#critiquing some parts and ‘yes-and’ ing others

[shadowpeachyuri]

I'm not an analyst but i am a theater kid so these are just my thoughts. I might bring up various theater classmates of mine so to keep anonymity I'll just call them by their first initial. To me Macaque is a theater kid that is a mix between my classmates M & E. He's a serious theater kid who's been in more than his fair share of plays/musicals but he's also a dramatic little shit who i don't think would settle for backstage. He's experienced, and he's a good actor, but he's also kind of quiet and reserved, they are maybe one or two other theater people he's close to but he's really just there to act. However he isn't lead material he's side character material all because Wukong showed up, tripped over his own two feet, fell flat on his face onto the stage and the director went "YOU! You're perfect!" and cast Wukong as the lead. However Wukong, just like classmate D, doesn't want to be there he'd rather not be there AT ALL or be cast as Napkin #2 rather than the lead but the director knows he's a good singer and dancer because Wukong's been alive for how long? He's had to have picked up something as common as singing and dancing. So he's cast as the lead cause he has the looks, the skills. Sure he's not as good at remembering lines as Macaque, though this can easily be excused to the director as "he's a lead, he just has a lot of lines to remember" so they're hardly gonna bat an eye. But the stage fright, what about that ? I hear you asking. Well also like classmate D he's loud, a contrast to Macaque's quiet reservedness, he's not gonna let a bunch of "random" people know he has stage fright especially when he's the great sage equal to heaven. So in response he's loud, and annoying, and generally not showing people how close he is to pissing his pants. Also I'd just like to mention that by having Macaque be a side character instead of backstage and Wukong as a lead the warrior is once more cast in the hero's shadow (lol I hate myself) Lastly tho I'd just like to say that once upon a time they were both totally DBK's hypemen and would've played a pair of (equals) Lefou's to DBK's Gaston (and you can pry this from my cold dead hands). --Mythicalmagicalmonkeyman

listening and taking notes. i’m not a theater kid (was in drama club and was in a couple non-school plays but never fully joined the group/polycule), and mostly assigned mac as backstage bc

moving in the shadows

emphasis on not being heard, since in the brotherhood and shadowpeach flashbacks there was a recurring pattern of him not being listened to

mental image of him wearing all black or smth (idk what the techs wear :[) looking at wukong and just SEETHING

the new minifigure of him where he’s holding a boom mic and looks like a tech guy

but also it’s like. i picture him losing the role in auditions to wukong (mostly bc god hates both of them) and then him getting assigned a more minor role but then he’s like “fuck this” and does tech instead for petty bitch reasons (note: again i don’t know how this behind the scenes drama works i was in the ensemble if i participated at all)(and that was mostly just school plays too)

[gothhabiba]

hi i just saw some of ur posts on anti-psychiatry and then kept reading more on ur blog about what it is. for the most part i agree with what you've said about how capitalism uses psychiatry to designate people who are bad/abnormal and how it aligns itself w/ misogyny, racism, and so on. with that said i think i have some similar concerns/questions as another asker about what this means for those who do/would suffer even in a non-capitalist society, even if we didn't ascribe a specific label to X symptoms. if we are opposed to psychiatry, what are the options for people today who are suffering and want help? are you opposed to psychopharmaceuticals and therapy? i dont mean to ask this in a confrontational/accusatory way, i'm just new to this and genuinely curious

There are a few different parts to your question & so there are a few different angles to approach it from—

are you opposed to psychopharmaceuticals and therapy?

If this means "are anti-psych writers and activists opposed to individuals seeking treatment that they personally find helpful," then, no—a couple posts in my psychiatry tag do clarify this.

If it means "are there anti-psych critiques of psychopharmaceuticals and therapy," then, yes. Keep in mind that I'm not a neurobiologist or otherwise an expert on medications marketed as treatments for mental illnesses, but:

The evidence for the effectiveness of SSRIs in particular is sort of non-existent—even many psychiatrists who promote the biomedical model of mental illness doubt their efficacy, and refer to the "chemical imbalance" theory that enforces their usage as "an outmoded way of thinking" or "a kind of urban legend—never a theory seriously propounded by well-informed psychiatrists." But promoting SSRIs (and corresponding "serotonin deficiency" theory of depression, despite the fact that no solid evidence links depression to low serotonin) is very profitable for pharmaceutical companies. Despite the fact that direct-to-consumer advertisements are nominally regulated in the U.S., the FDA doesn't challenge these claims.

Other psychotropic drugs, such as "antipsychotics" or "antianxiety" medication, shouldn't really be called e.g. "antipsychotics" as if they specifically targeted the biological source of psychosis. No biological cause of any specific psychiatric diagnosis has been found (p. 851, section 5.1). In fact, rather than "act[ing] against neurochemical substrates of disorders or symptoms," these medications "produc[e] altered, drug induced states"—but despite the fact that they "produce global alterations in brain functioning," they are marketed as if they had "specific efficacy in reducing psychotic symptoms." Reactions to these medications that don't have to do with psychosis or anxiety (blunted affect, akathisia) are dismissed as "side effects," as though they don't arise from the same global alteration in brain function that produces the "desirable" antianxiety/antipsychotic effect. This doesn't mean "psychiatric medication turns you into a zombie so you shouldn't take it"—it means that these medications should be marketed honestly, as things that alter brain function as a whole, rather than marketed as if they target specific symptoms in a way that they cannot do, in accordance with a biomedical model of mental illness the accuracy of which has never been substantiated.

Psychiatrised people also point out that meds are used as a tool for furthering and maintaining psychiatrists' control: meds that patients are hesitant about or do not want are pushed on them, while patients who desire medication are "drug-seeking" or trying to take on the role of clinician or something and will routinely be denied care. Psychiatrised people who refuse medications are "noncompliant" and prone to psychiatric incarceration, re-incarceration, or continued/lengthened incarceration.

As for therapy: there are critiques of certain therapies (e.g. CBT, DBT) as unhelpful, status-quo-enforcing, forcing compliance, retraumatising &c. There are also critiques of therapy as representing a capitalist outsourcing of emotional closeness and emotional work away from community systems that people largely don't have in place; therapy as existing within a psychiatric system that constrains how therapists, however well-intentioned, are able to behave (e.g. mandatory reporting laws); psychotherapy forced on psychiatrised people as a matter of state control; therapists as being in a dangerous amount of power over psychiatrised people and being hailed as neutral despite the fact that their emotions and politics can and do get in the way of them being helpful. The wealth divide in terms of access to therapy is also commonly talked about; insurance (in the U.S.) or the NHS (in England) may only pay for pre-formulated group workbook types of therapy such as DBT, while more long-form, free-form, relationship-focused talk therapy may only be accessible to those who can pay 100-something an hour for it.

None of these critiques make it unethical or something for someone to get treatment that they find helpful. It's also worth noting that some of these critiques may be coming from "anti-psych" people who criticise the sources of psychiatric power, and some of them may come from people who think of themselves as advocating for reform of some of the most egregious effects of psychiatric power.

if we are opposed to psychiatry, what are the options for people today who are suffering and want help?

This looks like a few different things at a few different levels. At its most narrow and individual, it involves opting out of and resisting calls for psychiatrisation and involuntary institutionalisation of individuals—not calling the cops on people who are acting strange in public, breaking mandatory reporting laws and guidelines where we think them likely to cause harm. It involves sharing information—information about antipsychiatry critiques of psychiatric institutions, advice about how to manage therapists' and psychiatrists' egos, advice about which psychiatrists to avoid—so that people do not blame themselves if they find their encounters with psychiatry unhelpful or traumatising.

At the most broad, it's the same question as the question of how to build dual power and resist the power of capitalism writ large—building communal structures that present meaningful alternatives to psychiatry as an institution. I think there's much to be learned here from prison abolitionists and from popular movements that seek to protect people from deportation. You might also look into R. D. Laing's Kingsley Hall experiment.

what does this mean for those who would suffer even in a non-capitalist society, even if we didn't ascribe a specific label to X symptoms?

It means that people need access to honest, reliable information about what psychotropic medications do, and the right to chuse whether or not to take these medications without the threat of a psychiatrist pulling a lever that immediately restricts or removes their autonomy. It means that people need to be connected to each other in communities with planned, free resources that ensure that everyone, including severely disabled people whom no one particularly likes as individuals, has access to basic resources. It means that people need to be free to make their own choices regarding their minds and their health, even if other people may view those decisions as disastrous. There is simply no defensible way to revoke people's basic autonomy on the basis of "mental illness" (here I'm not talking about e.g. prison abolitionist rehabilitative justice types of things, which must restrict autonomy to be effective).

Also, I've mostly left the idea of who this would actually be untouched, since my central argument ("psychiatry as it currently exists is part of the biomedical arm of capitalism and the state, and the epistemologies it produces and employs and the power it exerts are thus in the service of capitalism and the state") doesn't really rest on delineating who would and wouldn't suffer from whatever mental differences they have regardless of what society they're in. But it's worth mentioning that the category of "people who are going to suffer (to whatever degree) no matter what" may be narrower than some would think—psychosis, for instance, is sometimes experienced very differently by people in societies that don't stigmatise it. I see people objecting to (their interpretations of) antipsych arguments with things along the lines of "well maybe depression and anxiety are caused by capitalism, but I'm schizophrenic so this doesn't apply to me"—as though hallucinations are perforce more physically "real," more "biological," more "extra-cultural" in nature than something like depression. But the point is that positing a specific neurobiological etiology for any psychiatric diagnosis is unsubstantiated, and that capitalist society affects how every "mental illness" is read and experienced (though no one is arguing that e.g. hallucinations wouldn't always exist in some form).

[huntunderironskies]

So I have been working on that were-animal game I threatened to do a while back, and I'm...fairly pleased with where I'm at in at least the general concept phase. Lore feels good, I have some solid antagonist ideas, I have a gameplay loop working, all that fun stuff. Now I'm starting to get to the scary parts (having to nail down a system and figure out just how I'm going to put this thing out into the world.)

This got weirdly self-reflective about my history with gaming instead of mostly talking about the actual mechanics so I'm gonna put it under a cut. :U

The tl;dr if you just want to know what I'm (probably) doing:

High-ish power system

Medium crunch (I'm aiming about for the level of Exalted Essence)

(This means a pretty good amount of powers and shapeshifted forms provide bonuses to keep track of)

Trying to avoid specific point-related bookkeeping so there won't be a fuel stat in the way that Chronicles of Darkness or Exalted has it where there are pips that rise and fall

Milestone "leveling" most likely (no actual level traditional leveling system, just skill/attribute pools, powers, and a character rank system similarish to a power stat)

Dice pool

(Yes, I did really like ExEss, don't judge me)

I am...attempting to come up with something more than a binary pass-fail system but I would rather not steal PBTA's iteration on it

Social combat (sorry, I know a lot of people are bearish on it but I like it :c It's the one thing I don't want to toss)

x/y-splats real

I have never tried to work within a system that's 100% of my own making. I think I'm a little gun-shy of it because one of the GMs I used to play with (who I stopped playing with because she's a horrible person in addition to being a horrible GM, incredibly long story, send me booze money to get drunk if you want to hear it because I don't want to be sober when thinking too hard about her) was really insistent on trying to make her own system and her game design sense was...well, not great. Didn't have a good head for dice odds and went for the most simple solutions possible (d6 with small dice pool, 1s are fails, boxcars are crits) without thinking about actual gamefeel, expected players to handle most of creation of character abilities and powers (as in, doing most of the design lifting for her outside of the basic dice systems) but also was incredibly thin-skinned about feedback. She had the desire to be famous and make this big idea but was not willing to do the hard work to make it happen.

And like, I'm somewhat sensitive (I would not call myself the most confident person) so I'm used to feeling a bit hurt by negative feedback, but, you know, you have to listen to players to see how they're reacting to the game especially since you need to get out of your own head when designing mechanics. Critique is how you get better, as much as it hurts. Unfortunately she also hated learning other peoples' systems even if you wrote her cheat sheets so...I never really got to play anything for more than five sessions or so for quite some time.

(Upside: the drive that gave me to search for actual active RP groups led to me meeting some of my favorite people in the world.)

Anyways. I think that's led to me kind of psyching myself out. I've kind of gone from the mentality of "yeah I have a great head for mechanics" to "oh no I'm just a savant with one singular system." I...might have to start with brand-X-ing a system I'm familiar with (ft. minor changes) (guess which one) and then start tweaking from there until it doesn't feel like The Werewolf the Forsaken We Have at Home.

I think it both helps and hurts that a lot of my design philosophy is somewhat similar. I'm trying to do a higher power level, at least in the same way that Chronicles of Darkness has the "if your PCs throw enough resources at something, they will get what they want, it's just a matter of what it will cost them and if it was something they should have wanted in the first place." I also have an extremely strong preference for dice pool systems, I just think the dice odds feel so much better than single-roll systems.

I've also always liked being able to downgrade a failed roll to a dramatic failure since it's led to some really fun situations, but I think the inverse could be fun as well, i.e. if you REALLY feel like you need a roll to succeed you can upgrade it to a single success at a cost that could potentially bite you in the ass later. It's another way to potentially cause drama and give players more meta-options to control how the game can proceed.

On the subject of meta-options I'd really like to give social systems some mechanical weight since I honestly enjoy social combat. I know that's kind of a controversial opinion but I just feel like it gives more tension to negotiations and the like and it gives me a lot more design space to work with when designing what would traditionally fall under "utility powers" as an umbrella.

So that's sorta what I'm working with right now. The scary part is I will need to playtest this at some point and that means recruiting people and that also means starting up what will likely be a community server to keep in touch with people instead of just vomiting out whatever thoughts pop into my head on tumblr. One Fear.

[dulce-pjm]

takes two to tango

word count: 3.0k

genre: fluff, absolutely tooth-rotting 

summary: hoseok solved his problems and got the girl. he’d worked up the courage to ask you out and now life couldn’t be better, living as your boyfriend. but what’s the point of dating if he can’t even kiss you?

Damn. Hoseok was a real loser, wasn’t he?

Three weeks, three fucking weeks of dating you and he hasn’t been able to kiss you once. 

He’d thought the hard part was over when he was finally able to spit out that he liked you before finals and asked you on a date. After a semester of desperate pining and you being completely oblivious to his flirting attempts, he thought the worst was over. 

But alas, no. 

Your one-month anniversary was rapidly approaching and Hoseok has yet to lock lips with you. 

Maybe it’s stupid to be so caught up over such a small thing. But Hoseok likes you and he really doesn’t think it’s too much to ask for and he’d just really, really like to kiss you. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried. He’d gone through all the steps, even resorting to the cheap tricks he’d used in high school. But the timing was always shit or something stupid got in the way. It felt like the universe had it out for him, putting the chance just within his grasp before promptly yanking it away in the most inconvenient (and sometimes embarrassing) manner possible. 

Should Hoseok be grateful for the time he’s already gotten to spend with you? Yes. And he is. You’re spectacular. A joy to be around. You kept him guessing and laughing and happy. 

Actually, he’d actually kind of already gotten his wish. You’d kissed him on the cheek in joy after watching your team win whilst on an ice hockey date. You turned out to be surprisingly (and scarily) competitive, which Hoseok found all the more adorable. Despite being a small gesture born from the exciting moment, he’d found himself giggly and shy, melting from the attention. That night, while walking you home in the cold, he’d snuck a quick peck on your forehead before bidding you good night. He found himself wishing he’d done more as you disappeared behind your door, smiling to yourself.

But Hoseok was human. He was greedy. He just wanted one, small, teeny weeny little thing. And that thing was to kiss you on the lips, goddammit.

You weren’t his first girlfriend. He isn’t an amateur at this. 

So why was it so fucking hard?

His first attempt was on your second date. Which, admittedly, might be a little soon but it actually wasn’t even his attempt. It was yours. The two of you were ice skating when he kept catching you staring at him. 

“What, is there something on my face?” You’d giggled, reaching up your hand and lightly tapping his nose. 

“You just look cold. And very cute.” Despite attempting to maintain a cool facade, the compliment had Hoseok reeling. His cheeks only grew warmer as you leaned upwards, eyes becoming half-lidded. He’d grinned, ducking down to meet you halfway. 

It was perfect. 

Until your skates suddenly lost traction and you slipped, lips colliding with his shoulder instead of his face. 

Caught off guard, the both of you tumbled to the ground. In a movie, it might have been even more romantic. But in reality, falling on ice hurts like a fucking bitch. It took an entire minute for you both to get back on your feet, laughing and shouting from the pain along the way. 

Cold and traumatized and bruised, the two of you shuffled back to the entrance while clutching onto each other for dear life, kiss long forgotten. 

You both swore never to go ice skating again. 

Hoseok’s actual first attempt had been at a small Christmas party. Hoseok’s Christmas party, in fact. It was for a small dance exercise class he led every Monday through the university. It was through that same class that he met you, actually. You and several of your friends were regulars, and soon he was smitten. He wasn’t sure whether it was your laugh or your smile or your unending optimism that drew him in, only that he had fallen for you and hard. You two, along with the rest of the group, had naturally gotten close over the past semester, so Hoseok decided to give the group one last hurrah together via a small Christmas party just after everyone finished their exams. 

While everyone else was pigging out on brownies or getting drunk off of cheap beer or karaoke-ing to the best of their abilities (which was pretty god-awful), you and Hoseok were camped out in the corner, trying your best to put together a gingerbread house. 

You were failing magnificently, but that didn’t make the activity any less fun. Hoseok was in charge of holding the pieces while you piped icing, with you naturally taking every opportunity to swipe bits of the white fluff on his nose and cheeks and forehead. He’d cried out in protest, promising to exact his revenge, but he cared too much about this stupid gingerbread house to move his hands and risk the whole thing collapsing. 

But before you could even get to the decorating stage, the whole thing shattered. Literally shattered. You blamed it on Hoseok, claiming he’d been gripping it so hard that the pieces snapped in two. He, in turn, blamed it on you for being such a distraction. 

While the two of you were playfully bickering, one of your friends snuck up behind the table with a bunch of mistletoe. 

“Kiss already, ya lovebirds!” she’d cried, clearly having one (or three) too many beers. The entire class was painfully invested in your relationship, so it only made sense that they’d also tease you about it relentlessly. 

The two of you glanced up at the green leaves and then back at each other. A pitchy rendition of ‘Silent Night’ echoed throughout the room. Hoseok smiled and leaned in, muttering something about “tradition” and “giving the people what they want, Y/N.”

His eyes fluttered closed as his lips approached yours, his last thought being how nice you looked and how warm his heart felt. 

It was perfect. 

And then you wiped a massive blob of thick white icing across his entire face. He’d gasped while you and the rest of the party burst into a fit of giggles. 

“I’m sorry-” You choked on your laughter, tears sprung from your eyes. “-Hoseok, the opportunity was just too good! You should have seen your face!” He didn’t have it in him to be mad at you, not when your laugh was that adorable. 

Instead, he’d rubbed his frosting-covered cheek all over yours for revenge as you screeched and struggled against his grip. By the end of the night, both of your cheeks were aching from laughter. 

But still, no kiss. 

At your annual New Years’ Party, he’d tried a different strategy: being slick. 

The two of you were pleasantly tipsy but not quite drunk. And the alcohol gave Hoseok just enough courage to try kissing you again. 

While perched on two barstools around your kitchen island, he’d casually thrown his arm around your shoulder while you were babbling about some story a friend had told you. He’d tried to listen, he really did, but what was a guy supposed to you when you looked as cute as you did?

“I mean, what are the odds? They saw each other in standstill traffic, Hobi. Isn’t that so romantic?” 

“Mhmm.” Feeling the weight of his arm, you moved to look his way and felt your face getting very hot very quickly with the way he was gazing at you. 

“Hobi?” He was much too caught up in how soft your lips looked from here, slightly parted and inviting. Everything about you was soft and sweet.

His eyes flickered back to yours, shimmering under the mood lighting. 

He shifted forward, not loosening his gaze for even a second. He was going to relish every second of this, every second of you. 

It was so perfect. 

But in his drunken stupor, Hoseok hadn’t quite noticed the way his barstool was wobbling until it was too late and he tumbled to the floor. 

You immediately freaked, rushing to his aid. While your concern was genuine and made Hoseok happy that you cared for him, he couldn’t help but be disappointed. The mood was dead once you lugged him to the couch and, despite his protests, insisted he lie down for a while and instructed him to not touch any more alcohol, worried that he’d injure himself further. The night ended kiss-free and with Hoseok falling asleep before the clock struck twelve, missing the countdown. 

But last weekend? Now that was the final straw. 

The two of you had decided to catch a drive-in movie, some silly rom-com. You’d suggested a holiday-themed horror movie, but Hoseok was quick to shut that idea down. Not only was he a coward, but he wasn’t sure how the hell he was supposed to be romantic when there were demons threatening to jump-scare him every three seconds. 

As the two leads finally began confessing their feelings in the final act of the movie, Hoseok looked to you. He found you staring right back, as if you knew this was coming. 

His hand lifted to cup your cheek as the male lead cried “I love you!” Your hands slid behind the back of his neck as your eyes shut and the two of you grew closer and closer, lips mere millimeters apart. Hoseok could smell your lavender shampoo and cherry lip gloss, could even count your lashes from here.

It was so fucking perfect. The epitome of romance. As the two leads passionately confessed, Hoseok and you were about to share your first kiss. 

And then some idiot fell asleep on their horn, sending the obnoxious, blaring sound echoing throughout the drive-in lot. Hoseok shrieked, absolutely startled to the core. 

“For fuck’s sake!” he’d cried, throwing himself back in the driver’s seat. 

You’d found immense humor in his pouting and tried to tease him back into his old self, but the moment was long gone. Hoseok cursed the male lead for being able to get his girl when he was so clearly suffering. You held his hand for the rest of the film and jokingly critiqued it on the way home. But it wasn’t enough. Hoseok had just one thing he wanted and he couldn’t even accomplish that.

And now, he had a vendetta against the whole fucking universe. 

He was going to kiss you if it killed him. And it was going to be perfect. 

He’s chanting that thought like a mantra as the two of you are taking a very romantic stroll in the park, hands intertwined and bodies huddled together to conserve heat in the winter weather. 

“I can’t believe we only have one semester left,” you murmur, clutching your coat closer to your body. “I still feel like a kid.”

“Based on your eating habits, I’d have to agree.” You gasp in shock, slapping his arm. 

“Hey! What do you have against Lunchables?” Hoseok laughs at your offended look, finding you all too endearing.

“It’s not the Lunchables I have a problem with. Lunchables are great. It’s the cheese and peanut-butter crackers you’re crazy about. It’s disgusting.” You roll your eyes and groan, tired of this argument. 

“For the last time, I didn’t know they were cheese flavored and they taste good!” 

“Why else would they be orange, Y/N?” You shake your head, refusing to indulge him any further. “Disgusting.”

The two of you approach a quaint bridge crossing a babbling creek. The sky is colored with purples and pinks and oranges, reflected across the water. A few kids are playing by the shore, much to the disdain of their parents. Hoseok feels his chance approaching. 

You both stop and lean against the bridge railing, watching the sunset. You nuzzle against him, taking delight in his warmth. 

Hoseok studies the way the light reflects off of your face, the way a small smile creeps across your lips. You’re beautiful. Hoseok feels immensely lucky to have had you for this long. There’s a growing part of him that wants to keep you forever. 

“You’re so pretty-”

“It’s so pretty-”

The words are uttered at the same time, you staring at the sky and Hoseok staring at you. When you meet his eyes, the two of you can’t help but laugh quietly to yourselves. Timing’s always been funny for you, huh. 

As the sun peaks farther behind the horizon, Hoseok tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. You can’t fight the grin on your face as Hoseok wraps an arm around your waist and tugs you in. 

This is perfect. This is the moment Hoseok has been waiting for. He’d suffered for three miserable weeks, but it was all about to be worth it. There’s absolutely nothing that can shatter the happiness in Hoseok’s heart. 

“Oh my god, is that a dog?” You’re torn from Hoseok’s embrace as you dash across the bridge. All he can do is sigh and grasp at the cold air you’d occupied seconds before. 

When he turns to see where you’ve run off to, he finds you plopped on the ground loving on a fluffy black and gold mutt. You crane your neck to face him. 

“It doesn’t have a collar, Hobi. I think it’s a stray.” The dog jumps excitedly against your chest, tackling you to the ground and licking at your cheeks and nose and mouth. Showering you with kisses before Hoseok’s eyes.

Lucky bastard.

Hoseok doesn’t have the heart to be mad. You’re too damn adorable. And the dog is pretty cute too. The puppy jumps from you to Hoseok, hopping excitedly and running between his legs. 

“Hyper one, aren’t you?” 

He begrudgingly takes the creature into his arms and hauls you to your feet, mumbling that he knows where the nearest animal shelter is. You trail after him, doting on the animal the whole way. Hoseok sighs, accepting the fact that he’s not getting his kiss tonight. But he thinks he’s okay with that, what with the way you’re talking in your animal voice and gushing over how cute this dog is.

God, Hoseok’s such a loser. But he’d like to hope that he’s your loser now.  

“I miss him already!” you cry as the two of you stumble out of the shelter. Startled by the chill, you quickly take his hand, but even that can’t bring Hoseok the joy he wants. 

“He’ll have a nice and loving home soon, don’t worry,” he soothes, ruffling your hair. He does his best to smile, but it comes off strained and fake, and you notice. Your lip immediately puffs out at his sulking. 

“Is there something wrong?” Guilt fills Hoseok’s chest at your genuine worry. But he’d been acting strangely since New Year’s, he knew, so he figured at this point he owed you an explanation. 

“Well...” Hoseok ponders the situation, trying to put together the right words. “Ireallywannakissyoubutshitkeepsgettingintheway.” 

“I- what?” You’re staring at him in utter confusion. Hoseok sighs as you lean in closer, trying to decipher his words.

“I’ve been trying to kiss you for three weeks now but it never works out!” he shouts into the cold night air, relief filling him as he finally gets his biggest worry off of his chest. 

You’re silent for a moment before bursting into laughter, the sound sweet and loud and in any other case, infectious. Hoseok pouts, wondering how you always manage to find the humor in his suffering. The sun is long set but he can still make out your cackling figure in the lamplight. 

You regain your breath before pulling him closer to you, still giggling between your words. 

“Why didn’t you just ask?” It’s a genuine question, Hoseok supposes. He’s about to answer, but that’s when you say something that sends him over the edge. “It’s just a kiss, there’s no need to take it so seriously.”

“Of course it’s serious!” he exclaims, making you jump. He quickly lowers his voice, looking at the ground sheepishly. “Well- I only mean that I’m serious about you. So I just wanted it to be nice and romantic and perfect because I care about you a lot and you deserve that, okay? And I know that we’ve only been dating for a few weeks but I really-”

When Hoseok lifts his eyes, you’re whipping your head around wildly, as if you’re being stalked or something is about to pop out from behind a corner. 

“Y/N? What are you doing? Is something wrong?” After a few more seconds of your paranoid glances, you meet his eyes, a cheeky grin plastered across your face. You shrug innocently.

“I was just checking to make sure nothing could possibly interrupt us.” Hoseok freezes, jaw dropping slightly. You find the expression hilarious but decide to keep that to yourself. And then Hoseok is smiling like an idiot and pulling you close and running a hand through your hair. 

Your lips barely brush against his when you suddenly lean your head back, making Hoseok cry out in frustration. You can’t get far though, not when you’re wrapped in his arms. 

“Just for the record,” you say, lifting a single finger between your chests. “That was the most romantic and perfect thing you could have said before our first kiss.” Hoseok rolls his eyes. You choke back a giggle at his impatience. You watch the puffs of condensation leave his lips, considering torturing him for longer, but you don’t. “Now, please continue.”

With your permission, Hoseok does the one thing he’s been waiting all too long for. Despite his pent-up frustration, he kisses you softly and slowly, relishing in every second and every touch.

After a long minute, he pulls away, gazing at you happily. You stare right back, unable to wipe the stupid grin off of your face. You’re content and lovestruck and stupid together. Until a large gust of chilly wind hits you and the two of you are screaming and tearing off back to your respective apartments. 

It certainly wasn’t perfect. Maybe a little sloppy. Certainly not like Hoseok would have planned it. 

But it was with you. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

[weaselbeaselpants]

Weird week behind me weird week ahead of me but I’ve done a lot of self reflection and came to the weirdest epiphany. The older I get the more I realize all my ‘problems’ with VivziePop - her thoughts on criticism;  the choices she makes in story telling; some of the people she’s worked with (not that any of that’s my business; I’m not her mom) really aren’t about Viv, but more about her fandom.

I’m speaking of the preHazbin era Viv here and as someone who’s only watch horny fish jump at the surface rather than jump straight into the Hazbin-fandom, but given my ‘noncritical’ fellow fans have told me that the Vivziefandom now is also terrible - I guess I’ll go over my experience and make the most out of what I do know.

I followed Viv in 2009 and fell off in 2013 cause I kinda just lost interest and found myself wrapped up in other fandoms. I’ve always felt amicable about her content; I could give or take designs or the way in which she wrote characters -- ((Zech represent!!!)) but it’s honestly surreal and really fun seeing this person I recognize make it big and improve so much. Like I’ve said before I am very happy and very impressed with Viv doing all she’s done in the span of TWO YEARS. wow gurl.

Trouble is, there was the particular breed of fan who really made me...uncomfortable. They felt almost possessive of Viv’s attention. They sang praises about her work in a way that just made me want nothing to do with it because I was worried if I drew those characters these people would be like ‘hey, I’M Viv’s fav artist, not you!”. They would  unironically write Viv messages like:

“you are a GOD” -- “I’m so not worthy compared to you” --“I wish I was as talented as you” -- “YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND CAN’T DO WRONG VIV”.

The kind of messages which were meant to sound flattering but, intentional or not, came off as gaslighting, like they were guilt tripping Viv about being better than them. This behavior, treating your favorite artist/internet personality like your superior and groveling like Starscream, it strikes a nerve with me; partly because I was this way with my favorite artists and influences back in the day,  but also because once I got a taste of that treatment myself I realized just how bad it could be:

There was once a girl on dA who was jealous of me because of the attention I got on my art instead of her. I told her that I wasn’t gonna stop drawing but also that there was nothing wrong with her art and she’d find her place. It was weird being put in that position where someone is very clearly upset at you but also looking for your approval.

The second was some scumball who I blocked in 2016. He wouldn’t speak to me, only write condescending, backhanded comments on my art; check on my profile daily; call me a bootlicker (cuz I took commissions) behind my back; redrew my art and would talk about me in his personal artist notes about how I ‘probably wouldn’t see this’ - oh yeah all the while he did fan art of my characters but again never spoke to me when I replied. When I finally messaged him about his behavior he said he thought I was “really overrated” and “bad for the fandom” cuz I took money and kept him from getting the love he deserved. It took messaging another person within our fandom, one I had been in spats with online before, to finally realize I shouldn't put up with that bs....

That guy who was stalking me btw did so while I was well under 1.K watchers and am still pretty obscure. Anyway, I had one guy unhealthily watching me for the wrong reasons. Just one. This is why when Viv says she “hates creeps” I 150% believe this woman and am not about to call her a liar who just can’t take criticism. Like, if you really think that, I’m sorry but you don’t know what Viv’s gone through from both her critics AND fans.

Of course, a lot of people will be like “I bet you’re just jealous and really just want that kind of attention yourself so you’re preaching to the choir”, but like...no. I am envious of just about any creator who’s the social butterfly I’m not, but, like, if I'm jealous of an artist none of that is that artists’ fault. Ever. It’s my own issues with being comfortable with myself are at stake. If I criticize Viv’s work it’s not because I see her as competition or my Squilliam Fancyson; it’s because I’m a critical fan of animation and cartoons and have my own thoughts to share on the cartoons of an artist I’m familiar with.  Jealousy/envy/mixed-admiration/godIwishthatwereme.jpeg feels are totally natural and valid emotions when you’re a creator. Envy becomes a problem when you internalize, weaponize, and scrutinize people on the basis of them being what you aren’t which -yes - some people do in the name of criticism. ((Although, I would hardly say some of the nastiest AntiViv folk are jealous as much as they are angry that this project they think is harmful is getting attention and using that as justification for some really shitty behavior of their own, which no, this post is not a part of by virtue of coming from a critical fan.))

Critique can come from either a good place or bad place; good critique can be used to bad ends and bad critique can come from a well-meaning place, and vice versa.   It’s the difference between many a criticalfan having a sour taste in their mouth regarding the Viv’s base but persisting in a critique+admiration separate of that, and this asswipemonster trying to weasel his way into Spindlehorse while also bashing Viv on a public forum for clearly vitriolic reasons. He was a creep.

So yeah um please stop insisting that every Hazbin critic is just jealous’ because a) there are people who have a past with Viv’s base and that clouds their judgement, but in a lot of cases that doesn’t invalidate their feelings or thoughts on her work separate from that, and b) I’ve seen what clingy gaslighting jealous fans are. Spoiler: they’re not so much Annie Wilkes as much as they are Tommy Wiseaus. You don’t want Tommy Wiseau following you.

Another bad vibe I really picked up on that I can kinda confirm is still probably the case now: people think that they know Viv and the Spindlehorse crew and have the right to send them shit they don’t need or WANT to be seeing.

Like, I talked with Viv once ages ago. I don’t remember what I said other than we were talking about Frankenweenie, I think. She was nice. Outside of that she said “thank you” to my comments on her deviations but that’s it. I DO NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN AND unless you’ve worked with or are a legit friend/mutual of hers, NEITHER DO YOU. But I don’t think every Vivzie stan/critic knows this. Whether it be people assuming she MUST think they’re headcanon is now canon-canon cuz she liked a comment they made; or some critic thinking they must have seriously hurt her pride because they’ve been blocked by her on twitter (or you know, maybe she and the rest of Spindlehorse is tired of getting @s and don’t have to time to read through your analysis so they’re gonna just block and move on cuz they’re busy).

Just because the creators talk with fans doesn’t mean fans are literally their best friends and have a part in the show’s direction. And yes, critics and reviewers fit that bill as well. Know your damn boundaries people.

If you find/make some kind of contribution as a viewer that’s awesome but you should never expect nor DEMAND the creator see it. The most obvious horror stories involving this and Helluva/Hazbin have been the Instagrams made by the crew being harassed by incestpedo enthusiasts, but it applies even to just @ing creators as well.

I’ve seriously had someone tell me to just take my criticisms directly to Viv and like...no. Why would I do that?

I respect Viv and the artists working with her enough to know that they’re working their asses off on an animated series and should not be bothered. I don’t want them to stop all they’re doing and reply to me. I want them to keep working. Also, that kind of logic makes me wonder how many critics Viv’s found because she found it on her own or if some obsessed fan told her about it - which is really messed up cuz if it IS just good critique you’re, again, just pestering her, and if it wasn’t critique but full on harassment WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MESSAGE HER ABOUT THAT ANYWAY? I’m sure she doesn’t need to be reminded that people drew and said really awful shit about her on Tapatalk. My point being I’m sure what people think they’re doing is

“OOOoh Viv lookitwut this person is doing in our fandom we need to ban together against this toxic behavior”

but what they’re actually doing, and sounding like, is -

“Hey Viv I know you are working so hard on the show and you’re trying to figure out where to go from here but LOOKITWHUTTHISHATERSAID. LOOKATIT! VALIDATE ME VIV AND PUT’EM IN THEIR PLAAAAAACE!”

TL;DR Viv’s fanbase back in the day consisted of everyman artists and interests but there was this one breed of fan -who I hope was just a vocal minority- that ruined it for everything else.

Call it stanning or ‘simping’ or as it’s classically known, ‘white knighting’, whatever it was it really soured a lot of people on her because of those fans.

That’s why the DollCreep drama got so bad from what I can tell. Doll and Viv had a falling out and then called out eachother online where people who took it upon themselves to speak for them starting throwing mud.

Back in the day I remember Viv used to get mad at artists for ‘stealing’ her style. I think this attitude from Viv directly has vanished but I remember it happening because one of the people she thought was stealing her style did art for me at some point and they were basically shamed/chased off deviantART by a gaggle of these really nasty Vivfans.

inb4> “VIV WAS AWARE AND STILL WEAPONIZES HER FANS THO”

I don’t know that. And honestly, where I’m inclined to believe she’d do something like that then I think Viv is really different and has improved her business and public image from her college days. I’d be very disappointed in her if she was pulling a Butch Hartman or Derek Savage, but I just don’t think she is one, k?

Viv is more self critical and aware than any of these uber protective-gatekeeping fans give her credit for. She said on the Pizzapartypodcast that she knows the Hazbin pilot wasn’t perfect; she’s been able to identify the problems with old Zoophobia; this woman knows that criticism of all kinds need to exist and from what I see she sounds like she’s trying to get used to that. It’s just, you know, when you have nasty antis badgering you, stalkers, obsessive yes-mam’ fans, opinionated shit posters, r34 artists, entitled shippers and the NDAs of a company alongside your own branded image - all that negativity, even the constructive bits, tend to clump together and you just want to scream at it so you can finish the damn cartoon already!!!!

TL;DR: PART TWO

VivziePop/mind is basically indie Tim Burton.  Her work is fun, shallow and made with love but is marketed as being for everyone when it’s really not. Parts of it I love to watch; parts of it drives me crazy cuz of reasonswhatev this isn’t a review.

BUT any fanbase where people tell me I should just “expect what’s coming to me” when I’m trying to argue against dragging creators into fandrama is troubling. People have a parasocial bond with fandoms and their creators and they need to learn when to back off.

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Hongjoong “Boyfriend Headcanons”

A/N: I’m going to be making a series and trying to do this with as many idols as possible 

Hongjoong version // Seonghwa version // Yunho version // Yeosang version // San version // Mingi version // Wooyoung version // Jongho version

- okay so our leader

- our precious bun 

- a man I greatly admire

- Let’s gooo

- Now Hongjoong is crazy creative and that is something I seriously admire about him 

- I think he would like someone that isn’t scared to think outside of the box

- Someone that can provide him inspiration when he doesn’t have any anymore

- this leads me into the first date

- he’d love to go do something out of the box

- maybe a little art workshop

- or maybe just hanging out with some food and drinks and diy-ing some of your clothes together

- just something relaxed and fun so that he can get to know you.

- it’s easy to talk over things like this 

- he can also get a feel of your style too because we all know style is important to Hongjoong

- When it comes to kissing

- Hongjoong always puts a meaning into his kisses

- but he won’t kiss you after the first date

- he loves the slow build up of a relationship and might even wait until after the fourth or fifth date to kiss you

- but when he does it’s really sweet

- always asks permission before kissing you

- always with a beautiful smile

- and when you say yes 

- he cups your cheek with one hand and kisses you very softly

- but it’s generally just really sweet and he can’t help but blush a little

- So if you’re upset

- Hongjoong’s heart breaks

- he wants to take everything that is hurting you and fight it??

- he hates seeing you upset it hurts him so much 

- Hongjoong will take care of your problems if he can 

- If not he will be by your side and help you through things

- definitely the type to grab your cheeks harshly, forcefully kiss your forehead and tell you to go kill em if you need motivation

- When Hongjoong is upset it’s kind of heartbreaking

- Because he kind of bottles things up because he doesn’t want to worry you

- So he never gets angry 

- but he gets really emotional and wants to be held

- and he just wants to vent

- he just wants a listening ear and maybe advice if you can offer it

- Also arguments rarely happen

- If they do they are resolved as quick as they started

- He doesn’t want to fight with you ever 

- so if there is a problem

- it normally just gets brought up in an adult conversation

- He never raises his voice at you

- He can’t bring himself to do that

- Very great at motivating you but all of Ateez is

- Speaking of Ateez

- You just got 7 brothers by dating Hongjoong

- they’re a package deal 

- You can’t help but clown Hongjoong sometimes

- which is okay because he’s used to it and finds it funny

- He’s good at clowning you too

- you’re reactions are just too good

- Hongjoong likes being physically close to you

- If you’re hanging out with him in the studio

- he wants you near

- sitting next to him

- on him 

- it really doesn’t matter as long as you’re close

- He doesn’t mind when you worry about him when he’s working alot

- but he doesn’t want you to assume he can’t take care of himself

- because he can but he also knows that it can be stressfull to watch someone you love possibly overwork themselves

- cuddling is so nice with Hongjoong

- he likes having his head on your chest

- your fingers running through his hair

- he likes sleeping like this too

- He’s very easy to wake up 

- so mornings aren’t ever really lazy 

- if you aren’t good at getting out of bed in the morning 

- Hongjoong is a great motivater to get you out of bed

- sweet morning kisses as you’re getting ready for the day are a must

- brushing your hair?

- in comes Hongjoong with a kiss on the cheek

- getting dressed?

- In comes a back hug and sweet kisses on the back of your neck

- on his days off 

- Hongjoong likes watching movies with you

- a whole bunch of different genres and languages

- he just find it interesting and finds it fun to watch films with you

- HONGJOONG PAINTING YOUR NAILS

- he thinks it’s fun

- he’d love to match his nails to yours

- also going back to like the first date

- he would really like to have clothing modification to do with you

- it’s cool and it’s really fun to him 

- it makes things unique and you can have some fun matching things together

- Hongjoong really admires your critique and admires that you are willing to critique his work

- he doesn’t want you to sugar coat if you don’t like something 

- he wants your constructive criticism

- Hongjoong adores the relationships you have with the other member’s 

- he finds it important

- they are his family and you are his love 

- it’s important you mesh well

- Also it’s important to him that you are really there for his career 

- which really should speak for itself but he really needs that support

- in turn he equally supports your career and whatever you want to do

- A relationship with Hongjoong is purely based around equality and fairness

- You need to be equally dependant on eachother 

- Hongjoong doesn’t get too jealous

- uhm he doesn’t get mad or too annoyed when he’s jealous 

- but he get’s kind of pouty and sulky 

- He just wants your attention and love

- but he doesn’t dwell on jealousy too long

- because at the end of the day you go home with him so

- He’s the real winner and he knows that 

- When he’s on tour he tries his best to call you every night and if he cant 

- yes he feels bad but he just texts you through out the days and makes sure you know he’s thinking about you 

- Hongjoong does a lot to make sure you know he loves you 

- Of course telling you he loves you 

- but also writing songs for you

- taking care of you in small ways

Nasty nasty time

- okay so I’m convinced Hongjoong is a switch (I’m convinced most of Ateez are switches)

- in reality he doesn’t care who’s on top or who’s dominant

- as long as you both are comfortable and feel good

- I think Hongjoong likes biting

- he has amazing teeth so idk i just feel like he would like that

- especially nipping at your skin 

- the surprised sound you make when he bites you

- he loves that

- Likes it when you bite him too I should have said this lmao

- he especially likes when you bite his neck

- He is audio inclined

- he loves your sounds and he want you to let him know how he’s making you feel

- Hongjoong’s also always watching you and the way you move

- it’s inspiring almost 

- seeing the curves of your body

- your facial expressions

- Loves it when you ride him 

- it gives him the best view 

- especially in the studio 

- studio sex isn’t studio sex without you riding him in his chair or on that couch in there

- He kind of has an oral fixation

- not necessarily giving oral or receiving

- but like kissing and biting and watching your mouth 

- He just finds it an incredibly attractive 

- I don’t think Hongjoong is very experienced 

- partially because of his age and because of his school history and then trainee history

- not a virgin but not a cassanova in the bedroom

- so he’s very open and okay with making mistakes and laughing about them

- Aftercare is shy?

- Soft smiles and shy laughter as you take care of eachother

- making sure you’re okay and he’s okay

- looks at you like you’re his whole universe all the time

- not just after sex 

- but like all the time

- but after sex it tends to be more noticeable

- He likes stroking your skin

- drawing little shapes as you 2 slowly fall asleep or come down from your highs in general

- Morning afters always make him clingy 

- He just wants to be attached at your hip

- Okay that’s exagerating but he does just want to be around you

- mainly because he feels like everytime you have sex

- be it rough or soft

- you guys get closer to eachother

- A relationship with Hongjoong is an equal amount of give and take 

- equal amount of trust and support

A/N: part 1 in the ateez series KAJAAAAA

[zedecksiew]

“Exotic Warrior”

(Am writing this because it’s been bubbling over in my mind. This post is an exorcism of bad vibes over bad ideas that have held me hostage, the past few days.)

+

There is now criticism on Twitter arguing that the “Exotic Warrior”, one of Troika!’s d66 Backgrounds, is racist because it is coded as Orientalist / Asian.

I would like to respectfully disagree.

(There are other arguments in the initial complaint. I am commenting the “Exotic Warrior” specifically. Because by being actually East Asian -- part of the diaspora, living in Southeast Asia -- I feel I have some standing to comment.)

+

When I encountered “Exotic Warrior” in the book it stood out as a neat background and helped sell me on Troika!.

As I read it, the Background is a deft piece of work: it references the “adventurer from a foreign land” thing, but occludes said trope’s usual Orientalism -- an attempt at deconstruction.

A foreigner, in Troika!, can be anybody. This isn’t just a platitude; it’s supported by the book’s implied science-fantasy setting -- is essentially Spelljammer, but on more acid.

It is similar to Electric Bastionland / Planescape / etc in that it features a melting-pot, nobody’s-local “city at the centre of creation”-type deal. (I have Thoughts about RPG setttings that focus on metropoles, but that’s a separate post.)

+

Here’s the “Exotic Warrior” ’s text, in full:

24 EXOTIC WARRIOR No one has heard of your homeland. Your habits are peculiar, your clothes are outrageous, and in a land jaded to the outlandish and new you still somehow manage to stand out.

POSSESSIONS - A WEIRD & WONDERFUL WEAPON. - STRANGE CLOTHES. - EXCITING ACCENT. - A TEA SET or 3 POCKET GODS or ASTROLOGICAL EQUIPMENT.

ADVANCED SKILLS 6 Language - Exotic Language 3 Fighting in your Weird Weapon 2 Language - Local Language 2 Spell - Random 1 Astrology 1 Etiquette 

Honestly? None of the above reads as particularly problematic. It’s a legit, characterful beginning point for a player-character.

Sure, my Western-media-battered brain jumps to Samurai Warrior -- 

But immediately also to Sufi Missionary or Varangian Guard. And indeed comes to rest at Indeterminately White Gentleperson Naturalist -- the kind of exotic visitor Southeast Asia got, a lot, those scouts of European imperialism.

+

These readings are possible because of the illustration the entry is paired with. Here they are together:

Setting aside the surrealist stylisations:

The shape of the costume, the belt, the “skirt” -- these look like Europeanisms, to me. And the figure’s laughing abandon opposes the standard Orientalist tropes of wise inscrutability or red-faced savagery.

The choice to run “Exotic Warrior” with a decidedly non-Orientalist-coded illustration isn’t an unintentional piece of art direction.

(PS: any critique of an illustrated text that only focuses on the words is incomplete. Image is half the text of an illustrated text.)

+

The nondescript-ness of the entry plus its accompanying image is an open door. Opening this door isn’t without risk: whatever assumptions you make about your particular “Exotic Warrior” are drawn from your own biases.

+

Regarding “Etiquette” and “Astrology” and “Tea Set”?

With my biases: I don’t read these things as uniquely East-Asian. (When I first encountered “tea set” in Troika! I genuinely thought: “English tea service”, instead of: “temae”.)

The one that I did read as real-world Eastern was “Pocket Gods” -- but many human cultures had this, pocket gods are a part of Troika!’s wider fantasy setting, and “Exotic Warrior” isn’t the only Background to start with them.

+

A note on “exotification”:

The criticism of “Exotic Warrior” fundamentally seems to be: “Playing a character from the Other / that is Other-ed = BAD”.

I fundamentally disagree with this notion.

I have no lived experience of a society where being other-ed (in terms of culture, race, class, gender expression, etc) isn't an ever-present thread in the fabric of one's life -- and therefore a crucial and profound source of conflict and insight into the human condition.

(The ethnic fault-lines in Malaysian society have become so unbridgeable today primarily because it was official policy to sweep all that other-ing under the rug of “Malaysia Truly Asia”, as opposed to working through our ugly whispered prejudices towards understanding.)

We are not all the same. Cultural, geographic, and material differences exist. The mismatch in knowledge and understanding this creates? It matters.

In fact: To insist on universal cultural-knowledge parity; To push for “nobody’s born here, everybody belongs” melting-pots as the default framing; To nudge questions of difference and arrival into ghettos (to paraphrase one of the tweets I saw: “you can only explore issues surrounding the Other in a game specifically designed to do so”);

All that comes off to me as a very neo-liberal position, designed to safeguard and disguise the privileges of “mainstream” metropolitan melting-pots.

I read it as:

“Post-modern cosmopolitan societies want to be inclusive but don’t want to pay the admission price of history and discomfort, so they generally opt for erasure instead.”  

+++

Throughout this post I have been careful to speak from my particular context. Because context matters.

More context:

I like Troika!. Like, a lot. I think its creator, UK-based Daniel Sell, strives and succeeds at making thoughtful work. I consider him a friend, whom I’ve had personal (albeit Internet-bound) interactions now and again.

+

I have BJ Recio to thank for the following insight. Talking to him about “Exotic Warrior”, BJ brought up a crucial point that I’ll paraphrase here:

Roleplaying the outsider can be bad, especially when it is used as an excuse by the West to do fucked-up shit. But it is not default bad. Assuming it is default bad centres the discussion on “Will White people fuck this up? (Yes.)”

Essentially, the argument against “Playing a character from the Other / that is Other-ed = BAD" assumes two things:

(a) Western participants as default; (b) harm (because of ignorance or bad faith) as default.

+

If your context -- your Background, hah! -- prompts you to experience Troika! with those assumptions; and therefore read “Exotic Warrior” as necessarily Orientalist, and racially-charged?

Your context is your context; I’m not going to invalidate it.

If you are located in a society where the binary of White / non-White overpowers everything, I certainly understand the whys and hows of your position.

Your context matters.

+

So does mine.

+++

I think I’m reacting badly to this because I personally feel turned away by this RPG Discourse Around Representation (tm), supposedly done in the name of my East-Asian ass.

I resent the idea that “Playing a character from the Other / that is Other-ed = BAD”. It threatens to render verboten the entirety of my RPG work.

I am a SEA creator trying to explore and be true to my context. If there is one constant throughout SEAsian experience, it is difference.

Our peoples have ever encountered and glamourised and hated each other, all of us simultaneously Us and the Other:

Japanese and Malay enclaves in Ayutthaya; Mongol invaders in Java, who never left; Luzones mercenaries, employed by both the Sultan of Melaka and his Portuguese enemies; The reputation of the Ilanun / Bajak Laut; White conquistadors (aforementioned above); The entire history of diaspora Chinese identities (my identity!) in SEA, generally;

Foreigners from foreign lands -- feared, not fully understood, not fully understanding, simultaneously conquering and settling and finding modes of belonging, becoming a part of the land.

Always arriving.

+

That the background music of my geography, discordant though it may be, is somehow so harmful it may only be meaningfully depicted in the hermetic context of a “game specifically designed to explore that”?

This feels bad, and extremely unwelcoming. It feels like a shut gate instead of an open door.

I refuse to be turned away.

+++

(Hopefully I can finally stop thinking about this shit.)

[gumnut-logic]

Random writer asks:

I have a few actually 🙂 if you're happy to answer them...

1 I'm curious to know how much time you spend on writing

2 Have you ever decided to abandon a WIP for good?

3 Are you willing to read through and critique fics that others write? If so, do you enjoy doing that?

I hope these questions are ok. I'm keen to find out your answers 🙂

::hugs you lots::

I'm curious to know how much time you spend on writing.

Far too much time. I stuff most of my writing into the cracks. On a typical day I get up, get dressed, have breakfast, drive eldest child to school and then sit for a half an hour in the carpark and write (sometimes not write because I’m easy to distract). Then work until lunch. Scoff food and write a little more. At the moment these two writing sessions are usually Callisto.

When I finally get home at night and get through dinner, probably fall asleep on the couch for half an hour because I ate too much carb for dinner, I drag myself off said couch and go out to the computer. This is when I catch up with my blog, post a few things and do the evening writing – which lately has been where I write the ficlets.

If I have the weekend free or at least one day of it, I will sometimes schedule the day to be a good chunk of major fic writing, in my current case again, Callisto. Callisto is on a weekly update basis, so I need to write enough in a week to keep about a chapter ahead of the publishing schedule and hopefully not publish anything that needs major changes. Ficlets get published whenever.

The difference between this year and last year. Is that last year when I wrote in the morning and at lunch I would publish that writing, if I could, on that day. So you would get updates to big fics daily. But this doesn’t give me the flexibility to fix holes that appear in the plot. Hence this year’s attempt to slow down a little and get a little more sense into my fic. Seems to be going kinda okay so far. I dunno? Is Callisto working? :D

I work almost fulltime, run a very small business with a number of clients, am a mum with two neglected children and an equally neglected husband…who sometimes helps me with plotwork because he is wonderfully supportive :D

 Have you ever decided to abandon a WIP for good?

Yes. Me and WIPs have a historically difficult relationship. Technically, I am on the spectrum, but you wouldn’t know it by just looking at me – mostly because I’m an old fart. However, if I wasn’t as ancient as I am and was currently in school, the signs are all there and I would likely be diagnosed with a bunch of things associated with that. I’ve spent my life fighting my inability to finish things and I like to think that I have come a very long way in achieving what I have. I can keep my attention and passion on things much longer than I used to when I was younger and I have learnt to congratulate myself when I complete something rather than berate myself when I don’t.

The amount of anxiety induced by fretting over unfinished work can literally cripple my ability to produce anything. Something like this occurred at the beginning of this year where some may recall me desperately asking permission to drop all my WIPs so I could start Callisto.

My brain fritzes and I have come to the conclusion that some fic is better than none fic. I give what I can, and if a fic fizzles out, well, I have to put it down and start something new otherwise that will be the end of me writing anything. So yeah, there are some fics that I will likely never finish, but they are sacrifices for future fic that I might finish.

I have to give myself permission to do that.

But the WIPs are still there and I think of them more than I should. I may return, I don’t know.

 Are you willing to read through and critique fics that others write? If so, do you enjoy doing that?

I don’t generally beta fics anymore. I don’t have time – see schedule above. Any time spent on beta-ing is time I lose for writing or other tasks and I just don’t have enough of it.

Also, I am a bastard of a beta. I’m naturally incredibly pedantic and my red pen is savage. No one wants me to do a full beta on their fic, trust me. Not even my fic lives up to it.

I do readthroughs for a select few, however, and they read mine and assuage my negative voices. I do try to encourage writing and creating as much as I can.

As for whether I enjoy it…proofing is a necessary part of writing, however it is one of the less enjoyable and I am incredibly impatient. Last year, I posted bits that I didn’t even readthrough at all. I do not recommend this method. You got all the errors. But generally I do readthrough my work at least once. Callisto is getting multiple readthroughs for both proofing and plot monitoring so theoretically should be of a little better quality than the average one of mine.

But no, proofing is not my favourite task. And proofing other people’s work means I have to slow down my reading enough to pick up mistakes and I don’t get to enjoy the story as much. So yeah, would rather just inhale fic, curled up in bed and enjoy it. But we all need more eyeballs on our work, so we do this because it is needed.

Thank you so much for asking and I hope these answers were what you were looking for ::hugs::

Nutty

(nuts)

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Hello! I'm pretty sure I saw you mention a while ago that you were disappointed by confessions of the fox, would you mind explaining why? I've seen mostly good things about it myself. If I misremembered then I'm sorry and I hope you have a good day :))

I think this is one of my less popular opinions. And I understand - we so rarely get historical fiction with trans folk as the titular character (indeed, we rarely get any fiction what that). So I get people’s desire to laud it. 

For me though? It fundamentally didn’t work as a book. As a story.  

Let me count the ways. (Apologies in advance for the length of this.)

First: If you’re trans-ing someone who was historically cis instead of seeking to find a real, historical trans or gender-nonconforming person, I have questions. 

Most of the questions can be summed up as: Why? 

I struggle with historical fiction that takes a cis person and re-imagines them as trans as if there aren’t already literal historical, real trans people out there whose stories can be told. It smacks as (unintended, well meaning) erasure of lived experiences. 

Jack Sheppard, to the best of our knowledge, was a cis dude. There were trans folk in London in the 1710s and ‘20s. You might have to dig a bit for them, but they’re there. Because trans folk have always been there. 

Second: Characterisation 

This is more personal taste, but I found Jack and his girlfriend Bess to be inexcusably boring. How a trans, thief and gaolbreaker in 1720s gin-soaked London can be written as boring is anyone’s guess. But he was. 

Jack had no real personality and I found his story to be uninteresting. Oh, he’s the world’s best thief and gaolbreaker, that’s nice. But on its own it isn’t enough.

He had few to no faults. Childhood trauma isn’t a personality. Nor is being trans. And the author relies heavily on gender + occupation (thief-ness) to equal personality. So it falls very flat.  

Bess, his girlfriend, is a mixed-race sex worker from the Fens (even though actual real-Bess was from Edgeware). She seems to only exist to demonstrate that Jack is good at sex. She also veers a little into the Mystical Woman of Colour Healer Who Aids The White Person on their Journey of Self Discovery trope. 

Neither Bess nor Jack undergo any real change in the book. They exist in a weird stasis and experience no development, despite living through some harrowing things. They’re wooden dolls who move through the story without really engaging with, or being influenced by, the things around them. 

The other “main” character is a modern Academic who “found” this supposed “manuscript” of Jack’s life and is annotating it. His story unfolds in the foot notes and it’s just so messy if not a bit contrived. It didn’t make sense. I think the author was trying to convey that the Academic was in a sort of dystopian future, but if that’s the case it didn’t work. And if that’s not the case, the entire inclusion of the Academic’s story served only to annoy and take me out of the reading experience. 

E.g. There’s a scene where the Academic is being taken to task by the Dean for playing stupid games on his phone during office hours and like honey, lapsed-historian/academic here, trust me the Dean doesn’t give a fuck what you do during your office hours so long as you’re in your office and students can come bother you about their poor marks. 

The manuscript is supposedly being sought after by this pharmaceutical company for nefarious reasons that never struck me as being entirely realistic/believable. Also, the university was spying on this non-tenured, slightly useless Academic as if he somehow mattered? Which made zero sense. Anyway, it was stupid and should have been ripped out of the final version. OR changed substantially. 

Jonathan Wild, the thief taker (main antagonist to Jack), is probably the only interesting person. 

Third: Lack of Follow Through, or, the Fabulism Was Not Used Well 

The book tries to blend in some fabulism to the world by giving Jack the ability to “hear” the thoughts of inanimate objects. This could have been fun and gone to some interesting places, but it failed to deliver. 

I personally found the shoe-horning in of “capitalism commodifies everything” to be sloppy and heavy handed. It was done with little grace and didn’t sit right given that we are dealing with the early modern period. Yes, you can use the past to critique our modern woes, but do it intelligently. Don’t slap modern points of view and understandings of things onto the past and expect them to make sense. 

Anyway, Jack spends the book hearing inanimate objects talk to him, asking him to “free” them, or something. And uh .. .it doesn’t go anywhere interesting after that. 

Also the correlation one can draw from these objects to, you know, slaves, is uncomfortable. Especially as it’s the cargo of the EIC ships that Jack hears. I don’t think it’s intended in any sort of malicious way, but the allusion is there and I always found it to be distinctly uncomfortable. 

Fourth: Misuse of Marxist Theory, or, More Heavy Handed Moralizing that Annoyed the Dear Reader because it wasn’t subtle and, more importantly, it wasn’t done intelligently. 

So, the author is an academic - studies 18th century lit. Which is readily apparent as his Academic (self-insert) character is, I believe, supposed to be a historian and uh ... you can tell that the author doesn’t know enough to wing that. E.g. How he interprets some of the laws and customs of the time. Instead of understanding the social, economic and, most importantly, environmental issues that gave birth to laws like “the corporation of the city of London owns the streets so you can’t muckrake” he chooses to understand them through a very 21st century lens (and a Marxist one at that. I know I’m perhaps a bit uncool for this, but I find the application of Marxist theory to the early modern period to be ... not useful). 

Do you know why, mid/late 17th century London passed these municipal laws? Because of the god damn fucking plague you numb nut. You absolute buffoon. It had nothing to do with “oh the City/government is evil and wants to own you” it had to do with the fact that no one cleaned the goddamn street. So the city took over doing it. 

Prior to this, in London, you were supposed to keep the street in front of your building clear of waste, debris, refuse etc. No one did this, of course. I live where it’s cold and snows a lot and people can barely shovel the 2 sq ft of sidewalk in front of their driveway in the winter. I dread the idea of an average homeowner being expected to keep the street clear and clean. 

Anyway, guess what dirty streets attract? Vermin. Guess what comes with vermin? Plague. Guess what happened in 1665/66? The great plague of London! 

17th century England might not have understood germ theory, but they did understand correlation. (Also, the population of London was doubling at the back half of the 17th century and streets needed to be reliably cleared for through-traffic reasons etc. etc.) 

ugh, sorry, that one in particular drove me up the wall. Not everything is a capitalist conspiracy. Especially when we’re talking about municipal by-laws from the 17th century. 

And I understand the temptation to read a lot of modern interpretation of words like “corporation” and “company” onto bodies that used these same words in 17th and 18th centuries. But the weight, meaning and connotation of “the worshipful company of merchant adventurers” is different from, I don’t know, “the tech company google” or whatever. The early 18th century is when we start seeing the birth of the stock market, of “venture companies” (i.e. merchant adventure companies), of a lot of the language and proto-iterations of what will grow to be economic institutions of our time. But it doesn’t mean they’re the same and that difference is important. Because Jack Sheppard is a man living in 1720 he’s not going to be having our modern 21st century critiques of capitalism because his engagement with the economic systems of his time would have been radically different to our own experiences. 

Fifth:  Unbelievable Top Surgery & Recovery 

So, Jack gets top surgery. In 1720s fever-ridden London. While quarantining in a brothel. 

And he lived! No infection! No tearing! He was up and about in a matter of days. I don’t remember if his nipples survived the operation or not but somehow Jack did. Without anesthetics! Or you know, any concept of hygiene. 

His Mystical Girlfriend Who Exists to Show How Good Jack is at Sex is also somehow Magically Very Literate and also Magically a Surgeon? and performs this surgery on Jack in the middle of a plague. 

The entire ordeal was so poorly handled in terms of believability that I literally set the book down and said “what the fucking fuck” to the empty room then drank wine before finishing the chapter. 

An aside, it is funny thinking about the quarantine chapters at this point. I read COTF when it first came out a few years ago. Sweet summer children, we none of us had any idea how to write quarantine scenes. 

That reminds me: the entire quarantine thing was presented as the government trying to control movement and take away people’s rights etc. instead of a very normal, typical response that cities had been enacting since 1350. Samuel Pepys, who lived through the 1665/66 epidemic, barely even notes the restrictions. He’s like just “hmmm I’d love to go to the pub but I also don’t want to die. so. *shrug*” 

At the time of the author’s writing, most of us in the western world had no idea how normal and day-to-day disease was for our ancestors and yes, sometimes there would be crackdowns to try and curb it if an epidemic hit. That was part and parcel of life. So again, Jack and Bess wouldn’t be like “ooooh we’re 21st century slightly libertarian lefitsts who think the government is doing this to control us and for nefarious purposes”. Much more likely, they would have been like Pepys and viewed it as nuisance, albeit a necessary one. 

Sixth: Overall Lack of Realism 

I think I’ve noted the big moments where I was like “no one in the early 18th century would think that I’m pretty certain”. This isn’t to say people didn’t grouse, complain about London government (and the king etc.), critique or question the world they lived in. They absolutely did! Regularly. With great verve and gusto, if the broadsheets are anything to go by. But their critiques, their complaints, suggestions for bettering life, are not the same as ours. Because how could they be? They lived in a different world, were responding to specific things, grew up hearing and believing certain things etc. 

Jack, aside from having minimal to no character, really did read like a modern slightly-libertarian leftist who was plunked into a novel that takes place three hundred years ago. 

In addition to unrealistic political views, his understanding of body, gender, sexuality and identity also read as incredibly modern. Now this is harder, because we have so few extant sources from that time on those who lived non-gender conforming lives, and from their point of view, so yes creative imagining and interpretation is the rule of the day for writing that. 

But, we do know how in general the average person engaged and understood gender and sexuality and that would, naturally, inform anyone whose experience was different. And that base line of “probably what a typical cis Englishman or woman felt about their body and identity” wasn’t present. At all. 

Indeed, gender engagement at that time was interesting. The concept of the body, the role of the physical body, how it was interpreted is absolutely fascinating and the author could have done some really cool things with that. But he didn’t. He went for slapping a modern interpretation onto the past. 

At this point, write a dystopian novel and make Jack a fictional character. That probably would have gone over better, for me at least. The conceit can remain the same: It’s the year 4056 and an Academic found a manuscript from the year 3045 when the Dystopia Was a Thing - and go from there. 

--- 

I think part of what made this very popular and why people seem so taken with it is that it reads smart. It reads like someone who has immersed themselves in that world etc. because of the slang and language used. 

Yet, for me, as someone who has studied this period extensively, especially queerness in London in the late 17th and early 18th centuries, it read flat and unrealistic. 

I was initially very enthused when I started it. There are some posts to that effect on my blog. But it very quickly went south. It tries very hard to be Radical and Smart and Subversive and Critiquing Everything and so I think it fails at the fundamental thing it should be doing: telling a good story. 

(Note: The book does try and address racism in London at this time. It also felt a bit forced. And Jack seemed to have no prejudices or preconceived notions about Indian and Black folk which isn’t realistic. Like, it might make him #Problematic but my dude, you’re writing a man born in 1702. He’s going to have some iffy views. That can be challenged! Absolutely. But they still would have existed.) 

---

Thank you for the ask! I again apologize for the length of the reply. 

[cyanoscarlet]

20/20 vision ☀️🎁 "He’s being saved again, comes the rueful thought. How many times does that make it, now?" The sheer *clenches fist* BACKGROUND in this line, how DARE you dani. This is the line that spawned my train of thought, I hope you're happy. Reducing me to angstful tears as I think about backstories and the potential in a hospital.

...... Aiyah...... (breaks into nervous sweats)

I’ll preface this with the fact that 20/20 vision, too, was a product of post-duty chaotic-brain-ing while on a coffee high, so thank you again! THANK YOU so much. Forever over the moon over this! <3

List of fic asks here!

He’s being saved again, comes the rueful thought. How many times does that make it, now?

20/20 vision, bungou stray dogs

(In which Chuuya is an ophthalmologist, Dazai is his optometrist, and they slowly fall in love.)

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☀️ -  Was there any symbolism/motifs you worked in? 

Apart from the obvious references to eyes, some of the other passages used in this story are, indeed, metaphors for certain aspects of Dazai and Chuuya’s relationship, as well as Chuuya’s developing feelings for Dazai— many of them I’ve only derived from rereading this fic again and again just now, you’ll note!

Just a few major ones among the many:

The business proposition - Dazai does mean it literally, but yeah, he’s also taken interest in Chuuya himself, and wants them to be in a relationship. Chuuya himself is at first tolerant, then accepting of it, which runs parallel to his growing thoughts and feelings for Dazai. The way he keeps track of how many times Dazai has said this now is indicative of that. He is still hesitant, of course— be it due to confusion or to career-related reasons, but Dazai is and will always be willing to wait for Chuuya, hence the gentle, persistent reminder every time he visits.

Also, yes, the ending part in which Chuuya calls back to this is totally him saying ‘yes’ to Dazai— tantamount to a love confession, if you will. The essence of that whole last conversation, in light of everything that has happened before it, makes the story come full circle in its own way. There is always something sweet about saying ‘I love you’ without actually saying it, and the symbolism of the business proposition works really well for this whole purpose.

The spare glasses - It reflects both Dazai’s long-term familiarity with (everything about) Chuuya at this point, and the fact that no matter what, Chuuya will always have a safe space (home) with Dazai himself, eye problems and friendship and everything in between. You have Chuuya ruminating on his pride and principles and admitting his own faults, and he can just be all of that— that is, himself, when he is with Dazai. And Dazai knows this, too: “You didn’t have to ask, you know.”

The coffee and prescriptions - In the more literal sense, it’s Dazai being his disaster himself + creating trouble (coffee), and Chuuya having to take care of him (prescriptions), albeit a bit more hilariously unwilling on his part. Subconsciously, Dazai is always wanting to keep Chuuya’s attention on him, hence the repeat offenses, but Chuuya is always willing to forgive him those anyway / shower the attention that Dazai wants. Similarly, the wine / coffee discussions represent their individual differences, and what Chuuya thinks of them. They do try their best to meet in the middle, though, coming to an understanding / compromise of sorts— you see this in the ending, too, when they go out drinking.

A note on Kunikida, and his relationship/s with Dazai and with Chuuya - Kunikida, in this story, is Dazai’s old classmate from college, and is currently Chuuya’s colleague in a different department. Although it may appear that Dazai and Kunikida seem a bit more dismissive of each other, they do have a good relationship founded on common ground (science / statistical analysis), which Chuuya does not share with Dazai (literature / writing). You are right in that this makes Chuuya and Kunikida good foils of each other, yet they, too, have a good relationship / understanding despite their differences, both as individuals (Chuuya in Ophthalmology and Kunikida in Internal Medicine) and within their respective relationships with Dazai (Chuuya being more tolerant / forgiving as the newer friend, and Kunikida being more strict / stern, as the older friend).

.

On the more headcanon-y stuff (which I really don’t think I’ll be able to write at this point because my brain is already decidedly chaotic as fuck hahaaahah), a couple of lines I’ve picked up that can be expanded on are:

1. Chuuya and 20/20 vision - As you may have probably sensed from his character (and it totally fits him in canon), he never really wanted to be a doctor. He even had a rebellious streak in college for it. He still ends up in med school, though, but he doesn’t have a direct goal / direction in life at this point. This is represented by his worsening visual acuity, which, yes, was directly caused by constantly burning the midnight oil while studying. He’s stuck in a field he doesn’t want, yet tries his best, way too much, that he just gets lost. It is at this low point in his life that he meets Dazai, and his life changes. He gets glasses, tries to make sense of his life (regain 20/20 vision), and where to go from there. And Dazai, god bless him, is always there, always has his back for the whole ride: He’s being saved again, comes the rueful thought. How many times does that make it, now? They fall in love along the way, and it takes very long for them to reach the endgame, but they do, and it is beautiful. Chuuya’s 20/20 vision is his contentment with his life now, and a forever with Dazai. It’s the best view he could ever wish for, and he is very happy with it.

2. Chuuya, Mori-sensei and Promises - A very different version of Chuuya learning from (and in turn, being influenced by) Mori from Fifteen (Pre-canon) Arc. I don’t have a solid one for this tbh, but let’s just say an encounter with Mori greatly changes Chuuya’s outlook and makes him choose Ophthalmology as his specialty, the way he comes to swear loyalty to Mori and the Port Mafia in canon. No real solid connection with Dazai, in this case, but feel free to make of it what you will! I’m not quite imaginative enough for this hahaha.

... Okay, that was long. (sweatdrops)

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🎁 -  Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this? 

First of all, do not drink brewed coffee at lunch time and end up with nearing 48 hours of palpitations later. Also, do not be like Dazai and drink 18 cups of coffee in one sitting, holy crap. I don’t think even Kunikida can save you from that if you do end up going over that literal and proverbial edge.

All that crap aside (which I do mean in earnest!), this idea totally came from a simple desire headcanon of Chuuya in prescription glasses. This, in turn, was influenced by downtime chats with my triage partner for that day, my classmate from med school now doing Ophthalmology residency. There were also other small things that happened to me IRL, like the way the lenses of my false glasses quickly yellowed within days of purchase, and the unexpected offer of free brewed coffee. Bottom line, take cues from real life; it’s a fun goldmine of tales tall and short, and you’ll have fun telling those because they are first and foremost yours. 

Similar to this, take note of the small things around you— pay attention to the way the leaves are swept by the wind, the way she crosses the street, the taste of the coffee you drink. Then describe those in your head— what I find works best for me is both immersing myself in the scenario and staying outside of it, like controlling a video game character / avatar, in a way. That way, I can develop my sentences in a vivid manner yet stay objective. (This is a bit harder to explain, actually.)

Most of all, write what works best for you, no matter what style you use. One quote I remember from English writing class (yet another gen-ed pre-req subject boohoo) states: “Write in white heat; revise in cold blood.” When you are struck by the idea, write it down. Let the ideas take over your fingers and let yourself get carried away. I admit that I really didn’t think through the plot of this very fic myself; I just let myself go until I was done a few hours later. This heat-of-the-moment writing high rarely happens to me (I wish it happened more often!), but I find that what I do come up with when I don’t think things through ends up a final product I quite like, other people’s feedback aside. The editing later is another story; don’t be afraid to critique your own work and adjust accordingly, if you feel that it will make the story better. (This part I have a decidedly much harder time with, but it’s still good advice, so I’m putting that down here, as well.)

.

Okay, that got reeeeeaaaaallyyyyyy long, now. Aegis really be pushing me to my limits every time we talk, and it’s making me grow and learn more about writing and about myself. I’m really, really grateful for this ask. I hope you all enjoyed reading this, too!

List of fic asks here!

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs “The Drev”

Thank you everyone for reading, I hope you like it please feel free to leave me critiques comments, ideas prompts, and messages. I love having all of the above :)

“It should be avoided at all costs.”

“Councilor, don’t you think that’s a bit of an exaggeration, the humans have joined the alliance, they are on our side.” Around the room, members of the galactic assembly lounged in their seats all filled aside form one conspicuously empty chair.

“I am not denying that. The humans have proven to be more than willing to work with us, but they are too powerful, to similar to be allowed to interact.”

Across the room an assembly member stood tapping the one of four feet on the ground with impatience, “And what do you suggest we do, we cannot make laws that prohibit their interaction. You know as well as I that humans have a compulsive need to break the rules. If we go right and out state that than they will surely seek each other out just to spite us.”

The room erupted into a chorus of voices, silenced only by the chairman pounding his fist against the table.

“Even if we could make laws like that, only the humans would be subject. The others have not agreed to join the alliance. I agree that allied they would represent the greatest threat to the galaxy there ever was, but they were on opposite sides of the war. We are just going to have to hope that their mutual hatred will keep them apart. In the meantime we will work to keep the humans satisfied, better to ally with them than fight against them.”

The room was silent, a mutter of agreement washed around the room.

The Vrul representative nodded thoughtfully, “We just have to hope.”

***

“And what made you think it was a good idea to try and befriend a horrific Zlorg Beast.”

“You know what Krill, if I want your sass, I’ll ask for it.”

“I say you asked for it when you came screaming down that hill being chased by ten tons of f*** off.”

The human rolled his eyes giving Krill a rude gesture, “You know what, every day you are more and more human, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s a good thing. You used to respect and fear me, and rightly so.”

“It’s sort of hard to respect and fear someone who accidently got themselves stuck in a trash can for over an hour.”

The man snorted as they skirted around another outbuilding, “Yeah, and I got twenty space credits for it, so it was completely worth it.”

They took another corner pushing themselves through the crowd and up onto the main thoroughfare, “Also kind of hard to be afraid of someone who has been involved in, a, and I quote “Cuddle puddle.”

Captain Vir shrugged, “Hey when you’re feeling down and everyone on the ship has a license for cuddle therapy, why not just do everyone a favor. Granted it usually devolves into a pillow fight, but that is beside the point.”

Krill shook his head, “Yeah, I rest my case….. what are we doing here anyway?”

The Captain shrugged, grabbing Krill by the arm and tugging him up a flight of stairs. Inflating his hydrogen sack, Krill floated up easily with him glad to avoid trying to walk up the stairs. The configuration of is body made climbing almost impossible. He deflated as they reached the top, and followed at the captain’s heels down the hall.

“You know what, I honestly don’t know. A couple weeks back, I got a ping on the radio that said I had a package waiting here. Didn’t say from who just said that I needed to come as soon as possible.”

Krill sighed, “You probably ordered ten tons of pop rocks or something.”

“That’s a good idea, but no because I would have remembered bringing that kind of joy into my life.”

They turned another corner and made their way up to the shipment bay approaching the desk. The Rundi behind it gave them one look, “Name and shipping number please.”

“Captain Vir number 14566889.”

The Rundi behind the desk went very still all of a sudden, “889?”

Vir and rill exchanged glances, “Um…. Yeah.”

“That shipment’s for you…. I…. Ill go get it then, shall I.” He stumbled away quickly leaving Vir and Krill looking at each other in confusion not really sure what that was all about.

They had been lounging around for a good few minutes speculating about what it could be, when footsteps reached them. They turned just in time to see the Rundi clerk come around the corner, followed by an immense shape with metallic blue purple carapace.

The noise that the human let off was a primal sound of fear and waring, Captain Vir staggered back tripping onto his back and scrambling away as the Drev stepped into view, immense, powerful, terrifying. Krill squealed and ran behind the captain away from the hulking metallic shape. The captain’s face was pale white his eyes were wide with primal fear as the creature moved towards them, Krill was acutely aware of the captain’s story.

The creature that took his leg.

“Captain Vir.” Underneath the translation the creature clicked and hissed, “It is a pleasure to meet you again.”

Vir scrambled back further crawling into an awkward crouch eyes moving from wide to narrow. “What do you want?”

And then weirdly enough, the creature knelt down and bowed its head, “I have come, to learn from you. Such a great warrior race, you beat us on our own home world, there is much to learn.”

“Look, I don’t know what sick game this is, but…. You nearly ripped me in half. I’m not likely to let you aboard my ship.”

The creature tilted it’s head to look at him, “And you didn’t kill me when you had the chance, why?”

The captain paused, “I…. I don’t know.”

“After the war my race was disbanded removed from our seat of power doomed to wander the universe hated and feared, but the only people more feared than us is you. I have thought long and hard about the war, about what we did, and I have come to the decision, I wish to learn from you to understand what I lack. You were not built for war like I, but you have something we don’t, something that makes you powerful.”

“Yeah, it’s called not being homicidal psychopaths, maybe having compassion or mercy. You took my F***ing leg, and you really think I’d let you aboard MY ship just so that you can learn how to be more powerful. Fat chance you oversized beetle”

The creature didn’t move, “Yes, it was I, but I intend to return what I took.” Krill hadn’t noticed, but by the creature’s side sat a silver case. They watched in surprise as the box was opened to reveal a glittering metallic blue leg with green bands. The metallic parts were made from, what appeared to be carapace. Unlike a human leg, the prosthetic was built more like that of the creature scaled down. The foot ended with three mechanical toes and one spur.

“I built this from the bodies of the fallen, and my own armor; to wear it would be to make you one of us, you would have all the rights under our law as if you were born Drev. It is a symbol of my respect for you and your race. I only ask that you take me with you, and I will follow your rules and your laws.”

Vir seemed surprised, confused, and scared, but the anger had fallen from his face. He paused, “How can I rust you. How can you ask me to do this after what you did? I have nightmares because of you.”

The creature watched him unblinking before stating in such a matter- of – fact tone. “You killed many of my brethren, members of my own family, and yet I have forgiven you. War is war, and things done in war are not out of personal spite. You were the enemy and I fought the enemy, but I fought you with respect.”

The human had gone quiet now staring at the creature, staring at the glittering metallic offering. Krill looked on in confused surprise, from what he had heard of the Drev they were beings whose only thought centered around war, to assume they had philosophy or conscious or government was out of the question, but here, he was one of their number seeking knowledge and refuge from a human, the very human it had attempted to destroy.

“And….. you would follow my orders.”

Krill chirped in shock, “Captain, you aren’t really thinking about saying yes?”

He held up a hand.

The creature bowed its head, “To the death.”  

There was a long moment of silence as the human looked between the Drev and the offering fighting an internal battle. Krill didn’t see how the Drev could win this argument, it just didn’t make sense. The fact that the captain was thinking about it was shocking enough to change things. But he couldn’t agree to this, it was madness.

The human snapped the case shut. Krill gave a sigh of relief.

The man looked up at the creature, “You can come onto my ship, but if you so much as put one toe out of line, I will end you. If you can, in some miraculous way prove to me that you are worth the trouble, than I will think about making this a more permanent solution.”

Krill squealed in shock, ”Captain!”

The Drev lifted back to its feet towering a good foot above the captain’s head, “I follow your command.”

“Captain, what are you doing?” Krill squeaked scuttling at the captain’s heels as he walked away a Drev shadow behind him.

“It offered its services, said sorry, and agreed to follow my command Krill, I….”He sighed, “It deserves a chance.”

“Not from you.”

“Especially from me. If it tries anything I’ll kill it. If I don’t do this, that it takes the moral high ground, and I’m a jerk. I can’t let that be the case. I…. I need to get over what happened, and what better way to do it than this?”

Krill protested some more, but he captain ignored him turning to look at the creature.

“What’s your name?”

Some hissing clicking sounds.

“Ok, that doesn’t help. Not even a little bit, not at all.”

“It means Sunny.”

“Sunny, kind of an innocuous name for a death machine……Well, Sunny male, female, neither?”

“Female.”

Vir stopped and blinked turning to look at her, “Is that why you’re so short.”

Sunny frowned, “I’m short because I’m short…..”

The captain shrugged and took a deep breath quietly muttering, “What have I done.”

***

The galactic assembly would not be pleased about this.

[asouthernprincessupnorth]

Sweetener Tour, 19 September 2019, Sheffield

Hi guys! You can guess from the title what this post is about: Ariana Grande’s Sweetener Tour! I went to her concert with a very dear friend, Nabil, and let me tell you that it was amazing.

So, we bought the tickets way back in December 2018, if I’m not mistaken. When I found out that Ariana was coming to the UK, I thought I just had to see her at least once. Me and Nabil looked at her schedule and when I found out she was coming to f-ing Sheffield, I just knew that there is no way I could possibly miss out on it. I mean, Sheffield, of all places!

I got up as early as I could on the day of the ticket sales and within a minute that the tickets were being sold, I couldn’t get any. I kept on refreshing the page until it showed I could get two tickets on the f-ing Gold Circle, which is basically the most expensive ticket category (but not as expensive as VIP-Meet & Greet). After hastily agreeing with Nabil, I clicked on the purchase. Yep, I bought a very, very expensive concert ticket.

Me and Nabil went to the venue as soon as queuing was allowed by the Arena and we spent at least three-and-a-half to four hours in the queue. Was it worth it? It was. We got into the Standing area but I just knew that our Gold Circle tickets should’ve gotten us closer to the stage so I basically ran to the edge of the Standing area, showed our Gold wristbands to the security guards, and got ourselves into the f-ing Gold Circle. I ran and managed to stand on the second-to-front row. Let me tell you this: it felt awesome. Me and Nabil got slightly separated because he went to buy us some water (which each cost f-ing £2.50) and when he returned, two girls and a mother already stood behind me. But it’s okay. He was still very close to me and we managed to chat a bit during the concert. Also, so many young girls (preteens and even a child barely five years old) going there with their mummies and daddies. Wow.

Social House and Ella Mai opened the concert. I honestly loved Social House! I’d never heard their music apart from their collaboration with Ariana on Boyfriend but they had such positive, great energy and were very engaging with the audience. I might’ve not known any of their songs but when they left the stage, I knew that they made me want to listen to their EP. Ella Mai had a very beautiful voice but, sadly, I felt she wasn’t very engaging. The stage was rather circular/oval-shaped, with the central void being filled with VIP audience and the outer parts of the circle surrounded by Gold Circle (yes, I’m terrible at describing visual stuff in English). However, Ella stayed only on the main stage with the musicians and did not go around on the circular part, which made things less engaging (at least in my opinion).

Warning: The part about Ariana is very much all over the place.

Now. Now. Ariana. The songstress herself. Good God. She opened with the intro raindrops (an angel cried), and the crowds just went mad, including yours truly. We basically screamed and sang along and I saw that the stage was still empty but the visuals were starting. Oh. The visuals were very much all about the sun and stars and moon. When she started raindrops, it looked as though there was an eclipse or something.

And then, she rose up from the ground with her dancers in a very, very familiar setting: God is a woman as seen on the MTV VMAs 2018. Spread across a dining table, as though it was a reinterpretation of The Last Supper. And she sang. She had a very beautiful, very clear voice. I noticed, however, that the mic might not have been super clear because whenever she said anything that wasn’t her song lyrics (like when she greeted the audience or said something about the song no tears left to cry several songs after God is a woman), I couldn’t really hear what she said. Either that or she wasn’t very good in her pronunciation (this is actually one of the quite valid critiques of her vocal/singing. Yes, I love and adore Ariana but I also agree that sometimes she doesn’t enunciate well).

Anyway. I had a very, very magical 90 minutes listening and watching Ariana’s performance. She was generally energetic, fun, and engaging. She was appreciative of her band and her backup dancers, whom I think she genuinely sees as her friends. Ariana’s vocals, though, are the star of the show. Of course, what else do you expect from her? Every time she hit a high note it made me feel like I was being choked because how did she do it???? And she killed it. I’m pretty sure at some point I heard a whistle note from her, though it wasn’t as flexible as Mariah Carey’s had been in her prime. This isn’t a bad thing, though. It’s great that Ariana can do whistle notes, doesn’t mean she has to do it in the most vocally-acrobatic style because God knows stretching it too far can affect your other vocal abilities.

I loved every part of it, of course, but I really loved her performance of NASA. I guess that’s because it’s my favourite song off thank u, next. To be honest, lots of the songs were kind of a blur to me but in a good way: I couldn’t remember exactly how she did it because I was just so happy with singing and screaming at the top of my lungs. I hope that’s a good sign, though. Anyway. NASA was such a great performance and I honestly remember not being able to properly record a video of it because my phone’s camera is absolute crap and Ariana’s position onstage wasn’t strategic to mine. Still, I was like, f it I’ll sing my lungs out because that is what I want to do. I screamed so loud when she sang: “I’mma need space, I’mma need space”.

And also needy. I loved, loved, loved that song. needy is such a mood and I know it was a song of vulnerability but damn, I sang and screamed. It felt like pouring my heart out. I guess that’s exactly why thank u, next is my favourite Ariana album: it speaks to me. And when she sang, I know that she was singing what my heart felt, too. And it’s an amazing feeling.

Of course, no Ariana show would be complete without some sexy choreography, like in Side to Side and Into You. I sang and screamed but... mostly it was a blur. Again. I feel like because those songs are, so sorry to say this, generic provocative songs, it did not make me feel super connected or anything. It was fun to sing them and dance to them but wasn’t the most wow this is amazing OMG feeling. I did, however, enjoy break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored. Her vocals in that are amazing, oddly enough for that kind of song.

I also fell so much in love with R.E.M. I later found out it was at first a Beyonce song but Ariana made it a very, very lovely song. It’s actually very much like a lullaby and it’s such a sweet, sweet love song that sways your heart.

This has gone way, way too long (just like the intro of in my head, which wasn’t sung at the concert but used during an interval). Now. The grande finale: thank u, next. I recorded the whole performance and it actually made me feel rather emotional. I can’t possibly imagine singing the names of my exes every night for a year of touring, one of whom died of drug overdose and the other you thought you were going to marry. But Ariana sang it well. And again, I felt very connected to how she sang it. It’s not about whether you have as many exes as she does or anything: it’s about connecting on the understanding that you could take a lesson from the people in your past. And she closed the show with dances of love and pride.

So. I loved every second of it. It was worth every penny that I spent on it (though I would’ve loved if she’d sung for an extra 30 minutes lolz). It’s definitely something that I’ll remember for as long as I live, and I’m just ever so grateful that of all the places, I chose Sheffield and so did she, both in 2018. She delivered a beautiful, fun, entertaining performance and it was such an amazing way to close my postgraduate studies (sort of). It’s incredibly strong of her to embrace her vulnerability and create something that connects with others.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I find the whole “CANCEL ANY ARTIST THAT CLAPS BACK AT YOU WHEN YOU GIVE THEIR WORK A 1/5 AND SAY IT MADE YOU VOMIT (it did not)” thing that’s been a hot topic lately, especially re: book reviews, though the Lizzo Incident from a while back comes to mind too, kind of like... highkey ridiculous?

Like, it’s not the best look to respond to a critic, especially if you aren’t measured in your response.  It’s probably for the best if you just... don’t.  For the sake of your career, even if you’re in the right.

But PARTICULARLY on Goodreads, I see people discussing the topic as if one or two very major outlier incidents (that aren’t okay) are the standard?  Like, if you give a book a 1/5 and write this messy review about how it RUINED YOUR DAY and BURNED YOUR GRILLED CHEESE full of outdated gifs of people z-snapping somehow makes you, a reviewer with 5 people following you, this BOLD HERO who’s risking her life?  

“Don’t silence me” is the vibe I get from these reviewers, and if silencing people was a thing these artists were doing I’d be like sure... but for the most part, no.  Publishers silence people.  Labels silence people.  Studios silence people.  On occasion, very successful actors and musicians silence people (authors are way less likely to get that kind of bank even if they are wildly successful, at least in today’s industry)... but then again, the really really successful people usually don’t care enough about your puny review to silence it.  And then the reviewers who have the clout to REALLY affect shit are backed by major publications.  Like, someone @ing you on Twitter is not getting your Goodreads review taken down.  And again, compared to the amount of reviews by randoms pouring in every day of every little thing, the amount of creatives responding is so minimal?  

If someone were to respond to me shitposting a review of some book on here, I would be kind of annoyed (I also think I’d be kind of.............. shocked).  But unless the author was a TRUE OUTLIER, which can always happen but is not the rule, I probably wouldn’t have anything to worry about.  I probably wouldn’t engage, but even if I did I would probably get made to look like the one in the right because that’s the way the wind goes.  There’s a projection of privilege made onto artists, and some, probably a small number comparatively, have REAL privilege.  But most don’t. 

And the biggest thing I keep circling back to is that this is only a big deal now because the internet makes it viewable.  Take it from me, someone who studied artists for my undergrad degree--people have always been having little shit fits about others not liking their work.  To an extent, I totally get it.  Art is really personal.  It’s hard to stop yourself from taking a critique, ESPECIALLY a really poorly thought out critique, a shitty one, personally.  (And yes, shitty critiques totally exist.  You can say that something is total garbage, and you can still say that in a manner that’s not shitty.  Not to spare someone’s feelings, but to display the fact that you are actually thinking critically.  That’s the point of a critique for YOU, the critic, and it should be as productive for you as it is for the artist at least.)  Today’s internet culture also makes the shitty critiques, the ones that are so badly done that I loathe the fact that these people are being given power but that’s just the way the world works I guess... powerful.  Hyperbole catches the eye.  And this is a bigger deal on sites like Goodreads right now because that hyperbole can, for totally undeserved reasons, sink someone’s career before it begins.  People who would probably never get hired by a reputable publication--not that this is the only thing that makes your criticism worthy, but it’s something to keep in mind--are killing careers, and I get why it’s making authors and other artists frustrated, and it kinda sucks.  So it’s not great for the authors to respond, but the climate also isn’t great for anyone because before it was all out in everyone’s faces all the time, you could respond and you could get petty and you would be able to walk past that mistake and prove yourself the next day.

That’s all.

[definitefraggle]

thought-vomit

1. What if... we could critically examine our own sexual and non-sexual desires within the context of the society and power dynamics we grew up in... and STILL NOT shame or harrass anyone else over their own desires? It’s almost like it’s possible to do both!

2. Persuadable targets are the most effective targets. If you phonebank or canvass for a Democrat, your canvass director won’t send you to knock on the doors or call the homes of hardcore Repubicans. They’ll send you after people who are gettable. So it makes sense that antis go after people who are “gettable” in pursuit of ridding their online spaces of content they dislike.

3. What makes the majority-female population of Tumblr Fanfic Fandom “gettable” or less scary to go after vs. straight cis boys at the chonz or Pornhub or e-hentai, etc., is worth examining and critiquing. In other words: the very things that make women “persuadable” ties directly into how women are socialized by a misogynistic world to be accomodating and to put the desires of others over our own. It’s logical to prey on that weakness (probably subconsciously, to be fair) but also gross.

4. Antis would probably be opening themselves up for harrassment/doxxing/etc. if they DID go after the straight cis boys and their objectively much more politically distasteful porn

5. But that doesn’t make it any less frustrating and rage-inducing when they don’t go after those guys. Like, if you care about Problematic Porn and ridding the world of it, porn for straight cis dudes is always going to be worse. Always! And you don’t even have to go to Pornhub, plenty of it is right here on Tumblr!

6. In the Ye Olde 90s and Early 2000s, the sexy trendy hot-in-the-streets crusade was that Fanfic Should Be Well-Written and You Should Be Fine With Strangers Critiquing Your Work and People Who Say They Write Fanfic Just For Fun Aka just want to write what they want and get praised for it no matter the quality level are Aliens We Cannot Understand! And Their Bad Fanfic Is Annoying To Sift Through And it Shouldn't Be This Way!

In retrospect, that was really dumb, like the anti stuff is. The difference is, calling someone a bad writer is much, much less harsh and damaging than calling someone a PEDOPHILE. 

It is also much easier to doxx people these days than it was then. It's also much easier to whip up a mob against people these days than it was then because there are simply more people using the internet now.

There were ship wars back then, also -- I remember hearing, perhaps falsely, that someone was even doxxed or had their employer called during the Ray Wars -- but, again, it's so much easier to doxx and mob people now.

It's also frustrating, as a political junkie who is heavily invested in the world becoming a more just place for the people with the least amount of power, to see what are often basically ship wars using the language of social justice. Like, issues of race, sex, class, etc., obviously affect all aspects of life, including hobbies like fanfic writing, and I am totally on board with, as I said at the start, critically examining everything through that lens. Even masturbation! I'm fine with naval-gazing and discussing and thinking shit over! More than fine with it.

But using those issues disingenuously to basically push for your preferred ship over those icky ships you dislike... it's just making a mockery of these battles that people literally bled and died for. It's beyond stupid.

7. I hope at some point, some ex-anti can do some kind of red-yarn-murder-board and show me if all of this degraded version of meta and discourse literally just came from ontd and sf_d folks jumping ship from LJ to tumblr. Aka, people just moving toxic communities from one platform to another. I mean, I am happy to be proven wrong, show me how it actually started, I'd love to see it. I just, idk, there's probably a really interesting post to be made by someone who was actually part of the first waves of this.

8. I was there for Strikethrough and Boldthrough and I was definitely... amused/irritated at the time at all the, "HOIST THE PIRATE FLAG! TO THE BARRICADES!" rhetoric and I had a looooot of Jew!rage at the CONSTANT invocations of the PASTOR MARTIN NIEMOLLER POEM over FANFIC PORNOGRAPHY even though in past years I had been more chill on parodies of it and in recent years I am much more chill about it again, but I tended to keep my mouth shut because I wasn't one of those affected by the deletions. 

All that said, AO3 ended up being a great thing to come out of it. Boldthrough/Strikethrough was something that legitimately was scary to fanfic writers and really should have been scary to anyone that even wants to discuss books, let alone write fiction of any kind -- I think a Lolita discussion community was deleted?! A community discussing a frickin' book? That should bother you, and if it doesn't, idek what to do with you.

I am not a free speech absolutist, I believe in censoring and no-platforming hate speech and I think there are discussions to be had about what kind of speech and art you want in your community vs. what you don't.

But AO3 had that discussion, and they made the decisions they made, and they made them for reasons I understand and support. If you don't like it: Weebly is right there, bud, make your own archive for your own fic.

My point is: I was not a "HOIST THE MIZZENMAST, LADS! WE FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!" person during Strikethrough and even I know that it wasn't a CABAL OF PEDOS trying to KEEP PEDO-ING AROUND ffs. Stop lying about shit you weren't even around for.

I’m personally veeeery uncomfortable with chan/actual underage fic but if everyone who read or wrote it was a pedophile, then ... look, there cannot statistcally be that many pedophiles. If you think that many people are legitmately sexually attracted to irl children, your personal project shouldn't be ridding the internet of fanfic, it should be working on NUKING THE HUMAN RACE because too many of us aren't attracted to adults and our species no longer works. Like, it's Twelve Monkeys Virus time if you think these are the stats.

8. I hope antis shipping symbrock is the equivalent of when me and other Fanfic! Should! Be Good! people eventually evolved, like pokemon, into Fanfic! Should! Be Porn! people, but it's also fucking frustrating lololol

[marybeatriceofmodena]

Highkey would love to hear about your critique, tbh. I totally agree about the execution part, there are some arcs that don’t really land and some themes that contradict each other in TLJ, and I think those things definitely could be discussed. I don’t think, or at least I‘d hope that, anyone would have issues with someone bringing up their thoughts about the execution of the story, since trying to convey an idea and conveying that idea well are two different things

I’m just going to put in bold an element of your ask, since I think that’s very important here: 

“Trying to convey an idea and conveying that idea well are two different things.” 

Look, I came out of TLJ with a certain interpretation, but I’m honestly… not even sure it’s the right one? And the problem with the film is that while it seems like it’s trying to convey a certain idea, there are also all sorts of unfortunate implications that come with it, and I’m not sure whether TPTB are aware of them or not? 

Another issue is that TLJ is meant to be a grey, nuanced movie - but it’s honestly very hard to tell if it’s the case from beginning to the end? Sadly, it seems like discussions on the topic get heated thanks to fandom wank… 

I’ll maybe expand on it more one day (lol), but my PoV is that while Rey’s heart was at the right place, her rescue plan… honestly could have been better thought-out lol. And for me, it’s too jarring of an issue for me to say that Rey was never wrong ever. 

And honestly… okay, sure, Ben should have done the “morally right” thing. But again, the problem is that in this case, the “morally right” thing would have got both of them killed (remember both Rey and Ben have no idea Holdo’s gonna ram in the Supremacy in a few minutes), and they were also in a situation where they were unable to save the Resistance. For me, it was a case of morals vs. cold pragmatism… but I’m not sure whether it’s cold pragmatism or evilness… while it’s not evilness. Notice that I’m excluding Ben’s subsequent temper tantrum on Crait afterwards (for which, yeah, he deserves a good kick in the groin)… even if it was kind of due to Rey handling the situation in the Throne Room pretty poorly, lol, although Ben’s reaction was very disproportionate (man, these kids can’t do things in halves, can they?). Like, heck, a screaming match leading to the two of them fighting for the lightsaber would have worked better. 

And what makes it harder is that if I’m meant to feel sorry for poor, broken-hearted Rey… next time we see her after the Throne Room confrontation, she’s woo-hoo-ing while shooting TIE fighter pilots? So for me, at least, it makes it hard for me to sympathize with her. Like, heck, there’s nothing wrong with showing her waking up in the Throne Room before Kylo and tearing up a bit. Here, it looks like she just doesn’t care. So it makes you kinda go: “You know what? Screw you.” Which is… probably not the reaction they were going for. 

UNLESS… the intention was to make us see Crait from Ben’s PoV, hence why my first viewing of TLJ… was pretty visceral. Like, yes, Ben is wrong. Yes, he’s an asshole. But… you understand why he’s reacting the way he does. Because it’s been that way his entire life? Does it justify his actions? No. But you understand. 

But again… I don’t know whether I’m right or not. And if there’s one thing I hate when I watch a movie, or read a book, it’s when I feel like the author is taking my hand and pointing me what perspective I have to take on her work. Which I find… patronizing at best. And sometimes, that’s kind of how I feel about TLJ. But only Episode IX will confirm things for me, and maybe soften the blow, lol. 

I’ll remind, once again, of what you said: the matter is not the overall idea. It’s how it’s executed. 

[fatphobiabusters]

Content warning: Pro Anorexia, Pro Bulimia, Weight Loss, Eating Disorders, Thinspo

I wouldn’t normally post what someone sent us in a fanmail, but this made me angry enough that I feel it should be addressed here.

I’m sure this person was well-intentioned, but I need to discuss this with you all because there is something you really need to understand, something this person didn’t. 

I am sick and tired of the way that, whenever we call out the hatefulness and dangerousness that is the pro-ana mentality, whenever we call out people who just happen to have anorexia for their fatphobia, whenever we call out rhetoric that pushes eating disorders onto others and tries to conflate restricted eating or starving with some kind of glamorous, healthy, wonderful weight loss diet that will make you oh so beautiful, etc., someone always has to scream at us for supposedly hating anorexic people or not understanding what anorexia is. 

I’m fed up, honestly. 

Recently, I made a post explaining that fitspo and pro-ana are connected, and that is why I don’t like fitspo. Fitspo isn’t about being healthy and fit; it’s about damaging your body and taking on dangerous exercise regimens while not nourishing your body or even starving yourself. And like pro-ana, fitspo pushes the idea that having body fat is a horrible, horrible thing, that it is shameful, that it is a failure on your part, etc., and that you should be willing to go to any length, to even die, to get rid of all your body fat. Which, for the record, is literally impossible, and this pursuit really can kill you. 

And in the post, I said, “You can check our other posts on pro ana to fully understand the mindset behind these blogs and see what kinds of things they say and post.” And I said that because every single time we talk about pro ana, people don’t understand how it’s different from just being anorexic, take what we said as some kind of attack against or blanket statement about all anorexic people, and start massive fights and spread rumors about how much we “hate” people with eating disorders. 

Which, by the way, anti fat acceptance people use against us to try to show people with eating disorders that fat people are their enemy (completely ignoring you can be fat with an eating disorder) and that they should become fatphobic and anti fat acceptance too. And it works. And for many people with eating disorders, that is extremely dangerous, because if you see fat people as a bad thing, you will see fatness as a bad thing, and then it only becomes harder to recover and to take care of your body because you become more and more desperate to not be fat. 

Obviously, eating disorders aren’t always about not being fat- but it would be ignorant and false to say that that is never a factor, or that weight is never a massive concern for people with anorexia, bulimia, and the like. 

So I wanted to make the point right away: if you don’t know what pro ana is, you can look it up on our blog and see it for yourself. That way, there should be very little misunderstandings here. 

We have many posts about how people with anorexia are not the enemy, how people with anorexia deserve help, love, and support, etc., but how using anorexic people as a tool in your anti-fat rhetoric or promoting a pro-ana mentality is not okay. We have stated many times that we don’t have a problem with people with anorexia unless they treat us poorly for our weight- which, despite what you might want to believe, happens. We don’t treat them differently from anyone else in that sense. 

We aren’t going to give someone a free pass on being hateful and fatphobic just because of a factor of their identity, and that shouldn’t be seen as unreasonable. It’s not that we are judging them for their mental illness; it’s that we are holding them accountable for how their behavior and words hurt other people. The same thing we do with anyone else of any size or mental health status or whatever else. 

Hating pro ana is not about hating people with anorexia. It is about hating a specific mindset that tells people that starving is better than being fat.

I have literally seen the words “Better dead than fat” on these blogs. So this is not an exaggeration of what they are doing. 

So, onto this fanmail that bothered me so much. 

Hi. I read your recent post on fitspo/eating disorders, and I agree with almost everything. I hate pro-ana blogs with a burning passion, and have blocked a ton of related tags, including fitspo.

This is how the message started. And I want to believe the person meant it, that they understand how these blogs are hurtful and dangerous to a variety of people, that they get why we hate them so strongly. But I’m not convinced, and that’s because of what they said in the rest of their message. 

I do want to say, though, that some of the language you used to describe anorexia felt… surprising. The stuff about “eagerly starv[ing]” and anorexia being about hating fat people… it upset me a little

Except I never described anorexia in the post. I never talked about anorexia in general in the post. I talked only about pro ana blogs, about pro mia blogs, about fitspo blogs. 

And pro ana blogs, pro mia blogs, and fitspo blogs often promote the hatred of fatness, of being fat, of looking fat, of fat people. We’ve talked about it before here, and if this person had actually gone through our other posts on the topic, they’d know what I mean. Many of these blogs hate reblog pictures of fat people to use them as examples of what “ugly” looks like and to motivate themselves not to be fat. They leave mean, horrid comments on these pictures. They describe fatness like it’s a moral failure. Again, they say it’s better to be dead than fat. They bully fat people, they say awful things about fat people, they attack others for not hating fat people... I mean, it’s impossible to deny that much of what they are doing is about their hatred of fatness and their fear and disgust of the idea of being fat themselves.

And they are proud of their starvation. They show it off like a badge of honor. They don’t feel like they are hurting themselves. They, in fact, brag about how much they are bettering themselves by losing weight. They flaunt it, and encourage others to starve themselves. They are always eager to learn new unhealthy quick methods of weight loss to combine with the starvation. They post selfies of their progress, partially to fish for compliments from others who share the same mindset, and partially in hopes of getting insulted to keep motivated to keep starving. That is pro ana! This is not anorexia in general!

And I know that, which is why the post was only about pro ana. 

The whole point of the post was to answer a question we keep getting in our inbox: “How can you possibly hate fitspo/fitspiration?” And so I answered it, by first explaining pro ana and second by drawing the connection between the two. 

The post was never talking about anorexia. Hell, some people who run pro ana blogs don’t even meet the medical requirements of anorexia or even atypical anorexia, because you don’t necessarily have to starve yourself in order to encourage others to starve themselves and say that being fat is the worst thing ever! So although uncommon, not all of these blogs are run by anorexic people! Many fitspo blogs, for example, are not!

Anyway, the fanmail went on from there to talk about the sender’s own anorexia... again, completely missing the part about how this isn’t about anorexia in general. And the best part was that they felt the need to “educate” me on how anorexia is often about control... something I already know, because every time people scream and insult us for “attacking” anorexic people, they feel the need to tell us this.

And never once did the sender consider that maybe we at this blog have more experience with eating disorders than they think. They spent the whole time “teaching” us about them, assuming none of us have ever struggled with one. 

Sender, maybe you should check our “atypical anorexia” tag and see all the drama we have caused in the past by pointing out fat people with eating disorders exist- including fat people who restrict their eating or starve themselves. Why? Because you may find out that making assumptions about the mods is a shitty thing to do. 

My eating disorder isn’t because I hate fat people. I’d wager that most eating disorders don’t stem from that, even if they look like it.

No one was talking about you, though, sender! If you are not a pro ana blog, our posts calling out pro ana are not about you! 

And for the record, not everyone who hates fatness and fat people realizes they do! Fatphobia is one of those things that, like many other prejudices, you can have without even realizing! 

Also, being fatphobic against yourself still counts as being fatphobic! And surprise, there are a lot of people out there who claim to never hate fat people but sure do hate themselves for being too fat or for being too much “like” a fat person (i.e. eating too much, not caring about their weight as much as they “should,” typical fat people stereotypes like that)! And that still hurts other fat people even if you don’t want to believe it! 

Yeah, I know this person meant well, but I am angry. I am tired of having these conversations over and over again. 

Pro-ana is disgusting and should be banned from Tumblr, but anorexic people, and people with other EDs, are human too, and we suffer in ways which are certainly not as superficial as they might seem at first glance.

Yes, I know this. Still doesn’t change that pro ana is fatphobic and dangerous and that I am allowed to call it out. Which is all I did. Seriously. 

Please y’all, read our posts carefully before you “critique” them next time? And don’t make shitty assumptions about our mods or our opinions and viewpoints when you do? 

- Mod Bella