#cw death in childbirth

[loudclan-clangen]

Loudclan - Moon 22: Part 1

Eklutna gives birth to her first litter: a sweet tom, a quiet tom, and an inquisitive tom.

The healers are unable to stop the bleeding. Eklutna dies at 100 moons old. Her kits are unnamed.

[Ooo, cliffhanger! But, then again, is it really? I mean, we all KNOW who the father is. It’s like half of the asks in my inbox. Y’all don’t even need me, heck, I could go on vacation for a month and just leave you guys to it! All jokes, of course, I LOVE all of the speculating and guessing you guys have been doing, and the only reason I haven’t been replying to it is that some of you guys are TOO GOOD (like, I had to double check that I hadn't accidentally leaked my own notes document good). In all seriousness though, I am going to be taking a break! I am still absolutely enjoying doing this and plan to continue for as long as you guys will stick around, but in order to stay in that positive headspace I have to take time off occasionally. Don’t worry, I won’t be gone! I’ll still be receiving and answering asks/fan art/messages it will just be slowed significantly. I’ll also be working behind the scenes to put together something special for you guys as a reward for being patient with my little vacation (Keep an eye out for a poll regarding this)! Oh, and if you have any suggestions/requests for how the blog could be better organized now is the perfect time to send those in. Anyway, this is all to say “Moon 22 Part 2 Oh No! The Consequences of my Actions!” is coming early July!]

Real talk though, apart from the announcement I just want to say how awesome you guys are. The community here has healed my heart in so many ways and I can’t wait for my own break to be over so that I can keep giving you guys pieces of this story to enjoy! While I’m gone please consider checking out other Clangen blogs on here! My personal favorites are @fallenclan the first blog I ever came across and very long running so it has lots to binge read, @jungleclan / @circus-clangen I’m like 99% sure they’re run by the same person but now that I’m typing it I’m second guessing myself, they’re also on break rn which means it is the perfect time to get caught up and ready for the next puzzle, @nettleclanstale who posts so frequently I am pretty sure they’re a wizard who pulls art straight out of their brain a instead of drawing it, and @crowclan-gen run by an irl friend of mine who’s just getting started out!

First Moon

Next Moon

[cuubism]

Hope for the Future

~2k, Dreamling, 1589 era, post-Eleanor's death, dream conversations and revelations. cw death in childbirth

Dream and Hob meet at Eleanor's deathbed, in a fashion.

--

Ages ago I wrote Patron Saint, a fic about Hob's friendship with Death. For a while I wanted to write a companion piece from Dream's POV since Dreamling is a background ship in that fic but their trajectory is different from canon. But lbr it's been 2 years and I haven't done that-- early on, though, I did write one scene from Dream's POV because I wanted to flesh out a potential moment that Death mulls on in Patron Saint, when she was visiting Hob after Eleanor and the baby died:

“So many babies die,” Hob says. “Mothers, too, I—” he runs a hand through greasy, disheveled hair. “Do you think it will be better in the future? Because I haven’t seen that much improved. Not in my time.” “I imagine so, yes,” Death says. Dream would be able to answer this question for him better. Dream would be able to tell him what doctors might be imagining solutions to the problem, what midwives were dreaming of new ways to care for their charges. Hope for the future is Dream’s business, whether he accepts it or not. She wishes Dream were here. She has a strong feeling Hob would find even his stoic pretense at apathy comforting. Caring for others is strange like that.

Anyway I wanted that scene, I wrote that scene, I didn't write anything else to flesh out a companion piece but I think it stands on its own and can be understood even without reading the original fic.

--

Dream would assert that he did not care about Hob Gadling. He was not interested in Hob Gadling, beyond a passing curiosity in his approach to humanity, sated every hundred years. He was certainly not thinking about Hob Gadling, or his wife and small child and knighthood and other life goals he’d managed to accrue in this century. 

And yet, as he felt a particularly vicious nightmare go for Hob in his sleep, not long after their last meeting, he took note. 

He wasn’t sure why he took note. Perhaps because Hob had been on such a disgusting high last they’d met, it seemed strange for this to happen now. Perhaps because he knew this nightmare particularly well, had crafted it from deep in his own soul, as he so rarely did.

He followed the thread of the nightmare. 

Hob was running. Both from and after something at once. A darkness chased him. And another darkness retreated from him.

“Wait!” he yelled, reaching for it. Smoke slipped through his hands. Hob heaved for breath, stumbling to a stop as he ran out of air. He leaned on his knees, panting and coughing. “Wait,” he sobbed, but the darkness did not wait.

The other wave of darkness caught him, knocking him off his feet so he sprawled on the ground, hands scraping on the dirt. It didn’t attack him, just hovered over him like a blanket of fog, blocking the meager light. 

“You weren’t supposed to go,” Hob said into the darkness. It didn’t reply.

It was not an unreasonable nightmare for a father to have, Dream knew well enough. But the sharpness of those dark shadows – this nightmare was not pure fiction. It was drawing more from memory than he’d thought.

“Enough of this drama,” he commanded the nightmare. “Show me the truth of things.”

The scene of darkness faded to reveal an ordinary, if well-appointed bedroom. An air of sickness hovered, and death also – Dream could feel the echo of his sister near. 

A sickly woman, heavily pregnant, lay in the bed, and it was she that Dream knew was calling Death forth. She, and the tiny baby cradled in her womb, not quite ready to be born, and now would never be.

And Hob – not dying, he couldn’t, but he looked about as close to it as a man could come. Ashen, shaky, trembling.

“I love you,” he was saying, kissing Eleanor’s hand. “You know?”

This was still a dream, and this had all already occurred, Dream knew. There was nothing he could do here, not that he would. He turned to go, feeling stiff and cold in a way he decidedly did not like, when Hob looked up, and saw him.

Dream had not meant to be seen.

“My friend,” said Hob, surprise temporarily wiping the grief from his features. “You’re here.”

“I… am,” Dream conceded, and, drawn in despite himself, sat in a chair beside Hob. 

“I’m grateful for it,” said Hob. Dream didn’t know what he could possibly be providing that Hob was grateful for. Then, “There’s no hope, is there? I mean. I don’t know why I’d think you would know.”

Dream looked at the mother and baby before him. Hob had called him friend. A friend, he thought, would tell Hob that there was always hope. But that was not what Dream believed.

“I do not think so,” he said. “I am… sorry.”

Hob sighed. He was still holding Eleanor’s hand. “I have to tell you, I– whatever I might’ve said to you at our last meeting, I’m struggling to feel any of it right now.”

“That is understandable.” More understandable, Dream thought, than his declaration of Life is rich! that Dream had found so hard to swallow.

“I’ve known others who’ve lost wives, children,” Hob said, and Dream looked down. Hob would have no way of knowing who those others might have included. “But I guess I always thought, not me, never me, never my Eleanor. Not until she was old and gray, anyway. But I guess everyone thinks that, don’t they?”

“Perhaps.” Dream thought he himself had always known the cost would come due. Destiny might have said that was one of the reasons it did come due. You make your own end. But that would not help Hob.

“It’s got to get better,” Hob asserted. “It’s got to. It’s got to stop some day, doesn’t it? All these children, and mothers dying.”

The instinct to sneer at his optimism jumped up Dream’s throat, but he managed to bite it off. He did not want to be… cruel, he realized, to someone who was suffering. Especially within a dream; dreamers’ minds were not for him to subject to his own feelings.

“In Guangzhou,” he started slowly, the dreams coming to him like a light rainfall, “there is a doctor who has just crafted a new medicine to ease pain during childbirth. She has been dreaming of it for years. In Oyo, a healer is learning to tell earlier and earlier when a pregnancy is troubled, that they might intervene in time. A few months more, and they will have it. And down the street, here in London, a midwife is just planting the seeds for the hospital she will open to help unwed mothers with nowhere to turn.”

Hob stared at him. He seemed to be holding his breath.

“Dreamers abound,” Dream said, “but it takes time for their work to come to fruition.”

Hob continued to watch him. Something shifted in his eyes, as he looked at Dream. Dream wasn’t certain he liked it. 

“You know everything, don’t you?” Hob said.

“Not everything.”

“You know all of that,” Hob mused, “all these things that are happening. And… you still come to ask me if I wish to live?”

Dream bristled, and Hob raised his hands in surrender. “Never mind, never mind, forget I said anything. You’re entitled to your own feelings on the matter. Thank you, for those stories. It helps. Truly. And I’m glad that I’ll get to see it. One day.”

“‘One day,’” Dream echoed. “‘One day’ is a time when no children die and no famine walks the earth, when soldiers break their swords before the fight, and later bread with their enemies. One day is always one step into the future, Hob Gadling. Ever-moving.”

“Aye,” said Hob. “That’s the point.” 

Dream frowned. What pleasure could be derived from wanting and wanting, and never having, he could not fathom. He had crafted nightmares thus. What hope to find in hope itself continually being dashed?

“I look forward to seeing you every century, you know that?” Hob added. “No matter what else happens. Bad days, or good ones.”

Dream kept frowning, unsure of the connection.

“It’s important to have those things,” Hob said. He squeezed Eleanor’s still hand. “Even now. Especially now.” 

In Dream’s own… aftermath… he could not imagine finding comfort in anything. What help could some nebulous future date possibly be?

“If that is what helps you,” he said. 

Hob cast him a look like he just knew that Dream didn’t get it, and it rankled. But there was no true criticism in that look. Hob looked at him with an unfathomable fondness, always.

He turned back to Eleanor, just gazing at her face with an expression Dream found difficult to witness in its softness. Were this the waking world, she would have certainly passed by now. But moments could freeze indefinitely in the Dreaming.

“Do you think I’ll forget her?” Hob asked quietly, still looking at his wife. “The details of her face, I mean? Her voice? What she smelled like? My memory’s far from perfect, and there’s a lot of time for it to fade.”

Dream knew without having to actively make the vow to himself that he would be sending frequent dreams Hob’s way to ensure he did not. He should not do so. He should not interfere. 

But.

“There are some things one does not forget,” he said.

Hob swiped at his eyes. He was crying now. “S’pose you’re right.”

If Dream was any sort of friend – and he was not sure that he was, though Hob had declared him so – he would end this dream now and spare Hob any further torment of reliving this memory. 

Instead, he sat beside him, far longer than he intended. Sat in silence, listened to Hob’s breaths, his sniffles as he cried, the subtle movements of continued life. He stayed in this sea of human endings and sickness and grief. With Hob. Something unnameable sitting heavier and heavier within him. And more than once he told himself to rise and to end the dream, and he did not. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Hob finally said, when much time had passed and they still sat side-by-side. And it was this that finally reminded Dream that he should not be.

“I should leave you,” he said, standing abruptly. “This dream is–”

“Wait.” Hob took his hand. Dream should– Dream should yank it away in offense. He should take his leave of Hob instantly for the familiarity, the daring. 

He did not. He merely stood frozen as Hob pressed his hand between both of his own. His touch was very warm.

“Keep all those things in mind,” Hob said. His eyes still glittered with tears, but his words were steady. “Those infinite things you know about the world. Wherever you’re going.”

“I have much in mind at all times,” Dream told him. Hob had no idea how much. 

Hob smiled at him sadly. “I’m sure. Just think about it, okay? Those doctors in those faraway places. Alright?”

Dream studied him, but gleaned no additional information from it. “Very well,” he said at last.

Hob squeezed his hand once more, then let him go.

A friend might comfort him again, in these circumstances. But Dream was not certain it was necessary. He could see in Hob, even now, the spine of a man who would not break, even when he was so far down.

It was… curious.

Hob bid him farewell, eyes just crinkling at the corners. “Until we meet again, dear stranger.”

Dream stepped back into the comforting arms of the Dreaming proper, discomfited by the moment in a way he could not quite pin down, and by his own willingness to stay and engage in it at all. To involve himself in Hob’s life in a way he had not intended. 

“Until then, Hob Gadling,” he said, letting the scene dissolve around them, “this dream is over.”

[targaryensource]

RHAENYRA’S CORONATION // DAENERYS’ “CORONATION” ↳ suggested by @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly

[rouecentric]

Hello! Are requests open? Can you do more lant agriche x reader pls 😭😭😭

COLD HANDS AND A HARDENED GLARE.

synopsis ; the cruel head of the black agrece, a menacing man, truly, but he was nothing more than a loving grandfather to his grandchild.

tw/cw ; lant agrece in general, childbirth, death.

letter from the stars ; i made these into a half headcannons- half oneshot and made it platonic since you didn't specify what kind of relationship you wanted lant to have with reader, so i hope you don't mind it!!

LANT AGRECE, a man who's said to not care about anything but himself, a man who's the head of the black agrece, a monster in many people's eyes, but to you? he was just a peculiar and strange grandfather.

the duke thought he wouldn't care about his family, simply using them to his benefits and wants, until his eldest son, dion, had a child with his now-dead wife, with the child thankfully ending up healthy.

but, just for the sake of it and to keep his son in check, he had come unannounced to his grandchild's nursery to see what all the fuss is about when it came to the newborn, as he heard that the newborn was oddly calm, rarely crying or making noise, instead just either staying quiet or sleeping. once he had arrived at the nursery, he ushered the maids and nanny out, wanting to be alone with the child for until he left.

after his meeting with the newborn, it's been said and known that the head of the black agrece would then on often visit his grandchild, usually having a gift for them.

that revelation somewhat shook the other agrece members, but mostly dion, jeremy, and roxana. what did the newborn do to make the head like them so much? they'll unfortunately never get to find out, though.

once the new addition of the family turned old enough, they'd soon enough constantly find themselves stay beside their grandfather's side during meetings, going as far as to join the banquets he went to with their father, aunt, and uncle.

everywhere the head of the black agrece went you would too, it was almost if he gained a shadow that mimicked everything he did. it was almost terrifying to think that the young child could resemble the head that much, even though only in behavior.

it's not unknown that he favored you more than his children, teaching you everything he knew from a young age, as a way for you to both bond and to raise you as a possibly fitting future head if dion ever dies prematurely.

[all-of-her-light]

Aqua, Guilt, and Gorou

Let's set the stage. It's Chapter 50, in the middle of rehearsal for Tokyo Blade, and Aqua is trying to learn emotional acting from Kana. She tells him that in order to portray a moment of joy from his character, he should remember times when he himself was happy.

And so Aqua begins collecting his happy memories. (Perhaps meaningfully, all of the ones we see him recalling are from the past few in-universe months.) It's enough to put a smile on his face, and even make him blush a little as he looks back at Kana. But then –

An apparition of Gorou in Aqua's mind berates him for enjoying himself when he couldn't save Ai, and Aqua begins to have a panic attack. As the next chapter opens, Aqua leaves the rehearsal session to go rest, but Ai's death and the Gorou apparition haunt his dreams:

This is the first time we directly see Aqua struggling with guilt over Ai's death. Of course, Chapters 11 and 12 show that he's strongly motivated to prevent Ai's tragedy from repeating with Ruby, and in Chapter 26 we get a hint that he feels some kind of responsibility for Ai's death:

Guilt and self-blame are conspicuously absent from Aqua's extensive monologuing about Ai's death in Chapter 10, though. I think the in-universe explanation for that would have to be something like "the idea that Ai's death was in any sense his fault is too painful for him to even consider so soon after it happened" – and maybe that was Akasaka's intent, or maybe Aqua feeling guilty just wasn't part of his plans yet. Either way, though, as of Chapter 50, Aqua's guilt is very much present and here to stay.

Notably, Chapters 50 and 51 are also the first time that the manga plays with the idea of a Hoshino twin's past life as a separate entity from their current self. (For instance, Aqua has always referred to Gorou in first person in his inner monologue, and likewise with Ruby and Sarina.) I think it's clear that Aqua is not literally being haunted by Gorou's ghost here – for one thing, Crow Girl strongly implies in Chapter 75 that Aqua's soul is Gorou's soul – but the split does make sense symbolically and psychologically for Aqua. After all, Gorou was an adult who took on the responsibility of caring for Ai and helping her achieve the family life that she wanted...

...and when that life was ripped away from her before his eyes, it's understandable that he'd feel like he ultimately failed her. But Aqua Hoshino, who was only three years old when Ai died, is someone who obviously has no business feeling guilt like that, and indeed no one holds him at all responsible for Ai's death. So Aqua's guilt manifests in his mind as Gorou, his past life standing in the way of him properly living his current one.

After Chapter 51, we next see the Gorou apparition in Chapter 55, just before Tokyo Blade's opening performance. Aqua prepares for the show by staring at a picture of Ai on his phone and recalling her death, reaching the verge of a panic attack – and summoning the apparition.

Here, Aqua reciprocates the apparition's practice of referring to him and it as separate entities. (Which makes this the first and only time as of Chapter 136 that Aqua internally refers to Gorou as a separate entity, if it counts.) Even so, though, the guilt that the apparition embodies is intermingled with the emotions that Aqua consciously experiences:

And why is Aqua practicing calling his own trauma to mind like this? So he can use it for emotional acting, of course. (Pretty messed up.) We see the fruits of this in Chapters 64 and 65, when Aqua's character has to react to the apparent death of the one for whose sake he fought, and Aqua himself is in about as much turmoil. But this encounter with the Gorou apparition – the final one of the arc – goes a bit differently from the others.

This time, Aqua refuses to separate the apparition from himself, instead recognizing it as a manifestation of his very own past trauma. Correspondingly, the apparition's form as Gorou – an identity that Aqua has left behind – dissipates to reveal Aqua as he was in the immediate aftermath of Ai's death. Aqua still maintains some conscious distance from those feelings, represented by his current self existing separately in the scene and handling the narration – which makes sense, since he's trying to control the feelings for acting purposes. But they're nonetheless his feelings, and he takes advantage of that to fuel his acting.

Also notable are the apparition's own words here, which frame Aqua's revenge as an obligation that he has no right to be happy before fulfilling – presumably because of his failure to save Ai. Aqua's revenge quest, it seems, is motivated in large part by his guilt; making himself miserable living only for revenge is an attempt at penance, and all of the blood and suffering that he intends to extract from Ai's murderer is an attempt to repay Ai for everything he let her lose.

And then Chapter 68 happens. One of Aqua's DNA tests has revealed that he and Taiki Himekawa share the same father. Taiki's father is Seijuurou Uehara, who is dead. Which means Aqua's father is dead, and avenging Ai is no longer possible. Right?

That's certainly what Aqua chooses to believe. Because if avenging Ai is no longer possible, then it's no longer obligatory, and Aqua doesn't have to make himself miserable anymore. He's finally free to do the things that make him happy without being crippled by guilt about how he should be obsessing over revenge instead.

Also, since Aqua is no longer bound to penance for Gorou's failure to protect Ai, thoughts of Gorou's life don't demand nearly as much space in his mind now. There's really only one loose end from his past life left to tie up:

Of course, the corpse that Aqua wants to find is Gorou's. He stops looking for it once Akane points out that the "pet's corpse" is probably either buried or scattered – but when she stumbles on it later anyway, he's very grateful to her:

By the way, it seems like Aqua means it when he says he always wanted Gorou's corpse to be found. This monologue of his echoes one in Chapter 7 of all places:

And as it happens, on the very next page, we see Aqua ask Ruby about her past life – a conversation which swiftly ends as follows:

In general, it seems like Gorou wasn't a very happy or fulfilled person, so it's not surprising that even aside from carried-over guilt, Aqua is motivated to forget about his past life in favor of his new one as a young person full of potential. I'm inclined to see his desire for Gorou's corpse to be found as at least partially a desire to symbolically say goodbye to Gorou; to see Gorou confirmed to the world as dead and laid properly to rest.

Speaking of carried-over guilt, Chapter 75 reveals that Gorou was at least implicitly made to feel guilty by his maternal grandparents over his mother's death from giving birth to him. And then in Chapter 78, when Aqua is talking to Akane, he blames himself for her having seen Gorou's corpse even though she ended up finding it by chance. He even claims that he tried to manipulate her into finding it for him when Chapter 75 pretty clearly shows him giving up on it being found. Akane comments a couple times in Chapter 78 that this behavior is typical for him:

So it seems like the Takachiho arc is intentionally establishing "feels guilty and responsible for things that aren't really his fault" as a general character trait of Gorou/Aqua, stemming originally from how Gorou's grandparents made him feel about his mother's death. (Chapter 122 takes this trait significantly further by portraying Gorou/Aqua as so guilty about being unable to save Sarina that, despite suspecting Ruby was Sarina, he spent his whole life as Aqua in denial of it. Please forgive me if I smell a retcon.)

Let's continue with the story now. Aqua spends about a year in-universe believing that Ai's killer is dead – but then in Chapter 95, Ichigo points out to him that Seijuurou Uehara died before Ai moved to the apartment where she was killed, and the DNA test doesn't eliminate the possibility that Uehara isn't Taiki's biological father. Aqua begins spiraling, and we see the Gorou apparition confront him for the first time since Chapter 65. Alongside it is a separate apparition taking the form of young Aqua; it seems to embody sadistic hatred for Ai's killer while Gorou embodies Aqua's guilt.

I think the logic behind the two distinct apparitions is this: the reason why these feelings manifest as apparitions separate from Aqua in the first place is that they're egodystonic feelings that he doesn't want to feel, and as of late he's been trying to avoid feeling both his guilt over Ai's death (Gorou) and his hatred for her killer (young Aqua) for the sake of leading a normal happy life.

Aqua now consciously believes that he cannot pursue revenge and be happy at the same time, but he struggles with which one to choose. He comes to Akane for advice in Chapter 97, probably hoping that she'll tell him to forget about revenge – but instead, she tries to deal with the culprit herself behind his back. He catches her, though, and reveals that he's made his decision:

And when he says he's going to hell, he may not be exaggerating. His renewed pursuit of revenge is much more directly self-destructive than before; he deliberately pushes away Akane and later Ruby as well, consciously intending to die or at least ruin his life in the course of revenge, and not wanting his loved ones to suffer when it happens.

(For what it's worth, this is not the first time we see Aqua consider dying. There's also an instance in Chapter 10, though that one is framed more as Aqua just feeling completely lost in life without Ai.)

Aqua's renewed revenge is also somewhat more consciously sadistic than before, I think; despite knowing the culprit's identity, he puts off killing him for the sole purpose of executing a plan to make him suffer as much as possible (see Chapters 99 and 108). Granted, that plan was one he came up with when he was little (Chapter 108), and wanting the culprit to suffer was always part of his conscious motivation (Chapter 13), but just as often he'd state his goal as simply killing him (e.g. Chapters 10 and 52). Black-starred Aqua, however, displays a level of intent to make the culprit suffer while alive that was previously only the territory of the apparitions from his mind's dark corners.

Speaking of the apparitions, all of black-starred Aqua's talk about going to hell and making Ai's killer suffer and "I've thrown away the naive thought about being happy" (Chapter 108) seems like it should be right up their alley, but after Chapter 95 (and as of Chapter 136), they're nowhere to be seen. I think this is because Aqua's guilt and hatred essentially won the battle for his ego that occurred in Chapters 95-98; they now manifest directly in his thoughts and behavior instead of as apparitions. Black-starred Aqua consciously believes that both he and the culprit deserve nothing but suffering for their roles in Ai's death. It's Aqua's desire to move forward that's marginalized in his mind now.

Perhaps relevantly, in the panel after Ruby bids Aqua farewell in Chapter 106, Aqua himself appears as a black silhouette – just like the Gorou apparition in several places in the Tokyo Blade arc. And then in Chapter 122, when Aqua has discovered Ruby's past identity and is trying to convince her to stop worrying about revenge, this exchange happens:

It's possible that Aqua here is mentally "being Gorou" or speaking as him only as a reaction to this specific situation – but given everything else we've talked about here, I can't help but suspect that this reflects a stable feature of black-starred Aqua's self-concept. Black-starred Aqua thinks of himself as Gorou, the man who failed Ai. "Aqua Hoshino" is just a mask that he's been wearing – once to hide from his responsibility, and now to fulfill it through his revenge plan. He doesn't deserve to sincerely call himself by the name that tempts him with a chance at a happy life.

@aihoshiino points out that Aqua has been acting somewhat awkward around Ruby since the mutual past-life reveal (e.g. in their talk in Chapter 132), and theorizes that part of the reason for this is that Ruby is now seeing Aqua as Gorou, but Aqua doesn't want to be Gorou. Given what I've been theorizing here, though, I think Aqua's discomfort is more precisely because Ruby is seeing him as Gorou and loving him for it. From Ruby's perspective, Gorou is wonderful and it's wonderful that she's been reunited with him. But from Aqua's perspective, Gorou let Ai die. Gorou is a failure. Gorou doesn't deserve Ruby's love. (He doesn't want her love in a romantic sense anyway, I think, but he feels he doesn't deserve any kind of love from her.) And he feels especially bad because he's letting her love him regardless for the sake of the movie revenge plan, which eventually involves his destruction. He's using her for a purpose that she'd never agree to and that will leave her heartbroken if it succeeds – even if he believes that what she loves is a lie.

[ravenquingvax]

Thinking about family and about how it shapes you.

Thinking about friends and their connections.

Thinking about Vox Machina, the dysfunctional family that it was, and thinking about each members' individual families.

So here, take these family trees that are half-canon half-fanon.

And some of my notes:

I headcanon that Syldor has a sister who he mistreated growing up, that he also used her to separate the twins at times by sending Vex to stay with his sister every once in a while

I headcanon that Elaina's surname is Heatherwood, her father being Tal'dorein while her mother is of half Wildemountian and half Marquesian descent

I headcanon that Vex's legal name after marrying Percy is Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo Elaina Heatherwood to honour her late mother, but she goes by just Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo in professional settings

I headcanon that members of the Ashari tribes typically don't have surnames - however, Keyleth would have taken Vax's surname, Heatherwood, had she been given the opportunity

I headcanon that Julius was actually moved out and married with children when the Briarwoods massacred the de Rolo family, that he and his family had been visiting Whitestone for Percy's birthday when the massacre occurred

I headcanon that Vesper was a lesbian and that she was courting a noblewoman from Marquet - her girlfriend never learned what happened to her, she only received a fake letter calling their relationship off after the de Rolo massacre had already happened

I headcanon that, sometime post campaign one, Kaylie and Cassandra got together and eventually got married

I headcanon that Vax'ildan de Rolo goes by Danny for the most part because he feels unworthy of his uncle's name - Vax would disagree

I headcanon that while Wilhand'ildan Trickfoot understands and respects his wild ass name, he goes by Wildan for shortness

I headcanon that Juniper and Wildan had decided to have different surnames so both of their parents felt recognised after Scanlan and Pike got divorced

I headcanon that Grog's mother didn't survive childbirth, being human, but that Grog probably wasn't told about this information

[endlessly-cursed]

HL- Nesta Ymir

"𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙩."

Name: Nesta Aylen Ymir

Nicknames: Nes, Nessie

Birthdate: 23rd of February, 1883

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Personality Type (MBTI): NA

Blood Status: Half-blood

Nationality: Norwegian

Physical Appearance

Hair: Auburn

Eyes: Blue

Height: 1.62m

Weight: 63kg

Body Type: Slim

Skin Tone: Fair

Distinguishing Marks (scars, birthmarks, etc.): None

Background

Hometown

Nesta grew up in the extremely sheltered Ymir family, where her onñy education was at Hogwarts, and grew up in Ymir values, until her fifth year when she started questioning said values

Family

Mother: Holofira Ymir, neé Castamere

While her beauty was striking, it was her deep loyalty and her wisdom what drew in Nesta's father, who died young after the twins were born defending the cabin from unwanted intruders. In a show of misguided true love, Holofira continued the milenary Ymir tradition of protecting the legacy.

Sister: Melinoe Sigrid Ymir

Fierce and a Norse through and through, she, unlike her sister, never bought into the Ymir values and always looked for a route to escape their mother and flee with her sister, but it all went downhill when her sister got pregnant.

Daughter: Ephyra Lionette ( @kathrynalicemc )

Her first and only child, she was given away to the Lionette family after the father mysteriously disappeared and was raised as a Lionette

Hogwarts

House: Hufflepuff

Best Class: Herbology

Worst Class: Divination

Boggart: Her father's assassin looming over her

Riddikulus: He instead starts Irish tap dancing

Patronus: NA

Patronus Memory: Playing tag with Meli

Mirror of Erised: Raising a family in her own terms

Amortentia (what she smells like): Snow, rain, hot cocoa and the sea

Amortentia (what she smells): Something related to her love

Career

Nesta never has the chance to build a career for herself

Personality & Attitude

Priorities: Her family, her freedom, her child's safety

Strengths: Caring, hardworking, strong, intelligent and resourceful

Weaknesses: Has little regard for her life, self-sacrificing, stubborn and shy to a default

Stressed: With her mother's rigid rules

Calm/Comforted: Talking and laughing with Meli

Favorites

Colors: Orange, gold, red and white

Weather: Thunderstorm

Hobbies: Needlework, reading, bird-watching and herbology

Fashion: Nesta dresses the family's colours

Relationships

Significant Other/Love Interest: Elon Abu

Five years older than Nesta, they met when she had just turned 21 and he was 26, and clicked instantly, being soulmates, and lived a whirlwind romance, marrying in Gretna Green and soon expecting a child together.

Unfortunately, there was a prophecy that the birth of the next Ymir would bring doom to Nesta's branch and whoever joined it. It became true when their daughter Effy was born.

Nesta had a very difficult pregnancy, with heavy pains and was always bedridden, and her mother's berating was not helping. She went into labour for three and a half days, losing most of her blood. She died of childbed fever and didn't get to meet her daughter. The only thing for Elon was to name his daughter, for he felt something terrible watching over him. He went to face it, and was never seen again.

Melinoe, in an effort to save the baby's life, went to their old friends, the Lionettes, and left a note explaining what had happened and begging them to keep baby Effy away from them until it was time to know the truth.

Friends: None (open!)

Rivals: None (open!)

Trivia

She wanted to be a healer and be the one to open the gate, but her mother always refused

Despite being offered to abort the baby due to the prophecy, she declined, wanting to make her dream come true

She wanted to write a letter to Effy, but was so weak and in so much pain, it never got out of her throat

She loved to make potions and curating salves for the sick animals

After her death, her mother persisted for seven years until she gave out due to heart failures

Melinoe fled, travelling and studying prophecies until she showed up at an adult Effy's doorstep, wanting to tell her herself her mother's story

[gambol-stuffs]

Another one

Mother of Fawnlilac, who we saw in this post!

[baelonthebrave]

How could you made Sena that pathetic? Like I thought after you said you want to have non violent ending to dance, I was sure you will write a lot of good fucks and children popping like Alysanne but why you decided to make Sena so weak? Like, to me, you had dilemma whether you want to pull Aemma/Laena fate with her or to make her survive by some kind of miracle. You have done so great job at making her strong, only to write her as unable to make Aemond's dream of big family came true. WTF?

brooo this is the most sexist ask I have had in a long time. women who can’t have lots of children are weak? disgusting take. desperately hope you don’t have any women in your life who cannot conceive or have had difficult births if that is your attitude.

begging you to do a google search on medical history, women’s history, ANYTHING that will teach you how dangerous childbirth was before modern medicine, germ theory, epidurals, blood transfusions, caesarians, etc. it is still sadly a major cause of death in developing nations and why pregnancy is such a high risk, closely monitored health state.

in the books, targs die in childbirth even more often than other women. a lot of fans theorise it’s to do with whatever magic it is that makes them dragonriders and leaves their stillborn children malformed with dragon characteristics, or even just the inbreeding.

not that I think this ask deserves a serious answer, bc good lord that is one of the most offensive things I have read in a long time, but the idea was to not give too neat and happy of an ending, bc such a thing never happens in real life or in asoiaf. “Life is not a song”. And also just to show a deep and enduring love between two people with virtues and flaws, who don’t get their idyllic big family but are content with what they DO get regardless. I also often see a troubling association in fiction between women who are either physically weak or emotionally closed off being unable to bear children, as though not being able to have children is evidence of weakness or lacking in nurturing qualities/femininity. so I wanted to write a woman who is both strong and nurturing but just so happens to not be able to safely bear children. also just to show aemond as a rare man in this world who values his wife’s LIFE above his own legacy. the books are littered with men who all but kill their wives in the pursuit of heirs. in a way, that’s what starts the entire story of the dance when aemma dies.

so yeh. that’s a really vile opinion to go and drop in someone’s inbox. I just hope you’re very young, don’t really understand what you’re saying, and you’ll take this opportunity to go and educate yourself.

I can’t tell if this is the same person who dropped that rude ass ask in my inbox a few days ago (I think it is) but I had to answer this because it’s just straight up offensive and I really hope you can see why. I won’t be answering anymore of these though, so don’t bother!

[graveyardcuddles]

HotD really fucked up a lot of things so this is going to sound like a relatively minor complaint but it does tie in with a lot of the larger overarching issues with the adaptation and that's how it handled Laena's death. I've seen several thinkpieces about how Laena's death in the show was more "empowering" than her death in the books because she "chose a dragonrider's death" instead of just dying after rising from her birthing bed to try to ride Vhagar one last time. People really boil it down to "it's so empowering that she went out on her own terms!"

Did she, though? Because Laena tells us exactly what she wants that same episode: she wants to go back to Westeros. She wants to give birth to her child at Driftmark, where she was born. She wants to be surrounded by her family again. And the sad thing is in the books she WAS. Daemon DID bring her back home with Baela and Rhaena. She DID get to be with her family in her final years. Her and Rhaenyra WOULD go dragonriding together. It was Laena and Rhaenyra who betrothed their children to one another BECAUSE they were such close, good friends. Laena would have been at Driftmark when she gave birth, surrounded and comforted by her family. Yes, it's still tragic that she and her son died. It's still an example of the ever-present dangers of pregnancy and childbirth that afabs in the series (and in real life, of course) face. But she died surrounded by her loved ones. And she died fighting to live, to ride one more time. And that in and of itself is beautiful and strong and empowering. Show defenders will argue that she's taking agency over her own death; but where was Laena's agency in life? Where are all the scenes of her that you chose to cut, hbo? Like her CLAMING VHAGAR? Changing the circumstances of her death where she is isolated in Pentos, away from her homeland and family, in despair and agony being burned alive doesn't make her feel like an empowered character. It would have been far more compelling to have a few solid scenes of Laena living her best life as a dragonriding lady with Rhaenyra before her death on Driftmark.

And you know, I think all ties back to how the showrunners are obsessed with every woman in the story suffering and having zero agency to change their circumstances (even if they're the QUEEN) and all evil bad nasty manipulative males who have all the power and are always making their lives a living hell. Considering how fucking heavy the following seasons are going to be it would have been a little nice to see the characters actually experience some happiness and joy before the war breaks out. Some genuine tenderness and love between these characters so that we give a shit when they die? Nope sorry, no time for that. No bonding over dragonriding. No friendship between Rhaenyra and Laena. No doting on each other's kids. No Daemon being present and involved with his own family. Nope just Rhaenyra/Laenor in their unhappy marriage and Daemon/Laena in their unhappy marriage. And Alisaint judging everybody. How fun!

[externalconceit-1]

♿ : Has your muse had any injuries in the past?

RANDOM HEADCANON MEME - @the-rorschach-mask - ACCEPTING

[So many. The thing about Externals is that they're effectively immortal. As it is, Shar can manipulate the molecular structure of her body to some degree, so healing comes more easily for her than most of the other Externals in "real time" combat. An External can be killed, but they only stay permanently dead if one External kills all the other Externals and eats their hearts/or drains their life essence.

They can return from death quickly, or it can take decades, etc. Which is where it comes in that Shar has died repeatedly. My initial plan was that the other Externals killed her over and over again, but I found out that was a big "no!" rule among them, even if it has happened a few times. So, I'll need to figure out a reason she's constantly recovering that fits with canon. But in the meantime, examples of injuries/trauma that actually killed her body are:

Childbirth (first death) Burned at the stake Guillotined with Burke during the French Revolution Killed as a victim of strategic bombing in WWI by German forces Died of the Legacy Virus (?) Killed by Selene when her essence was consumed (if this conflicts with the Legacy Virus death, I'm going with Selene killing her)

Sword to the heart? Potentially killed by Gideon in the same attempt to take out the other Externals that killed Candra and Burke.

Note: If not Gideon, Burke was her killer. He did so to temporarily get her out of the way/protect her from the shit that went down in the comics, hiding her body away. (That storyline was playing with permanent death.) Either way, she died at some point during that mess.

I would be very surprised if Apocalypse hadn't killed her a few times.

[random-thought-depository]

Thinking this morning about the deep and unexpected love I developed for Sil the first time I watched Species, she is very blorbo to me. Some of my headcanons about her:

- Her very rapid learning is aided by low-key telepathic abilities (we know those exist in the Species universe! One of the human characters has approximately the same abilities as Deanna Troi on Star Trek!). She can tune into surface thoughts a little, enough to do things like watch somebody use a credit card and pull from their mind a rough picture of how buying and selling, money, and credit cards work, and also their PIN. She's also an empath the same way that guy in the team trying to track her down is. She can't look through people's minds in classic sci fi fashion though, she can only read emotions and inconsistently read surface thoughts and she has little control over it, so she has enormous gaps in her knowledge. One potential fridge horror implication is she knew they were planning to kill her at the beginning of the movie.

- She broke her hand when she punched her way out of her enclosure at the beginning of the movie; it healed almost immediately, but she is in considerable pain in those scenes, she was just ignoring it because she was terrified and very focused on survival and escape.

- As sometimes happens with precocious children, she was functionally socially and emotionally neglected because her caregivers didn't realize how quickly her mind was developing and so didn't provide developmentally appropriate socialization and enrichment. She's basically semi-feral. For instance, she was never really socialized to have a sense of morality or to be pro-social at a level beyond things like "shit in the toilet instead of on the floor." This is 100% the reason she became the kind of person who thought ripping out somebody's spine was an appropriate reaction to sexual jealousy.

- Continuing from that last point: she isn't inherently violent, she kills people because she has the social skills and emotional regulation skills of an emotionally neglected toddler combined superstrength and the intelligence and appetites of an adult woman. Also, her actions are informed by a lived experience that humans are extremely violent to her; her caretakers try to kill her at the beginning of the movie, she spends the rest of the movie being hunted, and the first person she approaches as a potential sexual partner tries to rape her! If she'd had a less messed-up upbringing she'd have been a much better person, and I think if she'd won at the end of the movie (if her attempt to make the government think she was dead had worked, or if she'd been able to escape from or kill her pursuers in that cave and she and her son survived) she might eventually have become a much better person.

- Smells are much more prominent in her perceptual world; she experiences a complex landscape of scents, a person's scent is distinctive to her in the same way their face is, etc.. I base this on her being able to smell that someone's diabetic in the movie.

- She does have an instinct to survive and reproduce, but mostly she wanted a child in the same way Frankenstein's monster wanted a wife: an offspring would be another of her kind, and somebody who'd love her by default; an offspring would mean an end to loneliness. Related: if she'd won at the end of the movie, I don't think she'd have been a good mother, but she would have been a very loving mother; she'd have deeply and passionately loved her son. Watching her son get torched was probably the worst moment of her life.

- That thing where she basically kidnapped, tortured, and murdered a woman as part of the process of faking her own death was a very "I'm experiencing empathy and I don't like it" situation for her. She had no idea how painful and traumatizing having a thumb amputated with garden shears would be for a human (hers grew back!). She doesn't really have an idea of morality, but she does have affective empathy, so internally she was like "Wow, I didn't think it'd be that bad for you. Not sorry, but I'm experiencing empathy and I don't like it." I think the idea of being bound and mutilated and fearing what might happen next would also remind her of when people tried to kill her with poison gas while she was locked in a box, so that would be another "I'm experiencing empathy and I don't like it" aspect.

-----------

Some thoughts on an AU where Sil won at the end of the movie:

Note: I am emphatically rejecting the sequel films, especially the second movie, which was just awful; for purposes of this exercise the sequels didn't happen and I will freely contradict their narrative and worldbuilding choices (such as the second movie's decision to answer "what would a male version of Sil be like?" with "he'd be a rape werewolf and his kids would be basically chestbursters, we'll be ripping off Alien but making the sexual subtext just text and straightwashing it and slathering an incredibly rancid sex-negative but horny vibe over it").

I doubt Sil want to give birth to endless offspring. For one thing, she almost got killed and had some pretty awful experiences during the first attempt. Also, I bet that fifteen minute pregnancy was a really unpleasant experience she wouldn't be in any hurry to repeat. Like, I think that would have to be a pretty physiologically extreme event. She'd probably have had to, like, firehose protein and calcium and fats and sugars at the fetus by literally liquifying a double digit percentage of her own body and process and expel a proportionately obscene amount of metabolic waste dumped into her bloodstream all while being in danger of being literally cooked alive from the inside by all the metabolic waste heat. I bet it hurt and she wouldn't be in any hurry to do it again.

I think Sil would get a lot less aggressive when the stressors of being hunted and trying to find a sperm donor were removed. I guess she'd sometimes mug people for money, but she's inexperienced but smart, I think she'd sooner or later catch on that leaving them alive and uninjured attracts a lot less attention than ripping out their spines or skullfucking them to death with that tongue-thing. So I think sooner or later, very possibly immediately, she'd stop killing people and become a relatively inoffensive drifter and petty criminal, and eventually enter the labor market on approximately the same level as undocumented immigrants (she and her son would be in a very similar position, having no ID or social security numbers and being essentially legally unpersons).

Like I said, I don't think she'd be a good mother, because she has poor social skills and no sense of morality, but I think she'd be a very loving mother; she'd deeply and passionately love her son and be very caring and indulgent. On the not good side, I think she'd be a combination of neglectful-permissive (loving but poor social skills) and sometimes physically abusive (violence is one of the not many tools she has for conflict resolution). I think she'd probably give her son a better childhood and rearing than she got, because at least he'd have an actual parent and people wouldn't be trying to kill them, though it'd probably still be kind of messed up and awful by human standards.

When her son cocooned for metamorphosis she'd remember how she was scared when it happened to her because she didn't know what was happening, so she'd explain the process to him beforehand, and when it happened she'd stay in the room with him and reassure him, and she'd be waiting to help him out of the cocoon and clean him up when his metamorphosis was finished. I... have feels about this idea.

I think she and her son would stay very close when he was an adult, at least for the immediately foreseeable future. Given her experiences with humans so far I doubt she'd get close to any of them any time soon, so that leaves her son as basically her only friend, and their shared difference from the people around them would encourage a close bond between them.

I think Sil could become a better person over time, like human morality might eventually rub off on her and stuff. I think her relationship to her son (and possibly other kids she ends up having) might be good for her here; a positive relationship would encourage her to develop social skills and emotional regulation and would encourage her to get in the habit of, like, caring about other people. Her son would probably be less traumatized than her and therefore have less of a default assumption that humans are hostile, and that might rub off on her.

The squicky side of that: Sil and her adult son would be very close to each other and distant from everyone else, they're probably human-like enough to want sex as a social and recreational activity, Sil has not been socialized to human sexual taboos, if he takes after his mom in looks they're probably both hot... Yeah, I think they'd have sex with each other. Not for reproduction (at least not primarily), but for bonding and pleasure.

If Sil does end up having a lot of kids, I think it would be out of desire for community. Like, with her potentially very fast rate of reproduction I could see her eventually ending up the matriarch of a village-sized clan of her own kind, and I think, as someone who was probably lonely early in life, she might like that. I think my take on what that community would be like would probably be that they'd have a sex-asymmetric semi-eusocial thing going where males mostly don't reproduce because bringing a new member into the community through females is "find a human sperm donor, an excuse to leave in five minutes, and a discreet place to give birth" but options for bringing a new member into the community through males is "form a real partnership with a human woman, you better be able to trust her because when she gives birth four months after getting pregnant and her kid is talking in complete sentences at one month old she is going to notice something not normal is happening" or "do horrific kidnap basement sex slavery shit" (the latter is really not a place I'd want to go, and in-universe would be stupid for a probably not resource-rich community trying to blend in and keep a low profile, in the same way leaving a trail of corpses is stupid). A kind of semi-eusocial thing fits with the insectoid aesthetic of stuff like the cocooning.

I remember reading somewhere that there are some species were hybrids discard the DNA of one parent during meiosis. I like the idea of Sil being like that (so, e.g., if her son reproduced, he would only pass on Sil's DNA, not the DNA of his human father), so she theoretically could found a viable population that could remain biologically distinct from humans indefinitely. Seems kind of charitable to the movie's assumption that she's a potential threat to the human species as a whole, and more interesting if her kind could eventually become something kind of like an ethnic minority.

I wonder how long Sil would live? She has very accelerated development, so she might have a short lifespan; cancer would probably be a huge problem for an organism with a growth rate as fast as Sil's. On the other hand, I kind of like the idea that the alien message was not intended as a hostile act, they basically just sent us a transhumanism update and intended it as a favor, in which case she'd probably have a long lifespan (maybe longer than ours).

Man, "it's like twenty or fifty years later and Sil's descendants have formed a weird close-knit secret subculture within southern California's underclass" sounds like a way more interesting sequel idea than the stuff we actually got, and given that the original movies were made and presumably set in the '90s you could actually set a sequel like that in the present day. I've got some ideas for a Species II rewrite fic based on the thought that maybe Sil actually had twins and one of survived by hiding from the humans, maybe I could do the "secret society of Sil's descendants existing in the 2020s" idea as a sequel to that/a Species III rewrite fic.

[doyouknowhowtowaltz]

Can I have your opinion on a small headconon I had for the beast for a while?

For the longest time I had a thought that Lorna’s mother/birth parents where made into elder oil and burned in the lantern. I also like the idea that everyone that burns in the lantern Is kinda part of the beast/he can hear them and they can have a small influence on him if he allows it. So the thought that Lorna’s mother is kinda looking through the beasts eyes and watching Lorna’s grow and the beast actually kinda listens to her voice when it comes to Lorna. Personally I like the idea for a scene where Lorna laments to the beast that she never knew her birth parents and that she was curious about her mother and the beast is able to give her the opportunity to communicate with her to some small degree or at least tell her things about her because he has access to the memory’s of everyone in the lantern, including her mother/parents.

This is sweet!

I've added a break, because it occurs to me that I've veered into disturbing territory.

I would assume Lorna's mother died shortly after giving birth, which lends itself to an interesting idea of the Beast playing midwife to a dying witch, her reasoning that he'll take her regardless, but if the child is born perhaps one day they can grow into something he can plant.

It would have to be a desperate time for the Beast to consume Lorna's mother's tree during Lorna's life time, I figure he usually prefers to leave trees to ferment, but it could be he only helped deliver the child because he was entering a stretch of lean years and can't afford any degree of wastefulness.

It's interesting to think of the remains of people who join the Beast's... ahem congregation as whole people. While I usually think of them as being somewhat conscious, I've always thought of them as unwhole things, reduced into shells of themselves, hungry, scared, hopeless, screaming, perhaps they recognize faintly and react to things that tied them strongly. Their strength in reaching him, swaying him, only comes from the fact that they scream together, like a flock, a legion, they loose their individualism. The idea of the Beast being able to reach into their past's with perfect clarity is... chilling in the implications it has for his hunting.

I would be fascinated to know how you think the Beast's relationship with Lorna is colored. Is it the echoes of her parentage that draws him protectively around her? Or is it their shared hunger, and he only dredges up her mother's soul from the depths of himself because he's already grown fond of young Lorna.

Either way it's a very cute idea, and it's a delightful way to show what a soft spot the Beast has for Lorna, the idea of him trying to fill the maternal role that he's also (partially) responsible for ripping away.

[inmydrcams]

sometimes I think about l.aena’s death and the whole breech baby situation and like… theoretically you’d have to know more about how to deliver a breech baby at a time when there is no c-section unless it’s a last resource and… if you don’t care if the baby lives or not (which l.aena clearly didn’t) then is it really that hard to just get it out?

[roseguided]

@1llunis gets a SEMI-PLOTTED starter ! ft alys rivers & aemond targaryen

𝐈𝐓’𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 the last nine months—the moment that always prods her trauma surrounding childbirth. two babies had come out of her body not living while the other died shortly after she was born swaddled in a loving , crying mothers arms. despite not being able to see those babies live , feeling their loss , alys had loved them all the same & with as much intensity as she would her son. ( labor had come unexpectedly. the result of her water breaking with the impending stress of aemond deciding to fight , to the death , with his uncle. this pit formed in her stomach , the steady build of emotion , & then when alys didn’t need it to happen . . it did. ) ; with only one midwife to aid her in the birth , which only a few hours , alys pushed herself as far as she could until the child was placed , bloody & screaming , into her waiting arms. to think she prayed to any god they would hear her: please , let him live. let this one live & i’ll do everything i can for him. the door to their chambers opens suddenly , head raising & eyes widen when they settle on aemond. the baby in her arms has calmed , tiny hand holding onto her finger. ❛ aemond . . ❜ spoken with a mixture of relief & surprise. ❛ he’s breathing— ❜ it was the first thing that came to mind. ❛ our son’s breathing , well they told me. you should’ve heard him cry ! he- . . ❜ tears well in her eyes.

[khrused-archived]

𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽 :   𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙰'𝚂 𝙱𝙸𝚁𝚃𝙷𝙳𝙰𝚈 

NOV. 10TH, 1993.   born in nafplio, greece. 

hera has had very few happy birthdays, most from her childhood before the death of her mother. after her mother passed, hera’s birthday became unimportant as she now had her infant sister, eleni, to take care of and she was determined for eleni to live to see more than her first birthday... however, fate would prove otherwise, and hera lost her sister eleni along with any joy for birthdays... 

as she grew older, hera refused to celebrate her birthday, nor did she have anyone to celebrate her. hera often saw her birthday as a reminder of how painful her life has been. after meeting alex, however, this briefly changed, but only for her 18th birthday. alex made sure to shower hera in gifts and affection, making her believe a birthday was a good thing and she finally had someone to celebrate and love her. but this was a lure, the final latch to his cage. and birthdays were just another day locked away in hell. 

finally, bailey is born and birthdays hold meaning again. finally, hera has someone to celebrate, someone to love. hera goes all out for bailey’s birthday, showering her child in all the best gifts, big birthday parties, and the best ice cream cakes. everything she could have ever wished for, now given to her. but still, her own birthday remains unannounced and uncelebrated. bailey is still too young to understand or even remember her mother’s birthday. still, hera thinks of her birthday as a reminder of how painful her life has been. and so she prefers not to think of it. it’s just another day. she doesn’t need the reminder that nobody cares. or so she thinks...