#dazai couldn't say his last words to chuuya

[chainzzzzsaw]

help i wrote something but its so bad and makes no sense i need someone to read it and help me 💀💀💀

(its soukoku angst:3)

(also tw for suicide)

. . .

He was having a panic attack, he couldn't breathe. He felt like he was drowning in the air that was far too humid to ever be comfortable in. His head was buried between his knees as he took harsh breaths through his nose and out through his mouth. In and out. He repeated to himself silently in his head. As he began hyperventilating, he felt cold water droplets fall down on his head, soaking his hair and the nature around him.

He was sitting in the grove of a dying tree in a place where only he and Chuuya knew about. They had gone here together years ago before Dazai had left the Port Mafia. He hasn’t been here in 4 years, so why was he here now?

He heard a crunch of dead leaves down the path he had come down. His eyes filled up with his own water droplets as he heard his name being called by the one boy he truly felt something for. “Dazai..?” It sounded muffled, like he was listening through a low quality video. He wasn't actually there. He felt dissociative. He wasn't there, but he was, and this was happening. He heard his name again, “Dazai!” followed by a tap on the shoulder. He couldn’t answer. Dazai lifted his head up and stared into Chuuya’s cold azure eyes. The longer he stared, the longer he felt his eyes and heart betray himself.

His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. It had been 4 whole years since he had last seen Chuuya, 4 whole years of his love stored inside him, did Chuuya feel the same about Dazai all this time? Why was Chuuya here now?

These were the thoughts that dashed from the left side of Dazai’s brain to the right side.

The tears that had been daring to leak out of Dazai’s eyes, had already started to come out, yet he didn't realize. The water drained out of his eyes, competing in a race to the end of Dazai’s face. Chuuya pulled Dazai up off the, now wet, dirt and said something. He didn't seem to hear it though. The rain began spilling over both of their faces now, mingling with Dazai’s tears that were still flowing.

As he felt himself slowly come back to reality, he realized Chuuya’s arm was holding his wrist, right on his bandages. He looked down, and Chuuya dropped it. “Why are you here? Why right now?” Dazai said with a whine, his voice feeling shaky, which was something that never happened to Dazai. “I always come here. I always come here and I wait for the day that you come back.” Chuuya responded almost as if he was breathless.

He felt every memory he had with Chuuya come directly back to him, stabbing him in the heart relentlessly. “Huh…” It almost came out in a whisper. Did Chuuya want Dazai to come back?

“Dazai. I- I can't just pretend like I haven't been thinking about you every day since you left… I was in love with you. That isn't something that just goes away with time.” Chuuya rambled on, but Dazai just stood there. He couldn't process what Chuuya was saying when he was talking so fast, he was going over every word in his head, but he was stuck on that word he heard.

Love.

I was in love with you.

Chuuya’s words replayed in his mind like a horrible song you can't get out of your head. It flew into his ear, and then through his mind, stabbing into his heart, and back out again, over and over.

He loved Chuuya too, he just couldn't say it. The words wouldn't come out of his mouth. Like an answer you know but you just can’t remember.

“Me? Why me? I’m not good.” Dazai didn’t even know what he was saying, better yet, he didn’t even know he was talking.

“Because you're Dazai.”

Dazai’s hands slowly brought themselves to the sides of Chuuya’s face. Chuuya flinched at the touch. He hesitated to speak, he couldn’t show vulnerability, even with Chuuya. What was wrong with Dazai? Couldn’t he let go of his pride for one second and just say that he loved him back?

Chuuya’s hands now rested upon Dazai’s, which were lazily placed on his face. He didn’t know when either of them started to lean in, but they did, and their lips touched briefly. Dazai felt his tears roll down his face even as they shared a kiss. They both pulled away from each other, wide eyed, and Dazai dropped his hands.

“…Woah.” Chuuya whispered. “Um… Uh… I’m sorry.” Dazai had guilt lingering in his voice. They hadn't even talked about how they felt for each other and here they were, kissing, after not seeing each other for 4 years?!

Dazai had a gut feeling that this wouldn’t go how he wanted it to. He wanted them to be together, stuck like glue as they once were years ago. But he knew that wouldn’t happen, not after everything he’s done, not with his current mental state.

The silence was unbearable, it consumed them both. Eating all the words they wanted to say until there was nothing left at all.

Dazai is scared to love Chuuya, he knows he brings pain to all of those around him. The misfortune and pain he has following him like a cloud is not something he wishes to push onto the one person he has learned to love. He doesn’t wish to burden him with the pressure of his feelings.

“I'm sorry…”

And with that, Dazai quickly pushed past him and jogged down the path and back to his apartment. Chuuya chased after him, not knowing what else to do, but he lost him along the way. He at least knew where Dazai lived because, as one does, he did some light stalking over the years they were apart.

. . .

Dazai had finally made it home after 10 long minutes of looking behind him to see if Chuuya had followed. Spoiler, he hadn’t. Dazai didn’t know if he was happy or disappointed about that, but right now it didn't matter to him.

His thoughts progressively got worse as he unlocked the door, stepping in quickly and dragging himself to his room. He bent down to his drawer, he felt his legs burn.

His fingers rummaged through the random items he had thrown in it, obviously searching for something. He pulled out his blade, sighing deeply, and then his eyes met the bottle of Prozac laying on the corner of his dresser, quickly snatching it up.

He didnt know which to use, but if he couldn’t choose between them, why not just use both?

And so he did. Dazai grasped both the blade and the pills, preparing himself for yet another suicide attempt. It wasn’t a foreign concept to him, as he constantly planned new methods to end his life and courageously attempted them. Dazai held a desperate hope, a wish, that one day, one of his attempts would succeed, granting him freedom from the burdensome chains of existence. He knew his attempts were always futile, yet he clung to a glimmer of hope, praying that this time, just maybe, it would be different.

He picked up the bottle of prozac and held it in his left hand, the blade in his right. His thoughts were flooding his mind and battling with each other. He felt so much regret filling his heart of all the things he didn’t do with Chuuya, the things he couldn’t do.

Dazai flung the blade and the bottle of pills onto his bed before making his way to the kitchen. He retrieved a glass and filled it to the brim with tap water. Returning to his bedroom, he carelessly dropped the cup onto his dresser. With a hesitant hand, he opened the bottle of Prozac, pouring an excess of pills into his palm. He hesitated, his hand hovering near his mouth, reluctant to ingest them.

Dazai wanted to die, he always has, it's what he's known for. So why was he hesitating? Was it because of Chuuya?

Dazai liked being in control, he hated that his mind was a slave to his heart.

He tried his best to ignore his thoughts and dropped the handful of pills into his mouth and swallowed them quickly, using the water as a chaser to get them down his throat.

He was a bit more dizzy than he had been before. He picked up the blade and held it vertically on his wrist. He took a deep breath and pressed down hard into his wrist, wincing as he dragged the blade down his forearm. He repeated the same action on his other arm, blood was now dripping down onto the floor in puddles.

He sat down on the floor with his back against his bed, using the rest of the energy he had left to cut anywhere else that would contribute to a successful attempt because he knew well that there was always a way to survive any suicide attempt.

His neck?

Dazai’s neck was leaking like a waterfall, spilling all over his shirt. He felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness. His eyes felt heavy. He knew this would be the attempt that brought him to that oh so peaceful deep sleep that is death.

What Dazai didn’t know is that Chuuya was on his way right now, passing through numerous red lights just to get to him. The first thing that Chuuya would see when he came into Dazai’s room, is Dazai’s body being drained of the life that was left inside of him. That thought alone gave his heart a squeeze.

He thinks he heard banging at his front door, maybe he's just delirious. Was Dazai dissociating again? The banging got even louder and then it stopped and a louder bang came shortly after with a crash following. The door was knocked down, Ha, it’s Chuuya.

Dazai heard his name being called along with heavy footsteps, but there was nothing he could do to answer. His skin was as pale as paper and his clothes were drenched in his own blood.

Chuuya kicked into Dazai’s room and saw his body, bleeding out. Dazai felt himself smile.

“I- wh — Dazai-” He fumbled on his words. Chuuya felt like he couldn’t move, he felt stuck. He was tearing up, his eyes now cloudy. He forced his body to move and brought his hands around Dazai.

Chuuya looked into Dazai’s empty brown eyes and felt sick, his hands trembling. Their eyes locked and Dazai’s smile immediately faded and his face turned into something akin to frantic.

Dazai had just realized that maybe he didn’t want to die. At least, not now.

Something about looking into eyes that were burning with life while he was about to run out of his own did something to him. Dazai felt his body slowly slipping away with each faint breath he tried to take in. Water began piling up on his lash line once again.

His lungs were begging for air and he felt lightheaded. Dazai was going to die now. He had slit his wrists, neck, and took way more prozac than any doctor would ever recommend.

Chuuya’s hands were holding onto Dazai, he was saying something but Dazai couldn’t hear it. A black veil began clouding over his vision and Dazai knew what that meant. He wanted to open his eyes, stop dying for a second so he could tell Chuuya what he’s been wanting to say since the day they met.

The last thing he heard was muffled yelling and a phone ringing.

. . .

Dazai’s eyes finally opened, but he wasn’t with Chuuya and he wasn’t in a hospital. He had finally succeeded at something, but death was something he no longer craved.

Whenever Dazai was with Chuuya, all his thoughts of suicide seemed to float away. When Dazai was with Chuuya, he didn’t have to worry about anything. When Dazai was with Chuuya, he wanted to try living. Chuuya was the lightbulb in Dazai’s dark room.

Dazai's life had always seemed bleak in Chuuya's absence. The fleeting moments of genuine happiness he experienced were intertwined with memories of Oda and Chuuya. With Oda gone and now Dazai's own passing, those moments felt even more distant.

Dazai now found himself overwhelmed by his emotions, their intensity hitting him like crashing waves. These waves, reminiscent of water, stirred memories of the cold blue hue of Chuuya's eyes.

help idk if im done with this but idk what to add.. i just hate this but i need input from others it feels so rushed to me

[gojosbf]

someone check on satosugu and soukoku shippers

[bobattea]

i would like to request a scenario for the bsd boys' (dazai, chuuya, atsushi and aku) reactions to their fem s/o having an intense orgasm. Like moaning loudly, squirming, shutting her eyes and throwing her head back (bonus points if they kiss her neck when she does)

Pairings: Akutagawa, Atsushi, Chuuya, Dazai and Fyodor (separate) x Fem!Reader Warnings: predator/prey, language, god complex, NSFW, praise, degradation, oral (F receiving), Edging, kinda rough? Word Count: 3575 A/N: I added Fyodor to this list also. I couldn't help myself :) I'm so sorry it took so long to write this it took me 3 days to write longer than I had liked but it sure was fun to write. I hope I did your request justice!

Akutagawa -

You took off in a sprint. Depending on how this night goes, you may or may not follow Akutagawa into a secluded area again. You avoid looking behind you, which would only slow you down.

“I’ll give you a head start, but you better run fast.” You recall the warning in his words and in the firm grip that he had on your arm. “Because once I've caught you, I’m going to fuck you.” His words replayed over and over in your head as you sprinted down the path, triggering a familiar feeling between your legs that was difficult to ignore. It was a quiet night; barely anyone else was around. Typical.

The more you ran, the more out of breath you became. The excitement and thrill were the only things keeping you going. He was going to catch up for sure, and if you had as much of a single break, you’d be a sitting duck, but you don't hear anything besides yourself panting with no clue as to where you are running or what Akutagawa has in store. As if on cue, Rashōmon had gotten ahold of your leg, dragging you back a short distance as Akutagawa walked at a steady pace in the direction you ran in. His gaze is no different from that of a predator stalking its prey, sending shivers down your spine the closer he gets to you.

“Was that the best you could do? I even gave you a head start.” His expression didn’t change as he pressed your face first against the wall and had his Rashōmon hold you in place. Akutagawa didn’t push you too hard; the last thing he wanted was to hurt your pretty face, but he did so with just enough impact to send a shock of excitement through your body. The rest was a haze until you felt the cold breeze on your bare skin and shreds of your clothes hit the floor. “I told you what would happen if I caught you.” Akutagawa bit your ear gently, then kissed your neck before burying his cock inside you. His nails dug into yours as he thrust into you at an unforgiving pace, leaving you no time to adjust to him.

“Fuck! Ryuu!” You squeeze your eyes shut, and your hands are balling into fists against the wall. Akutagawa brings his head closer to your neck and bites down again with a low groan. He quickens the pace, and his thrusts become harder. “T-too much!” He doesn't listen to your words; you just egg him on.

“So fucking tight. Gonna ruin you.” He groans into your ear as he lifts one of your legs up to fuck you even deeper, the tip hitting your cervix repeatedly. The cold air didn't bother you anymore; you were far too hot as you approached your orgasm. You couldn't form words, just babbling noises as you squeezed your eyes shut again and moaned loudly, finally cumming around his cock. Akutagawa came not long after; he held you in that position while you both came down from your high, nothing but heavy breathing as you both caught your breath. “You can have my coat to walk back in.” Akutagawa rests his head on your shoulder, still panting.

“As if I had a choice." You gave a short laugh; there was no way you were walking home naked, and it was highly doubtful he would let you either.

Atsushi -

Atsushi was inexperienced, to say the least. You had to teach him all sorts of things, except tonight. Tonight you have no idea what changed, but Atsushi would not let you say anything, and if you even try to utter any words that weren’t his name and how good he makes you feel, he dives his tongue into your pussy. He holds your hips down to the bed and licks at your wet cunt as if he’d been starved,your legs shaking and threatening to clamp around his head if it weren’t for his arms forcing your legs open.

“Atsushi~” you whimpered while his tongue worked wonders on your clit, sending shocks throughout your body. His arms snake around your thighs, dragging you even closer to him to stop you from rocking your hips on his face.

“Fuckkkk, you taste so good, baby. I can’t get enough.” He almost didn’t even sound like your Atsushi; he was way too confident. Maybe that’s not the word for it right now, but your mind is a mess, only able to focus on how good Astushi’s tongue feels against you. You can’t even get a single word besides his name and a few broken sentences. Your fingers make their way into his hair as you arch your back in pleasure, only for Atsushi to stop briefly. “Hands by your side, baby,” he says, moving his way up your body to come face-to-face with you. You do as he says and put your arms by your sides, then he engulfs you in a kiss. You can taste yourself on his lips and tongue. “That’s a good girl.” You whimper at his words; this definitely was not your Atsushi, but you weren’t complaining either.

Atsushi kisses his way back down your body, starting with your neck, then down the valley of your breasts and your stomach, then he hovers over your cunt. You can feel his warm breath against your wet folds, but he avoids it all together and goes to kiss and bite at your thighs.

“Atsushi~ god please," you’re stopped halfway through your plea when Atsushi buries his face again between your legs, working his tongue in and out of your pussy. “Fuck!” you moan, arching your back again, and you grip the bed sheets tightly. Who knew he would be so skilled with his tongue? Not even you could teach him this. Somewhere through the bliss, his tongue was replaced with two of his fingers, and he sucked on your clit.You could feel yourself pushing yourself into bed, feeling the wave of pleasure as Atssushi pumps his fingers in and out of you while flicking his tongue over your clit repeatedly.

He loved hearing your breathless moans as he brought you to your release. It's all because of how good he’s making you feel all by himself, not you telling him what to do. Your reactions to him—your legs shaking, your walls clenching around his fingers, and your face flushing all because of him— You buck your hips once more, letting yourself cum all over Atsushi’s fingers with a loud moan of his name, but even after, he still slowly moves his fingers in and out.

"Where did you learn that?” You ask between breaths as you lie on the bed. Atsushi removes his fingers from your cunt and once again makes his way up to look at you face-to-face.

“I’ll tell you later, but we aren't done yet.” He looks down at you softly, his eyes still filled with desire, as you look back up at him, still recovering from your orgasm.

Chuuya -

“You look so pretty like this doll.” Chuuya stood at the foot of the bed, admiring you naked in all your glory with a red rope around your wrists and attached to the headboard with a silky blindfold over your eyes. You can feel the bed dip beside you and Chuuya learning over you, his voice next to your ear. “I wish you could see just how beautiful you look.” He kisses your temple. You hear the rustling of clothes and his belt hitting the floor. You squirm in anticipation of what Chuuya has in store for you.

Chuuya grips your legs and brings his face close to one of your thighs, his breath giving you goosebumps over your skin. He kisses your thighs gently and moves up your body. He kisses your stomach all the way to your breasts. You arch your back, feeling his lips around your nipple and his tongue running over the sensitive bud while his hand pinches and plays with the other one before he gives the same attention to the other one. “So perfect for me.” He lets go and continues his journey up, kissing your collarbones and each side of your neck until he hits your ear again. “Perfect for me to ruin.” He sits up and looks at your face. Your lip caught between your lips, the blindfold was still secure around your eyes, and there was a slight shine on your skin from the sweat due to the foreplay earlier.

You were relying on sound and touch alone to figure out what Chuuya’s next move would be, but he was so quiet, and his damn ability made it nearly impossible until he gripped your hips and positioned himself in front of your entrance. Chuuya teased your cunt with his cock before slowly pushing it inside you. You both moaned, then he started moving in and out of you at an agonizingly slow pace. He was going to take his time with you.

“God, you were made for me, doll. Fit me so perfectly.” You moaned loudly and squirmed each time his cock hit deeper inside of you, your hands holding tightly onto the rope for something to touch if you couldn't hold onto Chuuya. With your legs wrapping around Chuuya’s waist to try pushing him closer to you, he started to pound into you harder, but keeping at a slow pace, and you got louder each time his name fell from your lips. The ropes were giving off a burning sensation around your wrists. Each harsh thrust Chuuya gave you—a mixture of pain and pleasure—had you hissing and moaning at the same time.

“More Chuuya, please.” You beg; you wish you could see Chuuya, your imagination doing nothing for you, wanting to see Chuuya fall apart while he watches you fall apart too. Chuuya smiled smugly; he could feel you tighten around him. Your hips were lifted off the bed as he started to quicken the pace, slamming into you roughly.

“I feel you, darlin'; you're so close.” Chuuya was meant to take his time with you, but your pussycat was just too good not to lose control. His slow, sensual plan for the night definitely took a turn into more raw and rough passion. “Squeezin’ me so tight, baby.” Chuuya tosses his head back; he was not far behind.

“Chuuya! I'm going to cum!” You shouted in pure bliss; he was hitting all the right spots; he knew your pussy so well.

“Not far behind you, doll.” The two of you chased your highs, your moans joining in unison as you both cum together. "Fuck, baby, I really have no control when it comes to you.” Chuuya leans down and kisses your forehead.

Dazai -

 'That sweet talking son of a bitch.’ You huff to yourself as you take your seat at your desk. His stupid idea was completely impractical, let alone utterly humiliating, and still you agreed. Dazai and his silver tongue—you could completely ruin his fun and just take it out now, and he would be none the wiser? Or maybe he knows you’ll do that? It's hard to outsmart Dazai. He knows you too well and speaks of the devil. He smiles warmly at you as he takes his seat across Kunikida and Atsushi. You watch as they all engage in conversation, waiting for Dazai to do something. How can he possibly think you’ll get any work done if you are on edge the whole day? Maybe that's his plan? To do nothing and keep you in a constant state of excitement and nervousness.

Then you see it. Dazai reaches for his pocket, and you can see the small black remote he hides under the table out of sight of Kunikida and Atsushi. You stare intently at the small black box in his hands. Your body tenses, waiting for the vibrations to start, but it doesn't happen. You can see the small, subtle smirk on his face as he listens to Atsushi. ‘Bastard’. He’s just playing with the remote in his hand, his thumb grazing over the button, threatening to push the very button that can ruin you within a second, and the thought of it is already making you wet. You were too caught up in your own thoughts to notice the three of them staring at you.

“Y/n? You there?” Atsushi looks at you with concern. You blink a few times, and you briefly look at Dazai, who’s wearing a dark smirk behind Kunikida and Atsushi.

“Sorry, what did you say?” You clear your throat, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. Kunikida looks at you with a disappointed look for not listening to him in the first place.

“I was saying we have a meeting with a client at..." You could no longer hear Kunikida’s voice. The only thing you could register in that moment were the vibrations deep in your pussy. You gripped the table, your knuckles turning white as you pressed your legs together automatically. Your eyes were wide when you realized that he had pressed the button. Biting back a moan, you tried tuning Kunikida back in, but it was no use. “Y/n! Are you even listening to  me?"The vibrator stopped, and you took a shaky breath.

"Yeah, I heard you. Sorry.” You force a smile, trying to play it off. Kunikida sighed but went back to his work, realizing he'd just be wasting more of his precious time on you if you weren't going to listen. You too went back to work after finally composing yourself, but you were still on edge because of Dazai, but holy hell did it feel good.

Eventually you had forgotten all about it, getting too engrossed in your work, and you had managed to meet with the client Kunikida had mentioned earlier. Your day was just starting until those vibrations started again out of nowhere. Your back arched and your hand slammed on the table as you took a sharp inhale at the pleasurable feeling, and you pressed your legs together again for some kind of friction. You noticed all eyes on you as soon as you did that, including Dazai, who had such an evil grin on his face. Your face turned pink out of embarrassment.

“S-sorry…cramps” You lie nervously, then try to go back to work, but Dazai doesn't turn the vibrator off; he keeps it going. Your hand is now subtly trying to cover your mouth as you try to prevent yourself from moaning, and your thighs are once again pressing and rubbing together for some kind of release. Dazai kept this up for the majority of the day, and somehow each time he knew when you would be close, he would just stop.

It was finally the end of the tortuous day, and you were the last one in the office, packing up your things. Then it started again, and thank God no one was around because you let out a moan that you had been holding in while you gripped the table again, bending over to steady yourself. Your legs felt like they could give out on you.

“You’ve been holding that one all day.” You can hear the amusement in his voice as he presses himself up behind you, his chin resting on your shoulder.”

“Dazai…Please” You moan louder; you just want him to stop leaving you on the edge of your orgasm. Dazai’s arms snake around your waist, his right hand traveling down the waistband of your skirt and passing your pants to rub circles on your clit.

“So wet," he murmurs into your ear, applying a little bit of pressure to your clit as he slowly continues to rub circles on it while the vibrator is still going. “And we haven't even gotten to the good part yet.” You let out a whimper as he kisses your neck.

"Dazai, please, let me cum.” Your voice was desperate, and your head rested on his shoulder as he continued to kiss and nibble at your neck. His fingers move a little faster on your aching clit, he just needs to say the words, and you’ll cum right then and there, but he keeps dragging it out, and you're nothing but a moaning mess. Your legs can't even hold you up with how shakey they are as you approach your orgasm.

“You can, Bella; you deserve that much.” He smirks as he presses his lips against your cheek as he helps guide you through your orgasm. The hand that isn't abusing your sensitive bundle of nerves went to his pocket to retrieve the little remote Dazai has become well acquainted with throughout the day.

“Dazai!” Letting out a strangled moan and biting your lip in pure bliss as you came around the vibrator that's been in your cunt all day. Dazai stops rubbing your clit and turns off the vibrator. Your chest is heaving, and a thin layer of sweat has formed on your forehead.

“That’s it, and like I said, that was only the beginning."

Fyodor -

Fyodor never looks at you, and if he does, he looks at you like you’re the dirt beneath his boot. Only on rare occasions like this would he ever look at you, however. Fyodor's gaze barely left the monitors that are stationed behind you. He was acting as if you weren’t bouncing yourself on his cock, his seemingly bored expression never changing, but he wasn't bored. No, not at all. Ignoring you was his way of encouraging you to try harder at getting his attention. You want Fyodor to look at you? To praise you? To grant you a mind-blowing orgasm? You’re going to have to try harder than that, and Fyodor is a patient man with an impressive amount of self-control, which you hate.

You’re struggling, to say the least. Your breathless moans fill the silence of the room as you continue to fuck yourself with Fyodor’s cock, rocking your hips as much as you can before bouncing up and down again, but it just wasn’t the same. Your head falls onto his shoulder as your hands grip his arms, trying to chase your orgasm. You momentarily stop just to catch your breath to go again; doing this yourself was agonisingly painful. You just want Fyodor to take control of you right now so that you don't have to do it alone.

Fyodor knows you're struggling, and he finally looks at you. His gaze is one of amusement and pity at how pathetic you look, trying and failing at chasing your own orgasm like the slut you are without his help.

“Look at you, Myshka—you can’t even do something so simple by yourself.” He smirks as he strokes your cheek with the back of his fingers. His hands trail down to your hips as he holds you in place before thrusting into you. You throw your head back and cry out as he thrusts himself deeper into you, your nails digging into his shoulders that are definitely going to leave marks. “You truly are pathetic, aren't you?” Fyodor will never praise you, no matter what you do. You know that now.

“Oh God!  Fyodor!” You moan loudly and throw your head back as he continues to thrust into you, now fully in control of the pace, only half listening to the degrading things he’s saying to you as if they aren't true.

“That’s right, Myshka, I’m your god.” He holds your chin so that you’re looking at him. He wants to watch you completely fall apart on his cock. Fyodor continued to control your movements; they were fast-paced, leaving you barely a chance to catch your breath. “Eyes on me.” His tone is commanding yet almost condescending, as if you can’t even do that on your own.

“M’gonna cum. Fuck!” You scream as pleasure washes over you as your walls squeeze his cock.

“That’s right, let everyone hear just how good your ‘god’ makes you feel.” He whispers in your ear as you chase your high. Your nails dig deeper into his shoulder, breaking the skin and leaving crescent moon shapes at this point as you finally cum.

Your head rests on his shoulder as you catch your breath coming down from your high. You feel his hand grip your chin gently, making you look at him. Fyodor still has that look on his face—that you’re pathetic and worthless.

“There, that wasn't so hard now, was it?" He smirked down at you, his head tilted, then let go of your chin before looking back at the monitors again. You don't move; he didn’t ask, nor did he move you himself. So you sit there with his cock still embedded inside of you and your head back on his shoulder as you relax. He looked at you. The only time he will ever look at you, even for a few short minutes, is when his cock is buried in your cunt with nothing but degrading words spilling from his mouth. A few minutes later, you stay still, now fully calmed down. You feel his hand on your hair, and you expect him to grab a fist full for him to drag you off of him and toss you to the side like you meant nothing, but instead he strokes your head gently. “You did well, Myshka.”

[elizais]

your version of poodle

bsd x fem!reader!! summary if you don't want to watch the video: you and __ have a random word that you use to confirm whether the other is telling the truth or not to make the other happy/quietly tell the other you love them. warnings: suicide mention (dazai) includes: dazai, chuuya, akutagawa, kunikida, jouno

osamu dazai, "citrus"

you had to go on a mission for the agency, you had to go undercover at a party. you had a specific dress to wear that had a microphone in it so that the detectives could gather the information from you. yosano was doing the back of your hair whilst you done your makeup at your desk. not the best studio, but it would do. and osamu loved watching.

everyone was discussing the mission, some people (ranpo) jealous of the food you had freedom to and all you really had to do was sneak into some conversations.

standing up after your hair and makeup was finished, you smoothed out your dress and walked over to the mirror. turning a wall to face the mirror, grimacing behind the wall the separated you from their conversation, you didn't see osamu sneak a glance and quickly walk back to his desk. you walked back plastering a smile on your face although you didn't feel your best, and grabbed your bag as everyone wished you luck.

osamu walked over as you grabbed a few things from your desk and put them in, he stroked your shoulder lightly before saying " you look gorgeous, bella. " trying to assure you of that fact. "citrus?" you asked. "citrus." he smiled.

"what's citrus?" atsushi asked dazai as you left, speaking for everyone as dazai explained with a chuckle. "it just means you have to be telling the truth."

"why citrus?" kunikida followed up. "oh! well one night we were watching a movie and someone said something about commiting suicide from citric acid, i contemplated trying it and i forgot that it's basically just orange juice." he shrugged with a smirk.

chuuya nakahara, "fedora"

you were both sat in the same executives meeting discussing last month's faults and then it came to the section that you controlled. "y/n, what exactly went wrong in that mission?"

mori asked as you sighed, remembering that mission when you had to turn back from the enemy with your most feared group. the mission that was meant to be a straight success.

"they had an ability that countered most of ours, the safest thing to do was to turn back. " you explained. "are you certain?" the boss pried.

"i'm absolutely certain, chuuya, don't you agree? you read the mission overview." you responded more agitated than before, trying to get help so that mori doesn't kill you then and there. "yes sir, fedora." chuuya agreed with you but realised the word he had used when you started laughing.

the word only you two knew the meaning of.

"what does fedora mean?" mori grilled. laughing, you explained the origin of what fedora meant to you both and how it came from chuuya claiming he would never lie about a hat. somehow, you both got out of the tough situation mori put you in.

ryunosuke akutagawa, "rash"

ryunosuke was not one for affection or pda, and you were perfectly okay with that fact. so, how you came up with a word showing how much you love each other was like this:

when you first heard him talk about rashomon, it was when you had first met him and you were just listening in to conversations as you walked along port mafia corridors. you had innocently thought that he said "rash of mine" and thought nothing of it.

but then once you and ryu became closer months later yet not anything official, you were talking one night and messing around with your abilities. when he called out rashomon, you couldn't help but be overcome by giggles.

looking at you confused, he couldn't ask what is funny before you turn to him and realise you never told him. "when,," you giggle "i once heard you talking about rash-" you giggle again.. taking a deep breath in "i thought rashomon was called 'rash of mine' for a couple weeks."

so after you both hung out more and became something more, your small way of showing that you love one another when neither of you were too keen on pda was a quiet whisper of "rash" or a squeeze of the other's forearm. you could both agree your favourite part of this secret language was that you were the only ones who could speak it.

doppo kunikida, "salmon"

this one is simple because doppo enjoys fishing. it became a thing when you were very early into the relationship and he took you fishing.

you weren't keen on fishing but you wanted to try it since it was something he liked. he took you to his favourite spot and you admired him as he spoke whilst fishing. and he caught one! a huge salmon..

you were so happy to be with him you forgot how much fish freaked you out, so when he shown you the monster of a fish he got you froze up. he saw you and immediately laughed whilst asking "do you want me to put it back, y/n?" and you nodded slowly in response.

so ever since, when he wasn't sure if you were sure on something and vice versa, a one word question was asked. "salmon?" "salmon." and when used in front of colleagues, to say it confused them to see (in dazai's words) "prime minister of meeting procedure land acting insane." would be an understatement.

saigiku jouno, "soy sauce"

whilst saigiku can tell when you are uncomfortable or lying from his heightened senses, so he didn't really have to call "soy sauce". but it is no secret he doesn't enjoy tecchou's habit of matching foods of the same colour together. so naturally when you found out about this pet peeve you just had to tease him about this!

but over time the phrase slowly evolved into whenever you aren't sure whether he was uncomfortable in a situation (which isn't often, he is very vocal about his likes and dislikes) you would just ask him, "soy sauce?" and a yes was simply that he was uncomfortable and a no was that he wasn't.

or when you saw him unusually stressed in the hunting dog's HQ, he heard you walking up by him and as he is another one who isn't overly fond of pda, a hushed "soy sauce" could be heard.

if tecchou ever heard your soy sauce thing, jouno would never admit what it means.

[foranpo]

ੈ˚☆ their last good-bye.

fandom: bungou stray dogs.

characters: ranpo, dazai.

reader: gn!

genre: headcanons.

content: angst, major character death, mention of blood and suicide.

word count: ~600 each // ~1.2k total.

cole's note: i was gonna write for chuuya as well but 1. it's already huge for hcs and 2. i wasn't feeling the 3rd character so i left it as 2 characters and, who knows, maybe i'll post a 2nd part with chuuya and akutagawa <3

ੈ♡˳────── enjoy the reading <3 ──────

˚ʚ ranpo.

Not all of Ranpo's intelligence could predict your effect on him.

It started by being minutes. Just a few moments of his day when your absence was felt in the way his mind manufactured thoughts destined for you. Longing letters were whispered in the most solitary corners of Ranpo's mind, forcing him to create melancholy scenarios of never-gone moments, rehearsing over and over again soap operas of a nostalgia only remembered by the gods.

And, without noticing, minutes passed into hours. All the details that were dropped by you during the day, were picked up by Ranpo's astute mind like celestial dust left by the gods themselves; every detail of yours was noted with magic and hope in the heavy heart of Ranpo, the ink of the pen being of such tremendous kindness, adorned by the sun itself, that all the hours lost studying you seemed ephemeral, fast, too little.

So much space within Ranpo and all of it was taken up by you.

So… annoying. No. It wasn't just annoying. Ranpo would go as far as to say it was irritating to have so much of you inside him.

You flooded the essence of Ranpo. In a way, you, without realizing it, had consumed Ranpo's entire existence. The hours were few to decipher your mysteries, your whole essence appearing so great when inside Ranpo. You yourself were big inside Ranpo, squeezing his needs, stimulating his feelings, leaving no room for Ranpo himself to exist.

And when the hours passed into endless days of longing and yearning, Ranpo knew that the illness could not continue to spread any longer.

Because Ranpo didn't understand love, much less had he experienced it before you, and all the anxiety he felt away from you, all the curiosity that settled in him when you started talking, all the new stimuli and habits he gained, seemed to originate from a malevolent plague sent by the gods to distract him from his vocation as a detective.

And he couldn't let anything, or anyone, get in the way of him solving mysteries.

As such, it was without warning that Ranpo said goodbye to you. It just happened.

On a day like any other, where the sun was shining the same way, the birds were singing the same melody and the world was turning in the same direction, Ranpo said goodbye to you without gestures or words. Just negligence. A childish ignorance. An improper slight. All it took was for him to remain silent when he used to respond to your daily good mornings.

And, since then, as if by magic or the pleasure of the malevolent angels, the sun began to shine in gray tones, painting melancholy and nostalgia for each street he walked along, for each word spoken by him; the birds became sopranos of regrets, synchronizing Ranpo's loss and childishness in a symphony of disdain that has lasted to this day; and the world stopped turning, the clouds remaining static in the sky and overshadowing all the stars and hopes at night, the wind refusing to take with it Ranpo's sorrow for leaving you.

But Ranpo was now able to meet schedules and solve mysteries; Ranpo was now back to being the Ranpo he was before meeting you, without caring about the hours lost with you and thinking about you.

Ranpo was now himself, with no one else inside him —and all it took was for him to stop answering you to have the courage to say goodbye to you.

ੈ♡˳─────────────────────

˚ʚ dazai.

When the day came when Dazai had to say goodbye to you, he could only smile. Finally freedom.

With you in his arms, and a river of life flowing between you, all Dazai could do was smile. Everything went silent the moment he held you tight, the entire world suspending its magic so that all suffering was fixed at that moment, in that second, in that smile.

Dazai could only look at you; with a smile on his face and scarlet promises leaking from your lips, Dazai knew he would never forget that moment.

Small seconds changed the course of his life, without any warning or consideration, his whole existence was dyed of melancholy red of futures that were never going to happen —so why try to live them?

Now that he had you in his arms, knowing perfectly well that you would not let go of the agonizing scarlet that stained your clothes, Dazai finally felt free from the chains that bound him to this world. Now there were no excuses. No postponements. No errors. No you.

You... no longer existed.

The only color in this world, the only star that managed to survive the world's wickedness and the gods' warnings; you yourself no longer existed. Not when you had just been painted with the color of desolation.

So what pleasures did Dazai expect in this life, when the only heavenly soul had dissipated before him? Without any notice?

It was when the first tear toasted his smile that Dazai realized what happened.

You no longer existed. That red wasn't desolation, it was a farewell. A farewell that could not be retrieved, altered, or erased. That was real. The cascade of scarlet flowers was really a river of anguish and suffering —yours and Dazai's. It was a goodbye, not a see you later. It was permanent, not something momentary. And this time it wasn't caused by Dazai's boundless pranks; this time it was provoked by his carelessness and vanity. Although still causing all that pain, this time Dazai knew that no flowers or stuffed animals in this world could undo the harm he caused.

And Dazai's forehead met yours in a light, tremulous, hesitant encounter. Letting his tears wash away his own smile and spread your farewell over the rest of your face, Dazai just held you tight against him. Using all his strength, hoping you would wake up with the exaggeration of his love, hoping that all the red you dropped was just a joke to show him how much you suffered for dating that prankster.

But no reaction other than Dazai's came.

In that silent street, muffled by the city's movements, everything was silent, static, dark. And what once consumed Dazai, that freedom that was felt in the first seconds he held you and felt your essence being consumed by his fingertips, disappeared.

Now, only despair reigned in Dazai.

How could he even dream of freedom from this life, when he drowned you in the red river that consumed you? How could Dazai think of freeing himself from the anxieties and sufferings of this world, when he himself brought you eternal torment?

No. He could not achieve that freedom. Not when you went away with red words and scarlet gestures. Dazai was going to remain in this world. Letting your sudden departure dictate any and all suffering he came to feel, Dazai decided to stay —because, how could he dream of being with you if it was because of him that you said goodbye to this world?

ੈ♡˳───── feedback is appreciated <3 ─────

[frenchonionsoop]

How did Oda leave such a strong impression on Dazai?

OOHH ok i have a lot of thoughts on this topic so bear with me, this is gonna be a long one My interpretation is the first thing Dazai latched onto about Oda was his honesty.

Oda is a very straightforward person, he rarely ever if at all has an ulterior motive and it totally blindsides Dazai. He can't manipulate Oda because he'll take what he says too literally, he can't predict him - not because Oda is good at hiding his thoughts, he just naturally has the most unreadable resting poker face imaginable - and no matter what he does nothing seems to phase Oda (keyword "seems", it often does he just doesn't show it) , and it intrigues Dazai.

As seen with Chuuya we know Dazai gets hooked on people who surprise and/or impress him, so I can absolutely understand how he saw the enigma that is Oda and said "you're my friend now we're having soft tacos later <3".

I could go on for hours about the various times Oda has bamboozled Dazai and how each effected him profoundly in so many different ways, but that's a discussion for another time. I don't think just these factors would realistically warrant Dazai's drastic change in world outlook and spur on his sudden redemption arc, so what did?

I believe it was his complete lack of judgement. Despite Dazai's constant suicide attempts and harsh view of the world not once did Oda outwardly judge him for it, which is in some ways a blessing and in some ways a curse. Oda never viewed himself as qualified enough to call Dazai out, which in hindsight might've done harm as there were times were Dazai needed someone to call him out, but unbeknownst to Oda that lack of judgement gave Dazai room to breathe.

He saw right past the silly facade and the darker side to Dazai, he saw a "sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we're seeing", and he saw a friend.

And this is exactly why Oda's last words hit Dazai so hard. Odasaku, who never speaks up for himself, Odasaku, who's so genuine he'd believe a murderer if they simply said "I didn't do it", Odasaku, who is now telling Dazai life might just be little better if he decides to help rather than hurt.

Bleeding out on the floor of a mansion, in a desperate attempt to make up for all the times he didn't confront Dazai Oda has to find some way to get through to him and fast. His harsh words to Dazai on how he'll never find that happiness he so desperately craves are so jarring they snap him out of his panic, suddenly he's blindsided all over again, and that vulnerable state gives Oda's next words the chance to reach deeper - "be on the side that saves people."

In order to truly get through to him, Oda needed to level with Dazai, the only way to do that in such little time was to repeat back to him his own internal mantra of "never filling that hole that is his loneliness". It's clear his words are false, especially the line "nothing beyond your own expectations will happen" as Dazai's entire speech to Fyodor in the prison is about his belief in the unpredictable nature of human beings.

But regardless, that slap in the face of hearing his own self-destructive thoughts voiced aloud after going his entire life without ever considering anybody else could understand them heightened Dazai's faith in Oda's promise of a life that's "a bit more wonderful."

What makes me adore Oda and Dazai's friendship so much is how grounded and natural it feels. Oda isn't some perfect saviour who always knows exactly what to say, far from it, he was a 23 year old PM grunt with 5 kids and a love for spicy curry, but that's all he needed to be.

Sorry this is so ramble-y and long winded if you couldn't tell already Oda's my favourite character so I have a lot to say about him 😭 Thank you so much for the ask!!!

[heartsfourdazai]

Hallo :> This may be a strange request, so it’s okay if you don’t do it, or anything like that.

Could I request any bsd characters of your choosing, with an s/o who gets sleep paralysis demons? Have a good day <3

with a sleep paralysis reader

dazai, chuuya, atsushi

warnings: lowercase writing

a/n: tysm for the request and i apologise for it coming out to you so late!! hope you enjoy reading<3 , SORRY I RUSHED ATSUSHI'S PART , gender neutral reader!!

dazai osamu

undereyes

its the first thing he notices about your feature as you walked into work this morning.

he couldn't keep his eyes off of you, he had this suspicion that you've not been sleeping healthy.

and he wasn't the only one to notice your strange behavior.

throughout the day you've got little work done, falling tired and resting your head in your arms on the table-top of your desk.

naomi walked over to you, rubbing your shoulders gently to try and get your attention.

when you wouldn't respond she called over your partner, dazai, who slowly stood from his chair and waltzed toward you with his hands in his tan trenchcoat.

he took over for naomi, thanking her and calmly asking her to leave.

she nods polietly and exits the room, leaving you and dazai alone.

"what's on your mind, 'donna?" he whispered, careful to not startle you and scare you.

"it happened again..." you mummered into your sleeves of your dress shirt.

he nods slightly, "i see," is all he would say before wrapping his arms around you gently, holding you in the chair.

your head landed onto his chest, your eyes shut closed as you took in his scent.

at the end of the day you both went back to his apartment, that being more closer then your own.

upon reaching, dazai helped you inside. holding you in bridal style as he enters his apartment complex.

he sets you down gently on the bed, your eyes slightly closed due to your tiredness.

"would you prefer to take a shower before your nap?" he asks, talking out a pair of shorts that are his and a shirt you forgot you kept here last time you visited.

don't worry, he cleaned it for you so it doesn't smell like his apartment.

you shake your head in response, cuddling into the comforters of his bed, hearing him hum softly.

"very well..." he sets the new pair of clothes on the drawer beside his bed.

he gets into bed with you, covering your smaller body with his. not small, but smaller then him. he's pretty tall.

you turned your chest toward him, him and you eye to eye. he smiles, tugging away your bangs that covered your eyes behind your ear, "there we go."

he helped you fall asleep, rubbing his fingers at your temple, hummed softly into your ear, and rubbed your back in comfort.

you were safe that night. all thanks to your loving partner<3

chuuya nakahara

a loud gasp causes chuuya to stir awake in his sleep. both him and you were passed out after 11pm. so he was exhusted, however that gasp woke him up quite a bit.

"y/n-" he cuts himself off, seeing you hold your body close to yourself, hugging your arms and your nails almost digging into your skin.

you were breathing heavily, your body shivering and tears formed into your eyes.

"hey-heyhey!" he whispered, getting on his knees and pulled the covers off him and more onto you.

"babe.." he slowly reached out for you, not wanting to scare you.

however you gasped and slapped his hand eye, your blood shot eyes stared back into his soft, worried ones.

"what-what happened? are you okay- clearly not-uh." he felt your hands grab his biceps, in which he responds to looking into your eyes.

tears poured out of them as you stared at chuuya, "i-couldn't-move..they were-were-all over.." your breathing was fast and you stumbled on your words.

chuuya shushed you softly, his hand reached out to touch your hair. you leaned into his touch, sobbing softly as you cresed his hand.

"its over now, your safe..ssh..i'm here."

he thought to himself, first though coming into mind was 'sleep paralysis'

"has this happened before?"

you nod shortly after hearing his question, "oh, baby.." he kissed your head, causing you to sob harder.

as the night passed , chuuya held you close to his chest, just holding you. not talking.

not humming.

he just...waited to see if you'll fall asleep.

he keeps an eye on you while at work, always asking if your okay or if you want to do something fun with him! going on dates, going on walks, or anything you want to do!

he just wants you to be able to fall alseep without fear, and he'll do what he can to make that happen!

atsushi nakajima

poor boy.

please...please tell him whats going on?

he walked into work with an excited smile on his face, until he see's you on the floor of the agency.

panic. instant panic.

rushes over to you, with kunikida over you checking your pulse.

he reassures atsushi you just passed out, and that your fine..just insanely tired.

atsushi takes a breath of relief. however, why did you pass out? how tired were you?

you woke up in a small, cozy room in the agency. atsushi was by your side sitting on a single chair whilst you laid on the couch.

"atsushi..."

he raised his head up and smiled, "y/n! your awake!!" he rushed to you.

"are you okay? you passed out!! what happened!!"

you rubbed your eyes as you sat up in your seat.

"uhm..i.." you paused, biting your nails.

"have you been sleeping?" he asked you, and you shoke your head.

"why?"

you explained.

he felt his stomach drop.

"oh.. y/n.." he hugs you, holding you close.

he keeps an eye on you, making sure you get good nights sleep.

[allisonlol]

Wahh tysm for doing my request and I love your blogs<3

-Fyodor,Dazai and chuuya simp

And can I request how Fyodor, Chuuya,Dazai will react if their S/o randomly sit on their lap and moan then their S/o say "I want you"

And yes sorry again about my grammar ;-;

a/n: Y'ALL CHILL OMFG- jk jk i love this req let's go!! writing fyodor's part fr gave me butterflies??

warnings: nsfw (duh), mostly suggestive but kinda explicit?? idk

(Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor) Sitting in Their Lap & Saying 'I Want You'

Dazai

this mf had been teasing you ALL DAY at work

fleeting touches as he passed by, whispering words in your ear, looking you up and down from across the room

at one point you'd pulled him to the side and begged him to take you in an empty office room; that's how desperate you were

BUT...he'd refused. had simply smiled innocently at you and said "shouldn't we get back to work?"

so, needless to say, you were more than a little worked up by the end of the day :')

by now it was evening, and the last of the agency members had left except for you and dazai

you were putting away some files when the idea popped into your mind...it was your turn to tease him now

your desperation from earlier returns, and you stride over to dazai's desk before yanking the files from his hand, throwing them on the desk, and swiftly taking a seat in his lap

ngl he was surprised for a split second before giving you a coy smile & wrapping his arms around your waist

and that's when you lean forward and whisper "please, i want you" as needily as possible

^also making sure to move your hips back and forth for an added measure

his composure DROPS. buries his face in your neck while taking shaky breaths

practically rips your clothes off while shooting glances at the door and that's when you know you're in for it

Chuuya

lol did y'all see that chuuya won the "hottest bsd man" poll on twitter?? deserved

but anyway

you & your bf had been so busy the past week that you hadn't had any time for sex?!

your days had been spent running around on countless missions, and then by the time y'all got home all you did was collapse into bed

so...you're both a bit pent up

therefore once you finally had a less busy day, you decided to mess with him

you & chuuya were in his office: him at his desk finishing paperwork, and you in a chair across the room scrawling down a report for the day

^you finished your report and were staring at him lol, zoned out while admiring how pretty he looked while focused

and ngl it was making you feel all hot and bothered!!

figuring you both could use a break, you hopped up from the chair and approached his desk

chuuya gives you a tired smile as you approach, but his face quickly turns to confusion when you shove his chair back and drop yourself in his lap??

"baby..." you look up at him with the most pleading eyes you can muster, "i want you"

omfg. bro turns 50 shades of RED

you're all pressed up against him and you feel him start to get,,,excited while his breathing quickens

he's staring at you all wide-eyed and surprised until he regains control and pushes you back against the desk, looming over you & intending to give you just what you want

Fyodor

so, fyodor had been denying you recently?? every time you hinted that you wanted sex he would write you off & say some "just wait a little longer, dear" ???

you KNEW he was only doing it to tease and get a reaction out of you...and it was working

you were feeling so pent up that you'd contemplated just throwing yourself on the ground and begging him (certainly what he wanted), but instead opted for a less humiliating way

you were both preparing for bed when you couldn't stand it any longer

fyodor was already in bed, reading a book and pretending not to notice the way you were needily watching him from across the room

you approached him, slowly pushing the book out of the way before settling yourself in his lap

gently cradling his face in your hands, you're both silent for a few moments before you whisper "please fedya, i need you"

fyodor is looking up at you emotionlessly, and you feel tears of desperation start to prick your eyes

^once he sees this, his face softens and his lips twinge upwards into a smile

you let out a surprised squeak as he suddenly flips you over so he's above you, his arms trapping you on either side

"well, i certainly can't deny you when you ask like that, can i?"

taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @stygianoir @sonder-paradise @irethepotato @serenareiss @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky

[chuuyasheaven]

“ʟᴇᴛ ɪᴛ ᴅʀᴀɪɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ.”

(♬)sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ; Chuuyaʼs girlfriend is going through a depressive episode, so he decided to take a shower with her, but it escalated to soft, passionate shower sex. :)

(♬)ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs; Shower Sex (duh), angst/comfort to smut, soft!Chuuya, after cuddles, depressed!Reader (afab, she/her), soft kisses and soft talking w/ the ginger!

(♬)ɴᴏᴛᴇs; I guess the reader is kinda based of me bcs my parents and friends haven't been the best lately, or school is too stressful and is making me so depressed but oh well, enjoy! :) (also not proof read. Meaning i may add sum touches laterr)

“Baby, you haven't had a shower for 6 days. Go take one.” you heard Chuuya say, this may sound a litte harsh, but its the best for you. (in his opinion)

“But..i don't feel like it. Can i shower tomorrow, please?” you tried to convince him, but he wasn't having any of it. With a sigh you got out of bed.

Chuuya noticed that you were rather upset for these past days, also a little concerned. He also noticed that you stopped showering these past days.

Not sure how to react, he asked Dazai for help.

“Oh? Well, it could be depression causing all this..you should let her take a shower first. After that, talk to her or cuddle with her, whatever brings her comfort. Also try not being harsh about it, that could make things worse, Chuuya.” Dazai claimed.

Chuuya looked at you softly before adding;

“If you want, i could shower with you. I just want you to take care of yourself, sweetheart. Do you want me to accompany you?” he asked gently, you looked at him, and nodded lightly.

He picked you up bridal style to carry you to the bathroom, you slightly smiled at this.

Arriving, he sets you down, turns on the shower head and starts undressing himself. You couldn't find it in your strength to undress yourself so you asked Chuuya to help you.

“Chuuya, can you help me undress? I'm too weak to do that alone..” “Of course, baby. Just need you to hold still, 'kay?” he helped like it was nothing.

“There we go, hm? Seems like the waters already warm.”, you looked at the shower and stepped in. Chuuya followed.

Chuuya grabbed shampoo to wash you hair, you just stood there and took it. You knew you needed it anyway.

As he began to wash your body, Chuuya started talking to you in a soft tone.

“So tell me, why haven't you been taking care of yourself, hm?”, he wanted you to answer.

With some time, you answered.

“I...i just didn't feel like it. I was too tired to even get out of bed..I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, Chuuya.”, tears started forming in your eyes, Chuuyaʼs tone soften to talk to you again, to assure you.

“Sweetheart, you aren't bothering me. I was just worried about you. Trust me, you'll never bother me, now,” Chuuya stood back up to wipe away your tears.

“I love you so much, angel.”

He hugged you, stroking your wet hair. You pulled away quick to kiss him on the lips.

As you both kept kissing, it deepened. The kiss was filled with so much passion and love. As you both kept kissing, it deepened. The kiss was filled with so much passion and love.

Suddenly, the water felt slightly colder due to your skin getting hotter by just this kiss.

As you parted for air, Chuuya looked at you. His eyes filled with love and lust, you both wanted-

no.

you both needed eachother.

He then kissed you again, meanwhile Chuuya just cornered you onto the shower wall.

After another pause, he smirked at you.

“I love you so fuckin’ much- hold onto me really tight, alright?”, you did as he said.

The moment of bliss that followed as he lined up with his cock, at your cunt.

“You want it as much as i do, princess?” He asked, you just nodded as Chuuya responded,

“Words, sweetheart. Tell me..”, you hesitated at first, then pulled your last strength together.

“Fuck me, Chuuya, p-please..- i need you.”, he started thrusting into your wet cunt. Moans and ‘I love you’s’ followed from the shower.

Chuuya found his way to comfort you at all, did he?

Ew. (ima be fr; this took me like a week to finish)

[chuuya-fan-page]

Off-Brand Tiktok Chuugly worse than the original! (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!! GONE WRONG!!!!!)

I dunno how BSD fan's takes could get even more braindead, uhhhh, but they did? Which is, really cool. A has already discussed this individuals posts before, but this one is just...

Hot take, neither ship will be canon because BSD is not a romance centric series!!!!!!!

Well this is just blatantly wrong.

"Dazai was never intimate with Chuuya!"

...Sure thing!

Ignore that a big part of soukoku's bond is that despite Dazai's aversion to physical contact and his alienation from the world around him he allows Chuuya to touch him. Whatever you want.

"He only saw Chuuya as a monster finding his past, that's why he hated him!"

No. Dazai and Chuuya's conflict in Fifteen arises from their opposing ideologies. Dazai plans ahead, Chuuya is brash and jumps into things, which irritates Dazai, this is something he dislikes as well in Akutagawa. On the other hand, Chuuya has fought his whole life, whereas Dazai seems ready to give up, which is confronting to Chuuya and his mindset. This is where that "hatred" comes from.

Also the idea that Dazai saw Chuuya as monstrous is canonically incorrect. I don't even have to do any digging, Dazai says it outright (ty for not being difficult for once)

Dazai never doubted Chuuya's humanity. He never doubted it because he saw how complex a person Chuuya was and never thought he could be anything other than human.

The way Dazai acted with Sigma was partly because he wanted to help him, yes, but also because he was using him. Hello???? Also Dazai was hardly intimate with Sigma, he drags him down at one point, and whether you're going on the anime or the manga, grabs his face to stop him from literally DYING.

Some of y'all, istg.

Partly true!

Dazai sees Sigma as human!

Please refer to my last piece of evidence on the topic of Chuuya.

Dazai had already nullified corruption when he cupped Chuuya cheek. That was just a moment of pure intimacy and trust between them!

None of this changes the fact that Dazai, a man who has a metaphorical wall around his emotions and his body, allowed Chuuya to sleep on his lap. He could have moved him, it wasn't risky at all, he didn't need to hold Chuuya still on his lap like that, minimal contact was enough, but Dazai allowed more.

Buddy, if he wanted to kill him. He had plenty of chances, they were partners for a long time and Chuuya's literally been passed on his lap before, he could have killed him then, when he was vulernable and out. Then there's corruption that if Dazai doesn't get to him in time to nullify it, he literally dies. If Dazai really wanted to kill him, he could have. Their so-called murder attempts are not serious and they don't do it genuinely trying to harm e/o. The last one is just what?? Like I said before, if he wanted to kill e/o he could have just not got to him in time after using corruption. Corruption is always last resort, double black doesn't always use it. The memorizing breathing patterns s because they were partners and spent a lot of time together and know e/o better than anyone else.

Dazai has had ample opportunity to kill Chuuya, he's been around him at his weakest and lowest points. There is no reason why Chuuya would still be alive if Dazai truly wanted him dead.

bro what.

Corruption is a last-ditch effort that has only ever been used sparingly and against enemies that couldn't otherwise be defeated. Guivre, for example, was a singularity beast out of control. Lovecraft was literally CTHULU. Steinbeck himself said there was no hurting Lovecraft from the outside, and that lil bomb Dazai hid in his cast was not doing it for them.

Again.

If Dazai wanted Chuuya dead. He. Would. Be. Dead.

I straight up don't know what this point is supposed to mean. Dazai shows disgust for Fyodor's beliefs at some point? Like is that what she's referring to??? I dunno, lack of evidence, overruled.

That's...not...

I have no words for this oml.

Like dude, acting has to come from some genuine feelings um.

"Chuuya dehumanized him multiple times" I'm genuinely sick of people taking that dhc scene as dehumanization. Dazai was being ignorant and being disrespectful to the dead, who for context, was a guy who helped Chuuya out with the verlaine situation in sb. He said "oh wouldn't this be good since an executive poistion is open now?" like who wouldn't be pissed by that? So he punches him, because Chuuya's lived a life of survival, so that punch was probably instinct. The words he says after to Dazai was not dehumanization! "I'm human too" "No one would believe that"

People take this as dehumanization, but he practically saying "no one would believe you are human when you are belitting human life like this, so start acting like the human being you are" basically it was a way of saying of dazai's inhumane behavior was shitty and was basically a wake up call for him. He's seen Dazai act humane before, stormbringer was a prime example of that when Dazai gave him a choice, so he knows dazai is capable of acting humane. It's notably even said when Dazai gives Chuuya a few minutes to think about it: "It was an expression dazai never makes."

And um, blind trust is not always good. Sigma and Dazai are in a life or death situation, so he kinda has to trust and put faith in Dazai even though he is incredibly wary of him due to his experiences with fyodor. But Chuuya and Dazai have known e/o for a long time, so logically they will have more trust than sigma and Dazai.

-T and A

[hopelessdazai]

Hello I found your blog recently and I love your writing 😍

I was wondering if you cold write about Dazai and Chuuya with reader got a terrible day at work (sad, upset, angry... The kind of days your u just say fck it all and go home), and when they get home the slightest thing annoyed them, it's the last straw and they lash out Dazai/Chuuya. But reader realises they said mean thing they didn't mean and are truly sorry? May or may not have nsfw elements (your call). I know it's oddly specific I just had a terrible week at work.... Need some comfort ><

hii! I did this as a dazai x reader for you if that's okay, and I hope your situation gets better!!

a rehabilitated despondency.

contents ; dazai x reader, fem reader, yelling, slightly angsty at some parts but it ends fluffy.

you just wanted to get home and rest, with the majority of the world testing your patience, there was nothing you would've loved more then to go home and simply relax.

but relaxing isn't a popular hobby when you have such a boyfriend as dazai osamu.

"you're home! you're home! oh I missed you, so so so so so so much!"

he bounds up to you, practically the same as an eager puppy, wrapping his arms around you and naturally bouncing up and down with you in his arms.

"dazai- please, let me sit down-.." your voice must've unheard of, as he kisses you and spins you in circles. you'd already been hot and bothered by today, and this certainly wasn't helping.

"for fucks sake, osamu. if you don't get off me.." you mumble, your voice a threatening sort of tone. he doesn't listen, cupping your cheeks and chubbing them together.

"ohhh~ is my poor little grumpy girlfriend maaad~? you're like a cute little puppy!"

you knew it wasn't his fault. and as much as you could blame yourself, you were overwhelmed. so you couldn't exactly help it when you lost your patience, your hands roughly clasping at his wrists to pull them off your face.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

you can physically see him deflate, the tone in your voice was more then the usual banter you had. a look in his eyes that was both unreadable and full of an almost hurt ounce of betrayal. he's almost waiting for another word from you as his hands fall to his sides.

"shit, no.. dazai, I'm sorry. just listen, I had a really bad day. it's not.." your breath hitches as you feel tears well in your eyes. was this even a redeemable thing? he shakes his head.

"no- no, [name], I'm sorry. I didn't listen." He sighs, swallowing a little from nerves and exhaling slowly, his fingers figiting with each other. "I should've given you time to relax. I'll let you be alone."

you shake your head, almost frantically, hugging him tightly and immediately beginning to cry as soon as your body latches with his. he returns the embrace, his hands finding your hair to weave his fingers through.

"I'm so sorry." you whisper. dazai lifts you and gently kisses the crown of your head, carrying you to the couch and sitting you both down gently, you fall into his lap. you apologise again, repeating the words over and over.

"[name.]" He says, almost sternly. you look at him, closing each eye as he wipes the tears off your face. "it's not your fault. I'm not upset with you, you had a stressful day. okay? I'm not mad." he whispers, you bury yourself into him.

"let's just forget about it, okay? rest. we can get takeout or something, does that sound nice?" He looks at you so lovingly, you nod. you'd fix yourself. just glad he didn't leave you.

"alright, I love you." He gently cups your cheek, kissing you in a way that means love. you kiss him back.

"I love you too."

- zai

[damagedintellect]

Nakahara Chuuya x Reader

💌 Would this be considered a social suicide? : Chapter 7 💌  

Summary: You knew it was dangerous to take walks at night but hearing the water rushing under the bridge was calming to your nerves. You didn’t imagine you’d ever fall into the river and somehow wake up in your favorite anime. The isekai that I’m sure will come back to haunt me. It’s kept me up all night but I might as well get the brainrot out.

Notes: Reader is Isekai’d into BSD, Slow to start, Chuuya is endgame but there’s a fair bit of reader & Dazai moments too okay like a lot of Dazai moments, implied poly but not really

♡ I was in and out of the hospital for the last half of the 2023 but it feels good to finally write again! Updates will be slow but ya'll already knew that ♡

Tags: @celestair​

💌 Word count: 2,401 💌 Available Chapters [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]

The next day you had been in an extremely chipper mood despite most of your colleagues being burnt out. The agency members were slumped at their desks as Kunikida furiously scribbled away at the stack of papers that Dazai had secretly pushed towards the blonde. For you on the other hand it was hard not to have a skip in your step when Chuuya had walked you home last night after your date. The day had been a breath of fresh air not to mention romantic and sweet. As Atsushi was about to leave on a small errand, a delivery for flowers came to the office. Everyone eyed the elegant display wondering who they could possibly be for but Dazai just rolled his eyes with a huff. He rolled his eyes because he thought Chuuya was doing a victory lap since he already saw the pictures from the day before. It wasn't until the messenger stated they were for an Osamu Dazai, that he looked up in confusion. Ultimately it sent the office into a frenzy. Everyone was in an uproar asking questions that Dazai didn't exactly know the answer to until he read the card attached. He fondly smiled before diverting everyone’s interest elsewhere. He glanced in your direction as you winked to which he shook his head at you. Of course you were the one behind the flowers. He mouthed "You're ridiculous." From across the room as everyone continued to pester him. Mission accomplished.

You had been texting Chuuya whenever you got the chance to, you asked about his day, sent meme’s you thought were funny, you even sent him a picture of the flowers you sent Dazai. Within the hour another delivery arrived causing you to fall out of your chair laughing as you were handed an even bigger display of flowers. This time it made Dazai groan and pretend to barf. The rest of the office wasn't surprised in the slightest that you were given flowers. Half of them could probably guess who sent them anyhow. Atsushi was really the only one who was confused and asking questions.

Since no one was getting any work done with the distractions, and to deflect the lingering attention off of you, you suggested taking a break at everyone’s favorite Cafe. That seemed to do the trick immediately giving you the much needed space you desired. The flowers were beautiful and you thought the arrangement was very thoughtful. Dazai had made the joke that he's surprised that Chuuya didn't send roses which was most people's knee jerk decision when sending flowers for multiple reasons. One of which was to flex how much money they spent on them but also they are classically romantic and who doesn't like roses. Of course, Chuuya opted for red camellias. It made you laugh since that was the flower chosen to represent the redhead in multiple official art pieces. Although looking up the meaning made you blush. Google says, “They're known to symbolize deep desire, so if you're trying to win someone over, then sending a bouquet of red camellias will do the trick.”

It certainly was working, that's for sure. You only wished you could do the same to Chuuya but you couldn't imagine that the mafia would allow a random delivery for flowers to their headquarters. On top of that you didn’t actually know if Chuuya was still at his office or out and about.

Instead you tried to think of other ways to give gifts to the mafioso. The next day, with the help of Dazai, you broke into Chuuya’s apartment to give him flowers too. It's still weird that Dazai is willing to help you like this but you shrugged it off for the most part. It must mean he really did believe your lie about your alternate timeline. That and you were skipping work. You both headed to the cafe after operation “Fluster the slug” was complete since it was most likely where everyone else would be at this hour. Still it was a shame you wouldn't be able to see Chuuya's reaction.

As you and Dazai approached the cafe you noticed the rest of the gang standing just outside the doors. You didn’t have to look inside the cafe to know that it was, that, episode. The whole agency went ballistic. You play along passing off details about the organization responsible for the hit on the cafe. All you knew was they called themselves “The Park” but that was good enough for everyone else to jumpstart an investigation.

Kunikida was still working away by the time everyone was ready for the heist. It wasn’t like you could add anything, naturally being a noncombatant you stayed behind helping file all the papers that Kunikida had been polishing off left and right. They had been gone for roughly a half hour when you heard a firm knock at the door. You looked up from the stack of files laid out on your desk to see Chuuya at the entrance. Standing up in surprise you knock over a stack of papers in the process “Chuuya, What are you doing here?” You had been eager to see him again but this was unexpected. 

He smiled at your clumsiness as he crossed the room to help you pick up the papers. “I was in the area so I thought I’d drop by.” As he handed you the last document he offered you his hand, gently helping you off the floor. Taking a glance around the office he noted that it must be a relatively slow day for you, perfect. “I was gonna ask if you’d like to have dinner with me later but maybe you’d prefer to grab lunch?” 

You blinked a few times at him letting the words process a little bit. He was asking you out on a date? Realistically you never did grab lunch earlier and you had done more than enough work to warrant leaving early. Still it caught you off guard that Chuuya was actually invested in taking you out. Of course he said the feeling was mutual the other day but you're just not used to people wanting to court you.

“You can say no if now's a bad time. I just figured a real man should ask in person.”

You shook your head trying to get the words to leave your mouth. You could see his confidence diminish with how long of a pause you took in order to respond. “No no it's not that-now's a great time actually. I kinda skipped lunch with all the commotion earlier!”

Chuuya raised an eyebrow in concern “Something happen?” You both start casually making your way out of the office. 

When the door clicked behind you Kunikida finally looked up from his work. “Wasn’t that the Port Mafia's gravity manipulator?”

—

You explained your very eventful start to the day to Chuuya as he nodded along in understanding. Ironically the mafia had been keeping tabs on “The Park’s” activity but they were such a minor threat Mori didn’t feel like taking them out. Essentially the Agency was doing them a favor by handling them. What a small world. You both were so enthralled with your conversation it didn’t occur to either of you that you didn't have a game plan for where to eat. To be fair you’d normally eat at the cafe but they were compromised. You didn’t even really know what Chuuya's favorite foods were either. The only thing listed on his likes that was food related was wine and it wasn’t exactly the right hour to be drinking just yet. 

You both had been walking around in circles just talking and enjoying each other’s company, food was the last thing on your mind. However a thought did arise given your current circumstance. It made you smile devilishly at the opportunity that had presented itself. You pulled out your phone looking up the current eateries in the area to see if any had a take out menu. Chuuya gave you a quizzical look as you dragged him to some random restaurant. “Are you sure this is where you want to eat?” 

“Actually about that,” You didn’t know how to pose the question. This was only the second date and you were already asking to go to his apartment. To be fair he had been over to yours without asking so maybe this way you could call it even. “I was thinking maybe we just get take out and watch a movie at your place.” Your request sounded meek and unsure. In fact Chuuya thought he misheard you all together.

What was so great about going to his apartment? Was it even clean enough for company? Chuuya wasn’t a messy person by any means; he's just busy and leaves things out on occasion. You watched his neutral expression waver as his face darkened. A man and a woman alone together. Oh, that was a possibility. Although he shouldn't assume that to be the reason. He berates himself for thinking like that. 

It didn't take much convincing for Chuuya to agree. All you really had to say was you didn't want to be around crowds for a while. After that week with Q’s ability running rampant you were okay if you never left the house again. Plus you brought up that he’s seen your place and that it would only be fair to take you to his. He really has no idea what your true intentions were. You were excited to see his reaction.

As you made your way to his building you had a skip in your step, the anticipation was killing you. He gave you a look before he put his keys into the lock. It was weird seeing you marvel at him this way. He wasn’t used to people looking at him with such admiration. Your face lit up as he motioned for you to step inside. He thought your behavior was cute but he still didn't get why you were so enthralled with the idea of being over at his place. 

He went to put the food down on the table and had to do a double take. “What the hell?!” Chuuya nearly dropped the food after seeing the flowers. He was about to search his place to make sure nothing else weird was done while he was out when he saw your face. Your smile beaming wide as you giggled at him. A light dusting of blush on your cheeks. 

“So that's why you wanted to come here!” he accused. 

Chuuya fiddled with the card for the flowers as he turned away from you. He didn't know what to say. No one has ever given him flowers before. No one other than Dazai also breaks into his apartment. Maybe he should change the locks again. Beside the point, he was baffled and touched.

You stepped in front of him leaning over the edge of the table to smell the flowers. “Guilty! I just wanted to see your face,” you turned to him, winking “It was worth it, oh and before you ask, yes I had Dazai’s help.”

He opened his mouth but you cut him off “I made sure he didn't mess with anything before we left and no I didn't go in your room. This is as far into your place as I got.”

Chuuya clicked his tongue, folding his arms across his chest. He was watching you reach across the table with a soft smile. You really were something else. He shook his head, grabbing a flower to put in your hair. “Well, I guess I should give you a tour then.”

You stare back at him feeling warm. You couldn’t contain your happiness as he ushered you around. It was fairly big for one person and pretty well kept for him not being around all the time. You sat down on the couch as he brought the food over. You were scrolling through movies on his streaming service when one caught the corner of your eye. “The boy and the puppy” You felt Chuuya tense up beside you as you clicked on it. Honestly watching a sad movie with your almost boyfriend seems like a win, win situation. If you cry, Chuuya gets to hold you. If he cries, you get to hold Chuuya. How sad could it really be?

Turns out, extremely sad! Why was it so sad? This was just as bad as “Marley and me” . It was so heartwarming but immensely bittersweet. You both had tears streaming down your faces but he was turned away slightly trying to save his dignity. God look at you, couple of cards you were, both of you completely wrecked by a sad movie. It made you ugly laugh at the situation you put yourself in. His head snapped in your direction furrowing his eyebrows at you. “How can you be laughing at a time like this?!”

“Why did you let me watch that, you knew how sad it was!” You were laughing through your tears as he threw his arms up “The hell! You knew, I knew it was sad and you still clicked on it!” Chuuya was banking on the fact that since he’s seen the film before, knowing would prevent the water works and he would be able to suavely comfort you, but he took one look at you tearing up and then he started tearing up and now you both were a mess. 

“Well this backfired!” you wiped your tears before throwing yourself on top of the redhead burying your face in his chest as Chuuya fell backwards on the other side of the couch. You pouted “I thought I was strong enough! I was going to cute cry and lean on you for comfort. This is the worst!” 

He laughed shifting to make this position more comfortable. Wrapping one arm around you to make sure you didn’t fall off the edge and the other to pet your head. “Can’t win 'em all I guess.”

“Pffft yeah no kidding.” You nuzzled into his touch listening to his heartbeat. You don’t know how long you stayed like that but it was nice. It made you smile until your face hurt. It reminded you of the night Chuuya came over to your place. You felt your eyes slip shut and you drifted to sleep.

<= Previous Chapter | Next Chapter =>

[chososchalupa]

wish that it was me

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The last person you wanted to see at this meeting was your older brother. The same brother who left you in the hands of Chuuya Nakahara and the Port Mafia years ago, but all you can see now are the pleading eyes of Osamu Dazai begging for forgiveness.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Chapter five - Come get me

wc - 816

cw - self harm mentioned, not proofread

chapter six

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Chuuya looked disappointed with your words as he walked towards the door. 

“You guys just need to talk” He whispered as he reached for the door handle.

You shook your head, “there's nothing i need or want to say to him, Chuuya”

Chuuya just shook his head as he opened the door, revealing Dazai standing outside. His cheeks red and eyes watery, 

“Hi” 

His usual confident voice shook as he spoke to you, “I just want to explain myself” he continued as he walked into Chuuyas home. You couldn’t find it in you to feel bad for him, not when he's left you in that exact state many times before. 

“There is nothing to talk about” You replied, turning away from him to look back at your phone.

Chuuya whispered something to Dazai before you heard the two walk into the kitchen. You glanced up quickly to make sure they had actually left before going to message Akutagawa.

“He came to Chuuyas” You wrote

Akutagawa was quick to reply, “Dazai?”

“Yeah, said he wanted to explain himself”

“Are you okay?”

You reread the text several times, realizing quickly that you were in fact not okay. You hadn't realized the tightness in your chest or the fact that your hands were shaking while you were holding your phone. You swallowed hard, closing your eyes trying to relax until you heard the two men walk into the living room.

“Hey, Can we talk?” Dazai asked, sitting in the chair beside the couch.

You glanced back at the text Akutagawa sent before locking your phone and looking up at your brother.

“You left me. You left Akutagawa and Chuuya. You seem so much happier now than you were with us” You spoke, your voice cracking as you held back tears.

“I am happier now, but-”

Those words were all you needed to hear before the tears fell. Your breathing became quicker as you glanced over to Chuuya who just mouthed, “Listen” at you. 

“You didn’t even apologize. You didn’t even care to check up on me” You cried

“I did care and that's why I didn't check in. I knew Chuuya would take care of you. I left to protect you.”

“Protect me from what, Osamu? Because ever since you left, the only person I needed protecting from was myself” You rolled up your sleeves, revealing fresh and old scars. You watched as Dazai held his breath, looking over your arms slowly. 

“Why?”

“Are you seriously asking ‘why’? I felt so unworthy of anything since my own brother didn’t want to be around me. Akutagawa felt the same! He tried so hard to-”

Dazai was quick to cut you off, “I don’t care about Akutagawa, I care about you.”

You scoffed, “You destroyed us. In different ways, sure. But it hurts all the same”

Dazai was silent, he glanced over to Chuuya for help but Chuuyas eyes were glued to you as you stood up.

“I need to go to the bathroom” You whispered, walking quickly down the hall.

Once inside the bathroom, you locked the door and sat on the floor keeping your back pressed to the wall closest to the living room so you could hear them speak. 

“-brought her with me but i couldn't” You heard Dazai whisper, “I wasn’t fit to watch over her. I knew you’d keep her safe. I would’ve just ruined her”

Chuuya scoffed lightly, “You ruined her either way”

You continued listening until you finally got some of the story. Dazai left after Oda’s death, his mental illness getting worse and worse by the day. He wanted to keep you safe from himself, he didn’t realize that keeping you apart would hurt you just as bad. You finally checked your phone to see several messages from Akutagawa. 

“Hello?”

“Y/N”

“Please respond soon. I am worried”

You wiped your tears as you clicked on his contact, the phone ringing as you pressed it to your ear. 

Akutagawa answered quickly, “Hello? Are you okay?” 

You sniffled softly, “I’m okay. Can you come get me from Chuuyas? I can’t be here right now”

“Gin and I are on our way. Be there soon”

“Thank you, Aku” You replied before hanging up the phone.

You looked in the mirror wiping the trails of mascara off your face before walking back to the living room. 

“Akutagawa is coming to get me, I’m going to be staying the night with him and Gin.” You spoke, 

Dazai opened his mouth but you kept talking, “and I heard you guys. Osamu, I would have been there to help you when it got bad. What you did hurt us more than you’ll ever understand”

You finished speaking and walked out the door, exiting quickly before Dazai or Chuuya could respond. You sat on the steps of Chuuyas home, breathing in the fresh air as you waited for Akutagawa to come.

taglist

@lacunaanonymoused @decaf-nosebleed @till-we-become-monsters

AO3

masterlist

[ao3-deviance]

Blindfolds and Curry

(Also on ao3)

For @bsdfanweek Day 3 - Secret Relationship

-----

Chuuya sighed the moment he stepped into his apartment, the scent of brine in the air. 

"Can you not today? Boss had me basically tortured all day to make me swear I haven't seen you."

"Well then," a familiar fishy voice came from behind him just as a silken cloth crossed his vision. He felt it being tied comfortably behind his head. "Let's make sure you don't see me."

"Asshole," Chuuya grumbled, but he didn't fight the other as Dazai maneuvered him out of his coat before kneeling to take off his shoes. "You better be putting those away correctly.”

"Yes, yes,” Dazai waved off his complaints, and Chuuya leaned into the kiss he gave him. Something soft and domestic, a simple I'm home. Chuuya slumped with exhaustion, not even yelling when he heard the predictable careless thump of his shoes being dropped into a disarray. 

Dazai's hands rubbed at his shoulders, a silently asked are you okay? Chuuya shrugged off his touch after a moment, walking by memory towards his kitchen. Being tortured because of his partner's betrayal of the Port Mafia wasn't fun, but Chuuya had had worse, and it definitely helped knowing that while Dazia had betrayed everyone else, he hadn't betrayed Chuuya. He'd even gone so far as to risk coming back to Chuuya's apartment the night Chuuya returned from overseas just to warn him of what had happened. 

Chuuya pulled out a bottle of wine, using his ability to pop the cork. He was almost tempted to drink straight from the bottle, but then he felt the coolness of glass being pressed to his free hand and he curled his fingers around the stem. 

“I'll order something delivered,” Dazai murmured, pressing his heat against Chuuya's back while speaking against the top of his head. Dazai's hands soothed Chuuya's sore shoulders, running up and down his arms and chest possessively. Chuuya grimaced as the movement agitated the wounds under his clothes, and he could feel the aura of malice coming from behind him. “Go, sit. Get comfy,” Dazai said nonchalantly, tone betraying nothing of his mood.

Chuuya didn't argue, moving towards the living area to rest. He heard the sounds of Dazai calling in for curry at the local place nearby before he felt the other's presence join him on the couch. Chuuya sipped at his dry red, breathing deeply and taking a few moments to just exist in this moment with his partner. Beneath the blindfold, his eyes were shut. 

Dazai's touch didn't startle him as the other reached for his hand, playing with his fingers for a few moments before tracing up his wrists, forearms. Then those fingers moved to his shirt, slowly unbuttoning it to reveal the damage Chuuya had borne due to Dazai's betrayal. 

“I could kill him,” Dazai stated, empty of emotion. 

“No, you couldn't,” Chuuya denied him tiredly. “Oda would be disappointed.” 

Dazai hissed quietly, like a cat pet the wrong way, and Chuuya felt him duck under his chin, kissing over Chuuya's throat where the signs of a recent strangulation attempt remained. 

“I could. For you.” 

“I wouldn't ask you to,” Chuuya said, “and I don't need you to, either. I can protect myself, Mackerel.”

“You should have pulverized him for touching you. For daring to–”

“No more work talk,” Chuuya cut him off, hearing the words Dazai wasn't saying. The I hate to see you hurt, the I'm sorry, and I feel useless. “Just…come here.” Chuuya lifted his arm, reaching out, and Dazai eventually shuffled closer. He pressed against his side, curling up as if he could make himself smaller than Chuuya, head nestling against his shoulder. 

Chuuya sighed, nosing against Dazai's hair and taking in the scent of the sea. “Did you try drowning today?” he asked, unimpressed. 

“No,” Dazai mumbled, petulant. “I just sat on the beach for a while. Too cold.”

Chuuya hummed in agreement. “Good. Last thing your weak ass needs is to get sick.” 

Dazai's fingers slipped between his open shirt, tracing the bandages decorating Chuuya's ribcage. He peeled one corner away to reveal their truth. Even and methodical, the cuts beneath could only have been made by a sharp weapon, something small and precise. A scalpel. 

Chuuya's hand covered Dazai's, pressing the bandage back to his chest. He nipped the tip of Dazai's ear, surprising the brunet enough that he was pulled from his thoughts, realizing he'd been grinding his teeth tightly. He unlocked his jaw, opening and closing his mouth a few times, and Chuuya offered a slight brush of lips against his jaw as a silent reward. 

“He'll give up eventually,” Chuuya reminded him. “He's just mad at himself for pushing you away.”

“He doesn't get to take that out on you,” Dazai snarled lowly. “If he wants to offer recompense, I'll gladly take my pound of flesh from him.”

“No. You won't,” Chuuya denied him again. 

“...I want to.” Chuuya could hear his pout. 

“I know. But he's not worth that; you giving up.”

“I'm not even on the good side yet. Couldn't I kill him and then start my two years underground?” 

“And if you kill him, who's going to lead the Port Mafia? You? Me?”

“Ane-san could–”

“You know damn well that she doesn't want to, and she won't if you try to make her.”

“...Verlaine?” Chuuya snorted at the idea, and he felt Dazai lose some of his tension, giggling a little at the thought himself. “You're right, he'd never do something that required him to leave his precious basement.” 

Chuuya laughed, shaking his head. “Just forget it. Boss is the best leader available right now, even if he is a bit of a bastard sometimes.”

“ All the time,” Dazai corrected. 

“Shush. Just focus on your light shit. I can handle the dark, partner.”

Dazai shivered against him at the title, pulling Chuuya closer as his arms wrapped around his waist. Chuuya let him, idly playing with Dazai's hair until their doorbell rang. 

“Food's here. Go get it,” Chuuya said, tugging lightly on Dazai's hair to make him move. 

Dazai complained the whole way, but he did get up, moving to answer the door. Chuuya reached for his glass of wine, taking a slow sip, frowning when Dazai didn't immediately return. He sat up, head cocked towards the foyer but he couldn't even hear the mumble of voices. He was reaching up to remove the blindfold before a familiar hand stopped him. 

“I got sushi!” Dazai sang, and the crinkle of bags joined him. 

Chuuya hummed, relaxing, before his brow furrowed. “I thought you ordered curry?”

“Nope! Did Chuuya want curry?” 

“I don't care. I just thought–”

The doorbell rang again. Chuuya stiffened, hearing Dazai rush to the door before returning with the sounds of more bags. 

“I got curry!” Dazai sang, “since my little doggie wanted it so badly.”

Chuuya scowled, tearing off the blindfold to glare at Dazai. There was a bag of sushi–enough for one–on the table between them, and a bag of curry for two in Dazai's hands. 

“Where did the sushi come from?” Chuuya demanded. 

“I ordered it.”

Chuuya's eyes narrowed. Dazai's face gave nothing away. “No, you didn't.”

“Just because Chibi didn't hear me, doesn't mean–”

“Who was at the door, Dazai?”

“The food delivery person.”

“Who brought the sushi?”  

“...a food delivery person.” 

Chuuya's lip curled. “Don't lie to me.”

Dazai was silent, watching him. His eyes were dark, but Chuuya could see the storm of fury underneath that spoke of his anger. 

“I'm not,” Dazai said evenly, carefully. “The sushi was brought by someone delivering you food. Someone who thought you might've had trouble getting food tonight.”

Chuuya exhaled slowly. There had only been one person present for his questioning today: the Boss himself. Mori has even kept it secret from Kouyou, no doubt because she would have never allowed it. 

“Dazai–”

“He's not dead,” Dazai immediately cut him off. “I let him leave.”

Chuuya eyed him doubtfully. 

“...and he won't touch you again,” Dazai added. Then he smiled. It was wrong, mean and twisted, and Chuuya didn't like the look of it on the other's face. He grabbed a pillow from the couch, throwing it and hitting Dazai square in the face. When it fell to the ground, the smile was gone, replaced by a familiar pout. “Chuuya!” Dazai whined, stomping his foot dramatically, “So mean!”

“Shut up and come eat,” Chuuya said, resigned. He'd deal with whatever mess Dazai had stirred up tomorrow. 

—--

Dazai opened the door with a pleasant grin, one that immediately froze over and shattered the moment his eyes landed on the man at the door. Mori's eyes widened with genuine surprise before a smirk began to twist his lips up. 

“Ah, I kn–”

Dazai shoved him back, stepping out the door and closing it soundlessly behind him. 

“You touch him again, you won't like it when I come back,” Dazai cut him off, darkly pleased by the way the smirk fell from Mori's face. 

“When?” Mori questioned, brow rising in interest. “So you would return?”

“I would,” Dazai nodded, eyes steady, “to send us both sailing off the top of your building. I'd even hold onto you the whole way down so your precious Elise wouldn't interfere.”

Mori stiffened. “A threat? Really, Dazai, haven't you grown past those?”

“Not a threat,” Dazai murmured, stepping closer until they were practically breathing the same air. “A promise.”

Mori frowned. “There's no need for such hostility.”

“Right now, Mori-sensei, there's only one goddamned reason left for me to even try to keep breathing, and he's waiting for me to bring him curry for dinner.” Dazai narrowed his eyes in challenge. “Take that reason away. I dare you.” 

Mori paused, studying Dazai for a moment before offering the white plastic bag Dazai hadn't realized he was holding. “Well then. You best bring him dinner, hm? It's sushi, not curry. I thought he might have some difficulty procuring food tonight. He…had a rough day.”

Dazai smiled sharply, cutting. “How thoughtful.” He accepted the bag. “He just needs some rest. I'm sure a day like today won't happen again.” 

Mori studied Dazai for a long moment. He tilted his head in acknowledgment, turning to leave. 

He passed a food delivery person in the lobby; it smelled like curry. 

[lyloneliness]

Okay, I'm frustrated that bones changed some details in the anime since it suppressed the proofs that Dazai is alive and I'm also tired of seeing this chaos... So I'm gonna share the complete explanation of how it is he survived and no one will be crying anymore!!!

So first of all, look closely at the bullet impacts on the wall.. ..... There are only three even though chuuya shot four times. There no impact behind dazai's head, when the bullet would normally go through dazai's head.

At this point of the reflexion, some think that it's a point blank bullet, which makes sound and all but doesn't kill. But I don't think it is cause :

When did chuuya put it in his gun? If it was really one, asagiri would show chuuya recharging

It would hurt dazai much more than that since the gun is literally ON his forehead, the impact itself greater than what we've seen

There is no shot sound for this shot if you look closely

BUT, there are three shot sound on the next panel, which means chuuya hurt dazai on the forehead with his ability somehow (I think since dazai isn't touching him directly he can still augment the mass of his gun and direct it forward in order to leave a round mark on his forehead), and THEN shot three times to fool Fyodor into thinking that the wound on dazai's forehead was made at that time and that he shot him in the head, shoulder and hip.

But then, where did the 'headshot' go? If you remember what dazai said just before the 'we're destined to-' speech, he screamed at chuuya saying "where the fuck are you aiming at, you lousy shooter ?! ". And we've seen when chuuya arrived that he can respond to dazai's provocation... Now, look at the first shot impact on the wall :

It's two times bigger than the others. And the first shot sound on this panel is different from the two that follow, meaning it hit something other than flesh. So I think chuuya made a Pinpoint shot in the first hole as an answer to dazai's provocation and to make Fyodor associate it with the head wound, and then shot two times to enforce the feeling of violence and comfort Fyodor into thinking he won.

Note that this theory is plausible because we've seen on the screens Fyodor is looking at that the camera is in chuuya's back, and that chuuya knows it since he was in the control room with Fyodor before coming here. Which means Fyodor cant see the moment of the impact on dazai's forehead, but only the three shots after and the wound on dazai's head.

Also note that none of dazai's injuries are dangerous for his life, none of them are situated on vital points or nerves and all. And since dazai is bleeding much more from the first wound than the two last, I think at that time chuuya hit his artery and that's why he complained... And chuuya ajusted after that.

Aaaand that's what everyone is saying so you probably already know it but, he COULDN'T speak if he were really shot in the head (which they suppressed in the anime to make it more realistic and leave the suspense) .

Also his 'last words' could be talking about how he waited for the proof chuuya was still on his side, and not about how he waited for death as a suicide maniac.

Let me also remind you that a vampire can chose to ignore the order to kill when it's someone important to them, like we've seen with aku. That doesn't keep them from hurting them (shots, atsushi's leg... AGAIN) but at least, they can chose not to kill them. Or even to sacrifice themselves, like akutagawa when he didn't activated his armor, willing to take atsushi's punch..

I'm sure most of you know that the 'goodbye' in chap 101 isn't just a farewell to chuuya but also the title of the last book of irl dazai. And we know from several fights that the tactics soukoku uses are named after the irl authors' book, meaning dazai said this code to tell chuuya that he wants to use that plan.

Also dazai's rambling about how many time he imagined this scene could also refer to that, but since he says he imagined it the other way around, the original 'goodbye plan' was probably more about chuuya playing dead and dazai saving the day, unlike how it happens here.

Alright! Hope you feel better after reading that and thanks for getting to the end! ✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

And if you like it and/or don't want ppl crying anymore please reblog this, we need the truth to come out!!! And I made it with all my heart (❀╹◡╹) ❀~

[tomato-turn]

"You're really attractive!"he says. The redhead,he proposed, looked at him perplexed.

"That's flattering, I suppose." The redhead replies while looking at the rose, the taller man had brought.

"Well, I hope you'll accept the compliment and my heart~My lady~" he says and adds,"I'm Dazai, Dazai Osamu!" While stretching out his free hand cheerfully.

The redhead snorts a little at the word 'my lady'. "I'm not a lady." He says, chuckling and taking brunnet's hand, adds "The name's Nakahara, Nakahara Chuuya. But please call me Chuuya." Amused.

Dazai's brain had stopped due to shock. What the hell was he thinking? It was obvious Chuuya was a boy, even though he had quite a feminine structure, that is if you look closely, and Dazai has been looking at Chuuya for a year.

Back of him, his friends, Ranpo and Yosano, were snickering and chuckling, trying to smother their laughs but failing miserably. In front of him, Chuuya's friends, Shirase and Yuan, were chuckling too. Dazai was having a hard time processing the information.

"Ah. I knew that!" He adds, quite hastily.

Chuuya snickers and says, "Oh? So you admit I'm pretty attractive, or was that a joke?" With a smirk.

"Oh, please." Dazai replied while rolling his eyes. "You're just flattering yourself. Of course, that was a joke! I'd never date a man and especially not a man as short as you." Dazai lies pretty easily.

At that Chuuya retorts. "Fuck you! I ain't that funking short! I'm average." He adds the last line quite hesitantly.

At this reaction, Dazai can't help but smirk. "Oh? But you as short as a plankton. I think I'll need magnifying glasses to see you." Dazai snorts. Chuuya's friends couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Chuuya ears and cheeks become a little red due to anger and embarrassment. He furrows his brow with irritation.

"Hey bud!" He starts talking, grinding his teeth. "I'll let you go with a warning. Don't call me short, or else I'll beat the living shit out of you!" He says threateningly.

Dazai snorts and starts talking. "Sure, chibi sure, you can't even -" He was cut short with Chuuya's fist landing on his fist within his gut. It was quite painful. Dazai seriously hadn't counted this one bit. He groans with pain. "Oww."

"Do that again, I'll make sure the next time I do, I'll aim for the face." Chuuya says with a grin plastered on his face. He turns and leaves with his friends laughing and snickering, leaving the hurt Dazai groaning in pain.

That was their first interaction. But certainly not their last.

--------------------------

Dazai Osamu is an odd character to many. He's a 22 year old, tall brunette, a student in a college with odd features.

Firstly, he wears bandages almost all over his body, ALWAYS. He prefers not to be called by his birth name, which is odd, even when if it is his friends calling him that. He gives them a cold look and requests them not to call him that.

But despite that, he's a very cheerful person, which would've been nice if he didn't talk about suicide and death alarmingly. He's also that kind of person who is very laid-back, chill, and annoying.

Right now, he's in his second year with his friends Edogawa Ranpo and Yosano Akiko. How did they meet? Dazai is one of the top 3 in his first year and even helps his seniors with their studies, too. This had caught the eye of Ranpo, Dazai's senior, since he's the top 1 in the whole campus. He thought it would've been nice to meet someone with high intellect because he knows that Dazai isn't top 3 just because he studies hard. Yosano was already Ranpo's friend the time Dazai met them.

It has been a year since he joined the institute, and it has been well and good. Until a redhead showed up a month later. Somehow, he had gotten the brunnet's eye and has been eyeing him for a year. Until Ranpo pointed it out to do it as a dare.

--------------------------

Chuuya joined a month late at the institution. He's a redhead with temperamental issues. His eyes are bright blue. And he's short, shorter than an average man. His facial and bodily features are quite feminine at first. But soon enough, it is obvious that he's a male.

His attire is very odd to Dazai. He wears a simple white t-shirt with a leather jacket over it. The pants he wears are also leather. He wears a choker and a very tacky hat, which Dazai says,'it makes him look like a slug with a bad fashion sense'.

His friends, Shirase and Yuan, are from the same year. He'd been with them for seven years now. They're from a group named 'the sheep' which Shirase formed. Of course, there were other members too, but they have gone to other institutions, they keep in touch though.

Although Chuuya is temperamental, he's a very genuine and caring person. He loves animals and nature and is humble. Even though at first he gives the 'bad boy, no else matters other than me', impression.

He also had been in the institute for a year like Dazai and had just started the second year. Until the whole confession thing. Somehow, Dazai had also caught his eye long before this, when he had never officially met before.

--------------------------