#dealing with anxiety is a complicated mess

[violet-amet]

as i said before, my anxiety is dumb. im appreciated and loved, and though i could do more, for the time being, im fine. i just feel awkward because i feel homesick, and my mind likes to mess with me. overthinking is dumb.

[spookykestrel]

:’)

[snghnlvr]

hope they caught us. / sim jaeyun

jake x fem reader

synopsis: you knew that an academic girl like you shouldn’t be involved with a mischievous boy like jake, but both of you hide it well…right?

includes: 3.5k words | SUGGESTIVE | fluff too to balance it out lol | jake being a hot mischievous boy next door | but he’s smart! we love a hot, smart guy who thrives attention for y/n | jake’s hand placements⁉️ | y/n is shy but jake likes that | smooth talker jake yessir | LIP PIERCING JAKE !!

extra: hey bffs i’m back from my own grave 👯‍♀️ i lost motivation for a moment but it’s fine, ill try to post more~ | i’ve watched anne with an e so the language here is kind of similar to that style bc i love that fucking show and it inspired me 🤷‍♀️ | enhypen 🔛🔝 | jake has been so fine lately omfg | jake is a fucking simp!!!

likes, comments, and reposts are very much appreciated <3

[below the cut]

“j-jake-“ you pulled away from his grasp, heaving for air after that short yet everlasting kiss both of you shared secretly.

“you know we can’t be seen together.” as your flushed cheeks were on display in front of him, despise all of it, your mind was full of worries and anxiety of being caught by one of your family members or risking into a more intense situation in your bedroom.

“god, you’re so pretty whenever i look at you.” you scrunched your nose at your boyfriend’s compliment as he had a small smug smirk from your shy, silent reaction. you quickly turned your head towards the door, eyeing the hallway like a hawk to check if there was anyone near by and to your fortune, you can still hear the laughter and voices from the adults downstairs. you felt relieved, sighing softly.

your pondering thoughts became interrupted when you felt jake’s hand slither around your waist and pull you back again closer to him. you gasped, having both of your palms being in placed of his chest. he raised an eyebrow as you were taken aback from his gesture that was normal for him to do.

you were a blushing mess, however jake was smiling like a trickster- not giving a damn about what he’s doing to you, rather amused. you stared at him, observing how obnoxiously handsome he is with his hair being slightly disheveled up from your hands a few seconds ago, his hooded eyes gazing to yours and his lips being stained from your favorite shade of red from forbidden exchange that was yet mutual. the sight was scandalous but breathtaking.

you wanted to stare at him for hours, like a painting from a museum, trying to analyze every beautiful feature that earth has offered.

as the moonlight reflected your bodies from your small window, jake felt a breeze from it. the window’s open a tad bit. he sat down on the little space your window offered for sitting. he admired your wavy locks being swayed by the night air and your crimson cheeks being glowed from the radiance of the moon.

both of you smiled in delight, contented with each other’s presences.

jake. sim jake. adventurous yet devilish. elegant yet charming. sincere yet … complicated to deal with.

as you met the rebellious individual, you had no intentions of befriending jake. you didn’t like his trickster behavior in front of his friends, spreading unhumorous jokes, say the meanest things about teachers and most of all having an egotistical mind that one cannot top.

especially jake, for he is not only annoyingly attractive but naturally intelligent in his studies. maybe that’s why you didn’t entirely hate his guts.

your parents warned you about jake ever since he became not only your new classmate but your new neighbor. how innocent looks can cover their sinful stunts.

the way he showed himself to you at a family dinner at your place, he wore all black clothings including black ripped jeans along with multiple rings on his slim fingers and a lip piercing being proudly displayed on the right side of his face. in spite of it, you were surprised how someone your age can look daunting to look at. it somehow concerned your parents how one can allow their child to have piercings.

you would rather be the opposite. your closet would be filled with soft pastel colors. you have two piercings - the lobes. the ones where you would get at a young age and you never recall as you grow older but yet looking at jake’s, you thrived the curiosity of one.

but somehow, it ease your parents’ tension against him when he became a smooth talker and how he was gonna major engineering in college. you gawked at him, comparing how you were gonna take pre-med in college. just wondering how smart can he be?

and of course, as a shy girl you would always stray away in making new friends as if you wanted to be friends with jake. at a family gathering, you were the first one finished with your meal and went upstairs to do your unfinished homework. as a result, jake’s parents admired you for your hard work and dedication, wishing that their son can do the same instead of partying and socializing. not that there’s something wrong with having an extroverted personality, but something to prioritize with studies.

perhaps you did do it on purpose for the sake of your ego against jake and to maintain a good reputation as a daughter in your family.

unlucky enough, jake caught your act rather quickly. he would always scan you whenever you would converse with someone, how your lovely smile would appear, your glowy brown eyes shining under the gleaming light, how he had noticed you have small dimples on both sides of your cheek if your lips curved, how you scrunch your face when you receive a compliment, and your hair look looking smooth. he wonders what it’s like to touch it with his fingers and smell the scent that your hair obtains. there’s many more observations jake silently took note of.

all of his thoughts are genuine. about you. everything he thought about you are genuine.

he noticed whenever you would quickly glance at him and immediately look down at your plate as if you were scared. you would nibble your bottom lip and fiddle with your fingers on your lap whenever the adults mentioned jake to you.

needlessly to say as he took interest upon your first impression, he wanted you to be on his mind as well. in a way that makes him be stuck in your head for days and let curiosity rise to know him better.

the first step in his plan, to offer you to be his tutor. it surprised his parents, amazed at seeing a drastic change in their son after being in your house for one night. although he might in a higher level than you are, he wanted to find a way to know you better.

the night he was supposed to be partying with his friends, it was with books and you.

it was awkward. you felt awkward. your mind had awkward thoughts. the two of you in your room together in the midday of an autumn day. although your window was closed, your body was cold as you were cuddling yourself with a fluffy blanket of yours while sitting down.

next to you was jake, his uniform was a bit crumpled and his tie loosen up a bit after saying, “hope you don’t mind.” to you.

you noticed how his hair was a bit out of place, having the urge to fix it as the perfectionist you are.

however, despite looking tired from his classes, he seemed curiosity and his eyes would sparkle whenever something in your room caught his eye. like noticing your piano medals spread across in a shelf or picture you’ve kept when you were in art class in second grade pinned in your walls.

“so… what subject are you struggling with?” you were the first to break the awkward silence, eyes glancing at the emptiness of your desk table hoping that it would be filled with a textbook of any subject.

“statistics.” jake replied after, gulping in nervousness to make any wrong move on you. you raised an eyebrow.

“oh!” you straightened yourself in your chair, making your blanket slowly fall down. your shoulders from your cami top were exposed to jake, making him take into admiration of your beauty from your single lamp open.

you looked at jake. “the test scores were given back today right? can i see your test score so i can have an idea in what to teach you?” you smiled at jake as a reassurance message.

jake’s eyes widened a bit, taken aback from your sudden request. you noticed the moment of silence, thinking that jake is embarrassed to show you but jake was thinking of something else. he didn’t except nor imagine this scenario taking place. it was something that might make you mad.

“it’s okay, i’m here to teach you not to make fun of you, you can be honest with me.” you nodded at jake, seeing him zip his back bag open behind him. he scooted his chair closer to you.

now you were taken aback from the sudden gesture that he wasn’t even fazed. his eyes were glued onto his folder but your eyes were glued onto his side profile. under the luminous light, it complimented his features well that you questioned how handsome can this boy get?

“whatever you do, please don’t get mad.” he spoke in a low tone. you distracted yourself with another thoughts, nodding quickly so you wouldn’t get caught doing the unforgiven, staring.

you gawked once he opened his folder, with the numbers written in red marker. a big fat 100 smacks you on the face.

“w-what..” you were in disbelief at what you were saying. you were confused as to why he needed tutoring when he got a perfect score. you studied so hard he night before the exam to get a passing grade of 100, but it only resulted in an 80. even worse, jake’s grade wasn’t curved.

it made you be in a lost of thoughts as you glanced at jake. you noticed how his shoulders crouching down and avoiding eye contact like a guilty kid caught in the act.

maybe he can be your tutor instead which is humiliating to accept.

“you lied?” jake whined mentally at how devastated you sound. he was trying to quickly find a way to defend himself but what would he say instead of, i just wanted to know you better? sounds like a psychopath.

his lips trembled, “i-i .. okay look y/n..” you softened when you said your name with such delicacy and softness that it slowly made you forget being disappointed at him. “i just wanted to know you better, not as a neighbor but perhaps a friend since we will be often seeing each other a lot.. and i couldn’t find a way to approach to you without being weird..”

jake rambled with his words, slowly breathing in a fast pace after his chest was relieved from all of the stress he endured of defending himself. he looked at you with sad eyes, knowing that he disappointed you, that you probably never want to ever see him again and how you will snitch to him to your parents and they will forbid you to ever go near him again. but instead of crying your heart out and running away as he imagined, you instead chuckled. you were amused at his creative idea that you wonder how can he have such an idea like this one?

“you wanted to know me better?” you asked again, appreciating the thought that he wanted to be your friend but in an unusual way.

“yeah..” jake lowered his shoulder, whispering his reply to you. he looked at you chuckling at him.

“we can be friends jake, you didn’t have to do all of this.” you slightly rubbed your eye with your index finger, tired of giggling from jake. “i know.. i guess i was scared that i might look like a weird guy to you.” he embarrassingly scratched the back of his hair with his hand. his hair bounced against his flustered head.

“well you seem weird from the first impression but other than that, you seem harmless.. i hope.” you scrunched your nose unconsciously, making jake’s heart fluttered from the dimples appearing on your face whenever you do it.

the more days spent with jake under the act of “tutoring him”, it was him tutoring you instead since he told you that he enjoyed math and physics.

you thought he was a crazy scientist planning to ban away society from earth but the more time you witnessed him enjoy doing homework, you couldn’t help but think about him from time to time in appreciation that there’s someone who’s sincere as him. effortless and a natural.

during those moments, he did nothing but make you laugh and somehow make your heart flutter from his doings. it influenced your heart to be a mess. moments such as pulling your back bag from behind so there’s less weight and it’s lighter to walk with it while going home together from school, raise your blanket higher whenever it lowered from your body whenever both of you studied, and making your body electrocuted from the constant coincidental touches both of you share unknowingly.

although there would be times where jake pulled out his witty jokes and random comments to gravitate your focus onto him, he never forced anything onto you. he keeps his boundaries on alert and respected your feelings.

for instance, if he tried to make a conversation with you while you were studying and you tell him to be quiet, he would. immediately. he would slide the chair away from you, slightly sulking and try to find ways to occupy his bored self.

playing games on his phone is one thing but another would be exploring your room. jake found your art journal from middle school while snooping your drawers next to your bed.

or that one time he unfortunately came across your polka dot underwear lying freely on the floor when he eagerly and abruptly came upstairs after school as you tried beating him first to your room after screaming that you didn’t clean your room.

yeah that was the first time you yelled at him.

besides that, there would be times where you found jake adorable such as trying not to sleep whenever both of you were alone in one of each other’s room, whining in how a certain teacher sucks at their teaching job, and the crazy story times he experienced in his life. it made you realize how such a human can have so much impact in your life in less than a year?

nevertheless, you had to avoid each other at school to not let any rumours about the two of you knowing each other be spread across. jake completely understood as you didn’t want any drama from occurring in your final year of high school. there would be times where the both of you spared glances and smile at each other, missing each other’s presences deeply.

there was a moment where both of you laid in jake’s bed after studying, taking a small break before you return home for supper.

“y/n i’ve been thinking..” your heart thumped after hearing jake’s deep voice while closing your eyes. you never heard jake with this tone so it felt new and exciting.

you opened your eyes, turning your head to your right to face him as his stare was focused on the ceiling above him.

“i really like being with you. you made me realize how there’s always good in a bad place. and i really want to continue to be with you…” you sharped a breath when his picky was interlocking with yours.

he finally turned at you and for once you were grateful that he didn’t witness how red your cheeks were becoming. you were become a mess at how sparkly his eyes were and beautiful his lips can be. especially with that piercing of his.

this feeling was brand new to you. you’ve never been close to a boy before as you were merely focused in your education. boys weren’t prioritizing your mind.

“do you like being with me too?” jake asked, softly as if you were gonna be broken glass. he was being fragile in case he will do something wrong to you. he spoke with hesitation.

your mind was filled with memories that you spent with him from the past few months and you can’t but wanting to spend more memories with him.

“of course i do jake. every moment i spent with you, i feel free against the world that my parents created from me. you make me feel like it’s okay to step out of the comfort zone.” you smiled against your lips.

jake soon did the same as you continued to stare at each other with silence, having a significant spark in each other’s hearts for the first time.

“can i court you then?” jake’s hand slowly creep to yours, softly grasping it. you looked down, your heart pounding as if it was gonna explode from your rib cage.

god you never felt more in love than before. “i would like that jake..” you sheepishly smiled, letting go of his grasp to hide your shy smile but jake didn’t allow that.

jake slowly took the hand that was covering your beautiful smile, taking his hand with it. you were silent, eyeing his every action as jake kept staring at you.

your fingers were lingering the cold metal against his lips and it made your body shivered.

it was like he was having a different emotion in his eyes that you couldn’t identify but you felt safe when you were with him.

jake pecked your palm and held it against his cheek. he closed his eyes, processing the fact that you’re now his and he’s yours.

and the fact that you have to hide it from your parents for now.

and here you are currently, “a penny for your thoughts pretty girl?” jake swept a strain of hair behind your ear. you shook your head, lowering your head in his neck to hide your flushed cheeks.

you would always do this whenever you were feeling bashful from jake’s bold behavior and he loved it. that he was the only boy that made you be like this.

“it’s just you’re so beautiful when you look like that..” you whispered against his neck. jake raised both of his eyebrows, surprise at the sudden change in your usual personality. the position you were in, where jake was sitting down and you were standing above him.

his legs being comfortably spread out so each of his leg is next to yours it made you be in a pit of nervousness and jake took note of it. jake always love how expressive you are with your own eyes as if it was telling a story if your mouth goes mute upon seeing his figure wherever, whenever.

seeing him below you caused a spark in your heart as his eyes stared at you with devotion and attentiveness. jake noticed how your eyes changed when you kept staring at him with a specific look. a look that makes him even more whipped for you.

“really?” jake’s hands slowly crept towards your hips, lightly massaging it before he pulled you closer to him, causing you stumble lightly and sit on his lap thanks to jake’s strength in holding you still. your legs straddled his each side of his hip.

you looked down, realizing the situation you were in but jake kept holding his signature smirk as he was loving your reaction. he kept staring at you, swallowing the beauty you are in front of him. he didn’t want to get you go, thinking you are a dedicate feather ready to disappear if let go.

“well uhm,” you scoffed lightly, keeping a wide grin to disguise the apprehension from your face. as you were at a loss of words - not having a quick way to reply to jake, he took it as an opportunity to steal a kiss from your soft lips.

the sound echoed in your head, making your heart flutter listening to it. you closed your eyes again when jake stole another one.

you looked at him, filled with fond and passion. the silence aura, it spoke louder than words of how much you two love it each other.

you lightly placed your hand against jake’s resting on your hip comfortably with a small smile on your lips. you rubbed his fingers lightly.

“i love you.” as fragile as you sounded whispering the truth spilled from your lips, your heart never felt any less warmer with any other guy besides your secret boyfriend in front of you.

jake’s other hand, cradled your jaw. his thumb was slowly rubbing your cheek as his thoughts were filled of the words “i love you” multiple times. he swore he was gonna be a psychopath with you.

he didn’t say, but you felt it.

“i love you too my y/n.” both of your lips collided with a deep kiss after jake exchanged his romantic confession to you.

“y/n!” you immediately pulled out of the kiss, mentally whining that it ended too quick due to your mother calling you.

“yes?” you yelled back back as jake didn’t stop kissing you. he continued showcasing his love for you when his lips touched your neck, having little pecks as he was attached from your perfume scent you sprayed on before jake’s parents arrived to your home.

you were squirming on his lap as his lips kept going places on your neck. the sounds of his lips touching your skin made your head be distracted from your mother’s voice.

you tried stopping jake, pushing your palms against his chest to pull him off but jake insisted, grabbing both of your wrists with his one hand. you felt jake’s smirk onto your neck as you felt the tip of his tongue on your hot skin, making you gasp.

“jake’s parents are going home now! please send jake downstairs.” your mother yelled out. you sighed after you replied with okay to her, ignoring your heart trying to escape from your ribcage.

“jake..” you called him before he gets distracted with his desirable thoughts of wanting to continue in kissing you. you ruffled his hair to awake his senses but he has beat you to it.

“what a shame..” he scrunched his nose. “i’ll go now, i’ll definitely miss you.” jake pressed his lips one last time to your cheek before you removed yourself from him to get his things.

jake grabbed his black, round glasses from your table and the flannel he tossed in your bed the moment he entered to your room.

this time, you were observing your boyfriend picking up his possession, especially with the gray sweatpants and a white plain tank top. simple yet still handsome in every way and form. you can’t believe that jake is yours.

before jake left, his hand wrapped around your door knob indicating his hesitation. “hm?” you hummed in confusion when you turned your head to see jake stand still. you were curious of what was holding him back.

“i’ll be at your window in 10 minutes.” jake looked back. his eyes were gazing your figure in your bed. you looked up at him and his heart still flutters just as he first saw you.

you taken aback with this new gesture of his that you didn’t know what to say. “i-ill see you then.” you let out a smile. jake smiled back before quickly heading downstairs. you heard the mixture of his voice and you the adults downstairs as you fell sideways in your bed, making your head bounce on your pillow.

with his mischievous and brave acts with you, you’re certain that one day both of you will be caught but you never objected the idea of doing so.

taglist ; @iraisswiftie @s00buwu

[lovelettersforthedamned]

Congrats on reaching 4000 followers!!! 🥳

Can I request "so tell me, what do you feel for me?" "you know the answer. you know it all." "i want to hear you say it." with Steven Grant? ❤ it could be end with smut if you're comfortable with it 🤭

Same Tradition, Different Approach

✮ steven grant x afab!reader

✮ word count: 1.4k

✮ summary: a late night confession opens both you and steven's hearts (and your legs).

✮ warnings: fluff, smut, language, mention of food, mentions of anxiety, kisses, hair pulling, oral (f! receiving), cunnilingus, MINORS DNI, 18+.

minors if you keep reading i will manifest you having lice :)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

main masterlist ⋆ moon knight masterlist ⋆ four-hundred follower bash

gif by @magnusedom Every Friday night, you and Steven meet at his apartment for movie night. You guys have kept this tradition every week for the past few years that you’ve been friends. Laying in his bed, you both stare at the laptop screen, a comfortable silence falling upon you two. 

With the final scenes playing, you sit up and stretch. “That was good,” you look towards Steven, still lying comfortably under the blankets, “a little slow, but good.” He nods his head in response as you fold up your laptop, tossing it aside, and giving him your full attention. “I brought vegan cookie dough if you’re up to baking. I’m craving something sweet,” you begin to rise from the mattress, but Steven’s abnormal silence stops you in your tracks. 

Steven’s ability to constantly talk about anything was one of the things you loved about him, along with many other things, so his lack of words shocked you. You say his name, and it finally catches his attention, “You okay?” 

His eyes linger on yours for a second too long, and he quickly diverts them before responding. “Y–Yeah,” he clears his throat before sitting up, the blankets pooling on his lap, “just some things on my mind, love.” 

Your head tilts at his confession. Steven always had a nervous habit when dealing with tricky things, so when you see this, you’re puzzled. Your eyes dart to his constantly moving hands then back to his eyes. You reach a hand towards his anxious ones, placing yours there to ease his mind, “We can talk about it. Only if you want to, of course.” 

“It’s complicated, and I don’t want to bother you,” his demeanor visibly relaxes at the feeling of your touch. 

You let out a breathy laugh, “You never bother me, Steven, you know that.” Your thumb has started to rub the back of his hand, each movement making his heart flutter. 

“Just,” he starts before stopping, trying to find the right words, “don’t let what I say ruin our friendship. I value too much, and if I happen to fuck this up then stop me right now.” Your heart was racing at each word that Steven was rambling over. He was a nervous mess in front of you, and you could tell he was scaring himself. You kept quiet to see if he would continue, but when he remained flustered, you decided to jump the gun. Grabbing the sides of his face, you pulled him in for a kiss. 

Nerves racked your brain until he kissed back. His hands, previously folded over each other on his lap, are now at the sides of your waist, pulling you in closer. There’s a fit of passion between the two of you. All these years of unspoken love have finally escaped, and you couldn’t be more relieved. 

You try to pull away, but Steven keeps you in his touch with one of his hands coming to the side of your neck. His other hand makes its way down to the meat of your hip, squeezing it. You gasp at his actions, pulling away to look at him with a smile on your face. Steven’s face is bright red, his gaze focusing on your lips until you grab his chin, forcing him to look up at you, “So tell me, what do you feel for me?”

He’s already leaning in for another kiss, his body needs you. You lean back, forcing him to chase your lips before he responds, knowing that you won’t let him touch you unless he answers your question, “You know the answer, darling. You know it all.” 

He thought you were satisfied until you shook your head, still holding his chin as you leaned in as close as possible. Still not connecting your lips, you whisper, “I want to hear you say it, Steven.” 

You’re teasing him, and he knows it. “I love you.” he starts before taking a deep breath and looking into your eyes. “I love every part of you, and I can’t handle another second without your touch now that I’ve finally got it. So, please…Please let me kiss you, love.” 

The grin on your face widens before you close the gap between you and Steven. He moans into the kiss as if you’re the sweetest fruit he’s sunk his teeth in. The sound of his pleasure sends waves straight to your core, a feeling of desperation grows as the kiss progresses. 

“Lay down,” Steven mutters into your lips. Leaning back to fall onto the mattress, your lips never leave his. His arms cage you in as he hovers over your body, his lips moving to your neck. His lips suck on the supple skin right under your ear, eliciting a moan from you. Your hands immediately weave themselves in his hair. Lifting his head he says your name, catching your attention, “Let me take care of you, yeah?”

Not another second goes by before you nod your head, eager to see what happens next. His arms slide down your torso, his fingers catching on the hem of your pants and hooking under your panties in one swift motion. You open your legs for Steven, and he wastes no time placing himself between them. 

He first places delicate kisses on each thigh. Each one is higher than the last, and each one causes a shiver to run up your spine. The anticipation was killing you, “Steven, please stop teasing.” 

He nips at the skin before licking it and placing his head on your thigh, looking up at you with innocent eyes, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, love.” You whine in response, and he laughs. “Hey,” he finally comes face to face with your aching pussy, “I had to get back at you for teasing me. Now we’re even.” 

You start to talk back before you’re cut off by Steven’s warm mouth on you. He doesn’t waste any time before diving his tongue deep into you, a gasp of surprise echoes throughout the small apartment. He’s lapping at your juices, the taste makes him moan into your clit. “Fuck, Steven…,” you moan, your hands gripping at the sheets beside you. You’re not sure where he learned how to do this, but that’s honestly the last thing on your mind, especially when he keeps sucking on your clit. 

Steven can see how hard you’re gripping the sheets, and even though you two are touching, he misses your touch. He removes one of his hands off of your thighs and reaches for yours. You’re still a moaning mess when Steven intertwines your fingers, but you notice his actions, as you always have. 

He can’t get enough of you, and when you cum into his mouth, he stays there, making sure to get every single drop. “Steven–fuck,” you giggle at his eagerness to keep going, but you’re too overstimulated to keep going. With your free hand, you hold the side of his head before gently pulling him off of you. 

His lips and chin are glistening from your slick, and he has a shit-eating grin on his face. You couldn’t get enough of the sight in front of you. Sitting up, you pull Steven up for a kiss. The taste of you on his lips makes you whine. 

Reaching towards Steven’s cock, you pull away when you feel a wet spot and a soft cock in his pants. You look back up at him, his face bright red from embarrassment, “Shit. I’m sorry, love. That’s pathetic of me.”

“Hey,” you give him a small peck, “I think it’s kind of hot actually.” You smile at him before standing and walking towards the bathroom. You look over your shoulder to see Steven, still on the bed, admiring your half-naked form. You tease, “Do you want to join me in the shower, or are you going to keep staring at me?”

He perks up at the suggestion and immediately joins you. 

Your movie nights will continue to be a tradition, but now, a few kisses in between each scene won’t hurt. 

✮ author's note: EEEK STEVEN GRANT!!! i love this man so much it's unreal. thank you for requesting this and participating in my bash, @steven-grants-world !! if you guys want to join, click on the link at the top of this fic. don't forget to like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed!! ok, bye ily 🫶

[coffe-book-club]

˚ʚ vintage doll ♡ a much needed thread ɞ˚

♡ ˚₊  tom kaulitz, 2009 (twenty years)

guitarist and part-time womanizer (that's what his friends say) in his free time he loves going to strip clubs with his friends and smoking.

tom is hot, cool and he know that... oh he knows that. he always had dealings with a lot of girls, but never took them seriously. because as he says “i just want love for one night”

if he could he would marry his black audi A8, it's his little girl. when he drives he also talks to his beloved car.

nice fuckboy.

♡ ˚₊  y/n s/n, 2009 (twenty years)

she attends the university of educational sciences, to become a future kindergarten teacher. intern in a summer center for pre-adolescent children and teenagers.

eternal romantic. she loves everything vintage, under those cute clothes and that big heart she also has big tits and she love classical dance. she only listens to old french songs, it's her obsession.

she's so sweet and kind that unfortunately sometimes people make fun of her, but she's not stupid or naive at all.

♡ ˚₊ but they fuck? yes! yes! just fuck yes!

she got the chubbiest and cutest pussy ever and it's tom's most favorite thing. he'll have her on all fours with her chest on the bed and ass high in the air and her hands will come back to grip her ass cheeks and hold it apart to show off her pretty holes and tom is extremely addicted to it.

tom always has one hand on her breast, always.

♡ ˚₊ are they dating? yes - no. yes?

they act like it. nothing is official, no one is more confused than georg. like what the fuck... they don't date?! but they hitting it?! it does not make sense!

it's more complicated than it seems they beat around that topic but are extremely loyal, one with the other. like tom still messes around with other girls but doesn't fuck them? and she doesn't even notice other men, her eyes are only for tom and especially for his cock.

their mantra? mine and only mine.

hii 🍜 how are you? unfortunately, as i already imagined, this week was very stressful and i had a lot of anxiety and because of my worries and agitation, yesterday i had failed an exam (it was a very bad feeling, because i had never failed before yesterday 😥) let's hope for april. xoxo flo.

[cosmicanakin]

i only have eyes for you.

adult content | minors do NOT interact

pairing. vinnie hacker x female reader.

outline. your feelings for vinnie resurface after years of denying them. a confession and passionate moment change everything, but dating publicly would bring unexpected reactions your love must withstand.

contains. angst, internalized anxiety, stress, uncertainty, references to past rejection, toxic fans, social media influence, alcohol use, marijuana use, & brief mentions of smut.

authors note. this wip has been sitting in my drafts since nov. it was because i didn't like how it was written but whatever!

you took a long drag from the joint, holding the smoke in your lungs for a moment before exhaling slowly. leaning against the railing of the balcony, you gazed out at the party unfolding in the yard below. lights danced around as people mingled and laughed together, lost in the warmth of the summer night.

beside you, your friend maddy plucked the joint from between your fingers and brought it to her lips. “so,” she said, breathing out a cloud of smoke, “what's really going on with you and vinnie?”

you sighed, reaching up to idly twist a strand of hair around your finger. “it’s complicated.”

maddy arched an eyebrow. “come on, girl. spill the tea. i know something’s been off between you two lately.”

for a few moments you didn’t respond, mulling over how to explain the tangled mess of feelings you'd been wrestling with for over three years now. ever since you first met vinnie at a meet-up for social media influencers, there had been an undeniable spark of attraction. he was smart, funny, and genuinely kind in a way that was rare in your line of work. over countless collaborations and late-night talks, your friendship blossomed into something deep and profound.

but there was always an underlying hesitation, a lingering question neither of you fully voiced - what would happen if things shifted from friendship to something more? vinnie was one of the biggest names in the influencer world, with millions of devoted fans on every platform. his followers were fervently protective of him, and the idea of a potential girlfriend stirred up their jealousy. you hadn’t wanted to put him in that position or deal with the backlash yourself.

a flash of memory cut through your thoughts - a party not unlike this one a year ago, where you and vinnie had both had too much to drink. in a private moment away from prying eyes, he’d confessed his feelings and leaned in for a kiss. but you’d panicked and pulled away, stammering some excuse about not wanting to complicate your friendship any further. the hurt on his face haunted you for weeks after.

things had been awkward and stilted between you ever since. even though you missed his friendship dearly, you had distanced yourself to avoid facing the raw emotions still simmering under the surface. the same painful longing lingered in his eyes whenever you were together by chance at events like tonight.

you sighed again, passing the dwindling joint back to maddy. “i think i’m in love with vinnie,” you admitted softly. “have been for a long time. but i was too scared to admit it.”

before maddy could respond, the glass door behind you slid open with a rattle. “well isn’t this a party,” came a familiar voice rich with amusement.

you froze, stomach dropping as vinnie sauntered onto the balcony with his friend jordan in tow. heart thudding, you took in his windswept hair and lazy smile, eyes lingering on the tantalizing strip of toned abdomen where his shirt had ridden up. even after all this time, his natural charm and good looks still made your insides twist pleasantly.

“hope we’re not interrupting girl time,” jordan said, reaching to yank the joint from maddy’s hold and take a hit.

“not at all,” maddy shrugged, meeting your gaze meaningfully. you shot her a pleading look, silently begging her not to spill what you’d just admitted. thankfully, she took the hint.

an awkward silence fell as the four of you forced small talk, dancing around the suffocating tension hanging thick in the air. you could feel vinnie’s gaze burning into your skin but didn’t dare meet it, keeping your eyes trained downwards.

after what felt like an eternity, maddy stood and smoothed down her skirt. “jordan, i think i saw some old friends by the pool - wanna go say hi?”

jordan seemed bemused by her sudden eagerness but didn’t protest. with a quick wave, the two of them slipped back inside, leaving you alone with vinnie for the first time in over a year. your heart was now pounding so loudly you were sure he must be able to hear it.

the silence stretched on, heavy with everything left unsaid between you. finally, vinnie spoke up softly. “are you ever going to tell me what actually happened that night?”

you chanced a glance at him, taking in his imploring eyes and the rawness of his expression. all the tangled emotions you’d tried to bury for so long welled up inside you, spilling uncontrollably into the truth. “i was scared,” you confessed in a small voice. “i care about you so much, vinnie, but i didn’t want to deal with the backlash if we got together. your fans can be so cruel, and i didn't want to put you through that.”

vinnie’s face fell. “so you pushed me away to...protect me? is that what you’re saying?”

you nodded miserably. “i know it was shitty of me. i should have been honest instead of shutting you out. it’s just...easier to avoid all the drama, you know? we work so well as friends.”

“is that still how you feel?” vinnie asked quietly, taking a measured step towards you.

you closed your eyes, heart in your throat. in a strained whisper, you said, “no, that's not how i feel. not anymore.”

vinnie reached out tentatively, cupping your cheek to turn your face towards his. “hey...look at me.”

reluctantly, you met his gaze. the tender understanding in his eyes made the dam finally break, tears welling uncontrollably. “i’m so sorry. i’m such a fucking coward. the truth is...i think i’m in love with you too.”

in an instant his arms were around you, pulling you close against the solid strength of his chest. you clung to him fiercely as all the pent up emotion came crashing down - grief for the wasted time, fear of opening your heart, and overwhelming relief at finally being honest. vinnie held you through it, stroking your hair softly and murmuring gentle reassurances until your tears subsided.

when you pulled back, his thumb brushed delicately under your eyes to wipe away the lingering moisture. “you don't have to be afraid anymore,” he said, cupping your face entreatingly. “i don’t care what anyone says. i just want you, okay?”

heart in your throat, you nodded. vinnie’s eyes shone with an intensity you’d never seen before as he slowly lowered his head. when his lips met yours it was warm, deep, and tasting faintly of beer and promises. you kissed him back fervently, pouring all the pent up longing of three years into the moment. his hands roamed your sides eagerly, holding you flush against him as if terrified to let go again.

when you finally parted for air, vinnie rested his forehead against yours, grinning broadly. “so does this mean you’ll be my girl?”

you couldn't help matching his smile, ecstatic joy bubbling up inside you. “yes,” you breathed, cupping his jaw to place another ardent kiss on his lips. “i want to be yours, vin.”

his responding smile was dazzling. taking your hand in his, vinnie leaned down to discard the abandoned half-smoked joint. “come on, let’s get out of here,” he said, threading his fingers through yours and tugging you towards the door.

you followed willingly, heart soaring as vinnie led you through the pulsing party. his bedroom door clicked shut behind you, muffling the sounds of revelry below. alone together at last with nothing left unsaid, you gave in fully to the passion and promise of the night.

vinnie’s kiss seared away any lingering hesitation, hands wandering eagerly as you grazed your palms over his lean torso, still hard despite the late hour. with a gentle nudge, he laid you back against his pillows, lavishing open-mouthed kisses along your jaw and down the sensitive skin of your neck. you sighed blissfully, carding your fingers through his soft curly hair.

his lips were warm and soft, his tongue teasing the shell of your ear, and you shivered with delight. “i love you,” he whispered, voice husky. “i’ve loved you from the moment i first met you.” you smiled into his hair, fingers twining in it.

“i love you too, vinnie.” he grinned, his eyes shining. “then why are we still wearing clothes?” he rolled off you, sitting up to peel off his shirt. you followed suit, tossing yours aside as he pulled off his jeans.

you watched him, breathless, as he stood before you, naked. he was beautiful, every inch of him, and you couldn't wait to explore. you sat up, pulling off your panties, then reached for him, tugging him closer.

you kissed him again fervently, and he moaned into your mouth, his hands roaming over your body. you broke away, eyes dark with desire, and slid your hand between his legs, wrapping your fingers around his hard cock. he gasped, thrusting into your grip.

“oh, fuck, yes,” he groaned, leaning forward to kiss you again. you quickly broke away, a wicked smile playing on your lips, and stood up. you straddled him, lowering yourself onto his waiting cock, sighing with pleasure as he filled you completely.

“fuck, you feel so good,” he murmured, cupping your ass as you rocked your hips against him. your fingers tangled in his hair as you rode him, harder and faster, until you both cried out in ecstasy, collapsing against each other.

you lay there, breathing heavily, his arms wrapped around you. “that was amazing,” you panted. “you’re amazing,” he replied, kissing your neck. you smiled, snuggling closer. “i love you,” you whispered, and he smiled.

“i love you too, baby.”

you fell asleep, content and happy, knowing that you had found the one person who understood you better than anyone else.

[formulapai]

DAY TWENTY : ROOMMATES

OSCAR PIASTRI

PAI’S WORDS: as someone cleaning my whole apartment everyday and sobbing when something is out of place, seeing the videos of his bedroom and how you can’t even SEE THE FLOOR under his clothes is sending me. it’s ok oscar, we all have our flaws AHAHAH

If there is one thing everyone knows, it’s how messy Oscar can get, clothes covering his bedroom’s floor and bathroom cluttered with dozens of products he received for free. Having known him ever since you were in preschool and deciding to move in together when you got accepted in uni, this was something you truly feared at first. You’re polar opposite of him, keeping your place spotless and shining, anxiety gnawing at your insides when the slightest thing is out of place.

But as messy as he can be with his room, the clutter usually following him stays out of the common space, helping you keep it clean and tidy as much as he can. The problem is, he may look calm and collected at all time, he actually gets overwhelmed when exam season is around the corner. Which leads him to not cleaning up his mess, even in your shared space, and spending his days stressing or studying, or both. Second problem is, you get absolutely drowned by your stress too, feeling helpless as waves of anxiety hit you. And as mentioned before, you stressing leads to you cleaning and being even more stressed when there is clutter, something Oscar seems to be leaving everywhere lately.

It was bound to happen, voices getting louder as tears of frustration stream down your face. Your roommate frustratingly paces in the kitchen, putting his hands in his hair as he tries to calm himself down, slowly taking notes of your words and their meaning. Of course, he knows you’re a clean freak, he’s been aware even since he’s met you, many years ago. And he understands your point of view, he really does, but you can’t seem to understand his. Tidying is not how he deals with things, it actually puts more stress on him as he never seems to clean properly, room still messy after hours of tidying.

You know that, you’ve seen it countless of times and helped him with it on multiple occasions too, and you understand where he comes from when he tells you he can’t help it, but he doesn’t seem to make any efforts for her. The two of you aren’t listening to each other and that’s where the problem comes from, neither of you thinking the other understands when it’s far from the truth. You see Oscar take a deep breath, stopping in front of you and gnawing on his bottom lip as he seems to be searching for something to say, a way to express his feelings without being clumsy.

“- I’m sorry, ok ? I am. I know how stressful it gets for you when there are things laying around, but I’m really stressed too and you know it doesn’t come naturally to me-

- I know, Oscar. I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have yelled like that, it wasn’t fair on you. I know it’s complicated for you, but maybe we can do it together ? I really don’t want to do it alone.

- Of course, it’s my mess after all ! Peace ?

- If you order pizza, it’s peace.”

Oscar snorts as you tease in a singsong voice, pulling his phone out of his pocket despite it being originally a joke, knowing fully well the situation is cleared. In the end, the living room is spotless when the food arrives, the two of you settling on the couch and playing on his console.

[astrophileous]

Love Bugs (Pt. 03)

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Female Reader

Synopsis: You and Derek Morgan have an arrangement. At work, your relationship is strictly business. Under the sheets, it's all about pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. Until, of course, your feelings start to get involved. Your situation is complicated enough without the unexpexted predicament that suddenly befalls upon you. But with a maniac serial killer on the loose, will you ever get the chance to make everything right?

Warning(s): pregnancy, brief talk of abortion, stalker behavior, kidnapping, curse words (this shouldn't even warrant a warning at this point lol) pls lmk if I miss anything

Word Count: 2000-ish

Author's Note: told ya the pt 3 would be here sooner than you'd expect! as always, LIKE+COMMENT+REBLOG cause these give me the motivation I need to finish the parts sooner and maybe upload more frequently 👀

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

You always took pride in your ability to predict things correctly. It was one of the best traits that made you a great profiler.

Not this time, though.

This time, your ability to conjure correct predictions just seemed like a big joke that the universe purposefully played out to torture your ass.

The ringtone of your phone's incoming call snapped you back to reality. Without looking at the caller ID, you pressed the green button and brought the device to your ear.

"(Y/L/N) speaking."

"Hey, Beets. Where are you?" came the voice of one Penelope Garcia. "Hotch is looking for you. Are you coming in today?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm coming in. Sorry, it was an emergency. Tell the others I'll be there shortly."

After ending the call, you rushed through the rest of your morning routine as quickly as possible. The three opened boxes on the bathroom sink were thrown into the garbage can in no time. Their contents sitting on the counter, however, required you to pause and contemplate what course of actions you would want to do to deal with the problem at hand.

Upon realizing that this was not the kind of dilemma you could solve in a matter of minutes, you decided to fuck it before dumping the items into the same garbage can.

The three tests with two little pink lines would have to wait.

You had a serial murder case to solve.

If five months ago someone had told you that you'd someday end up carrying the child of Derek Morgan, you would have ordered a psychological evaluation for them right then and there.

The past few days had been a catastrophic turmoil. At first, the irrational anger had devoured you whole. You were this close to calling the company who produced your pills for claiming that they had 99% chance of preventing exactly the kind of mess you were going through from happening. Granted, they had put the minus 1% up there to save face in case anything like this were to ever happen. But what were the chances of you being one of the outliers in that small percentage?

Apparently, a pretty good one.

Then, the panic quickly had taken control and messed up with your head. The endless anxiety of having to bring a child into such a cruel world and bearing the responsibility of raising it, while having witnessed what kind of evil lurked underneath its facade, almost threw you to the brink of insanity. During those moments of fear, you had even entertained the idea of possibly terminating the pregnancy, even going as far as calling the nearest facility to question more about the procedure.

But once the fog had cleared, and you were able to start thinking rationally again, realization soon dawned upon you.

You wanted to keep the baby.

In some curious plot twist, you discovered that the idea of having this baby wasn't as scary as the knowledge of having to face Derek and inform him of the news.

And that was exactly what had been occupying your entire mind: how to break the news to Derek.

You barely even had the guts to talk to him directly anymore. Yet somehow, you had to find a way to tell him that you were pregnant, right to his face, as if you were bringing the news of a new movie that had just premiered in your nearest local theater.

How the hell were you ever going to do that?

And it wasn't like you were worried that Derek wouldn't be supportive about your decision to keep the baby. Even if he was unsupportive, there was nothing he could do to persuade you to change your mind. But Derek--sweet and kindhearted Derek--would never do such a thing. Having lost his father at a very young age himself, there was no way anyone could keep him from taking care of his child, no matter how they came to be in this world.

So, before you could gather your thoughts--and yourself--you had decided to put off telling Derek about your current condition.

"Still nothing, Garcia?" Hotch asked from his place in front of the board.

"I'm so sorry, sir. I've tried everything, but there was nothing else I could uncover from that tape."

The rest of the team was seated around the round table. It had been two weeks since the BAU received the video tape from the UnSub, and Garcia had finally revealed that there was nothing more to be analyzed from the tape despite having only obtained insignificant details out of it.

It also didn't help that the UnSub had been lying dormant since that video was delivered.

"It just doesn't make sense," Rossi said frustratedly. "Why would he stop now? What is he waiting for? This guy gets off on attention. Stopping his theatrics at a time like this doesn't fit his profile at all."

"He must be looking to get his attention from somewhere else," Derek chimed in.

"Yeah, but the question is where?" Reid interjected.

"And what is he planning to do to make sure he gets it?" Hotch let out a long sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Alright, we're not going to stop just because this guy has. Emily, JJ, try interviewing the victims' families, friends, and the witnesses again. See if they suddenly have something useful for us. Morgan and Rossi, follow up on our other leads. Reid--"

"The case files. I know." Reid nodded.

"Right. And (Y/L/N)--" Hotch pinned his stare towards you, "--I need to talk to you. Thank you, everyone. Dismissed."

"Are you in trouble?" Emily leaned in as the rest of the team scattered out of the room.

"Not as far as I know," you whispered.

As you walked the path to Hotch's office, your mind began searching for the possibilities behind Hotch's sudden request to see you privately. You didn't get to guess for too long, though, as you finally arrived in front of his door almost in no time at all.

"Come on in, Agent. Close the door behind you," he commanded. You turned around to nudge the door closed. "Have a seat."

You didn't spend any time beating around the bush once you had sat down.

"Can I ask what this is about?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" Hotch looked at you with a raised eyebrow. "I heard you requested a half day off today."

"I, uh... yes. Yes, I did. Is that why I'm here?"

"No. That is not why you're here." Hotch leaned back against his seat. "You've been distracted lately. You're coming late to work, and you can't seem to focus when you're around."

"I-I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

"You should know that I've received concerns about you from the other members of the team."

What?

"Was it JJ?" you asked. "Because if this is about what happened in the bathroom--"

"It was Garcia, actually."

"Oh."

Hotch looked at you curiously. "What happened with JJ in the bathroom?"

"Nothing, sir. It was nothing."

The next few seconds were drowned in silence. The ticking clock on Hotch's desk became the only sound echoing against the walls. Hotch was examining you as if you were a suspect in the interrogation room, and with how much scrutiny was sizzling inside those eyes, you might as well have been.

"They're not the only ones concerned about you, (Y/L/N)," he spoke carefully. "I've also noticed that you haven't been yourself lately. You seem tired all the time. You look paler every single day." Hotch readjusted his tie before continuing, "I know that what we do here isn't easy. This job, it's not for everyone. Sometimes our limits are much smaller than what we thought it would be, and that's okay. If you'd like to put in a request for a transfer, I'm sure I will be able--"

"Sir," you stopped him before he could go on any further. "I don't want to transfer. I like working here."

"Just because you like working somewhere, it doesn't mean--"

"Hotch," you cut him off once more. "I'm pregnant."

The priceless look on Hotch's face at the sudden drop of your announcement would forever be ingrained in your brain.

"What?"

"I found out two weeks ago." You smiled tentatively. "I've been having severe morning sickness, and my appetite has also not been the best. Probably why I look tired all the time. I didn't mean to let my condition affect my work, I'm sorry."

"No, no. That's... wow. You're pregnant." Hotch started to nod as if the news was just beginning to fully settle upon him. "Congratulations, Agent. That's wonderful news. You are... happy, right?"

You smiled at his considerate question. "I am very much. Yes."

"How far along are you?"

"My guess is eight to ten weeks. I'm not so sure. Today is my first ultrasound, hence why I requested for half a day."

And then, by some unknown piece of miracle, Aaron Hotchner started to laugh. A real, actual laugh that had both of his eyes wrinkling in the corners. You didn't even know that he could do that without Jack around.

"When I called you in here earlier, this isn't exactly how I pictured the conversation would go," he admitted.

"Neither did I."

"Well--" He cleared his throat, "--there's, of course, a few things we need to go over in rumination of your current condition, but I'm sure we can manage that some other time."

"Of course, sir."

"And (Y/L/N)?" You stared at him expectantly. "You can come to me if you ever need anything. You know that, right?"

The sincerity in Hotch's declaration nearly brought you to tears. You immediately tried to blink back the emotions before you could make a mess of yourself in front of your boss.

"Of course, Hotch. Thank you."

You got up from the chair and began walking towards the door. Before your fingers could touch the handle, you decided to turn around once more.

"Hotch?"

"Yes?"

"I would appreciate it if we kept this between us for now."

"Of course, Agent." He nodded. "You have my word."

And with that, you exited Hotch's room before heading back straight to your desk.

A few hours later, you were finally returning home after attending the doctor appointment.

Confirming your earlier prediction, the doctor had put the estimated age of your fetus at around ten weeks. According to the internet, your baby was not larger than the size of a mere apricot. It was nothing more than a tiny blob in the sonogram image, but the sight of it alone somehow made you want to break down in tears.

Before you could turn into a sobbing ball of mess, you decided to put the picture right on the front of your fridge.

"Alright, I think that's--"

Thud.

Your head instinctively whipped around at the mysterious sound.

Without wasting another second, your hand immediately reached for the gun tucked safely in your holster. The tiny footsteps you took sounded deafening in the silence of your apartment. You first checked the bathroom, finding it empty with nothing out of the ordinary. The two bedrooms were pretty much the same. Quiet and a little messy just the way that you had left them that morning.

Sighing, you brushed off your paranoia as a result of your overactive hormons and creeping exhaustion.

When you reemerged from taking a shower nearly an hour later, the feeling of dread once again washed over your entire being.

At first glance, not a single thing in the apartment seemed to be out of place. But somehow, the feeling of another presence in the room was indisputable. Your wet feet slowly moved along the floor, careful as to not make as much sound as possible.

Once you arrived in the kitchen, you took in your surrounding, making sure that things really were staying in the places they should have been in.

You were about to sigh in relief until you saw it.

The sonogram image you previously had glued to the fridge.

It was now lying on the floor.

Before you could have a chance to grab the nearest weapon, the door to the second bedroom behind you suddenly began to creak.

"Boo."

That was the last thing you remembered before everything went dark.

[halsteadlover]

My Warrior

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Pregnant!Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hello! I was wondering if you could do a Jay x pregnant!Reader where she's like in labor but has some complications and almost dies but at the end she is saved ? And Jay is al worried but then he becomes a softy with her being happy 'bout having his daughter/son with them? Angs/fluff, just do it if you want to, if not s'okay.

• Warnings: mention of blood, birth, tiny bit of swearing.

• Word count: 3951.

• A/N: first of all I want to apologize for any grammar error and I’m aware that medically speaking there will be many mistakes but I was too lazy to search it up so bear with me 💀 I hope you’ll like it anyways, comment, like and reblog if you want, it’d be amazing. Thank you for everything and your constant support. I love you all, my inbox is always open if you want to even just talk ❤️

“Jay I think my water just broke.”

From the moment these words came out of your mouth panic set in and if the contractions weren't so painful, you probably would have laughed at the way Jay was running back and forth around the house looking for the bag he had preemptively packed weeks and weeks before.

“Baby where's the bag? Did you see it? I swear I left it here in the bedroom… Oh my god, oh god…” he kept rambling, opening every closet door, even checking under the bed and behind the door.

You approached him just as the contractions stopped and grabbed his arm. “Baby just take it easy, everything will be fine.”

He nodded and took deep breaths as you did so, while you tried not to chuckle. “Okay, okay, I'm fine. Everything will be fine. I’m sorry love, I should be calming you now, how are you feeling now?”.

At the exact moment those words left his lips, a rather intense and painful contraction made you lean forward, your hand squeezing Jay's arm tightly.

“Oh fuck…” you mumbled, eyes closed in pain.

“We’re going to Med's baby, okay? It's okay, it's okay,” Jay whispered, patting your back in comfort but worried sick. He tried to stay as calm as possible, not to go crazy even though he was a complete mess. He couldn't let his emotions get the better of him, you were about to give birth to his child and besides the excruciating pain of the contractions you didn't need to deal with his nervousness.

They prepared you for the childbirth’s pain, how intense the contractions would be, but no pre-natal course, manual or blog would ever really prepare you for how much pain you would have to go through. Your screams echoed throughout the room and you kept praying to God that all that pain would end soon, you just wanted to hug your baby.

Jay never left your side for even a second nor did his hand ever leave yours. He was sitting next to you, you squeezing his hand while he caressed your back even though he figured that gesture didn't help. His stomach was twisted with anxiety, he could hardly believe he was about to finally hug his son, his baby, he couldn’t believe you were about to become a family.

“Please make it stop,” you cried desperately, writhing in the bed.

“I'm so sorry baby, I'd take all your pain if I could,” Jay replied and he meant every single word. He would really rather suffer and take all your pain than see you suffer like that. He hated you were in such an intense pain and he just couldn't do anything to make you better, he hated feeling so useless as he heard the love of his life scream in pain.

“I hate you so fucking much Jay…” you screamed “I swear you’ll never touch me with a fucking finger again!”.

“I know love, it's my fault,” he tried to humor you, stroking your hair.

“And don't say that just to make me happy! I'm not fucking stupid!” anger took over “Stupid fucking men, you have sex, come inside us and we have to suffer like this!”.

Jay tried not to laugh, biting the inside of his cheeks or he knew he’d most likely get killed. He wanted to suffer with you but he cared about his life.

The rest of Jay's team, along with his brother who had been on duty up until then, arrived a couple of hours into your labor but they figured it might not be the time to go in there all together given the way you kept cursing jay and the whole world.

“Okay Y/N here we go. Are you ready to hug your baby?” your gynecologist asked, checking the dilation of your cervix and realizing you were now ready to push.

You nodded and thought it was also time, since you had been in labor for more than twelve hours.

“Is the dad okay? He looks like he saw a ghost,” the gynecologist laughed, noting the pallor of Jay's skin.

“I'm fine, I'm fine, it's finally happening,” he murmured, more to himself than to anyone else.

“Please don't leave me,” you begged, eyes filled with tears and your hand clasped over his.

He kissed your forehead. “I won't leave you baby, don't even say that as a joke. Man, we're about to be parents.”

You nodded smiling through tears. “I'm sorry I told you I hate you, it's not true baby, I love you so much.”

“I know baby, I know,” he kissed your forehead again “I love you so much too.”

Your doctor smiled as she saw the love between you and Jay, the way you looked at each other, the way he kept holding you and comforting you.

Under indication of the doctor, you started to push as you kept thinking you had to hold on, to resist for your baby that you so wanted to hold in your arms, for the little creature you were about to give birth. But you were so exhausted, so damn tired, you didn't know if you'd make it, if you'd hold on much longer.

“Okay now stop pushing, take some deep breaths Y/N, you're doing great,” your gynecologist spoke, and you leaned exhausted into Jay's arms.

“I'm so proud of you baby, so damn proud, I could never do what you're doing,” Jay whispered, kissing your sweaty forehead. He stroked your face, brushing the sticky hair from your forehead and squeezing you like he never did before.

“I can't take it anymore Jay, I'm so tired… I can't take it…” you cried, powerless. Damn it, you never imagined childbirth was such a tiring and exhausting experience.

“Of course you can darling, you're so strong…” he whispered into your ear, kissing your cheek “You're my little warrior. I know you're tired, I know, but you'll rest soon love, one last effort and we can hug our baby okay? Take some deep breaths, can you do it for me baby?”.

You nodded, starting to take deep breaths with him.

When it came time to push again, you really thought you were going to die, a searing pain that felt like it was cutting you in two.

“Very good Y/N, you are amazing, I can see your baby’s little head, we are almost there!” the gynecologist exclaimed “A couple more pushes.”

“You're doing so well baby, I'm so proud of you, one last effort,” Jay said, staring straight ahead as he tried not to pass out at the imagine of the baby’s head coming from inside you.

There was a moment you stopped breathing when your baby was born, the moment you were waiting to hear his cry, which felt like an eternity. It was as if you began to live again when the sound of his crying echoed through the room and you never felt so relieved.

The emotion you felt the moment you first hugged him up was indescribable, a moment that would be etched in your mind for your entire life. You couldn't believe you were finally able to hold him, that he was right there in front of you, healthy and so handsome.

“Our baby,” you whispered, staring at him in awe before returning your eyes to your husband, who, on the other hand, was a walking disaster. He cried all the tears in his system, tears he didn't even know he had and he hadn't felt like this since he saw you walking down the aisle when he was about to marry you.

“Our baby,” he cried, pressing his lips against yours trying to express in that kiss all his gratitude towards you, for giving him the family he had always wanted, a healthy and beautiful son, the love he felt for you.

Jay held you close, his eyes filled with love as he watched the little creature in your arms.

When it was his turn to pick him up he didn't deny he was nervous. He disinfected his hands over and over again, making sure to keep them clean and asking the nurse over and over for reassurance about how he was doing. Of course, he had taken other children in his arms but never so small and his son was so small and fragile he was afraid of accidentally hurting him.

“Hi baby,” Jay greeted his son, who was now stretching in his arms. “You are so handsome buddy, wow, you are definitely a Halstead.”

That comment made you chuckle even though you still felt very weak. You kept watching Jay cuddle your baby in silence until suddenly you broke into a cold sweat.

You brought a hand to your chest, your heart beating so fast it felt like it was about to stop at any moment. You could feel the shortness of breath, your chest rose and fell quickly in an attempt to fill your lungs with air but failing miserably.

Sharp pains ran through your uterus and you couldn't explain why. You were sure what was happening wasn’t normal.

“Jay…” you called him, but your voice was too soft for anyone to hear.

“Y/N? Are you okay? Hey!” Will exclaimed as he looked back at you and noticing the way you were breathing heavily and writhing on the bed. Jay immediately turned to you and his heart nearly stopped in his chest as he saw the state you were in.

Will immediately called for help and nurses quickly arrived, picking up the newborn as Jay was no longer able to hold him.

“What the fuck is going on?! Y/N! Baby!” exclaimed Jay, approaching you but a nurse prevented him, trying to keep him at bay. “Let me go! She's wife! What the hell is going on?!” Jay kept exclaiming loudly.

Will had placed an oxygen mask over your face to help you breathe and his eyes widened as he noticed the huge pool of blood at your belly.

“Call the OR immediately and warn Rhodes we're on our way!” Will ordered under the gaze of his brother who continued to yell at the nurse who prevented him from approaching you.

“Where is my baby?” you whispered, feeling increasingly weak and powerless.

“He's fine, he's safe,” Will reassured you.

“Jay?”.

“I'm here baby, I'm here, it's okay, just hold on for me,” Jay replied quickly and god the relief you felt to hear his voice.

Jay pushed the nurse away, almost making him fall, and ran to your bedside, immediately taking your hand and stroking your hair. “Everything will be fine baby, you'll be fine, don't you dare play tricks on me, you understand me?”.

You wanted to answer but your voice didn’t come out. The lights began to dim, the sounds and noises distant, as you began to drift into shadows and darkness.

“Y/N? Baby? Y/N!” Jay exclaimed in despair when he realized you passed out, no longer responding to any stimulus.

“Jay we need to go to the OR immediately, there's no time to waste,” Will warned after checking your pulse and realizing it was there but it was rather weak. Jay reluctantly let go of your hand and in a hurry they carried you and your bed into the operating room.

Jay walked out of the room, his eyes following you, desperate and in tears.

“Jay what is going on? Where are they taking her?” Kim asked urgently, approaching with the rest of the team when they noticed the commotion that had arisen.

“I…I…” he stammered tearfully, having no idea what the hell had just happened. He was in shock and his mind kept racing on possible scenarios.

“Jay, man, it's okay, take a deep breath,” Kevin walked over to him placing his hands on his shoulders. “What happened?”.

“They're taking her to the OR… She was fine and then she started bleeding… I… I didn't even realize she was feeling bad…” he cried, as the image of you immersed in a puddle of your own blood gasping for air gripped his mind.

“Will! Where is she? Is she okay?”.

Jay was in the waiting room with the rest of the team supporting him. Will joined him, his heart in a vise as he saw the state of anxiety and concern his brother was in.

“Rhodes is still operating her, she lost too much blood but they gave her transfusions and managed to stabilize her,” Will explained “She went into cardiac arrest but they managed to revive her.”

“What? Cardiac arrest?” Jay asked shocked. It couldn't be true, it must all be a nightmare.

How was it possible that you had just given birth to your baby and were now in the operating room fighting for your life.

“Due to the copious bleeding, her blood pressure was very low and the values plummeted. But she's stable now Jay, do you hear me? They pinpointed the source of the bleeding and stopped it.”

“But what happened? Why did she start bleeding? I swear if it was the gynecologist's fault I'll kill that bitch!” Jay exclaimed angrily.

“No Jay, it's not her fault, no one could’ve predicted it, there was a laceration of the birth canal, it's a complication that unfortunately can happen.”

Jay ran his hands over his face in frustration, feeling distract by everything that was going on. He pulled away feeling suddenly overwhelmed by events, as if he was losing every ounce of strength.

“Jay, listen to me brother,” Will joined him then placing a hand on his shoulder “Y/N is strong, she'll make it, you know she's in good hands. How about I walk you to the maternity ward to go meet little Halstead and I’ll go back to the OR? I will update you on everything that happens.”

Jay felt terribly guilty about what had happened because he felt like he had abandoned his son when he needed him instead.

“Hey little man” Jay whispered after picking up his son “I am so sorry I disappeared so suddenly but mum has been feeling unwell and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

He tried to hold back the tears, still praying with every fiber of his being for your recovery.

“She'll be fine I'm sure, your uncle Will is with her now and he'll be back soon okay?” he kept cradling his baby gently in his arms, never taking his eyes off him for even a second.

“You and mom are my life you know that right? The best thing that ever happened to me, seriously buddy I don't know how I would’ve ended if I hadn't met your mum,” he spoke, as if little Halstead could understand him “I still remember when I first met her: it was a rather particular first meeting because it was when in a moment of distraction, at a traffic light, she rear-ended me with the car. She's always been so clumsy, I hope you don't get that from her,” he chuckled “Anyway, she had rear-ended me, she got out of the car and started apologizing furiously, wrote her name and number on a piece of paper telling me she would pay every cent of the damage. I wasn't even mad, God, she was so beautiful, the way she babbled and stuttered, I think I was captivated by her from the start. I didn't care about my car, I just wanted to see her again and that's why I called her back the next day with the excuse of an agreement. I asked her out that same day and well… the rest is history,” he smiled as his mind replayed the memories of your first date, of the first moments you spent together, “I understood right away I was going to marry that woman, that I would’ve never been able to even look at another person who wasn't her. I don't know what she did to me, but dear god, I still love her like I did many years ago and now you're here little one… Shit, I don't think I could be happier than this…”

He took a moment to look at his son, to admire the creature you and him created together..

When he met you never in his life he would’ve thought of loving someone as much as he loved you, he thought his heart would not have been able to welcome another love but, God, seeing that little angel in his arms, his son, he felt completely overwhelmed by the love that little boy only a few hours old had made him feel.

“I already love you so much buddy, more than anything in the world and I swear I will give my life to protect you and your mommy, to keep you safe from this sometimes so cruel world,” he whispered “Don't say mom I said a bad word in front of you or she'll kill me,” he giggled, sniffling as he continued to cry. “You know, you're so lucky to have a mom like her. She is the kindest, purest, most selfless person I've ever met in my life, and I already know she’ll give all of herself to make you happy. It will be a bit tough, I won't deny it, there will be misunderstandings and I ask your forgiveness for when this will happen. Parents aren't perfect, damn little man, mine were the furthest thing from perfect, but never forget we love you more than our own lives, that nothing will ever be more important than you, and that everything we do, even if you disagree with us, will be for your good. I promise I’ll try so hard to be the father that mine wasn’t for me and I’m sorry for when I’ll be wrong, I hope you’ll be able to understand my love.”

“Oh my baby I need your mom so much now…” he continued in a sigh that ended in a sob. He felt a void so deep and painful, a void only you could fill. Jay couldn't exist in a world where you weren't in, a world where he was supposed to get up in the morning and you weren't lying asleep next to him. You were the only person in the world who really knew him, who knew his secrets, his deepest fears, you were the only person who made him happy, who could understand his moods with just a glance, the only one who could pick up his pieces and put them back together when the world seemed to tear him apart.

Jay spent the next two hours with his son, feeding him with the nurses’ help while Will updated him every twenty minutes on the progress of your surgery.

“Jay,” Will called back to his brother who was sitting next to his son’s crib, “The surgery is over, everything went well.”

Jay almost had a heart attack with joy, and taken by the impetus of the moment he ran to his brother and gave him a warm hug. Will smiled and returned that hug.

“Where is she? Is she fine? When can we see her?” he asked frantically.

“You couldn't, but I know nothing and no one is going to stop you so you go but only for ten minutes, am I understood?”.

He nodded, a toothy smile plastered on his face. “I promise.”

“I'll take care of him,” Will answered the unspoken question of his brother, who kept alternating his gaze between his child and Will.

“Don't you dare leave him alone okay?”.

“Don’t you know me at all brother? Now go, I want to spend some time alone with my beautiful little nephew, I haven't had the chance to say hello yet.”

“Thank you so much Will, you’re the best.”

You tried to open your eyes but the blinding light of the room forced you to close them.

It took you some time before they got used to it while instead your mind retraced the events that happened.

You felt groggy from the anesthesia and medications so it took you a while to realize you were in a hospital room.

What happened?

I gave birth.

Where is my baby? Is he fine?

You tried to lift yourself up, failing miserably when you felt a sharp pain go through your abdomen.

“No, no, no, stay still baby don't try to get up,” you felt someone caressing your arms and a voice that you immediately recognized belonged to your husband. You turned your head towards him and it was so nice to see him again.

“What happened? Where is my baby? Tell me he's okay.”

Jay hugged you, being careful not to hurt you or put too much weight on you. “He's fine, he's with Will now,” Jay explained in a low voice “I was so scared Y/N.”

You hugged him back, inhaling his scent deeply.

“You had an uterine hemorrhage… You had a surgery…” he continued but suddenly stopped. You were about to speak when you heard a soft sob and at that point you realized he was crying.

“Hey, hey, baby, look at me,” you whispered, pulling away from the hug only to then gently place your hands on his face now streaked with tears, “I'm fine my love, everything was fine. Please don't cry.”

“I was so scared of losing you,” he whispered “I don't know what I would’ve done without you…”

You kissed him, pressing your lips against his in a kiss with which you tried to express all the love you felt for him and to calm him down.

“You will never get rid of me Mr. Halstead.”

He giggled through tears. “Don't even joking about that Mrs Halstead, I can't even imagine living in a world where you are not in. Don't ever do that to me again do you hear me? You made me worry to death.

“Okay, I'll try not to bleed out next time,” you laughed, but a twinge of pain made you stop. “Damn it hurts.”

“I'm sorry baby,” he kissed your forehead, stroking your hair as he did “You were so strong today my little warrior, try to rest now you deserve it.”

“I want to see my baby, can you bring him here?”.

“Sure love, I'll tell Will.”

You began to cry when you picked up your son, venting all the fear, tension and worry that had overwhelmed you that day. Nonetheless, however, it was worth it. All the morning sickness, the sleepless nights, the perennial back pain, the wrenching and debilitating contractions, you would’ve done it all over again just to be able to see that little face again for the first time.

After Will said goodbye and left you and Jay alone, he sat on the bed right next to you, grinning like an idiot as he saw his son's mother and his baby together. God, he couldn't have made a better choice for the mother oh his kids.

“Look at him baby, he's so handsome,” you whispered, still looking at your little boy.

Jay put an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close as he planted a kiss on the top of your head. “He got it from his mom.”

He brought his free hand close to the little ones of his child and his heart exploded with joy when that little hand grabbed his index finger, squeezing it.

“Thank you for giving me the best gift I could ever ask for, I love you so much baby,” Jay spoke softly, promising himself he would do everything in his power to return this gift and love you with everything he had but also realizing not even a lifetime would be enough to make up for the blessing you gave him. A family.

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[taintedcigs]

✦ CHEER FOR ME | e.m. x cheerleader!reader ✦

summary — Eddie is not happy to see you with Jason, and he decides to teach you a lesson (basically fwb where you are the popular cheerleader reader)

pairing — eddie munson x f! cheerleader reader

warnings — SMUT SMUT. MINORS DNI !!!!! NO MINORS!!! mentions of drug use, cheating?? (its kinda brushed over sorry omg), unprotected sex, degradation and praise kink at the same time, possessiveness, eddie is VERY possessive and he is kinda mean?? slight breeding kink, rough sex, bj, cursing ofc.

a/n — NOT PROOFREAD i am vv lazy I am sorry. pls let me know if you enjoyed this and my requests are open for stranger things rn! send me steve/eddie requests pls <;33

Neither you or Eddie knew how you had ended up in this mess of a thing you weren’t even sure if you could call a relationship.

It had started with you needing extra “help” which usually came in the shape of a blunt to cope with your anxiety, the deals in the forests turned into you meeting him in his van, which turned into a quick fuck session.

The social outcast and the popular cheerleader of the Hawkins, you had to laugh at the irony.

The two of you still kept your façade about hating each other when in school and public, especially considering how you were still dating Jason, the popular jock and “the new King Steve but more of an asshole version”  which Eddie had named him.

You knew cheating on him was an awful thing, but the thing that started this between you and Eddie was him in the first place, you had found out he had been cheating on you and that’s why you ended up meeting with Eddie after hearing about the fact that he was dealing.

The relationship you had with Jason was pretty cliché, the classical asshole jock who cheats on his girlfriend and is toxic, which leads to an unhealthy and unstable relationship.

You knew you had to break up with him at some point because of how he treated you, Eddie encouraged you almost a hundred times, but you never got the actual courage to do it, too scared to be alone, and too scared to face what was actually happening with Eddie.

And things really were complicated with Eddie, you had hated him and he had hated you because of the social hierarchy in school, which lead to the intense sexual tension and the eventual friends with benefits (and enemies) status you two had now.

But it had shifted over the two months you two had spent together, because of how different from Jason he was, and how he would slip out caring words, and shower you with love secretly.

You slipped out of your trance at the presence next to you, turning your head, you met with Eddie’s smirk, and tried to drag him away from the crowd.

“Do you not remember the rules?” You asked quietly looking around, and Eddie gave you a careless shrug.

“I did, but then again I didn’t care.” He gave you a smile that created a crease in his cheeks, and you almost caught yourself giggling over how cute he is.

You narrowed your eyes, “It’s game night.” You announced pointing to your pom pom’s and Eddie gave you a genuine smile, still shrugging.

“Jason’s here Munson, what if he sees us?” You asked worriedly.

“Relax, sweetheart, if Jason were that smart, he would have actually caught us months ago.” He gave you a smirk.

“Y/N?” A voice caused you stop dead in your tracks, you wished you could disappear, but you faked a smile as you turned around to meet Jason.

“Jason! I was just looking for you.” You said in a high-pitched voice as you dragged him away from Eddie, but he was following right behind you.

“What are you doing with that freak?” Jason asked, his face stern.

“Oh, nothing he just mumbled something about if I wanted the drugs for the party or something…” You murmured waving your hand away to ease Jason’s worries, but it seemed to worsen.

“That freak really has the nerve…” He muttered under his breath as he turned around to call out for Eddie.

“Hey, you want something freak?” He asked nudging your shoulder to support him as your eyes widened.

You looked up at Eddie who was smirking and you knew you were going to kill him for this.

“Yeah, freak!” You added on stumbling over your words almost, as Eddie’s smirk faltered for a split second, and you knew you would be in trouble later for it.

He walked off flipping Jason but he gave you a one last glance, one that meant that he was going to deal with you later, and your thighs rubbed together just at the thought.

“That fucking freak, I swear to god I’m going to kill him!” Jason raised his voice in anger and you turned around to face him as you placed your hands on his cheek, shushing him softly to calm him down.

“Hey… it’s fine, just focus on the game.” You murmured, he shut off his eyes for a second to calm down.

“Thanks, babe.” He replied giving you a quick kiss, and you felt the guilt set in. What you were doing was wrong.

Jason muttered something about getting ready for the game and as soon as he left, your eyes locked with Eddie’s and he did not look happy.

His eyes were burning red as his fists were collected on his sides, gripping.

You gulped as you went back to the other cheerleaders.

-

After the game ended Jason offered you a ride to the after party, wanting to celebrate their win, but you told him you would come later because you had to stop by home.

The crowd cleared quietly and almost no one was left at the Hawkins school when you went to the locker room to gather your things, as you were in the locker room gathering your things you heard a low tsk, which made you turn around.

“Freak? Really, princess?” The sight of Eddie put you at ease as you slowly walked over him.

“Look, Eddie, I’m really sorry-”

“I don’t think sorry is going to cut this one, sweetheart.” Eddie interrupted a slight smirk planted on his face.

“Calling me a freak with your little jock asshole plaything?” He asked taking a slight step towards you.

“He’s not my play thing, Eddie. He’s my boy-” You were interrupted once again.

“Boyfriend, huh?” He chuckled. “That’s rich.” He took another step quickly, and pinned you against the nearest locker.

“Where was this boyfriend when I was fucking your brains out last week?” He asked, his fingers caressing your cheek and you sucked in a breath at his hot breath fanning against your face.

“Where was this boyfriend when you were begging me to let you cum, as your tight cunt was milking my cock, princess?” You gulped at his words, thighs rubbing together as he knew he had you now.

“Already wet for me, sweets?” He asked sweetly as his fingers drooped down slowly to your tiny cheerleader skirt, allowing him access, pretty quickly.

He let out a low groan as he felt your tight cunt easily under your skirt, no underwear in sight.

“What a little slut.” He purred and you melted into his touch.

“No underwear, and you insult me with your boyfriend?” He asked.

“I think my little cheer slut needs to learn some manners.” He tsked and you looked up at him doe eyed.

“Tell me, sweetheart.” Eddie’s voice was dripping with lust and it made you even wetter.

His touch on your clit was soft but it quickly turned rough as he gave you a slight flinch smirking at the noises you made.

“Can that little asshole make you this wet just by his words?” He whispered coming close against your ear, leaving sloppy kisses on your neck.

“You’re fucking soaked.” He purred against your ear, as he pushed his thick fingers inside of you, the coldness of his rings adding another layer of pleasure.

He almost groaned felt you clench around him almost immediately as his hands were gliding in and out of you easily.

“Eddie… please” The words slipped past your lips as you were already too out of it.

“Tell me, princess. Can that little asshole make you fall apart with his one touch like this?” His voice was harsh as he kept a rigid stance

“No, no…” You muttered, he looked up at you widening his eyes, wanting you to speak up.

 “No.. no. Only you... Eddie…” You said barely, unable to form coherent sentences, which made Eddie’s smirk wider.

And his teasing didn’t stop as he out of nowhere slipped his fingers out of you, and you groaned at the emptiness inside of you.

“Eddie-“ You were about to whine but he shushed you quickly, “Oh, you didn’t think it would be that easy would it, princess?” He questioned and you pouted.

Normally he would do anything if you gave him that look and that oh-so-cute pout, but he knew you deserved some punishment.

He took off his pants in an instant while handling your clothes with roughness, you gasped as his hands started massaging your breasts.

He was left in his boxers when you attempted to rub him through it, but he was quick to slap it away. He chuckled lowly.

“Not so fast, princess.” You were confused as you looked up at him, and he slowly took off his boxers, his painful erection sprung free as he hissed, his hot tip pointing towards you as you licked your lips.

He didn’t even had to tell you anything when you just got down on your knees and Eddie gave you a humorous chuckle.

“Look at my little cheer slut, so eager to have a cock on her mouth.” He teased, and you looked up at him innocently.

“Do you want my cock in your mouth, sweets? Do you want my cum coating your pretty little throat?” You almost groaned at the thought nodding heavily.

“Open.” He ordered as you obliged, mouth gaping when Eddie shoved his length down your throat without hesitation, the contact of your soft mouth swallowing him whole made him let out a low groan.

“Such a little slut…” He murmured as he gripped the back of your head to help with his movements, shoving himself deeper into your mouth.

“Dumb little baby… taking me so well.” He praised as the room filled with the sound of skin slapping and the way you choked on Eddie’s dick.

Eddie finished off after a few more thugs at your hair and his eyes rolled in the back of his head as he threw his head back, his warm cum coated your mouth, strings shooting out more than he could possibly imagine.

You swallowed proudly and Eddie held you to stand you up and you melted in his touch again.

“Now it’s time for you to remember who you belong to huh?” He teased again, and you nodded happily, missing the way Eddie’s huge cock filled your insides.

You were surprised to see his length harden with one innocent look gave him, his tip leaking with precum and seemingly red again.

You licked your lips at the sight and another smirk planted onto Eddie’s face, he takes a few pumps to his aching cock as his eyes trail over the sight in front of him.

You look fucked out already with just sucking him off, saliva dripping from your chin and he swears it’s the prettiest you have ever looked.

“Fucking Jason thinking he can have what’s mine.” He swears under his breath as his other hand flies to your clit to give it a tight pinch.

“That’s all mine, sweetheart, isn’t that right?” He questions eyeing you. You nod quickly.

“Need your words, doll.” He pinches harder, earning a low whimper from your sweet lips which are covered with his taste.

“N-need you so bad Eddie.” You murmur.

“Need that huge cock inside of me… fillin’me up!” You add with an innocent smirk.

A growl almost comes out of his mouth with your words as he guides his red angry tip at your waiting aching cunt. He throws his head back in ecstasy at the feeling and whimpers leave your mouth quickly.

He slowly taps your thighs, “Up.” He commands lowly and you obey immediately, wrapping your thighs around him to allow him a deeper access to you.

Before you can process it he is sheathing himself deeping inside your cunt, filling you to the brim, and your eyes are rolled back into your head.

He doesn’t give you any time to process when he starts pounding into you harder, his thick cock stretching you as much as he can while you feel so full.

“Little dumb slut… thinking I don’t own this tight little cunt.” He curses. You hum peacefully, and in a euphoric state, loving the way his cock is stretching you and filling you to the brim.

“Dumb lil’ baby all she needed was my cock filling her up, huh?” He pounds you harder against the walls and you whimper.

“Y-yes… Eddie… I love the way you fill me up, mmm.” His head fell back at your words, enjoying having the power to ruin you completely.

“And what about Jason, huh?” He asked out of anger, his hands gripping onto your tights in a rough manner, his eyes were fiery as they bored into yours.

“Jason is a fucking idiot… he could never fuck me like this.” You say barely, too cock drunk to form better sentences.

Eddie gives you a slight chuckle. “Atta girl.” He fastens his pace as you grunt at his movements.

“Look at you sweetheart, so cock drunk that you can barely form words, huh?” He asks as you nod simply.

He gaves you a quick peck reminding you of how caring he is for you, and you give him a slight smile, while pretty whimpers leave your lips.

“You look so pretty being ruined completely by my cock.” He purred, pushing his hips against you further.

“L-love the way you feel inside me…” You murmur as Eddie lets out a groan at your words sliding further into your already soaked cunt.

He lets out a guttural groan at the way your pleasure mixed with pain stance, as he watches his cock disappear into you fully, your hands wrap around his back as you cling onto him.

He notices and plunges harder into you, as more whines slip past your lips. “I- I can’t do it anymore, n-need to cum...” You whine but Eddie tsks.

“You can hold it in, baby.” He murmurs, not faltering with his movements.

“Eddie… please.” You plead.

“Shh, baby, you can handle it.” He murmurs, shushing you as his voice is laced with darkness, and you know he has that devilish smirk on his lips.

He groans as he can’t get enough of your tight soaked count. “Needed this so badly, baby.”

“Needed to stuff this tight cunt to the brim, show you who owns it.” A dark grin plastered on his face he slips out of you momentarily while you gasp, you have no time to process when he pounds himself inside your walls in a glorious thrust once again, and incoherent but euphoric screams leave your mouth.

Eddie watches in glory, wants nothing more than to take some pictures of you in this state, all fucked out, being stuffed by his cock, and eyes rolled so far back in your head.

“Eddie, please...” You whimper. “I need to c-cum!” You add on, sobbing into his shoulder as your nails dig into his back.

“Beg.” He commands simply as you plead to him, babbling about how much you need to come mixed with low whimpers as you can barely form words.

And with that Eddie decides he has had enough of punishing you, and he wants to see the beautiful face you make when you finally climax.  

“Cum for me sweets.” He announces as you moan, and cum around his cock, gasps and praises to Eddie slip past your lips, he watches this sight in glory.

His movements don’t falter but you know he’s also close because of how he usually comes after you, as he can barely stand the sounds that leave your lips let alone the sight of your pretty face as you cum.

He knows he is close as animalistic groans leave his lips, he loves the way your tight pussy is swallowing him whole as his hands have a tighter grip on you.

He pounds himself harder inside of you, using your tight cunt in a way that he wants to.

“My little cheer slut takin’ me so good.” He praises and you look into his eyes proudly.

“Need you to cum Eddie…” You murmur. “Need you to cum inside me and fill me with your cum…” You add on and that is the last straw for Eddie.

His grip on your thighs is surely going to leave a bruise as he lets out a groan, profanities slipping past his soft lips as he praises you about how good you were.

Eddie finally came yelling a “Fuck!”, releasing his warm seeds within your waiting cunt, filling your tight cunt to the brim, he slips out of you happily.

He watched the sight in front of him as you stood there when his cum slowly dripped out onto your thighs, and he gloriously looked at you.

In a swift movement, he forced his cum back into your aching cunt, and you gasp in surprise, loving the feeling of being stuffed with Eddie’s warm cum.

You look at him sheepishly as the two of you finally come down from your highs and he helps you sit (barely) and helps you to get dressed.

He hurries to get you up and going, and you look at him confused, “Where are we going in such a hurry?” You ask, looking up to his eyes innocently.

Eddie gives you a dark smirk “You’re going to break up with that jerk, and tell him who really owns you.” He replies to your confused state, his eyes fiery and possessive.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Writing prompts! I'm sending them individually to make it easier to answer all or a few or none of them. They all turned out to be LU in Healthcare oops

When Hyrule is on a call and the patient is awake and alert enough to be scared, how does he help?

EMS calls had phases to them.

The first phase, of course, was getting dispatched, and responding to the scene. It was typical for emotions to run high immediately, for the adrenaline to spike, and everyone reacted differently. Hyrule usually ran scenarios through his head, easing his own anxiety by preparing himself based on the dispatch information. It wasn’t much, especially since dispatch could have faulty details, and he was more than happy to wing it… but it kept his mind preoccupied.

Mo’s usual response was to get aggravated. He would judge the dispatch information, would get irritated whenever a driver messed up and did something reckless. The man’s compassion was quiet and immense, but his stress came out in snappish quips directed at situations and nonexistent people.

The third phase began with their arrival. This was usually when they would figure out what they were actually dealing with.

A dispatch for chest pain meant Mo drove and Hyrule led. The secondary indicated a male in his 40s with severe chest pain and difficulty breathing. It couldn’t really get more cut and dry than that, Hyrule supposed. They had to drive to the central train station, which complicated matters. Hyrule had to agree as Mo grumbled about the situation - he hated crowded scenes.

As the pair walked inside with a stretcher loaded with supplies, they were directed to a secluded area, which surprised Hyrule. He was far more accustomed to people bunching up to stare, getting in his way and making his skin crawl. Instead, they were ferried into a small room, and Hyrule’s senses immediately went on alert at the sight of security guards.

He supposed one of the security members was the patient, then.

But no, because it was clear who the patient was, and his lack of security uniform was not the first thing Hyrule noticed. It was his grayish complexion, the sweat beading his forehead, the scrunched up expression of focus and agony fighting for control. It was the way the man was carefully rocking back and forth between leaning back and clutching his chest and leaning forward to open his airway because he couldn’t breathe. It was how silent he was, eyes piercing through the table in front of him as he fought with all his might with how he was feeling.

This man was sick.

Mo sensed it too, and immediately started to guide the stretcher in time with Hyrule as they reached the patient. Mo prepped the monitor to get the man’s vital signs and do an EKG to look at his heart while Hyrule assessed him and spoke to him.

“Hello, sir,” he greeted, eyes looking the man over. “What’s going on?”

“These gentlemen are being too dramatic,” the man wheezed, sharp eyes burning into the security guards. “I’m fine.”

The statement was so ludicrous even Mo stopped what he was doing to throw the patient a look.

“You sure don’t look fine,” Hyrule noted.

“That’s what we said,” one of the guards piped up. “His friend called us over because he nearly collapsed.”

Hyrule glanced around. “Where’s your friend?”

“I told him to get on the damn train,” the patient grumbled. “Which is where I should be.”

“Let’s make sure you’re okay first,” Hyrule advised him. “It won’t do you any good to board that train if you die before you reach your destination.”

Given the man’s attitude, Hyrule expected some kind of scoff or angry response, but instead, the man bit his lip, showing fear. A pang of sympathy went through the paramedic, and he put his hand on the man’s shoulder. “Let’s just see what’s going on, okay?”

The man watched him a moment, saying nothing, eyes searching for something, and then he squeezed them shut, chin tilting down as he nodded.

“When did this start?”

The patient hesitated before answering. “It’s been going on for an hour or two. Just got much worse when were climbing the stairs.”

Alarm bells continued to ring in Hyrule’s mind as he listened. Time is heart tissue repeated over and over. He felt his own heart beat faster as the monitor collected information.

HR 118. BP 92/44 with a MAP of 60. RR 28, SpO2 89%, and the EKG…

ST elevation. Leads II and III, with reciprocal depression in V4. Shit.

This man was having a heart attack. He’d been having one, and he was going into shock.

“Sir, it looks like you’re having a heart attack,” Hyrule informed him as he and Mo moved into action, getting him oxygen through a nasal cannula that could also read capnogrpahy, moving bags off the stretcher so they could quickly get him on it. “Have you had one before? What kind of medical history do you have?”

The patient watched him a moment, growing paler, and then he squeezed his eyes closed yet again, trying to calm himself. “I smoke. Nothing else. Doc mentioned high blood pressure during the last exam, but he said cut the cigarettes and the stress. Didn’t need meds yet. I don’t take anything.”

“Any medical allergies?”

“No.”

“Have you taken anything for this pain?”

“Aspirin,” the man answered with a huff. “I started carrying it just in case.”

“Good thing,” Hyrule commented, patting him on the shoulder lightly. “We’re going to take good care of you, okay?”

Mo had the stretcher ready and in front of them, with the monitor behind the back of the cot. Hyrule shoulder the go bag and oxygen tank while assisting the patient to stand, pivot, and sit. The less strain on his struggling heart, the better.

Security helped clear a path for them as they moved quickly. Hyrule already had his phone in hand, telling the ER to call a STEMI alert. Once they were inside the ambulance, Mo helped Hyrule secure everything and then quickly went up front to drive them out of there. Hyrule grabbed defibrillator pads, placing them on the man’s chest.

“Are those necessary?” The man asked, far more out of fear and dread than anything else.

Hyrule tried to find a balance, tried to reassure the poor man as he moved. “They’re just a precaution. Right now I don’t see a big indication for them, but I like to be ready.”

As he moved on to start an IV, he worked on trying to distract the man. His oxygen saturation had improved with the oxygen, but his blood pressure was still low. Too low for nitroglycerin, which was contraindicated in an inferior MI anyway. Hyrule didn’t have many treatment options, and he hated that. He’d tentatively give fluids. The MAP was still survivable, but barely.

“You from Castle Town?” He asked with a small smile as he put the tourniquet on the man’s arm.

“No. Well. I was.” The man answered, watching him work before swearing under his breath and staring at the ceiling. “I’m supposed to be going home. This was my break from work.”

Hyrule struggled a bit to comment on that. He tried, “Well, once the hospital patches you up, you’ll be able to go home in better condition than you would’ve.”

“You mean alive,” the man remarked bitterly, huffing, “God certainly does like to fucking test me. But if he doesn’t kill me, my wife and daughter will.”

Hyrule was about to ask about them, but the patient picked up on his attempt and waved him off. “Please, just do what you need to do.”

Hyrule obliged him, thankful for the silence to focus. He got the 18G IV in the man’s forearm—for being a smoker he had very good veins and toned arms. He at least kept in shape in that regard.

As Hyrule ran out of things to do aside from observe, he grabbed his computer to collect information. He got the man’s name and date of birth, home address, basic medical information. He called the hospital and updated them.

Mo got them to the ED in record time. The pair quickly unloaded the stretcher and went inside, where charge told them to go to one of the major rooms. A group of three or four people was waiting for them, including Warriors and Legend and Twilight and an emergency physician, as well as a cardiologist. Hyrule gave his report quickly as they moved the patient and wished the man luck.

As he exited, he sighed, feeling the tension drain out of his body. They got him there alive. That was a victory. He hoped the hospital could help him.

“Hey Rulie!”

Hyrule turned and smiled as he saw Wild. “Hey! I thought you weren’t released to go back to work until next week?”

“Eh, I passed the last exam with flying colors,” Wild shrugged with a satisfied smirk. “I heal pretty well, you know.”

The crash flashed in his mind again. The blood. Wild’s broken body. Hyrule’s smile grew a little strained. “Please don’t strain yourself.”

“I won’t,” his friend replied sincerely. “I promise.”

Movement caught his eye, and Hyrule looked beyond to see Warriors and Twilight pushing the stretcher with his patient into the hall, likely heading for the cath lab. He was honestly surprised he himself hadn’t been directed to take the patient there directly.

Wild turned as well to look. “You brought him in?”

“Yeah,” Hyrule answered quietly as the man caught sight of him, pained, tired eyes scanning him before stopping at his companion.

The man jolted up, nearly ripping out an IV in the process. Hyrule jumped, startled, and watched Twilight fight the man to lie back down. He stepped forward, eager to help and soothe the man, who had mostly been reasonable for him. Wild stayed frozen in place.

“Abel, it’s okay,” Hyrule assured him. “They’re gonna help you.”

“L—Link—” the man said, arm reaching beyond Hyrule.

How did he know his…?

He wasn’t talking to Hyrule, was he?

Hyrule turned hesitantly, and saw that Wild was nearly paler than the patient. His eyes were glazed over in that familiar look, that look that the medic knew now to recognize.

Hyrule quickly went to his friend while Warriors and Twilight both held down the patient, who was hurried out of the ED while breathlessly saying all their names over and over and over, his voice growing steadily weaker.

[becauseimanicequeen]

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Unknown ep. 7

I’m going into this episode expecting more emotional pain. That’s all.

Oh, lord, all the things Yuan prepared for Qian before he left… No one can say that Yuan didn’t do his utmost to make life easier for Qian.

Qian closing the door to Yuan’s room could be a symbol for so many things. The closing of a chapter, the shutting out of complicated feelings, not wanting to be reminded of the big hole in their family of three, etc., etc.

So, it’s been a year (or two) already.

Look at all those empty beer cans around Qian. He’s not even trying to convince everyone he’s okay. San Pang looks worried, too.

The mood is definitely somber. And, no wonder. They’re missing a caring, soft-spoken Yuan. He’s a 180+ cm big piece missing from their family puzzle.

If Qian knew how his avoidance of doing things with Lili is giving her and San Pang the space to develop their relationship…

Fuck, the anxiety Yuan must’ve been feeling, being on the other side of the planet as Qian passed out like that.

Qian will avoid answering the question of whether he has feelings for Yuan for as long as he possibly can. And no wonder, considering his childhood trauma. If anything, he needs help. As in professional help. I don’t know what it’s like in Taiwan, but there’s a possibility he wouldn’t be able to afford it. So, it’s going to be interesting to see how he will face his demons and deal with his trauma.

It’s not even 10 minutes into the episode, and I’m already tearing up. I love this. Give me more pain.

No one can convince me that Qian doesn’t miss Yuan with his whole fucking being.

The dust on Yuan’s desk. No one’s been caring for that room since he left. Better to just avoid it like all the complicated feelings. Just sweep it under the rug.

Well, if it isn’t an astronaut and a cactus. All that’s missing is the duck… (Why am I joking when I should be crying? It’s called detachment.)

Yuan’s letter broke my heart.

That’s so true. We are the ones that make things complicated.

Look at Qian giving Yuan’s room some love.

And we’re in 2023 now.

Damn, Qian’s reaction to that phone call… The first thing Qian asks Yuan is how he’s been, while Yuan asks about everything except directly asking Qian how he’s been. It’s all about how things are at home, at work, and about Lili, but he doesn’t ask directly about Qian. The way Qian cut that call shortly after that… Did he feel hurt?

And then he basically invited Yuan to come back home.

Lili's reaction to how clean the house was when she came back made me cackle.

That’s Yuan opening the door, right?

I don’t know why grown men getting this drunk is so embarrassing to me. But it is.

AND HERE HE COMES! YUAN IS BACK!

Yuan is so fucking fine!

Am I the only one who’s anxious that they’re not wearing seat belts?

The way I cackled at Lili's comment about Qian hugging the toilet more times than he’s hugged her.

Look how happy Qian is at having his family back!

This was another great episode. It contrasted the somber mood at the beginning against the happier vibe at the end, now that all three of them are back together, very well. I also love that they fell back into their old family dynamic (Qian being a mess while Yuan takes care of him, Yuan and Lili arguing, etc.) even though they’ve been apart for years.

Also, the preview for the next episode was fire. I can’t wait.

[jackharloww]

"through thick and thin” 

TW: depressive thoughts, anxiety. 

The first weeks after giving birth to Gracie were hard; having a newborn baby was not easy. The sadness and emptiness I felt every day only complicated everything. The first days I was so excited about it all, but then came the nervousness of being a mom, and with that followed the anxiety. I thought it was baby blues and would go away after a week, but with Grace’s colic and all the hormone changes my body underwent, the feelings stayed longer than I would’ve wanted. 

Grace cries a lot, and it’s been going on for two weeks. once she starts crying, it takes hours before she stops. Jack and I talked to the doctor, who informed us that it was colic and common during the first six weeks. It would go away on its own eventually, but we couldn’t do anything to make her stop crying other than comfort her. Constant crying and not knowing what to do took a toll on Jack and me. 

I feel sad, and I’m always overwhelmed these days. Guilt is consuming me for feeling this way.  I have every reason to be happy. I have a beautiful little baby girl, and my husband, who loves us unconditionally, is amazing; I have the family I’ve always wanted, so why am I feeling this way? What is wrong with me? I can’t control my emotions even though I try my hardest. These past few weeks, I’ve woken up feeling anxious and irritated, and not only does it affect me but also Jack. He has to deal with Grace crying as well as my daily mood swings and frustration.

Jack tries to help as much as possible. He took some time off work after Grace’s birth and stayed home to be there for us. Even Jack has noticed that I’m not feeling like myself, but he doesn’t pressure me to talk about it. He asks me daily if I’m okay, and when I nod and tell him that I am, he smiles at me, not really believing me. He has noticed the change in me, but he always proceeds to tell me that he’s here for me and tells me to relax more. But how do I tell him that even getting up from bed is starting to feel like a task these days? How do I tell him that the only reason I keep going is for our little girl?  Every time I get out of bed, it feels like I have a heavy weighted blanket on top of me, and the feeling is not going away. 

Today though, Jack had to go to the studio to work on some things; the studio was only 10 minutes away by car, so he assured me he would come home immediately if I needed him to. 

Right now I’m in Grace’s nursery with her in my arms. She’s looking for my breast, indicating that she is hungry, so I sit down in the chair we have in the nursery and lift my shirt to feed her. She latches on to my breast and starts to eat. I rubbed her pretty, chubby cheeks and sat comfortably on the chair. After burping her, she was lying in my arms, looking at me, making small sounds. I’m watching her in my arms, and I’m filled with so much love for her. I love this little creature and I’m going to guard her with my life. Only a few minutes after having a moment with her, my mind got once again filled with intrusive thoughts. Am I taking care of her well enough? Is she eating well? Is she getting a good amount of sleep? Does she feel loved? All the different questions are rushing through my head, and I can’t seem to stop them. She finally falls asleep and I put her in her crib, before going out to the kitchen to do some cleaning.  

Jack messaged me throughout the day asking how everything is going, and now after a few hours of being away, he is calling me on FaceTime. 

”Hey baby, how is it going?” He smiled big at the phone when I answered

”Hi, fine” I gave him a small smile, my hair was a mess, and I was wearing one of his shirts, which was now stained with milk leaking from my nipples. The dark circles under my eyes could be spotted from miles away, but he still managed to look at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. 

”Where’s my Gracie baby?” He asked 

”She just went for a nap” I sighed and rubbed my eyes. 

”You should take a nap too. I was thinking we could go out for dinner tonight,” He told me, making me stare into the phone, not knowing what to answer him. It has been five weeks since I gave birth, and we’ve mostly stayed at home. I was overwhelmed and did not feel like dressing up and going out, but I didn’t know if Jack would understand. 

”Hey, what do you say? You got real quiet on me there” He chuckled through the phone. 

”Uhm, I don’t really feel like going out.” I mumbled. 

”Okay babe, I can grab some takeaway and we can have a movie night” Jack answered as he started playing with his beard. 

”Sounds good. How is it going at the studio?” I ask him 

”It feels good to be back, you should hear the beat we are working on, it’s amazing,” Jack said with a big smile, happy to be back. Just as I was about to answer him, Grace’s cries could be heard from the nursery. 

”Jack I’ll call you back soon, She just woke up. Love you” I let out a big sigh as we hang up and go to Grace’s nursery to pick her up.  

”Shh baby, mommy is here” I held Grace in my arms, rocking her gently. Her small cries only got more and louder, and I’m trying everything to get her to stop crying or at least calm down a little, but nothing is working. Why can’t I comfort her? What is wrong with me? With every sob she lets out, the lump in my throat grows as the overwhelming feelings engulf me. The feeling of sadness is again there, and my eyes get filled with tears that I cannot stop from falling. The weight in my chest gets heavier with every sob that I let out. After trying to get her to stop crying for about 20 minutes, I grab my phone and call Jack, he answers after the second ring. 

“Please come home, I need you” I sobbed into the phone as soon as he picked up. Without any hesitation, Jack got up from the studio. Almost 15 minutes after I called, Jack came home and walked straight to the nursery where Grace’s cries could be heard. 

”Jack, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make her stop?” I sob as soon as I lock eyes with him. I try to take deep breaths to calm down, but I only seem to be crying more and breathing faster. Jack comes closer to us and puts one of his arms around me, kissing my head. 

”Hey hey hey, come on. It’s going to be okay, we got this” He said and pressed another kiss to my head before trying to wipe away my tears with his thumbs.  

”Go sit down for a while ma’, I’ll handle it” He grabs Grace from my arms and I feel exhausted. What kind of mother am I that I can’t even comfort my child, and get her to stop crying.

”Hey my Gracie baby, daddy missed you so much, yes he did,” He cooed and kissed her tiny hands, pulling her closer to his chest, whilst she continued to cry out. 

”Everything is going to be alright darling, shhh” He started rocking her. 

”Hush little baby don’t say a word, daddy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird” I heard Jack sing as I walked out of the room to go into the shower, needing to calm myself.

Jack stood in the same spot, watching me go. Jack and I have always been good at communicating and talking with each other when something is wrong. The problem is, I don’t know what’s wrong, so if I don’t, how would he? 

Hastily, I took my clothes off before stepping into the shower, letting the warm water release some of the tension in my back. I slid down the shower wall, using it as support as I sat on the floor, letting my thoughts consume me as tears streamed down my face. At some point, I couldn’t hear any cries, which made me somehow relieved, yet the pain in my chest didn’t fade. My eyes caught a glimpse of Jack’s feet making their way towards me, not even hearing the bathroom door open. 

”Oh baby,” Jack came in, immediately shut the water, and helped me stand up. I couldn’t say anything; I could only cry. He grabbed a towel and helped me get into it. 

”I can’t do it anymore,” I sobbed in his arms as he held me closer to him. 

”I’m overwhelmed, Jack,” I let out another big sob. ”I can’t do this,” this time, I didn’t have the energy to hold back from him. At this moment I’m mostly grasping for air and sobbing into his chest. 

Jack pulled me off him for a second and held my face in his hand, making me look at him

”I’m here, look at me. I’m here for you, you’re not alone” he said and wiped my tears, and brought me closer to him once more. 

”What kind of mother can’t get her child to stop crying?” I asked him, the tears not once stopping from falling. 

”Hey don’t say that. This is not your fault” 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want it to get easier,” I cried to Jack, holding onto his shirt. He didn’t say anything. He only rubbed my back and kissed my head, calming me down. 

”Come on, let’s get you dressed,” He said after a few minutes. We walked out to our bedroom, and I sat on our bed. He brought out one of his hoodies and a pair of sweatpants. He helped me get dressed, seeing I didn’t even have the energy to do that. 

”Come here” He grabbed my hand and walked me out to the living room, we sat down on the couch, and he gently rubbed my hand. 

”I’m here for you. You have a husband who loves you and a beautiful daughter who loves you more than life itself. And we want you to be happy.” He finally said, ”I don’t understand what it is that you’re feeling, but I’m here for you. Let us try to understand together” He still tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks and kissed me gently. 

”I’m sorry,” I whispered. 

”What are you sorry about? Stop it. it’s okay not to feel okay” 

”I’m sorry you had to come home from the studio, and that I put all this weight on you,” I said feeling remorseful. 

”Stop that, I don’t give a fuck about that right now. You’re my wife and you need me to be here for you, and right here is where I want to be. We got this together. I’m with you through thick and thin.” 

—————

It took some time for me to write this, I wrote and deleted a lot. And my bestie also helped me!! So I hope you like it🥺❤️

[wolfstarhaven]

Hi! Could you rec some fics where at the beginning remus is in a relationship with somone else? Sorry if you've already answered something similar to this 😅

Hi anon🌸 Thank you for this lovely request! I just wanna clarify: Remus might not be in a relationship in the beginning of each of these fics — but at some point he’s dating someone else. Sirius is not happy.

Happy birthday, you.,by WrappedUp (66k)

Sirius Black is about to turn thirty. But, like, it’s not a whole thing. It’s fine. And he’s absolutely not going to have a meltdown, fall in love with his oldest friend, and sabotage his own happiness.

He’s absolutely not.

General themes: muggle!au; slow burn; oblivious!sirius; jealous sirius; pining; hurt/comfort; happy ending; Remus/OC.

lover, you should've come over, by dykesiriusblack (105k)

Sirius Black is a mess.

Remus Lupin is new.

It's all quite complicated.

or

The story of Remus and Sirius meeting at age 20, falling in love without meaning to, and not knowing how the fuck to deal with it for far too long.

General themes: muggle!au; ANGST!!!; themes of depression and anxiety (read the tags carefully!); slow burn; friends with benefits; happy ending; beautiful prose; Remus/OC.

a sawn off shotgun, by dykesiriusblack (14k)

But the stage lights blur out the crowd and Sirius gets to his knees in front of Remus with their guitar and bass between them, and he does it again in their hotel room, has been doing it since their first tour, has been wanting to do it since he first learned about wanting, the kind that ruins you.

a band, a tour, and the kind of undefined relationship that drives you insane.

General themes: band!au; friends with benefits; jealous!sirius; beautiful prose; Remus/OC (it’s a fake relationship tho)

Befriending A Ravenclaw, by kreestar (55k)

Sirius has made a point to never learn the names of anyone in other Houses. There was no need to, in his astute opinion. Everyone who was not in Gryffindor must lack some intrinsic qualities which would therefore make them utterly intolerable as companions. And the Marauders - all three of them - did not need any intolerable fourths, thank you very much.

i.e, Remus is a Ravenclaw Prefect and Sirius is finding it harder and harder to admit he isn't obsessed with him.

General themes: Hogwarts era; canon divergence; Ravenclaw!Remus; oblivious!Sirius; jealous!Sirius; Remus/OC.

A Bird At Your Door, by moongoblin (32k)

Of pub quizzes, old films, Chinese takeaways, broken arms, and impassioned discussions of literature: Remus is confusing, and Sirius is just trying to figure him out.

General themes: muggle!su; uni!au; slow burn; pining; jealous!sirius; light angst; happy ending; Remus/Gilderoy Lockhart (briefly).

Paper Walls, by Kember (66k)

Have you ever lived with a person you just can’t stand? Everything about them rubs you the wrong way, and yet, you can’t help thinking what it would be like to kiss them… Yeah, welcome to the life of Remus Lupin. He just wants to keep his head down, crack on with his studies, and maybe graduate at some point in the future. But his juvenile crush on his arrogant, impulsive, reckless housemate, Sirius Black, is going to be a major bump in that perfect road.

General themes: muggle!au; university!au; flatmates; light enemies to lovers; Remus/Mary (only temporarily ofc).

Enjoy! (Also, hi! I haven’t disappeared I promise)

xx Elliot

[honeysuckleharringtons]

Part Seven: "Pour Over" ~ S. Harrington

Summary: (Then) Between postpartum blues and her baby's needy coos, Reader's having a hard time adjusting to her new life. But she quickly learns that sometimes you get by with a little help from your friends. — (Now) After dealing with her fussy child all night, the last thing Reader wants is a complicated day at work. Luckily for her, a certain nurse knows just how to make her day a little easier.

Pairing: Nurse!Steve Harrington x Fem!Byers!Reader

Word Count: 1,640

Content Warning: postpartum talk, anxiety talk, mentions of vomit (nothing in detail though), very mild swearing, mild hospital talk, mentions of food, lmk if i missed anything!

Extra Notes: yall i am so so so sorry that this took me so long to finish, more on this later but rn all i have to say is the world's biggest apology 😭

Originally Written: 01/06/2024 through 01/23/2024 (i'm so sorry)

honeysuckleharringtons main masterlist can be found here!

'brew and me' series masterlist can be found here!

[ Then, February of 1988 ]

At this point, you weren't sure how you hadn't died from sleep deprivation.

It had been a whole two weeks since the baby was born, and you were pretty sure you hadn't slept a wink since. One sleepless night had turned into two, and well… now you couldn't remember the last time you had slept.

The clock on the wall told you it was nearing three in the morning, the blackness outside the windows further proving that fact. The baby was once again crying, and no amount of midnight feedings or diaper changes or rocking her in the rocking chair had done the trick. You were warned about colic, but nothing could've prepared you for what it would be like in real time.

Another new nightly ritual was a tired Joyce stumbling into your bedroom, eyes heavy and feet shuffling. You knew exactly what she had in mind, but your Byers genes were far too stubborn to accept her offer.

“Mom, we're fine,” you insisted from your spot in the rocking chair. But even you knew that to the naked eye, you surely didn't look fine. Unwashed hair, blanket tossed messily over your lap, purple spots nearly black underneath your eyes.

Joyce just sighed from her spot in the doorway. “Honey, you are clearly not fine. Don't take this the wrong way but you're a mess.” The comment almost hurt you, though you supposed you appreciated your mother's honesty.

“I'll be okay,” you insisted. “It's not my first sleepless night.”

She moved to sit on the edge of your bed, across from the newly placed rocking chair and crib. “That's the problem, honey. You need sleep. You can't properly be there for her if you-”

“I can't leave her.”

“Don't get enough sleep and-”

“Mom, I can't-”

“You need to eat something too, honey. I mean, when was the last time you-”

“Mom!” you raised your voice this time, effectively cutting her off. “I cannot leave this baby.”

Joyce let out a long sigh, running a hand through her already messy hair. “If you don't take proper care of yourself, exhaustion is gonna hit you like a freight train. Then what?”

You supposed she might be right. But still, her comments couldn't make you see past your postpartum anxiety, worst case scenarios running rampant through your mind.

“What if something happens to her while I'm asleep?” you asked, voice weak. “Or what if she thinks I left her, just like…” you couldn't finish the statement before tears began to prick your eyes.

“Y/N, you know that me and Will would never let anything happen to this baby.” You could tell by her tone that she was being genuine, though both of you knew her words were useless when it came to your anxiety. “We love both of you. We would never let anything happen to her.”

Tears pricked your eyes as your panicked thoughts ran rampant. “What about Dad?”

She nearly fell off the bed after hearing your question. “Dad? What does Lonnie have to do with-”

“I keep having this weird feeling in my gut that Dad is gonna try something with her,” you explained, tears fully soaking your cheeks now. “Like he's going to try and take her from me.”

“I would never let that happen.” Joyce's words weren't a suggestion. She said them with such finality that you were tempted to believe her. “Lonnie walked out of here seven years ago. He hasn't gotten in here yet and I will make damn sure he doesn't get in now.”

Your heart was racing a million beats a minute. You weren't really sure why—other than postpartum anxiety—that Lonnie had been on your mind. But just the thought of him sent shivers up your spine and tears down your face.

Clinging harder to the bundle in your arms, careful not to hurt her but still holding her closer, you rocked gently in the chair in hopes of calming both yourself and the baby. Her cries had yet to subside, if anything they'd just grown louder.

“Mom, I'm so scared,” you finally broke. Even you could hear the weakness, the brokenness, the defeat in your voice. “What if I'm doing this all wrong?”

Joyce stood again, with that same finality as her words from earlier. “I'm not here to tell you how to raise your baby. You're the mother now and you know what's best for you and her,” she started, the words stern but gentle. “But I am here to give you advice as a mother myself. Babies can sense things. Maybe she's upset because you're upset.”

And with that, Joyce was stepping toward the door, reaching for knob, and then-

“Okay.” The word came out as defeated as you felt. “I'll let you have her just long enough for me to shower and eat something.”

She turned to face you with a small smile, not one of smugness or one of someone proving a point, but one that showed you that she was simply just glad to help you out. She left a soft kiss on your forehead as she took the baby from your arms, quickly taking your place in the rocking chair as you headed over to your dresser.

“Mom?”

Her smile went a little sideways as she looked up from the baby to you. “Yeah?”

“I love you. Don't ever forget that, okay?”

With a small nod, Joyce replied, “I won't. Don't you forget that I ditto.” A phrase that had been around since you were little. You weren't sure who started it, but in this moment you were thankful for it, five letters meaning the absolute world to you.

You walked over, leaving a peck to the prickly hairs you'd been seeing so much of these days, warmth filling the entire expanse of your body. “I love you, bub.”

“I'm sure she dittos you too, honey.”

[ Now, January of 1992 ]

A loud yawn sounded from the other side of the counter, breaking you from your own mess of sleepy thoughts. “Me too,” you chuckled as you looked up, a yawn slipping between your own lips. Dark hair and round glasses met you, purple spots thick underneath his eyes. “You look about as tired as I feel.”

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. “I wouldn't have known it if you hadn't mentioned it,” he said. A crease formed between your brows as you wondered what he meant. “You look as nice as you always do.”

He set a new record for how quickly he'd ever made butterflies go off inside you. “Careful, Doc, or I'll think you're flirting with me,” you said through the crimson blush that had started to appear on your cheeks.

“Sorry,” he said sarcastically, “Must be the sleep deprivation from the double I just pulled.”

You cringed at his words, knowing all too well what that felt like. “I know the feeling. I might as well have pulled my own double after staying up all night with my dau-”

The word got caught in your throat as you realized what you were about to say. “Dog,” you covered quickly, hoping your lie flew over Steve's head.

On the outside, you were hoping to appear calm and cool. On the inside, you were face palming. You'd been sleep deprived many times before, considering you once had a baby on your hands who had colic from the day she was born. Not to mention being a mother made you miss sleep in many ways of its own. But you couldn't recall a time where you'd been so sleep deprived that you almost spilled your biggest secret to a practical stranger, much less a practical stranger who you were actively avoiding telling the secret to.

“I didn't know you had a dog,” Steve said with furrowed brows, his voice bringing you back to reality.

Even though you hated to lie to him, you were thankful that your job had given you the ability to think fast. “Yeah, she must've eaten something she wasn't supposed to. She was up all night throwing up.” The real story was that Mandy had snuck into the kitchen to eat the rest of her leftover Christmas candy after you told her not to, but Steve didn't have to know that.

“Plain rice helps.”

His reaction caught you off guard. “Huh?”

“Plain rice can help a dog's upset stomach,” he explained. “If it keeps happening though, you should definitely take her to a vet.”

Steve's suggestion was oddly sweet, and honestly tugged at your heartstrings a little bit. “Thank you for the tip. Out of curiosity though, how do you know about caring for a sick dog?”

His broad shoulders shrugged, and you tried not to drool at the sight of them. “I almost went to vet school. Boy, would that have made my dad mad. Not that med school has made him any less angry.” As if realizing he was rambling, an awkward chuckle slipped between his lips and he turned his attention to the menu. “You didn't ask. Anyway, what do you recommend?”

“Nice try,” you answered, rolling your eyes. “But for you, I recommend going home and getting some sleep.”

Steve chuckled, and the sound went straight to your belly. “Hey, you don't have to tell me twice. I just pulled a double and I have to be back on campus for classes in about five hours.”

Part of you wanted to tell him to just take the night off and get some rest. Another part of you wanted to drive him home yourself and tuck him in. “I do not envy you,” you giggled. “To answer your original question though, how does a strawberry smoothie sound?”

He met you with a closed-lip smile, one that had started to feel so comforting and oh so familiar these days. “That sounds perfect.”

So this is about a month late...

I want to apologize for being gone with no announcement or explanation. Lots of things have happened in the past couple weeks that have taken a severe toll on my mental health and I just haven't really had the time to write, much less the energy.

I am feeling a little better and I have talked to my boss about my hours so I'm hoping that'll help somewhat. I really miss giving you guys content and I miss interacting with you guys.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well! ❤️

-> taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-died-inside @awkotaco24 @liberhoe @princesseddie @corrodedseraphine @manuosorioh @esoltis280 @hazydespair @frostandflamesfanfic

[weneeya]

hi! I read a few of your haikyuu fics and thought they were really cute, and I had an idea for a fic. what about some kageyama/reader fluff where the reader is a competitive swimmer and struggles with pre-meet anxiety and he tries to help her calm down? :)

trying to help w/ kageyama m.list | rules

note. hi!! thank you sm omg i'm so happy to read that you like my writings about haikyuu i could cry thank you for your request!! always great to write with my boy

You had been a swimmer for a few years already, but you never learnt how to deal with the anxiety that was messing with your mind each time you had a competition, or something like that. It was a bit complicated for you to take care of this sometimes, but you were kind of used to it. No one knew how to help you, and you didn’t want any help anyway. Until him. 

Kageyama Tobio was a boy you met in highschool. He was part of the volleyball club, and he became one of the main players during his first year. It was quite impressive, you had to admit it ; even if you knew nothing about volleyball. You talked with him a few times at different moments, but nothing more. 

But slowly, you and Tobio grew closer to each other. And after some time, you started to go out with him. It was a bit complicated at first, because the poor boy didn’t know how a relationship was working ; but he was making a lot of effort and you loved this about him. He was trying to take care of you as much as you were doing with him, and it was making him more adorable in your eyes. 

You were currently alone outside, not so far from the pool. You were trying to breathe as slowly as possible, while you were hiding your face between your hands. You had a competition in a few days, and the usual anxiety had made its comeback in no time. It was getting worse lately, and you started to worry about not being able to control it as you wanted when it needed to be gone. 

You heard a few steps coming closer to you, but you decided to ignore them. Maybe the person was just passing by, or else they would understand that you wanted to stay alone. But when you heard the voice coming from next to you, your heart almost stopped. 

“Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?” It was Tobio, and the slightly worried tone of his voice broke your heart. You put your hands away, slowly turning your head to look in his direction. A soft smile appeared on your lips, and quickly sat back correctly. 

“Tobio, sweetie! Everything’s fine, don’t worry,” you started to say, and the little frown on his face made you understand that he wasn’t believing you even a little. He wasn’t the bed at reading people’s emotions, but you were obviously anything but fine right now. 

“It’s your competition again?” He softly asked as he sat right next to you, slightly tilting his head to the side to keep looking at you even from here. Your only reaction was to sigh slowly, and Tobio almost thought he did something wrong. Until you rested your head against his shoulder, your gaze fixed on the pool in front of you. 

“I’m just so stressed… What if I ruin everything?” You started to say, and your voice got a little shaky with those words. Kageyama simply wrapped an arm around your shoulders, holding you close to him. He wasn’t the best at this, but he hated to see you being like this. 

“Impossible. You are one of the best out there, I don’t see how you could ruin anything.” You slowly raised your eyes to look into his blue gaze, and you could see how serious he seemed to be. Tobio wasn’t the type to lie, because he was bad at it, even if it was to help someone. So you knew that he thought each one of his words. 

He kept on making compliments and stating facts about your talent and how good you were at what you were doing, and you slowly felt the anxiety fade away. While he was talking, you put your hand on his cheek before leaving a kiss on the other one. You looked at him and a soft smile appeared over your lips. 

“Thank you Tobio, you’re the best,” you said before resting your head on his shoulder once again. He felt his heart skip a beat, and a blush ran over his cheeks without you being able to see it. He simply rested his head on top of yours, trying to ease his poor heart. You really were going to kill him one day, but he loved that.

thank you for reading!!