#diary moment

[forestgreenivy]

[spaghetti-to-go]

Today is gonnna be awesome I get to go to class and make fun stuff out of clay for a couple hours and then I get to paint for a couple hours and then I leave school and go to an art museum for homework and hunt down one of my professors who works as a security guard there and if I find him I get extra credit. It’s gonna be a gooood day

[54bpm]

Randomly woke up at 3am, like completely alert and awake, which is lame bc thats only 5 hours of sleep. But I caught Roxy in a sleepy enough state to get claw caps on her so thats good, she loves pawing at screens and while I keep her nails short not capping them was asking for issues. It’s now 7 so gonna try to sleep a tiny bit before alarm at 9…

Oh yeah I raided my old art tutorial tag on my other blog, I’ll be queuing those up.

[higherfurtherfastergayer]

Sometimes I wish I could get my sister with me when I live but I also realize that she hasn't completely broken free of our parents' way of doing stuff and like, she too would rather believe I'm not who I say I am than change the way she sees the world. In an ideal world I would like to have her by my side, but I can't be doing that work for her, because she does not value my expertise anyway, to her it's too '' cringe'' and it does not matter because i' m so much younger.

She practically raised me and I loved her so much but I hate the person I become when I'm near her and the person she has become too. I don't want to cut contact but I just know it will have to happen eventually.

[samipekoe]

I NEED them

[s1lly-l1ttl3-4n4]

dear restaurants who don’t put calories on their menus, even the ones online, and no matter how much you search, you can’t track down cals-

fuck you. fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. how fucking hard is it???

[tofieldhome]

Me and some acquaintances are staying in a giant land lords mainsion just outside Huy somewhere in Belgium . I have a room for myself where I'm sitting in an open window on the first floor. Listening to the cars passing by in the distance. Afther I switched of the lights of the room I actually get to see something on the outside; a mysteriouse view of a bunch of pine trees grouped on the slope of what you could call a hill. Nothing that would pass as scary but in the moonless night and foggy fields , anything could pass as sinister.

While it slowly starts to rain I wonder why I'd go to such a place. Nothing to do but talk to cows and take a hike. Tho the calmth of this rainy night is making me feel broken loose of the city's far reaching chains . Do I miss these chains? Am I a slave of these or am I really choosing to be a part of this ant hill that we human's praise with fame and build under pressure. A city big enough to be just a worker in a giant network of insects. Lost in the crowds.

Sometimes I wonder if human's forgot that we are also animals. Because this social game that we use to call maiting ritual has turned into something completely manipulated by fashion and media. Neglecting the actual urges so many people have. Making people uncomfortable with saying what they think is right. Ofthen forgotten that our ancestors where as primal as the wolf that we manipulated to be our cuddly partners. As clever we human's perceive ourselfs to be, there are so many human's trying to manipulate you in the same way we did with dogs. Making those who don't have a clear opinion bend to their will with rewards and treats. Selecting those best fit to reproduce as role models or those representing what is out of reach to make the rest worry about their purpose and existance. To make people spend money to feel more sucure or closer to these role models. Some say money doesn't buy happinies. This may be true but it makes you feel suitable in the western world if you wear the latest fashion.

These are the things that worry me when sitting in the dark on a rainy night. Wondering about city life.

When i finnaly reach my bed, sleep is still far off. A few muscitos make sure I lay there listening till one comes near , just to switch on the light and end her already short life. Afther an hour of playing this waiting game I assume all of leeching insects are gone. Not to long afther that I fall in a dreamless sleep.

The morning after is a weird play of opening doors and few words.

The first to come in my room is my mother , asking how my night was. I tell her about the little bugs that kept me up. When I'm done she decides to let me be for a bit and leaves. Not even half an hour later my dad walks in. He tells me to "get up because their going for a walk and that its to late for me to join them any way" and closes the door.I should mention this Holliday is with both parrents but they have been divorced for 18 years now. No more than 10 min later my mother walks in again, asking me if I'm alright. Wondering why she'd be asking such a question I mention I forgot a towel wich makes her leave in search of one. 5 minutes later my dad comes in claiming my mom is worried about me. I tell him everything is oke I just need a towel so I can take a shower .. he walks out and throws me one of his and leaves. About 2 minutes later my mother walks in again with a towel. Noticese that I already have one and says she has to hurry because she's joining the walk. As it turned out the group that was going for a walk took about 40 min longer to depart as expected. So this gave my mother time to be annoyed about something. Now I wonder what she thought was going on.

2016, another style i haven't used since.

[hualianschild]

‼️spoiler‼️ (chapter 63)

uhm so that happened...

(i was NOT ready omfg)

[romancemedia]

The Most Romantic Anime Scenes of 2023

[montanabohemian]

honestly, the people bitching about an objectively insane episode of wwdits are SO BORING. it's just a silly little comedy about some idiot vampires that live together and commit atrocities in new york. like what is so difficult to comprehend about that.

of course lazslo would create horrifying animal lab experiments that can talk that guillermo has to take care of.

of course nandor and colin are besties.

of course nadja makes 50 dunkin runs for a crazy lady.

it's just a weird show that is outrageous and funny and sometimes carries an emotional wallop. it's not fucking rocket science.

[forestgreenivy]

I’m just a 24 year old girl learning the hard way that mundane things are wonderful, and I’ve been making so many mistakes trying to avoid it at all costs.

I over complicate everything. I over analyze things, I think so deeply into every motive and action I take. I could give you answer regarding everything I do. It is what I truly believe or feel? Probably not. But I always have an long complex answer to everything. I have extremely bad problems with anxiety due to this.

I have dreams bigger than I can imagine. They change all the time. I plan everything out down to the tiniest detail for my life. Over and over again. Every year of my life since I turned 20, I’ve had to make some major “changes” in the plan. It hurts. I spend so much time confused calculating my next move.

Nine times out of ten, the correct path is glaring in front of me, and I miss it. When I do finally cut the shit, and I see situations for what it is, I feel this sense of relief. Finally, things are not so complicated anymore. I do this to myself. I am so stubborn I will do anything I set my mind to, even if it’s not the right thing.

I am once again learning the hard way that everything doesn’t have to be complicated. My biggest fear has always been a simple life. As a kid I wanted to quite literally see and rule the whole word. In college, I was ready to take on some big time job. I was so scared of not being “successful” I wanted to jump to the finish line.

Learning the hard way has been the only way I learn. Through the thick of it, I see the right path, urging me to simplicity. It’s not as bad as a chocked it up to be. In fact, when all the anxiety and emotions and everything I put on myself adds up, I have a break down. Then I learn.

I convinced myself I needed the complicated job or else my mind would get bored. Turns out, I am cracking under pressure. I don’t understand this complicated job I work, and I go home in tears every day because I am so stressed and the work keeps piling on. I have the big girl complicated business job I wanted and I hate it. I hate it so much. I go to work with knots in my stomach every day.

Now I crave the mundane. I crave the simple job. I just want to do a few things I’m really good at. Forget the MBA, I would genuinely be happier going home and working at my friends coffee shop. If only I had somewhere to live. If only rent weren’t so high.

I lived near the coast. I did love it, if you know this blog you know I love the Lowcountry. But I hated how the land was flat. That was such a huge thing for me. I wanted to live near the mountains. I wanted to see something beside the same flat beach everyday. I wanted a landscape that was different at every turn. I wanted waterfalls to search for.

I wanted to live in a city. With taller buildings. More restaurants. I moved away, and the mountains are SO beautiful. The city is SO cool. I finally live in a place that is not flat. The one thing I wanted. It’s a much more complex landscape, unlike the simple flat coast and coastal plains I grew up in. It’s all so good on paper.

Now, I miss the trees. I miss the birds. I miss the way the salty air feels. I miss the sunsets when you can see the whole sky. I miss the marsh, the flattest but most complex landscape I know.

I miss my routine. My friends. My family. I miss my bed. I miss complaining about my family visiting too much. I always heard moving to a new place away from normal life is “so good” for your growth. All it’s doing to me is putting me in a lonely dark place.

It is helping me grow. But only in a way where I am realizing home isn’t that bad. Simplicity is beautiful and I am allowed to embrace it. I can grow a garden and look at the little herbs and flowers. I can go through a hard day and always have someone to call. I don’t need to climb a bigger mountain every week just to prove to myself I can.

I come on this account and boast about how cool it is to go on all these adventures. And it is so cool. It’s amazing and beautiful. It makes me feel so “cool” getting to show all these cool places. It doesn’t make me happy.

My life doesn’t have to be complicated to be interesting. In fact, it doesn’t HAVE to be interesting all the time. It can be boring. I can rest. I can have the mental energy to paint pictures again. I can be happy again. I don’t have to feel drained.

I keep learning this over and over again. I have such strong issues with control and wanting everything to work a certain way. It never has, and it never will. I just want to go home. Hopefully soon, I can figure out how to get back.

[blue-mood-blue]

I can pinpoint the moment that destroyed my life today:

It’s been a handful of weeks since Murderbot came within inches of having a new, organic governor module implanted in its head via infection - do you think, maybe, that’s also been hiding behind the redacted? Not the way everything else is, just as a deep-seated reminder of what it can’t afford to lose?

What a way to be told “I love you” - to be told “I will not lose you, I will not let go, I will do the hard part of holding on even if you don’t want me to”

[definitelynotquinn]

please 🙏

[ladykyriaa]

Something something Jinshi was never allowed to be childish and was forced to grow up as a child so it deeply impacted his adult life hmm..something something maomao never telling him to act otherwise like everyone else around him did and in fact prefer that childish quirk of his

[maomao9jinshi]

My roman empire is the moment when Maomao's explanation that her fate/life is not in her hands because she is a common him saying that he would never do such a thing to her

my roman empire, but this moment hits too hard

[fusudesu]