#did i expect them to ever outwardly say 'hey lets not use this nickname for him anymore'

[straylaughs]

and fuck you div1/jype for using that stupid ass nickname when he wasn't even there!!

[oinkawa-bb]

first time dads!haikyuu pt.2

request: Hi! I just read your Haikyuu as first time dads and it's so cute! Would you mind writing another one with Iwaizumi, Suna, Atsumu and Osamu? I'm looking forward to seeing more of your writing. Have a nice day! -anon

note: thank u lovely anon for being my first request!!🥺❤️ i enjoyed writing this and i hope you enjoy reading it uwu <33 i really hope i did the inarizaki characters justice b/c i’ve just recently gotten to know them!! owo here is dad!iwa, suna, atsumu, osamu 

mentions/topics: pregnancy, domesticity, timeskip, female reader insert

part one (daichi, kuroo, oikawa)

part three (tsukki, akaashi, yams, kenma)

☀︎—hajime iwaizumi

iwa and you have been trying for months

and he’s been super supportive and comforting when each test comes back negative :/

but this one day, you feel different

and he’s sitting on the ground outside the bathroom door just trying to offer positive affirmations bc he’s waiting for you to finish taking the test

but when the door opens, he sees your face and just knows

you don’t even need to say anything bc he already has a HUGE grin on his face and is pulling you in for a hug

he definitely kneels down to plant kisses on your tummy

your attempts to stop him don’t work they never do

soon to be dad iwa is super protective and cautious

definitely feels most comfortable when he can hold or touch you some way when in public

he likes to place his hand gently around your waist or he’ll grip your hand if there’s crowds

sometimes he’s a little too firm in his affection, and you have remind him to lighten up to which he becomes a lil flustered

“hajime...i can’t feel my hand,,”

but when you do go into labor, he whips out this midwife-like knowledge out of nowhere

similar to daichi, iwa became super well informed by researching a lot (but just in secret, you really had no clue)

he watched videos, read through other people’s experiences, and asked a bunch of people for their input

and now he’s super helpful to you through your contractions in the car and at the hospital

he’s calm and firm, supporting you physically to the hospital and emotionally through the labor

but when iwa’s baby finally makes their appearance

he just becomes all ushy-gushy and weak with watery eyes

his hands are pressed together and placed at his mouth in awe when he finally sees you hold his child

and then when he finally gets to hold the baby,

boy oh boy

iwaizumi actually cries a lot more than either of you expected

he’s so smitten with his newborn, and he can’t stop internally & externally praising your strength for carrying and birthing his child 

like he sees you in a totally different light, and he thought it was impossible but he’s fallen even more in love with you now

and he can’t wait to take care of his new family🥺

☀︎—suna rintarou

suna definitely didn’t see this coming,,,

but nonetheless when he processes the meaning behind the bun you placed in the oven, he doesn’t feel anything but sheer excitement

suna’s actually wanted to have children with you for awhile

but he’s never admitted it out loud uwuwuwu

he holds you firmly in his arms and caresses your hair gently for a long time, and you have to ask him if everything’s ok🥺

but it’s literally because he’s lowkey tearing up and at a loss for words

after a few moments tho, he collects himself and slowly presses light kisses all over your face

“i’m just really happy.”

at night, he refuses to sleep when he knows that you’re struggling to sleep due to discomfort

so he’ll lay awake with you and mumble mindlessly about the future he sees with you until both of you doze off

sometimes he just sees you standing at the counter or something and he can’t resist bc ur just so cute!!!!

he’ll quietly come in for a back hug,,,

and he’ll place his chin on your head and his arms around your belly and close his eyes and just stand there for as long as he wants until... 

”rin.... i need to pee”

he’ll let go then probably

but when the day finally comes, his mind is literally all over the place and he’s trying to be calm on the outside

in the car, your breathing is getting heavier and sharper, and he’s lowkey a little panicked but he won’t stop reassuring you for one second

“hey, look at me, you’re okay, it’s gonna be okay”

he’s definitely in pain himself seeing you in labor,

but he’ll be by your bedside, gently holding your hand and letting you squeeze his as hard as you need to

but it’s all worth it when he gets to see his baby with his own eyes,,

when he sees you cooing softly and holding his dear child against your chest, silent tears fall out of his eyes

suna swears he’s never seen a more beautiful sight than this

☀︎—atsumu miya

atsumu comes home from an exhausting day of work, 

and right as he walks through the door, he’s whining your name, about to ramble about practice...

but then he sees a tiny pair of volleyball shoes at the front,,,

and he’s like... o w o

even though he’s tired out of his mind, his brain works quickly, and he’s connecting the dots in his head

you’re just standing there at the end of the hallway all giggly n cute

he raises his eyebrow and then his sly smile turns into a huge one as he runs up to you,

he clutches your face in his hands and is peppering kisses all over you to the point where you have to physically pry him away

basically immediately, atsumu starts using little nicknames for the baby, but they change almost every day LOL

he also definitely downloaded the pregnancy tracking app (even though? you already have one? and it’s unnecessary for him to have it too? he doesn’t care tho)

he checks it every day before work, lets you know what size the baby is, and kisses your bump aka his angel/nugget/muffin/dumpling/etc. before leaving

“y/nnnn my lil’ angel is the size of a bell pepper today”

“atsumu... i know.. i already checked”

atsumu also boasts so much when he’s sharing the news with his teammates and family members

like osamu was somewhat looking forward to being an uncle until atsumu hit him with the daily updates of your cravings and symptoms and how the baby kicked when he placed his hand on your belly and on and on

but he also just wants to make you feel hella loved and wanted during your pregnancy

he can sense that your body image and self-esteem sometimes takes a major hit

so it’s not uncommon for him to be showering you in compliments nonstop

but honestly it’s also just because he thinks ur even hotter... if that was possible....

this is embarassing but i feel like he has you saved as “hot mama” in his phone or smth

and then the day arrives, and the whole drive there, he’s going “oh shit” in his head over and over but he’s playing this cool demeanor on the outside

actually, this carries over into the hospital too, but he just decides that he’ll do whatever he can to pamper the hell out of you & make you feel less uncomfortable

upon first sight of the baby,

there’s no other words to describe how he feels other than his heart just melting on the spot. 

it’s game over for him because he knows that he’ll literally do anything for you and this precious baby now

anything. (prepare to be spoiled rotten)

☀︎—osamu miya

osamu returns from work one day,

and you’re just at the stove cooking, so he comes up behind you, snaking a hand up the bottom of your shirt to caress your bare waist while whispering his greeting in your ear

but then you wince when he touches your stomach

and he’s like “oh?”

he’s super puzzled so he intently observes you as you bite your lip and start to blush

“i was going to tell you this over dinner but i just can’t hold it in,”

osamu kind of already knows where this is headed but he watches as you reach for your back pocket and pull out a pregnancy test neatly tucked in a ziploc bag

he’s been waiting for this moment to come his whole life (osamu a sucker for domesticity imo) so he’s literally internally screaming for joy!!!

but outwardly his smile conveys it all, and he’s chuckling as he pulls you close by the waist to plant a kiss to your lips

during your pregnancy, osamu becomes overwhelmingly nurturing

it’s almost like you’re the baby ???

like he cooks even more for you and is always whipping something up asap when you mention your cravings

what if he made onigiri with the foods you crave as the filling

he does research on ways to quell nausea and discomfort and goes out to buy herbs and ingredients that would make you feel better

basically, he wants to take the best care of you possible my baby

at night, he’s going to let you use him in any way to sleep better

most of the times, you want him pressed against your back and his head nuzzling your neck

he whispers soft and sweet declarations of his love for you and the baby when he thinks you’re asleep you’re not

ok but when the day comes,,,

osamu is just so ready for the baby to arrive that he’s as cool and collected as ever

you’re definitely not tho, and he can sense it, so he’ll find every way to calm you down

meaning,,, he’ll play calming spa music in the hospital room, massage your lower back, gently repeat encouraging affirmations, etc, etc.

osamu takes care of you so well uwuwuwu

and when the baby makes an appearance, you bet osamu leaps to dad duty right away

he’s emotional but clear-minded, and he’s already mentally planning his life with you back at home with the baby🥺

he can see the future with you and this sweet baby for eternity and he’s so ready <3333

[whatupitsastarrynite]

It Was Always You

A/N- HEY HEY! This was our first time writing for Coco and we had so so so much fun and we are now starting to feel our boy Johnny more. (or at least I know I am- Britt)

Cheers to Coco, the man who deserves so much more than he has been given thus far! 🥰😘😍

We also have a group chat that you can join and we will post our fic updates in that! 

Thanks so much everyone! We love youuuu!!! 

Imagine: You and Coco grew up together. The pair of you were the best of friends, inseparable right up until he met the woman who would eventually become the mother of his child. From there, you started studying hard in an attempt to get out of Santo Padre and into New York's best writing program. Coco on the other hand spiraled out of control, he was incarcerated and then later he enlisted into the marines. You kept tabs on him, but ultimately you focused on school. You got into the writing program of your dreams, you moved to New York and everything was perfect...so yeah, every now and then you had to ignore the voice in your head that told you that you missed Coco and should call him..but you leaned to cancel that voice out.

Every year for your parents birthday you would facetime them and send them a gift in the mail. As a huge editor to a very popular magazine, you couldn't afford to take time off. This year however, your father was sick, and you knew you needed to see him.

So you packed your bags, jumped on a plane and flew out to Santo Padre. The entire flight you were nervous and you kept fidgeting in your seat.

You had not set foot inside Santo Padre since you were 19 years old. You were in your early 30s now. So many things had changed, but deep down you knew in your soul that one thing remained the same....

Your love for Coco.

You parked in front of your parents’ home, letting out a sigh. Driving through Santo Padre, memories hit you left and right, thinking of shooting the shit with your cousins, sneaking out to smoke some weed at the outskirts of town around a bonfire. 

Santo Padre held such sweet memories for you, but they were also bittersweet. You passed by the park where you and Johnny used to play as children, your love for him growing from there. You passed by the elementary school where you and Johnny held each other down during the third grade, shared lunch since Celia was the worst fucking mother. You passed by the middle school where you realized you had a crush on your best friend. You passed by the high school where you and Johnny eventually grew apart. 

Coco, it was a nickname you fondly gave him, a nickname you made for him and it just stuck. You can’t even recall why you called him Coco, but here you two were now, apart and strangers. But you had to do what you had to do. Seeing Coco with another woman was hard enough, knowing they had a child? It was even worse. But in some ways, you were happy for Coco, it was his chance to have a family.

Even though your family was essentially his. Your parents adored Johnny Cruz. He was always so good with them, helped your mother whenever he was over, learned the ins and outs of car mechanics with your father. He was essentially an adopted son, but when you pulled away, your parents respectively did as well. 

You were startled by the knock on your window. You looked to the side and found your father, looking frailer than usual, but a bright smile still on his face. You returned his smile and quickly got out of your car. Feeling your father’s warm embrace, it made you regret not coming home much more often. You weren’t obtuse, you knew your time with your parents were slowly dimming, it was the harsh reality of life. But you were going to make sure your father was going to be healthy so he could come visit you as he intended to later this year for Christmas. 

“How are you?” You questioned as you pulled away.

“I’m fine, your mother was overreacting. I had pneumonia, it takes the wind out of you, but I’m feeling better. I even helped Coco with this car he got for his daughter.” Your father froze at his words and he sighed. “You know we’ve been talking to Coco.”

And you did, your parents were always honest with you and when you left, they rekindled their relationship with Coco. They excused that one kid was out of the way, at least they still had their other. It made your heart clench when they said that, it was even worse when your mother wanted to update you about Coco, but you refused. No matter how much time had passed, your love for Coco was still ever present, but you figured it would.

He was your first love, and you never had closure. 

“Pops, thanks again.” His voice made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy, you almost felt embarrassed how juvenile it was. “Leticia should be coming in a few hours, if she gives you shit let me know.” He couldn’t see you since your father was blocking your way. As frail as your father was, he was 6′4, 250 pounds, he covered anyone. 

“Coco, you know Leticia loves us, she can be like you, but we’ve done well with you.” Your father moved to the side and Coco’s steps halted, stopping at the middle of the street.

“Hello Johnny.”

Coco blinked a few times as he continued to stare at you. The expression that was plastered on his face made him look like he had seen a ghost.

Your father cleared his throat and that seemed to snap both you and Coco out of your trance.

“I’ll be inside…oh and Johnny, Selena is making dinner tonight if you want to stay. It's homemade enchiladas.”

Coco let out a tiny groan that made your stomach clench as the sound made your thoughts darken to a more impure path.

You felt the blood rush to your face- you had not even been home for thirty minutes and you were already thinking about dragging Coco to your old room.

You took another kick to the stomach as you remembered that Coco never belonged to you that way, he never wanted you that way and he never would. In the past you had hoped, but almost a decade had passed by and he never bothered to reach out.

If he had truly had anything to say to you he would have at least sent you a damn text message.

“Yeah- yeah enchiladas sounds good pops… I just gotta call Letty.” Coco responded

Your dad waved him off.

“Nonsense, she is welcomed too. It’s a family reunion.”

You bit down in your jaw and tried not to outwardly cringe at your dad. He truly was making this more awkward than it needed to be.

“See ya kids inside” He said as he walked off.

Coco watches your dad for a second before he looked back at you. It seemed the initial shock had worn off because he gave you a small smile and shuffled over to you.

“Damn long time no see chica, how the hell have you been?” Coco asked

His voice sent goosebumps crawling up your arms and you couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread through your body as you locked eyes with him.

“I’ve been good, busy… but ya know. Good…..you? What’s um… what’s a Mayan?” You asked as your eyes hovered on the leather kutte he was wearing.

Coco glanced down at his kutte as if he didnt wear it all the time. His eyebrows furrowed before he looked back up at you and huffed out a nervous sounding laugh.

“Its a motorcycle uh club.” He responded

You leveled him with a look, half of you wanted to push him for more information because he was clearly hiding something, the other half just wanted to catch up with him like the old days.

“Ah… so what’s been going on with you? I see you’re still stalking my parents.” You joked as you moved to pick up your suitcase.

Coco laughed and moved quickly to scoop up your bag. As he took the handle in his hand, his fingers brushed over yours and it sent a shockwave through your body that you had not been expecting.

You let out a small gasp and Coco just stared at you with his intense, soul piercing gaze.

You swallowed thickly and moved around his body so that you could make your way to the house.

“I don’t stalk, I’m welcomed here. I’m like their son they never had.” Coco joked back

You snorted but didn't respond. How could you when his joke had landed harder than he had meant for it to.

“So you and Leticia are close huh…I’m glad to hear that Johnny. If I’m being honest I was worried about you… especially since I never heard from you after I left.”

Coco stopped walking and his actions halted yours. You glanced over your shoulder and raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“What?” You asked as he stared at you.

“I’m sorry you know…. for like never reaching out. I-I figured you were out in New York doing big things and uh..I–I didn’t want to bring you down so uh, I never reached out.”

Your heart clinched at his words and you turned your entire body around to face him. Your feet began to take on a mind of their own and you found yourself walking over to him, stopping only when you were about a foot away from him.

“Johnny…seriously? You were my best friend, I cared about you, I could have never seen you as someone who would have brought me down.”

Coco dipped his head and stared at the ground in silence as he took in your words. You desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, but you knew you couldn’t push him, so instead you stood there in silence, waiting for him to respond to you.

You sighed, somehow you always found yourself waiting for Coco Cruz.

Coco knew you were waiting for him to respond. But where does he even begin? He was sorry he basically walked away from you after he met Alejandra? That he was sorry that he didn’t have the balls to talk to you? To reach out to you? That every day for the past decade, the itch to call, to text you was always great, but it heightened during your birthday or the holidays? It was acceptable to text people during the holidays with no pretenses besides the fact it was the holidays, but you were too special to Coco for that. 

And he was a fucking idiot. 

He didn’t know where exactly it went wrong. He just knew that after he met Alejandra, you ceased to exist in his life and he didn’t even know how to make it right. If anything, he didn’t want to make it right since he spiraled out of control. If Coco was going to ruin his life, he would do it on his own, he could never drag you down with him. It would kill him, knowing he was the reason you were stuck in this god forsaken town. He got out and came right fucking back.

But not you, you were Ms. New York now. 

Missing you never became easier, but it became easier to hide it. Though during the time he was intoxicated, where his inhibitions were low, he called out for you then, it was pathetic, but he couldn’t help it. You were the best part of his life and he was blinded by everything. In hindsight, he felt that he did it himself, to let you see your potential, but he couldn’t credit your greatness to him.

You’ve reached your dreams and it was further proof that you didn’t need him, that you were much better without him. 

You waited patiently at what seemed like forever, but Coco finally opened his mouth to speak. 

“Because after what happened, how I abandoned you during your time of need, I never forgave myself for that. You may not see me as someone who brought you down, but I did. Look at where you are now, if I stayed put, you would be stuck in this fucking town with me.” He grimaced, saying it aloud hurt him much more than he would like to admit. 

“What do you mean?” You were confused as to what he was referring to. High school was tough, but it wasn’t unbearable. 

“When your abuela died, I was so fucking high, you called me ten times and I didn’t fucking answer.” You couldn’t recall that day much, the only thing you remembered was your mother holding you, trying to soothe you the best you can. 

But you guessed that was when things changed for you two. You began to stop relying on Coco, replying to his messages, but not going out of your way to talk to him. It wasn’t all on him, losing your grandmother was hard on you and the following years went by like a breeze. You immersed yourself in school work because you knew she wanted you to further yourself. 

So you did. Trying to distance yourself from Johnny, find a way out of Santo Padre and make your grandmother proud, it was your driving force. 

“It’s fine Johnny shit happens.”

“Stop that, don’t brush it off like it didn’t mean shit.”

“It’s not that it didn’t mean anything, why am I gonna hold it against you that you had a life?”

“I was your best friend, but Alejandra just had this fucking hold on me.”

“She gave you the attention you wanted, can’t fault you for that.”

“What?” 

“Alejandra made you feel good about yourself, there was no pretense with her. She didn’t know you well enough so whatever you gave her, that’s what she knew about you. And she worshipped you, you were basically the greatest thing since eyeliner for her. Can’t fault you for that, you loved her.” 

Alejandra did a number on your relationship. She didn’t like how close you two were, boys and girls couldn’t be friends. They could be, but Alejandra saw how you looked at Coco and made it a mission to break you two apart. 

“I gave up Letty since Alejandra turned up to be the bitch you told me she was.” And he didn’t believe you then, he told you that you were just jealous because you had no one.

But you did have someone, you had him. When those words came out of his mouth, you realized you didn’t have him after all and it hurt you, but it pushed you away, just like what he wanted to do.

“I never cared for Alejandra, but I wanted to be there for you. You were my best friend, I could swallow whatever Alejandra threw my way as long as I had you, but you know, I didn’t.” The chuckle you let out, Coco could hear how forced it was, how you were trying to make light of the situation in some ways. “But, what’s done is done. I’m glad that you’re doing well for yourself Johnny. And it seems like you’re doing well with your daughter.” You offered him a small smile. “I always knew you would be an amazing father, you wouldn’t be like Celia or your deadbeat dad. My parents would have killed you.”

“It does matter, what happened between us, how much time I let pass, it should have never happened. It killed me that I couldn’t bite the bullet and just call you, shit,” Coco sighed. “You were the best part of my life, you gave me a family and you gave me a reason to keep pushing forward.”

“Let’s not dwell on the past, I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

If you were being honest, you just didn’t want to hash it out with Johnny in the middle of the street. Your neighbors were nosey and it was not needed drama. You also didn’t want to tell him that your mother kept you updated on the latest happenings of Johnny’s life. As much as you tried to defer, your mother knew you wanted to hear how your old friend was doing. You knew about Celia, his daughter, and how he was doing better, to some extent. You didn’t know what the hell the Mayans were, but from what you gathered, they were like a family to him. “You live across the street from my parents?”

“Yeah, your pops helped me out with it and it was easy cause I served.”

You nodded your head. “Son they never had.” You shook your head playfully rolling your eyes. 

Coco couldn’t help but look at your left hand and noticed that something was missing.

“Where’s your ring?”

At the mention of your ring your left hand clenched shut. You hid it behind your back and grimaced.

“How did you….” you asked trailing off “My dad talked to you about it??”

Coco sighed and nodded.

“He didn't mention that you broke up though… or why.” He stated

“I didn’t tell him! ” You snapped. Your ex fiance was a sore subject for you, especially since you had just called off the engagement a month ago.

Coco evaluated your body language… he knew you well enough to tell that there was a story there. He didn’t want to pry or upset you, but he also needed to know what happened.

“What happened Y/N?” He asked

“It's a long story.” You replies shortly. You didn't want Coco to find out the reason you dumped Adam. Besides, who was Coco to know practically everything about you when you knew nothing about the man he was today.

“I got time. Shit….its not like I live across the street or anything”

You rolled your eyes at his dry sarcasm as you messed with the finger that used to hold the diamond ring on it.

“It's nothing Johnny….turns out Adam wasn’t who I thought he was.”

Coco gave you that intense stare again and tgrb he smacked his lips together.

“He cheated?” Coco grilled

“Amongst other things.” You shrugged.

Coco took another step forward, effectively making the distance between your bodies smaller.

“What, is he a drunk? A liar? An addict? Controlling? Abusive?” Coco listed off all the reasons he thought you would leave someone over. He gauged your reaction for each one and then stopped when you flinched at the word abusive.

“I’ll fucking kill him.” Coco growled. 

You watched his whole body transform in front of you. He went from soft and sweet to angry and murderous in two seconds flat.

You sighed as you ran a hand through your hair.

“It's over with Johnny.” You stated

‘The fuck it is!!! I’ll cut his hands off and make him eat them, then I’ll kick his ass, then I’ll kill him.“

You couldn’t help it- a chuckle escaped your lips and you shook your head. Maybe a normal person would find this declaration insane, but you knew Coco, and you found it charming that he was so upset and ready to commit literal murder in your honor.

“I’m fine Johnny, please…please just dont tell my dad. He’s already sick and I don't need him worked up over this.” You pleaded taking another step towards your best friend.

The muscle in Coco’s jaw twitched dangerously, and you knew he was still angry, but you also knew that he would keep this secret…for you.

“Fine….but lemme see this dick on the street. I’ll have him dead on the sidewalk in no time.”

You let out a loud laugh now and before you could stop yourself you threw your body into Coco’s surprised arms. Your chest hit his firm one first , and then after the shock wore off his strong arms wrapped around your waist and he pulled you to him tightly.

His chin rested on the top of your head and you both took a moment to learn each other's new bodies. You breathed in his scent, a deep cologne mixed with cigarettes and leather. You memorized it and decided then that it was your favorite smell in the entire world.

Above you, Coco’s lips brushed your head as he kissed it gently.

“I missed you…” Coco whispered into your hair

“I missed you too…” you said without hesitation.

You could feel Coco’s lips pull into a smile before he placed another kiss on your head and pulled back to look at you.

“Listen mama, I gotta tell you something…. but you gotta hear me out and promise not to get mad, okay?”

You looked up at his worried face, and nodded in confusion.

“What is it Johnny?”

He inhaled and then slowly breathed out before the words tumbled out of his mouth like a stolen train.

“"After Alejandra I…I didn’t think I would fall for anyone again….she fucking wrecked me….but the day you moved away to New York was the day I realized how badly I fucked up. I..shit…I loved you more than anyone else and I didn’t even know it, shit maybe that was part of the reason she and I broke up, because I always loved you….. and I- I still do. Ya know….love you.”

You wanted to slap yourself, pinch yourself, anything that would give you painful stimuli so that you could wake yourself up. Were you still on the plane? Was the flight attendant about to wake you regarding your arrival to the airport?

It had to be a fucking dream.

For years, you’ve had different versions of this dream, you’ve had different versions as to how Coco would confess to you. One was back in high school, another one when he came to stop your wedding and another was during your Christmas visit, which was totally out of one of those Hallmark films. Regardless, you always thought it would remain a dream. That you would never hear such sweet words come from Coco.

Coco watched as you looked at him, speechless. Dread seeped in. Maybe it was too quick, this was your first meeting in so long. Maybe you didn’t feel the same way, he couldn’t blame you. What would you want with someone like him? Even his own flesh and blood didn’t want him. He was waiting for the let down, the ‘I’m sorry Johnny, I just see you as a friend’. He felt like he was taken back to high school, to where girls made him fucking nervous. But it was the worst with you because your opinion mattered most.

Just as you opened your mouth to reply, you heard your mother shriek out your name. You turned around and caught her, wrapping your arms around her. She pulled away, pinching your cheeks before pulling you into her embrace again. Coco loved your mom but for once, he was not happy to see her.

“My baby is home.” She cupped your cheeks. She turned to Coco and she clicked her tongue. 

“Johnny, cut your hair, you look so unkempt.” She sighed. “Trying to make me bring out my scissors.”

Coco laughed and shook his head. “I told you mama, I like the wind blowing through my hair.”

“Stubborn as always.” She shook her head but had that smile she always had for Coco. “Come, I prepared snacks. And don’t you even try to get out of it, I had Bishop give you the day off so we can spend family time.”

It dawned on you that your parents were trying to set up a reunion between you and Coco. While your father was sick, he was fully recovering. Your parents were such meddlers.

“I know what you’re doing.” You informed your mother.

“What am I doing baby?” She looked at you with such innocence in her eyes, it almost made you feel bad about accusing her, but you also knew your mother.

“Don’t faux innocence with me, I see you.” You playfully narrowed your eyes at your mother.

Selena laughed. “I think you need more sleep.”

The day went off without a hitch and you met Coco’s daughter, Leticia. You were grateful that Leticia hardly had any of Alejandra’s features. She was definitely Johnny’s child. Dinner was served and the laughter and conversations you all had was nostalgic. You felt like a child again, enjoying dinner with your parents and Johnny. Having Leticia as an addition was even better.

“Are you sure you’re okay with watching her tomorrow?” Coco questioned as you two made your way towards the front door.

“Not at all, as much as I want to get my nails done, I do not want to do it alone. This town pounces on you.” You’ve been gone for quite some time, you knew the people of this town never forget and they would be on you regarding the various rumors they heard through the years. “See you tomorrow Letty!”

She waved goodbye, crossing the street to go to their home. Coco watched her till she was inside. He turned to you and smiled. His confession from earlier was still replaying in his brain but you two have had no moment alone. With your parents in bed, it was just you and Coco.

“This was nice.” You commented.

Coco nodded his head. 

“Yeah it was.” He didn’t want to keep you up, it seemed like you had a busy day tomorrow. 

“Good night preciosa,” it was Coco’s nickname for you and to this day, the butterflies in your stomach still went wild.

“Good night Coco.”

He smiled and turned to make his way to his own home. He wanted to kiss you, to finally feel your lips against his, but he didn’t even know how you felt about him.

“Wait,” you called out, going down the few steps on your porch. “About earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it, I get it, you don’t feel the same way.” The smile on his face hurt you, it was the one he gave people to show he was okay, but he was hurting inside.

“I love you.” You didn’t beat around the bush. “It was the reason I worked so hard to leave because I couldn’t be in a place where I would have to see you be a family to someone who made it a mission to drive us apart. I couldn’t bear seeing you two together because Alejandra was right, I wish I was her, I envied her.” It felt good to let it out. “I love you Coco, I loved you then and I love you now.”

Coco froze and you watched his body transform as he took in your words. At first it didn’t seem to register with him, what you said, but then his eyes widened and a smile broke across his face making him look 10 years younger.

He let out a laugh and shook his head as he half jogged over to you. His hands came to rest on either side of your face and his thumb caressed your cheeks.

“Shit, we wasted so much time when we could have just been together.” Coco whispered

You shook your head and brought your hands up to rest on his forearms.

“We didn’t waste time Johnny, we were just getting ourselves together.”

Coco huffed but didn't disagree.

“Say it again…” He said in a way that sounded like both a command and a beg.

“I love you Johnny Coco Cruz.” You said softly while you absentmindedly traced this vein on his forearms.

Coco stared at you for two more seconds before he dipped his head and connected his lips to yours. His hands slipped down to your waist and he pulled you flush to his body while he pushed his tongue into your mouth. Coco kissed you passionately, aggressively and soft all at the same time. He took control of your mouth and he had no plans on giving it back.

Coco knew that if humans didn't need oxygen to breath, he would spend his entire life kissing your lips.

Butterflies flew in your stomach and goosebumps broke out on your skin as he traced your bottom lip with his tongue. You were trying your best to keep up with his energy but he was like a man starved.

He slowly walked you backwards, your back hit the side of your house and everything faded away. All you could focus on was Coco’s lips and how they felt so perfect against yours. His hard body was firmly pressing yours into the wall while his fingers squeezed tightly into your hip bones.

You bit down on his bottom lip and he let out a small groan. You shifted your body a tad to the left and felt a shift in the energy.

What was a simple sweet, much over do, was now quickly turning into a hot, desperate attempt to get each other in bed.

You gasped as you broke free of Coco’s lips. He tried to chase after you but you pushed him backwards by his chest.

“We need to get a room…” you laughed

Coco was quick to respond. Grabbing your hand and pulling you towards his house.

“Wait, letty….” you started

Coco ignored your question and gripped your hand tighter. He walked faster and you struggled to keep up.

The next thing you knew you were standing in Coco’s living room.

“LETICIA- I need you to leave. Go hang out with Gabi.” Coco yelled

You heard Letty open her door and listened as her footsteps made their way to the living room.

“Oh great, your having sex…. just use protection. You don't want another me.” Letty said before she smiled at you and brushed past her father.

She shut the door and left you and Coco in silence. A nervous energy washed over you as Coco leveled you with a look that sent your libido into hyperdrive.

“You sure about this?” He asked

You rolled your eyes, still surprised that he was questioning your intentions. You wound your arms around his neck and pulled him closer before you smiled.

“I’m 100% sure Coco.” You whispered before you brought his lips back down to yours.

Coco lost himself in you.

Years of longing, wanting, loving, it was all coming down. He was able to push all of this for years, fucking bitches didn’t require anything, just his dick to be hard. But with you, it was different, of course it was. He didn’t want to just devour you, he wanted all of you. The cries of pleasure, the feeling of your body in one with his, he wanted it all. He always imagined how it would be to kiss you, to be with you.

This was knocking every expectation out of the park. 

He’s never made love to a woman before and he knew if he ever did, it would be with you. For years, he wanted to contact you, to swallow his nerves, his fear, his pride, but now, the wait was well worth it. You were right, you were working on yourselves and now, he would never let you go.

He pulled you closer to him, one hand cupping your face, while the other rested against your hip. You couldn’t believe this was happening, whatever you imagined before, this blew it out of the water. You never felt this when you kissed your ex-fiance. This was something else, something more.

Coco lifted you up, carrying you to his bed, gently, he placed you down and reluctantly parted with you. He looked at you as your chest rose up and down, letting the oxygen trickle in once more. Removing his clothes, he left his boxers on, making his way over to you, causing you to move back on his bed. He wrapped his fingers around your ankles, pulling you towards him. 

“These leggings are going to fucking kill me.” His hands moved up and down your legs, shivers going down your spine. You were wet, you’ve been wet, but the way Coco’s voice dipped a lower octave, the way his hand was just hovering over your clothed core, you wanted to scream. But you didn’t want to rush through it. You’ve only had a handful of partners and you knew Coco was the far more experienced one. 

He pressed two fingers against your clothed center and you let out a low moan, which in turn made him moan.

“Fuck, I’m never going to get tired of that.” Coco’s fingers went to the waistband of your leggings, pulling them down. He threw the article of clothing behind him while you took off your shirt. His eyes roamed around you, taking in every part of you. It made you flustered, flushed, and scrambled to cover yourself. He smacked your hands and made a ‘tsk’ sound. 

“Don’t let me admire my girl.”

You smiled. You were nervous, this was Coco. This wasn’t anyone else, this was Coco.

“Hey, don’t overthink it, just let me make you feel good ma.”

He crawled over to you, hovering above you, he kissed you once again, his hands were all over you. Wherever he touched, your skin burned in the most delicious way.  He slipped his fingers under the band of your underwear, teasing your aching pearl before slipping a finger inside you. Moaning into his mouth, you arched against him, one hand caressing his cheek, while the other slid down his stomach and inside his boxers. He groaned against your lips as you wrapped your hand around his cock. 

“Fuck princesa,” you took your hand out of his boxers, spitting on it before putting it back inside, sliding your hand up and down his cock just as he added another finger inside of you. 

“Fuck Coco, that feels so good.” Your ex hardly provided foreplay. He lubed it up, condom on, and you two fucked. No emotions or regard for you, it was just sex. But this, this felt so much better. 

“Yeah, that pendejo didn’t know how to pleasure you?”

You shook your head, you let out a breathy gasp as his thumb made contact with your clit. You clenched around him and it didn’t take long for him to get an orgasm out of you. You whimpered, moving your hips down to meet the thrust of his hands. Before long, you were both naked, Coco slipping on rubber. 

He tapped his cock against your folds, the tip hitting your clit. You looked at how well endowed he was, which almost made you laugh. You always thought Coco was gifted, but to confirm that suspicion? It was fantastic. 

“You ready preciosa?” 

You nodded, never more ready for anything. He bent down and kissed the tip of your nose and then he slowly pushed the head of his dick into your wet, awaiting folds.

You let out a low, broken sounded moan. Seeing Coco’s dick had been one thing, but feeling it as it stretched you out almost to the point of pain was a completely different experience.

Coco’s left hand grabbed onto the sheets by your head and he clinched them while his other one stayed firmly on your hop- helping to ease him in without hurting you.

He was so close to bottoming out, but before he could fully set himself in you, bubbles of laughter started coming out of your mouth.

Coco moved his head so that he could look at you, his body hovered over yours and he froze, mid stride, with his dick more than 80% of the way in you.

"What?” He asked

You laughed again and pushed Coco’s stray hair behind his ear.

“My mom was right, you do need a haircut.”

Coco tsked and shook his baby hairs out of his eyes.

“Don’t be jealous because my hair is more luscious than yours.” Coco joked back

You laughed some more and Coco took this opportunity to push himself the rest of the way in you. Your laughing faded off and turned into moans and despite trying his best to make this all night, he couldn’t stop the quick pace he had set from happening.

His senses were overwhelmed by you, he wanted to fuck you deep and slow, but he also wanted to fuck you hard and quick. He wanted to kiss your lips, but he also wanted to kiss your neck and map out your entire body with his mouth. He wanted to intertwine his fingers in your hair and pull just enough for it to sting but not too hard to where it pulled out your roots, but he also needed to touch every part of you.

There wasn’t enough time.

He wanted all of you- he needed all of you but the way your warm heat wrapped around his dick and pulled him in was intoxicating him more so than any drug he had ever used.

“Fuck! You feel so good. I’m never letting you go again.” Coco said into your ear.

His breath ghosted across your skin but you were too blissed out to respond. One of your hands found their way into Coco’s thick hair and the other gripped tightly onto his forearm.

Your body bounced softly as Coco rammed into you. He kept pounding your G-spot over and over again to the point where you were now seeing stars. Your moans were now just whispers, and all you could say was Johnny over and over as if you were praying to him.

He lowered his head down and caught your lips with his. He kissed you once before you broke apart and simply breathed each other's air. Your lungs were burning and your breaths were coming out ragged.

Your orgasm was quickly approaching, and despite never having sex with you before, Coco knew you were right there on the edge.

He gripped your body tighter and forced himself to slow down his thrusts.

As he did, you let out a needy whine which caused Coco’s heart to melt. Seeing how much you needed him was all he ever wanted from you. Selfishly, he wanted you to need him so that he could always be apart of your life

“Don’t worry preciosa. I got you.” Coco whispered.

His next movements were smooth and calculated. He pulled himself all the way out and before you could complain, he grabbed your legs and roughly flipped you over onto your stomach. His hands found your hips and he yanked them upwards so that your ass was sticking out and your head was down.

You glanced over your shoulder and locked eyes with Coco as he pushed back into your pussy. He let out a groan and your head fell back onto the bed. You gripped the seats as the muscles in your stomach clenched.

You were so close, so fucking close you just needed–

Coco knew what you needed. Fuck he always knew. He moved his body so that it draped over you more, and his long arm reached under you and his fingers found your clit. He began to rub on it and press down on it while he fucked into you with a precision that was blinding you.

Your body was overheating and shaking, your mouth was spilling Coco’s name along with a stream of cuss words and you knew that if you didnt come soon, you would die from overstimulation.

Coco let out another moan and he wrapped his free arm around your waist and yanked you up, making your back flush with his chest. The new angle caused you to let out a louder scream. Coco pressed on your clit harder and started licking at your neck.

It only took two more thrusts before your body broke. Your legs shook so badly that they threatened to give out on you, your moans suddenly cut off and your breath left your lungs. Stars exploded behind your closed eyes and you realized that this is what they talked about when people said orgasms were like little pleasure bombs.

Your body was lit up with ecstasy and you rode it for as long as you could before your limbs went numb and refused to hold you up and longer.

Coco eased you down onto the mattress, still on your stomach. He pushed your legs together and straddled you as he gently pushed on your lower back and fucked in and out of you.

“Shit Y/N. This pussy is addictive.” Coco groaned out

You pushed your ass back as best as you could- attempting to meet Coco’s rough thrusts head on. Based on the way he was moaning and cursing you must have been doing a good job, so you kept doing it until you felt his thrusts becoming shaky and uneven. The fingers on your back dug into your skin causing you to hiss in pleasure.

You turned your head to the left and let out some breathy moans.

“Johnny…I… I need you to come for me. Come for me please.” You begged

“Fuuuuck, you’re sinful as shit and I love it.” Coco groaned out.

He thrusted into you a couple more times before he stilled.

You couldn’t feel his seed due to his condom, but you could feel his dick pulsing in you and your needy walls contracted around him, begging him to rip that stupid condom off and fill you properly.

After a couple of minutes, Coco gently pulled out of you. You slowly rolled over and groaned as your back popped slightly.

You tracked Coco as he made quick work of peeling his condom off and taking it to the trash can in the corner of his room.

You sat up on your elbows and admired him from afar. You cataloged every tattoo and vowed to ask him the story behind each one.

“Imma add today’s date to them…” Coco said as he caught you staring.

“To what?” You asked in confusion as he made his way back over to you.

The bed dipped as he climbed on it and crawled in between your still shaking legs.

“My tattoos. I’m getting today’s date tattooed on me.”

“But…why?” You laughed out

Coco smirked and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips.

“It's the day you and I changed forever. The day I got to be with my true love. Why wouldn’t i want that on my body as a reminder.”

[bi-robins-club]

jason had just settled onto his couch with a jane austen novel and his favourite peach iced tea when damian crept in through his window. he sighed internally and decided to simply ignore him. he had told damian to use the front door (nevermind the fact that jason rarely used the door) and more importantly? he was freaking comfortable. after a few minutes as jason flipped idly through the book, damian cleared his throat. jason sighed again, outwardly this time and reluctantly dragged his eyes up to his youngest brother. baby bat was shivering slightly from the rain outside and jason simply rasied an eyebrow as he sipped at his tea. scowling, dami stomped over to jasons bathroom to dry off. he rolled his eyes. how dramatic. damian was acting like he sentenced titus and alfred the cat to their deaths instead of how he was actually saving jason from deep cleaning his rain soaked carpet. (he was still going to deep clean the carpet the next time he tidied up but still)

when damian stalked back into the room, looking less like a wet, angry kitten and more like a dry, angry kitten, jason titled his head back and established eye contact.

"so what brings you over to my neck of the woods, demon spawn?"

instead of snapping back like jason expected, damian simply stood there looking extremely uncomfortable. he shuffled his feet, opened his mouth then closed it and sat next to jason on the couch he splurged way too much on.

"i don't know how to tell you this" dami began, hesitant "but i believe harper is experiencing thoughts of suicide"

jason jerked up, almost knocking over his tea (and what a damn waste that would be) before fixing damian with a look. he hadnt noticed anything different in roy lately but he knew more than anyone that depression acted strangely and was hard to pinpoint. his mind raced with thoughts of why roy might be suddenly suicidal, from a sudden relapse to not getting a happy meal toy included in his 3.99 box of clogged arteries. "why do you say that, damian?"

"i have been keeping an eye on his health since he became a close confidant to you and last night he said something worrying that i am still not able to parse the meaning of" jason smiled lightly at that, in damian speak he was basically declaring that he cared for roy- if for nothing else than for how happy he made jason. still he shook it off and asked what roy had said that was worrying dami.

"he was patrolling last night" jason knew that. roy had been picking up his patrols since jason had a nasty leg wound. it was the reason he wasn't out tonight. "and he was on the phone with an unknown person, though i am inclined to believe it was either Starfire or Canary" okay, still not surprising "and then he said that the only place he could die happy was between your thighs" oh hello blue screen. yes jasons mind was in the middle of rebooting but could you hurry it along? he almost missed what damian said next. "not only does he wish for death upon himself, he wishes for you to give it to him!"

"damian" jason managed, frantically trying to figure out a way to explain to his baby brother without including his sex life. "uhh its just an expression"

damians face brightened up slightly. "really? he does not wish to smother himself between your thighs?"

"yeah, its like...like just a way to say... mind your business? mmhmm" he struggled to get out, pulling an explanation out of his ass.

"you have told father to mind his business a thousand times but i dont recal you ever using that one. is it new?"

oh god. jason would rather die again than continue this conversation.

"uhh its only used if you're close to someone" jason didnt know what he didnt wrong but dami's eyes widened in clear worry. "i thought you and father were reconnecting? has something happened? are you fighting again?"

well shit. jason had not thought this one through. fuck roy and fuck his mile wide kink that centered around jasons thighs. he was going to kill him. and he wouldnt even use his thighs. "oh nonono dami we're fine, just not as close as me and roy" he hedged, pleading to gods he didnt believe in to stop this conversation with whatever means necessary. strike him dead if need be but *please*. damians eyes narrowed "and exactly how close are you with harper, jason?" jason stared in disbelief. how had his nice relaxing evening turned into such a shitshow? damian was fine with roy when he and jason were just friends but now that he was (correctly) assuming a relationship, his over protective instincts were kicking in? christ. he remembered how when dick and babs finally started dating (again), damian seemingly lost all respect for her and called her an evil harlot more than once.

thankfully he was saved by answering in the form of the best person jason had ever met aka duke thomas. he announced his presence by awkwardly coughing. jason met his dark eyes and mouthed 'help me' over damians head. duke smiled as if it was getting pulled out of him by torture but nodded.

"hey dames, dick wanted you to join him by the docks when you finished up here" damian scowled "cant you see i am clearly not finished yet"

"hah, well dick was facing up against scarecrow and i think he needed some back up but you know him"

"yes, he wont admit he needs help when he very clearly does" damian sighed "very well, ill go check on dick. you stay and question jason. " and with that damian clambered out the window and after he disappeared from sight, jason threw his head back to stare at his ceiling and groaned. duke laughed at him.

"hey daisy duke?" duke grumbled at the nickname and jason cracked a smile "how did you know i needed back up?" duke winced and ran a hand over his dreads. he made a face and jasons soul was slowly draining out of his body. "oh haha funny story" duke rocked back on his feet and faked laughed "damians com was still connected to the channel" jason froze.

"who was on the channel oh my god" duke smiled thinly and his hand paused on his head. "other than me? everyone." jason buried his head in his hands and let out a high pitched whine. duke consolingly rubbed his shoulder. this is why jason loved him. he hadn't even laughed at jason like tim, dick or steph would or started plotting death like damian started to. he and cass would just offer support. jasons favorite brother and sister right here folks. duke sat down beside him

"listen. i know what it's like to be outed when youre not ready and when i heard damian grilling you about roy, i thought i would help" jason turned and stared at his brother. duke was staring at his hands and avoiding eye contact. "i got caught with a boy when i was 15 in high school. its pretty shitty to be gay and poor in a homophobic neighbourhood but its worse to be gay, poor and black." jason knocked shoulders with him. "if you tell me the name of whatever asshat outed you, I'll shoot him for you." duke let out a waterly laugh. "they kept bullying me for being gay but if they even listened, they would have realised that im pan" he joked "its a completely different thing after all". jason snorted

"that was horrible"

duke winced "yeah, it was wasnt it. im bad at this" it was jasons turn to avoid eye contact now.

"talia once caught me with a league operative. a male operative. i was so paranoid for days until i caught shiva leaving her rooms. i got the courage to tell her i was bi and she just patted my cheek and asked how my training was going."

duke huffed out a laugh. "bruce gives you shit but i for one think your lesbians moms are cool"

jason laughed with him "just wait until you meet Ducra. shes a badass"

"ducra?" he questioned with a weird look. "how many moms do you actually have? i knew about diana and your assassin moms but thats a new name" jason burst into laughter at the expression on dukes face. "its not fair man. steph is the only other one with a mom and you have four! you need to share" jason choked on his laughter and shoved duke.

"first of all, its only *three*. ducra is like my badass abuela"

"dont you already have a badass grandma? have you forgotten about Ma Gunn? she threatened to shoot bruce in the dick last week!"

"yes well excuse you i need strong female role models in my life, fuck you" the two of them continued to joke around for a little while longer before jason caught a flash of black kelvar outside his window and sighed. duke followed his eyes and smiled before patting jasons shoulder and pushing off. "have fun with the one strong male role model in your life. im going to see if cass needs help" both of them knew that cass wouldn't need help but jason accepted the excuse for what it was. "me and steph are still coming over to study tomorrow. college is kicking my ass and i need you to explain this English assignment to me"

jason scoffed "im not writing your essay for you"

"eh worth a try. bye jace" duke gave a two fingered salute and slipped out the window. jason took the brief reprieve to sip his tea and mourned when he discovered the ice had melted and watered down the peach taste. for the third time that night, someone crept into his window. oh well. third times the charm right? jason wasn't going to acknowledge bruce until he said something himself. it was a repeat of damian. jasom read his book as it got increasingly uncomfortable.

"jason."

"bruce" jason drawled, not lifting his eyes from his book. bruce grunted like the neanderthal he was and jason finally huffed out a heaving breath before marking his page and looking up. bruce looked supremely uncomfortable. actually his face looked exceedingly neutral but jason knew how to read bruce and that was the brow furrow of how do i deal with jason without fucking it up? jason was well famailairsed with that one.

"you know i love you" jasons own eyebrows rose. bruce only said 'i love you' like four times a year tops. and he usually never wasted it on jason. bruce deflated at whatever face jason must have made. goddamn it. this was why jason always fought with bruce with his helmet on, he couldnt control his facial expressions for shit. "no you dont know that." bruce smiled thinly and to jasons suprise, quickly crossed the room and knelt, placing his hands on jasons shoulders.

"even if you dont believe it, and its my own fault that you do and i hate that i ever caused you to even doubt my love for you, i swear that i do, jay lad" jason was completely frozen. he had expected bruce to yell at him for letting roy go unchecked on patrol last night and how irresponsible he was yada yada, not this declaration of feelings that he had no clue how to deal with. he couldnt remember the last time bruce called him that. it had to have been when he was still in those scaly green panties and pixie boots. and not the adult verison that jason picked up from a halloween store on a whim just to see roys eyes.

bruce sighed and drew jason into a hug. when bruces shoulder started getting wet, jason was horrified to realise he was crying. "i wanted you to know that i wouldnt love you any less for loving a man. but you have to know that i love you in the first place for that to happen" bruce said self deprecating.

"shut the fuck up" jason said sniffling and gripping his dads back. "i hate you"

bruce laughed softly at him before pressing a kiss to the side of jasons head. "i want you to know that i expect roy-and you- over at dinner on sunday. i need to meet the man that stole my babys heart" he murmured. jason laughed wetly "youve already met roy, you just want to con me into actually coming to family dinner"

bruce smiled "that was before i knew you two were dating. roy needs to know what hes getting into" jason leaned back enough to stare into bruces eyes and weakly punched him in the chest "dont threaten my boyfriend. he refused to look at me for two weeks after t was done with him" bruce sighed longingly "its times like this when i remember what caused me to love talia in the first place."

"bruce!" the aforementioned man laughed and hugged jason tightly before stepping back a few steps. "Sunday dinner. you and roy. 8 pm." on a whim jason reached out and snagged bruces hand. "hey" he started, swallowing "you wanna stay for a while? we could watch a movie or something" bruces eyes softened and he nodded. "let me change out of the suit."

and if roy had crept in after patrol only to see jason napping on his dads chest to a shitty action movie playing in the background and took several pictures, well that bruces fault for not waking up when roy stumbled it. (nevermind the fact that bruce had every single one of those pictures saved on his phone) (nevermind the fact that after roy put his phone away, he was greeted to the sight of batman glaring at him as he twisted a batarang around his fingers. it was sorta ruined by the fact that jasons curls was hiding the lower half of his face but roy was still adequately terrified)

[fullmarvelheart]

Wakanda

Pairing: Avengers x Enhanced!OFC

Word Count: 3,000

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of violence, mentions of past trama

A/N: Welcome to Chapter 5 of Blue Starlight. I hope you all enjoy the story as well as the way I wrote the characters! The gif is not my own. All rights to the original creator. I hope you guys enjoy!

Series Masterlist

The plane lands and I'm almost blinded by the bright sunlight that reflects in off the tarmac as the ramp is lowered down.

Waiting for us is whom I'm assuming is the King, based on what Cap briefed us over, along with his personal guards. When Cap told us about the Dora Milaje, to say I was impressed is a gross understatement. I knew they were the fiercest warriors in Wakanda but seeing them up close, they're almost as intimidating as Natasha is. Even the Kingsguard looks exceptionally deadly.

"Should we bow?" Banner asks Rhodey as they exit the jet before me.

"Yeah, he's a king." Rhodey responds in an almost serious tone. Which apparently Banner doesn't catch onto.

As the Captain greets King T'Challa, Banner clears his throat and starts to bow.

"What are you doing?" Rhodey questions loudly enough to catch the King's attention.

"Uh, we- we don't do that here." The King says, somewhat awkwardly.

I chuckle to myself as the group begins to walk.

"So how big of an assault should we expect?" I go to answer the king but am cut off.

"Uh sir-sir, I think you should expect quite a big assault." Banner says pushing his way to the front while I roll my eyes.

Shut up. You don't even have the slightest idea.

"Thanos will most likely send one of his support ships, like the one that was in New York not too long ago. He calls them Q-Ships. He won't send his full army here, just what is deemed to be enough to overwhelm the forces on Earth, so the stone can be retrieved." I explain loudly but lower my voice as I get closer to the King, who looks at me curiously.

"How are we looking?" Natasha asks softly, diverting attention away from me, thankfully.

"You will have my Kingsguard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Milaje, and..."

"A semi-stable 100-year-old man." A new voice says walking up to us.

I take in a sharp breath and freeze. The Winter Soldier. Please don't let him still be with HYDRA! That's not something else I want to deal with today. But, he's smiling and doesn't look anything like the last time I saw him. He's not glaring at anything and he has plenty of emotions that I notice, just with one glance. He outwardly looks happy, healthy, but I can see pain and guilt still present in his steel blue eyes.

I can see it because I recognize it in myself.

As both Cap and him share a friendly embrace, I see Sam move into my periphery, though I don't acknowledge him.

"Are you alright?" He asks in a whisper.

I blink out of my frozen state and give him a tight smile and nod. As I'm turning back around, I see Natasha give me a curious look before turning back towards the Captain.

"How you been Buck?"

"Uh, not bad, for the end of the world." He says solemnly, yet with a small smile

I swear, this is the most I've ever heard him speak in one go. His voice isn't raspy from misuse anymore either. Maybe he's-

As if he can feel my eyes burning holes into the side of his head, he turns to face me. His eyes widen in recognition as his face changes from shock, to confusion, to anger, to regret, and then suspicion, all within a second.

"It's good to see you again, Blue." He says skeptically.

"You too, Soldier." I say in the same tone, brushing my fingertips over the hilt of a dagger on my thigh.

He glances down, catching my movements which freeze immediately.

"You remember...?" I ask softly, not knowing if I need the confirmation for his sake,... or mine.

"I remember everything." His piercing gaze moves back to me, his features stiff and cautious, waiting for me to make a move.

"Blue?" Natasha inquires, trying to lessen the tension.

"My ability..." My explanation comes out more timid than I would like as I move my hand away from the blade and give her a shrug.

Come on! Surely he's not more terrifying than Thanos! At least this one I know I can stop.

"There won't be any problems, right?" Cap asks seriously, after clearing his throat.

The Winter Soldier, or Buck I guess, says no. I can only shake my head.

"Good. Coms on and Rhodey, suit up. Saddie, I want you out here while we go in with Vision, incase anything happens." I nod in understanding as he, Natasha, and Dr. Banner follow the King and his men inside where Wanda and Vision had disappeared earlier.

I watch them trek inside while a knot forms in my stomach.

"You're nervous."

"Huh?" I turn to find Buck staring at me curiously.

"You used to make that face whenever the men were in the room. Whenever he was in the room." He explains.

I sigh and wrap my arms around my stomach while letting my head hang over.

"Can you blame me? This whole situation is something I was hoping to avoid. Plus, I wasn't exactly expecting to see you and when I did... I didn't know what would happen, or what to expect." I keep my gaze fixated on the pavement below me as I hear him take in a deep breath. Though, I know he was thinking the same thing as I was. "But I'm terrified. Like I was then." I admit with a whisper, looking up at him.

He hums, walking closer to me.

"What should I call you?" I ask suddenly causing him to snap his eyes to mine and stop.

He hesitates looking at the ground before back at me.

"Bucky please, Saddie." He says teasingly.

I roll my eyes but crack a small smile. So Buck is a nickname then. Didn't know he knew the Captain that way...

"Your arm is different." I note as I look at the black metal appendage edged with gold markings. Much different from the previous silver one with the infamous red star.

He hums thoughtfully, looking down at it with a small nervous smile.

"I like it, it suits you." I tell him sincerely as I turn away from him, not waiting for his reaction.

I walk over to Sam and begin to talk to him while Bucky joins us with a rifle one of the Kingsguard gave to him. Rhodey appears in his armor and things begin to click in my head as I remember Sam and Rhodey's hero names. Falcon and War Machine. Definitely not who I'd expect to be next to at a time like this.

At one point, I decide to sit crisscross on the tarmac with my fingertips pressed into the pavement and my eyes closed. It's almost like I'm in a meditative state. I feel the energy running through this city, running under it. There's an endless supply far below me, that I manage to tap into.

It's immensely powerful!

"What ya doing there, Saddie?" Sam calls out. I realize there's probably blue wisps circling around my hands or even arms.

"Recharging and resting." I say, distantly.

"Meditating." Bucky answers at the same time, causing me to huff and send him, where I think he is, a playful glare.

"Are you already tired, kid?" Rhodey jabs humorously through the ear piece.

"I'm a creature that relies on energy for power. If my stored supply runs out and I can't tap into a source fast enough, I have to rely on the power my body holds. Meaning, I'd lose consciousness soon after I'd start pulling from my own life-force. Thanos has an army coming for Earth, and I want as much power as I can hold." I tell them, still in my meditative state. "Plus, relaxing like this allows me to extend my powers beyond Earth."

"Creature?" Sam mumbles in question to himself.

"What does that mean?" Bucky asks curiously in reference to my abilities while talking over Sam. He still doesn't know the full extent.

"It means that I can sense when they arrive." I tell them, ignoring Sam's notice of my slip. Though, with that and what I said in the aircraft, he should be piecing it together soon, if he allows his mind to focus on it.

They don't ask anymore questions after that, and leave me to myself. After what feels like several minutes later, I feel a very strong hum of power moving towards Earth, and quickly. I call my power back to me and absorb as much of the energy as I can from below me, I can see the bright blue growing brighter from behind my eyelids.

"Saddie?" Bucky sounds worried.

My eyes shoot open as I jump to my feet, looking towards the sky.

"Saddie!" Sam calls, trying to get my attention.

"They're here." I say fearfully, not moving my eyes.

I summon an energy ball as I see one of their ships quickly descending straight for us.

"Hey, Cap, we got a situation here." Sam says while looking to where I am.

That wasn't enough time to get the stone out safely!

I prepare to launch the ball in my hands when the dropship pings off the shield, exploding instantly. The force of the strike is absorbed back into the shield.

"God, I love this place." Bucky says in stark amusement while I reabsorb the power in my hand.

"Yeah, don't start celebrating yet, guys. We got more incoming outside the dome." Rhodey warns as the rest fall fast, impacting the Earth.

I feel the vibrations from the impact rattling though my bones and my breathing becomes harsher. The shockwaves bounce off the dome, making me feel only the tiniest bit safer.

"Is this what you were expecting?" Sam asks, looking at me.

I nod slowly with wide and fearful eyes, unable to speak. Though, how do you speak when one of your worst nightmares is occurring before your very eyes and is becoming reality?

Alarms blare through the city and the dread I have been feeling for some time now, grows in the pit of my stomach to the point it becomes nauseating. Unfortunately for me, I joined this fight, so I can't back out now. I swallow back whatever fear I can and focus on the chaos around me.

After several minutes, the Captain, Natasha, Dr. Banner, King T'Challa, and his warriors come running out of where they led Vision and Wanda. Dr. Banner goes straight to where a big red and gold suit had been laid out as warriors rush out to the tarmac.

"You two," Nat gestures to me and Bucky. "Come with me."

We chase after her into a transport ship that is filling up with other warriors of the Kingsguard. I see Cap and T'Challa board theirs with half of the Dora Milaje. When we get in, Natasha stands up front with Bucky right behind her, and me on his right, like it used to be. As much as I hate the memories, the familiarity of a fight and his presence is comforting.

Sam and Rhodey take off and fly above us as we all head towards the front line while we begin to merge with other ships on the way.

"How we looking, Bruce?" Natasha asks through the coms.

"Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of it." I hear what sounds like rockets through my ear piece and cringe at the loudness "Wow! This is amazing man. It's like being the Hulk without actually..." His loud enthusiastic voice is cut short as I hear him fall.

I try to stop myself from giggling at him but can't help but slightly laugh out loud when I hear Bucky's chuckles beside me.

"I'm ok, I'm ok." I hear, but before I smile again, I actually notice just how many of the dropships there are... and just how big they look from here. I've never seen them in person, just heard stories.

My stomach lurches at the sight. There will be so many. Can we even win this?

"I've got two heat signatures breaking through the tree line." Rhodey calls out.

I move forward slightly, in hopes of recognizing which two of the puppets Thanos sent here. Bucky gently grabs my arm, snapping me out of my head, and gives me a questioning look. I move back to his side but keep my eyes set on the edge of the dome in front of me, not looking at Bucky. I'm not sure if I'd be able to hide my fear if I do. Rhodey and Sam do a fly over as they begin to circle back around.

The Captain, King T'Challa, and the Dora Milaje pile out of a transport. My transport group follows and Natasha, Bucky, and I merge with them. One of the legions begins to chant as we move forward. Though I can't distinguish the words over the sound of my blood pumping in my ears. Natasha comes up next to me and gives me a small assuring smile. I try my best to do the same, though I'm sure it's more of a grimace. We form a line and I finally spot the two of the Black Order that Thanos sent. I scowl and clench my fists at the sight and memory of those two.

"Do you think there's any chance of surrender?" Natasha muses.

"No, it's not the way of the Black Order." I say with a slight growl.

"Well, there's always a chance." Captain says, but it's not reassuring.

He looks at me and motions for me to follow as him, Natasha, and King T'Challa start to walk in the direction of the dome's edge. I swallow the lump in my throat and proceed to fall into line with them.

Cull Obsidian and Proxima Midnight become clearer the closer we move to them, and I try to push back my fear again. While Cull stands several feet tall than the other, with a much broader stance and deadlier appearing body and weapon, it's Proxima I fear the most. This sight of the midnight blue and black hair, brown horns, black and blue war paint, and lifeless grey eyes that make me tremble slightly. Proxima drags her sword along the dome's edge, almost hypnotized by it, watching the power crackle along her blade. She finally stops when we're at the edge, only separated by the dome.

Cull and Proxima snarl once they set their eyes on me and my lip twitches up in annoyance.

"Where's your other friend?" Natasha quips, and I have no idea which other one she's referring to.

"You will pay for his life with yours." Proxima says in the most emotionless tone I've heard her use. Her mechanical voice sends an unpleasant shiver down my spine. "Thanos will have that stone." She moves closer, as to intimidate. But so do I.

"That's not going to happen." Captain says, seemingly unbothered but determined.

"I will make sure of it." I growl.

Proxima directs her gaze to me.

"The traitor... or at least, one of them." She muses, a gleam flashes in those deadly eyes as she smirks at me. "You are nothing without your other half. A child in regards to your abilities. Weak." I know she's trying to get a rise out of me, I know it, but it's working.

Her words stroke the grief and self-doubt I had buried for this fight, making it rear it's ugly head. Before I get the chance to even move, King T'Challa speaks as Natasha moves me back.

"You are in Wakanda now. Thanos will have nothing but dust and blood." I look at the King with wide eyes, knowing he doesn't realize just who the Mad Titan is.

"We have blood to spare." Proxima states before striking her sword up into the air.

I scowl at her, but that falls into a frown when the drop ships begin to whirl and extend. We quickly make our way back to the frontlines.

"Are you ok?" Natasha asks as me move back towards the group.

"No, not really. But I'll be able to fight." I tell her, gathering what courage I can. She gives me a hesitant nod, but says nothing else. "I really hate her." I grumble, which earns me a small chuckle from Nat

I try to clear my mind and focus on my powers on the rest of the way back. I focus on what I feel, where it is, and how I can use that to my advantage, like I was taught. We get back to our forces as Bucky looks on edge but doesn't look away from the ships.

"They surrender?" He asks sardonically, knowing the answer.

"Not exactly." Captain breathes as I move to Natasha's side.

I feel the ship release the army that lurches inside.

"Here we go." I nervously breathe.

Falcon flies along the edge, circling as a scout, but I can already feel the pounding of their sharp and deadly paws vibrating against the ground. As they get closer, the thunderous pounding reaches my ears over the sound of my own heartbeat. I absorb the little bits of kinetic energy from them as they run. I feel Natasha's stare on my loose fingers which begin to glow a slight blue.

King T'Challa begins a battle chant as I feel the army slow at the edge of the tree line. Proxima strikes her sword down, letting it fall out of the air, and the army begins their charge forwards. There's more of them, more than I imagined. And they spill out of the tree line like a tidal wave of death, charging towards the dome.

[luna-is-a-main-now]

Trust chapter 2

Deceit shivered under the thick blankets, and whined softly as he slowly blinked open his eyes. It was morning, and he was alone on the couch, a thick red blanket tucked around him, but it was freezing compared to what Deceit truly wanted. With a long, tired sigh, he stood up and snapped himself into warmer, more comfy clothes. He peeked his head into the kitchen and was pleased to see Patton there, cooking what appeared to be chocolate chip pancakes. Deceit had no idea if his stomach could handle such heavy food yet, but he intended to find out, especially because said pancakes smelled absolutely heavenly.

As soon as Patton turned his back, Deceit snuck in and filched a warm pancake from the top of the stack next to the pan where more were being cooked. Quickly, he left before Patton spotted him, and took his stolen food to the couch, where he sat and slowly nibbled at it. It was pleasantly warm and perfectly fluffy, and the chocolate chips tasted rich and gooey and they had melted into the pancake perfectly. It tasted like heaven, and Dee melted into the couch in delight at the taste. It had been too long since he had such wonderful food and he gratefully appreciated being here right now to experience what he was now sure was a literally perfect pancake. 

Deceit thoroughly enjoyed his stolen pancake. 

Until his stomach decided that it didn’t enjoy the pancake as much as he had. With a dramatic sigh, Deceit flopped backwards onto the couch and buried himself under the thick blanket once more. He felt the couch give as someone sat next to him. 

“What’s up with you?” He heard the unmistakably grumpy voice of Virgil. When Deceit stubbornly refused to reply, he heard an amused huff as he was shoved off the couch, blanket and all, falling with a loud thump and a muffled ‘oomph’ of surprise. He popped his head out of the top of his blanket burrito and pointedly glared at Virgil and ignored a chuckling Roman while he tried to keep his mind off of his rolling stomach, made even worse by the tumble off the couch.

Virgil smirked wickedly back at him, before standing up and heading to the kitchen. Roman, ever the knight in shining armor, picked Deceit up and plopped him back on the couch with a grin. Deceit grumbled and hid his face under the blanket to hide the small smile that graced his own features.

“Well good morning to the grumpy snake. Would you like me to grab you some breakfast?” Roman questioned him gently, and Deceit could see the hope in his eyes practically begging him to say yes. He bit his lip and thought about how he already felt uncomfortably full from just one pancake, but glancing back up at Roman, he sighed in defeat. He couldn’t outright say no to that face, after all. 

“Yeah, sure, but… not too much. I’m not really hungry.” Deceit admitted. Roman looked him over skeptically, like he didn’t know whether or not Deceit was lying, which he supposed was fair considering his track record. “I promise, Roman. If I were hungry, I’d tell you first.” The prince seemed to be pleased by that answer, and with a bright smile and a quick wave, he headed off towards the kitchen. 

“What is wrong with me?” Deceit muttered to himself when he realized his face was warm and his chest felt tight. “It’s nothing. Nothing at all. That’s a problem for future Deceit.” He quickly mumbled, chasing away stray thoughts he didn’t want to think about. His head snapped around when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and was greeted by the sight of a now much more well-rested Logan. 

“Good morning, Dee.” Logan smiled at him as he adopted the nickname Roman had established for him the night before. Deceit still didn’t understand why Roman had adopted a nickname for him, but there was hardly anything he could do about it now. He sure as hell wasn’t going to admit out loud that he kinda liked it. “How are you feeling this morning?” Logan questioned as he sat in his spot on the couch. 

“I’m fantastic, thank you.” Deceit grumbled sarcastically, and burrowed back under the blanket when he felt Logan’s pointed look fall on him. He squirmed uncomfortably fow a few moments, but eventually grumbled and conceded to Logan’s unnerving stare. “Fine, fine. I feel better than I did but still pretty shitty.” He admitted quietly, and received a pleased hum in response. Cocky self assured bastard, Deceit thought with no real bite, just with the mild frustration that Logan could seemingly so easily get Deceit to speak up. 

“As to be expected at this stage. A few more days and you should start trying to eat heavier foods and eat more frequently, but for now, you should stick to occasional soup and not push it too much. The soup will help boost your immune and digestive systems quickly without shocking the latter too much after not eating in so long.” Logan commented as he picked up a book and opened it nonchalantly. 

“Yeah, I learned that the hard way. Tried to eat a pancake. It was really good but I don’t think my stomach appreciated the gesture all that much.” Deceit muttered in annoyance, but quickly shut his mouth as Roman reappeared, holding a small bowl, presumably filled with more soup. Logan watched on with a puzzled gaze as Deceit took the bowl from Roman, but Deceit quickly shook his head when he started to say something. Logan closed his mouth, but continued to watch Deceit closely with concern. 

As Patton set the table and handed out plates of food, Deceit stared down at his soup with a slight grimace. He knew he’d regret his inability to say no to Roman later, but for now, he really should try and eat some of the soup, if only to get the other sides to stop staring at him with the strangely worried expressions that seemed to land on him with unnerving frequency now. 

Slowly, as everyone else settled into their spots and started eating, Deceit managed to take a bite of his soup. His stomach immediately lurched in displeasure, but Deceit forced down two more bites before he pushed the still mostly full bowl away from him. The conversation at the table quickly dwindled as the other sides looked over at him, then at the bowl and back at him again. 

“Dee? You hardly ate any of it, are you feeling okay?” Roman called softly from beside him, placing a warm, gentle hand on his back and rubbing slight, soothing circles as well. Deceit instantly relaxed at the warmth and comfort that small action provided him, but didn’t let it show outwardly. 

“I am absolutely fantastic,” he forced out instead, ignoring the nausea bubbling in his stomach. He knew he hadn’t fooled any of them, but he wasn’t going to offer any other explanations. He stared at the floor and ignored their gazes stubbornly. He didn’t see why they should care about him this much. He wasn’t a light side and he never would be, so their care and concern was just wasted on him. Eventually they would realize that Deceit was still Deceit, and they would go back to throwing him looks of disgust and contempt, and he’d have to go back to his freezing room and all of this would be for nothing in the end. How could he ever hope to expect anything different? 

“Dee? You’re shaking.” He heard the muffled voice of Virgil, but he only sank further into his blanket and hid his face. He screwed his eyes shut for good measure. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to see the concern on their faces, especially not Virgil who he had once trusted and cared so much about before he had left without a word, without warning, without so much as a goodbye. He didn’t want to get attached again, to any of them, because he knew he’d just be left again. He was Deceit; he couldn’t be trusted and he couldn’t trust anyone else. 

He heard multiple muffled voices above him, but he couldn’t stop his spiraling thoughts now. He was trapped, and he knew, he just knew that he was going to end up alone in the dark, cold and hungry all over again. He dreaded the moment, but he knew it was inevitable because he was not a light side and not a dark side. He was an unwanted side, and that wasn’t going to change.  

“Dee!” Roman’s loud voice and a loud clap in front of his face snapped him sharply back to reality, and he harshly sucked in a stuttered breath. He heard Virgil start to count, and he immediately recognized it as the breathing exercise he used to calm down. Deceit struggled to match his breathing to the soothing counting, but eventually somehow managed to do it. He slumped forward, suddenly feeling very tired. He buried his face behind the blankets until not even a single hair on his head was visible from under his cocoon. He didn’t want to be here right now. There was only one place he wanted to be and he couldn’t possibly ask for it, and it would never be offered to him. 

“I’m okay. I’m sorry. I’m fine.” Deceit repeated over and over. He had to believe it. If he believed it, then it wasn’t a lie anymore. He was fine. He’d be fine when they all left him again. He was used to being alone. It was fine. He could handle it. Everything was fine. 

“Dee, please don’t lie to us. What’s going on?” Roman’s soft, concerned voice made Deceit want to cry. When he didn’t reply, he felt Roman’s hand start to rub soothing circles on his back again. He had never noticed when Roman had stopped doing it the first time. That still didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t get attached, would never let himself get attached to anyone like that ever again. 

“I’m tired and I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Deceit murmured, and sighed tiredly. He wanted to sleep for ten years. Preferably on a certain fluffy bed, in a warm room, and with- 

“Shut up, Deceit.” He snapped quietly at himself, and Roman paused in his soothing movements for a second, but didn’t question his outburst even though he was sure the rest of them had heard it. Not like it really mattered right now, not when Deceit was just so exhausted and wanted to pass out and escape all of this. 

“Dee, hey, can you look at me?” He heard Virgil ask soothingly from in front of him. He didn’t want to, but slowly he peeked his head out and looked at Virgil, who was kneeling on the floor, warily.  

“Will you tell us what’s going on later? I understand you need sleep now, but you can’t keep bottling up whatever it is that’s bothering you. You can trust us.” Deceit couldn’t help but snort harshly at that, making Virgil reel back with a confused expression. 

“I’m Deceit, Virgil.” He snarled darkly. “I’m not a light side, so whatever game you’re all playing you can stop. I know you can’t trust me, I am literally the embodiment of deception. How am I supposed to trust you all when you don’t trust me? Just because I’m weak and feel like shit right now doesn’t mean I’m magically one of you or part of your family. Just because I’m not a dark side doesn’t mean I can or will be all buddy buddy with the rest of you. You never should have helped me. Just because I’m no longer one of them, does not mean I am no longer Deceit, that I am different.” Deceit stood up and threw the blanket to the ground before turning and stalking off towards the Mind Palace’s exit. 

“Dee wait!” Roman’s voice called, and Deceit couldn’t help but freeze. He flinched in surprise when Roman hugged him from behind, effectively trapping him where he was. He hated this, he hated that he could never just say no to or ignore Roman. What was it about that stupid Prince that made Deceit feel so utterly helpless? 

“I trust you.” Roman murmured in his ear, cutting off his train of thought quite effectively. “I know that you aren’t different just because you aren’t a dark side anymore. That doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me is that you are okay. Please, just, let’s get you to bed. You need more rest. If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll respect that, but please, don’t leave.” Roman tightened his hold on Deceit, like he needed Deceit to know that he really did want him to stay. Deceit hesitated, then he finally reached down and took Roman’s hands in his, and slowly turned to face him.

“...okay.” He agreed quietly, hesitantly almost, as if waiting for Roman to take what he had said back. Roman only beamed brightly at him, then led him back the way they had come. Catching the surprised looks of the other sides, Deceit averted his gaze, and sighed in relief when he saw that Roman was leading him towards the stairs, hands still intertwined. Deceit realized he was completely powerless when faced with Roman. A small part of his brain whispered why, but he quickly decided to ignore it. That was still future Deceit’s problem. Current Deceit just wanted sleep. 

“Since you don’t have a room here, you can sleep in mine. Plus, it’s the warmest room, so you’ll be more comfortable, right? Is there anything else you need or want before you sleep?” Roman asked gently as he lead Deceit into his room. Deceit bit his lip and shook his head. The one thing he wanted was something he didn’t think he could ever ask for, even though he was getting half of what he wanted already by some sheer dumb luck. 

Roman led Deceit to the bed, and made to let go of his hand. Deceit quickly held fast, not letting him go. Looking at the floor, he took a deep breath to steady himself. He needed to say something, anything, in return for everything Roman has done. He may not be “good”, but he knew when a thank you was in order, and Roman had certainly done more than enough to earn one. 

“Thank you, Roman. For everything. I mean it. I really do appreaciate everything you’ve done to help me.” Deceit murmured quietly, not meeting the prince’s eyes. Before he could even think about letting go of Roman’s hand, Roman had gathered him up in a hug again, and Deceit really could not stop the small sigh of satisfaction at the action as he hugged the creative side back gratefully.

“No need to thank me, Dee. You’re a side. It doesn’t matter about light or dark; you’re just as important as the rest of us. You’re important to Thomas. You’re important to the other sides. You’re important to me.” Roman told him seriously, and leaned back to level his gaze at Dee, so he could see how serious he was. Deceit smiled and nodded, accepting Roman’s words without hesitation. 

“Come on, now. Let’s go to bed.” Roman grinned as he pulled Deceit onto the bed after him, pulling the blankets up over them both. Deceit froze, and looked at Roman curiously. He only got a soft smile in return as Roman laid his head down on his pillow, with clearly no intention to leave. Deceit relaxed and laid down as well, and took a deep breath; he felt warm and safe, and he had gotten exactly what he had wanted without having to ask or lie or manipulate his way there. It was given to him naturally by Roman’s good nature; and that made it all the more better to Deceit.

It didn’t take very long until Dee fell asleep, more comfortable than he had ever been. 

-----------------------------

Roman blinked his eyes open slowly. He was pleasantly warm and comfortable; he didn’t really want to wake up yet. He looked to his side, and saw Dee fast asleep, curled into Roman’s side with one arm draped gently over his chest. Roman couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Dee was never vulnerable or cuddly with anyone, and Roman felt like he was special to be able to see Dee so at peace for once. Not to mention that when he was asleep, the worried, anxious lines that had been etched into his face the past two days completely melted and he looked like one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen, regardless of the fact that they shared a face. Roman supposed it was the scales; he didn’t know why but Dee’s scales just made him so much more attractive than any of the other sides. 

That was a thought he had always had and would always keep to himself, though. 

On an impulse, Roman reached out and ran a gentle hand over Dee’s scales, and found that they were smooth and cool to the touch. Dee shivered and leaned into Roman’s touch, still fast asleep. Roman smiled and did it again, and watched as Dee relaxed more and more as he continued to run his hand either over his scales or through his soft hair. Eventually, Dee yawned slightly, and cracked his eye open curiously. 

“Rom’n?” Dee mumbled, voice still soft and laced with sleep. 

“Hey, Dee.” Roman greeted softly with a smile. “How’d you sleep? Do you feel better?” Dee sighed softly and his eyes fluttered closed again. 

“Mhmm. Warm and comfy.” He whispered, about to fall asleep again. “I feel a lot better. Stomach still hurts though.” 

“Why does your stomach hurt, Dee? What’s wrong?” Roman’s voice was now impossibly soft with concern, and he ran a gentle, caring hand through Dee’s hair again, making his eyes blink open again slowly, staring up at Roman blearily, before speaking softly. 

“I, uh, kinda stole a pancake this morning while no one was up and Patton wasn’t looking. It smelled amazing and I just, I dunno, I wanted one even though I knew it wasn’t good for me yet. It was really, really good. My stomach doesn’t like it though.” Dee frowned, like he was upset at his stomach for not cooperating. Roman found it cute, even if he was concerned about what that meant. 

“I see. Be a little more patient. We’ll have you back on heavier foods soon, but not too quickly, okay? You should have told me before though; I’m sure that extra soup I brought you didn’t help. Anyways, do you wanna talk about what happened?” Roman asked softly. Dee immediately tensed, but then sighed heavily, almost in defeat, and nodded. 

“I guess.” Dee sat up and pointedly faced away from Roman, and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around them. “I just, I don’t understand why you guys are acting like you care about me so much. I’m not a light side. I’ll never be good, and I’ll never be one of you. I’m still Deceit. I don’t think Patton is ever going to approve of me in any way. I think he’s just being nice for your sake. Sooner or later though… you’ll all realize that nothing has changed. The dark sides don’t accept me anymore, sure, but that doesn’t mean I’m still not technically one of them. Eventually, it’ll all just go back to the way it was and you’ll all leave me again and I’ll always be so, so cold and hungry and sick again.” Dee curled up even more, burying his head in his arms, and Roman hated how small he looked. “I’m just the unwanted side.” He whispered that last part shakily, and Roman could swear he felt his heart clench at the soft, bordering-on-broken voice. 

“Oh, Dee, no, that’s not true. At least, not for me. I can’t speak for the others, but I want you to stay. I do care about you, and I promise you’ll never have to be alone like that a second time. You will never have to be that cold or hungry ever again, I swear that to you. I won’t ever allow that to happen. Okay?” Roman swore firmly, and Dee peeked over his shoulder and seemed to study Roman’s face for a long while. 

“Really?” Dee’s voice was hesitant and unsure, like he couldn’t really bring himself to trust Roman’s words at face value. He bit his lip uncertainly and stared at Roman’s eyes, searching for any indication that Roman was lying, even though Roman knew that Dee could sense that naturally as he was basically the King of Lies. Whenever anyone lied, Dee just knew, he could feel the lie almost as if it were a physical sensation across his skin, or so Roman assumed. 

“Really.” Roman swore vehemently. “I promise. If you want, I can even talk to the others about this too. Even if they don’t feel the same, which I honestly doubt, that still would not change that fact that I will protect you now. You will never have to go through that again.” Roman smiled at Dee softly. “So come back here and stay warm, okay?” 

Dee hesitated only a moment longer before practically launching himself at Roman. Roman was surprised when the other snaked his arms around his neck and gave him one of the tightest hugs Roman had ever received. It was like Dee was desperate to show Roman just how much he appreciated his words, which was completely unexpected coming from the snake-like side. Not that Roman minded in the slightest; quite the contrary actually. 

“Thank you. Thank you, Roman. So, so, so much.” Dee whispered in Roman’s ear. “Also, you are very warm.” He chuckled at his shy admission, and Roman did as well, returning the hug just as tightly. 

“No need to thank me, Dee. Honestly. I’m just glad you’re alright. Well, getting there.” Roman murmured back to him soothingly, which resulted in a tighter hug and a soft hum of agreement. 

“Why… why do you care about me though?” Dee’s hesitant voice almost made Roman want to cry. He wondered who had made Dee feel so insecure and unworthy of care and concern even when he so clearly was. It didn’t really matter anymore though, Roman reasoned, because he would make sure he would never feel that way again. 

“Because you deserve it, Dee. You deserve just as much love and care as the rest of us do, no matter what anyone else says. You are just as important as us, and I care about you. I don’t have a specific reason, but that’s because I shouldn’t need one to deem you worthy of love and care and concern. You are already worthy of those things simply because you are here and you exist, just here, just you.” Roman stated, and pulled away just enough to look at Dee’s eyes. “You are enough exactly as you are. You are wanted exactly  as you are. You are loved exactly as you are. Okay?” 

Dee didn’t seem to know how to reply to that. He stared at Roman with his mouth slightly open in a little ‘o’ and his eyes kept searching Roman’s. He looked totally and completely shocked and surprised. Roman wondered what was going on inside his head as he just started at Roman like he was the only thing in the room. Then his mouth twitched, and slowly slid into a sort of shy and pleased smile as he appeared to accept what Roman said, and gave him a small nod, and hugged Roman tight once more. 

“You always know what to say. How do you do that?” Dee chuckled softly, and the sound made a shiver roll down Roman’s spine. Roman smirked wickedly at the question though, and gave a long, dramatic sigh.

“Oh I suppose it’s just one of my many great talents as a prince! You know, with all the speeches and royal decrees we must give it is a skill I must have. Oh, the burdens of being such a wonderful prince such as I.” Roman intoned dramatically with a sarcastic undertone, and grinned widely as he heard Dee snort in amusement at his words. 

“Ah, yes, of course. I should have guessed that it was just a natural talent the wonderful and brave prince Roman would have! How silly of me to ask.” Dee replied with just as much sarcasm, finally pulling away and grinning at Roman. Roman practically melted; a genuine smile on Dee was almost too adorable and beautiful for him to process. 

Oh.

Oh. 

Roman’s eyes widened when he realized what he had just thought to himself and what it meant. Now that he had, he couldn’t stop himself from admitting it to himself. Roman had a major crush on Deceit, and even though it had come out of nowhere, he didn’t mind it in the slightest. 

Roman grinned widely back at the boy in question; he knew Dee couldn’t possibly feel the same way about him, but that was not going to stop Roman from trying. 

It was time for Roman to romance the hell out of a boy, for better or for worse. 

God, he hoped it was for better. 

Time to try, at least.

-----------------------------

Deceit was constantly being amazed by Roman. Now, though, with everything Roman had done for him and said to him, Deceit was surprised he wasn’t rendered completely speechless. That is, until he saw Roman’s expression morph into something impossibly soft, and he smiled so big at Deceit as if he had just come to a wonderful conclusion and Dee was at the very center of it all and Roman couldn’t be happier about it. It took effort to remind his lungs to continue breathing while Roman gave him that look, but Deceit couldn’t say that he disliked it all that much.

“I know you said that your stomach hurt just a few minutes ago, but despite that, are you hungry at all? I can heat you up some more soup.” Roman offered, and his voice snapped Deceit’s attention back to him violently from where he had been trying desperately to ignore the soft expression on Roman’s face, not that he had much luck in that particular endeavor. Dee took a few moments to consider how he felt, and when he focused on his stomach, he frowned slightly. 

“I mean, my stomach doesn’t hurt anymore, so that’s good. However, I don’t feel particularly hungry either? Just kinda empty but not in a bad way?” Deceit tried to explain. “I can try to eat a bit more though, but I don’t make any promises. Might as well try to eat and possibly help myself rather than not eat and possibly regret it later.” He shrugged slightly. 

“Wonderful way to look at it!” Roman exclaimed, pleased, as he rolled out of bed and onto his feet. With a quick snap, his clothes straightened back out and looked just as perfect on him as they always did. Dee shook his head slightly to expel the thought as Roman rounded the bed and offered his hand out to him. Hesitantly, Deceit took it, and Roman gently pulled him up to his feet, and led them, hand in hand, down the stairs. 

Deceit realized that they had slept well into the afternoon, and that despite them being gone so long, it seemed as though the other sides hadn’t moved from their positions from breakfast. He knew they must have though; all the dishes had been cleared, the table cleaned, and they had all changed into their normal clothes as opposed to their pajamas and sleep clothes from earlier in the morning. When he and Roman walked into the living room, all conversation ceased as the other sides looked up at the two of them quickly. 

Deceit tensed, and practically ripped his hand from Roman’s as he straightened up and made sure his expression stayed carefully neutral. He had shown them all far too much of himself this morning. Granted, Virgil had already known him before, but that was a long time ago, and even he no longer knew exactly who Deceit was any more. A part of him wanted to keep it that way. Another part wanted to tell him and hoped that the two of them could at least get along in some way again. He didn’t know which side he wanted to win and that thought scared Deceit almost as much as he was now terrified of losing… Roman. 

That thought hit him like a freight train, and he froze the second he had realized he’d had it. Dammit, Deceit, he thought to himself harshly. You went and got attached, even when you said you wouldn’t. Maybe… maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing though? Looking at the other sides as Roman headed off to the kitchen to fetch him some soup, Dee let himself take a deep breath. 

Maybe he could learn to trust again. Maybe he could learn to love again. Maybe he could learn how to be part of a family again.

God, Dee hoped so, especially as his mind helplessly returned to thinking about how Roman had looked at him earlier while they had still been in bed, the one that had made Dee’s heart nearly stop. 

Selfishly and a bit shamelessly, Dee realized he wanted Roman to look at him like that again. 

However, Dee smiled softly to himself, that was still future Deceit’s problem. 

For now, at least.

[tags and a little note]

Still don’t know how to even do a proper tag list but! 

@themelodeeartz

I hope you all enjoyed reading this!! I hope it’s good lol

Now that this actually has a proper title, you can find it and other works of mine on Ao3 @The_anon_that_writes 

Thank you so much for reading this far!!

[starshapedkookie]

“i’d rather be dead.”

PAIRING: jungkook x female reader

GENRE: smut, angst, jungkook is a fratboy but it’s not a frat au

WARNINGS: unprotected sex! protected sex! oral! (f. recieving) fingering! pretty vanilla sex tbh. swearing! smoking! cheating! (pls guys don’t cheat i know jungkook seems like a bad guy but he’s really not, he’s a sweetie) 

SUMMARY: Your relationship with Jeon Jungkook was complicated, if you could even call it a relationship. Despite your obvious feelings for one another, a major obstacle stands in the way. As selfish as you both of you might be, there’s nothing that could keep you away from each other and Jungkook himself begins to question what’s right and wrong. 

.

[12:42 AM] you up?

Your eyes have been scanning the text message now for at least five minutes—maybe even ten. You nearly roll your eyes. After all this time you think that he would pick up another expression that was less typical.

[12:48 AM] yup

You answer him shamelessly. You hate to admit it, but you’ve been waiting for this—for him—to contact you all night. It’s become somewhat of a regular occurrence now.

[12:50 AM] let’s go for a drive

Your eyebrows furrow at your phone. You bite your lip hesitantly before responding.

[12:51 AM] alright, pick me up in 10

You hop out of your bed to straighten yourself together. You throw on a fresh pair of underwear, leggings, and a spritz of your favorite vanilla scented perfume. Thankfully, your classes the day before didn’t wear you down too bad so your makeup free face looks decent. You leave your room quietly, not wanting to wake your roommate at this hour. As a pre-med major, she valued sleep a lot more than you did. Just a few minutes later, your phone dings.

[1:02 AM] i’m here punkin

You want to outwardly gag at his pet name for you. He only uses it when he wants something, but as usual, you’re willing to give him anything he wants—nickname or not.

You leave your apartment complex and find his black SUV parked on the opposite street. You quickly check the roads before running across and opening his passenger door. It’s a little too chilly to be parading around town this late at night, but both of you knew that it was worth it.

“Hey,” you greet him as you buckle up. Your eyes glance over to him. His own eyes are set right on you.

“Hey,” he half smiles, a playfulness to his tone. His eyes linger on your face for a few seconds before he turns his attention back to driving, pulling away from the curb. Fuck, you think to yourself, why is Jeon Jungkook so fucking hot.

“This is new,” your tone is distinct. Jungkook had never taken you out for a drive this late. It didn’t bother you at all, but it was quite strange as he was a creature of habit—a trait you’ve picked up on over the course of knowing him.

Jungkook lets out an exasperated laugh, “What? You don’t like it?” He glances at the side of your face. He notices the bags under your eyes but doesn’t say anything.

“I never said that,” you retort, “It’s just… normally we’re at each other’s apartments, not out driving at one AM,” you find it in you to stare at him now. Like you, he looks tired, exhausted, drained—all the synonyms you could think of. His face looked drier than usual and even in the dark, you could see the faintness of blue underneath his eyes.

“I’d figure this would be a nice change in scenery,” he shrugs and there’s a smile hidden on his lips, though it doesn’t fully show through.

You let out a quiet chuckle and then the car goes silent. You spare him another glance and his eyes meet yours for a split second before turning back to the road. Your foot bounces anxiously on the floorboard and it feels like something is wrong with him. Should you ask him? Is that overstepping your boundaries? Fuck it.

“You okay?” You ask him. Jungkook doesn’t seem to expect your question the way his eyebrows furrow quickly. His mouth presses into a firm line before nodding his head.

“Yeah, uh,” he pauses, “Just a rough day of classes is all,” he mutters, scratching his head aimlessly.

For some reason, you don’t believe him—but you drop it.

“How was your day?” He asks you and a small giddy sensation erupts in your tummy—you loved when he asked about the little things in your life—despite your situation together, it was always nice. Nice because well, it made it seem like he somewhat cared about you.

“Slow, boring, what’s new,” you sigh, rubbing your hands along your thighs nervously. He made you nervous. You had no reason to be nervous around him—yet, you absolutely did, you just tried not to think about it. You had no business being here with him at this hour, but here you were.

When Jungkook doesn’t respond again, you know for sure something is up.

“Where are we going?” The question slips from your mouth, a little attitude coming out with it. You hated when people say they’re okay when clearly they’re not. You had no reason to care about him this much but you did and it made your fists clench in your lap.

He shrugs, “Where do you wanna go?” His brown eyes look at you once more. Without a warning, he rests his right hand down by your knee, giving you a small squeeze. You inhaled deeply before swallowing your dry mouth.

“Pull over,” you tell him, “Up in there,” you point up ahead of you, into an empty parking lot.

“You’re really making me pull into the campus library lot?” Jungkook halfway groans and when you give him a glare he holds his hands up, “Kidding! I’m kidding,” he laughs deep from his chest.

You watch the way his hands turn the wheel in the lot, the veins sticking out from underneath his hoodie that’s pushed up on his arms. The sight makes you squirm in your seat. Your foot stays nervously bouncing as he puts his car in park, keeping the engine on for some warmth due to the chilly weather outside. You fiddle with your hands aimlessly. You don’t think he’s ever been this quiet—and that’s saying a lot since he’s one of the quietest people you know.

You can hear his breathing—it’s heavy and ragged. You look over at him and his eyes are closed, his hands still gripping the steering wheel tightly. You unbuckle yourself and turn your body towards him hesitantly.

“Kook, are you sure you’re okay?” You ask him once again, “You’re kind of worrying me…” you trial off your words, unsure else of what to say. He opens his eyes, looking straight ahead before he aims his attention towards you.

“Fuck,” he mutters, running a hand through his hair harshly, tugging at the roots. He closes his eyes briefly again, exhaling a sigh before looking back at you, “I-I’m sorry, it’s just—“

He stops himself from finishing his sentence.

You reach over and grab one of his hands, squeezing it tightly, “It’s okay, what’s wrong?”

He looks down at your hand overtop of his, “It’s just… it’s getting harder on me each day,” he tells you honestly and you immediately know what he’s talking about. Or in fact—who he’s talking about. “It’s so hard for me to keep lying to her,” he exhales, biting his bottom lip nervously.

Every time the topic of her came up, you wanted to vomit. Not because you didn’t like her, but because you felt like an absolute bitch—and you were being an absolute bitch—but Jungkook was also an adult who could make his own decisions.

“Then stop lying to her,” your words are severe, unfriendly even. “You’re being selfish Jungkook.”

He lets out a sarcastic laugh, “And you’re not?”

Your face falls at his words and he immediately regrets saying them.

“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that,” he grabs your hand tighter before you can pull it away. “Y/N I’m sorry okay.”

“Jungkook, you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” you think you’re telling him words of wisdom but in truth—he was right. You were selfish. You wanted to have him. You wanted to call him yours. You knew it was wrong but you couldn’t stop yourself even if you wanted to. But you knew that he needed to get his shit together or more than one person might get hurt.

“I know,” he says, “It just stresses me out, we’ve been together so long… I don’t know what to tell her,” he shakes his head in frustration.

“I’m not going to sit here and tell you how you should break up with her if that’s what you think Jungkook,” you meant it too.

“I’m not asking you to,” he says, “I just don’t want to hurt her.”

You swallow deeply, “Jungkook you have to be honest and tell her exactly what you feel. She may get hurt, you may feel hurt, but we both know this isn’t good for you.” Or you.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this shit,” he breathes heavily, “It’s not fair to either of you.”

You don’t say, you tell yourself. It was like going in circles with him. One second he tells you he wants to be with you and then another he isn’t sure what he wants. You remain silent, your eye contact not breaking away from each other. You purse your lips inward, letting out a deep breath. You instinctively grab for his hand again to which he gives it to you willingly. His face studies your own, his brown eyes fleeting with a devilish innocence. Devilish innocence—oxymoron for sure—but that was Jungkook.

“Do you want me to take you back home?” His voice erupts the silence. Your eyebrows scrunch at him, not expecting him to say that.

“Home?” You mutter. Jungkook’s face relaxes and you bite your lip, “You… don’t want to…?” Your words are hesitant, unsure if you’re actually even talking to him. He raises an eyebrow at you, a small smirk spreading over his lips.

“What? Fuck?” He replies quickly, licking his lips in the process. “Of course I’d love to fuck you Y/N, although a car isn’t really my favorite setting for that.”

“I—“ you stop yourself from talking before you give him a mischievous look. “I mean I’d hate to have you drop me off with that problem in your pants,” you bat your eyelashes at him almost desperately. He visibly swallows and he shifts his body in the seat uncomfortably.

He rolls his tongue on the inside of his mouth before chuckling, “All you gotta do is ask punkin.”

You’re too far away from him for your liking so you take it upon you to shift your weight towards him, leaning on your elbow on the middle console. Jungkook follows your lead, his face now just mere inches from your own. His eyes bore into yours and you can smell hints of his cologne he probably put on early in the morning.

“You know I hate that nickname,” you pudge your bottom lip out in a pout. Jungkook captures your pout with his own lips for split second.

A laugh rumbles from his chest, “Well it’s not going anywhere, punkin,” he emphasizes it once more before he kisses you again. Your lips mold with his easily, having kissed him numerous times now. You feel your body heating up quickly, in between your thighs already aching for some contact. Jungkook deepens the kiss, holding your neck in place, your own hands fumbling to hold a side of his sculpted face, tugging his hair at the base of his neck. You let out a small whine when he breaks the kiss, his lips trailing down the side of your face onto your neck, just behind your ear. He takes his time, his lips gentle, his teeth nipping at the skin to elicit responses from you.

“J-Jungkook,” you breathe out.

“Hm?” He mumbles, his eyes taking a short glance at your face.

“Touch me,” you command, your voice breaking off at the end. He meets your lips again with his own, his own pants becoming too restricted himself. Both of you are hungry, aching for each other where you need each other the most.

“Where?” He asks, his forehead resting against yours, your mouth chasing his back. He pulls away and you groan. He’s in one of those moods—to tease the shit out of you.

“Jungkooook,” you whine, gripping his sweatshirt with a full fist.

“Punkin, you’re needy tonight huh,” he smirks, pecking your lips again, his left hand trailing from your neck down to your waist to pull you closer despite the console that separates the two of you.

“Shut up,” you mumble, “Says the one who texted me at one AM wanting to fuck,” you cock your head to the side and he follows, chucking again.

“You know I would take your pussy everyday if I could, punkin,” he responds and you’re starting to get impatient. With a deep breath, you grab his hand and put it right where you need some friction. He lets you press it fully against you and you sigh, immediately feeling some relief through your leggings—though you know it won’t be enough in a few minutes.

Jungkook closes the gap again, your lips attacking each others in a frenzy. His hand palms you carefully through the material and you press your hips outward to feel more of him and he groans in the back of his throat, feeling how wet you’re already getting for him.

“Spread your thighs a little more,” he says and you do as you’re told in the seat, feeling slightly uncomfortable but that is the last thing on your mind at the moment. Unexpected to you, his hand moves to the inside of your pants, his fingers now brushing against your bare pussy. 

 “God,” he groans, able to feel all of your wetness now, “I bet you could take me right now huh?” He muses, his fingers sliding up and down your open folds. His thumbs moves to find your clit, rubbing the area with some tough friction—a whimper coming from within you. He knew your body and exactly how to work it, which is one reason why you couldn’t step away from him. It was just another reason to be infatuated with him.

You bite down on your lip when his middle finger dips into you down to the knuckle, “Fuck, Jungkook—“ your are cut off when he puts in another digit, the stretch feeling familiar and all too good. You grab his wrist to keep his fingers deep inside of you. He watches as your face contorts as he begins to move them in and out of you slowly, a small moan leaving your lips which causes his pants to twitch. He buries into your neck again, kissing the soft skin, biting and sucking the area a little harder this time. His thumb continues to work at your sensitive clit as his fingers press in and out of your tight walls and your mind is starting to become fuzzy, overloaded with thoughts of him. Between his small kisses against your neck, his deep breathing, your deep breathing—it’s all becoming too much. A familiar tightening rips through your lower belly and you gasp as he hits the g-spot deep within you, his thumb rubbing relentlessly.

Your head falls against his, your chest heaving up and down, “Jungkook I’m g-gonna come,” you manage to let out in a strangled breath, his fingers doing enough to send you over the edge.

“C’mon Y/N,” he groans into your shoulder, “Come on my hand, wanna feel you dripping all over me,” he says looking up at you again. You close the distance quickly, your hand pulling him impossibly closer to you. Your tongue dips into his mouth trying to conceal the ministrations from your lips.

“Ah—shit—“ your orgasm hits you suddenly, thee built up tension bursting all at once. It’s a strangled whine that comes from you, your forehead falling forward to his chest, your whole body shaking, your vagina tightening as he lets you ride out the high on his fingers.

He pulls them out of you slowly, the stickiness covering his entire hand. Once his hand comes out of your pants, you grab it as you feel yourself recovering quickly. Without a warning, you take his fingers into your mouth, sucking long and slow on the digits, tasting yourself on his slender hand. Jungkook marvels at you, his lips parted at the sight. He bites his lip hard, his hand instinctively going down to palm him through his pants. He’s hard—so fucking hard—and he needs to fuck you as soon as possible.

“Fuck, m’here,” he chokes out grabbing your body to pull it over the middle console. Jungkook was strong and he made sure people knew that. You let go of his fingers to aid him in helping your body climb over to his lap. You perch on top of him, grabbing his face to kiss him, grinding down on his dick that’s up in his pants. The contact feels good. You’re still sensitive but it feels so good.

“Fuck,” he hisses, “Take these off,” he pulls at your leggings and underwear and you do as he says, trying your best despite the crammed space. You manage to get one leg of your pants off which is good enough for you and him. Your hand finds its way into his pants, feeling his thick and hard cock through his underwear against your hand. He places a sloppy kiss on your jawline, his breath uneven and shaky as you start to pump him along his length. He nips and licks, his hands finding your breasts in the process. God, did Jungkook love boobs—specifically your boobs. He squeezes them as he watches the way you give him a hand job between your bodies.

“I wanna feel you around my cock punkin,” he mumbles biting your bottom lip and he groans when you give him a rough tug on his dick. “Right n-now.”

“Whose the needy one now?” You remove your hand from his pants but he grabs your wrist, his eyes reading you with a sadness.

“Fuck please Y/N,” he moans as you grind down on his thighs once again, “Fuck yourself on my cock, you always look so pretty doing that,” his hands grip your waist tightly, holding you in place over his dick.

You whine at his preposition licking your lips, your wetness staining his grey pants the more your sit on nothing.

“You wanna do that?” He asks you innocently and you nod quickly.

“Yes, y-yes please, fuck—let me fuck you Jungkook,” you’re begging him and he gives you a soft smirk.

“Sit up,” he demands and you do, watching him as his hands pull down his sweatpants and underwear, his pretty dick popping out, finally free. Your mouth waters at the sight—he’s thick and veiny and he always fills you up oh so good. He’s so hard and pink, pre cum dripping out of his tip. “Take your shirt off,” he adds and you follow so, throwing it to the back of his car.

Jungkook is pumping his dick slowly and torturously, fumbling around to find a condom. You find one before him and grab it, opening it carefully, his eyes on you the whole time. You roll the condom down on his length and he sucks in a breath at the touch. You grab at his jaw once you are done, pecking him on the lips lightly.

“Let me sit on you Jungkook, please,” you breathe out and he nods feverishly, grabbing hold of his dick, sliding it up and down your wet pussy to coat himself better. Your jaw drops at the sensation, your hands falling down to grip onto his bony shoulders. He finds your entrance, his tip begging to be swallowed by you but he hesitates, only pumping the tip in and out of you slowly.

“Oh god,” you breathe, “Fucking hell Jungkook, hurry up,” you groan at the feeling, his cock twitching in excitement.

He finally begins to push inside of you—slowly but surely—his chest tightening up, a low moan escaping his mouth. He watches himself disappear inside of your dripping pussy, the warmth encasing him all at once. You let out a whimper of joy—relief even—as he continues to push up inside of you, his hands gripping your waist so tight you think he might leave marks.

He stops pushing to let you finish doing the job, your hips sinking down on him fully, bottoming out all the way inside of you.

“Fuck Y/N,” he heaves heavily, watching how there’s no space left between either of you. Both of your jaws fly open when you adjust yourself to be more comfortable against his thighs. He’s so thick and big and he’s perfect for your insides. Sometimes you think you can feel him in your guts, rearranging them over and over again.

You don’t realize it until he says something, but you’re clenching around him tightly and then unclenching in small bursts.

“Shit, punkin, stop doing that—I-I don’t wanna come yet,” his words are ragged and breathy. He’s about to fucking lose it against you.

“Nmh,” you mumble, “I-I can’t h-help it, K-Kook, you’re so big and h-hard,” your whines are strained and Jungkook throws his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes, trying to contain himself.

“Fucking hell, ride me punkin. Move that pretty pussy,” he bites his lip hard and you begin to lift your hips slowly, backing off his length. Your head falls forward and you watch yourself leave his cock and you settle back down slowly, a faint noise coming out of your lips. You start to find a steady pace against his rock hard length and Jungkook watches you with hooded eyes, droopy and heavy, his mouth drying out as he can’t find it in him to close it. As the moments go on, he spreads his legs out even further to allow you the most surface area as possible and you’re starting to pick up the pace, starting to get greedy for more.

“God you take my cock so fucking well,” he seethes through his teeth, his hands fumbling around your breasts, your stomach, your waist, your neck—everywhere he could touch.

“So well Kookie,” the nickname escapes from your mouth and Jungkook smiles, knowing you only say it when you’re feeling really good. “All for you,” you grind up and down on him, your clit brushing against his pubic hair, bubbling the nerve endings enticingly.

As you go faster, you’re not getting all of him in you so you slow down once again to fill you right back up to the brim. Your hands are clammy against his shoulders and you feel another orgasm approaching quicker than you would like.

“Kookie, I—can’t,” your tone breaks and he nods, understanding you completely before he grabs your hips tightly, beginning to thrust up into you matching your pace. You wish badly his sweatshirt was off, wanting nothing more to feel your chest against his but the way he fucks himself into you, it’s alright if it’s on. His mouth attaches to one of your nipples, sucking and kissing at the sensitive bud, heightening your incoming orgasm.

He begins to fuck up into you faster, signaling he’s just as close as you are. Your arms have given out and you lay against his chest, entangling your fingers into his dark locks. You don’t even think you’re in reality anymore when the wave of your second orgasm hits you. It’s stronger than the first one, your legs and core absolutely shaking. Your pussy clenching and unclenching around him once more is his breaking point.

“Ah—fuck! Jungkook!” Your voice comes out as a halfway scream, pleasure overwhelming all of your senses.

“C’mon, that’s it, that’s it,” he fumbles to speak coherent thoughts, his eyes closing in pure pleasure as he feels himself start to unravel. He rams himself up as far as he possibly can and then he’s a goner—his own orgasm hitting him at once. “Fuck—fuck, fuck!”

His name leaves your lips in a repeated melody and he shuts you up with a kiss which takes you by surprise. He kisses you hard and rough as he fucks out his high with a few more strokes into you, both of you holding each other as close as possible. You’re the one to pull away from him, your foreheads sticking together from sweat. You let your face fall into the crook of his neck, his own nuzzling in your shoulder, kissing the skin gently. Coming down from a high was always nice but it was the worst part at the same time—it meant your time with him was over. And you hated that.

The windows are foggy and the air is suffocating. You pull away from his chest, slipping his dick out from inside of you. His eyes are closed and you aren’t even sure he noticed what he had done. Kissing while orgasming was not something either of you did—it felt too intimate for your situation. Both of you had done it when your relationship first started but you had to put a stop to it—like you said, it was too intimate.

You crawl off of his lap back into the passenger seat, pulling your pants back up. Jungkook awakens from his daze, glancing at you before he himself takes the condom off and tugs his pants up. You find your shirt behind you and slip it on quickly, the car falling into a silence.

“Y-you ready?” Jungkook says, his voice somewhat trembling. Maybe he does know what he did? You glance at him with a small smile.

“Yeah, I’m tired,” you tell him and he nods, grabbing your hand to intertwine your fingers.

The ride back to your apartment felt long, it felt hot, it felt—suffocating. And despite knowing exactly what Jungkook did and how awful you should feel but once again—you don’t.

.

The next time you see Jungkook is four days later on a Tuesday. You’re in one of the campus cafes with your roommate Mina when you see him walk in with her hanging off of his arm. They’re smiling and laughing and it fucking hurts. Mina notices the way you’re glaring at them. She snaps in your face.

“Hey! Dipshit! Stop staring,” Mina scolds you in a whisper.

“What?” You break off your glare, “Huh? I wasn’t staring.”

She gives you her own glare, “If you aren’t staring then what are you doing?”

“Observing,” you answer simply, taking a huge gulp of your iced latte.

“You’re burning holes into his chest, don’t look so obvious,” she scolds you again. “Do you want to look suspicious and get caught?”

“I’d rather be dead,” you say impassively.

“Well, then stop fucking staring,” she seethes with somewhat of an annoyance.

You somewhat pout, “I can’t help it Mina.”

“You know exactly what I’m going to say.”

You bite your lip nervously, looking away from her. Mina loved you having been your best friend of many years and she wanted to see you happy. But the situation with Jungkook, she was torn. She saw how happy Jungkook made you, but she inwardly wished you hadn’t pursued him until he was relationship free. Being a home-wrecker wasn’t something Mina wanted you to be. She knew you were better than that.

“Y/N you know this isn’t healthy for you,” she says, taking her own glances at Jungkook and his partner.

“He’s a grown adult,” you tell her, “He can make his own decisions.”

“Yeah, well,” she keeps her voice down, “When is he going to actually leave her? He’s been telling you that for two months you know.”

You purse your lips, “He said he doesn’t want to hurt her.”

“He’s hurting both of you playing each of you like a little toy,” she mutters in a venomous tone.

You bite your lip again—she’s right. More than right. She was always the more logical one out of the two of you.

“If he doesn’t grow some balls and actually fix the mess he’s made, you need to tell him to fuck off instead of fucking him every chance you get.”

You feel your face heating up in what feels to be anger at Mina’s words. However, the more you sit there, watching Jungkook and his girl talking as if you don’t exist—it’s not anger—it’s sadness.

.

It’s been two weeks since you’ve seen or spoken to Jungkook. It’s the longest you’ve gone without seeing him—and his dick—since you first met him a few months ago. It’s weird to say the least. You had not realized how much you actually thought about him daily once he stopped contacting you for whatever reason. You stared aimlessly at your phone each night, waiting for his typical ‘you up?’ text message. It never came. Neither have you. It’s partially why you’ve dragged yourself out to a frat party on a Saturday in October. If Jungkook wasn’t going to satisfy you—someone had to. Mina agreed to come with you, however you haven’t seen her since you both walked into the door.

You’re currently seated at the makeshift bar, a little too close to a hunky guy named Park Jimin. You’ve known Jimin for awhile now, having met him two years ago at one of these parties. Turns out—he’s your major too which aided in having someone to sit beside of in class when you were desperate.

“How you’ve been? I haven’t seen you out in awhile,” he takes notice of how your breasts perk up in your skimpy dress, but he doesn’t stare—Park’s a gentlemen.

“Yeah,” you say, swirling a finger around in your drink, “Just been busy, you know,” you shrug.

“I get it,” he responds, taking a swig of his beer. “I thought maybe you had snatched yourself up a boyfriend there for awhile,” he chuckles, his silver earrings swaying as he turns is head fully towards you.

You scrunch your face up, “No,” you laugh, “What made you think that of all things?”

“You’re beautiful Y/N, anyone would be lucky to snatch you up,” he says and you think he’s bluffing to get into your panties, but with his genuine smile, you know he means it.

“Park Jimin how you make a girl swoon,” you take a huge gulp of your vodka tonic, your palms sweaty. Inside—you feel bad. You feel fucking bad for talking to Jimin. You’re not dating Jeon Jungkook yet he’s clouding your mind as if you’re the one cheating on him. The fucking irony.

“You wanna go dance?” He asks you, resting a hand on your thigh. You glance at the hand and you suddenly feel a little less vulnerable and comfortable.

“Sure,” you smile, “Lemme finish this,” you say before tipping the liquid back into your throat quickly, chasing the bitter taste of vodka down in a frenzy. All you needed was some liquid courage in your veins and you would loosen up and hopefully—stop thinking about Jungkook.

Jimin extends a hand for you and you take it, squeezing it tightly as he drags through the bodies and bodies of people pressed up together. You get whiffs of cigarettes, weed, Juuls and more as you pass through everyone, not daring to let go of Jimin’s hand.

Both of you finally make it to the dance floor and he turns your body to be flush against him, your back pressing to his chest. His hands hold your waist tightly while your own hands cover over them. The upbeat R&B song has both of you swaying in sync. Lucky for you, Jimin was a dancer for many years so he knows his way around his body and how it moves. The thought turns you on. The song has everyone, including the both of you, screaming the lyrics out-loud. You feel yourself being less uptight and you grind your ass back into Jimin a little harder to test the waters with him. He obviously enjoys it as he presses his thigh in between your legs. The friction catches your breath and you bite your lip as you look back to him with a small smile. His breath fans across your lips and he licks his lips before slowly, pressing them against your own. His lips are soft, plump, luscious. A stark contrast to Jungkook—you remove your lips from Jimin quickly, your chest tightening.

“You okay?” Jimin asks in your ear over the music with concern.

You look at him with wide eyes wanting to slap yourself silly. “Yeah, s-sorry,” you shake your head leaning back into his chest once again. Jimin wants to kiss you again but he doesn’t yet, unsure of why you pulled away. Jimin nuzzles into your neck as both of you continue to dance along to the beat. Jimin’s arms snake around your waist protectively wanting to make you comfortable.

You obviously had not had enough to drink since Jungkook is still on your mind and is still—right there. You freeze when your eyes meet the familiar doe eyes in the corner of the room, a red solo cup in hand, by himself.

Little to your knowledge, Jungkook had been watching you as soon as he spotted you come in with Park. He refuses to break eye contact with you. He’s drunk and alone and he has to see his girl grinding up on one of his older frat brothers? What a fucking great night, he thinks. He downs the rest of his drink and throws the cup away before leaving the room. He needed some goddamn air.

Your eyes watch as Jungkook’s back turns the corner and leaves the room. You feel sick and you’re sweating much more profusely now. Fuck, you think. Why was Jungkook alone? He’s always with her at these things?

As much as you want to stay with Jimin—you hadn’t spoken to Jungkook in two weeks and it was slowly killing you. You couldn’t waste this opportunity. It might be your only one at this point if he wasn’t going to contact you anymore.

“Jimin, where’s the restroom?” You turn around quickly to meet his gaze.

“Um, down the hall at the very back on the right,” he says, “I’ll come with you?”

You shake your head, “No it’s fine. Thank you though,” you give him a reassuring smile before turning on your heels to walk away from him. God, you were such a shitty person.

You scan each room quickly as you pass them one by one, not seeing the familiar black mop of hair anywhere. Your heart is racing and you nearly trip over your heels and people every other step. You curse to yourself when you get to the back near the bathroom and haven’t spotted him but you realize a door that’s open, leading to the outside backyard.

You quickly rush outside, seeing plenty of people that aren’t Jungkook. That is, until you look all the way to your left, spotting a heavy head of black hair, a toned back facing you. You relax in your shoes and wipe your palms on your dress nervously. Fuck. You had no plan. What the hell were you going to say? Were you going to be a bitch about him not talking to you? Were you going to be nice?

You make your way over to his sitting frame on the steps. You stop right behind him for a brief moment before sitting down beside him. Jungkook slightly jumps and when he sees who it is, he turns his head away in annoyance. You notice he’s smoking some type of e-cigarette. He takes deep inhales of the vapor, holding it in a few moments before blowing it away in front of him.

“Kook?” You ask him hesitantly. His head turns to you slowly, his brown eyes meeting yours. He doesn’t say anything. He does however offer his vape. You grab it, inhaling a short amount before handing it back to him.

He chuckles before licking his lips, “I didn’t think you’d ever go for Park punkin,” as soon as he speaks you know he’s drunk, a little too drunk.

You ignore his comment with an eye roll. “What are you doing out here? By yourself?” You ask.

He gives you a small smile, “I’m getting fresh air,” he says with an obvious tone.

“By inhaling nicotine?” You raise an eyebrow at him, “Sounds about right.”

He doesn’t say anything else as he continues to puff on the vapor. He still didn’t answer your question.

“Is she here?”

Jungkook physically tenses up before clearing his throat. “Nope.”

Your furrow your eyebrows, “Oh…”

“I broke up with her.”

There it is. He lets it out there. His voice is monotoned, stable. He’s looking straight ahead. He’s fidgeting with his nails too.

“Oh,” you repeat, unsure of what to say. Jungkook looks at you from the corner of his eyes before turning his full attention on you.

“It fucking sucks,” he says. He’s much calmer now, almost somber. His eyes are sad. You want to look away from him but you can’t. “But you know what’s just as bad?”

“W-what?” Your tone is shaky.

“Seeing the one person who can understand me right now all over one of my brothers, grinding her ass into his dick in front of everyone.”

Your mouth parts open and your jaw clenches soon after. You narrowed your eyes at him, feeling slightly angry at his comment.

“Jungkook don’t even start this shit on me,” you tell him with ferocity. “You haven’t spoken to me in weeks.”

Jungkook wants to come back with a smartass comment but he refrains. He may be drunk and annoyed, but he doesn’t need you mad at him. If anything, you are exactly what he needs right now.

He shakes his head to himself, “Fuck Y/N I’m sorry,” his eyes are searching yours deeply, “It’s just… these past couple weeks have been hard and confusing, I feel kind of lost, I—I’m s-sorry okay?”

He sounds overwhelmed. Like he’s in need of twelve hours sleep. His eyes are tired yet they still hold the stars that you so adore. You place a hand on his face.

“You could have called me Jungkook, you know I’m here for you,” your words are honest. He keens into your touch before letting out a deep breath.

“I-I know,” he pauses, “But I thought just being by myself would clear my head a bit more, you know?”

You nod slowly even though you don’t fully understand. He takes your hand away from his face and holds onto it tightly.

“I’m still confused if I’m being honest,” he almost laughs. “I just need some time…”

You chew on your bottom lip, “Take as long as you need Kook,” you say. You mean it. You should have known this would be harder on him than you imagined. You wouldn’t know—you have never been in a relationship as long as he has. Well had. You should feel elated, but seeing him so down makes you feel that way too.

“You’re too good for me punkin,” he looks down at your intertwined hands. No, you think, you’re too good for me. You scoot closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder. It’s too cold to be sitting out here but his body heat is enough for you at the moment. He leans his head on yours before kissing your head.

You glance up at him and without thinking, you press your lips on his. He captures them gladly, missing the feeling of yours on his own. He deepens the kiss which elicits a small moan from you. Your hand pulls on his hair, tugging him closer to you. His tongue dips in your mouth and the growing need to have him increases to 100.

“Come on,” he says, his voice deep and low. You follow him as he pulls you up from the stairs, leading you back into the house. You almost feel embarrassed when he pulls you into the bathroom you were supposed to be going to but all the shame goes away once he locks the door and presses you against the door.

Your lips meet each other in a hurry, the rush of everything hitting all at once. His hands roam your sides all the way down to your ass, giving it a good squeeze. He picks you up and sets you on the counter, your legs spreading naturally for him to stand.

“Kook,” you say as he trails his lips down your neck, to the center of your chest, “Are you sure?”

He looks up at you, pecking your neck gently, “I’ve never wanted anyone more than you punkin,” he’s being honest. Your face heats up at his comment and you nod eagerly watching him as he trails his nose down over your clothed stomach, inching closer and closer to your center. You’re aching for his touch and he can sense it by the way your jump when his fingers drag along your thighs.

He shoves your dress up to your belly button, leaving his face in front of your lace thong. He shoves his nose into your center, taking in your scent. His mouth waters and you drip at the sight. He licks you through the thin material once, twice. He can’t wait any longer as he pulls them down to your ankles quickly.

“Jungkook,” you whine pushing your hips off the sink to meet his mouth. His firms hands push you back down on the cold counter and he lets out a small laugh.

“Patience punkin,” he smirks before agonizingly presses a kiss onto your open pussy. Your whole body shutters as he begins to eat you out slowly but surely. He takes long languid licks from your bottom to the top, pressuring your clit more than anything else. Your hands fly to his hair to shove him further into you, your jaw dropping as he licks and sucks and kisses as if he’s drinking water after being in a drought.

“I love the way your pussy tastes,” his mouth vibrates against you and your head throws back, hitting the mirror in the process. He starts to dip his tongue deep into you and you feel like screaming and you almost do.

“Fuck! K-Kookie, oh my god” you whine as your hips want to naturally buck up into him but his firm grips stops you. You watch him with hooded eyelids as he moans and groans into your sloppy wetness. He inserts a finger to your surprise, then a second as he continues to work on your clit trying to rile an orgasm from you.

Your bundle of nerves starts to pulse and you know you’re close to coming. His fingers pump in and out of you at a relentless pace, his tongue working on you like a professional and you feel yourself tipping over the edge when he pushes you further into his mouth.

“Oh fuck—“ your voice is strained and whiny as you feel yourself come undone. He finally lets go of your hips and you ride out your high on tongue slowly, your whole body shaking from the intensity.

Jungkook looks up at you, satisfied with his work before he rushes to place a kiss on your lips. You kiss him back, palming him through his pants feeling him harden as you stroke him gently.

“Fuck I need to be inside of you,” he says breaking the kiss. You fumble with his belt and zipper, hurrying to push down the material. He springs free and he grabs his beautiful dick giving it a few strokes before lining it up with your entrance. “I don’t have any condoms—“ “It’s fine Kook,” you reassure him, “Just please fuck me already.”

He pushes into you without another warning, bottoming out all too quickly. He lets out a loud grunt as he hits the hilt, grabbing one of your thighs up to get him even deeper. Your body shakes as you still haven’t recovered from your orgasm and you feel him all too well. He’s filled you up completely and he wastes no time in moving, finding a steady pace for the both of you.

His hips snap against yours as the both of you fight to stay quiet in the tiny bathroom. You press your pelvis out to met his thrusts each time and you wrap your hands around his neck to hold his face close to you. His eyes meet yours and he’s burning a hole into you. You’re doing the same, unable to look away.

“How are you always so fucking tight?” He muses, slamming his hand behind you against the mirror to hold him steady.

“O-only for you K-Kookie,” you stutter out feeling another high coming in close. Jungkook’s pace picks up and he’s slamming into you, both of you now unaware of how loud the two of you actually are. His hand meets between your bodies rubbing at your clit vigorously. “Ah—Jungkook, I can’t,” it’s all too sensitive.

“Yes you can baby, I know you can. Do it for me,” you don’t know how he’s making coherent sentences but it only makes you want to orgasm again even further. Despite how uncomfortable the position is, as Jungkook continues to rub you, your high is right over the hill if only—

“Oh fuck—fuck,” Jungkook says, “I’m gonna come, come with me baby, come with—ah!”

You both reach your highs at the same time with strangled screams and curses. Jungkook pumps his hot and wet cum into you fucking himself down from his orgasm. Jungkook’s lips find yours and you sigh into his kiss, feeling more content than you had ever before. Jungkook goes limp inside of you, exhausted and drained. You continue to kiss each other until you decide to pull away slowly a string a saliva connecting the two of you.

“Ew!” You say in disgust as Jungkook lets out a glorious giggle. Of course he’d fucking giggle at a string of spit.

Jungkook leans against your forehead and you keep his head tucked between your hands. You give each other a smile knowing this time, you won’t have to leave each other after this, or so you’d hope. He pulls out of you, stuffing his sticky dick back into his pants.

“Y/N,” he says and you let out a ‘hm?’ “I want you to know… I’m a good person,” he continues and he closes his eyes as if he’s shy at what he’s saying.

“Of course I know that Kook,” you look at him with concern. Why would he say that? You caress his face gently and he looks at you with sad eyes—lonely eyes.

“I just hate how we had to meet,” he mutters, “I hated our circumstances… I don’t know I—“ he stops, “I just don’t want to you think I’m a bad person for what I did.”

You know what he’s talking about. The cheating. You hated the word. Possibly because it confronted what you were actually doing with him. Now, you guess, you weren’t anymore. Doesn’t make it any better.

“Jungkook nobody is perfect,” you tell him, “I don’t think you’re a bad person at all. In fact, you’re one of the most caring people I’ve met. You honestly care too much about what people think about you,” you try to laugh to lighten him up.

He gives you a small smile, “I know… I just don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you Kook,” you smile, “I promise.”

He gives you one last smile before kissing you again.

“Come on,” he breaks away, “Let’s go home.”

However, at this point, you weren’t sure what ‘home’ exactly meant.

[half-bakedboy]

everything that i want (but didn't think i'd find)

Chapter Seven

Rated: Teen Warnings: None Summary: Combat medic, Izzy, worked side by side with her pilot brother, Alec, to ensure the safety of the country and the most important people in their lives; their family.

Alec was starting a family with Magnus—a man Izzy never imagined her brother ending up with—and when the opportunity for them to get married on short notice during Izzy and Alec's summer block leave, Izzy couldn't have been happier for them. Izzy and Alec would make their way home to celebrate the momentous occasion and Izzy could leave everything behind without a second thought like she had when she was eighteen.

Falling in love with Magnus' sister, Clary, was never part of her plan and that threw her off kilter.

For the first time since Izzy could remember, she woke up happy. She was warm because of the solid weight of Clary’s arm around her waist and there was a smile on her face that she didn’t think she could possibly wipe away even if she tried her hardest. 

It was a day that Izzy wanted to remember forever; the day her brother was getting married to the love of his life and the day Izzy was gaining a brother-in-law who had shown her that she could be exactly who she wanted to be, no matter what. Not only did he provide Izzy with confidence and more style than she already had, but he also brought her to the beautiful woman beside her and Izzy wasn’t sure how she could possibly thank him for that. 

“Your breathing changed,” Clary whispered, her lips ghosting against Izzy's bare shoulder before she hooked her chin around it. “I know when you’re sleeping because your breathing gets really slow and shallow and I might have had to check if you were dead.” Izzy laughed brightly and pushed back until she couldn’t be any closer to Clary. 

“Well, I know you’re sleeping because your arm starts twitching like you’re painting,” Izzy responded, turning her head just enough to press a kiss to Clary’s cheek. 

“Hmm, no one has ever told me that before,” Clary noted, seemingly unembarrassed by the new knowledge. “Though, I can’t remember the last time I woke up with someone in my bed who didn’t flee before I got to talk to them.”

“Idiots, all of them,” Izzy said as she turned. 

Clary looked just as gorgeous as she had every other moment, except this time, Izzy knew that she was the cause of it. Clary was gazing up at her like she hung the moon and she finally saw what Alec and Magnus meant when they talked with her before. She leaned forward and kissed Clary gently, savoring each second that their lips pressed together as her hand stroked at the small patch of skin that peeked out of her pajama shirt. 

As much as Izzy—and no doubt Clary—wanted to stay in that moment forever, she knew that they were expected at the wedding venue much sooner than Izzy would have liked. She pulled away and with a slide of her finger down Clary’s nose, started to move her legs off the side of the bed. Clary grabbed her arm and pulled her back, climbing on top of her as her head hit the pillow. Izzy instinctively rested her hands on Clary’s waist as warm fingers cupped her face. 

“I’m not going to be able to kiss you for so long, today, Iz, so just—” Izzy nodded before Clary could even finish her sentence and leaned up just enough to meet Clary’s lips before she had to lean all the way forward. 

“We—have—to—Clary—wed—brothers—” 

Izzy could barely get the words that she wanted out because of the ferocity behind Clary’s kisses, but she was quickly silenced when her lips disappeared to trace a soft line down her neck. They rested over the pulse in Izzy’s neck and she smiled like she enjoyed the way Izzy’s heart beat a little faster for her. 

“I like feeling your heart,” she whispered, confirming Izzy’s suspicions. “It’s a reminder that you’re really in front of me, that you’re here and you’re not going anywhere.”

Both of them sobered immediately at the words. It was like reality had sunken in from the last few weeks of bliss and both of them realized that Izzy wasn’t there to stay. She had a flight back to base in three days that left too early in the morning and wouldn’t return for another six months. For the first time, Izzy didn’t want to go. 

“Let’s not think about it,” Clary decided, running her thumb over the pulse in Izzy’s neck before resting her palm directly over Izzy’s rapidly beating heart. “Today is about happiness and forever. We can’t ruin it by thinking about the complexities of the future, you know? Besides,” Clary pushed herself up and off the bed before Izzy could stop her, “our brothers are going to need us to be in top shape today which means we should grab our dresses and get ready to head out.”

“But we will talk about it, right?” Izzy asked, hoping her worries were clear in her voice. She didn’t want Clary to push her away or start to disappear, not when she finally let herself feel the way she had in the last few weeks. Clary’s response to her nerves was to rush over to where Izzy had finally stood and kiss the life out of her, so Izzy was immediately grateful she decided to say something. Small steps , Izzy thought to herself. 

“I’m here, Iz. I’m not going anywhere even when you do. I didn’t go into this blind and we have options. Besides, I think if Magnus and Alec can figure it out, we sure as hell can, too,” Clary joked, placing what felt like a final kiss to the tip of Izzy’s nose. 

“How panicked do you think they are right now?” Izzy asked as she threw on her most comfortable clothes. They wouldn’t be getting into their dresses quite yet—even with as much as Izzy was dying to see Clary in hers—so she chose some leggings and an oversized tank to get her through the morning of putting out fires. 

“Alec is definitely at least at DEFCON three, if not already at a two, while Magnus is holding steady at a five outwardly, but in his head, he’s on DEFCON three with Alec,” Clary said. 

“Is it strange that I find it really hot when you speak in military terms?”

“Absolutely not, Sergeant,” Clary shot back with a wink. 

Yeah, Izzy couldn’t wait to show her just how hot it was once the wedding was over. 

“Alec?” Izzy asked as she peeked into the room he was supposed to be getting ready in. It was too quiet for comfort and Jace was nowhere to be seen which was more than a little suspicious. “I come bearing coffee and snacks!”

“Oh, hey, Iz!” Alec shouted and for a second, Izzy thought it had to have been Jace given the smooth and completely not panicked nature of the greeting. “You’re here early,” he noted as he walked around the couch he was sitting on.

“I, uh, yeah,” Izzy began, shooting a look of disbelief at her brother who stood a few feet away. His only response was to shrug and walk over to retrieve his own coffee. “Clary and I decided it would be best to pick up some stuff on the way here and there wasn’t any wait or—” She saw the dumb smile on Alec’s face and cut herself off. “Alright, what is happening? Did you get high before coming here or something?” 

“What? Of course not, Izzy!” Alec shouted, laughing. He swatted at her shoulder playfully before reaching into the bag she was holding and taking out one of the prepackaged snacks Clary had called poison and urged her not to waste her money on. “I’m getting married today, guys. Married. To the absolute love of my life in like,” he glanced down at his watch with an even wider grin, “two hours!” 

“He’s been like this since I got here,” Jace said by way of explanation. “Magnus said that he woke up without even a glimmer of panic, but…” He trailed off and nabbed a donut from the box Izzy had placed on the table. 

“How could I possibly be anything but happy right now?” He asked and as if on cue, their mother walked in the door. Even that didn’t have Alec’s smile fading which might have been a miracle in itself. 

“Alexander, you should start preparing your tux,” she demanded before her voice softened, “but first, I, uh, brought you something. Something blue. I wasn’t sure if this should go to you or Magnus, but—”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Alec said, his voice expressing the amount of surprise that was running through all of their heads if Izzy had to guess. She held out an open box that contained two cufflinks with sapphires sparkling in the light. They were beautiful and they matched what Alec would be wearing perfectly. 

“Your father wore them on our wedding day and I think they will match wonderfully with the colors you have chosen for your special day,” Maryse explained, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“I didn’t think you—”

“I didn’t, at first. But your sister,” Maryse glanced at Izzy and sent her a soft smile that Izzy returned hesitantly, “reminded me that what I want isn’t always right and doesn’t always matter. I love you, all of you.” She held onto Alec’s hands but directed her words at both Izzy and Jace that were on either side of him. “I’m sorry that I ever made you doubt that.”

Alec hugged her first, stepping away so that Jace could wrap his arms around his adoptive mother softly. She kissed his cheek before turning toward Izzy, not making a move to step forward. Izzy wasn’t sure she was ready to forgive her mother, not after the years of treating her like she wasn’t good enough. Izzy spent all of that time trying to convince herself that every person that left her wasn’t any fault of her own and that she was good enough to deserve the career, the love, that she had. 

“I’d like to speak with you, Izzy.” The use of her nickname tugged at the corner of her mind as she nodded. “Will you two be all set while I steal her away?” She asked. Both of her brothers waited for Izzy to give her approval before they nodded at their mother. “We won’t be gone long, I just… have some things I want to say.”

“Didn’t you say enough yesterday?” Izzy asked before she could stop herself. Maryse quickly shut the door to the room she had led Izzy into and leaned against it like she was distancing herself from her child. 

Maryse took a deep breath before she spoke again. 

“I meant what I said to Alec; I love you all and I love the people each of you has become. I’m always being told how amazing Jace’s restaurant is, how proud of you and Alec people are for fighting for the country. I am proud of both of you for what you choose to do, but it’s a mother’s right to want the best for her kids.” 

“What’s best for you isn’t what’s best for us, mama, don’t you see that?” Izzy huffed, tossing her hands in the air. Her mother had started out great and Izzy wanted to believe that she was truly changing, but it was as if she would never understand. 

“I do, I— I’m your mother—” Izzy opened her mouth to speak but Maryse held up a hand and sent her a pleading glance that had Izzy closing it again. “I wanted my children to be doctors and lawyers. I wanted the boys to be CEOs like your father and for you to have the life I always had the minute I met your father.”

“That isn’t the life we want, ” Izzy emphatically and Maryse nodded. 

“I see that now. It’s… I spent a long time convincing myself that I could raise my children into exactly what I wanted them to be, but I’m realizing, slowly but surely, that I instead raised my children to think for themselves, to follow their dreams, and to work hard for what they want. I can’t be disappointed by that , now can I?”

“You’d be a fool to,” Izzy muttered. 

“I’m a lot of things, but I am not a fool. I will—begrudgingly—accept the lives you and your brothers choose for yourselves, but I ask that you give me time to mourn the future I planned.”

“You make it sound like we’re dead,” Izzy pointed out with a roll of her eyes. 

“I know you’re not and I am not under the impression that you’ll ever understand, but I am asking for patience. Can you give me that, Isabelle?” At Izzy’s glare, she corrected the name with a soft smile on her lips. 

“I can’t make any promises, but this is more than I ever expected to get out of you, so… yeah. Okay,” Izzy agreed. 

Maryse moved forward with her arms open and Izzy walked into her arms, letting her head rest on her mother’s shoulder. She couldn’t remember the last time she had hugged her mother privately, where it wasn’t for show but just for comfort, and she found herself lingering longer than she probably needed to. 

When she pulled away, she saw tears in her mother’s eyes and it made her smile because she realized that her mother did truly care. Izzy thought it was a great day for happy tears. 

“Alright, I need to go check on the other groom and make sure he’s almost ready. Can you make sure everything is set in the main hall for the boys to walk down the aisle?” Maryse nodded and leaned in to place a soft kiss on Izzy’s cheek. 

“You go get ready with Clarissa— Clary ,” she corrected at Izzy’s squint. “I’ll go make sure Alexander and Jace are ready to go.” 

With a final nod of agreement, Izzy left the room and as her mother turned to walk down the hallway, she leaned back against the wall to take a deep breath, shutting her eyes as tightly as they could go. 

“There’s no visible marks or injuries and neither of you were crying when you came out, so I’m assuming that went okay?”

Izzy immediately recognized Magnus’ voice and opened her eyes to see him looking as stunning as ever in his vibrant gold suit with all the accents Clary had drawn in perfect position. His eyes were lined with gold glitter and his hair was standing perfectly on his head. The smile on his face was soft and beautiful and Izzy couldn’t help but leap into his arms. 

“You look incredible, Magnus,” she said, holding back tears. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he responded, rubbing his palm over Izzy’s back slowly before pulling away enough to look into her eyes. “Are you okay, Isabelle?”

“Yeah,” Izzy sighed. The only person she didn’t mind using her full name was Magnus—and Clary, she supposed. “Maryse and I came to an understanding,” she said contentedly, “but that doesn’t matter now!” She wiped at her eyes and patted Magnus’ face gently. “You’re about to be married and I haven’t even put on my dress yet!” 

“Go do just that. Clary is already on her way to make sure Jace and Alexander are about ready. It’s just you left,” Magnus said before pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. “I’ll see you on the aisle, little sister.” 

“Love you, Magnus,” Izzy said, wrapping him in another hug before he could leave. 

“Love you, too, dearest. Now,” he said with a flourish of his hands, “get on with it. I’ve got a Lightwood to marry.”

As Izzy pulled on her bright gold dress and started her makeup, it snapped in her mind that the break she and Alec had from their duties was almost over. She had figured when they asked for leave before their next deployment, that she would spend the time off focusing on Alec and Magnus’ wedding planning and no time to dwell on the problems she had in her own life. Realistically, she didn’t realize any of the things weighing on her mind until she was faced directly with them. 

They came in the form of Clary. 

She came to the realization after spending approximately one hour with Clary that she was lonely. She realized that she wasn’t exactly the most welcoming person and that she had a hard time allowing others into her life. In return, Clary taught her that she didn’t have to hide away from everyone in her life and the new people could be exciting.

In Izzy’s mind her future had always been set in stone, her prospects fixed... She would finish off her military contract and apply to be a paramedic in some big city. She’d blow the minds of all of the sexist coworkers she would no doubt have to try even harder to impress in her new position than she did in the military and save as many lives as she could in the mundane world. 

As she smoothed out the fabric of her dress, she envisioned herself in white, with a bouquet of flowers in her hand, and Alec walking her down an aisle. For the first time in her life, she imagined her future with someone else in it and that person was Clary. 

“Knock, knock,” Alec said, peeking into the room just as Izzy put the final touches on her makeup. She stood and turned toward him, watching as he nervously adjusted his tie. 

“It looks great, Alec, you look great. I’m really happy you went with these colors,” she said truthfully. She walked over and fixed his sleeves, running her fingers over the cufflinks that their mother had gifted him. 

“It wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for you, Iz,” Alec said softly. 

He stopped Izzy’s movements by grabbing her hands and leaned back enough so that she would look up at him. She tried to avoid it as she didn’t want to start crying before they had a chance to walk down the aisle, but he wouldn’t let her look away. 

“I should’ve been the one to stand up to our mother. It’s my wedding and I’m the big brother—”

“You deserve to have someone stand up for you now and again, Alec,” Izzy interjected, earning a glare from Alec. 

“I do, and I realize that now because of Magnus, but that doesn’t mean I can’t thank you for making this day what it is.” He took a deep breath and squeezed Izzy’s hand tighter. “You made this day and my life better than I ever expected it to be. I love you, Iz, so much, and I don’t think you realize how grateful I am to have you as my sister.” 

“Alec,” Izzy whispered, pleading with him to stop because tears started to flood her eyes. 

“No, you’re going to listen to me. I was so worried, when we were growing up and even as adults, that you would let what our mother said to you dictate how you feel about yourself and others. I saw that it didn’t matter what she said about you because you grew into this independent, badass woman who doesn’t need someone like me to protect her.”

“Even though you’re still going to,” Izzy teased, choking out a wet laugh. 

“You’re still my little sister,” he answered. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers gently as he spoke again. “I was still worried, though, that you would keep yourself from ever having the kind of love you deserve, the kind of love that I’ve found with Magnus, but I know that you have that now.” At Izzy’s inquisitive look, Alec let out a soft chuckle. “Clary didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. She loves you, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know,” Izzy whispered and she really believed it.

“You love her, too?” It was a question Izzy could easily nod her answer to, the smile tugging at the corner of her lips before she could stop it. “I knew it. She’s a good one, Iz, one that you deserve. Don’t mess it up, okay?” He asked and Izzy threw her head back in laughter. 

“I promise I won’t,” she answered, patting his cheek softly before pressing her lips to his other one. “You ready to marry the man you love?” She asked. 

“I’ve never been more ready or terrified for anything in my life. Is that normal?” Alec asked. 

Izzy laughed and replied, “I’ll let you know on my wedding day.” 

The ceremony was everything any of them could have expected. Though, Izzy had to admit that she barely paid attention to the two men getting married. 

The entire time, Izzy couldn’t stop staring at how beautiful Clary looked in her sapphire dress. It seemed to sparkle under the carefully chosen fairy lights, glistening and catching Izzy’s eye each moment possible. It contrasted perfectly with the golden hues of Magnus and Izzy’s outfits and matched Alec’s almost perfectly. It was a joining of both families and Izzy caught herself crying a little harder than she expected when the two men kissed at the end. 

She walked out arm in arm with Clary, following a beaming Alec and Magnus, and they sat in relative silence just taking in the day until Maryse let them know the reception was ready. As per most of the wedding, Alec and Magnus decided to say fuck the traditions. Their first dance was shared with any couple who wanted to celebrate their love and Izzy was the first one to volunteer to do just that. 

“Will you dance with me?” She asked. 

She held out a hand to Clary who was sipping on her glass of champagne and seemed surprised that Izzy had even asked. Her cheeks were rosy red and her smile was wide on her face as she nodded and took Izzy’s hand in hers. They pressed together, wrapped up in each other like they were the only two people in the room as the soft music played around them. 

Izzy had never felt so connected to another person in her entire life and she realized all too suddenly that that was what it was supposed to feel like. She had kissed people before, held people she thought she loved in her arms, and listened to them make her promises they would never keep. 

With Clary, she had no doubts, no worries that her hugs or her kisses would disappear, no concerns that the unspoken promises she was making with each passing day spent together would be broken. She felt safe and warm in the arms of the first person she could see molding a future with. 

She remembered the years of heartbreak and disappointment that she endured like they were distant memories and when Clary smiled up at her, she realized those moments were preparing her for how amazing it would feel to have Clary forever. 

Clary was the person Izzy had always waited for. 

“Was this summer everything you wanted it to be?” Clary whispered, her eyes gazing into Izzy’s. 

“It was everything that I ever wanted, but didn't think I'd ever find,” she admitted, pressing a soft kiss to Clary’s lips. “I love you, Clary.”

“I love you, too, Izzy.”

Izzy figured it was the perfect day for happily ever afters.

[solangelover]

Snow Days

A/N: It’s just about Christmas all over the world. So MERRY CHRISTMAS!! This was supposed to come out earlier in December, but oh well. Maybe I’ll still do an actual Christmas one. In the meantime, enjoy :)

Read on AO3 or FF.net

Fresh snow fell upon Camp Half-Blood early one morning. It was December, a time when Chiron held a vote to see whether or not campers wanted snow. Majority rules, so this year Chiron allowed the magical border around camp to let in snow. For some, it was their first time experiencing snow. In general, the campers enjoyed having the snow, especially around Christmas.

Nico di Angelo didn’t know how to feel about it. He couldn’t quite remember his experiences in snow, but he knows it was a long time ago in Italy. He vaguely remembered playing with Bianca in the snow, but that could be his imagination trying to give him just a bit of Bianca to hold on to. The anniversary of her death was in December too, which didn’t make this his favorite month.

He mostly told others that he didn’t like it. It wasn’t in his personality to like things. The snow was blinding, it made him even colder than he already was, and he had to walk through it every day. It was just annoying.

Just like most people, the cold made Nico stay in bed longer than normal. Unlike most people, this meant he woke up at around 2 PM. Or at least he would if someone didn’t bang on his door each morning.

“Get up, di Angelo! It’s 10 am, breakfast is basically done!” a certain annoying son of Apollo shouted outside Nico’s cabin door. “I know you’re still in bed, Nico!”

“If you know, then why are you waking me up??” Nico shouted back. He then realized it was a mistake to reveal that he was awake. His door flew open and Nico looked up to see Will Solace silhouetted against the bright white snow outside.

He groaned loudly and threw his arm over his eyes. “UGH why can’t you leave me alone?”

“No one likes to be alone, Death Boy. I’m giving you the company you don’t know that you need.” Will shut the door behind him and sauntered over to Nico’s bed.

“I like to be alone when I’m trying to sleep, Solace. And I never want company.” At this hour, Nico meant every word he said.

By now, Will was used to Nico’s grumpiness and negativity. He remained his ever-happy self, stating, “This is the season of togetherness! I shall not allow you to sleep for most of it. Plus, as your doctor, I am required to make sure you’re eating well and getting proper exercise.”

“You are insufferable.” Nico threw a pillow at Will, who caught it easily, as he sat up. He knew he was never getting back to sleep, even if Will allowed him to. He simply got up and stretched, lifting his shirt up a bit. As he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, he swore that he saw a bit of pink on Will’s cheeks as he looked anywhere but at Nico.

“Don’t you have an infirmary to tend to?” Nico asked as he walked to his bathroom.

“Nope, I don’t work ‘till later, so I thought we could hang out until then. Make snow angels, throw snowballs at each other, that kind of stuff. We don’t get snow every year here.” Will rambled on as Nico was getting ready for the day. Nico was comfortable with Will being in his cabin by now, considering Will just forced himself in all the time. Nico kind of liked having someone else there who would just talk without expecting him to say much.

“Why do you wanna hang out with me? Don’t you have friends?” It was a half joke. Nico still didn’t understand why Will always wanted to spend time with him. He was still getting used to people actually choosing to be around him.

Will rolled his eyes, clearly exasperated at the number of times they had to have this conversation. “Neeks, do I really have to tell you again? I LIKE spending time with you. You ARE my friend. And I WANT to do fun stuff with you while I’m not working. It’s not a joke, Death Breath.”

“Gods above, will you stop with the nicknames? They’re terrible.” Nico was a bit embarrassed by the way Will talked about him, like he was worth something. It’s all a work in progress.

“I won’t stop until you stop being self-deprecating. So, by the looks of it, you’ll be getting nicknames for the rest of your life, Nicolo.”

“Wow, Solace, I see your faith in me. And I already told you that’s not my real name,” Nico rolled his eyes at Will, accepting that he’d be spending the day with him. Not that Nico really minded, but he had to pretend that he did.

At that moment, Nico’s stomach grumbled. He looked up embarrassingly at Will, “So… is breakfast really done?”

Will just sighed, grabbing Nico’s hand and pulling him out the door as he mumbled something about eating regularly. Nico felt momentarily flustered by Will’s hand in his, but it was quickly replaced with annoyance when he walked out into the blinding snow. He all but hissed like a vampire at the light, to which Will looked back with a smirk. “I feel like the coffin beds suit you more than you think.”

“Shut it, Solace,” Nico snapped with a glare (or squint). Will only laughed and kept pulling him along to the pavilion.

---

“Why would someone want to lay in the wet, cold snow just to make something that looks nothing like an angel?” Nico watched as Will wiggled around in the snow with a bright smile on his face. The snow didn’t look particularly inviting to Nico.

“Oh, come on, Nico! You said you’ve never made a snow angel! You gotta try at least once.” Will carefully stood up, then turned back to admire his work of art. “Look at that. You can’t tell me you don’t want to try. Who wouldn’t want to lay in the snow? It’s so fun!”

Nico was surprised with how the snow angel turned out, but still felt no need to make one of his own. “First off, I said I didn’t remember if I made one before or not. Second, like I already said, why would I want to lay in the wet, cold snow that will make me even colder than I already am?” Nico was bundled in a gray puffy snow jacket that Chiron had let him borrow. Even so, he still felt the chill of the cold through his black jeans and combat boots. He was in no way prepared for snow.

“Look, I found you a fresh patch of snow. There!” Will herded Nico towards the snow. Nico stood looking at it and was about to turn to Will and complain when he was tackled to the ground. Will had launched himself at the son of Hades and sent them both into the soft snow.

“Agh! Will! Dammit, why are you like this?” Nico shoved Will off and sat up in the snow. The newly fallen snow was now ruined, but Will was laughing anyway. When Nico looked up at Will, he had intended to tell him off and shadow travel back to his cabin. Instead, the words died in Nico’s throat as he took in the son of Apollo. The snow in his hair coupled with his laughter made Will look like an angel playing in snow. Nico supposed that was pretty accurate. Will’s cheeks were red from the cold, but his freckles were still visible. When he finally stopped laughing, Will locked eyes with Nico. Nico noticed that his eyes were a paler blue than during the summer, but they still had that lively twinkle in them. Nico could get lost in those eyes.

When he realized he was staring, Nico glanced away, feeling a blush creep up on his cheeks. He hoped the red from the cold hid it.

“Hey, Nico?” Will asked softly. Nico had expected more jokes or teasing, but the tone of Will’s voice made Nico look back at Will.

“Yeah?”

Will looked almost hesitant, his smile softening a bit. “I don’t know much about your past, not that you necessarily do either, but I hope I can make this Christmas fun for you.” Will glanced down at his hands buried in the snow. “I know this time of year is hard, but I want you to know,” Will reached out to put his hand over Nico’s in the snow, “that I’m here for you and I want to make it better.” Will finally looked back up into Nico’s eyes.

Nico was stunned. He didn’t realize that Will had thought about all that. He didn’t realize that the purpose of Will’s silly antics was to make new, happy winter memories for Nico. Will cared, a lot, and it still didn’t make sense to Nico, but it made him feel hopeful nonetheless.

Nico broke into a smile, a real, genuine one that scrunched his nose a bit. “Thanks, Will. I—” He didn’t really know how to outwardly express his appreciation; it felt awkward. “Um, yeah. Thanks. But maybe next time don’t push me into cold, wet snow when I have no snow gear at all?” Nico felt relieved when Will smirked and rolled his eyes.

“I’ll find you some proper snow pants and boots then, because this is only the start of the snow fun, di Angelo. We have got to make a snowman!” Will stood up and offered Nico a hand, which he gratefully took. When Nico looked in Will’s eyes, he saw understanding in them. Will understood what Nico couldn’t say just yet.

Nico desperately wanted to tell Will how grateful he was. Maybe he’d even say how his feelings towards Will have been growing. With so much to say, Nico knew he had to build his courage. But Will understood that. He’d wait for Nico, however long he needed.

Will didn’t let go of Nico’s hand as they walked toward the infirmary for some hot chocolate and warmth.

[reapers-carino]

aight yall......what would gabe do if he (accidentally) made Serena cry ??

((So I got into a weird sad rut but then this tumbled out of my mind and now I have to write it))

“Serena what the hell happened?”

Serena froze, lips drawn into a straight line, eyes refusing to meet Gabriel’s as she walked off of the drop ship. Her shoulders were rolled back but her head was dipped, the internal struggle to stand proud despite feeling immensely guilty showing outwardly. The use of her actual name and not her nickname hit her squarely in the chest, a painfully cold lump twisting up around her heart. Swallowing hard, Serena slowly lifted her gaze to meet Gabriel’s before nodding her head, motioning towards the entrance into the building. He was in charge of her debriefs; all mission failures and successes were discussed with the only person that outranked her in Blackwatch. Gabriel’s eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at the shorter woman, before giving a sharp nod of his head, waiting for Serena to lead the way. Serena’s steps were stiff but quick, no natural swing in hips, no playful skip in her steps.

This mission had been listed as a ‘Critical Failure’; two of her targets had lived and for that, the UN wanted answers. While Gabriel was privy to knowledge to details of the case, what happened in the field was a mystery unless reported upon. And Serena had gone radio silent for the last two days of her mission, only reappearing when she had called for evac earlier that day. Gabriel studied her from behind, saw how her fists were tightly clutched at her side, her movements stiff, eyes focused dead ahead. What’s worse is she was absolutely silent. Serena normally was a talker, especially after a mission. She’d ask Gabriel to update her on how things had been when she was gone, if this agent was feeling better or that agent out of rehab. She’d playfully ask if he missed her then kiss him and say she missed him too, but she had done none of that. Whatever had gone wrong in the field had wound her up so tightly, she looked like she would break if any additional pressure was exerted on her.

“Rini…”

Gabriel’s hand reached out and touched her shoulder and Serena flinched hard, stopping dead in her tracks for half a second. Gabriel felt the quivering in her shoulders before she yanked herself away from him, surging forward and briskly walking towards Gabriel’s office. Serena didn’t slow until she had reached Gabriel’s door, the man watching as she shakily input the code to open the door and then stepped through. Gabriel stepped around her, locking the door as it slid shut, Serena’s spine ramrod straight as he moved in front of her. She still wouldn’t meet his eyes, her head was held up and her bottom lip was firmly trapped between her bottom and top teeth, like she was barely keeping herself together with the action. Her fists were no longer at her sides, her arms wrapped defensively around her middle as she swallowed thickly. She was defensive, cagey, pain shining in her brown eyes. Running a hand over his own face, Gabe took a half step back from her, the want to comfort her crushed by his duty as commander of Blackwatch. He hated doing this, but he knew he had to.

“Agent Veil what happened”, Gabriel asked, leaning back against the chairs that sat pushed under his desk. He crossed his arms over his chest, letting out a slow sigh as he reined back his want to comfort you. “You aborted your missions halfway through, turned off your tracker, disappeared, then called called for transport three townships over. The only reason your ass wasn’t suspended is the information you forwarded before getting picked up. So what, pray tell, happened out there?”

“I completed the mission as assigned”, Serena grit out, arms tightening around her in a silent, comforting gesture to herself. She finally locked eyes with him, eyes shining with tears yet gaze hard as she gulped once more. “I arrived in Tangier at 2100 and was able to gain access to the Youssoufi household. I found evidence of both his and his wife’s involvement with Archon as well as evidence of their human trafficking and drug smuggling. I eliminated the targets that had been listed in my report. It should have reached your datapad by now”

Serena’s heart was thundering in her chest as she stared at Gabriel, incredulity dancing over his face as he listened to her. If she had succeeded in taking out the targets, Athena would not have counted the mission as a failure. Flipping the datapad on he speed read the document, before placing it down with a deepened frown.

“It says you only took out two of the listed target”, Gabriel stated bluntly, putting the datapad behind him as he fought the agitation growing inside of him. The more he pushed, the more Serena seemed to clam up. Hiding things, especially necessary things, was something the both of them had sworn off when they had started working together. There was too much weighing on them doing their job correctly, their roles in protecting the world too important to allow emotions or second guessing to get in the way of performing their jobs effectively. “Serena, seriously, what the hell could be worth losing your credibility? Losing your job? Fuck Rini talk to me. You know I got you, but what the hell–”

“They were children Gabe”, Serena snapped out, swallowing hard as more tears filled her eyes.

“What”, Gabriel asked, brow furrowing even deeper as he stood up straight.

“They wanted me to kill their children”, Serena snapped out, the tears in her eyes overflowing and rolling down her cheeks. She roughly wiped at the tears on their cheeks but they didn’t stop rolling, the hand that had been wiping at her face settling on the back of her neck. “The last two targets were their kids. I’m not talking about teenagers either Gabe. I got the info, took out their parents and went into the next room expecting…fucking adults or something but…there were two babies. Fucking babies Gabriel! They couldn’t have been any older than–god!…I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it…”

“Rini look at me”, Gabriel stated softly, his hands lightly grasping both of her shoulders and making her jump. Her turned her face up to look at him, his gaze sympathetic but confused, a painful hiccup bubbling in her chest. His hand lifted to her face, cradling her cheek comfortingly and pushing away some of the tears that wouldn’t stop. “What do you mean?”

“The four targets weren’t four leaders of the Archon”, Serena said, strained as she leaned into his touch. She hiccuped again before sighing heavily and closing her eyes briefly. When she opened them again, her breathing had calmed and tears had slowed but not stopped. “They were Mr and Mrs Youssoufi and their infant twins. That is why my mission was listed as a failure. Because I wouldn’t kill two fucking babies. I…I disappeared because I went to meet a contact of Ana’s…I had to….I couldn’t just let those kids die Gabe. Collateral damage be damned, those kids are too fucking young to even think about fucking revenge….the contact said that they’d be well taken care of…I just…I won’t…I can’t…not innocents Gabi…”

Gabriel pulled Serena forward, wrapping his arms tight around her, the smaller woman going stiff before her shoulders began to shake and she broke down once more. This is not what he or she or anyone for that matter had signed up for; killing innocents in cold blood, no. His arms tightened around her incrementally more as rage course through him, lightly kissing the top of her head and humming sympathetically and soothingly.

“Hey hey”, Gabe said, Serena’s face till buried in his chest, hand smoothing over her hair slowly. “You will never, ever have to perform a task like that. Not under my fucking watch. You did the right thing, mi amor. Okay? You did the right thing.”