#did i mention i was Back On My Bullshit?

[deservedgrace]

one of the more frustrating aspects of ex evangelical/ex cult stuff for me personally is how hard it is to talk about. and part of that is the emotional side of it, yeah it's a shitload of cumulative and compounding trauma and trauma is hard to talk about sometimes. but it's not always hard to talk about, or at least equally hard to talk about, and the thing that's honestly more frustrating to me about that is how... extensive it is, how impossible it is to give an accurate picture of what it was like, especially succinctly. there are so many things that you need context for. there's so much that doesn't really sound that bad unless you have other information. so much was normalized to me that i have a hard time knowing what's actually "normal" and what's "yikes" to other people because i simply don't always have the context for "normal". there's so much that's normalized in society and churches that gets dismissed as "normal" when it really, really shouldn't be. there's so much i just don't remember because it slipped out of my brain the same as "normal" unimportant memories because my brain didn't process it as abuse or traumatic at the time due to that lack of context of what "normal" is; it was normal to me and just what people did and how people acted and what people said. and the thing that happens is all of this compiles into me sounding like i'm exaggerating and whining about a "normal church experience" because it's just so impossible to describe how all-encompassing being in a cult is if you don't have that experience.

[cat-downthestreet]

seriously why does no one mention this??? the information is so easy to find too like are y'all forgetting on purpose or was I not supposed to give a crap about the opinion of one of the main writers for the series 💀

[doubledyke]

name a more humiliating experience ill wait

[dootplusone]

(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

(If the OP would prefer this post not link back to the OG post or is otherwise is not okay w/ this post in reference to theirs, please let me know in some form so I can delete/edit it as needed.)

Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?

For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.

A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.

And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)

Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."

And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.

...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.

In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.

[ink-asunder]

Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.

[nostalgiamonster]

“...everybody's got a different fizzle in their spritzer, what's it matter what ingredients are on your sticker?”

[sophiethewitch1]

kinda wanna write a fic where the dog is literally the deus ex machina

[ebongawk]

.

[caruliaa]

rly fun and normal to almost casually think "oh ill make myself throw up" after eating pasta for dinner i love it so much

[notwhatyoucameherefor]

Hiveswap sucks bad because they had no fucking idea how to make characters that weren't intrinsically tied to the homestuck trolls. Not every purpleblood needed to be a clown. Not every goldblood needed to have psionics. Not every cerulean needed to be Vriska. But whoever was making the characters just could not fathom this.

[skhardwarevers1]

when he writes you an entire letter to provide closure (the closure is vaguely mentioning that he messed up a little in the middle of three pages just accusing you of being a manipulative lovebomber): 😨

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[pallases]

100% bombed that!

[kunikisss]

I CAN’T STAND HAVING CRUSHES I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS SO MUCH I WANT TO SCREAM I CAN’T STAND HOW IT’S MAKING ME FEEL I WANT THIS TO BE OVER RIGHT NEOWWW. WHYYGYYUUYYYYYY WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE TAKE PLEASURE IN TORTURING ME.

[watchthekittycatcher]

im always so validated whenever anyone talks about how abhorrent their trip to disneyworld was. like Yes bro discuss at length how Bad of a time you had. i also had a Horrific time

[mythvoiced]

open starter | maverick barnett

Fading hyper-focused hands. There's more grease on the spot of skin attaching the forefinger to the palm. Stigmate al centro della mano, il fiammifero, il fiammifero.

They look dirtier, or rosier, full of scars from scabs scratched off, the scars of blades are no longer there because you drew them into the lines already carved into your palms either to hide them or as an inside joke with yourself.

The knife was blunt the other day, the greatest disappointment of the week.

Your hands are dirty, wash them, there's grease, wash them, they shine, wash them, wash them, wash them.

When's the last time you've washed your hands?

Mave foregoes the hand dryer, there's a handkerchief in his back pocket he plucks out instead, trying to dry off the rubbed raw skin of his now reddened hands.

He walks into the door when he steps out, blinking as if in pain as the harsh reality of the mall wraps around him again. Empty corridor, bright lights, there's a fountain somewhere.

He stops next to the person he thinks he came with. He wants to ask, are my hands clammy?

"What do you think is a sin?"