#did not have hearing or vision for at least a few minutes

[eiraeths]

pots gotta be the weirdest disorder in the world fuck you mean i laid down for too long so now i have to lay down again so i don’t pass out and seize

[steddieas-shegoes]

if you look deep enough into steve’s eyes, the colors start to shift from a medium-brown to light, almost golden, like his hair in the summer, like his skin when it’s wet.

eddie finds himself noticing these things more often as the year after vecna passes. on the anniversary of nearly dying, eddie thinks he’s noticed everything about steve.

but then steve shows up at his door after dropping the kids off at their respective homes, a smile on his face, and something mysterious in his eyes. something that distracts eddie from the golden specks the reflect off his porch light. something that only eddie really gets to see.

“wanna take a ride?”

“where you taking me, big boy?”

steve blushes, a soft pink that would be warm to the touch if eddie was brave enough to reach out.

“it’s a surprise.”

eddie trusts steve, so he gets in his car and doesn’t ask anymore questions.

steve talks about something dustin did on the way, complaining with a fondness only steve could have for the kid.

it hits eddie as steve pulls onto a side road.

the field.

the wildflowers bloomed early this year, and eddie had mentioned recently that he would like to make new memories in a place where he was facing death or prison exactly one year ago.

he didn’t think anyone was listening, but apparently steve was.

steve parks the car and eddie doesn’t think he can look at him yet. he thinks he’s gonna cry. he thinks he’s so deeply in love with this man that he may never experience anything like it again.

it’s dark, but the moon is bright. there’s still a light chill in the air, but eddie’s still wearing his leather jacket from hellfire earlier, so he barely feels it.

they walk together through the field, close enough that their hands brush, but still more distance between them than eddie wants. he’s surrounded by beauty: the flowers, the stars, steve.

he stops when steve does.

they both look up at the stars for a few minutes, silent so they can hear the crickets and their own heartbeats.

“a year ago, when i almost lost you, i thought about all the things i didn’t get to do or say or know about you. i was angry for a long time.” steve turns to eddie, giving him a sad smile. “it wasn’t fair that you had to go through all of that and i couldn’t do anything. the doctors weren’t doing enough, and the cops weren’t doing enough, and no one understood how important it was that they fix it.”

eddie’s watching him, baffled. he’s not sure where this is going and he’s worried that his own feelings may be clouding his vision.

“i couldn’t make your pain go away. i couldn’t make it easier. i couldn’t help you walk again or play guitar. i just had to watch.”

eddie feels a tug in his stomach, a pull that leaves him breathless.

“but i watched. and i saw every side of you. and i don’t think i’ll say this right, but i practiced with robin and she thinks i did good.” steve breathes in and turns to face eddie completely. “i learned a side of me that i didn’t know about while i watched you. i learned that love looks different than what i always thought. and i learned that because of you.”

“because of…me?” eddie’s trying not to get his hopes up, but he’s pretty sure they’re higher than ever.

“because you love so loudly. everyone you love knows it and you aren’t scared that they’ll run away. it’s probably because it’s impossible not to love you.”

eddie thinks he actually is experiencing some kind of post-death dream. maybe he got too high in his room and steve never even showed up at his door.

“eddie? did you hear me?”

eddie focuses on steve’s look of concern, on the golden specks in his eyes that the moonlight makes shimmer.

“i don’t know?”

“i said i love you.”

“oh. then, no, i didn’t.”

steve’s face falls and eddie realizes a second too late that his response to steve saying he loves him wasn’t the exact thing he’d been holding back for at least six months now.

“i just thought you should know. um. so i guess i can wait in the car if you wanna stay a bit longer-“

eddie is only staying in this field if steve is with him, so he wraps his arms around steve’s shoulders and hugs him harder than is probably safe.

“i love you. sorry i’m a dumbass and didn’t say it the second you did. i was trying to convince myself this was real life.”

steve laughs against his ear and eddie’s pretty sure they belong like this.

“why now?” eddie asks as he pulls away.

“because i told myself if you didn’t do it by today, i would.”

“how long have you been waiting on me?”

steve lets out a breath. “eight months give or take.”

“that is…much longer than i would’ve expected.”

“yeah, well, imagine being the one waiting.”

eddie smiles at steve, and steve smiles back, and eddie notices a new thing.

steve harrington’s got a crooked tooth. an imperfection to some, a sign of being human to eddie.

“what’s that face for?” steve asks.

“you’re perfect, stevie.”

they kiss in the field where eddie was saying goodbyes a year ago. they look at stars in a clear sky while holding hands and talking about what their future might look like. steve’s head rests in eddie’s lap while eddie traces steve’s lips with his finger, memorizing the curl of his lips when he smiles and the feel of the vibrations when he hums a song eddie doesn’t recognize.

steve picks flowers, and eddie makes a crown, and they both say i love you in a million ways.

they walk along the edges of the field, where the rv was parked while they prepared for the worst. eddie shivers at the memories, but steve kisses his shoulder and the back of his hand and he shivers at that instead.

they ride back, and eddie sings along to whatever songs play on the radio, even if he messes up the words. steve laughs and it’s better than any music they could listen to.

they kiss on eddie’s porch, surrounded by darkness because no one turned on the outside light. it’s so late, no one would see them anyway.

steve stays at eddie’s, but wayne’s home, so they’re quiet and keep their hands above the waist even though they so desperately want to touch, and kiss, and bite every inch of each other.

they still get carried away, which doesn’t surprise eddie at all. what does surprise eddie is how quickly steve sits in his lap, rutting against his stomach and biting back moans and whimpers and eddie laces their fingers together and squeezes, meeting each thrust with his own. neither of them last long, coming in their pants like virgins. they laugh, but they kiss through it, teeth clacking as they gasp for breath.

they take turns in the bathroom in case wayne wakes up. steve comes back into eddie’s room without a shirt and hair slightly damp. eddie feels his heartbeat quicken as steve hops into bed next to him.

they sleep with steve curled against eddie’s chest, eddie’s arms around his back, sweaty but content.

content and happy.

and when the sun rises the next morning, eddie wakes first and notices another new thing about steve: he drools in his sleep.

[aliteralsemicolon]

3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes

When Spencer doesn’t call at midnight on your birthday like he usually does, you believe he truly wants nothing to do with you because of your fight a few days prior. Until there are two FBI agents knocking on your door, neither of which are your apparently missing boyfriend. 

Spencer Reid X Fem! Reader

DISCLAIMER This story is SFW but mentions strong themes. It is intended for mature audiences only.  You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read. 

WARNING: Mentions of kidnapping, injuries & vague description of panic attack. Proceed at your own risk. 

Word count: 8.6K See notes at end for authors note & spoilers. 

11:57 PM

Eyes trained on the long red hand, you watch as the minutes spin around the clock hanging on the otherwise-empty wall. A century could’ve passed between the last minute and now. It sure as hell feels like it. 

11:58 PM

The movie meant to keep your mind from replaying the events from a few days ago failed its purpose before you even turned on the T.V. If the time between every minute was a century, then the last time you heard from him must have been an eternity ago. When was the last time you heard from him anyway?

“I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t even bear to look at your face right now.”

In all your time together, Spencer had never once raised his voice at you. The fact remained even during your worst fight yet. God, how you wished he had yelled at you. Maybe then he would’ve needed less time away from you. 

“Yeah? I don’t want to be near you anyway. Not when you’re being like this!”

He was unfair. So were you. Surely neither of you truly meant what was said. You wanted to be near him so, so badly. Did he really not want to see you anymore? He must not, or Spencer would have returned at least one of the twenty four calls he ignored. 

11:59 PM

It was well-intentioned on your part. The migraines were most likely psychosomatic. Otherwise the MRI scans would’ve picked up on the issue. 

“You think I’m crazy? I am not crazy!”

“Spencer, I’m not implying that you are! I’m saying that it’s probably stress induced-”

“No! No. That’s not what you really think, is it? Go on, say what you really mean.”

“GOD SPENCER! You think that just because your mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, I think you must be one too? You’re completely reaching! You just don’t want to deal with the reality that maybe it is all just in your head!”

12:00 AM

Perhaps he did mean what he said. He’d still call though, right? If not to return one of your voicemails then to wish you a happy birthday? After everything the two of you shared together he should at least call today. 

“Leave. Please.”

“Spencer..”

“Stop. Please. Leave.”

“Wait Spence-”

Unsure of how much longer you could hold out, you uncurl from your fetal position on the sofa and reach over for your phone. Vision peeling from the wall-clock and redirecting to the photo on your lockscreen. How beautiful he looked adorned on your screen. Then again, he always looked beautiful. 

12:31 AM

‘Twelve thirty one’ read the time on your screen. The first thirty one minutes of your birthday were spent replaying exactly what you wanted to avoid. He must’ve fallen asleep. He would never intentionally miss his tradition of wishing you a happy birthday, 12AM, on the dot. “That was before you ruined everything”, your mind began. “You ruined everything”, it repeats over and over in a mantra. 

“He hates me. He would’ve called if he didn’t.” a whisper only for yourself to hear. Minutes passing you by once more as you begin your spiral into doubt and self-hatred. Tears completely stain your skin, clothes, the blanket hugging your legs. Your vision is too blurred to notice it. What you do notice is that you can not breathe. Shit. You can not breathe. 

“Five things” You can almost hear his voice whisper into your mind. “Five things”, you repeat aloud.

“Five things you can see.” As his voice begins to guide, your eyes frantically wander. “The blanket on my lap. My hands curled on top of it. The coffee table in front of me. The T.V playing across from me. The wall-clock hanging just above on the wall behind.”

“Four things you can touch” Not waiting a second before answering to the thought of his voice: “The cushion next to me. The couch beneath me. The sweatshirt I’m wearing. The rings on my fingers.”

“Three things you can hear” Tuning your focus on the sounds around you continue, “The T.V playing. The cars passing by outside. That stupid wall-clock ticking.”

“Two things you can smell” This one was always your least favourite because you had to think the hardest. You could hardly breathe a minute ago and your nose is clogged. How can you smell anything? “I can’t smell anything. I can never smell anything.”

“That’s okay. It’s okay. Just tell me one thing you can taste” . His voice was engraved in your brain. You probably couldn’t forget it if you tried. “Salt.”

Shoulders slumping into your body, you wipe the tears clouding your line of sight and dare to look up at the clock once again. If it could speak it would probably taunt you for your pathetic state. 

12:56 AM

You barely make out the time as your eyes begin to cloud again. At least you can breathe normally now. Except your head is throbbing, your eyes are sore and you’re so tired. Sinking back into your previous fetal position, you feel your body give out. As you drift off, you make one final plea for your sanity: “He probably just fell asleep. He’ll call when he wakes up.”

The pounding headache was bad enough, but the rapid pounding against your door made you want to shout violently. As if your body was now on auto-pilot, you attempt to jump up from your position on the sofa - only to not so gracefully trip over your blanket and almost face plant into the coffee table. “Fuck-AH-bitch”, you grumble just as you manage to catch yourself. “I’m coming in just a minute!” Yelling for the very impatient recipient at the other side of your door. You quickly give the clock a glance before making your way to the hallway mirror. 

2:07 PM

You aren’t vain, you’re just a decent enough human to save the person outside your apartment a jumpscare from your post-ugly-crying state. When you stood in front of the mirror and actually saw yourself for the first time today, you didn’t believe there was anything you could do to save that person. That person could be Spencer. So you gave it an attempt, regardless, quickly brushing your hair out with your fingers and wiping the dried tears from your face. Finally shuffling to the door, you take a deep breath as you unlock it. He probably just showed up instead of calling. At least that’s what you wanted to believe.

“Oh. Derek? JJ?”, instead you find two of his friends and FBI profilers, who definitely caught the disappointment in your voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey Pretty Girl. Any chance Pretty Boy is somewhere behind you?” Morgan asks, slightly concerned by your poorly concealed state.

“Hi, sorry, no, he’s not here.” You blurt out as you make eye contact with your nosy neighbour passing by. You consider inviting the agents inside for privacy, but remember that your living room shares the same messy look as you and abort that thought. 

“Can we come inside?” JJ asks for you, also noticing the unwanted eavesdropper.

“Um, sure”,  you hesitate, clearly embarrassed. “Excuse the mess, I wasn’t expecting company.” The agents share a look that you miss and follow behind as you quickly begin to tidy up a little. 

“Hey, are you okay?” JJ follows up. 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Why are you looking for Spencer here?” You were deflecting. She definitely knew that you were deflecting, but didn’t push further and for that you were grateful.

“He’s not at work and he’s not picking up his cell. So we thought he might be with you.” Morgan answers you, taking a quick glance around. 

“When did you last talk to him?” JJ cuts in.

“Uh, two days ago I think?” Your breath hitches at your first reminder of the fight you had. 

“Two days?” JJ’s brows furrow in a questioning manner towards Morgan, who looks just as confused. “Are you sure?” He chimes in, not waiting for your reply before he dials a number on his phone and rushes off towards your kitchen. 

“Yes, I’m sure…” your eyes follow him as he disappears and quickly snap your attention back towards the blonde woman in front of you. “JJ what’s going on?” 

“Exactly what time did you last see him?” She ignores your question. The slight panic in her voice is contagious and begins to shift into you. “Well I don’t know the exact time, but I’d guess some time just before midnight? When did you last see him?” 

Before she can answer, Morgan calls your name as he walks back in. “Get dressed. You’re gonna need to come back to The Bureau with us.” 

“The Bureau? Okay, seriously guys, what’s going on?” 

“I’ll explain later. JJ and I are gonna wait here while you get dressed okay?” His tone was assertive. 

“No, you’re going to explain right now actually, what the fuck is going on?” But you were too worried to care about his tone. 

He took a deep breath, clearly frustrated. “Spencer’s been missing for two days. ” Realisation spreads across JJ’s face as she puts the pieces together, “ And I think you might’ve been the last person to see him.”

3:42 PM. 

You were currently sitting alone in one of the interview rooms at the FBI Headquarters, phone in hand, repeatedly checking the time. Morgan and JJ gave you time to clean up and get dressed before leaving your apartment. None of you uttered a single word on your way here and JJ led you into this room, telling you to get comfortable and to let her know if you needed anything. 

Somebody was supposed to come in and interview you, but you had been waiting for at least twenty minutes now. The room itself was mostly empty, except for two muted couches in the middle facing each other, separated by a small table. An old rug laid under the setting and a couple of stock pictures were hung on the walls. You had taken JJ’s invitation and claimed a spot in the corner seat of one of the couches, facing the door, but sitting as far away from it as you could. 

The air conditioner was set at room temperature but everything felt cold. Spencer was missing and you were definitely the last person to see him. You felt like the worst person in the world right now. The man that you loved more than anything in the world was missing and the last thing you ever said to him was that you didn’t want to be around him. 

What did missing even mean in this situation? Did he just decide to up and disappear? That would be believable if he was anybody else, but this was Spencer. He would still say goodbye to his friends before leaving. Friends who were also his coworkers. Coworkers at his extremely dangerous job. If Spencer was missing then it wasn’t because he chose to be. Which means that there’s a strong possibility that he’s really hurt, or dead.

Your mind was filled with so many concerns and had you not heard the door handle click, you probably would’ve driven yourself into another panic attack. A raven-haired woman walks into the room and takes a seat opposite to you on the couch across yours. 

“Emily!” 

“Hey, how are you holding up?” 

“Have you found Spencer? Is he okay-” The questions begin piling out of you.

“Woah, take a deep breath okay.” She cuts off your worrisome ramble before it begins. 

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” You cry out in frustration before catching your tone. You take a short, deep breath and continue, “I’m sorry. I’m just really worried okay. I’ve been here for god knows how long and nobody will tell me anything and I just really need to know if Spencer’s okay.”

Emily slightly tilts her head as she looks at you, slightly narrowing her eyes in sympathy. “It’s okay, I understand. You feel really isolated right now because you don’t know what’s going on,” she leans in a little “but the truth is, we don’t entirely know what’s going on either. All we know is that Spencer hasn’t been to work in two days and you were the last person to see him.”

You stare back at her with an apologetic look and the two of you share a brief silence of understanding. As worried as you were right now, you had to remember that Emily and everybody else in the BAU were also extremely worried. You nodded, not saying anything.

“I need you to tell me about the last time you saw him." She’s the first to break the silence.

Instead of simply responding, you stare at her blankly. You opened your mouth to speak, but no sound would come out. It was like you physically couldn’t respond. You couldn’t even let yourself think about the last time you saw him. The guilt was overbearing, it was pushing tears to well in your eyes. Sighing, you take a gulp and try to get yourself together. Eyes wandering everywhere except towards Emily.

“You okay?” She questions for the second time, giving you the same narrow-eyed look as before, but this time there’s concern behind her eyes.

You try to respond but all you can do is bite the inside of your cheek. Emily’s presence was a welcome distraction from the current situation, until it wasn’t a distraction anymore. She’d unknowingly pushed you back into the headspace you desperately needed to stay out of to keep composed. It wasn’t her fault, you knew she was just doing her job. However, right now you desperately needed her to go away or you were going to completely break down.

Then for the first time in days the universe took pity on you. It leaned into the room in the form of one colourful Penelope Garica, giving you a rushed greeting and ushering Emily out of the room.

“Hey Em, sorry to interrupt, but we need you in the conference room. By that I mean like yesterday.” Garcia turned towards you and squeaked a sad “Good to see you again, I wish it was under different circumstances.” before disappearing. Emily drops a quick “Excuse me” as she gets up and disappears after her.

You knew she would be back. For now, you had time to calm down and you were extremely grateful for that. Taking deep breaths, you check your phone again. There on your screen was Spencer, smiling back at you brightly. You glance at the time again.

4:03 PM

Your eyes instantly land back on his face. They must have stayed staring for a while; before you knew it Emily had re-entered the room. “What’re you doing there?” The sudden interruption from her voice pulled you out of your trance. “Huh? Oh-Sorry, I was just checking the time.” A half-lie. “It’s 4:17.”

No verbal response. Her only response was a look you couldn’t entirely make out as she took a seat in her previous place. “Emily, is everything okay? Did something happen?” 

“I need to tell you something and you need to listen to the full thing, okay? Spencer’s been kidnapped.” She nervously bit her lip as she broke the news to you. “Garcia pulled a recording from a surveillance camera on the street outside your apartment building.”

“What..” You interrupted, unintentionally. “What do you mean kidnapped? Outside my apartment?”

“Look. I won’t lie to you, this is bad. You were the last person to see Spencer and then he’s taken from outside your apartment-”

“Wait a minute, are you telling me that I’m a suspect?” The second time you cut her off, she leans forward and takes your hand in hers. “Listen to me. The whole thing okay? No interruptions.” Her patient tone gives you some comfort. You nod, giving her the go ahead to continue. 

“Now, in normal cases, those closest to the victim would be looked at as initial suspects. But this is not a normal case. You aren’t a suspect but you might be the key in finding him. I’m going to play the recording for you in just a minute and I need you to tell me if you recognise anything. Before I play anything though, we’re going to have to run a cognitive interview and recall your last day with Spencer. I understand that it may be hard, but if you want to help find Spencer, you’re going to have to.”

As your mind processes her words, your hand attempts to close into a fist and squeezes hers. “Emily, I can’t” are the only words you can bring yourself to say.

“Why?” She’s quick to ask in surprise. 

“Because it’s horrible, Emily. The last thing we did was fight. The last thing I told him was that I didn’t want to be around him.” You spit out before you can stop yourself. 

The woman sighs as she mumbles your name, “You can’t possibly blame yourself for this. All couples fight. You couldn’t have known this would happen. I promise you, no matter how bad you think it is, it really cannot be worse than not finding Spencer.”

Her words are blunt, but her voice is empathetic. It’s just what you needed to hear to break out of your ego. “Okay, what do you need?”

“I need you to close your eyes okay. Just listen to the sound of my voice as I guide you.” The brunette instructs. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath. “Think back to that day. What were you doing when you first saw Spencer?”

“We met at our favourite café after he got home from work. He had missed our date the night before and wanted to make it up to me. I was checking the time when I heard him call out my name from behind me.” You begin to recall.

“Okay, you turn around to see him. What’s happening around you? Is it busy?” 

“No, it’s actually really quiet compared to usual. There’s maybe four or five other people here besides us.”

“What was Spencer like? His behaviour, was he acting like he normally does when you’re together?”

“He was pretty normal at first. He just looked tired, more than he usually does. But it wasn’t until we started talking that I noticed that something was off.”

“What was off?”

“He just wasn’t present like he usually was. I could tell that he wasn’t feeling great, so I insisted we go back to his place. It was closer than mine.”

You continued recalling the events of the night. When you turned on the light as you entered his apartment, he hissed slightly. That’s when you realised what was going on. He admitted that his migraines were back after some pushing. You asked him if he’d gone to the doctors and he told you how they’d found nothing again. You sat him down on the couch, got him some painkillers and brewed some tea for him. He began ranting about how there had to be something wrong. That’s when you suggested that the migraines could be stress induced. The two of you began arguing not long after that. 

“Spence, have you, maybe, considered that the migraines are psychosomatic? Probably from all the stress you face at work?”

“What does my job have to do with this? What are you saying?”

“I’m just saying that you have a stressful job. It can take a pretty heavy toll. Stress is a common factor for migraines.”

“No, not like this. I just need to find another doctor. One that can actually help.”

“How many doctors will you see before you finally understand that it’s in your head?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I should have worded that better.”

“You think I’m crazy? I am not crazy!”

“Spencer, I’m not implying that you are! I’m saying that it’s probably stress induced-”

“No! No. That’s not what you really think, is it? Go on, say what you really mean.”

“What? No. That’s not at all what I’m saying.”

“But it’s what you’re thinking”

“No, it’s what you’re thinking, Spencer.”

“Don’t hold back now, just come out and say it.”

“GOD SPENCER! You think that just because your mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, I think you must be one too? You’re completely reaching! You just don’t want to deal with the reality that maybe it is all just in your head! … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“Leave. Please.”

“Spencer..”

“Stop. Please. Leave.”

“Wait Spence-”

“I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t even bear to look at your face right now.”

“Yeah? I don’t want to be near you anyway. Not when you’re being like this!”

Emily’s hand on your shoulder pulled you out of your head, “Hey, it’s okay. Take a deep breath for me.” And so you do, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Once she’s sure you're calm, she leans back in her seat and continues, “You’re doing great. I need you to go back to the café. Was there anything or any one out of place?” 

You think back. You and Spencer were sitting just by the entrance. There was another couple ordering at the counter. You could smell flowers. Not the nice, light, floral kind of scent. It was the loud, head-ache inducing, overpowering roses kind. It was coming from your left, where there were two old ladies sitting not too far from your table, lost in their own conversation. Behind them, in the far left corner, there was a man sat glaring at Spencer. You couldn’t really see the man that well but, nothing felt out of place. 

“No.” You mumble in disappointment, unable to remember anything out of the ordinary. Wait. The man in the corner. “Yes, yes there’s some guy. He’s barely in my vision, but he was glaring at Spencer. I made eye contact with him once as I entered but I didn’t think anything of it.”

“I need you to really think hard,” Emily urges, “What can you remember about this man? Any distinct details?”

“Um, he was dressed in dark clothing and wearing a beanie. There isn’t really anything that stands out. I’m sorry Emily.”

“No, it’s okay you did great. You can open your eyes now.” You do so, greeted by the sight of Emily across from you fidgeting with the tablet in her lap. “I’m going to show you the recording and I need you to tell me if you recognise anything from it.” 

She passes the tablet over and you click play. It’s a little blurry but you can see Spencer walking on the street outside your apartment building. It looks like he’s making his way over to your place. A man shows up out of, seemingly, nowhere and bumps into him. Spencer appears to become drowsy, unable to coordinate his movement at all. Thirty seconds later, a black van pulls up and that same man from before yanks your boyfriend into the van before it drives off. 

Your stomach drops. “Fuck, Emily! He was right there. He was right outside my apartment. They took him…I should’ve…oh my god..” If you thought you were gonna have a panic attack before, you were in for a heart attack now. 

Emily tries to call your attention using your name as she grabs hold of your hands, “You need to take some more deep breaths okay, panicking now is not going to help.” She’s right. Spencer has already been kidnapped, panicking isn’t going to bring him back. The video replays in your head, you recognise something.

“Wait Emily..the man - that man from the café. That’s the same man. The one who bumped into Spencer. He’s wearing the same clothes and everything. Oh my god, was he following us the whole time?” The realisation seeps through your body and shivers run down your spine. Spencer was being watched the entire time you were together. “Why did they wait? Why didn’t they just take me out and then kidnap Spencer?” 

“I don’t know the answer to that, but you’ve helped a lot. Now I’m going to go and tell the rest of the team what you’ve told me, okay? But you need to stay here.” 

“Why? I can’t just wait here forever, how is that gonna help?” you question. You couldn’t just sit here alone with your thoughts, you needed to get out. 

“Those men that took Spencer, they clearly know about you. This puts you in danger and we don’t know what their plan is. Here is the safest place for you to be. I’m going to send an agent to sit outside that door,” She points at the brown door that serves as the only entry and exit to the room you’re currently in, “His name is Agent Anderson. You tell him if you need anything at all, but you need to stay here. Please.”

You watch her stand up hurriedly and head for the door. You know she’s right. They can’t search for Spencer if they also have to worry about your safety. Getting Spencer back was the most important thing. “Okay.” You agree. “But Emily,” she turns back to look at you from the doorway, “Please bring him back, okay?” 

“We will.” She Promises. It may be an empty promise. There’s no guarantee that he’s even alive, but it's enough to keep you hoping for now. Spencer has to be okay. 

Spencer’s POV

It’s not very often a person finds themselves escaping death’s grasp. The chances of the same person escaping death twice is even less likely. Yet here I am, in the back of an ambulance, on my way to the hospital, having escaped death for the second time in my life. Hopefully, it won't cost me an addiction this time. “Rossi this is ridiculous, I’m fine!” I insisted to the older man next to me, looking over me like a watchdog. I was already aware that my injuries were serious enough to warrant a hospital visit, but I hoped that the EMT’s would ignore that regardless. I need to get back to her, I just want to hold her as soon as possible. “Sir, you need to lie back down” I hear a voice instruct from my right. Then I hear Dave from my left.

“Kid, you are not fine. The sooner we get you to the hospital the sooner you can leave. Now lie back down and let the medics do their job.” How am I supposed to stress the seriousness of the situation in my drugged up state? My girlfriend is in danger! “No Rossi, I need to see that she’s alright, you don’t understand. They got me from right outside her apartment, they know about her!” Why doesn’t he understand? “Reid, relax. She’s been at headquarters since yesterday afternoon. She’s fine. She’ll meet you there, Anderson’s driving her there as we speak.” I have to count on this reassurance for the time being, because I was clearly not getting my way anytime soon. 

Wait yesterday? “No Rossi, that's not right. What day is it? What time?” Guilt surged my veins, did I really miss the most important day of the year? “It’s Friday. Wait no, Saturday now, about uhhh,” he paused “1:43 AM.” No, no, no. “Saturday? She spent her birthday at headquarters? That wasn’t the plan!” I desperately needed to explain something to Rossi, but I couldn’t find the right words. I couldn’t even fully remember what I needed to explain. “Okay, Sir, I’m going to have to inject you with a light dose of tranquillisers if you don’t calm you down.” I hear the voice on my right say. 

“No, don’t touch me! Get away from me! Rossi-” My objections are interrupted by Rossi on the left again “Kid, you’re heavily drugged right now and you’re not making sense. You need to calm down. Just do as the nice lady says.” I’m entirely perplexed. What lady? And where am I right now? I try to make sense of my situation but my senses are suddenly taken over by a strong sense of drowsiness. I feel at peace, but something has to be wrong because I can hear rapid beeping behind me. “Sir, you need to keep your eyes open, do not fall asleep!”

Your POV

Somebody’s hand hesitantly shaking your shoulder wakes you up. You slowly open your eyes to see Agent Anderson crouching in front of you. Before he can get a word in edgewise, you start throwing out questions at the poor man and rush to sit up-right. “Agent? What happened? Did they find him? Is he okay?” The rapid fire of questions knocks your own breath out of your lungs and forces you to pause for a deep breath, allowing Anderson to cut in. “They found him! I’m not entirely sure of his condition, but he’s on his way to the hospital and so is the team. I can drive you so you can meet them there.” He stands up and walks towards the door, holding it open for you.

“Yes! Please! Let’s go!” You don’t even hesitate as you respond, jumping up from your seat and practically running towards the door. The journey from the building, to the car, then to the hospital is another blur. Spencer fills your mind, as usual, while your eyes are fixated on the time displayed on the dashboard. You watch the minutes pass the whole ride. ‘2:13 AM, 2:14 AM, 2:15 AM, 2:16 AM’ and finally as you arrive at the hospital:

2:17 AM

“You head on in, I’m going to park and follow behind you.” Anderson breaks the streak of silence. The car barely comes to a stop before you jump out and make a bee-line for the doors. You probably look like a maniac running up to the reception desk. “Hi Ma’am, how can I help you?” The receptionist asks unfazed, probably used to seeing maniacs like you. “Spencer Reid. That’s the patient's name. Where is Spencer Reid?” You pester urgently. “Just a moment please.” The receptionist smiles as she begins to type on her keyboard. She turns back to you after a few seconds, instructing you on where to go. “Thank you!” You don’t even blink after she’s done speaking and immediately head towards where you're guided. 

As you enter the waiting room, you’re greeted with the faces of his team from the BAU. “Hi! There you are!” Garcia is the first to notice you, coming in for a hug. “Hey, how is he?” you ask hugging back, no time for proper pleasantries. The rest of the team start making their way up to you one by one for a quick greeting too. “We don’t know yet, the doctor should be out soon to let us know.” Derek, the last one to hug you hello, answers. That’s never good to hear, nervousness covering your face. “Don’t lose hope, he’s going to be just fine!” Rossi interjects your train of thought before it can even begin. Damn profilers. Anderson, true to his word, shows up too. 

Feeling slightly ashamed for your rushed behaviour you apologise and thank him for his patience. He assures you that there’s no need and he understands, before Hotch sends Anderson home for the weekend. It seems like everybody in that room takes turns sitting and pacing around. Everyone except you. Your eyes are glued to the clock at the entrance, occasionally making small talk with the others. It’s officially been three excruciating days since you’ve last seen Spencer and even now, as he’s just a few metres away, you’re unable to see him. “Happy belated birthday.” Rossi whispers, taking a seat next to you. You turn to face him, slightly stunned. “Sorry?” 

“I said happy belated birthday.” He repeats. You can only return a puzzled look, unable to muster the common ‘thank you’. “Spencer. He told me, in the ambulance.” He answers your unasked question. A single tear manages to escape your eye before you sniffle and re-adjust to compose yourself. 

“How bad is it?” Your boyfriend's condition is your immediate concern. 

“You know it’s funny,” the old man ignores your question, knowing it’s better to not worry you further, “the whole ride here the kid would not stop going on about needing to be there for you. It’s like he was unable to comprehend anything in regards to himself. And now here I am, talking to you, and it’s like you’re unable to comprehend anything that doesn’t concern him.” He takes an almost dramatic pause so he can look you in the eyes, like he’s trying to pass on an unspoken message. Whatever that message was, you didn’t understand it. 

He knew you didn’t, because he continued, “even in extreme situations like this one, you think about each other before you think of yourselves. You truly love each other. So, whatever happened before this, let it go. Feeling guilty about it won’t help.” With that he got up from his seat and headed towards the vending machine. Damn profilers. You don’t have a chance to linger on his advice for too long before the doctor shows up. “Spencer Reid?”

Everybody gathers almost immediately around the doctor, waiting to be updated. “He’s got a broken rib, minor concussion, a few deep bruises, specifically around the abdomen, and other minor cuts and bruises. Other than that he’s been heavily sedated, but he’s going to be fine. He’ll be knocked out for a couple of hours, but he’ll be just fine. You’re welcome to see him now, but only two at a time please.” Almost immediately as the doctor leaves, the group turns to look at you and JJ pipes up first. “Would you like to go in first?” 

You couldn’t wait to see him before, but now the nerves were getting to you. “No. You guys go in first.” 

“Are you sure?” Emily asks. 

“We’re allowed two at a time, you know.” Derek reminds you.

“Yeah! The rest of us can take turns while you sit with him!” Garcia pipes up, softly.

“No, come on guys. He’s just as important to you as he is me. Besides I’ll be here for a while, the rest of you need to get home. I can see him after.” You reason. 

“Okay. If you insist. But if you change your mind, let us know.” Emily nods, as she begins to head towards Spencer’s room.

You were sitting in the waiting room once more, while the team had taken turns going in and out of Spencer’s room. Eyes trained on the clock, again. 

4:31 AM

Most of the team had headed home by now. You were honestly surprised they stayed as long as they did, knowing how late it was and how exhausted most of them were. The only people left besides you were Derek and Hotch. Jack was away at a sleepover so Hotch decided to stay longer, feeling responsible for Spencer. “What’s going on in that mind, Pretty Girl?” Derek now sat across from you.

“Derek!” you jumped slightly, not expecting him. “Nothings going on. Why? Is Spencer okay?” 

“You know you keep doing that. Deflecting.” He doesn’t let you get away with it this time. 

“I’m not.” You persist. 

“You are. Look, Spencer’s one of my closest friends and by extension you’re also my friend. I’m not going to force you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but just know that I am here to listen.” He persists harder.

“Derek, I just…I don’t know what to say. Not just to you, but to him. The last time I saw him, we fought. He said he didn’t want to see me anymore. I know it’s all in my head, but I can’t stop thinking about if he meant it. What if he truly doesn’t want to see me?”

“Woah, woah! Pretty Girl, c’mon. He’s crazy about you, you know that. You’re practically all he ever talks about. I can promise you that no matter how bad you think that fight was, he won’t let it ruin what you have.” The reaffirmations from Emily, Rossi and now Derek were honestly unnecessary. You were a rational person, you already knew everything they’d said to you. The emotions just overpower your rationality at times but hearing those closest to Spencer confirm was how you knew for sure that it’s true. “Thank you, Derek” You responded with a small, but confident smile.

“He’s awake.” Hotch alerts the two of you. FBI training must be heavy on sneak attacks because these fucking profilers had unbelievably light steps. You turn to face the usually monotone man and instead, catch him sporting a relieved smile. He meets your eyes directly as he speaks, “He’s asking for you.” A hopeful huff leaves you as you stand up. “Go get 'em beautiful!” Derek encourages. You thank both him and Hotch, making your way to Spencer's room. You take a deep breath as you approach the door, but before you enter, you make a final note of the time.

4:55 AM

“Hi Angel.” Spencer’s voice weakly acknowledges your arrival in an instant. Your heart feels a mix of hurt and relief at the sight in front of you. His figure’s confined to the gurney and linked with tubes to an IV drip. With every step bringing you closer to him you’re able to make out more of his injuries. Bruises on almost every part of his visible skin, an especially large one covering the surface around his cheekbone, eye and temple. Cuts on his nose, lips, arms - you bite your lip trying to hold back the tears welling you eyes again. “Please say something.” He begs, matching the same pained look as you. 

Rossi’s words were starting to make sense. While you looked at your lover in guilt over his marred state, he looked back at you with guilt for worrying you. “You look like hell.” Maybe not the most sensible thing to say right now, but you didn’t want to cry and worry Spencer further. The poor attempt to lighten the mood showed some success because you earned a light chuckle from your boyfriend. The atmosphere didn’t stay light for long though, the two of you almost instantly falling silent as you stared into his beautiful brown eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

The words fall out from both of you simultaneously. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Angel. You were right and I was being unfair.” Spencer intertwines his fingers with yours, immediately rejecting your apology. “You were,” you agree “but I was also unfair. I shouldn’t have said what I did.” He tries to sit up, wincing from the unanticipated sharp sting. This earns him a soft reprimand from you, reminding him of his broken rib and you instead use the remote to shift the gurney into a position comfortable for him to lean against. “You need to be more careful!” You whine.

“I know, I know. I just, I want to hold you.” He whines back, staring at you with his dangerously powerful puppy eyes. Those eyes were actually dangerous, you had to internally fight yourself to not give in. You opted to meet him half-way and lightly wrapped your arms around his head for a quick hug. “Don’t look at me like that. There will be no holding unless the doctor clears it.” You whispered against his hair before pulling away, not wanting to accidentally hurt him more. “Technically I’m a doctor-” He tries to protest, but you beat him to it. “A medical doctor, Spencer.” 

You pull the chair from behind so you can sit as close to him as possible and take his free hand into yours, holding it tightly. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.” You look at him in disbelief as the words leave his mouth. “Spencer, forget the stupid birthday please! Actually, can we just stop with the apologies? I’m just glad that you’re okay- sort of.” Your eyes scan over his injuries again as you say the last sentence. “Stop. Don’t do that. I’m okay, I promise.” It’s more of a request than anything else. He doesn’t like being ‘babied’ or pitied. “Angel look here.” his fingers guide your face to meet his eyes.

“I’m okay. These will heal, but please don’t give me that look. I know you want to talk about it and we will, later. Right now I just want to talk to you about anything else.”

“I know you do, it’s just hard Spencer. There’s so much to say and I was so worried. I spent three days thinking you hated me. Well, technically, I actually spent two days thinking you hated me and the third losing my mind about-” 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he cups your face gently to cut off your ramble and keeps his same soft, whispery tone, “I know. I too spent the last 3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes regretting the last thing I might have ever said to you was something I never should have said because I was being an ass.” 

“Don’t say that!” You immediately interject, unable to even think about the meaning behind his words. He brushes a strand of hair out of your face, “Shhhh, just listen.” 

“There’s just so much more I have to say. So much more we need to talk about. And right now I just want to talk to you about anything else, even the little things that don’t matter. Especially the things that don’t matter. So please, just tell me about all the pointless things.” His voice cracks slightly at his plea, his gaze connecting so deeply with yours, tears glazing his lashes.

Stupid puppy eyes. There was no fighting against them this time, you gave in. The two of you talked until the medication knocked him out. It was easy like that with Spencer, you never ran out of topics. Nurses went in and out of the room, hours passed by, but you stayed right there next to him. The next few days were spent in the hospital, you only left to get refreshed if somebody from the team was there with Spencer while you were gone. Spencer was asleep most of the time due to the medication. Everybody from the BAU took turns visiting, Garcia always bringing fresh food with her. 

Before Spencer was discharged, the two of you agreed that it would be best for you to stay with him while he recovered. You wanted to be there for him in case he needed anything and he’d take any excuse to have you near him. It was a smart decision overall, because the broken rib rendered Spencer unable to do almost anything on his own. Which is why you were currently watching him bathe, perched on the edge of his bathroom counter, making sure your boyfriend didn’t accidentally hurt himself further. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know. I’ll be fine.” Spencer insists. “He says, after almost breaking another bone trying to undress by himself earlier.” You snark. 

“I think you’re enjoying this a bit too much.” Amusement surfaces in his voice and it causes you to blush. 

“Careful, handsome, you’re going to work yourself up and end up disappointed.” You successfully fluster him back. The doctor deemed Spencer unfit for any physical activity, much to his dismay. 

“Ughhh,” he groans, dramatically, rolling his head back. “This is so unfai-Ah!” His complaint is cut off by his own shriek while trying to reach the loofah around his back. 

“Shit Spencer!” You panic, hopping off the counter and rushing to his side, grabbing the loofah out of his grasp. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, sorry. I just can’t reach my back, I guess.” 

“That’s literally what I’m here for, dummy. Let me get it.” You shuffle behind him from outside the tub and gently push him forward so you can access his back. 

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to do this.” There’s a slight hint of embarrassment in his voice. 

“Spencer, love, stop. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Plus, I like taking care of you.” It was true. Doing small things to make his life convenient made you happy. 

“It’s not just because it’s embarrassing. You shouldn’t have to go out of your way for me like this, you have better things to spend your time on.” The insecurity in his words makes your heart ache. Reaching your hand around his jaw, you turn his head back towards you as you lean in to meet his eyes. 

“How can I get it through your thick, beautiful, skull that I want to be here? I want to do this. I want to spend my time with you.” You state matter of factly. He searches your face for any hint of insincerity. Unable to find any, he whispers, “Thank you” and leans in to give you a gentle kiss.

“And plus, you did promise we’d make up for the lost 3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes when you got discharged.” You jokingly remind him of his words to you in a conversation you shared at the hospital. He chuckled and kissed you once more.

“I will.” A re-affirmation of his promise. “But this doesn’t count.”

“How so?” You question. “We’re here together aren’t we?”

“Yes, but you deserve more than this.” He declared. “I’m going to make it up to you.”

“Spencer, you don’t have to make anything up to me. We have to make up for lost time.” 

“Let me make it up to you anyway?” He flashes those damn eyes at you again.

“Just get better first okay, then we’ll talk. Plus you owe me a conversation before anything else.” Normally Spencer was the one who’d have to remind you of things, but today it was the other way around. 

“I guess I do.” He sighs in defeat, “Before we do that I have to tell you something.” 

“Yeah?”

“Rossi offered to throw you a party for your birthday and I kind of, maybe, said yes? It was less of an offer and more of a statement if I’m honest, but I thought you’d like it because you’re a huge fan of his books and always wanted to see his mansion. There’s tons of space for your family and friends too and-”

You cut off his speech with a kiss. “That’s wonderful Spencer, thank you. Tell Rossi I said thank you as well.”

“You’re not disappointed? I know you prefer smaller celebrations and originally I had something else planned but given my current state it’s a bit hard to go through with those plans.”

“Of course I’m not disappointed. I’d be happy with anything as long as you’re there.” You flash him a grateful, genuine smile. He kisses you briefly. Then again. And again.

“As much as I love kissing you, we need to get you to bed. Come on.” The two of you share kisses, giggles and loving looks, as you help him out of the tub, dry him off and get him dressed. Making your way over to the bed, you first help him settle in before getting into your side. It’s clear that Spencer doesn’t know where to start. 

“Let’s start with that night.” You take the lead. He takes a deep breath as he begins to recount the events. 

“I felt terrible after you left. I never meant any of it and I just, I am so sorry.”

“I know. I am too.” You reassured your lover, not wanting him to bear guilt over it any longer. 

“I was on your way to your apartment to apologise when I bumped into the unsub. The next thing I knew I couldn’t feel my legs and was being thrown into the back of the van.” He couldn’t offer you more than the basic details, due to the classified nature of his job. The unsub wanted revenge because Spencer was the reason they were caught in the first place. “I’m sorry” is how Spencer finished his re-telling. 

“Sorry? Why are you sorry, that’s not your fault.” A light, confused chuckle escapes your throat as you speak.

“Because, I put you in danger. Because this job puts me in danger, which always puts you in danger by extension. You deserv-”

“Stop. Spencer, stop.” You cut him off, afraid of what he was insinuating. “Stop telling me what I deserve. I knew what your job was when I entered this relationship. Don’t.” Tears threatening to spill from you, your fingers digging into your own flesh to try and stop them. Spencer noticed, gently coaxing your fingers away from your palm as he massaged your hand lightly. 

“Angel look at me.” He almost commands. You begrudgingly meet his eyes, holding your breath as you mentally prepare for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me speech’ you’d heard before from others. “What’s wrong?” He questions, not entirely sure as to why you were crying. For a genius he could be really unaware of his wording sometimes.

“Why do you keep saying that?” You’re unable to hold your tears. 

“Because I want you to know that I’m going to do better from now. To give you the ‘better’ you deserve.” He wipes your tears, still holding on to your hand. 

“Then why does it sound like you’re trying to break up with me right now?” You sniffle, squeezing his hand slightly.

“I must really suck at communicating, because that’s the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do.” He uses his hand to gently coax your head towards him so he can kiss you. “I want to move in together. With you.”

“You do?”

“Yes. If there’s anything I’ve realised over the past few days, it’s that I really hate being away from you. I hate not being able to see you, hear your voice, feel your touch.” He gives you another kiss. “I am not going anywhere. And I really hope you don’t either. Move in with me?”

You give him a peck. “Yes.” Another peck. “Yes, Spencer, I’ll move in with you.” A deep, longing kiss. You share a few more kisses and then nestle against him. Both of you laughing. 

The next few hours pass with both of you just enjoying being in each other's arms. Gently stroking the others hair, small kisses here and there, ‘I love you’s’ bouncing off from one another. The 3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes spent worrying you won’t see each other again seem so silly now that you’ve got everyday to look forward to. 

“Angel?” Spencer’s voice lulls you out from your semi-conscious state. “Hm?”

“Thank you.” On the surface it was just a simple sentence, but his intention was deeper than that. It was a show of gratitude for you choosing him. For staying with him through the hard times. 

“Always.” Your promise that you’d do it again.

“Spencer?” You say after a second. 

“Yes my love?” Spencer replies.

“Thank you too.” 

“Always.”

Both of you fall asleep cuddling not long after. There were still a few things that needed to be worked out, but one thing was for sure, you were going to wake up next to the love of your life the next morning and then every morning after that. You’d truly found your forever person in each other. 

Spoilers: Hurt, Angst, Fluff, Comfort, Established Relationship.

AN - First fic I’ve ever written. It’s been in my drafts for so long, I’ve edited it so many times. I hope you didn’t feel too edged because 80% of this is without Spencer scenes (I did and I wrote it).

Feel free to drop helpful criticism, I’m always looking to improve. Remember to stay real and respectful :)

Thank you for reading!

[tickettride]

I know you're hurting || B.C.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

pairing is benny cross x f!reader

in which you have no choice but to call benny after being stabbed, even though he's just supposed to be a memory. it was raining when you met him, and it's raining again when he almost loses you. or are those tears in his eyes?

word count: 1,9k

warnings: a lot of blood, angst and panic, mentions of death and hospital, probably a few mistakes

A/N: in a love/hate relationship with this one, but I really wanted to post something here. and look at those eyes? am I strong enough to resist such pathetic eyes? I’m afraid not :/

You had never believed in fate and luck until then. Those were just concepts invented by humans to make others feel less alone. The bikeriders club had imploded, and that was it. The reasons weren’t linked to destiny, just to a few guys looking for trouble. Delusion would lead you nowhere.

But then, why did it have to be you with that hole in your abdomen? 

The question sent you to your knees, breathing heavily in agony. The knife was at your feet, lying in a puddle of blood. Your blood. You had managed to remove it from your stomach with a scream, and now it felt as though it had drained all your energy. 

Your body screamed to lay down and take it easy, but you couldn’t. You had to call someone, anyone, to get some help. A face flashed in your mind, and it made you cry even harder. God, you had no choice. Your parents would kill you, and none of your friends were in town. The few people who had walked by the store—fate had decided they would arrive that that very moment when you were so close to death—had run away in terror, and you were still waiting for someone to get you out of this horror.

So you didn’t think twice. Hoisting yourself painfully, one of your hands pressed hard against your wound as the other reached out for the counter. Within the next minute, you were standing, mustering all your strength to get to that damn phone behind the cash register. 

A small noise escaped your throat when you stepped across the cashier, his eyes forever fixed on the ceiling. You briefly wondered if he had seen your terrified face before getting shot.

The two young men had startled you at first, but you hadn’t thought for one second that they would panic after trying to rob Mickey and stab you to keep your mouth shut forever. 

You swore you knew one of them from school. 

Nearly falling against the wall, you finally managed to take the phone and dial the number you couldn’t forget. He had given it to you on the day you met, his eyelashes wet and dark from the rain.

“In case you need me,” he had explained, the number written on a clean napkin. “Ask for Benny.”

You’d never had the opportunity to call until then. Not when he had been there to protect you. A creep getting a bit too close to you? You just had to meet Benny’s eyes. You had never realized how lucky you had truly been back then. 

The ringing stopped and turned into a buzzing silence. You prayed hard to hear Benny’s voice, but you weren’t lucky. 

“Who’s this?” 

You took a shaky breath, trying hard to keep hope. If Benny wasn’t the one on the other side of the line, then he was surely playing cards or smoking outside. That’s where he spent most of his days—now fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to lead him far away from you on that very day. Would it?

You gave the man your name, only then realizing you were talking to Cal. You hadn’t heard his voice in forever. 

“You’re hurt?” Cal asked, his tone filled with worry. 

“Um-hum,” you replied hesitantly, glancing at the door to make sure no one was coming in. You couldn’t risk him coming to get you. Cal would take at least three guys with him, and the outcome would be bloodier. “I’m fine. Is… is Benny around? I need to talk to him.”

Your vision grew hazy. And the hand holding your stomach felt so wet, so gross. The longer you waited for an answer, the further the panic spread through you. 

“I think so, yeah," Cal mumbled.

And after what felt like forever, Benny said your name. The world rolled off his tongue so beautifully that you couldn’t help but let out a sob of relief, your head thudding against the wall. This fucking man. 

“Hey,” you sounded bashful, so ashamed he was the only person you could reach. 

“Cal said you sounded weird,” Benny said. “What happened?”

Your heart beat so hard against your ribcage it hurt. Benny and you had broken up two months ago for this exact reason: the danger. You couldn’t bear living in a state of constant fear, anxious that Benny would get hurt, or worse. And Benny… he had told you he wouldn’t change. Couldn’t change. Now you had almost died, and you couldn’t even blame him.

It was just your own misfortune. And now, you felt so guilty for breaking things off when that danger was absolutely everywhere. With or without Benny, you wouldn’t escape it.

“I just wanted to run a few errands, and those guys just… they burst into Mickey's store with a gun. They said they just wanted the money, but they looked so lost."

For a long moment, Benny said nothing. “Are you hurt?”

“They’ve stabbed me,” you blurted, and it felt so odd to say the words out loud. Of course, the city had its fair share of thugs and criminals. They were just not supposed to assault a decent store in the middle of the fucking afternoon. “I’m bleedin’ so bad, Benny. It won’t stop bleedin’. I swear they just had guns comin’ in, but—but the tall one pulled out a knife and—"

“Fuck!” you suddenly heard, causing you to startle and hold the phone away from your ear momentarily. “Don’t move, alright? I’m comin’ to get ya.”

“Um-hum.”

No other response came, and you supposed he had already taken off. You had never doubted Benny would show up in a second for you, wherever you were. After all, he had promised you so on the day he had first kissed you.

And Benny was true to his word. Twenty minutes later, while you were pressing your hands on the wound with all your strength, writhing in pain, he appeared in front of you.

From the quick rising and falling of his chest, you guessed he had run through the store to find you there, in the back alley. Like the first time you spotted him, the raindrops fell graciously over the curve of his nose, making you jealous when they kissed his lips. You hadn’t cared about the rain when you had limped outside, just wanting to get some fresh air and the sight of Mickey’s lifeless body out of your sight.

“I told you not to move,” Benny simply said, no hello or I’ve missed your face.

“I couldn’t stay inside with that stench,” you replied cooly, unable to meet his eyes. 

Silence filled the alley for a short time, when Benny finally noticed the blood seeping out onto your shirt. You watched as his eyes went up to your face again, the blood on the floor and your body delivering him to a sudden chill. You couldn’t hide the pain, the tears, and the dread anymore. You were standing there, bare before him, and there was nothing you could do to pretend. 

“Goddamn. What’d they do to ya?"

Benny came closer to take your wrist, but you stopped him, afraid that he would touch it. “No.”

“Let me see,” he rasped, trying to pry your fingers away from your curled-up hand. 

Your panic only seemed to work him up. He gazed at the wound for a long time, and you could almost see the thoughts behind his eyes. Thinking about how he would find those two guys again and make them pay for laying one finger on you. He would find the same damn knife and make them pay for that look in your eyes, filled with worry.

The red liquid ran quickly into the crevices of your palm. Benny said something, but your heartbeat thrumming in your ears made it hard to listen. All you could feel was the blood on your hand, never faltering.

“I think I’m gonna faint," you slurred, losing all strength in a second.

It took Benny even shorter to leap to you and hold your body against him, his warm scent filling your nostrils.

“Hey, you hear me?” Benny was talking in your ear, his strong arm sweeping beneath your knees and lifting you until you were cradled to his chest. “You’re okay. I’ve got ya.”

His voice was barely loud enough to be heard over the rain pouring down. With your head lolling against his neck, you shakily observed your red hand. Wasn’t it supposed to stop bleeding? Why was it bleeding so damn much? 

The sight was as unsettling as it was sickening, freezing you in morbid fascination. 

“Don’t let me die here, Benny,” you heard yourself mumble, your tears mixing with the raindrops.

You looked up at him. His eyebrows were knitted together, rivulets flowing down his cheek. 

“I won’t,” he promised like all the promises he had made back then, and it felt like you were flying, although he was just striding down the alley towards the main street. Your fear was contagious, but not your shame. While you tried hard to ignore the puzzled eyes of the cars driving past you, Benny barely paid them any attention. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Benny snapped you out of your daze, and you realized you were gasping in for a breath, praying they hadn’t ripped something vital inside you. “I know you’re hurtin’.”

The term of endearment made you sniffle hard. Instead of easing the heartache, all it did was break you in pieces again. You wished you could have kissed him right there. Tell him you would do anything to stay alive and give him all the love he needed. Although selfishly, you couldn’t help but love the attention he was giving you.

“We’re gonna get ya taken care of, sweets. You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

A warm kiss was placed on your wet forehead, his mouth lingering for longer than necessary while he battled his instincts and crossed the busy street. Through his affection and the fake determined steps, you could see how terrified he really was. He was just as overwhelmed as you, his features slightly hardening to hide the burgeoning emotions. Benny had lost so many people over the years; you couldn’t be the next one abandoning him.

You almost felt guilty for getting the leather seat of the car wet, but he had softly lowered you before you could say anything and you were hurting too much anyway. You kept your mouth shut as the rain thrashed against the window, and it didn't stop until Benny told you were at the hospital. The smell of it burned your nose, even from inside the car. You didn’t even want to open your eyes.

You hated how dizzy and half-alive you felt, but you hated hospitals even more. 

“Wait,” you stopped Benny before he could get out of the car, and it struck you how upset and frantic he really looked. There was this wetness in his eyes that wouldn’t leave, even when you tried to give him your best reassuring look. 

“I know you can’t stand the place–”

“That’s not it,” you cut him off, and you watched how hard he refrained himself from telling you to fucking hurry. “Can you–can you kiss me? Just in case.”

“You’re not dyin’,” Benny rushed to reply, shaking his head as though the idea was killing him inside. 

"The last thing I saw when he stabbed me was your face. Not my goddamn future or my parents. I saw you,” your voice cracked again. “Please.”

You wished, fervently, that his hands had not cradled your cheek so easily in such an ugly and mundane parking lot. On the few occasions you had allowed yourself to fantasize about the way you would find your Benny again, it had been romantic and beautiful. Not with your hands dripping red, staining his jacket. Not with your wet and sweaty hair glued to your forehead, and the ungraceful whines leaving your mouth when he accidentally touched you where it hurt. 

You clung desperately to his neck, the daze in your mind turning into something less painful. Benny kissed you as if it were the last time, and you sank against his love that came from the pit of his soul, where no one had been able to reach. No one but you. You kissed him back as strongly, one hand clutching his thick, disheveled hair.

“It’s not a goodbye kiss,” Benny warned, glassy eyes set on yours as he shook his head repeatedly. “You hear me? You’re stayin’ with me.”

All you could do was nod as he wiped the hot tear that rolled down your cheek. Fate and all the misfortunes set on your path still made no sense to you, but you supposed it was less scary with Benny on your side. After that kiss, you were certain he wouldn’t leave you ever again. And it wasn’t even delusion.

It started right in the hospital room, where he refused to leave you for more than a minute. You were safe and out of danger—as for now—but Benny wasn’t having any of it.

"I'm stayin'," he kept saying to the nurses, and when he looked back at you with those eyes, you knew he meant it. He would always stay.

[footiecent]

not your fault

(emily fox x reader)

in which you're obsessed with your girlfriend (especially her jawline)

warnings: slightly suggestive? almost all fluff

word count: 1.1k

It's not your fault. Really, it's not.

“Baby, don’t you have to get up soon?”

You hum in reply, half asleep. 

You’re so comfortable. Your head is tucked protectively into the crook of your girlfriend’s left shoulder and neck while you lie almost entirely on top of her, the covers burying the both of you into a warm, delightful cocoon. Emily’s left hand is slowly moving up and down your back, and everything is just perfect.

“You can’t be late for work again.”

You open your eyes at that, but at the first moment you start to untangle your arms from her waist and feel her body heat dissipate, you realize that maybe you can stay for just another minute.

So, you decide to flop back down. Though, you’ve at least managed to roll your upper body partially off of her, giving you a perfect view of her side profile as she closes her eyes, not having to get up for practice for another half-hour. 

You can’t help but to reach out your hand and run your thumb along her sharp jawline—mind assaulted by memories of the night before when you see the marks littered below it.

Damn. She’s gonna kill me, you think. She’s told you so many times that covering hickies up before practices is a bitch, and looking at these marks—ones that might be a few too many shades past concealable—you realize you’re fucked. 

You start to analyze the best plan of action, landing on one that has you placing a gentle kiss onto her jaw before springing up from bed and hurriedly walking to the bathroom to wash up. All you have to do is leave before she gets up. Easy work. Easy peasy…

You’re so close—you’re at the door, knelt down with one shoe on when you hear her.

“Y/N! Come on!” she yells. 

Yikes.

You manage to put your other shoe on right as she appears in your vision, very clearly ticked off. 

“It’s not my fault?” you try, walking towards your very beautiful, and very pissed girlfriend.

“Oh, so it’s my fault I have to cover these up?” she says, pushing your shoulder when you stand in front of her.

Looking at her face, you decide that telling her you literally just look so incredible at every moment it’s not my fault you’re mine and I can’t help it would not exactly help your case. So, you decide to resume your quick exit, quickly kissing her cheek and saying, “Have a good practice babe, I love you!” as you grab your keys and leave your shared flat. 

You do make a mental note to buy Emily’s favorite chocolates after work. 

--------------------------------------------------------------

Like really, it's her fault. Who gave her the right to look that good after a game?

You’re reminded that you’re always completely in the right when you’re sitting at the Emirates two days later, watching your girlfriend wrap up a defensive masterclass against Chelsea. For the first time in a while, London is sunny, and the beautiful weather only adds onto the incredible mood in the stadium as the full-time whistle blows and cheers thunder throughout every corner.

You can’t help but stare at her while she celebrates with the rest of the team. Lotte likes to joke that the two of you could melt taffy with just one of your lovesick glances, but you can’t help it. It's her fault for looking so good after a game—sweaty, smiley, and positively glowing after helping her team to a win. 

She spends time walking around the stadium, signing autographs and taking pictures, while you chat absentmindedly with Alessia, who came to greet you before starting her rounds of the stadium. But when Emily finally makes her way towards you—lifting her shirt up to try and wipe some sweat off her face—you start thinking about your plans for after. Alessia catches your change in demeanor, rolling her eyes and walking away while muttering something under her breath. 

“Did you enjoy the game?” your girlfriend asks, stepping in front of you, grinning from ear to ear. You both look disgustingly in love as the sun shines down and highlights her vibrant smile. 

“Of course I did. How could I not, superstar?” 

Being in the stands means you hover tall over Emily, enabling you to comfortably wrap your arms around her neck as she looks up at you. You ignore the few stares that direct their way towards you two as you relentlessly press kisses onto her jawline and cheek. She’s laughing as she playfully tries to shove you away, but you can’t help but hold her a little tighter and whisper just how excited you are to get home. 

--------------------------------------------------------------

So, she should stop getting annoyed. She should know that you’ll never truly be satisfied. 

Your watch reads ‘8 P.M.’ as you cuddle up to Emily’s side on the white couch in your living room. The two of you had rushed home from the afternoon game, unable to resist the allure of enjoying each other’s company for a few hours.

And now, after redressing yourselves, cooking and eating dinner, washing the dishes, and tidying up the kitchen, the two of you are sitting together, more innocently enjoying each other’s company. She has a book out while you scroll mindlessly through Twitter, poking her side every few minutes to draw her attention to a funny tweet. 

After thirty minutes, however, Emily is deeply immersed into her reading and you’re bored. So, you resort to beginning your favorite activity: staring at her. You look up at her while your head rests against her arm, and you’re still mesmerized by her beauty even years into your relationship.

“What?” she asks without looking away from her book.

“You’re hot.”

She dismisses the comment with a small snicker, but places a kiss onto your forehead regardless. 

“We already fucked today, let me read in peace.”

You huff, but the both of you are well-aware that you aren’t deterred by small obstacles. So naturally, you begin to press a few open-mouthed kisses right below her jaw. She indulges you for a moment, closing her eyes and letting her book rest on her lap. But when a kiss turns into a stinging bite, she opens her eyes and grabs your shoulder. 

“C’mon, stop it. I have to go in for recovery tomorrow, you know that,” she whines. “I already stopped you from leaving marks once today!”

But she should know that you simply can’t help yourself. She should’ve known that you were going to toss away her book from her other hand, grab her wrists, and straddle her lap. She really should know that the stern look she sends you—with her jaw clenched, almost sharpened—while sitting underneath you only makes her hotter. 

She should’ve known that she was going to wake up the next morning with quite a few more marks. 

After all, it's not your fault. 

[shiny-jr]

Get you a guy with thighs bigger than yours.

- Warning: Gender-neutral reader. 

- Characters: König.

- Summary: Thick thighs do not save lives.

- Note: This came about because I was just talking crazy in the dms with a mutual. I originally wasn't going to ever let this see the light of day, but then I decided, why the hell not? If I get smacked with delayed embarrassment, I'll just delete. Yeah, I know this isn't what I usually write and post, but oh well. Anyways, after this, we will be back to our regular scheduled content shortly. Oh, and sorry for minor mistakes, I wrote this like at midnight.

. . .

You decided to put a movie on. Just for a distraction. After about an hour into the movie, the leather couch got a bit uncomfortable since it stuck to your skin. So you slunk down to the floor, bringing a pillow or two down with you to use in case extra comfort was needed. The movie was beginning to lose your attention, but you still watched the screen attentively as if you were still focused on the film's plot.

What ended up catching your attention, was the slight shifting couch. Well, slight probably wasn't the correct word, as the movement was anything but light. It was safe to assume the shifting was from a guy who was well over 200 Ibs and a few inches short of 7 ft, although you didn't know the exact numbers because you never wanted to ask König outright.

It was easier to hear the movement, as the large figure scoot a few inches over. Instead of sitting beside you like he was a few seconds earlier, he had not so discreetly moved to take your vacant spot and sit directly behind you. He tried to stay quiet, he really did, but it wasn't so easy for him given his size. At the very least, he treaded carefully, not bumping your back once with his legs or accidentally knocking the back of your skull with his kneecaps.

You didn't move, but your eyes slowly glanced downward, where you could see the tip of his boots. Custom made, as most department stores didn't carry anything in his size. Most articles of clothing he had were custom-made or bought in special stores, save for that odd black diy mask he often wore over his head like a hood to hide himself from the world. Too afraid to lean back and accidentally make contact and disturb this fragile peace, you remain still despite the slight ache in your lower back that make you want to lean back and stretch. But you don't. All you could do was try to revert your attention back to the movie and not think any unholy thoughts, that is, until you heard more movement.

To not bump his knees against you, Konig spread his legs a bit and leaned down. The edges of his homemade cloth mask brushed against your back as you stiffened up, and you could make out the shape of his head beside yours as he whispered, "Do you, uh, want some...?"

Yes. "What???"

"Popcorn? Do you want some popcorn...??"

Oh.

After deciding whether or not you'd accept his offer, silence ensued, only fueled by the movie playing on the television. You weren't gonna lie, you have no idea what the hell was going on in the story anymore. A solid minute passed when he spoke again, sounding just as unsure as the first time. He spoke, as if whatever thoughts he had on his mind earlier where left to simmer for long enough.

"Scheiße. Sorry, should I have not moved here...? You can still lean back if you want?"

"Oh, okay... I, um, I'll do that."

Your back was starting to ache a little from sitting up without support, so, feeling just as awkward as he was feeling, you leaned your back against the couch. Instantly, as soon as you did that, your peripheral vision was covered by his knees and part of his legs. The movie was pretty much pointless now, as you were currently wondering whether you should thank whatever gods existed or curse them for the fact that König did not have shorts on. Even without shorts and with specially fitted cargo pants, they could not conceal the insane bulk of his legs. Especially his thighs. Good lord. The two pillows you brought down before from the couch were essentially useless now because on each side of your head were his limbs that rivaled the best of My Pillow.

Think of something else, anything else, is what you tried to tell yourself.

That idea would go out the window as soon as you felt something in your hair. Carefully twisting a few strands, you felt some thick and calloused fingers gently try and feel the texture of your hair. But it lasted only for a brief second, as he immediately pulled his hands away and murmured a tiny bit louder from his whisper earlier, "Ah, sorry, I should've asked first. I should not have done that. I am sorry––"

"It's okay, I... don't mind." You shrugged it off, and much to your surprise and contentment, he continued.

The first few seconds had a bit more hesitancy, but as time ticked by, seconds turned to minutes, his boldness increased. It started with his large hands carefully feeling the texture of your hair, then it became slow brush strokes as his thick fingers ever-so-carefully untangled knots in your stands of hair. Until eventually it escalated, and he gathered the courage to do something so bold as to scratch your skull. He could easily take your entire face in one hand and crush your skull, but he didn't. There was no sign of any such roughness. Instead, his fingers and nails continued to comb through your hair, lightly scratching your scalp. At first when he did this, he paused, and waited for any objections or signals of a negative reaction, but after no such thing, he continued and seemed pleased.

It was after about five-minutes and heavy mental debating in your mind that you decided to suck it up and go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Honestly, you didn't even expect to make it this far.

So, after taking in a breath, you let your head fall to the side. It wasn't like those romantic scenes where you watch the character lean their head against a love interest's shoulder. Oh no, you were skipping that part, your ear landed right on his thigh. Which was probably due to the cushion you placed underneath you on the floor that elevated you a few extra inches, or else you might've missed. In that moment, right as the side of your head landed on its intended target, you felt him freeze. His fingers stopping, nails still on your scalp. A second passed, then two, then three, like time froze.

You were almost tempted to pry yourself off and apologize, but you really didn't want to. But you had to ask. "Is this alright...?"

"J-Ja... I mean, yes..."

Your eyes widened, and you were sure you had on some goofy kinda grin but at least you weren't facing him so he couldn't tell. Once you heard his response, your shoulders slumped, relieved of tension you didn't even know you were carrying.

Even with your head against his thigh that wasn't plush but was still definitely comfortable, you realize you were no better than a man as you resisted the urge to just reach out and squeeze his other thigh that had gotten closer without you even realizing it. You had to dig your nails into your knee to prevent yourself from acting on impulse.

It was definitely almost pure muscle from what you could tell with your head on one of them. Firm but somehow still soft. Thick thighs, in fact, do not save lives, because these thighs have ended who knows how many between them in finishing moves on the battlefield. Lucky bastards. Trying your luck agian, you place a shaky hand on his other thigh, but he didn't react. A good sign? Possibly?

Forget goth gfs and thick plush thighs, apparently giant anxious austrian soldiers with thighs as thick as tree trunks and strong enough to obliterate skulls like melons were the new fad.

Movie totally forgotten, your vision was entirely covered when König leaned down a bit from his spot on the couch and you tilted your head to look up and meet his gaze. The masked man stared at you, his blue eyes peering down at you through the two small slits cut into his mask for his eyes to see. His mask partially dangled, but not fully, so not revealing himself to you. When your gaze traveled away, abruptly his thighs got closer, squishing your cheeks and the sides of your face but not enough to hurt. Just a bit of pressure to get you to look up again.

Oh god.

There was literally no space between your face and his legs anymore, and your arms instinctively went to the outer side of his thighs to try and pry them apart a bit. You didn't try much, maybe because you enjoyed it or because you didn't exactly have strength strong enough to rival his, so all you could do was clutch the pockets of his cargo pants that were just above his knees, your nails digging in softly just to get a quick feel.

Once he saw he had your attention again after he applied a bit of pressure, he cocked his head to the side and continued to look down at you through half-lidded eyes darkened by the shadow of his hood. Then he spoke, but this time with no apprehension in his quiet tone.

"You do know I've ruined others that were in a similar position to what you are in right now?"

[jamespotterismydaddy]

Lord Husband (Chapter 8)

cregan x reader

A/N: omg another update so soon? who would've thought i could do it

series masterlist

word count: 1,832 words

You’ve never looked so beautiful in your life. You know that to be a fact as you stare at your reflection in the looking glass. You made all the handmaidens leave as soon as you were readied, wanting to spend your last few moments as an unmarried woman in solitude. Now, you aren’t sure if the solitude is something you can even appreciate. You’ve waited all day for your mother to arrive, thinking she would want to spare some comforting words but now you’re starting to wonder if you’ll even see her before you become Cregan’s… before you’re no longer her’s. It’s disheartening to think about how desperately you wish that you could revert back to your childhood. It’s almost all you can think about, swimming in the sea with Jace and Luke, playing dolls with Baela and Rhaena, resting your head in your mother’s lap as he fingers run through your hair, Daemon’s voice whispering a story about Valyrian dragonlords in the background. They’re such fond memories but you hate it when they fill your head because you’ll never feel that way again.

“You’re a vision.” You didn’t hear him come in. You didn’t even hear him knock. Did he knock?

“Thank you, kepa.” father. Sometimes it feels strange to call him that. Especially when you know you used to call Laenor the same thing.

Daemon walks over to you. “You will do well here.” He says as his hand grasps your chin gently but he is still forcing you to look in his eyes.

“Will I?” You ask just as gently as he touches. “Is that how you felt about Runestone? Is this what you wanted for me?” His grip tightens.

“My clever girl.” He says thoughtfully. “Clever enough to know it’s different. This marriage is necessary.”

“At least it isn’t one of your daughters being sold to the North, right?”

“You are my daughter. You also know that Baela and Rhaena help your brothers through marriage.” It’s left unsaid but it’s in the air. 

Baela and Rhaena make my bastard brothers look more legitimate. 

“And I suppose I don’t need such help?”

He sighs. Of course you don’t, is what he’s thinking. You have a claim to nothing. You inherit nothing. You’re just a girl.

“Can you believe me when I say that Cregan Stark is the best match for you? Your mother and I didn’t have you betrothed on a whim. We would not be so careless about your future.”

Your mother said nearly the same thing and you think you could open your mouth to agree with him but Rhaenyra arrives at the door. 

“Mother.” You hate how you breathe out the word in relief.

There’s tears in her eyes. “My perfect girl.”

You notice the dripping ruby earrings in her hands.

“For me?”

“Of course. They were your grandmother’s.” She comments as she walks over, taking your own earrings out gently before putting in the rubies. They’re more simple than what you have on but clearly the better choice. “She wore them on her wedding day.”

“Did you wear them on your’s?”

“No… I didn’t.” The fact seems to hurt her. “She would be happy to know that you’re wearing them.”

“Thank you.” Is all you can seem to say. Even Daemon senses the tension in the dynamic.

“They’ll be ready for us soon. You ought to make way so you don’t miss the ceremony, Rhae.” Your stepfather says and your mother seems to agree.

She grabs your hands, giving them a fleeting kiss before she’s out the door.

You think you dissociate for the next ten minutes. Actually, you know you do because there can’t be another explanation for how you’ve come to be at the edge of the Godswood. Your breath freezes up in front of you. It’s snowing; you wonder if that’s a good thing. Brides often dread rain on their wedding days. Should you dread the snow? You can’t imagine doing such a thing when it’s this beautiful. The little flakes drape themselves on your eyelashes, across your hair. They melt into your warm cheeks. You wonder if it makes you look prettier because as your eyes follow their way up the aisle to Cregan, you think they make him look prettier. He’s shrouded in a fur cloak. Tiny snowflakes decorate it and his hair. He’s the embodiment of a northernman. 

You’re clinging to Daemon as you’re brought up the aisle, clutching his arm like he’s a piece of driftwood that might save you from drowning. Perhaps it’s more like a child clinging to her mother’s skirts, about to be ripped away by slavers. There’s so many unfamiliar faces in the audience, so many people who will be your subjects in a sense. You’re cold as you reach the front, almost shivering.

“Who comes before the Old Gods this night?” You don’t recognize the man who stands at the front. He must be some sort of relative to your betrothed.

Daemon speaks for you, saying your name, “of House Velaryon, comes here to be wed. A woman grown and flowered, trueborn and noble. She comes to beg the blessing of the Gods. Who comes to claim her?” You wish at the very least that you could say the words yourself but of course, that would be silly to think.

“Cregan, of House Stark, Lord of Winterfell. Who gives her?” His voice is firm and steady. You know he’s looking right in your eyes as you look over his shoulder to avoid eye-contact.

“Daemon, of House Targaryen, husband to her mother.”

“Princess, will you take this man?” The officiator speaks again.

Now you look in Cregan’s eyes. You can see the pleading in them. It’s so hidden and almost overshadowed by his clear pride but it’s there, no matter how much he doesn’t want it to be. You don’t know if he pleads for you to not embarrass him or if he pleads for you to want him. It’s of no consequence. 

“I take this man.” Now is it relief in his eyes or pity?

He takes your smaller and much colder hand in his, sending a flush of warmth through you before you both kneel in front of the heart tree. Everything is silent for the prayers that are meant to be between you and the Old Gods. You suppose you should say something to the gods that you now claim but you can’t think of a single thing.

You and your husband rise now and he removes your Velaryon cloak to place one of House Stark over your shoulders. He cringes at the way you practically wince. You already miss the loss of colour. He then takes your arm, people clap and you’re led to the feast.

“You’re colder than ice.” He murmurs, taking your freezing hands in his to try and warm them.

This is the first thing he says to you?

“Is the snow a bad omen?” It’s the only thing you can think about right now. You can’t get the idea of it out of your head.

He didn’t seem to think you were going to say that. “I would not have thought that you cared much for northern omens.”

You’re just silent in response.

“It’s good luck.” He says. The answer doesn’t necessarily please you. “You look wonderful today, wife.”

Wife.

“I don’t think i’ve seen a woman so beautiful in my whole life.” You gaze up at him as he says it and he’s just staring straight ahead. It’s like he’s stating just pure facts and not an opinion.

“You look… very nice as well.” You reply, hating how his comment made you blush.

He takes you to the main table in the hall, holding out your chair for you like a proper gentleman. All the other guests file in. You’re more than glad that you don’t have to talk to them until after the feast. Though, you’re not sure if you’ll be able to down a single bite, finding more comfort in your wine goblet instead.

The Queen stands and raises her glass. “To Lord Stark and his beautiful wife, my lovely daughter.” All the northerners cheer. You notice how well your brothers and stepfather seem to enjoy the rowdy bunch. You, on the other hand, are trying to keep the bile down.

Cregan places a hand on your upper back, rubbing gently. “Perhaps some food to go with your drink?” His eyes have no judgement in them, only worry. He noticed right away that you’re eating like a mouse.

“If I want food, then i’ll eat.” You snap at him slightly and he just sighs. The wine is starting to go to your head more and more. 

“I know. I know you can take care of yourself. I just take my duty as your husband seriously.” You hate the tenderness behind his words. It’s hard to be cruel to a man so kind. So, you say nothing.

The feast comes to a natural end and clearly people want to dance and celebrate so you don’t protest when Cregan takes your hand.

You feel like a fairy, floating on air as you dance. Your head is empty and your body is light as your husband lifts and twirls you. You look so peaceful to him at the moment, calm and angelic. He wonders if he should have been more firm about discontinuing your wine consumption but he’s also so pleased about how content you look.

You dance the whole evening away, exhausting yourself as you take the hand of almost every man who asks. You don’t even feel real. It’s like you’re above the clouds when you move.

It’s Daemon who halts the fun. After you dance with him, he brings you back to the table. “Are you trying to drink yourself into the ground, sweetling?”

“Yes.” You say bluntly.

“Hmm.” He sighs. He understands why you behave this way. “Understandable, but I won’t see you with another goblet for the rest of the night.”

You have to hold in your eye roll but you still obey.

You slowly start to sober up over the next hour and it’s sickening. Your melancholy seems to grow as the alcohol leaves your system and your heart drops when someone calls for the bedding. You hope it’s nothing like a southern bedding ceremony even if you doubt that your mother would allow such a barbaric tradition to befall her daughter.

Cregan makes his way through the crowd to you. He speaks once he is by your side, “There is this tradition in the North, as a symbol of protection and strength, the groom will often carry his bride to bed on their wedding night. Will you allow me to carry you?”

“I would not deprive you of tradition.” You try to keep your words from slurring.

Everyone is watching as your husband takes you in his arms. There’s no goodbyes as you’re whisked away for your wedding night.

taglists (comment to be added): General: @valeskafics @urmomsgirlfriend1 @girlwith-thepearlearring @darylandbethfanforever9 @lovellies @juhdoche @papichulo120627 @watercolorskyy @ophelialaufey @aerangi @ravenclawprincess33

Lord husband: @feyres-fireheart @possiblyafangirl @hb8301 @marihoneywk @youn-jo @velvet-spider @janelongxox @ninastyless @nyctophilic0vitnir @m-a-s-h-k-a @delicious-xx @weepingfashionwritingplaid @happinessinthebeing @betelrus @joliettes @black-swan-blog27 @mxtokko @valeridarkness @karolalolla @satan-s-ass @synindoodles @a-beaverhausen @petertingle3000 @lunnnix @hermaeusmorax @cupcakesminicakescupcakes @purplegardenwhispers

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All In 8

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: Hellllllooooo 😁

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The next morning comes too soon and with too little sleep. Despite your efforts, you couldn’t lay still long enough to get much rest. Every time you sunk into the shallows of sleep, you were just as quickly awoken by visions of the unknown. You don’t know anything beyond the time at which you’ll set off to your fate; nine o’clock. 

You don’t need an alarm. You're already awake and alert. You sit up and rub your temples until the thumping dulls. You can’t entirely shake the pulsing thrum.  

You drag yourself to your feet and cross to your dresser. You open each drawer, sifting through the contents with disappointment. You don’t have anything that nice. You pick out your nicest jeans and a halter top Roxie gave you. You’ll be sweating your bum off in the denim but you don’t have many skirts or even shorts. 

You can hear your mother getting ready for her own day of work. Of actual work. You wait until she’s done to claim the bathroom. She’s off only a couple minutes after, calling out a goodbye and I love you that you return in a higher pitch than you mean to. 

You dress and tidy yourself up as best you can. Your bedtime shower did little to help you sleep but at least it saves you a step. You spritz yourself with strawberry body spray and try to smile at your reflection as you put your toothbrush back.

Sigh. Did Bucky really call you sexy? 

It’s not even eight. Lots of time to wallow in anxiety and self-doubt. You pace around the front room, ready to go, but not really. You have your purse with the fringe and your least-worn flats. They pinch around your toes but they’re cute; pink loafers with a little leather rose on each. 

You cradle your phone then squeeze it hard enough to make it light up. Only a few minutes. Or not. You hear a car outside and peer through the curtain. You recognise the vehicle. Shoot, time to go. Oh, god, what are you doing? 

You lock the door behind you and turn to face the gallows. Each step is filled with sand, your legs are heavy and your feet clunky. As you near, Merv appears to open the door for you. You’re surprised but not to find Bucky waiting within. 

As you slide onto the seat, he watches you and rumbles out a silty, ‘morning, doll.’ You aren’t ready. You don’t know why but you thought the drive would give you time to toss away the last of your caution but you’re clinging to it like a raft. You feel entirely powerless. More than you ever have. 

What he promises, money; you always assumed it would give you more control, that it would solve all your problems, but it’s really just a new set of problems. You settle onto the seat as the door closes and buckle your seat belt, focusing on the simple task. He stretches his arm over the back of the seat as you lean against it and his heat seethes into you. 

“Good morning,” you force out at last. 

“That’s a cute shirt,” he purrs as his hand wanders down to tickle your bare shoulder, your nude bra strap showing garishly. “Would look better without this.” He touches the strap and you make a noise. “But I can wait for that, doll.” 

You stare forward. The divider between you and the front seat is up. You are completely alone. You feel your heart about to swell and split. 

“I’ll admit, I was up late last night,” his arms shifts slightly as he leans forward. You only notice then the scent of coffee and two cups in the holders behind the console. “Got a pick-me-up to start the day. Gotta be awake for you, doll.” 

He takes one of the cups and you realise, he means to offer it to you. You feel too bad to tell him you’re not much for coffee. “It’s called a blue dream tea latte? I think it’s blueberry or something. I saw it in some ad online. Sounded like something you’d like.” 

“Oh, thanks, er, it does?” You murmur. You’d seen the same promotion on Pinterest. It’s a rather strange coincidence that he’d think of you. “I... I’ve never tried a tea latte.” 

“Doll, I’m gonna give you lots of things you never had, take you places you never been,” he flutters his fingers across your neck as he retracts his arm. He grabs the other cup and groans as he sits back, blowing over the plastic lid. “So tell me,” his arms presses against yours. He seems so big sitting so close, “where’ somewhere you always wanted to go?” 

“Er, I don’t...” your eyes drift over as Merv drives lazily through your neighbourhood, “know. I never... thought about it.” 

“Anything you always wanted to do? Skydiving? Wait, yeah, you don’t like being high up. Makes sense, being so close to the ground, huh?” He chuckles and leans into you playfully, “you an outdoorsy type? You like hiking?” 

“Um, I don’t know, I think... I like walking in the park sometimes,” you hold the cup with both hands, letting the warmth flow into your cold veins. You can smell the blueberry and you instinctively take wife through the slot of the lid. 

“Mm, don’t worry, we’ll figure it out, doll,” he assures you and sips again, swallowing thickly before he lets out a thigh. “I think you’ll like what I got planned, even if you don’t know what you want. I’ve always been good at figuring that out, you know?” 

“Oh?” 

He laughs again, “you’re so cute, doll.” He looks over at you, “how’s the latte? Did I do good?” 

Your eyes nearly cross as you stare at the cup. You bring it up carefully and take a dainty sip. You almost moan at the creamy but sweet taste. You pull the lid away and dab your lips with the back of your hand, turning to give him a wide-eyed look. 

“It’s delicious,” you smile. 

He grins and tilts his head, “see, doll, you don’t even gotta say it. I know exactly what you need.” 

You’re breathless. Something about his tone, his words, mingles and coils around your throat. It’s like one of those old Wattpad fantasies you devoured in your teen years, those escapist dreams of having everything taken care of and not having to think, and yet, it’s too real. You take another drink to keep busy. 

“After our first stop, we’ll eat,” he says, “that okay? You’re not ravenous?” 

His words make you flinch. You blink and shake your head, “I’m okay.” 

“Sounds good, doll,” he relaxes and once more extends his arms over your shoulders, this time hugging you closer.  

He turns his head and nuzzles you, making you squirm. You’re rigid, paralysed by the proximity. You’ve never been this close with anyone. He still feels like a stranger. 

“Mmm, strawberries,” he growls, “I like that.” 

You giggle and barely keep a hold of your cup. You really can’t understand it. You never had interest from anyone. You didn’t even really have friends in school. Sometimes, you even think Roxie hates you, and your mom, well, she loves you because you have to. You just can’t comprehend what he sees. 

“Thanks...” you wisp. 

“No, thank you, doll,” he drawls, “for making my morning brighter.” 

🃏

You doubt Bucky does anything in half-measures. Merv pulls up to another upscale building and you can’t help but gape out at the white brick facade. Everything is so big and fancy and better than you. You’re so out of place in his world that you can’t but wait for the moment he decides to kick you out of it. 

The white-haired driver gets out to open the door. As you step out, your loafer slips off your heel and your foot slides down the curb. You trip outward, bracing yourself for impact, but don’t hit the ground. A hand wraps around your arm and pulls you back onto the seat. You cringe, happy at least that Bucky can’t see your face as he clings to you. 

“You okay, doll?” He asks, “you hurt yourself?” 

“No, no,” you wriggle in his grasp, “I’m fine. It was just... stupid.” 

“Not stupid, good thing I was here to catch you, huh?” He reluctantly releases you, a caress along the back of your arm, “now you be careful. You need me to get out and carry you--” 

“No, no!” You grab the car and push yourself out, fixing your shoe as you get your bearings. “Really, I’m okay.” 

He chuckles and follows. It he laughing at you? You turn to face him as he steps up on the curb. It’s easy when he’s sitting to forget how small you really are. 

“All good, doll, I just can’t have you getting banged up,” he says as he gestures you across the wide sidewalk. 

You peer back as Merv shuts the door and Bucky brings his hand to your lower back, just like that woman at the casino. His gentle touch sends a chill up your back despite the beaming heat from above. 

“Promise, you’re gonna love this.”  

He urges you on to the front doors. They are made of iron, twisted in the middle, and two long handles curlicue in the middle. He stops and presses the little silver button along the side, a buzz muffled within. You wait, fidgeting, and presses his palm firmly to your back. You still yourself and clutch your bag tighter. 

The interior doors, dark walnut, open inward and a woman appears within with a particularly snobbish look. She’s tall with straight shoulders and a Chanel style suit. She unlocks the iron doors and opens the right one. She eyes Bucky past her hooked nose as she lifts it higher. 

“Mr. Barnes,” she greets. 

“Meredith,” he returns, “thanks for having me.” 

“Only for you,” she assures as her eyes fall upon you, “you’ve brought...” 

“Someone very special. A connoisseur like yourself,” he insists, curtailing whatever she thought to remark. 

“Yes, certainly she would be,” the woman accepts with a sniff and steps back, “please, come in. Should I have Charlene make tea?” 

“I don’t think we will require it. Doll?” He pauses as he confirms with you. 

You shake your head, “no thank you.” 

“Very well, follow me, then,” she spins and struts away.  

Bucky nudges you inside first, following through the narrow door. As he comes up parallel to you, a shadow appears to close the doors behind him. The whole experience is eerie. What is going on? 

You follow the woman, Meredith, up the wooden stairs with a rose-printed runner along the center of the steps. At the top, you smell the definitive scent of books. She directs you into a room, opening the door but standing back to let you through. Bucky nods and thanks her one last time. 

“You know the rules, Barnes,” she warns. 

“Been a while...” he mutters. 

“You remember,” she rebukes. 

He laughs and pulls the door shut as she retreats, her heels clicking through the wall until they taper off to nothing. A record player drones from the corner and the window lets in the yellow sunshine, adding to the illumination of glass-shaded lamps. You peer around, as curious as you are confused. 

Bucky brushes by you, knuckles rubbing against your waist, and he approaches the antique table at the center. Several stacks of books sit neatly piled atop it. You approach sheepishly and read the spines. You recognise the titles though you’ve never read any of them. As you think, you realise that these are the same books you have on your reading app. How could he know? 

Your mouth falls open as you keep your hands folded together. You don’t dare to touch anything. It all seems so nice and likely expensive. And with how Meredith spoke, you’re certain she wouldn’t appreciate you putting anything out of place. 

“She’s a book collector. I came here a few years back to buy some first editions for my sister,” he picks up a book. 

“How...” you bend to read further down a stack. 

“A lot you can learn about a person online,” he flutters through the pages, “isn’t there?” 

You look at him and blanch. 

“I know you Googled me. Everyone does,” he snickers, “it’s fine. Comes with the territory. But you...” he snaps the book shut and comes around the table, holding it out to you, “all I found were some books and a few pictures of a cat.” 

You take the book and stare at the cover. Those pictures were old. Kai died at the end of high school. You run your hand over the embossed title; Middlemarch. You remember adding it after binging and old British series. 

“My cat. She’s gone now,” you shrug. 

“Sorry to hear that, doll,” he says. “I might know someone who can cheer you up, though.” 

“It’s... fine. She was a good cat,” you shrug. 

“Hm, yeah, but a friend, all the same,” he says, “so, you want it?” 

“What?” You peek at the book again. 

“All of them? I can have them packed and sent to your house.” 

“Huh?” Your eyes nearly bulge out of your skull, “my mom...” 

“Ah, it’s fine, we can sneak em in,” he assures. 

“No, no, I couldn’t... it’s too much. Very nice but... must be... a lot.” 

“It is, doll. Meredith gave me a damn headache tryna get in here on short notice but I did it,” he leans a hand on the table and hooks one foot over the other. “You gotta at least pick one thing to walk out of here with.” 

“Oh, I... I wasn’t meaning... I didn’t mean to be ungrateful,” you rub your thumbs along the edges of the book, “sorry.” 

“It’s fine. I know you’re not, doll. You’re... adjusting. I’m doing my best not to scare ya away but you gotta bite the carrot a little here,” he says, “so grab a few and we’ll go have some breakfast.” 

“I...” you look between him and the table. You have no doubt that he went to a lot of effort for this. For you. You can’t just throw it back in his face. “Thank you, it’s...” you turn to face the table and lean in to see more of the books. You let yourself smile, “it’s wonderful. No one’s ever... except mom...” 

“Get used to it, doll,” he steps closer, his hand once more on your back, “with a smile like that, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing it.” 

[1eoness]

professor!re4r leon fucking u.. i think (or at least wanting to fuck u)

cw content : leon size kink kennedy (jk) | sub-afab-fem-reader and dom!leon kennedy | age gap(ur 22 he's 27), leon masturbating, penetration, slightly weird ooc leon ♡

[to clarify, i am 18. anyone <18 and anyone >18 uncomfortable with interacting pls dni]

authors note bc i love rambling; btw i'm writing this in public at some boba cafe can u believe that lol im literally supposed to be studying but hwatever fuck it leon make me go blaahhhhhh. btw what do i call this? a fic?blurb?drabble? idklmfao by the way i have NO idea on how to write professor x reader shit so im sorrhy if this sucks ass.

synopsis : conflicted and flustered professor!leon kennedy of your local college struggles to improve his class' average because students like you—incompetent, airheaded, spoiled and klutzy— make it difficult for him :(

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

you heard the rustling of laptop bags and stationery as leon's students left for that morning lecture. though, they moved slow and drowsy; for leon is sure nowadays this generation can't afford to wake up at 6:00 in the morning to prepare for a 7 a.m. lecture on "deviance and crime control."

especially you.

kennedy is a sharp man. he harps on students even if they get a B on any assignment, but he swears it's on his tough love (to which a lot of students aren't really aware of, just that they know this stoic pretty-face of a man has high standards.)

he is also keen on attendance. something girls like you seem to take lightly. it was absurd, really. most professors don't give a shit, do they?

it would've been fine with leon if you missed lectures even twice a week as long as you emphasized your understanding of his lessons through putting stellar effort on your schoolwork. but the best you've gotten on his class was a B- drawing close to a C+.

so, he needs to have a chat with you. urgently.

"l/n, i need to speak with you." leon spoke, confrontative as his black jeans peered from your right peripheral vision. he stood tall beside the edge of the table where you sat. jesus, was he trying to give you a heart attack? (he always had this habit, he'd just pop out of nowhere. he has silent feet.)

yes, you may have missed his lectures from monday to thursday to go to macedonia with your family: but if leon were given the opportunity for a vacation he would snag it too, right?

you looked up at the young professor, wide-eyed and a bit intimidated. what the hell did you do this time? you closed your laptop, gave leon your full attention. leon has also noticed this about you; you're quick to pay attention but you have the memory span of a dumb rabbit. maybe even the IQ of one too, if leon was rude enough.

so you sat there, hands on your lap as you fiddled with the pleats of your blue plaid skirt. the color makes his heart beat a little—he loves the color blue. and the way it looked on you... wait, no. what the hell was he thinking?

"you couldn't even spare the few minutes to e-mail me that you'd be missing four- four, of my classes in one week." he emphasized with a slate tone, and the way his eyes peered down at you added that he needed your reasoning of the situation. he'd love to hear what you had to say for yourself. "i had to talk to your friend, ashley, for some clarification. even the president's daughter has the dignity to show up to my class with a verbal apology." leon scolded as his fingertips met the pages of your notebook. did you even care about his classes? :(

much to your chagrin, your lips were pressed in sheepish silence. hopeless, even. you didn't even have anything to say for yourself? how pitiable.

you simply can't miss class, that wasn't right! just because you thought you could hide in the shadows amidst leon's collective of 73 students (yes he counts), you aren't out of his eyes. in fact, you stood out to him even if you were just an incompetent scholar.

he sighed at your silence. "fair enough, an apology can't compensate for your lack of presence or decorum." he then placed your paper on the desk, you had gotten a D. you were never a bad student but this was your first D ever! your eyes widened and he caught on even though he could only see the crown of your hair. "surprised? because i'm not." leon uttered flatly while his pale fingers flipped through the papers right in front of you. you even spotted a few contractions— when did you even pass this?!

but you weren't a bad girl to him, no. you were capable of shame and guilt. you looked sideways, unable to meet his eyes and training your vision to the floor. you felt low, disappointing a professor that gave you numerous chances to break out of your awkward shell.

"you're a smart girl, you know that?" he finally sighed softly. he wanted you to look at him, make him another promise that you'll start putting effort in his class. he needed to maintain his class's average or else he'd prove he was an inept professor, and he can't do that when he lets 'students like you' get away with shabby attendance and subpar schoolwork. "i don't just give students chances. but that doesn't make you special." and it was true—he's voluntarily failed 6 of his students before. "you'll do something about this, right?"

"yes, professor kennedy.." you muttered modestly.

"hmm?" he hummed inquisitively as he took your paper back. he was willing to give you a chance. "listen to me. i'll give you the chance to redo your paper. i know when students rush their work and if i see even a hint of redundancy in it—i will take all my chances back. and you are never taking absences from my class. i don't want you entering even a minute late, or leaving a second early. i hope we're clear, l/n."

naturally, you were scared. so you nodded up at him after countless confirmations that you will do you work and that you'll show up to class no matter what. he has to use your word against you, he's sorry but it's for your own good.

once he was satisfied, he gave you a nod and turned his side, dismissing you. after all, leon was a busy man. you're not his only student.

it was when you walked out the building and then 20 minutes away from it that you felt like crying. you hated being scolded by him :( but just when you were about to go through your bag for your handkerchief, you were stuck with an inconvenient realization. you forgot your handkerchief.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

leon just stared at the table where you sat from just now, backpack strap over his shoulders since he was just about to leave. he gripped onto either of them slowly as he stared down at your handkerchief in contemplation.

a twofold baby-blue hankie embedded with a subtle floral print. tentatively, he picks it up with his hand and examines it. for a minute his mind went blank, conflicting between chasing you and just returning it to you or to leave it by the lecture podium for her to retrieve tomorrow (when you hopefully attend his lesson again.)

..but blue was his favorite color.

"damn it." leon, with a barely audible mutter, shoved the handkerchief in his jacket pocket. he felt like the most guilty man in the world, poor boy.

...

leon sighed.

he wasn't celibate.

his hormones were in shambles once he got to his place. perhaps part of it was because he knew he hasn't graded the recent tests yet.

manspreading, tie loose, shirt stuffy and jeans undone while his hair wisped in slightly disheveled directions. cold breaths followed out his pretty mouth.

"nnn..fuck.. uhh-" leon whimpered into the baby blue cloth, laced with your perfume. he felt so guilty, so perverted. he shuddered every time he could see over the edges of the cloth, seeing his cream-leaking tip from previous orgasms spurt teasingly. "ahh- fuuuck, p-please-"

his grunts were high. he was close to crying, staining your pretty handkerchief with guilty-pleasure-ridden tears. spilled milk, it trailed down his pretty shaft as he pumped it over and over. his motive was you— you were just so fucking stupid and had so much naivete, it absolutely vexed him knowing how endearing you were.

until a slip of leon's mouth surprised him, earning a small squeak from him as he accidentally muffled your name in your cloth. "fuck, y/n- a-ahh.. u-uhh..hmfff.." he was frustrated; whining and cumming while his mind stirred with the thought of you and your pretty eyes and the photographic memory of your dumbstricken face.

he gave out a tired whine into the cloth, so, so close to crying his frustrations out. he just wanted to eat you. christ, and he was so hard for you it made his head ache..

he could only watch his girth that pulsed with white. he pried the sweet handkerchief off his lips, breathing roughly and wiping his tears. he felt so, so sorry for you. the color of the cloth looked exactly like the skirt you wore yesterday. and yet to top it off, he (ashamedly) wiped his cum off with your dainty cloth. oh, he's so sorry..

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

he didn't want to come to this point. or maybe he did and god was force-feeding him with culpability (he's atheist). he offered once to tutor you personally. one-on-one, no distractions. and so suddenly, someone's skirt was on his clean carpet floor..

your blouse draped over your shoulder and was pulled above your bra carelessly. he handled you with so much ease, squishing you into position while he tried to slowly push his thick length into your syrupy hole. you bit the knuckle of your thumb, and whimpered timidly that he was too big. but look where you were now.

"fuck- you're so- you feel so good.. shut up and take it all, yeah?.. hmmff-" there leon goes, harping you again. you were so loud but it wasn't even your fault, not when he was pistoning his cock into you and paying no hesitation to his pace. you were simply too sweet for him not to please. "sweetheart, hold onto me.." he mutters.

he was pushing every squeak and cute little wail out of his pathetic student, rutting his tip into that spot. "n-nnghh- aah!~" you were running low on words.

"yeah?- mhmm...ffuck, right here? huh?" the feeling of him thrusting against that spongy part more and more sent your mind further into autopilot. you were past squirming around and pushing him away, you just had to take it.. and take it.. and you were doing so good ♡.

"l-leoonn.. m-mm!- fffeels t-too good-" you babbled, mind stuffy with the pleasurably-shameful feeling of being gorged with your professor's thick girth. he shuddered at the way you uttered his name so adoringly. to leon you were so dirty but so, so cute. he had you puddled into tears beneath him while he fucked into your cute little hole with fervor. he just wanted to stuff you full, make you his, adore you forever.

he whined softly into your shoulder. you kept clenching down on him and it made him impossible to think. his phone was ringing on his bedside but he doesn't even give a shit—if anything he tried to drown it out by thrusting into you faster, to which made him lament into your skin. he even adjusted your hips up impossibly further.

"l-leeonn, n-no..— n-no more, please!!-" you blabbered adorably, voice mumbly and whiny as you clawed at his shoulders or back— you didn't know anymore.

"shhh shh.." he cooed over your cries with a quiet and honeyed voice, planting a soft kiss to where he could reach on your face or head. "i know, i know, it feels so good, hm?.. just let it feel good, baby—ahh, fuck-.. uhh..." he moaned lowly into your shoulder, unable to stop the way he rutted his cock into your creamed-up cunt. you seemed to be enjoying it, so why were you complaining? leon thinks to himself smugly but he knows he can't act on his pride. after all you made him like this—submitting to his carnal urges...

you didn't wanna cum a third time, huh? silly little girl.

leon growled quietly into the crook where your neck and shoulder met. you've never heard that sound from him. he held you down, constraining you, and squished you further into his mattress. a helpless and surprised yelp lolled out your tongue as he went impossibly quicker while he cursed like he was about to break down in tears. leon was mercilessly grinding his cock into all your sensitive spots, not letting your pleas of retort contest him. "fuckfuck- u-uhhh, take it, baby, c'mon... do it f'me, it's gonna feel so good-.. ahh!-"

he couldn't even finish his sentence—just piping his cum in you roughly as if he were proving a point, growling whinily along the way. he even kept fucking you shallowly while you were a dumb, sniffling mess with no sense of self-assertion as you creamed all over his shaft uncontrollably a third time. consecutive and quiet whimpers could be heard from you while you soaked in your overstimulation, needing him desperately to reassure you again through the overbearing pleasure of being pushed past what your cunny can handle.

"poor baby." he muttered to himself breathily as he gave the last of his tired, frustrated thrusts and pulled out of you; giving you the time to breathe while he pats your hair down comfortingly. his fluttering eyes finally closed as his head found refuge in your neck, slightly limp with exhaustion as he huffed cold breaths on the wet patches of your skin.

he pulled his head away after a minute of regaining what's left of his strength. leon looked down at you with subtle puppylike eyes, like he was sorry for ever being so harsh on you; even before he fucked the shit out of you. you quietly took your handkerchief to wipe some sweat off his neck— and his cheeks went a little rosy, remembering what he did to it that day you "lost" it ♡.

seems detergent can't wash something like lust away!

[aphroditesmoon]

death grips

modern!jacaerys velaryon x fem!vampire!reader.

summary: you live vicarously through passing mortal's eyes as a creature of the night, doomed to a life of immortality, and jacaerys is the hand that extends, an opportunity you're reluctant to welcome.

warnings: biting, blood drinking, descriptions of assault, mentions of self harm, vampire esque violence, writer!reader, reader's characterization is highly inspired from the book "Woman, eating."

wc; 5.7k

special dt for my babe @hxtd

YOU HAVE NEVER felt so hungry. It has been at least two weeks and a half since you fed.

You have suffered longer weeks before, impressive lengths of starvation that you held on to the same way mortals do with air. It was a test at first. You wanted to see how far you could take it, how much until it would finally kill you.

The answer was disappointing. You had walked around the city aimlessly for almost 3 months, staggering as you moved, hands trembling and eyes wild as your stomach churns and begs for blood.

But you did not die. You merely suffered like a living corpse.

Once the realization set in, the starving had soon morphed into a form of self-destruction. A penance you inflicted upon yourself.

Death would never take you. No matter how hard you've tried, your curse was to never have an end to your suffering.

Even as the scars healed and the monsters died. The sorrows and the horrors you've endured replays themselves like clockwork in your mind everyday.

To try and enjoy life like humans do was impossible. Life did not feel worth living when you've died a thousand times, but your body refused to rot.

You thought you knew grief when your mother died, but the universe played a cruel joke on you on the day you were turned a vampyr. A young girl you were, still growing, and kept growing even after you were turned. And yet once you turned 18, your body's growth froze itself, and you then had to learn how to mourn the girl that you were, and the girl you could've been if it had just never happened.

Now, you merely endured.

I've grown weaker somehow, you thought to yourself. The pit of your stomach burned as you rested your head against the hard brick of the nightclub building. You could hear the loud music bouncing through the walls, the tunes so vivid in your ears.

You figured you'd make your attack inside, surrounded by drunken visions and easy targets. No one looked twice at the girl with her face buried a random person's neck in a club at saturday night. But then you heard him before you felt him. His ragged breathing. He watches from afar, predatory eyes and a perverse mind, coming up with ways he would entrap you.

So you make your way to the side of the building where the wind is soft against your skin, making a rise of goosebumps. And like a dog, he followed you.

He thinks he's quiet with his steps, but you can hear arrogance a mile away, and with those impatiently big steps, you feel bloodlust in your veins and on your tongue. You clench your jaw as you feel his presence next to you.

"What are you doing out here when the fun's all inside." His scratchy voice spoke up. You could smell the vodka coming out of his breath, and more importantly, you coulf smell the tangy metallic scent of his blood.

You moved only your gaze up to meet his eyes. And at once, you were ready to pounce. He was so near. So big and so weak, unknowing on what is about to happen. But as his quick hands moved to snake around your waist, another voice intervened, suprising both of you.

"I would think twice before touching her." The other man spoke.

He looked straight at your meal, standing only a few steps away from him. When did he get so close? You did not hear him.

"Walk away man, this is my girl." Your almost victim answered back in annoyance. You tilted your head to get a better view of your supposed hero, curiosity overcoming the hunger.

"Right, that's why you were staring off at her for 3 whole minutes from the other side of the road before you got here." He sassed back.

"Why the fuck were you staring at me for 3 whole minutes ass face." Your meal shouted, his patience thinning.

You wanted to shove his face against the concrete when he had the audacity to grip your waist. But instead, you just cracked his fingers apart from you as he yelped out in pain. "The fuck-"

"Walk away until your legs fail you and forget this ever happened." You muttered at his face before pushing him off of you.

The shock in his fave dissolves slowly, he turns to the other man and back at you in confusion before walking off like you compelled him to.

You watched him until he disappeared from your eyesight, hunger returning again, now that the entertainment has ended. Maybe you'll just eat this one, you thought.

No, you shook your head slightly. You don't kill good men. But a bite would not hurt.

"Are you alright?" He asked you, you could tell the concern was genuine. He neared you until he could see you clearly under the night sky.

He had a regal looking face, one could even say royalty, and a tinge of sincerity in his eyes that added to his charm. You nodded your head once and looked him up and down.

"Not to sound like that kind of guy, but being in a dark, empty space alone in a place like this is like a death wish, isn't it?" The corners of his eyes crinkles as he questions you.

"Maybe I'm suicidal." You retorted in a monotonous voice. "And this is really how you wanna go?"

A smile forces its way on your face, no more arguments left in you.

"Does my saviour have a name?" You shouldn't have asked. Not when you're planning to drain him in a few minutes. As much as your kind claims to be the creature of the night. When the doors are closed and the bloodstains are washed off, guilt washes over you the same way they do to anyone. Attachment is never a good idea.

"Jace. Jacaerys." He had a small smile of his own. "Jacaerys." You enunciated every word with a raised brow. "You must be someone's rich son with that kind of name."

His face flushes and he immediately shook his head, eager to change the subject. "And what's your name?"

You gave him your real first name and felt a small sense of freedom released from your hollow soul.

Everything went quiet then. He looked at you as if he had more to say but his lips were currently sewn. It was either now or never, you've done this a million times, and your aim isn't to kill anyways. But at this very moment, you just noticed that you had completely tuned out the music, the honking cars and the chattering voices. You only heard your own slow beating heary, thumping gently by your chest.

----

Everyone has a little voice inside of them. The voice of reason, voice that intrudes, the voice that weighs the good and evil.

But the voice in your head took the form of the younger version of yourself on th day you were turned. Tha child had been strongly hurt. And you'd like to think that you've quite moved on from what happened, and yet, stuck in your nervous system, like a ghost that haunts, she speaks to you like she is her own person, apart from you.

And as of right now, as you let Jacaerys walk you home, the voice is yelling out insults and scratching at imaginary doors as if imprisoned.

He isn't like that. You tell her. I can tell, i can see it in him.

The voice gives up, all she does is ask one last question before you shut the locks on her completely. And how has giving a strange man the benefit of the doubt served you before?

Your mother died when you were only 8. She was no saint, but she was the only person in the world who had a single goodness to offer you.

After her death, your father's violent tendencies worsened. You had to walk to school for 45 minutes back and forth every day for scraps of education. Every penny he made had been used for liquor and weed. Food became a privilege you had to earn, not a right. If you're lucky, you'd get to eat at least once a day from a portion big enough for a rat.

Because he did not care for you anymore. It was evident then that you could either be invisible, or abused. And for a long time, neither options were something you could just wake up and choose for.

It depended on his mood that was rarely well. And it's worse on nights he's drunk of his ass, insisting that you are the mirror of your mother.

The day you were turned, was the day everything changed.

You were 13.

13 and walking back home from school. And there he was, your maker.

It was dusk then. The sun had sank down. Not that it would make a difference, The heat would've never burned him to death.

And as the dark angel approached you, with red eyes and sharp fangs, like a story you've heard to keep children off the streets after sunset, you're shaken, halted in place.

He was terrifying, but he had looked at you with what could be interpreted at that time as adoration.

But he was no father of the orphans, nor is he a lover of the helpless. No, he was a perpetrator. He is the evil that mothers warn their babies of. He wasn't some wretched creep wanting a feel like all the other men. He was worse. He perversed innocence, and intimacy, you understood it immediately as you're left to pick yourself back up from a back alley, bleeding and gnawing with your newfound teeth, hours after he had drained and fed you.

Despite the newfound strength you had gained becoming immensely helpful when it came to your father, you would never claim it to be a gift. For every defense it had a hand in, it also took, and took and took from you. You were a changed woman at the age of 13, that was the cost of naivety.

"I am not so stupid now", you whispered under your breath.

"Hm?" He looked to you, eyes wide. You hummed ignorantly, facing the road again.

The streetlights brightened your path as you made your way to the large apartment building. Jacaerys struggled to find words to keep the conversation going, but you could feel the screws and gear going off in his pretty head, itching to come up with something smart.

If he were to ask questions, you'd give one word answers and it'll be back from square one. If he were to talk alone, that would be egoistic and irritating.

So instead, he chose to try and make his own assumptions. "You are an artist." He said confidently.

A smirk shadowed your features. "What makes you say that?"

"Most masochists are." You laughed then. Something you haven't done in a while. "I'm a writer." You corrected.

Understanding flowed through his eyes. "Of course you are." He smiled, nodding to himself. "So are you the kind that writes of murder fantasies or are you more of a torturous poet kind of girl?"

You liked him, you decided then. There are lots of things that can make a man attractive, observance is one of them. "A little bit of both. Poetry is essential, and sometimes from the torture and the poetry, a story can be born."

He hummed attentively. "You are a student too, i assume?" You nod. "That's where I study." You pointed a hand towards the glowing building of your university, a sight ti be seen from miles away. "No shit?" He laughed.

"I go there too." He follows up after. You weren't suprised, he looked the typento be able to afford to study there. In a different universe where you were a common girl, neither of you would have ever bunpedinto eachother in this kind of setting. Money had always been an issue back then, and before you had been cursed, you would imagine years of school work being flushed down the toilet as you knew that your dream to further your studies would never be funded.

But now your father's funds and your mothers inheritance are fully under your responsibility as your deadbeat old man lies in a nursing home all the way back in your village.

And if those funds run out, scamming rich men would become your career. You can even start with this one, you joked to the voices.

"And let me guess, finance?" You nudged him with your shoulder. He scoffed and rolled his eyes teasingly. "Business major actually."

"Of course you are." You used his own sentence from before.

His grin was endearing, you almost flashed one of your own back, teeth and all.

The two of you stopped right in front of the main doors and felt disappointment lingering. Should you have talked more as you walked before? No. You did the right thing, to fawn over some business student with great hair isn't a you thing to do, you guard your boundaries strictly.

And yet, as long as you can remember, you have never met anyone that made you want to talk this much.

He looks at you with eyes that were begging you to invite him in, but if you do, there would be no going back. You would eat him, or you would string him into your mess of a life that he could never understand.

So you gave him one last glance before you began to enter the building. "Thank you." Was the last thing you said to him before you returned to your seclusion, and his deep brown eyes was the last thing you thought of before you fell asleep.

—

He felt his heart beating fast as he watched you disappear into your apartment building that night, a sense of regret washing over him regret of what, he's not so sure. Or was it longing that he actually felt?

It doesn't matter. He had done what he's supposed to, what conflicting emotions he's left with after was not your responsibility, it is his own to look after them.

Jacaerys knew who you were when he saw you that night, or the right rephrase for the sentence is, he remembered you.

You clearly don't recognise him, but he still remembered the first time he laid eyes on you during an unremarkable welcoming frat party on the first week of his semester. You had appeared on the staircase, leaving Dalton Greyjoy's room. The boy had been absent for the rest of the party that night.

Jace wasn't sure just what it is about you that had stood out to him. You dressed just like any other girl, you walked just like any other girl, and yet he noticed how dead your eyes were, not a single shine nor expression. It almost felt sociopathic to look that uncaring. It was alluring.

And yet, a few nights ago, when he had walked you home, your dead eyes glowed slightly under the moonlight, and your rare smiles occasionally made an appearance. He decided then, to retract the opinion he had made before knowing you.

Whatever it was about you, he wanted more. He wanted to know more, to experience more. To be the one who filled sparks in your dull orbs and to be the one who knew how to fish out a laugh from inside.

And so he decided to look you up. All he had was your first name and your course name, even with the privilege of being the dean's son, going through the list of over a hundred thousand people with the same name was a chore, but he was willing to put in the work.

But gods, how disappointed he felt when he couldn't find you after hours of scrolling. There was only 150 students with the name, and none of them were you, and all had different courses.

He wondered if maybe he had spelt your names again and had come up with a list of different variations of your name to try again. By the time he finished, it had been 2pm, and he had remained unsuccessful in his pursuit.

Jace slumped on his chair, closing his eyes as he ran his hands over his face in frustration. This was incredibly stupid. You probably lied about your name because you didn't like him. Why didn't he think about that before?

And trying to hunt you down using his mother's official email adress was starting to explain why you were right to do so.

The right thing to do right now was to leave it up to fate. He saw you once, and then twice. What are the odds of a third time?

That has always been a fatal flaw in Jacaerys' personality. He wanted to believe that things that are meant for him will find him, but he is also very impatient. Always eager for the feeling of control. Fate is only fun as a concept.

But accepting fully that you might not get the things you want the most because it's just not for you is harder than it looks.

He wanted to believe that if he were to try enough, he'd get what he wanted despite the universe's intervention.

And right now, what he wanted is to find you, to learn the proper way to know you, to really know you. While his presence had been seen as amusing to you, yours have bewitched him. If you were to tell him to leave you alone, he would. But first he would try.

Jacaerys opened his tired eyes again, facing the bright screen of his laptop. The battery was dying. Jace stood up to pull out the charger before plugging it into his laptop, watching it brought back to life again before he sat back down on his chair.

He could go back to sleep now, or he could try again for the 4th time. He wanted to try again, bit as his eyes fluttered sleepily, fighting against his will, he decided to give in and turned off the device before climbing onto his bed.

Let fate intervene, and if he never sees you again, he'd learn to live with that.

This is just an infatuation, he told himself. Infatuation dies when you don't feed it, and so this too shall pass like everything else in his life. As he lets sleep overtake, he dreamt of empty oceans and hollow skies hovering above, sand through his toes as he walked closer to the body of water. And your voice, speaking from behind him, saying: "you don't survive loneliness, you accommodate it."

—

The water under the bridge was so clear that you could see the small shape of your reflection from above.

It's 3AM, and the quiet is calming. It's hard to find peace of mind as someone whose senses are heightened. And what other time do you have for a walk anyway?

You've stood here for a good hour now, just staring down while your thoughts run wild, Tchaikovsky's Valse Sentimentale playing in your airpods on repeat. It's been 3 days since you fed. After you were walked home by Jacaerys, you found that your only option was the security guard on a smoke break by the bathroom.

Ever since then, you have resumed your routine of boredom. Attending your afternoon classes and walking for hours in the evening until night, imprisoned by your thoughts.

You were sure that there was no one in the world who loved revisiting the past as much as you did. After all, the past is all you have.

When you were first turned, there had been no words to describe how it all felt. The overwhelming hunger and confusion, the survivors guilt, blaming yourself and going over the scenario over and over, trying to imagining how different each outcome would be if you had acted differently, if you had ran faster, pushed harder.

Amd even now, there are no words. Was this how Laika the dog had felt? Saved from the streets of Moscow to be sent up to space as the pride and joy of Russia in the space race, but doomed to die by the narrative from the start. To think that you've finay been saved, just to be pushed into a much worse and scarier circumstances? That must be it.

What am I doing? Compare myself to a dead dog. At least Laika died. You can't even do that.

Shoving yourself away from the railing, you decided it's time to go home. So you turned yourself to your right and began to make your way to your apartment.

Funnily enough, you felt your ankles ache as you moved. Your feet is heavy in your one inch heels, that's a first.

You smell the smoke of cigarettes as you crossed an alley, the cold breeze enhancing the scent. You've always had an addiction to them, smoke scents, gasoline scents, bug spray scents, there was something soothing in it. You slowed your steps down and took in as much as you could before exhaling slowly and oicking up your pace.

Something has changed recently. But you can't quite put a finger to it. It was just that you were beginning to feel more pain than usual, you were also feeling more lost and conflicted than usual.

You had always known what your life plan would be like, how once you've reached an age that you aren't able to explain non existant ageing, you'd start all over again until you make enough money to buy yourself some privacy and isolation.

You'll spend the thousands of years to come reading and writing until your hands fails you and your fingers break.

But these past few days, your resolve has been cracking. Is that really what you want? To be so goddamn lonely forever, so alone that not even death can be honoured to it.

It's not about what I want, it's what's going to happen anyways.

Footsteps. Loud and clear footsteps. You stop on your tracks and crane your neck to look behind you. There is no one there.

Absolutely nothing.

You look back to your front and tried to start walking again, but you're stuck, like you're being held back.

It's hard to see in the dark, since when was it hard to see it in the dark? The panic hasn't settled in yet, you were still rational. Or maybe just too tired to freak out.

But when you heard the voices, Your body shook. It was as if your whole world jas been frozen in time, and shadows loomed over your shoulders, taunting you, speaking to themselves in languages you can't understand.

Loud and clear, you feel the darkness around you and you hear their chatter. What is going on?

"Stop it." You muttered out. Thats was supposed to be a scream. "Stop it." You repeated.

Why can't I fucking move? "Stop it stop ot stop its stop it stop it-" You couldn't find the scream in your throat. You had obly your trembling legs and arms as prove that this was real.

When you cracked your head and you're finally able to spin around, every single vision and noise faded into nothingness by a second, and the alley was just an alley. Not even the smoking man was there anymore.

The last thing you saw from your hallucination before it turned into air was a white line, by your feet, like a moving animal that vanished when you flashed it with your phone screen.

"What the fuck." This could not be happening. You looked around you with furrowed brows, your stomach growled. "Jesus fuck."

You hear ambulance sirens away from where you're standing and physically flinch. Was that real or a hallucination, too?

It has been long since real fear had ever crept into your cold soul. But now, your head is dizzy, and every little thing you see and hear feels like an attack.

I need to move. You force yourself forward, counting from 1 to 50 over and over as you walked in the direction of your apartment. But you're weirdly slow, and nauseous.

You pause again like you've been struck by something and looked up to the sky. The dark clouds hung over you moved slowly but surely as it's supposed to be, you find comfort in knowing that the stars are at least real.

And then you felt a hand on your shoulder and jumped. "Fuck."

It was him.

You faced him with an annoyed expression, wondering where he came from. He spoke your name once. Your real name, not the one you give to everyone else.

"Are you following me?" You snapped at him.

His face went from worried to defensive. "No, god no. I'm just heading over the uni library to work on a late assignment that's due this morning, and I saw you walking. I was gonna leave you alone, but you were stopping a lot, and you don't look very good."

You studied his face for any deceit and found none. "I don't feel so good." You admitted honestly.

"What are you doing up at 3AM?" He shook his head.

"Taking a walk." You mumbled while massaging your temple with your thumb.

"Taking a walk?"

"Yes, and I'm leaving now, so you can go do whatever you're about to do." You did not wait for his answer and left immediately, but just as you silently expected, he followed you.

"I'll walk you home." He offered, or stated moreso.

I don't need you to walk me home like some guard dog, you wanted to say. But deep down, you were kind of grateful for some company after what had just occurred.

"What about your assignment?" You asked. The route you were using was the opposite of where he's going.

"It's not important." He assured, fixing his laptop bag on his shoulder.

"Not important?" You shot him a glance. "I can cram it in 2 hours before the submission time." You'd argue in a different night, but it wasn't this one.

The first few minutes of the walk, you were resigned to being silent, going over what had just happened to you over and over. Your first thought was that something more evil and monstrous than you cursed you for something you had done.

You wouldn't call yourself the devil, but you haven't exactly been the nicest person to people around you. Had you bitten a witch's man or something?

The second assumption that so far has sounded the most logical, is that you're insane. You've had hallucinations before of course. Little voices in your head. Hearing things that aren't there, seeing shadow people. But they always disappear on second glances, fast enough for you to blame it on the trick of your mind.

But the recent one? It was vivid, and clear. It was real. Or at least to you it was.

You were glad Jacaerys wasn't forcing a conversation either, but once you reached your apartment, you turned to him and asked him the one thing you wanted to the first time you met him. "Do you want to come in?"

"Yes." He answered, too quickly. "Okay."

You made him a cup of tea as he politely sat on the couch, bag on the floor. "Sugar or no?"

"Sugar." You added sugar.

You'd get him something to eat too but in truth, you have nothing. There are stale biscuits that exists in your kitches as fillers to the empty space and some fake fruits on the counter, but nothing truly edible.

"Here." You placed the cup into his hand, your fingers brushing together.

You move casually to the seat opposite him and laid down on the cushion, facing him.

He had questions. That was obvious.

"Cig?" You offered, pulling out a pack and a lighter from your back pocket. "No thanks." He declined politely.

Your hands shook lightly as you struggled to light the cigarette, balancing your elbow on the material of the couch, you try again and succeeded this time. You feel the whole day's exhaustion catch up to your tired body.

"So what happened back there?" He spoke finally. You looked up to him. "What?"

"I saw you then, you were just standing. You looked lost, what happened?"

"Oh that." You shrugged. "I thought I saw something." He nodded slowly, taking in your words. "Did you?"

"Did I what?" You raise a brow. "Saw something."

You gave yourself a second to really think before you answered, "Yes, I did."

He did not push for more answers surrounding the situation, accepting your response as it is.

He leaned back against his seat, relaxing properly. The small dim light that shone down on the righy side of his face makes his eyes look like they're golden, the same way yours would be sometimes when you fed.

The idea of Jace as a vampire is conjured in your head for a moment, you imagined he'd be the good kind. The type to suffer guilt for every kill and never get used it. Or perhaps you're wrong and he's much more resilient than you think.

As you settle into your thoughts, finally having the space to unravel from you earlier fears and shock, you notice just how disheveled he looks. It wasn't that he looked a mess, but more that he's such an open book to the poinf that his emotions are all over his face against his will.

"You look tired." You chose your words carefully, trying to open through his cracks.

He shifts slightly, looking up to you from the carpet. "Tired? No, no I'm good."

You gave him a few seconds, letting the silence push him.

"I'm just a bit frustrated." He continues. "Oh?"

"I had a fight with my mom this evening." You hummed, letting the context of it all fall together. "What did you fight about."

"She says I'm distracted- from my classes." Jace shrugs.

"Are you?" He raises a brow. "Distracted, i mean."

He hesitates but then chooses to deny it by shaking his head. "Sometimes there are things you can't help but be completely average at. There are classes I excel in, and there are those I just can't force myself to."

"I'm sure that's not true. You put enough effort, you do good in it even if you believe you won't."

"Maybe." He idly agrees. "But what if I don't think it's important enough for me to put all my energy in until it drains me too much that I can't do what I like?"

You offered him a small smile and copied his earlier shrug. "Then you just don't do it. I guess in the end, it depends on how much you want that thing to happen or work. And if you don't want it that much, then it shouldn't matter."

"Exactly."

Quietness seeps into the are again very slowly, but before it could catch up into awkwardness, Jace spoke again.

"And what about you?"

"What about me?" You asked, amused.

"Do you often see things that aren't real." Whatever response you had in mine died in your throat and was replaced by a suprised laugh. "Excuse me?"

He grinned. "Just making sure you're not schizophrenic."

"And what if I was, is that a turn off for you?" You retorted teasingly.

"No, of course not. I like my women neurotic.”

"And I like my men credulous."

You stood up and grabbed his empty mug to clean it at the sink, but his own hands were wrapped over yours, stopping you. But before he could offer assistance, you said; “Let me get us something stronger than tea.”

—

You awoke the next morning, comfortably on the right side of the bed with your blanket over your shoulders, a position you rarely place it in.

The soft sounds of footsteps force your eyes open immediately as you twist yourself to face the ceiling. You push yourself upwards using your elbows, looking fixatedly on his naked back that's hovering over your desk.

"You're still here." You stated the obvious.

"What's the rush." He mumbled back, you can hear the sound of paper being flipped in his hands. " 'I could drown in those eyes. So it's summer, so it's suicide.' Did you write this?"

You snorted, pleased be thought so. "No, that's Richard Siken for you." He responds with a soft 'oh' before turning around to see you.

"When can I read yours?" He asks gently. You see the way his gaze lingered on your face, refusing to look anywhere else. "Usually that happens after a few dates."

"And do you wait after a few dates first before telling people your real name or?" You frowned, confused.

"The name you gave me when we met, it was never in the university system."

"Why were you looking for me in there?" He clicked his tongue, averting his eyes somewhere else.

You weren't really worried that he had tried and failed miserably in an attempt of stalking you, in fact, you felt a sense of glee fill your hollow soul at the thought of it.

"I didn't lie about my name." You confessed after a while. "I changed it a long time ago into something else."

"I see." He relaxed visibly. "So you just have two names?" You nodded. "Then what do I call you?" He genuinely asks. "Whatever I ask you to." Not meaning for it to sound as scandalous as it did, Jace's face broke into a smirk. "Right, you like your men credulous."

"Come back to bed." You demanded, placing your head back onto the soft pillow. "Whatever you want, my girl."

It was at that moment, as you feel the bed shifts and his hands reaching for your waist, did you realize just how satiated you hunger has been since last night.

You were sure that this was doomed to end in a devastatingly ugly way. The love between two humans itself often destroys itself despite efforts against it. A love between a cursed being and an innocent soul is a one way ticket to never being the same again for either of you.

“And what happens from here?” A different voice speaks from behind him. A voice you dreaded to hear. Your maker tilted his head, judging the circumstances with humor.

I don't know. You figured you had your whole life worked out for you. Your mundane immortality wrote its own story before you could put pen to paper. And this boy is an unexpected chapter.

[emmie-tt]

Can you write a harry potter x reader where the reader is harry gf and she got kidnapped into the malfoy Manor (in dh) and when Harry, Ron and hermione got captured there too, he finds her and he take her back to fleur and Bill cottage and he takes care of her because she got injured really bad while being there? <3 (also her having a lot of scars/marks and being insecure about them but harry will kiss them all and tell her they are perfect) and one night when she finally Trys to leave the bed (because her legs are really shaky) they go out and stay in front of the sea and they talk about their future? Sorry this is long hope you can make it <3

My Protector

Harry Potter x Reader

CW: Angst (Kinda) , Mental Problems, Mentions of blood and wounds, Mentions of Scars, Female Reader

How did you get here...As you lay on the cold hard ground of the Malfoy Manor your whole life flashes in front of your eyes. You had always been the quiet kid. Never causing drama. Never getting involved in drama. Never acting out. Hardly ever going to parties unless Harry had went with you.

Speaking of. Harry had been frantically searching for you, the moment he realized you were missing it felt like hi whole world stopped.

You didn't know that though. Not yet at least.

The lightheaded feeling began a few minutes ago. Whether it was from blood loss or dehydration was also unknown. You did know that it had been three days since you've had water and you also knew that gash in your forehead had been left unattended for quite a few hours so whichever was causing the lightheaded feeling was anyone's guess.

You heard a gasp from Luna Lovegood who was also being held captive but instead of reacting you ignored it choosing to focus on not passing out and praying to Godricks that someone helped and got you out of here...

The feeling of someones hands on your face brought you out of your haze and suddenly a fuzzy yet familiar voice was cutting through the silence

"Y/n...Y/n can you hear me?"

As your vision comes into focus your eyes widen as you realize who was knelt next to you.

"Harry..." you mumble as you weakly reach up and cup his face

He smiles weakly back, seeing you in so much pain and honestly so close to death...

"Hi sweetheart...I'm gonna get you out of here okay? Get you some help, alright?"

you nod slight and he slides one arm under your knees and the other under your upper torso. Picking you up bridal style he quickly makes his way out the things he noticed about the woman he loved more than anything was how much weight you had loss, the blood dripping down his arm from your forehead and that dazed almost lifeless look in your eyes.

He picks up the pace in his steps and as soon as the coast was clear he held you closer and floo you both off to the cottage.

------ At The Cottage ------

Harry quickly sat you down on the couch, the dizziness had took over and you had loss consciousness a few minutes prior. Molly gasps as she rushes over and helps Harry lay you on the couch.

She asses the wound on your head before quickly jumping into action and cleaning then stitching the rather deep wound

Harry stood at the end of the couch the whole time. His eyes never once leaving you as he watched Molly clean the wound and stitch you up.

He felt completely guilty for this whole thing, he had promised from the day he met you to protect you. You were nothing more than a ray of sunshine in his extremely dark life, the reason he lived was you and seeing you lay on the couch unconscious and injured absolutely broke him. He could not loose anyone else.

After Molly was finished she stepped back and walked over to Harry wrapping her arms around him in a tight motherly hug.

"She will be alright..." she mumbles softly into his hair as he begins to sob.

------ A Little While Later ------

Harry had fallen asleep sat on the floor next to the couch where you had been laid. His head rested uncomfortably on the edge as his hand gripped onto yours tightly. His whole body reacts when he feels you hand twitch slightly. His hands snap open and he quickly looks up at you right when your eyes slowly flutter open.

"Y-Y/n? Sweetheart, are you awake?" You groan softly as you reach up and feel at the now bandaged wound. Harry gently grabs your hand and pulls it back down, planting a soft kiss on your palm as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Hey...You're alright love...I'm right here..." He whisper softly as tears flood your eyes

"Harry..."

He stares at you sympathetically for a moment before, gently as possible, lifting you into his arms and holding you close to his chest. His hands rubbing up and down your back slowly as you sob into his shoulder where your head is resting.

He feels his own tears rise but he chokes them down to comfort you, something he knew you needed.

After a long few minutes you calm down and slowly sit up, ignoring the pounding that happens in your head at the movement. You hands wrap tightly around him and you stare down at him silently as he stares back before gently kissing your forehead leading you to let out a sigh and lay your head back down on his shoulder.

Harry noticed the shift in your personality. The silence that used to be replaced with constant chatter about things only Hermione could truly understand. The fear in your eyes that used to be full of light and shine. He noticed it all and it killed him...

"My love...Lets get you some food alright? And maybe some orange juice?"

He waits for your reply and when you nod he immediately stands with you in his arms and makes his way into the kitchen where he goes to place you in a chair only to be stopped when you tighten your grip and mutter out a soft "No..."

He stops in his tracks and stands back up with you in his arms, glancing down at your face

"No what love? You don't want me to put you down?" When you nod, confirming his question he sighs softly but obeys your wish and walks over to the fridge and pulls out a pitcher of orange juice that he pours into a cup and hands to you. As you sip at the juice he quickly makes a sandwich before taking a seat at the dining table and slowly feeds you the sandwich.

When you finish it a few minutes later he lets you finish the orange juice before standing and placing the dishes in the sink, letting the magic do its thing and clean the dishes, Harry makes his way down a hall and into the room Bill had given him to stay in.

He gently lays you down in the bed causing you to let out a soft whimper, he gently kisses your forehead

"Shh sweetheart, i'm right here...Let me get you some clean clothes okay?"

You hesitantly nod and he rushes off into the closet where he grabs an old shirt of his and a random pair of boxers before quickly making his way back to you where he finds you crying.

The guilt in his gut only grows and he walks over gently rubbing your back, you climb into his lap and he instantly lets you, wrapping his arms around your waist and rocking you gently as you sob.

Once you calm down he coaxes you off of him for just long enough to get you bathed and changed into the outfit before helping you into bed where he climbs in after you, letting you lay on top of him- rather uncomfortably, before holding you close as you fall asleep a few moments later.

And that is how most days go...

A few weeks passed and your physical condition had improved, the gash had almost completely healed, leaving a scar. All the bruises had faded and the small cuts had healed leaving their own small scars across your body.

Your mental health was another thing...While it hadn't worsened it really hadn't improved either...Harry could finally leave you alone but not for to long, you refused to leave the bed and talking still came very rarely for you.

Harry had left the room a few moment ago, to do something...He had said but truly you hadn't been listening.

Looking around the room your eyes land on the mirror hung on the wall, more specifically the reflection in the mirror. As you stared down your own reflection, seeing the large scar across your forehead caused disgust to rush over you in waves.

You slowly sit up in the bed letting the blanket fall to your waist, being in only your bra, all of the small scars that now littered your body were on full display. Your hands slowly ran over each of them, picking and pulling at them almost as if you were trying to get them off of you.

You were so lost in your own world that you didn't notice harry stepping into the room until you saw him in the mirror causing you to jump.

"What are you doing sweetheart?" He asks softly as he climbs onto the bed and wraps his arms around your waist after gently grabbing your hands and pulling them away from your skin

"N-Nothing..."

He clearly didn't believe you but instead of saying anything he gently pushed you back onto the bed and yanked the blanket off of you completely causing you to gasp and wrap your arms around his shoulders. "H-Harry! What are you doing?!"

He shrugs slightly as he leans down and kisses your forehead, right on the scar. "So pretty..."

Your whole body heats up as he leans down to your stomach area and presses soft kisses to each scar he could see as he mumbles praises.

"Beautiful..."

"Gorgeous..."

"Pretty..."

Any praise he could think of was flying out of his lips as he worshiped you, your face was the so ho from being so flustered that you couldn't stand it. This was exactly what you needed...That disgusted feeling melted away with every kiss and praise he gave you.

After a moment he looks back up at you, his glasses sat on the tip of his nose almost falling off. You giggle softly pushing his glasses back up his face, a smile appearing on your face for the first time in weeks.

Harry grins and moves up peppering kisses all over your face causing the small giggles to grow even more as you gently push him away

"My sweet girl" He says softly "Wanna take a walk with me? You seem in a good mood..."

You think for a long moment about the offer before ultimately nodding and slowly pulling yourself from the bed and into a standing position.

Harry smiles quickly following you out of the bed and helping you put your shoes on before putting his own on and leading you out of the cottage, the sun hitting your skin for the first time in weeks was an amazing feeling. You soaked it in for a moment before walking down the beach towards the water where you stop at the shore line letting the water wash over your sandal covered feet.

Harry slowly approaches you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder as he gazes down on your face as you gaze out at the water

"What are you thinking about honey?"

You stay silent for a moment before leaning back against him "Our future..."

"Oh yeah? What about it?"

"I don't know...Just how- how everything is gonna end...With the war, the death eaters...he who should not be names..."

He sighs softly and kisses your cheek, before being taken you had no problem calling him Voldemort but now you were terrified..

"Nothing will happen to you again...Me, Ron and Hermione have a plane okay? Please don't worry about it..."

With a small nod you turn around in his arms and snuggle your face against his chest "How many kids do you want..?"

He looks down slightly shocked at your question before thinking for a moment "Honestly, it wouldn't matter to me...As long as I have you that's all that matters...What about you baby? How many?"

"Three...Two boys and a girl..."

He chuckles, your answer was instant with absolutely not hesitation behind it. "I'll do my best to help fulfill that dream my love..."

You giggle and slowly close your eyes as you rest against him. It finally felt like you could see a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. He had been everything you needed to get through such a rough time. Your love. Your support but most importantly your protector.

THE END

Oh. My. Goodness. I think this is my best work yet, I hope this is up to your expectations love!! And I am so so sorry it took so long to get this out there!!

[goldsbitch]

Hypochondria

part 3 to p1, p2

It's time to tell you exactly what makes me your soulmate. Disaster dinner continues.

20:19

Is it possible to miss someone you've never met? In what strange corner of the universe would this make sense? It felt just like that to Lando - as if he just reunited with an old friend and desperately searched for a way how to connect again. Where to start?

Anita solved that one for him. "Y//N is one of the medics on grid. She was so lovely today. Helped me a lot!" She turned to Lando and then Y/N in a search of some reaction, but those two were stuck in their own silence. She brushed it off and continued. "I figured it would be nice to take her out for a dinner. Wanted to have her join for the club later, but I am afraid it's for invited only, sorry..." she said, with fake modesty. Lando scoffed, completely unbothered by anyone noticing. Anita was doing it again, luring people in and then making sure she nonchalantly pointed out that she is more "VIP" then they are. He usually brushed it of and sometimes found it funny, but this time it made him fuming.

"You are more than kind to do this," Y/N replied and Lando had to close his eyes in order to hide how overcome he was instantly by hearing her speak. Her own voice was always blurry in his visions. Hearing it now, in real life...It was like getting new headphones. "But remember, you should not drink today after the heatstroke...I just need to point that out, can't stop myself," she said semi jokingly.

"Oh course, sweetheart," she replied and took a sip of her cocktail.

Y/N felt a little out of her place in the restaurant, not really sure what she was doing there and why she agreed to come with them. They were a couple, so why was she there playing the third violin? She tried to stop all her intrusive thoughts about Anita's boyfriend. But how could she, the most gorgeous and alluring guy was sitting right there. She secretly watched all of his little moves, the way how he twitched his fingers while holding the menu and wondered how his skin would feel on her own. She cursed herself for being so easily distracted by him. Barely glancing at the menu, she waited for what the two would order and was planning on matching them.

A charming waiter came, shared few words with Anita and recommended some dishes from the special menu.

"I'll have the truffle pasta, sounds great," Anita said, smiling flirtatiously at the waiter. There was an awkward silence, which Y/N tried to fill in. "Yes, I'll have the same, sounds great."

Lando did not even think twice before speaking up. "Um, actually, I really think you should try their salmon. It's to die for. I think you'll love it." He was not able to look at her, while she did the exact opposite. She was taken back by his forward comment. Salmon was her absolute favorite dish. What a strange coincidence that he would recommend it. "Can we get two of the salmon dishes? If that's ok with you, Y/N," he continued, this time finding the courage to look at Y/N. She panicked. "Yeah, yeah. Salmon. Great."

It was like a fire was lit in Lando. He opened the can of worms and there was no way going back. Suddenly, he had all the answers right at arms lenght. And the questions just started flowing.

"How do you like working at the formula 1 medics team?" "Will you be tracking the whole season?" "Do you like traveling so much?" "Are you missing your friends and family?"

It might have been too much for someone to be bombarded with questions, but she found herself excited and eager to overshare. Those two danced a dance of their own, laughing gently and speaking over each other, while also eagerly listening to what the other one had to say.

Anita felt like she was sinking into the chair deeper with every minute that passed. She knew the feeling all to well. Lando, without knowing probably, found anyone apart her interesting. Practically inhaling every word Y/N said. Or at least that's how it felt. Poor girl had absolutely no idea how different this situation was for her this time. Unlike Lando, Y/N still took Anita into account.

"So, Anita, you're a model, right?"

She came back alive and started sharing model related stories, while Y/N listened. Ever-so-impatient Lando just stared at her and started biting his lip in order to stop him from speaking for a moment, realizing that he is in fact not alone with Y/N, but still in a very much public social setting. Y/N listened to Anita, while all familiar phantom pain kicked in, this time in her lips. She kept glancing over to Lando, because it was just too hard not to look at him, when she noticed how vigorously he was biting his own lip. It sometimes happened that her own inexplicable pain aligned with the actions of other. Nothing special.

Lando was at the peak of rude that evening, impatience getting the better of him. "So, Y/N, why have you decided to study medicine?" he said, when Anita took a breath, fully intending on continuing her story. The same way as he interrupted her, she did not give Y/N any room to answer.

"You know what Lando, I am getting real sick of you publicly making it obvious that you don't give a shit about me or what I have to say," she said straight to his face, internally begging for him to deny it.

"I'm sorry, it's just....not every day you meet someone who really does something special with their life," he said, as if Y/N was the first medic he had ever encountered.

"Wow, that's rich. So on top of you not caring what I have to say, you also don't think what I do is interesting."

Lando knew she was right. He knew it all along, but he was also aware of the fact that most of the times, the relationship had been beneficial to both of them. So many emotions mixing in him got him holding his fragile glass real tight.

"Don't play the innocent card," he started, looking deeply into Anita's eyes. "We both know the moment I'm not on the grid anymore, you're jumping to someone else."

The walls felt like they were closing on Y/N. Witnessing couple's fight, however quiet, was never pleasant. All the more when you'd literally just met these people. They played their little verbal tennis, while keeping the decorum composed, as they seemed to be quite skilled at that. Until Lando slipped up. His tight grip on the thin crystal finally ending up with a thousand tiny shiny glass pieces everywhere. It was like a slap to the couple, making them wake up and notice their surroundings. The good old clean up and apology dance began between the guests and the waiters, all of them rushing to help the F1 star with a minor cut that bled crimson drops on the white table cloth. Everybody was so focused on him, that they all missed the second wave of drops hitting the table, this time coming from Y/N hand. She stared at her hand and time stopped. It's not that she was scared of blood. It wasn't that it was the first time something like that happened out of nowhere. It was precisely because it did not happen out of nowhere. Her veins were rushing with panic, instead of blood. She grabbed one of the napkins and pressed hard on her hand, praying that nobody had noticed. Thousands of ideas appearing out of nowhere. So wait, anytime he got hurt, she got hurt as well? Or was it more people? Another coincidence? Her brain was an analytical one. She ran through all the possible little pains that a formula driver could have. It somehow checked out.

She stared at him, completely missing the whole scenery happening in front of her. Anita making a scene, waiters rushing around and Lando trying to calm everyone down.

"When did you crash last time? Like a big one, hospital one," she shot out, as if it was the most important piece of information known to mankind.

Lando felt her panic and intensity for a few moments before she managed to silence everyone, but was equally surprised by her question as everyone else.

"Um, I'd say...yeah, Las Vegas, November." He gave her a questioning look, trying to figure out what was going on her mind, while gesturing the staff of the restaurant to leave them alone.

A massive wave of panic settled over her, images of herself getting admitted to a hospital at that time flashing by. She had to get out there, immediately. And Lando felt that.

"No! No, you're not going anywhere. This is important, you can't just run away like you always do," he said, before she even had a chance to move, because he knew precisely what she was doing. Seen it enough times to recognize the look. If nobody stopped her, she'd be out of there in seconds, not even saying goodbye. A true flight type of person. As if she hadn't been perplexed enough by this point.

"How do you-" she started to ask before being interrupted by Anita, who had have enough.

"I'm sorry, but do you guys know each other?" she asked, with a tone of annoyance barely hidden behind a fake smile.

Lando froze once again, like he had many times that evening. It was not his fault. His soon-to-not-be girlfriend set this seventh circle of hell up. How was he supposed to respond to that?

Y/N hesitantly responded. "No, of course not. I mean, I've only worked with the team here for few weeks anyway."

"Seems like you do, by the amount of questions you're asking" Anita said directly at Lando, fully ignoring Y/N at that point.

"If I had known her, I would not have had to ask questions, right?" he responded, failing at letting his sassy side dormant.

"Is that why you never ask me any questions? Because you know me?"

He bit his tongue. Lando was trying to be good.

Anita made her signature "I knew it" smile once again, which finally set Lando off.

"One asks when they want to hear an answer."

"Great. Charming as ever. You know what? I've had enough."

"Ani, I am really sorry. This is going to sound incredibly rude. I apologize. It's nothing personal. But this is really between me and Y/N."

Absolutely mortified Y/N did not even dare to look at Anita. What the fuck was his game. That was his girlfriend, she was just a random girl.

Anita replied, without missing a beat. "You two can go and play your weird little game without me."

Heavy silence fell, as Anita hastily grabbed all of her things and walked out. Y/N was waiting to see if Lando would even consider getting up and rushing over to her, but knew well enough that that was not the case.

Lando cared. He deeply cared about what Y/N thought of him. "Before I say anything else, please know that I plan on breaking up with her and sorting it out like an adult. This is not how I usually am."

"Ok. I mean, you do you. This is all very...personal," she said, her mind still caught up in her recent discovery. "I'm sorry, this is going to sound strange, but bare with me, this evening is already so much drama, this will not be a great addition."

She was talking to him! Getting curious. Lando would be willing to sit there for hours and listen to her. "Go for it".

"Do you get that weird pain in your left elbow?"

"Yes, after a heavy work out."

"Do you bite your tongue out of nowhere?"

"Only when I'm nervous."

"Ok, ehm. Your wisdom tooth is growing, right?"

"Yup, and it hurts like hell sometimes." This time, it was her shooting questions and him trying to follow in a direction he could not yet fathom. But it was like she was in a trance.

"Ok, ok. You'll think I'm crazy."

"I know you think that," he smirked, knowing they were reaching break through.

"What?" she snapped out of it back to reality.

"You first. I think I also have something you should know." Lando was half excited, half terrified to get his truth out. After all those years, this was all happening in a matter of hours. His life was turning upside down.

Y/N took a deep breath. "The reason I went into medicine is because I have a condition. Random inexplicable pains, cuts, bruises with no real cause of correlation to what's happening with my body. Nobody knew what it was when I was growing up, so I was determined to figure it out on my own." She took out her own blood stained hand from below the table. Lando's eye's went wide. She reached out with her other hand to gesture him that all is fine and no help is needed.

"I think my body mirrors what happens to yours."

"I can feel your emotions. And see glimpses of your life," he blurted out, unable to hold this in for any longer.

//

They did not stay in the restaurant for long. Felt all too public for this type of conversation. Instead, they were back at his hotel apartment, having to sneak in to avoid any unwanted publicity. Once again, they were sitting opposite each other in his living room area.

"So wait...you feel everything I feel? Like physically?"

"Apparently," she said, flabbergasted. For some reason, the two emotions mixing with each other was anger and relief. Her biggest life mystery solved, in the weirdest way possible. Without saying a word, she kicked him in the shin.

"Ouch," he said and she flinched.

"Yep, checks out."

"I can feel your anger, you know? And frankly I don't understand why you're mad at the moment." He was fascinated. The possibilities that laid ahead of them were thrilling.

"I believe at this stage you should also be able to also see my anger. Pray tell me why, why did you have to pick a career that is so physically exhausting!" she moaned, causing him to laugh out loud. Yeah, that was really unfortunate on his part. He made a note mentally to hire a physical therapist for her one day.

She calmed down a bit, slowly coming to term that her emotions were not a private thing anymore - well, technically they never were.

"So what, you just casually know what I feel and see random glimpses of my life?"

"I think it's the strong emotions I feel. It seems the closer I am, the stronger it is."

She was silent, hoping to get a little more out of him. He took a deep breath, desperately trying to ease up the mood.

"Your first nights at the university apartment you shared with those three loud girls. No idea about their names, but I remember the excitement about leaving your home. And jesus, the massive mess the four of you made the first week. How at one point you had to wash your dishes in the bathtub, because it was just too much. And how much fun you'd had while doing it."

She couldn't help but smile at that very specific memory. Gone were the unhinged early uni days, for the better probably. It was absolutely breaking her mind in two, knowing he had these random glimpses in her life.

He saw (and felt) the positive emotions that entered the chat, so he tried to sway the conversation that way. "Oh, and the incredibly awkward morning when you brought that one guy home, did not realize that one of the girls was in the room the whole time and how in the morning it turned out to be her ex."

"My god, you saw that?" she said, absolutely mortified. He just nodded, his heart jumping when he made her squeamish.

"It was like being there during the incredibly awkward breakfast."

"Well," she gulped, trying to switch attention from her. "Nobody knows this, but...pain is not the only thing I feel."

She dropped the ball and watched it rolling, wondering if he'd catch up.

"What do you mean? Like exhaustion?"

"That as well."

He was still not connecting the dots.

"Had a fun night last night, didn't you?"

His eyes went wide and a strange rush of guilt washed over him. He just stared at her, finally getting why one of her first reactions was an angry one. Not that he felt that way, but the level of intrusion he must have presented to her was a lot to take in.

"Well...you're welcome, I guess?" he said cheekily, smirking because he knew exactly what she would do.

Shocked, she opened her mouth and smacked his hand jokingly, not realizing it would hurt both of them.

"Fuck this shit," she exclaimed and once again, he could not hold his laugh in as she tried to shake the pain out of her hand.

"This is going to be very funny."

"I'm sorry, Lando - this all just so bizarre. I'm barely taking it in. Literally don't understand how you're so calm."

He laughed gently. "Well, I did have few extra days to process. And hearing my name roll of your tongue is distracting enough," he said flirtatiously.

Her cheeks went red and her mind stopped, mind getting filled with desire and arousal. Lando lips turned into a wide smile, him feeling her arousal as if she was screaming it loudly to his face.

"Glad to see my words have an effect on you. This is indeed going to be fun..."

p4

[inesbaby21]

can u do a fic on cheerleader!r getting hurt mid game and azzi dropping everything to go help her even if it’s in the middle of a game

1st Person P.O.V

Me and a few of the girls on the cheer team were practicing, and getting ready for halftime. It was o our last halftime performance before nationals and tension was high to say the least.

Girls having open disputes about things as simple as lipstick, some crying because of hair- and bases with sweaty hands failing to catch their flyers. The entire day had been a hot mess, but the only thing that gave me a slim chance of home was that Azzi (and the girls) were aloud to watch us perform today!

It was something that was rare, but always extremely special to the both of us- as she always wanted to watch me do what I love and on her favorite spot in the world, the court.

I sit myself down on the floor beginning to tie my shoes as it's almost half time. Most of the other girls are doing stretches- or doing some last minute touch up's on that god awful red lipstick.

"Y/N/NNNN" I heard a voice drag out as i look up my eyes meet with Azzi's

"What's wrong?" Azzi says concerned- eyebrows furrowed as she tried to read my face. "S' nothing much baby, i'm just really stressed out about this routine" I say viability upset.

Usually I love flying, and doing stunts, or even tumbling but something about today just felt wrong- like I couldn't shake the feeling no matter how hard I tried.

"You're gonna do great my love, and I'll be there cheering you on- and supporting you the whole way through just like you're always doing for me" Azzi says leaning down to kiss me ultimately getting the bright red lipstick on her lips and giggling as she walks back to the bench with the disgusting color still visible on them.

"Places ladies places" I yelled looking at the clock- My coach looked at me nodding at she played a split second of the music to make sure all sound checks were cleared. Just standing in place, knowing that essentially if anything were to go wrong I was in charge was not a good feeling to have.

As the music played everyone ran to their spots, doing the elaborate dance/routine until the hard part came- I looked over to my three bases and jogged lightly to my spot.

The three girls silently counted off and very quickly got my into the air. I was in my natural habitat- this is where I never fail to deliver. I did all kinds of stunts, and kept myself upright until my bases began to walk with me. As they walked, It was choreographed that i continued to stunt.

I felt it, I heard my stunt group arguing quietly beneath the music- having had problems all week I was almost sure they were going to be at each others throats tonight.

"Ella move your fucking hand off of her right leg" Kamryn quietly yelled to the tan girl as they stopped mid step to get back to the almost muscle memory argument that had occurred since the 4 girls were placed with one another. I listened to them bicker as I continued to stunt, I couldn't stop mid leap. Unbeknownst to the arguing girls, they had lost their once strong grip on me- and almost immediately I came falling down to the ground.

As I came down, I heard Kamryn and Ella mutter a "shit"- as they heard my harsh impact with the ground and the stomach churning scream I let out as I heard something snap that Honestly wasn't supposed to.

"Oh my god" I heard my mom (and coach) yell as my vision and hearing began to fade in and out ever so slightly.

"Fuck" I heard Azzi yell as she ran over to me and my mom- watching as my body began to shake, my head almost immediately colliding with the floor as my body began to convulse. And with that ladies and gentlemen, I began to seize. Almost immediately medics came to assist the situation, and no sooner I was taken to the Hospital. I vaguely remember Ella, and Kamryn getting yelled at by my backspot, mom, and then a sobbing Azzi as they stood there still in shock.

"How could you two be so irresponsible?" My mother shouted "You had one job ladies and that was to support her- You two are done for the week ladies go home and figure out your mess come back when your ready to actually work and not waste my time." she shouted dismissing the two girls as she and Azzi followed the medics to the ambulance.

"I love you Az" I weakly said about to drift off into a meditation induced sleep. Leaning in to kiss her lips one last time for the night.

"I love you too Y/N/N- get some rest baby" she said noticing me drifting and I did just that.

this was actually kinda butt yall and i have like 5 more requests to do omg.

[poweringthroughthis]

birthday cake | lee sangyeon

nsfw, mature content, mdni

desc: (name) isn't a big fan of his birthdays, so his friends decide to cheer him up with a particularly handsome gift this year.

warnings: oral, rimming, anal s*x, fluff

Birthdays are no easy feat for (name). Between corporate slavery, a horrendous economy and a dead love life, there really isn't much to celebrate. Well, maybe except for his friends. With New constantly reprimanding him for his bad decisions, Changmin being the sweetest guy ever, Juyeon raising his standards in men and Kevin teaching him all the naughty things of the world, (name) appreciated those little troublemakers deeply.

So, despite not being the biggest self-lover on birthdays, the male did expect his friends would, at the very least, come over to his place, watch horror movies and build pillow forts as they bitch about anyone and everyone. Being far away from family made (name) cherish the boys' efforts all the more.

However, with no one even replying to his texts, let alone showing up at his apartment, he was more than a bit confused. The male was just about to call New and demand the reason behind their sudden silence when the doorbell rang.

(name) was more than relieved to hear the chime and was quick to open the door, not wanting the person to ring it again. The man's mouth opened, a bright smile already on his lips but before any words could leave him, a cake was shoved into his face and his vision was obstructed by the sugary mess.

The male was still blinking in surprise when the candles were blown off and someone clapped happily, a voice exclaiming, "Happy birthday!"

(name) finally managed to pry the cake away from his eyes, looking at the group of four that stood before him. They were all holding gifts and smiling widely at him.

"You're here," he mumbled, not even bothering to hide the happiness in his voice.

"Of course," Kevin exclaimed, stepping inside the house and taking off his shoes. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"I'm surprised you guys are here, to be honest," the birthday boy mumbled, still wiping the icing from his eyes and nose.

"And why is that?" Changmin asked.

"You weren't answering your phones."

"Oh, those..." Juyeon mumbled, looking at the other three for a brief second before continuing. "We left them in the car. You know how the signal sucks here."

(name) nodded. He didn't believe a word of it. "And who brought the cake?"

"Me," the black-haired male replied. "You said you loved that cheesecake so I decided to surprise you."

"Thank you, Chanhee." (name) smiled.

"No problem, dude. Now let's go and open your gifts!"

"Yes, please. I have a present too and I've been dying to give it to you!" Juyeon added excitedly, pushing past his friends and into the house.

The others followed him, leaving their shoes at the door.

(name) was feeling like the happiest person alive. His friends came to visit, brought him gifts and baked a cake for him. They didn't have to, but they did it anyway.

Chanhee noticed (name) and gave him a small smile. "It was a pretty last minute decision. Sorry, we couldn't do better."

"I think this is already amazing," the male replied, mirroring the other's smile.

"Hey! Stop flirting and get your asses in here," Juyeon called out.

Chanhee rolled his eyes. "We should go and stop him before he does something stupid."

The younger one nodded, following his friend into the living room.

They did all that (name) had envisioned. Watching horror movies(The Amityville franchise this year), eating the cake Chanhee baked and talking smack. Like clockwork. The smile didn't leave (name)'s face the entire night. A few drinks in and the guys were still sober, but way more relaxed.

"Guys, I have to say something." (name) began, the boys turning around to look at him with fond smiles on their faces.

"Thank you. Thank you for doing this every year. And on days when it's not even my birthday. Life is a lot less shittier because I have you all."

Perhaps it was the soju talking, but (name) felt like he needed to make it known how grateful he was for his boys.

"Aww you cutie, c'mere.." Kevin cooed at the male, making kissy faces as he tackled him into a hug, the birthday boy yelling for him to get away.

"Ewww cringe!" Chanhee fake-gagged as he made a disgusted expression.

"Shut up, Chanhee. We know you're the biggest crybaby deep down" Changmin shushed him.

"I think it's time to give you your gift," Juyeon whispered into (name)'s ear, his hot breath sending shivers down (name)'s spine.

"O-okay."

Juyeon smiled, standing up and walking towards the door, leaving (name) confused. Why didn't Juyeon bring the gift inside with him initially? He glanced over at the others who were looking into space, avoiding his gaze. Alert number 1.

"I swear to god y'all if this is something stupid like last ti-"

"Hello."

(name) stopped dead in his tracks as a deep, matured voice interrupted him. He turned around to see: Lee Sangyeon. His very attractive, very charming and very well-spoken neighbor, though (name) had barely exchanged anything past normal greetings with the man.

"So, remember how we were late? We were hastily searching for a good gift shop as the old one recently closed, and ran into this guy who was kind enough to help us navigate to a new one. Guess who it was?" Juyeon explained the last bit in a sing-song voice. "Exactly! Sangyeon hyung."

"And when we left for the same way, we talked a little more and realized he's your neighbor! What a small world." Changmin added.

Hyung? Damn Juyeon and his extroverted nature. And yes, Changmin, (name) is well aware of his hot neighbor. Thank yew. He's been purposely treading carefully around him in order to NOT make a fool of himself, which you've kinda defeated the whole point of?!

"Happy birthday! I hope you don't mind me. I was free and your friends insisted I join." Sangyeon offered a charming grin.

"Thank you. And ,N-no, no, not at all! I don't mind. Please, feel free to join anytime you'd like. I mean-" (name) rambled.

"Oh boy. I knew he was gonna shit himself" New sighed.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing. It's kinda cute. YOU'RE kinda cute." Sangyeon chuckled, and if the sound of it didn't send an electric jolt down (name)'s spine.

"So are we done yet or..?" Kevin yawned, leaning onto the couch. Everyone scurried off back to their places in the living room, continuing the movie they'd paused to drink. For a while, the boys made small talk with Sangyeon, (name) getting to know the man better. As time passed, they all became increasingly sleepy, but (name) and Sangyeon hardly ceased talking to each other, now cuddled up with each other. They clicked rather well.

"So, I think there's one last gift left. For both of you." Chanhee smirked.

"I agree," Sangyeon whispered.

Before (name) could blink, he was pulled into a warm embrace and his lips met Sangyeon's. It was gentle, yet firm, and (name) felt like he could die and be satisfied. The latter tasted of sweet wine, and the older's scent filled his senses as he pulled him closer, a soft sigh escaping him. Sangyeon's lips were soft and warm, and his tongue moved confidently against his own, making (name)'s toes curl.

As Sangyeon pulled back, a smile appeared on his face. (name) had been crushing over him for 2 weeks now. So is it safe to assume his feelings are somewhat reciprocated?

"How was that?" Sangyeon asked, his fingers stroking (name)'s hair.

"Amazing.." the latter breathed.

"I'm glad." The elder smiled, a soft chuckle escaping him. "Well, I hope you had a good birthday."

"Yes, and I have you to thank for it."

"Then perhaps we should do this again?"

"Definitely."

And (name) was sure his heart was about to burst with joy.

"Ahem."

New's voice caught their attention.

"Sorry for the interruption but it's getting late and we should leave," he announced, gesturing at the other 3 who were already gathering their belongings.

"Alright. You guys have fun and behave yourselves." Kevin grinned, bidding them a goodbye.

(name)'s eyes widened. "Yeah, bye Kevin!" he offered a tight-lipped smile, mouthing "I.will.Kill.You", knowing fully well it must have been the Canadian's idea to pull this stunt. "You needed this babe" Kevin whispered in the other's ear. "Thank me later", he left after blowing (name) a kiss, Chanhee and Changmin dragging him.

"Sangyeon, we hope we can see you around soon." Juyeon said.

"Definitely."

The birthday boy's eyes met with Sangyeon's, and (name) didn't miss the way the man's pupils dilated. He wasn't alone in his feelings.

"Happy birthday, again." The eldest of the 4 leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on (name)'s cheek, the gesture sending warmth throughout his body.

The moment the 4 left, (name) plopped onto the couch, still dazed from what had transpired.

"They really thought of everything."

"It seems so."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, very."

"Good, that's what matters."

"Can I...can I kiss you again?"

"Of course."

Sangyeon cupped his cheeks, bringing their lips together. It was gentle and slow, yet there was a hint of hunger behind it.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time," Sangyeon admitted, his thumb brushing over (name)'s bottom lip.

"So have I."

"That's good to know."

The eldest captured (name)'s lips again, this time with more urgency. He sucked on his bottom lip, drawing a low moan from him. The sound spurred Sangyeon on, and his tongue slipped into the younger's mouth, eliciting another moan.

"I'm not quite finished yet. There are many other things I'd like to do to you."

"Such as?"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

The next thing (name) knew, he was being lifted up, the male's legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. Sangyeon carried him to his room, and the two fell onto the bed in a heap of tangled limbs. Their lips met again, the kiss becoming more passionate and urgent.

"Do you want me to keep going?" Sangyeon whispered against his lips, his fingers brushing the younger's cheek.

"Yes, please," (name) whined.

The older one wasted no time and started undressing the male beneath him. After he had stripped him down, the two kissed some more, their hands roaming each other's bodies.

"I'm going to make you feel good," Sangyeon breathed against his ear, his fingers trailing down his abdomen, causing him to shiver.

(name)'s eyes widened as the elder stood up and stripped down his lower half, his thick member on full display. The birthday boy swallowed nervously, his cock throbbing at the sight.

"You're already so hard." (name) breathed.

The latter was about to apologize, but his words were caught in his throat when he felt a wet heat envelope his length. He couldn't hold back a moan as he threw his head back.

(name) continued to suck on his length, eliciting a chorus of moans from the elder.

After a few minutes, Sangyeon hurriedly pulled (name)'s mouth away, biting his lips to stop himself from cumming.

"Mmh, I think you're ready," Sangyeon mumbled, and (name) let go of his member, wiping his mouth with his hand.

He reached the hem of the birthday boy's underwear, tugging it down. The cool air of the room caused the latter's member to twitch, and Sangyeon smiled. He laid (name) down face first on the bed, spread out. Kneeling between the younger's legs, he leaned down and spread his ass cheeks apart using his hands, licking his lips at the sight of the male's pink, puckered hole.

(name) gasped as he felt the wet heat of the elder's tongue circling his entrance. He gripped the sheets tightly as he felt the sensation of being stretched.

The younger male could only moan in response, the feeling of being penetrated by the elder's tongue was intoxicating. He could feel his orgasm approaching, and he arched his back, pressing his hips against Sangyeon's face.

"It's your birthday, but i'm the one eating the cake," the elder chuckled, and (name) whimpered, feeling the latter's tongue slide in deeper.

"Oh fuck," he moaned, his eyes rolling back in pleasure.

Sangyeon continued to fuck (name) with his tongue, and the younger male couldn't help but cry out in pleasure.

"I-I'm gonna cum," (name) whined.

"Go ahead, baby," the elder encouraged, and the younger male could only gasp and shudder as his orgasm ripped through him.

Sangyeon sat up and grabbed the bottle of lube on the bedside table. He squirted a generous amount onto his palm and spread it over his length.

"Ready, baby?"

"Yes, please," (name) nodded, spreading his legs wider.

Sangyeon lined himself up with the younger's entrance and pushed inside, eliciting a loud moan from the younger.

"F-fuck, you're so tight," the elder moaned, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Feels so good," (name) panted.

The elder started to thrust in and out of the younger male, and the latter could only moan in response.

"You feel so good around me," Sangyeon moaned, and (name) could only whine in response, his eyes rolling back in pleasure.

The older one leaned over, capturing his lips in a heated kiss.

The elder started thrusting faster, the sound of their skin slapping filling the room.

"Fuck, I'm close," the elder moaned, his eyes screwed shut.

"M-me too," (name) gasped.

Sangyeon gripped the younger's hips tighter and increased his pace, causing the latter to moan loudly.

"Fuck, I'm cumming," the elder growled, and he spilled inside the birthday boy.

"Holy shit," (name) breathed, his orgasm rippling through him.

The elder pulled out, the latter's cum coating the tip of his cock.

"Happy birthday to you," Sangyeon breathed, leaning down to kiss the birthday boy.

(name) sighed contently. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Making my birthday special."

"I'll make every birthday special, if you'll let me," the elder smiled, and the two kissed once more.

When the 4 were far away, New's voice broke the silence.

"Hey Juyeon.."

"Yes?"

"Do you think he'll actually thank us for setting him up with his crush?"

"Probably not.." Juyeon answered.

"Should we start running?"

"Yup."

"We're doomed."

"Well, it was worth it."

"Definitely."

"Happy Birthday, (name)." Kevin yelled into the night, wishing nothing but happiness for their friend, as the 4 walked home.

[miaisocool]

Johanna (Part 2)

Pairing: CollegeWanda x Collegereader

Summary - After drinking too much at a college party because of your feelings towards wanda it ends up in a mess!

Warnings: MINORS DNI 18+ Mentions of underage drinking, vomiting, angst, fluff, smut.

Note: Part two of Johanna! if you guys want a chapter three let me know! maybe i'll make one.

Word count: 6k

Navigation

Part one

You slowly began to regain consciousness as the after effects of drinking got to you, the dull throb aching each vein in your head as you tried to recompose yourself by slowly lifting your head and make up of where you were, the twinge of embarrassment from passing out in front of everyone was also starting to eat you alive, you felt sluggish and weak your body was in a limp state almost as if you were having sleeping paralysis. You slowly opened your eyes to a blurry vision of nothing but random orbs of light as if your body was finally being carried to heaven and that wandas kiss was the blessing that was delivered from the god above.

You were still trying to make sense of where you were the bright lights assaulting at your sensitive pupils you had to squint despite how awful your vision was right now still trying to figure out where you were. There was also a few sounds of inconsistent mumbling that you tried to figure out although another one of your six senses were still fucked up, your hearing. You couldn't help but make out mumbling of a womans voice talking rapidly non stop although there was ringing in your ears there was still a few sentences of concern you could make out from the womans voice like:

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"what if she doesn't wake up"

"i don't know what to do"

They sounded like whines of dread and sadness coming from the mysterious womans voice you couldn't help but wonder who it was. Although you had a throbbing migraine there was also another pair of sentences you could make out but this time it came from a mans voice as you made sense of it, it sounded like:

"She'll be fine"

"Just please calm down"

He was like the reassurance to the womens voice of concern makinf the situation less tense. The dialogue coming from these two mysterious voices was either the alcohol playing mind tricks on you as you didn't even know or remembered how much you drank although you knew it was a lot, or what you drank. You just grabbed bottles of whatever you could find and chugged straight away. Eventually the back and forth sentences started to take more of a physical than mental toll on you as each word that was spoken, you also wanted to mumble out a few words that would come out your throat but there was a heavier feeling than that like something weighing on you, something making your throat clench trying to get to surface level despite your effort to swallow it down. You were powerless you couldn't do anything much longer you heard a object of some sort being placed somewhere near you, right beside where you were about to vomit immediately as you hear that your body convulses and starts to let out everything from your system, whatever you had to drink or eat was ending up in that container.

Your stomach rebels against everything, It's a violent expulsion, leaving you gasping for breath and trembling with the effort, your eyes so watery worsening your vision, the taste of bile burning your throat this continues to go on for a minute at least but soon you start to panic, your chest rising up and down coming in shallow breaths, your heart pounding out of your ribcage, you weren't used to vomiting but when you did you dreaded the moment it would come. But soon you start to come down from your panic as you felt slender fingers start to brush through your hair sending waves of goosebumps all throughout your body as the persons hand made way to your scalp giving you light, sweet caresses, you just wanted to fall asleep right then and there

"its okay.. im here.."

The voice softly cooed to you you hadn't bothered to open your eyes until you realized it was wanda all the memories of what happened before you passed out last night started coming back to you in flashes.

Her kissing vision, she was always mistreated by him and always ran to you when something went wrong or a if a fight broke out between the two. Of course you despised the thought of him, you wanted to be him, you wanted to hold the place of being someone that belongs to wanda. you knew you were the right one for her, but she didn't want you. it made you frown, you wanted to fight against the tears that were starting to build up in your eyes. Wanting to relieve the heart ache of this nature with self pleasure with the thoughts of wanda or thoughts of just going into her arms and being comforted by her smell, like cherries, cinnamon and vanilla. Or her voice that was oh so soft spoken like music to your ears, you smiled ear to ear everytime she spoke a word to you. Most of the time you didn’t listen as you were too busy having dreams of being with her. But you soon snapped yourself out of it as you realized all you have for now is her presence and that's the most you can cherish in this moment. The sight of wanda letting her guard down around you painted a smile on your face and gave you a warm feeling as she continued to coo softly to you calming you down after your panic attack you try to mutter out a few words as you came down from your trance.

"wanda.."

As you spoke her name she propped your head up sliding a pillow underneath your head somewhat assisting you in gaining conscience as you took in what was going on and where you were.

"Im so sorry.."

"i didn't mean to worry you."

You whispered your voice barely above a breath.

Her eyes softened as she met your worried gaze she continued to brush her fingers through your hair as you laid your head onto the pillow she immediately shook her head as she took in your apology

"hey.. don't apologize alright? you have nothing to be sorry for.."

Her fingers continued to trace patterns from your scalp over to your cheek. She softly caressed it washing the tension from your muscles that you were carrying since last night. You felt vulnerable and exposed to her, like her touch was a spell for whatever emotions you went through in the past 24 hours she was the remedy or your guardian angel in a way. A small smile tugged at the corner you finally let your guard down and stopped trying to put on the tough act around her, you believed her, in her presence you felt cared for, understood and not alone.

There were some tears that you were trying to fight as the remnants of your panic attack slowly faded away each swipe of wandas thumb against your cheek fighting against that, easing your anxiety.

"I dont know what came over me..."

You choked up again. There were a few tears that were bound to escape as you spoke.

Wanda's expression remained understanding, her eyes filled with empathy her pupils were slightly dilated or were you looking too much into it?

"i promise you its okay.. please Y/n i hate seeing you like this."

she reassured you, her voice steady and calming. You loved seeing her like this, she would always be patient with you no matter what, well sometimes, it's not like you guys were perfect. Of course there were a few arguments here and there but that never took her away from you.

You hugged her burying your nose into her hair taking in her scent, her skin, the way her arms fit around you like a puzzle piece almost if you guys were made for each other she smelt like cherries, cinnamon and vanilla, again she was a blessing in disguise everything you ever wanted.

It was a bitter sweet moment at first until clint walked in and spoke up disrupting the moment of love between you and wanda

"hey, im gonna take y/n to her apartment.. so i'll just.."

Clint awkwardly walked towards the kitchen counter grabbing his keys from the heart shaped clay ash tray, it brought you memories from when you and wanda hung out for the first time. Wanda decided it was a good idea if you guys went clay sculpting as a "cute date idea" you warned her beforehand that you weren’t a artist and that creative when it came to things that involved art. She also warned you beforehand that she was in the same position as you. So when it was time for her to reveal her clay sculpture to you, you were amazed and teased her about being so talented, which she was, she was oddly good at everything and anything. was it her charming personality? or was it cause you loved her?

You removed yourself from wandas arms noticing her grasp gave you a sense of longing her hands stayed on longer than yours did. Her eyes didn't open to clints voice but only opened to when she felt your weight shift away from hers you could see a sense of disappointment in her body language but you quickly brushed it off as if it was nothing but you knew it was something.

"Call me when you get home safe alright?"

The words coming from wandas mouth made you smile really hard but you held back only smiling a bit to act all cold towards her and put on a front as if you weren't in love with her. But then clint immediately drifted to the front door then he made his way to his car opening first the passenger side because he knew you were still coming down from your hangover he walked over to the drivers side and started up his car waiting for you to get in.

You decided to speak up and finally give wanda a sentence of reassurance instead of leaving her high and dry or just leaving her with the thoughts that were consuming her alive since last night.

"Yeah i will."

Even your tone was cold. You knew what was coming you were mentally preparing for it, you were already distancing yourself from wanda you couldn't take it anymore, was it her fault? no, of course not, she was very dear to you. It was just some stupid feelings you had for her, it wasn't your fault either. If you could ever pick a person to be in love with for the rest of your life it wouldn’t be wanda. It hurt you too much, seeing her with vision one day and then cradling into her arms the next? no it was too much for you. You hated it and just couldn't take it anymore.

For the next few weeks on campus you started avoiding wanda. The messages she would casually send to you daily were starting to turn in messages that were sent once in a while.. maybe once a week at best! you left her with nothing but read receipts either that or you turned it off after a while but she wasn't stupid she knew she wasn't getting left on delivered, You were even starting to take different routes to your classes so you could avoid meeting her or her gaze that you once longed for. Whenever she was brought up in conversation with shared friends you kinda didn't talk at all until the topic was switched. Obviously it caused you heart ache as you forced yourself to distance away from her. You started crying yourself to sleep some nights or soothing yourself the way wanda once soothed you. You couldn’t escape the void of lonelinesses that was once filled by wanda but not anymore because you wanted to distance and “protect your feelings” from her.

You knew things were getting bad when your mental breakdowns started consuming you, it felt like your mind was drowning in a sea of vulnerability and a deep depression that would never go away. In those moments you often found yourself imagining what would it be like if wanda was there with you. She would take you in a warm embrace like a guardian angel fighting against the problems in your head, her soothing voice where she would whisper your name over and over mixed in with words of affirmations or some reassurances telling you that everything was gonna be okay. You depended on her like a lifeline it made you grounded and gave you strength to hold on just for her. You hated that you had to deal with this because of a sore decision you had too make.

At least two months had passed since the incident with wanda, and you kept avoiding her. Initially, it hurt to see how much she tried to keep in contact, calling, texting, even showing up at places she knew you’d be. But eventually, she got the memo as you distanced yourself more and more. You convinced yourself that your feelings for her were gone, though deep down, a part of you knew that wasn't the truth. As the days turned into weeks, the love you once had for Wanda faded, and you no longer saw her as a friend, just a stranger. Did it hurt? Not anymore. You had become cold, and shutting her out seemed like the best decision for your peace of mind. Or at least, that’s what you wanted to believe.

The following day you found yourself at a party it sort of gave you flashbacks to when you saw wanda, how beautiful she was dancing in the flashing lights, everyone else was blocked out from your sight, your bodies pressed against each others as she filled your ears with her beautiful moans, your lips brushing against her neck as you kissed it, her arms wrapped around your neck trying to get more of you, your arms wrapped around her waist as she assisted you what body part to kiss, her neck, her chest. You quickly drank away the memories as you poured another shot of rum quickly drowning your system in alcohol, it was becoming a coping mechanism for you, imagining wanda. but she wasn't there, drinking copious amounts of alcohol it was ruining you physically and mentally. Wanda and Vision had been dating for at least three, maybe four months now? you couldn't keep track since they were so on and off. You hoped that Wanda wouldn't be at this party because you knew if you saw her, she’d want answers about why you had been so distant and you would just give her a quick apology and storm off. The lights were flashing over the crowd and over your face blurring out anyone there except clint because he was always right by your side taking care of you making sure you didn't turn into a drunken mess like last time. The faint smell of weed and cigarettes filling the air around you, making you slightly cough.

You pushed your way throughout the crowd to get away from the packed crowd of people but as you were shoving your way through them with multiple apologies your eye couldn't help but catch a glimpse of vision and wanda together you slowly realized that wanda was here, and she wasn't alone. Vision stood beside her, his arm casually draped over her shoulders. They looked comfortable together, laughing and talking as if they were a perfect couple but you knew deep down that they weren't. A tightened feeling quickly made its way to your throat as you saw vision lay his lips upon wandas. Did she belong to you? no, of course not, but you were once there before. It deeply hurt you. It hurt you to the point where you needed to let your emotions out so you dragged your presence away from clint and made your way outside. As you dragged yourself with tears in your eyes blurring everything from your sight you felt a familiar shoulder rub against yours as you walked away. It was her, It was wanda, you recognized the familiarity from when you guys would cradle into each others arms.

You quickly turned away, hoping that Wanda hadn’t noticed you. But it was too late. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw her glance in your direction, her eyes widening in recognition and her pupils dilating in limerence. The look on her face told you everything: she had seen you, and she wasn't going to let this go. She once longed for you and needed a answer now. Of course you also missed her, she was a part of you, the thought of her consumed you, YOU LOVE HER, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER but you hate that you are because, it's ruining your life.

You made your way outside as you quickly took your phone out of your pocket to order a uber until-

"Y/n."

You almost dropped your phone out of your hand as you met her cold gaze that was once sweet to you but you knew that all hell was about to break loose. Her voice was firm. Too firm.

"y/n please talk to me."

"wanda this isn't the time or place." You quickly shut her out. She was trying to get to you but you didn't want that because of your selfish ways.

“Then when?” she demanded, her eyes searching yours. Her eyes were searching for at least a hint or feeling that showed you cared “You avoid me for months and can't give me a fucking answer?" There she was again, she knew you hated confrontation but this was the best way she was gonna get to you.

"Im going home." You said firmly looking at your shoes kicking against the cold concrete as you started to step away until she took your arm into her grasp

"You're not leaving me again. Im getting you a uber." This wasn't reassurance from wanda that everything was fine but it was a simple confrontational talk of hers.

While in the uber your gaze lingered out the window as you breathed in wandas comforting scent until you turned your head to finally break the silence

"You know, im really happy for you."

"yeah?"

"Yeah i mean, your in a relationship, he's a good looking guy i'm very happy for you two"

The words felt forced you looked at your hands until you heard the sound of wanda chuckling a bit at your compliment, she knew it was false, you hated vision, she knew you were trying to put on a front to hide a feeling.

Wanda got out of the uber first immediately running to your side and opening the door for you, you smiled at her as she wrapped her arm around your waist walking into your apartment complex.

"Keys?"

Your mind was foggy from Wanda's presence, but you managed to gather yourself enough to hand her your keys. She unlocked the door to your apartment and gently helped you onto the couch.

You lay there for a while, hearing the sounds of her moving around the kitchen. Glasses clinked against the marble counter, ice cubes dropped into a glass, and water poured. Her footsteps grew louder as she walked back towards you.

"Up," she instructed softly.

You smiled at how gentle wanda was being, it brought you back memories of the months before the incident with you and wanda. She gently assisted you into a sitting position, knowing you felt a bit sick. Her hands were firm but comforting as she propped you up, ensuring you were more comfortable and less likely to feel nauseous.

Sitting beside you, she propped herself up, her posture relaxed yet attentive. Her presence offered you a peace of mind. With a gentle yet steady hand, she held the glass steady for you, her fingers lightly supporting its weight as you took small sips.

As you drank, you couldn't help but notice the softness of her expression, the concern noticeable in her eyes. It was moments like these that reminded you of what once was of your connection, she searched for a hint of longing in your eyes, a hint of anything that would tell her that you're emotionally available.

"You're avoiding me"

Wanda's voice cut through the silence like a knife, her words soft but laden with a profound sense of hurt and frustration. The words hung heavy in the air like a accusation as you looked at her

"It was a accident."

you lied, the words left a bitter taste in your mouth as you looked at her. you knew the truth—you were avoiding her—but admitting it felt like facing the inevitable collapse of the friendship you have with her or once had.

"You can't accidentally avoid me."

Wandas words started striking at you like venom, you could feel the weight of her words pressing down on you, a crushing weight that threatened to suffocate you.

"you really wanna know why im avoiding you wanda?"

You finally lashed out at her, you decided that this was the best time to pour out all your feelings to her, it was like word vomit you couldn't control or take back the words that were about to come out your mouth.

"i fucking hate seeing you with him wanda."

Tears were staring to slightly spill out your eyes with each word weighing down your chest making you choke on your words the more you spoke her gaze softened at your vulnerability.

"As long as you're happy that's all that matters.."

Wanda's gaze softened, her eyes searching yours for something you couldn't quite name. "Are you?" she asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper.

The question hung in the air between you, heavy with unspoken emotion. It was as if she could sense the sadness within you, the conflicting emotions that threatened to consume you whole. And in that moment, as you looked into her eyes, you knew that you couldn't keep hiding behind a facade of false happiness.

"No... of course I'm not," you confessed, your voice tinged with a rawness that echoed the ache in your heart. "Seeing you with Vision, it hurts me to my core. Sometimes I find myself sitting there, praying that I could just stop loving you altogether."

Wanda's expression softened, her eyes reflecting a mixture of sympathy and understanding. Without a word, she reached out, her hand finding yours in a gentle embrace she tried to take you into her arms but you fought back as you cried more almost having a mental breakdown but you soon let down your guard and let her wrap her arms around you.

This goes on for a minute or two until she pulls you back to look into your eyes and finally see the emotion that she was searching for, for months she just wanted to see that emotion in your eyes that showed a hint of love towards her.

"i love you.. okay? no one could ever change the love i have for you y/n."

Wanda wasn't perfect either of course the kisses, hugs, touch you shared with her, they lingered in her mind, a constant reminder of what once was, and what could have been. She always longed for you, even in the moments when she tried to convince herself otherwise.

"I don’t think I’ll ever love someone as much as i loved you.."

"You're my person y/n."

She looked into your eyes, her gaze raw and vulnerable, revealing the depth of her emotions. You looked back into hers you started to put your guard down as she grasped you in her arms.

You pulled away slightly to make room to see her whole face, she had a demeanor that showed she was longing for something, she was longing for you, for her lips on yours. The words start to spill from your mouth like vomit.

"I love you."

Wandas restraint finally breaks and she hungrily pushes her lips onto yours practically devouring you, you were so weak you let her take control of the kiss for a while until you return the kiss and press into her almost as if your bodies were morphing together but then after a while you give up. She was soft, like the girl you’ve always known wrapping her arms around you to support the weight she was pushing onto you in a hungry desire, she held onto you like she cares. You hold back a bit as you try to prop up onto her lap you struggle a bit but, she finally gives in and assists you by grabbing your waist gently and laying you onto her lap, you started to moan her name over and over some whines here and there, you placed a knee between her thigh you pulled away again as you cupped her face in a bitter sweet moment.

"is this okay?"

She nodded as she looked at you her eyes darkened but not by lust by the love that she always carried for you, as you propped yourself up on her thigh, you started to grind down into her, your core started to slightly weep onto your underwear almost enough to seep through the pants you had on.

"i love you.. so much wanda.."

You moaned out her name very softly. You were breathless almost it felt like your heart was a ticking time bomb that was about to explode any minute, it felt like a dream, you couldn't believe what was happening.

She smiled almost stupidly as she felt you grinding down against her thigh, with every thrust she was in a trance, she couldn't help but assist your movements with her hands placed upon your waist controlling your speed and motion, they soon made their way inside of your shirt as she fondled with your chests making you whimper a bit more.

You could taste all of her, the scent of cherries, wine and vanilla that always kept you longing even more for her was blessing the aroma of your apartment.

Your hands roamed her body, feeling the heat of her skin through her clothes, while her fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you even closer. She deepened her tongue into yours the faster you moved, the more urgent the desire became, building to a climax that left you both gasping for air. Your heart pounded in your chest, matching the rapid pace of your movements as you edged closer and closer. looking into her eyes you couldn't believe you were having this moment with someone you loved for so long. She slowly pulled your body weight off of her, her hand making its way towards the zipper of your pants as she looked at you for assurance to keep going.

As you looked at her gaze, you communicated with her without speaking a single word, your face softened as you took in the warmth of wandas presence you felt your chest flutter as you nodded then her hand slipped into your waistband slowly inserting her two cold fingers into your warm, wet core you slightly hissed at the feeling until you slowly sunk yourself deeper onto her fingers grinding a bit faster. She smiled at you again as she noticed your desperate movements it made her desire for you skyrocket, you finally let out a heavy exhale as you were holding your breath for so long from being so tense from the situation as she looked into your eyes while softly running her fingers through your hair helping a wave of comfort come over you as she pressed her lips against your forehead while pumping her fingers into your core as you breathed heavily before plastering and peppering her faces with kisses. Your movement was somewhat weak from the spell that wanda was putting you under almost as if she was a witch.. maybe a love witch.

"im sorry if it's bad-"

You immediately cut her off with pressing a kiss to her you felt her smile come onto your lips while you pressed against hers making her melt like ice cream.

"nonono- it... it feels so good wanda."

You said almost breathlessly as you smiled and assured her. This gave her more confidence as she started to speed up her movements not in a rough way, but in a way that lovers made love to each other. She felt her wrist start to cramp up a bit so she started using her thumb to draw circles over your clit as you threw your head back giving her mouth enough space to place kisses onto your neck leaving you with marks that were going to be very visible the next morning. More whimpers started to escape your mouth as you almost felt her knuckles go slightly deeper when you plunged your body weight lower onto her hand slightly giving you a sense of overstimulation.

"you feel so good y/n.."

You finally snapped out of your trance still having wandas fingers pump your clit not too aggressively but not too soft but just enough to go at a regular pace you couldn't help but feel a bit of shock as her pupils dilated even more with each thrust she sent to your core she was looking at you as if you were a god, holding you to the highest power or maybe to her this was what heaven looked like.

"im going to..-"

Finally a tight feeling in your stomach started to take over you as much as you tried to hold back for wandas pleasure you couldn't help but be selfish and let your own desire take over. As soon as she heard those words she started pumping her fingers at a faster pace making you slump into her arms even more causing her to wrap a arm around your waist as she lifted your shirt up with the swift movement of her mouth and started sucking on your breasts mumbling a few sentences over and over like:

"You're so perfect."

"I love you.."

In the moment you didn't mind if those words weren't true but you knew later on you would beg to know whether or not the statements that spewed from her mouth were true.

You finally reached your climax as you felt your throat tighten your words were incoherent as they were muffled by your moans of wandas name over and over, your breasts being latched on by wandas mouth causing a wet sensation all over your body, your fingers tangled up in her hair causing a mess, and your core felt empty as she pulled her fingers away from your throbbing core, you noticed the mess you made over wandas hand slowly dripping to her elbow you couldn't help but hide yourself as you nuzzled into her neck. Wanda immediately protested this, she pulled your head back to give you a clear view on how much you meant to her, she slowly brought her fingers to her mouth until you grabbed her wrist trying to fight her from doing the act that would drive her away from you but she pulled away from your grasp and immediately licked her fingers clean as she stared into your eyes with love filled in them. You were shocked from the sight as no had ever been so kind to you something that was yours was in her mouth, more hers than yours now.

Again, she pressed her lips forcefully against you, making you taste the mix of your juices and her lips mixing a feeling of love within you, You pulled away as you tried to catch your breath coming down from your high you were about to close your eyes until you felt her pick your sore body up from the couch and moving it to your bedroom providing more comfort for you both as you laid next to her you couldn't help but smile at the image that you dreamed about for months, it finally came true and that's all you needed.

She let out a slightly shaky breath, her chest rising and falling in a tender rhythm the same way your chest was also rising and falling down while you were still coming down from your high. Her fingers, warm and soft, gently caressed your cheek, tracing delicate patterns as if she was trying to remember the outline of your face. Each stroke was a silent testament to her feelings.

Her pupils dilated with adoration, and you couldn't help but smile from ear to ear at her touch. Yet, despite the bliss of the moment, the intrusive thoughts started to gnaw at you. Desperate to push those thoughts away, you spoke up, your voice barely a whisper.

"You're gonna regret this wanda.. i know after this.. tomorrow morning you'll just go back to being with vision.."

The words slipped out with your breath, and as soon as they did, you wished you could take them back. You watched helplessly as her expression shifted from one of pure love to a sadness that brought tears to your eyes. Regret washed over you.

"Why would you say that?" she asked softly, her voice trembling. Her eyes, which moments ago had been filled with love and adoration, now shimmered with unshed tears. Her brows knitted together in a mix of confusion and hurt, the corners of her mouth trembling as she tried to understand your words. "Why would you think I'd ever do that?"

You looked down, unable to meet her sad gaze, feeling the weight of her emotions pressing down on you with guilt lingering on your tongue. You could almost feel the ache in her heart, the way her hope had faltered in the face of your doubt, you regretted every word you said.

"I- i dont know-"

She took a shaky breath, her hand reaching out to touch your cheek once more, as if seeking reassurance. "Do you really think im that type of person?" she asked, her voice breaking slightly. "That you believe I would ever regret loving you? shit, even making love to you?"

Her words hit you causing you to be a emotional train wreck as the tears that were lightly shedding started to pour out of your eyes as you sobbed reaching for her grasp in a moment of comfort wanting to just run away. The vulnerability of her words really showed you how much wanda cared about you, she was willing to fight for what she believed in, and that made you love her even more.

"I just dont wanna get hurt" You confessed, it wasn't wandas fault that you felt this way but from your past you were so used to partners abandoning you at your lowest and you even begged them to stay, you hated seeing yourself so miserable so when it was time for your college years you started to rely on meaningless hookups for a sense of something but it never brought you anything.

She wiped your tears as she brought you into her arms carefully taking in your scent and ruffling her fingers through your hair to send comfort to you as she shushed you, knowing the more you talked the more you were willing to cry.

"I would never do that to you."

"I think loving you.."

A beat, she sighed for a second catching her breath as she almost started to break down again from the sight of you crying.

"I think loving you was the best decision i made in my life, don't ever let your thoughts consume you like that again okay?"

Her unwavering love, the sheer depth of it all, filled you with a mix of hope and slight regret. You nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in your throat.

"I'm sorry it was just a stupid thought" You chuckled rubbing your eyes as they slightly burned from how much tears you poured out tonight you were slightly embarrassed but you didn't mind since you had wanda there for you.

She pulled you away from her slightly so she can make sure you take in her words with bittersweet promises and love.

"Don't ever push me away again.."

"I love you."

You smiled at her words, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. She leaned in, her lips meeting yours in a soft, tender kiss. you seemed to melt away in her presence as she gently laid you down again, her arm wrapping securely around your stomach. She snuggled up to your body soothing all your worries.

Your eyelids started to grow heavy, and everything around you began to come into a blur. Yet, just before you surrendered to wandas comforting embrace, you managed to gain a bit of consciousness. With a sleepy smile, you mumbled back to her, your voice soft and filled with love.

"I love you too.."

Each touch of hers was a silent declaration that she was willing to stay with you no matter what. Finally lulling you asleep.

[chrissv4mp]

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

warnings(!!): vulgar language, verbal abuse, controllingbf!chris, manipulativebf!chris, use of "y/n", etc.

author's note: loosely inspired by the song "1 step forward, 3 steps back" by (my fav) olivia rodrigo🫶🏼 hope u guys enjoy & please note that chris would never actually act like this & that it's just an AU!!

♡ = you

☆ = chris

nobody is permitted to steal/repost my work on other platforms, thank you.

_____________

"hello?" chris said, his voice raspy as he had just finished a twitch stream where he'd been yelling at nick 30 minutes ago.

you sighed. well, it only took 3 calls for him to pick up.

"hey, chris." you still smiled, even if he couldn't see it. maybe it was just you trying to convince yourself you enjoyed this. whatever it was.

the boy behind the phone coughed, taking a sip of his pepsi before he spoke again, "hi, ma,"

his voice softened, making your smile widen as your face flushed.

"how-- how was your day?" chris asked, not an ounce of curiosity in his tone.

could he at least try to sound convincing for once? he'd done it time and time again whenever he lied to you.

"it was fine," you sighed, staring up at the ceiling of your room.

his eyebrows furrowed in both anger and confusion, "what? y/n, c'mon don't have an attitude with me right now.

you raised an eyebrow in confusion, your voice starting to tremble as you knew exactly how this would play out, "i didn't give you an att-"

"it was fine," he tried to mimic your voice, annoyance in the sentence. "and you wonder why i'm always so fucking angry."

not a word left your mouth in response, tears welling up in your eyes as you sniffed quietly before apologizing, "'m sorry,"

for what, though?

your chest rose and fell with every heavy breath you took, trying your best to push the tears back, "i just-- i just wanted to hear your voice before i went to bed."

chris didn't speak, instead he just sighed in disappointment, running a hand through his hair even though it'd just fall right back into place.

"well, you ruined it. maybe if you weren't such a fucking downer all the time people would actually think your fun. bye." the boy said before hanging up, not even giving you a chance to say goodnight.

your eyebrows furrowed, and the suffocating feeling in your throat finally took over as tears rolled down your face, stopping at your jawline before they fell to your collarbone.

"fuck!" you grunted, punching the mattress before chucking your phone across your room without even thinking.

your breathing began to get heavier, and you quickly began to sob, choking out cries as you cursed at yourself.

stupid, stupid, stupid. why must i be so fucking stupid?

you gripped the sheets of your bed tighter, trying to control your breathing as you shut your eyes tightly.

why cry? it's not like this hasn't happened before. you're always the bad guy in situations like this. never him.

but it's not your fault.

deep inhale, deep exhale. over and over again you did this, until your vision finally cleared and your breath was finally even.

you opened your eyes, looking around the room for your phone that you had thrown somewhere earlier.

the floor creaked as your foot hit the floorboard, walking over to your bedroom door and kneeling down to grab the device.

"shit," you muttered, turning it around to reveal multiple of cracks on the screen. your thumb went to the power button, pressing it.

"no, no, no, fuck." continuously you hit the power button, hoping that by a miracle it would turn on and all would be okay.

well, maybe this was the reason your parents told you to get a screen-protector.

maybe this is why he thinks i'm no fun. does he even think i'm pretty?

♡...

_____________

...☆

why am i like this.

chris set his phone on his desk, looking up at his monitor that was currently displaying the fortnite lobby.

his eyes move over to the other monitor, the home screen being a picture of him and you at the beach a few years ago.

a frown washes over his face and he can't help but stare at the picture a little longer, wishing he was back in that moment. he remembers every part of it.

"chris, what the fuck!" you gasped, your mouth agape as the brown-haired boy had just flung water at you.

the boy snickered as he tried, but miserably failed, to run away from you in the water.

"i'd kill him," matt laughed, sitting back on his beach towel as he watched the two of you.

chris continued to slowly run away from you, but you quickly swam towards him and splashed a ton of water at the brunette boy.

"fuck!" he gasped, shivering from the cold even though he was waist deep in the ocean.

"don't be such a baby," you teased, splashing water at him once more before swimming away and onto shore.

chris followed shortly after, stumbling out of the ocean and falling onto the soft sand of the beach.

you laughed, grabbing your phone from your bag as you ran over to him, slinging an arm around his shoulder as you raised your phone camera.

"smile, baby." you said, kissing his sand-covered cheek as you took the picture.

"chris!" matt's voice erupted from down the hall, and chris turned around in his swivel chair to look at his brother.

he cocked an eyebrow, laying back in his seat as he watched matt walk into his room.

"yeah?" the younger brother asked.

"nick and i were thinking y/n should join us for a wednesday vlog. i mean, you've already hard launched her so we don't see why not properly introduce her." he gave his brother a toothy grin, leaning against the door frame and awaiting chris's answer.

his breath caught, and matt seemed to notice, tilting his head as he looked over at chris.

"you okay, chris?"

chris just nodded, blinking a few times to bring himself back to reality, "yeah, yeah. great idea, i'll call her tomorrow, i'm sure she'd be open to the idea."

if she even answers the phone.

matt nodded, smiling as he left chris's room.

the night went by quickly, and every moment up to this one, chris dreaded.

for the first time he'd be the one calling you. why'd he feel so weird? so vulnerable?

his fingers slowly typed in your number, and the first ring didn't even get to his ear before you picked up.

"chris?" your voice was softer than usual, like you were excited.

maybe it was because he was the one to call you this time.

"hey, ma. i'm sorry for yesterday i was 'js stressed," chris muttered, his voice raspy from yesterday and from the fact that he had just woken up.

your smile faded a bit, but your heart warmed at the sound of his voice actually sounding sympathetic for once. was he changing?

"it's... it's okay, i figured you probably had a long day." you smiled, this one more for him than yourself this time.

chris nodded, his heart warming at the reassurance that you had been thinking of him.

it was nothing new, he just never noticed because he was so caught up on himself.

"did-- did you need something, baby?" you asked softly, voice low as to not provoke the boy.

chris let a small smile creep onto his face, "matt had the idea to invite you in on our wednesday vlog,"

the shock on your face wasn't subtle, and you immediately smiled before saying, "wait, seriously? but i thought you wanted to keep our relationship off the media for a while?"

the boy shrugged, adjusting himself so that he held his phone with his shoulder, "well, i did kinda hard-launch you in a friday post, so i'm sure half of the world knows by now,"

your smile widened, face softening at his words.

"so why don't we show the other half how amazing my girlfriend is?" he asked, the smallest hint of excitement in his voice.

"already on my way," you replied, hearing him laugh on the other line.

"and just be warned, i have no idea what the topic is and matt and nick can get a little crazy." chris joked.

"well, whatever it is i doubt it'll be in our favour." you laughed.

_____________

the tripod was propped up in front of the triplets' island, a red glowing dot indicating it was recording.

before the introduction, chris and matt's banter was the first thing to be recorded.

"the fuck?" chris laughed, punching matt in the shoulder.

"well, welcome to our wednesday video! me and matt-- well, mainly matt --came up with the idea for today's vlog." nick explained, looking over to his brothers with a smile.

matt smiled brightly at the camera, giving a dorky thumbs up as he looked over at nick and chris.

chris cringed at both his brothers, "why are you so formal? sound like a dumbass." he snickered.

nick replied with a punch to his brothers chest, and chris made an exaggerated scream.

"kid's crying and he hasn't even heard the video idea," matt joked, and chris shoved him.

nick rolled his eyes before looking over at you, who was standing just out of the sight of the camera.

"and to spice things up a bit, we have a special guest!" he exclaimed, smiling at you.

chris nodded, "very special."

nick gestured towards you, and you took that as a que to walk into frame, waving at the camera before taking the empty seat between him and chris.

"this is y/n, chris's girlfriend!" nick said, gesturing towards you once again before you properly gave a greeting.

"hello, i'm so happy to be here!" you smiled, waving at the camera once again before chris placed a kiss on your cheek.

matt made a face, "maybe save all the lovey-dovey stuff for after the video?"

chris wrapped a hand around your waist before slapping matts arm, "okay mr. i get no bitches."

matt rolled his eyes before turning to the camera again, "so, the inspiration for this video was literally just me and my brothers building lego sets."

"you're speaking as if you're telling a story--" chris started but was quickly interrupted by nicks scream of annoyance.

"do we need the tape again?" he groaned, and chris laughed quietly.

"anyway... as i was saying, me and nick went to target the other day and chris reminded us we needed paper plates, so while we were in the aisle we saw some red solo cups," he explained, looking over at nick who had a mischievous smile plastered on his face.

"so... we're gonna play cup pong!" matt exclaimed like a child, looking over at you and chris.

you smiled, "i'm the best at cup pong,"

nick raised an eyebrow, "well, let's see."

"we're gonna have teams, so that's why we wanted to get y/n into today's video. chris, it looks like you might have an advantage..." matt sighed, "he's the worst at cup pong."

nick hummed in agreement, and chris just rolled his eyes out of fake annoyance, "loser alos has to drink a shot of hot sauce."

your lips upturned into a smirk again, crossing your arms over one another in front of your chest, "alright, then."

_____________

chris groaned as he slammed his fist down onto the island, watching as the orange ping-pong ball bounced off of it.

"better prepare yourself for that hot sauce, chris." matt laughed, throwing the ping-pong ball and landing it inside of a cup.

nick and matt high-fived as they cheered for each other.

it was your turn, you grabbed the ping-pong ball and aimed for a cup, squinting your eyes.

"c'mon, baby, you got this." chris encouraged, his voice low.

you bounced the ball, and it jumped into the cup right before bouncing back out, "this game is rigged, what the fuck?!"

chris dragged his hands down his face in disappointment, walking away from the camera for a few seconds before stepping back into frame.

"ooh! well, you know what that means.." nick laughed, looking over at chris who just growled under his breath.

chris balled his hands into fists, and matt watched his body language change.

"nick, stop the camera." he muttered, nudging his older brother as he pointed to chris.

chris saw and he raised his voice, "the fuck are you pointing at?"

nick didn't move, his eyes trained on chris as the younger boy moved back to the island.

"nick! turn the fucking camera off." matt said, this time louder.

your eyes widened as chris approached the island, knocking all the cups down as they fell to the floor.

"fuck this stupid fucking game!" he yelled, going over to matt and nicks side before throwing all the cups down.

you backed away from the island, eyes widening as your breathing hitched.

"y/n, i can take you home." matt offered, but chris quickly took the keys from the kitchen counter, stomping over to you and roughly grabbing your hand.

"chris, what the fuck?" nick yelled, finally getting over to the camera and turning it off.

"chris!" matt called, but the younger boy just dragged you out of the house and into the mini van.

he slammed the car door, jamming the keys into the ignition before pulling out of their driveway.

"chris," you muttered, and all the boy did was grumble to himself.

"baby, i'm scared." your voice trembled as you held back tears, your eyes focused on chris.

the boy scoffed, looking over at you with wide eyes, "the fuck are you scared for?"

you didn't answer him, feeling the car speed up as his anger grew.

"fucking answer me, y/n!" he yelled, eyes trained on the road as he punched the steering wheel.

you jumped, tears gathering in your eyes as you muttered, "nothing, nevermind."

chris groaned, and then the car fell silent.

the drive to your wasn't far, and chris's anger was quickly rising with every passing second.

he couldn't handle it anymore. he stopped the car just a few blocks from your house, parking on the side of the road for just a minute.

"get out, y/n." he muttered, not caring to even look your way.

you raised an eyebrow, "what?"

he exhaled shakily, gripping on the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white.

"you heard me loud and clear. get out of the car. now." he said again, looking out of his window.

you didn't move, not even unbuckling your seatbelt, "chris, my house is just a few more blocks--"

"get the fuck out!" he yelled, finally turning to look at you with wide eyes.

the tears finally fell down your face as fear filled your entire being, quickly unbuckling your seatbelt and opening the passenger door.

chris fell back against his seat, head leaning against the headrest as he began to drive away. fast.

you sobbed as you made your way down the sidewalk, keeping your head down the entire way back to your house.

why was he so cruel?

as you approached your house, you remembered the last time he had dropped you off here.

"i love you," he smiled, leaning over the center console to press a soft kiss to your lips.

"i love you, too, baby." you muttered before pulling away and getting out of the car.

chris did, too, following by your side as you walked up the porch.

you giggled, "what's up?"

he just shrugged, stopping behind you as you got to the front door, "just wanted to walk you to the door. needed to make sure you're safe."

"why wouldn't i be safe? what, did you expect me to get kidnapped on the second step i took?" you joked, and ge just nodded nonchalantly.

"my exact thoughts!"

you nudged his shoulder, kissing him on the cheek before entering your house.

the things you would do to experience that again.

but until then it'll always just be this, chris flipping from good to bad.

it's always 1 step forward, and 3 steps back.

. . .

tags: @mattsbbg @55sturn @mayhem-72 @freshloveee @h3arts4harry @films4sturni @voidghsts @thebottledwatersupplier @lanixsturniolo @niicksposts @mattsneezing @stingerayyy2 @sturn-wrld @chrissturnswife