#do feel them but have a certain distance from them and pre programmed ideas about how they apply to themself. i dunno!!!

[anemonet]

hey rememberthe reverse iterators au. are you ever going to post about that again because i think it was pretty cool!

pebbles when he didnt even get to try

[More of my reverse iterator au if anyone is wondering what is going on!]

[katnissmellarkkk]

Okayyyy here comes the next chapter ! Number .... lemme look. Okay, number six! 🥳🥳🥳

And yes, my thoughts as usual will be a messy, very Everlark-biased and full of typos. Letsss gooooo 🥰🥰🥰

Is this the first time Katniss and Peeta have been to their floor or is this just the most opportune time to explain and introduce the Tribute Center living quarters?

Also why are they called tributes anyway? That word suddenly seems weird to me after nine years... 🤔🤔🤔

“I've ridden the elevator a couple of times in the Justice Building back in District 12. Once to receive the medal for my father's death and then yesterday to say my final goodbyes to my friends and family” .... 😶😶 so only good memories and connotations to elevators then, huh?

“The walls of this elevator are made of crystal so that you can watch the people on the ground floor shrink to ants as you shoot up into the air.” My mind is just imagining the elevator in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone’s Spider-Man movies 🤗.

“It's exhilarating and I'm tempted to ask Effie Trinket if we can ride it again, but somehow that seems childish” this is so cute and innocent omg. Katniss, like I said in my last chapter blog, still has some childlike innocence left in her 🥺🥺🥺. I’m a sad.

Also excuse the unnecessary extra gif use but 🤭🤭🤭

Oh wow, so Haymitch hasn’t been around since they were on the train? No wonder neither Katniss nor Peeta fled they could trust him for basically the entirety of the first book. 😐😐😐

You know it’s bad when Effie being around feels like a blessing to Katniss. Girl has more restraint than me, I’d have ripped off this woman’s janky wig by now without remorse. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Effie acts like they’re her purebred show dogs. I know I know how is this news, that’s a blatant fact. The movies really softened her up tho for the general audience. And I bleed the movies and books together more than I should 😔😔😔

Well at least she’s made herself useful, trying to get Everlark sponsors ... even if it’s ultimately to benefit herself above anyone else .... 😤

Effie calling Twelve barbaric while she’s preparing them for the slaughter isn’t even ironic it’s like literally just brainless. Johanna probably had the nickname floating around for a lot of people before she officially knighted Katniss with it 😭

“Everyone has their reservations, naturally. You being from the coal district.” Is this how they refer to Twelve? So basically if a district makes a better item, it’s a more worthy one in the Capitol’s eyes? So essentially, if District Eight made like diamonds or pearls or whatever then it would be more worthy? So are the districts assigned their numbers (one, two, three, four, etc) based on their order of importance to the Capitol’s lifestyle? I always thought it was based on their distance in relation to the Capitol? Okay so I didn’t really pay much attention to these facts previously when I read these books ok look away I’m an idiot

Omg 😭😭😭😭 Effie is such an idiot. But the coal turns to pearls thing is my favorite line from her only because it serves as the cutest inside joke when Peeta makes a callback to it in Catching Fire and Finnick is just like “why are these two teenagers so stupid who did I ally with? 🥵😳🥵😳🥵”

“I wonder if the people she's been plugging us to all day either know or care.” After reading Songbirds and Snakes, I’m sure they don’t have a clue, boo. 😑😑😑😑 although not everyone was an idiot back then ... maybe Snow is putting lead in the drinking water?

“But don't worry, I'll get him to the table at gunpoint if necessary.” I know she’s trying to help and I know we say this kind of thing today, but considering this is two kids she’s well aware will be heading into a death match this is just bad wording I know surprise surprise 🙄🙄🙄😬😬😬😬

“Although lacking in many departments, Effie Trinket has a certain determination I have to admire.” Katniss really does see the best in people. What’s sad, y’all, is I think Katniss unconsciously really tries to like people and that’s why she has her guard up so high. Because the softer you are, the easier people will step all over you. Terrible phrasing here, Samantha, I’m so sorry to any of my readers ... okay now that sounded arrogant, implying I have readers 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅

“My quarters are larger than our entire house back home.” Omg? I mean, yes, I knew this already obviously no duh but like also. Just the fact that three people live in a space smaller than a bedroom and bathroom arena is saddy sad sad. Also do they have indoor plumbing in the Seam or is their backyards just full of—okay, I’ll see myself out. 😶🤭😅🙃

“The shower alone has a panel with more than a hundred options you can choose regulating water temperature, pressure, soaps, shampoos, scents, oils, and massaging sponges.” I’m just imagining a Spongebob scene ngl.

I’m sorry there’s so many gifs this time around it’s probably taking us out of the reading headspace I’ll never do it again 😩😩😩😩 I talk like I have a class of people listening to me 🤭🤭🤭

“Instead of struggling with the knots in my wet hair, I merely place my hand on a box that sends a current through my scalp, untangling, parting, and drying my hair almost instantly” I need this someone invent this NOW my brush is yanking out my hair 😔😩

“I program the closet for an outfit to my taste.” ‘Yes, Alexa, I’d like a hunting jacket, some boots and a green shirt. Yes, it can be brown.’

“You need only whisper a type of food from a gigantic menu into a mouthpiece and it appears, hot and steamy, before you in less than a minute.” I like this idea because it means that Peeta could order hot choccy to comfort Katniss after her nightmares in Catching Fire from the comfort of her their own bed. 🤗🤗🤗 also I want this for myself. The bad people are giving my greedy self ideas look away everyone 😬

“I walk around the room eating goose liver and puffy bread until there's a knock on the door.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢 Of everything you could have chosen, child, this is what you decided on? Someone help my girl and her rotten tastebuds now.

“Effie's calling me to dinner. Good. I'm starving.” Baby, you were just eating. She’s so nutritionally messed up. 😔😔😔

Katniss trying wine 🥳🥳🥳 she’s so funny, trying to find a way to improve the taste 😅. She’ll make a good taste tester for her baker husband one day.

Hahahaha Katniss not liking the feeling and judging Haymitch for always being tipsy. Also this is sad because she ends up addicted to morphling later one which is far worse than a little wine.

I’m glad to know Baked Alaska survived the apocalypse 😅🥳

Katniss just constantly trying to decipher the recipe of every meal and how to recreate it reads cute on a surface level but it’s actually so tragic because everything to this girl is based around food. Like even more than is typically noticed. They really should have given a hint at this in the first movie. Good thing she marries a man who can always keep her full.

I’m just forever side-eyeing you, Gare Bear.

That’s Gary Ross for the confused kids in the back.

Why does Katniss yelling mid-sentence, “oh! I know you!” add to her innocence? 🥺 it’s because she was overwhelmed by all the food and new luxuries she’d never even been able to imagine ... and also this is pre her first games so she’s still got some childhood left in her 😩😔

I wonder how Lavinia felt seeing Katniss volunteer and knowing she’d be her Avox? I wonder if she, like Cinna, somehow volunteered to be her Avox?

I mean ... talk about convenient placement that this specific girl was assigned to Katniss’ district—oh wait, y’all, I just caught myself. She’s from Twelve. She was assigned to Twelve’s tributes because she’s from there, duh. I’m such an airhead omg just call me Effie.

Don’t you actually dare.

“When I look back, the four adults are watching me like hawks.” Meanwhile, Peeta is just like 😬😬😬 eating his dinner.

Actually, ngl, this could be such a reach and it probably is but like maybe Peeta sensed a confrontation coming and, because of his implied upbringing, he naturally becomes silent or makes himself invisible when trouble starts looking like it’s gonna arise. 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t know why I say these things I’m just hurting my own feelings but ya know the drill. I thought it so I said it.

Why is Effie yelling at Katniss for saying she knows the Avox girl like omg overreaction much? And I know, the sky is blue 🙄🙄🙄 she’s prejudiced against basically everyone, I know, I know

Rip her wig off, Katty Deen 🤗🤗🤗

Oh I stupidly forgot that Avoxes are supposedly known by everyone to be traitors or criminals. So I suppose this isn’t Effie’s worst offense but I’m keeping a tally anyways

Katniss is blaming her stuttering on the wine but my girl just has social anxiety 😔😔😔

Peeta coming in with a save 😭😭😭 he’s already trying saving his girl 🤧

Alsoooo the unspoken friendship, the covering for the other and teaming up against the adults, is still riding high and going strong here 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 look away, y’all, the shipper comments are coming in strong

Also why is this the first real interaction with Peeta in this chapter yet? My baby needs more page-time 🤭🤭🤭

“Delly Cartwright is a pasty-faced, lumpy girl with yellowish hair who looks about as much like our server as a beetle does a butterfly.” Now why did Katniss just tear Delly to shreds for no reason at all 😭😭😭 this was a surprise assault on the poor girl 🙃🙃🙃🙃

“She may also be the friendliest person on the planet - she smiles constantly at everybody in school, even me.” Okay not to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... but to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... this description of poor, sweet Delly is actually indicative of Peeta’s character? Since Delly, we find out in Mockingjay, is Peeta’s childhood best friend, her personality being this sunny, kind, good-natured person tells us Peeta has always probably been somewhat like her and perhaps not as much like the other town kids Katniss implies to be stuck up or snooty. Maybe Katniss is just shady and deflects onto others 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also the fact that she gives this like ... mean description of Delly but saw Peeta as popular, even though surely Delly and Peeta spent time at school together, implies further that Katniss did indeed harbor a secret crush on Peeta even before the reaping. A very mild comparison of his on her though, of course 😅😅😅

“It must be the hair” “something about the eyes too” their piggybacking on the other’s comments really is just chiefs kiss 😘🤗🥰🤧 FYI I know the saying is chefs kiss but I made the typo once a long time ago and decided to add it forever to my brand 🤗🙃🥳

Also though this Everlark interaction is reminiscent of when two kids get caught by their teacher goofing off in class and covering for each other 🥰 only it’s a lot more deadly stakes

“A few of the other couples make a nice impression, but none of them can hold a candle to us.” She’s so modest 🤧🤧🤧 her narration here and during the Tribute Parade just has the vibes of ... well .... sorry in advance

Haymitch’s comment “Just the perfect touch of rebellion. Very nice” leads me to think he and Cinna and maybe Portia were always in cahoots about the rebellion even before Katniss and Peeta came along and well ... lit their match on fire 🥁🤗🤣🤭

Katniss is like “rebellion??? Rebellion where??? What’s that you old people speak of???” And yet, girlfriend goes out to the woods and hunts illegally every day of her life 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

“But when I remember the other couples, standing stiffly apart, never touching or acknowledging each other, as if their fellow tribute did not exist” too lazy too look it up but there’s a quote from Ballad about Lucy Gray and Jessup being distinguished by their visible friendship too that set them apart from the other tributes.

Either Suzanne thought of drawing a nice parallel showing what a failed Everlark attempt looks like, because I firmly stand by the fact that without their real feelings behind their act, even Katniss’ unconscious ones, they wouldn’t have pulled it off, or Suzzie just reused her own content. I prefer the former but I think it’s probably the latter 🤭🤭🤭

“Now go get some sleep while the grown-ups talk." I know Haymitch is being facetious here but this quote reminded me of the fact that the movies would have hit differently if they’d cast actual sixteen year olds in the roles.

“When we get to my door, he leans against the frame, not blocking my entrance exactly but insisting I pay attention to him.” This is such a flirty, high school boy pose, you cannot convince me otherwise 😭😭😭

Also I definitely feel like Peeta is getting more and more confident here because he’s oblivious to Katniss’ inner monologue as much as she is his actually we all are his sadly and he probably thinks she’s starting to like him 🤧🤧🤧

“So, Delly Cartwright. Imagine finding her lookalike here." 🤣 He honestly cracks me up idk why this line isn’t even special or that great. He’s just so ... subtly nosy / funny. Which brings me to that quote from Mockingjay where Katniss talks about his sense of humor because it’s one of the things she loves most about him 😭😭😭

But he’s like, “I can keep a secret, Katniss, tell me who that tongueless chick is to you 😬”

Katniss stop talking about debts, friends cover for the other all the time 🙄🙄 I know it’s in her character stop yelling at a fish for swimming that’s not a real phrase I know that too

Okay first of all, they’re about to share a secret 🥰🥰🥰🥰. My shipper goggles are on tight and obstructing my vision. I know this and am proud 😬🥳🤗

And secondly, “Maybe sharing a confidence will actually make him believe I see him as a friend.” Hey, butthead, you two are already friends. She doesn’t even recognize that the girl who constantly sits with her, talks to her, eats with her and trades with her is her friend either though, I’m shocked she calls Gale her friend

Does Peeta get to know Cinna too? I don’t think so but it’s mentioned now a couple times in this chapter alone that Peeta has interacted with Cinna. Katniss never interacts or has a conversation with Portia.... then again, is that even surprising? Katniss isn’t ... what you would call ... social. Hashtag relatable.

Awww, they’re communicating so effectively together 🥰😭🤧🥳

Also rooftops belong to Everlark only 😍😊😉 I mean, seriously, Katniss never goes up on a rooftop with anyone else. Besides Haymitch in the first movie but we ignore.

“Electricity in District 12 comes and goes, usually we only have it a few hours a day.” Earlier she said the Seam didn’t often have electricity, in particular, so either she’s not specifying her section of the district anymore or Suzanne is backtracking.

“But here there would be no shortage. Ever.” I’ve had two power outages recently so clearly the Capitol isn’t based on us currently today then 😐😐 I’m just joking ok

“I asked Cinna why they let us up here. Weren't they worried that some of the tributes might decide to jump right over the side?” .... boyfriend, where does your mind go sometimes? Peeta’s darker than we realize, y’all 🤭🤭🙃🙃

“He holds out his hand into seemingly empty space. There's a sharp zap and he jerks it back” between this and Catching Fire, Peeta is addicted to getting shocked by forcefields 🤧🤧🤧

“I wonder if we're supposed to be up here now, so late and alone.” If this was a romantic drama or comedy, that line would have meant something a lot more fun 😒😔😬😉😏

“On the other side of the dome, they've built a garden with flower beds and potted trees.” Is this meant to resemble Snow’s grandmother’s garden???? Like he had them put a garden there to like ... put a piece of his Grandma’am in the games? Idk this made zero sense it was a stupid thought

Two people in a garden at night, with wind chimes, sounds romantic in any other context. 🥺🥺

Ummm does everyone in the entire district know Katniss and her father used to hunt together?

Oh nevermind, Lavinia is not from District Twelve. My bad, guys. I should go up and edit my previous thoughts but that’s a lot of work. 😅😅😅

Katniss, stop being so hard on yourself. You and Gale were kids. 😣😣

Ummm, Katniss for a girl always complimenting Peeta’s storyteller, you’re pretty good at painting a picture yourself...

Peeta noticing she’s shivering 🥰🥺

He gives her ... his jacket 😭😭😭😭 such a romantic troupe Samantha, get over it there’s literally children dying

Oh wow, Lavinia was from the Capitol originally. Hmm, it is sus now that she got District Twelve this particular year.

But also 🤧🤧🤧 “he secures a button at my neck.”

His hands .... are .... often .... at her .... neck .... 😶😬 .... look away, y’all

Oh wow, Katniss is over here thinking, “who’d leave the Capitol if they were from here???” And Peeta’s like instantly, loudly, without hesitating, “well I would 🙋🏼‍♂️”

Hot take, y’all ready? Peeta was a bigger rebel than Katniss from the start. At least internally.

Awww, Peeta is so jealous 😭😭😭😭 and kind of nosy 🤭🤭🤭

Katniss : “me and Gale are not related” Peeta : “😬🙃😭😩😶”

“I'd set out to tell her I was sorry about dinner. [...] my apology runs much deeper. [...] I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger. Just like I was watching the Games.” I feel like this is actually a good comparison though, because of you grew up in a society where you have to watch kids die, your whole entire life you’ve watched it in a glorified television show, you would be really desensitized to it...

“You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.” Here she’s talking about Lavinia but it applies to Peeta too. Katniss was Lavinia’s last hope and she feels like she let her down but Peeta was her last hope once and he came through. And, as she said in chapter one, she’ll never forget him for it. And for other things too. Later on. 😏

Of course my last bullet point was focused on Everlark 🤣 is anyone surprised you shouldn’t be we all knew who this post was written by right? 😅

And once again, if too made through this marathon, congratulations 🥳🥳🥳🥳 maybe next chapter I’ll talk less not likely though so don’t count on it 😅

[btswishes]

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 2 )

Previous / Next

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: Continuing my little experiment here with chapter2, a bit more filler for the story. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count:  2,903

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU

Y/N- Your name 

Y/L/N- Your Last Name

                                  ----------------------------

   The suitcase made a slight thumping sound, when you laid it down on the floor next to your desk. Wasting no time books found their new home on the empty shelves, notebooks fell asleep in the dark drawers. Pens, pencils, markers and all your stationary soon followed suit and found their own little space to rest.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” the silence in the room finally got overthrown by the voice of its new owner, asking for some help in the matters unfolding 

Yes Miss Y/N

“Would you put a timer for 5min from now please?” still focused onto your stuff, finding them a visible but safe from damage storage. Nothing could destroy as well as time and dust did.

Timer set for 5 minutes from now.

“Thank you.” The only thing left to do now was to get the clothes in the closet and move the tech to the lab. Hopefully Dr. Banner wouldn’t mind waiting a bit more, not like he seemed to but who knows, Hulk lived inside him after all. You didn’t want to take a chance and play with his limits. The closet was hidden inside the wall, stealthy I must say. Toothpaste and toothbrush, essentials and cosmetics. All was done, now.

      Ding Ding Ding.  

Timer is going off  Miss. Shall I turn it off or restart it?

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y. You can turn it off. “

  Your laptop and small bag were safely nestled under your arm, making your way outside the room.  For a moment you thought you got lost, but the orange tint of the sun’s rays soon pulled your attention in the right direction. Around the corner your nose caught the smell of caramel. Your head hesitantly protruded behind the pillar, as you called out to the man holding 2 cups in his hands firmly.

“Oh.” He jumped a bit, reaching out offering one of the mugs “ I hope you like it, we don’t have much selection when it comes to tea here. Coffee addicts you know.” he laughed out

“It is ok. Thank you very much.” Your leg levered and you swung onto the bar chair like it was nothing, taking a sip from the hot drink. You felt it warm you up slowly as it went down, melting away a bit of your anxiety. Once again your sight was captivated by the view. No one knows how much time passed since you got lost in the sunset, but it was nice. You could barely hear the bustling city from the 134th floor. It was only you, the sun and the room. Quiet almost like a safe serene space.

“Beautiful isn’t it.” Bruce shook you out of your little mind palace

“Mm? Ah, yes. Very much so. “ you puffed out some air with your smile, eyes forming little crescent moons “I feel like a cat, my attention keeps drifting to the glass unintentionally.”

“I understand you. I keep doing that myself and I have lived in the compound for quite some time now. “ the conversation was lighthearted, easily drifting over the main reason for your arrival “One would think I would be used to it by now.”

“Mr Stark made this place so calm. Big yet homey.” Your head scanned the area, words intriguing the doctor “ In a way it contrasts the inner state of most of the Avengers.” realized what just came out of your lips, your body stiffened. Oh man, way to ruin it - you thought to yourself “I am so sorry.” The mug clanked under the table, sending a vibration to his palm, as you bowed “I spoke out of place.”

“I think you might be on to something.” Your neck pulled your head up, a few strands of hair falling down next to your soft cheek. Bruce was still looking at the setting sun with a soft smile, his jaw exposing the beard to the light, coloring it a deep fiery yellow hue. There was something nostalgic in his dark eyes. “Most of us here have some sort of troubled past- lets sugar coat it a bit. This whole building, on the levels we use., is like a constant Zen state. It calms us down unintentionally. How do I say this...” He turned towards his coffee, laughing out almost silently.

“Maybe it offers you the peace you couldn’t have on the inside, masking the pain from past trauma. A way to indirectly cope with all that had happened, offering a haven to heal the past.” Bruce was listening to you, taking in your way of thinking and how right you were about something that had always been in front of his eyes ,but he had never noticed it before. Such a young girl, so much pain in her manner. He couldn’t bring himself to ask you about the weight inside your voice. It felt too close for him to do so. He had just met you after all, it is not like he could just straight up ask you about all your deepest and darkest secrets, that you might be hiding underneath your mature façade.

“Well, enough about our depressing past.” He pushed off the table “Lets get you situated in your new place.”Dr. Banner began walking in the direction of the lab, turning towards you from time to time. He was make sure you were close by and not lost somewhere in this maze of halls, corridors and who knows what else Tony could have hidden in these walls, for some unsuspecting person to stumble upon.

“I am sadly not familiar with your work like Tony is. He told me about you literally a few hours before you arrived, so you would have to excuse me for that.” You nodded with a smile, accepting the apology he didn’t even need to speak of 

“The lab is pretty big.” He unlocked the door and turned the lights on. It was exactly as he said and nothing like you had expected. The color pattern was the same tints, maybe a bit of blue mixed in as well, a dash of red. The tables and tech inside were state-of-the-art, high-quality and very well kept. Some weren’t even yet released or known to the public. Talking year 3054 up in here.

“This will be your desk, right next to me.”Bruce plopped onto his chair and waved at you “Hi, Hi.”

  He gestured for you to get yourself as comfortable as possible, which you almost couldn’t wait to do. Your fingers gently ran over the material getting familiar with it. Just with one look you already knew where everything was going to go, like it knew it’s own home. You had a tech bay, where you could check how systems worked, if they didn’t and building anything. It was amazing, just an arm’s length distance was possibility and creation itself. Excitement boiled inside you, eyes wide. Reaching inside the bag, you pulled out your work computer, your project tablet and made sure they were all connected to the internet and matched the Stark system interface. As soon as you saw the company logo you were all set up.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” the silence danced hand in hand with your voice

Yes Miss. Would you like a run down on the desk functions?

“Yes please.” In a matter of minutes you realized that this wasn’t just some random fancy desk ,but a whole machine of its own. Interactive hologram functions, building station and program 3D design. It had it all. Bruce was shocked how easy you worked with F.R.I.D.A.Y. , naturally taking a lead and informing yourself at 100% capacity about what you will be working with. For a second Tony flashed before his eyes.

“What made you apply here?” he cut your investigation “I don’t mean to be rude but I saw some of your pre-university work.”

“No problem. I was mostly out of the country for a very long time, maybe most of my life. When I came back the Avengers were something I loved watching on the news.” The praise went over Bruce’s head unnoticed “ There was something nostalgic when I looked at you guys. Mr. Stark’s tech, the way everyone fought with ease, I don’t know how to explain it. I craved that in my life, almost like a forgotten world I was striving to immerse myself back into. “ a gentle crook of the neck and a smile eased Bruce from the question

“Well you made it here, so congratulations.” loud joyous clapping followed his words” I think I am talking for all of us, we will love having you around. So-” His face became serious, glasses finding the bridge of his nose onto his face, eyes sharp “Would you like to start with your job here miss intern?” he winked playfully waiting to see your reaction. Like a mirror ,you pulled your hair away from your face, rolled up your sleeves and flashed back the same look of determination. “Introduce me to your train of thought and your projects.”

“I work mainly with the structure and characteristics of vibranium. At first, I was focused on making prosthetics that pack a punch the same way the Iron Man suits worked and Sergeant Barnes’s arm- of course on a smaller scale. But then my mind started drifting towards the process before amputation, which was for a certain percent of people the healing factor. Maybe inside strength as well. ”

“As in incorporating it into medical technology?” this sounded too simple of an idea coming for someone Tony chose, yet Bruce kept listening. He was judging the book by its cover way too soon.

“Not exactly. Vibranium has a metal crystal structure that possesses ‘memory’ the same way other metals remember being indented even after getting fixed or straightened eventually. My theory has a few parts before I reach the main plan. Going on an atomic level, even deeper to its base structure, I change the connections between the atoms. They have the same functions as in keeping the shape, but missing that molding memory.”

“You are saying you can mold the bonds, selecting freely what function to remove?” Bruce pushed back off his chair, letting the idea enter his ear and stay there, feeding the interest on his face.

“I am not saying I can.” he was listening more and more with each passing minute “I am saying I did it. I am in the final stages of my project.” Your hands pulled out a flat disk of vibranium  “F.R.I.D.A.Y. would you do a double scan before and after I bend this?”

Affirmatively Miss. Scan done. Shall I offer a hologram?

“Please do.” Right between your two bodies you could now see the basics of the metal “ See how the bonds are thicker? I noticed, metal bonds just have to keep  the shape of the crystal structure. Not only did I make vibranium stronger than it originally was, but now if I bend-it.” Your voice strained in pair with your muscles, as you folded and unfolded the sheet. The second scan showed no memory intake not even deformed the shapes “I call this metal healing.”

“That...that is amazing, not even a crease to be noticed! But where are you going with this?” Bruce rubbed his face, still shook from what you just showed him

“It might sound stupid, but this isn’t even my main idea. You see, if we look at matter as one and the same, things start to add up. Everything on a molecular level has no difference. Bonds, and atom-placement dictate what the object will be, look like and how it works- properties if you wish. I looked at vibranium and human flesh as different parts of one thing, which lead me to believe enhancing people could be done without super soldier serums.”

“That is… truly amazing, but won’t the testing period be a sadistic thing. We are not HYDRA thankfully.” As great as this was Bruce had a point here “Human experiments are not a politic the Avengers will ever lean upon. As fellow humans nonetheless.”

“I am not planning to make another Winter Soldier. I already have control over vibranium on levels outside and inside hyperspace.” You pulled out a bottle of metallic looking dust. The top unscrewed easy and you spilled the contents like heavy silvery snow all over the floor. “If I take quarks from the human body and use them to make 1 proton from the atomic nucleus, I can theoretically program it to answer to the human body using the unbroken rule of our system.”

  Bruce blinked a few times understanding exactly where you were reaching “All work in favor of the body.” He said out loud, glasses sliding off his skin

“Exactly. If they get programmed correctly the metal will work for the body, under the command of the main system- the nerves and brain. Post that success I would be able to inject them with a liquid medium directly into the bloodstream. As they make their way to all parts of the body, they will get acquainted with the cells. I want to change them so they will be susceptible to hormones as well. Basically I want to make a metal compound that reacts like organic matter. It would be able, upon will, to pile around bones, create fibers, strengthening muscles ecc. Some could even carry other substances with them, or isolate toxic ones. Now their size and ability for diapedesis is still questionable. So far I can move them at a certain extend.” You swung your hand and the dust lifted off the floor cleanly in one swoop 

“That is amazing!” Bruce pitched his voice after seeing the floating cloud “Are you using some kind of device ?”

“No, this dust was modeled after me, I am the only guinea pig so no one was harmed in the making. I have to say though, it was quite painful till I got it right.” You laughed out uneasy, scratching your arm  

“ I could only imagine, taking your own tissue for this. What else could it do?”

“Well. I know that Mr. Stark isn’t into weapons anymore, so I pitched him the enhancing technique only. The dust’s only function right now sadly is shaping.” Your fingers danced as the vibranium cloud formed Captain America’s shield, before turning into a sword. “As long as I have enough information of structure, function and the way the object works I can make it.” Your footsteps were confidant and strong.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. the window if you please.”

Certainly Miss

   The clicking sound of the metal around the glass flung the object open. Your hand reached outside and pointed towards the sky. “My uncle had a deep interest in weapons so naturally I learned as well by listening to him.” The dust wrapped around your hand and formed a Heckler Koch pistols. With the pull of the trigger you shot into the air, making Bruce jump from the sound.

“I am sorry about that, I should have warned you.” You giggled stepping in

“That is a completely functional firearm. His breath normalized as his body took him right up to you, running his hands over the gun “ This is, something I can’t even imagine.” Eyes scanning every inch of it looking like a perfect mold “How does it look so solid? Smooth, no trace of it even being made from any smaller particle. ”

“Oh that, intra-atomic pressure. Kind of like gravity times 100 or more. If I pitched this to Mr.Stark I think the selling point would have been…”your fingers gently pulled the weapon out of Dr.Banner’s hand as the vibranium flew from the outside to the magazine “ It doesn’t run out of ammo since I call it back at anytime AND once in the body I can infest it.”

“It could travel through the blood stream and form clumps in certain organs!” he gasped

“I could have gone a bit more sadistic with this one, but I will stop talking now.” You laughed out sending your project back to its jar, securely tightened up. 

“How far is your limit? I mean is there a distance at which you can’t sense the partials, any mental fatigue or physical? You are amazing! This is something out of this world truly, no wonder Tony accepted your application. I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything closely resembling…wow.” He kept praising you each time his mouth opened

“Banner.” Light and confident footsteps accompanied the familiar playboy voice inside the lab

Welcome back Sir

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. medical bay on standby please.”

As you wish Sir

“I would appreciate it if you stepped back from my new intern and helped out a bit. We have injured coming in stat.” Tony waved his hand and Bruce pulled away from you, cleaning the couch on his side “You too miss intern. No slacking off just because it’s your first day. Treat it as orientation.”

“Yes Mr. Stark.” Panic rose up inside you again as you tried to follow what Dr. Banner was doing. Injured? Were the rest of the Avengers on a mission this whole time? It didn’t matter, you were mobilized as well and for a second it felt kind of cool, like you were also an agent fighting crime. The grunts and groans pulled you back to Earth as Captain America’s large frame stepped inside.  

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

Sunset Swerve - Part 3

Pairing: Luke x OC

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: none(?)

A/N: Me publishing back to back updates? More likely than you think. We’re finally through with episode 2! As always, let me know what you think and send me a message or ask if you want to be tagged in future chapters! Also, thank you to all who have left kind messages on the last few parts, I really appreciate it! Now back to your (ir)regularly scheduled fanfic. 

Part 2  Masterlist

___

“Let’s go, Moss,” Luke yelled and Jordan groaned, “Rise and shine.”

For what felt like the last few hours, Jordan had been curled up on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. They were all pretty certain that ghosts couldn’t sleep but Jordan felt exhausted from the day and she didn’t feel like exploring all night with the guys so she did her best to emulate the experience. At some point, she had reached a dream-like stupor, which she assumed was as close as she’d get to real sleep.

“Where exactly are we going?” She asked, rolling over to face the inside of the room and slowly opening her eyes.

She was met with the three boys much too close to comfort and staring at her. She screamed on instinct, sitting up quickly and pulling the blanket with her, holding it tightly to her chest. The guys started screaming too, the four ghosts momentarily thrown into chaos.

“You can’t do that to a girl!” Jordan admonished, standing up to slap each of their shoulders. “Give a girl some privacy!”

“You were sleeping on the couch,” Reggie pointed out and Jordan scowled.

“And you guys could’ve stood a respectful distance away!”

Reggie nodded, stepping back and raising his hands in surrender.

“C’mon, we don’t have time to keep arguing,” Luke complained, “We’re gonna be late!”

“Late for what?” Jordan asked, still having no clue what was going on.

“Julie’s gonna play for her teacher to get back into her music program!”

The guys had filled her in on the drama of Julie’s life the night before but she’d hadn’t heard anything about her playing today.

“That’s new,” she remarked and Luke grinned.

“It was my idea,” he seemed so proud of himself. “I convinced her last night.”

“So she’s going to ambush her music teacher?” Jordan asked, remembering Luke’s solution to everything when they were alive.

“The Sunset Curve way.” He grinned proudly and Jordan rolled her eyes.

“Teachers usually aren’t big fans of Ambush Mode,” she sighed but started to get ready anyway, gathering up a new outfit from the bag of her clothes she had found and making her way to the bathroom.

It was nothing too special, she was mostly just happy to be out of the clothes she had died in. The pair of high waisted mom jeans paired with her worn Rolling Stones t-shirt and her Doc Martens were much more comfortable. She kept the simple black choker she’d been wearing the day before and cuffed her jeans, deciding at the last minute to tie her hair back in a half up-do with a scrunchie. She was in and out of the bathroom in less than five minutes, though when she opened the door Luke looked like he had been about ready to start yelling for her to hurry up.

“So are we going to support Julie or what?” She asked, pulling her bag across her body while the guys just stood in place.

“Right, yeah, okay,” Alex said softly while Luke rolled his eyes, probably thinking up some snide comment about how she had been the one they were waiting on.

Surprisingly, he kept whatever he was thinking to himself as the four of them converged, all poofing out of the garage together.

___

Jordan didn’t know what she expected to see when she arrived at Julie’s high school but a collection of girls in brightly colored wigs and matching outfits singing and dancing in the gym was not it.

“Man, I miss high school,” she heard Reggie sigh and rolled her eyes. Boys.

Jordan turned to Alex, hoping the boy would have a similar reaction as her but as she looked to the blond she found him mimicking the choreography.

“Oh my gosh, yes Alex!” She cheered him on and he grinned before Luke elbowed him, shaking his hand in front of his neck to say ‘cut it out.’

They turned to see Julie, looking clearly disheartened and Jordan gave her an apologetic look.

“Julie!” She gasped excitedly, finally getting a good look at the girl. “That jumpsuit is so fly!”

She knew from their introduction yesterday that the young Latina had a great sense of style and the camo jumpsuit she was wearing today only served to further prove that.

Julie gave her a confused smile, like she wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not, and Jordan furrowed her brows trying to figure out why her compliment hadn’t been properly received.

“People don’t say ‘fly’ in 2020, do they?” She asked dejectedly and Julie shook her head.

“Okay well then that jumpsuit is so cool,” she modified and Julie smiled graciously.

Their attentions were drawn back to the gym floor as the girl group finished their performance.

“Thank you, thank you,” Jordan mocked the leader’s overly preppy voice and attitude and Julie laughed.

“What’re you waiting for?” Reggie asked after Julie’s friend had walked away and two women who Jordan assumed to be the principal and music teacher began speaking to the crowd. “This is your time!”

“Yeah. I mean, you look really nervous,” Alex observed concernedly, “Like yak-in-a-bowl nervous.”

“I just don’t think I had enough time to work on the song.” Julie addressed Luke.

“I wouldn’t have given you the song if I didn’t think you were gonna rock it!” Luke reassured her enthusiastically. “Now, there’s a piano on that stage with your name on it.”

The four watched as Julie nodded before running out of the gym to get to the stage door.

“You gave her one of your songs?” Jordan asked the guitarist curiously.

“Yeah, we never got a chance to record it but it’s perfect for her voice.”

“Which song?” Jordan asked. She may have hated the band but there was no denying that their music was good and she had heard plenty of it over the years.

“Bright.”

“Oh, I love that one,” Jordan gushed before she realized what she was saying and who she was talking too. “I mean, it’s not as good as any of Apollo 81’s stuff but,” she tried to brush it off though she knew she had failed.

Thankfully, the boys decided to let it go as Julie had just stepped up to the piano.

“You got this!” Luke called out and Julie smiled, taking a breath to steel her nerves before starting the song.

“Damn, you should’ve added a piano part to this years ago,” Jordan noted quietly as they listened to Julie play. Luke nodded, watching the girl with awe.

“We should play with her,” he said turning to look excitedly at the other boys before raising a brow at Jordan, silently inviting her to join them.

“I don’t know the song.”

“Please, a talented musician like you can figure it out.” He spoke like he was teasing her however his eyes held a sincerity that had her chest swelling with pride.

She rolled her eyes but nodded, the four of them exchanging grins before poofing to the stage just in time for the chorus.

“And rise through the night, you and I. we will fight to shine together, bright forever,” A surprised grin took over Julie’s face as they materialized with their instruments, Jordan deciding on filing the rhythm guitar part. Julie jumped up from the piano, immediately taking center stage. For someone who, as far as Jordan knew, had never been in a band, the girl sure knew how to rock a stage. She had a major stage presence. “And rise, through the night, you and I. We will fight to shine together, bright forever.”

It felt so good to be back on a stage performing that it took them all a minute to realize that Julie’s classmates could see them. They all shared looks of shock, Luke instructing them to ‘just go with it’ as he jumped in for the second verse.

“In times that I doubted myself, I felt like I needed some help. Stuck in my head, with nothing left.” Luke turned to look at Jordan, gesturing the girl over to his mic with a head nod and Jordan grinned. Her voice joined his vocals as Julie continued to rock out with Reggie and Alex. “I feel something around me now. So unclear, lifting me out. I found the ground, I’m marching on.”

Jordan stepped back in time for Reggie to take over for the pre-chorus, grinning as she watched the two boys perform together for the first time in twenty-five years. It felt like magic to be up on that stage with them, her own styles mixing with that of Sunset Curve and Julie. Luke wasn’t kidding when he said she was a powerhouse. The two had immediate chemistry as well, Julie walking him to center stage as he started the bridge, the two rocking out together before the rest of them joined in for the chorus once more. Jordan had never been happier to sing backup, the girl’s vocals were killer.

The song was over much too soon for Jordan’s tastes. She was still buzzing with adrenaline as she slung her guitar to the side, taking a bow with the group. However, before they could finish soaking up the applause they vanished, reappearing at the side of the stage.

“Oh god, how is she gonna explain that?” Jordan groaned, looking anxiously between the three guys who looked about as clueless as she did.

“Wait, were those holograms?” A girl called out from the crowd and Julie let out the breath she was holding, quickly affirming the girl’s suspicions.

“Holograms? Like in Star Wars?” Reggie questioned, eyes wide, “Those are real now?”

“Apparently,” Luke answered, seemingly also in disbelief. “That’s wild, that they could see us when we were playing but not when the music stopped.”

“Ooh, we should double-check!” Reggie said, climbing up the stairs before wiggling his butt in front of the unfazed crowd. “Yeah, I don’t think they can see us.”

“I wish I couldn’t see you.” Alex deadpanned and Jordan snorted.

The guys were swept away with the crowd of students as they were dismissed from the gym, Reggie eagerly attempting to get one of the multi-colored girl’s number. Jordan stuck back as Julie spoke to her teacher, wanting to know if the girl got back into her program. However, she too was sidetracked as a small boy walked off the stage with a string bass, dragging it carelessly down the stairs.

“Oh, hell no.” She gasped, aggressively lecturing the boy as she followed him out of the gym despite knowing he couldn’t hear her. “That is no way to treat such a gorgeous instrument!”

She only stopped her passionate rant when she hit the hallway and noticed the guys there staring at her like she was crazy.

“You know he can’t hear you, right?” Luke asked slowly, like if he spoke too aggressively she would become more unhinged.

“You should’ve seen him drag that bass down the stairs! It was criminal,” she explained, before shouting down the hall at the boy, “Criminal!”

“O-kay,” Luke said, dramatically looking away from her and making circles with his finger near his head to signal her craziness to the guys.

“You’re a real comedian, Patterson,” she responded dryly and Luke laughed.

“Anyway, let’s go find Julie and talk about what just happened!”

They wandered around the school trying to locate their living friend. It felt weird to be back in a high school, especially one that had been so different from her own. Unlike the guys, none of Apollo 81 had dropped out of school for the band. This meant that they’d had to continuously bust their asses to get gigs and stay on top of their schoolwork; they didn’t have all afternoon to practice like Sunset Curve but Jordan always felt like they were better for it. Still, high school seemed to have changed considerably in the twenty-five years since her death. For starters, they definitely didn’t have a music program like Julie’s, sure there was band class but Jordan learned most of her musical skills outside of the school building.

“There weren’t this many people dressed like animals when we were in high school, right?” Jordan asked after accidentally walking through one of said students.

“Definitely not.” Alex answered, looking just as confused as she felt.

She knew they were dressed up like the school’s mascot, a blue bobcat, but she just couldn’t figure out why.

“Julie!” She called out once they finally located the girl, “What’s with all girls dressed like bobcats?”

Luke elbowed her in the side, stepping in front of her.

“Who cares!” He exclaimed, as if the words were bursting out of him uncontrolled, “Are we not gonna talk about what happened?!”

“Yeah, the whole school saw you. It’s kinda freaking me out,” Julie said, sounding like she still hadn’t quite come to terms with it.

“Okay good, cause it’s kinda freaking me out too,” Alex started, talking and moving with a manic energy. “Y’know, you could see us, and now people can see us whenever we play music. And my clothes are made of air, but for some reason I’m still getting a wedgie.”

Luke patted the blond on the back sympathetically while Jordan leaned passed the boy to stare at Alex concernedly.

“Dude, are you okay?”  

“Nah,” Alex said airily, but waved off her concern.

“The important thing is that we rocked that place!” Luke interjected, rerouting the conversation. “They loved you!”

“Are you kidding?” Julie said excitedly, “They loved us!”

The group all shared proud smiles.

“That was a great song, Luke. Thanks,” Julie said sincerely and Luke grinned, blushing slightly.

“Did you see the cheerleaders looking at me? I think they were looking at me!” Reggie added excitedly and Luke grinned, matching his energy as the dark haired boy grabbed his face. “Please tell me they were looking at me.”

“Bro, they were looking at you!”

“Oh, I knew it!”

“I’m so- I’m so confused, y’know?” Alex spoke, taking the conversation back to his anxieties. “The afterlife should come with instructions, or a quick-start quite or something.”

“Seriously man, are you good?” Jordan asked again and Alex shrugged.

“Well, the good news is everyone thought you were holograms and I got back into the program.”

Julie’s announcement was met with a chorus of congratulations but the girl didn’t look very excited herself.

“Why do you look so bummed?” Reggie asked.

“Yeah, dude, you’re making this face,” Luke proceeded to do a poor reenactment of Julie’s expression.

“That is not my face,” Julie said pointedly and Jordan nodded in agreement while the guys all made noises of dissent, “And things just got weird between me and Flynn. She asked about you guys and I couldn’t say.”

“Sweet, girls are already talking about us,” Reggie said lowly and Luke high fived him.

“Stop it assholes,” Jordan sighed, smacking them both on the chest from her position between them. “This is serious!’

“Thanks Jordan,” Julie smiled sadly, “I can’t tell her about you guys for the same reason I can’t tell my dad; she’ll think I’ve gone off the deep end!”

“Well this dude definitely thinks you’ve gone off the deep-end,” Reggie said, pointing to the janitor who had just walked through Jordan. She shivered, still not used to the feeling of being made of air.

“I need to get to class,” Julie finally spoke once the disgruntled janitor had walked away.

“Later Julie,” Reggie called. “Ooh, and tell those cheerleaders I’m single!”

“Oh, and that he’s dead.” Alex quipped, earning a high five from Jordan.

“Nonono, leave that part out!” Reggie panicked. “Leave that- she’s gone.”

The rest of the group merely shook their heads at the boy’s antics before they all poofed home to the garage.

Part 4

___

Taglist: @oopsiedoopsie23

[theancientgeekoroman]

Hi! I just got my acceptance letter from Villanova today to attend their Classics graduate program in the fall! Do you have any advice?

Hi, there! I apologize for not seeing this earlier! 

All of the professors there are wonderful; I took most of my courses with Dr. DeNardis, Dr. Melanie Subacus, and Dr. Andrew Scott. I also had courses with Dr. Alissa Vaillancourt and Dr. Sarah Wahlberg.

The downside is there are usually limited choices of the courses for Fall and Spring, and they’re on a rotating basis. However, they do ask you at the end of each term what kind of courses you would like to see. Many of us requested a Gender & Sexuality course, which I got to take as a culture course. Which pathway are you choosing? The tracks VU has are Greek/Latin, Latin, and Classical Culture. I did the Culture track while I was there. 

When I attended, I took the following courses: 

Pompeii & Herculaneum (Culture)

History of Latin Literature (required, Latin)

Ancient Historiography (Culture)

Roman Elegy (Latin)

Roman Drama (Latin)

Gender & Sexuality of Ancient Greece & Rome (Culture)

Proseminar: Lucretius (Latin)

History of Greek Literature (required, Greek)

From Republic to Principate (Culture)

Plato (Greek)

Usually, between the 10 courses, you have four Latin, four Culture, and two Greek. History of Latin Literature and History of Greek Literature are required, but everything else is an elective. I put their designations according to the program next to them, but if you take it as a Culture track student, everything is in translation (you can opt to do the Latin and Greek comprehensive examinations as well if you want to do that, but again double-check with Dr. DeNardis about this!) 

Some advice for newer people going to Villanova: there’s not a thesis requirement because you make a portfolio with the final papers from History of Greek Literature, History of Latin Literature, and a course of your choosing. There are comprehensive examinations (make sure you find the reading list early to work on notes/studying before you get to the final semester! I found it late and was really overwhelmed. It should be in the general folder for your program.) BUT if you want to write a thesis (if you want to go for your PhD, I’d suggest inquiring about it because a lot of my writing samples from VU were too short of using), I’d ask Dr. DeNardis about the possibility of writing a thesis. Even if you’re not certain about what you’d like to write, she’s very good about guiding people and letting them talk through things. 

I did my entire degree as a distance student, so I can’t speak to how the campus was helpful, but as a distance student, you can request library books from Falvey for free, and they will send you a return slip that’s pre-paid for you to return the books. Also, request a student card from Villanova even if you’re a distance student! I did that because the local university where I lived would let us use our own university card to get into their library. There are a lot of good online resources both through the university library and in general. If you’re a distance student and can go to your local university library or access their collections, make sure to ask for a guest login, and you can use their digital collections. 

Villanova also has optional modern language exams. Again, you don’t have to do these, but if you want to do a PhD, it might be a good idea to do at least one. They offer French, Italian, and German tests. You can do one, two, and yes, I actually asked about this, all three if you really want to, but I would suggest if you do that, to request each modern exam at the beginning of a separate semester, so you’re not overwhelmed by more than one of them at a time. 

That’s all I can think of right now, but please feel free to ask me any more specific questions as you have them!    

[thisspaceintentionallyleftblank]

Try, Try Again (pt. 12)

(Cpt 1) | (Cpt 11) ||  (AO3)

Chapter 12 (2953 words)

There’s this cool movie, the kind that even older kids don’t usually get to watch, where a bunch of evil space aliens show up, eat people, and ruin everything. You know it’s hardcore because the poster has the tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream.”

Now, an angsty teen seeing this poster hanging over the horror movie section of the film store might assume that the screams in question are going unheard on account of everybody getting eaten by aliens. 

This however, is not completely true. 

Within the scientific community, experts agree that - evil aliens aside - sound simply cannot travel through space. Unlike light or heat, sound waves travel by causing surrounding particles to vibrate until some of these particles happen to smack into someone else’s eardrums.

So, if you happened to be aboard a spaceship whose engines have just imploded, ripping massive holes in the hull, forcibly venting the atmosphere, and leaving you hopelessly adrift in the vacuum of space, then there would be no particles left for your screams to vibrate. 

This again, is not completely true. 

Even in space, there are a few things left which can transmit sound - namely, the human skeleton. Microscopic vibrations are capable of traveling through the skull, from the jaw up to the tiny bones within the ear. This is the same principle behind those delightful singing toothbrushes, and is the reason why your voice always sounds different in recordings. 

The point here is that the truest thing to say, would be that in space, no one can hear you scream except yourself. 

Of course, this particular detail was of little importance to Emmet Brickowski as he found himself hurtling through the void of space, his own panicked wails ringing in his ears. 

The noise stopped abruptly as he slammed into ground, knocking the wind out of himself. He bounced at least three times, each impact as jarring as the first. Eventually though, his momentum dissipated and he began to slide on his back, leaving clean streaks in the dust and dirt before skidding to a stop in some kind of dark, cavernous space.

It was quiet here, and for a moment, that came as a comfort to Emmet. 

Then, with a mounting sense of dread, he took note of his leaden limbs and uncooperative vocal cords. 

He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He was paralyzed - a sensation both alarming and familiar. 

“I’ve been here before,” he thought. And, while he didn’t recognize his immediate surroundings, the sentiment still rang true. 

Years ago, he’d leapt from Lord Business’s tower into the Abyss below. His memory of the fall was vague, perhaps due to the time that had passed since or to the surreal, ephemeral nature of the fall itself. His memory of the place he’d found himself afterwards was much stronger. Just like now, he’d lain paralyzed on the ground, an unwitting witness to the events unfolding around him. 

He’d eventually escaped from that place, sent back by one of its strange inhabitants. 

Emmet stared up at the vast thing looming over him, unable to turn or look anywhere else. A cold voice in the back of his mind asked how any of those beings would be able to find him here. 

“It’s okay,” he told himself. “The raptors sent me out on this mission. They'll notice that I’m gone. They’re the ones that pre-programmed the flightplan, so they’ll already know where to look.”

At the time, he’d thought it was weird how the raptors had been rushing him around, especially considering that the ship seemed like it had been prepped a while ago. They’d been in such a hurry that no one had even explained what this new mission was or why none of the crew could come with. 

Emmet’s lips twitched in an attempted frown. His past concerns all felt so trivial in the light of this new situation.   

“They’ll find me soon,” he tried again to reassure himself. “I just have to be patient.” 

---

Ironically, Emmet found himself thinking about Vitruvius pretty regularly. 

It was ironic considering that Vitruvius was the only one of his friends that couldn’t possibly come to his rescue. Regardless, he was the one at the start of all this, and so Emmet’s thoughts routinely returned to the old man and his “fake but real” prophecy. 

Vitruvius had understood that these states were not mutually exclusive - a clarity granted to him after spending countless hours meditating, dwelling on the nature of the universe, and occasionally napping in a super enlightened manner. Trapped here in Undar, Emmet had nothing better to do than meditate himself, and as a result, he was beginning to better understand the truth that Vitruvius had seen. 

“The only thing anyone needs to be special is to believe that you can be,” Vitruvius had told him. “I know that sounds like a cat poster, but it’s true.”

The cat poster, like most things, existed somewhere beyond Emmet’s current prison - out of sight and out of reach. But, even here, he clung to his ability to believe.

The thing about belief is that its power is firmly rooted in the mind. It is something that you choose to do, and by choosing, you give power to the belief. 

These beliefs can be personal - like a New Year’s resolution. You convince yourself that you will eat better or exercise more and, as long as you remain committed to that belief, the resolution maintains its power. 

Beyond that though, there are many things in the world maintained only by the power of collective belief. Things like laws and money might seem like indisputable facts of nature, but in fact, their strength depends on society considering them as such. 

Take language for example. We know that every word was at some point invented by a person but, if everyone simultaneously started making up their own words instead of using those commonly agreed upon, then conversing might get eh fideckal discvanger upso.

It’s like the prophecy - something simultaneously made up and real. 

At first, Emmet was comfortable with this realization. It gave him a sense of comradery, this idea that society was based on mutual agreement and trust. But, the longer that he ruminated, the more that these thoughts ate at him. After all, the power of belief could only go so far…  

The thing about belief is that it can’t go beyond the mind. Believing that 2 plus 2 equals 5 won’t make your math teacher give you back points on your exam. Believing that you can fly won’t suddenly cause the laws of gravity to flip. 

Believing that your friends will come save you won’t make them appear. 

As time passed, Emmet felt the weight of this truth sink further and further into his chest. Here in Undar, he was quite literally trapped in his own mind. But, as he continued contemplating his situation, he began thinking that maybe he always had been. 

Maybe that’s why the other Apocalypseburgers had been tougher than him. Maybe they’d already recognized the lies inherent to the concept of belief. Maybe they’d all seen the truth of the world while Emmet just kept clinging to stupid things like instructions and turn signals. 

He lived in the world of belief - either too naive or too afraid to face reality, to face the fact that maybe just believing that you are special, that you are worthwhile, that you are loved… doesn’t make any of those things true. 

But now, trapped here, staring helplessly upwards into the maw of the machine above, he had no choice. Now reality screamed at him in the wind, and there was no amount of belief that could save him. 

---

“What are you going to do with him?”

The voice, muffled by the thick cell door, snapped Rex out of his reminiscing. 

Taped to the prison wall, Rex found himself slipping into thoughts about Undar far more easily than he was comfortable with. It made sense, considering that he was once again trapped and motionless, an unwilling witness to his friends talking, laughing, and joking with each other just beyond his reach.

The familiarity burned, a deep, hot ache in his chest. He pressed his eyes closed and forced himself to breathe, struggling to maintain his composure. 

He’d escaped from Undar, and he knew he could escape from this prison too. It was just a question of time, and if there was anything that he’d learned in Undar, it was patience.

He started trying to free his hands again. They were taped across his chest, his fingers tucked into his armpits. With every attempt to move, he could feel the fine hairs on his arms being ripped out. It hurt like heck, but it was only physical pain and so Rex could push past it.  

Dimly, he noticed the sound of the door opening. His eyes flashed open, and he forced himself to be still.

Lucy walked in, leveling a hateful gaze his way. Clearly, he thought, she was still upset about his little trick.

“Okay, listen,” Lucy started, her voice rusty. “I don’t know what your deal is, but I know that Emmet doesn’t deserve to get caught up in all this.”

She walked up to the Tape-estry, resting a hand on its edge. “Just tell us where he is,” she said, peeling the corner back slightly, “and maybe we’ll let you go.”

Rex frowned. If the others rescued Emmet from Undar, then things would play out like they had in the last timeline - except that this time, he’d be trapped and unable to access the flux capacitor. Rex wasn’t sure what would happen to him in a “Rex-less” timeline, but… he had a hypothesis. 

“Tough luck, sister,” he spat. “I think you'll find I’m a pretty tough nut to crack.”  

“Oh, you’re nutty for sure.” Lucy sneered, resealing the edge of the tape. 

She turned her back to the prisoner, stepping away as if to leave. Rex’s pulse sped up at the thought, and he cursed his treacherous heart. 

She stopped in the middle of the room, getting just enough distance to try and clear her head. She was certain that Rex was their only hope of finding Emmet. Benny may be able to track his ship, but that was less than useless if Emmet wasn’t on said ship. 

But how could she get Rex to talk? She knew nothing about the man except that he was dangerous and cruel. It seemed like he knew Emmet, but she just couldn’t understand how anyone familiar with her special best friend could do something as heartless as kidnapping him, or worse.

“Can you...” She started. “Can you at least tell me why Emmet?” 

Rex shrugged, wincing as the thoughtless motion caused the tape to pull at his skin again. “To protect him from all of you.”

“From… us?” She stepped back, physically shaken by the utter ridiculousness of the idea. “From his own friends? We wouldn’t hurt Emmet. We- we miss him! We just want him back! Want him to be safe!”

“You don’t want him back.” Rex muttered, exhausted by how obvious it all was. “You guys don’t even like him.” 

“How would you know?” Lucy hissed. “You don’t know us! You don’t know Emmet!”

“I am Emmet.” Rex stated flatly, the confession coming easier than he would have expected. 

Lucy’s fists clenched at her sides. She scowled, forcing herself to ignore the way her nails bit into her palms. “You’re an idiot if you think I’m falling for that again.” 

“I mean, I was Emmet. ” He replied dryly. “It’s time travel stuff, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Emmet could never do the things you've done. He would never lie… never hurt people.” 

“If you want,” Rex pressed on. “I could prove it. I could tell you something that only Emmet would know...”

Lucy didn’t turn. She couldn’t let him see the way his words wormed into her brain. She knew Rex was an imposter, a liar, but… she couldn’t deny that she wanted to hear what he’d say next.

“Like what?”

Rex smiled, the scent of blood in the air as the prey lumbered into a well placed trap. 

“I could tell you that he liked his coffee with just a touch of cream and 26 sugars.”

“Lots- Lots of people know that.”

“I could tell you that, back before the world ended - the first time that is - he told you that you were the first person to ever tell him that he could be special.”

Lucy kept her eyes pointed down. “That’s not proof, he could have tol-”

“I could tell you that I loved you.” Rex answered, his voice increasing in volume, the raw intensity of the sentiment overpowering his usual stoicism. “Even long after you stopped loving me. Even after you left me behind.”

Lucy whirled around, her face dark with rage. “How DARE yo-” 

She stopped abruptly, staring at the trapped man in shock. She was so ready to be angry, but the pain and grief on Rex’s face was dreadfully genuine.

“Why wasn’t I good enough?” Rex screamed, his voice cracking under the strain. “Why?” “Why wasn’t I good enough to come back for?” At some point, he’d stopped forcing his voice and it had slipped back into something unmistakably like Emmet’s, though Lucy had never heard Emmet like this. 

“S-Stop talking like that! You’re not Emmet.” She pressed her fists into her temples, trying to convince herself as much as Rex. “You’re just a vindictive jerk!”

“Well, Emmet wasn’t good enough either was he?!” Rex roared.

“I-” Her voice trembled. “You don't know what you’re talking abo-”

Rex laughed mirthlessly, interrupting her. He was rapidly losing his composure, but couldn’t seem to care. He managed to find a point of vulnerability, a chink in her armor. “Soft little Emmet… that poor, sweet guy. What a Hufflepuff he was. What a stupid loser he was.”

“Hey!” Lucy spat. “You don’t get to talk about him like that.” 

“But everyone else does?” Rex met her eyes, pinning her in place with his steely gaze. “But you do?”

“I don't….”

“What,” Rex asked in a low voice, “was the last thing you talked to Emmet about? Your Emmet? The real Emmet?”

Lucy froze. The last time she’d seen Emmet had been over a week ago, and the memory came to her slowly. He’d asked her yet again if he could come with her on a patrol, hadn’t he… which meant that…

“I told him that he couldn’t come with me.” Lucy droned, almost mechanically. “I told him that he wasn’t tough enough for patrols…”

“Exactly.”

“But that's not the same thing!” Lucy cried. Pricks burned at her eyes. “I was trying to protect him. Telling him that he's not tough isn’t the same as calling him a loser!”

“It is if you hear it enough.”

Rex’s voice was soft. Lucy took a pause. It was a hard thought to come to terms with.

“You… really are him, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Rex pushed. “And that’s why you need to trust that what I’m doing is in his best interest. If you go after Emmet,” Rex looked her directly in the eyes, “you'll only hurt him more.”

The tears started now. Lucy could do little more than tremble as they coursed down her cheeks. 

“Okay,” she whispered, no fight left in her voice.  

She stepped forward, and pulled Rex free from the tape. As he stepped down, he stretched out, flexing feeling back into his arms and legs. He turned towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“You made the right choice, Lucy.”

She shivered and watched him leave.

---

The winds had started up again, a persistent, rumbling thunder that shoved any thoughts out of his mind. 

If Emmet could have cried, he would have.

There was another sound somewhere in the distance, and Emmet braced himself for another one of those terrible, crawling monsters to appear. 

The sound came again, closer and clearer this time. It was a high-pitched droning noise, and with a flash, Emmet recognized it as the whine of an engine.

The drone cut off, abruptly replaced by the whirr of a docking mechanism and the hiss of an opening airlock. 

His heart soared in his chest. He knew the raptors would come for him. He knew it!

Unable to look over, Emmet strained his ears, listening for footsteps or voices, willing them to come closer. 

A sudden fear struck him. What if they didn't find him? This place was huge and dark, and, unable to move or speak, Emmet had no way to signal them. Frantically, he tried to move, to scream.

His arm twitched. 

It wasn’t a lot, but it was more than he’d been able to do before. 

His resolve strengthened, Emmet redoubled his efforts. He tried harder than he’d ever tried anything before. 

His leg kicked, followed by a flick of a wrist and a twist of his neck. Slowly but surely, he regained some kind of control over his body. He grunted, instantly delighted by the sound of his own voice. 

In his self sustained commotion, he failed to notice the sound of approaching footsteps. 

“THERE HE IS!” The voice that rang out was muffled, likely by a helmet, but Emmet still vaguely felt like he should recognize it. 

A figure ran up to him, kneeling at his side. They reached down, taking his hand. Instinctively, Emmet grasped back, not even noticing how much easier the motion had become. 

“DO NOT WORRY,” the speaker continued. They loomed over him, a set of glowing green eyes peering out of the darkness. “WE ARE HERE TO RESCUE YOU, GROMMET!”

[ustadjeeonline-blog]

some Critical Best Practices for On the web Teaching: Be Prepared

Ustad Jee Online

We are in an unprecedented time using higher education being disrupted, while traditional classes are being transferred online, at least for the time being. Regardless of whether this will continue for any time period remains to be seen. This has taken place at an interesting time for area of distance learning as many from the for-profit schools have sealed, and the growth of new on the web schools has slowed. The volume of online schools growing is fixed, and competition comes from classic schools offering online classes.

Ustad Jee Online

Which has a move of traditional instructional classes to an online platform, you will find a challenge for many educators for you to adapt to a virtual natural environment. Those educators who instruct in this environment already, for instance myself, are already accustomed to setting up a virtual presence. However , when online teaching can be gratifying for those who can adapt to this, there are many demands for education in this environment, and it can always be quite challenging at times. Whether new to online teaching and also have extensive experience, you will find just about the most important measurements is the end-of-course student evaluation. You will also seen by completion of the required facilitator obligations, which typically includes engagement in class discussions and comments for learning activities.

To assist you to prepare for the requirements of on the net teaching, there are critical guidelines you can implement to ensure you are generally effectively and substantively done your class. These are the merchandise of my work as a web educator, along with my job in faculty development, and have been reviewed by the strictest involving standards and applying these types of standards to faculty I've evaluated. You can use these best practices being a checklist for the development of your personal online teaching practice, it doesn't matter how long you've taught classes online.

Online Instructor Essentials

The method that you manage your time and the regular schedule you create can ultimately determine how successful you might be as an online educator. Both the tasks which are going to take those most amount of time are category discussions and feedback. If you don't allow enough time for these responsibilities, and you fall behind, you are going to experience rushed when trying to finish what is required of a person. The ultimate result is either getting minimal participation, minimal responses, or both. A feeling of currently being rushed may also show up in the disposition as well, if you turn out to be agitated when there is not enough the perfect time to complete the required tasks or even deadlines are nearing. Your own personal students will sense this kind of, even in an online environment, and there is subtle cues which display in the word choices used in on the internet posts and messages.

Something more important to consider is the contract an individual agree to when you become a school member and accept a category commitment. You need to take the time to assessment the faculty expectations, specifically if you are new to the school, to be certain you know all details about functionality requirements. Should you have any inquiries, it is best to contact your Department Lounge chair or supervisor. The most important timeline requirements involve giving an answer to learner questions, regardless of how shared or sent. You will likely get audits and/or performance opinions, and when you do, use this tool as a means of self-development to help you continue to learn and expand.

Making a Transition: From Classic to Online Teaching

For people who teach in a traditional school room and now must teach on-line, there will be a learning shape which will happen quickly. The initial adaptation is becoming used to the actual technology platform or LMS, and discovering the technical tools which can enhance the mastering experience. The most significant challenge intended for traditional educators, who are new to teaching online, is getting together with learners who are not noticeably present. The lack of visual tips can be overcome at times when a webinar is integrated into your classmates program. However , for most in the class, it is functioning without having a live class and aesthetic or verbal cues. At this point the words posted become the principal form of communication and this helps it be much more challenging to assess the particular intent or meaning connected with what is being stated, especially when a learner has difficulties with academic writing.

Precisely what an online educator must sooner or later learn, often through some practice, is he or she is a single who must keep the class interested, not the course elements. If a learner is not make an effort to participating or is not found in class, it is the instructor who have must work to re-engage the learner, and do and so within a timely manner, for a disengaged learner may rapidly become dropped from the study course. This means learners are looking for, and sometimes expecting, their instructors being highly engaged and contained in the course, and conscious of their needs. An instructor cannot journal onto their class a couple of times a week and hope this really is sufficient. There must be ongoing as well as active involvement to retain an online class, and work towards the developmental of the requirements of all learners.

6 Important Best Practices for Online Instructing: Be Prepared

What follows are best routines you can implement now, regardless of length of time you've taught on the web. If you have implemented some or perhaps all of them already, you can use this a checklist to advise yourself of what's necessary for your work as an educator.

Ideal Practice #1. Become the Assist Your Learners Need

Any time learners enroll in a class, they can be likely aware of their failures already. When you begin the process of suggestions and note those inadequacies, it may only serve to further more confirm they are not capable of doing well in their academic studies. That is why you must take a supportive method to your feedback and the tutorial approach used as you connect to your learners. Consider at the same time the fact you and your students are separated by long distance, or as I call that, the distance factor. Your enrollees are going to read what you posting and share before you at any time have an opportunity to explain the idea, which means everything you write will need to have a supportive tone on it. How you write, along with that which you write, can and will identify the future of the learner, plus the effort he or she will keep in your class. Find whichever way you can to be the assist your learners need by using time to read what they write-up and write, and admit them as learners.

Finest Practice #2. Develop a Way of thinking Which Encourages Positivity

You could have likely read about nurturing a rise mindset in learners, and this also can occur even in your grown-up learners, provided the conditions in the online class are favorable to do so. This is not just a response to a beautiful LMS or scientific tools, it occurs any time an instructor has a disposition and also mindset which encourages positivity. This means you have become aimed at your learners and you carry out strategies to encourage and uplift them. In my post, Learn 5 Essential Learner-Centered Approaches for Online Instructors, I mentioned my use of videos to get feedback. I also use limited videos to encourage individuals as well, along with small paper prints I create to uplift them.

There will be times when you experience challenged, especially when a spanish student sends an email and visages their frustration in an annoying manner. The most effective strategy to acquire when you have a negative reaction is usually to write in a Word document, subsequently step away for a few short minutes to regain your balance. If you return, you will likely be able to target once again and better help the learner. When you make an environment which feels good, from the perspective of the pupil, you have managed to accomplish another goal: You have helped humanize the learning experience. This also helps take the distance factor outside of distance learning.

Best Practice #3. Be a Leader in Academics Writing

Many educators aren't hired because they are professional copy writers. Regardless of the academic writing ability you possess, consider this to be a constant area of development. I use anything document to develop my debate posts, to help ensure We've managed the mechanics. What you wish to remember is that your scholars are watching what you article in discussions and create as you provide feedback. When there are numerous academic writing issues, this may send a merged message if your feedback stresses academic writing errors typically the learner has made. If your institution offers resources within an on the net writing center, this may be of great benefit for you and any student who needs further advancement. If these resources are generally not immediately available for you, there are many online language resources you can find. You want to lead the way having academic writing and show your own personal learners you take it just like seriously as you enforce the item when feedback is presented to them.

Best Practice #4. Become a Master of Your Study course Materials

What I've mastered over time about course prep is the need to learn my training materials. When a course is usually pre-developed for you, it may seem most is needed is to join often the discussions and participate, then provide feedback based upon the actual written rubric. However , this is certainly far from what is required for training course preparation. Every instructor have to review the course resources thoroughly and completely, in the same way a starting point, in order to be able to engage in class discussions in a substantial manner and provide substantive opinions. More importantly, ongoing development signifies reading and finding solutions related to the course matters, as the use of supplemental solutions will help provide context on your discussion posts and the comments you develop. When you end up being the master of your course components, you are creating additional learning chances for your learners.

Best Process #5. Be Determined to Get a Lifelong Learner

As you are mingling with your learners, and you recall why you love to teach, you happen to be encouraging them to develop a enjoy of learning. If you want to come to be even more effective in this technique, you can continue to cultivate your own personal determination to become a lifelong novice. While you may not be a spanish student now, you can find professional improvement opportunities of your own. Many academics institutions encourage or call for educators to publish, and this offers a very good opportunity to conduct investigation into areas you are interested in mastering. There are many affiliations you can also enroll in and likely find webinars to go to. What I've done like a Modern Educator is to compose online articles and web sites, as a means of continuing my analysis and writing, even if I am just not publishing in an public academic capacity. It nonetheless allows me to share my expertise and expertise, while attaching with other educators, sharing tips, information, and strategies.

Greatest Practice #6. Establish a Normal of Excellence

Over time you may evaluate and refine your own instructional practice. It will be a result of what has been successful, the particular strategies which have not provided you well, lessons you could have learned (some the right way yet others by mistake), and most significant of all, feedback you have got from learners in many distinct forms. Typically the feedback My spouse and i learn most from arises within the classroom, as I consider new strategies and obtain replies in response. There is a excessive standard I have established with regard to myself. At the beginning of my find employment as an educator I was very hard about myself when I made errors. But now with time and process under my belt, I realize both successes and blunders have served me nicely. It is not possible to become a best online educator without having educated for some time and even then, you'll still must be open to learning along with development as learner requires evolve. I can state along with certainty the needs of students today are different than we were holding 15 years ago when I first acquired my start. But developing a standard of excellence presents me a sense of reputation to myself and makes selected I am working to the best associated with my abilities.

I properly understand there are many inherent problems associated with online teaching, and the most are related to time and less direct contact with learners. Still I've found it can be a very satisfying experience because I am capable of getting to know my learners superior to I ever could within a traditional classroom. This may seem unusual to someone who has by no means taught online, who perceives learners face-to-face, but this perspective comes from being able to control each and everyone of them inside a discussion, getting to know them by way of weekly learning activities, and interesting with them through direct interaction. While I am separated via my learners, I have found instruments to bridge this distance and replace the distance which has a virtual presence. Now with these kinds of six critical strategies, I am able to further assure learners Therefore i'm there to support them and the progress in a nurturing, optimistic, and supportive manner. When you can take this approach yourself, you could possibly and your learners will find on the internet learning to be a viable in addition to enjoyable form of education.

[war-sword]

the ilvermorny exchange (4)

part 4 | index | masterlist

summary: you’re an Ilvermorny student, and you’ve applied to the International Magic Student Exchange Program to attend your sixth year at Hogwarts instead. You and your friends are excited to go to school overseas, but a certain blonde prefect has decided to personally make your exchange year suck. You decide to give him a taste of his own medicine. (draco x reader, enemies to lovers, female reader) words: 5,795 (these keep getting longer and longer lol) A/N: GANG we’re back. lol sorry this took a long time i have worked it all out tho now. also you’ll be happy to know there will be one more part after this, and it will be out this weekend! get hype. taglist: @tragically-cordelia @mhftrs @2pumpkin-pasty @gingerlouisgirl @seriouslynotfunny @clockworkherondale @cherrie511 @songforhema @marvelrose

Your two-week winter break at home seemed to drag on forever. While you were certainly excited to be back in your own bed in your own house, eating your mother’s delicious home cooking, you were having the familiar feeling of missing something. It always came on when you came home for breaks. Living at a boarding school and having roommates nine months out of the year had you used to constantly seeing people, and being in your empty house with only your parents was a lot less action and excitement than you were used to.

That, and you were thinking about what a certain blonde British boy was doing on his vacation.

By the time new years had passed, you were bouncing off the walls ready to get back to Hogwarts. On January 5th, you all met at Ilvermorny to take the portkey back to Scotland.

“Alex! Merry-Late-Christmas!”

“Aw, Merry-Late-Christmas to you, too!” She responded as you embraced.

“Hey, we’re both wearing our necklaces! Cuteeee.” You pointed to the matching golden disks around each others necks. They had an engraving of your zodiac signs, that were charmed to move. Alex’s fish that represented Pisces swam in slow circles across the disk.

“Best idea we’ve ever had.” She stated. “You excited to get back?”

“Uh-huh,” you said, trying to sound casual. “I’m prepared this time. Mom sent me with a bunch of cookie recipes.”

“Fuck yeah.”

After giving more post-holiday hugs to the rest of your exchange group, you all grabbed ahold of the portkey and landed on the Hogwarts Express station like last time, where Hagrid was waiting yet again. On the carriage ride over, you were nearly vibrating with excitement and nervousness all at once. You and Draco hadn’t exchanged letters at all over break, so you weren’t quite sure how your first meeting was going to go. You’d agreed it would be good to make it seem like you’d called a truce on your aggressive fighting around other people, but you weren’t sure how that meant you could say hi to him once you got there. A wave? Just a smile? Maybe nothing?

It seemed you would have to wait until later. Other students were also arriving, and the castle was bustling with people running to their common rooms and reuniting in the halls. You and the rest of your friends dragged your bags up to the west towers towards your tapestry. After a bit of unpacking and changing back into your Hogwarts robes, you made your way down to the hall for dinner.

“Alex! Y/n!” A group of familiar voices called. You and Alex turned around on the moving staircase to see the trio running up to you.

“It’s HHR!” You and Alex said, pronouncing the acronym like “her”.  Hermione grabbed the both of you into a hug before either of the boys could.

“Did you guys have a brilliant Christmas?”

“Yes! Look at our necklaces.” You brought yours up for her to look at and she ooh’d.

“Oi, I want a hug,” Ron complained. Alex squeezed both boys, lifting them clean off the floor as she hugged them. Your hugs were more gentler.

You all walked into the great all together, Ron and Harry telling a tale of something that happened at the Burrow over the break that involved family Quidditch. You were mostly tuning it out, your eyes scanning the Slytherin table across the hall for a familiar quiff of bleach-blonde hair. You frowned, wondering how you could be missing him when he had such a distinct-

There. Storm grey eyes caught yours, and the distance between the tables disappeared. You couldn’t help the smile that broke out across your face, and he didn’t hold back his either.

The moment was gone too quickly. Alex grabbed your robe sleeve and pulled you into the seat next to her, your back to the Slytherin table. You tried to settle down, barely fighting off the urge to turn back around in your seat just to get another look at him. Merlin, what had gotten into you? Barely a month ago you would’ve been glad to not see him for a whole meal, and here you were, sat with your friends at the dinner table while the ghost of his hands pressed into your back. You took a deep, clarifying breath, and made yourself focus.

Dumbledore made his announcements. You all filled up on roasted vegetables and mashed potatoes with gravy, and the mince pie you’d gotten to tolerate. Once or twice you turned around under the guise of stretching your back. ...Maybe three times.

When dinner was over Harry invited you and Alex back to the Gryffindor common room to hang out. You both agreed, and you promised to come as soon as you finished unpacking. Back in your dorm, you pulled off your cloak and tie to change into a more cozy sweatshirt. When you sat on your bed to change into some pants, you heard a crunch.

“What the hell?” You lifted up you thigh and pressed on your robe. The crunch came again. You felt around on your robe and dug a hand into the pocket, coming up with a folded square of parchment. There, in familiar looping cursive, was a note that read ‘Meet me on the fourth floor behind the lake tapestry at eight’.

Heat rose in your cheeks. That sneaky bastard! You quickly shoved the note back under your uniform and put on your leggings.

“You ready?” Alex’s voice made you jump.

“Uh, actually, I might pass,” you said, feeling a little bad as you lied. “I think I ate too much and I just want to lie down. Or maybe take a walk,” you added quickly. “Tell HHR I said sorry.”

“Alright, I hope you feel better.” Alex kissed the crown of your head and left the dorm. You checked your watch- it was already seven forty-five, and you had a tapestry to find.

You waited what you felt was a sufficient amount of time to put distance between you and Alex before heading out. You turned another corner, scanning the walls with your eyes for a tapestry with a lake. When was Draco going to figure out that this castle was too damn big for such arbitrary instructions?

“Where do you think you’re going?” A loud voice rang out from behind you that made your heart skip a beat. You turned slowly on the ball of your heel, already trying to come up with an excuse for your wandering.

Instead of a teacher, a familiar devious smile graced the face of Draco Malfoy.

“Asshole.” You grinned.

Draco opened his arms and you ran into them. His arms firmly wrapped around your waist, and he picked you up and spun you around in a circle. Your face was buried in the crook of his neck, and the smell of his cologne and shampoo filled your nose. When he finally put your feet back on the ground and he tried to pull away, you held on and rocked the two of you side to side for a moment. “Hiiiiiiiiiii,” you giggled.

“Hiiiiiiiiiii,” he said back, mimicking your tone. You finally pulled back, and found his grey eyes alight with excitement even in the dim corridor. He kissed your forehead, his hands coming up to cup both sides of your face. You sighed, looping your arms around his neck.

“Did you have a nice break?” You asked, moving to nip at his jawline.

“Mm, could’ve been better,” he hummed, his thumb brushing your cheek as you planted another kiss on his neck, before moving towards his lips. “Ah! Not here. Tapestry.” He pulled just out of your reach.

“Not my fault you picked a place I don’t know about.”

“You were close, come, it’s just down this way.” Draco untangled himself from you and took your hand.

“Carry me?” You asked sweetly.

He sighed. “Fine. Hop up.”

You rode piggyback style down the hall, shoving your face into Draco’s hair as he walked. “Your shampoo is so nice,” you mumble. “I wanna smell your hair all the time.

“Thank you, I suppose. Hey, are you biting me!” He laughed as your tapped your teeth against his head.

“No, but maybe I will.” You leaned down and gently bit on Draco’s neck, the bit of skin between the collar of his sweater and his hair. You flicked your tongue across his skin and you heard him take in a sharp breath through his nose.

“You can’t wait two seconds can you?” Draco let you down and pulled aside the tapestry. You were surprised to see this one had a window behind it, bright moonlight illuminating the space behind the thick cloth. Draco spun you around in front of the window and dropped the edge of the tapestry behind him, sealing you off from the hall.

You grabbed his hands and pulled him towards you again, attaching your lips back onto his jaw. Draco’s hands came to rest on your hips, his thumbs tracing circles on the skin just above the waistband of your leggings.

“I thought about you all holiday,” he whispered as your lips traveled down his neck, your nail tracing patterns on the opposite side.

“I thought about you, too,” you said between kisses.

Draco dipped his head down, and you found yourself level with his mouth instead of his collarbone. Your lips met in a much anticipated kiss. It felt like the time between your last kiss with Draco had been even longer than your last kiss with your ex.

You tangled your hands into Draco’s fine hair, and his voice rumbled in pleasure, his fingers digging into your back. In the back of your mind you were acutely aware that you were making out with Draco Malfoy, a fact that was still hard to believe some times. You’d spent most of your break wondering if you’d just imagined the feel of his body pressed against yours, but now that you were back together it felt better than you’d remembered.

You turned your bodies so Draco’s back was to the wall, and pushed him gently down so he was sitting on the edge of the window sill with you between his legs. It was a high window, but it made your bodies more in line since he was a bit taller than you. You undid the top two buttons of his uniform shirt, and his hands traveled further up under your sweatshirt. He sighed, letting his head lean back against the glass as you peppered kisses across his collarbone. Time for some payback.

You kissed until your lips were swollen. You didn’t check your watch to look at the time, but it had certainly been a while. Now, you just stood against each other in a loose hug, Draco’s chin resting on the top of your head while you both gazed out the window and talked.

“I hope you didn’t give me any love bites above my collar, or I’ll kill you.” Draco said.

“Nah, I was careful,” you promised. “Better watch yourself in the Quidditch changing rooms, though.”

Draco let out a short laugh. “Noted.”

You lapsed back into comfortable silence for a moment before you spoke again. “Draco, what are we gonna do when classes start? We’ll have homework and I can’t just be leaving the dorms every night to take a walk or Alex will start getting suspicious. I can’t hide much from her.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll come up with something,” Draco said comfortingly. “We’ll still see each other  during the day. Maybe we can go to Hogsmead together on Saturdays by ourselves.”

“Mmm, I do love chocolate,” you sighed.

“Me too.” Draco moved to kiss the top of your head. “Tell me more things I don’t know about you.”

You thought for a moment. “Let’s see… I’m from _______ back in the states, so that’s why my accent is so thick. I have no siblings. My mom’s a herbologist but the only thing she was able to teach me about plants was potions. And because I’m pretty decent at that I’m not bad at cooking. I absolutely hate riding brooms, but I love to ride horses.”

Draco pulled back to look at you, surprise painting his face. “You hate riding brooms? Why?”

“They’re scary!” You counter. “Those things are dangerous. You’re on a piece of magical wood that’s about as finicky as a new wand. I don’t trust them,” you huff.

Draco throws back his head and barks a laugh. “Are you serious? Did you ever learn to ride a broom properly? You have way more control over a broom than a horse.”

“Of course I learned, I was just shit at it so I stopped. Besides, horses are easier when you can talk to them.”

Draco’s eyes widened. “You can talk to horses?”

You nod. “I can talk to regular animals, but not magical ones."

“And how did this fact not take precedence over you knowing how to cook.”

You roll your eyes. “I forget some people don’t know that.”

“Right,” Draco teases back. “I’ll teach you how to ride a broom if you’d like.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.” You hug him a little tighter in what you hope is an encouraging way. “Heights scare me. You tell me something about you now.”

Draco sighs as he thinks. “I’m an only child, too. I can play the piano, and I’ve never tried to cook because we have house elves at home who do everything for us. Maybe I’d be good at it because I am good at potions, I dunno. I wish I could play Quidditch when I graduate, but I think father expects me to be like him and take a job at the Ministry.”

“‘Father’?” You raise an eyebrow. “Damn, you must hate your parents.”

Draco tilts his head to the side. “Hate is a strong word. My mother is nice.”

“You still said father, though. People only say that when they really hate their parents. At least in America we do. Or is your family like, one of those super-fancy and super-formal British families?”

“Fine, maybe a little of both,” he concedes. “But definitely the fancy British family part. That’s how all- well, most Pureblood families are here.”

You stiffen at the word ‘Pureblood’. “Wait, are you…?” You trail off.

Draco looks confused. “A Pureblood? Yes. Why?”

You stare back out the window, then look at back him. “I just… I guess that makes sense. That’s why your hair is like, unnaturally pale.”

“Yes, but what else? Do you not know any Purebloods at Ilvermorny?” Draco’s brow furrowed.

“No, there’s plenty.” You weren’t sure how to tell him this without hurting his feelings. “Just… in America, for a long time, there were laws made by the Magical Congress that Witches and Wizards couldn’t marry a No-Maj, in order to protect wizarding society in the new world. Eventually people realized those laws were dated, and in like the late 20’s they were repealed. Blood purity pretty much became unimportant across the country except in the South.” You shook your head a little. “Both Magical people and No-Maj’s from the South are crazy, but that’s another story. I guess what I’m trying to get at is now there aren’t a lot of Pureblood families in America anymore. Most everyone has at least one No-Maj in their family tree. I do know some Purebloods back at home but…” You cringed a little at what you were about to say. “People call them inbreds.”

Draco looked horrified.

“Not that I think that about you!” You said quickly, waving your hands. “All of them are perfectly nice, and only some of their parents are weird about the blood-purity thing. It’s not a big deal, honestly. I don’t think you family heritage could make you a bad person, Pureblood or not, that’s just being judgemental. That’s just what some people say.”

Draco blinked. “Okay.”

You felt awful. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel bad.” You stood on your tiptoes and kissed his cheek before putting your hands on either side of his face. “I do not think of Purebloods like that.”

“It’s alright, y/n.” Draco smiled softly down at you, putting one of his hands on top of yours that was still resting on his cheek.

“Is it though? I’m really sorry, maybe I shouldn’t’ve-”

“Y/n! It’s okay, I promise,” Draco said. “I’m glad you said something. Better to know this way then have it explained to me with a bunch of other people around.”

“Okay,” you sighed, pulling Draco’s hand down to kiss the back of it. “I’m still sorry though.”

“What for! The y/n I know two weeks ago would make fun of my entire bloodline with no remorse. You saying anything nice to me I consider a gift.” He winked.

That made you smile. “Okay, true. I guess I just can’t burn you one second and make out with you the next.”

“Who said I wouldn’t like it if you did?”

“Says the part of me who learned the golden rule when I was six.”

Draco went back to looking confused. “The what?”

“Nevermind,” you sigh. “I don’t want it to be too different between us now, but I want it to be a little different.”

“Yeah, me either.” Draco went back to resting his chin on your head. “We’ll figure it out.”

When you both felt your eyes closing, you went your separate ways to your dorms. Alex was back in your room when you returned.

“You feeling any better? Where’d you go?” Alex asked.

“Just to the nurse, she gave me something for my stomach. I’m feeling fine now.”

“Okay, that’s good,” she said, pulling off her shoes and grabbing her book from her nightstand.

“How was HHR?” You asked.

“Good, except I can’t tell if Harry has a crush on me or not?”

“I thought Harry liked that girl in Ravenclaw? You and Chris play Quidditch with?"

“Cho? Yeah so did I.”

“Weird.” You shrug. “Okay, I’m tired as hell. G’night.”

“Nighty night.”

Alex stayed up and read her book, and you kept your back to her and pretended to sleep. You hoped Draco would come up with a new plan for you guys to meet, because hiding this from Alex was going to be very difficult.

The rest of January came and went without much excitement. You and Draco regularly met up at night, or sometimes in the middle of the day on Tuesdays when you both had a free block before lunch. So far, you were avoiding major suspicion.

The most you’d been asked about it was by Hermione, who seemed frustrated you and Draco were doing so well in potions. You managed to convince her your ‘truce’ about fighting each other made it much easier to work together in class, and she’d finally let it go. Even Alex had stopped asking where you were going at night sometimes.

The third weekend in February brought one of the more anticipated Quidditch matches of the year, at least for the people you knew. The Ravenclaw/ Slytherin match. In Quidditch trials in September, both Alex and Chris had won spots on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, the only two Ilvermorny students out of the six who tried out. The Gryffindor team had regained their players from last year, minus one student who’d graduated, and Alex was sad at first she wouldn’t get to play on the same team as Harry, Ginny and Ron. However, the Ravenclaw captain had said they’d been struggling as a team for the past two years, and with Chris as a Beater and Alex as a Chaser, they’d beat Hufflepuff easily back in November.

As Chris and Alex brought Ravenclaw success, the rest of the Exchange students had adopted a strong pro-Ravenclaw attitude where the subject of Quidditch concerned. You had been excited for the Ravenclaw/Slytherin match since your friends made the team, and at first it was so you could watch them beat Draco’s team into the dirt.

Now that wasn’t quite the case, but you were still excited.

“Y/n, you wearing that green scarf is honestly no better than you coming and telling me you’ve become a Death Eater,” Ron bemoaned as the four of you walked down to the pitch.

“I told you, I have equal stake in this match. I’ve got on more blue anyway! Let me live, Ron.”

“Okay, sure, you and Malfoy are cool now, or whatever, but this is Quidditch we’re talking about. Don’t you know this could be bad karma for the whole game!” Ron cried.

“Seriously. Potions class is one thing, but Quidditch support is only something couples do, you know.”

Harry got a smack on the back of the head for that one.

Hermione and Ron laughed while you defended yourself. You were nearly to the pitch when you heard your name being called.

“Y/n! Y/N! GUYS WAIT UP!”

You turned to see Emi running down the hill with short strides, her long Slytherin scarf about to trip her with every step. She’d wrapped it around her neck several times but the edges were still brushing along the snowy ground. Emi finally caught up to the four of you, and she clutched your arm to steady herself as you all started walking again. You noticed she had a small Ravenclaw flag clutched in her hand.

“Emi! Are you double-teaming too?” You asked with surprise.

“Yeah,” Emi smiled. “For Chris! But don’t tell anyone else in Slytherin, though. I’ll be hung in the common room by my toes before the match is even over,” she added, suddenly very serious.

“Okay.” You turned to the trio. “See! I’m not the only one. Embrace the interhouse harmony, guys.”

“Oh, yeah, I bet you have this exact same attitude at Ilvermorny Quidditch games, too,” Ron grumbled.

“Come this way,” Emi said, pulling you along the outside wall of the pitch. “We need to sit on the end, so we can be be where the two sides will meet. That way we can be equally supportive.”

Emi led the way to the end of the pitch, and planted herself right in the middle of the box, the trio following behind you. The mixed-team box was mostly filled with people you didn’t know, who were from Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. “So, Chris huh?” You asked, gently nudging Emi with your elbow.

Emi’s face remained passive as she surveyed the crowd that wound around the pitch. “He’s just my friend. It’s nice to have someone to talk to who isn’t complaining. My dorm mates are so fucking annoying,” she sighed. “Pansy never shuts her mouth. Don’t tell her I said that.”

You giggled.

“What about you huh?” She turned to you, her eyebrows going up in a suggestive way. “I hear you and Draco are mates now, and here you are with the green scarf. Is it his?”

“No! Draco and I are also just friends. Sort of. I mean we get along now but we’re not like, buddies or anything,” you say. Emi just looks at you for a long moment before turning back to the pitch.

“Is the Slytherin team any good? I didn’t come to that match last term.” You say to Emi.

“Yes, we’re very good. Well, we are now. We got a new keeper two years ago who’s very good, and Draco has been a great Seeker since last year. He was awful before that-maybe he learned over the summer or something,” Emi postulated.

“It’s true. His dad bought him the Seeker position our first year and Harry was way better than him. Still is.” Ron interjected, leaning down to poke his head between you and Emi.

“Okay, well, we won the Quidditch cup last year Weasley, so what’s really important?” Emi said haughtily.

Before Ron could respond, the pitch erupted into cheers as the two teams came out. Two towers across from each other on the pitch, one green and the other blue, had a tiny open spot halfway down where the teams emerged from. The Ravenclaw team flew off first, weaving around the pitch to get everyone excited. Alex dramatically jumped off the tower, pulling her broom under her and soaring off at the last second. The five of you jumped to your feet and started hollering as Chris and Alex flew by.

Slytherin came out next, flying in their diamond formation. Even with all the snow, you spotted Draco in the front by his white hair, leading the team as the Seeker. As they passed by, you and Emi screamed your cheers.

“Welcome to the fourth Quidditch match of this school year! Today’s match- Ravenclaw vs Slytherin!” The student announcer called, her voice echoing around the pitch.

The Quidditch referee, a teacher you didn’t know, trudged out onto the snowy pitch and put down the box with the balls. It vibrated in anticipation of being opened. The two teams hovered in a circle around her, the Ravenclaw team in front of you. Alex’s red hair in it’s double braids stood out against the grey sky. The teacher opened the box, and out flew the Snitch and the two Bludgers. Draco and Cho, Ravenclaw’s seeker, watched the tiny golden ball zip away. The referee threw the Quaffle into the air, and the game began.

Alex, lithe and quick on her broom, snatched the Quaffle from the air, leaving a crash of Slytherin players in her wake. The one other Ravenclaw chasers flew off after her, as well as Chris to protect her from oncoming Bludgers.

Ron had told you the Slytherin team played dirty, and they were certainly committing some fouls that were going uncaught. Ravenclaw was not to be underestimated though, and Chris and his fellow beater were landing multiple shots of the Bludgers onto oncoming Slytherin chasers.

Roughly twenty minutes into the game, the teams were tied thirty to thirty. Neither Cho nor Draco had been able to relocate the snitch since the beginning of the game. Both players were hanging around the edges of the pitch, scanning the horizon for any sign of the golden ball. Draco had his arms crossed, and was looking frustrated. Across the pitch, Alex scored another goal for Ravenclaw and you whooped.

“Oi, this is slow going,” Ron complained.

“It hasn’t been half an hour yet, Ron,” Hermione pointed out. “Last game was nearly two hours!”

“Yeah, and besides, Ravenclaw is in the lead again. Alex is so fast,” you said, watching your friend zip across the pitch, doing a corkscrew in celebration of her goal.

“She could be a Seeker,” Harry mused.

“I think she likes the teamwork of being a Chaser,” you replied.

A gasp went up from across the pitch, and your caught the moment just in time. One of the Slytherin beaters, Crabbe, had hit a Bludger Chris’s way. He moved to hit it away with his bat, but it hit him square in the face instead. Chris managed to stay on his broom but was sent spinninging sideways. When he righted himself he swiped a sleeve across his face- the sapphire fabric was stained with blood. Emi clutched your arm with worry, and you squeezed her hand to reassure her. All of the crowd who could see Chris’s bloody face all booed Crabbe.

“I’m going to punch Crabbe in the nose for that,” Emi growled under her breath.

“I’ll lift you up,” added Ron.

“Oh, shut up.”

In the time that everyone was distracted by Chris and Crabbe’s altercation on the end of the pitch, a Slytherin Chaser had scored a goal.

“The game is tied again, forty to forty,” The announcer called. “Neither of our Seekers have spotted the Snitch yet.”

Indeed. Another ten minutes passed by, with more goals scored. Your eyes were following Alex around the pitch, and she was about to catch a pass from her fellow Chaser when Harry gasped from behind you. “Guys, look up!”

You all tilted your heads back, and were shocked into momentary silence. Harry’s keen Seeker eyes had spotted the Snitch, hovering over your stand several feet above you all. From Cho and Draco’s high vantage point, the Snitch was sure to blend in with the crowd. You whipped your head back to the pitch. Draco and Cho still hovered high, oblivious.

“CHO!” Harry yelled. “CHO! THE SNITCH!”

You thought Cho was too far to hear him. As expected, Cho didn’t turn your way. But Hermione and Ron quickly joined him.

“CHO! CHO!”

Emi looked conflicted for a moment, then seemed to remember her house pride. She screeched at the top of her tiny lungs. “DRACOOOOOOO!”

All your friends were screaming, Ron’s pale face turning red from it. Emi waved her arms wildly, and you made a decision. “DRACO!” You screamed. “DRACO MALFOY!”

Finally, the ruckus you were all causing in the box finally caught the attention of the Seekers. They both looked briefly to your side, wondering if it was just enthusiastic cheering, but all five of you pointed up. Emi started jumping.

They reacted immediately, both coming towards the box at lightning speed. Draco and Cho closed in, and the Snitch zipped from side to side. Everyone in the box screeched, ducking down as the two Quidditch players zoomed overhead. The whoosh of wind blew your hair all about your face, and you brushed it aside to look up again. The Snitch was gone.

Everyone scrambled up, craning their necks as the Seekers came around from outside the pitch to see who’d gotten it, but they were both still in pursuit. The Snitch was flying fast now, into the center where the rest of the players were. Now everyone around the pitch was screaming, the announcer barely able to keep up with all the action.

Draco and Cho were swift, but most of the other players were not. The other Slytherin beater hit a Bludger that was meant for Cho, but hit Draco instead when he suddenly moved down. The force sent him sideways into Cho, and Alex, holding the Quaffle, was trying to dodge them, but she ended up catching the front of her broomstick on Cho’s body, sending all three of them flying off their brooms in various directions. They all landed in the snowy ground in puffs of white.

Everyone gasped collectively. Alex and Draco lay limp in the snow, while Cho cried out in pain, holding her middle. The pitch got quiet for a moment as the other players stopped, with the Quaffle still tucked under Alex’s arm out of play. Cho rolled to the side, her dark hair spread out around her head in the snow like a halo. She lifted one of her arms up from her stomach. Clutched in her fist was the shimmering Snitch.

The hospital wing was very full. Chris had to have his nose reset; Cho had a bruised stomach; Draco was nursing a headache and a split lip, and Alex had sprained her wrist. You and the Trio were standing around Alex who was sitting on a bed in the wing, waiting her turn for a healing spell from Madame Pomfrey.

“You played brilliant Alex,” Ron said, brimming with excitement.

“Yeah, you and Chris are the Ravenclaw dream team.” You beamed.

“Hell yeah, you know it.” Alex offered up her good hand for a high five, and you slapped your palms together.

“I’m seriously so proud of you,” Ginny said. “Your second win of the year!”

Alex smiled. “I’m definitely reporting this all back to Cameron back home- the Thunderbird team doesn’t know what they’re missing.”

Madame Pomfrey stepped around the curtain that divided the beds. You got up from where you were sitting near Alex, so she could have room to treat her. Across the room, Chris had already had his nose reset. He was sitting on his bed, wiping dried blood off his face with a wet washcloth. His free hand was clasped in Emi’s, who was sitting close on the bed next to him, and you smiled to yourself.

“I’ll be back,” you said to Hermione, who was standing next to you, and walked around the foot to Alex’s bed and to the other side of the curtain.

Draco sat on the side of his bed, legs crossed underneath him. His lip had been healed, but he was holding a cloth full of ice to his temple.

“Hey,” you said settling down into the chair next to the bed

“Hey,” he replied. “Thanks for helping me during the game.”

You shrugged. “Well, Emi isn’t loud enough on her own. Besides, it was only fair. Are you okay? That looked like a nasty collision.” Your forehead creased with concern.

Now it was Draco’s turn to shrug. “I’ve had worse. The snow didn’t make it so bad, and we were close the the ground anyway. I’ll be sore tomorrow, though.” He stretched his back, as if already feeling it. “Landed on my left shoulder really hard.”

“I told you brooms are dangerous.” You smirked.

Draco rolled his eyes. “This is Quidditch. If you were riding a broom normally, your chances of getting hurt lower considerabl- hey, quit that!” He reached out to smack your arm, catching you mouthing the words along with him in a mocking way.

You both laughed, smile lines forming around Draco’s eyes and cheeks. They were the cutest thing.

You scooted to the edge of your chair, taking Draco’s hand. You leaned your elbow on the bed next to you, resting your cheek on his knuckles. “When you were both coming towards us, I thought that…” you trailed off when Draco put a finger to his lips to silence you. For a second, you were confused, but then Draco pointed to the curtain separating his and Alex’s beds. All was quiet on the other side. Too quiet.

You let go of Draco’s hand and yanked back the curtain. Hermione, Ron, Harry and Alex were all perched on the near side of the bed, obviously listening. You leaned back into your chair, and Draco brought the ice back up to his temple. “Hey guys. Want to join our conversation?”

Ron started blushing, and Hermione and Harry averted their eyes. Alex stared you down with a calculating look on her face. You pulled the curtain back across between you, and you and Draco immediately started giggling again.

You go up from your chair. “Feel better. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

You quickly glanced across the room. Emi and Chris were still engrossed in each other. You planted a quick kiss on the top of Draco’s head and left the hospital wing.

[pleasedontgethurt]

Trust your instincts

May this be a lesson for you all. Warning: long post, but this is important

As some of you know, about a year ago, I made the decision to take up on my now previous job despite I knew it could end after the fixed term was over, as it did. I was very iffy about taking up on the offer, as it meant moving to a new city and my life turning entirely upside down, leaving behind pretty much everything I knew and never looking back, and taking a huge risk of ending up worse off than I already was. I ended up taking the offer regardless. It was the hardest decision I ever made, and the countless hours I spent in regret crying in agony are proof of that. 

To this day, I find myself missing so many things from my old home. First of all, my old home itself, how cheap it was to live there, the feeling of home, the nature, the lakes, the activities related to those, the quietness, the people, the places, even the few shops, stores and restaurants I frequented (some of which that became very important to me), the memories, the simplicity of living there, and how almost everything I needed was but a short walking distance away. I miss being able to trust people, I miss how clean it was in comparison... It was also close to where my parents live, closer to where my boyfriend lives, and would now be even closer to where my brother and his family live, and was in general close to where my roots are. I’m the kind of a person that when I get attached, it’s strong and doesn’t wear out even after I know it’s over, it’s just how I am. But I couldn’t thrive there, and I knew that.

I don’t miss my old job and all the issues I had there, or not being able to travel much, I don’t miss the nonexistent job opportunities, the apartment being way too small for my needs, or not having many friends in real life. I still don’t really have any, but at least the potential is there. I don’t miss only having 5 Pokémon Go gyms and 11 Pokéstops in town, or the lack of options in terms of church, hobbies, libraries, services, you name it. I don’t miss not having many people of my age around and most people around being middle aged people and the elderly. I don’t miss the overall lack of opportunities related to anything. I don’t miss the hopelessness of it all, how the town was and still is slowly dying and withering away, or how far away everything was from there. I especially don’t miss how many years of my life I wasted in there thinking everything was hopeless and that there was no hope for anything to improve. I thought leaving would be too great of a risk to lose what little I already had, and ended up all but murdering the plans I had for my future, and for my career. How bad the place (with my former job) affected my physical and mental health overall in addition to all this is best left unmentioned. 

I ended up taking up on the offer because I knew that if I didn’t, I’d end up regretting it the rest of my life, deep inside I always knew this was something I’d need to do eventually anyway, I secretly always wanted to move here, and the way my then-current job was going, I felt I really had no choice. It was like jumping off a sinking ship. 

I had known for a long time something was wrong with my former boss / customer I was aiding in my old job, but nobody would really take me seriously. Instead, close to everything would be blamed on me. Everything from unpaid bills (she sometimes refused to sign them due to paranoid delusions) to her disagreeability to cooperate, every conflict, everything was blamed on me, when I was simply trying to hold all the threads together and make sure everything ran smoothly and according to all laws and reason, to the absolute best of my ability. It went to the point that I’d even spend some of my own money to buy her supplies if she refused to go to the store. I’d try to make her dress up in -30 degrees in winter when going out so that she wouldn’t get sick, as she insisted she didn’t need to dress up warmly, and offered to cook her anything she wanted but she insisted only eating the same thing every single day and then blamed it on me. Due to the same condition why she had ended up in a wheelchair, she was incapable of so much as dialing up a phone call that wasn’t pre-programmed in her phone, but she also didn’t understand everything she was told, which was a newer development alongside the delusions. I took care of almost all of her current affairs with the bank, the pharmacy, the health center, the town social services, the insurance company, and the accounting, especially whenever there was some kind of a mess, and as the result I’d repeatedly get told by her that I was trying to take advantage of or con her somehow. She would often insist something needed to be done in a certain way when she in reality had no idea what she was talking about, would mix two similar things together critically even if they had nothing to do with each other, and trying to clear things up would always lead into some kind of a conflict as this eventually meant I couldn’t perform my duties. I even ended up not taking sick leaves often due to there not always being someone to replace me, and just took every temper tantrum, every lie, every insult, every misunderstanding, every argument with her and her family who likewise blamed it all on me, at a huge cost to my mental health and tried my absolute best to find good solutions and do something about it, but was met with a wall after another... Nobody would really help me and tell me what I should do, I didn’t know who else to ask and anything the family told me either wouldn’t help or made everything worse. After some time, I just… got used to it. It was all my fault, I thought. I just wasn’t good enough an employee, regardless that I went way past the line of duty in fulfilling my responsibilities (and some things that should never have been my responsibility to begin with), but it felt like it was worthless and futile. Once she started to turn violent on me, I knew I had to go. It only happened like three times, but I knew I couldn’t go on, I had to leave. Something was very wrong, I could no longer handle all the bullshit, things would only be getting worse if I stayed, and I’d very likely eventually lose the job. As it turns out, my instincts had been 100% correct. 

Just as I’m writing this, about two hours ago I received a curious phone call from the daughter of my former boss in my old town. Some mess with some paperwork I was somehow supposed to know what to do with, but aside that, she mentioned something that made my heart skip a beat. My former boss had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s some time ago, and had been in a surgery for breast cancer this summer. There was no apology, nothing, but I knew this was her way of letting me know I had been right all along, and it would likely be the only closure I’d be getting. Now I finally know I really had done my best, I had done nothing so wrong to have deserved the treatment I got, and it was 100% the right decision to leave. She didn’t specify much, aside that things had gone south quick. I don’t know how much longer she has left, let alone how much longer she can still have personal assistants until she is permanently institutionalized, but that’s a one-way street. There’s no way out of this anymore. Had I waited until now, my chances of finding a new job would have been so much worse than they are now. Staying would’ve been a huge mistake.

Had known what I do now, I’d make the decision in a heartbeat. In hindsight, there was no way I could’ve been expected to stand the amount of bullshit I did. I’m hecking proud of myself for handling everything as well as I did as the situation really was hopeless, but also sad I didn’t jump ship sooner. There was no way I could’ve been able to or even be qualified to treat her anymore.

The new job was short lived as it was fixed-term, but it gave me vital job experience and lifted up my professional self-esteem, I made lots of important new contacts and have the best job opportunities in the country available to me now. If before I was applying to jobs due to lack of options, it’s now an overabundance of options. There’s more competition of each position though, 100 applicants or more per positions seems to be a pretty good average here, and I’m having a bit of a hard time choosing which jobs I should concentrate my efforts in as I’m very slow at applying jobs, and it can take up to a week or more for me to perfect an application. Nothing has turned up yet, but I’m not losing hope. I’m out of the hell I was in, and regardless of the new hardships I’ve faced, I’m still better off now than I was then.

TL;DR: trust your instincts. Sometimes things are just as bad or even worse as they seem, and giving up is not automatically a failure but may save you from even worse hardships. Don’t stay in a bad place in fear of things getting worse. Sometimes an opportunity that requires a huge step is the only or the best chance you’ll get. And even if things got worse for a while, they can still turn out for the better overall in the end.

[jobtypeblog]

As a label we have made efforts to properly engage in marketing bureaucracy and online visibility tactics that are required if you wish to engage certain audiences with your brand  (especially younger internet-integrated generations). However, for creative satisfaction, and as experimental speculation with these micro-capitalist tendencies, as a transmitter of audio/visual media, we confront the orthodox of music marketing and media consumption by subverting these conventions in through poster design and music branding. We have continuously worked very closely with Gabriel Thomas, a visual graphics designer and 3D animator who has been instrumental in developing the accompanying visual language to our sound work. With 3D clay simulation software, we have designed typography and graphics that presents our collective warped vision of futurism and accelerated rave culture. We take inspiration from the radical science fictional and virtual visual styles of techno EDM music that has evolved through the 20th and 21st centuries. Below are some scans from a book titled Techno Style: The Album Cover Art, put together by Martin Pesch in 2003:

Below this is the artwork for DJ Haus’ Artifical Intelligence EP on Rinse:

Below are various Slump Sounds visual materials, flyer posters and visual branding eperiements:

^The above typographical experiments quite literally embody a visual comment market capitalist consumerist branding, by integrating the words ‘YOU MUST CONSUME’ backwards within the name ‘SLUMP SOUNDS’.  To this end, we started plans for a website (shown below), and with Gabriel’s experience in web design assistance, have put together a conceptual mock-up that successfully incorporates the virtual potential of digital software and immersive screen art with DIY cyber-punk imagery. The visual concept is to can be accessed here: https://elated-shirley-a5af24.netlify.com/

These are collaborative efforts that involve a dialogue with Gabriel and direction from me and Al on the visual concepts behind the website, and though i consider this project a successful ongoing collaboration that will form a major part of my sonic practice, and that of the future of Slump Sounds, I am personally relatively unexperienced with design software and coding. Therefore I wanted to explore an alternative avenue of creativity, with the intention of a decidedly lower-fidelity visual language as a possibility for my final graduation exhibition in April. I have been drawn towards physical and more laborious methodologies of visual and sonic art, such as collage, printing, zine-making and sound production using analog hardware, without the need of a laptop. This sensibility can be seen in the virtualisation of non-virtual things such as graffiti or a marsh.

The search for meaningful and creatively satisfying sound work has led me to the world of analog art and audio programming with physical machines and tactile buttons and nobs. Admittedly, I’ve been very slow to embrace the potential of analog gear for a long time. I believe this has something to do with a sense of not believing myself to be as scientifically inclined as I felt was needed, or feeling the need to learn more about the engineering and mathematics of synthesis or sequencing. In hindsight, this is an unproductive outlook, especially considering the lineage of radical electronic artworks that were born from mistakes or glitches in systems of sound creation and reproduction that characterises a cyberpunk reading of experimental music. This desire intensified through a process of familiarising myself with pre-digital sound gear; what began as the need to hear cassettes and not owning a cassette deck, which forced me to choose one, locate it, buy it, and figure out how to get it to play what I wanted to hear, which then turned into vinyl and a mixer, and then cheap and simple drum machines. It still remains a part of my practice that I believe requires much more actual play and practice time... Still I contemplate the elusive nature of analog signal processing as when I first played a Casio electric keyboard at a young age. It is important to point out, however, that this does not thus lend me a masterful understanding of digital media processing either, only an ability to abuse to it to my own indulgent ends. Any effort to demystify this practice is a step in a right direction. Since my introduction to the keyboard, I can say for certain that my interest in electronic sound production and the history over human-machine interaction that defines parts contemporary society and techno-futurism has become a creative obsession. To live and work with meaningful creative disposition within the modernity of media noise and cultural saturation, and having been introduced to the infinite-possibility blank canvases of digital audio work stations at an early age, where my lateral creative mind quickly fostered an addiction to the stress of sonic novelty, erratic compositions that quickly deconstructed or changed an idea or process without allowing time for deep listening or trance-inducing sonic immersion, it has become impertinent for me to seek more visceral, authentic and tactile methodologies. Efforts to correct this habit of laptop art-making are a defining feature of my current personal interests, and my efforts to engage in a more authentically rooted and personal relationship to my sonic practice, extending beyond music and sound production into physical and visual art practices that steer clear from the transience of digital media online allow me to distance myself when I want to from digital work. My peers and I working within Slump Sounds are slowly making progress with collaborative analogue hardware production systems and studio building. Money and time are major factors in this process, though, as Simon Reynolds explains in his lecture on DIY, in some ways the romanticism of investing resources into more meaningful outcomes more appropriately reflects ‘a convergence of energies and passions‘. On the rare occasion I can return to Leeds during term time for longer than a day, I take the oppurtunity to connect with the label crew to work on the upcoming releases and discuss label business. Al owns a Roland SP808, an Arturia Microbrute and some decent speakers. I brought along my Korg Volca Beats, a reverb pedal and a folder of samples and noises from my own work and sampled from floppy disks and youtube videos. The attached Soundcloud file at the beginning of this post contains the resulting noises we made over about an hour of twiddling and listening. To me the sounds are an evocation of our collective interelations with Grime, Electro and DIY electronics.  At the time we discussed as much as we could about the potential of performing with such a setup, and how possible it would be to get a project like that underway, with a focus on the ‘total package’ concept of physical releases, sleeve inserts, flyer promotion etc. that was conceptually a step back from the hyper aesthetics and digital marketting of Slump Sounds. We shared our fascinations with symbolism and aesthetic reflections of experimental arts cultures and avant-garde modes of living, carried through subversive strategies of music branding with the politics of contemporary DIY culture and cyberpunk. In an age characterised by rampant commercialism and media saturation, to what end can alternative practices provide meaning or transcendence from societal norms? Our decision was to begin developing a more DIY post-punk inspired subgroup uber the banner of Slump Sounds, where we could experiment with tactile art-making and more ambitiously conceptual projects not necessarily intended for club systems or commercial profit - enter, LosBundazGanks.

During this session, I talked with Al about my visual investigations into truth, hyperreality and simulation for my Major Research Project, and we decided to begin working on and combining the sounds we were producing with the visuals I have been collecting and researching. Of the 300 hundred or so images that we curated, all of them relate in some form to the idea of simulation and reproduction. The examples below consist of digital cuttings from an online version of the Official Gazette of the United States Patent and Trademark Office: Trademarks, which were selected on the conditions of their visual or conceptual affiliation with the idea of simulation, truth or audio/visual fiction. My intrigue in the catalogue, which gives a written description of each logo, was in the symbiotic relationship between the written definitions and meanings of the symbols, which in turn represented aspects of market capitalism and commodification. These first drafts were then processed through effects on an old version of Microsoft Word. The ‘edges’ function can, with experimentation, produce a digitally rendered appearance of stamping or screenprinting, much like the DIY Zine making methods of hardcore music and art communities:

After this, we highlights the inherent entanglements of audsio/visual simulation and truth by juxtaposing these images with other found visual materials. The intention was to build moodboard for reference in the future when we will have the time and resources to develop the idea of a Los Bundaz Ganks physical release or performance.

This process has completely shaped my outlook for future projects, and I have decided to introduce a significant portion of this research into the ideas for the graduate exhibition in April. For an effective audio installation or performance, I consider it important to side-step the context of a gallery situation, which too often in my experience has provided little to no communication in some form other than the actual pieces/sculptures/sounds of the conceptual analogies or research methods that brought the artist to design/build/draw attention to in the first place. 

[entirebodyexercise]

The Final Marathon Countdown: 15 Expert Race-Week Tips

Two professional coaches and also one of The U.S.A.'s top marathoners share their ideal advice.

Unlike 5Ks as well as 10Ks, the marathon calls for optimal amounts of dedication, determination as well as willpower in order to show up prepared for success on race day. It's frequently not the missed out on workouts as well as long terms that trigger marathoners the most anxiety, yet instead the final launch procedure in the week preceeding the occasion. The threats of making a training or dietary error is magnified the closer you reach the marathon.

To help reduce your anxieties, we took a seat with three specialists to obtain their opinions on ways to deal with that crucial week: ZAP Fitness train Pete Rea, reigning UNITED STATE marathon champion and also winner of this year's Dusseldorf Marathon Annie Bersagel as well as trainer Greg McMillan.

Coach Pete Rea

1. Adjustment as bit as possible from your typical routine.

When going into the final week of a marathon program, among one of the most effective plans is to adhere to your program. Do you typically go to sleep at 9:30? Stay with it. Do you generally consume pasta with hen the evening before your long runs? Stay with it. Do you generally take a 20-minute stroll the eve a future or a race? Stay with it. Do you usually use your favored lightweight pair of instructors for lengthy runs as well as races? Stick to them. Routine is crucial as it associates to sleep patterns, digestion, biorhythms as well as your general performance. Adjustment as low as you can from your normal routine and you will certainly increase the probability that you will have a wonderful day at the Queen's Distance.

2. Do something "more challenging" the week of the race.

One of the biggest mistakes we see our ZAP adult running individuals make during marathon prep work is cannot carry out something more challenging the week of the race. During the marathon taper, athletes are running less as well as have normally dialed back the strength as well. Typically, professional athletes really feel stale the day of the marathon with a considerable decrease in both strength and also volume. You will prevent being stagnant by doing something modest 5-6 days of the race. A tried and also true 'week of the marathon' session we carry out right here at ZAP is 2 different 2-mile pieces (with 7:00 -8:00 between) at your objective marathon rhythm.

3. Make sure to run the day before the race.

Continuing on the concept of the taper as well as staying clear of 'staleness,' joggers ought to constantly do a bit of running the day before the race. The frustrating bulk of the comments from age-group marathoners is regular with the pros: a day off 2 days prior to the race will certainly leave you revitalized with pop in the legs, whereas a day of rest quickly coming before the race usually leads to heavy legs. My suggestions is a very easy 15-18-minute run.

4. Prevent "expo staying."

Road race expos are an important thing of business side of our sport. Running-related retailers layer their wares amidst the crowds getting their race numbers as well as the last-minute treat before race day. Frequently, nevertheless, joggers will spend hours after hours at the exposition trying every little thing from the most recent cooling running underclothing to salsa-infused energy bars. If you are searching for a method to kill the power in your legs in the days before the marathon, after that "exposition staying" is for you. Obtain in, get your number and also leave!

5. Don't second-guess your goals and also preparation.

I suggest to basically every marathoner I have coached that they [ought to] take a glimpse at their training log the eve the race. Advise on your own of all the job you have done and that you are as all set as you could be-- after that go execute. Quite frequently, I see individuals around the nation chatting themselves out of their race strategy and objectives the weekend break of the race. Be certain in your prep work and also step to the line recognizing you have compromised as well as prepared effectively. I recommend the book Elite Minds by sports psychologist Dr. Stan Beecham as a pre-race testimonial. You will never ever once more examine your prep.

Annie Bersagel

1. Do resist the urge to make up for missed workouts.

Whether due to injury, ailment or simply an active routine, even the best-laid plans go awry. It's appealing to attempt to press in that last exercise in the last 5 days, however this is disadvantageous. You won't see any health and fitness gains and only risk using on your own out before the race. I was sick before Dusseldorf and didn't feel much better up until the last week before the race. Also though I intended to examine my health and fitness, I knew I just could not manage to. In hindsight, I'm extremely grateful I decided to sit.

2. Do take additional safety measures to stay clear of illness.

Carrying a little bottle of hand sanitizer with you anywhere you go is a good plan, particularly in that last week. It's likewise a good idea to briefly suspend the "five-second" rule.

3. Do not compare training logs.

This is the equivalent of avoiding post-exam discussions of the test questions. Nothing good will come of it at this moment. Either you'll really feel intimidated by others' workouts or come to be as well artful about your personal prep work. Wait up until the race mores than before evaluating your training.

4. Do make an extra effort to obtain a lot of sleep.

While you should not be attempting any arduous workouts, focus your energy rather on sitting like a champ. You need to have a little bit more time on your hands with less running. Reinvest it in your sleep.

5. Do prepare emotionally for how you will feel throughout the race.

If you run your best, it will certainly injure-- a lot. Anticipate this, yet also understand that the very first few miles will probably float by. This is natural. Be gotten ready for it to really feel practically also easy at the beginning and also be ready to race when the race really starts (probably around 20-23 miles).

Coach Greg McMillan

1. Remember that you have currently built your fitness for the race, so any kind of exercise in the recently has to do with "refining" health and fitness, not building fitness.

It's not about going faster but running your speeds with less effort. This way you will not leave the race in training.

2. Don’t try anything new.

You have actually practiced your race nourishment as well as devices in training, so just follow exactly what you located works. Do not trying out new foods-- also if other professional athletes are eating them-- in the week prior to the race. Stick to what your body is utilized to so you don't obtain any type of GI surprises.

3. Relax.

It's quite regular to be worried as a race nears, but you need to always quell any worried energy and also focus on relaxing. Some runners let the anxiety of the race burn up all their psychological power to make sure that by the time they stand on the beginning line, their mental reserves are currently depleted. As anxious thoughts creep in, recognize them and afterwards push them aside as well as concentrate on another thing.

4. Smile.

A great deal. People who smile and also laugh are much more unwinded and also maintain nervousness under control. Enjoy amusing programs or just concentrate on smiling a bit more throughout race week-- not crazy-person grinning, but just an easy reminder that you are so lucky to be able to race this race.

5. Make an oath to yourself.

There are whole lots of things we cannot manage in a race, but the one point we can manage is doing our outright best during all phases of the race-- whether we are running a new Public Relations or having an off day. In any case, make an oath to on your own that you will certainly do your ideal on the day. That in the very first miles, you'll regulate your pace and run loosened up. That in the center, you'll concentrate on grooving goal pace and remaining to enter all your gas. As well as, in the last part, where it gets really, actually difficult, you'll grin through the pain. You'll focus on your finest. You'll never ever yield. You'll never give up. You'll keep pressing and get to that surface line.

[chrysaliseuro2019]

Shaken And A Little Bit Stirred

Our three weeks in Greece has gone by in the wink of an eye. We have loved all of it. While Milos has been our least favourite (but still very enjoyable), Folegandros was scenically stunning and the town intimate and magical. Little streets and alleys lead into squares and while tourists have definitely found it, it’s lovely to see the locals having hung on to their little houses, out on their porches in the evenings chatting away. The tourist crowd are mainly couples or families so no pumping dance music to detract from the gentle vibe.

The Peloponnese is a must-see and I hope this has come through in the blog. As a tourist in July wanting to go where the crowds aren’t this is the place. And there is something for everyone; history buffs, museum enthusiasts, hardy hikers or beach sloths. So much to see, so much to do and a month there would not feel too long.

But today we leave and it’s a mega travel day so up and about doing chores. First off was shuffling the odd piece of still damp washing on our balcony washing line (one of the small and welcome creature comforts of an extended holiday) to take full advantage of sun and breeze. Then packing of cases which is becoming increasingly strategic commensurate with additional purchases, followed by getting the hotel to print out our flight boarding passes. Breakfast, then the final odds ‘n sods into the cases in readiness for our lift from Hotel Riga’s to the port.

Hotel Rigas was delightful. While only 2 stars, the room and balcony were enormous. But the bathroom this time was the size of 2 telephone booths and only room for one person due to an oversized awkwardly placed door which to close you practically had to stand on the toilet. Fortunately after 36 years of marriage, modesty is a concern long forgotten. The staff were the real standout with brother Panos and Christos the front office charmers. But the real star of the show was the housekeeper, who when we returned to the room after our first day out, had hung up our clothes, put things away in cupboards and done a through tidy up. It felt like mum had been in doing a Spring clean . I wanted to pay her one way fare to Fergie Street.

Ferry due to leave at 11.25am and arrived only 10 minutes late which was a relief. Systematic disembarkment for the Milos foot passenger and car arrivals followed by and orderly boarding by those leaving. This was in stark contrast to the Athens leaving fiasco necessitating dashing hither and thither avoiding a reversing oil tanker, taxis, buses, boxes on the wharf, cases, the passenger carrying a canary in a cage and a lot of agitated passengers. Piraeus Port Authority could do worse than do a study trip to a few islands for a few tips on traffic management.

Ferry went via nearby islands Sifnos & Serifos gradually filling on its way to Piraeus. Happily the sea was calm and the boat steady with the 4 hours passing quickly and uneventfully. Food onboard was also worthy of mention for the wrong reason. We shared a smoked turkey, cheese and mayo sandwich. The less said about that the better.

The TVs were showing some FINA Watersport competitions including the Greeks versus the Sth Koreans at water polo. It was Goliaths vs The Punes. The score of 13-2 representative of the physical strength imbalance. Chris was surprised the Punes didn’t turn tail and head straight back to Sth Korea when they caught sight of their opposition. Next on were the prissy-glittery-glammed-up teams of synchronised swimmers. We were half watching it (Chinese coming first followed by the Japanese, who we thought only average, then Ukraine) when the TVs changed to another station. Because all Greek discussion is loud and intense (and our Greek has not progressed beyond yassas and efcharistó) we had no idea whether it was the Midday Show, a regular news bulletin or some current affairs show. With no more synchronised swimming our books got 100% attention until we docked at 3.30pm.

Things were going too well for them to last. So they didn’t. With our ferry due at Piraeus at 3.30pm and our flight to Rome via Trieste due to depart at 7.10pm it was going to be a bit tight to take a train so we’d contacted a car transfer company which sends quotes. First quote arrived on Tuesday for £65 then decreased incrementally over the 3 days to £30. There seemed to be no time limit as to when you could accept the offer so we made sure the ferry was (a) going at all and (b) not delayed before we committed. As soon as we sailed we booked the transfer and emailed the driver to confirm the booking advising what ferry we were on expecting someone to be there when we arrived

Needless to say they weren’t. Port of Piraeus is not our happy place. Meanwhile my phone reconnected to the internet and I received a message from our niece asking if we were ok after hearing about the earthquake. I didn’t think anything more of it.

Meanwhile I put in a phone call to our organised driver who knew nothing of the booking and said he would call me back. Five minutes and no call back so I called him back only for it to ring out. Chris called him but the +44 English prefix probably gave it away cos he didn’t pick up that call either. So several calls to the company who didn’t seem be able to sort a driver resulting in my ire being raised about taking bookings that can’t be filled etc. We await a refund. But the bigger problem was time was on the wing and it was now 4.30pm so we went in search of a taxi.

Taxis in the port area were all pre booked so we found a taxi rank and asked the price. €80/$120!! Tell them they’re dreaming! Already pissed off about pre-booked driver no-show I got into a debate with the driver saying “We would take the taxi and trust the metre”. His bluff was ”It would be more expensive”. I countered “That would work better for you and we’ll take our chances”. His final response was “Take the bus lady” so we walked off in principle. (Think Chris reading my mood thought silence was his safest option.) I asked his mate also in the taxi queue but it was clearly a cartel cos he looked sheepish as he quoted the same which saved him losing face in front of his thieving mate. At this stage I thought my principles might cost us dearly with a missed flight (and I’d have a lot of apologising to do and a lot of extra Holmesglen shifts to cover the cost of lost flights) when we tried to flag down a taxi joining the rank who waved us off. But sometimes sticking to your guns pays off because a little modern Mercedes came around the corner driven by a taxi angel called Lorenzo who stopped as we waved him down. Quote €50. Deal! As he was loading the bags Lorenzo excitedly asked us if we’d felt the earthquake. So this explained the change of TV programming and the text message checking in on us. At around 2pm central Athens had experienced a 5.6 earthquake followed by aftershocks. We googled it and sure enough it was Athens’ first earthquake since the one in 1990 which resulted in 146 deaths and many more injured. Lorenzo who was driving through the city at the time said you don’t feel the movement of an earthquake when driving so he wasn’t aware what was happening. He said people were running out of buildings and dropping to the ground causing him to wonder if it was a terrorist attack. Fortunately there seemed to be no damage and deaths this time.

We were finally on our way to the airport with Lorenzo who determined the usually fast freeway route was jammed (we assumed as a response to the earthquake) taking 1.45 hours so the slower coastal route was a better option. The traffic around Piraeus was appalling but this bloke had the same traffic mindset as Chris....never, ever, ever sit in a traffic jam. We belted down bumpy narrow backroads made even narrower with cars parked on either side as we avoided the bottleneck around the port. The traffic was still heavily congested but our driver took every advantage of space by cutting in at the front of queues, forming extra turning lanes etc. It was quite the performance.

Not only was he determined to deliver us to the airport on time, he loved a chat. He was an Albanian in his mid 30’s married to a Greek with with two primary school aged children. He had been a semi professional soccer goalkeeper and along with taxi driving worked as a goal keeper coach. He proudly told us that only goal keepers can coach the skills of goal keeping. Lorenzo kept us entertained with stories saying when he was young he was popular because he wanted to play keeper whereas it was usually the fat kids who were lumped into that role because all the aspiring Ronaldos wanted to be the goal kicking stars. Another one we enjoyed was that his father used to regularly dink him 24 kilometres on the back of his pushbike in Albania to see a soccer match. The distance wasn’t the only issue as the roads built by the Italians post WW2 hadn’t received any attention from the communist government leaving them rutted, potholed and crumbling. Lorenzo and his dad’s bums must have been black and blue after those 48 kilometre round trips. He was also very interested in our lives so by the time we arrived at the airport at 5.50pm we were thoroughly relaxed with our faith in taxi drivers restored. We happily handed him €60 which he thought generous. We felt certain we were on the better end of that deal.

Flight to Trieste had a Rome stopover. The first leg to Rome left on time and was fine. After landing when the seat belt lights were switched the bloke beside me on the window side stood impatient to get off and leaned all over the top of me breathing heavily - he was not a small man. Usually I would get up too but with leg room being tight and row 24 being towards the back of the plane I stayed seated waiting for the 23 rows ahead to get themselves organised. This did not please bully boy next to me. After putting up with him literally right over the top of me panting I eventually stood at my middle seat. He took this as an opportunity to lean over me attempting to reach up into the luggage hold to drag his oversized case down. With the two irksome experiences at Piraeus still rankling I was not in the mood to be hassled. I refused to move and pushed back against him thwarting his attempts. When I finally moved out toward the aisle he reached over and dragged the case down telling me to move off before the people from the row in front. I told him in no uncertain terms I wasn’t moving until they were out of their seats in to aisle. Could excuse him if he was a peasant or had another flight to catch, but indeed he was well dressed and did not go to transit when we got off. That made 3 strikes with the no-show and thieving taxi driver so my patience was sorely tested.

Fortunately for everyone, probably most of all Chris who’s cage doesn’t generally get as rattled as mine, we had a spare seat for the next flight.

Landed at Trieste just before 11pm so had been on the go for 12 hours. Luggage arrived quickly making a dash to catch the 11.15pm train possible. We arrived at the station with the train pulling in. However we hadn’t had a chance to purchase tickets and with the machine caught in a loop, the train stopping for less than a minute and the guard less than helpful with advice we had to let it go. The only tip he gave us was not to buy the tickets on train as they were €50 more expensive that way (sounds to me like a euphemism for fine). Gave up on the train, taxis €60 (A$100) so not prepared to pay that. Instead we waited and caught the bus whose ticket machine also wasn’t working. No machine =no pay. Suited us. Took 45 minutes to get to TriesTe central station but enjoyed talking to a young helpful Slovenian man who had lived in Sydney for 3 months and a young Romanian woman who works as a purser on one of the small cruise boats that was hit by the big liner in Venice recently. Fortunately for her she was on leave at the time.

Grateful that Chris had booked our hotel not 5 minutes walk from Central Station. To top it all off our room stunk off cigarette smoke and the window shutters refused to open. Night manager couldn’t open them either so a quick move into neighbouring room which proved to be far nicer. Needless to say both knackered. Hope the travel Gods go gently on us tomorrow.

[justgenlockthings]

gen:VIEW Episode 2, “There’s Always Tomorrow”

Rooster Teeth knows how to make a premiere that packs a punch when it comes to their serialized dramas (yes, I’m including Red vs. Blue in that category). But it’s the non-premiere episodes that generally give you a better idea of if the show’s gonna be good or not.

Or maybe you’re someone like TheFloofArtist and you were predisposed to hate the show long before you even saw it and so found literally every possible reason to hate it from the 2nd episode and dramatically “dropped it” despite the fact that if you hated the show so much you were shitting on it without having seen a single episode your opinion was never gonna be considered valid.

(Why do grown men throw hissy fits about TV shows?)

Ahem...so. Episode 2 of gen:LOCK...

Let’s Get Down To Business

Where episode 1 was about establishing the relationship between Chase and Miranda, this episode seems to be about establishing the gen:LOCK program itself: how it works and who’s gonna be in it. For that reason, at least for the first half, it’s very expository, but not in a way that ever feels boring. Honestly, the longer episode lengths means the amount of time they spend standing around and talking doesn’t feel like vital time wasted, unlike RWBY which has often made that terrible mistake. This is information we need to get a basic understanding of how this program works, and we also get a chance to hear Dr. Weller passionately talking about his life’s work. Jesus christ, David Tennant gives such a good performance. He really sells the good guy mad scientist voice you expect from Dr. Weller.

I wasn’t entirely sold on Michael B. Jordan as a voice actor the previous episode, but even if at certain points it was clear we were watching a scene that hadn’t been initially animated to his voice, this episode convinced me things were gonna be fine. I loved his performance in the scene of Julian in the tank chatting with Migas: the sort of bittersweetness of the reunion between the two after all that had happened to them, but they were still glad to finally see each other again. Miles Luna deserves some praise too for helping sell the fact that this is a reunion. After all, even though we caught a brief moment of them interacting and joking around in Episode 1, we didn’t really have a chance to establish they were close friends. This scene does well to convince us that yes, they were friends, and they are relieved to see each other again.

Chase and Miranda’s situation was very well-handled in this episode. It was always going to be painful for Miranda to find out Chase was still alive, and even though it’s perfectly logical that Chase wasn’t able to reach out to her in the intervening years, it still isn’t something she can just brush over. She didn’t immediately jump at the chance to see him in-person, and actively avoided him for a day. It would have been a major mistake for her to be the first one who went to visit him. I love this whole situation with Miranda: the way the marketing was going you kind of expected just a bland character defined by her relationship with Chase, and, well, I guess what she does in this episode is sort of defined by the relationship, but it’s done in a way that’s actually interesting, where you actually care about how she feels about all this. Dakota Fanning does a great job conveying the hurt Miranda feels seeing someone she loved after so long who she’d given up for dead. I think she might easily be the third best voice actor we’ve heard so far, behind Monica Rial and David Tennant.

Here’s another case where one of my few pre-show expectations got subverted. From the character teasers I’d sort of expected us to get a depiction of the formation of the gen:LOCK program from the start: presumably that path would have followed Chase and Yasamin’s initial training and the early mech designs we saw in the early posters and the first two teasers. Of course, this was before I had known what they were planning with Chase’s crash, a path in the story that I could not have possibly predicted. And now I’m realizing why they didn’t do that: 1) it would have been too similar to RWBY and probably have made for a very slow show otherwise, and 2) they wanted to get right into the giant mechs fighting things. Sure, it sort of robs us of seeing some cool stuff about what it was like for Chase to join the program, but I figure we’ll get that depicted in flashbacks or in the comics.

One of the accusations regarding Kazu Iida was that having him speak Japanese while everyone else was speaking English would create “The Lopez Effect.” For those unaware, Lopez is a robot on Rooster Teeth’s show Red vs. Blue who speaks “Spanish” (really sentences run through Google Translate) that is translated for the audience via subtitles but no one else can understand. Now, for what the complain actually entails, I think “Lopez effect” is a bad term for it because Lopez’s situation is played for laughs while in gen:LOCK everyone understands Iida and doesn’t bat an eye. The complaint is more that it creates a tonal dissonance in what’s designed as a dramatic show: while everyone’s speaking English Kazu’s saying all his lines in Japanese with subtitles. Now, I can understand why that could all sound a little weird, but the thing is the way they set things up in the episode I really don’t think Iida speaking English is gonna be as distracting as one might think: they set it up where the characters can understand what he’s saying thanks to the augmented reality gear everyone seems equipped with, so that already established a method of communication, and I just didn’t give any thought to the fact he’s speaking Japanese for the rest of the episode. I would honestly be more bothered if he just spoke English all the time.

The other accusation is that the fact that he is the only character who speaks a foreign language was they’d have an excuse to get the voice of Spike Spiegel, which apparently is bad because it’s “weeb-baiting.” I’m sorry, I didn’t realize they were trying to draw audiences in with who they were casting...

As far as the new gen:LOCK recruits go, we didn’t get too much information about them, and this is probably the only issue I have with this episode. Still, there was a lot going on here, so I can forgive not learning everything about them in their first appearance. And the thing is, the sequence with the imposter Sinclair (bravo to Blaine Gibson for being able to flip a coin––heheh––from friendly recruit Sinclair to Evil!Sinclair) offered us a good glimpse into who they are as fighters. Especially in recent years, Rooster Teeth fights are a chance to really get an idea for the character (and for that I wholeheartedly thank Monty Oum) and how they handle dangerous situations. Yasamin is clearly someone who can jump into a fight and hold her own without hesitation, Iida is someone who will jump right into a fight, Valentina will keep her distance but can still be quite deadly, and Cammie is a scared little bean...who with a little encouragement can still be helpful.

Now, the Sinclair reveal was a slight bit predictable if you picked up the hints in Character Reveal Teaser 4 (which I hadn’t, and in retrospect was blatantly obvious). The fact that it was predictable was the source of derision by some of the more gen:CRIT crowd, but honestly? I don’t see predictability as a sign of whether something’s good or not. Things can be predictable and still be fun to watch, so long as it’s delivered in an entertaining manner. And we got a pretty awesome fight sequence out of it.

I’ve seen a few people say that the jokes in this show feel forced. I’m inclined to disagree. The type of humor Gray and Evan are employing in the writing is more grounded than the kind you see in RWBY or Red vs. Blue or Camp Camp: it’s designed to feel more natural to the conversations these characters are having, while also not taking attention away from the more serious aspects of the story. Most of Rooster Teeth’s core group (more recent additions less-so) know how to create an engaging story based in serious tones, but they never really stray from their comedy roots––Day 5, their most dramatic venture to date, was a lot funnier than the concept would’ve implied because Josh and Chris knew where to inject humor when it would be desperately needed. This episode isn’t very different: the drama of Chase basically coming back from the dead gets natural moments of levity from his and Migas brief Siege mention and Dr. Weller being disappointed that he couldn’t participate in the reveal; the tension between Chase and Miranda gets a moment where Miranda refuses to hear out Migas on visiting Chase, a moment that can draw laughs while also being realistic to her and Chase’s actual situation; Chase popping up behind Fake!Sinclair and saying “Boo,” which...actually that was more a legit joke, but I laughed really hard. What I mean to say is gen:LOCK is not trying to be a comedy, but Rooster Teeth knows how and when to make its audience laugh.

(save for Red vs. Blue Season 16 of course...)

Conclusions

Another solid episode of gen:LOCK, and a little more interesting one than “The Pilot” because it delves into the meatier stuff that this series is going to follow. Stellar vocal performances by the cast give us a sense of the relationships that need to be picked up in the four years since the war began, and some amazing fighting shows us gen:LOCK means business as an action series.

My only concern is that the way this episode is formatted it doesn’t quite stand on its own in the way “The Pilot” did, but the fact that it was released alongside “The Pilot” worked in its favor, since both episodes give us a good ground to establish what this show is looking to do, and hopefully further episodes will follow on that.

I’ve said enough about people who were predisposed to hate the show commenting on this episode, but I wanna say this also: people. We are two episodes in. The show premiered less than a week ago. There isn’t a whole lot of content to draw from to know where it’s going. Be a little more patient.

[galfridus1]

Another fic for my collab project with @maybeishouldwait - thanks so much Beth for writing these with me!

@princessfroslass said via message: Congratuations for the 500 followers! Could you do a Melizabeth one-shot with “You don’t have to pretend with me”? :3

Thanks so much for asking, and I really am sorry for being tardy with the response. Here’s some Melizabeth :)

“She really is cute isn’t she. What an adorable little girl.”

Meliodas gazed out at the castle grounds, his eyes fixed on the silver-haired child running with abandon across the field, arms outstretched as if in flight and head thrown back in laughter. She was followed close behind by two others, both running at her full pelt. Her siblings, having longer legs, caught up with Elizabeth easily and knocked her to the daisy-dusted ground, the three of them giggling like crazy as they rolled in the dry summer grass. The picture of perfect family life, the family he could never have.

Amidst the fun of the game, Elizabeth stood on stubby legs, wobbling slightly. Catching sight of her knight, she waved enthusiastically towards Meliodas, who grinned from ear to ear as he responded in kind. Veronica scowled, her displeasure evident even from this distance, and quickly pulled Elizabeth back into the game. He had no idea why she disliked him so much.

“Have you often seen her this age?” Merlin asked, her amber eyes boring into him, as usual seeking information she had no right to know. Meliodas sighed, he hated talking about Elizabeth’s past lives, as if they weren’t painful enough the first time round. But this was Merlin and, as he knew from long experience, resistance was futile.

“More times than I’d like, being honest. It makes things pretty awkward,” Meliodas replied, his eyes returning to the small girl at play.

“Why?” Merlin turned her face towards him, staring at him, a slight smile curving her lips. Meliodas sighed; he should have realised Merlin was not to be fobbed off. “I mean, what difference does it make what age she is?” Merlin continued into the silence. “I understand this is painful, but…”

“There’s always the possibility that her life will end young if I find her as a child,” Meliodas explained his fingers digging into the rough stone of the wall he and Merlin were sitting on. It had been a nice, lonely spot, the perfect place to keep an eye on Elizabeth until his companion of old had turned up. Now he was having to answer a bunch of questions he really did not want to tackle. “She can’t die until I’ve found her, right?” he continued. “If she’s an old woman already at least she’s had a long life for once. If she’s an infant, all bets are off.”

Meliodas focused his attention on the children still playing on the castle lawn. He looked relaxed, but his guard was not down: aside from being Princess Elizabeth’s personal Holy Knight, he had also sworn to protect her and, even in the near-absolute safety of the grounds of Liones Castle his senses were on full alert. Right now, the most likely threat came from the girls themselves. Margaret was a responsible child, but Veronica tended to be a little boisterous with play.

“Do you ever see her as an old woman?” Merlin asked in surprise. “I thought… well, I presumed that…”

“I know,” Meliodas said curtly. “Yes, usually she does die pretty young but there has been one occasion where she made it to a ripe old age. I took me a while to find her. I was…” Meliodas bit on his lower lip, his hands clenched into fists which he scraped on the wall. He had absolutely no desire to relive that experience.

“You were what?” Merlin asked unperturbed and Meliodas sighed; she never did know when to let go.

“I… it was the first time I tried… anyway it didn’t work. I woke up in Purgatory of all places. He kept me there for years. By the time I got out, Elizabeth was an old woman. She’d married someone else.” At this, Meliodas’s playful voice broke slightly as the memory of seeing his goddess in the arms of another, forced itself into his consciousness. It had nearly killed him, if that were possible of course. It was almost worse than seeing her die.

“She always loves me, no matter what her age,” Meliodas spat, his hands clenching into fists in his lap as Merlin continued to stare at him. “Even if she’s a small child she seeks me out.”

“The power of true love I suppose,” Merlin said thoughtfully.

“You think so?” Meliodas’ eyes narrowed slightly, the only sign of his perturbation.

“Well… yes. Don’t you too?” Merlin asked, her eyes widening slightly.

Meliodas looked out towards the grounds, his hearts aching as his eyes fell on the child in question. Elizabeth was laughing as she danced lightly across the ground, a sound that he usually found soothing. Now it felt more like a knife sticking in his chest. “No,” he acknowledged. “For me, it just brings home the reality; that this damn curse controls our lives. If we find each other when she’s grown, I can kid myself it’s genuine affection. But if she shows these feelings as a child? Well, then I know they must be fabricated.”

“You don't think Elizabeth loves you?” Merlin asked, incredulously. “After all these millennia…”

“She doesn’t. Not in the real sense,” Meliodas said softly, his bright green eyes shining. “Her feelings are pre-programmed. That’s why she comes to me even when she’s a little baby. The emotion is already there. I never earn it.”

“I think you are mistaken.” Meliodas’s fingers clenched, scraping across the rough stone. He ought to have known Merlin would not understand. There had been partners of course, but none that ever truly touched her heart; he wondered if she even knew what true love entailed. He knew he ought to let the argument go and appear to accept Merlin’s wisdom, but something in him would not let him give way. She was always so sure, so certain that she could articulate how the world worked. It was infuriating and he would prove her wrong.

“Well, you know more about this curse than anyone. Are you telling me it’s not a possibility?” he asked lightly, forcing his voice to assume its usual playful timbre. He felt a rush of satisfaction as Merlin’s head dropped, her eyes focusing on the hands in her lap. Got you he thought as he continued to regard her in silence, almost able to see the way her mind was working. “Come on, you don’t have to pretend with me. I’ve met her one hundred and seven times now; I know what I’ve seen.”

Lips pursed, Merlin took several deep breaths, her chest visibly rising and falling as she considered her next move. “I have a question,” she finally murmured, her lips a severe, thin line. “Do you love her?”

“What?” Meliodas asked, his eyes snapping to Merlin’s in an instant. “What do you mean?”

“What I say. Do you love her?” Merlin returned his gaze with no sign of discomfort and Meliodas suddenly felt his hearts beating wildly.

“Of course,” he spluttered. How could she ask that? In what way could he have left any room for doubt. “Do you think…”

“What I mean is, how do you know your feelings for her are real?” The challenge in Merlin’s glare was unmistakable, her grin triumphant. “If her’s are ‘pre-programmed’ what’s so different about yours?

“What is love anyway?” Merlin continued as Meliodas forced himself to stay calm. He placed his hands round the back of his head, smiling slightly as he regarded Elizabeth once again. It was nearly tea time and the children’s governess had come to find her charges and usher them back to the palace. Meliodas watched carefully as the party made their way back across the lawn, checking Elizabeth made it safely into the castle. He then rose, determined to follow her, thankful that her departure gave him an excuse to leave.

“You can’t answer can you?” Merlin crowed, her cherry lips curved upwards in an undeniable smirk. She always did like thinking she was right. “My view it doesn’t really matter anyway. If you feel it, it’s real. And Elizabeth feels it. Definitely. You must know that…”

“Got to go.” Meliodas quickly stepped away from the sorceress, heading back towards the castle. He was more angry than he had been for a while, and his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides as he worked to control his temper. He would not give Merlin the satisfaction of showing how much she had riled him, but her words nagged at his brain as he walked. What if he did not love Elizabeth? If it was all the curse…

“Mewiodas, will ooo come and pway with me?”

With a start he looked down as Elizabeth wrapped her arms round his legs, nearly knocking him to the floor and he smiled. Whatever the curse did to them in the future, they had each other today.

[buywindows10pr0-blog]

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[marksburyscripts]

Episode 13-- Less Than a Theory

Google Doc

Content Warnings: -Cancer -Talk of potential murder of a parent -Implied suicidal ideology

[Pre-episode announcement]

Hey, everyone! Victor Stark here with just a couple quick announcements. First off: We are approaching the end of The Marksbury Incident season one! The season finale will be episode fifteen, which is currently expected to release on May 8th. After that, we will be taking a brief hiatus as we prepare for season two and give the cast a well-deserved break. 

“But Victor!” You may be thinking. “How am I supposed to get my fix of Frankenstein retellings while Marksbury is on a break?” I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is I don’t know. That’s on you. But the good news is it won’t always have to be! Orbituary is an upcoming podcast about the crew of the U.S.S Prometheus. It’s Frankenstein in space! What could be better than that? The fact that they’re casting, that’s what! And even better than that, they’re especially looking for actors of color, and accents not often heard in podcasts.You can learn more @OrbituaryPod on Twitter.

That’s all from me for today, and another huge thank you to everyone who’s stuck with us throughout this. We all appreciate it more than I could possibly say.

And keep an eye out. There are plenty more stories to tell.

--

[The cemetery. Night. There is the sound of a phone ringing, and it goes to Evelynn’s voicemail]

EVELYNN

Hey, it’s Evelynn! I can’t come to the phone--

VICTOR

...Nope. [He sighs and hangs up] Stupid…. [Beat.] Nothing good ever comes of this, I-- I don’t know why I keep doing it. “Go for a walk, Victor, it’ll be good for you. Who cares if it’s the middle of the night, it’ll be fine.” But you know, facing fears and everything. And I'm not exactly supposed to be here after dark. If that groundskeeper sees me, he might just have a heart attack. I haven’t seen him since the day he told me about that woman, though, so maybe he quit? [Beat.] And what's a trespassing charge after everything I've been through, right? [He laughs, but it fades] Plus, I… I need to think. 

...It wasn't the cancer that killed you, was it, mom? I know that now. She did. You knew something, and she made sure that no one else found out. And now I’m here. I’m finding out. That’s gotta be the connection, right? Something happened the night I…. [A breath] You know. Something happened, and she… found me. Latched on. And now she knows that I know something. It all makes sense, it’s just the details now. 

VICTOR (Cont.)

...Do I want the details? I told Christine that time that I’m done looking into things that people shouldn’t know about. That was just to try and get her to stop worrying about it in case things got dangerous. And that clearly didn’t work. She’s resilient, that’s for sure. I’ve… contacted Professor Crane. He... hasn’t gotten back to me. Maybe he just hasn’t checked his email, but I know that’s unlikely. He obviously doesn’t want to get involved. Can’t say I blame him.

I… don’t have much to go off of. It’s difficult. I can get a few words from your journal, but it’s almost impossible to get anything accurate because of the different languages. Certain words meaning different things only within certain contexts. Even translation programs are falling short. Heck, I can’t even figure out what languages some of the words are. But… that was probably the point. [Sigh] ...I can get the gist of it, though. You found out about… something. Something dangerous, something that… I think you were trying to stop. Is that right? 

VICTOR (Cont.)

[Laughs] ...This is way above my pay grade. At this point, I’m-- I’m just talkin’ in circles. “Mom knew something, I don’t know anything.” How many different ways can I say it? Don’t expect any novels from me. [He laughs again] I’d lay out the facts and try to make some deductions, but… what facts do I even have? Next to nothing. No. No, not even next to nothing. I have nothing. I-- I almost want to find out if I can… summon her or something, just to get some information. But there’s no guarantee she would actually tell me anything. And even if she did, it’s no use to me if I’m dead. 

[There is a long, contemplative silence]

VICTOR (Cont.)

...Maybe I should just leave. Get a nice little cabin in the middle of nowhere and let everyone go about their lives without any of… this. Let the world forget that Victor Frankenstein ever existed. [He scoffs] There was a time when being forgotten was one of my biggest fears, remember? When I only ever wanted to be someone. My name in the most prestigious textbooks and research papers for years to come. You told me that anything was possible with hard work and dedication. So, what's the hard work I need to make sure that I slip into obscurity? 

VICTOR (Cont.)

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean, I am completely at a loss. Should I even be doing anything? Wouldn't it just be easier to accept that this is how it is, and roll with the punches? ...No. No, I can't do that. As much as I want to, I'm in this now. No turning back. And I'm more lost than I've ever been. I don’t--

[There is the sound of a twig snapping in the distance. Victor freezes, but after a few second of silence, he decides that it was nothing and continues]

VICTOR (Cont.)

God, look at me. Jumping at shadows. It-- it’s just sad at this point. If this is how I am with the stupid amount of anxiety meds I’m on, can’t imagine what I’d be like if I didn’t have them. I’d probably be curled up in a corner somewhere just waiting for something to come and finish me off.

[There is the sound of a zipper as Victor rummages through his bag. He pulls out a lighter and cigarettes, and we hear him light one]

VICTOR (Cont.)

...Yeah. I smoke now. What’re you gonna do, ground me? After everything I’ve been dealing with, I think I deserve this much, if it helps me calm down even a little bit. Christine and Henry have been on me about it, though, so I haven’t been going through as many lately. Just last week, Henry flushed the only one I had left down the toilet. I wanted to be mad, but y’know, I can’t really blame him. He’s just trying to help. Both of them are. With everything. And as much as I appreciate it, because believe me, I do… we all know that they’re just as clueless as I am. 

VICTOR (Cont.)

...I need you, mom. I need you to tell me my next step. I-- I have no idea, I-- I have people who need me to figure this out. Henry and Christine, whether they'll admit it or not, we all know that it's up to me. Henry's already seen firsthand what can happen if things go too far, and if I don't sort this all out, if I don't stop it, who's to say it won't be even worse? They’re all I have, I can’t lose them. I can't let that happen, mom. I won't be able to take it. [About to cry] I…. I can't be alone again. 

VICTOR (Cont.)

[A deep breath as he calms down]

Right. Anyway. [A short, sad laugh] I uh-- I've been trying to focus on work. Which is still terrible. But I've been so out of it lately, I need to make sure I don't get fired. Plus all the time I've missed just because I couldn't bring myself to go…. Basically, I'm on thin ice. Everyone's pretty understanding, they know I've been going through a rough time. But still, they can only excuse so much. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells on that front. Like one mistake could be the nail in the coffin. Like I need any more stress in my life, right? [Laughs] I mean, I’m sure if worse came to worse, Henry’s dad would let me work for him for a bit, but I feel like I’d be even worse at that than I am at retail. I don’t even drive my own car if I can help it, forget about fixing them. And I like Henry’s family, I wouldn’t wanna risk accidentally blowing up their main source of income. And of course, there’s the fact that I’m the reason their son was in a coma for almost a year, so uh, if they ever found that out, they might be a little upset.

VICTOR (Cont.)

...I’m scared, mom. I’m scared, and I-- I just wish you were here to tell me that it’s gonna be okay. ...God, I sound like a child. But it’s true. I’m not cut out for this. Give me figures and numbers, I’ll work any problem out like it’s nothing. But this is… unknown territory. Where do I even begin? Where did you begin? How did you even get involved in-- in any of this? Did you seek it out? Or were you a victim of circumstance, just like me?

VICTOR (Cont.)

I’ve come to accept that there are a lot of things I don’t understand in the world. I thought I’d solved life’s greatest mystery. But as it turns out, all I did was unlock the door to a labyrinth of puzzles the likes of which mankind had never dared try to unravel. There’s so much more… to everything than I ever imagined. And I hate it. I hate not knowing how any of this works, not knowing the rules these things follow. People vanishing into thin air, women with no bodies…. I’ve tried to research, but there’s nothing credible. I don’t know a thing. ...Well, I guess that’s not completely true. I know that whatever’s going on, whatever you started, mom… I’m gonna finish it.

ERIK

Always so sure of yourself, aren’t you, Creator?

[Victor takes a sharp, frightened inhale, and the recording ends]

NEXT EPISODE➝