#document generator plug-in

[duocloud2021]

For Boost Participation, Make a Qr Code Using a Google Form!

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[so-many-ocs]

practical writing advice

part 2

avoid writing in bed if you can. writing in bed is the mind-killer. writing in bed is the little death that brings obliteration. you may think "but i can write AND be cozy" you will get sleepy so fast. 98% of the time when i try to get a nighttime writing session done in bed i go to sleep. maybe 70% of the time if it's an afternoon writing session. also it fucking kills your wrists.

STRETCH before writing. stretch as many parts of your body as possible ESPECIALLY YOUR WRISTS! i have chronic tendonitis in both of my arms from not doing this and it is manageable but it is Not Fun!

plug your phone in on the other side of the room. better yet, plug it in and leave it in another room. better yet, power it off and leave it in another room. "i'll just check one quick thing" do not underestimate the power of the doomscroll.

do a warmup. look up writing prompts (i like one-word prompts or prompts that focus on a general theme as it's easier to integrate into my writing style), set a timer for fifteen minutes, or ten, or five, and go ham. make it shitty or incomprehensible, as long as you make it. create a dump document for all your warmups. i currently have two novels in the works that started as one of these fifteen minute little warmups.

pick your background noise ahead of time if you use it, and look for something long. i listen to 3-hour-long silent hill ambient mixes on youtube dot com.

take breaks. around every 45 minutes, as i'm noticing myself begin to lose focus, i get up, grab a drink, get my blood flowing, and give myself some space to breathe.

sometimes i sit down to write and i think "every atom in my body is averse to doing this right now. i would rather dance barefoot on a bed of nails than open my laptop and start typing." and you know what i do? i go do something else instead. don't force it! it will become a chore.

that being said! write as often as possible. try to write every day. try to write at the same time. don't beat yourself up if you can’t, BUT the more often you write, the more often you'll want to write.

if you're stuck on a scene or a page or a chapter, go back to the last place where you felt like you knew what you were doing and start writing from there. keep a copy of your other writing in case you want to reuse it or refer back!

i don't know if this is something that will be helpful for other people but i start mentally preparing myself for my writing session a few hours ahead of time. i will say to myself, "today, at this time, i'm gonna sit down and write that scene where mina walks out on her book club, and it's going to be awesome and i'm looking forward to it." then, by the time i actually begin, i basically have the whole thing written out in my head and can just put it down to paper. it's a good way to at least kickstart the session !

ok thanks bye

[ms-demeanor]

thoughts on using library computers to disguise your digital footprint? because if the machine gets wiped when you log out, and the library doesn't keep detailed records of what machine you were using when, then all someone else would have is IP data unconnected to a person and also mixed in with whatever else folks were doing on the library computers

The machine absolutely does not get wiped when you log out and there's very little chance that a library computer will let you fire up Tor. You're better off using a traffic anonymizer than you are trying to use public computers to cover your tracks. The IP address IS the big risk here.

Libraries are generally really good about protecting their patrons' privacy and I respect the hell out of them for that but computers log everything that you do and can be subpoenaed as evidence even if the library wants to protect user privacy.

Also, I love libraries but you should treat every public computer you come across like it has a keylogger installed on it because it might. Your city could have an overzealous city council that has more control than it should over the library board and has taken it upon themselves to add covenanteyes to the library computers. Your library crew could be fantastic but less tech-savvy than is ideal and may not realize it if malware is installed on one of the machines. The library may clear browser history twice a day but the ISP still has a record of where you went and what time you went there. Somebody could have literally plugged a keylogger into a USB port on the back of the machine.

The point of a traffic anonymizer is it hides where the traffic originated; each node knows where the previous hop came from and where the next hop went, but not what came BEFORE the previous hop or what happened after, or how long the chain was, so there is no way to tell if a message originated in the US or Brazil or Vietnam or Sweden. Sending traffic from a library does the opposite of this, and very clearly says "the person who sent this message did so from this geographic area; they sent messages from these five libraries so we know they're probably within X distance of these libraries" which is a hell of a lot easier to look for than "I can't even say what continent these messages originated from."

Let us say that you go to a library to log in to your protonmail account and email a journalist a link to a file that you've saved in cryptpad. You have the link written down so you don't have to go to a secondary site and you just go sit down directly at the computer and log in to protonmail and fire off your email to the journalist. The email is encrypted, so you know the contents of the email are safe. Let's say the browser history gets automatically wiped every time you close it, and you close it as soon as you stand up and walk away. Here's the incriminating information that generated:

IP address where you accessed your protonmail account

Your protonmail email address, the journalist's address, the time you sent the email, the subject line of the email

And here are the people who can be subpoenaed to share some or all of that information with the government:

The Library's ISP

The Library, who may not carefully track users but who do have event logs on the computers and traffic logs on the firewall

Protonmail

IF you only ever logged in to your protonmail account from that ISP one time, and if you've never logged in to your protonmail account anywhere that is close to your house or your job, you may be fine. But if you logged in to your protonmail on your personal cellphone at work so that you could send photos of documents to yourself, there's some data tying that account to a local IP address. If you set up the protonmail account on a whim at a coffee shop, there's some data tying that account to a local IP address. If you get an email back from the journalist and go to another local library to open it, there's some data tying that account to another local IP address.

And that gets narrowed down very quickly. "Who has access to these sensitive and leak-worthy documents through working at this entity who also lives within a 100 mile radius of these three login locations? Is it 50 people? Is it 5 people? Of the 15 people who have access to these sensitive and leak-worthy documents who work at this entity and live within 100 miles of the three login locations, who is likely to be doing the leaking? Do we fire them all? Do we interview them? Do we compare IP addresses that they've used to log in to work remotely and find that two of them have logged in at the coffee shop? Of those two, one has facebook selfies in a maga hat and the other has a less visible online presence. Let's check their traffic history. Did they check tumblr on a lunch break? Maybe once or twice? Maybe a few times? Sure seems like they are pretty dead-set against the administration. Let's double-check the access logs for this information. Let's review security footage. Let's install the monitoring on their workstation."

The thing is, they're not going to catch you leaking and then track down all the data you left behind to confirm it; they're going to see a leak and get a bunch of digital footprints and use that to narrow down suspect pools. They already know that access to the data is limited and will be reviewing prior access and carefully monitoring future access. You are already in their suspect pool by already being one of the people with known access to the data. Adding an IP address that is geographically close to you, even if it isn't your home IP address, to that is not going to make it *harder* to find you, it can only make it easier.

So just use Tor. You're safer using an anonymizer, which you likely can't do on a library computer. Create the leak email address when you're in a Tor browser, and only EVER access that email account from Tor.

Also I don't mean to jump on you about this, but between the post I've got about why you shouldn't use your work computer to torrent and the safer leaking practices post it's clear that people really don't understand what information they're leaving behind when they use computers and the internet, or how it can be a risk to them.

Accessing burner accounts from a clear IP address means that they're not burner accounts anymore, they're burned.

[wiptw]

Pokémon Stadium Series

Nintendo 64 - Nintendo - 2000 to 2001

You as a Pokémon fan are absolutely fucking spoiled these days. Aside from the mainline games you have spinoffs and fangames offering different experiences, you have entire websites dedicated to documenting everything down to the internal maths of the series, there's no end to the free content you can access with an internet connection between emulators and battle sites like 'Showdown!', and it's now socially acceptable in most circles to be older than 13 and have something with Pikachu's face plastered on it (especially if you're female presenting, especially if your friend group is also infected with the Pokémon hype). Back in my day™ you had almost none of this. You had the anime on Saturday mornings, you had the early run Pokémon licensed merch which WOULD get you called a baby if you continued buying past 10-12, and you had the games. Those sweet, sweet games that indoctrinated a generation of young people into being gamers and awoke a horde of JRPG addicts.

Literally Me

So remember this when I tell you that Pokémon Stadium, both one and two, aren't great games because they do something back then that you can't get today; they're great for what they did back then. So Pokemon Stadium 1&2 were a duology of games from 2000 and 2001 respectively that allowed players to battle Pokemon in 3D, with the addition of some side content such as minigames included to prevent the game from being 100% Pokemon battles. Because otherwise, the game is in fact navigating a series of menus and completing Pokémon battles with 3D models.

Whether it's taking on the gym gauntlets, the marathon of battles in the Pokémon cups, or just free battles with friends and loved ones, 98% of the experience is either selecting Pokémon from a roster of pre-built 'rentals' or transferring them from a saved game using the Transfer Pak, then fighting them in a series of 3D environments. An experience which you can definitely do today using web apps but as I said earlier, we didn't have that.

The peak of Pokémon battles in 2000

So if you're buying Pokémon Stadium (either version really) you're already probably a Pokémon fan right? So that means you have Red/Blue/Yellow/Gold/Silver/Crystal, so why not just play that game and get the full experience? The fun of exploring, talking to NPCs, discovering new and exotic locations? Simple, because in those games battles looked like this

While in Stadium, battles looked like this

If you grew up watching the anime while playing the Gameboy games, there was this special kind of dissonance where you might find yourself saying "Yeah, (for the time) these graphics are RADICAL but I wish I had something closer to these cool Pokémon Battles they had in the anime." As you hide under the covers with your Gameboy Color worm light, nestled in your Ash Ketchum pajamas while you attempt for the 100th time to capture a ditto. Pokémon Stadium was the answer to this dissonance, providing you with vibrant 3D graphics unlike anything you'd ever seen before; bringing Pokémon to life in a way that would be unmatched until Colosseum came out during the Gamecube era.

So, to actual mechanics, you play both games pretty similarly; by building a team of Pokémon (either on your handheld or by using the rental mons the game provides) and take part in a series of battles to become the ultimate battle master. To use your own Pokémon, you'd need to use the aforementioned 'Transfer Pak' to plug in a copy of Red/Blue/Yellow (for 1) or Gold/Silver/Crystal (for 2) with a game saved to the cartridge; otherwise the rental Pokémon covered all released Pokémon (except for some hidden ones) allowing you to build your dream team, sans a few caveats here and there.

Evolved Pokémon have better stats but worse moves, while weaker Pokémon tend to have better moves to compensate

In terms of WHERE you can battle, there's two choices: Either in the Gym Leader Castle, or the Tournaments held in the center of the map on either game. Either way, the game will then have you battle through a series of 3v3 matches versus a set number of trainers who will also select 3 random mons from their full team of six.

A bit bare bones, but there's some spice to how things are run. For one, the rental system was a huge thing for us younger players back in the day. Even if you had the games some Pokémon were hard to catch, had evolution requirements some players couldn't complete (like the trade-mons), or were locked to a version you didn't have. The rental mons give you a list of every Pokémon (some exceptions, but not many) and then lets you build your dream team. Sure, you can't set their moves, EVs, IVs, and it's the era before abilities and natures but I CAN HAVE A MEOWTH/PERSIAN ON MY TEAM. Do you know what I had to do as a child to have this Pokémon outside of Stadium? I had to find someone in the American South who also enjoyed Pokémon, hoped they had Blue instead of Red, hoped they had a link cable, then get them to agree to a trade despite both of us being children (and therefore, objectively terrible) which likely meant giving away a rare Pokémon in exchange for what amounted to common garbage in their game because it was Version fucking Exclusivity™ and everyone seemed to know that meant you'd do anything to get that one fucking Pokémon you wanted.

In the handheld games, if you wanted to build your dream team then likely you'd have to put in some more effort than other games of the time would've required of you. With Stadium, your dreams come true, and if you already have that dream team you can just import them to fight in glorious 3D. Circumventing the fact that rental Pokémon are kinda terrible overall.

Don't feel like building? The challenge cup mode that gives you randomized team comps that has it's own charm (for masochists)

Not to say all of them were bad but construct a normal distribution of 'Good' to 'Bad' picks then that graph is gonna skew left so hard you'd be forgiven for thinking it was just a straight line. To keep every choice 'viable' Pokémon rentals were balanced around stats and moves. More powerful evolved Pokémon and Pokémon with high Base Stat Totals (BST) were given weaker moves and first form and low BST Pokémon were given generally better moves. Charizard might have better stats than Charmeleon and Charmander but his only fire type move is going to be something like Fire Spin. Conversely, Charmander might have Fire Blast but his stats are gonna make him an easy target for the computer's pokemon, which are not bound to the same builds as the rental mons you're using.

Once your team is assembled, then you're off to battle trainer after trainer after trainer with beautifully scored (for the Nintendo 64) soundtracks giving you an unearned sense of importance every step of the way. Battles themselves are conducted with a weird, but functional control layout where A and B access sub menus you then check with the R button before finalizing with the c-buttons, which on original hardware or a USB N64 controller is fine but on emulation with a more modern controller like Logitech, can be a little nerve wracking as you worry about whether your 'up' input on the control stick was up enough for the game or if you accidentally drifted right or left using an unintended move.

fun fact: the name of imported Pokémon affects their coloration in Stadium

Battles are also largely regulated by (at the time) tournament standard rules. Little and Pokecup have level restrictions, and all three non-random cups include clauses for sleep, held items, and repeat Pokémon. Additionally, in any cup if you win the round with all 3 Pokémon still in tact, you're granted a continue; meaning you can retry the battle if you lose. Additionally, there is no 'draw' outcome in these games. Use a move like Explosion or Selfdestruct and the game will register it as your loss on your final Pokémon, regardless of whether you took down the opposing fighter with you or not.

You'll be doing a LOT of back-to-back fights here against trainers with varied team comps, but even with over 246 Pokémon in the available potential lineup you'll get tired fast of fighting. This is, however, slightly mitigated by the 3v3 nature of the matches but even so be ready to here the same Pokémon noises, watch the same effects play out, and wait for the same health bars to tick down over and over as you claw your way to the spot of Pokémon Master.

The art style of non-battle scenes like the main map and minigame plaza have that nice, 90's charm to them as well.

If you do get tired of battling it out, then Stadium 1 and 2 both offer minigames for players to partake in. Either in a tournament format or by using the free-play browser, players are able to take part in a multitude of different Mario Party-esque (without the hand burning) minigames featuring the Pokémon as stars. Minigames consist of stick twirling, button mashing, and point collecting all while controlling fan favorite Pokémon such as Togepi, Eevee, Scyther, and Pichu with no real rhyme or reason behind why these game exist aside from a amusement park theming the minigame zones have for their icons and menus.

You won't get a real explanation as to why you're racing Donphans, cutting logs as Scythers and Pinsirs, or playing Simon Says with a bunch of Clefairy, but you don't really need that either. The games are fun, the models are charming, and watching Clefairy get smacked in the head for each wrong input brings me a level of joy I should probably talk about with my therapist. You won't likely spend hours in this mode, but it's a nice breather from the onslaught of battles otherwise.

fun fact: I still won't talk to some people because of the outcomes to Rampage Rollout over two decades ago. You know who you are.

Additionally there's a quiz minigame separate from the main selection of minigames with easy/normal/hard difficulty selections. Players compete to see who can be the first to get a number of questions correct before anyone else based on facts about the Pokémon (typing, size, silhouette, etc) or facts about the game (where you can find things in the game, names of routes and towns, names of figures in the game).

It's not the most challenging on easy or normal, but playing on hard the game will try to screw you with trick questions so playing with others becomes a balance of "do I let the question play out, or attempt to steal it before someone else can answer correctly?"

Sometimes even playing the game won't prepare you for how out of pocket the questions can get

The real advantage of 2 over 1 is that, in addition to minigames, the game has the trainer academy; a kind of in-depth battle tutorial to teach players not only the basics of Pokémon fighting, but also some secrets as well

You can learn about held items, a feature new to the second generation, as well as participate in mock battles to demonstrate the materials you've been reading and quizzed on. Some of this information for the time too was obscure or hidden knowledge, like the fact that using Defense Curl before using Rollout would boost the damage significantly or that using Stomp on an opponent who used minimize would double the damage.

Some type matchups just make sense, like Ground v Electric.

Overall though what really makes this game is the presentation. The soundtrack does a great job selling the feeling Nintendo wants you to experience, climbing the ladder in a tournament or the Gym Leaders Castle makes you feel powerful, and the little details on top of it all just tie it together in a nice package.

The fights, for example, are also narrated by "The Announcer". A bombastic voice shouting over every detail of a fight. When you score a crit, when you apply a status effect, even using certain moves will get the announcer loudly narrating each detail like a Pokémon prize fight. Seeing the ground rip apart when you use Earthquake is only half the charm, the other half comes from that man yelling in your ears "A DEVESTATING EARTHQUAKE ATTACK!". Clearing gyms or clearing opponents in one of the cups grants you gym badges, a dream for any child growing up on the handheld classics or watching the anime who wished they too could earn shiny bits of metal that gave them an inflated sense of importance.

I would literally kill everyone I came across if it'd get me a real life Zephyr Badge.

Stadium 1 and 2 aren't evergreen classics. They're stuck in Gens 1 and 2 respectively, the roster of Pokémon while impressive is largely useless and makes collecting trophies way harder than it has to be, and the games were made before things like abilities and double battles were introduced, leading to the Pokémon battling game missing out on the generation of Pokémon that made battling more fun (Revolution doesn't count, Revolution is dead to me and disappoints me more than I disappoint myself.)

But for the time especially, it gave fans an opportunity to experience a form of Pokémon more advanced than what the handhelds could output. It was a window into a world of potential that wouldn't be truly fulfilled until arguably the 3DS era of Pokémon released, and gave fans a fun little romp handcrafted for them at every twist and turn. Whether you were a gamer or you enjoyed the anime, there was something here for you.

Overall: 7/10 Sound: 8/10 (for the time) Graphics: 9/10 (for the time) Memorable Moments: Stadium 1: Hearing about Mewtwo, thinking he was an urban legend, then finding out he wasn't Stadium 2: Finally beating the elite 4 using only rental mons.

[ayeforscotland]

What is Dataflow?

This post is inspired by another post about the Crowd Strike IT disaster and a bunch of people being interested in what I mean by Dataflow. Dataflow is my absolute jam and I'm happy to answer as many questions as you like on it. I even put referential pictures in like I'm writing an article, what fun!

I'll probably split this into multiple parts because it'll be a huge post otherwise but here we go!

A Brief History

Our world is dependent on the flow of data. It exists in almost every aspect of our lives and has done so arguably for hundreds if not thousands of years.

At the end of the day, the flow of data is the flow of knowledge and information. Normally most of us refer to data in the context of computing technology (our phones, PCs, tablets etc) but, if we want to get historical about it, the invention of writing and the invention of the Printing Press were great leaps forward in how we increased the flow of information.

Modern Day IT exists for one reason - To support the flow of data.

Whether it's buying something at a shop, sitting staring at an excel sheet at work, or watching Netflix - All of the technology you interact with is to support the flow of data.

Understanding and managing the flow of data is as important to getting us to where we are right now as when we first learned to control and manage water to provide irrigation for early farming and settlement.

Engineering Rigor

When the majority of us turn on the tap to have a drink or take a shower, we expect water to come out. We trust that the water is clean, and we trust that our homes can receive a steady supply of water.

Most of us trust our central heating (insert boiler joke here) and the plugs/sockets in our homes to provide gas and electricity. The reason we trust all of these flows is because there's been rigorous engineering standards built up over decades and centuries.

For example, Scottish Water will understand every component part that makes up their water pipelines. Those pipes, valves, fitting etc will comply with a national, or in some cases international, standard. These companies have diagrams that clearly map all of this out, mostly because they have to legally but also because it also vital for disaster recovery and other compliance issues.

Modern IT

And this is where modern day IT has problems. I'm not saying that modern day tech is a pile of shit. We all have great phones, our PCs can play good games, but it's one thing to craft well-designed products and another thing entirely to think about they all work together.

Because that is what's happened over the past few decades of IT. Organisations have piled on the latest plug-and-play technology (Software or Hardware) and they've built up complex legacy systems that no one really knows how they all work together. They've lost track of how data flows across their organisation which makes the work of cybersecurity, disaster recovery, compliance and general business transformation teams a nightmare.

Some of these systems are entirely dependent on other systems to operate. But that dependency isn't documented. The vast majority of digital transformation projects fail because they get halfway through and realise they hadn't factored in a system that they thought was nothing but was vital to the organisation running.

And this isn't just for-profit organisations, this is the health services, this is national infrastructure, it's everyone.

There's not yet a single standard that says "This is how organisations should control, manage and govern their flows of data."

Why is that relevant to the companies that were affected by Crowd Strike? Would it have stopped it?

Maybe, maybe not. But considering the global impact, it doesn't look like many organisations were prepared for the possibility of a huge chunk of their IT infrastructure going down.

Understanding dataflows help with the preparation for events like this, so organisations can move to mitigate them, and also the recovery side when they do happen. Organisations need to understand which systems are a priority to get back operational and which can be left.

The problem I'm seeing from a lot of organisations at the moment is that they don't know which systems to recover first, and are losing money and reputation while they fight to get things back online. A lot of them are just winging it.

Conclusion of Part 1

Next time I can totally go into diagramming if any of you are interested in that.

How can any organisation actually map their dataflow and what things need to be considered to do so. It'll come across like common sense, but that's why an actual standard is so desperately needed!

[pwettybbybunny]

E-Whore (GN! Cam Boy/Girl Reader x HSR's Simps )

Veritas Ratio | Sunday | Blade | Jing Yuan (different scenarios for each men ♡)

Being a Trailblazer is amazing, but since it technically made you jobless, you needed some way to fund your shopping sprees when you visit new planets, so while some of your crewmates resort to farming calyx, you chose the easy way.

You had a hot body and you knew how to use it, making you an instant hit on the streaming site, moreover, as the site connected to servers in multiple galaxies, the chances of anyone you knew or will meet in real life knowing your side hustle are slim enough to never happen, right?

Wrong.

Now Jing Yuan, was shook when he first saw you in the Loufu, standing beside your crew as Welt talked to Miss Yukong, your arms wrapped around March's looking so innocent as if you are not the same cutie that helps him release his work stress most night.

He did his best not looking at you when he talked to the express crew, knowing he won't be able to help himself and will sink in those big pools of innocence who were gazing up at him with fascination and interest, looking so different and yet so same from your streams.

Out of everything, the poor general never expected to fanboying over a cam girl/boy. And it was already tough day for him, alright? Having to ignore his constantly ignore his horny thoughts, and his dick twitching whenever his mind drifted on you, knowing how close you were to him, how he can actually have a chance.

So the seconds man got some privacy, his hands were kneading on his crotch unprofessional he knows, but he was a man with needs and couldn't much than wait for the results once his plans were in action. So here he opening up the damned site, turning it on and looking at his favorite video, the first video of your he saw.

A neko cosplay.

He first heard of you when he overheard few young cloud knights simping over you, agitated when he hear them whispering about you than focus on their training. So that night he tried to see what all this fuss about.

The old man lazily opened the website searching your username, just out of curiosity and no intention to jerk off, only to be greeted by an clip of the cutest thing with cat ears on, and a cat tail but plug, sucking on a popsicle with your chest left bare, making him surprised by how sudden his cock stirred up, jerking of to clips of you, having the best session of his life, leaving him panting and twitchy, after splattering on his phone.

You were just so easy to get addicted to...

So in present when he heard your voice outside his office in the Seat of Divine Foresight, fingers fiddling with his stripper, it took him a good while to realize, he wasn't just daydreaming about your pretty voice but you were literally there, nocking on the door.

He hurriedly got himself together, throwing his phone on the table, and clothes fixed, o it isn't obvious what he was doing, greeting you with a charming smile.

Miss Fu Xuan has sent you to give him some documents, and he took it as an opportunity to invite you in, and talk to you, befriend you, just about anything. But then there was some commotion outside with two cloud knights bickering, so he reluctantly asked you to settle the documents on his desk and wait while he give the knights an earful.

Happily getting back, his heart racing at the thought to be in your presence, but then his smile dropped, as he entered back his office, seeing your face flushed red, as you try to hide you face by your hands, sitting all pretty on his seat, with the light of his phone lightly illuminating on you.

He was about to ask what's wrong, but shut his mouth, eyes widening as he realized:

Oh, he forgot to close his phone.

[dandelionsresilience]

Dandelion News - April 15-21

Based on the results of this poll, for the next few weeks I’m gonna test out doing 5 articles a week instead of 10, as part of an effort to maintain my own mental health. If these half-sized posts get markedly fewer notes, I’ll try to figure out a different compromise.

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my Dandelion Doodles!

1. Chicago Teachers Union ratifies groundbreaking contract cementing LGBTQ+ protections

“The agreement includes meaningful raises, smaller class sizes, and more classroom resources, but it also codifies some of the most comprehensive LGBTQ+ protections ever included in a public school labor deal. Among the new provisions are gender-affirming health care for staff, a trained Gender Support Coordinator in every school, codified protections for chosen names and pronouns, and a mandate that every school upholds inclusive curriculum standards and supports student-led Gender and Sexuality Alliances.”

2. Clean energy from rain? Scientists generate electricity from falling droplets

“Researchers from the National University of Singapore have used rain-like droplets moving through a tube to generate enough energy to light up 12 LEDs. […] They say that plug flow energy could be simpler to set up and maintain than hydroelectric power plants, and it could be convenient for urban spaces like rooftops.”

3. Utah Remains Rich in Bee Diversity

“Researchers set out to document Utah’s bee species to determine the best way to conserve them. […] In total, the researchers documented 1,167 bee species in the state.”

4. Endangered sea turtle populations show signs of recovery in more than half the world, survey finds

“Endangered sea turtles show signs of recovery in a majority of places where they're found worldwide[….] In more than half of the areas studied, threats are declining overall, the study found. [… G]reen turtles are still considered endangered globally, but their populations show signs of recovery in many regions of the world, researchers found.”

5. Florida Creek Restoration Benefits Fish and People in Jacksonville

“The restoration of McCoys Creek with NOAA funds is creating fish habitat and recreational space for community members. It also takes 150 homes out of the flood zone. […] This work is part of a larger plan to establish the Emerald Trail, a 30-mile walking and cycling path connecting 14 downtown neighborhoods to multiple parks and greenways.”

April 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[mogruith]

BG3 Photomode Tutorial #2.5: More Scene Manipulation

Chapter 0: Overview

Chapter 1: Script Extender Debug Console

Chapter 2: Scene Manipulation

Chapter 2.5: More Scene Manipulation

Chapter 3: Otis_Inf Camera Tools

Supplement: Mods and Resources

In continuing from the last tutorial, I wanted to talk about how you find and play cutscenes. There's a couple ways to do this but I will show you my way because I think it is the most thorough way if you need to figure out what flags you may need to edit in order to get this working. It'll also give you the tools you need to troubleshoot flag settings.

In the above screenshot, you can see a cutscene that is meant to be played in the Shadowcursed lands: The cutscene where you play the Lyre to summon Kar'niss. It is a complex scene with tags to resolve and multiple NPCs - some of which aren't humanoid.

I will show you how to find a scene based on a snippet of dialog, how to locate its name and UUID so you can plug it into this command:

Osi.QRY_StartDialogCustom_Fixed("SCL_Drider_Caravan_HalfOrcCaster_865adfae-1b72-1ed2-f961-d55abd4fb7b1","S_GOB_DrowCommander_25721313-0c15-4935-8176-9f134385451b",Osi.DB_Avatars:Get(nil)[1][1],"S_Player_Gale_ad9af97d-75da-406a-ae13-7071c563f604","S_Player_Astarion_c7c13742-bacd-460a-8f65-f864fe41f255", 1,1,-1,1)

Warning: Please keep in mind, this is still a very finicky process. Again, take it slowly. And please don't be afraid to ask for help if you're struggling. Once you get the hang of it, you can pull out scenes and troubleshoot them into playing with ease.

There's also a good chance I'm glossing over something and not explaining it clearly/accurately. Please send me an ask, DM, comment to clarify anything that's confusing!

BG3 Dialog Reader

In order to do this my way, you'll need to download BG3 Dialog Reader and generate HTML files that include all the dialog of the game. There's already a very lovely tutorial on how to do this, so I recommend you follow it. EDIT: Or download their parsed files from their Google Drive: BG3 - parsed dialogue (1.7).zip

You've probably seen posts in this format before:

So you should now have HTML files located somewhere on your system. You need to search for a line that you'll find in the cutscene you want. Now you need to ask yourself: What line can I search for that is unique to that cutscene so that if I search for it I will get exactly what I'm looking for?

In the Drider-Lyre scene I recall an NPC asking "Did you bring the lyre?" so that's what I searched for. I use the Everything search tool because it's awesome and search for the file like so:

You will need to take a look at this file later, but for now, just take note of the name: SCL_Drider_Caravan_HalfOrcCaster. This is the first half of what you need to complete the first parameter in the command at the beginning. And we are going to use this to find the UUID.

Finding the UUID

To find the UUID, you're going to need another tool. The BG3 Modder's Multitool. Go to their GitHub, look along the right column and click on the link in the Releases section.

After that, click on bg3-modders-multitool.zip to download it. Extract the files to a new folder somewhere handy and run bg3-modders-multitool.exe.

In BG3 Modder's Multitool, click on Configuration and set the bg3.exe location to your Baldur's Gate 3 executable (E:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\steamapps\common\Baldurs Gate 3\bin or something along those lines). The Documents folder should auto-populate but you may want to double check it.

Now click in Search Index. It's going to start a process where it searches through the BG3 files. This can take a while the first time, but will be instant after that.

Once it's complete, you can now take the name of the scene and pop it into the new Index Search window that popped up.

In the results on the left, there will be a lot of files that list it, but I generally look for ones that say Assets\Dialogs\[PAK] and end in _merged.lsf and click on it. Then click Convert & Open.

This should open in Notepad or Notepad++. Now search this file for "SCL_Drider_Caravan_HalfOrcCaster" - keep in mind there can be MULTIPLE results. Note that the first instance you will get is SCL_Drider_Caravan_HalfOrcCaster_AtTower. This is the wrong scene.

You are now looking in the code a couple lines above that string for a value that is an ID type and has a value that's a lot of letters and numbers. This is the UUID.

So you have what you need to create this first parameter. Combine SCL_Drider_Caravan_HalfOrcCaster with the string of letters and numbers separated by an underscore. Like so:

SCL_Drider_Caravan_HalfOrcCaster_865adfae-1b72-1ed2-f961-d55abd4fb7b1

Plugging into the StartDialogCustom Command

Note that this copies straight in to this command in the first parameter:

Osi.QRY_StartDialogCustom_Fixed("SCL_Drider_Caravan_HalfOrcCaster_865adfae-1b72-1ed2-f961-d55abd4fb7b1", "S_GOB_DrowCommander_25721313-0c15-4935-8176-9f134385451b", Osi.DB_Avatars:Get(nil)[1][1], "S_Player_Gale_ad9af97d-75da-406a-ae13-7071c563f604", "S_Player_Astarion_c7c13742-bacd-460a-8f65-f864fe41f255" ,1,1,-1,1)

Now on first glance this looks pretty much like other times I've shown you this command, except note that there's FOUR actors. When a cutscene doesn't play at first (after double checking the UUID), this is very often the reason why. This is the minimum because the roles for the half-orc and Karniss need to be filled. First position is Kansif the Half-Orc, second is Tav, third is Brawler Vez, and fourth is Kar'niss.

Note: Kar'niss CAN be played by a non-Drider NPC - they will float angrily around carrying the lantern. It's hilarious. Try it. Here's when I tried it with my Tav:

Setting and Clearing Flags

Now. Depending on where and when you play this scene, the scene may or may not play or it will quit early. There could be a few reasons for that. The UUID could be wrong, the number of actors could be wrong, or a flag could be set that's not supposed to be set.

Let's have a look at the BG3 Dialog Reader file for this scene to see what flags are in use.

By default you should be able to see checkflags (blue) and setflags (orange). Look at the top of the page for a reminder of what the colors mean. The blue check flags are checking to see if the flag is set or not. If SCL_Drider_HasMet_CaravanFirstTime = False then you have met the drider caravan yet and this line will play. You will notice that after that is the orange SCL_Drider_HasMet_CaravanFirstTime setflag. That means the game will NOW set the flag as you have now met the Caravan for the first time. There may be occasions where you need to change the flags to get a cutscene to play. Here's the good news: There's handy commands for that!

print(GetFlag("flag",Osi.DB_Avatars:Get(nil)[1][1]))

Osi.ClearFlag("flag", Osi.DB_Avatars:Get(nil)[1][1])

Osi.SetFlag("flag",Osi.DB_Avatars:Get(nil)[1][1])

The bad news is you will have to find the UUID for each flag! So we gotta go back into BG3 Modders Multitool and search for the flag SCL_Drider_HasMet_CaravanFirstTime

Thankfully, you'll only get one result and the big string of letters and numbers is the UUID you need.

Now you combine them like you did with the cutscene name and UUID before, separated by an underscore: SCL_Drider_HasMet_CaravanFirstTime_39e94029-84f7-418d-ddce-8947bcbb7688

So let's say the cutscene isn't playing because you're on a save where that scene has already played. Clear the flag on your Tav: Osi.ClearFlag("SCL_Drider_HasMet_CaravanFirstTime_39e94029-84f7-418d-ddce-8947bcbb76", Osi.DB_Avatars:Get(nil)[1][1])

And I think we will leave it at that. I realize this was a LOT to cover. Go through this very slowly. It will take time to understand what is happening here.

And as always, if you have something you're trying to do and you're struggling with the directions, I can try to help! Please send me a DM, Ask, whatever else and I'll gladly help you with whatever you're trying to do.

Thanks for reading and sticking through this so far!

[nicksbestie]

Next Stop - C. Sturniolo

three times chris reminds you that your stop is next, + the time he gets off with you

Summary : You get distracted easily, and almost miss your stop going home from work. Luckily, there's someone who reminds you often.

Warnings : none <3

Word Count : 2268

Pairing : Chris Sturniolo/Reader (eventually romantic)

A/N : i am so excited to write this!

one

You had a long day at work.

That’s why it happened, that’s why you fell asleep on the bus. You didn’t fall asleep on the bus and nearly missed your stop because you were up nearly all night finishing work before its deadline arrived because you have a terrible habit of procrastinating things until the last minute. You were just tired, took the first seat you could find, and in the midst of the happiness of being on the way home, and the relaxation of being able to sit down and not have to focus on any work, you fell asleep. That’s exactly what happened.

You had nearly been late leaving work, something you never were, because the second that you could get out of that hellhole you were gone. It was incredibly rare that you didn’t leave on time, because you worked so hard during the day to make sure that you never had anything that would keep you working overtime. And the longer you were at work, the more chance you had to miss your bus home, and you did not want to make that long, lonely, and honestly, quite scary, walk back to your apartment. You’d done that before, and it was not a night that you cared to remember or relive.

You’d gotten an email about twenty minutes before your shift ended, detailing another document that you needed to complete before you left that day. Your manager was a pain in the ass, as if he got paid for that instead of his job. If he did, he’d probably be rich and could quit. You’d glanced over the document, knowing that you could complete it before you got off, and you did, but you dropped an entire file of papers right as you were leaving. You had to stop and pick them all up to put them in your work bag, and that caused you to miss the elevator down to the first floor. So that caused you to have to wait for the next one, and then it was raining as you got out of the building. 

You got to the bus stop with plenty of time before the bus got there, and you got on as quickly as possible, tired of being in the rain. You were simply exhausted in general, and as soon as you sat down in a seat, you set your work bag down in your lap, pulling your headphones out and plugging them in, staring out of the window as you played some music through them. You watched all the other vehicles go by, all of them beginning to blur into one long stream of darkness. You were seated close to the front of the bus, and you were grateful for that, so when your stop came, you could quickly get off.  You saw a reflection in the window, across the aisle. It was of a boy, around your age, maybe a year or two older. You didn’t think much more of it, simply enjoying getting to relax, but you relaxed too much.

You jolted awake to see the boy from the reflection standing over you, gently shaking your shoulder. He had an apologetic look on his face, and backed up as soon as he noticed you were awake. 

“Sorry, but your stop is next. I didn’t want you to miss it.” 

Looking up, you saw that the bus screen clearly displayed your stop next, and without even bothering to think about how this boy had known that, you got up, quietly thanking him, and picking up your stuff so that you could get off of the bus. 

two

You’d fallen asleep. You couldn’t believe you’d fallen asleep, at your desk no less. Luckily, you had completed all of your work by that point, but you had dozed off right after. You’d been incredibly tired lately, and you really had no excuse for it. You’d been sleeping a lot, but clearly not getting enough good rest. You just wanted to close your eyes for a couple moments, and somehow you’d ended up falling asleep, and only woken up because the last person in the office had left, and slammed the door way too loudly. Realizing the time, you quickly rushed out of there, luckily right on time today. You managed to get on the bus just as it was about to leave, breathing out a sigh of relief as you threw yourself down into a seat, work bag on the seat next to you.

“Nearly missed it.” 

You turned around at the voice, noticing the same boy who had woken you up last week sitting two rows behind, and one aisle over. You smiled a little bit, not being able to find it in you to be annoyed at his comment, given that he had a bright smile on his own face.

“Yeah, almost.” 

“Glad you didn’t. Would’ve been a long walk.”

You didn’t know why you were so open to chatting with this complete stranger, but you figured you owed him the politeness. After you had entered the conversation, you found that you were actually enjoying it. You talked for the whole bus ride. You found out the guy’s name was Chris, and that he had three brothers, two of them being his triplet brothers. He worked at a restaurant that was actually quite close to your work, which explained why he was always on the bus when you were. He got on one stop before you, and got off one stop after you. He’d seen you on the bus a lot, and that was how he knew when your stop was. 

He actually seemed to be a very nice guy, and the conversation flourished. You shared what you both did for work, a lot about your family and friends, and it really was like you had known each other for ages. You didn’t notice how quickly the bus ride went by until he was pointing towards the bus screen, where the stop before yours was flashing on the lights. 

“As lovely as it is talking to you, you have to get off of the bus soon.” 

You sighed, smiling, a part of you disappointed in having to leave.

“So I do. I loved talking to you too! I assume I’ll see you on the bus again at some point?” 

He returned your smile, handing you your work bag. 

“I’m sure you will. Have a safe walk home, okay?”

“I’ll do my best. You too!” 

You discovered random photos of Chris in your camera roll when you got home, and they made you laugh. He must have taken a bunch of them while you were putting your headphones back in your work bag. Unbeknownst to him, you favorited them all.

three 

You were blaming your tiredness on a bad week. That’s all it was. That had to be all it was because being this tired was completely out of control for you, but you couldn’t deny how the day at work made you want to quit and run away forever. If money weren’t a problem, you would do it. 

You got out of there on time today. You weren’t running early, and you weren’t running late either. You left there at five in the evening, on the dot, and you were ready for the day to be done. You were so exhausted that you didn’t feel that much at all, nothing except for the lack of energy in your veins. 

Stepping on the bus, you could barely even muster a smile at Chris, sitting in his normal seat. As he saw you, he smiled, but it immediately faded when he saw your face. You looked drained, sad, even, and he wasted no time in getting up to sit next to you, in your usual seat. He looked at you with sadness in his eyes, reflecting your own. 

“What’s going on?” 

You felt pitiful in your response, and you had no idea why you were even opening up to him. You’d only talked to him once before, but somehow, you felt like you trusted him wholeheartedly already. You felt comfortable speaking to him, even though it was through shared whispers on a semi-crowded bus. 

“I’m just so tired.” 

He nodded understandingly, and in his head, he was fighting the urge to just hug you, but he knew a lot of people didn’t like to be touched outright without being asked. So, he took a chance, and asked. 

“Would a hug help?”

You sighed, nodding.

“A hug would be great.” 

You let him wrap an arm around you, and he let you rest your head on his shoulder. His hug was just as comforting as he looked. You couldn’t deny the fact that you felt insanely comfortable with him, and you were so tired that you didn’t have the energy to even think about why that may be. You just let it happen, and so did he. Unbeknownst to you, he was thinking the exact same thing. 

He noticed how you didn’t offer up any more information, and he also noticed how your breathing evened out, and your arm around his back relaxed a little bit. Looking down, he noticed that you had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He found it nothing but cute. There was no part of him that could deny the fact that he found you attractive, and he had since the first time he saw you on the bus. He couldn’t believe that he had you asleep on his shoulder, so wholly trusting of him despite barely knowing him, but he had no intentions to disturb you. 

He sat there, scrolling on his phone, letting you rest on his shoulder as he waited for the stop before yours to pop up on the screen. He silently begged for the bus to go slower, for the bus to hit every red light possible, for the speed limits to drop, because he wanted to soak in every minute possible that he was getting to spend with you. 

Unfortunately, the stop before yours popped up too early for his liking, which meant that it was time to wake you up. As he slowly adjusted you, you woke up, having never been the deepest sleeper, and your face flushed red as you realized that you had fallen asleep on him. You opened your mouth to speak and he cut you off, that same smile back on his face.

“I get the feeling that you’re about to apologize. You don’t have to. Your stop is next, don’t want you to miss it.” 

You sighed, getting up, and already missing the comforting feeling of resting against him. 

“Thank you. I’ll see you again?”

“Can’t avoid me for long. Walk safe, okay?” 

“I will.” 

You smiled, waving at him as you got off of the bus, ignoring the happy feeling that went through you when he gave you a huge smile back. 

+ one 

You got on the bus and were shocked to not see Chris sitting in his normal spot on the bus, and you couldn’t deny that you were slightly sad about it. However, your spirits rose once more when you saw that he was getting on one stop after you. He noticed you, and immediately sat down next to you.

“Thank god you’re here.” 

You smiled at his comment.

“Missed me that much?” 

“Yes. I did, actually.” 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, a gentle smile on his face. You talked like you did on the second bus ride you noticed him on, and it felt like a conversation that lasted forever and also lasted just two seconds at the same time. Chris couldn’t deny that he was undeniably attracted to you. You were pretty, funny, and he just loved being in your presence, even though he didn’t have much time with you so far. He really hoped that would change soon, and as the bus approached your spot, he interrupted your conversation. 

“This is normally when I tell you to walk home safely, isn’t it?” 

You smiled, a thing you did a lot around Chris.

“It is. I suppose you should be saying it?” 

“I was actually hoping I could say something different today.” 

You raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk on your face, deciding to humor him.

“Oh? And what could that be?” 

“I was hoping I could get to walk you home today.” 

You had a look of surprise on your face, but not one that displayed that his suggestion was unappealing.

“Are you asking me to let you come back home with me?” 

You had a joking tone to your voice, but you were halfway serious about it. You weren’t opposed, though. Chris was incredibly sweet and attractive, and a night with him sounded like fun, even if it was just a night.

“Not necessarily. I could walk you back to my place, but you’d be subjected to meeting the other people who live there and have the same face as me.” 

You laughed, standing up, and grabbing your things.

“You can walk me home. And come in, if you’d like to.” 

“I would love to.” 

You couldn’t deny that things had moved incredibly quickly between the two of you, but years down the line, when you got to tell the story of the way he held your hand the entire way home, made eating microwave food on the couch seem romantic, and even managed to steal a few kisses from you before the night ended, the speed of it didn’t seem to matter.

taglist : @blahbel668 @mattsgirlfrieeend @69isabella69 @mayhem-72 @iculdstealurgf @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @sturnioloslife @heartsforkarina @nervousrebelglitter @sturniclo @elliegrace-7 @mattsturnioloisbae @strnilo @dazsha19 @patscorner @hailee22sstuff @tworosesblackthorn @sturniolo-fann @h3arts4harry @getosuckers @khxna @scoobydoosnack @tapesmatts @st7rnioioss @st7rnioiossblog @jamiesturniolo @sofie-1

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[fishfooddude]

The Social Media Manager: The Series (Part 2)

Another installment of the social media manager series

Another shout out to @thebearsoc for the inspiration!

The Bear MasterList

Directory

Part 1

Meetings, Meetings, Meetings

“Wait, wait, wait-” Richie started rubbing a hand against the back of his head, “You’re tellin’ me, Marcus’s party girl 20-somethin’ year old friend is getting access to our social media? That’s bull, and you know it, Natalie.”  

Natalie rolled her eyes and glanced in Marcus’s direction, “Marcus, Rusty has done this before, right?”  he nodded before explaining, “Nat, Richie, I’m tellin’ ya’, Rusty is really good at this shit. Just give her a shot.” 

Carmy entered the sitting area of The Bear and sat next to Natalie without saying anything, “I don’t think we can afford this, Marcus. I’m sure Rusty is a wonderful social media manager, but the budgets tight.” Natalie sighed, staring at her computer screen.

 “That's the thing- you guys have a hookup.” Marcus grinned, hoping that this would be enough of a selling point. “Rusty owes me one. She’d probably do the setup for free, and I can do all the posting. She helped me redo my account when I came back from Cophegan- I went from like 100 followers to like 1,000 in a month.” 

Carmy looked around the group before nodding in Marcus’s direction, “Call her.”

Carmy stood up and walked out of the dining area through the kitchen and into the office, where his phone had been plugged in to charge. He quickly opened his phone, went to the seldomly used Instagram app, typed in your handle, and smiled as your account came up. He’d been Instagram stalking you since he’d heard Marcus giving Syd your handle. She’d laughed about it being a reference to a K-pop group he’d never heard of; granted, he’d never really listened to any of those groups. So far, he’d learned that you have an eclectic taste in music, an affinity for putting googly eyes on potted plants, a love for fancy coffees with overpriced pastries, and had, in fact, known Marcus since high school. He liked your style. There was something free about it; he admired your creativity. Carmy took notes about you through the account. Your highlight reels being indicative of your personality, the ‘Rusty cooking??’ highlight reel was particularly traumatizing. He wondered how you’d gotten into your 20s without knowing how to actually chop an onion, but he could show you how to do it properly; just the idea of that made his heart flutter. Carmy was incredibly attracted to you, but when you’d posted a boomerang of you kissing a guy’s cheek and tagged the guy’s account with a heart emoji, he was worried this would be another unrequited crush. 

When you walked into The Bear the next day in a pair of trousers with your hair up and a pair of glasses perched on your nose, Carmy felt like his heart was going to explode. He beelined for the bathroom to make sure he didn’t have anything in his teeth and washed his hands in an attempt to get the smell of cigarettes off his hands before going to talk to you. 

“So that’s what I would recommend doing for TikTok. The algorithm is tricky, but once you get on its good side, it can be really great publicity.” Carmy swallowed as he listened to you explain your strategy to Natalie and Richie. Natalie seemed impressed, while Richie seemed wary. “This is all really great Rusty. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.” Natalie smiled as she shuffled a pile of documents into a yellow folder. You shrugged and responded with a playful laugh before explaining that work had been slow at the moment, so you had some extra free time to take a peak at the analytics you could see without access to the account details. 

After Richie and Natalie said their goodbyes, Richie was still seemingly cold toward hiring a social media manager and you in general. The two of them discussed it as they walked toward the kitchen. Carmy waited until they had walked through the kitchen door before approaching you. If he struck out with you he’d prefer not to do it within earshot of his sister and Richie; he’d never live it down. “Hey.” Carmy greeted awkwardly, rocking on his heels.

You smiled back, “Hey you. Long time no see.” Carmy blushed at your flirtatious tone. “How you doin’ Carmy? Spendin’ a lot of time on Instagram, huh?” 

Carmy needed some clarification on the comment. You noticed and giggled before explaining, “You liked a picture on my account from like two years ago.” Carmy tightly grinned out of embarrassment. He hesitantly nodded, “Uh yeah—Marcus recommended you do our social media stuff… I just wanted to check out what you post.” 

He hoped he saved himself, but self-doubt was taking over. He watched as you began twirling a strand of hair on your index finger. “It’s okay, Carmy. I think you’re cute, and I’m going out on Friday with a couple of friends… if you happen to show up at this bar across town called The White Rabbit, I might let you buy me a drink.” 

Carmy was speechless. He was by no means an experienced dater, and within that limited experience, he’d never had a girl come onto him like this. You noticed his awkwardness and found it endearing. “No pressure. You can also just call me sometime.”

 You pulled a Sharpie out of your bag and grabbed Carmy’s wrist to write your number across his forearm, “Bye, Carmy.” you winked before walking past him, making sure he’d get a whiff of your perfume. 

“B-bye Rus-sty.” Carmy managed to stutter out as he watched you walk out of the front entrance. He pushed the heel of his hand against his jaw. You were different, and it scared him, but also found it enchanting.

Part 3

[marithlizard]

This is an excellent thread and a way of looking at the situation I hadn't considered before. Now I'm having thoughts:

The AI grift boils down to a two-part promise: One, you can easily ask the AI tool and get an answer, the right and complete and authoritative answer so you don't have to do any work. Just plug the answer into whatever you're doing and move on. Two, since part one is true you don't have to pay for employees or fund organizations to do research or create documentation or answer queries. AI will magically replace all of that for you. (You also don't have to pay for information since AI can just steal it for you, but unpacking that promise would take a whole other thread.) But even if generative AI didn't lie and hallucinate - which it does - and even if it could magically pull out the best known answer to every query from some magically free source - which it can't - there is still a massive flaw with the whole idea. Even the very simplest most straightforward question with a single correct answer will only have that answer online if someone, somewhere, did the work. It took work to find the information, synthesize and analyze it, and to put it it somewhere online that can be queried. And most questions don't have a single straightforward right answer, or not one that you can get to easily. The bluesky thread lays out a good example of what searching for information yourself can be like and why it's a good thing to do. Even if generative AI worked, even if 90% of the horrendous problems with it were solved, having it be your only way to get answers would be disastrous.

[mikunology]

hello! really love this au!!! i was wondering if u have any documentation on how the CVs’ mechanics and such work? like schematics or something? i also wonder if there is any artwork of what it looks like when they’re charging or shut down or related robotic tendencies. it really fascinates me and i love to see if there’s any lore u had in mind for that!

hello, thank you for checking out my work ;v; oh gosh...tbh, I kiiiinda did have some notes about the Cryptons' schematics once upon a time but they're more than likely outdated X'D

I have a general idea of their mechanics and stuff, but I never wrote it down since I'm really bad parsing out science-y stuff and I get really indecisive...and it already took me 10 thousand years to finally nail down the superpower lore X'D so. (this is not making me look like a good worldbuilder or storyteller in the absolute slightest)

To answer some of your other questions, though: in regards to how they look when off or charging, when charging they usually just look like they're asleep! Which they kind of are, mostly. It's easier and quicker to charge when they're in sleep mode. When they're shut down, however, especially when it's unexpected, it's kinda like this:

Their eyes and all of their accessories (headphones, sleeves, etc) go dim, and of course, they no longer move. (It's kinda bizarre seeing them like that when you aren't used to it.)

I'd mentioned it on this blog before, but I guess for a little tidbit about their mechanics: the large button on their headphones acts as an ON/OFF button, and their sleeves/the panels in their arms act as control panels, status displays, and contain some other functions like holographic video call. Both areas also have jacks where they can plug into other devices.

Lastly, I did have this old doodle of Meiko with Miku when she was still unfinished:

And since I'm on a little break, take a new doodle of the twins in the maintenance room.

[egelskop]

i am so interested in ur hlvrai au can we get a rundown

oh boy, this is going under a readmore.

fair warning, this is a LONG read because (1.) i am not a competent writer and (2.) i can't for the life of me keep things brief. sorry and or good luck.

ACT I

The Black Mesa incident: Gordon Freeman is provided an opportunity to do an informal beta test for a combat training simulation program that's in development in the Research & Development department of the Black Mesa Research Facility. (Read: He knows a guy in R&D and said guy knows Gordon likes video games and VR stuff, so he was like "hey you should come check this out when you're on break.")

The combat sim would be a revolutionary training simulation using artificial intelligence to enhance and realize the experience for the ‘player character’.

The test goes wrong, and Gordon can’t seem to disengage from the simulation and odd, unscripted things start happening; he has to ‘play the game’ to its full completion before he is able to exit the simulation safely. He has suffered a brain injury throughout the process, eye damage due to prolonged exposure to the headset and is generally traumatized by the simulation experience he at some point could no longer physically and emotionally distinguish from the real world. The project as a whole is shut down and Gordon is put into a rehabilitation program. Black Mesa covers up the incident as best it can, but whispers of it still echo around the facility.

Below is a page for a two-page comic i never finished detailing said events.

ACT II

The rumors reach the ears of a particularly tech-savvy researcher named Clark, who steals the project documentation and anything else he can get his hands on from a storage. At home, he looks into the project, reads about it, and gets curious about the simulation’s files themselves. They’re on a drive he plugs into his computer, and suddenly his system’s performance lags, windows open and close until a txt. file opens up. He comes into contact with one of the simulation’s AI that has somehow entered his operating system. He tries to keep it busy by having it poke around as he reads up on the simulation and its ultimate shutdown. When the AI reveals it can see him through the webcam, he panics and rips the drive out of the port. The invasive AI and the other project files seems like they’re gone from his system, he does a checkup but sees nothing odd running or otherwise. The next day after work he does another checkup. Finding nothing, he surmises he’s in the clear and starts up an online game. The slumbering, corrupted data of the AI sees its out, and disappears into the game.

ACT III

The transition/journey to the game is a rocky one, and the already corrupted data of the AI known as Benrey splits and gets even more fragmented. The largest fragment embeds itself into the game’s files to keep itself running. Without the foundation of the game to support it, it’d be lost to a dead void and slowly die out. Somewhat stable, it learns about the world around it; the game seems to be an exploration sandbox game. For now (and clarity), I’ve chosen to call this bigger, embedded fragment ‘Data’. (so this is the big benny with the right eye/one big eye in my art)

Data splits off a smaller fragment of itself, intending it to be an avatar or ‘player character’ but this grows into its own awareness and becomes who we’ll call ‘Beastrey’ (the smaller benny with the left eye and tail in my art).

The fragment ‘Beastrey’ wakes to a dead void, so Data uses its knowledge to create a private server for Beastrey, an empty world. Beastrey’s existence is an extension of the bigger part, with more freedom of movement to parse through the game and move freely within it, with the caveat that it can’t go ‘too far’ away from the host. Beastrey can visit other servers and relay information. Data learns and slowly starts building up the world/private server, at some point settling for an aquatic world because it reminds it of itself (something something sea of data). It's important to note that Beastrey retains little to no memories of the events of canon VRAI.

Data makes it easier for Beastrey to move around, and they grow to have more reach with time. At some point Data can alter the basic structural elements of the game, so it plays around with making things that are reminiscent of the memories it has of Black Mesa and Xen. At one point, it gains access to parse through the player base of the game, and takes note of an email address: ‘g.m.freeman@gmail.com’, attached to a player account. The name is somewhat familiar to it.

It sends an invite to join the server to the player account.

ACT IV

Gordon tries going back to work at Black Mesa after rehabilitating, but he has trouble separating his experiences with the simulation from reality, to a breaking point where an altercation with a security guard drives him to quit. He seeks professional help for his PTSD and anxiety, but still experiences dissociative episodes, migraines and somatic flashbacks localised mostly in his right forearm. Despite this, he is determined to continue living his life as normally as possible. He applies for a part-time job teaching physics at a local high school, the one where his son Joshua goes to, and remains relatively stable from there.

Joshua is 15 years old. Regular teen. After an impressive amount of pleading he got a VR-headset for his 14th birthday from Gordon (much to the disapproval of Gordon’s ex), and he’s been captivated by an exploration sandbox game since it came out a few months ago.

He gets an invite to an unnamed private server, and he accepts.

He is struck with awe as the world he enters seems completely different from the ones he’s seen so far in the game. Different flora, different fauna. Most of it uninteractible, though, or otherwise just retextured from its base game variant. Even the new enemy types, after a scare, can’t actually hurt him, it seems. He stumbles upon Beastrey, who is just as surprised to see him and wants him out until Joshua says he was invited.

Joshua commends Beastrey (who introduces himself as 'Ben-') on ‘modding’ everything in, but admits that he was disappointed to find that everything was just surface-level stuff. Beastrey inquires about what he’d like to see. Data is always watching, unseen, and decides to alter the world in the way Joshua described when Joshua leaves.

Joshua starts appearing more often, if only for a few hours at a time. He marvels at the ways the world shifts and grows with each time he plays, and takes to exploring it with Beastrey at his side, for whom strangely enough a lot of things are also new. Joshua teaches both Beastrey and Data about the outside world, thinking Beastrey is just a somewhat reclusive but likeable weirdo.

Joshua tells Gordon about the new friend he made, ‘Ben’, and the adventures he’s been having with the other. Gordon is happy to hear Joshua is having a good time, but is otherwise none the wiser. Joshua starts losing track of time in the game, but chalks it up to being invested.

During one play session, Beastrey confesses he isn’t the one who did all the ‘modding’, and invites Joshua to meet Data. Data, or at least its ‘physical’ in-game manifestation is deep within the world, past the aquatic twilight zone and strange, drowned ruins of an unknown facility. Data, for the first time, really sees Joshua, and the resemblance sparks something within it. Joshua is drawn closer to it, and just before he reaches it-

Joshua wakes up lying on the floor with Gordon hunched over him in his room, pleading with him to wake up. Joshua unknowingly got drawn into the game much like Gordon had been, and Gordon urges Joshua to never touch the headset again, taking it away. Gordon opens up about his experiences with the simulation a bit more. They both agree to not touch the game or the headset again.

ACT V

Gordon comes into contact with an old coworker from Black Mesa, and he inquires about the combat simulation project, if anything happened to it after it was canned. This is where he learns that an employee had taken the project files from storage and was consequently fired. He comes into contact with Clark, and Clark explains he had no idea he accidentally unleashed the AI unto the game. Gordon asks if anything can be done to prevent what happened to Joshua and himself from happening to other people. Clark confesses he doesn’t know, and that it’s up to the developers of the game to find anything out of place and make sure it gets fixed. Gordon decides to leave the matter where it lies, not wanting anything to do with AI and simulations anymore and to safeguard his son.

Some time passes.

Joshua starts getting repeated invites and messages, at one point he gets into a conversation with ‘Ben’ via a platform’s messaging system. Ben says he can explain everything, that he’s sorry. Joshua decides he would like one final goodbye. He finds the headset stashed away somewhere in the house, and, while Gordon’s gone, he turns on the game and enters the server.

Beastrey (Ben) is surprised to see him, urging him to log out and turn off the game, but it’s already too late and Joshua can no longer leave. Beastrey helps Joshua attempting to ‘exit’ the game by going as far away from Data’s reach, but Data stops Beastrey and traps Joshua, determined to wait to the point that he assimilates into the game completely.

Gordon eventually finds Joshua comatose with the headset on, and he panics. He considers calling the emergency services, but he’s afraid they’ll take the headset off or that removing Joshua too far from the game will hurt his son like what happened to him. He calls Clark, urging him to help in any way he can. This results in Gordon and Clark going back to Black Mesa to retrieve the project files and the other gear they can get their hands on to get Gordon into the game to free his son.

Gordon enters the private server with Clark’s player character, and thwarts any attempt from Data to impede his progress and trap him as well. Beastrey’s awareness is overridden by Data as a last ditch effort to deter Gordon and Gordon is forced to destroy Beastrey before he can reach Data. As Beastrey is taken over, Data gains Beastrey’s awareness, and finds his other, littler half never wanted to trap Joshua in the first place, and the way it hurt him to hurt both Joshua and Gordon to this extent.

At this point, Data wavers in its intention to keep Joshua trapped, even more so with Beastrey now gone, and recognises whatever it is that is driving Gordon forward in the game is outside of his control to manipulate, so he lets Gordon destroy it as well. In a way, it also feels as a fulfillment of its intended role as the ‘villain’. The server crashes, the world breaks apart. The ‘game’ is completed.

The final boss is defeated and both Gordon and Joshua wake up. Joshua luckily wasn’t exposed long enough to have suffered any lasting damage, except for what seems to be a minor headache and some light sensitivity (and a vow from Gordon to get him checked out by a doctor as soon as the clinics open).

--

The whole ordeal results in Clark, Gordon and Joshua sitting in a Denny’s at four in the morning, eating pancakes somewhat solemnly, completely exhausted but also still reeling from the virtual battle. Joshua learns that ‘Ben’ essentially died, and he can’t help but cry for his friend.

“Honestly, I don’t think he’s gone,” Gordon admits, picking at the last bites of his pancakes. "I think he- or whatever that was, has a hard time staying dead. Like a cockroach, you know? At this point I’m just wondering when he’ll turn up again.”

Clark hums in agreement. Joshua seems somewhat reassured by his words, wiping at his eyes with the scratchy napkin as he settles into the squeaking diner seat.

“But,” he starts with a sigh, pointing his syrup-covered fork upwards to the ceiling in a decree, “One thing’s for certain…”

He thinks back to a time rife with virtual gunfire, caging walls and hysterical laughter echoing through the halls of the Black Mesa research facility. Five sets of footsteps and a whisper of his name.

“…No more VR. No more headsets. Ever.”

--

TL;DR: Gordon got trapped in VR and then Joshua also got trapped in VR. Benrey is there but also not.

thank you for reading. here. ( x ‿ o ) 🫴

[gatheredfates]

Happy weekend, all! 🦇 I'll probably do one more spooky update next week to round it out and then we'll be back to normal Compendium updates! I miss the spooky season already. 🎃

This is also a final plug for SEAFLOOR Saints Wake Gpose Challenge for anyone who might be interested! All works are reblogged to SEAFLOOR as well as queued on my blog. 🍬

If you know of anything I have missed, please reach out to me via my Discord or the Google Form.

Without further adeb, the following communities have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives. 👻

COMMUNITY FOCUSED / EVENT SPACES

The Kwehnnedy Center—The Kwehnnedy Center for the Performing Arts gives performers a venue to showcase themselves and audiences access to some of the finest shows Eorzea has to offer.

MISC

Beginner's Guide to Gposing with Anamnesis/Ktisis—An entry-level walkthrough of how to download posing programs, load actors, edit character appearances, and manipulate poses in gpose. Written by @lilbittymonster.

CHANGELOG

Etheirys has been removed from the Large Scale Communities at the request of its owner due to imminent shutdown.

FFXIV Roleplay (Tumblr) has been removed at the request of its owner due to imminent shutdown.

If you'd like a FFXIV-based forum/communityto join, I would suggest Final Fantasy XIV Roleplay at this time!

The Google Form contained the outdated categories for Compendium sorting. This has been updated.

Have you thought about joining our Tumblr Community? You can find it here!

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here or send me an ask with the relevant information!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. This is all publicly available on the document. 🐈‍⬛

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads. (Though these get posted to the SEAFLOOR Tumblr Community when I find them!)

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include IC tabloid blogs or other ventures used to generate roleplay.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

I want to put my community on the Compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my Community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community/resource on the Compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it. The same goes for resources; if it's relevant to the game, it'll be useful to someone.

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, contact me asap!

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[fostersffff]

If you're someone who's interested in collecting physical media, especially DVDs and blu-rays, I cannot overstate how good an investment a blu-ray drive for your computer is.

There are copious free resources that will allow you to digitize your collection for additional preservation and convenience... and I've placed them beneath this break!

MakeMKV: https://www.makemkv.com/

MakeMKV is the program I use for backing up blu-rays and DVD. It’s “free while in beta”, and as far as I can tell it’s going to continue to be in beta forever. You just need to register the program with the beta code, which can be found here: https://forum.makemkv.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1053. If your registration ever expires, you can just go to that post and they’ll have it updated with a new one.

“MKV” is “Matroska Video”, which is a container format (named after the Russian nesting doll) that collects the video track, audio track(s), and subtitle track(s) all into one file, which is super convenient for anime, because that means you don’t need to worry about making separate files for different combinations of dubs and subs. My understanding is that this is, essentially, a lossless video copy, and I’ve done comparisons comparing screenshots taken from video playing off the disc and from the .mkv, and I haven’t been able to notice a difference. As for playing .mkv files…

VLC Media Player: https://www.videolan.org/vlc/

The Combined Community Codec Pack (CCCP): https://download.cnet.com/Combined-Community-Codec-Pack/3000-2139_4-10966585.html

VLC is my media player of choice for watching back the stuff I back up. I’m not 100% sure if you need to download the CCCP for this- my backups play fine on my tablet just using the VLC app, and I recently found out they even work off a USB stick plugged into a Samsung Smart TV- but it doesn’t hurt to have.

MakeMKV can also be directly integrated with VLC Media Player to play blu-rays right from the drive, which is tremendously valuable if you're not interest in/don't have the hard drive space for digitization. I think I’ve encountered maybe one thing that couldn’t be played off the disc with this solution, and that was fixed in a subsequent update to MakeMKV. The full breakdown of how to do that can be found here: https://stolafcarleton.teamdynamix.com/TDClient/1893/StOlaf/KB/ArticleDet?ID=128854.

MKVToolNix: https://mkvtoolnix.download/downloads.html

Different companies author discs differently, and I like to keep my stuff organized the same way, which is where this tool comes in. I won’t go into too much detail on this here, but if you ever need to split one large file into smaller files (for example, a disc has 9 episodes of a show to a single title/file, and you want to split them into individual episodes), edit or remove chapter information, or rename audio/subtitle tracks, this is the tool to do it. There's a lot to this, so I would suggest reading the official documentation, but I could also whip up a guide if people are interested.

HandBrake: https://handbrake.fr/

The video encoder for shrinking those backups down to size- my favorite example was getting all 49 episodes of G Gundam down from almost 300gb off-the-discs to just under 50gb. This is also going to be heavily dependent on how powerful your computer is, because encoding takes up a lot of resources. On my computer, which is by no means top-of-the-line, I’d say on average it takes about 50 minutes to encode a 24 minute episode of anime, and that increases exponentially the longer the source material is.

I got the settings I use in HandBrake from this incredibly detailed breakdown of how video encoding works: https://kokomins.wordpress.com/2019/10/10/anime-encoding-guide-for-x265-and-why-to-never-use-flac/#tldr-summary-for-x265-encode-settings. There's a lot of information there, too, but it also provides generic settings to plug in to HandBrake if you don't care to manually adjust the settings for each project you're doing.

And that’s everything I use for my process! A lot of this was trial and error with other programs that cost money, performed worse, and were generally aggravating to use. It's a bit of elbow grease, but the reward is that once something is digitized, you have it forever, exactly the way you want it.

[ao3fanfictions]

Through the Haze

As I dragged myself off the Quinjet groaning, I imagined the nap I would take on the couch in the living room. Would I sleep longer, better, and more peacefully in my room in my bed? Absolutely, but that is a farther walk than the couch.  The mission I am returning from was a solo and fairly easy trip. Captain needed information about Hydra from one of their rundown, out of use bases. Steve told me it was probably abandoned, but I had to be vigilant in case it wasn’t. It was in fact abandoned and I got everything that Steve had asked for. Case after case, papers stacked all the way up to my chin when I was carrying them out. I also had to retrieve online documents for the team. That took the longest, involving me plugging in a hard drive and walking around the old base for 12 hours. After being awake for 22 hours straight, I was home. I could’ve slept on the way home to the tower, my mind was still on high alert after the mission.

Steve was waiting for me as soon as I got off the jet, standing tall with his arms crossed, a serious look on his face. Uh oh. He’s normally extra friendly once I get back from a mission. Extra nice to me in general to make up for his asshole best friend. Either I messed up real bad or he has very bad news for me. I sigh and walk up to him, determined not to let my own emotions of exhaustion cross my face.

“What’s up Stevie? You have some bad news for me or somethin’” I tried for a joking tone, but his own remained serious.

“I do, Y/n. I know you’ve been away for the past couple days on your own mission, but I need you to deploy again.”

“What why? I haven’t even walked back into the tower yet. What could possibly need to be done so immediately?” I know I’m technically talking to my captain right now, but I’m so tired that I don’t care. 

“The team needs you to go back to Russia. There’s another base that we need information about immediately. You leave again today, as soon as the jet has been refueled and resupplied” His words were final, determined, but so were mine.

“Why can’t someone else go? Does it really have to be me alone again?”

“Yes it has to be you. Based on the amount of information that you got on the last mission. You won’t have to go alone though. I’m sending Bucky along with you.”

“No. I’m actually fine to work alone. I don’t need him to come along. I’ll work better by myself than with him.” I was not working alongside him on this “very” important mission. I don’t know why we don’t get along. He’s quiet with the others, but when it comes to me he can’t keep his insults to himself. Not that I’m much better, he knows exactly how to get under my skin. He is gorgeous though, I’ll give him that. All big muscles and dark eyes. And that metal arm… Steve brings me out of my daydream with his reply.

“You aren’t working alone on this mission. On the last mission, the base was abandoned, and had been for some time. The base that we are going to send you next is semi-active, and has a large chance of hostile agents waiting inside. He’s going as your bodyguard. It’ll be faster for you to find the files this way.” There was a finality in his words, but I wasn’t ready to give up. I can’t work with Bucky, I just can’t.

“Then send someone else with me, if you need me to have someone to cover my back.” I suggest. “I’ll be distracted by him. We don’t get along Steve.”

“I know you two don’t get along, but I don’t have a choice. Everyone else has a mission this week except Bucky. The information is vital, Y/n, we need you to retrieve it. Make it work.”

“Why did you have to wait for me to fly all the way back to America just to send me back to the frozen tundra of a country Russia is right now? I haven’t slept for most of that mission and won’t be at my best anyways.” But as I spoke I knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to Steve. Captain thing aside we were still friends, and I knew if he had the option he would send someone else with Bucky.

“Because your jet needs supplies. We’re wasting time Y/n. Go pack your bag and return to the hangar in 30 minutes, I need to go inform Buck of this mission as well”.  With that he gave my shoulder a sympathetic squeeze as I yawned, and then turned to go find his friend. I sighed and picked by bag up from where I dropped it down at my feet. Might as well try and fit a shower in before I’m shipped off again. 

The hot water relaxed my mind and muscles after my long weekend of work. I can’t sleep properly after a mission without a steamy hot shower, something Bucky always complains about when we have to work together. He claims I use all the hot water and that he can’t stand to hear me talk to myself while I’m in the bathroom. Whatever, screw him and his super soldier hearing. I keep thinking as I scrub my scalp clean about what the mission might hold. It probably won’t be very dangerous, considering Steve decided to only send two people. One bodyguard and one technical genius. We probably won’t even have to stay in a safe house this time, just get the files and get out.

My shower thoughts are interrupted by an aggressive banging on my bedroom door. Alarmed, I turn off the shower and wrap a towel around myself. I leave wet footprints as I walk to the door and my hair is dripping all down my body and the floor. I’m still soaking wet, but the banging is so loud that I panicked. I pull the door open forcefully, stopping the banging knock. 

“What?” I said urgently, but my haste fizzled when I saw who was on the other side of the door. Bucky. I can tell he’s surprised by my appearance.

“We’re supposed to leave in 10 minutes. You might want to dry off before then.” His voice is deep and brusk, rushing me. I roll my eyes and open my mouth to reply.

“I’ll be down there when it’s time to go, James.” I’ve never called him Bucky to his face. I know that if I did it, feelings would come with the nickname. Feelings I can’t have for him, because he doesn’t have them for me. 

I do hurry though, not wanting to ruin Steve’s mission plan. I towel dry my hair quickly before throwing clothes into a bag. I pack light, we won’t be there long. My hair is still damp as I quickly walk to the hangar, trying to stay on time. When I climb aboard the ship, Bucky who was talking to the captain, looked over to me. He finished his conversation with the pilot and walks over to me. I take a deep breath, getting my mind ready to fire back against him.

“Finally. Now that the princess is onboard we can leave.” He’s mocking me. I take the bait.

“I’m perfectly on time, James. So sorry that my shower inconvenienced you. Will my nap piss you off too? Or would you prefer me to be rested for our mission?” I snap at him.

“You’re two minutes late, actually. And no, I prefer you sleeping. You’re a lot less of a pain when you’re quiet. Even though you snore like a man.” With that, he turns and has the pilot prepare for takeoff, clipping himself into a seatbelt and looking at the wall, thinking I guess.

I roll my eyes and walk to the furthest seat from him, putting my own seatbelt on. I lean my head back against the wall, trying to find the most comfortable angle. The plane ride will be a few hours, I might as well try and catch up on some sleep before we get to the base. 

After 15 minutes I give up. Sitting up right won’t work. I look over to Bucky, who’s still lost in thought. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I stand up and stretch, walking in a circle to move my legs. I feel his eyes on me, but he doesn’t say anything and neither do I. Once I’m all stretched out I go back over to my seat, squatting on the floor and fluffing my bag like a pillow. It’s small, but it will be better to rest my head on the bag and sleep on the floor than trying to keep my neck from breaking in the seat. The floor actually isn’t too bad, and I fall asleep almost immediately. 

Hours later, I feel the landing gear deploy and I get up and go back to my seat. I check on Bucky again and his eyes are closed. I doubt he’s sleeping, focusing on the mission more likely. I wonder if he’s anxious about going back into a HYDRA base. I know he does missions like this all the time, but I feel bad for him, just a tiny bit. After all he’s been through, I wouldn’t blame him if he couldn’t face it. 

I’m starting to feel a little anxious myself now that we’re close to landing. I know I don’t have to be worried though. Bucky and I might not get along personality wise, but our skills compliment each other well on missions, a reason we work with together often. He has incredibly heightened senses and is trained for any situation. With my technological background, I can find any mission plans, classified information, or wanted lists on HYDRA computers, along with great search techniques. I’m trained for field missions too of course, but I am much less skilled than Bucky is, the reason for him being my bodyguard in particular, to pick up my slack. Which is very embarrassing. I don’t want him to look at me like I’m weak, but I am compared to him. 

We land, and Bucky immediately gets out of his seat and has his bag in hand, waiting for me. My seatbelt is stuck and it takes me a few seconds to get it unclipped, longer because he is staring at me, and once I have it unclipped I grab my bag, looking at him to lead the way. 

“About damn time. Let’s move.” I don’t argue. I’m exhausted, my nap on the way not helping much. I know my place on this mission. Bucky is the lead until we get to the main computer room. Once I get the information he takes the lead again and brings us home. Simple.

Bucky sets a fast pace that I do my best to match. It’s freezing. I’m wearing a special winter suit, which involves a tight under layer with a thick coat and pants over top, my boots large and heavy, thick gloves on my hands; but I’m still so cold. My cheeks and nose are pink with cold and my teeth chatter. There’s inches of snow on the ground and more is falling as we walk. Bucky told me it was a 5 mile hike from where the jet dropped us off to the base. The asshole looks perfectly fine, not a single sign of discomfort from the man at all. He’s barely even wearing layers. Just heavy duty pants and a coat, thin gloves. I bet he’s only wearing a long sleeve under his coat and not a full suit too. Stupid winter solider. 

 I landed back at the tower in the middle of the night and I haven’t seen daylight at all today, unless you count the barely visible glow, completely throwing off my internal clock. It’s about 1 or 2 in the afternoon, but it’s still dark outside. Bucky said something about winter and it always being dark and blah blah blah. I would really love to see the sun though. Feel its warmth on my face. 

After an eternity of walking, we’re on the outside of the base. I’m waiting for Bucky to give me orders, but he’s staring at the building, lost in thought once again. I wave my hand in front of his face, bringing him back to the present.

“Hello. What’s the plan,” I wanted to get this mission over with as soon as possible. He pushes my arm down roughly with his own gloved hand.

“Shut up. I’m thinking. Don’t let your loud mouth get us caught.” I huff, but whisper a reply.

“Steve said this place was abandoned,” My voice is so quiet it’s barely audible over the wind to my own ears, but I know he heard me. 

“No, he said it was semi-abandoned. People still work here. I’m trying to determine if anyone is here. It’s hard to listen with your stupidity clogging my senses,” he whispered back. 

I roll my eyes and step back away from him. Even though what he said was rude and annoying, I choose to listen to his order and stay as quiet as I can. I watch him concentrate, looking at the sharp lines of his face. I shake my head to clear my thoughts, when I have an idea. If he’s trying to hear voices in the base I need to make even less noise than I already am. I take some steps away from Bucky, giving him space and take a deep breath and hold it. Now I’m truly not making a sound. It’s been about 30 seconds when I see his head suddenly whip around to look at me. It startles me somewhat and I exhale and take a deep breath in, my brain hungry for air. 

“You’re allowed to breathe, Y/n.” He gives me a strange look and it makes me feel guilty somehow, foolish too.

“I’m sorry, I was just trying to help you.” My voice isn’t a whisper, just small. Very out of character for me. He’s making me feel weird today, subdued. Maybe I’m just too tired to fight. 

Bucky nods and waves me closer to him, taking a knee in the snow. I come close and do the same pointing my head down to avoid the icy wind, teeth still chattering. 

“Ok, here’s the plan. There’s no one there. Not that I can hear anyway. The room with the files and computer that you need to access is pretty much in the middle of the base. I have the blue prints almost completely memorized, so I’ll lead us there. Once we’re in the room you can do your things and I stand watch over the door. Any questions?” His voice was brusk, but he was giving me that strange look again. 

I shook my head no when he asked for questions. Only saying “I’m ready to follow whenever you’re ready,” Quietly in return. 

He nodded and began to lead the way. Even though there wasn’t anyone in the building, our heads were on constant swivels, and Bucky kept us out of the line of sight for any camera’s. When we got to the door, it pushed open. It looked heavy, but Bucky opened it with ease. I stayed close but behind him the entire way to the room, neither of us speaking. I yawned frequently behind him as we moved, feelings the heaviness in my eyes start to way on me. I blinked hard as we continued. The base was lit, but barely. Very old and dull lights buzzed on behind us, and there was no heat in the building. Meaning I was still freezing, but at least had shelter from the cold breeze. I could still see my breath in icy clouds out in front of me. 

When we got to the room we were looking for, Bucky went to push it open. Unlike the front door, however, this one did not open with a push. Bucky’s and my eyes met for a moment. I opened my mouth to question what we were going to do next, but instead he put a finger to my lips to keep me quiet. Normally, I’d fly off the handle at this, but something in the way he looked at me kept me quiet. I just gave a tired blink and nod instead. Bucky looked back at the door and took a few steps back guiding me behind him with his arm as he did so. He looked at me and pointed at where I was standing, and I again nodded my understanding. He went back to the door and placed his ear against it, listening. 

Suddenly he kicked at the door, right by the handle and with an enormous “BANG” the door flew open. My mouth fell open, so much for being quiet. He poked his head in before turning back to look at me. He mouthed the words, “I’m going to check inside. You stay.” I squinted at him while we was talking, but I ultimately understood what he was communicating. 

After a few minutes I began to grow more anxious as he looked around inside. I was worried about both of us. What if there really was someone in there and they got to him? What if he needed my help? I couldn’t wait any longer. I stepped inside the room. 

It was divided up into multiple rooms. The main room had a huge computer screen, blank right now of course, and multiple other smaller computers around the room with keyboards and monitors. I had just started into another extremely dark room when I felt myself slammed against the wall, my head bouncing off the cement painfully. I tried to scream, to fight back, but my attacker had his hand pressed firmly to my mouth, not letting any sound out. He was definitely a man, huge in stature and had me pinned against the wall effortlessly. I started to panic when the man suddenly let me go, saying my name. My head was pounding. 

“Y/n? What the fuck. I told you to stay in the hall. I thought you were a HYDRA agent.” It was Bucky, I think. He was whisper yelling at me, but all I could say in retaliation was a moan of pain. 

My hand was on the back of my head, where it had hit the wall, and my legs weren’t too steady under me. This room was so dark I could barely see, with no windows or lights. I felt myself swaying, and I knew I was about to fall. I reached out for Bucky, grabbing a fist full of his coat to steady myself. 

“Shit. Are you ok? Y/n?” He was still being very quiet, but his tone had lost the anger after realized that he had hurt me. I didn’t have my bearings fully back yet, still swaying heavily. I felt Bucky’s hands touch me, trying to stabilize me. One hand on my side and one coming up to meet my own on my head. I was breathing heavily, panting almost, trying to ground myself again. 

“Y/n, answer me. Are you ok? What hurts?” I know he was trying to help, but that comment pissed me off enough to make me pull myself together.  I pushed myself away from him, walking back to the main room where the computer that I need to access is. 

“My head hurts, James. Some asshole slammed me into a wall” I said grouchily behind my shoulder, at full volume. No more whispering for me. All the concern was gone from Bucky’s voice in his next reply.

“Well maybe if you would follow orders for once, Y/n, I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I’m a highly trained solider, unlike the other person on this mission.” His voice was equally as loud as my own now, and I knew we needed to be quieter, but I didn’t care. He started this fight.

“Oh please. Without me you wouldn’t even be on this mission. You’re too big of an idiot to get the files we need.” My voice was at a yell now, but his was louder still.

“That’s right, if you weren’t the weakest agent on the team then I wouldn’t have to be here. I could be on an actually useful mission with the rest of my team!” His voice was a boom and his words were painful. Not only to my damaged head, but to my heart too. What he just said only confirms that he doesn’t respect me as a fellow teammate at all. My mouth was open, ready to keep shouting at him in the dark, when a wailing siren came on, making my head explode. 

“Shit” we say in unison. Understanding that we have just been caught, we run back to the main room and out of the darkness. 

“Are there anymore entrances to these rooms besides the door?” I have to yell for Bucky to hear me as he slams the open door closed and locks it. 

“No. But you need to hurry and get the files downloaded so I can fight the agents off.” He pulls out a huge gun that was strapped to his back and all I do it nod. I feel horrible. I’m beyond exhausted, having no substantial sleep for over 30 hours, my head is going to pound out of my body, and now I have to find all these damn files Steve needs before Bucky and I get shot to death. 

I scramble to the computer moving as fast as I can in my condition. I plug in the hard drive I brought into the computer as I search for all the needed documents. I hear pounding footsteps getting closer and closer to the room we’re in and I’m really starting to panic now. I select the files that need to be downloaded and wait for them to fully process.

“Can’t you move any fucking faster! I would like to live to see tomorrow,” Buck’y shouting at me, but all I can do is wait for the things to download. My breathing is starting to quicken rapidly when some sort of gas is sprayed throughout the room throughout the vents. 

When the gas hits my nose and fills my lungs it burns like fire, no not fire, like chemicals. I cough furiously, tears streaming down my cheeks from the raw force my coughing fit has on my body. Bucky is fine though, unaffected by the gas completely. He comes to my side and takes a hard look at me. He makes a decision I guess cause he points at the computer and says, “I’ll fight the agents, as soon as this is done come to the door. Understand?” 

All I can do is nod, still fighting for air. Bucky goes over to the door and opens it, just enough to shoot the agents coming after us. By the amount of shots he fires, I’m guessing there has to be around a dozen of them out there. By the time I finally get my coughing under control, the files are ready. I put the hard drive in my breast pocket and zip it tightly. The pocket is on my inner most layer, so I’m not worried about it. 

I get to the door by Bucky, letting him know we’re ready. He nods at me and fires a couple more shots before saying, “I swear to God, Y/n, if you want to get out of this building you better do exactly what I say.” I nod at him and pull out my own gun, a very small one compared to his, but it’s what I’m trained to use, and I can use it well. 

I stick close behind him, more vigilant than ever. Bucky pears around the corner of the hallway that we need to walk down and I watch the hallway behind us, waiting for his signal. My head still hurts, but I’m focusing so hard on escaping that I barely notice the pain anymore. Bucky deems the hallway clear and we continue running. This pattern continues as we race for the exit, moving as fast as we can while still being careful. At the last hallway corner we had to use as cover, Bucky puts his arm out, stopping me from continuing forwards. 

“What?” I mouth to him. Even though we’ve been found out, I want to remain as quiet as possible. Bucky doesn’t like to be loud on missions. But Bucky isn’t looking at me, he’s watching someone else. I hear voices down the hall, loud voices actually. I can’t understand what they’re saying, but it looks like Bucky can. Duh, he’s been imprisioned by these people, of course he speaks Russian. 

Bucky pops out form behind the corner and shoots, killing the few men before they can return fire. He waves me forwards, and we begin running again. My feet are so heavy in these damn winter boots and my legs feel like jelly from the lack of rest. I don’t want to keep going. We better not have to run all five miles back to the fucking jet after this. We would have been out the door already if I had been paying attention, maybe not safe, but at least out of the base. 

I tripped on one of the dead men’s bodies. My boot getting caught in the crook of his elbow, and I fall. I crash really, down to the floor. Bucky whips around, thinking another threat has appeared. Nope, just myself potentially getting us caught. Bucky backtracks to help me to my feet when a line of bullets hits the walls around us. 

Moving faster than me, Bucky yanks me up by the upper arm and pushing me in front of him, yelling at me to run. I’m still looking at him when the bullet comes wizzing towards me. He blocks it with his metal arm, and the clang of metal on metal is loud in my ringing ears. Bucky pushes me again, yelling at me to run. And I do. I run as fast as I can, praying the bullets don’t make contact with my skin. 

I push through the front door we entered through, and I’m relieved to see there isn’t a mob of agents waiting for us. Just one startled guard who I shoot before he fully raises his gun. Bucky is right on my heals and I turn to him, waiting for him to lead the way. I am unsure where to head next, having lost my bearings while inside the base. 

Whipping his head around, Bucky regained his bearings. He picks a direction and begins to run. I follow behind him, remaining as close to his form as I can, as we run my heart is pounding, my ears are ringing, this mission escalated so quickly. I just hope Bucky knows where he’s going. 

we run for miles. My breath is short and labored. I’m starting to fall behind Bucky. I need to rest. I need to stop and get my mind back in order. There is a large stitch in my side, bringing me to a stop. I lean over, resting my hands on my knees as I bend down to catch my breath. Bucky stops as well, turning to face me. 

“Please James, I need to take a break.” My voice is small, gone is any fight. Bucky rolls his eyes. 

“Fine. I need to get in touch with Steve anyway. Stay put.” He walks a few paces away, leaving me to catch my breath alone. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but based on Bucky’s body language the conversation isn’t going well. He ends his phone conversation and walks back towards me. 

“The jet can’t pick us up for another 12 hours at the least.”

“What? Why not?” This day just keeps finding new ways to be terrible. 

“They’re still on their mission, and with the terrain of our area other jets cannot land,” I sighed. 

“So we’re just going to sit out here and die?” I spread my arms out, gesturing to the snow packed earth around me. 

“Yes, Y/n. They sent two very valuable agents out on an extremely important mission just to let them die out in the forest.” His voice was thick with sarcasm, making me annoyed. I understand where he’s coming from but I just wish he wasn’t such an ass. I roll my eyes and continue,

“So what are we supposed to do then?”

“There’s a bunker we can stay in for the time being. It’s a far walk, but it’s warm and there’s a shower. We’re limited for options right now.”

“Ugh. 10 miles will take us hours to walk.” My voice hitched in my throat. This was too much, too much walking, too much fighting. I can’t keep going.

Bucky’s face softened for just a moment. “I know. But we don’t have anywhere else to go. Come on.” 

We walked, and walked, and walked. My mind was separate for my body. My feet were dragging, barely clearing the deep snow. I was bone tired. I wasn’t cold anymore, the opposite really. My face was hot and I was beginning to sweat under my layers. 

Bucky stopped suddenly and I ran right into the back of him. He whipped around to look at me, angry. I apologized in a small voice. He shook his head annoyed, and then bent down to push away snow from the ground. He revealed a heavy trap door with all types of locks with various methods to prove your identity as an Avenger. 

The door eventually swung open and Bucky held it open for me. I looked up at him tiredly before lowering myself down into the bunker. It wasn’t very warm, but my body was too hot to notice. While Bucky was lowering himself down and locking the door, I looked around the bunker. It was extremely small. There was a couch, old and covered in a soft cloth fabric that faced the “kitchen” which was basically just a counter with a sink and cabinets. There will be no hot meals here. There was one bedroom and one bathroom. The bathroom was barely large enough to house the toilet, sink, and shower. The bedroom wasn’t much larger, only holding a queen bed and a tiny closet with extra blankets and supplies. 

I walked back into the main room to find Bucky heading towards the bathroom, a towel slug over his arm.

“Stop right there. Why do you get to take the first shower?” I did not walk all the way just to let him go first.

“Because you take years to shower, use all the hot water, and I worked hardest during the mission.” He didn’t stop walking. 

“You did not. I’m the one who go all the information. All you did was shoot your gun.” This might be a bad fight to pick, but I’m practically delusional with exhaustion. 

“Only shot my gun? I’m the reason the weakest Avenger is still fucking alive. I ruined my arm taking that bullet for you and I regret it. I should have let that bullet slice through you and saved my arm.” He slammed the bathroom door after his words, and I flinched at the sound. Ouch.

That was too far, and I felt myself shutting down into myself. I was too tired to think of how to get back at Bucky after his shower. I sat down on the plush sofa, sinking into its cushions. I feel too warm, even stripped of my large outter layers and just staying in the longsleeve bodysuit that was my base layer. I think I feel a cold coming on. That’s the only explanation of warm skin despite my chills. I had only been on the couch for a few minutes, but my eyes began to droop.

I was awaken by a towel hitting my face, making me jump up to a sitting position. I heard Bucky’s chuckle as he walked into the bedroom. Guess it’s my turn to shower. I rise slowly, feeling the room spin around me.

I decided to have a cold shower despite the cold air in the bunker. My skin was too warm and I wished I had different clothes to put on after my shower. Something not as hot as my bodysuit. I had tied my hair up to avoid getting it wet, cold air and wet hair would never dry. I had zoned out for who knows how long while washing myself off. I should get out before Bucky interrupts my shower like this morning. I’m starting to feel less stable on my feet anyways. 

I turn off the water and pull back the curtain. I reach for the towel that Bucky threw at me and dry myself off. I start to climb out of the shower when my foot landed on a small puddle of water, likely from Bucky’s own shower. My foot slipped out from me and I came crashing down to the tiled bathroom floor, my already injured head hitting down hard. 

I couldn’t move. I was still trying to catch my breath and my bearings. My hand holding the back of my head while my mouth made unconnected sounds of pain, calling for help. I forgot that Bucky was the only one here, my reminder being his voice on the other side of the bathroom door. He was knocking, calling to me I think

“Y/n? Y/n are you ok? What happened?” He sounded worried, and I tried to respond to ease his mind. I need to tell him I’m ok so I can get my naked body off the floor myself. 

But instead of telling him I was ok and to go away, I started crying. Overwhelmed by the day’s events and the pain that I was in, my spirit broke. I was able to half sit, wrapping the towel around me best I could. My hair had fallen out of the loose bun and now sat limp around my face. Talking through my sobs, I called out to him.

“Bucky, please. I need your help,” I don’t know how he understood what I was saying, my words muddled from my cries. I didn’t even notice I called him by his nickname, something I had never done before. 

I forgot that I had locked the bathroom door, and I couldn’t reach the lock. I couldn’t hear what he was saying to me. The door handle was ripped out of the door, allowing Buck’y hand to unlock the top lock to let himself in. When his body appeared in the doorway, his eyes widened seeing me on the floor. He crouched down to my level and reached out to touch my head. 

“Doll? What happened?” His voice was low, his eyes locked on mine. I had to take several deep breaths before I could answer him.

“I slipped getting out and I hit my head again, Buck. I don’t think I can stand on my own. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry you had to come in here but I can’t get out on my own,” My crying continued, unable to stop. My head was thick with pain and my skin was still too hot, even after my cool shower. 

“Shh, it’s ok Y/n. I’ve got you now. You don’t have to be sorry, doll.” He moved his hand from my head and wrapped me up into his arms, lifting me while he stood from the floor. His metal arm was cold against my skin, bringing relief instantly. Being held close to his chest, resting the side of my face on his heart calmed me. My cries subsided as we walked from the bathroom into the bedroom. 

He laid me down gently on the bed, pulling the sheet up to cover my body. He rested his flesh hand on my forehead and then moved it down to the side of my neck. 

“Is your skin normally this hot, Y/n?” He sounded concerned, which doesn’t seem like a good sign for me.

“No, I’m normally always cold,” My reply was only a whisper. My eyes began to open slower, my body completely spent. 

“Stay awake just for a minute for me, doll. Let me take your temperature and then you can rest, ok?” His voice was still low and gentle, not at all like he normally talks to me. All I could do to reply was nod. 

He wasn’t gone long, back with a little thermometer in his hand. He looked down at the tiny plastic tech and pressed some buttons before bringing it to my lips. I obediently opened my mouth and let it sit under my tongue. This interaction might have been awkward if my eyes were open, if I wasn’t so tired and hurt. But right now I didn’t care at all, letting him take care of me.

The thermometer left my mouth and I heard Bucky gasp. It was enough of a reaction to make me open my eyes and look up at him. He was staring down at the thermometer, mouth slightly open.

“What is it?” I whisper up at him.

“You have a fever, but it doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand how your temperature could have risen this much without you collapsing until now.” He had his thinking face on, and it worried me.

“How high is it? 99 degrees?” I was hoping that he was just being dramatic and this was a “large” rise in temperature to him.

“No. It’s 102 degrees. You can sleep now, doll. I need to call Steve again. See if he can get us out of here any faster so we can get you some help.” His hand rose up to touch my hair, brushing it out of my face. The movement was comforting and it relaxed me. 

Bucky was only worried because he’s a super soilder and I’m not. The fever most likely won’t get any worse anyways. Steve will probably come right away too, hearing about my condition. If Bucky doesn’t think it’s life threatening then I don’t either. I just need some medicine and some rest and I’ll be just fine.

With the comfort that Bucky’s care has given me, I close my eyes again. He leaves after a moment and I hear the door close behind him. I drift off almost instantly. 

CHAPTER 2:

Bucky POV:

I paced around the small living room, the mission phone pressed against my ear. 

“Come on Steve, pick up the phone.” I was talking to myself, waiting for the line to be picked up. 

I heard the line click and I felt a pressure leave my chest.

“Hello?” Steve’s voice was hesitant.

“Steve. You need to pick us up now. Y/n’s sick, she’s got a fever and she needs real medicine.” My words were rushed, racing to make my point.

“What do you mean she has a fever? We can’t send the jet, Buck.” Now I understood his hesitancy. 

“She’s burning up, her temperature is 102 degrees. We need to get out of here before she gets worse.” Steve isn’t listening. Y/n needs help.

“God. I’m sorry Buck, but the jet got pretty banged up. The mission today wasn’t successful and the jet can’t take another trip. Especially all the way to Russia,” Shit. 

“Send something else then. Do you think I’m playing with you Steve?” I was starting to get heated. I need him to help her. 

“We talked about this earlier, Buck. No other jet we have can handle the terrain.” 

“How long will it take for the jet to be fixed then?”

“5 days at least.” I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Fuck Steve! Can’t you at least try something? Who knows what her condition be in 5 days.”

“There’s nothing that I can do! Do you think I want to leave her either?”

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t take care of her without fever pills,” My voice was loosing its anger.

Steve let out a heavy sigh before answering, “Do your best to keep her cool. She won’t want to eat, but you gotta make her, Buck. Call again if she gets any worse. I’ll talk to Bruce and see if he knows anything else you can do.”

“Alright. I need to go check on her then.”

“Before you go, were you guys able to get the information from the base?” 

“So you can’t get us out of here, but you can receive our mission data?” 

“That information is vital Bucky. That’s the whole reason we sent you two so urgently.”

“Whatever, Steve. I’ll send you the fucking files.”

With my last words to Steve, I hung up. The audacity of him to give me zero information to help Y/n but still have good enough resources to get their data. I sighed and put the mission phone on the table by the sofa, walking towards the bedroom where I had left Y/n. I slowly turned the door knob, quietly pushing the door open.

I know she is sleeping; I can hear the difference in her breathing pattern. I walked into the room and grabbed her undersuit from the pile of clothes I left on the floor. I felt around in the pockets until I found the little hard drive with the files on it. I held it up to the light, looking at how small it was. What could possibly be on this for the mission to be so important? Before leaving the room I searched in the closet, looking for any spare bedding for the couch. All I came up with was a tattered blanket, but it would serve my needs.

After my shower I had found a blank long sleeve t-shirt and cotton pants. The shirt was a little small, but the pants fit well enough. I didn’t find any women’s clothes, but I doubt Y/n would want to overheat anymore than she is right now.

I turned to leave the room,  Y/n’s rustling in the bed stopping me in my tracks. I watched her face as her expression showed one of discomfort. She started to breathe heavier and her hands grabbed at the sheet covering her naked body. The sheet was the only thing thin enough to keep her covered but not overheat her. The sheet clung to her body, outlining her perfectly. I would be lying if I said she wasn’t beautiful…

Shaking the thought from my head I walked out of the room. There was a tiny computer in the corner of the “living room”. I logged into the Avengers software with my credentials and plugged the hard drive in the back of the computer. I typed away at the computer, trying to find a way to send over the data from my shitbox to the tower. Curses left my mouth freely as I worked. I was hunched over the computer when  I finally found the right button and clicked it before heading towards the bedroom. 

I checked a clock on the wall, settling down on the couch. It was 10:42pm. I’m beat, I’m sure Y/n could sleep for days if she was comfortable enough to. I laid down, closing my eyes and reflecting on the mission and all the events that happened afterwards.

-

I was awoken by the hatch door of the bunker being unlocked. All the lights were off and the only thing lighting the space was the moonlight that the door let in. I rose from my bed on the couch and walked towards the now open trap door. The air blowing in was icy cold, and I could see my breaths. I assumed that Steve was able to get a jet out here after all and didn’t call before he came to get us. My head was still thick with sleep, my senses dulled. 

“Hey, who’s up there? Steve?” I called out the dark figure climbing down the latter.

“Нет” The voice was deep and horse. My eyes widened and I moved to fight the invader. 

Two men who I didn’t hear or see come in jumped onto me from behind. One crushed my metal arm under his boot and the other seated himself on my back, keeping me to the floor. More men came piling down the latter, holding me down. I couldn’t fight back, I was completely trapped under them. I struggled, managing to kick one in the face before my legs were tied together. My flesh arm was pinned down alone, my metal arm completely destroyed. I heard the men laughing when the one who spoke to me in Russian crouched down in front of me. 

I don’t know how Y/n isn’t awake. I haven’t heard a peep from her. These men obviously know English, the Russian was just to startle me, to take me off guard.

“What do you want? The hard drive? Well you bastards are too late, I already sent the information to the other Avengers.” I spit out at the man. The group just continued to laugh. 

“We came for your little teammate. She is quite knowledgable on how to get our information. We’re here to make sure she doesn’t ruin anymore plans for us.” I struggled harder. They only came here to kill her. I’m supposed to be protecting her, it’s the whole reason I was sent on this damn mission. I’m supposed to be watching over her and I let them get the slip on me. 

Men started walking towards the bedroom where Y/n was resting. Where I told her she was safe. 

“No. Stop, please. I’ll give you anything you want, just don’t hurt her. Take me instead! Please!” I know my voice was desperate, but so was I. They couldn’t kill her. She’s my mission. 90% of the missions the Avengers have assigned me since she joined the team was to protect her. She’s my partner. Every fight I’ve ever picked with her is running through my mind, all the terrible things we’ve said to each other. But even then I’ve never failed to protect her like I have now. 

They opened the bedroom door and I lost it. I tried everything to uproot the men holding me down, determined to save her. I yelled out to her, “Y/n! Y/n you have to run! Get out of here!” But it was too late, and everyone in the bunker knew it.

I heard her screaming. She was begging for her life. Worst of all, she was begging for me to come save her.

“Bucky! Bucky please!” Her voice was thick with pain, sobs breaking through the silence of the night. Her screams were high and piercing, running through me like an electric shock.

I heard a gun go off. I fell limp under the men. Tears stinging my own eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. So so sorry,” I heard the footsteps of the men approaching, hearing a dragging sound along with the steps. 

The men got off me, retreating to the latter and climbing out into the night. Their leader threw Y/n’s lifeless body down in front of me before he followed his men outside. They didn’t close the hatch, letting the moonlight illuminate Y/n’s blood, still seeping from her body. 

-

I woke up gasping for air, my chest heaving. There was sweat beads collecting on my forehead and tear tracks down my cheeks. I take in my surroundings, checking around the room for any shadows or unfamiliar sounds. I’ve had nightmares since day one of becoming HYDRA’s lab rat. I’ve never had a nightmare like that though. So real and convincing. I really thought I just lost her.

Just as I was pulling myself together, I heard her voice call out to me. Her tone sent chills down my spine. 

“Buck? Are you out there?” Her voice was so small, even from the other side of the wall. I immediately stood and walked over to the bedroom. When I opened the door she was sitting up in bed, holding the sheet against herself. 

I’m still not used to her calling me that. Not that I mind; quite the opposite. Deep down it always hurt me that she wouldn’t call me by my nickname and always James. Calling her doll came out of nowhere too, a word I haven’t called anyone in this new life. She is a doll though, beautiful as she is.

“Yes, doll? Why aren’t you sleeping?” She looked exhausted. Deep purple bags under her eyes and sagging shoulders. 

“I’m too hot to sleep, which has to be some sort of punishment because I haven’t slept longer than a couple hours for days.” That comment made me feel sorry for her. She’s just a regular human, no powers to give her abilities to go without as much sleep like me or the other team members. The  only sleep she got between missions was what she got the nap on the way over to the mission. 

“I’m sorry. Can I get you something to sleep?” I have no idea how to take care of a sick person. Especially a sick person that I always fight with. 

“No. Thank you though. Did you find out how long until Steve gets us out of here? I don’t want to complain, but I really don’t feel good Buck.” Her eyes were closed when she spoke, showing her obvious fatigue. She doesn’t want to complain. More like she doesn’t want me to get upset and yell at her. I feel like such an ass.

“I’m sorry your fever is so high, doll. I have bad news though. Steve said he can’t get us for at least another 5 days,” Her eyes flew open and her face showed how distraught she was at the news. 

“What do you mean he’s not coming for almost a week? How am I going to get any better?” Her voice hitched in her throat and I knew the tears were coming. 

I sat on the corner of the bed and rested by hand on her leg, trying to comfort her.

“Hey, hey. It’s going to be ok. I’m going to take care of you while we’re in here, ok?” She gave a small nod. 

“What if I get worse, Buck?” She sounded so scared. Not like her normal self at all. It stirred something up in me. We have never gotten along, but I have never disliked her. I don’t know why I acted the way that I did in the past towards her, but it ends now. 

“You’re not going to get any worse, sweetheart, I’ve got you.” Her face was lit only by the candle, the shadow on her face highlighting the tears on her face.

“I’ll be here watching over you until we get rescued. I won’t let anything bad happen to you doll, I promise.” I continued to rub soothing circles into her leg.

“Ok Bucky. Thank you.” She yawned big and laid back down, moving around until she was comfortable. I stood to leave, but she grabbed onto my arm.

She spoke in a whisper, “Could you stay? Just till I fall asleep?” I melted back onto my seat next to her on the bed.

“Of course I will.” 

The rhythmic sounds of her breathing calmed me after my dream. I stayed by her side much longer after she fell asleep.

DAY 1:

I never went back to sleep after the dream that plagued my mind last night. Instead I searched the entire bunker for things that might help Y/n. There wasn’t much to find, not that I was surprised. The two things I wanted to find most was any type of fever medicine and a food type that Y/n would be able to keep down. 

In the bathroom there was a small, ill supplied first aid kit. Honestly, if you had anything more life threatening than a cold this kit wouldn’t be much help. There were some over the counter fever pills in there, however. The cabinet that held all the food wasn’t very promising either. It was filled with mostly with varied dehydrated foods. There were a couple of cans of chicken broth, which Y/n should be well enough to eat. But considering there isn’t a stove in the bunker she probably won’t find it very appealing. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the creaking of the door to the bedroom. Y/n poked her head out of the room, eyes scanning the room. Looking for me I think. She was also dressed in the mens clothes that were in the closet, they fit too loose around her body. Her lips raised slightly at the corners when our eyes locked.

“Good morning, Bucky” She fully opened the door and slowly walked towards the sofa. When she plopped down I could tell that she was tired, even though the distance she moved wasn’t far. 

“How are you feelings this morning doll?” I kept looking around the pantry, not because I thought I would find anything else, but to give myself something to do. 

“I feel better rested today than I did yesterday. I still feel too hot though. I don’t think my fever has broken yet.” This caused me to turn around and look at her. She did look less tired, but still worn out. I walked over to her and put my flesh hand against her forehead. She continued talking while I went to retrieve the thermometer.

“I’m surprised Steve didn’t have the work on the jet expedited when you told him I was sick,” She sounded disappointed that Steve didn’t come to her rescue. I’m honestly pretty disappointed myself. 

I held out the termometer to her and she silently opened her mouth and let the machine sit there while I talked.

“He said he would try his best. I don’t expect him to be able to get it fixed much faster,” I was so focused on getting her new temperature that my attention wasn’t really on our conversation. I was secretly praying that her temperature didn’t rise last night. I knew that was a fool’s wish though. I could tell just by touching her that she has gotten worse. 

When the machine beeped I pulled it gently from her mouth. I kept the number hidden from her and checked, expecting it to be no more than 1 degree higher than yesterday. It was much worse than that. Her fever changed from 102 degrees to 104.96 over night. I felt her eyes looking up at me, and I knew she knew it was bad just from my face.

“How bad is it, Buck?” I could tell by her tone that she was nervous to hear.

“I’m not going to lie to you doll, it’s not good.” I showed her the screen of the thermometer and she gasped. 

“I feel hot, but I didn’t think I was that hot.”

“It’s a miracle you were able to get yourself out of the bed and dressed by yourself. Are you hungry? Thirsty maybe?”

“Can I have a glass of water please?” It was so odd not to be fighting with her. Even more odd for her to let me help her. 

“Of course you can, doll.” I grab a cup from a cabinet and fill it with tap water. I feel her eyes on me as I move around the kitchenette. I hold out the water to her with my flesh hand. Our fingers brush together briefly and I feel the unnatural warmth of her skin against mine. 

“Thanks Buck.” She gulps down the water quickly. 

“What about food? There’s some broth I can get you? I don’t have a way to heat it up though.” Not that she would want anything hot anyways.

“No I’m ok, the last thing I want to do is eat right now.” I nod, expecting her answer. 

I sit next to her on the sofa awkwardly. I don’t know what to say next. There’s no entertainment in the bunker at all. Nothing to occupy our time with. The only thing interesting that I’ve found in the entire place is a deck of playing cards. I don’t have the slightest clue if Y/n even likes to play cards.

I heard her sigh heavily and look over to her. She’s reaching for the deck and beginning to shuffle the cards together.

“Do you know how to play Blackjack?” She slowly turns her body to face me on the sofa, criss crossing her legs under herself. 

This question brings a smile to my face. Despite all the memories that I was forced to forgot by Hydra, playing Blackjack with my old buddies in the military stays locked inside my head. 

“Of course I can play, doll. I think you forget just how old I really am,” When I looked up at her my breath got caught in my throat. She had the widest grin on her face. I’ve never been privileged enough to be the recipient of her smiles though. It was such an amazing sight. 

Y/n dealt out the cards and we began our game. We had nothing to bid but bragging rights. She was pretty good too, but not as good as I was. We played our game for hours, and when that became boring we moved onto another game. This was officially the most normal thing that we’ve done with each other. 

We stayed on the sofa for so long that I was able to forget the circumstances of our stay. I was reminded however when I looked up at the wall clock and noticed the time. It was 6pm and we still had no word from Steve. With the mission phone being half full with battery it is best not to use it unless there is an emergency, but I would have thought Steve would call to hear about Y/n’s condition.

“Ok doll, last round and then we have to eat something,” I was looking at my cards when I noticed her reaction. 

“I’m still not hungry, Buck. Can’t I skip eating?” Her eyes got so big when she wanted her way.

“No can do, Steve ordered me to make sure you’re fed while we’re in here.” I flipped over my card to show my 21. Y/n sighed heavily and threw her 19 down over my cards. 

I got up from the couch and put out my hand to help her off the sofa. Our reality came crashing down around me when Y/n took my hand to pull herself up. We’re not bonding as teammates waiting for our captain to get us home. We’re two teammates who never get along trying to survive the bitter elements until rescued, one of whom is gravely ill. 

Y/n is at her full hight when her knees buckle. It was lucky I waited for her before going to the kitchen. I wrapped my arms around her and kept her from hitting the floor. She was burning up against me, hands clutching at my shirt for dear life. 

“Woah woah. What happened, doll?” I spoke softly to her. Her gaze was flying everywhere around the room. 

“My vision just got super spotty. I-“ Her speaking pattern was irregular and she held onto me harder.

“It’s ok, Y/n. I think we just overdid it for today. Let’s get you back to the bedroom.” All she could do in reply was nod. I adjusted my hold on her and lifted her into my arms. 

I carry Y/n all the time. She often needs the help after a tough mission due to ankle and foot injuries. 

“I just- I think I just got up too quickly. Sorry Bucky, I feel like you just have to keep holding me steady this whole mission,” She tries to pull away, to stand on her own. I don’t let her though. 

“Whatever,” Is all I say in reply to her before scooping her up into my arms. I might be a super soldier, but she really is an easy person to carry. She automatically wraps her arm around my neck, leaning closer to me.

“Thanks. I could have walked on my own though,” This woman. She always has to argue about something or other with me.

“You’re done walking. I’m officially putting you on bed rest, doll.” Watching her wobble around makes me nervous. Especially when there’s no reason for her to walk anyways. 

“Don’t walk alone at least,” I offer. I understand she still needs to go use the restroom while we’re stuck here. 

“Ok deal,”. She helps me push open the door to the bedroom and I set her on the bed. She fixes the pillows to allow her to sit upright comfortably.

“Alright, Y/n. I know you say you’re not hungry but I’m going full nurse mode. If you want to feel the best you can in your current state then you have to listen to me,”

“Gosh. You’re so bossy, but I understand.” She rolled her eyes “playfully” while I turned around and headed back into the kitchen area to prepare a meal for her. 

There’s only a few cans of the chicken broth, so I decide to save it incase she gets any worse. I know the dried meat strips are going to be a definite no without even asking. I settle on the dehydrated fruits. There’s a good amount and a decent variety. If her picky ass is going to eat something today I think it’s safe to bet this is what she’ll choose. I go ahead and bring her a glass of water from the tap also.

When I get back to the bedroom I notice that the pants Y/n was previously wearing lay in a rumple at the floor. The bedsheet is pulled up, covering her from the waist down. I feel my own neck started to heat up at the thought of what she’s covering up when I give my head a slight shake. This is no way to think about my sick teammate. 

I sit in the bed next to her and hold up the packages of fruit to her, along with 2 of the fever pills. She just gives the pills a look for a long moment before reaching for them and swallowing the white pills with a gulp of water. For her dinner, she chooses the bananas. I secretly win a bet with myself. I eat the meat strips and we sit there in silence during the “meal”.

“Bucky?”

“Yes Y/n?”

“I don’t feel good,” I turned to look at her, and she didn���t look good either. Her skin was tinted pink and I could see the discomfort in her breathing.

“Oh doll, I’m sorry. Let’s get you to sleep, ok?” I stood up from my place on the bed and collected the wrappers from our dinner. I throw them away in the main living area of the bunker and when I return Y/n is naked under the bedsheet. She must feel miserable.

“Can I get you anything else?”

All I get in reply is a slow shake of the head, “Thank you for taking care of me. I’m sure I’ll be back to normal tomorrow and you won’t have to look after me anymore,” Her eyes were closed and she turned to her side, shifting around until she was comfortable.

“I’ll always take care of you, Y/n”. All she could to in response was hum, before sleep took her over.

I sighed when closing the bedroom door. She was making me so nervous, a feeling I’m not often accustomed to with her. Y/n is always so tough and she never lets me take care of her.

I wanted Steve to call me with answers for everything. I want to know what brought on this sickness. I want to know how he’s going to get us out of here and help Y/n. My mind wondered on the possibilities for what caused her illness while I was in the shower. I was replaying the mission on repeat in my head, thinking of everything we encountered.

I don’t think her hitting her head would have caused these symptoms. Well not the fever symptom, the head pains were definitely caused from her head smacking the wall. I feel so guilty for causing her pain. I wish we never came on this stupid mission. I’m angry that the rest of the team got to go on a group mission and Y/n and I had to go on this one instead. 

If we had been with the group we would’ve had a failed mission of course, but I’d argue that a failed mission would be much better than being stuck in an underground bunker. Stuck with a sick person you can't help, who is getting worse.

I got out of the shower, having no new ideas on how to help Y/n. I dried myself off and changed into dry clothes. When I checked the phone after leaving the bathroom I had zero new messages or missed phone calls. It felt like Steve wasn’t even trying to help us. I cleaned up the playing cards from Y/n and I’s game earlier before sitting myself back down on the couch. 

I was lying down, looking up at the ceiling. All the lights were off but my mind was too busy thinking to sleep. Too busy worrying about Y/n and too busy reliving my dream from last night. Eventually my eyes grew heavy and I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

DAY 2:

I was awoken suddenly by Y/n bursting out of her room and running towards the bathroom, hand covering her mouth. I frantically threw the covers off of my body and ran in after her, tripping over myself in my haste. She was bent over the toilet, throwing up violently. The only thing she was wearing was the over sized T-shirt from yesterday. The shirt was big on her yes, but I could see everything waist down when the material moved up as her legs moved.

I quickly pulled back her hair from her face and rubbed circles into her back as she was sick over and over.

“It’s going to be ok, Y/n. You’re going to be ok.” I don’t know how anything else could come up. She barely ate anything yesterday. 

When Y/n was done being sick she shakily stood up to her feet and walked over to the sink. I had my arms out for her to use as balance, and she did so gratefully. I looked at her reflection in the mirror as she cleaned her teeth. Her skin was definitely red and I could see the dark spots in the T-shirt where she had overheated and began to sweat. 

Y/n was leaning heavily on the counter when she looked up at me.

“Sorry to give you such a startling wake up call,” Her voice was raspy from sleep and there were still huge dark circles under her eyes.

“Don’t apologize. Let’s get you back to bed, doll,” She gave a nod and turned around to face me. To my surprise she simply lifted her arms out, waiting for me to carry her. She never just lets me pick her up, another indication of how bad she was really feeling.

“What if I didn’t want to carry you back to the room? Rude of you to assume don’t you think?” I was just teasing her, I asked my question while lifting her from the ground carefully. I pulled her close to my chest and she hummed in pleasure when my metal arm touched her sizzling skin.

“I knew you would, Buck. You always carry me when I’m hurting.” When I laid her back down in her bed I turned around respectfully to allow her to undress herself.

“I guess you know me better than I thought, Y/n” After a couple minutes I turned around placing my hand against her forehead to feel how much hotter she’s gotten overnight. It’s a shocking temperature difference. I sigh and pull my hand away.

All Y/n does to acknowledge my words is nod. Her eyes have already closed again and I know I’m going to lose her to sleep soon.

“You can’t fall asleep yet, doll. I need to doctor you up first. She just nods again at me.” I leave her room and walk to the kitchen, reaching for the broth instead of the fruit. I grab more fever pills for good measure.

I already know she isn’t going to want to drink this. I’ll have to practically beg her for every sip she takes. Before returning to her room I also fill her water cup, knowing that will be another battle.

When I’m back in Y/n’s room she is lying on the bed on her back. Her eyes are closed and I’m worried that she’s fallen asleep before I can make her eat and drink. To my surprise, however, her eyes slowly open back up at the sound of me approaching her bedside. When I sit on the side of her bed, she tries to sit up and adjust herself, grimacing.

"What hurts, doll?" I ask her. I busy myself with finishing the preparation of her dinner to avoid making eye contact with her while she covers her chest with the sheet.

Seriously what's wrong with me? My mission partner is down with a wicked illness that I can't cure and I'm fantasizing about her? I need to pull it together. I've always been attracted to Y/n but I've been able to keep those thoughts better controlled than I have as of late.

"A little bit of everything. This sickness or whatever I have feels like it's stopping my natural healing process." Y/n's voice is whiny, which normally drives me up the wall. But I can't be annoyed with a sick Y/n. I don't think it's possible.

"I'm going to try and call Steve again, see if Bruce has any new theories about what's making you get so much worse." I was hoping my words would sound comforting, like I had an actual plan. All they did was reveal just how reliant she and I are to our teammates on the other side of the world.

I continue talking to her over my shoulder as I leave the room, "Make sure you take both of those pills, girly. I'm expecting at noticeable difference in the broth too." I tried for a playful tone, hoping to entice her.

All I get in reply is a groan of frustration before I close the door behind me. I do hear her nails scrape against the bedside table as she grabs the pills though, so at least she's listening to me.

When I reach the mission phone sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch, I check for new messages. Of course, there are none. I left the phone next to me at night in hopes of Steve calling with some new solution. I wanted the phone to be close so I didn't miss the call in my sleep, even though my hearing would never allow me to miss such a call.

I pick up the phone and dial Steve's number, holding the phone up to my ear. It only rings a few times before he answers on the other end.

"Hey Bucky, how are you guys holding up?" I roll my eyes at him. Even I recognize that my best friend has some serious positivity issues. Not everything has to have a good light, especially not Y/n's current situation.

"We're managing okay. Do you have anymore information for me?"

"I do have something new, I don't know exactly how helpful it will be. Bruce just informed myself about what he discovered."

I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice when I answered. "What is it? What do we know?"

"The team and I have been pouring over the information that Y/n pulled from the HYDRA computers. Almost everything is about their new weapons that their working on."

This information isn't much interest for me, but I know Steve wants me to hear the complete story. "Okay."

"Well the scientists who were working on this project have been working on this new weapon. A chemical one."

I'm loosing patience for this man and his stories. "This isn't new information, Steve. HYDRA has been using chemical weapons for decades."

"Yeah, the team is aware. We just want all our bases covered. That's all the new information we have. What's the mission phone's battery lookin like?"

I pull the phone away from my ear and look down the see the battery percent.

"It's at 15 percent. We don't have any power though. At least not enough to charge the damn thing. We barely have enough power to keep these burnt out bulbs shining and. the heat on."

"I head that. I'm going to let you go then, Buck. I'll call you if we get any updates. Try not to use the phone again unless it's a real emergency. I don't want it dying on you and have no way to contact you."

I sigh. I know he's right of course, but I don't like the idea of sitting around watching Y/n get worse while I wait on Steve to find a solution. I don't say any of these thoughts, however.

"Right. I'll talk to you later than, Steve." I'm so frustrated at the whole situation that I don't even wait for his reply before hanging up the phone.

I grab the thermometer and walk back to Y/n. When I walk into the room I find her taking tiny sips of the broth. She hasn't had much, but there is a definitely a difference than when I first left her.

"Wow. I'm shocked to see you've listened for a change." I give her a sly smile.

She doesn't return the smile when she answers.

"Sometimes it's just easier to listen to you. You're already bossy enough when I do listen to your demands."

I sit down next to her, the same spot I occupy day and night.

"Demand, not order. Now open up." I stick out the thermometer and she lets it sit under her tongue with a roll of her eyes.

When the machine beeps I take it out and read the small number. Damnit. She's not even slowing down. If anything she's getting worse, faster.

"What is it, Bucky?" Her eyes are so tired. I feel so guilty.

"It's 107, doll." She closes her eyes and nods slowly.

"Feels like it to. I've eaten all I can for tonight. Can I sleep now?" She's so pathetic sounding I can't say no.

"Of course, doll." I rise from the bed and move to clear her cups when she reaches out and grabs tightly onto my arm.

"Don't go. Can you stay with me tonight?"

"I could never say no to those doe eyes." She gives me a small smile.

Instead of cleaning up and leaving the room to sleep on the sofa, I walk across to the other side of the bed and settle down. Once I'm settled I feel Y/n's arms creep around my mental arm as she presses herself against it. The side of her cheek rests against my shoulder and she sighs with contentment.

This is why she really wanted me to stay with her tonight. To keep her cool. Not for any comforting purposes, and it was silly of my subconscious to hope that was the realness of our situation.

Y/n is up several more times throughout the day and night to be sick. I seriously don't understand how she has anything to throw up after the 3rd time. Surely your body needs some sort of fluids to produce bile.

Every time she stirs to be sick, I am up helping her run to the bathroom. To avoid being completely naked, Y/n has settled on wearing the huge T shirt to remain some what decent. Eventually, she falls asleep against my metal side, clutching me close to her boiling body.

DAY 3:

When I open my eyes and look down Y/n is still clung to my arm. No one has ever held on to my artificial arm this way. It makes me feel less like a weapon anyways.

I lay with her as long as I can before I have to slowly pull my arm away to use the bathroom. Even though her neck falls in what looks to be a very uncomfortable angle, she doesn't stir in the slightest. I move her head for her.

When I leave the bathroom I check the mission phone, briefly. Steve was right when warning me about low battery. When I check the wall clock I see that it is 12:34pm. I can't remember the last time I slept this late.

I go back to check on Y/n to find her still sleeping. When I check her temperature I see that it's jumped again in the night to 110.96. I don't understand how she's still breathing on her own. Steve needs to get us the hell out of here.

Y/n begins to stir under me after I removed the machine from her mouth. Her eyes open into tiny slits and I think it might be the best she can manage.

"Hey, doll. How are you feeling?" I have to do my very best to keep her comfortable. I don't think she has much mobility in her current state.

"I'm too hot," Her whining has intensified since yesterday and it makes my heart ache for her.

"Do you want me to take your T-shirt off? Would that make it a little cooler?"

All she could do in reply was nod and lift her arms slightly.

After some effort I was able to remove her clothes and pull the sheet over her chest. I could feel my own cheeks heat up after my hand grazed her breasts while helping her. I need Bruce to give me some sort of mental check up when we get back, I'm all out of sorts.

I hand her more fever pills and a glass of water, giving her 3 tablets this time. Obviously they're not making much of a difference. When I'm pulling my arm away from Y/n, she catches my metal arm in her hand. Her thumb grazes over the bullet mark from our mission. The one I took to save her. The one I said I regretted because of the damage…

I was pulled out of the memory from Y/n's eyes filling with tears.

"Y/n? Are you ok? What hurts?" My voice betraying me and showing just how panicked I was.

"I ruined your arm." She sobbed. "It should have been me that took the bullet. I'm the one it was meant for," Her cries became even harder.

"Shh Shhh. It's ok doll. My arm is just fine. You didn't ruin anything. I would've taken that bullet in my flesh to keep it from you." Nothing I said was making any impression on her though. This must me some sort of hallucination from the fever.

Y/n is crying so hard her words are inaudible. All I can do is try and comfort her by reassuring her that we're both ok and that's what matters. She won't hear a word of it.

Eventually she cried herself out and fell asleep. Only after I picked her up and let her body lay on top of my own.

She never woke up again, and I didn't attempt to move her.

DAY 4:

This day is really dragging on. I'm out of my mind with worry for Y/n. She hasn't woken up since yesterday's sob fest and I don't know how else to help her. She lays face down against me, soaking up the cold of my metal arm.

I would be content to just lay here and worry about her all day, when I hear the phone ring. It has been almost 2 days since any word from Steve. I cannot miss this phone call. As gently as I can, I lay Y/n against the mattress and rush out to answer the phone.

I push the technology against my ear as I hit answer, waiting to hear Steve's voice.

"Hello?"

"Steve thank god. Please tell me you have news on what's wrong."

"Not really. All the information I have is on that chemical weapon I was telling you about. The gas. How's Y/n?"

"What do you mean gas? Like a knockout gas?" My words were rushed. There was a gas leak on the mission. It brought Y/n down with a coughing fit…but I was fine.

"Not like that, Buck. They're a mix of chemical and biological weapons. It's a gas that attacks the victim's body internally. It destroys their immunity to the chemicals pumped through the gas. Not only does it wreck their immune system, but it stops all forms of medication from aiding in the healing process."

I think my heart has stopped beating.

"What." My voice is rigid.

"Genius isn't it? This ensures that the victim won't have the ability to get any help from medicine or other common treatment options. Only they know the cure."

My hand is shaking so badly I can barely hold onto the phone. I tighten my grasp. Both on the phone and reality.

"Steve. There was a gas attack on the mission. Y/n got a face full of it. I wasn't affected so I thought it was harmless…"

"Fuck. You're sure it was gas? Not steam?" Steve sounded panicked now too.

"I'm absolutely sure. She was down for a few minutes after inhaling it." I was making my way back to the bedroom when I asked the dreaded question.

"Steve, what happens when you give the sick person medicine?"

"We're not really sure. It doesn't heal them for sure. There is a possibility that it makes them worse. Why?"

I don't answer as I throw open the door to see Y/n seizing on the bed.

In a far away place I hear Steve repeating his question over and over again, but it seems that I've almost gone deaf.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I force the phone into my pocket and race to Y/n's body. I don't know the first thing about helping anyone who's experiencing a seizure. I do the only thing I can think of, which is to hold her head as still as I can without making the tension worse.

I pull the phone back out of my pocket and yell at Steve. I hear him arranging for some sort of emergency transportation to be arranged. I look back down at the screen to ask how long will he be, for some direction on how to save the woman I'm falling in love with, but when I look at the screen I only see my own terrified eyes reflected back at me. The phone is dead.

After several minutes Y/n's body falls limp against the bed. I sigh in relief, but then I'm even more worried that she's dead. That Her body is shutting down around her. I feel so stupid. I should have mentioned that fucking gas attack in the mission report. I should have protected her better. That's my whole job. My whole purpose.

I do the only thing I can think of. I wrap her up in a sheet and hold her to my chest and bring her to the living room. I'm sitting on the sofa, back rigid waiting for Steve to come save us with her cradled against me. To save her.

I wait for hours. I watch every minute on the clock tick by. Every minute I check her pulse, I listen for her heart beating steadily and her lungs to fill with air.

7 hours later I'm in the exact same position. I'm rocking Y/n in my lap gently as I speak to her. I tell her it's going to be ok. I tell her how sorry I am for not protecting her like I should've. I tell her how badly I want her to live, to fall back in love with me as I am her.

When I hear the bunker door unlatch, my brain takes me back to my nightmare, to the HYDRA agents murdering Y/n in front of me. I hold onto her tighter before setting her down on the couch, prepared to die for her. I face the entrance when I see Steve jump down into the bunker rather than use the latter.

I almost cry from relief. She's going to be ok. Help is here.

But we're not out of the woods yet. Steve and I have worked with each other for so many years we can communicate wordlessly now. He comes over to look at Y/n's unconscious form on the couch before lifting her up.

I climb out of the bunker into a full blizzard. The cold doesn't even register to me. My entire mind is consumed with how cold Y/n will be, only wrapped up in her sheet. I wait barefoot in the snow to see Steve's head under me at the base of the latter.

He holds Y/n above his head towards me and I bend down, knees soaked with snow to reach her. Her body feels like a temperature that I've never felt before, blisteringly hot against my snow frozen skin.

The rescue vehicle waiting for us is a helicopter. Most likely the only thing available in such short notice with our usual jet being out of order.

Steve and I are running now, climbing into the jet and settling in. Steve races to fly us to the tower as I lay Y/n down on a stretcher, letting Bruce look her over.

I don't move the entire flight home. The helicopter is small, barely large enough for our 4 person party. The entire flight I watch Bruce work on Y/n. I barely notice the next weeks.

When we land at the tower there is an entire medical team waiting to wheel Y/n off to an emergency hospital wing. They work on her for hours. Not that it matters, she never wakes up, and they have no idea how to cure what ills her.

The days blend together. I never leave Y/n's hospital room. I sit in the corner and I watch over her. I don't leave to eat, I don't leave to sleep, I haven't changed out of the clothes that I wore in the bunker. I didn't leave when I heard her heart stop and I had to watch the doctors revive her.

There are a dozen machines that do everything for Y/n. One is full of oxygen, even though she can barely breathe. One is to track her heart and breathing patterns, because they shift so frequently. I honestly have no idea what the other ones do, I just know they beep at me all day and night.

I've almost given up hope on my partner when one afternoon a cure is found and administered. Beautiful Y/C/E open, her head turns my direction, and 2 words are uttered.

"Hey, Buck." Her voice is as horse as I've ever heard, but she's alive.

I take the first full breath I've had in weeks, before I answer

"Hey, Doll."

END