#doesn’t have to be a romance particularly but does have to be somebody he trusts I think

[fjordfocused]

scene where, through his romance’s eyes, Astarion uses the tadpole-connection to see himself for the first time in 200 years

[tressasinterlude]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 #𝟑: Female Public Figures Dating Men with Questionable Views That Contradict Their Image & Alleged Politics

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗥: These rant blog posts are really just reflective of my thoughts at the time that I make them and are posted here because I need an outlet to release all of this shit I have going on my busy ass mind. That’s it and that’s all. Now let’s get into it..

This rant was greatly inspired by none other than Ms. Robyn Rihanna “Tell Your Faves To Pull Up [in regards to social injustices directly affecting black people]” Fenty and her openly colorist boyfriend, A$AP Rocky. Aside from the fact that Rihanna tends to slip under the radar and is never held accountable for her problematic ways due to her conventional beauty (i.e. Her heavy usage of anti-Asian slurs, particularly targeted towards Chris Brown’s ex gf, Karrueche), it’s very alarming that a woman who has an entire makeup brand with a campaign based around the inclusivity of ALL black women is publicly flaunting a beau who once said that DSBW do not look good with red lipstick.

And yes, I’m very much aware that Rakim said this tasteless comment over 8 years ago but from the looks of it, not much has really changed with him. Don’t @ me about it neither because I don’t care.

Also peep how he compares a hypothetical darkskinned woman to a man (Wesley Snipes) while trying to explain how his antiblackness isn’t wrong because he said something about white women as well. Gaslighting at its finest. Don’t you just love it! 😀

Furthermore, you would think that somebody of Rihanna’s level of stature would know not to associate themselves with someone as messy as A$AP Rocky but... Stupid is what stupid does, I guess! I can’t even begin to place the blame on him anymore because he’s revealed his true colors and we all have made the deliberate choice to either accept it or don’t and have discontinued all support for him. Unfortunately, misogynoir is never the dealbreaker for most people and the hatred for [dark-skinned] black women is so engrained in society that it’s frowned upon when we publicly speak out against it. Very ass backwards if you ask me but that’s society for you. Now, enough about that. Let’s focus back on Ms. Vita La Coco.

As a woman who claims to be a girl’s girl and is always presenting herself to be someone who is the epitome of a pro-black feminist bad ass, it just makes her alleged activism come off so disingenuous when she’s also laying down with the same man that actively attacks the demographic she’s supposed to be standing in solidarity with. It’s “Black Lives Matter” on the IG posts but your vagina is getting moist for a man who openly stated he doesn’t relate to what goes on in Ferguson because he lives in Soho & Beverly Hills. Ferguson being the exact place where a 17-year-old black boy’s lifeless corpse laid on the hot concrete for FOUR hours after he was murdered by a police officer. He couldn’t 'relate' to the fate of so many black men, women, and children who are murdered or seriously injured from state-sanctioned violence because they’re poor and he is not or so he thought.

But then again, what can I really expect from a woman who identified as being “biracial” until as recent as roughly 6 years ago? What can I really expect from a woman who called Rachel Dolezal a ‘hero’ for cosplaying as a black woman? I’d be lying if I said my expectations for her were high in this regard because sis has always shown us she was lacking in this department. And just for the record, this is not a personal attack on Rihanna at all for the die-hard Navy stans in the back. I admire her latest fashions and bop my head to her music just like the next person but she’s getting the side-eye from me on this one.

Trust and believe me though, she’s not the only woman who I can call out for being a hypocrite. Of course not! This stone can be cast at a few others. So without further ado, why don’t we bring Ms. Kehlani Parrish to the front of the congregation? Prior to Kehlani’s recent declaration of identifying as a lesbian, her last public relationship with a man was with YG. Yes, the same YG who felt it was necessary to say him & Nipsey had ‘pretty light-skinned’ daughters to raise in the middle of his deceased friend’s memorial. By the way, Nipsey’s daughter is not even light (or at least not in my book anyways.) She’s a very deep caramel tone just like her father which makes what he said even more moronic. Yes, the same YG who thought it was clever idea to use slavery as an aesthetic for a music video to a diss track about 6ix9ine. And yes, also the same YG who has derogatory lyrics targeted at bisexual women. Just to end up sweating the red carpets with one. I swear the jokes just continue to write themselves.

This raises the question once more; How high of a pedestal can I really put a multiracial woman who has a song titled ‘N*ggas’ and when received backlash for the song in question, she used the ultimate ‘I’m mixed’ copout while not having a visibly black parent in sight?

It’s also kind of suspicious to me that many were not privy to Kehlani’s secret romance with Victoria Monét (pictured bottom right) until Victoria did an interview with Gay Times revealing she fell in love with a girl but they subsequently broke up because Victoria had a boyfriend and that girl was pregnant in a polyamorous relationship. Fans began to speculate because both Victoria & Kehlani previously candidly spoke about their sexual orientations, Kehlani had just had Adeya and they both were seemingly close. Their short-lived fling would later be confirmed when Victoria released the song ‘Touch Me’ on her last project and Kehlani hopped on the remix. Meanwhile, Kehlani’s relationship with Shaina (pictured bottom left) was very overt and all over her Instagram feed from my recollection. And as you can see, Shaina looks absolutely nothing like Victoria. They look like the complete opposite of eachother in every aspect which is kind of alarming(?) to say the least because why is it that the women she proudly claims as her partners tend to have a very racially ambiguous look such as herself but her ‘sneaky links’ on the other hand are undoubtedly black women? Again, it could just be me jumping conclusions. You know, I’m kinda good for that however something tells me I’m not. Y’all be the judge of the material though.

Last but not least, I’d like to touch on Ms. Raven Tracy very briefly. I was very weary about even including in this segment and if I should just put her in a entirely separate blog post with other women who openly date abusers despite their checkered past (alongside Nicki Minaj & her r*pist murderer of a husband, India Love & Sheck Wes etc.) being this particular blog post was based around the theme of lightskinned/mixed women dating men with extremely problematic views about DSBW. Raven obviously isn’t lightskinned or mixed however I refused to ignore how contradictory her [former] relationship with an alleged (I used this word very loosely and mainly for legality purposes.) serial r*pist while promoting a brand that is all about feminism & body positivity. This also traces back to A$AP Rocky by default being that Ian Connor is his very close friend and he came to Connor’s defense when several women came forward detailing accounts of Connor allegedly s*xually assaulting them. (I wish I could place the actual video of what A$AP Rocky said verbatim but Tumblr only allows one video per blog post. 🙄)

Back in June of this year, Ian & Raven had a back & forth on Twitter after Ian tweeted about Raven “fucking everybody” behind his back. I can only assume that he was alluding to Tori Brixx posting a video of her ex, Rich the Kid & Raven kissing on her story. Disgusted is not even the word to describe my feeling when she admitted she stuck by Ian despite of his many allegations of s*xual abuse because she loved him and her being a empath causes her to want to help everybody. Imagine aiding and abetting a predator and even paying for his bail & legal fees just to turn around and expect sympathy because this same individual cheated on you and exploited you all over Twitter for the public to see. The same man that you would get back with not even a WEEK after the fact & turn off your IG comments because it isn’t our “business” after making it our business...

That being said, I just genuinely want to know: Why do these women completely go against what they stand for in regards to these men? Maybe it was never genuine from jump street and if that’s the case, why jump on the bandwagon of performative activism? Is it because it’s profitable right now? Is it because disrespecting black women is not an immediate death sentence to your careers and more often than not actually helps you advance even further? I guess that’s the billion dollar question that’ll never truly be answered. I just want the world to stop using black women as their stepping stool to get to where they need to go and then discarding of us when we’re no longer beneficial. Support us all the way or don’t support us at all. We deal with enough disrespect as is so we’d appreciate if y’all would stop straddling the fence and partake in your misogynoir out loud if that’s what you choose to do. We have no use for fake allyship and quite frankly, it’s doing more harm for us than good. Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

- 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝙴𝙳𝙶𝙰𝚁 𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙽 𝙷𝙾𝙴. 💋

[bluejayblueskies]

an ill-fitting definition

rating: M words: 4.3k relationships: jongeorgie, jontim, jonmartin, background wtgfs additional tags: canon compliant, pre-canon, scottish safehouse period, canon asexual character, fluff, kissing, implied sexual content, rumors and misconceptions

written for weeks two/three of @archivalpride for the prompts identity and doubt!

cw for misconceptions about asexuality, assumptions made about somebody’s sexuality, rumors and outing somebody without their knowledge, non-explicit/implied sexual content, mention of canonical character death, mention of canonical stalking and paranoia, gossip (including of the sexual nature), food, very mild blood, mild internalized acephobia

ao3 link in source

.

It’s three weeks and two days after they began dating, when Georgie picks up Jon’s hand where it’s clasped in hers and asks with plain curiosity in her voice, so does the ring, y’know, mean anything?, that Georgie hears the word asexual cross Jon’s lips for the first time.

It’s not a word she’s unfamiliar with; she’s run in enough LGBTQ spaces in her time in uni that she has a good idea of the breadth of identities that are out there. She rubs her thumb across Jon’s ring and thinks, in the voice of the gender and equality training instructor with sharp red heels and a “fun” black dress who’d stood in front of the seminar she’d been mandated to take for one of her courses:

Asexuality. A lack of sexual attraction. An aversion or repulsion to sexual activities.

It had been a small word on a large black-and-white slide, crammed in next to aromanticism and overcrowded by a myriad of other sexual identities discussed at length. It had been… quite a comprehensive training, Georgie thinks as she quits fidgeting with Jon’s ring and instead threads their fingers together. For a moment, she considers asking what he means anyway, but she quickly dismisses the thought. She wants to be supportive, and as Jon looks at her with open, trusting eyes and a faint smile, she decides that she knows enough. She doesn’t want to make it awkward, and with things like these, she’s found that asking Jon to explain his feelings in plain terms can be… well, awkward is certainly a word for it. Best just not to bring it up, she decides.

Still, she feels the need to ask, “Can I kiss you?” because the red no sex sign blinking on and off in her head is frustratingly vague on what, exactly, is contained within that stipulation. When Jon voices his assent, she tips her head up and presses a quick kiss to his chin before kissing him on the lips, wiping the disgruntled look off them.

So yes to kissing, she thinks, tucking that away next to no sex. Yes kissing, no sex. Yes holding hands, she adds as she squeezes Jon’s hand in hers and he smiles at her, warm and soft, that special side of Jon that she only sees on occasion. No pet names, she adds a week later when she tries out sweetheart and Jon’s nose wrinkles with displeasure. No foot rubs, when Jon swats at her and says, between giggles, that he’s awfully ticklish. Yes back rubs. Yes cuddling. No PDA. No touching with wet or sticky hands. Yes brushing hair.

That’s as far as she gets before, one year and two months after she begins dating Jonathan Sims, she stops. After which point she stops keeping track, because, well. There’s really no point anymore, is there?

.

.

.

“I’m sorry,” Jon says, burying his head in his hands.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tim says quickly, holding his hands in the air in a placating gesture. He scoots a few inches away from Jon on the couch for good measure, unsure just how much space Jon needs right now. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize—I should apologize. I should have asked first.”

“It’s just—” Jon makes a frustrated noise, and when he takes his hands away his cheeks are dark and he won’t meet Tim’s eyes. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s okay,” Tim repeats, watching with a twisting feeling in his stomach as Jon apparently notices that the button of his trousers is still undone and quickly goes to redo it. His eyes follow the movements of Jon’s hands automatically, and just as automatically, he notes the distinct lack of a tent in the front of Jon’s trousers. The same… cannot be said for his own. Particularly after nearly twenty minutes of kissing, which Tim had very much enjoyed.

Christ, had Jon been uncomfortable with that as well? All in a rush, Tim says, “Was the kissing bad too?” Then, he winces—fuck, that sounded accusatory—and adds, “It- it’s okay if it was, I just- I didn’t know, and I don’t want to do something that makes you uncomfortable, Jon.”

“No, the- the kissing was fine, it’s just...” Jon makes an aborted motion with his hands, like he’s trying and failing to find the words.

“... complicated?” Tim supplies.

Jon nods mutely.

“That’s okay,” Tim says, and he finds that he means it. “We don’t have to do anything more than kissing if you don’t want to.”

“I- I don’t…” Jon worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like he’s searching for the right words, the crease in his forehead deepening every moment he fails to find them. Finally, he lets out a long, labored breath, pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers, and says, “Yes, that… that might be best.”

Tim studies Jon’s face. It’s pinched and a bit stiff, like Jon would very much like to crawl out of his skin or melt into a puddle and disappear. “You sure?” he feels compelled to ask, placing a hand carefully on Jon’s knee. “You, uh. You seem a bit unsure.”

Jon sits there a moment more, spine straight and rigid, before melting slightly against Tim’s hand, his face slipping into something more relaxed but no less unhappy. “Yes.” He hesitates a moment, then says, a bit stiltedly, “I’m, um. I’m asexual. Since we’re already talking about this, I… I may as well get that out in the open as well.”

Oh. A few pieces slot into place, and Tim says with perhaps a bit more enthusiasm than necessary, “Oh. Why didn’t you tell—?” He cuts himself off and offers Jon a sheepish smile. “Sorry, sorry. That was rude of me. Thank you for telling me.”

“We’re dating,” Jon says bluntly. “It was going to come up eventually.”

“Still.” Tim shrugs, then reaches for Jon’s hand and holds it tightly in his. “Thanks.” He hesitates only a moment before leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to Jon’s nose. Jon makes a disgruntled noise, which Tim thinks is adorable. Then, because it feels appropriate, he says, “Y’know, Danny… Danny was asexual. Aromantic too, actually. We had a big talk about it a few years ago where he sort of… laid it all out for me.” No sex, no romance, no thank you, had been the overall gist of it. Tim makes a new box for Jon and fills it in with the words no sex, yes romance, it’s complicated.

“Oh,” Jon says quietly, with that same sort of sadness in his eyes that he gets every time Tim mentions Danny, something much gentler than pity and significantly less cloying. If Tim notices the faint discomfort that accompanies it, something that whispers that isn’t my definition of asexuality, we’re not the same, you don’t understand if one were to listen closely enough, he doesn’t let on.

Tim does, however, notice the discomfort in Jon’s eyes—now mixed with anger—when two years, six months, and seven days later, he accuses Tim of murder. But by then, their days of hand-holding and nose-kissing are far, far behind them.

.

.

.

“Maybe he just needs to get laid,” Melanie says with a groan, lying on Georgie’s couch and staring at the ceiling. The Admiral is curled up on her lap, purring contentedly. She scratches absentmindedly under his chin.

“What, Jon?” Georgie appears in Melanie’s field of vision, wielding a damp wooden spoon and frowning.

“No. No.” Melanie shakes her head emphatically. “Martin. He’s been all… sulky lately. I think he’s still upset that Jon came to me instead of him for help, but I don’t know why he has to be all… touchy about it.”

“Ah. Well, you know, he is a bit hung up on Jon. At least, according to you.”

“I don’t see how that’s my problem,” Melanie says grumpily. “Besides, didn’t you say that Jon went on about Martin, like, all the time? Sounds like he’s got it bad as well. Maybe they could just… y’know.”

“Melanie.”

“What?” Melanie tries to shoot Georgie a glare, but it’s obstructed by the back of the couch. “I’m on my last nerve, Georgie!”

“I know, honey. But Jon’s really not… well, he’s not very open about these sorts of things. Getting him to talk about his feelings was like pulling teeth when we were together.”

“It still baffles me that you used to date.”

“He’s very sweet when you get to know him!” There’s a pause, a few clatters from the kitchen. “Besides, even if he and Martin got around to talking, Jon… well, he doesn’t.”

Melanie frowns. “Doesn’t what?”

“Have sex.”

“Really?” Melanie sits up, disturbing the Admiral, who lets out an irritated mrpp before adjusting himself accordingly and curling back up on her lap. “So when you were together…?”

Georgie shakes her head. “Nope. Never.”

“Huh.” Melanie thinks for a moment. “Is he like… religious or something?”

Georgie chuckles. “Jon? No, not at all. He’s asexual.”

“Isn’t that like… that thing that sponges are? Where they self-reproduce?”

“Seriously?”

Melanie scowls at the incredulous look Georgie’s giving her. “What? I’m not being a- a dick, I’ve just never heard of it before.”

“You were a YouTuber. Your job was to be internet famous.”

“Okay, now you’re just making fun of me.”

Georgie shoots Melanie a grin. “Sorry. Basically, it means that Jon doesn’t do sex. Like… at all. He just… doesn’t.”

“Huh,” Melanie says again.

“Yeah.” Georgie turns back to the stove. “Now, come here. Tell me if there’s too much salt?”

“Sorry Admiral,” Melanie whispers as she deposits him onto the floor and crosses the room to wrap her arms around Georgie’s waist from behind and take the bite of sauce on the spoon Georgie holds out for her. “Mm, tastes great. As always.”

And in the back of her mind, Melanie adds another line to the section labeled Jonathan Sims and writes, with careful handwriting, he doesn’t.

.

.

.

Although… according to Georgie, Jon doesn’t.

Martin pauses the tape and rubs his hands over his eyes. His cheeks are burning red, and he takes a few minutes to just breathe.

Doesn’t what? Doesn’t date? Doesn’t kiss? Doesn’t—

Martin stops that train of thought before it goes any further, the flush on his face growing in intensity. It’s none of my business, he tells himself as he ejects the tape and turns it over in his hands a few times before sliding it back into the small box it had come from.

He still can’t help but think about it. He thinks about it before the Unknowing, when Jon hesitates just a moment before wrapping him in a tight hug and whispering, I… I’ll be back, Martin. Then we can talk. He thinks about it when Jon’s in his coma, when Martin sits at his bedside and loses himself in daydreams and what-ifs. He thinks about it when Jon’s hand is clasped in his and he’s leading Martin out of cloying white fog and sea-salt air, his shirt speckled with bits of dark liquid that Martin tries to pretend isn’t blood. He thinks about it on the way to the safehouse, Jon leaning against his side, Martin’s hand clasped firmly in his.

He thinks about it a lot, in the confines of the wooden walls that let in the growing chill of the Scottish countryside.

Jon doesn’t.

He knows what Jon does. Jon makes him breakfast most days, eggs and toast and sometimes waffles, which Martin’s always considered a guilty pleasure but that he’s had more times in the past week and a half than he’s had for the past ten years. Jon puts his head on Martin’s shoulder when they sit on the couch and read, flipping through the dusty novels they’d found tucked in cardboard boxes underneath the bed that Jon had wrinkled his nose at but has been slowly making his way through nevertheless. Jon clings to Martin like his life depends on it when they sleep, and Martin will wake in the morning with one arm slung across his chest, a leg between his, and a sizeable portion of hair tickling at his nose.

And, nine days into their stay, Jon smiles at Martin as he shuffles into the kitchen in the morning, stands on his toes, and presses a soft kiss to Martin’s lips.

“Um,” Martin says eloquently, still half-asleep and trying to process what he’s 98% sure is their first kiss. He’d be 100% sure except for the fact that Jon kissed him like it was nothing, like it was easy, like it was something they do every morning.

The smile slips from Jon’s face, and he looks nervous. “I- I’m sorry, I should have asked first—”

“No, no, it’s- it’s okay,” Martin hastens to say, taking one of Jon’s hands in his and squeezing gently. “Just- just surprised, that’s all. I, um. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to kiss me, given that we haven’t…” He gestures absently, his face heating up. Stop talking, Martin. “Yeah,” he finishes lamely.

“Oh,” Jon says with a frown. “I… apologize for giving you that impression. I- I love you, Martin—I have no problems with kissing you.”

Warmth courses through Martin, as it always does when Jon tells him that he loves him. It all feels so unreal sometimes that he’s here, with Jon, away from it all and living in quiet domesticity. “Oh,” he says, face flushed. “A- all right, then. Great!”

“Great,” Jon echoes.

“Just- just thought maybe you didn’t—”

Martin clamps his mouth shut, face heating up more, this time in embarrassment. Shut up, Martin.

Jon raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t… what?”

“Um.” Martin rubs a hand across the back of his neck. “Kiss?”

Jon looks at Martin blankly. “Oh. Well, I- I do.”

“Right, yeah, I- I put that together. When we, um. You know.”

Jon looks amused. “Kissed?”

“Yep, that,” Martin squeaks out.

They look at each other for a moment before dissolving into giggles. Jon presses another kiss to Martin’s lips and finishes making the waffles and kisses Martin again when he hands Jon his tea, and it’s really quite lovely indeed.

So Martin adds Jon kisses to his mental list of Jon does and finds a sole remainder on the list of Jon doesn’t. And it’s fine with him, he decides, if Jon doesn’t want to have sex. He just wants Jon, in whatever way Jon will have him.

Jon doesn’t do sex, he thinks as he kisses Jon goodnight.

So, three days later, when they’re on the couch and they’ve kissed until Martin is red-faced and breathless and Jon pulls back with a pinched expression on his face, Martin assumes—with hot embarrassment coursing through him—that he’s somehow gone too far and strayed into sex territory and made Jon uncomfortable.

Then, Jon says with cheeks dark and eyes focused resolutely on Martin’s chest, “Martin, would… would you like to move to the bedroom?” and Martin’s thoughts grind to a halt.

“Sorry, what?” is all he can think to say.

Jon’s cheeks grow incrementally darker. “I am asking,” he says slowly, like the words are clunky and unwieldy in his mouth, “if you would like to have sexual intercourse. With me, of course, I- I hope that was implied.”

Martin’s aware that his mouth is quite literally hanging open in shock. He closes it quickly before swallowing and saying, “I… yeah, Jon, I- I’d love that, but I thought you—”

He clamps his mouth shut again, a touch too late. Jon’s forehead creases in confusion and he says, “I what?”

Martin hems and haws for a moment before biting the bullet and saying, all in a rush, “I thought you didn’t like sex.”

Jon’s frown deepens. “What? Why?”

And god, Martin doesn’t want to admit that he’s been thinking about office gossip for nearly a year, but he’s dug his grave—he may as well lie in it. He sighs, worries his hands on his lap, and says, “I… may have listened to a tape where Melanie said that Georgie said that you… didn’t.”

Jon looks at Martin blankly for a moment before his expression flattens into something that’s equal parts irritated and resigned. “Ah. Right. That… that makes sense, I suppose.”

“I’m sorry, Jon,” Martin says emphatically, placing his hand atop Jon’s and squeezing. “I- I didn’t mean to hear it; I was listening to the statements and it was just there.”

“No, it’s… it’s not your fault.” Jon sighs and rubs a hand across his eyes. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

“What?”

Jon makes an aborted, dismissive gesture with his hand. “I’ve… never been good at explaining my own preferences. I never did with Georgie, just… told her I was asexual and left it at that. I suppose she took that to mean that I, er. Didn’t.”

Asexual. Martin has a vague notion of what that means—he’s been in enough online LGBTQ spaces to have encountered the word before, but he’s never really looked into it much himself. If pressed, he thinks he’d also assume it meant that Jon didn’t. Something a bit guilty twists within him at that thought, amplified by his next thought that Georgie shouldn’t have assumed, because, well, that’s a bit hypocritical, isn’t it? Still, he feels the need to voice it; he squeezes Jon’s hand again and says, “It’s not your fault that she just- just made assumptions about what you wanted, Jon.”

“Yes, but it’s my fault that I never corrected her.” Jon makes a face. “Or Tim, now that I think about it. I… I suppose I’m just not very good at talking about these things. Particularly because my own preferences are…” Jon’s pained expression deepens. “Christ, I don’t want to say complicated again, but there really is no other word for it.”

That’s not your fault either, Martin wants to say, but he knows Jon will just contradict him again, and he’ll repeat himself, and then they’ll just be talking in circles, and that won’t help anything. It’s frustrating, but it’s the truth. Still, Martin finds the words waiting on his lips when he opens his mouth, so he shuts it again and thinks for a moment, promising himself later. I’ll tell him later. Finally, he says carefully, “Do you… do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I don’t want to assume.” He lets out a humorless laugh. “Well, I don’t want to keep assuming, I suppose, given that I’ve already assumed quite a lot.” Quieter: “Sorry, again.”

“It’s fi—” Jon cuts off, takes a breath. “Th… thank you, Martin.” He hesitates a moment, then says haltingly, “I- I do want to talk about it, but I don’t—” He makes a frustrated noise. “—I don’t know how.”

“Okay,” Martin says after a moment. “You said it’s complicated, yeah?” When Jon nods mutely, he continues, “Would it help if you described how you feel right now? That’s- that’s less complicated, right?”

Jon’s mouth flattens into a thin line. “I… suppose.”

“All right, then.” Martin makes a go-on gesture, then rests his hand atop Jon’s and applies a gentle pressure.

Jon takes a few deep breaths, squints at nothing, makes a few wordless noises, then says bluntly, “I want to have sex with you.”

Martin tries really, really hard not to blush, but he doesn’t think he quite succeeds given how hot his face feels when he says, “Right, okay.” His voice is a bit higher-pitched than normal; he hopes that Jon doesn’t notice. “And, um. Do you always… want to have sex with me? Or just right now.”

Jon grimaces. “That’s where it gets complicated.” He makes an I-don’t-know gesture with his free hand and says, “No? Yes? I don’t know, Martin. I’m told that not wanting sex all the time is- is normal, that- that you have to be in the mood, but apparently I’m just supposed to know when I’ll be in the mood and when I won’t be, and that- that doesn’t really work for me.”

“Are you—” Martin cringes internally, but forces the words out. “—in the mood right now?”

“Well,” Jon grumbles, “not anymore, but I was. And it’s complicated, because even if I am, I- I don’t always want to be touched, but how do you explain that to someone, how- how do you tell someone that it’s mostly no but sometimes yes and there’s a very good chance that I might change my mind halfway through and decide that it’s no after all?”

“I think,” Martin says patiently, “that you just say that.”

Jon gives Martin a look. “Martin.”

“What? It’s true!” Martin gives Jon as reassuring a smile as he can muster. “It made sense to me, at least.”

“Yes, but that’s not—” Jon makes a frustrated noise. “It’s not whether or not it makes sense, it’s whether or not somebody is willing to put up with a sexual partner who doesn’t know whether or not they’re going to want to have sex on any given day, whether they- they’ll be repulsed or interested or want to give but not receive or the other way around or- or something else that I haven’t thought of but that will likely happen because consistency is, apparently, off the cards for me entirely.”

“Hey, hey,” Martin says gently, placing a hand on Jon’s shoulder and rubbing gentle circles with his thumb. “Jon, look at me.” When Jon looks, albeit reluctantly, Martin continues, “I can’t speak for other people, and I- I can’t tell you how to feel, but I can tell you how I feel, and I… I’m willing. No, more than willing—I love you, Jon, all of you, and if this is how you feel, then I love that about you too. Whatever you’re willing to give me, it… it’ll be enough. You’re enough.”

Jon’s cheeks darken and he looks away. After a long moment, he says in a stiff voice, “Well. Thank you, Martin.” Then, a bit softer: “I… I love you too.” He looks at Martin then and offers him a small, weak smile. “It’s… well, it’s still awkward, but it’s not quite as bad—talking about all of this—as I thought it would be.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. Talk to me about it, that is.”

Jon’s smile turns a bit hesitant. “So you would really be okay if I… if I never asked again? To, er. To have sex.”

“Yes,” Martin says, without hesitation.

“Oh,” Jon says quietly. “And- and if I said that I did? Want to? That… that would be okay too? Even if I’d already said that I didn’t?”

“Yep.”

Jon looks down at his hands where they’re twisted tightly in the hem of his jumper, then back up at Martin. “All right.” He hesitates a moment, then says, “And if… if I said that I wanted to have sex… now?”

Ah. It looks like Martin’s not done blushing quite yet. “Yep, that- that’s fine with me,” he squeaks out, then cringes internally. Fine? Really?

Thankfully, Jon doesn’t seem offended; if anything, he seems amused, his mouth quirking up into a small smirk. “All right, then.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to Martin’s lips, soft and chaste and ever-so-slightly lingering before he pulls away. “I, er. I think I’d like to just kiss for a bit, though.” His smile turns teasing. “Foreplay is very important, after all.”

Martin groans and gives Jon a look, his face likely fully tomato-red by now. “Jon.”

“Need to make sure we’re fully in the mood before beginning proceedings—”

“Yes, yes, you’ve made your point,” Martin says, a giggle slipping out around the words. Then, because he’s nothing if not a little mischievous himself, he leans forward and captures Jon’s lips in a kiss, significantly less chaste and a touch more insistent, pressing until Jon is leaned back against the arm of the couch and Martin is hovering over him. Martin disengages from the kiss so he can marvel at the flushed, wide-eyed expression on Jon’s face. “Like that?” he says innocently.

Jon blinks up at him for a few seconds, like he’s not entirely sure how to process everything in front of him, before he smiles, a warm, happy thing that captures Martin’s heart entirely and steals it away. “I do believe that was adequate, yes. Perhaps you should do it again though, just to make sure.”

So Martin does. I love him, he thinks as he kisses Jon on the couch and kisses him again on the bed, kisses him in the spot between his shoulder blades where he always carries tension and in the dip of his clavicle and on the inside of his thigh. And when he’s curled up next to Jon after, he presses another kiss to the crown of Jon’s head and wraps his arms around him and quietly discards his mental lists of does and doesn’t. He’ll start from scratch, he decides, and after a moment’s thought, he comes up with two more lists, upon which it’s surprisingly easy to add item after item after item.

Jon likes to be kissed. Jon likes eggs and toast, but not jam, and likes his tea black and slightly oversteeped. Jon doesn’t like wool because he finds it itchy. Jon doesn’t like white wine, but he likes red, the kinds that are too dry for Martin’s tastes.

Jon likes Martin, and Martin likes him too. So, so much. And even when things change, when Jon finds a white wine he likes at a restaurant they visit and he takes his tea once with honey and enjoys it and he goes through a period where he doesn’t enjoy open-mouthed kisses and Martin adjusts his lists accordingly, that remains.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 27)

The closer we get to the end, the more nervous I am, and maybe you are too, because things are going to go horribly awry and only suffering is to come. Fate is adamant that a specific twelve year old must die, and we really have no choice but to watch it all unfold.

In this part, we will discuss the chapters building up to the New Year's Concert, where Reo will attempt to assassinate the ESP.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Six

Ruka finds Natsume in the snow. He asks where he’s been, and Natsume responds that he went to see Mikan. Natsume imagines that Ruka will be jealous, because he feels guilty. He’d been putting his own wants first this whole night, and he hadn’t even considered Ruka.

Expectation vs. Reality. Ruka, best boy.

But Ruka is not jealous, or he’s very good at hiding it. He beams at Natsume, offering only congratulations and support. He’s happy for them, that both of their wishes came true. In fact, Ruka was also wishing for it, that Mikan and Natsume could find each other.

Natsume apologizes, because Ruka’s cheerful support only makes him feel more guilty, but he doesn’t tell him for what. He will not recount the details of the night, particularly of the many kisses shared between him and Mikan.

There’s a happy moment between Natsume and Ruka until, of course, Natsume starts coughing violently. He coughs up blood again, and when Ruka asks him if he’s okay, he’s ready to downplay it, already hiding his hand so that his best friend won’t worry. But Ruka grabs his hand and looks at the blood on the glove, and there’s a somber moment between them. Natsume tries to talk, but Ruka knows he’s just going to try and downplay it again, so he interrupts.

The best friendship in all of fiction. I stand by this forever. You can't change my mind.

Ruka has watched Natsume suffer the whole time they’ve been at the academy, even before then. He might not have had all the details, but he’s known that Natsume’s life was agony. He was helpless, and even became a burden (in his own view, not Natsume’s). He pleads with Natsume not to hide from him anymore. They’re meant to be best friends, and all Ruka has ever wanted was to be Natsume’s support system, but Natsume shut him out in the guise of protecting him. He keeps all his pain locked away and deals with it on his own.

Watching someone you love suffer and not being able to do anything about it is a tremendous pain, Ruka says. Natsume must sympathize. He will say something similar later on about Mikan’s situation.

Ruka loves Natsume. Natsume might have thought that he dragged his only friend into a bottomless pit of despair but Ruka asserts he’s never once regretted following him to the academy, not even for a second.

Ruka is confessing now. Natsume must know now that his existence is important to at least two people who love him unconditionally, but he doesn’t internalize it. Maybe he can’t. He’s too stuck in the role of martyr that straying from it would go against the very fabric of his own identity. He exists and has always existed to protect others. Protecting himself or even considering himself doesn’t align with that identity. No matter how much Mikan and Ruka plead with him to keep himself safe, he can’t abide. They’re more important than he is. He fails to see how much heartbreak and sorrow he will leave in his wake of self-destruction.

Natsume can’t internalize it. He can’t take it in and change course. It’s too late for that, in his mind. But he can tell Ruka the truth, because supporting Natsume is all Ruka wants.

He confesses too. He’s afraid. He doesn’t like thinking about the future, not even a year from now, because he’s scared he’ll be dead by then.

He says his secret fear out loud, that he won’t be able to protect her, and it’s still so heart-breaking that he still only sees his own value in how much he can protect people. He will shorten his own life to get her out of the darkness she’s ended up in. He doesn’t see worth in his existence just for the sake of living, of breathing, of smiling and laughing and crying and existing. Instead, his value is conditional. He is only so good as he is able to protect others and when he can’t anymore, then he is no longer valuable. It’s a glaring sign of a ridiculously low self-esteem.

He wants to choose life! He wants to live! Oh, this makes it worse...

But something has changed. He doesn’t want to die. He wants to live and be with her forever. He can’t be with her if he’s dead. It’s a selfish thought, and as I’ve been saying, that’s a wonderful thing. If only that selfish impulse were stronger, than maybe things wouldn’t be so doomed in the coming week. But Natsume’s ingrained martyr complex is stronger than anything, and his new flicker of selfishness doesn’t stand a chance.

Ruka promises he’ll do anything to support Natsume and Mikan’s future together. And so Natsume asks Ruka to protect Mikan if he’s no longer able to.

I personally don’t think he’s handing Mikan over here. This whole conversation’s context is specifically about protecting Mikan, and how Natsume wants only to keep her safe, even at the expense of his own life (though he’s actually more cavalier with that than he lets on, so it’s not much of an “even”, is it?). If Natsume is dead, he wants somebody he trusts to watch over her and prioritize her as he has. Who better than Ruka, who loves Mikan too and will want to keep her safe as well?

Or. You could just. Not die. Just a thought.

Natsume has never treated Mikan as an object to be won. He’s in fact made several comments about not “competing” at all. If he was able to give Mikan to Ruka, those two would be together now already and Natsume wouldn’t be the one holding Mikan’s alice stone. He is not any more capable of giving her away then he’s been before, and he’s less motivated to now than he’s ever been. Mikan is his, after all. Why would he “give her away” so soon after promising to be together forever?

He’s only concerned with Mikan’s safety and freedom here. If he dies in the pursuit of that, which he will, then someone else needs to make sure she’s safe and free. What she does with that safety and freedom is not in his or Ruka’s or anyone’s hands. I imagine Natsume, who got jealous of Mikan thinking of all her important people when making her alice stone would also get jealous at the thought of Mikan falling in love with somebody after his death. It might occur in the distant future, but it probably wouldn’t be any fun to imagine.

You may disagree with me, but I just can’t see it that way. I just don’t see it.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Seven

It’s New Year’s. Mikan’s birthday. There’s a celebration happening in the dorms, just like last year, but Natsume isn’t dressed in traditional garb to welcome the new year and feast like all the other students.

Instead, he’s waiting for Narumi in a hallway.

He wants all the information he can get, so he can get Mikan out of her cage sooner. Narumi isn’t talking, always willing to act dumb to get out of things. But Natsume knows better. He saw Narumi in the flashbacks, and knows how much Narumi loved Yuka. He would’ve done anything for her, even if it resulted in his own death. Narumi should understand how Natsume feels, then. He knows Mikan is suffering and in danger, but he can’t do anything about it. He says something to the effect that he shouldn’t even be living at this point, again reiterating that his life only has value if he’s able to protect people, particularly Mikan. If he’s unable to do that, then he might as well die. There’s really no difference, he says.

Jeez, kid, relax.

Narumi tries to point out that Natsume is dying, as if perhaps the kid is unaware of this, but Natsume grabs him and declares that he will not end up like him. Natsume seems to understand Narumi (probably more than I can! Haha) and that his life has been empty and soulless for a long time. Narumi is full of regret and has been for years, but Natsume won’t be like that. He won’t live with regret. He’ll do anything he can to save Mikan, and he’ll die without a single regret. He also claims he won’t give up on the idea of sharing a future with Mikan, and that makes the inevitable doom of their romance all the more tragic. Natsume isn’t planning on dying. He’s not imagining that he doesn’t even have a full two days left to live. He’s thinking he’ll push himself to the end of his rope, save Mikan, and then live happily ever after. It’s naive and childish and ridiculous that he really believes he can have his cake and eat it too, but he does with his whole heart.

"I want to live," is enough for me. I stopped reading after that. LET THIS KID LIVE.

Natsume tells Narumi to stop underestimating him for his age. But Narumi agrees: he doesn’t want Natsume or any of the other kids to end up like him and his generation did. He wants things to be better, for the new generation to have a happy and hopeful future to look forward to instead of surrendering to a life of misery and regret.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Nine

Natsume and Ruka are something like partners-in-crime now. They both know that taking out the ESP is the only way to free Mikan. They are spying on Reo, who has come under the guise of performing for the New Year’s concert, who spills that Z wants to assassinate the ESP.

Tsubasa and Tono quickly join the conversation, although they’re somewhat unwanted.

Reo keeps talking, and now all four of them are privy to his plan. Tono scolds Natsume for trying to get involved when it’s obvious Z is already on the case. Let them do it, he says. Keep yourself safe instead of putting everything on your own shoulders. Naturally, this is Natsume we’re talking about, so no amount of logic will get into his head, but it was worth a try, Tono.

Natsume's little face here is my favorite. His little angry expressions are always the highlight of any page.

Hearing this warning, Natsume can see the sense in it. He doesn’t want to leave his fiancee alone and heart-broken by his loss (more proof that he doesn’t really believe he’ll die) tomorrow, but to his horror, Koko was reading his thoughts aloud.

Natsume is embarrassed to be put on the spot, and he didn’t want to hurt Ruka’s feelings, so he takes out his anger on Koko. Then he punishes Tsubasa for teasing him about how fast he’s going with Mikan when Tsubasa is actually just slow with Misaki. Then it’s revealed that Tsubasa did finally confess to Misaki and got the answer he wanted, which only pisses Natsume off more, inexplicably. He’d be angry either way, just because it’s Tsubasa. He probably just wants to take the focus off himself and the fact that he’s already proposed to Mikan.

Tsubasa was in fact inspired by Natsume’s commitment to protecting Mikan. He confessed because his kouhai was so determined. But he also expresses concern for Natsume’s recklessness. Protecting people is a worthwhile pursuit, but so is valuing your own life. Other people depend on him and love him, and losing would hurt. He doesn’t have to do everything on his own. Working as a team can ensure his safety and keep him living longer. They’re all on the same page, after all, so why not join forces and get it done more efficiently without Natsume being the martyr again?

Yeah, Natsume, go to therapy. Like, yesterday.

But as the group splits up, Ruka holds Natsume still. He wants to talk about what happened on Christmas, but Natsume doesn’t. He’d rather keep that to himself, not at all willing to hurt Ruka’s feelings after he’s been nothing but supportive.

But he can’t lie, and Ruka has expressed interest in hearing all the truthbombs Natsume can dish out, so he comes clean. They exchanged alice stones. It looks like it pains Natsume to admit it. He’s consumed by guilt for the role he’s played in hurting Ruka. But Ruka is still just happy for him. He again offers congratulations, and all is well until Koko announces that Natsume and Mikan kissed a lot too. Apparently, Natsume has been thinking about the kisses so often and shamelessly to the point that Koko is concerned.

Ruka gets upset, but not out of jealousy. He hits Natsume rather pathetically, adamantly demanding that he be honest and tell him everything instead of keeping secrets all the time. Ruka doesn’t care that Natsume has been “selfish” and has kissed Mikan and gotten engaged with her and met with her. He is a fan! He’s Team NatsuMikan now too! He just wants Natsume to stop lying to him, not even to spare his feelings. If Natsume can’t be honest, then Ruka can’t do his job of supporting him. Friendship is a two-way street and can’t work if the friends can’t rely on each other for help and support. Going through good and tough times together is the key to any lasting relationship, and for that to work Natsume needs to talk to him instead of holding back.

Ruka is so cute here. Absolutely adorable. I shall adopt.

Natsume apologizes and the chapter ends on a light note, with the four of them teasing each other and laughing.

But tomorrow will be a different story. Many horrible things will happen tomorrow night, and the bright future Natsume has finally allowed himself to consider will burn up and die.

Conclusion

In the Rapunzel story, the prince was blinded and forced to walk around the forest unable to look for his lost love. I imagine that's why the chapter title image for Chapter 147 has his face covered in bandages. The story of Rapunzel is a tragic one, but it ends in a happily-ever-after. The consolation we have is that the story of NatsuMikan is more like the story of Rapunzel than of Romeo and Juliet, though it certainly doesn't feel like it for the next thirty-something chapters.

I didn't reread this at all before posting because I'm really tired. Thus, I claim no ownership over any mistakes. They can't be helped.

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[elyvorg]

So… I was talking about aspec V3 headcanons? Well then, let me lay down the facts.

Maki Harukawa is on the aromantic spectrum. Yes, even though she explicitly develops a crush on Kaito, and no, I’m not trying to dispute that part.

This is basically canon. Let me tell you why.

Maki is aro

For this, we need to consider the conversation Maki has with Shuichi in the first training session in chapter 4, while Kaito has temporarily disappeared to the bathroom. On one level, this conversation exists to be the only actual meaningful indication* that Maki has romantic feelings for Kaito until she goes and confesses them. Someone like Maki wouldn’t care about asking Shuichi if he “liked” Kaede (in that annoying loaded meaning of the word “like” that specifically refers to romantic attraction) unless she was trying to come to terms with the idea that she also “likes” someone else in the same way, and the only plausible candidate for that is Kaito.

But even more striking about this conversation, far more so than the general implication that Maki would only bother asking this if she happened to be crushing on a certain spiky-haired space dork, is the way Maki approaches and thinks about this whole topic in general. Take a look:

Maki:  “Well… I assumed you didn’t, because that would be weird. […] Liking someone you just met… especially in a situation like this…”

Shuichi:  “… Then tell me… under what circumstances is liking someone *not* weird?”

Maki:  “…Huh? I… don’t know. I don’t… really understand what that is.”

I, as an aromantic person myself, fully agree with Maki that it just seems weird to start romantically liking someone you’ve only just met, especially in a life-or-death situation where surely there’s way more important things to be focusing on. But apparently, most people do not find this thought weird at all – love at first sight is supposedly a real thing that can happen, and something something dangerous situations can bring out more hormones and passion???? sounds fake but okay – and so opinions like mine and Maki’s here are very much outliers.

And not only that, not only does the thought of crushing on near-strangers bewilder Maki to the point of disbelief, but she also can’t even come up with an answer to when crushing on someone would ever not be strange and bizarre. Like the whole concept is just alien to her. She can barely even wrap her head around how “liking” someone in that way even works. The very reason she’s even asking Shuichi about this is because she doesn’t understand why she’s feeling this way about Kaito.

This is how an aromantic person would view this kind of thing. It doesn’t sound even slightly like something an alloromantic person would say in this situation. That’s not up for interpretation – that’s just the truth about these views that Maki is expressing. Again: I’m aromantic. I would know.

Even from a character who then does turn out to nonetheless have a crush on someone, these statements are pretty much as canonically confirmed arospec as you can get short of them straight up using the word "aromantic" or a variant.** And, well, obviously Maki isn't about to go calling herself that. From the way she’s questioning this, she clearly doesn’t realise that her perspective is the outlier, so she’s probably never even heard of the term. Besides, she most definitely has way bigger hurdles to be getting over first in terms of her self-acceptance before she's ever going to particularly care about figuring out labels for her orientation of all things.

Aros with trauma are still aros

Now, granted, I severely doubt that Maki being arospec is what the writers intended to convey. Haha, deliberate aro representation in mainstream Japanese media, especially something more complex than vanilla aro, that's a funny joke. What the writers probably meant by writing this conversation I just discussed is to suggest that Maki is viewing things this way a result of her trauma.

But hey, guess what? Even if it is because of her trauma - and I'm not denying that it probably is - that doesn't make Maki any less aro. Some people are arospec because of trauma, and that's equally as valid a reason to be arospec as without. Maybe Maki would have grown up alloromantic if she hadn't been scouted as an assassin, but that's irrelevant, because that's not the Maki who exists now.

In writing this conversation, the writers were presumably attempting to communicate that Maki is so messed up by having been manipulated and abused and moulded into a soulless killing machine that she can no longer comprehend the idea of how or why anybody (especially not herself) would fall in love with someone when they'd only just met, or even really in any circumstances at all. …And in doing that, the writers unintentionally wrote a character who, as a result of her trauma, is aro(-spec). This is an objective fact about the canon story that does not change just because the writers probably weren’t aware enough about aromanticism to actually realise this.

Aros who feel romantic attraction are still aros

So, of course, Maki does in fact come to romantically love Kaito despite this. That fact becomes very important to her, and me lengthily explaining here that she’s actually arospec is not remotely trying to diminish that. But it’s also very important to me that people realise that Maki’s romantic love for Kaito comes from an aromantic perspective. She eventually chooses to embrace those feelings not remotely because it just feels to her like the natural way things should go, but despite every single conscious part of her insisting that this is weird and illogical and doesn’t make any goddamn sense to even be happening at all. She is not going to suddenly fall into all the boring romantic cliches and stereotypical alloromantic approaches to love just because she does in fact happen to be experiencing romantic attraction. There’s nothing alloromantic about Maki’s crush on Kaito.***

As for the specific flavour of arospec that allowed Maki to fall in love with Kaito anyway? This part is somewhat more up for interpretation because there’s no real explicit indication of this in particular, but I personally like to go with the idea that Maki is demiromantic. It feels appropriate for Maki’s character and trauma to imagine that she can only begin to potentially feel romantic things towards a person when she has an emotional connection with them – when she trusts them and knows that they trust her. It doesn’t necessarily have to take very long – she’d only been friends with Kaito for a handful of days before that telling conversation with Shuichi – and she may not even have to have consciously admitted to herself that she trusts them, but she needs to have that bond. She’s normally so guarded and has such strong automatic barriers up during her interpersonal interactions that seeing most people in a romantic light literally isn’t even an option in her brain.

Maki’s confession of her feelings for Kaito does read as rather strongly demiromantic, I think. She makes a point that this is about who Kaito is and what he’s done for her, before even getting to the part where she admits to having fallen for him. And she says she “fell for” him, not that she was always in love with him or anything to that effect. This happened somewhere along the way during their friendship, because of their friendship, and because of Kaito being his incredible trusting supportive self towards her when she needed it most.

Maki Harukawa is demiromantic, and she’s wonderful.

  ---

[some grumpy Amatonormativity and Aro Erasure 101 footnotes, can you tell I am bitter about this kind of thing]

(* When I say “actual meaningful indication” of romantic feelings, I mean something that isn't just the narrative infuriatingly pointing at things that are actually perfectly platonic in nature and going “ooh look how romantic~!”. Newsflash: worrying about somebody and wanting to rescue them when they're sick and injured and have been kidnapped by someone you think is an evil sadistic mastermind is not somehow proof of romantic feelings. That is a thing that friends do. And on the same note, teaching somebody how to build a crossbow is not some kind of deep metaphor for romance; it is literally just a lesson in how to build a goddamn crossbow. Maki would have done both of these things in exactly the same way if her crush on Kaito didn’t exist.)

(** It's exactly like how characters can be considered canonically confirmed same-gender-attracted when all they've done is show attraction to the same gender****, without them actually needing to explicitly refer to themselves with the word “gay”, or “lesbian”, or “bi” or whatever else. Anyone who tried to insist that was necessary in order for it to “count” would instantly be written off as homophobic. So if that’s the case, then a character explicitly saying something such as “I don’t understand what it means to like someone that way” equally constitutes them being confirmed aro, and trying to argue that it doesn’t “count” without outright hearing the word itself is, guess what…?)

(*** This also inherently means that there’s nothing straight about Maki’s crush on Kaito either, since societally-expected “straight” attraction is allo as well as hetero. I gather that some people in this fandom like to devalue and erase Maki’s crush (and potentially also Maki herself) because they feel that it’s an Obligatory Forced Straight Romance and don’t like that, or something along those lines. Well, good news! It’s literally not that, actually, because Maki isn’t straight.)

(**** …This only applies so long as it actually is very clearly romantic or sexual attraction and not just people deciding platonic affection is totally romantic thanks to the disease that is amatonormativity. Because, you know. That happens. Literally all the time. (Even from V3’s narrative itself; see footnote 1.))

[glorytoukraine2022]

For salty ask list-elena of avalor-4,22,23

4. I have three, actually, and yes, one of them is a popular OTP. My three NoTP’s in this fandom are Carla x Alonso, Carzel and Eleteo. Given that I’m a Carteo shipper, this isn’t unsurprising. Even before I started shipping Carteo though, I never shipped Eleteo. I love Mateo and Elena’s relationship, but I’ve never seen it as something that could go beyond friendship.

Carzel though? With Eleteo I can at least understand where people are coming from. We’ve seen Mateo and Elena interact several times throughout the series. Enough times, that if they fell in love it wouldn’t be completely out of the blue.

A lot of times when people tend to ship a couple, their fondness of the ship and the dynamic of the couple is based on their on Screen interactions, even if romance was never intended. We’ve never seen Carla and Marzel interact even once. And all of a sudden people are expecting them to fall in love and have a future together? I cannot even understand where people are getting a dynamic from. I just don’t see the chemistry. At all.

While this pairing doesn’t seem to be shipped as often as the two I mentioned above, I’m also not a big fan of the Carla x Alonso pairing either. Alonso is somebody who would spend more time staring at his reflection than paying attention to his girlfriend. Carla doesn’t strike me as the type of person who would be attracted to somebody like that. Especially reformed Carla. I don’t think many people in the fandom understand just how deeply Carla has changed (expect a post on this in the future).

Post reformation Carla is a very kind, sweet, selfless and caring person. She would not want to be in a relationship with somebody that self absorbed. I would also like to issue out a friendly reminder that Carla saw the falling out of her own parents’ relationship firsthand. A big part of the reason for that falling out is because of Ash’s egotistical, self absorbed nature. So I would like to think that Carla would be weary of somebody who exhibits those traits.

Now, I’m not comparing Alonso to Ash by any means. He’s definitely a better person than she is by the end of the series. He’s learned to care for his people and others beyond himself. He has learned to be humble and take responsibility for his own actions. Yet as I mentioned above, he is still somewhat self absorbed, so I still do not think Carla would be attracted to him.

I think I understand why people ship this couple. I think it’s because people Carla as a girl that’s super focused on her looks and appearance. I understand why people get that impression from Carla, but I personally never did. Yes, she wears jewelry, but she never struck me as the type of girl who overly invested herself into her appearance.

She doesn’t wear makeup, and if she does, and I just never noticed it, she clearly doesnt wear much. Her yellow dress isn’t particularly fancy or gaudy either. So she never struck me as the type. It doesn’t seem to match her personality either.

22. I…..honestly can’t think of any! Any characters I hate, you’re supposed to hate because they are villain. Sure, there might be some characters who I’m not as enthusiastic about as other members of the fandom, but I would never say I hate them. I still enjoy them and what they contribute to the show, just like everyone else. For me, any flaws the characters in the show have only add to both the characters and their arcs, and I wouldn’t want them any other way.

23. Victor Delgado-he’s one of my favorite characters in the series. He’s such a fun, entertaining character, with a great sense of humor. He’s also the best father to Carla and I love their bond like nothing else. He’s the best father in the entire show in my opinion. He’s always there for Carla and knows exactly what she needs and when. I love him❤️

However, I feel like he always gets a lot of hate from this fandom, especially in comparison to Esteban. He is always seen as the ultimate bad guy, because he worked for Shuriki in season 2 and was a villain for the majority of the series. It also stems from his untrustworthy depiction ever since his debut in “King of the Carnival.” Whenever I read pre Shuriki fan fiction, Victor is ALWAYS depicted as the untrustworthy one, the power hungry one, and the most eager participant in their deal with Shuriki, if not the one to contact her. I also hear people insist that he was a bad father to Carla growing up because they lived a life of crime.

I’ll admit, hearing all of this frustrates and even angers me at times. Hearing and seeing all of this makes it clear to me that there is a huge bias against Victor in this fandom. It is unfair to assume that Victor is the one who first came into contact with Shuriki and put more “heart“ into the deal. Esteban too agreed and wanted the power that Shuriki offered. Victor and his family suffered just as much as Esteban’s when Shuriki took over. Him and his family were banished from Avalor.

Also, let’s not forget that Esteban was the one who joined up with Ash, whereas Victor refused to go with her. Even after what happened with Shuriki, it took Esteban over 41 years to stop trusting people who promised him power. Trusting those who “pretend to listen” as Cahu correctly said. First he trusted Shuriki, then Ash, and then the Shadows of the Night. It took all of this to happen just to make Esteban realize the mistake that he kept making over and over. Victor wanted power because he was bitter. He was genuinely treated with disrespect. Once he realized that this life of crime was endangering Carla, he didn’t hesitate to back out of it. I swear, I love Esteban and am not trying to hate on him. But he’s not exactly a Saint either, despite the fandom constantly trying to depict him as the better person.

Though the one thing that makes me the most angry, is when I see people say that Victor isn’t a good father to Carla. Hello? Where have you guys been Throughout the entire series? He’s always loved and cared for Carla. She means EVERYTHING to him. If you didn’t understand it in the beginning of the series, than it should have been hammered home to you by the second half of season 2 and the beginning of season 3. Victor stood up to Ash to protect Carla! Yet you’re all saying he isn’t a good father to her?!

We don’t know enough about Victor and Carla’s past beyond the fact that they were mistreated. Victor was never evil, yet the fandom always tries to frame him as being the more “evil” of the two because they assume, that because he’s Carla’s father, that he must have been using and influencing her this entire time! In “The Lightning Warrior“, it is shown that Victor and Carla weren’t always criminals and for a moment, Carla’s childhood was quite peaceful. But at some point, Victor and Carla clearly fell on hard times. Did any of you consider that Victor was a single parent, who had to provide for himself and his daughter after his wife left them? Did you think that was easy and wouldn’t be stressful or challenging in any ways? He had to provide for himself and Carla. How do you know that necessity had nothing to do with Victor and Carla’s life of crime?

[thedreadvampy]

You seem surprised at the reactions your getting, but it's to be expected. Aphobia is usually quiet, insidious and slow to reveal itself, so the moment someone is asked about aspecs and the answer isn't a concise "Yes I accept and support them" type thing, it's a red flag. Why would anyone who wasn't aphobic not feel comfortable saying they support aspecs? it's not uncommon for a blog we admire to turn out to be aphobic and we're pretty antsy about this stuff because it's usually brushed off.

Ok I mean I'm getting to that eventually in the Question List but like. With the best possible will in the world I think some of you have misread the post where someone asked "do you support aspecs," because to my recollection what I said was that I am fundamentally uncomfortable with the idea that I'm in any position to judge whether I support or harm anyone, and I think that the point at which someone says as a point of identity 'I Am An Ally To X Group' or 'I Support X Group' that. makes them substantially less likely to recognise or accept the ways in which they fail.

Also like. I absolutely understand the antsiness. I do. People can be really shitty to and about aspec people. But what I've said before and will say again is that you have to understand that while it's totally understandable that that would put you on edge, it's not inherent proof of ill-intent.

Ok. Here's the thing. I'm thinking of my own experience here. There is a subset of men who really give me The Fear. It's often hard to define why they give me The Fear, but I can identify some signs - they're probably really into video games, they have a specific way of getting into my personal space and a specific way of talking and type of intonation. they talk a lot about how much they like that they can trust me and talk to me like one of the guys. and the vast majority of the time, when I've ignored The Fear I have got hurt. it's entirely reasonable for me to be suspicious of those people based on my experiences, to pull back from them, and to listen out for reports that they have a history of abuse. If somebody says, "you're not like other girls I really feel like I can talk to you" I'm probably going to get up and walk away, or try and get it of the conversation, or try and get out ahead of the way I expect the conversation to go so that he can't lead the conversation.

But it wouldn't be reasonable if, the moment I heard someone say "you're not like the other girls, I really feel like I can talk to you," I grabbed him by the collar and yelled YOU MISOGYNIST DICKHEAD I NEED YOU TO PROVE RIGHT HERE AND NOW THAT YOU'VE NEVER ASSAULTED ANYONE. PROVE IT NOW. HE CAN'T PROVE IT GUYS HE DID IT. THIS MAN ASSAULTS WOMEN. HE SAID THE BAD WORDS.

People have different experiences and different associations with phrases. I very rarely answer a question about my beliefs with a simple yes or no because I don't trust certainty, particularly within myself, I find myself really anxious that we mean different things and that if I'm not specific enough then I'll be lying. So I very rarely say yes or no without explaining what I mean by yes or no.

And also. Just for the record, since apparently there's no means of avoiding pissing people off today. Aphobia can be a serious, genuine problem and also an area where not everyone agrees. I'm not talking about my own opinions here, I'm talking about how many different opinions have come up from ace/aro people just in this conversation. And I think it's really weird how often queer discourse conflates disagreement with minimisation. Like ok we can all, within the bi community, pretty much agreed that biphobia is, to a greater or lesser degree, a problem, and that bisexuality is stigmatised and comes with particular challenges. But that doesn't mean that when two bi people disagree on whether X trope is biphobic, one of them is The Biphobe and one is The Oppressed. like. oppression and social dynamics aren't clean, they're fuzzy-edged, overlapping and interweaving, highly subjective and highly personal but also totally depersonalised, and everybody is going to draw those lines differently. And it's wild to act like treating it as anything but a simple yes/no question is inherently bigoted because nothing is a simple yes/no question. That's not really how any social question works. We're all bringing our own stuff to the table, we're all trying to communicate concepts that we don't have the verbal or emotional language for, and when somebody says "are you against aphobia" like, that contains a lot of questions, primarily "what does that mean?"

like am I against dehumanisation of and aggression towards of ace/aro people? am I against systemic assumptions and incentives and expectations that everyone wants/needs sex/romance/a life partner? do I think it's fucked up the degree to which sex and romance are centred in culture to the degree that people are told and made to feel explicitly broken if they don't feel a draw to it? yeah, obviously, no shit. but I don't feel comfortable saying unilaterally 'are you for or against X,' when X has no clearly boundaried definition and isn't something most people would in good faith say FUCK YEAH I LOVE X. like if you ask any person 'are you against homophobia,' most of them would probably say 'yes,' and some of them would mean 'I think it's unfair and cruel to treat queer and same-gender attracted people differently because of their sexuality, and I will go to the wall to defend them and to fight heteronormativity' and some of them mean 'I don't hate the sinner I hate the sin and they can be gay as long as they do it far away from me and also never have sex or relationships' and like. What does the answer yes actually tell you in that instance? Like if I wanted to know if someone held bigoted beliefs, I wouldn't go up to them and say 'do you hate X' bc like. They're gonna say no. They may very well believe that they don't. If you actually wanted to guage their responses, it would make more sense to ask "what do you think of X issue" or "do you think Y idea is homophobic" bc like. bigotry is a pattern not a clear line in the sand. God this is just pure waffle now, sorry.

[beca-mitchell]

wish i could pretend i didn’t need you (3/?)

Summary: Two weeks later. Beca has to work with an old acquaintance while her relationship with Chloe has flourished all the while

Word Count: 4,081

A/N: Chapter title from Gavin Haley and Ella Vos’ “The Way I Am”. Unbeta’d, sorry (except for Chloe yelling at me this morning when she woke up and read the chapter)! Smut warning for this chapter!

* * * * *

Excerpt:

She hates this game, however. Whenever her father’s associates pretend to not know who she is, or at least, feign politeness upon greeting her as if it is the first time they are meeting. The fact of the matter is, their business circles already aren’t necessarily the largest. It isn’t like she doesn’t know who wants to talk to her.

“Good morning,” she greets politely, though she does not put her spoon down. Instead, she idly stirs her oatmeal, finding it infinitely more interesting than the man next to her. “On your way out?” she asks quickly. Pointedly.

“Yes, but it’s always a pleasure to see you. We really should talk about grabbing a bite.”

She had spared him a brief glance and once-over a few seconds ago, but she does not linger. In her mind, she categorizes everything she knows about him at first glance. Son of a wealthy contract with a lot of influence in L.A. and the surrounding area. Young—probably around her age. Mid-twenties. She supposes he isn’t bad to look at. He just has the same hungry look in his eye, as do most young men whenever they’ve seemingly been promised an opportunity to talk to her.

She sighs, knowing that she’s going to have to annoy her father once more.

Read below (AO3 link under the cut)

AO3 - chapter 3: wish i could take your hand

“Are you sure you don’t want something else?”

Beca peers up at the staff waiting on her. It makes her feel simultaneously small and grandiose all at once. It was never something she got used to, even if she grew up in this very house, surrounded by many of the same people. She’s sure her family would like her to consider them her friends, but she often feels more like a stranger than anything else.

“Miss Mitchell?”

“I’m—uh, no. It’s okay. I’m good with this.” She gestures at the measly oatmeal she has placed in front of her.

She catches the brief panic that flashes across his face, looking very much like he wants to insist on feeding her something more substantial.

“Um, but where is my dad? I was told he wanted to have breakfast together,” she grumbles. “After dragging me out of bed too.” She glances at him to see if she has managed to elicit a smile. Half a smile. A quarter.

Nothing. “Mr. Mitchell is in a meeting right now, but he will be with you shortly.”

Beca resists the impulse to roll her eyes and turns back to her food, uncaring that she has her jacket draped sloppily over the dining chair armrest or that her shirt is mildly rumpled, having just been picked from her dresser carelessly. Another thing she hates—being treated like another one of her father’s business associates. It’s often hard to believe they’re from the same bloodline at all. It’s hard to believe that he considers her his daughter at all.

“Did you need something?”

Beca pinches the bridge of her nose, annoyed. “No. Thanks.”

“I’ll...be in the kitchen if you need anything.”

Beca watches him go with a sigh. Her brooding is interrupted by a short buzz from her phone, resting on the table.

Chloe Beale Dinner tonight? Missed you last night <3

That puts her in better spirits. She immediately picks up her phone, spoon hanging loosely from her mouth, dumb smile on her face.

Beca Mitchell Yesss please. Missed you too. Sick of me yet??

Chloe Beale Never

It is absolutely incredible how a simple text exchange manages to lift her spirits. She clicks her phone off, putting it on the table and returning to her breakfast.

“Beca Mitchell?”

She glances up. Beca flashes a tight smile at the young man now interrupting her breakfast. She chooses to spend as little time in her father’s house as possible, but he had arranged for a car to pick her up from her apartment that morning, which had been rather fortunate, considering that she had actually spent the night at her apartment for the first time in a few weeks.

She hates this game, however. Whenever her father’s associates pretend to not know who she is, or at least, feign politeness upon greeting her as if it is the first time they are meeting. The fact of the matter is, their business circles already aren’t necessarily the largest. It isn’t like she doesn’t know who wants to talk to her.

“Good morning,” she greets politely, though she does not put her spoon down. Instead, she idly stirs her oatmeal, finding it infinitely more interesting than the man next to her. “On your way out?” she asks quickly. Pointedly.

“Yes, but it’s always a pleasure to see you. We really should talk about grabbing a bite.”

She had spared him a brief glance and once-over a few seconds ago, but she does not linger. In her mind, she categorizes everything she knows about him at first glance. Son of a wealthy contract with a lot of influence in L.A. and the surrounding area. Young—probably around her age. Mid-twenties. She supposes he isn’t bad to look at. He just has the same hungry look in his eye, as do most young men whenever they’ve seemingly been promised an opportunity to talk to her.

She sighs, knowing that she’s going to have to annoy her father once more.

She hates this part the most. She hates being regarded as a piece of meat of some kind. People who didn’t know her, walking up to her and starting conversations. People like her who barely understood what it meant to live a life of struggle. A life outside of privilege. And on top of that, she already knows what he wants. He wants two things: first, probably to get into her pants, which. Gross. Second, he wants to talk up his company—his father’s company—until she wants to slice her own ears off. She knows the formula. She knows the formula too well at this point. In the same way that her father is set in his ways, she figures that some things never change.

“I’ll have my people call your people,” Beca replies, quickly putting a spoon of oatmeal into her mouth so she can resist the peal of laughter that threatens to burst from her at the sight of his despondent expression. “Nice seeing you, Darren.”

“It’s Derek.”

She smirks, tapping her spoon against the table. “Oops.” He leaves in a huff. Beca, pleased by this reaction, contentedly rises from her seat and twists, bowl in hand only to see—“Jesse?”

Jesse Swanson, in all his smug glory and leaning against the arch opening into the living room, is quite possibly the last person Beca wants to see at the moment, but she draws comfort from the fact that he is, at least somebody she can moderately trust. Which is a lot more than she can say for ninety-nine percent of the people her father brings into his home.

“Happy to see me, Beca?”

“Not particularly, no. You only roll into town whenever there’s a huge shipment coming in.”

“Look at us,” Jesse drawls, moving closer. “Back together again. And you haven’t changed. What’s it been? Two years? Three?”

“Three since I rejected you at university, I believe,” Beca says, tapping her chin slowly. “Time passes when you’re having fun.”

“He was into you,” Jesse comments. “Totally into you. It was like watching a trainwreck, watching him flirt with you.”

Beca scoffs. “Was that what that was? Was I supposed to be impressed with that?” She sighs, finally close enough to slug Jesse in the shoulder. “How have you been? How’s the girlfriend?”

“Beca,” he pouts. “You know my heart only beats for you.”

Beca grimaces, shoving him out of the way as she goes. That, she hates. She hates that Jesse, for whatever reason, still holds some kind of torch for her. It had started as an early attempt at an arranged...something...between their families. Jesse’s family, one of the biggest shareholders at Los Angeles Port had been highly interested (read: invested) in a potential romance between their only son and the only daughter and heir to the Mitchell fortune.

It was a match made in hypothetical heaven.

It was just that...Beca couldn’t bring herself to muster feelings for Jesse. He was too much, too forceful about their relationship, and too into her at the time. It was all more than she could handle when she had already been coerced into getting a degree.

On top of that, it left a bad taste in her mouth knowing that it would have been yet another thing tying her to this shitshow of a lifestyle.

And, though she would never really admit it to her family, it was the fact that Jesse was...Jesse. They had grown up together. They had trained in martial arts together. They had overseen incredibly illegal trades together.

She just couldn’t take him seriously as a romantic prospect, despite never having had experience dating many people to begin with.

So...yes. It bothers her that her father is still trying to force this upon her, even years later. She knows it’s his way of attempting to seal their relationship in the same way he always does—like a puppetmaster behind the scenes.

The thought enrages her enough that she shoves through her father’s study doors. “No,” she announces boldly, ignoring Jesse’s stammering behind her.

“Beca, good morning to you too. I’ll overlook your disregard for rules and inability to knock when requested.”

“Dude,” Jesse hisses to her. “Mr. Mitchell,” he announces. “You wanted to see me? Um.” He shifts closer to Beca, whether for protection or something else, she doesn’t want to find out and steps away. “Us,” he corrects.

“Yes, thank you, Jesse. And please, what’s with this Mr. Mitchell nonsense.” To Beca’s immense surprise, her father stands and moves from behind his incredibly unnecessary and large antique desk. He moves to pat Jesse jovially on the shoulder. “You’re practically family.”

Beca clenches her jaw, watching the exchange. She doesn’t realize she’s holding her breath until her father stops in front of her. He cups her cheek, smiling at her with something akin to tenderness. Or perhaps an impression of it, as if he had seen it once in a movie. “Always nice to see you, my dear,” he says. “You never really stop by much anymore unless it’s to get irritated about something entirely out of our control.”

I want to be out of your control.

The thought passes by so fleetingly that she almost doesn’t catch it, but she does. She catches it and holds on to it, letting herself drift along with it for a few short moments as her father returns to his perch behind the ornate desk.

Beca hates that desk.

“I need you two to supervise a shipment coming in tonight. Jesse, your parents will have the exact drop-off point at the port.”

Beca hates stake-outs more than that desk. She holds her tongue, merely nodding as her father gives directions. “It might take all night.”

At that, her head lifts. “All night?” she questions.

“Yes.” He places his hands on the table. “Is that a problem, Beca?”

She senses that Jesse shifts next to her. The air seems to grow still around them as her father awaits her response.

“No,” she murmurs, finally, thinking only of Chloe and the text she’ll have to send. “Not a problem.”

“Good. I know you won’t disappoint me.”

She hates that he looks directly at her.

 * * * * *

  “Rebecca! Get in here!”

Beca startles, nearly dropping her walkman on the ground as her father’s booming voice echoes from his study, down the ominous hallway she hates walking through.

He had full-named her. She can’t imagine what horror awaits her. Desperately, she tries to wrack her brain for something she might have done or not done.

She rushes, wincing as she bumps into a chair along the way. The pain burns through her and she pauses, momentarily stricken by how hard the chair had resisted against her movement.

“BECA!”

“Coming!” she calls back, wincing at the tremor in her own voice.

She knocks quietly on the study door, noting that it stands slightly open.

“Enter.”

Beca enters, still clutching her walkman as something comforting to hold on to at this point. “You wanted to see me?” she asks.

“You want to explain this?” He points at a paper on his desk, not even bothering to look up at her. For that, she’s grateful, unable to explain why she fears her father so much...especially whenever he looks her in the eyes.

She approaches the desk, unable to see what it is exactly. When she is close enough, she sees her school emblem atop the paper and her eyes widen, knowing it must be her report card for the semester.

“What is it?” she asks. “What do you want me to—”

“Don’t be smart with me now, Beca. Look at this. A B? Another B? A B-?”

“It—it…” She wants to explain that it had been hard, switching schools again in the middle of the semester. It had been hard to make friends, but she was trying. She was trying to fit in and she genuinely did like school. She liked the people she had managed to become friends with. She liked her teachers. She loved music class.

“Are you stupid?”

Beca’s face grows hot. She feels like she might cry. “No,” she murmurs.

“No, you are not. Because you are a Mitchell. And we don’t fail.”

“I—”

His eyes zero in on her walkman, still pressed against her chest. “Give me that.”

She whimpers. “Please, daddy—”

He stands, chair pushing back roughly. She wills herself to stand still at the sound. His previous instructions echo around her mind erratically. Stand still. Back straight. Shoulders back.

Stand like you mean it.

He snatches the walkman from her. “This is a horrible distraction. You need real education.”

She barely has time to protest, words dying on her throat, when her father drops the walkman on the floor and crushes it under the heel of his foot.

“Do you see this?” he demands over her sudden, erratic sobs. “This is what happens to failure in this house. We don’t accept it. This is what we do to people who put our futures in jeopardy.”

“I’m—I’m sorry,” Beca cries, hands coming up to her face. She feels such shame for crying in front of her father, knowing that he must think so lowly of her.

“Apologies won’t bring that back,” he says, pointing at her walkman. “Apologies won’t fix your grades.”

“What—” her mother bursts into the room, taking in the scene before her: Beca, shoulders hunched as she cries, smashed walkman on the ground, CD and all. “What’s going on in here?”

“Some lessons need to be taught. Did you see the grades from that school you wanted to put her in?”

“She’s seven!” her mother cries, pulling Beca tight against her. Beca continues to cry, pressing her face against her mother’s shoulder. Her mother’s hand presses tight against the back of her head, a comforting grip. “She’s seven, she’s trying!”

“Public school was a mistake. This was your idea, Sofia. Don’t think I've forgotten.”

“And you agreed. She needs the socialization, Enzo. She needs to meet people her age and grow.”

“She can get that just fine here. With private tutors. She needs to be homeschooled so she can—”

“No. I don’t want to talk about this right now. Look at her. You made our baby cry.”

Beca doesn’t hear her father’s response, too distracted by the warmth of her mother’s hold and the beating of her heart beneath her ear.

 * * * * *

 Beca checks her phone for the millionth time. She sees nothing out of the ordinary in Chloe’s goodnight text. They had agreed to postpone their dinner date to brunch the next day, but God, the disappointment Beca feels is unparalleled. She had been looking forward to curling up in Chloe’s arms, drifting off to sleep in Chloe’s bed. She had been looking forward to Chloe’s attempt at cooking dinner. She had been looking forward to it all.

“You seem agitated tonight.” Jesse watches her carefully. “Hot date that you’re missing out on tonight?”

“Why would you automatically assume that the only reason I wouldn’t want to spend time with you is that I have other plans?”

“Oh you wound me as always, Beca.”

“Just. Focus, okay? Let’s just get this done.” She wraps her jacket around herself tighter, wondering why, of all nights, Los Angeles decided to be abnormally chilly. The chill seems to seep into her bones.

“You’re not that into this, huh?”

“What are you talking about?”

“This whole...thing. Being here.”

“Jesse, it’s not about you.”

“I’m not talking about me. I’m talking about this life. This charmed life we live. Waiting for a shipment of questionable materials and making sure nobody steals from us because God forbid that we become less rich. That whole life. But it’s just...this is pretty much it for us, you know? Mess up once and that’s the end of the line.”

Beca is silent, contemplating the breadth of Jesse’s words. She’s sure he isn’t necessarily baiting her into saying anything, but she is still wary of responding too affirmatively, lest he take that information and use it to his own advantage.

But it’s Jesse—he has been fairly mellow over the period of time that they have known each other. He has been somewhat kind, somewhat understanding. He seemed fairly hands-off in terms of his own parents’ business, similar to Beca’s own disdain for this lifestyle.

“So...that’s why…” Jesse sighs. “Who is it? Do I know him?”

Beca blinks, refocusing on the horizon. The water looks especially daunting at this time of day. Rippling calm. Moon glinting off the surface. Blackness. Darkness.

This is pretty much it for us, you know?

“It’s nobody,” she finally responds. “It’s nothing.”

 * * * * *

 She ends up leaving the stake-out early, under Jesse’s reassurance that he would handle it.

Beca doesn’t mean to arrive at Chloe’s apartment, but her feet moved her automatically. She checks the time, noting that it isn’t too ridiculously late for a Friday night. A small smile graces her lips at the memory of how she had met Chloe on a random Friday night. Now, three and a half weeks later, and she’s dating this woman, murky future in sight, but a future nonetheless.

She reaches up to knock, but hesitates.

It’s too soon for you to be showing up this late. Too soon—she doesn’t want to see you.

Her own thoughts knock the wind out of her; she knows that this level of self-doubt is unwarranted considering that she and Chloe have been moving fairly steadily along over the past month. A month and Beca’s feelings have only developed further, growing along the way.

She bites her lip, hesitating. She has no reason to believe that Chloe doesn’t feel the same way. Chloe, who is incredibly open and genuine. She wears her emotions for all to see.

Now, her father’s voice, chiming in: the lack of self-preservation. Remember that emotion is a weapon and a curse. Depends on how you use it.

But, Beca thinks. Is it so bad to be wanted?

Beca Mitchell Hey Are you awake?

The briefest moment of radio silence, but it’s enough to send Beca’s fingers back to the keyboard as she makes her way back down the apartment hallway. She is about to type out nevermind when Chloe texts her back.

Chloe Beale yeah, what’s up?

Beca Mitchell would you mind opening your door?

Chloe Beale :O :O :O beca mitchell! yes! coming!

Beca barely has time to suck in a relieved breath when Chloe’s apartment door flies open and Chloe herself is leaping onto Beca’s back with a delighted squeal.

“You made it!”

“You’re not mad I came so late?” Beca asks, lifting her hand and curling it around Chloe’s forearm. Chloe’s hug tightens momentarily before she loosens up enough to let Beca spin in her arms. Lazily, she drapes her arms over Beca’s shoulders, kissing her right in the middle of the hallway, without a care in the world.

“I’m just glad you came, Bec.”

The nickname, still as jarring as it was when Chloe first used it, somehow warms Beca’s heart. She finds comfort in it; she finds comfort in how out of left-field it feels. And beyond that, beyond the nickname, she finds comfort in Chloe’s sincerity.

“I’m late,” Beca repeats, wonder creeping into her tone.

“I don’t care.”

“Really?” Beca asks, unsure why she is fixating on this one little instance. This one moment between them in their new, budding relationship. Everything between them is passion and desire, but also an undercurrent of something incredibly deep. She pulls on Chloe’s hips, having only just a moment of clarity which she finds in Chloe’s blue eyes before Chloe’s lips collide into her own. Like the softest of blows, Chloe’s kiss knocks the wind out of her.

But, as Chloe has proven over and over in just a short period of time, Chloe catches her. She holds Beca close, deepening the kiss only slightly with the intent of inflicting passion and nothing more. Gently, her lips move against Beca’s—a greeting to surpass all greetings—as a hello.

Hello, you’re here. I’m happy to see you.

That and nothing more.

“Stay the night?” Chloe asks, breathless as she tilts her forehead to press against Beca’s.

“I would love to. But, um. I should definitely shower first.”

 * * * * *

 Beca had been tired, but she can’t think of anything else now with water dripping down her forehead and nose. The steam is almost overpowering, but her gasps have nothing to do with steam. She gasps, loudly and wantonly, because Chloe’s tongue is doing sinful things between her legs. She wants to grab something other than Chloe’s hair, but she knows that she can’t for fear of breaking something in Chloe’s shower.

Chloe’s tongue flicks out expertly against her clit, bullying it gently and stimulating it, pushing Beca’s sensitivity to its limits. Again and again, she flicks, occasionally sucking at whatever her mouth can reach. Chloe’s movements are almost lazy, with how sluggishly her hands scrape up and down Beca’s thighs, sending fresh waves of tingles across Beca’s skin.

With each pass of Chloe’s lips and tongue through and around her cunt, Beca trembles, shaking off every last moment from the day she just had. “Fuck...Chloe…” She tapers off into a broken-off moan when Chloe sucks on clit rather harshly. Her mouth falls open and her head tilts back, smacking against the hard tile behind her. The sensation is lost soon enough however, when Chloe draws away, sliding up Beca’s body. Chloe is panting herself when she comes face to face with Beca. Their lips collide, messy and sloppy in technique, but rife with desire and lust. Beca clutches onto Chloe’s shoulders with her remaining strength, attempting to keep up with how desperately Chloe’s tongue moves inside her mouth.

Shower all but forgotten, Chloe’s fingers navigate between her thighs. “I want to feel you like this,” Chloe murmurs. She nips a line down Beca’s jaw. “Feel you around my fingers.” She sucks at the spot she knows drives Beca crazy, unrelenting as two fingers slip inside her dripping pussy.

Beca moans, giving Chloe the sounds she enjoys most. She tenses, tight around Chloe’s fingers, attempting to draw in her girlfriend’s fingers further. They fit so well together, Chloe’s fingers pressed tightly inside her, Beca’s hands holding tightly to Chloe’s shoulders.

“Harder,” Beca breathes, clutching Chloe’s head to her chest. “Fuck, Chloe. Harder.”

Chloe whimpers at her words, lifting her head to press a kiss to Beca’s mouth as best as she can. “I’m—I just want—” She moans, moving her fingers in and out of Beca. “To take care of you, fuck—” She shudders, pressing herself more firmly against Beca’s thigh, wedged as best as she can against Chloe’s cunt. Her thrusts increase in intensity, both of them doing their best to maintain an upright position.

You are, Beca wants to say. She can do nothing more than cry out, pulling at Chloe’s hair as she finally comes, falling apart in Chloe’s arms.

 * * * * *

 The phone buzzes obnoxiously.

“Who is it?” Chloe asks sleepily. She moves as if to rise from the bed to retrieve their phones. Beca groans, pulling Chloe back into their comfortable cocoon-slash-duvet. “But—”

Beca could care less about who it is. All she knows is that she wants Chloe wrapped around her in more ways than one, but she’ll settle for at least cuddling at the bare minimum. Naked cuddling, on top of that.

“You’re so clingy tonight,” Chloe observes, but she does not sound upset about it. Instead, she sighs, wrapping her arms around Beca’s shoulders and nestling even closer. “And warm,” she adds happily. “Awesome.”

Beca hums, distracted by the soft curves of Chloe’s body. She presses her lips against Chloe’s collarbones—a kiss on each side—before she begins lazily kissing the column of her neck. Chloe shivers against her, though her arm tenses around her shoulders, tightening her hold.

“Again?” Chloe murmurs. She uses her free hand to trace the curve of Beca’s cheek and the line of her jaw. “You’re insatiable.”

Beca doesn’t bother arguing. She just tilts her head back so Chloe can see her face and she smirks for good measure, knowing that Chloe will cave soon enough.

On her phone—three missed calls: Jesse Swanson.

fin chapter 3

[dameronology]

obi-wan kenobi fluff alphabet

based off of this original post! if you guys want to see another star wars/marvel character, drop a message in my inbox :D

a - activities - what do they like to do with their s/o? how do they spend their free time with them?

obi-wan would sit and watch paint dry for hours if he was with you. he doesn’t care what you guys do, as long as you’re together. however, he does particularly enjoy training with you, especially when you both get competitive. he also loves going for long walks, particularly at sunset, when you guys can just talk about everything and nothing.

b -beauty - what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?

as a jedi, obi-wan automatically admires things like patience and understanding, but especially passion. he loves when his s/o has a fiery passion to do something, whether it’s for a cause or to complete a task.

c - comfort - how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

obi-wan can usually sense your emotions through the force, so he’s very aware of what you’re feeling. if he’s not with you, he’ll reach out to you and try and talk to you - it’ll be calming words, sometimes ones of advice. if he’s with you, he’ll sit you down and hold you. if you want to talk about it, he’s all ears, but he’s also more than happy to just lay with you. 

d - dreams - how do they picture their future with their s/o?

this is a tricky one because given the circumstances, obi-wan can never plan any definitive - his job is unpredictable and he barely knows what he’s doing in the next week. with that said, the one thing he is certain of is that wherever he ends up, he wants you with him. 

e- equal - are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

your relationship is definitely one of equals. obi-wan is so big on communication and talking and being on the same wavelength as you is very important to him. with that said, he is a jedi master and spends most his time instructing other people so he can over-step a little sometimes, but he’s very quick to notice and act on it. 

f - fight - would they be easy to forgive their s/o? how are they fighting?

again, obi-wan is so big on the communication front and he urges you to talk things out rather than argue. with that said, fights are kind of inevitable in any relationship and they do happen; if he’s in the wrong, he’ll always apologise quickly and if you’re the one he feels is in the wrong, he’ll explain why and it’s not long before a compromise is reached. 

g - gratitude - how grateful are they in general? are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

he is the KING of gratitude. he is so aware of everything you do for him and obi-wan is so focused on making sure you know it. (side note: some of his methods of appreciation™ belong in the other kind of alphabet) 

h - honesty - do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? or do they share everything?

obi-wan would never lie to you. he hardly has a reason to, and even if he did, his guilty conscious would make it impossible for him to do so. your relationship is your safe space and it’s an open book. you know each other better than you know yourselves (which works out quite nicely). 

inspiration - did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

you turned his whole world around. before you, he’d completely shut the door on love and locked it behind him. you made him realise that he could be a good jedi and still love you.  in fact, obi-wan probably credits you for making him a better jedi; the presence of somebody else in his life made him much more rational and self-aware. 

j - jealousy - do they get jealous easily? how do they deal with it?

obi-wan tries not to get jealous but he’s a human being, and it does happen. you guys can’t be open about your relationship in certain places, and that does lead to situations where somebody gets a little too close, but it’s his trust for you that trumps his jealousy. he knows that you love him and would never hurt him, and that’s enough to get him through it. 

K - kiss - are they a good kisser? what was the first kiss like?

obi-wan kenobi is one hell of a kisser and nobody could convince me otherwise. he’s definitely had enough experience with it, and that only increases when he starts to learn what you like in particular. 

l - love confession - how would they confess to their s/o?

it would probably take a lot for him to tell you - like, obi-wan is risking a lot and going against the very code he practices. but, once he’s convinced himself to do it, it’s full steam ahead and it’s a simple declaration. 

m-  marriage - do they want to get married? how do they propose? what would the marriage be like?

it probably depends on the situation. if it was after order 66 (ouch) and you’re both adjusting to life on tatooine, he’d definitely be down for it; after everything, he’d want to settle down and you’re the only constant in his life. if you were both still at the temple, he’d be pretty content with just being with you. your relationship is extremely dedicated and important to you both, so it’s not all that different from a marriage. 

n - nicknames - what do they call their s/o?

obi-wan probably uses darling, my love and my dear the most. 

o - on cloud nine - what are they like when they are in love? is it obvious for others? how do they express their feelings?

he’s in a permanently good mood. anakin is probably the first to notice it; when he messes up and obi-wan is oddly pleasant about it, that’s when he realises. he’s normally an upbeat person most the time anyways, but when he’s in love, he’s like a literal ray of sunshine. 

p - pda - are they upfront about their relationship? do they brag with their s/o in front of others? or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

for obvious reasons, you and obi-wan have to keep your relationship completely secret. with that said, if you guys are on a far away mission where nobody you know can see you, he’ll put on small displays of affection like intertwining your fingers or putting his hand on the small of your back. 

Q - quirk - some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

obi-wan’s connection to the force works as a connection to you (and vice versa if you’re also a jedi). it’s never in an overbearing way or a protective way, but it means you guys are intertwined in a way that’s beyond your average earthly relationship. 

r-  romance - how romantic are they? what would they do to make their s/o happy? cliché or rather creative?

for obi-wan, his love for you is hidden in every day gestures. he remembers the exact way you like your caff, he’ll take note of every tiny detail of every conversation ever and he listens to you in a way you’ll never quite get over. for example, one time you mentioned you liked a type of flowers that can only be found on one specific type of planet, and six months later, he happened to be on a mission there. he returned with the flowers, which by then, you hadn’t even remembered mentioning. 

s -support - are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? do they believe in them?

the man is like your own personal cheerleading squad. whatever your goal is, however big or small, he will support you through hell and high water.

t - thrill - do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? or do they prefer a certain routine?

because there’s a lot of sneaking around, you’re both kept on your toes pretty much all the time. with that said, you and obi-wan do fall into your own kind of routine together after a few years; neither of you mind. as long as you’re together, you’re happy. 

u - understanding - how good do they know their partner? are they empathetic?

obi-wan knows you better than anybody. he knows your tiny mannerisms and habits and he never fails to surprise you with how much he gets you. 

v- value - how important is the relationship to them? what is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

you’re literally the most important thing in his life. everything he does, he does it for you. 

w - wild Card - A random fluff headcanon.

obi-wan loves to hold you at night, and sometimes it’s not even a conscious decision. there are times when you fall asleep on different sides of the mattress and wake up to find your legs tangled and his arms clinging onto you.  

x - xoxo - are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

in private, hell yes. when you guys are in your quarters, he loves to hold you and kiss you. it was surprising at first because before you were together, you never would have predicted it but it’s one of your favourite things about him.

y - yearning - how will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

thank fuck for force bonds, amirite? 

when you guys are apart, you can easily stay in touch because of your connection via the force. it’s nothing compared to physically being with you, but it helps tide him through the longer missions. 

x - zeal - are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? if so, what kind of?

obi-wan would literally cross the galaxy and back ten times over for you. the man would do anything to keep you safe and protect you. 

[365days365movies]

January 13, 2021: House of Flying Daggers (2004)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was HUGE. I don’t just mean on this blog, I mean in the United States in 2000 and 2001. If you were alive and aware of movies that year, then you remember people talking about this movie. It was, and is to this day, the highest grossing foreign-language film in the United States. So what does that mean?

It means that Ang Lee wouldn’t be the only wuxia film director to cross the pond. Two years later, a little movie called Hero would be released internationally. That wuxia would eventually become the #3 highest-grossing foreign language movie in the USA. It’]s director was an old hat wuxia director in China, Zhang Yimou.

Yimou’s success on China never translated in the USA, until Hero in 2002. After that, he would release more films in the USA, one of the most recent being...oh. OH. OH NO, The Great Wall starring Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, and Willem Dafoe?!? THAT’S A ZHANG YIMOU MOVIE?

...I mean, Ang Lee made the 2003 Hulk, so I guess nobody’s perfect. Anyway, House of Flying Daggers.

Zhang Ziyi’s back! This is another critically acclaimed movie, but wasn’t nearly as popular in the USA. It was nominated for one Academy Award, for Best Cinematography, but it lost to The Aviator. I’ll talk about that one in the future the way of the future the way of the future the way of the future.

But OK, enough introduction, IT’S WUXIA TIME WOOO SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

The House of Flying Daggers is a Robin Hood organization, stealing from the wealthy and giving to the disenfranchised in a particularly poor area and time period in China. Their biggest enemies, as you’d expect from a Robin Hood group, are the police, who are conspiring to take down their leader within ten days, whomever they may be.

One of these policeman is Jin (Takeshi Kaneshiro), who goes to the Peony Pavilion, an “entertainment house” full of beautiful women. See, the leader’s daughter is rumored to be working there as a new showgirl.

This is the blind dancer Mei (Zhang Ziyi), who’s questioned awkwardly by the VERY drunk Jin. She dances and sings for him, as requested. Good time to mention something that I didn’t mention yesterday: Zhang Ziyi has no martial arts background prior to her film career. Instead, her background is in dance! She learned fight choreography in that film the same way she learned dance choreography. So, it’s neat to see her return to her roots.

It’s less neat to see Jin straight-up sexually assault her and get arrested by the cops. So, y’know, ups and downs there. To prevent from getting arrested herself, Mei accepts the offer to play a game called “Echo.” This is prompted by another police officer, Leo (Andy Lau). He, uh...throws beans at a circle of drums, and she responds by hitting the drums with her sleeves. Yeah. Sounds dumb, right? Well, check out how it looks.

This is a very different movie, as compared to CTHD. And yeah, I’m only 15 minutes in, but the choreography is far more artistically flourished. Yeah. I said that as compared to CTHD. Only time will tell, but this full dance sequence is definitely interesting to watch.

Anyway, as you can see above, it ends once Mei grabs the captain’s sword with her sleeve ribbons, and challenges him to a duel. She also TOTALLY blows her cover as a sympathizer to the House of Flying Daggers, and the two fight.

This fight does NOT go well for her, and she’s arrested. Also, it would seem that the drunken display by Jin was actually just a ruse, meant to get her to play the game and reveal herself. Seems...complicated, but it got result, I guess? Anyway, they threaten her with torture (like you do), unless she gives them information of the new leader of the House of Fly...HoFD. There. If CTHD gets an acronym, so does this.

Suddenly, though, a ninja appears and sets Mei free, fighting off the guards. Said ninja reveals himself as...Jin? They refamiliarize themselves.

Very refamiliar.

Anyway, the soldiers are indeed approaching, and Mei and Jin go on the run. The policemen chase them down on horses, and Mei takes down three horses and the guys riding them...with a scabbard. By herself. Badass.

That’s followed by her taking on four armed men at once, although this round doesn’t go nearly as well.

Luckily for her, however, Jin arrives in the nick of time to save her. We get this VERY cool POV arrow shot:

And the two leave. HOWEVER, the policeman ALL get up at the end, which means...Jin’s lying about all of this, huh? It’s a ruse to find to location of the HoFD, using Mei as an unwitting guide. Oof. Liar revealed plot set-up, huh? If that’s the case...I’ll get into that more later.

Jin leaves a message for his fellows, while Mei bathes and puts on men’s clothes provided by Jin, as a disguise. 

It’s at this point that Jin decides to go FULL creep again, and GODDAMN is it not working for me. It is...UNCOMFORTABLE, knowing what we know about Jin. And yet, despite that information...

It’s working for Mei. Yeah, they make out. Mei does say that it’s too soon, and that she doesn’t quite trust him that much yet...but they definitely made out there for a hot sec. It was...yup.

We get a reminder the Jin’s kind of an emotionally manipulative asshole as he meets with Leo, who warns her not to “fall for her.” So. It IS one of these stories, huh? We’ll see how it goes, but...yeah, not digging the love story so far.

And yet, as I say that, there goes Jin, falling in love with her. Soldiers consistently follow them wherever they go. Looks like the plan is backfiring, as soldiers who aren’t one of Jim’s cohorts believe that he’s a member of the HoFD, having broke Mei out of jail and all. So they attack them in earnest, even injuring Jin somewhat.

And that’s when Mei brings out the dagger. The Flying Dagger. THE HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGER.

I tell ya...that’s cool. Might be a CGI house of flying dagger (LOT of CGI in this movie, by the way, and none of it is technically...good), but I love it. The two fight off the soldiers in the field using the house of flying daggers and arrows, but reinforcements arrive. The two fight them in a sequence that’s more dance than ight. And it’s pretty cool. But they’re soon outnumbered.

Until...some wooden dowels come out of NOWHERE, impaling them in the neck and taking them down. Having survived, the two rest in the field, pondering where the dowels came from. And, of course, making out.

Although, this time, Mei starts it, and Jin refuses. He leaves, at her urging, and meets with Leo. Turns out the General sent the soldiers in the field, and is sending more to kill Mei AND Jin. And, as a note, Jin just KILLED some of those guys, as did Mei. Arrow boys from earlier lived, since it was a set-up for Mei. But, no, Jin actually has to kill the soldiers coming up.

That’s when he realizes that the General doesn’t care about him, at ALL, and he’s willing to shed the blood of his men and of Jin to get his goals met. And Jin...quits. Jin STRAIGHT UP quits, and returns to Mei. They get into a spat, and Mei leaves. And she goes to...

A bamboo forest. Thank you, China, for loving bamboo so much in these movies, because this sequence is gorgeous. I tell you, these movies do real well with the bamboo green color. Gorgeous.

The soldiers ambush Mei there, but Jin’s caught up, and he helps fight them off. Some awesome bamboo tricks (and sounds, by the way, real neat sounds here), more object-throwing (including a lot of using the bamboo stalks as weapons, which is SUPER FUCKIN’ COOL), and some gorgeous cinematography though the forest. Real talk, this scene made the movie for me. So far, anyway. We even get a BADASS bamboo spike trap! And it’s here that our pair is caught.

AND THEN

IT’S THE HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS FUCK YEAH

Looks like the madam of the entertainer’s house actually is the head of the HoFD, once again upholding the tradition of badass women of wuxia that we’ve seen in LITERALLY ALL THREE of these movies.

The leader asks if Jin likes Mei, and would consider marrying her. It’s far too soon for Jin, and he’s formally captured by the HoFD. They knew about his and Leo’s plan, and drag a captured Leo in as well. AND, AND...MEI’S NOT BLIND, or the daughter of the leader!!! Yeah! She’s been faking the whole movie! HA! Liar revealed indeed!

Didn’t see that one coming! Mei’s just a normal anti-governmentrevolutionary, and Jin’s now just a prisoner alongside Leo. But another twist, as this isn’t the actual leader of the HoFD. Leo reveals this; and how does he know that? LEO...IS A GODDAMN MOLE IN THE GOVERNMENT!!! WHAT????? YES! Leo’s a member of the HoFD, and he was planted three years ago to spy on the cops! And...AND...HE’S MEI’S FIANCEE!! WHAT IN THE SHIT?!?

OH I AM FULLY INVESTED. What the hell else is gonna happen? How about a game of Echo?

Yeah, that scene from earlier? No wonder it was a dance! It was the reunion between two lovers, long since parted! Holy shit, THIS is a romance I can fully get behind! But...can Mei? Because she certainly isn’t feeling it as much as Leo is...

Yup. Looks like she fell in love with Jin after all. Uh oh. BIG UH OH. And there goes my support of their romance, as Leo tries to rape Mei. Nia, the leader, ain’t having it, and throws a dagger into Jin’s back. He goes back to spy on the cops, but not before shaming Mei. Oof. I take it back. 

And now, Mei’s been told to kill Jin. I’m sure that’s gonna happen.

YUP

Well, after they have Field Sex (probably better than CTHD’s Cave Sex, let’s be honest), they decide to go their separate ways, becoming fated lovers on two separate sides. But Mei has second thoughts, and goes back.

Somebody else comes back, too.

YIKES, LEO! Yeah, he kills her right there in the field, blaming her for making him kill her! YIKES, LEO!!! I take it back, you’re a DICK.

Jin ALSO comes back for Mei, and finds Leo instead. A pissed-off Leo reveals himself to Jin, and the two engage in a sword battle for Mei. And then...autumn turns to winter.

As the army encroaches on the HoFD in the bamboo forest, two former friends shed blood amongst the snow. Their fight...their fight is brutal. The choreography may not be the fanciest...but it is insanely and viciously emotional. Blood and snow, man. Blood and snow.

Also, hey, guess who’s alive after all! Mei gets up, despite the DAGGER IN HER CHEST STILL. She asks Leo to let Jin go, or she’ll USE THE DAGGER IN HER CHEST TO KILL HIM. METAL. Obviously, that’ll actually kill her, So Jin asks her not to do it. But it doesn’t matter in the end.

Mei throws her dagger to intercept Leo’s. And Leo...never throws his dagger..

Leo leaves. Mei dies. Jin cries and sings their song.

A rare beauty in the North. She’s the finest lady on earth. A glance from her, the whole city goes down. A second glance leaves the nation in ruins. There exists no city or nation that has been more cherished than a beauty like this. A rare beauty in the North. She’s the finest lady on earth. A glance from her, the whole city goes down. A second glance leaves the nation in ruins. There exists no city or nation that has been more cherished than a beauty like this.

And we never see what happens to the...House of Flying Daggers.

WHOOF. Epilogue soon.

[handlewithkara]

@peggystormborn I think Iris Barry is the exception for a variety of reasons (imo partially race, partially the committment of the writers to the couple). But Oliver and Felicity did A LOT OF triangles before they committed and some of the writing for them was terrible on the romance front. People like to just remember the endgame, but they forget how terrible the road there was (Laurel, Sarah, Oliver marrying another woman, Oliver having a child with another woman, an entire crossover dedicated to a fantasy wedding between Laurel and Oliver, evil!Oliver being married to Kara). Granted in a lot of ways it was because Felicity wasn’t the original OTP and I think it took Marc Guggenheim a long time to finally accept it (I think he’s one of those writers who deep at heart doesn’t really like romance at all, and just eventually only grudingly accepted it, but I think the earlier seasons feel like there was a lot of latent animosity from the writers towards the storyline). 

(and one can debate how Barry/Mirror Iris is something like a triangle, even if it is a triangle made up by writers who desperately want to maintain the “pure” status of an OTP, I mean, as long as you don’t think too hard about the implications of Mirror!Iris [I also think that the fact that Iris and Felicity predominantly don’t have superpowers makes it slightly easier for them to work as a functioning couple])

People thinking that the writers have handled Kara’s Kryptonian relations poorly doesn’t change that if the topic does not interest the writers they are not going to write it (and if they write something really tonedeaf about it, that is usually a sign that they don’t really care about a topic). It’s a very common trait of fanbases to take certain topics more seriously. Criticisms of co-dependency and calls for therapy are very, very common examples of this in a multitude of fandoms. 

You have this all over the Supernatural ending, with people saying “Dean was acting suicidal for years, it sends a horrible message that the show ends up with him dying” and “John Winchester was a horrible father, it’s a horrible message that the show ends up with him being in heaven as part of Dean’s personal heaven and the show never doing a story where Dean recognizes that John screwed him up and fully breaks ties with him” and “the brothers were co-dependant, the show getting rid of all the characters who are not them and making the ending exclusively about them is a horrible message”. 

I think it’s pretty clear that these things weren’t written because the writers intended to send that message, they just clearly see the characters very differently and many things the fans obsess over they see as just not that great a deal. Fans often latch onto characters and stories because they see part of themselves in them and project their own experiences and their emotions about those experiences into those characters (look no further than Lena’s fans and what they think is most important about her character). Fans also love their characters and want their angst to be explored, while most shows just want to keep the plot going. That’s why you will have amost every fandom clamoring how the show should do a therapy plot for their favorite character. To them that makes sense, they love their favorite character, so them sitting on a couch and talking about their feelings of course is going to sound fascinating. Doesn’t mean that the writers tick that way at all. 

Supernatural can show pretty clearly how there can be a fundamental miscommunication between the fans and the creators. Where maybe writers might think that Dean’s dogged loyalty is his most fascinating trait, while fans might think his angsty woobie appeal is his most fascinating trait and his loyalty is boring or just a jumping off point or even actively harmful. Social media and fandom, I think it just has a habit of attracting people who have problems in their real lives and they are likely to project their own problems into these characters, but that does not mean that the writers are anywhere the same headspace (particularly in regards to how abusive or co-dependant a relationship is, I think just like with John Winchester, writers are way more likely to have a more positive view towards relationship and stories like that, because to them, those relationships are something good in their world because they are drivers of drama, providers of dramatic scenes). 

And I think history has shown, no matter how annoying it is to the fans, new showrunners just will not be beholden to the themes and messages of previous showrunners. They will pay tribute to whatever part of previous seasons they like, but they are likely going to come in with their own spin, their biases and their own takes of the characters. 

(for what it’s worth, I theorize season 4 started out with the plan for a sister season, to explore (via Red Kara and Elseworld and Amnesia) what is Alex without Kara, what is Kara without Alex and they just sort of lost the main plot somewhere in the middle between introducing Nia, introducing Lex and poorly thought out political metaphor) 

Right now, what little we know of season 6 makes one hopeful that it could have a significant Alex and thusly sister focused plot, with Alex playing around with being a vigilante and there being rumors of another young sisters episode. 

What is interesting about this is that either of Alex most likely developments, Alex becoming a hero in her own right OR Alex finally getting her baby and family provide interesting jumping off points for Kara to reflect on her own life. This does not mean that the writers will actually take this opportunity seriously, but it is at least possible. 

Alex has been a physical fighter working with Kara since forever, but her getting her own costume could be a signal that she is getting her own hero identity. Alex being her own heroic person rather than just the no-name who supports Kara ideally should be an interesting change up in their dynamics. Either with Kara cheerleading and supporting Alex they way Alex has always supported her or with Kara realizing that maybe she has to step back a little and let Alex be her own hero and trust her that she can handle things on her own (potentially culminating with Kara leaving the protection of the city and Earth in the hands of Alex). 

I could picture Kara having a relationship with William and eventually rejecting him symbolically but I just really wouldn’t expect it to be about Argo. But I could picture a plot where seeing Alex thrive as a hero makes Kara think she has the freedom to kick back and focus on her romantic relationship or focus on being just Kara Danvers for a while (and in the end realizing that that is not enough for her, I just would expect this NOT to be about Kara Zor-El but about Supergirl, Kara realizing that she needs to be Supergirl to be happy even if being Supergirl has made her life more complicated in many ways). 

On the other hand, if Alex were to finally get her child wish fulfilled it could a be a good story to explore what the equivalent is for Kara (while with Alex, she has always been protective of Kara, so her having somebody else to raise and be protective over would also provide good emotional dramatic potential). 

But it could just as equally be that they parallel Alex being happy with a baby and a girlfriend as their little family with Kara just getting William as the nice unproblematic understanding boyfriend, forming their own family unit albeit without a child. Or it could be Kara just getting gratification of being a supportive and loving aunt. You never know. Supernatural shows that just because the fans are convinced that the show will go one way (Family is about more than blood ties! The show will end with showing how Sam and Dean have evolved beyond “the two of us against the world!” and their family unit now includes Eileen, Castiel and Jack) doesn’t mean that the writers see it the same way. 

It’s very interesting in how this reaction mirrors the reaction to the How I Met Your Mother Finale where the writers thought it made sense to circle back to the start and most of the general audience disliked it because they felt the characters had developed beyond the original premise. But it still shows how this particular pattern of thinking is one that writers are very likely to fall into. 

Finales often have a way of exposing whether one’s (or even the audience in general) perception of the characters and their relationships and perceived moral takeaways align with the one’s of the writers. I don’t even think that that is something that can just be “fixed” by telling writers “don’t be the Game of Thrones finale, don’t be the HIMYM finale”. If powerful writers just have a certain perception of characters, that’s just how they see them and they can’t just break out of. 

I guess one can argue that maybe it’s a sign of poor writing (even if it might be good business sense) if a show supports such a variety of readings till the very end (are we watching a story about co-dependant siblings which should end with them lovingly and supportively letting each other go? or are we watching a show about siblings through thick and thin, more powerful than anything?), but I think in some cases it just arises naturally because of the way fans can project themselves into characters in ways that was not intended by the writers and that can’t fully be controlled by them (and since those projections are heavily influenced by people’s very varied personal experiences you also can’t just please everyone).  

[anxiouslyfred]

Love After Exile - Rejection

Summary: Virgil loved Remus and Deceit long before they fell out. Now he’s dating Logan after beginning to recognise similar feelings. Roman works on matchmaking and finally talks to Remus about it all, and Dukeceit try to make their move for Logan and Virgil

Authors Note: Yeah it’s been forever since I updated, but the main thing I want to add is there’s almost a chapter worth of writing I’ve cut out of this where Virgil and Patton bake together. It didn’t really fit the story given how little a role Pat has in the story so I just summarised it.

Formatting: There’s a shifting POV, anytime you see Bold starts of a paragraph then there’s been a perspective shift.

Pairings: Analogical from the start, eventual Analoceitmus 

Warnings for this part: suggestive talk, some sex references (Remus being Remus) 

/\/\/\/\/\ Part One /\/\/\/\ Part Two /\/\/\/\/\ Part Three /\/\/\/\/\/\Part Four

Virgil knew change like it was a scent in the air. He could sense it was coming closer and closer currently, but nothing had been said that suggested what it was. Instead of speaking up about it,he worried; worried over if it was change in Thomas or change for himself, worried about how his family would react to the changes, simply worried about change disrupting his relationship with Logan or his tentative friendship now growing with Remus and Deceit once more. Above all of that he worried that Patton would fight whatever changes were happening.

He'd felt the echoes of concern coming from Morality when the other sides first heard Remus talking about His people. Everyone knew of Patton's distaste for the Deceitful side, even though they'd proven that he could tell the truth easily and often did. Virgil just didn't want that friendship to break down once more, not with how closely the emotional aspects of their roles had proven to be.

After the discussion of polyamory, a few days had passed with no appearance from either of the hidden sides, not that that meant they wouldn't pop in whenever it took their whims. Virgil decided to use the time to catch up with Patton, leaving Logan engrossed in rereading something that Roman had to have written given the cover.

After their afternoon baking and chatting Virgil knew that Patton would have a lot more thinking and introspection to do. He had hope some of the hostility to the others would reduce. It might not be enough to avoid another questioning of roles if something actually ended up happening with Deceit and Remus, but it was a start.

Thomas had been in a bit of a creative block this week, or at least that was Roman's excuse if any questioned why he was heading into the hidden commons to visit his brother. Of course Deceit would see in an instant that was a lie, and Remus would probably know fairly easily, but Patton and Logan would accept the excuse.

He actually wanted to find out where Remus was in regards to Virgil's feelings now. It had become clear that the pair were more focused on understanding Virgil since the day Roman learnt about his feelings, but their intentions were harder to discern. That's what brought him to knocking on Remus's door and decidedly trying not to think about the scratches and stains over it.

“Princey! What brings you to the forbidden side? Looking for a proper fight tonight?” Remus cheered as he opened the door, ushering Roman through while grabbing his morning star.

“Or perhaps some inspiration from unexpected places.” Roman rolled his eyes, easily batting the weapon back down.

The scoff that received was entirely expected. “Yeah, the other one has a cockring on it, much more fun to play with than whatever you're trying to pull.”

“You're just as polyamorous as I am but where is your attraction falling currently?” Roman easily switched subjects as soon as the door was shut, ignoring his brothers comments, and squaring his shoulders.

Remus froze at the abrupt subject change. He really had been expecting it to involve fighting as Roman's visits usually did, either him having an injury or just wanting to fight someone he didn't control for a while.

“Trust me, feeding into the urge to matchmake just ends up in arguments and losing friends, Ro. Don't try it with me.” He warned, suddenly serious in a way the others often forgot he could do.

“How do you think Mr I-Don't-Have-Feelings and Trust-No-Comfort got together? Thomas having accepted his attraction makes the attempts to matchmake a lot easier I would believe.” Just the subject would of course touch on the one thing the brothers avoided talking about, but Remus hadn't expected the role of looking after Thomas's attractions to change as much as the words he heard implied it had.

He shook the thoughts off with a wriggle. “Still misses out all the juicy stuff. Ya need me for the fun times.”

“I have my own methods for the fun times and definitely don't need you for them. I do however need you to answer my question. Who are you attracted to, trash panda?” Roman crossed his arms at the attempt to divert the conversation. Remus could see the urge to fight already growing behind his eyes, the chaos and lack of order frustrating the accepted creativity almost as much as the opposite made him antsy.

“You know you can't just trap me with them Roro. That's not how we work, and much as I like seeing people tied up, all that would make me do is cause a spectacle. Blood can be a wonderful paint you know.” He was trying to suggest things that would cause Roman to reveal whatever his intentions were without acknowledging who either was talking about. At least until there was a way to ask who Roman had in mind. “Just who are you suggesting I like anyway, Brother Dearest?”

Well, there goes subtlety, Remus always was bad at it, but at least Roman was now spluttering, somewhere between admitting who and vehemently denying he had anyone in mind.  “NOBODY! Well, of course there's somebody or I wouldn't have decided on asking you instead of picking someone that doesn't constantly attack me, but Nobody.”

Deceit had seen Roman come in, heard the beginning of their chat and felt the lies resonating in him. He knew whatever the brothers were talking about had to seem important, at least to the prince, just as much as that Remus would want a way to recognise the truth.

Neither had decided on a good way to approach Virgil or Logan even now they knew most of the sides were polyamorous, and perhaps the romantic side could help with that. The shutting of Remus's door indicated a wish for privacy though, rather than an open invitation.

All the dark sides respected those signs, at least amongst themselves. Deceit still decided to use his role to help his partner, leaning against the wall of Remus's room, drawing lines with his nails as lies shuddered down his spine from things said within. Quietly enough that only people who knew this method would hear the sound as anything meaningful, but clearly an indication, he carried on doing the sign for ten minutes before any feeling of lies coming from within ceased.

Roman only glanced at him for a moment as he left, about half an hour since any lie had been told although Deceit was still curled up on a cushion he'd summoned to sit on while leaning there. He just smirked at the curious glance, waving the light side goodbye or rather in an obvious hint that he should leave more rapidly.

He still waited for a moment before joining Remus in the room, hearing a few snickers breaking out. “Dee-dee. He wants to matchmake for us.” Remus was crowing, rolling on his bed that had definitely been made by the prince given the sheets were now being methodically messed up once more.

“With who? Does he suppose us to be novices in the fields of love because he controls Thomas's romantic desires?” Dee sighed, letting the arms reaching for him become an embrace.

“Logan and Virgil of course.”

Logan had assumed that Roman would try matchmaking soon after he realised that Virgil loved Deceit and Remus. He had assumed that if the pair figured that out themselves they would soon be approaching Virgil. He had assumed a lot of things about love and romance incorrectly, especially regarding the other sides reactions to it.

Three weeks had passed since the start of all the chatter and still there was no change to the relationships of Thomas's mind-space except perhaps, Remus and Deceit properly getting together. Logan was content with that. It meant he could continue the comforting relationship with Virgil for longer and hopefully predict when it would be brought to an end by the pair Virgil loved.

He couldn't see that Remus claiming him as one of His People would particularly alter what would occur. So when Roman came asking for some grounding for an idea he was struggling with bringing into a possibility for a video of course Logan would agree, following him into the imagination. Virgil getting invited along too just made it all the more likely they would succeed in assisting.

Remus and Deceit already being present in the idea room was mildly concerning. Too much creativity could inhibit an ideas effectiveness and Deceit would be more likely to comfort them over issues than suggest real solutions.

“What idea needs both sides of creativity to form it?” Logan had to ask, immediately honing his gaze on Roman as he shifted uncomfortably.

He noted the glance and nod shared between Remus and Roman, as well as the dismissive wave Remus gave. “One that's actually mine but we don't want Patton to veto from the start. He's going to go fight the dragon witch or something while we talk it through.” Remus explained then, pulling about 20 loose sheets of paper from somewhere.

“You hate when I give input so why don't I just go with Roman?” Virgil's hesitance stopped the exit Roman was clearly trying not to make obvious now, but Logan understood. He'd heard about how Remus used to work through ideas when they got together.

The reaction wasn't expected. When talking about what they wanted to say and how Roman had suggested asking Virgil and Logan to join their relationship Deceit forgot to consider how they'd previously acted together.

A glance showed that both Creativities were lost over how to react in such a way that Virgil might stay and Logic was simply considering something so Deceit reacted instead. “Remus is ever reluctant to listen to amendments to his ideas, but we're working on it. I had hoped you'd be able to aid me in the attempts. If you're too scared of his madness though, by all means, go with Roman.”

There were a lot of things you simply shouldn't say to anxiety if you class him as an ally or friend, that sometimes made him easy to manipulate. Thankfully bringing up fear always did make him determined to face whatever he was wary about and the steel rearing in Virgil's gaze confirmed it had worked again.

“Show us the stupid idea and lets get this over with then!” Virgil growled out, already reaching to take the papers from Remus.

Letting one of the pair see what they'd actually written was not part of the plan but as Deceit watched Remus happily handed them over. “I do love it when you get all controlling Thunderclap, just makes me all tingly and excited.” Suppressing the sigh that came from Remus giving into his impulses was difficult now.

Deceit had double checked to make sure at least 2 of the pages were actually about an idea they might feasibly want Thomas to see that Remus had thought up but the majority were actually about their emotions, and reactions leading them to want this relationship. Now he would have to delay Virgil getting to those pages until Roman actually was out of the area.

“While that's all well and good, Dear, perhaps you'd like to tell Virgil and Logan about your idea? An actual battle to defend our ideas definitely needs some work to make it feasible.” He began, bringing their focus back from whatever thoughts Logan and Virgil were trying not to react to.

“Just because of editing. I don't see why we can't do it. It's not like any of us are actually going to get hurt. Thomas just acts all our roles out and he's already done me attacking Roman so why not an extra step further.” Remus was interested in the reactions he was getting now.

Virgil had looked taken aback at the innuendo and just what he'd suggested before Deceit brought their cover idea up. Logan had tilted his head, analysing something although whether that was the words or looking for any intent behind them wasn't for Remus to figure out. Deceit was the one in charge of that bit between them.

“Come on guys, there could be bloodshed, and Logan can finally get out all that pent up anger in a way other than throwing things at people. We can all be screaming and have warnings not to watch with headphones in.” He could ramble for ages about the fight idea, even the things they could use it to settle arguments about which was basically everything, and glancing to the edge of their gathering Roman had already disappeared.

Now he was just rambling, occasionally letting Logan interject with a thought over what opposition their team might have to trying to do a video like it and the technical difficulties they could face, eyes actually honed into the pages in Virgil's hand. The first page had already been passed over to Logan to look at and as soon as that second page was moved Remus was going to change the conversation on a 180degree turn. Perhaps he could literally do that with his head?

“This is definitely not your battle scenario.” Damnit Remus, getting lost in weird thoughts meant you missed the page being handed to Logan. Virgil was now staring, almost fearfully at the page which focused on Logan's many gorgeous attributes.

“But isn't it so much more interesting, Vi-vi? Just imagine what the four of us could be together! How much pleasure could be brought to you by three sets of hands instead of just one?” Sex always worked to get people to date you, even Logan had mentioned in in the valentines episode so that must be how you normally get a boyfriend.

Judging by Deceit's amused cough and Logan's raised eyebrows it might not be.

This was finally happening and Logan was shocked that he was being included in the proposition.

“Can I have some clarity? Are you asking for both of us to join your relationship or just suggesting Virgil dates the two of you in one relationship and myself separately to that?” He had to speak up, unclear over how he was included in the situation.

His inclusion could all be there for the open and healthy communication they'd discussed in regards to polyamorous relationships.

“We want to date both of you. All of us together.” Deceit confirmed, inclining his head. “How could we not with your intellect and Virgil's sharp wit. You both have us entranced although I wouldn't mind Virgil being a little less silent over his feelings now.”

That was when Virgil started a reaction Logan would never have predicted. Given all the emotions he'd been told about regarding the pair it was easy to believe Anxiety's function wasn't affecting him as much now as it had before he left.

Except the pages were being scrunched up and thrown on the floor even as Remus began speaking again. “Yes! Yes, logie, teacher, Mr Sir, Please, pretty please, ice cream covered pork chops please will you and Virgil date us?” The words lost no energy as everyone registered the reaction but Logan could see everyone's growing confusion and focus centring on Virgil.

Virgil glared at the question that had been asked and everything written on the pages he'd been holding. He took in the confused blinks from everyone including Logan. “I've already been through the pain of screwing up too much for you before. Why the hell should I open myself up to it all over again?”

He was vehement about protecting himself now. Logan had confirmed and reaffirmed that he'd always wait for Virgil to be ready to talk even before they got together. Deceit and Remus had done the opposite the day they tried to force him to speak and he couldn't take that again.

Of course he loved them, so fiercely and strongly that it was a battle to just reject them but not again, he couldn't go through that pain a second time.

Virgil saw Remus about to speak, and Deceit clearly thinking over what he could say to rectify the situation and couldn't take that either. He turned and walked out of the castle, past the boundary Roman usually made it difficult to sink out from behind and back to where he could curl up under all his blankets in his room, or maybe Patton's or Roman's someone he could get away with not wanting to talk about emotions immediately after going through them.

Silence fell as Virgil left, and not even a stray thought was in Remus's mind. His Person had just rejected possibly everything.

/\/\/\ Part 6 /\/\/\ Part Seven /\/\/\ Part Eight /\/\/\ Part Nine /\/\/\/\

[lastflcwers]

we love a boy in all black everything anyway hi it’s amanda again and i’m on my bullshit

『NICK ROBINSON ❙ CISMALE』 ⟿ looks like CASTOR DECODY is here for HIS JUNIOR year as a HISTORY student. HE is 23 years old & known to be WELL-TRAVELED, FERVENT, FLEETING & MELANCHOLIC . They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ amanda. 22. mst. she/her

trigger warning: drug use, death, cancer

NAME:  castor “cas” simon decody AGE:  23 BIRTH DATE:  august 17th, 1996 ZODIAC:  leo sun, scorpio moon SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  heterosexual SOCIAL CLASS:  upper HOMETOWN:  seattle, washington EDUCATION LEVEL:  junior studying history FACE CLAIM:  nick robinson ADDICTION(S):  has been to rehab for xanax dependency DRUG USE:  smokes weed mostly but will participate in most drugs otherwise ALCOHOL USE:  yes POSITIVE TRAITS:  fervent, well-traveled, loquacious, dreamy NEGATIVE TRAITS:  fleeting, melancholic, vulgar, unrealistic LIKES:  greek mythology, radiohead, napping, writing DISLIKES:  talking on the phone, sunbathing, due dates, the beach

my boy castor here is an old muse of mine, dating back like at least three years ??? so i’ve got quite a bit about him but we’ll see how good i am at relaying it

cas is the reluctant only child of a right-leaning politician (father) and a paralegal (mother, deceased). he was raised mostly in beverly hills, but has spent some years living in seattle and toronto as well.

once he graduated high school, he spent six months abroad in europe, mainly staying in greece and italy. it was there that he sort of “discovered” his 18 year old self, and still feels like he left a piece of himself there. he also got really into partying, and did a lot of things he never would’ve done otherwise.

when he came home from the trip, he found out that his mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer while he’d been away. his family did not call to tell him, so he began resenting himself (and his dad) for so selfishly traveling when the best person in his life was undergoing treatment.

at age 19, when his mother passed, cas delve deep into a depression that he’d always sort of had but never let overwhelm him. he began using xanax on the regular, finding it much easier to just become belligerent or nap all day than to face the sadness he was dealing with.

between the ages of 19 and 23 he has gone to rehab a total of three times.

as for his personality

cas is a writer by nature, always romanticizing the shit out of everything. he thinks everything has deeper meaning than it necessarily does, particularly his interactions with women.

has an obsession with stargazing. go fucking figure. knows a lot about constellations and space. kind of pretentious when it comes to his interests but doesn’t actually act like he’s better than people. loves reading so so much. especially mythology. i imagine that he grew up with this fanciful library in his childhood home. something like this.

is VERY keen on anything supernatural which is likely why he chose radcliffe in the first place. 

actually very funny??? very self-deprecating humor but god damn does it win people over

tends to be fairly agreeable but will share his knowledge when he doesn’t understand a point of view

drives a nice ass bmw but doesn’t give a fuck about it. he takes little to no care of anything he owns, tbh. isn’t innately messy but just careless

and lastly we have wanted connections

- ex girlfriend(s) honestly castor would be such a sweet sweet boyfriend but they broke up for some reason or another. could be cheating involved on either end or maybe both?

- europe flings ??? idk if anyone has muses that have spent time in europe or are from there but i love the idea of him having this fleeting ass romance with some girl and like running around in barcelona or some shit

- to build off of that further... cas did experiment with his sexuality a bit while in europe. so that connection is open to men to, even though he’s mostly decided he’s into femme-identifying people. internalized homophobia who?

- give me some girl he’s lowkey obsessed with but they are not that close ?? like he writes cute prosy shit about her but they do not hang out other than maybe class or something

- roomies pls. lives in moris, though i imagine he may have at one point stayed in perkins to his own dismay. so maybe ex roomies too?

- hookups? i don’t think castor is like CRAZILY fucking everybody but he’s not about to say no to some hot ass girl

- somebody he lets read his writing... he has to be SO close to this person but also not??? like he wouldn’t want them to know too much about him personally but has to trust them

- friends and pals. fellow night owls. people he can bullshit with. nobody too dull-witted. i know i said he isn’t pretentious but that was a lie

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 23: Mutual Pining

Falling Awake | @wildsofourhearts Rating: General Word Count: 2530 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Post Michael 2.0, Castiel is a mother hen Summary: After Michael is killed by Team Free Will 2.0, Dean ends up in the Empty, Michael's grace pulling a sliver of his consciousness there. The Cosmic Entity calls him out on not realising Castiel is in love with him. Dean needs to decide what to do with that information as he wakes up home.

It Started with a Fanfic Competition | @tenoko1 Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 124540 Main Tags and Warnings: characters write fanfiction, Humor, so much fluff, Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Accidental Plot, UST, Everybody's a BAMF, Cases go wrong, Personal Growth, Sibling Bonding, Found Family, Best Friends, PTSD, Therapy, Alternate Season/Series 12, Unlikely Friendships, Family Bonding,Tropes, Charlie Lives, Everyone Has Issues, Family Feels, Drama & Romance, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Wayward Sisters Summary: What started off as a game becomes a journey of friendship, love, and personal growth; filled with all the ups-and-downs that will make and bind a family.

The Park | @dmsilvisart Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2155 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, implied affair, marriage, talk of children, marital problems Summary: It the park where they met 10 years previous, it's the park where their friendship turned relationship threatens to end now.

The One Rule Club | @spinnerjen Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4032 Main Tags and Warnings: Smut, Rough Sex Summary: Summary: There is only one rule... Consent.

begin & end there | @reallyelegantsharkfish Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7677 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Catfishing, Online Relationship, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Health Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sad Boy Castiel, Phone Sex, Texting, Oral Sex, Loss of Virginity, Fluff Summary: Dean: You’re not who you say you are Cas has always known it might come to this — Dean knowing the pathetic reality of him — and he always knew whatever they were doing couldn’t last. Eventually Dean would see through his excuses. Eventually he would meet someone like James: handsome, successful, confident. Someone that deserves Dean’s attention.

Cas Stuff | @suckerfordeansfreckles Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4731 Main Tags and Warnings: alpha/beta/omega dynamics, alpha!Cas/omega!Dean, pining, misunderstandings, angst, best friends to lovers, very brief Meg/Cas kiss, knotting Summary: Since Cas and Dean moved into their shared apartment closer to their college, but especially since Dean started making more and more new friends in classes and on campus and at parties, things changed. Dean changed, their friendship changed — but Castiel didn’t. Still, if it weren’t for Dean’s handwriting, blue ink on white paper, Cas would never believe Dean would be this cruel. Would never think Dean would sit down and write an actual list about all the things he hates about Cas. A list. Titled “Cas Stuff”.

Faithfully | @wigglebox  Rating: Mature Word Count: 29198 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, recovery, Road Trips, Somnophilia, Bed Sharing Summary: Post-Michael Dean is struggling to recover after essentially suffering a 'cosmic stroke'. The thing he wants the most is a road trip, but with only one person.

Of Flowers and Flours | @lemonsorbae Rating: General Word Count: 4217 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, First Kiss, Florist Castiel, Baker Dean, Alternate Universe, mutual pining Summary: Castiel owns a floral shop, Dean owns a bakery.

Lucky | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1529 Main Tags and Warnings: au, best friends to lovers Summary: “He knows he is being far more dramatic than the situation warrants—Cas is only leaving for six months—but Dean has only recently realized that he is in love with his best friend and now he has to watch him leave.”

Dream House | @breathingdestiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 26622 Main Tags and Warnings: au, celebrity!dean, misunderstandings Summary: Castiel Shurley and his best friend Dorothy Baum have decided to move in together. After his aunt assumes they are dating, she offers them money for the house, but only if they apply for a famous reality show ‘Dream House’. Since they could use the money and he doesn’t want to come out to his aunt, Castiel and Dorothy agree to fake date for the show. But things go wrong when Dorothy falls in love with the show’s producer and Castiel starts to develop feelings for one of the hosts. Dean Winchester is a co-host of ‘Dream House’, along with his brother. Sam, being a realtor, finds a fixer-upper and Dean turns it into a perfect house for their clients. Even though he has what most people only dream about, Dean is incredibly lonely. He had bad experiences with relationships in the past and he doesn’t think he will ever meet anyone who can earn his trust. Until he meets Castiel.

Solitary Flights and Second Chances | @pherryt Rating: General Word Count: 7415 Main Tags and Warnings: Major Tom, Science Fiction, astronaut!dean, estranged Cas and Dean, Pining, hurt!Dean, sabotage, some homophobic language and behavior, Confessions, Second Chances, Sick!Dean, Angst, happy/hopeful ending Summary: All Dean's life, all he wanted was to go into space. He's sacrificed a lot on the way to that dream. Now he has it and he realizes... he sacrificed too much. Way too much. Sabotage, injury and an aborted trip are a strange way to get back the things he lost... that most precious thing of all... but if he can salvage something good from all this, he'll take it. he just needs to get back home alive, first.

After All These Years | @peanutbutterjelly-pie Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 99909 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Single Parent Dean Summary: In which Dean finds himself at a wedding as Jo's fake boyfriend against his will, groaning and complaining the whole time, but still trying to appear all handsome and perfect and utterly in love since he's an awesome friend like that (and since Jo would make his life a living hell otherwise). And just when he begins to think that it won't be so bad to eat tons of free food and let his daughter Emma enjoy the festivity his gaze suddenly meets the two bluest eyes in existence and the world stops to move for a moment. Because of course the groom's brother turns out to be his old high school crush Castiel – the only person Dean was never able to forget – and things start to become really complicated all of a sudden.

Autobiography of Black | @drawlight Rating: Explicit Word Count: 14907 Main Tags and Warnings: Pining, Romance, Feelings Realization, Baking, Fallen Angel Castiel, Bunker Fic Summary: Castiel knows all human languages; Dean has never been particularly good with words. (Or: an examination of pies and stars.)

Sending A Raven | @saltnhalo Rating: Explicit Word Count: 38677 Main Tags and Warnings: Viking AU, temporary character death, mutual pining, magic Summary: When Dean, the Viking jarl of Týrvik, leaves on a raid to combat the enemy warriors attacking their ships, his husband Castiel is left to protect and lead the village. The ships return barely a week later, with damaged timbers and a devastated, leader-less crew, and suddenly Castiel finds himself not only in a position of leadership for which he is ill-equipped, but terrified for the safety of his captured husband. With the possibility of a spy somewhere in the village’s midst, Castiel leaves his people under Sam’s care and departs on the journey north to where they think Dean is being held, in a desperate attempt to rescue him before it’s too late.

Kelp! I Need Somebody | @andimeantittosting Rating: Explicit Word Count: 27090 Main Tags and Warnings: canon divergent from 13x23, case fic, mutual pining Summary: It’s been a week since Michael was defeated and Dean freed, but Castiel can’t seem to get back on the horse. Dean, on the other hand appears to have bounced back completely, with one small exception: he no longer dares touch the now-human Cas at all. When they receive a call from Jesse and Cesar to come investigate a series of mysterious drownings near their New Mexico ranch, Dean jumps on the job, much to Cas and Sam’s dismay. But more challenging than the kelpie they encounter, Jesse and Cesar’s relationship holds up a mirror, showing Dean and Cas the future they wish they could have. When Rowena and Charlie get involved, a shake-up is inevitable.

Sometimes, it's better to be alone | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 3724 Main Tags and Warnings: Dean thinks Sam and Cas are dating, crying Dean, jealous Dean Summary: When Dean discovers, that Sam and Castiel are in a relationship, he does the right thing. He runs.

Only Children and Fools Tell the Ttruth | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 4163 Main Tags and Warnings: De-aged Cas, De-aged Dean, curses, baby sitter!Sam, shy!Dean, Dean has no filter as a kid Summary: When a hunt goes wrong, Sam finds himself with two children alone in the woods. Dean doesn’t seem to trust him at first, but he cares about Castiel even more and lets a well kept secret out.

I've fallen in love many times… but always with you | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 2660 Main Tags and Warnings: Castiel is in love, Dean is jealous, sneaky Castiel, obvious Dean, first kiss Summary: Dean and Cas are alone in the bunker, when Castiel wants to know if Dean has ever been in love. In return Castiel tells him about a special person he is in love with. Dean needs to know more. For reasons.

Genie in a Bottle | @thursdays-fallen-angel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 29454 Main Tags and Warnings: Genie!Cas, side Dean/Lisa Summary: When Dean finds (okay, steals) a bottle containing a strange, glowing blue substance, he does so thinking it's a cool novelty, at best. It didn't exactly cross his mind that the substance might be a living being, let alone a grumpy, sarcastic, perpetually-underdressed genie waiting for a new master. But now that he has a bona fide genie at his disposal, well-what better chance will he have to help things along with Lisa? Except, things don't always go as expected, relationships are complicated, magic is never the solution, and sometimes the person you want isn't the person you need.

Lost Time | @mittensmorgul Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7963 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff and Angst, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Newly Human Castiel, Love Confessions, First Kiss Summary: Dean figured Cas was only trying to let him down easy. He needed a little bit of time to figure out how to deal with it.

Take Residence In My Bones | @babybluecas Rating: Mature Word Count: 34667 Main Tags and Warnings: implied major character death, canon divergent, angst, angelic possession Summary: Being chained to a comet is not how Dean would describe an angelic possession. It’s dark, it’s scary and most of all, confusing. When, with help of Castiel’s voice, he manages to make sense of the new experience, he finally finds some peace of mind not only for himself but for the angel as well. While their relationship unfolds in the seclusion of Dean’s head, the final battle of the Civil War in Heaven approaches inexorably and every step of their hunt for Raphael gets them closer to not being so close anymore. The question is: will Dean be able to let go?

The Return Policy | @castielrisingabove Rating: Mature Word Count: 32550 Main Tags and Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Witch Castiel, Asexual Castiel, Incubus Dean, Accidental Bonding Summary: What's the worst spell an asexual witch like Castiel could cast? Turns out it's the kind that gets him accidentally bonded to an incubus named Dean. Now, Castiel's stuck on a road trip with a sex demon companion as the unlikely pair search for another way to break the bond.

Circuitry and Dust | @almaasi Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 23206 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Antique Shops, Fluff, Romance, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Antique Dealer Castiel, Demisexual Castiel, Demiromantic Castiel, Virgin Castiel, Gamer Dean, Electrician Dean, Talking Birds, Dean in Panties Summary: Castiel's antiquity trading shop is a force to be reckoned with. Last week it was the pipes, this week it's the lights and the crate of ancient gunpowder. Dean, being skilled at many things, regularly drops by to fix what needs fixing. The two of them are excellent friends, and nothing can come between them - not even the shop's resident myna bird and her highly improper vocabulary, most of which Castiel insists he didn't teach her. Now, skip forward a bit. When Castiel discovers Dean's romantic affections are directed at someone other than him, the support he gives Dean regardless of his own feelings brings plenty of matters to a head. Turns out, the answer to his woes was right under his nose the whole time...

Without Further Ado | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 5807 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Requited Love, Laundry, Hunting, Lists, Epistolary, Everyone Is Alive, Love Confessions, Best Friends, Comfortably Bisexual Dean, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Mutual Pining Summary: Dean discovers a decade-old list in his pocket entitled "Reasons not to be with Cas". Every single reason is irrelevant now. So what's stopping them, exactly?

Wee Little Love Child | @almaasi Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 10649 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Domestic Fluff, Romance, Kid Fic, Schmoop, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Team Free Will, De-Aged Sam Winchester, Cursed Sam, Mistaken for a Couple, Sam Ships Castiel/Dean, Matchmaker Sam, Rowena Ships Castiel/Dean, Matchmaker Rowena, Parent Castiel, Parent Dean, Affectionate Dean, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Sam Walks in on Castiel/Dean Summary: After being magically de-aged, little Sammy is under the impression that Dean and Cas are his parents. He wants to know if they're in love, but they can't (or won't) give a consistent answer. The thing is, they have to grant Sam's greatest wish in order to reverse the curse, but they can only do that as a pair. What does Sam want most? For Dean and Cas to express their true feelings. Aloud. To each other.

He Called Me Honey | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 3247 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, Schmoop, Romance, First Kiss, Flustered Dean, Supportive Sam, Terms of Endearment, Pet Names, Pancakes, Breakfast, Bisexual Dean, Nesting Dean, Angel Castiel, Food as a Metaphor for Love Summary: After having a weird dream in which he kisses Cas, Dean accidentally discusses the matter with Sam over pancakes. (Then Cas shows up. Dean is a flustered mess.)

Note to Self: Cas Loves You | @almaasi Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3404 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Drunk Dean, Bisexual Dean, Caring Castiel, Holding Hands, Love Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Sam Knows, set somewhere around season 4/5 Summary: Dean is not just drunk – he is VERY drunk. Castiel ushers him back to their motel room, completely aware that by the time Dean wakes up tomorrow, he won't remember anything about tonight. What better time for Castiel to confess his love?

The Moonlighter and the Magician | @almaasi Rating: Explicit Word Count: 67259 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Historical, 1920s, Prohibition, Romance, Fluff, Drama, Social Commentary, Slow Burn, Musician Castiel, Thief Castiel, Asexual Castiel, Autistic Castiel, Agender Castiel, Smart Castiel, Musician Dean, Magician Dean, Past Sex Worker Dean, Wanderlust, Neighbors, Friends to Lovers, Sensual Attraction, Sexual Incompatibility, Bath Sex, Bathing/Washing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Newspapers, Happy Ending, Protective Sam Summary: A Dean/Cas 1920s AU. Castiel is a jewel thief, notorious and revered in New York City. For five years he’s been unstoppable, untraceable. Like a bird courting a mate, he brings gifts to his neighbour’s window, hoping to impress the other man with glittering gems. All Castiel wants is to leave and travel the world with Dean. But although Dean’s heart is consumed with yearning for his peculiar friend, after years of being bought and broken by other people, he cannot easily give up the security of home. Can he put all his trust in the man he loves and choose adventure, or will Castiel be forced to fly away alone?

Symbols of Affection | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 4865 Main Tags and Warnings: Romance, Light-Hearted, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Crack, Emojis, Texting, Cupcakes, Sleepy Dean, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Baker Castiel, Elephants, Castiel and Dean in Love, First Kiss Summary: Dean texts Cas a kissy-face emoticon by mistake. However, when he sees Cas' reply, he starts to think maybe it wasn't a mistake after all.

In Which Dean Frogs Up | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 6326 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Canon, Crack, Fluff, Romance, Animal Transformation, True Love's Kiss, Fairy Tale Curses, Moondoor, Oblivious Dean, Dean in Panties, Bisexual Dean, Prince Dean, Prince Castiel (sort of), Coming Out, Charlie Ships It, Oblivious Sam, Love Confessions, First Kiss, set somewhere in season 8 Summary: Dean transforms himself into a frog by mistake, bang in the middle of Charlie's Moondoor tent. Only true love's kiss will put him back to normal. But who the hell is Dean's true love?! Since it's not Charlie or Sam, maybe Cas can shed some light.

Make You Feel My Love | @sternchencas Rating: Explicit Word Count: 24371 Main Tags and Warnings: fluff and smut, mutual pining, tattooed!Cas, music festival Summary: For the first time in his life, Dean has a ticket to the ‘Heaven on Earth Music Festival’ and after enjoying a weekend full of music, fast food, and freaky people, he takes a late night walk over the festival grounds to say goodbye. Little does he know that the weekend is far from over and that fate has a gift for him - a tall, dark, and tattooed gift. Castiel regrets many things in his life, but in the midst of a sea of tents, he makes a choice that leads fate to finally give him a break - a hot, sweet break, in need of an angel.

Love Around The Corner | @sternchencas Rating: General Word Count: 3468 Main Tags and Warnings: librarian!Cas, secret notes, fluff Summary: Castiel works at the library and finds notes hidden in the returned books, addressed to him. Will he find out who's sending them?

Changing Seasons | @mouthwashh Rating: General Word Count: 1792 Main Tags and Warnings: 12x12 Coda, confession, first kiss Summary: And so the hope dies and Dean is left in a desolate kitchen with the resolve that his angel will never show.

Hold onto me, breathe, breathe, you can breathe, you’re not drowning | @60r3d0m Rating: Mature Word Count: 4538 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual Pining, Love Potion/Spell, Love Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: Dean grins. “You don’t wanna try it?” Cas rolls his eyes. “These usually work on first sight, Dean, so unless you want me to fall in love with you, I suggest you put it away.” Dean licks his lips. He watches Cas’ mouth. Then he tucks the love potion into the Gross Stuff drawer and turns away.

Drive, Darling | @goldenboydean Rating: Explicit Word Count: 43782 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual pining, slow burn, bed sharing, homophobic language, john winchester's a+ parenting, bisexual dean winchester Summary: It's the last day of July and the air is thick with heat and road dust. Dean Winchester is waiting for his new lodger, some photographer from Chicago coming down to take pictures of the famous covered bridges in the area. And when Castiel Novak arrives at the Winchester farm both men develop a bond that grows stronger as the days go by. But Cas is only here for a short stay and Dean fears that falling for him would only end in a heartbreak. Some things, however, are inevitable. Summer is in full bloom in Madison County, Iowa. Hot, cloudless and ripe with possibilities.

[buffyversefanfiction]

Felix Fierce (Buffy and Angel Fanfiction) Season 1

Episode 2 - The Intake

Warnings: I do not own or claim to own the original content to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Angel”, the comics or any of the original characters from the “Buffyverse” all rights belong to Joss Whedon.

15 plus, displays of Violence, Gore, Torture and Sexual Innuendos, M/M, F/M, F/F.

Into every generation there was a chosen one until a powerful witch called Willow Rosenberg changed the rules forevermore.

No longer would Buffy Summers stand-alone against the vampires the demons and the forces of darkness.

She was the slayer that changed everything but now it’s his turn.

Felix was training within the backroom turned training room within the Scorching Scorchville store as he continued to punch and kick his punchbag, his hits growing harder and harder as he found himself within flashbacks of his vampire ex before until his last hit made the punchbag come of it’s hook and flew across the room harshly hitting the floor as Trix walked into the room.

“If only that punchbag was a vampire although it looks like you may have been picturing it as one particularly a very recent vampire.” Trix said as she walked over to her slayer. “I guess we’re still dealing with the fallout from that.”

“I was thinking maybe I don’t have to kill him I mean there must be some other way Trix something that doesn’t involve me killing the first guy who ever loved me.” Felix replied to his watcher.

“He’s a vampire you’re a slayer enough explanation needed there.” Trix explained to him. “I get when some people first kill someone they know they find it rather difficult but what you got to remember is Thorn isn’t the man you knew he’s nothing more than a monster who will keep killing people until you stop him.”

“I get that I really do I mean I looked into his eyes and the man was gone nothing left but the monster, but he still has the face of the man I love.” Felix admitted. “I never asked for this gig and I certainly didn’t ask to be the guy hunting down my ex just to dust him.”

“Nobody asks to be a slayer, but they would never be called as one if destiny itself didn’t believe they were fit for the job.” Trix told him.

“I best get ready for my other calling,” Felix said, changing the subject. “The one where I go to a school run by my own father now that’s a whole other level of forces of darkness working to screw my life!”

“Are you always going to be this dramatic?” Trix asked while laughing at the eighteen-year-old boy.

“Always.” Felix admitted.

“Look I’m not saying I knew things were going to end badly but I kind of did.” Bryce told Mercy as the two walked down a busy hallway within Scorchville High.

“Well I liked him so I’m still holding up they wind up back together.” Mercy replied. “Besides Felix has been moody distant and very secretive during their split he’s clearly either missing Thorn or began a top-secret torrid affair.”

“Maybe it’s with a teacher that would explain his A in chemistry.” Bryce guessed as the two stopped at Bryce’s locker.

“Please that’s so cliche he’s probably just trying his hardest to hide heartbreak speaking of which has Malerie spoken to you since New Year’s?” Mercy asked Bryce as he opened his locker and pulled out some schoolbooks.

“We decided we’d see other people or that she did one hour into the party.” Bryce revealed. “Now back to Felix if he was going to have a secret romance who do you reckon would be the prime suspect?”

“God, we need to get you a girlfriend.” Mercy laughed at Bryce before they noticed Rick walking towards them both.

“Weird it looks like Mercy and Bryce, but it seems to be missing their third part of the world’s most unhip throuple.” Rick taunted them.

“Rick do you have nothing better to do than go around school looking the next target of your bitchiness?” Mercy asked her high school nemesis.

“Not really no,” Rick admitted before taking a deep sigh. “I kind of need your help in my history class.”

“No chance in hell.” Mercy cackled.

“My parents said they get me a car if my grades started to improve but turns out studying is incredibly dull and draining so I figured considering you have nothing better to do with your life that you could tutor me.” Rick replied to her.

“You do realize when asking for favors your supposed to not be mean right?” Bryce asked Rick.

“I was being as nice as possible hence my restrain in mentioning your god awful taste in clothing it’s like we get it Bryce Kane you’re a straight but it’s 2020 and even straight guys are expected to style themselves with the light on now.” Rick snapped at Bryce before turning his attention back to Mercy. “I really need your help Mercy.”

“What’s in it for me?” Mercy wondered.

“You get to see my stunning smile after I get my dream car.” Rick said before realizing Mercy wasn’t sold. “I’ll pay you.”

“Now we’re talking.” Mercy replied with a smile as Felix made his way over to them.

“Guys I thought we didn’t play with trolls anymore.” Felix said to Mercy and Bryce while delivering a death glare towards Rick.

“Hey Felix, I heard Thorn finally saw sense and dumped you I guess that means he’s single now I wonder if he’s looking for an upgrade.” Rick replied, winding up Felix.

“By all means Rick please do go out with him in fact take him for a bite to eat.” Felix told him knowing nobody but him knew what he meant.

“Please liked I’d ever date somebody called Thorn it’s almost as bad as Felix don’t worry though Felix, I’m sure you going to be dumped many times in future.” Rick mocked him.

“Rick it’s time for you to beat it before I beat you.” Bryce warned him.

“I could take you.” Rick replied getting up in Bryce’s face.

“Rick stop being a prick and leave before I reconsider helping you.” Mercy threatened her redheaded enemy.

“Very well I’ll see you losers in class.” Rick said before walking away.

“Someone please remind me why we let that bitch breathe?” Felix asked Mercy and Bryce.

“How are things on your front?” Bryce questioned Felix. “Have you heard from Thorn?”

“Exes don’t tend to talk.” Felix snapped before realizing he was being harsh. “Sorry it’s been rough.”

“Yeah we figured since you’ve been avoiding us.” Mercy replied.

“I’ve not been avoiding I started working at Scorching Scorchville.” Felix lied. “And trust me when I say the job isn’t pretty.”

“What? No fair I should get to work with the Lance lady.” Mercy moaned.

“So, what inspired this sudden need for getting a job?” Mercy asked Felix as they studied at a desk within the Scorchville High Library.

“Needed a job got a job now I work that job.” Felix replied.

“Okay what’s with this distant and secretive attitude suddenly have Bryce and I done something to piss you off?” Mercy wondered.

“No, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be secretive it’s just my life has kind of got complicated lately and I can’t really explain it.” Felix apologised to his best friend.

“So, what you’re not telling me has it got something to do with how you and Thorn really broke up?” Mercy questioned him.

“Yeah.” Felix admitted.

“Okay you deal with your hangover whatever way you want to but try to remember we’re here and not going anywhere.” Mercy promised.

“Thanks, I love you.” Felix replied.

“I love your shady secretive ass too.” Mercy declared.

“I just hate having to lie to them I mean you said that slayer told her friends the one who changed practically everything so why can’t I tell them?” Felix asked his watcher as they walked down a shady looking street within Scorchville.

“Here I never said you can’t tell anyone we don’t live by the old rules of the watcher’s council anymore I simply said don’t be getting any troublesome teens under my feet because I may just squash them if they become too much of an annoyance.” Trix replied before the two stopped outside a boarded up and run-down house. “Sure, looks like a vampire’s nest.”

“I get their undead and everything but being house proud doesn’t have to die just because you do.” Felix said as he pulled out a wooden stake from his jacket, walked over to the door and kicked it down. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Remember light is your friend right now try to get as much of it in there before you start staking everyone.” Trix shouted as Felix walked into the run-down home.

“Felix isn’t home…again.” Fyre said after opening her front door to find Mercy and Bryce on her doorstep.

“He’s working already, when does he finish?” Bryce asked Felix’s sister.

“Felix doesn’t have a job dad would never allow it he’s archaic in the sense he thinks we should be all school even when we’re not there and fitting in a job between studying is just too radical for the old man.” Fyre scoffed. “He’s just been spending a lot of time with the boyfriend lately.”

“Thorn and Felix broke up weeks ago.” Mercy revealed to her.

“I did wonder why he never showed up for New Year’s Dinner,” Fyre admitted to them both. “So, he’s hiding his breakup to hide his job that makes no sense unless there’s something else he’s hiding.”

“Okay I’m really beginning to think there is another guy on the scene.” Bryce admitted.

“Wouldn’t you guys be the first people to know about that?” Fyre asked Mercy and Bryce. “It’s got to be something juicier than that like an addiction or escorting.”

“I think we’d know if he was having addiction problems and Felix is way too much a romantic to make people pay for escorting services.” Mercy told Fyre before turning to look at Bryce. “What if he’s seeing someone we don’t like?”

“Rick Star,” Fyre guessed. “They two were way too close before they became bitter rivals maybe they’re hooking up and that’s why he dumped Thorn. Nah, that would make no sense because one of us would’ve heard from Thorn by now.”

“True.” Mercy agreed. “Why haven’t we heard or seen Thorn since the breakup?”

“Okay consider myself intrigued I say we go to Thorn’s house and interrogate him until we find out what the hell’s going on.” Fyre said as she walked onto the doorstep closing her door behind her.

“We should probably respect Felix’s privacy.” Mercy reluctantly suggested. “He won’t be happy with us.”

“He’s never happy with me anyway so I’ll go do the snooping.” Fyre said, volunteering herself.

“Well see you’re the bad cop and interrogations also need a good cop.” Bryce replied. “I better come with you to complete the dynamic duo.”

“If you two are going to go I guess I’ll have to follow suit you know for damage control or whatever story Felix will buy.” Mercy decided.

“What took you so bloody long?” Trix asked Felix after he walked out of the rundown house covered in dust with his clothes stained with blood that wasn’t his.

“It was like a very violent game of hide and seek with the undead.” Felix replied as he walked over to the watcher. “Add a little bit of light and they act like hairy assed children.”

“Thankfully your done now,” Trix said while looking up in the sky towards the sunset “As we don’t have much daylight left.”

“I guess this means you want me to go patrolling at the local cemeteries and other vampire hot spots.” Felix guessed correctly. “I’ll go home and change soon don’t ask me how I’m going to explain blood stained clothes to my father but I’m sure I’ll come up with something.”

“Speaking of patrolling have you seen the vampire ex since that night?” Trix asked her slayer.

“Thankfully that’s a big fat no!” Felix revealed.

“Have you check in on his relatives and friends they tend to be the vampire’s main targets after first turning?” Trix questioned him.

“No but that kind of information would’ve been useful when he first turned now, I’ve got to go check up on if my ex killed his parents.” Felix moaned. “I’m sure that won’t be awkward either they’ve not seen or heard their son in weeks or I’m about to find their dead bodies and considering I’ve not heard from them or the police I’m going to go with death bodies.”

“On the bright side at least, you won’t have to make awkward small talk.” Trix replied.

“Aren’t you supposed to care more?” Felix asked her.

“Being a watcher is simply just a job for me as is running Scorching Scorchville although one definitely pays better than the other caring about people makes it too personal and why bother when your shelf life is as short as a dog’s.” Trix admitted. “Don’t get me wrong you’re a great kid and I expect we’re going to do great thing’s together but I’m not going to tear up because some people I don’t even know are dead.”

“Oh well here goes nothing.” Fyre said as her, Bryce and Mercy stood in front of Thorn’s front door as day was now night, before Fyre knocked on the door only for it to open by itself.

“Hello!” Bryce shouted into the house only to hear no response.

“I mean is it really breaking and entering if the place is open?” Fyre asked Mercy and Bryce.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure it is.” Mercy replied. “However, if there’s a computer, tablet, laptop or even a phone left inside to have a quick look at searching history nobody would even have to know we were snooping.”

“Providing we don’t get caught and end up in jail.” Bryce told them, clearly uncertain of what they were about to do next.

“It’s Scorchville County Jail how bad could it really be.” Fyre scoffed before walking into the house, Bryce and Mercy quickly following her in.

“Has Thorn’s house always been this spooky or am I just being para?” Bryce asked to no answer as the three of them walked into the living room of Thorn’s family home only to be left terrified by Thorn’s parents’ lifeless and bloodied bodies lying on the floor with the entire room covered in their blood.

“Okay I’m beginning to think we should stop snooping now.” Mercy said to them both before turning around only for all three of them to scream to see Thorn now standing in front of them.

“Thorn what the hell happened here?” Fyre asked her brother’s ex-boyfriend. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry about your parents.”

“Don’t be sorry after all I’m the one who killed them.” Thorn laughed before turning his face into vampire mode. “But it’s okay as you guys are next.”

Fyre, Bryce and Mercy stood there frozen by their fear until Felix came smashing through the window shattering the glass in the process as he landed on both feet once more and quickly put himself in front of his friends and sister, protecting them from his vampiric ex.

“I told you guys not to snoop!” Felix snapped at Fyre, Bryce and Mercy before turning his attention to Thorn. “You really aren’t the same person anymore.”

“I’m not even a person.” Thorn cackled before charging towards Felix who quickly swung his fist and punched the vampire in the face before delivering several more punches and jumping mid air to kick him in the face sending the vampire flying into the hallway and crashing onto the floor.

“Okay Felix what the bloody hell is going on?” Fyre screamed in both fear and confusion.

“Thorn’s a vampire now and I’m a slayer.” Felix answered his sister before running into the hallway to find Thorn had vanish. “Damn it I guess dusting that vamp will have to wait for another night.”

“What exactly is a slayer?” Bryce asked as he, Mercy and Fyre followed Felix into the hallway. “And how long have you known your boyfriend was a vampire.”

“Since New Year’s which is also when I learned about the slayer business it’s been a whole thing.” Felix replied.

“This is so not what I was expecting your secret to be why can’t you just be sleeping with a teacher or god even Rick Star.” Mercy complained to Felix.

“Rick Star?” Felix laughed.

“So, vampires’ demons and the forces of darkness really do exist.” Bryce said in shock while he, Mercy and Felix sat at the end of Felix’s bed.

“And slayers, witches, werewolves the lot.” Felix replied.

“Kind of makes sense what doesn’t make sense though is Thorn killing his own parents.” Mercy admitted to them both.

“I know,” Felix said with a sad tone in his voice. “But he has no soul anymore he’s just a bloodthirsty monster that sooner or later I’m going to have to put down.”

“Why has it got to be you?” Mercy asked him.

“Because I’m the slayer albeit not the only slayer in the world but the only slayer in this town and it’s up to me to protect my home.” Felix answered. “Besides despite hunting my ex being the slayer kind of feels right like it’s what I’m supposed to be doing which my watcher Trix says plays into that whole destiny part of being a slayer.”

“Hold up so Trix Lance the owner of Scorching Scorchville is in on all this too?” Mercy said with excitement. “I knew she was awesome from the first time I saw her, but this is a whole new level of wacky.”

“Yeah,” Felix laughed.

“So, you’re the slayer, we’re friends of the slayer and your ex is a vampire.” Bryce told Felix. “Where do we go from here?”

A few hours passed and Bryce and Mercy eventually went home after full out interrogating Felix about all things slayer related and Felix found himself sitting on his bed by himself looking through the photos of him and Thorn deleting them one by one as tears began forming in his eyes till he heard a knock at the door.

“I’m just going to bed!” He shouted before Fyre walked in. “Look I’m all talked out about slayer stuff I’ll fill you in come morning.”

“It’s okay I’ve watched enough horrors to get the rough idea of what’s going down and the rest I’ll either google or hit you up for later.” Fyre replied to her older brother as she walked across his room to sit down next to Felix. “I’m here to check up on you I know you loved him.”

“I really did.” Felix cried. “But I’ll be okay.”

“I know you will.” Fyre said before giving her brother a hug. “But for now, it’s okay to not be okay.”

[the--sad--hatter]

Name Changing (4)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU, X-MEN, DEADPOOL

PAIRING - BUCKY X READER (female reader, no physical descriptions)

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION -  Sequel to Name Calling

After merging with your bloodthirsty alternate personality things start getting a little dicey. You’ve got two decades worth of anger to sort through, a feral mutation to figure out how to live with, a biological father who you hate trying to teach you control and if your wedding planner suggests teal for the bridesmaids again you might just eat her liver.

Luckily you have Bucky Barnes by your side, helping you figure things out. What Bucky doesn’t know is that you have found an outlet for the uncontrollable rage, one that absolutely nobody can know about. If your friends and family knew that you were out slaughtering people in the dead of night while they slept, they might be a little annoyed. Wade Wilson is happy to keep your secret though, so long as you keep bribing him with Mexican food.

For as long as you could remember, all you had wanted was to be good. Now you’re seeing the temptation in the darkness.

                                         A Stark Reminder

                       Read the Exclusive Interview with Deathwave

                      Interview conducted and written by Kara M Pierce

Since her very public debut as the long lost daughter of Tony Stark, she has been the subject of much curiosity. Her story is a dark one, yet it’s also one filled with hope.

It quickly came to light that Miss Stark was far more than she first appeared and while she is in fact Tony Starks daughter, it is not by blood. Though after just a few minutes in her presence I am wondering if that is true. She exudes the same confidence and charm as her father, not to mention the same sharp wit. Having interviewed Mr Stark in the past I can confirm that both Starks harbour the same respect and fear for Pepper Potts as one look from the CEO can make either Stark fall into line.

Thank you so much for agreeing to sit down with me today Miss Stark.

Bold of you to assume I had any choice.

Thank you so much for convincing her to sit down with me today Mrs Potts.

She’s very happy to be here.

I imagine you are quite busy, does being Deathwave take up a lot of your time?

It does but apparently the bad guys have no concept of acceptable work hours. Someone should really start a labour union for them or something.

What’s it like being an Avenger and is it different from being a secret Avenger?

I used to just have to deal with Hydra and Vernichtung agents attacking me, now I have paparazzi as well but apparently I’m not allowed to blast them into smithereens.

Other than that, it’s not actually very different. Not having to wear the mask makes it a little easier, that thing was kinda warm.

How well do you get along with the other Avengers?

Sam Wilson, The Falcon is my best friend. When I first arrived at the compound he sort of took me under his wing. Sam is an excellent cook and he loves feeding people He’s also a great listener, he really cares about what you have to say and if you need advice he’ll do his best to give it to you but he knows when you just need to vent.

Plus have you seen the muscles on that man? Who doesn’t want to cry on those shoulders?

It sounds like you’re writing a dating profile for him. Are you trying to get him a date Miss Stark?

No... Maybe. Not that he needs my help, the man is handsome, charming, has the thighs of a god and is a superhero. He's also single. Just saying.

What about the other Avengers, are you close with them?

Well I am engaged to one so yes? We’re a family, all of us. I trust them with my life and they trust me with theirs. When we’re out there in the field our lives and the lives of the people we are fighting to protect rests in each others hands. That tends to form some close bonds.

So does that mean you’re close with Loki, the man who once led an attempted invasion?

Yes, I am. Loki was not responsible for that, and despite being controlled he managed to manipulate events so he would lose the battle of New York. He did the best he could with limited control of his own mind.

Loki was instrumental in helping me defeat Docherty, he helped us win the Second Battle of New York. He’s a hero, an Avenger and a friend and anyone who says otherwise can take it up with me personally. I’ll be happy to educate them on the difference between a hero and a villain.

You seem to have a protective streak, not just for those you know personally.

Was there a question in there?

I was wondering where that protectiveness comes from?

My father. He protected me. And I owe it to the world to follow in his example. He made a lot of mistakes along the way to becoming the hero he is today and he owns up to them and not only learned from them, encourages me to learn from them as well.

Speaking of your father, there’s been much speculation about your biological family.

Are you referring to the rumors that were leaked about Docherty being my grandfather?

Yes, those rumors have been circulating. Is there any truth to them?

Yes.

Would you like to elaborate on that?

Not particularly. Biologically, I was his granddaughter. He was evil, I stopped him. End of story.

What about the rest of your biological family? Do you have any desire to know about them?

What makes you think I don’t already know? My mother is dead, Docherty killed her. My father didn't know I existed until recently and he... he and I are working through our issues but that’s a private matter.  If his identity comes to light at any point I just wanted people to know he didn't know about me or Docherty. It wasn't his fault.

That’s fair. Onto happier subjects Miss Stark, you won’t be Miss Stark for much longer. Are you excited?

You’d assume I was excited about my upcoming nuptials or I wouldn't be getting married would I?And the Stark name was the greatest gift I ever got, I’m not giving it up. I’ll be Mrs Stark-Barnes.

How did the romance between you and Sargent Barnes happen? Who made the first move?

(Miss Stark is trying to contain a laugh at this point, Mrs. Potts giving her a warning look.)

He made the first move. He followed me about for months, begging me for a chance. It was getting quite sad so I took pity on him.

What about the photo’s that appeared to show you on a date with Captain Rogers?

Well, Cap was my first love but he’s too good, too pure. I had to downgrade.

So you settled for Sargent Barnes?

(The laughter dies and the expression on Miss Starks face is one of love and conviction, it is clear her feelings for Sargent Barnes are very real and very powerful.)

James is the only man I have ever wanted to be with and the only man I ever want to be with. He’s my partner in every way, he supports me even when he doesn’t like what I’m doing, he challenges me when I’m being an idiot, he forgives me when I mess up, he holds my head above water when I’m drowning. He is the love of my life I know how lucky I am that I get to spend the rest of my life returning his love.

What about the blurred photographs that appear to show you in the company of the Vigilante and Mercenary known as Deadpool?

Deadpool is a menace to society. It is my personal mission to hunt him down and give him exactly what he deserves.

Quite a turn around from the woman who once refused to sign The Sokovia Accords.

My refusal to sign wasn’t about the accords themselves but rather the way they were being used. Secretary Ross is a slimy rat and I would never cow to his perceived authority. (There is a short argument between Mrs. Potts and Miss Stark but Miss Stark insists we can print her opinion on Secretary Ross, though it must be noted that the opinion of the interviewee do not necessarily represent the views of this publication.)

Colonel Rhodes is a man who knows the value of bureaucracy and the importance of the accords and balances it with the public's need for protection. The Sokovia Accords are no longer used as a power play but are in place to protect the people who signed as well as holding them accountable for their actions.

It’s at this point in the interview I informed Miss Stark I had some fan questions that had been sent in and she immediately perked up.

I like the fans, they’re just normal people who like me for some reason. It’s always strange when they come up to me and ask for a selfie or an autograph but it’s inspiring. Hopeful. It reminds me that there’s a world out there that I get to help protect.

From Jess on Ao3: How did you decide that you wanted to be good, despite the evils you’ve encountered?

I decided I wanted to be good because of the evils I encountered. My earliest memories are of cruelty and you’d think growing up that way might have given me a twisted sense of morality but I knew the way I felt was horrible and I didn't ever want to be the reason somebody else felt that way. There was a guard when I was really young, he slipped me chocolate through the bars of my cell. He was killed for it when they found out. That's how I knew they were evil, even if I didn’t know the word. And I knew I didn't want to be that way.

TaraStudiesaLot: Are you are interested in any art form? Photography, painting, film or music? Like, does do enjoy any of these or are they still foreign to you?

Steve tried to get me into art but I’m more made to appreciate it than make it.

I like to take pictures though, nothing special, just little moments from life. I like being able to look back at the photo’s, they help ground me and remind me of the good things I have in my life.

Phoenix-whiskey-Tears: What kind of music are you into?

I hadn’t even been out of the cage for a full day before my dad introduced me to AC/DC. So I kind of associate 80’s rock with freedom I guess? I’m also partial to big band music from the 40’s. (It should be noted that at this point, Miss Stark is doing her best to hide her blush.)

Firefly-in-darkness: I wanna know more of your habits and little simple things like your favorite colour, movies, books, etc?

Red. My favorite colour is red. The Iron Suit was red, red is the colour of freedom, of salvation, justice.

Books and movies? I don’t have favorites per se, it’s still exciting and thrilling to see and read them, even bad ones.

HoneyBadger: What advice would you give to abuse survivors? And do you think you’d ever take on a protege or sidekick?

Well first of all, I have a sidekick. Bucky Barnes.

To abuse survivors I would say this, you already did the hard part. You survived. You are already winning that battle by fighting it and I know it’s a long battle, one you’ll be fighting every day for the rest of your life. That thought is depressing and exhausting and overwhelming.

But it’s worth it. The world is still out there waiting for you, use the pain you have experienced to see the world differently. See the beauty in the mundane and normal because after your suffering you deserve every single tiny bit of happiness and calm you can grasp.

What happened to you shaped you yes, but it does not define you. You are so much more than what they did to you. Their evil does not leave a stain on you and your future is not dictated by your past.

You’re warriors, Kings and Queens who deserve so much more than life gave you. Life and people can be cruel and it’s up to you now, to take what you deserve from the world. Be amazing, you’ve already proven you have it in you. Support one another, hold each other up and never ever forget that we are a thousand times better than those who tried to put us down.

Pydia Packmaster: What keeps you going despite everything you have been through?

Life goes on, the world keeps turning. And everything I endured can be used to help me make sure others don’t have to go through the same thing.

All the bad things that happened to me are being used as a force for good now. Like I once said, I was created to end the world but I’m going to save it.

Beansy: if you had the ability to change anything in your past, what would it be and would you?

I wish I had known I had a mother, maybe I could have saved her before it was too late. Maybe I could have known her. But what’s done is done. My whole life I didn’t even dare to imagine that I would have a future but now I do and I won’t waste it by living in the past.

ToastLuvr: If you could choose an actress to play you in a movie who would it be?

Jack Black. Next question.

BuckityBarnes: Who’s your Avengers Crush?

Black Widow... Obviously. If Nat would have me I’d drop Bucky in a heartbeat. Have you seen that thing she does with her thighs? That’s how I wanna die.

Sitting down with Deathwave was just as inspiring as I had expected. Since the details of her past were revealed to the world she has become a symbol of hope to people everywhere. She is a hero, of that there is no doubt but what truly makes her an inspiration is the fact that she reminds us all of what we can be.

Who you are and where you came from doesn’t decide where you are going to go. That choice is up to you and you alone. No matter the challenges you face in life, big or small, they can be overcome.

Setback only set you back, they don’t stop you. People will stand in your way but they can be moved. You are the hero of your own story.

We are all the heroes of our own stories.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

AUTHORS NOTE

This was mostly fun to write but there is a lot of of it that came directly from my heart. I’ve made no secret about how Docherty was based on real people who hurt me so the advice Baby Stark gives to abuse survivors is what I would say to those of you who it applies to and I mean every fucking word. 

If you are or were in a situation of abuse, be it mental, physical, sexual or other then please consider my inbox a safe space to talk if you ever need it. 

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