#doof is on fire

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Dr. Doofenmirtz after hearing Stolas's backstory.

Doof: That's it. That's your emotional scarring backstory. That's your great tragedy. Dude, I got couple of back stories for you.

During my childhood years, my father forced me to be the family lawn gnome which I wasn't allowed to move, my father brought home an hound puppy he named it "Only Son", my mother forced me to wear girl clothes because she wanted a daughter but got my brother, Roger, who by the way was my mother's favorite boy, even by my parents' punishment, I was disowned and was raised by central Americans wild cats known as ocelots, neither of them showed up for my birth and your problem with your father is that he barely knows you.

Don't have any friends, ha, my first friend was a balloon named Balloony which I unfortunately lost, had no friends to come to birthday party, only the bats that ravaged my birthday cake on that cold dead night.

And don't get me started on my love life. My first love who loved my hand shadow puppet was fell harder to a boy hanz with huge hands, he was called Huge Hands Hanz, his puppeteers was garbage but it was good enough for her. Next was Lindana which our date didn't work out so well and later became pop star, Elizabeth who had a obsession with whales, made a whale translation-inator for her to speak to whales and she left me for that trash talking whale, found someone who was evil as me and accidentally got hit by a de-love-inator which was probably my fault, and Charlene who is my ex wife, the reason why we separated because we wanted different things and also because of my sock puppet, Mr Tomato.

I will admit, I'm not the best dad, not sure if I am even a good dad either but at least I trying to be one. Sure I can be embarrassment to my daughter and I don't have a good relationship with my robotic assistant Norm but I'm trying. I want to be in my daughter's life. The fact you say you her dad but you don't even make time for your little girl is insulting.

You're a disappointment.

🔥

[pnfc]

they do such a nice job with perry's emoting in these, he gets to express so much

[sunflower-chai]

so you know how we have the phrase “brownie points” from the brownie girl scouts? since the fireside girls are the pnf equivalent to girl scouts, do you think they have their own version of the phrase? lil’ spark points? (cause the lil’ sparks are the younger fireside girls)

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

phineas and ferb episode that is rated pg13 so they are allowed one f-bomb. candace keeps trying to find the perfect situation to use it but every time she tries she gets interrupted or drowned out by a comically loud horn. meanwhile doofenshmirtz has made the censor-inator because now that they're pg13 he's convinced that vanessa doesnt know any swear words (she knows all of them) and that she'll explode if she hears someone say "shit" so he wants to make the entire tri-state area child-friendly. he flies it over danville in his official blimp and a one-off joke is that his laser hits a rated r movie that's a clear parody of the human centipede or someshit and it turns into a barney-the-dinosaur-ass psa. at the last second perry destroys the inator and knocks it out of the blimp and it fires off one more laser that censors out phineas and ferb's invention before mom can get home. candace tries to finally drop her one-allowed cuss but her voice has given out. perry comes back and makes a little platypus noise (all of those have been swear words the whole time but because nobody speaks platypus nobody notices) and then part of doof's machine crashes into the house (candace is in charge) and ferb says "what the fuck"

[couldtheycatchkira]

350 Follower Special

Scenario:

Candace Flynn manages to catch Kira in the act of murdering someone. She declares that Kira is sooooo busted and runs off to tell her mother. Kira attempts to figure out Candace's full name in the time that she's gone. Candace manages to find her mother in the middle of taking an elephant painting course (taught by real elephants), and makes a truncated account of what she witnessed, which makes it very confusing. Linda instead has her take the place of an elephant model that got human flu. In the meantime, Agent P and Dr. Doofenshmirtz are battling it out because Doof has invented a death ray whose ostensible purpose is to target "journalists" and transport them to the Dominican Republic, but for some reason it only targets people who journal. This is somehow linked to Heinz having to read his own diary at the Drusselstein Elementary School. Due to a convenient series of events involving a giant novelty soda drink hat, the ray is fired off-course before it self-destructs, and it impacts Kira and transports him away from the Death Note before he can finish writing Candace's name. Candace drags her mom through the door only to find that Kira is missing. She then picks up the Death Note and runs after her mom, but she trips and drops the Death Note in an elephant-sized can of paint, temporarily ruining the Death Note beyond repair. Ryuk appears to her regardless and addresses her as Kevin.

[thunder-wolf64]

Heyy! If your not busy could you draw qibli x winter? If not that's fine, drawing dragons is hard! Also hello fellow qinter shipper!!!

heheheheh QINTER. Oh man, I remember in middle school I would analyze every scene where the two of them interacted to add fuel to my gay dragons fire. Moon, sorry, these doofs are together now, go chill with Kinkajou

Qibli lives to embarrass Winter, and Winter is cautious of his public opinion- so he has to make sure dragons around him don't drag his reputation down. But Qibli has his own plans >:3

[writeslikeanaria]

Can you please write an omi fic of him losing his v card with mc (But make it realistic like an adorable bumbling doof? Mistakes, miscommunications, giggling, bashfulness) XD

These HL boys are becoming far too suave for my liking lately lmfao!

Xxxx love your writing btw

virgins do a standup special

ominis gaunt x reader

summary: two sassy kids have private fun time for the first time ever. or, author has way to much fun writing dumb shit. (i spiraled. i'm sorry. but thank you for requesting!!! and thank you for enjoying my writing!!! i'll do more of it i promise.)

word count: 1.9k+

warnings: SMUT, author went wild, first time woohoo, oral!m recieving, reader needs to self pleasure badly, bad attempts at comedy, p in v,

requests open! request here :) (i normally write better than this is swear)

Celibacy didn't look the best on you.

Staring at your reflection, you followed you tired eyes back and forth, drained from the restless night you had just slept. Hours spent, holed up in your hot bed, sleeping next to your quiet boyfriend, as you tried desperately to not shove your finger down your panties.

This night was no different. It was just past two in the morning and your mind had yet to drift into slumber. The crackling of the gentile fireplace and the hum of the sea breeze outside had not worked their magic to soothe you to sleep. Ominis, on the other hand, bless his heart, was out like light, sleeping like the Inferi. Sometimes, you had to place the pads of your fingers to his pulse point to even check if he was still breathing. Yet, he was, his breath puffing from his soft lips in small doses, his clothed chest rising and falling with his rhythmic heart song. You longed for that type of peace.

Instead, a fire roared inside of you. Sweat drowned your forehead as you glanced at yourself in the mirror beside his bed. It was full length, allowing you to see both yourself and you sleeping boyfriend behind you. Except, every time you would stare at you boyfriend, the fire would ablaze. Everything Ominis would do was like tinder. You pouted at yourself, ignoring the waterfall between your legs.

You were being courteous, is what you told yourself. Six months of dating and nothing more than your tongue deep inside his mouth. You were fine with it – really, you were – but you wished you could just progress past Ominis' gentleman hands, and onto the more animalistic side of him.

Too busy staring at yourself, you hadn't even noticed the stirring figure behind you, waking from his sleeping beauty rest. Humming deeply, Ominis rolled over, wrapping his arm around your sitting hips. He coughed softly to break in his sleepy timbre. "What are you doing?"

Not even fazed nor startled at Ominis' tough or voice, you sighed in response, shrugging your shoulders defeatedly. "Just thinking. Go back to sleep. You need your beauty sleep, Prince Charming."

Ominis snorted at your joke, but scooted closer to you, until his head was resting in your lap, breath fanning over your bare thigh, barely anything keeping his face from your most exclusive area. He rubbed his cheek against your soft skin lovingly, before pressing his lips gently to the tops of your thighs.

"Talk to me. Maybe it'll put me back to sleep." Ominis spoke, voice still not fully warmed up. After a pause in the conversation where you couldn't reply, Ominis piped up again. "I want to hear your thoughts."

You lifted your hand to his hair, and stroked the blond locks in an attempt to slow your racing mind. Biting your lip, you felt the guilt rush up your body. Lowering your head, ashamed, your voice came out in a mere whisper.

"I want you."

Ominis lifted his head slightly, life rattling under his skin. His lips turned into a confused frown, eyebrows knitted together into a stout line. "I'm right here? Do you think I'm leavi–"

"No." You stopped his words, before letting out another sigh. "I want you. In a sexual context." You weren't sure if your words were clear enough, so you spoke again. "I'm horny."

Still having not replied, Ominis stayed still, tongue slightly poking out of his mouth as he remained deep in thought. The wait was killing you as your boyfriend stayed quiet, the only time where his silence wasn't endearing, but exceedingly frustrating, considering the rainforest coming into season on the flesh side of your panties.

"Please say someth–"

"I'm a virgin."

"I know. I'm your girlfriend. We share these things." You snapped, not in a harsh way, but in a way where Ominis knew that you weren't truly upset with him. Biting your tongue, you restarted your speech. "I'm sorry. What I meant to say was, I know, but, sometimes I have needs. And I recognise that you may not want to sleep with me, and I fully respect that. I love consent, big fan. Some might even call me a consent groupie, but on top of that, I just need to let some inhibitions go occasionally."

"Wait a second–"

You did not, in fact, wait a second. "You know, when you woke up, I was actually staring into this mirror, trying to decide what the etiquette around masturbating next to your boyfriend was. I was a couple minutes around from taking myself to pleasure-smeade and praying that you'd stay asleep. Or maybe I should've gone to the bathroom."

"Hold on–"

You didn't hold on. "It's just that I don't like masturbating in bathrooms. It's way too cold, and I have this fear of the tap just turning on and a ghost walking in, or even just someone rattling the door nob–"

Ominis bit into your thigh to shut you up. You yelped in response, smacking your hand over your mouth to stop any more surprise noises from escaping your throat. You grind your teeth together. "What the hell was that for?"

"I'm trying to tell you that you don't have to pleasure yourself next to me." Ominis hissed back at you. "I would be very happy to," his voice dropped low, to almost a whisper, "make love to you."

You stared at your boyfriend, your polite, bashful boyfriend, whose face was now a lovely scarlet, long eyelashes downturned as his words come out like the crudest word someone could think of. You smirk.

Leaning down, you sink yourself off the bed, and onto your knees in front of Ominis, kneecaps hitting the hard, cold floors beneath you. You knew he couldn't see you, but you stared into his eyes anyway. "I'll give you a blowjob if you can say the word 'sex'."

The scarlet crossfaded into burgundy. Ominis let out a small gasp, before placing his hands over his ears and whispering out into the world, "sex."

You laughed, leaning up to place your lips against his, pressing as much love as you could muster through the emotion in your kiss, but you were unable to stop the giggles from coming out. As you both laughed your way through your pash, your nimble fingers made their way to Ominis' pant's waistband, flicking at the fabric, until your impatience wore down to the thinnest layer of the earth. Tapping your fingers at his waist, you encouraged Ominis to stand up slightly, so you could shimmy the rest of his pant down his leg, revealing his briefs, with a very strained cock protruding from it. A very large cock aswell.

"How the hell am I supposed to fit that into my mouth?"

Ominis furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would I know? It's your mouth, isn't it?"

You pinched his thigh. "But have you seen the size of it?"

"No. There's many things I haven't seen."

Ignoring his cheek, you slowly roll down his briefs to reveal the mammoth you were so afraid of. It was longy, veiny, with moles covering it's ivory length. You squeezed it experimentally and relished as Ominis let out a long hiss of approval.

Meekly, you let your hands wander the length of his cock, mesmerised by it's very being. "I've never actually seen one of these upclose before, only in those muggle education books we have in the library. It's actually different from what I imagined." You licked from base to tip and hum and the texture. Ominis' thighs tensed. "I thought it would be more, rock like, but it's reminding me of... soft rubber."

Ominis let out a throaty gasp as you alternated from stroking, licking, and just straight up babbling about his cock. "You know, darling, it is just skin and muscle, I thought you would know th–"

He was speaking too much. Deepthroating your boyfriend, you watched as his entire face contorted, hands reaching into your hair, and lacing his fingers into your locks. You didn't mind the pressure, slowly lifting yourself off the cock, and then back down again, catching a rhythm.

You stopped running your mouth and focused on giving Ominis the pleasure he deserved. Through sloppy and wet noises, your lips suctioned around his member, tongue gliding over the ridges of his cock. Humming occasionally at the salty taste oozing from the tip, you watched out for all the signs that Ominis was enjoying this as much as you.

His head was thrown back, eyes closed, as sweat enclosed his neck and collarbone. His teeth had pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and refused to let go, blood cracking from the skin. The fingers in your hair had not relenting, staying firmly in place as you worked your magic, which is how Ominis so easily lifted your head off of his cock after a short while.

You fake pouted. "I was actually enjoying myself."

Ominis snorted. "You sounded so lewd that I thought that you might've been replaced with a whore."

You slapped Ominis' dick in response. "You know, if I wasn't so horny right now, I would've taken offence to that comment."

Pulling you upwards, you met Ominis' lips once more, adjusting yourself so you could sit in his lap. Grinding down on his exposed crotch, you let out a moan, right in Ominis' ear, just so he wouldn't miss it, or mistake you for someone who wasn't so ridiculously turned on right now.

"I want to put my penis inside you now." Well, that was direct. You let your head fall into the crook of his shoulder, trying to stop your laughter from deterring him. "I would like that very much."

Satisfied with your answer, Ominis hoisted you up my the butt, and laid you down on the bed, spreading your legs seductively, and sitting between them. His warm hands rubbed soothing circles on your thighs as his brain tried to figure out what to do next.

You cocked your head. "Would you like me to remove my panties?"

"Oh," Ominis' eyebrows raised. "Only if you don't mind."

Rolling your eyes, you pulled your panties down your legs, throwing them off to the side and resettling yourself on the bed. You should've felt more exposed, completely bare and presenting your pussy like a modern piece of art, but Ominis made you feel so unbelievably safe. You smiled at him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to see, but not caring anyway.

"Gotta find the hole..." Ominis brought his fingers up to your unmentionables and starting rubbing around until he found a hole. Unsure, he bit his lip out of confusion. "Its... tighter than what I was expecting." Beat. "And drier."

"Ominis, that's my anus."

"I was just kidding..." He wasn't.

Fixing his hand placement, Ominis tried again, fingering your cunt with the dexterity and delicacy of a moose being told that he has to cook, and not really knowing how to, because it's a moose.

When he was sure he had found the right hole, he gripped onto his cock, and lined it up to your entrance. "Are you ready?"

You nodded.

"By the sound of the rustling pillow, I'm going to assume you nodded." Ominis slowly started entering you, both of you letting out harmonious moans over each other. The pleasure was almost too good as Ominis thrusted in again and hit that perfect spot and–

"Unghhh...!"

Came with six seconds.

____

i'm so sorry for whatever the hell this is i'm actually so tired and out of it but i hope you enjoy this. i love writing i love words i love metaphors i am a god.

[ethannku]

since i said that nico would have a travel youtube vlog here is

what kind of youtube channel PJO characters would have!!

percy jackson - even for the purpose of this post i can’t imagine him having a youtube i’m so sorry he’s the most anti-social media kid ever

annabeth chase - book reviews, book recs, book analysis. do i even need to explain why.

jason grace - this doof posts study content, but whenever he’s in other videos he’s so unhinged that his subscribers are a little concerned for him and are convinced his youtube personality is a front

leo valdez - he sets shit on fire. you know those videos where they boil iphones? that’s him

hazel levesque - asmr!!!!!! crystals!!!!!!!!! auras!!!! tarot readings and shit!!!!!

frank zhang - also asmr but its the no face no voice kind. none of his viewers know what he looks like. people thirst over his hands anyway

piper mclean - y’all are expecting me to say beauty content. BUT!! she posts movie reactions. everyone asks for her skincare routine and hair routine in every video, so she gets her beauty influencing done that way <3 (if you guys watch trin lovell, piper would make content similar to her)

will solace - farm content. don’t ask me what that means, i don’t know. he just makes content about farms.

[pftones3482]

Doofenshmirtz and Candace are the same character here's my proof:

Neurodivergent as hell

Wants to be in charge (Doof of the world, Candace of her brothers)

Has sibling(s) that they believe outshine them and they believe people like more than them

Have an outside force constantly getting in the way of their plans (Perry for Doof, "mysterious force" [lol Doof] for Candace)

Both have a voice of reason that they usually ignore (but also sometimes those voices of reason kind of feed the fire lol) (Vanessa and Stacy)

Irritated by Perry (but not actually)

Just oodles of self doubt

Actually really intelligent but people judge them based on appearance and personality

Plans only work out in the most insane of scenarios

[mammalsofaction]

Reading KissingLizard's fic Let's All Assume the Worst and am overcome with another Perryshmiertz fic idea bc I have no self control, obviously.

Basically, premise takes place after Doof 101; he's quit evil and Human!Perry isn't his nemesis anymore. It comes with the iconic actualism crisis: Perry's happy for Doof, and he's happy they aren't bound by the rules of a nemesis-ship anymore. On the other hand, they are no longer obligated to see each other, and Perry's back on the free agent's field. He doesn't know how to approach asking to stay, and Heinz doesn't know how to ask Perry to stay either. They're trapped in this will-they-won't-they bc that's the only place they know after their 5 year nemesis-ship.

Enter Vanessa. She's known Candace and her friends for some time now too, though they hardly interact. Candace has her own cliche, and Vanessa runs in the punk/emo/goth circles. They're amicable though, so they banded together for a group project with Stacy and another one of Vanessa's friend, I'll call them Arnie. You can probably see where this is going.

Insert Comedy of Errors, and Vanessa tells Candace, Phineas and Ferb that he and her father has been spinning around each other for ages, and all four of them conspire to set them up. Candace, Jenny, Stacy, Vanessa and Arnie try to set up tropes. Have I forgotten to mention Danville High is setting up for an end of the year prom type celebration? They pull Heinz to help with the kissing booth, a five minutes in Heaven, a Kissing Cam. They couldn't take into account, however, Heinz's rotten luck and awful understanding of social cues, as well as the fact that Perry is a secret agent.

The boys, however, are pulling out as many romance stops as their young lives understand to make up the Grandest Performance of Romance Ever. Love Handël is involved. Phineas has pulled out the blueprints for the second titanic.

All this will cumulate with the highschool gym building on fire, OWCA having to run interference to ensure a bunch of kids dont die and a kiss under the rain. Perry has the best kids EVER.

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box— Quinn Hughes Edition (Part Twenty-One)

SERIES MASTERLIST

previous: twenty

if you saw the premature posted version of this… no you didn’t! welcome to the final game edition of penalty box! thank you for loving and supporting this series! it would not have evolved into this (47 penalty box chapters plus bonus chapters and now imagines! wow!) without any of you! i got some surprises coming soon! i hope you enjoy it!

THURSDAY, APRIL 13, 2023

yourusername

liked _quinnhughes, colemcward, and 18,486 others

yourusername welcome to my final 2022-2023 season postgame penalty box update show: quinn hughes edition! tonight, my best friend ended his season strong with a penalty! for what? stick holding! this beautiful dum dum held somebody else’s stick during his 25:54 minutes of ice time! goodness gracious great balls of fire that’s a very funny penalty. hockey has playground rules, people! hands to yourself! there was actually eleven penalties during this game, and two of them brought us power play goals! p.s. shoutout to my fav canuck (sorry bestie & co.) petey for getting the opening goal! i love you!!

to the team, this game was a beautiful way to cap off the season. i’m so sorry you all didn’t get the ending you wanted, but i’m really proud at how hard you all pushed through the hardships that this season brought. you deserved this win tonight, and so much more. thank you all for accepting my unhinged love and affection. and thank you burroughs for getting a fighting major as an end of the season present to me! i love each and every one of you💚

to garly, congratulations on your hat trick tonight!! you won the game for us in overtime, and were truly the star of the show. for those wondering, yes, i gave him a sticker book as a reward and he cherishes it! to my son, cole, you’re kicking butt out there and i can’t wait to see how this summer treats you! love you!

and to quinn, my best friend, an absolute light in my life whom i would do anything for, you worked your ass off this season and i could not be any prouder of you and admire you any more. the second you got that A on your jersey, you immediately stepped into the roll. hearing you be more vocal and outspoken and hearing the praise you receive in interviews has made me the happiest person in the world. you’ve always been a big brother to me, even before i moved in, and now it’s like you’re a big brother to the team. maybe that’s a bad term for it, but it’s the best analogy i’ve got because you’re always going to be the best big brother in the universe! for those wondering, yes, i have given him a giant trophy when were kids for being the best big brother in the universe and he still has it!

i love you, quinn, bigger than life. i can’t wait for that sweet spot in the summer where we can all relax and bask in each other’s company before i sit back and relax and watch you doofs work out! you’re going to do amazing things next season, and i can’t wait to see what i brings for you <3 i love you, bubba!💙

tagged _quinnhughes, colemcward, and canucks

view all 178 comments

_quinnhughes can't wait for our yearly tradition of making you work out with me the day before i leave for training camp💙 i love you, too, sissy!

yourusername i can wait for that <3

jackhughes @/yourusername then why do you still do it six years later?

yourusername @/jackhughes because you’re all superstitious dilholes i’ve been cursed to love

_quinnhughes there’s the sissy we know and love!

lhughes_06 @/yourusername be nice, sissy! it’s my first one as an nhl player!

yourusername @/lhughes_06 don’t tell me what to do

trevorzegras THERE’S the sissy we know and love!

yourusername @/trevorzegras try again.

trevorzegras THERE’S the y/n/n we know and love!

user6 this was so cute omg

trevorzegras my post had a play by play of penalties and quinn’s team gets a love letter?

yourusername I WAS AT YOUR GAME AND GAVE MY LOVE LETTER TO YOUR TRAM IN A VERBAL SPEECH

jamie.drysdale it’s true and it was very sweet!

_quinnhughes @/yourusername put him on probation for throwing a fit in my post

yourusername @/trevorzegras sorry babe

trevorzegras this is a public announcement that y/n and quinn are the worst over the summer and i am still traumatized by them

lhughes_06 this is a public announcement that it was worse when we were kids

jackhughes this is a public announcement that me and sissy might’ve been worse

lhughes_06 i take mine back. jack and sissy are menaces.

_quinnhughes i agree

yourusername whoopsy daisy

user15 i cried over garly’s hatty that small bearded man was brilliant out there

colemcward i love you, too, mom! can i join for the before training camp work out tradition?

_quinnhughes if you find yourself in michigan, sure, kiddo!

yourusername whatever you think it is, it’s not

trevorzegras that is very true

colemcward well that’s… off putting

jackhughes that’s kinda our thing

yourusername <3

user57 i’ll be sobbing until preseason and then there will be single tears until the real season

_eliaspettersson i’ll miss you over the summer! and i love you, too, girly hughes!

yourusername i’ll miss you, too, petey! don’t forget to facetime!

_eliaspettersson i won’t!

_quinnhughes please remember because she gets spazzy if she doesn’t get one

_eliaspettersson @_quinnhughes that’s sweet!

_quinnhughes it is not

user55 i’m heartbroken that the season is over, but i’m elated for hughes bros and sissy content!!!

jackhughes i’ll be searching for you two in the stands at playoffs!

_quinnhughes i won’t be sitting with her. she’ll give me away.

yourusername i’ll be wearing my custom lukey moosey and jacky boy jersey and shoving quinn in a devils hat <3

_quinnhughes this is sadly true and my previous statement was a lie

lhughes_06 @_quinnhughes thanks for all the brotherly support ❤️

jackhughes @_quinnhughes might want to remember what that trophy says in your room

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes don’t tell me what to do

user40 we need to address that picture of quinn and cole because cole has the hughes dead eye stare😭

lhughes_06 i have to admit, you did good, shorty

yourusername why? just why? i have to deal with the damage

lhughes_06 how?

yourusername idk buy him boots? maim you?

jackhughes @/yourusername do the second one but after playoffs

yourusername @/jackhughes deal

lhughes_06 MOM! DAD!

trevorzegras @/lhughes_06 i’ve been told to tell you that your parents fled the county

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras did you mean country?

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes sadly that is not what they said

user81 the hockey gods really gave y/n the greatest night ever with the ducks and canucks

yourusername this is true! i had an amazing night!

_alexturcotte can’t wait to see you this summer, mr. record breaking season!🫡 @_quinnhughes

yourusername come early so we can roll out the red carpet for him!

_quinnhughes @/yourusername i’ll sell you

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes it’s a little late for that

jackhughes @_quinnhughes waayyyy too late

colecaufield sweet y/n alarms me

yourusername all i do is love you!

_quinnhughes she definitely likes you more than the rest of us

colecaufield @_quinnhughes i meant when she’s sweet to you

_quinnhughes oh yeah no that’s fair

_eliaspettersson added this to their story

_quinnhughes added this to their story

[last-herondale]

Do Not Go Far From Me

Loki x FemReader

Angst, fluff, two idiots pining, implied spice.

A/N: The reader decides to quit the Avengers and move into their own apartment. Loki finds out on a returning trip to Earth, and is not happy.

Maybe a multi-part piece?

And yes I got the idea from a critical role quote. 🥸

Enjoy 🤘🏼

It was getting late, and yet the bustling sounds of New York City still crept its way into your new studio apartment. You thought you had adjusted to the city life, but as you laid there in your bed— eyes staring blankly at the rotating fan, unable to sleep— you realized that that was indeed not true. The compound had definitely been quieter— whenever it wasn’t under attack, but it was hard to call that place home, even after years of service.

There was a knock at the door. You snapped up in bed, abandoning any hope for sleep as you listened for another knock. Sometimes pizza delivery drivers would mistake your apartment for the floor right above yours, more often than you’d care to admit. Usually, after the first attempt they realized their mistake and be on their way.

Maybe I should make a sign, you thought.

You were about to lay back down when there was another quick succession of raps against the door. Your curiosity was now peaked, and you quickly threw on a pair of pajama bottoms before looking through the peep hole. Your heart lurched in your chest at the sight of him. You considered not opening the door, but he could feel your presence already.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Loki’s cool voice said from behind the door.

You gave an irritated sigh and unlocked your door, swinging it wide open. Loki stood there, with an amused smirk on his face. He was wearing his usual Midgard attire, an all black suit, prim and proper as always, making you feel silly in your oversized sleep shirt and pj bottoms. He held something in his arm and you arched your brows at him.

“What is that?”

Loki hesitated a moment before handing you a small potted cactus plant. “I’ve been told it’s a warm house gift. Something to give to someone when they have recently changed their living quarters.”

You took the cactus, careful to not prick your fingers with the sharp spines. You gave him a small smile. “It’s a house warming gift, you big doof.”

Loki just shrugged. “I don’t see how this would warm your house, unless you set the thing on fire—“

“How did you find me?” You interjected. Under normal circumstances, you wouldn’t have minded his banter, but things between you weren’t normal anymore. You hadn’t seen Loki in months, and you certainly never told him of your plans on quitting the team. You never liked goodbyes, and so you let Loki be one of the few people you saved yourself from that kind of heartbreak.

Loki rocked on the back of his heels, making an impatient noise as he rolled his eyes. “You’re not a very hard person to find, y/n. It seems one of Earth’s mightiest heroes cannot simply just disappear, even when they move to the slums of —”

You began to shut the door, huffing a breath as you did, but his hand shot out and caught the door. The two of you fought for dominance with the door. You conceited only because you feared the poor door would shatter into splinters, then you would never get your deposit back.

“Okay, okay.” He finally surrendered, sensing your irritation. “Natasha told me where to find you.”

“Why?” You challenged. You put a hand on your hip, not willing to move from the door until he answered. His eyes raked over you once, making you feel oddly exposed. Still, you stood your ground.

“Oh for Odin’s sake,” he exasperated. Loki used his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as he took a deep breath. “I just— wanted to talk to you.”

You eyed him skeptically, not sure if you should believe him. You had wondered when the Avengers would try to drag you back into the chaotic mess that was hero work. You figured they’d at least send Roger’s star spangled ass to come recruit you back on the team, not the God of Mischief. Loki didn’t break eye contact with you, meeting your challenging eyes with icy blue defiance. You wanted to smirk. It was fun watching him squirm.

“Fine,” you shrugged. You threw the door open again, this time turning your back on Loki as you went back inside. You heard him follow you in, and he even took the time to shut and lock the door behind him. You placed the small cactus on your coffee table and sat on your single futon couch. Your apartment was still pretty bare since moving in.

Loki scanned the room. You felt yourself stiffen as he gazed over your new home. You hadn’t had the time to tidy for entertaining guests. Your bed was a mess of sheets from your fitful nights, not to mention the unpacked boxes that littered your space. You expected Loki to have a sly remark in place, but instead he leaned up against the wall by the front door and looked at you.

“I was gone for a few months,” Loki began, his voice oddly stern, “and when I return, I find your room empty. I thought perhaps something horrible had happened—“ he cleared his throat quickly. “But instead I was informed that you “quit” as Natasha had put it.”

“Didn’t realized you cared so much, Mr. Mischief,” you muttered. Loki hated when you called him that, and even now you saw his chiseled jaw clench in frustration. He pushed himself off of the wall and came dangerously close to you, towering over you on your couch. You glared daggers at him, unwavering as he sat on your coffee table making sure to be right in front of you. Part of you wished he had sat on the cactus.

“I did not come here in a joking mood,” he hissed. “I want to know why you left. I want to know what idiotic idea went through your head to make you think that choosing this-“ he motioned to your apartment with his hand, “was the better option?”

His stern voice sent chills down your spine. His eyes searched yours wildly, waiting for you to answer him. Part of you wanted to curse at him for talking to you like that. The two of you had gotten into screaming matches before, but tonight you couldn’t summon the energy to meet his demanding presence. You leaned back into your couch, crossing your arms and sighing.

“I left because— I couldn’t do it anymore.”

You pulled your knees to your chest and rested your arms and head. You fought back the tears that were gathering in your eyes, digging your nails into your elbows to make them dissipate. You felt Loki’s eyes on you but you refused to look at him. One soft look from him and you knew you would fall apart.

“I hated being a weapon. A soldier— being called in to fight battle after battle, risking everything to save a world that has never given a damn about me.” Your voice shook as you spoke. You weren’t this honest with the rest of the team. You had told them you missed living a simple life, missed the freedom that came with civilian life. But it wasn’t completely honest. “I hated the self righteous indignation. The hypocrisy— the secrecy and lies. Avenger. I hated who I was under that label.”

“I grew bitter.” You whispered. “I feared that if I stayed at the compound— if I stayed an Avenger, that I would end up becoming something I would regret.” It had been a fight, a long tiresome fight with Steve and Tony over your departure. Steve had said you had a duty to the world, that without you the avengers would not be the same. Tony, on the other hand, was adamant that your powers were an asset to the team, and he feared what you would do with them on your own. At least he was honest.

“Was I wrong?” You finally looked up at him. His expression was unbelievably soft. He gave you a small grin as he looked down at his interlaced hands.

“I don’t believe so,” he said softly. “Bitterness is a dangerous bedfellow, y/n, I cannot fault you for your choice to leave.”

“I feel like there’s a but coming,” you mused. Loki’s smile wavered, his expression turning melancholy as he met your gaze. “I suppose— I just wish—“ he stumbled over his words. It was unlike him to be so unsure of himself.

He sighed and extended his hand, cautiously taking your hand in his. Your body stiffened at the touch, his cool skin sent a strange heat through your body. His thumb traced over your fingers. “Was all of it unpleasant?” He asked.

Your breath hitched in your chest. “No.” You whispered immediately. You leaned forward, not wanting to shy away from this moment. You took both of his hands in yours, sliding your hands up until you were holding his wrists.

“For every reason i told myself to leave, it wasn’t nearly as strong as the one thing that reminded me of why I didn’t want to leave.” The words felt right as you said them. You held Loki in your hands, using his presence to give you the strength to continue. “Whenever you were there, in those rare moments that you and Thor graced our presence, the compound felt a little lighter. I actually enjoyed when you would come and cause a little chaos in my life,” you gave a small laugh. Loki gave a light chuckle, his blue eyes sparkled a bit as he looked at you.

Whenever Loki made a return visit to Earth, he would always drag you away from your duties to have fun. Your fondest memories came from your midnight excursions with Loki, bar hopping, drunken karaoke nights, and a few secret nights under the stars of Manhattan. He made your time there bearable, but it always came to an end.

“But you weren’t always there,” you murmured. You slowly pulled your hands away from him, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I found myself waiting around, wondering when you would return to pull me out of my thoughts. Then after a while, I decided I needed to pull myself out. I needed something— anything to feel like myself again.”

“Y/n…” Loki began. His voice was thick and deep. Your name sounded delicious on his mouth. You knew you would fall apart. He was the only person who could make you shatter with his words. You couldn’t back down now. You straightened your shoulders, lifting your chin in false pride.

“It’s fine Loki. It’s not your responsibility— I’m not your responsibility. We don’t owe each other anything and it was stupid of me to think— Anyway… I know it isn’t much, but this place is mine, and mine alone. It will hold me long enough for me to figure out what comes next. Believe me, I don’t plan on staying in New York City for long—there are too many memories that haunt me here.”

“And so you plan on disappearing again?” His words turned sour. “Where will you run to next, I wonder? Some dump worse off than this squabble?” You shot up from your seat, Loki followed your motion. The two of you were inches apart, his face looking down in you as you jabbed a finger into his chest.

“Where I go is none of your concern!” You growled. “Isn’t it?” He countered, moving closer. You could feel the heat of his breath hit your face, the smell of him was intoxicating. “No it isn’t,” you hissed. “You have your freedom. You come and go whenever and wherever you please. I think I deserve the chance to do the same.”

He took a step forward, causing you to back into the edge of your couch, threatening to trip you up. You glared at the god, waiting for him to say something, anything, but instead his chest just rose and fell, as if he was keeping himself from losing control.

“I think you should leave.” You said bitterly. Whatever it was he wanted to say, he could say as he walked out of the door. “Go back to the compound, to Asgard, I don’t give a shit. Just leave my apartment.”

You side stepped him, not waiting for him to respond as you reached your hand out to open the door. It was as if an invisible hand pulled the back of your shirt, dragging you backwards in a quick, fluid motion. The force spun you around and before you could curse at him, Loki’s hands were gripping your shoulders.

“Do you think I enjoyed leaving you?” He hissed between his teeth. “As if I could want to be anywhere where you are not. Gods! Your such an arrogant thing.”

You tried to pull away from him but his hands held firm on your shoulders.

“Then why did you?” You shouted at him. “Why did you leave me there? Alone? You knew how unhappy i was there and yet still, you left!”

His eyes bore into you with alarming intensity. His expression shifted from anger to that of deep sorrow. He leaned in closer, dropping his sultry voice to a whisper.

“I did leave. Like a coward— I left. It was easier for me to believe that you would be better off here—safer here, than with me. I thought I could survive that, despite what I feel for you… But when I arrived here — when I could not find you—“

He took a ragged breath. Seeing him so undone make your chest ache.

“Go wherever you want. Hide in the deepest darkest parts of the galaxy if that will bring you peace, but do not—you cannot keep me in the dark.” His voice shook as he spoke. You stilled in his embrace, watching as his eyes darkened as they raked over your face. “Please— wherever you go— do not go far from me. I could not bare it—not knowing where you are, or how you are. At least at the compound I knew you were never alone.”

Tears threatened to spill over. His hands softened on your shoulders, the tips of his fingertips grazed the base of your neck and you let out a ragged breath. He had teased you in the past, playing flirty games, testing his boundaries with you in front of the others, but this was different. There was no amusement in his eyes, and in the solitude of your apartment, everything felt too real.

“Don’t push me away, y/n,” he murmured. “I don’t care if you’re an Avenger, or where you live, or who you want to be. I just want—” he choked on his words. It was as if he was trying to say something, but his hands trembled on your body. He cursed himself, eyeing you almost painfully, as if he was afraid. The idea of him being so— human over you, gave you an odd sense of power. You would not push him away.

You let your hand trail up his arm, slowly using your fingertips to trace up until it rested in the collar of his suit. “Then stay,” you challenged. “Stay with me, even if it’s just for tonight. Just— don’t let me be alone. Don’t leave me again.”

Loki’s eyes seemed to darken, and a soft grin spread across his face. His hand trailed up your neck, cupping the back of your head with shattering tenderness. It was all you needed.

You pulled his collar towards you, colliding with him forcefully as your lips met his. He groaned with delight at the motion, gripping your hair as he kissed you. You continued to push him, gripping his shirt as you guided him to the couch. You broke away from the kiss, long enough to give him a shove, knocking him down onto it.

Loki looked up at you, his lips glistening as he smiled up at you. He unbuttoned the coat to his black suit, giving him easier access to move around. You stood above him, watching him as he motioned with his finger for you to come closer. You tilted your head playfully, slowly inching your way closer to him.

It was strangely fun to tease him. To keep your distance from him until you decided. His eyes bore into you, scanning your body as if it was the only thing in the universe.

“I need you closer,” he said in a thick voice. “Now.”

You laughed a little, waiting another moment before moving. Taunting him. You stepped closer, until your legs met his. You stood over him and raised your eyebrows expectantly. He seemed to understand immediately, a wicked grin flashed across his face.

“Please, y/n.”

You slid yourself over his lap, placing your knees on either sides of his hips as you kissed him. His hands flattened against your back, his nails digging in softly on your shirt. You used one hand to pull his chin down slightly, giving you more access to slide your tongue further into his mouth. You reveled in the fight for dominance inside both of your mouths. You bit at his bottom lip, making him curse under his breath while his hands slid upwards to cup your head ahead.

You broke apart from the kiss, staying inches from his face as you both caught your breath. You snatched his hands as they ascended and shoved them in the opposite direction. “I don’t think so,” you purred. You placed Loki’s hands on your lower waist, near the edge of your hips. His hands seemed to fit like a glove as he gripped you and held you closer to him. Loki looked at you dreamily, his eyes glazed over with a dark wanting desire.

You leaned forward, placing your hand along Loki’s throat, exposing his bare skin as you placed your lips by his ear. “My house, my rules,” you growled softly. You felt Loki chuckle underneath your hand. The vibrations from the rest of his body underneath you sent another wave of heat rolling through your insides.

“Then by all means darling,” he mused, “teach me how to play.”

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - sixty-two | two giants

The next day, you and Jongho sat at the table as you discussed ideas for his album while Hongjoong worked on something on the computer.

“Did you see her new mashup, hyung?” Jongho asked.

Hongjoong smiled. “I did. Interesting how she decided to make a mashup of your ballads, hm?”

You laughed.

“Don’t be jealous, hyung, she’s mashed up almost every single song you’ve produced already.”

Hongjoong laughed. “What reason would I have to be jealous?”

DOOF!

Something heavy hit the studio door, making you all jump and turn towards it. The doorknob jostled for a second, and Maddox spilled into the room in a frenzy.

“Are you okay?” Hongjoong asked.

Maddox laughed, tried to take off his messenger bag and got caught in the strap, struggled for a moment, and threw it onto one of the couches, knocking his glasses off in the process.

“Hyung, calm down!” Jongho said.

All of you looked at him, confused.

Maddox pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up whatever it was. “Doyun…” he said breathlessly, “Has been kicked off the project!”

“What?” The three of you asked in unison.

Hongjoong stood and grabbed Maddox’s glasses off the floor and handed them to him. Maddox exchanged the glasses for his phone, open to an email. Hongjoong sat and read it as Maddox put his glasses back on and fixed his hair.

“How did you not see it?” Maddox asked.

“I put my phone in the desk because I kept getting distracted.” He handed Maddox his phone back and pulled his own out, presumably to look for the email.

“He’s really off the project?” You asked.

“He is!” Maddox said happily.

“How? Was it the accusations that were leaked on that employee website?”

“Accusations?” Jongho asked.

Hongjoong cleared his throat. “I have an email from the CEO.”

You, Maddox, and Jongho all looked at each other for a moment and waited for Hongjoong to read it all, his brow furrowed as he did so. A few minutes passed as you all sat in silence.

“What does it say, hyung?”

“Hmm.” Hongjoong looked up with the expression of a father who just learned surprising news. “Doyun’s been dropped from the company.”

“What?” You asked in disbelief.

“Seriously?” Maddox asked, for the same reason.

“Wow…” Jongho trailed off.

“Is it because of what you said to him?” You asked.

“It would seem so.” He looked back at the email. “It would also seem that once he started to ask around, and when people were assured they wouldn’t lose their job over being honest, a lot of the newer staff came forward with stories of how he mistreated them.”

You nodded. “I saw in a video that someone posted in a public forum about it, and people from airlines and hotels left comments with how he treated them.”

“Wow,” Jongho nodded.

“Also,” Hongjoong continued as he looked back down at the email for a moment. “...Satbyeol threatened to leave the agency if he wasn’t fired.”

“Wha-- really?” You asked, eyes wide.

“Wow. He used his powers for evil and she used hers for good.” Maddox said.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“They’re the two most popular actors at Wonderland right now, yet they used their fame totally differently.” Jongho answered. “Like two giants going after each other.”

“Wow…”

“There might be a court case…” Hongjoong continued. “It seems that the company is asking any and all people with complaints about him to come forward and has contacted public defenders to represent them. Satbyeol’s legal team is going to take charge of the case.”

“Like a class action lawsuit for a serial sex offender,” Jongho added.

“Is this the first time a company has done that?” You asked.

“To my knowledge, yes.” Hongjoong answered.

“Wow.”

“Maybe the CEO really wants to get rid of him.” Maddox suggested.

“It’s no secret that he’s an asshole.” Jongho said. “I’ve only acted in two dramas but I heard stories about him on the sets of both.”

“Jesus…” You breathed.

“T/n,” Hongjoong said.

You turned to him.

“If you want to be a part of the court case, we’ll support you.”

“Oh… I mean, what happened to me wasn’t that bad. Not like him actively hitting on Satbyeol, or any of the… any time he targeted someone who didn’t have a group of people to protect them. Maybe all those resources should be used for people who had it worse.”

“Maybe not… but it’s part of a pattern of behavior. I think that he hasn’t faced any consequences for his actions yet, because those actions were so spread out.”

“Lots of small actions everywhere, instead of a few big, concentrated ones?” Maddox asked.

Hongjoong nodded.

Maddox nodded back.

“Well… maybe I’ll join it if it seems like I’m needed. I should probably back Satbyeol up on his trying to hit on her at the elevators, at least. I’m not sure if she knows I heard it.”

Hongjoong nodded. “Let me know, I’ll put you in touch with the legal team when you’re ready. It’ll probably take a while to build the case if it’s as big as it seems.”

You nodded. “Thank you.”

The mood much lower than before Maddox arrived with the news, you all sat in silence for a bit.

“Wait…” Jongho started.

You all turned towards him.

“... if his contract has been broken that means there’s no male lead for the drama…”

You frowned. “You’re an opportunist, you know that?”

He laughed. “Well, I’ve acted a bit, maybe I should audition.”

“For the male lead?” You asked, eyebrow raised.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll get it.”

You laughed. “Then I think you should audition.”

He smiled.

  previous | main cast | masterlist | next

Send an ask or leave a comment if you want to be added to the tag list! 🎵

@luvvvx • @iamthehotdemon • @hrts4hanniehae • @rachs-words • @stayatinykatsy •

[ylohnu]

im just thinking about dealer!remus and being his gf. like you cant roll for SHIT (cause obviously he does it for u cause ur a princess) but every time he comes home he sees you, eyes squinting and tongue poking out of you lips in concentration, rolling a shitty j for him as a welcome home gift. it has enough air in the paper to light a fuckin fire but he still accepts it and just smiles at you like a doof uHg

[yourstreetserenade]

what are your fave canon complaint or canon adjacent brittana fics 🥹

Hmm. Digging through my favorites and just realizing I don't have a ton of canon fics listed. I know I've read and have enjoyed a ton but I'm the worst at favoriting and keeping things organized. Also I tend to go the more au route. I need to go through that Brittana fic drive and like make notes. Here's what I can recall though...

Set the World on Fire by Cora709. Kurcheltana are finding their way in New York when Brittany moves in. Lots of amazing friendship moments between the four of them but with the main focus being on Brittana's relationship. I'd also rec Cora's other fic in which Brittany and Santana go camping with the Pierces. Both fics are equal parts hilarious and also heartbreakingly beautiful.

Everything bodybroke has written.

This is Everything and its sequel, Take Me Anywhere by gibsongrl. Yes it's another New York fic, but instead of being roomies with Kurt and Rachel, Brittana become roomies with Finn and Rachel. I don't find myself reading a ton of fic with Finn in it but this was so good. This Finn is a lovable doof with a good heart and the author really works to build everyone's individual friendship. I read them in 2020 which was obviously a difficult time. I could be viewing it with rose tinted glasses on but reading about Finn and Santana building a slow friendship along with Rachel and Brittany was really comforting to me at the time. Note though that the dialogue tagging is sometimes a little unclear about who is speaking but once you get into it, it's not too hard to roll with.

Let's Make Every Moment Count by Hoppy Toad. It's a series of like missing scenes from several season three episodes.

Everything thefooliam has written.

Everyone's Gonna Know Now by Temora. Random glimpses of Brittana through other characters POV.

Tbh I really suck at compiling lists like this but maybe it's a starting point? Happy reading anon!

[noddytheornithopod]

everyone talks about doof's titanium arms and acts like they're a big deal but where's the same love for the fire hydrant in his leg