#drew this months ago gave up but people believed in me and that made me melt so now he’s sorta done

[thatmooncake]

Handy little horoscope Moon

(Close up under the cut)

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Do You Want Me, Cyar'ika [happy]

Dark!Din Djarin x Jedi!Female Reader

Warnings: HEY THIS IS DARK WATCH OUT, stalking, manhandling, slight choking if you kind of squint, dubcon (reader is willing, but is def under the influence of the darksaber), smut, hand job, mentions of blood and injury, mentions of permanent scarring of the reader

Word Count: 6,717

Summary: Din Djarin is a man who lost everything. His home, his son, his Creed. But at the end of the day, he still had you. He still had you, and he was determined to keep you. Part One: Ni Ceta, Cyar'ika Part Two: I Love You, Cyar'ika

[a/n: THIS IS THE HAPPY ENDING TO THIS TRILOGY. My suggestion is to read the version you really want first b/c the beginning half is the exact same. It's only the end that differs.]

.

"sometimes, you just need a fresh start. a new beginning. a clean slate. just get rid of everything going wrong and make it go right." -the importance of starting over

.

The echoing of your footsteps bounced off the walls and the quick pace seemed to match the racing of your heart. No looking back. You needed to get to the tarmac. Din was supposed to be in the war room with Bo Katan and the others in his council discussing something or another. This morning he had told you that he wouldn’t be able to meet you for lunch until a bit later in the afternoon. Half an hour after he had told you this, you grabbed your stuff and started running. 

You had the right idea months ago when you first tried to leave. This was going to be your last chance. If he caught you this time you don’t know that you’d ever get the chance to run away again. Memories of that beskar chain and anklet hung heavy in your mind as you picked up your pace. A terrifying thought occurred to you. Would he stop there? How far would Din go to keep you by his side? You truly believed, deep down, that Din wouldn’t hurt you, but… were you just being delusional? At some point, he’d consider the line to be crossed.

The tarmac was mostly empty. The few Mandalorians that were in the area gave you curious looks, but nobody dared stop you. That was a side effect of being ‘owned’ by the Mand’alor and though you found it disturbing previously it was truly working in your favor now. Everybody on this rock, save for a few people like Bo Katan, were too terrified of Din to even look in your direction for longer than a few seconds. As you sprinted to the closest ship you knew how to pilot, the Mandalorians began to disperse. You had a suffocating suspicion that they were in the process of calling Din.

You made it further than you had last time. You were on the ship, ramp closing behind you, and you clambered into the cockpit and got things running. As the ship slowly began to rise, you saw him. Din stood at the edge of the tarmac with his hands on his hips. The wind tunneling through the ship’s exhaust and down onto the ground below caused Din’s thick cape and hair to whip around. Even from this distance, you could feel Din’s gaze burning straight through you. The look on his face was haunting⏤ a mix of devastation and unbridled rage. You couldn’t bring yourself to look away. Even after the ship was in the atmosphere and Din was far out of view, you stared down at Mandalore in pain. Your chest ached as your heart already begun to miss the man you were running from.

Before allowing yourself to wallow, you input the coordinates to Tatooine and let the ship slip into hyperdrive. The second those all too familiar lines of blurred space cast a blue glow in the cockpit, you pulled your knees up into your chest to bury your face there. If somebody were to ask you the exact reason why tears streamed down your face you would not be able to give them an answer.

You just knew, everything was wrong.

You agonized over who to send a message to. As you drew ever near to Tatooine, doubts began to plague your mind. Should you reach out to Boba and Fennec? They were obvious choices because they cared about Din and they knew how to hold their own in a fight. However, you had a nagging fear at the back of your mind that would not silence. It blared like a ghostly siren. Din was not himself right now, and though you knew without a doubt that he would not hurt you, could the same be said for Boba and Fennec? Especially if they stood in the way of Din getting to you?

You hated that you were unsure of that.

You hated that a part of you honestly thought Din might hurt his friends or worse.

There was no changing course though. The best solution you had was to get in touch with Luke Skywalker. He might have answers about this. Even if he didn’t, having him and Ahsoka by your side would help. Three Jedi surely could get that cursed saber away from Din. Granted, there was no assurance that separating the saber from the love of your life would actually work, but it was all you had. It was the last bit of hope you could cling to. 

Upon your arrival to Tatooine, you immediately slunk away to a crowded cantina. You were not a fool. You knew Din was not just going to let you wander away and you knew he was one of the deadliest bounty hunters in the galaxy. He was very good at what he did⏤ especially when passionate about the mission. That didn’t leave you very much time to get the information you needed. 

You sent out a decoded distress message to the number Skywalker had left you when he took Grogu. He left it strictly for emergencies and this obviously classified as one. After it was out in the universe, all you could do was wait. So you saddled up to the bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a drink. It was all you could think to do. This was the first time in ages that you were in a space not clouded by Din’s presence. You hadn’t realized until now how suffocating it had been.

Being with Din, watching his slow descent, you had gotten accustomed to that cloud of darkness that hung over his head. To the point where you didn’t notice it worsening and worsening. It felt as if your body had acclimated to living under the ocean. Your body grew used to the crushing depths. Your lungs shriveled from the lack of oxygen. Your eyes grew blind from the absence of light. Now? Sitting at this dingy, dirty bar, it was as if someone had forced you up from the ocean floor and dragged you quickly up to the surface. It was jarring. The fresh air was painful as it filled your lungs, your eyes burned from the disappearance of darkness, and suddenly it was freedom that felt wrong. 

A sudden beeping made you glance down at the communicator. Eyes wide, you answered it, “Hello? Luke Skywalker?” Your name was spoken over the line in concern. “Thank the Maker. I⏤ Din and I are in trouble.”

“What has happened?”

“It’s…” You took in a slow breath and began to walk him through what was going on. You started with the moment he took Grogu and described every single downward step the two of you had taken with the saber in his possession. When you finished, your throat felt thick with emotion. “I got away, but he’ll be after me soon. I know it. Luke, I… I don’t know what to do. I just know I need help, and I’m too afraid to go to anybody other than you.”

“You were right to reach out to me.” Luke sighed. “This needs to be handled by us. No need to risk anyone else.”

The thought flickered through your head without warning. You were okay with putting Luke Skywalker and Ahsoka in danger. It came quickly and you swatted it away just as fast, but it felt like poison. Obviously, Boba and Fennec meant more to you than Luke and Ahsoka. You were closer to the first two. However, it still didn’t make risking the lives of the latter two okay. The fact that the belief attempted to nestle in your head reminded you of the dark saber. Your hand wrapped around your own lightsaber⏤ seeking comfort in the energy it radiated.

“You believe he’ll follow you, correct?” Luke questioned.

“Absolutely.” You answered without an ounce of hesitation.

Luke hummed on the other end of the line in thought. “I will send you coordinates. Come to us. The Mandalorian will follow and we will handle this from there. You just need to get here. Can you do that?”

“Yeah.” You nodded your head, trying to convince yourself. “I can. I’ll leave as soon as you send me those coordinates.”

“Of course. Call us again if you have trouble.”

“Thank you.”

The call ended and you threw back the remainder of the drink before rushing for the door. It would take fifteen minutes to get to the tarmac and you assumed you’d get the coordinates by then to use. The crowded Tatooine streets made you anxious. Shoulders clipped into yours as people rushed past you in the opposite direction. It felt like there were eyes burning into your skin, but every scan of the crowd told you it had to just be your paranoia. 

Your communicator beeped again and a quick glance down revealed the coordinates you’d be heading to. Good. You quickened your pace to turn a corner to the last leg of the path that would take you to the public tarmac when you spotted him. A flash of glinting silver under the hot Tatooine suns. Your feet came to a screeching halt, and for a moment the two of you stood stock still. Din was down the road. Closer to the tarmac’s entrance than to you. His hands rested on his hips, and he was helmetless. Even from this distance the darkness swimming in his brown eyes sent a chill down your spine. He had been a sight to behold in his full armor, a faceless figure of intimidation. However, you knew now that it was worse without the helmet. Actually seeing those burning eyes, rather than just feel them, made your stomach flip.

The crowd ebbed and flowed, a small group passing between the two of you, and when they passed fully Din was gone. You couldn’t see him. Without a second more of hesitation, you spun on your heel and sprinted in the opposite direction of where he had been standing. The public tarmac was a bust. You’d never be able to successfully route yourself back around, but you still needed a ship.

Peli’s shop. As soon as it came to mind, you altered course to head in that direction. You prayed that Peli wasn’t home. Hopefully she’d be out losing credits to a group of jawas in sabbac or conning some poor sap at the market. Your chest burned in the effort it took to keep your quick pace, your heart pounded painfully, and you could still feel Din’s eyes on you. Every time you glanced over your shoulder or down alleys there was no sign of silver, but you knew⏤ you just knew⏤ that he was hot on your heels somehow. 

You finally reached Peli’s shop and the garage was closed which meant she was not home, but you remembered the way in through the back. Peli had shown it to you and Din ages ago. Even if she didn’t have a client’s ship sitting in the bay, you could steal her land speeder and come up with a different plan from there. Once in, your eyes landed on a small ship parked in the main bay and your lips curled up into a relieved smile. Find the FOB, get the ship open and started. You rushed to Peli’s office and cursed the wrecked state it was in. Her baseline was chaotic and it showed in her organization choices. You dug through the mess until you found a FOB that seemed to match the ship waiting for you.

Victorious, you sprinted out of the office back down to the bay, but the second your feet stepped into the open area something hard slammed into you. The air was knocked from your lungs as you landed on the ground. Din’s features stared down at you as his body straddled yours. One of his gloved hands pinned down your dominant hand while the other clamped down on your throat⏤ not enough to restrict air, but just enough to convey his warning. You could see your fearful eyes reflected in the beskar covering him as he towered over you. Din’s face didn’t look angry or worried. He didn’t look scared or confused. Din looked cold. Emotionless. Somehow that was worse.

“Din⏤”

“Don’t.” Din said sharply. The fingers on your neck flexed once. “Don’t speak, cyar’ika.”

More suffocating than his demeanor and broad figure was the poisonous energy seeping out of the saber hung on his belt. You were drowning in it, struggling to keep your head above it’s dark waters, and Din was pushing you beneath the waves. He held you under. Din was a man drowning and in your attempt to rescue him he was dragging you to the depths as well. 

“How could you do this to me?” Din asked. His voice cracked⏤ the only sign of his pain. “Cyar’ika, you…” Din swallowed. A flash of heartbreak filled his expressive brown eyes and the degree of his hurt briefly made you feel guilty. Like you had been the one to betray him. “I love you. You are my everything. I would burn the world for you. How could⏤ How could you leave?”

“I never asked for you to burn the world for me, Din.” You whispered. “That’s not what I want.”

Din shifted and leaned down so he could rest his forehead against yours. His hand hung loosely around your throat, forearm pressed against your chest, and it was a position your body was familiar with. If you closed your eyes and gave into the darkness trying to claw its way down your throat and into your lungs, then you’d simply feel like you were sharing a private moment of intimacy with your love. Din’s lips suddenly ghosted against yours and you felt your body tremble.

“What is it you want?” Din begged. “I will give you anything. I just want you safe by my side.”

“I told you what I want, Din…”

Din sighed, his hot breath fanning across your lower face, “I can’t do that.” His voice was strained as if her were in agony. “The saber is how I protect you, cyar’ika.”

“You’re losing me because of that saber, baby.”

For the longest moment, Din remained silent. His eyes were closed and you could see him ruminating over something. After a second, he opened his eyes and Din’s eyebrows furrowed in defeat. A flicker of hope burned in your chest until he opened his mouth and spoke. 

“Things were okay. We just need to start from scratch again. I know you hated that chain, cyar’ika, but it’s for the best.” Din said softly and your eyes widened at how serious his words were. How much he believed that to truly be the best path. “It won’t be forever, I swear it. Just until I trust you again.”

“Din⏤”

“No.” Din snapped. His soft despair turning to a firm demand. “There will be no argument. I’m taking you home.” You opened your mouth once more, but Din’s fingers began to tighten around your throat marginally. “You’re already in trouble, cyar’ika. Don’t make it worse.”

Panic began to make your heart race. You were sinking fast and the light was beginning to disappear from your sight⏤ your freedom with it. In a poor attempt at a final chance of survival, you spoke up despite his order to stay silent. “I just wanted to say sorry.”

Din scoffed. “You understand why I find it hard to believe you.”

“I know.” You nodded. “Please, baby. I’m sorry. Please believe me. You know I love you.”

You could feel Din’s thumb around your neck tracing the skin under it as he stared down at you. He took in a deep breath and leaned in to press his forehead against yours once more. Din brushed his lips lightly against yours. “You’re always so pretty when you beg, cyar’ika.” That was the one thing you had working in your favor. Din always had a hard time telling you ‘no’ when your bodies were folded together like this. “I’ll hear you out, but let’s get to our ship first.”

“Why not now? Let me tell you how sorry I am, Din.” You begged and he let out a soft sigh as his eyes closed. Your eyes darted to the saber on his belt. If you ended up back on Mandalore it would be over. There would be no second chance. Determined, you rolled your hips up and just as you suspected you were met with the firmness of his half hard cock. Din groaned. “Let me show you how sorry I am.” Your non-dominant hand had been clutching at the hand he had at your throat, but you very slowly let it travel up his arm to bury in his soft hair. “Please, baby.”

You tilted your head up as much as you could with Din’s hand clamped around your neck. Carefully, in fear that too quick or sudden a movement would break the spell, you began to pull Din down closer. Din hesitated against the slight force of your hand only for a second before he slotted his lips against yours. As always, Din’s touch set you aflame. He released the wrist he had pinned and hooked that hand under your thigh to spread your legs so he could settle between them rather than straddle you. You should be focused on escape alone, but the taste of him made you hungry for more. You weren’t sure how much was your love for Din and how much was the saber twisting it into something recognizable. 

Din’s teeth caught your lower lip, and he pulled back a breath, “You’re supposed to be showing me how sorry you are, cyar’ika.” He leaned back down to lick into your mouth, his kiss crushing and near painful as Din’s hips pressed firmly against yours. He left his lips close enough that you felt every word he spoke. “Yet here I am…” Din gave a sharp thrust and even with layers of clothes between the two of you he was able to snap the bulge of his erection right where your clit was hidden. You gasped at the pleasure that rocketed up your spine as hot pangs arousal pooled in your lower belly. “...doing all the damn work.”

At his words, you closed the space to press your lips against his again, deepening the kiss, as your hands traveled to his belt. You undid his belt with practiced ease, and while one hand slipped under the waistband of his flight suit to find the base of his cock the other went to grasp the saber.

Your fingers brushed against the thrumming metal of the saber for only a second before Din’s hand slapped on top of yours pinning it to the saber. Everything froze. Din and you were both panting, breathless from your kiss. You had one hand stuffed into his pants with your hand pressed against his skin on the space above the base of his cock and the other on the saber. Din had one hand tightening around your neck while his other crushed your fingers against the darksaber. He chuckled and the sound sent chills throughout your body.

“Let go, Cyar’ika.” Din’s voice was gruff and seemed to rumble out from his chest. You began to try and pull both hands back, but Din grunted. “Not both. Just the saber.” You sucked in a sharp breath and remained frozen. “What? You don’t want to finish what you started?” He shoved one hand down his pants to roughly grab yours and force your hand to wrap around the entirety of his throbbing cock. It was like this tense moment was spurning him onwards⏤ filling him with a thrill you had never seen before. “I thought you were sorry.”

You hated how his words made your own core ache with want. 

Din snapped the saber off his belt tossed it off to the side. Too far for you too reach, but close enough that its influence weighed heavy on you still. He did the same to your own weapon which was hooked in its usual place on your belt. Din threw that one further, more carelessly, before lowering his face back down toward yours. His hand was still wrapped around yours, and Din thrusted into your dry grip. It couldn't be comfortable you thought, but Din moaned in your ear as if it were already drunk in pleasure.

“Din…” You murmured.

His hot mouth enveloped yours, tongue licking into you, as he thrusted twice more. Din’s teeth caught your lower lip again, but this time he bit down hard enough that the taste of metallic blood flashed across your taste buds. You yelped, he thrusted into your grip, and then Din pulled back just enough that you could see his lips painted with the red of your own blood.

“Are you going to make me take you?” He asked in a harsh whisper. “Or will you come willingly?” Din pressed his bloodstained lips against the side of your face, dragging, and you shuddered as a cold, but tempting, chill filled your body. “I’ll spend eternity chasing you, cyar’ika, but it will be more enjoyable if you just agree to be mine again.”

His lips found yours once more, and for one second you weren’t in your body. Your mind clouded with a sort of vision. You saw Din sitting on Mandalore’s throne splattered with blood he had drawn from others and his features masked in a cold indifference. The saber was not on his belt, but any confusion you had on it’s location faded as a different version of you came into view. She wore an elegant and revealing gown that was as dark as a starless night, and the inactive saber was held tight in her grip as blood covered her hands and left a trail of red petals as she passed. While Din’s face held a cold indifference this version of you looked feral with enjoyment. 

She settled herself on Din’s lap and the mask he wore cracked to reveal adoration as he stared up at this other you in awe. Without wasting a beat, this unrecognizable version of yourself pulled Din into a firm kiss. The blood on the hands that resembled yours smeared against his stainless beskar, and the blood on his face left smears along features you spent your entire life staring at in a mirror. Suddenly, the other you broke away to turn and it seemed she was glaring directly at you.

The saber in her hand activated and burned with a soul sucking energy that seemed to draw you in.

“Be mine.” Din’s voice snapped you back into the moment. “Be my queen, cyar’ika. I want no else.” He pressed his lips to yours again but in a way that was too soft to match the rest of this situation. The tip of his tongue dragged through the torn tissue of your lower lip and you shivered. “Let me protect you as you rule by my side.”

And you wanted it. It was like your body had finally reached the lowest depths and your lungs were filling with the dark water you were drowning in. It was almost peaceful allowing yourself to settle into the cold⏤ allowing it to swallow you whole. Distantly, you could feel the crystal in your lightsaber desperately calling out to you, but you were certain no light could reach you where you were. Cold turned to pleasure as Din’s hands began to map the familiar planes of your body. 

“I’ve always been yours.” You whispered. Din molded his lips to yours and he pulled your hand out from where it was hidden under his waistband so he could have to room and access to begin frantically undoing your own belt. You lifted your hips so he could tug your pants down past your ass and off entirely. He didn’t bother with his own pants, deciding to just tug them down enough to be useful, and  Din settled between your legs. As he worked himself out of his pants he planted his lips against the hollow of your neck.

You tilted your chin up, panting, as you gave him more room to work his tongue against the skin there. Every atom of your being was throbbing and aching for the man on top of you, but briefly a glimmer of pain lanced through your heart. A reminder. You thought you were too deep in for the light to reach you, but your lightsaber’s call managed one faint echo. A weak lifeline back to the surface. Without thinking, your hand reached reached out to where the sabers were cast aside and for the first time in your life you felt the Force do more than just read an energy. It enveloped the space around you and seconds later something firm was in the palm of your hand.

You cried out, managing to roll Din and yourself over so you now straddled him. The saber activated in your hand and rather than the warm familiar glow you wanted, you were greeted by the soul sucking, burning energy of the darksaber lighting up in your hands. Your eyes widened in alarm. The power that washed over you was overwhelming. It rocketed up your arm and pierced your very soul. Din laid on the ground under you as you stared at the cold glow of the saber burning in your hands, and you heard him begin to laugh in amusement. 

“Maker, you’ve never looked prettier, cyar’ika.” Din grinned⏤ the look in his dark eyes was wild with desire. “How does it feel?”

Your skin was crawling as if someone was holding a live wire to it. A tremor shook your body and it took you a moment to detangle your mind away from the raw pleasure that screamed out to you. The darksaber was sinking it’s cold claws into every aspect of who you were and you could feel your reality slipping away from you. You tightened your hand around the hilt and began to squeeze. It was hard to focus the Force to bend to your will with the darksaber’s influence pressing down on you, but you clenched your teeth and squeezed harder. The crack of bending metal filled the air.

“No.” Din growled and his hands roughly pawed at you, to try and take the saber from your grip, but you raised your hands up above your head and continued to squeeze until you felt actual pain began to seep into your body. “Stop! Don’t!” 

The metal cracked further, heat began to lick out of the hilt as the saber’s burning energy flickered and grew wild. It was burning your hands, leaving the flesh it touched raw. Din screamed out at you to stop again, but you couldn’t hear him over the high pitched ringing the darksaber’s kyber crystal seemed to emit. The saber was angry⏤ the saber was scared. You focused every bit of your body’s energy to channel the Force. You screamed in agony as the saber was crushed under your grip. The crystal cracked and the energy stored in it grew volatile and unstable. With one final push of power, the crystal shattered into pieces within the crushed hilt of the saber and the release of energy blew you backwards into the dirt. 

Your ears from ringing from the blast. Your head ached painfully, you could feel blood matted in your hair from where the back of your head had slammed into the ground, but it was hard to focus on anything other than the miserable and excruciating pain that was radiating up your arms. Shakily, you lifted your hands up to try and examine them. Even though your sight was growing blurry, you could still make out the state of your hands. Scorched flesh, raw and torn, greeted you and warm blood was dripping from the spots where jagged bits of kyber crystal embedded in your skin. It rained down on you.

“No, no, no, no.”

Din was suddenly in your line of vision as he cupped the side of your face in fear and disbelief. Your hands, heavy with exhaustion, fell limp and they didn’t even hurt much anymore. You were having trouble feeling anything actually. “Please, Maker, no.” Din gasped. His voice was ragged and hoarse. Tears were swimming in his eyes and for the first time in ages, you recognized the clarity. “Cyar’ika, no, please…”

Your lips twitched up in a smile as you gazed up at him. You sighed in relief, “It’s you.” Din’s face crumpled as the tears streaked down his cheeks as he tried to pull you closer. “You’re back, baby.”

His voice seemed far away. As your eyelids grew heavy, you still felt content. If these were to be your last moments you were more than happy to share them with Din Djarin. Your Din Djarin. Pure and kind hearted. Loving and soft. Darkness seemed to envelope you, but it was not the cold darkness the saber used to force you into. This was warm and tender. You felt enveloped in love and your own kyber crystal, loyal and strong, whispered a lullaby as you relaxed into sleep.

.

[three months later]

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It took you ages to find Din. After waking up in Boba’s palace, post bacta tank infusion, you realized he had slipped away without a word. Boba and Fennec had comforted you, but the only message Din left you was a soft apology passed down along friends. The fact that he hid from you was proof enough that the darksaber’s influence was gone from him. You felt it no longer either. Occasionally, you’d wake from a nightmare and a lingering darkness would cloud your thoughts, but it always dissipated with the morning light. 

You walked slowly toward the bench where he sat armorless. Din wasn’t wearing a shred of beskar, had not a single weapon on him, as he rested his elbows on his knees and stared into the distance where rolling hills and mountains sat. What made him hard to track was he stayed constantly on the move, but you were surprised that this was where he allowed you to catch up with him. You stopped by his side, Din didn’t turn to look at you, and you followed his gaze to see Grogu far in the distance sitting with Luke Skywalker on the crest of a small mountain.

“I don’t know why I came here.” Din mumbled quietly. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Din⏤”

“I don’t deserve to be here.” He added. Din hung his head down and lifted his hands to rub at his face in exhaustion. He shook his head once. “I was supposed to leave before your ship ever entered the atmosphere, but I… I got stuck.”

That made more sense. In a moment of weakness, he stopped to see his son and he hadn’t been able to tear himself away to flee you like he usually did. You reached out to touch his shoulder, but your fingers only managed to graze his shirt before he pushed to stand began to stalk away.

“Din!” You cried out and followed his brisk pace. He walked back to where his small ship at waiting. “Din, please, wait.”

“Leave, cyar’ika.” Din replied firmly.

“No.” You snapped and raced up the ramp into his ship’s tiny cargo hold to slide into his path to stop him. You expected to see anger in his eyes from your disruption, but the only emotion his large brown eyes conveyed was pain and desperation. You felt your heart ache at the way he stared down at you in misery. You shook your head. “Din, will you please talk to me?”

Din swallowed, his voice was hoarse, “There is nothing to talk about.” 

You reached out to rest your hands on his chest, and he glanced down to stare at them. The bacta tank had saved your hands and left you with full use of them, but the scarring remained. The skin was discolored with burn scars and jagged lines where kyber crystals had pierced your skin and left their mark. 

“This wasn’t your fault, baby.” You whispered as you noticed how intently he was staring at your hands. Din shook his head and tried to pull away from your touch but you tightened your hands into fists⏤ clutching his shirt like a lifeline. “Din, I don’t blame you.”

“You should!” Din suddenly yelled and your eyes widened. His hands wrapped around your wrists as he held your gaze. His voice shook. “You should blame me.” Din took in a sharp gasp. “This was all my fault. I was weak.”

“Din.”

“I remember it all.” Din closed his eyes in agony. “Maker, I⏤ I was manhandled you. I chained you to the fucking wall. Held you hostage.”

“Din⏤”

“Hunted you down like a bounty. Forced you into the position where you had to use your body just to distract me so you⏤ I⏤ Maker. Even if you don’t blame me, cyar’ika, I do. I don’t deserve access to my weapons. I don’t deserve the armor of a Mandalorian. I don’t deserve you.”

You held onto him tighter as he tried to pull your hands away from him. “I love you, Din.” He scoffed. “I do. I love you. The darksaber was to blame for all of that and I stayed by your side because I knew that and I refused to lose you to it. I stayed knowing the risk.” Din’s eyes were still shut tightly, but you could see tears collect in his eyelashes. “And I can’t lose you now.”

“Cyar’ika…” He mumbled.

“Open your eyes.” You demanded. You released his shirt but only so you could cup his face with your hands. Din’s entire body trembled under your touch and his hands squeezed your wrists. “Baby, open your eyes and look at me.” Finally, after an agonizing moment, Din opened his eyes and you offered him a small smile. “I love you.” He let out a shaky gasp. “And I can’t sit idly by while you punish yourself for sins that you shouldn’t have to bear. Please don’t run from me. Please let me stay. I’ll keep following you all over the galaxy if I have to or⏤ or if you don’t want me then I’ll… I’ll stop. If that’s what you really want, then I won’t follow.” Din leaned into your touch. “I’m not trying to control or torture you with my presence, I just… I miss you, baby.”

Din closed his eyes again and loosened his grip on your wrists so he could trace them up and lay them over your smaller hands resting on his jaw. He sighed. “I hurt you.” His thumbs traced the scarred skin on the back of your hands. “I did this to you.”

“No, you didn’t. The darksaber did, and I chose to fight that damned thing.”

“If I had been stronger against it then you never would’ve had to.”

“You had no way of knowing, Din.” You shook your head. “It even took me a while to realize how dangerous that saber was and I’m Force sensitive. Nobody in the galaxy would have been able to resist the influence of that kyber crystal even if they knew what it could do. You were blindsided by it.”

Din opened his eyes. “You resisted against it.”

You pressed your lips together then pulled his face toward yours so his forehead was resting against yours. “I knew what it was doing, and it was still the hardest thing I have ever done.” You admitted. “Even now I still feel that darkness crawling across my skin in the dead of the night. Like a ghost haunting me.” You tightened your grip on his jaw. “But you know how I did it?” Din didn’t respond, but you pressed onward. “I did it because I wasn’t going to let anything take you from me. I was not going to let it keep your soul⏤ I was not going to lose you.” Quickly, you pushed forward a pressed a chaste lip to his lips. “Not then. Not now. I will always fight for you. Even if it’s your own guilt I have to fight.”

“Do you want me, cyar’ika?” Din whispered⏤ his voice so soft and faint you almost thought you imagined it. 

You caressed your thumbs against his cheekbones. “I will always want you, baby. Always.”

To prove your point, you tenderly slotted your lips against his. You stayed motionless, just holding him to you, and you could feel a tear trace the outline of your thumb before reaching his lips. It was as if the taste of his salty tear awakened something in him. Din’s mouth began to move against yours desperately. You shifted your hands down and around his neck to cling to him. Din’s own arms wrapped tightly around your torso so he could pull you flush against his body. 

His lips suddenly left your lips to press sloppy, desperate kisses against your jawline then down your neck. Between every touch of his lips against your skin he whispered an apology or an exclamation of love. You tried to drag his lips back up to yours, but he surprised you by falling to his knees. You gasped and stared down at him. Din rested on his heels as his hands hugged the back of your thighs. He stared up at you in adoration, but you could still see agony there as well.

“I am so sorry.” He pleaded like a man begging in prayer at an altar. “I love you, and I am so sorry. I could spend an eternity reminding you of that and it still would not be enough to express how I feel.” Din leaned forward and rest his forehead against your hip. “Ni cuy’ nass ures gar. Ni cuy’ osi’yaim. Ni cuy’ hut’uun.”

You slowly peeled his forehead away from your hip and his hands off your thighs so you could kneel in front of him as well. You held his face once more and wiped away the lingering tears that stained his cheeks. “Cin vhetin.” Din’s eyes widened at the words. A phrase you had Boba teach you. “That’s what I want.”

“Cyar’ika…”

“I hate seeing you speak so poorly of yourself.” Your bottom lip quivered and your throat felt thick. “It pains me to watch you hate yourself⏤ when I love you so much.” Din sucked in a sharp breath. “So, if you love me still, Din, that’s what you’ll give me. Cin vhetin.”

Din paused before he gave you a curt nod. You pulled him into a tight hug, arms clinging to his shoulders, and you were relieved to feel Din hold you just as securely. As if you were both terrified to feel the other slip away again.

.

[three months later]

.

You woke with a start, eyes snapping open in the dark of your bedroom, and the cold, cruel ghost of the darksaber gripped your spine. It crawled up slowly as you tried to push away the lingering nightmare and piece together your reality. The bed under you shifted as someone climbed in beside you. A heavy hand slipped over your abdomen as Din shifted his closer. His bare chest pressed tightly against your back as he held you close.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” Din whispered in your ear, voice heavy with sleep. “Grogu woke up wanting a glass of water.” That was your reality. You had the love of your life back, and the green boy you and Din both adopted as your own was back in your lives. You, and the ones you loved, were nestled in your cozy home on Nevarro. Din’s lips pressed against your neck. “Riduur?” The new nickname a reminder of the peace that came with your reality. “Are you alright?”

The warmth of his skin against yours cast away the chill the memory of the darksaber brought. One of his bare, thick thighs slid between your legs until every part of you was tangled with every part of him. You let out a soft sigh of content and nodded. “I’ve never been better, baby.”

Din peppered soft kisses against your shoulders and you fell asleep safe in his arms.

.

mando'a translations:

Ni cuy’ nass ures gar: I am nothing without you. Ni cuy’ osi’yaim: I am a despicable person. Ni cuy’ hut’uun: I am a coward. Cin Vhetin: fresh start, clean slate (term indicating the erasing of a person's past when they become Mandalorian, and that they will only be judged by what they do from that point onwards)

.

[here is the dark ending]

[tojiscumdumpster]

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ iv. toji/reader/suguru

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⭑๋࣭ summary page

please refresh your memory of the content warnings that's mentioned on the summary page. this chapter will include s*xual activites.

Toji

 My wife cheated on me. Not a lot of shit can hurt me, but that did. I know I haven’t been the best husband, though, I never expected it to get to the point where she would go fuck someone else. I can’t be surprised that other men are interested in her because look at her— she’s fucking gorgeous. 

 Nice big tits. 

 Curvy body.

 An ass that requires me to hold with both of my hands. 

 Beautiful brown skin that glowed so brightly it makes the sun jealous. 

 Aside from her looks, Y/N has a heart of gold. 

 I was rough around the edges when we first met ten years ago. Still am, but with her? I’m soft. Vulnerable. There’s a side of me that’s reserved for her and her only. She doesn’t pity me for my fucked up past, and she doesn’t try to understand me because although her past isn’t all peaches and cream, she hasn’t experienced what I have. However, she made me feel… reassured. Heard. Emotions that feel foreign to me. Imagine a shitty motherfucker like me who kills people for a living would fall in love and get a girl like Y/N. 

 Luck was on my side the day she agreed on being mine forever, but now? I’m not feeling so lucky. 

 I feel angry. Betrayed. Frustrated. Annoyed. Every negative thing you can think of—all while I’m fucking her. 

 I’ve been pounding into her tight, wet pussy for the past two hours. Time after time making her cum and scream my name until I feel like the fucker that touched her is out her system. 

 I’ve declined Y/N  several orgasms, but still gave her five, going onto six. My right hand finds comfort around her neck while my left is busy rubbing her clit with my thumb. She’s spread out so pretty on the bed for me, tears of pleasure staining her gold shining cheeks. I keep fucking her with no intention of letting up and let’s just say seeing her tits bouncing with my thrusts is the reason why. 

 Well, at least one of the reasons.

 Fuck, I can’t believe I’ve been without her pussy for this long. Ten months to be exact, and despite Y/N sharing what’s mine, her pussy still molds around me. I’m the only motherfucker that can fuck her like a whore, but cherish her like she’s the only woman in the world—because she is… for me. 

 Now when I look at her, I think of that bitch that had the pleasure of knowing what she feels like.

 Suddenly, I’m pissed again. 

 My strokes are hungrier, more passion and anger filled. The harder I fuck her, the louder Y/N and her pussy gets. She’s so fucking wet there’s a puddle forming underneath of all her releases. I love how messy she gets, seeing her cream coat my cock. Y/N is squeezing me so damn hard and she sounds so sweet. 

 “Look at you. A pathetic slut while whimpering on my cock,” I say, mockingly. “Is this how you sound when you let that motherfucker touch you?”

 “T-Toji… Toji, please -”

 “That wasn’t a rhetorical fucking question, Y/N,” I bit out. “Answer me.”

 Her pussy clenches, moaning softly. “No, fuck… ”

 “Open your mouth.” Gosh, I’m so fucking tempted to praise Y/N. I fell in love with her because she’s stubborn, but she always listen to me without hesitation, opening her mouth like a good girl. 

 I formed saliva in my mouth to allow a long and slow string of spit drip into hers, and the minute Y/N swallows, she cums for the sixth time tonight. 

 I chuckle, menacingly. “My spit turns you on that much? You like getting fucked in this tight pussy like a whore? Because that’s what you are.”

  This pussy is so goddamn wet and warm. Tight as shit, too. Fuck, she’s taking me so well. 

 “Oh, God! Fuck, Toji, fuck. It’s too much, baby,” she cries. 

 I apply more pressure to her throat. “Shut up.” I push past every single one of my thrusts and drive deeper in her pussy, rubbing her clit harder than before. “Give me one more.”

 Y/N drew her brows together and opened her mouth to protest, looking so damn pretty. “I… I don’t think I can.”

 “Yes, you fucking can,” I growl. This is the closest praise she’ll get from me tonight. “Greedy fucking pussy still holding onto my cock. I know she wants some more of my cum. Don’t you think, sweets?” I didn’t give Y/N a chance to answer before I released her throat to hold her thick waist tightly. 

 I pull her down on my cock fast and hard, balls slapping her pussy to make the most pornographic sound. She hesitates about putting her hand near my pelvic to relieve the pressure, but I know she wants to prove to me that she can take me. 

  That’s my girl. 

 I continue to fuck her aggressively at a frantic pace, deeper, brutally until my release rushes to the tip of my cock and shoots inside her. This load may be the heaviest, and of course, she cums and squirts on me… again. Fuck, I love it. I pound into her until my dick pops out of Y/N’s pussy due to her wetness. 

 As I come down from my own high, I watch Y/N shake uncontrollably, panting and whimpering like a bitch in heat. She’s so fucking sexy. She cheated on me. Not once, but twice. I shouldn’t be feeling this way about her. Like I’m trying to prove I’m worthy enough to be her husband…

 Vulnerability and insecurity pings my chest. 

 I hate fucking feeling this way. I shouldn’t be running Y/N a warm bath to bring her to, changing the sheets, and going back to the bathroom to wash her. She cheated on me , so she should be catering to me . I know I neglected her. I haven’t told her I love and appreciate her in months. First time fucking her in months. Don’t remember the last time we went on a date. I know I have been a shitty husband, but still…

 The next morning came, but sleep wouldn’t come to me. So I sat up most of the night watching Y/N sleep. I felt like a fucking creep, however, I couldn’t help myself. She’s just so… perfect. And I’m the first motherfucker to say nothing or no one is perfect in this fucked up life… it just doesn’t apply to her. 

 Eventually, Y/N woke up and we’ve been in this comfortable, yet painful silence. Just us staring at each other and having a conversation with our eyes. I look at her and sometimes I still find it hard to believe that she fucking cheated on me. 

 “Why’d you do it?” I didn’t mind the quiet, but my mind would’ve exploded with how loud it’s being right now. 

 Her deep ochre complexion bathed underneath the sunlight that flashes in our room. She looks surreal, like a goddess. Paid millions for a penthouse to have the pleasure of looking at her first thing in the morning. Not like I have been taken advantage of it anyway. 

 She softly sighs. “Explaining to you why I did it will sound like a justification when it’s not.”

 “Just tell me.”

 “I… I thought you didn’t love me anymore,” she says, quietly. 

 “What?” Y/N’s response surprises the hell out of me, but I can tell this conversation is just as heavy as it is for me because tears start streaking down her cheeks. 

 “You haven’t touched me in almost a year, Toji. Every time I tried, you always rejected me. I felt so embarrassed. You don’t even look at me anymore.”

 “I do.”

 She shakes her head. “Not like how you used to. Not like right now, even if you’re mad at me.”

 Hearing her reason hurts me, but I allow her to continue because she looks like she’s just getting started.

 “I wanted attention. I want to feel desired, alive. Appreciated… loved—”

 “You love that motherfucker?” I growled. 

 “No, Toji. Fuck,” she lets out an exasperated breath, sitting up and allowing the sheets to fall from her chest. I can’t pretend I’m not getting hard while seeing her tits swollen and nipples pebbled, but now isn’t the time. “I feel so pathetic explaining to you. Do you really think I love, let alone look at anyone the way I do with you?”

  No.

 “I know you don’t.”

 “I just want to feel like that girl next door again when I was twenty-five and being reckless with a random guy I spent my whole entire night with. Free. Alive… happy. I just want to be happy with you.”

 Even if it’s not what I wanted to hear, this conversation was needed. I will never forget that Y/N cheated on me, but I can somewhat understand. She’s a stay-at-home wife. I told her I didn’t want her to work. We have no kids. It’s been this way for a decade. Y/N gets bored and lonely. Now that she mentions it, I have rejected or ignored her advances when she tries to have sex.

 Our marriage isn’t perfect. I’m fucked up. She fucked up, but she’s my sanity… I’m not willing to throw that away. 

 I deeply sigh. “I hear you, and I’m sorry that I make you feel like I don’t love you. I do. I fucking love you so much. I would give up my life for you. No hesitation. You know that, right?”

 “I know, baby.” Baby… fuck, I miss the way that sounds.  

 “I’ll work on being a better husband, but let me just say this.” My voice darkens, grabbing her chin to force her to look into my eyes. “No more of that motherfucker. You. Are. Mine. No one else's. You. That pussy. All of you belong to me. Don’t fucking share what’s mine again. I make myself clear?”

 All the tears and pain Y/N had before were replaced. Her beautiful big brown doe eyes deepened with hunger and lust. I know she’s turned on. Her nipples are practically screaming at me and she’s squeezing her thighs underneath the sheets. After all that fucking I gave her last night, she’s craving for more. I guess in a way I do have a lot of months to make up for. 

 “What’s on your mind, pretty girl?”

 “I want you fuck me.”

 I chuckle, closing the distance between our lips. “Is that how you ask?”

 “Toji, please come fuck me. I need you, baby.” Begging so fucking sweetly. 

 “Fuck, Y/N.” I crash my lips onto hers and fuck her endlessly like she asked. 

Reader

 Eventually I had to get ready for tonight’s event after being worshiped for hours by Toji. He fucked me with anger last night, but this morning… he made love to me. Our conversation about my cheating and his lack of effort in our marriage led to endless orgasms that put me to sleep until two hours ago. 

 Now we were hand held walking into a mansion the size of a country. 

 The Zen’in Estate. 

 Every year Toji’s cousin, Naoya, throws a huge party where rich people would come together to be snotty and talk about their wealth. 

 Toji and I live a pretty luxury lifestyle, but this party is definitely not our forte. Nonetheless, we come to show our support because that’s the last piece of family Toji has left and their relationship is good. 

 Unorthodox, but good. 

 Speaking of the devil…

 “Cousin Toji. Y/N. It’s nice to see the beautiful couple make it.” Bleached blonde hair. Piercings, standing at six feet tall—Naoya Zen’in. The resemblance between Toji and his cousin never ceases to amaze me. Whatever is in that Zen’in blood runs deep. Hard to believe they’re just cousins. 

 “Y/N, it’s been awhile and I see you’ve only gotten more beautiful since we last saw each other,” he says, giving me a hug and kiss on the cheek. Naoya pulls away, but keeps his hands at an appropriate spot on my back. “Stunning you are. Maybe it’s not too late for you to leave that jackass and come be with me.” Heat crawls in the center of my face at his compliment. I see Naoya is still Naoya. 

 Arrogant, cocky, flirtatious, and bold. Also, handsome. Very handsome, at that. The navy blue suit he’s wearing, where I could tell it’s a custom from how it’s tailored to his body compliments him well. But of course, he knows I’m not interested. 

 Before I opened my mouth to protest, Toji let out a low warning growl and put a possessive hand around my waist to pull me back to his side. “Tread lightly, Zen’in.”

 “Everything okay, Cousin Toji? You seem tense,” he asks, mockingly. 

 “Where’s your wife? I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate how you’re talking to my wife .” 

 Naoya smirks. “I can guarantee you Teresa doesn’t mind. And to answer your question, she excused herself to the ladies room. Should be back any min—ah, there she is!”

 I turn around and smile when I see Teresa walking toward us. Her natural coils are blown straight and cascading down her back. Beautiful brown skin that was a shade deeper than mine. 

 Teresa had curves of a model. Soft and dipped in the right places that filled her backless navy colored gown perfectly. She was beyond gorgeous. How was Naoya able to charm her into a marriage? Not sure. But here we are anyway. 

 I leave Toji's side to give Teresa a tight hug. “Ah, I miss you, T. It’s been too long. You look so beautiful.”

 “I missed you, too, Y/N. And me? Look at you, gorgeous! Tits out, high slit?” she says cheerfully. “I’m surprised Toji hasn’t pulled you to a room yet.”

 Toji chuckles, placing a kiss on Teresa’s cheek. “That’s what I’m planning on doing later. High slit. Better access.” I feel my cheeks warming up and wetness pooling my panties from his words because I know he’s serious. “It’s good to see you, Teresa. See you haven’t left Naoya yet.”

 “Nope. Not yet. Well, I probably can’t,” Teresa teases while placing a hand on her stomach. She moves to Naoya’s side to which he gives her a sensual kiss. “I’m pregnant.”

 “Really? Congratulations. That’s amazing. I finally have a reason to spend more money,” I elated, earning an eye roll from Toji. It’s his money I’m using, as if he cares because his spending habits are just as bad as mine. “How far along are you?”

 “Nine weeks. We just found out two days ago.” The conversation continues with Teresa and I catching up and discussing baby plans while our husbands bicker, as usual. 

 Eating, mingling, and a few glasses of champagne for me, hours later, Toji and I fell into a comfortable silence while swaying to the sound of music. His hand found comfort on the small of my back, causing heat and chills to radiate my body while my cheek rested on his chest to listen to his heartbreaks. Despite the hiccups in our marriage and my infidelity, Toji’s presence has always been comforting for me. I just feel so safe in his arms like if I am, no one will do me any harm. 

 Though, if looks could kill, half of the men in this room would be dead from Toji’s daggered look. 

 I knew how possessive and overprotective Toji was the moment I became his. Any type of male interaction I have, he gets jealous. No exceptions. Not even his cousin, but of course he’s an exception to not feeling Toji’s fist down his throat because he knows he does it to annoy him. 

 And it works every time. I giggle just thinking about it.

 “Something’s funny?” Toji’s deep and raspy voice breaks me from my thoughts.

 “No,” –I looked up at him–“just the alcohol.”

 “Ready to go home?”

 “No. Already trying to snatch me away?” I tease.

 “Maybe. All these motherfuckers keep staring at you, and I know their thoughts aren’t PG.”

 I shrug. “Cons of having a hot wife, no?”

 He smiles. “You look beautiful, Y/N. I don’t know if I told you that already.” He has. Over a dozen times, but who’s counting? I’m definitely not complaining. 

 I did feel gorgeous tonight. My emerald colored asymmetrical dress with a hint of sparkle matched perfectly with Toji’s eye color. Modest, but sexy with a high slit and strapless to show off the fullness of my tits. Light makeup and claw clip hairstyle that had my tendrils framing my face. 

 “Thank you, Mr. Zen’in. You cleaned up well yourself,” I say, rubbing his bottom lip with my thumb. “You look handsome, baby.” Toji’s favorite color is black. Ninety-nine percent of his wardrobe is black, but it’s just something about this black velvet suit hugging his frame that’s heating my core to flames. Not to mention him gelling his hair back. Fuck, I don’t know if it’s the alcohol thinking, which I know it isn’t, but I just want him to myself right now. 

 “What’s on your mind, Mrs. Zen’in?” The same question from this morning that had me struggling to get out of bed.

 “You know what’s on my mind.”

 He smirks, lowering his head to ghost over my ears. “You want me to fuck that tight pussy again? Last night and this morning wasn’t enough for you?” 

 “Toji,” I softly moan. “Just a quick one.”

 He kisses my neck. “Why should I?”

 “Because your horny wife needs you to make her cum.”

 “Shit,” he groans. “When you say it like that, you make it hard for me to resist.” Toji begins palming my ass, no worries about us being in the middle of the party. 

 So I return the favor, subtly massaging his clothed erection. I already knew how uncomfortably hard he was straining against his pants. I don’t know why he’s playing hard to get. 

 “Y/N.”

 “Come fuck me, Toji.” 

 “Fuck.” Toji lets out a low groan before grabbing my hand to guide me away from the party to find a room. 

 I have a smile on my face, truly convinced that I have an addiction to his touch because the pain and pleasure Toji gives me is all that I crave. 

Suguru

 I’ve been here a fucking hour and I have yet to see Y/N. I’m questioning if Satoru lied just to bring me out to get over her, as he would say. I don’t need to get over Y/N. I just need to fucking see her. To taste her, smell her. Hold her and fuck that tight wet pussy of hers. 

 I tried to get Y/N out of my mind by fucking other people, but it didn’t work. Not even a little. No one takes my cock the way she does. 

 I miss her voice, sweet whimpering sounds while I’m pounding into that warm pussy. I miss how messy she got around me. I can’t fucking stand to be without her. I love her so much it hurts. I still can’t believe she ignored me forty-five times.

 I’m honestly trying to remember if I ever pissed her off while we were still in contact. Aside from my asshole like tendencies that seems to charm her, I can’t think of anything. 

 I’m not interested in anyone else. All the women that have approached and continue to can just save their energy. None of them compare to—

 “Y/N.”

 “Huh?”

 Satoru taps my chest. “Y/N. She’s over there. Looks like she is here with her husband.” 

 I look over in the direction Satoru is pointing and fuck . She looks so fucking sexy. So goddamn beautiful. I’m not even in her proximity and my cock is aching in my pants. She’s wearing a dress that’s baring her thick thighs and has the cushion of her tits out on display that bounces every step she takes. Is it possible to become even more breathtaking over the course of two weeks? 

 In Y/N’s case— yes .

 But my arousal and joy only lasts so long until I realize that she’s being whisked away by her husband. My jaws ticked just seeing that. I expected Y/N to be here with that piece of shit to obtain an image, but she looks… happy. The smile on her smile shows excitement, like they’re about to go… no . 

  You gotta be fucking shitting me . 

 I think no further before my legs start moving and head toward their direction. I hear Satoru calling me, asking me where I’m going, but I don’t have time to tell him. He should know.

 By the time I made it to where I last saw Y/N, she had already disappeared from the party and I suspect into the dark hallway where partygoers probably won’t go. 

 There’s so many rooms in this fucking house. I don’t even know where to start. Calling her name out loud wouldn’t be ideal because I don’t want to scare her or sound creepy, but dammit I’m tempted. 

 As I get deeper in the hall, I hear soft moans and gasps coming from the double door room at the end. I know those sweet sounds from anywhere. 

  Y/N.

 But I’m not the reason why. 

 I lighten my steps as I approach the door and press my ear against it to hear better. 

 “Toji, oh, fuck!” Y/N cries. “Right there, baby. Right fucking there.”

  What the fuck?

 I hear everything. The honeyed whimpers. The harsh thrusts. Her pussy taking cock and gushing around it. Y/N pleading for a release, to go harder and deeper like she asked me. All of it reminded me of our first two times together. Gosh, I fucking miss her. 

 I should be mad. Actually, I am. Pissed, but I can’t act like her getting fucked isn’t turning me on. My cock pressing against my pants wouldn’t allow me to lie. I just wish it was me fucking her wet pussy instead of him.  

 If she needed cock, why didn’t she just reply to my calls and messages? I would’ve shown up without hesitation to please her. To relish that succulent pussy I know would taste like paradise—

 The sound of the door jumping startled me, but… they sound closer. 

 “… yours. This pussy is yours, Toji.”

  The fuck it is!

 I’m holding back my willpower to not bust through the doors and fucking kill her husband, but this is the closest thing I can get to Y/N right now. 

 I shouldn’t be doing this, palming my cock and drinking in all of her moans and drenched pussy I hear being pounded. Maybe, just maybe if I tune out her husband’s praises, I could focus on getting off to Y/N. 

 I look around before unbuckling my slacks to free my cock from its restraint. I shouldn’t be surprised that a bead of my precum is already leaking. Spitting on my hand to mix with precum, I used to lubricate my cock to start fisting myself. 

  “Hm, yes. I love your cock, Toji.”

  She loves my cock. 

 “Keep fucking me. Harder…Harder, please .”

 I grip my cock tighter and pick up the speed of my movements. 

  I’ll fuck you as hard as you want.

 “Do you feel lucky to have me, Toji? Tell me how much you love my pussy.”

  Fuck, you know I feel lucky, Y/N. I like that fat wet pussy so much. I love you, Y/N. 

 Heat spreads throughout my body from the excitement me and my cock are feeling. How does she sound so fucking sweet while taking cock? How can pussy be that good? I’m trying to prevent myself from cumming quickly, not wanting to cum until she does, but she’s making it hard. Me , hard. 

 I pump faster. I just wish it was Y/N doing this for me. I wish it was Y/N full and pretty lips stretch around my cock and taking my thrusts like a good girl. She takes me well in her pussy, I just know she would suck me off like a pro. 

 Thinking about it has me throbbing, aching for a touch. A visual of how she looks right now. Panting. Tears pricking. Tits bouncing obnoxiously. Her wetness, cream everywhere. At this point, I’m practically ripping the flesh off my cock.

 I keep my grunts and harsh breaths low enough so only I can hear. I’m so close to coming. I just want Y/N and I to cum together. 

 “Toji! Fuck! God, I’m about to come again.” A sharp cry comes Y/N. I can hear her husband chuckling and to keep it down before someone hears her, but she doesn’t care. 

 I loll my head against the door to steady myself, massaging my balls and stroking myself to Y/N’s climax. I can get caught. I’m in the middle of the hallway jacking myself off to Y/N being fucked like a creep. But I don’t give a fuck. When it comes to Y/N, I’m unhinged. Feral. I think without reason. 

 “Yes.”

  Yes .

 I circle my hand around my cock with eagerness. 

 “Yes.”

 I release my heavy cum filled balls to twist my length with both hands, showing extra love to my tip. 

 “Right there.”

 I’m here, Y/N.

I thrust my hips into my palms while fisting myself.

 “Keep giving it to me, Toji.”

  I’ll give you everything, anything you want, pretty girl. Just cum for me, okay?

 After that… my mind goes blank. My core stills as my release spills out, coating my hand and the door. I tug my bottom lip into my mouth to prevent my moans from slipping. The last time I orgasmed like this was when I fucked Y/N. I needed this. I needed to cum so badly. Of course, it’s not the same because I’m not the one who just fucked her, but this will do for now until I talk to her.

 I didn’t have time to come down from my high before I heard Y/N and her husband fixing themselves to come out. I tuck my cock back in my pants, clean my release off the door, and find a bathroom further down the hall to clean myself up.

 I didn’t expect to jack off to Y/N getting fucked by that jackass. It just happened. I couldn’t miss the opportunity because hearing her come sounds better than having sex with other women. 

 “Fuck, get it together, Suguru,” i mutter go myself. I just can’t help myself when it comes to the woman I love. 

 I leave the bathroom and think to myself how am I going to get Y/N away from her husband so we can talk—alone. Going up to her while she’s next to him wouldn’t be smart because I’m sure the fucker would know it’s me the minute he sees how I look at her. 

 Maybe I should try texting her? 

  No .

 I’ve already texted her twenty-five times. If I make it twenty-six, she’ll think I’m weird and creepy. 

 I don’t want her to have that impression of me. 

 The last thing I want is to involve Satoru in my love life, but I can probably have him–

 Y/N. 

 She’s less than ten feet away from me and alone. Perfect .

 “Y/N!” I call loud enough for her ears only. She turns around, big brown eyes zero in on me, shocked that she sees me, like I’m a ghost. 

 “Suguru? Wh-” I take three long strides to close the space between us before she questions why I’m here or protests. 

 Talking to her in the middle of the hallway wouldn’t be ideal, so I grab her wrist and pull her into the closest room to us, not caring about her objections and attempt to break my hold. I lock the door and pull her into my chest, inhaling her creamy vanilla and warm berries scent I love so much.

 “Y/N, I miss you.”

previous chapter | next chapter

[cinnamon-girl-writes]

new year's day. . . higuruma x reader

drinking with hiromi at a bar. you wish it could be like this forever

fluff, higuruma x reader, set during/before shibuya arc, canon compliant

by @cinnamon-girl-writes

Clink. You shared a glass of whiskey with the man beside you for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

You had been assigned by the jujutsu higher ups to recruit Higuruma several months ago when his cursed technique appeared. He was reluctant at first, but after some time, he agreed to be trained by you and the two of you grew very fond of eachother, although you were both unassuming of just how devoted the other was.

"The man with the blindfold. What was his name again?" he asked.

You sighed, twirling your glass around on the counter, "Satoru Gojo, the greatest sorcerer of our time. He's the one leading most of the fight-"

"Against..." Higuruma filled in, trying to get caught up with the jujutsu world.

"Sukuna. A curse from thousands of years ago who's trying to take over the world again."

"Along with Kenjaku, who's inhabiting Suguru Getou's body. And the curse with the patchwork face." As you confirmed he was correct, Hiromi ran a hand over his face and heaved a long sigh. "This is all so much to digest." You nodded in agreement.

The two of you were quiet for a while. The bartender came around and gave you each a glass of water which you accepted graciously.

Attempting to break the sullen mood, you blurted out, "When I was a kid, I wanted to be a fairy when I grew up." Your comment made Hiromi crack a smile. He turned his face away slightly, laughing a bit to himself when you couldn't see.

"I'm serious! And I really believed it for a while," You leaned back on your barstool, taking a drink from your glass. Hiromi looked at you with endearing eyes which you avoided obliviously.

"It's okay. I always had this dream that I would be a famous actor."

You smiled at him. It really was funny: a man so quiet and patient dreamt of being a celebrity? "I know, I know, it's silly," he says.

"No! It's not silly, I think it's..." you searched for words, "really endearing." You swear you saw him blush. It was quiet for a while again, but it wasn't awkward; it was more like you were soaking in each other's presence. You had known Higuruma for months, but you had never been this alone with him and never in a moment so intimate.

"Have you ever thought about marriage?"

His question surprised you a bit, but you answered honestly. "Yeah. I mean, I wish I could, but in this life there's no room for love, y'know? It's all about saving people." At your signal, the bartender came around and refilled your glasses. "What about you?"

Higuruma paused, considering before answering, "I never really thought I'd meet someone special. Not in my line of work at least," he took a long drink from his glass. "And then my life went off the rails."

You sighed, "Sorry about that."

"But I . . . I have met someone special."

His words drew your attention. "Really? I mean, congratulations," you tried to keep your voice from sounding too disappointed. "Lucky girl. What's she like?"

He ran a hand through his hair, leaning forward. "Well, she's insanely brave. She's talented, one of the best in her field."

You nodded as you listened, interested in who could be so important to him that he'd tell you about them right before a fight where both of you would likely die.

"And she's got a great personality. She makes me think that maybe my life is worth fighting for."

You gave him a sincere smile. "That's really good, Hiromi. I'm happy for you."

He chuckled a little bit, which caught you off guard. What's so funny?

Your eyes met with his. Behind them you saw genuinity and adoration.

"Y/n, the girl is right in front of me."

Oh. Oh. He was talking about you.

In that moment, you weren't really sure what went through your head. There was shock and love and happiness and everything else. So you leaned in, grabbed Hiromi by the tie, and kissed him.

The feeling of his lips flush against yours was something you'll never forget until the day you die. They were pillowy and plush and he tasted like whiskey and cinnamon.

He kissed you back, harder than you'd anticipated. He kissed with passion and grief and longing. Every emotion you've felt in the past six months came rushing in then, all at once, in a beautiful rush of adrenaline.

All too soon, the kiss ended and you pulled away enough to look in his eyes. "Hiromi, I . . ."

"I know. I know."

He pulled you in by the back of your neck for another kiss, this one shorter but slower and more meaningful.

He took a shaky breath. "We probably don't have much time left but . . . what we have left I'd like to share with you."

And then you smiled, and in that moment, it felt like everything would be alright in the world if you could only have this moment.

[kokomiin]

I didn't want to have to do this but I am currently being harassed by somebody I worked for with no sign of letting up, so here it is. Some of you might remember me working on an RPG called Moonatic since last month. I was contacted by this person in early December to be the artist for the game, after seeing how many people were working on it I decided to accept, but everyone involved was working out of goodwill under the promise that we would eventually be paid. I was encouraged by the director to work at maximum capacity every day, I am aware that I have an especially fast art output compared to some people, but this still takes work and energy as I am a human being. If I was only able to complete one piece in a day, he would comment on that being "a shame" and would point out if I finished my work day earlier than him due to exhaustion even if I had actually gotten things done. I kept working hard every day because I genuinely believed in the project and thought this kind of crunch wouldn't be permanent, and I didn't want to cause friction between myself and the director by complaining which I now realise was a huge mistake. Whenever I took a day off I had to announce it, there was no set schedule and I believe he would have me working every day if possible.

My friends can attest to the decrease in my physical and mental health before I even realised how I was being affected by this. The director also initiated a friendship with me as well as me being his employee, I accepted but over time personal boundaries were crossed, he made judgements about some things in my personal life and just two days ago, the day before I decided to resign, he implied a romantic interest in me knowing full well that I'm in a relationship. This was a breaking point for me and I had to reevaluate everything, after discussing with many people I decided it was best for everyone if I left. But when I gave the director my resignation, explaining to him the stress I was under and how I was uncomfortable with how he spoke to me, but that I would still let them use my work for the project, he immediately reacted with a mental spiral, blamed me for the project failing and even now still refuses to contact me directly.

A few weeks ago he insisted on purchasing a VR Headset for me, which I declined multiple times due to the cost and because I didn't ask for it in the first place, but around my birthday when he kept insisting I decided to accept, considering it my compensation for the month's worth of free labour I had done. I drew many character design sheets, environments, a comic, promotional artwork, helped to finish the trailer's storyboard and had begun animating it, with only a few days of breaks. I left the project because of stress and a lack of personal boundaries that were caused by him, and now this person is spamming me with payment requests to give him back the money for this gift. He claims it as a work tool, but when we talked about him getting it for me he treated the 'work' aspect as an excuse and said he really wanted to hang out with me in VR after work. Now he is declaring it as a work tool that needs to be repaid if not shipped back. A VR headset is not at all a necessary tool for this project, which is an RPG game developed in game maker.

I'm genuinely afraid about what else this person might do as he is blaming me for the project failing as though it was my own, and refusing to take responsibility for his treatment of me. If you are an artist, in the future please avoid any company with the name Andel in it. If I end up being forced to pay back the price of my free labour :') I'll open emergency commissions, ok?

screenshots under the cut (i'm pretty shaky right now so I forgot to add some, the ones related to my resignation have been added now)

[inspiringgrowth]

We Men Are Wired for Strength

Part of what it means to be male and to be a man in general involves strength; being strong and using the strength to do things. It gets even better when we do things that benefit not only ourselves but others as well. And as we get stronger, we naturally want to do more of this being a constructive part of people's lives. It's a great feeling when we engage in this process. I saw it in my father and as I get stronger and more upright, I'm seeing it in myself.

As I get stronger people around me seem to be taking notice. Not only in my looks but also in my helpful, loving and positive actions.

I'm psyched; however, I wasn't always this way. In fact, my life started off lacking strength and health. I was frequently sick, weak and in pain. I became depressed and others around me not seeing what they expected, behaved badly toward me. There were times when I returned home from school with blood streaming down my face as my peers would hit me with their books and even rocks. Not everyone was like this. There were compassionate people I could connect with, and I am grateful for them. They gave me hope.

On an aside, to this day I don't know for sure why other kids wanted to hurt me. Did my having a different ethnic background bother them? Was it my physical weakness? Was it because I was traumatized by the violence around me? Or was it just meant to be. . . I know one thing; it drew me close to God.

Even so, four years ago, it all came to a head and in a burst of anger. I through a very large heavy object. The movement ended up herniating one of the discs in my back. The pain was unbearable. I kept pressing on though hoping and believing that God would get me through it. It was very difficult to do my work but my work at the time was all I had going for me, so I pressed on through the pain.

I also went to physical therapy and did the exercises prescribed. At first it was minimally helpful. Then 6 months ago the PT said she was moving to another state. She said to me that even though my core was much stronger after 4 years of doing the exercises, I still had pain and perhaps it would benefit me to go to a gym and start lifting weights and maybe even start a bodybuilding program. It was her idea that the muscles around my core needed to be built up. She gave me strict guidelines to prevent aggravating the disc. I agreed and got started. Within 3 months of consistent diet and exercise as prescribed, all the pain receded.

This was a huge turning point for me. I am now stronger and healthier than I have ever been. I am so happy to not only do things for myself without pain, but I can also help others with this newfound strength and energy. I feel great!

We men are wired for strength and the more we get stronger and use our strength to help others the more we are who we were made to be. We get this strength by keeping our eyes on God and working consistently on ourselves while helping others.

[persondoingstuff]

A father who doesn’t care what if: Maverick cared

So I’m sitting in my bed at 1:30 am and get this amazing idea of: what if Maverick was in Grace’s life, he was an actual father, and he got sent on a deployment and didn’t come back

Inspired by one line in Burning Pile by Mother Mother

Maverick never got mail. But here, in front of him was a letter addressed to him. No one sent him letters, he couldn’t think of a single person who would sent him a letter

With a face painted with confusion he opened the envelope and pulled out of folded piece of notebook paper. The writing looked a bit messy, like the person writing was in a hurry, or maybe tired?

But he read the letter, it would be rude if he didn’t.

‘Pete, you better remember me. We spent a few days together 9 months ago now, I’m pregnant and gave birth April 28 to a baby girl, who I named Grace. She’s your’s I’m sure of it. Be apart of your kids life, please. I live at the same house as when you were here.

With love, Avery’

Maverick sat frozen to his bunk for a while just reading the letter again and again. He remembered spending time with Avery after reading the letter. He couldn’t believe it. He was a dad, he had a kid, he helped bring life into this world. Goose would have been ecstatic for him.

After he dumbstruck for a short time he rushed to grab a paper and pen. He swiftly wrote a response saying how he would visit as soon as he was on land again in 6 weeks, he couldn’t wait to be with Avery, and he couldn’t wait to be a dad.

He sent the letter back hoping Avery would receive it soon. The next 6 weeks went by slower than Maverick would she liked. He kept thinking about parenthood, and how he would marry Avery. Even when he first met the woman he fell in love, that’s why it hurt so much to say bye.

Once Maverick reached land he rushed off to go see Avery. He drove with haste to start this new chapter of life. As he drew near to Avery’s home he started to feel fear creeping into his head.

When he was in front of her house he started getting thoughts of backing out, leaving. But he didn’t let himself, he got out of the car, walked up to the door, and rang the doorbell. He waiting for someone to answer the door. And when it finally opened he saw the woman he fell head over heals for with a small baby sleeping in her arms.

And that was the night that changed Pete Mitchell’s life forever.

Avery and Maverick started dating shortly after they reconnecting. It was hard being a dad and being a pilot but he wouldn’t trade it for the world. Seeing Grace’s face light up when he came home from deployment made everything worth it.

Seeing her first steps and hearing her first words was magical. He’ll deny it but he cried a little bit. Even if someone said they saw him he’d deny it until he died

When Grace started school she was nervous, like most kids, and she didn’t want to leave her parents. Maverick was there to talk her down, having experience in talking people through their nerves, and by the time Maverick was done talking she was now excited to go to school.

When Grace asked him to come to school for Fathers Day he was delighted. He came to school in his flight gear to try to impress everyone else in the classroom. Graces eyes lit up when he walked through the door, she rushed to give him a hug.

When Grace was ten she got new neighbors. Bradley Bradshaw and his mom Carole, turns out Maverick new her late husband. The two families quickly became close, the kids joint at the hip and practically lived at the other persons house.

They both had the same ambition to follow in their dad’s footsteps and become naval aviators. Grace never saw it but when he heard her say that it broke his heart a little bit.

He wanted to have a talk with Grace about his concerns with her choice of work. But he felt he had to prepare and rehearse what to say. But he never got to plan anything out because he got orders to go on a top secret mission.

It was dangerous, like, “might not come home if you weren’t super duper careful” kind of dangerous. He was given 2 weeks notice to say all his friends and family. He didn’t realize how difficult it would be to say goodbye to his 15 year old daughter.

Grace watched her father leave on a ship with one of her moms arm around her tightly, the other around Bradley.

The mission was 2 weeks long and Grace spent those 2 weeks as a ball of nerves. No matter what anyone said she was still anxious. She could hardly focus in school during those 2 weeks.

All her teachers knew about her situation as Grace had told them that her dad was deployed and might not come home. They all sympathized her and took it easy on her as they knew how hard it must be.

At the end of the 2 weeks Grace, Avery, and Bradley rushed to the dock to see Maverick come home. Grace could see it now, her father walking off the ship, her running into his arms, he would squeeze her right in his strong arms. It was so close she could almost smell the jet fuel and sweat in his shirt.

But her dream was crushed when a man in uniform came up to them and saluted to the small family. Grace would have collapsed if it wasn’t for the fact that she was frozen.

Instead of her dads arms around her it was her moms. It wasn’t her dads smell that she smelt, it was her moms floral perfume that she always wore when Maverick came home.

Grace wrapped her arms around her mom back and broke down, let the flood gates free.

“Sailed away and he never came back again”

Grace’s dream of being pilot only grew from there. She wanted to better than her dad, safer, made sure everyone came home, made sure she came home.

Grace became Bradley’s back seater as to always have his back.

Grace always flew with a picture of her dad. She knew how much he loved to be in a jet, flying in a way that’ll get him in trouble later. But Grace thought that if she had a picture of him she’d be taking his sprite to one of his favorite places.

Because he was a father who did cared

A/N: thank you so much everyone who’s liked this series. If anyone has any requests for this series I’d be happy to write those 😊. It only took me a month to finally finish this…. Anywho have a wonder rest of your day!

[rurulaura]

Meiko and Meicoomon day 4: Kindness

Healing

A month has passed since Meicoomon retunred to Meiko, but she still hasn’t opened up to the others. Mimi is impatient and can’t wait any longer, so she visits Meiko with a guest.

Mimi knocked on Meiko’s door with Palmon in tow. They had traveled to Tottori with no problem thanks to the digital gate. She had let Meiko know in advance she would be visiting, but not that she would be bringing a friend along.

Meicoomon may have finally come back to Meiko in a miraculous turn of events, but the girl still felt she did had no right to hang out with them. Anytime any of the Chosen would reach out to invite her, she would respectfully decline. 

“Thank you Ken.” Mimi gave him a warm smile. 

“I’m glad to help in anyway I can.” He returned her smile with a soft one of his own, Wormmon was happily perched on his arm.

Meiko came and opened the door. “Hi, Mimi. Long time no see.” She gave her a soft smile, Meicoomon, now a alternatively colored Plotmon hid behind Meiko’s leg clinging to her like a shy child. 

“Hi...” The dog Digimon spoke above a whisper, scared about how the others would see her. She was sure everyone hated her for everything she did. 

“Oh, who’s this?” Meiko flinced looking at Ken, at first she recognized his face as of the Mysterious Man that was attacking  her and her friends only months ago. But she immediately knew that was merely a fake.

“This is Ken Ichijouji and Wormmon!” Mimi’s face changed from a big grin into a warm smile. ”I brought them along because I want to hear something.”

“It’s a pleasure.” Ken and Wormmon gave a courtesy bow..

“Oh,” Meiko’s hand dropped in uncertainty. “Let me get drinks and snacks for everyone, at least.”

Meiko set out snacks and drinks at the table that sat in the kitchen. The Digimon were happily munching away on comically large portions.

“Meiko,” Ken shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I’m sorry if I am intruding. Please, know everyone only means means the best and malice. They asked me to come to help you and Meicoomon overcome grief.”

Meiko hummed, her eyes staring down at her drink. “No, I’m not mad.” She shook her head. “I appreciate everyone’s concern. It’s just better if I wasn’t around.”

“That’s where you are wrong Meimei!” Mimi blurted with a mixture of frustration and sorrow, this conversation had occurred many times over the last 4 months since that battle. “We want you around! We want to spend time with you. You are our best friend!”

Meiko gave a small smile, still looking downcast. 

“Meiko, if I may...” Ken took a deep breath, taking a sip of his drink. “I once felt like you did. That I deserved no second chance, that since I was the cause of the destruction. Only I should fix it. That I also deserved no help. You may be shocked to hear this. But I was the enemy that had to be defeated..” He grimaced, having to remember. 

“That guy that was attacking you and your friends stole the face of someone I used to be. He stole my face from a terrible in my life.” 

“That was your face? From the festival?” Meiko looked up, shocked. 

Mimi nodded. “That’s what made us realize something really bad had happened to Ken and the others. Because that persona would never make a return...” Mimi shut her eyes and vigorously shook her head. “Never in a million years!”

“Yes... I had taken on the persona of the Digimon Kaiser.” He winced. “I treated the Digimon as pawns and even killed them. I hurt so many Digimon... I almost got people killed.” He drew a shaky breath. “I thought it was all a game.”

Meiko looked up at Ken,. “I can’t believe that. Not after getting to know you...”

“I even went as far as mistreating my partner Digimon.” Ken glanced at Wormmon, who had stopped eating to look at his friend for comfort. “I hurt him. I hurt him and threw him away. I denounced him as my partner and created a rampaging monster.”

“So you were a bad partner too?” Plotmon stared at Ken with teary eyes.

“Meichan!” Meiko scolded. “I’m sorry, she didn’t mean it like that.”

Ken shook his head. “No, it’s alright. You are right.” Ken directed his gaze at Plotmon. “I was a bad partner. I hurt him, and he died trying to stop me. To bring me back to my senses. “

Plotmon’s eyes widened, tears streaming down her face. It was true that she felt she was a monster that only hurt her partner and nearly killed her. Everything that happened was her fault and in order to stop their suffering, she knew she had to die. 

“I love Ken. I always loved how kind and soft he was. Of course I was willing to die for him. But it’s a burden I carry too. That I couldn’t do more.”

Meiko looked down at her partner Digimon, placing a hand on her head. My voice could no longer reach Mei-chan... I was supposed to be her partner to stop her...

“Part of the reason I lost myself was because I had a dark seed embedded in my neck. “ Ken subconsciously touched the back of his neck. “It amplified grief and anger I felt from the death of my older brother. That’s no excuse for all the terrible things I did. But what’s important is now I know how to prevent that from happening again. And I can move forward to make things right.”

Ken looked between the two with begging, sorrowful eyes. “So, please. Stop blaming yourself.” Ken’s expression showed emotional exhaustion, but relief to share his story. “It doesn't fix anything. Cutting yourself off from everyone makes it worse. What happened then... You can start making up for it...”

“You two really care about each other. I can tell.” Wormmon adjusted himself to look between the two. “It wasn’t an easy decision to choose to end your partners life. We know that. They know that. But you knew what was best for eachother.”

“Yeah, we get that.” Mimi reached over and held Meiko’s hands. “Remember when we were in the Digital World and we were talking about how our relationships with our partners were imperfect?” She gave Meiko a small smile. 

“I meant it, on varying degree... We’ve put our partners through a lot... and we owe them a lot for sticking with us.  But we grew from them. We are better thanks to them. So please. Don’t cut yourself off.” Tears started to stream down her face. “Don’t try to carry this burden alone.” She sobbed. 

“Because you aren’t alone, you aren’t the only one!” Mimi wrapped her arms around Meiko and softly cried. 

“Mimi...” Meiko hicupped as she as well began to cry. “Thank you...” 

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Inner City Blues

Syverson x Fem!Reader

vignette: Ethan Syverson was a country boy through and through. But maybe there's one woman who can finally convince him to give the city life a chance.

words: 6,500+

a/n: once again, shoutout to @just-chirpin for her help.

masterlist

Syverson didn’t know what had come over him.

The only thing he understood was that he missed her.

God, he fucking missed her so much.

It had been just over a month since Y/N had left.

And Syverson’s life had gone to shit. He hadn’t slept a full night since. He was in such a foul mood, that his workers on the farm tiptoed around him. His friends didn’t tease him when he drank twice as much when they went out. Other women were practically invisible to him. He ate the same meals every day because it all tasted bland to him anyway.

Now Syverson stood at LaGuardia airport, waiting in line for a cab.

He had to ask Layla for Y/N’s address in New York City. And to his surprise, she didn’t say a word or ask a single question, just gave him a sympathetic look as she wrote it down and handed it to him.

It was a Saturday morning. Traffic wasn’t great. As soon as Sy’s cab pulled away from the airport, he was met with pollution and noise.

He didn’t realize he was holding his breath in until he saw the city’s skyline and he let out a giant exhale.

In that moment, he understood. He understood what drew people here, that other places couldn’t give them. Hell, there wasn’t anything even remotely similar in Texas – not even in the major cities.

When the cab pulled over, Sy handed the driver a wad of cash and tried not to think about how much a 20-minute ride cost.

Sy looked up at a sixth-floor walk up. He knew Y/N lived on the third floor, and Layla gave him the apartment number.

Fuck. What if she hated that he came?

Why hadn’t he thought of that before making such a ridiculous, spur-of-the-moment decision?

That wasn’t like him. Sy thought through everything. It was what he was trained to do and what had been conditioned into his already prepared personality.

But he was also trained to ignore his fear, to fight through it.

Sy buzzed 3C.

There was no answer.

Maybe she wasn’t home.

Sy decided pretty quickly that he was just going to wait.

So he sat on her stoop, laying his duffle bag at his feet.

He told himself he’d give it an hour. Any longer, and he would feel like a creep.

Y/N was her own woman. She didn’t owe him anything. It’s not like he told her he was coming. He was about to thrust this surprise onto her.

As he waited, Sy thought about the last time he’d seen Y/N.

He’d gotten too used to saying goodbye to people. But saying goodbye to her had been the hardest one in his life.

——

Y/N had felt sick since she’d woken up.

She was leaving.

How could a year go by so quickly?

Layla sat on Y/N’s bed as she packed up.

“You know, you can stay another year,” Layla frowned. She was taking this even harder than Y/N was. “You can stay forever!”

Y/N smiled at her cousin’s ridiculousness. “I really can’t. My sublet moved out two weeks ago. I’m gonna have to start paying rent again.” She sighed. “And you’re gonna have to start planning a wedding soon.”

“Exactly!” Layla argued. “I need your help!”

“No, you don’t.”

Layla sighed in disappointment.

And then she decided she wanted to talk about something else. “Have you two talked?”

“Who?”

“Don’t you play dumb. You and Sy.”

“He’s driving me to the airport, isn’t he?”

Layla glared at her cousin. “Y/N.” Her voice was stern and serious.

Y/N threw up her hands in frustration. “What is there to say, Layla?”

“I don’t know,” she sassed back. “Maybe how you feel about him? Or maybe what ya’ll are gon’ do now?”

“There’s nothing to do,” Y/N sighed in annoyance.

To her surprise, Layla didn’t respond.

It made Y/N look up at her cousin.

“It ain’t a sin to admit the truth, Y/N.” Layla sounded sad.

Maybe it was hard for people to believe, but Layla was really rooting for Y/N and Syverson. She wasn’t just trying to stir the pot and give herself entertainment. She saw the way Y/N looked at him and she had never seen Y/N act that way around a man before. And Layla had known Sy almost as long as her cousin. And he had never seemed happier. The two made sense – despite their now geographical struggles.

Y/N cleared her throat, stopping her emotions from coming through. “I can’t. OK.”

Layla give her a sympathetic look and just nodded.

“Can we stop talking about it now?” Y/N begged.

Layla nodded again.

“I really loved having you here,” she told her instead. “I feel like everything’s ‘bout to change.”

Y/N looked at her with concern. “What do you mean?”

“I’m about to get married. My life is about to change. You ain’t gonna wanna hang out with me after that.”

“What?!” Y/N laughed. “What are you talking about? You and Aiden are practically married already. What could possibly change? Of course I’ll want to hang out with you!”

“It’s strange,” Layla mumbled as she looked around at her house. “I’ll never live alone again. I won’t be a single girl. I’ll be somebody’s wife. Eventually I’ll start popping out babies. And I’ll look back at this time as if I was a different person.”

“Do you not want those things?” Y/N asked carefully.

“Of course I do. I want everything with Aiden. But sometimes I hate that I can’t have both, ya know?”

“I think I do, yeah.”

They heard the front door jiggle open.

“That’s Aiden,” Layla told her. “He’s here for damage control once you leave.”

“Dramatic,” Y/N laughed.

“Hey! At least I ain’t scared of my feelings!”

Aiden knocked on the door frame as he appeared. “You ladies saying your goodbyes?”

Layla practically wailed. “Don’t remind me!” And threw her face into a pillow.

Aiden tried not to laugh at his fiancé and switched his gaze to Y/N. “Sy takin’ you to the airport?”

Y/N just nodded.

The time to leave came far too quickly.

Layla was a puddle of tears by the time Sy got there.

When the bear of man got out of his truck, he was his usual stoic self.

Y/N didn’t know what else she had expected.

“Those ready to go?” He asked her as he pointed to the bags at her feet.

Y/N nodded.

Sy just nodded back and silently started loading them onto the back of his truck.

Obviously he was trying to give her space and privacy to say her goodbyes.

“Come back whenever you want. I mean it. Even if it’s just for a week,” Layla managed to tell her through her tears.

Y/N gave her hug, trying to soothe her cousin.

“And that offer still stands once she’s at my place,” Aiden added with a shy smile.

Y/N gave him a grateful smile and gave him a hug next.

Sy had been watching from a distance, leaning against his truck with his arms crossed.

Y/N slowly walked over to him, tears already drying on her cheeks.

“Ready to go?” He asked her gently.

She just sniffed and wiped from of her tears away.

Then Y/N felt her backpack being removed from her shoulder.

That damn man. He couldn’t even let her carry a backpack.

When Y/N got into the passenger seat, Aiden had his arms wrapped around Layla on the porch as she cried and waved at them.

Just as they pulled out of the driveway, Sy turned to Y/N and said, “Darlin’, I ain’t afraid of your tears. Don’t gotta go and hide ‘em from me.”

There was no middle console in Sy’s pickup. So Y/N slid all the way over to his side and wrapped her grip around his right arm and leaned her head on his shoulder. When she first settled there, Sy kissed the top of her head, silently telling her that he had no issue with it.

They didn’t talk, just drove in silence, awaiting the end of it all.

To Y/N surprise, Sy didn’t pull up to the departures ramp, instead going down to the parking lot. Figured the man wouldn’t just drop her off and go. He wanted every last minute he could with her, even if it cost him overpriced airport parking.

Sy only let Y/N carry her backup and carried the rest of her stuff to baggage claim.

As soon as all her luggage was checked, Y/N felt the weight of their inevitable goodbye.

Sy walked her to the security line, but she didn’t join it yet.

All of the sudden, Y/N was crying.

He instantly responded by pulling her into his arms. He didn’t tell her to stop crying or that everything would be OK. He just held her and rubbed her back, allowing her the safety of his arms as her emotions escaped.

Eventually Y/N had to pull away, even though her heart was screaming at her not to.

The two of them looked into each other’s eyes.

‘I love you': It was hovering over them, taunting them and pressuring someone to finally say the words aloud.

But they both couldn’t do it.

“Thank you for driving me,” Y/N said instead.

He sighed, “Don’t gotta thank me.” Then he pushed some hair off her face and wiped a few of her tears away.

“Can you do me a favor?” Sy asked seriously.

She nodded.

“Call me once you get back to your apartment,” he requested. “Just wanna make sure you get back safely and there ain’t any issues with your place.”

Her heart quivered with the request, but she nodded again as she tried not to burst into tears once again.

“Go on, now.” Sy nodded towards the security line. “You got a plane to catch.”

Y/N looked at the line and then back at him, almost as if she were scared.

And before she could change her mind, Y/N leaned up and kissed Syverson.

It was their last kiss – and it felt like it.

“I hate this,” Y/N whispered into his lips after they pulled away.

“I know, darlin’.”

Then, to her horror, he gave her a quick kiss to her head and started walking backwards, separating himself from her.

“Go on,” he nodded to security.

‘Go after him. Stay,’ a voice was screaming at her.

But Y/N couldn’t do it.

So, she took a deep breath and headed towards security.

—

The skyline was the only comfort waiting for Y/N back in New York.

It felt like no time had passed, the city was the same.

It took Y/N a moment to realize that she was the one who had changed.

Y/N waited for that typical wave of comfort and relief when you walk back into your home after a long trip.

But it never came.

It didn’t smell like her anymore. Her subletter’s perfume or candles or overall pheromones had erased Y/N from the apartment.

She sighed, nearly falling onto the edge of her bed and looked around.

“Home sweet home,” Y/N mumbled to herself.

Then she remembered her promise to Syverson.

She grabbed her phone and pressed his contact.

“Hey, darlin’.” He greeted on the second ring.

The pet name almost felt wrong now. Like it had expired – or like she wasn’t deserving of it now that she’d left.

“Hi,” she said slowly.

Y/N hadn’t expected that just hearing his voice would make her feel so terrible. Fuck. She already missed him and it hadn’t even been 12 hours.

“Feel good to be home?”

Y/N hesitated before simply humming, “Mhmm.”

She knew if he tried to actually speak, she would burst into tears.

And what good would that do?

“You alright?” He asked her.

God, she was so selfish. All he did was worry about her. It’s not like this was any easier for him. But all he worried about was her.

“I don’t know how to do this, Sy.”

She heard him let out a heavy sigh.

“Y/N, I don’t have to disappear from your life.”

“It’s just…fuck…I miss you already.”

“You once told me you can get any food you want at any time of day

“Yeah,” she sniffed.

“So hows about you order something you’ve been craving for the last year? I think we both know that would make you feel better.”

The food didn't make her feel any better. Neither did the bottle of wine she drank by herself.

———

15 minutes after Sy sat down on Y/N’s stoop, he saw her.

She had chunky headphones on and had two canvas bags hanging off each shoulder, nearly overflowing with groceries. He could tell they were heavy and digging into her shoulders.

Y/N was zoned out, only walking quickly to reach her apartment faster and to be done with such an annoying errand.

It wasn’t until she’d crossed the street in a jaywalk that she noticed Syverson.

Y/N stopped dead in her tracks, clearly in shock.

Was she imagining this? Had she completely lost it?

All Sy said was, “Hey, darlin’,” and she was snapped out of her trance.

Y/N dropped her groceries to the ground and ran to him.

Sy chuckled as he lifted her into his arms and spun her around.

“What are you doing here?” She finally managed to ask, almost in a whimper.

“I just…” Syverson suddenly realized he hadn’t come prepared with an answer for this question. “I missed you,” he admitted.

Her face softened, and she hugged him again.

“I missed you, too.”

She mumbled it in his chest and it was as if she was releasing a tension in her body that she’d had since leaving Texas.

“Listen, I know this was all a surprise. You weren’t expecting me. And you got a life,” he began explaining. “I have a military buddy who lives in Queens. Said I could stay with him no problem.”

Y/N laughed at him. “Sy, shut up. You can stay at my place. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Did you just tell me to shut up?” He tilted his head to the side.

“I did,” she giggled. “Welcome to New York, Ethan Syverson.”

Then she started walking towards her discarded groceries.

“I got ‘em,” Sy came out of nowhere and picked up the two reusable bags, as well as his duffle bag.

She gave him a playful glare.

“Ain’t gotta give me that look,” Sy sighed. Then he nudged his head towards the doorway. “You gon’ let us up or what?”

Y/N shook her head at his southern manners and walked past him, up the stoop.

Just as she opened the door to the building, she hesitated and turned to him nervously.

“It’s…ummm…not much. My place, I mean. It’s really small.”

“Y/N, it don’t matter to me,” he told her gently.

Was she expecting him to make a rude comment about it? Did other people from out of town do that?

Sy would never. Not that he even cared, but it was rude above all else.

Three floors up and Y/N opened the apartment door, walking in first and quickly turning on lights.

It was a studio apartment. And she was right: it was very small. But most New Yorkers would consider her lucky.

“Home sweet home,” Y/N sighed with a nervous laugh.

Sy could tell that she liked her place – and it was so…her.

He was so used to seeing her in Layla’s home, that he didn’t realize he’d never been lucky enough to see the intimate and personal side of Y/N’s life: her home, her oasis, her escape from the world.

“Cozy,” he answered. “I like it.”

Y/N stared at him for a second as he carefully laid her groceries on the kitchen counter.

Sy noticed her watching him. “…What?”

“Nothing,” she laughed softly. “You just…You look so much bigger in my apartment. Or my apartment looks so much smaller with you in it. Can’t decide which one it is.”

“Pretty sure it’s me,” Sy joked as he smirked at her.

“You must be starving. What do you want to eat?” Y/N asked, clearly wanting to keep their conversations light. Her eyes lit up. “We’ve got every type of cuisine in the world at our fingertips. Anything that you’ve always wanted to try?”

“You pick.”

“Nooo!” She whined. “Come on! You have to be craving something.”

“Ummm,” he rubbed his beard. “A burger sounds nice.”

Y/N’s disappointment was evident.

New York had Ethiopian, Indian, French, Romanian – literally anything anyone could ever want.

“Burger it is,” she sighed, trying not hide her disappointment now.

But she quickly changed the subject.

“Listen, I have a friend's birthday thing tonight. It’s super casual and just at a dive bar. Would you come with me? We can grab dinner before and head there after.”

“I ain’t trying to impose,” he scratched the back of his neck and shifted his weight. “Guess I didn’t think this whole thing through, huh?”

“Hey,” she stepped close to him. “You’re not imposing. It was a good surprise. The best, actually.”

“Sure I won’t be intruding if I come?”

“I promise. My friends know about you,” Y/N didn’t meet his gaze as she admitted that. “They’ll probably interrogate you once they realize who you are.”

“Think I can handle a bit of interrogation,” he chuckled.

Sy tried not to dwell on the fact that all her friends knew about him.

What had she told them? Would he agree with all the facts she gave them? Or would he be upset with Y/N’s retelling of their story?

“I’m gonna shower real quick. Feel free to make yourself at home. TV has pretty much every streaming service.”

He just nodded.

Since the studio had no walls besides the bathroom, it left little room for privacy.

Sy noticed that Y/N had tried to subtly grab clothes to change into and bring them to the bathroom with her.

He had seen her naked more times than he could count. But it was like they had moved backwards. There was an awkward uncertainty between them now.

Had all that trust and vulnerability, that Syverson had slowly earned, vanished already?

When Y/N emerged from the bathroom, she was fully dressed.

And Sy couldn’t help but notice that her clothes were not the ones he had grown used to over the past year.

He quickly realized that he was seeing the New York version of Y/N. And she looked much different than the girl he met, who desperately tried to fit into the new and strange environment of Texas.

Sy tried not to stare as she did her hair and makeup. But that was a bit of a challenge.

Y/N seemed tense and nervous.

‘Was this a mistake?’ Sy wondered. ‘Was he making her uncomfortable and she was just too polite to tell him?’

“Ready?” Y/N finally asked as she shoved some things into a small purse.

He stood up from the couch.

“You look very pretty,” he commented lightly.

Y/N blinked at the compliment and looked down at her outfit. “Really?”

“Why do you sound so surprised?” He asked with a bit of a smirk.

“I-I don’t know. Just caught me off guard, I guess…”

“Come on, darlin’. Let’s get something to eat.”

As they walked to the subway, Y/N gave her survival tips to Syverson. “Treat the sidewalk like you would a highway. Don’t slow down for no reason. Don’t stop out of nowhere. Stay on the right. And walk fast.”

Sy grinned as he watched Y/N walk with such purpose, swerving past the crowded Manhattan sidewalks.

Y/N smiled back at Sy when she caught him watching her.

“Come on, handsome.” She teased before grabbing onto his hand, weaving their fingers.

He expected her to let go once they were through a crowded area, but she didn’t. And her grip was firm, making it clear that she wanted to hold his hand.

“There’s no such thing as personal space with public transport. Just gotta shove your way in,” Y/N tried to warn him as the subway doors opened.

And Sy hated it instantly.

But he didn’t mind that Y/N leaned close to him as she held the bar above her, their torsos practically attached. He could smell her perfume, and it was a relief to know that at least that felt familiar.

They were only two stops away when a man shoved his way past them to get out. He knocked Y/N’s shoulder so hard that she actually stumbled a bit, causing Sy to quickly grip her waist to steady her.

Y/N didn’t even seem to notice or care.

But she looked up to see Sy’s jaw clenching and him glaring at the back of the man’s retreating figure. And she realized what had upset him.

Y/N placed a hand on his chest soothingly and looked into his eyes, silently telling him that it was OK and he could relax. She added a quiet laugh as if to make light of the incident.

Once they got to the restaurant, Syverson seemed to finally relax a bit. He felt more in his element. The restaurant drowned out the overwhelming sounds of the city.

Sy noticed how no one paid them any mind as they walked in. There wasn’t the nosey gawking that happened everywhere in Texas, because you were bound to run into someone you knew.

But not here. No one knew who he was and no on seemed to care.

It was oddly refreshing.

And it finally seemed like Y/N and him had returned to their old selves.

Y/N asked a million questions about his friends in Texas, the farm, the construction zone Layla had turned his house into.

And in return, Sy asked her about work, being back in New York, and all her friends there that he had managed to remember from her telling stories in the past.

There was a lull in conversation – but not awkward.

Y/N leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. She seemed to be studying him from across the table.

“Got somethin’ to share, darlin’?” He teased.

She shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re here. In New York.”

He just cleared his throat and took a sip of his whiskey, not really sure what he was supposed to say to that.

She let him stay quiet.

“Ready to head out?” She asked.

“Plannin’ on dinin' and dashin’?” He looked around for their waiter so they could get the check.

“Oh, I already paid,” Y/N smiled mischievously as she stood up. “I snuck my card to the waiter when I went to the bathroom.”

Syverson gave her a glare.

Y/N leaned up to whisper in his ear, “You’re in New York now, baby.”

And she kissed him on the cheek.

As she started practically skipping away in victory, Sy managed to subtly reach just beneath her skirt and pinch her ass.

Y/N couldn’t stop the yelp that escaped.

But still no one in the restaurant looked at them.

It wasn’t until they were back outside that Y/N smacked his chest and cried out, “You ass!”

But it was all through a smile.

Sy just chuckled and put his arm around her shoulder.

Maybe he didn’t mind the invisibility that New York offered.

When they got to the bar, Y/N was holding Sy’s hand once again.

Instead of making him feel out of place and awkward, she instantly introduced Syverson and everyone seemed to be so excited that he was visiting.

But in her efforts to wish her friend a happy birthday and say hello to her other friends, Y/N had accidentally left Sy on his own.

He should be able to handle it. Really, he should.

Y/N didn’t have issues with it when she was in Texas.

But Sy realized, he had nothing to talk about with these people. The only connection was their love for Y/N – and that could only take a conversation so far.

And the setting didn’t exactly make it any easier for Sy.

The music was loud. Everyone was dressed to make a statement. The drinks were expensive. The bar was tiny and overcrowded.

Sy’s accent got commented on at least a dozen times. And while it’s not exactly rude, he quickly became sick of it. There was a subtle teasing underneath it all.

There are a few other guys there and they don’t seem to have any interest in talking to him either. Y/N must’ve mentioned in passing that he used to be in the military, because they seemed to be intimidated by him.

Or maybe they were waiting for Sy to pick a fight and show his true colors?

It didn't help that the men in New York were just…smaller. And because of that, Syverson stood out even more. Not only because of his height, but how broad he was, too.

Despite just wearing a white t-shirt, jeans, and boots, there was just something about Syverson that screamed he wasn’t a city boy.

The situation was even worse when Sy had quickly observed that one of Y/N’s male “friends” clearly had a thing for her. Sy caught him checking Y/N out every time she was focused in a conversation. His entire body tensed when he saw the guy put his hand on her lower back at one point. But Sy relaxed when Y/N stepped away from it – whether it was intentional or not, Sy didn’t know.

His distance and silence doesn’t go past Y/N after awhile.

She tried to check in on him every once in awhile. But when she asked how he was doing, he would just brush it off and say he was fine.

Eventually, it became clear to Y/N that Sy wasn’t having any fun. Luckily, her friends didn’t seem to notice. All they told her was how polite and quiet he was.

“I’m gonna get a car. Ready to go?” She asked evenly.

“No subway?” He asked, not that he really cared.

“No. They don’t run as frequently after midnight – and the express trains stop, too. It would take twice as long. And it looks like cars are cheap right now.”

Sy just nodded. “I can pay for it.”

“You don’t even have any of the apps,” she argued.

He just sighed, not wanting to turn this into an argument.

They said their goodbyes and got into the car Y/N had requested.

Sy had used car services before – usually while traveling – but they always felt weird to him. He would rather drive himself around.

“That boy’s in love with you,” Sy muttered a few minutes into the drive.

Y/N didn’t miss that he referred to him as a ‘boy,’ and not a ‘man.’

“Who? Colin?”

“Fuck if I know his name…”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “He’s not in love with me. Maybe he has a crush on me. But it’s not like it matters. I have zero interest.”

Sy didn’t respond.

“Is that why you’re being a grump?” She challenged.

He looked at her and then at their driver, silently telling her he didn’t want to talk when they had an audience.

The rest of the 20 minute ride was dead quiet. And that silence continued as the two walked up the stairs to Y/N’s apartment.

“You know what I don’t understand?” Y/N began, as she took off her heels, letting them hit the floor loudly. “Why is it that I can have a conversation with any of your friends? But you can’t do the same in return?”

Sy rubbed his face. But he didn’t even know what to say.

How pathetic was it to say that he felt out of place? That he was overwhelmed and unsure of himself?

“I thought maybe you would want to see my life. But clearly not,” she mumbled.

“I did,” he sighed. “I mean, I do.”

She threw up her hands. “So what’s the problem, Sy?”

“I don’t…I don’t fit in here.”

Y/N stopped moving around the world to look at him. “Why did you come here?”

Sy crossed his arms and looked at the ground. “I needed you.”

“That’s not all. And you know it.”

“Y/N, I love you." He finally lifted his head. "I shoulda told you before you left. I should’ve told you every day since I figured it out.”

“Fucking hell,” Y/N hissed. “Don’t tell me that.”

“Why not?”

And with that, Y/N finally exploded and yelled, “Because we can’t be together!”

“Says who?” He challenged, taking a step towards her.

“Ethan, what world are you living in!?” Y/N cried out desperately. “Don’t you get it? There is no winning for us!” Her fingers ran through her hair. “You hate it here. You can pretend not to all you want, but I can see it. I can’t ask you to move here.”

“You never asked,” Sy interrupted.

She paused. “W-What?”

He crossed his arms. “You never asked me to move here.”

Y/N studied his face for a moment before quietly telling him, “Because I didn’t want to hear you say no.”

Sy frowned, almost as if he was offended. “Why are you so convinced I’d say no?”

“Are you kidding?” She gasped. “You’ve been here for less than 24 hours and it’s so obvious that you fucking hate it.”

Sy wanted to fight her on it, but she didn’t deserve to be lied to.

Y/N was right: the city life wasn’t for him. No amount of time or effort would change that. Ethan Syverson was a country boy through and through.

“Long distance,” he finally stated as he put his hands on his hips.

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” she argued.

“I don’t? It’s not exactly unfamiliar territory, darlin’.”

Y/N scoffed. “You’re not in the military anymore, Ethan. And I’m no military wife.”

“So that’s it then?” He sounded angry now. “You won’t even try.”

“I don’t…” Y/N had to stop as her bottom lip trembled and she started to tear up. “I don’t want to spend more time missing you than loving you, Ethan.”

The tears couldn’t be stopped anymore.

And Sy could never stand the sight of her crying.

Without asking for permission, he pulled her into his arms.

And Y/N cried into his chest.

“You never asked me to stay,” she whispered, still holding onto him.

“What?” He looked down at her.

“You never asked me to stay with you. Just like I didn’t ask you to move here.”

“I couldn’t do it,” he sighed and pulled away, but still held her face. “You ain’t wrong, I did want to see your life here. But now I know that I can’t offer you the same things your life here can.”

Y/N didn’t tell him differently.

“If I asked you to move to Texas," he continued, "and you did…sooner or later, you’d miss your life here. And eventually… you’d resent me.”

Y/N couldn’t deny or confirm his theory. It was all built on hypothetical futures. But there was something inside her saying that he was right.

Yeah, Y/N enjoyed her time in Texas. But it was a fixed amount of time. She wasn’t meant to stay there forever.

There were things about it that she would always have problems with: the conservative bigotry, the religiousness, the government’s blatant attack against women, the racism, the sexism. People could say “ma’am” and “miss” all they wanted, but that didn’t make up for all the issues with the state’s regressive beliefs.

“You’re going to find a woman who can give you the life you want,” Y/N finally whispered. “I’m sorry I ever got in the way of that in the first place.”

“You ain’t in the way of nothing,” he corrected her. His thumb lifted her chin. “Who’s sayin’ you can’t give me the life I want, huh?”

“Sy…” she breathed in frustration.

“Do you love me?”

“Stop.”

“No. I ain’t lettin’ you hide from it any longer. Do you love me or not, Y/N?”

“Yes! OK?!” She gasped. “I love you.”

Sy couldn’t keep his hands to himself any longer. He grabbed her face and pulled it to him. It was rougher than usual, and he couldn’t help it.

They were both desperate. It was no clear what 30+ days apart had done to them.

The entire day had been them trying to figure out how to move through the world together again. And it had been awkward and confusing.

But now? Now they had no issue being connected.

Syverson finally pulled away from her lips so they could breathe.

Their faces were still so close.

“Us loving each other isn’t enough,” Y/N gasped as they both tried to catch their breath.

“It’s enough for tonight, darlin’.”

————

Y/N couldn’t remember the last time she had a man sleep over at her apartment.

She also couldn’t remember if there was ever a time when Syverson was still in bed when she woke up.

That man required half the amount of sleep a normal human being did.

When she slept at his place – which had been quite often – he was always already up doing work on the farm.

So Y/N was shocked that Sy was still asleep beneath her, as she woke up against his bare chest.

That didn’t last long. Because as soon as she started stirring, he was up.

“You feeling OK?” She teased.

“What?” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wake up before.”

He pinched her sides to pay her back for the teasing.

“Kept waking up,” Sy mumbled. “Felt like a damn siren went by every 30 minutes.”

When he was in the military, Syverson had slept in conditions that were far from ideal. Sometimes they used rocks for beds. Sometimes they were in a freezing desert.

But he was also conditioned to wake up at the smallest sounds. So the city soundscape was not something his ears or body could ignore.

Y/N laughed, “You get used to it.”

She watched him for a moment.

“What?” Sy asked. “I makin’ your bed look small now?”

She laughed. “Something like that, yeah.”

Holding up the sheet to cover her naked body, Y/N leaned down to kiss him.

Last night was a bad idea. Both of them understood that to a degree.

Because their situation hadn’t changed, but they had still acted on their feelings.

“Wanna be a tourist today?” Y/N asked with a teasing smile.

Syverson wanted to tell her no, that he wanted to just spend all day in bed with her.

But he saw the sparkle in her eyes. She wanted to show him New York. Maybe she was hoping that she could change the way he felt about the city life.

So, instead, Syverson rubbed up and down the side of her ribcage and answered, “You take me wherever you want, darlin.”

“I gotta shower real quick,” she told him with a peck to his lips.

“Guess I have no choice but to join you,” Sy laughed.

But Y/N cringed. “Sy, my shower is a so tiny. There’s no way we can both fit.”

Sy laughed and shook his head. New York problems.

“Alright then,” Syverson sighed as he put an arm behind his head. “I’ll just watch you walk around naked from bed then.”

Y/N rolled her eyes at him and hurried to the bathroom.

--

Syverson couldn’t remember the last time he walked around so much. Yeah, he worked on his farm. But it wasn’t spread out like the boroughs of New York City – not to mention, he rode a horse a lot of the time, too.

Y/N dragged him to her favorite cafe, to an art museum, to the best neighborhood for vintage shopping, to the river front, and finally to a brewery.

It took Syverson a moment to realize that she was trying to distract the both of them from their next goodbye.

He had seen Y/N’s face drop a bit when he told her he had bought a return flight for early Monday morning. But he had no idea what he was walking into, so he figured the shorter the trip, the better.

“Who’s taking care of the farm while you’re gone?” Y/N asked at the brewery.

“I paid the farm hands overtime to look after the place for the weekend.”

Y/N nodded.

But it was clear her mind was racing.

Sy leaned forward on the table to get closer to her. “You worried about my farm, darlin?”

“It’s your home and it’s how you make your living,” Y/N mumbled, playing with the handle of her beer mug to avoid looking at him.

Sy leaned back as he realized what Y/N was thinking: In a magical and perfect world where he lived in New York, what the hell would he even do for work here?

“You can’t exactly stay away for long periods of time,” she finally thought aloud.

“No, sure can’t,” he admitted in a gruff voice.

Then Sy cleared his throat, wanting to change the subject so this conversation didn’t lead to a fight – or worse, with Y/N crying.

“So what do you want to do tonight?” He asked.

“Would you want to just – I don’t know – order takeout and relax at my apartment?”

He gave her a grin. “That sounds like a mighty fine idea.”

Their night was quiet and cozy.

The two of them both seemed utterly disinterested in talking.

What more was there to say?

They hadn’t found a solution to their problem. And Y/N had made it clear that she couldn’t do the long-distance, scared that it would end up breaking both their hearts.

And it was hard for Syverson to defend it. Especially when he remembered all his military buddies that had them: almost half of them ended in breakup or infidelity – or both.

So they just held each other, savoring every last minute they had together.

The night ended with them in bed together, both of them knowing being with each other like this would only make the morning harder. But them silently agreeing that they didn’t care.

–––––––

So that's the last vignette I had planned. Let me know if ya'll want more – and be specific. 😏

[buckybarnesdiaries]

white wolf: “the story of a first date”

first part — second part — third part — fourth part (soon)

© @capsgrantrogers

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

Sam helps Bucky to ask you out for a date and it's a disaster, but he gets it.

word count: 3.147 words. (not sorry, it worth it, i promise!!!)

warnings/tags: none. bucky being the cutest gentleman in the whole wide world, and sam keeping an eye on him.

author notes: as it happened with the first part, i'm not really happy with the result but i had so much fun writing it and i think that that made this writing perfect, so i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed it. none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

The car stopped because of a red light, a moment where Sam took the advantage to turn at his copilot, glancing at Bucky from top to bottom in complete silence. Analyzing him. The soldier tilted his head raising an eyebrow, showing his curiosity about what the hell he was doing.

“What are you gonna wear, uh?” Sam asked then, maintaining a serious gesture on his face.

“Clothes”. Unworriedly, he put back his eyes to the front window.

“You probably look good naked, but that’s not what I’m talking ‘bout”.

“Just… some jeans, a shirt, and a jacket”.

“And shoes, I guess”.

Bucky turned on his seat towards his friend, squinting confused for the interrogatory. “Who cares?”

“About the shoe—”

“About the clothes”.

“Man, it’s a date! Do you wan’her to remember this night as the night Bucky Barnes shown up as a Russian bum?”

“I’m from Brookl—”.

“Yeah, but you look like mother Russia just spat you to the world”.

Sam rolled his eyes as a sigh escaped his mouth. Shaking his head, he took the next corner to the fifth avenue changing the planes they had in mind. A good outfit meant a good date. A good date meant happy soldier. Happy soldier meant no trouble. See the point? So the Falcon would take care of the Winter Soldier today. If only Steve could see them. He’d feel proud, that was for sure. They visited a couple of shops, finally letting Sam take control over the situation and pick the clothes he would wear for you. He had good taste, everybody knew that, and Bucky couldn’t complain about his choices.

Even less when the distinctive black suit dressed his anatomy to perfection. Spinning around in front of the mirror, he felt different. He looked different. He looked good, but not as he’d like. Holding the bucket of flowers once he was ready, Bucky left his apartment straight to the garage under the building. He was nervous, he couldn’t lie. But he had that sensation inside him that made him believe everything would be okay for the first time since he woke up.

The road didn’t take him more than ten minutes, not really worried about the time given that he had planned to arrive a little sooner than accorded. Life seemed like it was smiling at him, finding a parking lot in the same entrance. Landing his blue eyes on the rearview mirror, Bucky took a last view at his reflection, brushing back his hair as he used to do in the forties. He grabbed then the flowers he bought for you and stepped out of the car, trying to remember the advice Sam gave him. Resting his back against the copilot's door, he waited impatiently for you.

“Hey, you”.

His heart stopped for a second, raising his orbs to the man coming closer. Before he could react, the man in question tucked a hand beneath Bucky's jacket. Patting him down.

“What the hell are you doing, Sam?” He questioned irritatedly, slapping his hands and causing him to laugh.

“Just checking you didn't bring the notecards again”.

“Yeah, very funny…”

“Man, look at you! Should be illegal to look this good, uh?” Sam helped him to put on the jacket again, receiving another slap from his friend.

“Don't touch me”. Scowling, he fixed the flowers in his left hand, wanting them to be perfect. “Anyway, what are you doing here?”

“Watch you till (Y/N) comes. Lemme take a picture, I feel like a proud father on his son's prom day”.

“You're not m— Get the hell outta here, Sam”.

“Fighting again, kids? Should I call your mama?”

As Bucky heard you scoff, his soul abandoned. His pupils dilated. His legs trembled. And he could swear that everything disappeared around him when he watched you going downstairs, swinging your hips unconsciously sensual, with a black dress fitting you like a glove. If this morning Bucky wanted to marry you, now he wanted to spend the rest of his life by your side. Your makeup was on point, just like your hair, not being too formal but enough to run him out of words.

“Steve is off-duty, so, what 'you gonna do, soldier?” Sam mocked, an instant before noticing how pale Bucky was. He couldn't help but slap the back of his neck to bring him back to reality.

“I, uh… flowers… I bought you…”

“You're not Yoda”. Sam whispered as the other offered you the present.

“C'mon, stop messing with him”. You clicked your tongue, right before you drew an adorable smile on your lips, leaning to kiss Bucky's cheek. “Thank you”.

“You're welcome”. He just answered, responding to your same gesture while opening the door for you.

“Such a gentleman…” His playful murmur made Bucky frown and nudge him, trying to stop him from saying anything else and ruin the occasion.

“I'll bring him back at ten”. You joked palming his chest.

“The point is to not bring him back to me”. Sam cackled, shaking his head and taking a step back.

Once in the car turning on the engine, James joined the road after checking you were good. Never in his life he had driven with so much care as if he was carrying a bomb by his side. He set on the radio, not really knowing how to start a conversation, watching you through the corners of his eyes caressing the flowers over your lap. No one had bought you them before, thinking it was a thing that only happened in movies. But then, you met Bucky. An old-fashioned man, making yourself wonder how he was the same the news used to say he was a cold-blood assassin.

“What have you thought?”

“Uh?”

“About the date”.

“Sam told me about a rest—”.

“Okay, okay, Bucky. Pull over”. You couldn't help but burst into laughter, as his face was pale again thinking you were about to step out and end the date.

“Sorry, did I…?”

You swiveled at him on your seat, kissing your teeth and squinting inevitably. Studying his face you knew how afraid he was, and it was the most adorable reaction ever. You could have kissed at that precise instant, but it'd have been a little awkward.

“Where do you wanna go?”

The question didn't take him by surprise, actually. He was still getting used to doing the things he desired and not what other people asked him to do. The restaurant was a fancy place with a distinguished menu according to what his friend explained to him, but it wasn't the kind of site that he'd normally go, or that represented him.

“When I, uh… came back, I discovered that my favorite burger joint in Brooklyn was still standing”. Bucky told you, facing you after finishing the sentence. “They prepare the best burgers of the whole New York and you can decide what ingredients add, and the bread, and the kind of meat. And it still having the original decoration”.

You reclined on your seat, just staring at him talking with that kind of burning passion about something he loved. Puckering your lips, you nodded your chin. The fact that not only he wanted to take you to a different place, but a place that he used to go to when he was young made butterflies flutter within your belly. Bucky wanted to make you part of his future, but also his past. That made the difference.

“Sounds good to me”.

“Really?” He inquired funnily confused, wrinkling his nose and forehead.

“Really”.

The shine that appeared within his eyes made you place a hand on his cheek to urge him to turn his head and drive again. An innocent gesture that provoked him a lively giggle. If that man knew all the things he caused you, he'd have taken the step months ago.

As the night went on and Bucky was losing his shyness, he talked to you about the good old times. Before HYDRA, before the winter, before the war. When he was a kid with no worries more than keeping Steven safe from the bullies. It was nice to disconnect from the present, from the gazes around the two of you, from the back talks, only enjoying your dinner and your conversation. You talked to Bucky about how was to be raised on a farm, surrounded by open fields and animals, to join the army years later. Without going into details that could make him remember the old bad times, you told him about what you used to do, your missions, and how you were wounded in combat after being shot and fell from a helicopter.

Bucky felt confident enough to compare it with how everything started. Falling from a wagon to the snow. But as soon as his voice became lower, you couldn't help but hold his gloved left hand and intertwine your fingers with his. And you could swear you felt him shaking for a brief moment because of your touch.

“So, what, uh? It was a forties trend to jump into the void?” You tried to joke, wanting to feel relaxed.

“Yeah, seems like”. He mumbled curling up his lips. “Listen… I really want to… open up, and I know it’s easier with you because… y’know, you work doing this”.

“Hold on, Bucky”. You laughed waving your free hand, shaking your chin as you closed your eyes for a second. “That has sounded really bad”.

“Wait, wh— Oh, shit, no, no, no”.

For the first time since you walked into the small restaurant, his laughter was lively, unworriedly, honest.

“Take it easy, just kidding”. You grinned, nailing your elbow on the table to rest your cheek on your palm. “But… this isn’t work. We’re not doing therapy, we’re… knowing each other. And I don’t want to pressure you to talk about something you don’t feel prepared to, okay?”

“I know”.

Bucky couldn’t believe how much you seemed to empathize with him, not judging his acts nor his past, not deciding that the date wasn't a good idea nor running away. He couldn’t believe the less importance you were giving to his arm made of vibranium; usually, people used to freak out, to feel frightened somehow about the things it could do. But you were there, fingers playing with the others as if it was the most common and natural act in the world. And, for you, it was. That was you in all your best. Considerate, smart, patient, lovingly. The rainbow after a stormy life. Everything that Bucky needed in his life to start from scratch and be his better version. A shoulder to lean on and a reason to come back home.

“Was afraid of asking you out”. He confessed after some seconds admiring each other. Any person closer would say you had been dating for a long, long time by the way you had to keep silent and not feel uncomfortable.

“Why?”

“You came from war and made your world a place to live. I’m still stuck there”.

“I have my own red flags”. Clicking your tongue, you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, really? Please, surprise me”. Bucky teased you sitting up on his chair, not loosening the gentle grip around your left hand.

“I put the milk before cereals”.

“Oh… Oh, God”. He let out, pretending to be horrified and running a hand on his face. “Goddammit… you’re a monster, ma’am. I don’ think this is going to work”.

“Excuse me?” You chuckled, parting your lips in a breath while leaning over the table to palm his right shoulder. “It wasn’t me who added lettuce to the burger”.

“What? What’s the matter with that, uh?”

“Lettuce kills the savor!”

“Y’know what kills the savor? Ketchup. Today, people use ketchup literally with everything… And that’s disgusting”.

“Okay! Next time, no lettuce, and… no ketchup”.

“That’s a big challenge”. Bucky scoffed tenderly squeezing your hand between his cold fingers.

“I’ll live, Sergeant Barnes”. You narrowed your eyes and crinkled your nose at the same time.

“I was talking about a second date, not about your issue with ketchup”.

“So was I”.

A goofy smirk appeared on Bucky’s face, biting his inner cheek as he assented with his head. Seeing you again, knowing that you wanted it —that you wanted him—, made him trust Dr. Raynor’s words. He was having a second chance to do the right thing. To live and to be.

You wanted to add something else when the clock in his wrist started to beep. Curious, you raised an eyebrow. “We have to leave”.

“Why?”

“Sam told me you work tomorrow at eight, which means you’ll get up at six and a half… maybe seven. While I pay, take you home, all that stuff… I don’ want you to be tired in the morning”.

Bucky would never stop to amaze you, looking up to him in silence to contemplate how he called the bartender and beckoned his free hand to ask for the bill.

“What…? What are you doing?” He chuckled embarrassed, taking his beer to sip.

You cleared your throat when you realized how stupid you should look right now, shaking your head as you freed his cold hand from yours to find unlock your phone as soon as the guy brought the dataphone.

“Hey, no, no. I asked you out, I pay”. Bucky began to fight with you, provoking some laughs on the table as you tried to put your screen above the tpv.

“Well, welcome to the twenty-first century”. You hummed as the operation was confirmed.

“I’ll pay next time”. He declared licking his incisors, prior to his lips.

You wished the ride back home to last forever, not wanting to end the date. But the car reached your neighborhood in a blink of eyes. You couldn't help but sigh barely appreciably for your companion, gazing through the window until double parking in front of your apartment. You turned towards him, hearing the engine shut off. Bucky seemed disappointed like you, not being able to remember when was the last time he had a break, he had fun. The date was nicer than he expected but the idea of not knowing exactly when he was going to see you again was killing him from the inside.

“I'll accompany you”. He declared undoing his seat belt as you did to step out.

You reacted with a delicate smile, holding the bucket of flowers against your abdomen while walking to the front door of the building. That moment was a little uncomfortable, not being sure about how to say goodbye, just looking like two teens in love.

“Thank you for tonight, Bucky”. You uttered without thinking about it. “It's been the best night I've ever had”.

“Next will be better, I promise”.

“That's a big challenge”. You chuckled repeating his words a while ago in the restaurant.

“I'll live”. He nodded convinced, glancing at you bowing down your interest to the red roses between your hands.

How could you tell him that you were dying to be together again? That you wouldn't mind waking up sooner and having breakfast? You bit your inner upper lip, trying to find the correct words to say, without sounding like you were feeling something else to a physical attraction. Bucky was hot as hell, that wasn't up to debate, but he was the kindest and charmingest man you had known. He was sensible and strong at the same time. You both complemented the other like the pieces of a puzzle and you never thought something like that could happen to you. To find your other half and having it so clear you didn't want anyone else.

“I am, uh… free tomorrow”.

His words pushed you out of your thoughts, putting up your attention to a Bucky almost flushing, stroking the back of his head, and having the impression that he could scare you.

“Got a break for lunch, if you want”. You proposed without hesitation.

His eyes sparkled with happiness, holding your left hand with his to bring it to his mouth, placing a fond kiss on the back. Such a gentleman, like Sam said, inducing your cheeks to burn. And then, you saw him doubting about taking another step. You wanted it too to happen, tho, leaning forward to press your lips together. Your eyes snapped closed at that precise instant, not having any rush, tasting each other's and shortening the distance between both of you by his free arm getting wrapped around your waist. The kiss was innocent but passionate. It was warm, intimate, trying to transmit all the chemistry you woke up within the other with only one look, with only one smile. Breaking it —much to your regret— when you needed air to breathe. And even so, Bucky rested his forehead against yours freeing your hand to place it on the right side of his neck.

Neither of the two of you opened your eyes, extending the moment as much as you could. You felt he craved to spend the night with you, and you desired it too, but you also felt that he needed some time to get used to this new world he was living in. It wasn't easy. You thought back to the months after the war, the recovery, the loneliness you forced yourself to be in. You were in Afghanistan for three months. He had been fighting since nineteen forty. And he didn't want to ruin what you were building together.

“I should leave”. Bucky murmured against his wishes.

“See you tomorrow”.

At the moment you opened your eyes to meet the pale blue ones, your whole body felt weak. You saw the brightness in them after letting him know that the second date was going to happen and that it wasn't just a formality before disappearing, wiping out any minimal doubt by kissing him again. The last kiss. A good night, I'll dream with you kiss.

“I'm gonna play this on your wedding day, definitely”.

You screamed because of the unexpected metallic voice coming closer, clinging to Bucky's neck as his heart raced too. Redwing was suspended in the air some steps away from you, being controlled by Sam. Who else is not him, uh?

“I'm starting to think you have separation anxiety”. The soldier growled trying to hit the flying device with his flesh hand, hearing you laughing against his chest.

“Good night, kids”. You chuckled separating from Bucky.

“No kiss for me, soldier?”

“I'm not gonna kiss that thing, Samuel”.

“What about a howl, White wolf? Would be very appro—”.

“White wo—”.

“Please, don't. Don't ask”. Bucky begged you, licking his bottom lip while rubbing the back of his head, clearly ashamed.

“Hope you show me one day what it means…”

“Oh, he will… Just wait till the full moon”.

“Sam!” Bucky and you yelled in unison, you playfully, he annoyed.

feedback is appreciated, please, leave a comment to let me know if you liked it.

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[anna-scribbles]

an announcement

hey everyone! I just wanted to let you all know that my tumblr and instagram accounts will be inactive until further notice. more information under the cut, but long story short: I have had an incredibly fun and positive time sharing my art with you all over the last year or so. however, I’ve noticed myself making my internet presence way too much of a priority in my life, and it’s become unhealthy for my relationships and my faith. I’ve decided to take a step back. if I ever feel like it’s a healthy choice for me to come back to these accounts, then I’d love to--but right now it’s not. thank you for understanding.

if anyone needs to contact me, I’ll still be available on discord or through my email itsannascribbles@gmail.com. my accounts will not be deactivated, all my content will stay up, I just will not be active here anymore.

(head’s up: I’ll be talking about my Christian faith in the explanation)

About six months ago, I was facing a really big life decision and one of the big questions I had was what my art was supposed to be for. Before I began posting my art online a little over a year ago, I never thought much of it; I drew characters that I liked because it made me feel happy. But after the pandemic hit and quarantine began, I felt bored and sad and I decided to finally make a tumblr account and post some pictures on it. About a week after I made the account, I drew a comic that was a crossover between steven universe and gravity falls, and it blew up. I started getting thousands of followers every day, and I’d never had followers on anything before in my life, and it was exciting, and I didn’t want it to stop. I did feel God impressing on my heart back then that I needed to ask Him for permission to do this, but I was so worried of losing the momentum of my rapid following that I ignored Him.

Since that week, my follower base has grown to 17k on tumblr and 20k on instagram. To be honest, I think about it all the time. All my free time is spent creating content, or consuming content, or obsessively looking through the reactions to the content I produce. All this to say, the events of the last year have caused me to see my art differently, to believe that it was good. Not because of what God says about me, but because of what strangers on the internet did. And this newfound belief in my artistic skill caused me a newfound source of pain and confusion: I became worried that I was wasting it. I was worried that I should’ve gone to a better school, should be practicing more, should be more focused on how to get a career in the industry. And six months ago, when I was faced with a big life decision, I asked God what my art was for. I wanted Him to give me a career path, a degree. But that’s not what He told me.

I was reading in the book of Lamentations that day, and it struck me that it was a book of poetry. It was gorgeously intricate and structured and beautiful, and it was art. It was art that wasn’t for anyone but God, not intended for anything but the act of offering up a prayer and a praise to Him. And God revealed to me in that moment that He didn’t give me art so that I could pursue a certain career path or degree; He gave me art so that I could give it back to Him. So that I could worship. This revelation filled me with a joy I haven’t often felt--one that brought my heart back to life and filled my mouth with praise. God spoke to me in that moment, asked me to give my art back to Him in worship, and then... I let the moment pass. I chose to ignore Him, again. I was still too afraid of losing it all, this little kingdom on earth I’d built.

A few weeks ago I was at church and the Lord impressed upon me, again, that it was time to give it up. I knew that God told me to give my art back to Him in worship, and I knew I had ignored Him, and I felt His Spirit imploring me strongly again to give it up. And still, I was afraid to walk away. I liked how it felt, receiving dozens of nice comments every day. I liked watching the numbers go up, watching my skills as an artist improve and gain recognition. I liked feeling like I made people laugh or smile or have a better day. I told myself that it was harmless, good even. (But, as it turns out, God has a reason for the things that He asks of us. As it turns out, God sees the whole picture while we live our lives grasping at a single piece of the puzzle. As it turns out, it is often the most mundane of things that can separate us from God.)

Recently, someone very close to me told me she’s been feeling distant from me for the past year, that I’ve shown so little interest in her life that it’s gotten to the point where she’s been anxious to even talk to me. This is something I admit with the heaviest heart. I’ve been so focused on building myself up that I’ve been neglecting the people God’s put in my life. I’ve been centering my life on something that’s not Him, and when I do that--no matter what it is that I’m centering my life on-- it hurts me and it hurts those who are around me. God has sent me a wake-up call and He is asking me to obey, and this time I am saying yes.

If you have ever enjoyed my account or anything I’ve had to say, this is the only thing I can tell you that has any real significance: God knows you and loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. I say this not because it’s what I’ve been taught, but because it’s my actual lived experience. I wouldn't be doing this if He hadn't asked me to, and if He hadn't proven to me that I can trust Him to take care of me through it.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been so kind to me. I’ve made so many friends through this experience and felt so inspired and happy and loved here. From the bottom of my heart, I’m so thankful for your endless kind and encouraging words. The last year and a half have by far been the hardest of my life but this community has brought me happiness through that. I know, though, that it’s time for me to give it up for now and focus on what God has for me. Thank you for reading and understanding.

So much love,

Anna

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Do You Want Me, Cyar'ika [dark]

Dark!Din Djarin x Jedi!Female Reader

Warnings: HEY THIS IS DARK WATCH OUT, stalking, manhandling, slight choking if you kind of squint, dubcon (reader is willing, but is def under the influence of the darksaber), smut, hand job, unprotected sex (p in v), mentions of blood and injury, ruthless murder

Word Count: 5,136

Summary: Din Djarin is a man who lost everything. His home, his son, his Creed. But at the end of the day, he still had you. He still had you, and he was determined to keep you. Part One: Ni Ceta, Cyar'ika Part Two: I Love You, Cyar'ika

[a/n: THIS IS THE DARK ENDING TO THIS TRILOGY. My suggestion is to read the version you really want first b/c the beginning half is the exact same. It's only the end that differs.]

.

"she's hell, he's the devil⏤ the demons see no end to this love." -amber anwar

.

The echoing of your footsteps bounced off the walls and the quick pace seemed to match the racing of your heart. No looking back. You needed to get to the tarmac. Din was supposed to be in the war room with Bo Katan and the others in his council discussing something or another. This morning he had told you that he wouldn’t be able to meet you for lunch until a bit later in the afternoon. Half an hour after he had told you this, you grabbed your stuff and started running. 

You had the right idea months ago when you first tried to leave. This was going to be your last chance. If he caught you this time you don’t know that you’d ever get the chance to run away again. Memories of that beskar chain and anklet hung heavy in your mind as you picked up your pace. A terrifying thought occurred to you. Would he stop there? How far would Din go to keep you by his side? You truly believed, deep down, that Din wouldn’t hurt you, but… were you just being delusional? At some point, he’d consider the line to be crossed.

The tarmac was mostly empty. The few Mandalorians that were in the area gave you curious looks, but nobody dared stop you. That was a side effect of being ‘owned’ by the Mand’alor and though you found it disturbing previously it was truly working in your favor now. Everybody on this rock, save for a few people like Bo Katan, were too terrified of Din to even look in your direction for longer than a few seconds. As you sprinted to the closest ship you knew how to pilot, the Mandalorians began to disperse. You had a suffocating suspicion that they were in the process of calling Din.

You made it further than you had last time. You were on the ship, ramp closing behind you, and you clambered into the cockpit and got things running. As the ship slowly began to rise, you saw him. Din stood at the edge of the tarmac with his hands on his hips. The wind tunneling through the ship’s exhaust and down onto the ground below caused Din’s thick cape and hair to whip around. Even from this distance, you could feel Din’s gaze burning straight through you. The look on his face was haunting⏤ a mix of devastation and unbridled rage. You couldn’t bring yourself to look away. Even after the ship was in the atmosphere and Din was far out of view, you stared down at Mandalore in pain. Your chest ached as your heart already begun to miss the man you were running from.

Before allowing yourself to wallow, you input the coordinates to Tatooine and let the ship slip into hyperdrive. The second those all too familiar lines of blurred space cast a blue glow in the cockpit, you pulled your knees up into your chest to bury your face there. If somebody were to ask you the exact reason why tears streamed down your face you would not be able to give them an answer.

You just knew, everything was wrong.

You agonized over who to send a message to. As you drew ever near to Tatooine, doubts began to plague your mind. Should you reach out to Boba and Fennec? They were obvious choices because they cared about Din and they knew how to hold their own in a fight. However, you had a nagging fear at the back of your mind that would not silence. It blared like a ghostly siren. Din was not himself right now, and though you knew without a doubt that he would not hurt you, could the same be said for Boba and Fennec? Especially if they stood in the way of Din getting to you?

You hated that you were unsure of that.

You hated that a part of you honestly thought Din might hurt his friends or worse.

There was no changing course though. The best solution you had was to get in touch with Luke Skywalker. He might have answers about this. Even if he didn’t, having him and Ahsoka by your side would help. Three Jedi surely could get that cursed saber away from Din. Granted, there was no assurance that separating the saber from the love of your life would actually work, but it was all you had. It was the last bit of hope you could cling to. 

Upon your arrival to Tatooine, you immediately slunk away to a crowded cantina. You were not a fool. You knew Din was not just going to let you wander away and you knew he was one of the deadliest bounty hunters in the galaxy. He was very good at what he did⏤ especially when passionate about the mission. That didn’t leave you very much time to get the information you needed. 

You sent out a decoded distress message to the number Skywalker had left you when he took Grogu. He left it strictly for emergencies and this obviously classified as one. After it was out in the universe, all you could do was wait. So you saddled up to the bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a drink. It was all you could think to do. This was the first time in ages that you were in a space not clouded by Din’s presence. You hadn’t realized until now how suffocating it had been.

Being with Din, watching his slow descent, you had gotten accustomed to that cloud of darkness that hung over his head. To the point where you didn’t notice it worsening and worsening. It felt as if your body had acclimated to living under the ocean. Your body grew used to the crushing depths. Your lungs shriveled from the lack of oxygen. Your eyes grew blind from the absence of light. Now? Sitting at this dingy, dirty bar, it was as if someone had forced you up from the ocean floor and dragged you quickly up to the surface. It was jarring. The fresh air was painful as it filled your lungs, your eyes burned from the disappearance of darkness, and suddenly it was freedom that felt wrong. 

A sudden beeping made you glance down at the communicator. Eyes wide, you answered it, “Hello? Luke Skywalker?” Your name was spoken over the line in concern. “Thank the Maker. I⏤ Din and I are in trouble.”

“What has happened?”

“It’s…” You took in a slow breath and began to walk him through what was going on. You started with the moment he took Grogu and described every single downward step the two of you had taken with the saber in his possession. When you finished, your throat felt thick with emotion. “I got away, but he’ll be after me soon. I know it. Luke, I… I don’t know what to do. I just know I need help, and I’m too afraid to go to anybody other than you.”

“You were right to reach out to me.” Luke sighed. “This needs to be handled by us. No need to risk anyone else.”

The thought flickered through your head without warning. You were okay with putting Luke Skywalker and Ahsoka in danger. It came quickly and you swatted it away just as fast, but it felt like poison. Obviously, Boba and Fennec meant more to you than Luke and Ahsoka. You were closer to the first two. However, it still didn’t make risking the lives of the latter two okay. The fact that the belief attempted to nestle in your head reminded you of the dark saber. Your hand wrapped around your own lightsaber⏤ seeking comfort in the energy it radiated.

“You believe he’ll follow you, correct?” Luke questioned.

“Absolutely.” You answered without an ounce of hesitation.

Luke hummed on the other end of the line in thought. “I will send you coordinates. Come to us. The Mandalorian will follow and we will handle this from there. You just need to get here. Can you do that?”

“Yeah.” You nodded your head, trying to convince yourself. “I can. I’ll leave as soon as you send me those coordinates.”

“Of course. Call us again if you have trouble.”

“Thank you.”

The call ended and you threw back the remainder of the drink before rushing for the door. It would take fifteen minutes to get to the tarmac and you assumed you’d get the coordinates by then to use. The crowded Tatooine streets made you anxious. Shoulders clipped into yours as people rushed past you in the opposite direction. It felt like there were eyes burning into your skin, but every scan of the crowd told you it had to just be your paranoia. 

Your communicator beeped again and a quick glance down revealed the coordinates you’d be heading to. Good. You quickened your pace to turn a corner to the last leg of the path that would take you to the public tarmac when you spotted him. A flash of glinting silver under the hot Tatooine suns. Your feet came to a screeching halt, and for a moment the two of you stood stock still. Din was down the road. Closer to the tarmac’s entrance than to you. His hands rested on his hips, and he was helmetless. Even from this distance the darkness swimming in his brown eyes sent a chill down your spine. He had been a sight to behold in his full armor, a faceless figure of intimidation. However, you knew now that it was worse without the helmet. Actually seeing those burning eyes, rather than just feel them, made your stomach flip.

The crowd ebbed and flowed, a small group passing between the two of you, and when they passed fully Din was gone. You couldn’t see him. Without a second more of hesitation, you spun on your heel and sprinted in the opposite direction of where he had been standing. The public tarmac was a bust. You’d never be able to successfully route yourself back around, but you still needed a ship.

Peli’s shop. As soon as it came to mind, you altered course to head in that direction. You prayed that Peli wasn’t home. Hopefully she’d be out losing credits to a group of jawas in sabbac or conning some poor sap at the market. Your chest burned in the effort it took to keep your quick pace, your heart pounded painfully, and you could still feel Din’s eyes on you. Every time you glanced over your shoulder or down alleys there was no sign of silver, but you knew⏤ you just knew⏤ that he was hot on your heels somehow. 

You finally reached Peli’s shop and the garage was closed which meant she was not home, but you remembered the way in through the back. Peli had shown it to you and Din ages ago. Even if she didn’t have a client’s ship sitting in the bay, you could steal her land speeder and come up with a different plan from there. Once in, your eyes landed on a small ship parked in the main bay and your lips curled up into a relieved smile. Find the FOB, get the ship open and started. You rushed to Peli’s office and cursed the wrecked state it was in. Her baseline was chaotic and it showed in her organization choices. You dug through the mess until you found a FOB that seemed to match the ship waiting for you.

Victorious, you sprinted out of the office back down to the bay, but the second your feet stepped into the open area something hard slammed into you. The air was knocked from your lungs as you landed on the ground. Din’s features stared down at you as his body straddled yours. One of his gloved hands pinned down your dominant hand while the other clamped down on your throat⏤ not enough to restrict air, but just enough to convey his warning. You could see your fearful eyes reflected in the beskar covering him as he towered over you. Din’s face didn’t look angry or worried. He didn’t look scared or confused. Din looked cold. Emotionless. Somehow that was worse.

“Din⏤”

“Don’t.” Din said sharply. The fingers on your neck flexed once. “Don’t speak, cyar’ika.”

More suffocating than his demeanor and broad figure was the poisonous energy seeping out of the saber hung on his belt. You were drowning in it, struggling to keep your head above it’s dark waters, and Din was pushing you beneath the waves. He held you under. Din was a man drowning and in your attempt to rescue him he was dragging you to the depths as well. 

“How could you do this to me?” Din asked. His voice cracked⏤ the only sign of his pain. “Cyar’ika, you…” Din swallowed. A flash of heartbreak filled his expressive brown eyes and the degree of his hurt briefly made you feel guilty. Like you had been the one to betray him. “I love you. You are my everything. I would burn the world for you. How could⏤ How could you leave?”

“I never asked for you to burn the world for me, Din.” You whispered. “That’s not what I want.”

Din shifted and leaned down so he could rest his forehead against yours. His hand hung loosely around your throat, forearm pressed against your chest, and it was a position your body was familiar with. If you closed your eyes and gave into the darkness trying to claw its way down your throat and into your lungs, then you’d simply feel like you were sharing a private moment of intimacy with your love. Din’s lips suddenly ghosted against yours and you felt your body tremble.

“What is it you want?” Din begged. “I will give you anything. I just want you safe by my side.”

“I told you what I want, Din…”

Din sighed, his hot breath fanning across your lower face, “I can’t do that.” His voice was strained as if her were in agony. “The saber is how I protect you, cyar’ika.”

“You’re losing me because of that saber, baby.”

For the longest moment, Din remained silent. His eyes were closed and you could see him ruminating over something. After a second, he opened his eyes and Din’s eyebrows furrowed in defeat. A flicker of hope burned in your chest until he opened his mouth and spoke. 

“Things were okay. We just need to start from scratch again. I know you hated that chain, cyar’ika, but it’s for the best.” Din said softly and your eyes widened at how serious his words were. How much he believed that to truly be the best path. “It won’t be forever, I swear it. Just until I trust you again.”

“Din⏤”

“No.” Din snapped. His soft despair turning to a firm demand. “There will be no argument. I’m taking you home.” You opened your mouth once more, but Din’s fingers began to tighten around your throat marginally. “You’re already in trouble, cyar’ika. Don’t make it worse.”

Panic began to make your heart race. You were sinking fast and the light was beginning to disappear from your sight⏤ your freedom with it. In a poor attempt at a final chance of survival, you spoke up despite his order to stay silent. “I just wanted to say sorry.”

Din scoffed. “You understand why I find it hard to believe you.”

“I know.” You nodded. “Please, baby. I’m sorry. Please believe me. You know I love you.”

You could feel Din’s thumb around your neck tracing the skin under it as he stared down at you. He took in a deep breath and leaned in to press his forehead against yours once more. Din brushed his lips lightly against yours. “You’re always so pretty when you beg, cyar’ika.” That was the one thing you had working in your favor. Din always had a hard time telling you ‘no’ when your bodies were folded together like this. “I’ll hear you out, but let’s get to our ship first.”

“Why not now? Let me tell you how sorry I am, Din.” You begged and he let out a soft sigh as his eyes closed. Your eyes darted to the saber on his belt. If you ended up back on Mandalore it would be over. There would be no second chance. Determined, you rolled your hips up and just as you suspected you were met with the firmness of his half hard cock. Din groaned. “Let me show you how sorry I am.” Your non-dominant hand had been clutching at the hand he had at your throat, but you very slowly let it travel up his arm to bury in his soft hair. “Please, baby.”

You tilted your head up as much as you could with Din’s hand clamped around your neck. Carefully, in fear that too quick or sudden a movement would break the spell, you began to pull Din down closer. Din hesitated against the slight force of your hand only for a second before he slotted his lips against yours. As always, Din’s touch set you aflame. He released the wrist he had pinned and hooked that hand under your thigh to spread your legs so he could settle between them rather than straddle you. You should be focused on escape alone, but the taste of him made you hungry for more. You weren’t sure how much was your love for Din and how much was the saber twisting it into something recognizable. 

Din’s teeth caught your lower lip, and he pulled back a breath, “You’re supposed to be showing me how sorry you are, cyar’ika.” He leaned back down to lick into your mouth, his kiss crushing and near painful as Din’s hips pressed firmly against yours. He left his lips close enough that you felt every word he spoke. “Yet here I am…” Din gave a sharp thrust and even with layers of clothes between the two of you he was able to snap the bulge of his erection right where your clit was hidden. You gasped at the pleasure that rocketed up your spine as hot pangs arousal pooled in your lower belly. “...doing all the damn work.”

At his words, you closed the space to press your lips against his again, deepening the kiss, as your hands traveled to his belt. You undid his belt with practiced ease, and while one hand slipped under the waistband of his flight suit to find the base of his cock the other went to grasp the saber.

Your fingers brushed against the thrumming metal of the saber for only a second before Din’s hand slapped on top of yours pinning it to the saber. Everything froze. Din and you were both panting, breathless from your kiss. You had one hand stuffed into his pants with your hand pressed against his skin on the space above the base of his cock and the other on the saber. Din had one hand tightening around your neck while his other crushed your fingers against the darksaber. He chuckled and the sound sent chills throughout your body.

“Let go, Cyar’ika.” Din’s voice was gruff and seemed to rumble out from his chest. You began to try and pull both hands back, but Din grunted. “Not both. Just the saber.” You sucked in a sharp breath and remained frozen. “What? You don’t want to finish what you started?” He shoved one hand down his pants to roughly grab yours and force your hand to wrap around the entirety of his throbbing cock. It was like this tense moment was spurning him onwards⏤ filling him with a thrill you had never seen before. “I thought you were sorry.”

You hated how his words made your own core ache with want. 

Din snapped the saber off his belt tossed it off to the side. Too far for you too reach, but close enough that its influence weighed heavy on you still. He did the same to your own weapon which was hooked in its usual place on your belt. Din threw that one further, more carelessly, before lowering his face back down toward yours. His hand was still wrapped around yours, and Din thrusted into your dry grip. It couldn't be comfortable you thought, but Din moaned in your ear as if it were already drunk in pleasure.

“Din…” You murmured.

His hot mouth enveloped yours, tongue licking into you, as he thrusted twice more. Din’s teeth caught your lower lip again, but this time he bit down hard enough that the taste of metallic blood flashed across your taste buds. You yelped, he thrusted into your grip, and then Din pulled back just enough that you could see his lips painted with the red of your own blood.

“Are you going to make me take you?” He asked in a harsh whisper. “Or will you come willingly?” Din pressed his bloodstained lips against the side of your face, dragging, and you shuddered as a cold, but tempting, chill filled your body. “I’ll spend eternity chasing you, cyar’ika, but it will be more enjoyable if you just agree to be mine again.”

His lips found yours once more, and for one second you weren’t in your body. Your mind clouded with a sort of vision. You saw Din sitting on Mandalore’s throne splattered with blood he had drawn from others and his features masked in a cold indifference. The saber was not on his belt, but any confusion you had on it’s location faded as a different version of you came into view. She wore an elegant and revealing gown that was as dark as a starless night, and the inactive saber was held tight in her grip as blood covered her hands and left a trail of red petals as she passed. While Din’s face held a cold indifference this version of you looked feral with enjoyment. 

She settled herself on Din’s lap and the mask he wore cracked to reveal adoration as he stared up at this other you in awe. Without wasting a beat, this unrecognizable version of yourself pulled Din into a firm kiss. The blood on the hands that resembled yours smeared against his stainless beskar, and the blood on his face left smears along features you spent your entire life staring at in a mirror. Suddenly, the other you broke away to turn and it seemed she was glaring directly at you.

The saber in her hand activated and burned with a soul sucking energy that seemed to draw you in.

“Be mine.” Din’s voice snapped you back into the moment. “Be my queen, cyar’ika. I want no else.” He pressed his lips to yours again but in a way that was too soft to match the rest of this situation. The tip of his tongue dragged through the torn tissue of your lower lip and you shivered. “Let me protect you as you rule by my side.”

And you wanted it. It was like your body had finally reached the lowest depths and your lungs were filling with the dark water you were drowning in. It was almost peaceful allowing yourself to settle into the cold⏤ allowing it to swallow you whole. Distantly, you could feel the crystal in your lightsaber desperately calling out to you, but you were certain no light could reach you where you were. Cold turned to pleasure as Din’s hands began to map the familiar planes of your body. 

“I’ve always been yours.” You whispered. Din molded his lips to yours and he pulled your hand out from where it was hidden under his waistband so he could have to room and access to begin frantically undoing your own belt. You lifted your hips so he could tug your pants down past your ass and off entirely. He didn’t bother with his own pants, deciding to just tug them down enough to be useful, and  Din settled between your legs. As he worked himself out of his pants he planted his lips against the hollow of your neck.

You tilted your chin up, panting, as you gave him more room to work his tongue against the skin there. Every atom of your being was throbbing and aching for the man on top of you, but briefly a glimmer of pain lanced through your heart. A reminder. You thought you were too deep in for the light to reach you, but your lightsaber’s call managed one faint echo. A weak lifeline back to the surface. Without thinking, your hand reached reached out to where the sabers were cast aside and for the first time in your life you felt the Force do more than just read an energy. It enveloped the space around you and seconds later something firm was in the palm of your hand.

You cried out, managing to roll Din and yourself over so you now straddled him. The saber activated in your hand and rather than the warm familiar glow you wanted, you were greeted by the soul sucking, burning energy of the darksaber lighting up in your hands. Your eyes widened in alarm. The power that washed over you was overwhelming. It rocketed up your arm and pierced your very soul. Din laid on the ground under you as you stared at the cold glow of the saber burning in your hands, and you heard him begin to laugh in amusement. 

“Maker, you’ve never looked prettier, cyar’ika.” Din grinned⏤ the look in his dark eyes was wild with desire. “How does it feel?”

Your skin was crawling as if someone was holding a live wire to it. A tremor shook your body as your lips began to twitch up in raw pleasure. This felt wonderful. You had never felt more powerful and strong. It filled you with so much confidence that you didn’t even mind the bloodlust that came with it. Slowly, you lowered the saber so it was hovered over Din’s throat. He didn’t flinch or blink. In fact, as your free hand grasped the hair on top of his head roughly you felt his cock twitch under you. 

You gave his hair a slight tug, lifting his chin to tilt up, and Din chuckled, “Do you want me, Cyar’ika?”

“What I want,” You smirked and leaned down so even you could feel the heat radiating from the darksaber’s cold burning against your own skin, “is for you to open your mouth, baby.” Din did so without hesitation and you spat between his open lips possessively. Another tug on his dark locks and your love closed his mouth to swallow. “My King. So good for me.”

You shifted your hands so they were planted on either side of Din’s head. The saber rested on the dirt floor of Peli’s garage⏤ dangerously close to your lover. Din didn’t seem to mind in the slightest as his hands grasped your hips tightly. He lifted a knee to shove you closer to him while also lifting you up. You followed the momentum, letting your hips hover over him so he could work your underwear aside, and you slammed your lips against his. The kiss was rough. A clash of teeth and a fight for dominance. You felt the tip of his cock prod against your clit and you gasped. Din used it as a way to take control of the kiss. His tongue shoving into your mouth and keeping your own confined. Before you could regain the slight upper hand you lost, Din dragged his tip through your slick then roughly yanked your hips down onto him. You cried out as you felt his entire length stretch and fill you. 

The entire time that you and Din got lost in one another, the darksaber burned brightly only inches away. Din fucked up into you brutally as you chased that carnal release in the shadows cast from the saber’s cold flame. The darksaber sung in victory, content and prideful, as the lightsaber left inactive in the dirt a few feet away screamed in mourning. If you focused your attention you’d be able to hear both, but currently the only sound you could focus on was the way your cries of pleasure mingled with Din’s grunts of fulfillment. 

.

[six months later]

.

You straddled Din’s lap, your thighs poking out from the slits alongside your dark gown, and as Din barked out in Mando’a to the crowd at your back you continued to pepper the skin of his neck with soft kisses. There was a pause in your King’s lecture and you let your teeth drag against the tight tendon under his skin before licking up to press another kiss behind his ear. Din trembled under your touch and you chuckled against him.

“Please! I’m sorry. Ni ceta!” A man was begging and the shakiness of his voice told you he was probably crying as well. “I came to Mandalore with only good intentions, your highness. Peace. I never meant⏤”

You leaned back, peeling yourself away from Din, and sighed. “Baby, can we be done with this?” Din focused his loving gaze on you as he offered you a soft and kind smile. Din cupped your jawline and let his thumb trace the shape of your lower lip. You gave him a small pout. “Please?”

“How could I ever deny you, my Queen?” Din chuckled and you could feel the rumble of his chest under the beskar. He pulled you in for a quick, but tender kiss. “Go ahead.”

You beamed at him and felt him use his other hand to squeeze your ass as you rose from the throne and his lap. You spun on your heel and stared out at the crowd before you. Loyal Mandalorians stood at the ready, eager to serve their Manda’lor, and a stranger cowered on his knees begging. An older man who came to Mandalore with a peace treaty from another world in the same corner of the galaxy as the world you ruled with your love. You held a hand back toward Din without looking, and you felt him slid the familiar metal of your shared weapon into your grip.

The man began to cry harder as you skillfully activated the saber⏤ spinning it twice in your hands with the muscle memory of a once renowned Jedi. You and Din had gotten a taste of power, of ruling, and you both began to wonder: Why stop at Mandalore?

With a steady swing, you cut the man down and watched his body crumble down the steps. There was no room for peace. With the saber at your side, you and Din planned to take and conquer as your hearts desired. 

After all, who could possibly stand in the way of the ruthless Mand’alor and his bloodthirsty, once Jedi trained Queen?

.

[here is the happy end]

[magic-missle-blog]

Ghost division

approx 5k words

The teacher stood in front of her class, looking over the rows of teenagers. The red sun shone through the glass illuminating the brightly coloured room and the wooden desks. The youngsters were mostly green skinned mammalian Drek, like herself, although she did have two reptilian Gath, shorter and stockier than the Drek, they sat on specially made chairs to accommodate there long tails, Their parents had recently moved to this colony, the new mines and the wealth therein drew sentients from all over the galaxy. Most were dressed in a similar fashion, dark blue trousers and skin tight teeshirts with a Varity of symbols of cartoon characters. She inwardly shuddered at the fashion sense of the young,

:readmore:

Off to the side was a older Drek, he was an elder, over 70 years old and even though his once blue hair was now all grey, and his back had a slight stoop, he stood proud and his eyes were bright. He had on a dark green military uniform, a couple of shades darker than his skin. The rank badge on his chest showed he was a captain, the dagger with wings on his sleeve showed he was in the war fleet.

“Class” the teacher began “We have a special guest with us today. As you know tomorrow is 'Alliance day', the most important holiday we have, and it’s a very special one. Tomorrow marks fifty years since the alliance between Drek and Gath, fifty years since the foundation of the united galactic council, fifty years since the Canidations were defeated and peace was restored to the galaxy.”

She took a breath. “Please give a warm welcome to captain Furon.”

The teacher clapped her 6 fingered hands together and sat down behind desk.

Captain Furon walked smartly to stand in front of the class. He precisely placed a bottle of water down next to some paperwork on the crowded wooden desk. All eyes were on his uniform and side arm.

He looked at the teacher. “Thank you for the most gracious introduction.” He said with a smile.

“I want to tell you about the battle for this colony; it was the turning point in the great war, but ...before I begin, who can tell me how the alliance started?”

A forest of hands rose in the air. Furon pointed to one of the Gath students. The student stood up and said in a hissing voice. “Sixty or so years ago a race called the Canidations tried to conquer the galaxy, they invaded and destroyed many worlds. The Canidations attacked both the Gath and Drek our empires bordered one another. We stood together, and fought off attack after attack, eventually driving the Canidations back into their space. After the war ended, our peoples joined in the alliance and started the galactic council, over the years we invited four other species into The Alliance.”

The reptilian sat back down.

As the student spoke Furon nodded along. Once the Gath had returned to his seat, the captain said “That’s the official bare bones history, but it’s not the full truth.”

Captain Furon looked around the class. “It started with the Canidations, that right enough, but what you don’t realise is just how powerful they were. They had more ships, more weapons than any other species, several times over. In their home system there was a gas giant with many moons, these moons were the size of small planets and the Canidations built factories. Giant factories that could mass produce warships in great numbers. Their fleet had tens of thousands of fighters, thousands of cruisers and hundreds of capital ships. The Canidations were a strong warrior race, with a high birth rate. The soon outstripped the resources on their home worlds and wanted more.” his voice turns cold “They were a plague. They couldn’t be reasoned with or bargained with, they believed they were the only true form of intelligent life, everything else was simply an animal to be destroyed.”

He looks lost in memories for a moment, the room is silent, hanging on his every word, For the first time the students actually grasped that standing before them was a warrior, a man who had lived through the horror of the great war .A man who had stood toe to toe with the Arachnidiod Canidations, who had spat in there ruby coloured multifaceted eyes.

Furon continued “In ten years the Canidations invaded and slaughtered five species and with every conquest their blood-lust grew and grew, they gave no quarter, gave no mercy. The wounded, civilians, even children were all fair targets to them.

The seemed unstoppable, we knew it was coming of course. The Drek and Gath were next in line, as the Canidations territory expanded it was a matter of time until they were at our door. We tried to build up our fleets, improve our weapons and fortify out colonies but it was futile.”

He reached for the bottle of water on the teacher desk and took along slow sip, then continued.

“Around 7 years after the war started the Canidations attacked a Gath border post, a few months later they attacked one of our convoys. Normally only a fool starts a war on two fronts, but the Canidations were so powerful and so arrogant they didn’t care. Then they made a mistake. They opened up another front. They attacked The Terrain Empire.”

The class murmured and looked around. This was new information. The Terrans don’t have an empire, they are generally vagabonds or mercs, and they are rare. The population only a few hundred thousand individuals across know space, in fact, no one in the class had ever seen one.

Furon continued “The Terrans, or Humans and they were sometimes known, were a relatively young race. They only had interstellar travel for a few decades, but they quickly built up a small empire. As a young race no one really considered them a threat, including the Canidations, but they were wrong. You see humans had one great strength, adaptability. The Canidations became warriors, but Humans were born for war. In the 5000 years of recorded human history there was not one single day when some part of the planet was not at war. They could see as well as we could what was coming so they built up their fleets and dusted off ancient tactics renewed and improved for a new age. When the Canidations first attacked the Terran Empire, they terrans would lose three ships for every one Canidation vessel killed, but with every battle, every loss the humans learned. They studied the enemy, they adapted. After six months it was one to one, and after a further six it took five Canidation warships to kill a Terran vessel. The humans tech advanced at an unmatched pace. They created new and unique weapons and defences, but it was not enough. Even with losses of 5 to one the Canidations were so many that those loses was a victory, however it slowed the advance into Terran space, and forced then to pull resources from Gath and Drek space to fight the Terrans, giving us much needed breathing room. The advance slowed, but it did not stop,”

Furon took a breath

“I want to tell you about a battle, a very important battle that took place here, in orbit of this colony towards the end of the war. This was the most important battle in the history of the Drek, because it paved the way for the alliance.”

“Back then this colony had around ten million people, and it was an important supply and repair centre for the fleet. At first it was far inside Drek space but as the Canidations pushed onwards this world soon became a target. We tried to evacuate the civilian population but we didn’t have the ships or resources, our fleets were spread so thin as Canidation attacks hit all over the empire. Around seven million people were left when the Canidation death fleet arrived. I was a young officer stationed in the bridge of the Warship 'Firestorm', part of small defence force, all that high command could spare. Our orders were to defend the colony at all costs.”

************************************************

Ensign Furon looked up from his screen. The green and black display flashed in warning. “Captain....sensors have just picked up a large Canidation fleet heading this way. We have 30 minutes until they reach the system.”

The captain looked around his small bridge. The red emergency lights shrouded his crew in an eerie glow, various consoles beeped for attention, chair creaked as people shifted. His crew were at battle stations, ready to fight and die if needed. The Firestorm was destroyer class Warship, Small and fast yet it packed a punch. He was proud of his ship and knew it inside and out. “How large?”

Furon checked his screen, “six capital ships, thirty cruisers, five carriers....we're outnumbered six to one.”

The captain checked the status of the other ships in his fleet. A ragged assortment of cruisers and destroyers most damaged to some extent from the constant warfare, they were only here as this was the closest repair station to the front. There were various other civilian ships in orbit and a large ring of defensive satellites. The civilians he could discount as they were unarmed, but the satellites might be able to help...and then there was the repair station itself, upgraded with the latest weapons..... Captain Brekka shook his head, in his heart of hearts he knew it wasn’t enough, the firepower the Canidation fleet had would cut through the colonies defences like a hot knife through butter.

“Comms open a general distress call”

“Channel opens Captain”

The captain

“This is captain Brekka of the Drek warship Firestorm. We have incoming hostile craft; we are in orbit of Baldur colony. If anyone can help. Please come. We have transport full of children, please assist.”

The Comms office waited a few moments, “nothing captain, no reply”

The first officer, a tall Drek with long lanky limbs replied “all ships are battle ready and moving into formation, plasma cannons are charging. The colony rail guns are active and defensive satellites fully powered. We'll squash those fucking bugs like a spider under our boots'”

The captain smiled a rare smile. He appreciated Firsts attempt to raid the crew’s spirits but everyone knew they didn’t stand a chance.

“Furon. Status of the evacuation ships”

Furon checked his screen. “Three are fully loaded and taking off, the remaining ten will be airborne within twenty minutes. There have been delays, people are crowding on. Its chaos down there.” The main view screen showed various scenes of the plant below. Parents trying to push their children onto the waiting transports, civilian craft fleeing. People fighting each other and trying to flee.

“Cutting it close...” the captain said. He pressed a button on his command console, opening a channel to his fleet. “Prepare to break orbit, defend the transports at all costs.”

The bridge crew looked at the captain. The first office spoke up. “But captain...the planet....there are seven million people...”

The captain, his face drawn, heart heavy, looked at the sensor display. He knew what was going to happen. Those capital ships would smash the space dock as the cruisers destroyed the satellites and ground cannons. Once the defences were down they would bombard the colony with fusion bombs. A few might survive in outlying settlements, or if they managed to get to the bunkers....but by this time tomorrow most would be dead. “There’s nothing we can do for them, but if we defend the transports at least the children will survive.”

Minutes seemed like hours. Furon checked and rechecked the status of the Canidation fleet as they drew closer. The tension was unbearable. A trickle of sweat crawled like a spider down his spine.

CLICK CLACK.

CLICK CLACK

Someone was clicking a pen.

CLICK CLACK

CLICK CLACK

CLICK ...

The first office strode across the bridge and plucked the pen from the officer at fire control. With a grunt the pen was crushed in the firsts strong hand.

Blue eyes glued to the screen, Furon was the first to see the Canidations dropped out of hyperspace just shy of the planets gravity well and began their approach at sub light.

Heavy cruisers bristling with weapons, smaller but faster destroyers, behind that the capital ships. Monsters made of titanium and horror, each one ten times the size of his own vessel. Last but certainly not least the carriers with their cargo of small deadly fighters.

“Five minutes until weapons range” Furon said. The captain sat in his chair, still as a rock watching the sensor display on the main screen. The transports had all reached orbit and were slowly moving out of the gravity well where they could safely activate hyper drive, but they were slow, far too slow.

“Captain” Furon said with alarm “Enemy fleet is breaking formation.”

On the screen the carriers offloaded their cargo of small sleek fighters. Fast and deadly shaped like locusts, they were moving around the Drek fleet to try to flank the transports, as the main body of cruisers attacked head on. The capital ships headed straight for the colony, where their large guns and mass drivers would rain death on the helpless people below.

The captain knew the colony was doomed; all he could do was try to save the transports. Save as many people as he could. He knew his duty, but hated himself for abandoning the colony.

The captain pressed a button on his command console “Sword, Wildcat, intercept those fighters, the rest of you, battle formation, buy those transports as much time as you can....it’s been an honour serving with you.” He cut the channel, nothing else needed to be said. He looked around the bridge crew, emotion plain on the green faces, anger, hatred, but no fear. They faced death but they wouldn’t go down easy and with luck their sacrifice would save thousands of Drek on those transports. The captain couldn’t have been prouder.

“Two minutes until weapons range” Furon said

The incoming ships slowly grew in size as they drew closer.

“Weapon range in 90 seconds, the first transport is 3 minutes from the minimum safe FTL jump point, the last transport is 10 minutes away. Fighters will intercept transports in 3 minutes” Furon said.

So, Captain Drek thought, it’s not all in vein, a few transports will be safe and we’ll buy the rest as much time as we can.

“Weapons range in one minute....wait...captain....I’m picking up something on Comms, its an audio . it sounds like a...a howl?” when the captain nodded furon opened the channel. An eerie moan, filled the bridge. Words, almost two low to catch were mixed in the scary sound, “we are the ghost division, we are your death...”

Furon had turned a sickly pale blue colour. He cut of the channel, and turned to the captain, he was about to speak when his station beeped. “Captain, its a distress call its...it’s from the Canidation capital ships... they want aid....the call has cut off”. Furon said confused.

The screen zoomed into capital ships closing in on the planet, but where the there should have been six monstrous death machine, only four could be seen. Two expanding clouds of debris still glowing, were the remains of the others. As they watched a bright red explosion blossomed from the main hull of another ship, it quickly consumed the huge vessel. As it died a bright yellow explosion from the rear of the ship, the fusion plant loosing containment no doubt, finished it off.

On the main screen an explosion destroyed an enemy destroyer, and then another destroyed a cruiser. Within a few second ten Canidation ships were no more than glowing space dust.

The line of incoming ships dissolved into chaos. They fired weapons all around. The Drek couldn’t see anything though, the Canidations seemed to have gone mad, firing at empty space.

The first office looked up “the cruisers and fighters are breaking off they’re heading to the capital ships...what the fuck is happening?”

The bridge was a jumble of activity. Sensor reports were coming in, the Comms system was going crazy as the other ships in the fleet reported the same thing, asking for orders.

Furon shouted over the noise on the bridge “something is attacking them, I’m reading...fuck I don’t know what I’m reading. I’ve never seen anything like this. Weird gravity spikes, then ships appearing then vanishing. If I didn’t know better I’d say the sensors were damaged.”

The screen showed the Canidation fleet in full retreat. Black ships around the size of destroyers appeared out of no where, fired a barrage of projectile and energy weapons then vanished again. It didn’t matter where the Canidations turned or how the dodged, a ship always appeared, fired and vanished. It made it impossible to target them, or get an accurate count of numbers. When the new sleek warhips were sure of a direct hit they would fire a large torpedo, the weapon didn’t seem to have any guidance, but it packed a punch. Any cruiser it hit was killed, and even the monstrous capital ships were destroyed. With one missile. Brekka had no idea what the warhead was, but it was immensely powerful. It seemed to vapourise anything it hit rather than exploding like a normal missiles

The Comms office piped up “incoming hail”

“On screen” Brekka said

The screen changed from the confusion of battle to a video call.

A tall dark skinned human in a dark grey uniform appeared on screen.

“I’m captain Conroy of the Terran warship Lucifer; we received your distress call. Your transports will be safe now, want to help us mop up the rest of these bastards?” he asked with a grin.

Brekka let out a Drek war cry and said to the crew.

“You heard the good captain. Give them Hell”

****************************************

“The battle lasted less than 30 minutes. We didn’t lose a single ship, neither did the humans. Only one Canidation ship survived, and that was because the humans let it go. ‘Teach them to fear the wrath of Earth’ Captain Conroy told us. We offered the humans shore leave but they declined, they had a mission. To spread fear among the Canidations, to hit hard without mercy and vanish like ghosts. That battle was a major victory, it inspired our people, and it showed that non Drek could help, would be willing to help so in turn we could help others. Due to the humans example the Firestorm was the first Drek ship on the scene when a small flotilla of Canidations attacked a Gath supply line, we helped save a half dozen Gath ships. The Gath returned the favour and soon we were fighting side by side. It was from these small actions the alliance was born. If it wasn’t for the Terran ghost division, the alliance would never have happened.”

Hands rose as Furon finished history. “What happened to the humans? How could they make their ships invisible, what kind of weapons did they use?” a jumble of voices asked various questions.

Furon smiled and raised his hands for silence.

“We don’t know what stealth tech the human ships used, we think they could manipulate artificial gravity in some way to bend light and sensor beams around the ships but we can’t replicate it yet. As for the weapons, well they used tungsten projectiles fired from rail guns and plasma based energy weapons for the most part...but those torpedoes... they were something else. We managed to recover a few that missed their targets. From what we gather they used some kind of exotic matter with negative mass to generate an antigravity wave, That wave was unstoppable, and any matter caught in it was destroyed and changed into energy. This caused a chain reaction, if effectively turned the ships own armour into an energy blast. “

Furon took another drink.

“As for what happened to them....they spread fear among the Canidations. For months Ghost division stuck Canidation ships. Burned colonies, wherever that eerie sound would play Canidations died by the hundreds and thousands. They spreads So much fear that the Canidations halted their advance into Gath and Drek space and committed almost everything to the destruction of Earth. The humans fought hard and made the Canidation bleed for every inch but eventually the humans were pushed back into their home system. tens of Thousands of Canidation ships dropped out of FTL into the Sol system, almost the entire Canidation fleet, almost every and solider so they could watch humanity die.

The terrans had pulled everything back into Earth orbit, every ship, and every colonist. Everything other than ghost division

It must have been an amazing sight, the two biggest fleets the galaxy has ever seen...ready to fight to the death.”

Furon looked around the class

“But the humans...they were vindictive bastards, and clever. From what we gather they built one last torpedo. It must have been huge, at least a mile long, and filled with millions of tonnes of exotic matter. They fired it directly into their own sun causing it to go supernova. The Gravity wave of the dying star made FTL impossible. The entire Canidation fleet was wiped out in one go, millions of Canidations, dead In a heartbeat, I sometimes wonder what when through their mind before they were blasted into ash. Then the alliance struck. Our ships, the combined might of the Gath and Drek empires attacked. We hunted down and wiped out every last Canidation ship, but when we arrived in the home system, we found it had already been killed. The ghost division had been there first...no Canidations survived the human’s wrath. The home world had been cracked open like an egg. Every planet and moon that had even a hint of canidation presence was sterilized.”

The Gath that had spoken earlier said with awe “the humans destroyed their own home world rather than let it fall...they must have been mighty warriors.”

Furon smiled

“Oh they were re than mighty warriors. They were inventors, thinker ands dreamers. After the supernova had passed and it was safe, mercy vessels from the alliance went into the remains of the sol system... we knew it was hopeless but we owed it to the terrans to look for survivors. We found the smashed remains of the two inner planets, and the irradiated husk of the fourth planet. We found a diamond thousands of miles wide, all that remained of the planet after the atmosphere had been blown away. But of earth there was nothing, no debris, no wreckage, nothing.”

“ Just before the supernova wave reached earth, our long range scopes picked up something odd, a massive energy spike. We think the humans somehow created an artificial wormhole, they used the power from the supernova to rip open time and space. They shifted their entire planet, their moon and the whole fleet and left the Canidations to die. They used their own planet as bait and their star as the biggest bomb the galaxy has ever seen. You might say its impossible, but Humans could dream the impossible and make it possible...I don’t know if it s true or not, but they might still out there somewhere and could come back one day., and if they do i hope to all the gods that they come in peace.

[fruitcoops]

Night Changes

This isn't based on an ask, but I've had some early-Cap ideas brewing and think about the first time the team heard him laugh a lot. His and James' friendship is so sweet in SW--the beginning of it must have been such a shock to them both. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

So maybe James had bitten off more than he could chew. It wasn’t the first time, to be sure, but coaxing (read: drag kicking and screaming) his new teammate out of the carefully-constructed mosaic of scowls that made up his entire personality was proving to be a little more challenging than he previously expected. With most rookies, all it took was some elbow grease and overenthusiastic inclusion in group events to get them to open up—with his brand-new soon-to-be best friend, he had to handle things a little more delicately.

Sirius Black was a puzzle wrapped up in one of those freaky code-breaking machines from World War Two Lily liked to talk about. He was one of the best hockey players James had ever seen, but off the ice he seemed to shut down. The intense focus on his face smoothed out into almost perfect neutrality, and in the four months since he joined the Lions, he had never once smiled for real in front of the team. He sat in his stall and padded up in silence, then went out and kicked ass before following Pascal home like a living shadow.

Naturally, James took it as a personal mission to pry Sirius Black’s closed-off persona open like a stubborn oyster. He tried including Sirius in group events—the rookie went along with a quiet “yeah, sure”, but sat at the table and nursed a single drink for the entire night. He tried getting into friendly banter with him on the ice, but it was like Sirius had never joked with anyone in his life. Hell, he even tried finding him a girlfriend, which tanked harder than the goddamn Titanic.

“Rookie!” James shouted down the hallway.

Sirius jumped and turned around, obviously confused. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” James laughed, jogging over to toss an arm over his shoulders. “What’s up?”

“Not much.”

He waited for Sirius to continue, then rolled his eyes and gave him a friendly shake. “C’mon, man, how was your weekend? Has Dumo coerced you into being a stay-at-home babysitter yet?”

Sirius’ frown deepened. “What? I come with him to practice every day.”

Change tactics, change tactics— “Got any plans for Friday?”

James knew the answer, of course; it was always no or not yet or a simple shake of the head. If he was a less observant man, he would have assumed Sirius didn’t actually want to hang out with the team. But the longing looks toward their easy rhythm and the way he always tilted himself toward locker room conversations told a different story. “None yet,” Sirius said with a shrug.

James gave him a friendly slap on the back. “Good, ‘cause I’m having a party at my place and you’re not allowed to miss it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want you to be there, duh.” The bewilderment didn’t fade from Sirius’ face, but beneath it—well, maybe James was just seeing things, but he looked almost hopeful. He ruffled Sirius’ hair and headed for the locker room. “Friday at five, rookie! I’ll be waiting!”

--

The week passed in a slog of practices and cold weather. Sirius clammed up more and more as the party drew closer, but James didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered between the rest of them like he was analyzing a play. He would make one hell of a captain someday, if he could just relax a little.

“Hey, rookie, want a ride?” he asked when the big day finally arrived.

“Don’t you want to go home and set up first?” Sirius’ brow furrowed. For an eighteen-year-old kid, he was awfully thoughtful. James couldn’t wait to see him let loose a little. “I wouldn’t want to get in your way.”

“It’s a yes or no question,” he teased, poking the bit of exposed shoulder through the widening hole in Sirius’ under armor.

“I…” He faltered, then the corner of his mouth twitched up. It was the closest thing James had seen to a smile from him yet. One point for Potter. “Sure, Pots. Thanks.”

“No problem. Meet me at my car in five or so, yeah?”

“D’accord.”

“Oho, fancy French,” James laughed, turning back to unlace his skates.

It wasn’t until thirty seconds after Sirius left the room that he remembered he never told the rookie what his car looked like. Horrible, terrible visions of the poor guy wandering around the parking lot—or, god forbid, thinking James had left without him—flashed through his mind. It would undo everything he had been working so hard to build.

“Shit,” he hissed under his breath as he shoved his gear into his duffel with reckless abandon and hurried out of the locker room. His legs would be stiff from trying to run so soon after a grueling drill practice, but it was worth it to save his friend. “Rookie? Hey, Sirius, you still here?”

There was no response. James cursed again and made a beeline for the door to the parking lot. Please, God, don’t let him get lost. I need him to trust me.

“Oh, thank fuck,” he panted as he burst out onto the half-frozen concrete.

Sirius looked up from his phone with a strange expression. “Are you okay?”

“Thought I lost you for a sec.”

“You said to meet at your car, yes?” He glanced between James and the car in sudden worry.

“Yeah, yes, absolutely, I just—” He made an aborted gesture and dug his keys out of his pocket. “I realized I forgot to tell you which one is mine.”

Sirius blinked at him. “I know what your car looks like.”

“How?”

“Because you drive it here every single day and you gave me a ride three weeks ago.”

‘Dumbass’ went unsaid, but James could feel it hanging in the air. He coughed lightly. “Right. Anyway, you can toss your bag wherever and hop in the passenger seat. My place isn’t far from here.”

Sirius took his duffel as he unlocked the car and settled both in the trunk with more care than James’ poor, battered bag had ever seen in its life. That was another thing that confused him about Sirius Black—he was so careful. He walked quietly for someone so tall, and each movement seemed pre-planned.

Each movement, that is, until he tried to get in the car. “Uh, Pots?”

“That’s m—oh.” James covered his mouth to stifle his laughter as Sirius tried to fold himself into the passenger seat and failed miserably. “I’m sorry, my girlfriend was sitting there last. Uh, there’s a lever on your right—yeah, there, just give it a pull and—”

With a harsh ka-chunk, the seat slid all the way back. Both men froze. It took everything in James’ power not to burst out laughing at the deer-in-headlights shock on Sirius’ face.

“Yep, that one,” he managed. “Nice job.”

They drove in relative quiet—James chattered on about weekend plans and hummed to the radio while Sirius watched out the window with the occasional monosyllable response. It took James a bit by surprise how comfortable he was, even without a steady stream of banter. Sirius might have been stubborn and silent and determined to foil all James’ plans at getting him to socialize, but he was calming to be near, like an anchor on unsteady water. Despite his overall quiet air, he was obviously paying attention to every word that left James’ mouth.

“You’re a good guy, y’know that?” he said as they turned onto his street. Sirius glanced over in surprise. “Most people tune me out within, like, five minutes.”

“I’m a good listener.”

James opened his mouth to respond, then paused. “Was that—Sirius Black, was that a joke?”

Something akin to mischief—mischief!—crossed his face. “Maybe.”

“Were you roasting me?” James gaped at him. “Oh my god. The guys are never gonna believe this.”

“Probably not.”

“You sick bastard. They won’t believe me.”

“You can give it a shot,” Sirius said with a shrug as the engine turned off. Pieces began to connect in James’ head as he stared, incredulous, at the rookie he thought would never even crack a smile. Four months of work had not been wasted, as he had feared; every joke, every one-sided conversation, and every attempt to get Sirius involved had been seen and heard and taken to heart. When he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he had ever seen Sirius actively agree to something unless James asked personally.

“We’re friends,” he said aloud, too surprised and too happy to hold it in. Not friends in the way James was with the rest of their loud, over-the-top teammates, but friends all the same.

“Well, yeah,” Sirius said as if it was obvious.

James unbuckled his seatbelt and socked him lightly on the shoulder, barely suppressing a shriek of excitement. “Love you, man. Grab your shit, we’ve got a party to set up.”

----------------

As much as it pained James to say it, having someone around who was six-foot-three was a huge help. There was no blow to his pride as he dragged Lily’s stepstool out; no grudging acceptance that he simply couldn’t reach those last two inches on the wall. Instead, he could foist any and all responsibility on his brand-new best friend in the whole wide world and focus on the things that mattered, like putting anything breakable or important far away from the grubby hands of his inebriated teammates.

His success was still ringing in his ears when the guests finally arrived—throughout the evening, James rode the high of accomplishing his mission to pull Sirius Black into his tight-knit circle. Every minute of those four months was worth it.

Midnight came and went, and by one-thirty in the morning James’ cramped living room was packed with tipsy hockey players in a vague imitation of a circle. “Non, non, I’ve gotta good one,” Dumo said, hiccupping. The room fell quiet as he leaned forward. “What do you call a body of water with a chicken in it?”

“What?” Kasey whispered, starry-eyed like a kid at Christmas.

“A swimming pool.”

The room stayed quiet, and then someone started to laugh. Slowly, they all turned to the source of the noise, and James felt a ripple of shock roll through the team as Sirius snorted. “It’s a swimming pool,” he said around a smile, his accent thick from three drinks. He had a nice laugh; James could get used to hearing it. “Like—poule, like chicken?”

His whole face was alight with happiness. James wasn’t sure whether to cry or cheer. That’s what I’ve been waiting for, he thought. That look, right there. Sirius fit in among the group like a missing piece of their puzzle, snickering away as if he hadn’t been stoically silent a day in his life. His laugh was downright bubbly.

“I don’t think they get it,” Dumo said into the rim of his cup.

Sirius shook his head, trying to catch his breath. “D’accord, so—so ‘chicken’ in French is poule, yeah? So a chicken in a body of water is a swimming poule. Do you get it now?”

A few oh’s of understanding washed over them, but several people continued to stare. “Too drink for this,” Sergei grumbled, though James could see the smile pulling at his mouth as Sirius turned to him with bright eyes.

“But it’s funny!” Sirius protested, so earnest it made James’ heart hurt.

“I think it’s funny, rookie,” he assured him with a clumsy pat on the arm. “And it’s my house, so I say Dumo gets a point this round.”

Kasey hiccupped. “Hey, anyone who makes the rookie laugh gets points in my book. No offense, dude.”

“None taken,” Sirius said, though his cheeks were pink.

James nudged him with his shoulder as Talker started a knock-knock joke. “It’s okay,” he said under his breath.

Sirius picked at the label on his cup. “I know I haven’t been very social,” he muttered.

“It’s okay,” James insisted. “It always takes rookies a while to warm up, so we’re just glad you’re happy. I’m glad my best friend is having a good time at my party.”

A heavy silence fell between them as Sirius looked over, eyebrows raised. “Best friend?”

“What, like you didn’t see this coming?” James slung an arm over his shoulder. “Yes, you French-Canadian nerd, you’re my best friend. And that means I’m your best friend, and there’s no take-backsies.”

“What the hell is a take-backsie?” Sirius laughed. “Did you make that up?”

James grinned. He had the feeling this was the beginning of an excellent friendship.

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

“Yoongi left a bunch of painkillers for you. He said you can take up to three per day.” Jin said calmly , carefully slipping the sleeves of my t shirt over my wrist as i held my arms out for him. He slipped the shirt over my head gently but his arms hit my shoulders, jostling me.   I swallowed the whimper of pain that shot through me at the movement. Mina was now awake, happily wiggling around on her rocker. 

It was a little past seven in the evening and Jungkook wasn’t due to arrive for another hour . 

“I could sleep on a bed of rusty nails right now. I’m so tired and i don’t know why. “ I whispered, staying still as he carefully drew the fabric down over my ribs, before stepping back. 

“I’ll sleep in the nursery with her. You should take the bed. You’re in no shape to be up and taking care of her when she wakes up. Jungkook’s asked me to stay here during the day because I’m not going to be performing for a couple months anyway and I’ve been losing my mind, rattling around that huge ass mansion all by myself. ” 

The phone rang, startling both of us. 

I groaned before moving to get up but Jin oppa held a hand up.

“Stay in bed. I’ll go see who it is.” 

I watched him disappear out of the room, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the ice pack in the small cooler by the bed. I had to ice my ribs every hour or so and while it didn’t seem to be helping much, I definitely appreciated the temporary numbness it offered. 

Jungkook’s guilt had driven a new wedge between us and he hadn’t so much as looked at me in three days. 

I wasn’t sure entirely if this was a good or bad thing. The fact that he seemed to be considering that he had to get his emotions under control to stop hurting the people around him was a welcome change. But the idea of going back to being ignored and treated like furniture , wasn’t really all that appealing. 

“Jungkook’s parents are on the way.” Jin’s voice broke through my reverie and i jumped. 

I resisted the urge to sob out loud . 

Mr and Mrs. Jeon were on the opposite side of the grief spectrum and just as annoying. 

Where Sooah’s parents were intent on making Jungkook remember their daughter as often as possible, Jungkook’s parents were intent on making him forget her. 

The only thing the two of them had in common was a burning hatred for me. 

Jungkook’s parents had wanted him to quit the company and sell it when it went into loss but Jungkook had categorically refused because that would result in all of his employees getting laid off, and back then Jungkook had been nothing if not ridiculously compassionate. Jungkook’s parents firmly believed that if it hadn’t been for me, their son would be back in Busan, letting them raise their granddaughter. 

“Great, that’s great. Did you tell them their son is not around?” I grimaced. I’d only met them three times in total and the last time was in the hospital two months ago when Jungkook had crashed in the middle of a board meeting, weeks of starving and dehydration catching up to him. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience, getting cursed out in front of the doctors and nurses and it probably won’t be any fun in the privacy of my home either. 

Jin gave me a sympathetic smile. 

“He’s already told them he’s on the way. I’m going to take Mina out on a walk. Give you guys some privacy. Shoot me a text when they leave.” he said gently. 

“Can’t I come with?” I begged and he laughed. 

“That would be a bad idea, even if it weren’t for the cracked rib. Just relax. Smile and nod and let them spew whatever nonsense they want and then they’ll leave. ” 

I opened my mouth to tell him how many flaws there were in his plan when the doorbell rang. 

“And that’s my cue. Text me, yeah?” Jin moved to pick Mina up from the rocker before reaching for the baby carrier on the table. 

I debated the pros and cons of staying in bed and finally decided against it, gently throwing my legs off the edge and raising myself up to a sitting position. I heard vague voices by the front door, Jin’s sweet tones mingling with Jungkook’s slightly gruffer ones. 

I heard the door close and the stillness of the apartment was as oppressing as ever. I could hear him quite clearly though. The clink of the keys as they hit the bowl, the small click of the door as he locked it. 

i could imagine him, exhausted from the day’s work, briefcase held in one hand while the other tugged on the knot of his tie. 

I imagined for a second, what it must have been like for him with Sooah. She was a bright , incredibly cheerful person. Everyone kind of faded into the background when she was around. Sooah had always been the first to smile at a stranger, the first to laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. The first one to stand up to help someone in need. 

I swallowed, clutching the sheets to ground myself. 

I guessed that she must’ve always rushed to greet him at the door. I could imagine him wrapping both arms around her waist, drawing her into a hug or even a kiss. 

 How was your day, Kookie?  (I’d heard her call him that, once when they had been at my father’s house for a charity dinner. )

I wondered if perhaps the very sight of her would have taken away all of the day’s exhaustion from him. Perhaps, he would forget all the ways his company had been failing back then at the sight of her beautiful laughing face. Perhaps losing his company hadn’t been as terrifying as losing his job.  

And perhaps once he lost her, he just couldn’t bear the thought of losing his life’s work too. And so he’d agreed to meet my father’s demands. 

My fingers began trembling a bit .

I could imagine her moving around the house, pregnant and glowing, laughing as he nuzzled into the curve of her belly. Had he perhaps pressed his lips to her skin, whispered sweet endearments to his daughter through the fabric of his wife’s clothes? Had he perhaps loved Mina, deeply? WAs it just his grief that made it hard to be near his wife. Or was it perhaps me? Me holding the baby that should have been in his beautiful wife’s arms. 

The wife he had been so madly, deeply in love with. 

Love, I thought vacantly.

It wasn’t something I had ever felt, for anyone until I’d began caring for Mina.

But what Jungkook had with his wife was something different wasn’t it? 

The love a man had for a woman. Laced with desire, longing and passion. A love that made you put their happiness over your own.  

Love like that had never been in the cards for me. 

Ever

I was an Omega. Rare and hated and known for being selfish and greedy. People didn’t love my kind. They avoided me. They always assumed I would take advantage of them. My peers growing up had treated me with so much contempt. 

 The girls would whisper how I was trying to seduce their boyfriends. The boys would call me a tease, even when I stayed far away and did nothing to attract their attention. I’d gotten used to it. It didn’t bother me. it was the way of the world for me. Ad it wasn’t like I could honestly deny some of it. 

I looked at handsome alphas and wanted them. I wanted to be held and cherished. To be bought pretty things and cared for. It had taken decades for me to beat that part of mine into submission. To remind myself that if I ever let that part of me out, it would destroy me. 

But love? Being in love with someone? 

I didn’t know what that could have been like for Jungkook. 

Or maybe I had but I couldn’t recognize it because I’d never received it myself. Whatever the cause, it was for me, a fairytale. It was hard to imagine people loving each other so much, to the extent that they would die for each other. ( Jungkook’s words still hung in the back of my mind : that he had wanted to follow her even in death ) 

Jungkook was right.

I could never know what his loss was like. 

Because I would never know what he had lost. 

It felt a little like being dipped in an ice cold lake in the middle of winter. My skin broke out in shivers, hair standing on end and I felt my throat go dry so swiftly. I’d never wanted to run away so much. I wrapped a hand sound myself, scooting back on the bed again. I reached for the blanket, wanting to pull it over my head and curl into a ball. 

Shut out the world and all the things that didn’t make sense. 

“Are you alright?” Jungkook’s voice broke through the haze in my head and I swallowed. He had an alpha’s voice and my body responded even if my mind resisted. It didn’t happen all the time. Jungkook couldn’t control me. But sometimes when I was feeling vulnerable, instincts took over . I was already dropping the blanket and smiling softly.

“Mina’s out for a walk.” I croaked out, surprised at how awful my voice sounded. 

I felt the press of something against my fingers and I blinked, staring at the glass of water Jungkook was pressing into my hand.

“Don’t worry, I called them and told them not to come over.” He said quietly , watching me drink with still trembling fingers. 

I swallowed and stared at him. 

“I... Thank you. “ I said fervently, feeling a few knots come undone in my gut. I couldn’t really stand up to Jungkook’s parents the way I did with Sooah’s parents. Because Jungkook loved them deeply and hurting them would be the same as hurting him. 

“There’s a party in a couple of days. It’s my birthday. I’m turning 34.  Yugyeom’s organizing the whole thing, so I’m going to hire a babysitter for Mina, because Jin hyung will be there too and you need help caring for her anyway. You can stay home and rest. ” he said . 

I scoffed. 

“I’m going to come with you.” I said firmly. 

Jungkook frowned. 

“What?” 

I glared at him. 

“I’m not letting you go to a party organized by your shit for brains friend, Jungkook. You’ll probably end up getting drunk out of your mind and killing someone and I’m not going to hang around to clean that up. I’m coming to that party and I’m making sure you don’t have more than one drink.  “

Jungkook’s frown deepened into a scowl. 

Did you ever look at your wife , like this? With so much loathing? I thought stupidly. Or did she only ever get to see the sweet and wonderful side of you? Did she ever annoy you the way i seem to every second of the damn day ? Did you hate certain things about her too? Or was she so perfect that you could only feel love ? 

“ I can take care of myself. Its my birthday , I can do whatever the fuck I want.“ He snapped. 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Not unless you’re a five year old kid in the sandpit, which you’re not. You’re an adult and when you make stupid decisions as an adult, very real people end up paying for it. You’re old enough to know this Jungkook and for once, just listen to me. You can drink, fine. But I’m going to be there and if I see that you’re getting drunk, I’m going to bring you home. You either agree or I’m going to call Yoongi oppa .” 

That made him pause. 

“Fine. Fuck you.” He snapped, turning on his heel and stalking out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the door to the shower slam shut.  

 I wanted to follow him and shake some sense into him but before I could decide if it was worth jostling my body, when another sharp pain lanced through my ribs.

Oh great. 

I took deep breaths the way Yoongi had taught me. Apparently, pneumonia was a thing that could happen, so i had to breath carefully to reduce the risk of that happening. 

The birthday party organized by Yugyeom was going to be a whole entire migraine inducing disaster. I could already feel the headache come on. It still amazed me that Jungkook was friends with him and his cronies. 

Yugyeom and his friends were the typical; brain dead alphas who thought themselves superior to all other ranks. Even worse, they viewed omegas as objects: fucktoys to be more precise and I bristled when i remembered the way he had always stared at me. 

Well, if he stepped anywhere near me, I would kick him in the teeth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jungkook’s mother turned up at home the next day, I wasn’t entirely surprised. I wasn’t surprised but it didn’t make things any more pleasant. 

“We’re willing to take Mina for a couple of days if you would both need time to prepare for the party. This is the first big event Jungkook’s holding after Sooah’s passing and we want it to be perfect. As his wife, i hope you’ll do your part.” 

Mrs Jeon’s pinched face did nothing for my already frayed temper. 

“There’s not much i can do with a cracked rib, mother.” I said politely. It stung, having to call this bitter, cruel woman mother but then, such was life. It was late afternoon and Jungkook was probably sitting in the comfort of his air conditioned office, being flattered and doted on by his smitten secretary while I sat here entertaining his vicious mother. 

“Nonsense, you’ve probably just scratched it. I know how you omegas like to exaggerate. “ she waved off my injury easily. “ There are so many details that need to be decided on and its unfair to drop all of those responsibilities on poor yugyeom’s head. Why don’t you go with him and help out a bit?” 

The idea of going anywhere with Kim Yugeom was easily the most repugnant thing to me. 

“I’m sure he knows Jungkook much better than I do. If i interfered, I’d only be getting in his way.” I said politely. 

Mrs. Jeon hummed.

“Well, its good that he’s agreed to the party at least. That woman never let him meet with Yugyeom or his friends when she was around.”

That woman being Jungkook’s late wife. 

I felt a sudden fondness for her. Clearly she had also recognized Yugyeom for the absolute pig that he was and kept her husband away from his rotten influence . But unlike with her, Jungkook didn’t actually care about me. So I had no way of stopping him from meeting the idiots. Yugyeom’s family was rich and reputed and it was clear that the Jeons wanted the friendship and the connection. Why else would they keep pushing for it so much?

“Is there any particular reason you’re here, mother?” I said finally, after hearing her babble on and on about caterers and invitations and what not. 

“I was hoping to meet Mina...why isn’t she here?” 

“I’m not able to care for her well, what with the rib. The doctor has advised me to rest so Jin oppa takes care of her during the day. Jungkook picks her back up on his way back from office. I can send her over to your place with him this weekend.” 

“That would be fine i suppose. Have you spoken to the decorators about changing the portraits put up in the house?”

I blinked.

“Sorry?”

“The penthouse, we’ve got it back now right? why don’t you move there. We have a cook and a housekeeper .”]

“this is closer to Jungkook’s office.” I had no idea where the penthouse was and could only hope it was farther way. 

Mrs. Jeon frowned. 

“This apartment is too small. Not to mention, you still have Sooah’s photos everywhere in this place. Surely that’s not healthy. Get rid of them and put up pictures of you and Jungkook.” 

Jungkook’s parents didn’t know that our marriage had an expiry date. i wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing. But they saw me as nothing more than a way to get rid of Sooah from the deepest recesses of Jungkook’s mind. 

“I’m sure, with time...Jungkook can make that decision by himself. When he’s ready for it.” I said gently, beginning the fresh throb of pain near my temple. 

“Nonsense, Heejin. Men won’t ever move on until you force them. Have you considered getting  pregnant?” 

I jumped about a foot into the air.

“I...what.” I croaked out. 

“You need a child too. He mated you. He owes you that. I’m going to tell him that he better do his duty by you.” She said firmly. 

“Please don’t.” I shouted, stunned out of my mind. Was this woman even sane?

“Why not?” She frowned looking at me like i was the one being unreasonable. 

 Why not? Because its barely been four months since he lost his wife of seven years to childbirth. Surely, you don’t think the remedy to that is to have him go through it all over again. 

 “ Mina is still small, mother. I’m sure we can wait a while. Maybe after she’s one or two.” 

 Jungkook would probably move on by then. Of course he would. Grief was overwhelming but it was also finite. It did get smaller over time. Easier to cope with. Jungkook would eventually be able to navigate his life around his grief. He would learn to make new connections and who was to say one of those wouldn’t be a compatible match? 

So two years from now, there was no reason Jungkook shouldn’t meet another lovely woman, a beta maybe and eventually expand his family. Of course i would be nowhere in the picture at the time. But that was fine. 

I remembered something I’d read somewhere, a while back. 

 If two people are like ships that pass in the night, they meet by chance for a short time , then do not see each other ever again. 

Like ships passing by each other in the night,  I reminded myself. That's what Jungkook and I were. 

“Well, if you think that’s wise.... fine. But now that Jungkook’s doing well, why don’t you entertain people more often? You haven’t had a dinner party here yet, have you?”

And so it went on, over an over for a whole two hours until I was wrung out from sheer exhaustion, my head throbbing and nails having dug half moon indents into my palms from fisting my hands too hard. 

By the time i finally closed the door on her face, I couldn’t help but sag against the door, sinking to the floor in a heap, cracked rib be damned. 

I glanced up at the solo portrait on the wall. The one my mother in law had wanted gone. 

“She must’ve really hated you, huh?” I said casually pulling myself up to my feet and moving to the dining space to stare at her face more closely. 

She was dressed in her wedding gown, a fitted mermaid dress with lace and satin detailing. She had a bouquet of white lilies in one hand, elbows bent and the blooms resting on her shoulder while her other hand curved around her slender waist. 

Beautiful was an understatement, I thought vacantly. 

“ You look like you didn’t put up with people’s bullshit. That’s cool I guess.” I smiled a little. “ You know in another world, we may have been friends.” 

I bit my lips.

“Yugyeom was shitty to you too huh? He seems the type. i’m glad you kept Jungkook away from him. I wish you’d somehow help get him away again. He doesn’t listen to me. Thinks I’m trying to control him or something. ”

It was ridiculous. What was i doing.. Why was i talking to a framed picture on the wall. God.

But now that I’d started, I couldn’t quite stop.

“About what happened with Jungkook... I don’t want you to think i was seducing him or anything. And when i said that I hated him calling your name when we... well you know why i said it right? It wasn’t anything personal...i was just pissed. I don’t enjoy the sex by the way... I don’t think he does either but he’s an alpha and you know how it is…they need that release or they kind of lose their mind .. So trust me we both hate the principle of it.... but at least he cums and well I don’t. He’s never made me cum. That should say something about how we feel about each other.......”

“Uh.. Should I come back later?” The voice near the doorway was so unexpected my heart jumped right to my throat and I screamed, stumbling a bit to the side.

Min Yoongi stood framed by the door, one hand wrapped around a bouquet of flowers and the other clutching his bag and stethoscope. He still had his white coat on over his shirt and slacks, hair mussed like he’d run his finger through it.

It took me a second to remember that Yoongi had a key to the house.

Another second to remember exactly what I’d been doing when he came inside.

Good God.

Had he heard the part where I’d talked about Jungkook not making me cum? Surely not? Oh Please no. 

“Jungkook told me to check on you. That you couldn’t sleep last night? Are you in a lot of pain?” 

Jungkook and I had shared the bed in his room last night and I had apparently, tossed and turned and whimpered through the night in pain. Or so Jungkook claimed. 

“Uh... I’m not sure. He said so... so..” 

“you guys sleep together right?” Yoongi asked casually, taking his coat off. I stared at the way the material of the shirt strained over his shoulders, my throat just a little dry. 

Yoongi smelled so ridiculously good. He was a doctor and he was so handsome and kind to me. The attraction would have been there even if i had been a beta but as an omega, the urge to just fling myself at him and beg him to make me his, it was kind of horrifying. 

Tamping down that part of me, I gave him a casual shrug, heart still pounding. 

“Yeah. There’s just two bedrooms here and one is Mina’s nursery. So ...” I finished awkwardly, watching him move around and place his bag on the table before unwinding the stethoscope, placing it around his collar. 

He gave me a small smile. 

“I’ll just take a quick look and check how your breathing sounds. that okay?” He asked gently. 

“Oh... sure. You need me to take my shirt off?” I asked curiously. 

He gave me a quick little smirk. 

“Not for medical reasons no.” He winked. 

I felt blood rush to my face along with guilt. What was I doing? This was Jungkook’s best friend!! His hyung. Someone he trusted and I was his....

His what? 

Nothing. I was Jungkook’s nothing. When was the last time someone had flirted with me . Someone who wasn’t a grade A creep. 

Yoongi moved closer, sitting down on the kitchen stool and beckoned me to come stand between his thighs. i moved, achingly aware of how much more potent his scent was up close. He looked up at me through sooty black lashes, a small smirk on his lips, feline eyes warm and open . 

“Put your hands on my shoulders, yeah?” He prompted. 

I hesitated, fingers shaking just a little before reaching out to rest on this shirt. I kept the touch feather light , the softness of his shirt the only thing I could feel.

He hummed and bending  down to lightly tug the hem of my shirt out of the waistline of my jeans. I bit my lips to stop myself from squirming. 

He glanced up , eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze. 

“You good?” 

“Uhuhbuh.” I stuttered and he grinned wider, pulling the fabric up to the curve of my breasts. He lightly ran his finger tips over the bruised skin , humming thoughtfully .

“You’ll be fine in a few weeks. Hang on.” He pulled back, plugging the steth in his hear before holding the other end up to my chest. He pressed it against my skin, just before the underwire of my bra and it was unexpectedly cold .

I jumped, fingers curling on his shoulder and squeezing down. 

“Hey.. what’s wrong?” Yoongi whispered, hands reaching for my waist, gently holding me steady and I flushed. He looked genuinely worried , lips turned down and brows furrowed and i felt absolutely stupid. 

“Sorry. Sorry.... It’s nothing.. i just.. it’s a little cold.” I laughed nervously and his gaze softened. 

One hand still curved around my waist, he brought the diaphragm up to his mouth, holding my gaze as he gently breathed warm air all over it. 

My throat went instantly dry and i had to swallow. He pressed it against my chest again and this time it was so much warmer. .

“Better?” He prompted and i nodded, guilt and discomfort churning in my stomach. What was i doing? I had no business indulging him. i had no business indulging any man. Ever.

 I looked away, pulling my hands up off his shoulder, pushing his hand off my hip as well . He didn’t say anything his shoulders stiffened at the subtle rejection. 

A mantle of awkward tension settled over us, a small thundercloud of regret and that threatened to rain misery all over us. I wanted to kick myself.  He was older than Jungkook by four years. Thirty eight years old. 

Did he have a girlfriend? Oh god, what if he was martried?

Nausea threatened. 

“Your breathing sounds fine. Are you practicing those breathing exercises , I taught you?” He asked casually and I nodded . I couldn’t trust myself to speak. 

“Hey...” He said gently and I flinched. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out. “ I didn’t mean to lead you on or tease you in any way and I’m sorry if i came on to you ...”

“What?! Heejin, stop. That’s bullshit. You never did any such thing. This was all me.” He said firmly. 

I stared at him.

“I know you’re married but... your marriage, its going to end right? Eventually.” 

I made to step back but he grabbed my waist again, this time a few inches over my jean and his fingers on the bare skin of my midriff made me want to melt. He had long slender fingers, a surgeons hands, and the press of it on my skin felt so foreign and gentle and different and good. 

“We don’t have to do anything. I just... I thought we could get to know each other. Over coffee or dinner.”

I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

Because Yoongi was beautiful and handsome and so good and so much more than I could ever even dream of,  but he was and would always be so intricately woven with Jungkook and with Jungkook’s life. And I couldn’t imagine anything more messy than sticking around and watching Jungkook and his daughter forget me and move on.

“It’s.... probably a terrible idea. “ I said roughly, shaking my head. “ Its the kind of idea that would never end well.” 

“Are you sure? Because unlike Jungkook, i could probably make you cum.” He winked and I felt my face flame red. 

“Oh God...” I hissed, stumbling back. This time he let me move away, merely chuckling and reaching for his coat and bag . 

“I won’t bother you again. But the offer’s always open, yeah?” He smiled again. “ You need me to send over more pain meds?”

I shook my head mutely, begging him to just leave already. 

He nodded and held his hand up in a casual wave before walking out of the door. I collapsed on the stool and dropped my head into my arms , groaning. 

What had i gotten myself into. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t actually see Jungkook for a couple of days. The meds knocked me out and he worked overtime, only arriving after I’d slept off and leaving before i woke up. Jin brought Mina around everyday and there was something absolutely exhilarating about watching her clutch at her little teething toys and rattles, gummy smile peeking out every few minutes. 

On a whim, i told Jin what had happened with Yoongi and much to my surprise he actually laughed. 

“About time . He’s been pining for what three years now?” 

I gaped at him, completely thrown.

“I..he.. what.” I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around what I had heard. 

“He saw you at that art exhibition you put up in the Hyatt . By the way, don’t you paint anymore?”

I flushed. 

I had no proper response to that. What could i say? That my painting had just been yet another way to control me, only appreciated by father when he could use it to make more money. And that part of my marriage contract included that I wouldn’t paint or make any money off my art for the duration that I stayed with Jungkook. 

It was just yet another way my father reminded me that he controlled him. I didn’t fight him because he would win anyway. And the only thing he loved more than controlling people was winning battles that were always rigged in his favor. i wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I would soldier through this awful marriage and at the end of it , i would disappear without a trace. 

I shook my head vaguely and Jin hummed. 

“Yoongi doesn’t understand art but he hung around the entire nine hours , morning to night . Three whole days of him just pretending to look at the artwork while secretly making moon eyes at you.”

I could only stare in sheer disbelief. 

“i... i never knew.” 

“How could you? Yoongi’s idea of courting is pretending he doesn’t exist and fading into the background. “ Jin rolled his eyes. “ He tried approaching your father to officially court you but your old man shut that down rather brutally.” 

I swallowed . 

“I... I’m sorry.” i said feeling foolish. Three years...what? I couldn’t think beyond the shock of the information. 

“Does Jungkook know?” I asked , scared. 

Jin shook his head.

“Like I said Yoongi never made it known . He was afraid it would make life difficult for you. He didn’t want any rumors around because everyone knew your father was looking to offer you to someone rich and young. Yoongi was what , fifteen years older? That’s quite a difference.”

“Thirty eight isn’t old.” I said sharply and Jin’s brow went up. 

“Oh?” He questioned teasingly and I flushed. 

“Jungkook is eleven years older. What’s another four more years?” I shrugged.

“You’re interested then.” Jin said thoughtfully. I recoiled, shaking my head quickly.

“I...what? No. No I’m not. “ 

“Why not? If it isn’t the age, then there’s no reason  to say no. Yoongi is handsome , settled and a great guy all around and besides,  your time with Jungkook is finite right?” 

“I... I won’t cheat on him.” I said firmly. “ i can’t... I... besides, Jungkook and I... we’re... we have sex.” My ears turned red, “ I can’t do that with two guys... I’m not like that. “ 

Jin nodded.

“Its alright.. Heejinah ...I’m sorry if i pressured you or anything. You don’t have to do anything. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Yoongi probably got carried away . More than likely he’s going to panic and avoid you for a year just to recover.” He laughed and I smiled reluctantly. 

“He’s nice I don’t want to hurt him. “ I said softly. 

“ Sometimes that’s just inevitable . People get hurt no matter what we choose.” Jin gave me a sad little smile. “ Jungkook is just as nice a gy as Yoongi. If not better. He’s just...not in the right headspace to show that side of himself to you. I wish you’d known him before Sooah. He used to be this...playful and funny kid. We all went out of our way to keep him safe. Sooah was just as amazing. Usually , we try to find flaws in people our friends  date right? Well trust me Sooah was hard to dislike .” He laughed, eyes misting over as his gaze landed on her  portrait over the mantle. 

I followed his gaze and swallowed. 

“Do you think Jungkook will ever get over her?” I asked simply. 

Jin hesitated. 

“Someday? Probably yes. But it won’t be easy. He’s ... He feels things deeply. He always has. He loved her deeply, he cared for her deeply and so its only obvious that he’s going to feel the loss of her presence very deeply too.” 

I nodded. 

“Its his birthday tomorrow.” I said softly. “ I have a gift for him. Well its not a gift from me, but a gift nonetheless.  But I’m not sure if I should give it to him.” 

Jin gave me a surprised look. 

“What do you mean?” 

I smiled bitterly.

“Just that sometimes fate can be very cruel when it chooses its players. I’m forever wondering if he would be better off or worse without me in the picture and I just can’t decide.” 

“Different. He would just be different.” Jin said calmly. 

There was nothing else i could say to that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugyeom had rented out the rooftop restaurant in one of the poshest Hotels in Seoul and although the party was a pool party, I hadn’t bothered dressing for it. I wore a plain sequined top and burgundy skirt that fanned out around me knees. 

The place was teeming with people his age , friends acquaintances and business partners. The women had changed into bright , skimpy bikinis and lounged about in the brightly lit pool tossing a ball around .

The older people were being hosted by the Jeons on the lower level of the restaurant in a posh ballroom. Jungkook and i would have to visit them later but for now I was content sipping a mocktail, leaning against the bar while Hoseok and Lisa flanked me on either side, pointing out who was sleeping with who. 

Jungkook was in the pool with Yugyeom and Jimin and it was impossible to tear my eyes away from him. He looked happy almost, laughing and shaking water out of his hair as he moved around with the strength and agility of an Olympic athlete. Yoongi was in the pool as well and on the opposite team with Jin and Namjoon....and it was increasingly obvious that the half a dozen bikini clad women were there simply for an excuse to touch the handsome alphas as they worked up a sweat. 

“Jungkook is such a competitive bastard.” Hoseok laughed. “But I don’t know what’s gotten into Yoongi today. i can’t believe he’s in the pool. “

“Of his own volition. “ Lisa added. “ usually someone has to strip him and toss him in. 

Yoongi kept glancing at me every few minutes. It was impossible to miss. It was also impossible to miss that at least three of the six women in the pool were trying to get into his pants. 

I sighed and turned back to the bartender asking for a refill. when i turned back around, Jungkook and Yugyeom were climbing out of the pool and Jin was moving to the opposite side to take their place with Jimin. 

“Jungkook and i are going to go get a drink. Anything for you , beautiful?” Yugyeom reached out to touch me and I almost fell in my haste to get away from him. 

“Keep your hands off me.” I snapped . Jungkook frowned. 

“No need to be rude, Heejin , he was just being polite.” He said softly and i smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“Don’t drink too much Jungkook.”

“Oh come on, beautiful., Its his birthday let him live a little...” Yugyeom laughed and I glared at him.

“I’d rather have him live longer “ I snapped. “ And that can’t happen if you keep trying to give him alcohol poisoning.” 

Yugyeom rolled his eyes. 

“Is she always this dramatic, Jungkook-ah.” Yugyeom laughed. Jungkook didn’t laugh but he gave me a look that said, ‘ please don’t make a scene’ and I bit my lips. 

I didn’t want to ruin his night. He looked ....so close to a normal person tonight and whether I liked it or not Yugyeom had contributed to that. The music was apparently Jungkook’s favorites only, the pool because he loved volleyball in the water and the buffet had all his favorite foods. Yugyeom had gone out of his way to make the party perfect and i suddenly felt like the troll stomping on Jungkook’s happiness. 

Swallowing my own instinct to drag my husband away from the alpha who had his arms around him, I turned away and walked off to the pool. Yoongi’s face lit up when he saw me.

“Hey there, angel. Here to watch me kick some ass? “ He cupped his hands in the water, before tossing a handful of water at me. I blinked in surprise, laughing a little. 

“I’m just here to cheer Jin oppa. “ I said impishly, moving over to the lounge chair near his side of the pool. Yoongi’s pout was adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

Maybe I could stop worrying about Jungkook for a while. Yugyeom wasn’t dangerous. Even if he got a little drunk, I was still here. So were all of our friends. 

It would be fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it wasn’t fine. 

An hour later, I found Jungkook in a room filled with cigarette smoke and light music, yugeyom and his friends scattered around the place with a few beautiful women lounging about on their laps. 

“You said one drink Yugyeom...he’s completely out of his mind.” I said shrilly staring at where Jungkook sat on the couch , shirtless and laughing as some girl in a bikini ran her fingers up and down his arm. She had one leg draped over his thigh.  I felt sick at the very sight of it. 

its because he’s drunk ,  I told myself.  He’s drunk and can’t consent, that’s why you feel sick, nothing else.  

Yugyeom gave me an easy smile. 

“Guy just wants to have some fun. Reina’s a friend of mine. She’ll take good care of him don’t worry. She’s the birthday gift i got him. “ He leered. 

I resisted the urge to punch him in the face. 

Glaring at him, 

“Jungkook, we’re leaving. Come on.” I made to move towards him but a hand shot out, gripping my wrist like a vice. 

“Not so fast baby.... I already paid for her. You can’t just waltz in here and take away her livelihood.” He sneered. “ Unless you want to take her place. This is a special bar you know. All these lovelies, they have something in common with you.” 

I stared at him frowning.

“What does that mean?” 

“I hired them from an omega escort agency...you know because that’s all you omegas are useful for anyway.” 

I rolled my eyes, yanking on my wrist. 

“You and your medieval ideals can go to hell. I’m going home. Jungkook!!” I yelled again and this time Jungkook turned eyes landing on me. 

“Heejin?” He slurred. 

“We need to go home, Jungkook.” I said firmly. 

“Now?” He blinked. I nodded. 

“Yes now.” I made to move away but this time Yugyeom wrapped both arms around my waist, pinning me to his body. Pain , sharp and unbearable shot up my ribs and I whimpered. He was squeezing too hard and God what if the cracked rib just snapped? 

Panic began setting in and I yelped.

“Let me go you bastard.” I struggled to get away, staring in disbelief at my husband . 

Jungkook was standing but he swayed dangerously. There was no clarity there and his eyes were hooded. He was drunk. Really, really drunk. 

“Jungkook tell him to let me go!!” I yelled , trying to tamp down the panic that was rising up my throat. 

“Don’t worry Kook. Just gonna ask her to wait outside for a while. Why don’t you finish your conversation with Reina.. i’ll entertain your wife for a while.” He drawled and i felt my entire body go ice cold at that. 

Jungkook was blinking rapidly, the words clearly not registering and genuine terror began to bleed into my veins. Jungkook couldn’t even fathom that i was in genuine danger here, let alone help me. Oh God, why had i come alone? Where were the others??

Yugyeom held me tighter and i swallowed a groan . My ribs felt like they were on fire. 

“Let’s take this somewhere private, Heejin?” He whispered into my neck and i couldn’t believe it. Yugyeom was drunk yes, but was this idiot also insane? 

“Wait...no.. Yugeyom don’t be a fucking idiot. If you touch me, that’s fucking rape...You can go to prison for that .” I shouted, trying to drill some sense into his head. He wasn’t going to risk prison to make a point was he?? 

“Not if you seduce me angel...and you’re going to... Or I’ll just tell people you did...same difference , right?” he whispered. 

And then he began dragging me off to the corner and my eyes fell on a side door leading out of the room . 

 If you let him take you there this is going to become frighteningly real,  a voice screamed in my head and I inhale deeply, ready to scream loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the damned building. 

The door opened just as I opened my mouth and I froze, watching Mrs Jeon walk into the lounge, looking lost.

“What is this place?” She muttered out loud looking around and the arms around me fell away so fast, I crashed to the floor. 

“Heejin-ah!” Yoongi’s voice came from right behind her and I flinched, willing my shaking legs to stop trembling. 

“Mrs. Jeon...” I muttered, voice strained and ribs throbbing. 

“Heejin? What is going on here? Where’s my son?” 

“Fuck... Jungkook-ah...” Yoongi moved to get him and I took a deep steadying breath. 

Years ago , I’d taken a self defence class and one thing i’d definitely enjoyed learning was how to throw a punch. And It wasn’t something i’d forgotten. 

Planting my feet firmly , i lightly rotated my hips, a subtle shift, before engaging my core , drawing all the fury and helpless rage inside me into my fist. I pulled my shoulders in and took a deep breath. Punch past your target , i told myself. You’re not just going to break his jaw you’re going to put him in the hospital tonight. 

“Mrs. Jeon, Jungkook had a great time toni-” His voice was all i needed to hear  to know exactly where his mouth was behind me. 

i relaxed my muscles as i threw the punch, contracting them just as my fist landed on Kim Yugyeom’s face.  

The satisfying sound of flesh on bone felt like music to my ears and Yugyeom’s sharp cry of sheer agonizing pain even sweeter. 

He crashed to the floor in a heap and I could feel my fist throb like hell. I was going to bruise so badly. But it was worth it. 

“That was for telling me that you were going to rape me and tell everyone that i seduced you.” I said calmly. 

Yoongi let out a noise of disbelief. 

“What the actual fuck.....” He shouted. 

“Yugyeom what the fuck man? Are you out of your damned mind?” One of his friends yelled. Yugyeom merely groaned. 

He couldn’t answer, blood trickling down his chin and hands cradling his jaw, whimpers falling out of his  mouth. My own fist throbbed like hell so the damage had to be significant. 

Mrs Jeon looked horrified and when she opened her mouth i quickly held a hand up.

“I’m not doing this. Not tonight. “ I said calmly. Jungkook was quiet, the way he always got when he was drunk and I groaned. 

It was going to be a long night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We need to talk.” I said calmly and Jungkook swallowed. 

“Heejin, I’m -”

“Hear me out first Jungkook.” I said sharply. “ I don’t need your apology, it means nothing to me because it means nothing to you. You’re not sorry that you didn’t help me last night. You’re just angry that you had to help at all. You don’t give a fuck about me. I know that and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is you getting drunk to the point that you don’t even recognize that someone’s in need of help. “ 

I took a deep breath. 

“If you did it to me, you’ll do it to your daughter too. Yugyeom is going to get you drunk someday when you’re taking care of Mina by yourself and then when she needs you, what are you going to do?” 

“You’re right... I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk -”

“I’m only here , talking to you , because of your daughter. If it was just you, I wouldn’t give a damn because you’re an adult and if you make your bed , you can just lie on it. It wouldn’t bother me. But Mina...she’s not capable of making the right choices. She need a father who can make the right choices, because whatever shitty choice you make, your daughter is going to be there along for the ride whether she wants to or not. You drive your car off a cliff tomorrow , she’s going to be there in the car seat laughing because she doesn’t know the consequences of your choices. “ 

I clenched my fists to keep my voice even. To stop myself from yelling. 

“I have something for you. “ 

I grabbed the brown paper wrapped canvas from under the table. 

“It’s a painting . Your wife commissioned me to make this a year ago when she got pregnant.” 

He froze so eerily still that it made me nervous.

“At first , i wasn’t sure if i should be giving it to you because well... because i was marrying you ... I wasn’t sure that it would be right, coming from me ...because I was taking your wife’s place after all...”

i laughed. 

“Now I know that's just bullshit. I don’t have a place in your life. I’m a nobody. This isn’t about me. This is about you. She told me back then that you were nervous about being a father. That was all she said. And she wanted me to pain this. “ I held the canvas out to him. 

“You can see it. I’m going to go stay with Jin oppa for a few days. I want you to see it. It shows how your wife saw you. The kind of father she hoped you would be. I want you to see it and make a choice. You can either get the help you need. “ i took a deep breath, “ Or I’m going to tell Yoongi that you’re incompetent to be a father. He’ll file charges , “ I had to close my eyes to get the next words out, “ and you will lose custody of your daughter.” 

Jungkook inhaled sharply, hands curling into fists on his knees. 

“i hope you make the right choice.” 

I wrapped both my arms around myself and walked out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note. :

I’m so exhausted I’ll tag people tomorrow! 

.@girlinthemikrokosmos  @xius-exos  @sugainfireslex  @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa  @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland  @veronawrites  @blr1004   @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay@squishyjk  @itsdingdong @emmmui  @honeeybunneey  @yeonkiminnie

@just-me-and-myselfs  @delicate-snow-flake  @kpop-lore  @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld  @btsmylife21  @teresaisla

.@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie  @ meraki--life   @somewhereinthestarss  @mawwnsterr  @kookiesbreaky  @chimchoom 

[writing-by-gayrainbowbridge]

Keep Fighting

Inspiration From This Lovely Prompt By murdermuffinkink:

Loki and Tony are in abusive relationships with each of their partners. Loki had long since given up on getting out of his own but when he sees Tony still struggling and fighting against Steve, he decides that if he can't get out of his own abusive relationship with Thor, he can at least help Tony get out of his.

⚠️Warnings: Abusive Relationship(s), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Omega Verse, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Etc.⚠️

Enjoy 💚❤

Loki had given up nearly two hundred years ago in getting away from Thor. He tried many times but Thor had a tight hold on his leash, never letting Loki get far.

So, after what felt like a thousand years of fighting his relationship with Thor, he finally gave up and gave in, simply letting it happen. At least it was less painful when he was pliant and obedient.

When he had fallen from the Bifrost, he had thought for a minute, maybe he could finally be free. Free of Thor and all the hurt he'd caused. But it was never so easy for him.

Thor managed to get his hands back on Loki after he lost during the attack on New York. Thor was determined to never let Loki slip away again, using Loki's 'evil villain' status as an excuse to restrict Loki's magic to the point that it was barely there anymore.

Loki didn't tell anyone of how he was tortured for months and forced to attack Midgard. Who would believe him?

For a minute, Loki had been glad he lost. It was always the plan to lose, to be captured by the Avengers and taken back to Asgard and thrown in a cell. At least then, Thor wouldn't be able to touch him again.

But Thor never ended up taking him back to Asgard. He had instead asked Steve Rogers, the leader of the Avengers group if Loki could stay on Midgard.

Thor had played all teary eyed, telling the Avengers how he knew Loki was good inside, how he just needed some time to remember who he was. Not that Loki could forget. He remembered who he was before Thor had taken his whole world and freedom away from him. There had never been a choice for him.

Steve had agreed to let Loki stay, apparently moved by Thor caring so much for the wayward villain, so long as it was at the Tower where the Avengers could keep an eye on him.

They figured out soon enough why that was, how Thor cared for Loki as a lover. It sickened Loki that the Avengers didn't have a problem with it, that it was completely fine.

Sometimes, Loki had dark thoughts. Sometimes he wondered what would happen if he simply ended it all. Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? He was sure Thor would but that wasn't because he cared. He would only be upset that he lost his favourite toy.

The only reason Loki hadn't tried was because one, it was ridiculously hard to kill himself, not because he wasn't able to go through with it but because he was a god. God's were terribly hard to kill. Loki would know. He'd tried to kill Thor hundreds of times before. Never mind how many times he'd tried to kill himself.

And two was because of a certain mortal genius.

Loki wasn't sure at first what it was about Tony Stark that drew him. Sure, Tony was rather handsome and very intelligent for a mortal but there was something else about him that Loki...related to. The nearly defeated look in his eyes that were always cast towards the floor.

It wasn't until Loki saw Tony with Steve that he understood what it was that drew him.

It was early in the morning, Loki always getting up before Thor, (because if he didn't, he would end up under Thor for the rest of the morning) sitting at the kitchen table. Loki didn't speak to the other Avengers much, opting to pretend he was too tired to talk so he didn't have to converse with anyone. Nor, he thought, did any of them want to.

Steve was making everyone breakfast like he did every morning, Natasha and Clint talking to one another. Bruce wasn't yet awake and Tony was a wild card. He could still be asleep or he could have been holed up in his lab, getting no sleep the entire night.

Apparently the latter as Tony arrived a little while later as Steve was serving up breakfast, Tony looking bleary eyed as he made a beeline for the coffee machine.

Steve turned his head, watching with a frown as Tony poured himself a mug. "You didn't come to bed last night."

"I got busy," Tony said with a slight shrug, giving Steve a gentle smile. "Did you miss me, Captain?"

Steve frowned disapprovingly. "I'm being serious, Tony. I told you not to be in the lab all the time."

Tony sighed as he filled a mug. "I've been getting plenty of sleep, alright? Relax, Stevie, I'm fine."

"Tony," Steve said, his tone taking on a slightly warning edge, stepping closer to the genius.

Loki was the only one who saw Tony flinch, eyes flicking down to the floor. "I'll try not to go in the lab so much, okay?"

"Good," Steve said with a nod, a smile suddenly on his face at Tony's agreement. "Want some breakfast?"

Loki glanced at Tony who wasn't smiling, eyes down at his drink as he nodded his head. Tony looked up at the others, almost like he was checking to see if anyone had noticed and frowned when he saw Loki watching him.

But Loki didn't look away and neither did Tony. Not until strong arms suddenly wrapped around Loki from behind and a voice spoke in his ear. "There you are, Loki."

Loki didn't greet Thor back, instead tearing his gaze from Tony's as he looked pointedly back at his plate of untouched food.

After that, Loki continued to watch how Tony acted around Steve. He was always defiant at first, always arguing with whatever Steve told him but as soon as Steve made one threatening movement, so subtle that nobody but Loki noticed, Tony would immediately shut up and agree with whatever Steve had said.

There was a difference between him and Tony though. Tony was clearly still fighting back whereas Loki had already given up.

It was...refreshing though it hurt, reminding Loki of a time he used to fight back too. He didn't want to see Tony suffer how he did but he didn't know how he was meant to help without alerting Thor or even Steve to what he was doing.

But Loki would try to help Tony fight.

Because if he couldn't save himself, he could at least try and save Tony.

...

Tony wished he could get away from Steve sometimes. That he could simply leave.

But he couldn't. Nobody would listen to an Omega complain about how their Alpha abused them. Abused Omega's were always ignored, told that they were overreacting, that they were too soft and couldn't handle a little pressure.

Of course, he could always just kick Steve out of the Tower, make him leave. But that could cause more problems than Tony wanted to deal with. Fury would have his hide if he pulled something like that. As much as Tony didn't want to admit it, the world needed Captain America.

So Tony gritted his teeth and pushed through it. Besides, it wasn't so bad. Steve could get angry and a little too rough sometimes but it wasn't anything that Tony couldn't deal with.

And it had been fine until he realized he wasn't the only one who was being forced into a relationship he didn't want.

Jarvis had brought it to his attention, how Loki didn't eat much, barely got enough sleep and was constantly injured in some way.

Tony, despite being a genius, had been a little slow on trying to figure out how and why Loki was getting so hurt when all he did was lounge around the Tower.

But then he thought of Thor, how the god was always hovering over Loki. At least, Tony had assumed it was because he didn't want Loki getting up to no good. But it had been months since the attack and Loki hadn't tried to do a single evil thing in all that time.

It made Tony wonder if Loki was really that evil to begin with. For a guy apparently hellbent on ruling Earth, he had given up pretty damn easy, barely putting up a fight when Thor cuffed him. Almost like he had wanted to lose.

But that hadn't been the point. The point had been Loki getting hurt and as much as Loki was a villain, Tony didn't like people getting hurt under his roof.

It didn't take much snooping for Tony to figure out how Loki was getting himself hurt. Or more, who was getting Loki hurt.

Tony hated it but he knew there was nothing he could really do. He had gone up against Thor before with his suit and if Steve hadn't stepped in, he wasn't sure what would have happened.

Besides, it wasn't like Tony was in a better position. Steve would be furious if he found out Tony was taking a villains side or say he was being influenced somehow.

Still, Tony wished he could punch Thor and make it hurt.

But what was one little Omega going to do against a literal god? How could he help Loki when he could barely help himself?

...

"What were you thinking, Tony?!"

"I just—"

"That's right! You weren't thinking, were you?"

Loki watched along with the other Avengers as Tony was shouted at by Steve, doing nothing to stop it. Apparently the mission had gone sideways and Tony had nearly gotten himself extremely hurt, throwing himself into the line of fire to protect one of the others.

Loki wasn't sure why Steve was so upset. They were superheroes, weren't they? It was their job to protect and if they got hurt, that was a part of the risk.

Of course, Loki hadn't been there to see it for himself. He wasn't trusted to go on missions with the Avengers (nor did he want to) so he had to stay at the Tower with Thor watching him. Only, Thor did a lot more than simply watch him. His hips were already bruising from the blond's harsh grip.

Tony was staring at the floor now, not even trying to defend himself as Steve lectured on and on. Nobody said anything until Steve finally finished, taking a breather.

"Come on, Tony," Steve said finally, grabbing Tony's wrists in a too tight grip and dragged him to the elevator before anyone, even Tony, could get a word out.

Loki watched them go, fingers twitching in his lap, itching to race after the pair and yank Tony away from Steve but he couldn't. Without his magic, he was useless to help. All it would do was make Steve angrier and Thor would be even less impressed.

Loki saw Tony later in the day. Loki was on the couch, reading a book. Thor was thankfully down in the gym training and had ordered Loki to stay in their room.

Of course, Loki hadn't listened. Just because he had given up on getting away from Thor, it didn't mean he listened to everything the Thunder god demanded of him.

So when Tony walked into the kitchen for coffee, Loki watched the slight limp the mortal sported with narrowed green eyes.

As if knowing he was being watched, Tony turned his head, looking surprised to see Loki sitting on the couch. "Oh, hi Lokes. I didn't think anyone would be out here."

Loki raised an eyebrow, glancing at Tony's wrists and noted the bruises ringing around each one, just barely hidden beneath his long sleeved shirt. "You sound disappointed."

"No, I'm not, I just..." Tony sighed. "Never mind."

Loki frowned slightly, sitting up a little straighter. "Steve has been...treating you right lately?"

Tony stared at him, eyes going a little wide. "Excuse you."

Loki looked pointedly at Tony's wrists making the genius glance down at them and pale, quickly tugging the sleeves down.

Loki sighed, shaking his head. "Why do you put up with it? You could leave him."

Tony looked up at him, still looking rather pale though almost angry but it didn't seem to be directed at Loki. "Like you with Thor?"

Loki gave Tony a surprised look. He didn't think anyone had realized what Thor did to him.

"Jarvis," Tony said simply in explanation.

Loki pressed his lips into a thin line. "That's different."

"How exactly?" Tony asked, setting his mug on the kitchen bench as he walked over to Loki.

Loki glared at him for a moment but he wasn't angry. Just...upset. He thought Tony would understand.

But then, Tony hadn't given up like he had.

"You wouldn't understand," Loki whispered. "Nor do I want you to."

Tony's expression became a little sad, almost as if he did understand. Loki couldn't look at him as Tony sat beside him, gently leaning into the god who after a long minute, did the same.

Maybe Loki couldn't help Tony as much as he hoped but he could still do small things like this to show Tony he wasn't alone.

Or maybe Loki simply liked feeling that he wasn't alone himself.

...

Tony felt like he was minutes away from breaking down, constantly on the verge of tears as he did what he needed to throughout the day.

Steve had done something unforgivable last night. Tony could barely look at him the whole day though Steve had kept his distance. He didn't know why he was so surprised since Steve seemed to have no problem hitting him and yelling at him but this...

Tony had said no, had told him to stop and Steve...Steve just...

Steve raped him.

Oh god's, he was going to be sick—

"Anthony?"

Tony forced his slightly watery eyes up to meet those green ones he knew belonged to Loki. "O-oh. Hey, Lokes."

Loki frowned deeply, taking in Tony's tearful brown eyes. "What happened?"

Tony swallowed repeatedly, trying and failing to form words. How could he even begin to explain?

But Loki...Loki would understand. Loki knew what it was like...to be...to be...

A sob burst past Tony's lips before he could stop it and in one second and the next, he was gathered up in Loki's arms, held tight against the god's chest as Tony trembled, tears falling down his cheeks.

Loki didn't ask, didn't force Tony to talk. He didn't need to. Tony was sure Loki already figured it out on his own.

Loki didn't let him go though.

...

After that, Loki and Tony looked out for each other.

Whenever Loki came from the room he shared with Thor, bruises all over his aching body, Tony was there, offering to watch a movie together or hang out with him in the safety of his lab. It was either a distraction from the pain or a way to get away from Thor without him realizing it.

And when Tony came back after an argument with Steve or walked into the kitchen looking so pale that Loki barely had to guess what had happened, Loki would be there to pull the genius into his arms and hold him tight, letting him break down in his arms.

They both hid the abuse they endured from the others, either afraid of being judged as weak and pathetic or worried the others would think they deserved it and contribute to the abuse.

But they didn't mind so much because they had one another to keep each other from falling into their dark thoughts.

It took a while for both of them to realize that despite their situation, despite being in a relationship (even if it wasn't one they wanted) and despite both being Omega's, they wanted each other.

Tony realized first, Loki still being in denial, not because he didn't want Tony, much the opposite, but because he knew it would lead nowhere. If Thor found out he had feelings for someone else, Tony would be in danger of Thor. Loki couldn't do that to him.

It still didn't stop Loki from one day kissing Tony in the privacy of his lab, wishing things were different.

...

Loki knew he was going to get into trouble. If Thor caught him...

But it didn't matter. He didn't care anymore. He'd stopped caring about his own pain a long time ago.

Especially since the dagger was slowly bloodying his wrists. No, he wasn't trying to kill himself. There was no point. This wouldn't be enough to kill himself. Blood loss was nothing for a god.

But it was enough to cut through the magic restraints on his wrists.

Why would Loki risk Thor's wrath if he caught Loki doing this?

Because he had passed by Tony's room earlier in the day, had heard him scream and something in Loki ripped apart at the sound, making him throw all caution to the wind.

So he had gone through Thor's things, finding the enchanted daggers that Thor had taken from Loki and used them to cut the restraints off, ignoring whenever it cut into his skin. The pain was nothing to knowing that Tony was in danger from his Alpha.

As soon as he was free of the bands, he teleported from his room to Tony's, not caring for what he might find, only caring about protecting Tony, keeping Tony safe.

But surprisingly, he didn't find Steve there, towering over Tony. Though Tony was clearly not okay.

"Anthony," Loki whispered, kneeling down in front of the figure shaking at the foot of the bed on the floor. "Anthony, Darling, look at me."

Tony wouldn't meet his eyes though, legs against his chest. Loki took comfort in the fact that Tony was clothed though it didn't mean much. If it had happened again, Tony simply could have redressed himself before Loki arrived.

But that wasn't the case. Loki knew because he soon saw the cuts on Tony's wrists and felt his stomach lurch uncomfortably. Tony had tried to kill himself.

"Oh, Anthony, no..." Loki whispered, grimacing at the blood on Tony's hands.

"He s-saw it," Tony stuttered out, shivering slightly. "He saw it and h-he got angry and grabbed m-my wrists and i-it opened back u-up and he h-hit me and...and..."

"Sh, sh. Hush, Anthony," Loki murmured, taking Tony's hands, ignoring the blood over them.

Tony sobbed, shaking his head, trying in vain to tug his hands back. "I can't do it anymore. I c-can't, please, Loki. I don't want him to t-touch me anymore."

Loki's heart broke, remember thinking the same thing two hundred years ago. "You don't have to do this anymore, I swear it."

Tears streaked Tony's face as he continued shaking his head, shivering and muttering under his breath. "There's n-nowhere we c-can g-go and I can't l-leave you h-here with h-him."

Loki had been wondering why Tony hadn't simply got up and left yet despite all of Steve's abuse. Now that he knew why, he both wanted to hug Tony and call him an idiot.

"You won't be leaving me here with him," Loki said, gently brushing his fingers over the cut and was relieved to see his magic working to heal the self inflicted wound. "In fact, you're coming with me, off of this realm entirely."

Tony stared with wide eyes at the newly healed skin, then up at Loki. "You have you're m-magic back? How? W-when?

"About five minutes ago," Loki stated plainly. "Do you want to leave with me, Anthony?"

Tony took a shaky breath, nodding his head. "P-please."

That was all Loki needed to tighten his grip on Tony's hand, pulling him into his waiting arms, pressing his lips to Tony's like he'd been yearning to do since the first time in the lab.

He remembered the words Tony had told him that day after their kiss, echoing in his head now.

'Keep fighting, Loki. Keep fighting because you're all that's stopping me from giving up. Keep fighting for me.'

And Loki had. He had but now...now they didn't have to fight anymore.

In one moment and the next, the pair vanished from the floor of Tony's room and reappeared somewhere far away where neither of them could ever be hurt by any Alpha ever again.

...

@murdermuffinloki I was going to add Bucky into this but then I'd end up writing a whole damn book and I have enough to write as it is but I just couldn't resist writing a oneshot for this, hsusyjwdj. Hope you enjoyed! :D