#drew this while i was gone just to cheer myself up a bit

[risingsunresistance]

techno ^

[sunkissed-zegras]

✮ 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡, jack hughes

♡ ─ word count | 10.7k (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. UM?? MB?? got a bit carried away with this one sorry y'all)

♡ ─ summary | y/n had always been in love with jack since she was a kid, but he had always chosen everyone else but her.

♡ ─ warnings | kind of mark estapa x reader as well but guess who she chooses in the end??? unedited (i'll edit in the morning y'all i just wanna get this out ASAP) SOOO MUCH ANGST OML, childhood best friends trope, unrequited love (for the most part), description of sex (like two sentences u could blink and it's gone), lots of cursing, fighting (sm of it), asshole!jack, idk they may be more but i'm lazy (promise they're not bad if i'm not mentioning them rn)

♡ ─ taglist | @valluvsu (check link in navigation for taglist form if you are interested!)

♡ ─ ev's notes | WHOOOHOOO! it's finally done yayyaa, i got this done in like two days bc i was so excited. jack hughes is very much gold rush coded, pls argue with the wall if you disagree. but anyway! this is a long one, so strap in!!! so much feelings in one fic lol i'm done, but i'm actually very proud of myself. as always, i'm open to respectful critics as i love to improve my writing for you all!! anyways, pls enjoy this fucking novel LMAOO, and let me know your thoughts!!!

Jack Hughes had always been the most beautiful person you'd ever seen.

Not just physically, he'd always been one of the sweetest people you'd ever met. He genuinely cared about how you were feeling and listened attentively when you spoke. His kindness and compassion were qualities that drew you to him from the very beginning.

But it wasn't just his sweet personality that captivated you; it was the way he looked at you with those mesmerizing eyes, filled with warmth and kindness. Whenever he gazed into your eyes, it felt like he was seeing straight into your soul, understanding you in a way that no one else ever had. But never in the way that you wanted.

Every time he smiled, it lit up the room any room he was in, and your heart simultaneously. His laughter was infectious, and being around him brought a sense of joy and happiness that was unparalleled.

He'd always been the special one in the room, with his skills on the ice or his undeniable beauty. It wasn't Jack's fault that he had such an effect on people; it was simply a consequence of his charm and charisma. What sometimes made you feel inadequate was the way other girls looked at him, with admiration and longing in their eyes.

Every time you saw him with those adoring eyes gazing at another girl, it was like a dagger to your heart. What hurt most though, was the way he looked back at them. His gaze held a attraction and desire that you craved, but it was a warmth he reserved for them, not ever for you.

You couldn't fault him for it; he couldn't control where his heart led him. You watched him from a distance, silently cheering him on in his pursuits of happiness, even when it meant seeing him with someone else.

Yet, despite the pain it caused you, you couldn't help but be there for him when he needed it. Whenever he faced heartbreak or disappointment, you were the one he turned to for comfort and understanding. It was bittersweet, being the person he leaned on while secretly thinking how you could never ever hurt him the way those other girls did. Your heart ached every time he told you about his the girls, and you would listen attentively, offering advice and consolation. You wanted to be the one to mend his broken heart, to make him see that you were right there, loving him in a way no one else ever could. But you kept those feelings locked away, hidden beneath the guise of friendship.

And you knew he loved you, he truly did. He would just never love you the way you'd always wanted. You felt selfish for wanting more. He was already yours in some regard, others would dream of being that close to the Jack Hughes. You were already an important part of his life, someone he trusted and cared about. Being close to Jack Hughes in any capacity was a dream come true for most, and you felt incredibly fortunate to have him as a friend.

But deep down, you couldn't help the longing that tugged at your heartstrings. You couldn't help the desire for something more, something that went beyond friendship. It was a complex mix of emotions, and you grappled with the guilt of wanting something that might change the dynamic between you two.

It was hard seeing him repeating those mistakes over and over again, and him running back to you wishing he had someone to love him fully and truly, for who he was. You often found yourself on the verge of screaming, wanting to shout, "What about me? Don't you see what's right in front of you?!" But you remained silent, as you always did, playing the role of the understanding friend who listened without judgment.

And each time he came to you with a broken heart, you wished he could recognize the depth of your love, the unwavering support you offered, and the fact that you were right there, ready to love him fully and unconditionally. But it seemed that he was blind to your feelings, or perhaps he was simply too caught up in his own search for love to notice what was right in front of him.

It seemed everyone else saw how much you loved him, Quinn giving you sympathetic smiles and Luke giving you advice. They saw the way you looked at Jack when he wasn't watching, the way your eyes held a mixture of adoration and hurt. They noticed how you were always there for him, ready to offer a comforting word or a reassuring hug when he needed it the most. It wasn't just your words or actions that revealed your love; it was the unwavering presence you provided in his life.

And so, you continued to sit still and listen, even when every fiber of your being screamed for him to see you, to love you, and to choose you. Your love for him remained a silent, unspoken truth, buried deep within your heart as you watched him repeat his relationship mistakes, hoping that one day, he would finally realize the love that had always been right beside him.

He was always grateful for your presence and care until he wasn't. Until he started taking you for granted, choosing his shiny new friends over you.

The pain of unrequited love was compounded by the feeling of being cast aside, as if your friendship and support no longer held the same value they once did. You couldn't help but wonder if he had forgotten all the times you had been there for him, the countless moments you had shared.

It was a painful realization that the person you loved so deeply was no longer the same person who had once cherished you. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to walk away, holding onto the hope that one day he would remember the bond you had shared and the love that had always been there, waiting for him to see.

──

"Where have you been?!" Ellen, Jack's mom, exclaimed as you walked into the Hughes' lake house. She immediately walked over to you, embracing you tightly.

Over the past couple months, you had declined numerous invitations to Hughes family events over the past couple of months. You had told them that school was taking up most of your time, which was partly true. In reality, you just didn't want to see Jack.

"Just busy with school," you replied, returning her embrace warmly. Ellen Hughes had always been like a second mother to you, and her genuine concern warmed your heart.

Ellen held you at arm's length, her kind eyes studying your face. "You know, you don't have to disappear just because of school, sweetheart. You're always welcome here, no matter what."

Her words tugged at your heartstrings. You knew the Hughes family cared about you deeply, and it pained you to distance yourself from them as well. "I appreciate that, Ellen. It's just been a hectic semester, but I promise I'll make more time for you guys."

The bond between you and the Hughes family ran deep. You had known Jack and his brothers since childhood, and your connection had only grown stronger over the years. You were there for them through thick and thin, and they, in turn, had become an integral part of your life. You'd been close with the family since you were young, you'd been there for the brothers since day one.

From building sandcastles at the beach during summer vacations to sharing secrets by the campfire during family camping trips, your memories with the Hughes brothers were countless. Ellen and Jim Hughes had always treated you like one of their own, and you felt a sense of belonging that was unmatched anywhere else.

As the years passed and feelings grew more complex, you found yourself at a crossroads. You had always been there for Jack, offering your support and friendship without reservation. However, as your feelings for him had deepened, it had become increasingly challenging to hide your true feelings. You couldn't risk damaging the close-knit relationship you had with the Hughes family, especially when you knew Jack didn't share the same romantic feelings.

So, you made the difficult decision to take a step back, to create some distance in the hope that you could regain control over your heart. It wasn't an easy choice, and it meant missing out on moments with the family that had become a second home to you.

Ellen smiled, her eyes twinkling with understanding. "We've missed you, sweetheart. And I know someone else who's been missing you too."

Your heart skipped a beat at her words, and you couldn't help but wonder if Jack had noticed your absence more than you had expected.

"Luke! Sweetheart, look who's decided to show up!''

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. Of course it wasn't Jack.

Your heart sank as Luke, Jack's younger brother, bounded into the room with excitement. You were confused, you loved Luke equally as Jack (you tried to convince yourself), but Luke wasn't exactly the most enthusiastic person when it came to you. Now, you knew something was up.

"Hey, you," Luke said with a warm smile, giving you a bear hug that nearly squeezed the air out of your lungs.

"Hey, Lukey," you replied, returning his hug with a raised eyebrow. Luke's behavior was unusual, and you couldn't help but wonder if something was going on.

As Luke pulled away, he scrutinized your expression. "You've been MIA for a while. School must really have you swamped."

You nodded, not trusting your voice to betray the mix of emotions you were feeling. Luke was perceptive, and you wondered if he had picked up on your recent distance.

Thankfully, Ellen chimed in, rescuing you from the awkward moment. "Well, we're just glad she's here now! Dinner will be ready soon, so you two catch up while I finish up in the kitchen."

With that, Ellen left you and Luke alone, and you couldn't shake the feeling that Luke's sudden warmth and attention meant that something was amiss in the Hughes household.

"What's up?" You cleared your throat, looking at Luke with a knowing expression.

"Well we all know why you've been really gone," Luke sighed as he glared at you. "You don't have to cut us all of just because Jack got a girlfriend."

"Jack got a girlfriend?" That felt like a dagger to the stomach. Luke's expression, once irritated, softened into one of sympathy as he nodded slowly.

"He didn't... tell you?"

You shook your head, struggling to find your voice. A whirlwind of emotions swirled within you – hurt, confusion, and the sting of betrayal. Jack hadn't confided in you about something as significant as this, and it hurt more than you cared to admit.

"Who is she?" you finally managed to ask, your voice a mere whisper.

Luke hesitated, as if debating how much to reveal. "Her name's Nicole," he began cautiously. "They've been dating for a few months now. It's been pretty serious, which is probably why he didn't want to... you know, complicate things."

You listened to Luke's explanation about Jack and Nicole while a storm of emotions raged within you. The pain of knowing Jack was in a serious relationship was difficult to bear, and the fact that he hadn't told you himself only added to your hurt. You felt like an outsider in his life, someone he had pushed aside.

But then, Luke's words took an unexpected turn, and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But that doesn't matter now, you have to move on and I have the perfect guy for you," he said, his tone surprisingly enthusiastic.

Oh, now everything made sense. It was clear that Luke had an ulterior motive, and you couldn't help but feel a little exasperated. "Luke, I appreciate your concern, but I don't think I'm ready for that kind of thing right now," you replied, trying to be polite even though you didn't appreciate the idea of being set up with one of his friends.

They were all fuck-boys from what you've heard. Luke would go into great detail every time you'd call him for an update. You had heard enough stories about Luke's friends to know that they were often more interested in casual relationships than anything serious.

"They were all fuck-boys from what you've told me," you said with a wry smile. Luke had a tendency to share his escapades in great detail, and you couldn't help but be amused by his candidness.

Luke chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, well, they can be a handful sometimes, but I promise this guy is different. He's actually a pretty decent guy, and I think you'd get along. Would I ever set you up for failure, Y/N?"

You raised an eyebrow, still skeptical. "And what's in it for you, Luke? Why are you so invested in setting me up with your friend?"

Luke's expression shifted, and for a moment, he looked genuinely serious. "Because I hate seeing you like this, distant from the family and hurting because of Jack. I just want you to be happy."

His words touched your heart, and you couldn't help but soften a bit. Luke may have had ulterior motives, but it seemed that his concern for your well-being was genuine.

"And um, well, I have a thing for his cousin." Luke cleared his throat and you couldn't help but playfully roll your eyes.

A playful smile tugged at your lips as Luke admitted his own motives. "Ah, I see how it is. A bit of matchmaking for both of us, then?"

Luke grinned, his boyish charm on full display. "Exactly! We help each other out, and everyone's happy."

You chuckled, feeling a sense of warmth and camaraderie with Luke. "Alright, fine Luke. Jeez, the things I do for you."

Luke laughed, appreciating your willingness to humor him. "You're the best, Y/N. You won't regret it, I promise."

──

Dinner had been ready and Ellen decided dinner would be fun outside. The sun was setting, casting a warm, golden glow over the lake, and the sound of crickets filled the air as the family gathered around a long, rustic wooden table set up on the deck, the same one they'd had a decade ago, when you were children.

You took a seat next in between Luke and Jim, Quinn across from you two and Jack nowhere to be found. Before you could ask, your question was answered.

"Where's Jack?" Ellen asked as she sat next to her husband.

"With Nicole," Luke and Quinn had mumbled in response as they both took knowing glances at you. You couldn't help but sigh, would you always be known the girl who's helplessly in love with Jack?

"Wow, you really outdid yourself, Ellen with this chicken. What did you do?" You tried to change the topic with a smile, as you ate dinner.

Ellen beamed at your compliment, clearly pleased that you appreciated her cooking. "Oh, I found it on the TikTok, it was amazing and so easy! You should start making it, it's so easy for school."

The conversation shifted towards discussing recipes and school, and you found it easier to participate in the lighthearted chatter. As the evening went on, you made an effort to focus on the present moment, enjoying the warmth of the Hughes family and pushing aside thoughts of Jack and his new relationship.

After dinner, you and Quinn helped Ellen with the dishes and you found yourself in deep conversation with them. The warmth of their company, along with the shared memories and laughter, made you realize that distancing yourself from the Hughes family wasn't the right course of action. They had been a significant part of your life for so long, and you cherished the bond you shared with them.

You were so engaged in conversation that you didn't hear footsteps that entered the kitchen.

"Hey,"

The sound of the familiar voice calling out "Hey" made your heart skip a beat. You turned around to find Jack standing there, a somewhat sheepish expression on his face. It had been a while since you'd seen him, and the mix of emotions stirred within you once more. And next to him, you assumed to be "Nicole." She looked sweet and you forced a smile at her.

"Hey," you replied, your voice friendly and polite as you acknowledged both Jack and Nicole. You couldn't help but notice the way they stood close to each other, the subtle intertwining of their fingers, and the affectionate glances they exchanged. It was a painful reminder of the gap that had grown between you and Jack.

"Hi, I'm Nicole," she introduced herself with a warm smile.

"Nice to meet you, Nicole. I'm Y/N," you replied, extending a hand for a friendly shake.

"Yeah, I know. These two don't ever stop talking about you." She laughed playfully and you felt heart start beating faster at the prospect of Jack talking about you to his girlfriend.

"Well it was mostly me─" Quinn tried to intervene before you laughed along with her, he was trying to soften the blow.

"Really? Well that's sweet," you replied with a warm smile, even though a small part of you wished Jack would stop talking about you to his girlfriend. It was a complex blend of emotions, wanting to be close to him but also wanting to distance yourself from the heartache.

Ellen smiled, "Well now that you're here, you all can finish the dishes and catch up,"

You nodded, "Okay, sure. Go relax, Ellen."

"Yep, and me." Before you could protest, Quinn left. He certainly didn't want to be there once you started "catching up." You cursed at Quinn in your head as he left the kitchen, alone with Jack and his girlfriend.

The clinking of dishes filled the kitchen as you, Jack, and Nicole worked together on the task at hand. You decided to break the silence with some light conversation.

"So, Nicole, how did you and Jack meet?" you asked, genuinely curious about their relationship.

Nicole smiled, her eyes lighting up. "We actually met at one of his hockey games. My friend had an extra ticket, and I've always been a fan of hockey, so I decided to go. I didn't know I'd end up meeting Jack Hughes in person but now, here we are!"

Jack nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it was a lucky coincidence. We hit it off right away."

"That's so sweet, right out of a book." You laughed and she nodded, blushing. You couldn't help but smile at their story, even though it felt like a bittersweet reminder of what could never be. You were genuinely happy for Jack, and yet, a part of you couldn't help but wish for a different outcome.

Nicole blushed at your comment, clearly smitten with Jack. "Yeah, it does feel a bit like a fairy tale sometimes," she admitted.

"So, Y/N, what have you been up to lately?" Jack cleared his throat, breaking the conversation away from their relationship. You both gazed at one another and you suddenly felt empty. It had never been like this between you two, he never asked what you'd been up to because he always known.

You forced a smile, your chest feeling heavy as you replied, "Oh, you know, just keeping busy with school and spending time with family." It was a vague response, deliberately leaving out the part about missing him. You didn't want to make things awkward, and you certainly didn't want to burden him with your own emotions.

Jack nodded, seemingly accepting your answer. "That's good to hear. School can be pretty demanding, I bet."

"Yeah, it keeps me on my toes," you replied, trying to keep the conversation light. It was becoming increasingly clear that the dynamic between you and Jack had changed, and it was going to take some time to adjust to this new reality.

Before he could respond, Luke came into the kitchen and he immediately looked like he regretted it. He forced a smile, "Um, is there any ice cream in the... fridge?"

You couldn't help but chuckle at Luke's somewhat awkward entrance. It was clear he was trying to give you and Jack some space, even though the tension in the room was palpable.

"Luke, you know where the ice cream is," you replied with a knowing look, amusement dancing in your eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I just... thought I'd ask," Luke stammered before quickly retreating from the kitchen, leaving you, Jack, and Nicole alone once more.

As the last dish was placed in the drying rack, you couldn't help but glance at Jack, his profile highlighted by the soft kitchen light. He turned to you with a smile.

"Anyways, Trevor and Alex are coming tomorrow, you excited to see them?" Jack added with a friendly tone, trying to bridge the awkward gap that had formed during your conversation.

You nodded, appreciating the effort he was making to include you despite the new circumstances. "Yeah, it'd be nice to catch up with them. I haven't talked to 'em in a while."

All three of you exited the kitchen and you went to go find Quinn to give him a lecture. That was until you felt your phone buzz with a text message,

luke my friends are here they wanna meet u

Before you could type your answer, Luke gave you another text.

lukejack and his gf aren't here. just come 😑

You rolled your eyes at his attitude and quickly went to go find him and his friends. You quickly found them by the pool and you opened the sliding door, his friends whipped their heads to take a look at you.

"Hey, Luke," you greeted him with a smile, momentarily ignoring the curious glances. "You wanted me to meet your friends?"

"Well you said yourself you wanted to meet 'em earlier," Luke nodded and you got the memo.

You nodded and smiled, deciding to go along with Luke's plan. After all, it was a chance to distract yourself from the complicated situation with Jack and his new girlfriend. Luke's friends seemed friendly enough, and you were always open to making new acquaintances.

"I'm pretty sure you've met Ethan and Dylan before,"

You nodded politely. You had met them when you had helped him move in a few months ago and they were nice enough. "Yeah, nice to see you guys again."

"Yeah, you too." They replied in union, making you laugh.

"And this is Mark," Luke glanced knowingly at you and you instantly knew that this was the guy who had developed a crush on you.

When Luke introduced Mark, you couldn't help but notice the subtle shift in his friends' expressions. It was clear that Mark's crush on you wasn't a well-kept secret among their group. You offered Mark a friendly smile, wanting to make him feel comfortable despite the awkwardness of the situation.

"Nice to meet you, Mark," you said, extending a hand for a handshake. "Luke's told me a lot about you guys."

Mark's cheeks turned a faint shade of pink as he shook your hand. "Yeah, he's talked about you too."

Luke sat back down and you took a seat next to him, right across from Mark. "Oh does he?" You teased him.

Luke, attempting to play it cool, shrugged nonchalantly. "Just mentioned how nice you are, no big deal."

Ethan and Dylan exchanged knowing glances, trying to suppress their laughter. It was evident to everyone at the table that there was more to Luke's mention than he let on.

"Nice?" You couldn't help but laugh and exchange glances with Mark, a grin on his face. He was cute, you had to admit that. He was exactly your type, he looked sweet and had a cute smile. Maybe Luke was a pretty good matchmaker, so far.

"Yeah, he told us how cool you were. And then he showed us your instagram and all of us fell in love," Ethan mentioned, quickly pausing and glancing at Mark before continuing. "Well not in love but we all thought you were pretty. Well, I mean you are but like-"

"I get it," You laughed at his nervous rambling. You took another glance at Mark and gave him a smile, his cheeks turning even redder (somehow).

The table erupted in laughter, and it was clear that everyone was having a good time. Even Mark seemed to have settled into the friendly atmosphere, and you couldn't deny the chemistry you felt with him. It was lighthearted and fun, a welcome distraction from the complicated feelings you had for Jack.

As the night wore on, you noticed that Ethan, Luke, and Dylan began to exchange glances and sharing quiet conversations. It was clear that they had some sort of plan in mind, and you couldn't help but wonder what they were up to. You decided to play along, knowing that whatever they had in store was likely meant to bring you and Mark closer and anything would help to make you forget about Jack.

"Hey, Mark, do you want to check out the lake?" you suggested, giving him a sweet smile. The lake house had always been a place of fond memories for you, and it would be a great opportunity to spend some time alone with Mark.

Mark's face lit up. "Sure, that sounds like a great idea, let's go."

You excused yourselves from the table, and as you walked towards the sliding glass door that led to the lake, you couldn't help but notice the mischievous smiles on Ethan, Luke, and Dylan's faces. They were clearly up to something, you tried to ignore their expressions.

Once outside, the two of you made your way down to the edge of the lake. The moon reflected on the calm water, casting a romantic glow.

"So, Y/N, tell me more about yourself," Mark began, his voice soft and inviting.

You smiled, feeling a sense of warmth in the cool summer night air. "Well, there's not much to tell, really." You chuckled before continuing, "Just trying to finish up school and move to Europe."

Mark's eyes widened with curiosity. "Europe? That sounds amazing. What's drawing you there?"

You gazed at the shimmering reflection of the moon on the lake, lost in thought for a moment. "I don't know, these past months have been hard. And I never thought about moving out of the states but recently, I just wanna let go and start fresh, you know?"

Mark nodded, understanding what you meant. "I get that, a change of scenery can help with that feeling."

You sighed, feeling a sense of relief in opening up to Mark. "Exactly. I just want to explore new horizons, experience different cultures, and maybe find a new perspective on life."

"I've always wanted to go to France, I know it's basic but I heard they had good hot chocolate and had to try it." Mark smiled down at you and you couldn't help but let out a soft laugh.

"That doesn't sound basic at all," you replied with a grin. "I would love to visit France, even if it is every person's dream."

Mark chuckled, his eyes locked onto yours. "Maybe we can both make our way to Europe someday. Who knows, our paths might cross in a cozy café in Paris."

The idea painted a vivid picture in your mind, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to indulge in the possibility. "That sounds like a dream."

A sudden breeze began to pick up and you felt yourself shiver and Mark noticed. Without saying another word, he took off his jacket and quickly wrapped it around your shoulder.

It was a cliche, you know that. But as you looked at Mark, you felt a sense of warmth that had nothing to do with the jacket. His kindness and consideration made your heart skip a beat, something you hadn't experienced in a while. You smiled at him gratefully, the cool breeze forgotten as you were wrapped in his warmth.

"Thank you, Mark," you said softly, your eyes meeting his. In that moment, under the moonlight by the lake, you felt a connection that was unlike anything you had experienced in a long time.

Mark smiled back at you, his eyes holding a glint of something more. "Anytime, Y/N."

As the night wore on, your conversation with Mark flowed effortlessly, you found yourself drawn further into Mark's world, and the thought of Jack and his complicated situation faded into the background even if only for that night. In Mark's company, you were starting to feel a glimmer of hope for the fresh start you had been yearning for.

──

You awoke with the sound of laughter. Your eyes opened groggily and you felt your back scream in pain and it took a minute to realize exactly where you were.

You laid on Mark's chest, a blanket laid out on the both of you. You were on the couch and the memories of last night quickly flooded back into your head.

"Aww, Marky, you got yourself a girlfriend finally!" Ethan exclaimed as Mark tried to cover your face with the blanket, an (failed) attempt to not to wake you. They hadn't noticed you were awake.

"Ha ha ha, so funny." Mark mumbled in false amusement as he yawned.

You decided to remain quiet, pretending to still be asleep, curious to hear how Mark would handle the situation. A smile stretched your lips as you continued to eavesdrop.

"Seriously though, Mark, she's pretty," Dylan chimed in. "You two looked really cozy last night."

"Yeah, yeah," Mark replied, his tone still somewhat defensive. "We were just talking. You guys are reading too much into it."

"Sure, Mark, whatever you say," Ethan teased, and you could practically hear the grin in his voice. "Just talking, my ass."

"My clothes are still on, right?" Mark groaned quietly. "Could you guys be quiet, she's sleeping."

"Awww, Marky!" Ethan let out a booming laugh and you took that as your cue to 'wake up.'

You let out a yawn and pushed down the blanket from your face and they all quieted down. "Good... morning?"

"You have a good sleep last night?" Ethan teased and you tried to ignore the warm feeling in your cheeks as you got up from the couch. Mark frowned as you got up, feeling his body get cool.

You stretched your arms and stifled another yawn before responding to Ethan's teasing. "Yeah, it was quite comfortable here, actually."

"I bet," Ethan replied as he wiggled his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes.

"Okay, well, I'm going to brush my teeth."

"Wait, let's go eat first." Mark quickly replied, making Dylan and Ethan exchange glances.

"Before... brushing my teeth?" You smiled at that. He was cute, for sure.

"Yeah, Mark, let her go brush her teeth. Knowing what you two did-"

"Shut up," Mark groaned as you let out a chuckle. "Yeah, go brush your teeth."

You nodded and walked away from the living room, quickly ascending up the stairs and into the bathroom. The smile hadn't left your face and you felt like absolutely nothing could ruin your mood.

Well, you were wrong.

As you brushed your teeth happily, you heard the familiar noise in the next room other. The rhythmic banging, the moaning─

Oh no, you thought to yourself. You felt your stomach twist in disgust as let out an audible gag. The room next to the bathroom was Jack's and the only couple in the entire house was Jack and Nicole. You connected the dots and you suddenly felt nauseous.

You spit your paste and quickly rinsed your mouth. You needed to get out of there immediately. As you walked out of the bathroom, you bumped into one person you did not want to see.

"Oh shoot, sorry."

You looked up to see Nicole. She looked tired, her red hair messy and her neck filled with marks. They were obviously busy last night and you tried to push the visual of them having sex out of your mind as you forced a smile. "No, you're totally good."

She smiled and gave your shoulder a pat before walking to the bathroom. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and let your shoulders fall as you walked down the stairs.

You smelled hash browns in the air, your favorite, but somehow you still felt sick to your stomach. The imagery was still stuck in your head, you felt disgusting.

You made your way to the dining table and took a seat next to Quinn, crossing your arms and he immediately knew what was wrong. Your disgusted facial expression, your annoyed attitude, everything.

"They're like fucking bunnies," Quinn mumbled to you and you looked back at him with a nod. He looked tired, too. It looked like they kept him up and you were suddenly grateful you slept downstairs, even with the ache in your lower back. He put a hand on your shoulder in comfort. "Hey, if it makes you better, he lasts about a few minutes. You wouldn't want that."

His unusual teasing tone still didn't make you better, you knew Quinn was trying his best to make you feel better. You forced a smile and nodded, "Yeah. That's gross."

"What's gross?"

You turned your head to see Jack; his disheveled appearance making you gag internally, knowing what you know. You made eye contact for a few seconds before averting your gaze to the table.

"Nothing, buddy." Quinn responded with a smirk and they both exchanged a laugh. Jack then, took a seat right across from you. Now you literally couldn't move your gaze anywhere else without making it obvious.

Quinn seemed determined to keep the mood light, though, and he continued with the banter. "I heard you and Mark spent the night together last night."

There was a pause and a few awkward glances before he continued, "Um, not like that."

Jack looked directly at you and he had unreadable expression on his face. Confusion? Annoyance? Jealousy? Maybe a mix of all three.

"Well, we just-"

Before you continue you heard Ethan and Dylan's booming laughter as they entered the dining room, plates in their hands. They immediately exchanged glances as they realized who was in the room before putting sitting down with their plates.

"Your mom has food in the kitchen, if you guys... want any." Ethan tried to diffuse the tension as he smiled and looked at Dylan. "Mark's in there, Y/N."

As you got up to find Mark, you couldn't help but exchange a glance with Jack. His expression was hard to decipher – there was a mix of emotions, but it was clear that the mention of you spending the night with Mark had affected him in some way. You couldn't dwell on it for too long, though, as you headed to the kitchen to find Mark.

In the kitchen, you found Mark helping himself to some breakfast. He looked up and gave you a warm smile as you entered. "Hey, good morning."

He quickly noticed your expression and he turned to you with confusion, "Everything okay?"

You nodded, trying to shake off the lingering discomfort from the dining room. "Yeah, just... things got a bit awkward in there. Thanks for last night, by the way."

Mark chuckled, handing you a plate of food. "No problem at all. It was fun."

As you both made your way back to the dining room, you couldn't help but wonder what the day had in store for you, especially with the lingering tension between you and Jack.

You sat down next to Quinn as Mark quickly made his way to the empty seat next to you. Finally, everyone started piling into the dining room and everyone started eating.

The atmosphere in the dining room remained tense as everyone continued eating. Nicole was sitting next to Jack and noticed the slight change in him, he seemed more... moody. You tried your best to focus on your plate and engage in conversation with those around you, but it was hard with Jack's presence so close.

As the meal progressed, you felt Jack's gaze on you, a burning sensation that you couldn't ignore. Finally, after a while, Jack spoke up, his tone casual as he said, "So, Y/N, Mark seemed like a nice guy. How long have you known him?"

Mark exchanged a glance between the two of you, choosing peace and continued to eat.

His seemingly innocent question struck a nerve. You knew he was deliberately bringing up Mark to gauge your reaction, and it irritated you. Trying to maintain your composure, you replied, "Just met last night."

Jack's eyebrows raised slightly, a hint of surprise in his expression as he processed your response. It seemed your terse reply had caught him off guard. Mark continued to eat quietly, not wanting to get caught up in the tension.

After a moment of silence, Jack cleared his throat, attempting to sound nonchalant but failing to hide a hint of sarcasm. "Well, you two certainly seemed close for people who just met." Before you could respond, he continued under his breath, "Didn't know you were that easy."

Quinn kicked Jack's leg under the table and Nicole seemed distressed, too.

You bit your tongue. You clenched your fork tightly, your frustration mounting. "We were just having a conversation, Jack. Is that not allowed?"

Jack's gaze didn't waver as he replied, "Of course it is, Y/N. Just making conversation here because apparently I don't know anything about you anymore."

That really struck a move. He didn't know anything about you anymore? Jack's words hit you like a dagger to the heart. The pain and frustration were evident in his tone, and you could sense the turmoil in his emotions. It was clear that your distancing had affected him more than you had realized.

The tension at the table was palpable as everyone watched the exchange between you and Jack. Quinn cleared his throat, trying to mediate. "Guys, can we not do this right now?"

You felt yourself get more heated as you heard Ellen say something but you couldn't even comprehend it, that's how angry you were. Without thinking, you pushed your chair back and got up from the table. Your voice was strained with anger as you addressed Jack.

"Do you have no idea what it's been like for me, Jack?" You couldn't help but raise your voice, your pent-up emotions pouring out. "You just assume things and make stupid comments, but you don't know the half of it. This distance isn't just about you, it's about me trying to protect myself too."

The room was now filled with an uncomfortable silence, and it was clear that your outburst had taken everyone by surprise. Nicole placed a comforting hand on Jack's arm, silently pleading for him to let it go. Mark, too, looked uncomfortable, not wanting to be caught in the middle of this argument.

Jack's expression had shifted from surprise to a mix of anger and hurt as he absorbed your words. He clenched his jaw, clearly struggling to find the right response. Nicole's gentle touch on his arm seemed to be a calming influence, and he took a deep breath before speaking, his voice more controlled.

Ellen, sensing that the situation had become too tense, interjected again, her voice gentle but firm.

"Let's all take a step back, please? Y/N, sweetheart, maybe you could use a little breather, and we can all reconvene when things have calmed down."

You felt embarrassed as you looked around the room, all eyes seemingly on you and Jack. Feeling the weight of everyone's eyes on you, you nodded, your initial anger having dissipated into a mix of regret and awkwardness. You understood that your outburst had been uncharacteristic and uncomfortable with everyone there. With a forced smile, you mumbled an apology.

"Yeah, maybe I do need a little breather. Sorry about that, everyone." You turned away from the table and quickly exited the dining room. Outside, the fresh air greeted you, and you took a moment to collect your thoughts.

As you stood there, lost in thought, you couldn't help but wonder if there was any way to mend the growing rift between you and Jack, or if it was time to accept that things might never be the same again.

You stayed outside and spent the most of the day alone, outside in the pool trying to get a tan. The boys had all been playing pool inside and you were glad alone.

The sun beat down on you as you lounged by the pool, trying to soak in the warmth and forget about the tension from earlier. The sound of laughter from inside the house was a stark contrast to the solitude you sought outside.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear your mind. The cool water of the pool offered a refreshing escape from the heat, and you decided to take a dip to cool off and clear your thoughts.

As you swam in the crystal-clear water, you couldn't help but replay the argument with Jack in your mind. It weighed heavily on your heart, and you wondered if there was a way to make amends and rebuild the bond you had once shared.

"Hey,"

You let out a yelp as you heard Mark's voice and he let out a soft laugh as he walked over to the pool, dipping his legs into the pool.

"Hey," you laughed, pushing a wet strand of hair out of your face. "Sorry, you scared me there."

Mark chuckled, the sound light and soothing. "No worries, didn't mean to sneak up on you. Just thought you could use some company."

You appreciated his gesture and nodded. "Thanks, Mark. It's been definitely been a... day."

He nodded in understanding, his gaze sympathetic. "I could tell. The argument with Jack didn't look fun."

You sighed, the weight of it all still pressing on you. "Yeah, it wasn't. Sorry about him throwing you in the middle of it, I don't know what's going on with him."

He stayed quiet as he listened and nodded. You looked at him, waiting for some kind of response. He looked like he was weighing something in his head. "Well... it seems like he's jealous."

Jealous? You blinked in surprise, not expecting Mark to say that. "Jealous? Why would he be jealous?" You knew why, but it hadn't even seemed like a possibility in your mind.

Mark had a thin-lipped smile as he continued, "I mean why else would be an absolute dick about me spending the night with you?"

You stayed quiet, you had no idea how to deal with this. Of course this would happen to you on what was supposed to be a peaceful lake-house trip.

"Can I ask you a question, Y/N? But you have to be 100% honest with me." Mark's tone seemed serious as he spoke and you felt your heart drop. "Have you and Jack ever hooked up? Or like, dated?"

"No," that was the true answer but it looked like Mark hadn't bought it. "Well, I've always liked him." It felt weird to admit that and Mark's expression looked hurt as you continued. "That's why I stopped talking to him. I realized it would never go anywhere and I was still living in my head, it would've never worked out with me and Jack."

Admitting it out loud hurt more than you expected. You would never work out with Jack, no matter how hard you wanted it to.

"You still like him?"

You weighed your options but as you looked at Mark and everything that could happen, you knew the right answer. "No."

──

"Y/N!"

You heard Trevor's excited shout and you turned around, you felt Trevor embrace you tightly. You let out a laugh as he continued hugging you tightly, it had been a couple months since you'd last seen him.

He was always just as close to you as Jack, he was your true best friend. He had been there for you when Jack wasn't.

"Trevor!" You returned his hug with equal enthusiasm, feeling a surge of warmth and happiness at the sight of your close friend.

He pulled away with a big smile on his face, "Wow, why do you actually look good?" He said with a playful flirty undertone, making you laugh.

"Don't know, maybe it's the lack of Jack." As you turned to look behind him, you locked eyes with another close friend, Alex. He smiled and walked up to you; he was definitely the calm one in the friend-group. He gave you a hug before Trevor continued.

He rolled his eyes, "You still on that? Come on, Y/N."

You chuckled at Trevor's playful teasing, realizing that his presence had indeed lifted your spirits. "I can't help it, Trev. It's like a curse or something."

Alex joined in with a gentle laugh. "Well, we're here now, so you don't have to think about Jack for a while."

With your friends around, the atmosphere lightened even further, and you felt grateful for their presence. It was a chance to forget about the tension with Jack and simply enjoy the reunion with your closest friends.

"Oh shit." Alex mumbled, "I forgot my phone in the car,"

"Oh no worries, I'll come with you," you offered, eager to catch up with Alex and have a moment away from the group.

As you both headed to the car, Alex spoke in a hushed tone, "How have you been, Y/N? I know things have been tough."

You appreciated his concern and gave him a small smile. "I've had my ups and downs, but I'm good now. I'm glad you decided to come to the lake house, I've missed you two."

Alex nodded, his expression thoughtful. "We've missed you too. And I know things have changed with Jack, but we're here to support you no matter what."

As you arrived in the hallway, you had no time to respond as you heard yelling in the garage. You and Alex exchanged confused glances as you tried to listen in.

"What, Jack?! What's the excuse now, she literally said she's liked you forever!" You heard Nicole's voice and you felt your heart drop. She heard you in the pool?

You and Alex exchanged concerned glances as you strained to hear the conversation in the garage. Nicole's voice had a tone of frustration, and it was evident that she was upset about something. The mention of your feelings for Jack made your heart race.

Jack's voice responded, his tone defensive. "Nicole, it's not that simple. Y/N and I have a complicated history, okay?"

Nicole sounded exasperated as she retorted, "Complicated history? Jack, she's moved on. Why can't you?"

Their voices grew louder, and you could feel the strain in their relationship even from a distance. It was clear that your presence had stirred up emotions and issues between them, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt.

As you leaned in closer to the door, it suddenly opened and you and Alex jumped.

The sudden opening of the door startled both you and Alex, and you found yourself face to face with a frustrated-looking Nicole. Her eyes widened in surprise at seeing you eavesdropping on their argument.

"Y/N..." Nicole began, her voice trailing off as he seemed at a loss for words.

You quickly glanced at Alex, who was equally taken aback by the unexpected confrontation.

"I'm so sorry, Nicole, I didn't know that you heard me and I promise you I would never, ever try anything while you were with Jack-"

She cut you off with a forced smile, "I get it. It's not your fault." She sneered at Jack before continuing. "It's not your fault Jack can't get over his childhood crush."

"Nicole, let's not do this here," Jack said, his voice tinged with frustration. He glanced at you and Alex before turning back to her. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"There is no later! I'm done." She yelled back at him, her eyebrows furrowing in utter anger. "You already made your decision, it was either me or her and we all know your choice. I won't be a second choice, Jack. I've been second to her our entire relationship and I just met her, can you imagine how I've felt?"

The raw pain in Nicole's eyes was impossible to ignore, and it was clear that she had reached her breaking point. Her outburst had laid bare the insecurities and frustrations that had been festering beneath the surface, and it left everyone in the room with a heavy sense of unease. You could see the hurt in her eyes, and it was clear that their relationship had reached a breaking point. You couldn't help but feel guilty, was it your fault?

While you knew you weren't responsible for the choices Jack had made in his relationship, it was impossible not to wonder if your presence had somehow worsened the situation. You had never intended to come between them or cause any harm.

You exchanged a glance with Alex, who looked equally uncomfortable with the situation. The unease in the room was palpable, and there were no easy answers to the complex emotions and dynamics at play.

Jack's shoulders slumped, and he looked defeated. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. It was a painful silence, and you could feel the weight of the history and emotions between Jack and Nicole.

Finally, he managed to speak, his voice soft and filled with regret. "I'm so sorry, Nicole. I never meant for any of this to happen-"

Nicole didn't respond. She simply turned and walked away, leaving Jack standing there, his face etched with a complex mix of emotions.

Jack ran a hand through his hair before he quickly pushed past you and Alex to run after Nicole. "Fuck, baby please listen!"

You and Alex exchanged looks before he sighed heavily, "Wow. What the hell did me and Trev miss."

"You have no idea," you sighed as you began walking to his car for the thing you had came in there for.

──

You sat next to Mark as you both dangled your feet in the water, everyone was outside and it finally felt like relaxing trip. It finally felt like the lake house; no drama (for the most part), cool summer air, and all your close friends in one place.

Sitting by the water with Mark, you felt a sense of calm wash over you. The drama from earlier had dissipated, and you were grateful for the opportunity to unwind with your friends. The cool breeze, the soothing sounds of the lake, and the laughter of your friends created a serene atmosphere that allowed you to momentarily forget about the complexities of your relationships.

You turned to Mark and offered a genuine smile. "Thanks for being here today, Mark. It means a lot."

He returned your smile warmly. "Of course, Y/N. I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to or just hang out with."

As the stars began to twinkle in the night sky, you found yourself leaning in closer to Mark. His presence felt comforting and reassuring. You locked eyes with him, and there was a shared understanding between you.

In that moment, you realized that Mark had become more than just a friend. He was someone who had been there for you, who had listened, and who had shown you support when you needed it, something you hadn't experienced from any partner. And perhaps, in the midst of all the chaos, you had found something unexpected: the possibility of a new beginning.

As your faces drew nearer, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in that quiet, starlit moment. It was a moment of choice, a moment where you could let go of the past and embrace the future.

With a gentle, lingering touch, your lips met Mark's, and for that brief, stolen moment, it felt like the world was right where it should be.

Then it felt wrong. You pulled away and you turned your head almost instinctively and there he was. Jack, standing there, watching the scene unfold.

The shock on Jack's face was undeniable, and it was as if time had frozen in that moment. His presence shattered the tranquility that had enveloped you and Mark, leaving an awkward and tense silence in its wake.

Mark pulled away from you slowly, his expression a mix of surprise and uncertainty. You could feel your heart racing, caught between the past and the present, between the familiarity of Jack and the newfound connection with Mark.

Jack scoffed and walked away, leaving your heart shattered; like he always did. As you began to get up, Mark gripped your arm. You looked down at him and found yourself at crossroads.

Mark or Jack? Mark or Jack? Mark: the sweetest boy with the sweetest smile, or Jack: the person you'd loved your entire life.

You knew the answer. Everyone knew the answer. You moved your arm from his grip and got up, leaving him seated in the pool. You ran after Jack and it suddenly hit you. He'll always have this power over you, his beautiful smile always had this effect on you.

It made you nauseous as you tried to find where he was, like you always did. He would always pick someone else and you always had to pick him, that was just how it worked.

You ran after Jack, your heart pounding in your chest. The familiar ache of chasing after someone who always seemed just out of reach gnawed at you. It was a pattern you had repeated countless of times, a dance of longing and rejection that you couldn't seem to break free from no matter how hard you tried.

As you searched for him, you couldn't help but feel a sense of desperation. You knew that choosing Jack meant choosing the same cycle of heartache, but it was a choice you had made so many times before. His smile, his presence, his history with you—it all had a hold on you that was impossible to shake.

Finally, you spotted him by the edge of the lake, his silhouette illuminated by the moonlight. He turned to look at you, his expression a mix of surprise and uncertainty, as if he couldn't believe you had chosen him once again.

You didn't say anything as you approached him. Words felt meaningless in that moment. Instead, you simply reached out and took his hand, intertwining your fingers with his, and with that simple gesture, you made your choice.

It might have been the same old pattern, the same old dance, but it was your choice to make, and for now, it was the one that felt right.

As you looked into his eyes, the same ones you'd adored since day one, you felt deja vu. You felt angry; how could one person have such control over you? In the depths of his eyes, you saw a reflection of your own emotions, a turbulent mix of desire, frustration, and longing. It was a maddening feeling, to be so deeply ensnared by someone who seemed to hold all the power in your relationship.

The moonlight cast a soft glow on both of you as you stood by the lake, hand in hand, the weight of your choice settling in. It was a choice that defied reason and logic, a choice that defied the very patterns you had tried to break free from. But for now, it was your choice, and you would face the consequences, whatever they may be, with Jack by your side.

You felt an unexpected sob ripple from your chest and you ripped your hand from his, covering your mouth with your hand. You closed your eyes and you felt Jack pull you closer, into his chest.

As the sobs wracked your body, you felt Jack's arms around you, offering a comforting embrace. It was a mixture of relief and hurt, the weight of your choice bearing down on you. You had chosen to follow your heart, even if it meant stepping into the same cycle of uncertainty and longing.

Jack held you tightly, his own emotions undoubtedly conflicted, but in that moment, it was a silent understanding between the two of you. The night was still, and the moon illuminated the path you had chosen, as well as the challenges that lay ahead.

"It's okay, shh. I'm... here now, I'm sorry." He mumbled as he planted a kiss on your head.

You felt such anger in your stomach as he said those words so easily. Was it okay? Was he really here, with you? Was he truly sorry. You pushed him away and you saw him fumble back, hurt in his eyes as you fell on to your knees, taking a seat on the cold sand of the lake.

The anger, the hurt, the confusion, it all swirled within you as you sat there on the cold sand, tears streaming down your face. You couldn't make sense of your emotions, and Jack's words, well-intentioned as they might have been, didn't provide the solace you needed.

Jack remained a few steps away, watching you with a pained expression, unsure of how to bridge the gap between you. The silence between you was heavy, filled with unspoken words and unresolved feelings.

"Do you know..." You sniffled, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. You didn't even know where to begin. "I've spent my entire fucking life pining after you. Every single moment has been dedicated to the great Jack fucking Hughes, did you know that?"

Your bitter words felt like a dagger to the heart to the both of you. You continued, "I always choose you. I always fucking choose you!" You screamed out angrily, as Jack flinched. He'd never seen you this angry in his entire life.

"Why do I always choose you? You're like every other guy in the world." Your tears streamed down your face. "But you're special to me," you mumbled as Jack's breathing became heavy with emotion. "You always choose everyone else but me. I never knew why." You were just rambling at this point but you would be lying if you said it didn't feel good.

You looked up at Jack. "I watched you fall for people who didn't see you the way I did, who didn't know you the way I did, and I stood there, invisible, as you gave your heart to them."

Your words cut deep, each one a painful reminder of the years of unrequited love and longing.

"And then," you whispered, your voice barely audible, "when I finally thought it might be my turn to finally be with someone who actually liked me, who wanted me, I choose you again." Your voice cracked as you mentioned Mark.

You wiped away fresh tears, and the pain in your eyes was palpable. "It hurts, Jack. It hurt more than I can put into words. But I still chose you, again."

A sob caught in your throat, and you continued, your words heavy with emotion. "I've cried myself to sleep, wondering why I wasn't good enough for you, why you never saw me the way I saw you. And every time you got hurt, I was right there with you, helping and being there." You paused. "And when I was hurt, where the fuck were you? Probably with some girl who never knew you like I did. Who will never know you like I do."

Jack's eyes were filled with remorse, and you could see the pain in his expression, but you couldn't stop now. You had to let it all out.

"I convinced myself that if I just kept waiting, if I just kept choosing you, someday you'd see me for who I was, you'd choose me. But it never happened, Jack. It never happened, and it broke my heart a little more every day."

Your voice broke again as you sniffled, "I've missed out on so much because of you," you continued, your voice trembling with emotion. "I've given up on amazing opportunities, on people who genuinely cared about me, all because I thought someday you'd choose me too."

Jack took a seat beside you, the weight of your words sinking in. You didn't fight it, you were too tired.

The lake's gentle waves lapped against the shore, providing a soothing backdrop to the turmoil of emotions swirling around both of you. He didn't say anything for a while, the silence between you heavy with unspoken regret.

Finally, he broke the silence, his voice soft and filled with remorse. "I didn't know. I didn't mean to... hurt you."

You turned to look at him, your eyes meeting his. You saw the sincerity in his gaze, but it was accompanied by a sense of helplessness. It was as if he had finally realized the depth of the pain he had caused you.

"I couldn't like you, Y/N." It sounded harsher than it actually was as he continued. "I just couldn't. You were too good, Y/N, you are a sweetheart. I was scared to taint you, and I would've never forgiven myself if I did..."

"Taint me?" You scoffed, pain in your tone. "You tainted me the moment you met me, Jack."

Those words hung in the air as he swallowed, taking your words into consideration. "I'm so sorry, Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with remorse. "I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted any of this."

You sighed, the anger and frustration slowly giving way to a sense of resignation. It was a complicated situation, and both of you had made mistakes along the way. "I know, Jack. I know you didn't."

In that moment, you both shared a painful understanding of the past and the choices that had brought you to this point. You would always choose him, and he'd always choose them. But as he put his hand on top of yours, your body entire body felt like it was on fire.

As you looked into Jack's eyes, you saw a mixture of emotions - regret, longing, and a hint of hope. It was as if he, too, was wrestling with the undeniable connection that had always existed between you.

"I'm not saying it'll be easy, Y/N," he murmured, his thumb gently tracing circles on the back of your hand. "But maybe... just maybe, we can find a way to make this work."

His words hung in the air, and for the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to entertain the possibility of a future with Jack, a future where you didn't have to choose between him and anyone else.

Maybe all of that pining wasn't for nothing. Maybe in the end, he would have chosen you. But would you choose him? Could you finally resist him?

As you sat there, the gentle breeze ruffling your hair and the quiet waters of the lake before you, you contemplated Jack's words. The years of pining and longing, the heartaches and frustrations, all seemed to converge in this one moment.

Maybe, just maybe, this was the moment where the tides would turn, and you could choose a different path, one that didn't revolve around Jack. But the choice was yours to make, and it wouldn't be easy. You knew the allure of Jack, the history you shared, and the magnetic pull between you two would always be there.

For now, you decided to savor the night, knowing that the future held uncertainties and challenges, but also the potential for something beautiful. As you gazed at the moonlit lake, you couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead and what choices you would make when the time came.

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[cardos-talking]

every time i finish a piece i want to fckn drop art... even if i want to draw, this shit is so discouraging for some reason, it's been months and im tired

---

found this post in my drafts from april i think? but i still feel it so much, nothing has changed. idk why i keep drawing, just bc i have nothing else to do and i feel guilty to waste all those years i spent learning? idk. lately for some reason every small thing feels like a kick in the gut and i've been contemplating about stopping for a while. and considering health issues every art feels like the last now

I never feel like i belong anywhere, in any fandom i like, in any group that i might be invited to... it makes me feel a bit nicer when someone says that my art cheered them up a bit or sth but it's so temporary :( i miss the days when my art alone made me a bit proud like hell yeah i drew that (which there wasn't much of them either)

before i started posting my art online, i was drawing very rarely and only for myself or that one "friend" who either ignored it or said like cool or sth and changed the topic. I absolutely hated what i do. I spend years to start loving my art, i like what i drew during that "offline" period now, i liked what i did at the time and much of my confidence was coming from online support. And now it's all just gone??? all those years, gone in a few weeks it's so dumb. Idk why i write this or why anyone would read this i'm just so done

gonna push myself and keep goin yet again i guess

[vickyvicarious]

One thing I like about Mina also is that while she very much goes on and on and visibly blushes about how much stronger her husband has become (and honestly didn't we all. didn't we cheer when he got up on his feet and every part of him was in complete focus towards killing his abuser?), her praise for him wasn't reserved for when he got strong. She married him disabled, skin and bones, the dignified gaze she had loved about him now gone, waking up raving mad about demons and wolves and ghosts for a month. And she still kept talking about him as if she was talking about Prince Charming. (Because he always showed he was still the gentle and loving boy she had fallen in love with, under all the physical and mental changes.)

Yes, absolutely. Her letter about her husband is open about how weak he is and how he's a wreck and so on, and it's just as openly gushing and delighted to be his wife.

I feel that I can hardly recall anything of the journey, except that I knew I was coming to Jonathan, and, that as I should have to do some nursing, I had better get all the sleep I could.... I found my dear one, oh, so thin and pale and weak-looking. All the resolution has gone out of his dear eyes, and that quiet dignity which I told you was in his face has vanished. He is only a wreck of himself, and he does not remember anything that has happened to him for a long time past.

On reflection, one of my favorite lines is that bolded bit. Mina knew what she was going into. And rather than panicking over what could have happened to cause such a change, or worrying if she could handle it, or if he'd still be the man she loves, or any of that, her reaction is practical in such an absolutely loving way. She knows he's going to need nursing and care. Obviously she's going to dedicate all her energies towards that, and so she'll have to prepare by getting as much rest as she can now.

(There's also something to be said here about how excited Jonathan was to share his trip with Mina since she hasn't traveled, and how the first time she got to travel she ignored her surroundings completely in favor of him.)

They then decide to get married as soon as possible. In fact, Mina hunts Sister Agatha down to petition for an even earlier marriage after Jonathan entrusts her with the key to his trauma with the journal, and then is weak and needs to sleep again. It goes from him weakly collapsing to 'I'm waiting to hear if we can get married this afternoon' to 'we'll be married in an hour, or as soon as Jonathan wakes up'. Mention of Jonathan's illness/disability is tied to the wedding all the way through. They get married with him propped up in bed. The moment Mina says she's the happiest woman in the world comes right on the heels of Jonathan possibly being confused about time and Mina saying she expects him to have trouble even remembering what year it is:

Then he took my hand in his, and oh, Lucy, it was the first time he took his wife's hand, and said that it was the dearest thing in all the wide world, and that he would go through all the past again to win it, if need be. The poor dear meant to have said a part of the past, but he cannot think of time yet, and I shall not wonder if at first he mixes up not only the month, but the year. Well, my dear, what could I say? I could only tell him that I was the happiest woman in all the wide world, and that I had nothing to give him except myself, my life, and my trust, and that with these went my love and duty for all the days of my life. And, my dear, when he kissed me, and drew me to him with his poor weak hands, it was like a very solemn pledge between us....

It's absolutely undeniable that Mina is well aware of how Jonathan is weak and will be relying upon her very heavily. It's equally undeniable that she loves him and is completely willing to be his support. It's the same thing in her later letters and journals. She talks about his nightmares, his health being slow to return, his obvious stress only being compounded when he loses his father figure and is given lots of new responsibilities. And she admits it's hard. She tells Lucy keeping up her own cheer for his sake is wearing, and she has no one else to confide in. But she doesn't care, she would do it as long as necessary, because she loves Jonathan so much and she knows he loves her too. A lot of things have changed about him, but never that. Never who he is at his core. And that person is her Prince Charming. Sure, he cuts a fine figure with fury blazing in his eyes, strength recovered and then some, knife on his hip... She will obviously swoon over him then. But even in the worst of his recovery, the things he said to her clearly had her swooning then too.

It's not about what he does, it's about who he is. And he never stops being her Jonathan.

[navar44]

Approaching Front

A bit of writing based on @aaytaro-gt ‘s Inktober prompt list.

Day 4 - Rest

==

Even as borrowers, we knew the war was coming. The estate we called home had been in a constant state of quiet worry, a tension clamoring at the walls as the bloodshed drew closer and closer.

The Clamden family were wealthy, but even their two sons had gone off to join the war; still the tide turned against the nation we were in. I’d miss those two kids, they’d added such cheer to the manor when they were born.

So as their house was emptied of effects, and furniture was covered in sheets and blankets, we grew worried. Sure, we could scavenge in the surrounding forest and in the gardens, but if and when the fighting reached us…

Some of the borrower families on the estate left with the wagons of furniture, a young couple hitched a ride in the Clamden family carriage. My mother and I stayed longer than the rest, if only to make sure the others left safely.

Eventually the house was empty of items and beans, and we packed our things to leave. What cooking gear we had was stuffed in bags, spare clothes tucked into packs, and my father’s borrowing tools were hung from my own pack.

We had to leave things of course: my father’s forge equipment, my mother’s family jewelry, the family music box. We couldn’t carry everything.

There was only one ride from the estate by that time; the groundskeeper. He drove one of those buggies, the carts without the horses, and arrived every day to maintain the grounds. It would be a bumpy, loud ride, but it was the only option left.

Normally he would pull into the drive and head to the shed that housed his tools, but today he acted differently. He strode up to the front door, pulled a key from a large loop on his hip, and entered the manor.

He strode into the halls of the estate, looking at the barren walls, checking the covered furniture, and locking the various doors around the building. 

Me and my mother had been hiding near the front door when he’d entered, so that's where we stayed as he wandered around the home. We couldn’t run out with our things while he was doing… whatever it was he was doing, so we were forced to wait.

There was a pit in my stomach as worry turned to fear: once he was done with this, was he leaving? Would we be able to run to his buggy before he drove off? Would he come back if we didn’t make it, or would we be stuck here?

Would we die here, when the war reached us?

His heavy footsteps heralded his approach and I held my breath, heart racing. My mother looked about as calm as I did, so I squeezed her hand. The chill in the air turned to ice as he opened the door, and paused.

Silence reigned for a few seconds, but I couldn’t see what he was doing. What was he waiting for? The bean answered the unasked question 

“I…” He started, voice low and gravelly. “If there are any of you little folk left… ugh...” He trailed off. Me and my mother were frozen now, our breaths held.

He continued after a moment. “I’ve known about y'all for a while now, and I’m sure that isn’t what you want to hear but the war will be here within the next few days. I… won’t be coming back. No-one will.”

“So, if any of y'all are still here: please let me help you.” Finished, he stood in the entryway. Waiting.

My mother and I stared at each other, a mix of fear and apprehension between us. Eventually I squeezed her hand and stepped out from our hole in the wall, staring up at the bean nearby.

He didn't spot us right away so, with some apprehension, I waved up at him. It felt so wrong to do, to force a bean to notice you, but… times change. We had to as well.

His eyes locked onto us and he knelt down, not coming any closer. He smiled behind a thick beard. “I still wasn’t completely sure… never mind that; is there anyone else who hasn’t left yet?”

I cleared my throat, speaking up to him. “Just- just myself and my mother.” It was strange to talk with a bean, and I doubt it was any less odd to the giant. 

Still, he nodded. “Alrighty.” He paused, studying the bags we were carrying. “You’re packed pretty light, if you have anything else you’d like to grab…”

My mother and I shared a look, before I nodded to him. “We have a few things we… had to leave.”

He nodded again. “These times force us to consider what's important and what’s worth keeping, eh? I have more than enough room in the buggy if’n you’d like to bring anything else.”

After checking with my mother, we led the groundskeeper to the space we called home. We managed to gather more items, which he stuffed into an old box. He was kind, to put it simply. More kind than most beans in the tales ever were.

When it came time to leave, we climbed into the box as well. He carried us and our things as easily as if we were nothing, but as gently as if we were worth more than anything he’d ever held.

He set us in the back seat, tying a thin strap around the box. “Sorry if the ride’s a bit bumpy, this old thing tends to hit every rock and pit on the road.”

“It’s fine. Thank you, sir.” 

His cheeks crinkled as he smiled once again. “It's a pleasure.” With that he shut the door. Soon enough, the engine was roaring to life and he climbed into the seat ahead of us. “It’ll be a few hours before we reach Solden so I’d suggest you two rest up: it's a big city.”

And we did, despite the lurching and bumping of the buggy as we trundled down the roads. The man remained quiet for the ride, as did mother and I. I wouldn’t know what to say to a bean, so I was happy for the silence.

I awoke to the sound of the engine powering down, the vibrations of the buggy settling into the sounds of a bustling city. The door next to us opened and the bean re-appeared. 

“I’ll bring the box inside, and I suppose you’ll set out from there. Sit tight a moment longer.” With that, our box was lifted once again, and we were carried from the buggy to the groundskeeper’s home.

He placed the box on the floor before helping me and my mother out of it. We didn’t hesitate to the offered hand, though it was an uncomfortable situation to be in, at the mercy of a bean.

Once we were out of the box, he tipped it over so we could gather our things. “I need to head out before the market closes, grab a few items before they’re all gone.” 

He glanced down at us, a small, knowing smile wrinkled his cheeks. “I assume that by the time I’m back y’all’ll be gone, so I suppose this’d be the time to wish you good luck.”

He offered me a finger, and I shook it as if it were a hand my own size. “Thank you, sir. Sincerely, thank you.” My mother shook the offered finger as well, but stayed silent.

He nodded. “You’re very welcome.” He stood from the floor, stepping away from us with a much more amused smirk. “And thank you for trusting me, I’d have looked a right fool if it turned out y'all weren’t real.” 

He let out a deep laugh as he turned towards the door, stopping one last time to look back at my mother and I. He gave us a final nod and another smile, then stepped out the door, locking it behind him.

We set to work finding a way into the walls, moving everything we’d been able to bring with us. 

It was cozy, the walls a bit thinner than at the manor, but we found other homes with other beans in this large apartment that we could reach when we needed to borrow.

We set up in the walls of the groundskeeper’s kitchen, and settled into our new life, learning the routines of the beans, and finding a few other borrower families in the nearby homes. City life was different, but we adapted.

It was a new life; a new, peaceful home, and I did what I could for the groundskeeper as thanks: dealing with pests and finding lost coins and items to repay the kindness he’d shown us.

It was the least I could do to repay him. After all, thanks to him, the war never reached us.

[fandomdaydreamer]

The Lighthouse and The Ocean

Pt 21

Without You Now

Pairing: Pedro Pascal/OFC

Warnings: angst, allusions to sex

Summary: Their first goodbye is clouded by a conflicting prediction but apart from a tiny worrisome detail, Nini is excited to record Pedro's song at Third Man Records.

Notes: Also find this fic on Ao3 -here- or the series' Masterlist and Playlist -here-

AN: If you're interested, I've included a YouTube vid of a tour at this wonderful interesting place called Third Man Records and an interview with JW III.

Length: 9k

~

Without You Now

The crew stood in a circle around me in the sunset dust, clapping and cheering for me once my last scene was finally wrapped up.

My character had ceased to exist while looking at her love with a smile on her face. We had left things unseen and unheard, giving a sense of hope rather than being lost in the notion that life had almost too much to offer.

I shed a tear, just a little one while the cameras kept rolling and captured my final bow and awe at the copious amount of applause surrounding me. I was absorbed in my colleagues' and friends' appreciation of my work and felt saddened in their midst about everything ending here. Pedro finally took pity and could no longer see me struggling to bear this kind celebration on my own. The uncharacteristically smiley cowboy drew me in for a hug, concluding the feeling that this was the end of an era. How could this have been only two and a half months? I spent a lifetime learning and growing here.

I couldn't imagine we'd be apart by tomorrow. We tried and failed to count the ample hours we had left until my departure but how could we not feel our time shrinking with such a sudden sense of loss when we had spent every minute of it together? Working and living in such proximity seemed worth a year of growing accustomed to each other as a new couple. Dreadful uncertainty behaved like clouds, obscuring my last hours in Mexico.

Today, like any other day, we took one final stroll around the gardens, partly in a prolonged ritual of dining and spending our evening together and partly, so I could say goodbye to the people here and the flowers. When the sun was long gone, our path took us back to our room where we got ready for bed and settled with the book we read together, like it was just any normal night.

I could keep telling myself that just one minute more in his presence would satisfy me for another lifetime. I wanted to be everything he ever wanted because I knew there was only one Pedro in the whole wide world, the only one I desired to be my everything. He was unique, he was here and in return, I was his truly, forever his. I wished to keep him here next to me in my arms when I laid my head against his shoulder and listened to his deep baritone.

While he kept threading his fingers through my hair, I yearned for the seasons to change and the time spent by his side that was yet to come. Six more hours until I would leave for the airport. I closed my eyes and pictured memories of every moment we had spent here together, behaving like strays in a timeless paradise who had been mostly unaware of any bitter endings. Other ways of figuring out how to be together waited right behind that door, down the aisle of that aeroplane and under the restless eyes of the public.

Pedro sighed, our Haruki Murakami book sinking to his chest when we had finished the chapter. "I promise we'll continue reading when we're back together again." He told me softly, awaiting any kind of reaction. After a while, he set the book aside along with his glasses.

I waited for a moment to escape the pessimistic thoughts that tightened around me in such a criminal embrace but it never came. I was afraid to lose us. "We won’t change, will we?" I relieved my troubling mind, sounding a bit hollow.

Pedro's chest rose, a deeply worried sigh escaping him and yet I felt a rush of determined energy passing through us. A kiss on my forehead remedied the frown on my face until I smiled again. "I won't let that happen." He whispered against it. His hand firmly traced my back and our silence brought nothing but peace to my mind. It was a quiet kind of affirmation, a sense of promise that he wasn't going anywhere.

From tomorrow on, we'd be separated again and I could not bear the thought, couldn't bear the thought that Señora Martínez's prediction spoke the truth. The memory of earlier today sparked sadness and insecurity inside.

"A palm reading?" I asked Pedro in a sceptical voice after he had translated what the old and wise Señora Martínez had offered me.

The deeply psychic woman sat in the low evening sun on her crooked stairs, back bent from old age. After she had beckoned us closer with one arthritic, wrinkled finger, she smiled a knowing smile that already made me believe in anything she would have to say. Naturally, I had never felt more put off or scared before in my life, shaking my head with vigour. "No, I can't. Palm readings can tell bad things too. What if-"

"Since when are you so pessimistic?" Pedro gave me a looped and confused smile, seemingly confident about a positive outlook, bless his soul. He leaned down to whisper when Señora still held out for my hand. "It would be rude to decline."

"You first, then." I challenged him, gesturing towards the elderly lady, who cooed contentedly as soon as my boyfriend asked for permission, sat on the stair below hers and placed his palm facing upward into her hand.

Señora's voice crowed. "Eres un alma gentil, sí," she told him. "Good man." She directed her words towards me specifically and smiled an almost entirely toothless smile. Pedro blushed through a chuckle.

I simply nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, I know." I rubbed his shoulder, affectionately, feeling more relaxed by the minute.

"Veo buen fortuna en tu vida con tu esposita." She declared with a gesture towards me and Pedro and I beamed at each other. She said all kinds of things I couldn't comprehend but I continued listening and watching her count the wrinkles underneath his pinky finger. "Mira- la linea de los niños. Uno, dos, tres niños."

Pedro's eyes widened. "Three? I'm f-" he stopped his curse from tumbling from his lips when Señora gave him a strict glare. "No, lo siento. Por favor, esto debe ser un error. I'm almost forty-seven years old, when's that supposed to happen?" He laughed ironically, maybe doubting the accuracy of palm readings too now.

I raised my eyebrows sceptically as well, imagining I could be the woman in this future vision and staring in shock into the void at the prospect of a whole brood of children. Until then, I thanked the stars for contraceptives.

'When' indeed. I could feel my face going pale. Pedro interrupted my train of thought just when I tried to figure out an important equation but he seemed to have interpreted my mortified expression as a sign of utter refusal. His smile trembled nervously. "Honey, don't feel pressured in any way by my old wrinkly palm."

"I told you, I'm a sceptic," I laughed it off, still inwardly panicking about the fact that I seemed to have lost track of my cycle entirely. Mentally, I was trying to count days and days, weeks back when I should have gotten my period.

"Are you sure you don't want to? It's... enlightening." Pedro ripped me out of my internal freakout.

"Eh.... m'okay then." Reluctantly, I knelt and placed my right hand into her open palm, anticipating what she had to say about my future.

The way Pedro held me, I knew he was not telling me something. His hand roamed up my arm and held me close, allowing me to tuck my head underneath his chin and close my eyes.

"I want to stop time," I told him faintly, both frowning and smiling bitterly against the light cotton t-shirt he wore. After filling my lungs with the scent of him, I exhaled deeply.

"Me too." He replied lowly. Pedro raised my hand to kiss the inside of my wrist and trace it to my ring finger like he imagined he could feel the little bump of an invisible wedding band. Maybe he could somehow, reduce the lines on my palm that predicted more misfortune than he had been willing to translate.

His voice took a joyful tone. "You know, I thought about taking you to my favourite little cinema just a little uptown, walks through Central Park when the leaves are turning brown. Maybe we could make a list of all the nook restaurants to visit, antique book markets in spring, picnics during summer." He said, treading on the future path we'd create ourselves, take matters into our own hands. It was our freedom to act on our wishes.

I closed my eyes and smiled, picturing us in said scenarios and scrunching my nose when I locked eyes with him again. "You didn't mention winter."

We exhaled the same kind of grin together. "Winter in New York sucks. Um, art galleries?" He promptly suggested. "Hey, maybe Sharon's vernissage still stands-" I snorted at his outrageous misplaced humour.

I roamed my palm across his broad chest, finally going back to simply relaxing. "I can't even imagine feeling cold now."

"We could hide out winter at my house in LA." He thought and though I loved every part of his idea, I let out a sound of protest.

"Christmas without snow?" I pouted and couldn't bare the loss of my favourite season. I was inclined to look up at him when he turned me on my back, facing me as he propped his hand underneath his chin.

"But Christmas is when the family meets up in Chile." He tried to gently get his will with that sly grin of his. "You don't wanna come and join the family trip with me this year?"

I gasped at the invitation and didn't mind him popping the romantic idea of cosiness and snow outside. Pedro was still very much a family man. "Let me introduce them to my beautiful, talented and-" His hand travelled down to prey on my weak spots and I prepared to be teased. I was already grinning and squirming to protect my sides while his soft voice lured me into this daydream. "-incredibly funny girlfriend who can kick my ass at hiking."

I started giggling when his hands purposely found my ticklish parts. "Yes, of course. I'd absolutely love... to- ah stop, no! I said I want to!" I escaped his hands and felt my heart slam in my chest at the sight of the happiness projected on his face. "Yeah?" He matched my giddiness.

I nodded happily, curling my fingers into the floof of his dark hair. "Allow me to buy your nephews gifts? Not just play secret Santa for my little sister this year."

"Thank you. I'm so lazy." Pedro replied with a dramatised amount of gratitude. I thanked the stars I had found the man I wanted to share all these things with, be my family and become his in return. I was too in love with him to imagine these feelings could ever do anything but grow with each and every day. I loved him like things of lightness are to be loved, out in the open somewhere between the sky and my soul.

Pedro looked between Señora Martínez and me, translating softly as she took a closer look at my love line. "She says our hearts are very old friends that always end up together in one way or another in each of our lifetimes, friends, lovers, family." He beamed happily but my elation at our newly recognised soulmate status was interrupted when she talked to us in a different pitch, frowning. "Ayayay. Unlucky little girl." Señora Martínez shook her head at my palm. "She sees a troubled beginning in your life and a lot of... suffering. Happiness has settled in your life though, you have a very fulfilling but difficult time ahead with a change of career-" Pedro raised his eyebrows at me as to say that, right, this was exactly what was happening. "You'll need to look after your health." Pedro hesitated with his translation, purposefully not mentioning her mumbling something about my odd, disrupted lifeline.

He stopped entirely, frowning when he skipped over a part I didn't understand myself. "What?" I asked, frantically looking back and forth between them and tried not to panic when he skilled his expression. I knew he wouldn't tell me the really bad news. "She just tells you there are two meaningful relationships in your life, both of them resulting in..." He swallowed and my gaze snapped up at her.

"Que significa 'sufrimiento?" I asked her and was met with a compassionate expression.

"Um, it means heartbreak." Pedro's voice sounded frail but he regained his cheerful spirit when Señora continued pressing her finger into my palm. "But she sees much love and life in your future, she says there are two children." He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Really?" I repeated, an octave higher than normal. "Two' children?" I pronounced the difference between our predictions.

Pedro was unaware of the worries weighing on my mind. "She says she's never erred in her life." He confirmed.

"Oh, that's reassuring." I protested, taking my palm back and bidding the wise old lady a polite thanks and extending goodbyes.

I squeezed her hand with both of mine and felt her gently tugging me back before I could let go. "Pase lo que pase, nunca te rindas con tus sueños." The old woman instructed me and I nodded, barely whispering a promise that I would never give up on my dreams.

"She has spoken." Pedro declared sternly to lighten up the mood, referencing a certain similarly wise Star Wars character he had gotten acquainted with. Not helping, I thought. We didn't match and everything would come back to heartbreak.

Slow steps took us down the path back to our hotel. "Palm readings don't tell anything that's written in stone." I crossed my arms stubbornly after we had walked back to the terrace.

"She didn't strictly say we're not compatible just that..." Pedro didn't know how to conjure up a different kind of interpretation. "We're both happy in our future. Nothing else matters."

"She clearly saw two different paths for us." I mourned, tried to explain my 'two meaningful relationships' and couldn't imagine I would ever love again if something severed our bond. It seemed extremely premature and downright scary, planning on starting a family and thinking about ever going through all of that before we even hit our one-month anniversary. I would count myself lucky if our careers allowed us to stay together. The idea of another heartbreak made me spiral. "Even if we were married and divorced one day, fair enough but not having the same number of children makes matters pretty clear," I evaluated, feeling overwhelmed until he gently pried my shoulders towards him and made me face him again.

"Hey, mi esposita-" he referenced Señora Martínez and cast a smile on my face. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna keep you on your toes unless 'you' show me out the door." He told me calmly and reassuringly, from the bottom of his heart. "Understood?" He added and caught my waist within his giant palms, raising his eyebrows encouragingly.

"Yeah." I grinned against his lips instead of kissing him. "You mean before or after I kicked you out because you had a child with someone else?" I pretended to be jealous of a hypothesis and snickered, bumping my shoulder into his arm once we'd continued our walk.

Pedro's jaw dropped. "Let's just promise to share custody, okay? I can't-" He babbled and succeeded to make me laugh. "And by the way, I'm pretty sure she meant that I've got one more kid than you because I have Grogu, my first." He joked and made me snort out loud.

"Ooh- that makes so much sense!" I exclaimed and we continued walking hand in hand, feeling at peace with where our path was taking us as our light conversation seemed to fade in the distance.

I felt Pedro drape the sheets further over my body. "This is the first time I have to let you go." His voice sounded so sad and I realised that perhaps it would never feel easier someday.

"Maybe the third man listens to one single note and he will send me on a plane back home immediately." I tried to console him, imagined Jack White frowning at my guitar plucking and just... leaving the room. My heart would shatter.

Pedro made a face like I couldn't get away with this utter nonsense. "No, you're gonna make all of them drop to the floor and worship you for your talent, you'll see." He promised me and traced his thumb over my cheekbone, seeming to feel conflicted about whether he wanted to look at me or kiss me. I pushed my face into his shoulder bashfully, which he chuckled about but also seemed to understand as a challenge. "Are you going to be good?" He asked sternly. A wide smile spread across my face at the fond but patronising tone.

"Yes." "Will you kick some ass?" I giggled when he raised my chin with his finger. "Yes." "That's my girl." Pedro tugged at my chin with a wink and I hoped the moisture in my eyes would not develop into tears. "The world needs more badass female guitar players, that's for sure."

A shallow sigh escaped my lips. "You really think so? I still don't even know what kind of musician I am."

"You're a rock star." Pedro encouraged me and his grin softened while he sought out his words. "Though... when you play your quiet folk songs, it's the definition of pin-drop music. You know, sometimes I think it's like some people carry the sun in their voices and some the moon. They differ in tone but not in beauty." He let his bloomy descriptions spill over, trailing soft patterns on my hip underneath the covers and pulling me closer while I hung to his every word. The pools of his dark eyes shone with admiration and his voice dropped impossibly deep. "I feel I could compare your voice to the soft glow of winter moonlight." His sweetness caused my heart swell and glow brightly. A sudden uncontrollable need made me kiss at every bit of skin I could reach and sample some of that sweetness he seemed to have been made of.

Pedro huffed in amusement at my reaction. I lowered my face into the junction of his neck, rolling my body into his and begging for the sexy part of our evening. "Heartbreaking. Beautiful." He managed to say before giving in and he pulled me with him, first to extinguish the bedside lamp on his side and then on mine after he had rolled on top of me.

I hummed, forgetting every bit of worry at his heartwarming happy chuckle. I breathed out as I opened my legs for him and framed his hips to pull his weight down on me. "You can say such nice things." I shuddered at the slight sting of his teeth biting into my skin and for the first time in months, I let him.

He worshipped me with hot, open-mouthed kisses, sucking at my skin from my neck to my jaw. "I had time to think about that description. I might have swooned over you to a couple of people." Pedro confessed with a smirk against my lips. I cooed and draped my arms around him, giving myself to him when he claimed my mouth in a searing hot kiss.

Tonight, I could sense a quiet kind of urgency beating inside his chest which I sought to remedy with a gentle touch to whichever body part of his seemed to need a reminder of my devotion. I could relate, for I felt his presence healing this tightening feeling inside my chest.

I begged him for the dark purple marks his mouth would leave on my body. Pedro sank his mouth down my jugular, wet heat closing around my skin and bruising it when I couldn't get enough evidence of where he could put his signature on my body. A reminder that I was his, even with them fading with time.

I buried myself in his arms and he stole the breath from my lungs, kissing me and making tender love to me. Pedro seemed starved to fill his fix and not less able to satiate, drawing out our entwined state of being for as long as his body could withhold the release.

In the calm of the afterglow, I closed my eyes in worship of his warmth and basked in the feeling of being so wanted in return. We felt more like the comforting heat of glowing ambers rather than the intensity of a fire burning strong and bright and it felt like something had to ring true about kindred spirits. I had found the most comfortable position right in his arms and gotten so sleepy that even my hand had stopped exploring his skin.

"Don't fall asleep," I whispered drowsily, looking towards him with heavy eyelids and realised he had them already closed. "M'not. Just... resting my eyes." He replied with a raspy voice and I sighed contently when I found him struggling to stay awake just as much. I let myself drift away when I was sure he had lost the battle against sleep first.

~~~

The clouds below looked like pale cotton candy while I tapped the end of my pencil against my bottom lip in the absence of my mind. I was scribbling away time on my flight to Tennessee, hoping the only reply wouldn't remain the echo of a memory. But just like always, Pedro gave me something I could dream about. At least nothing's complicated in solitude, I thought and wrote down the name of the song I had dedicated to him.

The Lighthouse And The Ocean

"You and me, in guidance and saviour or in reverse, my darling," I said to myself softly, missing the distant light in his eyes and the sparkle in their reflection whenever he watched me accomplish something and pride myself on it.

I drew waves and seagulls around the page as I imagined the melody of my guitar play paired with the harmonising sound of a cello. Mouthing the song to myself, I felt like I had written something truly meaningful.

I had managed to finish the new song during our first hours of separation and had written the final lines into a proper notebook. How sappy of me, a love confession at last. A perfect moment I could wait for a little while longer and look forward to until I could show his song to Pedro for the first time. It was written with so much love and yearning, for his absence was more than just noticeable.

His fragrance was deeply embedded in the highly huggable, striped hoodie I had stolen from him and when I pulled the knitted material to my nose, a picture found its way to the back of my eyes. A dimpled smile in front of a blue ocean, simply perfect and full of contentment. It distracted me from everything else, clinging to the fabric and smelling like what warmth felt like. A subtle dark scent, a cue for masculinity and protectiveness wrapped itself around me in a caring embrace. He had climbed into my heart and fixed himself there like a pin on a map, marked himself onto paper between my recorder and a flute of orange juice. No champagne... just in case.

An anxious feeling spread inside my chest and my hand redirected to rub at the pendant around my neck instead of travelling down my body. I didn't dare to cover my belly with my hand, out of fear that I'd start to sense some kind of connection I hadn't felt before. There had been too many people with cameras at the airport and I hadn't been able to buy a test then. I had been pushing the slight possibility of being pregnant to the back of my mind but it gnawed at my stress level the more I thought about the mere concept of having a baby.

What little else I could think of other than picturing Pedro with our child, happier than he ever was, raising it into the air with a laugh on both their faces before he kissed their chubby little cheek.

All of that and more... including putting everything on hold instead of grasping for the stars.

I hid behind my hand to mask my conflicting feelings about motherhood, both our skyrocketing careers and the fact that it was way too soon for either Pedro or me.

I thought about my mum. A new wave of sympathy shone on her memory. Despite everything, she had been the kindest and most gentle mother to me. Pedro would be the best father in the world, I was sure of that. I wasn't so sure whether I would be a good mother.

The world below just looked too wide and promising when we breached the clouds.

I walked out into the light, a cooling hum of North wind joining the scent of country and kerosine across the airfield. The air was no longer sweet and spicy. Still, I breathed long and thoroughly when I stepped out of the plane and let a chilly wind blow around my hair. Compared to the sunny warmth of Mexico, the midwest felt like negative degrees, yet the sudden shift of priorities was enough to brace me against the cold. On this bleak autumn day, I found there was an invincible summer within me and a clear path ahead.

I typed Pedro a message next, letting him know I landed and saw he'd tagged me on his Twitter. I grinned at the distraction of his recent Tweet, a picture of the consolation prank I had left on the pillow of his bed.

'My girlfriend thinks she's funny', it read and I retweeted the pineapple fruit that wore his aviators with a thick moustache I had nicked from the make-up team.

'Javier Piña'. I retweeted at him, giggling to myself at the possibly best way of how the announcement of our relationship could have gone.

I pulled out of the airport with my guitar case and the usual travel dirtbag look with the addition of Pedro's hoodie. This time, there were no cameras to capture my arrival as I walked toward the exits.

Halfway through the doors, I saw my agent waiting for me by the gate, grinning with her hands placed in her pockets. "There she is!" Olivia squeezed me after I had run into her arms to hug her. "On a scale from one to ten, how excited are you?"

"Eleven!" I felt sick in anticipation and showed her my shaking hands she failed to soothe. I admired her flawless, sharp blue eyeliner complimenting her high cheekbones and dark skin. "Where do we go? Is the band already there?"

"As well as the cellist you requested before your plane took off." Olivia chastised me with wide eyes, retrieving part of my luggage and walking towards the exit with me.

I had the decency to at least look guilty at the bold challenge I put her through on such short notice. "Sorry." I smiled up at her. "I just think my new song would benefit from-" "Well, long as you're happy. Guess where I found them." "The cellist?" "Playing in a New York subway station, today. Luckily, they immediately agreed to play with you and came with."

The spontaneity of this situation caused my eyes to widen dramatically. "You like picking up strays, huh?" I referred to the night we had met, when she had taken me under her wing, had literally picked a young and lost me up the floor of a hotel corridor. She both laughed and sighed as put her arm around me again, maybe also to subtly cover the hickey on my neck.

My so familiar gold and orange hues turned to blues and greys as tall and shiny buildings came into view. She steered us off the highway and away from the billboards that advertised lawyers or promoted... Christian slogans that promised that 'your baby is a blessing'.

"-because there's a big divide between substance and nonsense in pop culture these days." Liv talked on but I hadn't been listening at all. "They like to channel this substance, make it genre-less."

I returned the occasional non-verbal sound of attention.

"Welcome to the Gulch," Liv announced and I knew I should have said something. "You're awfully quiet." She noticed, glancing at me as I leaned my temple against the cool glass.

"Yeah," I commented, squirming in my seat and acting skittish at every bump in the road. "I just... hope I'll fit in. First time I don't know how to act because I don't have to play my part, you know?"

Olivia nodded. "Then be yourself." She replied pragmatically.

"Well, I appreciate the advice but..." I grinned a bit awkwardly, finally daring to do something about my uncertainty. If I was pregnant, I won't be able to do all the things I was currently dreaming of. No concerts, no backstage parties, just responsible adult things with a little human to care for. "Liv, can I ask you for a favour? Can we stop at the next pharmacy?" My face heated up in embarrassment.

"Yeah, are you alright?" "Of course, I swear I don't have a problem." I gave back, a little too harsh. I'd rather have her think I had. My inability to stay cool turned into an advantage and so, I acted nervous and pretended to have told an obvious lie.

Olivia shook her head. "I hope you have a prescription for that." "Don't need one." "Nini, there are healthier ways to cope with-" "I'm okay!"

"Alight, sorry... Jeez, what got your panties in a twist?" Olivia sceptically eyed my insulted pout. "I think there's a Walgreens down there, think you'll find what you need?"

I sighed at the prospect of a possibly crowded place. "Yeah, sure. That'll work." She stopped right in front of the store and I donned my sunglasses, treating her to a thin smile before I sprinted out of the car and ran in.

"Clearblue rapid detection... or First Response?" I panicked at the insanity of needing this 'family planning' section and figuring out their variety of products, always checking if anyone could be watching. I snatched a pregnancy test and a random other package to conceal my buy before anyone could see, keeping myself hidden behind my sunglasses and assumed the cashier didn't know who I was. Perhaps the funny look on her face was merely the result of my weirdly frozen smile as she scanned the test and pack of random vitamins and painkillers.

With the test hidden underneath Pedro's hoodie, I skipped back to the car and let out a huge breath of air as soon as I was back inside.

"That's it? Paracetamol and Vitamin D? You look like you've had plenty of sun." I ignored her, not caring how insane I acted and only getting rid of my sunglasses once we were one street ahead.

I was panicking internally to stack my pregnancy test away before mum could see. "I should have changed. I should have changed clothes before meeting bloody Jack White. I look like a slob." It was like I had been bitten by a rattlesnake before I climbed into the back, right between the seats. It was all part of the scheme. "Do you mind?" I was already behind the driver's seat, shimmying out of my baggy ripped jeans and Pedro's comfortable clothing.

Olivia kept her eyes on the road while I checked my suitcase for a pair of all-black jeans and a turtle neck that conveniently hid my hickeys. The jeans were halfway up my thighs when she slammed the brakes and I banged against her seat. The pregnancy test flew off my lap and underneath the driver's seat, sliding until it met Liv's feet. "Kut!"

"Watch the fucking road, asshole!" She yelled. "Fuck, sorry." Liv honked at the car in front of us again while I got a grip on myself and hopelessly tried to reach for it. "Wait, don't. It's just-" "Hold on, let me grab-" she pressed through her teeth and before I could protest, had bent down while waiting at the stoplight, to retrieve the test for me.

An awkward silence followed when Olivia checked the package. "Nini!" She suddenly turned around and I shrunk back into the seat. "What the hell is this? Oh, you think you're being sneaky again, huh? My g... are you-" Her eyes widened in horror like my baby was her worst fear.

"It's green!" I yelled back instead of properly answering, trying to get the test back before she could threaten to throw it at me. My voice shot up an octave as we fought for the test. "And no, I don't know! That's why I have to take a bloody test, for fuck's sake! Ow." She tossed the test back at me and it dodged my shoulder.

I could see her eyes through the rearview mirror flipping back and forth as I violently pulled my turtle neck over my head and sobbed childishly.

"No wonder why you're acting so weird," Olivia tutted at me and finally seemed to have gotten over the worst shock. "How late's your period?" She asked calmly as we drove into a bleak neighbourhood.

I sniffed, getting myself together. In all this muddle, there was a potential new life and how could I guarantee its wellbeing if its mother was acting like a petulant child herself? "Fuck." I laughed out loud, feeling simply overwhelmed. "About two weeks? I might have skipped it entirely, I don't know!" I admitted.

"Okay." Olivia processed slowly as she continued driving. "Let's not jump to early conclusions. Are you experiencing nausea?" "Not really." "Breasts feel tender?" "No?" "Girl, weren't you burned out about a week ago?" She asked, repeating how I had explained my holiday to her. "I was," I admitted.

She seemed visibly more soothed and it rubbed off on me. "Damn... oh, sweetheart. Take the test, okay? But don't freak out until then. You just might have been under a lot of stress."

I sighed at her lack of ability to take this seriously.

"Does Pedro know anything about your... scare?" She asked and I got overwhelmed by the thought alone. "No. I didn't have the time yet." I got more annoyed by the second. "Not sure if I should if it's a false alarm." I realised I was spiralling into old patterns before I even finished my sentence. Shit. There was my next level of progress. I had to tell him either way.

"Good." She helped me calm down. "Keep your head in the game, have the meeting with Jack and then pee on the stick tomorrow morning."

"Easy peasy." I gave back in a monotone. An incoming message distracted me and I was both hoping and fearing it was Pedro.

16:05 - 'Hey-, he had spelled my moniker with a music note, a bird and a heart emoji. 'Glad you're ok. Nervous? You got this, baby!!!

I typed a quick message back, promising I'd call him tonight and sent at least a dozen hearts in response to his selfie with him making a kissy face at the camera.

"Oh, god he's so adorable." I whined to myself and sighed. "He's such a sweetheart, I know he'd be such a great dad. Liv, I'm gonna be honest, I love Pedro but I'm not ready for a baby, not now." I had finally admitted, closing my burning eyes and praying I could deal with this situation in case I really was pregnant with his child and the sheer impossible, outrageous idea of getting rid of it.

"Poor thing." She commented and then changed her attitude with a fond look on her face. "Love, huh?" She repeated and I nodded, smiling again.

Olivia tapped her ringed fingers onto the steering wheel along with the sounds of a Stax classic... that ironically used the word 'baby' way too many times. "You're both gonna fine, you'll figure it out, hm? Breathe."

I hadn't even realised we had stopped but we waited, patiently, while I breathed and calmed myself. The dark warehouse outside seemed modest enough to conceal an entire music empire.

Maybe it was due to the countless times in my life when I had needed to pull myself together, but I knew that acting professional was more important than my current problems. "I'm ready." I decided after a while and blew a strand of my hopelessly wild hair from my face.

Though I missed the warmth Pedro's hoodie had provided, the reason why I shivered was due to my utter restlessness. The excitement was still very real and rooted in the very deep personal connection I felt towards the artist within.

Liv led me and my guitar case off the grey street and towards the low building before we finally stood before its entrance. Bold letters below a static Tesla coil inflamed the black walls. Third Man Records headquarters, the birthplace of the vinyl record Renaissance.

"Hey." She grabbed my shoulders, searching for eye contact for the stern pep talk she gave me. "You got this. You're gonna go in there and show them what it is that you want in life, woman. Focus."

"Focus," I repeated after her, letting out a huge breath through hollow cheeks and looking up towards the door. "Hoo boy." I swallowed at the sudden notion that my dreams might come true here. If they liked me. If they liked my music... which nobody heard aside from my perhaps very biased partner. Fuck, that suddenly added a lot of pressure.

"Anything I should be aware of, beware of maybe?" I asked, sorting out my priorities and hyping myself up with the notion of making a good first impression on my music idol.

"No, they're all so cool here, it's ridiculous." Liv stopped. "Wait, there's one thing." She hesitated, foot stuck between the door as her eyes narrowed. "Don't mention the Black Keys."

I gaped like a fish. "Who?" I pretended to not know the band and provoked a rare full smile from her. "Exactly."

"Wow." I held my breath as soon as I stepped inside. I didn't know where to look and didn't know what else to do but to move around and exclaim a 'woah' in front of every exhibited bit of unique analogue machinery. It wasn't just a record store, it was a pilgrim sight for true music junkies.

The sound of an electric blues guitar rang through the novelty lounge, reflecting off the yellow and black walls. From the corner of my eye, I registered Olivia walking ahead further into the building. "I hear, Jack's waiting for you in the blue room. Ready to meet the Rock'n roll wizard?"

My fingers stopped dancing over the racks of released vinyl issues. "Wait, that's him playing?"

We walked across the high-gloss floor past the fascinating knick-knacks, into the venue. A distortion pedal overloaded the signal and made the guitar sound rude. Liv stepped aside so I could join.

A few people were sound checking together, busy jamming in a blue bar with a giant elephant head and Persian rugs covering a blue floor. Cables and wires were splayed out everywhere around instruments that connected to amplifiers, mics and more pedals.

Jamming with a diverse group of people, he had his back half turned, facing the other musicians and bopping his head to the rhythm. The source of a wicked guitar play was rooted in the steady thrum of his fingers on the neck of his electric. Jack laughed at a particularly odd and mellow sound the pedal caused and which a badass-looking female drummer hesitated to address.

Jack dressed like a Tim Burton character who wore a pinstripe suit and hair that was a rich artificial bubblegum blue. His skin was white as a ghost and his mephistophelian eyebrows were drawn together in concentration, eyes closed as he was lost in figuring out the new sound. Skilled and unmistakably his, was what I would have called his play.

I would have been content with listening for ages until Jack looked up from his guitar and spotted me in my corner of the room.

"Oh, my Lord." He mumbled amused and caused all heads to turn towards me. He put away the guitar and stood at full height, which was taller than I had expected even after he had gotten off the stage. At first sight, he was a good-looking man, a little scary or perhaps, I was just battling my nerves. He had a wicked glint in his eyes and a placid smile that confidently supported his bad boy appearance. "Nini, welcome to Third Man." He quickly offered me a hand and pressed it with a calloused palm. His smile was sympathetic and his handshake sturdy enough to make me feel taken seriously and not like a fragile little flower some newly acquainted men decided was the proper way to greet me.

Before I could even respond, he checked out my guitar case. "Is that a Takamine?" He pointed at my instrument, reading the label.

I gulped. Be cool, I told myself against all instinct to freak out. If these guys were supposed to be the epitome of chill, so could I. "A nineteen-eighty-eight limited edition. Half acoustic." I replied proudly, still star-struck.

"Nice sound that one, can't wait to hear it."

"I'm afraid I need new strings though." I gave back, humbled. "It's-" I gathered my courage. "Amazing to meet you, Jack. This place is beautiful." I knew my eyes were sparkling when I finally thawed under his friendly words of 'thank you's. "My, I think I was a little girl last time I saw you at a White Stripes concert in Amsterdam."

He and also everyone else smiled at my admission. "No kidding." Jack kindly didn't freak out at my fangirlish approach. "Wait, Nini van Fleet was at my gig as a kid?" He turned towards the group of strange musicians who chuckled at our interaction.

"I was about ten meters away from the stage, it was incredible." "Wait, when was that?"

I remembered it like it was yesterday. "2005, Heineken Music Hall. You and Meg got out there, you started playing 'Black Math' on your iconic red airline guitar and just blew my mind." I laughed at the memory of that wild adventure. "Literally the day my life changed forever," I told him with shining eyes and it might have sounded like a blatant exaggeration but if it hadn't been for the White Stripes, I'd have never run away from home. My life would have looked a whole lot different.

Jack picked up a cigarillo that had been smoking abandoned in an ashtray. "Well, happy to see you back around. Hold on, meet the people you'll be playing with." He led me towards a group of people I immediately vibed with even before we all got introduced. Bass, drum, second guitar and keyboard, including a very sweet and somewhat shy cellist who wore second-hand clothes and thick, askew dreadlocks and couldn't quite believe they were here.

"And now you want to show your talents to the world?" Jack put his hands on his hips. "Heard great things about you." I was pleasantly surprised by his softness even though he seemed to constantly scowl at the world.

"I can only hope to live up to whoever boasted." I joked with a sideglance towards Olivia. "Yeah. I learnt these days how much I want to be valued for what I say and what I do, not be sold as an object on screen, you know."

"It's common to confuse the actor with their character." He agreed, crushing his cigarillo. "The perfect Hollywood sweetheart?" A shaggy blond guy named Ben suggested with a disapproving yet sympathetic side glance. I quickly got the notion. The spirit of the analogue: yea, Netflix and invisible consumption: boo.

I stuttered awkwardly. "Maybe this career change is good for me. I've got more to give." I compromised.

"So, your music is something you seriously consider pursuing." Jack narrowed his eyes when it took me a while to search for words. "It's unusual for us to promote an artist who's already famous, normally we favour newcomer artists."

I couldn't stop my heart from sinking to the floor and I swallowed thickly. "I get it. I would be hesitant too about giving a possibly delusional and mediocre and entitled Hollywood brat a platform." I played it off but then, felt all of my suppressed anger for the movie industry pour into my rant before anyone could interrupt my assumption. All my career, I'd been patronised, spoken down to. I had sometimes been the only woman on set, often for the accessory of the film, sexualised from a very early age. They called me an overprivileged actress because I hadn't been my own spokesperson in productions made by throbbing misogynists.

"I'm tired of being a prop, Jack," I explained, briefly looking back at Olivia and receiving support from her by a simple, yet encouraging nod. "I love acting. Acting is my life but I've never stood for something authentically me. This... my songs... this is me and I'm tired of the public dictating my image. I have so much more to give, and so much more to learn. I spent the majority of my life trying to appeal to people who don't even care about a single word that comes out of my mouth." I laughed ironically but Jack listened, taking my passion seriously. "I'm done with being acceptable to people I don't even like. Doing this will keep me from resenting myself and hopefully inspire people to be more than what society expects of women." I raised my chin at the guitar hero in challenge. "Especially in a male-dominated field."

Standing before me with crossed arms, his face remained unreadable for a second. "I like you." Jack eventually said with a relaxed, little smirk and a sigh of relief got stuck in my lungs. "Tell you what we're gonna do." He went back on a serious note, proving what a great boss he was by saying exactly what it was he wanted. "You've got a great band here... and time to create your songs before you're gonna record the blue issue single directly onto acetate. A shoot in the blue room, pressing and release-"

"Wait, directly?" I repeated, aghast, not moving past that little detail.

He smirked. "Yeah, any mistakes make the best part of the song. You know, let's just have a great journey, we're not story driven but if the record is good, who cares? Don't worry about the perfection of the songs, anyone who complains about it didn't really get the point."

Olivia was right. They were cool. Too cool, even to bother when the pitchforks of this biased industry would try to come for me.

"So, no pressure, just don't think about things that could ruin it," Liv added and regarded my pale face with a meaningful side glance.

"Think the music world is ready for what you have to contribute?" Jack frowned and awaited my answer.

I stood my ground and balled my hands into fists. "Yeah," I confirmed.

"Good, let's give you the tour." Jack carried himself with such swagger, I forgot to follow him for a second while he had already resumed talking back in the novelty lounge. "We'll do a couple of hundred limited edition design records back in Detroit and a big run of black vinyl for mass market," Jack explained, all business. "Bigger name artists are selling more vinyl than they have in thirty years. We love doing gimmick albums but we don't throw all of our tricks into the sink. Excuse my French-" he had turned to lead the way. "-but we're not trying to fuck a doughnut, you know."

I leaned over to Olivia as we followed. "What does he mean?" I whispered but she shrugged her shoulders.

The surreal uniqueness of this place surpassed my entire imagination and I marvelled at this music video thing called a scopitome. It felt like I had gotten a golden ticket to a chocolate factory and curiosity fare but for music nerds. "You're Willy Wonka," I exclaimed during our tour.

Just like that, it seemed the ice was broken. "It's been already fun meeting you, so far." He glanced back over his shoulder and we shared a quick laugh, which he ended with a shake of his head.

Ben lead us to a large booth. "And this-" he got my attention back from a diorama of a little puppet monkey band. "-is the voice-o-graph, nineteen-forties vending machine. The only one still in use apart from its twin down up in Detroit." The co-founder introduced a narrow and very old cabin that had more features in common with a telephone box rather than anything to do with music.

"Amazing!" I said, staring like an idiot. "What does it do?"

Jack stepped in, showing me a clear, six-inch plastic record, twirling it between his fingers. "It records one of these plastic records that fit two and a half minutes of music. It cuts your record and fends it out to you."

"That's bloody brilliant!" I cursed around, exhilarated. An idea struck me. My chuckle sounded dim in the very limited space of this booth. "I can barely fit a guitar in here." I calculated, eying the analogue technology of the recording system. "But I wanna try though, if I may?"

"Show us what you've got." Jack said and I grinned at the very 'hands-on' approach. I ran back to retrieve my instrument and tuned my guitar on my way back to them.

It only cost a couple of dollars to feed the booth. "It's... my choice of song for the B side with only guitar and cello. I just realised the first time I ever play it would be the perfect gift for the person I wrote it for. My-" I hesitated, not wanting to seem like every song I had written was about a lover. Pedro and I hadn't been dating for very long. I knew Pedro was the one but they didn't know that. "My boyfriend," I admitted anyway, shyly.

"Sure, go ahead." They let me in and shut the door behind me. I couldn't move around much. "Tight squeeze. Glad I'm not claustrophobic!" I yelled and heard them snicker. I stepped towards the mic, noticing this was my first-time experience recording one of my own songs in front of other people, or anyone who wasn't Pedro, for that matter.

"Oh, this is all terribly exciting!" The lights told me to prepare myself, machinery whirred and I watched all kinds of things happening in here. The red light alerted the start of the recording, the countdown started and I decided to jump into cold unknown waters by closing my eyes and letting the world cease to exist for a moment. This was for him.

"Hello, Pedro," I spoke into the mic after the recording had started spinning. "This is for you, just a reminder of how much I love you, angel."

I began with a calming, yet complex tune that was only dimmed by the use of a deeper and richer sounding drop of the E-snare to D. Softly, my voice smoothed over every syllable. My eyes remained fixed shut so I could feel every ounce of the words I sang, with every fibre of my being.

This one would show Pedro how great my love is. My love language was to sing his praise and dedicate my music to him because he deserved it. That's how it was. Good people do good things, and good people deserved to become a song. Seconds left until the record would end, I only played the echo of my jagged melody.

Once the record was complete, the booth played it for me and I listened with the door open, so Jack and the others could hear it too.

The audio quality did some real crimping and I had cut several chorus parts short but it had a forties nostalgic charm to it that put a smile on everyone's face, including my cellist who listened attentively and mimed the play of their instrument along with the melody.

I wiped a tear from my eye when I exited the booth and breathed, smiling happily at the band who seemed touched by the sweetness of the song. I circled my now pressed record in my hand. "I didn't know how else to say it," I commented on its sentimental message and sealed Pedro's song into a cover, ready to be sent by post.

Jack smiled, understanding passing through us when his voice thawed. "How, if not in music?"

Looking into the faces of my company, I had struck a chord within them. "It's beautiful," he said in a serious tone. "You're really... really fucking good. Hold on." Jack stepped closer and feeling intimidated, I hugged my guitar a little tighter. "Do you have more of these?"

"Yes?" I stuttered. "Tons."

He turned towards Ben and mouthed a 'wow' at him, causing me to blush furiously.

It was like I could see the determination turning a switch inside his head. "Play with me." He challenged me, holding my gaze. "Tomorrow night. The venue is open, we'll do something together."

I gaped like a fish and if I hadn't been so eager, I might have cried. I gasped. "Oh, sweet! Fuck, yes!" I didn't know how to vent my excitement about this development.

A wide grin spread across my entire face and played it cool last second by bumping my fist into his shoulder and making everyone around feel the celebration of the start of something new.

~

Part 22

Translation notes:

(sp): Eres un alma gentil, sí - (eng): You are a kind soul, yes

(sp): Veo buen fortuna en tu vida con tu esposita. - (eng): I see good fortune in your life with your little wife.

(sp): Mira- la linea de los niños. Uno, dos, tres niños. - (eng): Look- the line of children. One, two, three children.

(sp): No, lo siento. Por favor esto debe ser un error - (eng): No, I'm sorry. Please, this must be a mistake.

(sp): Pase lo que pase, nunca te rindas con tus sueños - (eng): No matter what happens, never give up on your dreams.

(sp): Javier Piña - (eng): - Javier Pineapple

(dut): Kut! - (eng): cunt ("fuck!")

[itzymidzy]

240522 twitter: itzyofficial

🦊: Ryeongchae in Osaka! Anyone have questions?

🦊: Do well in today’s performance, I’ll see you later 💕

👤: I hope you enjoy your last concert in Japan! You're doing amazing. Love you Chaeryeong 🍒

🦊: okey~

👤: Did you go to a convenience store? What is the cause of the flight?

🦊: Of course

👤: Thank you for being itzy!! Your presence makes me happy 🤍 I love you so much Ryon-chan.

🦊: You make me happy

👤: A photo of Jjaryong eating rice

🦊: Someone secretly filmed it 🫣

👤: Chaeryeong, this is a bowl I made myself! I drew it all! Although it’s a bit ugly ㅋㅋㅋ

🦊: Wow

👤: I'm not going to work. I miss Chaeryeong.

🦊: You have to work to come see me... 🥹

👤: Ryeong-a~ Tdakkajo 😚😚

🦊: First base and very just

👤: Fight today and don't get hurt. The stage is crashing!!! I'll watch it live at home like this

🦊: Let’s do it 🥰

👤: Chaeryeong, are you doing more dance challenges? 🫣 Will my nose bleed? 🙈 I’m so excited to film more dance challenges, I love you 🤍

🦊: Wait a moment~

👤: You said it was your sister and then disappeared, breaking my heart...

🦊: Soori..

👤: love you...

🦊: love u 22

👤: Chaeryeong, cheer up today and have a good day.

. 🌺🌺 🌺🌺

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Λ 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

( ˘ ᵕ ˘ 🌺🌺🌺

ヽ つ＼ ／

UU/ 🎀 \

🦊: Oh my we are pretty

👤: Chaeryeong, please recommend a song to listen to while thinking.

🦊: The potatoes are not dry....

👤: Meet at the concert hall 🥰

🦊: GRAIN

👤: Which stage in particular would you like to focus on today?

🦊: From beginning to end 🙂‍↔️

👤: Our spirit is so soft 💟

🦊: I also believe in it.

👤: Baby ~~ Fighting today too!! 💪🏻

🦊: Thank you Jagii

👤: What is your favorite ITZY Japanese song? 😻

🦊: Everything is good... Ringo??

👤: Chaeryeong.. Will I be able to see your amazing abs today too..??

🦊: It's gone..... 🥹

👤: What kind of hair did you do today? I'm looking forward to it

🦊: It’s a secret 💕

👤: Chaeryeong, why are you so lovely?

🦊: Me...?? 🙈

👤: Today’s late night snack recommendation!

🦊: How about Takoyaki?

👤: Do you like being called Chaeryeong 🥹

🦊: Of course

👤: Cheers today too! Who is Chaeryeong's favorite? 💖

🦊: Arigatoo 💕

👤: I’m now on a trip to Korea! Is there any rice or snacks you would recommend? 🤔

🦊: Korean food is really delicious, and the ice cream is also the best.

👤: What are Chaeryeong going to do today? 🤍

🦊: I’m going to perform~

👤: What was the most delicious food you had in Osaka? Hello! Do you know what to do in Osaka?

🦊: Dango!!

[sims-inmymouth]

Delilah Five - Ep. Five

Jan 16, 20XX

My friends were able to cheer me up, but only a bit. It’s natural, I think. These things take time—that’s what Hossannah told me. When I first woke up, I went downstairs and went to eat breakfast. Hossannah was downstairs and led me outside to talk.

I told Hossannah what happened. She sat and she listened to everything I’ve had to say. She’s killed zombies before, but never before when they were a person first. I worded that poorly. When she SAW they were a person first. She seemed a bit twitchy, I hope I didn’t upset her with my story…

I needed to milk the cows and clean out their pens. Hosannah offered to do it for me, but I said I wanted to do it on my own. A mistake if you ask me--Gilead spooked and knocked the milk EVERYWHERE. I was soaking and smelled like sour milk. I gave the bottles I could scrounge up (six) to Hossannah to pasteurize while I showered.

I spent most of the afternoon tucked away in the fruit trees. Theodora told me a while ago that snow was bound to come soon, and the fruit would die with it. I thought of picking fruit but decided against it. I grabbed a few apples for myself, ate in the branches, and that was it.

I still don't know how to feel about the zombie situation. It makes me sick to think about, but it was either them or me. I wonder how Tamah feels about killing zombies. She's still away scavenging supplies as I write this. I hope she's safe.

Hossannah made roast chicken for dinner. We don't have chickens anymore, so I didn't know where the meat came from. I guess she must've gone off farm grounds and killed a wild one. She also baked cookies. As we ate, I started to notice that Theodora hadn't been here in a while. All day, in fact. She really likes cookies (REALLY likes cookies. Once, she fought Tamah over the last one, and it ended in minor bloodshed), so I was surprised to see her gone. It was another hour before she had shown up. She looked really smiley, and so did Hossannah.

They gave me gifts. Gifts! The first presents I've gotten since the whole apocalypse started. (Well, besides the home and shelter and food. You know what I mean). Hossannah gave me a set of markers! I didn't even know they still made those! Well, that's misleading, they aren't new at all. Hossannah told me they were hers and she used them to mark up her Bible, but she didn't need it anymore since the book was all marked up. I never took her for religious, but I guess the apocalypse does things to people. I've got a whole bunch of new colors, lemme try. We've got PINK and RED and BLUE and a couple nice GREENS. All I use to write these entries is a shitty black crayon. These entries are about to get a lot nicer!

Theodora gave me a small blue radio and an explanation for her absence; she spent all day fixing up the radio for me. It's got the weather/zombie station, a few radio stations from way far away, and best of all. There's a troupe of performers and actors super far away from here, and they record their performances and put them through the radio. The lines are crackly and give out a lot, but just being able to listen to something like that feels amazing. I tuned in and they were playing A Streetcar Named Desire. Never heard of it before, but I liked it!

I ended the evening stargazing with Theo and Hossannah by my side. I think that was my favorite part of the day. I felt a lot better with them by my side. Things will get better, I think. I hope.

I drew myself with the new markers! I think it looks great, doesn't it?

Yours,

Ruth Givens

[sleepyivoryrose]

creative break is over!

yeah...sometimes I don’t have any energy to work on creative stuff...but now I’m back baby! And I got soo many ideas for videogames! Sadly, I’m bad at programming. But hey, nothing a good tutorial can’t fix, right? With...exceptions - looking suspiciously at Blender - 

Seriously, it’s so difficult to get into that...I tried doing step by step what the tutorial said and it still somehow didn’t work...anyways, I’ll try my luck with 2D Unity! Maybe, if I can get better at hand-drawn animations, I won’t need a 3D tool!

One of the ideas is a .hack//- pokemon crossover game in the style of Gold and Silver. With Pokemon Essentials, because I can’t mod a romhack to save my life. I think the trainer sprites will be the most difficult to create, since i am not used to pixel such small pictures with so little detail...the map itself could prove a challenge, because I have to resize the tiles small and then big again. 

________

To change the subject, I watched again a Let’s Play from 13 Sentinels and GOD I LOVE HIJIYAMA x OKINO QAQ They’re so cute together, I just can’t! fhsdiofhd

So I tried also drawing Hijiyama from 2188, but it proves more difficult than I thought. I just don’t have good observation skills, and I’m not sure if you can learn that...I drew him six or seven times, but I guess that’s not enough. I won’t give up though. On the fun side, I created a Hijiyama Chibi that looks like a muppet which I thought looked weird. In a good way. 

He’s so fun to lampshade. 

________

On the other hand, I got the feeling I am very mopy these last months. A real downer. Which isn’t good, because my close friend is also very sad and I don’t want to burden her with my own sadness, yknow? I should be cheering her up! But I suppose sometimes you can’t just up and decide how you want to feel today. I want to snap out of it so badly though. It doesn’t help me in any way to be down in the dumps, and it doesn’t help others either. It’s just stupid. 

My therapist claims though that it’s important to feel your feelings, no matter how bad they are, because else you train your body to feel nothing which leads to emotional outbursts, which sucks even more. I can’t win, huh?

__________

Oh! I started to watch Oshi no Ko, even though I told myself I wouldn’t, because of its dark themes. I mean, I was spoiled, so it wasn’t as bad as going in completely blind, but the first episodes ending was still a tearjerker. What can I say? I can’t resist a colorful premise. It doesn’t help that one of the protagonists is really cute too. It’s Madoka Magica all over again. 

_________

I gotta go now though. Nothing necessarily special happened while I was gone, I just bingewatched 13 Sentinels and drowned a little bit in feels. I don’t want to sound creepy, but, that’s why I love fiction. Because it makes you feel things. My reality doesn’t quite manage that. Maybe I just got too high standards. Maybe Oshi no Ko is right, and love is made out of lies. Who knows. 

__________

Anyways, taking off! 

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Fifty-Nine: Queen of Wands (Reversed)

Charm appertains to the essence of the person or thing endowed with it. It cannot be acquired, it cannot be got rid of, and its results are produced without effort, since the person who has it cannot help producing them. -Alfred Austin, The Garden That I Love: Second Series

As I embark on the last twenty cards of my journey, I see cards that I have trepidation towards, and others that have a somewhat friendly aura. Green pastures are before me, some of which I've yet not seen, to paraphrase Anna Waring (I'm probably going back to that poem when The Tower reveals its edifice, come to think of it). The Queen of Wands, in her splendid, sunny disposition was one of the cards I was looking forward to covering, but as I come before her throne, I find that I'm not as learned about her as I first thought I was.

Once upon a time, when I was taking my first baby steps with the Tarot, a housemate invited a friend over. She was loud. She was vivacious. She was incredibly energetic. I retreated to my room, probably because I had an early shift the next day, but I could still hear her laughter up the stairs and through the walls. Her presence took over the house while she was in it. I drew this card — I forget if it was Upright or Reversed. I wanted to dismiss it, not necessarily out of assigning it to luck but out of unimportance. In the clarity of later hindsight, though, I realised I was being taught a lesson about the cards. They know. And now, the Queen of Wands is my catchphrase for certain types of people.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think of it as a negative correlation, even if the initial meeting left me singed. To explain what I mean, I turn to Thirteen's analysis of the Court at large, and to that the Queen of Wands is assigned the "Water of Fire". If the King is the motivation and the fire in the hearth, then the Queen is the development of those energies: the steam to get the machine running. To add Bunning's clarity to this, these are people who are "attractive", "wholehearted", "energetic", "cheerful" and "self-assured". These are the sorts of people I love to have in my life, even if just to be around — and that is an apt describer of their personality, as the sun to which the planets revolve. I know a number of artsy types, especially women, who are the central scaffold of a group of friends and admirers; that admiration from me also comes in the way that they act as a point of gravity for everyone else to follow, the social glue of the group. While they are not the Tiggers of the world, and everybody should at least have a Tigger in their life, they are the mature, tempered version. They have tempered their restlessness into pursuit of passion. They are both the main character and the director of their life-movie. They are the beacon for activism, the harbingers of change, the ones who truly inspire others with a heavy dose of cheerful optimism. While the warmth of their sun may occasionally burn moths that stray too close to the flame, and they may wrest control of the spotlight, these are the people to whom I am drawn for their sheer passionate energy and confidence, and find myself following in their drive to make their world a better place. To draw from Thirteen, they get things done, and get them done well (a bit of a correlation with the Eight of Pentacles just gone, actually).

I love Queen of Wands people, so long as I don't find myself at the end of a flamethrower. Like all of her Queen interpretations, Bunning's call for inspiration is for that relating to the energies that such a person would have. Thirteen's very succinct, perhaps too much so, in regards to what that energy may mean, but he says it could be in the form of realising a career, developing a trip or creating a movement. Fairchild espouses strong self-confidence, taking the lead, using one's social network to gain answers; but then he wanders off into punctuality, making forms of communication with others, and even that "dealings with authority figures go well". I can see another Eight of Pentacles correlation here, and I want these sorts of things to go more under that umbrella than this one; perhaps this is a different but still valid interpretation that I'm discounting.

Paschkis's depiction of the card, is very heavily based on that of Smith's: she's still holding the Wand and the sunflower, but her dress is covered in floral patterns, and there's a candle, offset beside her. That candle, now that I consider it, is an element that I had completely overlooked until Brigit pointed it out, especially since it's not in Paschkis, and it's that Smith drew the Queen of Wands (who was an actress, apparently) with a black cat. That is supposed to represent control over the "shadow-self", and she gives the advice of opening up about those things that are normally hidden away. Paschkis's candle is, to me, like that black cat: about showing those hidden elements, those personal passion projects, secret hidden past-lives; apparently, deeper connections are formed as a result of doing so, and possibly also form the impetus of future drive of the Queen's solar system.

So all's well and good in the Queen's queendom Upright. But Reversed, she's a Queen Bee. Here is the hivemother, and should you cross her path, she will sting you as will all of her "children". Thirteen says she's so self-assured that she won't take other's opinions, and insists on having things done her way. Fairchild warns to "bet only what you can afford to lose". As I stand with this card in hand, I don't see these energies as valid right now, although it could be a warning. No, I see this more in Thirteen's more minor interpretations, and that is of a lack of energy. I feel I have been constantly tired, both due to work and not being able to sleep well; so much so in regards to the latter that I'm starting to feel a little distressed.

And here I would have ended my analysis in the past and dropped into a funk, but thank God for Brigit. Her Reversal interpretations of this card are very soft. Indeed, she points out a period of greater introversion and calls to honour that feeling rather than putting energy into being "out there". I've been feeling that with work a lot, as I've had a bit of a drop in confidence as of late. Even that bit Brigit has some balm for, identifying that and saying that it's a time of rebuilding one's sense of self and resilience, something that I have been working on (though not diligently, as pointed out by the Eight of Pentacles). Fairchild seems to support this, adding on to his tonic with guarding against unrealistic thinking (something I'm working on) and to dream realistically. Brigit's advice to listen to myself, discover who I am, what my strengths and talents are and to express myself with courage is exactly what I need to hear, what I know I need to do.

With this guidance under my belt, I feel like I will be on the right path to being a better me. This is not the visit to the Queen of Wands that I was expecting, but one that I am grateful to have done. I cannot linger before her throne any longer, though, despite the warmth I feel here like I did with the Page and King, or I will never finish my journey. So, with the Court of Wands complete, and feeling a great deal of positive energy from its figures, I move on to another court figure: the King of Swords. But he, too, is Reversed. Even though I have met him before, it was so long ago that he feels fresh, almost biting upon me, just like his namesake suit.

[oddaodd]

· Idyllic Announcements In The Wake of Epsom ·

Request: By a lovely anon, “hi! can you do a fic where the reader is tommy’s wife and was at the derby with him (end of season 2), and after he disappeared she freaked out and made everyone look for him and stuff, until the other shelbys finally convinced her to go home, and when Tommy finally comes back they’re both just holding each other and crying, and she tells him she’s pregnant?”

Author’s note: I absolutely adored writing this, you know I love angst, so thanks for this lovely request and as always, I wish you all a lovely day.

Warnings: Season 2 SPOILERS, mentions of death, pregnancy and violence

·

Even though it was an idyllic day at Epsom; Y/n couldn’t shake off the nasty feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong. Maybe it was just the nerves of an unannounced announcement she had been planning to surprise Tommy with, as well as his reaction to it.

Or maybe it was how easily the plan Tommy had told her about could be jeopardized. The plan that involved Lizzie luring a high ranking officer so that Tommy could kill him, a high ranking officer whose death would distract the police while Arthur, some blinders and the Lees ambushed Sabini’s men with the intentions of getting rid of their gambling licenses.

When Tommy first told y/n about it, he intended for her to wait at home, out of harm’s way, but Y/n immediately refused and Tommy had no choice but to bring her along because he knew very well that Y/n would go regardless if he denied taking her.

Y/n hadn’t noticed how deep in thought she was Tommy took hold of her hand bringing her back to earth.

“The race is about to start” he spoke looking into her tumultuous eyes.

Y/n gave him a small nod and squeezed his hand knowing that that meant the plan was about to be put into motion. Tommy could see her worry and gently cupped her face.

“Ey, it’s going to be alright” he promised even though he wasn’t completely certain.

Y/n then gave him a soft smile and pressed her lips to his in a soft sweet kiss before telling him to be careful and after that Tommy began walking away. The nasty feeling Y/n was feeling intensified significantly making her wonder if she should just yell out her announcement from him to hear before it was too late, but she stopped when he disappeared between the mass of pretty dresses and posh suits. The announcement would probably distract him from the plan.

She went and took her seat to watch the race hoping that it would distract her from her worries, but even after the horses began racing, the race proved to be a futile attempt of a distraction from her worries. She was holding her breath for the most part of it and when it ended she hastily got up and headed towards the table where John, Arthur, Lizzie and Tommy accorded to meet after the race.

When she got there her stomach dropped, John Arthur and some Blinders cheering happily over Sabini’s burnt license, and a bloodshot eyed Lizzie, drinking some champagne in a torn dress were there , but no sign of Y/N’s husband.

“Have you seen Tommy?” she worriedly asked Arthur, upset by the sight of the state of Lizzie.

Y/n had voiced her concerns over using Lizzie as bait and Tommy promised he would get to her before anything happened, but evidently, that part hadn’t gone according to plan. What else had gone wrong?

“No, but don’t worry, love. He’ll be here” there was a blurriness to his tone that prevented him of any worries.

As the minutes passed by and Tommy still didn’t show up Y/n managed to convince everyone to look for him but even with everyone looking for him, he was nowhere to be found. Some excruciatingly long hours after, Y/n was frantic, tears spilling down her cheeks as the sun began to set.

“you should get home” spoke up John after a while.

“I can’t” she breathed devastated.

“We’ll keep looking, I promise” he said honestly “Come on, I’ll drive you”

The drive was just as excruciating as the time spent looking for Tommy. Y/n couldn’t stop thinking dreadful things as her hands rested over her stomach. What if he was lying dead somewhere, never getting to listen to her announcement. She could already see herself attending a funeral in tears.

She was taken out of her thoughts when the car finally pulled up in front of the house she shared with Tommy. She stepped out and begged John to please call her if he heard anything to which John agreed to with an apologetic smile.

Inside the house, Y/n made her way upstairs not even stopping to remove her coat and shoes, a childish hope that he would be waiting in their room fueling her actions. But when she stepped into the unsurprisingly empty room she deflated and drew a chair to the nearby window waiting for him as she tried to calm herself down reassuring herself that tommy wasn’t an easy to kill man.

It seemed like forever until a blurry shadow came into view at the end of the street. Y/n squinted her eyes trying to make out her husband’s figure and as the shadow walked closer and closer, Y/n felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders. It was him.

She rushed down the stairs just in time as she heard the sound of the door opening and closing ring through the thin walls of the Small Heath house.

When she saw him standing there in their receiver she wasted no time for hellos or worried inquiries about where the hell he had been. She just engulfed him in the tightest hug possible. A hug which he reciprocated immediately and lasted a few intense minutes.

“Are you alright?” she asked with teary eyes as she parted from him just enough to get a glimpse of his face. He sported an exhausted expression and some blood splattered across his cheek.

“What happened?” she sniffed trying to wipe the blood away.

“I’m fine” he spoke in a raspy voice that was only uttered when he cried “its not mine, love” he gently stopped her hand from wiping at his face. “I’m fine”

“what happened?”

“It doesn’t matter , everything is going to be alright now” he said pulling her close to him again, needing to feel her against him after the exhausting emotions he had experienced during the day.

“I was so worried” she confessed tearily against his chest “I was already dreading how awfully lonely life was going to be without you and ... and I couldn’t stop beating myself for not telling you before. Oh I couldn’t bare it, Tommy.”

“Tell me what?” he asked pulling away wiping away some of her tears.

“I was going to tell you after the Derby” she sniffed a bit calmer.

“Tell me what?” he asked again

“I’m pregnant” she smiled weakly, taking his hand in hers and placing it over her still flat belly. Another tear rolled down her cheek when his thumb began rubbing against the fabric of her dress

“Are you sure? “he asked in soft disbelief a weak smile tugging at his lips.

“Polly confirmed in in my leaves” she said, focusing her attention on Tommy’s loving stare.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I don’t know I wanted to wait for the perfect time, and even though this is far from perfect, I couldn’t wait anymore” she explained.

“Fucking hell, Y/n” he breathed contentedly before cupping her face and kissing her. Y/n smiled against his lips and allowed herself to melt against him.

“we should call your brothers to let them know you are alright” she spoke softly against his lips.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz @slytherinicequeen @lilymurphy03

[hockeyisit]

Auston and Amelia, maybe one where all the guys mock Auston because he is alway clingy to and talking of Amelia. Maybe different scenarios one where they are on the road, or in bars or in games, thanks!

A.N. HI!! SO this one was fun to write. I hope it was similar to what you wanted because I got a little carried away while writing this. I also drew a lot of inspiration from the podcast Spittin’ Chiclets Interview Auston Matthews. He talks about how he was annoyed that Morgan Rielly got a girlfriend and I find it really funny. Also sorry the ending was a bit rushed. 

Word Count: 1,914

Master List

“Hi, I’d like a tall bud light and a strawberry lemonade,” I grinned politely at the bartender. He grinned sweetly at me as he nodded his head. I was currently out at the bars with Auston, his teammates, and their wives and girlfriends.

“Sure thing that'll be $10.00,” he said, placing the beer in front of me. I handed him my credit card as I waited for my drink.

“Hey sweet thang,” Auston whispered into my ear as he wrapped one of his arms around me, blocking me into the corner. I grinned as he pressed a kiss to my cheek. He reached around me and grabbed the beer off the counter taking a sip. His face scrunched up for a moment.

“Beer?” he asked. He had originally been drinking vodka lemonades but I was planning to leave soon and he honestly didn't need any more vodka. He took another sip before setting it back down on the bar counter and leaning against me, his head tucked into my neck. He placed a light kiss on my neck before pulling back slightly.

“Are you waiting on a drink?” he asked, leaning his head against mine. I nodded my head and grinned as the bartender walked over with my card and drink. I picked up my strawberry lemonade and grinned at Auston as I took a drink. He reached out grabbing it from me when I was finished.

“No alcohol in this?” he questioned confused.

“Noo I wanted it. It’s so good,” I said, taking another blissful sip. He grinned fondly at me before picking his beer up.

“Your cute,” he said through a hidden grin behind his cup. My cheeks immediately flushed as my eyes darted out to the dance floor spotting Steph and Mitchy. I turned around holding my drink and put my empty hand on Auston's chest. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me in. As I went to respond I was cut off.

“Matts. Amelia!” Willy exclaimed, throwing his arms around the two of us. Auston and I laughed as we leaned into the touch.

“You guys are just so cute,” Willy grinned, swaying us. I laughed as I elbowed Willy away so that we could move farther from the bar. Auston immediately moved back to my side stepping behind me slightly and pulling me back against his chest.

“Auston is always getting his hands on Amelia,” Willy exclaimed, turning to Zach Hyman who had joined us. I laughed loudly as I leaned back into Auston.

“How could he resist this,” I said, moving my hands up and down my body in an exaggerated motion sending a wink WIlly’s way. He laughed loudly.

“Amelia is definitely out of Auston’s league,” Mitch said as he walked to us placing a hand on Auston's shoulder.

“Really Mitchy,” Auston quipped.

“So out of your league Auston,” Steph teased leaning off of MItch's shoulder. I shared a laugh with Auston as I pat his cheek.

“Your perfect babe,” I grinned. He smiled gratefully at me as he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. He pulled away and I blushed bright red as I saw all our friends staring at us.

“I’ve never seen Auston smile so much in my life,” Jack joked as he approached us.

“Amelia makes him smile,” Freddie said, turning to face him. I blushed leaning further into Auston. He tightened his arms that were wrapped around me and pressed his lips to the side of my face.

“They are just a bunch of bullies,” he teased. I tilted my head up with a laugh.

“Oh for sure,” I grinned.

----

“Look at how good this looks,” I said showing Auston my plate of food. He was away on a long road trip through the states and we had been facetiming for the last twenty minutes because he didn't have a game tonight.

“Oh yeah that looks good babe,” Auston said, taking a good look at the camera.

“Thanks, what are you up to tonight?” I questioned taking a seat on the couch and setting my phone on my leg.

“Some of the guys want to go out to the bars and then others want to play video games in the room,” he explained leaning back against his bed frame.

“Oh and what do you think you'll do?” I asked as I started to eat my food.

“Talk to you,” he grinned lazily at the camera. I grinned to myself as I took another bite.

“Oh yeah?” I quipped back.

“Yeah. What are you wearing?” he asked through a lazy grin. I laughed loudly as I held the camera up and showed my body that was in a Leaf's sweatshirt and my lacy blush pink underwear.

“Take a look for yourself,” I teased.

“God I wish I was home,” he groaned. I smiled pushing my plate away from me and stood up to walk to the bedroom.

“Me too,” I said as I crawled onto the bed and spread out.

“I miss you so much. I miss you putting your hands on me,” I moaned out lightly as I put my hands on myself.

“Oh babe I miss touching you,” he breathed out. As I went to respond we were cut off by the door opening and Mitchy walking in.

“Really,” Auston groaned to the ceiling.

“Oops did I interrupt something?” Mitch said smiling smugly at Auston. I laughed loudly as Auston threw his head back against the headboard with another groan.

“Mitch go away,” Auston whined, rolling his eyes. I gave Auston a look as I shook my head. I was not about to have facetime sex with him after being caught like that.

“The guys want to know if you're going out or going to Willys but considering you're talking to Amelia I’m going to guess you're doing neither,” Mitch teased Auston. We were suddenly interrupted by loud banging on the door.

“Auston get off the phone with Amelia and come out to the bars with us,” Willy called loudly through the door.

“You don’t know I’m on the phone with Amelia,” Auston said back offended.

“Dude you literally are on the phone with her,” Mitch exclaimed through a laugh. I grinned as I sat up in the bed.

“Let me guess Auston’s not coming out with us because he’s on the phone with Amelia,” I heard Mo say.

“Mo you can’t say shit remember when you blew me off to hang out with Tess,” Auston responded pettily.

“Whatever. You coming out or you going to stay here and be lame?” Mo responded.

“Stay here and be lame,” Auston responded moodily. I sent him a questioning look to which he sent me a raised eyebrow.

“Okay,” Mo said and then I heard the sound of a lot of shuffling and the door closing.

“They gone?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. He nodded before sitting up slightly in the bed.

“Yeah,” he lazily smiled.

“Is everything okay with you and Mo?” I asked lightly. I knew that the two had been getting into little arguments because Mo had been blowing Auston off lately for his girlfriend.

“Yeah, everything is fine. He and the guys have just been mocking me a lot lately about how much I talk about you,” he mumbled, rubbing his neck.

“Aw, you talk about me? I grinned back.

“Always, You're everything I ever wanted,” he grinned back seriously.

----

“Please come with,” Auston whined as he pulled me closer to him in bed. My name body pressed against his as I grunted.

“I’m not sure this sounds like fun. You said there won’t be any girls there Aus ” I managed to huff out.

“Willy will be there,” Auston tried to bribe. I gave him a serious look.

“Alright fine. I don’t want to leave you alone yet I’m not ready to.” My face softened as I took in Auston's suffering. I moved squeezed myself closer to him

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked softly. His body tensed slightly for a moment before he relaxed slowly.

“I just really missed you and being away while you're pregnant is just so hard,” he admitted gently. I rubbed my belly as he talked.

“Alright. I’ll DD,” I agreed as I pulled myself out of his arms.

“Really?” He asked with a grin hopping out of bed. I took in his beautiful naked body as I nodded my head with a smile on my face.

“Yeah,” I bit my lip. He grinned before leaning forward and pressing a big kiss to my lips. He then pulled away and made his way to the closet and quickly got changed. Once we were both ready we hopped in the car and I drove us down to the bar.

“I thought it was boy's night,” Zach teased when he saw the two of us walk in together. I held my hands up in defense as I looked between all of them.

“I’m DDing tonight,” I said innocently a few of the guys cheered and held up their glasses to that one. Mo gave Auston a look before returning his stare to his beer bottle. Auston rolled his eyes before looking back to me. I felt confusion start to brew as I took in the two friends arguing over what seemed like nothing.

“Good now I don't have to force Steph to come get me,” Mitch said, pulling me into a side hug. I giggled before turning back to Auston who was having what looked like an intense conversion with Mo.

“Auston do you ever not have Amelia at your side,” Spezza joked as he arrived at the table. A lot of the guys laughed as Auston looked away from Mo and made his way over to me.

“Don’t worry about it guys,” he responded, pulling me into his side. I grinned as I leaned into him.

-----

“Dude you're always simping over Amelia and canceling our plans,” Mo said leaning back against the couch. Auston paused the game as he turned to face Mo. I stood in the hall peeking around the corner as I took in the conversion before me.

“Mo you started it first when you got with Tess. You didn’t even tell me you were dating her at the beginning. At least I told you,” Auston said running his hand through his hair. Mo shook his head not liking that answer.

“You guys are always talking. It almost seems unhealthy. Like your way more into her than she is into you and I’m just trying to look out for you man,” Mo said leaning forward slightly.

“Listen man. Amelia is the love of my life. Our relationship is not unhealthy. We lost a baby and we wanted to have a family so bad. The fact that she is pregnant right now is a miracle. I worry when I leave her alone, I worry when I’m away. I can’t help her through half of this pregnancy because of my job so yeah I’m going to skip hanging out with the boys so I can watch my baby grow. Yeah, I’m going to skip out on hanging with the boys so I can spend time with my lovely sexy wife. Don’t ever talk disrespectfully about her. I would never do that to Tess man,” Auston said before leaning forward and pressing play on the game. Deciding I had heard enough I turned around and made my way back to the bedroom.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

being honest i dont get jm using a award to say he misses tannie... we don’t know 90% of their lives but they are very close to the point of still sleeping together sometimes. and going deep if they were really a couple jm woudnt miss taes dog right? and even as friends he could visit it. unless its because of their schedule right... this kind of comment sometimes confuses me and haters will use it as “they arent close” lol. i just wanted to know your pov.

Judging by Admin 2's reaction, as well as some others in our asks, I have a feeling I was the only one with a more realistic expectation, or lack of expectations, as I waited for the BTS profiles to be posted. Based on last year's, I knew expecting something grand out of Tae, and especially Jimin, would just be me setting myself up for failure, which is what I think happened here.

But, let's discuss it.

I spent a solid couple of hours making an excel table last night that contains everything every member said about every member (sourcing 3 translators for maximum insight) to see if really what Jimin chose for Tae is so "bad" that suddenly people are sending us asks like this one, and another one I'll add later down the line. And the conclusion I've come to is that...what he gave to Tae, as well as Hobi and Seokjin, as awards are the only ones that have any actual emotional/personal connection to them.

With Namjoon and JK Jimin basically states the obvious--Namjoon is tall and JK has gained muscle mass, meaning nothing new or with a proper emotional connection was stated; to Yoongi he made the same request many other members have made, so a work connection, nothing inherently personal.

Now, compared to that--Seokjin teases him/them, which isn't new info, so Jimin asked him to stop or do it less, a valid request which I'm sure he also voiced to Seokjin outside of this FESTA profile and also shows a degree of personal connection; Hobi gets requested to not walk away after asking Jimin a question, which again shows a personal connection and that it's a reoccurring thing; and lastly Tae with Tannie.

Something I've noticed is that some ARMY, who are used to our western celebrities and draw conclusions about idols based on those parameters, forget that BTS are busy, like whatever you consider busy, take that and multiply it by ten. During his vlive with Hobi and Yoongi back in April, Tae said that they are much busier and their lives far more hectic than any of us realize. Taking that into account, and the fact that one of the members (I think it might have been Seokjin) mentioned they work at least ten hours a day for 360 days a year with practice, MV and CF filming, photoshoots, interviews, recording and working on music, meetings, and many other things we have no idea about, do you really think Yeontan lives with Tae full time? A dog needs to get walked and fed but if Tae is out of the house every day for at least ten hours, what would happen to Tannie? He'd just sit around at home alone all day which just isn't fair, so I'm sure Tannie lives with Tae's parents much the same way Micky lives with Hobi's parents and/or his sister, JKs dog lives with his family, Holly lives with Yoongi’s brother, Moni with Namjoon's, and years ago Seokjin had to give his sugar gliders to his parents because he was too busy to take care of them.

Based on that of that, I'm not sure how often Tae get's to see Tannie. Probably not all that often, to be honest. So, if Tannie's owner doesn't get to see him often, I'd assume Jimin gets to see him even less (if we work on the assumption that Tannie lives with Tae's parents and thus Tae could only really see him when visiting them or when they visit him, that means Jimin wouldn't be able to see Tannie just like that either, since that would be like intruding on family time, right?). And we know Jimin loves Tannie, so him using that award to say he misses him and is asking about him shows care and an emotional connection to Tannie. Do I think Jimin also asks Tae privately about Tannie? Absolutely. And still, while Jimin didn't give Tae the, I don't know, "hot body Award" like Yoongi did with Namjoon or the "person I love most in the world award" (which we should know by now would never happen, and if you expected something of that intensity level, than I'm sorry but you've set yourself up for disappointment from the start), he still drew a personal and emotional connection between himself and Tae, as well as the pet Tae loves dearly.

More below the cut:

Jimin could’ve asked about the other pets of the members, but he didn’t, he only ever really talked about Tannie, and here he does it again, so doesn’t that show that he has a bond with him, a closer one than the other members since they don’t/didn’t ask about him (except for Hobi that one time on weverse)?

Speaking of Hobi, am I the only one who finds it interesting and cute that he only drew little hearts for Jimin and Tae when writing down their awards?

Also, we have to remember that these profiles are for us, fan content (remember when Jimin asked Tae last year to post more pictures of Tannie on weverse because ARMY miss seeing him, so what if this is drawing a connection/parallel to that?), and not meant as the members “confessing” something to each other that they otherwise wouldn’t or don’t have the chance to do so. It’s not meant to be all that serious and instead just be fun and nice for us to read, show us a bit of their dynamic and that’s it, no world shattering revelations to be found, from any of them. Or do you really think Yoongi doesn’t like Jimin just because he told Jimin he’s trying too hard to be funny? It’s just part of their dynamic. Or that none of the members have anything else to say to JK besides commenting on his body/appearance? As for vmin, I’d like to remind us of this moment from their Friends subunit interview for FESTA 2020:

Whatever Jimin and Tae want to say to each other, they don’t need FESTA to do it, or us to be there as witnesses. Like Tae didn’t already say enough by telling us that 95z is love. Or Jimin by writing Friends.

From anon: because of you I came back da Namjin. I am a senior army and 2 years ago I left Namjin because I thought they broke up. You made me three Vmin but after what JK wrote about Jimin and after Jm himself about his chances I think that vmin are not together or Jimin withdrew. I think Jk would not dare to write about Jm that he has cute fingers etc if vmin were a relationship. it goes too far and confuses Jk too much. I don't want to say that J / k*ok is real because it certainly isn't !!!!

Now this is where I just sit and sigh heavily because it’s exactly what I expected and I will admit it irks me to no end. Let’s establish a little timeline:

Based on the FESTA Mission! BTS 4 Cuts Teaser that was posted earlier we can deduce that at least part of FESTA was already being prepared back in the first half of March, since on March 12th Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin had their salad making vlive. Let’s suppose that everything FESTA related was prepared and written out by the members around that time as well. Sometime later BTS filmed YOU QUIZ followed by LET’S BTS and BTSxGame Caterers and everything else we’ve seen after that.

Or going a little further back to sometime in November 2020 while they were preparing for MMA 2020 and the Black Swan performance. We got the practice video today and if you pay attention to Jimin and Tae even there you notice that while Tae is waiting for his turn in the choreography, Jimin runs past him after his part is done (0:55) and they pat each other or do a “high five” or something along those lines as a way to cheer each other on. A very “we’re broken up” or “I will break up with him soon” thing to do, right? Or in min-January when Tae posted seven pictures out of which three were of just Jimin after an ARMY on weverse asked if anyone had any nice pictures they could use as wallpaper for their phone. Between all that I’m having a hard time honestly finding any moment where either of them seemed sad or “cold” toward the other the way you would be and feel if the person you love pulled away from you or broke up with you.

If you are still unconvinced and still think that is what Jimin tried to communicate to us, would Tae really have gone on national TV and said he likes Jimin the most? And would Jimin have agreed that he likes him a lot as well? Or looking at the making video of their Kloud Beer CF that was posted today as well, would Jimin really be looking and interacting with Tae this way if he decided to end things between them?

Also, going back a little, your mention of Jimin reflecting upon opportunities/chances now that it’s a new year. My question is based on what you made the judgment that this comment has to be about vmin and not about something entirely different in Jimin’s life, or maybe something connected to BTS as a whole? Just because of him asking Tae about Tannie? Jimin, as well as Tae and the other members, have entire lives outside of just their bonds with each other, entire careers, passion projects, families, friend groups, and that little bit of time they have to themselves, so immediately thinking Jimin’s comment must be related to his relationship/bond with Tae basically makes it seem like Jimin’s life is a romcom or a TV show in which the only thing that matters is if the main character will date or remain in a relationship with character B or not, but life isn’t like that.

Personally it reminded me of something Tae said during their Bring the Soul documentary about how BTS had the opportunities to go higher faster but they decided against them. Perhaps Jimin’s comment was about something like this as well, especially since we know Jimin is a very private person and very selective of the personal things he shares with us and the ones he doesn’t.

For the FESTA profile JK decided to give Jimin the “Cute Award” with the explanation that his “Face, height, fingers are cute” which, honestly, is just saying something that a) is true and b) has been said in millions of ways by every member across the last couple of years. I don’t see what the issue here is? During one of the episodes of BTSxGame Caterers Seokjin said that Jimin is very cute and that he has a small, beautiful face, so really he even added the word beautiful in there, which JK did not, so what really is the issue here? The fact its JK, right, that’s where the issue lies, to which I ask why? On this blog we’ve already established that there is (in our opinion and based on everything we’ve seen and heard) no romantic connection between JK and Jimin (nor Tae), not now and not in the past either, so why is him saying that Jimin is cute (which he is known for even by people outside of ARMY, or like James Cordon calling him his cute baby mochi) is an issue but Seokjin or any other member is not? Either we use the same measurements for everyone or we don’t compare or make such assumptions about any of them.

What I find curious, because this does make it seem like you, anon, are someone influenced by J*k*ok shippers and their opinions, see an issue in JK saying that about Jimin, and how that’s “proof” that Jimin and Tae can’t possibly be together, and yet you took no issue to Namjoon basically saying he wants to give Tae an award because he is so handsome he is above every list or Yoongi comparing him to Michelangelo's David, both of these being much more superlative and grand complements/awards than JK saying Jimin’s face, height and fingers are cute.

It’s funny how things that Jimin and Tae have said about and to each other that make their bond very clear (I want to live with my lovely Taehyungie forever or here is my love for you while handing Tae a bunch of red heart balloons or 95z is love, a statement I’m sure he wouldn’t post if that sentiment weren’t mutual) are all questioned or ignored, but something as basically trivial as a comment about Jimin being cute is turned into a major issue. The mental gymnastics is fascinating.

Lastly, going back to the first anon and their mention of how haters will use Jimin’s Award for Tae as “proof” that they “aren’t close anymore”--why do we care? Like Namjoon said in the Mic Drop lyrics Haters gon’ hate. They will say a lot of things about a lot of things and even make things up if they feel like it to push their agenda, so really, regardless of what Jimin would’ve said, or not said, they would’ve found a way to twist it and make it fit their narrative. Besides, what haters think has no actual effect or bearing on what Tae and Jimin have with each other, and neither does what other shippers claim. Haters and other shippers don’t control the narrative, BTS do, and everything Jimin and Tae have shown us in 2021, as well as the last eight years, shows me that their bond has only ever grown stronger and closer and more beautiful and awe inspiring, even while haters claimed they stopped being friends years ago, so why should you or I care what they think?

Like Yoongi once said in one of his vlives about how haters can write all they want, he won’t read it while they will get sued.

[starculler]

Lead Me Down Another Road (preview)

Word Count: 2975

I fell into a minor rabbit hole and stand before you now with a scrap from the Crèchemaster Anakin AU I'm working on. The full fic is a few thousand words longer than this (and will go up on ao3 within the week), but this is technically the original bit I'd planned on writing (and is thus self-contained enough that I'm comfortable posting it alone here. As a treat). Hope y'all enjoy it and the glimpse of at least one of several Jedi OCs I've been having to come up with for this lol Note: I'm using crèche-minder in place of crèchemaster because it fits a little better with how I've set up the role in the au -- the particulars of which will be explored in the full fic.

Anakin stood from where he’d sat among the younglings in Targon Clan when he caught sight of his master standing just inside the room, all ten pairs of eyes straying from their painting to watch him stretch. He grimaced briefly at the splotches of bright paint he could already see on his tunic and pants, but made it a point to smile at a scowling nautolan making a grab at his ankle. He shuffled back, just out of reach, and had to dodge another two pairs of eager, sticky fingers with a put-upon sigh that failed to fully mask his amusement. It was the same song and dance every time he was sent to Knight D’nali for crèche-duty, and he’d long gotten wise to the initiates’ tricks.

What made today’s game of Catch-the-Padawan novel was Obi-Wan’s presence hovering at the edges of Anakin’s focus. His master hadn’t come to collect him like this since his first few weeks, confident that Anakin would neither get lost on his way to and from the crèche, nor try to dodge his punishment after that awful first and final attempt. He shuddered at the memory even as he leaped nimbly over a pair of near-humans who’d thought to tackle him from behind. He laughed when they turned, eyes wide and betrayed for a moment before trying for a frontal attack.

He dodged, weaving between ten tiny, determined younglings — baiting them with the promise of his capture before stepping just out of reach once more — until he hit something solid from behind. He blinked, stunned for a second and sure that he’d had enough space still to maneuver around, only to yelp when an arm snaked around his waist and pulled him off his feet with an ease that spoke of more than a little help from the Force.

“Master!” He groaned, his protest drowned out by mixed cheering and jeering from Targon Clan and their minder’s own loud laughter. Anakin shot Knight D’nali as much of a betrayed look as he could while caught, but the traitor only laughed harder. He huffed.

“Well,” Obi-Wan said, grinning and smug and just as much of a traitor as the kiffar knight, “it seems I’ve won a prize to take back with me. A whole padawan all for myself.” A chorus of “No’s” and groaning followed the statement, and Anakin, face warmer than it had been a minute ago, suddenly found the floor much more interesting than a gaggle of disappointed initiates. Obi-Wan, still being a traitor, only laughed.

“Alright, alright. Settle down now,” Knight D’nali interrupted, wading into the chaos so she stood between them and the younglings. “Knight Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker have other duties to attend to, and you little Jedi have a latemeal to prepare for.”

With only a mild amount of protest, the little ones acquiesced. In true, and still vaguely eerie to Anakin, Jedi fashion, they bowed in sync, calling out a discordant mix of goodbyes and thank yous. Anakin nodded in return, starting to wriggle in his master’s grip in a futile attempt to free himself. Obi-Wan held fast even after two of the younglings, a zabrak and the same nautolan who’d first tried to grab onto him, crept around Knight D’nali to hand him four sheets of flimsi splattered with a variety of bright, clashing paint.

He sighed, resigned to the embarrassment of being gifted their paintings under the too-amused gazes of both knights, and murmured a quiet “Thanks” that made the pair smile so wide he thought their faces might split. Their obvious happiness made something warm bubble up in his chest and his hand tingle where flimsi met skin. It was hardly the first time one of the younglings in any of the clans he frequented had given him something small like this to take back with him — he had a wall in his room dedicated to doodles and paintings and a corner set aside, free of his usual clutter, for knickknacks and crafts — but the shock and awe and tingling warmth it left in him never wore off.

Anakin’s gifts had never lied with children. His temper ran too hot and he never quite knew what to say to anyone his age, much less younger than him. It had, in fact, taken months of constant supervision, patience, and teaching from the crèche-minders who’d agreed to take on his crèche-duty punishments for him to build up any sort of rapport with the little ones under their care. It had been hard and frustrating, but ultimately rewarding, work even if it had been borne out of his master’s own frustrated desperation.

The arm around his waist squeezed briefly, and Anakin had to fight down yet another burning flush when he realized Obi-Wan had most likely noticed where his thoughts had wandered. He floundered for something to say or do, but settled for a heavy sigh that drew a brief chuckle from his master.

“I apologize again for stealing Anakin back so early, Knight D’nali,” Obi-Wan said and Anakin could picture the apologetic smile on his face as he spoke.

“No need,” said Knight D’nali, smiling just enough that the wrinkles in her eyes and the upward pull of her cheeks distorted the two, bright red tattoos — one line the width of her thumb and the other no more than half a centimeter — cutting vertically down from hairline to jaw over her right eye. “I may be getting older, but I remember well enough how busy a padawan’s life can be.”

“You’re not that old,” Anakin groused and earned himself a huff from his master and a bark of laughter from Knight D’nali.

“That’s sweet of you padawan, but the gray in my hair tells another story. And not another word about it,” she said the second Anakin opened his mouth. “There’ll be no buttering up this old knight. I told you, if you’re back here in less than a week I will sit this clan down for a four-hour meditation at least. Force knows your master certainly won’t object.”

“Yes Knight D’nali,” he said in the dull tone every chastised padawan seemed to affect, much to Targon Clan’s delight if their stifled giggling was any indication. Knight D’nali simply nodded, satisfied. Obi-Wan, again, laughed.

“And on that note, we’ll be taking our leave now. Knight D’nali.” Obi-Wan bowed as well as he could with an armful of padawan still pinned against him. “Targon Clan.” He offered the still-giggling younglings a much shallower bow. “May the Force be with you,” he said, echoed only a moment after by Anakin, before turning on his heel and striding out into the hall.

Anakin wriggled again and said: “Master, you can put me down now.” Obi-Wan hummed but didn’t so much as slow down until Anakin huffed, rolled his eyes, and added an only somewhat petulant “Please.”

It took him a moment to find his balance when Obi-Wan suddenly let go, but soon enough he was keeping pace with his master, just shy of being at the knight’s side. They walked in silence, past the doors to other clans of exuberant younglings and down the almost confusing pattern of turns that made up the Temple’s Crèche. It was, he knew, meant to be confusing so that intruders would have a harder time reaching the Jedi’s most vulnerable members on the off chance they made it through the Temple, guards, and every Jedi in between. He also knew that Obi-Wan was purposefully leading him through the longest route rather than the faster shortcuts one of the other crèche-minders, a young pantoran knight he’d only met with a few times so far, had taught him.

They nodded at the pair of guards stationed at the Crèche’s primary entrance once they’d finally made it through, and again to any Jedi they passed along the main corridor. Anakin glanced curiously at his master when he led them not towards the dormitory or refectory, but instead toward the salles and meditation rooms. He pursed his lips, unsure if it was a good or bad sign.

The salles meant lightsaber practice — Anakin’s favorite — but he doubted they’d stop there. He had, after all, been in the crèche because he’d let his temper get the best of him again, and Obi-Wan had made a point of steering Anakin away from as many potentially aggressive outlets as he could until he was sure Anakin was cool-headed. That didn’t stop him, however, from reaching for the lightsaber on his belt, shiny and still new considering he’d only just built it less than half a year ago. The trip to Ilum had been terrifying and exciting in equal measure, just the two of them instead of waiting for the next crèche clan’s planned gathering. It still awed him sometimes, to brush the warm, steel cylinder and find it there or to sit and listen to his crystal’s song virtually anytime he wanted.

It was a scrap of undeniable proof that he was a Jedi. That, late-comer or not, he belonged here just as much as any other padawan or knight.

Obi-Wan slowed, looking back at Anakin with the kind of unbearably soft, caring smile that told him his master had probably felt where his thoughts had gone. He held an arm out and Anakin hesitated a moment at the familiar invitation, torn between embarrassed frustration and elation at being invited close in a fairly public space, before stepping up so he was beside rather than behind Obi-Wan. He stiffened when Obi-Wan put an arm around his shoulder, but relaxed before his master could even think about pulling away. Anakin pressed into his side, deciding that, right now, eleven-nearly-twelve wasn’t too old for the show of affection, and just about melted when Obi-Wan’s arm shifted to briefly squeeze his shoulder.

His vain hope for the salles was, of course, dashed as they walked passed to duck into one of the smaller, unoccupied meditation rooms. Despite not wanting to complain, Anakin couldn’t completely stifle a sigh as he took in the room: bland, small, and box-shaped, with a few colorful cushions laid out and more stacked against the walls with a few other types of seating for those who might need it. Obi-Wan flashed him a quick smile, squeezing his shoulder once more before letting go and settling on an older-looking, dark blue cushion. Anakin breathed in, held it for a count of four, and breathed out in an effort to brace himself for the ensuing lecture or meditation he was sure to suffer. He picked up a red cushion from the far wall, calling it to his hands with the Force, and sat himself down in front of his master, close enough that their knees almost touched. Then, he waited.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan started after they’d sat in silence for a few tranquil-bordering-on-nerve-wracking minutes, their slow, even breathing the only sound in the room. Anakin met his master’s gaze, shifting slightly as a small kernel of icy unease sprang to life in the pit of his stomach. “You’re not in trouble, Padawan.” Obi-Wan smiled, still soft. Still caring. Anakin frowned.

“You don’t usually bring me here unless I am.”

“I suppose I do, don’t I?” He seemed to speak mostly to himself, brow furrowed and a wry twist to his lips, like he’d found something funny. Anakin cocked his head to one side, watching as Obi-Wan breathed deeply a few times like he was trying to center himself. Or, a traitorous part of his mind whispered, bracing himself. Anakin squirmed in place, hardly daring to breathe himself as the unease in his stomach grew a fraction larger. “I’ve been talking to a few of the crèche-minders you’ve been working with.” Anakin swallowed, thoughts flitting towards the many mistakes he’d made the last few months and especially at first. “They’ve given you rather glowing reviews if I do say so myself,” he said, a small but pleased curl in his lips. And Anakin—

Anakin blinked.

“Really?” he asked, and wished the question hadn’t come out quite so bewildered. His master grinned and Anakin swore there was pride gleaming somewhere in his eyes.

“Really. They’ve enjoyed having you there. Knight D’nali says you have an uncanny ability for distraction,” Obi-Wan teased. Anakin stuck his tongue out and earned himself a bark of laughter. “Master Benni,” he continued, sobering once more, “made an interesting suggestion when I spoke to him last week. I—” Obi-Wan stopped. Inhaled.

“Master?”

A fine tremor had started in Anakin’s hands at some point. Excitement at first, quickly drowned out by a fresh wave of nerves. He’d once thought, at first, that Tatooine would drown in rain the day Obi-Wan Kenobi didn’t have a sharp retort on the tip of his tongue. A nearly three-year partnership with the knight had broken the facade a bit by now, but the sight of Obi-Wan struggling to put his thoughts together unnerved Anakin even after his master smiled reassuringly, reaching forward to clasp one of Anakin’s hands between both of his.

“There are many paths to becoming a Jedi, as I’m sure you’ve learned by now. Guardians, Council members, diplomats, teachers … crèche-minders,” he said, emphasizing the last. Anakin’s breath caught, eyes wide as the implication sunk slowly in.

“Did— Did Master Benni,” Anakin started, strangled and halting. Obi-Wan nodded. “But—But I’m horrible with younglings! I’ve made so many mistakes. I—”

“You are learning, Anakin. No one expects you to be perfect at anything. Much less in dealing with younglings.” Anakin opened his mouth. Closed it. Floundered in his incomprehension until—

“Are you … Are you getting rid of me?” he asked, voice suddenly small and hurt. He turned his hand in Obi-Wan’s grip, wrapping his smaller fingers around his master’s wrist as if he would disappear from Anakin’s sight at any moment.

“No,” Obi-Wan said firmly, one of his thumbs stroking the back of Anakin’s hand. “You are my padawan, Anakin, and I will never abandon you.” Obi-Wan paused there, earnest and scorching in his focus until Anakin nodded, more numb than anything else at the moment. Satisfied, his master continued: “But I do think that this is a good opportunity for you.” Obi-Wan’s eyes flicked down to their hands and then back up, meeting Anakin’s once more, steady and confident and calm. “You’ve changed a little since you’ve been around the crèches. I can see a confidence in you that wasn’t there before, and better control. Not just with the Force, though I’ve no doubt entertaining younglings for hours has done wonders.” Anakin flushed, fuzzy warmth buzzing in his chest at the praise.

“You feel things — everything — so strongly, Anakin, and I fear I’ve not been able to help you much in that regard.”

Anakin opened his mouth to protest, but snapped it shut when Obi-Wan held a hand up for silence and settled for a quiet pout instead, much to his master’s amusement.

“I appreciate your faith in me,” he said with a nod, “and I do not doubt that you would learn a lot at my side alone. But I’m coming to realize where you might need more than I am able to give, not because I don’t want to. Force knows I’d do whatever I could to help you, Anakin, but there are simply things I won’t be able to understand. Haven’t been able to understand,” he added and Anakin frowned at the brief, bitter note he could pick out in his master’s tone. “Master Benni’s offer has as much to do with your potential as it does with your connection to both the initiates and their minders. I— We think it’s something you should consider, despite how it’s likely not the path you first envisioned for yourself.

“You will still be my padawan, always,” he said and squeezed Anakin’s hand to reinforce the sentiment, “but you would split your time between myself and a rotating number of the crèche’s minders under Master Benni’s supervision. You’ll be busy, and kept in the Temple more often than not even if I’m sent out on missions. It may cut into your classes or lightsaber training, in which case you’ll have to work harder to keep up, but there’s not a doubt in my mind that you could do it.”

Anakin nodded, mind whirling and thoughts spinning. There was more Obi-Wan wanted to say, he could tell, but Anakin was grateful for the lull granted to him to gather his thoughts.

“I—” Anakin swallowed, his throat and mouth suddenly dry. He held his master’s wrist a fraction tighter. “Can I think about it?” He winced at how his voice cracked, but Obi-Wan only nodded, smile still firmly in place.

“Of course. You don’t have to decide on anything until you’re ready. Master Benni made it quite clear to me that the offer is open to you whenever you wish to take it, whether that time is now or after you’ve been knighted.”

Anakin blinked, balking at the magnitude of not only the offer, but the old Master’s apparent faith in him, even as the buzzing warmth from earlier threatened to consume him fully now. He felt a fresh flush rise on his cheeks and a sheen of stinging tears prick at his eyes, held back by sheer force of will because he refused to waste the water just yet. Slowly, carefully, Obi-Wan squeezed his hand before leaning forward, reaching out and grabbing a fistful of Anakin’s outer tunic. When he pulled, Anakin went as easily as he used to into his mother’s arms, overwhelmingly grateful for the contact just then.

“I’ll think about it, Master,” he mumbled into Obi-Wan’s robes, his face pressed into his master’s chest. “Thanks.”

Obi-Wan only hummed in response, tucking Anakin close and rubbing soothing circles into his back while Anakin clutched at him in return.

[plaidbooks]

Hey 🥰 could I request working with Sonny and you two used to date but broke up, you remained friends but never really got over each other and your end up going through a pretty bad time with work or personal stuff and you’re struggling mentally and not eating etc and when he realises he comes over to your place to check ur ok and you just breakdown and he tells u he still loves u and that it’ll always be u 🥺

Some Space

A/N: I am so sorry that this took so long! I was so burnt out of writing, but I'm here now! I hope that this makes up for the wait!

This takes place before Sonny joins SVU--and his timeline is a little wonky to make this fic work, but oh well.

Tags: death, shootings, blood, disassociation

Words: 2590

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy @ben-c-group-therapy @infiniteoddball @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @redlipstickandplaid @reading--mermaid @dreamlover31 @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell

“So, do you wanna move in together?” Sonny asked while you cuddled on his couch. You turned to look at him, and his face fell as he saw your expression. “…you don’t?”

You sighed. “It’s not like I don’t love you, Sonny, because I do. It’s just…I mean, we’re still in our mid-20s. I want a little more, uh, freedom before I settle down, you know?”

“I’ve known since we started dating in high school that I was in for the long term. I was thinking of maybe…I don’t know, getting married…having kids…. Now that we’ve settled into patrol, I thought it would be the perfect time to take the next step,” he muttered.

You sat in silence, debating. You loved Sonny, and you did want to marry him…someday. Not right now. You’ve barely lived any of your life; hell, you lived at home still. Sonny had his own apartment, but you didn’t want to go from living with your parents to living with him. You wanted space, time to figure out who you really were. And you didn’t think you could do that with Sonny. If he couldn’t give you your independence, if you both wanted different things, then you were going to have to break up with him, as much as it would break your heart to do it.

“Listen, Sonny, I need to live my own life for a little bit, discover myself. I-it’s nothing wrong with you, I promise—”

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked softly.

Hearing the words out loud made tears form in your eyes. “I…yes, I guess I am. At least until I find myself…. I’m so sorry, Sonny. I’ll always care about you. We can still be friends?”

“Y-yeah…okay, sure. I…yeah…” he trailed off, unwrapping his arms from around you. You both sat there awkwardly, and the tension was thick. You stood, moving to grab your jacket, and Sonny followed you to the front door.

“This isn’t…goodbye. I promise you, Sonny Carisi. It’s just—”

“See you later?” he finished.

You gave him a smile, and a kiss on the cheek. “Yeah. I’ll see you later.”

*****************************

That was months ago now, and you had transferred out of Staten Island patrol, unable to see Sonny every day, those big, sad blue eyes trying to avoid your gaze. Now, you worked for Brooklyn, an officer in their Homicide department. You settled in quickly, and you found a cheap-ish apartment in Brooklyn.

It was nice living by yourself, and you highly enjoyed it. You missed Sonny dearly, but you thought it was too soon to reach out. Your heart still strained when you thought about the breakup, so you kept your distance. But it was getting easier and easier to let those feelings fade away in your new line of work. Brooklyn Homicide was a lot busier than Staten patrol, and you got along great with your partner, Drew Zimmer.

“We keep making these busts, and we’re gonna make detective in no time,” Drew said, grinning at you.

You smiled back as you shoved a cuffed perp in the backseat of your squad car. “Then we get paid halfway decently for doing much of the same as we are now.”

“Plus, normal clothes! Not this suffocating police uniform.”

You agreed, then moved to the front seat, Drew sliding in behind the steering wheel. You and Drew were close, but you never crossed a line. He was engaged to his high school sweetheart, something that made you slightly sad. Sonny was your high school sweetheart, and you wondered how different your life would’ve been if you moved in with him.

*************************

As Drew predicted, you both made detective later that year. You were officially the youngest detective, having moved up the ranks so quickly. You both went out for drinks to celebrate, and you had the wild impulse to invite Sonny. It had been almost a year since you broke up, and you could finally think about it without tearing up. But would he be okay with it? You fought the idea, putting your phone back in your pocket.

“Everything okay?” Drew asked, seeing the look on your face.

You shot him a fake smile. “Fine, fine. Just…thinking. Don’t worry about it.”

He gave you a hard, knowing look, as if he could read your mind. You had told him about Sonny, but you didn’t want to bring the celebration down. Instead, you took your glass and cheers him before taking a sip.

You jumped when your phone rang, and you pulled it out of your pocket. Your Captain’s name flashed across the screen, and you answered with a brisk voice. Drew watched and listened, then sighed when you said that you were both on your way.

“What do we got?” he asked, putting money on the table and standing.

You pulled your jacket on, heading for the door. “Body found in Prospect Heights. You okay to drive?”

“Sober as a fox.”

*************************

You both showed up quickly, seeing the officers who called in the body. Drew parked, and you made your way over. One of the officers started walking you both through the details when a gunshot rang out from down the alley that the body was in. Instinct took over as you hid behind a wall of the building, grabbing the closest officer to you and pulling them with you. Gunshots echoed in the alleyway as someone—or someones—unloaded on the entrance to the alley.

Drew was on the other side of the alleyway, and one of the officers was flat on their back, blood leaking from a bullet hole in their head. You ordered the officer next to you to call for backup, then waited until the gunfire stopped. Taking a chance, you snuck a quick peak. There were three individuals at the end of the alley, making their way quickly towards you.

You motioned to Drew, letting him know, before you reached your hand around the corner, firing blindly in an attempt to at least slow their advance. With the cover fire, Drew came halfway around the wall, actually aiming his gun as he fired.

“You got one of them,” he informed you. He got a few shots off before a bullet went through his neck, knocking him off his feet.

“Drew!” you screamed before whipping around the wall, shooting with deadly precision. There was only one man still standing—Drew must’ve got one before going down—and you shot him quickly. Then you dropped to your knees by Drew’s rasping form. You ripped off your jacket, pressing it to the bloody wound.

“Stay with me Drew, do you hear me? You have a fiancée to go home to,” you ordered, trying desperately to stop the bleeding. “Call a bus!” you yelled at the officer, who was staring in shock.

Drew reached up, grabbing your wrist. “T-tell Steph I—I love her…please,” he gasped, voice weak.

“You’re going to tell her yourself when you see her, okay?” you said, trying to smile at him.

He shook his head. “Tell her…please. I-I—” Drew let out a death rattle before laying still.

“No! No! Live, damn you! You can’t die on me, Drew! W-we’re partners!” you screamed. But he was gone. Tears spilled down your cheeks as you leaned over him.

Time meant nothing as you knelt there. You had no idea when the ambulance arrived, nor when your Captain showed up. You’re not sure who moved you away from Drew’s lifeless body, and you didn’t notice how you ended up at the hospital. You were still covered in Drew’s blood as the nurses ran tests, making sure you were uninjured. Your Captain ordered you to take time off, and you didn’t hear him, didn’t argue. You blinked and you were home, sitting on your couch, a bottle of whiskey in front of you.

***************************

IAB had been delayed by your Captain, but eventually, you had to face them. You couldn’t recall what they asked, or what you answered. The first emotion you felt in days was fleeting anger; the body that you had been called to investigate was left as bait. The men who shot at you, who killed your partner and an officer, were part of a gang, attempting to become cop killers. It was all a ruse to kill whichever cops arrived on the scene. Drew, one of the nicest, most genuine people you’ve known, was killed for street cred. But your anger soon disappeared, just like everything else.

***************************

It had been a week since Drew died in your arms. You visited his fiancée—she had already been informed of her love’s death—but you had to see her, pass on his final words. You held her as she cried, but you had no tears left. You felt nothing; you were just a shell. You stopped eating, stopped showering, stopped drinking, even water. You stopped sleeping; you just passed out nowadays, at any and all times of the day, wherever you happened to be laying. Your Captain called you a few times, trying to get you into therapy, but you never left your apartment.

One night, there was a knock on your door. You moved on phantom feet, unlocking and pulling your door open. You felt a dull punch to the gut as Sonny stood on your doorstep.

“H-hey doll…. I heard about your partner, and I thought I’d check up on you,” he said softly.

You nodded, not even attempting to fake a smile. “I’m fine,” you said in a monotone voice, ready to close the door on him. But Sonny was quicker.

“No, you’re not.” And with that, he pushed into your home. “When was the last time you’ve eaten? Washed? Brushed your teeth? Anything?”

You had no answer for him, and he quickly went to your kitchen, pulling open your fridge. Normally, you’d follow him, but instead, you went and collapsed on your couch, your legs unable to hold you up anymore.

Sonny came out with a glass of water. “Drink that,” he ordered, then stood there until you did. “Most of your food has gone bad; I’m going to run to the store. While I’m gone, I want you to shower, okay?”

You didn’t nod, made no indication that you had heard him. He ran a hand through his hair, hating seeing you like this.

“Okay…if you can shower, please do. Otherwise, just at least…drink another glass of water, okay?” He took the glass from your hand, refilled it, then came back and handed it to you. “I’ll be right back.”

You were unsure for how long he was gone; you dimly heard him come back. Sonny went to your kitchen with full grocery bags, and soon, the sounds and smells of cooking emanated from within. He came out soon after—or maybe it was longer, who knows?—with a plate of food.

When he noticed the full glass of water in your hand still, he shook his head, then sat next to you. You didn’t fight him as he fed you small bites, nor as he raised the glass of water to your lips. You tasted nothing as you ate half the plate. Sonny was afraid to make you sick with too much food at once, so he put the rest back in the kitchen. Then, he pulled you to the bathroom. He undressed you, then himself, before guiding you into the shower. The hot water brought you partly to your senses, just enough to feel Sonny’s hands washing your hair and body.

“You may have to get your hair cut short—it’s pretty damaged from lack of care,” he muttered, trying to work the knots out with his fingers. You nodded gently, letting him care for you. Once done, he wrapped you in a towel, patting you dry. Then, he took your toothbrush and put paste on it before handing it to you, lifting your hand to your mouth.

“Brush,” he softly ordered, and you did.

After finishing up in the bathroom, Sonny tugged you to your room, where he dressed you in your pajamas. Then he pushed you down into the bed.

“Sleep, okay? I’ll stay here with you until you fall asleep,” he promised.

You laid on the pillow, and fresh tears came to your eyes. “He died in my arms,” you muttered.

Sonny’s expression softened. “I heard, doll. There was nothing more you could’ve done. Just rest now.”

As promised, he sat next to you until you drifted off, your hand in his.

*******************************

Sonny practically moved in with you after that, just until you could take care of yourself. He took you to a therapist, and a hair salon. He made you meals and made sure you drank water. At first, he would shower with you and made sure you brushed your teeth; those were the two things you started doing yourself the quickest. It took you a few weeks to break out of the shock-induced disassociation you were experiencing. Eventually, you started helping Sonny cook in your kitchen, and doing small chores around your apartment.

“Thank you, Sonny, for everything,” you said one night while you were eating dinner.

He smiled at you. “Of course, doll. I care about you.”

“I care about you, too. I—I should’ve called you earlier. I was just afraid that it was too soon.”

His smile faltered slightly. “I understand. I…it’s probably still too soon….”

“What do you mean?”

Sonny put his fork down, looking everywhere but at you. “Look, I’ve…I thought that enough time had passed, especially when I heard about your partner—” you flinched at the mention of Drew— “but when you opened the door and I saw how much it affected you, I realized that…I still love you, have always loved you. You were literally wasting away, and I couldn’t stand by and watch.”

You froze, not in shock at him, but at yourself. Because hearing the words out loud, you knew that you loved him, too.

“I’m sorry; you don’t need this right now. The last thing you need on your mind is—”

“I love you, too, Sonny. God, I love you so much,” you replied, throwing your arms around him, and leaning against his side.

He hesitated a moment before he wrapped an arm around your back. “Are ya sure? You’re going through some pretty traumatic stuff right now. Your emotions going a little haywire.”

“I’m sure. I-I was afraid to call you because I couldn’t handle seeing you. Because I never got over you.”

Sonny nodded. “I never got over you, either. Look, if you still want your space, I can live with that, as long as I don’t lose you again. I never want to lose you again.”

“I don’t want to lose you, either. I love you; I want to marry you one day. Let’s just…see how it goes, okay? I’ve learned a lot just in the year we’ve been apart—”

He cut you off with a kiss, his lips soft against yours. He felt so familiar, so much like home, and you realized how much you had really missed him. You kissed him back, holding him to you. He leaned his forehead against yours, lips brushing over yours.

“We’ll figure out the details later. Right now, I just want to get to know you again,” he breathed.

You nodded. “Please, yes. I want to remember you, Dominick.”

He pulled you closer, promising his whole self to you in a searing kiss.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

and the void looked back to say i love you (Part One)

A/N: did i write a whole fic inspired by the time phil surfed the void in osmp and then soon after that kristin sent in a tts saying "i love you"? yes. yes i did. (I'm aiming to update this every saturday until its done)

Warnings: brief violence mentions, implied/referenced character death (none of the osmp members, just random people), kristin has some mild eldritch horror moments (but it’s barely that she’s just a spooky lady)

Summary: All Kristin had known was all-consuming darkness. Not that she particularly minded it, the Void was her domain. But then along comes Philza, and her life is filled with light in the form of laughter and twinkling eyes. (Alternatively, five times Phil visited Kristin in the Void and one time she came up to the Overworld.)

Masterpost

-

The first time Kristin met Phil, he was flying along the roof of her domain, laughing and cheering as a murder of crows flew close behind him, cawing in a cacophony of distress and elation. She was confused by the birdlike man- not by the fact that he seemed to be part bird, but by the fact that there was someone even near the void at all.

"Why don't we dip down and touch the void? Just for a second," she heard the man say to his crows, who responded with squawks of terror. She watched, intrigued as the man began to dive down with a hand outstretched, the crows cawing their dissent all the while. His fingers brushed through the inky nothingness, the darkness of her domain creeping up his wrist- and then with a powerful flap of his wings he wrenched himself free of the void's grip. Taking on a physical form, she poked her head up out of the void to gaze at the man with wide eyes. She had never seen someone escape the grip of her domain before. And if she hadn't been intrigued before, she was certainly intrigued now.

“I’m fine guys, see? The void didn’t-” the man stopped midway through consoling his crows as he turned midair and locked eyes with Kristin. He looked just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. He nearly started falling towards the void again, but quickly caught himself and hovered above Kristin. The crows circled around the man, cawing in a mix of alarm and excitement.

“Hello,” Kristin called out, a little unused to speaking but excited to have the chance to. The man let out a startled squawk in response, nearly unbalancing himself in the air but still managed to stay aloft.

“You can talk?!” the man cried out in surprise. Kristin tilted her head to the side in confusion.

“You can talk,” she said pointedly. The man let out a laugh, shaking his head in mild embarrassment.

“Good point. I just… didn’t think you were real. Thought my mind was playing tricks on me or some shit,” the man replied, still chuckling a bit. Kristin laughed along with him, and the man’s expression turned into something both mildly terrified and hopelessly endeared.

“What’s that look for?” Kristin asked, head tilting to the side in confusion. The man flushed slightly, and the crows’ caws took on a more teasing tone.

“Your laugh is uh- kind of unsettling, echoing through the void and all. But it’s also kinda charming in a way,” the man said with a bashful smile. The crows’ caws grew louder as they seemed to heckle the man, and he swatted at them in annoyance, muttering something about how he was not blushing.

“I think you’re kind of charming too,” Kristin said sweetly. That sent the crows into a tizzy, and the man’s expression lit up with a grin. Kristin decided she liked seeing the birdlike man smile.

“My name’s Philza, most people call me Phil though,” he said, reaching out his hand for half a second as if he intended to shake Kristin’s hand, but then promptly realized that he couldn’t even see Kristin’s hands. She chuckled good-naturedly, then drew herself up from the void to be more level with Phil. He was much smaller than she had thought, in fact her hand was bigger than his whole body.

“I’m the Queen of the Void, but if I were to know any people, they’d call me Kristin,” she replied, holding out her hand to Phil. He flew back a bit in surprise, then gave a sheepish smile and reached out to awkwardly pat her finger instead of attempting to shake her hand.

“It’s lovely to meet you- hold on, let me find an opening up there to rest on, my wings are getting tired,” Phil said, beginning to glide away.

“You can rest on my hand if you’d like! I promise I won’t pull you into the void, you’re the first person I’ve spoken to in… well, ever, I think,” Kristin offered, holding out her hand palm up. A few of Phil’s crows flew to rest in her hand, cawing up at her in greeting. Phil looked a little skeptical still, but seeing as his crows were alright, he flew down to sit cross-legged in her palm.

“Thank you. I get tired a little quicker when I’m away from the sky,” he explained.

“Then why come down here at all?” Kristin asked. Phil shrugged.

“I was exploring, saw an opening to the void and decided to explore. In all my traveling, I’ve never seen access to the void through the Overworld,” he replied.

“But you’ve seen the void before?”

“Yes, when I was very young. The place I came from was just an island in the void.”

“Then why are you here? In the ‘Overworld,’ as you put it,” Kristin asked. Phil frowned in thought, a dark, mournful expression taking over his face for a few moments before he shook his head. “It’s… a long story,” Phil said, something dark taking over his previous cheerful tone.

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to, I didn’t mean to pry,” Kristin said hurriedly, something in her stomach twisting uncomfortably at making her new friend upset. Phil patted her hand reassuringly, giving a weak smile.

“It’s alright, I just don’t talk about it much… mostly because I don’t have many to talk about it to. Anyway, something… bad had happened, on the island. I don’t remember much, but what I do know is that people had come in big ships and attacked my home. Myself and some others managed to fly away to try and escape through the portal the people had made to get to our world… but I was the only one that made it out before something happened on the other end, and the portal shut down,” Phil explained, the smile he had managed before slowly slipping off of his face as he talked. One of his crows resting on his shoulder hopped over to nuzzle his cheek, and Phil gently scritched the bird’s head with a wistful smile.

“I’m very sorry to hear that. It’s terrible, what happened to you,” Kristin said, wishing there was something more she could do than just offer condolences. Phil merely shrugged.

“Not your fault, not mine either. It just… happened, I guess. For a while I tried to find a way back, tried to relight the portal or find a different one- but no luck. Decided to just travel and explore instead,” Phil said.

“Sounds like a rather lonely adventure,” Kristin replied.

“Oh it’s not that lonely, I’ve got my crows after all. They just sorta started following me around- I’m pretty sure they think I’m a giant crow, since they call me ‘Dadza’ sometimes,” Phil said with a chuckle. The crows squawked indignantly, seemingly arguing among themselves and with Phil.

“They talk?” Kristin asked, frowning as she listened to the crows a little closer, but couldn’t make out any words amongst the chaos.

“I mean… not exactly, but I do understand what their caws mean,” Phil explained. Kristin raised an eyebrow.

“So… you are a giant crow, then,” she said with a wry smile. The crows ceased their argumentative cawing for a moment to look at Kristin, then back at Phil, before they started a ruckus of excited caws.

“Look what you’ve done, you’ve gone and encouraged their chaos,” Phil huffed, crossing his arms and looking very disgruntled as a murder of crows hopped and fluttered around him, cawing in excitement all the while. Kristin couldn’t help it- she laughed.

“Sorry. I did think you were a bird when I first saw you down here,” Kristin said sheepishly.

“Well… you’re not wrong, I am birdlike in some ways, but I think a giant crow is a bit of an oversimplification,” Phil replied.

“But an accurate oversimplification,” Kristin countered with a grin. Phil threw his head back and groaned, although it morphed into a laugh at the end, and Kristin couldn’t help but join in and laugh as well.