#dysfunctionals trying to function

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

Late night visit, aka when you shouldn't be seeing each other anymore.

[cyber-aster]

thought of doing some intros for the components of the fragmentation AUs but the baseline ones are pretty close to their canon description so im shifting gears to the sg one

introducing the SG Aerialbots of the Fragmentation AU! this SG runs on 'pretty much opposite of baseline' and thinking about some of them make me snicker just by how weird they are.

sg silverbolt: treacherous for funsies. sabotages and even attempted to kill the other combiners in the base just because he finds it fun and likes the challenge. tried shooting defensor once and got locked in a jar for weeks. dunno if he has reached starscream level of comically absurd treachery, but he's at the very least getting there. pretty much lives in the brig/prison of the base because he is that big of a nuisance.

sg skydive: the only reason he would ever pick up a book is to throw it at someone. has no patience to try to plan out his actions and usually brute forces his way through every problem and battle even when it results in a lot of mechs getting hurt. unironically thinks that his usual tactics are pretty good even when it usually doesn't work. everyone else sees him as an idiot. he has no self awareness.

sg air raid: a coward that needs to be dragged to duty due to his strong fear of death. fights only because he is told to and is extremely stressed the whole time. when not on duty he hides inside his room, and considering how he was maimed or got caught in the crossfire of several fights within the base, his fear is not exactly unfounded.

sg slingshot: somewhat of a suck up people(?) pleaser, but considering the characters that are the sg autobots, he's doing so out of a strong sense of self preservation and ensuring that he himself is at least useful enough to not be scrapped given how unhinged some of his compatriots are. tries to convince his brothers to not do stupid things that might get them punished. has not succeeded once.

sg fireflight: a normal guy. so normal that he's just boring. treats the war with the same energy as the average person on a nine to five retail shift. has not reached baseline dead end's level of nihilistic apathy but generally does not care much about the war or anything happening around him. he's just going through the motions of your average war crimes.

[steveharrington]

mickey 17 didn’t fully stun me like i was hoping but i kinda can’t stop thinking about 18 saying he hates 17 and 17 saying but… im you…. and 18 saying im not you. WOW

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Fuck man, the executives aren't functioning worth a damn today

[red-moon-at-night]

Its the weekend yay yayyyyy *collapses into a puddle of exhaustion* now how to I stop my brain from spinning at 500000000 miles a minute

[a-concert-just-for-me]

If I could just go back to feeling that first 1-2 month experience of being on focalin oh my god

[kittycloverprince]

.

[thedepressexpress]

listening to upbeat music while crying at having to complete a basic task so that the silliness of the situation forces me to laugh but I still get to cry and the task gets done I have solved life everyone can die now

[scarefox]

My therapists still suggest me that I should tell my dad (with on-off narcissistic traits) about some stuff I don't tell him atm. (me being in a mental clinic since few weeks, me being jobless and currently live from welfare and me going into personal insolvency to get rid of my student loan the next 3 years)

I know they want to release that burden from my shoulders (as if that's my only problem with him) and stop protecting the marriage of my parents. They also suggest that I do him wrong for keeping my "top secrets" from him... I told them a few times that he's a bit narcissistic, very "only his opinions are right and everyone else is stupid and wrong". He's verbally hitting all around like a child when he's pissed.

idk I kinda don't want to hide it from him since I am not ashamed of the things and I kinda don't care what he thinks. But is it worth it to open that box just to test drive my conflict abilities? (which are none especially when it comes to him). It doesn't just hit me but also my mom and everyoneelse who annoys him when he's pissed. In the good version he will shrug it off and put it in his overflowing mental box of all the things that go wrong and disappointing in his life. Or it will bother him so much that he will hold me a monologue about how much I fucked up and can't do anything. And then do the same with my mom when I leave. And then he will butt in and try to tell me again what to do and who not to trust. I might tell him about some stuff after I managed it on my own.

I keep it to myself to atm to have my peace and keep my mom out of that too (since she knows about my secrets, he will feel left out). AND to not stress him too.

I absolutely don't get why my therapists try to push me into basically apologising to my dad, a narcissist, for hiding stuff from him. When it's because of him that I can't trust him to stay fair, reasonable and not hurting me or my mom verbally when he's spiralling into his fears and anger. He himself is mentally unwell but untreated.

I wrote my mom about it now too and her response is "it's your decision if you want to deal with that stress."

And tbh... no, I don't want to.

Having secrets from him actually makes me feel more independent in a way. Because it is my stuff only I have the saying about.

[enqueter]

I'm really really sorry for disappearing for so long and thank you SO much to the people that've been patient with me. I haven't been feeling too hot lately to put it mildly, but I think I'm starting to feel better. I'm trying to crawl out of it, at least. Hopefully I'll be active again soon. MIGHT be on a new blog though, idk

[furyisms]

Finally got around to making some new icons for Liss. I made a few of the ME3 ones before I left for my trip, but I’ve finally managed to finish some ME1 ones and plan to work on some more this week.

[bee-whistler]

Here’s a thought… how about we make the chore chart and if someone misses their turn we tell them in a respectful manner instead of being a martyr and doing it yourself and muttering about how lazy they are… to ME?

How about we come downstairs and clean the dishes we’ve left to soak and put them in the dishwasher so the martyr isn’t set off in the first place?

How about we say ok and just do our part without moaning about having to clean up after other people when we find out we’re just gonna each take a day and do the dishes that day?

How about we just stfu and help? The household is all over 17, dangit. Quit acting like babies!

[crystaltoa]

And now for something completely different.

This is the ADHD Teapot. I made it in a ceramics class a few years ago. I use it to explain executive dysfunction to people who haven’t come across the term before (and those who think of ADHD mostly as Hyperactive Eight Year Old Boy Syndrome).

So, most people’s brains are like a regular shaped teapot with a single spout. Let’s say that your time, energy, focus etc is the liquid you have in the teapot. Your executive function is the spout, that directs the tea into the specific cup you want to fill-aka the task that you’re meant to be doing. Spills happen occasionally, but generally most of the tea goes in the right cup.

If you have executive dysfunction, (a symptom of ADHD, trauma, autism, schizophrenia etc.) you have multiple spouts going in different directions. You can try pointing one of them at your chosen cup and you will probably get some liquid in there, perhaps you will even fill it right up (finish the task). But meanwhile, tea is also pouring out of several other places and not going where you want it. If you have another container nearby, perhaps some of it will end up in there. But quite a lot of it is going to end up on the floor and accomplish nothing.

And at the end of the day you’ll have filled one or two cups ( or sometimes not even one) compared to the five or six that somebody with the same sized teapot (but only one spout) has filled, and everyone wonders why you’re so bad at getting tea poured, and why you make such a mess in the process.

One day I’d like to spend more time learning pottery and create a really technically good fucked up little adhd teapot. But that’s a long way off since i currently live in the outback and the nearest pottery workshop is some 400km away. But I figure that for now, it might be a useful or interesting metaphor to somebody even in its rough draft form.

This post is the cup I filled instead of cleaning my house btw.

[wisteriaclaw]

lolll watch me finding out in real time that ive been holding myself hostage with anxiety for years instead of letting myself have downtime when i feel physically bad. thank you strattera ily

[digitalmidnight]

HAPPY 85TH ANNIVERSARY TO TOM AND JERRY

New oneshot fic: Pity

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62962702

“I didn’t know you could look uglier than you normally do.” Jerry was looming over him for once.

Tom tried to look as casual as he could, as if he chose to nap in the mud. “It’s the dry air. Horrible on my skin.” He didn’t get a smile. C’mon, that was funny enough for a sarcastic chuckle.

(Human Tom and Jerry, both stubborn beyond belief and only capable of showing affection through fighting and insults, have a hard time when Tom gets injured).

I also technically reached 100k words on my Ao3. Actual celebration when fic that was meant to hit it gets released.

[emersonschaos]

I appreciate that my mom is trying to help, but it seems I can’t handle questions or commentary in any form. Not just from my mom. I absolutely dread the questions and commentary that comes with being alive. I lived with my aunt for two years after college, and every single time I left the house felt like an interrogation. I didn’t go out often but do you understand how exhausting it is to be interrogated so often? Never mind that she never gave her nephew that also lived with us a second look.

It’s not like I’m ever doing anything questionable. The whole process of executive disfunction is just already so fucking exhausting. Attempting to order my thoughts enough to make even the tiniest decision, more often than not getting too frustrated and choosing something blindly just to have the decision made, gathering enough motivation to even start acting on said decision, never mind completely following through. Like how am I supposed to explain something to someone when I can’t even explain it to myself.

Now I know what you’re thinking: I don’t have to explain myself to anyone, but to that I say: do you even understand how ADHD works? Even if I completely ignore the commentary it will be on my mind all day long. And if I open my mouth - forget it - that’s a direct line to info dumping literally everything that is currently taking up space in my brain. So even the prospect of simply ignoring the questions and commentary is daunting. If I can’t filter myself, how am I supposed to filter outside input?

Now take this whole fiasco and apply it to literally ever fucking move I make. What I eat for breakfast, the jigsaw puzzle I’m hyperfixating on, not wanting to go on a walk, why I woke up late, why I haven’t made progress on anything that I so desperately need or want to do. I can only explain how the executive function or lack thereof is currently affecting my ability to function as human so many times.

All I’m saying is there’s a reason I’ve worn the same outfit every day for like 16 years.