#easy spirograph

[kelthoumrambles]

[dreamymaccready2287]

Glynda: You people need to sort out your goddamn relationships, I'm not paid enough for this.

Pyrrha: Oh come on Professor Goodwitch, surely it's not that bad-

Glynda: I TRIED TO GRAPH THEM AND IT ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE A FUCKING SPIROGRAPH

Ruby: What are you talking about? It's easy, I'm dating Weiss, Yang is with Blake, Pyrrha's with Jaune, and Nora's with Ren!

Ruby: Oh, but I'm also dating Jaune, who's also Ren's boyfriend, and Nora's dating Yang and Pyrrha, who's also with Weiss, and she has a thing with Blake, who is also seeing Ren, who's dating Jaune - wait did I already say that...? Um, what else... Oh! Blake's also dating Velvet from CFVY, who's dating her team leader, and I think Blake also has a thing going on with Jaune, it's honestly hard to tell. Oh, and Penny's dating all of us at once! She was very excited when we told her that was an option.

Nora: See, simple!

Jaune: Uh, Ruby? I think you forgot to mention SSSN and CMEN.

Glynda, face in hands: There's more?

Yang: It's called polyamory. Get with the times, girlboss.

Glynda: If the office betting pool wasn't built to handle it, it's immoral and unethical.

[americanpi]

Two

Summary: The Maid of Time and the Sylph of Space win an SGRUB session alone together.

Happy Femslash February 2025!

The Maid and the Sylph stood alone.

They were the last remnants of the trolls. Kanaya had decided not to repopulate the troll race after all their friends died. Though she had salvaged a Matriorb, she and Aradia knew that trying to recreate a population of trolls from two individuals was uncertain at best and unethical at worst. So Aradia Megido and Kanaya Maryam would enter the new universe as singular gods. They weren’t sure how they felt about this yet, but they knew that they had plenty of time.

The Maid and the Sylph stared at the door perched upon the victory platform, its handle adorned with a spirograph.

Defeating the Black King was an easy task, almost laughably easy after everything Aradia and Kanaya had been through with the destruction of Alternia, losing their friends, and the arduous process of dying and being reborn as gods. They sometimes wondered if it was even necessary for the two of them to attain the God Tiers, considering how easily the Black King fell to their power. Going God Tier was definitely not something either of them regretted, though. With only two players in the SGRUB session, they had to be as assured of victory as possible.

The Maid and the Sylph smiled at each other, both pairs of eyes weary but full of love.

“Ready?” Aradia asked.

“Together,” Kanaya responded.

Aradia nodded, and she and Kanaya held hands as they both reached for the doorknob.

They turned the doorknob together, and the door opened to reveal a lush, bright realm of colors and mayhem. The sky above was teal, and cobalt waves lapped at a beach of bronze rocks and gold sand. Jade strands of shimmering seagrass and schools of purple fish could be spotted beneath the rippling liquid. Rust cliffs jutted into the sea in the distance, and further inland from the beach, olive vegetation covered an expanse of rolling lime hills. Nestled in one of the valleys, an indigo pool lay calm, surrounded by violet and fuchsia flowers.

“It could have been worse,” Aradia said, blinking. “It could’ve tried to kill us instantly.”

“Not that it would have succeeded,” Kanaya quipped wryly. “Come on. Let us not leave our ultimate reward to the consorts and carapacians.”

“It would be morbid if this platform disappeared before everyone could come,” Aradia observed, looking around. “I hope everyone who wants to be part of the new world makes it through.”

“We’ve brought everything we can,” Kanaya said decisively. “Let’s go.”

“I’m with you,” Aradia said quietly, squeezing Kanaya’s hand, knowing that they’d have an eternity to get used to each other.

The Maid and the Sylph flew forward together, hand in hand as they won.

[charlesandmartine]

Monday 14th October 2024

Theatre day today at the tiny Drama venue within the Sydney Opera complex, so after 18,000 steps yesterday walking to the Spit, we thought it prudent to take it easy this morning. Necessary as well as prudent because precipitation is definitely in sight, if not far away. Well this is Spring after all. The schools have gone back this morning after their holiday and suburbia, usually quiet anyway, has returned to the hallowed cloisters of the norm. It's true we did get the whiff of a small party/ bbq yesterday but the Aussies don't make a fuss. It's also true, it seems, that instead of making a mess at home, convocations gather on grassy places by the beach; impressive table networks, mass catering equipment and food galore sufficient for the 5,000 mystically appear with no outward concerns for shelter but usually under trees seeking protection from the sun rather than rain as would be the case in the UK. As we crossed Clontarf Beach yesterday there were many such groups each having a very jolly relaxing time, well practised as though a very regular activity was taking place. The local authority amenity BBQs were also being fully exercised.

So this morning it was a book in the modest garden and for some, the Archers on catch-up.

After an early lunchtime egg and ham sandwich we set off on the 173X to the City, first stop Museum of Contemporary Art on Circular Quay.

I have to say that I must be a lapsed Modern Art appreciator. The first exhibition we innocently submitted to was by a 74 year old Contemporary Australian artist, Julie Rrap who possibly for the security or anonymity it offered reversed her given name of Parr. Julie's work expresses her interest in images of the body, especially the female body, mainly as far as I could tell, hers. The big screen showed herself sitting naked on a very big sheet of white paper holding a camera in one hand and a big stick of charcoal in the other. The aim of the game was to rotate and draw around various parts, hands, feet, legs and the stunning result was a very large scribble in a sort of spirographic form. Well that was good wasn't it! On the way into the area was a little sign which said there was adult content and the establishment would not stand for any lude or provocative behaviour. Moving on we came across a sort of patio made up of small tiles which you were invited to trespass upon. All the while there is a kind of drilling noise, regular but in pulses. Somewhat perplexed about the image I was to take away, I enquired of the attendant what the meaning was of the noise. I agree she said, it's SO annoying, it's been going on all day. They are doing some work in the next room. Oh I said, it's nothing to do with the artwork then? No, she said with inflection, and looked at me like I was an idiot.

We would have left there and then but it was raining so we wandered around some other idiotic displays.

Contemporary Art and me are on different planets.

Then it was to an early dinner before the show. We dashed through the rain to a very nearly closed food hall between the IBM office and Woolworths. Saving an Indian meal or two from a night in the bin, we secured two Rogan Josh and Chicken Tikka plates with nan bread, which was filling if nothing else. Sadly, due to the viscosity of the sauce and my careless eating habits, I ended up sharing memories of the meal encoded within the fabric of my shorts with my fellow theatre goers at the Sydney Opera House!

The billing for Julia said this 'In 2012, Australia's first female prime minister, Julia Gillard, gave a speech that sent shockwaves around the world'. Justine Clarke plays Julia Gillard in a powerful monologue representation of her premiership but starting her story from her early beginnings in Barry, South Wales. The influences of her mining roots, the stories of the 1960 disaster at Six Bells colliery, the 1966 tragic loss at Aberfan shaped her thinking for justice. Moving to Adelaide in 1966 as £10 poms, she determined to study law. The play builds us to the speech on 9th October 2012 when in parliament and as PM she has to both condemn the actions of the Speaker of the House, Peter Slipper, for making sexist, misogynistic comments in a text message, whilst ensuring that her position remained firm in a minority government. She was being attacked by the the leader of the opposition party in a no confidence motion by, Tony Abbott. The speech that sent shockwaves around the world turned the tables on Abbott, pointing the finger at multiple examples of hypocrisy, sexism and misogyny by Abbott himself! Brilliant play, brilliant performance by Justine and incredibly interesting subject even to someone from the Motherland. As she donned the red wig and slipped into the power jacket, Justine became Julia and boomed out the acclaimed speech. She took a standing ovation from all corners of the stalls.

Ferry back to Manly, then with 30 minutes to spare we thought how nice it would be to finish a great day out with a small beer in the Bavarian. Quarter past nine it was, sorry we are now closed they said, it's Monday! Wow, you Australians sure know how to party! Same for all the other pubs in town!

ps. Mince pies seen in Coles!

[tenaciouschronicler]

August 1 2024 2009

Lore dump! Lore dump! Lore dump!

We enter a new stage passing through seven blue spirographs to see Skaia, a blue world of clouds surrounded by and containing more spirographs. The music is almost a dreamy quality, one of bells, strings, piano and wind.

Nannasprite relays to John that beyond The Seven Gates lies Skaia, the core of The Incipisphere. This leads me to believe that if and when the rest of his friends join they too will surround Skaia. Think of it as moons surrounding a planet, just most likely equidistant in their placement.

Skaia is compared to a "dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential." Crucibles are used to melt and heat substances, mostly metal, to seperate it from impurities. In the case of metalwork, these substances are then used in the formation of other items such as blades. This makes sense when taking Nannas words into account. Reaching Skaia would most likely allow players freedom to create whatever they desire. She wont spoil the exact purpose or meaning however.

I did find another meaning that I think could also work in the context of Homestuck. From Merriam-Webster, "a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change or development." This is a more figurative meaning but it adds an interesting layer. My guess is reaching Skaia will not be easy and our characters will be changed greatly into their 'true potential'. Theres also the fight between Light and Dark which will probably be the crux of this change.

Regarding Light and Dark, Nanna has this to say, "forces of light will forever be charged with its defense, while forces of darkness will just as persistently covet its destruction!" We are then shown a 3x3 chessboard of Kings in an endless loop of checkmate at the center of Skaia. According to her, this stalemate has existed since forever until John arrived. Being removed from time with no outside forces of influence, this outcome will always occur regardless of the size of the board. Johns arrival has most likely disrupted this stagnant 'peace', giving way to the potential for one side to overpower the other. Which way the game will go is yet to be decided.

[realtorjamier]

A Guide to Hosting December Holiday Dinners!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Holiday celebrations are back in full swing and back in person. Hosting a holiday dinner party is a great way to reconnect with family and friends. December is the month to take a basic dinner party up a notch with Instagram-worthy, over-the-top décor and jolly fun!

If you need inspiration, Pinterest can be your most creative, stylish friend. Unfortunately, the deluge of digital images can also be overwhelming. Let us help you get a plan in place for your soiree, and then you (and your laptop and your favorite shopping venues) can take it from there!

Party Themes

Pick a vibe that matches your tribe. Do your friends prefer beer pong and nachos or are they drawn to a more sophisticated soiree with guests dressed in their Sunday best? Here are a few ideas for party themes that span the gamut between formal and informal. 

Holiday Movie Premiere

Focus on one particular movie, or a mixture of many. Playing movies in the background is an easy activity and offers introverted guests a comfortable socializing option. This party can be styled up or down, depending on your audience. Red carpet pizazz or pajamas and pizza. Invitations can be elegant stationery or cute admission tickets. The table centerpiece could be anything from the infamous leg lamp from A Christmas Story to fake snowballs a la Buddy the Elf. Dessert could include a gourmet popcorn bar. Let your imagination run wild with your favorite holiday movie ideas.

Gift Back

This year’s gift exchange could be a nostalgic nod with a philanthropic twist. Guests can bring new toys, games or books that remind them of their childhood (think Slinky, Lincoln Logs, Tonka trucks, Spirograph, etc.). Before adding each toy to the donation box, guests can share stories about why they have chosen to gift their item. These stories will make great conversation starters. The trick here is to make sure the toys are brand new and still appealing to kids! Fat Brain Toys offers new versions of popular toys from the 1920s through the 1990s.

Winter Solstice

If you want to be completely on point for this party, the first day of winter this year falls on Dec. 21, which is a Wednesday evening. But celebrating midweek is not absolutely necessary. What IS necessary, is that guests dress in their best winter white, and the party food and décor follows suit: white flowers, meringue-inspired delicacies, snowflake luminaries (doilies wrapped around glass jar candles), a gourmet hot (white) chocolate bar. Party favors could be gourmet marshmallows. You get the idea.

Pajama Party

This can be fun for families with children or you can do a grown up version. Either way, playing The Polar Express movie in the background — the dreamy story of a group of pajama-clad kids who end up on a train bound for the North Pole — will create the right atmosphere for this casual gathering. Don’t forget blanket forts (sized for adults with dimly-lit LED candles), junk food, karaoke, and group games.

There are countless party theme possibilities — Christmas Around the World, Ugly Christmas Sweater, Creative DIYs (wreaths, gingerbread houses, Christmas ornaments), Christmas Carol Karaoke, Holiday Trivia, Christmas in Vegas, Tropical Holiday with the Beach Boys’ Christmas Album, Holiday Talent Show. This list goes on and on.

To-do: The List

Once you have chosen your theme, it’s time to create your list. Live by your detailed to-do list.

Your master to-do list should have many subcategories including:

Guest list

Menu

Budget

Equipment rental

Music selections

Party decor

Grocery store list

Liquor store list

Party store list

Once your preliminary list is underway, it’s time to schedule tasks by creating a checklist and referring to a calendar. What should you accomplish one month before the party? Two weeks before? One week before? Two days before? This will help you eliminate much of the inevitable last-minute scramble and panic.

Simplify, streamline

Here are five tips to simplify and streamline your party:

Choose as many make-ahead recipes as possible.

If you plan to make the spirits bright all night, big-batch cocktails are so much easier than custom cocktails, unless you hire a bartender. Champagne punch in a beautiful punchbowl is not only easier but it also makes for lovely and festive décor. Make sure to include a fancy alcohol-free, and mark the difference with simple tent cards.

Rent or buy an inexpensive coat rack so that guests aren’t searching for their coats in a jumble on your bed at the end of the evening.

Have to-go containers available so you can send guests home with goodies. Table centerpieces and other holiday décor can also make nice take-home party favors.

Be prepared to wrap it up. We’re not talking about gift wrapping, we’re talking about how to gracefully nudge night owls to go home. When the party’s over, but your guests seem to be staying over, be prepared with subtle hints that it’s time to leave. Lower the music. Blow out candles. If they still won’t leave, yawn. Then start cleaning up.

One last way to make your soiree stand out and live on a little longer — take pictures throughout the night to share with guests in a follow-up thank you note and/or social media post. Celebrating together and then capturing these meaningful memories strengthens your friendships and enriches your life.

[seradae]

Well, I ended up rewriting some of my calculations in C# for performance, better numerical solvers (though god, I miss the convenience of scipy's fsolve()), and higher precision. Jupyter + C# is just a fucking dream.

Anyway, now that I can integrate bolt movement with finer timesteps without losing precision or tanking performance, I can get much more dialed in.

The bolts are now delivering all the necessary momentum to keep the platforms in place (which was, shockingly, the easy part), and only off by 24m and a velocity delta of 0.066m/s across a distance of 5859644 meters (from one platform to the "next", though it would be skipping several in what I'm calling "spirograph pseudo-orbits).

That may seem imprecise, but it's the equivalent of throwing a dart 3100 meters (or 2 miles) and hitting a bullseye. Plenty close for my calculations.

Designing what is essentially an in-orbit particle accelerator, where your particle stream is made up of iron cylinders turns out to not be trivial. Who'da thunk it.

[fayoftheforest]

Fay's Fic Rec Friday #2

It was so lovely to see the positive response to last week’s prompt both here and on Twitter! I’ve now created an AO3 Collection where I’ll be bookmarking every fic rec’d by you guys, so that it’ll be super easy for you to filter and peruse it when you’re next looking for something new to read! Anyway, here we are, back for round two B)

This week’s prompt is: Share an ancient and sacred text from the fandom's early era. (AKA, a fave fic published before 2015!)

For me, I’ll nominate Fell In Love With A Dead Boy by Spirograph, from all the way back in Ye Olde 2006. This is a K2 fic told in a series of 20 vignettes, centred around Kenny’s experiences with death and immortality. It's so damn beautiful, you guys T-T I reread it just now and oh my gosh, the ending will never fail to make my heart swell up with joy. It’s gentle and slow paced, and carries that sweet, heady sense of nostalgia that that certain special kind of South Park fic embodies. I'm sure someone recommended this fic to me last summer when I was on a K2 binge, but I cannot for the life of me recall who, and it’s driving me a bit mad. Whoever you are, I am eternally indebted to you <3

Do you have any early-era fics that you believe deserve to be treated like a holy artifact? If so, then please do share them in the reblogs, tags or replies! :)

[ganymedesclock]

What do you think a boss battle against the Hunter would look like?

It's very hard to say because we don't have a good sense of the Hunter's capabilities and what is implied would be tricky to convert into a non-frustrating boss fight! We know he has a devastatingly powerful bite and a large jaw, and he also seems to favor quick ambushes (able to get the drop on swift entities like Hornet) so I almost feel like if you fought him, it'd be in an arena where he pops irregularly in and out of the foliage during his attack pattern and is only present/damageable for odd occasions.

This would also work in the way that in-game enemies 'train you' for the bosses, so you'd have to adapt Moss Charger tactics for the Hunter. Possibly also invoking some Fool Eater tactics where he doesn't always surface and charge, but will sometimes lunge and bite from below? That may be the most reliable time in his attack pattern to damage him, requiring you to identify the warning signs of him surfacing and dash to the side.

Possibly also shade-dash requiring considering his attitude means any particular battle would probably be to the death and mechanically that'd mean this fight would need to be available post-hunter's mark. (possibly him acting on his dream nail dialogue of hoping you'll come back and try to hunt him?)

Yeah, so I like this. You fight him in a densely overgrown area past where he's usually encountered and it has thorns around the outside of the arena. There's multiple hollows that he'll charge either towards the screen (small area) or across the arena (large area) from and he'll also occasionally lunge from either underfoot or above, using his arms to sweep and grab so to escape it you have to use the shade cloak to pass through his arms. Once he makes a vertical lunge you can damage him, or get a hit or two in while he's charging by either being right to the side or pogoing on top of him.

To beef this up to be a proper late-game bonus boss, the possibility that he deploys traps, like pulling webbing around that you might get caught in or have to destroy? He'd definitely be a two-masks-of-damage-on-every-attack kinda jerk.

For a nonlethal/more ambiguous option he could be a dream boss, where fighting him is fighting how he's dreaming of what you might be capable of, and leaves him feeling ambiguous about whether what he just experienced was a dream of an ultimate hunt, or a yearning to not be alone. I like that, because it means that the big reward of fighting him would be Essence, when his dialogue for the Hunter's Mark suggests he is putting his hopes and dreams on Ghost as his true successor. Also it'd be an easy way to signal that the fight is available; after obtaining the Hunter's mark the Hunter is asleep and the familiar spirograph motes are visible.

[tsaritza-mika]

The Main Six LI’s as YouTubers!! Because why the hell not!?

Nadia

Nadia has a few things on her channel, and it keeps her image very intriguing to her subscribers

MAKEUP TUTORIALS!!!

This woman can work with any skin type and tone in the damn rainbow, and she proves it every damn day!

Often has Asra and Portia over to demonstrate different skin tones and types

Nail art anyone?

Videos on current fashion trends and making your old clothes work for newer fashions. It’s very frugal for those who may be tight on cash

Also well known complex puzzle solver! Subscribers and professional puzzle builders send her things to try and solve. Her favorite ones usually take many varying methods to figure out a single phase before unlocking the next

Will also do time lapse videos of her own mechanical creations!

She waited until after gifting Portia a three-foot music box to post the reaction video

Asra

Anybody watch Snake Discovery? Because Asra would be that!

Loves that special time of year when all the new clutches are ready to hatch and he and Faust can welcome them into the world!

Tips on proper housing, feeding, and reptile care

Explanations on the hows and whys of snakes and various other lizards he’s come to know on his own, and with Faust’s help!

Bo-Ho pottery? Jewelry and homemade clothes? Damn tootin’!!

Time Lapse and ASMR vids of him making his own stuff to sell on his Etsy!! Rent won’t pay itself

TRAVEL BLOG VIDS!!!

Cool places he’s traveling now, where he’s been, souvenirs with stories, and how time consuming it is to get through customs

FOOD REVIEWS!!! From the weird to the fashionable, from the savory to the salty and even to the sweet, Asra’s got your international foodie hookups, and you’re not gonna want to miss a second!

Julian

Honestly, he’s probably done it all, but he has his staples

A new vid every week where he watches a new episode of whatever medical show he’s working thru/random movies with a lot of medical references and corrects the bad medical shit they have on tv/movies

Are you fascinated by weird medical history? Well you came to the right place!

Dating Sims and how to unlock every character and special ending

SURGEON SIMULATOR!!!

Anyone for a dance video? The man has the moves and will put his money where his mouth is! Wanna learn how he does those fancy moves? Just catch his instructional video at the end of the week with surprise guests! Who will it be? Depends on the moves! Stay tuned!

Living with a Corvid and how to properly care for the little shit!

Has videos reviewing pretty much every drink at Starbucks and which he would recommend for the season

LINDSEY STERLING LEVELS OF MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT!!!

This man will pull out all the stops for his music videos! Originals, covers, there’s nothing he won’t play! Be sure to check out his album this September, available on iTunes, Spotify, SoundCloud, and Amazon! Move quick and get the special signed editions with limited copies!

Muriel

Ever see those videos of the guys who literally wander off into the wilderness and build mansions out of nothing but dirt and palm fronds? Yeah, that’s Muriel

He doesn’t talk in them, he just turns dirt and mud into cool 1-2 person dwellings, often with a small pool and running water

Wood carving time lapse videos and what tools are best for different levels of detail

Leather working for long-term wear and weather protection

Foraging and making meals from scratch

INANNA CAM!!! WATCH HER SHE’S WONDERFUL!!!

Deep forest w/ fireplace ASMR and sleep and meditation sounds

Protective charms w/ Asra and how to make them so they work against goats... or whatever else might be bothering you!

Portia

My GOD the things Portia has done for her channel! Hers is definitely the most eclectic of the group, but they’re all just so her!

Want some supernatural stuff? Portia’s got it, and she’s ready to get spooky! She’ll read from either her own story collection, Creepy-pastas, or viewer recs. Three times a month join her for some Tarot readings, divination, or classic Ouija board spooks in a collab with Asra!

Remember the beginning of Tangled? Yeah, Portia does all of that! And there’s a video for all of it!!

Cleaning and gardening tips, candle making, games of all kinds!

Ways to tame that crazy, curly mane and other cool hairstyle collab vids with Nadia!!

Cottage core ASMR w/ purring sounds provided by Pepi!

Anyone for some classic Nevivon cooking? Portia’s got you covered, and she’s making a new dish every week with special appearances by everyone’s favorite salty Grandmother, Mazelinka!

Lucio

Lucio’s unboxing vids are the envy of the internet~! What doesn’t he get in the mail to unbox? It’s like X-mas every day when you get a new box of cool mystery swag!

Makeup and fashion collabs with Nadia

Dance and musical collabs with Julian

His most surprising hobby? Gold-leaf, duh! He’s got surprisingly fancy handwriting, and besides, there’s never enough gold!

Do you love dogs? Of course you do! You’d have to be crazy to not love M&M! Dog park and play cams!

Hell, why not! You just love animals? Every week take a walk with Vesuvia’s biggest collection of albino animals and meet a new one in every video!

Spirographs? ....yeah, spirographs. They’re easy, they’re fun, and just look at all the colors!! We’ll add more gold though. There’s never enough anyway.

Your favorite Count demands cookies!! Collabs with Portia trying to teach this disaster how to make his favorite snacks and sweets! Special appearances by his new best friend, the STOVE SALAMANDER~!!!

[pastelrainbowflower]

The Triforce a la Spirograph

This was my response to an art challenge posted by “pinkythepink” of DeviantArt.  The theme was “Zelda”, as in “The Legend of Zelda”.

I may not be a big fan of the game, but apparently she is.  However, I do happen to know about the Triforce that Princess Zelda and her guardian Link use to keep the Kingdom of Hyrule in peace:

🔴 = Power

🟢 = Courage

🔵 = Wisdom

And thanks to a Spirograph sett I have, they were pretty easy to make...and apparently more beautiful.

Hope you like this as much as she does.

Triforce/Legend of Zelda © Nintendo

Spirograph © Hasbro

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-09-15

This caught me laaaate at night gosh I’m tired but I’m gonna get it outta the way so it won’t stick in my craw!  Already saw the first page, so it’s time for:

> CHAPTER 13. The Funeral

Church with chess symbols at the peaks and a Prospit/Derse or Hope/Rage split color theme on the stained glass windows.

JANE: Dearly beloved...

> (==>)

Trolls, humans, and papparazzi.  Oh, hm, this church is RATHER carapacian isn’t it?  Between the chess and the continuing Prospit-Derse themes, like how this corresponds to how they align in the incipisphere top-left to bottom-right if I recall:

(Minus the outlying orbs to the left and right for symmetry.)

That twisted pattern is interesting, and not quite a spirograph.  Is that gonna be important later?  If we’re going to get some sort of class chart later in the comic, it’d be easy for them to hint at the chart’s graphical structure subtly by dropping it places like here.

JANE: Ladies... JANE: Gentlemen... JANE: News outlets... JANE: And other valued members of the Human Nation State.

Technically true, but still odd to hear--  ...oh right, I forgot this was asshole dictator-wannabe Jane, too.

I read an interesting twitter thread recently about the intense psychological distinction between wanting to BE the best, and wanting to be TREATED like you’re the best.  Epilogues/HS^2 Jane is kind of written as a case study on the pitfalls of leaning on the latter instead of the former.

> (==>)

They brought Yiffy WITH them-!?  --Oh right.  The hostage exchange was supposed to happen here wasn’t it.

Yiffy definitely looks like a Harley-Lalonde daughter in this shot.

JANE: Gamzee Makara, High Court Jester, exalted saint of the purple veil, has left us to traverse that grand, gay carnival in the sky, where, I am told by various members of the clownly cloth, he will spend the rest of history, honking in grand tribute to the Mirthful Messiah.

SINGULAR???

Weird.  Is it because Alt!Callie “won” here?

Or is Jane just forgetting because she’s culturally used to monotheism (ironically) and is insensitive.

JANE: And my first memory of our Purple Prince, was his robust codpiece--

Wow.

> (==>)

JANE: --As he offered me his friendly support, along with the sacred blood of his brethren, the holy sacrament--

He STILL killed trolls??! (EDIT: No, a friend points out that she's talking about when she met him first in Act 6 and he tried selling bottles of troll blood to her. EDIT2: -which may be another inconsistency, since Vriska supposedly overwrote that post-retcon.)

> (==>)

It takes Jake a few seconds of puzzled eye contact before he catches exactly what it is Yiffany is tossing down. In his defense, he is distracted by his wife’s speech, which is doing the emotional equivalent of wringing him out like a wet towel, before using that towel to slap the sweaty buttocks of a large, odorous man. Even if he knows everything she’s saying is a load of horsefeathers, it does nothing for his composure to hear her heap praise on that smelly, homewrecking clown.

Bad things about Gamzee deserve to be said here, yes.

Jake wonders what she’ll say about him, at his own funeral.

Now those are some uncomfortable thoughts.

He narrows his eyes in Yiffany’s direction. She’s a lovely girl, really. He wishes he could have gotten to know her under better circumstances. He’d known she existed, of course--Jane had complained about her often enough--but they’d never had much chance to get acquainted. He rather believes her and Tavvy would have been fast friends.

Then again, perhaps it’s better that she never had much of a chance to get to know his family.

He lets go of the leash.

Yep, there’s a plan to set in motion that he’s probably already discussed with her privately.  Gotta unite this four-kid team after all.

> (==>)

Wait, are you ATTACKING?!?  --Of course you’re attacking.  You would even if the plan was something different, wouldn’t you.

JANE: And I know that at times like these it is easy to want to give in. JANE: To throw in the towel, and turn our faces away from the light of democracy and moral fortitude that we, the citizens of the human kingdom, are blessed with from birth. JANE: God knows I’ve had my own faith tested in the last few weeks.

Jesus Christ, what has she turned the place into, a fucking theocracy?

She sounds like the leader of some screwed-up, fundamentalist country!  Like the United States!

*rimshot*

JANE: As many of you know, I did not grow up with the same privileges that all of you enjoy.

Jesus.

JANE: I was born on proto-Earth, that half-finished dystopia mangled by the ravages of foolish leadership and endless war.

Jesus, she really IS a self-evident takedown of hypocritical entitled political figures.  With the bonuses having Jasprose explicitly ADDRESS said entitlement to make things even clearer cut.

JANE: And as for Gamzee, well, his upbringing was even worse. JANE: He was born to a violent and uncaring home, a lonely child with few natural gifts.

...Some natural gifts and status.

> (==>)

She’s just, shaking with fury here isn’t she?  And about to perform an impressive corpse-lob.

JANE: It would be simple to let this disgusting, vile, SHAMEFUL act of spiteful revenge turn us away from the blinding light of the sword of justice that hangs over us all--

This sentence seems suspicious so I’m quoting it to refer to later if I need to, but is probably just platitudes.

> (==>)

JANE: Poised

> (==>)

JANE: Trembling

Okay maybe the sword’s a dick, but what exactly is Yiffany doing??  I’m finding it difficult as usual to tell between some of these image transitions.

> (==>)

JANE: Ready to burst forth--

Bad PR to shock-collar a kid mid press junket.  (Very dicks description.)

> (==>)

Click.  (Did they swap the shock function with Jane’s necklace somehow, that’d be fun.)

JANE: I want to give up, at times. I understand your pain.

While shocking a kid?  GREAT PR.

> (==>)

JANE: I sympathize with your pain.

Wow, those horrified audience members.  She REALLY can’t even see herself anymore can she?  Not even hear herself.  And they’re making sure this is pointed out to EVERYONE watching.  They described this as in large part a PR campaign to defeat her, didn’t they?

> (==>)

Great furious businesswoman-villain look, that art.

JANE: But when that pain! Becomes too hard! To endure! JANE: Remember poor, lifeless Gamzee! Who suffered pain far worse than any of us could ever fathom! JANE: THE PAIN OF BETRAYAL!

Click click click.  This is a fun sequence.

> (==>)

DIRK: Dude, didn’t you lower the voltage on that shock collar? DIRK: Little Red isn’t looking so hot. JAKE: Yes of course i did but the damn doohickys got the kick of a donkey! JAKE: I couldnt remove it completely shed know i was the one who did it! DIRK: Well, if that supervillain cuntwaffle doesn’t stop, she’s going to kill her. Not really the best at hostage management, is she.

Decent plan.  (And of course Dirk would pull out the word cunt.)  When’s the cavalry coming?

> (==>)

JANE: But we cannot allow his memory to be in vain! JANE: For Gamzee Makara taught us that even the most loathsome degenerate can take their place in society. JANE: All they need is the right redemption arc - !

Trying to hammer home some of the Epilogue’s trolly-critical themes a little less bleakly, I take it.

I kind of like the violent vibration in ALL of these gifs in a row.  It makes the scene seem small, slow, teeth-clenching but still full of steady action, emphasizing the importance of the relatively small events from panel to panel while giving them the sense with the animation of them being [i]drawn out[/i] and tortuous instead of just “occurring”.  It feels that way to me, anyway.

> (==>)

If he got up alive here, that’d be hilarious.  (Presumably he’s been treated and done-up like a normal funeral body, not “dormant” and undecaying like a dead god-tier.)

> (==>)

CORPSE PUNT w/ CLEATS

> (==>)

That face is just.  I love that face.

> (==>)

SHE MAD

JANE: Young lady, I am just about at the end of my rope with you. JANE: Throw all the dog bowls you want at the walls of my warship. JANE: But don’t you dare act up in front of a JANE: Live JANE: Fucking JANE: Newsfeed! YIFFY: Grrrrrr

What did you expect to happen?  Do you expect to shout her down from this, Jane?

JANE: After everything I’ve done for you--paying for your education, helping your parents cover up your existence from the world! JANE: Just imagine what Rose and Jade would say if they could see you now, even dissidents can have a little decorum! JANE: Get down from there at once! YIFFY: Grrrrrr

But this is GAMZEE.  --I guess it’s seriously disrespectful to his followers, though.  Still.  If you wanted civility from her, a shock collar, leash, and food bowl wasn’t the way to go about it.

JANE: Don’t you threaten me, young lady. Not today! YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR

What is your PLAN even, Jane?  You’ve completely disregarded her.

JANE: There’s nowhere for you to go. My agents are swarming this church. Be reasonable, Yiffany. JANE: Ugh. JANE: Disgusting name. JANE: But that’s hardly your fault. You were always just a footnote. Your parents’ little prank. JANE: Honestly, that’s why I helped them all those years ago! I do love a good jape. JANE: But let’s be serious. JANE: You don’t matter. If you did, they would have come for you already.

Can all the press hear her being such an asshole?

Okay, stereotypically, their arrival should be the next couple panels:

> (==>)

Jake, do something useful like hoping harder.

> (==>)

And she knocks the remote away.  Excellent.

And she does. Seemingly at the end of her tolerance for insults toward her name, social status, and heritage, Yiffy performs an impressive backflip off the podium and down onto the church floor. One that, if it hadn’t been happening amidst a sea of other newsworthy events, would surely have ended up on someone’s instagram story within thirty seconds. She gives Gamzee’s corpse one last parting kick: a hard, proper kick that proves those cleats aren’t just for fashion. Although they are certainly also for fashion.

Good, good.

He vanishes into the seething crowd, and we are confident that we will never have to deal with this asshole ever again.

God damnit.

> (==>)

Jake watches this from a safe distance, poised on the edge of intervening to pull Yiffy out of there. But in the end he doesn’t have to. Instead he watches in admiration as she tears the place to utter shreds. An echoing sympathy swells inside of him as she rends apart the funeral flowers and punts Gamzee into the shrieking congregation. Here is a girl who felt the cold, indecent hand of fate wrapping around her, and instead of submitting to it and slowly sublimating down into morasse of boiled doormat, she slapped it away from her with a lively oh, no thank you.

All at once, Jake feels immense affection for his granddaughter. He hopes the two of them can make up for lost time.

Lessons belatedly learned, but learned nonetheless.

> (==>)

JANE: Enough of this. JANE: Seize her!

Kind of Red Queen of you.  (Are those stained glass windows in back of the frame about to burst?)

> (==>)

Yep.

The stained glass window shatters inward, obliterated to stardust. The war is knocking.

Even attacking a disgusting faith’s church is pretty bad form, though.

Tired and busy, seeya next upd8.  <3

[lrtsilverknights]

Going to the game with a hand wash and mask Swapping the Bovril for hot tea in a flask Co-vid volunteers with precision they zoom The clubhouse is spotless, elbow grease and broom Aye it feels different but we’re back at the match And its still flippin football and for that we give thanks Digital programmes and cashless ticket sale We all live in a socially distanced bubble this is how the fans will remain. The Silvers’ season has begun and all together we will make it fun. Track and Trace at every game so we can all enjoy football again. Good luck to our boys for 2020: a year we will remember when face masks became trendy. Welcome back Silvers: it’s been a tough year for everyone but we are back and ready to impress and with a fantastic pre-season friendly display we have put ourselves in a good position for the season ahead. So today’s game was away against Redditch United on a superb 3G pitch. The September sun was with us as we kicked off at the later time of 12:30. 30 seconds in and the Silvers were looking sharp: a fantastic run from Archie through the Redditch defence took the ball to the bye line and he cut it back for the perfectly positioned Will to bury home for an early 1-0 lead. The football being played was just where we had left off pre-season - confident in every position. Gabe, Jack and Josh bossed the backline, leaving no cracks opened to make Jonty’s job nice and easy. Theo and Alfie were running rings around the midfield with Alfie’s quick fancy feet making easy work to pass the ball into space where Archie connected to whack the ball 100 mile and hour straight across the floor into the back of the Redditch net: 2-0. The Silvers were in the driving seat and looking comfortable to attack and create from all angles. Harley was next to make a move up the wing and as he spotted Will on a run, he fired a great long cross onto Will’s head which flashed just over the crossbar. Sam was on heading duty and never failed to connect with composure and precision, making sure the ball reached an awaiting Silver every time. Another magical moment followed as the Silvers drifted through the midfield like a knife through butter and Alfie tip-toed his way into the box to be brought to the ground by the Redditch defence. With Reagan not available, Jack stepped up and banged it straight in for a Silvers 3-0 lead. The boys had really settled into the game and made the gaffer and back room staff redundant. Chaz and Jasper were battling well on the wing, creating passes and finding Alfie’s feet who was taken down again for a Silvers’ free kick. Rightly so, Alfie found top bins with a lovely free kick to put the Silvers into a 4-0 lead at half time. I can only imagine that the Redditch coaches were stunned at our performance as the Gaffer’s grin was beaming from ear to ear. The second half was just as good but an unfortunate tackle in the box caused the Redditch forward to go down for a penalty. Jonty looked super cool in goal and only just missed it with his foot and was unlucky not to save it, so the Redditch boys had pulled a goal back, which in hindsight lifted the Silvers’ game. Ollie and Tom were menacing with their tackles and work rate and looked comfortable in possession. Theo was like a spirograph all over the page, putting himself into every mix. The game was flowing into the Silvers’ lap and a long goal kick saw Archie rise high and back header the ball and with Will’s pace he soon pounced on the ball with a cracking composed finish to make the score 5-1. Jasper was making some great runs and creating chances for the boys and with another Silvers’ attack Will found Harley in space who struck the ball low and skimming across the 3G into the bottom corner: 6-1. Redditch were looking deflated and Jack, Gabe and Josh were letting nothing through with a fine display, getting the ball back to the midfield and with all the effort of Theo’s runs he got his just desserts with a well struck goal and a fantastic 7-1 win for the Silver Knights. Wow! What a performance for the Silvers: a comfortable and conf

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 3: Insane Mindscrew Haymakers (Part 3)

FAILURE ARTIST: We cut to PM, WV, and AR in the far but not that far future. WV is trying to obey the letter’s direction to give the package to PM but AR keeps shooting. Yet WV and PM take cover behind a rock and WV is able to complete the task. The letter calls PM “Miss Mail Lady” so we now have a gender.

Back to Dream Jade. She flies to another golden tower and peers in on John sleeping. This bedroom is also defaced like his one in the waking world, plus there’s a creepy harlequin doll next to him. She isn’t sure if he got her present or if she even sent it, so she decides she’ll ask later.

CHEL: Dream John is fitfully asleep, but Jade intends to let him wake up on his own. Here, it’s established that Dream Jade does not know everything waking Jade does, as she decides she needs a system to remind her of things, which in the waking world she has (remember the COLORFUL REMINDERS).

The moon on which the city is now revealed to be placed is moving close to Skaia, the gargantuan sphere of cloudy blue sky mentioned by Nannasprite as the crucible of creation. Apparently it’s not safe to be outside during the “eclipse”, so Jade heads back to her tower.

FAILURE ARTIST: We cut to John alchemizing a bunch of stuff, some useful and some never to appear again. One of these things is a Cosbytop computer and that hasn’t aged well. John feels like it’s both his birthday and Christmas and though he thinks that’s impossible these pages came out a few days before Christmas. This fourth wall wink and nod comes up during another alchemizing frenzy.

CHEL: He contemplates a “1980s time-lapse montage” but instead we have to sit through him alchemising everything item by item.

GET ON WITH IT!: 12

Though he does come up with some useful stuff, including a rather snappy suit. By combining his glasses with the PDA he gets hands-free internet, and the sledgehammer, telescope, and Sassacre book together create the TELESCOPIC SASSACRUSHER, an extremely powerful weapon which unfortunately he can’t lift. Nannasprite’s ectoplasm and the gushers make healing candies, and ectoplasm, the fake arms, and the PDA solve the giant hammer problem by making REMOTE GHOST GAUNTLETS. One of the funnier items is a steam-iron-hammer he calls the WRINKLEFUCKER.

Dave, meanwhile, is STILL strifing with Bro, who apparently doesn’t notice or doesn’t care about the fact that the city is being flattened by meteors around them. Not doing a good job of showing “yes, this fight should be taken seriously”.

TIER: Neither does Dave for that matter, fucks given remains at a cool absolute zero on this roof.

GET ON WITH IT!: 13 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 6

CHEL: At least it’s captioned FINAL ROUND now. Surrounded by watching crows, Dave hurls himself at Bro, and their collision results in the snapping of Dave’s sword, the bisection of Lil Cal (hooray!) and, somehow, the splitting of the picture of the record on Dave’s T-shirt; not cutting the cloth, turning the picture of a whole record into one of a broken record, which it will remain for the rest of its time in the story. Lots of analysis has been done by fans about how this represents Bro’s abuse shattering Dave’s true inner self, but in the context, it just looks like even sillier cartoon physics than we already had, if one even notices it (in the rush of visuals it’s easy to miss the first time round). It probably doesn’t help that Bro never actually says anything (nor do either of the other living adults), so we don’t really know what his thoughts on the matter are.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 12

Dave goes flying, rolling and skidding across the roof, landing in a rather battered-looking heap but with no serious harm done, and Bro chucks the game discs at him and… flies off on a hoverboard which I guess he has? Yet again, not adding to a serious tone here. Are hoverboards normal in this universe? Like the sylladexes, it was never established. Dave messages John, matter-of-factly telling him “bro just kicked my ass”. It’s still unclear how literal John thinks this ass-kicking is.

BRIGHT: This is apparently a universe in which some form of combat with one’s guardian is apparently routine, so John might well be thinking of Dave’s strifes with Bro as just a more intense version of a normal practice. On the other hand, by that same token, there’s nothing at this stage to say it isn’t just a more intense version of a normal practice. In fact, both John’s and Dave’s reactions suggest this is the case.

The problem really comes later on. If Dave’s situation is going to be taken seriously, then so should everyone else’s. Right now, although there are suggestions that all is not well, the tone of the text takes none of these situations seriously. It keeps everyone on a more even footing.

CHEL: Back on the golden moon, the eclipse is happening; during same, the moon and Jade’s tower thereupon, which are chained to the planet, swing right inside Skaia, surrounding it with clouds. On the surface of the clouds, we see images of events which happened earlier, including John’s house in the Medium, Rose’s house aflame, the tree in the desert, and the meteors falling on Dave’s city. This, we gather, is from where Jade obtains her mysterious information!

Dream Jade types messages to John, while the Dreambot types them out on a keyboard in the real world so he can actually get them. We proceed to see the same conversation about the package and SBurb we saw when Jade was first introduced, but this time I think a recap of it is actually pretty useful, especially the reference to the explosion. What happens is a little hard to parse, but as far as I can make out, a cloud shows a vision of a meteor emerging from a space portal, and the meteor actually emerges from the vision, becoming a cloud in the process. Said cloud-meteor then passes into a vision of Jade’s island when the volcano was still active and strikes down as the real meteor did in that time period. Jade, in her tower, hears it; I guess this is why it’s not safe to go outside during the eclipse?

In the volcano vision, we pull into a close-up shot of the lava-filled crater beneath the volcano, and a very familiar featureless canine head starts to emerge from it. Creepy.

Jade leaves the tower to check, and finds a vision of the lava with a blossom-like lit-up spirograph emerging from it, but when she tries to look, vision-Bec blocks her view of it, as the real Bec flies back and forth in front of the Dreambot. She messages John again, saying Bec doesn’t want her to go near the meteor crash site.

In John’s dream tower, the bed is empty; Dream John is now hovering outside it, eyes firmly shut. Jade sees him and drifts toward him, while John’s eyes slowly open. (This bit fuelled a fair amount of shipping at the time.) We see again the shaped clouds and the slowly approaching silhouette of Jade, revealing this to be the time when John fell asleep earlier, and at the exact same moment, real Jade and real John awake.

Again, we have a repeated conversation, this one being the one where Jade implores John to wake up. Now we know what she meant! Again, I think recapping this is reasonable, but maybe it could have been trimmed down so we just got the important points? That should have been done with all the repeat convos, really.

TIER: Personally speaking the little blurbs of repeated conversation shown during the flash would've gotten the point across without having to completely rehash the conversations.

With Jade awake properly, we get another convo rehash (now with proper context from both sides). Jade then consults her COLORFUL REMINDERS, as the visions of past and future events visible in the clouds as she sleeps can get very confusing very fast and the things help her put everything into usable info! With is fitting because dreams are trippy and easily forgotten. Jade notes two things: that this time there wasn't that much of future being shown, and that this is the first time that her dog guardian Bec has shown up a dream.

Bec has apparently never let Jade wander into the weird temple that is such a strange landmark of her island, but with the overpowered pooch taking a nap at the feet of his master's corpse, this is a good a time as any to try and pull one over him!

As Jade zip lines towards the temple and Rose continues construction on John's house, we cut back to Dave in the aftermath of the strife.

Dave is slightly saddened by poor Cal's “unfortunate” bisection (personally I was hollering because fuck that thing Jesus). His strife kind has also been turned into a ½ bladekind, courtesy of Bro fucking up his shit blade. Fucking rude man.

BRIGHT: Fighting with half a sword never seems to hinder Dave, but it still seems a silly thing to do when Bro quite possibly knew Dave was headed into heavy combat. It’s funny at the time though!

FAILURE ARTIST: When I first read Homestuck, I was sad Bro didn’t seem to care about Lil Cal, but with later revelations...would be better if that puppet never existed.

TIER: Dave attempts to grab the beta that he worked so hard for, but wouldn't ya know it his dang inventory is all filled up. Mostly with useless crap, as Dave admits as well. After a quick setup change for his modus, Dave finally has the beta! Congrats!!

CHEL: *looks pointedly at GET ON WITH IT count*

TIER: While Dave attempts to pester her, Rose has finished building up John's house, which marks the end of how much more she can help John as his server player. There's not much else to do for her till Dave shows up. She's also nearly done with John's gift, that'll show him that Rose is the God King of, and I am quoting right now “facetious sentimental gestures”. That's a peculiar and slightly worrying sentiment to have. What an adorably wordy yet cheeky little goth.

With that, we jump back a few months into the past, when it was Rose's 13th birthday. She's opening a package from John (signed under his old handle ghostyTrickster) containing the gift of knitting stuff (yarn and knitting needles) and a very dorky yet endearing letter from the blue boy. What a goof.

Rose is then pestered by one of the trollslum inhabitants, this one by the name of grimAuxiliatrix! They type Like This, And I Think It's Very Neat. Also quite verbose this one. Like personally I kinda need to carefully read and reread their words to get what the fuck they're trying to get to. In this case, it's politely bitching about humans while weird time related fuckery gets explicitly name dropped. Mainly the weird situation that is the trolls being/not being from the future. It's as confusing as it sounds.

CHEL: I think here’s the first indication that the trolls aren’t just other humans. Meanwhile, notice that one of the names in the Trollslum is “centaursTesticle”. Lovely. That character will, as the handle suggests, be the source of a LOT of CALL CPA PLEASE points. But anyway.

GA: No We Arent From "The Future" GA: But We Are All Already In Agreement That You Dont Get It And Never Will TT: I thought you said we spoke in the future. GA: We Did GA: Your Future GA: For Me It Was Only A Couple Minutes Ago TT: I understand. TT: You exist in some temporal stratum through which you have communication access to various points of my timeline. TT: It's not that complicated.

TIER: While that confusing thing keeps happening, we jump on over to a younger Dave, whole record shirt and dumb not-Kamina anime glasses wearing. He too is opening a birthday gift, which consists of his iconic aviators and a letter as well. The letter is just as endearing as the one John sent to Rose. Might just be my bias talking concerning how much John is undoubtedly and unchallenged my favorite character overall.

CHEL: I think so too, but I’m still giving him a point for him telling Dave his “gay butt stinks”, even though he is a twelve-year-old boy - it never gets called out or presented as bad that the kids say -ism-based insults until near the end, and that part has its own problems which we’ll get to then. The rest of it’s cute though.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 11

I’d like to bring up another webcomic which is known for its incredibly offensive humour; R. K. Milholland’s Something Positive. Specifically, I’d like to contrast the offensive humour of it with the offensive humour of Homestuck. In S*P, the point of the offensive humour is that the characters saying or doing the offensive thing are horrible people who should not be emulated, and even they disapprove strongly of homophobic/racist insults. Here is one of the tamer examples, from 2003 (so later comics have no excuse). Please note the character saying all this is both very drunk and very frustrated by having read a lot of terrible writing at the time, and his decision to do this comes back to bite him later.

In contrast, the point of Homestuck’s offensive jokes seems to be that either offensive things are inherently funny or the writer doesn’t realise why they’re offensive.

John tells Dave he thinks he needs to get out of his brother’s shadow, showing no concern for Dave’s actual wellbeing; more evidence that either they don’t know about the strifes or don’t care. The gift John has given is the glasses worn by Ben Stiller, which John suggests could replace Dave’s current anime shades. John worries that they’re “sort of a shitty present”, which again makes me wonder about the Egberts’ financial status - we weren’t able to find an actual figure for them but those things would cost thousands, so what the hell makes him call them “shitty”? How much did Hussie think movie memorabilia cost? Name of the count aside, we’re using it for when their economic statuses are weird in general, so here we go again:

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 8

TIER: Dave too is dealing with a trollslum inhabitant, this one by the name of adiosToreador. It's around here that the trolls typing starts to get head tilt worthy. As Dave so eloquently puts it, toreador types like a tool. I mean, lOOK AT THIS, lOOK ME IN THE EYES, aND TELL ME THIS AIN'T RIDICULOUS.

CHEL: AT opens by telling Dave he’s awful, and Dave responds with frustration at having to deal with the trolls yet again. He complains that he’s “wasting good material on you guys” and that there’s no substance to their trolling; he also mentions one of them thinking he was a girl, which I think is the original source of the fandom’s popular female-to-male transgender Dave headcanon.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think it’s just that Dave is a popular character.

CHEL: I don’t know, it started well before the fandom started getting really enthusiastic about assigning identities to everyone, from what I saw, but maybe.

TIER: My two cents concerning this matter is that it's probably a combination of the two. Dave seems to resonate quite well with a great majority of the fans, so from what I've seen they more readily project onto him.

AT: i KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE, AT: oR WILL DO, aCTUALLY, AT: iT'S THE MOST AWFUL THING, tHE WORST YOU CAN EVER DO,

CHEL: The readers immediately start wondering what this thing is, but Dave is unconcerned, and immediately accuses AT of perving on him. Here is where the CALL CPA PLEASE count really starts to ramp up, because on one hand, yes it’s hilarious to watch the tables being turned, but on the other, this coming out of a boy who literally just turned thirteen that day is… uncomfortable for a lot of adult readers, especially since we know his home has obscene material lying around all over it and as mentioned before that can really mess up a kid, even if Bro was not in fact putting him in his movies directly.

TG: and i want to know exactly when i got to clear some space in my calendar for when some fuckwit blunders out of a magical phone booth and makes a ballad-inspiring play for my throbbing beef truncheon AT: sHOULD i BE PERTURBED BY THESE ALLUSIONS, TG: no man TG: look TG: i just need to know when to be there TG: when the stars come into alignment and your flux capacitor lets you finally sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund TG: i wouldnt want to miss it and cause a paradox or something TG: itd suck if the universe blew up on account of you missing your window of opportunity to help yourself to a pubescent boy's naked spam porpoise AT: uHHH, AT: oK, THIS IS SORT OF STARTING TO UPSET ME, CALL CPA PLEASE: 5

TIER: How many words does a 13 year old need for his private parts? Asking for a friend. I get that Dave is a little gremlin but holy shit y'all.

CHEL: To quote Hiveswap, “SOUNDS LIKE SETUP TO ‘RIDDLE’ OR PERHAPS ‘JOKE’.” Or maybe a really weird rewrite of “Blowin’ in the Wind” and I just realised the (in)appropriateness of that song title. Anyway, I’m giving one CPA point for each of those elaborate descriptions. AT, perturbed, announces his intention to leave, but Dave continues.

TG: we're motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch TG: you and me TG: welcome to nam TG: now grab my hand and shimmy your soggy ass off that muddy bank before charlie gets the fuckin drop AT: uHHH, wHO, AT: wHO'S CHARLIE, TG: hes the guy whos gonna read our vows TG: im feeling pretty friggin MATRIMONIAL all a sudden TG: take a look down by your foot see that little bottle TG: stomp on that shit like its on fire TG: noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs til someone gets hurt TG: im your 300 pound matronly freight-train TG: and my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling AT: oH MY GOD, CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 14 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 9

Hey, our first double point assignment! Two points for using the same racist joke again, as if it wasn’t offensive enough the first time. And another one for the fat joke.

FAILURE ARTIST: Lifting the newlyweds on chairs is a Jewish tradition so I guess Hussie’s antisemitism didn’t start this year.

CHEL: Isn’t stepping on a bottle a Jewish thing too? Does that count as more than one anti-Semitic joke or is it all part of the same one?

FAILURE ARTIST: Yeah, that’s also a thing. But I’d say it counts as one big joke.

CHEL: Does the Vietnam joke count as a separate one? I’m not sure what the general attitude to those is since about half of 20th-century British comedy revolves around WW2 jokes and no one minds those.

TG: thats what you see TG: a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together TG: radially effevescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine TG: turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong CALL CPA PLEASE: 7

CHEL: All the counts aside, I can see what Hussie was going for and the general idea’s still amusing, culminating in one of the funniest bits in the comic when all this leads up to adiosToreador [AT] blocked turntechGodhead [TG] - I think we’ve all wanted to be Dave here. I’m fully aware that this sequence was meant to be somewhat uncomfortable, but given that Hussie later tries to tell us that Dave’s home life scarred him for real, yet he presented this as funny, it adds to the general feeling of Hussie berating the reader for laughing at the comedy. I think he was just trying to pander to the woke side of the fanbase with that, but we’ll get to it when we get there.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 13

FAILURE ARTIST: We go to AIMLESS RENEGADE, who has finally run out on his clip without hitting anyone. Apparently, some nitpicker on the forum (not me) pointed out the AR’s gun is magazine-fed, not clip-fed, but AR doesn’t give a shit about that.

CHEL: “A clip is not a magazine, a mag is not a clip; neither is a grip a stock, and "stock" does not mean grip.”

FAILURE ARTIST: AR examines the murals and declares the amphibian and reptilian images illegal pictography. AR arms themselves with a rocket launcher but wonders if they should befriend WV and PM - particularly PM. However, AR decides the two have committed too many crimes that make AR’s carapace steam. AR dresses as a judge (to complement WV as a mayor and PM as a mail carrier) and declares order in the court. AR wants to go down the moving platform to catch WV and PM but it isn’t operating right.

Closer to present time, Jade puts her gift to John on top of the monument. The gift disappears, just as Jade planned. Back in the future, PM looks at her drawing showing where she’s supposed to go. The drawing seems to be inaccurate until the tower is shot down. It turns out AR accidentally launched a rocket at it. AR tries again to hit the criminals but is distracted by PM’s beauty. Instead, AR shoots the mobile station. WV throws a can of Tab and PM grabs the package in a clever callback to SBaHJ’s sock ruse comic.

PM gets the package to the Appearifier and Sendifies it into Jade’s toddlerhood, back when Grandpa was alive and shooting butterflies. Inside the package is a letter from John, a too-big t-shirt with a blue ghost on it, and pumpkin seeds. So we have the root of Jade’s friendship with John and the others and her interest in gardening. That’s a very elaborate time loop.

CHEL: Get used to elaborate time loops. Anyway, the letter’s painfully adorable again. John thanks Jade for her years of friendship and for being the reason he met Rose and Dave. He gave Jade pumpkin seeds because future Jade had been upset that her pumpkins kept disappearing so he wanted to help her grow more. Unfortunately his declaration that three people is “almost like, TOO MUCH FRIENDSHIP” was cute at first glance, but given how he has no contact with anyone but them that we see, it becomes a tad creepy. Did he not expect to ever have any friends, or more than one friend? The implication that Dadbert kept him locked in his room all the time is looking more and more likely!

We cut to a cartoon sound effect, WHOP, and You bear the vicious brunt of this story transition directly in the face, “you” now being Archagent Jack Noir. The sound effect is the result of Dad Egbert punching Jack in the face. Jack pulls a switchblade, but Dad retaliates by lighting Jack’s hated jester hat on fire, throwing it to the ground, spraying shaving cream on it, and stomping on it. Jack immediately sets Dad free.

Jade is instructed by the prompt to “Play guitar to summon giant lily pads”, which she does, and it works… somehow? I’m not sure how that happens. Anyway, she uses the lily pads to hop over to the frog temple, finding in it a wall covered in tiny lime green glowing symbols.

Cut back to Dave, who has finally succeeded in installing the beta, and not a moment too soon as Rose’s room is now full of red light, soon to be aflame. Rose is calm enough to join Dave in a SBaHJ joke, and we go into the act-ending animation, [S] Enter.

Dave dramatically sips his fortunately-really-apple-juice and draws cartoons as the game loads, while Rose plays with Vodka Mutini and Jade scurries through the temple. For clarity’s sake, I’ll describe each character’s actions in a separate paragraph.

"Homestuck - [S] Enter [End of act 3]" (Watch on YouTube)

In Rose’s burning house Dave quickly deploys the necessary machinery. There’s so little safe room left to use that he has to throw Rose’s bed into the burning forest for one, put one in the observatory, and put the third on the nearby roof; fortunately Rose is able to get to them all. Dave uses the wizard statue to knock open the Cruxtruder, then drops it outside, breaking its hand off and sending the hand flying. He moves the cruxite to the lathe, where Rose produces a totem for her entry item, a bottle. Rose flings the dead Jaspers into the Kernelsprite and Dave grabs the Eldritch Princess doll to put in too, but the flying wizard statue hand knocks the entry item into the nearby waterfall. Rose leaps out over the drop, successfully catches it, and is in turn caught by a long purple tentacle....

Flaming whirlwinds approach the house; Rose swings the bottle to shatter it, and the meteor lands.

In the temple, we see an enormous flower atop another countdown device, noting four-and-a-half minutes till disaster, but Jade suddenly falls asleep again, waking up with only nineteen seconds to go. Unlike John randomly falling asleep mid-battle, this has been happening often enough to seem to be a legitimate problem with a story-based cause. Keep an eye on that.

Dave, meanwhile, is still in his room, which is now filled with crows. He seems flustered at first, but in a later shot he’s back at his computer with a crow perched on his head, seemingly fine.

Back at John’s house, Nannasprite opens up his newer copy of Sassacre’s book and starts to inscribe the very message we read earlier, so she didn’t in fact know about it during her life. Seems odd that she’d bother doing this rather than just saying it, though, especially since when she finishes, she drops the book into the chasm, where it plummets through grey clouds, emerging over a dark-blue land scattered with tiny lights and black rivers. John, covered in oil, runs up the many stairs of his remodelled house, smashing imps left and right with single blows from the WRINKLEFUCKER and directing the SASSACRUSHER with the GHOST GAUNTLETS to take on the ogres. When he reaches the top, he slams his hammer down one last time and bounces upwards to the spirograph portal, entering whatever’s on the other side. Fade to white.

Generally, a very good flash! Exciting but doesn’t sacrifice useful information for drama, and now two characters have reached their current goals but more is still going on. Lovely music too. I think the Flash animations are one of Hussie’s greater strengths here.

FAILURE ARTIST: The animation was what drew me into Homestuck and this is a particularly good one.

CHEL: A couple of static pages wrap up the Act; we pan out from John’s house to see it and the pinnacle it’s perched on are now looming above the same dark-blue land covered with thick clouds that the book fell onto, which we now see is in fact an entire very small planet. Curtains close.

So that’s the end of Act 3! What does everyone think?

FAILURE ARTIST: It was fun seeing Jade and the Exiles but sad thinking about how underutilized they ended up. Especially poor AR.

BRIGHT: This is where the elaborate time loops really started to kick in, and I’ve gotta say, I’m not a fan. I recognise that they’re a key feature of Homestuck, but I found some of them too confusing on my first read through. (Though they do make more sense on subsequent reads.)

I think on the whole this Act is quite well paced. I really loved the bits with Jade, and a lot of nifty background info gets introduced without being infodumped.

TIER: I wasn't even aware that webcomics on the internet were a thing at this point, but I do believe that it's around here that Homestuck's popularity was starting to pick up, no? This chapter went a lot deeper into the strangeness of the game to!

FAILURE ARTIST:

Homestuck was popular but I don’t think it became a phenomenon until Act 5 when the trolls were fully introduced. Lots of people even skipped Acts 1-4 and the Intermission to get to them. I think a lot of the pre-Act 5 fans were my age (20s) while after that many were teens or tweens. Admittedly, I didn’t do much in the fandom except check the SA thread until Act 5 came around.

CHEL: I don’t think I got into it until Act 6 - I remember the first time I got further than a few pages in I gave up when the Alpha kids got introduced because it was way too complicated.

As for my thoughts on the act, well… Before, I was able to more or less chalk up the racist/sexist/fatphobic/homophobic remarks as being from the characters’ mouths (they are, after all, twelve to thirteen years old) and not the author’s, but they don’t really get called out by the narrative and Hussie has sufficiently drained my goodwill that I have to complain, and I suspect after recent events that it actually was him speaking there, if you get my meaning. Most of the dialogue is still as sweet and funny as I remember it being but those bits really taint it. Hypothetical rewrite would definitely remove those.

I’m in two minds about keeping Dave’s hurricane of euphemisms to AT for said hypothetical rewrite; on one hand, considering his home situation, it’s worrying, but on the other the whole point of the joke is to make AT uncomfortable and it’s hard to do that without making comments that would also make the reader uncomfortable. Maybe if Dave’s home life was adjusted a bit the reader would be more easily able to assume he just picked them up from Urban Dictionary.

Speaking of Dave, his storyline here is where we really start to see a thing which is a recurring problem with the comic. Namely, reliance on theme and symbolism over what is actually happening. If Hussie was indeed trying from the beginning to portray Dave’s situation as serious abuse, then he shouldn’t have chosen to represent said abuse with ridiculous cartoon physics while literally portraying Dave as unharmed onscreen. Dave’s behaviour does hint at some issues, but they’re easy to pass off as related to other things, and swords so sharp they cause printed pictures to change are not most readers’ first assumption for the cause.

Other than those, though, I think we’re still mostly fine; none of the problems are problems with the underlying structure of the story, so it wouldn’t require a huge retooling. That state of affairs will continue on for another couple of acts, but when it fails, it fails.

COUNTS ALL THE LUCK: 0 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 13 CALL CPA PLEASE: 7 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 14 GET ON WITH IT!: 13 GORE GALORE: 0 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 14 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 6 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 0 RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1 SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 0 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS: 0 WHAT IS HAPPENING??: 2 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 9 TOTAL: 79