#egg lookin motherfucker....

[misqnon]

cat snowglobe.....

[lothricknightgirl]

fuck it all

you hungry?

I'm hungry.

Let's do an egg sandwich.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What you need for this:

Smoked Paprika (Optional) (a fucking amount of however the hell much you want to taste, the smokyness is just MMGH)

Hot Sauce (Optional) (my preferred choice is Sriracha but go for whatever you like i just like the salsa-ish flavor)

Salt (Optional) (see above for amount)

Pepper (Optional) (generous but Do Not overdo it lest you fancy sneezing into thine food)

Butter (always assume that whenever anything calls for any amount of butter that you should have a stick on hand. yes the whole stick. no we're not using the whole thing but motherfucker when i say you have to be generous with it you must be generous)

Two Eggs (or however many you feel like you can juggle at a time I'm just fucking hungry so two it is)

Two pieces of bread (preferably not ends because the ends Suck Ass and not in the fun way)

Cheese (of whatever kind, american for efficiency, muenster because its just good, pepper jack if you're eccentric, you've got Optiones here is what i'm saying)

Spatula or any kind of utensil you could feasibly use to flip a greasy piece of toast

That's it. No, literally, it's so bloody easy, this is like 6-7 minutes, tops.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

MEDIUM HEAT! Like, 5 or 7, it really does not matter, more heat only means more expediency at the cost of how much you can manage in a certain timeframe and folks i cannot multitask like that

Slap a solid square of butter in the pan. We don't want the bitch swimming so not too much but enough to at least generously coat the bottom of the pan because you're toasting two pieces of bread in it AND using it to make flipping your eggs easier.

Put your two pieces of toast in, off to the side-ish, where the fuck ever

PAUSE, before you put your eggs in. On a scale of Beware The Yolk to Burnt how do you want this to come out? If towards beware the yolk, only flip it onto its other side for a maximum of maybe 5-10 seconds. If towards the other side, let it go for as long as you want it to go for. Less time on either side means more gooey-ness but more mess in your hands. You do you.

NOW, put thine eggs in, on the other side, keep them close together for ease of seasoning. don't worry if it attaches to the toast just cut it off with your spatula/whatthefuckever

Paprika, not a lot, it's strong, but an amount as to be pleasing to thine tastes

Salt, same as above

Pepper, not so much as for sneezing, snot in your food is unpleasant, but enough for taste

Hot sauce in whatever pattern or amount, i do a smiley face sometimes to feel something

By the time you've accomplished all that, it should have gone for long enough on this side, you may flip your eggs now. If it won't flip, be stubborn and try harder or lubcricate with additional butter. failing that, cry.

Now's the time to check your toast, if toasted, put on plate, if not, remove eggs from heat by shifting pan and put toast over the flame *NOT LITERALLY ON THE FLAME DO NOT DO THAT I MEAN IN THE PAN

Toast done, eggs done, put cheese on toast, put eggs on toast, slap on top of eachother, badafugginbing baddafugginboom

sammich

Plates up, good eatin', hope this helped whoever's lookin' at it

and with that, at 212 AM on the dot,

good the fuck night

[dipperscavern]

speaking of ep7, that GORGEOUS HORNED BLUE DRAGON THAT ONE BAR-GUY BONDED WITH, YKNOW W THE EGGS, OHHHH MYYY GODDDD SHE WAS BEUATIFUL

dont even get me STARTED on vermithor, that big ass red lookin motherfucker i LOVE HIM

i need a dragon asap like neow puhLEASE

YES!! SILVERWINGGGGF UGH THEYRE SO GORGEOUS

& vermithor omg omg. being called the bronze fury and bowing only to assertive rhaenyra and the most ferocious guy he could find. LORD. i’m loving all the dragon designs we’re getting & the different personalities too!!!! NEED A DRAGON ASap

wait what dragon do y’all think would rock with me….. and then nobody answers LMFAO. sorry i wanna talk about the dragons i love tjem 😞

[vixensheart]

It’s a phone call that pops the peaceful bubble around Angel and Husk. 

Sharp and shrill, it pierces the silence while they’re at the table eating breakfast. Husk’s fork clatters onto his plate, and he reaches for his phone with a grumble, flipping it to glance at the screen. The irritation drops from his face into something almost weary, and he sighs. “What?” he says, brow knitting as he listens to whatever the person on the other end tells him. Angel watches with raised brows, chewing on his toast and dropping bits of egg on the floor for Nuggets to snack on. Husk’s ears go flat, and he sighs again. “Yeah, well, you can tell them I’m out for—” A pause. “Of course they don’t wanna reschedule.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fine. I’ll be down shortly.” 

Angel lowers his own fork. Husk tosses his phone back onto the table, lips curled in disdain, and huffs again. His gaze finds Angel and it fills with guilt. 

“I’ve gotta head down to the office. Some asshole apparently’s decided they’re important enough to demand a meeting.” 

Well, shit. Angel tilts his head. “How long d’ya think it’ll take?” 

A low growl rumbles from Husk, tail swishing against the floor. “No idea. As short as fucking possible.” 

And, that gets a snicker from Angel. He props his chin on a hand, lips curving into a smile. “You’re real cute when you’re pissed,” he teases. Husk glowers, and Angel’s smile only widens. He slides a hand across the table, catching one of his—his boyfriend’s (holy shit, they’re boyfriends now), and gives a squeeze. “S’okay, baby, I’ll be fine, promise. ‘Sides, maybe I can start lookin’ into the security footage ‘n stuff. Figure out who the mole is.” And skin them. He doesn’t say that part out loud. Then again, he doesn’t think he’s gotta. Husk is more than aware of how itchy his hands are for his knife and gun when it comes to finding the bitchass mole. 

Husk’s frown seems to etch deeper into his features. “You sure? I can always tell ‘em to fuck off.” 

“Positive. I’ve been holed up long enough, anyway.” 

Four days. It’s been four days since Angel’s been back at the casino. Four days since he stabbed the shit outta Val. Four whole days of re-weaning himself off Val’s shitty venom, of laying around curled up in Husk’s arms, of just existing, again. And, Angel could easily stay hidden away for longer, in this tiny little bubble of theirs. But as much as he’d love to hide away from the realities of existence forever, he can’t. Or, shouldn’t anyway. 

And he really wants to catch that motherfucker. 

“Okay,” Husk says, quiet and a touch reluctant. “I’ll take you down to the security office, then.” He grabs his fork and stabs at some eggs, apparently determined to finish breakfast first. “Just…don’t do anything too stupid.” His hand gives Angel’s a squeeze, the worry leaking through the cracks of his false levity. 

Angel rolls his eyes, but affection sparks in his chest despite the minor annoyance. “Yeah, yeah, I won’t. Promise.” Been there, done that. He tugs his hand free, grabs his own fork. They eat in relative silence, after, silverware scraping against their plates. Fat Nuggets nudges at Angel’s leg with his little wet nose, eyes wide and pleading when he spares his piggy a glance. Angel bites the inside of his cheek to quell his smile and drops him another chunk of egg. 

“You spoil that damn pig.” There’s a fondness in the shape of Husk’s words. Angel snorts and shoots him a look. 

“Yeah, well, obviously. He’s my baby. What’s your excuse, huh?” 

“Touché.” 

♠️

New chapter up! Read the rest on Ao3!

[discount-limeade]

Slipknot: A Review

Part 2

(See Slipknot Vs. Batman For Iowa Era)

Conrad's Ratings On How Well He Thinks The Knot Members can Cook (+ What their favorite Poptart Flavor is)

#0 Sid Wilson

8/10

I actually REALLY fuck with Subliminal Versus hhh

No hair in the food. He's got a Tie on so he MUST know what he's doing. -1 for refuses to use the right noodles for the Dish. -1 Stares at you the Entire time you eat.

Poptart: Blueberry. He peels the Crust off.

#1 JOEY JORDISON

3/10

CANNOT COOK! -2 for does he LOOK like he owns a fucking pot OR a Pan. -1 Only has Ketchup and Half a Coke in the fridge. -1 he "Customizes" his Fast Food Orders. (BK BBQ Sauce on a Crunch Wrap Supreme ETC.) -2.5 for Asks you what you want then says no to every Option until you say what he wants. -.5 put salt in your Drink.

Poptart: Cherry or S'Mores.

#2 Paul Gray

10/10

Classic "Spaghetti Date" kinda Guy.

Homemade Sauce. Garlic Bread and Salad as Sides. No Complaints, he just knows what he's doing.

In a Not Spaghetti Setting, he will Cut your food up for you.

Poptart: Cherry. Toasted with Butter.

#3 Chris Fehn

6/10

Look at him Crackin MAD jokes in this Picture, love it.

-2 for "I love Cast Iron Pans Because you don't have to clean them". YES YOU DO. -1 Too much Salt. -1 can't make Eggs. Look at that picture, man looks like he FUCKS UP some Boiled eggs. But look again and Tell me He knows how to Fry one. Exactly.

Poptart: Berry Blast. Don't even know if that's a Real Flavor but it's his favorite FOR SURE.

#4 Jim Root

5/10

This is a Situation where I think that James, THE MAN, is actually a fuckin Superb Chef. This picture however, not Gonna Cut it.

-1 everything is Spicy as FUCK. Like Run To the fuckin Faucet For water, Damn Near Inedible For some Dishes. -1 for ONCE AGAIN I REALLY don't think this man Washes his Hands. It keeps me up at Night. -1 you made a Comment on a piece of his House Decorations and He Spit in your Sauce. -2 doesn't own Actual Plates or Silverware. Styrofoam Babyyy.

Poptart: Banana. Again, don't know if it's Really, but he looks like he likes That Fake Banana Flavor.

#5 Craig Jones

7/10

I think he'd be REALLY good at Grillin.

-1 for seasons Steak with Salt. Not exclusively but it's part of his Steak seasoning blend, it's just wrong. -1 Grill Brush Bristle in your Burger. -1 wears an Apron that has a print of some guys hairy Chest on it, that man is Wearing Speedos...

Poptart: None. Prefers Apple Toaster Strudels.

#6 Clown

5/10

It's Not that he CAN'T cook, he just doesn't.

-1 for Dirty Dishes. -1 for inappropriate Dinner Conversation. He is telling you about the Process of which This Specific kind of meat is Harvested.

(Personally I'd be Mad interested but Some people can't handle all that YK).

-2 for didn't shower before you came over. Nothing and Everything to do with Cooking. -1 His edibles are Kinda Weak.

Poptart: Cookies N Creme. Cream or Creme?

#7 Mick Thomson

8/10

Nah man, look at this fuckin, LOOK. Got me Gay As Hell.

-1 for the Opposite Cast Iron thing. He soaks it. Unforgivable Really. Now you have to season it EVERY TIME. -1 for He gave you a Mickey Mouse Spoon. -1 for he uses the Microwave A LOT. -1 butter butter butter, beer, butter butter. (This is how he keeps the Meat Moist.)

+2 for Dinner was Served on a Zoopals plate of your choosing.

Poptart: Cinnamon. The Superior Flavor.

#8 Corey Taylor

2/10

This is coming Out of pure Hatred for A post someone made. It Inspired me to make this Whole review. In this post, it was a Picture of the most UNDERCOOKED, UNDER SEASONED, WHITE PEOPLE LOOKIN CHICKEN THAT EVER EXISTED. And it was Some like, thing Where Corey was like, 'Made Dinner'. It was BEYOND foul. I know these Ratings are Based on the picture Provided but fucking -3 for That Post.

There is a Method Of Jacking off Wear you put soup in a Ziploc bag, then put it in a sock to make a Fleshlight. -2 for he served you the Sock Soup.

(I have never Tried this, spare me Please.)

-1 for look how dirty his hands are. Motherfucker doesn't even OWN a Sink. -1 for he Keeps sticking his fingers in the food to Taste it.

Poptart: Fudge. Toasted.

The End.

[heatobrienswife]

.

ok but p\alw\orld stuff >w>;;;

look at this s/heffield lookin motherfucker jgfjgjh

my bootleg eevees have learned how to fly

also look at my stunning new gorl ;w; i randomly got her from an egg i found while lost

in an area i shouldn't have been yet jhfjfkjkfkj cause everything was 10 to 20 levels stronger then i was jgjgjgkjgj

[zettersberg]

patrick k*ne really is the worst person huh? besides the glaringly obvious he doesn’t like animals and he doesn’t like when people are nice to him

[cipheramnesia]

If I was gonna follow up a character from the original Star Wars, it would be one of the storm troopers that got knocked off his bike on Endor, not the one that got eaten by Erik's, but the other guy who limps away and quits the storm troopers in abject disgust after getting his ass handed to him by a combination of teddy bears and inanimate objects followed up by watching the second indestructible superweapon of the empire explode into a million piece again.

So he hides all his gear and bluffs his way off Endor because at that point no one's looking too hard for bad guys, pawns his armor and speeder bike chunks for a ticket into the ass end of nowhere onto one of those planets where it's 90% swamp and humidity, hires on as a ranch hand in some bumfuck cattle farm a thousand kilometers from any spaceport, spends the next four years jabbing the weird hippo-catfish like beasts they raise to supply the greater galaxy with extra tender meat products. He's got a careworn leather poncho and widebrim hat and rides on these heron lookin stilt legged motherfuckers to keep the herds in line.

He keeps his shit secure and himself to himself and far as everyone is concerned he's just a quiet dude, reliable and good with a rifle during the seasonal rush of giant wasps, and doesn't bother anyone. He makes a nice little home and has a little nest egg to maybe start his own ranch one day, someday til one of his old buddies comes spinning out of the sky into the lake outside down in a new order transport ship full of several million bucks worth of high octane space cocaine or whatever, he's been dealing on the side in his unit but almost got caught and had to bug out fast with the latest payload. Only problem is the suppliers and the cartel bosses all think he split with the product to make a quick dollar on his own enterprise.

But neither he nor his deserter buddy know about that he's just some old friend who needs to crash out and lay low while his leg heals up and they haul his little skip out the muck. And honestly no one around there is the type to pry about who skipped out on what draft, everyone has their problems. All up until the cartel and a hundred of their finest killers cruise into town.

They want their product, they want the army buddy's head on a plate, and they want interest paid on their time. It's been years and years since he got pulled into shit like this but in a that time this long past storm trooper has grown a backbone and got tolerably well acquainted with a blaster. There's a hundred killers in town but he's done with running. It's time to start counting.

[yeehawbvby]

Falling Away With You | Ch. 4

Sebastian x F!Reader and M. Rasmodius x F!Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: Tons of tension starts to form between you and Seb. Also, you fucking smash the egg hunt.

Author’s Note: Our first holiday chapter! Enjoy and take care :3

Table of Contents + Work Summary 

Check it out on ao3!

Prev | Next

The Egg Festival is today.

One of my few memories of life pre-Zuzu was when I visited Grandpa during this time of year. There’s a ton of food, mostly desserts made of fruits and chocolate, and they hold an egg hunt in the afternoon. I remember almost fighting some kid for my last egg — I wonder if I know them now? — and I won, and rubbed it in that twerp’s face. 

I originally wasn’t going to attend the event, remembering it mainly being for kids and their parents. But when I said that to Robin the other day, she wasn’t having it. She invited me to sit with her family so I wouldn’t be alone all day, and insisted that everyone goes. I’m not really looking forward to it, but I appreciate the gesture, and at the very least get along with her and Seb to a certain degree. What’s the worst that could happen?

To dress for the occasion, I put on a white, long sleeve bodysuit and fit a lavender colored, cotton, overalls-style skirt over it. For shoes, I opt to wear my white platform sneakers with tall pink socks under them. Finally, I pin some matching pink ribbons into the bands of my braided pigtails to be extra festive.

When I arrive at the town, there’s a giant carpet in the middle of the square. The only local kids we have, Jas and Vincent, are running around in the grass with a few kids I don’t recognize. I’m assuming they’re either relatives, or tourists. Pam is spiking all of the fruit punch oh my fucking god, and everyone else seems to be mingling in groups. 

I greet Pierre, who’s behind a booth selling stuff, because of course he is. Dude’s in a capitalist chokehold. Sure he has to make a living, but still. Poor Caroline is seated in the grass next to the booth, picking apart some leaves. She looks dreadfully bored.

While browsing Pierre’s holiday wares, I spy a super cute stuffed bunny that I really want, but decide not to buy it. Not yet, at least. Don’t wanna carry it around all day, if I’m being honest. I purchase some prismatically colored rock candy and move to my next location while crunching on it.

I spot Robin next, so I say “hi” and thank her for inviting me again. I don’t linger for long, as she’s mid-conversation with some other moms.

After that, I kinda just… wander a bit. I’m becoming painfully aware how little I actually know the people that I know who are here. Yoba, there are people everywhere , something I’m not great at coping with. Since when is this little town such a popular holiday attraction? I hate this so much.

Those two friendly and pretty people I ogled at from across Stardrop, whose names I learned in passing are Leah and Elliot, are lounging around by the edge of the river. The most beautiful farmcore elf motherfucker I’ve ever seen, and her equally as beautiful, romance novel-lookin’ friend (or more?)… sigh. I think back to when I saw them at the saloon, and wonder if they even remember me. It’s not like we spoke, but should I try and say “hi” anyway?

“Hey, you.” 

I turn around and I’m eye-to-eye with bright blue, heavily eyelined orbs. 

“Abby! What’s up?” 

“Oh, just scoping out the land, planning my route for the egg hunt.” 

“You’re participating? I thought it was, like… a kid thing.”

“It is. But I still compete every year. Sam does too, sometimes.” 

“Maybe I’ll try it out then,” I think out loud.

“Try all you want,” Abby basically threatens, “I take it very seriously. I’m the reigning champion around here.”

She tries to size me up. Alas, we’re both very small, and she’s wearing a pair of floppy rabbit ears on her head. It doesn’t intimidate me in the slightest. I respect the effort, though.

“You’re on.” I laugh, albeit nervously, trying to brighten the super tense mood she created. Why is she so competitive? It’s a fuckin’ egg hunt against children . Is she always like this?

“Oh!” Her demeanor changes as she looks up and behind me. “Hiya Sebby!”

Sebby? I’ve only heard his mom call him that. Sounds gross coming out of the mouth of anyone under 40, I note to myself. I look back briefly to greet Sebby . My heart flutters a ton when I look up to say hello, and he’s already softly grinning down at me.

He looks forward to Abby, not responding to her greeting, and cocks his head to the side briefly. “Sam’s lookin’ for you.”

She scurries away, and I turn around to more appropriately greet the friendly neighborhood emo man. 

Everyone has some pastel or earthy colors going on in their outfits, and for the first time, I’m actually witnessing Seb not wear all black. 

His jeans are light blue and ripped with black fishnets underneath, and he’s sporting a grayish-brownish henley up top. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and despite the shirt only having 4 buttons, he has 3 of them undone. It’s all accompanied by a black, plain choker necklace and a black smart watch. I’ve never seen his forearms, I don’t think… they’re nice. This look suits him. Is that a tattoo on his wrist, or a birthmark? I think it’s a tattoo. It’s small, I wish I could make it out. 

“You alright?” he asks in a hushed, almost somehow seductive voice, and shoots me a wink when our eyes meet. Oh he’s fully aware that I was practically just basking in his presence. Wonderful.

I give him a stiff nod. “Does Sam need her so they can plan their MLG egg hunting strategies or something?” I joke, trying to cause a distraction.

Seb chuckles knowingly, but allows the subject change. He shakes his head and mumbles, “I’ve got no idea where he is.” Confused, I tilt my head, which prompts him to explain. “It looked like you needed saving. I think he’s off talking to Victor somewhere.”

“Victor?”

“We went to high school with him, he lives in the city now. He’s pretty cool, for a rich brat,” he answers. “I’m sure you guys would get along nicely.”

To be honest, I don’t know if I can handle talking to any of the strangers around here, considering how many there are. I already feel so overloaded from the voices, and smells, and other miscellaneous things that my senses are trying to take in.

“Yeah, maybe,” I meekly respond. 

Seb seems to sense my anxiety, and reassures me. “It’s okay if you’d rather not. There’s a lot of people here… it’s fucking terrible,” he laughs. 

“It really is.” 

“Yeah… unfortunately, it’s not the worst thing about all this, though.” He vaguely gestures around with his last few words.

I furrow my eyebrows. “There’s something worse here than people?”

He huffs out a laugh and then eyes me up and down, mischievously. “You have terrible manners and I find it highly offensive.”

“What are you on about?”

“I didn’t get a ‘thank you’ for shooing Abby away.” 

After a brief, dead stare, I give him a loud, over-the-top gasp and cover my mouth. “Oh, how could I?!” I answer, mimicking a southern belle to my best ability. “Thank you so much Mister Sebastian, Sir! My hero!” I curtsy for added effect, before going dead-pan and snarking, “You want a medal?”

“Oh,” he raises his eyebrows, an incredulous look written on his face. “By all means, I can just call her back over and let you fend for yourself.”

I know he’s probably bluffing, but I suddenly feel small and fearful, anxiety about all these new faces being on full-blast today. “Please don—”

He puts his hand on my head, a gesture that shuts me up instantly as I squint a glare up at him. He cares to avoid the bulk of my braids, as to not mess them up, and rubs a little. Why… do I like this so much?

“I wouldn’t actually do something that cruel.”

“Thanks...” I roll my eyes.

“Unless you wanted me to.” 

“What do I look like, some kinda masochist?”

He devilishly grins, paired by a low, evil hum of a laugh emitting from him. Oh my god, that was so hot.

“(Y/n), (y/n), (y/n)…” 

He trails off in a lower volume than usual with each tsk of my name, and leans down to level with me. His hand is still palming my head — not super tight, but firmly enough to ensure that I have no choice but to look at him. I could easily tug myself away with a little elbow grease. For a freaky, entirely self-indulgent reason, I don’t. 

“You looked very natural, going all red in the face after I caught you eyeing me up before.”

I feel my heart thump in my chest.

“And given you’re just letting me take control of you like this,” he boldly continues, his grip on my head tightening a slight bit as he ever so slight bobbles it around a little, “you’ve probably got some naughty, masochistic fantasies going on in that brain o’yours, don’t you?”

��Oh my god?

My eyes feel like they’re gonna bulge out of my skull. My mouth is agape. Feels dry. I can’t halt the small squeak that comes out of me. 

How does he expect me to respond to that ? I mean, I’d be able to stab back just fine if he were wrong. But he’s not. But I’m not gonna just say that. And denial won’t get me anywhere. But again, I obviously can’t just be like Yes, you’re right, actually. Fuck me up daddy. Right?

“Er…” I mumble. 

“Just kiddinggg,” he sings, even though he definitely was not just kidding.

Before I can process how to fight back, Seb takes both of my braids in his free hand, and gives them a quick, yet firm, tug. 

I gasp at the temporary sting it leaves behind on my scalp, and goosebumps sprout across my skin – thank Yoba I’m wearing long sleeves. My eyes shut and I clasp my hands over my face, which feels like it’s on fire. 

Another evil laugh escapes the dickwad standing before me. This one’s dramatically less hot than the first.

__________________

Seb and I are sitting at his family’s table, ignoring the scientific conversation going on beside us. We’re mildly blitzed up on Pam’s special fruit punch and the various spring-themed candies scattered around, and have just finished devising my strategy for the egg hunt:

I’ll run to the top corner of the square near the water. From there, I’ll make my way down the riverbank, and back to the middle once I reach the roped-off area. Seb hinted that Lewis usually tosses an egg or two in the bed of his truck, so I should climb in there if I have the time to take a look.

He also told me that Willy likes to hide his own egg without anyone knowing, so that it never gets cleaned up, and stinks up the place in a few weeks. A truly evil prank. I love it. He caught the old fisherman putting his contraband into a flower bed last year, so I’ll be sure to check any of those that I pass by, in case he did it again.

Seb wants Abigail to lose, just once, as she was apparently truthful in implying never does earlier. I’m more than up for the challenge. He offered to set up traps, to “accidentally” trip someone, anything to help. It’s hilarious and appreciated, but I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Being the cynic he is, it took some bickering to convince him to not interfere.

“Alright, kids, gather ‘round!” Mayor Lewis shouts from the clearing in the middle of town.

“Ok maggot, are you ready to absolutely destroy some children?!” Seb hypes me up. 

I stifle laughter, but promptly break, not used to this energy from my usually mellow coach. “Sir, yes sir!” I reply, standing up and saluting him.

“Go get ‘em, tiger!” He doesn’t even try to contain his volume, earning a few looks. Seb’s laughing with me as he gives me a rough pat on the back — ouch, what the fuck — before sending me off. 

When I get to the line, my laugh simmering down, Abby’s watching me as if I’m her prey. Not in a sexy way, unfortunately, but rather a murderous one. I break the awkward stare-off and look at Sam, who mouths a jovial “good luck!” my way. What a good boy.

After giving instructions and handing out our baskets, Lewis blows a whistle, and we’re off. I run to my starting point, ignoring a nearby egg that I watch Vincent waddle towards. I refuse to pummel a child today, no matter how tempting. I seek out one in a salmonberry bush, another in the dirt against Penny and Pam’s mobile home, and a few in Lewis’ hedges. 

“30 seconds!” I hear Lewis call out. 

I lift a foot onto one of the tires of his truck, hurdling myself into the trunk from there — and Seb was right! I hit a jackpot coming here. The bed is decorated with flowers, garland and stuffed animals, and there’s a few eggs scattered within it all, in camouflage. I jump out without giving it much thought, practically crashing into Sam. 

“Ah! Sorry!” we shout, simultaneously, cautionary hands on each other's arms as we separate.

“10 seconds!” 

“Shit,” I whisper to myself.

I run past Lewis’ garden, grabbing an egg out of it. It’s unpainted, so I assume this is Willy’s. Feels bittersweet, ruining his demonic tradition. But I can’t linger — eyes on the prize, (y/n)! To finish off the competition, I sprint to the small and oddly-located graveyard. I manage to snag the last egg I spot from between a headstone and a shrub, just as the final whistle blows.

Pushing some stray hairs away from my face, and huffing from all the movement, I spot Seb watching me from against a nearby lamppost. I smile wide, giving him a thumbs up with my free arm. He chuckles and does the same, his other hand sporting a gigantic, spherical lollipop rather than his usual cigarette.

I hand in my basket and walk over to Seb while Lewis readies the results. “Oh I killed it dude,” I brag, hands on hips. 

“I can tell,” he giggles, “you looked intense out there.” 

“All for you, babyyyy.” I exaggerate the “baby” part so he doesn’t think I’m flirting or something. Even though I totally sort of am. I’m bad at subtleties, aren’t I?

“Yeah?” 

I nod. “I don’t care about winning, I just wanted to kick Abby’s ass. And you encouraged me, so,” I cheekily shrug.

He laughs, like a genuine full-hearted laugh, unleashing a billion little butterflies in my tummy. I think his laugh is my favorite ever. “You little menace.”

We don’t say much for a bit, as we patiently await the results. I decide to go try to swipe a lollipop of my own from the food table, but when I get there I find out they’re all gone. Seb offers to share his.

“What do you mean, share it? I’ll have to like, put it in my mouth, ya know? It’s not something I can just bite and hand back.”

“Yeah, and?”

“You’re okay with eating something that’s literally covered in my saliva?” I deadpan. 

“(Y/n), I wouldn’t have offered it if I cared. Now, unless you’re skeeved out by it, eat the damn candy,” he says, holding it up to my mouth.

I stare at him, a blank expression on my face as he expectantly raises his eyebrows and grins very smugly. He waves it a little, swatting my hand down when I reach to take it from him. This is… extremely intimate, I think, glaring at him as he inserts his lollipop into my mouth. 

The innuendos I could make here are absurd, but frankly, I’m scared to comment, given his spicy charade with me earlier. Don’t think my panties could handle any more of that.

Another few moments go by. I lazily play with the end of one of my braids as Seb and I silently pass his lolli back and forth.

“Results are in, folks!”

We both perk up hearing this, and Seb follows me to the middle after I urge him to. He’s the reason I found so many eggs, ultimately — if I win, it’s his win too.

“And the winner is…” 

A few of the kids, sitting on the rug below us, tap at the ground like they’re preparing a drumroll. Cutest shit I’ve ever seen.

“(Y/n!)” 

I beam at Seb and hand him back the lolli before meeting Lewis for my prizes: a cute straw hat with a white ribbon tied around the middle, and 1,000 bucks. No wonder Abby cares about winning this so much.

She came in a close second, with 3 eggs less than me, and in third place was Jas. They both got participation medals. Abby looks pissed and Jas looks like she’s about to cry… hm. Rather than returning back to my spot in the circle, I find Marnie in the crowd. 

“Hiya, Miss (Y/n)!” she greets me, visibly confused. 

“Hey! So,” I rush, feeling a little embarrassed, “Jas looks really upset that she didn’t do better.”

Marnie shrugs. “Happens every year. I’m sure she’ll have her chance someday.”

“Well, I actually wanted to talk to you about that,” I grin. “I want you to take some of the money. That way she can pick out her own cute hat, and, like, plushies from Pierre’s stand over there or something, I dunno.”

Marnie puts her hand to her mouth. “(Y/n), my goodness, you don’t have to do that!” she assures me. 

“I want to! I already had my own childhood fun to experience. She deserves it.” That second sentence was a whole lie, my childhood was rough , but Jas deserves way better than what I had.

She pulls me into a big bear hug, happy- sobbing into my shoulder, spilling “thank you”s and “Yoba bless you”s all over my shirt. It catches me off guard, but I’m happy that she’s happy nonetheless. 

I hand her half of my earnings, throw my new hat on top of my head and head back over to Seb. 

“What was that about?” 

“I made a peace offering with Jas’ aunt.”

He furrows his brows, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smirk.

“Speaking of which, you deserve some of this too.”

I hand Seb the rest of my prize money. I was doing okay without 1,000 extra gold, thanks to the inheritances that came along with the farm. I’ll live if other people can enjoy the prize. Plus, the hat is sick, I’m happy with just keeping this. Seb’s about to try and deny the money, handing it my way, but I shove his hands back towards him as Abby struts over.

“You’re an interesting lady, (y/n),” she observes. “What was the point in winning if you’re not even going to keep the prizes?”

I shrug. “It wouldn't feel right keeping something meant for the little ones and their families all to myself.” 

She glares at me, trying to find something to argue with, but it softens as she lets out a sigh. She looks around, visibly guilty. Marnie’s telling Jas the good news, I assume, because the little girl’s hopping around like she just won a pony or some shit. Abby spots them and smiles. It looks genuine; maybe she’s actually nice under her cold, edgy demeanor.

“Whatever, nerds.” She rolls her eyes at us before walking away.

__________________

At the end of the festivities, Seb takes the long way to the mountains to walk me home. We’re both drowning ourselves in mini chocolate eggs that we stole — as if the absurd amount of food Robin kept bringing to our table, and multiple cups of punch, wasn’t enough. 

I’m taking care to not get any of the chocolate on the giant stuffed bunny I caved and bought from Pierre. Named her Eggy.

Not sure if Seb is just super happy about our win, or if he’s still rushing on the sugar we’ve been consuming, but he’s full of life right now and I’m honestly kind of obsessed with it. 

“Go long,” he nudges me, mouth full of candy, getting ready to throw a chocolate that he just unwrapped.

Stakes are high, that thing’s done if it touches the ground. I refuse to waste chocolate, damn it!

I jog down the dirt path a bit, catching the little egg in my hand. Victory . I pretend to spike it at the ground, promptly shoving the snack into my mouth after.

“You sure you’re okay walking back up there alone?” I ask when we make it past the gate to my farm. 

He waves a hand, “I take walks in the mines sometimes when I can’t sleep. I can handle the backwoods on my— ”

“You do what?!” I quietly screech, halting on my stoop. “You could get killed, dude!”

“I’m alive, aren’t I?”

“Do you at least bring a sword?”

“Of course! I’m reckless not stupid.”

I sigh. “Whatever, just be safe…” 

He smiles, “No promises.”

“Sebastian!” 

“Goodnight, (y/n),” he sings.

I sigh. “Goodnight… Sebby.” I snicker, feeling his eyes burning holes into my back as I enter the house.

[deniigi]

14 17 AND 29 >:DD

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

SOL I SEE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME SAY THE EGG ONE AND I WILL NOT RISE TO THAT BAIT.

I would say The Tuning Fork because I thought I hated Anakin and never thought that I would write jack shit trying to empathize with him.

17. fics you’ll continue next year

Ideally none. I'm hoping to finish an injury to one before New Years. I tell myself that eventually I'll pick up chicory coffee again and maybe close out in technicolor, but also I can't really seem to make myself write marvel right now so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

29. shortest fic you read this year

Whatever the fuck people put on Discord writing channels. Those are the shortest fics I read. I'm just on there to lurk like a motherfucker in bigger servers lol (lookin' at you Codywan server).

[dlnqnt]

y'all we rly need to start learning how to stop idolizing people like this it's getting far too ridiculous

[savedpeople]

"And here I thought you were done with your wives." (jealous savior!Rick)

@mercyprevaild

The door to Negan’s bedroom opens and Frankie emerges, making a subtle adjustment to her black dress as she heads off down the hall without looking back. Negan steps into the doorway right behind her, jacket missing from his person, leans against the frame with a satisfied smile while he watches her go-- or watches her rear, rather, given the shameless lowering of his gaze.

But her footsteps aren’t the only ones, and after a moment he turns his attention to see Rick coming around the nearest corner. Impeccable timing, this one.

“Well hey there, Rick!” His greeting comes cheery as fuck, except Rick isn’t looking nearly as happy as he is and that’s a problem. His smile fades some, eyes squinting curiously with a slight cant of his head. “Well shit, something the matter?” He continues as he steps towards the man, meeting him halfway. “Because right now you’re lookin’ at me like somebody shit in your scrambled eggs, like maybe I shit in your scrambled eggs, and I cannot imagine why you’d be lookin’ at me like that, unless...”

His voice trails off when he catches the way Rick’s eyes flit in the direction Frankie left in, then back up at him. And then--

“And here I thought you were done with your wives.”

Truly, it takes him a second. Perplexed, his brow furrows, stumped as to why the hell Rick has any issue with his wives. But then it hits him, and suddenly this is the most intriguing, delightful thing he’s heard all day.

“You... are you jealous, Rick?” He chuckles, and lips stretch into a wide, amused grin as the look on Rick’s face all but confirms it. “Holy shit, I mean-- seriously? I was already balls deep in a bunch of gorgeous women when you got here, did you think I was just going to toss all those lovely ladies aside once I started goin’ balls deep in you, too? It don’t quite work like that, Rick. You know that.”

Negan pauses, studying his face, moving closer as he shifts his weight. “Hell, well, just so you know, if it’ll make you feel any better: what we were doing in there?” A finger points to the room behind him. “Wasn’t sex. I mean it still felt fucking orgasmic, but it wasn’t sex. She was giving me a massage, Rick, because my back’s been hurting like a motherfucker. Probably from putting so much effort into blowing your back out.”

He laughs then, tongue peeking between teeth, that teasing shine in his eyes. He comes closer, leans further into his space. “I gotta admit, didn’t think I’d ever see you jealous, Rick.” Closer still, fingertips purposely brush along Rick’s waistline, lips finding his ear where he whispers, “it kind of turns me on. Maybe you should come inside, we can find some fun ways for you to let that hot, hot jealousy out on me.”

[theartofmining]

WHATTHE FUCK IS THE MASK IT LOOKS LIKE A BOWL

MY SISTER SAID EGG LOOKIN MOTHERFUCKER

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from "Clerks"

Man goes into cage. Cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.

Bunch of savages in this town

There's a million fine looking girls in the world. But they don't all bring you lasagna to work. Most of them just cheat on you.

What do you mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?

Ooh! Navy seals!

Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that came out last year?

That's beautiful, man

There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

Yeah. [NAME], your a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal.

That's what life is, a series of down endings.

All 'Jedi' had was a bunch of Muppets.

My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.

They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good.

I don't watch movies

Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?

I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.

I don't appreciate your ruse

Hey! You're not allowed to [THING] here anymore!

My love for you is like a truck, BERZERKER! Would you like some making fuck, BERZERKER!

Are there any balls down there?

I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'll fuck this bitch, I'll fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES!

Yo, what the fuck you lookin' at? I'll kick your fuckin' ass! Shit yeah.

Doesn't that mother fucker owe me 10 bucks?

You know, fuckin' tonight, we're gonna rip off this fucker's head, and tear out his fuckin' soul.

I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag

What's up sluts?

Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin' Weed, Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers...

I had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me is weed and shit.

What's a good plate with nothing on it?

I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.

Hey what you want, Grizzly Adams?

Someone jammed gum in the locks.

A woman makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a woman cum, it's talent.

You'll sleep with anything that says 'yes.'

My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!

Shocking abuse of authority.

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.

People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "mom."

She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.

That's what high school was about. Algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.

He said he has to find the perfect dozen.

Why doesn't he mix and match?

He said it was important to have standards, and he says nobody has any pride anymore.

It's not like you laid the eggs yourself.

That seems to be the late motif in your life, ever backing down.

You always back down. You assume blame that's not yours. You come in on your day off. You buckle like a belt.

Insubordination rules.

How did you get here so fast?

Do you always talk this weird after you violate a woman?

He just sat there and let me do all the work.

We didn't just have sex in the bathroom?

Well I didn't just fuck myself!

Who the fuck's in our bathroom?

You sucked that guy's dick?

How many?! How many dicks have you sucked?!

Why couldn't you sleep with them like any other decent person?

Don't look at me like I'm the town whore, because you were plenty busy yourself before you met me!

I only had sex with the guys I loved

Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!

That article's accurate

Something just never sat right with me the second time around.

I'll bet they brought independent contractors in on that thing

They'd hire anybody who could do the job

Casualties of a war they had nothing to do with

Along come these left-wing militants that blast everything with their lasers

I'm a contractor myself

A [PROFESSION]'s personal politics come into play heavily when choosing jobs

I'm alive because I knew the risks involved in that particular client

Could never put my finger on it but something just wasn't right.

You knocked the casket over!

Her fucking body fell out!

He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick

Come on, haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?

You're as curious as the rest of us

I guess everyone gets curious and tries it sometime

You haven't said anything for like twenty minutes.

My life is in the shitter right about now, so if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit.

You should shit or get off the pot.

You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy

hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is.

If you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you

have to come in on your day off, then quit.

There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them.

This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself.

I'm satisfied with my situation for now.

Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.

I can't make changes like that in my life.

I'm not the kind of person that disrupts things in order to

shit comfortably.

Women as lovers are basically the same, they just have to be there

Making a male climax isn't at all challenging. Insert somewhere close, preferably moist. Thrust. Repeat.

What an embarrassing way to die.

Title does not dictate behavior

I think the idea or the conception of us dating is a lot more idyllic then what actually happens when we date.

You want to blame somebody? Blame yourself.

I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.

Oh, hey [NAME], break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya

Such a sordid state of affairs.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

[sunneinsplendor]

Chef Jeff Bread Pudding

Yes, I  took the time to recreate the bread pudding Jeff Blim’s chef character in 911 was making when he got impaled by an exploding whip cream canister, what’re you doing with your degree in quarantine? :p

All seriousness this was fun and I enjoyed doing it, so here’s 

a) a recipe for my best approximation of Chef Maurice Malone’s bourbon bread pudding with as many photos as I could do. 

b) some bonus features that you can add to this recipe that will make it better. I’m not telling a character that spent a minute and some change doing his best before being a table prop how to do his job.....except that I am. Sorry, but bourbon alone doesn’t make a winning dessert, fight me, Jeff chef.

c) a sidenote: I’m not using one of those nitro whip containers. They’ve literally killed people and you’ll never see one in my kitchen. Seriously. The death narrowly avoided in this episode happened to someone in 2017. Don’t use those fucking canisters. 

everything recipe-wise under the cut. It’s gonna be long.

OKAY. WELCOME to cooking in the fanbase!

First thing: Wash your hands. Not pictured but I’m sure with the pandemic we all know how to wash our damn hands.

Second thing: Gather our ingredients.

You will need:  Nutmeg, cinnamon, half and half, vanilla, two eggs, white and brown sugar, a loaf of bread that’s preferably a little stale, and bourbon. All the bourbon. 

his is for enough bread pudding to fill the containers shown, which are two little ramekins and one medium sized one. If you have no ramekins, congratulations, you made it this far in life without them! A muffin tin will work fine but won’t look the same. Cuz they’re bread pudding muffins now. Don’t worry about it, it’s gonna taste GREAT. 

Third thing: Making the batter. 

1 cup of half and half. You can sub out alternate milks for this probably but since I’m recreating a recipe done by a fake chef on a fake cooking show I’m assuming he’s going for gold here and making the richest dessert he can get away with. So. Dairy. Pour that in the bowl. Add 1/4 cup sugar, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, 1/8 tsp nutmeg. whisk all that together until the cinnamon stops being unsocial and actually combines with the milk. Add the two eggs, 1 tsp vanilla, and about 1 Tablespoon of bourbon. You can add more bourbon. Its ok, no one’s judging, but too much is gonna screw with the ratios so adjust if you need to for your intake, perhaps less vanilla?

Fourth thing: Bread.

Again, pretty sure you can adjust this for gluten free etc by switching out bread etc, but recreating Jeff Chef, so full-flour bread from wherever you wanna get stuff from. Any bread will do, lord knows most of us have decided to make bread at least once during this pandemic, so use that if you have it. I’m using about three fat slices, like so:

cut off loaf. Watch your fingers and use a serrated knife, you’ll get cleaner cuts and not want to tear your hair out with the loaf being squished or tearing or whatever.

Cube up. Repeat at least 2 more times. squish all that bread into all that battery goodness. Cover in plastic wrap after making sure all of it’s gotten a good soak in the batter, let it do it’s thing for a half hour at the shortest. 

BONUS FEATURES: If you want to add extra stuff to it like berries or whatever you can do that when we squish it all in the ramekins or muffin tins or what we choose to use. What I’m adding to mine is my favorite, and I feel like Chef Jeff would approve. SO. What you need is about a handful of dried cherries, some orange zest and about a shot glass full of bourbon.

Oh yeah. That’s the stuff. 

So what you’re gonna do with that is slow simmer it for about 5-10 minutes til most of the bourbon has been either cooked off or absorbed into those sexy little cherries. Put it to one side in a cup or something when it gets there, we need that pan back cuz we’re making bourbon caramel sauce.

Yeah buddy. 

Fifth thing: Caramel. Smallish caramel batch is gonna be: 1/2 cup white sugar. 2 Tablespoons of brown sugar. I’m using dark but it doesn’t matter much, I just like the molasses content of the dark more. Also we’re using a tablespoon of water. Yes the water is important. Sugar scorches if you glance at it wrong and the little bit of water makes it less likely to do the thing. So. Medium high heat to start, then a nice middle heat once everything starts cooking together. DO NOT LEAVE THIS ALONE FOR A SECOND. DON’T DO IT. DO NOT. Sugar is the most persnickety motherfucker to ever motherfuck and it will go from a gorgeous caramel to the thing that the fire alarm is gonna tell everyone you fucked up SO FAST. This shit gets WATCHED. GOT IT? Good. 

So when it looks like this (let’s say 15 minutes in? Something like that, you’ll know when it hits this color) you take it off the heat and stir in 1/2 cup of whipping cream that’s at room temperature. Yes that’s important. The colder the whipping cream is the more it’s gonna steam when it hits that molten lava we’ve just been coddling on the stove and it will burn the absolute fuck out of your hands. Room temp. Save your hands. Trust me. Stir fast but pour slow, it’s ok to have to add this in intervals. Return the pan to a really low heat and keep stirring until the inevitable sugar blobs have turned back into a smooth, pretty caramel.

Should stick to the back of a cold spoon like this. Add about a shot glass of bourbon to it and stir some more. The steam is gonna slap you in the face with alcohol flavor but don’t worry, most of it’s gonna cook off. Once all that’s mixed in, take it off the heat, let it hang out on the stove, it’s done for the moment. 

BACK TO THE BREAD PUDDING! 

Sixth thing: Put the bread pudding stuff in your containers for bread pudding!  Protip: Butter the insides. If you HAVE to use pan spray that’s fine but butter is better. Ghee or something similar will also be fine but I’m french chef trained and will go to my grave telling you to use fucking butter.

look how cute they are! The little guys are straight Chef Jeff ones but the big one is the Bonus Content one, that’s where our simmered cherries and orange zest went, mix it in with your hands when you’re portioning it all out, k?  OVEN TIME! The little guys are in at 350 degrees for 15 minutes then ratchet that oven up to 400 for another 15 minutes to finish. 

Lookin’ good, guys. Ok. Let those cool, we’ve got whipped cream to not get murdered by. 

1 cup whipping cream. 2 Tablespoons powdered sugar. Bourbon. Whip the shit out of it. Remember why you hate parts of your fucking major. Throw the whip in the sink and bust out the damn eggbeaters because screw continuity your forearms hurt. 

Voila. Whipped cream that no one got a nitro canister in the chest over.  Sidenote: If you wanna just get a can of Reddi Whip or whatever no one’s gonna judge. It won’t taste the same but it’s easier and frankly after a certain point you’ll wonder if the whipped cream by hand is worth it anyway but it is really goddamn good. 

PLATING! THING THE LAST!

(With apologies to the food stylist on 911, as I have no white plates and am making do with my green ones)

We did it, guys! Chef Maurice Malone’s (Chef Jeff’s) bread pudding, with no near deaths! Go out there and make your own, cuz this thing is DELICIOUS. 

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 26-30

been awhile since i’ve watched but.... another day, another emotional rollercoaster 

episode 26: her reason

who’s her and what’s her reason

bother him ALLLLL you want maria ross...bother him all day long

he deserves it

INVOICE HAHAHAHAHA

dont yell at maria fuck off!!!! 

GIRLY WHAT IS IZUMI DOING!!!!!!!! 

i screamed i did

i love sig and izumi sm!!!!!!

omg ed and al’s faces

PANINYAAAAAAA

why does she have an automail arm whAT

i feel almost insulted for paninya’s dope weapon legs

oh wait ive seen this arm wrestling scene before lmao

go paninya goooo

i do not tolerate this mr dominic slander

OH NO DO NOT INSULT QUEEN WINRY’S WORK

sucks to suck!!!!

i do think winry may have just fallen in love

ed is such a simp though

JUMBO????? his name iS JUMBO??????

al’s mousy little what?

yikes yeah you know what winry id be pissed too

she felt so good about her work!!!

crush over

jk theyre soulmates

wow roy ur so smart

damn oh ok they kept paninya’s legs too

so she only has 1 biological limb wow

paninya is definitely a lesbian 

we’ve all known that though i mean-----the camo pants

i saw paninya wearing army pants and flip flops, so i bought army pants and flip flops

oh my god winry you DEVIOUS BASTARD

i can see why people ship paninya and winry but im sorry im an edwin simp

young pinako is hot i get it dominic

OH MY GOD DEVIOUS

WINRY LMAO

GUN LEGS!

kill him?? pANINYA think about that before you shoot someone!!! 

AWWWWWW ED!!!! “best automail in the world!!!!” IM CRYING

“hello sir” alphonse you sweet boy

sheska u good???

OPE HEY CURTISES

ed why are you sad

omg winry dont cry!!!! 

hahahaha sig

THE BOYS’ FACES LMAO

episode 27: teacher

izumi time lets gooooooooooooo

the ominous music lolololol

THE WINDOW

WHERE IS ALPHONSE

HA

RIGHT THERE

ED’S FUCKING FACE HAHAHAHA

grumman!!!!!

STEW TONIGHT FUCK YEAH

xerxes drop

edward you are being so foreboding

izumi queen of my life lets go girl!!!

umbrella king sig curtis!!!

ed you dumbass!!!!!

angry face boys

mom dad and the kids on the train!!!! makes me cry

awww win’s gonna miss the dudes

omg havoc plzzzz

why is he calling riza like she doesnt already know shes going too

do not leave my boy falman behind!!!

oh good ok

mason my dude!!!

“yes maam”

this is UNCOMFORTABLE

guys i simp for sig tbh

omg al scary boy

uh oh she SAWWWWWWW you!!!

aww i forgot about the dead cat goddamnit

not THE KITTY

ok but those baby kittens need some MELK

its all over for you two watch out

cant hide JACK SHIT from mama bear

yikes

she gonna kick your ass oof

hugs oh thats nice

episode 28: all is one, one is all

island timeeee

wait theyre on island time PART 2???? ok

the way sig’s HAND---- anyway

ok so creepy naked child??

im suspicious

clearly the boys didnt read my hero academia 

or the three musketeers

al really got YEETED

yote?

oh the kid has clothes on. leaf clothes

i know dublith is in the “south” but is it really a tropical locale?

aww the bunny

“kill it”

owie hope you dont get rabies edward

the ost man so good for both series

al really said J’ACCUSE

they didnt know the masked man was mason the first time around? aight

im really having trouble typing and eating dumplings at the same time

might pause for a dumpling break

i made these in the microwave theyre pretty good

def not the best ive had but they were, ya know, microwaved

anyways sad al hours

YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR BROTHER????

it’s the circle of life simba

getting REAL philosophical rn

“dont call me small”

now we’re getting REAL scientific

im just imagining these idiots on shrooms rn

mannnnnnnnnnnn

WAIT IMAGINE LING YAO ON SHROOMS

wow what a yummy snake breakfast

izumi said 👁 👄 👁

izumi is so hot

that is the creepiest motherfucker i ever did see

ok im gonna go rinse this dish out be back in a min!!!

episode 29: the untainted child

i am the tainted adult

you SURE his parents are lookin?

i feel like izumi is being very loving towards this child

what happened to tough love bbygirl

im not saying shes not loving in her ways but shouldnt she by nature be a litttttleeee bit more sus of this kid???

dont tell me

this is sig and izumi’s “child”

theory pending

winry is such a protective lil egg

here’s whats cookin in my head

its sig and izumi’s child and ed’s arm and leg smooshed together into a homunculus...theory still pending but im definitely right

WHY DOES SIG SLEEP W HIS EYES OPEN SIR!!!!!!!

whole situation is a mess my dudes

what did u do kid????? 

“i know ed lies sometimes”

l oh fucking l

who transmutes themselves with a bed though

not the move kid

OPE

of course winry slept through this whole thing

sheska and elicia and gracia. my heart.

did the colonel just LEAVE HER BEHIND? god what a dick

sheska WENT OFFFFFFFF!!!!!!

yes maam!!!!!!!

u tell that dumbass!!!!!!

why does envy have to sit like that

gon make me SIMP

embarrassing

*debby ryan hair tuck meme*

i love the way al sits

hes so dainty

what a gent

oh that lil kid was in the gate!!!!

how a homunculus is born? please tell me more

ARCHER....my sister was texting me about him when she asked how far i was. i googled him i saw his....bod....

yup

ARM AND LEG CONFIRMED

my brain waves are unparalleled

ED REALLY JUST YEETED WINRY AND KABEDONED THE HOMUNCULUS

EDWARD STOPPPPPPPPPPPPP OMG

off goes the kid

BIDOOOOOOOOOOO <3

why is she upset??? what did you realize izumi

that its your baby??? probs

im just that smart

episode 30: assault on south headquarters

YOKI LMAO

seeing yoki and scar makes me miss mei chang

MEI CHANG SUPREMACY

yoki really about to snitch

BIDOOOOOO

everyone showing up this episode

greed is gonna roll up with a venti frappuccino any minute now

archer is a creep

is this footage from the arnold classic?

“the muscles did the talking for them”

archer is a creep

who ru calling a freak HAHA AL’s angwy voice

ope

how IS hughes doing

pls not the pain

how did this kid come into the corporeal world

armstrong what

OUROBOROS

so he’s either wrath or pride ig

i dont think bradley is a homunculus in this one

yoki is basically michael yagoobian aka the bowler hat guy

there’s greed lmao 

with the ladies

EW NO PLEASE GOD

I DONT WANT ANY MORE SHOU TUCKER

KIMBLEE WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK WHO CUT HIS HAIR LIKE THAT

WHO ALLOWED THAT I AM CHOKING

NOT THE MULLET PONYTAIL

izumi taking on the military

of course

kimblee JESUS 

bradley is EVERYWHERE at ALL TIMES

this is rOUGH

there are so many parties vying for the kid

i still cant get over kimblee like WHAT

WHAT IS HIS PURPOSE HERE

AGAIN it just seems like bradley is everywhere at all times