#emotional baggage from past relationships

[ripplestitchskein]

I didn’t watch the video and I won’t because I don’t enjoy their takes or the way they present their content so I may be missing some in video context but someone mentioned something that really struck me this morning in the tags. I don’t add on to posts as a general rule unless I really feel the need, and this is in no way meant as a call out for either source but I do want to address the general idea presented.

Stolas was never triggered by Stella yelling at him so he should not have been triggered by Blitz yelling at him.

There are a few very glaring things about this idea.

First the entire premise that a person wouldn’t have different reactions to different people in their life doing similar things is kind of silly on its face. There are a number of reasons why you would have a disproportionate reaction to being yelled at by one person over another.

Being yelled at by a stranger in a public confrontation is much different than being yelled at by someone you know in a space you consider safe, for example. Being yelled at by someone you consider physically intimidating is much different than being yelled at by someone you don’t. Being yelled at in a professional space is much different than being yelled at in a personal one. Etc. etc. etc. They all produce very different emotions and very different responses.

There are a number of contextual circumstances that will change how someone reacts to a similar situation as well. The most obvious to apply here is the relationship dynamic between the individuals.

On the one side we have Stella who Stolas in no way wants to be with, who he has been forced to be with for 17+ years, and who has seemed fairly consistent in her treatment of him over that time period. Where we see Stolas in the narrative is after many years of putting up with her behavior. Not only would Stella’s yelling be something Stolas is probably a bit inured to after dealing with it for so long, but he has also trained himself to change his behavior to keep the peace as it were. On top of that he has spent the past 17 years pushing down his own emotions and reactions to provide a family environment for his daughter. And we do see Stolas react negatively to her abuse, he flinches, he drinks excessively, he takes medication to regulate his mood, he backs away from her, he modulates his behavior to placate her.

Blitz on the other hand is someone Stolas is emotionally invested in. He cares for Blitz and while Blitz is abrasive and crude we don’t have examples of him outright yelling in anger at Stolas. He has also mentioned multiple times that Blitz is the one who broke him out of this repression. Of course he would react differently to Blitz versus Stella, they are literally the two opposites ends of a core character conflict he has.

We must also consider the power dynamic. Up until this point Blitz went out of his way to maintain their relationship, he deliberately avoided confrontation. He states this directly in his part of the duet, we see it in his text messages or the lack there of, we have evidence of it with the sex chest and his little shopping spree. So from Stolas’s point of view this person yelling at him now has only ever accommodated him or avoided him before, which, while also being a huge issue in their relationship, also escalates the moment when Blitz does push back and break down.

Stella has none of this baggage, her yelling does not reveal hard truths Stolas has to also deal with and confront. Stolas can justify his behavior with her because she never cared for him anyway, he did not hurt her with his actions. Stella’s yelling does not come from a place of hurt and betrayal regarding Stolas as she never cared for him or their marriage anyway. He did hurt Blitz however, and that hurt is being presented to him in a very aggressive way, and he had hoped up until this point that Blitz cared for him as well. So not only does he now realize Blitz doesn’t care for him (or that’s how he interprets it) but that he also views him in this really horrible way, as someone who takes advantage of those lesser than him, that he is pompous and unfeeling and cruel. He is the monster he feared being.

Which leads me to the next glaring difference. Stolas spent however long preparing for this moment where he revealed his feelings, he was hopeful and excited and nervous. He is then, in his mind, rejected. He is experiencing a range of emotions during this confrontation that all come to a boiling point.

With Stella her yelling is not a building confrontation of emotional ups and downs, it’s an environmental constant. In just a matter of minutes with Blitz he goes from nervous hope to rejection to realizing the person he cares for thinks really terrible things about him and the manner in which that is revealed is extremely charged. There is a world of difference between something you expect to happen (Stella yelling) and something you didn’t. Stolas has no idea Blitz had these feelings inside him, that’s part of the problem, and they were revealed to him in a very crushing and intense way.

We also have to consider that these are not real people reacting to the situation as real people might. This is a story being told to us and the writers and animators are presenting what is relevant to that narrative and these characters in a very concentrated way. They only have so long to get a point across and they must continue the story by contriving reactions we would not see in reality. In this episode and in the story overall so far we are given all the information we need to see it from both points of view and see why each of them reacted in the ways we did.

With storytelling of this nature you are not in the character’s heads so you much rely on actions, dialogue (which can be reliable or not) and environmental cues to get these points across. They did a phenomenal job in my opinion.

We have both of their mental headspace’s at the beginning presented in song, we get an idea of where they are at when the confrontation begins, and where they end up is a natural conclusion to the high emotions on display. The atmosphere is tense and dark, it’s a building anticipation with the music and the silence and the lightning being used, how the shots are framed. We get a sense of Blitz chasing him down, weaving through hallways and kicking open doors. It’s cinematic, because it’s a visual medium. Stolas HAD to remove Blitz from the situation in order to continue the narrative, he has magic in this story so he sends him away. In the real world there would be a lot of “Get out.” “No.” “I said get out” etc etc but that’s not interesting for the audience and in this world we have magic so whoosh, out he goes, the conflict continues into the next episode.

There are a number of things I could discuss related to domestic violence, or emotional triggers, or trauma responses but I don’t think that’s necessary here. Not only are these not real people and we are not privy to all of the baggage they have, how their individual brains process it and how they respond to it but the storytelling method is not conducive to those kind of real world considerations. What we do know is people react to different things in different circumstances with different people and the narrative absolutely justified Stolas’s response to Blitz and its contrast to his responses to Stella.

That is actually kind of the whole point?

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

[welcometoteyvat]

ykw ga-mings stories still make me emo i really need one of those good old character study comics rn

[celestialtarot11]

Astrology Observations 🧎‍♂️‼️

Hi friends! Today we’re just doing a general post for the astrological signs 🤭✨ Please enjoy and share! Your feedback is always appreciated.

Earth sign energy is heavy and dark, not negative, but they are very connected to their roots, ancestors and past lives. They carry lots of baggage from the past to heal in this lifetime, and thus may feel they lived through many timelines and cycles. They can feel similarly to Scorpio that experienced tons of transformations.

Libra moons can be indecisive in relationships, not because they have a bad sign placement but because they care a lot about people’s feelings. Sometimes too much to their detriment. They’d rather keep the peace than to rock the boat, but that’s what causes tension. Libra moons just need more confidence and security in their choices, and focus on themselves 🧘

Cancer Venus from a young age experienced misunderstandings from the people around them. Cancer venus wants a close community and people who understand their emotions, but in an emotionally unavailable society they can feel neglected and lonely. Its why cancer venus develops walls to protect their heart. They still care, but it takes them a long time to open up.

Virgos remember little details of everyone and hope they can do the same for them. They essentially give what they need and Virgos need attention and someone who creates quality time.

Gemini venus crave communication and mental stimulation in their connections. They love to learn and interact with people. Gemini Venus can also experience lots of isolation or periods of alone time because they aren’t finding the right people to connect to. They’d rather be alone than to have surface level interaction and filler conversations.

Leo + Aquarius pairing in a chart can indicate the native is truly unique and unforgettable. They strive so much to be themselves that it inspires others to do so. Some may even idolize the native, and others can get jealous because the native has qualities they wish they had. The native basically inspires others to get a personality 💅🏻

Mercury 8h can be so funny. We can get picky about what personal info to leave in the outside world. Even the idea of leaving behind our birthday info can irk us 😭 why? I think being in the spotlight or being perceived can be difficult for us.

Adding onto that, mercury 8h can channel spirits, occult knowledge, spirit guides, etc. when they tap in, they TAP in. They did not come to play 😍 All they need is a good meditation sesh and they’re good to go 🧘 all powered up.

Jupiter 8h can go through so many endings and terrible situations and still somehow come out stronger and better. They take their healing and growth seriously, and I think Jupiter 8h people have big hearts, so they always reconnect with that energy which is what carries them 😤

Cancer + Leo in a chart makes someone mystical, ethereal, private, yet somehow well known. There will always be an aspect to these natives to hide to protect themselves, and yet their Leo side will try to guide them out their comfort zone.

Aries rising females always knew who they were since birth 🤭 they could’ve photographed a lot, dressed up a lot, and it’s iconic. Since birth they knew! Aries rising females can be human rights activists too, because they have strong opinions, perspectives and believe in empowerment. Aries rising females may also be into modeling, because since a young age they were surrounded by cameras and people who thought they were beautiful ❤️

Aquarius rising children always look upset in their pictures or they have that thousand mild yard stare 😭 help #me

Sagittarius rising children always had that mischievous look on their face in every picture, or they looked incredibly angry. They had no issue letting their true selves out 😤

Pisces women tend to move far from their home town or childhood home. Lots of them have dreams of living far away from their roots. I think its to discover who they are and rebuild themselves after going through a lot. They physically need to disconnect from toxic environments to heal.

Gemini sun women are like teachers in many ways. Especially when they’ve healed a lot. They can be a teacher to the siblings around them or people. Many turn out to be motivational speakers because they have so much wisdom to share.

Thank ya’ll so much for reading 💗☮️ feel free to like comment and reblog to support the blog 🧘✨ Have a great one!

Paid Readings ✨

[theleotarot]

How Your Person Of Interest Sees/Thinks/Feels About You

Choose the image you are most drawn to or resonate most with… pile 1, pile 2, & pile 3 ✨

——————————————————————————

Pile 1

(Knight of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, Three of Wands, Knight of Swords, The Unknown Card, Three of Swords, Mentor, Plane, & Thriving)

Hi Pile 1! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Your person of interest sees you as someone who is very hardworking in all areas of your life. Perhaps, right now you are pursuing a degree or job, or maybe you are working towards a goal that requires lots of resilience and financial responsibility. Your person sees you very successful as well. I am also getting this energy that they may think you are above them in some way, whether it be financially, emotionally, or mentally. I really think they do look up to you in every way regardless if you feel like you are struggling yourself or you feel like you can do better. They see you as someone who is very helpful to other people and the community. Your job or every day work may involve with interacting and helping people out, and this is confirmation that this is your pile! They might find you very funny and young at heart as well. I'm getting that some of you may not think you're funny, but your person definitely thinks that you are. I'm getting that you may be the type of person to also laugh things off when you feel scared or hurt, it's kind of like a coping mechanism, only for some. Besides that though, I really do think your person sees you as someone who radiates bright energy and that's why people and even animals enjoy being around you. Not only they see you as bright energy, but they also see you as someone who attracts very much positive things into your life, again, abundance, school, work, you name it. What your person thinks about you is that you have a huge future ahead of you, and you have the ability to achieve your goals if you just go for it. I believe that they also think that you are very good with your words. Again, I keep getting this energy from your person of interest that they do not think they are as good as you. Honestly, I feel like they are intimidated by your potential and success. I believe that your person is going through something difficult or heartbreaking. It may be because of a separation, insecurities, or any kind of past trauma, but it is unknown. I think that this difficulty they are facing has an affect on how they feel about you. I do think that their feelings for you are developing though. I think that this person just cannot show your their full interest or attention because they need to focus on themselves more. Even though they are facing their own difficulties, I do believe you cross their mind, and their feelings for you have potential in growing into something bigger within time. Overall, I feel like your person sees you as a light in their life. They really look up to your for your positivity and ambitions. I think that once they get their life together and feel better about themselves, their feelings for you will escalate and they will start to show how they truly feel.

——————————————————————————

Pile 2

(Ten of Wands, Ten of Cups, The Fool, King of Wands, Eight of Swords, The Magician, Shape-Shifter, Flowers, & Transformation)

Hi Pile 2! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Okay pile 2, before I start your reading, I just want to say that this is the sweetest pile. 🥺 Okay let's carry on. Your person sees you as someone who carries or has carried a lot of baggage on themselves. Perhaps, you have struggled financially or educationally, or you have really struggled with your family or friend relationships. I also get this energy from you that part of your baggage has something to do with the fact that you always put others as a priority rather than yourself. You are always sacrificing yourself, even if it costs you your happiness. Even though you've been through so much emotional baggage, you continue to persevere through adversity, and your person of interest definitely sees this about you. They see how hard your life has been, yet you find the power to proceed with your life, and they find this absolutely inspiring about you. It's like, you have the choice to stay in despair and yearn for a better life, but you choose the opposite and make changes to your life to be happy instead. Your person sees that you have amazing grit and can also adapt to your environment, whether it be difficult or easy. They might also see you as someone who is very emotional and someone who wants to have their own family and children in the future. They can see you feminine as well. The way that your person sees you is very warm and precious. There are lots of pink and purple in your reading pile 2, so this means that your person sees you very delicate and they are really romantically connected with you too. I think they think you are confident in your actions as well, and whatever risks or actions you take, you are able to go through with it. I think your person thinks you're very playful as well. Even though sometimes you may feel stressed or upset about certain things in your life, your person knows that inside of you, at the very core of you, you are actually a very warm, delicate, loving, affectionate, and playful individual. I think that they believe that you deserve the best, pile 2, especially since you've gone through so much. They also think of you as a flower. Not only are they beautiful and delicate, but they're also a product of growth and transformation. Your person not only sees you for your beauty but for also all your hard work, tenacity, and sacrifice. Pile 2, I believe that your person has very romantic feelings for you, but they do not know how to come forward with it towards you. I believe that they want to turn your bond with them into something more, but they are intimidated at the same time. I think that maybe you have a chance to come forward instead, and this will save your person a headache lol because they feel for you so much. One more message I'm getting is that they see you as a butterfly. Again, you have transformed so much in your life. You may have felt stuck in the past and over worried, but you will grow into your wings and you'll be set free to fly. Your reading is beautiful pile 2. Your person deeply feels for you.

——————————————————————————

Pile 3

(King of Pentacles, The Hermit, The Star, Seven of Cups, The Tower, Four of Wands, Servant, Unity, & Protection)

Hi pile 3! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Your person of interest finds you very, very attractive, and maybe even very addicting pile 3! I say this because The Devil card popped out twice in the back of the deck. You're quite appealing to them I would say. 😏 Anyway, I think you give off independent vibes to your person. You're very successful, and you're independent. You're not a loner, you're in solitude. There's a big difference between those two. I think they see you as someone who does not take bs either (I'm getting that some of you here are more mature so I can insert bs here lolol). I think they see you as someone very helpful to others. Maybe you are a people pleaser, for some? I just got that. Your person also might see you as quite mysterious. You may be more of the quiet type, and they are intrigued by you. They just want to know more and more about you. I get the feeling that your person also thinks that you may have a lot of people lined up for you in regard to romantic partners. Your person may think that they don't even have a chance with you because you're so hot lol. They do think of you as a star though. You radiate light in their life, and I think that they may admire you from a distance, and they keep their feelings to themselves at times. I think that when you or if you have conversations with them, they will feel very emotionally connected with you. Your conversations with them are easy, and they feel like they can open up to you about pretty much anything comfortably. I think this is what separates you from others. You just get them in a way that no one else does, this pertains to your conversations with them, as well as your looks. 😉 One random thing, I think they might like your hands lol. Your person's feelings for you are strong pile 3, it's a given here. I think they did not expect to be this attracted to you though. Maybe some people here are in a work or classroom environment with your person, and your relationship with them could almost feel "taboo" but they can't help but be so drawn to you. Another situation I’m seeing here is a friend dynamic. Just take what resonates. I think that your person does really want something more with you though. I think if you two were together, they would really make it known to the world that you are theirs and they would celebrate your love lol. They also feel very protective over you. Even if you are already strong on your own and independent, your person still wants to be the one to protect you at all costs and even be your knight in shining armor. I believe that your bond with this person does have potential to lead to something more pile 3, even if you do not talk to them, the both of you still have potential together. Overall, they are so attracted to you pile 3. Do you ever have that person that you like so damn much that they are ruining your life???!! Yeah, that's you to them. Lol.

——————————————————————————

[nymphia-tarot]

Who is your future spouse?

pile 1 ----> pile 2

pile 3 ----> pile 4

hello!! this reading will be all about your fs and your future relationship. this might contain slight nsfw in some of the piles! i keep my readings completely gender-neutral! meditate on the pics and choose whichever one calls to you. if you feel drawn to more than one pile you might have messages in them for you! if you don't feel particularly drawn to anyone, this reading might not be for you perhaps. since this is a general reading, take what resonates! 🩷

🐇 ‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹ 🐇

1. Pile 1

Wow pile 1, right off the bat I'm getting that your future spouse is someone who is very abundant-- both in terms of material wealth and emotionally. They're someone who likes to give and may do a lot of charity work too. They might be used to being a provider for their family, or being like the role model. They have a lot of expectations on them and they're the kind who's used to supporting others and they're proud of it. They have a lot to give and they know it themselves. They have a very magnetic presence, very charming, and they have this ability to make people feel like they're special. They're also very passionate when it comes to you! I'm getting Leo and/or Pisces vibes. I'm also getting like, your FS is very good-looking (getting brown or darker shades of colour for hair) and they might have a lot of suitors after them or they might be really experienced when it comes to romance.

They have a lot of passionate feelings towards you 😳 I feel like they're the one who takes the lead in this relationship (mostly in the bedroom). You're like a wish-fulfillment to your FS or vice versa. I feel like you guys will meet at a time where one of you guys is going through a hard time, where it feels like there's no way out and the other is going to be a gentle guiding light. This pile also has a bit of sexual energy but that's probably because your FS is just... really full of feelings lol. Also getting they might have a slight jealous/competitive streak where they want to be the best you've ever had. Not getting anything toxic though so dw! They really love pleasing you though and their love language might be acts of service/gift giving + physical touch. They might be the one to take the initiative when it comes to wooing you and might try a lot to impress you. They like buying you nice stuff a lot and would probably spend a lot on you. I'm getting they just really like pampering people they love.

2. Pile 2

Pile 2's FS feels like someone with a lot of emotional baggage, or like their past is haunting them in a way (maybe a bad past breakup?). Still, they're someone who's more on the logical side and it feels as if they might try to rationalize their feelings a lot. They also come across as an introvert or others view them as a bit detached or loners. They might be an air sign (Aquarius or Libra?) or have air placements even if it's not their sun sign. They feel very sharp, intellectual and cuts through bullshit easily. Very to the point, direct and blunt as well. Their sharp tongue might get them in a bit of trouble in social settings. They might have a super intense-looking face/vibes or like, high cheekbones. I'm getting tall too, or even if not really tall they have "tall vibes" in the sense that they might come across as a bit intense-- just something about them feels very imposing and authoritative. I'm also getting they might be from a foreign country, different state or just a different culture from you guys. Traveling is def involved somehow.

You two might meet at the workplace or at some formal setting. I'm getting this is someone who's into more traditional conventions and relationships and they might even be super loyal and committed. I'm getting earth Venus sign. They might not be overtly romantic because they're bad at expressing themselves since they keep such a tight hold on their feelings. However, I'm getting they might be very reliable during times of need, like a strong guiding force that pushes you onto the right path. They're very mentally strong people as they might have had to deal with a lot of hardships in life. They have a lot of love for you though, and when you get into a relationship, they might want to solidify it through marriage. They're the type who believes in practicality and actions, so marriage might be a way for them to really be sure of your love. Honestly, this relationship might not be the most smooth-sailing but there will be a lot of valuable life lessons involved. I feel like you guys will come out more mature and wise from this. This def feels like a karmic/fated connection in a way.

3. Pile 3

Pile 3 your FS feels like someone who is on the more materialistic side of life. They might be a party animal and they seem super free-spirited and independent. They might have a lot of wealth but they're also kinda possessive over their belongings. They're actually quite emotional and intense too. They're very strong-willed, like hardships and what society thinks rarely phases them. Very unconventional people overall. They might be the type who doesn't like being chained by norms and expectations. I'm getting for some of you, they might be a sex worker too. And for some, they might just have a really successful business which got them a lot of wealth. They might have a tendency to overspend though so there's warnings regarding finances. Overall, they come across as a bit hedonistic and maybe even a bit immature at times.

I feel like you two really balance each other out in this relationship. You guys might even be a bit opposite of each other. For looks, they might have somewhat soft features or look really gentle and elegant. I'm getting that for some of you, your FS might've been in an abusive situation before you guys got together or they might've been the victim of some sort of exploitation. They might also have a very soothing voice. I feel like a big theme or overall lesson in this connection is regarding balance and harmony, and letting go of what doesn't serve you anymore. Your FS will go through or has gone through a major change in life which will make them grow stronger and more abundant (I'm getting cutting ties with a male authority figure?). I'm also getting that they're someone who will sacrifice a lot for the sake of you guys' relationship and they will try their hardest to protect the happiness and balance in it. It's something they really want to fight for and preserve at all costs.

4. Pile 4

Pile 4 might be dealing with a Gemini or Libra (maybe both in charts). I'm getting they might be a bit younger than you in age or even if not younger, less experienced in life. They come across as someone who's very harmonious and agreeable. Overall, they have a very flighty energy about them. They might be someone who daydreams a lot or has difficulty in keeping themselves grounded. They tend to have a lot of ideas but get bored quickly, it's like the mundane and simplicity bores them. They might not be very materialistic though and I'm getting they might find dealing with practical matters a bit difficult due to their tendency to keep their head in the clouds. They might also be a bit reckless. Also probably kinda bad with directions lol and they might get lost a lot. Kinda clumsy?

I'm getting your relationship might be a bit unconventional. Sugar daddy/mommy vibes? For a small percentage of yall at least but it's like you'll be the one who pampers them. For others, it feels like a fling or rebound initially. I'm getting you might actually be the first person they get with or they're a bit inexperienced. One of you might get a bit possessive/obsessed or too attached here (I'm mostly getting it's them). I'm also getting that at one point in this relationship, you might have to make a choice. What that choice is will be revealed to you in time. Your person might view you as someone impactful, or someone who brought a major change in their life.

[starhoppin]

pick a picture; what makes you different from your future spouse's previous partners

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

disclaimer; this is a general reading! these messages may not fit everyone. please take what resonates and leave the rest.

「 pile one」

temperance rv (cb: death, the chariot), king of cups (cb: the magician, six of swords rv), strength rv (cb: wheel of fortune, two of cups rv)

one thing that makes you different from your future spouse's previous partners is that you're willing to work on the relationship. specifically, you're willing to work on yourself. your future spouse may have dated people in the past who always made promises that they'd change their behavior if it was hindering their relationship, but they never actually followed through with their promises. however, you will immediately start implementing those changes because you understand the importance of your connection. you're also emotionally mature/balanced. you've worked through your problems and won't allow the past to affect your relationship with your future spouse. they may have dated people who have brought emotional baggage into their relationship. because you differ in that aspect, there is a lack of confusion in your connection. your future spouse may have also dated people who suffer from self-doubt issues that ultimately put a strain on the relationship. specifically, their self-doubt manifested as jealousy and caused them to be controlling of your future spouse. whilst you have a healthy self-esteem which leads you to talk through potential problems with your future spouse instead of resorting to those measures.

「 pile two」

two of pentacles (cb: seven of swords, the lovers), eight of wands (cb: judgement, ten of pentacles), ten of wands rv (king of swords rv, eight of swords)

first thing that i heard was "one true love." i think your future spouse may have dealt with cheating or dishonest partners in the past. however, you are their person; their partner and equal in every way. you and your future spouse are very open with each other. i heard "dream team" lol. you work together through challenges. you are partners in every meaning of the word. i cannot emphasize enough how much this person cares about you. it's like any words i choose just fall flat and don't do justice to their feelings. you're different from their previous relationships in terms of passion. you sparked something in them; you're everything in this person's eyes. their previous partners are nothing compared to you. your future spouse's previous partners may have played mind games with them, leaving them stressed out and burdened. but you aren't like that. you're clear with your intentions and don't mess around when it comes to your connection.

「 pile three」

page of wands rv (page of cups, three of cups), the emperor (cb: ten of cups, the moon rv), the star (cb: the magician rv, five of cups)

your future spouse's previous partners may have been solely interested in the physical aspects of their connection. however, you're different because you're interested in the emotional aspects. your future spouse views you as both their best friend as well as their partner. you fulfill this person completely. they may not have had a traditional "relationship" until they meet you - perhaps, flings/situationships/failed talking stages, etc, but never really connected with anyone on a deep emotional level. i'm getting that they never really felt like they could open up to someone until they met you. you made your future spouse believe in love again. they may not have had the best of luck in terms of romance which left them disillusioned. you reignited their passion and desire to pursue a relationship.

tarot deck used in this reading: cirque du tarot

[bblovetarot]

{𖨆♡ 𖨆} Who will be your next partner?

ʚ ═══･୨ꕤ୧･═══ ɞ Pick a Pile ʚ ═══･୨ꕤ୧･═══ ɞ 

. ༄ . paid readings . ༄.

。°⚠︎°。follow your intuition when choosing a pile. if you're drawn to more than one pile, that's okay! you may have messages in more than one.

。°⚠︎°。tarot readings are not 100% accurate, and do not dictate your future. please keep in mind that you have free will. these readings are also general and aren't specific to one person, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't! 

Pile 1

Pile 1, your future partner seems like a bit of a mystery wrapped in a dream. They're the creative type, always eager to lend a hand but not so great at asking for help themselves. It seems they've been through the wringer in love before, maybe coming out of a tough situation when you meet them. This person feels things deeply, maybe even gets lost in their emotions sometimes. They might seem distant to others, but that's just because they struggle to express what's going on inside. Misunderstood as aloof, they're actually just wrestling with a jumble of feelings. Despite this, they're not ones to shy away from adventure. They've got a spark for exploration, a childlike wonder that's both bold and brave. When it comes to decisions, they're all about following their heart, even if it leads them into uncharted territory. So, get ready for a partner who's a bit of an enigma, but with a heart full of courage and a spirit yearning for new experiences.

Pile 2

Pile 2, your potential match is a real go-getter, always aiming to steer their own ship. They might seem a tad controlling, but really, they just value their independence and don't like being told what to do. Rebels at heart, they're not big on following the crowd or taking advice from others – they trust their gut above all else. They're come off as confident and may have a bit of an ego. They might prefer short-term flings over long-term commitments, relishing their freedom and not feeling the need to settle down. They could be a bit of a catch, with plenty of admirers vying for their attention. Living life on the edge is their style, always chasing the next thrill. Yet, beneath that daredevil exterior lies some emotional baggage from past hurts. They might not have fully dealt with it, which sometimes leads them to push the limits. Despite this, they handle it with grace, giving off an air of composure. They're more laid-back than they let on, though, trusting their intuition and going with the flow. Life's too short to sweat the small stuff, and they're all about making the most of every moment. Your next partner is someone who has equal parts spontaneous and soulful, ready to dive into life headfirst and enjoy the ride.

Pile 3

Pile 3, your next partner might not be so new after all – you might already know them. It could be someone you've had a bit of a break from. Work seems to have been a big priority for them, maybe even causing some strain in your relationship. You both decided to take some time apart, but it was always with the understanding that it wasn't goodbye forever. This isn't a case of ghosting; it's more like a mutual agreement to hit pause for a while. Deep down, you both know there are things that need to be hashed out, conversations waiting to happen. They've been sending mixed signals, leaving you feeling a bit confused and maybe even rejected. But hey, you've moved past that – your gut tells you there's more to this story. It's time to have that heart-to-heart you've been putting off. Who knows? There could be some big revelations waiting for both of you. Despite the ups and downs, you trust your intuition when it comes to this person. So, get ready to dive back in and see where this journey takes you.

[ghouljams]

@rat1537 got in first here's some Soap angst.

Soap can't take himself or you seriously, you begin to wonder what that means for your relationship.

You pause the show you'd been watching, held close against Soap's side with his thumb stroking your shoulder. It's perfectly comfortable, and absolutely suffocating. If this were any other time you'd be happy to sit and shut out the rest of the world with a man who made you happy. The only problem is you can't shut out the world right now. It's almost impossible to shut it out when you've had such a horrible day. All you really wanted to do was cry to your boyfriend, but when he'd parroted back you, "how was your day" you'd told him what you always told him.

"Fine."

Never mind that you'd just spent the last twenty minutes listening to him bitch about his job and how hard things have been: how he got into a row with Gaz and got put on janitorial, how someone stole his last snack from the barrack's kitchen, how his mum is bothering him about this and that. Just complaint upon complaint. You'd given the right "that's awful" and "I'm so sorry baby" and you'd coached yourself on giving him the same thing, but when it had really come to it you'd faltered. Fine. You're always fine.

You're low maintenance, you're easy, you're the partner that doesn't take any more work than they deserve. Johnny never pushes further, and even when you say you had a rough day he barrels right past you. There's something black behind your ribs, something resentful that makes you wonder if he sees you as a partner or as a therapist he can fuck. So you sit on the couch cuddled close and pause the telly. He glances down at you, and raises a brow at your serious face before grinning.

"You want something pet?" He asks, and you struggle to get the words out. You worry your lip, eyes darting over his face to try and get a read on whether he'd actually be receptive to a serious conversation.

"Can we talk?" You ask, hoping that might bring him to your level.

"Talkin' right now," He says, but his face falls a little. Your heart hurts seeing him sad, a response he's so deftly honed after months of dating. You want to tell him it's nothing, that you're fine, brush your emotions aside like you always do. You shouldn't, but you want to.

"I had a bad day," you start. You want to get your bearings first, find where you stand. Johnny's a good guy, you can give him the benefit of the doubt. He's a good boyfriend, he loves you. You don't know why you have to convince yourself of that.

"Ahm sorry to hear that," He coos. His hand cups your cheek and tips your head forwards to kiss your forehead. You feel a weight lift off your shoulders. "You know what would make ya feel better?" He asks, his voice comforting, soft, you shake your head, "A blowie."

You pull back to look at him. He's smiling like he's the funniest motherfucker in the room. You stare, your stomach churning and tears pushing at the back of your eyes. The last thing you want is his dick in your mouth.

"I'm being serious," You tell him, "I- I had a really bad day, and I want some- some fucking-" you growl at your inability to get the words out, your tears starting to feel insistent and you emotions hysteric, "-sympathy, or comfort from my boyfriend."

Johnny's face falls again, like you've hurt him. "Just a joke," He grumbles, his eyes leave you to look back at the television.

"I listen to you," You remind him.

"I'm listening." But he isn't, he's not even looking at you. You may as well spill your heart to a brick wall. Why do you have to carry his baggage but he won't even look at yours? How are you supposed to maintain a relationship with a man who doesn't take you seriously? Who doesn't see you as an equal partner?

"Do you even care about me?" You feel your heart clench, your lip wobbling. You have to sniff to keep the tears on your lashes from pouring out your nose. Johnny's head snaps to you.

"Of course I do," He placates, "I love you."

"I just, I had a bad day and you won't even look at me." The tears start to fall, your throat as tight as your chest. You hate crying, hate the mess and the way it makes Johnny look at you, like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

"You're just better at the emotional stuff," He tries, "I'm doin' mah best."

"Well then your best isn't good enough," You realize it as you say it. Things are never fine with Johnny. His moods impact yours, the irritation he brings home bleeds into you. You wonder when that started to happen. When the man that seemed so carefree, the one the swept you off your feet on the first date, that bought you flowers and rubbed your feet, became so comfortable in dismissing you. When did he realize he didn't have to try anymore? When did you start thinking you deserved that?

"Come on baby," Johnny huffs. You stare at him, the realization settling in. You don't love him anymore, not like you did. He's a chore, a man you do everything for and expect nothing in return from, because expecting something only leads to disappointment. "I love you," He repeats the words, they sting to hear.

"I think you should go," You can hear the tightness in your voice as your vision starts to swim.

"Ahm not gonna leave while you're upset." It's too little too late, but moving Johnny when he's convinced himself is nearly impossible.

You stand up and walk to the door of your apartment. He doesn't follow you, but why would he? He knows from practice that you'll cave to his wishes if he just chips at it long enough. You grab your phone, wallet, keys, and lock the door behind you.

[obsidian-pages777]

Pick a Card: What do you need to know about your most recent or current relationship. Pick a Sabrina Carpenter Image

Left to Right Top Row-> Pile 1 and Pile 3.

Left to Right Bottom Row-> Pile 3 and Pile 4

[Bonus: Taylor Swift Gifs for each pile]

In this world of duality, it is natural to encounter challenges in relationships. The following is an energy read of your current or most recent relationship which might have an impact on you in your current energy field. All in all what matters is the journey not just the destination.

================================================================================================

Pile 1: The Tower, Five of Cups, The Sun

Reading: The Tower card indicates that your current or most recent relationship has undergone a significant upheaval or unexpected change. This might have been a sudden breakup, a shocking revelation, or a major argument. The Tower represents the destruction of old structures to make way for new ones, suggesting that whatever has happened was necessary for your growth and transformation. This change, while painful, is an opportunity to rebuild on a stronger foundation.

The Five of Cups points to feelings of loss and regret. It suggests that you may be focusing on what has gone wrong in the relationship rather than seeing what still remains. This card encourages you to acknowledge your grief but also to shift your focus towards healing and finding hope. The Sun card brings a message of optimism and renewal. Despite the challenges, there is a bright future ahead. The Sun suggests that clarity, joy, and happiness are possible if you allow yourself to heal and embrace new beginnings with a positive mindset.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Transformative: They bring significant change and help you grow through challenges.

Optimistic: Despite hardships, they have a sunny disposition and bring joy into your life.

Resilient: They have the ability to bounce back from difficulties and inspire you to do the same.

Cons:

Unpredictable: Their actions can be sudden and disruptive, leading to instability.

Focused on Loss: They may dwell on negative aspects and struggle with letting go of past hurts.

Intense: Their presence and influence can be overwhelming and emotionally taxing.

================================================================================================

Pile 2: The Lovers, Three of Swords, Temperance

Reading: The Lovers card signifies a deep connection and mutual attraction in your current or most recent relationship. This card highlights the importance of harmony, balance, and making choices that align with your values and desires. The Lovers also suggest that this relationship was or is significant in your life journey, teaching you important lessons about love and partnership.

The Three of Swords indicates heartbreak, betrayal, or emotional pain. This card reveals that there may have been issues of trust or miscommunication that led to sorrow. It’s important to acknowledge these wounds and give yourself time to heal. Temperance advises finding balance and moderation in your emotional responses. It encourages you to practice patience and to seek harmony within yourself. Healing will come through a balanced approach, blending the lessons learned with forgiveness and self-care.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Deep Connection: They create a profound and meaningful bond, emphasizing love and harmony.

Romantic: They express their feelings deeply and are often very loving and attentive.

Balanced: They strive for harmony and balance in their relationships, promoting mutual growth.

Cons:

Heartbreaking: They may cause or experience significant emotional pain and betrayal.

Indecisive: Their need for balance might make them hesitant and unsure in making decisions.

Healing Required: They might bring baggage from past relationships that needs time to heal.

================================================================================================

Pile 3: The Empress, Knight of Cups, Seven of Wands

Reading: The Empress card suggests that your current or most recent relationship was nurturing and abundant. This relationship brought out your caring and supportive nature, and there was a strong emphasis on growth and mutual support. The Empress encourages you to continue nurturing yourself and those around you, even if the relationship has ended or is undergoing challenges.

The Knight of Cups represents romantic gestures and emotional expression. It suggests that there was a lot of passion and idealism in the relationship. However, this knight also reminds you to balance romantic ideals with practical realities. The Seven of Wands indicates that you may have faced challenges or opposition in the relationship. It suggests that standing your ground and defending your values was necessary. This card encourages you to stay resilient and maintain your integrity, even in the face of difficulties.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Nurturing: They are caring and supportive, fostering growth and well-being.

Romantic: They are expressive and passionate, making grand gestures of love.

Resilient: They stand their ground and are willing to fight for what they believe in.

Cons:

Overprotective: Their nurturing nature might become overbearing or controlling.

Idealistic: Their romantic ideals may not always align with reality, causing disappointment.

Defensive: They might be overly defensive and resistant to change or criticism.

================================================================================================

Pile 4: The High Priestess, Four of Pentacles, Ace of Swords

Reading: The High Priestess card indicates that intuition and inner wisdom played a significant role in your current or most recent relationship. There may have been secrets or things left unsaid that influenced the dynamics. The High Priestess encourages you to trust your inner voice and seek deeper understanding of the situation through reflection and meditation.

The Four of Pentacles suggests that there may have been issues around control, security, or holding on too tightly. This card points to a need to examine where you might be clinging to the past or to certain expectations. Letting go of what no longer serves you is crucial for your personal growth. The Ace of Swords brings clarity and truth. It suggests that a new perspective or breakthrough is on the horizon. This card encourages clear communication and the pursuit of truth, both with yourself and others. Embrace this clarity to make informed decisions about your relationship's future.

Characteristics of the Partner:

Pros:

Intuitive: They are deeply intuitive and insightful, often understanding things on a deeper level.

Secure: They value stability and security, creating a solid foundation in the relationship.

Clear Communicator: They value truth and clarity, promoting honest communication.

Cons:

Secretive: They might keep things hidden or be difficult to read, leading to misunderstandings.

Possessive: Their need for security might manifest as possessiveness or control.

Blunt: Their directness can sometimes be harsh or hurtful, lacking sensitivity.

[starstruckmiraclekitty]

Simon wasn't one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Emotions weren't a strong suit of his, and he'd learned throughout the years how to keep the past buried. Throughout your relationship, he'd kept himself very reserved, only letting you in on small parts of his life and his troubled past.

He never wanted to burden you with the things he'd endured, as a small part of him worried you wouldn't love him because of it, or that you simply wouldn't be able to handle all of his baggage, so he kept it inside. That wasn't to say it didn't weigh on him though. To carry that much baggage took its toll on the man, and some nights were worse than others.

~

You heard a knock on your door late at night, drawing your attention away from the show you were watching.

You scuffled your fluffy sock covered feet to the door, and peeked through the peephole to find your boyfriend Simon on the other side.

You unlocked the door and opened it, causing Simon to turn and look at you. He looked disheveled. His mask was off displaying stubbled cheeks and dark circles under his eyes.

He started at you a long moment before engulfing you in a hug. It took you a moment to process, as it was not often he showed any sort of physical affection. You breathed in his scent, and you stood on your toes as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

You stood there for some time, Simon clearly not wanting to let you go, as his tight grip on you did not falter in the slightest.

"Are you okay?" You asked quietly, pulling away to meet his eyes.

Simon took a moment before answering. He didn't want to scare you away, but he needed you now more than ever. "No."

You nodded your head and grabbed his wrist to pull him inside. He followed you wordlessly, and proceeded to sit on the couch as you instructed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You asked, sitting on your knees in front of him, stroking his clasped hands.

Simon said nothing, as he let his head hang down slightly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

"Okay, you know what we are gonna do? I'm gonna go make some brownies, I'll pop open a bottle of wine, and we can watch some trashy reality show to drown out your thoughts, okay?'

He gave you a small nod as you gave him a kiss on his nose before making your way to the kitchen.

He took in his surroundings as you started the brownies, sighing deeply. There was always something comforting about being in your presence. He knew he didn't deserve you, your kind touches and gentle heart, but my God, he'd stay by your side for as long as you'd let him.

~

Later on, as the two of you fried your brains with reality TV and ate all the brownies you could handle, Simon slowly went to lay his head on your lap.

You smiled warmly down at him and started to massage his scalp gently. Simon relaxed, truly, for the first time that night, and he nuzzled his head into your legs.

He let his mind wander to you, and a warm feeling filled his insides. He turned his head to you slightly. "I love you."

You let out a silent gasp, and tears started to form in your eyes. It was the first time in your year long relationship he'd ever said those three words to you.

"I love you too, Simon Riley. Always."

Simon smiled to himself before returning his head to your thighs, as you continued to thread your fingers through his hair softly.

As he laid there, he finally was able to realize that being taken care of by someone you love, might not be such a bad thing after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a lil blurb of Simon telling you he loves you for the first time. Thinking of making it for the rest of the gang too🙈

[gjenkatarot]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 💌 Your next significant relationship.

Tarot masterlist | Paid services

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

⋆ Pile one ⋆

Your next meaningful connection might involve someone entirely new to you, a person whose depths you have yet to fully explore. This individual may carry the weight of deep childhood traumas or unresolved emotional baggage, some of which can be quite profound and challenging to navigate. For some of you, this person may have unfinished business with you or vice versa, someone who harbours grudges and finds forgiveness to be a difficult journey. Your significant other may possess great restraint and self-control, demonstrating resilience in the face of life's trials. While they tend to avoid confrontation, their ability to do so requires a considerable amount of mental strength. They frequently temper their ego and approach life's decisions with a rational mindset, seeking coherence and logic in all things. Engaging in intellectually stimulating conversations, where they can showcase their intelligence, is something they relish. Their approach combines both intellect and emotion, even though their words may occasionally come across as sharp or cold, often unintentionally. This person may struggle to release grievances, finding it challenging to move forward due to being ensnared by the past. The mask they wear may starkly contrast with their inner turmoil; beneath their cheerful exterior lies a deep well of sadness and melancholy. They may grapple with their past traumas, hindering their ability to progress. Your next significant other may exhibit impatience and a somewhat temperamental disposition. In your relationship, they may display possessiveness and occasional bouts of jealousy. They derive satisfaction from intellectual debates, readily defending their beliefs and opinions. Currently, it appears that this person is on a healing journey, working on their inner self and transitioning into a more tranquil state of mind, leaving the past behind. You will likely encounter this person after a significant change or transition in their life, marking the point at which they are ready to embrace a new chapter with you.

⋆ Pile two ⋆

Your next important relationship is likely to begin slowly and develop over time. The person you'll be with is patient and doesn't rush things. The person you'll be with is comfortable with this gradual pace and doesn't rush into things. They pay great attention to details and are persistent, preferring to gather information before making decisions. They excel at nurturing both others and themselves, investing heavily in self-care. They also know when it's best to let go of things beyond their control. They have a strong commitment to treating everyone with equal respect and exhibit a well-balanced nature. They typically can see both sides of a situation and maintain a calm demeanour instead of getting carried away by extreme emotions. They are known for their straightforwardness and honesty, always getting to the point. Trustworthy and kind, they rarely dominate conversations because they value understanding different perspectives, making them excellent listeners. They are willing to assist you in finding solutions to your problems. Financially, they are self-sufficient and have worked diligently to achieve their current status. They are capable of enjoying life's finer pleasures and pursuing their goals and dreams with determination and confidence, thanks to their abundance of creative ideas. They are open-minded and enthusiastic about exploring the world around them. However, it's important to note that this person experiences anxiety and can sometimes become overwhelmed by stress, leading to worries and sleepless nights. They are highly sensitive and deeply in touch with their emotions, occasionally being too critical of themselves. They may benefit from reminders to be gentle with themselves.

⋆ Pile three ⋆

Your upcoming meaningful relationship is bound to be nurturing and affectionate. This person will make you feel comfortable, cared for, and protected. Their presence will bring you a sense of security and tranquility, almost like a soothing lullaby. They have a balanced and grounded energy and are comfortable with their sexuality, exuding sensuality. Regardless of their age, this individual possess a mature outlook on life, understanding the true priorities. They appreciate slowing down to savour the beauty in life. They are motivated and hardworking, always striving to achieve their goals. Their ambition and enthusiasm are infectious, and they thrive on continuous mental and physical stimulation, possibly showing interest in sports. They will keep your relationship exciting and prevent any feelings of boredom. Your connection with this person will be special and intense, characterized by a deep bond. They might have experienced some complexity in their own love life. It seems like this relationship will help both of you confront fears and insecurities. It could be a private or discreet relationship, perhaps rekindling a hidden connection from the past. They may find it challenging to open up emotionally to new people, often prioritizing work and goals. They enjoy developing new skills. In this relationship, you will feel genuinely loved, as their heart is pure and their intentions are sincere. They are committed to nurturing their relationships, and self-improvement. They have a systematic approach to working on their emotions and thoughts, processing feelings constructively. They actively contribute to the relationship and don't leave all the effort to you. Persistence is a key trait in everything they do.

[cillian-gets-me-wetter]

milk and coffee - joe burrow x fem!reader

a/n: a part two of if u think i’m pretty (read for more context), was working on this at first then scrapped it but now after some encouragement, we are so back, this might be a little shorter but i hope it’s worth while <3

summary: after you and joe hooked up at the super bowl party, you two start working on rekindling your relationship. your insecurities about dating and being in a relationship again start to get in the way, making you wary of letting your guard down. joe notices that something is off so he decides to surprise you.

warnings: exes to lovers, slow burn, joe and reader are working on rekindling their relationship, insecurities, mentions of past toxic relationship (not involving joe), a hint of angst, reader has emotional baggage (me too girl), fluff, soft!joe, allusions to sex, pillow talk

disclaimer: this is for fictional purposes only. do not copy or claim my work as your own. comments, reblogs and constructive feedback are appreciated!!

important resources 🍉

masterlist 💕✨

taglist: @lvssuh, @scrivenershantelle, @nanamarrufo, @https-hughes, @platinumsim

will you still love me in the morning? will you stay for milk and coffee?

ever since that night you and joe hooked up, you two have been talking and catching up from the time lost from when you weren’t in contact with him. you both followed each other again on social media and you gave him your new number before leaving his hotel the next morning.

texts and facetime calls grew more frequent as you both were in the off-season now. you couldn’t help but miss him even though you only saw him for one night. you had no idea what you were stood with him relationship wise but you knew that something was brewing again between the two of you.

“i have something to confess.” you grab your phone off the bathroom counter as you did your skincare routine before you settle in bed for the night. you laugh slightly, “okay, what is it?”

he couldn’t help but admire you as if he was there with you. “i started failing statistics on purpose just so i could talk to you more.��� you rolled your eyes playfully and laughed, “that is so dumb, joe, you could’ve just talked to me.”

he shrugged, “i know.. but we wouldn’t be where we are now if i hadn’t, now would we?” you sighed, “i guess you do have a point..”

while you were particularly happy with being on better terms with him, something was weighing and gnawing in your gut at the same time. you couldn’t help but overthink about how things can quickly go from good to worse, feeling like you’re inevitably waiting for the other shoe to drop. as if joe was just going to decide that he wasn’t ready to be with you again.

the dreaded thought of having to possibly break up with him again was something that was difficult for you to face. you didn’t want things to end up like last time or never talking to him anymore. you couldn’t bare having to watch his life from the sidelines like you have while you two were broken up.

when you first dated joe, you weren’t used to the type of love he showed you. he was always kind and patient with you, which was fairly new to you. he never raised his voice at you or lost his temper towards you. he was the first person you allowed yourself to fully open up to and accepted you with open arms.

with these heavy thoughts weighing on you, the last thing you wanted to do was tell him. you didn’t want to scare him away or make him believe it was his fault. you gradually start to withdraw from him, answering his texts a bit more longer than usual and coming up with excuses to not call him.

joe noticed something was off about you but couldn’t tell where it was coming from. he thought over everything he’s said so far over and over again but wasn’t able to tell what he said or did that was pushing you away. he checked his phone for the fifth time tonight, seeing that he was on delivered still.

he sighed, putting his phone back on his nightstand and turning his attention back to the random show he put on for background noise. he was in miami with sam and nick after attending ufc 299, while they both went out to after parties, he decided to stay in his hotel for the night, wanting to talk to you instead.

then it was like a sudden light bulb turning on in his brain, he had to show you that he cares about however you were feeling was important to him. he wanted to show how much he cares about you and that he loves you. he needed to see you.

he texts you again, asking for your address because he wanted to send you flowers. he set his phone to the side so that he wasn’t constantly checking for a text back. the text tone went off and he looked to see that you finally answered, sending over your address. then sending another one saying: “you are so cute :)”

he then looks up flights to san francisco, hoping there was one leaving right away. to his luck, he found a flight for early tomorrow afternoon and booked the ticket for it. his stomach was doing backflips at the thought of seeing you again, wanting to enjoy his time off with you while he could.

he couldn’t get settled into bed, being too excited about surprising you and wanting to sleep during the flight there instead of waiting anxiously the whole time. he hoped that you would love seeing him again and that you missed him just as much.

you woke up to a knock on your front door, leaving your bedroom door open the night before. your best friend and roommate, julie, was out of town so you had the apartment all to yourself. you wore one of joe’s old lsu shirts, which was still oversized on you despite the years you kept it.

you get up out of bed, hearing another knock. you rub your eyes, drowsy from sleep and putting on your hello kitty slippers. you wondered if julie had come home early or it was one of your neighbors. walking down the hall and reaching the front door, you open it, seeing joe standing there with his luggage and a bouquet of colorful flowers in his hand.

your eyes lit up, not being able to believe he was right there in front of you. he beamed, “i told you i wanted to send you flowers.” he hands you the bouquet while you smell them, taking in the fresh floral scent wafting in your nose. he follows you inside, closing the door and leaving his stuff to the side while you set the flowers onto the counter.

he walked over to you, pulling you into a loving embrace. you stood on your tippy toes, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face into his shoulder. he spoke cheekily, “i like your shirt. where did you get it?” you moved away from his shoulder, looking up at him. you smiled, “some cute guy gave it to me.” he laughed, “oh really? you might have to thank him for it.”

you replied sultry, “i think i might have an idea on how to do that..” your lips tenderly brush over his, placing them in a familiar, soft kiss. you both grinned into the kiss, your hands moving down to his chest while he wrapped one arm around your waist. his free hand squeezes and palms at your ass, your mouth parting slightly as you moan against his lips.

he slipped his tongue inside, your tongues exploring each other’s mouths. he moves his mouth away from yours while he quickly spoke, “jump.” you jumped, he holds you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. your fingers tangled into his soft hair, kissing him heatedly and sloppily. his hands cupped the plush flesh of your ass again and carrying you into your bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.

you snuggled into his bare chest while he was holding you against him, playing with your hair. you asked, “how long did you want to stay here?” he shrugged while he laid underneath you, “i can stay however long you want me to.” you lifted your head up from his chest, “well, my roommate is gone for the next two weeks so we have the place to ourselves.”

you trailed your finger down his chest, looking at him with doe eyes. he pressed his lips against yours in a couple of lingering, delicate kisses. he smiled, “that sounds perfect.. i missed you, baby.” you said, “i missed you too, pretty boy.” he laughed, “pretty boy? i think you’re the pretty one here.” you scoffed playfully, “you know if you’re trying to get in my pants again, you should just ask.. i will say yes.”

you both laughed as you cuddled closer into his shoulder and he leaves a kiss against your forehead. you wondered aloud, “so what made you want to come over here? not that i mind that you’re here or anything.” he answered, “i knew something was off so i wanted to come see what’s wrong.” you sighed, playing with his fingers and intertwining them with yours.

“i’m just scared of us not being able to make things work like after we graduated, i don’t want anything bad to happen between us..” he nodded, understanding why you feared these things. “i get what you’re saying. i just want you to know that i want to be with you and that i’ve never stopped caring about you.”

his thumb caresses your hand, bringing it closer to his face and kissing it. you let go of his hand and place yours on his cheek, pulling him in a loving kiss. he felt his anxiety wash into a wave of relief knowing that he wasn’t intentionally pushing you away.

you laid back down onto his chest, playing with his fingers once more. he traced small circles on your back, taking in the fact that he was in your bed again, wondering if he should pinch himself and snap out of this but it was very much real. he looked down at you, seeing that you were fast asleep on his chest and hearing your quiet, nasally snores.

he smiled at you, gently kissing the top of your head so he didn’t disrupt your sleep. he looked over and saw your copy of “normal people” on the nightstand, lightly grabbing it off the wooden surface while he tried not to move too much. he flipped through the pages, being careful to not lose your spot on what part you were reading.

he landed on the page where your bookmark was placed, seeing that you used an old photo booth strip of the two of you from back when you first started dating. he smiled at the photos fondly, ranging from one that was cute to a couple of silly ones and the last one being you kissing him on the cheek. he kept his copy as a bookmark too, blushing at the mere thought of how in sync you were even from far away.

he closed the book, putting it back where it was beforehand. he then grabbed the blanket on the side of you, covering you both up for warmth despite the sun shining through the window. he loved how the sunlight illuminated your features as you faintly snored on top of him. he cuddled closer to you, wanting to be more near you despite the fact that you were laying on his chest.

he fell asleep, relieved that he didn’t scare you off. he was also happy that he was able to be next to you again, never wanting to leave this moment.

[fantastic-nonsense]

I love your thoughtful SoC meta! I would love to know your thoughts on Kaz and Jesper’s relationship. Specifically, I adore Kaz but one thing in particular that always seemed so dark to me was that he enabled Jesper’s gambling addiction even though he obviously does care about him. Kaz is obviously willing to do a lot of fucked up things in service of his goals, but this one in particular, toward his own brother figure, I find sad. It’s kind of addressed during their fight at the end of CK but still feels a little unfinished.

I love Kaz and Jesper's relationship. There's sooooo much to dig into there (way too much for a single meta); it's super juicy and complicated, and one of the best complexities of it is that they often enable and feed off of each other's trauma. The pre-canon status quo is a situation where Kaz and Jesper are, in many ways, using and abusing each other as a way of avoiding dealing with their own trauma. It's a fascinating push-and-pull dynamic because neither of them are pushovers and yet neither one is particularly interested in facing their Issues™ head-on, and they both seemingly recognize that in each other and give each other an uncharacteristic amount of grace in helping the other avoid dealing with it.

In Kaz's case, that most often looks like enabling Jesper's gambling addiction and then repeatedly bailing him out of trouble under the justification of "he's loyal and competent, it would be wasteful to let the other gangs kill him." In Jesper's case, this looks like ignoring Kaz's countless and extremely obvious issues in favor of playing the loyal second. Basically, it's not just Kaz enabling Jesper's gambling addiction; it's also Jesper enabling Kaz's unhinged ruthlessness with little pushback other than a few snarky comments.

They also project a lot of their own issues onto each other! Kaz pushes Jesper away in part because he's projecting the grief and blame he feels over Jordie's death onto Jesper, but Jesper is using Kaz's ruthless pragmatism to escape the crippling disappointment of returning home to face his father's judgement for being a college drop-out, gambling addict, and gang member. And Kaz withholds praise and verbal declarations of trust from Jesper because he hates acknowledging that he cares about people, but Jesper uses Kaz's emotional detachment as a crutch to avoid dealing with his own commitment issues by pining after a boy he knows will never reciprocate his advances. This status quo is, of course, insanely unhealthy for both boys long-term, but where would we be if any of the Crows actually dealt with their issues in a healthy way?

That dynamic, imo, is also only possible because Kaz and Jesper have known each other for longer than anyone else in the main crew; Kaz may have let Inej in further, but he let Jesper in first. As far as we know, Jesper is the first person Kaz genuinely lets past his mile-high walls since Jordie died...but he very deliberately holds him at arms' length in a way that he does not with Inej (something that Jesper notices and is jealous about!). Being "the first" in this case unfortunately comes with a lot of baggage, and Kaz and Jesper would both lowkey rather die than talk about how much they care what the other thinks of them.

Kaz clearly didn't recruit Jesper looking for a friend or someone who reminded him of his dead older brother; he recruited him because he saw someone with a useful skillset who he preferred to be at his side rather than in a rival gang or dead in the canals. It's to Jesper's credit that he managed to break through those walls anyway, but there's only so much he can do in the face of Kaz's armor. And like Inej, Kaz's closed-off personality and actions hurt Jesper repeatedly. But he stays anyway, because he (like Inej) sees the boy underneath the mask that Kaz wears and cares a little too much to let him go:

“He wouldn’t—” Jesper stopped short, and then he laughed. “Of course he would.” Jesper flexed his knuckles, concentrated on the lines of his palms. “Kaz is…I don’t know, he’s like nobody else I’ve ever known. He surprises me.” “Yes. Like a hive of bees in your dresser drawer.” Jesper barked a laugh. “Just like that.” “So what are we doing here?” Jesper turned back to the sea, feeling his cheeks heat. “Hoping for honey, I guess. And praying not to get stung.” Inej bumped her shoulder against his. “Then at least we’re both the same kind of stupid.” “I don’t know what your excuse is, Wraith. I’m the one who can never walk away from a bad hand.” She looped her arm in his. “That makes you a rotten gambler, Jesper. But an excellent friend.” “You’re too good for him, you know.” “I know. So are you." -Ch. 17, Six of Crows

Kaz is unused to verbalizing the trust he places in others and actively in denial about how much he cares about them until Crooked Kingdom; he spends his time deliberately being cruel and pushing people away even as he proves over and over again that he doesn't actually want them to leave him. This casual assholery hits those closest to him (Inej and Jesper) the hardest because they are clearly trusted with his life but not with his heart, and that hurts them both.

For Inej, resolving that behavior looks like giving him an ultimatum ("I will have you without armor or I will not have you at all") and telling herself to walk away unless he meets her challenge. For Jesper? That looks like duking it out on top of the Geldrenner when they're both at rock bottom, because of course that's the only way either one of those boys is ever going to verbalize the tension that underlies their relationship. There's just a lot of baggage and mutual toxicity and unsaid words that neither of them are very interested in dealing with until everything comes to a head during the Clocktower fight.

I think we also forget that the Kaz-Jesper dynamic we see in the majority of the duology is not their normal dynamic: it's how they interact when Kaz is mad at Jesper. And a mad Kaz is, within the scope of canon, a pretty cruel Kaz, which is something that I think a good portion of the fandom likes to handwave away in favor of pointing towards Kaz's active attempts to be better in the back half of the duology.

Ultimately we only see the "normal" Kaz-Jesper dynamic for the first 12 or so chapters of Six of Crows (when the Dock Fight/Eyeball Incident happens) and the last few chapters of Crooked Kingdom. Those chapters are a really interesting look into what that relationship looks like when they're on good terms. It's clear that they're good friends, trust each other a hell of a lot, and joke around with each other quite a bit (the "saves ammo" joke in the parley chapter, their interactions during the Hellgate breakout, the "man with a knife!" "man with a gun!" exchange immediately after Kaz throws Oomen overboard, etc), but we also see the stress points: Jesper getting mad at Kaz for not telling him about Big Bolliger's betrayal, Kaz sending Wylan with Jesper during the prep chapters to keep an eye on him, and Jesper's bee and honey conversation with Inej on the Ferolind, for example.

These stress points are what fracture and crack in the aftermath of Jesper accidentally alerting the other gangs that they were headed out on the Ice Court Job and nearly causing Inej's death, and further buckle under the stress and pressure that Kaz and Jesper deal with during the following month and a half: the Ice Court job, Van Eck kidnapping Inej on Vellgeluk, Colm showing up in Ketterdam, and the Sugar Silo/Auction scheme.

In this way, I think Kaz enabling Jesper's gambling addiction is less about Kaz being actively cruel towards someone he sees the ghost of his brother in and punishing Jesper for the sins he percieves Jordie to have made (which is also true, and a meta for a different time!) and more about the weird balance of toxic mutual leniency Kaz and Jesper have allowed the other to provide for them for over two years...and how that leniency breaks down once it's not just Kaz's life or time on the line when Jesper fucks up.

Put more succinctly: for a long time, Kaz and Jesper existed in a toxic balance of enabling each others' worst impulses and behaviors, which was only able to be verbally addressed when they were both at rock bottom, desperate, and seemingly had very little left to lose. This conflict is somewhat addressed and resolved in the conversation where Kaz refuses to give Jesper the last of the parem and offers up a tiny bit of information about Jordie—showcasing his own growth and how he's finally trying to break the cycle by refusing to enable Jesper's self-destructive tendencies—but that level of tension is unable to be properly resolved in one single blowout argument. And I think it's deliberately left a bit unfinished because neither of them are really in a place where they're ready to address everything they've left unsaid for so long, even in the epilogue chapters.

However, we do see the beginnings of that reconcilitaion (Kaz asking Inej to tell Jesper that he's "missed around the Slat") and the story ends on a hopeful note regarding Kaz's commitment to removing his armor, which implies a lot about the resolution of that dangling thread. And of course, we know that by Rule of Wolves they're back to being thick as thieves and fucking around as usual, so clearly they hashed it out at some point in the in-between (and personally? I don't think it took either of them very long after the CK epilogue chapters to do that hashing out).

tl;dr: I love it when two traumatized and emotionally constipated teenage boys use each other to avoid facing their own personal problems and then get into a fistfight to avoid talking about how much they care about each other. Top-tier dynamic. Chef's kiss. I could talk about them for hours.