Thank You all!
I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year a bit early. I am not sure if I am going to be able to make a post tomorrow or Monday. Thank you all for supporting my blog, my writing, and understanding that these last few months have been hard for me.
2023 was going fine until the summer, and that's when I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. My laptop almost blow up in my lap. (thankfully it didn't, but still was without a computer for a good portion of this year.) (But if I had a computer during that time I don't think I would have found two of my favorite authors Tessa Bailey, and Sarah Adams)
Everything was going fine again, after I got my new computer. That is until Halloween Night. When I had to say goodbye to my baby birb, Smokie. November was such a dark point in my life. And then December I got sick, then sick again, and even sicker. Thankfully I didn't have to go to the hospital, but it was still really scary.
I want to thank you for staying with me one this journey. Even when I am just rebloging my old stuff. I am glad you are all liking it, and it is helping me feel more confident in saying that I am a writer, and hopefully at some point this next year I become a published writer. Writing about one of the most important things that was in my life, Smokie.
I hope that you all enjoy the New Year, and have a safe and happy time. Just now that I love you all so much. You all helped me more than you will ever now get through November. THANK YOU!
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End of 2023 post!
This year I moved to London, I got promoted at work, became even more secure on my gender and sexuality realising that I am a trans man and was able to get medical support in my transition and had top surgery.
I also got to make some incredible new friends, release some more of my writing and with the help of therapy find my confidence in myself again that I severely lost in the last few years.
I also saw more theatre, from Phantom of the Opera at the beginning of the year to more recently the Mousetrap. Not to mention I went to Paris with Georgia for our birthday this year which was amazing!
I’m also learning to cook, and trying to be better at cooking for myself and experimenting with what I’m eating using Hello Fresh which has been working really well so far!
It’s not perfect, there were months and days at a time when I was very low worried about how to even survive in London on my salary and there’s still so much to focus on going forward and there’s always difficulties - but it’s been good to think about all the things that I have done this year, and remember that a lot of these personal goals I have achieved have only been achieved in the last few months so it’s okay to be slow and steady!
I know I have been so lucky to have the support and privilege to do any of it this year and couldn’t have without my amazing friends and family and of course my beautiful girlfriend Georgia @georgiacooked who is my guiding light ❤️
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Eddie blinks. Once. Twice. And a third time for good measure. The scene before him doesn't change. Steve Harrington stands off to the side of the lunch table, behind Jeff and Frankie who have both gone still as statues like they think if they don't move, King Steve won't see them.
"Uh, what?" Eddie finds himself saying, against his own will. He heard Harrington the first time, doesn't need or want him to repeat himself, but his disbelief seems to have won out against his grudge for all jocks and his indifference to Steve Harrington in particular.
Harrington's face pinches, like he's three seconds away from rolling his eyes. He doesn't do that, though, which Eddie will give him one brownie point for. "I asked if you had a minute to talk." Eddie's taking away his brownie point because Steve 'asks' in a way that sounds more like a demand.
Hearing the question and or demand a second time doesn't lower Eddie's hackles, but it does pique his curiosity. He drums his fingers atop his lunchbox, thinking it over. He wishes he could say he's pretending to think about it before he tells Harrington to fuck off, but the truth is he actually is thinking about it.
What could Harrington possibly have to say to him? They very much do not run in the same circles. Eddie only talks business at the picnic table past the edge of the woods out back and everyone who buys from him knows that. They share several classes, since they're both seniors, but everyone knows Eddie's on a track to not graduate (again) so he can't possibly be coming to discuss Mrs. Click's homework assignment.
"Sure. Should we go elsewhere or...?" Eddie trails off, lifting a hand to wave in a circle in Steve's direction, questioning.
Steve looks over his shoulder, back towards the side of the cafeteria taken up by the 'popular' crowd. When Steve turns his face back, he looks- well, kind of sad for a moment before it's smoothed over with indifference.
Interesting.
"No. It's probably good that the rest of your friends hear it anyway," Steve answers.
Jeff's eyebrows rise to his hairline, and Frankie frowns as his eyebrows raise at the same time, showing an expression of interest. Eddie's got no idea what Gareth's face is doing because Eddie can't see him unless he wants to turn his face away, but he's certain it's probably a glare of some sort.
Eddie leans back in his chair, wiggling like he's getting extra comfortable before he says, "Well, alright Harrington. Shoot."
"I'm graduating this year, so I just wanted to give you a heads up for next year. I tried to curb the bullying, but I know it still happened. So, since I'm not going to be here to watch out for that, you're gonna wanna up your," Steve gestures to all of Eddie, "everything."
He knew Steve curbed the bullying a bit, heard the confirmation of that last year from Jason Carver and Tommy Hagan, when he'd stepped in to save Gareth. Or rather, Gareth had come flying in to save him and then Eddie had to save Gareth- well, the details don't matter really.
"My everything?" Eddie asks, more confused than angry. He thinks he should be angry. Harrington has all but outright said he doesn't think Eddie's going to graduate with him, after all. But no. The main emotion now is confusion.
"Yeah. Your, y'know, freakinesss or whatever. Be more of it."
"Be more of a freak?" It's fascinating, that Harrington just keeps talking like he thinks anyone at this table care for his opinion.
"Yeah!" Harrington says, cheery like he thinks that Eddie's agreed with him somehow, complete with a stupid snap of his fingers that turns into a finger gun pointed at Eddie. "You've already got this like unapproachable mad dog kind of look about you, most of the JV team is already scared of you. Just like, up that a bit more and they'll probably steer clear of you and your friends." Then Harrington frowns deep, looking around the table of nerds and dorks before looking down at the top of Gareth's head to add, "well. Except probably curly here. No offense, but you seem an easy target."
"Fuck off," Gareth growls, because of everyone at the table, Gareth does have the most bite. (Most bark goes to Eddie himself). Eddie's more prone to run from a problem than engage in it, unlike Gareth, who he's had to pull off of a few people this year.
"Or not," Harrington retracts his previous statement and Eddie will grant the man another brownie point, which brings the total up to one.
"Good to know my reputation precedes me," Eddie grins, wild and a bit manic.
Harrington is unphased. "Yeah! Do that more. I think it really freaks Jason out and he's most likely to take the captain slot next year, so if you get him afraid of you, the rest of the team'll fall in line and leave you alone too. I think he's super religious, so like, lean into the satanic panic thing people are up in arms about and next year will be a breeze. And-"
Eddie lifts a hand, a motion for Harrington to stop talking. It surprised him a little that Harrington does. Even more interesting. "Stop me if I'm wrong here, Harrington, but are you suggesting that I become the bully?"
Harrington's mouth opens and closes a few times before his face pinches again. Instead of looking like he's going to roll his eyes and be bitchy, Harrington looks confused and then like he's deep in thought. An uncomfortable amount of awkward silence falls over there table, but it's just when Eddie's about to break that silence that Harrington finally speaks. "No. I'm saying just like, be you but bigger. Like, you don't even gotta look in the team's direction. If you're just more of a freak than you usually are, they'll steer clear without the bullying."
"You sure know how to compliment a guy," Eddie deadpans. He's not even upset that Steve's called him a freak. He's spent the majority of his high school career cultivating that outlook. He wasn't just a freak, he was The Freak.
Now a look crosses Harrington's face. One Eddie's not sure he's interpreting correctly. If he had to take a guess, he'd say the look was calculating, knowing, in a way that Eddie doesn't think Harrington could actually achieve. Then it's gone, replaced with the bitchy, eye-rolling look Eddie's used to seeing, and Harrington says, "I haven't said anything untrue."
Hmm. The most interesting thing yet. Eddie might not be graduating (again) but he's not dumb. He didn't survive this far in his life, with a father like his, without learning to read people. He wasn't as good as he wanted to be at reading people last year, but he's definitely good enough know to think that, maybe, just maybe, Harrington also knows a thing or two about cultivating a public perception. Making sure people only see a certain side of you.
"Alright," is what Eddie answers, "I'll take what you've said under advisement."
"Uh. Okay," Harrington says before he just walks away. Conversation over.
"Well," Jeff says, "that was strange."
"Very," Eddie agrees as he watches Harrington walk away, tracking him until the cafeteria door slams shut behind him when he exits.
Eddie has always wanted to up the ante, so to speak. Jump on a cafeteria table and rant about capitalism and organized sports. He never has before but next year seems like a great time to try.
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