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lostquinn · 2 years

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Sugar pt two

Connor (dbh) x gn!reader

Summary - after asking you out that morning, you spend the day at work then go on a simple little date with Connor - more fluff

I didn't think I'd made part two this long T.T

I didn't even think I'd make part two - I love him so much

Word count - 2,869 (it's a lil longer then the last part-)

Part one!

You were a detective at DPD, you desk was situated across the bullpen from Hank and Connors, leaving them right in your eyeline as you worked.

Throughout the day, you had noticed Connor staring at you on multiple occasions. It always left a smile on your face when you noticed him. He would always grin at you when he noticed you stealing glances.

He had been different since he deviated, slightly more confident and human even if he was his same old polite self. You had been drawn to him since long before he deviated and fully understood he would never reciprocate your feelings. Now though, you weren't so sure.

You stood from your desk and stepped away, you had been there for hours and your shift was far from over. You had decided you would get a cup of coffee, memories from that morning clouded your mind as you wandered towards the coffee station.

"Hello darling," Gavin Reed, the office asshole, said as you approached the coffee station.

You frowned and ignored him as you began to make your coffee. It was becoming impossible as he leant towards you, grinning as he continued to use petnames you had never agreed to.

Suddenly, you felt a pair of arms around you, scooping the exact amount of sugar you had added this morning into your mug. You knew exactly who it was and smiled meekly as you felt his back against you.

"I think they can make their coffee just fine you plastic prick." Gavin growled, glaring at Connor.

"Yes, however they much prefer it when I give them sugar from what I've gathered." Connor responded.

As he finished his response, the android leant down and placed a kiss on your cheek. The soft skin of your cheeks began to warm and turn pink as he did. The kiss lasted longer this time, as if it was a statement this time. As he lifted his head, you watched him glare at Gavin, making eye contact before both of the boys left.

You added the milk, then the water to your mug and headed back to your desk. Connor was waiting at your desk which you hadn't anticipated but his presence was welcome.

"I apologise for my behaviour, I couldn't help myself," he muttered as you placed your mug down.

"It's okay Connor, I wasn't opposed to it," you smirked at him.

His LED blinked yellow as he recorded that information. The android crossed his arms over his chest before responding.

"I hope our date later goes well enough that I can do it more often," he smiled, his face flushing a light blue as he looked at you.

"I hope so too,"

You two stared at each other, smiling meekly like teenagers. You loved the hair a small tuft of hair that hung down in front of his forehead and began to reach up to gently flick it before Hank interrupted.

"Connor, the fuck are you doing?" Hank grumbled as he began to head out of the bullpen.

"Coming lieutenant," Connor said, scrambling to follow Hank.

You watched as he nearly tripped over, having dared to look back at you, stealing one last glance before he left with Hank for another homicide investigation. They had been put on homicide since the revolution.

----

Your shift had ended hours ago so you now sat at Connors desk, staring out the window as the sky grew darker and darker, the snow never seemed to stop falling. Everytime someone entered or left the precinct, you would look over in hopes to see Connor and Hank.

Everytime it was someone else. Everytime you cursed under your breath as you began to grow worried for them.

You rubbed your hands together, it had grown cold in the precinct and you refused to wear your gloves inside incase you had to do something. You would not let the thick mittens cause you to hesitate.

Finally, the doors opened and in watched Hank. Connor stumbled behind him as Hank dragged him along by his jacket. You didn't even care about how they had entered.

"Connor," your voice was soft.

In an instant, you sprung from Connors chair and rushed towards him. You buried your face in his chest and wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, toying with his hair gently as you held him.

Hank had let him go and was stood to one side, staring at the two of you with an eyebrow quirked.

It took Connor a moment to wrap his arms around you but when he did you smiled, he wasn't warm - in fact he was cold but that didn't bother you. He was safe and that was all that mattered.

You pulled away and turned to Hank. Connor allowed his arms to fall to his sides as he looked at you, his eyes wide.

"Why on earth are you two so late?" You frowned, taking a step away from Connor as you realised you were still rather close.

"We would have been here an hour ago however someone preferred to stand out in the cold kicking his feet. Kid's nervous about your date," Hank grumbled.

"You weren't nervous earlier," you chuckled as you looked up at Connor.

He averted your gaze, his face a pale blue. "I'm aware," he muttered.

You and Hank both chuckled at the way all of his confidence had left his body. Connor fumbled through his pockets, pulling his coin out as he began to do his tricks.

You smiled at his hands as Hank took your forearm in his hands, dragging you away from the shy robo boy next to you.

"While we were out we bumped into that prick," Hank said, his voice low as he whispered, glancing at Connor. "Gavin put some thoughts in his head about how he's not good enough for you."

You turned to Connor, you gaze soft as you furrowed your eyebrows. Connor noticed you watching him and he dropped his coin. He had never done that before. You continued to watch as he scrambled around on the floor for the coin.

"I think it got to him," you frowned, turning back to Hank.

"Yeah. Reed also went on about how you would never actually date an android, how you would prefer the warmth of a human - his warmth."

"That asshole." The grit your teeth.

"Just, make him feel better, I'm going home," Hank muttered as he left.

You nodded to Hank, even though his back was to you. He had been a close friend of your parents before they passed and taken you in when you started at the police department. Then, Connor soon came along and you didn't mind his company one bit.

You began to head over to Connor, he was leaning under a desk as you approached him, reaching for his coin.

"Hey Connor," you said, your tone warm.

He shot out from under the desk, bumping his head on the way. His coin was tucked between two of his slender fingers as he looked up at you.

"Hello [name]," he smiled.

You reached a hand out to him and he took it. You pulled him up, even though he didn't need it. You fixed his tie and straightened his jacket, not letting go of his hand.

"Is this okay?" You swung your hand that held his, checking if he was okay with holding hands.

"Of course,"

He throughly enjoyed the feeling of your hand in his and the warmth of your expressions and voice. You made most of his worries melt away and he was able to concentrate purely on you, rather than the words that Gavin Reed had uttered to him earlier that day.

"So, got anything special planned?" You asked, leaning into him as the two of you left the station.

"I was figuring maybe a walk? We could head to that cafe you like so much before heading home- if you would prefer something else then I would happily oblige," he responded.

Snow fell down onto the two of you as stood out in the street, you stared up at him for a moment before responding. "It's a brilliant idea,"

The corners of his mouth quirked up as he began to lead the way. He took you two through the park. Fairy lights decorated the trees and a thick layer of snow rested atop the benches. It was fairly empty due to the weather and time so the two of you walked in the middle of the path, hand in hand.

You took your gaze from the path to look up at him.

"You're so cute with the snow-" you began, letting out a yelp as you slipped on a patch of ice.

You grabbed Connor in an attempt to stabilise yourself however he was falling too. His free hand clutched your hip as he pulled you in front of him so that you would safely land on his chest.

You lay still on top of him for a moment and he began to panic, holding you close as he looked down to you.

"Are you okay? Please be okay- I'm sorry I didnt notice the ice-" he began, rushing his words.

He moved his hand from your hip to your chin and your shoulders began to shake, he pulled your face to look up at you.

It was then that he noticed you were laughing and he smiled, relieved that you weren't crying.

"I'm okay Con, are you?" You grinned, looking up at him.

You had one hand on his chest, resting softly against his jacket and the other was still being held by him. He had pulled your hand up to close the distance between the two of you so it rested next to his head on the ground.

"I am," he briefly scanned you to make sure that you definitely hadn't been hurt in the fall and was even more relieved when it was revealed you weren't, however you were cold so he turned his body temperature up.

You pushed your hand down on his chest, using it to bring yourself closer to his face as you smiled. His free hand found its way back to you hip as you gently grazed you lips against his nose, leaving a soft kiss.

It was your turn look down at him, his mouth slightly open as he looked up at you. He looked so cute in that moment, snow gathering in his hair as he looked up at you, shocked.

"What?" He muttered, barely above a whispered as his eyes danced across your face.

"You're so pretty," your voice was soft. You placed another kiss on his nose which cause a smile to spread across his face.

"I quite enjoy it when you do that,"

"I'll do it a lot in future then,"

"I would like that,"

He continued to look up at you, the lights in the trees above the two of you creating a glow around you. He felt his thirium pump pounding in his chest as he swelled with joy. You were in his arms. His. Not Gavins. His.

"We should continue to that cafe, I know you enjoy their cookies,"

You chuckled as you rolled off of his chest. When he had first deviated, he would bring you a cookie on occasion just to see your face light up. It was a nice sentiment the two of you shared.

He was on his feet in a moment, stepping off the ice. He still held your hand, now rubbing his thumb over your knuckles as he offered his other hand as well. Connor pulled you up from the ground, not wanting to let go of either hand he held them both for a moment, staring at you.

"Did you want to go or just look at me forever?" You smirked at him as blue tinted his cheeks.

"Can I not do both?" He pouted slightly before smiling and dropping one of your hands, leading the way.

----

Eventually, the two of you reached the cafe. It was small and always open late for some unknown reason.

Connor grasped the door handle and pushed it open for you, causing the bell above the door to ring as the two of you entered.

As he ordered your cookie, you pressed yourself against him. You were clinging onto his warmth as you had left your jacket and gloves at the police department, too caught up in making Connor feel better. You appreciated that Connor had turned his body temperature up.

The android stared at you for a moment. "You're cold."

He narrowed his eyes as he let go of your hand, taking a half step away as he removed his jacket.

"Connor- I don't need it, I'm fine-" you insisted.

It didn't matter, he was set on making sure you were okay. He took a step towards you, your bodies slightly pressed up against each other, and placed his jacket over your shoulders. He then took your hand back in his.

The person who ran the cafe handed Connor your cookie, he then handed it to you. He had gotten your favourite type, as always. You knew he wouldn't forget but it still felt nice that he remembered little details about you.

The both of you waved to the employee as you left the cafe, beginning to walk back you Hanks home hand in hand. The walk was pleasant, he continued to rub your knuckles and the back of your hand with his thumb as you ate your cookie.

As you finished your cookie, the snow began to come down heavier. It clouded you vision and made you shiver. Connor instantly noticed this of course and let go of your hand, changing to wrap his arm around you and pulling you close to him.

"Conner..." your teeth chattered as you looked up at him, so small against him.

He looked down at you, your shaking form making him worry. He stopped walking and let go of you again, he leant down and placed one arm under your knees, the other on your back. He lifted you, carrying you bridal style.

You snuggled against him as he walked the both of you home, his jacket pulled tight around your body.

"We're nearly there, dear, don't worry," the words slipped out of his mouth before he realised what he was saying and his face tinted blue as he realised what he'd call you.

"Thank you,"

----

The android didn't put you down until the two of you were inside your bedroom, where he placed you on your bed delicately.

He left the room to allow you to change and you quickly changed into your pajamas. You opened the door once you were don't and called him back in to retrieve his jacket.

"Thank you so much for tonight," he smiled, happy that you had given him a chance.

"Anytime, dear," you teased softly, nudging him.

"Do you mean that? Anytime?"

"Of course, I would love to go on more dates with you Connor,"

You smiled and leant up on to you tiptoes to plant a delicate kiss on his lips. You wrapped you arms around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. He wrapped his arms around your waist, never wanting that moment to end.

It however did end, as you pulled away for air.

"It seems I did take your breath away in the end after all," he grinned, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"You big idiot," you smirked up at him. "Will you stay with me tonight? In case I get cold of course" you asked.

He scanned the room for a moment. "By my calculations, you wont get cold,"

"Connor," you giggled. "Just stay with my tonight and let me cuddle you,"

He let out a soft 'oh' as he had not realised that was what you wanted. But then smiled wide.

"Of course, dear,"

He then briefly left the room to change out of his uniform. Once he returned he was wearing a pair of blue pajama bottoms and a tank top. He stared at his jacket, tucked over the back of your chair, for a moment.

"You should wear that to work tomorrow," he smirked, you followed his eyeline to his jacket.

"I should, should I?" You quirked your eyebrow.

"Yes, it would certainly show people," he moved towards you, placing his hands on your hips. He whispered his next words into your ear. "That you're mine,"

He then swiftly made his way to your bed and slid under the coveres. Once you had recovered from what her said, you followed suit. He pulled you against him and you cuddled up to him.

It didn't take long for you to fall asleep, listening to his machinery whirring in his chest was some what comforting. Almost like listening to a loved ones heart beat.

His hand ran through your hair until he went into standby. He embraced every second with you as if it would be his last.

"You want me," he whispered, looking at you as he let himself go into sleep mode.

#hank anderson #gavin reed #rk800 #detroit rk800 #connor dbh fluff #dbh connor x reader #detroid become human #detroit become human

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quigonswife8 · 2 years

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Reunited: Juan x reader

GIF by henryburrell

You reunite with Juan after what feels like forever.

Warnings: swearing, violence, death, blood.

Not sure how this will do since Juan is a very underrated character but I really wanted to write something about him cause I just love him so much.

A/N: You understand + can speak spanish in this [if you can however speak/understand it plz let me know if any of the translations are wrong. I used google translate for this)

-----

The purge only happens one night a year. One night and people can do whatever they want. Until these people choose to make it a 'forever purge' and you end up getting separated from Juan, your husband

Juan had escaped Mexico over a year ago. He wanted a new life and got that when he entered America. A bonus? He had been able to live his new life with you. He had actually met you on the ranch when you had stood up for him against some racist asshole.

Neither of you knew this 'forever purge' would happen, and as you sneak through the city in desperate search of Juan, who so desperately wants to look for you but is forced to stay where he is, you are forced to watch as the horror continues to unfold.

-----

It's not the gunshots that scare you, but the screams. The screams of the unfortunate souls lining the streets, their blood everywhere.

It's been hours. Hours since you were separated from Juan and the other’s. You have no way to contact them as the satellite dishes were brought down, and you have no mode of transportation. It's safer this way but it still doesn't make the worry you have subside.

Keeping your head low you scale the wall: the gun in your right hand gripped tightly. Another scream rings out sending chills down your spine, and as you pass another body, you let out a shaky sigh. fuck.

You re-focus back your thoughts back to your husband, using this as a motivator to keep going.

"¿Cómo sabes que no están heridos?( How do you know they're not hurt?)."

Juan paces. He always paces when he's stressed or worried.

"T.T."

"Slow down..."

His friend plants himself in front of Juan, placing his hands on his shoulders to physically stop him. Juan, however, shakes his head.

"They could be..."

"No."

T.T shakes his head, like Juan had just done, then he looks at him stern.

"Ellos estan vivos (they are alive)."

"Tu no sabes eso. (you don't know that)."

No, he doesn't. What he does know though is how capable you are, and how well you can protect yourself. He had seen this first hand before you were separated when you had taken down someone, as well as in the past when he'd seen you deal with more than few racist assholes.

"They can protect themselves Juan.." T.T continues. "Ellos estarán bien(they will be alright)."

T.T removes his hand from Juan's shoulder, and nods, before walking off. Juan sighs and runs his hands over his face.

He better be right.

Once the coast is clear you sneak to the alleyway directly across from you and, much like you have been doing, you remain low. The people going past may be able to spot you if you stand so this is the best chance to keeping out of the spotlight.

Dropping your head, you look down at the ground. It's still unreal to you that this is still going on. It was supposed to be over and for a brief time, it was. Until it wasn't and now you're forced to live through it...but for how long, though?

It's obvious this won't be over in the next couple of hours, that's why Mexico and Canada have opened their borders to those wanting to seek safety and shelter. The military are nowhere to be seen, either, making matters worse.

A shot runs out, startling you, but it snaps you out of your thoughts, enough to get you on the move again. Ducking behind a destroyed car you sneak over to another building which happens to be a library. Though it gives you enough shelter to wait for a moment to look around and see if there could be any sign.

It comes in the form of a rose. A painting of a single rose in the middle of the wall in front of you, and as you focus on it more, it triggers a memory.

"He had told us to follow the roses si alguna vez necesitamos ayuda (if we ever needed help)."

Juan sits, his cowboy hat next to him, while his back is against the wall. You’re sitting cross-legged in front of him.

"..wow."

Juan nods. He decided to tell you the story of how he escaped to America. It was through a tunnel with a group, lead by a boy. When they had crossed to America the boy had told Juan him that if he ever needed anything that all he had to do was follow the roses.

"Of course."

You mutter, moving away from the wall.

"That's perfect."

With one last look around the area you begin to follow the roses, praying that Juan had remembered and followed the roses too.

----

When you enter the building a pair of men appear, immedietly aiming their guns at you. You hold your hands up in defence.

"What are you doing here?"

The one on the right moves closer.

"Are you one of them?"

Them meaning the ones who is the cause of all of this.

"I'm here because I'm looking for my partner and for a few other people. I'm not one of them."

I could never be

The pair keep their guns aimed at you, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"¿Cómo sabemos que no estás mintiendo? (how do we know you're not lying?)

"El tiene razón (he's right)."

They seem like they're good people, they're just defensive and you don't blame them. You could be bad which of course you're not but they don't know that. You could be lying just to kill them, so you get why they're acting this way. Still you want them to know that you're not a threat and you're telling the truth.

Taking a deep breath, you sigh.

"Te prometo que no soy una amenaza (I promise you that i'm not a threat)."

You pause for a moment, before continuing.

"I promise you that I am only here for my partner and for the other people, too. Te lo juro (I swear to you)."

Then you wait for what they have to say. They keep their guns trained on you, but they don't shoot which is a good thing. All you can think about is Juan and how you pray he's there and he's alright.

So you begin to come up with something...until a voice cuts through the silence.

"Ellos estan diciendo la verdad(they are telling the truth)."

And it's like your whole world stops. You let out a gasp, your eyes flicking over to him. Juan. He has been through a lot more, you can tell, and that breaks your heart to see- staring at him with wide eyes you feel the tears fall.

"Juan?", you're so relieved to see that he's okay and he's actually there.

"(y/n)..."

Snapping out of your shock you immedietly run over to Juan, the tears now falling down your cheeks.

"Thank god."

Then you throw yourself into his arms, feeling him wrap his arms around you, as he pulls you against his chest. You practically cling onto him too afraid to let him go- you need him right now, you don't want him to let you go.

"I thought I lost you." though his words are muffled.

"I-i'm here Juan." and he's beyond happy that you are. He's not sure what he would have done if he lost you. "...I'm here.

Pressing your face into his shirt more.

-Time skip-

"Estas listo? (are you ready?)."

Juan keeps his hand in yours, while you watch as other people rush out the door. The other's wait by the door for you.

The border to Mexico may be closed but there's someone who will be able to sneak you across. You will be leaving right then and there. That means you need to leave quickly or you may miss your ride.

So you smile up at your partner and nod, squeezing his hand.

"Vamos (let's go).". Juan quickly steals a kiss from you leaving you smiling. Despite everything that's happened he's the only person who can still make you smile. Then you join up with the others. "We're ready." and with one last look at eachother, you leave.

You'll be safe soon enough. It hurts that you may not be able to return to America, maybe ever again, but you're just glad to be able to escape to somewhere where you will be safe. Where you can live with Juan without that constant worry and fear. That's all that really matters.

#the forever purge #juan x reader #juan the forever purge #juan the forever purge x reader #tenoch huerta

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bellofthemeadow · 1 year

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The Road Ahead - ch 6 | Frankie Morales x female reader

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

For most of your married life, you dedicated yourself to waiting for Frankie. After each deployment, you patiently awaited his return, longing for the moment when he would be by your side again. During those nights when nightmares consumed his thoughts, you yearned for him to open up to you, hoping that he would find solace in sharing his pain. And as his addiction spiraled out of control, you held onto the hope that he would recognize his problem and seek help. However, despite your countless protests and pleas, you now find yourself waiting for him once more as he ventures off to Colombia, engaged in God knows what.

But this time is different. Determined, you make a solemn promise to yourself: You will never wait for Frankie again.

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 9K (Sorry T.T)

Warning: Applicable for the entire fic / PTSD, drug use and addiction, postpartum depression, abusive familial relationships, self-hatred, unhealthy coping mechanism, explicit sexual content, violence, mentions of suicidal thoughts, super angsty

Chapter Summary: Summer without your husband. You don't know what to except for the months ahead with Frankie away in rehab, but you know you want to learn who you are again.

Notes: Hey everyone, thank you very much for the support for this fic, it means the world to me to see people liking, reblogging or commenting!!! This fic is approaching the end unfortunately, as much as I love these two together, it was always meant to be on the shorter side. Since its my first ever story, I wanted to see if I could stick to a story without my mind fizzling and apparently I can ! SO HURRAY! I am anticipating 1 more chapter and 1 long epilogue after this.

I've already started working on fic #2 and #3 and I will be posting the summaries/ series masterlists later tonight or tomorrow morning :) I was also thinking on opening a poll to ask which stories you guys want me to do first.

But in the meantime, hope you all enjoy this chapter !!!!

A Change of Season

MONTH 1 - JUNE

"Are you sure, Alma? I don't want to impose on you too much..." you ask hesitantly, internally hoping Alma will agree to your last-minute request.

"Nonsense, mija. It's my pleasure. You know how I always enjoy spending time with Estrelita, and it gives me a chance to spoil her rotten. Truly, it means the world to this old woman that you trust me to stay with your little Princesa." Alma responds warmly.

Relief washes over you as you let out a grateful sigh. "Thank you so, so much, Alma. I hate asking so last minute, but my boss just called me to cover this Saturday since I have to take Ella to get her shots today. And I know Ella would be thrilled to spend time with her favorite abuela.”

Alma Vargas Morales snorts angrily on the other end of the line. "I can't believe those pendejos would make you work over the weekend like that. As if baby shots could be re-scheduled like a nail appointment! I'm tempted to march over there and give them a piece of my mind!”

You can't help but let out a laugh, picturing Frankie's spirited 72-year-old mother storming into the Florida Community College library, grabbing your boss by the ear, and dressing him down loud enough for the dean of strudents to hear. You’d pay good money to see that. “But seriously, Alma, I can't express how much I appreciate this. You're a lifesaver.”

"And you are an amazing mother, mija..." You can hear Alma taking a deep breath on the other side of the line. "Not many women would have done what you have for your daughter and your husband."

"Alma..." you begin to interject, but she cuts you off.

"No, mija. Francisco was so out of line he couldn't even see the line anymore. I didn't raise my son to act like this, and you are way better than he deserves at the moment." Alma's words carry a mix of frustration and disappointment.

Alma takes another breath, her voice softening. "I love mi hijo, I nursed him, took care of him when he was sick, I saw him grow from a shy little boy into a handsome and self-assured man. But he was never really happy until he met you, mija. Now, es el momento de que Francisco se arrepienta de sus pecados." Her tone finishes somberly.

You're left speechless, both deeply moved and unsure by Alma's sudden outburst. The woman had always been strict but loving. When Frankie was young, they didn't have much. His father died young and without insurance, leaving Alma alone to raise Frankie and his two sisters. But Alma had done her best to provide for her three children and give them every opportunity she could.

Now, Frankie's younger sister followed in her mother's footsteps as a nurse, while the eldest had become an accountant before deciding to stay home with her own children. Alma was a strong woman whom you had always admired. When you first met her, she had looked at you for only a couple of seconds before grabbing you by the neck with her tiny yet stout stature, pulling you into a tight embrace. "Thank you for taking care of mi hijo, God knows that knucklehead needs it! Just like his dad, that one is! " she had whispered in your ear before releasing you and playfully swatting Frankie's head. "What the hell was that for?" Frankie had exclaimed.

"No decir groserías," Alma had answered, her gaze piercing Frankie. "That was for hiding this lovely girl all this time and for not minding your manners. You haven't even offered her anything to drink yet!" Frankie rubbed his head and muttered, "Esta es tu casa…"

"Qué dijiste Francisco?" Alma questioned sternly.

"Nada, Nada," Frankie quickly replied, trying to diffuse the situation.

Throughout the entire interaction between mother and son, you had held back your laughter. But as Frankie's cheeks turned pink, he made his way towards you, and you couldn't help but think that you would love to be a part of this family. Since that day, you had loved Alma, and she had become the mother figure you had never truly had in your life.

"Alma, whatever happens between Francisco and me will never have any repercussions on your relationship with Ella. I would never take her away from you or your family. Ella is a Morales, and you can see her whenever you want," you assure her.

On the other side of the line, you hear Alma's sniffles. "Maldito Francisco, eres un estúpido muchacho," Alma mutters, her voice filled with frustration. "Francisco has made a lot of mistakes, but the one thing he didn't mess up was marrying you, mija."

"Gracias, mama. I promise that whatever happens, Ella and I will always be there," you express sincerely.

"Gracias, mija," Alma replies warmly.

"Is it okay if I drop Ella on Saturday around 7:30 am? I have to be at the library by 8:15," you ask.

"Of course, es muy perfecto! I'll make my famous tostadas!" Alma responds enthusiastically, her excitement palpable.

You can't help but let out a laugh at Alma's enthusiasm. "Alma, you know that Ella is just 5 months old, right? She won't be able to taste your famous tostadas for a while yet."

Alma lets out a huff, acknowledging her oversight. "I got ahead of myself; I suppose."

"I'll pump some milk and have it ready for you in her bag," you suggest. After a brief pause, you add, "Will you call me to tell me how everything is going?"

You can hear Alma's affectionate tone as she responds, "Mija, I'll send you updates every hour on your phone, with those messages things you kids always send each other. You don't have to worry. I've raised three babies, and they all reached adulthood, although some have made questionable decisions."

"Thank you so much, Alma. I really appreciate it," you express gratefully, feeling a sense of relief knowing that Ella will be in capable and loving hands.

"ESTRELLA MORALES!" The loud voice of the tall brunette clad in blue scrubs resonates through the large waiting room.

"Sorry, mama, I have to go. It's Ella's turn," you whisper urgently into the phone.

"Te quiero, mija. I will see you tomorrow morning."

Quickly, you close your phone and grab the stroller where Ella is peacefully napping. Gathering your belongings, you ensure that everything is in order before hurrying after the nurse. As she leads you into a smaller room, she introduces herself. "My name is Coral, and I'll be administering the vaccines for little Ella today," she says, reaching for the files on her desk. "I see she is here for the DTaP-IPV-Hib vaccine. It shouldn't take too long."

Coral glances inside the stroller where Ella has woken up from her nap and is looking around anxiously. "Well, isn't she a cutie? Hello, baby," Coral greets Ella warmly, taking out a bright pink rattle and shaking it in front of her. Ella responds with a delighted laugh, momentarily distracted from the unfamiliar surroundings.

"All right, mama, I'm going to need you to hold your baby while I give her the shots. She won't like it, as few babies do, but I'll be as quick as possible," Coral informs you, her professional demeanour evident. She briefly scans the page of Ella's file before her eyes narrow slightly. "I also wanted to confirm something with you. I only see one signature on the parental form, but there is a Francisco Morales listed on Ella's file. Should we be made aware of a change in the files?"

Your heart drops at the insinuation, and a mix of emotions floods over you. "Frankie... I mean, Francisco is Ella's father," you explain, your voice tinged with a touch of defensiveness. "He is currently unable to sign off on the documents due to personal reasons, but I promise he is 100% supportive of every medical decision I make for Ella."

You realize that you're frantically trying to justify yourself to this stranger, feeling the weight of judgment and the need to ensure that Ella's well-being is understood. Coral looks back at you, then at the file, before letting out a sigh. "Look, I'm not trying to trick you," she begins, her voice filled with a mix of empathy and professional concern. "But as medical professionals, we have a responsibility to ensure that the environment at home is safe for Estrella. You understand what I'm saying.” The mere mention of home safety sends a chill down your spine, the silent threat of involving CPS clear in Coral’s tone.

With a knot forming in your stomach, you gather your thoughts and respond cautiously, your voice betraying a hint of fear. "Yes, I understand," you manage to say, trying to keep your composure. "I assure you that Estrella's home environment is safe and loving. We prioritize her well-being above everything else, and we take every precaution to provide her with a secure and nurturing space. My husband is just… unavailable right now.”

Coral glances back at you, her eyes narrowing slightly as she processes your response. "As you say," she acknowledges, her tone carrying a hint of reservation. However, her sunny disposition quickly resurfaces, and a warm smile returns to her face. "All right then," she says, her voice brightening. "Shall we proceed with this little shot?”

MONTH 2 - JULY

You sit outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun on one of the only free benches in front of the library building. With a tomato sandwich in one hand, you type a message to Mrs. Hu, asking about Ella's day so far. Almost immediately, Mrs. Hu responds by sending you an adorable picture of Ella on her belly, reaching for her favourite cat plushy, a big orange thing with oversized ears and fuzzy white paws. It melts your heart, and for the 100th time, you can’t help but be amazed at the wonderful being your love with Frankie created.

Frankie... Oh, Frankie. Today feels bittersweet, as on the one hand, you hadn’t thought of him too much, but on the other hand, you felt guilty because you hadn’t thought of him that much. Some days are almost unbearable, as your mind becomes entangled with memories of… memories of everything before it all went to hell. You replay moments: the goods, the less-than goods and everything in between. But still, all these moments were what made you and Frankie a team, a partnership. It was a life you built together. Still, you couldn’t help but question your actions and wonder if anything could have prevented the events that unfolded over the last two months.

Yet, dwelling on these thoughts only serves to torment you further. Now when these thoughts surface, you try your best to follow the guidance of your new therapist. You try to let the memories wash over you like rain on an umbrella, try to let them come, accept them without letting yourself be ruled by them. But they persist, stubbornly clinging to every corner of your mind. It's a difficult battle, and despite your earnest efforts, grief and longing persistently infiltrate both your waking hours and restless nights. The weight of it all hangs heavily in the air, casting a sad shadow over your life. You yearn for a bit of reprieve from the ceaseless ache that Frankie's absence has left behind. But today is a good day. So far.

The blaring alarm on your phone abruptly interrupts your lunch break, signalling that it's time to return to work. Hastily cramming the last remnants of your sandwich into your mouth, you briskly make your way toward the imposing building. Upon reaching the entrance, you make your way to the help desk, where you settle down and begin reviewing emails and addressing various queries from staff and students.

As you open the first email, which seems to be part of an infinite pile (how is this possible after just half an hour?), your attention is diverted by the approaching figure of the library director. A distinguished-looking older man, his hair hangs in wispy white strands, lending him an air of wisdom. His tweed suit, more reminiscent of academia at Oxford than the sunny locale of Florida, accentuates his scholarly aura.

"Sweetheart, do you mind coming into my office?" You can't help but cringe at the nickname. You've never been fond of the nickname. You were initially uncomfortable but later learned from Roberta, another librarian who looked like she was born between the bookshelves, that he addresses everyone this way. Annoying and reductive, perhaps, but ultimately benign. And honestly, apart from the cringeworthy calling, Director Robertson is an amicable presence with no noteworthy complaints.

"Of course, Mr. Robertson. Would you like me to come in now?" "Yes, please," he says, his fingers delicately twirling his long mustache, "I know you've just returned from your lunch break, so I presume you haven't embarked on any new tasks yet." Captivated momentarily by the whimsical sight of his mustache dance, you acquiesce and rise from your desk before placing a sign that reads "Keep reading - Be back in 15 min." Trotting diligently behind your boss, you traverse the expanse of the library, guided by the soft glow of sunlight streaming through the windows. Finally, you arrive at his office nestled at the rear of the building, granting an enchanting vista overlooking a courtyard where students are rushing to their next classes.

Director Robertson gestures toward the plush, cushioned chair positioned in front of his grand wooden desk, silently inviting you to take a seat. With a touch of unease, you settle into the chair, your hands nervously intertwining in your lap. There's something about Director Robertson's stern grandfatherly demeanour that always makes you feel like a scolded child in his presence. Seeking solace, you follow the advice of your therapist, taking a deep breath and counting silently (1-2-3), before releasing it slowly, allowing the tension to dissipate. Untangling your hands, you place them gingerly on the armrests of the chair. After all, sometimes you have to "fake it till you make it," right?

"What can I do for you, Director?" you inquire, maintaining a composed facade despite the underlying nervousness.

"AH! That's what I appreciate about you, dear!" Director Robertson exclaims with a hint of enthusiasm. "You don't beat around the bush, and you don't try to kiss my ass like everyone else around here!" His words, while somewhat brash, sound genuine.

"I am glad to hear it, sir..." You respond, feeling a sense of perplexity. The sudden shift in conversation catches you off guard, leaving you momentarily lost.

"How is that little girl of yours? Your little baby, right? How old is she now?" Director Robertson inquires, a touch of warmth underlying his words.

"Ella, sir. She's just about 5 months old," you answer, a fondness evident in your voice as you think of your daughter.

"Still so young! Ah, well, you still have a couple of years before she becomes unbearable. I've had 5 of those, my dear, and let me tell you, it doesn't get easier," Director Robertson responds with jovial teasing, his words laced with a sense of seasoned experience.

"Right, well hopefully I'll survive the tween years unscathed," you respond, trying to match Director Robertson's teasing tone.

Director Robertson bursts into a hearty, full-bellied laugh, his amusement filling the room. He reaches inside his desk, retrieving an official-looking letter. "Do you know what this is, dear?" he asks, a gleam of anticipation in his eyes.

"I'm afraid not," you reply, your throat suddenly dry with anticipation.

"This is a job offer that the University of Florida sent me last week for the directorial position in their library," he reveals. Your heart skips a beat. The University of Florida—the dream institution. Positions like that were nearly non-existent, as it seemed their librarians were born and died at their posts, passing the torch down the line.

"That's amazing, sir! You must be really happy," you exclaim, genuine excitement resonating in your voice.

"Well, I declined the offer," Director Robertson confesses nonchalantly, his words causing a mixture of surprise and confusion to wash over you.

"Oh, but why? The University of Florida has some of the best facilities in the state, and the salary must be significantly better than what we have here. And the access to all those books—it must be incredible!" You can't help but let your tone drift into wistfulness, envisioning the possibilities.

"I'm sure it is, but I'm reaching a certain age, and I promised my wife that we'd retire in her family's home in Capua," Director Robertson explains, a hint of nostalgia colouring his words. "Let me tell you, deary, I'll take Capua, Italy over the University of Florida any day. And you know what they say: 'Happy wife, happy life,'" he playfully scrunches his nose. "Make sure your husband remembers that dear," he adds, teasingly.

A heavy rock settles in your belly at his words, but you manage to smile through it. "I'll make sure to remind him," you reply, masking any personal turmoil beneath a veneer of cheerfulness.

"You better. Men sometimes need a good whack on their head to remind them that they would be nothing without their wives," Director Robertson remarks, his fingers fidgeting with his mustache once again, as if deep in thought.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not sure I understand why I'm here," you ask, your uncertainty evident. The words hang in the air, seemingly snapping the older man back into focus. His pale blue eyes settle on you before a secretive smile graces his face.

"Because when I said no, I recommended you for the job, my dear," he reveals, his voice carrying a sense of pride and hidden intentions. Your heart stops, the revelation jolting you with disbelief.

"You... You... You did what?!" you stammer, your voice escalating into a screech. Heat surges through your body, from head to toe, as a mix of shock and astonishment overwhelms you.

"Deary, you've been here for how long? Seven years? And in those seven years, you've completely revamped this library," Director Robertson calmly begins. "All the programs you added for the students have made this place thrive. The faculty-based librarian assistance program was a stroke of genius if I may say so. And the digitalization of our database was an incredible achievement that completely propelled us into the 21st century."

He pauses, allowing his words to sink in. "There was no one I would have felt comfortable recommending, as it is my name on the line. But you, my dear, I know that you have the capacity to make anything your own and make it shine."

The weight of his words hangs in the air, the realization of the immense opportunity dawning upon you. Director Robertson's faith in your abilities washes over you, mingling with the heat that had consumed you moments ago.

"Now, you don't have to accept, of course," Director Robertson remarks, his tone understanding. "The university is about an hour's drive from here, so it would be quite the commute. But it would come with a hefty pay raise." With a swift motion, he slides the papers across the desk, urging you to take a look.

You turn the papers over, and your eyes widen as you see the figures before you. An 8 followed by another 8, followed by a series of zeros that threaten to make you faint. It's more than double your current salary, a staggering amount that fills your mind with all the possibilities that would come with such a raise. "That's... That's a substantial amount of money," you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips. The weight of the figure displayed on the paper sends a shiver down your spine, leaving you momentarily speechless.

"Indeed, deary, indeed," Director Robertson affirms, his voice filled with a sense of reassurance and pride.

"I can't believe it; I don't know how to express my gratitude. Sir, I am so incredibly thankful for this opportunity!" you exclaim, a mixture of excitement and nerves coursing through you. "Should I send an email to someone? Who should I reach out to? Should I prepare for an interview? Oh my god, what about my work here?”

Director Robertson's smile remains warm and comforting. "Please, don't worry about your current work here. I have every confidence that Jocelyn will step up and shoulder her fair share of responsibilities. As for the university, they already have all your information and will soon send you a comprehensive email with all the necessary details. At this stage, any interview would primarily be a formality, as I know without a doubt that you will excel.”

You rise to your feet and extend your hand towards Director Robertson, gripping his hand firmly. "I promise, sir, I won't let you down. I will do my best to be deserving of the trust you have placed in me," you affirm with determination, your voice filled with gratitude.

Director Robertson's eyes soften even further, reflecting a genuine warmth. He clasps your small hand in his wrinkled, larger ones. "There's no need to worry about any of that, my dear. Just go out there, impress them, and let your radiant spirit shine like the sun," he kindly encourages,

Tears well up in your eyes, and with a small, trembling voice, you squeak, "Would it be too presumptuous to ask for a hug, sir?"

Director Robertson's kind smile widens, and he extends his arms, inviting you into an embrace. As he wraps his arms around you, you inhale the comforting scent of old cotton and pines, a fragrance that exudes reassurance and kindness. "Thank you for everything, sir," you murmur, your voice filled with gratitude.

"You deserve every bit of it, my dear. I don't think you fully understand the immense potential that resides within you. If you could truly see it for yourself, you would be unstoppable," Director Robertson assures you, his words resonating deep within your being.

Unstoppable. The word dances in your mind. You like the sound of that.

MONTH 3 – AUGUST

“Estrelita, my little love, I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the whole wide world. Even though Papa is away, please know that you're always on his mind. Let me tell you my all-time favorite story, the one your abuela used to tell your tias and me when we couldn't sleep. It's called "El Conejo y el Coyote," and it starts like this; Una vez el coyote se encontró a un conejito y le dijo….”

Frankie's voice fades as he skillfully imitates the rabbit and the coyote on the recording. Ella seems entranced by the story, yet unsure to hear her papa's voice without seeing him there. You've developed the habit of playing the recording at least once a day for Ella, so she can always be close to her papa, even when he's away. And if you're completely honest with yourself, you also play it for you. Even after all this time, hearing Frankie's voice still makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter.

Frankie's letter remains unopened on your bedside table. You haven't been able to open it yet. You don't know if you will. As much as you miss Frankie and hope he's doing well in rehab, you still don't know what you'll do when he leaves at the end of next month. You know he'll be allowed visitors as of next week, marking three whole months he's been there. But you don't know if you should go if you're completely honest with yourself. You know Ella has to go, that's not even a debate. But should you?

Alma is also unsure if you should go, stating that with your new job and the new hours, you should focus on yourself and Ella. She kindly offered to bring Ella with her when she goes for his weekly allotted visitation time. You might take her up on that offer.

Frankie's voice comes to a stop, signalling that the story is over, and Ella appears heartbroken. You notice her bottom lip flutter angrily, and her face turns red. Unable to resist, you chuckle and say, "Don't get mad peanut. Do you want to listen to your papa's story again?" With a smile, you walk over to the recorder and press rewind, filling the air with Frankie's voice once more. Ella's clapping and happy expression from her playpen make your smile widen.

Currently, she is nestled on a mountain of soft pillows, engrossed in playing with the play gym you got her when the rattle lost its appeal 3 weeks ago. It's hard to believe she's already in her sixth month—time has flown by, and she has grown so quickly. The thought nearly brings tears to your eyes. Ella is determinedly reaching for one of the planets hanging from the chord, but her little arms fall just short of grasping it. You laugh at her expression of determination, reminding you of Frankie and his own determined expression when he was working on revamping an old beat-up mustang, he got at a garage sale.

However, your thoughts are abruptly interrupted by a rapid succession of knocks at your door.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Coming!" you bellow loudly, making your way toward the door.

You open the door and are greeted with Benny's grinning face, in one hand holding a 6-pack of beers and in the other holding a toolbox. You roll your eyes and say, "You didn't have to bring anything, Benny. You're helping me, so I should provide the beer."

Benny smiles and replies, "Don't worry about it, sunshine. I had to make sure the good stuff would be here."

Teasingly, you inquire, "Are you doubting my beer selection, Benny?"

He lets out a laugh and says, "Nah, not you. Just Fish. You know he drinks that watered-down piss that passes for beer. I had to make sure there'd be something with more substance available."

"You're such an idiot, and you know I have tools, right? Frankie's got the locker full of them."

You scratch your head in embarrassment and continue, "I just don't know how to use them, that's all."

Benny laughs and says, "I can't in good conscience use another man's tools. Those things are like sacred, you know? Can't go around and mess up Fish's system or whatever."

You look at the large toolbox and see the name "W. Miller" written in large white letters on the front. You snort, "So that's why you took Will's tools?"

Benny's ear turns slightly pink as he responds, "He's my brother, everything that’s his, is mine or whatever."

You roll your eyes playfully, "All right, well, can I offer you one of the beers you brought then?"

Benny replies, "Nah, not right now, sunshine. I've got to be on my A-game to fix your shit. Where is it, anyway?"

You lead Benny toward the bathroom, where the fan is closed. Flicking one of the two switches, a loud groaning noise emanates from the top of the shower.

"The fan is busted. Now when I take a shower, I turn the whole place into a sauna. And I'm getting a bit afraid that mold or mushrooms are going to appear, you know? The landlord said he was going to fix it, but it's been 3 weeks with no answers. If Frankie were here, he would..."

You stop yourself, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"Anyway, I told the landlord that if he provided the materials, I'd fix it, and here we are."

Benny smiles and says, "Shouldn't be too hard. Are you ready to play assistant contractor, Sunshine?"

You snort and reply, "Sure, boss. Lead the way."

Benny puts the toolbox next to the sink and goes to inspect the damage. You hover around the door, keeping an eye on Ella who is still in the same position as earlier, now listening to Frankie tell a story about two volcanoes who fall in love. The scene brings a smile to your face.

"Hey, assistant, before I get started, do you mind shutting down the electricity for the bathroom, so I don't become Toasted Benny?" Benny asks. You nod and reply, "Sure, give me a sec." Making your way to the electrical box, you turn off the power in the bathroom. On your return, you quickly check on Ella, who is still determined to grab the hanging planet. You smile and give her nose a tiny kiss before making your way back inside the bathroom.

"All closed, Ben," you inform him. Benny responds, "Awesome. Can you grab me one of the adjustable wrenches? It should be on the top of the box. I'll just take out the old fan, disconnect the wiring, and fit the new fan inside. Should be all done in an hour."

You nod and pick up what looks like a wrench, though you're about 73% sure it's the right one. You ask, "Is this okay?" Benny extends his hand and says, "Yep, all good. Give it here." You place the wrench in Benny's hand, and he smiles at you, saying, "See, you aren't so hopeless. By the end of today, you're going to be the best assistant contractor in Florida."

You smile at Benny's puppy-like excitement and reply, "Sure, Ben, sure."

You watch Benny diligently work on the fan, removing the old moldy contraption. He lets out a whistle at the sight and exclaims, "Fuck, when was that thing installed? The fucking Stone Age?"

"Pretty sure caves weren't equipped with centralized electricity," you quip back. Benny looks down from his elevated position on top of the bathtub and retorts, "Ha. Ha. Ha, aren't you clever." You give him a broad smile and reply, "I know, right?!"

"Why don't you be clever over there and throw that old fan away," Benny suggests. You nod and reach for the old fan, making your way toward the bin. As you do, you hear Benny shout after you, "Make sure to bring back the new one!" You roll your eyes playfully and respond, "I'm not that clueless, Benny!" A loud chuckle echoes from the bathroom as you head to the counter where the shiny new fan awaits. Your eyes briefly glance at Ella, and...

"BENNY, BENNY, COME HERE QUICKLY!"

You hear a commotion coming from the bathroom as Benny stumbles out, panicked. "What?! What's wrong?!?!" he exclaims. You simply point to the living room carpet, your eyes filled with happy tears. "Look!!!" you say, barely able to contain your excitement.

Benny follows your gaze and looks down to see Ella on her belly, attempting to crawl toward the coffee table where the recording of Frankie has stopped playing. You urgently shake Benny's arm. "Quick, quick, grab your phone!!! Oh my god, she's never crawled before, Ben!!! I have to film this. Quickly, my phone is in the bedroom, grab yours!!!"

Benny's eyes widen with a mixture of astonishment and joy. Without wasting a second, he retrieves his phone from his pocket and opens the camera “Go to her! I’ll be your own cameraman!!!”

You smile warmly and swiftly make your way to Ella, crouching down next to the coffee table as she momentarily pauses in her crawling. She looks up at you with tired yet determined eyes. "Come on, my little peanut, you're almost there!" you cheer, feeling a surge of pride and excitement. In the background, Benny chimes in with a playful exclamation, "Let's go, Ella! Show them who's the best fucking baby in the world!"

You shoot Benny a disapproving look, and he responds with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Sunshine, I'm just...so excited!" he says, his words stumbling out of his mouth. Rolling your eyes, you turn your attention back to Ella. "Come on, peanut, you've got this!" you encourage her, your voice filled with loving adoration.

Ella's determined expression, so much like Frankie's, reappears on her face as she resumes her crawling. Benny and you continue to shout words of encouragement, your voices filled with excitement and pride, as she inches closer and closer to her destination.

Finally, Ella reaches the coffee table, and without hesitation, you bend down to grab her, gently scooping her into your arms. Overwhelmed with joy, you give her a crushing hug, unable to contain the immense love and pride you feel in that moment.

"You did so good, baby. Mama is so, so proud of you!" you whisper, your voice filled with pride. With a tender smile, you softly nuzzle your nose against Ella's. Ella coos happily in response, her little sounds of joy filling the air and further melting your heart.

You bring your face up and turn towards Benny, who is still holding the camera, a hopeful look in your eyes. "Did you catch all that, Ben? Wasn't she absolutely amazing?" you ask, eager to hear his response. Benny's face lights up with his signature megawatt smile, and he exclaims, "SHE WAS GREAT!!! Ella, you are just like a shooting shining star!!!”

Benny continues, his excitement contagious. "Now, proud mama, you got anything to say to the camera?" he prompts. With a radiant smile, you twirl around, holding Ella close to your heart. "Only that I've got the bestest little peanut in the whole world!" you declare with overflowing love and pride. Ella lets out a happy squeal in response, and the sound of Benny's laughter echoes in the background.

MONTH FOUR – SEPTEMBER

Frankie found himself seated at one of the picnic tables outside, overlooking the tranquil man-made pond in the rehab facility's backyard. Nervously fidgeting with his fingers, he’s been reflecting all morning on the past three and a half months he’s spent here. His mother had eagerly awaited the fourth month when visitations were permitted. However, Frankie had approached the session coordinator and asked for a delay in visits. Despite his deep desire to see his mother, sisters, daughter, brothers, and… You, he didn't feel emotionally prepared for it. Not yet.

The day before September 1st, Frankie had experienced a crippling panic attack that left him completely incapacitated. The following morning, he gathered the courage to stride into the office of the head therapist. Once there, Frankie had explained to him that he needed more time before he would be able to face anyone. Dr. Stevens had smiled and told Frankie how proud he was that he was finally setting boundaries and acknowledging his limits. If there was on thing Frankie’s time in the rehab had taught him, it was the value of recognizing his own needs, a lesson he had never truly internalized during his years in the army. He had become so accustomed to unquestioningly following orders, regardless of the harm they inflicted on him, that he had forgotten that he needed to care for himself and listened to his needs sometimes.

During therapy sessions, Dr. Stevens had emphasized the significance of listening to Frankie's own desires and engaging in introspection. The therapist pointed out that, by consistently ignoring his own wants, Frankie's inner turmoil found an outlet through self-destructive behaviours. Dr. Stevens believed that if Frankie started paying attention to his own needs and delved deeper into self-reflection, the compulsion to numb his pain with cocaine might gradually diminish, even if only minimally.

Frankie sighed heavily, his hand sweeping across his face as he noticed a mother duck leading her adorable ducklings across the serene lake. These past few months had undoubtedly been the most challenging period he had ever faced, and Frankie had been shot multiple times before. So that’s saying something. Confronting the stark contrast between the person he believed himself to be and the person he had become, all while battling intense withdrawal symptoms, had left him feeling lethargic during the initial weeks.

Throughout his life, Frankie had always viewed himself as a provider, a dependable man on whom others could rely. Memories flooded his mind, particularly the day his father passed away when Frankie was just a young boy. He vividly recalled how, the day before his father's death, the man he had admired for his strength and dedication to his family had called upon ten-year-old Frankie. "Francisco," his father had spoken with pain, surrounded by the incessant beeping of medical equipment, "I need you to take care of your mother and sisters when I'm gone. You will be the man of the house, and it's your responsibility to look after those you love."

Frankie had internalized those words and earnestly tried to fulfill his father's wishes, caring for his mother, sisters, and eventually you and Ella. However, in the end, he felt that he had failed spectacularly. When he confessed these deep fears to Dr. Stevens, a wave of vulnerability washed over him, tears streaming down his face. The older therapist regarded Frankie with a sympathetic expression, moving closer and offering a tissue.

"You haven't failed anyone, Francisco," Dr. Stevens reassured him, gently patting his back. "Yes, you've made mistakes, but now you are making the right choices and striving to make amends. You don't have to live up to any expectations or face external pressures alone. Your focus should be on taking each day as it comes. As long as you care for your wife and your little girl, it will be enough. I am certain that if they were here, they would tell you the same."

Then, Dr. Stevens had Frankie make lists. A list of the things he was most afraid of:

Loosing you and Ella for good

Seeing his brothers die

His mother never forgiving him

Dying before he could see Ella grow up

Not being the man, his father wanted him to be.

Then a list of all those he had hurt,

You and Ella, the two persons cherished the most.

Ben, Will and Pope, the brothers who counted on him and whom he let down.

His mother who didn’t raise him to be what he his today

Tom, whose life was lost due to the choices he made.

Himself himself

Then a list of all he regretted

Lying to you, betraying your trust.

Bringing drugs home, staining the sanctity of the home you built together

Taking your love for granted, failing to appreciate you.

Keeping himself closed off, unable to fully express his emotions.

Shooting first Causing Tom’s death

After finishing the lists, Frankie was instructed to go back to his room and engage and reflect on what he had written. Left alone with his thoughts, Frankie delved into the profound weight of his past actions and the far-reaching consequences they had on the people in his life.

Even though it was incredibly tough, Frankie drew strength from imagining you and Ella right there with him, offering unwavering support. Your smiles and hopeful expressions fueled his determination when he felt overwhelmed and tempted to give up.

Frankie knew how crucial it was to take his recovery seriously. He understood that unless he fully committed to it, the chances of winning you back would dwindle. But it wasn't just the fear of losing you that pushed him forward. Deep down, he genuinely wanted to change. He wanted to be a better man, not just for you but also for himself. He didn't want to be that scared and dishonest boy anymore.

Frankie was well aware of the pain he had caused you, and he acknowledged that the drugs were only a fragment of the larger issue. He understood that his actions stemmed from a deeper problem — his reluctance to open up and reveal the parts of himself he found most fearful and repulsive. The mere thought of you looking at him with disgust in your eyes was unbearable to him.

Deep down, Frankie knew that such concerns were unfounded. He knew that you would never judge him for his past or hold his mistakes against him. However, fear and self-hatred have a way of distorting one's thoughts and leading to irrational behaviour. Frankie recognized the irrationality of his actions and the influence fear and self-doubt had over his decisions.

But Frankie was learning. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that his fears and self-judgment were hindering his progress. He began to realize that the path to healing required vulnerability and trust, especially in his relationship with you. Overcoming his own insecurities and learning to open up was a crucial step towards rebuilding the trust he had broken.

For Frankie and you to have a chance at reuniting, he understood the importance of treating you as an equal partner, rather than just his wife in need of protection. Opening up and being honest with you were crucial steps he needed to take. In the group therapy sessions, the topic of his treatment towards you had come up, and one woman in particular, Ronnie, didn't hold back in expressing her opinion. She bluntly stated that if she were in your position, she would have swiftly shown Frankie the door, recounting her own experience with an ex-husband who had been a taciturn statue throughout their short-lived marriage.

Ronnie's words struck a nerve with Frankie, leaving him feeling exposed and vulnerable. He felt raw and tender. But he could only acknowledge that she had a valid point. He had failed to communicate and share his thoughts and emotions with you, and that had taken a toll on your relationship.

Dr. Stevens had attempted to calm the group, but the impact of Ronnie's words lingered within Frankie for a couple of days afterward. Frankie had no choice but to confront the truth of how his behaviour had affected you and how he had fallen short of being the partner you deserved.

Frankie's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a firm clap on his back, drawing his attention away from the peaceful pond. Frankie's face lit up with genuine joy when he catches the blue eyes of Will looking back at him.

"Will! Man, it's so good to see you!" Frankie exclaims, rising from his seat to embrace his friend in a tight hug. "How have you been, brother?"

"Good, good. Same old routine—VA visits, giving speeches, and keeping Benny out of trouble," Will replies, "Oh, and I might have met someone special," he adds, a playful grin on his face.

Frankie's face lit up even more. "That's fantastic, Will! I'm really happy for you," he exclaims, gesturing for his friend to take a seat on the opposite side of the picnic table. "This spot gives you the best view of this place," Frankie remarks, pointing towards the serene pond and the ducks swimming on its surface.

Will settles into the seat with a contented smile. "I can see why," he replies, appreciating the calm scene. His eyes then shifted to Frankie, noticing a change in his friend's demeanour. "You look good, Fish. Actually, better than I've seen you in a while," Will remarks, his voice filled with genuine warmth.

Frankie's expression softens, gratitude filling his gaze. "Thanks, Will. I feel good too," he confesses, a mix of relief and newfound understanding in his voice. "Being here has given me the time and space to confront things I wasn't ready to face about myself. I wish I had done it sooner, instead of being so stubborn. It was the best thing I could have done for myself and for them," he explains.

Will's smile widens, expressing his genuine happiness for his friend. "I'm glad to hear it, Fish," he replies warmly.

As the two friends catch up, their conversation started to delve into the time they had spent apart. Frankie eagerly sharing his experiences in group therapy and the progress he had made with his personal therapist. He spoke openly about the challenges he faced during the initial month of withdrawal, recounting the intense loneliness that had enveloped him during that period.

Frankie's voice grew heavier as he broached the topic of guilt surrounding Tom's death. Will's gaze turned serious, his eyes locked onto Frankie's, conveying a sense of understanding and empathy. With a firm conviction in his voice, Will interrupted Frankie's self-blame.

"None, and I mean it, Fish," Will asserts, his words laced with sincerity. "None of what happened in Colombia was your fault. We all had a part to play in those circumstances, and you don't have to shoulder that burden alone, alright?"

Tears welled up in Frankie's eyes as he nodded, his voice trembling with gratitude. "Thank you, Will," he chokes out, his voice thick with emotion. "I needed to hear that, to be reminded that I'm not alone in this. It means the world to me."

Will reaches out and places a comforting hand on Frankie's shoulder, offering both physical and emotional support. "You never have to face this journey alone, Fish," Will assures him, his voice filled with unwavering loyalty. "We're in this together, and I'll always be here for you."

A brief pause hung in the air as Frankie's gaze shifted to the side, a touch of melancholy crossing his face. He mustered the courage to ask the question that had been weighing on his mind, his voice tinged with longing. "Did you see my wife and Ella while I was away... How... How are they doing?"

Will's smile softens, his own eyes wandering toward the ducks in the distance. "They seemed well," he replies. "Ella grew like a weed, you know. And your lady, she's doing great. Got herself a new job with better pay. I could tell she was really proud of it."

Frankie closes his eyes, allowing the words to wash over him. For a fleeting moment, guilt threatens to seep in—the guilt of not being there by your side. But just as quickly, it dissipates, replaced by an overwhelming sense of love and admiration for you and the strides you were making while he focuses on his own journey of healing. "A promotion, huh? She's so smart. I can't wait to tell her how happy I am for her," he whispers. A spark of excitement flickers within him. "Did you guys celebrate? Because I can organize something once I'm out."

Will's smile broadens. "We thought we'd wait for you, but we did take her and Ella to Outback Steakhouse," he reveals. "Is she planning to visit before you leave?"

"I'll be out in two weeks, and Mama is coming with Ella next week, but I think it's best if we wait until I'm out," Frankie explains, his voice tinged with a mix of longing and practicality.

"That's fair," Will nods understandingly. "She seems well, Fish, but I can tell she's lonely. She looks like she misses you."

Frankie's eyes brim with tender determination, "She could never miss me as much as I miss her and Ella. This time here has made me realize how fortunate I am and how close I came to squandering it all. I'll never make that mistake again, Will, believe me."

A twinkle appears in Will's eyes as he reaches for his back pocket. "Wait, I have something for you," he said, pulling out his phone and opening the camera app. He scrolls through a collection of pictures; some he had taken himself and others that you had sent to him. "These are for you. Your lady wanted to make sure you knew they were doing all right."

As Frankie continues scrolling through the photo albums, he was greeted by a plethora of precious moments captured between you and Ella. Each image held its own story, showcasing the love and joy that radiated from your little family. In some pictures, you cradled Ella in your arms, your eyes filled with tenderness. Other photos focused solely on Ella, capturing her adorable expressions and mischievous nature. And then there were the silly selfies—the ones that always brought a smile to Frankie's face. They were the ones you both loved to take, capturing the candid, carefree moments of your lives.

There were morning snapshots, featuring tousled bedheads and tired smiles, Ella playfully blowing raspberries at the camera. Other pictures overflowed with warmth and sunshine, showcasing the adventures you embarked on during the summer. Ella in her tiny bathing suit, her chubby fingers clutching a plush cat toy. You and Ella wearing matching sundresses adorned with elephants, holding a basket full of produce from the farmer’s market. Frankie's heart swells as he sees an image of you delicately feeding Ella a small bite of ice cream.

Tears well up in Frankie's eyes—a mixture of longing and joy. Joy because he is so grateful to see you both thriving and creating beautiful memories. Sadness because he has missed out on these precious moments. As he continues scrolling, he stumbles on a video. With a quick double-tap, he initiates the playback, and your voice resonates from the phone's speakers.

"Come on, quickly, take out your camera..." your voice echoes, filled with excitement.

"Fish, wait a second, you should turn that off," Will's voice interjects, attempting to grab the phone.

But Frankie evades him, his body turning towards the lake, his back to Will. His heart yearns to hear your voice, to immerse himself in the presence of the family he deeply misses. The camera comes into focus, and there you are crouched next to the coffee table with Ella... Is she crawling?! Frankie's heart tightens as he watches his little Estrelita grow up right before his eyes, slowly making her way toward you.

And then he hears it, a voice echoing through the phone, "Go to her! I'll be your personal cameraman!!!" It's Benny's voice and Frankie's body tenses in response. The video continues, capturing your shouts of encouragement to Ella, and even Benny's voice cheering, "Let's go, Ella! Show them who's the best fucking baby in the world!"

Frankie catches your disapproving look at the camera, and Benny offering a sheepish apology. Sunshine. Benny called you sunshine. But it's just Benny being Benny, right? It has to be. Benny would never... he couldn't possibly… Do that. But deep down, Frankie can't help his mind from wandering into unsettling territory.

The video plays on, but Frankie's focus wavers. He can't seem to see anything else on the screen. And then, finally, Ella reaches you, and Frankie is jolted from his daze by your scream of excitement. Suddenly, a cold shock washes over him as he hears Benny's voice again, "Now, proud mama, you got anything to say to the camera?"

Your radiant smile is directed at Benny; Ella's happy satisfied face is all for Benny—it's all too much. He isn't there. But Benny is. Benny is there. Frankie can feel himself spiralling.

The phone is snatched from his hands, and Will sits down next to Frankie, gripping his shoulder firmly. "Benny was just there that day to fix the fan in the bathroom, it was all just circumstances, I promise you," Will reassures him. Frankie's voice trembles as he responds, "The fan was broken? And I wasn't there to fix it. But Benny was."

"No!" Will's voice booms with determination. "Don't go down that road, Fish. Understand? There's nothing going on between your lady and Benny. You've made incredible progress these past few months, and I'll be damned if you let yourself fall into another dark place. I wasn't there last time, but this time, I'm right here with you!"

Frankie's mind whispers, "Maybe it would be easier if I didn't come back. She has a new job, and Ella seems well. They'd probably be better off without me." He looks down at the ground, feeling his hands twist anxiously.

"Are you kidding me?!" Will exclaims. "Frankie, these girls love you more than anything in this world. If you leave, they'd be shattered. You're not thinking straight right now. Remember why you made that recording? So that Ella wouldn’t forget your voice. Fish, you knew you'd miss a lot of things by being here. But look, today you've been telling me how much progress you've made, how you're ready to open up and communicate better with your lady. With us. Well, let me introduce you to a new concept: trust. You need to trust that she would never do anything to hurt you. And you need to trust that Benny would never betray his own brother like that, okay?" Frankie takes a deep breath, absorbing Will's words.

“You are right. Of course, you are right. Sorry for freaking out like that.”

"It's all right. Are you really okay though?" Will's voice is filled with genuine concern.

Frankie's mind balks. Is he really… Okay? He doesn't have a definite answer. The old Frankie would have brushed it off, assuring Will that he was fine and that he didn’t care that Benny was seemingly playing house with you and Ella. Then he’d go snort a line in the bathroom to take the edge off.

"I don't know, Will. I don't know if I'll ever be all right." Frankie puts his head in his hands, feeling the weight of his emotions bearing down on him. Will places a reassuring hand on Frankie's upper back. "Then we'll take it one day at a time.”

One day at a time. Just 14 more days until he sees you and Ella again. Only 14 days until you decide if you want him back. Just 14 days until he must confront the consequences of his actions and the pain, he caused you over the past few years. Those 14 days stretch before him, both seemingly endless and surprisingly close. Is he truly ready? The honest answer is, he doesn't know.

Next chapter

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otometrashqueen · 2 years

Text

The Last of Us Part 1 and 2 Musings *Spoilers abound*

I finished up watching playthroughs of The Last of Us Part 1 & 2 this week and holy hell! SO good. So many feels.

I totally sympathize with Joel for not wanting to lose Ellie, but I also understand that Ellie felt robbed of her purpose for not dying in order to create a cure.

But honestly, what were the odds that her death would actually result in a vaccine?? She would die and they would have a starting place for immunity maybe? or understand how Ellie developed her immunity perhaps, but I feel like it would have taken more than just Ellie's sacrifice to develop a cure. I could definitely be wrong, but those are my thoughts. SO I'm probably more in the Joel camp as far as the ending of Part 1 goes.

Part 2 was, wow, A LOT. There is so much unpack there.

I was glad that Ellie eventually found out the truth and Joel was finally honest with her.

Joel teaching Ellie to play guitar was everything.

Also, Ellie having her own place and space was really good to me. I assumed that she would stay with Joel, but I liked that she had her own independence, but Joel was always close by if needed.

I liked that Joel was finally living near Tommy, I have a special relationship with my brothers, and we live pretty separated from each other so I liked that Joel got to have his brother nearby finally.

It seemed that Joel was more at peace in Jackson, for all the terrible things he did, he's our special boi and it was nice to seem him looking a little more relaxed and play the dad role to Ellie, whether she wanted him to or not.

LOOK AT HIM, HE DESERVES EVERYTHING <33

AND THEN THEY KILLED MY BOI :((((

I honestly was so shocked, that even when the next scene happened and Tommy comes to see Ellie. I was like, "Oh ok this where he says Joel is in a coma or something." BUT NOPE. T.T

It was a great and terrible thing that they did. A really bold piece of story telling and much respect for that, but I was screaming at the screen much like Ellie here.

This beautiful, flawed man, I was so upset, like for a whole day I was mad about it. I moved onto acceptance and I was very satisfied that Ellie hunted them down one by one.

Tommy going by himself before Ellie and Dina was dumb, especially after he had tried to talk Ellie out of it. The girls were going regardless of what anyone said. Tommy should have owned up to that and they could have helped taken care of each other especially having a singulair purpose to avenge Joel's murder.

What's incredible about this game is that it made me not care about the group that came after Joel, they killed my post apocalypse father, a daddy if you will. You don't mess with my daddies >:)

I found satisfaction in each of their deaths, even when we were forced to switch perspective to Abby, which I hated BTW, I HATED IT, but that's why it was so good right?! But even then, and I'll probably get in trouble for this, but I really didn't care when Owen and Mel died, I know, I'm a terrible person, but like fuck them for real. Fuck that stupid love triangle with Abby and Mel and Owen. I didn't care. I was too invested in Ellie, even though her story mirrored Abby's a bit.

I had mixed feelings about the ending as many did. I think Ellie should have either stayed with Dina or finish her revenge journey. The fact that she settled down just to pick up Abby's trail again later seemed a little wishy washy to me well then when she found Abby, she couldn't finish the job and lost her guitar playing fingers in the process.

So she had effectively lost Dina for nothing and did not avenge Joel and lost her only means of connecting with him, the guitar.

Now I can see her returning to Jackson to look for Dina, if she's even there, effectively leaving behind Joel's guitar and her revenge. And Dina could take her back, but like they what's the point of her going back after Abby???

Just to let her go, which at that point I was ok with because she had Lev and I was more invested in the Lev than Abby and I wanted Lev to survive for real.

What I was hoping was maybe Abby and Lev convincing Ellie to go with them to the Fireflies and maybe devise a way to find a cure that DOESN'T murder Ellie, if that's even possible. She fulfills her purpose, doesn't die which also preserves what Joel did to keep her alive and Ellie breaks the cycle of revenge. It would have made her losing Dina still shitty, but make more sense.

Ah well, what the hell do I know? It was a great and terrible journey and I'm happy I made it through. It makes me even more excited for what the show is going to come up for us. :)))))

Me too Joel, me too <333

#the last of us #the last of us spoilers #the last of us part 1 #the last of us part 2 #tlou spoilers #joel miller #ellie williams #abby tlou #lev the last of us #dina the last of us #tldr #Alyx musings #the last of us series #the last of us game #these are just my thoughts #don't @ me #please

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runchjoon-stan · 2 years

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Bus Ride

Synopsis ig??: This is just from a dream I had about Taehyun so I just decided to write it out while it was still fresh in my mind and kinda add some things to it too.. LMAO- You just got out of school and was looking for the place the members told you guys to meet at once you finished your classes so you could head out with the members to the their new concept photo shoot, Taehyun has this huge crush on you and you decide to tease him a bit, it’s kinda a weird way of teasing but that’s just what happened in my head while I slept okay.. T.T it’s kinda short n sloppy towards the end bc I wrote this literally as soon as I woke up.. ALSO this is my first time using tumblr..I have absolutely no idea how it works🧍from what I’ve read and seen it seems kinda easy?(This is also my very FIRST fanfic I’ve published, so it might be kinda bad.. I’ve read fanfics for years but they almost always have been smut LOL- so if you see elements of that you know why. Anyways enjoy this mess might kms abt it one day but idk🙂👍)

Warnings: Suggestive(Ish)?? Y/N kinda likes humiliating Taehyun but he's also kinda yandereish towards the end? I'm not sure at this point but it's fluff? Idk my dreams are weird man

Adjusting your school uniform you slung your bag over your shoulder as you walked up the concrete steps to where an unmarked bus stood waiting underneath some overhanging trees, you saw Yeonjun already on his way into the bus, shouting out to him only to realize the bright white earbuds that lay in his ears. Scoffing, “Stupid Yeonjun..” before speed walking your way over to the tall looming bus.

You made it to the open doors of the bus and was met with the sight of Taehyun laying down long ways with his arms behind his head, the low sounds of a soft beat coming from the earbuds in his ears as well. Yeonjun was laying in the back seemingly asleep due to the light snore coming from him.

You giggled to yourself when Taehyun pricked up his head only for his eyes to widen once he saw you in his view. “Enjoying yourself?” You ask from between the doors of the bus, looming your head slowly in when you see Taehyun slowly getting himself up. He hummed softly, taking out one of his earbuds to be able to hear you more clearly. Hmm he’s a bit more quiet today.. cute. Your thoughts started running as you stared at him thinking of the things you could only do to him once you had him right where you wanted.

Taehyun noticeably shifted uncomfortably under your gaze, eye contact was never usually a problem for him but whenever it came to you he just couldn’t bring himself to keep still under your stare. You climbed into the seat he was sitting in, bringing your body closer to his, your face being mere inches away from his. He jumped at how close you’d gotten to him so fast. “Hmm what are you listening to Tae?” putting your ear closer to his to try and see what tune was playing while putting your arms over his where he lay. You immediately recognized the beat to Blueming and pulled your face away from him in excitement. “Ah, I love that song too! You're a Uaena aren’t you..” You saw how flushed Tae had looked once you pulled yourself away from him and stifled a laugh silently to yourself. Your plan was falling slowly into place. Taehyun slowly brought himself up, his hair a slight bit disheveled from pressing into the seat of the bus so hard. Yet you only continued to smile at him as if you hadn’t just been inches away from nearly knocking your lips into his.

“Um, well, I..” He was at a loss for words, his mind choosing to focus on what had happened mere seconds ago making his brain feel fuzzy. You only continued to giggle at the state he was in just from you sitting near him. “Your too cute”

Suddenly the bus doors were opened loudly as the rest of the boys piled into the bus laughing and teasing each other. “Hey Y/N!” Huening shouted once he saw you seated. The boys are all jumping to sit themselves in the seat in front of you and Taehyun, while Beomgyu goes to shake Yeonjun awake.

You laughed at their eagerness while placing a hand onto Taehyun’s thigh as an ‘innocent’ attempt to calm him while you began to talk with the boys about the concept of the photoshoot they were going for. “Hey Taehyunnie, are you feeling alright? You look a bit red..” Huening asked concernedly, noticing how red Taehyun’s ears had gotten just from the placement of your hand, you struggled to keep a grin from forming with everyone staring at him you could feel how hot he was getting from the pressure. Poor baby.. I’ll save him this time. “Sorry guys.. I gave him a vero elotes earlier but I guess it was too much for him..” They all burst out laughing, with Beomgyu ruffling Taehyun’s hair, “Really Tae?! It’s not even that hot!” You guys all shared a laugh and poked fun at Taehyun until eventually the chatter finally died down and the boys began to settle into their seats.

The manager, staff, and bus driver finally came into the bus, doing a quick head count and settling into their seats as well. By the time the bus started moving the members were already fast asleep and resting their heads against each other or the windows, all except for Taehyun. No, he was for sure going to get his revenge on you some day. He looked at you as you rested your head against him falling asleep just like the rest, he moved a slip of hair away from your face as you slept and chuckled to himself as well. You were most definitely not going to get away from him either. He smiled down at your peaceful sleeping face. I'll make you regret this someday. ♡

#taehyun x reader #tomorrow by together imagines #txt fluff #txt scenarios #txt x reader #idk man #might kms #kpop smut #tomorrow x together #might change it later

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acatbyanyothername9 · 2 years

Text

I posted 3,924 times in 2022

That's 565 more posts than 2021!

109 posts created (3%)

3,815 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-slow-arrow

@marzipanandminutiae

@fragile-teacup

@smhalltheurlsaretaken

@punsbulletsandpointythings

I tagged 3,923 of my posts in 2022

#sw - 852 posts

#beautiful things - 816 posts

#fanart - 713 posts

#other people beautiful work - 707 posts

#art - 520 posts

#obi wan kenobi - 508 posts

#hannibal - 499 posts

#hannigram - 366 posts

#fandom lives - 301 posts

#will graham - 294 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#after rewatching the show i told a friend that a lot of the fandom seemed to have been unable to move on from s1 dynamics and characterisat

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Original Jedi younglings characters Additional Tags: Post-Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Illum- Star Wars, Angst, Pining, Introspection, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Attachement doesn't mean love Summary:

On Illum, Obi Wan waits in isolation for the sun and warmth to come out again

Here’s my fic for the Winter Exchanged and promptfill for @the-last-kenobi !

17 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

Fictober day 1 : “I chose you”

Prompt number: 1 "I chose you"

Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy

Paring: Qui Gon Jinn& Obi Wan Kenobi (Gen)

Rating: Gen

Word count: 100

Warnings: No Warnings

There's a joke in the Temple. Masters choose their padawans or Yoda does it for them. In Obi Wan and Qui Gon's case, the joke goes a bit differently.

"I didn't choose you,"Qui Gon used to say.

"No matter, I chose you," Obi Wan used to answer back.

That wasn't quite true. They did choose each other in the end, or so Qui Gon likes to think when Obi Wan's head rests over the scar on his chest where Maul's lightsaber pierced through him.

They chose each other again and again, in front of the Council, and on Naboo.

18 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Flufftober day 1 : Wearing each other clothes

Wolf Trap is cold in winter. It doesn't bother Will usually. Dogs make for a wonderful heater in the cold of the night. The bed might be a little cramped but it's better than to freeze to death. Will grew up in the heat and humidity of Louisinia's summers.

He never got used to Virginia's winters. Prison was even colder. It sank into his bones.

But now the cashmere is soft and warm against his skin. It smells of Hannibal and some of the other man's warmth lingers still.

Tonight he will kiss Hannibal lips and chase the chill away.

24 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

X-tober 2021 prompts masterlist

After a month of drabbles, here comes the final masterlist! This year the list is going to be divided between Star Wars and Hannibal.

Star Wars fics : QuiObi (gen and ship)

See the full post

26 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hannibal season 1 rewatch : episode 3

- There's this exchange between Will and Alana where Alana admits to taking advantage of Jack being unable to yell at her because he respects her. I feel like this is exactly this side of herself that Alana amps up in season 3 with Mason and even Hannibal. It's nice to see these hints

- Hannibal walking into Will's lecture to hear him say that the copycat was better than Jack must have been very pleasant for our resident narcissist.

I would have loved to see more of teacher Will in the following seasons. His demonstration was absolutely brilliant T.T And our resident cannibal does look very proud by the end of it.

- I'm trying to find a pattern for Will's glasses. In this episode he takes them off to speak with Abigail, but put them on again with Freddie. Maybe a barrier against Freddie unpleasantness? Let's watch and see.

- Freddie is really the first character that allows us to see the circonstances that make Will want to let his darkness loose. If his comment about pissing off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living isn't a death threat idk what it is.

- "I will choose the opinion that best serves my agenda" among all these people who obfuscate, you got to admire Jack’s frankness. He never beats around the bush.

- Marissa really sealed her fate when she called her mom a bitch didn't she? The look Hannibal gave her was chilling. BUT WHEN DID HE HAVE TIME TO GO TO THE CABIN AND MOUNT HER?????? How did he abduct her?? I know this show doesn't rely on irl logic and that's part of the fantasmagorical mood of the show. But still.

- How much of Abigail murdering Nicholas Boyle is Hannibal's design? He doesn't waste any time manipulating Abigail so she has to rely on him and him only. Was it a running trial for what he was later going to do to Will or is this his usual way of doing things when he finds someone with the right kind of potential for violence/murder?

35 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #fandom lives

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milkybonya · 3 years

Text

shoes by the door

Pairing: bf!Eric x (gn)reader

Summary: how college bf!Eric ends up moving into your apartment :]

genre: fluff! complete fluff :]

word count: idk but short T.T <1k ?

[a/n]: IM DOWN FOR ERIC SO BAD PLEASE HELP ME mom i have a crush on him <3

Eric pushed you into your bedroom, as if it was his own house. no, it was yours, yet he still acted like he owned the place.

giggles escaped both of your mouths as he pushed you again, onto the bed, mumbling something about how it's time you pay attention to him instead of the book you were reading.

he hops onto your bed after you, placing the back of his head on your stomach and closing his eyes, already having memorized your habit of running your fingers through his hair whenever he lays his head on you.

he hums as you massage his scalp and gently stroke his hair.

"what did you want to tell me, bub?" you ask Eric, whose eyes light up.

"right! so i've discovered a new hobby recently, and it's so fun. you should try it too! you.."

his precious voice continues on and his hands lift into the air, making dramatic motions while he speaks. it looks like he's mapping out the stars for you.

cute, you think, gently taking hold of one of his hands and bringing the back of it to your lips. he doesn't realize that your lips are glued to his hand until moments later when he stops talking mid-sentence and whines.

"[y/n]! [y/n], what are you doing?!"

you reply by kissing his hand again, which he pulls away and uses to turn himself onto his stomach and lift himself up. he hovers over you, his face just above yours as you laugh.

"what are you doing, huh [y/n]? making my heart beat so wildly!"

"i-"

he kisses you without warning, deeply and full of love. you're filled with butterflies, wondering how Eric's lips fit on yours so perfectly every time.

when he pulls away, he looks down at you with pride and satisfaction, as if you're a masterpiece (cause you are <3). his eyes take in every inch of your face before he leans in to kiss your forehead gently this time.

"[y/n], i think i'm in love with you," he said, smiling slightly with his lips parted.

"uh i think we've established that?" you say.

he shakes his head, his hair flowing from side to side.

"no, i mean truly in love. you make me want to... drop everything for you like i could just... move away with you and we could live together away from everyone and everything and..."

"Eric that's such a lie. i know you can't live without your roommates."

Eric laughs in agreement nodding.

"okay, you got me there!" he says.

"but seriously.. come here," he growls, laying back on the bed and pulling you onto his chest with his arms wrapped so tightly around you that you loudly squeal.

he kisses your shoulder, bare from your oversized shirt sliding down, then your neck, then your cheek.

"god i'm so in love! just marry me already dammit!" he huffs, burying his head into your neck.

"i will in the future, if we're still together and the time is right," you say, smiling at the thought.

"i'll treat you so well..." Eric mumbles.

"you already do!" you say, laughing.

he nods in agreement even though you can't see him with the way you're positioned.

"but [y/n], i was thinking... how about i move in?" Eric asks, slowly and shyly. you can feel his heart racing against your back.

you turn around to face him, and he's blushing ever so slightly.

"have your roommates finally pushed you to your limit?" you ask him.

he shakes his head, no. then laughs when you raise your eyebrows at him with suspicion.

"i swear, no! you know how much i love sharing a house with them... it just drives me crazy that we're both on opposite sides of campus and can barely meet cause our schedules conflict, with all our classes and stuff... imagine how nice it would be to at least wake up... next to each other and fall asleep side-by-side, too," Eric explains, and your heart melts more with every word he speaks.

"Eric..." is all you can say.

"it's okay, babe, take all the time you need to think about it," he says, hugging you more tightly.

it only takes a whole month later until Eric steps into your apartment with a suitcase and a few boxes. two toothbrushes in the bathroom, two mugs by the water filter, two pairs of shoes by the door. it makes your heart soar.

although you and Eric have slept over at each other's places before, this time, knowing that you'll get to do it for months and months to come makes your heart race as Eric stretches out his arms while laying beside you. you shuffle into his embrace and he buries his head into your neck.

"i'm so happy..." you say, almost tearing up.

"me too," Eric says, pulling back to gently kiss your forehead.

when Eric's alarm goes off in the morning and he doesn't wake up, you shower his face with kisses and whisper into his ear, tickling him until he finally opens his eyes. when he does, he hugs you tightly.

"are you sure you're okay with being my morning alarm? you know normal alarms don't work one me..." Eric says.

"i knew what i was signing up for when i let you live with me," you say, kissing his cheek.

"i know you don't have class until 2pm, but-" Eric starts.

"i'll come to campus with you to study. ah, hold on! i can make some breakfast for you now while you get ready," you say, getting up and shuffling to the kitchen.

"[y/n], i could cry!" Eric calls out after you, dramatically.

once he's finally dressed, he approaches you from behind as you stand in front of the stove, giving you a warm back hug.

"don't expect this every morning. i just feel nice today," you say, jokingly.

"i'll wash the dishes~" Eric sings, kissing the top of your head.

after eating together and laughing at a youtube video you both watched, you head out. the two pairs of shoes by the door disappear onto your feet as you run down the stairs to make it to the bus.

packed with people, Eric lets you sit as he stands right beside you, making sure no weird people fall on top of you. he hands you one of his earbuds and you both listen to your shared playlist of favourite songs. as you turn to look out the window, Eric takes a photo of you. he knows you'll scold him for taking it, but will probably end up uploading it on sns, and the thought makes him smile.

holding hands while exiting the bus and walking around campus to Eric's class, having to let go of his hand is sad even though you know you'll see him later today.

"study hard!" Eric tells you.

"you too, pay attention in class!" you tell Eric, who smiles before running to his lecture hall.

you look down at the shoes on your feet. just like you, they once sat alone at home. but now, both of you have someone to end the long day with, side-by-side.

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thedarkcoven · 3 years

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Daemon's Awakening | Ardyn Oneshot

Gif not mine. Got it off Google c: I am not the owner of it- Credit to Square Enix Warning: Extreme fluffiness (slight smut) ~ BASED OFF EPISODE ARDYN Ardyn x Reader. Reader is Verstael's maid. Lonely Ardyn. Reader befriends Ardyn. light non-con from Verstael (i.e. unwanted grabs). Shyish Reader. Virgin!Reader. Size difference: Ardyn is 6'2" and reader is 5'0". Body worshipping. Age gap (Cause y'know.... Ardyn is about 2000 years old or so; Reader is in 20s). Marking/unprotected sex. Oral sex (female receiving) Soft sex. Fluff. Please forgive any mistakes :) <3 Also sorry if it's crap T.T Ardyn deserves some fluff and happiness <3 Taglist: @gabrielasalazar18 @hauntedadagium @restless-mama Bonus: song for this cause it fits Ardyn so much <3

-M.E. 722- Chief Besithia was quick to put you to work to clean a few areas of the facility, early in the morning. You hadn't much rest yet as your feet drug sluggishly against the floors with cleaning supplies in hand. a yawn escaped you as you fixed the skirt of your gown that Verstael always made you wear. Luckily for you, your day was quick to come to an end; curious about whispers of the man brought into the facility that you heard from researchers has awakened finally. You were given platters of food and wine. You quickly shot your eyes down as you brought in the food, the sound of classical music playing calming your nerves a tad. Noticing a very attractive man with red-wine hair entering the room you made haste to place the tray down then grabbed hold of the hem of your skirt. Verstael gave a smile, motioning to the chair to the side of him. "Come. Have a seat. Give the man something to drink, will you?" Verstael's blue eyes shot up at you before motioning to the man's golden cup. "Ye-Yes, sir." You grabbed hold of the golden pitcher and leaned over, reaching to grab for his glass. The man took notice of how revealing the dress was, your bottoms practically exposed as the skirt of the skin-tight garb raised slightly. Verstael chuckled as he caught glimpse of the new man's eyes scanning your body. You let out a squeak, jolting forward slightly at the feeling of Verstael's hand running up your thigh to rest against your behind. "She's quite a beautiful thing, isn't she? Her name is Y/N. She will be of service to you however you deem fit during your stay." "He-Here you go, sir." You said as your (y/e/c) eyes locked with the man's amber ones. "Enjoy your meal." You stood straight, looking forward to the blank wall that was across from you as the mysterious gentleman clasped his large hands together and bowed his head. "Gods above. We thank you for the bounty you have laid before us..." Your face reddened at the sound of his velvety voice. So angelic yet sinful. "Don't want your food getting cold now, do you?" Chief Besithia asked, the gentleman motioning for him to quiet for a moment. Once the man raised his head, Besithia looked to him and continued to feast. "Are you enjoying your stay?" "No." At least he was honest. "You've been asleep for years. Appreciating the waking world will take some time. Perhaps I can help enlighten you while we dine?" "Was your examination of me a fruitful one?" Was he some sort of experiment? What would Besithia want with him? He just seems like a normal man. What did he mean by the man was asleep for years? "Oh yes. You've proven more intriguing than expected. No wonder they kept you locked away." Was this man a criminal? Who imprisoned him? "And to think that the powers of a daemon could dwell within the heart of a man. Incredible! the Starscourge doesn't take your life force but it gives you more.. Your cells can regenerate and heal themselves and you can daemonify other lifeforms as well. There's no doubt you are in fact-." "A monster." He felt ashamed of himself for what powers he held within. "No. Not a monster. A marvel. I can't wait to unveil all your mysteries." Ardyn sighed, putting his hand up to his head. "How long has it been since you brought me here?" You felt pity for the man. He didn't want any of this. "Roughly seven months give or take. The Lucians had you locked away for nearly two millennia. I'm surprised you haven't lost the concept of time. You must hate them for what they did to you." "What do you wish to gain from me anyhow? What interests you so about me?" "You said so yourself that you were chosen by the gods yet I think nay. You are merely a god yourself with powers like that that you hold. We need the powers that you possess. With your strengths, we can finally put an

end to the war with the Lucians." "Ah.... My desires are in the past." You nearly gasped as the man stood, towering over both you and Verstael. "The man that brought wrongdoing onto you may be long dead but his bloodline still lives on. Do you not have ill feelings towards them in some way?" "My feelings are none of your concern." Ardyn's face scrunched up in anger. "Come along. I have something I wish to show you." Chief Besithia said standing, walking toward a door. You were quick to follow, not wanting to upset him nor the man. During Besithia showing the man around, you learned of his name. Ardyn Lucis Caelum... the Founder King's brother. Your heart ached to see the rage written on the man's face as his eyes landed on the painting of Somnus. Later that night you brought in some towels and some shampoo along with soap. Ardyn's eyes were pulled from his book as you entered the room. He placed the book on the side table and stood, pulling off his top and letting it fall to the floor. Your eyes roamed his body before quickly looking away. He truly did look like he was sculpted by the finest of marble stone. Ardyn grabbed your chin softly between his index finger and thumb, lifting your face up so you were looking up at him. The scent of cedar, cinnamon, and a hint of citrus fill your nostrils. Your lips parted slightly as you let out a shaky breath, your eyes meeting with his amber ones. "Why aren't you cowering in fear? You're a strange mortal." Ardyn looked down at what you were holding. "Ah. For my bath. Right." You gasped and dropped the things as he dropped his pants, kicking them to the side. "I-I'm so sorry, sir. I must ask for forgiveness." You quickly bent down to pick up the items but Ardyn stood in front of you, your eyes traveling up slowly. "I... I um.. Oh my." You quickly looked away, standing up and walking over to his bed, sitting them down on the mattress. "For what, Y/N? Have you never seen a naked man before?" He asked, coming to stand behind you. Your face collided with his bare chest as you turned to look at him. "I um. I have before, yes. M-My master." You parted your lips, letting a shaky breath out as Ardyn placed a hand on your cheek. You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as he rubbed his thumb side to side along your bottom lip gently, a sad look on his face. "Besithia does so much to you doesn't he?" You blushed and shook your head 'no'. "Ju-Just unwanted touches is all." Ardyn frowned as he shook his head, pulling his ponytail out from his hair. Your hands were hesitant at first as you took his hair tie, placing it on his side table. Ardyn's hands on your sides startled you slightly until you felt him wrap his arms around you. He leaned forward and rested his head against yours with a tired look on his face. "Come bathe with me. Relax. Besithia said I could use you for whatever needs. Why not company? I want to get to know you." "Yo-You wouldn't want to see me naked." You said shyly, your face slightly red. "If you do not wish to join then so be it. Still relax, dove. Lay down on my bed." You froze for a bit as he walked over to his elegant tub before unbuttoning your gown, letting it flow down your body and pool around your ankles before turning to Ardyn. "Wow." Your face flushed, red with embarrassment as you stood in front of this man that was basically a God, his eyes taking in all of you. Your legs felt like jelly as you made your way to Ardyn. "I-I trust you." You say meekly. "I don't fear you." He smiled and helped you into the tub, pulling you onto his lap as your hand turned the warm water on. As the water filled you

relaxed against him, telling him of your childhood and how you grew up. How you were given up to Verstael at the age of 18 since he was looking for a lowly wench to serve him. Once the water was high enough, you turned it off and relaxed against him again. "I will make sure he doesn't touch you anymore." You let out a small breath as he moved your face towards his, his nose brushing against yours while he rested his forehead against yours. "Yeah? Why so?" Ardyn grabbed the body wash and squeezed some onto your shoulders before placing it down and rubbing it into your body. "Because I said so. You don't deserve any of that." You leaned your head back and closed your eyes as his hands moved down to your hips, turning you to face him. His calloused hands felt soothing as he moved the suds up, groping your breasts softly. "Shit..." You shuddered, gripping his shoulders causing you to push your breasts together. "A-Ardyn." "Such an exquisite view." He smiled mischievously and pulled you against him, pressing his lips to yours. You melted into the kiss, relaxing against him while deepening the kiss. Ardyn moaned into the kiss, one of his hands coming to rest on the back of your head while the other rested against your lower back, his fingers fanning out against your skin. The kiss was gentle, sweet, and you didn't want to stop. You felt him tense under you before pulling away, looking away from you so his hair would be blocking his face. "Ardyn?" His skin was now pale, black splotches and veins webbing all over his body. "Don't look at me." He said gripping your wrists firmly but not enough to hurt you. "It's okay. I'm not afraid." You placed a soft on his cheek and turned his face until you were met with black eyes with bright golden irises; his face looked as if he was bleeding black from his eyes and mouth. His brows furrowed together as he closed his eyes tightly. You could feel him shaking while gripping your wrists softly. "I-I'm sorry. I know I look-." "Beautiful. So fascinating." You say in awe. You press your lips to his while resting your free hand on his chest. He couldn't help but close his eyes and return the kiss, enjoying the feeling of your purity and kindness. He never felt so overwhelmed with emotions, his hands gripping your thighs as he stood from the tub with you and walked over to the bed without breaking the kiss. You were surprised he didn't slip and fall with you in his arms. A sweet giggle left your lips as he began to kiss from our lips to your neck down to your stomach, his stubble scratching against your sensitive flesh making you gasp and squirm. Ardyn hummed softly as he kissed right above your core, nibbling softly at your soft skin. Whimpers escaped you as he spread your legs softly, kissing each of your thighs as his hands moved up your body to feel your curves. "You're so beautiful, my dove. May I?" He raised a brow, the heat of his breath fanning against your core. All you gave was a small nod to give Ardyn an okay. He pressed his tongue flat against your cunt, moving it up slowly until he arrived at your clit where he licked with the tip of his tongue. "Ardyn!" You shuddered and clawed at the duvet causing him to smirk against you. "Mmmm. You taste amazing, dove." He held your hips down as he began to suck and lick at your clit desperately, looking up at you eagerly. It didn't take long for you to come undone, his tongue slipping into your tight hole, his hands holding your hips against his mouth firmly. "Ardyn! Please. To-Too much. It's too much! Please..." You cried out, pushing at his head slightly. He pulled

away with a chuckle before climbing on top of you and kissing you softly. "Please have me." Ardyn's eyes met with yours as he pressed into you gently, a small gasp leaving his lips as he felt himself sliding into you halfway, a slight pained expression on your face. He stopped and placed a hand on your cheek, wiping a tear away that rolled down your cheek. "You're doing so well, my beautiful flower. I've got you." A smile broke out onto your face as you turned your head and pressed a soft kiss to his palm. He smiled as well, eyes sparkling with joy. "I'm going to mo-move now okay?" His eyes screwed shut at the pleasure as he began to push the rest of the way in you. "Ardyn..." You threw your head back, your mouth hanging open as he slowly moved his hips against yours. He kissed along your neck and jaw, grabbing your hands and intertwining your fingers together as he kept his slow and steady pace. It didn't take you long to be squeezing his hands softly, resting your forehead against his and looking into his eyes while you squeezed him tightly; your walls quivering and convulsing as your body let go and let the pure bliss take over. Your name fell from Ardyn's lips in praises to the Gods as he held you close, his hips shaking slightly as he felt himself tighten, spilling his seed deep into your womb.

You both lay there, panting and looking into each other's eyes while coming down from our high, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. You couldn't help but giggle, pulling his hand to your lips and kissing it. Ardyn pulled out and pulled you against him so you could rest your head against his chest.

"Ardyn?" You say softly, the tips of your fingers making random invisible shapes on his chest. "Yes, my dove?" He replied resting his head against yours. "Please never leave me? No matter what happens... I want to be by your side forever." Ardyn smiled and placed a kiss against your forehead. "Of course. I promise. I'll find a way to figure out how I can be yours forever. I promise I'll never leave you." Ardyn was a man misunderstood. Daemonized by the Gods that gave him a horrible fate... until that day they gifted him a bit of light to shine through his darkness. A light that he cherished so much... his beautiful flower.

#ardyn izunia #ardyn izunia x reader #ardyn x reader #ardyn lucis caelum #ardyn one shot #smut #fluff #ffxv oneshot #ardyn lucis caelum deserves love #ardyn deserves happiness

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