#erik wtf is your last name

[nokingsonlyfooles]

That's NOT My Name

So the phone rings. 1st Canadian Medical Centre. WTF? "Is this Lee Erik?"

But it's CLOSE, so, because I'm a people pleaser, I help the receptionist out instead of hanging up. My family doctor wants a "follow up." Haaaaa, yeah. I thought I was done with doctors until March, but this guy gets CCed on everything and he'd like to straighten me out after the gynecologist ignored me and dismissed all my symptoms as somebody else's problem.

Let me put it this way. My last "follow up" went like this. *ring ring* "Lee..." rusting paper "[my actual last name]?"

"Yes." No point in correcting him, he never remembers.

"What do you need?"

"You told me to make this appointment. What do YOU need?"

*a pause, during which I hear more paper noises and clicking computer noises* "Did you have bloodwork done?"

"Yes. Several times."

*cursory discussion of what sounds like older results* "What supplements are you taking?"

"Vitamin D, calcium and magnesium." High latitude, winter months, I will take Vitamin D, not everything else he wants me to take.

"Are you taking sea kelp?"

"No.*"

*see article, "too much iodine can cause your thyroid to malfunction" and the endocrinologist told me not to take it.

"I really want you to take that. It has trace minerals." No mention of the iodine.

*tightly* "'Kay."

*click*

*to the spouse* "He's low-key trying to kill me."

And THIS time, the guy wants me to come into the clinic and wait in the loud, bright waiting room for... one assumes, basically the same "treatment." One time, they called up someone else with a similar name, gave them my appointment, and started closing the office while I was still there, after a four hour wait. Ha-ha-ha, and now I have issues with light tolerance due to the eye surgery. This is gonna be FUN.

I kinda want to show up drunk and/or wasted and try to get him to fire me, but I suppose if I make a scene that'll go on my record and impact my Canadian healthcare from now unto eternity, so that's not an option. I'm gonna have a rough week waiting for this stupid, unnecessary trauma to be inflicted, wondering if he'll mess with my meds or do something else that causes real harm, or if he'll just insult me and let me go... The latter is probably the best I can hope for. Maybe I'll see if I can wring another referral out of him, but I don't know if my spouse and I will have the strength. We had other things we wanted to focus this energy on!!

[makeyourdeanabi]

Finale Reaction- 2 months later

In the wee hours after the Supernatural Finale, after tossing and turning in my bed, I got up and wrote this... this was before I was actually active on Tumblr and I never thought I would share this because I was too self conscious.  I deleted it shortly after I wrote it because it brought me so much pain to relive it.  I have since watched the Finale again and have come to terms with it and I felt it was a good time to share my thoughts. I hope that my words may bring other people comfort who feel the same way.  Thanks for reading :)

Alisha

P.S. Sorry so long, I was feeling things and the words just kept coming and coming  ___________________________________________

I don’t blog.  Never in my life have I sat down to tell the world about my feelings in such a manner.  I may contribute on message boards and social media comments, but I never thought anything was worth my time to spill my guts into the ether when I am near certain that not a soul will read them.  But here I am.  I have to write because if I don’t get these thoughts out of my head, I am going to go full on insane.

That ending was bad. It was a disservice to the 15 years of an incredible show that was not only genre bending it was cultural norms bending.

I could mention the various tropes that this ending (and the previous episodes) invoked, but I am not well versed in them and would never want to do anyone a disservice with a comparison that wasn’t apt.

The buildup up of each character arc and then the glaring lack of conclusion for said character arc was laughable.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement.

I am destroyed.  

I am destroyed that the two men who have been with this franchise since day 1 wrote and directed an episode that they thought was the perfect ending. They thought this is what their devoted fandom wanted.  

I am destroyed that the lead actors signed off on this script and went so far as to call it their favorite.  I realize Jared was the only one calling it his favorite episode. Jensen admitted he had reservations about the episode and needed the wise words of creator Erik Kripke to accept it. I do have to say that taking the word of a man who left the show 10 seasons ago and hasn’t been involved in all the plot lines and inner workings since season 5 is probably not the best idea. I could be mistaken about the extent of Kripke’s involvement, but I am fairly certain that I am right in my assumptions.  

Dean spent 15 years (probably more) of his life feeling unloved, unworthy, self-conscious and convinced that his life had but one purpose and that purpose would ultimately be the death of him, and he had made peace with that.

He is given a best friend, potential love interest, who helps him to see that he is more than that, so much more than that.  He is selfless, he is caring, he is a lover, not a killer. His friend’s soulmate’s sacrifice is the catalyst for him believing that all these things are true. He even takes the step of admitting out loud that he knows he has changed.  He knows that his life is worth living to the fullest and appreciating what he has every day and honoring those they have “lost along the way.”  

To then kill him during a routine hunting trip in which the boys are up against a vampire nest they could take down in their sleep.  What could possibly have been the purpose for that?  To show that once they were no longer God’s little play toys their lives were expendable?  WHY?

Dean, arguably the greatest hunter in the SPN universe, was taken out by a fucking rusty piece of rebar, and instead of trying to call for help and get the man to a hospital (not sure it would have helped) he has his final monologue, the one he has been due for the latter half all of Season 15.  He died scared, in pain, and sad.

Dean goes to heaven, and its not the heaven we have been told of in the past where you are living in your memories.  Its truly life after death and its wonderful. He meets Bobby again and told that various people in Dean’s and Bobby’s life are close by.  His parents live down the road.  His father, who was never confirmed to be but was most likely an abusive bastard, lives just down the road with his mother.  Wonderful. (WTF?) He gets confirmation that Cas is out of the empty and he smiles, nothing more.  He sees baby and goes for a drive, not to find Cas and thank him for his ultimate sacrifice, but to just drive.  I like this part because we see a happy, content Dean, and we finally get to hear Kansas’s “Carry on Wayward Son” (DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF THE ROAD SO FAR AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE). I just wish Dean’s path to heaven had been a little easier on him.

Dean deserved better.

Castiel, the selfless angel who just wanted to find purpose in his life and ultimately found it in death. He dies never being told that he is loved, after countless times of professing his love to his found family. The angel who sacrificed himself to the Empty, a horrible place of unspeakable torture, to protect the man he loves.  A man who, mere days later (in my mind anyway), arrives in heaven after being killed in a gruesome accident, rather than fulfilling his destiny that Cas fought so hard to protect.  Some sacrifice. It turns out that Cas is saved by the Empty from Jack, but we don’t get to see his joyful reunion with Dean, the man he loves.  

Cas deserved better.

Sam is left to live this life without his brother, and potentially the love of his life because the writers couldn’t be bothered to confirm Eileen’s re-existence after Chuck’s rapture.  He has a family, and he grows old (mind you with REALLY bad makeup in a show that is known for their incredible makeup/special effects departments).

He seems to be happy, but you can tell something is missing.  We come to see that he raised his son to be a hunter.  He raised his son in a life that, at the outset of this show, he was desperate to get out of and live a normal life.  Perhaps he no longer believes that anyone can live a normal life knowing what is out there. *EDIT* Looking back I don’t believe he raised his son to be a hunter, just gave him the tattoo in case.

He names his son Dean, because of course he does. He has a wife who we see from a distance and is never given the clarity if it is Eileen or not.  He finally dies after what looks like a slow and painful illness and is sent to heaven.

In heaven he meets up with Dean.  This was lovely.  The two of them meeting again after so long, for Sam, that is. Dean only had to seemingly wait for a few hours.

Sam deserved better.

For a show that had the potential to go out on a historically significant high, this is disappointing, to say the least.  The story had the potential to end with 2 brothers who have sacrificed so much and saved so many people, find a happy ending.  Not only that but find a happy ending with a deaf partner and a gay angel. If that isn’t breaking barriers and bending norms, I don’t know what is.  I really would like to know what prevented this from happening.  Be it the CW from restricting them or maybe the absolute lack of originality from the writers, I am curious as to their reasoning. Maybe it was COVID.  Maybe because they couldn’t have those two actors physically on set due to protocols, they didn’t want to shortchange them by having them appear otherwise: disembodied voice, phone call (DONT TOUCH ME) or even a flashback… hell STOCK FOOTAGE! I don’t know and I clearly can’t imagine the reason.

I realize that there is nothing that can be done about this episode now and that accepting it and moving on is really the only way forward.  But the legacy this show has left, and its lasting impact on me and my life, cannot be ignored.  I was looking forward to indulging in past episodes of this show for the rest of my life. It is going to be a long time before I can watch an episode without anger and resentment towards what I know to be their eventual end.  That, to me, is unforgiveable.  

I don’t expect anyone to actually read this because I do not have any followers. I have never blogged in my entire life and was only recently introduced to the online fandom, but I needed to write this.  I needed to share the impact that this episode had on me.  I do hope that it does reach those in the fandom that may have similar feelings and are able to use my words to help express how they are feeling.  We can move on, and we will move on, but we need to do it together.

I know that there are people who, if they read this, would shake their head in disbelief that I became so emotionally invested in this show that watching a bad ending would take such a toll on my mental health.  

To them I say, imagine this… The Pittsburgh Steelers (my favorite team, they can imagine their own) have an incredible season.  A season where they saw a myriad of highs and lows. Veteran players making incredible comebacks, rookie players coming in to their own.  Season ending injuries that lead to the next man stepping up and contributing in ways they weren’t sure possible.  Now imagine they make it to the Superbowl and after 3 tough quarters, in which they played their best, getting better with each quarter, they lose it in the final minutes.  All that blood, sweat, and tears for nothing.  Now imagine that was their last season and the Pittsburgh Steelers are no longer an NFL team.  They are done.  No “we’ll get ‘em next season.”  No “it’s just a game and there is always another one”.  Just done.  Their entire franchise, for a brief moment in time, reduced to those final minutes where they failed to win.  Devastating. Of course, in the long run that is not what they will be remembered for.  I mean, after all, they have won 6 Lombardi trophies, and no one is taking that away from them.  But the sting will remain for a while. *EDIT* This was as close to prophecy as I will ever get, the Steelers did all of the above until the playoffs, but THANK GOD, there will be another season.

If I can’t make you understand with a sports metaphor than I will never make you understand.  

I love this show and this loss is devastating.  I do hope that it is remembered for more than their last-minute loss.  I hope it is remembered for the joy and acceptance that their fandom felt with each episode, for the laugher on set and the gag reels. I hope it is remembered for the individual players who gave it their all. I know it will be, but for me personally, this sting is going to last for a while.  

[dontcallmecarrie]

screw it, this “too many options that all sound appealing” thing is really messing with my rhythm so here, outlines for Endings 1-3. Major spoilers inbound, read at your own risk.

Ending 1: Stay With The Original Plan

canon ensues on Loki’s side, aka he falls right into Thanos’ clutches. [Un]fortunately for him, Thanos is even more pissy than in canon, since ‘his love’ is MIA and he’s hyperfocused on assembling the Infinity Gauntlet under the belief that this’ll be what finally gets her to say yes

somewhere in here, Loki realizes that this is the purple bastard Hela kept telling him about. Just to make this entire experience even more hellish, because having to listen to Thanos talk is more torture than the torture. 

optional, probably won't write: at some point, Thanos asks Loki for dating advice. Which’d go about as well as expected.

Meanwhile, Asgard, Earth, and just about everywhere in between has their hands full now that Helheim is empty and all of its demons are having a field day.

somewhere during the chaos, Fenrir breaks his binds and steals the Aether on the way out. 

cue potential alternate antagonist to make the Avengers assemble. Surtur, perhaps, for maximum irony because...

Jörmungandr wakes up just in time to see Hela bust out of Helheim, and immediately invites her to come with him. Fenrir joins the club when he gets out, too, and cue minor time skip as they all catch up and help each other reacclimatize to living outside of a glorified prison/the modern world. 

okay, from here, there’s two further endings I’d be having to pick between.

Option A:

shit goes down when Loki shows up.

The Avengers assemble, and get not one, not two, but five Asgardians crashing the party on the Helicarrier.

turns out one of them’s an ancient sorcerer who’s been camping out on Earth over the past thousand years and influencing some of their myths. Somehow, this isn’t the weirdest part.

a lot of dirty laundry gets aired in a very short period of time, aka the Avengers get a front-row seat to the shitshow that is the Asgardian royal family and Thor’s respect for his father tanks. 

The local sorcerer is the one who figures out Loki’s being mind-controlled, and Hela is royally pissed off when she finds out who’s responsible. 

well, actually, that’s not entirely accurate: when they find out Loki’s condition, nobody takes it well, and since some of the people in the room were basically used as living weapons for the better part of a millennia, well...

RIP, Thanos. 

[insert family reunion and happy ending here, probably]

Option B: 

[insert antagonist name here] shows up, Avengers assemble.

Cue confusion when an alien trio beats them to the punch, feat. a fuck-off huge wolf, a goth chick who keeps throwing swords [seriously, where is she even getting them from?], and a honest-to-goodness wizard. 

Cue even more confusion when Thor recognizes them as Loki’s friends, and then a lot of stuff goes down very fast when he finds out that they’re famous on Earth— because they’re prophesied to bring about Ragnarok, the fall of Asgard. 

[insert drama here]

Fenrir, Hela, and Jörmungandr quasi-joining the Avengers? Not as impossible as it sounds. 

Thanos shows up looking for the Infinity Stones. Hela oneshots him, and maybe brings him back to life just to kill him again when they find out what he did to Loki.

cue happy ending.

Ending 2: All The Angst And Dramatic Irony [feat. Major Character Death]

this one’d make it all a tragedy, and I hate making myself sad and also I didn’t tag for major character death, so that’s already two strikes against it but my brain can’t let it go so here goes:

Loki died when he fell from the Bifrost. 

Hela and Jörmungandr don’t know this, and don’t have much to compare notes because Jör last saw him when he fled and Hela’s last conversation was right before Thor’s coronation. However, they are aware that Loki succeeded in his mission of getting Hela free, and they know how happy Odin would’ve been when it happened— they’re operating under the assumption that he’s been imprisoned for treason, and gearing up to invade Asgard for the sole purpose of getting him out. 

The events of the first Avengers movie doesn’t happen/gets skipped.

Fenrir breaks out during the Convergence, scaring the crap out of Jane Foster and taking the Aether with him. 

The group has a reunion, and then all eyes turn to Asgard. 

Chaos ensues when the Dark Elves’ invasion is interrupted by a separate, entirely unrelated attack that somehow manages to do even more damage.

and incidentally end up fulfilling the prophecy along the way, because they have a bone to pick with Odin and everyone who helped him

Cue angst and sadness when the truth about Loki comes out. Because Thor enters the fight, and Fenrir/Hela/Jörmungandr would inevitably ask “where’s your brother?” and then out comes the story of what happened on the Bifrost

...and because I made myself sad, here, have an alternate ending:

Hela and the others categorically refuse to accept he died, and keep looking. 

Jörmungandr in particular points out that the Bifrost can result in wonky time-space shenanigans if not monitored closely, and considering the circumstances in which he fell, well...

Fenrir goes to town on Sakaar when they find Loki.

cue tearful reunion and happy ending.

Ending 3: CHAOS [the fun one that I’m honestly leaning towards]

aka taking all of MCU canon that I remember, and sticking it in a blender because timeline fuckery abounds and absolute no one knows wtf is going on anymore. 

Taking full advantage of the “Bifrost can result in accidental time travel” thing, and the fact that Thanos is distracted looking for Hela and the Infinity Stones which in turn affects when the events of the first Avengers movie happens, well...

after Loki falls, cue minor timeskip because of Reasons. Hela and Jörmungandr get the chance to start recovering from the whole “living on the run/being forced into this position” thing, and also start looking

then a lot of stuff goes down very very fast.

Loki shows up in Germany, catching the attention of not only the Avengers, but Hela and Jörmungandr. 

...the alien god talking about subjugation should’ve been the guy getting all the headlines, had it not been for the gigantic glowing wolf that showed up halfway through his speech. Or the aliens that followed him from gods-knew-where.

aka Fenrir breaks out during the Convergence, and the Dark Elves really, really, really want the Aether.

aka yes, this is the one where the events first Avengers movie and Thor: The Dark World happen concurrently.

SHIELD has their hands full, Erik Selvig and Jane Foster are working overtime to figure out wtf is going on, and Thor is less than helpful because all of other aliens can and will attack him on sight. 

Thor tries to drag Loki into custody.

Loki gets kidnapped on the way. By a wizard, because why the fuck not, things were already weird enough as is. 

Tracking down said wizard is an exercise in futility, but damn if they don’t try anyway. 

Having Clint Barton and his associates get portalled in with an honest-to-goodness apology note? Sure, just add it onto the pile. 

Everyone in SHIELD is confused, anyone who knows their myths has just been screaming this entire time because there’s also been sightings of an enormous snake in the oceans [Jörmungandr’s defense system was working overtime, sue him], and things just keep escalating.

Eventually there’s a team-up, and then a human wizard shows up too? Saying something about how their duty was to safeguard the Earth from extradimensional threats and obviously SHIELD was doing a shit job of it? Fine. Just...fine.

hi, Stephen Strange

aka the Avengers assemble and there’s more of them because all hands on deck

[insert snappy dialogue and interactions here]

Hela when she finds out what Thanos is up to: (ง'̀-'́)ง

[insert cinematic fight scene with all the drama and irony and Norse mythology references]

cue happy ending

[leafenclaw]

Tag your 10 favorite characters of all time

They can be from every book/movie/TV show/Video game, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by @jamlocked, thank you! :D

But also, oh god. XD

Early on as I was making that list, I encountered three problems: 1 - Most of my favourite characters of all time are actually variations on a single character archetype, with a whole damn lot of them even wearing the same name (or similar enough lol). 2 - Most of the ones that don’t fall under this category are from the same 2-3 source material, unless... 3 - ... they’re from sources that I cannot in good conscience recommend anymore, like for example books from MZ Bradley or OS Card that were extremely significant and shaped who I am, but considering what their authors turned out to be, enough said lol.

So instead of a “my favourites of all time” list, I just picked characters that made a significant and lasting impact on me, even if they didn’t turn out to be my absolute favourite from their media source. I hope that’s okay!

Cut for length, because as usual I got chatty.

In no particular order, aside perhaps for the first two: 

1 - Jamie Moriarty from Elementary. My everything. <3 She’s made of... honestly, pretty much all the archetypes I inevitably fall for, male or female, but somehow she rises above the sum of her parts and I cannot even start expressing how much she means to me. Other characters in the same general type would be of course all the Moriartys, Magneto, Gellert Grindelwald, Red John, Alice Morgan, etc. A lot of those characters are heavily defined by their sky-high intelligence and deviousness, but more importantly by the shapes they leave behind when they aren’t on screen/on the pages or when they’re hiding behind masks and facets that never encompass them as a whole, and by the way they always make a extremely lasting impact on the protagonist. When it’s a TV show or a movie, the use of camera language (lighting, colour schemes, camera plans, etc.) around them is always tightly defined and significant, and when it comes to literature, the same effect is applied through metaphors and symbolism. It makes the layers to those characters absolutely endless and when it comes to storytelling, it’s the one thing that’s guaranteed to hook me straight away. (Jamie is also obviously my favourite from her source material, even though Sherlock comes high in second place, and Watson a close third. And I also have a baffling soft spot for Joshua Vikner that probably deserves a mention lol.)

2 - Vegeta from Dragon Ball. Started a genocidal alien who regularly committed mass murder, ended a devoted, self-sacrificial husband and father of two (three if you count his son from the future). Still the best redemption arc I’ve ever seen (and probably will ever see) in any kind of media ever. (He is also -by far- my favourite from his source material.)

3 - Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. My fae child <3 Literally the only female character I ever identified with in that whole series. People close to me still regularly tell me I channel her lol. (Favourite from her source material: it’s a toss between Gellert Grindelwald and Severus Snape.)

4 - Jareth from Labyrinth. My (other) fae asshole child found in a trash bin lol. Love of my life before I was 10, kept me sane and believing in magic when I most needed to. I learned contact juggling because of him. (He is my fave, although I love Sarah even when she’s being a dramatic whiny teen.)

5 - Rebecca Anderson from The Mentalist. I have a strong and everlasting love for pretty much all characters in TM, but this one extremely minor character made a chilling impact on me by the fact she’s exactly who I would have turned out to be had I not made one tiny little change at a crucial point in my life. So she makes the list if only for that. (My fave TM character is Lisbon, but the way she acts and reacts baffles me on a daily basis. I understand and identify with Jane much better. Fighting hard in third place would be Lorelei Martins and Madeleine Hightower, I think, but I truly love them all and by this point it’s just nuances.)

6 - Erik from Phantom of the Opera. This one stabbed me with a spoon and ate my heart out lol. I care a lot more for the original Leroux version than the Broadway/movie version, but the absolute top iteration of this character is written by Susan Kay in the pastiche Phantom and I bet every serious PotO fan will agree. (He is -by far- my fave, with the Daroga a distant second.)

7 - Eurus Holmes from BBC Sherlock. This one took me completely by surprise. One of the shittiest character arcs I’ve ever seen, and yet. She’s the one that pulled me out of the meta mindset I had been stuck into since season 2 and gutted me like a fish before I had time to realise what happened. (Jim and Irene share the top spot for their source material, but all three Holmes siblings are fighting for third place.)

8 - Hans from Frozen. The one character that made me realise the storytelling & camera language studies paid off lol (”wtf Disney doesn’t design its princes that way, there’s something off about him!”). I genuinely hated him right off the bat when I saw that movie because he made my gut twist with so many red flags, but the moment he revealed himself as a villain things clicked into place and now I love him lol (I’m so predictable xD). He shares the “hiding behind smoke & mirrors & facets of himself” with the Moriarty archetype, which makes him fascinating to watch and analyse, and for that alone I hope to see more of him in Frozen 2 because I never get enough of that kind of character. (Elsa used to be my favourite, but lately there’s been a disconnect. I’m not sure if I just out-grew her or if it’s a depression thing. As for Hans, it’s a strange kind of love/hate/fascination thing that I couldn’t define.)

9 - Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs. For the sole reason that her fascination for Hannibal and the pull that makes her come back even though she knows he’s terrible for her mental health made me feel seen, and also validated my own fascination and love for villains, which people around me always found strange. (Obviously, my fave is Hannibal. I wish the recent show about him wasn’t so gore. Can’t watch it because I’m too sensitive to on-screen violence and body horror.)

10 - Laure/Mickaël from Tomboy This one is a little harder to explain, and to be honest I’m not sure I really want to. That movie is... questionable lol but maybe you’ll have an idea why that character made such an impact on me if you saw it. (Or maybe not. It’s okay.)

Runner-ups: Link from A Link to the Past, Sheik/Zelda from Ocarina of Time, Jake from The Dark Tower, Scotty Valens from Cold Case, Scar from The Lion King, Billy Elliot from Billy Elliot, Arya Stark from ASOIAF, Garraty from The Long Walk, L from Death Note, and many many others.

I have exactly 10 followers, one of them tagged me, and I tagged 5 of you earlier on something else so I’m not going to harass you people further. XD Steal this if you want to!

[flameontheotherside]

My Own Ascension & The End

It’s my understanding that everyone's is different. I don’t take the lists people make seriously. They do have SOME merit but not real particular order. It’s kind of a waste of time to worry about it IMO.

I’ve always been kind of intuitive like from the time I was aware. Seen and talked to dead people and see deceased animals like my mom’s dead dog. That was the last time I think I saw plain as day. Seeing them creeps me out. It still creeps me out and I DON’T want it back. God can keep it. Nuh-uh, no thanks, bye!

My skepticism change over time.

I’ve spoken to psychics kind of obsessed with why I felt the need to find this “person” and why did it feel urgency. The urgency had gone away when Erik died. It was later that everything each psychic said to me was pretty true from meeting him by a body of water (in my dreams he was associated with water), that I had some kind of connection with some kind of “love sector” (Yeah WTF is right), I specifically asked about this person who I called my “long-distance boyfriend”.  That the one I was looking for was going to leave and there was nothing that could be done about it. This was around the summer right before his death. I crawled into my closet and cried my eyes out. I just knew it was him. That I also failed to find him. That my life was over and I literally felt like dying. What was I living for? Like what’s the point?

After his death I felt my life was over.

The urgency I felt to find him had gone away. Since I just turned 20, I’d been sneaking alcohol and getting shitfaced at karaoke bars and house parties. I just wanted to forget about him! I covered up my pain with wise-cracks, un-serious relationships, being a drama queen, doing things I should have gotten arrested for, and getting high. I didn’t care if I lived. Even while medicated, I just didn’t care. I picked up a few “boyfriends” and I felt nothing. I only did it because I was starting to see my friends dwindle away one by one with families of their own. So to forget about the pain, I tried to have serious relationships. I became in denial that Erik was dead. Like the clock had long since stopped ticking. I became a wreaking time ball. I realized these men were just mistakes. I didn’t really love him because somehow I loved that thing which followed me around and I did feel him with me for real. I just was afraid to find out. 

My experience didn’t begin to accelerate until Erik died. 

I remember laying down and being freaked out seeing my chakras open up. I felt and saw each one. I wasn’t very educated on chakras. When it became too much, I ran out of my room like a bat out of hell or I wasn't really educated any of the stuff. But I knew a little. Since then I had repetitive dreams seeing him exactly as he was. Again, only I didn’t know it was him until much later. The same dream of being at some kind of pool party, beach, lake or whatever. I was with friends I never seen before I only found out where my friends from “home”. It was always fun but sometimes the water was murky, shallow or deep. It’s symbolism on my spirituality. I was teetering on and off “the path” since the dreams because. The water had much to do with where I was in life. If I was miserable, it was shallow and murky, murky, or just shallow...You get the idea. The water got deeper I got close to meeting Erik. I remember being told to get in a few times. I also remember when I was about 12-13 I was afraid of deep water because I almost drowned. But I had a dream that an Angel had been with me at a friends house. I was instructed to just jump and I did. Since I survived I loved deep diving. Fun as shit. Not sure if it has much to do with it. I’m hearing a no but I’m including it anyway.

Lemme give you the process...

Around ‘12-ish I bought a pendulum with the idea of using it like I do now. Things took a turn for the worst soon after I bought it. It broke and I didn’t have time or energy to try it anyway. Not until a couple years later at a better time in my life. My apartments were haunted and that’s when I got the sense someone was following but it wasn’t bothersome. Most of the time it was comforting. I did feel him around at the home I grew up in but it wasn’t as prevalent. The dreams were still happening. In ‘13-ish I had the dream I wrote about visiting home in The Realms and Erik bombarded me about my spiritual journey and how I didn’t want anything to do with it. It’s still vivid in my mind like a memory. I really fought over how I didn’t want to incarnate. This was as my higher-self. I looked different and felt different. Now I do see her as my higher self the same as in the dream. Trippy.

Fast forward to ‘16...

Times were hard. I lost my job and the money I was making. It wasn’t really a good job anyway. I realize while on my medications, I was able to connect better. As in my intuition was better understood because they kept me calm and centered. But that wasn’t realized until I was back on meds and able to look back at the times I was medication. I also realized that if my “abilities” to be intuitive went away while off my meds, it might be alarming. But it was impossible to sit still or concentrate long enough to give a shit off of them! So anyway, shortly before I got on my meds I had a dream about Erik. But I started my meds again and noticed the dreams coming it more and more. 

Early ‘17 I asked God to have my abilities back feeling that there was something I needed to do. Like I have a real purpose and it had something to do with my abilities that have taken a temporary backseat. Did some researching to find out what I can do to have my abilities back and got back in to reading my cards regularly. I saw a movie I’ve seen so many times basically about TFs (In Your Eyes) and thought how cool it would be. Ironically it would my experience with Erik in some kind of way but generally the same. Only he’s dead...

It got intense in spring/Summer ‘17.

Over an argument with my ex, he got me baker-acted. I didn’t know Erik was my TF yet. I remember how cool it would be to talk to him while in there. Two years later, this year, while in the hospital I learned I really could talk to him without my pendulum. It’s kind of cute I made a pendulum board “On The Go!” LMAO by drawing one and taking a picture of it so that in the case I can’t concentrate, I can whip out my penny and dangle that shit above my phone. Just for some clarification. I don’t do it all the time. It’s just sometimes I’m not too confident with discernment without my board and I’m not allowed back in the shelter dorms until 4pm *rolls eyes*. 

Okay, we are getting side-tracked!

Learning a skill.

At first, I was watching a lot of paranormal shit and depressed finally tough enough to look for proof as to why I was having this “thing” following me. No matter how comforting it was, it did cause somethings to happen around no matter where I lived and of course only me and maaaaaaybe a few witnessed it. Annoying. I collected pendulums from Ebay and wore them just for shits and giggles. Mostly shits. Ew that’s gross. Anyway so I watched some paranormal shit and remembered,

Hey, I still have my pendulums and a pile of crystals hanging around the “alter” in the headboard behind the mattress!...And a chain!

Reminds me of that Fleetwood Mac song. Kind of accurate. After firing up some sage in my condo --Really! The damn thing nearly caught fire and I’m sure with winds open I was some kind of witch which at the time didn’t necessarily believe in. Pagans and Wiccans were bullshit to me. Even to some level psychics too! How ironic that NOW I happen to be one of those nut-jobs. Go figure. I did my opening and closing rituals to make sure “the door” was closed. I ALWAYS held the intention to be speaking with Erik and much later my grandmother and God would be an important role.

We continued as above pretty much for a while. Using my pendulum was easier, I was able to predict the next letter, then the next word. We really played tug-o-war. I tried to pull the penny to a different letter and he would move it to spell, “Stop doing that!”. LMFAO it was HILARIOUS!!!!! But that’s how I really knew for sure for sure this was for real for real!

Learning about “home”.

It was eye-opening because I remembered the dream I had years ago about returning home. Erik bombarded me with the task about doing what I came to earth to do. Something about his role as well. It didn't know Erik at the time but intuitively I knew that I knew him. There was a familiar-ness . The same I got from in him; the beach and pool parties. In the realms are pools. What I call pools of mana. In video games especially in MMOs there is Mana used to boost up your Magic (sometimes spirit or intellect) Points or MP. 

Out of the blue he called me by a different name, “Vanessa”. Then I remembered asking him what my spirit name was a while back. He had told me “nessa”. To me it sounded like Nestle Tollhouse or some shit like I wasn’t really ready for. Well I was kind of shocked because I told him to call her butt-uh (inside joke) so I put both together and asked about her or my role is back home. Turns out I’m part of some counseling group from the realm of Love. OOOOOoooOOoooooo! Oh my my my! lmao So any way I had not only my past lives to pound out, but also I needed to find out more about the realms and my role as what I call a “Galactic Guardian” or Starseed (see tag below)

Anyway, So we continued the healing process starting with our past lives. We had three of them and we literally looked at all three and healed them. It’s like going to the therapist and laying down and shit. Only because I actually go in to hypnotic state and see these events happening. We pick apart all of the difficult situations in each relationship as bother and sister, husband and wife, and gay lovers. *In Kevin Hart voice* Bing bang boom. Very intense all together. Very much like therapy. Erik goes all sort of sarcastically, 

“...And how does that make you feel?” 

With a notepad in one hand and a pen in another!  He always finds a way to crack me up. He’s my own personal comic relief. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes he just goes to far. Well so do I. Guess it’s some sort of “karma” everyone talks about. *rolls eyes* Whatever.

2018 is all kind of a blurr and I met “God”

Things really didn’t kickoff until summer/fall. Now, I was at a point I wasn’t using my note pad anymore to keep track of our conversations. They were sort of stored in this crazy blob in my unsightly skull. We were still covering our past lives and when it ended, it was time to meet “God”. It really happened when I wanted to know that oracle cards Doreen Virtue had to add to my collection. I only found out she turned away from this kind of spiritual stuff toward (for lack of a better term in my ignorance) being a “Jesus Freak” and there’s absolutely nothing with it. Being that I looked up to her, it brought me back down to earth. In-spite of the safely precautions and measures before each session, was I consorting with demons? I’m I wrong? Is Erik a Demon? I started to feel my chest tighten and it was getting harder to breathe. I felt like I was going to have a heat attack and immediately closed the Chrome window starting at me dead in the face. 

I’ve met Angels Raphael and Micheal..Oh and my Guardian Angel, Josana. Both Archangels are just described. Micheal (means God-like) is a lot like but God “LITE”. A watered down level of God (Sorry Mike)! Raphael is like a physician you see for your check ups. He gives me dietary advice and encourages me to keep my health. Literally while having a panic attack, he measured my heart-rate and assured me that there was nothing wrong. It’s like Raph gives me the veggies and Mike leans over behind me making sure I eat everything on my plate. They are no different than getting their help or advice through angel oracle cards made by Doreen Virtue. It’s funny because i can recall a oracle card that almost matches what they really say to me. Creepy right?

“Yes this is your heavenly father, Jehova.”

OK. Everyone has a name for “God” because of my religious background growing up as a Jehova’s Whitness. Everyone has their own idea or name for “source”. Meeting God wasn’t on the top of my list because I was afraid. I had not been a “good christian” and I’ve fell off the path long ago. In my selfish mind I thought if there was a God I wouldn’t suffer the way I have my whole life. I’ve been through what everyone goes through. But in my mind, my life was enough to make some people want to die. Erik found how much I suffered realizing how the way he left was trivial. If it had to be between us to be put out of their misery, it should have been ME! But I couldn’t no matter how much pain I was in, I couldn't do it. I was afraid of going to Hell. Even though I didn’t really believe in God I always thought with my luck, God or not, my ass is going to burn forever in fire and brimstone. Then out of curiosity i wanted to know demons too. If Angels and benevolents exist there must be demons. Well I did meet them. If you remember, I’ve met these assholes and sent them away. Now that I know the difference I feel free-er and well educated.

God was right there IN MY FUCKING CONDO...

Immediately I was scared as shit like that moment you know you’ve done something back and you are hiding in the closet, except I was basically frozen on my futon. It felt like that. God is very much like Fem and Masc energy together so obviously this means he doesn’t have a Twin Flame. So he can be that honest-god (Hahahah) honest father that tell you like it is without sugar-coating it. I mean he literally in my hissy-fit over something stupid, he said I was, “Acting like a child and it’s time I have patience or I can forget about the things he’s got in store for me.” By the way he really did come through! There were moments I asked for things and they happened! A new bag, art supplies, new pillow, a hat. Some I got EXACTLY how I wanted them! I’ll never forget it. Law of Attraction IS REAL and it’s like God gives it to you like Oprah gives out prizes! 

God forgave me of course and basically I have a good heart. It’s apparent to him how honest I was. He assured me everything leading up to then was genuine. He encouraged me to re-read the bible as much as I can. I’ve got a children's version of it over and over. The book of Enoch, Ester --both not in the bible, and Job are my faves. For some reason that version is the best way I can understand especially with the pictures. I hate when Christians tell he how I need to read the bible. Like leave me alone. At least I’m reading or listening to it. Seriously sometimes I can’t have conversations without someone taking out their bible and tell me how to read it. When I say I really can’t just sit there all day trying to read AND interpret it, I’m doing so the best way I can. It means I can’t do it. I do it in my own way and that’s all that matters to God. I understand what I understand and HOW I understand it. Like the documentaries about the bible and it’s archaeological proof that events really happened. The great food is a big one. That was the one documentary that got me thinking twice about being an Atheist. Now, I consider myself a Gnostic Theist considering everything I have learned about The Realms (not exactly spirit realms) and where I and SOME of my friends are from. Otherwise I’d have to be Gnostic.

As my pendulum swung, so did my head. 

In every other word I was able to “hear” them. He would let me know by going “ding!”. It was alarming (no pun intended) to figure out all of a sudden I knew what he was say as every other word kind of appeared in my head. I remembered this was part of my own ascension. We had merged and everything was happening so fast. So by the end of ‘18 I was literally beginning to hear him just by listening to the frequency of 110hz playing in my speakers. Then I started to hear him when there ever was a steady beat like in footsteps, the sound of rain, when I was washing a plate, every sylable was like:

It’s--Oh--Kay--I--M--Not--Go--ing--to--hur--t--you!

I was talking to myself and I heard him! I freaked out. As in I really thought I was going insane. It didn’t want it. I kept saying to him that I wasn’t ready! I got over my fear and before you know it, I’m having conversations with him while watching a Netflix and YouTube! It was like I had him in my headset. We had the kind of long-distance relationship I seeked before he died. Once, I forgot he was dead. When it sunk in again, It had me by the ovaries and I dare say I fell apart because I wished he was alive. By ‘19 without my pendulum I can hear him in my right ear. When he’s yelling, the sound carries over to my left side. It really feels like someone is screaming in your ear in a concert hall. You can imagine the kind of psycho-happy he was when I could finally hear him! We even sing together!

But then I couldn’t get him to STFU! At first it was creepy, then cool, then I’m being tested on my ability to shut him off! Since we merged and God married us, everything was so fast it was hard to keep up. So overwhelmed, God and my Granny would visit to encourage me to move forward and that I’m not doing anything wrong. Through the hard times happening between Vince and I they stood by me always. Erik and I communicate as though time wasn’t even a thing. We are two-peas-in-a-pod! He’s my Twin Flame, Spirit Guide, best friend and my “spirit spouse”. 

Erik said that in my ascension the last step is being able to see him.

 I long since said I didn’t want to. It was hard and painful (That’s what she said!) to know he’s dead. Well he forced me to by sending in dude that kind of resembled him up until we got to Dean Winchester. I was like:

“Ummmm, errrrrr, no, sorry but no way man. You have to be joking. You are a far cry from him. I just don’t see it!”

So of course he wouldn’t shut up because of course he was going to annoy me AGAIN by embarrassing myself around dudes. Oh god I’ll never really forget the first time I nearly died. I wasn’t ready. I looked like I had just crawled out of bed! Why of why hadn’t I been given notice. My third-eye would pop-off when he was getting my attention. Sure enough I look up and hide behind Vince gasping for air. Not quite a dopple-ganger but good enough to freak me out. He wanted me to make that correction as he’s kind of hovering over my shoulder as he always does.

Anyway *rolls eyes* So i watched a few to find, wow I guess he’s right especial the parts he loves his car, music like Metallica, ACDC, ect...Oh yeah and how he thinks he’s “adorable”. Well I don’t think he’s adorable....I’M ADORABLE, BITCH! There can only be MEEEEEE! But he makes a point there. Being we are Twin Flames that makes us both adorable. Sure, whatevs. I learned to gather up my ovaries and said, “fuck it”, I’ve seen and heard what he wanted me to and admitted yeah, sure, I give up, he wins. As always he gets what he wants. He’s totally salty I said that. No, he’s not a dick. He’s a pansy. He’s threatening to hit me with a wrench. Too bad he can’t do it for real but then again I can’t really bonk him on the head either. I get more satisfaction with physical contact...Oh god, ”That’s what she said!”. He’s a slick dick all talk and no action. 

I really feel like this hole experience makes a good story and a good lesson in  persistence, patience, and spiritual growth. It’s surprising to me that like on all “hobbies” I’m able to follow through on this journey as long as I have. The things that kept me doing this is the love and support from my friends here, Erik, Granny and God. Literally I asked for this and it’s like “Be careful of what you ask for” kind of thing except Twin Flames wasn’t in my vocabulary. The dreams and incidences that occurred leading me to him all were for a reason no matter how painful and torturous they were. I’ve never cried so much but I’ve never healed so much. This is like spiritual boot camp. My guides break my down to lift me up. I’m coming out of this process a stronger than before. I have to really thank my guides for all the things they put me through.

My own kind of ascension might be over now that I can see, hear, and even feel Erik. At least what he called our ascension process. It is to my understanding like our own individual spiritual journey, our own ascension process is different too. This is not a one size fits all gig. There is no right or wrong way. To bark around with, no this is this or that is that ( I’m guilty of it too...) is kind of silly if we are all individual and unique being on earth! It feel cool but as I’ve said before, just because this processed ended doesn’t mean our story or whatever we have is over. We both still have much to discover and share in our day to day life.

For those who have followed me through this,

Again, Thank you all!

[marleyfiction-blog]

Big Move: Part 3

AN: Hi everyone. So I’ve finally written another part for Big Move. I proofread for the most part. I am already writing the next part of this, so hopefully, the wait won’t be as long. Thank you for still fucking with this story. Uhh, this story is kinda just a filler. 

--- Enjoy, Marley

Words: 661

Warnings: a few curse words here and there. 

It was early morning and Parish was a nervous wreck. Today was the day. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. She had the job already, this was an opportunity for her to go in and see where and with who she would be working. Still, anxiety pumped thru her views. Did she deserve this opportunity? She thought to herself. 

*Ding Ding*

*message from Mom*

Parish smiled as she read the message from her mom. She was certain her mother was either an angel or a witch. She always knew something was going and exactly what to say to make it better.

*Ding Ding*

*message from Chidi*

Shit! Parish exclaimed out loud. She did not have time to be doing this. She gave herself a pep talk and she got her shit together. Today was going to happen whether she was ready or not!

---

The building was massive, the first floor was a combination of a few things. An art display, showcasing the arts of the local artists from New Orleans and Wakanda. There was a small gift shop and a small café, taking a closer look it was full of delicacies native to Wakanda. A tribal mask was on display across from the small café caught her attention. Parish was mesmerized by the beautiful mask of Wakanda. As she peered through the clear glass case she thought she saw Erik on the second-floor landing. 

Before she could get too caught up in her own thoughts, a soft yet captivating voice called her name. A tall, slender dark-skinned woman was standing behind her. She had hair as dark as obsidian cascading down her shoulders, was standing behind her. Parish, taken aback by her sheer beauty, it was effortless. Her presence alone made the air catch in Parish's throat. 

"Ms. Sergent, I'm Camila Randles. We have been communicating by email. I am excited to finally meet you. We are happy that you are now part of our growing family here at the Art Center."

"This is the assistant?!" Parish screamed  "WTF?! Who the fuck was her boss?!" At this moment Parish was confused, she thought this was going to be the woman over her. "Don't judge a book". 

Camila continued showing Parish around the art display on the first floor. They made their way towards the third floor. On the way, Parish was able to see the people of center. Being surrounded by these individuals was inspiring for her. The anxiety that had Parish on edge earlier had subsided. At this moment she was grateful to be here and experiencing this rare opportunity. 

----

Parish was over the consulting and design department. When the elevator opened unto the third floor they were welcomed with silence. Camila informed Parish that it was a new addition to the Center. It would be Parish's responsibility to build the department up over time. 

Wakanda wanted to do a lot. Parish laughed at the thought.

Camila stopped in front of a large glass door. Smiling and sweeping her arm in the same fashion as Vanna White. Parish gawked in confusion, "What's this?"  

Camila chuckled, a sound that was only audible because of the silence of the department. "Ms. Sergent this is your office. Please take a look. Anything can be changed or brought in to make it more comfortable for you." 

Parish walked into the office with Camila close behind. 

"On your desk, you'll find a few applications for your assistant. Please take your time and get acclimated to your new office. If you need anything just call." With those last words, she walked out of the office. 

Parish walked around her office. Stopping in front of the large window that overlooked the art district down below. Fitting.

She could hear shoes clicking across the tile coming towards her office.  Turning around she was meet with a pleasant surprise. 

"So I had seen you downstairs."

Tag List:

@leahnicole1219  @chaneajoyyy

[wonderstruck]

Hello pals here is the story of how I met the love of my life Colleen Ballinger aka Miranda Sings~

Alright so I’ll save everyone a sappy back story and just say I have loved Colleen for a very long time. I found her channel when I was going through one of the roughest times of my life, and she made me so happy when I didn’t think happiness could even exist in my life. I have always dreamed of meeting her but I didn’t think it would ever actually happen.

BUT GUESS WHAT BINCHES. IT DID HAPPEN.

So I found out Colleen was going on tour (which I would later find out would be her last tour for a long time) and I begged literally everyone I knew to take me lmao so finally to get me to shut up my sister and brother-in-law said they would take me as a birthday present. This was all happening at the same time my angel of a dog, Nahla, was sick. The day I bought my tickets to the show also turned out to be the day Nahla was given a cancer diagnosis and we were told we wouldn’t have much time left with her. Nahla died about a week later and that experience absolutely broke my heart to bits, but knowing I was going to have the opportunity to meet Colleen really helped with the healing process and made me feel like there was something to look forward to during a time when I felt really hopeless. I doubt she’ll ever know it, but I am so grateful to Colleen for that.

Flash forward to the day of the show (July 29) and I literally woke up crying because I was so excited like wtf I was about to travel two hours to meet my best friend who didn’t even know I existed but boy WAS SHE ABOUT TO. We got to the venue way early and had to wait outside then we went through security once the doors opened and a guy with a clipboard asked for my name and I legit felt like some B-list celeb whose name is on a list of people to allow into some A-list celeb’s birthday party. But then the dude couldn’t find my name and I felt like I was gonna throw up but then he was like “lmao there you are I just don’t know alphabetical order!!” like thanks for the heart attack dude?? Then we got these VIP lanyards that I wore around my neck all night because I wanted people to know I met Colleen because I’m a mean binch.

So we go into the theater and first there’s a Q&A with Colleen which was super fun but we didn’t get to sit in our actual seats for that so I was in the back and one of the last people to meet her. It was super chill though because by the time it was my turn I had more time to talk to her but ANYWAY I was standing in line to meet her and legit could not keep my chill and my sister was threatening me and screaming at me to not cry and then IT WAS MY TURN TO MEET HER

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD OMG I’M GONNA CRY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

So the guy who helps Colleen was like “okay it’s your turn” so I like prance over to her and I was like “OMG YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL” like it just came out I don’t think I even thought about it I was just overcome with emotion for this beautiful woman and GET THIS okay I’m crying while typing this because she looked me up and down and motioned to me with her hands and was like “OH MY GOSH YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL” and y’all I s2g I died like I dunno how I’m typing this right now because I’m actually dead like for her to say that meant so much to me because I have struggled with self hatred since I was a kid and I’ve always seen myself as ugly but the light of my life thinks I’m BEAUTIFUL!!!! Anyway we took our first picture where my hand was just being awkward af lol and then we were about to take another and I was like “CAN WE MAKE A HAND HEART” and she said “YES OF COURSE” so like the tips of my fingers touched her fingers no big deal!!!!

And after we took our pics I turned to her and said “I wore my daisy dress because of your cat Daisy!!” and she put her hand on her heart and was like “omg I miss her so much” then she took some individual pics with my sister and then it was time for our group pics!! So I got back in and I said “can we put our hands on your belly” (cause ya know she’s pregnant af and looks amazing) and she said “OMG YES I WOULD LOVE THAT” so I got to rest my hand on her lil tiny baby bump!!!! My queen and her little fetus prince!!! (That’s creepy I’m done with that) Anyway when I took my hand off her tummy she NOTICED MY RING THAT MY MOM GAVE TO ME and she was like “omg you have a pink ring too!!” and she held her hand out beside mine and showed me her pink ring!! Then some more words were said that tbh I don’t remember lmao and she said “thank you so much for coming!!” and I said “thank YOU so much!!!” and then I walked away even though I wanted to drop to the ground and wrap myself around her legs like a toddler and never let go.

So then I met her fiance Erik and got a picture with him and he was the NICEST like he thanked me for coming and said he was glad to see me there wtf!!!! Someone was GLAD to see ME??? SOUNDS FAKE. And then I left the theater and called my mom and lost any ounce of dignity I ever had because as soon as my mom answered I started sobbing in front of everyone and was like “I JUST MET COLLEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I cried in the middle of the venue lobby for a good ten minutes before stuffing my face with chocolate chip cookies.

Anyway then I watched the Miranda show and it was absolutely fantastic and I loved every minute. Basically it was one of the best days of my entire life like this day and the day I met Taylor Swift are tied for the number one spot of my favorite day ever. Colleen was so kind and amazing and I will never forget how happy she made me feel. I love her so much and this is really long so I’m gonna shut up now bye.

[thenixkat]

Animorphs notes: Alternamorphs 2

Alternamorphs 2

Intro by Rachel

In the same vein as the intro to the last one, but given nothing came of it b4 I’m not getting my hopes up

Wow you are an asshole from the first few lines

You have a mom and dad

Are you David? Great, we’re playing the fuckboi

The morphing cube was inside a cinderblock

Why does Ax call it the blue box, it has a proper name

Visser 3 threatens to murder your dad

Why is V isser 3 calling it a blue box, he knows what its fucking called

Also just fucking fullscale fight in the house

Choice give the box to the aggressive aliens

Your family is taken by the yeerks

There’s a warehouse entrance to the yeerk pool

You get made into a controller

Choice 2 keep the box

You get badly concussed by Rachel as she kidnaps you

You wake up on the floor of Cassie’s barn and the Animorphs fill you in

Marco is a dick

You think Ax is disturbingly pretty as a human

They give you the choice to join them but the book doesnt let me see what happens if I refuse them and the morphing power

I wonder if they’ll ever properly explain how the morphing power works b/c ‘its dna is in your blood’ is bullshit

You get a roan horse morph

And none of these jackasses warned about the clothing thing

Cassie dont even fucking start

Animorphs debate recruiting more members

The ellimist shows up

The ellimist is an asshole to you b/c you unknowingly altered the timeline

The ellimist forces you/David to take a test of your ‘worth’. If you do well he’ll save your parents and if you don’t you’ll die

Coice a

You are trust directly to the iskoort homeworld b/c god hates you

Ax prevents you from falling off a platform

The Animorphs are confused to be here again

Ellimidst removies everyone elses memories of the event

...did the iskoort thing happen after the David thing?

Choice andalite, shark, komodo dragon

You pay a loyt of attention on Jake and Ax

Choice andalite battle morph

You notice that the andalite is really fucking muscular

The andalite mind is cocky af, and wants to use its tail to fight

Your killed by the hollwer’s howl. Andalite was the wrong choice even tho Ax… isn’t killed

Choice komodo dragon

Komodo dragons are green? Godzilla is green? The fuck?

You/David does really well controlling your send ever morph, and a predator morph at that

Komodo dragons are immune to the howller’s howl, maybe true for other nonavian reptiles?

You poison the howller but get shot and are apparently unable to morph out

Choice fly, hawk, hork-bajir

You have no fucking clue what to do b/c you’ve only morphed once and you’ve never been in a fight so you panic and morph hawk

You don’t get the chance to fight when Jake orders a fly retreat

Very blunt exposition from Erik, You are curious and ask questions

Somehow the howlers have made insecticides for earth flies

Choice hork-bajir

You feel secure in a strong hork-bajir body

Your blades don’t sink into the iskoort buildings and you fall to your death

Choice hawk

You have a red tailed hawk morph

You get shot through the wing but not bad enough to bring you down

Marco looses a whole wing and goes down, Jake follows to help and you are the first to dive to try and help them even as you hit a tree

Cassie checks on you to make sure your ok

Cassie gets injured and you and Rachel attack the howler that did it, her body is carried off by an iskoort, that’s really the rest hiding inside of a hologram

Cassie’s fuckin dead and Rachel is not ok with that

Jake’s gone, Tobias is gonna go look for him and insists that Rachel stay with the rest

Rachel blames you for getting Cassie killed and wants you to promise to stay out of the way of the group

Choice refuse to stay out of the way

Ax tricks you into morphing fly, making you think that there is an emergency

You find out that you’re trapped in a bottle and can’t escape

The animorphs excluding Jake, Tobias and Cassie decide to fucking murder you b/c someone died in battle and Rachel decided to blame the new person and you wouldn’t promise to stay out of a fight where your life was on the line too

Fucking dicks

Choice stay out of the way

You feel guilty about Cassie’s death and wish you never picked up the box

While Rachel, Ax, and Marco are whispering shit in a corner

WTF they force you to stay out of shit and then forcibly bring you along into battle in Rachel’s ear, still put your live very much in fucking danger

Fucking dicks

...you still stick to keeping your promise even though these asshats are keeping you in danger

Suddenly you’re in a limousine with the rest of the animorphs sans Cassie

The ellimist fucking welches on the deal b/c one of his pawns ended up dying in the fight he threw yall into

You choose to save Cassie’s life b/c you don’t want to hurt either of your parents

Fuck the ellimist

Choice B

You find yourself and the rest in a forest

And are soon chased by a roaring, monster movie dino-monster

You cry when you’r terrified

This dino-monster is clearly much much bigger than a T, rex and an adult T. rex wouldn’t be interested in eating a human much anyway

Choice wolf

You’re acvtually manage to morph and run at the same time

… the dino-monster, who was slow enough to just barely keep up with a human manages to outpace a wolf.

Which is complete bullshit

Choice roach

You hide behind a tree to start the morph, not having enough time you dive under the dino-monster

The writer has no fucking idea how big a T. rex is, but this is clearly not a T.rex even if they keep calling it that

This is all bullshit

You would rather not be alone in a strange environment and demorph to go find the others

...the other’s didn’t even try to go look for you

You get tired and fall asleep

Waking with the rest you hear the sounds of a stampede

Choice roach

Tyrannosaurs like T. rex were hunting things like ceratopsians, ankylosaurs, and hadrosaurs. Not… titanosaurs?

You get stepped on while morphing

Choice run as human

Huh, you run slower than Jake but faster than the rest. Ax doesn’t count since ya know quadruped

You are somehow swallowed whole by the dino-monster. As a human.

This is bullshit

...you morph roach and … climb up the monster’s throat and out its mouth…

This is so much bullshit

It swallowed Jake too and he aquired it and morphed it… so why can Jake morph with enough force to destry the monster’s guts but you couldn’t morph hard enough to break a cup?

Choice ignore the weird alien shit

Yall continue walking around aimlessly and get tired

You complain about things untill you notice that everyone is tired

… attacked by Jurassic Park raptor-monsters

You figure out the lone one is a distraction while the others circle around

Choice investigate the fucking city

The instant you step into the valley with the city your transported to a movie theatre

You watch a video on human history

You pass the ellimist’s test and he gives you back your parents and now you don’t have to go find the blue box unless you really want to.

...interesting

[langernameohnebedeutung]

So I just watched Black Panther. Not spoiler-free.

1) The visuals!! You know how most Earth-based Marvel-movies got such boring visuals? Not this one! It blew my mind.

2) Also good music!

3) 3D really pays off for this movie. I’m not a 3D snob, but DAMN!

Okay now plot-things:

4) I don’t think I need to say it because basically everyone says but Shuri is a true Wakandan national treasure. Tony Stark who?

5) Erik! He did almost nothing wrong. (Except threaten Shuri. Also kill his girlfriend. Dude. She was with you, man!)

6) T’Challa’s conflicted emotions and growth about Erik! The first time T’Challa met his father on the ancestoral plane he adored him and didn’t know how to live without him - the second time after he learnt the truth he actually critises him and yells at him for abandoning Erik. T’Challa calling Erik cousin. T’Challa taking Erik to see the sunset his father promised him. I think the way T’Challa regards Erik boils down to when he calls him a Monster, but a Monster of their own making. He knows where his father went wrong. And it actually develops further when he calls him cousin.

7) Erik just walking in like: “I want your throne!” and everyone laughs but two scenes later he’s sitting in it. Also the moment Shuri says that T’Challa can’t possibly lose and from that moment on I knew he would lose and damn I was so conflicted. But generally the movie did a good job of not being entirely predictable (which is often a problem with superhero movies lbh).

8) But in all seriousness Erik was screwed over so bad and I feel conflicted about it, because he died and wanted to die in the end - rather than live a prisoner - but I also want to see him grow and connect to Wakanda and what family he has in a healthy way - or go out there and help people and do all the nasty shit T’Challa couldn’t bring himself to do. Just let him be happy and also let him and T’Challa connect as cousins. I guess it’s Marvel and I guess they’ll find a way to bring him back but I hope they’ll do it in a good way that actually helps his character. And considering the way he died and his last words I think bringing him back in a way that actually gets the character somewhere would be a pretty hard thing to do. If they do it, I wouldn’t mind if they waited until they have a got storyline. Don’t Magneto him to death. (By which I mean: Don’t routinely give him two seconds of character development just destroy it by making him the villain of every future movie. Not meant as disrespect to my favourite Magnet)

9) “Another broken white boy to fix.” Shuri I love you.

10) Okay but I’m a huge fan of Mountain Guy (I mean I forgot his name but otherwise I’m a huge fan. “We’re vegetarians.” Amazing.)

11) This movie actually sorta kinda made me like Ross. Rost? Martin Freeman. He didn’t suck. Good job Ron.

12) I love the way they commented on the refugee crisis. Generally I loved the way they dealt with political topics and the way they worked it into the world-building for Wakanda didn’t seem artificial or preachy and it actually fit the characters and made sense. Also I liked that it came after Thor: Ragnarök, the story of a giant imperialistic state falling under the weight of its past after it controlled all those realms under the guise of helping them and now we got Black Panther about a country that took the opposite way and kept to itself even if it could help. It’s really a great contrast ending with really different dilemmas and I hope Thor and T’Challa meet in Infinity War and have a conversation. 

13) I usually love quirky villains but somehow I found Klaue a bit annoying and I was glad when Erik killed him, because I feel like he would have taken away some of the drama if he had brouhgt him to Wakanda alive. Good job Erik. Although his singing career was inspiring if short-lived. I guess his record sales are soaring now. By which I mean maybe his Mum bought one to burn it.

14) I love that Erik’s ancestoral plane was his apartment from when he was a kid. That scene was heart-breaking.

15) We were all joking about what Bucky would say when he sees Steve’s new look but what will Steve say now that Bucky looks like Jesus?

16) Also listen Shuri I love you, you know I do, but “There is so much you have to learn” is probably the last thing the ex-Winter Soldier wants to hear upon waking up

17) I loved the technology and architecture of Wakanda? I mean, the architecture and fashion and everything got so many elements from various African cultures but at the same time the technology is in so many ways so fundamentally different from the technology in the other movies that it seems really credible that it was developed independently. I loved those sand holograms

18) Nakia was great and I loved her since her first apperance. Also they didn’t really force the relationship between her and T’Challa onto the audience and we know that they actually have a history together and he specifically wanted to have her there for his coronation so it’s not one of these random: “Superhero meets girl, they fall in love” or “Nerd liked girl out of his league, becomes super hero and saves her and she SEES him” stories. Nah, they’re adults and they got a romantic connection and it’s complex. Although I would have loved to know more about their past.

19) Okoye is badass. But I also like how her storyline focussed on the question of serving your king vs serving your country and where the line is between the two of them.

20) Okay one thing that bothered me was - and it’s predictable as always - that Erik could have had more screen-time. He was barely in the first part of the movie and yeah we learn about his growing up and his struggle and I think the things he did to get where he does in the movie and the way he sees the world speak for themselves and it’s clearly that he’s not only doing what he does for himself, but I would still have enjoyed a bigger focus on him, because I already saw people complain that he’s another boring one off Marvel-villain when wtf? WHERE? Also I would have loved to learn more about his mother and what happened to her.

21) Personally except for Klaue that movie doesn’t really have forgetable villains. Most of them aren’t really villains - as in Bad Guys(TM) at all. W’Kabi is really interesting and has a personal relationship with T’Challa and his motivation is a personal problem that reflects the bigger theme of the movie and M’Baku (I looked up his name) is also not really a villain, but an interesting character and I think he’s great as a contrast to Erik in regard as to how they treat Wakandan tradition when it comes  to archieving their ends.

22) Generally everyone could have gotten more screen-time but in the movie is called Black Panther and it’s T’Challa’s movie (although T’Challa could also have gotten more screen-time). I remember reading that the original versions was like 4 hours or something where is my Director’s cut?

23) It was epic and I want to go again.

[coerulus]

Mun ABCs

a .  age :  21 b .  birthplace : south pasadena, CA upstairs from where I am now  c .  current  time : 8:13 pm  d .  drink  you  had  last : water   e .  easiest  person(s)  to  talk  to :  my friends paige and ven tbh I’ve known them forever  f .  favorite  song(s) : these ones are good  h .  horror  yes  or  horror  no : yes though i hate jumpscares  i .  in  love ? : i wish  j .  jealous  of  people : of attractive people maybe  k .  killed  someone : no wtf l .  love  at  first  sight  or  should  i  walk  by  again ? : u are a meme u are a literal meme  m .  middle  name :  nicole  n .  number  of  siblings :  1.5  o .  one  wish : not being depressed anymore would be nice ?  q .  question  you’re  always  asked :  r .  reason(s)  to  smile :  girls... pretty  s .  song  you  sang  last :  probably the dornishman’s wife gkgd t .  top  3  fictional  characters : brienne, satsuki from kill la kill, erik (the phantom of the opera)  u .  underwear  &  color : it’s just underwear and it’s a really pale blue-green ?   v .  vacation :  thailand and france and everywhere with good scuba diving and everywhere in general  w .  when’s  your  birthday :  september 25th  x .  x - rays :  i got a lot of those when i broke my arm, and more that time about a year later when i broke my other arm  y .  your  favorite  food :  chicken rice sushi takoyaki noodles shrimp curry  z .  zodiac  sign :  libra 

tagged by : @lord-renly tagging : if you’re gay you’ve been tagged 

[pangeasplits]

I have read your works! And I love 'The Stars Incline us, they don't bind us' so muuuuuch. If this is not too much to ask, can you make cherik fic rec? Thank you! Keep writing, awesome!

thank you very much, i’m glad you enjoyed my stuff! :3 

since this blog is exactly 5 years old today, what better occasion is there to do cherik fic rec post, as lurking around cherik fic rec tumblr posts waaay back in the day is actually what originally brought me to tumblr in the first place. the following list is in no particular order, and odds are i like multiple fics by the authors included but i was determined to limit myself to one from each (though in some cases, this was a veeeery close call, haha).

anyway, the actual title of this list is coincidentally the main criteria i used in the interest of not having it stretch on for miles, which is to say:

Cherik Fics Pan Has Reread An Embarrassing Amount Of Times Throughout Her XMFC Fandom Tenure:

Hier steh ich an den Marken meiner Tage by MonstrousRegiment

Erik Lehnsherr is a spy in the SS, and his British liaison is strategist Charles Xavier. Their relationship from the moment they meet to a year after the end of the war.

“You’re the only person in the world who knows what I am.”

Boden’s Mate by kaydeefalls

“Shaw has information that we need, and we need him alive to extract it,” Moira says, and there it is: the job is on the table. Extraction.

XMFC/Inception fusion AU. Erik is an extractor, Alex is his point man. They’re assembling a team to go after the most dangerous mind in dreamsharing: Sebastian Shaw. But unless Alex and the team can keep him in check, Erik’s desire for vengeance might just rip the whole job apart around them – and then there’s the shade that haunts his dreams…

Malastare Racer by ikeracity

Ignoring strict instructions from Master Emma to stay hidden, Charles and Erik decide to enter themselves into the Gorian Podracing Classic. Because they’re idiots like that.

Star Wars AU!

The Secret of the Knights Templar by madneto

Erik is a CIA agent who has been tracking down black market dealer and occultist Sebastian Shaw for the past ten years with no real end in sight. When he stumbles upon an unexpected lead that will put him one step ahead of Shaw at last, archaeology professor and Templar enthusiast Charles Xavier becomes unwittingly entangled in the fray, and Erik suddenly finds himself with a brand new partner who is the only one who can truly help him on what’s become a quest to find the Holy Grail. But Charles is even more than Erik bargained for, especially after they’re forced to pretend to be a married couple as a cover while racing to find the Grail before Shaw does, and both Erik and Charles find they’ve possibly bitten off more than they can chew.

Powered AU vaguely inspired by Indiana Jones and James Bond movies.

Their Mouths Always Lie by keire_ke

Charles adheres to most police protocols like they are a personal code of conduct. Erik gets things done and over with, for better or worse. Raven knows what she’s doing, most of the time. The serial killer kills, regardless. Police AU.

Try, Try Again by and_backagain

Except that this has happened before, he thinks with a start, and something in his throat closes up as he revolves on the spot, already knowing what he’s going to see. Charles’ back is arching as he falls, his eyes wide, and the crumpled bullet falls to the sand beside him like a calling card. X-Men: First Class Groundhog Day!AU.

The Courtship by dvs

A story about a courtship that began five hundred years ago.

Beloved of ravens by khaleesian

978 A.D. Charles never uses his power, Erik never hesitates. Can a man be both the void and what fills it?

Limited Release by rageprufrock

When Alex Summers broke out of supermax to rescue his stupid kid brother, he had no idea it was going to be so fucking complicated.

A Curious Carriage of Crystal and Cold by Etharei

Charles, a miner from a poor village in the countryside, saves the life of Erik Lehnsherr, scion of a successful business family and the richest man on the planet Eisen. Charles is a telepath and somewhat anxious about it, while Erik abstains from relationships because the lights flicker and doors open and electronics vibrate when he gets too excited.

Also featuring a long-suffering sister, a foul-mouthed bodyguard, and a best friend with a heart that is definitely not gold.

In which there are princes, spaceships, long journeys, and old secrets uncovered. (An AU sci-fi fairytale)

The Tower and the Hurricane by dreamlittleyo

(Post-XMFC AU.) Five years after Shaw’s death, Erik’s predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn’t really matter who’s more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn’t an option?

The Masked Man (Who Has Everything) by Traincat

The one where Erik is Batman, and Charles is kidnapped roughly once a week.

At the End of Day and Night All We Want is More by cm (mumblemutter)

It’s already too late. (Alien/Prometheus AU)

If You Liked The Book, You’ll Hate The Movie by paperclipbitch

Modern-Day High School AU. It’s not until Hank realises half the class are glancing towards the back of the classroom with something like nerves and something like schadenfreude that he finds out Alex Summers is back.

Pantheon by Yahtzee

In the year 96 AD, all Rome is aware that their gods have begun to Mark certain people with their gifts – the healing power of Apollo, the metal control of Vulcan, the deathly touch of Pluto, or the mental powers of Minerva. When those gifts fall to slaves or barbarians instead of the Romans themselves, strict control is necessary.

Then a gladiator from Judea meets an enslaved scribe from Britannia, and the repercussions will shake the Empire itself.

Swimming with Sharks by Not_You

Erik used to be a shark. Now he’s not, and has to figure out how to be a good human father to his twins. Charles is willing to help.

To Do List by Black_Betty

Somehow, Charles and Erik have become one of those couples who rarely see each other because of their busy schedules. They’re SO busy, they haven’t had sex in weeks. Erik has had enough, and forms a coordinated plan of attack. Charles is less than helpful.

On Hearts and the Finding of Lost Treasures (The Tombs and the Raiding Thereof Remix) by luninosity

The first time he met Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr was—reluctantly, angrily, and decidedly against his will—impressed. This may’ve had something to do with the fact that Charles had just given him a sunny smile and somersaulted a foot over his head.

Watching the Stars Slide Down by groovyphilia

Seventeen-year-old Charles Xavier is ridiculously wealthy, and is used to being paraded around for show at his mother’s high-society Christmas parties. He’s always been rather sporting about it, and dutifully rubs shoulders with the elite every year in the glitz of the mansion ballroom.

This year, he meets a man by the name of Erik Lehnsherr.

Utopia by Takmarierah [Note: WIP but I had to include this fic]

It’s been five years since the beach, and four years since Charles was captured by the Brotherhood. Since then, he’s been kept in a safe house while Erik finally achieved what Shaw failed to do.

Now that most of humanity has been eradicated, Erik’s summoned Charles back to his side, promising a cure and political influence in exchange for Charles’ help - but Charles knows it’s only a matter of time before he asks for more.

Neither Rhyme Nor Reason by unveiled

Charles liked to tell people that the first time they met, Serik punched a kitten. (Or, the one where Erik is an angry Vulcan, Charles is still a telepath, and grief still shapes their lives.)

Incy Wincy Spider by Tawabids

Erik Lehnsherr is a renowned homicide detective, with his husband Charles at home and his partner on the job, Moira MacTaggert. When a twisted serial killer starts targeting mutants, Erik and Moira are the perfect team for the job, especially since Erik himself is the mutant poster-boy of an NYPD trying to improve their image.

But what they don’t yet know is that the serial killer is an old soul out of Erik’s past, and his next move is to pull Charles into his web.

The Amazing Adventures of Cat-Man by so_shhy

Charles is the non-powered, butt-kicking, high-tech teen sidekick of a cheesy superhero. Erik is the sidekick of the corresponding cheesy supervillain, and makes Charles’s life even more complicated than it already is.

Spy Games by manic_intent

Burn Notice AU, with Erik Lehnsherr as the spy and Charles as the trigger-happy ex boyfriend. Erik is burned for unknown reasons in Mexico and wakes up in New York City. Somehow, he needs to raise $500,000, in order to find out -why-.

Aaaand a shameless plug, since you brought it up, and since to this day ike and i still look at this fic and ask each other “wtf how” (and also we reread each other’s bits and yell at each other):

The stars incline us, they do not bind us by ikeracity, Pangea

Intergalactic Federation pilot Lieutenant Charles Xavier is assigned last-minute to a high profile mission: transporting over two thousand prison inmates from an old and overfilled prison complex to a newer, higher-capacity prison stronghold located on the outer reaches of the galaxy. Just as he’s settling down for a long and uneventful ride, things take a turn for the worse after the inmates riot and stage a hostile takeover of the ship, leaving Charles to find himself at the complete mercy of cold-blooded killers and facing the chilling prospect that he might not ever make it back home alive.

[sugarmusicnews]

From Jive Talking and Eyeballing Facebook Group

It all began with a band called Zennith in Brakpan near Johannesburg in 1977. Dutch born Lucien Windrich began playing with school friends which included bassist Benjy Mudie, the future South African music custodian. The band changed its name to Void and the following year was joined by Lucien’s younger brother, Erik also born in Holland. Even though the band had won a battle of the bands in Joburg in 1978 they were battling to find paying gigs in South Africa. The band found the opening they needed in Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, on the live circuit. The guys spent 8 months there together with drummer Danny de Wet (Petit Cheval & Wonderboom) and bassist Terry Andalis. In 1979 the band recorded a cover of the Knack’s smash hit My Sharona but it was the B-Side Magicia that took off and reached number 4 on the country’s charts. Here is My Sharona, Void style…

Can’t seem to find a copy of Magicia. Lucien? Q. Hi Lucien, thanks so much for Jive Talking with us in South Africa. So, one could say that you had your first taste of success in Rhodesia. It is obvious that you had your African spin right from the start, even with Void, and your version of My Sharona has that tribal influence. Did you listen to tribal music and was this the main influence on your music? Who were you listening to at the time? A. In the late 70’s I was listening to rock bands like Grand Funk and Bad Company and prog rock bands like Wishbone Ash and Genesis and learning to play guitar like all the guitar players back then. The local South African influence came later in the early 80’s during our residency in East London when we started afresh as a three-piece.

I don’t think we had an obvious tribal influence back in the 70’s. We were just experimenting with various rock and pop idioms. As ‘Void’ we went from one extreme to the other. We composed and performed a 17 min prog rock epic called How Calm the Storm which people would sit and listen to quietly throughout. And then we put a middle-of-the-road song called Magicia on the B-side of My Sharona. It was an eclectic mix of stuff.

Going to Bulawayo in 1979 was the first professional residency gig for the four of us, me Erik, Danny and Terry. We told ourselves from the outset that we would only do residencies playing cover songs as long as we could write and perform our own stuff as well. So it was a real boost when people requested our own stuff. It gave us the confidence to continue writing. Those early residency gigs were an invaluable learning curve for us towards developing our own original style and sound.

We had our first success in Rhodesia with a cover version of My Sharona because the original wasn’t allowed to be played due to sanctions. It was fun watching everyone do ‘the pogo’ when we played the song in the club. There’s even a video of us doing the pogo in the Zimbabwean TV vaults somewhere. What we never expected was to be playing to young soldiers who had been in the bush for six weeks shooting and killing people, and then coming into the club to dispel their tensions. We quickly learnt to keep them entertained with our music and performances which helped to prevent outbreaks of violence suddenly erupting inside the club. And believe me, it did erupt. We threatened to stop playing if they didn’t stop fighting. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. One of the cover versions we did at the time was a song by Rush called Bastille Day which strained Erik’s voice so much he had to have an operation to remove the nodules on his vocal chords.

And what should have been a highlight for us was when Bob Marley came to play at Independence Day, April 1980. We were literally in the next town. We asked the manager Marjorie if we could have the night off and she said no. Can you believe it? Like good Catholic school boys we did as we were told. WTF! Void returned to South Africa and decided to change their identity after Terry Andalis, José “Aggi” de Aguiar and Danny de Wet departure in 1982. Lucien, Erik and third brother Karl, the band’s manager, changed their name to éVoid and it became a three piece with Georg Voros on drums who was replaced by Wayne Harker early in 1983. éVoid built up a large, loyal following which started in East London and then spread like a forest fire over the next 4 years. The band were creating a highly original and subtle fusion of Afro-rock (which they christened ethnotronics), which was different from the more traditional sounds of their contemporaries, Juluka and Hotline, or the rock-based Tribe After Tribe, Ella Mental, Via Afrika, Flash Harry and Neill Solomon’s Passengers. éVoid conveyed immediacy, simplicity and warmth of spirit of other Afro-rock bands with their newly painted faces, tribal dances and South African jive rhythms. Q. Your style, was it based on any one African culture like the Ndebele patterns and the Zulu bracelets and beeds or a combination of those and others. Who made your outfits and what did the African people think of it? Did they give you their blessing? A. The eVoid style was developed in East London when we were faced with becoming a three-piece. It was a deliberate attempt to create what Aggi called Soweto New Wave – a fusion of rock & mbanga grooves, jangly guitars, punchy keyboard riffs and a local South African influenced image. But vocally we were still mainly European sounding. We weren’t interested in being as indigenous as Johnny Clegg much as we respected him. We wanted to create our own punky afro-pop style. Plus we were into the nu-romantic image at the time.

My ex-wife Kay designed and made the clothes and Erik’s ex-wife Linda helped make them. They were called K-rags and we loved wearing them. It really helped define our local white South African image at the time. We commissioned a whole lot of African women to make the Ndebele beadwork merchandise for us. We gave them the eVoid logo and told them to incorporate it into the designs as they wish. Yes I admit it was a cultural appropriation but we never exploited anyone. Our feeling at the time was that we were promoting local music and images. And we were financially supporting groups of women who were happy to be given the business. Did they give us their blessing? Well, at no time did anyone of them refuse the work. As to what they actually thought of us, I don’t really know. We told them they were making merchandise for the band and they never objected. Success arrived when WEA (now Tusk) signed them to a recording contract. The band released their debut self titled album éVoid in August 1983 which yielded their first single Shadows. It was backed by the infectious Dun Kalusin Ta Va, which had become a hallmark of their sound. Shadows peaked at number three on the national charts in November and, to this day, remains a staple of South African rock and pop-oriented radio stations. Here is that classic single performed to adoring fans at Ellis Park in 1985.

Q. That was probably one of the greatest era’s in South African music and those concerts at Ellis Park were magical. Can you recall any special moments at the Concert in the Park? A. It was an emotional high for us. Three weeks after playing the biggest and most prestigious concert in Joburg we left for the UK. Towards the end of playing Shadows it dawned on me that it may be the last time we ever played in SA again. And what a gig to be ending it on. I have been known to be melodramatic.

It was magical stepping out on stage early in the evening and seeing a sea of faces stretching out and upwards towards the top of Ellis Park stadium. I will never forget that. Amazing! People often ask what it feels like, and to be honest once you’re actually playing all you can see are lots of tiny heads bobbing up and down. You’re really just performing to the front rows with whom you can have some kind of connection. And then when Erik starts waving his hands in the air from side to side, and you see 100’000 people responding, there’s nothing quite like it. It’s a huge high!

I can remember being backstage with Johnny Clegg on the day, along with some other musicians getting ready. We hadn’t met or spoken before and we exchanged pleasantries about how wonderful this gig was. He complimented us on Shadows which was a lovely thing to do. That whole day and everything leading up to it was a sign that we were at the top of our game. And we were about to leave that all behind.

The weird thing is we nearly didn’t even do the gig. We were offered the gig a few months earlier knowing it was for a worthwhile cause but we had already booked our flights to the UK so we turned it down. The organisers offered it to us a second time and by then the hype was building about how momentous the gig was going to be, featuring 25 of the top acts in South Africa at the time. So we agreed. Thank God we did. Imagine if we had turned it down? It would’ve been our ‘Dylan misses Woodstock’ moment. For us, I mean.

What we’re really proud of is the fact that the SA organisers conceived and actually pulled off this benefit gig for Operation Hunger six months before Bob Geldof launched Live Aid. Yesss! éVoid had found their niche and this time found them at the peak of their creative spirit. The follow-up single Taximan was released in February 1984 and it got to number 6 on the national charts..

Later that year, I Am a Fadget became the band’s third single. This version was performed live at At The Half Moon , Putney in 2015….

and here are the lyrics…. https://genius.com/Evoid-i-am-a-fadget-lyrics Q. So good to see you still playing this after all these years. I would assume that it is mostly old ex South Africans jumping around or are the true Brits also getting into that now? Would you like to comment on where the name Fadget came from as there have been a number of different theories and it is maybe time to set the record straight so to speak. A. Are there many theories about what a Fadget is, really? I’d love to hear them. Erik and I wrote the song in a rehearsal room one day, and when it got to looking for lyrics for a particular section I blurted out ‘I am a Fadget’ and we burst out laughing because it obviously sounded like ‘faggot’ which was a ridiculous choice and not what I had intended. You see, I liked this British artist called Fad Gadget, and whilst developing our pseudo African image, to be seen as fashion icons or ‘fad gadgets’ must have been at the back of my mind. So when I blurted it out as a possible lyric it came out as ‘fadget’. We weren’t seriously going to use it cause people might think we’re calling ourselves ‘faggots’ which as you well know is a derogatory term for gay men. But as so often happens when you try and replace it with something else, the song loses something. So we went with it in the end. Our colourful jive image now had a name.

When we arrived in London we played at the Springbok Bar for many years, first in Paddington then Shepherds Bush and finally in Covent Garden. And yes like you say mainly all ex-pats. eVOID then was just Erik and I with a drum machine and bass loops. Every now and then Colin, one of the ex-pats would organise a booze cruise on the river Thames and we would experience a few hours of absolute mayhem on board. We also played on the Queen Elizabeth cruise ship which was docked at Victoria Embankment. It was a lot of fun.

Did the Brits get into our music? Yes they did. We played at some smaller pubs and clubs and sold loads of CDs but without an international album and English management we couldn’t get onto bigger venues and tours. We did a gig at the Astoria in Tottenham Court Road, and a small tour of Germany in the late 80’s with Ilne Hofmeyr on bass and Richard Devey on drums. That was great. In fact I remember this German guy coming up to me afterwards saying ‘that guitar, is INXS, ja? He was referring to my Junk Jive riff of course. ‘No it’s not’ I replied. ‘It’s just some Aussie shits stealing our thunder!’ éVoid were performing with not for dedicated fans — “fadgets”, as they were known — dressed in almost equally outrageous and colourful ethno-gypsy garb, who queued for hundreds of metres to see them. We all used to go and see them at the Chelsea Hotel in Berea, near Hillbrow and the venue was always packed. I can recall going to one of éVoid’s gigs at the Chelsea only to be told the club was full and I had to go clubbing elsewhere… “Oooh La la Laa, I like it ” Q. Do you remember those Chelsea Hotel gigs? I only managed to go to a few but heard that you played there many times…. Like how many? A. Can’t remember how many gigs we did there but without a doubt the Chelsea Hotel years were legendary. It was 1983, the same year we recorded our first album, and fadgets were queuing round the block to come and see us. It was an extraordinary sight. We lived round the corner so we couldn’t even go to the shop to get some milk for fear of being caught without our fadget gear and make-up on. I remember our drummer Wayne being stoned a lot; Karl our brother/manager was running the door and it was where we wrote Shadows. We used to rehearse in the club during the daytime which was handy. I don’t know if you know the story about Shadows nearly not making it on the album. What happened was we had already decided with WEA Records which songs we were going to record and put on the album. And then we wrote this new song called Shadows and I remember saying to Benji we have to include this new song we’ve just written and he said no, the track listing had already been agreed, and that he couldn’t change it so late in the day. Erik and I pleaded with him and he eventually agreed. But that’s not the end of it. Whilst recording the song, the studio engineer told us the song would never make it. Well you were wrong, Richard. Every night we played at the Chelsea Hotel the dance floor would dip inwards and creak from the weight of people jumping up and down to Shadows. I thought the floor was going to break and we’d have a catastrophe on our hands. Which did happen when we were on tour at Stellenbosch University; the floor collapsed and a group of people tumbled and disappeared. And then people pushing from behind caused an even bigger pile-up. Crazy stuff. They eventually laid a couple of tables across the hole for people to dance on. Luckily it never happened at the Chelsea. Occasionally the Chelsea party would spill out onto the streets though. That was fun. I particularly liked the State of Lumo theme we designed for the stage. Nic Hauser helped design and build a lot of the sets, and he also designed the cover for the 12-inch version of ‘I am a Fadget’. What’s happened to Nic, I wonder? The band went on a gruelling 3-week national tour playing to packed venues on the Durban University Campus, Bloemfontein, Cape Town but they ran into problems before the start of their Eastern Cape leg of the tour. In Grahamstown military police arrested drummer Wayne Harker for being on AWOL since December 1982 from his 2 year national service. Original drummer Danny de Wet was hurriedly recruited to complete the tour. Harker was discharged in March 1984 and the band was back in business. In September 1984 their debut album was high in the national charts which was rare for a local band competing with the big international acts of the time. While this was happening their three-track 12″ maxi single Kwela Walk/I am a Fadget/Tellem and Gordon, was receiving rave reviews.

Q. This song and in fact a lot of your music had a definite crossover appeal. Is that what you were hoping for and did you play to many mixed-race crowds? Did you have many “black” fans and friends at the time? Kwela Walk was a great tune. Erik wrote it with crossover appeal in mind but we didn’t get to play to many mixed race audiences. We once did an outdoor township gig and were viewed with amusement. There were more people sniggering in the crowd than actually grooving to the music. Which pretty much says it all. We were a white nu-romantic pop band not an African groove machine, much as I would have liked to have had more of that in our music.

Having said that, I was exposed to mbaqanga music whilst working in an African record shop which came out later in my guitar playing. Junk Jive comes directly from my early attempt to create a hybrid mbaqanga punk sound. Taximan was another example of creating an interlocking groove. Baghiti Khumalo loved playing the bass on it. We bumped into him in London a few years later when he was gigging with Paul Simon and he said how much he enjoyed doing the track. He asked why we weren’t doing what Paul Simon was doing. That was our intention, I said, when we left SA. But It’s not as simple as that. In South Africa we were big fish in a small pond and in the UK it’s the exact opposite. Plus we’re white South Africans. During the three prominent years of our career from the end of 1982 to the beginning of 1985 we played to young white audiences. That’s who the management and record companies targeted, and that’s the demographic we attracted. Not many clubs were multiracial back then. I had more relationships with black people in the 70’s when I was working in an African record bar called ‘American Music’, and when I frequented black music clubs in downtown Jo’burg. In terms of lasting friendships back then, not many. We lived our whirlwind lifestyle in a bubble. That’s what it was like. The band usually attracted good press coverage though éVoid were on occasion labelled as androgynous misfits, pretentious white boys in beads, and shallow-minded slaves to fashion and rhythm. In 1984 the group won a prestigious Sarie Award for “best arrangement and production of an album”, and the single I Am a Fadget landed them the “best contemporary artist” award. On Saturday 12 January 1985, the band performed at the Concert In The Park in support of Operation Hunger to an estimated 100,000 people, along with Hotline, Via Afrika, Juluka, All Night Radio, Ella Mental, Steve Kekana, Harari, Mara Louw and The Rockets. This is Junk Jive live at the Concert in the Park…

Q. How did you get along with your contemporary bands at the time? A. That’s a good question. Um…at some point from 1982 onwards we were totally focussed on our music and on developing our sound and we rarely met up with any other bands. Although I have to admit that when a fire gutted our equipment in 1982, well before we had any success, many local bands did a benefit gig for us to raise money so we could replace our equipment. It was such a touching thing to do and we really appreciated it. But generally speaking we didn’t mix with other bands that much. In the early days as Void we did a gig at the Polo Club in Springs with our East Rand contemporaries The Radio Rats. That was a big deal at the time, and Ozzie went on to play for them years later. And I also developed a close bond with Wonderboom in 2006 which came about when Danny de Wet asked me to fly out and produce the City Of Gold album. That was a great experience. Not only did we produce an album together I even got to skydive with the boys. But during the eVOID heyday in the early 80’s we didn’t have much contact with other bands. I mean, I Ioved Ellamental and Via Afrika but we didn’t move in the same circles, so we never got to meet and chat much. We certainly didn’t hang out at clubs all night, that sort of thing. And neither did we do any drugs or heavy drinking at the time. I’m talking about Erik and I. Wayne was a law unto himself. But no, really. I smoked dope when I was younger but not during the eVOID years. And the same for Erik. We were the Nerdy Fadgets! Oh dear, maybe you shouldn’t print that. We were also both in serious relationships at the time which probably had something to do with it. In intervening years the Windrich brothers were going through a period of personal introspection: they had reached the pinnacle of their career in South Africa and perhaps it was time to head overseas. They were not happy with the production of their first album and Eric had received his call up from the SANDF. Wayne Harker quit éVoid to join the Cape Town band, Askari and in 1985 the brothers left for London where they set up an eight-track studio in their garage and performed as a four-piece with fellow South Africans, Ilne Hofmeyr on bass and Richard Devey on drums. For most of 1986 they worked on their second album: Here Comes the Rot from which WEA released the single Dance the Instinct/Sergeant Major. This is the demo for Dance the Instinct…

Q. So the original plan was that this was to be released as a single in South Africa but that never happened? Your decision or WEA? A. Dance the Instinct was definitely released as a single in SA. Actually I’m glad you put up the demo of Dance the Instinct in the link. I prefer that version. The band learned that their infectious Afro sounds did not appeal to British A&R executives and no new opportunities presented themselves. Meanwhile back in South Africa, WEA released . . . Here Comes the Rot in December 1986, to coincide with éVoid’s six-week nationwide tour of the country. This is Altar Pop which contained the line “Here Comes the Rot”

Q. That tour went very well didn’t it and you were playing to packed houses again. perhaps it may have been a better option to stay and plan a strategy to invade the USA instead? Were your albums released in the USA and if so how did they fare? No. There was no penetration into the US market. Sometime in 1983 Mutt Lange saw us playing at the Chelsea Hotel and he told Zomba Records about this young band he had seen in SA. Zomba records offered us a 9 year deal, the same deal that was offered to The Stone Roses who accepted it. Karl, our older brother/manager advised us not to go for the deal as it was tying us up for too long. Had we accepted the deal we would have become international artists for a few years before ending up in court, like The Stone Roses did fighting to get out of the contract. Do we have any regrets? It’s always nice to have your music heard and appreciated far and wide but it wasn’t to be. We will never know what might’ve happened. It’s a toss of the coin as to what the future holds … I wasn’t doing much astrology back then.

In the blurb leading up to this you mention that our ‘infectious Afro sounds did not appeal to British A&R executives’. It wasn’t so much the music as us being white South Africans and our bizarrely colourful image that they objected to. I’ll tell you a story. It was snowing in the UK in Feb 1985, and Erik and I went to our first and only appointment with Warner Brothers dressed like African warriors. We were excited but nervous. The young A&R man who met us, dressed as a Deutschpunk in black underground gear, took one look at us and said ‘you guys are like a canary amongst sparrows’. Erik I looked confused. ‘The sparrows’, he said ‘will kill the canary’. Charming. We weren’t off to a great start. ‘Aren’t all white South Africans murderers? he asked. We left soon afterwards. Without a UK record deal of course. In 1993, the group released a compilation called, éVoid – Over the Years, and made it available on cassette for limited distribution at the Springbok Bar in London. Q. Was this tape made up of songs from your first 2 albums or was this a live tape made in London? Any way to get one of these? A. The songs on the cassette tape are available on Spotify under a new title – London Kazet. Have a look. They’re not songs from any of our previous albums. In 2006 we re-recorded a few of them (Mix it Up, Language of Love and Ikologi) and put them on Graffiti Lounge. But the original versions still exist on London Kazet. I still have one or two of the original cassettes somewhere. Lucien and his wife and family live in East London while Erik, wife and family live in North West London. Erik has stated that since arriving in London in 1985 and trying to earn a living as respected musicians has never been easy, and éVoid’s arrival in London at the time of South Africa’s State of Emergency made people suspicious of them. The brothers did benefit from some lucky breaks and, over the next decade, played many clubs and festivals in the UK and Europe especially Germany. Q. I believe you are a qualified astrologer now Lucien and Eric is a Creative And Performance Manager at an English high school? Can you tell us about your work and the “lucky breaks” you have had in London since 1985? A. We’ve both been immersed in work and family life since we arrived in the UK. Erik has worked at that high school for many years developing projects and set designs. And I’ve been helping my wife, a midwife, run her health remedies business whilst doing my astrological research. Family life is important to us, in our own separate ways.

In the late 80’s Erik did quite a bit of film music and we worked together on a film called ‘On the Wire’. Erik had a solo venture called The Vision Thing and he recorded a solo album. I’ve played in two other bands since being in the UK, The Redemption Blues Band and a punky gypsy instrumental band called Victor Menace. Both are now defunct.

My ‘lucky break’ was meeting my gorgeous wife, Cath, on New Year’s Eve, 1992 at the Springbok bar in Paddington. I was on stage, she was in the crowd. I walked off stage to say hello and we hugged each like we had known each for years. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Erik’s ‘lucky breaks’ include meeting his wife Alix in 1991, performing in Paris as “The Vision Thing” and having a permanent job since 2004. Following the demise of Askari in Cape Town Wayne Harker was summoned to rejoin the band (with Ilne Hofmeyr) and record new material. He stayed with the band for for years in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s which included a 6 week German tour. Obtaining a work permit Harker met and married a German girl and settled in Cologne. He developed musically and apart from drums now plays bass guitar, and keyboards and in 2006 he finally released his debut solo album Culture Shock under the Sea Weed monicker and turning it into a live act.

https://www.discogs.com/Seaweed-Culture-Shock-/release/14663113 Q. Do you still hear from Wayne and is he still recording and performing in Cologne? A. No, we have no contact with Wayne. I messaged him on Facebook a few years ago and he never got back to me. But, speak of the devil because today (17 June) he commented for the first time on an eVOID post on Facebook. Someone put up a clip of Shadows at Concert in the Park and his comment was ‘oh ja…those brothers who dropped me like a piece of shit’. Wayne created his own problems in SA and we were forced to use other drummers. So yes we had to dump him. We briefly joined up again in England but then he met a German girl and went with her to Germany. As Erik explains ‘he never said eVOID was his ultimate goal – he just drifted away’. In 2008, after a long hiatus, the brothers Windrich and original drummer Georg Voros released another éVoid album, Graffiti Lounge. This is Under Blue skies with it’s message of hope..

Q. Your music on this album is more folkish if one can say that? Your new direction? I believe you and Erik lived a family life and then in 2014 you released your greatest hits album; éVoid – Classics. I know you did a small South African tour to promote that CD and that was to visit your parents who are in their 80’s… A. No it’s not a new direction. The only folkish sounding song is Not in my Name although I agree some of the others are more mellow. We really wanted to do another album so Erik suggested we invite Georg Voros and YoYo on bass to join us. Georg flew over and stayed with Erik during the recording of the album in East London. I’d been wanting to record Under Blue Skies for some time and I was really pleased with the way it came out. It’s a nice album. The tour in 2014 was to commemorate 30 years since the release of our first album. It was more a tour of the Barnyard Theatres, too short really. We only did about 7 dates in two weeks. Lots of people complained they didn’t even know we were touring. We did one other outdoor Marquee gig in East London organised by Des Buys (R.I.P) and Themi, old friends of ours since the early days of eVOID. That was great, more like the gigs we prefer doing. And yes it was great spending time with our elderly parents who are now in their nineties and who, believe it or not, are about to emigrate back to the Netherlands in July 2020. What a thing to do at their age. This is an event booklet from éVoid’s LIVE in East London 2014 show..

https://issuu.com/loomweb/docs/mga_-_evoid_27_aug_2014_-_opt Q. Are you and Eric currently working on anything and when I contacted you, you mentioned something about a live video? Could you please share for all the Fadgets who still love your sounds in South Africa? Any plans to come back and tour here any time soon? Any last words for those that may not have read your tweets? A. No we’re not working on anything at the moment but we still have unreleased material in storage that we need to go through. Easily an album’s worth of material.

We don’t have any immediate plans to tour. I’m not even sure if the Johnny Clegg tribute gig is still happening in July.

Any last words? For the brief period of eVoid’s success (1983 -85) there were many years of blood, sweat and tears up to that point. I know it sounds like a cliché but you have to stick at it. I’m talking about young bands who are starting out. Be prepared to take risks and trust your intuition. How you overcome adversity is also important. Always be willing to bounce back and continue the journey no matter what. It’s a privilege to have our music being played even to this day. And that isn’t something you can plan. All you can do is live in the moment. If you want to make an impact on the world around you do it in a joyous and positive way. And never diss your audience. I also want to take this opportunity to thank the many musicians who have been involved in the making of Void – Aden Carter, Terry Andalis, Ozzie Theron and Danny de Wet without whom our inspirational start may never have got off the ground. There were other Void incarnations with line-ups including Neville Holmes (R.I.P.), Benji Mudie, Aggi de Aguiar, Ernie Parker and Kiki. And in the making of eVOID thanks to Ilne Hofmeyr (R.I.P.), Richard Devey, Georg Voros and Wayne Harker, and the session drummer who did Concert in the Park with us whose name I forget. I’ve probably missed out someone. Oh yes, Kevin Gibson the drummer who helped us out of a pickle in Durban when Wayne had to flee the club because the Military Police were after him. Thanks everyone for making it all happen. It would not have happened without your invaluable input and contributions.

Cheers Lucien, Ernesto Garcia Marques 24/06/2020

Great Local Musicians – éVOID – for all the Fadgets | Jive Talking and Eyeballing From Jive Talking and Eyeballing Facebook Group It all began with a band called Zennith in Brakpan near Johannesburg in 1977.

[snickerdoodl3]

100 is a lot, so i'm gonna say every 7th one

7. What’s your worst fear?

-Other than mayflies, losing my loved ones. 

14. Do you care about your follower count?

-No, not really. 

21. What is one of your bad habits?

-I leave everything open all the time. Cabinets, drawers, containers. It’s so annoying and I hate myself for it lmao but I don’t even realize. I just get distracted and walk off mid task. Also I bite and pick at my lip. 

28. best friends name

-This is embarrassing bc I don’t have a best friend that’s not my sister, Kaylee or my boyfriend, Erik. Yikes. They’ve all moved away so it’s hard to consider them my best friends since we don’t do best friend things. 

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder

-I’ve been professionally diagnosed with general/social anxiety, major depression, and ADHD. 

42. Favourite song right now?

-Arby’s triple thick brown sugar bacon tbh I have too many favorite songs. 

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

-One time when I was really little, I was at my aunts house walking past a hallway and at the end of the hallway was a dresser. As I walked past the hallway, the top drawer of the dresser opened really quickly and a really scary looking monkey/gorilla type stuffed animal that looked like it was screaming popped up out of it. I ran and told my mom and my aunt that I was scared of the monkey in the dresser and they were like wtf… what monkey. And every time I’d go to my aunts house I’d be really scared to walk past the dresser and nobody ever believed me about the monkey. I guess that was my first paranormal experience. 

56. What’s your favourite animal?

-Frogs and flamingos. 

63. Are you organized?

-Not at all. I try to be but it only lasts about .5 seconds. I’m better with chaos and spontaneity. 

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

-I’m not sure. I’d like to say I’d take more risks but idk. 

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

-Archaeologist, entomologist, teacher, astronaut, spy, FBI agent, I literally wanted to be everything. Still do. 

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

-Fuck this is a hard one. I’d probably want to go super far into the future, like past the time my kids kids kids kids are dead bc I hate spoilers but I want to see what everything will be like in the future. 

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

-Eminem bc bae

98. How did your first crush develop?

-It was so long ago I don’t even remember. We played together a lot and that’s how? idk lol 

[flameontheotherside]

Panic *trigger alert*

I'm sorry for flooding your feed. Just have so much to get off me. Well...

Going to admit for two weeks I was ready to just check myself out. Like I was researching on the best way to overdose on my medications and who did I know has a gun (Jacob does) and what story I can tell him for why I would need it and Yadda Yadda Yadda.... 😑 I'm being honest. I suffer from ptsd and bipolar depression and with situational funk I guess that's the right word. Idfk I'm just here.

Like all I had been feeling was nothing but everything. I let my house go to shit because I rather lay in bed an cry. Lots of empty pizza boxes. Not kidding. I had to wait outside for the delivery because it was embarrassing. Even embarrassing still is I look horrendous. Luckily it was dark out. I wasn't wearing a bra.... WTF do I need a bra for anyway. I go braless all the time. They are small enough you can't tell in a t-shirt. All the fat I had melted away. Why couldn't it just stay above and below?! 😥

I've had plenty of meltdowns enough to just off myself. Someone or something had to give me the final push. Just call me the right name. I kept popping klonopin and seroquel last weekend. Slept the whole time.

Now that I'm "back" obviously I'm glad I didn't because that would totally suck for a million reasons. What I can't stand are the episodes that happen. I totally get the situational shit. Like a situation happens that makes me reach for my klonopin or just out of nowhere WTF is going on bullshit. The two overlap sometimes and it drives me insane. Pun.

I don't like public places anymore.

Over two years I've developed a strong hatred for leaving my house. It's always wanting to go back home asap. Fearing emotional abuse again. It kills me to go anywhere unless there is beer. Turns out the chemicals in beer provide the same effect as a benzo. My Dr said that. Makes sense to me. When I drink I have no filter. I mean no filter. I prefer klonopin because I don't blackout, get a hangover, and I don't have to hear from my "friends", "Do you know what you did last night?" and see pics of me literally dancing on tables and shit. Those days are gone. They were fun and they are gone. I was a totally different person because I was almost always drunk.

Soooooo...I don't do vlogs because it would mean I have to edit. It always freaks me out hearing my own voice and I always look terrible on video. Even recording tracks on music takes. I don't like my singing voice but people say I'm talented. It's weird and I have a face for blogging. So yeah. 😐

People on YouTube have way more patience than me.

Gotta give myself credit. I hate having to read and write now. Used to love it. Now, I'm being forced to by having this blog. Still don't give a shit about typos. Yall can't deal with it, don't read. I mean this blog is mostly for me anyway.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit. channelingerik.com … And YouTube

There is a new Twin Flame in spirit support forum: Spirit Spouse Support Group check it out!

Get your first Twin Flame/Mediumship reading free and take a look at affordable detailed readings here! (◕‿◕)♡

[lavieboheme930]

Name 7 friends. 1. Beki 2. Mo 3. Ricky 4. Lisa 5. Erik 6.Jay 7. Casey Questions. 1] Would 3 and 6 get along if they were locked in a room together for 24 hours?: Yes.  They’ve met actually and they’re both funny.

2] If 6 asked you out, what would you say?: Honestly, I’d say yes 3] What’s 3’s favorite band?: I don’t know actually

4] Is 1 your best friend or boy/girlfriend?: Best friend. 5] Is 2 a Democrat or Republican?: Neither

6] Do you know who number 6 dated last?: No 7] Have you met 7’s parents?: No 8] Would you kiss 4 (if you were single)?: Nope. We don’t go that way 9] Are you keeping a secret for 2?: Nope.  But I have in the past Individual questions. Number one:  1] What’s their name?: Rebekah, but she goes by Beki 2] Have they ever gotten into a fight?: Not that I know of . 3] What’s the last show they went to?: No idea 4] Who’s their best friend (if it’s you, who’s their second best friend)?: Shari 5] Do you know their phone number by heart?: No 6] What’s their middle name?: Victoria 7] Does their mom like you?: Yes.  Her mother has known me since I was a baby 8] Do they have any cute siblings?: I never thought of him like that because we grew up like we were siblings 9] Do you get along with their siblings?: Yes 10] Ever met their grandma?: Yes Number two:  1] What’s their name?: Maureen but I call her Mo. 2] How old are they?: 33 3] Do they want to get married someday? She is married 4] Favorite singer?: No idea 5] What’s the design of their MySpace layout?: WTF LOL 6] Do they have any piercings?: Yes 7] Tattoos?: No 8] Would you kiss them?: No 9] Are they straight, gay, bi, whatever?: Straight  10] Last place you went with them?: Oh wow, it’s been a long time.  Probably mall Number three: Ricky 1] When’s their birthday?: August 3 2] Does their dad like you?: Never met him 3] What classes do you have with them?: We never went to school together. 4] Where were they born?: Puerto Rico 5] What’s their house look like?: I don’t know 6] Are they dating anyone? Who?: Yes.  His boyfriend 7] What grade are they in?: They’re in college 8] Where do they work?: Starbucks.  That’s how we actually met 9] What’s their dream job?: theater 10] How long have you known them for?: 3 years I think. Number four: Lisa 1] Do they speak any other languages? Which?: Croatian I think it is 2] What’s their ethnicities?: Croatia 3] What’s their best school subject?: She majored in fashion. 4] Have you ever lied to them?: No 5] What’s the last gift they gave you?: Nothing I can think of 6] What does their hair look like?: blonde and long 7] Did they go on vacation this year? Where to?: Italy. 8] Would you switch wardrobes with them?: Sure 9] Do you live within walking distance?: No 10] Do they take the bus, walk, or get another way home from school?: She’s not in school.  Number five:   1] What’s their name?: Erik 2] Are they a boy or a girl?: boy 3] What’s their hair color?: i think he’s brunette again 4] What’s their worst school subject?: I don’t know.   5] Are they single?: I think he’s still with his boyfriend 6] Do they play any instruments? Which?: guitar 7] Where did you guys meet?: At Pippin 8] What’s their view on abortion?: We never discussed it 9] What song reminds you of them?: Love Somebody -Maroon 5. 10] Were they born in another country?: No. Number six:  1] What’s their name?: Jay 2] Out of the other 6 people on the list, who does this person get along with?: Casey they work together 3] Last time you saw them?: few weeks ago 4] How tall are they?: I don’t know 5] What’s their dress style?: pretty casual 6] Favorite food? He just started a new diet. 7] Ever had a crush on this person?: Sorta 8] What school do they go to?: N/A 9] Ever had a dream about them? What happened?: Nope 10] Do they wear contacts or glasses?: No. Number seven:   1] What’s their name?: Casey 2] When’s their birthday?: It just passed actually.  I forgot though 3] Have they ever dyed their hair?: No. 4] Weirdest hairstyle they ever had?: None 5] What color do they usually wear?: I’ve seen him where different colors all the time 6] How much do they weigh?: I don’t know. 7] Did they have a birthday party for their birthday?: I don’t think so 8] How old are they?: 31 9] What year did you meet them?: 2017 10] Did you ever get into a fight? Over what?: No

[thepeakmoment]

More Returns

Here's a superb podcast on Peaks. May 30 is the most recent episode. A great listen. Counter Esperanto Podcast: Tangents About Twin Peaks: 10th Secret: The Return

On Tue, Jun 13, 2017 at 1:53 PM, Dom wrote: I'll check it out tonight.

So my Diane prediction was on the fucking money.

I got another theory I'm working on.

Who's the mysterious billionaire? I heard some people say it may be Audrey Horne. I heard some people say it is Jack (John Justice Wheeler). I heard some people say it is Phillip Jeffries or Evil Cooper.

Put on your tinfoil hat for this one. The Billionaire is Leo Johnson. He lived through his spider ordeal. Then he took everything that Windom left behind (notes, computer files, other assorted Windom things) and built a criminal empire. I find it very hard to believe that the fucking casting director's son who was in the 1st two seasons and the fucking movie is NOT in this one.

The secret history of twin peaks tells us what happens to a bunch of characters like Leo. For instance Hank dies in prison. But not one word in the book about Leo? I got to believe that he lives and he’s not just a slobbering fool any more. I know this is probably not going to happen. But that's my theory.

I cannot imagine Leo is a rich billionaire — how did he make his money? A theory that makes sense I’ve heard on EW TP podcast that it could be BOB-Cooper attempting to catch Good Cooper if he ever left the Lodge. But really, I have no idea… not as of end of P7.

I like how Lynch-Frost are using all official Twin Peaks releases as canon to draw the narrative from — Laura’s Diary, FWWM, Missing Pieces of blu-ray edition, as well as many classic episode threads.

And like Erik, I KNOW, that Sheriff Harry S. Truman will make an appearance in this season. I feel it in my bones.

It’s looking grim for Harry — or rather, it sounds grim from Frank saying to Harry, “beat this thing.” But actually I can see Ontkean coming out of retirement to have a role toward the end of the series. I also (want to) believe Josie returning … maybe she’s the billionaire, but why would she make such a contraption mounted to the side of building?

On Sun, Jun 25, 2017 at 2:26 AM, Erik wrote: Good Morning Gents. Grab a cup a joe and settle down a minute. I got some backed up information for yous … << Starts Tape Recorder…. >>

Spot on is right Mr Domi. You got that Diane was Laura Dern AND that she drinks at the Pub we went to. I even want to say she is seated in the area of the bar that we were sitting at that night.  Glad it wasn't raining when we went, "FUCK Gene Kelly, You mother fucker!!" LOL I love Albert, he is my favorite this season. (Location: Max Von's Bar = Casey's Irish Pub, 619 South Grand, LA)

So Episode 7 should have shut up all those whiner's and complainer's of Ep 6. There was a lot of hate on the internet, and even in our FB Group, about that episode. I was ok with it. I did not like the scene with the kid getting hit by the truck, but the scene ended with the Fat Trout Telephone pole, so I'm ok with it.

"Lynch has gotten flak for the male gaze in his work, but the problems go a lot deeper than lingering shots on female anatomy.…” Laura Hudson in Vulture.

Also in EP 6 we finally got two major new pieces of music from Angelo, not his best work, but still great to hear.  The overall lack of his music is my biggest complaint this season in case I didn't make that clear.

When Johnny Jewel's Windswept first appeared, I thought that was Badalamenti  finally debuting new music. I was definitely disappointed it was not Angelo, no disrespect to Johnny. But I agree with you Erik about no AB original score. That music is what made classic Peaks so memorable. I don’t get why Lynch is using such popular music. There really wan’t any such tracks in FWWM, it was Angelo’s music and further cemented Peaks as evergreen. Lynch is acting like Scorcese in the epic cinematic story… and he doesn’t need to. Marty did not have a Badalamenti in his arsenal. Lynch does. Please use him.

EP 7...There's a body alright.. is definitely the shit. Now we are cooking. Jerry!!!! Come out of it man... Lets get Ben and Jerry back in action, not disfunction. The diary pages, Annie's message from FWWM, Leland hiding pages, DIANE from hell! ... Bringing it all back home.

There’s a dark undercurrent with Diane and Cooper. All signs are indicating something very bad happened to Diane. I think BOB-Cooper raped her.

I wonder where Frank Truman was at the time of Laura's murder? He says he remembers Leland, her father, did it, but is not really familiar with the case. BUT why the heck is Frank not asking "So what is "the Lodge" you keep talking about?” Hawk?

The way Hawk talks so knowledgable about both Lodges and the way Frank does not question or disbelieve him, then it must be common knowledge among the indigenous culture. Wonder if Frank is a Bookhouse Boy?

Ancient Doc Hayward, kinda sad, but he was still funny. Did you catch his Skype name?  MiddleburyDoc... Warren Frost was actually living in VT right? They probably actually did just Skype him and screen capture it…lol

I caught that right away about Warren Frost’s Skype handle. And no doubt, Frost stayed in Vermont to do his scene. That just recorded the screen.… I do miss Briggs. Yet he died long before Lynch-Frost’s three-year tenure writing the new story, they had plenty of time to work the presence of him into the story.

Briggsy.. Oh Major Briggs. how we miss thee. Should be interesting how this plays out. And When the hell are we going to go back to I bet the road where Andy is waiting to meet the Truck owner is up there at Frankln Canyon Pond.

The Dog Leg.... WTF?  Is Joe McCluskey the guy that rigged the car and Mr C Killed earlier on? I do think the Psycho Little guy with the Ice Pick and Gun is kinda silly. Over the top for no reason.  Oh well.… It's kinda silly also that no one has taken Dougie to the Doctor. Everyone just plays along. we have to suspend disbelief I guess.

OMG enough with the guy sweeping at the Roadhosue. Is this all the extra time he told Shotime he needed more money for to tell the story properly?  lol and more music used in hundreds of shows and commercials. I love Booker T and the MGs don't get me wrong, but ... UGH I miss you Angelo... Also... Kinda weird to see Jean Michel... Did Jacque Renault have a twin brother? lol Mr. C and Ray getting out of Prison.. Bad stuff gonna happen. I think they might have used San Bernadino County Jail for this locaton. The Cell block Cooper is located on looks familar.  I will compare some screen grabs from my Locaton and Publicity Photos we took for Beyond Scared Straight at that jail.

And beause they needed to pad the ending to get to the alloted running time... Back to the RR Diner for the end scene, and yet another over-used stock song they probably had to pay more to use than what they paid Angelo for everything. Plus, I liked that song better when they used it in the X-files episode “Home" but No, I'm not bitter.

General notes: Glad Naomi Watts has such a big part. She really owns her scenes. Wish Jennifer Jason Leigh was more present but Mr C just left Jail for somewhere... It's slightly brilliant how Lynch (but probably Frost came up with it) still has made Harry a character in the show. even if only on the phone and never even heard. I feel like Harry is there kinda. Also brilliant... Robert Forrester.... wow. Wish he was in the original or the movie. Not sure how I feel with Dern as Diane. I'll go with it and see what happens.

Outstanding questions for me....(cause I haven't been reading blogs or listening to podcasts)

What is up with all the Arthurian Legend references? Dougie lives on Lancalot Court, down the street from the Merlin Market. Janey-E meets for the ransom drop on the corner of Gueneivere and Merlin. And of course, Glastonbury Grove... Pete Martel: "King Arthur's burried in England!"

Why is it when Dougie puts his thumb up or his hand out to shake, he turns his body 180 degrees?

What is up with the creepy guy (from Mulholland Diner scene) in the Vegas Office? I can't seem to catch his meaning in the story line.

What is up with Cooper's Room Key from the Great Northern? If has finally made it back to Ben Horne...Soooo?

One last question... Did Lynch quit smoking?  He made two references to people (Gordon Cole even) quitting. Did we ever even see Cole smoke in the series or movie? weird for him to say he quit when the character never smoked on camera. "You think about that Tammy."

On Jun 25, 2017, at 4:29 PM, Dom wrote: I think Frank Truman was a police officer in Seattle during Laura's investigation if I remember the book correctly. But I think that a "Sheriff Truman" has been in power for over 60 consecutive years now between the 2 brothers and their father. It sort of like there must always be a Stark in Winterfell.

To my knowledge that was the first time ever we have heard name Joe McCluskey. I have no clue who that is. But I have a feeling we will learn.

Yea, I don’t recollect Joe McCluskey. Gotta watch again to see if he first appears or is mentioned earlier.

I think Ike the Spike is either from the black lodge or an agent of the black lodge. Remember he smelled "funny" per the little girl.

Spike did look a little monstery, his teeth especially.

I actually loved that scene of the sweeping. I could just imagine everyone watching was freaking out and I enjoyed that. And I thought that Walter did some great acting while on the phone as Jean-Michel. "He owes me for two!"

That ending scene from the RR diner was weird as shit. Its either the worst continuity error of all time or something truly weird happened there. Completely different set of people dining there after David Lynch's son runs in and asks if anyone has seen Billy.

Lynch did not quit smoking. He, like Harry Dean are lifers.

Both Laura Dern and Naomi Watts are killing their roles. Both doing a fantastic job. I just cannot wait to see them come face to face over Dougie.

And MacLachlan! All his Cooper iterations are really well done. I love that BOB-Cooper character. Can’t wait to see what trouble he kicks up now!

My new tin foil theory is that we may be dealing with 2 Twin Peaks. Twins of each other if you will. I'm still working this one out. Different versions of the same town in different universes a part of a greater multiverse?

Did you notice Andy was wearing a rolex? Kind of weird.

…And he was supposed to meet the guy at 4:30. Is that one of the numbers from ????? ?

The guy from the Vegas office is working directly for Phillip Jeffries or whoever is pretending to be him IMO.

Don’t overlook the black soot guy walking in the hallway toward the female FBI agent in the morgue. I think it’s related to the guy next to Bill Hastings cell.…

Lots of Arthurian Legend stuff from way back when. I never got that. But its seems to be very important. I would love to go to Merlin's Market.

During the end credits from the last episode buried in the music is Windham Earle's theme mixed into the background too!!!!!

I might try headphones for tonight’s part to see exactly what sounds I miss. I know there’s a lot of low audible noise and rumbling that I don’t hear when our apartment is 86º and the fan is going.…

On Jun 25, 2017, at 8:10 PM, Dom wrote: Some last minute thoughts...

Yeah I agree about MacLachlan is killing it and should win an Emmy for best actor. Black soot guy is awesome and its the same dude for sure from the jail cell. Some people seem to think we have seen him a third time as a homeless man outside of Vegas at the Rachera Rosa is whatever it is called. I don't think that we did. I will need to re-watch that again. Another tin foil hat theory. On those three pages from Laura's diary she refers to knowing who it is and that its not Bob. At least everyone thinks she is referencing Leland. That is probably most right. However I am thinking that she is referring to an evil more powerful and sadistic than even Bob.Like whatever came out of the glass box and mutilated those younglings.

On Jun 25, 2017, at 8:17 PM, Erik wrote: > "Yea, I don’t recollect Joe McCluskey."

I am thinking if the guy in the diner eating food non-stop the whole scene with Ray and the chick Mr C shot in the head.  Just before he kills her, he tells her "i killed joe, and the she freaks out, knowing the gig is up.   The previous scene the eating guy "joe" does something to a car in storage and then cooper like squeezes his face for a whole minute.   Could be McCluskey?

> "Lynch did not quit smoking."

Well, its mighty fine of him to send a non smoking message to all the youths. Considering Cole does not smoke, it is a conscious message.

> "All his Cooper iterations are really well done."

Yes, Kyle will def get an Emmy nomination. Dern and Watts will also I predict.  

> “RR diner was weird as shit. Its either the worst continuity error of all time or something truly weird happened there.”

There are no accidents on a Lynch set. If an error occurs and he likes it he will use it. So who knows why he did it. On the same level as the windows  flashing code on the FBI jet.  He is throwing out decoys i feel.  

> “then it (the Lodge) must be common knowledge among the indigenous culture.”

Then why the heck is Truman not like "well lets go up there" nor does Hawk tell him he was up in those woods when Log Lady last called.

> “Don’t overlook the black soot guy walking in the hallway”

Nope, I did not mention him cause i consider it another decoy.  Kinda like the shambling being behind the diner in Mulholland Drive...never came up again. i am sure he will play a part at some point.  

But i did forget to mention the playing card Mr. C  showed the girl in the hotel bed before he shoots her.  Aliens? Very well could be.

Have a good viewing. The damn internet saying EP 8 is extra noteworthy. Could it be Phillip Jeffries? Windom Earl?  More Leland and Laura? (I actually doubt we will see either of them again).  Audrey? Big Ed? They got plenty of options.

Cheers! ~G

Sent from the Black Lodge.