#especially with the ask i just deleted

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[ebonytails]

maybe im just dumb but what is the difference between kris p and kris t?

TL;DR - They are Kris Dreemurr fictives and we needed a way to differentiate them

Oh you're not dumb, don't worry! It really is a little confusing because we haven't talked about who they or we are in a very long time. I'm going to talk a lot here so you have all the context you might need! If it''s too long,, the TL;DR above is the gist of it.

For context, we are a system! You can read about it a little in our FAQ

Kris T and Kris P are TWO Kris introjects/fictives of Kris Dreemurr from Deltarune in our system.

Originally we just had Kris T who split in Dec 2018, and then when Chapter 2 came out, Kris P came into our system after that. Of course at first, Kris T. was just "Kris", but since we had a double now, we had to figure out how to differentiate between the two. We knew another Kris fictive from a different system at this time who was nicknamed P. Kris by Susie in our system, and susie wanted to emphasize who she was talking about.

SO. As a small nod to that, everyone decided to nickname Kris P as Kris P, as an inverse of P. Kris.

A little convoluted, I know!

Besides being Kris introjects/fictives though, they also look different! I made some new drawings to try and showcase their differences if that helps :3?

Their dark world forms also look different. Kris T's is simpler, with a shiny soft cape, while Kris P's is more complicated with a hooded cape, which is also described as "very comfortable"

Here's a whole Toyhouse of images of how Kris T. looks like right now! There's also his reference ! vvv

Sorry if you weren't interested in our "life story"! They're not just random characterizations (they are alters), so I wasn't sure how to answer w/o giving you some sort of explanation.

They have their own sideblogs, so if you have specific questions directed towards them, you can always ask here because we'll see it better, or you can send them an ask in their own blogs. Kris T's is @kristalpepsi, and Kris P's is @itswhattheycallyou

[desultory-suggestions]

Witcher fans forgive me. I finally watched the Witcher because everyone raved about it for so long. I just. I just don’t like this show. Devastated. Everything good about it (which there is plenty) is overshadowed by the most annoying narrative choices. I never know what time it is in the show (past or present?) there’s random choppy moments that make no sense until so much later but with no intrigue, and Ciri aged so much between recording seasons that I thought they recast her. No hate to anyone who likes the show, there’s a ton of good stuff about it but these things I just can’t get past. They chop up a great idea until I keep pausing to go “wait what happened? WHO is that?” I know this has nothing to do with my blog but someone needs to know my insanity over this.

[compacflt]

OKAY I’M DONE‼️ tomorrow‼️

(Subtract about 3-4k [in-progress notes and afterword for my print version—which will be sent to those who asked once i finish editing (might be a minute)!] but here’s proof)

sorry it took so long. I was really unhappy with a couple sections and decided to stop bitching about how unhappy I was with them on tumblr and take the time to rewrite them to a standard that I would actually be happy posting… which I thought would take like a week… silly compacflt… always triple the amount of time I estimate i might need… so sorry I’ve been MIA. ive been working on this the whole time.

but now I’m actually really happy with these. And with their completion, it means this series is over. I think this is an ending I can actually be proud of, now. so for me it was worth it.

also i think i should reiterate, these aren’t supposed to be read all at once, i just thought it would be crazy to post these dozens of individual one-shots as their own chapters. that’s crazy. Lol. so you can treat them like chapters if you want. or don’t. I’m not your mom

these sections (ice/mav retiring, getting married, hangster wedding, retired life etc.) will be posted tomorrow. Thank you for waiting‼️

[starflungwaddledee]

i just want to make a tiny mention of this, but i've noticed lately that even excluding asks i'm starting to struggle to stay on top of responding to everything. i'm not sure if there's been an uptick in interactions (i think so), or if it's just that my cfs is kicking my ass more (it's also this)

and i'm so so grateful and i read and love every comment and engagement, but i can't always think of things to say in response! i also get very nervous if i leave something a few days without responding because i then feel kind of embarrassed to respond to it so late 😭💦

i'll still continue to do my best to get back to everyone where i can, but if i don't respond it's nothing personal! i'm just a little swamped haha 😅

[kiwisandpearls]

Kindly take your last post out of the Zutara tag.

People are allowed to criticize Aang. People are allowed to point out the failings of the writing behind his character. He's fictional. His feelings won't be hurt. It shouldn't matter that people hate him.

(Some people who dislike or criticize him aren't even Zutara shippers. And those that are have said that their dislike of Aang has nothing to do with liking Zutara)

What's not okay is attacking Zutara shippers who are real people over their opinions on a FICTIONAL character.

The problem with posts like yours is that they're so hypocritical. You always make out Zutara shippers to be the problem. Do you know what Kataang fans have done? They've doxxed people, sent death threats. They had a rape Discord a few years ago. They've continuously harassed DANTE BOSCO, calling him a pedo because he likes Zutara. They literally recently harassed an NATLA writer on Twitter because she likes Zutara.

Stop calling out Zutara shippers for not liking a fictional character when Kataang shippers have some real damage to real people.

…I—

I literally did not put my post in the zutara tag. I put them in the ‘zutara fans critical’ and ‘zutara stans critical’ tags because 1. I didn’t want to put them in the anti zutara tag because it wasn’t meant to be an anti zutara post and 2. I obviously did not want to put the post critical about zutara shippers in the general zutara tag. I’m guessing you most likely just looked up zutara because like again, you can check yourself, I did not use the general ‘zutara’ tag.

also I never said people weren’t allowed to criticize aang. My point was actually that you don’t have to vilify aang to excuse zutara and/or excuse your dislike of aang. Criticizing aang isn’t “aang forced katara to be with him and would be a horrible boyfriend/husband to her” criticizing aang is “aang was in the wrong for how he talked to katara after the ember islands play”.

“What's not okay is attacking Zutara shippers who are real people over their opinions on a FICTIONAL character.”

i’m not???? Where do you see me attacking zutara shippers, genuinely point it out to me because if I was being hostile to them that wasn’t my intention.

I would’ve just ignored and maybe deleted this ask if I weren’t completely baffled by it. How is me making this one post about how certain zutara shippers should just admit they have a negative opinion of aang and much prefer zutara to kataang instead of coming up batshit reasons to claim aang is a horrible person is me somehow attacking zutara shippers for…having negative opinion on aang, and turning a blind eye to kataang shippers that are just as if not worse?

trust me, I think kataang shippers who make up reasons to explain why zuko would also be terrible for katara is just as annoying as zutara shippers who make up reasons to explain why aang would be terrible for katara. And I don’t think kataang shippers, or any shippers, doxxing and harassing zutara and other shippers is ok in anyway. I just didn’t mention it because I kinda thought it would be obvious that kataang shippers that also harass people are just as bad as zutara shippers that harass people. Maybe that’s asking a little too much of the internet but idk.

Also, I didn’t know kataang shippers were harassing Dante Basco. I didn’t even know he was a zutara shipper, I’m not that deep in the fandom. I’m not even that much in it at all lol. So even if I were to talk about kataang shippers what did you want me to do about it? Telepathically figure out kataang shippers have been harassing him lol? Not saying that it’s ok nor surprising, I just straight up didn’t know.

[aurumacadicus]

Just had like... the dumbest idea for an original work.

Supernatural universe with a super competent feline race that are excellent at blending in with humans. They're good at everything. Including minding their own business. But that also makes them very good at judging whether other supernatural creatures are putting their world at risk with humans or not. Some are even tasked with being Official Judges for others to bring their grievances before, and others still tasked with carrying out punishments. It is made especially clear that these two classes of the feline race are a very last resort. They live aloof from both sides, only opening up to their own species, and it's considered one of the highest honors when they decide a non-feline is part of their inner circle.

"I don't mean this to be insulting or anything," Human MC asks.

"I will not be offended," Feline Character replies.

".......Are you all autistic," Human MC asks.

Feline Character does an 👌🏼 at them. "We've been masking in mixed company for literally millennia."

[bonefall]

Did you man beam Drizzle? If so, why not just pair up Rustle with Cranberry instead? I get for the amazing ship name but I'm curious about the choice /gen

I totally forgot Drizzle's original gender, but also, I really don't want to overthink it. I'm so tired of overthinking it. I wanted CranberryDrizzle funny ship name and it was getting exhausting to plan out where every pairing in several hundred cats would be getting their kits from

Rustle is going to die at some point after having two QR kittens, and Cranberrydrizzle is going to have 2 important litters (Sunstrike and Emberfoot in the first, Fernstripe in the second). I have done an exhausting amount of work (weeks of planning and hours of work at a time, scouring the wiki and facebook screenshots, redrawing tangles, reading through suggestions, writing out full posts of changes and creating new groups with their own histories) untangling broken fragments of family trees and like... I'm tired. No more shuffling. I deserve Funny Ship Name. is this too much to ask

Boy Drizzle is just the easiest answer. I'd like for Drizzle to just be transfem but I was also told to avoid cats being trans just to have kits, which is ALSO frustrating me at this point, I don't like this weight of "perfect representation" that's being put on me when I'M not even perfect representation as a living human queer.

Do I let Drizzle be transfem and "break a rule," or change them to a boy and "lose" a lesbian pairing? It feels gross to me to have fallen into a mindset where I'm treating queer relationships like quotas or rigid rulesets

I feel like if I 'get something wrong' (like forget the gender of a Missing Kit or a side character, or handwave 'where did these kits come from' with 'trans/queen's rights' without considering a real secret surrogate) I'm going to get smacked upside the head and be forced to hyperfocus on one small part of a massive project when I already have a million other things to work on.

So unfortunately the most honest answer I can probably give is that im tired. I'm really tired. Overthinking minor details before making every single tumblr post is draining me. I forgot the missing kit's original author-assigned gender and didn't scroll to the bottom of Onestar's wiki page to check it before posting. I like the ship name. Cranberrysplash somehow gets pregnant twice, but I was told to avoid trans bioparents, yet doing that is making things even harder after I had to do weeks of work to make a good tree in the first place

I'll figure out Drizzlefall's gender when they become relevant in some context

[monkee-mobile]

Don’t you know that Tork is a wifebeater?

tags.

[skyward-floored]

"What do you want for Christmas" "what do you want for your birthday" "ideas for gifts would be great" help

[crimeboys]

what is just call i’ll be there waiting?

oh it's this modern/college au ctntduo oneshot i wrote a long way back. quackity and schlatt break up, wilbur comforts quackity, blah blah blah. sad ending though.

[mackmp3]

From our convo earlier today about dressing emo/scene, I only ever tried going all out (but only using clothes i already owned) for it one time and like lowkey I absolutely slayed

I was with my sister and a friend and they call me emo sometimes so I played it off as "teehee silly joke" when really I was LOVING the look hajdhjabdjahdjahhdh. Also, however, swoop bangs like literally BOIL YOUR FACE ALIVE?? I WAS OVERHEATING BECAUSE OF MY HAIR??? I think my hair is just turbo thick tho

THAT HAS SO MUCH SWAG OMG?? the cargo shorts the chains over the tie the belts on an angle the gold nail polish.......... nice

[dailydegurechaff]

tanya but she is schizophrenic

I’ve been kinda sitting on this ask for a while, unsure how or whether I wanted to answer it and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to make a joke of a serious mental illness that I don’t have any personal experience with. I’m sure you probably don’t mean this request to be offensive or ableist, but personally it’s something I’m uncomfortable with. Sorry about that;;

Going forward I want to ask that people please don’t send me requests of this nature that are either offensive, or could potentially be hurtful someone. I want DailyDegu to just be a silly fun blog anyone can enjoy, and I don’t want to potentially hurt anyone with it. Thank you! :)

[the-art-saving-place]

I really wish ppl could be normal abt ships. Like, I have my own boundaries, and certain things end up in an insta-block, but i don't message them to tell them how much of a problem they are for either sipping something or not liking a ship (because that happens too)

Literally the reason i have this blog is because i reblogged some art i didn't even know was ship art (and i'm still not sure it was! i think it was just a roleswap au) and then the next day, 5 anons talking abt how the ship was an issue, and trying to be condescending like i didn't know. I panicked and played dumb like i didn't know ppl hated the ship, but like. i took a while off from tumblr after that, cause i got anons arguing with each other in my inbox. like go away.

and now i have this blog. a blog that's so disconnected from my main i use a different name and set of pronouns so nobody realizes it's me and causes it again. I think i blocked the source but i still am unsure. this all happened because some fucking media illiterate person can't tell that skyward sword is a coming of age story, and hyrule historia says ghirahim is links age, but no, you headcannon him as older so it's invalid.

[a-s-levynn]

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[httpiastri]

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