#even mommy cat likes him and he’s like ‘sorry we gotta break up I have a new gf now’ and he’s talking about THE CAT

[ihatebnha]

I think Dabi would pick up two of the kittens and then “make them kiss” real quick and he makes the kissy noise when he does it too

NHRYROSJTUEKJVIDC CRYING!!! all smiling and shit too, he’s like “hey watch this” JUST TO PULL THIS!!!

Probably puts them all under his shirt or in his pockets too and then flashes little peaks at you whenever u walk by him.

Why is it so attractive, tho? I’m woozy😾

[argreion]

What's Your Poison?

-

Leon Kennedy general/BF headcanons!

We all need some Leon in our lives. This is basically adding onto my own headcanons plus boyfriend headcanons! NSFW too! Stupid? Yes. Do I really care and just wanted to make something today? Yes!

Also YES, the little dividers are uneven (and stupid), it's triggering to me but we still MUST go on.

Word count: 4.8k

Warnings: Each Leon contains a NSFW and a SFW. RE2R - Nipple play, pussy munching Leon, talks of mommy/daddy kink, food play. RE4R - General talks of hair pulling and breathplay, and pegging. RE6 - talks of drunk sex, (dub-con in a way?), munch Leon, daddy kink, breathplay, somno. Vendetta - talks of choking, pegging, marking and hints of impact play, and MUNCHHHH! Death Island - Talk of motorcycle sex, boob jobs, thigh jobs, shower sex, and scent kink.

Our favorite rookie! Our little pookie! He's such a sweetheart! We'll just say Raccoon City didn't happen, because you would've had to know him before Raccoon City to even actually date him. You two probably met in high school or during his time at the police academy.

He falls hard, he's young, he doesn't understand. Ada didn't exactly happen in this timeline. He doesn't even know Ada exists. I'm sorry Aeon fans, I love Ada, but the way I see Leon… I gotta erase her for RE2R.

Sweet little dates, at cafés, bakeries, or at home! The movie nights you two do, rom-coms, Disney movies, or stupid comedy. Loves them! Feel like he wants the perfectly sweet popcorn, and will buy every kind of seasoning for you. Burnt his popcorn on accident, and accidentally set the fire alarm off, too. Yikes, asides from the blaring alarm. You two couldn't help but giggle! Date nights either ended in mistake, like Leon accidentally falling asleep with his face in popcorn, or ended in cuddles!

Cuddles with RE2 Leon? TUMMY! RE2 Leon has a tummy! He lets you squish and lay on it. Blow raspberries, which he gets bashful at. That's stupid, and that's for kids! Ok, maybe he liked it…

Generally, he's pretty courteous! He's a good boy! Holds the door open like his mama taught him. Hold the chair out for you. Walk on the outer edge of side walks. Offer his coat when needed. Loves to be rewarded with a kiss, or a head pat!

Melts at the fact you might steal his clothes. And tries to often clean them for you. You're in his hoodie? It's going on his phone and possibly in a scrapbook!

Leaves cute little note reminders for you. 'Love you! <3', 'Remember to take your meds!', 'Take breaks!'. Will do small stupid doodles on them as well. Either him with a sloppy chibi style. Or some cute flower or thing he saw on TV!

Bit of a dork, too. I didn't get into this with my general Leon head canons, but I see Leon as a bit of a collector. Possible plushie collector! Watch him at those claw machines, he's stubborn to get a new one! Grew up with plushies and Gundam, too! Will and wants to build with you! He finds it cute, he finds the small odd things cute!

Wants to get a dog with you, said it would be fun! Walking around with it, possibly a bloodhound! It's big floppy ears, and you could howl with it? C'mon, what's not to love?

Little bit of a gamer! Plays stuff like Mario Kart, Zelda, Minecraft, etc. Honestly, just the pretty popular and highly rated games. Gets a D.S. just to get Nintendogs + Cats. Treats them like his babies if you won't want a dog. Is a little pouty because of it, but he'll get it over!

Lets you honestly do whatever you want on him. Want to yassify his look with make-up? Cosplay? Sure, just don't make him wear a skirt. Draw on his face and arms? Go ahead! Cute stickers? He'll take a picture! Photoshoot? There's a place downtown that'll be good! M-marriage? Gonna have to wait a bit on that, babe…

Though, it does come with some setbacks. He's over apologetic. He feels bad for looking so… Feminine, or wishing he wasn't so soft. He looks like a kid at points, in his eyes. His teeth are a bit wonky, too. Don't worry, Leon. We still and always will love you! A little awkward at talking, as well. His last relationship didn't end good, he remembered drinking a lot. Just wants and hopes you'll stay!

!NSFW!

So, let's be honest. Leon will take you well, strap or not. Loves being able to be of use to you. He's gentle, and honestly wants you to be, too! Sorry, but I can't picture him with rough sex at all with RE2! He isn't ready to be choked, or have bondage. The worst he would do is overstimulation, and he has to hype himself up heavily and ask every single second for it!

Likes to nibble and suck on your chest! Worship your nipples, suck on them, kiss them, just nipples. Wants to hold the boobs, be your personal bra. Loves to snuggle them as well, it gives him comfort.

Did we ever mention mommy AND daddy issues? I feel like he might not want to be babied as much, considering I feel like he was a low-key nerd/weirdo in high school. But he can't help but call you something endearing. Sucks on you while looking up at you, those pretty blues. Then asking, “Did I do good?”

Loves the emotion of love during sex. He doesn't even call it sex, honestly. He calls it love making. Positions like Face-Off or honestly 69 make it better to him. Being able to hold you in some way, it makes each single second more heavenly than before.

Sit on his face, please. He loves being able to love you so much. It's also a bit arousing to be suffocated by pussy, but that's just him. Burying himself into your folds and licking at your nub, it's his end journey to do so.

Trims his pubic hair just for you, has accidentally cut himself while doing so… Doesn't want to be a big bush down there! You might not even see his dick because of it!

His dick is probably five to six inches, honestly. I'm leaning towards a four to five, but girlies like going large, so go large! Hard? He probably gains about an inch and a half. Two inches at most. Get him aroused with ice cream, or sensually licking whipped cream off your finger. It always does the trick to the innocent mind. 

-

Rookie is a little buffer now, eh? He's still the same, but honestly… To even date him, you'd probably have to date him before or during RE2R. I feel like he wouldn't even want a relationship during the RE4R — Damnation time frame.

He'll still fall hard, but not dumb. He's seen things now, heard screams, he's traumatized, like legitimately traumatized. Please, give him a hug and just be patient with him after Spain. He needs a moment to rest and for his brain to relax somewhat.

Dates with him are simple, honestly, just pretty basic and cheap. He doesn't need to wear a tuxedo, or go to a penthouse, to enjoy what he has. Orders from a local place, he loves supporting small businesses. If there is none, the way to go is fast food! Sure, he kind of hates it, but it's worth it for you. Cuddled up, watching a stupid show or movie. Movie nights and such with him are amazing! He isn't annoying with talking, and keeps an arm around you at all times.

Pet names galore! Still prefers to use your actual or preferred name, but likes to sometimes go. Babe? Babeeeeee? That was when he knew he fucked up, trying to cook on his own. Then you watched as the apartment exploded, with him awkwardly standing there. :3

Understands the fact he's bad because of everything. He isn't always there to help you. Feels horribly for it, too. Even if you reassure him, it still feels wrong to him for you to feel sad he's gone. He shouldn't even be gone, he should be with you! Hugging you, making Mac and Cheese at 2AM with you! He should be present, and he's not.

Tries to make up for that fact with texting or calls. He needs one every few days, or else he freaks out. Look, he's a mama hen, he worries a lot. For Sherry and Ashley, and you, of course.

Whenever he comes home, all he wants to do is shower with you. No shower sex when he gets home, but two of his favorite things in one place? Sir, yes, sir! Showering with you is his favorite things. Especially when you two start to smack each other with towels, (or the other's ass.)

Still a collector, but this time… It's Gundam PLUS movies. Keeps a few plushies from his childhood. Don't call him out, he'll get all flustered.

Isn't a gamer anymore, his schedule gets pretty clogged up nowadays. Ever since he saved Ashley, he gets put on a lot more missions and such.

Sleeping with him involves an arm around you. Now sleeping like a rock, making you wonder if he's even breaking at points. Will proceed to wrap himself around like a koala, and nuzzle into you. You aren't leaving the bed, you're in his territory, now! You can't fight back or escape…

But you can start a tickle fight, and ultimately lose. He'll pin you down, laughing like an idiot if you even try to tickle him at all. His laugh isn't amazing, that's why he chuckles. He snorts at points, and Leon is pretty self-conscious about it.

Just like with his image about himself. He knows he's pretty, ok? He doesn't want that to be his only thing, though. Getting undermined because you're a pretty boy is tough, and it wears him down. Combat that with noticing something that isn't his eyes, ok? His teeth? His moles? Hands? How he does certain things? How he collects stuff! He'll be ok with you right there, and will be like his rookie self again and again.

!NSFW!

Still emotionally attached to sex. Very emotionally attached to sex. Once in a while you'll see him get all bent out of shape, bending you over his office desk and just go at it. Headlock and all.

Will take the strap, but he needs convincing (it's only a general talk of rules and safe words.) Honestly likes it, likes just being the submissive one. He trusts you to treat him right, and please do. Leon has gone through shit, you can see his mental health declining, and he finds solace sometimes in sex.

Cowgirl kind of man now, wants to hold hands or let you set the pace. Loves to let his hands wander as you get onto riding him. Jokes about you being the cowgirl, and he's just the steed. Might even jokingly wear a cowboy hat. (Take it, iykyk.)

Tug on his hair, he'll moan pitifully. Scratch up his chest and back. Bite at his shoulder to keep quiet. He isn't going to mind anymore, will gladly wear a hickey if he has to. If Hunnigan asks him again one more time why he has a hickey, though… He'll explode from actual embarrassment.

Will suffocate your face if you do suck his dick. Thighs squishing your head and basically breathing in his legs now. He can't help, he's a little sensitive! Don't lick underneath the head, he will literally buck and possibly facefuck you.

Cuddle sex is a must for him, he likes being able to spoon or cuddle with his dick in you! Also, snuggly and his little buddy is warm! It's a win-win for him and you!

Dick size? Probably a 5 1/2 (about 14 centimeters!) inches soft, gets to 7 inches (Almost eighteen centimeters! Basically 17.78 centimeters, so…) PERSONALLY, I feel like Leon tried shaving once before RE2R, cut himself, hated it. Tried again in the RE4R era, and then failed. So, he tries to keep a neat bush, not actual trying to shave all his hair.

-

Welp, now our baby is daddy. He's got a slutty waist, stupid one-liners, dual wields guns, what's next?

Leon is basically a seasoned gentleman now. Offers his jacket or coat more often. Pfft, you want it to yourself? No! You're sharing! Come huddle underneath him as you watch New Year's, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and Thanksgiving! He doesn't care if he looks dumb, you look so cute as a jacket burrito!

Collects DVDs, cassettes, gundam stuff and records! Oh my lord, he has a record player! Slow dances with him! C'mon, it's not stupid, just wait till you're in his arms. Swaying around like dumbasses. Dopey smiles on your face.

Dates this time around are still like RE4R, but local restaurants. Tries to not drink in front of you because of it feels weird. Might get a small shot of whiskey, but that's all.

Pretty stressed with work, he has papers, training rookies, missions, many things. Enjoys if you rake your fingers through his hair, massage his shoulders, get him a snack or drink. Appreciates the small things while he's alive. He might not get them in mere days, he might be dead.

Cuddles with him are nice, your head in his neck, his hand stroking your back. With a movie in the back? Yeah, perfect way to end the day for him.

Will train you of self-defense, because he's gone more often. He sees the president now, he's under the president's order now. Teaches you knife skills, how to shoot a gun, and even make you do a little yoga to be loose. Let's admit it, he'll press against you with a boner. He would, don't lie.

Now he's a mechanic! He'll literally tinker with his motorcycle when he's at home, and his car. Can I just say he's an ok driver? We know he crashes, but he's ok when it's not on a mission. Purposefully speeds up a bit to play around with you, please tell him to stop, he'll do it almost every single time…

Motorcycle rides!!! He wants you to know what it's like to at least be on a motorcycle. His heart will melt if you stick little stickers on his helmet. Doesn't care if he gets laughed at work for it. He's gonna keep those stickers.

Has little idle or casual games on his phone to pass the time. Things like Piano Tiles, Dune, etc. If he isn't playing it, he's probably texting you. Texts in emojis, and sometimes it makes you question if he's ok…

Setbacks? Honestly, there's a lot… He's depressed, we all know he is. Damnation — Vendetta feels like the most saddening for me. RE6 is the center of the storm, the eye. He can be… Drunk. Very drunk, at points. Meaning, he gets irrational, as we see in Vendetta. He cries himself to sleep, he wakes up from nightmares. Leon has a lot happen to him, and it clearly shows. Tense, stressed, tired, and emotional at points.

!NSFW!

Leon is a bit… Lazy. Yeah, I'll say it. He has his spurs of horny energy, but lazy… He wants you to ride him. Let him somno you, or you somno him!

Waking up with your mouth on his cock, grumbling at how you're a good girl for daddy. His hands in your hair as you suck on him like a lollipop. If he even gets a call during it? Shoves your head down on his cock and listens to Hunnigan or whoever on the other side.

Loves to make you wake up with his cock in you, and head buried in your neck. Lazily thrusting or cock warming himself. Murmurs good morning and kisses your neck.

Oh my stars, HE'S SO HORNY WHEN DRUNK? LIKE, OK, Emotional and aggressive drunk Leon who apologizes? But there's another drunk Leon that's HORNY? Dead, my ass is out, and I'm looking over my shoulder at him. I'm not sorry for it.

He'll get on top of you when you sleep and go at it. Whining as you squeeze around his softened dick. And if he cums inside it and it leaks? Slurp, it's gone. Waking up with this idiot in-between in your legs. Pussy juice all over his face.

Daddy kink is, to an extreme, will bend you over the kitchen counter and make you suck his fingers. Have a casual conversation with him, ask “How's your day, daddy?”, did he just cum inside you? He's sorry. (not)

Dick size? Basically the same with RE4R. The bush is still trimmed, and doesn't match the carpet! The drapes are darker!

-

Well, I don't exactly have any stupid or a silly thing to say, cause Vendetta Leon is pretty serious. He isn't fooling around, and I don't see him as moving from partner to partner. Leon is honestly a pretty loyal guy, even if I said otherwise in another head canon. Honestly, they change constantly, so don't take my word for everything.

The only thing I ask you think about is that he is at his lowest low in Resident Evil during this moment. So, we'll try to treat this part 'realistically'. (' ' because I personally haven't dealt with something similar to this, but I'd like to try to be semi-realistic with him.)

Leon's something else in this era, compared to his past ones. It's like he's shut himself off from everything and almost everyone. Even if you started dating him now, or before this era, you're still getting cut off to certain degrees.

Still tries to show he cares, it's not easy. He's confused, deep in his thoughts, and honestly suffering. Alcohol dulls his mind and senses, and it helps him shine through.

Leon wouldn't hurt you, nor even try to lay a hand on you. He can't, he will scream, cry, get frustrated, but hitting is a part he will never EVER do. That'll just hurt his soul more and more. Sex is one thing of love, but he can't hurt you through anger. He can't even squeeze your neck harshly, even if you beg the poor man too.

SNAPPY! So snappy, he will literally chew you out affectionately if you cut something wrong, or hurt yourself! You tripped!? Damn your feet for making you do that! You cut your finger making lunch? Move aside, he’s an expert in cutting. Period? Ok, he isn’t going to be an ass for that. He’ll go out and get anything you want, don’t worry.

Dates with him are more lax, even compared to someone like RE4R Leon, or RE6. He doesn't care enough to just… prepare for a date. It's really hard to explain, because honestly I'm dumb, ok? But sometimes things like these, all he wants is someone he trusts and loves beside him. Your presence is enough, even if you want a date. If you beg hard enough, sure, Uber Eats date. That's what you'll get, or even motorcycle rides.

He still wants you to feel a motorcycle ride, deep down. It's fun, but he's making you wear a helmet. Will joke about you spilling like an egg. If you're scared, that's ok! He gets scared and just acts on adrenaline/instinct!

Wants naps with you, just fall asleep with him. He’ll sleep better with you beside him. Someone to hold and love. Squeezing you gently, hand holding yours, nose buried in your hair. He does a little sniff here and there, your scent brings him home.

Please sit beside him on the floor or couch when he wakes up with a nightmare. Lean your head on his shoulder, just be there for him. Let him know it’s ok and that you’re here. Even if he woke up drunk with a headache, wants to scream, you’re his comfort. Don’t betray his trust, it’s not that easy to truly gain.

Collecting still happens, somewhat. Slowing down because he can’t bother to just enjoy a hobby. There are people dying out there, getting slaughtered by someone who hates a government or certain types of people, or something just overly so feeble-minded. Yes, this people are smart, but sometimes their thought process is something else. He can’t deal with the fact he can sit here and kill people, or watch them be killed. That he can sit there, listen to music, or watch TV. Even after the movie, we’ll say between the point of the end of Vendetta and Death Island, he does change. It doesn’t mean he thinks it’s ok.

This change comes with small things:

Leon becomes less drunk, and honestly I would say he would go to therapy. It helps him, and kudos to him. Mega slay, get yourself the help you need.

Maybe even a little more social. Chris really helped, and you did too! He means it when he says he needed someone beside him, even if you’re telling him to get help and constantly fight over his state. He’s thankful for someone worrying about him.

Little gacha machines and trinkets for his gun, he collects guns and gundams. I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna say it… Gundam COLLECTOR. Period. We all know he probably likes doing stuff with his hands. (That isn’t fingering you-) Cleaning guns, fixing motorcycles, THINGS!!!

Gets honestly a little happy every time you send him a text, or put something stupid on his gun or his daily life things. Face, motorcycle, helmet, gun, even his knife. Likes seeing you giggle and happy in general, this goes for any damn Leon. I love the small things, and I don't care what anyone else SAYS.

!NSFW!

Drunk and lazy sex, still!!! Somno!! Let him wake you up to him being a pussy munch, please! He gets so happy when he sees you wake up and then blush. Just jokes on being hungry for breakfast, and then just starts eating there again! Like, warn me? He isn’t, he does it twice a week. (We like it, Leon, you sweetheart.)

When he starts feeling better, he’s gonna get a little frisky. Might choke you a little, but you gotta still talk with him about everything. He isn’t an asshole, nor does he honestly want to be.

The idea of a vibrator inside you at a store? He’s flicking it up and down, they’ll just think he’s a good boyfriend! Little did they know, you just squirt in your panties. Kisses your whimpers and moans away, can’t let anyone know, can we?

Likes you making marks on him! It’s hot to him, why are you so embarrassed? Who’s gonna ask why the hell there’s a hickey on his neck? Or a slap mark on his ass? C’mon, live a little! Only one life, and he wants to live it now! So, MARK HIM! 

Still takes the strap, do it when he’s drunk. He starts whining, might even start fucking himself onto the strap. You’re just trying to worry because he starts going so fast, and he’s just screaming. Yikes, you might get a noise complainant because of him. Cums so fast when he’s drunk and riding you, sweet baby boy, it’s ok…

His drapes are kind of unruly, honestly. Please, break into his room and trim them, man… Unless you like that. The carpets and drapes basically match.

-

You love to rush him, don't you? Either or not you stayed with him from RE2R, got him during RE6 or Vendetta, or just randomly coming onto his radar. He's feeling better, and he's kicking ass while doing it.

Dates with him are honestly gonna be pretty normal. Now he's doing restaurants, but not overly fancy. That's for a wedding, or a baby. Local restaurants, staying home watching movies, walks in the park, or even workout dates. Are those even a thing? Now they are.

He's gonna coach you if you ever do do workouts. Will one up you, and wants you to do it back. Make him eat his words, that's the fun in it! Get the blood and competition going! At least sit with him when he works out, or when does yoga? Lay underneath him when he does push-ups. Give him smooches, he lives for them. Hold down his feet when he does sit-ups. Kiss him when he comes up!

Sleep in on work with him, don't worry, he can get away with it… Usually. Play with his hair, kiss his cheek, hug his torso, he's falling asleep. Old man hugs you tightly against him, and you're both passing out. Only waking up when Hunnigan is calling him repeatedly for a mission.

Really clingy for a boyfriend. Like, I get he's a clingy middle-aged man. But he wants to hold you every single second. Arm around your waist, kissing your hand, squeezing your hip. Don't run! He's trained! You got three seconds to come back before he chases you down!

Wants to see you wear his clothes. His leather jacket!? You slept with it? Will sneak a picture of it, and accidentally leave his flash on. Frantically apologizes as he woke you up, and then sneaks off somehow. He's got to remember to turn that damned flash off…

Try sweets with him! All Leons have a sweet tooth, but especially RE2R and DI! Here, have you tried this? Or this? O-Or th— OH I'M SO SORRY! You just have to stand there with either so many flavors or tastes in your mouth. He just got excited! Here, do it back to him!

Slow dancing at anytime with him. Let him spin you around slowly and just be there with you. He isn't amazing, but he loves feeling you there with him.

Debate about Disney movies with him, he'll actually debate back. He's got all the movies on VHS, DVD, and of course he has them on Disney+! He ain't selling 'em when he's old and wrinkly! He won't let you take them!

Matching jackets with him, or shirts! He takes so many photos! Leon can't help it, the last one didn't capture your essence!

Still uses emojis like an idiot. And sends selfies of him mid-battle or coming back on heli/plane. Leaves cute voice messages! Don't make him speak in a cutesy voice, he'll fail miserably.

Wrestling is a must, he gets into it sometimes. He's pretty gentle, honestly. Why struggle in his big manly arms? Don't leave him! See, he's crying! You made poor old man Leon cry!

Relaxed motorcycle rides, hold on to him tight! He drives recklessly, but trust his skill! You're in good hands.

Actually, hold that thought… Leon loves hands. Shave his stubble, squeeze his arm, do many dirty things or wholesome things to him. Like, he's honestly so soft.

Setbacks? Honestly, it's a mix of RE4R and RE6. Cries himself to sleep. Wants you with him when it does happen. Tries to use what he was taught, and sometimes it does and doesn't work. So, man does drink the pain away at points. It isn't as bad as Vendetta, but the pain isn't over. Sadly, he's forced himself to get used to it. The bad guys always pop up, and he doesn't even know if younger people can handle them. The burdens of being the president's lapdog are stressful. Let's remember one key thing, Leon didn't even willingly become his lapdog. Like, period. LET HIM LIVE HIS LIFE WITH YOU!!

!NSFW!

You can't say it hasn't crossed Leons mind to have motorcycle sex! Dude, he will tease you on his bike. Cup your mound and slip his fingers to your folds. Fucks you on that bike hard, it's such a turn-on for him at this point. He can't deny it, every single Leon can't deny it. (RE6 — DI) Always gets away with it, somehow.

Wearing lingerie for him? Lace… He will drop to his knees and put his head on your thigh. Blue eyes pleading you let him fuck you. You're so beautiful!

You'll look so much more beautiful with his cum on your body! Let him jerk-off and cum on you! Your face, pussy, stomach, chest, thighs… Did he get hard again? He snaps so many pictures and gets them done. Possibly even a Polaroid, gotta keep some encouragement in his wallet.

BOOBSSS! He can't help but love your boobs so much. Like in RE2R, he wants to hold them. Do a little sucking on them, kiss your nipples, and titty fucking? Let him shove his dick between those breasts and go hammer at it.

Thighs as well? THIGH FUCKING!! Paint those pretty thighs in white, cause he ain't holding back!

Shower sex? Mmmmm, cutely wash each other than washing the sex off AS you have sex? Complain when the water starts getting cold, he's gonna be a little shit and spray cold water on your pussy. Do it back at him, he'll scream like a girl!

Will make you apologize for that by making you give his balls some loving? Oh, you don't want hair with your food? Shut up, you don't have to pay anything! It's SEASONING! Will literally have one hand pushing you into his balls to suck on, while playing some stupid game on his phone or texting Hunnigan.

Teasing texts + selfies. Leon levels up in that stuff, omg. He sucks in RE2R, but he's getting pretty ok at it! Teases you with a bulge pic if he can. Or shirtless pics? Spits out his drink when he gets to see pretty breasts or your cute little pussy. Furiously texts back saying “MORE” (Then adds “pls and ty :)”)

Drapes are slightly darker, and back to being trimmed! Balls are a little bigger because I said so.

Just wanted to add a little something at the bottom... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FIFTY FOLLOWERS! I'm so surprised I got there within a week! Y'all are so sweet! And thanks to all the people who've been so nice to me too :(( I hope I can soon be up to good expectations!

[witchofthesouls]

I rarely see any TFP Soundwave love here, let’s fix that shall we?

TFP Soundwave developing an obsession for the Autobots new human, a girl with hacking abilities so good she has best Soundwave at his own game of my than one occasion, is unable to read her mind despite him being telepathic, and has saved and cared from Laserbeak due to outside forces without the Autobots knowing.

*Soundwave, tilting his head to the side with a question mark popping up on his visor: “Query: (Y/N); prime mommy material?”

Cause let’s me honest, you’d get the hots too if a chick smaller and daintier than you kicked your ass on more than one occasion and cared for your kid despite being enemies.

(In total agreement. I love me some TFP!SW and this is most likely a slight crossover with Elsewhere University or a Magic!AU since you earned a boon to shield yourself from mental abilities.)

You’re difficult to locate and it’s galling. 

Unlike the other Autobot pets, taken and secluded away by their guards and shielded base, you actually have a life outside of them, and it seems that you have no set ‘bot for some meager protection.

Instead of an easy target to snatch away -so eye-catching with that ridiculously bright-green hoodie with flopping audials- Soundwave digs and digs and digs for your whereabouts…

And you’re not there. The most he could find was your birth records, a few newspaper scans of the sparkling-equivalent of basic education, and then you drop from the face of the planet after high school. You reappear after five years and hop across the world with no rhyme or rhythm and at an impossible speed with the current technology on Earth.

Annoyance turns into begrudging respect for your efficient work. You have a talent for finding even the most inconsequential recordings of their presence and you cleanly wipe away the evidence.

If anything you do break the monotony of his work, especially with the little notes of “Better luck next time, Slenderman” or sad cat memes replacing the conspiracy posts of Cybertronian presence on Earth…

And then, Laserbeak completely disappears for a week without a hint of her status. No activity. No locator. Not even a life signal.

Soundwave searched everywhere. Remaining at the consoles, letting the massive amount of data flow into his systems, and refining his queries. When that amounted to nothing, he locked his hydraulics and set himself into the Nemesis itself, supplying his frame from the ship’s flow, overriding his own filtration because needed its power. He has to know. There must be absolute proof. He cannot stare into the ceiling of an empty room and do nothing but scramble after hope-

When Laserbeak suddenly reappeared, Soundwave disconnected from the warship and checked himself into Knock Out’s care, dismissing the accumulated complaints because he still had done all the necessary work and more during his locked state.

He weighed the necessary systems flush for the accumulated slag and joint stress as an acceptable tradeoff.

“Aren’t you a lucky girl? Count your stars that I do actually have standards, pretty bird.” In the memory loop, he feels the ghost of your touch, gentle and searching as you repair the damaged circuitry and clamp the sparking wires. A gloved hand resting upon the still wing and he can feel the phantom of your own biochemistry. Unique in its chaotic not-patterns and near-repetitive beats that clash and reform and clash again.

And you were right. Laserbeak was truly lucky that the shot didn’t stray to the left and the compromised seams. Otherwise, she would be gone as well. Laserbeak pings her active status over the bond as if she’s not currently docked on him.

“Sorry, birdy, you gotta stay like this.” Beneath the tease, there are apologetic notes as you keep Laserbeak immobilized by unknown means. In an off-placed mirror, he sees the outline of dark goggles and a facemask underneath that absurd hoodie, the screens of monitors, a toolbox, and, of all the things, Energon crystals.

“And tell your master that there’s no point coming here. I’ll be long gone and elsewhere.” 

Something in your tone spoke of a private inside joke.

And true to your word, the suburban dwelling used to treat her is completely empty. It stands empty and unoccupied and without a trace of your once presence. Not even the security cameras, both public and private, could find one hint of a person living there. Only the vehicle with darkly-tinted windows drove and entered the garage, the doors closed without anyone stepping out.

And you purposely leave that hint.

That car -the very one used to transport Laserbeak -was found abandoned and hollowed out by fire, erasing physical evidence of yourself and her.

:: ‘Tor. I like that one. :: Laserbeak hums with a pulse of warmth. Not quite affection, but close enough.

His lips twitch to a near smile beneath the visor as it traces the digital records of the license plate. It leads to a second-hand purchase by a dead human. 

He’s starting to like you, too.

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

If you do Toji, I beg for some toji chubby chaser headcanons. I'm STARVING here😥

*dusts off shoulders and rolls up sleeves* alrighty, let's get to work

Tbh i lowkey don't like Toji's personality but i tried my best to make some general headcanons for you babe 🤧💕

CW: chubby fem reader, smut, not beta read bc im just a lil worm and i dont do that skskksks

Ok let's one thing straight

Mans is the biggest chubby chaser on the planet sksksk

He loves some extra cushion to grab onto so if you're curvy/plump/fat/whatever you wanna call yourself, he is THERE, he's right next to you asking for your number sksksk

Like if you've got a curvy milf bod, he's already looming over you and callin you mommy which? um? Hello? Police??

No but he loves thicc girls with his whole heart

There's so much to squeeze and grab and you best believe he's pawing at every inch of you like he's about to fall off a ledge and he's holding on for dear life

You're gonna be COVERED in marks babe, im sorry if you have somewhere to be, your best bet is to just cover yourself up

He is absolutely RUTHLESS in bed good LORD

He's gonna beat your pussy up so bad that they'll need dental records to identify her

I'm talking slapping, biting, smacking, gripping you so hard you get BRUISES jesus christ dude, if you don't chill out imma have you arrested for domestic violence i swear—

He rarely has soft moments

He's probably a fuck buddy at most bc let's be honest this man is not built for a relationship

It's not you babe! He's just trash sksksk please do not let him be any more than that bc he is gonna leave and break your heart and come back three months later to fuck and raid your fridge alexa play aint shit by doja cat sksksk

But by all means, keep him around for a good time every now and then bc you deserve to get your back blown out 😌

ANYWAYS

He's v good in bed and he's cocky about it too

He's way too good for a crusty nobody like him 😤

He finds your clit v easily and just plays with you until you're begging for his dick

And even then he doesn't give you want you want, he's a MENACE

Wants that pretty chubby pussy to squirt all over him before he fucks your brains out

He's obsessed with watching his dick push past your plump lips and slip into that ushy gushy pussy that he loves oh so much

He's got one hand on your chub at all times

Could be titty, ass, love handle, belly: he's just gotta hold onto you while he rails that pretty pussy

Likes pressing down on your belly and saying "im right here, baby. Ya feel me?"

Fav position: mating press are yall really fuckin surprised sksksks

Cmonnnnn, just let him push your knees up to your shoulders

He just wants to see your chubby bits fold up, your pretty plump pussy soaked and twitching helplessly :(

He's not gonna use a condom, don't even try to convince him bc he refuses

He wants to stuff you so full of cum that he can't fit his cock inside anymore 🤧

He mayyyyyyyy have a breeding kink sksksk like he loves creampies, the baby's just an epilogue

Shit, you already look like a milf, might as well give ya a baby pls don't have a baby with this man, take your birth control

Stretch marks make him hard sksksk

He sees those sexy tiger stripes and he's ready to risk it all

Tosses you over his shoulder way too often sksksk

Like "ayyyyyy babayyy, wanna see how strong i am? Ayee, want me to hold you up while we fuck? No? Too bad"

He's annoying and selfish most of the time but he's actually a pretty decent cook and makes you something most of the time before he dips

He acts like he doesn't care most of the time, but he still makes sure that you're alright after yall have sex

He'll pick you up if you're too weak to walk and keep you steady in the shower may or may not go another round if you're able to stand on your own

Usually jumps ship when yall are done fuckin, but over time he starts sleeping over, holding onto you tightly for at least a couple hours

He starts coming over to your place not just for sex, but to rest and recuperate, bringing along takeout and some drinks

He even invited you to the races (you said no bc who wants to go watch their fuck buddy lose all their money betting on horses?) which was weird bc he's never invited you anywhere before

He's protective of you too, always questioning who you're texting, mumbling something about how you shouldn't get involved with random guys bc they could be dangerous

You always brushed his actions off as normal "aLpHa MaLe" behavior, but you started questioning his intentions when he started grunting strange phrases during sex

"Look at you, so sweet and precious for me, my good girl"

"You love my dick, dontcha? Best dick you ever had, right? You don't need nobody else when I make you feel this good"

"Fuck, love this hot fat cunt. It's all mine, all mine."

"God, I love your body, you're so fucking good fer me. Fuck, I love you"

You never brought it up afterwards, pretending like you didn't hear anything he said or just didn't care

He's not a perfect man: he's reckless and cruel and selfish, but maybe if he grows up a bit and realigns his morals, you might join him to one of those lil races he's so fond of

[marvelsbetch]

Peter Parker’s teddy bear

"Come on Pete, go to sleep for me." Tony almost begged the crying baby in his arms.

His only response was the continuation of his sons loud cries. Tony continued to rock the 3 month old in an attempt to get him to sleep. After 20 minutes and the beginning of the sun rise Tony has given up all hope of sleep himself, not uncommon.

"Pete please, I now colds aren't fun but you've gotta work with me here." Tony tried to reason getting a response of a second of silence before the crying commenced again.

Suddenly, an idea popped into Tony's head and he found himself walking back into his room. After a minute or two of looking he finally found what he was looking for.

"Here Pete. This is my good buddy Captain America. He's a hero like me, I'm better though, and he's gonna protect you. He's gonna protect you from all the monsters and cold out there. Only thing is, you've gotta keep his secret identity. Can you do that for him Pete?" Tony rhetorically asker before placing the Captain America plushie in the babies grasp. In return Baby Peter held the plushie as tight as he could and finally closed his eyes for sleep.

After a minute Tony deemed it safe to place the baby back into his crib holding the plushie right to his chest. Tony took one last look at his son before smiling like the Cheshire Cat and retreating back to his own room.

-3 years later-

A young Peter Stark ran around the main seating area of Stark Tower when he hit something hard. He looked up and saw his uncle Steve and his dad stood  of him.

"Cap'ain 'merica!" Peter squealed and hugged the mans legs.

"Hey Pete. Did you have fun while we were gone?" Steve asked the small child before picking him up to hug him closer.

"Yeah! Me 'n' mommy played abvengers ! Den we ate ice cream and watched a movie." Peter told him excitedly.

"Hey Petey, can I get some live to?" Tony asked reaching out for his son.

"DADDY!" The small boy yelled before leaping out of His uncles arms and into that of his fathers.

"I think it's your nap time now." Tony spoke running his hands through Peter's untameable hair.

"I don't." Peter spoke back earning a small laugh from Steve.

"Well, it is. Wanna say goodbye to uncle Steve while you sleep?" Tony coaxed.

"I lost my 'eddy. Can't sleep with out Cap'ain 'merica." The boy spoke sadly burying his head in his fathers neck.

"Where did you have it last? We may be able to find it." Steve asked trying to comfort the clearly upset child.

"In bed." The child answered.

Tony and Steve set off for Peter's bedroom in hopes to find the Captain America plushie before it was too late. The last time it was lost nobody, not even the real Captain America, put get Peter to sleep until the plushie was in his arms.

Once the trio arrived at Peter's room Tony placed him on the bed before he and Steve begin the search for the toy. After 30 minutes of searching they couldn't find it. They looked on the bed, under the bed, in the toy box, on the book shelf, in the en-suite and behind the book shelf. Anywhere The you could've been, it wasn't.

Tony looked at the child on the bed and saw tears forming in his eyes. Oh no.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y activate Code red, white and blue." Tony instructed his A.I before picking Peter up again.

"Pete, is there anywhere it could be? Were you playing with it when you played with Mommy?" Steve gently asked the upset child who was clinging onto his fathers blazer lapels.

All he received was a slight shake of the head before the child burst into tears.

Soon all the avengers, who weren't on missions, arrived at Peter's room after hearing the code F.R.I.D.A.Y sent out. The code was created after the last time the plushie was lost and the entire building was swept in an attempt to find it.

"Come on Buddy, we'll find him for you. You want the real Captain America to hold you while you sleep. Then, by the time you've woken up we'll have found him." Tony informed the toddler who only shook his head in return. He was almost at full meltdown.

"Right, battle plan. Tony, you stay in here and continue looking or try and get him to sleep. Me and Sam will search the main living space. Natasha and Clint will search the kitchen. Pepper and Wanda will search outside on the balconies. Bruce and Bucky will search all laundry areas and piles. Got it?" Steve strategised.

"Got it." Everyone responded almost simultaneously.

For the next three hours every Avenger was on the most important missions of their lives: Find Peter Stark's lost Captain America Plushie. Tony had spent the entire time trying to get the exhausted toddler to sleep, he even tried using and Iron Man plushie as a replacement but to no avail. No one, not even his own father, could replace the value of the plushie to little Peter.

The entire tower was searching, including all labs and employee break areas. After five hours of searching the avengers reached the conclusion that the plushie had simply disappeared into thin air. The only question now was, who was going to tell the heart broken and far beyond tired child. After a tournament of rock, paper, scissors the duty landed on Steve. How ironic.

Slowly the super soldier made his way to the source of the cries and screams that haunted the avengers over the past few hours. He entered the room where Peter immediately peeled up in hopes that someone found his precious plushie. His eyes lit up even more when he saw it was Steve but after a few seconds dulled again once he realised the plushie was not in his arms yet. Uncle Steve didn't have it.

"Hey Pete, I'm sorry but we can't find the teddy. We looked everywhere but none of us found it. I'm so sorry buddy." Steve tried to comfort but was only met with wails, screams and cries from the inconsolable child.

"PETER! WE FOUND IT!" They heard a voice yell and was soon met with an out on breath Sam Wilson running into the room with the old Captain America Plushie in his arms.

"Cap'ain 'merica!" Peter yelled with delight as Sam handed the plushie over to the child who fell asleep almost instantly.

"Thank you Sam. His cries were beginning to become unbearable. Where was it?" Tony whispered while slowly placing his child in his bed and tucking him in.

"It was in one of the big pots in the kitchen. Apparently he was playing hide and Seek with Pepper and must've forgot he put it in there." Sam explained in the same hushed voice as the trio left the room and silently shut the door.

It was safe to say that from that day on Peter's new favourite Uncle was Sam. The one who reunited his with his precious Captain America.

[babygirl-diaz]

Samtember 26: Mistaken Identity

1303 Words | Rated G | For @samwilsonfest

Sam looked at himself in the mirror and ran his fingers over his maroon blazer. He looked good if he said so himself. He suddenly heard a low whistle and turned around to find Natasha and Steve standing behind him.

"Lookin' good there, Wilson," said Natasha.

"Yeah, Sam, you're looking great," Steve added awkwardly.

"Thanks," he replied, giving them an appreciative smile. "Figured I might as well go on my date tonight, considering we don't know what tomorrow will bring."

"Oh, you mean breaking into Fort Meade and then taking on Hydra?" Natasha smirked. "Yeah, it's best if you go on this date tonight. It could be your last."

"Tash, come on," Steve chastised his friend.

"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence," Sam scoffed as he walked over to the bed and sat down to wear his shoes.

"Hey, I'm just saying it how it is." Natasha huffed.

Sam heard footsteps, and then the bed dipped him. He looked up to find Steve giving him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry it didn't--"

"--work out between us?" Sam finished his sentence for him. "Come on, Rogers, it was just a one-night stand. We barely even went on a date."

"Yeah, but I don't want that to ruin our friendship, Sam. You mean a lot to me."

"Dude, you're lying low in my apartment. I highly doubt I'd allow that if I had issues with you. So just chill." He patted Steve on the thigh before getting up. "Well, I gotta go. You guys know where the kitchen is, so whip something up for yourselves or just order pizza. Whatever works. If this James turns out to be an asshole, then expect a call from me and a request to save my ass."

Steve looked alarmed at that, so Sam quickly added. "I'm sure he's a great guy."

"You sure you don't want us to come with you?" Steve asked. "You've never even seen this guy."

"That's the whole point of a blind date, Steve," Sam chuckled as he walked out of the room. "And no, I don't need mommy and daddy to chaperone me."

"Mommy and dad-" Steve laughed, lowering his head. "Don't let Nat hear you say that," he added, following Sam out. "Have fun, man. And call us if things go south."

"Yeah, yeah, I will," Sam grinned and shook his head as he headed out of the house.

Before getting into the car, he assessed the parameter, making sure no one was watching them. Certain that the coast was clear, Sam got in and looked at himself in the rearview mirror once before pulling out of the driveway.

It didn't take Sam long to reach the bar where his friend Tessa had set up his blind date with the mysterious James.

"He will be there in a leather jacket and a maroon baseball cap," Tessa had said. Maroon was to be the common identifier between them.

The fact that the guy would pair a leather jacket with a baseball cap did little to raise Sam's confidence in him, but Tessa insisted he was a great guy.

Sam figured they would meet inside, so he made his way into the bar and looked around for James.

He spotted a guy at the bar in a leather jacket and burgundy baseball cap and guessed that must be him, so he made his way over.

"James?" Sam called out when he got close.

The guy seemed to tense briefly. He then slowly turned around and looked at Sam like a spooked cat.

He's actually really good-looking. Was Sam's first thought. Wait. Why is he glaring at me? Was his second thought. He's gonna murder me. Was his third thought.

"Wow, okay, you really don't look like you want to be here," Sam commented as he sat down beside the guy.

James's eyes tracked his every movement from standing to sitting and now Sam was even more certain that he was gonna get murdered.

"Why did you agree to the date, then?" Sam continued to ask. "It's not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to go on this date."

"Do I know you?" James finally spoke up and looked like he was actually trying really hard to recognize Sam.

"I am your date?" Sam replied.

He looked around and wondered if he had this right. There were no other men at the bar in a leather jacket and a maroon baseball cap. And this guy responded to the name James. So it had to be him.

If Sam wasn't a sucker for a pretty face, he would have been out of here like yesterday.

"Listen, if you don't want to go on this date, then that's fine. I won't mind," Sam told him and started to get up when he felt a hand on top of his.

"No! Stay!" James said a little too loud, startling Sam.

Sam sat down and James immediately pulled his hand back. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's okay," Sam replied.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, and what James said next did little to make it better. "James... I know that name."

"Uh... That's your name?" Sam suggested awkwardly.

"You think so?" James looked up at him with hope in those bright blue eyes.

"Yeah?" Sam replied. Unsure of what else to say. He was so confused.

"James," he said the name like he was testing it out, and a smile played along the edges of his lips. "I'm James."

"Uh... you seem like a great guy and all, but I don't think this will work," Sam said as he started getting up from the stool again.

"I've never been on a date before," James said, stopping Sam in his tracks.

"Like never ever?" Sam asked, taking a seat... again.

"No," James replied and looked up at him. "You're my first."

Somehow, that didn't surprise Sam as much as it should have. "Well, lucky me, then."

"What do you do on a date?" James continued to ask.

"You talk... get to know the person..." Sam replied with a shrug.

"What do you want to know about me?" James asked.

"So much." The words were out of Sam's mouth before he could stop himself. "I mean... okay, let's start simple... What do you like to do in your spare time?"

"Sleep," James answered, sending a smirk in Sam's direction.

"Hey, we have something in common." Sam started to relax a little.

"If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you go?" James asked.

"Hm... that's a hard one. I like my hometown, Delacroix, Louisiana quite a lot. Actually."

"I've never been there." James looked disappointed.

"Maybe one day you will?" Sam suggested.

"I hope not," James said under his breath, but Sam heard him anyway and frowned.

"What do you--"

"Sam?" Someone called out.

Sam turned around to find a man in a leather jacket and a maroon cap standing next to him, giving him a bright smile.

"What--" Sam looked between James and the unfamiliar man.

"Winter, what the hell are you doing here?" Another man appeared next to James and tried pulling him off the stool.

"Hey!" Sam tried to step in, but the man beside him stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Come on, we should go," he said.

"I don't even know you," Sam replied, pulling his arm out of the guy's grip.

"I'm James. The guy you're supposed to be on a date with?"

"But then whose-" Sam turned to point at the James he had been talking to but found the seat empty.

"James" 1.0 was now following someone out of the bar, but he turned around to give Sam a sad little wave before they both disappeared.

Sam had no idea what had just happened.

[ushiwakaout]

Lead Singer! Tamaki Amajiki with tattoo artist & lead guitarist S/O || MHA

Genre: Rock Star AU || Fluff || Self-Indulgent angst ||

⚠️ Warnings: Drug Use || Nsfw || Orgy || Mommy kink? ||

Words: 2k+

A/N: very self indulgent bc i love rockstar aus i’ve never seen one of tamaki so here it is! 

Gender Neutral Reader

Dude, don’t even get me started

HE SINGS LIKE JESSE THE GUY WHO SING SWEATHER WEATHER AND DADDY ISSUES

Can you imagine his singing devils advocate, holy shit he’d look so good MA’AM PLEASE

YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT HE WOULDN’T DRESS LIKE HARRY STYLES 

He’s still shy and still has stage fright the first few times but your his lead guitar player (dated before the band was together)

Mirio is on the drums while Nejire is the bass player

It’s so hard not to pounce on him once he gets into his music like wow 

ESPECIALLY IF HE SUNG DEVILS ADVOCATE

You guys wear a matching matte black rings and people assume you’re married, y’all never say no so you’re gonna let people assume bc you’re fine with it.

You used to be a tattoo artist so many tattoos Tamaki has or will have, it’s done by you, he won’t want 

After every set he’ll either kiss you or your hand, it just depends if you go straight into the next set or not

He sings pretty boy dedicated to you bc if it where all to end, he’d be okay if it was by your side

The fans either ship you or they don’t 

It’s a little hard thinking that people don’t think you’re a good match but Tamaki always says that you’re his angel and he’d never fall in love with anyone else bc you’re his soulmate 

Some fans ship him with mirio and they both think its funny bc they’ve been best friends since they where kids so they don’t have a problem

But Tamaki does not, DOES NOT like it when they ship him with Nejire. Not that he doesn’t like her bc she, along with mirio, got him out of his comfort zone a lot (in a good way). 

He sees the way you’re smile fades when you see a post about their ship, people saying that they look good and all. It’s gotten to a point of wanting to break up with Tamaki just to make a handfull of fans happy

You’d do anything for his music to rise up the ranks, even if it meant losing your relationship

You’ve gone to mirio sobbing about this, it kinda hurt Tamaki that you didn’t go to him but you just couldn’t face him without the reminder of those stupid post

There was one day where a post said “look at the way he looks at her, he looks at her like he’s in love with her.” You looked at the picture for a long time and didn’t even realize the water works

You didn’t really mention it to anybody but when tamaki sang pretty boy, everyone could tell that it had a different feel to it

the set was over and before tamaki could look at you, you had already gone off the stage and ran towards the back locking yourself into the bathroom and kinda just letting it all out

god you hated this feeling, the ache in your chest 

Tamaki basically broke into the bathroom and froze when he saw you crying. He was so worry and so angry at the same time.

You both ended up crying on the bathroom floor together proclaiming your love for each other in such a snotty mess that it ended in laughter.

After that incident there was a long thread tweet of Tamaki explaining politely why he doesn’t like when people ship him with someone else other than his s/o or mirio (bc you don’t mind it either) people could tell that he was angry through the tweet and it was a lil scary bc tamaki DOES NOT GET ANGRY 

anygays- angst is over, sorry very self-indulgent. 

YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS MAN DOESN’T SMOKE DUE TO ANXIETY 

You guys have 21+ concerts bc it’s those type of concerts where u can smoke weed legally and drink

SHOT GUN SMOKE WITH TAMAKI HOT HOT HOT

Tamaki’s a lil high so he does it with mirio too and u end up doing it with nejire (your relationship def gets a lot better after the whole shipping situation bc yall talk about it and nejire ends up outing herself to you guys as a lesbian)

so if you’re a girl, Tamaki will def. tell her to watch herself when it comes to his girl but if you’re a dude- you guys are like oh... cool, good for you.

MMM  tourbus sex

YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT AS A BAND YALL DIDN’T DO SOMETHING TOGETHER

you don’t Nejire anywhere near Tamaki tho, def a small cat fight while it happens 

TAMAKI GOT REALLY JELOUS WHEN MIRIO KISSED YOU OH MAN

Tamaki def fucked you several times while Mirio was listening bc TAMAKI WANTS HIM TOO KNOW WHO YOU BELONG TOO (cannon amajiki is a bottom and probably a pillow prince but fannon tamaki is a switch but in my head in this au TAMAKI IS A HARDCORE TOP)

Several occasions where you have to sit down during concerts bc tamaki ruined you minutes beforehand

FOR A FUCKING FACT yall do it in the dressing room and he just cums inside you and slips you’re underwear back on minutes before set AND U HAVE NO TIME TO CLEAN YOURSELF SO YOU’RE LIKE FUCK

mmm i love me some dom tamaki

Okay lets get to award shows

B E S T D R E S S E D C O U P L E A W A R D 

its something like this:  female / male

if y’all win something tamaki will NOT speak, way too many people are looking at him at the moment and he almost died during the pictures. 

“some many flashing cameras”

holds your hand tighter and y’all ask to get escorted out 

If y’all live together like only you and him, you’re house def is the definition of dark decor

if you guys every do get married, you aren’t getting a live band, everyone thought you did but it turns out it’s you guys in wedding attire- they love it.

Also very small wedding, somehow able to hide it from the pap and its like 50 people or so, mostly friends and like 1/3 family

100% LIKE PEWDIEPIES WEDDING. very very private but very nature/dark decor 

do y’all get wedding tattoos. yes. but not matching, not really.

do y’all tattoo each-other at the wedding... yes.

on your ring finger you have a sun and he has the moon.

you are the light that guides his threw the darkness  and he is your sun, always lighting up your life you know bc the sun lights up the moon

y’all just love eachother sorry

you don’t break up and y’all don’t expect to

BABIES Fem version

do you still play while pregnant yes

are people surprised, yell yeah

you gotta sit down tho bc your feet are killing you 

around the 6 to 9 month mark, the band goes on a break tamaki ends up going solo for a bit during the break and he makes you sing with him AND WOW do you get a larger fanbase bc of it. yes

angelic voice of a pregnant mother

it made tamaki horny, like how the fuck are are you so fucking great at fucking everything please let me fuck you god please

will whine, WILL CALL YOU MOMMY god yes

BABIES Male version.

Yall really wanted to adopt w one baby but the baby you liked had a twin so youre like HOW CAN U TAKE ONE AND NOT THE OTHER

they are twins but ones a boy and one is a girl

god you love them with all your heart

BABIES IN GENERAL (fem version yall have twins too, boy and girl)

they grow up to be band geeks, yall love it but your boy learns piano and the girl ends up playing the guitar (def not the outcome you guys thought it would be but you really dont care)

Let set names Mizuki for a girl, Haru for a boy. (legit beautiful moon and the sun)

Mizuki is very alternative meets fairy academia/ loves plants. probably a baby witch: has the same attitude as Tamaki

Haru is Dark Academia meets city pop / loves record, old gadgets and reading books: very much more like their other parent 

If y’all ever retire to just making music at home the kids are def. gonna take the band name and just put “The new gen” after it. You guys make fun of them for being unoriginal and they get pouty 

but they had you guys crying the first time they got a gig. they both sing, make music like billie and finneas and y’all just so proud. 

when you guys start getting older they will take you to award shows as their date to flex the fact that they are gen celebs who actually made something off of their parent success unlike some people

y’all just flex you’re kid bc they doing so well

just for shits and giggles (kids are like 22 at this point, you guys are like 46) :

Haru would probably get a girl pregnant during a one night stand and end up in a baby daddy situation

Mizuki probably steals Tamakis weeb and smokes it w lavander, you catch her and you’re like.... is it good? mother/father daughter smoke sesh

Haru is like “where’s mom, i need her to run by some notes- are you guys smoking? I’m telling dad.”

“It’s not like you’re dad doesn’t smoke either.” 

Haru and Mizuki are like “WHAT?! SINCE WHEN?!” 

“Since always... how’d you think he got over his stage fright? It’s not like i could go down on you’re dad every time before a concert to lift his nerves.”

Fake gagging from the two kids. 

You guys a def the parents who kinda don’t care about your image but you don’t let your kids go off easy

They are good kids who kept good grades and never got caught while doing trouble- so they are well respected and have liberty to do what they like.

There ends up being an article about your family and the cover is you guys- all of you with your nails painted and eyemakeup

very very controversial interview with strict and non liberals calling you guys bad parents and such

and you guys also talked about the topic about how you cared for your children. explaining that you guys stopped smoking, stopped drinking, kept a healty diet until they where 15. once they became 18 it was a very open enviroment, letting your kids grow the way they want and not suffocating them. not shoving down their beliefs and likes- they grew up the way they wanted to with the care of their parents.

parents kinda hate you ngl, yall too great sksksksk

yall also play the game where they ask you questions and if you don’t answer you have to take a shot

Mizuki: “Oh ew, please don’t answer this question... Have you ever had- *clears throat* have you guys ever had sex while we where in the house

Tamaki gets all red and shoves a shot down your throat and now you don’t get to answer “But I wanted to answer!” Haru is cringing hard and he takes a shot himself “You guys are gross”

Haru asks a question and just HATES IT “Oh god... Okay- Only because I wanna know I’m asking parent number 2 (you’re parent #2) Is the rumor of you guys doing the dirty with your band true. Did you guys have an orgy.”

You start to laugh your ass off but Mizuki and Tamaki are looking at eachother bc they cant believe they’ve done this Haru def is out of his shy bubble and now Mizuki has it

“You want a shot papa?” She asked tamaki, he just nodds and she fills it to the brim, “I think thats enough.” But before he’s able to reach for it, She shoots it down and put another one full for him

“Oh yeah, that’s true. Kinda i guess, it wasn’t really an orgy- It was more like two couples doing it in the same room while doing it but you’re uncle mirio did kiss me.”

Kids: Forever gagging

Tamaki: Forever blushing

You: Ah sweet memories :)

Request are open! You can request anyone from My Hero Academia (low key wont write for tsu or uraraka. Will not write for mineta), Haikyuu, Attack on Titan or Balance Unlimited!

[telli1206]

Wag My Tail

Carlos is drunk and just wants to see some puppies. 

Just a little pseudo-prompt initiated by my teaser for Chapter 7 of The Wedding Date (made by @bunny-lou and @hersilentlanguage).  It’s NOT an extension of the fic, I just used the idea to have some fun, and made it Halloween-themed to get in the holiday mood 🎃😈💀👻

“Eves, I blame you for this.”

Jay wraps his coat a little tighter, hugging it as securely as he can against his body to combat the bitter chill of the night air. He’s now fully regretting letting the girls convince him to wear body paint over a regular dog costume. If he had known they’d be spending half the night walking through the streets, he never would have gone for it.

“What?! What did I do?” She tries to pout pitifully, but her painted on whiskers and pink nose make it look almost comical. Mal is huddled next to her, cuddling against Evie’s side as Evie walks quickly with her phone out in front of her, texting frantically.

“Have you ever seen a vet uniform that tight? That costume you made hugs, like, everything!” Jay shakes his head, picking up his pace. “I should’ve just locked him in our room and kept him there the second I saw him in that fucking thing.” He mutters, shoving his paw-covered hands under his armpits for more warmth.

“Jay, just chill, ok? We all agreed sexy was the point of these costumes, remember?” 

Mal rolls her eyes, pulling on Evie to walk faster as she keeps her eyes glued to her phone.

“I mean, it’s not like cats have hips and boobs like these, do they?” She cups Evie’s chest. The bluenette quirks a little smile as she elbows Mal lightly,  all the while still texting. “And you’d be wearing a fucking shirt, Scooby.” She gestures to Jay, chuckling as he glares back.

“You had your part in this too Mal, don’t even get me started. You never should have given him that many shots. Pup doesn’t say no to you, you know that.”

Mal chuckles, shrugging at Jay. “Doug’s got an eye on him, we’ll get him back.”

-----

He’s ok, he’s in front of me. Outside Auradon City Grille. HURRY.

Doug tucks his phone in his pocket quickly, blowing on his hands and rubbing them for warmth before shoving them back in his pocket. Texting location updates every minute is not helping with body warmth at all.

He’s stil happy he spotted Carlos though, stumbling out the door of the party with some random Tourney player he’s never met. Not that he talks to many of the jocks anyway. But this guy was very tall and broad, skin an even darker bronze than Jay’s, but his long, dark hair was thick and curly. He’s pretty sure it was Moana’s son, but he’s not about to go up and ask a tall, muscular, guy why he was wrapping a tight arm around his friend’s waist and practically helping him walk out the door.

Not without Jay backing him up at least.

Carlos was chattering excitedly, gesturing with one hand while the other was wrapped tightly around the other boy’s, propping himself up as best he could to walk. His words were a slurry mess though, as animated as they were, and his stumbling walk was so bad he was mainly turning his shoes out with every step, so close to twisting his ankles each time it made Doug wince in anticipation.

“Ssssooooo izzz black ‘n’ white?!” Carlos asks the boy, eyes bright and eager. The boy nods, the arm around Carlos’ waist starting to slip lower as they slow their pace.

“Dam-Damaltion? Or maybe, Auzrali-lian She..p...shep...” Carlos stumbles on his letters, pulling back to try to force out the sound. “huh...huh...Shep-huh-erd?” He giggles softly once he’s able to get out all his words.

“Yeah, yeah, the last one! You got it.” The guy nods, smiling as he scoops Carlos in closer. “And he’s adorable, wait till you see! Only a month old.”

Carlos laughs, swatting at the guy’s hand on his waist. “No wayyyy. Thaz too baby! He can’t be away from hizz mamma yet. Izzz gotta be like, 12 weekz, right?” Carlos looks up at him with a droopy-eyed grin.

“Uh, right. You’re right. He’s 12 weeks. Sorry.”

Doug huffs, shaking his head and whipping back out his phone.

Asshole is a liar. No puppy. Groping Carlos. GET HERE NOW.

-----

A tiny gasp slips out as Evie reads her new text, enough to make Mal look over and take a peek. Her eyes widen, and they both look to make sure Jay’s not watching.

“We’re close, right? Mal whispers, as breathy and quietly as she can. Evie just nods, eyes still on Jay as he jogs to the next corner, eyes whipping all around, desperately searching for the missing vet.

“Jay! Left!” Evie shouts, pulling Mal along with her. 

He makes no acknowledgement but follows her instruction, turning to the left down the next street. He immediately spots Doug and breaks into a sprint, grabbing him harshly by the shoulders as soon as he reaches him.

“Where is he?!” He shouts, making Doug flinch at the volume of his voice. He hesitates, then looks to his right. Jay follows his line of sight, instantly spotting the larger boy hugging Carlos as they disappear down the next block over.

“Thanks Doug!” He yells gratefully, pointing as he starts to run. “You’re the best. I owe you!”

Evie squeezes Doug’s shoulder, smiling warmly when she and Mal finally reach him.

“You really are the best, Doug. Thank you for keeping Carlos safe.”

Doug grins back, a light blush tinting his cheeks as both girls continue to smile at him 

“Anytime. Go get your boy!” He waves as the girls start running to catch up to Jay. He shakes his head as he wrings his hands, finally shoving them back into his pockets and sighing as he feels the warmth they so needed.

“But if you don’t start chaining that boy’s ass to Jay whenever you let him drink I fucking swear I’ll do it myself.” Doug mutters to himself as he heads back to his heated dorm room.

Evie hooks Mal’s arm to drag her faster as Mal groans, starting to pant heavily from keeping up with the girl. But Evie is increasingly worried about the potential scene they may walk into if Jay is left to his own devices with the boy that swiped Carlos from the party.

“Tane!”

Thankfully, the girls catch up just in time to see Jay confront his teammate. The boy turns around, trying his best to carefully slide his hand back up to Carlos’ waist so as not to alert Jay to its original position.

“Jay!” Carlos exclaims, his droopy eyes brightening slightly. “Tane got a puppyyyy! We’re gonna go zee it. You shoul’ come!”

He leans forward to slip out of Tane’s grip. The boy tries to curl his arm tighter arond Carlos’ waist, but Jay dips in with a forceful glare. Tane freezes, letting his arm go and dropping Carlos into Jay’s arms. He scoops Carlos up quickly, pressing him firmly against his chest and trying his best not to give an audible sigh of relief.

“He got an Auzzie, Jay! They so pwetty...” Carlos drawls, almost sleepily but with a big smile still curled on his lips. 

Tane nods insistently, “Yep! Exactly. I was just taking Carlos to see him cause he asked. No big deal.”

“Oh really?” Mal quips, loosening her grip on Evie to take a step towards the big, hulking boy. “So tell me then, Tane, how big is your pup going to get?

Mal stands sternly, arms crossed as she stares him down. He pauses, staring back with a blank expression.

Evie steps forward with Mal, putting her hand on the girl’s shoulder as she harshly juts her hip out. “Yeah, Tane, tell us. Your parents would want to know how big of a dog would be in their house, wouldn’t they?” She tips her head to Mal, who returns her knowing look.

Tane sputters indignantly, mirroring Mal’s crossed arms. “Um. Just, like, 25 pounds? My parents didn’t want a big dog.”

Mal smirks, turning to Jay. He grins back, stroking Carlos’ hair calmly as he dips down to the boy’s ear.

“‘Los? How big do Aussies get?”

Carlos hums, leaning into Jay’s soft touch. “Femalezzz...35 to 50 pounds, but the malez range anywhere from 55 to 70.” 

Jay smiles proudly, planting a kiss to the top of Carlos’ head. “That’s my boy. Nothing can stop that beautiful brain.”

Mal turns back to Tane, flashing a wicked grin. “Well T, I think you better run home and have a chat with mommy and daddy. Because that’s not an Aussie at your house.”

Evie smiles, both girls waggling their fingers teasingly at the boy. “Bye T. Get yourself home safe now.”

Tane scoffs, glancing at Carlos. Jay tightens his grip, holding Carlos tightly as he keeps steely eyes on the other boy.

“Whatever,” Tane snarks, rolling his eyes as he starts his walk back. Alone.

Evie’s smile brightens as they see the boy leave. Grabbing Mal’s arm, she turns them around fully to face Jay.

Carlos has flipped himself around in Jay’s arms snuggling against his neck and making Jay giggle quietly. The girls watch, gazing fondly at their freckled boy. 

Evie leans forward, combing her fingers gently through white curls. “Crisis averted,” she whispers, looking around at Jay and Mal’s nods of approval.

Jay drops his body down and quickly hoists Carlos over his shoulder, prompting a sharp yelp from the tipsy boy. Carlos wiggles and whines, but Jay wraps a tight arm around his hips and another across his legs, trying to keep a steady handle on him despite the massive furry paw gloves he’s wearing. He moves to catch up to the girls and start the trek back to the dorms.

“Eves, I hope you learned your lesson,” Jay teases, walking up beside her, trying to blow a loose saggy dog ear away from his face.

Evie just rolls her eyes, giggling a little at the sight of Carlos slung over Jay. 

“Please, Jay. Don’t pretend like you’re not always asking me to make his clothes tighter,” she retorts, waving off Jay’s glare at her response. “Oh stop it, Carlos won’t remember a damn thing tomorrow anyway.”

“I know. And, I know what I told you about his clothes, but maybe not his party stuff? I don’t even know...like, the stuff he gets drunk in.” 

He sighs, looking at the boy who’s somehow managed to pass out with his head hanging down. His face is flushed and red from blood flow, but snores are still escaping his lips.

“I just don’t want anyone touching what’s mine.”

Mal perks a brow at Jay and stops in her tracks. He watches her cautiously as she approaches, suddenly whipping out a hand and slapping Carlos’ ass, hard. The boy wakes with a yelp, squirming and forcing Jay to hold him back down.

Jay glares as Mal barks out a laugh, grabbing her shoulder and turning to shove her back at Evie.

“Stop it Mal, you know what I mean.”

Evie shakes her head disapprovingly at her girlfriend, grabbing her arm and pulling her close as they walk up the steps to the dorm. She pulls off Mal’s cat ears and gives an affectionate nuzzle to her head, prompting Mal to press into Evie and rub on her neck.

“Pup’s going to get an earful in the morning, I swear.” Jay mumbles as Evie helps with his door, opening it and allowing Jay in first. He walks quickly to Carlos’ bed and plops the boy down, pulling the stethoscope off his neck and allowing him to snuggle his face into his pillow as Jay pulls the blankets over him.

“I don’t know why I bring him out sometimes.”

Evie bends over to plant a kiss into Carlos’ curls, pulling off her own cat ears as she casts a disapproving glance at Jay.

“Because you’d be miserable without him, Jay. Your life is no fun without Carlos and you know it.”

He rolls his eyes at Evie, but Mal swats him on the back and scares a yelp out of him.

“You love being that boy’s hero, just admit it. Carlos’ knight in shining armor.” She twists to looks at him, pulling on his floppy dog ear and flipping it back in his face.

“Or shining dog fur, at least.” Mal chuckles.

Jay sighs, staring down at the boy cuddled in bed. He rips off the dog paws and unhooks his furry head and ears, dropping them to the ground and climbing on the bed over Carlos, settling himself under the covers behind him and pulling him close. 

Carlos hums quietly and tilts his head towards Jay, rubbing his nose softly against Jay’s jaw, making him smile wide.

“You’re not wrong, pussy,” he says with a contented sigh. He keeps his eyes closed but smiles, feeling Mal’s own angered eyes boring into him.

“Now scram. My pup’s safe, and you have your other pussy to tend to, don’t you?”

[lillianasrose]

I fucking love you

Mistakes were a common factor in your life. Of course everyone makes mistakes, they’re easy. But this was the worst one ever. The pregnancy test sat on the counter blinking one single word at you, positive. It was one of many laying around in various places. It was one of those fancy electronic ones, the only one you couldn’t brush off as a ‘cheap dollar store stick that got in wrong most of the time.’ There also was the fact of the small baby bump you were sporting. You hadn’t realized until that woman at the gym walked up to you.

“Good for you mommy, keeping fit.” she had touched your stomach and you had almost tripped on the treadmill, “So when’s it due.” you slowed to speed down.

“What?” You had asked. Who the fuck was this lady to randomly walk up to you and touch you.

“Well your baby.” She had laughed, “That’s at least a three month bump.” your heart stopped then at the gym and you looked down at yourself, you hadn’t realized, you were trying so hard to deny it.

“April maybe.” You had gone to the store and bought a pregnancy test, it was the first of several each time you wished the result would change. Adam had been gone for 3 months, it had been three months since that stupid party.

You were drinking of course you were drinking A) it was a party, in your own apartment complex. B) You were sad, Adam was leaving for some unknown amount of time to be in this movie, you had been helping him pack his suitcase. He was your neighbor and your best friend. He could you not miss the perverted goofball?

“Y/N!” Adam called out to you from...somewhere. Speak of the handsome devil, “Squish,” He caught you around the waist bringing you to the stairs, “Shit your drunk. How much did you have?”

“Enough to to not miss you.” You pouted up at him, “You're too tall, I can’t kiss you.” you mumbled

“What was the last of that?” He asked, smiling down at you, trying to hear over the loud music.

“Mhhmm.” Adam hauled you up, wedding style, bringing you up the stairs.

“You have your keys, Squish?” he asked. You shook your head no.

“They’re at your house.” He groaned and kicked the door opposite to your’s open.

“You are going to be the death of me Squis-” And you kissed him, a lot. What started at the door moved to the couch and ended up in his bed. When you woke up the next morning you were in one of his t-shirts, he was missing, the shower was running, and you bolted. You had shut your door when he knocked.

“Squish?” He asked, “You ok?” You were not ok, you had ruined everything. Things were going to be awkward now, you had lost your best friend. “Hey, Y/N, please just talk to me.”

“I’m fine Adam, don’t miss your flight.” You had said through the door.

“I’m not leaving till you come out here and talk to me.” your hands shook as you opened the door, "I'm so sorry." he whispered.

"What are you sorry for? I'm not mad at you, I'm just embarrassed, I came on to you, I took advantage of you."

"I mean i didn't not enjoy it." he laughed. You took in a deep breath of air.

"Still friends?" You asked. He paused and you know he wanted to tell you no. "Best friends?" he nodded, not looking you in the eyes. You had ruined your only friendship.

"I'll be home soon," he promised, "Keep an eye on my place?" he asked. You nodded smiling through your sadness.

"Be safe." you said, hugging him for the last time in a long time.

And Adam left, months later you realized you were pregnant. You were too scared to go to the doctor, you ate healthy, did light exercise, continued working at your job, you almost texted Adam a time or two but always deleted it immediately. Adam was still gone, guess that movie was a big break for him.

"Ah boo ra!" you stopped the stroller coming around to crouch beside it. "Ah boorada!" your seven month old was clapping, he loved going to the park and you enjoyed pushing him along on the running trails.

"What's up baby, hey!" you grabbed his little hand, he was still doing his little chant, "Seth, what's up baby."

"Seth?" A deep voice boomed in front you. You jumped up not recognizing it at first.

"Adam?!" you gasped, "Your back?"

"You had a baby?" he asked back.

"Yeah I did." You nodded.

xXx Adam was shell shocked. They had an amazing night together before he left about a year and a half….

"How old is he?" Adam asked, catching Y/N off guard. He started whimpering and she swiveled quickly to pick him up. She held him with his little head tucked onto her shoulder, patting his back.

"What are you doing, no no no. Oh I know I know sh shh sh, Seth baby it's ok. You're not even crying." She was trying to dig through a bag with one hand and Adam took the baby.

"Hey buddy." he said gently, bouncing him a bit, "Why are you crying?"

"Juju." he whined, "Juju!"

"I got your juju don't worry." she swooped in and Adam grabbed the stroller for her as she settled onto a bench with the baby.

"Y/N, whose baby is that?" Adam asked her. His heart was beating out of his chest, he hadn't seen her in so long and now here she was, just as beautiful as the day he left her behind, holding this cute little dark haired baby with her y/e/c eyes. Both her and the baby, now happily sucking on a bottle, were looking at him with those eyes.

"Well mine of course." she laughed, she was shaking.

"Whose the dad?" He asked. She froze and he knew from that point; him, he was the father. She wouldn't look at him.

"Adam I gotta go." he tried to stop her, "Seth has his seven month appointment, I really have to go but I will see you later when we get home." and she jogged away. Adam wanted to run after her, but had a better idea. Lucile just down the hallway from them always knew everything

xXx "Hey baby Seth." Dr. Luna came through the door, "Hey mommy!" she greeted me with an infectious smile.

"Hi."

"So let's talk about the little star of the show, how's he doing?" There was a knock on the door and one of the nurses came in followed by Adam. Dr. Luna stood to greet him. Seth laughed making grabby motions at Adam from his spot lying on the table. "You must be dad!" She smiled widely. Adam nodded coming to sit in the chair on the other side of Seth.

"Seth is doing really well." I answer. A bit nervous that Adam had showed up.

"How is the lactose free formula I recommend?"

"Euuullk!" He shrieked swinging his little arms and kicking his feet

"He doesn't really like it, but bad taste is better than tummy aches I suppose." I rubbed Seth’s little tummy.

"pffft!" Seth huffed at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. Adam chucked from his seat, “Baa!” Seth rolled onto his tummy staring at Adam.

"Expressive little thing!" Dr. Luna smiled, “Alright so is our little man trying to sit up on his own?”

“Well not really he-” He pulled his little legs under him and sat up clapping at Adam, “Just did for the first time.” Luna gasped,

“Yay baby Seth!!” She cheered, rolling over to play with his little covered foot. He was still clapping at Adam.

“Oo ra oo ra oo raa.”

“He talks quite a lot, he likes to mimic people.” I explained to the doctor, Seth was laughing uncontrollably and I looked over to see Adam playing with him, clapping along.

“Ok, that’s fantastic. Next time I see you, you'll be saying big people's words.”

“He’s getting pretty close, if you tell him something he will remember and come up with his own baby word for it. Cat is caca, dog is doo, plant is plah. Stuff like that.” I heard Adam make an over exaggerated gasp.

“You are so smart buddy!”  

“Exactly right dad, I think we are getting into a higher range of mental development. Does he recognize his own name?” She rolled back over to her computer.

“Seth?” He turned around to face me pointing at Adam.

“Ahra!” He said angrily before turning back around.

“He does!” Luna cheered, “Ok i’m going to go down my check list for the 8 to 9 month range, we may not have to do any more modified appointments. Afraid of strangers?”

“Definitely not.” Adam chimed in, “At least not from what i’ve seen, Y/N?” He asked, looking bashful at me. I smiled at him.

“No, he is very much not afraid of strangers. He’s a bit clingier to people he recognizes though.”

“That kinda checks two boxes, may need to kinda explain to him that strangers can be bad when he’s a bit older. Does he have a favorite toy?”

“It varies from day to day.”

“Alright, does he understand the word ‘no’ ?” Seth took in a deep breath and glared at her, “Chalk that up to a yes and he does not like it.” She said typing into her computer, “Makes lots of sounds, yes. Does he copy sounds and gestures you make?”

“Seth,” Adam called in a sing song way, Adam scrunched up his face funny and Seth copied him before giggling uncontrollably and falling back onto me, Adam lunged out of his seat trying to catch him and it hit the ground with a bang, which set Seth off crying. “I’m sorry I’m sorry!” Adam was chanting over and over. I picked Seth up, falling back hadn’t hurt him, it was just the noise.

“Shh shh, it’s ok.” I was trying to sooth both of the babies in the room, “Here,” I handed him over to Adam as the nurse righted the chair.

“I’m sorry buddy.” he was still saying.

“He’s ok Adam.” I told him gently, “He really doesn’t like loud noises. People talking loudly are ok but things like sirens, banging, construction, fireworks are a no go.” He was still crying and I tugged on Adam’s sleeve until he sat down next to me on the table. I rubbed Seth’s little head, “What are you doing baby, you're not crying you’re not even crying. You wanna come to mommy?” I asked, he huffed and clung on tighter to Adam.

“Oh it’s ok baby Seth I don’t like loud stuff either.” Dr. Luna smiled at me, “He’s obviously pointing at things. Seth,” She called when he was settled down, “Dad do you mind turning him around so I can look at his face?” She asked, Adam turned him and sat him in his lap, “Seth, watch.” She waved the brightly colored pencil then dropped it into her lap, “He’s following stuff with his eyes. If you per say, take something away from him or move something that he might want like a pacifier or a cup, does he come looking for it?”

“Our neighbor's cat will sometimes come in through the fire escape window to hide and Seth never fails to crawl around and track her down.” She cleaned the pencil really well and handed it to him.

“It’s unsharpened don't worry.” She smiled to Adam, “I just want to see how he plays.”

“Ooooo….BLAH!” He threw it away, at the nurse, beating on Adam’s hand on his stomach laughing, “Rada ra ra.” I dug into his baby bag, “Ra da ra.”

“Hey baby here.” I handed over his squishy pineapple.

“OOO-ah!”

“Very good,” Dr. Luna praised as he passed it around and chewed on it, “Passing things smoothly from hand to hand, picking and throwing things fairly well, can he hold onto things with his thumb and index finger, have you started giving him baby cereal.”

“He has an insane hate for baby cereal.” I responded, “But he grabs onto things you hand him fairly well.”

“I know he stands with support and bounces. Can he stand or try to stand on his own?” I shook my head no.

“Not unless he suddenly does it for Da-Adam again.” I smiled awkwardly. I didn’t know if I could call Adam dad, Dr. Luna had done it repeatedly and he hadn’t corrected her yet.

“Oh silly me, I just assumed-”

“I’m the dad.” Adam said quickly, “It’s a bit of an odd situation but I’m the dad.”  

“Oh.” Dr. Luna smiled, “Well I’m delighted someone stepped up, Y/N sure needed someone in her corner after everything.” Adam looked at me, worried.

“I’m fine.” I told him, “We’re fine.” I said rubbing Seth’s head.

“Ok, I am going to go check up on my patient in room B, give you two sometime to get him undressed so we can do the physical check up, and get his shots.” Dr. Luna smiled, I nodded.

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure, I am always happy to see you and Seth in my office at any time.” She patted my knee. Headed to the door. “Oh! I am so sorry I almost forgot to ask if he is still sleeping with his machine? There seemed to be some notes in his chart from a Dr. Lance, there was a problem?” I let out a sigh.

“He developed this sort of hiccup noise but he wasn’t hiccuping, Dr. Lance recommended we take him off the machine and just hook him up to a pulse oximeter, he’s been fine ever since.”

“No more breathing problems?” She asked, smiling wide. I shook my head no,

“No more problems.” I agreed.

“High-five Mama! You are doing great!” She told me, “I’m still going to listen to that lung extra closely but if my hunch is right we might have a complete turn around.” She left and I prepared myself for the questions from Adam.

“Y/N?” He asked, putting his hand on top of mine. “Squish you gotta talk to me, what the fuck happened?”

“Where do I start?” I sighed.

“Well obviosly we had sex and now we have a baby, I’m assuming he is mine.”

“Yes you are the only man I had sex with in the past two years, so most likly he is yours.”

“Why was he breathing funny, what machine and why did he need it?” I shuddered.

“I was almost nine months, I was headed home from the store in a cab when some asshole decided he was tired of waiting and ran the red light slamming into the cab we were in. I woke up in the hospital, no longer pregnant and the nurse ran to get the doctor, they told me that I had pushed the baby out naturally in the ambulance. We were fine except, I hit my head and Seth had a centimeter whole in his lung and some fluid. He was hooked up to a breathing tube when they brought him to me and they were feeding him through a tube. We were at the hospital for two weeks before they sent him home with me, he was on a breathing machine at night with a mask and now we just have a little meter that goes off if his breathing isn’t normal and if it beeps we hook him up to the breathing machine for a while.”

“Please tell me I can go kick that bastard’s ass.” I shook my head at Adam.

“He pulled me out of the car and rode in the ambulance with me, they said he sobbed the entire time in the waiting room, I have no grudge against him.”

“Uh-uh.” I looked down at Seth who dropped his pineapple on the floor, he was pointing at it looking at Adam, “Uh-uh Boo ra.” I laughed.

“I think that’s his name for you. Boo-ra.” Seth agreed clapping

“Boo ra boo ra!” Seth agreed Adam growled, picking Seth up over his head.

“You gotta say Daddy. Come on Dada, Daaadaaa.”

“Doodoo!”

“No not Doodoo, Dada. come on say Dada.” Seth reached down, smushing Adam’s face.

“Mye mye!”  

“Yeah Seth I’m all yours and Mommy’s…” my heart sputtered. Adam was looking at me with his huge brown eyes, “If she’ll have me?” He pouted, sticking his bottom lip out.

“Of course, I’m not gonna shut you out of Seth’s life.” I told him, he put Seth down wrapping his arm around me in a hug and holding onto Seth with the other arm.

“I should've been here.” He said, “I wish you had called me, texted me, something. I would have been here from the start.”  

“After all those crazy ex’s I heard about, How you thought at first somehow Hannah’s-”

“Ahhhht!” He covered Seth’s ears. “Don’t teach Seth satan’s name!”

“-baby was also yours, I couldn’t Adam I was so worried you would reject me, I thought I had already killed our friendship with my stupid crush.”

“Why would you think that?!” He looked taken aback.

“You totally refused to look at me, when I asked if we were still friends!” I gawked at him.

“Squish you little idiot,” He held Seth out in front of me, “You see this cute little shit, this is why I wouldn’t look at you that morning. I didn’t want to be your friend because I wanted the process that made him with you every second of every morning, evening, and night since the moment I first met you.”

“You had a crush on me too?” I asked getting up and laying Seth down to undress him.

“Nope, not a crush, not had. I was about five seconds of watching you dancing with all those guys that night from snatching you up and tying your ass to my bed and never letting you leave. I fucking love you.” I looked up at him.

“You can’t be serious.” I said in disbelief. He covered Seth’s eyes with one hand and snatched me up with the other arm kissing me, hard. He broke away from my lips to trail his mouth up my neck to my ear.

“I’m only stopping because the doctor’s coming back.” He whispered before nipping my ear, and setting me back down flat on my feet. I blushed hard and quickly finished undressing Seth.

“Alright!” She said walking back in, “Dad Im’a need you to hop up so I can measure how much little Seth is growing and we can get our shots.” 

[whumphoarder]

Beanimia

Summary: While Peter is visiting Tony and Morgan at the lake house for a long weekend, the six-year-old manages to accidentally break his nose. Unfortunately, Spider-Man's super-healing decides to go on holiday the same weekend that he does.

Word count: 3,877

Genre: Fluffy illness/injury, whump, hurt/comfort, humor

A/N: Thanks to @xxx-cat-xxx and @sallyidss for beta-reading and to @awesomesockes for plot, summary, and title ideas <3

Link to read on Ao3

“So”—Tony snaps the single use ice pack to activate the chemicals and gives it a few shakes as he moves back over to the kitchen table—“which one of you is going to explain what happened here?”

Morgan shakes her head gravely side to side. “Peter didn’t catch the beans...”

“Well, to be fair,” Peter points out, his voice significantly more nasally than usual due to the wad of paper towels he’s pressing to his heavily bleeding nose, “you didn’t really warn me you were about to chuck a can of beans at my head.”

“But I did!” the six-year-old defends. “I said, ‘I’ll throw down the supplies.’”

“Supplies for what?” Tony questions. He passes Peter the ice pack, earning a grunt of thanks.

“For the mission,” Morgan explains as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “We were playing superheroes and we needed to pack the supplies to take with us ‘cus we had to go fight the bad guys in space.”

“She’d been stockpiling stuff for the last couple days in the treehouse,” Peter goes on, “so she was just tossing everything down for me to put in the bag. Which, y’know, was fine for the stuffed animals and the walkie-talkies and the plastic lightsabers”—he gingerly touches the ice to his nose—“just not for a sixteen-ounce can of refried pintos.”

(Tony winces in sympathy.)

Morgan lets out an exasperated exhale. “Well, we had to bring something to eat—it’s a long way to Pluto.”  

Huffing out a laugh, Tony shakes his head slowly. “I guess it’s hardly Peter’s first experience getting injured before a mission officially even begins...” he muses. He grins at the teenager. “Remember when you tripped off the quinjet ramp and sprained your ankle two minutes after we landed?”

Peter rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed. “That was one time, Mr. Stark.”

“Memorable though,” Tony quips. He gestures to the kid’s messy face and sighs. “Alright, let’s see the damage.”

Reluctantly, Peter pulls the paper towels away and fresh blood starts to trickle down. There’s a cut at the bridge of his nose and it’s rapidly swelling, a dark bruise already starting to form under his eye.

Tony prods carefully at the break, making Peter wince. “Well, it’s definitely broken,” he reports after a moment, “but it seems pretty well-aligned at least. Nothing to reset.”

Peter lets out a short, breathy laugh. “Probably because it was already a little crooked from the last time I broke it. Guess she knocked it back.”

“So… I made it better?” Morgan asks hopefully.

Tony turns in his daughter’s direction. “Oh no, don’t you start thinking you’re off the hook here, Little Miss Budding Plastic Surgeon,” he says, holding up a stern finger. “You still need to be more careful where you’re chucking your beans.”

Peter snorts, then instantly seems to regret that as he groans and adjusts the ice pack on his face.

Morgan’s expression sobers and she drops her gaze down to her feet. “I just thought he would catch it. He always catches stuff when I throw it to him…”

Her comment gives Tony pause. Now that he thinks about it, it’s not the first time since Peter arrived at the lake house for their long weekend that the kid has seemed rather sluggish and off his game. He’d dozed through most of the drive over on Friday afternoon and then slept in until almost noon the next day. Even now, he can see the dark circles under Peter’s eyes and the pallor to his cheeks that can’t be completely explained by his current blood loss.

“It’s okay, Mo,” Peter reassures her with a small smile. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. It’ll be all better by morning, okay?”

Morgan perks up at that, so Tony pushes aside the twinge of worry in his gut. After all, Peter’s been taking seventeen credit hours at MIT this semester, not to mention his Boston vigilante activities and the additional part-time lab assistant gig he’s picked up; that’s enough to make anyone run a little ragged.

“Why don’t you two just watch a movie or something?” Tony suggests. “Give Peter’s nose a little time to sort itself out.”

Morgan and Peter agree, so Tony rustles up some of Peter’s super-strength painkillers and sets the kids up in the living room with some weird movie that Morgan inexplicably loves about a talking parrot whose biggest goal in life is to see the sun rise over the Grand Canyon. Before they even hit the fifteen minute mark, from out of the corner of his eye, Tony sees the ice pack slide down Peter’s face as the boy drifts off.

X

The combination of pain pills and the usual post-injury recovery time knocks Peter out and he sleeps straight through the rest of the movie. He’s still a little groggy and disoriented when Tony wakes him for dinner, but years of mentoring a reckless teenage superhero have taught the man that this is all par for the course.

Given that the pork chops Pepper left for them to reheat (before heading to her sister’s house for the weekend) require a bit more chewing than Peter’s face is up for at the moment, Tony whips the kid up a smoothie to drink instead.

Peter peers warily into the glass Tony hands him, swirling the green contents around. “What’s in here?”

Tony shrugs. “Whatever I found in the fridge. Blueberries, yogurt, scoop of protein powder, a banana, some spinach…”

“Ew, why would you drink spinach?” Morgan interrupts, her nose wrinkling up in disgust. “That’s gross.”

“Says the girl who put mayonnaise on her graham crackers last week,” Tony points out.

“It was good!” she defends.

Peter takes a cautious sip of the drink. He looks contemplative for second, then must have decided that he approves of the flavor because he just shrugs and proceeds to down about half the glass in a few gulps.

Morgan makes a dramatic gagging noise. Tony rolls his eyes and flicks her arm playfully.

“It’s actually really good,” Peter admits, lowering the cup back down. “Been awhile since I’ve had real vegetables.”

“Ugh, lucky,” Morgan groans as Tony adds a few pieces of asparagus to the little girl’s plate. “They’re the worst. Except for artichokes—those are good.”

“You like artichokes?” Peter questions.

“Uh huh.” She grins. “And turnips!”

“Well, Gerald likes turnips,” Tony clarifies, “and Morgan likes feeding them to him.”

This comment inspires Morgan to launch into a long-winded explanation of all the things she’s ever seen Gerald eat—from grass, to broccoli stalks, to a weird-looking bug—and which of those were his favorites. Peter nods along to her rambling, but seems far less engaged than usual and doesn’t even react when she mentions Gerald’s favorite type of cookie is double stuffed Oreo.

(Tony, on the other hand, interrupts at that point with a stern lecture for the six-year-old on what she can and cannot feed the alpaca moving forward.)

Once dinner is over, they all migrate back to the living room. Morgan wants to play Uno, and Peter obliges for a while, but his overall lack of focus persists.

“Peeeterrrr,” Morgan whines for the third time, poking his arm to snap him out of his daze. “It’s your turn again. You gotta draw two.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Peter takes two cards from the deck and adds them to his hand before reaching up to rub tiredly at his temples.

Tony’s brow furrows. “Headache?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Peter admits. “It’s not bad, just like… there.”

“Hm.” Tony nods. Turning to Morgan he says, “What do you say we finish this game up tomorrow?” Morgan’s face screws up and she looks like she’s about to protest before he adds, “Pretty sure there are some fudge-pops left in the freezer. I won’t tell Mommy if you don’t.”

Morgan drops her cards with an excited whoop and jumps up to run to the kitchen.

Tony gets to his feet to follow her. He glances back at Peter, who has sunk into the cushions with a relieved sigh. “Fudge-pop?” he offers.

Peter makes a non-committal noise in his throat. “I dunno. Think I might just head to bed.”

Tony glances at his watch. It’s just shy of eight o’clock—even Morgan doesn’t usually go to bed for another half hour. He knows Peter’s healing always takes a lot out of him, but he’s seen the kid looking less drowsy and out of it after getting slammed into the airport tarmac in Germany and cracking three ribs than he does at the moment. “Think you might be coming down with something?” he asks.

Peter shrugs once more, prompting Tony to press his hand to the kid’s forehead. He definitely isn’t detecting a fever—if anything, Peter’s skin is a little cold.

“What’s not feeling good?” Tony clarifies. “Head? Stomach? Throat?”

Peter hesitates a second. “Just… just my head I guess.” He sighs. “I think I’m just tired. Haven’t really been sleeping that great lately,” he confesses.

Tony’s forehead creases in concern. “Kid, you know May and I talked to you about overloading yourself your first year at school.”

“No, I go to bed,” Peter clarifies, “I just don’t always, like, sleep.”

“Why?” Tony’s frown deepens. “Are you having nightmares, or…?”

“No…” Peter exhales deeply, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not that. I just can’t always, like, settle down? I don’t know—it’s really not that bad,” he quickly backtracks. “I think I just need a good night’s sleep. I’ll be better tomorrow.”

(Like an idiot, Tony believes him.)

“Alright, well, sleep well kid,” he says as Peter shuffles off to the guest room.

X

“Okay, so... this is a little weird,” Peter says as he enters the kitchen the next morning.

Tony glances up and blinks at the sight of Peter’s very swollen and now darkly bruised nose and cheekbone. He sets down the bowl of waffle batter he’s been whisking and moves over to get a closer look.

“What the hell, kid?” Tony mutters under his breath, running his fingertips carefully over the still-clearly-broken bone. “You once healed from a compound fracture overnight.” He pauses a beat. “Of your femur.”

“Eh...” Peter shrugs tiredly. “Super-healing isn’t really a science, is it?”

“Well it’s certainly not an art,” Tony retorts. He gestures to the kid’s nose. “Unless this is your Black-and-Blue Period, Picasso.”

Peter groans, sinking down onto one of the kitchen chairs. “That was almost as painful as my face,” he complains.

It’s clear the kid meant it as a joke, but that admission does nothing to alleviate Tony’s concern. He finds Peter a fresh ice pack and doses him out another painkiller before resuming making breakfast.

Somehow even a second night of sleep doesn’t seem to have restored much of the kid’s energy. Peter sits hunched forward with one elbow on the table to hold the ice to his face and has his phone resting in his lap. He scrolls idly through it, looking like he might nod off any second.

After a few minutes, the backdoor to the kitchen swings open and Morgan re-enters with pieces of hay still stuck to her boots.

“I gave Gerald two turnips,” she announces. “And he hummed at me and then he tried to steal my hat but I got it back ‘cept for the fuzzy thing.” She points at the red knit hat on her head, which is missing a pom-pom.

Tony groans as he ladles more waffle batter onto the iron. “He didn’t swallow it, did he? Because if that vet has to come out here one more time, I swear—”

“Peter!” Morgan blurts, suddenly noticing the boy at the table. He startles and looks up from his lap as the six-year-old runs over to him. “Your face looks so bad!”

Tony clears his throat. “Uh, Morgan, we don’t—”

“So, so, so, so bad,” she emphasizes, as tears well up in her eyes. She throws her arms around his waist. “I’m really r-really sorry!” she cries. “I didn’t m-mean to hit you with the beans!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Mo,” Peter assures, wrapping her in his arms. “It’s gonna heal really soon, okay? I’m a spider, remember? I always heal fast.”

“But sp-spiders don...don’t heal fast!” Morgan sobs into his chest. “You can squish ‘em re-really easy and they d-die if it gets too c-cold or if they get sprayed with bug killing stuff, an-and…”

Peter glances up and shoots his mentor a look of utter helplessness.

In return, Tony shrugs his shoulders in an exaggerated fashion. “Don’t look at me, kid. I’ve been wondering the same thing since we met.”

Still holding the crying child, Peter rolls his eyes at him.

“Kidding, kidding...” Tony says under his breath. He abandons the waffle iron and heads over to gather the sobbing six-year-old up into his arms. “Morgan, sweetheart, listen to me,” he says as he rubs her back gently. “Peter isn’t really a spider, okay? He’s actually more of a mutant.”

(Morgan only cries harder at that.)

Peter huffs out a short laugh and leans back against the chair. “Doing great, Mr. Stark.”

“...And because he’s a mutant,” Tony plows right along, “his DNA is different from ours and that’s why he usually heals freaky fast,” he explains over her tears as she buries her face in his shoulder. “Except it’s just being a little slow today, so we’re gonna just let him rest and eat some good food and that should help fix him up, okay?”

She hiccups a few times. “So he ju...just needs some w-waffles?” she manages to get out.

That jogs Tony’s memory. He spins around to see that the iron is still very much on and the waffle is starting to burn, smoke wafting up around the edges. “Ah shit,” he mutters.

“It’s okay, I got it,” Peter says, pushing himself quickly up from his seat. But the moment he gets to his feet, he staggers sideways and grips the table, his face draining of color.

“Pete?” Tony goes to set the still-sniffling six-year-old back down, but before he’s able to get her feet on the floor, Peter’s knees give out.

Tony curses and shoots a hand out just a second too late as Peter crumples first to his knees and then to the ground, landing directly on his already-injured face.

Morgan’s eyes go wide. “Daddy!” she shrieks.

Tony plops her down abruptly. “Go unplug the waffle maker, okay?” he instructs her as he drops to his knees next to Peter. He figures the last thing they need to add to the chaos is a smoke alarm.

Eyes still locked on the scene before her, Morgan nods and runs over to the counter to unplug the device. Meanwhile, Tony rolls Peter over onto his back and instantly grimaces at the sight. Besides the deathly pallor, the kid’s broken nose is definitely crooked now and fresh blood is streaming down.

“Is he… dead?” Morgan asks, horrified.

“No, no, of course not...” Tony presses two fingers to the pulse point in the boy’s neck, relieved to feel a strong, albeit fast, beat. “He just fainted—he’ll be fine,” he says, shaking the unconscious boy’s shoulder. 

“He looks dead,” Morgan whispers, still staring.

“Yeah, but he’s not,” Tony says firmly. Not wanting the blood to run down Peter’s throat, he continues to roll the kid over until he’s on his side in a sort of modified recovery position. “Pete, c’mon, this isn’t a good look,” he mutters, tapping Peter’s cheek. “We’re all getting enough trauma therapy as it is…”

Finally, the kid’s eyelids start fluttering open. “There you go, that’s it,” Tony praises when Peter blinks up at him. “You back with us yet?”

Peter groans and lets his eyes close again. “Do I ‘ave to be?”

“Yes,” Tony says curtly. He starts shaking Peter’s shoulder again, though gentler now. “I need to know how I’m taking you to Bruce—car or ambulance?”

“Ugh… How ‘bout neither?” Peter mumbles. He lifts a hand up tiredly to wipe a bit of blood off his upper lip. “‘M alright. Just got a lil’ dizzy…”

“Nope.” Worry is quickly taking over Tony, though it comes out in the form of briskness. “You’ve got sixty seconds to get off the floor or I’m choosing for you,” he declares, already pulling out his phone.

Morgan’s voice comes out small and quavering. “Peter...?”

Ultimately, that sound is what it takes to make Peter move. With Tony’s support, he pushes himself up and sits there for a moment, blinking wearily as blood trickles down from his nose. Tony sends Morgan to fetch a box of tissues and a clean shirt for Peter, then loads them both into the car for a little field trip.

X

“Anemia?” Peter repeats, incredulous.

The kid is sitting on an exam table at the SHIELD Medical base, his recently-reset nose now splinted. Meanwhile, Morgan sits in the chair beside Tony, entertaining herself with a handful of wooden tongue depressors and a roll of medical tape.

Bruce adjusts his glasses as he scans the results from Peter’s blood panel on his tablet. “Yeah, that’s what the tests are showing. Basically, it means that your body isn’t getting enough iron to produce hemoglobin, so it can’t carry oxygen effectively. This results in fatigue, lightheadedness, insomnia, headaches, shortness of breath, and—apparently in your case—a reduced healing factor.”

“But how did I get anemia?” Peter balks. “I’m Spider-Man.”

“Well, there are a few possible causes,” Bruce explains, “but based on several nutrient deficiencies I’m seeing in your bloodwork, my best guess is from your diet.”

“Ah.” A look of understanding flickers across Peter’s face for a second. “Yeah, okay, that checks out...” he mumbles.

“Wait, how exactly does that ‘check out’?” Tony asks.

Peter shrugs. “Well, I just… haven’t been eating the best food lately.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Doesn’t MIT’s cafeteria serve a pretty decent spread?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so,” Peter allows. He rubs a hand at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I just haven’t been really… uh, going there?”

Tony blinks at him. “Why the hell not?”

“That’s Mommy’s word,” Morgan pipes up without looking up from the two wooden sticks she’s connecting together with tape.

“I just don’t have a lot of time between my classes and job and stuff, and the cafeteria is all the way across campus,” Peter explains. “So I mostly just eat my own food.”

“Which would be…?” Bruce asks.

Peter hesitates. “Ramen,” he says after a moment. “The chicken flavor one.”

“Hm, okay…” Bruce nods, jotting this down on his tablet. “Not really the most nutritious option, but definitely a college staple. What else?”

Dropping his gaze to his lap, Peter starts picking at a piece of fuzz on his sweatshirt. “Uh… sometimes I get the beef one?”

Tony blinks at him. “Beef ramen?”

“I tried the lime chili shrimp one once. Not a fan.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Tony blinks again. “Peter, I’m paying for you to have three square meals a day at that college—not three styrofoam cups of dehydrated noodles.”

“I also eat granola bars,” Peter says. “And bagels.” He starts ticking foods off on his fingers. “Microwave burritos, yogurt, uh.... those little frozen chicken taquito thingies? But like, only if my roommate isn’t using the freezer for his weird cult ritual stuff. That’s why I usually stick to the soup.”

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose and heaves out a sigh. “Jesus take the wheel…”

“Oh! I had an apple last week!” Peter throws in.

Bruce runs a hand through his own hair, exhaling a carefully measured breath. “Okay, Peter, you know that you have an enhanced metabolism, right? That means you need to eat significantly more food than the average person.”

“Right, and I do!” Peter nods. “I always make sure I get enough calories.”

“And that’s good,” Bruce says, “but you also need to make sure you’re getting enough nutrients. Calories are just a part of that. With your unusual physiology, it’s especially important that you’re getting all the required vitamins and minerals to support the rapid regeneration of your cells, and a diet of cup noodles and bagels—”

“And frozen burritos,” Peter interrupts.

“—is simply not nutritionally dense enough for you,” Bruce finishes. “Not by a long shot.”

There’s a beat.

“Oh.”

“What does ‘nu-tri-tion-al-ly dense’ mean?” Morgan asks. Her tongue depressor creation has folded over itself and vaguely resembles a collapsed bridge now.

“It means Peter needs to eat more vegetables,” Tony butts in. “Just like you and Gerald.”

She sticks out her tongue. “Gross.”

“Alright, we’re gonna start you on some iron supplements,” Bruce addresses Peter. “But it might take a couple weeks to get your levels back up enough to reverse the anemia. I’m also going to give you a list of foods high in iron—things like dark leafy greens, broccoli, dried fruit, nuts, red meat, kidney beans—”

“NO BEANS,” the other three all declare in unison.

X

After hauling the kids back to the lake house, Tony sets Peter and Morgan up on the couch with another movie (Pirates of the Caribbean this time) and heads to the kitchen to fix them all some lunch. Potatoes and turnips are both high in iron, so he cooks and mashes up a big potful with some milk, butter, and salt, figuring that would be easy to chew without hurting the kid’s face too much. He scoops some into a bowl for Peter and then whips up another green smoothie for him to drink, as well as sandwiches for himself and Morgan. Once everything is ready, he piles it all onto a tray and heads back.

As he approaches the living room, Tony can already hear Morgan’s voice floating towards him in the falsetto stage-whisper she always uses when she’s voicing make-believe characters.

“Help me! Help me!” she cries. “Oh no, I’m falling!”

Tony stops in the room’s threshold to watch. The movie is still playing in the background, but neither kid seems to be watching. Instead, Peter is lying on his back on the sofa with his eyes closed, giggling quietly while Morgan kneels on the floor in front of the cushions, dancing a single M&M around the edges of the boy’s open mouth.

Suddenly, she drops the candy into his mouth with a dramatic gasp. “Noooo… the king has fallen into the pit! The anemia monster got him!” she cries.

“The anemia monster?” Tony asks in amusement.

Peter’s eyes snap open. “Uh, we were just playing a game.”

Morgan turns back to look at her dad, grinning. “Chocolate is on the list Uncle Bruce gave him!” she says, waving the piece of paper in Tony’s direction.

“Pretty sure that says dark chocolate,” Tony says, eyes narrowing at them as he crosses the room. “Not leftover M&Ms from the Christmas stash.”

Morgan’s face falls. “Aw…”

Tony sets the tray of food down on the coffee table. “Don't worry, kids,” he says, passing Peter the kale and fruit-rich protein smoothie. “Iron Man to the rescue.”

X

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X

[lunafeather]

2o. Exhausted parent kiss

(I’m sorry for the wall of text, Tumblr was built by morons, and when I edited the post it moved the read more into the ask itself and nothing I do will fix it -_- )

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They’d thought they could handle the Zoo, if they made sure to stick together and stand united against any kid rebellion. They’d made a plan, they’d assigned roles, they’d broken almost every minute down to a specific routine. And, to be fair, the day had started off well enough.

But an hour in and the dominoes started falling, knocking into each other, stacking and stacking until there was utter chaos – Emma’s feet had started hurting, and Beth reminded her that she had chosen these frilly, half-translucent jelly sandals, that she had warned her that they would likely not be comfortable for a day of walking, but Emma had been stubborn and demanding, hands on her hips and heels firmly planted, her chin jutted out and blue eyes steely (Rio had happened catch the expression and had to hide his chuckle; “She definitely got that look from you, mamí,” he murmured to her later, after helping Emma into her booster seat. Beth had not been amused), so she had conceded and informed her that there would be no complaints later if her feet did start to hurt.  Emma’s eyes had sparkled and she’d thrown her arms around Beth’s thighs, smiling sweetly up at her with an equally saccharine, “Thank you, Mommy!”

Danny had started to get overwhelmed, clutching Beth’s hands until it hurt, refusing to let go and melding to her side, ignoring her attempts to distract him with her fingers ruffling through his hair or by excitedly pointing out the animals in their exhibits.

Kenny cycled violently between skulking and thoroughly enjoying himself the entire time, teenage hormones beginning to rear their ugly heads. And then, noticing Danny shyly hanging back, Kenny had launched his attack, mocking Danny for “being a baby”, for “needing his mommy”, for being “a scaredy cat”. Rio had sharply told him to knock it off, leveling him with that Dad glare, mixed with a little Gang Leader for emphasis, and Kenny had backed down – only to slide up into Danny’s space and whisper his insults in his ear.

All of this, of course, led to the finale in their travelling circus – Jane, climbing on top of a fence lining the pathway, her jacket arms tied around her neck so that it billowed out behind her like a cape (Beth had, in this case, put her foot down about Jane’s outfit choices. She had mostly outgrown her capes and her lack of pants, but occasionally she relapsed, especially if an event seemed exciting and ripe for adventure), tipping her head back and screeching, like Tarzan – only filthier – all while Marcus danced around her, hooting and shrieking and egging her on. Rio had swooped in immediately, but he wasn’t fast enough to catch Jane before she took off, taking two big steps along the fence top, losing her balance, and launching herself off in an attempt to save face.

Beth had shrieked as she went down and Rio had yelled, and every eye in a fifty foot radius was trained on them, strangers appalled and worried and annoyed. Marcus retreated to hide behind Beth as Jane inevitably hit the ground too hard, her momentum flinging her forward onto her face. Rio had scooped her up just as she rolled over and burst into gasping, wailing tears.

Kenny had hovered on the edge of the disaster, looking embarrassed.

As Rio carried Jane back to Beth, the Pièce de résistance – Danny had jerked hard on her arm, demanding her attention, but of course Beth had brushed him off, was trying to drop his hand so that she could check Jane for any serious damage, but he had latched on and tugged even harder, desperate for her attention, his voice tight. Beth turned with a sharp what, Danny? On the tip of her tongue when he opened his mouth and puked, the contents of his stomach spilling against her fitted t-shirt and dribbling down her jeans.

Pandemonium, of course, had ensued.

Now, finally pulling up to the house – their trip cut short, for obvious reasons – Beth heaves a long, exhausted sigh. She and Rio had herded their children to the van where they cleaned Danny and Jane up, and then they’d bickered about what to do with the vomit covered clothing. Danny stripped his shirt and settled in the back of the van with Kenny, too embarrassed to complain. Rio insisted Beth wear just her jacket over her bra and that she take off her pants, that the smell would be too much if they didn’t pack the clothes away, but Beth had pushed back – she didn’t have any spare pants. After a heated stare down, they’d compromised: Beth would wear her jacket over her bra, but would leave her jeans on and cover her lap with his jacket to smother the smell. He’d crowded her into the open passenger’s seat, using his body to shield her in the vast zoo parking lot, but immensely enjoying the view. Even weary and frustrated, he had a one track mind. Beth’d rolled her eyes.

She drops heavily out of the passenger seat and helps Rio unbuckle the three youngest from their booster seats in the middle row. Marcus keeps his head down, ashamed and contemplative, scuffing his shoe and meandering to the front door. Emma stares with wide, glassy eyes first at Rio, then Beth, her lower lip sticking out and about to tremble, but Beth cuts that off with a hard head tilt, and sends a now solemn Emma on her way. Jane whimpers pathetically, swipes at her snotty, running nose with the back of her hand, and when Beth reaches for her, she shrinks away, sad little wounded animal noises curling in the back of her throat. Beth opens her mouth to ask her what’s wrong – then snaps it shut, biting her lip as Jane lifts her arms towards Rio, asking him without words to carry her inside. He sweeps her up and settles her on his hip without complaint.

It makes something deep inside Beth clench.

Danny and Kenny get themselves out, and both hurry to the house – Kenny impatient to get on his computer, Danny thoroughly humiliated by his reaction to the crowds and the chaos, and his state of undress. Beth, with no children to transport, retrieves the stuff from the trunk, prepared to soak and wash their soiled clothes. Danny at least lets her press a kiss to his hair and squeeze him against her side as Rio unlocks the door.

“Kenny, upstairs. Got that book report you gotta finish before tomorrow.”

Kenny rolls his eyes at Rio, groans. Ultimately drags his feet up the stairs to his room anyway.

“Honey, why don’t you go upstairs and take a shower before dinner, okay?” Beth grips Danny’s chin between her thumb and index finger, tipping it up so she can meet his eyes.

He looks away, nods, follows his brother.

Emma has already disappeared to her and Jane’s room. Marcus hovers in the foyer and rubs at his arm, too unsure of himself to commit to one direction. Beth ruffles his hair and points him towards the den. “Why don’t you go and pick out a movie for you and Jane to watch, Sweetie?”

He nods, his face lighting up with that charming, sure-to-break-some-hearts smile and dashes off.

Wandering into the living room and then the dining room, grabbing stray, discarded socks and pants and – underwear? Beth wrinkles her nose in disgust – to add to her spontaneous laundry load, she approaches the kitchen, hears Rio murmuring to Jane, “But we gotta be quick, ‘aight? Sneaky. Like a ninja. Can you do that?” She pauses on the other side of the wall, listens as the fridge opens and closes, as cupboards and drawers open and close, as silverware clatters against dishes. Jane giggles and hums, as Rio shushes her. When Beth finally steps into the open, Rio and Jane – sat on the island counter – freeze, spoons in their mouths, bowls filled with ice cream, the carton open and abandoned next to them.

Rio looks at Jane, sighing. “Looks like we got caught red handed, darlin’.”

Jane clutches her bowl closer, growling like a rabid animal. The effect is shattered by her toothy grin suddenly erupting across her battered face.

“I’m gonna go throw all of this in the wash and get changed. Does she need any band aids or anything?”

“Nah, mama, I think she’s good.”

Beth purses her lips. Scrapes and cuts are sprinkled across her baby’s forehead and nose and cheeks, her hands and knees, and okay, maybe they really don’t look too bad, but you can never be sure. She leaves to dump the duffel bag – a purple one, meant for family, not Book Club – in the washing machine, stripping her jeans and jacket off and shoving them in, too, then changes into a pair of comfy leggings and a soft oversized t-shirt that she pulls from the dryer. Then she grabs the first aid kit from the laundry storage and steps back into the kitchen.

When Rio sees the white box in her hands, he scowls at her. Beth shrugs. She is who she is.

He clears their dishes, rinsing them and setting them in the sink, while she methodically cleans and then applies antibiotic cream to Jane’s wounds. She holds out two band aid options for her daughter to choose from.

“Those ones!” Jane points to the creepy crawly themed ones, covered with all sorts of bugs.

Beth laughs, because of course. She carefully presses band aids to Jane’s knees, palms, and wrists, leaving her face bare – the last time she had tried to put a band aid on her face, Jane had screamed bloody murder and thrashed like a fish caught on a hook. Beth had learned her lesson.

“All done!” Beth smiles, replacing her supplies in the first aid kit. She leans to lift Jane into her arms.

“No! Rio!”

Rio catches her eye, nodding. “S’cool, mama, I got her.”

Beth doesn’t know if she should be offended or charmed by Jane’s insistence on her preferred caretaker.

She tucks Jane’s hair behind her ear, the opening theme for Despicable Me starting from where Marcus is huddled on the couch. “Go sit with Marcus and watch the movie, okay?”

Jane nods. Rio kisses Beth’s cheek as he passes.

She decides now is likely the best time to shower, while the house is quiet and before she passes out from exhaustion. When she’s done, she goes upstairs to check on her three oldest, finding Danny drawing on his bed, freshly bathed and already in his jammies; Emma barefoot and dancing, twirling and delicately jumping, singing lightly along to whatever soundtrack she has playing; and Kenny on his computer – slyly trying to minimize some online game as Beth opens his door, pretending he’d been working on his homework all the while, but he chuckles awkwardly, caught, pinned in place by Beth’s disapproving scowl. She sets him straight and returns to the ground floor.

What she stumbles on sends warmth snaking up the back of her neck, across her shoulders, down her spine. Marcus is curled up in the corner of the couch, fast asleep. Rio is on the opposite end, head tipped back and eyes closed, Jane wrapped completely around him like a spider monkey, straddling him with her knees on either side of his hips, arms tucked against his sides, head nestled into his chest as she snores softly. Rio’s hand is pressed to her back, holding her against him. Beth stands on the stairs and gapes, awed and – yep, definitely charmed, not offended by the sight. She tugs her phone from her back pocket, rounding the couch and inching closer in hopes of silently capturing the moment. One, two shots, she’s about to zoom in when –

“Better not be doin’ what I think you’re doin’,” Rio growls.

Beth grins and circles behind the couch. She bends over the back, kissing him on the cheek, rubbing her nose through his beard and burying her face in his neck.

He grunts. “Never doin’ that again.” She figures he means the Zoo.

She giggles against his skin. Kisses the closest wing of the eagle tattoo, scrapes her teeth against the junction of his neck and shoulder.

“Don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish,” he rumbles.

“Sorry,” she says, not sorry at all. He huffs a laugh.

She lifts herself away from him, finding his eyes open and earnest, and that warmth from before swells. She leans down again, brushes her lips against his, smiles when he tilts his head to give her a better angle so it’s not so much an awkward sorta spiderman kiss, and instead a pleasant slightly sideways melding of their mouths. She licks at the seam of his lips until he lets her deepen the kiss, sliding his tongue against hers and groaning. When she bites down hard on his lower lip, he jerks away.

“What’d I tell you?” But he isn’t angry – his voice is rough like sandpaper, making the hair on her neck stand up.

She presses in again, but this kiss is chaste. She burrows again into his neck. “Honestly, that’s all I’ve got in me right now.”

Rio laughs quietly. “Yeah, I feel that.”

Silence falls over them, save for Gru eagerly describing his newest evil invention. Rio turns to inhale the scent of her hair, letting the curls engulf him.

“I’m going to send those to Annie and Ruby.”

He stiffens. “Nuh.”

“Mmhmm. I have to, I have no choice.”

“Elizabeth.”

That night, they’re both too tired to do more than make out a little in bed before passing out.

Rio wakes her in the morning with his hips grinding into her ass and his teeth teasing her pulse point, his energy restored and his appetite thriving. Beth welcomes it, lets it swallow her whole.

————————

Send me a kiss prompt!

(Currently working on: 6, 7, 9, 13, 24, 26, 29, 30)

[ahtohallan-calling]

ducklings // modern au kristanna being parents fluff // 1.3k 

still haven’t written the real followup to love is all around, (aka plane au aka professor!kristoff au) but here’s a ficlet about the baby from the last two drabbles in this verse :’) as before, you don’t need to have read anything else in this verse to know what’s going on :)

Little hands on his shoulder startle him from sleep.

“Papa,” Sofie whispers, “Papa, you gotta help me make the stuff.”

He rolls over and meets wide blue eyes, a rat’s nest of blonde curls, and a grin missing two front teeth. “It’s too early, Ducky, remember we said we’ll let Mommy sleep in?”

“The clock says eight-zero-three.”

He blinks in surprise. “It’s already that late?”

Sofie nods vigorously. “I’ve been up like seven hours already, Papa.”

“Thank you for waiting to get me up,” he says, and slides out of bed. They have been working on that; Anna and he both are night owls, but somehow their daughter is the sort of child who lives for sunrises and early-morning pleas of, “Come play with me and Sven, Papa, pleaaaase.”

(He always gives in, of course; perhaps he’s spoiling her like Anna teases him, but-- well. He’s heard these years when they still want to spend time with you are all too short, and he wants to make the most of them.)

Sofie hands him his glasses from the nightstand, and he ruffles her hair in thanks. They tiptoe together out of the room, closing the door as quietly as they can behind them, leaving Anna still curled under the nest of blankets, snoring softly.

“Are we going to do blueberry pancakes, Papa?” Sofie asks hopefully as they slip into the kitchen.

“Of course. How else can we put the heart on them?” 

He lifts her up and sets her on the counter so she can see what’s going on and help in whatever way she can. She takes after her mother; she shows her affection through action, always looking for ways to make herself useful. At first, he called her his duckling because when she was born it was with a crown of fuzzy, yellow-blond hair, but now she stays Ducky because of the way she toddles around after him, always looking for ways to get involved, like she has since she first learned to walk. 

He sets a bowl beside her and hands her the whisk. "Think you can handle the mixing, skatten min?"

She nods solemnly. That she gets from him, a sense of duty about even the smallest things when it involves her loved ones. He kisses her forehead before pulling out the milk and eggs, and she giggles.

"That tickles, Papa!" she says, patting his unshaven cheeks.

He puts her to work whisking the eggs and milk and oil together while he measures the flour. She wraps her chubby fist around the whisk and attacks the mixture wholeheartedly, the full force of a five-year-old’s latent fury unleashed upon the unwitting liquid, and as she works her tongue pokes out just a bit from the corner of her mouth, another little habit she has inherited-- or perhaps learned; he can never decide which he thinks it is-- from her mother. It still gives him pause sometimes, the wonder of it all, the fact that between the two of them they somehow made this marvelous little creature. Before he had met Anna, he had had the idea that perhaps he was destined to be a lifelong bachelor, had resigned himself to frozen entrees and dodging questions at extended family gatherings, but now he likes to think that a part of him was always meant for this, that his meeting Anna wasn’t some happy accident but a twist of fate that had lain in his path all along. 

Sofie holds up the bowl for his examination; he gives her a nod of approval, and her face lights up. “Can I do the flour, too?” she asks hopefully.

It’s tempting, it really is, when she looks up at him with those Anna-blue eyes, but last time he let her, there had been so many lumps left that even the cat had turned up his nose. It had broken Sofie’s heart, no matter how much he reassured her that it was the sort of mistake anyone could make. “Well, Ducky, I was wondering if actually you might help sort through the blueberries and help pick out the best ones.”

She accepts this solemn duty with glee, inspecting each little blue orb with a squint before setting aside those that meet her criteria and eating those that don’t. There doesn’t seem to be much difference between the two, really, but it keeps her distracted long enough for him to finish mixing the batter and get the first one poured into the pan. “Smiley or heart, d’you think?”

“A heart with a smile,” she proclaims.

“Absolutely brilliant idea,” he says, setting her on his hip so she can lean over the stove and plop the blueberries in herself. When she’s done, the pattern doesn’t particularly resemble a smile or a heart, but he thanks her anyway before flipping the pancake over.

He sets her to the task of scrambling eggs and stirring in the cheese as he finishes up the pancakes, and luckily she doesn’t notice when he turns away to finish breaking a yolk or two after she hands him the bowl. When at last it’s all plated and set carefully on the tray, she claps her hands with delight. “You’re a very good assistant, Papa,” she says, and he gives her another kiss on the forehead because she’s his little girl and he loves her to the moon and back and that’s more than enough reason. 

He carries the tray as Sofie darts up the stairs ahead of him and launches herself onto the bed. “Mama!” she squeals as Kristoff flips the light switch. “Happy Mother’s Day!”

Anna turns over, squinting at the sudden brightness, but there’s a huge smile on her face as she sits up and pulls her daughter into a hug. “Aw, thank you, Sof!” she says, nuzzling her nose against the little girl’s. “You really did all this for me?”

“Mhmm! Papa helped!”

Kristoff sets the tray down on the end of the bed so that he can lean over and kiss his wife’s cheek, but before he gets too close, she wrinkles her nose, turning a funny shade of gray. “Oh, there’s eggs, I-- fuck!” she says, and squirms out from under Sofie before running into the bathroom next door, a hand already over her mouth.

Neither Kristoff nor Sofie speak until she turns up to him, her blue eyes already welling up with tears. “Mama said a no-no word,” she says, her voice quivering, and he swoops her up into his arms, not quite trusting himself to speak just yet. Anna loves scrambled eggs with cheese; she hasn’t turned up her nose at them, definitely not gotten suddenly sick at the sight of them for going on six years now.

Surely not, he thinks to himself, though his heart is already picking up hopeful speed. Last time they said that was it, not to get our hopes up. But maybe--

Before Sofie’s sniffles can turn into a full-on cry against his shoulder, he hears the toilet flush, and Anna reemerges, looking sheepish. “I’m so sorry, my loves,” she says, taking Sofie and giving her a quick kiss on the top of the head. “Your breakfast looks really wonderful, I swear, and I’m so so surprised, really! I just...well. I had a Mother’s Day surprise for you guys, too.”

She looks up at him with that little crooked smile he fell in love with the first time he saw it. “I guess next year you’ll have two kitchen assistants, Chef Sofie, d’you think that’ll be alright?”

Sofie looks up at Kristoff, confused, and suddenly he realizes his eyes are blurry. “You’re gonna be a big sister, Ducky,” he manages to get out, and now she looks even more worried.

“Why does that make you sad, Papa?”

He can’t hold back any longer and pulls them both into a tight hug. “Not sad at all,” he says, dropping a kiss on each of their heads. “In fact, I think I might just be the happiest I’ve ever been.”

[marvelsbetch]

Peter Parker’s Plushie.

Warning: None except a sad baby Pete and Tony being his biological dad.

"Come on Pete, go to sleep for me." Tony almost begged the crying baby in his arms.

His only response was the continuation of his sons loud cries. Tony continued to rock the 3 month old in an attempt to get him to sleep. After 20 minutes and the beginning of the sun rise Tony has given up all hope of sleep himself, not uncommon.

"Pete please, I now colds aren't fun but you've gotta work with me here." Tony tried to reason getting a response of a second of silence before the crying commenced again.

Suddenly, an idea popped into Tony's head and he found himself walking back into his room. After a minute or two of looking he finally found what he was looking for.

"Here Pete. This is my good buddy Captain America. He's a hero like me, I'm better though, and he's gonna protect you. He's gonna protect you from all the monsters and cold out there. Only thing is, you've gotta keep his secret identity. Can you do that for him Pete?" Tony rhetorically asker before placing the Captain America plushie in the babies grasp. In return Baby Peter held the plushie as tight as he could and finally closed his eyes for sleep.

After a minute Tony deemed it safe to place the baby back into his crib holding the plushie right to his chest. Tony took one last look at his son before smiling like the Cheshire Cat and retreating back to his own room.

-3 years later-

A young Peter Stark ran around the main seating area of Stark Tower when he hit something hard. He looked up and saw his uncle Steve and his dad stood  of him.

"Cap'ain 'merica!" Peter squealed and hugged the mans legs.

"Hey Pete. Did you have fun while we were gone?" Steve asked the small child before picking him up to hug him closer.

"Yeah! Me 'n' mommy played abvengers ! Den we ate ice cream and watched a movie." Peter told him excitedly.

"Hey Petey, can I get some live to?" Tony asked reaching out for his son.

"DADDY!" The small boy yelled before leaping out of His uncles arms and into that of his fathers.

"I think it's your nap time now." Tony spoke running his hands through Peter's untameable hair.

"I don't." Peter spoke back earning a small laugh from Steve.

"Well, it is. Wanna say goodbye to uncle Steve while you sleep?" Tony coaxed.

"I lost my 'eddy. Can't sleep with out Cap'ain 'merica." The boy spoke sadly burying his head in his fathers neck.

"Where did you have it last? We may be able to find it." Steve asked trying to comfort the clearly upset child.

"In bed." The child answered.

Tony and Steve set off for Peter's bedroom in hopes to find the Captain America plushie before it was too late. The last time it was lost nobody, not even the real Captain America, put get Peter to sleep until the plushie was in his arms.

Once the trio arrived at Peter's room Tony placed him on the bed before he and Steve begin the search for the toy. After 30 minutes of searching they couldn't find it. They looked on the bed, under the bed, in the toy box, on the book shelf, in the en-suite and behind the book shelf. Anywhere The you could've been, it wasn't.

Tony looked at the child on the bed and saw tears forming in his eyes. Oh no.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y activate Code red, white and blue." Tony instructed his A.I before picking Peter up again.

"Pete, is there anywhere it could be? Were you playing with it when you played with Mommy?" Steve gently asked the upset child who was clinging onto his fathers blazer lapels.

All he received was a slight shake of the head before the child burst into tears.

Soon all the avengers, who weren't on missions, arrived at Peter's room after hearing the code F.R.I.D.A.Y sent out. The code was created after the last time the plushie was lost and the entire building was swept in an attempt to find it.

"Come on Buddy, we'll find him for you. You want the real Captain America to hold you while you sleep. Then, by the time you've woken up we'll have found him." Tony informed the toddler who only shook his head in return. He was almost at full meltdown.

"Right, battle plan. Tony, you stay in here and continue looking or try and get him to sleep. Me and Sam will search the main living space. Natasha and Clint will search the kitchen. Pepper and Wanda will search outside on the balconies. Bruce and Bucky will search all laundry areas and piles. Got it?" Steve strategised.

"Got it." Everyone responded almost simultaneously.

For the next three hours every Avenger was on the most important missions of their lives: Find Peter Stark's lost Captain America Plushie. Tony had spent the entire time trying to get the exhausted toddler to sleep, he even tried using and Iron Man plushie as a replacement but to no avail. No one, not even his own father, could replace the value of the plushie to little Peter.

The entire tower was searching, including all labs and employee break areas. After five hours of searching the avengers reached the conclusion that the plushie had simply disappeared into thin air. The only question now was, who was going to tell the heart broken and far beyond tired child. After a tournament of rock, paper, scissors the duty landed on Steve. How ironic.

Slowly the super soldier made his way to the source of the cries and screams that haunted the avengers over the past few hours. He entered the room where Peter immediately peeled up in hopes that someone found his precious plushie. His eyes lit up even more when he saw it was Steve but after a few seconds dulled again once he realised the plushie was not in his arms yet. Uncle Steve didn't have it.

"Hey Pete, I'm sorry but we can't find the teddy. We looked everywhere but none of us found it. I'm so sorry buddy." Steve tried to comfort but was only met with wails, screams and cries from the inconsolable child.

"PETER! WE FOUND IT!" They heard a voice yell and was soon met with an out on breath Sam Wilson running into the room with the old Captain America Plushie in his arms.

"Cap'ain 'merica!" Peter yelled with delight as Sam handed the plushie over to the child who fell asleep almost instantly.

"Thank you Sam. His cries were beginning to become unbearable. Where was it?" Tony whispered while slowly placing his child in his bed and tucking him in.

"It was in one of the big pots in the kitchen. Apparently he was playing hide and Seek with Pepper and must've forgot he put it in there." Sam explained in the same hushed voice as the trio left the room and silently shut the door.

It was safe to say that from that day on Peter's new favourite Uncle was Sam. The one who reunited his with his precious Captain America.

[vgckwb]

ML: Isolation Chapter 8: Deals

Arien walked into class the next day to see a crowd had gathered around Ivan. He decided to follow suit. The reason why became apparent, as Ivan had some scars on his face. “Ivan, what happened?”

Ivan smiled and said “Buster did it.”

Adrien was confused. “Allow me to explain,” Mylene said. “See, Ivan asked to help volunteer with me yesterday. I was going to the animal shelter, and I thought I had a good idea. See, some of the bigger dogs get a little too energetic, so I thought Ivan could play with them for a bit to help calm them down. And he was doing a great job, but Buster, one of the biggest ones, got too into it and scratched him.”

“I see,” Adrien said.

“It was a complete accident, and Buster even felt sorry about the whole thing,” Ivan said.

“Yeah, Ivan’s been really forgiving about this whole thing” Mylene said.

“Why don’t you show them the pictures?” Ivan asked.

“Pictures?” Alix asked.

Ivan nodded. He looked at Mylene. “Oh, alright,” Mylene said. “I was worried because they were all from before the scar, but since you say it’s OK…” she took out her phone and everyone gathered around her. Mylene showed off a series of photos of Ivan playing with dogs. It was completely adorable.

“I gotta say, I didn’t think you had it in you,” Alix said.

Ivan blushed. “I wasn’t sure I had it in me either. But honestly, it was a lot of fun.”

“It’s all thanks to Adrien here,” Kim said.

Adrien blushed. “Who me? I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s not true,” Ivan said. “Your talk inspired me to help, and I want to thank you for it.”

“Oh, well, thanks,” Adrien said.

“You’re a natural,” Kim said.

“Yeah” said Alix. “I mean, Lila’s been great and all, but I’ve never seen a result this dramatic this fast. Maybe she could learn a thing or two from you.”

Lila was surprised. She blushed, rubbed the back of her head, and said “Maybe.”

“We’ll see,” Adrien said. “I mean, I imagine we’re both pretty busy. From what I’ve heard, after school, your life is an adventure!”

“I’m sure we can make the time,” Lila said. “I mean, you’ve gotten to know the class, and you’ve only been here for a week or so.”

“That’s true. A lot has happened” Adrien said. What would happen if Lila and I were alone? She can’t know I’m on to her, can she? If she doesn’t know, I don’t think she would cue me in on her goal just yet. It’s still too early. Still, I should be on guard for that meeting. “Well, if our schedules allow for some one on one time, I guess we could talk.”

Lila blushed. “I’d like that.” Shortly after class began for the day.

During break, Ivan met up with Adrien alone. “Hey, thanks again man” he said.

“No problem” Adrien replied.

“I mean it” Ivan said. “I know I only asked to try and get closer to Mylene, but the whole experience was rewarding.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Adrien said. Ivan then grew concerned. “What’s up?”

“Well… If I tell you something, can you promise not to tell anyone else?” Ivan asked.

Adrien smiled. “Of course.”

Ivan smiled back. “Thanks. ...It’s just, you kind of remind me of Marinette. You know, before she...well…”

Adrien was surprised. “Huh.”

“It’s just, she used to be so helpful,” Ivan said. “I guess she was, even when she was jealous of Lila. Don’t get me wrong, she shouldn’t have bullied Lila, or stolen from her, but if you were to talk to her outside of Lila, it was like talking to you right now.”

“I see…” Adrien said, pondering this.

“I mean, Lila’s been helpful,” Ivan said, “it’s just...uh...how do I say this? She is a nice person, but she’s not as good at it?”

Adrien smiled. “It’s OK. Remember, this is staying between the two of us.”

Ivan smiled. “Thanks. Well, we should get going.”

“Alright,” Adrien said. Ivan left. Adrien looked around and saw Lila standing by herself. He decided to walk over and say “Hello.” Lila looked at him curiously. “Looks like we’ll get that chance to talk sooner than we thought.”

“I guess” Lila smiled. She looked sad. “So, how do you do it?”

“Do what?” Adrien asked.

“Well, you heard the class today,” Lila said. “How do you help people so well?”

Adrien had to tread lightly. I don’t want her to undermine me on any future attempts to deconstruct her web. I still don’t even know how big it is yet. It would be foolish to make it bigger before my eyes. I just have to give a vague answer. “Well, I just listen and give positive reinforcement,” he said.

“I try to do that too,” Lila said. “But you’ve helped Ivan in a way I couldn’t. Why is that?”

She’s trying to get a more specific answer. Just keep it vague, and we should be fine for now. “Well, I guess that’s just because we’re different people,” he said. “We have different experiences, and as such, we would have different ways of helping people.”

“Huh” said Lila. “That wasn’t what I was expecting, but I guess that makes sense.”

Adrien smiled. “Tell you what. If you’re helping someone out, why don’t you text me or something? That way, we can work together! You showing off your strengths, and I showing off mine. I mean, two heads are better than one after all.”

Lilai was taken aback. She blushed and said “I’d like that.”

“I’d like that too,” Adrien said.

“Well, we should get back to class,” Lila said.

“OK” Adrien said. He started walking when he noticed Lila grabbing his arm. “Um, Lila?”

“Huh? Oh” Lila said. She let go. “Sorry. I just get nervous easily. You know, ever since the incident. And you just seem so brave. So, I just kind of…”

Adrien smiled. “I understand. Just make sure to ask. I’m not great with people touching me unexpectedly. Between my fans and Chloe, it started feeling uncomfortable.”

“Oh no,” Lila said. “Don’t worry. I’ll have a nice chat with Chloe about this.”

“You don’t have to,” Adrien said. Lila was surprised. “What I mean is, I’ve already talked to her about it, and she’s gotten better about it.” Lila smiled and nodded and the two walked off.

OK, I don’t think she’s on to me, and I’ve laid a trap. Sure, it’s double edged, and whether or not she’ll spring it is up in the air, but it’s still worth trying. Still, she knows one of my weaknesses now. It’s not a weakness she can use well, but I should be careful regardless.

After school that day, he hung out with Nino at the dance club. They taught each other more about the dancing styles they knew, and had another good time all around. However, when it came time for Adrien to leave, Nino rushed him out again. Once could be coincidence, but twice now? Something’s up. I just need to find a good time to ask about it.

He then got out his phone. He was going to message his bodyguard but decided to do a quick check of Noir Notes to see if there was anything new. He had now got in the habit of bringing his costume along, so if there was something he could do, he could do it.

Nothing around him looked like he was needed, and anything new on the site was more speculation, which was wildly varying, and more requests. Again, most of these requests were trivial in nature. But there was a new one that caught his eye due to how odd it was.

“Hello? Cat Noir? Um, I have a note I want to deliver to someone, but I don’t know how. Could you possibly do it for me? I’ll be in the TV station lobby tonight until 6:30. Thank you.”

Adrien was puzzled. He checked the time stamp. Today. And it’s about 5:45 now… He realized the Kids+ TV studio wasn’t too far from here. Well, let’s just hope this is the right one… He messaged his bodyguard saying to pick him up there at about 6:25, and went on his way.

Once he got there, he hid on the side of the building and dressed up, leaving his bag behind. As Cat Noir, he walked into the building. He approached the receptionist and rang the bell. The receptionist looked up confused and surprised.

“Pssst! Over here” said a voice. He looked over to see a young girl waving at him. Adrien was now the one who was confused and surprised. He walked over. He saw she had a lot of paper and some crayons for drawing. “I knew you’d make it!”

Adrien smiled. I love her optimism Although, she is a child, so she probably doesn’t know it was dumb luck that brought me here. I won’t tell her though. He grabbed some of the paper and a black crayon and decided to write his statements, stylizing them like a child. “How did you get onto Noir Notes?”

“Um, I saw mommy doing some research on there. She’s a news reporter! She gave me this” she said, holding up a tablet, “to watch some videos on, but I really needed to get this note out” she now held up her note. “So, I logged on and tried my best.”

Adrien smiled for her. “You did good kid. What’s your name?”

“Manon” she said. “Anyway, can you deliver this?” She held up the letter.

“Who’s it for?”

Manon looked sad. “It’s for my old babysitter,” she said. “I don’t know if you know her, but her parents run the bakery you went to.” Adrien was surprised. “Mommy said she did something bad, and that she’s not allowed to babysit me anymore. I know she didn’t do it though! She’s so nice! I wanted to deliver it to her, but I don’t know how to get there without getting a ride, and mommy won’t help me mail it. So, please?” She held out the note again, this time with her baby-doll eyes.

How could I say no to that face? He wrote “Do you need to get it to her ASAP?”

“A...SAP?”

Adrien silently chuckled. “As Soon As Possible. It means does she need it right away?”

“Oh. Well, I would like for her to get it right away, but as long as she gets it, I’ll be alright.”

“OK. Thank you. I will pass it along to her.”

Manon’s face lit up. She was so giddy she was just about to charge in for a hug. She then stopped herself and asked “Um, can I give you a hug?” Adrien nodded. Manon rushed in and hugged with vigor. Adrien hugged back.

Adrien hadn’t even considered something like this. I promise you, the two of you will be reunited. It may take some time, but I will do it. He let go and took the note. He did a two finger salute to say his goodbye and left.

He went to the side of the building to grab his bag. However, he bumped into someone. He looked up to see that it was his bodyguard, holding his bag. The two looked at each other for a little bit. Adrien surmised that he came by and saw the bag on the ground and went to investigate. Despite his appearances, Adrien knew his bodyguard wasn’t stupid. There wasn’t really a lot he could do in this situation. He sighed. “Can you at least not tell my parents and only talk to Nathalie about this?” The bodyguard was confused, but nodded. Adrien changed out of his disguise, and put it back in the bag. The two went to the car and headed home.

On his way back, Adrien messaged Marinette. “Hey, we have a bit of a situation. I got caught as Cat Noir by my bodyguard. I managed to convince him to only tell my family’s assistant, but I can’t lie to them. Could I just tell them about you? If that’s alright? Please get back to me ASAP.”

Later, Adrien was meeting with Nathalie. Adrien’s costume was on the table, along with his phone. Nathalie was rubbing her eyes. “Adrien. Please tell me you have an explanation for all of this.”

“I do,” Adrien said.

Nathalie put her glasses on and glared at him. “And?”

“Oh. Oh you want me to TELL YOU my explanation” he said. “Well...um, this is gonna be difficult.” Marinette hasn’t gotten back to me yet. I don’t know if I can keep this up.

“I can’t in good conscience hide this from your parents,” Nathalie said. “Please explain to me what possessed you to do any of this.”

“Ummmmmmmm...”

Suddenly the phone rang. Adrien reached for it, but Nathalie grabbed it first, as if her hand was as fast as hurricane winds. She noticed it wasn’t a registered number. She answered “How did you get this number?”

“Um, Adrien gave it to me” Marinette said timidly from the other line. “You’re the secretary right?” Nathalie was alarmed. “You’re talking about him being Cat Noir… Well, that’s kind of my fault.”

Adrien was worried about what was happening on the other end. He tried reaching for the phone, but Nathalie blocked him. She continued to listen to Marinette. “I see...Thank you. Have a good day.” She hung up. She sighed. “Adrien. I know you can be a bit of a problem child.” Adrien remembered several times in which he attempted to sneak out or run away just to be on his own for a little bit, causing his parents, his bodyguard, and Nathalie to worry. “But THIS just takes the cake.” Adrien looked worried. “I’ve heard what your friend Marinette had to say. Now let’s hear you explain it.”

Adrien was puzzled. “Well, so, you know how Ladybug is my favorite designer for father’s company?” Nathalie nodded. “Well, I’ve been wanting to meet with her for a while now. I figured out her name, but not much else. Then, when I went to school, I caught her catching a glimpse of me. I learned that Marinette was considered a bully, and then later, I was told by father that Ladybug had new designs for me. I knew then they were the same person.”

Adrien explained the rest of the story. How he couldn’t be seen going to the bakery, and how he felt so desperate to meet with her. The origin of the disguise. The whole Lila thing. He hoped that it got through to her.

Once he was finished, Nathalie composed herself. “Well, at least the two of you are good at corroborating, if nothing else.”

“But it’s the truth!” Adrien said.

Nathalie smiled. “I know. I can tell when you’re lying.” She sighed. “Alright, I won’t tell your parents about all of this, at least for now. But I want you to promise me something.”

Adrien was confused. “What?”

“I want you to talk to your parents more about what’s going on,” she said. “You don’t have to explain everything, at least not yet. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to, but I understand why you won’t for now.”

Adrien looked sad. “Adrien,” she said. He looked up. “They’re your parents. They care about you. They want to hear about how you’re doing. Perhaps they can even help you. Of course, I’ll be willing to help you too.” Adrien looked excited. “If what you said about this Lila person is true, then I wish to help you. I know a thing or two about behind the scenes work. Your bodyguard will also be able to help. Isn’t that right?” She looked at the bodyguard, and he nodded. “Just be sure you’re keeping up with school, and all of your other stuff.” Adrien nodded. “You’re going to be really busy. Are you sure you can handle it?”

Adrien grinned. “When you’ve had nothing to do for most of your life, there’s a lot of pent up energy to do all of this.”

Nathalie smiled a silly grin. Adrien was perplexed, because that smile was rare. “You know, I sat in on some of the meetings where your parents were discussing you going to school. Your father was worried about all sorts of things. I thought he had run through every possible scenario. I guess I was wrong.”

Adrien smiled. “Oh yeah” he said. He took Manon’s note out of his pocket. “Um, I’m supposed to deliver this to Marinette. Is that alright?”

Nathale smiled. “Don't worry Adrien, I’ll take care of this. Your father wanted me to investigate the bakery anyway. You know, after your little stunt.” Adrien blushed. Nathalie grabbed the note. “Alright. Just do whatever you were going to do when you got back before all of this. And remember what I said.”

Adrien nodded. “Thank you,” he said.

Nathalie smiled. “Let’s go!” she told the bodyguard. The two of them headed out.

Nathalie and the bodyguard had managed to get to the bakery before it closed. Nathalie walked in alone. Sabine and Tom turned to her. “Um, hello. How can we help you?”

“I know this is a bit sudden,” Nathlie said, “but I work with Gabriel Agreste. Because of the recent attention brought upon you, he wants to know about his place. I know that you’re closing now, but is there a good time to set up a meeting?”

Tom and Sabine were shocked. “Um, what would this meeting be about?” Tom stammered out.

“Mr. Agreste likes to consider a lot of possibilities” Nathalie said. “He was wondering about using your bakery as a set. Or barring that, using some of your goods for a baking motif.” Tom and Sabine looked at each other, not sure about what to do. “I will tell you, a lot of this goes nowhere. But, if you’re interested in the possibility, here’s my card,” she said, handing it to them. “Also, I found this outside your door. It’s addressed to a Marinette.”

“That’s our daughter,” Sabine said. “I’ll make sure it gets to her.”

Nathalie smiled. “Thank you. Also, if it wouldn’t be any trouble, could I get a box of cookies.”

“Oh, it’ll be no trouble at all,” Tom said. He left to get them.

“You know, Mr. Agreste’s son came in and he also got cookies,” Sabine said.

“So I’ve heard,” Nathalie said. “He told me they were delicious. I’m curious.”

“Here you go,” Tom said.

Nathalie paid for them. “Thank you.” She left the store and got in the car. They pulled off. Nathalie started eating the cookies. “Want one?” she said, offering one to the bodyguard. He rejected. She continued eating them.

The bodyguard then gave her a stern look. “Don’t look at me like that,” she said. “Look, I know it’s crazy, but I really want to help Adrien here. Was he foolish? Of course. But being young is all about making mistakes. I’m just here to make sure he’s making the right ones.” She smiled. “Besides, can’t you tell?” The bodyguard raised his eyebrow. “Our little Adrien’s in love.” The bodyguard thought about it, and then nodded. “I’m just not sure he knows it yet.”

Adrien went back to his room as soon as the meeting was over. He headed to the computer and saw Marinette messaged him. “Adrien! Are you alright? What happened?”

“I’m still trying to process that myself,” he replied. “But basically, not only has Nathalie agreed to not tell my parents, she’s willing to help me.”

“...? Why?”

“I’m not sure. But I’m glad she is.”

“Well, I’m glad things worked out for you.”

“Sorry about dragging more people into this…”

“It’s OK. This was sudden. I get it.”

“By the way, the mission I was on as Cat Noir involved you.”

“Me?”

“Yup. I was to deliver a note to you. But Nathalie’s taking it to your place.She said she needed to scout it anyway. You should be getting it soon.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Good night.”

“Good night Adrien” she typed. She saw Adrien log off. She then spoke to herself. “What could that be?”

“Marinette!” her mom called. “There’s a letter for you! I’ll just slip it through the door as usual.” Marinette rushed over and opened the hatch door. Sabine was surprised to see her. “Marinette?”

“Uh, yeah. I just wanted to get this from you.” She took the note. “Thank you, mama!” She kissed her mom on the head, and closed the door.

Sabine was surprised. “Well, it’s good to see she's getting better.”

Marinette went up to her bed and looked at the note. “Manon?” she said, recognizing the handwriting. She opened it up.

“Marinette, Mommy says you did something bad, and you can’t be my babysitter anymore. I don’t think that’s true though. You’re so nice and kind. I can’t believe that you would do something so mean.

Mommy says you haven’t left your house much since got kicked out of school. You taught me that sometimes people just need to be alone sometimes. But I do want to see you again. I want to show you how much I’ve grown since the last time I’ve seen you. Please come out soon. Once they realize you didn’t do it, I’m sure they’ll forgive you. -Manon”

Underneath was a drawing of the two of them. Marinette was impressed, and at the same time heartbroken. Manon still believed in her. She couldn’t believe it herself. Manon looked up to her so much, and wanted her to leave. Meanwhile, here she was wallowing in self-pity. Marinette began crying. “I’m sorry Manon.”

[carol-effing-danvers]

knock me the fuck out (i dare ya, babe), finale

Weep with me tears of joy and fulfillment for this soft boy and his cuddly boyfriend.

i have some more thoughts about this universe that i may or not get to, but they aren't really relevant to the story i wanted to tell here, so those will have to be for another tale :D

part one, part two, part three

(if you’d prefer to read this in Ao3′s format, click here)

Billy is deliciously warm, deliciously relaxed and deeply asleep when the phone rings on the table beside the bed. He gives a displeased grunt and buries his face into the pillow as Steve rolls away from him to pick up the call, hoarsely croaking “’ello?” There’s a pause as he listens to the caller, then surprises Billy by tapping him on the shoulder. “For you, Billy.”

What the fuck? He mumbles a confused “Hello?”

“I’m so sorry.” Max sounds as tired as he is, maybe more. “But Lauren refuses to go to sleep – I told her that you’d be back in the morning, but it’s already almost midnight, and the more tired she is, the more upset she gets. Can you please talk to her for just a few minutes?”

“Yeah,” he slurs. “’a course. Lemme get up first so we ain’t talking in Steve’s ear while he’s tryin’ to sleep.”

“Oh my god,” Max says miserable and guilty, repeating “I’m so sorry, Billy.”

“No, no, no – it’s okay,” Gently, he closes the door behind him, thankful that Steve owns a cordless phone and trying not to walk into a wall. “I shoulda knew she’d bug out if I didn’t come home.”

Max murmurs “Lauren, Uncle Billy wants to talk to you.”

His whole heart breaks – Lulu is sucking in air hard, sobbing quietly. Poor Max must’ve been trying to get her to sleep for hours. “Hey, my girl. Why won’t you let Mommy tuck you in?”

“Wh-wh-why did you leave?!” she wails, sorrow all renewed.

“I didn’t leave you, baby. I’m having a sleepover with my friend, I’ll be back tomorrow. Mommy told you that, right?”

In a tiny voice, Lulu replies, “Yes.”

“I’m never gonna leave you without saying goodbye, Lulu,” he says softly. “I promise. Who’s my girl?”

“I-I am,” she hiccups, but she sounds a few shades calmer now.

“That’s right. And it’s gonna snow tomorrow, so I thought I’d take my girl out to make a snowman,” he says solemnly. “But we can’t do that if you’re too tired to play outside, Lulu. Can you lay down and close your eyes for me?”

“Don’t hang up!” she says, a bit frantic, and Billy feels another tug on his heartstrings.

“Won’t hang up, baby. Close your eyes for me and lay down. Okay? Lulu, skip to my Lu. Lulu, skip to my Lu. Lulu, skip to my Lu. Skip to my Lu, my darlin’…”

He has to stay with her, and sing to her, for he doesn’t know how long. He won’t leave until he’s sure that she won’t feel abandoned and there’s a period of calm before Max whispers “She’s asleep now. Thank you so much, Billy.”

She sounds close to tears herself. She’s probably been up since four or five o’clock this morning and as it turns out, Lulu isn’t the only girl with a piece of his heart. “Sweet dreams, little sister.”

“Sweet dreams, big brother.” Max sniffles.

Billy stumbles back toward the bedroom and finds Steve basically doing what he was doing for Lulu, except that Steve is singing his song to his fucking cat, a dark blob resting on his stomach as he pets her, scratching her around the ears and beneath her chin. “With no lovin’ in our souls, and no money in our clothes, you can’t say we’re satisfied…”

His voice is a beautiful purr, husky with sleep, warm and loving to an animal that Steve obviously cares about.

Billy is leveled like the Starcourt fucking Mall.

He blurts out, “You’re gettin’ the words wrong. It’s ‘coats’, not ‘clothes’.”

Fuckin’ smooth, Hargrove. Real fuckin’ smooth.

“Mmkay,” Steve says serenely, eyes closed. “It sounds better my way.”

Anything coming out of your mouth sounds better. “Yeah, it kinda does, doesn’t it?”

As he slides back underneath the covers, Angie gets annoyed with them moving around the bed and hops off to wander back out of the room, tail held high. Steve curls around him, humming contentedly under his breath. Steve’s nose brushes along his neck, breathing inward, and Billy feels like he’s gonna die, because this much happiness at once just can’t be good for you. His mouth has gone dry.

Steve gives another contented hum, wrapping an arm around his waist and a leg around his hips. His hand, resting at Billy’s heart, caresses down the scarred skin and muscle to rest near the waistband of his boxers, and Steve’s thumb leisurely strokes up and down his lower belly, through the trail of hair leading down to his crotch. He murmurs against Billy’s skin “I never get this.”

“Hm. I hope I’d remembered getting you to feel me up,” Billy replies, grinning at the quiet darkness.

“No.” He feels Steve grin against his shoulder, which is…just…the best feeling. “A bed. Talking. Just…letting me kiss you.”

“Letting you,” Billy repeats, a bit sarcastically. “It’s become my cross to bear.”

Steve lightly bites him on the shoulder, and Billy can feel the way his mouth still stretches around a smile. “Okay, you know what I’m saying here.”

“Yeah, I guess I do. But ain’t no hardship, sweetheart.” He squeezes Steve’s hand, and he’s silent for long enough that Billy asks, “What’chu thinkin’ about, Stevie?”

Steve sighs, low and sweet, fingers still petting at his belly. “Billy Hargrove thinks I’ve got heartbreaker’s eyes. I’m thinking ‘bout that.”

“You do,” he whispers, earnest, heart in his throat. “Took your sunglasses off and I see these big brown eyes – and my soul left my fuckin’ body, Steve, I swear. I remember-” Billy swallows, and part of him can go back to that scared, raging, confused boy. “I remember thinking that it wasn’t fair, that no boy should be able to break my heart with just eyes.”

Steve laughs, ducking his face into Billy’s neck sheepishly, even though Billy can’t see him anyway. His skin is hot against his own, lashes like the flutter of his butterfly wings over his skin, making his heart thud harder. “You are a real romantic. I never get that, either.”

Billy snorts, but he can’t really deny it. “It’s too bad, y’know. Cause you’re pretty good at this part, darlin’. Where the hell is my lullaby, though?”

Steve pets his skin some more, slow and lazy, and Billy thinks that maybe he’s already falling asleep-

“Which way you goin’, Billy? Can I go, too?” he croons, fingertips warm and gentle on his skin, petting his abdomen and stroking along the tendons of his neck, lips warm and whisper soft upon his skin. “Which way you goin’, Billy? Can I go with you? You are my whole, babe, my heart and soul, babe. I’d have nothing to show, babe, if you go away…”

He’s got chills running up and down his spine, even though his face and chest feel hot and feverish. Billy’s dying, he’s dying, because he knows now that his love was never wasted on this boy. “Who’s the real romantic?” he whispers hoarsely, relaxing his weight back against Steve’s body. “You’re sweet, Stevie.”

“You’re not fooling me,” he murmurs back and kisses beneath his ear, soft and wet. Billy shudders. “You are, too.”

He takes Steve’s hand, smooth from a life of finger-paint and glitter-glue, and presses his mouth to the palm. “Gotta keep that our special secret, darlin’.”

Sleepily, Steve says “Ain’t a secret, baby.”

---

Steve spends a week just sort of walking on fucking air.

“What’s up, buddy?” Steve doesn’t even bother to ask who it is – Dustin calls him at five o’clock on the dot, every Monday. “Excited to finish up your midterms and come home for a little while?”

“Yeah, I’m going straight to a study group as soon we’re done.” He sounds as cheerful as he ever is, but by now, Steve is also intimately familiar with what he sounds like when he’s tired, too.

“Okay, but try to make sure you get enough rest,” Steve says, holding the phone on his ear with his shoulder as he lifts Angie onto his lap. “You’re smarter when you’ve slept longer than four hours a night, buddy.”

“Yeah, I know.” Then, a little less cheerfully, “So, uh…how are you feeling?”

Steve frowns. Had he been sick the last time he talked to Dustin? He didn’t think so… “Uh…fine? Why?”

“Well, you know…the ten year anniversary is coming up,” Dustin says awkwardly. He sounds distinctly like he’s also frowning now. Unhappy. “And like…I get worried about you, and stuff.”

“Dustin…”

“-and you always say you’re fine, even when you’re definitely not fine…”

“…pal…”

“Robin says you’re okay, which I guess is good but…”

“Dustin.”

“-it’s not the same as be able to see for myself…”

“Dude, seriously-”

“And you’re lonely, man, the people there treat you like shit!”

“DUSTIN!” Steve says loudly, scaring poor Angie right off his lap. “…I have a boyfriend.”

He says the words before really thinking about them and all of their implications. Dustin lets out this hilarious little ‘eep!’ before shrieking “Oh my god, really?!” like he’s suddenly sixteen again and asking Steve how two men have sex, in the technical sense, and jeez-

Steve really misses him, feels his eyes sting. “Yeah. I mean…it’s a new thing, but we’ve already gone on a few dates and it’s going pretty well.”

“Really? Okay, well, what’s he like?!” Dustin asks impatiently.

“Uh, well…” Nervously, Steve wishes that he hadn’t bought a cordless phone. His fingers have nothing to play with in moment like these. “You sort of already know him���Or, I guess, knew him, would be the better way to put it.”

Exasperated, Dustin says, out of the blue, “Oh my god, if it’s Tommy Hall, Steve, I know he had a crush on you, but you can do way better-”

“What?! No, Tommy Hall didn’t-what the fuck, who gave you that idea?”

“Robin,” he says, with an obvious ‘duh’ at the end.

“What the fuck?!” Steve repeats, this time at a volume that makes Angie cower under the coffee table. “Oh Ang, I’m sorry, baby – c’mon. Daddy’s sorry.”

Apologetically, Dustin explains “She told me and Erica not to tell you, because she didn’t wanna out Tommy to you even though she was pretty sure he wanted to fuck you. Then after your crisis, we agreed he wasn’t good enough for you.” Steve feels a sudden headache coming on, because this entire scenario has ‘Scoops Troop’ written all over it in big bold letters. “If it’s not Tommy Hall, then who?”

“Billy. Max’s Billy.”

There is a pause before Dustin asks “…is he okay now?”

The thing about Dust is that he’s so outwardly goofy that it’s easy to forget that he’s so smart, and he’s so smart that it’s easy to forget that he’s so empathetic. “Yeah, he’s okay now. He grew up a lot more when he went back to California.”

“Is he nice?” It’s less a question and more a demand.

“He’s really nice,” Steve says honestly, finally coaxing Angie back onto his lap after earning her forgiveness. “And he’s more…patient now. More relaxed. I think Lauren might be his best friend – he calls her Lulu, and I see him every morning when he drops her off. He um…he works for El.”

Jane Hopper is something of a…not exactly a sore spot for Dustin, but mentioning her tends to make him droop like a wilting daisy. They are not close and probably never will be. Steve used to think Dust was exaggerating when he said that Eleven didn’t like him, but she tends to shut down in one on one conversations with him, and she’ll do just about anything to avoid being left in a room alone with him.

Steve doesn’t really think that it’s because El straight up doesn’t like him, he thinks that it’s more of a matter of a sheltered person like El not quite knowing how to deal with a personality as loud and attention-grabbing as Dustin’s could be. That reaction crushes his self-confidence though, so the Scoops Troop try not to bring her up, and Steve tries to do El the courtesy of not overwhelming her too often.

“Oh good, Mike was just telling me she was getting busy enough to start needing help,” Dustin says neutrally. There was a pause, and then, more quietly, he asks “Is Max doing okay?”

It’s a little weird, because even though they’re all the same age, Max kind of had to grow up the faster, because while the others were thinking about the end of their freshman year of college, Max was giving birth and dealing with a marriage and a mortgage. “I think she’s excited to have Billy back in town – he’s hinted that she was having a bit of financial trouble before he got here.”

“So, you don’t think that she and Justin will be getting back together?”

Steve sighs, irritated. “If Lucas wants to make me a spy, the least he could do is ask me the questions himself.”

“That’s not a yes,” Dust coaxes. “Just yes or no, I refused to ask you anything else.”

“No, I’m pretty much sure that if he comes back to town, Max will be asking to borrow the nail bat.”

“Hm, there’s a long line for that. Can you pick me up from the station?”

“Uh-huh. Eight o’lock on the 30th, right?”

“Right.” Dust sighs, and again Steve’s heart gives a painful pang at hearing how tired he sounds. “Sorry, it’s time for my study group. Love you, Steve.”

“Love ya, kid.”

---

He has way more work to do now, since Robin insists that the original bet was for only a make-out session and he kind of ended up with a boyfriend, so she gleefully dumped upon him all of the quizzes she gave before the students began spring break, including the twenty page midterms she made them do. He didn’t have to grade the three page essays at the end but that still left seventeen pages to mark through forty-five times.

Despite the stack of paperwork in front of him, Steve’s still got a huge grin on his face as he sits across from Robin in the diner and lifts his coffee mug. Dazed, he says “I’ve got a boyfriend.”

He can’t say it too loud, that’s inviting trouble on himself that he doesn’t need, but he can’t hold it in.

Robin looks up, threads of hair escaping from her messy bun, and smirks at him, but her eyes are enormous and warm. “Yeah, you do.” Setting down her pen and flexing her fingers, Rob rests her chin on her hand. “And you still haven’t given me any details on dates number two and three.”

Steve’s brain helpfully provides him with the dreamy vision of both of those.

Date number two was a pool house in Evansville, drinking beer, talking trash at each other that was at least half flirting, and finding reasons to brush up against Billy in public, until Billy stood behind him as he was making a shot and growled in his ear, “Get in the fuckin’ car, darlin’. Gonna bite you where you like it.”

They steamed up the windows of the Impala that was the Camaro’s spiritual successor, and Billy pulled him on his lap, yanked opened the buttons on his shirt and assaulted Steve’s chest – pinched, kissed, sucked, and yes bit him, until Steve had his hands braced on the roof to keep himself grounded in a world that kept spinning, and cried “Oh fuck, Billy, stop, I’m gonna come.”

“Mm, I don’t hear a downside anywhere in there. Lemme get you off, heartbreaker.”

Right there in the driver’s seat, Steve’s head thrown back and mouth wide open as he tugged frantically on Billy’s shortened hair, coming without a hand ever touching his dick because he had Billy’s groaning mouth sucking at his nipples. Limbs shaking, Steve shoved his hand down the front of his pants and jerked Billy off with sharp rotations of his wrist, kissing all over his face, his neck, his chest. “Baby, baby,” he murmured, nipping at Billy’s neck. “Look at me.”

Billy’s eyes were the blue of distant oceans, like he kept a part of California in him wherever he went. Steve whispered “Fuck, Billy, you’re beautiful” and suddenly his fingers were soaked with come, Billy staring up at him in stunned rapture, like Steve was the sun and he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Date three was Billy making California-style tacos for him (he had no idea that avocados were so delicious, what the hell!) and then watched Stand By Me, the Friday night movie on tv, head on Billy’s shoulder while he explained how Stephen King basically ripped off The Party’s life story, minus Maxine and Eleven.

Billy looked so startled when Steve started groping him on the sofa. There were sometimes moments that Billy really seemed to think that Steve was some kind of stuck-up prude, when he looked absolutely flabbergasted that Steve was as into this as he was, could be as aggressive as he was.

“Bed?” Billy asked in his ear, grinding down against him, his hands squeezing Steve by the hips. Thick, throbbing against him, making Steve’s mouth water and his heart beat three times faster. His belly was wet with pre-come, smeared all over his skin, burning hot where their skin met.

Steve had his teeth clenched together, trying not to shout so loudly that all his neighbors knew his guest’s name was Billy. He grabbed Billy by the upper arms and squeezed hard, sweating and arching his hips into his every motion, thighs tightened around his hips. “Billy, if you stop right now, I swear I’ll kill you.”

“Yeah?” The dummy was so surprised. “Getting close, heartbreaker?”

Sometimes, Billy still seemed surprised that Steve even reacted to him, like he was an untouchable statue. My ice princess. But he was flesh and he was blood, and it scared him, how much he wanted Billy to touch him. How bewildered he felt at the sight of Billy lying next to him in the morning, face down in the pillow.

He’d show him a goddamn ice princess.

“Give it to me good, baby, c’mon,” he moaned, and Billy bucked faster, breathed harder. Steve could feel his arms shake and smiled against his mouth. Raking his nails down his back, Steve slid his hands beneath the back of Billy’s boxers and got two handfuls of his ass, rasping “That’s it, like you mean it. Fuck, don’t stop, Billy. Right there! Baby-baby-!”

“Steve-o, earth to Steve-o!” Robin sing-songs. “What planet did you land on, dingus? Care to share with the class?”

He waves her off. “You don’t want to hear all the sweaty, manly details, Rob…”

She watches him drift off, pale skin flushing warm and vivid. “Oh my god, what’s that face for? What did you do?!”

Blushing like a schoolgirl, Steve hides his face. “After the boning, he made me hot chocolate and we spent three hours cuddling on the couch!”

“Oh my god, Steve, leave it to you to get embarrassed by the high school romance bits,” Robin is laughing at him, loud and happy. “What a dingus!”

Despite her laughter, Rob is practically glowing. Has Steve’s new relationship really made her this happy? With a bit of a whine to his tone, Steve says, “Well it’s not like I haven’t done the other parts before! I didn’t even know Billy wanted to do the sappy shit!”

She clicked her tongue, grinning fondly. “You love it.”

“I do,” he admits, bashful. “He’s all…romantic and stuff. Y’know.”

“And stuff? Come on, you can give me better details than that.” Steve can’t manage to do anything but blush harder and Rob smiles like the Cheshire cat. “Oh, that good, huh? I bet he brings you breakfast in bed and calls you pet names.”

Steve is hiding a smile behind his fingers, a lost and awed expression in his eyes. “Heartbreaker.”

“Hm?”

“He calls me sweetheart, and darlin’, and-and heartbreaker.” Self-conscious with himself, Steve buries his head in his arms and moans, “Oh god, please don’t make me say anything else.”

“That’s ridiculous and I love it,” Robin replies, with an enormous grin.

“Buckley, why are you torturin’ my guy?” Neither of them heard Billy walk into the diner, but there he is – blue flannel, fleece-lined jacket, and heavy denim. Steve becomes a puddle in the booth and it must be obvious because Rob looks positively gleeful and Billy is starting to look smug and maybe a little besotted.

Fuck.

---

Billy knows that Robin must’ve been teasing him – Steve’s pretty face is all pink, even the tips of his ears are red. Buckley, on the other hand, is almost demonic with glee. Clearing his throat, Steve gives him such an adoring expression that it leaves Billy nearly breathless. “Hi there, Harrington.”

“What are you doing here?” Steve asks playfully, with a smile that veers dangerously close to naked flirtation.

He shrugs. “Lulu went to her friend Sam’s birthday party. Wanted to check on you, since you said the slave driver chained you to your paperwork.”

Buckley huffs. “I won that bet fair and square!”

Steve huffs back, with an endearing little pout. “I never agreed to it, you bully!” He throws Billy a look with those devastating eyes. “She’s going to abandon me to see a movie. Wanna keep me company?”

If anyone ever figures out how fucking easily he falls to that gaze, he’s a dead man. Aw shit. From Buckley’s face, she’s already figured that out. “Yeah, ‘course.”

Buckley rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, like getting to moon at your new boyfriend is such a hardship.”

“Rob!” Steve hisses, looking at nervously.

She scoffs, getting up from the opposite side so that Billy could take her place. She gives Billy sort of a challenging stare, and tosses her head. “If he didn’t wanna go public, he should’ve said no the first damn time, when you warned him.”

Maybe Billy’s answer would be different if his father were still alive. But he ain’t. “It ain’t that big a deal – just don’t wanna get Harrington into any shit.”

She pitches her voice so that it won’t carry. “You don’t get to take whatever you want in private and leave him out in the cold in public.”

He can’t even imagine how Old Billy would react to having a woman talk to him like this. But by the hardness in her eyes, he does know that even Old Billy wouldn’t have scared her. Robin Buckley has fought monsters far more disturbing the one he used to be. She also, judging from the steel in her jaw, has seen people (men? women? both?) do this to Steve before. Take their physical pleasure from him in dark of night and then pretend they can’t see him in the light of day.

She looks ready to knock his teeth out if she doesn’t like his answer, and Billy can both understand that anger, and respect her desire to protect Steve from pain. “Down girl,” he murmurs, “I wouldn’t leave him out in the cold anywhere, never mind around these wolves.”

“Rob,” Steve says lowly. “Don’t give him a shovel speech. I can take care of myself.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” she responds, with a smile that’s equally sweet and poisonous. Billy’s opinion of her skyrockets. “Have fun, boys.”

Steve sighs at her retreating back, looking put upon for a moment before he smiles at Billy again. Flicking his hair out of his face, he pushes his glasses up his nose and admits, “I actually do have to work on these. Sorry.”

Billy steals his coffee mug. “Yeah, I kinda assumed that.” He pulls a dog-eared copy of Red Dragon from his jacket pocket. “Don’t worry, I can keep myself entertained. Besides, I got somethin’ real pretty to look at.”

He throws in a wink just for good measure, just because he knows he’ll be well rewarded with another rosy blush coloring Steve’s cheeks.

It’s relaxing, sitting around like a normal couple, nobody giving a shit about the two of them sitting there. Understandably, he’s pretty surprised when something – or someone – touches his dick under the table.

His eyes immediately shoots up to Steve’s face as the arch of a socked foot presses into the fly of his jeans, rubbing gently against the rapidly thickening semi there. The question on his lips dies almost instantly. He hardly needs to ask if it’s an accident – Steve’s gaze is already fixed on Billy, biting down on the corner of his lip as he tries to hide the curve of a wicked smile, his eyes dark behind the frames of his glasses.

Billy’s mouth drops open slightly as Steve’s toes curls around the rigid line of cock, wedged painfully against his zipper. Steve makes a low noise, a satisfied kind of purring, at how quickly Billy goes from semi to fully hard. Gripping the edge of the table with one hand and squashing his book into an open position with the other, Billy croaks “Steve.”

Oh so innocently with his angel-faced smile and his creamy rose blush, Steve says “What are you reading?”

Billy has to bite down a pained groan as Steve rubs him just a little harder. It’s torturous – there’s too many layers between them to get Billy off, which he suspects that Steve is well aware of, but it also feels so good that he doesn’t really want him to stop. Too late, he recalls Robin’s words about Steve in the 11th Hour. He likes to flirt with danger. He’s addicted to risk.

He honestly couldn’t think of anything riskier than Steve trying to bring him off in the middle of one of the town’s busiest attractions, only edged out by the churches and the bars. Billy stares at him helplessly, wide-eyed and voiceless with the force of his surging arousal. There is the hint of a command in his voice when Steve repeats, “What are you reading, Billy?”

“R-red-Red Dragon,” Billy responds hoarsely, fighting to stop himself from humping Steve like a fucking animal. He can’t stop himself from letting go of the table and sliding his hand under the cuffs of Steve’s slacks, wrapping his fingers around his ankle to keep him there.

Steve looks very pleased indeed and gives Billy’s dick another rub, finding his cockhead through his pants and flexing his toes right around it. “Steve,” he says weakly. “Are you trying to give me a fetish?”

Surprised, he asks “Do you have one?”

“No, but-” He holds in a whine and hisses, “Keep touchin’ my dick like that, and I’m gonna start having inappropriate thoughts about your feet, sweetheart.”

Surprised and curious now, Steve presses harder. “Can you come this way?”

“I don’t-I don’t know.” Billy has to hold back another whine and quickly lets go of his book before he can start accidentally ripping out pages. “Why…why are you…?”

Shyly, which is very rich coming from someone in the middle of giving him a footjob in public, Steve says “Just trying to make you feel good. Can’t use my hands from all the way over here.”

Despite these words, his stare on Billy is hungry, and he can hear Steve panting softly through his words. The distant part of his mind that’s still rational wonders what is that’s doing it for him – that Billy is kinda weirdly turned on by his feet, that Billy is somewhat at his mercy, or that anyone could catch them doing this. Or maybe it’s a little of all three.

Unable to take it any longer, Billy gently pulls Steve’s sock off, preferring to be able to touch warm skin, and cups the top of his foot against his dick. He strokes Steve’s ankle and rolls his hips as subtly as he can, swallowing a moan as Steve’s dark longing stare holds him captive.

“Dunno where you got an idea like this, heartbreaker,” Billy croaks.

“We can stop,” Steve suggests sweetly, pushing his heel against his aching balls and flexing his toes again. Watching Billy’s eyelashes flutter and the way the hand still on the table clenches and unclenches spastically. Steve nibbles his lower lip and lowers his voice to a suggestive, throaty husk “Or you can just come for me.”

“Steve.” He doesn’t know which is stronger, surprise or desperation or fear.

“Nobody’s watching,” he promises, still in that honey-sweet persuasive purr. He emphasizes this with an up and down rub against the denim seam and licks his lips with an obscene flick of the tongue.

Billy’s cock twitches hard, weeping pre-come into his boxers, and he knows that Steve can feel it because he’s losing the effort to hold in that wicked smile now. His tongue darts out again, like he can taste Billy in the air, and Steve squirms around like he’s trying to relieve the pressure on his own cock.

He sinks down in the booth and spreads this thighs apart, holding Steve against his prick with a little more pressure. He pleads “F-faster, darlin’. Just a little…”

Billy can feel the muscles and tendons in his ankle flexing and shifting as Steve immediately gives in, all coy teasing over as rubs at a pace clearly meant to bring Billy off even through the thick fabric. An echo from the past murmurs “Yeah, it’s me. Don’t cream your pants.”

His lips form around a silent ‘fuck’, trying not to be extremely obvious when he bucks into the contact, choking off his noises to soft helpless whimpers.  

“Fuck, you are so hot,” Steve breathes in the present, nostrils flaring. He’s almost openly panting now and his eyes look nearly black.

Black holes that want to completely consume him. Billy bites down a scream and comes, wet and sticky, because beneath that angel-faced sweetness is a wicked, hungry smile. Just for Billy.

Lazily, Steve takes a twenty dollar bill from his jacket and slaps it down onto the sticky table. “Gimme my sock back,” he says, collecting all his papers and fondly stroking down Billy’s thigh before taking his foot back. “Do you like French silk?”

“Who doesn’t?” Billy says faintly, dazed.

“Good,” Steve says, all sugar and sweetness again. Billy’s fucking dizzy, man. “I made us one. Let’s go.”

“Don’t you want…?” His eyes dart down to Steve’s lap.

“Already did,” and there’s a hint of that dark gleam again. “Watching you, baby.”

Holy fucking shit.

[complicatedandstained]

The Other Day at Hot Topic: Kingdom of Isolation

Xion’s plan had been to get to the mall early. And not just the regular kind of early. The ridiculous, what-the-heck-was-I-even-thinking-?, now I have to go buy a coffee and scroll through my Instagram feed twelve times kind of early.

The plan had been to surprise Roxas. Roxas being her college roomie and favorite human bean and best friend since they split a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich in fifth grade.  

“Hey bestie, I got a job next door to you and now we can hang out on our breaks and Christmas shop together and gossip about your SEXY NEW GINGER CRUSH and give each other rides home and chit chat and stuff.”

Just, you know. Something along those lines, maybe.

Except Xion does not get to the mall early.

She was going to leave on time—really, she was—but then she started watching the second half of this Hallmark Christmas movie that she couldn’t remember if she had seen before or not. And then, it was time to leave, but the movie wasn’t quite over yet.

And Xion needed to know if the middle-aged, big city celebrity chef lady was going to stay with the smexy, small town cookie baker with the heart of gold that she used to date in high school, and thereby rediscover the magic of Christmas, or if she was going to go back to the gorgeous, but kind of boring, but definitely more financially secure, attorney she had been seeing back in NYC, who, footnote, plays the prince in a different Hallmark Christmas movie.

Also, Xion was all curled up on the couch of her parents’ condo, nested in pillows and blankets, and her chubby black cat, Pete, was sitting on her lap, and he looked so peaceful, she didn’t have it in her heart to disturb him.

Also, she hadn’t quite finished her mug of tea.

So, by the time that the celebrity chef lady and the small town cookie baker had their tasteful yet disgustingly romantic first kiss during the first snowfall of the season, just after they had won the town’s annual baking competition and donated the prize money to the local children’s hospital, and Pete the Cat had deigned to move on to another part of the loveseat, and her tea was gone, it was well past when Xion should have left if she wanted to be the regular kind of on-time.

The best part of running late is that, because Xion is literally running, she does not have to exert as much effort as she usually does to force herself not to go into Hot Topic and buy half of the inventory.

The worst part of running late is, of course, the actual running, which is making itself known as the air enters her lungs with an unusual sharpness, and sweat glues her long-sleeved white blouse to the small of her back and the inside of her elbows.

The second worst part of running late is that she does not get to surprise Roxas.

And the third worst part of running late is that when she skids to a halt in the entrance of Claire’s, her black combat boots squeaking like rubber ducks, and her breaths a bit heavy, nobody actually notices.  

Xion lifts her phone from one of the pockets of her black denim overall mini-dress by its pink bunny ear attachment and checks the time.

Five minutes early.

“Fuck,” Xion mumbles, and then slaps a hand over her mouth as a five-year-old trying to fit an entire candy cane in his mouth jostles her knee.

*

The new woman’s wearing sheer black hose with black combat boots, under a short black dress with overall straps and a long-sleeved white blouse. Looped around her arm is a black handbag shaped like the head of a cat, with three yellow eyes. Her own dark eye make-up makes her eyes enormous.

She’s nodding gently to a kiddo with half a candy cane in its mouth, who is animatedly explaining to her what kind of dinosaur it wants to be when it grows up.

Sizing the new young woman up as he, Larxene, and Marly approach, Axel can’t help but think Saïx will be a little disappointed Hot Topic didn’t nab her first. She’s so on-brand, it hurts a little. Axel’s half waiting for her to welcome him to Night Vale.

Then again, he sees why Marly called dibs.  

Aside from a short, choppy black bob that would have looked more at home in the flapper era, she is every inch Kairi 3.0.

She has, objectively speaking, the world’s softest smile. She’s short and slender, her face too thin and heart-shaped, her skin the kind of pale that doesn’t tan. Although, unlike Kairi’s 1 and 2, he can still see a smear of hastily applied sunscreen thumbed across one cheek.  

“I’d want to be an Apatosaurus,” the new employee replies in a soft voice to the kid without prompting. “Maybe we could be herbivore friends, is—” She pauses, eye catching on someone in the crowd. “Is that your mommy looking for you?”

The Claire’s newbie turns the child by the shoulder.

A relieved looking woman with another two kids hanging on either arm, alongside at least four shopping bags, hustles over to corral the third one, offering Newbie a grateful smile.

Think I just met your soulmate, Axel will text Naminé later that day. How’d you feel about a pastel goth? Naminé will send back seventeen question marks in response and not receive a reply.

*

“Over here.” 

Marly waves Newbie over to Axel and Larxene. They have paused near Axel’s piercing station, just beside the shop window, only a few feet away from the mouth of Claire’s, so that Marly can continue to monitor the traffic trickling in and out while they chat. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Larxene mutters to Axel as she catches sight of the approaching Newbie. Larxene’s obviously seeing what Axel saw because her eyes get bigger and her lips twitch—whether in disdain or amusement, he can’t tell. 

Axel nods his reluctant agreement. “Think you’re outdone yourself this time, Marly.”

“Her hair is completely different than Kairi’s…” Marly argues, scowling as Larxene playfully swats his arm. 

“That’s the only thing.” Larxene takes another long look at Newbie. “What are you and Vexen growing these things in a lab or something?”

The heavy electronic beat of the club overtakes the hum of Christmas music, and Axel’s nostrils fill with the sickening sweetness of e-cigarette smoke instead of vanilla bean. 

The gaunt face of the med student with his pin-straight, platinum blond hair materializes in Axel’s mind’s eye, his pale, narrow lips curling up as if at the tail end of yet another condescending remark.

Axel winces, hisses, “Larxene, really?” His gaze shifts to Marly, concerned. It’s difficult to imagine what’s whirling through his head. Axel’s not sure if Marly never told Larxene what happened between him and Vexen; if it slipped her mind; or if she’s just 100% that bitch.

Marly’s own smile has evaporated, but not his composure. His posture remains sure and confident as ever, though his arms cross with an air of impatience. “Now’s hardly the time for this conversation.”  

Axel makes yet another mental note to ask Marly when he last went out with somebody. Axel and Marly aren’t exactly best friends. In fact, he’s not sure Marly would bless him with basic human interaction at all if Marly and Saïx weren’t so close, and they are so close—a gardening club of two, high-end fashion snobs, closet The Bachelor addicts.  

Axel and Marly, not so much. So, ordinarily, Axel would mind his own, but under the circumstances, he might be the only man for the job.  

If Larxene doesn’t know what happened between Marly and Vexen, and Saïx definitely doesn’t know what happened… that just leaves him. He’s not exactly Mr. Matchmaker, but he supposes he could give it a whirl. 

Larxene doesn’t miss the tension that passes between her two favorite coworkers, and she rolls her eyes. “Axel needs to get over it already.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Axel counters, tone gone hard, cold, hoping she’ll drop it, if she realizes the wound is still fresh. Which it is—it’s just not him bleeding.

“Everybody knows, Axel.” Larxene plants her hands on her hips. She leans closer, in his face. “You and Saïx and Marly and Vexen went out and drank too much. You flirted with Marly’s date all night long and then got pissed when he made a pass at you. Saïx found out, so you blamed everything on Vexen, and now he’s fired. How’m I doing?” 

She reaches out to rap her knuckles against Axel’s chest. “Because if you’re not careful, you’re going to wind up doing the same damn thing to your new buddy boy.”

Axel grits his teeth, something burning in his chest. Months. It’s been months. He thought the worst of this was done with. Leave it to Larxene to dredge it up. 

No wonder she’d gotten in such a snit about Roxas.

“Well, you seem to know what you’re talking about.” Axel’s just as tempted to tell her everything as he is to tell her off. She’d feel like shit if she knew. She would understand. 

But it’s not his place. 

This isn’t the response she’d been expecting. Her confidence slips for a second. “Am I wrong?”

Marly steps between them. He places a hand on Larxene’s shoulder, “Shut,” a hand on Axel’s, “up.” 

Marly doesn’t look like he’s hurting, there’s no pout to his lip, no wild, injured animal wideness to his eyes, but the command in his voice is sharp and the grip on Axel’s arm is firm and insistent. Hurt doesn’t always look the same on everybody. 

The message is clear. Keep your mouth shut, Axel. You promised you would. 

Axel can’t help but glare at Marly, Marly stares back, wearily. Realizing how misdirected his anger is, Axel’s expression softens. He covers Marly’s hand with his own, and smirks at Larxene. “None of your business, babe.”

Ordinarily, this would make her absolutely explode, but with Marly grounding her shoulder and the approaching Newbie stopping just in front of her, Larxene becomes painfully aware that she’s standing in the middle of Claire’s in a goddamn flower crown. 

Larxene blinks at Axel, the kind of calm that’s too calm, the eye of a storm. “Fine. Sorry I brought it up.” 

Marly’s hand loosens on Axel’s shoulder. There’s something in his nod like gratitude. Axel wishes it made him feel better. Doing the right thing really sucks. 

They shift their attention to the new recruit whose wide blue eyes scream: SOS. What the fuck did I sign on to?

Which honestly sounds about right to Axel. God, forget Kairi. This is Roxas all over again. 

“I’m so sorry if I’m interrupting…!” Newbie exclaims too quickly in her quiet voice. Her lips halt in an apologetic pout and her hands clutch tightly at the strap of her alien cat head handbag. 

Axel and Larxene both sigh and ease out of their locked glares, but the air still feels a bit thick, almost staticky with tension. Frozen’s “Let It Go” seems to be playing six times as loud as it should be. 

“Not at all,” Marly says, but it doesn’t come out sincere enough for anybody’s taste.

 *

Xion had certain expectations about what her coworkers at Claire’s would be like: bubbly, chatty, smiley females, maybe a little shallow, maybe a little dumb. Maybe she had been stereotyping. Maybe she had watched one too many Christmas movies. Maybe she’s jumping to conclusions.  

Watching the trio in front of her, flower crowns settled in their vibrant hair, bickering in quiet tones dripping with sarcasm, almost launching into a full on, fist-clenched argument as Queen Elsa belts her heart out overhead, Xion is not sure whether she wants to laugh or cry.

But then the crazy tall one with his wild red mane and the well-dressed, The Rock level muscle-y one with the pink hair that had seemed so nice and pleasant when he interviewed her and talked to her earlier—Marluxia—seem to come to some kind of abruptly tender understanding. So, the angry blonde chick seems to reign in her temper. 

And that makes Xion feel just a smidge better about things. She’s a sucker for a happy ending.   

And at least they didn’t realize she was late. 

But then all three of them turn, these expressive, snide, emotionally-charged Claire’s people, and they are looking right at her, their neatly manicured brows raised in question.

Xion feels a little bit like she had day one, back in the middle school cafeteria, before Roxas had offered her a seat and a half of his grilled cheese sandwich, looking out at the strangers, wondering which sharks to throw herself to. The strangers looking back up at her, wondering what the hell the new kid who hadn’t said a word all day was going to do now.

Fuck.