#even now im still trying to make sense of my own feelings in terms of forgiveness and whatnot

[mental-skillness]

it would explain so much

[awearywritersworld]

there can be no covenants between men and lions

ryomen sukuna x reader summary: sukuna would rather contemplate your murder than come to terms with his feelings for you, but you call him out on his bullshit. w/c: 3k tags/warnings: enemies to lovers. angst to fluff. aged up!yuuji. heavy kissing. features yuuji x reader and he is, of course, best boy. cursing. sukuna decides he wants to kill you (so obviously there are mentions of murder and such) but cant even stand the sight of you upset, what a goof. i'd once again like to think sukuna's not too ooc in this but im still more than likely delusional. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. no manga spoilers. a/n: i was so touched by all of the love that part one received, i wanted to try my hand at part two. i hope i've done it justice! just as part one references homer's the odyssey, this references homer's the illiad because sukuna is very hot and well read. achilles, the protagonist of the novel, is discussed. i'm definitely open to writing a part three, because this one is much heavier on the angst and i miss soft sukuna from part one. series masterlist // masterlist

you and yuuji rarely argue, but when you do, it's often over his aversion toward seriousness, even when a situation calls for it. though you really should have kept your mouth shut, because in this moment, you'd give anything to see his typical carefree expression.

his eyes are regarding you intently, taking in your flustered appearance with knitted brows.

"yuuji..." you trail off, wracking your brain for an explanation of your current predicament.

despite the fact he regained control of his body only moments ago, one of his hands is curled around the back of your neck, while the other is resting on your hip.

"baby, what happened?" he presses, the tone of his voice entirely unreadable.

"s-sukuna," is all you can manage to choke out.

his eyes darken immediately, his jaw tensing in a way that intimidates you. "he hurt you."

you really can't tell if it's a question or a statement, and your response comes a little too quickly. "no! that's not... no."

the next few seconds tick by in a slow sort of agony, heat creeping up your cheeks.

he notices for the first time that his head is eerily quiet. no snide remarks, no scathing commentary. just his own thoughts as he pieces together the situation.

his gaze drops to the angry, red marks littering your neck and you watch in helpless horror as understanding passes his features.

"oh."

the word hangs in the air as you await his reaction, fully anticipating disgust and betrayal. you're positive it's only a matter of time before he throws you out of the apartment and tells you to never come back.

what you don't expect, however, is the way his shoulders relax as the tension leaves his face.

he straightens himself, arms falling to his sides, but he doesn't put any distance between your bodies.

"how long have you...?" he's not quite sure how to phrase the question.

"a few months. this was the first time anything... um... happened. we usually just talk."

he tilts his head to the side, so you clarify. "after you've fallen asleep."

mulling over the information, he hums in response, looking thoughtful for a few more seconds. then, his usual demeanor is back and he grabs your hand. "wanna get dinner? i'm starving!"

he tugs you a few feet toward the door before you come to your senses. "woah, woah. wait a second, yu."

when he looks back at you expectantly, you find that his face holds not one hint of bitterness or judgement. "aren't you angry?"

you're amazed to find that he's the one looking sheepish.

"how could i be? it's not exactly easy to be with me when i have a thousand year old curse rattling around in my body, but you stay anyway," he expresses, making your heart soften. "i just want you to be safe, so i'll take whatever relationship the two of have now over him being a threat to you."

as your hands reach up to cradle his face and your eyes sparkle with adoration, you briefly wonder how you ever found such a sweet man. he places a quick kiss to your lips, the smile on his face easy going as ever. "sooooo, i'm thinking takoyaki or maybe udon—"

"we can get whatever you want," you glance at the spatters of blood across his chest left there from the mission, no doubt from sukuna's careless slaughter. "as long as you go wash up first."

"right!" he agrees quickly, bounding off to the bathroom.

you stand alone in the middle of your living room, left with the ghost of both yuuji and sukuna's lips against yours and a sense of bewildered excitement.

back in his prison, however, sukuna is furious with himself. he should have let you die that day he kept you from being run over. better yet, he should have killed you with his own hands before the brat won back control of his body.

he is a terrible being that delights in carnage, a fact that's well known even centuries later. so why, when he could have done anything in the world, did he go to you? you even asked that same question before you—

he rejects the memory of you pressing your lips to his disdainfully.

your foolishness and your naivete are revolting. your softness and your pliancy are nauseating.

he shouldn't have been anywhere near you, if not to rip your obnoxious heart from your chest like he'd always planned. it was a situation he'd dreamt about and now it's slipped through his fingers, even though those same fingers had graced your fragile little neck.

you were nothing more than a clueless mouse in the jaws of a snake, and though the pains of hunger have been tearing at its stomach for years now, the serpent let itself starve.

sukuna retreats to his domain, fingers prodding at his temples irritably. he allows himself to wallow for a few hours, shutting out both you and the brat.

then, steeling his resolve, he begins to watch and wait like the predator he knows himself to be.

lulled into a false sense of security regarding your safety, it's clear that yuuji has let his guard down. just barely so, but enough that sukuna can see a few weaknesses in his chains. ironic seeing that, now more than ever, the king of curses wants you dead.

it goes without saying that he promptly ceases his nightly interactions with you. it's beneath him, wasting his time with a human. he knows that now.

but while he may not speak to you, he cannot refrain from stealing glances as the days stretch on. you're usually reading, completely oblivious to his watchful eye. he convinces himself it's simply to keep tabs on you, as he's deemed you his foremost enemy.

he's not sure how much time has passed when you begin calling out for him in hushed whispers after yuuji falls asleep, the hurt and confusion in your voice plain to him. it's irksome, and evidently, you're incapable of taking a hint.

his silence becomes more painful with each turn of the moon. you're a bit mortified to find that you genuinely miss him, so you just want answers. did he finally realize that you're nothing special, not worth bothering with?

eventually, growing restless, you all but beg him. "sukuna, please. talk to me. what happened? what'd i do wrong?" his chest tightens with what he believes is vexation. "you can't just make me like you and then disappear. you can't kiss me like that and then—"

"you insolent, maddening little creature!" his eye flies open just in time to see you gasp, your body jerking away from him. "shut up already! can't you see i want nothing to do with you? don't you tire of being pathetic?"

you don't dignify him with a response, swallowing thickly and turning away from him.

finally, he thinks, some fucking quiet. though if he's gotten what he wanted, why does his chest still ache?

he stares at the back of your form until the sun rises.

sukuna is no simpleton. he can be patient when he is sure of a reward, but he's thrilled that the perfect opportunity arises just two days after your encounter.

yuuji is exhausted. gojo kept him out all last night, despite the grueling mission he had today, and when he all but stumbles through your apartment door, the moon is already high in the sky.

you never mention the change in your relationship with sukuna to yuuji. even though he was so understanding, you still feel a touch awkward discussing it further. and maybe in the back of your mind, you're holding out hope that it might go back to the way it was.

sukuna watches through yuuji's eyes when you greet him, your expression half concern and half 'i told you so'. nights out with gojo usually lead to this very situation.

he showers while you finish cooking dinner and once you both eat, he helps you clean up despite his exhaustion. after whispering his thanks and pressing a kiss to your temple, he retires to bed.

you promise you'll join him soon, but sukuna knows it probably isn't true. following his outburst, you've taken to staying in the living room until you're ready to sleep.

yuuji's out before his head hits the pillow and nearly two hours later, you're still not in bed. sukuna's eager, but waits until he's sure the brat's deep in his slumber before he tries to take over. it's relatively easy, and he pushes down yuuji's unconscious mind as far as he can before rising to his feet.

this is finally it. he stretches his limbs lazily, a dangerous smirk settling on his lips. the floor creaks with each step he takes, but he pays no mind to stealth. you're no match for him.

tonight, you'll be his first victim of many and the thought of making up for his past misjudgement has him giddy with excitement.

but the sight that greets him upon exiting the bedroom— you curled into yourself on the couch, your shoulders shaking with quiet sobs— it stops him in his tracks.

he wants to move, more than anything, so what the fuck is wrong with him? is the brat taking over already?

and why is that uncomfortable sensation making it's home in the center of his chest once more?

when you notice his presence, your face shifts to him and reveals your wide, teary eyes. it's clear you're surprised by his appearance, but you quickly bury your face in your knees.

you just want him to leave you alone. you hate him for what he said, for what he did. he forced his way into your life, made you care about him, and then he just vanished. he's cruel and you feel like an idiot because you should have known that from the beginning. or maybe you did and he just made you forget.

"go away. i.. i don't want to see you."

he's disbelieving, for a brief moment, that here you are giving him orders while he stands in the doorway with the intention of taking your life.

he moves toward you, invading your space in a way that is meant to be intimidating, but when you look up at him, every emotion ranging from sadness to rejection to indignation is etched into your features. though the terror he hoped to inspire is noticeably absent.

"i said go away!" you swiftly stand up, your hands meeting squarely with his chest as you push him with every ounce of power you have.

you may as well have shoved a brick wall, as he doesn't move even a fraction of an inch. he seizes one of your wrists anyway.

"what is it you think you're doing, exactly?" he spits.

"let go of me!" you beat against his chest with the hand he left free until his fingers wrap around that wrist too.

"enough."

he's certain there isn't a being that has attacked him (if he can even call that an attack) and lived to speak of it, not once in an entire millennia.

so just end the insolent brat and be done with it, he urges himself.

but he can't and he doesn't understand why, so he just stares down at you.

"what the fuck do you want?" you mean for it to come out forcefully and full of spite, but your voice cracks before you can finish.

an excellent question, indeed. what does he want?

he doesn't answer you and it's so goddamn frustrating that you begin to cry again, rambling to fill the discomforting silence. "you've already told me i'm pitiful and annoying. it's clear you think my company is insufferable, that i'm undesirable—"

that ache in his chest is unbearable now. it claws at his ribcage and shreds the flesh of his heart. it makes his stomach twist uncomfortably and rings shrilly in his ears. he can't even hear you anymore, but he can still see the tears sliding down your cheeks and the way you gasp between words.

the truth of the matter crashes down on him and the devastating weight of it is so crushing it squeezes the air from his lungs.

that feeling in his chest isn't annoyance or repugnance. its anguish— the kind that rattles his bones and leaves him sick with regret.

it's because you're in pain, and worse yet, he is the cause of it.

sukuna pushes you back against the wall before you can comprehend what's happening. his hands find either side of your face and you're alarmed to find that he looks... frightened.

"what are you doing to me?" he pleads for an explanation, because he sure as hell doesn't have one.

how can one little human hold such power over him? it's unnatural. it defies all logic and reason.

you stare at him, open mouthed. his face is so close that his breath fans across your skin and it makes you feel dizzy.

"what are you talking about?" you finally ask.

"you should be dead right now," he frets, despair seeping into every word. "it should be easy."

it dawns on you that you should probably feel afraid, but you just don't. his touch is firm, but careful. and there's no malice to be found behind his eyes. "you're not making any sense."

he thinks back on the time you've spent together, trying to figure out how the hell he ended up here— him at your mercy, rather than you at his. he remembers the first time he made you laugh and considers that it may have been the beginning of his unraveling. for the following two weeks, you both discussed homer at length as you made your way through his poetry.

"there can be no covenants between men and lions. wolves and lambs can never be of one mind, but hate each other through and through." you blink at him, recognizing at once that he's quoting the illiad. his voice is low and unsteady in a way that suggests desperation. it makes you shiver. "therefore there can be no understanding between you and me, nor may there be any covenants between us, till one or other shall fall."

your eyes narrow as you begin to understand his his internal struggle, though you're unsure if he's attempting to reason with you or with himself.

"you quote achilles, and rightfully so i suppose, given your common qualities— exasperating pride and a penchant for meaningless violence." he looks relieved, like your seeming agreement eases his mind. it's short lived. "but you forget his passion."

his gaze shifts away from you, his hands withdrawing from your face.

"his passion?" he repeats as if it's the most incredulous thing he's ever heard.

"by the end of the story, is he not acquainted with regret, sympathy, and respect? he doesn't remain blind to the error of his ways forever."

"only a foolish human could make such fanciful deductions," he chides through gritted teeth, still refusing to meet your eye.

you actually laugh at him. "perhaps you shouldn't call upon achilles to make your point after all. at least he grows out of his utterly childish view of the world."

"how dare you?" he demands, his features growing wild as one hand finds your throat (his touch not nearly harsh enough to cause you any discomfort), the other colliding with the wall beside your head. his display doesn't fool you though. "you witless, wretched brat! you're nothing more than a blip in a universe you cannot even begin to understand. you sicken me."

you throw achilles' words in his face just as easily as he did to you. "hateful to me as the gates of hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another."

his gaze hardens, and for a split second, you think you may have been mistaken in your fearlessness, but then his fingers thread themselves through your hair and he pulls your lips to his.

it's rough and commanding, and he tells himself it's only to get you to shut up. to wipe that expression of smug pity from your face.

it's not because, despite the fact you know how awful he is, you're convinced there's something salvageable in him too. nor is it because you tyrannize his every passing thought. and it's certainly not because the feeling of you pressed against him brings him more satisfaction than ripping the hearts from the chests of a hundred men.

ultimately, his denial is overshadowed by his desire. your touch is nothing short of needy as you tug at his shirt, an attempt to bring him even closer, and god does he hope that means you feel just as desperate as he does. he deserves at least a little consolation.

as his hands roam every valley and curve of your body, he deems it unfair that a being whose very existence spells hell on earth should be so taken with such a devastatingly divine creature.

"i've wanted you so terribly," he mumbles against your mouth before he can stop himself.

"then fuck you for making us both wait," you breath out.

his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips in response and his lips shift to your neck. "watch that pretty little mouth of yours, brat."

he nips at the spot just below your ear hard enough that it makes you gasp, doubtless a punishment for your impudence. you recover quickly though, wasting no time with your flippant reply. "or what? you'll go back to plotting my murder?"

he pulls away from you abruptly, sighing deeply and pinching the bridge of his nose. "you truly have zero sense of self preservation, don't you?"

"guess so," you shrug, smiling at him bashfully. "can we watch a movie? i'll even let you pick."

you ask as if it's the most normal request in the world. as if he isn't a thousand year old curse that would be off turning the city to ash were he not here with you instead.

he rolls his eyes, scoffing at the ridiculousness of it all. "fine."

[lesbianboyfriend]

tell me about this btvs sexual violence thesis…..

okayyy i’ve been talking around this on my blog forever bc i haven’t had the mental capacity to make a coherent post about it but let me try now!!! i have some older posts that touch on some of these ideas too—i’ve linked a couple of them where relevant but honestly i could not find a bunch of them…but they are somewhere in my btvs lb tag. also note: i’m definitely still workshopping these ideas so id love to hear thoughts/rebuttals/expansions/whatever !!! it’s also all right now mostly working off my own thoughts/observations so i definitely want to do some research….i hope to one day write an actual essay about this

basically the summation of the buffyverse sexual violence thesis is that there is a narrative of sexual violence that is haunting the story. it goes pretty much unaddressed by the narrative at large, but it’s the crux of almost everything that happens.

i think there are two very obvious standout moments in btvs that highlight this sexual violence (the theory at large also encompasses angel but as i’m not entirely done watching it yet im gonna focus on buffy here, though i did touch on it briefly in a recent post about cordy’s death) which are the first slayer story and the spike attempted rape scene. going to talk about the first slayer first cause i think it’s kind of the framework for everything but important to note in terms of info that we get we + the characters aren’t aware of the first slayer story until after the rape scene.

imo the story of the first slayer is deeply deeply coded as a story of sexual violence. it’s about a woman being violated by a group of men who literally chain her down and force something into her. already, we’ve seen how being the slayer has isolated and harmed buffy, kendra, faith….its treated as almost a desirable, enviable position of honor (somewhat similar to how being a victim of sexual assault is sometimes painted as meaning the victim was “desirable”) but particularly once given this context, it’s hard to view being chosen as the slayer as anything but an act of violence against these women.

this is important to note because in a sense, it’s the slayer who upholds the moral binary of the buffyverse where good=soul, human and bad=no soul, demon. now this binary pretty much falls apart upon the slightest examination, because the story would not be as interesting if it was that simple. so there are multiple demon or otherwise characters who straddle this moral boundary—INCLUDING the slayer who not only straddles but enforces it. the outlier characters are presented as just that, outliers to this system, not indicators of its flaws. they are only good insofar as their goodness is directed towards maintaining the system. assimilation, not liberation.

okay, so, the spike rape scene. what’s notable about this scene is that it is, to my knowledge (?), the only moment of sexual violence that is explicitly named as an act of sexual violence. even in angel, which i feel has more overt moments of sexual violence, it’s not actually usually named as such. but what happens in this scene is explicitly named as a rape attempt. it is by far the most significant moment of sexual violence in btvs. so what exactly is going on with this scene?

now, there’s a lot that could be said and discussed about like, spike as a character, his motivations, etc (currently cooking up some thoughts about this myself), but for the purpose of this analysis i want to look strictly at what role spike is playing narratively in season 6. so, looking at this on a doylist level but NOT to be conflated with me excusing his actions on a watsonian level. anyways if we think about it season six is kind of a rejection of the larger moral order previously presented by btvs…i’ve talked about this vis-à-vis the demon/human evil/good binary and how season 6 really troubles those binaries. a lot of the season is about buffy grappling with these notions that perhaps her moral worldview is not correct—which leads to her spike. she’s previously made allowances for spike in this worldview, so she uses him as a sort of vehicle for exploring alternate theories. unlike the other demons we’ve seen allowances made for, spike is not “good” in the sense that btvs posits goodness for demons. he has done “good” things and he can’t hurt humans, but he is pretty explicitly still doing a lot of evil stuff. so spike gets to exist in the greyest area of any btvs character—his chip troubles the binary of who is and is not good/evil, not to mention who is morally killable under this worldview.

through her relationship with spike, buffy joins him there in that grey area. HER humanity (goodness) is questioned, which is not something that’s previously been up for serious debate. i talked before about how the slayer inherently straddles that binary, but as i said, both the characters and the viewers aren’t aware of that at this point. all of a sudden, there’s a total moral upheaval that creates lots of conflict….and this rejection of the prior moral order and exploration of what lies beyond it is what makes season 6 so compelling.

BUT season 6 isn’t the last season. and as we all know, season 7 kind of sucked!!! and went seriously hard on reifying that good/evil binary. so how did we get that wild shift between seasons? the rape scene.

as we know, “real evil” is only done by demons despite the countless terrible things we’ve seen human characters do. when spike tries to rape buffy, it cements him firmly back into the realm of monstrosity. violence, evil, whatever, they’re all signifiers of a monstrosity that removes the character of their humanity. we see this argument time and time again irl when people argue that people who do bad things are no longer human, thus rejecting the idea that they themselves are also capable of those bad things. this is why it’s so important that this moment is named as rape, as sexual violence, unlike the other instances. with the attempted rape, spike is ousted out of his grey area, back into “evilness”. buffy, as his victim this time, necessarily returns to the opposite side of the binary as him. buffy stops fighting against her role as slayer—she stops questioning the veracity of the system. in fact, she goes on to expand it, violating even more women in the name of “good.” spike realizes he has to conform to this moral order in order to “have” buffy (much to be said about that another time lollll) and regains a soul, the necessary signifier of his “goodness” and willingness to support the system he once troubled so severely. thus, the moral order is restored through an act of sexual violence, highlighting exactly how it predicated on the very sexual violence it claims to abhor.

some loose notes on other working parts of the thesis:

-general historical connection of vampire stories to sexuality (carmilla, dracula, etc)

-vampirism as sexual predation (penetration, vampires picking victims by seducing women at clubs)

-mystical pregnancy (in angel especially: cordelia, cordelia again, darla, cordelia…..) as a violation in and of itself and also a vehicle towards death

-angel and buffy in general. him being attracted to her since she was. 14

-sex with buffy returning angel to evil? not sure exactly how this would fit in yet but. there’s something there

-spike’s entire attitude for women

-xander’s whole deal

-as a matter of fact the way that pretty much every male character is misogynist

-episodes ted and billy (angel) -> presenting violence against women as stemming from an inherent monstrosity (billy somewhat contradicting this? but also reifying it. it’s left unclear tbh)

-darla in angel season 2 as a parallel to buffy in season 6…need to think more on this one as well

-dana….

[ecoterrorist-katara]

hello hello! can i just say, i love your takes so much. it feels like you’ve read my mind on how katara would actually react in certain situations. currently myself, im rewriting the structure of the show in a way that makes more sense (aka, getting rid of kataang altogether and focusing on actual growth for each character including aang!) and im struggling a bit on aang actually!

we know how brykke basically stunted aang’s growth because of their weirdness. but what if aang never had a crush on katara? what if he sees katara as the big sister he always wanted instead, making their relationship more wholesome than weird? i think he’s such a centralized character, but when i develop the others beyond the show, aang feels like he’s left behind.

maybe that’s part of it too! he is a boy out of time, and now more of a concept than a person as far as anyone else outside of his immediate group knows. in this au where i intend to age everyone up, i’m just curious to see what kind of man aang would grow up into if his motivations for katara was never there. i see him as trying to hold onto his lost childhood and then having to come to terms with the fact he can’t. but i’d love to hear your thoughts. who is aang outside of that? his journey has the opportunity to be so fascinating, but brykke kind of said hey! let’s not get into that! let’s make him a creepy god boy who gets whatever he wants!

(also to note, this version of aang is meant to be with azula and while i love the meta ive seen about taang i do personally hc her as a lesbian but i do like them but yeah!)

also sorry if this is too rambly i’m just very excited!

hi! This is such a nice message, and please never apologize for rambling! My blog is a safe space for all ramblers. Your fic sounds like a very exciting project!

I definitely agree with you that he’d try to hold onto his childhood & have a hard time with his grief; coming to terms with the depth of his loss would be an exceptionally interesting arc. His people were victims of genocide: his culture and his loved ones were brutally murdered. Nobody can replace that community, not even his chosen family of the Gaang, and certainly not a romantic partner.

But Aang certainly is somebody outside of all that tragedy too. I think his cheerfulness and optimism, his playfulness, his resilience, his reluctance to assume responsibility, and his prodigiousness are all important facets of his personality.

Here's my piping hot take: Aang is James Potter with a more tragic backstory and less of a cruel streak. Think about it: mischievous, funny, adventurous, brave, enjoys attention, popular, devoted to friends, prodigious, entitled when it comes to love interests, morally inflexible, dedicated to Good, can be too arrogant to recognize his own faults. We hear that James became a pretty decent guy, so there's plenty of potential for growth for Aang, especially if he doesn't get his forever girl at age twelve.

Aang has a big heart and stringent morals, but is still a bit of a trickster. Not in a malicious way, but in a “I have a zest for life way” that gives him a little bit of an edge beyond just being a sunshine boy. You can see this even in ep 1, when he sacrifices himself so that the village would be left alone, only to haul ass out of the Fire Nation ship as soon as they’re safe. You can also see it in The Great Divide, where he straight up just fabricates history lmao. Lying is not an issue for him at all, which indicates it’s not really part of his moral code.

On the other hand, he obviously feels very strongly about taking life, which indicates a black and white approach towards morality that is not uncommon in kids. I could see an older, more mature Aang being led to question his own approach to morality, particularly by someone like Zuko, who probably finds violence a lot more palatable than lying. I think there are very interesting cultural differences that can be explored here, which doesn’t necessarily mean that Aang will change his opinions, only that he’ll have greater respect for how other cultures see right and wrong, and that he can keep Air Nomad culture alive without taking on the burden of being the manifestation of that culture. He has the innate impulse to try to see the best in people, which is at odds with his black and white morals sometimes. Related to that, he really struggles with morally grey characteristics in his friends. I think that if he had a fleshed out opportunity to properly disagree with his friends, he may not necessarily change his own mind, but he might grow to value his friends' freedom of choice over imposing his own values on them, since one of the cornerstones of Air Nomad philosophy is apparently about freedom. I think his pacifist voice is an important contribution to their ragtag group of overpowered pre-teens and teens and I love it when that aspect is explored in fics.

I've seen some really good depictions of Aang-not-obsessed-with-Katara in fanfiction (Southern Lights has my favourite one; in fact it's my fave characterization of basically everyone except for Mai). I see most of his flaws as things he can grow out of, but only if he encounters difficult situations and learns to grow. Have fun with your fic, and please do share in any relevant tags once you start posting!

[dano-or-not]

you said you were running out of things to say about mob psycho, so i wanted to ask your opinion on the parallels between toichiro and mob (but not the ones everyone talks about, like how mob could've turn like toichiro if his life was different and stuff like that), specifically the parallel of how their two battles ended.

in s2, their battle ended with mob saying that leaving toichiro to suffer alone would be too sad, not matter how much he dislikes him, so he decided he is going to help him. and he does that by absorbing a lot of toichiros energy before it explodes, which ultimately saves his life.

now, in s3, ???% was about to deal a final blow to shou and toichiro, only to stop because of how hard mob was trying to contain himself, so toichiro announces he is going to stop ???% by absorbing his energy, the exactly same thing he did for him, the only thing only the two of them could do. shou objects, and before toichiro could go through, he realizes that in the end, what he's doing now is no different from what he always did, run away from his family, so he ultimately decides to run away with shou, leaving mob there desperately trying to stop himself.

i barely see anyone talking about those two scenes, but they've been on my mind forever for so many reasons.

how both of them made their decisions and they aren't right or wrong, they're choices, choices made by them because they are the ones in charge of their own lifes, it was mob's choice to stay there and help him, just like toichiro deciding to run away was his

there's also the fact toichiro says to mob that he's not as strong as him before leaving, which on a surface level seems to be about his strength, but i see that dialogue as him saying hes not strong enough to be willing to sacrifice himself despite all that he might lose, and that makes me crazy!

there's a lot more, like how desperate mob must have felt, we see in s2 mob in his room pondering if someone would stop him if he went out of control. and at that moment, with toichiro walking away, it must have felt like it was over, he had already told teru before to hit him with all he had, to stop mob, but he couldnt, and with suzuki leaving, i imagine how he felt

im soso sorry for the long ask, i don't even know if anything i said made any sense, i have a lot of difficulty putting my thoughts into words, and that gets 10 times worse because of my terrible english lol, i just saw your post about not having any new ideas and it gave me courage to try and send something, im usually very embarrassed bc i always feel like im saying sum wrong LOL, but your blog is my favourite on tumblr and your works are absolutely amazing so im glad to be sending you something, much love

Hello fifth anon!!

And thank you for helping me with post ideas, it's nice and appreciated!

You're so right about the mix of similarities between Toichiro and Mob's face offs in season 2 and season 3! I totally agree; neither of the decisions they made were perfect. Was it good that Mob was going to sacrifice himself? No. Was it good that Toichiro ran away from Mob at ???%? No. But was it good that Mob refused to abandon his morals and continued to show unyielding compassion? Yes. Was it good that Toichiro finally made a choice for his family rather than himself? Yes. Just like you said, their choices were just choices, and luckily happened to be ones that worked out.

As for Mob's point of view in season 3, yeah that must have been rough. At that point Toichiro seemed to be the only person who could stop Mob, and he walked away (for good reason). Even though Mob wanted him to run, it still had to have felt like defeat.

Toichiro did the exact opposite of what Mob did in season 2 when placed in an identical situation, and I think that did an excellent job of wrapping up Toichiro's character arc. He's finally taking care of what's most important to him and acknowledging that he isn't the best by saying how Mob is stronger in terms of both power, empathy, and preparedness to self-sacrifice for others.

There were two choices for Toichiro to make and they were equally bad. As the viewer of course we want Mob to be saved as fast as possible, but can you really blame Toichiro? Sometimes you help people who won't be able to repay you, but that doesn't mean they didn't deserve it.

But Mob Psycho 100 is also a story meant to convey a message, so certain things have to happen in a certain way. In season 2 Toichiro had to learn the importance of being there for people no matter what, and in season 3 Mob had to learn to be there for himself. They taught each other those lessons.

So all in all, I agree with your points and think you were really spot on! I'm glad you had the courage, the longer the ask the more interesting things I get to delve into! And don't worry about ever being wrong, I don't think you can ever really be wrong about story interpretation; if an idea resonates with you then it's right, that's all there is to it :)

And your favorite blog!? That's so cool, thank you so much!!!! :) I definitely had a mini-freak out of joy hearing that lol. I'm glad you enjoy my posts and fics! I'm very honored.

[garricks4thwingqueen]

Im Going to be a Father? Part 2

Trigger Warnings/Spoilers: Some spoilers for Iron Flame (Read at own risk), Swearing

Synopsis: Part 2 to Garrick Tavis X reader I'm going to be a father. You can find part one here

Word count: 1333

 Part 2 

My love: Mo ghràdh

Mine: Mianach 

   You sighed waking up in the middle of the night. You were two months along and it was your first night in Samara. The bathrooms were almost too far away as you just barely made it to the porcelain throne before your dinner came back up. You sighed as you felt soft familiar hands now on you. One on your back and the other making a makeshift ponytail out of your hair. “Seven more months of this.” You groaned leaning back into Garrick's muscular chest once you finally stopped chucking up your dinner and dessert. “And I’ll be right by your side. Through everything.”       “Even telling Xaden? ““Fuck even telling Xaden.” He groaned and kissed the top of your forehead. “Maybe we should tell him tomorrow before he notices.” You placed your hands on your small bump forming. “You're probably right. I still can’t believe you have a small bump already.” Gare said softly. “Maybe there’s two little minis in there.” I said playfully. “You know that wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe we’d get a mini me and a mini you.” “I love you, so much even with everything that's going on-” Garrick placed a gentle finger on your lips and a soft kiss to your forehead, his hands still resting on yours on your small barely visible bump; “I love you to my sweetheart. We will figure everything out we always have. If we have one or two little ones in there; they will both be loved so much by us; their uncle and all their unbiological aunts and uncles.” You could help but sniffle as you leaned back into Garrick. He was right no matter what was going on in your crazy lives your little ones would be loved so loved. Mo ghràdh.  Garrick said softly through your bond. You couldn’t help but let out a tiny sob into his chest. He chuckled softly knowing that you had easily been set off by even the tiniest of gestures he could display romantically or just about anything. You had even teared up on patrol yesterday when he squeezed your hand three times which was your silent words for, I love you. You cried when he asked you to marry him when you were all spending time in Aretia when he asked you on your birthday in your favorite spot to picnic by your favorite waterfall, your dragons flying overhead. Mianach,  I Gconai. You said back through your bond, finally pulling yourself out of your thoughts. 

                                                    Xaden’s POV

    “I’m sorry you got my sister, what Tavis?” “Xad calm down.” You said softly trying to reach for your brother's wrist as he was frantically pacing back and forth. You thought his veins looked rather red, you thought you had maybe even glimpsed some in his eyes but you just shook it off and knew how stressed your brother had been lately especially with Sgaeyl and Tairn being separated. “Calm the fuck down? You're two months pregnant by my best friend and neither of you thought to tell me before now? You know what kind of a blow that is? Especially with me being intinnisic?I probably god damned sensed it before you two even knew yourself!” “Xaden please. I’m sorry.” “Sorry?” “Xaden” Garrick cut me off with a sharp tone. “Right, I’m sorry I lost my cool. I feel like I haven’t been exactly myself lately and to find out my little sister was knocked up by my best friend during a time we are preparing for war. “ “Xa-” My younger sister said softly and reached for my wrist, this time I let her and pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, It’s just-” “I know it’s everything. Timing is shit but Gare and I have already come to terms with it.” “I wondered how long it would take you two; to get the guts to tell me.” I snickered. 

   “Har, Har.” Garrick chuckled, wrapping his arms around the both of us. I could feel my little sister tension ease as she sighed against my chest as Garrick wrapped his arms around the both of us. “We’ll all get through this. We have each other.” Garrick said softly. “Also, Xad?” My sister asked quietly. “Hmmm?” “If we have a boy, we have a name picked out, but I wanted to run it by you first in case we were stealing it.” I chuckled “Oh yeah what is it?” “Fen Liam Tavis.” I almost wanted to tear up. “No, no you aren’t taking it and plus if you do have a boy the first of ours deserves to be named after their amazing Grandfather and I guess I love you both.” I chuckled softly. “I love you both so much.” My sister whispered against my chest.” “Yeah, I love you, and I guess I love your brother too.” Garrick snickered. 

                                            Nine Months Later 

                                                   Y/N POV 

 Somehow having twins got you and Garrick both leave from duty for several months. You both had chosen to fly back to Aretia for the time being the only place you could both have peace and enjoy your twins before having to go back to reality. And if anything were to happen Brennan would be there you thought, and he would be able to help your sick little ones or you or Garrick. You and Garrick had flown back a week after giving birth only telling your brother where you were going. You had flown on Kira as she flew ever so carefully as you held your little girl Caroline Ann Tavis, who was named after your grandmother, your father's mothers. And Chardh who had flown just as carefully if not even slower as he carried both Garrick and your little boy with Hazel eyes; Fen Liam Tavis.  

         “Good morning boys.” You said stretching walking onto the porch of Riorson house. Garrick held Carloine and to your surprise Xaden had been able to come up for a visit and was finally holding one of your little ones, your sweet little Fen. “Would you like him?” Xaden asked, looking up at you. Seeing your brothers rimmed red eyes pained you. It pained you that there was nothing you could do about it. It pained you that it took him this long to even get comfortable to hold his niece or nephew in his new state. You shook your head sitting down on the lounge next to Garrick as you kissed your daughter on the forehead. “I’m just pleased to see you finally holding your nephew and not worried that you’ll turn him venin just by looking at him or that you're going to break them by just touching them.” “Yeah yeah.” He chided. “Hey, don’t give me that attitude. We will figure this out, there has to be something.” You said softly. Xaden sneered. “And if I turn fully.” “Then you're shit out of luck.” Garrick chuckled. “Garrick.” You chided and elbowed carefully taking your little girl into your arms. “Yeah, Yeah I know, be nice.” He snickered. “You're not going to fully turn; we won't let it happen. I asked a scribe in the library to gather up anything they could on the topic; Gare and I may as well do some light reading while we are here.” “Light my ass.” Garrick snickered. “My point is Xa we will get through this. We always have and always will. We are a team of the three of us.”  And you meant it both boys knew you did too. All three of you would go to the ends of the earth to save each from anything and in this moment sitting with your brother half venin or not, your fiancé and your two little ones in your childhood home you could not be more then content even with whatever threats would rise between the three of you in the coming feature. One day you all would have peace as you absent mindedly started to trace your little girl's rebellion relic.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

I'm with you. They've really made an effort to showcase the contrast between his relationship with Tommy and Eddie. Especially during the bachelor party. I mean you know what I'm talking about, right?

Oh absolutely… like i said i have seen a lot of parallels with abby and i would still like to make a post about them all, but one of the biggest parallels ive seen is how casual/dismissive they both are while buck is trying to go the extra mile constantly if that makes sense.

(I am not trying to bash tommy by saying this before anyone takes it that way) but tommy has continuously been shown to be only casually interested in buck as if he isn’t looking for a relationship and more just a fling of some sort (which there is nothing wrong with that) but buck has always wanted to be wanted and loved, so he dives in headfirst- i think this was a big aspect in why abby eventually left because they were in two completely different stages in life, and now we are seeing the same thing with tommy. Im not saying buck’s feelings aren’t “real” or “valid” but i feel like buck is far more into tommy than tommy is into buck— and even then i have my own thoughts on whether or not buck is as into tommy as he thinks he is or if he is projecting his confusion about all these new feelings.

anyway, all that to say is the bachelor party scene seemed to further reiterate for me that buck and tommy aren’t in it for the long term, and that eddie is still one of the only people who will be there for him no matter what, so i feel like (whether we get it this season or in season 8) buck and tommy will be parting ways soon.

thanks for the ask, anon!

[melljam]

gosh this facial expression samuel makes is sooo interesting to me >_<

looong analysis below

only skimmed over some chapters to find it so im not sure if this is necessarily always the case but so far, all the instances ive seen of it have been in relation to samuels inferiority complex and jake

all of situations have been ones where samuel is evidently unstable (because of jake) and yet he can still look strangely calm while being in a manic state , which is considerably unsettling and adds some depth to his unwell behavior beyond “i will beat your ass reeeaally hard” (which is fun but ouhh the psychological aspects of his fights are so interestingg)

-> first image (and its context)

from chapter 311, samuels cruel treatment of the big deal girls prompt them to protest the conditions that he is forcing them to work in to make a 100k won in a month. yeonhui tries to bring up jake and how he would never do this to them and samuel immediately responds by trying to hit her (thank god jerry intervened)

when i first read this chapter and saw this scene i was so enamored with it because oh my god . its just so indicative of samuels character and how much his feelings of inferiority get to him. he doesnt care that he was about to hit yeonhui in front of everyone, he only knows that she compared him to jake and insinuated that jake is better than him, which strikes his sorest spot in the worst way possible (and no one truly understands why)

samuel got a lot more expressive after the big deal arc but his eyes in that picture say so much . he is brimming with rage and jealously over the mere mention of jakes name and comparison to him. the implication that jake could have done better, would have done better, than him just destroys any of his self esteem and sense of achievement while also bringing back all of the grief over feeling like he is no longer on equal footing with jake. he is being reminded of how he is now below him in every aspect (morally, family-wise due to gapryong, and later on in terms of strength since he loses against jake)

he is overwhelmed with his emotions and the only way that it can play out on his face is with a seemingly neutral expression displaying a crazed ache deeply ingrained into his eyes

-> second and third image

from chapter 466, during jake and samuels fight while samuel is drugged to give him a heightened feeling of inferiority and subsequent mania (or ‘frenzy’ as the official translation puts it)

all of his insecurities and terrible feelings are being intensified and it is absolutely not being helped by the fact he is fighting jake, the catalyst for his inferiority complex.

he is also remembering (and experiencing in his delusions) the sequence of events that happened during middle school: meet his real dad and committing patricide, learning that jake is gapryongs son, failing to receive guns approval twice, and becoming goos secret friend

(okay this is a side tangent but i love how this chapter was written to include all of that. the scene where samuel chokes alexander and sees his dad in him, the way he saw middle school jake and his own middle school self after re-realizing that jake is gaps son, the way he keeps on quoting people to show how much those events still affect him. its all written so gut wrenchingly well. i love the mental anguish)

he is effectively feeling his worst throughout this entire fight, and his face spells it outright for us

the second picture is samuels reaction to jake grabbing his collar after he ‘sentences him to death’ and lands a bunch of hits on him in tandem. this is probably looking waaaay too deep into it (but so is this entire post ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) however it almost like samuel is being reminded of his perceived inferiority simply by being stopped by jake. even though he cant be gapryongs son, he can still be stronger than him, right? right? jake continually disprove this and no matter how strong samuel gets, jake always seems to come out on top regardless.

in the third picture samuel is stepping away from his frenzied insanity (and the terrible, terrifying facial expressions that he makes because of it) to quietly question why it is that the universe has put jake in front of him to make him feel awful all over again, with a similar neutral face that displays undertones of distress and misery

and here he says it directly! jake shows up and makes samuel feel pathetic no matter what happens and its just … so perfect how his solemn face reflects how utterly defeated he is by that feeling

the way he is stepping on jake here, quite literally on top of him, yet he still feels lesser to him. he can beat jake up all he wants while smiling but at the end of it? he is still left with a burning feeling of inferiority that never gets resolved. and he can only wonder why that is

the frustration from not being able to figure it out overwhelms him, and thus causes the sudden change of his expression to a serious one. this is the issue that plagues his entire character and so it is only fitting that he reserve a special look for it; one of somber neutrality as the only way he can express his feelings of defeat and inadequacy

-> stylistic analysis

so all of that covered the context which surrounds that facial expression and the psychological aspects of it. while that serves to make the expression impactful as the culmination of all of those factors, the way that his face is artistically depicted also plays into its effect

i mentioned the look in his eyes before when discussing the first image, so lets just build onto that point of a crazed ache in his eyes by explaining why it evokes that feeling. his irises are small and much of the white of his eyes are showing, which is a stylistic choice that usually signals to us that a characters mental health has plummeted

his eyes are also shown to look like that in his other frenzied faces, but the contrast of his crazed eyes with the rest of his emotionless features distinguishes it well

and the second artistic choice i would like to point out is the use of lighting and shadows to depict his face to the audience

shadows are a very useful tool for artists to convey emotion on seemingly neutral or indifferent expressions as a little signal for the reader that the character is seriously ticked off but attempt to not show it

in all of the images, the light source seems to behind his head and leaves his face in the shadows. this lighting conveys a sense of seriousness along with undertones of horror. his somber expression is incredibly unsettling in contrast to all of the emotional turmoil he is feeling, and the use of shadows excels at giving us this visual cue

and its very interesting how the lighting stays consistent whenever he makes a face, signaling a certain emotion (of disdain? of grim comtemplation?? something along those lines i think) each time

final thoughts

well, my first final thought is that i wrote too much about this and somehow managed to overanalyze three panels into a little mess of angsty mush but it was sure fun :)

but secondly, i love how ptj does facial expressions, of course samuels faces in particular (this whole post is about him after all) since he is always so incredibly expressive. i love unhinged samuel, i love his ‘actively in mental decline’ faces. so freaky, so awesome ^_^

third and lastly, the parallels for samuel throughout the story are so, so interesting. i had to resist multiple tangents that go waaay beyond the scope of this post while writing it because of the sheer amount of stuff i found out i wanted to write about. so i will likely be writing more about that stuff in the future :p

thanks for reading !!!

[eepystars]

Carmel Chocolates

Summary: Reader experiences sensory issues which soon stumbles into an overload. The team does everything to help as the reader regresses further.

Fandom: Haikyuu

Characters: Karasuno team

Pronouns: You, ungendered terms but implied male reader

Age: 3-5

Nickname(s): Little One, Bubs/Bubas, Baby

Catagory: Angst to Fluff

Type: Small Fic

a/n: age regression is not a kink. it is a state when a person mentally reverts to a child. all of my fics will involve the au where age regression is known and accepted. I will also be using my own experience with sensory overload to write this fic, so if there are things that you do not relate to 100% im sorry :(

Also this is not proofread, so if you find mistakes please let me know :3

----

Everything was too loud. The sounds of volleyballs hitting the gym floor, the boys yelling and screaming, and the coach correcting everyone. It was too much. You tried to calm down, focusing on your breathing as you looked around. It was too bright. The white overheads and the sun glaring through the window was making your head hurt. Your breathing got a little faster as you tried to ground yourself. Your nails dig into your palms as you try not to look so frazzled. As you went into a deeper state of panic, the voices got louder and the lights brighter, only helping to worsen the situation. With your panicked state, you didn't realize the worried stare of Yachi. It was getting to be overwhelming.

Eventually you decided enough was enough and ran out of the gym as quickly as you can. The sun only made everything worse. Your footsteps were ponding against the pavement-- you didn't even know where you were going. The tears finally flowed from your eyes as you stumbled onto the ground. You couldn't catch your breath, harsh whimpers escaping as you tried. You were sobbing now, breaking down in who knows where. The tears escaping your eyes came out so fast you didn't even realize the shoes in front of you. The figure, blurry from your tears, crouched down to your spot on the floor. Cool hands brushed the tears away and covered your ears from the sounds around you.

You didn't know whose hands they were-- more focused on the cooling touch and the blockage of sounds. It was getting a little better, however the sun was still glaring into your eyes. You were still crying, but, slowly, you started to stop. Eventually, your vision cleared up enough to finally be able to see. It was Suga, which made a lot of sense. "'m sorry.." you mumbled to him. It was embarrassing to react like that in front of your team. He only gave you a gentle smile in return.

"It's ok, little one. No need to cry anymore," he hushed. His tone was gentle, no ounce of malice. "You're ok, little one."

You let out a couple of sniffles and nodded. "T'ank you," you mumbled, giving him a shy smile. You were feeling better knowing he didn't mind. "Let's get you back to the gym, alright? I'm sure the rest would love to know you're alright," he said with a smile while rubbing at your hair. He waited a little, watching your cautious expression as you thought of an answer. "Okay!" you told him cheerily. Maybe the others would be quieter after you're back! His smile brightened as he helped you up. You had some scraps from the fall, but you weren't bleeding. "Hold my hand, bubs, we wouldn't want you to fall again." He reached his hand out and waited for you to hold it. You nodded and held his hand, letting him lead the way back.

By this point, you were pretty deep into your regression, and Suga knew. His gentle coos, soft touches, and bright smiles told you everything. The fuzz was taking over as you watched your steps. You were too engrossed in watching your footprints behind you to realize you finally made it to the gym until Suga stopped walking. "We're here bubs. You ready to see them?" He turned towards you as he asked, looking for any sort of rejection. You give him a simple nod. "Ready!" you smiled. "Alright little one, let's go inside. He held your hand as you both went inside, helping you over the edge.

You blinked, letting your eyes adjust to the dimmed lights in the gym. You soon realized that there was little to no sound-- no squeaking of shoes, no balls smacking the floors, and even the lights were lowered. You looked around to find everyone staring at you. The stares made you feel a little flustered which made you want to hide behind Suga... so you did. You heard him laugh after you hid, making you flush a little. "It's ok, little one. They won't judge," he said. You just whined, not really wanting to face them.

Then, footsteps were heard, coming in your direction. You peak out, seeing a majority of the team coming your way, all with smiles on their faces. Daichi reached you first. "Hey there little one," he said just above a whisper, "Do you feel any better?" He was smiling so gently at you. It made you feel all warm and safe, so you responded. "Mhm... feel better but I fell." You showed him your scraps. "Oh bubs," another voice rang out, "we should get that cleaned up, hm?" You turned to face him, Yamaguchi, and shook your head. "It's gonna hurt! A lot!"

Yamaguchi let out a small laugh and walked a little closer. "Is it ok to see them a little closer, little one?" You thought about it for a moment. "Mmmk..." You hold your hands out, letting him see the brunt of the damage. "Awe, looks like they're just scraps! Let me see your knees now, ok?" he looked at you, speaking in a low tone. You nodded and left your place behind Suga. Yamaguchi inspects your bruised knees, noting the small bits of blood. "Does it hurt, bubs?" he asks. "A little- doesn't hurt anymore," you spoke.

"Well, little one, we do have to clean this up. Right Suga?" He gave a small glance to a nodding Sugawara. "But bubs, it's gonna hurt a little. Can you be brave and let us clean it up?" Yamaguchi asks; you assume he was going to clean up your wounds. You puff up your chest in confidence. "I am brave! So brave!" you say loudly. There were a few laughs that followed after and you let Yamaguchi lead you to Yachi. She was holding a first aid kit and you saw her opening it. "Look!" Yamaguchi pointed. "There's Spiderman bandaids!" You gasped, "Spiderman! I love Spiderman!" You giggled a little, happy that you got to wear Spiderman bandaids.

"Let's get you cleaned up now, hm?" Yachi said quietly. "We wouldn't want your owies to get worse." She started working on cleaning your wounds, starting with your hands. They didn't hurt, as they were not too deep. "All clean, see? Now we're gonna move to your knees. I need you to be the bravest you can, ok?" Yachi was comforting with her shy smile and gentle tone. "Mhm! The bravest!" You gave her a big smile-- one she returned. You started to play with Yamaguchi's hand to distract you as she cleaned. It hurt. Really bad. You let out a couple of whines and pulled your leg away a little. "You've gotta be brave, remember?" Yamaguchi hummed. "The bravest you've ever been!" You let out another whine, "I am the bravest!" You gave Yachi access to your knees once more and play with Yamaguchi's hands again.

She finished in record time, plastering the Spiderman Bandaids onto your knee. "You were so brave! Just like Spiderman!" Yachi says with a big smile. You smile back, happy for it to finally be over. "Any more owies?" Yachi asked, inspecting your form to see if they missed anything. "Nuh uh- no more," you responded. She nodded and packed up her supplies. While she was packing them up, Yamaguchi led you to the rest of the team, who was quietly observing while cleaning the gym up-- they had decided to end practice a little early, with approval from the coach.

"Are you doing ok, little one?" Asahi askes. You nodded, shy again once facing your team. You move so you were behind Yamaguchi and buried your head into his shirt. "Awe! So shy!" Nishinoya said. "Bro, the baby is cute!" You whined at this and flushed, not used to compliments. They cooed at this, finding your behavior adorable. Soon, more of your team members were complimenting you: Suga, Ennoshita, Tanaka, even Tsukishima! You just flushed a little more at the attention. Yamaguchi was chuckling at your reactions, leading you to his side so he could play with your hair.

Everything was ok now, you were getting attention from your team members, talking about everything, playing with them, and even jumpscaring them! You were feeling a lot better, the only thing on your mind being the love you were receiving from your team.

--------------------------------------------------------

First actual post! I'm so sorry for not actually making a fic but I was doing really bad mentally and couldn't find the motivation! But now that schools over, i can write, as i feel so much better :3:3

[the-s1lly-corner]

C, E, F, H, I, J, K, M, N, S and Y, for masky please

Fluff alphabet w/ Masky!

but with these letters :3!! I was gonna do these last night when I first saw you sent this in but im all achey and sore, i still am, but like yk

C (CUDDLES)-

very awkward with cuddles I think- Im kinda revamping how I write for Masky but in general I think he can be stiff in terms of giving or receiving affection in general so this post is going to be interesting! i feel like he might let you cuddle him, but he'll be really stiff in your arms. it won't really be until you guys have been together for a while, and he'll only really pull you into his arms after you've gone to sleep. tends to be the big spoon, doesnt matter if hes taller than you or not (he's 5'7 in my eyes)

very comfy to cuddle with, not too hard not too soft and he's fairly warm

E (EMOTION)-

very collected in nearly every sense of the word! sure you know he loves you but he can.. express it differently than others; usually through acts of service and making sure nothing can get close enough to harm you. in terms of like, actually being emotional

i mean he can get passionate and intense, i always saw him as the one whos more likely to snap between him and hoodie, but!! yeah!! doesnt verbally express his affections, or really in general

the fact he constantly wears a mask certainly doesnt help

F (FAMILY)-

i feel like that's something he would have been interested before he came into contact with slenderman and became a proxy- same goes for marriage, really- like im still torn on how i want to write the proxy dynamic thing but like, i dont want it to be all. "it works out for everyone" you know

ponders

i feel like in the present day, given that he works for a demon, he wouldn't want to bring a kid into the world out of fear that they would become a target, you know?

were this any other timeline or au, then i feel like he would like at least one kid

H (HARSH)-

he can get intense about things, especially when it comes to you and your safety, so that could be a potential source of arguments. masky has set some hard and harsh boundaries to make sure you dont get too entwined in whatever is going on with him

the type to storm off, he doesnt like being around people in general but that gets more intense when hes actively pissed off

you probably wont see him for a while, a day or two. three, even

like he'll still show up you just won't see him or notice he's still watching over you

kinda just. reappears. noticeably distant compared to before

stray cat energy/hj

its gonna take some time before things go back to normal

if he did anything on his end that warrants an apology he'll actually verbally apologize and try to make it up to you, though!

I (INJURY)-

he gets injured a lot, so you're more likely to be the one tending to him. that is if he lets you- he insists to work on it on his own but if you're as stubborn as him he might back off after some badgering

if you're the one hurt all hell breaks loose. he cant help but blame himself since he prides himself on being able to keep watch on you and protect you. unless its like a really normal or mundane injury (ex. a basic fall, cutting/burning yourself while cooking, ect) then he's just. normal about it and tries to help. god forbid someone actually hurt you, though

J (JEALOUSY)-

very jealous, the type to get distant and cold me thinks. already plotting ways to get your attention back. but if someone actually makes you UNCOMFORTABLE?

yeah no its over for that person

insists he doesnt need reassurances or really anything but he doesnt protest if you do it anyway

K (KISSES)-

he rarely takes his mask off, especially not around people, but every now and then he'll lift his mask up a bit and sneak a kiss

LOVES kissing you on the cheek

loves when you kiss him on the forehead

M (MARRIAGE)-

similar reasoning for F, but i feel like he's more willing to go through with something in place of a wedding or commitment to you

very modest ceremony, if there is one, its just you two. no guests, no one else, secluded area me thinks

probably steals some rings that semi match each other

N (NO)-

doesnt like loud or messy people. like he can forgive some mess, sometimes life gets ahead of you or mental health can stand in the way. he knows that first hand. but if you actively/purposefully dont clean out of genuine laziness then thats a deal breaker

also doesnt like pushy people; again its one thing to advocate for your needs but if you consistently push boundaries then its not going to work; especially since a lot of his boundaries are to make sure you dont get hurt

S (SHH)-

oh this man is riddled with secrets. lots of them. obviously this version of masky leans more towards the creepypasta version, but i do want to somehow weave in some traits and ideas from MH as a little nod (and because i love both versions of the character, though im still figuring out how i wanna write him and hoodie, nearly a year later- meshing two opposing characters can be hard!! but hey maybe thats another post for another day when i finally rewatch MH; its been literal years so im a bit rusty on lore and characterization)

very secretive about what he does for work, even if you're like. aware of whats going on/if you're a kriller/monster/ect in universe he simply doesnt like talking about it

Y (YEARN)-

deals with separation pretty well all things considered! sure he might have some worries about if you're keeping out of trouble or staying safe, but i feel at some point he would have some level of trust in you

[kiwibongos]

warning for ab/se & toxic relationships. and sdr2 spoilers duh

im thinking abt the remnants of despair. cause i hate how it just seemed to be like, "theyre suddenly brainwashed and then they turn evilll and they kill because they dont feel anything" like, i hate that. it feels so underdeveloped. it cant just be despair, it has to be deeper than that, i think it'd take personal angles and link with a lot of their own trauma, leaving them really vulnerable and deranged. so heres my own interpretation and headcanons for some of them

contains mikan, nagito, fuyuhiko, peko, akane, kazuichi, and brief analysis of the rest. keep in mind i havent seen the animes yet lol so this is a basic layer of it, but i just rly wanted to let this out cus i dont see it talked about. storing my brainrot here for later moments.

first of all i feel like the brainwashing would be a very slow process bc junko would definitely just manipulate everyone in her way to get what she wants. and by the time the world was plagued basically, all the remnants clearly had really unhealthy feelings related to junko specifically. they all love her, hate her, or praise her, but its all in very different ways that would be bc of their own personal backstories

we all know how mikan and nagito feel. mikan was constantly hurt by other people before junko herself, itd make sense for her to develop a very unhealthy attachment to her. mikan was extremely vulnerable and controllable, she would do anything for anyone and especially junko, just so no one is mad at her, hence why it got so twisted to the point where she wanted to keep a part of her inside forever. she wanted to be loved so badly, she would take whatever form of it she could. thats why it was so easy for junko to get her under her boot. now nagito has an odd love-hate relationship with junko imo (his mind is so messed up man) even if he praises hope in such a grossly obsessed way, the mf still TOOK her arm. i know he did it because he hated her so much and i guess to take power back, but i feel like because nagito had never really been loved, he wanted to try and feel what it could've been like out of some kind of confused desperation and fondness for her in a way, because his mind has no idea what those feelings truly are or what they mean, as hatred and love often get mixed up in his head and form this horrible amalgamation with whoever he meets, which is clear towards the survivors in the nwp anyway

fuyuhiko put junko's own eye into his own socket, and i feel like his relationship with her while in despair would be familial and extremely unhealthy. he is definitely one of the most fucked up to me. id say by my own headcanons though its heavily implied in his fte dialogues, is his parents are very ab/usive right from the start. fuyuhiko is messed up to all hell, he was constantly struck and under pressure but he had to be strong and perfect because he was the head of his clan, hence like his insane tolerance for pain. he had to make his clan, or more importantly his parents proud, or else he was a failure forever. so he clung onto that and did his best trying to be good enough for basically anyone. and even before despair he was in a really bad stubborn, mean, depressive state, leaving him far more vulnerable and more open to violent, impulsive actions as long as junko was smart enough to get him under her finger. fuyuhiko never knew what true love felt like (platonic or not), and when junko took advantage of all of that and he slowly fell into despair, shit hit the fan. he lost morality and he had come so attached to her to the point where junko was like a mother figure to him. he wanted her to notice him and be proud basically, it was moreso the idea of someone-- anyone-- being proud of him, but junko was his main focus of that by now, given his state. to him she was like the mother he never had, who seemed to be on the same terms with everything he had believed, someone who approved of him, so he wanted to make her proud, even if it was hurting him. fuyuhiko would keep digging himself a hole of desperation and self destruction, seeking more and more pain to test his endurance because it's what she wanted, and that became what he wanted, too, because pain is all he's used to. and because of that, makotos guess was right; he wanted to see her despair. it'd make sense he'd want to take a part of her, to see horrors she had witnessed so he could understand it, so she could be proud of him and part of him forever. he felt like if he did that, he would finally succeed, he'd achieve perfection, and he did. he'd done everything junko wanted him to do, while quenching his own thirst for violence itself, all via his own delusions. that was love to him and it felt real

as for peko she was definitely also treated the same in the kuzuryu family but more dehumanized obviously, so i think she'd feel a similar way; always needing to be good enough, but more specifically protecting the ones she cares about at all costs even if it results in bloodshed. i think she'd be a lot colder, forcing to suppress her feelings since she just has to follow fuyuhiko wherever he goes, and she was pretty much as insane as him as well so anything slid. i know peko doesnt want to be a tool, but she'd definitely succumb to the fact that she has to be one when they're under despair at the same time, and if she was going to be his tool, she has to be like a robot and just do what follows, because she didn't see herself as a person, her chance of being her own human was ripped away

as for akane, she grew up very poor, and didn't live a good life at all either (w/ definitely bad parents) but she always tried her very best taking care of her siblings in the past, despite everything. i think there was a lot of twisted familial love with junko whom she started to see as a sister despite being unrelated, just because of being a caretaker all her life, its just kind of instinct to protect anyone, but that just got mixed up as she fell into despair, and she would only protect junko, while chaotically killing anyone else in her way. she'd fight for her endlessly, she was one of the strongest, at least for a while, im thinkin she found her body and wanted to preserve it as much as possible by the end of everything, she still wanted to take care of her and do everything for her even if she had been too late. and with that, and barely any food in an apocalyptic world, the inevitable happens. akane would fall into a very hurtful spiral of self hate, that her starving was a sacrifice to junko so she could prioritize her first instead of herself, while also it being like a punishment to herself for her own failures and how she was failing to preserve junko

kazuichi always hated himself. he was bullied often, didn’t have a lot of friends going into high school, and he was very desperate for attention, especially from women. he’d be very notably attached to junko which would eventually evolve into romantic feelings, similar to mikan. he craved attention and validation so much, it left him very vulnerable, and kazuichi often grows attached to people who show him a sliver of kindness anyway, so junko would likely personally manipulate him and praise him, and they’d grow close, and he’d develop a very strong attachment towards her that derails into love and lust. and once he was influenced by her under despair, he would do anything for her. so, he’d get his hands on a lot of weapons, and go on mindless killing sprees, causing havoc 24/7 just to please her and keep her memory alive through despair. and deep in his mind, he probably truly thought that junko was his soulmate, that they were destined to be together, and he was fulfilling missions just for her, and in the end, they could be together

extra stuff i guess? as anyone would expect, sonia just became a corrupted leader and took advantage of her power under despair. her kingdom would try to keep her above it, but she’d fall into it somehow anyway, and probably had already been plagued by corrupt/unjust views by junko before, so she’d lead her people to worship junko the same way she does, and anyone who stood against it would be punished severely. mahiru falls into morbid curiosity because of junko and gets worse, given what she does with her camera, also both mikan and gundham would try to stitch junko up a little, and try to keep her from falling apart as long as possible. mikan is more likely to do that for her own twisted romantic purposes, but if gundham gets a hold of her before or after mikan, he would take her blood for himself, and most likely start a cult to worship her, all for like weird satanic purposes involving rituals and stuff. he’d also encourage his members or the other remnants to indulge in certain activities for the sake of praising her. gundham would probably even believe she was some demon from the underworld who granted him powers and chose him to carry on her legacy

also teruteru was just a little hungry. boys gotta eat

[electrificata]

here are my house observations, im in season 3

some of the shit house says to foreman is genuinely unforgivable

foreman as a character i generally like. omar epps is giving a good performance of an even-keeled-but-not-without-effort kind of guy, i do like the plotline of a guy who came to learn from an expert whos the worst guy in the world and trying to figure out how to do the same thing without being the worst guy in the world. i also think they way they keep him out of hospital love triangles is racist, foreman is not currently hot but could be with 15% more attention from the writers room.

really sexist as a general rule. i have not encountered the idea of "jailbait" this much in literal years.

hipster racism. its the 2000s. funny to talk abt this because "hipsters" were younger at this point and the character of house is, im assuming, in his mid 40s at the start of the show, but thats the general logic that seems to be on display. "well you know that he's a good guy so its ironic and funny that he's threatening to use the n word as a joke."

a) stupid logic to begin with, doing something ironically is also just doing it, b) doesnt even work on its own terms here because house is widely acknowledged to be an awful person in the context. the entire show is built around the question "how much deliberately annoying, dangerous bullshit will we endure from this dickhead to maintain access to his unique skillset"

i still dont "get" house/wilson. like i do see it, like i can see that theyre a little obsessed with each other and they have a fun mutually manipulative dynamic, and they make sense as foils (guy who's self-consciously awful and often ends up doing noble things accidentally/guy who's self-consciously noble and often deliberately does awful things). but i cannot feel myself going insane about it. if anything i like him better with cuddy

cuddy really really hot. really really really hot. cuddy.

so like yeah i see house/wilson im just not going insane about it the way i thought i might. altho tbh it took a global pandemic and a extended, byzantine renaissance of tumblrina supernatural scholarship to make me have a destiel spiral. i need infrastructure for these things.

cameron's character is such an old school token girl character. i hate how they treat her "niceness" almost as much as i hate how they treat her crush on house.

a better show (written by me) would have some more cuddy and foreman "managing" house plotlines (foreman being a protege allows focus on the legacy of house's medicine, how to replicate it, how to contain damage), probably give him some of the cuddy and wilson time. the three of them together would be good i could do that.

cuddy/foreman. hm. in the remake.

like, i do get how this happened. house is troubled in a durable, interesting way. the writing is good enough to support his layers, the way his snap-judgement psychoanalysis of everyone he meets curls back around to shine a light on his own issues. good balance of competence and patheticness. laurie is giving a masterclass in the niche field of "british comedian comes to us tv drama, grows some stubble, becomes a sex symbol." i read an old review that referred to his "sourpuss charisma" i really like that turn of phrase.

(i was also into josh on the west wing when i watched that last year, i have a type i love antagonism. no im not dating anyone right now, who wants to take me for a candlelit dinner and tell me i smell good and my voice is sexy) (you cant just compliment me, ill be bored or uncomfortable, you have to bury it in a disagreement and make it clear youre kind of mad that youre into me)

that said i think the show kind of misunderstands house's sex appeal. it feels very written-by-men. women characters throw themselves at house in a porny kind of take-me-now way. in my observations guys who are arent traditionally hot but attractive in this antagonistic, talky was dont really get that kind of treatment, but they do get the main cast wilson/cuddy/cameron "i hate this guy but im obsessed with him and i will never make a move or i will and itll go badly" kind of stuff. my phantom house reboot does have cameron and house hook up and its a really mean and destructive fwb thing with like 4 false endings. does this make sense.

right now im in the middle of the plotline where leighton meester plays a 17 yr old girl stalking house because shes so in love. like thats not the vibe. at least from what ive seen. im not omniscient.

lol it turns out she has a spore makign her hypersexual lolllll i literally have this on in the background rn ok i take some of this back.

whenever i mention to someone im watching house theyll recount to me the plot of the one episode they can remember and it always sounds insane and its never made up.

"the one with the intersex teen model who fucks her dad to manipulate him and has testicular cancer" like yeah. yeah thats real. if you talked to me 3 weeks ago thatd be the one i recounted to you.

yes house does leer at her in that episode and its treated as logical and normal for a 45 year old man.

i hate chase, he's awful but boring.

im curious how long im gonna keep watching this, i know the later seasons get kind of soapy plotwise and i dont know if thats what i want out of this

[bettertwin1]

Hi, old follower here from before you had 100 followers. I've got a semi serious question for you.

When I first followed you, I got the impression that you were a RP blog, in the case where you would RP with your "brother" (bettertwin9000), so I followed the rules as such. But later on it seems that this blog is your persona? In terms of everything said to this blog is a personal question to you? It's a weird situation where people asking those intrusive questions make sense for a RP blog, but in a normal blog situation it makes it intrusive.

Tldr, I think many are confused if this is an RP blog or you having Leo as your persona, so can you confirm what this blog actually is?

OMG HI LONG TIME FOLLOWER!!

And, for the sake of things making a little bit of sense, as much as sense as we can manage, keep in mind that we have OSDD, we're a system-

PUTTING IT UNDER CUT CAUSE IT'S LONG 😅

At the start of the blog <- in which we were advertising it as a roleplay blog, it was being run by our host and partially by me though I had no clue what I was doing at the time and bettertwin9000 was being run by our partner <- (which btw, made for some strange asks)

We continued advertising it as a roleplay even when we began suspecting and having full breakdowns over the idea of being a system due to some little things and some big things and lots of research and therapy and blah blah BUT we kept going back on it cause tbh DID is a hard thing to accept and we didn't want it <- still don't

SO now I was trying to run the blog more all the while trying to keep us grounded, IGNORING the possibility of DID and thinking, nah, this is just a really bad cause of delusions and we NEED to get reality checked NOW.

But I ALREADY KNEW i'm not REALLY Leo from rottmnt, but I am him, I was formed from that guy, created? Idk. He made me in his own image type reference audio. WOW IM NOT EXPLAINING ANYTHING 😭😭 did I mention we have a tendency to overexplain <- but specifically for me in the case of explaining things that are hard to explain, ANYWHIZZLE.

We kept going back and forth, confirming and denying the conclusion "we have osdd" cause that's terrifying and while this was happening I was still trying to force us to post and interact and involve ourself in arcs for the sake of distraction from EVERYTHING happening irl and the blog kind of made it worse but in a light hearted way cause suddenly the asks became really gross, and I felt really gross.

Sure, maybe someone who was roleplaying Leonardo would have no trouble answering asks about dead relatives or near death experiences or villains that have physically harmed you and your 'siblings' or about my crippling inability to speak about feelings and whatever else people diagnosed me with on here but I was having trouble answering it, I was getting uncomfortable and I was feeling genuinely overwhelmed because everything that definitely would be great material for a roleplay account was making me just feel, bad. <- which wasn't great considering at the time, feeling bad was not something i could have been affording to do

SO at some point, I started putting boundaries, didn't explain why, just continued under the guise of hey, roleplay guy here, the intruvsive invasive asks about my family and my mental health and my anatomy is making me want to die so please stop andbonly ask fun stuff like idk, if i put salt in donnie's coffee sometimes and everyone was like, yes leonardo in unison.

Then I slowly started getting more adamant on pushing the narrative that I am LITERALLY Leo from the show cause pushing that seemed to really help with the questions, and then the roleplay blog became more like. A personal blog for some dude who happened to be a ninja turtle alter and it'd unfortunately gotten so out of hand that explaining this now kind of made us even more exhausted cause oh man, we might get fake claimed huh <- we had worse things to deal with, internet drama didn't need to be added to this.

Anyway, if you read through all that junk, i'm sorry 😭, but i think it helps explain why the impression of the blog is so confusing cause it was being run by two ppl, a host and an alter who were constantly trying NOT to be those things until pretty recently when we started accepting the fact that we have Osdd

SO TIMELINE.

The blog starts off as an rp blog by our host and I unbeknownst to us both

The blog is fun and we start gaining traction

We also start gaining more mental health problems and have a full breakdown multiple times on many different social medias

We push through to cope

We talk to the other blog runners who are systems <- (Mikey, Raph and at the time when their account was apart of this, April) and they kindly answer and guide us through some things

We start adding boundaries for my sake

We talk to other systems on other social media and they help us with more stuff

We talk to our therapist

We do a ton of research on top of old research we'd apparently already done before <- suddenly we have a long document with so much information

We tell no one about the discovery when we start accepting the possibility

More funny stuff ensue and personal life things happen <- #ONLYTHEREALONESKNOW!

The only announcement I ever make that i'm an alter are one off comments in tags or answers that I never address again until I make an intro post that says I'm an alter in a system

The blog is what now?

The blog is still a roleplay account. Sometimes, canceled arcs that we would have done would have been considered roleplay <- a canceled christmas arc. But usually, this is just a blog. Like, this is just a blog I use to entertain people and to get some of my thoughts out like a singlet would. It's both i guess, it's whatever I want it to be and whatever you guys consider it to be.

The blog is just, my blog, I don't know how else to explain it 😅😅

Also, Bettertwin9000 was pretty much going through the same thing at the time and fun fact, he is actually my "brother" cause he's a Donnie alter <- (yay!)

Shoutout to the host who has their own blogs that they never really post on! couldn't have done it without you! <- and the many kind individuals who gave us their research material and links and answered our questions and stuck w/ us through the most confusing part of OUR LIFE

Srry again if this didn't answer your question like at all by the way, i THINK it at least explained some things but you know 😭 SORRY IDK

[ciaossu-imagines]

How do you think Kusanagi would deal with his partner's jealousy and how does he handle his own?

Im in absolute awe of your incredible writing skills 🥰🌸

Thank you so much for the amazing compliment and the interesting ask, my lovely anon! I appreciate both and hope you’ll enjoy reading my thoughts on this!

So, I think first I really want to focus on jealousy when it comes to Izumo himself. He’s not a jealous man, not by his nature. To be honest, a lot of jealousy, when it comes to romantic relationships, is based on insecurities. Kusanagi is very secure in who he is. On top of that, he’s a womanizer. He knows he’s attractive physically, he knows he can easily find a romantic partner. None of those things have ever come hard to him and because of that, he has a lot of confidence in himself, in his looks, and in his ability to find (if not always keep) a romantic relationship. The insecurities that normally exist with romantic jealousy just aren’t present there in Kusanagi.

Because he is a bit of a flirt, he’s also not one to really get all that upset if a romantic partner is as well. He’ll understand, because there’s nothing there when he does it besides just fun and making someone else feel good, that there’s more than likely going to be nothing to a partner’s casual flirtations and compliments to others.

It’s going to take a whole lot for Izumo’s partner to make him jealous. They would have to be really laying on the flirting thick, would have to be constantly talking about that person to him as well, and would have to be largely ignoring his own needs, turning him down on any romantic advances, and really just seem done for him to feel any jealousy.

As with all his emotions though, Kusanagi has a really good rein on his jealousy. He’s able to stay composed and calm even when feeling it and he’ll hide it really well.

However, because of how his partner is behaving, to make such a man jealous, and because he’s got too much pride and confidence to stay in a relationship that clearly isn’t working out for one or the both of them, he’s still likely to just end that relationship. He’ll be gentlemanly about it; he’ll talk to his partner over coffee or somewhere else where the two of them can talk distraction free and he’ll be polite about the breakup. He’ll do the whole ‘we can still be friends and I do still care about you’ and he will genuinely mean it.

Now, moving on to how Kusanagi would deal with a jealous partner. Because, as I said, Kusanagi flirts casually. He’s just a charmer and he likes to make others happy about themselves. He’ll give compliments, he’ll smile and charm and flirt. Half of it is who he just naturally is, since he is very charismatic, and the other half is learned behaviour that helps with his job, both as a bartender and for gathering information.

While he will obviously never be taking anyone else seriously whilst in a relationship, it’s a little understandable for a partner of his to get jealous. And he would find it cute, in a sense. He’d reassure them, tease them a little about their jealousy, but wouldn’t be concerned about it. However, that’s only if the jealousy isn’t a constant thing but more a rarity and if his partner is well-behaved about it.

He would try to make sure, in small ways, that his partner was working on their self-esteem, both in themselves and in terms of their relationship with Izumo. He’d give little, subtle assurances that he was happy and had no plans to leave them, that he thinks the world of them, but he’s not going to be able to keep that up for weeks, months at a time. At some point, the jealousy and his partner’s worry about him leaving them for someone else would burn him out and he’d be unable to continue the relationship.

On top of that, if instead of being well-behaved about their jealousy, if his partner couldn’t control their emotions and got physical with someone else they were jealous of or kept having huge hissy-fits or shouting matches with him whenever they got jealous, Kusanagi would be instantly done with the relationship. He’s an adult who wants a relationship with another adult, not a teenager in an adult’s body.

[languidlanterns]

soooo charlatan in red huh. i love the transmasc interpretation and i have my own things to say about it to do with what it means to be lost and found in terms of the relationship of the fox and the daughter in a way that is paralleled in a lot of the forgetmenauts other songs in different ways and also i love this song and have some opinions about it.

so if you listen to the song on the side of the parent/narrator with the fox being someone actually using the daughter or manipulating her into someone she doesnt want to be, they are really caring. they never really blame the daughter, saying things like "lost my little girl to the foxes" rather than saying she ran away. it feels to me more like they are blaming themself for not being able to help her rather than blaming her for leaving. the chorus also feels like they are trying to help, rather than telling her to come back, and assuming her choices are wrong just because they dont understand them they are giving her reasons to try if she ever wants to. reasons to keep fighting if she feels trapped. "if they catch you by the eye and smile their wicked smiles remember me and run" i think of as the parent saying if they (the charlatan) have wicked intentions and you realise that remember a relationship that didnt, run based on the memory things can get better, run with the knowledge i am here for you now and always, if you need it.or if you dont. the end too, instead of questioning her choices directly about her being married, they tell her actions she can take to be less trapped. "dont let them take another daughter" a reminder even if she feels completly lost she can help others not be taken, she still has agency. her choices still matter, even if nothing makes sense, there is good in the bad, the sun can shine even while it rains, do not give up hope.

a vixens lament also works with this interpretation.( yes i am talking about the subtext of a song with no lyrics. dont worry about it.) its her realising she has become something else, a vixen rather than a daughter, and that she doenst want to be. there are no words because she feels voiceless. in my heart that song is her running, with her childeren back to her parent and she has a happy ending. in my heart.

anyway im really normal about these songs and all that.

[wisecrackingeric-2]

Luis ramble time

TW//homophobia??

I think my favorite thing about Luis has to be the idea that his religious trauma led him to become homophobic but not in the sense of how it normally is. I think he internalized it as he grew up in a Catholic setting and became more interested in other people. This is why I believe he probably wouldn't have kissed Leon,,he will flirt and make flirty gestures but I don't really believe he'd full on go for it. I think it's more believable that he would've felt guilty because we all know one thing Luis still holds dear is his religion.

To me Luis is bisexual and when he met Leon it made him remember those odd feeling but he was to afraid to express them both from fear of loosing Leon and the feeling of being sinful. (this comes from someone who connects to Luis in these regards,,dw I came to terms with myself awhile ago!) And just like everything else in his life he ran away from it and ultimately..

He never let himself feel those emotions nor tell Leon

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FERAL I WENT OVER THIS I STARTED GOING DOWN SUCH A LONG RABBIT HOLE OUUUUGHHH

BUT YOURE SO RIGHT YOU HAVE A BIT BEAUTIFUL BRAIN IT HURTS SM,,,,,,,, I think you’re absolutely right but I wanted to add my own headcannons too cuz I think it could be a very very interesting discussion!!!!!! I’ve put my thoughts under the cut so it doesn’t clog up peoples dashboards!!!!

I couldn’t agree more I think it’d be pretty safe ro say Luis has a FAIR BIT of internalised homophobia from his religious upbringing (now I wanna clarify that I don’t have any religious trauma like, at all, I wasn’t brought up relifious but I have TONS of friends who’ve gone through it so I’ve done my best to understand it best I can!!!!) and where my headcannon sliiiiiiiightly differs from yours is that I think Luis probably would have come to terms with his own queerness by the time he’s working with Umbrella

Obviously he’s already very flamboyant and VERRRRYYY flirty w both men and women and he’s clearly confident in himself- but what a lot of people seem to forget that the lovely @blveherb and @possessionisamyth have gone into detail about is that Luis is an immigrant, and if you look at literally any piece of history from before like,,,, roughly around the 80’s queer and immigrant history were REALLY intertwined, like, the two communities would often be at the same places or facing the same struggles at the same time etc and obviously white historians haven’t done us any favours with preserving this history (and ALSO also i am WHITE AS ALL HELL so im obviously not in a position to be speaking on topics that i dont fully understand/havent affected me which is why i ask that if anyone is more knowledgable on the topic please do elaborate on it!!!!!!!)((also it’s obviously very very important not to try and take away focus from or erase poc history when talking about queer history!!!!!!!!!!!!!))

So I don’t think it would be much of a stretch to say that Luis, after leaving Valdelobos and ending up wherever he did, would have also discovered the queer community as a whole just by virtue of being apart of a minority (again, this isn’t something that’s ever even remotely effected me so please if I’ve made any mistakes or if anyone wants to point anything out do so!!!!) also I just imagine that, in general, Luis would’ve been grateful for any kind of community to fall back on after he left his own- how old he was when he left is unknown obviously but I can’t imagine being barely even an adult discovering the big wide world for the first time after spending your entire life in a tiny rural catholic village would’ve been easy which is why communities like that are so important (also you could absolutely go into how Umbrella would’ve fed that need for a community even further in a young naive Luis but that’s getting ahead of the subject)

Also somewhat on and off topic but M A A N Y historians have pointed out that Don Quixote is a pretty queer fricken book. That’s an entirely different discussion in and of itself but the whole book itself, the relationship between Alonso and Sancho, the history itself surrounding the book etc can leave a lot of queer interpretations to be read (and @highball66 has pointed out that while not specifically a term used for gay men, in some areas ‘Sancho’ has been used to refer to ‘the other guy in the relationship’, ie the man the husband is sleeping with etc) ((AND also it’s just,, kinda hard to analyse super old books through the lens of the LGBTQ+ community as we understand it roday- Kaz Rowe on YouTube has some good videos on the topic I can’t reccomend enough!!!!))

And so I personally like to imagine that by the time he returns BACK to Valdelobos, he’s probably come to terms with it- but like most traumas, returning to the place where it all started and manifested probably would’ve brought up those same feelings of internalised homophobia like you’ve said; which is why he’s so afraid to confess to Leon. Even if he KNOWS he’s come to terms with his identity n such, that doesn’t mean that returning to the place where it all started doesn’t bring back up those old feelings (also him returning home in the manor that he does just makes my theory/headcannon that he’s Trans go WILD but I’m saving that for ANOTHER DAY)

‘He holds Religion very Close to him’ GOD YOURE SO RIGHT ABT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like even if he doesn’t still believe in god or anything his upbringing still effects him!!!!!!!!!!!!! He still always does the sign of the cross whenever he sees a dead body and obviously that classic catholic guilt and need to repent follows his every actions alongside just, y’know, the average amount of guilt people would feel in his situation BCNEHENDJDND so can you imagine how much WORSE he’d feeling going BACK to Valdelobos and meeting LEON and having all those feelings and fears come up again???????????? OUGH WHY MAKE ME THINK ABT THIS OP /lh

AND and, like you mentioned, Luis always has this reoccurring theme of thinking he has more time than he actually has and that he can run away from anything. It’s honestly so so so very tragic; and just the idea of that cycle repeating AGAIN in something SO PERSONAL (ie, his love for Leon) is just,,,,,,,,,, o u g h it’s so heartbreaking man why would you say that I am strangling you /jjjjjjjj

Luis always thinks he has more time to fix his mistakes, to be a better person- and even when he starts to realise he doesn’t, he still holds out hope. He thinks, ‘tomorrow I’ll tell Leon’, but he never gets that opportunity.

And finally this one is purely self indulgent but I’ve always pictured Luis as being the kind of person to just be happy labelling himself as ‘queer’ cuz it’s quick and convinient but BISEXUAL LUIS SL TRUE

(Also obligatory ‘these are just headcannons/theories/analysis nobody is saying these are CANNON this is just an observation’ message!!!!!!!)