#even trans ppl who would tell me they dont but show me they do still feel that way about me lmao

[isabelguerra]

I don’t really care about shipping THAT much but honestly a lot depends on what about a pairing makes you like it. what about it draws you in, what doesnt, and why you want to change that thing. what it would become if you changed that thing, what changing that thing would do to it.

I saw a post about zukka the other day where OP was groaning about how many ppl make zuko into a babygirl for his long hair while acting like sokka is this hypermasculine hunter type, despite so much of his character deals with themes of inadequacy and wanting to make people around you proud/ take you seriously. also him liking shopping and arts&crafts and into theatre and writing poetry. OP said something like ‘it becomes about the viewers desire to fit a character to their own tastes, without considering who the character actually is’ which is such an eloquent way of putting it!

so when it comes to messing around with identities via ships its like… playing with gender and shit is fun! its good to explore and mess around and try things. if your outlet is through your favorite characters, hey, go nuts. but I think its really important to look at the way we feel and consider why we feel that way.

literally whenever i sit down to write something i go ‘okay. is this for me to be self indulgent and ooc. or is this to be faithful to the characters as they exist as narrative tools’ basically am i writing for Me or am i writing for Them. and i do both! but it just comes down to that I dont like taking characters out of the context of their stories too much. im a firm believer of ‘liking something because of something, not despite it’, so when it comes to m/f ships its like. okay well why am I drawn to this over a gay ship. do I think ‘damn i wish this was gay’ or is the fact that its mf add a little flavor. for me its all about the flavor

[snekdood]

sometimes it feels like ppl on here think ppl who are stern and assertive are shitty and its like... im sorry but ive been walked on all my life, if im not stern and assertive ppl treat me like shit. 

[papparinoo]

something i like about the blue eye samurai is that they let mizu be a woman. And i know thats ironic since shes had to instead be a man, or let ppl assume shes a man so she could be safe or taken seriously. If anything they dont let her actually choose. idk if that makes any sense, but when i didnt know anything about this show i immediately expected the protagonist to be a man. Usually men play those roles, or whatever. So when i heard her voice in the trailer, i got excited! I hoped that she would be a woman, bcuz i rarely see women who dont look perfect, who arent wearing like skin tight suits or whatever portrayed this way. For me personally i always end up wanting a woman to be in the “mans shoes” or whagever the fuck. I wish i could articulate myself better. Like fuck they actually let a woman look badass as fuck, shes treated with respect in portraying her skills (by the story), and she isnt like the epitome of beauty (for social standards or whatever, to me she’s absolutely frickin gorgeous)

They actually let her exist outside of this lens of what woman should look like or act like. I know its been done before or whatever, but fuck it i barely see woman depicted in this same lens as a man and not make some joke about it. Shes not degraded to a sex object, her appearance isnt perfect or the beauty standard, she gets to be a killer and skilled swordsman in the same light as taigen. It felt rlly great.

I personally struggle with my gender identity, i feel somehow someway im not woman enough. So seeing mizu sort of go through not fitting this sort of standard, having this idea of being a man forced upon her, its all so complicated and interesting and relatable. Maybe that says something about me, maybe it doesnt. But im so excited to see where they take mizu and her gender. Akemi feels like such a foil against mizu. She fits the beauty standard, shes observed as a woman and has her own power. She’s unfortunately the luckiest a woman could be in the story, her being married and such was better than being sold. But still powerless at the same time. It makes sense why mizu was dismissive of akemi at the beginning, to her it looked like akemi was just a brat, but even akemi struggles with not being taken seriously. Mizu on the other hand doesnt fit the standard, being mixed, seen less than human for not fitting the standard, not being “woman” enough (the whole husband thing where her actually being better than him immediately made her husband like dismissing of her and possibly ratting on her as well) the whole constant thing of her “mom” telling her she doesnt have good looks, it often felt like mizu was fighting against not only being mixed and “not pure”, but also fighting against what a woman could exist as..”not pure”. She could not just plainly exist.

Gender stuff is so damn complicated and its something ive struggled with. Ive tried exploring the idea that maybe im trans, maybe im a man or nonbinary. But it felt so relieving to see mizu as a character. Something that stuck out to me was when she was talking to her ex husband. He asked “u wanted to be a man?” And she said something along the lines of “i had to be one” and it felt sort of vindicating in the sense that damn idk.. like me and my siblings have struggled with our genders and whats expected of us, especially within our culture. Ive had conversations with my sister like about how sometimes we do wish we were men. To be taken seriously, to easily do things without feeling so judged. Maybe cis people dont do that, maybe they do, its okay.

I just love mizu, and im so excited to explore this story.

[detransdamnation]

archive . vn/o6ym2 Do you think this will follow through? I honestly kind of dont get it because to me mental disorders are biological conditions such as when ppl with ptsd develop abnormal brain stuff or with high level autism and sensory tissue. So like proving gd still doesnt mean souls in wrong bodies is also tru? Am i making sense? What do you think of the thread?

LINK

Next Friday at approximately 5:00 pm we will be publishing a groundbreaking article (written by a research scientist) that demonstrates that being trans is a biological condition.

If a national newspaper would like early access, please email [...]

Email was redacted by me.

I think I understand what you mean. However, even if transgender identity were theoretically proven to have some sort of biological basis, that doesn't mean that those who identify as transgender are literally born in the wrong body. Demonstrations of biology would not prove theories of gendered souls unless the individual were to try to make that correlation themselves. Unfortunately, with this organization, it may be a toss-up on as to whether or not they would make those connections; however, I always prefer to go in with an open mind.

I would have been interested in seeing what they have to say—but what I think does not matter because they will no longer be publishing.

On Sunday, we posted that we would publish an article on Friday regarding being trans is a 'biological condition' - the phrasing of the tweet was poor. The interest has been overwhelming, but many different concerns have also been raised, and, as a responsible advocacy organisation we have listened to all of these concerns. Consequently, we have decided not to publish.

We sincerely apologise for any disappointment or distress that we have caused - despite our good intentions to create a better and safer place for our community we appreciate that we won't always get things right but our commitment to fight on will never waver.

I think that the original thread speaks for itself. The general response from trans people can be easily summed up with just this response alone (emphasis my own):

I'm really worried about this. Anything which might indicate a test for "real" trans people will simply be used to hurt us. People should be able to be trans just because they want to be, regardless of whether they "biologically" are.

Even if transgender identity were proven to be biological in nature, this person would discard that proof in favour of validating those who would evidently not be transgender. Is this not anti-science?

Through validating the trans identity of these objectively "cis" people, this person would also be allowing them into spaces explicitly meant for trans people. Is this not transphobic?

And what is defined as "hurting" people, anyway? Being told whether you are or are not something? If so, that is just plain stupid.

Overall, this portion of the trans community showed their ass in that they, predictably, do not actually care about "The Science" that they claim is on their side. If a research scientist were to demonstrate that transness has a biological basis, that would mean that it could actually be innate, at least in part—but that would also mean that trans is something you either are, or are not. "Trans" would no longer be a personal identity but indeed a biological difference that, simply, not everyone who claims to be trans today likely has. The outrage is telling. As said by user Holly Grayle in the thread,

[A]ny 'proof' that it's a biological condition means that there must be a way to test, and a test would mean...no self-ID. Yikes!

[gameclam]

Barmey and Mind's relationship headcanons 👀👀 (same guy sorry)

thisll be a mix of their relationship + past relationships

Freemind's will mention Eddie, bc of this i will say my Eddie =/= Eddie's mind Eddie, idk shit abt that one, my Eddie is based entirely off of the stories Fm told in his canon story. (just so ppl dont get confused or something)

Barmey's relationships;

He tends to date people he met online in mmo's, most of the time he doesn't actually have a thing for them tho bc he didnt know he was gay for far too long

he's still friends with his old GF from high school, they broke up in college bc he felt like they were better friends, she was an exchange student and was the most popular girl in school. If he told you this you would probably not believe him.

Thought relationships were supposed to be awkward for the entire relationship

Never realizes anyone is flirting with him, if he does notice anything he thinks they're joking

had less relationships in elementary -> high school (until he met his gf) bc he was one of the only trans guys in the entire shitty Arizona town no one wanted to date him. and if they did he wouldn't have even noticed tbh

The only time he started REALLY questioning his sexuality was when he met Freemind in college but just assumed that he just thought he was really cool

Now that they're dating he finally realizes why people want to kiss and stuff. he thought ppl just over hyped relationship stuff

you might be surprised but he's the top in this relationship

Will literally jump to tell anyone everything abt his boyfriend even if it's what everyone sees as 100 red flag stories in a row

Very easy to make jealous but he tries to not be weird about it most of the time

literally trapped in the honey moon phase for the rest of their lives

once as a romantic gesture he made an entire rube goldberg machine throughout their entire apartment that ended with a box of banana laffy taffy dropping onto Freemind's bed. literally Freemind will bring this up to everyone

desperately tries to win prizes for his bf at fairs or amusement parks but always fails. he fucking sucks at them bc he gets nervous. If absolutely no one is looking at him he would get a perfect score

he is a little bit better at showing his affection than Freemind is

He's not had many bad relationships or anything, mostly bc he doesn't often go on dates with people. (dating regularly bothered him bc to cut time out of his schedule)

When he has tried dating Often people think he's kind of cringy or annoying bc of his very specific interests so they never clicked.

Freemind's Relationships;

Freemind has not so good luck with people, his past relationships never lasted that long for one reason or another.

He tends to be very bad at figuring out when people are into him or completely hate him. He often reads it completely wrong (Someone who doesn't like him = they want him, someone who obviously wants him = wants to kill him)

Similar to Barmey he didn't have much dating luck as a young guy bc he was trans + an actual lunatic. Plus he looked like a nerd for most of his years until he started his punk phase when he was 15. His town wasn't as small as Barmey's so they didnt know anyone (he lives in a town CLOSE but not IN Seattle in most of my headcanons. I have no reason why this is different. sometimes he does live there tho depends on the day for me)

Despite talking a big game he has a lot of trouble flirting with girls first bc they scare him, bc of this he tends to only get flirty when they flirt with him first bc he's too intimidated to actually do anything

he has gotten pepper sprayed before, not for anything serious he just has absolutely 0 luck. Once it was because his ex gf was mad that he made a pipe bomb in her garage and once it's bc some stranger mistook him for someone else when he went to talk to her. He was also tazed once but that was bc he lost a bet with his gf at the time

He dated ONE normal person exactly one time and it was the weirdest relationship he'd ever been in. He would literally rather date someone who slashes his tires bc he forgot their birthday over someone who's favorite hobby is going on hikes. Never again

Tends to prefer flings over actual relationships

made out with like 50 different dudes in college and still didn't realize he was bisexual until he was living in New Mexico (this depends on the au i'm thinking of bc sometimes he been knew and sometimes he doesn't) He thought this was just normal college shenanigans

He also gets jealous like Barmey does. They are mutually jealous ppl when it comes to eachother.

Eddie is his drug deal and best friend from high school, depending on universe he slept with him or fooled around w/ him at least once. But they have no romantic feelings for each other, just mutual attraction.

Freemind tends to date girls who want to burn down peoples houses and crash cars. Sometimes this is fine sometimes it isn't. He prefers punks + goth/emo + weird girls, he prefers fatter girls who are tall but any height and body type he can find attractive.

As for men, he prefers guys who are dumb as a bag of rocks and infuriating OR absolutely batshit crazy or both. He tends to prefer Fatter tall men. but any height and body type he can find attractive.

Was that guy who refused to say "I love you" in like every single relationship he was ever in, his relationships were often mutually unhealthy.

However there was the rare moment where he would become absolutely infatuated with someone bc they were perceived 'better' by his mental illness. If they broke up he would either immediately hate them or spiral into thinking he's the worst person alive. This happened once while he was dating a girl who cheated on him, after their breakup he spiraled.

Now that he's dating Barmey he has to learn how to love and be affectionate like a most people. The best way for him to do this is to randomly gift Barmey things that he knows he likes. (like a "Look i thought about and remember the thing you like.")

He does a lot of cooking specifically for Barmey bc although he doesn't like cooking that much he's good at it and it's better than the garbage Barmey eats nearly daily . This is another sign of affection bc usually he wouldn't care.

^ in the same vein, another form/proof of love is that Barmey can be in the kitchen while he cooks, which is crazy bc usually Freemind absolutely despises when people are in the kitchen with him when he cooks bc it overwhelms him. But not Barmey :)

Is not normal about asking for cuddle time he will enter the room and just stare at Barmey until he notices him or sit very very close to him until Barmey initiates like a damn cat. Luckily Barmey usually does.

He WILL however initiate holding his hands constantly. it's one of his favorite forms of affection when they're outside together. He also likes putting his arm around him while walking.

Freemind parades Barmey around like Barmey is his trophy husband. He would actually attack you if you said anything rude to Barmey right in front of him.

[itsdelicate]

omg i remember u mentioning getting a new tat and wanted to ask what u wanted to get but completely forgot dkjfns. so what did you get?

yes it isss!! it took me forever to properly get into music like the only reason i ever started liking specific artists was quarantine lmao. that is so wow omg. so like fearless era? that mustve been fun tho!! honestly i would love to spend half my life a swiftie lol. i was i was!! like omg the bad blood mv is prob one of the biggest "omg girls?!!?!??!!?" moments of my life like that scene w her velcroing on the boxing glove w her teeth,,, the hair, the makeup, just everything. i still scream a little when i see that scene lmao. and also like ybwm, love story, ikywt, blank space (another mv i was obsessed w), etc etc. the popular ones!! and my vocal teacher actually introduced me to cruel summer (which i loved) and also her cover of riptide. like now thinking ab it,,, how did he even know omg??? SO TRUE like inject ivy into my veins its so *chefs kiss*. YES YES YES mad woman is so scream in the car or into a pillow while crying i love her sm. LMAO YES i remember seeing it and genuinely thinking. huh. a happy song cool! and then its just pain for 5 mins which i absolutely LOVE.

AWWW THEYRE SO SWEET I CANT JKMDWMV i would cry if any of them did that to me. so valid so true shes just so !!!??!??!??!?!?!?

yessssssss. rapunzel is such an icon <3 she so issss!!!! OMG I LOVE MAMMA MIA SM!!!!! abba is obvs everything and meryl streep???!?!?!!!! AND amanda seyfried AND julie walters AND christine baranski???!!?!!!? AND colin firth and pierce brosnan?!?!?!?! its such a classic and i could watch it forever jkdmsfvjnm. yes omg i immediately stop the second i feel a bit annoyed w it. okok i def will!!

it is it is njskodjn. haha yea ik a lot of ppl dont really like it lmao but the second i heard it was obsessed. RIGHT??? makes me cry everytime. im very much a sad songs lover <3

yea me too!! like to go to a mall and seeing the massive tree and all the decorations?? so pretty so fun i love it.

glad i could be of service lol ajnsmf <3 yes it did thanks!! my friends and i are planning on watching the black panther movie together so that hopefully!! have u watched it? and wbu do u have any plans? also i realise that i totally spam u in these replies iwdkfvs im so sorry i talk and ramble a lot lmao

xxx ur secret santa

very rude of tumblr not to tell me i got your ask 😒 anyway! it’s a little mermaid rat!! it has the prettiest colours in it’s tail and the design was to raise funds for the mermaids charity who support trans, non-binary and gender diverse kids and families <33333

oooh gotcha i totally get it a lot of my friends aren’t into music like at all but i’m so glad you found a love for taylor’s music hehe yess fearless era!! but you’re here now!! you can be an honorary since-fearless-era stan 😌 love that for you omg the scene you’re talking about it,,, Yes whew on this topic i didn’t know it then but the story of us mv was a gay awakening for me ahdjfj and yes the blank space mv was SO good!! (is it your fav music video?) i will never not be upset that cruel summer didn’t become a single IT WAS RIGHT THERE!!! omgggg stop her cover of riptide is my fav thing ever i listened to it obsessively for ages your vocal teacher knew what he was doing 😌 help i didn’t even process that it’s over 5 mins long it’s so 🥲

EXACTLY EXACTLY!!! i had like post concert (convention 🤔) depression for days after lmao

YESSS it’s such a classic and so feel good i love it so so much!! my cousin introduced me to all the abba songs when i was like 7 and she burned them onto a cd for me under the instructions that id stop singing mamma mia at all hours cause i was annoying her 💀 and then i proceeded to audition with mamma mia the song for my school’s talent show and all the teacher’s laughed cause i was literally 8 years old singing about how i’d been cheated on and i was brokenhearted 😭 shfkgk i have to do that when i overplay taylor’s songs sometimes like ok i have to listen to another album now or i’ll burn myself out smh

it had such a different sound! but i love it now and omg i always find myself avoiding really sad songs 🤧

yeah!! it’s such a lovely time and i adore going to christmas markets <3

omg nice! no i haven’t ahdjf i actually haven’t seen mcu movies 🫣 i never got into them and my friend’s a huge fan who keeps asking to me watch them but it feels like there’s too much to get into now from the beginning shdjf and no omg i love it!! spam away 😌

i hope you’re having a good week!! 🥰

[muttfangs]

processing shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit and rantiiiiinnnnggg👍

rrrghhhhhhgh I'm trying to do better by myself and others by being an effective communicator and being less "rigid" and "stubborn" but fffffffffrrghh one of my close irl friends is just **SO** incredibly annoying it's astounding at times. I love him but he REALLLLLYYY pisses me off sometimes with how obtuse and insensitive he is. for context he is a white-passing trans man. incredibly neoliberal. twink. conventionally attractive. I mention the above descriptors bc he's super insensitive and shallow in regards to how ppl look at times. he will occasionally bring up how he's happy his transphobic brother is "fat" and how he "looks better than him now". speaking to me. a fat dude. and I understand you hate your brother (he's a huge piece of shit!) but theres a ZILION things you could pick him apart for... and you chose his appearance? while speaking to me, someone who looks like him? and every time I catch him saying gross superficial shit I say "hey, that isn't fair to rag on someone's appearance" he PUSHES BACK AT ME LIKE??? BRO. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HURTFUL THIS IS TO HEAR FROM YOU. EVEN IF IT ISN'T ABOUT ME DIRECTLY. YOU ARE STILL SAYING FAT AND BALD PEOPLE ARE UGLY. I AM BOTH. he also just like... doesn't want to listen to anyone's opinion if they feel differently from him regarding gender / politics. I attempt to open dialogues with him about leftist theory... and thinking deeper... but he thinks he's right no matter what and just digs his heels in and metaphorically plugs his ears and goes LALALALA and it's??? quite frankly infuriating for example: i've told him multiple times at this point that I'm not comfortable in sapphic spaces. I am a dude. I look like a dude. I sound like a dude. I'm gnc but I use he / him. and I don't want to be invasive in spaces meant for lesbians. it feels super awkward and upsetting (AND REALLY WEIRD.....) when there's "parties" that are for """"AFAB people only"""" and he asks me to go w/ him????????? like uhh...... this is gender reductionist theory 101. what are they gonna do like. check ppl's junk at the door? make you bring a copy of your birth certificate? that's fucking weird, man. he invited me to another one when I was at our mutual friends place last week saying "this one is different! no cis men allowed!!" and it just makes me stop and think for a moment like... how do you quantify cisness....? I look unclockable. I look cis. would I not be allowed in even though I'm trans? would they not allow me in until I showed them I have a cunt? like what is the fucking thought process here, bro? clearly every time you try to invite me to these like fuckin terfy ass VAGINA HAVERZ ONLY parties I get really uncomfortable so ??? why do you keep asking??? why do you not listen to me when I tell you it's fuckin WEIRD to be exclusionary like that?? why not instead have a "no transphobes allowed" rule instead (WHICH MAKES WAY MORE SENSE???? THAN NO CIS MEN????)?? ... like I hate to beat on my fuckin drum about gender theory adn whatever... but barring "cis men" from these parties bars (pls excuse my language I dont have a better descriptor) AMAB eggs from exploring. it bars ppl from finding themselves. it bars cis men who maybe want to play around with their expressions or sexuality. and, needless to say it's WILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE to be reduced back down to my genitals. I'm more than just a walking cunt. I'm a complex human being. and I have ****zero**** fuckign interest being in these thinly veiled VAGINUZ ONLY TERF spaces. but he's all about that shit and doesnt care!!!! whatever!!!!!!!!!!

[4uru]

I want to save the world. I want people to live happier lives. I want to make things better. But i dont know how. I used to want to be a doctor when i was a kid. Bc i wanted to help people.

Now i want to be an artist. I look at all the bad things happening in the world and tell myself that "when im older, i will help, in any way i can" but i dont know if my art will be impactful enough. And if my art fails to help, i dont know what else i can do to make a difference. I dont know if i can make enough money to give to charity one day. I dont know if i can help.

Sometimes im so scared of not being able to help. Bc right now i live in a country where women, disabled people, queer and trans people are being shitted on heavily. And i also fall under those catagories. Right now i dont have any power or means to help anyone including myself.

All i can do is study hard to get out of this situation and country. To go to a better place. But i already feel guilty. What will happen to the queer kids who cant get out. The trans kids. I feel selfish for wanting to save myself.

I literally wish the toxic abusive older generation to die out. But the thing is my generation is also extremely bigoted. It isnt better. They are just more exposed to it. They arent more tolerant of it. Im so scared. I feel like things are getting so much worse.

When i figured out i was queer years ago i was filled with so much energy. To do more. To help more. In any way i could. I did it by educating myself. To learn the history of queer ppl. I was a kid and i wanted to help. Then i got sick of it. I got sick of reading all the comments telling me i am a mistake and a freak, i got sick and tired of arguing with ppl who just wanted to hate. I finally understood the fact that u cant change a mind that isnt willing to change. Ppl will hold on to their beliefs with their teeths. I finally understood its not my job to throw myself at a pack of wolves to get my point across.

So i learnt to stay a bit quite i learnt to see different perspectives and arguements. I still cant watch the right wings yell about how i am a confused chronically online girl who wants to be different. Sorry, i am not strong enough for that. I learnt to hear different points and see where i disagree and where i dont. I am a teenager and i have alot of growing left to do. But i think im getting my energy back a bit. Even tho its more wrath than the starry eyed hope i had when i first started out. Bc at first i genuinely believed you can change peoples mind. Right now i believe that you have to fight. I could rip myself apart and show them what i am made of and who i am and they would still not understand. They denied me basic human respect. So i am respecting myself. I dont need their validation to be me. I already am. I dont owe people an explanation of myself.

I know people wont take me srsly bc i am not an adult. But i know they wont take me srsly ever. I was born to be never taken srsly by anyone ever. I dont even plan to persue a career where i can be. But god i have so much to say. I have so many angry rant to yell at the top of my lungs.

I think the logical thing to do is to transfer them to my art. But i cant do it. Its too painful for me. To spend time of it, fester in the fury. To make it perfect to get my point across. I cant decorate it. I want to throw it againt a wall. I want it to be chaotic and violent i dont want to stain my hands with paint i want to shred my own vocal chords. There is not canvas big enough for it. Also i dont want my art to reflect my wrath, my stinging pain, i dont want to look at smth i made and feel bad.

I dont know what to do. Should i go ahead and make angry vent art for the hope that it might make a difference, at the expense of my own mental health? Or should i just wait quietly. Until i am hopefully successful enough. Both are a gamble. Hate that none of my peers are going through this. They are not marinated in wrath and dont have to scourge after crumbs of empathy.

I am very lucky to be born in a generation where i get more representation and i have internet to engage with my community more. But even that community sometimes feel like a stranger to me.

I just want to scream.

[sluttypatrickstar]

hello! to talk personally for a moment here, i would like to share this video. it's a lot, and it's difficult to watch, but section 8 was so emotional for me.

i used to run a harry potter tumblr. it's still out there; i made this new account when i decided to rejoin the platform, because i wanted nothing to do with my old account. i experienced, like, the LEAST amount of transphobia and bigotry within the harry potter fandom. and yet, in a space that was supposed to be friendly and trans-inclusive, it frayed at the edges with the most socially acceptable kinds of bigotry. "ace people aren't real", cis people telling me "you have to have dysphoria to be trans" and speaking over my lived experiences because they were always right and i was always wrong. an ace friend of mine was chased out of a discord server by this bigotry. i stayed for a long time, gripping onto the delusion perpetuated by the server that they were such a friendly place full of kind people even as they told me my experiences didnt matter. the fandom was underscored by transphobia and bigotry, even among those who thought themselves to be allies. so for me, the books and the films are now tinted with pain. it has caused a spectrum of harm to trans people.

even now, with this new blog, i believe i talked about terfs once - to make fun of them. i have, like, 10 lovely followers -- not to complain, just to note that my blog is a tiny little space on the internet! and yet when i mentioned terfs, two of them showed up. one of them showed up to challenge me and ask for "evidence" of negative experiences my friends and other trans ppl had had with terfs. i am not providing evidence. i dont fucking have to, believe me or dont. i got an anonymous and hateful ask. it's the only ask i've ever received on this blog. all because i talked about terfs, someone showed up out of nowhere on my tiny little blog to be hateful to me.

i dont know where im going with this. i just saw someone share their experiences and i suddenly felt that i wanted to share my own. our experiences are radically different, a gulf apart. the harm committed upon me is a tiny fraction of the harm that other trans people have endured from terfs and harry potter fans. but sometimes i think, when we discuss the ways that harry potter has caused harm, it feels a little intangible. it's hard to imagine what that looks like. so i wanted to share the way it caused harm to me, the way that it enabled bigotry under the guise of friendship. i wanted to also show the way that u literally cant exist as a trans person on the internet without someone finding ur tiny blog OUTTA NOWHERE and sending you hate. this kind of behaviour is empowered by people like rowling. she has normalised transphobia and it is spiralling out of control and it is so terrifying.

my fellow trans people i love u, and my fellow trans people who were hurt by harry potter i love you and i am here for you always

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[alexiaugustin]

waittttt. whats with Maxence that you didn't like??? 😯😯

but what things did maxence have done ???. since nobody calls him out on things you mentions, i actually don't know that problematic stuff he says or done.. and also, i see only good things are about him on ig and twitter so i really dont know 😅... sorry of this question 🙏

Okay so before anyone tells me that I said that I hate Maxence or some shit- I couldn't care less about what actors do in their private lives and I don't think that everything he ever said or did publicly was a bad thing but there were a lot of rly problematic things he said and did publicly and that's all I'm talking about here.

First of all at one of those dreamit cons he said that he would like to play a trans women in a movie/tv show once and that he even auditioned but didn't get the role because his face was too masculine. When fans later called him out for that more or less transphobic statement he never showed any kind of reaction and never apologized even tho especially trans fans were rly upset and tried to educate him on that matter.

Then there is this interview where he says "I already got messages saying 'you're not gay you can't play this role' I find it too bad that someone thinks a gay character has to be played by a gay person. Actually I think it goes against the message the LGBT community wants to give. It's very sane and important to give that freedom of speech around this, that straight people can defend this battle too and can take roles for homosexual, trans, bi characters" I get what he was trying to say here but he definitely did it the wrong way because being upset about lgbt ppl being upset about there not being more lgbt actors playing lgbt roles and even telling them that they are going against the message of the community that they are a part of and he is not really just ain't it. And again he's saying that cishets can play trans characters which is....ignorant.

Then there was this whole red bubble thing where he was freaking out about the tshirts with fanart of him on them. And like, I get it, I really do and it's completely okay to be angry about shit like that but "a part of me just wants to murder that motherfucker" and "those tshirts are ugly as fuck" ??? he's 26 im sorry but this is just not how you talk to your (mostly) younger audience on social media and it was super aggressive and not funny nor "badass" at all

The most recent and probably worst thing was his reaction to the blm movement. Both he and axel stayed silent about it for days and when fans were asking him to post donation and petition links he was angry about that for some reason?? And a few days later he posted that story

translation: "I hope that every person that has been annoying the shit out of me for a week, telling me what to do on social media will be there at 19h*. It's cute to hashtag, to copy-paste and to impose oneself as the dictator of ethic and good conscious, it's another thing to act. See you tonight"

*a blm protest he attended

Again he was super condescending and worded all of this super agressive. He is a white privileged grown up man who chose to stay silent for days and after all his silence and the reactions he got from that he spent more of his time on his insta story where he was shaming people who couldn't go to protest instead of reposting more links to donations, petitions and information. Can you believe that he really went out and said "I know I haven't done shit to raise awareness so far and for some reason all of u are so mean to me now. But I hope that y'all know that no matter if you don't have the possibility to attend a protest, aren't allowed to attend a protest or can't because of ur health condition (we're still in a global pandemic) U are the bad person and all the efforts you've made on the internet are worth noting" that's literally what he just said. People are suffering and dying just because of their skin colour and he has the nerve to play the victim in all of this. It was arrogant, condescending and his white privilege couldn't have jumped out more. He never apologized or acknowledged that either.

And here's another anon I got about this

here's the video. And yeah exactly anon like I know that it was just a game and there to be fun but Robin tried to seriously educate him right in that moment and he just... didn't care at all.

And that's what actually makes him so problematic. Because he never learns from his mistakes and can't ever acknowledges that he might have made a mistake but tries to defend himself until the very end, makes things about himself when they absolutely aren't and can't just ever shut up when ppl are taking their time to educate him. He not even once apologized for one of the things he did and that already says a lot I guess🙄

[fox-steward]

hi, not sure if this blog is active bc im on mobile but you seem v knowledgeable so i hope you are. i have a question if thats ok. ive been id'ing as ftm trans/nb for about 6 years now but havent rlly been able to come out to many ppl or transition at all so im still largely presenting as female. i wouldnt rlly call myself gender critical or anything like that, but i know transitioning is a long & difficult process and im wondering if there is a way to alleviate my dysphoria without going (1/2)

“thru all that. i dont want to transition only to realize that i dont feel better and there was an easier way. in other words, id like to rule out any possibility that im not trans before medically investing in being trans. any chance you have any advice for me? (2/2)”

hey there—still active, if sporadic.

when it comes to healing from dysphoria, there’s no cure-all, no hidden path to healing that you’ve simply yet to uncover. just as there’s no way to guarantee transition will make you happy, there’s no opposite guarantee either. i can only share some of the stuff that has worked for me and some of the hardships i uncovered about living as trans, which i hope you find helpful.

what helps me?

get clear with yourself about what you believe about gender, ideologically. i personally feel, if my beliefs do not stand up to critical thought, if they cannot be supported by rational arguments, then those beliefs are not worth holding on to and i need to let them go. this is what happened to me WRT transness, gender, and all that.

start small—what is gender? is gender innate? do we have gendered souls? how could we have gendered souls if gender is a social construct? okay, so we can’t have gendered souls, so what is gender, if not innate? is gender the social expectations and norms attached to the two sexes? is it possible to break those roles and expectations? does breaking those roles and expectations change anyone’s sex? no—males can behave in typically feminine ways and females in typically masculine ways and that does nothing to change their sex. so what would conceivably make someone (or myself) trans? inhabiting the social roles and expectations of the gender associated with the opposite sex. since we already established that gender isn’t innate and we don’t have gendered souls, there’s no merit in the “born in the wrong body” narrative; it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. we each get one body, no matter how we change it. but if i wasn’t born in the wrong body, why do i feel so uncomfortable with mine, especially with the sexed aspects of it? if you’re female, the likely culprit is misogyny. you don’t actually have to hate women on a conscious level to be suffering from internalized misogyny. we live in a misogynistic world, it saturates everything. if you’re female, it affects almost every factor of how you move through this world—how people treat you, what opportunities you’re given, which behaviors are encouraged for you and which are discouraged, etc. if you are inclined to prefer masculinity—for whatever reason—society will encourage this in males and discourage it in females. having your way of being subtly discouraged all the time can easily lead to feeling disconnected from your body, perhaps even hating it, especially since you know that your way of being would be ENCOURAGED if only your body were male. and that’s when many of us encounter trans ideology that tells us we CAN be male—in fact, we actually were all along! all we have to do is change our bodies drastically with lifelong medication and surgery, all we have to do is trade money and time and health to convincingly imitate the opposite sex—THEN society will finally recognize that our way of being is okay—because we were actually masculine MEN all along, it was simply our female bodies obscuring that. does this feel like a good or healthy trade to you? it doesn’t to me, but i can’t make these decisions for you.

there IS an important caveat, a shortcut that bypasses this bad trade entirely—and that’s realizing that your way of being is ALREADY okay. masculine females and feminine males are healthy and good. it’s not always easy to comfortably BE that way in a society that does not embrace masculinity in women and femininity in men, but the solution is not to change your self, it’s to change the society. and the only way you can do that is by carving out that path—BE a masculine female/woman and you’ll show little girls today that there’s a place for them in this world.

i did try out the trade for myself, however, and i learned a few things you might find useful—maybe these lessons i learned can save you the time and money and pain i’ve already spent.

1) you never actually change sex. you’re always chasing the aesthetic imitation of the opposite sex with transition, but never becoming the opposite sex. in this and so many other ways, transition never ends.

2) passing is conditional. when your sense of self is predicated upon others seeing you a certain way, it can be taken from you in a second. i could be treated like one of the guys for a year, until one of them finds out i was born female. now that he knows, he cannot unknow. now my experience is tied to how he sees me—does he see me as a woman now that he knows? is he comfortable with me in the locker room? it was stressful and uncomfortable for others to have this level of control over my experience of the world and of myself. it’s also out of my control whether he decides to lend manhood to me now—will he use male pronouns with me? will he call me a woman? will he out me to the others? will he sexualize me or sexually assault me based on my female body?

3) as stated above, transition never ends. no matter how well you pass, transition always requires maintenance. you’ll need bloodwork as long as you’re on hormones—that’s time and money you wouldn’t have otherwise spent. you’ll need supplies for your hormone shots—time and money you wouldn’t have spent. there will be instances where you need to disclose your trans status, thus repeating the coming out process infinitely—doctors or EMTs, new intimate partners, friends. this process is exhausting and othering, it’s an ever-present reminder of the fact that you’re trans.

4) medical transition is expensive in terms of money and heath. taking hormones is always a risk. there’s potential for: cardiovascular risk associated with testosterone, vaginal atrophy and sexual side effects, changes to mood (some for the better, some worse), not liking how hormones change your body. then there’s the financial aspect. in the USA at least, this costs money—money for doctor’s visits, money for the hormones themselves, money for the supplies to administer them. there’s risk in any surgery—risk of death or serious complication, loss of function and sensation, improper healing, chronic pain. and of course, the monetary cost associated with surgery. removing the uterus can have lifelong consequences—early onset dimentia, lifelong need for synthetic hormones, osteoporosis.

5) there is no “actually trans.” there’s no meaningful distinction between “true trans” people and others. trans people transition and identify as trans. their dysphoria isn’t any different than mine was. there’s no method for parsing “real dysphoria” from something else. transness is an ideology. i liken it to religion. there are no “real christians” and fake christians, there are only people who believe and those who don’t. that’s the salient difference between myself (detransitioner) and trans people—belief. and if something requires me to believe in it to be real...well that’s a good indication it probably isn’t.

good luck out there. these are heavy questions and weighty struggles. there’s no harm in focusing on other aspects of your life when you’re having trouble answering Big Gender Questions. rooting for you.

[geffenrecords]

killjoys 🔪🔪🔪🔪 now

GSHFNEOFNSLDMDSKDM PELASE

okay oh my god the killjoys i ffucking love them? theyre my ocs now actually gerard way gave them to me bc i asked nicely and also gave them a kiss bc im so nice. /j

but gawd where to start i.....basically made up an entire universe for them in my head bc i cant be assed to read the comics n the canon is soooo inconsistent i can do whatever i want. who's gonna stop me. huh. the publishing company hunts me down and says No. try me.

ummm anyway first and foremost they cannot die......like legit. sing dont exist wdym. it's some real the old guard shit actually 🤨🍷 idk if anyone here has watched tht but Basically the ppl can die but their wounds heal up instantly and they can just keep going [that movie was so sexy i reccomend it] n that's pretty much how i think the killjoys operate? it's a little sadistic tho bc theres really nothing like teens telling you all the graphic ways theyve been maimed and killed only to still b kickin.....no ones sure if the girl shares the same curse/power, and theyre too scared to truly test it.

but yeah they fuck around w it a lot ghoul keeps track of how many times they all die and jets like thats not funny and ghouls like im sorry i cant hear you over my winning streak. he gets to 69 and they have never seen him so happy hes sofucking annoying......but kobra also kinda doesnt take it seriously he purposefully kinda throws ghoul around like a ragdoll just bc he knows he can. to quote myself from one of kyrs and i's various conversations, "youre laughing. ghoul just died and youre laughing, kobra." u know how in the dream theives ronan throws noah off the fucking roof. yeah thats their dynamic.

can the killjoys actually die like in the old guard where they randomly stop healing? who knows? maybe theyll be like this forever, or maybe theyll slow down one day. who's to say they even age. not them.

anyway um on a less edgy note.........as for their backstories.....kobra n party grew up in the city definitely 🤨 no ones sure who stopped taking the pills first the memories are so fuzzy......what they both DO remember is doing hurried things at night like chopping all kobras hair and running as fast as they could into the desert and hiding out till they were found by dr d. i love their dynamic like yeas. party is an annoying whiny bitch who cries and is heartbroken easily and kobra is the human embodiment of B| but they love each other very much.......party holds kobra close when he cries and vise versa and kobra will never forget the things party did to make him feel so safe bc listen. that is their babie brother. they would die for him. kobra is so fragile at first like he'd never admit it but oh.....the way his voice shook when he told party hes a boy n im not going to touch on that for tht long bc that's embarrassing hiiii but kobra is So trans. look at him and tell me that is Not a transmasc as fuck guy. it goes over well tho bc party lives breathes and dies for kobra and their gender is also yes heheheh....... anyway theyre both found by jet and pony one day and dr d kinda takes em in.......theyre v v wary at first n party kind of glares at everyone the whole time and if they get too close to kobra they will Be Violent and kobra just sits very still the whole time but eventually they warm up and become all alive blah bla bla <3

and JET......MY BELOVED............god i love jet <3 which is why i apologize for making them suffer GBDJFNGKDMDKDF. uhm......jet is desert born n shit and they had a fairly large family......quite a few siblings and loving parents that are......no more.....they dont like to talk about it but kobras gotten them to open up a few times and. it's not pretty. jet lived w dr d for a bit.......show pony is like their sibling at this point they have so many inside jokes and jet taught them spanish so theyll whisper and giggle to each other and it's so annoying......they call dr d dad too so true he cries they love each other :-( but yeah jet is so wild like listen. jet is a chaotic mom friend. yall alwaysmake it weird istg but like. jet is very caring and kind bc they had so many siblings so they kind of revert back to that a lil w the others n the girl but also theyre just like. slightly unhinged. they were raided with show fucking pony what did you expect.......jet just disappears n theyre all like !??!?!?!?!!? n then a few minutes later jet calls them like guys. did you know that i can outrun that jackal pack by tommys. theyre so much slower than ithought. and theyre like okay......um........and then they come home with random shit like why do you have the steering wheel of a 1978 car. where did you get that. why. i love them :-) they care for others and spend a lot of time bandaging others up and stuff but also they r kind of......wild.....they have lots of weird stuff abt them and a lot of scars. probably the most out of the four? idk how that all works but i say it can shut up it's my fictional universe and i get to say what happens. also they do the girls hair :-) me n kyrs r big biggg fans of this.......they have similar hair texture and they call the girl all these cute little nicknames in spanish and carry her around all they all like the girl is just Carried around all the time......she is small and holdable what can i sya.......

oh and ghoulll yeassss this bitch........ghoul is also desertborn but hes been on his own for a while.......kobra n party were found pretty early on by show pony n co. but ghoul wasnt found until they were abttttt.........15 or so? and God they were absolutely feral still is but he Bit. so much. he hissed and everything. he just sat in the corner glaring at everyone it took quite a bit of time to actually get him to open up......and he was so paranoid theyd throw him out if he fucked up.....he knocks something off dr d's desk and they find him hiding and crying somewhere and they all hug him and tell him its okay and hes like What.......its more of a subconscious fear now he trusts the others w his life n stuff but like...deep down yknow....anyway he still bites it's mostly to piss off kobra their relationship is.....fun. ghoul brings home wild animals and growls if he wants and kobra is like Die. kobra lives to piss off ghoul oh my god every chance he gets he takes a jab at him pls....ghouls like look at this tiny little bitch i found while holding up a mouse and kobra is like thats what we said when we found you and ghouls like BITCH. DIE. HATE YOU. but they are best friends <3

n um.....last one the GIRLLLLL HELLOOOOOOO.....shes what really solidifies the team tbh like they were starting to really bond and work together she really clicked them all in place they lover her so much oh my god......they all try to give her the childhood they could never have and it's their worst fear soemthing will happen to her or them and they wont be around for her anymore esp party they lie awake thinking about what would happen......and ghoul always tells him theyre all doing the best they can for her and shes clearly happy but still they're so scared.......dr d tells them theyre proud of how theyve raised her and they cry omg......and ALSO. another epic kyrslee hc is that the girl is actually closest w kobra. he takes her out on the motorcycle all the time [he makes her wear the helmet dw] nd shes the only one allowed to call him silly nicknames like kitty or whatever......ghoul tries it and kobra maims him <3 kobra is like here ill kiss ur scrape better and ghouls like wheres my kiss tf.....and kobra covers the girls ears and is like whores dont get kisses. and ghoul is so mad......partys like ill kiss u :] and ghouls like No. Ur Goddam Brother Better Give Me My Fucing Smooch. but yea the girl is their babie they LOVE HER........jet teaches her [and ghoul] to read and it's very sweet and party let's her paint and draw on the walls and compliments her and sticks her drawings up everywhere......they renovated the pantry to be her little room but soemtimes she sleeps in one of their rooms yknow she loves them.....n they lvoe her i cry........

um.......i might stop here this is so long and if i start on the romance n shit this will get unbearable but yes 💖

[headofhelios]

For the ask thing: I can’t imagine shipping the invisible man 1933 with anyone but I do want to hear your invisible man 1933 thoughts. Also the T-1000 if you want!

oh ABSOLUTELY i'm doing both!!!

'33 INVISIBLE MAN

How I feel about this character DR. JACK GRIFFIN MY BELOVED!!! MY BESTIE!!! he's SUCH a neurotic little weirdo and i love him. the original transgender mad scientist. the origin of guys with fucked up unhinged laughs (his laugh inspired the joker laugh!!!). when he rocks back and forth and clenches his fists? I Get It. when he said "Even the MOON is frightened of me! Frightened to death! THE WHOLE WORLD is FRIGHTENED TO DEATH!" YES! KING! WE LOVE YOU!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character OKAY i also cannot imagine like . Shipping him w characters BUT that said his relationship w flora is pretty cute (his little "oh! you're wearing that hat, the one i always loved on you :)"... cute... also the way hes only normal around her and does everything to try to give her a good life... he's sweet i enjoy him)

My non-romantic OTP for this character see this is hard because he has like. no friends ucbdjfbfhf BUT he and flora would still be so so so sweet as besties!!! and there IS something about his line to kent about Why he left to finish his invisibility solution in another village ("i couldnt bear for you to see me fading away like that" or something) IS sweet and i feel like on jack's side it was a very important, close friendship (but i feel like kent thought much less of it just based on how quickly he wants to make a move on flora when jack's missing.) OH AND IF WE WANT TO GET INSANE W IT. i feel like he and herbert west could be besties. or they'd try to maim one another.

My unpopular opinion about this character ARE THERE ANY OPINIONS ON HIM? um you know what actually i'm probably the only person in the world who headcanons him as a trans man. like idk he has the same "trying to be god" thing that local tboy swag haver herbie w. has plus personally i attribute my Wanting-To-Be-Invisible as a child to being transgender. so. also throughout the movie people are horrified by the thought of his invisible body something something peoples horror at trans bodies. this makes sense in my head i promise ♥️

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon I JUST WISH HE'D GET MORE ATTENTION... dr. jack griffin my favorite guy jack griffin... hm i do also wish there had been a few more scenes where his old self shines through, like the scenes with flora, but mostly i just want him to be appreciated hfjfhffh he's fun! he's a silly goose! he derails trains!

1995 T-1000

How I feel about this character MY GUY!!! he is my favorite boy. he is my bestie. he is me. he is everything i want to be. i am so insane about this guy. he transed my gender SO fucking hard when i watched t2 for the first time. if it were socially acceptable i would name myself t-1000. i wish i were joking

All the people I ship romantically with this character the rev-9. i'm only half joking about this. ik ik the popular thing is him and the t-800 whatever i dont see it. him and the rev-9 though? Yes. Yes. fucked up robot boyfriends will make each other worse will murder people with knife arms as a date. liquid metal terminators stay together babe!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character i have a whole post t2 au but basically: i want him to be hate-besties with the t-800 (the t-1000 wants to maim him so bad but also they understand each other on a lot of things) AND ALSO i want him to be john's other robot uncle but significantly less responsible. he rents horror movies for john and sneaks him into r-rated movies. also he has to be told several times not to murder children who are mean to john.

My unpopular opinion about this character ohhh man. oh man. honestly i think its kind of unpopular to post abt him on tumblr and NOT ship him w the t-800 but i just dont see it i dont GET ITTT i have TRIED. but i just dont see it im sorry 😔 and then off tumblr. if i tell the average terminator enjoyer that the t-1000 is transgender i feel like they might attack me. but i'm right. also some ppl seem to think that the t-1000 doesn't feel emotions even though it clearly does? it shows confusion @ the mall mannequin, it expresses shock + pain in the steel mill, "i know this hurts"... plus it goes out of its way to keep things it enjoys (using the motorcycle even when it would be faster to run up the stairs, keeping the biker boots + pants on after switching outfits) and thats not even getting into the fact that the molecular brain is SO human.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon OH BOY. okay part of me understands WHY it was cut and appreciates the decision to cut it. but also part of me does still wish that the scene wherein the t-1000 locates an encampment of the connors allies and kills them all like some fucking slasher villain had at LEAST made it as far as the scriptwriting stage!!! give me my horror scenes in terminator movies!!!

[that-one-queer-poc]

Yes, special snowflake, this is completely /srs.

agh ok here i go <333 also i dont want you to feel any pressure in trying to help me solve these problems, even just an ‘ok’ is entirely welcome after just to show you were listening (just clarifying bc ik i would be trying to fix the venter’s problems asdjhkdf)

so mostly my problems are coming from my dad and the music i listen to, like the songs slap and i like them but they make me think about issues that i dont have or dont have to deal with just yet so im just giving myself extra stress

also my dad is just terrible like he

doesnt care about other ppl

gaslights

refuses to change anything about himself but expects everyone else to change for him

thinks that he knows everything and tries to offer advice where its not needed

just a superiority complex in general

my mom is better but even she has her issues

and also im kinda pissed at majorities for no reason rn lol, as someone who just has to deal with the cards ive been dealt (mixed poc, queer, trans, nd, afab, etc) im just mad at the queer community rn and how generalized and super white it is. like what happened to all those black trans women who threw the first bricks at stonewall. where are all the latine enbies. why am i only seeing rupaul and black twinks who act like him. i thought we were supposed to be diverse but whatever lol

and then theres my sister who up until now, i believed had my back no matter what, but then when i tried to tell her i was trans, she just shot me down as if nothing she had said before about being there for me ever happened. i trusted her so much, she was my rock, i could come to her about anything, but like not anymore ig

also im failing 3 classes, which has never happened before, i have like a 30-something in one and i can bring the others up kinda quick but that grade might be the one that sends me to summer school or grade repetition, bc my mental health is so bad but therapy only happens once a month (luckily its soon but still) and my parents refuse to listen to me at all when i tell them about my likely adhd and my burnout and my insomnia and then wonder why im doing so bad and becoming a recluse

plus also i keep looking at myself in the mirror and every time i do i look different. and also none of them quite match how i feel on the inside. like someone this mentally fucked up shouldnt look like this, idk? but like yeah if you read this then im sorry <3