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silverstonesainz · 1 year

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august

─── august slipped away into a moment in time... 'cause it was never mine

daniel ricciardo x fem!reader warnings; just sad. 17.8 k words

Everything with Daniel came easy. It came naturally, beautifully, and all at once. It was a good thing.

You met him in August, under the scorching summer sun and bottomless margaritas. Between glasses of mango and lime, you bumped into him. He smiled, you smiled too, and the rest wrote itself. You were drunk– a little too drunk for three in the afternoon, but what was summer for? You stumbled on your feet, toes slipping through the straps of your flimsy shoes as you staggered for your own balance. And in a failed attempt to keep yourself upright, you reached out for a chair but instead found your fingers gripping onto the white linen of his shirt. His hands were quick to find their place on your torso, like it was always meant to be there, like he’d done this a million times before. Daniel helped you find your balance, knees bent so that he’s at your eye level. His smile was sobering, knocking the air right out of your lungs. Thank you was caught in your throat, even if your lips were parted to give them way. But you were rendered speechless.

“You alright?” He asked, the warmth of his hands seeping through the thin material of your sundress.

“Y-yeah.” You finally managed, putting your weight back onto your feet. “I’m alright.”

“Good. I’m Daniel, by the way.”

He let you go, and you missed him. He held his hand out of you to shake, one you gladly take as you tell him your name. He repeated with a smile. You were the first to pull your hand from his. “Could I buy you a drink? As a thank you, for saving me?”

He obliged. And after another strawberry– or was it watermelon? You couldn’t distinguish the details by then. All you could remember is that Daniel sat at the bar with you and laughed at jokes you’re sure made no sense. You have a vague memory of the party ending, of having to bid adieu even if you weren’t quite ready to say goodbye to your new friend. But that’s when your memory goes spotty and the next thing you know you’re waking up in yesterday’s clothes with a pounding in your head. The sun beckons a new day, your last day in Mykonos begs you to fight through your hangover to enjoy your last twenty-something hours in paradise. So you do. You rinsed all your mistakes under the cool water, flashes of honey brown eyes and a smile so wide it hurt your cheeks thinking about it.

Two texts sat waiting for you when you stepped out of the shower.

Unknown 9:19 AM Hey, it’s Daniel. Care to join me for breakfast?

You weren’t sure when you had given him your number, but you silently thanked your drunk-self for doing something sober-you could never muster the courage to do. By then, your friends had already gone on their final adventure, leaving you to recover in the hotel room. You had no plans for your last day, so you replied with a quick sure, and got ready.

Daniel is already sitting at the table when you make it down. He’s seated at the far corner of the hotel restaurant, nursing a cup of coffee as he read something on his phone. The nerves rattled your chest with every step you take, hoping silently that he would look up at you so you wouldn’t have to awkwardly announce your presence. And he did, setting his cup and phone down the closer you got. Hey you he says softly, standing from his chair to greet you with a hug.

He was warm, smelled of rain in the spring, of the happy earth after a downpour. He smelled like a backyard of freshly watered flowers, of home and comfort. You tried not to let yourself drown in it, but you know it would be something you’ll be chasing for the rest of your days.

You sat across from him, allowing small talk of the weather to unravel into a two hour conversation. You talked about work, about your best friend’s bachelorette party– the reason you were in Mykonos in the first place. You told him about your hopes and dreams, the silly ones and the serious ones. And he spoke of the world, of the places he’s traveled, the people he’s met. He made life sound so exciting, He speaks of life so happily, you were almost envious of him. His eyes glistened with every word, every laugh, every ounce of hope you could ever wish for yourself.

“So when do you leave?” Daniel asked, sipping on his water.

You blew out a sigh, “Tomorrow morning.”

It was the first time you saw him frown. A deep frown that had his lips curved down and brows furrowed. That’s too soon he complained. It was. It was far too soon, but you didn’t have the heart to admit it outloud. So you nodded, a soft hum buzzing past your closed lips as you brought your hot tea up to your mouth.

“Any plans for the rest of the day?” You shook your head. “Would you let me take up your time then?”

You could feel your cheeks turn red, heat rising to the tips of your ears. Daniel smiled, eyes wide and bright like they knew what your answer was going to be. How could you deny him?

Daniel didn’t have much of a plan, but it didn’t matter. You enjoyed his company, you enjoyed the laughter and the way he looked at you. You walked the streets, played tourist with him. You walked in and out of shops, convincing each other you needed this little knickknack and that tacky magnet. And by the end of it, you had handfuls of cheesy souvenirs to remember the day by.

The last stop was the gift shop in the hotel lobby. You followed each other up and down the aisles of the little store, past overpriced snacks and toiletries. Sneaky glances and smiles after catching the other, you and Daniel play cat and mouse throughout the store till you part ways. You found yourself spinning the display of touristy jewelry. Leather straps, tarnishable chains, with beachy charms attached. Flowers, a turtle, even a single wave. You stole a glance at Daniel who looked up at the shirt selections, flipping through the sizes in search of his own. A bit of sadness settled in your chest as you came to realize that the end of your day– of your time– with Daniel was coming slow & torturous. You ached at the thought, biting on the inside of your cheek as you crouch down to get a better view of the adjustable bracelets.

You met him at the register with an exchange of sad smiles. You paid for your stuff, he paid for his. And as you stepped out of the gift shop, your heart lacked a heaviness you had been expecting. The sadness was there, but no dread. You stopped with a soft stomp, turning on your heel to look up at Daniel. He stared down at you with a certain kind of softness, the smile maybe a bit dampened by the incoming goodbyes that you were yet to exchange, but you had an inkling that it wouldn’t be the last time you were going to see him.

“Thank you for today,” You said softly, “I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too.”

Silence. Shifty feet. An unwillingness to say farewell.

You looked down at your small gift bag, pushing around the crumpled receipts to pull out a bracelet. It had black, adjustable straps, looped through dark blue beads. You held it out to him, “For you. Something to remember…”

Remember what? You couldn’t say. But Daniel understood. He took it, ripped apart the plastic and slipped it on. He shook it on his wrist, smiling up at you like a kid who did something right. Then he was fishing his bags until he pulled out his own little gift to you. He held it out in his palm, a silver keychain with a photo of the windmills in the middle of it, uttering the same words you had moments before. Something to remember. You took it with a soft thank you, holding it tight in your fist.

This was it, the impending goodbye, the inevitable end to it all. Neither of you wanted to say it, to end the chapter– close the book.

“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He asked hopefully, the grip on his bags suddenly tighter.

You smiled. “I’ll visit you in Monaco.”

“I’ll visit you in London.”

“Okay.”

One breath. Inhale. Exhale.

You threw your arms around him, savored the way his own found solace around your middle. You tried to memorize the way it felt to be in his arms, the smell of the fresh rain– the feeling of home. You’d known the man for twenty-four hours and yet, all this came easy. Melting into him, picturing the rain, promises of flying country to country, it all came so easy.

His hands rubbed your sides as you pulled away from him. Safe travels, doll.

You too Danny.

Maybe walking away wasn’t the easiest thing, to turn your back on him while silently wishing he would stop you. You wished you lived in a movie where the guy impeded your travel plans. Because truth be told, if Daniel asked you to stay a little longer, you might’ve done it. But you made it to the elevator all by yourself, turned to catch a final glimpse of Daniel, who stood in the same place you left him. He lifted his hand, waved one more time before the doors shut. You huffed a sigh, tried to turn your focus to repacking your luggage. Your friends were all back in the room, pestering you on your whereabouts. But you smiled, shrugged your shoulders as you let the day behind you play in the back of your mind.

You finished packing most of your things by ten that evening, promptly falling asleep as the exhaustion from walking all day swallowed you whole. Your dreams were filled with fantasies of a boy with curly hair and honey brown eyes, and his warmth engulfing you. It was pleasant, comforting, homey.

And in the middle of all that good, your eyes sprung open. You had a sudden burst of energy, unable to fall back asleep even if your flight wasn’t for another five hours. You tossed and turned, trying to find a sweet spot that would allow you to slip back into a slumber. But to no avail, it’s three-thirty and there was no hope in falling asleep. You sighed, sitting up and reaching over to grab your phone off the nightstand. Your phone pinged. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Daniel 3:32 AM Are you awake? Please say you’re awake

You smiled, biting down on your bottom lip.

You 3:33 AM I’m awake.

Daniel 3:33 AM Good. Meet in the lobby. PJs mandatory.

You’re giddy, slipping out of bed as quickly and quietly as you can. You grabbed your room key and cellphone, slipped on your slippers, before taking the elevator. The doors slid open, revealing Daniel standing in the same place you left him. His smile was contagious, making your cheeks hurt as you took quick steps over to him. He held his hand out, palm facing up as he mocked a bow while whispering a soft m’lady.

You grinned, taking his hand and letting him whisk you away. You walked the length of the hotel beach, up and down, chasing your shadows given by the warm lamps that illuminate your path. Your toes dug into the wet sand, leaving an imprint of yourself with every step. You bumped shoulders with Daniel, exchanged sleepy smiles, all too happy to bask in the other’s company for a moment longer. Finally, Daniel pulled you down on the sand by him, higher up the property, but still close enough to the threat of the tide. The stars glimmered, twinkled down at you.

“Why were you up?” You asked, turning to look at him. You traced the arch of his nose as he stared up at the sky, traced the curls that lay on his forehead. Daniel blew out a breath through puckered lips, shrugging.

“Why were you?”

The question rested in the air above them, leaving the other to assume the answer. Another comfortable silence, accompanied by the ocean coming and receding. Fingers unknowingly inch closer and closer, begging to be laced between each other. But they danced on the sand, pinkies brushing but never linking.

It’s Daniel’s turn to look at you. His turn to trace the curve of your lips, the curl of your lashes, to commit you to memory. “I want to see you again.”

You smiled, coughed a laugh. “I leave in a couple hours Daniel.”

“Yeah I know. But… we could meet again.”

You turned your head. You searched for the joke, for the punchline, the goofy smile followed by light-hearted laughter. But all Daniel did was smile. Lips touching, dimples deep. His eyes read with so much hope, it sent your heart into a frenzy.

“We could.”

He grinned. “We could.”

You nodded, teeth digging into your bottom lip to hide the dopey smile that threatened to peek through.

There weren’t many words exchanged for the remainder of the hour. You memorized the placement of the stars in the night sky, the sound of the tide rolling to and fro. You remembered the night exactly as it was: just you, Daniel, and the world quietly watching.

The fifth hour rolled around, forcing you on your feet. Your hands found themselves in Daniel’s, giggling as you tried to pull him up onto his feet with you. You brushed away the sand, shook out your hair. You looked up at Daniel as he did the same, smiling over at him when he looked at you. The walk back to the lobby was slow, filled with small talk about the weather and travel plans. He rode the elevator up to your floor, walked you to your door, just as a gentleman does. He tucks your hair back, chuckles softly.

“I’ll text you.”

“And I’ll respond.”

He smiled, taking a step backwards, “I’ll see you soon.”

Another step back, and another, and another until he’s at the end of the hall and waving at you. You stood at your door, watching him leave, waving back before he turned the corner and disappeared. You tapped your key against the door, unlocking it and shut it softly. With your back pressed against the hardwood, you exhaled softly. Head in your hands and a hole in your chest in the shape of Daniel. You felt crazy, maybe a little delirious. Another huff, another hopeful sigh as you pushed yourself off the door and got ready to fly home.

The morning flew past you. Between security lines and scrambling to buy some coffee, you barely had a moment to breathe. And when you finally did find the time, all you could think of was Daniel. Of his laughter, the smell of his cologne, the sweet promise to see each other soon. You slipped your phone out of your pocket, a bit disappointed at the lack of a text. But it was half-past seven in the morning, the man must’ve been asleep… right?

You boarded the plane, buckled yourself into your seat minutes before eight. Still not a single text from the Australian. Your fingers hovered above your keyboard, thumbs shaking as you searched for the words to say to him.

You 7:56 AM Don’t forget about me.

And after four hours, when the plane touched down in Heathrow, you took your phone off airplane mode. Notifications come rolling through, emails from work, a missed call from mom, and one text from the man himself.

Daniel 10:05 AM Never

You learned how much Daniel loved Monza in September. He found victory in his despair there, saw the triumphs and falls of so many racers before him. Daniel loved Monza.

Daniel 11:03 AM The energy is great, you should’ve come out.

The invite was on the table, he had asked you two weeks ago if it was something you’d be interested in attending. You should’ve said yes– any sane person would’ve. But you couldn’t, as much as you wanted to see him again, to be able to talk to him in person and just be with him, you couldn’t say yes. You’d never be able to explain it, other than the fact that you were shy, and holding onto a bit of your Mykonos fantasy. You liked living in a world where your friendship was only something between you and Daniel. You liked the bit of distance, found comfortability in it. At least for now.

So you opted to keep up with him through text and the telly. You exchanged messages until he had to set his phone down, then watched each session, each day. Practice. Qualifying. Race Day.

You 12:01 PM Good luck. I’ll be here for the debrief.

The debrief was a series of texts, mostly from Daniel. It’s every broken hope, every could’ve, should’ve, would’ve that ever crossed his mind. It was you trying to console a broken spirit, to reignite something in him that was already dead. He took your words with grace every time, even if you both knew he didn’t believe a single letter of it.

You 12:02 PM You’re gonna do great.

Daniel 12:04 PM It’s gonna be great.

You smiled at the optimism, at least you hoped that’s what it was. You sat back on race day, watched every second of coverage– from the driver’s parade to the pre-race talk. You saw glimpses of Daniel, of the beloved honey badger. And oh how everyone loved Daniel. Everyone rooted for Daniel, to bring glory to a gloriless team like he had just one year prior. Oh how everyone believed in Daniel too, even if he didn’t quite believe in himself.

Daniel loved Monza, even if Monza didn’t love him back.

It was a painful watch, the final lap of the race was coming into view… and then his car sprung a leak. And that was it, that was the end. Goodbye to the glory, goodbye to the hope.

You didn’t expect to hear from him that night, so it was to your surprise when your phone pinged as his name appeared on your screen. You set your little late-night snack aside, leaning back into the couch as you open the message.

Daniel 9:00 PM Wish you came anyways. Would’ve made the weekend worth its while

You smiled.

You 9:01 PM Next time. Promise.

Daniel 9:03 PM Next time <3

Daniel facetimed you for the first time in October. It caught you off guard. You had been exchanging texts with him since you had seen him last, an occasional voice note from you or him, but it was never anything more than that.

You were cooking dinner. Your hair was up in a disarray, looped carelessly through an elastic in hopes to cool your body down from the heat in your kitchen. You had marinara sauce on the collar of your old high school t-shirt, and you looked less than flattering in the maroon basketball shorts from an ex-boyfriend long long ago. But he was calling, his name and face occupying your screen. He was interrupting a video you were watching because he was calling.

You swiped your phone across the screen, holding it up to give a view of your shoulders to the top of your head. Daniel smiled, wet curls stuck to his forehead. He was clad in black hoodie, airpods tucked into his ears. You hadn’t seen him so happy post-race, the string of bad results and over all bad luck had been wearing him down. You knew it, he knew it, hell the whole world knew it. But here he was, smiling like he had won the whole damn thing.

He said your name like it tasted sweet, dripping like honey from his lips. “Did you watch?”

You propped your phone against the towel holder, shaking your head as you do. “No, I was working on a project. I meant to watch the highlights while I ate dinner.”

“What are you cooking?”

“Pasta.” You felt your cheeks heat up. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“This is the third night in a row.”

“I just need something quick. Pasta’s always quick!” You defended.

He rolled his eyes playfully, biting back a smile. You saw it in the way his cheeks began to round, lips pursed. “Well hurry up. I’ll be your highlight reel for dinner.”

True to his word, Daniel gave you the brief play-by-play of his race in Singapore, the whopping fifth-place finish– best finish he’s had all year. You listened intently, shoveling penne pasta and red sauce into your mouth. You listened and listened, even if he repeated the same moment over and over, with the same excitement, same enthusiasm like he was back in the moment. There was a twinkle in his eyes, the slight inflection in his tone as the words spilled from his mouth. It made your heart soar for him, it made you happy to see him.

But then someone flipped a switch, the mood suddenly dampened as his eyes trailed off camera and his smile slowly began to fade. You pushed your empty bowl aside, pulling your phone closer to you. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

He sighed, “I just wish it was always like this, you know? Miss feeling this… this good after a race. God and it’s almost ridiculous how happy I am for P5. P-fucking-5. But it feels like I’m on the podium. I just wish I had felt this all year.”

You didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? You couldn’t exactly relate or empathize, and you know that the last thing he needed was your sympathy. He’d been getting sympathy since he had lost his seat, and the last thing he needed was to hear it from you. So you hum, pulling his gaze back to you.

“I’m proud of you.”

“You say that all that time.” He scrunched his nose, a teasing expression almost as if he didn't believe you. .

“Maybe because it’s true.” You snarked back, biting back a smile.

A brief pause. You watched his honey brown eyes dart around the screen, staring at you. At every freckle and beauty mark, surely the smeared mascara under your eyes or the faded color that stained your lips. But he wore a smile, wore a bit of adoration and… god you couldn’t identify what that ‘and’ was, but it was nice.

“Thanks.”

He kept you company for the rest of the evening, even sat on the phone staring at your bedroom ceiling while you showered and got ready for bed. And when you finally rolled into your duvet, hair brushed and skincare, Daniel was snoring softly on the phone. It was four in the morning in Singapore, the weekend had finally worn him down. You only indulged in the serenity for a moment, before whispering a quick goodnight Daniel and hanging up.

He called again when he got to Japan, showed you the tiny hotel room he had in Tokyo, gave you a list of places he and Lando planned to visit.

He called before he flew out to L.A. When he landed. When he traveled to and from and across the States until COTA weekend came around.

Daniel never stopped calling, and you never hesitated to answer.

Daniel gave you a nickname in November. You argued about it over the phone, while you packed your work bag for the following Monday. You had him propped up on your nightstand, phone leant up against your lamp. He laughed at your reaction, the grimace on your face as he called you again.

“Oh come on toots, I think it’s cute.” You shook your head, “Why not?”

“I’m not toots Daniel.” You slipped your new pens into the little pocket in your purse, “Look at me, do I look like a toots?”

He laughed. It’s the kind of laughter that’s from deep in his belly, the kind that fades out a bit with every syllable. He fell back into his bed, sinking into his gray pillow case as he held his phone over his head. He watched you pack the rest of your bag before slipping into bed yourself. It was the first time since meeting him that you were in the same time zone. He was back in Monaco, and you in London where you had always been. There were only two races left in the season. Two weekends left of Daniel in the car.

He was calling more often than not. And maybe you could blame the short break before Brazil and Abu Dhabi, but you knew Daniel a little more than that. You didn’t make a comment about it though, just accepted the opportunity to talk to him more.

You turn in your bed, setting Daniel up against the pillow by you. It was a good kind of quiet, a comfortable silence. The kind that brings about a certain… domesticity to the feel of your home, even if he was just on your phone. You liked having him there, even if really wasn’t there.

“How ya feeling?” You asked softly, pulling the covers under your chin.

He huffed a breath, “It just doesn’t feel quite real, if I’m being honest. My brain knows it’s happening but my heart… I don’t know. It’s cheesy. It’s weird.” You hummed in acknowledgement, shifting a bit in your place. “But it’ll be good. It’ll be fine.”

“It will. It will. You will.”

He smiled, nodded. “But you know what’ll make it better?” You raised your brow, a soft hm buzzing from behind your lips. He grinned cheekily, “If you came and watched me in Abu Dhabi, toots.”

Your heart swelled even if you scowled. Daniel hadn’t bothered to invite you to a race since Monza, which is fine. You were busy with work, and there really wasn’t a break long enough for Daniel to get an invite together for you. And plus, you had already declined him once.

“My family is coming out, close friends too. But the entourage wouldn't be complete if I didn’t have you in the garage.”

You pulled the blanket over your face to hide the way it turned red. And much to your surprise, he didn’t tease. No playful comments or layers of compliments to make your cheeks tinge red. No knowing laughter, or gentle chuckle. Just soft, patient breathing, waiting quietly for your answer. Your heart, however, was beating out of your chest. It was so loud you could hear it in your head. It echoed, bounced off the curve of your skull. You tried to steady your breathing, tried to ease the uneasiness that resides in your chest. It was the nerves, the threat– a mere opportunity to make all this real.

Three months and some days had passed since you met Daniel. Three months and some days had passed since you said goodbye. Three months and some days spent dreaming of the smell of fresh rain, warm hugs, and honey brown eyes. Three months and some days.

“Absolutely no pressure. But it would mean the world to me if you did.”

Seeing Daniel in person would mean that you are more to him than some girl on the phone. It would mean that all this was more than the twenty or thirty something hours together in Mykonos three months ago. Flying out to Abu Dhabi would mean the world to him, and a galaxy to you.

You pulled the covers off your face just in time to see Daniel run his fingers through his frizzy curls. He works his fingers over his head, stuffing it between him and the pillow behind him. The muscles in his arms bulge, stretch the sleeve of his athletic t shirt. You wondered if your cheeks got redder. His eyes move off screen, humming a soft tune that barely makes the airwaves to you, but you can hear it just under his shuffling about. He pulls up the covers, you see the edge of his gray sheet come into view. You watched for a few seconds more, watched him settle into his space, snuggled under the covers, before his eyes come back up to meet your gaze.

He smiled. You smiled. It was nice. It was good.

“So… when do I fly out?”

Abu Dhabi was a spectacle, buzzing with energy for the final race of the season. It was impossible to escape that kind of excitement, even outside of the paddock. You heard the buzz, the excitement of who was going to win the race, even if the winner was already spoken for. You enjoyed the optimism, the smiling faces, the feeling of being there in that moment. It was a last for Daniel for the foreseeable future. You were privy to the toll the last couple of years have been on him, the stress, the sadness, the disappointment at the results he continued to produce. But the end was finally here, his final race in orange before a much needed break. It was sad, but it was good.

The hotel was swarmed with fans, waiting for the opportunity to meet their favorite driver. There were heads of bright orange and red, contrasting against the black and navy. The entrance was crowded with people, it was damn near impossible to get through and check in. But you managed with the help of a young busboy, who complained and pushed through a group of crazed fans. It wasn’t long from there, and soon you were flopping onto the queen bed of your hotel room with a loud sigh. Nearly seven hours on the plane had wiped you out, and if it weren’t for the fact you promised to meet Daniel, you would’ve fallen asleep right there.

But alas, you forced yourself out of bed, stood in the hot shower to wash away the dirty air. You were cleaner, and in turn much more nervous. Have you scrubbed enough? Did the scent of your shampoo stick? Oh god how did you have enough time to do your hair? Will it dry in time?

You couldn’t stomach finding out the answer.

You pocketed air in your cheeks as you paced to and from the mirror to your unzipped luggage. You had overpacked– of course you did– and had about half the items strewn across the floor as you tried and failed to find an outfit worth meeting Daniel in again. A dress seemed a bit much and somehow every single pair of jeans you packed squeezed on your stomach a little more than you’d like. You huffed after the fourth outfit, soured mood as you stepped into sweat shorts and an old sweatshirt from college. You were meant to meet Daniel in less than an hour and you were stuck at square one: your hair a ratty mess, make-up strewn across the bathroom sink (untouched), and your luggage exploding with clothes you suddenly hated.

You stood, stared at yourself in the mirror as you gripped on your hairbrush, running it through tangles and an otherwise unruly mess. You dragged and pulled until your hair was smooth. But even then it wasn’t smooth enough, you just didn’t have it in you to care. Your makeup was dragged across your face. You went through the motions, all muscle memory and not a thought about the colors and products. And even at the end of all that, after getting yourself to look less haggard and have your hair somewhat presentable, you still couldn’t stand to look at the mess you’ve made in your room.

You went back over your options, moving through the motions of retrying combinations, mixing and matching, and then putting them away when you concluded you didn’t like the choice. By the end of the hour, you had gotten your room semi-presentable but were still stuck in your loungewear.

And then there’s a knock.

You scratched the back of your head, a little more nervous and a little more irritated. A soft whine escapes you as you stomped your way to the front door. You yanked it open without even bothering to look through the peephole, mind far from any clue as to who it might even be.

But who else could it be?

Daniel smiled with his hands stuffed into his pockets, Enchante hoodie hanging loosely on his shoulders. His curls sit atop his head, messy, flopped over his forehead. His stubble has grown, or maybe it just appears thicker in person. But he stood there, smiling in the hallway, lips parted and ready to greet you if you had given him a chance.

You jumped into his arms like you belonged there, like a magnet pulled to metal. You held on for dear life, arms wrapped tightly as you stuffed your face into the crook of his neck. He smelled just as you remembered– smelled just like home. Slowly, one arm finds its rightful place around your torso while the other comes up so that his free hand could hold your head securely against him. His hold is firm as he lifts you off your feet, squeezes you so nicely you never wanted him to stop. You could’ve stood in that hallway like that forever, if it was ever an option.

Daniel inhaled deeply. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you more.” Your voice seeped into his skin– hot, meaningful, and everything else left in you to give.

He put you down, but you didn’t want him to. His hands come up to hold your face in his hands while his eyes scanned every bit of you. No words, just a gentle hold. You stood there, head heavy in his hands as you stared right back up at him. His tan had faded a bit, his hair much more kempt than you remember. And his hands, oh his hands are rough, loved so well by the life he’s led and yet they move with so much care, so much tenderness. The dim hallway light reflected off his wrist, off blue beads tied together by a black straps. Your heart jumped, warmed at the bracelet you bought him all those months ago around his wrist.

“Looking good toots.”

He laughed loudly as your face contorted into a grimace. Your hands come up to his chest to shove him off, a blow he takes with a grin as he takes a step back. And in succession, his slender fingers wrap around your wrist to pull you back into him.

“I don’t like that nickname.” You swatted his chest, palm and the back of your hand colliding with the soft material of his hoodie, over and over until he’s holding your wrist still while muttering I’m kidding over and over.

You rolled your eyes as you removed yourself from his hold. You invited him into your room, taking quick steps to shut your open luggage before he had a chance to see the carnage of it all. Daniel closed the door behind him for you before he followed your lead into the small hotel room. He plopped himself onto your bed, kicking off his shoes before pushing himself further up. He watched as you folded up the bit of clothes that you had left out sitting on top of your closed luggage before sitting across from him. You smiled, he smiled. Just how it’s always been.

Things sort of unraveled from there. Plans were canceled, phones tossed aside– nothing really mattered anymore. He asked about your flight, you asked about his. He asked about your work, you asked about his. It was back and forth, back and forth, jumping from one bit to the next until three hours had rolled by and Daniel had taken notice. By then you rolled onto your back, hair handing off the bed and legs lounging on top of Danny’s. He’s leant up against the headboard, arms crossed across his middle as he hum contentedly. You looked over at him, reaching over to squeeze his arm.

“Thank you for inviting me.”

His hand removed itself from underneath his arm, placing it over yours. “Thank you for coming.”

November in Abu Dhabi was not as hot as you expected it to be. For once you were grateful for over packing because otherwise you would’ve been miserable and slightly embarrassed by the initial four outfits you deemed as enough for the trip.

You met Daniel’s family on Friday. They were just finishing breakfast when you walked up to the McLaren building. Daniel was quick to stand on his feet, hand resting on the small of your back as he gestured to each family member with his free hand. You were introduced as a friend, shook the hands of his relatives with a tight smile as you went down the line. They were sweet, offered to sit with you while you ate breakfast. But you were quick to decline, having already eaten before getting to the paddock.

There were a few familiar faces amongst Daniel’s friends, if your drunken memory serves you correctly. You were greeted with enthusiastic hellos and semi-awkward side hugs. You stood with them in the garage, arms crossed tightly around yourself as you stood around waiting for the man himself. The garage was chaotic, multiple bodies moving too and from and all at once, trying to ready for the two practice sessions of the day. Your headphones were tuned to the live broadcast, so you spent the next fifteen or so minutes of commentary about Red Bull this and Ferrari that, Max this, Charles that. But then you hear it. Here comes the Honey Badger, about to hop into the car for the first Practice session of his last weekend with McLaren– his last weekend in Formula 1.

Your head turned to look up at the screen just in time to see Daniel smiling at the camera, tuning out the conversation about Daniel between commentators. He waved into the lens before turning to Michael. They exchange a few words, the camera just zooming in before switching back to the Ferrari garage. You avert your gaze back to the present, the bodies clearing to make way for Daniel to climb into his car. The loved driver walks down the line of his friends, exchanging fistbumps and a bit of laughter before finally standing up before you.

You could feel the stares, the careful watching to see what you two were about to exchange? A couple of light hearted jokes? A fistbump? Maybe even a hug?

You tried to ignore it, looking up at him with a smile you hoped resembles the bit of faith you had in him. “Have fun out there.” Your hands fiddled with each other, nervous nails picked at the skin of your cuticles.

“Thanks. I’ll see you for the debrief?”

You blew out a breath, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you.”

You didn’t see him until after the round of press after both practice sessions, but of course it was only for a fleeting moment. He had his arm wrapped around your shoulders to give you a gentle squeeze as he asked about you– always you. And then, with much reluctance, he allowed you to return to the hotel while he stayed back for another briefing.

Quali day proved to be even more energetic than the last. People moved faster, time ticked louder, and the cars pushed and pushed. You enjoyed the smell of burnt rubber, of the adrenaline that ran through the track. You held your breath for most of the day, eyes trained on the times put up, jaw clenched as Daniel clawed his way to Q3. The air in the McLaren garage is light, happy, hopeful, as the boys stroll back into the garage. Rough pats to the back and loud words of encouragement roll through. Daniel was followed by a crowd of people. They all spoke atop each other, trying to get the last word in and trying to get a response from the driver before he disappeared. But he was already gone the moment he laid eyes on you. He waved the people away. Later, later he mumbled, offering them a smile before speeding up the pace and leaving the people to wait on later. You stood when Daniel approached, allowing him to wrap one arm around you in a quick squeeze.

“Congratulations Danny,” You looked up at him, smiling widely as you leaned into his hold.

“Thanks sugar.” There was a pause, allowing the nickname to sink in before he scrunched up his nose and shook his head. You burst out in soft giggles and he grinned widely. “Somehow that’s worse than toots.”

“Definitely worse.”

Race day was exhilarating. It was a rush, even if you were only sitting in the garage. You had your legs crossed over each other, muscles tense the entire time. You couldn’t relax, not while you held out for a bit of hope in Daniel’s race. Maybe no one expected much from him these days, but you expected nothing short of greatness. You sat in your chair, silently praying that Daniel would find that sweet release, the sweetest satisfaction in that car. You gripped the lanyard of your pass tightly, leant forward towards the screens as if it would make him move faster. You spoke to him, even if he couldn’t hear you through the turns of the circuit.

And then it happened. The checkered flag was waved, the race had been won, the champion continued his reign. The night saw multiple ends, the night closed on the last of the honey badger in McLaren. While everyone jeered for Max, applauded for Sebastian, bid adieu to Nicky and Mick, you held your heart for Daniel. Your eyes watered as he spun the MCL36 in circles, sending smoke and his love to the crowd as they said their goodbyes. Quietly, you slipped back into the McLaren Hospitality, sat around by the door of his driver room as he got done with the last of press. You watched on the screens, like you always do, watched the laughter, the happiness, the adoration exchanged between Daniel and his comrades. All the hugs and see you soons, all the hope every single person held for him and his return.

Daniel was a friend to everyone, beloved by everyone, and that included you. You felt a bit of pride at the thought, but maybe a bit of emptiness at the potential. Daniel was your friend, albeit your best friend. He had become your person, even if you had spent most of your time getting to know him through the screen. But that didn’t negate the fact. It didn’t change the affection you had for him, the adoration and respect you kept for Daniel in your heart. It didn’t change the fact that maybe, just maybe, you felt more for him than you’d ever admit. But that was a little secret between you and your bedroom ceiling.

Daniel returned to you by himself. No crowds of people begging for a second of his attention, no staff reading off his agenda, not even Michael trying (and failing) to make Daniel laugh. He was all by himself, tired, disheveled, shoulders slumped and his face expressionless. You stood at one end of the room of the McLaren Hospitality and Daniel at the other. You stared at each other, unsure what was left to say after everything that happened in the hours behind him.

And then you see it– the water brimming in his eyes, the quiver of his bottom lip. You saw the frown that curved into his lips, the way his chest puffed shakily as he drew a breath. He was stuck in his place, stuck in the sadness that had finally settled in his spirit. So you met him where he stood, arms wrapping around his frame so that he could finally, finally, let go. His hands held you close to his chest, the pads of his fingers pressing into your shoulder blades. He buried his face in your shoulder, squeezing you so tightly that you found it hard to breathe.

“It’s really over.”

You pulled his face from your skin to hold in your hands, pouting as your thumbs collected the sadness that spilled onto his cheeks. Left to right, up and down, you scanned his face– every freckle and wrinkle, the way his bottom lip protrudes in a pout. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s all gonna be okay. It’ll be good. Okay?”

He nodded, head shaking quickly in your grasp as his hands scramble to pull you back into him. He held you like you were going to slip away just as every single good thing in his life had this last year. His hand comes up to the back of your neck, holding firm and warm, as he inhales deeply. “ It’ll be okay. It’ll be good.”

It’ll be good.

Daniel sent you flowers in December.

An arrangement of yellow and orange poppies arrived at your door two days before Christmas. They were waiting for you when you arrived from last minute shopping. You picked up the vase, cradled it in your arms as your keys jingled into the keyhole. The windmill keychain from August twinkled in the dim hallway lighting, reminded you of the day spent with your favorite person.

You set the flowers down on the counter, all other belongings forgotten at your feet. You picked at the small envelope that sat in the middle of the vibrant flowers. Inside, a note– typed, but the sign off was enough to tell you who had sent them.

𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚍𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚜 𝙿𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚢.

-𝟹

Your heart swelled. Swelled so big you were sure it was going to burst underneath you. You bite down on your bottom lip, hard, trying to fight the awe-struck– no, lovestruck, smile that creeped onto your face. You tried to swallow those feelings down, just as you had for months now. Forget the butterflies and what they symbolize, or the way you jumped at the sound of your phone pinging or ringing. Forget, forget, forget.

Except that you can’t forget. You can’t forget or ignore or pretend like you haven’t fallen for this… this… for him. It’s not doable, and you had been fooling yourself thinking that if you pretended for long enough, that those feelings would cease to exist. Instead they festered, grew into a monster that held you tightly. In between blue and gray text bubbles, after hour long facetime calls, you found yourself falling for him. It was hard to admit to yourself because you felt silly at the notion that you could feel that way for someone you talked to on the phone. But it wasn’t silly, it was so fucking real. You were consumed by the smell of fresh fallen rain and curly hair, consumed by chasing the feeling of him gnawing at your heart. You were all consumed by Daniel. Him, him, him.

You took a photo of the flowers, sending it as a text.

You 5:24 PM Poppy, huh?

His response was almost immediate.

Daniel 5:24 PM You like it?

You smiled. Smiled so wide your face ached. Daniel was halfway around the world. Fourteen something thousand kilometers away from you. He spent Christmas in the warmth, surrounded by his family while you were bearing it in bitter cold London. Thousands and thousands in distance, and still he makes you smile like he was sitting in the room with you.

You 5:25 PM Love it. Thank you Danny

Christmas came and went as it always does. And in the week between then and the end of the year, Daniel called you. His face occupied your phone screen, that stunning smile plastered on his face. It was ten in the morning on the 27th of December, you were in the middle of a book– one you had been putting off because of work and traveling and enjoying the reality with Daniel in it. So you were reading, but then he called and the passage was forgotten.

He claimed he had no reason to call you, that it was just because. It made your heart do flips, stupidly and erratically beating at the notion just because. You smiled, hummed as a response as you set the book aside. You asked about his holiday, he asked about yours. And just as easily as it has been before, the conversation sprouted into hours on the phone. You had slowly retreated into your bedroom, under the covers, had Daniel propped on the pillow just like he belonged. It was space reserved for him, even if he’s never laid in your bed before. God you left so much room for him in your life, he didn’t even know the half of it. He had become part of your equation, part of every what if that came across your mind– it was truly terrifying.

Daniel quieted around twelve for you. He was sitting back on his couch, phone resting in his palm as he held it up high enough you had a view of his face. His gaze was soft as he stared at you, smiling sweet.

“What?” You asked softly.

“Nothing.”

Another pause in the conversation. A brief moment of silence with an unasked question hanging in the space between you. You almost wanted to pry, but he beat you to the punch– answered the impending what you were about to whine.

“I’m flying back to Monaco for New Years… and I was wondering if you wanted to come.”

You raised a brow. “You miss me?”

“I always do.”

Your heart screeched, cheeks ached with another smile. God you couldn’t stop fucking smiling.

You shook your head, “Silly.”

“Not silly. Just true. Come to Monaco. Please?”

How could you ever say no to him? How could you ever allow yourself to miss an opportunity to see Daniel again?

So on the 29th of December you flew the two something hours to Nice, took the train to Monaco and jumped straight into Daniel’s arms. He held you like it's all he ever knew, arms wrapped so tightly you’re sure you’d be stuck to him even if he let go. Your face is pressed into his sternum, his scent consuming you with a sharp inhale. Fuck, you would never get tired of this.

December 30 was quiet– the calm before the storm. You were glued to the couch, Daniel’s hip attached to yours, while you watched movie after movie. In the first hour your legs were on top of his, then you switched the next hour. After the second movie, you were tucked into his side while his fingers twirled a lock of your hair. Round and round, a semblance to the way your mind circled him. Your thoughts ran in circles around Daniel, about what it would be like to be able to live that reality for longer than the week you were spending with him. You allowed yourself to imagine more Friday’s spent lazily with him.

Daniel looked down at you as the credits rolled. “Thanks for coming out. I haven’t said it, and I should’ve the moment you landed.”

You hummed, leaning into him further. He tightened his hold on you, it made you feel safe. “Anything for you.”

Truly, anything for him. You would do it all, all Daniel had to do was ask.

You woke up later than normal on the last day of the year. You laid in the guest bedroom of Daniel’s Monaco apartment, alone, tangled in sheets that regrettably smell just like him. The sound of glass clinking and heavy footsteps moving about the space travels into your room, muffled by the shut door. And as easily as you fall into a state of bliss at the sound, your mind rolls in daydreams about what it would be like to wake up to it over and over and over again. You were losing yourself, you knew that, but there was nothing stopping you from doing so. You free fall into the imagination of domesticity with Daniel and how easy and good it would all be.

Three soft taps. Are you up?

“Yeah, come in.” You sit up in bed, doing your best to comb down your bed head with the palm of your hands. Daniel poked his head through first before his body followed. You watched quietly as he made his way around the room, rolling into bed right next to you. He laid his head down against the pillow and you fought the urge to lay with him. Instead, you lean against the plush headboard and stare down at him.

“Happy New Year's Eve,” His voice is hoarse, thick with sleep. Surely he’d just woken up.

You rubbed your eyes, smiled all the while. “Happy New Year's Eve.”

He turned over, smiling into the fabric of his pillow case as he threw his arm over your thighs. Like it’s normal, like he’d done it before. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to get breakfast, but I think I could use another hour of sleep.”

Your fingers twirled his curls, round and round, as you nodded. “Sleep then.”

“Wake me in an hour? Then I promise we can go get breakfast.”

“One hour. Gotcha.”

Your fingers grazed his scalp, massaged his head of curls as he quickly fell back asleep. His body was limp next to yours, hot breath beating down on your skin.

True to your words, you shook him awake an hour after he fell asleep. It’s been an hour. He groaned softly, arm tightening around your legs and pulling himself against the soft skin of your flesh. Five more minutes. You didn’t have it in you to pry, so you let him fall back asleep. Soft snores fill the space of the guest bedroom, and you sit there for another five minutes. You shook him once more, but he was a goner, lost in a deep sleep and dreams you could only wish to know.

Slowly, gently, reluctantly, you pulled yourself from Daniel’s hold. You padded your way through his apartment, getting yourself acquainted with where things belong, in search of breakfast because while Daniel was too tired to care, you were hungry and needed food sooner rather than later.

You cooked an omelet, made use of the last of his eggs and the veggies that were in his fridge. You could do without bacon for now– well you had to because he didn’t have it. You allowed the soft sizzle in the pan to lull your nerves to a sort of calmness you haven’t had since being here with Daniel. You tried to find a bit of clarity for yourself as you made breakfast. And right when you think you’re okay, that the daydreams and the yearning mean nothing, he’s in the room with you.

He hadn’t said a word yet, but you knew the sound of his feet shuffling. He leaned up against the counter, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand before watching you expertly flip the cooked egg over. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I promised you breakfast.”

You shook your head, taking a quick glance up at him with a smile. “That’s okay, Danny. Want one?”

He nodded, moving around you as he reached for the cupboard above your head. The kitchen was large, spacious, so clearly put together for a bachelor who didn’t spend too much time there. But despite the space, you found yourself bumping into Daniel, feeling the way his fingers trailed along your back as he moved behind you. You moved in sync, bumping into each other was just part of the dance. That’s what it felt like with him, a dance to music only the two of you seem to hear. It was always a dance, of pushing and pulling, going round and round until your head spun. It was beautiful. It was good.

You didn’t get ready until much later. The sun had just begun to touch the ocean, painting the sky shades of orange. You watched from the guest room, legs crossed while your make-up laid sprawled out on the bed. And while you swiped brush after brush, a pat of a sponge here and there, you grew to envy the ocean. How lucky it is to be kissed, to be loved so badly that the sun returns to it every day. You yearned for the same, to have such warmth sink beneath you and make you feel whole. But most of all, you yearned for Daniel.

You felt a little ridiculous. You felt stupid, insecure, so goddamn undeserving of the way your heart ached for him. You felt crazed, your head was a mess of thoughts of curly hair and the comforting smell of rain after a drought. You felt ridiculous because Daniel seemed to consume you, and you aren’t even sure if you consumed him in the same way. That’s when the fear settled, the need to run in the opposite direction because my god, what were you doing here?

You had to stand from your spot on the bed, make up half done and not set, to pace the room. You tried to shake off the way every nerve ending fizzled with this… you couldn’t say it. You couldn’t admit it. Because how could you? Why should you?

Maybe you hadn’t fallen, maybe this was a misplaced infatuation. Give it a couple more days, maybe even a couple more weeks and he would be nothing more than your friend, nothing more than a person who made life a little easier. Nothing less, nothing more.

But the tears cloud your vision, your hands shook, bile was climbing up the length of your throat. You felt so fucking sick.

You sit back down in the bad, blowing out a breath through pursed lips. Inhale, exhale. Breathe in, breathe out. You flopped onto your back, tubes and compacts of make-up clattering against each other as the bed rippled your movement. Inhale, exhale. Breathe in, breathe out. It was fine, you were fine, everything was okay.

Right?

You aren’t sure how managed to finish getting ready, truth be told the last hour or so were a blur. But you were ready, buckled into the front seat of his McLaren 720s, trying to pace your heart with the heavy bass song playing through the speaker. Daniel was oblivious to your sudden mental turmoil, more than excited to see his friends and celebrate the end of one of the worst years of his life. He had expressed multiple times just how excited he was to let loose, to pretend like his reality isn't real, even if it was just for a couple of hours.

The club was bass heavy, so loud that you could hear it as Daniel’s car slowed to a stop. Valet opened the door for you, stuck his hand out to help you exit the rather low sports car. Daniel grabbed the ticket before resting his hand on the small of your back and led you into the club.

It was packed, filled to the brim with people who were probably so drunk they wouldn’t make it to midnight. You followed the bouncer’s lead, along the perimeter of the club and into the section behind the DJ booth. You recognized a few faces, some who were in the garage with you, others who drove the car. You were introduced, reintroduced, Daniel shouted your name over the blaring music. This is my best friend!

Best friend. Best friend. Best friend.

You smiled, tight lipped and polite, even though the panic had begun to return. You shouldn’t be there, you shouldn’t have come. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You needed a drink.

You needed several drinks– and several were served to you. Vodka this, vodka that. Oh a round of shots, why not? You had begun to lose yourself to the booze and the music, the nerves and the panic long forgotten. All that mattered was that you were moving along to the bass and that you felt good. You couldn’t feel the way your toes screamed in pain, begging you to sit down, even for a second.

You only stopped because you had taken another shot and the world suddenly tilted to the left. Daniel met you on the sofa, arm resting on the back of it as he leant down to talk into your ear. “Slow down Poppy, we still got an hour til midnight!”

You looked up at him with wide eyes, leaning into him because god you just needed to feel him. His hand fell onto your shoulder, holding you firmly. His lips mouthed something. Water? It must’ve been. You nodded, throat suddenly dry. You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth in a feeble attempt to get rid of the cottonmouth. Daniel handed you a glass, and you sipped. You sipped until the ground leveled and your mind didn’t spin in circles. Sipped on the glass until Lando pushed it out of your hands and replaced it with a flute of champagne. Ten minutes! Fuck had that much time pass you by already?

Slender fingers slipped onto your waist as you stood from the couch, the pads of his digits pressing firmly into your flesh. You felt secure, safe. Your mind still teetered between sobriety and inebriety, but you knew you’d remember the following moments for the rest of your life.

Ten minutes turned into five, turned into one. And then you were counting down the seconds. The club was loud, the excitement building as you ticked closer to one. Daniel’s arm moved from your torso to hang over your shoulder. He pulled you into his side, squeezing tighter and tighter as he counted down. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Happy New Year! The crowd erupted into a mess of cheers, of heavy bass and the pop of streamers. Lights flickered, and you caught brief glances of hugs and kisses, of happy welcomes and excitement of what 2023 was meant to bring. And oh how you wished that it was you. That you were a person in the crowd being kissed, even if it was some cheesy cliche. You just wished it were you.

You made the mistake of looking up at Daniel, of letting curiosity get the best of you to see if he was seeing what you were. You wanted to know if he had the same desire written on his face as it was on yours. But instead, his gaze was already on you. Your cheeks burned, and you thanked the heavens that the lights distracted from the fact that you were blushed. Daniel smiled widely, removing his hand from your shoulder to rest on the side of your head. He pulled you into him, lips pressing into the soft skin of your temple. Once, twice. Then he craned his neck, pressed a kiss to your cheek before letting his lips hover over your ear.

“Happy New Year, Poppy.”

You smiled, turned your head again so you could selfishly look into his honey eyes again. And maybe you knew that in doing this, your face would only be mere centimeters apart. All it would take is a simple lunge, an accidental shove. So close, so fucking close. You silently wished that he would, that he’d give into the cliche and kiss you. Your brain was screaming, begging. Kiss me! Just fucking kiss me! But all he did was smile. Dimples imprint themselves into the soft skin of his cheeks, his gaze so soft you wanted to vomit. He looked at you in a way that made you dizzier than all the liquor you consumed that night. His hand comes up to cup your cheek, touch just ghosting your skin before planting firmly on the junction of your neck and jaw. Kiss me! Please kiss me! Won’t he do it?

You felt his fingers leave your cheek, creep to the back of your head and once again he’s pulling you in to kiss your forehead.

You sighed, spirit deflated, even as you shut your eyes and leaned into the kiss once more.

He cupped your cheeks again, both hands this time, squishing the soft flesh as he forced your gaze up at him. He couldn’t see the disappointment in your features, too distracted by the lights, the music, by everything else. He smiled. He always smiled. “I love you Poppy, I love you, I do!”

Your heart flipped, rattled your ribs, beat loudly in your fucking head. You bit back a smile even though all you wanted to do was grin. You scrunch your nose, feigned disgust even if you were elated. He loved you, he loved you he did.

You fell in love with Daniel in January.

Though, you’re sure that you had loved him for much longer. January was when you fully admitted it to yourself. No more denying, no more panic. Pure acceptance for the fact that you were in love with Daniel Ricciardo.

You left Monaco on the second, much to your dismay. If you had it your way, you would’ve stayed forever. But work had resumed and your boss only let you take off an extra day and nothing more. So Daniel drove you to the train station, dragged your luggage out of his car and walked you all the way to the gate. Your ticket was clenched tightly in your first as you looked up at him, a bit of wind blowing at the stray hairs that couldn’t be held back by the elastic. He reached out, tucked a hair behind your ear before resting his hand against your cheek. It was warm, reeked of generic hand sanitizer. You leaned into him, smiling even if your chest ached.

“Wish you could stay longer.” He muttered.

“Wish you would just come with,” You countered. With me, you wanted to emphasize but… the statement seemed too intimate. With me. Come with me, please.

He hummed, fingers hooking around the back of your neck to pull you into him. Your face collided with his chest in a soft thump, nose dug deep in the plush material of his t-shirt, just above his sternum. His hands readjust themselves around you, conforming to your frame against his body. Like a puzzle tab finding its perfect nook. He hugged you tightly, planted a kiss to the top of your head before flattening the hair in the same spot. You’d miss this, you thought to yourself, the few kisses given, the plethora of hugs exchanged, you were going to miss this. You were going to miss him.

You’re the first to step out of the embrace, blinking away tears that had just begun to blur your vision. You coughed an awkward laugh, smiled, tried about anything to hide how sad you really were in the moment. But Daniel saw right through you, clicked his tongue as he nudged your chin playfully.

“Don’t do that. Don’t cry.”

His words had the opposite effect, pushed the tears over the brim of your waterline. You tried to laugh it off, mock yourself and the ridiculous splay of emotions. You shook your head and swatted his hands away as he reached out to you again. “I’m fine, I'm fine. If you hug me again, I’m afraid I may just end up staying.”

Daniel’s reflexes were quick, right hand jolting forward to latch onto yours. He easily pulled you into him, quick enough so that you could catch the way his body rumbled with a chuckle beneath your touch. “I don’t see why that’s such a bad thing.” You indulged, melted right back into him, inhaled the sweet sweet smell of his cologne, committed every node to memory.

You wondered what the travelers walking to and fro, squeezing past you without an ounce of politeness, were thinking of the two of you. Could they see it? Could they feel it? Or were you just two losers standing in a train station delaying a needed goodbye?

Daniel pressed a gentle kiss against your cheek, soft lips catching you by surprise. His head dipped into your neck, arms squeezing you tightly. “I’ll miss you my little wildflower.”

You grinned, stifled a little laughter at the cheesy nickname as you inhaled deeply, “You’re getting really good at this nickname thing,” You teased, fingers coming up to play with the short hairs on the nape of his neck. “I like Poppy more.”

His body vibrated in a quiet chuckled, nodding against your shoulder. Noted.

You pulled away again, eyes flickering to the clock for a brief moment before your fingers latched onto the handle of your luggage. Daniel sighed, tilted his head in a sad smile. You caught the way he flexed his fingers at the release of your own, rings glinting in the light.

“So… goodbye?” You shrugged and he grinned, “See you soon?” You bit back a smile, “Arrivederci?”

You giggled, nodding your head, “See you in London.”

His lips part, a playful and breathy ah falling from his mouth as he nodded. London, London, London he says softly. “I’ll see you there Poppy.”

You had a multitude of responsibilities waiting for you in London, your boss made that perfectly clear with the two lengthy emails sent to your inbox as you sat on the train. There were unfulfilled plans with friends, a declutter day penciled in for the following Friday, and dinner with your parents. You had a million and one things that needed your attention, and for whatever reason, the five or so hours of travels back home, you spent in thought of Daniel.

His kiss, his touch, his everything was stamped onto you, it was as if it were all happening in that moment. It made you miss him even more, made your heart ache as you continued to move further and further from him. In the bits of sleep you found in your travels, your mind was consumed by him. Always him. You imagined that this was love, it was the only logical explanation. And so on the plane, while watching your flight path on the screen ahead of you, quietly and honestly, you admitted to yourself that this was love. You were in love.

And you were terrified.

London greeted you coldly, the wind biting at your cheeks as you lugged your luggage from the Uber to the warm lobby of your complex. The doorman greeted you with a smile, wished you a happy new year as you passed him by. Exhaustion had you by the talons, gripped at your body and spirit and forced you into bed. You crawled underneath your covers, pulled a pillow to your chest as you let sleep take over you. And in your slumber, as you drowned in the fantasy of Daniel and all the what ifs, you miss his call. You missed the first, the second, the third, and then finally the soft ping of his text tone.

Daniel 8:53 PM Are you awake? Please say you’re awake.

And another.

Daniel 8:55 PM You should’ve stayed. I wish you stayed.

Daniel flew into London from New York in February. After he had fulfilled every press, interview, tiktok, whatever kind of obligation being a third driver entailed– he hopped on a plane and flew straight to you.

What was meant to be a surprise turned out to be spoiled by his slight recklessness. He accidentally sent his pinned location to you instead of his friend, and in turn showed you that he was standing in the middle of Heathrow Airport. Then half an hour later, with excited text after text sent and a frenzied cleaning of your apartment, he was at your door and you were jumping into his arms. He laughed, walked you back into your home with one hand wrapped around your torso to keep your feet off the ground, and the other dragging his suitcase.

You’re here you mumbled into his hoodie, arms squeezing tight.

I’m here.

Being with Daniel at home felt good. It felt normal. It felt right. And the longer he stayed, the longer you watched him fit himself in your life, the harder you fell. There was a small part of you that wished he didn’t mold into your routines so well, that a bit of awkwardness had struck and maybe even cured you of this hopeless feeling that clenched your heart so tightly. You wished that his place in your life didn’t make sense but it did. Daniel sitting across from you for breakfast, nursing a second bowl of cereal made sense. His fingers looping your hair messily through a scrunchie while you cooked dinner made sense. The smell of fresh rain imprinted in every corner of your home just made sense.

Daniel, walking into your room and sliding into bed next to you while you read a book, made the most sense. You didn’t flinch at the dip in the bed, or the way his shoulder leaned onto you, or the smell of his shampoo in his damp hair. Ignoring your sporadic heartbeat was a challenge, but being here with him was easy. You hummed in acknowledgement, resting your head on his shoulder as you finished out the chapter. You see the glow of his phone screen, the flicker in color as he taps through stories and posts, leaving them all on mute as a courtesy to you. You flipped through a couple more pages before tucking your bookmark in and shutting it. The book falls on your night stand with a soft thud, discarded and forgotten as you turn your attention to Daniel.

“So I was thinking,” He mused, tapping something on his phone before setting it on his lap, “I leave in three days, so I think it’s only right we have a real sleepover.”

Your heart did flips. Back flips, cartwheels, a double back handspring with spin and perfect landing. Danced its way all the way to the top of your throat, supported by the nerves and the intent of his proposal. “You tired of the couch?” You teased, stabbing your index finger into his bicep playfully. He chuckled.

“Only a little. But I’ll gladly sleep on the floor if you’re too chicken to share a bed.”

You swung your pillow over at him, smacking him in the chest. Shut up, you stuttered, sinking deeper into your bed. You try not to let his loud laughter tinge your cheeks red, to make the tips of your ears heat up as you silently wish the world swallowed you whole. You were being dramatic, maybe. He was teasing, of course you knew he was. But fuck the accusation could not be any truer. You were fucking terrified of sharing a bed with Daniel, how it would blur another line of your friendship, confuse you further, and in turn making saying goodbye in three days time infinitely harder. But you were a little dumbstruck when it came to your affections for Daniel, a little self-indulgent and allowed your little heart to take the reins of all your decision making.

So that's how you end up lying dangerously close to the edge of your bed, watching as Daniel moved your pillows around to make a little more room for himself. Daniel. Making room for himself. In your bed.

You were gonna be sick.

He didn’t take too long to settle into his side, pulling on the duvet over his abdomen. Pillows had been thrown to the floor, stuffed animals perched nicely on your desk after you so kindly asked him to. The mattress was bare between the two of you– no pillow wall or some imaginary line established. No claims to a side, or a little jab to remind the other to stay on their side of the bed. Just the plain sheet and a bit of space rests between you.

Daniel clicked the lamp on his side of the bed off, darkness engulfing the space immediately. It took a minute or two for your eyes to adjust to the dark, to finally be able to trace the silhouette of Daniel’s features against the streetlight bleeding through your curtains. You trace the curls resting on his forehead, the bump on the bridge of his nose, down to the curve or each lip, and the point of his chin.

“You’re staring,” He muttered.

“No I’m not.” Yes, you were.

He didn’t comment, just turned onto his side so that he could look at you. Daniel tucked his hand underneath his pillow, pulling it flush against the juncture of his neck and shoulder. The space between you was gaping, large and awkward, begging to be occupied by the warmth of a body– maybe yours. He noticed, pulled the covers down before patting the cream sheet softly.

“I’m not gonna bite Poppy.”

You scrunch your nose, reaching out to poke him with your index finger. “How can I be sure?”

A single poke, pushing the tip of his nose inward before he juts his chin upward, catching your index finger between his teeth.

“You can’t.”

You turned your face into the pillow as you flexed your hand open, using the force of your other four fingers to push against his face. His laughter rumbled against your palm, lips wet and leaving a stamp of him in the middle of your hand. You feel his slender fingers come up around your wrist to pull your hand away and push it back into your chest. The warmth that emitted from his skin stayed with you, molded into your skin lest you forget how Daniel felt against you.

You didn’t budge from your position on the bed, and neither did he. Two people with an unreasonable amount of space between them– it was almost laughable. You wondered if he was as scared as you were to cross this line drawn in the sand. You wondered if he was afraid he’d get addicted to holding you, that he might never want to leave. Because you were afraid. You were afraid of losing yourself to a man you had no claim over, and falling so deep into him that you’d never find a way out. So you kept the bit of space, forced a bit of restraint on your heart that seemed to be reaching out to him.

Sometime between hushed whispers and the soft sounds of sheets rubbing together as you adjusted and readjusted yourself in your place, you fell asleep. You dreamt of the rain, the way it kissed your skin, kissed the Earth and all that is in it. You dreamt of a garden filled with poppies, of bright colored petals that poked out of the grass. You dreamt of familiar smiles, the sound of laughter. God, you dreamt of happiness.

The sun seeps through your curtains, golden light flooding the room. It shines the brightest between the curtains, peeking through to pull you from your slumber. You groan softly, burying your face deeper into warm skin, pulling the duvet over your shoulder. Toned arms shift around you, hold you tighter before mumbling incoherencies and drifting back to sleep.

Without the cologne, Daniel smells like citrus scented soap. Bright, sweet, stuck to his skin even after tossing and turning all night. You almost envy the way he never seems to smell bad, how beautiful smells like peeled oranges or rained-on flowers stick to him. You envy the way he snores softly, clutching on to sleep better than you ever could. Because now you’re awake, mind racing against your heart as you wrap your head around how you laid: tangled up with Daniel.

You lay stiff, terrified out of your fucking mind as Daniel holds on to you for dear life. He’s so warm. The kind of warmth that compared to the sun beating down on your skin on a cool spring day. The kind that relieves you of goosebumps, of chilly fingertips and the feeling that the tip of your nose might just fall off. Daniel was like the sun in a lot of ways, you conclude.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to force yourself to return back to your dreams. But it burns where your skin meets Daniel’s– hot, sticky, melting together. You can feel the dips of his muscles against you, the firmness to them even if he held you so softly. His arm lays over your torso, curled in towards you to keep you close to him, while his chin rests on the top of your head. Your face is positioned between his collarbones, tip of your nose just ghosting the supple skin there. You try to turn your head, find a place in which you didn’t drown in him, but no matter where you turned, you were comfortably stuck to him.

Daniel groans above you as you try to turn your head again, squeezing you tighter. “You move too much in your sleep.” Sleep weighs down on his voice, makes it heavy and gravely, rough with exhaustion. You smile, humming as you stuff your face back into his chest.

“Sorry.”

He hums, “Morning.”

“Morning.”

You lay with Daniel quietly, stuck in the position you woke up in. No one moves, no one speaks, just enjoying the soft lull of steady breathing and the world starting its day without the two of you. Cars pass by your street and birds converse outside your window– you imagine they were talking about the sun. You lay wrapped in Daniel until he shifts, pulling his arm from your torso to rub his sleep-riddled face. You look up, chin resting in the middle of his chest. You watch his lips stretch into a yawn, the way his index finger and thumb come up to wipe the tears that brim at his eyes. And then he cranes his neck, points his chin downwards so that he can catch a glimpse of you.

And he smiles.

“Told you I don’t bite.”

Daniel leaves in three days. He reminds you over breakfast, biting into a piece of toast like it isn’t a big deal. Three days left of this, of breakfast in the mornings and his face before bed. You smile sadly into your oatmeal, mixing the fruit around the slurry before spooning it into your mouth. Silverware clatters against porcelain, it echoes against the walls of your home. It makes your heart miss him before he’s even gone.

The days blend into the other, no memory seemed to have a cut off. Daniel’s last three days with you were a lump sum of memories, colliding, meshing into each other, dependent on the hours before so that the now made sense. And in every moment, all the laughter and smiles, the almost-touches and almost-kisses, the larger the space in your heart grew for Daniel. Your mind let you wander treacherously through the what-ifs, the maybes, and the could bes. What if we. Maybe we. We could be. We, we, we.

The night before his flight, you took him to a work thing. That’s how you described it as you helped him pick between two polos. You point at the striped one before flopping onto bed. “It’s just this weird game night. It’s supposed to boost morale, help us bond. It’s been a rough couple months in the office so this is corporate’s way of building– well, rebuilding the peace.”

Daniel nods, pulling off his shirt before shrugging on the navy striped button up over his shoulders. “So what is it… like poker? Black Jack maybe?”

You ignore the way his abdomen flexes as he readjust the shirt, the buttons still undone and swaying with his movement. “Maybe. I dunno, I heard someone from accounting was gonna bring scrabble.”

He laughs like you were joking. But low and behold, as he walked into the pub behind you, three people were already seated at a table elbow deep in a game of scrabble. Tiles scattered the board as two of the three players argued about the validity of the word. Cards were thrown around, smacked on the table to show off a good hand. Poker chips clatter as they’re pushed across the tables, and littered in all that mess is booze being bought left and right. Between the bustling of bodies and the sweet buzz of conversation, you can just hear the bass of some EDM mix playing on the loudspeaker.

You and Daniel make your way to the bar, immediately greeted by the people who work in your department. They smile up at Daniel, wide-eyed as they shoved you playfully. You didn’t tell me you were friends with the Daniel Ricciardo! You mouth a quick I’m sorry as phones are thrusted in his direction– all of which he takes gracefully, taking selfie after selfie. And after maybe the tenth one, you reach into the crowd of people, gripping his wrist tightly as you pull him to you.

“Alright guys, he’s meant to be on break, leave him alone now.” You wave your hand in the air, shooing away coworkers who just grin and nod, a sea of thank yous sent his way his wrist slips from your grasp to offer them a wave. Daniel grabs the beer set out for the two of you, before slinging his arm over your shoulder and pulling you to a table top in the far end of the bar. He sets the beers down before pulling your chair out for you, hand out for you to boost yourself up onto the lifted chair– a hand you gladly take.

Daniel sits to your left, fingers snaked around the neck of the amber bottle as he brings it up to his lips to take a sip. You watch quietly, spinning the bottle between your index finger and your thumb, eyes fixated on the way his adam's apple bobs up and down as gulps his beer. He doesn't seem to notice– or maybe he just doesn't care. Instead he leans in towards you, eyes fixated on the crowd ahead of him, the hands reaching over tables and the soft slaps of cards being shuffled. “So, what do you think, Uno or Cards Against Humanity?”

You click your tongue against the roof of your mouth, sucking in a gust of air between your teeth. “I don't know, as appealing as playing Cards Against Humanity with my coworkers and in turn finding out a little too much about their personal life is, I think Uno might just be our safest option.”

Daniel laughs at your sarcasm. Nodding as he slides out from the table, hand out for you to take. C’mon then, he hums as he encloses your fingers in the warm grip of his hands, tugging you between tables and passer-bys, plopping down at a table of five. You recognize one other person at the table, the dealer, who smiles at you as she deals you and Daniel in. It was meant to start as a friendly little game, with lighthearted laughter and maybe a bit of peaking over at the other’s cards. But between the third and fourth deal, people had begun to throw quid on the table, then all of a sudden you’re down twenty and Daniel was happily collecting the bills on his end. You scowl over at him, nudging his leg with the toe of your shoe.

“You don’t need all this money.”

“Not my fault you suck.” He puckers his lips, sends a kiss over to you in the space between you two.

“Bite me,” You sneer, picking up your new set of seven cards, organizing them by color.

You catch a whiff of his cologne as he leans in. You pull your hand close to your chest, pressing the cards flush against your being as he lines his mouth up to your ear to whisper, “Careful what you wish for.”

Your cheeks flush, bright pink though no one at the table seems to catch it under the dim lighting of the pub. Another game, you’re sure you’ve got the upper hand this time around but then Daniel drops a skip… and then another… and then he stacks a draw two… twice. By the end of the game you had about half the deck of cards in your hands and Daniel counting about forty quid in his hands. You’re scowling again, and he laughs at your misfortune.

You excuse yourself from the table, running up to the bar to get yourself another beer. Stacy– you think her name is Stacy anyway– slides next to you, picking up a bit of conversation. It’s small talk, surface level shit until she’s asking about the boy you had been stuck to all night. She teases you, refers to him as the boy, it makes you feel giddy. To one person in this room, Daniel was your little secret. And it felt nice. It felt good. But you shook your head, the blush taking over your face again as you took the beer that was handed to you, mumbling how he’s just a friend. But Stacy– or is it Sarah? She smiles and shrugs, taking her cocktail as she hops off her bar stool, red straw placed between her coco colored lips to take a sip before stepping back.

“All I’m saying… friends don’t look at friends the way you two look at each other.”

She leaves you at the bar with a sentence equivalent to fuel to a fire. It burns, oh it festers. Your mind reels over every moment, every second you’ve spent with Daniel, trying to figure out how he looked at you.

Your eyes scan over the crowd, the mess of chatter tuned out as you look for a mop of curls which you spot towards the front of the bar. He’s laughing– he’s always laughing. You might’ve been meters away, but you could hear him, the joyful ha has over the multitude of conversation. And for a moment, like every cliche written and produced, the room stops. Suddenly the crowd disappears, the music is turned down, and it’s just you and Daniel. The lamp over the table beams, reflects over his golden skin as he deals the cards down on the table. His fingers are quick, counting quietly to himself as he goes around the table. And when he’s done, he sets the left over cards down in the middle of the table in a neat stack. Before he picks up his set, he reaches over to your seat, pulls the cards together neatly and pats it down before picking up his own. You watch as his slender fingers pick at the cards– that one goes at the end, oh and this one between these two. He picks and pulls, slots cards by cards til he’s satisfied with his line up. Then he squeezes the cards into one stack, setting down on his thigh below the table.

His head turns, you see the soft swing of his curls as he looks around the bar. He looks and looks and oh, relief. Daniel’s shoulders drop when he catches sight of you, a smile so wide your cheeks ache for him. His hand goes up in the air, waving at you to return to your seat. Hurry! You aren’t sure if he actually said it, but you know his lips moved that way. He smiles, his eyes are warm and bright, this sultry kind of brown that you could distinguish from miles away. You miss it as he turns away to immerse himself in a conversation you didn’t care to know about. You smile, just enough so that your cheeks round a bit and your eyes squint in just the slightest. You smile in a way that a girl watches a boy she loves from across the way, watches as he melts into her life. And he melts so well, sits so comfortably without you as he awaits your return. He has his arm slung over your chair, nodding over at someone you could care less about. He laughs at jokes, makes some back, and– god you just couldn’t stop staring. You couldn’t stop watching him. Him, him, always him.

You walk back over to the table, setting a hand on Daniel’s shoulder as you lean down to him. His hand comes up to rest over yours, head turning ever so slightly so that he can see you. Your heart is in overdrive, your body overheating. You try to ignore it. You try, try, try.

“I’m gonna go get some air.”

“You okay?” His brows furrow with concern. You nod, and he doesn’t seem to relax. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Daniel. I’m fine. Just stuffy in here.”

“Well, let me come with.”

He goes to get up from his seat, but you push him back down. “No, no no I’ll be fine.” You smile– you think you do. “I’ll be back. Win this round so you can buy me a drink after.”

He looks unconvinced, eyes scanning your face for a morsel of doubt, for a twitch of lip that would beg him to accompany you. But you keep your expression fair, squeeze his shoulder again, and he concedes. He nods, patting your hand again. “Okay okay, deal.”

Your hand comes up to his cheek, and he leans into your touch as it slips away. He turns his head, watches you walk out the door while the game starts. You feel his eyes burning in a hole in the back of your skull and it only makes you walk quicker.

The cool London air blows the door open, bites at your skin and fights against the warmth pooling with the booze. You wrap your arms around yourself, rubbing your palms against your arm, squeezing the flesh there. Your eyes fall shut, inhaling deeply as you try to center yourself, trying to get ahold of your heart, trying to get it to slow down. Tears were threatening you, choking you.

You didn’t want to say bye. You don’t want all this to end, to have Daniel pluck himself out of your company and back to his normal routines. You don’t want to go back to the facetime calls, and debriefs over texts. No you want to smell the rain, you want the cheeky laughter and fighting over who gets the rest of the cereal. You want late night drives to Taco Bell, and early mornings to get coffee because you were too lazy to run your own. But most of all, you want Daniel. You want the good, the bad, all the highs and all the lows. You want every single moment between now and an indefinite future.

And you felt crazy for wanting such a thing.

You hear the door creak behind you, a bit of the conversation escaping with him before he shuts the door with a soft thud.

“Hey, come back inside. You’re missing out on the game.” Daniel bumps his shoulder with yours, a smile so wide it drives fear into your chest. You look up at him, take all the strength left in you to smile– and you hope that you do it well. His smile, bright, excited, so reminiscent of the Daniel you bumped into some time ago. He’s tanned, hair curly, muscles bulky, he’s back to who he was before a string of bad luck wore him down. He was this new Daniel that you had fallen so head over heels for, and it hurt your heart not to say it.

The words sit in your throat, run it dry and make it hard to breathe. You were getting all choked up with a secret you couldn’t bear to keep.

He bumps your shoulder again, “What? Are you scared to lose again?”

God you were so afraid to lose. But maybe you had already lost more than you could ever admit to yourself.

Daniel says your name.

“I’m in love with you.”

You had a dream about this moment. It happened in the rain, colorful poppies potted in a flowerbed by a house, and oh how the world smelled divine. You could still hear the laughter, still see the smile that graced his face. You dreamt about the way he would wrap himself around you, allow you to bury yourself in his warmth and the scent of fresh fallen rain. In every universe, you imagined the way the words would sound coming from his mouth. You imagined the simplicity, the good in the moment.

But then you see his face run pale, lips parted without the words to back him up. You see how he scratches the back of his neck before it comes around to rub his stubble. And then his fingers are running through his hair. He takes a step back, and there’s this space between you that wasn’t there before. Your name rolls off his tongue, sounds so despondent it twists your heart. It sounds so…

“I-I-I-” You stammer like it would mend the situation, “I’m sorry but… I couldn’t keep it in. Couldn’t continue to pretend like my heart didn’t wanna beat out of my chest everytime I see you, so I just had to– I had to say it.”

You see his chest begin to rise with each breath he takes. It’s slow, but deep. His eyes are wide, they’re panicked, they look so fucking afraid.

“Daniel I–” “What are you doing?” Your lips fall shut. What are you doing? You bite down on your bottom lip, palms pressed together as you rub them in front of you to distract from the tears that were already beginning to cloud your vision. Daniel lets out a breath, hands coming up to run through his hair– again. “Why… why would you say that?” His hands rub his beard, again. “Fuck, Poppy why would you say that?”

The air is caught in your throat. The words on your tongue melt away, daydreams dissolve. You were left with your skin and a heart that continues to shatter because Daniel stares at you like you’ve done something wrong. And all you could, all you had the strength to do, is smile. You smile because that’s all you had left to give. A smile that made your lips quiver, cheeks tremble and wet with your sadness. You don’t know what else to do, so you smile.

“I just needed you to know.”

Daniel drops his face into his hands, shaking his head into his palms. You watch him, watch as he mumbles to himself. You watch in tears, your shattered heart at your feet as you wait for the change in tone, wait for a moment you’ll never live to see. He lifts his gaze back up to you, the panic gone and replaced this kind of pity that makes you wish you never said it in the first place.

He says your name with a bit of remorse, and yet it still sounds beautiful. “I… I can’t. Poppy I’m sorry.”

You let out a breath. It’s your turn to turn away, hands coming up to push your hair back as you tried to control the sobs that threatened to take over you. Another shaky breath, another drop of tears onto your cheeks. You couldn’t let him see you so broken, you can’t let him have that. No, you refused.

“Poppy–” “Daniel, please.” “Poppy you mean so much–”

“Daniel,” You turn around, hand out to motion him to stop, “Please don’t. Please.”

“You are the greatest friend–” He continues anyway, torturing you with the right thing to say– the most reasonable thing to say, “–I could ever ask for. You don’t know how much I appreciate that. How much I–”

“I don’t want that Daniel I–” “–How much I appreciate you.”

He reaches out for you. You should’ve pushed him away, you should’ve stepped back, but god you are so weak for him. So you bask in the warmth of his hand, the way he squeezes it like he was trying to stitch back that hole he left in your chest. You let yourself rest in the false sense of security for just a second. You stare at the point your skin touches, the way his skin contrasts yours, fingers holding onto yours so tightly. It’s warm. It’s good.

It’s good for all of two seconds, and then you’re crying and pulling yourself from him again. You wipe your face with the back of your hand, shaking your head and smiling. Daniel says your name, desperate to get to you again. But you shake your head, take another step back.

“You don’t know how much you mean to me.” His voice is a whisper, nearly overpowered by the gust of cold wind. “Poppy–”

“Daniel, it’s okay.” Your voice breaks because it’s not. But you pretend that it is to save face, to pretend that you can walk away from this moment with your head held high.

He calls your name again, craning his neck so that he can meet your gaze, and you try to avoid it but he comes into view. His hand comes up, chin tucked in his index finger and thumb to lift your face. “But it's not. I can see it on your face.”

“But it has to be, right?”

You clamp your lips into a tight line, tugging your face out of his hold. It’s quiet, tense, and you’re so fucking miserable. For the first time, there’s a sense of dread. In the months you’ve grown to know Daniel, to fall in love with him, in the time that brought you to this moment– you now feel that dread. It sits heavy in your chest, squeezing your heart so tight you think it might pop. If someone had asked you all those months ago if you could picture walking away from Daniel, your answer would be a resounding no. You could never picture yourself doing it– and even if you could, you could always picture running straight back to him.

But now, now you’re forced to reckon with the reality that you have to walk away and never look back. That if you want to hold on to the very little dignity you have left, you should say your goodbyes and walk away. But where was the good in this goodbye? It was just a promise that this is the end, that the next time you see him would not be of your intention. You would have to accept that the only good in this farewell is that it’s permanent.

So in February you walked away with your heart in your hands and a gaping hole in your chest shaped like Daniel. You walked yourself to the underground railway and sobbed because it was the only thing left for you to do. You clutched onto your chest because it hurt so fucking bad.

Daniel collected his items from your apartment the next day while you cried in your bedroom. He knocked on your door, twisted the knob only to find that it’s locked. He said he’s sorry through the door, he said it over and over you had to pull the pillow over your head.

I don’t deserve you Poppy, his voice is muffled but so fucking clear at the same time, I’m sorry Poppy. I… I’ll see you soon.

And then it was over. Daniel was gone– easily, tragically, and all at once. All the memories that mesh together melted into your sadness. It kept you in bed with the blinds drawn shut. Darkness and despair always paired well together.

Your phone pings, the screen lights up and illuminates the bedroom. But you don’t have the heart to look, because you know who it is. You could see his contact photo, you can see the letters spell out his name. So instead you bury yourself deeper into the pillows and blankets, bury yourself deeper into your hopelessness. For just a moment, you wanted to forget that he existed, that he was every part of your life, that you ever poured your heart to him thinking for a second that he would feel the same way.

Daniel 4:33 PM Please don’t forget about me

You’ll never forget him and everything he was to you. Never.

February blends into March. March into April. April to May, June, July. And suddenly it’s August again.

You lay on the beach in Mykonos, nursing another strawberry margarita. You love strawberry margaritas. But this time around, you stay away from the bustling movements of the bar, instead choosing to lounge by the pool in hopes to catch a tan. After all, what was summer for?

You try to ignore the obvious, what the Mykonos was to you a year prior. The memories it gave the person it brought to you. The laughter. The ease. The smell of fresh fallen rain. All the good in Daniel clung onto you and you clung right back. A year ago you met someone who changed your worldview, caught a glimpse of your soul, before shattering your being. He was the best and worst thing that could’ve possibly happened to you.

August… August and all the months that followed slipped away in a moment in time. It fell to the back of your mind, laid to rest so that you’d find a bit of peace. You hope Daniel is well, wherever he is in the world. You hope that he hasn’t forgotten about you, like how you haven’t forgotten him.

Another sip of your strawberry margarita, drinking down the remnants of slush in the glass before setting it down and laying it back. And the sun disappeared, a shadow took its place. But you were warm, you were comforted, you felt at peace. You felt good. So you smile, hand coming up to block the bits of sunlight that peek behind him. You catch a glimpse of messy curls and a smile so wide you’re sure it hurts.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

d rambles. . . hey girl hey. i haven't put out a fic in fucking ages, sorry bout that. but yay, new blog, new fic!! this turned into a MONSTER, but i think im happy with how it all came together. was the ending a little rushed? maybe. but in my defense, this whole fic turned out soooo much longer than i initially planned. anyways. i hope you liked this one & as always, feedback is always always appreciated.

#daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo one shot #f1 one shot #f1 imagine #daniel ricciardo angst

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suashii · 5 months

Text

— 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 ౨ৎ

bakugo katsuki x reader. 1k wc. ﾉ sfw ﾉ fluff ﾉ just a short lil somethin' for the birthday boy!

“i can’t believe you’re choosing to work on your birthday.” the sun is just beginning to rise, its rays spilling past your sheer curtains. you haven’t left the warm comfort of your bed yet, but bakugo is busy getting ready for the day ahead. the weather is getting warmer which means he’s traded out his winter costume for his usual sleeveless tank. you prefer it over the jacket he wears during the cold months—being able to see his arms, that is. the effort he puts into his workouts doesn’t go unnoticed. “who does that?”

he’s putting his belt on now, ruby irises focused on the task at hand rather than you. still, he offers an explanation to your curiosity. “it’s just another day on the calendar.”

“nuh-uh.” you shake your head and sit up. leave it to katsuki to downplay his birthday. “it’s another rotation around the sun—another year of life! you of all people should be celebrating that.”

bakugo has never placed much importance on his birthday, not as a child and certainly not as a teenager, so he doesn’t see the point in changing that now. he isn’t much of the celebrating type either, at least, not when it comes to himself. he’s content living this day just like any other and he tells you as much.

“i’m just saying,” you shrug, “the world can go one day without dynamight.”

you’re adamant about making your point and such unwavering persistence from anyone else would annoy bakugo beyond belief, but since it's you, he decided to let it slide. he’s even willing to entertain you—it’s clear that you’re skirting around what you really want to say. “and what would you suggest i do with my day instead of spending it at work?”

you smile. “i’m glad you asked. the most obvious answer is get back in bed and go back to sleep.”

“that’s what weekends are for,” he argues. you huff at how easily he dismisses you and cross your arms as you watch him continue getting dressed for the day. the thought would have been enough to seal the deal for you but you suppose bakugo will need something a little sweeter to convince him to take it easy for a day.

“um, you could do something with kirishima and denki?” he may try to deny it, but he likes his friends more than he lets on. even if it’s later, you’re sure they wouldn’t mind stopping by and taking him out to have some fun. “it’s been a while since all of you have hung out.”

he frowns, picking up all of the equipment he’d rather not put on until he makes it to his agency. “no thanks. i don’t need those guys making an even bigger deal out of me than they usually do.”

you’re about to ask what’s so wrong with being the center of attention on his birthday when you realize he’s on his way out of the bedroom. “woah, wait! where are you going?”

“to make my lunch,” he tells you over his shoulder.

you hadn't planned on getting out of bed so soon but you find yourself scrambling to throw the blanket aside so that you can follow him to the kitchen. the man’s gauntlets and neck brace make a home on the dining table while bakugo picks out everything he needs from the fridge. it’s chilly—a combination of leaving your duvet and the cold air from the appliance. you cling to bakugo’s back, arms tightening around his waist in an attempt to leech off of his warmth.

he navigates the kitchen with you hanging off of him, not once bothering to complain or try to pry you off. the lack of resistance on his end allows you time to think up another reason he should forgo his duties for the day.

“ooh! you could go to the spa!” you’re sure this should do the trick. what’s better than taking some time to rest and loosen your muscles? “i’m sure a massage would do you some good.”

he shoots you a quick glance and you already know his reply before it even passes his lips. “do i look like someone who goes to spas?”

you press your forehead against his back and groan into his shirt. the vibrations must tickle because he squirms beneath you. there’s no winning with him, it seems.

“fine,” you sigh, turning your head so that your cheek rests against him. “i accept defeat. i’ll celebrate your birthday by myself… all alone… without you.”

you can’t see it, but a crease forms between bakugo’s eyebrows as he shapes the rice balls into neat triangles. “what are you talking about?”

“it’s nothing,” you tell him with a small pinch to his abdomen. “i just thought you’d be more excited to celebrate. i was, anyway.”

that’s it—that’s what you’ve been trying to get at since you started pestering him half an hour ago. it’s unlike you to dance around your words and he wonders if you did so because you thought he’d turn you down, thought that he’d choose work over you.

bakugo turns around in your hold so he’s facing you. your head is tipped up to meet his gaze. he leans down to press his lips against your hairline and lets them linger there with his next words. “if you wanted to spend the day with me, you should have just said so, dummy.”

you pout at the name but it doesn’t last for long and is quickly replaced with a smile. “you caught me. but i promise i’ll make it worth your while.”

“you better.” his hands make a home on your waist, gently, lovingly squeezing them. “because if you had told me that to begin with, i wouldn’t have wasted precious time getting ready for work.”

thanks for reading! pls consider reblogging if you enjoyed :3

#₊˚ପ⊹ signed: my hero academia #bakugo x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bakugo fluff #mha fluff #bakugo drabble #mha drabbles

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dulcibella-dreams · 7 months

Text

Tempest.

ﾟ ⋆ ﾟ⛆ ﾟ ⋆ ﾟ⛈ Makoto Yuki/Minato Arisato X GN reader

Synopsis: The weather is absolutely dismal, and you missed the train.

You could barely see.

The rain peltered the floor, creating a suffocating veil of gloomy mist. All you could do was speed walk through the monochromatic canvas. Soaked to the bone, your hair clung like wet silk to your skin, and you were pretty sure you accidentally ate some of your own rain-soaked strands. The day had started relatively sunnily, so you had no good reason to bring an umbrella. Oh, how you wished you had.

Holding the straps of your schoolbag like a lifeline, you rushed to the monorail's stop. Under the awning, you took a moment of respite to breathe. Your bag hit the ground, and you wrung out your dripping curtain of hair. Realising the weather had made you late, you checked the arrival and departure times. You almost fell to the floor and threw a tantrum when you saw the next train wouldn’t arrive for another hour. You hugged your own body, vehemently plunking down onto the bench. As your teeth chattered and water filtered out of the sides of your shoes, you envied the people who had arrived on time—probably at home with heaters and dry clothes right about now.

Your dreary thoughts were interrupted by footsteps. Someone quickly stepped into the stop, sheltering something in their jacket. Makoto! You definitely hadn’t expected him. He hadn’t realised you were the shivering person just yet, finger combing his drenched hair. You watched as he pulled out his MP3 player from underneath his jacket, while the book that couldn't fit in his bag lay drenched under his arm. Priorities, you supposed. As he turned, his eyes met yours, and they lit up in recognition. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t see you,” he said. You waved it off as he sat down next to you. Moving in closer, you took the ink-stained workbook out of his hands, cringing at the ink blots on the pages. You closed it and put it in your own bag, having enough space. He gave you a silent look of gratitude.

“I didn’t see you when I left school, so I assumed you’d already gone,” you said sheepishly. You glanced at Makoto, who was adjusting his drenched hair. “If I’d known, I would’ve wanted to walk with you.” He turned toward you, a small smile playing on his lips. “We ended up together anyway, though. I suppose it worked out?”

Makoto carefully placed his MP3 player in his schoolbag. “When does the train come, anyways?” he asked. You almost groaned again. “in an hour...” you replied. He fiddled with his bangs, a soft sigh escaping him. He looked tired, but then again, he always did.

“If the rain settles down, we may as well walk…” he mused, though there seemed to be no sign of the weather calming. The sound of rain hitting the stop was almost deafening. “Unless we want to catch the meanest cold ever, I’d advise against it.” You’d rather sit here for hours than feel the rain seep into your scalp again. Makoto’s hair was even longer when wet. He was currently picking at the corner of his mouth, removing the hair that had found its way through his lips without invitation.

“Not like Mitsuru would let us skip school if we had a cold, anyways.” He mumbled.

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t she deem it ‘a danger to the student body’?” This made him laugh softly. It was a very gratifying sound, coming from a boy who usually remained expressionless. Though it warmed you up, it didn’t quite fix your waterlogged clothes. As the wind picked up, you heard the rumble of thunder. You were increasingly uneasy, watching the thin trees sway. You didn’t like storms. Suddenly, you felt the intense need to be indoors. You succeeded in suppressing your rising panic, though it didn’t go unnoticed.

“You alright?” Makoto tilted his head slightly, gauging you. You were going to shake your head and say ‘it’s fine,’ but something about his nature made it easy to open up. “I just…I really don’t like weather like this. It puts me on edge.”

Makoto looked at you for a quiet moment before reaching into his bag. Pulling out his music player, he offered his headphones to you. “…Do you want to listen with me?”

You sensed Makoto’s intention—to provide you with a distraction. It was…sweet. Absurdly so. It had been a while since someone had done something so considerate for you. Your cheeks felt warm. “Yeah, sure!” As the music played, you tried to lose yourself in its melody, separating each instrument from the beat. You started to feel less troubled.

But when your anxious mind coerced you to fix your gaze at the weather, his fingers found your face. Gently, he turned your gaze downward, and you watched as he took your hand in his. His touch radiated warmth, a stark contrast to your frozen skin. You reveled in his velvety hands, well-kept with strong, healthy nails. Makoto wasn’t accustomed to intimacy; his parents' passing had denied him such simple comforts. This had inevitably rendered him touch-starved. He understood that you sought solace in this connection— he enjoyed it just as much as you did, if not more.

After what seemed like a lifetime, the train finally arrived. As you both stood—muttering words like 'finally' and 'about time—he never released your hand. Looking into his eyes, that warm, fond feeling overtook you again.

"What would I do without you, Makoto?"

#makoto yuki x reader #minato arisato x reader #p3 protagonist x reader #persona 3 x reader #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #persona 3 portable

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imaginesheaven · 2 years

Text

Bar Owner!Reader x TF 141 - Part III

Like my follower requested: Finally the final part of the Bar Owner!Reader series. I hope you all like it. It was so fun to create it all for you. I listened to the 5 centimeters per second original sountrack the whole time writing this. I've got happy tears in my eyes :)

Warnings: Curse words (like always)

Captain John Price

John knows already for years that he is deeply in love with you yet he didn’t want to accept it. From day to day it gets harder to push the realization into the back of his mind. If you would feel the same you would have said something already. He assumes you are not looking for a relationship. Probably especially not with someone who is always away on missions. Someone who is always in danger to die very soon. Someone like John.

He takes another sip from his whiskey watching you how you serve your customers. It’s a warm evening and you all hang out in the garden behind your bar. You look so incredibly happy talking with everybody while Cougar trails after you like a lost puppy. Your joy radiates like a ray of sunshine. Behind you the sun is setting on the hills coloring you in a deep orange. It makes you even more breathtaking than you already are.

“I think you should tell (Y/N) what you feel”, Kate next to him says nonchalantly like she would talk about the amazing weather. “Am I that easy to look through?”, Price thought no one would know about his little secret. His ever-growing love for you.

“John, humor me for a second. I noticed how you look at (Y/N) when you think no one can see you. Don’t you think you let (Y/N) waiting long enough?”, Kate gives him an overly confident smile. “What do you know, Laswell?”, John tries not to sound too excited. His heart keeps hammering against his chest. Racing to catch up to you.

“I don’t want to give away too much, but if (Y/N) would have died the bar and Cougar would have been yours. Is that enough for you?”, Laswell lets him on your very own little secret. John stares at her in disbelief. The bar is everything you have ever loved in your life. Just like Cougar. You trust him so deeply knowing he would keep both safe and sound.

Price stands up from his chair making his way over to you. “Hey, John!”, your whole face lights up as you see him coming closer. He loves how you say his name. Your voice so full of kindness and love. It makes his knees weak.

He can’t stop himself anymore as he cups your face softly in his big hands. Surprised you look at him with a slight blush on your cheeks. “You have no idea how much I love you”, not waiting for your reaction John presses a soft kiss onto your lips.

Shocked you let go of the drinks, which splatter onto the grass. Doubts creep in John’s mind breaking away from you, but you stop them immediately as you wrap your arms around him pulling him into another kiss. “What took you so damn long?”, you lean your forehead against his.

Everyone starts to cheer loudly. Especially Kate. She is over the moon to see you happy once again. It brings the two of you back into reality. “I’m sorry for making you wait, love.”

It took John years to confess his love to you, but he makes sure to catch up all the things you two have missed. John tries literally everything to make all your dreams come true. Sometimes he forgets that he is the only thing you ever wanted in life.

He is so very thankful for the joy you bring him every single day he can be with you. You were all along his reason to come back safely from missions, but now John is allowed to drown in your love openly. You are his one and only. The ray of sunshine he needs to forget all the pain and misery he has been put through.

Even if you love to make fun of the fact he waited for years not realizing you feel the same all the time. John takes it with pride, “The best things in life take time, love.” Naming drinks that take longer to prepare after him.

Bonus

(Y/N): So, you set John up to confess finally?

Kate: Yes, it worked, right? But I might have lied to him about something…

(Y/N): Kate… What did you say?

Kate: … I might have told him that you would give him your bar and Cougar if you would have died.

(Y/N): … Well, that’s not that much of a lie. I totally would have, but I’m not that easy to kill.

Kate: Oh, come on. Don’t act like a superhero.

(Y/N): … I took out half of the Russian military, Kate. I am a fucking superhero.

Kate: … *rolls her eyes* Damn it. That’s true.

Soap: *witnessing everything* HALF OF THE RUSSIAN MILITARY?!?

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Simon keeps his love for you hidden away with the rest of his emotions. Everyone knows he has a soft spot for you, but not how much his heart yearns for you. He wants to share his life with you. He wants you to know the real Simon. The one behind the mask. He wants you to see how vulnerable he can be, because he knows you would never hurt him.

“Fucking hell”, Ghost mumbles under his breath slowly overwhelmed by his feelings and thoughts. “Hey, boys. Another round?”, you stand by the table giving everyone your best smile. Simon can’t believe how much he loves you. It almost physically hurts.

Without a word he stands up to leave the bar. The fresh air calms his racing mind, but he doesn’t even try to untangle those confusing thoughts. Every single one of them revolves around you like they always do. How long can he uphold this façade?

“Hey, you okay?”, you followed him outside pointing towards the garden chairs, “Wanna take a seat?” It’s actually too cold to sit outside yet he accepts your offer thankfully. In silence the two of you sit together. You look at the sky seeing a ton of stars this night. Ghost looks at you wondering which god has sent you his way. You don’t try to start an uncomfortable conversation. Not even once you forced him to talk to you. He’s incredibly grateful for the way you deal with his peculiarities.

“Sometimes when I get overwhelmed by my thoughts I look at the stars. I try to remember all the constellations I learned over the years. It took me years to learn that it’s actually okay not to be okay and w-“, you don’t mind holding an one-sided conversation. Simon could listen to your voice all day long yet he interrupts you, “I love you.”

Simon can’t look at you after his rather blunt confession scared to see rejection in your eyes. You take his hand in yours softly to get his full attention, “I love you too, Simon.” There is only admiration and kindness in your eyes. His heart swells with happiness.

You know it wouldn’t be easy to love Simon yet you still did it with all you had. First things first, this man has to learn to trust again. Opening up himself. He lived so long behind a mask not sure how to be a functioning human being anymore. You are always there for Simon giving him exactly what he needs. Patience, love, honesty, safety.

This man would literally die for you in an instant.

You adjust to keeping your relationship under the radar for a while. Not even his team knows about the two of you. Except for Price. He knew right away after Simon confessed his love to you during that night.

One evening in the bar Simon decides it is time to make it official. Johnny likes to flirt with you in a platonic way. “Amazing drinks as always, sweetheart”, Soap winks at you grinning like the childish boy he still is.

“That’s my partner you are flirting with, Johnny”, Simon wraps his arm around your middle as you stand next to him by the table. A few seconds no one dares to say a word. Price leans back impressed by Ghost’s openness, “Pay up, Gaz.” Kyle rolls his eyes as he hands over the money.

“You did not bet on us?!”, you throw your rag laughing at Price. He raises his hands in surrender, “Sorry, it was clear as the day. Had to take the chance to win a fine bet.” Gaz shrugs one shoulder, “I thought you two would be just friends.”

Soap stares at all of you clearly confused, “Am I the only one who did not about this at all?” Smiling you push his shoulder playfully, “Your head is always up in the clouds to notice the small things.” Cougar pushes his way forward to put his head on Ghost’s leg begging for head scratches.

“Oh, that’s why Cougar likes you more now!”, Soap puts the puzzle pieces together way later than everyone else. Simon can’t explain in words how happy he is in this moment. He finally found his very own little family.

Bonus

Soap: So… (Y/N), did you see Simon without his mask?

(Y/N): … No, not yet and that’s totally fine.

Soap: You didn’t kiss yet?! Simon! What are you waiting for?

Ghost: Fucking hell, Johnny! None of your business!

(Y/N): Don’t be so harsh, Simon. Johnny doesn’t know how to woe his partner.

Ghost: … *tries not to snicker*

Soap: That’s right! I don’t know … wait, what? HEY!

Ghost: *proud of you* (Y/N), I love you so much~

John “Soap” MacTavish

Let’s be honest, everyone would know right away that this man is so in love with you. Soap is not someone who can keep things like this a secret. As soon as he lays his eyes on you his whole face lights up and nothing can bring him ever down.

“Fucking hell, Johnny, tell (Y/N) what you feel or I do it. I can’t stand you drooling over the whole table anymore”, Ghost doesn’t mean it literally, but Soap’s puppy eyes and lovesick grin the whole evening make him gag eventually.

Soap would love to tell you what he feels, but is just way too scared to lose you. “Just rip it off like a band-aid”, Gaz isn’t really the right one to give out flirt tips yet he does it anyways. Gaz and Ghost would team up against Soap; teasing him non-stop to push him to his limits so he would finally confess his undying love for you. “Boys, please, leave the poor lovesick baby alone”, Price smiles into his whiskey knowing exactly what he’s doing.

Soap stands up from his chair without a further word making his way towards the good old jukebox. He choses the first song he played over and over again to annoy you. It’s also actually the song that reminds him off you. When Soap is away from you he is always listening to this song.

You can’t help yourself from yelling out an amused “Johnny!” as you make your way towards him. A slight smile appears on his lips as he falls over and over in love with you once again. It is the first time you ever called him Johnny and it’s the most beautiful sound he has ever heard.

He grabs your hands in his to overplay how hard they are actually shaking. The nervousness is eating at him, “Just listen for a second. I really need to get this off of my chest … Then you can yell at me or whatever.”

“The first time I ever saw you has burned into my mind, because it was the best moment in my whole life. You are a ray of sunshine. Every time I’m with you I experience so much happiness and joy like I could hug the entire world. If I could I would drown in this feeling for the rest of my life… Not that I’m proposing… I mean if you want me to I-I … Oh shit…”

Everything started out so good for him, then he starts to stumble upon his own words. Still Johnny keeps pouring his heart into his one-sided speech, “I really like you, (Y/N). I’m not the best catch out there I know but I pro-…”

You cut his rambling off with a brief but meaningful kiss. “You talk way too much sometimes, Johnny”, you wink at him grinning and the whole bar interrupts your moment with cheering. Cougar makes him way in between the two of you to share some of the love.

This man worships the ground you walk on and would do everything for you. Sometimes Soap is a bit childish, but it doesn’t bother you at all. It reminds you to enjoy the life how it is and don’t worry too much. He still loves to get on your nerves with doing stupid shit. Here and there Soap even teams up with Gaz to make it double trouble.

“Sweetie, you love me, right?” – “You are god damn lucky you are cute, Johnny…”

Johnny is literally moving in with you after the two of you start dating. You can’t convince me otherwise. Being always by your side is his way of love language. Of course, you are not mad about having him around you all the time.

But the most important thing is that you bring Johnny peace and happiness. For the first time in forever he learns what being in love with someone really means. Having a reason to come back in one piece from missions. Johnny loves wrapping you up in his arms for sure being the happiest man on earth.

“I love you so damn much, (Y/N).” – “I love you too, Johnny.”

Bonus

Can’t forget about the most important fact of your relationship. Sharing your lovely Scottish man with your dog…

Johnny: Don’t look at me like that. I love you so much, Cougar. You are my number one.

You: … Do you want some alone time with my dog, Johnny?”

Johnny: No, no, you can stay if you want :)

You: … -.-

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Gaz is quite decent hiding his growing feelings for you behind his poker face. No one knows how much it costs him to keep up his coolness. He lost completely control over his own body. You entering the room is enough for him to turn into a blushing mess How is he supposed to tell you what he feels without making a fool out of himself?

Silently sighing Gaz downs his drink in one single sip. He hates how easy everyone seems to interact with you. Soap always makes you laugh with his jokes, while he can’t even make a conversation without starting to ramble or stutter.

Gaz only wants to let you know how much you mean to him. That you make his life so much better. You are literally perfection and out of his league. Why does he even bother to try? His desperation reaches another level.

Only alcohol can help him now. He downs another drink earning a concerned glance from Price, “You okay?” With a slight smile on his lips Gaz stands up, “Never have been better, Cap.” John just witnessed him downing two handful of drinks within an hour. He is clearly not okay, but maybe Gaz reached finally the level where he will confess his love to you. Price will keep an eye on him from afar.

“Hey there”, you greet Gaz with a smile that lights his whole world up. He hops onto the bar stool almost falling over with the whole thing trying to be cool. “Are you drunk?”, you have never seen him like that before ever again. Gaz usually knows his limits.

“No, not drunk. Only a bit tipsy”, an overly confident grin is plastered on his face. Knowing what an effect you have on him you lean forward pulling him closer towards you by his shirt collar, “Then proof it.” His eyes widen full of panic for a second, while his heart skips a beat just to double up the speed afterwards.

“If I would be drunk I would tell you how perfect you are. I would tell you how much love I have in my heart for you. There is a space in there that is shaped exactly like you. Being near you makes me so damn happy I have never been before. I could drown in your lovely eyes. This must be true love…. But I’m not drunk so therefore I’m not telling you all of this.”

His truthful words leave you shocked. A slight blush appears on your cheeks.

“Well, you just said it out loud, buddy”, Soap just stands a few centimeters away from the two of you witnessing everything. Realization hits Gaz like a baseball bat in his face. His drunk ass just confessed not knowing he spoke all of his thoughts out loud?!

“Soap!”, you throw your rag at him. Without a further word Gaz stands up bailing out completely sober now and makes his way out of the bar. “Oh no, for sure not!”, Price grabs him by his shoulders and guides Gaz back to the counter, where you are still standing.

“Don’t you dare to run away from me ever again”, you grab his chin to place a kiss onto his lips. Soap giggles in the background, Ghost makes fake gag sounds and Price just rolls his eyes, “Get a room, kids.”

Gaz still can’t believe his luck even after weeks of dating. You are the only good thing in his life and he would give everything to make you happy. Which means he lives his romantic side to its fullest. Planning out dates like almost every week. Burying you under a wave of presents he thinks you might like. Writing you pages and pages of meaningful words hoping you can understand what you mean to him.

But as soon as his ass is planted in the bar he turns into a literal child. Bickering with Soap about the jukebox. Making bets with him who can annoy you the worst. Sneaking drinks behind your back and so on. He even teams up with Soap AND Cougar singing songs from the jukebox. Well, Cougar only barks away happily having a blast with Gaz by his side.

“You are all grounded for the rest of the week!” – “No, baby! I love you! You know that, right? RIGHT?! BABY!”

Bonus

Gaz: … Thank you, Captain, for giving me the push I needed.

Price: You are welcome, kid… but please stay away from the alcohol.

Soap: … What about me? I helped too!

Gaz: You made everything worse!

Soap: I did not! You wanted to run away!

Gaz and Soap: *start pushing each other*

Price: Boys, behave.

(Y/N): … I love all of you, but bloody hell what did I get myself into?

Tagging @apathetickun @missroro @abbiesxox @flyingmushroomss

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emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 2 months

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 15 Summary:

Jackson is not what you expected. While Joel's past comes back to haunt him, you have a hard time trying to reconcile the grieving version of him, with the man you love. Meanwhile, the secret you have been keeping has become nearly impossible to hide, especially since you have your own ghosts coming back to haunt you. Will you able to finally tell Joel, or will you remain silent?

Warnings: Angst, Hurt & Comfort, Joel's Past Has Got Hands and So Does Reader's, Tommy Miller is a Little Shit (Lovingly), Talks About Self Harm and Substance Abuse, Smut, Miscommunication, A/B/O Dynamics, Secrets Being Kept Poorly.

A/N:

Hello folks! I hope you guys have been doing well :)

This is our first look into reader and Joel getting to Jackson. Lots of angst, as it seems Joel was not completely honest with reader about the reason he left the community after Ellie's death. Some fluff and comfort ensues, as well as more angst as reader is also not being honest. Don't worry, I've broken it up with some smut for you guys ;)

As per always, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy <3

Chapter 15/20

Chapter 15: A Change is Gonna Come

Rough hands gripped your cheeks, a welcome distraction from the chilliness of the early morning as a deep timber mumbled words you couldn’t quite understand. You hummed, still delirious with sleep and unable to bring yourself to open your eyes as the voice continued attempting to rouse you.

“C’mon honey, it’s time to wake up now. Open them pretty eyes for me baby,” Joel cooed in your ear.

You smiled, nuzzling deeper into the scarred expanse of his chest. He sighed in frustration when you refused to budge and you waited for his next plan of attack.

The first time Joel had woken you with kisses and a calming voice, it was him just trying to be sweet. He had whispered sweet nothings in your ear, kissing all over your face with the promise of a hearty breakfast waiting for you if you got up from bed. Since then, everytime you were woken up by him, he would be sure to attack your face with a plethora of gentle pecks until you finally blinked your eyes open. Cocooned in a mess of soft blankets and warmed by your mate, you had greedily waited for them to come as he tried and failed to get you to open your eyes.

“Darling, we gotta get up. C’mon now, I ain’t playing with you,” Joel tried, his tone marred with frustration.

“No.”

Another, more drawn out sigh came from him that forced you to bite back the giggles that threatened to spill from your lips.

“If you want to wake me up, you’ll do so in the correct way,” you chided.

“Baby I don’t think -”

You snorted, “Then I’m going back to sleep.”

The blankets were pulled up even further to reinforce your point. Melting into his side, you sighed and eased all signs of wakefulness from your body. Joel groaned in annoyance and you bit back an even bigger grin. It was impossible not to toy with him when he made it so easy for you to press all of his buttons.

He grumbled a stormy words under his breath, but he still leaned in and placed a few hesitant kisses across your cheeks. They were so soft that you barely felt them, aside from the scruff of his beard that was chafed against your cheek. Not that you were complaining, the burn of his beard against your softest patches of skin was almost as delicious as the kiss itself.

Blinking your eyes open, Joel’s weathered face came into view. He was surrounded by the rays of sunshine that poured in through the windows. Despite the grime that he had acquired along the journey, his graying curls still glinted in the sun and you longed to comb through them until he relaxed. Warm pools of chocolatey brown captured your gaze, turning your insides into melted goo as you buzzed with adoration beneath him.

When he didn’t return the grin you were slightly miffed, confused at his sudden cold shoulder after last night’s breakthrough. The lingering ache between your thighs, along with the handprints bruised your hips, were enough evidence to remind you of the connection that was shared. While you were finally feeling loosened up from the love making, Joel was stiff as a board. In fact, he looked absolutely pissed as he snapped his eyes away, glaring at the other end of the room instead of looking at you. It was only when you heard a stranger’s cough that you understood his grumpiness.

With the sheets clutched tightly against your naked body, you propped yourself up on your elbows beside him with widened eyes. The room was mostly the same, aside from the man that was leaned up against the side of the couch with a shit eating grin. His dark hair was long and curled around the ends, pushed back in a way that showcased the beginnings of gray along the sides of his head. With a dark mustache above his full lips, along with a strong jawline that sculpted his tanned face, you couldn’t help but think that he was handsome. Not quite as handsome as the furious man beside you, but still.

Although he was a stranger, you felt no immediate danger being around him. It wasn’t just that he was clearly a beta, with his average height and non threatening presence, it was how he looked at you. The expression he wore, despite it being slightly more lax, reminded you of Joel’s whenever he was in a good enough mood to joke around with you. All you felt was a dizzying sense of deja vu as you studied him, trying and failing to place him in your past. When his mustache twitched, an even brighter grin threatening to take over his face from your pointed gaze, it finally clicked.

“Tommy,” you breathed out.

It wasn’t a question. There was no doubt in your mind that he was Joel’s brother. Although they were more lively, Tommy’s eyes shared the exact same color and ability to pierce through anyone in their path as his brother. Along with that, the dimples that Joel saved for the smiles shared with you were mirrored on the younger man’s face. A satisfied grin graced Tommy’s lips at your guess, his teeth gleaming in the sun as he nodded in response.

“At your service ma’am. It’s nice to finally meet ya, been wondering when the hell you two would show up,” he laughed.

Joel ground his back molars together in annoyance, a bad habit that he relied upon when he was stressed. You looked between the two men, sensing the tension radiating off of Joel at his little brother’s nonchalant presence in the room. The empathetic noise you made was soft, meant only for your mate’s ears as you pressed closer to him to ward off whatever distress was brewing within his mind.

“Oh don’t mind him sweetheart, the bastard is just feeling extra territorial because y’all were but-ass naked when I found ya. I reckon it’s his big ol’ alpha brain rearing up to rip my head off,” Tommy joked, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

There was no time for embarrassment at Tommy’s accidental glimpse at your nude form, not when Joel was suddenly growling at him and pulling himself from the ground. Steam was practically pouring from his ears, with a flush growing up the side of his neck as he positioned himself to strike. Yanking him back by the scruff of his neck, you barely managed to reel the alpha in before he lunged.

Joel doing something that a less hormone fueled version of himself would regret could not happen on your watch, especially not over something so stupid. Of course it was embarrassing, but Tommy didn’t seem particularly interested in leering at you. If the simple ring that adorned his left hand was any indicator, the beta was only trying to razz his older brother. And while you were completely aware of the harmlessness of Tommy’s ribbing, Joel’s triggered instincts had reared him up for a fight. It was nearly impossible to hold back the wall of muscle that was prepped to destroy any threat, even if the threat was imaginary.

The grip you had on his body made him groan in annoyance and he whipped his head back to glare at you. There was a fire in his gaze, only dying down when you sent him a pleading look that was coupled with a whine. Anger, desperation, fear, regret, and contempt all played out on his face, as the more refined part of his brain went to war with the instinctual response he was having.

As misguided as the response was, you understood where it was coming from. Over the few months you had known each other, so much had happened. Joel had found you, fallen in love with you, bonded with you, and then almost lost you. And it was not just the one time that you had almost slipped through his fingertips, but so many times that it was inconceivable that you were still breathing. At any other time, Joel would have known that you were completely safe with his brother, given that he was the same man he had known since he was two years old, but the alpha in him didn’t care for blood ties. The bond that mattered to him at this point was the one he had sealed with you.

“Tommy, go wait outside for us. We’ll be out in a minute,” you carefully instructed the youngest Miller.

The guffaw that came from Tommy made Joel’s jaw click, his eyes fully dilated and ready to pounce on the man that lounged lazily against the abandoned sofa. Rage practically radiated off of Joel, making you sweat from head to toe from the blazing heat. His body leaned over yours, shielding you from his brother’s view despite your attempts at squirming away from him. Joel grabbed your hip under the blanket, effectively stilling your movements so he could drape himself over you, you shoved his face into your neck.

With Joel’s face pressed into your neck, growling muffled threats for his brother against your delicate skin, you looked over his shoulder. Tommy was shocked, his eyes widening in disbelief as you smothered his brother in your scent in an attempt to hold him back. You raised an eyebrow at the beta when it looked like he might make a joke, daring him to push the envelope further when your mate was this vulnerable. The expression on Tommy’s face shifted again, first flickering to recognition before it melted away into a look of admiration.

“Look, it’s nice to meet you and all, but we haven’t exactly had an easy journey. It’s best that you clear out before he rips your fucking face off. I don’t think it matters much that you’re his brother right now,” you urged him.

Tommy’s face fell, his eyes shifting to your fingers struggling to keep Joel’s head in place before he got the hint. As if the alpha could taste the nervousness that was rolling off the other man, Joel tried to remove himself from the crook of your neck and you cussed, whispering soft words into his ear to keep him distracted. His scent was soured, teeth barred as you kept one hand on the back of his neck and the other shoved into his curls.

“Right uh, apologies ma’am. Didn’t mean no harm, I’ll go wait with the recruit. I told him to stay back when I smelled Joel. Newbie’s probably wondering what’s going on in here anyways,” he mumbled, inching his way to the door as Joel began to buck against the hold on his neck.

With his jovial bubble popped, you watched as Tommy hurried over to the front door to escape the wrath of his feral brother. It wasn’t until the door slammed shut behind him that Joel released the breath he had been holding, slowly sinking into your body as the threat got further and further away from his mate.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay baby. It’s just your brother, we’re okay. There’s no danger. It’s just Tommy,” you soothed.

Scritching at his scalp with one hand, you smushed his face into your neck so he could huff at the skin. Joel grumbled and growled, still too keyed up to do anything other than spit dark insults about his brother. He didn’t mean any of it, you knew that. This was nothing but an instinctual need to protect you, a need that was underscored by way too many close calls for his liking. With Aspen’s group likely still fresh in Joel’s mind, there was no telling what he would have done if you hadn’t stopped him.

Luckily for Joel, the scarred gland under your ear emitted a scent that could overpower any of the many moods he was accustomed to. When he finally sucked in a deep whiff of the skin there, he sighed and began to trace a line up your throat with his nose. Throwing a leg over his hip to pull him even closer, you wrapped yourself around him until no space remained. As Joel’s body began to relax, you decided to try again.

“Joel, honey, it’s fine. Tommy didn’t mean anything by it. Plus, he’s fam-”

“He ain’t nothing if he looks at ya in that state. Only person who gets to see you like that is me, not him,” he cut in, his lips brushing against your skin with every syllable.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at his bitter response. That was not how Joel truly felt and you knew it. He was letting his fears and recent experiences mix with his instincts, creating a perfect storm where he would gladly take out his own brother for the mistake of a poorly timed walk in. There was nothing to do but to hold him close, allowing him to nip at the sensitive skin below your ear until the storm passed. And just as you knew it would, the tension slowly drained from his body until he was groggily humming at the fingers scratching at his scalp.

“Was Tommy leering at me like some creep? Or are you mad at him for the simple act of walking into an unlocked house?,” you tried, hoping that he was calm enough to be reasoned with at last.

Joel sighed and pulled his face away. Pink tinged cheeks told you everything you needed to know. He groaned at your knowing smile, burying himself back into your neck in embarrassment as you laughed at him. Kissing the side of his face, you bit back all of the jokes you could make about his state.

“He could’ve knocked,” Joel grouched.

You chuckled, “Ah yes, because I’m sure he was expecting to see his brother naked and tangled up with some random chick. That was totally just what the guy needed to see at the ass crack of dawn. We’re probably gonna give the poor guy nightmares babe.”

Joel squinted at you for a moment, the lines on his face becoming more pronounced with displeasure as he gripped your sides. The squeal you let out was loud, bouncing off of the walls as he rolled you back underneath him. He loomed over you, brows coming together in a look of concern as he cupped your face. Thumbs brushed against the apples of your cheeks, making you hum at the sweetness.

“I don’t want to ever hear you say that again, you hear me?,” Joel snapped, making you blink in surprise at the harshness in his tone.

He softened then, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose as he sighed, “You are not some random chick baby, never call yourself that. You’re my mate, my family - the love of my fucking life.”

Melting against floorboards, you felt the heat that flushed the tips of your ears and ran down the side of your neck. He might not think so, but Joel certainly had a way with words. Whether it be the sweet assurances and compliments he showered you with, or the straight up filth he growled into your ear as he fucked you, each sentiment that was drenched in his syrupy southern drawl made your stomach twist in the best way possible.

The kiss that he pressed to your lips made you gasp, the gentle passion of it taking you completely off guard as he sucked your bottom lip into his mouth. Pressing yourself further into him, you were reminded of the lack of clothing on your bodies when Joel’s soft cock pressed mindlessly into your inner thigh. A soft whine bubbled to the surface, making him chuckle at your neediness as he pulled back. Leave it to Joel to have you desperate with one simple kiss.

“Okay,” Joel sighed, leaving one last peck on your nose before he moved to get up, “We should probably get on with it.”

“But Joooel,” you groaned, earning a sharp look from him.

He shook his head, “C’mon honey, doubt Tommy and the other guy would take too kindly to me fucking you while they’re waiting on us.”

You sighed but relented, bracing yourself for the frigid air as you kicked the sheets away.

Joel dressed quickly, somehow always managing to beat you to it despite the many layers he was always sporting. After he was done, he knelt before you, ignoring your whines about him hurting his knees as he laced up your boots. Even though you were slightly annoyed that he was ignoring your concern, you couldn’t help the way your face flushed at the action. With each boot came a few kisses placed on your calves, the feeling of his soft attention making you feel girlish and giddy.

“Ok darling, let’s get out there,” he sighed as he finished with the last one.

Joel laced his fingers with yours, leading you towards the front entrance with a determined stride that you had to work hard to match. With his nerves shot from the previous encounter, he didn’t seem to notice your scurrying feet. You were basically dragged behind him, trying desperately to match his pace as he threw the door open. Joel stepped out into the sun, halting so suddenly that you slammed into his back with a grunt. He didn’t react, clutching your hand like a vice as he mindlessly stomped towards the unfamiliar horses that mingled with the stallion Joel had stolen.

Tommy whistled as you approached,“Finally, wasn’t sure if you were going to be able to convince the grizzly bear to go back into hibernation.”

Joel scoffed,“Boy, would you shut up? God damn, I got half the mind to turn my ass right back around and high tail it out of here.”

He was only half joking. Nevertheless, the laughter it caused was genuine and you were shocked when the younger man felt emboldened enough to throw his arms around Joel. You watched the reunion from a few steps back, feeling wary of Tommy’s brashness until Joel returned it with a muffled chuckle. With the two men hugging and slapping each other's backs harshly, a custom of the male species that you had never fully understood, the alpha finally relaxed completely.

“Shit, I missed your sorry ass,” Tommy laughed as he pulled away, gripping his brother by the shoulders with a million dollar smile on his face.

Joel grinned and nodded, scuffling his feet before he replied with more muted, “Yeah, guess I missed you too.”

Tommy released him, turning towards you with a big grin that you couldn’t help but return. Joel cleared his throat, gruffly giving him your name with an awkward wave of the hand.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Joel has told me a lot of stories,” you greeted him, reaching out to shake his hand but it was batted away.

Instead, this golden retriever of a man wrapped you in a bear hug that had your toes barely touching the ground. The oof you let out was involuntary, along with the comfortable chuckle you let out at his gaul. Whereas Joel was standoffish and guarded, his brother was sociable and carefree. They were truly each other’s yin and yang, complete opposites that had depended on each other because of their differences. The differences that, in the end, had also kept them apart for so many years. You had about a million questions to ask him but refrained, not wanting to anger Joel by digging for answers from his brother.

While patting Tommy on the back, you finally managed to catch a whiff of his scent. Being a beta, his was not as strong as yours or Joel’s, but it was still there. The smell of campfire and coffee, accentuated with notes of something nuttier and sweet that undoubtedly came from his mate, surrounded you. It was surprising. Such a deep scent for such a cheerful man seemed outlandish, yet you had the feeling that the beta likely had many layers that you weren’t aware of. Some people had to fight brutal battles, external and internal, to claim their happiness in this world. Perhaps he was one of them.

Tommy tsked as he pulled away, “None of that formal shit, you’re family now. Besides, if you can put up with him then I’m sure you’re practically a saint.”

“I think the way you found us this morning would prove otherwise,” you joked.

Joel groaned in embarrassment at your crass comment, almost drowning out his brother’s cackling. You snickered a bit, letting Tommy’s infectious laughter get to you for a second before you looked back up at Joel. The glare he sent your way was semi-playful, but a bit charged with the same discomfort from before and you made a note to tone it down a bit. Just as you turned towards Tommy, beginning to change the subject for Joel’s sake, the younger man cut you off.

“Oh, there he is. Hey newbie! Come on over here, got some people I’d like ya to meet,” Tommy called, waving his hands at the tree line.

Tommy turned back with another easy smile, launching into a review of the new recruit that you had a hard time paying attention to.

“Kid has only been with us a few weeks, not too keen on patrolling but I think he’ll do great in the greenhouse. Not much of a talker either, but nice enough given the circumstance -”

Tommy’s babbling suddenly became background noise, replaced by the sound of your pulse quickening in excitement. Cloves and citrus wafted over from the treeline, tickling your nostrils as you wheeled around to face the newcomer head on.

Cooper trudged through the snow, his green eyes trained on the ground as he hummed some nameless tune. His mousy hair had been trimmed since the day you had saved him from Paul’s alphas, the longer strands perfectly framing his face in a way that made your heart soar. There was only one person who would give their mate such a chic haircut, someone who once confessed that he would rather die than wear a pair of capris, and that person happened to be your best friend. In an instant you were gone, sprinting over to him and crushing him a hug that knocked him back a few steps.

“Uh, hey to you too?,” Cooper stammered, his hesitant hands coming up to awkwardly pat at your back.

If asked, you couldn’t say why you hugged him. Never had the two of you shared more than a five minute conversation, much less an intimate embrace. Maybe it was the fact that Cooper smelled like Jake. Maybe it was the fact that, unlike the two men standing behind you, he knew what it was like to grow up as you had. Maybe it was simply because he was familiar, someone you had seen on a daily basis since childhood despite having never talked. Or maybe it was because of how he had helped Joel escape and subsequently broke his promise to you, unwittingly ensuring that you survived the showdown with his brother.

Either way, you clung to Cooper for a few more seconds, hugging him tighter than necessary as he floundered in your grasp. After a minute of this, you smiled when he finally sighed and pulled you into a semi natural hug. There was still some awkwardness there but you were pretty sure that Cooper existed in a state of continuous discomfort, meaning that his slightly stiff posture was nothing personal.

You let a few tears roll down your face and cursed yourself for being so emotional. Although you were happy Cooper was alive, having already forgiven his role as a bystander when you learned of the abuse he had endured from his brother, he was not the person you wanted to see. Cooper was the socially anxious alpha who you knew in the weirdest of ways, not his firecracker of a mate. Reminding yourself of that, you finally pulled away.

“I’m…,” you choked on a cry and tried again, “I’m very glad that you’re alive.”

Cooper nodded dumbly, looking utterly flabbergasted at your random burst of affection towards him. You sniffed and whimpered, suddenly feeling so small in front of the lanky alpha that constantly seemed unaware of his own height and build. He frowned at the shift in your mood, stepping back to give you space despite the fact that it was you who had embraced him first. His eyes squinted in confusion as they raked over your shaking figure, trying desperately to find any injury that would account for the unusual behavior.

Anxious, ridiculous thoughts came from the recesses of your mind. Outrageous fears about x-ray vision that could potentially spy a developing fetus rocked through you, forcing a fresh batch of tears to the surface. That was when you felt Joel behind you, gently turning you away from a baffled Cooper and leading you back over to the horses with his hands on your shoulders. Wiping your eyes of the unshed tears with shaky hands, you allowed him to direct your path.

“Darling, uh - are you good? I mean, I don’t care. You can hug whoever you want but I don’t know, I never pegged you and him as the best of friends,” Joel whispered curiously, trying to keep his voice as low as possible.

You shook your head dismissively, “M’just tired and he smells like Jake, that’s all. Want to see my friend, I miss him.”

Although he nodded in response, you knew that Joel wasn’t buying it and neither were you. Why were you so emotional over seeing Cooper? You weren’t entirely sure but you had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with the other thing. The thing that you were trying hard to avoid thinking about. Regardless of your own doubts, there was no way you were bringing it up to Joel. Not until you were absolutely sure. There was no need to give him a heart attack if it wasn’t true, even if you were internally crumbling over it yourself.

The loud clap that Tommy gave made you jump, everyone’s attention shifting over to the beta as he gestured towards the horses.

“Hate to break up the reunion but I think we oughta be getting back. Lunchtime soon and Maria will probably want to see you before it gets too late,” he announced, turning back so he could lift himself onto his horse.

Cooper nodded and followed his lead, jumping up on his horse with less finesse but still managing to get himself on without falling off. Joel nodded at you to follow him, climbing on with ease before he pulled you up onto the seat behind him. Wrapping your arms around his soft tummy, you pressed your cheek against his warm back as the horse began to move.

“Alright, let’s take her easy on the way back. No need to be rushing in all this mess,” Tommy called as he trotted out from the gates, gesturing towards the snow drifts that dotted the area.

Joel scoffed over the wind, following his brother dutifully despite his apparent dislike for the speed. He clicked his tongue, signaling for the horse to move faster so that he was riding alongside Tommy. The youngest Miller looked over, nodding at you before he rolled his eyes at his brother’s expression.

“Gone soft or something? Scared I’m gonna beat ya there?,” Joel goaded.

You smiled at his teasing, enjoying seeing the side of Joel that was still an annoying older brother. One that simply had to disrupt his sibling’s peace by shaming him into a race. It made you slightly jealous, having never had a sibling yourself, but you pushed the feeling away. It was good that Joel kept the sibling in him alive, perhaps the fractured relationship still had a chance of being repaired with this visit.

Tommy grinned at him for a second before his gaze flicked back to you, his face getting more somber as he did. You cocked an eyebrow at the intensity of his gaze, unsure of what it meant.

“Nah, reckon you’ve got precious cargo,” Tommy answered quietly, those all knowing puppy dog eyes shifting to your stomach for a brief flash before they shifted back to Joel.

The air you had in your lungs stilled as you stared at the side of Tommy’s face. How in the fuck did he put it together in the three seconds he had known you? Was it that obvious? Panic bloomed in your gut, spreading a cold sweat across your body at the thought of someone who wasn’t a dead cult leader knowing about the secret you kept. The secret that you weren’t even sure was true. Would Tommy tell him before you had the chance? You hoped not.

Joel snorted, “Her? I’m sure she can handle a little race.”

“Oh, I’m sure she can. That’s not what I was saying,” Tommy answered, clicking his tongue at the mare and leaving his brother behind.

As Joel mumbled to himself about his brother being weird, he fell into a comfortable pace with a flick of the reins. Meanwhile, you were frozen in fear behind him. The sound of hooves provided the perfect background noise for Tommy’s words to echo in your ears. If the beta could tell this soon, along with Aspen, how much longer could you hold out before it became glaringly obvious? And again, was it even fucking true? There was a small part of you that was still holding out hope, despite the evidence that was beginning to pile up, that Aspen had been wrong. But the truth seemed to rear its head at you at every turn and it was as ugly as ever.

You strained against the confines of murky memories for a timeline, trying to figure out when exactly you would have conceived this mystery child, but no date stuck out. Every time you had sex with Joel he had finished inside of you. He couldn’t help it and you didn’t want him to, as stupid as it sounded. There were only so many pleasures in this world and from the moment he had exploded inside of you the first time, groaning as a torrent of his cum soothed the desperation that twisted at your core, you were both hooked.

Of course you knew this would happen eventually but you stupidly believed, despite the fact that you were a perfectly healthy woman in her mid twenties, that it would happen sometime in the future. There was a more romantic part of you that had thought it would happen at the perfect time, even dreaming up a ridiculous scenario where Joel broached the topic himself. It was a ludicrous reach, you knew that, but dreams were safer than a reality where any mention of it would get shut down immediately.

Before you could sink any deeper into all out panic, you pushed thoughts of the unforeseeable future from your mind. There was no solid proof of anything yet, just a few off hand comments made to an overly sensitive omega who had every right to be emotional. Until you knew for sure, there was no use in the constant worrying. Sighing at the stress that Tommy’s comment caused, you pressed yourself into Joel’s back as he guided the horse towards Jackson. The feeling of his soft midsection comforted you, along with his gloved hands pulling your cold fingers up to his mouth to blow on them.

Joel warmed your hands with one warm puff of air at a time and you let your eyes fall shut. As if your eyelids could provide protection from the conversations that loomed in the future, you shut the world out and focused on nothing but the feeling of the man in front of you.

Jackson was big. Way bigger than Joel had described and way bigger than you had ever imagined. The walls towered above you when Tommy finally led you through them, shouting at the guards to stand down before a man with a thermometer came out to check your temperatures. You cringed when the barrel of the thermometer pressed against your forehead, with unpleasant memories of QZs coming to the forefront of your brain for the first time in years, but the man moved away from you before you could get too squirrely.

“S’alright pretty girl, they’re just doing their jobs. We ain’t a concern,” Joel said in a soft voice, turning his head so that he could look at you when he did.

You nodded and pecked the corner of his mouth, earning a brief flash of a smile from him before he hardened his expression again. While the horse moseyed towards the stables, Joel straightened himself up and withdrew into his usual grumpy demeanor. Each time one of the many residents that milled around glanced your way, Joel’s withering scowl would answer the stare. You knew it put him at ease to guard you in whatever way he could and if you were being honest, you were glad to be shielded from their probing gazes.

Joel pulled off in front of the stables, jumping down from the horse before he lifted you from the seat. Grunting softly from the effort, he snorted when you threw your arms around his neck with a frightened squeak. When your legs finally freed themselves from the horse, you grunted and wrapped them around his waist, terrified of falling to the frozen ground. His snort morphed into a chuckle as you buried your nose in the collar of his jacket, whining his name when you felt him try to put you down.

“None of that right now sweet girl, too many looky-loos,” he mumbled in your ear, pressing a chaste kiss against your hair.

Grumbling as he placed you on the ground, you glowered up at him the second you felt the crunch of the snow beneath your threadbare boots. Joel scoffed and shook his head, rolling his eyes at your theatrics before he thrusted his hand out. Cocking an eyebrow at him, you stared at the hand in mock defiance and he looked like he was about ready to throttle you.

“Would you cut it out?,” Joel groaned in annoyance, making you smile in turn.

He pursed his lips when you grasped his hand, pulling it to your lips to kiss at the bruised knuckles. Despite the hardened expression he was putting on for the onlookers, you saw the way he softened slightly from your touch. It was only when a wolf whistle rang out in the open air, making you both freeze in place, that the moment was shattered.

The sudden noise made Joel jump and he pushed you behind him, the hackles rising as he fretted about the potential threat towards his mate. You gripped at the back of his coat, ready to reel him back if his instincts took over again. But there was no threat, only a younger brother who was laughing at his older brother’s distress while a serious looking dark skinned woman stood beside him.

The woman peered at you with curious eyes, shifting them back and forth between you and Joel as if she was trying to solve a puzzle. And you looked back, studying the way her locks framed her face and her silver nose ring glinted in the sunlight. The two of you made direct eye contact, leading to a comfortable staring contest that ended with her mouth quirking up in a small smile. After a few more seconds of sizing her up, you slowly returned it.

“My name is Maria, welcome to Jackson. I’m sure you’ve heard a bit about us from Joel, but let’s get you fed and then we can talk a bit,” Maria said, keeping her gaze trained upon you despite the fact that Joel was still standing in front of you.

You nodded and stepped out from the alpha’s hulking shadow, following her towards the dining hall where the community held their meals. Despite the probing glances sent your way, Maria didn’t intimidate you as she did Joel. There was a warmth behind her authoritative demeanor, something that Josiah and other group leaders you had met never had. As you followed her towards the delicious smells of cooked vegetables and meats, you noticed how the residents greeted her with easy smiles or a respectful nod as they passed. After the fifth resident said their hellos to her, you realized that this woman, whoever she was, was not in using her position for the power it came with. Maria was in her position for the people themselves.

However, the benevolent leader did not save you from the scorn of the sea of faces that turned your way and gawked as you walked into the dining hall. Tables packed with residents sat under string lights, their steaming piles of food forgotten as they stared at you with either pity, disgust, or thinly veiled humor. The spotlight had rarely been on you for the majority of your life and this… Well, this was not the kind of attention anyone wanted to get. That much was clear as one of the residents practically gagged when you velcroed yourself to Joel’s side, trying desperately to shield yourself from their stares. The whimper that managed to crawl out of your throat was high pitched and needy, immediately catching Joel’s attention.

“Hush baby, s’alright. They ain’t looking at ya because of anything you did, this is because of me,” he whispered in your ear, placing a comforting hand on the back of your neck.

As Joel directed you towards a table near the back, you tried to take comfort in his confusing words. Calloused fingers pressed into the sides of your neck, a warm thumb brushing over your sensitive mark until you sighed. Looking around the room, you realized that he was right. These people weren’t staring because they were judging you. All of their judgment seemed to be reserved for Joel, while all of their pity was shamelessly directed towards you. For some reason, the pity felt even worse.

Joel pulled the chair out for you, dropping a kiss onto the top of your head for good measure as he pushed you in. The action caused a plethora of hushed whispers to explode from the surrounding tables, their gossip blanketing the room in a low hum of chatter. He rolled his eyes at it, but otherwise gave no indication of noticing as he eased himself down onto the chair beside you. His guard was all the way up as he sat with his arms crossed, biceps bulging under his coat in a way that would usually have you drooling.

After watching him practically bare his teeth at the community that clearly had some sort of bone to pick with him, you scooched closer and placed a hand on his thigh. Squeezing it gently, you called his name. Joel snapped his head towards you and softened ever so slightly, studying your face intently for a moment before he looked back towards the crowd. All it took was one scoff from a bystander for him to harden again, but this time he surprised you by responding to it by pressing a kiss against your cheek, effectively staking his claim in front of the sea of nameless strangers. You flushed and smiled at him when he pulled away, the reaction of the town getting lost in the thick haze of love that this man surrounded you in.

“Aw, well ain’t that sweet,” Tommy teased, once again ruining the moment.

Maria elbowed her mate in the ribs, shooting him a pointed look as he rubbed at his smarting side. You sighed and looked away from Joel, rolling your eyes at the smart mouth that your mate’s brother had.

“What? I can’t say nothing? All they do is stare at each other all lovey dovey, I can’t make a single joke about - OW! Maria?!”

His sentence was cut short by yet another harsh stab at the man’s rib cage by his increasingly frustrated wife. She glared at him, shifting her eyes between him and the line that had formed in front of the canteen until he finally got the hint. Grumbling under his breath about pointy elbows, Tommy excused himself from the table to collect food for you both. The second he was out of earshot, Maria straightened up in her seat, oozing a self assuredness that you couldn’t help but envy as she began to speak.

“A couple weeks back, a group of strangers stumbled through these gates. They were pretty banged up,except for the kid, but they all talked about some alpha named Joel that had told them about this place. Tommy thought it might be you, but I had my doubts,” Maria started.

The only sign Joel gave that he had heard her was a grunt of affirmation and you sucked your teeth at his inability to play nice. You squeezed his hand, hoping that the action would remind him that it was going to be okay. Realistically, there was no way his brother’s wife would turn you both away, right? But when Maria leaned forward in her seat, her gaze pointed directly at Joel as she continued, you heard the venom in her words.

“I thought to myself, there’s simply no way that it could be the Joel Miller I had met. That poor bastard would rather live by himself in the woods than with his cuck brother and his bitch of a wife, isn’t that right? Or am I missing something here?,” she hissed.

You blanched and turned towards him in shock. There was no way that Joel had said that about his own family. The Joel Miller you had bonded with would never be that cruel. Joel had left Jackson because of his grief over Ellie, the memories he had of her here had been too much. That was why his brother still tried desperately to remain in contact with their twice a year meetups, to make sure that he was alive and taking care of himself. Surely if Joel had said those things, Tommy would have left him for dead.

“And oh, how about when you told Tommy that his son was going to die? Something about us being selfish for having Frankie, about us not being able to take care of him? Does that ring a bell Joel?,” Maria continued, her face still schooled despite the rage that leaked into her tone.

Stomach clenching at her words, you didn’t even have to look at Joel to know that it was true. The silence that ensued was proof enough. Bile burned the back of your throat as you stared at the beta’s face, watching her nostrils flare in frustration while your mate refused to answer her. Why would he say those things? And more to the point, is that what he truly believed? That every child born to this world was doomed to die a horrible death? If he truly felt that way about his brother’s family, how well did the bode for you when the inevitable moment of truth came?

Maria sighed at his prolonged silence, “So, what now Joel? You come in here after Ellie -”

Joel’s face snapped up at the mention of his pup, his face contorting into a menacing sneer as his nostrils flared with anger. His rage practically sizzled in the open air, making the string that connected you thrum with energy as he raced towards a boiling point. Amidst the confusion and disappointment you felt, you gripped his hand to keep him tethered, putting aside your own emotions to bring him back down to earth. His head turned towards you, eyes flashing with a rage that had a strong undercurrent of poorly disguised guilt.

“You come in here after Ellie died and scared your brother half to death. Tommy was a fucking mess, not sleeping or eating, while he chased your sorry ass around town. And what do you do? Get drunk off your ass for two days, pick a bunch of fights, insult him, and then disappear!,” she snapped.

“Tommy was a mess? Over me?,” Joel asked dumbly, his voice laden with disbelief.

Maria sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, growing increasingly impatient with him. You didn’t blame her. The distaste she had for Joel was making more and more sense with each second that passed. If Tommy had been your mate and you were in her shoes, Joel would’ve been shot at the gate for even thinking that he could come in after saying such things. But she didn’t, she had allowed in the strays he had sent her way, and even invited the two of you in for lunch. That told you all you needed to know about Maria.

Rubbing at her temples to ease some of the stress, she finally sighed and opened her eyes. To your surprise, her gaze had softened into something akin to understanding. Although a hint of anger lingered, Maria looked at him with thinly veiled compassion that made Joel shift in his chair.

“Of course he was a mess Joel, Tommy is your brother. Just because he doesn’t talk to you about his feelings, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. He was worried about you. Hell, he’s ALWAYS worried about you,” she said.

“Well, um, I,” he stammered.

Maria groaned and shook her head at Joel, trying hard to remain compassionate in the midst of his emotional constipation.

“Joel, think! Tommy’s brother had just lost his second child and was completely broken, meanwhile he was a new father himself. Don’t you think he felt a bit conflicted? Don’t you think he wanted to help, even if it got in the way of his own family?,” she pressed.

Joel twitched uncomfortably in his seat, the guilt he felt making the mark on your neck burn with discomfort. You cupped it absentmindedly and Maria’s eyes flashed your way, leaning back in her seat at the realization that his discomfort was affecting you. After staring at him for another moment, burning him with the heat of her gaze, she relented.

“Look, I don’t know what it is you want from him this time, but you’re on thin fucking ice. If I hear you say a single thing out of turn to him, or anyone else, you’re out. I don’t give a shit whose brother you are, I won’t have it,” she said.

“I-I…,” Joel swallowed and tried again, “I had no idea.”

She cocked her head at him, “I know, that’s why I told you. The only person’s comfort that has ever mattered to you, is your own Joel.”

Her words hung heavy, thickening the air until it was filled with nothing but the guilt that pressed Joel into his seat and the muted resentment Maria exuded in return. That last part wasn’t true, you knew that from first hand experience with Joel, but you knew defending him wouldn’t save him from the hole he had dug for himself. All you could do was sit there in silence, rubbing his leg absentmindedly to keep from running away screaming. The tension in the room became so bad that you found yourself cutting it with the first question you could think of.

“You said m-my family came? How are they? When can I see them?,” you asked nervously, making both of their heads turn towards you.

Maria smiled at your question, a genuine warmth coming from her that calmed your sensitive nerves. You felt Joel relax as the spotlight switched to you, freeing him from her scorn as she answered your innocent question.

“They’re here. Jake is on his rounds right now, he’s been helping the nurses at the clinic while he tries to figure out what he wants to do. Although, it seems that he might take over as the town hair stylist. Lucia is getting too old, her arthritis is making it hard on her,” she sighed.

The thought of Jake as the town hair stylist made you grin. He had always been fashionable, skirting around Josiah’s rules about modest clothing in ingenious ways to ensure he remained somewhat presentable. And his skills with a pair of scissors had been proved every single time your mother tried to cut your unruly strands, with his hands always making quick work of whatever disaster she had produced. In just a few minutes, your hair would be saved by his skills as he filled you in on whatever gossip he had overheard from his trusted source. The trusted source that you now realized was probably his future husband. Yeah, you thought, being the hairstylist would be perfect for Jake.

“Cooper has been a bit trickier, can’t quite seem to figure out where he fits but he’s willing to try any job we throw at him. That counts for something, I suppose,” Maria chuckled, “I’ve been letting him stay home with the kid, she’s too young for school so that excuses at least one of the two for a bit.”

You winced at that, knowing how many times the words inadequate and weak had been used by others to describe the alpha. Cooper wasn’t a fighter by any means, he was too beaten down by years of abuse, but that didn’t mean he was useless. With Jake’s family in mind, you suddenly felt the need to defend him. Going through your rolodex of memories for anything of use, you could only come up with the same two memories you had of him from your upbringing to aid in his defense.

“He was always either in the library reading or outside gardening. Cooper keeps to himself, so I don’t know much, but I know that he read every book that came his way and his flowers always bloomed no matter what,” you remembered aloud.

Maria nodded to herself, “I’ll keep that in mind. Tommy said he was thinking about putting him in the greenhouse. It sounds like that might be the perfect spot for him..”

She smiled and thanked you, just in time for Tommy to come back with two trays that were piled high with steaming food and drink. He smiled as he handed you the tray, winking when you quietly thanked him for the feast he had given you. Joel grunted when his brother slapped his back, giving him a strange look when he sat down in front of him. If the younger man noticed the way Joel’s gaze pierced through him, like he was trying to dig into his brain for answers, he didn’t say anything.

“Alright,” Tommy exclaimed, rubbing his hands together as he sat alongside his wife, “What’d I miss?”

A beat passed.

“Joel was just telling us about how he met his mate and how they ended up here, wasn’t he?,” Maria sang, hiding her cheeky smile at Joel’s obvious discomfort.

You had to give her props, it was a cold move to force Joel into divulging his secretive life to the brother he had apparently abandoned. So cold, that you had no choice but to rescue the floundering man when he tried and failed to come up with a single word. Ultimately, you realized that it was your job as Joel’s mate to come to his defense, even when he was reaping what he had sowed.

“Oh but he’s awful at telling stories, let me do it,” you joked, brushing off the request with a dismissive wave.

Tommy laughed, “Shit, ain’t that the truth. You’re right, best you do the talking. Go on, shoot.”

And so you began. Luckily for you, Jake had already filled them in on the complexities of your previous group, allowing for you to start the story when Joel had found you by the river. Somewhere in between the point when Joel was taken and when you had your big show down with Paul, you felt his hands grab yours. He gripped them so fiercely that his knuckles turned white, as if he was afraid you might float away if he didn’t hold on to you.

The memories were painful to recount but unlike Joel, you could bear it. But for him, reliving his time imprisoned and you slashing through all of the Paul’s men before you tried to sacrifice yourself was downright torture. Joel only spoke up once, to correct your guess on how many days you were apart, but stayed unbearably silent for the rest of the time. All of the muscles in his body were taut, tensed for an attack that had already happened sometime ago.

By the time you finished off the tale with an edited version of Aspen’s group, leaving out the words she had said to you alone, Joel was glued to your side. He was staring at his plate, eyes never once leaving the food as it turned cool in the open air. Your hands were being held hostage in his lap, with his thumbs rubbing over the backs of them until they were raw. Each time you moved an inch to the left he easily pulled you back into him, a soft growl leaving him whenever you attempted to flee.

“Um…That was uh, wow,” Tommy mumbled, scratching at the back of his neck as he tried to think of anything to say.

Maria was harder to read. She looked upon you with a new found interest, her eyes wide with wonder and just a hint of amusement. It was clear she saw something in you, whether it be something good or bad; you couldn’t tell. After a breath, she leaned forward and placed her hands on the table, shifting her gaze between the two of you while she spoke.

“It sounds like you both have been through a lot. Let’s get you set up and we’ll talk again tomorrow when you’ve had some rest. Tommy will get something to put your dinner in, that way you can eat in peace,” Maria declared, pushing herself up from her seat.

Tommy guffawed at her order, “I will?”

She looked at him and smiled, a hint of playfulness behind her eyes as she answered with a pointed, “You will.”

With an exaggerated eye roll, Tommy was up and bounding off to grab something to transport your food. Maria smiled softly as she watched him go, allowing you to see a sliver of the woman that loved her husband, rather than the leader who she had to be for Jackson. There was a duality about her, a softness that was cocooned in a barrier of leadership and diplomacy. You witnessed it first hand when she shifted gears, quickly wiping the love she had for Tommy from face as she turned back towards the table.

“Tommy will take you to your new place, it’s near the edge of town. It’s a bit older than the rest of the homes, so there aren’t too many residents out that way. Makes it a lot quieter, which I figured you’d like,” she sighed, looking at Joel as she said it.

He nodded, “Thank you.”

“I’ve got to go pick up Frankie but I’ll be back around once you’re settled. If you need anything, let me know and I’ll see what I can do,” she continued, her gaze this time pointed towards you.

And like that she was gone, leaving you to stare after her as you worried about the implication of her statement. What did she mean by anything? Just as you were about to ask Joel what he thought, Tommy came back with boxes and gathered your food. You watched as the two men boxed up the feast, the thought of eating making you feel sick.

Ignoring the way people stared as you left the dining hall, you kept one hand on Joel’s arm as you strode through town. He was none the wiser, accepting your touch with grace as he continuously surveyed the area for threats. However, the type of threats he was looking for were nowhere to be found. The only threats that existed in this town seemed to be the nosy neighbors that lined every street. Nevertheless, the desire to protect him from their piercing gazes and scathing whispers was strong, and you found yourself glaring at more than a few of the people.

Tommy kept up a one sided conversation with his brother as he led you towards the home. He was unphased by Joel’s silence and seemed to be ridiculously fluent in the different grunts the eldest Miller let out to acknowledge his comments. It was sort of impressive. However, although his rambling was good natured, it grated on you to no end.

By the time Tommy reached the quiet cul de sac near the furthest edge of Jackson, you were about ready to strangle him. Joel was better at hiding it than you, having likely learned over the years how to tune him out, while you had to dig your fingernails into your palm to keep from slapping him. There was also no way that you could’ve helped the nasty look you sent his way when he offered to walk you to the door. Tommy’s eyes widened at your sullen demeanor, muttering an excuse about checking the schedule for rounds before he turned on his heel and hurried away.

It wasn’t like you needed any more direction than the point of a hand. Save for two homes that hugged the mouth of the poorly shoveled street, the rest of the places you passed by were in varying stages of decay and looked like they had been left to rot. A set of shutters on one of the houses banged against the window pane with each sharp gust of wind, making you jump every few seconds. You stepped closer to Joel, using his presence as a cloak for the unease you felt as he stomped over to the house at the very end of the street.

A white fence with chipped paint surrounded the yard, giving it a homey feel that reminded you of the summer days you had once spent at a grandmother’s house. Trees surrounded the home, shrouding it in mystery until you were about halfway up the driveway.

The house was white with weather beaten gray tiles that covered the slanted roof, providing a pleasing accent to the eye. Neglected vines crawled up the columns that stood at the entrance, snaking up towards the small balcony that sat atop of it. You gasped when you reached the door, marveling at how the sides of it were adorned with slits of lightly colored stained glass. Even Joel, despite his radio silence since the conversation with Maria, was clearly impressed by the building when he stepped inside.

“She’s a fucking beauty,” he murmured to himself, running his hands along the wood panels of the mud room.

You sat down at the bench tucked into the side of the room, quietly untying your boots and hanging your coat up on the rack as Joel quietly marveled at the woodwork and the patterned tiles on the floor. Leaving him to his impromptu lecture on the ingenuity of early 1920s craftsmanship, you opened the door and walked into the warm embrace of the home.

An antique chandelier hung above your head, with all of the bulbs missing save for the one that flickered on and off with every blink of the eye. There was a staircase in front of you, as well as a living room to your right and a room with a piano to your left. The living room was cozy, with a few knitted blankets and pillows thrown on the couches and dusty photographs lined up against the mantel above the fireplace. Tasteful paintings hung on the blue walls, exuding a quiet elegance against the deep color. Sunlight filtered in from the large windows and you noticed how the trees that surrounded the home kept it safe from onlookers.

Joel sucked in a breath from the room with the piano, making you turn and follow him into the room to see what it was that he had found. The piano sat in one corner, tucked in amongst the tall walnut bookshelves that were lined with faded works, but it was the reading nook nearest to the road that he was looking at. A guitar rested against the cushion, looking as though it had been placed there deliberately by someone, and he brushed his fingers over the strings. The unreadable expression plastered on his face that made you turn back into the hall, allowing him a chance to collect himself in peace.

The next room was a dining room covered in dust, with the silverware from the original occupant’s last meal together still stacked upon the crumb filled plates. Used fabric napkins had been discarded on the table, the chairs knocked over in a frenzy as the family likely decided it was time to leave. Your heart panged at that, thinking about Joel’s own accounts of that day. Shaking yourself out of it, you pressed forward.

The halls were coated in darkly colored floral wallpaper that gave the allusion that they were wider than they actually were. More than a few times, you found yourself bumping your hip against one of the few door handles to closets that spotted the halls. After peeking into the small half bath with the chipped mirror that sat near the end of the hall, you found yourself walking into a decently sized kitchen.

The walls were painted a soft yellow color that was highlighted by a kitschy painting of cartoon yellow ducks that marched in a line towards some reeds. A breakfast nook sat in the corner of the room, the table filled with supplies someone had likely dropped off at Maria’s request. A door to the cellar was right beside it and upon looking down the steps that descended into complete darkness, you latched it shut. Your nerves were too shot for a trip down those creaky steps.

Hearing Joel’s heavy footfalls coming closer to the kitchen, you scampered over to the door that marked the end of the home, leading you out to a chilly sunroom that was filled with musty books and abandoned board games. It wasn’t that you were avoiding him or the talk you needed to have. Well, maybe you were, but the day had already been so exhausting and it wasn’t even suppertime yet. You knew he would follow you in due time, but you wanted just one moment alone in the quiet bubble that the room provided.

The sunroom looked out over a backyard that was nothing but a sea of white, save for the thick lines of trees that caged the home in at all sides. As you sat still on the old futon that was shoved in the corner, looking out at the isolated yard, you suddenly understood why this home had been lent to you and Joel. It provided you both with privacy, something that was sorely needed. You made a note to thank Maria and Tommy later.

“This is quite a place,” Joel said from the doorway and you hummed in agreement.

He sighed and sat down on the opposite end of the futon, hesitantly granting you some space rather than saddling up to your side as usual. There was a small part of you that wanted to let him leave you alone, to ignore him while you worked through all of the things you had learned about his last visit here, but you muscled through it. Regardless of anything Joel had ever done or said, he was still your mate.

Joel had been cruel to his brother, uncaring of Tommy’s undoubtedly triggered emotions as a new dad when he tore through town. He had said things, unforgivable things, that were enough for his own sister in law to dislike him enough to threaten to kick him out if they were ever repeated. And then there was the drinking, which you hadn’t even known had been a problem for him. After the plethora of talks the two of you had had, you thought that you finally knew everything about him. It felt stupid to feel betrayed, especially with the secret you were keeping from him, but you couldn’t help the way your stomach twisted with resentment.

At the same time, he was still the guy you loved with every fiber of your being, despite all of the shitty things that he had done to get to this moment. Joel was the guy that cooked for you everyday, he was the guy that carved you a rose when he couldn’t figure out how to get real flowers during the wintertime, he was the only man you had ever felt comfortable to let touch you and would remain that person until the end of time. All of these things made him undoubtedly yours but they also meant that despite your frustration, you needed to hear him out.

“Look honey, I’m sure you’re not happy with me and I… I get that. What I did, what I said, it wasn’t right, but let me explain,” Joel pleaded, his voice laced with desperation that tickled your nervous system.

The cord between you was pulled tight from the stress, leaving you with no other choice but to provide him with comfort. Carefully, as if not to spook him, you scooched over until you were leaned up against him. He sighed, throwing an arm over your shoulders as you snuggled into his side and played with his free hand. As you greedily siphoned the warmth from his hulking frame, you felt it when the stress started to roll off of his shoulders, easing the tension from him until he was finally relaxed.

“Joel, it’s okay,” you chided, “I’m not going anywhere, remember?”

Joel squeezed you tighter for a few moments, wordlessly thanking you for the reassurance before he dove into his side of the story.

“Okay so, when Sarah died I was in a bad way. I tried to follow her but I fucking missed, s’why I’ve got the ugly ass scar on my nose,” Joel explained, speaking so fast that you almost missed it.

You made a distressed noise at his admission. Not because of him recounting his attempts on his own life, although it pained you that things had gotten so dark for him, but that he felt the need to disparage himself for surviving. That scar, along with others, were parts of him that you cherished. They proved that he was alive, that he had lived through so much and would continue on despite the cruelty of life.

“Don’t say that, I’ve always liked Joel. The first time we met, I remember thinking how it made you look more rugged and handsome,” you said.

He shook his head, smiling at the compliment. Joel pressed his lips to your forehead in thanks, effectively hiding the color that stained his cheeks. Taking a breath to calm himself, he started again.

“I couldn’t do it again, not after Tommy found me,” he halted for a moment, breathing in and out a few times before he continued, “He was so mad at me but I didn’t - I couldn’t carry it. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, not even him, so I found other ways to escape it.”

There had been times, much like him, that you had used different tricks to escape from reality. Much to your disappointment, they usually only prolonged the inevitable breakdown that was brewing within. But for Joel, it seemed that his breakdown had been locked away for a little over two decades, waiting for his mate to come by and loosen the strings on his soul with a bond. As your chest ached at the thought of the agony he must have lived with, day in and day out, you wrapped your arms around his midsection and hugged him tightly. That seemed to give him strength and when he spoke up again, his voice was clear.

“I’d use anything,” Joel pressed on, mindlessly rubbing at your forearms as he spoke, “Fighting, killing, drugs, sex, booze, anything that would make it all go away for even a second. It was a quick fix but fuck, anything was better than living with the truth.”

He sighed and shook his head at his own admission, “When I met Ellie, it was bad. My nightmares about Sarah had come back and I was popping as many pills as I could to keep them away. Then after we got her, Tess died, and I had to… Well, I mean, I didn’t want to stop but…”

When he trailed off, you piped up, filling in the blanks based on what you knew of Joel and his character. If Tess, his self proclaimed best friend, was dead and he was left alone with a child, there would have been no other choice than to clean up his act.

“You sobered up for her,” you said, providing him with the words that failed him.

“I didn’t want to,” Joel was quick to admit, almost like he was trying to force you into seeing the bad side of him.

But that was the thing, you saw all of the bad parts of Joel Miller as clear as day. You knew what type of man he was, completely, whether he wanted you to or not. And the admission that he wanted to keep poisoning himself with substances didn’t bother you, in fact it made complete sense. Sarah had died and a part of him had died with her, only to be painfully revived by another random kid. Of course he would want to drink himself under the table from that, who wouldn’t?

“It doesn’t matter that you didn’t want to sober up at the time. Nobody ever wants to stop numbing the pain, it fucking sucks and it’s a hassle. What matters is that you did it,” you pointed out.

Joel sucked his teeth, frustrated at your unwillingness to surrender to his self hatred. He wanted you to flip out, to scream at him for being nothing but a selfish prick, you knew that. Coming clean about his self harm was like a form of self sabotage to him and the fact that you weren't following along to the script he had made up in his head was grating on him. Regardless of what he said, you weren’t going to budge. Reaching one hand up to the left side of his chest, you cooed at him as you rubbed at the tightness there.

“Breathe baby, it’s just us here,” you reminded him.

The noise Joel let out was pinched with frustration, at you and at himself. His head flopped against the back of the futon and you sighed, hauling yourself up so that you were straddling his lap. With gentle hands, you raised his head from its place against the cushion so that he would look at you. When he finally did, you tsked at the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. Joel was on the verge of breaking down, you could sense it like a dog sensing an oncoming hurricane, and quickly launched into comforting him with all your might.

“Oh baby,” you sighed, placing a gentle smattering of kisses across his face.

He whined at the affection and tried to push you away but you stayed strong, grabbing his hands and placing them on your hips as you worked. While your nose skimmed his throat, lips brushing up against the fresh and old indents that marked your claim on him, you felt a few stray tears land on the top of your head. Ignoring them, you continued to dote upon him until he started to shake with all of the overwhelming emotions he was having.

“I didn’t mean it, I was just… I couldn’t fathom why someone would put themselves through that, knowing that they could lose it all in an instant,” Joel choked out.

And there it was.

You sighed and sat back to look at him again. Brushing that one pesky curl that always flopped against his forehead back into place, you waited patiently for him to continue. Joel swallowed hard when your fingers wiped the tears from his cheeks, while his hands tightened their grip on your hips until you were sure they’d bruise. You watched as his throat bobbed, his eyes distant as he tried to think of the words to express what he was feeling. After a minute of this, Joel cleared his throat and continued.

“When Sarah died I had dreamt about finding the fucker that made the order to kill her, to finally even the score, but killing the FEDRA didn’t do anything, it didn’t bring her back. And killing the fireflies didn’t bring Ellie back either. They stayed dead and all it did was make me feel worse,” he explained.

You nodded, thinking back to all of the people you had killed. Paul’s group had been easy, plucking off every alpha that graced your presence had been satisfying at the time, fun even. But it did little to soothe the sting of years of abuse and a forced marriage, if anything it only made you more bitter. Paul’s death, even with his disgusting desires and attempts to take you against your will, didn’t quite provide you with the relief you had hoped to acquire. You had almost died trying to kill him and Joel had been hurt in the process. There was no revenge in the world that was worth that much.

Joel sighed, “I came to Jackson because I didn’t know where else to go. Everyone I knew was gone, except for Tommy, but I didn’t realize how bad I was. I’d drink and get into stupid fights, snapping at anyone that even looked my way. Then one night, after I got kicked out of the bar for busting a bottle off some asshole’s head, Tommy tried to talk to me and well…”

You nodded, your chest aching at the way his eyes fluttered closed in shame. Everything Maria had said was true and it didn’t take a genius to figure out why. It was ruthless, cruel even,for Joel to look at the one person that could possibly help him and dismiss him as such. However, you understood it, that black hole of despair that sucked up everything in sight. There were many times in your life where that hole had been the only thing keeping you alive.

“I understand now,” you sighed, pressing your forehead to his.

Joel cleared his throat nervously, “And?”

Leaning back, you cupped the scratchy surface of his cheeks, holding him in place as you leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. He inhaled sharply through his nose but otherwise stayed still, looking at you with wide eyes when your lips finally parted from his.

“And I get it. Not in the same way, but I do. Pain is… comfortable. Of course you lashed out on Tommy, it was the only thing that could help distance you from everything else,” you reasoned, making him lift a brow in return.

“I mean… Yeah, that’s probably true sweetheart but how - What makes you say that?,” he asked, his tone filled with curiosity.

You looked away from his probing gaze, watching a crow squawk on the branch of a tree outside. Distant memories of beatings and pinches swirled in your mind, the thought of muffled screams in your cell in the pit making bile rise to your throat. The sound of Josiah’s voice echoed throughout the house and you jumped a little in Joel’s lap, so steeped in the past that you were sure that he was just around the corner for a second.

Joel cussed at the tears that sprung to your water line, gripping your hips as he flipped you over onto your back. While pressing the weight of his body into yours, he caged you in with his forearms on either side of your face. With Joel’s warmth and scent covering you, the delicious scent of bergamot and sandalwood coating the back of your throat, the haunted memories slowly melted away.

“Josiah used to beat me when I acted out and sometimes everything would get to be so much that I would get caught on purpose, just so that I could feel something other than fear,” you finally admitted.

Joel blinked but stayed silent, allowing you the space to speak about the pain you had endured.

“Same with my mom, she wouldn’t beat me but she pinched my fat. It was always something about the way I presented myself, like if she thought I was gaining weight she wouldn’t let me eat, or if I was too loud she’d lock me in the house for a few weeks,” you mumbled.

The pinches to your more curvy parts were brutal, especially as a developing teenager who had no say in how she developed. And now, even as a fully grown woman, any time you were critical of your own body, it was her voice that echoed in your ears. Instead of teaching you to love the thickness of your thighs and the slight pudge in your abdomen, she saw all the flaws someone had once pointed out to her and preyed upon them in you. It wasn’t until Joel came into your life that you had realized that your body was capable of being desired, that it was worthy of being loved.

Worse than the focus of your weight had been the isolation. For weeks you were stuck inside of the small house, confined to a bedroom that doubled as a cell when you weren’t cleaning or cooking under her watchful eye. It made you nauseous thinking about how she was constantly poised to attack, ready to spit hellfire through her teeth at any chore done slightly wrong.

Locked away from the rest of the camp and the sun, your darkest thoughts had become louder and louder until you started punishing yourself as a distraction. Pinching your fat, refusing meals, and saying awful things to yourself in the mirror felt better than accepting the fact that it was your own mother that had done this to you. And plus, maybe if you agreed with her, if you hated yourself as much as she hated you, she might finally leave you alone.

“I started doing it myself, the pinching, the insults, and the starving, all of it. It was the only distraction I had when they kept me away. That’s why…,” you halted, trailing off before you could burden him any more.

Joel shook his head, his eyes pleading for you to continue as he leaned forward to kiss the tears that warped your vision. You let him, sighing at his gentleness, reveling in it before you continued with your own tale of woe. Being in Jackson was hard for you too and it had memories of not only your parents coming back up, but the memories of the isolation you faced while in the pit. Joel had only heard an edited version of your time there, with you not wanting to bother him with the dark recollection, but now was as good a time as any.

“In the pit, they beat you first. Then, they starve you. If neither of those things worked, they’d put you in the sweat box,” you sighed, remembering the smell of it, “It’s a super small, very hot room where you can’t lay down. You just stand there for days without any food or water, sweating like hell and standing in your own shit until someone lets you out.”

He swallowed hard as he hovered over you, his scent souring slightly from the anger that turned his neck red and splotchy. You sighed, shaking your head as you tried to find a way to put it all into words.

“If I’m ever clingy, that’s why. I don’t like it when you leave me alone, it just feels like that. And now, I’m worried that what happened with Tommy could happen again, that you’d leave if things got complicated between us instead of sticking around to talk it out with me,” you admitted.

Joel pressed his forehead to yours again, breathing in the same air as you as he tried to hold back every bitter thing he had to say about your childhood home. The effort it took for him not to react was condemendable, you felt the strain of it in the way the mark on your neck ached, but he somehow managed to swallow it down. In thanks, you pecked at his cheek.

“I can’t promise ya that I’ll be the best at um… Well, we both know that I ain’t great at this talkin’ stuff but I’m not going anywhere. I can’t believe you think I’d ever try, I love ya honey,” he promised.

You nodded, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Joel mimicked softly.

The quietness of the room lulled you into a peaceful state that was not anywhere close to slumber, but still left you relaxed enough that Joel had to carry you back inside due to your unwillingness to get up. The stress of the past few days had caught up, leaving you absolutely drained.

He allowed you to wrap yourself around him like a koala bear as he climbed the steps to the second floor, chuckling at your soft whimpers as you nosed at his hair and rubbed your face against his neck. Joel passed the first three bedrooms, only slowing down ever so slightly to examine them for a second before he kept going. After passing a few closets and a plum colored bathroom, he carried you into the master bedroom.

Thick knitted blankets covered the bed and you had to resist the urge to moan at how soft the mattress looked. A few boxes of clothes were pushed up against the door to the closet, as well as another placed on one of the dressers. All you wanted was for Joel to let you down so that you could change out of your rags and promptly drag him to bed for a nap, but instead he strolled into the bathroom.

“Mmmph, Joooooel, why?,” you whined.

He hummed, “I know baby, shower first and then we can sleep.”

You grumbled but allowed him to place you on the counter between the two sinks. Joel turned and fiddled with the faucet, holding his breath until a steady spray of warm water graced his fingertips. He turned back and smiled, kissing both of your cheeks before he started to undress you. The gentleness of his hands was hypnotic, forcing you into an almost meditative state with the simple brush of his rough hands. It was only when he reached the button of your high waisted jeans that you jumped, a jolt of panic rushing over you at the thought of him so close to the bump that didn’t even exist yet.

Joel grimaced at your sudden shyness, frowning as he pressed his hand into your lower abdomen. You stilled, heart hammering in your chest while he rubbed over the skin there. The world was crashing down around you, forcing tears to gather at the corners of your eyes as you awaited Joel’s judgment. Of course he knew, it seemed that everyone else had. You bit your lip, debating on whether or not you should just say it before he finally beat you to it.

“You’re beautiful sweetheart, no need to be shy. Always so fucking sexy, no matter what. Love these hips, this tummy, these fucking thighs, shiiit,” he murmured, pressing a hot trail of kisses down the column of your throat.

Oh.

All of the tension left your body at his inability to understand the gravity of the situation and he smiled, believing it was his compliments that eased your stress. Joel shot back up and caught your lips in an easy kiss, one that almost made you forget the way he had almost fumbled his way into getting a confession from you. For now, you pushed it aside, focusing on the feeling of his fingers digging into your thighs as he carried you into the steaming shower.

“Oh fuck,” you moaned, half from the feeling of his cock grinding into your core and half from the feeling of the hot water that pounded into your back.

Joel caught your lips again as he pressed you into the tiled wall, careful to ensure that your head didn’t knock against it when he started to rut into your folds. Keening at the way the head of his cock slid over your sensitive clit, you keened against his mouth as he continued to tease. The hot water made you both sweat, reddening Joel’s side as he fervently mouthed at your neck, but neither of you cared. The slickened glide of his length against your pussy was too good to stop.

For the first time in weeks you were somewhere safe. Somewhere where Joel could fuck you for hours on end without having to keep the noises to a minimum. Somewhere where there were no fears about raiders or infected busting down the door. Somewhere where nobody would come to steal one of you away. The possibilities of this place were endless, just as they had once been at the cabin when you first began your relationship with Joel and it made you both ravenous.

“Shit baby, I need mmfph - fuck, need it so bad,” he groaned.

Clenching around nothing at the pure desperation in the alpha’s voice, you scratched at his back and whined for more, more, more, more…

Joel hissed at the red lines you dug into him and shifted so that his length caught on your weeping hole with every thrust. His presence was overwhelming in the steam filled room, with his musk, body and words turning you into nothing but a toy for him to rut against. The only thing you could think about was how badly you needed him deep inside, hitting that one spot that only he could reach, the spot that had you falling apart for him every single time.

“You sure you want more honey? Want me to break that little pussy open on my cock? Don’t want it to hurt, want to take care of her, wanna make her fucking cry for me baby. Shii-iit” he moaned.

You gasped when he caught one of your nipples in his mouth, leaving you brainless as he sucked and nipped at it until you were bucking against him. The smirk he gave you as he held your hips still against the wall made you whine, which quickly turned into a choked shout when he bit down on the opposite nipple hard.

“Pleeease, fuck!,” you whimpered, squirming as he continued to torture you, “Want to feel you throb inside of me, want you to cum so deep that it’s leaking out of me for days.”

Joel growled and lifted his head, looking at you with hooded eyelids when he finally pressed inside. He was slow, pausing with every inch to aid in the sting of his width and you could tell it was a struggle for him not to slam into you. The heat between the two of you grew, with both of you whining and panting into each other’s faces as he eased his way inside. It felt like Joel would never reach the end as he carefully carved out a ridiculous amount of space for himself inside of you until you could swear he was tickling your belly button from within.

“J-Joel, ooooh my god. Feel soooo big,” you croaked.

There was a slight pinch when he finally nestled himself all the way in, giving way to a mind numbing pressure that left you a boneless mess. Every throb of his cock was answered with a twitch from you, until the both of you were desperately clinging to each other against the tile. The tears that rolled down your cheeks were licked up by Joel before he kissed you and you moaned at the saltiness of his tongue. He hadn’t even moved yet but you were already so cockdrunk, licking messily into his mouth until he broke and sucked at your tongue.

When Joel finally pulled back, taking a second to watch the string of spit that connected you stretch and break, his irises were all but gone. Nothing but endless pools of black stared back at you, looking like they wanted nothing more but to tear you to pieces. He licked his lips absentmindedly and you whimpered at the action, needy for him to give you something, anything.

“Tell me whatcha need sweet girl, swear that I’ll give ya anything,” Joel uttered, his eyes roving all over your flushed face as he kept his hips still.

“Want to feel you, n-need it alpha,” you whimpered into his ear, breaking his last resolve in an instant.

You whined as Joel started at a determined pace, digging himself deeper and deeper until your legs were shaking at the sharp bursts of stinging pleasure he was ripping from you. His hips never faltered as he stayed locked into the crook over your neck, muttering dirty words of encouragement that were driving you absolutely wild. Slick poured from your core, wetting his thighs as his balls forcefully slapped against your ass with a sticky thwap, thwap, thwap.

“How’s it feel having me so deep honey? Can feel how tight she’s getting just from my cock, you gonna cum already?,” he sneered, grinding himself up into you even harder to hear your high pitched squeal.

The way your pussy spasmed around him would have been embarrassing enough, but it was the lewd noises that he pulled from your core that were the icing on top. When you didn’t answer his words, he slapped your thigh to get your attention, ripping a garbled cry from you that made him smirk.

“Hmmm…I always try to play nice but she likes it when I’m mean, doesn’t she?”

You shook your head, “L-Like both, just want you. Always want you, so so bad.”

Joel’s devilish grin turned soft and he leaned forward to kiss your cheek, knocking his nose against yours. When he pulled away, you noticed how his eyes were bright and lively again, any thoughts of the past lost in the throes of pleasure. With your heart fluttering at his affection, you were a mess of love and lust when he started to pick up the pace. Drunk off of him, you couldn’t help but release all the wanton moans that you had been holding back for weeks and Joel followed suit.

“Oh shit, that’s it, that’s it, that’s fucking it baby. Whose pussy is this darling? Who takes care of her, makes her fucking cum, hm?” Joel grunted, his deep tenor echoing throughout the empty halls until you were sure anyone who happened to wander into the first floor would hear him.

“Y-you do, Joel, alpha, daddy, fuck! Pussy is yours, whenever you want - shit, she needs you, I-I need you,” you stammered, digging your nails into him harder.

Joel picked up the pace even more, slamming into you so fast and hard that all of the air was pushed from your lungs. You tried to gasp for oxygen but it was pointless, there was nothing to be done when Joel was bruising your cervix with his thick cock. His knot was already formed, teasing the tight hole that ached for him to be locked inside. Grinding down on it as well as you could with the way he had you pinned to the wall, you begged him to shove it inside. Joel pounded into your limp body, his moans sounding almost angry as he pummeled your poor pussy with all of his might. All you could do was grip his neck, locking your ankles around his lower back to keep from being fucked any further up the wall he had you pinned to.

“Oo-ooh honey, don’t know if you want me to do that here. Gonna be stuck on my cock for a while if I knot ya. Need to get some food into you and need t-”

You cut him off with a kiss, making an incredibly desperate noise as you tried and failed to get him to knot you. Joel was close to breaking, you could feel it in the way his thrusts got faster and harder with each heavy throb against your walls, but he just needed another push. When your fingers moved to his damp hair, pulling on the curls with enough pressure to make him whine, you knew he was almost done for, all he needed was the right motivation.

“Bet you want it too, know you wanna flood my cunt with your cum. Bet you want everyone in Jackson to know I’m yours, that it was J-Joel Miller who fucked me so good that I can’t even walk straight - fuck! - I want it, I fucking need it,” you said through pants.

His thrusts grew more erratic and you smiled at the way his eyes rolled into the back of his head at your words. However, any cockyness was lost when Joel opened them again, his jaw clenched in determination as he moved his thumb down the length of your body. When Joel reached your clit he pulled the hood back, exposing the hardened nub to the open air and rubbing harsh circles onto it. Intense bursts of pleasure radiated from your core and you snapped your head back so hard that your skull thumped against the tiles.

With Joel strumming at your clit, his chest hair rubbing against your raw nipples and his cock hitting the deepest part of your pussy with every thrust, there was nothing to do but hold on for dear life. Heat gathered between your legs and you shook at the intensity of it, slapping at his shoulders and clawing at his arms in an attempt to ground yourself. As the pleasure grew larger and larger with every thrust, so did the fear of it washing you away. You barely felt human, all you were was a vessel for pleasure that he could drill into whichever way he liked. You loved every second of it, but the force of the orgasm that barreled towards you was somewhat terrifying.

“S’okay baby girl, can feel ya trying to fight it. Christ honey, let it go. I’ve gotcha, let me have it,” Joel grunted.

And just like that you were gone, clenching down on him so hard that he was slamming into you even faster as it pushed him towards his own end. His brutal pace had you convulsing and shouting obscenities as he mercilessly drilled into you, ignoring the way that your nails drew blood as they scraped at his back. Slick poured from your core, your walls trying hard to beckon his knot inside. Joel growled and latched onto your neck with his teeth, biting at the delicate skin with his canines when he finally slammed it all the way inside.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, thank you, thank yooou,” you cried, yanking on his curls as you felt a hot torrent of cum pour into you.

He whined at that, grinding up into you as he released over and over again. You weren’t much better, having become a dead weight that twitched and whimpered with each unbearably intense wave of euphoria that washed over you. Joel ground his hips into the cradle of yours until he couldn’t stand it anymore, until the both of you were way too oversensitive to do much else other than hold each other against the cold tiles.

“Fuckin’ hell sweetheart,” Joel panted, “That was…”

You hummed and knocked your forehead against his, “Perfect, as per usual.”

The wide grin Joel gave you was brighter than any ray of sun and you swore it was probably the only thing that stood a chance of mending all of the cracks in your heart. You loved him like this, all soft and gooey from the connection the two of you shared during sex. He covered your face in kisses, mumbling the most heartbreakingly sweet words against your skin as you caught your breath.

“Alright honey, let’s get you cleaned up and then I’ll figure out a way to get us to bed,” Joel laughed, looking down at where you were still connected at the waist.

Nodding to him groggily, you let him shift you around as needed as he scrubbed the remaining dirt from your skin and hair with a diligence that made you laugh. He was so entirely focused on you that he didn’t notice that you were watching him, studying how he examined every inch of your skin with rapt attention. When he tried to turn off the stream of steadily cooling water, you stopped him, sleepily mumbling half cocked threats at him until he let you return the favor.

Joel grumbled about it, but you knew it was just for show. The careful circles you rubbed into his scalp made him lose the tough guy act and he immediately had to press you into the wall to keep from dropping you. By the time you were done cleaning all of the caked dirt and blood off of him, he was practically asleep standing up and you had to shake his shoulders to get him to rouse from his place in the crook of your neck.

“C’mon baby, time for bed,” you murmured and he sighed, nodding as he fixed his grip on your thighs to carry you out of the shower.

After an awkward attempt at toweling off, with his knot still angrily inflated inside of you, Joel picked you up from the sink and brought you into the bedroom. He eased himself onto the bed, groaning at how easily his body sunk into the plush mattress. Joel moved you onto your side, cocooning you in his warmth as he pulled you into his embrace and you couldn’t help but snuggle into the blazing heat that radiated off of him.

“Rest sweet girl, we’re okay now,” he sighed and you hugged his arms tighter in response.

Sleep clawed at your eyelids and as much as you wanted to fight it, to stay awake so that you could plan out exactly how you were going to tell him about the uncertain future you were struggling to hide, it creeped up and dragged you into the abyss. But just before you fell asleep, you felt him press a kiss under your ear.

“It might not be home, but that’s okay. We’re safe and we have each other. That’s all I care about baby, just me and you for the rest of my days,” Joel sighed.

You wanted to answer him, to ask if there would ever be space in his heart for another person, one that might share his DNA, but sleep took over before you could. As you drifted in his arms, dreams about brown eyed babies and resentful mates haunted you, ensuring that you would remain unrested for another day.

- Joel -

A shrieking wail echoed throughout the house and Joel blearily stumbled towards it. The halls of his home were freezing and he gritted his teeth, trying to remember a time when Austin had been so cold this time of year. Abandoned children’s toys were scattered all throughout the hall, creating an impossible obstacle course for him to trip over in his barely conscious state.

“M’coming honey, just hold on,” Joel called, kicking a bunch of Polly Pockets out of the way so that he could skid to a stop in front of the familiar door that was painted with pink flowers.

Instead of finding what he had assumed would be there, which was Sarah wailing in her crib for a bottle, he was shocked to find a curly haired pre teen grinning down at a baby he didn’t know. Or at least, he didn’t think he knew them. He tried to place the baby but couldn’t, he wasn’t even sure the gender as they were swaddled tightly in a yellow blanket, with only the little sausage arms loose to reach up at his first born.

“So cute, don’t ya think so dad? Can’t believe you’re doing this again,” Sarah said, grinning at him with a knowing look on her face as she turned from the crib.

A snort came from the corner of the room and he spun around, gasping at the sight of Ellie in the old rocking chair his mom had passed down to him, the one he had rocked Sarah in every night as a baby. In the blink of an eye, the baby in the crib was suddenly in her arms and she smirked at him as she held the bundled up infant with the utmost care.

“I mean, it took him long enough. Both of us are gone and that’s when he decides that this is a good idea? Fucking incredible timing old man, waited until all the potential babysitters were five feet under,” Ellie joked, her voice filled with sarcasm.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. What’s happening right now?,” Joel stuttered.

Sarah walked a few steps over to him, smiling despite the blood that started to stain her pink shirt. He gulped, a cold sweat breaking out all over his body as the red splotch grew bigger and bigger. She didn’t seem to notice the wounds that had killed her, the wounds he couldn’t save her from. Instead, Sarah stood in front of him smiling, with blood stained teeth and a pierced abdomen. The last thing Joel wanted to do was watch his first born bleed out all over the thick carpet he had lovingly chosen for her room, but it was preferable than looking over at Ellie. He wasn’t sure he could handle seeing the inside of her skull again.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you miss us?,” Sarah chided.

Her sweet voice was no consolation for the red bubbles that formed in her mouth and Joel felt his stomach lurch at the sight. Tears blurred his vision, so much so that he was startled when Sarah suddenly grabbed his face and pulled his chin down until he met her eye.

“Aw look at him, scared shitless,” Ellie snickered, cooing at the bundle that was in her arms when it started to fuss again.

Sarah chuckled, “Well, do you blame him? His track record so far isn’t great, two for two is pretty bad.”

Joel’s heart pounded in his chest, shaking his ribcage from the force of it as he bit at the inside of his mouth to keep the sobs from spilling from his lips. Usually in his dreams, Sarah just died as she had 24 years ago. Or sometimes, she traded places with Ellie and vice versa. Each death he had to endure was horrific but none were like this, where the bloodied ghost of his first daughter teamed up on him with his open skulled ghost of his second. And the baby? Well, he had no idea what that was about.

“I-I don’t understand. What’s going on?,” Joel spat out through wheezing breaths.

When Sarah’s open palm touched his chest it was cold, so cold that it made his skin crawl. The guilt was suffocating as he watched her try to comfort him, with her still uncaring of the way she bled steadily onto the floor. He chanced a glance at Ellie and choked on a sob, shaking when he saw what he already knew would be there.

“Cool it man, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” Ellie sighed.

Blood poured from the opening in her skull, drenching her face and the blanketed baby with it. Joel wanted to reach out, to take the child from her so that it could be saved from all the gore. He didn’t know why but he had the strong urge to protect the kid, to preserve its innocence in a way he could not do with his daughters.

“You’re going to have to let it go ya know. If you’re going to be there for her, then we can’t be the first thing on your mind. We don’t need you anymore, they do,” Ellie stated.

Joel blinked and turned back towards Sarah. She nodded in agreement, beaming up at him even though all of the color in her face had been drained out with her blood.

“She’s right, you gotta move on. We’ll still be around, but you can’t make your entire life about us anymore. It wouldn’t be fair,” Sarah confirmed.

He shook his head. As much as he tried to understand the point they were trying to make, nothing came to mind. Bewildered by their ominous words, Joel threw his arms up in the air in frustration. The fear and disgust he had felt was still there, except now overpowered by pure annoyance at their lack of clarity. When had either of his girls shown any interest in speaking in riddles? Is this what they had been doing all this time, plotting ways to fuck with him in his dreams?

“I don’t know what the hell either of you are talkin’ bout,” Joel groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as his head began to pound.

Ellie laughed, “Oh boy, don’t you worry, you’ll figure it out soon enough. Reality is going to kick you in the fucking ass dude.”

Sarah snorted at Ellie’s howling laughter and he blinked, his eyes shifting back and forth between the two dead teens until his brain felt like it was going to explode. His stomach lurched, mouth watering as he tried to keep himself from puking all over Sarah’s room, and he mindlessly rubbed at it through his shirt. He tried to focus on the forgotten posters on the walls, the books on the bookshelf, the finer details of the carpet, anything to distract himself from the way his mouth filled with water.

“S’okay dad,” Sarah chuckled, “You’ll be fine, just try not to overthink it.”

Joel didn’t have time to answer her, the second that he opened his mouth to respond he was cut off by a wailing cry. As the baby screamed in Ellie’s arms, Sarah drifted over and began to coo at the bundle. More blood stained the yellow sheets and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Joel tried to hold on to them, to keep himself inside the bizarre dream world so that he could beg them for the meaning behind their words, but he couldn’t. All he could do was swallow the bile that gathered in his esophagus as he was launched back into consciousness, the orange glow of the sunset burning his retinas as a cold sweat poured down his face.

He rubbed at his eyes until his vision was speckled with black dots, groaning from the ear splitting headache that formed at the base of his skull. When he had finally carried the two of you to bed a few hours earlier, he had never thought to close the curtains and Joel quickly found himself stumbling into the bathroom to puke away his startling dream. With the measly portions he had on the road completely out of his system, his retching was pointless, as nothing but sour bile came from his stomach.

Joel groaned and spat into the toilet, breathing in and out a few times to stop the wicked case of the spins he had. When his vision righted itself, he stood and padded over to the sink. After pilfering through a few drawers, he found a toothbrush and some chalky toothpaste and got to work scrubbing his mouth clean. The last thing he needed was you getting a whiff of vomit on his breath when you leaned in to give him a morning kiss.

When he was done improving his oral hygiene, Joel turned the faucet to the sink, splashing his face and neck with an icy blast of freezing water. His nerves had been rubbed raw over the past few weeks, making his entire body clench from the sting of the cold. When the slick sheen of sweat was washed from his upper half, he pulled his head out of the sink to examine himself. To his surprise, aside from the drops of water running down his face and the dark circles around his eyes, he looked absolutely fine. Given everything that Joel had experienced, he half expected for some of Sarah’s blood to be still smeared on his cheek.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he cussed, shaking himself out of it before the fucked up dream dragged him into the depths of despair.

All he wanted at that moment, or rather what he needed, was to fall back into bed with you. Joel knew that the only person that could pull him from the brink of destruction was you, every single time. It didn’t matter that you were likely still dead asleep, seeing you snuggled into the piled of soft sheets would be enough. Nevertheless, when he turned back into the bedroom to search for you amongst the cozy heap, he came up empty. Not only that, he found that your side was cold. Grimacing at your absence, Joel threw on a pair of boxers, turning on his heel to search for you.

The upstairs was empty, save for some pilfered through closets that you had apparently already torn through. Pieces of clothing, a few toiletries, towels, blankets, and a measly pile of expired cleaning products sat on the bed in one of the spare rooms. His brow furrowed as he crept through the halls, noting how each room had a little pile of treasures for him to find. How long had you been up searching through the past owner’s things? By the looks of it, for the majority of the afternoon.

Leaving the second floor, he took the creaky wooden staircase to the entryway, coming face to face with a version of you he had yet to become acquainted with; the frenzied homemaker. More blankets were arranged into piles on the coffee table and there was a stoked fire that blazed in the fireplace, covering the first floor in a cloak of comfort that barely reached the second. No wonder he had been so cold in his dream, the draft that seeped in through the poorly wrapped windows upstairs had chilled even Joel.

Every inch of the space had been wiped clean of any dust and all the throw pillows had been fluffed. Even the bulbs in some of the light fixtures had been changed and he balked at the new additions to the chandelier in the entryway, scratching the back of his head as he tried to figure out how the hell you had got up there.

The same thing was true for the piano room. The books had been rearranged and the veil of time had been swept away, leaving behind a tidy room that looked well loved but clean. The abandoned dishes in the dining room had also been taken away and the chairs had been tucked away neatly, making him halt in the doorway. He stood there silently, wondering like hell why you would do such a thing. There was no definitive timeline on how long the two of you would be staying here, but he had never once thought to tidy up.

Joel had never been one to lay down roots before he found the cabin that had served as his solitary confinement for four years. His apartment in the Boston QZ had been stocked with the essentials he needed, all of his things stored in such a way that he could leave at the drop of a hat. It had taken a lot for him to begin to build a home in the woods and with everything so spick and span, the place he was in looked like a real home. It looked like a place that an honest man could come home to every night, but he wasn’t sure he wanted that.

This wasn’t about Joel’s choice of mate, he’d go anywhere with you, it was about Jackson itself. It was the town he had abandoned twice, with both times being for wildly different reasons. Staying here was not something he had ever wanted to do and Joel had believed you felt the same. As his worries spiraled out of control, he tried to keep himself from overreacting. Afterall, there was nothing wrong with you making the place a little more comfortable. If anything, the house could serve as a sort of oasis for the both of you within the belly of the beast itself.

There was no telling how long it would take for Paul’s men to stop tracking you, and he had no idea whether or not Aspen’s crew were the type to take revenge but he didn’t want to find out. As much as he hated to admit, Joel wasn’t sure if the cabin would ever be a viable option again but that still didn’t change how he felt about the commune. Again, he’d go anywhere with you, just as long as it would be far away from the mess he had made while grieving.

A loud bang caught his attention, pulling him from his thoughts. Joel hurried towards the kitchen, the smell of sickly sweet cleaning products making his nose scrunch up as his long legs carried him towards the door.

When he walked through the yellow frame that was adorned with the heights of children ticked along the inside, he wasn’t sure what to expect. But the view he was confronted with certainly blew any thoughts he had out of the water. With a sponge in hand and a pail of sudsy water by your side, you angrily scrubbed at the tiles, treating them as though they had somehow offended you. He was at a loss for words at the sight. Sweat beaded at your hairline and rolled down your face, wetting the collar of his abandoned shirt.

Joel softened at the sight of you in his shirt. It was the same one he had on for days and was likely drenched in his sweat, along with other things, but you had decided to wear it anyway. His heart panged at the sight, knowing that you would only covet his scent like this if you were upset about something. The sponge plopped into the water, making some of it slosh over the side and dampen your bruised knees, and he watched as you pulled the fabric up to your nose to huff at it.

“Oh honey, couldn’t sleep?,” he asked, breaking you from the thoughts that were turning your eyes glossy.

You sighed at him and lifted yourself from the ground with an audible grunt, limbs so heavy from exhaustion that you swayed a bit with the effort. Joel darted forward and grabbed your hand, helping you gain a bit of stability before you face planted on the freshly scrubbed floor. He made an indignant noise when you pushed away, legs still shaky as you used the counter for support instead of him.

“I kept having dreams so I came down here, didn’t want to bother you with my tossing and turning,” you shrugged.

Joel scratched the back of his head. As if you could ever bother him.

“So you decided to go all Betty Crocker on me in the meantime?,” he joked.

“I didn’t like the place the way it was, it was too dusty and depressing. That’s all Joel, no need to get all up in arms about it. Besides, I didn’t really do THAT much,” you grumbled, picking at a scrape on your arm instead of looking at him.

Joel cocked his head at that and sarcastically whirled his head around the room, cocking an eyebrow at how every surface gleamed from your efforts. From the looks of it, every square inch of the place had been scoured. He was about to crack a joke, wanting nothing more than to soften the crease between your eyebrows that often came out when you were annoyed at him, but he resisted when he saw the way your hands were shaking.

He wasn’t sure what to say, Joel had never seen you aggravated enough to tear through the cabin like you were some sort of crazed housekeeper. From the second the two of you had solidified your bond, all of the chores started being completed together. That was the deal. And although Joel was known to maybe sneak in a few extra tasks when you weren’t looking, a habit he could never seem to grow out of, he had never cleaned for hours on end. The closest he had come to that was when his rut had driven him outside, where he would put up a ridiculous amount of fencing to ward off intruders until you came out and dragged him back in.

“Looks real nice in here baby, thank you,” he said, treading very carefully as he added, “Could’ve left some for me, I would’ve loved to help.”

You waved him off and Joel sucked his teeth, watching as you scurried back to the floor and picked up the sponge again. Looking around the sunset stained kitchen, he noticed how the floor gleamed in the orange glow of the dying day. Anyone who happened to stroll in the room would have been able to see that the floor was clean, but you didn’t.

Joel wasn’t sure what to do, but he knew that he needed to get you to stop cleaning, if only for a moment so that he could ask you if you were okay. He needed you to look at him for more than two seconds without darting back to your tasks, to pull you from this spiral before you passed out from the effort.

Carefully, as if he was approaching a spooked horse, Joel tiptoed over and dropped down so that he was on his knees alongside you. He waited patiently, biding his time until you reached into the bucket to wet the sponge to stop you. Pressing his thick fingers into the sides of your palm, he forced your hand to spring open so that you were forced to drop the sponge into the suds.

“Wha - Why?,” you stammered, having not noticed him crouch down beside you.

Joel turned your face towards him, cupping it and giving you the softest look he could muster given his growing alarm. You gazed back at him, the light sheen of sweat making you glimmer in the light of the kitchen, highlighting the heavy bags under your eyes. As you blinked at him in confusion, he smiled and pressed a soft kiss to your nose.

“Sweetheart, it’s clean. You’ve cleaned the whole house, it’s done,” he mumbled, brushing his thumb over the stray tear that fell from your eye.

The whimper you released at his hushed words plucked at his heart strings and Joel made a comforting noise in return. You leaned into him and he accepted your weight against his front, letting your scent blanket him in security despite the worry he felt. Which was funny, he was supposed to be the one comforting you, not the other way around.

Something was riling you up, making you nervous enough to nest like a maniac despite the obvious exhaustion that deepened all of your frown lines and sucked the spark out of your soul. Joel wondered briefly if it was your heat but ultimately decided against it. Surely, his own loins would be stirring to life if yours were calling out for him to fuck you.

He sighed, “Come on baby, let me fuss over ya a bit.”

To Joel’s surprise, you didn’t fight him when he pulled you from the floor. Instead, you threw your arms around his neck and wrapped your legs around his hips. He grunted at the effort to lift the both of you from the ground, but managed to right himself before he fell over. Your face burrowed into the crook of his neck, snuffling at the sweaty skin with all of your might.

He didn’t try to pry you from the gland that oozed his scent or overwhelm you with questions, instead Joel let you hang off of his body like a tree squirrel as he moved around the room. He sighed when you nibbled on the skin, pressing another kiss into your hair as he reheated the stew from the dining hall. As the smell of the beefy broth and hearty vegetables filled the air, your stomach growled with such ferocity that he felt your abdomen shudder against him and he tsked. Joel knew he should’ve made you eat before bed but he was too tired to see it through. He prayed that you were willing to finally eat something of substance, rather than just picking at a granola bar before you inevitably handed it off to him.

Joel had been going nuts from your newly acquired eating habits. The alpha in him was screaming at him to force you to eat, to protect you from yourself by cramming the food that he had provided into your mouth, but he couldn’t do that. Joel wasn’t that type of man to force a partner into anything and given the conversation the two of you had about family, the last thing you needed was him getting in your face about food. The scars your mother had left were blurred from time, but they were still there. He saw glimpses of them in the way you still shied away from his gaze on the days where you felt low and how you would sometimes get uncomfortable if he brushed his hands over your curves.

When the stew was finally done, he poured it into one gigantic bowl and plopped a spoon into it. Joel strolled out of the kitchen and into the living room, juggling you on his hip with the steaming bowl in his hands. He could’ve asked you to hold the soup, or ask you to get down to walk to the couch on your own, but he didn’t. Joel needed to dote on you just as badly as you needed to be doted upon. It was an easy back and forth, a cyclical relationship where the thing that one of you cried out for was always what the other needed to give.

Joel sat on the couch, sighing at the feeling of his ass sinking into the colorful blankets you had covered it with. The splash color that you forced into the room with the blankets looked slightly strange against the dark walls, but it made the corners of his mouth twitch in delight nonetheless. He knew how much you liked bright colors, recalling how much more homey his little cabin had gotten when you arrived, replacing all the practical throws with pinks, blues, and yellows to breathe life back into the place. And as he sat with you in his lap, Joel wanted to cry when he saw how you had brightened up this space for him.

With you straddling him and nosing at his jaw, Joel felt like he could fall into another deep sleep but he pinched himself awake. You whined when he pulled your head back, your high pitched pleas only stopping after he gave you a sharp look. Joel’s instincts were in full swing, ensuring that any protest from you would be shot down until the bowl of stew was gone and your belly was full. He refused to even dignify it with a response. He didn’t say anything, just quietly challenged your pleading look until you took the spoon from his hand.

“Share it with me?,” you asked sweetly and he smiled, nodding as he remembered how the both of you had used the sentiment a few times before.

The stew was good, with the carrots, potatoes, and onion melting in his mouth as he swallowed down his portion. The meat was drier than chicken or beef, with an earthy taste that resembled the more robust tasting deer, but it still filled his belly in a way that the rations and expired granola bars hadn’t been. And you seemed to like it too, humming around each bite he handed to you. He would watch as you swallowed it down, monitoring you for any sign of discomfort or refusal, and then you would grab the spoon to return the favor. It kept going like that, a full spoon going back and forth until the bowl was completely empty.

Joel groaned when he placed the bowl on the coffee table, feeling as though he was about to bust a stitch in his boxers from how full he was. He sat back against the plush cushions and smiled as you wiped at the corner of his mouth with your thumb, dislodging a stray fleck of food from his mustache with a giggle.

“Feeling better darling?,” Joel drawled, rubbing circles into your hips and thighs.

Humming at his ministrations, you nodded and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, I am. I’ve been feeling so shitty that I didn’t even realize how hungry I was. I -,” you halted, swallowing with an audible gulp before you whispered, “I don’t know, I haven’t been feeling myself.”

Joel nodded, understanding where you were coming from. He hadn’t exactly been all sunshine and lollipops either, not that he ever was. For days he had been worried sick about you and although his worries were at times understandable, like when a cult was trying to fucking eat you, most of his worries had been due to him being terrified to lose you again. The worries had built up over time, exhausting him during the day and ensuring he wouldn’t rest the night after.

“Know whatcha mean honey, I haven’t been myself either. Been too worried about ya and I reckon you’ve been just as worried as me,” he drawled.

You nodded, looking down at your lap for a second before you chanced a glance back up at him. Joel tried to keep his face neutral, to not scare you off with how desperate he felt in that moment. He needed you to look at him, to tell him what was bothering you so that he could fix it once and for all. It didn’t matter the price of an answer, Joel would tear off of his own skin to ensure that he got it. He was just about to start begging for it when you looked up at him, stealing the breath from his lungs. Any scrap of your attention, no matter the type or duration, would never be enough for him.

“I… I want something,” you whispered.

Pinching his eyebrows together, he nodded. Whatever you needed, Joel would get it for you. If it made you happy, if it kept you from tearing through the house again like some deranged housecleaner, he would make it happen.

“Anything sweet girl, just ask me. I’ll give you anything ya want, I swear,” Joel urged you, anxiously pressing his hands a bit harder into your thighs.

“I - I want you to touch me again like… like you did before but this time I want you to do it um… softly please,” you mumbled, with your voice so quiet that his good ear strained to catch all of it.

Joel balked at that. Were you not having fun in the shower? He could’ve sworn that you had enjoyed it, or at least it seemed like your pussy had with the way it had clenched down on him so hard that it nearly hurt him. Doubts and self consciousness crept up from the more insecure part of him but Joel vehemently shoved it all down. If you hadn’t had fun then he needed to know exactly what he could do to fix it.

“M’sorry honey, I thought you liked it. If I’m ever doing something ya don’t like, don’t just take it. For Christ’s sake, tell me. Don’t let me go on flopping around on top of you like some sort of dipshit, I want it to be fun for BOTH of us,” he implored.

You smiled and shook your head, a flush crawling up your neck.

“N-No, I had a lot of fun Joel. That was perfect, I-I just…” you stalled, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth.

The catch in your voice caught his attention, dissolving any bit of self consciousness in an instant. Joel grabbed your jaw and pulled your chin down, releasing the battered flesh before you had a chance to chew through it again. He tsked at your whine, flashing his eyes at your pointless defiance as he brushed the sweaty strands from your face.

“Tell me,” he said.

A beat passed before you spoke up again.

“I know I might be annoying you right now Joel, but I just want to feel you close to me. When I woke up from my dream, you had rolled away and I don’t know… I just need you to be as close as possible. I-I - You know what? Forget it, sorry for asking,” you stammered, growing increasingly impatient with yourself with each syllable.

Joel gasped at the statement. He had never once thought you were annoying. Too ballsy for your own good? Sure. Stubborn as hell? You betcha. An absolute menace when you wanted to push his buttons? Oh, most definitely. But annoying? No, he would never say that about the woman that had given him everything that he never knew he needed.

“Oh hun, you’re not annoying me. You could never, I love you. If I’m dead asleep and you want me to hold ya, just wake my dumb ass up. It doesn’t matter how late it is, just wake me, even if ya gotta smack me. Please just… tell me you will next time,” he begged.

You sighed, twisting your hands together nervously before you agreed, “Okay Joel, I will.”

He smiled and grabbed your hands, kissing the backs of them sweetly until the corners of your mouth curved upwards.

“Now, how about we do something to make you feel more comfortable?,” Joel drawled, earning a slightly more chipper nod from you.

Which led Joel to where he was now, buried deep inside of your tight cunt with your walls clenching around him. His neck was warmed by your breath as you sucked on the mark under his ear, rendering him boneless from your ministrations. Joel’s hands were gripping your hips hard, holding you still against him as you soaked his lap with slick.

He had been at this for the past hour, enjoying the feel of your body enveloping him in every possible way. It was the sweetest form of torture, to be housed inside of you but unable to pummel your walls until you screamed. At first it had been you that was desperate, but as soft fingers rubbed circles into his scalp, he had to stop himself from rutting up into you.

“Joel,” you sighed, pulling away to look him in the eye.

Gazing at him with flushed cheeks and swollen lips, a bit of drool glimmering from the corner of your mouth, you looked absolutely cockdrunk. Joel was dazed, so lost in the unbearably tight, twitching grip that massaged his cock that he didn’t even realize you were talking until you had finished. You raised an eyebrow at him when he didn’t answer, rolling your eyes at how fucked out he probably seemed.

“Sorry honey, what was that?,” Joel drawled.

You laughed and he groaned as your walls clenched with every sharp intake of breath. Joel’s hips mindlessly ground up into the cradle of yours in response, making you gasp and narrow your eyes at him.

“I was saying how nice this feels, I’ve missed having you without having to worry about anything ruining it,” you replied.

Joel lazily smiled, his eyes twinkling and heart fluttering at the sentiment. He felt the same. For weeks he had been worried about anyone or anything barging in to ruin any bit of pleasure that he managed to squeeze out of you when the need became too much for him to ignore. The gift of the secluded home in Jackson was not lost on him. When Joel had arrived, he thought that the two of you would be forced to bunk with either your family or his, due to the simple fact that he didn’t plan on staying for long. But to be given a huge home with enough privacy to fuck you in every single room? Well, that was a godsend.

“Know whatcha mean darling, I’ve missed it too. Love having ya all to myself,” he cooed, ghosting his lips over your face before he landed a hard kiss on your mouth.

You hummed into the kiss, holding his stubbled cheeks in your hands and letting him devour your mouth. Joel groaned when you sucked on his bottom lip, nibbling on it so that all of the blood rushed to the surface and gave his mouth a rosy glow. With your pussy soaking his lap, growing warmer and tighter with each flick of your tongue against his, Joel was close to losing it. Luckily for him, it was you that broke this time.

“Joel, I want you,” you moaned, grinding down on him with circular motions that had the power to bring any man to his knees.

He hissed and stilled your hips, taking a moment to right himself when he felt his balls begin to tighten up. Your whimper made him sigh in frustration, the sound making his stomach clench, and he slapped your ass in return. When your walls tightened up at the feeling of his palm meeting your ass, Joel groaned in frustration. Slick poured from your core as the pain of his spank turned to pleasure, the desperate noises you made making him have to chew on the inside of his torn up cheek to keep himself from exploding.

“Yeah baby?,” Joel panted, “Well, you’ve got me already. Is there anything else you want?”

“Want you to hold me, to fuck me. Please, I can’t ignore it anymore, I need you so fucking bad that it huurts,” you keened.

That was all Joel needed to hear. In an instant, he was throwing your legs over his shoulders, rendering you absolutely useless as you wrapped your arms around his neck to keep from falling back against his thighs. His hands moved to grip your asscheeks, pulling them apart as he moved you up and down his cock. Every time you took him to the hilt, Joel made sure to ground you down against him in a way that hit every sensitive spot inside. The sounds that came from you were so loud and desperate that if it weren’t for the way your pussy was gushing around him, drenching the soft hair on the inside of his thighs and staining the couch, he would have thought you were in pain.

“Oh my god, fuuuuuuck, you’re so deep,” you whined, fingernails digging into the nape of his neck until they left crescent moons in his heated skin.

Joel grunted in response, sweat beading at his hairline as he continued to use you like his own personal fuck toy. When your knees started to shake over his shoulders, he hissed as a fresh wave of slick coated him. His deep strokes made your pussy squelch around him and Joel had to move his face to the side to suck bruises into the soft skin on your thighs, focusing solely on placing purple marks all over to keep himself from cumming.

He couldn’t even look at you, not with the way your head was thrown back in pleasure, your beautiful body on full display for his hungry eyes. Everything about you was sexy, from the hardened nipples that begged to be sucked by him, to the delicious curve of your neck he constantly wanted to bite at, to the fat that sat on your hips that he wanted nothing more than to worship with his kisses.

Joel’s cock begged for release, pulsing and throbbing with an increasing insistence, and he whined. At this point his balls were tightened up so much, so ready for release, that they were practically in his body. All of the muscles in his abdomen were clenched, itching to launch him into euphoria at any second as he desperately thought of anything he could to fend off his release.

Joel thought of the time Tommy stole all of his clothes while he showered at the community pool in Texas, forcing him to streak to the truck, only to realize that the asshole had also taken the keys from his bag when he got to it. He thought of all the stupid shit jokes Ellie had told him once upon a time. He thought of the mom that commandeered the PTA meetings at Sarah’s school who yelled at Joel for not making sure that the lemonade was sugar free. He thought of the time Tess had to dig a bullet out of his side without anything to numb the pain, anything to keep himself from knotting you.

“P-Please baby, shit! Fu-uck, need, need, I need,” you babbled, shaking in his hold.

Joel groaned at the way you yanked at his overgrown curls, causing sparks of pain to turn into the most delicious form of pleasure that almost broke his resolve. He growled as you continued to ramble, your words tainted with filth and unbridled lust. To silence your dangerous whines, he stuck his thumb into your mouth and pressed down on your tongue, making your eyes roll into the back of your head as you gagged on it.

“Here ya go sweetheart, I know what she needs. Always know what she likes, don’t I?,” Joel cooed, pulling his soaked digit from your mouth.

He pinched your clit between his thumb and forefinger, making you jump and squeal. The way your pussy tightened up even more made his cock jump and he quickly started rubbing vicious circles on the nub that made you convulse in his hold. Unfortunately for him, with the thumb removed from your mouth, there was no holding back the animalist groans and grunts that poured from your lips. Your words had been replaced with high pitched whines and desperate whimpers, all of which were answered by mind breaking strokes from him.

Joel wanted to capture all of your sounds, to keep them in a drawer for later so that he could rub himself raw at the sound of your desperation for him. If cell phones still existed, he was sure that your moans would make the perfect ringtone for him. Not that he would ever dare let anyone hear you like this, these sounds were for him and him alone. It was him, Joel Miller, that was fucking you this good. Nobody else would ever get the chance. His possessiveness over you was a primal sort of obsession and only added to the growing flames, making his gut burn from the tension.

“Joel, Joel, Joel, JOEL!,” you screamed, convulsing in his lap as you finally came around him.

The waves of your orgasm were so intense that you were practically launched into space, squirming and crying as he continued the filthy grind inside of you and the brutal circles on your clit. He grunted, his insides screaming for him to lock himself inside of you, to let you milk his cock, but he refrained. Joel wanted to work you through it, to squeeze every bit of pleasure from your sensitive core that he could. If you were fucked well enough, maybe then you would finally stay asleep. He was so focused on helping you ride out your orgasm that he didn’t even notice that you were about to fall off the edge again.

“Oh fuck, I can’t again. Please Joel, ohmyfuckingod yes, yes, yes!,” you shouted, eyes rolling backwards as he continued to fuck you through it.

Joel hissed as your pussy tightened again, the slick sounds increasing each time he brought you down hard against him. Blood trickled into his mouth as his teeth finally chewed through his cheek but he didn’t care, all he cared about was making you cum one last time before he locked himself inside of you for the night. This time he wouldn’t make the same mistake as before, this time he was going to keep you knotted until he was sure you would relax. Even if it took all night to fuck you into a vegetative state, Joel didn’t care, he would do it. You were going to have a full sleep tonight and he was going to make sure of it.

“Such a good girl, taking me so well darling. God baby, you’re so fucking sexy like this. You gonna cum for me? F-Fuck honey, cum for me, cum for me, cum for me,” he chanted, pressing his lips into the valley of your heaving breasts.

When Joel moved his face to the left, nosing at the underside of your breast for a moment before he bit down on your taut nipple and you shrieked. Crying out his name over and over again like it was a prayer, you sprayed him with your juices as your pussy clamped down on him so tightly that he couldn’t help how hard he slammed his knot all the way inside. You screamed at the force of it, releasing another torrent of slick into his lap. His vision blurred for a second but he resisted the urge to close his eyes, too enraptured with the way you arched against him so perfectly.

“Fuuuuuuuuck Joel, you feel s’good daddy, so fucking good,” you sobbed.

Tears rolled down your cheeks in fat globs, a flush breaking out on your face and chest as you cried so openly. Joel panted through his orgasm, exploding again and again at the sight of you so thoroughly fucked out. Each wave that crashed into you made you buck and scream, tearing at him with your nails and teeth as your pussy milked him of every single drop of cum he had. And he could do nothing but watch, completely enamored with the way you looked glimmering in sweat as you cried out for him.

When it was finally done, when the final dregs of his seed had been drained by your slick heat, he gathered you in his arms and laid back against the cushions. You were suctioned to his chest, too weak to fight as he forced you to lay against him.

“Joel,” you sniffed, still quivering with the aftershocks of your orgasm.

He hummed and moved his hand up to cup the back of your neck, pressing your face into his burly chest so that you snuggle against the blazing heat that emanated off of him. You whined but acquiesced, burrowing your face into him with a sigh. Joel felt your tears splatter over the wide expanse of his chest, allowing you to quietly cry it out as he lovingly brushed his hands over your back.

“Everything is gonna be just fine darling, I promise. We’re here, we’re alive, and we’re together. Nothing else matters right now,” Joel whispered.

A pregnant pause filled the room and he waited with baited breath for you to agree but no response came. Joel tsked at your silence and flipped the two of you over, making you gasp at the sudden movement that caused sharp bursts of overstimulating pleasure to radiate from your knotted pussy. He hissed at the feeling of another weak orgasm rushing through him, quietly apologizing for the abrupt switch before he hardened his gaze again.

“Alright princess, that’s enough. You’re gonna tell me what’s making ya pitch a fit over nothing and you’re gonna tell me now,” Joel commanded, even lowering his voice a few octaves to add to the effect.

You sighed, deflating a little under the scrutiny. He winced and pulled some of the heat from his gaze, unwilling to be the cause of whatever was ailing you. Brushing his hands over your hips, across the curve of your spine, and back down again, Joel bit his tongue while you warred with yourself over an answer suitable for his ears. He wished that you would stop doing that, censoring yourself on account of him, it was only making him more worried.

“I think I need to go to see the doctor here,” you said suddenly.

That certainty in your voice caught his attention. Panic rushed through Joel and he lifted himself up on his forearms, examining you with a hawk-like gaze for any sign of grievous injury. The bruising around your neck had softened, leaving only a few faint traces of green behind that would likely be healed within the next few days. Your ribs were still broken but the swelling was gone, along with the wilts that had been left behind by someone’s boots. And luckily your face, the face he held so dear to his heart, had been healed for the last week. Aside from a few nicks and scrapes, you looked relatively fine.

“Is everything alright? What hurts? Tell me and I can get you something for the pain. I mean, I might have to trade something for it but I’ll get it. Fuck it, I’ll beg Maria if I have to, just tell me and I’ll fix it,” Joel rushed out, barely pausing between words as he spiraled above you.

You groaned at his panicked state.

“Joel, stop freaking out. Look at me, I’m fine. I just uh…,” you trailed off.

He shook his head, “You just what?! Please honey, I need to know if you’re hurt.”

“Well, I thought that I should maybe see if they could um… Check my wrist? Yes! Yeah, I want them to look at my fucked up wrist,” you babbled, grasping for straws as you explained your reasoning for needing a trip to the clinic.

Joel nodded slowly, not quite believing your shaky explanation and nervous eyes, but unsure if he should push it. On one hand, your wrist had been dislocated and crunched under the grip of an attacker, leaving Joel to snap it back into place and wrap it in whatever shoddy gauze he could find. Since then, you had been ignoring the blackened marks and continuing to use it despite the discomfort he knew it caused you. Although he knew that you were right, you definitely needed to get it checked out by a medical professional, he couldn’t help but feel wary. You were lying to him, he felt it through the bond and could see it in your jump demeanor, he just couldn’t figure out why.

“Okay honey, we’ll get you to the clinic tomorrow morning. Best we get you checked out anyways, can’t have ya dyin’ on me,” he joked, deciding to drop it in lieu of starting an argument.

There was nothing more he’d rather do than force you to break, but Joel couldn’t do that. You were too beaten down, too tired, and too desperate for him to force you to talk about anything you didn’t want to. And plus, what did he really know about medicine, especially when it came to either the opposite sex or the opposite marker? Maybe it was something embarrassing that you needed from the clinic, something a female omega wouldn’t want to talk about with her mate? Joel hated the thought of you thinking he would care. Even if it was something other people would think was gross, he wouldn’t give a damn, he just wanted you to be healthy. Still, Joel also recognized that some boundaries needed to be respected in a partnership and so he dropped it.

When Joel accepted your bullshit excuse, no questions asked, you sighed and all of the tension left your body. He counted that as a win, smiling in relief as he dipped down to kiss you. Lips brushed together, tongues teasing one another as the fireplace crackled with heat that protected the two of you from the freezing winds outside. Legs wrapped around his back, trapping him and pulling him down so that his body was pressing you into the cushions.

“Mmphf baby, I’ll fall asleep on top of ya if you keep doing that,” Joel groaned, melting into you more and more as you played with his hair.

“Good, then you can’t roll away this time. Gonna keep you right here all night,” you mumbled.

He smiled and pecked your cheek, nuzzling his face into the side of yours as he draped himself over you even further.

“Okay, just kick me if you want me off,” Joel sighed, already halfway into a dream that was much sweeter than the one that had woke him.

You chuckled, “Will do, cowboy.”

And Joel was gone.

The incessant knocking had dripped into Joel’s dream, lifting him from the much needed rest he had been having with a ridiculous amount of persistence. He huffed in annoyance, grumbling to himself as he tried to blink away the morning sun that seeped in from cracks in the trees that shielded the inside of the house. You were none the wiser, bathed in light in such a way that you were glowing beneath him. Everything about you made him want to bare his teeth at whoever was at the door, to growl and spit until the unwanted guest finally left him and his mate alone, but Joel knew he couldn’t do that. He was on, as Maria put it, thin fucking ice, which meant he had to be on his best behaviour.

Joel eased himself off of you ever so carefully, pausing for a moment once he was peeled away to stare at your nude form in appreciation. Cum poured from your core when he finally pulled out, soaking your thighs and staining the blankets with a combined mix of slick and his own milky white seed. His cock twitched at the sight and another flurry of knocks landed against the old wood, tearing him from the fantasy of softly licking at your core, working you up slowly until you woke up cumming all over his face.

Forgoing the T-Shirt of his that you had been wearing last night, Joel threw on his boxers and covered you with one of the thicker knit blankets in case someone came barging in. If it was Tommy at the door, and he was pretty sure it was, he could probably convince him to stand outside with his appearance alone. There was no way his little brother, as annoying as he could be, would want a round two of what had happened at the ski lodge. And if it was Maria, well she seemed to go wherever the hell she wanted, but he was pretty sure she would allow you a moment to get decent at the very least.

“Alright, alright, m’coming Tommy. Don’t get your fucking panties in a twist,” Joel barked, unlatching the door and throwing it open before another knock could pull you from the sleep you desperately needed.

But instead of finding Tommy, Joel found a short woman with narrowed eyes who balked at his state of dress. He cussed under his breath, watching how her surprise morphed into rage as her gaze zeroed in on every scar that littered his body. The little puckered slits in Joel’s skin that marked where he had cheated death had covered his trunk for years, marking him as a threat to any omega who looked upon him. Any omega, until you came along and accepted him as is, but it seemed that your mother wasn’t quite as accepting of it.

She sucked her teeth at his appearance, looking like she was ready to attack him when she noticed the embarrassing slick stains on his boxers that undoubtedly came from you. Suddenly, Joel wanted nothing more but to slam the door in her face and march up the stairs, promptly throwing himself off of the balcony in the master bedroom to escape the shame she instilled in him. All he could think of was you in the other room, barely covered by a blanket and thoroughly fucked into a deep sleep by him. He hoped to God that you would wake up, scurrying off to get dressed before the terrifying woman in front of him could get past him.

“Ah, if it isn’t the product of my daughter’s excellent decision making skills. So good to see that you made it,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Nodding dumbly at her obvious statement, Joel was at a loss for words. She already despised him, that he knew from their brief encounters in the arena and during his escape, but he also knew that his appearance certainly wasn’t doing him any favors. Joel blanched when she tried to scooch into the mud room, rambling dumb excuses to slow her down, but your mother was much too quick. As any reasonable omega would, she used his size to her advantage and zig zagged her way past him with ease, while his long limbs caused him to fumble.

Joel almost tripped over himself trying to chase after her into the house, stumbling into the entrance way in an effort to stop her from seeing her daughter splayed out on the couch. However when he finally caught up to her, he saw that you were wide awake and staring down at the kerfuffle from the steps.

You were wrapped in the blanket he had thrown over you, blinking away sleep as your mother skidded to a stop in front of the stairs. The multi-colored blanket dragged along the floor, doing a poor job of keeping your breasts completely covered and he suddenly had the urge to lunge forward to shield you from her scowl. Joel watched as your mother’s mouth opened and closed, her face growing redder by the second. You cocked your head at the brutal woman when she clicked her tongue at you, raising an eyebrow at her silent judgment.

“Mom?”

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rr311 · 2 years

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╭﹐❣︎﹕ Racer’s Desire ﹒〣 ﹕‹𝟹 － 𝖤𝖱𝖤𝖭 𝖸．

music rec!. Chill Bill- Rob $tone (Ft J. Davis & Spooks)

Sex, Drugs, Etc. - Beach Weather

cw/tw. , smoking, weed, cussing, miscarriage, angst, panic attack, racer!blackreader, racer!eren, eren is a dick

summary. - he left. no warning, no note, no phone call or text— he just left, without a word to anyone. Till one night he showed up to a race meet surprising you which causes some..conflict.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐃 instantly went through my nose as i lit the blunt that was placed between my lips, taking a big inhale moving my attention back to whatever the hell was going on. I was met up at a street meeting with some of my members waiting till the event begins, i averted my eyes through the crowd to see what the competition brought and honestly— It looked like easy wins compared to us. I silently scoffed to myself as I took another inhale from the blunt still eyeing the crowd, I must've been too deep into thought to realize Isiah was calling for my attention.

Breaking eye contact with the crowd I turned my head to face the dread head with a raised brow. “Finally, I've been calling you for like— the past 30 seconds!” I only rolled my eyes, placing the weed stick back between my lips, inhaling the smoke into my mouth before removing it, exhaling it as i spoke, “You got my attention now what do you want.” Isiah raised his hands in the air with a grin planted on his face, “Woah there doll, there’s no reason to get so feisty,” I only grumbled under my breathe rolling my eyes as he laughed, “You better watch it Siah, (Y/N) might beat your ass again.” Chuckled Kai, Isiah gasped offensively as he placed a hand on his heart like he was hurt by what he said, “She never even beat my ass to begin with! She got a cheap blow and she knows it.” He huffed I once again rolled my eyes as I now sat up from leaning against my car with a scoff, “We all know i won that fight Siah, stop tryna make it seem like I cheated. Just admit you’re a terrible fighter when it comes to me.” Isiah just grumbled under his breath rolling his eyes. “Man whatever. Back to what I was saying, tonight’s races are gonna be interesting.” I raised a brow, “How so? And it bet not be one of those cat fights again,” Isiah shook his head in an instant with a grin on his face, “Nope! It’s more than that.” That piqued all of our curiosity, I nodded my head a little. “Okay then, just spit it out Isiah we don’t have all goddamn night.” Marci grumbled out, “Okay okay! Let’s just say a certain brown head is entering a challenge race between Suki, Aj and (Y/N) later tonight.” I froze upon just hearing him say “brown head” instantly knowing who he meant.

There was only one brown head i know and that’s..

Eren fucking Jaeger.

A 24 year old cocky bastard that caused many problems with many different people. Including you, so hearing he was showing his face again after two long fucking years excited you but also angered you. You were excited to see him again but also pissed off that he has some nerve to come back acting like nothing happened when he straight up left you. “Ah, so the jackass Eren Jaeger is finally showing his face again?” Kai scoffed but instantly got interrupted when.“Ouch, Kai. That’s not a very nice thing to say now is it?” A deep voice occurred, the group turned around to face the familiar voice to be shown Eren standing with the rest of his group grinning towards them, Kai scoffed at him walking towards him but stopped when he felt a pair of hands grab him by his shoulders pushing him back a little, he looked to see who it was and it was no other than yourself walking in front of him towards Eren who had a raised brow.

You walked towards him as you took an inhale of your blunt feeling the warm smoke entered your mouth, stopping infront of him leaning forward blowing out the smoke in his face with a scowl, “Wassup Jaeger? Decided to finally show your face again after you practically just up and leave? Or did your little guard dog over there force you to come?.” You nodded towards Mikasa who had her hand clenched together glaring at you, she walked one step towards you before Jean held her back putting a hand on her shoulder. Eren hummed, shrugging his shoulders, “Mm, nah. I just decided to come because I heard you were racing again tonight. Plus i just missed my precious little (Y/N) and wanted to see if you still got it or..” He stopped leaning down towards your ear, “You’re gonna lose like the last time.” He chuckled, leaning back as he took the blunt out of your hand to place it between his lips, turning around to walk away leaving you standing there with a annoyed look on your face glaring at the back of his head.

“See me personally, I would never let that sli-'' Before Isiah had the chance to finish the sentence you side kicked him in the gut walking away towards your car to get ready for the race without saying a word to anyone. Marci walked towards him who was holding onto his stomach laughing at him. “What did we say Isiah? We told you to stop messin with her.” The dread head only rolled his eyes still whimpering from the harsh kick he received, as for you, you slammed closed your car door gripping the steering wheel glaring ahead of you. You have always been short tempered since you were a toddler so thinking of how easily Eren pissed you off and acted like how he didn’t just straight up leave you made you more mad than you already were, you shakily let go of the purple steering wheel leaning back into your seat running your hands down your face. You breathed in and out trying to relax yourself before you had to line up for the race to begin. Once you felt yourself relaxed you placed your hand back on the steering wheel starting your car hearing that satisfying roar, “Calm down (Y/N)..breathe and calm down. Just win this race.”

Just win this race.

You repeated, you silently smiled to yourself as you finally relaxed. You looked down towards your stomach silently rubbing it, “I’ll win this for you baby..for you and i.” You sighed as you looked back up, pressing the gas pedal to go to the lineup for the race to start. When you pulled up to the start line everyone instantly started to cheer and shout seeing your car enter the crowd, guess everyone missed you that much to be only focused on you— I mean it has been a couple of months since the last time you appeared because of an incident.. You grinned as you heard your name being shouted as you stopped to get ready for the race to start, you reared your engine a few times having that satisfying roar leave its engine. You looked to the side to see Suki smirking towards you as you gave her a grin. You then turned to your left side to see the bastard himself already lined up next to you giving you a taunting wave, you practically growled under your breath tearing your eyes away from him to face the straight street ahead of you.

You faced the front as well, watching Queen taking her spot in the middle. She grinned as she looked over at Eren then me then Suki and Aj then the front where she can see all cars in view. "I want a nice, fair, and easy race! No interfering with your opponent, No cheating, No BULLSHIT!. This race contains the four racers on the startin line, your task is to go all the way down and back!. Winner takes the prize money!.” She raised the blue bandanna in the air as all the cars started rearing there engines, she grinned upon hearing the engines roar.

“Go!”

You instantly pressed down on the gas pedal feeling the car jerk forward speeding down the street. You were so lost into trying to winning the race you didn’t realize Eren was inches away from speeding in front of you, you glanced to the side to see the dark green car lined up with yours, you furrowed your eyebrows glancing back to the road as you pressed more down on the gas pedal speeding in front of him. He raised his brow seeing your car speed past him, he grinned to himself as he pressed down on the gas pedal being side to side with you once again. He looked over to glance at you to see you were nothing but pure focused on winning the race. He knows that look like the back of his hand and once he sees that look planted on your face he knows you are not to be messed with when your head is in the game. It made him slightly smile at the memory when you once threw a stuffed animal his way when you were focused on making ideas for car parts for your car, it’s one of his favorite memories that always lingered in the back of his mind.

Oh how he missed you..

He turned his way back ahead to see the turn corner, he grunted as he placed his left hand on the lever getting ready to drift. When the turn appeared he pulled the lever up turning his wheel all the way to the right drifting back onto the straight road, when the road was in his vision he pulled down the lever turning his wheel straight taking off again. He swore he thought you were far behind but was proven wrong when he saw your black car speed past him, he felt his eyes widen seeing you speed off and towards the finish line. You smirked as you looked in your rear view to see him far behind, “Still got it.” You mumbled. When you saw the crowd of people enter your vision you crossed the finish line with Eren right behind you, you brake your car, turning off the engine and stepping out of the car with a cocky grin. You watched as Eren stepped out of his car with a scowl on his face, you knew he hated losing and by the look on his face he was pissed.

“Looky here, mister Jaeger came in second how cute that is huh?” You chuckled, he practically growled under his breath as he stared at you. “You’ve got some nerve sayin i came in second. You gotta admit (Y/N) i was close in coming first and you knew it.” You laughed rolling your eyes. “Yeah but who came in first?” You teased, but for Eren he was far too pissed off to even take teasing at the moment, he slowly walked over towards you, leaning down towards your height. “Yeah? But let’s not forget how you practically had a panic attack in a middle of a race causing you to crash, huh? Remember that?”

You felt everything slow down, everything moved in slow motion.

You were going above the speed limit as you were panicking, you didn’t give a care at the moment as you were speeding off to go somewhere, anywhere that’s far away from him. You were so deep into thought you didn’t hear the honking of another car being targeted towards you, after the third honk you snapped out of it swerving your car to the right as the other car barely missed you. You felt the tears starting to blur your vision which caused you to immediately press the brake pedal, when you felt the car stop you gripped the steering wheel as your body started to violently shake.

Your breathing was uneven as you tried to calm yourself down. “F-Fuck..” Your body felt extremely hot as your face felt wet due to the non stop tears going down your face, you don’t why he said it but when he did you just snapped. All the emotions you had since you found out you lost your baby came back after so long of trying to heal yourself and keep them away.

When the day you got into that crash was the day you found out you were pregnant and you had miscarried.

“I’m sorry to say Ms. (Y/L/N), but due to many fractures of your body..unfortunately you had miscarried.” The nurse had said, as for you, you were confused and frozen as you were sat up in your bed. “Miscarried? W-What do you mean?.” The nurse bit down on her lip seeing as that you didn’t even know you were pregnant in the first place, she softly sighed walking towards your bed and crouching down towards your height taking your shaking bandaged hand into hers with a sad look. “(Y/N), you were 10 weeks pregnant. And due to you fracturing many parts of your body, it caused you to miscarry your child.” You felt your world grumble to the floor upon hearing that leave her mouth. You were pregnant and you didn’t even know? I mean you could say one morning you were feeling a little sick throwing up out of nowhere and just not feeling good at all but you just thought it was something you ate the other night brushing it off. But it came to realize..the reason why you were feeling sick and puking your guts out was because you were indeed pregnant. You had lost your baby..your sweet little angel that didn’t even get a chance to live.

You were feeling so many emotions you didn’t know what to do, after you heard the news you had stopped racing for awhile, smoking and even hanging out with the gang, they all grew suspicious of the act but just brushed it off not wanting to bother you while you were in the state you were in. After a while you decided to tell them what had been going on and what happened. “What’s been going on, (Y/N)? You’ve been ignoring us for the past month now. We’re worried about you..” Marci said sadly as she watched you nervously play with your fingers. “I- I’ve..uhm.” You couldn’t form the right sentence as you instantly felt the tears come down your cheek. This made the group widen their eyes to see you violently shaking and tears coming down your face fast, they all came over to you into a group hug, leaning your head into Kai’s shoulder just letting out the emotions that were in you.

Kai silently shushed you into your ear as he softly played with your braids knowing it would kinda help calm you down, as for Isiah and Marci they were whispering nothing but it’ll be okay or we’re here for you etc etc. You continued crying onto Kai’s shoulder feeling your whole body weaken, you were weak..you were mentally fucked, you were depressed, you were just going through a lot. As you began to calm down after a few minutes you decided to tell them what you’ve been hiding for so long, “When I had woken up in the hospital bed the nurse w-was already there to do whatever she needed to do. She had begun to tell me what had happened and said i badly fractured my body..t-then she mentioned that i..i had m-miscarried.”

You were afraid they would be disgusted with you but you were proven wrong when they all took care of you and helped you back up on your feet, you leaned your head against the steering wheel with faint breaths as you tried to calm down. You felt your grip on the wheel loosen as they went limp on your lap but soon rubbed your tummy with a small smile.

“I told you we would win..”

He just stood there frozen with wide eyes still feeling the sting you had left on his cheek. You had speeded off into the faint night leaving the crowd shocked and confused, as for the gang Isiah and the rest were pissed off. Kai had walked up towards him slightly shoving him back into Jean’s chest. “Fuck is your problem dawg? You just go out of your way to bring that shit up?!” He yelled walking towards him but got stopped when Isiah grabbed him by the shoulder. Eren furrowed his eyebrows as he watched the two males glare at him, “Oh, so it’s okay when she gets to tease him but when he does it-“ Jean started but got interrupted, “That wasn’t teasin are fuckin stupid?!. That’s bringing up trauma she had to face!” Marci yelled making the group go silent, Eren looked up making to look at her, “Trauma? What trauma?” He questioned, Marci rolled her eyes glaring towards the male, “She was fucking pregnant. With YOUR baby.”

Silence.

His eyes widened, “Pregnant?!”

The group furrowed their eyebrows as confusion started to linger, “Trauma? What are you talking about?.” Armin asked, Marci scoffed and rolled her eyes. “For god sake! When she crashed into that god damn race. She lost her baby, YOUR baby! She was fucking pregnant.” Everything went silent, the crowd had gasps leaving their mouths with whispers beginning as Eren widened his eyes.

“Pregnant?”

A/N : Pt 2 coming…NEVER 🤣.

👀

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zaceouiswriting · 10 months

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Fairy Prince - Hearts of Leviathans - Ch.16

Character: Sky x male reader, Riven x male reader, Brandon x male reader

Universe: Somewhere in Winx Club/Saga

Warnings: None

A warm summer breeze blew over me and tickled my skin. As soon as I entered the old training field, once used for both mages and specialists, I could see that everything was in such a dilapidated state that attempting to clean anything was a task no one could accomplish alone.

The sword-fighting area was completely overgrown. Some flowers have even dug through the hard soil and bloomed on the ground, which has seen more blood than most battlefields.

Saddest of all is the location for target training, where easy-to-build golems once simulated combat. The place is completely covered, but the roof had long since collapsed, so the weather had made things difficult for the poor golems. They look in bad shape, and their power cores seem empty for a long time. This is truly unfortunate, as these golems were built to grow with each fighter who uses them for training, helping them improve their skills.

My heart aches as I see all this, for this was once one of the few prides my family still has outside of our planet and empire, which is why it hurts me so much to see it in such chaos. With turbulent feelings, I just let myself fall to the ground into the soft, warm grass. As I lie there, I play with the grass and even pick a few of the colorful flowers.

After waiting a few minutes, I start making some flower crowns to pass the time. I even ignore the first steps that get closer and closer to where I lie peacefully in the grass.

I know those arrogant snobs will whine when they see the dilapidated state of the place, with broken pillars, massive stones lying all over the ground, and the literally impossible to fight upon uneven ground.

And as if I was waiting for the cue, not too far away, I could hear the first few people complaining about not being dressed for a trip into the supposed "wilderness."

Their ignorance annoys me to no end. Why were they so problematic about things like this? For my own good, I ignore them and continue to relax on the green floor. A few flower crowns sit on my chest.

I can once again feel disapproving looks on me. For some reason, they start to get to me in ways they've never done before, perhaps because it feels more disrespectful since they're doing it on grounds built by my ancestors. An area that only listens to me.

Out of nowhere, a hand suddenly appears in my field of vision. The skin structure is flawless except for a scar that is almost invisible at this point. But my anger, simmering deep within me, wouldn't let me take his hand. So I jumped back to my feet without help, the flower crowns hanging on my left hand.

I didn't even look back to see how Cory reacted to my simple but effective refusal to take his hand. As in ancient traditions, if a King or his Heir does not accept the helping hand of one of his knights, he is in disgrace or on the way there.

I leisurely walk to the stands, carefully setting down the freshly made flower wreaths before I finally turn around and face the few hundred people intently staring at me.

The few teachers who came with the classes look down on me as much as the students. What in the name of the red darkness is wrong with these people?

I had to close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing to calm myself down because their vile behavior is starting to get on my nerves. I wonder how far their faces will fall when they find out I never did anything wrong. Just the idea puts another smile on my face. It quickly turns into a sinister grin that seems to unnerve the others.

“Then can we get started?”

The teachers look at each other. Except that Saladin steps forward as the others seem unwilling to test me. With a crack of his staff on the ground, which he magically hardened, he says, "We chose Artheon to-"

“No,” I say without hesitation. "I want to fight the three idiots who 'captured' me. We'll see how far they get when I have a weapon, too." My sinister smile only grew, bringing chills to most that I could see their face sweating profusely.

Even Saladin seems unsettled by my authoritative manner of speaking. I don't even know where it came from. Maybe because I don't feel like I belong to any of their factions and therefore view the older teachers as mere human beings and not as authority figures? Or maybe even their complete disregard for my person? Who knows?

Anyway, I turn away from them and stare in the direction of the three idiots.

“You first!” I point directly at the purple-haired guy.

He steps forward, teeth clenched, a fierce anger in his eyes so blazing it makes me want to fight him even more. As he approached, the others backed away, led by their teachers. The girls were taken to the dilapidated stands. Most of them look disgusted at the dirty or broken stones, which makes my anger flare up again.

“Look here!” The bold guy suddenly called out to me. Two green daggers in his hands.

“That’s a joke, right?” I ask quietly, looking him up and down. My eagerness to fight him died when I saw his weapons. His footing is good, but I could already see that the uneven ground would be problematic for him. “Do you need more stable ground?” I ask him directly, my left eyebrow raised questioningly.

He scoffs and is ready to say something, but then he loses his balance as he tries to change his position just a little.

I roll my eyes. The only thing I want is to watch him eat dirt, but I also want no one to be able to say it was unfair when I wipe the floor with his stupid face. So, instead of reaching for the weapon Cory brought, which he is holding out to me, I close my eyes. The people actively watching start chatting quickly, talking about me again, and nothing flattering.

But everyone's eyes immediately widened when I opened mine again. Pure magic flows through my veins and shows itself in the intense brown glow of my eyes. I could feel the entire training ground buried under soil and plants. As I feel everything up and down to ensure I have everything under my control, the whole place suddenly shook under the power of my magic. Fear coursed through everyone who saw the extent of my abilities.

“Stay still!” I shout to my first opponent. He's shaking more than the others, obviously scared out of his mind.

As I expected, he didn't stop but tries to escape the violent quake. I didn't let him out of my sight. Even when he finally freezes, as it becomes clear to him that I'm peeling away the dirt from the cut stone underneath and don't want to attack him.

His eyes widen in shock. Suddenly, tons of dirt literally pour into the air. Magic and dirt swirl around us. Soon, a massive shadow hangs over our heads as the small arena beneath us is clean again. A rectangular flat surface appears: the stones are pure white marble, from my home world, as this stone is almost indestructible.

Usually, this stone is a single slab forming a ground. But here, they have been cut into large individual bricks. There is a staircase with three steps around the edges. It makes it appear like a small fighting pit.

The only dirt left is under my opponent's feet and under my own. Since he's still frozen solid, I take the first step. As soon as I left the dirt, it swung up and crashed into the other flying dirt.

Even after this spectacle, the other didn't move, even though he had seen what he had to do. So that the last bit of dirt can finally leave this field that once produced some of the best fighters in the magic and specialist fields.

It got so annoying that I was almost ready to walk up to the guy and knock him off the little platform he is standing on, only for him to suddenly step off the platform himself as I only have taken one step toward him. As soon as he did that, the dirt makes its way up.

When all the dirt was finally together, I let the lump fly to the side, to a spot on the opposite side of the benches where I have already placed two pieces of columns that once stood proudly and held up the roof of an outbuilding. I use this to keep the dirt separate from the rest of the place, as I don't want any more work to be done in the future.

"He didn't even use a spell," one of the teachers muttered. One I hadn't seen before. A peculiar man with pointy ears and a terrible fashion sense. His eyes were curious, not a hint of contempt on his face.

And here I was, always thinking elves were the arrogant ones. How foolish of me.

His little comment even makes me blush. It was hard training that I had to go through to do that. My magic teacher, a two-star grandmaster in the field of earth magic, an eccentric, strict man, but he taught me well. After I did it, he confessed to being jealous because it had taken him almost a hundred years to learn it, while I did it within four years.

Back then, I still had to think about the magic, the effect, and the spell. These days, I only need to know what I want to do.

The only problem is that the magic used for this is not fairy magic but regular magic, in which I'm far more competent than I could ever dream to be at my inherited fairy magic.

However, the situation is different with fairy magic, as this form of magic is bound within one's self and cannot be strengthened by the surrounding magic. And even among fairies, there are differences. Ordinary fairies can only use their own magic, but guardian fairies can draw on their planet's magic.

While other fairies, such as protectors or healers, have powerful magic in their respective areas, guardian fairies are exceptionally powerful, so much so that they defy logic and push the boundaries of nature itself.

While a healer fairy can defeat disease, guardian fairies can stop global disasters.

“Thanks,” I murmur quietly, rather embarrassed by the compliment.

But the teacher stares absentmindedly into space, seemingly far away in his thoughts.

Taken aback by this, I turn my attention to the purple-haired guy, still shaking slightly.

“Do you need a moment, Purple?” I ask. “If so, Blondie can take your place in the first fight,” I continue to tease him.

The guy stares at me with his violet eyes, glowing at me in silent anger. His teeth gritted, strengthening the feeling of his rage. If he had been any other guy, I might have been softer. But I'm just worried about whether I can stop myself from killing him.

“I knew you are still afraid of me,” he says suddenly. His angrily clenched teeth have turned into a wide grin.

Suddenly, the guy takes out the two small pieces of metal. I didn't even notice that he put them away. Still, I feel the need to make fun of him. But when I open my mouth, out of those two pieces of metal come out the two green blades I saw before. My desire to make fun of him only increased. He has such a big mouth and yet such small weapons.

Suddenly, I could see a similar weapon. An older man, probably a teacher with a face of five hundred years of rain, extends his hand to me. For a second, I look over at Corey. Silently, I wonder if he gave the man the weapon, but he only stares at me blankly. The moment I take it from him, the man is already walking away. I look at it from all sides, but I couldn't figure out how to use it. So I tap on anything that seems strange, but nothing happens.

The teacher quickly returns, turns the metal over, and activates it. A yellow blade comes out that is the size of a long sword. It feels strange in my hand, too light.

“Ready!” the same man suddenly shouts, startling me.

His words take me out of my thoughts. I move the sword in front of me. Just from this small movement, I can tell that the sword is too light for me. But I still get into position. My eyes fixed on my opponent the whole time. Even from a distance, I could see that while his stance is pretty shaky, he still has significant potential to master his weapons. It's a shame he obviously never received any real training outside of the academy. Although, a year can only do so much.

“And go!“

[Masterlist]

#x male reader #male reader #winx club #winx saga #winx saga x male reader #brandon x male reader #brandon #sky x male reader #sky #riven #riven x male reader #winx club x male reader #series #fairy prince

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omies-odd-writing-spot · 1 month

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Little Library Mouse: Fallout idea 01

[Full chapter on Ao3]

The young woman loved the smell of the fresh blossoms. The spicy-sweetness of the big purple tato and radish plant, or the earthy mellow of the split bean and the pumpkin. Or the rich sweet floral of the hub tree, they were always amazing. And tasty too!

In the quiet of the early morning, Cassidy could relax in the warm filtered light coming through the window before doing her task of hand pollinating the two tato plants at this window. Holding her flask of still warm tea, Cassidy kicked her legs in the air rocking a bit with her rope seat. Watching out the window as one of the pregnant ground squirrels was waddling by, not seeing her.

She really did like the early mornings of spring, was able to watch where the animals came from and went too. From her current spot, Cassidy could turn and look over the library that was her family's safe home. It was so much bigger than anyone in her community had imagined. A rarity that there was only one safe, hidden entrance and a stable building.

Cassidy was a lot younger when they had moved here, so much so she only had faint memories now of not being in the library. She knew that someone, or another family, used to live here. They had left several things but never returned as far as she knew. They had tried to save as much as they could, just in case that someone, or a decedent came looking.

It had been so many good years here, the elderly of her community, including her own grandparents, could likely rest for their last years without the stress of constantly being on the move. Even though the last winter outside had been harsh, they had fast growing crops inside the library to help them through the worst of the weather. It was more than enough space to grow things without hurting all the wonderful books.

Cassidy was so thankful her grandmother had taught them all how to read and write. Though they had to be very careful with the old books, it was still so much fun to explore the bookshelves. There were old display planters that her parents had thought might have had rare plants before the bombs dropped. Now the biggest had their own pride and joy plants. The mutfruit trees and hub trees had gotten so big in the heathy being sheltered inside, with help from clean water they could get, and the extremely solid window up high that let sun in but not let anyone see inside. The fruit trees were not nearly as big as other trees outside, but they still had a nice thick trunk that was almost four inches thick! These trees had fruit all of last year now too, as long as there was fresh, clean water. Enough fruit that the whole community could and did make jerky out of the excess.

Where Cassidy was this morning was one of two almost ground level windows, and they just kept the tatos here to get the light. From where she was sitting, the young woman could almost see the ground a foot below the windowsill. A planter outside and a short wall after that. The day was promising to be a good peaceful one. She could pollinate the flowers, harvest the pedals for dinner and make some tea. Maybe see if there was some easy to get to grain as well. Then she could finish reading a chapter in her current book.

The young woman kicked her legs out to get herself to swing a little bit back and forth. The gentle movement felt so nice with the sun beam and freshly opened tato flowers above her. Cassidy watched as her feet brushed the thick old growth stem of the tato plant. This was the one plant that was already here when her people had moved in. It was the main reason they had food way back when.

Again it was just hazy memories for Cassidy herself, she remembered everyone being so happy. It was one of the first really good meals they had before everyone had been able to sleep safely. It was such a luxury to be able to sleep safely, they still had night guards, but did not need to be as many as there once was according to the stories that were told about when traveling. Cassidy swung a bit more, touching the stem of the tato plant, pushed off at an angle. Spinning herself in the rope seat one way, then everything unranked the other was. Giggling as she just had some low impact fun before settling and shifted to stand in the seat. Reaching to pull a line free to hock into her climbing gear. Swinging again until she left the seat and was in the climbing gear proper, away from the swing almost at ground level.

Climbing up to the first old growth branch, Cassidy pulled herself up on top. She did not have the same upper body strength as some others in her community, or even her dad. It took her longer to climb the tato plant to the first flower. She untied the permanent line and started to make a new harness to wrap around the stem, sitting down with legs on either side of the branch as she worked.

Cassidy took several deep breaths, making sure the harness was secured. Getting ready and then tipped to the side, rotating off the thick stem and… and was caught in the harness. The young woman sighed in relief as she was supported from her shoulders to her thighs in the harness. Able to relax suspended and using two lines to slowly let out slack to drop a bit. This gave her plenty of room to work. Reaching out to grasp the nearest purple peddle of the tato flower. Scooting herself closer and only once sure she was nice and secured could Cassidy focus with confidence. Taking a hook and another line, piercing the peddle and anchoring it first, and then started cutting it free.

Cassidy made sure to do neat, clean cuts before pushing the pedal away from her and watched it fall free. Mostly. Attached to the line it put some pressure on the harness, but that line would fully disconnect after the last petal was cut free and the joint weight of them all would pull all the knots out for that line.

The young woman carefully scooted closer to the now opening inside of the flower. Reaching for one of the small bags at her side and her knife before reaching back in. Cassidy gasped in delight at finding new tiny petals inside the edge of the flower. “Ooh, those are going to be sweet, I need to get some after this.”

She had to be very careful with cutting the whole staman off, not wanting to lose the pollen. Cassidy carefully put each filament in one bag marked with a ‘1-1’ for this plant’s first flower. Once all the pollen was collected, Cassidy got another bag with the pollen from another plant, dipping her fingers in to coat them and reach to pat the pollen on the… pistil. The inner stem, that was what it was called according to the book. Cassidy made sure not to waste any pollen but also made sure she would not have to come back to do it again. Then she could start to get the rest of the petals harvested.

Taking her time partly to inspect the bigger petals. Cassidy ran her hands over the softness of the pedals. Wondering what it would be like to sleep on the softness. Feeling something like the silk in the stories and books, Cassidy imagined it would be like new flower petals. So soft and smooth, would silk have a smell? Like the flowers that were sweet and spiced.

The tato flowers always smelled exactly like how the tea made from the petals did. Same with the hub trees in one of the ornate planters, their flowers and hips were sweeter and a bit earthy.

Cassidy gasped to herself as she started to harvest the petals, realizing that she still had some hip jam in her room. She would be getting her own home soon too! After the harvest of the hub flower hips in the next few weeks. Her dad had been definitely doing something with his spare time with his adopted brothers.

There were the two whole winter melons that would be ready after that. The small pumpkin would be ready after that, at least Cassidy was pretty sure it would be ready for them to try and get inside! She missed fresh pumpkin seeds. Having them roasted or ground up for a nutty past was… really such a comfort this last winter.

So was their attempt at making pie from the books with what they had for substitutes.

Cassidy reached out, to get the last petal and cut it free, making sure that line was disconnected from her harness. The collected pollan bag was tied and attached to her hip. Then as no one else was up on the desk, Cassidy carefully scooted closer to reach into the flower to carefully cut out the little baby petal leaves. She had three that she could relax back in the harness and get the pollen left over carefully off her left hand and onto one of those little white petals.

Nectar, that’s what was a part of the flower that soaked these little petals. Sweet and spiced, and with a bit of pollen inside the rolled up petal… it was a wonderful breakfast after all that work. It was also a treat as a pollinator job to be able to enjoy this treat. The other few petals were stored carefully in another bag. Cassidy would share some with her family, but wanted to try and see if she could bake them.

Make… candy. That’s what it was called!

Cassidy finished her treat, looked around the flower to be sure that nothing was missed. Getting herself backwards and up to climb back on the branch, the young woman could go back to the main trunk of the old tato plant and the climbing line to the next branch with a flower. Going through the same process and saving the little petals and it was nice and warm now from the magnification of the sunlight.

#omie's writing #fallout 4 #fallout writing #Cassidy as a borrower is just so cute #mayor john hancock #Hancock is going to have ALL THE FEELS

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gayassbish · 10 months

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WINTER HIKING WITH AMBER! MODERN AU

A/N: This is the kickstarter for my CHRISTMAS event! Find it here! | 1.2k Words

Genre: Fluff! Slight Crack

Reader: Gender Neutral

AMBER is very serious about keeping an active lifestyle and is even more serious about her health. She wants to live to 100 and still be able to jump around like she does now. But she is always contradicting her longevity! She constantly puts her life in danger by eating extremely spicy hot buffalo wings that she knows she can’t handle and she annually sky dives from planes for fun. Not that you don’t try to stop her crazy antics though.

You are constantly reminding Amber how chasing after an adrenaline rush can cause her to be 6 ft under sooner than she thinks, but in turn, Amber always tells you that life is too short to be boring. Each time she says that you can’t help but think how your life is too short to be a widow before you even get married.

But alas nothing separated Amber from adrenaline: not the bleak season, not freezing temperatures, nor you ;).

And this winter when Amber says she wants to go hiking on the mini mountain a few hours from your area with you, your immediate reaction is that your lovely girlfriend wants to murder you in the middle of the woods </3.

Despite your protests, you can’t deny her in the end. After all what if something happens to Amber when she’s alone out in the forest? So if you can’t convince her not to go… then you have to go :’).

As payback though, you didn’t make the journey easy for her. You made her do the folding, the packing, the driving, and she basically still had to drag your ass out to hike the nearby mini mount. with her. Why did you date someone so adventurous? You don’t know, and you’re cursing yourself for loving someone so energetic.

The moment Amber parks the car and you exit from the comfort of the built-in heater of the vehicle, you feel a shiver down your spine.

You’re faced with the hiking trail in-front of that leads up and up with a mixture of leaf-barren trees and branches still adorning their reddish-yellow ones. Amber has told you about hows she hiked this mountain a lot with her grandpa as a kid. You can’t help but imagine a little Amber running around the woods and playing hide and seek with her old peepaw behind trees. Though the thought warms your heart, the freezing breeze calls you back to reality.

“Babe, come get your bag and let’s go change.” Amber shouts from the back of the car, shutting the trunk. She hands you your bag and leads you to the changing stalls placed in the back of the parking lot.

Amber changes quickly into thick sun glasses, a purple rain proof jacket and tights… But you, on the other hand, “Wow… look at you.” Once outside the changing stall, Amber has the nerve to laugh at you when she sees how you look like an inflated balloon. It’s not a big deal though, you’re only wearing multiple sweat pants and jackets. But for some reason Amber just has to say something. “Gosh, just how many layers are you wearing?” Amber leans against the door and crosses her arms over her chest, wearing a huge idiotic smile.

“Oh my god, you know how I get cold!” You send her a glare, not willing to put up with her cheery attitude in this kind of weather. “Let’s just get this over with already.” You huff aggravated and walk past her to the trail.

Amber, after secretly taking photos of how silly and cute you look, quickly catches up to you and just doesn’t take off that stupid smile off her face. Like what’s there to even smile about? Your pain? Your misery? Smh. “Can you even walk right in all that?” She jests, still making fun of you. She pokes a finger through your arm to try and see if she can feel you.

You slap her hand away. You give her another of your signature glares to compliment her goofy ass smile. “Last to the top buys dinner.” And run past her as quick as your (now stubby and little) legs can.

Amber starts laughing her ass off before trailing behind you.

The rest of the hike consists of stopping here and there to take selfies, posing as you meet the fellow hikers that offer to take photos, water breaks, and admiring the view… but as you hike further up hill and the wind gets harsher and the air gets cooler… it becomes more of a challenge to continue rather than your average Sunday morning hike.

So before you can even make it to the halfway point of the hike, you’re already spent.

“Oh come on babe, we’re almost there!” Amber looks back towards your teeth chattering self that’s about 15 feet behind her. She runs back down to you and grabs your hand. “At this rate you’re gonna lose.” She sings in a light jokey tone, but you’ve already long forgotten about this bet.

When Amber takes your hand, she starts walking, planning to drag you to the tippy top, but you don’t budge.

Amber looks back at you with an eyebrow raised, confused. “Amber..,” You watch her confused face turn into one of worry at the shaky tone of your voice. “I don’t think I can do it.” You speak brokenly with your teeth chattering and look at her with your runny nose. Sniffling and frowning at her and it breaks Ambers heart. You feel bad since she drove far to take you here, but you really can’t go another step.

Amber, however, doesn’t even think of the drive (or the effort to drag you outside the house). She’s just worried that maybe she did push you too far this time. “Are you certain?” Amber hunches over a little to be at eye level with you since she’s standing on the slanted mountain plain, higher than you. When you nod at her she brings you into a hug. “Okay! Here’s what’s going to happen.” You break the hug to look at her pearly whites. Rather than this smile being mildly infuriating, you find her cherry grin very comforting. “We’re going to go back down and I’ll take you to the nearest IHOP. You can get the sticky honey roast hot coco you like and it’ll be my treat!”

Amber watches your face light up from the promise of a chocolate served drink and you give her a kiss on the cheek. “Ah thank you! You know just what will cheer me up!” And Amber raises a hand to feel where you kissed since your lips were very cold.

“Your lips are freezing.” Amber looks at you and holds your hand again, she starts walking back down-hill, this time with you actually moving.

“You can try to warm them then.” You swing your arms with hers, obviously very happy at your return.

“Did you want to stop hiking to make out with me or because you’re actually cold and tired?” Amber questions your intentions as she looks at you, barely able to hold her smile back.

“Fine… no kisses for you.” You huff and run past her and you can hear her laughter as she trails behind you. She eventually catches up to you and Amber steals a quick peck from you! You scream some nonsense that she’s being a cheater but before you can accuse her anymore she gives you another peck. She steals a lot more from you and you both end up laughing your asses off as y’all head back to her car. You wonder if maybe your next adventure will be filled with less kisses and actually more… well, adventure.

A/N: GUYS Head Canon for Amber as a cop, but A GOOD ONE that wants to actually change the broken system from the inside… a lot like Judy from Zootopia. One, they’re both (gullible) self-righteous bunnys. And two, they’re literately the same “person” just in different fonts I swear.

#genshin fluff #genshin imagines #genshin women x reader #genshin women #genshin x reader #genshin amber #amber x reader #genshin impact #genshin wlw #christmas event

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hookechoes · 3 months

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little bit of a benny ficlet, just trying to get into his head a bit and see what's rattling around in there

a long crashing skidding sound wakes him but not kathy; she's drunk-asleep, dead to the whole world until her body decides its had enough, but he'd tempered himself at the bar that night for some reason, unknown even to him; might have been something about a half glance johnny gave him from across the table, a burning gaze so barely glimpsed he might have imagined it, he didn't know but something in him said to be a little more cautious that night, have one less shot, or else he might do something even stupider than anything else he'd ever done, and that was a long list.

he slides out of bed and goes to the window, moving the curtain aside a bit to see the street below. sounds far away, faint faraway things that might be screams of pain or joy or excitement or grief. he can't tell, will never know. heat lightning in the distance, vague rumbles rolling down the street, muted enough to be thunder or engines. he reaches for the cigarettes he'd laid on the desk earlier and lights one, cracking the window to let the smoke out. kathy hates waking up to cigarette smoke, even though she smokes just as much as he does, maybe more, depending on the day. depending on how annoyed she is with him.

just looking out at the street is pulling at him, whispering to him. summer nights are his favorite. something about an empty road, dark except where their bikes light everything up like fireflies in formation, buildings and bridges and cornfields streaking by like the club is standing still and everything else is what's moving, whooshing past with a blast of warm air turned cool with its movement. riding at night in the summer is like jumping into a calm pool of water - there's some indefinable joy in disturbing something so still, revving life and action and movement into the dead stale air. kathy at his back with her arms wrapped happily around him, smiling into his colors; johnny in front of him at the tip of the spear, upright and undeniable.

"what are you doin?" grumpy voiced kathy mumbles from the bed, her face half smushed into the pillow still. something woke her, a dream or a sound or a feeling. he hopes it wasn't the smoke.

"nothin," he says, taking another drag.

she mphs and turns her head toward him. she was annoyed with him tonight, he could tell at the bar and when they came home and made love; him or something else, or both him and something else. he is fine with that. he can weather it easy. she'll tell him or she won't; she'll get over it or she won't. he looks long at her lovely figure, straight hair fanned over the sheets, a battered old shirt of his stretched over her pretty shoulders, rucked up to her ribs on one side. there's a bird tattoo hiding on her ribcage, the edge of a wing in flight peeking out. he's fairly certain he's the only other person in the whole world who knows it's there. he's never asked when or why or what it means, but he's wondered at it, run his fingers over it, kissed it.

nothing is moving in the street, the distant shouts faded, the thunder rolled away; the night calls for him to smash its silence, dares him to scream into its face. He wants, the feeling both vague and unspeakably sharp. His bones are jumpy, twitch-happy, ready to leap up and just start going and going and going until he hits the end of the night like a wall and breaks through to... something else. a different world, maybe, or the absence of one.

#the bikeriders #benny #bennykathy #johnnybenny #favourite films #@gromky #forgive the lack of grammar/capitalization/coherence this is basically semi free association writing lol #might expand/edit this at a later date for ao3 purposes. who knows. the muse will return or she wont. shrug

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rogerswifesblog-updates · 1 year

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Chapter 4 - it’s all about the…

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Previous chapter

A/N: yeah I know it’s late…I’m sorry! I’m just so so busy with uni and Easter (which reminds me; happy Easter!!). I’m tired af but I just couldn’t sleep another night without posting this! I feel awful for no reason, here some flowers as an apology😬💐 love ya, enjoy! And thank you @jamneuromain for some of the ideas, especially about Brock 👀❤️

Pairing: stripper!Steve Rogers x Sugar!Mommy reader

Chapter summary: You go out with steve to buy him some new clothes. The day is all about giving and receiving…

Warnings: hand job, semi public, oral f receiving, subby Steve, needy Steve, mommy kink, a hit of mommy issues,

18+

A few days later a chilly breeze reminded you of Steve’s thin jacket that he was probably still wearing, too thin, too cold. Not even close to what he was supposed to wear in such weather. You felt bad for not having bought him a jacket sooner, especially since you were cuddling in your own fuzzy coat, always warm and soft hugging your body.

Sitting in your office you couldn’t stop thinking about this issue.

Your Babyboy needed a high quality jacket. Something that would keep him warm and be comfortable, not just a thin worn out coat. You didn’t want him to freeze or get sick. It would probably break your heart to see him sick while you could’ve prevented it a bit.

Were you thinking ahead? Again? But it’s just the little voice in your head that told you to take care of him, make sure he’s fed, comfortable and appropriately dressed.

You were definitely caring a bit too much for just knowing him less than a week, but Steve was really a sweetheart. He had probably already stolen a part of your own heart.

But maybe you should just casually mention wanting to go shopping? Maybe asking if he wanted to accompany you?

You’ve already made up your mind. He’s coming with you. And he’s getting a damn warm jacket.

Taking out your phone you found Steves contact, typing a text. > Hello, Steve. Are you free today? We could go shopping, maybe grab some food on our way home and I’d drop you off later at your place. Tell me when I could pick you up. < Reading over the message one more time you added a little heart emoji, before sending. It was immediately delivered and seen only a few seconds after. You hadn’t had time to even put your phone away, before a reply came.

> hi CTN have classes. BRB < You squinted your eyes at the reply for a moment, not being sure if these weren’t some typos-but no, thinking it through you assumed it meant ‘can’t talk now’ and ‘be right back’. That’s the only thing that would make sense. Jesus, this kid.

You decided to reply anyway. >Just let me know. I can pick you up whenever you’re free.< With that you put your phone aside, rereading the documents you had filled out before texting Steve. Just when you sighed them and put them in a binder for later to go over during one of the upcoming business meetings, your screen lit up.

> iirc my classes end in 40 but iu2u when youd pick me up just lmk <

You stared at the message for a solid three minutes before huffing and throwing your phone in your purse. How could a person shorten a sentence so much that you couldn’t understand it? The only thing you assumed was his classes ended in 40 minutes. Hopefully.

After closing your office you walked to your assistants desk, telling her you wouldn’t be back today. For a moment you considered asking her about the text message, if she could translate it into your old school language.

God, you thought it would be easy to be with someone younger, but…whatever.

Sitting in your car you couldn’t stop yourself from looking at the last message one more time.

IIRC... I really care? No, that can’t be right, there are two i’s

My classes end in 40…minutes, right?

but iu2u…I used to you? This also doesn’t make any sense. Why the hell is there a number in it?

When you'd pick me up just…lmk…Love me kiss me?? Huh. So should you kiss him? Or what does he mean?

Only when you look in your rearview mirror do you notice the grimace on your face, the squinted eyes and pouty lips. Jesus. All this over one text message. Now you feel even older than you actually are.

After putting your phone and purse away you started the car. Not needing your GPS since you knew where Steve’s university was, you turned on some music before finally leaving the parking lot, quietly humming to yourself.

Within twenty minutes you arrived at Steve’s university, to be exact in front of the art building. Opening your car door you turned down the volume of the music, but not fully down. It was quite chilly and windy so you threw your fur coat over your shoulders, leaning against your car.

Steve's class should end in ten minutes so you decided to let him know you were already waiting. > I parked at your art building.<

It didn’t surprise you when the replay came within seconds. > rnbbbb? <

“What the fuck does this mean”, you whispered to yourself having no idea what Steve meant. Not even a hint. Sighing, you shook your head. Not wanting to look like a total moron by asking him what he meant you took a picture of your view, to show him where you waited. > I’m here <

While waiting for Steve’s classes to come to an end the sun slowly started shining, the wind stopping. It started to get warmer immediately, making you feel too warm in your coat, so you quickly took it off, throwing it over your arm, leaving you in your black suit, the Gucci belt shimmering in the bright light.

Since it would take a few more minutes till Steve’s classes come to an end you grabbed yourself a cigarette, lightening it and bringing it to your lips. The red lipstick staining the stumble, while you breathe out the smoke.

Your phone vibrated again, four times. This many messages could mean business so you quickly took your phone out-only to see all four were from Steve. A small smile crept onto your lips while you opened his chat, surprisingly seeing a picture of yourself, leaning against the car and smoking.

> picture <

> I see you! HOT! <

> omw <

> bbbbb <

You pulled your eyebrows together, a quiet chuckle escaped your lips, still not understanding half of the things he meant-well, omw you knew was on my way. Wanda used it sometimes, too, being the youngest in your friend gr- “hello gorgeous”, interrupted you a voice. A voice you didn’t know.

With raised eyebrows you lifted your gaze, looking into the gray eyes of a stranger with a predatory grin. “Hello, and you are?” You smiled as friendly as possible at the man, who was in your opinion standing a bit too close to your personal space.

“I’m Brock and you seemed like you needed some company, so I’m here to help you out, gorgeous.” A scoff escaped your lips. “Please, leave me alone, I’m not interested in you nor your company.” You didn’t like men who behaved like they could have everyone. Especially you. His grin made you actually feel the opposite, making you slowly back a bit away from him. “Thanks, I’m just waiting for someone”, with that you looked to the doors-just then did Steve leave the art building. Finally

Your lips curved upwards. “There’s my boy. You can go now, Brock.” He wanted to say something more but you turned away from him, instead awaiting for Steve to come.

Behind you Brock snorted when Steve stopped in front of you, a bashful smile on his face. “Hi”, he mumbled leaning a bit down when he noticed you wanted to kiss his cheek-which you did, leaving a red lipstick stain behind. “Whops, sorry, Stevie, now everyone can see who you belong to”, you grinned; licking your thumb before trying to wipe away the red color from his skin. Of course this made him blush immediately.

There was another unfriendly reaction behind you, an unpleasant groan. “Really? Steve? That’s who you’re spending your time with? Come on, that doesn’t make sense. You can do better-or maybe he’s just some waiter boy huh? Earning a couple more bucks, because there’s no other reason such a gorgeous woman would be with a poor, sick nerd that-“ “oh for fucks sake aren’t you bored of standing here and watch us?” You hissed, throwing your fur in the back of your car while nodding for Steve to get in the car, before turning around to address Brock again.

“Maybe you are wondering how he lands with a rich af girlfriend, but I'm not putting up with your shit because he's the one having a relationship between the two of you. In fact, he's a million times better person than you are, you arrogant misogynist prick." With that you got in the car yourself, wanting to drive away. Your gaze once again falling to the young man that had bothered you-but then you looked back at Steve, who was visibly uncomfortable and upset.

Sighing you took his hand. “Don’t think about him. I only met him ten minutes ago and can tell he’s a total idiot. You’re not what he-“ “fucking Gold digger!” You heard Brock's voice, making your grip on the wheel tighten-thank god you weren’t driving or you’d have hit the brakes till they’d squeak.

“I won’t let him do that to you”, you hissed under your breath, leaving the car, loudly throwing the door shut. Brock was already standing with his friends, talking shit about Steve that you could hear from your car.

So you decided to teach him a lesson.

Nobody messed with your boy.

“Hey Brock!”, you called out, noticing how a grin spread onto his lips while he turned around, already saying something. “Gorgeous, I’m glad you changed y-“, before he could finish the sentence your fist met his jaw so hard he stumbled back into one of his friends. All of them left shocked and speechless, while you smiled at the group one last time before walking back to your car. Behind your back you could hear some mutters that made you grin even more.

When you finally sat back behind the wheel, Steve was also shocked. His beautiful blues wide, at the same time feeling how his heart was thudding wildly. “Now where were we? Oh right, don’t listen to Brock, he’s not worth it,” while you tried to cheer Steve up he seemed to get even more upset.

“He may be not worth it but…he’s not wrong. I’m poor and sick and a total nerd, while you’re this amazing woman that deserves to be with a real man,” he looked out of the window, ignoring your hand when you tried to take his. “Steve, why do you think that? Money is not important-that’s why we have our agreement and…you’re not sick, right? Do I need to know something? If you need medicine or anything, I’ll get it for you. You just need to tell me.”

There was a sigh next to you and Steve carefully took your hand. “Just look at me”, you did just that, your gaze falling over Steve for a second, but the only thing you noticed was his hurt puppy dog eyes. “What do you mean, Stevie?”, you chuckled, having a hard time understanding what he meant.

“Take a closer look-“ “Steve, if you want me to take a closer look we might end up in a tree, you have to tell me,” there was another loud sigh.

“Look at my ear,” his voice was quiet, even sounding a bit insecure. That’s when you had to stop at a red light, making it way easier for you to finally take a look at him. He wasn’t looking at you, completely avoiding your gaze.

Only after a few seconds did you notice what he was talking about, or, well, because he pointed it out. “Stevie…how have I not noticed it before?”

Steve had a hearing aid.

It wasn’t even much noticeable, just a bit of light blue around his ear.

“And Brock bullies you about that? What a dick. You shouldn’t feel self conscious about that. You’re still perfect-maybe even more than before”, you said softly, leaning over to him and kissing the shell of his ear, noticing how he blushed. His whole chest swelled up, his throat felt a bit tighter, while butterflies erupted in his stomach. His whole body.

Which he quickly tried to ignore.

Instead he cleared his throat. “So you don’t mind it? There’s more stuff. I also have asthma-and I-“ Softly chuckling you took Steve hand again, while pulling over. You hated how he was trying to talk himself down. Steve was an amazing person, with an incredible soul and heart.

His gaze was glued to your hand that was holding his, your thumb stroking the back of his hand, his skin tingling under your touch. “None of that, Stevie. I really like you the way you are-but I don’t like it when you talk yourself down, okay? You’re amazing-and so much better than this Bully Brock. I’d rather spend my whole life with you than a day with Brock.”

A that you both were shocked.

But the composed person you were, you tried to ignore the blush creeping up into your cheeks.

“Well, I-I wanted to ask you about something you texted me-or…a few things even”, you chuckled, probably making yourself even more nervous than before. Somehow you felt like you walked right in a dead end with all that, which Steve partly noticed too, so he grabbed your phone. “Could you enter the password so I-” “I don’t have one, don’t worry.”

You could feel the side eye Steve was giving you.

You could feel it burn a hole in your skull.

“What? Don’t look at me like that. I forget my passwords all the time.” Steve still wasn’t convinced with your explanation, but didn’t say anything. Instead he opened your chat watching over the messages he sent you. “So? What did you wanna know?”

Surprisingly you felt yourself blush again. Which hadn’t happened often…before meeting Steve.

“Could you…could you explain the abbreviations to me? I know a few-I think-but not all of them”, at this point you felt your whole head burning. The last time you were this nervous was…maybe in highschool. Which also was quite a while ago. You really didn’t want to get deeper into it.

Since you couldn’t remember the shortened messages Steve had sent you before you leaned a bit over to him. “Oh right, there were a few. iirc, iu2u, lmk…? Like…I really don’t know what this means. Lmk? Love me, kiss? If you want me to kiss you just-“ Steve’s laugh interrupted you, the blush on your face deepening immediately.

When he noticed you were serious he promptly shut his mouth. “I’m sorry-I didn’t mean to laugh, I’m sorry. I thought you were joking…”, he mumbled, averting his gaze. “Okay, so, iirc means ‘if I remember correctly”, there was a pause, so you looked up at him but he didn’t say more.

“So do you remember or not?”

And that’s when Steve realized it’d be a long, long time till he explains everything.

He was right.

It took him twenty minutes to finally explain everything and till you two finally stepped out of the car, your hand immediately wrapping around his bicep. “Just one more question, you didn’t explain what the whole ‘bbbb’s mean? That I Waldo couldn’t figure out” “oh, no, that’s nothing just typos, my screen broke and now it sometimes…does this”, Steve laughed quietly, the blush from before reappearing.

He definitely needed a new phone. You’ve seen his phone before, but you hadn’t expected it to be that bad.

“Would you mind?”, you smiled at him, giving him your purse that he took without hesitation. There was even a little happy smile on his lips, feeling helpful.

You walked into the shopping mall, your heels clicking coudly against the tiles. Many heads turn to watch you, eager to see the source of the clinking.

And Steve? Steve didn’t like all the attention.

The looks of other people’s faces first interested, then thoughtful and after a second judging. Him. They were all looking at him. They were all judging him. His simple collage hoodie, while you were wearing a whole elegant suit. The Louboutin heels loud and clear for everyone to hear, to see. To notice.

“Don’t do that”, Steve’s head turned so quickly you feared he might hurt himself. “What? I’m not doing anything?” Softly chuckling, you shook your head squeezing his biceps a big harder to comfort him. “I can feel you thinking. Ignore it. The thoughts, the people. They’ll always look. It’s what people do”, you tried to reassure him, succeeding only partly. He was still tense, but his lips twitched to a smile.

For a moment you watched as he watched his bottom lip, his cheeks covered by a soft pink blush. “Can we get some food first, tho? I haven’t eaten anything today and-“ “you what?? But it’s three pm?! You must be starving, baby. Let’s get you something to eat first”, with that you grabbed him a bit tighter, pulling him with you.

Half an hour later Steve was fed, happily still holding your purse while the two of you walked into a clothing shop. A very, very expensive shop. At least compared to the clothes he’d usually buy-mostly stuff on sale or second hand. And now he was in a shop surrounded by premium brands he didn’t even know how to pronounce.

You didn’t even look at the prices while showing him all the clothes he should try on. “I’ve noticed you like blue, right? Would you mind trying on some suits? I’d love to see your beautiful body in a real suit, maybe a blue one…or gray…or..well, we’d see which one would suit you best”, while talking you couldn’t stop yourself from brushing your hand along his muscular chest. To no one's surprise his face was covered by red spots, again.

“You’re so cute”, you whispered, pulling him a bit closer. His smile widening to a grin, his hands automatically falling into your waist.

He’d love to kiss you.

At the thought his chest tingled a bit. A bashful chuckle escaped his lips, while his grip on you tightened.

It’s weird how much happier he felt with you. How much more desirable he felt because of you. He didn’t even know you a lot, having only spent a bit time with you and yet he felt amazing with you. Like he mattered…like…you really liked him.

But maybe that’s how it's supposed to be. Nothing was real, it just was supposed to feel and look like it’s real. Or not? Was it real? Slowly he got confused, so he decided to push these thoughts away. It was all about money, he shouldn’t be seeing too much into it.

“Now go try these on…and whatever else you’d want to, there’s no price limit if you’re worried about that. It’s on me”, you gave him the clothes, continuing to look for something for yourself, maybe a new blouse or skirt.

Maybe some new heels…

Or a coat? Maybe- “could you please come with me? I…want you to help me…decide and just tell me what looks good”, Steve seemed nervous, maybe even a bit uncomfortable with the attention he was getting from some shop assistants that always checked if he needed any help-which he denied.

“Sure, sweetheart. Let me get something for myself then”, after finding a few pieces for yourself you followed Steve to the changing rooms-hust when he wanted to walk into one of them you grabbed his arm. “The last one is bigger.” Without further explanation you pulled him into the last one, immediately hanging your clothes up.

Steve looked a bit around, his gaze falling to your hands when you started taking off your suit jacket and slowly opening the button down. He didn’t even notice the smirk on your lips, while you casually let the blouse slide from your shoulders, his gaze still glued to your body, now to your bra covered breasts. A very pretty bra, if he had to be honest, black with lace, perfectly pushing your breasts up, making them look nicely. Very, very nicely…the image of your naked breasts popped up in his head, reminding him of the incident a few days ago.

Then your pants dropped to the floor and you stepped out of them, with this coming a step closer to him. The matching slip nicely hugging your hips, the hip dips making him wanna grasp your body even more. You were so beautiful. And so, so sexy.

Without saying a word you turned around and bent down to pick up your clothes, his breath stopping for a second. Your round ass on display. So close he could touch you if he’d reach out. Your legs look incredibly long, especially with the heels. The heels with the red bottoms.

Fuck.

Now he had a little problem.

Or a big one.

Whatever.

Definitely a visibile one.

And he knew you’d notice it, too, as soon as you’d look back at him.

What he didn’t know is, you did all of it on purpose, knowing exactly how your body, clad in only underwear, would affect him. You took a skirt, sliding it on then finally turning around to watch Steve’s reactions.

Just as expected his head was red, the blush creeping up his chest to the very tips of his ears. His hands folded before his crotch, making you raise your eyebrows. “You’re hiding something from me, Stevie?”, you whispered teasingly, slowly pushing his hands away, your palm pressing against his hard cock. A soft gasp escaped his lips.

“S-sorry I-“ “you got a bit excited, hm? Was it because of my breasts? Or my ass? Did you imagine how it’d be to grab my body? Pressed against you, while you’d fuck me?”, you whispered against his neck, leaving some kisses behind. His pants felt tight around his crotch, especially with you palming him with every word, “come on, baby, tell me what you’re thinking about.” A quiet whine escaped his lips while he buried his face against your neatly made hair.

“Thought about-about holding your hips-squeezing-feeling you close”, he mumbled, pushing into your palm, while you slowly opened his pants, your hand stroking over his boxershorts, grabbing his thick shaft tightly. “My naughty boy getting all worked up in a changing room. My filthy babyboy. Want me to make you cum? Are you this needy? Coming while being in public? In a changing room? Aren’t you scared of getting caught?”, you felt how his dick twitched at that, leaking more precum into his underwear, soft moans leaving his mouth.

You kissed underneath his ear, sucking gently at his skin, feeling Steve tense against you. His face pressed even harder into your neck, the moans turning to breathless gasps, while he slowly filled his boxershorts with cum.

A chuckle escaped you, while you slowly pulled out your hand from his pants. “Sweet”, you mumbled watching him cover his crotch, the redness in his face darkening. He looked down at his hands, before back at you. “I just came.” “I know.” The smirk on your lips reappeared and you quickly changed into the clothes you’d worn before, while Steve seemed frozen in place.

“Stevie, don’t worry. I’ll get you something to change into and it’ll be fine. Wait a minute, I’ll get you some underwear…just…wait for me. Don’t make a mess while I’m gone”, you added teasingly, watching as the man whined quietly, a bit embarrassed.

Or a lot.

Giving him a last kiss you left him to find some underwear, already paying for it and bringing it to him. After he changed and tried a few other things on, especially pants which he needed to wear now, because the other pants were…a mess.

After leaving the shop you looked once again back at Steve, who was carrying four to the brim filled clothing bags and your purse, a smile creeping on his lips when he noticed your gaze. “Need any help, baby?” “No, no I’m good”, he immediately refused to give you any bags, wanting to carry it all by himself. Laughing you shook your head at him, but finally let him have it his way.

“I need to do some errands, it’d take half an hour, max. In the meantime you could maybe…go order something? And we could go home then-unless you want me to drive you to your place?” He thought about it for a minute, before shaking his head. “I’d like to stay with you tonight.”

You shouldn’t feel as happy as you did.

After deciding where Steve could go order something to eat, you went back to the clothing store, finding a jacket Steve had not so subtly looked at, a very simple one but very thick, perfect for winter and cold evenings.

You bought something else, too, what you knew he’d be very happy about.

It wasn’t too hard to find Steve with all the bags hanging from his arms, looking a bit funny even. And probably a bit overwhelmed.

“Let me take the food, okay? I don’t want your arms to lose circulation from all the bags”, you grinned, taking the food from his hands, pecking his cheek. Leaving a soft red lipstick stain behind. You decided to leave it.

Your place wasn’t far away so it only took you twenty minutes to arrive. “Bring your stuff to your room and I’ll get the plates ready”, you said while taking out the food and bringing it to the couch so you could watch a movie together.

He turned around to look at you with all the bags in his hands. A grin on his lips while he came a bit closer to you, pecking your cheek. “Thanks, my sugar mommy. Can't imagine having a better mommy”, he definitely meant it kicking my, but seeing you blush and gasp softly made him pretty curious. But maybe he just imagined it.

You only smiled at him lightly, nodding before averting your gaze. Your smile turning goofy as soon as he walked out of the door.

While Steve was gone you took the jacket out and laid it out on the couch, already imagining how pretty Steve would look in the clothes you bought him.

His heavy steps echoed through the corridor and a few seconds later he was standing next to, looking at the jacket in surprise. “I-when did you get that?”, he asked quietly, lifting the jacket, a smile immediately appearing on his face.

“I may have lied about the few errands…just wanted to get you something nice-“ “but you bought all the clothes-” “but you chose it. I wanted to buy you something from me”, you smiled at the blond man pushing him down to sit on the couch. He dropped willingly, the jacket still clutched to his chest.

You took the jacket to put it aside. “I have one more thing”, you grinned, taking the bag again and pulling a little box out. Steve gasped loudly, his hand grabbing onto your thigh. When you looked back at him he seemed shocked, his mouth agape.

“You-you did not?”, he whispered letting you put the phone box into his palms. A soft laugh escaped your lips, while you leaned back, watching him fondly when he opened the box, slightly speechless. “I love having a sugar mommy”, his whisper made you laugh quietly but your chest immediately felt warmer, a bit tingling. You stayed quiet, not trusting your own voice.

His eyes had a little glimmer in them, a soft expression on his face while he slowly took the phone out, looking over the screen and back, before putting it once again away. “Thank you so much, I-…I really don’t know what to say…just…” “it’s why we’re having this, baby. Besides, I have a party coming up. Stark organizes a charity event so… let’s say…it’s a little gift for you joining me”, you smiled at him, winking.

Steve giggled quietly and shook his head lightly, leaving the box on the glass table. “I’d love to come with you. The phone is incredible-I’d never be able to afford it myself-but I’d have joined you anyway, you know? It’s actually not so bad…I thought it’d be weird but I really enjoy spending time with you”, Steve grinned, scooching a bit closer to you, his hand not leaving your thigh. Maybe sliding a bit higher.

“I want to thank you for this nice gift-“ “but I told you it’s for you joi-“ “I’ll probably need a suit anyway so…you’d need to buy it too…let me thank you properly, once in a while,” he whispered into your ear. You hadn’t even noticed how close he’d gotten until his lips trailed down your throat. That’s also when you noticed holding onto Steve’s blond hair. “But Stevie…the food…” “is it really that important? Do you really want me to stop? I want to thank my sugar mommy”, the last word made your grip in his hair tighten and he definitely noticed that.

Steve slowly kissed along your neck before uncrossing your legs and pushing them open, slowly dropping to his knees between. You couldn’t stop yourself from spreading them a bit further, your heart already thudding uncontrollably. “I’m sure it won’t be a problem to reheat it later…”

He helped you out of your pants as quickly as possible, admiring the pretty underwear he had seen before. You had no idea how many times Steve had seen women in underwear before but if he looked at all of them like that you definitely felt some kind of jealousy. No man had ever looked at you like that, his soft lips gently kissing your thighs, not really doing anything else.

Slowly kissing up to your core, Steve felt his own dick harden, but he decided to ignore it for now. All that mattered was to make you feel good-and he hoped he’d do it right.

His lips finally found your slip, slowly kissing your dressed pussy, his tongue licking over the material teasingly, curious. A quiet moan rumbled in your throat while you pulled his head a bit closer.

“Fuck Stevie-“, you moaned when he pushed the slip aside and licked over your slit, his nose nudging your clit unintentionally. You tried to push down your slip but before it could go any down Steve grabbed the material and yanked it from your body, ripping the material apart.

This made you gasp even louder, even a bit surprised. You had no time to say anything, Steve’s tongue immediately entering your hole licking up the wetness. His arms wrap around your thighs, holding you against his mouth as he moans against your core, his arms tightening.

You moved your hips against his lips, grinding against his face. He was all enthusiasm, lacking the finesse of an experienced man but his eagerness made up for it, especially when he started sucking on your clit. When you felt your high coming closer two of Steve’s fingers pushed in your hole, feeling how your walls throbbed around his digits. A quiet curse left his lips imagining how it’d feel to really fuck you. So warm and wet. How your pussy would tightly grip him.

“Curl your fingers upwards-and-and suck on my clit-I’m so fucking close babyboy.” Gasping louder when Steve did what you said you felt your peak approach. Steve felt how your muscles tightened around his fingers.

For not being experienced Steve sure did know how to use his mouth, having you moaning and shaking in no time. “I want to see you come-wanna make you come”, Steve moaned into your core, slurping and smacking loudly.

He looked up at you from under his eyelashes. His eyes being a bit glazed over, the blue being swallowed by his black pupils. A sudden urge overcoming him he definitely needed to try. “Mommy, please.”

And he was right.

Wetness gushed around his fingers, your walls sucking him in, your face scrunched up in pleasure. “Oh babyboy-you’re incredible”, after riding out your orgasm you slowly released the grip on his hair, moving your hand to lift his chin, running your thumb along his lips, the wetness glistening on his face.

A little smile widening over your lips. He was breathing hard and his eyes were all soft and needy. Your cum dripped from his chin onto his hoodie having left a wet spot behind.

Fuck.

“Sweetheart, you’re amazing.” , you mumbled, kissing his forehead before pulling him up and next to you onto the couch. “I’ll help you better with that…” Your hand trailed down his chest, but before you could grab his belt he stopped you. “It was about you, not me”, Steve kissed your knuckles. After taking off his hoodie he threw it over the back of the couch, an uneasy feeling erupting in your chest. Didn’t he even want a bit cuddling? You always enjoyed a hug after being intimate, but at the same time you knew you shouldn’t be thinking about it that way. It’s not like you were together. It was strictly business.

Steve kissed your forehead and took the food from the table. “I’ll warm the food up, you should wear something more comfortable than your work clothes-I thought we could watch a movie together”, he seemed sure about his words, but still seemed somehow nervous.

Which he was.

Because he now realized he had called you mommy.

And you seemed to enjoy it more than he’d imagine you’d do.

But the worst part of that?

He had definitely enjoyed it even more.

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