#eventually I want to get things organized to make it easier on myself

[universal-kitty]

    “Wow, my thoughts are all jumbled up! I wish I had a place to put them all down-” Remembers this blog. “Oh right.”

    Anyways!!!! Thinking abt my SI, Rahela, again... Still giddy over the idea that- as half-assed as it is- I’ve been working my ass off on the fake language she and her Mama used! I need to at least start making it more coherent, but... Man, I’d love to turn this into a full thing at some point. Get linguistic help, y’know?

    Anyways, have an example of what working with that has been like:

What is said: Uest asita sadice takett uset un bez. Nages un mutte-fis!

What it translates to (approx.): You will let me thank you for this. Bad to deny it!

[keitea]

haikyuu guys as the types of study partners

[note: cw!swearing other than that nothing else! this is a little self-indulgent (yet again) AHAHA studying for long hours really exhausts the shit out of me and sometimes my breaks are too long :( but to students out there, always prioritise your health and well-being first!]

[note 2: i wrote this months ago while studying for finals and forgot about it ㅠㅠ but i'll post it anyway hehe enjoy~]

— miya twins

you should just run away at this point

naur i'm joking

anyways they're probably not so clueless that you'll have to teach them everything

it does help that they're twins, because mfs will compete over everything

that includes grades

imagine you're tutoring them in chemistry and they don't understand anything in the first lesson

you kinda blow it off because you understand that it's difficult to process organic chemistry in a day (i fucking love organic chem)

however in the next lesson they show up with their worksheets done and they bombard you with questions

needless to say it makes your job a lot easier

bonus: they always bet on how many bowls of ramen the loser would buy. let's just say they've had their fair share of suffering for a month :)

"okay 'tsumu, how much did you get?" he raises his paper proudly, displaying the 73/100 grade for chemistry. "hAH! ONE MARK HIGHER YA DUMBASS!" osamu starts cheering, rubbing his victory into atsumu's face.

you mentally facepalm at the sight in front of you, silently begging for kita to show up.

"need help?" suna pops out of nowhere, eyeing the twins with a grin on his face.

"not the person i was expecting but go ahead."

— akaashi keiji

helps but you can tell he’s done with you at times

he knows math isn't easy (i throw myself off a cliff everytime i do a math paper i hate it here)

it's hard for you to process anything related to math, and you often have to dedicate hours after hours just to get a decent grade

that alone is time-consuming and a very dreaded period of time

mainly because you struggle to understand shit and you're just demoralised and unmotivated

keiji has noticed this for a while and offers to help!

at first he's quite understanding with how much more effort you need to put in, but as time passes and exams are around the corner, he gets more stressed because you're panicking and still don't get anything

(when i say this is self-indulgent, i'm projecting my own suffering here)

BUT you two eventually work things out smoothly and yall got the grades you wanted :) until his history paper got a little messed up and you offered to help him out :)

and then you experience how he probably felt when he was teaching you math

"keiji, just think that britain and france were not it." he furrows his eyebrows and stares at you. "but why?"

you try not to sigh in exasperation, but you've repeated yourself for the nth time and it isn't processing in his head. you could practically hear the gears in his brain try to shift.

you have to thank him for teaching you math.

".. y'know sometimes you don't have to know everything," there's a pause and you know keiji was just waiting ".. well it's because they prioritised their national interests and because WW1 fucked up their economy??"

"…" "is your brain too overloaded with soviet union's history?"

"clearly," and this makes you both laugh painfully.

[practicalsolarpunk]

I was raised by parents who never taught me the basics of anything. I’m trying to learn how to do the basics of taking care of myself and others in a solar punk way. Do you have any recommendations on where to start. All i know how to do is sew and i have a basic grip on how to garden

This is a really fantastic question, and I actually have a basics/getting started masterpost in progress that you'll probably find helpful once I get it finished. In the meantime, here are some thoughts.

When it comes to deciding where to start, many people want to jump into something big - start a community garden or organize a renter's union in their building or convert their whole apartment to solar power. But if you're starting from a place of "my parents taught me nothing useful," think smaller. Learn how to take care of yourself first, and then you can expand it to others. Like a garden, you have to plant the tiny seeds first and invest time and water in them before you get big plants that can feed others.

Since you didn't mention any specific basics or skills you want resources and thoughts on, I'm going to cover a lot of general ones here. If there are specific areas you want more information/resources on, please feel free to respond (or send in another ask)!

Gardening: I stand by the assertion that the best way to learn about gardening is throw some seeds at some dirt and see what happens. If you're an apartment-dweller with no balcony or patio, try a small pot or a bottle tower garden in a windowsill. Even one of those houseplants that survives in low light will give you experience in what a plant needs to live. This post has some resources for gardening without spending money.

Sewing: I don't know if your sewing skills extend to mending, but if not, it's definitely something to look into! I've made entire dresses and quilts and I still find most of my sewing is repairing and mending other stuff. We have a mending tag, but I also love YouTube for this. Searching "how to mend X" (e.g. "how to mend hole in crotch of jeans") gives you a bunch of awesome tutorials. (And if you want to learn more sewing techniques, I highly recommend historical sewers on YouTube - Bernadette Banner and Morgan Donner are my favorites.)

Cooking: This is one of those things that's great for you (easier to feed yourself), great for gardening (growing fresh veggies is even more useful if you can cook things out of them), and great for community (humans be bonding over food). I don't have any particular resources for this, as my general philosophy is "if you can read, you can cook" - a good recipe will tell you everything you need to know to make it. If you don't have a good cookbook to work from, Smitten Kitchen has very clear recipes, many of which aren't difficult or time-consuming at all.

Building Community: One of the foundations of solarpunk is that it's about community. Even if you start out doing it by yourself, eventually you need a community to do bigger things. My favorite way to start is by meeting the neighbors. Taking over some food (cookies are great) and introducing yourself is a great way to open a relationship. We also have a community building tag for more ideas.

Finances: Not the most solarpunk of topics, but we have to be able to financially survive the current capitalist hellscape if we want to be able to do anything useful for anyone. I highly recommend Bitches Get Riches for this (website here, tumblr here). They're not specifically solarpunk, but they do have the "anticapitalist punk big sister" thing going on.

Integrate the 7 R's: There are more R's to sustainable living than just "Reduce Reuse Recycle". See this post for a primer.

Explore permaculture as a design system: Permaculture is often understood as a method of gardening, which isn't really accurate. It's actually a design system that can be used for a bunch of different areas of your life to make them more eco-friendly/solarpunk. I highly recommend Heather Jo Flores's work for more about this concept - this article is a good place to start.

I'm sure there are more things that I'm not thinking of right now. If you have more specific questions or topics you want me to cover, please ask! I love tracking down resources for people, too, so if I don't already have something I'll do my very best to find it.

- Mod J

[darlingmazzie]

✎ rp search / intro .ᐟ

im mazzie ! 23 - she/they - queer - co. mst

i've been roleplaying for roughly 12 years. started on quizilla, then wattpad, then kik and amino, and i took a year or so break before i decided to try finding partners on tumblr too c:

— 🐚 i roleplay in 3rd person literate style. anywhere from one paragraph, semi lit, lit, to borderline novella style. i prefer somewhere in the middle, but will match your length/style ! (i will also type in lowercase like this ooc but i promise i have real grammatical skills lmao)

—🍙 i roleplay exclusively on discord. if you're interested please dm me @ darlingmazzie ! id like to eventually make us a private server so we can more easily organize everything, and its also easier to talk & be friends ooc that way c:

— 🎧 i exclusively roleplay ocs and prefer oc x oc pairings. i will roleplay within fandoms/canon universes, but only with original characters. the exception to this is dragon age (origins, two, or inquisition), in which case i will do either oc x oc or oc x cc pairings. the only chars i wont play in da are cullen and aveline </3 if you want to play canon characters in any of these, thats fine! i just wont do it myself, im not super comfortable with it/afraid of being super ooc

— 🧸 fandoms i am familiar with: dragon age, tes: oblivion, tes: skyrim, fallout (3, NV, 4), fable 2 and 3, game of thrones (not asoiaf), d&d settings, lord of the rings/the hobbit, altered carbon, stranger things,

— 💿 i will do any pairing, but prefer pairings with female characters because i just prefer playing women. most comfortable with m/f, followed by f/f (or gn/f), but i will do any other pairing, including poly pairings/relationships (i love them sm) !! i prefer to play more than one character per roleplay/doubling up anyway :) optional tho!!

— 🤍 i prefer to do roleplays with romance and much prefer to include smut. (can be occasionally or often, just lemme know how comfy you are with it!) because of this, i wont roleplay with anyone below 20. i'm almost 24 and rpimg smut with anyone younger makes me feel icky. if you never roleplay smut or do so extremely rarely, we probably wouldn't be a very good match :c

— 💭 favorite genres: apocalypse, dystopian, fantasy/occult/supernatural, sci fi, semi historical, historical fantasy, horror adjacent. will do more casual settings, slice of life, college settings, even more cutesie things (preg/family rps, etc).

— 🪩 i have very very few triggers and love exploring dark content and themes (stalking, slashers, blood magic, demons, mental illness, angst, death, etc) alongside everything else, especially in horror adjacent plots. the only thing i have a hard line on is oc/character death (unless we really really discuss it before hand!)

— ✉️ i would prefer to come up with a plot together or discuss things we both want (and possibly create ocs specifically for the roleplay), but i am working on getting some carrds for my currently 'pre-made' ocs and scenarios that i am more than okay with using !! links will be up soon <3

[bettsfic]

2023 WIP cleanout

a couple years ago i did a major WIP cleanout and it was very satisfying, and i've been bummed out lately so i'm doing it again to cheer myself up.

i have about 200k worth of unposted/unfinished fic, and i'd like to make a decent dent in that. when i listed out my WIPs i was surprised to find that most of them i'd written past the 50% mark and for whatever reason, the fic went an unanticipated direction. instead of fixing it, i moved on. the problem is that usually the unanticipated direction is something cool and that i want to pursue, but would make the fic longer and more complicated than i want it to be, and more work than i want to put into it. once i get enough distance from a fic, it's a lot easier to see how to get it back on track.

there are many things i set down and never think about again, but if it sticks in my head for longer than a couple months, then i know i need to come back to it eventually.

so this is my accountability thread! and i'm going to lay out the steps i took to triage these fics and get them posted, in case it helps anyone struggling with the same problem.

here are the things on my WIP cleanout list:

(Organic Chemistry isn't on this list because i'm actively working on it, albeit slowly)

Wind of the New World

Annie/Finnick, The Hunger Games (ASE epilogue)

started August 2020

this one is what inspired the cleanout, and as of yesterday it is DONE and POSTED. for the longest time it sat at about 7k when i knew it would be 10k, and i couldn't make myself write the last 3k because somehow it turned into a threesome fic with Gale and it took me a loooong time to let go of that idea. also, it required a lot of canon knowledge, which faded the longer i kept it on the backburner.

to finish it, i:

killed a few darlings (Finnick's crush on Gale)

down drafted the scenes i hadn't yet written

reread ASE while taking notes

rewatched Mockingjay 2 while taking notes

transcribed several scenes of Mockingjay 2

made a punch list of things i wanted to fix/rearrange/expand on

up drafted, dental drafted, and posted

completing it took about 15 hours across 3 days.

Stray

Lumine/Razor, Genshin Impact

started April 2021

this is an alternate beginning to genshin where the traveler finds Razor instead of Paimon. it stalled out at 5k because i wanted it to be rated M and i also wanted the characters to get all the way to Liyue, but both of those things were far more work than i wanted to put into it. so now it'll be rated G and end when they reach Mondstadt. i don't anticipate it will be more than 7k.

Before the Suns Rise

Anakin/Padme/Obi-Wan, Star Wars

started June 2022

this one is nearly 45k and about 95% done. i set it down because 1) i got to the threesome part and writing threesomes is hard, 2) i hadn't watched the Clone Wars or Rebels yet and so i was self-conscious about my knowledge of canon, and 3) i got distracted by Lemon.

another thing that a lot of these WIPs have in common is that they're very closely tied to canon and therefore have Plot and even though i can do Plot, i find it exhausting and a little tedious.

this is a post-Vader, alt-OWK timeline fic. in the 20+ star wars fics i've written, only 5 of them are in any way related to canon, and they're all one-shots. so this one is going to be hard.

i anticipate it'll only take 5k to finish, for a total of 50k and 14 chapters.

Patronage

Seungho/Nakyum, Painter of the Night

started October 2021

this is my Patreon AU that's over 10k already. in it, Seungho is married to Jihwa (and cheating on him with Nakyum) and i wanted to write the whole thing through to their divorce (and Seungho Getting A Real Job), but that is just. a lot. so i'm going to write only to Seungho finally giving in to his feelings for Nakyum, with the knowledge that after season 4 is finished, i may want to continue it as a series and write the latter half as i'd intended.

i'll probably only add 1-2k, for a total of 12k.

In Water Falling

Ahsoka/Rex, Star Wars

started November 2022

this was the first rexsoka fic i started working on when i finished Clone Wars. i got about 10k in, scrapped it, wrote another 15k, scrapped it, and then started focusing on Organic Chemistry. also, i just got very frustrated with it. to fix this one, i think i need to lower my expectations of it, rearrange some plot points, and write the final 2-3 scenes.

maybe 3-4k more? hopefully it'll cap out under 20k.

There & Here

Chishiya/OFC, Alice in Borderland

started February 2023

in my defense, i set this one down, like. a week ago. there's nothing i'm stalled out on; i just have to finish it.

currently 25k, hopefully only 5k more, capping out under 30k. it's 4 chapters.

things i intend to finish later:

Good Bones - this is my Emergency Fic that i'm saving for when i'm too blocked to write anything else

Bomb Time - this is a BOSAS fix-it. i definitely want to finish it, but i'm going to wait until the film comes out in November, so i don't have to reread the book to remember what's going on

[olderthannetfic]

On the topic of speedrunning friends, hoo boy do I have a story for you.

It is so, so important to assert your boundaries if you find someone doing that to you, or even if you find yourself organically getting close weirdly quickly. A few years ago I made a friend online that I really hit it off with, same flavor of ND, same obsessions, had a ton of things in common, similar outlook on life, only person in the world I'd be inclined to call a soulmate at the time. Within half a year of meeting them I felt we were close enough to make them co-admin of fandom blog I run. Then they were traveling and wanted to send me a postcard from the location they were visiting, and were so excited about it I felt awkward about going "actually I'd rather not give out my address just yet" and turning them down. I also felt a little weird trying to set boundaries with them, because they were significantly younger than me, so me trying to "protect" myself from them felt silly if that makes sense? In the end, I felt awkward enough that I didn't even read the postcard, which should have been a red flag to myself at the time.

In hindsight - when that friendship crashed and burned - saying yes to the postcard was one of the times I wish I'd slowed things down and asserted my boundaries early on. Not only did they later resent me for not telling them when we did eventually have that conversation, it also made it harder to push back when they got SUPER controlling. I could easily fill ten pages just talking about it, but they devolved into spiraling over any perceived or real change in me or in our fandom community, because it meant things were Changing and change was always for the worst because it meant they would end up abandoned and alone.

I broke things off when their fear of abandonment came to dominate every single conversation, including conversations about shitty things they'd said to me due to said fear of abandonment.

In hindsight, they're probably suffering from rampant undiagnosed and unmanaged BPD. I hope they're getting help and working on it (though from their socials, it doesn't look like it), but for the longest time I also blamed myself for letting things get so far, for all the times I responded to their antics by trying to comfort and educate them (again, I'm older but could relate a lot to what they were going through so a lot of the time I was operating on a sort of "if I don't understand them and help them overcome this, who will?" logic) instead of setting boundaries. I mean, I still blame myself, but enough time has passed that I no longer feel like shit about it. On the flip side, I was utterly flabbargasted by the sheer amount of delayed anger at them I developed over the next few years, after we stopped talking. When I broke the friendship off, it had been a difficult decision but a huge relief at the time. A year later I was mad at myself for not breaking it off months earlier and, upon rereading old messages, couldn't believe I'd let them say all that shit to me and had still kept talking to them afterwards.

Anyway, lesson of the day: Don't rush into friendship milestones if you feel uncomfortable, even if you feel like you "should" for whatever reason. Also, while we're at it, if you're in your mid twenties maybe don't become close friends with someone in their late teens? Even if you don't feel the age difference because you're too much of a disaster to feel like a Proper Adult(TM), trust me, it's there and makes it easier for things to get weird and toxic and codependent. A teenager who latches onto your friendship that fast is looking for a parent of the kind the never had, not a friend.

--

[friedbeetles]

Megatron & His Favorite Person Who Happens To Be A Human (Gender-Neutral) SFW HCs!!!

"I would never align myself with an organic, how dare you even suggest such a thing" [[Like 2 days later]] "This is (YOUR NAME) and they're an organic but hear me out guys what if- what if we kept them."

He. Doesn't know how to feel at first but eventually accepts it

Emotional constipation is maxed out on the Megatron build holy cow

Overly cautious with you, like if something that is one (1) degree above room temperature touches you you'll burn alive. He learns that you're not that fragile, but he cringes whenever he sees you go near an ice machine or stovetop

Physical Touch: Absolute cuddlebug. He hates touching you in the beginning because he (secretly) doesn't want to hurt you, and now he freely waltzes down the halls of the Nemesis with you held to his chassis, a ridiculous smug look on his face. He doesn't like kisses because he can't kiss you back and he thinks its unfair.

Words of Affirmation: Doesn't know how to praise people, only how to order them around... however. Whenever you give him the slightest bit of praise, he just blue screens and stands there like a buffoon. An absolute creature, caught in headlights. He loves it, but not in front of other people.

Quality Time: He brings you everywhere, unless you explicitly say you don't want to go. His favorite thing is putting you on his desk while he does paperwork, because it makes the work "easier." He definitely prefers time outside of work, though, because he would absolutely hunker down with you under the covers and just lay there for the rest of eternity, talking about "stupid Autobots" and "did I remember to send Starscream that schedule change?" and "you smell nice"

Gift Giving: Not very big on it, because he doesn't know what humans like, but if you explicitly say you want something, it will "magically and mysteriously" appear on your side of the bed within 24 hours. He doesn't like receiving gifts, though.

Acts of Service: Breakfast in bed? Served to you on a silver platter. Headache from loud noises? Here's some water and medicine to help with the pain. Craving something specific? Already in the pantry, let me go get it for you. Oh, you got something for me? *sniffling through tears* "ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ."

[schrodingers-slut]

I don’t think abled people, and even a lot of neurodivergent people, truly understand what “higher education is designed to be inaccessible for disabled people” actually means.

Accommodations are great until they aren’t enough. Because eventually it’s possible to reach a point where you’re met with “well I’m sure that would make it easier but we can’t do that .” This is usually accompanied by a little chuckle because obviously they can’t make things that easy, something they expect you to understand.

Because at the end of the day the way to accommodate me would be to cover my tuition rent and all expenses and allow me to take one class a semester with untimed open note tests in a secluded room with a personal tutor who specializes in teaching students with learning disorders while providing any resources necessary for free.

Or even better, what I’d ideally need to truly learn would be a form of apprenticeship (not available in my line of work) with an individual of my choice who is able to accommodate for my disabilities and personally give me undivided direction in my chosen field.

And that is too much. The accommodations I need do not exist because they are not feasible under capitalism. They would not be economically efficient, there is no protocol or track for this kind of study unless my GPA is significantly higher. Unless I jump through hoops and do meaningless tasks to prove I deserve this kind of treatment.

I am not yet a valuable enough resource to justify the amount of effort it would take on the part of others to help me make myself a valuable resource.

I am just one person and no committee or organization can justify the resources and investment required to truly accommodate me.

Because the idea is that academia is supposed to be hard. It’s supposed to be a competition to see who can do the most with the least resources and preform the best under duress and a time limit.

That is what I mean when I say academia is not built for people like me to succeed. It is built to root out people like me. People like me are supposed to be drop outs because we hit dead ends and “maybe college just isn’t for you, there’s no shame in that.”

But the job I want, the things I want to do, require a bachelors at minimum.

But people like me don’t get those.

I’m fighting a losing battle but there’s no glory in losing. It’s only impressive if I win, but it’s designed so people like me don’t win. Winning would make me a genius, an anomaly, losing just makes me another statistic.

[vera-king-hrfl]

Goodnight Kiss part 2. This one was easier. Mainly because I have a massive crush on Dammon. I do usually make him a bit more naughty, but bro actually liked Avernus, so...

In the morning, you steel yourself and exit the tower with determination. You can’t talk to Lia about this. Can’t talk to Rolan. You need someone who is more experienced with this sort of thing. Your brother had returned late, but, hopefully, your intended confidant would be up and about. As you approach the forge, you hear the ringing of a hammer, and hesitate. He’s awake already, slamming his hammer into soft metal. You round the corner and he’s there, his silky stupid hair in a little knot, his stupid muscles rippling in the morning light. He won’t answer you until he’s done with whatever he is working on, so you just sit silently on the ledge nearby and watch him. He glances up, flashing you a devastating smile, before going back to his work. His focus is lovely, and watching him work has always been one of your favorite distractions, so you don’t have a problem waiting. Dammon enjoys being looked at, you know, a pleased little smile on his face as he finishes whatever he’s making.

Eventually, he hits the last blow and plunges whatever it is into a barrel of water, letting it hiss and sputter as he wipes his hands. “Hi Cal. What can I do for you?”

You hadn’t thought of how to bring this up to the handsome tiefling, and you stammer for a second before coming out with it. “There is something… I’m having a hard time. Can I ask you something?”

His face becomes more serious when he sees how earnest you are. “Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything. Let’s go around the back.” He leads you to a little covered porch, drawing two cups of small ale from a small keg, before handing you one and motioning to a chair, bidding you sit beside him.

You sit and sip at the weak beer, organizing your thoughts for a minute, then clear your throat. “Dammon… how do you get a girl to like you?”

The older man chuckles. “So it’s like that, is it? I’m not sure if I’m really the best person to give you advice, but I’ll try.” He grins. “I used to be really shy too. You remember. But the time we spent in Avernus, with all those devils… now I kind of just ask if they want a piece. Gets me smacked, occasionally, but it works as often as not. Who’s the lucky lady? Or is this just a general question?”

You smirk to yourself a bit. It worked on Rolan, you think. You cough lightly to cover it. “Yeah but you look… well, like you. And this is different. I… just a girl I know and, well, I walked her home last night and I couldn’t even talk, much less make inappropriate suggestions. I was too nervous. I don’t just want… that. I like her and I want her to like me too, but I’m not very interesting, or handsome, or like… I don’t know. It’s probably never going to happen.” You take another drink, disgruntled.

Dammon laughs. “You think too little of yourself. Don’t worry about what I look like, Cal. I never got much attention either, until I built up my confidence a little. Not the kind I wanted, anyway. Look, I know everyone is going to tell you to just be yourself and stuff like that, but I had to become… I guess, a different version of myself. I had to stop caring what people thought of me. But you’re not like that. You’re so sweet. And you are attractive, whatever you might believe. I’m sure the lady thinks so too.”

Well… she had said that you were cuter than an ogre, anyway, so that was something. “But how can I tell if she likes me? I don’t want to get smacked if I say the wrong thing. This one uses magic… hells, Dammon. It’s Tav. She could blast me through a wall if she didn’t like it.”

Dammon sits straighter and whistles low. “Really? Well I can’t help you much there, I struck out with her. She was polite about it, and I remain mercifully unsquished, but I’m not really sure what she likes. I’ve never noticed that she’s really been interested in anyone. Can you describe what happened when you walked her home? What was she like?”

You feel annoyed that Dammon had tried to seduce Tav, or whatever he did, but relieved that he hadn’t managed it. “I don’t know. I guess… She was quiet, too. She walked next to me, kind of close, you know? Like, her hand touched mine sometimes. Made me nervous. Then when we got to her house, she just kind of stared at me for a minute. I thought she was offended about something, maybe because I didn’t talk… so I just babbled something and she said goodnight and I basically ran away.”

Dammon shakes his head with a chuckle. “Oh you are delightfully clueless, aren’t you? She does like you, Cal. Trust me. Tav can talk a mile a minute about anything under the sun, for hours on end, and she definitely isn’t shy in most circumstances. If she was as mute as you were, then she was probably feeling the same way. Think about it. How close she was, the hand touching. The girl won’t get within ten feet of me since I… uh… you know, not unless there are other people around. She’s the same with most people who show any interest in her, she’s not a flirt. I bet when you got to her door, when she looked at you like that… she was probably hoping you’d kiss her.”

Your face heats, thinking about how she looked. Her eyes big and golden, little teeth biting that plump bottom lip… maybe… but that brings you to your next problem. “I don’t really know how,” you mumble.

His blue eyes widen. “Really? But…” he laughs, “I am surprised. You really are adorable, you know. I find it hard to believe nobody has ever tried to kiss you.” He flashes his teeth at you. “I might have, once, but your brother would have turned me into a sheep.”

You blush even more fiercely, stammering, “well… um… maybe some people have, but I always wanted it to be… you know… someone special. But now I realize that I don’t even know how to do it. Where to put my hands…”

“That depends on where she wants them. But I can help with that, I think. Stand up, I’ll show you a few things.” He gets to his feet, but you just stare at him, feeling like your hair is going to burst into flames. Did he really mean…

He laughs again. “Don’t worry Cal, I won’t kiss you. I understand that you’re saving yourself. It’s sweet. But this kind of thing is hard to describe.”

You rise and put down your mug, wiping your sweaty hands on your pants. Dammon is taller than you, bigger, and you feel his energy when he comes close. He isn’t what you want, but it is kind of thrilling, having him so near. He takes a breath, “Alright, so. We’re going to keep this a bit chaste.” He lifts his hand and touches your cheek. “Close your eyes. Just feel it.” You do, and he slips his big, rough hand, slowly, up behind your ear and into your hair. You feel his heat move closer, and his other hand rests lightly on your waist. He’s whispering now. “Like this, you see? Don’t grip, just… ease into it. Give her some time to pull away if she wants to. If she likes it, she’ll touch you back.” You raise your own hands, touching his own waist, gripping the back of his arm lightly, “yeah, just like that. It’s instinctive. Then you lower your head, but not all the way.” You feel his warm breath against your lips, a little tingle racing down your spine to the tip of your tail. He really is good at this… “and that’s the thing. You don’t kiss her, you just… invite it. If she wants to, she’ll do the rest.” You are almost disappointed when he pulls away, and you have to shake yourself to dispel the effect. If you could do that to her…

“Does that help a bit?” Dammon resumes his chair and picks up his mug, grinning as you finish yours and nod, preparing to leave. It takes a second to find your voice again, but you smile at him and shake his hand.

“Yeah, it just might. Thanks, Dammon. That was… interesting.” You are turning to go when the devilish impulse hits you. “I can see why Rolan likes you.” You hear him choke and spit a mouthful of ale, and speed up, grinning as you round the corner of the house.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for separating from my (now ex) groom to protect her?

So I've been involved with this situation where whoever holds a certain title gained through combat gets to be my future groom thanks to my rotten father, and while before I was trying to get to Earth to escape it all, the title ended up being (accidentally) won in a duel by this girl who chose to fight for me when she barely even knew me, since she didn't like how my previous groom was treating me. I did still want to go to Earth after this, but over time, I began getting to know her better, and eventually, I didn't want to or have to run away, all because of her, and now all I want is to be with her.

The problem is her mother, as well as everything around the duels which got her the title of my groom in the first place. My ex-groom would do anything her mother tells her, and told me once that she would even go as far as killing if her mother told her to, because she believes every word her mother tells her and thinks she's always right, even when I'm not sure that her mother has her best intentions in mind, especially because I know that her mother has mostly revenge in mind at this point. I confronted her mother about this, and told her to keep my ex-groom away from everything involving her revenge and the duels, since I just want her to be safe from it all.

Eventually, we agreed on a plan which would keep my groom safe, which is where I may be TA. My father has been in a coma for a while now, but he had a secret project that I had taken his place in earlier due to my groom's mother, as well as a lot of power in the business world, and my groom's mother wanted me to take over his company as well. I agreed, but another condition was added, one which would get my groom out of the picture, but would still probably hurt her. For what had just become my 17th birthday, the age at which I want meant to be married, I organized a duel between my groom and the guy who was my groom before her. The terms were set so that if the guy who was previously my groom before won, he would not only become my groom, but he would take what my groom used to battle with him, which was an important stake due to it both removing my groom from the duels and being an important part of my groom's mother's own plans, though I knew it would hurt my groom further, because she basically saw it as a sister. The thing is, I rigged it against her, since I installed an app onto her handbook which would shut down her mech entirely and cause her to lose.

When she was fighting and I was about to cause her to lose, she began talking about how much she was looking forward to marrying me and being with me, which made it very difficult to cause her to give up our relationship, but I caused her to lose anyways, and afterwards, I took back the title of my groom rom my now ex-groom, gave her back a gift she gave me before and said goodbye, while trying to distance myself from her to make it easier for her to move on.

I feel horrible about it now. I know I hurt her, but I know I needed to to protect her. I'm not in her life anymore, but neither is her mother, so she's safe from her revenge, and neither are the duels she was part of, so she's safe from that all. I know there's no true freedom from the weapons used in those duels, but she's not being controlled anymore, she's safe and I hope that she's begun to move on and live life without anybody else's control or influence. I hate going on without her, and saying it's painful to go on with her mother's plans instead of spending every day with her would be an understatement, but I know I kept her safe. Still, I did take everything from her just to keep her safe, including what she viewed as a sister and our whole relationship, I was harsher than I would have liked to have been, I did practically publically divorce her and I didn't tell her anything because I was afraid she'd go against my attempts to keep her safe, so, I need to ask, AITA?

[fallsekings]

OOC: just some advice in case it may help even just one of my followers.

I don't know who this may help to hear, but if you're dealing with anxiety, trauma, or anything like that, and you feel like your thoughts are your enemy, I want you to know that you are not your brain and your brain doesn't have to be in control. This is a lesson that I keep forgetting, at least in the moment that something happens and racing thoughts make things seem like it's the end of the world.

I know it sounds weird to think that you are not your brain. But it's the truth. You're not your brain. Your brain is an organ like anything else and it's job is to protect you from being hurt. But when you're so used to being hurt, it's always turned on and looking for threats, because that's all it knows. That's how it's been programmed, like a computer, by the outside world.

In reality, your brain can be an unruly child, and we have to learn that we can discipline it and make it learn to behave. When thoughts are starting to get carried away from you, you have to ask yourself, are we in danger? Look around the room to prove to it that you're not in any danger. That you're okay. That nothing is there to harm you. This is called mindfulness. We have to catch our brains going on full alert and firing signals to our bodies that it's in danger. We can take negative thoughts and tell ourselves to stop and think about things more logically. This isn't easy, trust me, I know. But if we can catch our thoughts in their tracks, tell our brains to stop and slow down, then we can try rationalizing the situation... Because sometimes our brains makes things out to be worse than they really are.

But again, this is because your brain adapts to the situations that it's used to, and it's only trying to protect you from being hurt any further. So be kind to yourself and to your brain for trying to do so.

I should also mention that it is not productive to be negative when you're trying to reason with your brain. Don't think things like, "this situation is stupid, so there's no point in worrying about it." Because obviously this situation is important to youl otherwise you wouldn't be worried about it. Be more kind to yourself and just be like, "I'm not in any danger, the worst that can happen is this, so please calm down, because it may not even happen. We're okay."

For a while I did believe that my brain is me and that we're at the mercy of our own thoughts. But if we can separate ourselves from our thoughts, then we can learn to be in control of our brain, and not our brain being in control of us. This actually isn't an easy process, it's a taught skill. If you're brain has been programmed to behave in a certain way, certainly it will take some time to program it to behave differently, too. So give this a try, and if it fails the first time or two, please don't worry. Be kind to yourself and keep trying. I still have a long way to go myself. I am not perfect at doing this. It really does take some time, but it eventually gets easier to catch these thoughts and turn them around into something more productive for you, the more that you practice it.

[maedaeme]

OUGH ALRIGHT magni backstory ramble time under the cut. was putting this off just in case i wanted to make changes but now i'm committed.

and later im not going to be able to stop myself from rambling abt his companion connections at length so i'm dropping this here as the starting point to keep me CONSISTENT.

refers to mild act 2 spoilers because I need to be a little bit unhinged about things. currently in act 3, but i'm saving that for later because there is so much happening. anyway

bullet point backstory bc it's 11 pm. what up.

used to be a priest(ess) of lolth. raised among devout lolth-sworn, which of course gives him baggage he doesn't even realize exists until like halfway through the game.

'i had a normal childhood' - guy who very much did not have a normal childhood. am i projecting my religious trauma here. who can say

very committed. basically used serving lolth as an elaborate excuse to get away with whatever selfish whims popped into his head

worked alongside two other, equally terrible priestesses under the mutual understanding that they were only 'allies' until they could stab each other in the back

last one standing is loth's fav. you know how it is

did in fact get stabbed in the back when one of them uncovered a secret of his and used it to oust him

fully accepted he was going to get sacrificed to lolth. was pretty chill with it, actually. as far as he was concerned it only made sense.

the priestess who ousted him decided it would be meaner to banish him to the surface instead

she was correct.

became SO INCENSED at being told he was not a worthy sacrifice that it became ALL he cared about

like. he refused to wrap his brain around it, so he just went 'fine, i will claw my way up from the dirt and eat bugs or whatever and i WILL become so fucking impressive that when i come back DOWN here you will HAVE to sacrifice me. that's how good i'll be.

'also maybe i'll trans my gender while i'm at it bc at this point I Have Nothing To Lose'

lost ability to use magic in the middle of this and just refused to think about the 'god abandoned me' implications

knew nothing about the surface. broke into places, stole, and murdered to survive. discovered life was easier if you got good at lying, just in case you got caught stealing. and he was already Very good at lying.

once he got it all figured out, he fell into organized crime VERY easily, while still secretly holding onto his General Disdain for everyone around him. this was not hard to do. people are shitty to you when you're a drow.

spent a couple decades fighting, stealing, and occasionally murdering if you paid him or annoyed him enough. mentally tucks away all of the crimes he does as 'for lolth' even though he's lowkey aware that's not how that works. there's a bunch of complicated stuff going on in his brain up there and he is avoiding all of it.

basically he starts the game an expert manipulator who FULLY expects to just eventually murder these people he keeps picking up because it Has to be that way, except thru act 1 he. doesn't. and then he starts to get used to them. enough that at camp he starts to drop his Eternal Performance, which everyone initially writes off as 'magni being weirdly dismissive and blunt for some reason' until late act 1 when they realize 'oh wait. that's what he's REALLY LIKE. he was LYING.'

his feelings towards the companions and himself and his goals get incredibly complicated. sometimes he sucks. sometimes he doesn't. gale makes him ask himself questions he does not want to know the answer to, but he can't just let it GO now that he's asking them. the people around him are trusting him with their deepest secrets and desires and it is FREAKING HIM OUT because he doesn't know how to do anything with secrets except destroy. so he drops the act further thru act 2. except they're still doing it. because they know what he's like by now. and they know that sometimes! he refrains from doing the mean selfish thing! because they wouldn't like it! and he hates that he feels that way and is occasionally halfheartedly mean and petty later like it's going to make the uncomfortable taste in his mouth go away but he is forming attachments to these people and there is NOTHING he can do about that

anyway. i'm going to shake my laptop later re: gale being asked to Explode by his god and how it forces magni to look literally his Only Driving Goal For Decades (getting eaten by spiders) in the face and ask himself if that's really what he wanted, but i'm in full hyperfixation mode. also he just rly loves astarion. he can't say that word though. feels wrong in his mouth

it's also put him in the weird act 3 spot of being the person who has already ASKED himself the hard questions that everyone else is now asking. he is, for the first time ever, somewhat the reasonable one. which means he's gotta accept he thinks differently about things than he used to. which he doesn't like. but he's embraced the softness, he just doesn't want you to mention it.

and sometimes he just goes and stands in a cold lake at 1 am so he doesn't have to think about anything. you know how it goes

[donnerpartyofone]

so i'm reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, a development i never saw coming, because of two things i recently heard about it:

1. that one of its main points is that keeping your space clutter-free is actually a specific skill you need to acquire and not, as is popularly thought, something that you either naturally do because you're a good person, or that you refuse to do because you're a jerk or a failure. 2. that marie kondo found her calling in this area after suffering from some sort of cleaning-related nervous breakdown.

i've had problems with being clean and organized my entire life, and for the most part i just accepted the criticism that this is a matter of personal failing. as a more informed adult, it has become much easier for me to see my disorganization as one symptom among many of a bigger problem that is probably cognitive in nature. as a kid i was depressed and sort of oblivious to the "real world", which could make it easy for adults to assume that i just needed an attitude adjustment. (i don't even blame them, my parents were not psychologists, but anyway) as an adult i'm still depressed and instead of being oblivious, i care profoundly about being more functional, but just wanting to change, and trying as hard as i can, still don't seem to make a difference.

the first time it occurred to me that my problems may be more neurological than intent-related was when a sympathetic listener referred me to this helpful article:

but while i'm reading the kondo book, it also occurs to me that there's this whole ethos around being organized that's really oppressive. there's a feeling that being untidy is sort of a moral failure: that you are being a mess, on purpose or out of willful negligence, because you are disrespectful, inconsiderate, LAZY (is the big one), shortsighted, apathetic, or any number of other indicators of a human being with poor character. my messy room was one of the main points of friction between myself and my family until i left for college. never mind that i was also sleeping all the time, swinging constantly between sadness and outrage, and expressing suicidal ideation out loud from when i was in single digits; my apparent refusal to clean my room was seen as a separate issue, either a bratty behavior that i designed to piss off my parents, or at best, just a failure to learn to follow the rules.

i haven't finished kondo's book yet (because i'm still working on the exercise i'm about to describe), but it starts to become clear that there are important psychological underpinnings of one's hygiene-related behavior. kondo doesn't come right out and describe her own personal problems (not yet anyway! don't spoil it for me if she does!), but you start to realize a few things from her snippets of biographical information: for instance, she makes it clear that she was alone a lot as a child. she seems to have lived a very separate existence from her siblings, and instead of socializing with schoolmates, she spent all of her time researching and implementing new ways of cleaning and organizing both her home and her school rooms. she describes this as an all-consuming compulsion that had a deleterious effect on her grades, and something is surely implied by her revelation that when a person switches from a pressing task, like studying for an exam, over to compulsively cleaning their space, they're being overtaken by a subconscious drive to Put In Order something that is bothering them deep inside. (when i was trying to get through my final year of college i started taking several showers a day, but ANYWAY) and then of course, there is what i read elsewhere about how she was eventually so overwhelmed by her sisyphean struggle with clutter that she had some sort of collapse, after which she gained clarity on why disorder happens and what to do about it...

kondo reiterates the old pop psychology truism that for a person to change, they have to really want to change, and she has a smart way of getting the reader to access their own obscure but potentially powerful motivations for wanting to get organized. she gets you to ask yourself why you want to "tidy up", but you're not supposed to stop at pat answers like "i want more space" or "i want to entertain at home" or whatever. you're supposed to then ask yourself what you want that cleanliness and space FOR, and as you keep asking yourself "why?" for every answer you come up with, you eventually start producing really detailed personal information about what kind of life you actually want to be leading. i suppose it's true that you could do this for any aspect of your existence, e.g. "why do you dress like that" or whatever, but there is something about starting with the basic issue of how and where you live that seems especially liable to make you face yourself. the whole "clean your room" thing is so loaded with psychic material related to family friction, intimacy issues, social prejudices that assign a moral quality to neatness/messiness, etc, that something deep is bound to come up. like when i start trying to answer marie kondo's question about why i'm even reading her book, two things come up: one answer relates to my sunniest aspirations about what kind of life i want to lead, to have the kind of future i want. the other answer is something more like, "i want to tidy up because once upon a time, grownups made me feel like i was actually a bad person for having a messy room/desk/locker/etc."

so my point is that even though The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is mainly aimed at practical, cosmetic changes to your lifestyle, under the surface there's this really deep psychological thing going on that's as potent to me as any of the more spiritual, personal, new age-y type of self-help material that i've encountered. like, you could pay thousands of dollars to let tony robbins put you up on a stage in front of screaming crying strangers so you can give them incredibly intimate details about the worst thing that ever happened to you...or you can do some basic exercises from this book about how to clean your room, and you might wind up with the same kind of startling clarity about yourself without even realizing that that's what you were about to do.

[aarons-main-blog]

This was originally a mini-fic that I was writing as a belated self birthday present to myself but then I made a new friend who listened to me infodump about Hyrule Warriors right as I was taking a break from working on it, so now this is a gift-fic instead! Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as Legend got back from inspecting the keep for himself, Warriors invited the chain into the strategy tent. He, Time, and strangely Wind had been inside working on a plan of attack to implement in the assault that would be taking place in two days. In the lantern-lit tent, there was a table set up with a map of the battle area hand-drawn in advance by one of the scouts. Along with this, there were various props, such as stitching pins and nails, among other things.

As soon as the group had organized after practically stumbling in, bumping into eachother as they tried to cram into the small tent, Wars began his explanation as to why the group was summoned, starting with a rundown of what needed to be done.

"We should have a minimum of one person guarding each keep," he said, adding pins to friendly-controlled keeps, "but we also need enough people on the battlefield to make sure that upon taking over more from the enemy, we aren't spread out too far and are unable to defend them," he added while using nails to mark those. Preparing for the next part, he pushed a spool of thread on the table. "We also need to make sure the the people on defense are able to be in communication with the attacking forces. Until the oppression mages are taken down, currier fairies are out of the question, leaving the only communication option being Wind's pirate charm and Wild's slate." At this, he sighed. "This brings us back to the argument we were having."

A quiet silence filled the room, broken by the sounds preparation outside the tent. Four eventually asked, "So what's the argument?"

Wind nodded dramatically. "Who has to get left behind."

Time scoffed quietly. "What he means is who gets positioned where. In order to make sure the defense is good, we need strong defenders, but in order to take over the monster camps in unstable positions, we need to have strong attackers. Some of us have skills that are good for defense, some are good offense, and some are good support, so we need to decide our positioning."

"We didn't want to assign people to areas they think they would be unhelpful, but also need to make sure that nobody is being overstretched," Wars added upon Time finishing his explanation. "The three of us have three different ideas, and as such we wanted to get feedback and vote on them."

Wind began talking over Wars while he was finishing his sentence, almost tripping over his own words as he explained his strategy. "My idea was to have me, Four, Legend, and Sky on the four frontal keeps, me on one of the middle ones, and then whenever an enemy keep is taken over, I tell whoever is nearest to move up and support it, allowing the forward troops to have a closer fallback point!" In order to make his point, he grabbed the thread and began unraveling a segment. He then tied the four pins representing friendly keeps together. "It would look like this," he added, moving the pins upward one at a time. After this, he took a proud step back.

After the group was finished looking, Wars reset the pins and removed the string. As he was doing this, Time began to speak. "My strategy would be to have Hyrule, Legend, Four, and Twilight at the friendly keeps, due to their healing and support abilities. This would make it easier to take up a defensive position in the case of something going horribly wrong, as Hyrule has healing magic, Four has the second best magic abilities in the group, Twilight is a strong fighter, and Legend has enough items to probably even create a rudimentary crossbow, assuming he doesn't already have one." This statement resulted in a few chuckles, but was quickly passed over. "The keep taking methods would be to take over two keeps at a time, with one group having Wind with the pirate charm and the other having Wild. Wild's group would focus on causing chaos withing the enemy keeps from the outside before charging in to break their formations, while my group would have myself and probably Sky rush in and do much the same."

Four scoffed from the front of the group gathered at the door. Upon eight confused looks being sent at his direction, he apologized with a shake of his head, along with the statement, "Sorry, just thinking of a probably bad idea."

Warriors brushed away his comment with a shrug. "No idea is stupid if it works, despite what my Impa would say to that. Bring it up after I'm done." He tucked his scarf back behind his neck after it fell from the force of the shrug. "My plan would be to have Sky, Four, Legend, Hyrule, and myself advancing and taking keeps as a group, prioritizing speed and efficiency during battle with short downtime in-between combat as we move from place to place. This leaves Wind, Wild, Twilight, and Time working in pairs in the back lines, in order to make sure if the burden on one keep is too much, another can come assist." After moving aside the unused props, Warriors fixed his scarf again.

Time grinned. "Alright, now that we've done that, let's put it to a vote." He raised his hand. "Those in favor of my plan, raise one hand. Those in favor of Wars's plan, hands down. Those in favor of Wind's, both hands up."

After counting up the results, it was reveled to be a three way tie. This resulted in multiple groans.

Wind groaned loudly. "Well, now what?"

"We could hold a second vote?" Hyrule stated.

"Yeah? What would be different the second go round," Legend pointed out with a grin.

As the group contemplated, Four decided to make his idea known. As he walked around the table, Warriors said, "Oh, sorry, let's hear your idea!" with a genuine smile.

After looking at the map for a few seconds, then the props Warriors had used, then back to the map, the exact moment he solidified his idea was visible on his face.

"What if we were to just... all rush into the enemy keeps as a group? The soldiers are positioned here guarding to keeps already, what's the problem with them doing their job?"

At that, the whole group paused, before the unacknowledged tension in the room dropped to none.

"Yeah, that would work-"

"I hadn't even thought about that-"

"They are there for a reason-"

"Could be pretty fun, why not-"

Simply based on that agreement, the meeting was unofficially adjourned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not going to tag them cause they seem shy, but this is for you! Thanks for listening to my rant!

[bumblebeerror]

Bumble’s older sibling adulting advice for the day is to learn how to clean your room on a regular basis, yes I fucking mean it

(I recommend weekly)

For me, cleaning my room is a weekly event that I do one one weekend day, and it involves at the bare minimum, picking up trash, emptying my trash can, taking all my dishes to the kitchen, vacuuming my floor. Additionally, I also aim to clean up my desk, clean the bunny cage, and scoop the litter box. If I have to, I also clean my fish tank, dust, and reorganize things that have gotten put back in the wrong places.

That’s step one of learning to clean your room: identify the tasks that NEED to be done VS tasks that should be done at some point.

Tasks that need to be done are tasks that keep the whole space more useful: cleaning the floor, putting away clothes, clearing away clutter mean you don’t have to feel gross, be anxious, or kick shit out of your way to walk across your room.

Tasks that should be done at some point can be put off without changing the overall usefulness of the space, but will eventually cause a detriment. (Eventually, the bunny cage will stink.)

Next: figure out how to make the tasks that NEED to be done as easy as possible. Stuff like getting a laundry basket to put dirty clothes in, labeled bins, cube organizers, a trash can, keeping trash bags in your room, whatever it is.

For example, I have a system with my clothes that if a shirt or pants or sweatshirt has been worn but isn’t dirty, and I would like to wear it again before I wash it, I have a cube organizer I use as a dresser and I put it back in an empty cube designated for that. If I don’t want to wear it again, it goes in the laundry basket or on the floor. Any clothes on the floor are automatically washed at the end of the week. It ensures that I never have to sort through whether my clothes are dirty or clean. They’re either in the dresser or on the floor. I also have a trash can right next to my desk where I spend the most time. It makes it so most of my trash is in certain areas, so I can go straight from one task to another without anything stopping me.

Last: either Make It Fun (play music, listen to a show, play a points based game with yourself, have a friend choose what you clean next, etc) or Give Yourself An Actual Reward when you are done.

I have severe ADHD so cleaning my room today took me about 4 hours, but has in the past taken me multiple DAYS. The best way I have managed to limit the amount of time I have to spend on this is by both making it fun for myself with music and also by giving myself a reward at the end. My reward is I can go play Minecraft now.

The last bit of advice: IF cleaning your room is taking you All Day on a regular basis, you need to either break up your tasks into two days, go easier on yourself when it comes to your task list, or find new systems to make your tasks easier. If something isn’t working and having to do it stresses you out, you need to find a new way to do it.

I promise you the mental relief of having a room that’s cleaned to your needs is a game changer.

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

I saw a post on twitter advising "If you want a business but you're not sure where to begin, start by building an audience around your interests." and I can't even begin to tell you how much I've failed, by doing that xD. It's not a bad advice, it's just that some people can't really do that effectively.

Like, when I decided to drop video editing cause I refused to create with stock taken from where I live cause I hate the place and nth inspires me and turnt to photomanips, I tried so hard to make it work but I wasn't social enough for it. I loved to create and I enjoyed finding other artists like me, follow them, support them etc, but I didn't know what to say past "Oh that's really cool" or sth. I couldn't build anything by involving myself with this community so, not getting connected in any way with other photomanipulators or people following for what I make eventually discouraged me, to the point I am now bored to death to spend time making an image if only my 3 friends and I are going to see it.

Then as far as music fandoms are concerned, all I could do is help people find more bands. I did reach a point when bands would ask me post their stuff on fb, but it was mostly indie European or American bands who were trying to do visual kei. And it was hard when they were tooo amateur, cause I couldn't tell them excuse me but you seem like you've just started music as a whole and you need a bit more experience before being exposed to a fandom. Sometimes fans were harsh to me too, like wtf are you posting, you know? I knew most people were following me for Japanese vkei bands so if you were going to be included, you had to have some decent presence and clear sound. I was offered one good thing once though, but I wasn't able to get it so...I was invited to cover a Gazette concert in France and I didn't have the money to go so...not much of a chance, but it brought tears to my eyes cause an organizing company as known as that, considered I was doing that of a good job to be considered equal, you know.

With writing it was the same as with photomanips, only, it was easier to have conversations with people because writing involves a more extensive story and stuff like tropes, writing style etc. But it was too time consuming. At some point I noticed I was spending more time reading other people's stuff and commenting than promoting my own stuff, plus, most people (not everyone) I interacted with weren't interested back in my own story. We were just playing question and answer games and no one wanted to get tagged. The first time I did it it was more successful, I actually had readers, but after a break I took to focus on my own writing, it was just me playing games with other writers and still feeling like I wasn't getting much back, cause past the games no one wanted to be tagged.

So yeah now I no longer want a business around my interests, cause the whole procedure made me hate creating. I just want to find sth I can do, like I have a skill good enough for that job to do it right and one that isn't thaaat unbearable for me to deal with on a daily basis. I don't know what that would be. All I know is that I want to make my own money somehow and get to live alone at once.