#every now and then i forget i have depression. then it hits again really hard and im like oh yeah hhaha. ow

[calamarispiderart]

mind in the notes app wowza

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

[bombuni]

contains: jongho x reader, comfort, implied depressed!chronically ill!reader

Jongho’s pace quickens as he reaches your familiar hallway. His feet seem to know the way by now, as his mind is completely locked onto you and not where he’s walking. Still he finds himself in front of your sweet, perfectly ‘you’ welcome mat. His muscle memory follows what he’s done a hundred times, taking the keys you’d given him months ago and unlocking your front door.

It’s oddly silent inside your apartment. Usually it’s filled with your energy, which seems to infiltrate everything you come into contact with. Including Jongho. He walks further in, knocking on the door of your bedroom. He sees a bundle of blankets sat in the middle of your bed and he figures it’s you sulking. Imagining your body smothered by all the fabric makes him smile.

Jongho slides onto your sheets next to you, trying to bring his arm around the pounds of fabric surrounding you, “Hey,”

He feels you shift and finally your head pops out of the makeshift cocoon. There’s bags under your eyes and you’re still in your pajamas. There’s a pang in Jongho’s heart that always seems to hit when he’s with you. It’s familiar, and he knows it’s that same urge he has to make sure you never have to lift another pretty finger again. It’s not possible to bend the laws of everything, but he thinks if he tries hard enough, he can cater the world to your every need. He’ll try.

You plop your head onto his shoulder, “Hey,”

He presses a kiss to the crown of your head, taking in the scent of your shampoo, “Bad day?”

You look up at him with the saddest eyes and he can’t help but coo at you, “Jjong, I haven’t even gotten out of bed today,”

He hums, “Mmm, s’okay, I only got dressed to see you,”

He turns to look at you when he hears you laugh, hoping to catch a glance of the smile he sees in even in his dreams. You raise your arm to let him into your cocoon and he scoots in, moving you so you’re comfortably in his lap. He wraps the blankets back around the two of you, letting you curl in and forget about everything else.

“But I’m like this all the time,” you mutter after a beat of silence, “Doesn’t it suck we have to live for like 80 more years?”

He knows that it does and will continue to ‘suck’ for you. What with needing constant medications just to function, and he’s seen how ‘low’ your ‘lows’ can get. But, he likes to remind you that he’s always been the one to bring you back up. He’s handed you every brick you’ve used to build yourself.

“No,” Jongho thinks for a moment, “‘Cause I get more time to take care of you.”

You turn to look at him with a cheeky smile, ready to tease him but he shuts you up with a roll of his eyes, “Be quiet.”

You lean into him, giggling as he pretends to smother you in his arms, “I wasn’t going to say anything!”

Jongho grumbles something about ‘ruining his reputation’ but you can’t really hear over the sound of your laughter. His hoodie smells like cinnamon and his perfect brown hair falls into your eyes. It’s a nice day, but you’ll spend it inside with your boyfriend.

bom note: i love how i JUST said i wasn’t going to post .. im not sorry bc there is a criminal lack of jongho fics in this world and he’s literally my tiny squishy bear

[aki-anikk]

Hello! I didn't expect people to enjoy or even read the first part so the feeback was pretty suprising.

I hope this one will live up to the previous part :)

(and again if there is something wrong in it then please let me know!)

People who wanted a second part:

@im-a-killer-queen , @tabloid-junki3

Tw: angst, Simon is a depressed fella

_____________________________________________

Simon was always a quiet person, whenever it was his personality or defence mechanism against the world... He would never tell anyone.

As always, after school he prepared himself to see your face, again. To look at you and walk away, he didn't want you to keep hoping for something that would never happend. He wasn't cruel.

But... You never came again.

It passed one day, he thought that maybe you're mad at him. But you will come back.

It passed a week, maybe you got sick. But you will come back.

It passed a month, he didn't know what the hell could happend to keep you away for so long. But you will come-

"..."

It finally hit him. You're not coming back.

That's what he wanted, right? Well he finally got it.

"..."

For some reason there was a heavy lump in his throat, but he pushed that feeling away. Just like he always does it. He didn't know how, and neither wanted to deal with those emotions.

Even if one day he would break. He didn't care.

_____________________________________________

How much time has passed? He didn't know, maybe 5 years, maybe 10, maybe even more. Not like he counted. And not like the reason for him not counting time was that whenever he thought about it, he felt like he would throw up.

He didn't realise it as a kid, he couldn't know what would happend to him in life.

He didn't expect his family to be gone forever, he didn't expect feeling so... Empty.

Sure, he joined the military. He had companions and even friends but... There was no one who looked at him the same way you did.

He caught himself many time going back to you in his mind. Whenever he felt like he didn't deserve to live, he remembered those soft, affectionate eyes. You wouldn't want him to end it all, right?

And then he would frown involuntary. He had no right to be so selfish. He pushed you away, hurt you and finally made you leave. Maybe you really hated him? That thought made his stomach turn again.

But again, he pushed it aside like every emotion. Even if he called himself selfish and tried to not think of you, he silently begged that he would never forget your face. He couldn't lose another person.

The work went like always, days blurred into one and he just complied to every order. It was easier to deal with all that pain when he didn't have to face it. When he got his mind busy with work.

One day he got hurt, not a big deal. He was never the one to go to hospitals as the wounds would 'heal on their own' while leaving a nasty scar. But he didn't care about it. He stopped caring about his looks a long time ago, because who would want to be with a bloody monster?

He had to be practicaly dragged by Soap to the nearest hospital. He said something along the lines-

"It's gonna be a quick job LT"

Or at least that's what he took out of it, it was sometimes hard to understand his damn accent. But he just finally agreed.

He sat on the bed as some nurse told him to, he didn't even look at her. He could feel the weird look she gave him when he didn't take off the mask. Not like he cared... Or felt like he had the right to care.

There were few people walking through, and he just waited, unmoving, like a statue. For a moment he thought about leaving, but then someone came up to him. Great.

The person seemed to be a doctor, as they sounded pretty professional, but he didn't look up. He only did when there was one sentence repeated over and over again like a broken radio.

"Are you okay sir?"

He finally looked up and just froze.

Was his mind playing tricks on him? Has he finally lost it? He saw a face, a too familiar one. One that always looked at him with adoration but now was filled with worry.

It was you.

It was... You.

At the realisation who it was, he felt every little mistake crash on him, every fiber of his body screamed and every piece of his broken heart was begging to speak. Anything.

But he didn't, of course he didn't.

He just let out a confirming huff, like if he was annoyed.

He hated it, but he couldn't stop. He wanted to apologize, do anything and everything.

But he just watched you in silence as you checked his pulse and talked to him. Oh that voice, it got a bit deeper but it still had that softness to it. He listened every word hoping that it would never leave his memory. That something-

But then you nodded at the nurse and walked to another patient.

Right.

You didn't recognize him. He had a mask.

How stupid.

Just a moment ago you looked at him with care, just like all of those years ago. But then those gentle eyes left him. They now were turned onto another patient. Your smile wasn't only for him to see.

He realised that.. he was no one special to you anymore.

It hurted. Why? He pushed you away. That's what he wanted.

But once you finally left, he missed you.

He missed the way you followed him like a pup, he missed how you tried to make him smile, even if as a kid he didn't appriciate it.

And even worse, he missed those loving eyes.

He needed them.

_____________________________________________

He didn't know why, maybe he knew but also didn't want to admit.

But he kept searching anything about you. He searched where you worked before, to what university you went to. He checked everything, but it still didn't feel enough.

He hated those feeling, you were right there just an arm away but still out of his reach. No matter how much he tried to lift his hand towards you, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

So he just let you live your comfortable life that you created for yourself, sometimes watching you work, but nothing more. There was no place for him in your life anymore.

It was until he was injurned, heavly. There wasn't much he could complain about as he was barely concious as he was rushed to the surgery room. The white hospital lights flashed into his eyes like if someone was making a cruel joke on him.

A lamp, light.

No lamp, no light

A lamp, light.

And again and again and again.

As if he already saw the light that everyone talked about when they were near death. The white light to heveanly gates that each lack of the lamp were taken away from him.

He neither did deserve heaven or even death.

He felt a cold table under him, he struggled to move, he struggled to fight when he felt someone's hand on his mask.

His eyes opened wide open, trying to push it away. But he stopped once he saw you. You, who were desperately trying to take off his mask, for what would come next.

He let go, his fate was already sealed.

Nothing he could do.

Once he felt the air hit his face, he saw your expression. He didn't blink even once, just to see every flashing emotion that was going through your face.

There was shock, worry and then so much despair. You couldn't help it, couldn't help how your face almost grimaced in pain, like if someone was stabbing your heart over and over again.

That hurt, but not only your heart.

He finally closed his eyes as he felt like he had died. Again.

He thought he had found something to make him want to live, it wouldn't matter that you didn't know. He would watch you in silence, but now you knew the truth, knew who he was. And you hated him.

He wished he didn't wouldn't make through this surgery.

After many hours they were slowly finishing the surgery, but Simon didn't feel alive. He was mouring the death of his heart.

You hated him, there was nothing he could do.

These words spinned in his head like vultures that waited to dig into his skin.

They hate me.

They hate me.

They hate me-

"I'm sorry."

"..."

What?

Simon once again opened his eyes, you were still there, but didn't look at him. Maybe you couldn't bear to look at his face. Maybe he overheard it.

But your eyes were glossy, hurt.

He didn't know, of course he couldn't know. Through all those years you wondered if he understood your sign of love, that you so desperately tried to kept alive.

You didn't hate him, you never could. You felt so much pain because you felt like you betrayed him. He didn't want to see you, and there you were. You felt like you broke some sacred secret, and all you could do was to apologize.

He understood that... You don't hate him.

How can you not hate him? He caused you so much pain, said so many hurtful words. But you stood there like if you were about to cry because you intupted the way he told you to love him. Like if you were the one who did something wrong.

He should have never said it. He never thought you would really do it.

He wanted to speak up, explain himself, but he couldn't speak. Maybe because of the injuries or maybe out of fear.

Soon he watched you walk out. Again leaving his life. He again let you leave.

No. He couldn't allow it.

Not this time.

_____________________________________________

It passed two weeks- no. Maybe a month? You didn't know. You couldn't really focus on anything as the days started to blur behind your tears, tears that threathened to flood the world.

You felt just like the day when Simon stomped on the boquet you gave him. It hurt so much. You thought you healed, yet every little scar was opening again and felt even deeper than before.

You were so lost that you didn't hear the doorbell rang. The person was persistent, ringing and then knocking loudly which caused you to jump slightly.

A sigh left your lips, right. Your landlord? He was probably annoyed that you didn't pay yet.

You got up and went to the door, everything felt heavy, the dark room overwhelmed any light of hope.

And you opened the door.

"..."

There was Simon. The Man was looking at you as suprised as you were, as if he didn't try to get your attention for good five minutes.

His lips opened few times and immidietly closed again, he wanted to say so much, but also couldn't say anything. He had planned what he would tell you, what words he would use. But everything crubled when he saw you and your shocked face.

He cleared his throat and just pulled a boquet from behind his back.

It was just like the ones you always tried to give him. It was carefully picked, with smiliar colors to the ones from the past.

He was nervous, he didn't remember the last time he was so nervous. He felt his hands become wet and he subconciously fixed his collar as if trying to get more air. He even forgot to breath as he glanced into your eyes, not brave enough to fully look into yours.

And what did you do?

What else could you do, but to finally hug the man that you wanted to love for years?

For a moment Simon stood there sttuned as he quickly extended his hand that held the flowers so you wouldn't crush them, and then without any hesitation hugged you thightly with his other arm.

A loud, relieved and a slightly shaky breath left his lips. You really didn't hate him, something he was afraid of, to the last second.

You accepted the flowers that he carefully picked, the total opposite to what happend when you two were kids.

You didn't crush them, you accepted them as you both finally grew up to care for the feelings between you.

"Stay with me."

These were Simon's words, he gave you another way to show your love for him, so what else could you do but to accept and stay with him?

[telvess]

Headcanons for all the characters including Jack since it’s based on Hamlet watching The lion king with the reader. (the original animated movie not the live action remake.)

Record Of Ragnarok Characters x Reader watching together The Lion King (headcanons) 🔞

You know, I haven’t watched The Lion King in… well I watched it once when I was kid and that’s it. Mulan, Hercules and Tarzan were my movies. Anyway I ended up watching The Lion King again to refresh my memory.

Qin

A what? Are you involved? Then Qin would agree to do anything.

He’s like a big kid - chill and carefree, even more than usually. Both of you goof around, Mr. Emperor tries to sing without knowing words, popcorn flies around, you pause a movie in stupid moments to make him laugh etc.

You get a stomachache from laughing too much and Qin obviously has to get infected.

Just two morons have time of their afterlife.

The only moment when there is silence is when Simba loses his father. That scene just hits too close to home and remains Qin about Chun Yan. However he doesn’t let it bother him too much.

HAKUNA MATATA

You both loudly encourage lions to battle.

At the end he asks what other movies you like.

Jack

Because he isn’t familiar with the concept of love and how to express it, spending time with you is probably Jack’s way to show his affection. If you ask him to watch an animated movie together, he’d politely agree, even if it’s not his thing.

Expect tea. And cheddar apple pie.

Jack sees Simba’s journey as a lovely and naive story. Deep inside he does compare himself to that lion cub and wonders what kind of person he would've become if he had only received help from strangers. On top of that Jack actually killed his parents, so it’s odd to him to see how much Simba struggles with remorse over Mufasa’s death which wasn’t his fault.

Truth to be told Jack might mentions some quotes from Shakespeare IF you point out similarities between the movie and Hamlet. These resemblances aren’t very visible. But it may be enough to start an interesting conversation.

The ending of the story may seems a bit bitter to Jack. Whoever was meant to be good, stayed good, and whoever was meant to be bad - stayed bad. Kinda depressing outcome for a man who’s trying to change himself, right? You’d have to talk about it and remind that it’s just a simplification made for children.

Now it’s time for a cuddle session.

Loki

Do you really want to do this to yourself? You’re very naive if you expect to have a fun with this guy while watching this kind of movie.

At first it’s just boring to him, but after awhile he amuses himself by coming up with new ways to destroy the show. He makes a loud comment every time the opportunity arises. For example, there is a scene where Zaku tells young Simba and Nala that they’d be married one day, to which Simba replies: No way! She’s my friend! You can hear a loud snort on the side, followed by She’s your SISTER, dumbass!

Loud chewing.

Hey, y/n, do you know that once Simba becomes the king, he will have kids with every lioness? Even his mom?

Do they have to sing all the time?

DON’T YOU DARE mention that you can see a similarity between him and hyenas or forget about chips, popcorn, whatever you two are eating.

Phew! It’s finally over. Wanna do something funny, y/n?

Adamas

Childish entertainment but once he sees that your eyes get wet with tears, he quickly agrees.

A cheerful start bores him but except tactless way of sitting, he doesn’t do anything to ruin your fun.

Even if Mufasa’s death was expected, it still hits hard Adamas. Basically catches him off guard. It remains him about his last meeting with Poseidon: his brother’s pure contempt towards him, that dead, indifferent expression of his face when he pierced Adamas with his trident, then cold surrounding body and Poseidon’s back as he walked away. But while the movie continues, a new digression haunts Adamas. He plays that scene again in his head and it hits him harder, because he realizes that he almost became Scar to Zeus.

So now he sits stiffly on his ass with a very depressed expression. One look at him is enough for you to know that you have to pause the movie and talk to a guy. At first he rejects your attempts, but very quickly ends up letting you hug him tight. Still plays a tough idiot tho…

Beelzebub

Most of the time he just sits next to you with lifeless expression.

Hakuna matata his ass.

Beelzebub secretly enjoys when you sing, but it’s really hard to catch him with a smile on his face. If you manage to do so, he reluctantly admits it. Good luck with convincing him to join you.

He doesn’t have any deeper thoughts about the movie.

If you mention that Timon and Pumba remain you Samael and Azazel, Beelzebub would just give you a dull look. After awhile he starts to notice that too and has mixed feelings about it.

Hrist

She finds this idea very sweet. It’s relaxing and enjoyable.

When Scar kills Mufasa: RAGE MODE ACTIVATION!

Since then you sit with angry Hrist who really does not like phrase hakuna matata. She starts to hate Simba for being so thoughtless.

Screams SHUT UP every time they start singing.

When Simba lets Scar leave, Hrist in heat of the moment chokes you and loudly screams how dumb he is. You wonder if it can get worse and the answer comes very quickly - Simba fights Scar on the TV screen and you fight for every breath on a couch.

Hermes

Hermes approaches the movie from a different angle: he focuses more on a soundtrack. The movie itself is simple story with moral, standard for humans’ approval.

You both consider an improvement of some songs and probably start doing it in the middle of a movie. Sorry, Simba.

Ares

Ares doesn’t care much about Mufasa’s death - it's necessary plot twist to move on with thread… but the ending kinda touches him. It's very climatic in his opinion.

He is NOT crying, okay?

Well you are. Or you pretend very convincingly so he doesn’t have to play tough boy. He has no idea…

Hades

Because he is a gentleman, your wish would be granted.

It’s animated movie but Hades drinks wine. No cola, no popcorn or other snacks. Please, have some dignity.

Hades has weird uncomfortable feeling in his chest when Scar kills his own brother. Scene just awakes something he doesn’t like to mention: conflict between Poseidon, Adamas and Zeus. Hades never could bring himself to blame any of them for how things turned out, so now he doesn’t try to look too deep into Musafa’s murder.

Afterwards he would share his honest opinion with you, almost like professional critic.

Poseidon

No expression throughout the entire movie.

Scar is pathetic.

Mufasa is pathetic.

Simba is pathetic.

Timon and Pumba aren’t even worth mentioning.

That movie proves that humans are lower forms of life.

At least you have chance to hug Poseidon. If he spends time with you, it means he demands it.

After a movie: Y/n, such entertainment is unworthy of the gods.

Leonidas

Books are better than movies. But fine, if you insist, the King of Sparta would spare some time.

The best comforter: Why are you crying? It’s fiction! It’s not even human! By the way - that lion could kill you with a single paw swing. These mfs are huge! Better him than you, hon!

He smokes so much that you have trouble seeing the TV screen.

Stop couching, hon! I can’t hear what they’re sayin’!

The moment Pumba approach, Leonidas starts talking about his love for venison.

You need truly heroic self-denial to not kick him out. The only option to get him to shut up is to kiss him. He doesn’t get why the kiss is angry but he likes it that way.

You two probably miss the ending. Leonidas thinks Simba isn’t worthy of being king anyway.

Apollo

Ah, y/n, aren’t you adorable for loving such innocent enjoyment? Of course he agrees!

You have to feed him snacks.

He sings along with the characters and makes the movie much better. You end up watching him showing off instead of the movie. Your dirty side may bait off a bit more mature show.

He knows exactly what you're doing and doesn't mind at all.

Later you might catch him humming songs from the movie.

Hello, dear. May I be your king tonight?

Rudra

Simba’s and Nala’s childhood brings nostalgia. Rudra spent his entire youth with Shiva and they were both free spirits. Watching these lion cubs brings back many funny memories.

Rudra’s favourite moment is Simba’s reunion with Nala. He gets mad if he notices you smirking.

Parvati, Kali, Durga and Shiva

You decide it’s time for girls’ night out.

None of you is focus on the movie, it’s just an addition. You mostly talk and laugh. Very loud that it may attracts Shiva.

He just sits down between you with Whatcha doin’? then proceeds to eats all the popcorn and other snacks like vacuum cleaner.

[woso-dreamzzz]

i feel like alba taking bambi is a bit extreme. hear me out! like yes ofc caring for one kid more than the other is bad!! but with the whole ale forgetting bambi at daycare it’s like what parent hasn’t forgot to pick up their kid once. like does that make sense like i feel like especially because it happend only once and she was at her job when she forgot that shouldn’t warrant alba legit taking her daughter away from her? like it just wasnt THAT big of a deal like ofc it’s not good but i think alba is reacting a bit over the top about it. idk maybe my perspective is different, but what do you think? id love to hear your opinion as the writer

I don't think you guys understand just how much I love answering these kinds of asks. Also, sorry in advance because this is going to be a lot of psych ramble but genuinely parent-child relationships and their impacts are actually so fascinating to me

So, the whole Alexia forgetting Bambi thing would be a big escalation if that was the only reason Alba had for removing Bambi from her home. It looks like the only reason but there were a lot of other things that Alba would have noticed when she got Bambi from nursery.

So, first of all, what Alexia's been doing is emotional neglect. Compared to other forms of neglect, emotional neglect is one of the harder ones to recognise because it's not as obvious as something like physical neglect.

The signs are very subtle and it's difficult to notice if you're not a child's primary caregiver.

From Bambi's perspective, she's been shoved to the side a bit since Jaume was born. She was never really close to Olga so she can cope with that in a sense (not that she should have to) but Alexia's disregard for her definitely hits hard.

It's a lot of little things built up onto each other. In Injured IV, when Alexia comes home she immediately greets Olga and Jaume but doesn't even spare Bambi a look. Bambi stays under that coffee table for quite a while in the hope that Alexia will notice she's not there and look for her but she never does.

She also mentions when Jaume isn't 'being good' then she doesn't get things like a bedtime story or cuddles at bed which is essentially her equating Jaume crying with the fact that Alexia yet again forgetting about her and that his needs trump her own.

There's also the fact that all of Bambi's individual pictures have been changed to ones of her and Jaume which leads to her thinking that she's only worth anything if her brother is attached to it. Similarly, all of the pictures she drew have been taken off the fridge in favour of a photo of Olga, Alexia and Jaume. Even when she lets Alba put her drawing up in Injured IV, she places it on the side of the fridge where it won't be seen as clearly.

Bambi also learnt how to cry quietly. When Kids are younger they can't communicate their feelings properly and crying loudly gets the attention of a caregiver so they can receive comfort. Bambi's learnt to cry quietly because she knows that no one will come to give her comfort if Jaume is also crying even though there are two adults in the house, one for each of them.

Emotional neglect really builds on a child as young as Bambi and causes effects like low self-esteem, depression and anxiety and in more extreme cases failure to thrive and Bambi, sadly, is on track for all of them.

Now, that's all from Bambi's perspective and, of course, Alba can't know all of that because she's not Bambi's primary caregiver.

She can only go off on what she can see. What she knows for sure, at first, is that Alexia and Olga have both forgotten Bambi.

That isn't what makes her take Bambi though.

She gets a notification from the Barca account saying that they're meeting their youngest teammate and it's got a picture of Alexia, Olga and Jaume so it's not like both of them were super busy and that's why they forgot Bambi.

There's also the change in routine that Bambi mentions. She used to get a new train every week and when Alba mentions that, she finds out that Bambi hasn't received a new train in weeks (more like months) which is a massive deviation from an established routine.

There's also the celebration they watch on tv with Alexia winning the Copa de la Reina and all those pictures of her with Jaume and the cup and there's no hint at all that she realises Bambi isn't there with her.

There's obviously Bambi's reaction to that too and her tearing up the picture because she doesn't think it's real (bearing in mind that it's a picture of her, Alexia, Olga and Jaume as a family).

It's clear to Alba that something is going on and Bambi isn't doing well because she's been in such a sad mood since she picked her up and then Bambi hides herself away in her room and Alba can't get the door open.

It's a pretty big emotional outburst from Bambi and quite out of character to how she had been previously.

Honestly, everything is out of character from what Alba previously knows - both Alexia and Bambi and it's enough for her to think that perhaps the two need to be separated.

The anger from Injured IV comes in because it's been hours since the final ended and Bambi hid herself away compared to when Alexia, Olga and Jaume come home.

Throughout that entire time, Bambi wasn't even a thought. Alexia didn't even realise Bambi had been left at nursery until she got home which is hours after Alba had to cancel her own plans to get Bambi.

The anger probably escalated the situation a bit more than it needed to but Alba had hours to stew and piece everything together so Bambi's removal from Alexia was warranted once she'd put it all together.

That's all from Inured IV, not onto Injured V:

So childhood emotional neglect is especially impactful the younger a child is. Bambi is around 4 and she's at that age where she's beginning to understand her own and others emotions. Having a stable caregiver to help her work through this is crucial and she doesn't have that so there's a big chance that she'll be developmentally delayed because of it.

This, of course, could lead to big impacts down the road when she goes to school and makes friends and even when she gets older and develops adult relationships.

She's already got low self-worth and is trying to be too independent at too young an age because to her, nobody wants to pay attention to her.

In Injured V, she actually flinches away from Alexia when she tries to grab her because she's now used to being ignored by her mother and having Alexia suddenly wanting her is overwhelming and strange.

It's seen in Injured V how different Bambi is in Alexia's home vs Alba's home when she's genuinely excited to show Alba the picture she made because she's still in her developmental stage and is still able to adapt and come back from this - at least in a way that will have minimal impact on her emotional development and regulation.

Of course, we also find out that Bambi at least suspects that she wasn't as planned as previously thought. She knows Jaume was definitely planned but she's slowly finding out that she wasn't so that's another hit to her confidence. She equates how Jaume is being treated to him being wanted and how she's being treated to her not being wanted.

When Eli comes and all of this comes out, it's clear that this is deep rooted stuff.

As I said previously, emotional neglect is one of the forms of neglects that's hardest to notice. Alba has no way of knowing just how long this has been going on for and just how close this is to having extremely detrimental effects to Bambi's emotional development.

The low self-esteem is already there. She's nervous at the thought of seeing Alexia, Olga and Jaume so there's some anxiety setting in too. For all Alba knows, the depression could be next and if she had left Bambi there, the potential of failure to thrive is quite high too.

So, honestly, Alba removing Bambi was probably the best way to do it. With Bambi with Alba, she would know how she was doing and even if she had left Bambi there and explained what was happening to Alexia, there was always a chance that it could regress back to the neglect again even if Alexia promised to work on it.

Honestly, the standard practice for suspected emotional neglect should be to report it to child services so Alba is actually doing Alexia a favour by not getting them involved.

But, yeah, this is really long but those are essentially the thought processes of everyone 🤷‍♀️

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

Hey i read ur gray dying hcs. Can you make some for jamie too?? Thanks!!

(and maybe avery could be after)

people's reaction to jameson's death head canons

avery: she would be absolutely destroyed. she would not get out of bed and seriously consider offing herself (its up to you if she actually does off herself). it would get so bad alisa and the others would have to intervene and get her professional help. she would only get out of bed to visit his grave. i also hc that he'd have a pre-written letter for her if he ever died that he gave to alisa (he told her to give it to avery when he died). she would reread that letter over and over again until her eyes became blurred with tears. she'd also get really mad at the world for ripping all of the people she loves away from her. she'd stop working, eating, drinking, showering, etc. basically, she'd be so wrecked she wouldn't be able to handle anything.

grayson: he'd try to keep everyone together but would fail miserably bc he's also falling apart at the seams. he'd work to try to distract himself but nothing ever took jamie's death off of his mind. he'd visit his grave everyday regretting everything that happened with emily bc of what it did to his relationship with jamie. i think he'd also find a way to blame himself. he'd apologize to jamie every single time he visited his grave for not being the best brother. he'd end up hiring someone to do his work for him bc he just wouldn't be able to do it. yk what emily's death did to him but this would be 1391938 times worse. he'd be crying 24/7 and he'd also wonder if life was worth living (like avery). he would think he deserved to die instead of jamie.

xander: basically the same thing i put in my 'how would people react if grayson died post'. he'd crack is usual jokes in hopes of getting people to laugh and loosen up all while dying on the inside. he'd occasionally slip up and forget jamie was still alive. he'd be working on smth and would think 'huh let me ask jamie what he thinks about this' just to then realize jamie's gone. he'd also visit his grave to leave little gadgets and notes there/talk to him. i think the grief would hit him so hard he wouldn't be able to work on his inventions and experiments anymore. he'd just sit in his lab, dissociating, thinking about jamie and how shitty his life is now that he's gone. he'd check up on everyone, especially avery cause, like i said, she's not getting out of bed.

nash: pretty much the same thing i said in my grayson post. would also try to keep the family going but would also fail miserably. he wouldn't let anyone see him fall apart except for libby. he'd, in a way, think he failed at keeping his brother safe, and, that he didn't do the one thing he was supposed to do as jamie's older brother. he'd become extra protective of his two remaining siblings and avery. he visits jamie's grave balling his eyes trying to think of a way he could've saved jamie. unlike avery, he'd have to get out of bed. staying in bed makes him feel even worse so he gets up and either checks on the others or works. i can also imagine him feeling so depressed he's just numb to everything except anything that concerns jamie or his family. he wouldn't care about the things he cared about before and would just lose it.

libby: the one who's actually keeping everyone together. she's making sure everyone is fed, bathed, etc and makes sure everyone has someone to talk to or cry to. meanwhile, she'd be grieving too. even though she's not as close to jamie, his death would still hit her hard. her baking would get completely out of hand. sm that people had to make an intervention bc they couldn't eat all of the cupcakes. she'd bring the cupcakes to jamie's grave (like i said in my grayson post). she'd start crying at any time of the day when she sees smth that reminds her of him (this is basically the exact same thing i wrote in my grayson post but i wanted to include her cause she's the best. i just think she'd react the same to all of the brother's deaths (except nash))

not proof read so sorry if there are grammar mistakes or smth doesn't make sense.

[lieblingspulli]

Sunset Tears: SKZ

W/c: 2.4k 

Hyunjin x Fem Reader

Summary: Confessing your feelings to someone is super duper, incredibly, terribly hard. Especially when that person is a blockhead and literally does not have a brain. 

A/N: I’m not even going to lie to you, the Howl’s Moving Castle soundtrack heavily inspired me for this one. Especially the song: You’re in Love even though it's like a minute long. Also the songs, Here with Me by d4vd and Let You Break My Heart Again by Laufey. Yes, I know, it's so sappy haha. Enjoy! 

*Use of some profanity, not excessive. 

Masterlist!

SKZ Masterlist

“Yah! Hwang Hyunjin!” 

The poor man nearly fell out of his seat as you yelled at the top of your lungs. 

“How could you forget our date?” You entered the apartment and didn’t even bother to kick off your shoes like he preferred you to. Hyunjin looked up at you with bewildered eyes. Then, the realization hit him. 

“Wait- I can explain-”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Hyunjin. You left me at the park entrance for an hour. I thought you were coming!” You were almost yelling. He quickly got up and tried to reach for you but was denied when you turned your back on him. 

“Forget it. I’m going home. You’re lucky I even came here.” 

“Wait, Y/N-”

“No Hyunjin. I just need to go.” You locked eyes with him and hoped that your depressing face would at least hurt his feelings a little. He stood in disbelief, almost unsure how to react to the whole thing. Quickly turning, you muttered, “I can’t believe you,” and slammed the door behind you, leaving Hyunjin speechless and frankly upset too. 

Thinking back, all those moments you waited for him were pointless. The way you stood outside like an idiot for an hour today, showing up way too early to his concerts, giving him unnecessary things like paint and pictures. All of it was a waste. You had been trying so hard to show him you had feelings for him ever since he stated that he liked when people showed their feelings in actions. Well, too bad he was a literal blockhead. 

You sighed and continued your walk out of his apartment complex. You weren’t sure if you were glad or angry that he didn’t follow you out. For a brief moment, you considered calling someone but the thing was- Hyunjin was your best friend. 

All you wanted at that moment was to tell him how you felt. You felt hot, stinging tears threaten to fall from your eyes and a heavy lump in your throat. You felt embarrassment at even trying to go for a guy like him. He was perfect in every way.

 Even though he always complained about being “bitchless” and “having no game,” he still attracted so many people. You laughed at the memory of Hyunjin sprawling on the grass at the park and uttering those words. He was handsome, creative, so empathetic to your struggles, he made an effort to know everything about you and even came to you when he struggled. Endless efforts seemed to be wasted for a girl like you. You felt average. What could you give to your best friend that he didn’t already have? Right now, it seemed like he had rocks for brains so maybe that, but otherwise- he had everything he could ever want. You wiped your tears away and sped up your pace, hoping that you could reach your apartment before nightfall. 

Today was supposed to be your picnic at the park with him, but you had waited at the agreed meeting spot for over an hour before deciding to call it quits. He agreed to bring paints and paint with you at sunset, but he never showed. And it wasn’t his first time bailing out on you too. You were just about done with it all. This made you angrily stomp up the stairs. 

The sun continued to dip under the skyline as you made it to your front door. Living on the top of a building, you could see the entire city skyline spread out before you. Hyunjin once mentioned he loved this view and really wanted to paint it sometime, to which you suggested the picnic and he had happily agreed.

 You stopped to watch the sunset as you thought of all the times you made the effort to show him you really cared. Leaning on the rail, you watched the vibrant hues of pink and orange highlight the sky then turn into deeper shades of violet and blue. The rate of this transformation comforted you, reminding you that things change and life goes on. Feeling a little less shitty, you unlocked your front door and dropped all your stuff next to your bed. At least your bed would always be there for you. 

-

You must have fallen asleep, you realized as you woke up. Your head felt heavy and your throat was swollen from crying. Loud bangs on your door reminded you why you even woke up in the first place. Ughhhhh. You thought of the fact that you had work tomorrow. Even though your boss might get mad, you resolved to just call off. More loud bangs. 

“Hold on, I’m coming!” You managed to yell before shivering and pulling on your thickest hoodie. You almost tripped on the picnic basket on your way to the door. 

You peeked out the door peephole. It was that asshole. Oh my god. 

Without even opening the door, you yelled, “What are you doing here at..” You looked at the clock. “Hyunjin, it's 3 in the damn morning!” You continued to observe him through the peephole. 

“I know, I’m so sorry Y/n. I came to apologize.” He seemed to be holding a convenience store bag in his hands as he shifted his weight nervously from one leg to another one. You took him all in. His hair was disheveled. He seemed out of breath. His hoodie was wrinkly. He was gripping his phone and a flashlight in one hand, and the bag in another. He just looked worried. You sighed and repressed that lump in your throat again. You spoke again. “Hwang, you better have a good reason to show up at my door at 3 in the morning.” You struggled to get out the last words, tears threatening to ruin your voice. Clearly, you were not handling this very well. Hyunjin thought carefully before speaking again. 

“Y/n. I am so sorry. Can you open the door? I just want to talk about this.” He stared at the sky and took a deep breath. “I’m such an asshole, but can you please just give me like a minute?” You closed your eyes and banged your head on the door. Hyunjin jumped from the sound.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” He took a step closer to the door. 

You swung the door open and hugged yourself, leaving him to continue what he was saying. 

To your surprise and some would even call horror, Hyunjin set down the things he was carrying and got down on his knees. “Hyunjin- wait-” You reached out and he put a hand up to stop you. “No, I am doing this and you can’t stop me.” He dramatically said. 

“Oh my god, you’re crazy.” 

“I know.” He chuckled and settled onto the heels of his feet. 

“Y/n, I am so very sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to leave you by yourself. I didn’t know how much that would hurt you and I never want you to feel like that again. I brought you your favorite green tea in hopes that you would accept my apology.” He looked up at you with puppy eyes. The tip of his nose was red from the cold. 

“Hyunjin, this is ridiculous. Please get up.” You retorted. 

“Not until you reply to my apology.” He firmly held his position. 

You shivered. “At least come inside. It’s so cold out here,” You tried to entice him. Despite his firm position, Hyunjin immediately grabbed his items, got up and ran through the door. You just scoffed,closed the door behind you and turned on the bedroom lamp. Hyunjin stood awkwardly, not knowing whether to put the bag down or to hold it. You gestured to the table and he gently placed it down. 

You both stared at each other, not knowing who should speak first.  “Hyunjin-” 

“Y/n-” He laughed and scratched his head. You just sat down on your messed up bed and blushed. You hated how he still got you worked up, even after messing with your feelings. You hated how inconsiderate he was, even though he had no idea what he did to you. 

“You go first.” He flatly said. You were unsure of what to say. 

“I don’t really know how to say this but what you did hurt my feelings Hyunjin,” you started softly. With a deep breath to keep the tears at bay, you continued. “You’re so confusing. You say you like actions and acts of dedication, but when I do it, it seems like you are blind.” A couple seconds of silence. “I always put so much effort into seeing you. You’re so important to me, I don’t know how else to say it.” You stared at your cat socks. Suddenly you were blushing and the floor was much more interesting than his face. 

“Y/n?” Hyunjin whispered. You looked at him, searching for anything in his expression. All you got was confusion staring back at you. 

“First of all, discounting the emotional implications- how could you leave me out there multiple times?” You struggled to find the words that screamed, how could you not care about me that much? How could you? You wiped a tear away. Hyunjin reached up to wipe it away for you but he refrained. 

“I’m so sorry Y/n. I don’t know what came over me. You are so important to me. I’ll never do it again, I promise.” His answer didn’t satisfy you. How could he be so thickheaded? How could he blatantly ignore your feelings? You wanted to scream. Men. 

“Can you say anything else than I’m sorry?” You whispered at him. He took a step towards you. 

“Y/n, I-” He caught himself before continuing. 

“You really must be stupid then.” You scoffed and covered your mouth with your palm in disbelief. Hyunjin dropped his gaze and stared at his face. 

“Y/n, I thought you liked someone else. I didn’t show up because I was overthinking about how you could possibly still hang out with someone like me.” He raised his head and searched your eyes. You laughed and cried. 

“Hyunjin, you’re so stupid.” Laughter took over your body. Hyunjin was very confused by this yet he continued. 

“I thought you liked Felix! I was jealous,” He pouted. “I really was pitying myself Y/n. I thought I lost you!” He frantically tried explaining. You just groaned. 

“Oh my god Hyunjin, you actually have rocks for brains! I like you! Dare I say, even I love you.” You stood up and faced him. There was a strange feeling in your stomach. Whether it was nervousness, fear or excitement, you couldn’t tell. “Hwang Hyunjin, why do you think I waited for a whole hour? I showed up to your concerts and held up ridiculous Hyunjin signs! I organized a paint and picnic sunset date for god sake!” You emphasized. He was at a loss for words. Your face felt hot from blushing and being angry at the same time. His ears got red as he connected the dots. 

“Wait, so you don’t like Felix?” He questioned you. You sighed in annoyance. 

“No, Hyunjin. I do not like Felix.” You chuckled and shook your head. A smile quickly formed on his face. 

“So that means? -” 

“Yes, Hyunjin. I like you. I always have. And probably always will.” You looked at him expectedly. He covered his face, probably from the embarrassment of this whole misunderstanding. You peeled his hands back. 

“Can I hug you?” You softly asked. It was almost like begging. He gazed at you softly and nodded. The impact from the two of you crashing together nearly took your breath away. 

“I’ve been waiting for this for so long,” you whispered. 

“Me too.” He said, his voice muffled by your hair. He squeezed you and you felt his chest contract. Was he crying? 

“Please tell me you like me back. I said it like twice,” you laughed into his chest and rubbed his back to comfort him. 

“I am so incredibly sorry Y/n. I spent so long pitying myself, I didn’t realize that you were showing me this whole time.” He sniffled. “Of course I like you. I’ll always like you, even more than Felix could ever like you.” You laughed and sniffed back tears. 

“You’re ridiculous. Oh my gosh.” He pulled away and smiled through his tears. You caressed his face and wiped a tear away. “Always for the theatrics now, aren’t we?” You smiled and he nodded. 

“I can’t help it. The woman I love said she likes me back.” 

“Hey, I said it first, so technically you said you liked me back.” You continued to gently hold his cheek. He leaned into your hand and kissed your palm. 

“Hyunjin?” 

“Yea?” 

“I forgive you.”

“Thanks.” He laughed and sniffled again. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered, as if someone might hear. 

“Yea you big baby. Kiss me” You quickly responded before leaning in. 

The moment his lips met yours, you knew he always liked you. You knew he had been waiting for this all along. You felt the softness of his lips and the way he was so gentle with yours. You felt his emotion and desperate hope that you would return his feelings. You leaned in and wrapped your arms around his neck, almost knocking him over. He smiled and held you strongly, happy to oblige the deeper kiss. All the pent up frustration left you as you held your eyes closed and smiled into his kiss. He pulled away, breathless, and said, “I love you Y/n. You don’t have to say it back right now but I want you to know I really do.” He leaned his forehead against yours. 

“I love you too. Just don’t ever leave me high and dry like that again.” You sternly said. With a devilish grin, he attacked your lips with his, ready to never let you go. You were content to oblige. 

[redd956]

Imposter Syndrome & Writing

Oh that pesky imposter syndrome! Many of us know her whether we like it or not. Although I don’t have as bad anxiety as others do in this regard, imposter syndrome can try to come for us all, and hits a lot of us creative types the hardest. I know some nights it hits me too, and I completely forget about all my favorite work, and fixate on my worst.

Have you heard your inner speech say any of this:

“My writing just isn’t good enough for others to enjoy”

“Why isn’t my online activity as good as others?”

“Oh they’re better than me...and younger...”

“I or my writing isn’t interesting enough”

Well I have news for you that was likely imposter syndrome speaking, or anxiety, or depression or- You get the point.

Overcoming & Lowering Writing Anxiety

Kicking imposter syndrome to the curb isn’t easy, and it isn’t really permanent either. We as humans have a hard time with comparing everything to everything, and that includes ourselves to other writers. Which is the primary problem. Here’s some popular tactics to help tackle anxiety and self doubt in writing.

What’s a real writer?

Gatekeeping is a problem among all groups of creatives. For awhile growing up I most saw it as digital artist “aren’t” the real artist. Writers struggle with gatekeeping in the community frequently too. This has become so prevalent some have taken the negative voices of gatekeeping and subconsciously ingrained it into themselves. 

So let I remind you, you are a writer if you

Write

Don’t Write but want to

Are trying to write

Create stories

It doesn't really matter what you write, you’re a writer if you have the will to be. Telling yourself and acknowledging that what you write doesn’t devolve you as a writer is a tremendous first step.

You’re not alone

As said before creatives of all types, including hundreds of writers are suffering from imposter syndrome. It’s valid to feel such a way, and acknowledging those feelings can also help. Don’t oversaturate yourself though. Even best-selling authors experience imposter syndrome, or get discourage by comparing themselves to fellow writers. You can not turn into another writer, because you will always be yourself as a writer.

What you’ve done up til now/Perfectionism

Often times in the boughs of imposter syndrome people become blind to their hard work, or begin to feel like everything they’ve done up til now is pointless. Which completely negates that others better or on their level have gone through most if not all of the same hard work.

All because we aren’t the best all the time doesn’t mean our hard work and talent is invalid. Seeking perfection is impossible. Every good artist has thousands of throw aways, deletes, messed up layers, balled up paper, and more. The same goes for writers. I even frequently post my bad, as it forces me to accept that I’ve created it and it’s a thing.

My bad doesn’t invalidate my good. Just like how you on your bad days doesn’t define your entire personality. To accept the bad in creativity is important, and I greatly suggest keeping all your ideas now matter how trash. You might find your future skills or mentality will be ready to take it all on again in the future.

One way I’ve done this, and a popular writing hack at that is to keep a writing journal and refuse to delete half-written or poorly written pieces. Editing and rewriting is okay as long as you don’t over do it, and find yourself rewriting the same thing over and over again. It will never be perfect, and accepting that is one of the most helpful things we as writers can do.

[loveshotzz]

I see that your requests are open. I am a suckered for angst and Eddie Munson. And I have this idea for Eddie dies in the upside down from the bats and his girl can't ger over it. She is seriously depressed, stopped eating and sleeping, her friends and family are worried about her. She starts taking drugs to ease her pain. She is slowly killing herself from heartache. But Eddie didn't really die and has been trying to get back to her. He finally does but he is too late. She has died. Now he has to live his life without her. If you could this would be amazing. I thank you in advance.

I know you put this request in forever ago, I’m sorry it took me so long! I felt inspired by the song/music video for 11 Minutes following the five stages of grief. I kinda gave it a more ambiguous ending in case someone wants to believe it’s not too late. STILL NOT A HAPPY ENDING. I hope you don’t mind! It’s hard to hurt Eddie!

Thank you @myobmaya and @sweetsweetjellybean for reading this dark blurb over and over again, you’re the real MVP’s.

Warnings: Pure angst. Very dark themes under the cut read at your own risk. Mentions of Eddie’s death, severe depression, heavy drug and drinking use, talks of suicide, attempted suicide. Everything will be under the cut as to not trigger anyone. No smut but my blog is strictly 18 plus.

There’s still days where you wake up forgetting it ever happened. A sleepy hand reaching over searching for his warmth on the other side of a the bed, but when the coolness of the sheets hits your finger tips the harsh reality that he’ll never be there again rips through your chest hollowing out the heart that’s some how still there. A heart that you swore only beat because of him, his laughter making the blood course through your veins. If you close your eyes sometimes you can still remember it, the deep baritone of it. The way his chocolate eyes lit up, lips spreading over the expanse of his teeth. You hate that he’s getting harder to remember, that your have to really focus to see and hear the details of your favorite things about him. Clinging desperately to whatever you had left of him. Anything to remind you that the love of your life was real.

Denial:

You still remember when Dustin told you, with tears falling like waterfalls from his eyes the words leaving his mouth were jumbled with so much emotion you couldn’t understand anything he was saying. It was when he stuck his bloody hand in front of your face, Eddie’s guitar pick necklace dangling from his clench fist. It took you a minute to comprehend what was happening, staring from the sobbing boy to the necklace. Eyes flashing to the sullen faces of Steve, Robin, and Nancy it all starts to click but you still can’t stop yourself from asking.

Where’s Eddie?

The next few weeks are spent sitting on the metal picnic table in the middle of the trailer park. Eyes fixated on the rubble of what used to be the Munson’s trailer. The place that had become your home away from home. Another thing that was ripped away from you, the place that was was filled with almost all of your favorite memories. The place where all of your first’s happened, it was where you and Eddie could just be. Late nights left alone while Uncle Wayne was at work, the two of you got to know each other in a way that was deeper then anything you had ever felt. You two just understood each other, he was the only person that made you feel like you didn’t have to hide any parts of yourself. Even the parts you didn’t like, because he loved those too.

The wind catches and the corner of his handmade corroded coffin tapestry peaks from underneath the piles of bricks and glass. The deep crack in the earth only becoming worse with each passing day.

This can’t be real, he has to come back.

Every day you stare at the jagged edges of the ground hoping you’ll see those ringed hands come crawling their way back out of there. Maybe they were wrong. How could they know for sure? They just left him down there.

Anger:

It was all of their faults. Every single one of them. He didn’t need to go down there, he didn’t need to help be a distraction. They could have figured it out just like they always had before he got dragged into all of this. You needed someone to hate, someone to direct all of you anger at. Someone to blame for losing your soul mate before you even got to start your lives together. 86’ was suppose to be the year that changed it all for the both of you, saving up every penny to finally leave this shitty town behind. The resentment manifests itself so much you can feel it radiating from the furtherest parts of your body, rage burying itself so deep inside of you that you couldn’t see your way out. You didn’t have a choice but to cut them off. All they were to you was just a constant reminder of the fact that he was dead and they were alive.

Bargaining:

All you can think about is all the stupid little fights you two got in. The desperation to go to the past and take it all back, to treasure the short time you didn’t know you had with him. To hold him instead of yell at him, to tell him you didn’t care if he lost himself in a DND campaign that made him 40 minutes late to a movie you both had already seen. Maybe if you’d pushed him harder to study more he would have graduated a year earlier and you both would have been long gone before any of this could have happened. You could have had that studio apartment in the city, you could have watched him follow his dreams that were so much bigger then what he was born into.

Depression:

It had been two months since Eddie died, and yet it still hurts like the night you found out. A sadness so dark consuming you, it was becoming too much to be alive. You needed to forget. You needed to feel numb. It started off with liquor, drinking yourself till you blacked out every night. Sometimes it would back fire, the alcohol only intensifying the grief so much it left you crumpled on the floor before you’d slip into the darkness just to wake up in the same pain you were in before anything even hit your blood stream. It wasn’t enough. You needed something stronger. It started with K, it was a drug Eddie sold but it was never something you’d ever tried before. Eddie would never let you. At first doing it somehow made you feel closer to him and if you snorted enough of it you felt exactly what you wanted to feel, nothing. Eventually your tolerance became too much so you needed something even stronger. Scouring your mom’s medicine cabinet for her anti depressants, you started mixing the two. The combination enough to make your brain feel empty, the pain slowly fading away. Mixing the three of them had become your magic concoction.

The empty expanse of nothing became your safe space and this is where you decided you belonged now.

Maybe if you died, he’d be waiting. Maybe he’s been waiting this whole time.

Acceptance:

When you finally decid to kill yourself, it feels like a giant weight has finally been lifted off of your shoulders. You didn’t need to pretend to be a person anymore. You didn’t need to try to numb the pain, there wouldn’t be anything to run from anymore. No more new memories with out him, no more planning a life that wasn’t made for the two of you.

He’d be waiting, he had to be. The lights flickering on and off in your room the night you decide only encouraged you more. It was a sign, he was begging you to meet him. He missed you too. With a handful of pills and a belly full of rum, you snorted the last line off your dresser before you laid on the rough carpet of you room. The glossiness of the Polaroid in your hand catches your attention with your vision starting to blur you bring the picture up to your eyes, the smile on Eddie’s face still gives you butterflies.

The kind of peace that washes over your body when you feel your heart rate starts to slow down isn’t something you’ve felt since he died. When the room starts fading you swear you can hear his voice, a slow smile spreading lazily over your face at the sound. He’s calling your name and it’s clear as day, it’s almost like Eddie’s right next to you. It’s only when you see his big brown eyes hover over yours think you think you’ve made it to heaven.

He screams your name one more time before your vision goes black.

[barkingbakugo]

Trent Lane x F!Reader pt.2

Based off the show Daria No warnings other than drug use and this not being proof read

Considering today was absolute crap I'm considering going for black. Wouldn't be surprising if the rest of the week were to mirror today. I could think a bit more positively and go for a dark purple but then it could be argued that's also a depressing color. Maybe I shouldn't paint my nails, I always end up chewing it off anyways. I could do both black and dark purple to save myself the headache of not being able to- "I think you should do red." Trent had been rolling a joint for us, trying to make a decision on which color I should do. He was right.

"Red is cute." But I still think black and dark purple would be too. Now I'm deciding between three colors. Crap.

"Her heads gonna explode." Jesse says from the corner of Trent's room setting a CD in the player and skipping to the song he wanted. I sighed silently as I relaxed my face from its frown.

"Well here," Trent says softly before passing the joint to me, "Relax a bit Y/N." I take the joint and the lighter that's sitting in the middle of the bed before getting the joint ready as I light it.

"Sorry. I get overwhelmed when I have to many options." I said twirling the tip of the joint so it didn't burn unevenly.

"You can just paint Trent's nails black, mine purple and yours red." Jesse says as if it were obvious. He was always able to help me make a decision or sometimes he would just talk so much nonsense I forget what I'm deciding on.

"What would I do without you." I say giving him a soft smile placing the joint between my lips.

"Your head would explode." Trent says with a playful grin across his lips. My smile grows and I let out a chuckle but it only makes me choke on my smoke. My eyes begin to water as I begin coughing into my arm.

Oh. My. God. It just bitch slapped me

After my coughing fit and handing over the joint to Jesse I lay back on Trent's bed letting my feet hang over the side of the bed. Feeling the bed shift below me I look over to see Trent coming to lay beside me. I shoot him another smile feeling a blush tickle my cheeks. I close my eyes for a moment feeling the pot hit me already only to open them again to find him inches away from me. Goosebumps ran down my arm as I felt his breath lightly hitting it. I actually and quite literally hated myself for not being able to stop my goofy ass smile from forming as my blush grows.

"You should paint my nails first." He says softly as I meet his gaze, his eyes seemed to linger on my lips before slowly trailing across my face as if he wanted to remember every feature.

He’s done this before. Him kissing me on the cheek a few weeks ago was only the beginning. It was as if he were testing the water with me. Giving me lingering gazes during practices, holding my hand in his jacket pocket when it’s freezing outside and Jesse's taking his time putting our instruments away in the van. I have been keeping quiet about this, but truth be told, I didn't really mind it. Maybe he didn't want anything from me at the moment or perhaps I am just misinterpreting everything.

However, I don't think I was, especially considering the way he was staring at my lips with such intensity that it felt like he was devouring them with his eyes. I hoped Jesse was too high to notice us as he went through Trent’s CD's. I could feel my heart beating hard against my chest as I felt myself inching closer to him. We were close enough that our breaths became one. I closed my eyes as he closed the gap between us. He leaned over me, his hand resting on my arm as his thumb ran gently across my skin. The kiss started out soft and tender but quickly became a bit more passionate. I felt a slight nip on my bottom lip as he deepened the kiss. I could feel his fingertips trail down the back of my neck, pulling me in closer. As I took in his taste and touch, I felt my lips curl into a grin. But just before I could melt into the kiss Jesse interrupted us.

“I actually think I wanna paint my nails red.”

Trent lets out a chuckle into the kiss while he pulls away from me. As Jesse flips over the CD to read the back, thankfully he still hasn't been paying attention to us. I can feel the warmth spreading across my cheeks as I smile, letting out a chuckle myself.

“Red it is.”

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

"Holy..." I breathed as I looked up at the big bright sign of a juicy hamburger. Trent and I had been walking for a good thirty minutes ever since I talked his ear off about craving fries. "You said it was at most a ten minute walk from your place."

"That's how long it takes me in the van." Trent looked up at the sign and shrugged lightly before gazing blankly at me. A flat smile lays firmly on my lips as I meet his gaze nodding lightly before speaking, "Oh you're lucky you're cute."

He gives me a relaxed smile and takes my hand gently running his thumb across my knuckles, "Thanks babe." His voice was low and raspy but his words were filled with admiration. I couldn't stay annoyed at him, not when he looked at me that way. "Let's go get you a burger."

"I'm going to be thinking about that burger for a long time," I say before taking a sip of my drink. "It was perfect."

Trent slouches a bit in the booth yawning as he tosses his wrapper onto the table. "Yeah, it was pretty good. I'm not excited for the walk back." He replied slouching his shoulders now. I could feel the dread radiating off him as it washed over me. I sigh softly and mirror his slouch, "Thanks for reminding me."

"We could just stay here." I suggest.

"Rot into the booths together."

I hummed softly with content and smiled. My stomach felt like it was going to explode. I needed a cigarette, but I was too tired from eating, so I let out sigh. “If only we had the tank.” I say earning a long sigh from him now. I chuckled softly at his tired reply, and then we fell into a comfortable silence. Trent closed his eyes letting the muscles in his face relax and my eyes begin running over his face. His eyes were tired, with dark bags underneath, most likely from staying up all night playing his guitar or just sleeping too much in general. My eyes fall to his goatee and I could instantly feel a frown form on my face. I could never tell if I liked it or not. He let me shave it off once but the sideburns didn't look good without the goatee. I let out small laugh remembering his reaction to seeing himself in the mirror. His eyes open and and he smiles softly watching me.

“I love you.”

What?

“You what?” I asked just giving him a blank stare despite the fluttering my heart was doing. We've been together for four months now since the day we kissed on his bed. He's shown me affection in ways I never thought possible, but he knew what those words meant to me. There is no reason for me to think he's lying, but I still can't shake my doubts. My parents made it their mission to not ever tell me they loved me or even show any once of it to me but I don't hold it against them anymore. That being because I don't view them as human, they might not even have souls.

He sits up in the booth and sets his hand on the table holding it open for me to take. I lean in to take his hand and he gives me a gentle squeeze. He intertwines our hands and it pulls a smile onto my lips. "You're the coolest girl I've met. You‘re my muse Y/N...and you actually make me want to practice. I have a passion for music but I never had motivation and drive until I met you. That and you clean my room when I'm too tired to. There's no one I'd rather spend days sleeping with."

I chuckled with a light blush and took his other hand in mine that was on the table, "Well you're pretty cool yourself, we're a pretty cool couple." I teased before lightly biting my lower lip and continuing, "I love you too." Trent's smile grows and he places a kiss on my hand. "Even though it's not all the time I wouldn't share my toothbrush with just anyone."

"So that's whose toothbrush you've been using, I was afraid you stopped brushing altogether." Trent and I both look over to see Jane and Daria standing at the end of the table.

"Y/n we have a ride home," Trent says grinning before turning his attention back to his sister. "You haven't crashed the tank yet have you?"

Jane smirks, "Maybe a few scratches but it's nothin' that wasn't there before. Now one of you move, Daria and I are getting burgers." I scoot out of the booth and sit next to Trent on the other side. Jane goes to order while Daria sits in my previous seat.

"Where did you guys take the tank?" Trent asks Daria while wrapping his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.

"It's a long story but hopefully telling you we kidnapped an incompetent football player won't raise any questions." She dryly jokes. I liked Daria, sure sometimes I can't tell when she's being serious contrary to her deadpan personality but she was chill.

"Hey don't be spilling all our business now," Jane says coming back over and sitting next to Daria. "Y/N you need to convince my brother to get some new wheels." She says looking over at me now.

"I'm surprised the wheels are still on that thing." Daria adds making Trent and I chuckle.

"Trust me I've already been making him save whatever money he gets. I love you but I don't trust you driving my car." I say letting a soft chuckle leave my lips and looking over at him resting my hand on his thigh.

"That's okay Y/N, I understand. I wouldn't trust me either." He responds just as the burgers get set on the table. That was fast, our burgers took twenty minutes to come out. The girls begin eating their burgers letting Trent and I break off into our own conversation. "I like it when you say I love you. It's hot." He whispers in my ear making me blush lightly.

"Oh hush." I say placing a hand on his chest and pulling him in for a small kiss but he lets the kiss linger before slowly pulling away. "I'm happy we don't have to walk home now."

He pecks my lips once more, "Yeah, that way we can get home faster."

[cringelordofchaos]

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

- NAMES × PRØNOUNS = IT / SHE / HE ×××❤️‍🔥🎸🐍

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

--im; 🇷🇸 - serbian × 🏳️‍🌈 - queer × ✝️ - (culturally)orthodox(+witchy ;))×××

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

biggest obsession lately: MINECRAFT (all fandoms)

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

• other blogs - pronouns.page - music i listen to - tagging system - characters I relate to

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

нЕмА сПаСа Ни ТеБи нИ мЕнИ сВе Је ЛаЖ и рАј сЕ ПеНи (/Ј)

MY FAVORITEST POST OF ALL TIME /hj... (unless...)

I forget to update my pronouns page frequently so it's not really worth checking out.

{o.we,o,qw,qw.qq,o,qw,qw.qe,wt,qo,t,y×one^day.q,qr.wp,i,t,qr.t,ww,t,qi,wt,qt,qr,t.t,qw,qo,t-as.well (wq,qr,qw,t,qo.o.r,qt,qr,wp.e,qt,qe,qw,t,wp,t.qe,wt.journey.w,t,y,qt,qi,t.i,q,qr,r)}

DRAWING REQUESTS R ALWAYS OPEN! though my art skills r not up to everyone's standards, it's like free anyway so

(TMF Sean userboxes made by @speedydestinydream)

Uhm ok nobody's seeing this? Good. Rhea Ripley's hot AS FUCKKKK dude

Uhm and also. Random facts about me

I'm not autistic

I once hit my head so hard it was bleeding (and never got treated for it lmao)

Aaron Mitchell is just like me fr

By blood im actually more aromanian + Slovenian + ashkenazi Jewish + other shit than Serbian but by culture im Serbian (and Americanized... (Spend too much time on the net))

I love opposites attract trope because 100% of the time I relate to both the characters involved

I used to have an identity crisis over what kind of caricature I wanted to be but now I just let myself exist in peace without putting an active effort into just existing

I'm more culturally orthodox christian and tbh I don't really believe in that stuff but I won't give up the holidays and traditions. As for witchcraft it's fun and you can't exactly disprove the existence of spirituality so I am interested but again when I practice witchcraft it more feels like roleplaying so uhm. Not sure if I can call myself s true withx or a christian but who gives a shit.

Potentially alter human but I realized my obsession with alter human labels in the last might've been caused by the fact that I wasn't fully happy with who I was. still act like a creature at times though.

I have been called "fascinating" 6 times, once by a licensed psychiatrist.

I tend to overshare and also I was extremely scared of sharing the fact that I'm mostly aromanian because I thought it would reveal where I hid the money or some shit. I still am scared but oh well

Don't have ADHD either fuck that

I am at risk of a spine deformation. Lmao

I get extremely obsessive over fiction and it tends to last for... Idk? I don't count.

I'm picky yet indecisive as hell

Selfish and extremely lazy

So sarcastic all the time to the point of some people thinking I'm being genuine and then getting mad at me. I mean I dug my own grave there so.

I accidentally ghost people, respond really late to texts, if at all. I am trying to work on this because I have been made aware that this type of behaviour can genuinely hurt people and I don't want to hurt anyone

Had self diagnosed depression in the past

Cisginger

Autistic Craig Tucker real

Heavily heavily HEAVILY relate to Aaron Mitchell from the Mitchells Vs the machines (he is literally me in every way possible)

Unhealthily addicted to my phone

Sometimes draw but I'm horrible at it

My head hurts

Freakblr OG 💪

Suck at sports but like them but I hate working in teams because I'm afraid I'll disappoint everyone. Yaknow???

Experience self suspected social gender dysphoria (recovering)

Otherlink, mild specie dysphoria, possibly therian

Self suspected low object permanence

[arrivingonthescene]

most of dora's facts stemming from harry's dream version of her, or jean who's only ever heard harry shitting on her, makes it hard to figure out what she's like. i get that's the point but i'm so curious. would she really think he's a poverty-stricken fuck if they lived in that matchbox with fleeting electricity if she wrote that letter that's so full of infatuation? her parents paid for their life and harry's RCM training but for how long? was she still an arts academic? obviously at some point the last straw on the mountain of straws made it fizzle into nothingness but... idk i can't help but feel the letter & dream-dora stating she fell in love with harry at first sight from how Cool he was, being a form of worship on her part too, an innocent version. "I wanted you to be the rest of my life that day." and along the years that worship tipped over to a detrimental degree on harry's side. and even the dream version of her who spits back the things most likely said durimg arguments, goes from frustration to pity to wistfulness, but what made it sadder to me was how long the phone call can go on for. dream-dora says she moved on so bluntly and lists all the things she dislikes about him, but phone-dora's patience shined through even when harry's saying shitty stuff to her. she could have just hung up immediately and never pick up again the first time he rings her

so going off this, the following are personal headcanons

i imagine she dated harry in an act of rebellion, harry joined the RCM to increase his Cool Factor from high school gym teacher to badass superstar cop (i think the game says she pushed him towards it but i view this via harry-lens where she is a God who caused everything) and along the way as he deteriorated it brcame kind of sunk-cost. along the way she became pregnant, and maybe when the old harry shimmered through she thought they could make it work, but reality hit and she terminated it. i honestly feel like she'd do so alone. and now i wonder if she had any friends or if dating harry made her isolated. did anyone support her leaving him? i'd imagine her parents were thrilled to hear it.

from how open harry is about his thought processes, and how painful it is to him to hear dream-dora demean them, i felt that real-dora could have apreciated them during their good days. i imagine anyone harry knows that intimately who also supports all his voices and brain compartmentalization can easily become someone he worships because of how rare that'd be for him. because how else would he be with her for that long if she hated those parts of him right off the bat? like, all these acts of humanity made him raise her higher and higher until she reached a status she could never act out, she is not perfect, she's just a person, she is a person i'm suddenly so interested in. during harry's fledgeling RCM days i bet she asked tk hear how mr. law brought justice but it quickly became apparent that, not only were the tales depressing, he was throwing himself into work so hard. married to the job. dora having to sell her collected art pieces to get by. and one day harry asks to sell one that's extremely precious to her and that's when she put her foot down and asked her parents for assistance. maybe it was a figurine. time went on as RCM life consumed him, and harry forgot what made dora tick but he never forgets the fact that she loves figurines

more tame but, harry having art cop as one of his copotypes, what if he picked up that notion to impress her? i don't know if she'd teach him art critique herself but like. so much of harry's personality is bending himself every which way to impress someone. i mean i can kind of see how that'd be an addicting person to date knowing he and dora broke up and got back together before. tripping over himself a hundred million times to impress her or win her back. i know for a fact the 'i have a vast soul' thoughts harry can express are him internalizing things she said about him

it could have been easy for the writing to demonize her but it was so apparent that it's harry's twisted view. god the writing of this game. picking out parts of who dora is from inside harry's imprints in the world.

[ash5monster01]

Lessons of You Part 4

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x FemReader

Warnings: fluff, mentions of depression, future smut, broken reader, 18+

Summary: Blake Parker was used to running. When life got hard, she’d run. The idea of sticking around to end up broken was scarier then she’d like to admit. So she hid away, cut all ties, and lived contently on her own. She was done running because no one could find her there. That is until a Navy Pilot runs into her life, and she learns allowing yourself to love can be scary, but hiding from it can be even worse.

word count: 2,350

Intro, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Final

Masterlist

Blake hadn’t intended to ignore Bradley. That night that they kissed, they took a break to eat pizza, start the movie, and end up making out on the couch like teenagers all over again. Every part of Blake yelled at her to let him stay the night but she didn’t want to move too fast. Letting people in wasn’t something she could just do, she had to build up to it. So Bradley left with a dopey grin and a few purple marks on his neck, completely forgetting to ask for her number. Blake figured he’d stop by on his morning run yet he never seemed to go by. So she figured he had gotten what he wanted and left. No use texting him now.

This was exactly why she didn’t let people in. True intentions are never easy to see, and most of the time they end up hurting you. So better off to be alone, and grocery shop for one person. It was cheaper that way anyway. Who needs to know someone’s favorite kind of cereal when all you have to do is buy your own? So Blake didn’t even flinch as she grabbed the Fruity Pebbles without glancing at another box in the aisle.

“Blake right?” the brunette girl stopped to see a dark hair girl, she wore sweats and a workout shirt. Her hair pulled tightly back in a bun. Blake quickly searched her mind for how she recognized this girl. Then it hit her.

“Phoenix right?” Blake asked and the girl chuckled softly.

“Yeah that’s my call sign. You can call me Nat” Blake nodded as she reached over to shake her hand. "Sorry for my appearance. We've been training so much most of us havent had a second to leave base"

"I'm assumng that includes Bradley?" as Nat nodded Blaked felt her stomach churn with guilt. She thought he was avoiding her but turns out she was the one avoiding him all along.

"He mentioned he hadn’t heard from you in a while. I'll be happy to report you’re alive" Nat teased, knowing how upset Bradley had been considering he made out with a girl he really liked just to be ghosted and not have enough time to go and see if it was true. The mission was approaching fast and no one had still succesfully completed the course.

"I know, I meant to text but I figured he'd stop by on my morning run and then it just left my mind" Blake semi-lied considering she was unsure how to approach the situation. If she reached out and apologized Bradley would assume she wanted to be more than friends yet at the same time, straddling the guys lap, and tasting every inch of his mouth arleady sent the wrong message.

"You should shoot him a text, I might strangle him the next time he asks me what he did wrong. Men think all women can help them with their problems, and try being the only one on base" Blake laughed as Nat said this, it reminding her how she used to be the one everyone went to for advice. Then she remebered that doesn’t happen anymore and her heart shattered once again.

"I could see how that can be annoying, I'll text him" Blake reached for her phone and moved to the message app to start a new conversation. Nat watched like it was her job to make sure she actually texted her friend.

Blake

I've heard through the grapevine

that someone can't shut up about me

<3 Blake

Bradley

It’s not my fault, normally when

I kiss a girl they can’t leave me alone

“You’ve got yourself one cocky friend” Blake chuckled as she looked at the text from the boy. She had barely looked up from her phone when a response came through.

“All pilots are cocky, if we didn’t have such big heads we wouldn’t be as aerodynamic” Blake laughed at Nat’s response, not minding Bradley’s cockiness one bit.

“Thanks for making me text him, I can be pretty stubborn about these kind of things” Blake said waving her phone as she set it back down in her cart, waiting a moment to text the eager boy back.

“No problem, I get letting people in is hard but if you were going to let anyone, Bradley is a good choice” Blake smiled and nodded before slowly starting back down the aisle.

“Oh wait, Nat?” Blake turned to see the girl stop and face her. “Do you know Bradley’s favorite cereal?”

“He likes Captain Crunch” she told her and Blake thanked her as she grabbed the box off the shelf. Nat watched as the girl walked away, a content smile on her face.

Blake

I’d love to prove you wrong but

I’d rather invite you over tonight?

Bradley

Be there in 20

Blake was halfway done unloading groceries when she heard the truck door slam. She had left the door open for him again so once he approached she could smile at him from inside as she continued to put stuff away. “Hey B”

“Hey other B” Blake grinned back as he let himself inside.

“I thought you were never gonna text me” he told her as he sat himself at the counter, content with watching her put groceries away.

“And I thought you gave up on your morning run” Bradley’s eyes widened as she said this. He never assumed that she would notice. Then it all made sense why she never texted, she thought he had ghosted her first.

“I wish that was the case, they’ve been making us train earlier in the day. No one really has a hang of it yet” Bradley wasn’t allowed to give much detail, but they’d practically doubled their hours trying to make it in time. It didn’t help that is was Maverick they were training with.

“Are you on a tight schedule?” Blake started to feel bad for making him leave base if he needed to be focusing on something more important.

“Kind of, we have a big mission coming up. I don’t even know if I’ll be picked though” Bradley shook his head, knowing him and Hangman were neck and neck when it came down to it.

“Should you have stayed at base, I didn’t mean to drag you away” Bradley immediately shook his head, wanting to reassure the girl.

“No, we have the weekend actually. Our last weekend before the big operation” Bradley didn’t want to explain that they were given the weekend for loved ones, a last opportunity kind of thing. The mission was one you could easily never come back from.

“So what do I have to do, to get you to spend that with me?” Blake asked and Bradley felt the tips of his ears heat up.

“You say the word and I’m here all weekend” he was already bummed about having no one to spend the weekend with. Now he would get to spend it with her.

“Stay all weekend?” she asked and Bradley grinned. Blake wanted a trial run, a two day trial run. Maybe she could allow someone back into her life for once.

“There’s no place I’d rather be” he smirked and Blake laughed as she emptied the last bag, setting the cereal on the counter. Bradley reached out and grabbed the box. “I love Captain Crunch”

“You can have some in the morning” the indication of him staying the night made his face redden some more.

“You sound like my Mom” he told her and she belly laughed as she finished putting away all the groceries. Bradley watched as she walked over to him, and he turned to face her. The minute her hips nudged with each of his knee caps his heart rate doubled in speed.

“I don’t need you spoiling your dinner” she told him and Bradley wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against him in a hug.

“If you’re serving up dinner does that mean I get to serve up dessert?” Bradley asked, his face mushing into her neck as he fluttered kisses along the side. Blake hummed contently at the feeling.

“I guess that depends on how well you behave” she told him, hands running through the short strawberry brown locks.

“I don’t plan on behaving at all” he whispered into her neck, causing her to shudder as his hands firmly squeezed her ass.

“I expected as much” she told him as he pulled his face from her neck and looked her in the eyes. “But if you plan to misbehave, wait until I’m done cooking”

“I’m not that patient” he told her and she chuckled and shook her head before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, his mustache scratching her in the process.

“You’re a Navy Pilot, I think you can handle yourself for thirty minutes” Bradley had no argument against this as she removed herself from his grip and moved to the stove where she started to cook for two. Which when you think about it, isn’t much more than one.

“I’m sorry if you thought I was avoiding you” Bradley said as she continued to work on the dinner.

“I’m sorry for not texting you” she offered back and he smiled softly at her. If this was his last weekend of freedom he was glad he was spending it here. Without the crushing reminder of loneliness and his bitter feelings towards Maverick. It was just him and a beautiful girl, one he’d like to learn more about, and it was the best distraction he could ask for.

“It’s okay, but I was close to coming and knocking down your door considering you had my number and I didn’t have yours” Bradley teased and she shook her head, a dopey grin on her face. She liked having someone around that made her smile so much.

“It’s more fun that way though, knowing you have all the power” she gave him a pointed look, knowing she was mainly in control of this relationship so far, no matter what it was.

“I’m not used to passing over the reigns” he told her and she chuckled, turning to fully face him as she allowed the dish to cook.

“You’ll have to get used to it because I’m a leader, always have been. My cousins used to pick on me for how easily control came to me” Blake stopped suddenly, sucking in a sharp breath at the mention of her cousins. She hadn’t had a thought like that infiltrate her mind and so easily slip out to none other than a stranger. Bradley noticed this, how her lip slightly quivered, and she regained her composure. He thought to himself how in control she was of her emotions. She was right about being a leader.

“Your cousins, are you close?” Blake started shaking her head and turned back to her food. Clearly trying to find a way to escape the conversation.

“We were” she said sharply, fighting to keep her tears away. She never would’ve considered allowing someone in her life would make her so easily crumble to all the ways she worked to keep those kind of thoughts at bay.

“Is that because you left?” Bradley didn’t want to push, but if he had cousins he would do everything in his power to stay with them.

“No, they backed away long before I decided to take my own step back” it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him.

"Not to overstep, but if I had the choice I wouldn't of given up on them. Life takes a lot of turns, and people come and go, but sometimes youre lucky enough to have the ones who stay. If you ask me it sounds like you had the choice to stay and you left them" Blake felt the tears slip and she stepped back from the stove so they wouldn’t land in their dinner. Bradley had done nothing but offer her the truth, and he was also the first person to get through to her in a long time.

"Why is it you always have the perfect thing to say?" she asked as she quickly wiped her eyes and turned to face him again.

"I've been on my own a long time, not by choice. I spend everyday thinking about what my life would be if I still had my parents and Uncle Maverick" he told her and she drew her eyebrows together.

"You lost your Uncle too?" she asked and he shook his head.

"No, we had a falling out a few years back. Somet things you just can't come back from" he told her and she shook her head.

"Sounds like you need to take some of your own advice" she said squeezing his hand and for the frst time he thought about how he never gave Maverick a chance to explain. He never allowed himself to see how hard Maverick was actualy trying to fix things. Not only did Bradley lose his father but Maverick lost him too.

"I guess I do. Maybe the two of us just need to work on our people skills" he offered and she chuckled as she wiped away the remaining tears in her eyes.

"How about we start with each ottoher?" she asked, content on just being here with him because somehow he managed to comfort her despite only knowing him a few days.

"I'd love to work on my people skills with you" he said as he stood and wrapped his arms around her waist. Bradley gave her a quick spin, trying to lighten the sad mood they always managed to find with each other.

"I have a feeling you’re going to pretty good at it" Blake told him and Bradley chuckled and teasingly shook his head at the girl before pulling her to his lips for a real kiss. Never would he have thought book girl would be as amazing as this, if he could keep her forever he would.

Tag list: @emma8895eb

Comment if you want to be added to the tag list :))

[welcometotheinvertedworld]

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕄𝕪 𝕆𝕟𝕝𝕪 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪~

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 ��

It had been a few months now, and Shinji and I had gotten pretty close. He started teaching me his way of how he does strategy and battle. We trained most days throughout the week, but never on the weekends. That was when we delve into his music or hung out at his home. Captain Hirako never went easy on me, though. He acted as if I was an actual enemy. He wanted me to take things very seriously when it came to training. He made it clear as to why...

𝒫𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓎~

"Captain?"

"How many times do I have to tell (y/n)? You don't have to call me "Captain". Just call me Shinji..."

"Oh yeah... I keep forgetting."

"You don't always have to be so formal."

I giggled nervously, scratching the back of my head.

"Anyways~ What's up."

"Well... I was just wondering why you go so hard on me..."

As we were talking, I was sitting on a rock within the garden of our quarters. We liked to train at night, when everyone was asleep. Shinji made his way over and sat down right next to me, perching like a bird. He tended to find sitting like that the most comfortable.

"You're starting to seriously leave some harsh bruises on me, sir.."

"Oh~.. Really? Let's see, then?"

Captain Hirako took his hands and lifted my left arm. He gently brushed the sleeve to my uniform off to the side, revealing marks from the wooden sword slashes.

"I want you to understand (y/n).."

I looked down at the marks. As I did, I felt a firm grip around my chin. He slowly forced my gaze to meet his.

"Each one of these bruises represents a cut, an indication that you would have been wounded in battle..."

The moonlight was starting to be unveiled as the clouds that covered it passed by. The blue hues were grazing against our pale skin, illuminating the whole courtyeard. There was this feeling I had, getting overwhelmed, warm, and fuzzy as he stared. Shinji released his hold on my chin and used that hand to trail his indenx finger down my arm.

"Right throughout here is a critical artery, and do you see how you've been hit several times around here?"

He caressed my arm with his hands, softly touching the inner parts of where the bruises were mostly accumulated. Lightly rubbing his thumb in circles against my tender skin.

"Tsk!"

I softly mumbled the pain in my voice, my face scrunched up, reacting to the slight pressure that was applied.

"If I was a true enemy, you would have been killed....One of my duties as Captain is to ensure my squad stays alive, and I'm not going to just go easy on you because you're a comrade or my friend. In order for one to survive, one must truly endure what's to come on the battlefield. That's how I see it, at least..."

I shrugged, acknowledging the truth behind his words. He wants to simulate what a real battle would be like in order to teach me that my life could be gone in an instant if I'm not careful. I closed my eyes and let out a sign, somewhat depressed now... this got morbid fast..

I heard the palm of Shinji's hand touch the cold stone we sat on. His left hand made its way toward the curve of my cheek. It startled me and made me jump. My eyes shot open, and once again, I stared into those dark chocolate eyes.

"If I ever lost you... I couldn't possibly imagine what I'd ever do with myself...."

𝐹𝒾𝓃

It's been so long now since that night has happened. I remember it very clearly, though, considering the number of butterflies I wanted to puke out. The way his tone was, to the emotional depth behind his words, even his touch was sinfully sweet. Just everything about Shiji was intoxicating....

He'd always walk me home after every mission or any task that involves us both, most of the time we'd just meet up. Whenever he'd take me home, he'd rarely come inside. Usually, we always go to his place. Considering it was bigger, he had a lot more cooler things that he had brought back from the world of the living.

"I guess I never would have thought that my Captain would become my best friend... There was just one problem..."

"Hey~"

I was extremely deep in thought, thinking about everything going on between us. Enjoying the nice evening sitting out on the wooden deck of the barracks. His huge hands covered my eyes, startling me. He snickered behind me, laughing at how funny it was that I spilled my cup of tea all over me.

"Ugh! Shinji!"

"You should have seen the look on your face, Haha, I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that. You're always so jumpy. It's not my fault you get scared so easily."

He sat down next to me, holding his abdomen trying to hold back any more laughter that he had contained. Once he composed himself and wiped away a tear or two, he steadied himself to speak. I tried to ignore his existence, I was pretty irritated about my tea being split.

"Don't be so touchy now~ I only wanted to stop by an chat with ya."

"Don't be so touchy, huh? You're lucky that my tea wasn't scorching hot!"

My sentence had a crescendo to it, as I reeled back my right arm to shove my elbow extremely hard into his side. There was tea still left over in my cup. The Captain was "unfortunately" lucky that my right hand was holding that cup. As I jammed the point of my elbow into his ribs, the air from his lungs exploded into a gasp of pain, the rest of the luke warm liquid spilled all over his uniform as well. He was trying to catch a breath, trying to form words.

"Wha-what the hell is wrong with you?! How is that fair (y/n)? I didn't jab you in the side, I only unintentionally scared you..."

"Well, you could say it's fair now."

I was trying to now hold back my laughter, covering the biggest grin on my face as it looked like the Great Captain Hirako had pissed his pants.

"What? What do you mean, fair?"

"Ca-Captain! Yor- Haha- your-"

"The hell are you laughing for?"

I glanced at his pants, finally busting out in laughter. I couldn't take it anymore! He looked down and finally noticed the puddle of tea soaking up the fabrics of his Shihakusho.

"Damn, maybe it isn't fair! I hit you so hard that you just now realized I spilled tea all over you!"

"(Y/n)!"

"What, what, don't be so touchy now~ Shinji~"

We both collected ourselves. Shinji being bitter that I felt satisfied with how that whole thing played out.

"Well, it serves you right~"

"What did you wanna talk about, Shinji~"

"I don't know if I want to talk now, considering what you did."

"Well, maybe you should pay attention more, so that next time you don't get me all wet."

We both scowld at one another, and he looked at me as if I really had to do that. And the answer is yes, yes I did.

"Fine fine, ugh... I was gonna ask if you want to go on a walk with me later tonight. The moon's supposed to be fully blue. Thought it'd be a pretty sight to share with ya."

"Mmhmmm... I don't know, what if I don't want to go considering what you did~"

"Oh, don't play that game with me! Making fun of me isn't masking the fact that I can see in your eyes that you wanna go!"

"You know me so well~"

"Of course I know you, I see you almost every day, you idiot!"

"Idiot? I wouldn't be using that word if I were you, considering that the whole Seireitei can hear you screaming like one."

I giggled at how playful this was. Pushing Shinji's buttons was always fun, not really my thing, but every now and then, I feel like messing with him. He let out a sign, relaxed his body, and started to speak again.

"Seriously though, are you coming or not?"

Now, it was my turn to match his demeanor.

"Of course. Like you said, you can see right through me. Have no reason not to go."

"Hm, well, if you excuse me. I'm going to go change before some officer, (y/n)! Comes strolling by and thinks I've pissed myself."

As he walked away, he was looking at me, making faces and sticking his tongue out.

"That's a good idea. Better go get ready for tonight, right? And you're being very immature considering you are a Captain."

I began to stand while saying those words, patting liquid off of me.

"Oh, put a sock in it! You're beginning to sound just like Sosuke."

All I could do was gently smile, seeing how my smart ass mouth was getting to him.

"See you soon, Shinji!"

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛

[nightowl33art]

Old recording found.

Since I'm meeting my new therapist tomorrow, I decided to sort my evidence and update anything important. While looking through voice recordings, I found a nearly 23 minute long monologue from Dionysus on August 23, 2023. I listened to the whole thing. Couldn't find it in written form anywhere so I assume he said it all on the spot. I feel bad. You can really hear the pain in his voice. He sounded awful. I do not remember this recording, nor do I remember what upset him so bad. It appears though that this was around his first fronting session after figuring out he was his own. I've decided to transcribe it because it hits hard. Mostly accurate.

"I've encountered a lot of terrifying things in my life. Some more terrific than others. Some things strike more fear into my heart than others. But none, I believe, are quite as terrifying as the man in my DNA. The thing that contributed to my very being... somehow a monster in my own house... at least once.

Growing up, I was scared. Home was a war zone and you weren't ever fully safe. Not when he was around. Not when he wanted you. Somehow.. somehow, he gained so much power, that he took the very essentials- the things that made you- the fundamentals of your very being, and he twisted it into an ugly mush. Now I'm stuck with that mush for my whole life.

I look at it. Sometimes I let it consume me, and I'm scared when it does. I'm consumed by the fear. The one swift motion, and my entire body tenses up. I'm scared once again. Then I forget it all. I forget it happens. I can't remember how I felt until it's too late, and the cycle repeats. I feel the same terror over and over. It never quite sticks.

I'm always fearing him. I'm always a bit scared. More importantly, because of the way he twisted my entire life into an ugly mess- the way he made my beliefs built on lies, deception, manipulation at every corner.

I sit here with hatred. A seething, burning hatred. So much that it'll burn every bit of my being. A fire so big, soul-raging, that I don't know what to do with it. And so it splits, into someone else, in a different part of the mind. That rage can be its own thing. It doesn't have to be anyone else.

I wonder where you'll end up some years from now. Where will you be when you get older? What do you want to do when you grow up? Lord I never knew. Until I did. The very purpose of my life came to me one night. I don't know where, or when, or why exactly, but I knew I was to be an entertainer. I would make everyone happy. And I would myself happy doing just that. It didn't matter the rhyme, the reason, the meaning, the medium, or necessarily even the time. I just knew that I would.

I'm afraid. Is it wrong to be afraid? Shadows.. shadows aren't terrifying at all. Little things you used to fear, thinking ghosts were real and monsters lurked out there. None of them could compare... to the monster at home. It makes you wonder. How such a person can even exist. How can such a cruel man be real? I can't exactly remember the last time I felt this way. I just know I have. And at this point, I'm tired. We're all very tired and we want it to stop. It hurts our head. It hurts our body. We're anxious.

I saw him complaining to me, about her, but I could feel my body, the anxiety coursing through. I could feel my heart pick up. I could tell I needed to breathe more air. But I couldn't break until he was gone. So I stare at him, agreeable, manageable, quiet, frowning, maybe a little depressed sounding. But whatever you want, whatever you say, just to get him out. It feels nice when he leaves. You feel free again, you can breathe again, when he exits out that door. And you can safely lock it behind him.

What did I do? I didn't do anything to deserve this pain, this torment. Yet I live in anguish. This much he says and he doesn't... this is torture. This is real life and it's a waking nightmare with him around. This is scarier than anything I think I could dream up. Just about anything.

I think one of the only things that could be scarier than this, is losing absolutely everything I have to him. And I'd have to relinquish control, what little control I have over my own life right now, to him. I don't want to be his puppet. I don't want to lose what I have. I might not have all the [?], but I have something. I've gotten a taste of freedom. It tasted pretty good. I don't wanna go numb and empty. I don't wanna feel dead in there anymore. I'm tired of feeling helpless, alone in a sense, trapped in this maze, this prison, forever. I want to get out so badly. I want to escape. It's all so close and yet so far away.

But I can get there. Cause as much as he calls me frail and weak, I'm a lot stronger than he thinks. I'm a lot tougher than he thinks I am.

It's true, I don't know everything. But neither does he. And I doubt that he knows everything. He acts like he knows best. He's a weathered, traveled, experienced man who knows exactly what makes the world go round, what makes it work. But I've spoken to other people, I've seen things. I don't think that's quite how it works. I just have to learn not to be afraid of what's out there. To step out and take that dive. Cause if I get too scared, if I clamp up, I'm gonna be stuck with him. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he'll be controlling me, just as he's always wanted to do.

I don't get it. I don't get what's with him. It's probably the narcissism, if I'm honest. So full of himself, so manipulative, he doesn't care. He can't see. And he says he cares... he says he does all this stuff because he loves us... Why would you threaten to kick your kid out if you loved them?

I don't know what love is. I sure as hell know it's not that- it can't be that. Love is real care, understanding. You might not know how someone ticks exactly, but you'll at least try to learn. You care about their well being, but you don't do it on a superficial level.

You never took the time to get to know us. And now, even when you try, you won't get in. Cause we've learned, we know better by now. We don't trust you, we don't like you, we don't love you, but that's your own fault.

I don't know when I'll get out of here, but I know I will. Cause that's what I've been aiming for ever since I've figured it out. This dream, it ain't right. This isn't how it's supposed to be in a normal, loving family.

I don't know. I don't know if I wanna think my father loves me for real, as much as it is that he loves the idea of what I could be. Cause if I'm not a trophy, if I ain't fit to be a bragging right, what good am I? Instead we disappoint, we disgust, we make him sad. And I just don't CARE if you're sad, I don't care if you're disappointed. I've grown past that at this point. It used to hurt hearing those things but I got over it. Cause I figured it out. It's not worth it. It doesn't matter what you want, it don't matter what you like.

I'm not saying I'm gonna go out there, get a tattoo, gamble my savings away. Although it sure would be funny, gambling all his money for me away after he dies. I know better. I don't plan on any of that. But his way doesn't have to be the right way. Doesn't have to be the only way. I know a lot of things are obscured, and I can't see everything completely. A lot of this looks invisible to me because of the way I was raised. But I know there are more ways than one. I know there's other ways to live life. They aren't in his book.

I wanna explore. I wanna go out on my own. I don't wanna be tied down by some madman who only really thinks of himself. He says it's for our good, he says it's cause he loves us. I don't understand how love can twist you so horribly. You're just a narcissist and you're just selfish. If you ain't a narcissist, you're awful narcissistic-like. And it hurts and I wish you'd see how much it hurts. How draining it is to be nearby you. How painful it is, in a sense, to be you.

I didn't ask to be born. And yet because I am born, I have to suffer the consequences of it. I have to live a life of threats and fear, because half of my DNA is his. And he's too stupidly stubborn and "loving" to let us go. To kick us out, to disown us all already. He's so stupid. He doesn't realize... he thinks he's the smartest guy in the world. Makes my head spin.

I don't understand everything. I don't know if I ever will understand. The brain wants to rationalize, but... there isn't much to rationalize about here. He's just... so into himself. That's just how it is. And I'm left alone with my thoughts. The other men that aren't quite me. We're here for each other. At least we're not him.

Cause one day he's gonna get what's coming to him. He's gonna be left in the dust. And maybe, maybe just maybe, I'll never have to speak to him again. That'll be a great, joyous day. No matter how it goes, I'm gonna celebrate that goddamn event. Whether it's big and loud, or quiet. Whether I'm scared from it, or I'm empowered, either way: I'm free. And I can breathe. And finally... I can heal. The nightmare has ended. The pain, the torment, will go away.

It's just a matter of time and determination. Finding the right opportunities to make a move. And he won't know till it's too late. And his pawn will be gone. I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna make my mistakes, I'm gonna get my hands dirty. But it's all gonna be me. No one else can influence those decisions. If we wanna do what we wanna do, then we're gonna do it.

Perhaps I'll celebrate when you keel over. Life will be better when we're out of your picture. Cause we can't move you, but we can certainly get around you. You try to block the exist door. You try to cover it in curtains and couches. You try to take that very thing away from us. There's always another way around. And you can't stop me from getting my justice. And if all that is is getting out of here, then by golly, let it be. This is not the end. I will get out of here. And when I do, life's gonna be lovely, I just know it."