#every year something happens around my birthday which just destroys my mood completely

[sebandlewis]

.

[kerie-prince]

forgotten birthdays

Fred Weasley x Slytherin!reader

requested: (anon) Hiii, can I request something aangsty with Fred Weasley and slytherin reader? Like he got mad for something, maybe jealousy bc reader was spending much time with her house mates and he ignores her or says mean things to her but with a happy ending please 🥺

warnings: language

summary: Fred has his suspicions about your best friend and on the day of your birthday, he crosses the line which causes you to rethink your relationship

a/n: yoo this was hard to write for a quick second lol i hope you enjoy ~ plus, i got a new job so i'm in training and i'm so excited bc i've been wanting this job for so long (y/n/n = your nickname)

(gif not mine, cred to owner)

It was getting irritating.

You love Fred with all your heart, but he needed to stop being jealous. Marcus Flint was, is, and always will just be a friend of yours. You two grew up together and are nearly attached to the hip. Never once had you two of you flirted or done anything together. It was purely platonic, but Fred insisted there was something.

And going to Marcus’ prefect dorm after every fight probably didn't help your cause all that well, but he's your best friend. Who else would you talk to? You didn't have many girlfriends and when Fred introduced you to Angelina, you had gotten into a big fight for no reason. But you never asked him to stop hanging out with her even though you wanted to.

You could tell she liked Fred, but you were confident enough to know that Fred would never do you wrong like that. So why does he think that of you? Why does he get to hang out with Angelina, but he gets angry when you barely say two words to Marcus?

It was hard, but you’d work it out and still love each other at the end of the day. But then your birthday came around, and you’d just about had it.

You woke up in a good mood; the river sent in flowing rays of sunlight. Not too blinding, but not too dim either. This would be the second time celebrating your birthday with your boyfriend and if last year was amazing, you couldn't wait to see what Fred had planned for you today.

You took your time getting ready; you put on more make-up than usual and rather than tying your hair up with a clip as you always did, you let it down and fixed some strays to better frame your face. When you walked into the common room, your best friend snuck up behind you and yelled in your ear, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Y/N!”

Your natural response was to duck down and cover your ears. You hated when he did that, but you still appreciate the sentiment. You punched his arm as you laughed. “That’s not funny.”

“Oh yeah, then why did I laugh?” Marcus joked. Malfoy and his friends were behind him chuckling, all boys greeting you and wishing you a happy birthday. Marcus flung his arm around your shoulder and walked with you to get breakfast.

Once in the Great Hall, you saw Fred and his friends all laughing at the Gryffindor table and just when you were about to break free from Marcus’ hold, he pulled you back, “Oh no you don’t. You have all day to hang out with Weasley and company, but right now, you are gonna have at least one meal with your best friend.” You weren't going to argue; you didn't want to. If you wanted to sit with Fred, you wouldn't have to put up a fight, you would just do it. At your Slytherin table were Marcus’ other friends, Adrian Pucey and Terence Higgs. You sat in between them and pulled your hood up when they started embarrassing you by singing a birthday song. It was starting to be a great day.

However, across the Hall was Fred glaring daggers at your best friends’ arm around you. He couldn't hear what was going on, either due to the fact that you were pretty far from where he sat, or from jealous rage. “Freddie, you alright?” George asked his brother. “Yeah, just fine, Georgie.” He couldn't stand Flint. He would be enraged with every glance towards you, every whisper in your ear during class, and every time he made you laugh. Fred was sure that Flint was in love with you, but because you grew up with him you were too blind to see it. He was convinced that at any given moment, your ‘best friend’ would take advantage of you.

What also made him upset is that not only did you let Flint wrap his arm around you, you didn't even come say hi to your boyfriend. You always came every morning to his table to give him a morning kiss and sometimes even sat at the Gryffindor table.

In potions class, you sat and waited for your boyfriend to come through the doors. You weren't sure what to expect from him. Fred is an absolute wild card and could come through those doors with anything. And no matter what he brought, he’d for sure get in trouble with Snape.

When he walked through the doors with his brother and Lee, you sat up straight in your seat and waved at him. He saw you, but instead of smiling at you and taking the seat next to yours, he just looked away and sat on the other side of the room. Did something happen? You chose to ignore it until lunch rolled around and he still hadn't come up to you to even say ‘hi’ to you. Had he forgotten your birthday? It could happen, but that doesn't explain why he looked to be in a bad mood.

Once your classes were finished, you walked up the changing stairs and said the password to the Gryffindor dorms. You remembered the updated password your boyfriend gave you the week before and it was your first time using it today.

You didn't know what to expect to see; you secretly wished that today was just a big prank and Fred had actually planned a surprise party of some sort. But when you stepped foot into the room filled with tones of red and gold, there was no party. Just Fred laughing with his friends like normal. Normal without you.

Lee’s laugh died down when he noticed you walking up to Fred. He noticed Lee getting quiet all of a sudden and asked him, “Why are you quiet all of a sudden?” He felt a tap on his shoulder and spun around. “What are you doing in here?”

“Why, are Slytherins not allowed inside?” you joked. Your voice was slightly quiet and had a slight sad tone to it. “I missed you today, is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. I've just been busy. Like you have,” Fred didn't mean to sound so bitter, but he was getting tired of it. He was tired of being second best to Flint.

“What are you talking about?” you asked.

“You've been with Flint all day,” Fred explained himself. You rolled your eyes, two fingers grabbing the temple of your nose from it suddenly starting to become irritated like you were. “Merlin, this again? Freddie, we talked about this. Marcus is just a friend. He's my best friend.”

Fred scoffed, “Y/N/N, you may think that but he doesn't. You trust him too much to see it, but I do. He's not just a friend.”

“You’re friends with Angelina when you know she likes you. And I know it too, but I don't say anything because I don't want to be that girlfriend who controls her boyfriends,” you were tired of playing this game with him. Your voice was heard by everyone in the room and soon enough, tons of peers had all eyes on you. Some either decided to stay, and some like Neville decided to head straight into their dorm rooms and lock the door for safety.

“Me being friends with Angelina is nothing like you being friends with Flint and you know that,” Fred raised his voice louder than anyone’s probably heard him. George and Lee silently guided people out of the common room and up to the dorms. Some people looked over the stairs to get a view of the commotion downstairs. One of them being Angelina herself when she heard her name being called out.

“No you’re right, it's different because he’s not pining over me and waiting for me to become available,” your arms were flailing about in anger, pointing at nothing to put emphasis in your words.

“How many times do I have to say I don’t like Ang? It’s never going to happen!” Angelina heard from up the staircase. Everyone heard him, loud and clear. She ran into her dorm and slammed the door so hard that you could feel the walls shake. “Great,” Fred sighed in frustration. It wasn't the ideal way to let someone down. He intended on talking to her in private without listening ears so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

“I'm not saying you like Angelina. I know you don’t like Angelina. What I’m saying is that you’re wrong about Marcus. I know he doesn't like me, you're just acting insecure,” you yelled back at him..

“I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to see he has feelings for you, Y/N/N,” Fred yelled, “I see the way he looks at you in every class and in the Hall. But you’re too fucking stupid to see–,” he immediately stopped what he was saying.

You couldn't believe what he was telling you right now. You could handle him calling you naive, but stupid? This was low, even for him.

You were getting stares from everyone in the common room. Your pride was more than hurt in this moment; it was destroyed. No words came from your mouth as you were completely still in your seat on the couch. Your nails dug into your skin as it was formed into a tight fist. But the worst of all was that your lips were quivering and you had to fight the tears on your birthday.

Your fucking birthday.

“Well if it bothers you so much, then fine. I'll fix the problem,” you started to speak low for only him to hear you.

“How?”

“I’ll end the problem,” a single tear escaped and trailed down your cheeks. This was the last thing you wanted to do today, but you couldn't take it anymore. He was scared to ask, but his ego got in the way, “And what's the problem?”

“Us,” you stated. He started saying something, but you couldn't hear it as you left. No, you actively ignored everything he was saying at that point. The second you were outside, you started bawling. And you kept at it all the way to the Slytherin common room and into your room.

You paced around your room rubbing your hands on your arms to try and calm yourself down, but nothing was working. Before you even processed it, your legs took you to Marcus’ room without second thought. You continuously knocked on his door until he answered, shirtless and with sweatpants that looked like they were just thrown on.

“Listen, I know it’s your birthday but that doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want–,” he focused in on your face and saw your red cheeks and puffy eyes. You looked behind him and there was a girl with him who sat in his bed looking curious. He looked back to her and just simply ordered, “Out,” which got her moving in seconds.

Once she was gone, he pulled you in and shut his door. Marcus guided you to a black leather chair in his room. “Sit,” his voice was stern, but never harsh with you. “What happened?”

As if by cue, you broke down completely. “It's o-o-over.”

“What is?” he questioned. But piecing it together, there's only one reason you'd be this upset in his room.

He never really knew what to do in situations like when you'd have your usual arguments, always just telling you that everything will be fine and you and Fred would be fine in the morning.

But now, he was feeling two things. One, slight heartache that his best friend is upset in front of him and two, nearly absolute rage that Fred is such an idiot.

Marcus started rubbing your back, “Hey, look at me.” When you shook your head no, he gently tapped on your shoulders until you did. “You are gonna be fine. Okay? You will be fine. There's plenty of other guys here–”

“I don't want to be with other guys, Marcus. I want Fred. I love Fred. But,” you shrugged up both hands, “I don't know. I don't know.” Your best friend pulled you in for a hug.

“Hey, sleep here tonight. You shouldn't be alone right now, especially today.” You nodded your head and kept crying until you couldn't anymore.

—

“HEY!” Marcus’ voice traveled beyond the corridors. Students were fleeing left and right to move out of his way as he made a straight line towards the group of Gryffindors who sat around a tree outside.

Before they could react to what was going on, Marcus punched one of the tall gingers in his abdomen. “OW, what was that for?!”

“You're going to apologize to Y/N right now,” Marcus demanded.

“You idiot, I'm George,” he corrected, still bent over and leaning on Lee for balance. “Shit, sorry.” Marcus looked at Fred and punched him in the same area quicker before Fred could block it. “You're going to apologize to Y/N.”

With a strain in his voice, Fred looked at the Slytherin in front of him, “What for, she broke up with me.”

“Okay, why? Because you're pathetic and insecure.”

“Is that what she told you?” Fred straightened himself up rubbing on the pain. “Of course she told you, she tells you everything.”

“Yeah, why wouldn't she? I'm her cousin,” Marcus pointed out. If he wasn't so mad, he would laugh at Fred's look of astonishment.

“No, you have different family names. And you don't even look related,” Fred wasn't buying it.

“That's because when I was eight, my dad married her aunt. I'm still her cousin,” Marcus explained.

“She never told me anything, how was I supposed to know?” Fred complained. George and his other friends left the two to argue by themselves but stood at a close enough distance to hear the conversation and be able to jump in if it were to get violent.

“Maybe if you got your head out of your ass, you would actually pay attention to her,” Marcus used his pointer finger to push against Fred’s forehead which caused the ginger to swat his hand away. “So get over whatever complex you have and apologize. If I'm being honest, there's plenty of Slytherins that can treat her better but she wants you for some reason.”

Fred knew he was right. And it was that reason why he always felt the way he did. You were enamored by many housemates, all handsome and rich. But you didn't like any of them. You love Fred. You love the lanky, devious, modestly handsome, funny Gryffindor more than anyone you've ever met.

Fred didn't say anything and walked away. His brother was asking where he was going but he didn't answer. Before he was out of Marcus’ sight, the Slytherin said one last thing, “By the way, I hope you know it was her birthday yesterday.”

Fuck. He picked up his pace and ran towards the dungeons. Halfway there, he figured that he didn't want to show up empty handed, so he made a detour to the greenhouse to 'borrow’ some flowers from Sprout’s personal garden.

You sat on one of the couches in your common room. Across from you was Adrian and Terence, arguing about some Ravenclaw girl. Some younger students passed by and whispered amongst themselves to which you didn't pay any mind to until you heard a third year say something about a Weasley being outside.

You knew it wasn't Ron because after his second year break in with Harry, he vowed that he'd never do it again. You stood up and nearly sprinted outside.

Fred was standing awkwardly outside. He tried to get a student to ask for you to come outside but they would all just scrunch their noses in disgust and keep walking. “Annoying little–”

“What are you doing here?” you asked. Your arms were crossed and you slouched your shoulders a bit. Fred noticed how your cheeks were swollen and the bags under your eyes were tinted a rosy pink. In his left hand, there was a single, large sunflower. He raised it in front of you, hoping you would accept it. “You know I’m allergic to those, right?”

Fred’s eyes bulged out. There is no way I didn't know this. Figuring he’s had enough torture, you spoke again, “I’m joking.”

“O-oh. Heh.” You grabbed the flower from him. “I’m… really sorry. I was such an arse–”

“You are an arse,” you corrected. “Yeah, you’re right. I should have trusted Flint. I should have trusted you. And if you’d let me, I want to prove that I do.”

You released a deep sigh and rubbed your forehead. “Freddie. You have to mean it this time. I can't keep going back and forth with you like this. You can't throw a fit every time I hang out with Marcus. Or Adrian. Or Terence.”

“So is that a yes?” Fred persisted. You looked at him properly in his eyes; he seemed sincere this time. And you could only hope that he was. With a nod of your head, Fred broke into smiles and picked you up from the floor and twirled you around. Your head was still sore from all the crying the night before, but you still had a smile on your face.

When he put you down, he took the hand that wasn't holding the flower and walked with you to the Great Hall for food. “So when were you going to tell me that Flint is your cousin?”

“I figured you’d find out at a family gathering or something had you waited a little longer.” He pinched your nose in response, “And you call me devious.”

—

requests open!

[twiceblackvelvet]

Can I request a angst/fluff scenario where reader and jisoo have broken up but reader gets drunk and confesses their love for her 🥺

A/N; i left this quite open-ended because i may expand on this in the future, hope you don’t mind anon. enjoy!

It’s been three weeks now since your entire world came crashing down. Not that you’ve even noticed. Time stopped existing when the feeling of life having no meaning anymore took over your mind. 

For the last year, you dedicated your time, effort and love to someone who you thought you’d be with for the rest of your life. Thus, now you’re no longer able to do that, the thought of moving on feels like the universe’s way of having a joke at your expense. 

You’ll never be able to find someone as loving, beautiful, strong, kind, funny and considerate as Jisoo. Yet, you managed to throw it all away in the blink of an eye over a silly accusation. An accusation that shouldn’t have even fallen from your mouth. One that Jisoo just can’t seem to forgive you for. 

After a day full of practicing new choreography for her next comeback, Jisoo decided to unwind by heading out to a bar with the rest of her members, she dropped you a quick text telling you not to bother waiting up for her and yet you still did. When she finally made it back to the dorm your built-up frustrations over how little you’ve gotten to see each other lately as well as your own insecurities just got the better of you in the heat of the moment. 

The next thing you remember is being told to leave. You’d seemingly blacked out in a haze of anger. The image of Jisoo’s cold eyes soaked in her own tears as she tells you the relationship is over has been tormenting you ever since. 

You later found out from Jennie, who you bombarded with texts after Jisoo blocked your number, that you’d accused her of cheating with their choreographer. Every bit of trust between you both shattered into a million pieces and there’s no way you can glue them all back together. 

Every night since has been spent wallowing in self-pity, scrolling through pictures of you both and mentally abusing yourself for being the world’s biggest idiot. 

Tonight, however, you have to put on the biggest and fakest smile humanly possible. In your depressed state, you’d completely blanked on the fact that it’s your best friend’s birthday and that she’s organized a party for herself. You tried repeatedly to get out of going but she too is fed up with your moping and convinced you that having fun is exactly what you need. 

So, here you are. The middle of a nightclub, music pulsating through several speakers placed on every wall and yet you’re still unable to drown out thoughts of Jisoo. 

“Cone on, liven up a bit. Here, have a drink!” A woman you don’t recognize whatsoever places a drink down in front of you and stumbles off towards another table. 

Usually, you wouldn’t be so silly as to accept a drink from a stranger, but you’ve passed the point of caring whether you end up spiked or not. For a split second, you even hope this already drunk woman has added something extra to your drink solely so you can stop all of your thoughts and feelings for longer than five seconds. 

One drink quickly turns to two drinks and then soon enough you’re in the same state as the woman who initially handed you the first. Your balance has gone flying out of the window as the ground has seemingly turned to jelly. Well, either that or your legs. 

“I think you’ve had enough, babe. Why don’t we get you home?” You try to focus your eyes to see which face this voice belongs to but you’re unable to see clearly as three of the same person appears before you instead. Everything around you is hazy and the dizziness is not helping. Before you can answer your mind goes blank and you once again blackout. 

Someone above must be on your side as luckily your awaken when a taxi driver shakes your body and tells you that you’ve arrived home. You quickly stumble out of the car as to not hold them up any longer but you soon realize that the building before you is not your home. 

Without thinking, you stumble up to the front door and ring the bell. You try to stand up straight and look presentable, but in actuality, you look like someone has hit you with a bus. 

The door slowly opens and you’re pulled inside by a clearly frustrated Jennie. 

“What are you doing here?” Her question is answered without words when she smells the alcohol on your breath and takes in your disheveled appearance. “Oh god, you’ve been drinking. Come on, let’s go back outside, I’ll get you-” She’s unable to finish her sentence as she notices your eyes boring past her face to something behind her. 

“It’s fine Jennie, I can handle this.” 

Hearing Jisoo’s voice for the first time in three weeks makes your insides burn deeply with need. Every inch of your body is begging you to run to her, wrap her up in your arms and never leave her side again. Despite your intoxicated state, your mind tells you not to do what is your first instinct and to instead allow her to guide you slowly to her room without speaking a word to each other. 

Once inside the room that you’d previously spent many nights curled up beside the woman in front of you, your eyes allow the flood gates to open and no matter how hard you try the tears won’t stop falling. Jisoo simply stares on at you with the same cold expression as the day you left, her hands are fidgeting with the hem of her oversized sweater and her feet don’t quite know whether to carry her body to be beside you or stay rooted firmly to the ground.

“Why did you come here? I can see that you’re drunk but… why here?”

Your mind hadn’t allowed you previously to think about how you ended up here. But now, the only thing coming to the forefront of your mind is that you love her. You love Jisoo with every fiber of your being. You love the way her eyes shine whenever she smiles. You love the way her skin is so soft and flawless. You love the way her first instinct in a scary situation is to lighten the mood with one of her silly jokes. But most importantly, you love that her heart is so pure and ready to offer care to anyone who needs it. Yet, you decided to break said heart just as easily as she had trusted you to look after it.

“I’m sorry, I should leave.” You stand up albeit slightly unsteadily and begin to head back towards the door you just entered but her hand grasps tightly around your wrist and drags you back to your seated position.

“No, you came here for a reason tonight, I want to know why.” Her voice is harsh now and your ears sting slightly having never heard this tone previously.

There are so many racing thoughts inside your head now. You know you don’t deserve forgiveness. You know you don’t deserve this opportunity to explain yourself. You know that no matter what you say here you’ll never be able to stop the feeling of self-loathing nor take away Jisoo’s anguish. Yet, you try.

“I’m not sure, honestly. I went out with some friends and I guess I drank a lot more than I should have and now I’m here.” The first expression you see is a disappointment, clearly unhappy with your answer Jisoo sighs and sits down in front of you with her arms and legs crossed. “I really didn’t intend to come here, I just… I guess in my mind I just felt like I needed to be with you. Now that I think about it, I realize how selfish that makes me. I get myself into a state like this and my first instinct is to come running back to you to look after me.”

Word vomit has seemingly taken over your brain as you’re unable to stop yourself from letting words spill from your mouth without thinking them through, this time, they’re not accusing Jisoo of things you know she’d never in her life do. Instead, they’re confessing what’s inside your heart once more.

“I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much and that you have every right to be mad at me, never forgive me or even throw me out right now. But I need you to know that truly, I am so sorry. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know you’d never do anything to hurt me or our relationship. You have been so honest, loyal and caring every single day and I just… I got so frustrated with not getting to see you or having to cancel plans because your studio time went longer than it was supposed to. You were right beside me at times and I still missed you.” 

Your entire body begins to shake now that you’ve started to open up. Jisoo notices this and slowly sits beside you and entwines your fingers together as she looks up at you through eyes rimmed with tears.

“I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe you’d grown bored of me or that you’d found someone else. I know it sounds stupid but I started to tell myself every single day that you were going to leave me thinking it would prepare me for it. Instead, it turned me into this jealous monster who couldn’t handle hearing about any other person being around you. I got so lost inside my own head that I ended up destroying us completely.”

Jisoo pulls you into a gentle hug as she runs her hand across your back. Your thoughts are still telling you that you’re undeserving of all of this. That she’s being too kind by comforting you after you ripped her heart out of her chest all due to your own insecurities. She still remains silent and allows you to finish what you’ve started.

“I love you. I love you more than anything else in this world. I know that you probably don’t believe that or think that I have a funny way of showing it but it’s true. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and I’m scared that you always will be because I don’t deserve you. I want to be happy again but I can’t without you and I don’t want to let you forgive me at the same time. I love you so much that it’s killing me.”

With that, you remove yourself from the embrace Jisoo has pulled you into and grab your bag to leave. You’re not sure if it’s from pouring your heart and soul out or the after-effects of several tequila shots but exhaustion has finally hit and you need to get home.

“Wait.” Your entire body freezes in the doorway with Jisoo’s words. “Don’t I get a say in any of this? Or are you just going to walk out and pretend I don’t feel the exact same way about you?” Her own body suddenly presses against your back as she wraps her arms around your torso holding you in place. “You’re right. I shouldn’t forgive you, nor should I have to take care of you in a state like this. Yet, here I am, willing to listen to you tell me you love me, willing to let you explain yourself and after all of it is said and done, I can’t think of anything else more I would rather do than look after you and let all of this go.”

None of her words make sense to you, she’s speaking very clearly and close enough for you to hear it perfectly and yet you can’t comprehend what any of it means.

“I’m not saying that all of this is fixed nor do I know if it ever will be, but I’m willing to try and put the pieces back together if you are. I love you y/n. Despite everything, I still love you.”

[sareyen]

A Machine Without Feelings: A Jane Eyre AU (Part 10/11)

Read on ao3

Chapter 10

Charles kissed Jean and Ororo’s cheeks in that sequence, the women both squeezing his hands for good luck. Jean murmured that they would be waiting here for good news – because, they refused to believe that things would go badly. Charles was grateful for their positivity in a time when his stomach was tying itself up in knots.

Charles left Jean and Ororo at their hotel in the town just outside of Ironfield, the same town that Charles had been walking to when he met Erik for the first time.

It was now almost a year later that Charles has returned, and the day was bright and sunny, unlike the day he ran away. Many things had changed in that time; Charles was older and wearier, even if he did not look it. His soul, a soul that was as much Erik’s as it was his, was tired and withered. The string tied beneath his left ribs tugged painfully, but as the carriage had neared, he could feel it knotting itself back together.

People that loved each other would only part if one of them wished it. Charles had always been the one who, naively, thought that Heathcliff’s words had been beautiful. It was funny how he was the one to have caused the pain those words warned him about.

Charles had heard nothing from Erik, not that he had tried to contact him recently. Part of Charles held a fear that Erik had moved on. Unlike Charles, Erik had been in relationships with women before, and many more than one. What if Charles was just another one? One of his mistresses that he fleetingly loved because he abhorred his mad wife?

But Charles couldn’t bring himself to believe that, not when he knew Erik. Erik had withheld things from Charles, yes, but the parts of himself that he did let Charles see, they were real. Erik had shown Charles that he loved him, even when he hadn’t told him everything. While Charles still loved Erik, he was sure that Erik still loved him.

‘He’s still calling my name, I can hear it,’ Charles thought to himself, heart hammering as he hobbled out of the hotel with the aid of the walking stick Logan had made for him on his nineteenth birthday.   

The dirt roads leading up to Ironfield were impossible to traverse on his wheelchair, and Charles was resolved to get there on his own. Charles limped his way to hail a carriage from the front of the hotel, which soon dropped him off at the closest stop along the road to Ironfield. Charles paid them, before beginning the trek up to the grand house.

Charles had always enjoyed this walk, and remembered how he felt when he and Erik would walk it together in the light of dusk. Erik would sometimes tug him behind a stocky tree and press him up against its trunk, sealing Charles’s red lips with his own and kissing him until he couldn’t breathe.

Now, the walk was laborious, a little sweat building on Charles’s brow as he hobbled down the familiar road.

It was when he drew close enough to break through the veil of overlying trees that Charles stopped dead in his tracks, walking stick clattering to the ground.

Ironfield Hall, his home, was a ruin.

What had used to be battlements that stood tall and proud against the horizon were charred black and crumbled, revealing burnt exposed rafters that splintered into jagged pieces. Ironfield no longer had a roof, its walls now mere slabs of broken stone on the ground.

It looked like fire had razed Ironfield to the ground, and Charles suddenly couldn’t breathe.

Charles fumbled to pick up his discarded walking stick before hopping and dragging his maimed leg forwards and forwards, numb to the pain as he stared with wide eyes at the remains of the once-grand mansion.

Crows squawked around the caved-in roof, Charles pushing his way through the non-existent door, which had been reduced to black coal.

The inside was as bad as the exterior, if not worse. It looked like no furniture had been spared from the inferno, the wooden banisters of the staircase mere twigs on the ground. Charles wobbled forwards, heart growing more and more frantic as he realised that the estate, the estate where he had fallen in love and had his heart filled and broken, was a wasteland.

“Oh, God,” Charles choked out, falling into Erik’s downstairs study. It had also been touched by the fire, and was devoid of its books and souvenirs from abroad, his desk black and empty. It seemed like, apart from the fire, looters had ravaged the place bare.

‘Where is Erik? Moira? Alex? Where is everyone? What happened? Oh God, I’m toolatetoolatetoolate.’

“Who goes there?!” a sharp voice called out, Charles whirling around at the sound of the voice. Footsteps rushed forwards, before bursting into the study. The man who tore through the room skidded to a stop when he saw Charles, stumbling back with a double take that would have been comical in any other situation.

“Charles?!” Scott yelled, rubbing his eyes like he had seen a ghost. It was indeed Scott Summers, looking different but the same. While before he had always worn a coachman’s garb, he now donned a fine suit and spectacles. His hair was neatly styled, longer than it used to be – he no longer looked like a young coachman, but a wealthy lord. Like someone who finally married a wealthy woman like Emma Frost.

Charles was speechless and in shock, Scott recovering first and rushing towards him.

“Charles, is that really you?” Scott asked frantically, pulling at Charles’s cheeks, like he expected his hands to go right through him. When Charles yelped at the pain of having his cheeks pulled so harshly, Scott jumped, apologising profusely. “Charles, what are you- Why are you here? When did you return? We thought we would never see you again, we thought you had perished, we didn’t know…”

“Scott, what happened here?” Charles asked, hand holding his walking stick shaking desperately. “Scott, where is Erik? Is he… He can’t be…”

Charles’s mind reeled back to the night he had saved Erik from being consumed by flames in his bed. Erik had left that incident unscathed, healthy, safe and whole, but this time… If this time Erik had died in a fire, when Charles had left him…

Charles felt sick, and swayed on his feet.

Scott saw him begin to topple over, quickly rushing and catching the former tutor, snagging his arm before he fell to the ground.

“Charles! What happened… oh, your leg,” Scott said, noticing the walking stick and the way Charles didn’t put any weight on his left leg. “Never mind. Here, let’s go to another room. The drawing room is one of the only rooms that is still functional. Let’s sit there, and I will explain what happened.”

Charles weakly nodded, letting Scott help him down familiar yet broken halls to the drawing room he and Erik had shared many chess games together. When Scott led him through the doors, he could hear the clink of their glasses, the scrape of wood against wood as someone moved a chess piece, an occasional laugh, an impassioned voice as they argued, the soft press of Erik’s lips against his.

Scott lowered Charles into his old seat, which appeared to have remained in the same spot beside the chess set. There was no chess set in sight, though – it had been taken by looters some time ago as well.

Scott was about to take the seat opposite Charles – Erik’s seat – but he must have seen the pain cross Charles’s face, and stopped part way. Scott coughed, standing up to lean against a shelf instead.

“Where do you want me to start?” Scott asked, Charles licking his lips. He wanted to know if Erik was alive, but he was afraid to ask the question. If he asked, and Scott said that he had died…

“The beginning. From when I left,” Charles said, voice shaking. Scott nodded, rubbing his face and taking in a deep breath.

“We found out that you had left when we heard Erik scream out your name. He had gone to your rooms at around ten that morning, wanting to talk to you again, to try and explain himself. He had knocked on your door for a long time, until he felt like something was truly wrong, and that you weren’t just ignoring him. He burst down the door, and that was it. You were gone. He had screamed out name over and over, we could hear it from the other side of the mansion.”

‘He had been calling for me, and I had heard him.’

“Erik… Erik was beside himself, of course,” Scott said, Charles growing pale. “He ordered us to look for you, and took off on his horse himself – but by then, you were long gone. He locked himself in your chambers then, for two weeks straight. Moira had to bring him all his meals, and even then, he seemed to have no appetite. He began to eat more when we all… well, at that point, we weren’t afraid of losing our jobs anymore.”

“He recovered physically after that, and on the outside, he was the same Mr Lehnsherr. Maybe more bitter and snappy, but his mood had always been changeable. Inside… inside he wasn’t the same. We all know why you left, Charles. The master did, too. Before you ask, no, he never blamed you for leaving. He knew he had done you wrong, and he believed that he was paying for his mistake. He never stopped loving you or waiting for you, though. Moira caught him praying, every night – and you know that the master was no Christian.”

‘He never stopped loving you,’ Charles repeated, stomach twisting. Why does that make it sound like he…

“It was about a month after that. His wife… Creed’s sister, she escaped one night and took a candle from a sleeping Anna-Marie. She set fire to all the curtains, to the beds, to everything. She burnt Ironfield Hall down, Charles, but before it was completely destroyed she climbed onto the tallest battlement and threw herself off it.”

Charles gasped, somehow able to picture it clearly. The ghost – Clara Creed – with her long blonde hair and white night dress, bare footed and wild. He could see her leap through the air, thinking that she was a dove, and falling until she hit the hard stone below. She would have died instantly.

Scott paused, letting Charles stomach the news, only continuing when Charles nodded slowly.

“Moira and the other girls escaped in time, but…” Scott’s voice grew thick then, and Charles knew what was about to come. “Peter was trapped in his room, terrified. Alex and the master looked for him, and the master found him and got him out. But Alex… Alex became trapped when the rafters collapsed. He… my brother. He passed that night,” Scott coughed, overcome with emotion. “We held the funeral for him the week after.”

“I’m so sorry, Scott,” Charles said, voice shaking as he closed his eyes. Apart from Moira, Alex was the person Charles was closest with amongst the staff. Alex, the first person he had met when he arrived at Ironfield Hall. Alex, who had smiled at him and made him feel welcome, who had told him that ‘so you love a man? What is so wrong with that? Someone people never love at all in their life, and is that not worse?’

“Thank you. It was six months ago now, Charles,” Scott said, trying to give Charles a reassuring, thankful smile. “We have begun to heal. Alex… Alex considered you a close friend. Everyone did. After you left, we all missed you, and talked about you often. We all prayed for you to be safe, but we never knew where you had gone, even when Erik had hired investigators. It was like Charles Xavier had vanished off the face of the Earth. Where did you go, Charles?”

“Past the Moors, to a small parish there. I… I was taken in by the inhabitants at Eden House,” Charles said softly. “Two of them came here with me today.”

“We’d all be glad to know that you weren’t alone,” Scott said, stepping forward now to gently place his hand on Charles’s shoulder.

Charles had to ask the question now, unable to take it any longer.

“Scott, is he alive?” Charles asked, the man blinking.

“He? Oh. The master. Yes, Charles. Yes, he’s alive. I should have told you that from the start, I’m sorry,” Scott said quickly, Charles releasing a breath he did not know he had been holding, letting out a choked laugh.

“Oh, thank God,” Charles shook, folding over on himself, dropping his head into his hands and wiping his wet eyes before turning to Scott again. “Where is he then, Scott? I came back for him. I… I heard him calling for me.”

“When Ironfield burned down, we could no longer live here. He relocated to his second, smaller residence a little further into the country. It is called Genosha Manor,” Scott explained, and Charles’s legs, even maimed as one was, itched to run there immediately.

“It is small, and didn’t need many people to maintain it. Only Moira and Lorna went with him and Peter. Moira has written to me recently, though, and it appears that the master has sent Peter to school. Now, only Moira is there to tend to him. Angel found a new situation, and Anna-Marie… Anna felt guilty about not being able to stop Clara, and couldn’t bear to work for the master any more. She found new work a few shires over, for a family that lives at a place called Westchester.”

Scott jumped when Charles let out a shocked, incredulous laugh. Coincidence, or fate?

“How far is it to Genosha?” Charles asked, Scott beginning to smile now.

“Only a few hours by carriage. If you leave now, you can get there in the afternoon,” Scott said, Charles nodding, gripping his walking stick tightly with newfound determination.

“Thank you, Scott. For everything,” Charles said, Scott nodding and helping Charles to stand.

“I have to tell you though, Charles. The master, he is not the same man. When he went to save Peter from the fire, he did not come out unscathed,” Scott said, and Charles just shook his head, patting Scott’s arm.

“Neither am I. Neither of us are the same, now – and maybe, that’s why we will be fine this time.”

***

Scott did not accompany Charles to Genosha, since he had to return to his and Emma’s own home. Emma was currently with child, and Charles did not want to take him away from her side during such a critical time. He had only been at Ironfield to try and salvage what the looters missed, but found that he was too late. Scott had been too kind, still offering to escort Charles to Genosha when he saw how poorly his leg was. Scott only gave in when he met Jean and Ororo when he dropped Charles off at the hotel. Charles doubted that Scott would have left him in anyone else’s hands.

Charles told Jean and Ororo about what had happened, and they had held Charles’s hands the entire coach ride. When they arrived at Genosha Manor, within the boundaries of the afternoon as Scott had said, Charles was suddenly frozen in fear as he took in the unfamiliar building.

It was no Ironfield Hall, and was a simpler country house, though Charles knew that it would have costed a hefty price because of the sprawling lands that came with it. The manor itself, however, was small compared to the extravagant Ironfield.

The manor was made of a warm-toned stone, in contrast to the dark greys of Ironfield. Rustic glass windows spanned the walls covered with climbing ivy. The manor was not imposing compared to Ironfield, and in fact looked inviting and warm from the orange glow the early sunset was beginning to cast upon it.

Charles breathed in and out with every step Jean took as she wheeled him across the gravel walk way to the manor.

Ororo knocked on the door, before stepping to stand beside Charles, clutching his hand.

Charles’s breath quickened when he heard footsteps reach the door, the sound of a lock unlatching loud in Charles’s ears. The door soon swung open inwardly, revealing Moira, who was dressed in a dark black dress. Her hands froze mid-motion, the door only half open as she stared at Charles, like he was a phantom.

“Hello, Moira,” Charles said, Moira’s eyes immediately filling with tears as she opened the door fully, cupping Charles’s face with her hands and letting out a sob.

Moira opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by an achingly familiar, cold and brusque voice.

“MacTaggert! Send whoever they are away! I don’t want to be disturbed!”

“Erik,” Charles whispered, Moira letting out a quiet laugh, wiping her eyes.

“Charles, you’ve come back,” Moira said, taking all of him in. “I knew you were alive. Others thought that you maybe… But no, no. That doesn’t matter anymore. You’re here now.”

“Yes,” Charles said, Moira looking away from him then, finally noticing that he was not alone. “Moira, these are two of the people that cared for me while I was away. They are like sisters to me. This is Ororo, and behind me is Jean. And this is Mrs Moira MacTaggert, my dearest friend.”

Moira beamed, eyes a little wet again, and she smoothly curtseyed at Ororo and Jean.

“Charles’s family is considered my family,” Moira said, smiling at them warmly. “Come in. Charles, as you probably heard, Mr Lehnsherr is…”

“In one of his moods, like always?” Charles supplied, Moira letting out a laugh, a wondrous sound, like she still couldn’t quite believe what was happening.

“Yes, exactly. And I suspect, like always, you have a remedy to temper such a mood?” Moira said, eyes twinkling.

Charles nodded, mouth curving upwards.

“Of course, Moira. Now, where is Erik?”

***

Erik sat outside beneath a shaded tree with Magneto lying at his feet. He couldn’t see what the tree looked like, and didn’t know whether its leaves were whole and green or yellow and sparse. He could hear the wind run its threads through its branches, though, and the rustling was loud.

Whole and green then, he pictured in his mind’s eye.

It had been months since Charles had left; almost a year, now. Erik didn’t know exactly how long it had been, because the loss was still as raw as it was that first day. Erik could still feel the gaping hole in his chest when he had kicked down Charles’s locked door and seen the wide-open window and billowing curtains. The room had been so cold and so empty, so devoid of everything that was bright.

It was also hard to count the days when every day was cast in darkness. After his wife had burnt down Ironfield, Erik had gone blind. He no longer witnessed sunrises and sunsets, and simply spent his days sitting in the library or outside under this tree that he had never seen before.

Erik did not know why he spent so much time in a library full of books he could not see. Maybe it was because the room smelled like Charles, like ink and parchment, or books and dreams. Sometimes when he closed his eyes, his vision not changing at all, he could imagine that Charles was sitting next to him.

But Charles was not. If Charles was here, he would have let Erik rest his head on his thighs, gently brushing a hand across Erik’s eyelids, comforting his broken eyes. If he were here, he would clear his throat gently and read Erik passages from Brontë, or poems by Donne. He would read about Heathcliff, and Erik would have made a sarcastic comment about it. About how Heathcliff pined, and how Catherine left him.

Erik had never liked Heathcliff, but he could maybe understand him a bit more now.

Charles felt the breeze change, growing chilly. It would be around now that Moira would come to fetch him for supper, even though he was not hungry. She would offer him her arm, to guide him through thicket and the shrubbery, and he would snap at her for belittling him. She wouldn’t say anything, but would make sure her footsteps were loud enough so Erik could follow.

So, Erik sat there beneath a tree that he could not see, waiting for a person that he wished was someone else.

***

Charles saw Erik from afar, and his breath caught in his throat. Scott and Moira had told him – warned him – that he was not the same man that Charles remembered. That he was blind and hurting, much like Charles was.

But, when Charles saw him, he did not see a broken man. No, Erik was still beautiful to him, in every way. His hair was overgrown, falling over his eyes that could not see any way, and his beard was thick and messy. He did not bother wearing a neck tie these days, frustrated that it was difficult to tie without eyes, and he apparently always wore the same brown pants and the same white shirt. What did it matter, now that he couldn’t see it? What did it matter, when Moira was the only person to ever see Mr Lehnsherr, the fallen former master of Ironfield Hall?

Erik may have looked different, but the way he made Charles’s heart quicken and squeeze was very much the same. Charles still loved him, that had not changed.

Jean wheeled him as close as she could take the wheelchair, the contraption unable to weave between the bushes and thicket. Charles thanked her softly, and she gave Charles a smile, before retreating with his chair back into the manor with Moira and Ororo.

Charles gripped his walking stick, and began stumbling back to the man that he still loved, even when they were worlds apart. Even when the string between their left ribs was stretched, making their hearts bleed, it had not snapped.

No, it was still there, drawing the two closer and closer together, until Charles was standing before him.

Magneto smelled Charles before he saw him, and immediately recognised the man. Magneto rose to his feet immediately, letting out a happy bark, racing over. Charles smiled quietly, bending down to rub the dog’s head, the creature barking again.

Erik’s head snapped towards the noise, hearing his companion bark and the snapping of twigs under a human’s feet.

“Magneto, down. It’s just Moira, Christ,” Erik snapped, his dog’s barking too loud. Magneto listened to his master, but licked Charles’s hand once more, trotting with glee back to Erik’s side, sitting there with his tail wagging while looking at Charles.

Charles smiled a little at Erik’s snappish tone, glad that the man had not lost all of his fire and passion. Charles just hoped that, somewhere buried under all of that pain and hurt, there was still a man that could smile in that singular way of his that showed too many teeth.

Charles grew closer, and Erik’s unseeing pale eyes looked in his general direction. While his eyesight was no longer with him, his other senses had heightened. He heard the crunching of twigs and fallen leaves, but the steps were too heavy, the rhythm unlike Moira whom he heard every day. There was no swish of a skirt against the ground, and Erik tensed his muscles at the intruder.

“Who’s there?” Erik asked, Charles’s heart fluttering. When he didn’t answer, Erik’s eyes narrowed, the man shifting where he sat. ��Who is that?”

Charles sucked in a breath, taking in the man in front of him, before finally speaking.

“Magneto knows me, Sir.”

Erik’s hand immediately flew out and grabbed at the phantom-like being, unseeing eyes widening. Erik’s hand slapped Charles’s wrist, making the man laugh a little, before reaching out to meet Erik’s touch half-way. Erik’s hands sought Charles’s, wrapping around his palm and his digits, running his fingers through them with an unmistakeable tremor.

“I know this hand,” Erik breathed out, pulling at Charles’s hand until it was close enough for him to press his mouth against, breath shuddering against Charles’s skin.

“I would hope so, Herr Lehnsherr.”

Erik let out a choked noise, kissing the hand in his before dropping his forehead to it, breathing heavily.

“Charles,” Erik whispered, the owner of the name letting out a sob-like laugh, falling to his knees, his legs unable to keep him upright any longer. Charles let his walking stick fall to the floor, using his free hand now to cup Erik’s cheek, feeling the unfamiliar beard beneath his fingers. Erik’s cheeks were wet.

“I am come back to you, Erik,” Charles murmured, craning his neck upwards to press his mouth against Erik’s. The kiss was not perfect, not in the slightest; Erik’s lips were shaking, and Charles couldn’t breathe. But, it was a kiss that was real, as real as it could be.

“Are you really here, Charles?” Erik demanded to know, letting go of Charles’s hand to grip his face, thumb smoothing over the familiar slope of his cheeks, nose, lips. These were Charles’s features, real and warm under his fingers. “I’ve imagined you like this so many times, but…”

“I am here, Erik. I’ve come back to you,” Charles assured him, kissing him again, and Erik finally kissed him back after loosing a wrecked sob.

“I thought I lost you,” Erik choked against his Charles’s mouth, Charles letting out a noise from the back of his throat. Charles shook his head, their noses bumping.

“Never, Erik,” Charles said, pressing his forehead against Erik’s. “I heard you calling for me. You never lost me. I’m here, and I’m not going to leave.”

Erik was too overcome with emotion to speak, his body, heart and soul filled to the brim with relief, thankfulness, disbelief, love, passion, everything.

So, Charles just kissed him again and again, before pulling back only a touch, to whisper;

“And don’t forget, my love – you still owe me wages.”

Erik laughed, for the first time in a long time.

And, for the first time in a new forever.

Next chapter (11/11 epilogue) →

[alienoresimagines]

Unchanging force| Dazai Osamu x Female Reader

A/N : This is my first time writing for Bungo Stray Dogs, this anime is sincerely one of my favourite ! Hope you'll enjoy! This imagine is based on a prompt from @creativepromptsforwriting, this blog has really been helpful to help me through a writer block so thank you! Don't hesitate to check this blog, they do awesome prompts!This can be read as a platonic or as a pre-relation thing.

Warnings! : mention of suicide attempts! Amnesia.

Masterlist Taglist Prompts

Posted : 11/11/2019

~

Sky. You didn’t know why, but you always seemed to look at it. Whenever you were walking, you’ll always look above you to watch it. It makes you feel safe. The sky was your only roof. To you, it is beautiful how a single thing can be so important but yet be considered as a banal thing, how just a change of color can change the mood of a whole world, how something can appear as quiet and silent but is hiding a silent storm which can destroy the entire world. But more importantly, it was the only thing in your life that was stable. No matter where you go, the sky is there. When friends, family and happiness aren’t, it is there. The sky is an unchanging force. And today, too, you’re staring at it. But this time, your head isn’t full of questions. No. This time, your mind is blank. As if you were in a coma. It felt like if you were floating above your broken body. Your head hurts. That’s the next thing you realize. Then, you understand that it is all your body that hurts. And that you’re soaked too. You can feel your clothes sticking to your bruised skin. Where did these bruises come from? The reality made its way in your mind but you felt nothing except tiredness and numbness. You didn’t know what happened. In fact, you didn’t remember anything. A voice has pierced the barrier around your confused brain.

“Miss? You could thank me, you know! You obstructed my suicide attempt! Because of you, I’d have to….” If you could, you would probably have frowned. The rest of the sound gets swallowed by the silence that was quickly followed by the complete black. The last thing you remember from this moment is the orange of the sky. It seemed as if it was on fire. You achieved to raise a corner of your lips. An unchanging force.

“Miss?”

~

That was 4 months ago. You woke up at the hospital with the strange man, you assumed, has saved you. It turned out you were amnesiac and the only thing you could remember was [Y/N] [L/N]. Your name. Everything but this were black. The medics have said that you’ve probably been hitting by a car and fell in the river where you “met” Dazai Osamu. That odd man was… well rather handsome, and for an unknown reason always wear a lot of bandages. Oh, and he has a weird obsession for suicide. It turned out that he had found you as he tried a new way to die in the river and that you prevented him from doing what he wanted because he could not let such a beautiful woman die so young. Well, that’s what he told you. But the fact remains that, in the time you were in this white room, he came to see you every day and told you about his day and about a certain Kunikida but you weren’t sure of the name, you managed to be friend with him. At least that’s what you’d like to think. You soon understand that Dazai has a rather… complicated idea of friendship. Behind his friendly and teasing behavior, it is actually really hard to know what he thinks about. But you’re sure of one thing. There is darkness in his eyes. No matter how much his eyes seem to shine, somehow, they just look dead. Though, you like to imagine that, when he is with you, his smile is sincere.

You sigh deeply as you look away from the window. You glare at the clock on the wall. It has only been 15 minutes since the last time you glanced at it. If you weren’t already hating white, you certainly were by now. Everything, everything was white. From the ground to the ceiling, from the bed to the flowerpot. You try to reassure yourself. “Come on, [Y/N]. It’ll be over soon. Dazai-san is on his way to pick you up and then you’ll be on your own again.” You sigh again as you lean back your head on your pillow.

~

“[Y/N]-chan!” You open your eyes as you frown slightly. You must have fallen asleep. You turned your head towards the owner of the voice only to see Dazai beside your bed with a fill of paper and a pen.

“Dazai-san ?” You sit on your bed, taking a look at the wall clock. You’ve been asleep for 30 minutes. You look back at the man to your left.

“[Y/N]-chan, they’ll let me take you home, but I have to complete this file…” he pouts slightly as he waves the papers in his hands under your nose as if it were the plague. You open your mouth to talk when he speaks again. “But I don’t know your birthdate so I can’t complete it…” As soon as those words crossed the barrier of his lips, you looked down at your hands, remaining on your lap. You frown, trying to remember your birthdate. You tried, you really did, but the only thing you got was a migraine. You sigh angrily as you furiously clench your fists. The only thing that came to your mind was your name but nothing else. I am [Y/N] [L/N], and I am born the… Nothing. The void. You let out a frustrated groan.

“I’m sorry, Dazai-san, but I can’t remember…” you said quietly, as if you were ashamed. If Dazai notices, he says nothing about it. You close your eyes, trying to pretend that you didn’t feel the burning behind your eyes. When you feel air blowing slightly on your face, you open your eyes. Dazai had put the papers on your lap and the pen. You look at him with confusion written all over your face. He just shrugs.

“There’s no point in forcing you to remember if you can’t. I guess you can choose the date you want.” You look at him with wide eyes. You looked down on the sheets of paper on your lap. You take the pen with trembling hands before you close your eyes. You don’t know why, but you felt like a critical moment in your life was happening. You’ve been thinking about all the days you’ve had since you woke up from your accident until now. You needed to pick an important date. After all, not everyone could choose their birthday! Suddenly, a particular day seemed to stand out in your mind. You smile. Yes, that date would be perfect. You pressed the tip of the pen on the dotted lines before marking with your finest handwriting 4th April. You wonder for a moment if you should also specify the year before deciding otherwise. They could handle it, you were an adult, that should be enough. You gave The Papers back to Dazai with a smile. When he read what you had written, he raised his eyebrows with a surprised look. You felt yourself blush under his gaze.

“Why this date?” At this point, you didn’t know if he knew what had happened that day. You’re sure your cheeks are tomato-colored by now. You scratch the back of your neck in an attempt to hide your discomfort.

“Um, well, it’s just … ya know … That day, you… you spent the day with me… And… Um… I had a good time and… this date reminds me of you… that’s it…” You don’t know if it were possible to die of embarrassment, but you were sure you would soon find out. There was a silence between the two of you that seemed to last for years. If you had looked up, you would have seen the expression of shock and surprise that had taken place on his handsome features before it was replaced by his usual teasing one.

“You know, [Y/N], if you wanted something from me, you could have said it without bothering yourself in so many ways.” He says with a wink. You blush even more if that was possible. You threw a pillow at him hoping it would shut him up.

“Oh, beautiful lady, would you commit suicide with me?”

“Shut up please, Dazai-san!” You laugh, a warmth in your chest. However, you couldn’t help but notice that there was something new in his brown eyes. You couldn’t quite say what it was, but it was there and you found it beautiful. It almost felt like it gave some light into his eyes.

~

You didn’t know why you were so interested in this man. It was quite the opposite of the unchanging force you admired so much. Dazai could sink through your fingers so easily that it was frightening. It was possible to ask whether he felt any emotion. But there was something about how he diverted the discussion as soon as it got a little too close to the personal domain, the way he hid behind constant sarcasm and stupid acts. About his suicide attempts, bandages, collar, and falsely carefree behavior. You were intrigued by all this. You wanted to know the real Dazai even if everything was not beautiful. And, little by little, you’d be able to make him lose those habits, at least around you. Four months ago, he saved your life. Now it was your turn.

[ngame989]

“Glow” - TGG SVTFOE Fanfic Collection Ch. 5

Writing: @ngame989

Art: @toxicpsychox

Editing: @toxicpsychox, @seddm, @dinodinodude​, an invaluable IRL friend

Summary: A new sort of feeling arises in Star and Marco's relationship, leaving them uncertain how to handle it. But with the advice of their loved ones and their unbounded emotional honesty with each other, they might just discover for themselves how to bask in its glow.

Comic Page

This one’s a bit different, y’all. It deals with sexual themes and has two separate versions, the full story on AO3 being non-explicit/tasteful M and the edited Tumblr version being a heavy T. This is the only fic for TGG that I plan on crossing the T/PG13 threshold with, but my goal for this series was to catalog the journey of Star and Marco after the show ended and I stand by my decision to include this as a part of it. Please read the content warning and enjoy whatever version you are most comfortable with, if either.

Also, as a fun aside, you may recall the first scene of this from the teaser I posted here months ago, so the snippet of Starco fanfiction I wrote in the presence of Daron Nefcy is now officially part of the work!

Masterpost

See below for the text and an important content warning, hope you enjoy!

IMPORTANT CONTENT WARNING AND AUTHOR’S NOTE: This chapter deals with sexual themes and my telling of a >16 year old Star and Marco’s first time. The text below is a modified version of the complete fic, posted exclusively on AO3 (linked below). I want The Greatest Gift as a whole to be accessible to a PG13 audience, and as such the Tumblr and FFnet versions have been altered to fit that, but I would HIGHLY advise you read the full version on AO3 for the intended narrative experience. It contains a non-vulgar and tasteful but still direct depiction of sexual intimacy that I feel is non-expendable to the emotional narrative, but I fully understand if any readers are not comfortable with it and hope you enjoy the version below.

FULL VERSION (AO3)

***

Star Butterfly was sure of only a few things in life: cake is the best kind of breakfast, wood deserves to be destroyed at every opportunity, she loved Marco, Marco loved her - just some basic truths she could always rely on. Certainty was a lofty bar, but if she died right now and went straight to heaven, she was almost certain she’d recreate magic with her bare hands just to portal back to Earthni as quickly as possible. Star wasn’t sure why, really; it was nowhere near her first kiss, still far from her first kiss with Marco, and it wasn’t even their first time getting a bit… heated. Of course she always enjoyed it, but why did everything feel amplified tenfold?

Her train of thought was delightfully derailed when Marco broke their nth kiss of the evening – she’d lost count of how many quite a while ago. She pushed herself back up on her elbows and knees and gazed lovingly at her boyfriend beneath her on the bed, his soothing chocolate eyes and visibly flushed cheeks standing out against the baby blue of his pajamas and bed sheets. So cute, her mind purred. His hands lingered on her cheeks for a few more seconds before they reached up to try and corral a few stray blonde hairs that draped down near his face. His brow furrowed as he struggled to tame her mane; it could have killed the mood after the first few failed attempts, but tonight Star found herself with a slowly spreading dopey smile on her face watching Marco struggle to neaten her up. “Hey,” she giggled after a long few moments, leaning down to kiss him on the nose.

Another large strand of hair draped onto him; his visage took on a determined look as he puffed some air to move it. “Hi”, he responded, satisfied with his efforts and finally returning her grin. They stayed like this, just basking in their goofy intimacy in the starlight twinkling through the window. Those feelings were still slowly smoldering inside, but they instantly ignited when Marco wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down on top of him, resuming their kissing with renewed ardency. Her eyes shut as she tried to just tune out the world and experience nothing but Marco. The lingering scent of shampoo or soap, some variant of cinnamon, was something she’d no doubt smelled countless times before, but in the moment it was intoxicating. Instinct took over, and Star’s instincts in this field all tended to lead to one particular place. One hand, then another, slipped their way under his pajama shirt, tracing the area where another Marco in another time might be buff beyond belief, but the last year had still done him quite a bit of good in that department. A tingling sensation, one that she wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with, pricked her skin all over when one of Marco’s hands moved upward to tangle itself in her hair and bring them ever closer, trying to feel as much of his presence as she could. Light began to seep in through her eyelids, which was odd considering the sun had gone down and all the lights were off. She opened her eyes, still maintaining the kiss, and moved a hand up to the back of Marco’s head to inspect the situation while idly twirling a lock of his hair.

Upon seeing a two brilliantly glowing moons on his cheeks, she started suddenly enough that her forehead collided with Marco’s. “Ow, Star, ow, what the-”

“Marco… your cheeks…”

His eyes opened after he finished rubbing the pain in his forehead out, finally noticing the brilliant light. “That hasn’t happened since right after Cleaving. Weeeeird. Wait, why aren’t yours glowing?”

“They aren’t?” Star’s nose scrunched up in thought; rationally, she knew that there wasn’t necessarily any reason to expect it, but usually everything between them happened in sync. “You’re right, it’s weeeeird.”

Marco propped himself on his elbows and shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno. Could be something dumb, that happens a lot with magic. Maybe it’s just because I drank too much soda earlier,” he jested.

“I finished off all the Mountain Mew days ago, and mine didn’t light up then,” Star retorted, but her eyes went wide before she’d even finished saying it. Oh no, Star, you really screwed up now...

“Explains why you were so jittery,” he sniggered, shifting to lie down once more. He was halfway down on the bed before he sprang back up, pivoting directly towards Star and staring at her incredulously. “Wait, all of it? Even the limited edition Caja Clash?” She merely responded with a guilty lopsided smile, eyes downcast. “Staaaaaar... That was Quest Buy-exclusive, and that was like a year’s supply…” he groaned and slumped back into the pillows.

“It’s just so delicious, Marco! Ugh, it was dumb, I’m sorry, I always tell myself ‘just one more’ but then-”

“Star,” he said firmly to cut off her imminent rambling. After a long moment, during which Star finally managed to still herself, he warily smiled. “Don’t beat yourself up over it, I’m sure we can find more somewhere. Maybe Tom has connections or something. Besides, I still have at least a few hidden in case something like this happened, so we can just-”

“Well, about that…”

“Decoy backup stash,” Marco stated flatly. “Good thing Janna hates the stuff, though, or else there’d be no hope for any of it.” Star snickered, relieved that she hadn’t screwed everything up. He shuffled under the covers and gave her an expectant look, at which she crawled in beside him. Deep down she bemoaned the fact that something just always seemed to get in the way lately, but she cherished all these moments nonetheless. They shared one last quick kiss before she turned around and wiggled herself into his arms for their usual night-time cuddles.

“G’night, Star, love you.”

“Love you too,” she sighed out, but something still didn’t add up. It had to be the soda, right? It still nagged at her a little bit, but it was more comfortable believing that the unexpected tonight was all some dumb delicious soda’s fault. Maybe it wasn’t certain, but it was easy, and giving in to that idea calmed her until sleep finally took hold.

***

Forward, forward. Thrust forward. Steady on your feet. Star pressed the attack with a flurry of slashes, keeping her momentum driven towards her opponent relentlessly. He took it in stride, deflecting each blow and hopping backwards in lockstep with her, spinning and ducking and dodging, seemingly immune to being thrown off balance. A forceful parry turned her most powerful strike against her, sending her reeling backwards.

You can do this. Her eyes darted around momentarily in an attempt to regain her bearings. Steel from Marco’s blade sparkled in the fading Earthni sunlight, distracting from the far more ornate guard covering his hands entirely from this angle - dark blue with a heart and crescent moon on opposite sides of the weapon - it was only fitting he’d decided to nickname it “Cleaver” when she gave him the custom-crafted falchion for his birthday months ago. He was wearing an outfit similar to his riding gear, a ripped jacket on top of his grey t-shirt to protect from the chill of the evening weather. Star couldn’t help but notice that it was hugging him a bit more closely than when they’d started these sparring sessions in recent months, probably from a combination of his growing height and the light muscle definition making itself visible through the fabric. The calm of their recent lives was wonderful, but this was a welcome dose of action and adventure, and she wasn’t exactly opposed to getting to seeing Marco in the heat of battle more often.

Focus. Their eyes finally met, his smoldering with enough confidence to outmatch the fire in her own. Star and Marco stared at each other for a few moments, breathing heavily. Finally, Marco slowly advanced, measuring his strikes carefully to be counterable but still successful, shoving her backwards without ever completely finishing the job.

He’s good, but you’re Star Butterfly. She huffed each time metal clanged on metal, trying her best to mirror Marco’s cool responses to oncoming attacks but getting more and more frustrated and unsteady with each blow. Finally her patience snapped as she dashed towards him with a strangled scream. His eyes narrowed as he powerfully swung in retaliation and Star’s realized a split-second too late what he was aiming to do. The silver blade struck home near the hilt of her own right when she adjusted her grip for her own strike, knocking it to the ground.

Oh crud.

The two registered what was happening at about the same time, a spark of panic evident in Marco’s expression as Star started to topple to the ground. He tossed his weapon aside gracelessly and dove forward instinctively, wrapping an arm around her before they both hit the grass, rolling until she was lying haphazardly on top of him.

“Soooooo… draw?” Star suggested playfully after she’d regained her breath.

Marco chuckled, stretching out his limbs on the ground rather than wasting any energy trying to get up. “Fine. It was a close one.”

She rolled over and debated pushing herself up on her hands to face him, but instead opted to flop down into his chest since her arms felt like pudding. His heart pumped forcefully enough to make the vibration felt on her cheek. “Yeah, but I haven’t won yet. Still getting used to fighting without any magic.”

“You’ll get there, Star.”

“I know. I do have the best teacher, after all,” she crooned, waggling her finger lazily in the air before booping him on the nose and scooting upwards to nuzzle into his neck. Another few minutes of rest went by until Star shivered, feeling an especially potent blast of cold air on her skin. “OK, Marco, cuddles are great and all but it’s kinda cold and I’m kinda sweaty.” She stood and helped him up, taking the swords back inside. “Dibs on first shower!” Star shouted when Marco was distracted, bolting upstairs before he could try and stop her. She stepped under the spray, letting the initial burst of cold water hit her to rinse off before settling in under a soothing warm deluge. The only thing that kept her from letting it massage her aching muscles for minutes or hours was the fact that she knew Marco needed a turn just as badly as she did, so she cut it short - by Star standards, anyway - and got dressed before giving Marco the all-clear.

Right as he finished, Angie called upstairs to inform everyone that dinner was ready, and Star followed her downstairs, famished from the afternoon’s high-octane physical activity. Marco joined while his parents were collecting the bowls in the kitchen, his hair still damp and glistening. Star giggled and poked at pieces matted to his face, brushing them aside. Without realizing it, her left hand lingered on his face, thumb idly rubbing circles on his cheek, while her right dropped to his chest and fiddled with the neck of his fresh t-shirt. She had no trouble admitting he was every kind of adorable - he was her boyfriend, after all, and she’d even thought he was cute long before she’d even figured out her feelings for him - but moments like this, where she got to just sit back and drink in every little detail that made her Marco Marco, crystallized it at the forefront of her mind until she could scarcely focus on anything else. His own hands caught and held hers as they just basked in the familiar tranquility of togetherness alone.

...until, that is, Rafael and Angie barged in from the kitchen with the stew he’d made for them tonight, smirking at the sight in front of them. “You two remind me a lot of us at your age, you know,” Angie cooed, setting the side dishes on the table. Earthni had tragically inherited some of Earth’s farming conditions, leading to a desperate shortage of corn in the winter. The frozen stuff was good, but it could just never be the same. The thought distracted Star enough to break the trance she had still been in before, and she finally separated from Marco and turned her full attention to the meal in front of her. “Well, except for all the breaking up and getting back together.”

Marco choked on the first bite he’d taken. “Wait, you two broke up a lot? Whaaa-”

“Long story, hijo,” Rafael cut him off, waving his hand dismissively. “Anyway, I am so glad to see the two of you fighting all the time! It’s wonderful to watch.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh-” Star and Marco stammered out in unison.

“What your father means to say, dear, is that the two of us spied on your little swordfighting session earlier. We even got some pictures! Who would’ve thought our Marco would be like an action movie hero someday?”

“Oh boy,” Marco flatly responded, burying his head in his hands. The rest of the dinner continued on in a silence that felt a bit tense as Angie and Rafael kept giving each other funny looks, as if trying to converse without words, but Star was far too hungry to pay attention to the details while she scarfed down two whole bowls of the old Mewnian stew that Rafael had taken a liking to cooking (albeit with his own flair, which made it far better by Star’s estimation).

Once they were all done, Angie glanced up at her husband inquisitively one final time, and he nodded. She seemed to take that as a cue for something, raising her eyebrows and staring at each of the teens in turn with motherly concern, clasping her hands together on the table. “Star, Marco… we noticed you two have been doing a lot of sparring lately. First, we want to say that we have absolutely no problem with you... sparring. You’re both very mature and responsible people for your age and I trust you can handle yourselves responsibly. But if and when you both decide to get more serious with sparring, make sure you’re properly protected, OK? That’s all we ask.”

“Sure thing, I still have closets full of armor at Eclipsa’s.” Star phrased it almost as a question, not sure what to make of the statement and why they seemed to cautious to talk about it and why she kept pausing on the word “sparring” and why they were still looking at her expectantly oh sweet Mewni you’re such an idiot, Star. She violently coughed, trying desperately not to hack up the meat and vegetables she’d inhaled, upon the realization of the implied meaning of the statement, but Marco seemed unfazed by it as he tried to ease her through the fit. Once they’d all settled down and he made sure Star was feeling OK after her seemingly inexplicable fit, Marco followed Rafael into the kitchen with the first batch of dishes.

Star stood up to follow them in, but Angie held up a hand to block her. “Star, honey… you did get what I was saying, righ-”

“Uh-huh, yep. Totally understood,” she blurted out, desperate not to dig that topic back up. She loved Marco’s parents, but that didn’t make this any easier. Angie’s eyes softened as she patted Star’s arm sympathetically. “Well, I’m not quite sure Marco did. Mind giving us a few minutes with him?”

“Yeah, sure.” She was more than OK with getting out of there as quickly as possible, shuffling upstairs before plopping on their bed and getting out the necessary tools and snack stash for tonight’s planned movie marathon of the new Mackie Hand. Why anyone thought a realistically animated remake of a live action movie was a good idea was beyond her, but it looked so stunningly awful that it was sure to deliver a few good laughs.

But her mind couldn’t put aside the after-dinner conversation for long, even with the warmth brought by the promise of bad movie night laughter, snacks, and cuddles awaiting her, and she unconsciously squirmed with a weird mix of embarrassment and worry despite no one being near. Would he feel the same way she did about this? They were no strangers to physical intimacy, even before they’d sealed the deal with their feelings, and it had certainly been flourishing in recent months. Star was far from shy about expressing physical attraction or affection, but recent events were her first experiences diving below the surface with anyone else. She wanted more of it, more of him. But there was a huge difference between just letting what felt right happen, and talking or even consciously thinking about it, and the latter most definitely wasn’t one of her strong suits.

“Star?” Marco’s voice cracked sheepishly as he peeked into the room. “You still, um, up for the movie?”

“Totally, totally, totally,” she pumped her voice full of enthusiasm to try and forcefully cut through the awkwardness preemptively. “TV’s set up, blanket is cozy, and Sizzlin’ Hot Cornritos are ready for snacking!”

He hopped into bed next to her, high-fiving her. “Tonight’s gonna be perfect.”

It didn’t take long for Star to drift over into his arms, cozying up as was tradition for Thursdates (or most other times, really), but something felt off. Still warm and affectionate, yet not going any further than that as she’d come to expect. Every smile or kiss was still met with one in turn, but his facial features strained slightly, holding back as though she was made of glass. She tried to pawn off her focus onto the movie, but it unfortunately turned out to be bad in the boring-slash-cringey way more than anything, a fact Marco lamented quite vocally at every opportunity, never failing to make Star roll her eyes. He was still her normal Marco in that way, at least.

Once the credits rolled, Star took the mental hype she’d been slowly building for herself during the entire course of the film to conquer her fears and speak up. “Hey Marco? About earlier…”

“Zzzzzzz...”

She suppressed a growl in her throat. It still miffed her that even just trying to talk about going further got stalled out, but she resigned herself to her inability to do anything about it now. In truth, she too was pretty worn out from the long day of training, so after turning off the TV and shoving everything away, she snuggled back under the blanket beside Marco and welcomed a comfy yet frustrated night of rest.

***

Heart, moon. Heart, moon. Heart, moon. The two remaining marshmallows danced in the leftover milk of the cereal bowl after Marco gobbled down a few diamonds and spades. Marco had already wondered whether buying Captain Blanche’s Cleave Crunch was such a great idea when he’d bought it - though some part of him was certainly flattered - but the regret he was feeling over it came from an unexpected place, just a reminder of his current restlessness. He’d felt like an absolute idiot after his mother had to explain what she meant at dinner a few days ago a second time, and he felt even worse that he’d completely avoided the issue with Star after. Maybe he was dense at times, but in hindsight it was obvious Star took the hint the first time, and neither had spoken up about it since. Finally he slurped down the remainder of his midnight snack and wandered back into the corridors of the temple, tired from the long day of dealing with Meteora alone while Star had girls’ night at Janna’s. How was he going to bring it up with Star? Every part of him wanted to talk to her, wanted to tell her how he felt, wanted… wanted more, with her. Too tired to stay awake, too lost in thought to sleep, his wallowing continued as he turned a corner- Bam!

Marco stumbled back after the unexpected collision, picking up the cereal bowl and groaning at the driblets of milk he couldn’t slurp that were now on his hoodie.

“Oh, dear! So sorry, Marco.” Eclipsa, clad in her usual pink pajamas helped steady him on his feet and took the bowl, sending it with Archibald to the kitchen.

“It’s fine, this needed washed anyway. Meteora spit all over it as I was trying to go to put her to sleep. She wasn’t sick or anything, she waited for me to turn my back and crawled out of her crib just to drool on it,” he griped, rubbing his temple.

She put her hand in front of her mouth to laugh, leading Marco out of the entryway and into the much more open dining room. “That’s my little girl. I do hope she wasn’t too much trouble. Deep down I think she’s coming around to you, slowly. Maybe Mariposa is rubbing off on her.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged, rubbing his downcast eyes.

“Is everything alright, dear?”

“Can’t sleep… just got a lot on my mind.”

“Would you like to talk about it? I personally find it’s quite helpful to not go to bed with a stray concern, if at all possible.”

He finally glanced up from his shoes, meeting her sympathetic expression only momentarily before studying some nearby floor tiles. “It… might be kind of awkward.” She merely raised an eyebrow inquisitively. A sigh escaped his lips, knowing he probably didn’t have much of a choice - even if she didn’t press, he wouldn’t forgive himself for keeping this bottled inside even an hour longer. “It’s- well, it’s just- um, you see, the thing is… it’s Star awkward.”

“Ah,” she smirked knowingly. She located two of the finer armchairs from the periphery of the room and placed them opposite each other, beckoning Marco to join her. “I can handle awkward, dear. Do tell.”

“You’re sure?”

“I was a teenager in love myself, once upon a time,” she joked, causing the corner of his mouth to reflexively turn up. “It’s not always easy, and- well, let’s just say my mother wasn’t someone I could have easily gone to for my particular troubles. If being a listening ear can help lessen that burden for you, it would be my honor.”

A warmth spread through his chest at the words, ever grateful for the support. Even to this day, he felt a small pang of guilt that at some point he’d been incredibly distrustful of the woman, though he knew she didn’t hold that against him. In the time leading up to the Blood Moon Curse debacle, she’d been a nurturing shoulder to cry on, so he wasn’t sure why he was being so hesitant - perhaps it was just a thought spiral getting to him. “Things with Star are great, it’s not about that, it’s just- it’s been getting… serious, lately.” He stopped fidgeting with his hands and spared her a glance, noting that her body language was still passive and inviting him to continue. “Um… physically serious, I guess. Kind of. Not- not that, yet.”

“It’s not my place to judge, dear. You’re trying to figure things out for yourself, that’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know.”

He nodded once quickly, mostly to reassure himself and spur himself onward. “It’s just… new to me. All of it.”

“So Star is the first girl you’ve gotten ‘serious’ with, then?”

The blush that had been steadily growing on his cheeks was burning now, but he soldiered on. “Well, yeah, she is, but it’s more than that. There was this one day at school a few years ago that everyone hated where they talked about puberty- um, basically human Mewberty, without any of the weird bug stuff,” he clarified upon seeing her confusion. “And they said that when it happens, you’ll start to have, uh, sexual feelings, but I never really did. It’s not like I didn’t know what those kind of feelings were or anything. But every crush I had, even with Star, wasn’t about that at all. Holding hands or kissing was nice, but I- I never really felt like I wanted anything more, if that makes sense. That was just normal Marco.”

Once more, his eyes darted upwards to meet hers, looking for some direction. Eclipsa had her hands folded on her lap, nodding along with his words. She took a moment, then clasped her hands together. “Mmmh. So what’s different?”

“The past month or two, it’s all caught up to me, I guess. Everything we do, even regular everyday stuff, just feels so much more intense, and I’ve never felt this way before, and then my mom gave me and Star a talk about it and it-it-it’s just so much all at once a-and I don’t want to screw anything up or hurt her-”

Eclipsa sprung out of the chair, closing the distance and pulling Marco into a warm embrace. “Oh, sweetie.” Marco’s attempts to stifle the incoming sob only made it worse, gasping for breath as the tears that had welled up in his eyes cascaded freely. “Shhh, it’s alright. It’s alright. I’m here, dear.” It was as though a dam had burst, letting loose all the tension and self-doubt he’d been pushing out of mind into the comforting shoulder. Even now, after so many wonderful months with the girl he loved more than anything, he still found a way to bury feelings until they bit him on the behind. Good one, Diaz, he sardonically remarked to himself. Once the waterworks dried up, Eclipsa stood back, pulling them both into a standing position. She wiped the last salty tear off his face with a somber yet calming grin. “You’re a kind, compassionate, and adoring young man, and you mean the entire world to Star. I’m afraid I can’t promise there will never be any hurdles, but I’m confident that you two can solve anything. Love is one of the most magical things in the entire universe; the fact that you're here is living proof, after all.”

“Thanks, Eclipsa. This is- it really means a lot. Thanks. And, um, speaking of love and magic… a few weeks ago, my cheekmarks - only mine - glowed one night while Star and I were, um… ‘getting serious’.” He rubbed the back of his neck as she softly chuckled. Somehow this was part of the conversation living up to the promise of awkwardness the most. “It wasn’t, um, the first time I started feeling like this, but it was definitely the first time it was strong enough to just hit me in the face. Literally,” he unintentionally jested.

Her smile widened immensely, bordering on teasing him. “When I was younger, Glossaryck fancied me more than most of his prior students, which led to the rather unfortunate situation of him striking up casual chats to gossip about queens. Plenty of information I had no desire whatsoever to know, and certainly a fair share of stories no living being needs to hear again, but I did learn that cheekmarks react more readily when emotions are both powerful and novel, so it doesn’t surprise me that yours would glow during such a moment. And as for Star’s…” He mentally flinched as she paused, preparing to answer the question even the darkest corner of his mind hadn’t dared ask.

“Everyone’s own relation to magic was a little bit unique, and you two are already a special case nowadays. Just be honest with her, dear. It’s the best way to sort it out, and all knowledge is good knowledge, you know. Even as a former magical queen, I truthfully can’t give you all the answers and figure out why Star’s hearts might not have reacted.” She hugged him one last time, and he was too dumbfounded to reciprocate before she started walking out of the room. As his mind began to process everything she said, her voice rang out once more from right at the entryway. “I am still a wise old woman with a bit of experience in this area myself, though,” she drawled with a wink and a finger tapping her cheek. “And if I knew anything about you two, I’d bet all the chocolate I own that it’s because Star has those same feelings, but they’re nowhere near new.”

***

“Hello? Anyone home?” Weird. Star strolled up and down the hallways and staircases of the Monster Temple, looking for any signs of life. As far as she knew Eclipsa and Globgor were only supposed to be gone yesterday while she was at Janna’s, and Marco hadn’t indicated he’d left yet even though his babysitting duties were presumably over. Kitchen? Nope. Dining room? Nuh-uh. Foyer? Even Archibald didn’t seem to be around. What the heck was going on?

She finally made her way through the winding route to her room, finding it empty as well and falling spreadeagle onto the bed, smacking the octopus on her dress directly into the silky sheets. Girls’ night had been a blast, but it left her restless. Hanging out with Janna and Ponyhead always threatened to deliver stressful experiences, but surprisingly it wasn’t even about that - she’d have welcomed the usual frustrating shenanigans to divert her mind from things. Unfortunately for her, however, the planets had aligned and put girls’ night at a peak among Pony and Seahorse’s rollercoaster of chronic breakups and public spectacles made out of getting back together, and Pony couldn’t wait to tell the world about every moment of their relationship. While Star was pretty sure no living being deserved to be subjected to the details therein, the forwardness in every part of their relationship still reminded her of the subject she’d been avoiding in her own, and had just left her impatient to get back to figuring out how to broach that topic with Marco.

The thud from her hitting the bed had gotten Marco’s attention from his room in a fresh grey t-shirt and dark jeans, hair ever-so-slightly damp. He took off his headphones and put down his laptop, opening the door. “Star? Is that you?”

“Eep!” Marco’s voice kicked her out of her reverie, causing her to launch off the bed and spring upwards, bouncing once on the mattress and falling back onto it facefirst. “M’ok!” she cried, muffled, into the mattress. He strode over to her bed, helping her up and sitting down next to her, giggling at the antics. Last night’s talk with Eclipsa had clarified a lot for him, but Star’s presence still uniquely made him feel at ease. “Not funny,” she pouted, but she broke composure soon enough as the laughter was too infectious to resist.

“How was the sleepover?” Marco asked as he let himself fall backwards onto the pillow. “Sounded like you were busy when you texted me earlier.”

Star shrugged and turned to face him. “Ponyhead is back with Seahorse.”

His eyes widened in terror. “Did she-” she nodded, causing him to shudder. “Oh no. Her last set of stories about that relationship gave me nightmares for a week. Never thought I could actually feel that bad for a soulless seahorse that’s probably a robot.”

She sighed, partly in agreement and partly at the continual reminders of their own situation needling her brain, and lay across his lap. “Despite everything, I think they somehow make each other happy, so good for them I guess? Anyway, we spent most of this afternoon cleaning up eyeball juice from Janna’s house- don’t ask,” she cut in before he could voice his concerns, “and I stopped a few times on the way here to get cleaned up, eat, and all that junk.” The last few words came out hurried as Star tried to shove the full story out of her mind. “Anyway, where is everyone? This whole place was empty when I got here.”

Marco sat up, his eyebrows furrowing in perplexion. “Wait, Eclipsa isn’t here? We picked fresh corn and had dinner, like, an hour ago, right after you texted me. Globgor’s elotes are amazing, by the way. Year-round corn and Mew-Mex cuisine is the best thing on Earthni.”

“Aww, if I’d have known would have just waited to eat. You wanted them all for yourself, didn’t you, mister?” She lightly punched him in the arm with a teasing smile, to which he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Still, I don’t remember her saying they were leaving or anything. Maybe I should call her-”

“Wait, Marco, look,” she pointed to his door, which had swung partially shut on its own, revealing a note posted to it. She stood up and walked over, reading it aloud after he sat back up to focus fully on her. “Dear Star and Marco, Meteora started teething and ate holes through most of her toys and even took a chunk out of her cradle. Globgor suggested taking her to the forest to chew on some stiff bark and get it out of her system. We’re staying with Moon and River tonight, it’s been far too long since we’ve had a good talk. As always, make yourselves at home. Ta-ta!” She walked back over to the bed. “Guess we have the place to ourselves. Aww, look, Marco! She drew a little cereal bowl here. She knows us so well.”

“Yeah. She does.” Marco choked down the lump that was steadily rising in his throat as he got a good look at the note himself. Eclipsa had left them alone, there was an incredibly exaggerated flair on her signature that underlined the word “talk”, and last night hadn’t even been the first cereal-adjacent conversation he’d had with Eclipsa about Star. The hint wouldn’t have been more obvious if the paper balled up into a fist and decked him on the spot. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. You got this, Marco. Legs curled up into himself, brown hair knotted up in his fingers, and breaths became audible. “Star?” he croaked out. “I- I think there’s something we need to talk about.”

“Yeah, um, I’ve been thinking too.” She bit her lip in concentration.

Marco fully turned on the bed to face her and she mirrored him. “About what my mom said?” he asked hesitantly. Star nodded tightly, focusing entirely on the rich brown pools shining into her own. She wanted to clear the air, no matter how awkward it might be, and the calming energy radiating from his own pushed her through. “Ugh, I feel so stupid for not bringing it up earlier-”

She clutched one of his hands sympathetically; now was not the time for him to get into one of these moods. “Marco, it’s not your fault! I didn’t either, and besides, it was only a few days ag-”

“No, it wasn’t.” His eyes closed, trying to achieve some sort of zen as the words shuffled themselves around in his mind, but the twitching of his free hand gave away his nervousness. “It- it wasn’t just a few days ago. That night, with my cheekmarks… it was the first time I’d felt something really strong, for you, thaaaat way…”

“Sexually.” Star completed the sentence calmly, clearing her mind and giving him space to talk. Marco nodded, but a split second later his eyes widened in realization of how she might be taking it.

“No- well, yes, b-but… what I mean is, ugh, I- it’s a me thing. Not you,” he stammered. “These types of feelings… it’s all new to me. Whenever I liked someone, I always just thought they were cool or pretty or adorable. Or all three,” he smirked, squeezing her hand. The last thing he wanted was for Star to think he had anything less than the utmost affection for her. “But I guess the more physical stuff just never clicked for me. I- I never really felt that way about anyone before, a-and I really enjoy it but it just freaked me out and I-I didn’t want it to be in the way-”

She planted her lips on his, initially meant to just be a peck, but lingered momentarily before pulling away. It always seemed to be this song and dance between them, putting their concern for the other over their own, but she was determined not to let him sink into that mire again. “Marco… it’s OK to feel that way about me, I want you to. I feel the same about you.”

Both his hands tentatively took hold of hers. “Do you want to… go further?”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I- it’s all still new to me, I haven’t done anything like this before, but I really do, Star.”

“Same. Let’s just go with the flow and see what happens. No pressure.”

“No pressure,” he repeated softly, heart doing backflips in his chest. Star tugged him forward, pecking him gently as their night began.

***

“Is this weird?” she said many minutes later, pausing to appreciate their current situation before they crossed the final threshold together.

“Maybe a little,” he responded, leaning forward and kissing her sweetly. “But I love it.”

The strings of tension in her body all thrummed with warmth as the remaining jitters started to melt away. “I love you, Marco.” It was a refrain uttered casually between them these days - though they certainly meant it each time - but now it felt as though her entire body poured every emotion she had into that one expression.

“Love you too, Star,” he responded much the same before they closed the gap together, lips performing an intimate dance moving as one. The rest of their bodies followed suit and collided confidently, the mix of wild lust and bashful hesitance giving way to something new. A soft light became visible through their closed eyelids, and they separated, eyes widening at the sight. Two hearts and two moons emitting a pink glow in unison. They brightly grinned at each other, tracing the outlines of the marks on each others’ cheeks with their fingers, fully embracing the essential truth of their unbridled devotion to one another in mind, body, and soul, ready to follow their passion to its finality.

***

“So… that was something,” he uttered.

“Sure was,” she fondly smiled at her love, the sunken eyebrows and heavy lids framing his gaze emanating an aura laden with tender love. “This is nice. So what now?”

A rumbling in his stomach answered the question for him “...I’m kind of hungry already.”

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I’ll make nachos and you find a movie?”

“You know me too well, Mr. Diaz,” she sighed, holding him tighter. “But, um, we should probably get cleaned up.”

“Yeah,” he admitted, “It’s kind of cold. And sweaty. Maybe we should stay in my room tonight.”

“Guess naked cuddles aren’t always all they’re cracked up to be. A shower sounds really good right now,” she tittered, committing one last snapshot to memory before standing up on the floor and stretching her tired limbs. A hand intertwined itself with hers, stopping her from walking away.

“Mind if I join you? J-Just to shower…” he floundered, but she understood. Neither were up for continuing, but they still didn’t want this newfound intimacy to end.

Nothing more was said as the pair went hand-in-hand, wholly alone together. The bedroom light was the sole beacon lighting up the Monster Temple’s mountain, a pinprick glow joining the shining stars in the Earthni heavens above.

[ohtheseboysilove]

The sunflower always finds its sunlight III [Roger Taylor x F!Reader]

Words : 3, 600 K +

Warnings : language, sad shit, angst, eating disorders, fluff

Summary :  Roger likes Reader since forever but the timing seems to just never be right for them. Reader is still haunted by her past relationship and kept rejecting Roger who know nothing about the abuses she had been victim of. After being rejected for the sixth time,  Roger thinks it’s time for him to move on…

 Note : Back in present guys, it’s time for slow burn and awful timing...

☀ Masterlist ☀

The next three months had been hard on you after your fight with Roger. You didn’t talk to him since, you wanted to apologise so badly but you couldn’t just bring yourself to do it, he probably hated you anyway. So you distanced yourself from the band, slowly but surely, you old demons bubbling back during these long hours alone. Freddie and Mary were trying to help but you didn’t want any help and they couldn’t do much when they didn’t even know what was the problem to begin with. You were back at your old bad habits from where you were a teenager : eating disorders.

Back in high school, like a lot of girls, you started hating your body and it resulted in you skipping meals more than you should have. You went through it but these last weeks, it had slowly crawling back into your mind, Donovan’s memories where more present these days, shadowing over you, feeling like he was still here and it was destroying you. The truth was you really thought you were doing better this last year about the whole Donovan thing but even if Roger didn’t know what happened, he had been your biggest support the past three years and now...you were all by yourself, leaving you with nothing else than sleepless nights, skipped meals and endless crying.

You knew you should talk to someone but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Not yet.

**

“I don’t know, Freddie...I’m pretty sure I am the last person Roger want to see at his birthday” You said with a tired voice, the singer had been harassing you these day to convince you to go out with them.

“Oh darling, you’re one of his best friend, of course he want to see you there ! Your little fight is becoming really ridiculous” The singer was certain than nothing could come between Roger and you, friends for life. But he didn’t know how many time you broke his band mate’s heart either so, yeah, maybe he would change his mind about it. “Come on, (Y/N). It’s a dinner for Rog, we rent his favourite restaurant for the night and invited only close friends so you have to be here, I see you at seven”

“But– asshole” The line disconnected so you hanged up and sighed deeply, you knew you had to go. If you wanted a chance to save what was left of your and Roger’s friendship, you had to.

You spent two hours finding an outfit for the night, something cute but not to tight, the last thing you wanted was that someone noticed that you lost too much weight. Especially Roger, Mary and Freddie, the only three of your friends who knew about your eating disorders. Freddie and Mary found out by your mom, who was worried after your left home so when she came visit you one day and met you friends, she told them. For Roger, well as you closest friend, he kind of guess it somewhere during you four-years relationship with Donovan, how the most subtle change in your mood could affect your appetite, after months of asking about it, you had finally tell him the truth. And that was probably one of the best decision because without him, you didn’t know how you would have ended after Donovan left.

You picked an adorable little dress and get ready, ignoring the nervous twisting in your stomach. You had no idea how Roger was going to react and you couldn’t help yourself but thought about the worst scenarios.

Few hours later you were in front of the restaurant, biting anxiously your lips. You were thirty-minutes late, thanks to the horrible traffic of London and now you could hear the loud sounds of conversation as everyone probably already arrived. Great. By only close friends, Freddie meant something like twenty peoples with their plus one and you found yourself incredibly...lonely. You entered the place and gave your name, and instead of going inside right away, you stayed in the entrance, trying to calm yourself. You had avoid everyone for weeks and suddenly you were about to appear like nothing happened ? Maybe it wasn’t a such great idea to be here.

“Where is she ?” You froze as you recognised Roger’s voice from behind the curtain, which leaded to the large dinning-room. “She is never late”

“Oh for god’ sake Rog, relax okay ? She’s coming, I talk to her earlier, she promise she would be here” You couldn’t repress a smile, the drummer wanted you here. This was a great relief, the nervous knot in your stomach turned into hundred of butterflies.

“Then where the hell is she ? I can’t have any fun at my birthday’s party if she isn’t here” You tucked a strand of hairs behind your ear, feeling blush creeping on your cheeks. You were so ready to make peace with Roger and have your best friend back...and maybe more ? The only thing you knew was that you didn’t want to lose him again.

You took a deep breath and pushed away the curtain, showing yourself to the boys with a timid but sincere smile. You locked your eyes with Roger, waiting for his big cheeky smile to paint on his face at your presence but he only knotted his brows together, looking rather surprise.

“(Y/N) ? I didn’t know Freddie invited you”

You tensed your jaw to not drop your smile right away as the reality slapped you in the face, he wasn’t talking about you earlier. The she was another girl.

“It was one of your surprise Rog !” Freddie hugged you  ferociously and let an arm around your shoulder, babbling about how great it was to see out of your place.

You were glad that the singer offered some kind of support physic because you could have collapse on the ground at any second, under the weight of the humiliation. Of course he wasn’t talking about you, what were you thinking ? The blond scratched his neck awkwardly but before he could say something, the look in his eyes changed to uncomfortable to excitement about something or rather someone right behind you.

“Hi guys ! I’m so sorry I’m late ! My shooting-photo ended later than planned, sorry Roggie”

Probably one of the most beautiful woman you ever saw walked by you and pressed her perfect deep red lips on Roger’s. She was a model without a single doubt, her leg longer than half of your height, she was a bit taller than the drummer with her heels. Her tight dress was showing her thin waist, her neckline wasn’t even too large to be called groupie, no she certainly wasn’t any girl, she was Roger’s. His hands ended on his hips as they kissed for a some long seconds, sweetly and you felt completely out of your place.

“It’s okay, dove. I was waiting for you to have some fun, only boring people with wives inside anyway” He winked and you swallowed thickly, shifting uncomfortably on one foot then another, wondering if the situation could become more awkward. “Hum, so Nina this (Y/N)...an old friend of mine. (Y/N), this my girlfriend, Nina” He smiled to the leggy brunette, their hands tangled together.

“Oh, that’s nice to meet (Y/N) !” She immediately hugged you and gave you the friendliest smile possible. She did sound really nice and god she was absolutely perfect physically speaking. “I’m counting on you to show some humiliating pictures of Roggie when he was younger”

“Of course” You replied with a toothy grin but you were clenching your teeth so hardly, it was almost hurting you. “I got plenty of them, it’s endless, trust me” You laughed awkwardly but no one since to notice it, thankfully.

Freddie, Roger and Nina chatted for few more minutes as you just stood here, nodding and chuckling when it was needed, all of your body tensed with shame. You just wanted to disappear six feet under ground.

“Well, (Y/N), it was nice to see you again, I have some people to introduce to Nina. See you later” The blond smiled politely and walked away, his arm resting protectively on the brunette’s waist.

“I told you he wasn’t mad at you anymore, darling” You nodded slowly and gave a sweet smile to the singer, hoping hiding your urge to cry at this instant. “Come on, let get you a drink” Freddie rubbed your back gently, silently telling you that he knew how hurt you were but as friend with both of you, he couldn’t do much, after all, he was the one who reunited you and the blond tonight.

**

You learnt that Roger and Nina were together only since two months but knew each other for longer, meaning he probably hooked up with here before he start seriously dating girls. They looked like they were together for much longer, as they were close and clearly into each other, Roger’s hand was always somewhere on her body.

You were sat next to Chrissie during dinner with John at your right and it honestly felt good to see your friends, chatting about random topics and sharing some laughs. You made your best to not stare at Roger during the meal but you couldn’t resist to steal some glances in his direction. You had miss him so much and you still did, you maybe or maybe not had some romantic feelings for him but first of all he was one of your best friend, you used to hang around each other a lot and because of your stupidity it had stop. You dearly wanted your best friend back.

You didn’t eat much, your fork playing with the food to make illusion as your brain was tricking thinking that you didn’t needed that food, you were fat enough compared to Nina. It wasn’t true but your clouded mind couldn’t see it. Freddie’s eyes were looking at you a bit longer than normal sometimes during the dinner so you made sure to eat at least your dessert, forcing your knotted throat to swallow every bite of the chocolate cake.

“So (Y/N), how your romantic life’s going ?” Chrissie asked to you with a curious smile. “You’re always so secret about it since Donovan !” You hated that this asshole was still in your group’s friends, even in America he was still in touch with most of them. But what it would have changed after all ? They all thought he was a good guy, you thought that too. At the beginning.

Well, I spent the last three years trying to forget what my ex-boyfriend did to me but the traumatises are still here as rather than spoke to someone I completely shut down myself and pretended everything was fine. Then I fucked up everything with Roger because I was and still am deeply affected by these memories and now he acted like a complete stranger with me. Everything is fucking perfect Chrissie, thanks for asking.

But instead you just said “It’s pretty calm, I’m focusing on myself for now” You lied through your teeth but the answer seemed to satisfied the brunette who dropped the topic.

**

You had stay more than it was politely needed at this party and now you were ready to leave, not seeing the point to staying any longer. Roger and Nina had been glued to each other all night, chatting to everyone who had come and honestly you had feel out of place all evening. You had nothing new to say and it was kind of pathetic compared to your friends who were doing great in their life. Brian and Chrissie’s wedding was in few months ; Veronica and John, who were already married, were expecting their first child in five months ; Roger had a new girlfriend who was a famous model ; Even Freddie had something to tell, his favourite cat Delilah just gave birth to four cute kittens. But you...you were still at the same point since Donovan left, nothing new for you.

“You’re leaving dear ?” You internally cursed Brian to catch you as you were trying to exit discretely the party.

“Hum, yeah, got work early tomorrow” You nodded and gave him a quick hug. “Say goodbye for me to the rest okay ? There so many people, I want to leave before the sun rise” You joked with a weak voice and disappeared outside.

You wanted to say goodbye to Roger but during all the evening, every of your interactions with each other has been awkward, thing that never happened before and god you hated that. Plus, the last time you checked, Nina was sitting on his lap, both of them drinking bubbling champagne, laughing loudly. You didn’t want to ruin the mood. After asking to the receptionist to call you a taxi, you sat on a random crappy bench, quietly waiting for it.

“It not even midnight and you’re already leaving ? That never happened at one of my birthday before” You blinked surprisingly when the drummer joined you on the bench, lighting a cigarette.

“Hum, yeah, I need to wake up early tomorrow” You coughed to hide how awkward you were, finding incapable to make conversation with him. After all, the last time you and him were alone ended badly, breaking both of your hearts.

“I understand” A silent fell between the two of you, the blond smoking his cigarette as you played with the hem of your loose dress. “Thanks for the gift by the way, it was really nice” He smiled at you and blew the smoke away from you, hoping you will help him make conversation.

“You’re welcome Roger” You replied with a little smile. He was lying and he knew that you knew it too. You had offer an expensive pair of sunglasses for his birthday and it was the lamest present possible you could have give. It was impersonal and unlike you.

The two of you had a tradition for both of your birthdays to offer each other duo gift and always enjoyed it together. This tradition was born at Roger’s twentieth birthday, it was only few months after you moved in London but you were already friend so when you heard he was a big fan of Bowie, you managed to get him two tickets to see him. He was so surprise from a such nice gift that he brought you with him, giving another dimension to your friendship. After that, for your nineteenth birthday, Roger offered you two tickets for Wimbledon as he knew you loved tennis and so you invited him with you to spend the day together. And it kept going during the next years, even where you were with Donovan, he was a bit jealous but he had to deal with it anyway.  You did some fun things together : Karting race – you went crazy and Roger thought you were totally suicidal – ; Vineyard tour and tasting – both of you ended drunk as you were supposed to spat the wine and not drinking it for the tasting part but none of you listened – ; The Reading Music Festival – you were high as a kite most of the night but it had been good fun – ; Cadbury world, the chocolate factory – you were still sick thinking about the amount of sweet things you ate that day – ;

The list was long and it was supposed to continue but with your shitty present today, you broke the tradition. God you were dumb and you wanted to prove to Roger you were still friends. So you chuckled gently and shook your head, earning a curious glance from the drummer.

“I’m sorry I offered you stupid sunglasses, it’s a complete ridiculous present”

“It’s not (Y/N), it’s really nice, I’m serious I love them” He tried to stay serious but when he saw the amusement glowed in your eyes, he let his lips curled into a grin. “Alright, it was rather...unexpected from you but you have your reasons. I’ve been a total asshole to you last time and I deserve these shades which make me look like a total wanker” The blond shrugged and let out a little timid laugh, looking at you from the corner of his eyes.

You joined his laugh but your heart was aching at the memories and before he couldn’t understand what was going on, your arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, babbling endless apologies.

“I’m so sorry Rog, I shouldn’t have say all these horrible things to you” His hands flew on your back, rubbing it gently as you sobbed against his neck. “It was stupid and totally wrong, I know you’re a wonderful boyfriend and I was just being defensive and I’m so sorry, you’re my best friend and now you hate me–“

“Hey, hey, breath, love. I’m not mad at you, silly girl” The drummer chuckled at the funny noises escaping from your nose. “But I will if you keep soaking my brand new shirt, it’s a Battistoni, love and it was bloody expensive” You chocked out a strangle giggle and took a step back, quickly wiped your wet cheeks.

“Sorry, it’s a really nice shirt, a bit posh for you but you do look like a smartass” You joked and put back correctly his shirt collar. The drummer rolled his eyes but when he slid his hand his shirt pocket and get out a handkerchief for your teary eyes, he couldn’t repress a cheeky grin. “No, you didn’t !” You gasped at the way too posh gesture and shook your head with amusement.

“I know, I look like a douchebag but I always wanted to try it. Just like the gentlemen in these old movies ya know ? Plus, the tissue was offered with the shirt so here I am” He gave your hand a kiss, making you giggled stupidly. God you had miss this dork. After the laughs slowly died, you looked at each other without knowing what to say. Were you friends again ? Best friends ? Or the last fight went to far ? “I’m sorry too (Y/N)” Roger sighed as he scratched his shoulder, chewing at his bottom lip. “You’re not a heartless bitch, you’re probably the nicest person I know, maybe a bit too nice sometimes” He gave you a half-smile and a chuckle escaped from your lips, he wasn’t wrong, you needed to toughen a bit sometimes. “I was just a bitter asshole because you refused to go on a date with me and when I say it out loud, it sound even worse, god. Can we just forget that night ? I miss my best friend”

You nodded eagerly, tears shimmered in your eyes from the emotions. Jesus, you really needed to toughen more than a bit. Roger’s words felt a bit bitter on his tongue, you were more than a best friend for him, so much more but he promised you and himself than the sixth time you rejected was the very last. So he stayed true to his words and if the only way to have you in his life was as a friend, he will accept it.

���I missed you too Rog” You hugged him again and this time, you melted into his familiar embrace, his comforting scent floating around you. It was definitively your favourite place in the whole word. When you both pulled away, you grabbed the new pair of shades hanging on his head and threw it on the floor before stomping on it seriously. He gasped loudly at your gesture, pouting like a kid. “Please, can we forget that for your twenty-eighth birthday, I offered you stupid sunglasses ?”

“I don’t know...shitty gift it’s better than nothing” The blond smirked and looked at you curiously as you energetically looked through your bag before letting a yell of victory escaped your mouth. “What it is ?”

“Your real present” You slid a white envelop on his hands with a sweet smile. “I bought them months ago but I wasn’t sure how tonight was going to be so I had the shades in case of you still hated me” You shrugged and watched his eyes twinkled as he discovered the inside of the envelop, taking out from it two golden tickets.

“Shit, you remember ! I thought you were too drunk for that” He giggled like a kid. You had got him a ride of hot balloon for two peoples, he had confess you during one drink night how much he would love to do that but the guys had make fun of him when talked about the idea. You were pretty hammered but you certainly didn’t forget. “Thanks (Y/N), it’s awesome...we should do that sometimes in summer, the view going to be so beautiful”

“You want to do it with me ?” You squeaked like a mouse, you didn’t expect him to pick you for this...rather romantic activity.

“Of course ! We always choose each other, it’s not going to change now” He winked at you and showed a toothy grin. “What are saying ? Want to be my hot balloon date ?” He added jokingly but there was a little tension in the air after the word date. You should say no, he had a girlfriend for doing this kind of thing and after you almost lost him, you shouldn’t take anymore risk. But you couldn’t bear to see this cheeky smile, which became your favourite through the years, fall from his features.

“Yes Rog, I will come with you”

**

Tag list : @amy-brooklyn99 @mercurycrowley @vanitysfairr @loveandbeloved29 @luvborhap @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming@geek-and-proud @fearless2tobeme @chlobo6 @stormtrprinstilettos @mrsmazzello@neckfruit

[miraculouspaon]

Worth

A short prequel (that nobody asked for) to Sins of the Father. Nino Lahiffe and Chloe Bourgeois meet for coffee. 

Nino arrived at the cozy cafe with a few minutes to spare, so he was surprised to find Chloe Bourgeois already waiting for him. She hugged him warmly, if somewhat impatiently, before ushering him into one of the restaurant’s many private booths.

“You’re looking perfect as always,” Nino said cheerfully. “How’ve you been? I don’t think we’ve seen each other since, what, the spring fundraiser? Has it been that long?”

Chloe shrugged. “Probably,” she said. “This year’s been crazy. Daddy had me in Dubai just about every other month overseeing the grand opening of our new hotel. Things are finally slowing down, thank God.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“How are you guys? How’s the kid?”

“Amira?” Nino grinned proudly. “She’s great. Her class just took a trip to the planetarium. You should visit if you’re ever in the mood to have her talk your ear off for three hours straight.”

Chloe made a face. “Pass. What about you and Adrien? You’re still at that radio station, right?”

“Yeah, nothing new to report there. Adrien just got promoted.”

“Oh!” Chloé perked up. “I saw Adrien managed to get Ladybug for the winter fundraiser next month. A girl couldn’t get a ticket, could she? Seeing as how I’m Adrikins’ oldest friend and all.” Chloé blinked innocently, and Nino laughed. “Where is Adrikins, anyway? I already ordered for both of you, his is going to get cold.” She pushed two cups of espresso across the table to Nino.

“Actually, Chloe, I was hoping we could talk just the two of us,” Nino said. He picked a cup up and took a sip. “Wow, that’s good.”

Chloe frowned. “Why? You and I don’t have anything in common other than Adrien. No offense.”

“None taken.” Nino took another sip.

“And it’s not a surprise party, because his birthday was last month. My assistant remembered to send something, right?”

“Personalized handkerchiefs, Adrien was very touched,” Nino said dryly. “No, it’s just something a bit… sensitive. And depending on how the conversation goes, you might not want Adrien to know it happened. I need to ask you something. Something big. I didn’t want you to feel pressured by knowing other people would know if you said no. I want you to feel completely free to make whatever decision is right for you.”

Chloe’s confused expression cleared. “Ohhhh,” she said. “Of course. I know exactly what you’re going to ask.”

Nino blinked. “Um. I really doubt that, Chloe.”

Chloe took Nino’s hand and squeezed it warmly. “Of course I’ll do it,” she said. “Honestly, I was expecting you to ask, gosh, about five or six years ago? I mean, geez, Lahiffe, none of us is getting younger. But of course you and Adrien were stupidly young the first time-no offense, I mean, I love Amira, she’s probably the most not-annoying kid I know, I’m just saying, of course you didn’t want to rush into a second one after all that, right?”

Nino had spent the better part of the last ten years bracing himself for this moment. He’d imagined dozens of different scenarios-different Miraculouses, different possible holders, different looming crises needing just the right new hero. The absolute only thing each situation he’d envisioned had in common, the one thing he thought he’d be able to count on, was being less confused than whoever he made the offer to. “Um.”

“And God, all that paperwork, just for one baby! Of course you don’t want to do all that all over again! I would be so happy to help you and Adrien, Nino, don’t spend another second worrying about that.”

“Um.”

Oh.” Chloe winced and sucked air through her teeth, “But nine months from now, that’s,” Chloe pulled out her cell phone and checked her personal calendar, “August, which means a third trimester in the summer, and I absolutely cannot be fat in summer, I'm so sorry, do you mind if we push it forward just a few months?”

The pieces finally clicked in Nino’s brain, and his eyes widened. “Chloe, that’s not-“

“Also, do you mind if you’re the father? I mean,” Chloe rolled her eyes, “I know you’re both the father, but you know what I mean. It’d be too weird with Adrien, he’s practically my brother. Whereas you’re, like,” Chloe glanced Nino up and down, “the weirdly hot guy my brother managed to score.”

“Chloe!” Nino took a deep breath. “That is not even a little bit what I wanted to ask you!” Chloe let out an affronted huff. “Not that I’m not incredibly touched at the offer,” he added quickly. “Really, it’s, it means so much, and of course if we were-but you’re right, if we were going to ask it would have been years ago, Amira’s almost twelve, we’re not really looking to start over again from the beginning, you know?”

Chloe frowned, only slightly mollified. “If you’re not asking me to be your surrogate, what on earth could you possibly want, Lahiffe?”

Nino took a deep breath. “I wanted to offer you a Miraculous, Chloe.”

Chloe stared at Nino unblinkingly. “Where the hell did you get a Miraculous?” she finally asked.

“That’s kind of a long story,” Nino said. “I’d love to tell it to you, if you say yes. But for now, all you need to know is that I’m sort of in charge of all of them. It’s my job to look after the heroes who have one, and find new people to be heroes when the need arises.”

“New heroes,” Chloe repeated. “Me. You want me to be a new hero. Like Ladybug.”

Nino nodded. “If you say yes, you won’t need a fundraiser ticket to meet her, Chloe. You’ll fight alongside her. And Chat, and Rena. And me occasionally, but probably not that often honestly. What do you think? Do you have any questions?”

Chloe picked up a spoon and began to stir it in her coffee anxiously. “Do I get to pick what animal?”

“No, sorry. You’d be getting the Bee Miraculous. It’s a really good one, though, you’ll like it. And you look good in yellow,” Nino added, grinning.

“I look amazing in yellow,” Chloe corrected. She frowned. “It’d be a secret, right?”

“That’s right. Only the other Miraculous holders could know who you really are. No bragging, no-”

Chloe cut him off with an impatient wave of her hand. “Duh,” she said. “But you said Adrien would know if I said yes.”

Nino’s cheeks went pink. “No, I didn’t,” he lied.

“Which means Adrien is Chat Noir,” Chloe continued, “whose best friend is Ladybug, which means that Ladybug…” she groaned. “Oh, God, no. Nino. Please, please tell me that my all-time favorite superhero is anybody other than Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Nino bit back a grin. “You know, you two have more in common than you realize.”

“She hates me! Ladybug hates me!”

Nino patted Chloe’s hand. “No, she doesn’t. And she’s going to love having you join the team, really. I would not be asking you if I wasn’t sure you were the perfect person for the job.”

“Which is what, exactly?” Chloe leaned back in the booth and crossed her arms. “There hasn’t been a new hero since… since you, I guess? Is that right?” Nino nodded. “So why me? Why now? What’s going on?”

Nino sighed. “Have you heard of Alessandro Cattaneo?”

Chloe shook her head. “Should I have?”

“Honestly, I’m kind of relieved you haven’t,” Nino said. “I was starting to worry everyone in Paris had heard of him. He’s starting to gain a pretty big following, stirring people up against the Miraculouses, preaching that they’ve fallen into the hands of misguided abusers-”

Chloe cut him off with a scoff. “As if! Ladybug’s the greatest superhero of all time!”

Nino raised an eyebrow. “Even though she’s Marinette?”

“Well.” Chloe rolled her eyes. “I mean. Even Marinette can’t ruin Ladybug. She’s incredible. This city would have been destroyed a hundred times over if it weren’t for her. Anybody who doesn’t see that is an idiot. She’s the greatest superhero of all time. Well,” Chloe straightened, “for now, anyway. I’m sure I’ll be giving her a run for her money.”

Nino smiled. “And that’s why I’m asking you,” he said.

“Because I’m a Ladybug fan?”

Nino shook his head. “No, there are plenty of those. No, Chloe, the thing that’s so special about you is that you know what you’re worth.”

Chloe pressed her lips together. “People call me stuck-up to my face all the time, but I think that’s the first time somebody’s tried to make it sound like a compliment.”

“It is, though,” Nino said, his voice urgent. “Other superheroes, they’re… we’re, as a breed, we’re very prone to self-doubt, to blaming ourselves for everything. There’s always that one person we couldn’t save, that one fight we wish had gone differently. Cattaneo’s taking advantage of that. I can already see it starting to get to Ladybug and the others. But his rhetoric isn’t going to work on you. We need somebody who knows what she’s worth, who knows what we’re worth, and who won’t let anybody get away with saying otherwise. When Cattaneo twists the truth, we need somebody strong enough to twist right back and throw it in his face. Do you think you can be that person for us?”

Slowly, Chloe nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, you bet I can. Nobody insults Ladybug and gets away with it, not while I’m around.”

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, Ch 22-26 [Epilogue 5]

/So a lot of heavy shit has happened, though worse is yet to come (I’ve been warned of an onscreen sexual assault in chapter 32).

Everyone’s been having babies and funerals! It’s a busy time.

(note: csa mention in chapter 23, though it does not occur in the narrative)

Chapter 22

This is another John-Terezi text convo chapter. There’s been a three-year timeskip. And... it’s raining ghosts now.

So I guess that’s what became of the whole ghosts in the Furthest Ring thing?

We also learn that, on top of the breeding restrictions, trolls are banned from rising beyond certain levels in government. Jane is, we learn, pretty much running the government behind the scenes, because what makes fascist movements tick is one evil person, obviously.

Karkat’s the one with a backbone at least...

JOHN: and karkat...

JOHN: he’s gone completely off the grid!

JOHN: at first we all assumed that the reason he ran away was because he got fed up with his shitty poly relationship.

JOHN: which was probably part of it, honestly. but now i keep seeing his face on all the resistance posters!

JOHN: i think they may have actually put him in charge?

TEREZI: H3H

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS KN3W H3 H4D 1T 1N H1M

This situation is only exacerbated by the ghosts. So that means characters who were very definitely dead in the main storyline can show up.

Gamzee has been apparently spreading this religion of ‘redemption arcs’ by ‘making out with people’, and doing some kind of milk-based ‘baptism’. John, meanwhile, asks about the ethics of kidnapping baby Tavros from his horrific parents...

We get to bare witness to Gamzee ‘redeeming’ the ghosts of Feferi and Eridan. Which involves Eridan going on about Feferi’s feet and Gamzee mashing their faces together to make them ‘kiss and make up’.

Jane, it seems, is going full Condesce in more ways than one:

Just then, a dark shadow passes over the park. The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead. Its design is insect-like, splitting into many jagged branches, each decked out with weapons and cameras. It’s completely silent, and encased in armor with a bright red finish, smooth and seamless. It’s often cited by Jane as the crown jewel of Crockercorp’s various military contracts with the government.

...including literally building her spaceships, and sending them out over the Troll kingdom.

So we’re basically going to have the Holocaust allegory in here I guess? Fucking hell.

chapter 23

We get more words towards Roxy’s steady character dissolution...

It’s not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more contrarian in spirit than this person he’s married to now.

Back when they were dating, John thought she was acting a little off. Not quite in a bad way, but perhaps a little too “in love,” too fast. At least she still seemed like herself most of the time. But since the wedding, every year that goes by, she seems to become just a little more conciliatory. Not just toward him but toward life in general. She indulges Harry Anderson liberally and almost thoughtlessly. She doesn’t care that her best friend is slowly turning into an executive overseeing the corporate arm up the puppet ass of a ruthless dictatorship. She still thinks Gamzee is being sincere about all this “redemption” bullshit, even though he’s been casting an increasingly dark and hungry shadow behind Jane: a malicious royal vizier to her burgeoning imperial persona.

So John’s going to do something, and hopes that it will make things feel ‘real’ again... which is to say obviously what he talked about with Terezi, kidnapping/rescuing Tavros Crocker. Well-intentioned, but... I do not anticipate this going well.

We learn a little such as... Jane’s planning to outlaw human and troll marriage, which would retroactively hit Rose and Kanaya. Which I guess is the final straw for them. (Frankly it should be well past the final straw for all of them. They should all be with Karkat by this point!)

Also Jane and Jake are in ‘auspistice counselling’. We witness a loud row, in front of Tavros...

TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses after all,,,

like, fuck.......

It’s a birthday party for Harry Anderson (John and Roxy’s kid), and Jane’s gift is, well, a fucking imperial drone!

sometimes I picture V’s gleeful face as we see the next thing she’s got for us... and now you lick the clown’s armpit... jane’s making the Holocaust but for fictional space aliens...

John awkwardly finds an excuse to be alone with Tavros, to convince him to run away. The kid dialogue is convincingly naive.

The possibility of child sexual abuse (by Gamzee) is raised, but it’s made clear this isn’t the case: what ever else Gamzee is in this version, he doesn’t rape children. However, that the situation is overall abusive in just about every other way is more than clear. Tavros, on his part, seems to be very keen to leave once he’s convinced John can escape Jane’s security.

I have a feeling the imperial drone may become relevant again shortly.

Jade, however, witnesses what John’s trying to do. She insists it will just make everything worse... (also Jake has an ‘execution dance off show’ because yeah...)

Whatever weird character corrosion has hit them is finally raised...

JOHN: if there was another way we would have found it by now!!!

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over the last few years that made things be this way!

JOHN: it’s like everyone just talks past each other all the time!

JADE: john...

JOHN: i’m the only one who ever seems to realize that something...

JOHN: that something’s WRONG!

Tavros sadly can’t get a word in edgewise as they start having a go at each other - John calling out everything that’s wrong, the way Jade forced a relationship on Dave and Karkat, and... and the noise is loud enough that Jane arrives on the scene.

John finally has a go at her with all the latent awfulness that’s been building up to this point. The fascism, the way she’s treated Jake, the Gamzee thing... the narration has put us very much on his side, centred his perspective, but his friends won’t hear it. And his windy powers destroy the room. So that’s something.

John runs away.

Comment: the mostly strict John viewpoint makes me wonder if there’s any degree of unreliable narration. All the same, most of the stuff is pretty undeniable.

chapter 24

This one begins with an interesting exchange:

JADE [alt-Calliope]: the timelines are interacting again.

ARADIA: ooh do you hear anything interesting

SOLLUX: don’t be s0 n0sy aradia.

To me the implication is that a lot of the ‘arrivals’ in this timeline - alt-Calliope in Jade’s body, the ghosts - are as a result of things that might be happening in the Meat story.

Through alt-Calliope’s eyes, we see Terezi and John’s conversation. Terezi is lost, in more ways than one, in the dreaming void searching for Vriska. She’s also experiencing derealisation... John, apparently in a mood for dropping harsh challenges, tells her point blank that Vriska is either dead, or, not worth her time for leaving her in doubt for so long.

alt-Calliope explains that what is at stake is not the destruction of this universe - but those of them here are ‘the lucky ones’, who live ‘beyond the reach of the prince’. She doesn’t bother to explain what is at stake.

Meanwhile, John and Terezi talk depression. There’s some really vital Terezi dialogue here...

JOHN: please. please come home.

TEREZI: TH3N WH4T

JOHN: umm, i dunno.

JOHN: we hang out and stuff?

TEREZI: JOHN YOU ST1LL DONT G3T 1T

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S *NOT* MY HOM3

JOHN: do you really miss alternia that bad?

TEREZI: 1 D1D FOR 4 LONG T1M3

TEREZI: MOR3 TH4N K4RK4T 4ND K4N4Y4 D1D 4T L34ST

TEREZI: BUT 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 4NYMOR3

TEREZI: 4LT3RN14, VR1SK4, SGRUB

TEREZI: 1M SO CONFUS3D 4BOUT WH4T 1 W4NT

TEREZI: UGH, 1 THOUGHT TH4T NOT K1LL1NG H3R WOULD M4K3 M3 F33L B3TT3R

TEREZI: BUT 1NST34D 1TS L1K3 1 R3TCONN3D 4 HUG3 CHUNK OUT OF MY SOUL

TEREZI: 1 3R4S3D 4N 4CT1ON OF R3GR3T 4ND GR13F...  

TEREZI: 4ND JUST TURN3D 1T 1NTO SOM3TH1NG 1 C4NT STOP CH4S1NG 4FT3R

TEREZI: M4YB3 WH4T 1 D1D W4S N3CESS4RY TO S4V3 3V3RYON3 3LS3

TEREZI: BUT 1T SUR3 D1DNT S4VE M3

oh terezi....

terezi is giving up. she tells john she texted, echoing his words, to ‘give him the courtesy of closure’. and that she’s going to let herself die, alone in the Furthest Ring.

this is the ‘sweet fluffy’ branch huh

chapter 25

finally an update on what’s going on with Karkat!

he’s been somehow appointed ‘Commander’ of the rebellion, with good old Swifer Eggmop as one of his comrades! I’m so glad Swifer is having a role. Karkat is not all that pleased about the successes of his rebellion:

KARKAT: SO FAR ALL THIS “TROLL REBELLION” HAS AMOUNTED TO IS A WHOLE LOT OF DICK ALL, WITH AN ADDITIONAL SIDE SERVING OF JACK SQUAT, FOLLOWED UP BY A FINAL COURSE OF GETTING TO WATCH OUR TOP ANALYST, CLIPER BORDEN, BEING FORCED TO DANCE TO AVOID LIFE IMPRISONMENT IN A LABOR CAMP ON LIVE TELEVISION AND MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF HIMSELF.

It’s all a weird mix of surreal and grimdark, much like the Alpha kids’ backstory in Homestuck proper. There’s hard labour camps... making cake; a ‘pastry-based shadow dictatorship’.

Rose and Kanaya are at least involved somewhat in the troll rebellion, and transport of the Mother Grub has been arranged.

Anyway, Karkat’s typically grumpy internal monologue is interrupted by the sudden arrival of Meenah from another dimension. A living Meenah - equipped with a Ring of Life. John asks if she got it from Calliope, but Meenah insists she did not. (Possibly she got it from Andrew Hussie himself? I’d have to watch Cascade again probably...)

Meenah, it seems, is fresh from battling Lord English - apparently without success. But her massive army of ghosts arrives with her... and she’s willing for Karkat to take charge and order her around, as long as he does it with a suitably commanderly demeanour. Does this mean the rebellion now stands more of a chance? Meenah is ruthless (she was the Condesce in another life), though capricious... Karkat is honest and direct and angry about the right things, but rather prone to getting lost in it.

Also he still won’t text Dave, and won’t let Rose talk to him about it.

chapter 26

Back to John, who’s thinking about messaging Terezi again - presumably in the hope that she is not, in fact, dead?

He’s getting a good old mope on about the seeming fakeness, non-’canonicity’ of life on Earth C. But after some ‘melodramatic contemplating’ in this vein, he’s interrupted by his dad’s car.

I’m going to be very curious if the Meat route explains how all this stuff got into the Earth C universe.

Unfortunately, what John finds in the car is... not his dad, but a bit of Terezi’s blood. From which he concludes... he’s never going to see her again, there was never even a possibility of it.

Feeling derealisation more than ever, John just screams a lot.

Damn lol, this story is making me care about John Egbert of all people!

epilogue 5

This is the episode where the whole idyll comes crashing down. Things aren’t ok, things weren’t going to be ok, trying to pretend things were ok just made everyone miserable.

I am sufficiently depressed that that rather appeals as a narrative - much more than a ‘happily ever after’ ending. But it’s not over yet.

Hopefully there’s yet hope for the characters I like to find some manner of escape from this latest hell, develop out of the worst selves they’ve built... Roxy, at least, I hope can change, stop being this non-person...

[scriptura-adrepticius]

Wait For Me - Fan Chengcheng

Finally finished bashing this out after two failed drafts smh

Pairing: Fan Chengcheng x OC/reader

Genre: fluff, angst if you squint, royalty!au

Word Count: 5.9k

Life is difficult, especially when a military coup has overthrown your king. It doesn’t stop you from trying to topple them, though, even if you have to help from another kingdom altogether.

Masterlist

did i ever mention that fan chengcheng is a fatass mood

Things have been going well, Yanjun. I have a stable job and a place to live, and the Fan household is kind. The only things I lack are candles with which to write you these letters by.

I hope you are still alive and doing as well as you can. I hope the money I’m sending you is enough to do something. If only I could send these letters as well.

Don’t do anything stupid, Yanjun. If you do, I will find out, and I will find you, and I will bury you alive. Trust me. Your little sister isn’t completely helpless, and I’m stronger than I was a few years ago.

Wait for me. I love you and miss you. Please visit Father and Mother for me soon.

~~~

“Up late writing more letters?” Linkai asks, watching you yawn for the third time in a row.

“Not that late,” you protest. “Only for about half an hour this time.”

Xingjie shakes his head. “You go to sleep late anyway. You can’t keep staying up like this.”

You look up from the pot you’ve been scrubbing clean. “I don’t think you understand,” you say quietly. “It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.”

At that, Xingjie falls silent, probably a little embarrassed. You splash him with a little water. “It’s okay, Jie. I get that you’re worried for me. But until I know he’s alive, I won’t stop.” You pass the pot to Linkai to rinse and dry. “What’s next?”

“Wenjun told me you were assigned laundry and then to clean the young master’s room,” Zhangjing says, lugging along a sack of rice. You immediately go to help, picking up the end of the bag with a grunt. “Thanks, Liying,” he says gratefully.

“No problem, Zhangjing,” you say breathlessly, heaving the sack down in the pantry. “I’ll get going now. If you need any help, Wenjun will tell me.”

Laundry. You really hate laundry, because it prunes your fingers and makes them raw and pink so that they’re prone to bleeding at the slightest provocation, but at least you’re allowed to do your own laundry with the rest of the Fan household’s. You find a sack in the cleaning supplies closet, and then begin your long trek through all the bedrooms to collect dirty clothing.

The morning and some of the afternoon passes as you scrub laundry in the sunshine, pausing only for fifteen minutes to eat a small lunch. At one point, the young master and his friends come around and they say hi to you.

One thing that’s different about this kingdom is the kindness of the nobles, you think. Back in your home, the nobles, or at least most of them, were haughty and cold to their underlings. However, here, Fan Chengcheng and his friends treat you with kindness and a sort of tentative friendship that makes you feel a little more at ease.

Also, the nobles here are far more handsome than the ones back at home. Especially Chengcheng and his friends. Just saying.

Perhaps they’re all gods, you speculate as you wring out one of the master’s shirts. They’re all kind and good, and exceedingly handsome.

Well, it’s a theory. And it’s plausible. 

The clothes dry quickly in the hot sunshine, and before long, you’re loading them all back into the sack to put them away. “Just a few more hours,” you mumble to yourself.

You let your feet go on autopilot, losing yourself in your thoughts as your hands move automatically to put clothes away in the correct places. Finally, you’re in Chengcheng’s room.

As usual, it’s a fucking mess.

A lock of hair has come untied from your usual ponytail, so you tie it back up again with a sigh, surveying the chaos before you.

“Cheng, have you- oh, sorry Liying!” Zhengting comes running into the doorway, then stops short at seeing you clearing up the mess that is Chengcheng’s room. “This is how he leaves his room?” he asks you incredulously.

You turn around and shrug before continuing to sweep the floor free of bits of paper. “Yes, young master,” you reply.

Zhengting shakes his head in annoyance just as Chengcheng appears in the doorway. “What do you need, Ting? Oh, hello, Liying.”

“This is the state you keep your room in?” Zhengting immediately says, rounding on the younger boy.

Chengcheng pinks a little. “It’s not like you keep yours any better!” he counters, and you have to try not to laugh. “It’s okay, young masters,” you say, addressing the boys. “Go and do whatever it is you had to do.” Despite your best efforts, a little laugh escapes you as you turn back to cleaning the room.

The pieces of paper are slowly cleared away, the ink blots scrubbed off the wooden desk, the bed made with new sheets and the books on the shelf straightened. You linger on this last task, taking your time to read the spines and snatch a few words here and there.

Books. What wouldn’t you give to have all your books back again.

You finish cleaning Chengcheng’s room as the sun begins to set. You report to Wenjun, who asks you to help the cooks finish preparing dinner. Then, finally, you’re given the okay to go to sleep.

. . . . .

Did you visit Father and Mother? If you did, I hope you told them I miss them too. If you didn’t, understandable.

Have their headstones been destroyed yet? I hope not.

It’s selfish, but second only to you and them, I miss my books. I just want all my books back. Every time I clean the library or Fan Chengcheng’s room, I find myself lingering to read the spines of the books. I can’t help it!

I guess that would be my birthday wish for this year. That or good news from you.

You know, ever since Zhengting scolded Chengcheng, his room’s been a little cleaner. I still laugh every time I think about that. I miss your laugh.

I hope you’re doing well. I want to hear from you soon. Wait for me. Goodbye, brother.

~~~

Almost a year has passed since you first became a servant of the Fan household, and it’s your birthday. The day fills you with a bittersweet feeling, as it’s the first birthday you’ve experienced without your brother, and the first birthday you’ve spent in a foreign country. Still, Xingjie and Linkai remember, and they cobble together a small present for you.

It’s priceless in your eyes, the gift that they get for you. A small, torn book, but still readable and charming in its own right. They tell you they bought it with their own wages. You have a little trouble believing them, however, because it’s written in the old script.

The old script is only known and studied by the nobles and scholars of the kingdoms. The texts are priceless. However, perhaps the old bookstand owner didn’t realize just how much this small book would be worth. Either way, you don’t care that much. You’re enraptured by the worn pages and faded ink of the words.

You, of course, can read the old script. However, you have had to hide this skill ever since you came to the Fan estate so as to blend in with the rest of the servants. The book stays with you at all times, hidden in one of the pockets of your trousers.

You go through the days, cleaning, cooking, and scrubbing as usual for the pay given to you every week by Wenjun. Everything is normal, except for the fact that Fan Chengcheng seems to pay you a little more attention now. Whether it’s when you pass him in the halls or if he happens upon you when you’re washing clothing, he always dips his head in greeting and flashes you a little smile. That’s normal, but the frequency isn’t. It’s as though he tries to find you, but you’re pretty sure you’re just being stupid.

One day, you’re in the gardens, helping to pick the fruit off the top of the trees. No one is around since the old gardener trusts you not to fall and break your neck, so you hum to yourself in silence as you place the fruits in a basket.

“Good morning, Liying.”

You nearly fall off the tree in surprise, but you quickly grab onto a branch, steadying yourself. “Good morning, young master!” you call down.

Chengcheng smiles at you. “Mind if I take one?” he asks, gesturing to the basket of fruit. You shrug, dangling it down. “If you can reach!”

Chengcheng just manages to take one, appraising it in his hands before smiling at you again. You feel a small blush rising in your cheeks as you smile back.

“Thank you, Liying,” he says, waving.

“You’re welcome, young master.”

When he leaves, you have to take a moment to calm your rapidly beating heart. You sit on a sturdy branch, back leaning against the trunk, as you will the heat to leave your cheeks. It’s in that position that Xingjie finds you a little later, yelling for you to get down and help cook the noon meal.

In the midst of Xingjie lecturing you about not slacking off and teasing you about the young master, you don’t notice the absence of the little book in your pocket. At night, you realize its disappearance, but you can’t go back to find it at midnight. The next day, when you rush to the gardens in the early dawn hours, it’s not there.

The whole day, you retrace your steps from the day before to no avail.

The book is gone.

. . . . .

Yanjun, I’m terrible. I lost the book that Xingjie and Linkai gave me. They’ve been so kind about it that it makes me feel worse.

I’m so scared that someone will connect that book to me and find out that I’m not just a peasant. If that happens, I may be sent back home, and all my efforts would be fruitless.

Please be safe. If you’re dead, I don’t know what I’ll do. Please, wait for me. I have to come back to something.

~~~

It’s a pale-faced you that wanders the estate grounds throughout the week, going through the motions of living but constantly lost in worried thought. You do your best to put on a brave face when the young master and his friends come near, but you can only keep this façade on for so long.

Fan Chengcheng already looks suspicious, anyway. His eyes always seem to linger on you for a second too long when he greets you in the halls, and when he chances to come into his room while you’re cleaning, you can feel his gaze on you as you hurriedly sweep the floor.

Finally, you get a lucky break at the end of the week. Wenjun asks you to clean the library, and you jump at the opportunity to surround yourself with the comforting smell of old books.

Clouds of dust waft around you as you alternate between sneezing loudly and swiping the dusty wood and books. It makes you a little sad to see that the books are so unused.

You pull a particularly large book off a shelf, examining the title in rapture. You lean against the shelves, balancing as best you can on the stool you’re standing on, and impulsively open it to begin reading.

It’s a book of history, written by one of the most famous historians of the previous century. You’re so immersed that you do not notice when the young master enters the library, looking around curiously before alighting his eyes on you.

“Liying?”

You nearly fall off the stool in surprise, catching hold of the heavy bookshelf just in time. “Young master!” you gasp.

He walks over to stand over you and scrutinizes the book. You’re frozen. For a long, long moment, there is absolute silence.

“You’re not a regular servant, are you?” he finally asks.

“W-what do you mean?” you ask, eyes wide. Your mind is running with a thousand thoughts. What if you’re fired? What if you lose the mistress’s trust? What if you are sent to jail for overstepping your boundaries?

“You can read,” he states.

Play dumb.

You nod slowly. “Yes, I can read.” Most servants can.

“No,” he says more impatiently. “You can read the old script.”

Shit.

“Uh, no, I don’t, uh, I was just... looking because the words are prettier than modern script!” you stammer, snapping the book shut. Dust billows into a cloud and you sneeze.

When you look up, Chengcheng is just looking at you like “do you really think I’m dumb?

“Yes, I can read it,” you mumble.

He’s only looking at you, but his intense gaze paralyzes you and makes you speechless. You can’t move, you can’t speak. You can only stare at him. Uncomfortable tension fills the air between you.

“Cheng!”

Both of you start, you stumbling off the stool. Chengcheng catches your arm, looking at you with an unreadable expression. He lets go of you with a look that tells you he’s not done, and then walks out of the library.

You sink down, placing your face in your hands.

“Oh my god,” you mumble. “What have I done?”

. . . . .

Yanjun, I feel so lost. I don’t know what Chengcheng will do or what he will say.

What if I’m forced to return home? Or what if I lose this job? What if you end up waiting for nothing?

Yanjun, I’m sorry. I’m such a failure.

~~~

You can’t sleep that night, worried about all the terrifying possibilities that could happen, the worst being you getting fired. You’re pretty sure it’s not a capital offense for a peasant to be able to read the old script, but it’s a matter of honor to most of the nobles. If any of them caught wind of you being able to read, they might push a harsher sentence onto you.

Everything relies on Fan Chengcheng. He may tell, or he may not tell. You hope that it’s the latter, but you don’t know him well enough to say.

Xingjie eyes you suspiciously when you show up in the morning, but says nothing. You can feel waves of concern rolling off of him, but all you do is give him a weak smile. You’re pretty sure Linkai knows something’s up as well, but he acts normally, acting up and teasing you as you wash the breakfast dishes.

You trudge through the day, avoiding Fan Chengcheng as best you can. He’s with his friends, however, and they know you by name, so you have to avoid six people instead of just one.

The hours pass slowly until you’re finally going up to the servants’ quarters to sleep. You’re almost too tired to write Yanjun your daily letter, but you force yourself to pull out a piece of paper, your crude ink and brush, and you tiptoe to your usual writing place.

The candle you light is so dim you can barely see to write, and that’s probably why you don’t register someone walking towards you until you hear the crunching of leaves not far away. You go still, blowing out the candle quickly.

“Liying, I know it’s you,” a voice says. You scrunch up your face in annoyance and exasperation.

Just how many times can you fuck up in two days? And all in front of Fan Chengcheng? You stay silent.

He sits down next to you and lights up a larger lantern, putting the small flame of your candle to shame. You raise your eyebrows.

“Young master, it’s very improper for you to sit like this,” you say.

“Doesn’t matter. So,” he begins, “why are you, a noble, doing the work of servants?”

You bite your lip hard, unsure of how to answer. You don’t want to give yourself away, but you have to say something.

“I need money.” It’s not a lie.

“What for?” he asks.

What is this, an interrogation?

“Personal reasons.”

Chengcheng huffs, and you can dimly see the annoyed pout on his features. It’s cute. “You don’t plan on giving me a straight answer, do you?” he asks.

How do I respond to this? you wonder.

“Not until I trust you,” you finally answer.

At that, Chengcheng laughs. “Fair enough. Though, Liying, I think you can trust me.” He gets up, taking the lantern with him, leaving you enshrouded in darkness.

“Wait,” you say, something he said finally registering in your brain. The lantern stops moving. “How did you know I was a noble?”

“You can tell a lot about people from the way they speak and carry themselves,” Chengcheng says. “And the fact that you can read the old script certainly gives things away. Which reminds me.” A small something lands on your lap. Your fingers fumble with it, recognizing the wrinkled pages and worn cover of the gift Xingjie and Linkai gave to you. “I believe that is yours.”

You’re too shocked to reply.

. . . . .

Fan Chengcheng really confuses me, Yanjun. I’m grateful that I have my book back, but I’m still not sure if he’ll say anything. He hasn’t done anything yet, though, so I’m hoping he won’t.

Honestly, he’s a sweet person. He smiles at all of us servants and treats us nicely. I want to trust him, but it’s hard to know who’s trustworthy and who isn’t. Currently only Xingjie and Linkai know, and I don’t think I’ll be telling anyone anything anytime soon.

Stay safe. Wait for me.

~~~

It’s midnight. You have no candles, no source of light. Only the faint light of the moon guides you as you silently traverse the large estate, sneaking past guards to finally exit the grounds. Your feet take you instinctively to the tree where you meet the messenger.

“Dinghao,” you whisper. Said boy appears quickly, the moonlight illuminating his face. You set a pouch of coins into his hand. “Any updates?”

The usually smiley-faced boy nods seriously. “The fighting is escalating,” he whispers. “Yanjun was injured last time and he’s recovering.”

Your face is tight with worry. “That idiot,” you say fearfully.

“He says he misses you lots and that the money you send is doing much good for the rebellion,” Dinghao finishes.

You swallow. “Tell him that if he gets his ass hurt one more time, I’ll go back and punch him myself,” you say, allowing a tiny smile to creep onto your face. “Tell him I miss him too.”

“Will do,” Dinghao says with a grin. Then, just as quickly as he arrived, he’s melted into the shadows again.

. . . . .

You idiot. I told you not to get hurt. Lin Yanjun, mark my words, you’re going to get it when this whole fiasco is over. Just wait.

~~~

You carry that scrap of a letter with you the whole day as you march around, tight-lipped and white-faced. Linkai immediately guesses what’s wrong and tries to cheer you up, which helps a little bit, but not much.

Dinghao didn’t tell you how bad the injury was, just that he was recovering, and, caught up in the moment, you forgot to ask. This just makes you even more nervous and more scared for his life.

Things get to the point that Fan Chengcheng realizes something’s up when he sees you wringing out the clothes with more force than necessary. You also don’t smile when you wave to him and his friends.

“What’s up with Liying?” Zeren asks, glancing at you with narrowed eyes. “She seems upset.”

Chengcheng shrugs, but he makes up his mind to ask you later. Perhaps it has something to do with the letters you write late at night and your mysterious background.

You finish up work a little earlier than normal and you stalk through the halls, ready to throw yourself in bed and worry some more over Yanjun. Lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the ball of crumpled paper slip out of your trouser pockets.

“Liying,” a voice calls. You whip around to see Chengcheng holding up your crumpled letter. “You dropped this.”

You sigh, walking back to take it from him. “Thank you,” you say, but he doesn’t give it back. Instead, he uncrumples it, eliciting a slight gasp from you.

“Please-”

It doesn’t take him long to read the four sentences you scrawled on the paper in your worry and anger last night. He looks up wordlessly and hands you the paper.

You shove it back into your trousers, chewing the inside of your cheek in nervousness.

“Lin Yanjun,” he says quietly, as though trying to recall a long-forgotten memory. Then he snaps out of it, looking at you again. “Come with me.” You have no choice but to follow.

Once inside the empty room, he turns to you. “Are you related to the Lin family of the Alynthi kingdom?”

There’s no point in denying it. You nod, the fight leaving you.

“Are you here to escape the dictatorship there?” he asks.

You sigh, then nod again. “Yes.”

“Why would you need money if your family was one of the most powerful in Alynthi?”

“Fan Chengcheng,” you say, for once ignoring proper etiquette, “money gets used up quickly during wartime, and working here pays rather well.” You give him a small, slightly mocking bow.

Chengcheng laughs a little. “It’s quite easy to see you’re a noble when you act like this,” he says. You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion. “The grace of your movements, the simple yet eloquent way you speak. Observe your surroundings, Liying,” he says teasingly. “It’s not hard to tell the difference.”

You roll your eyes. “And this whole time I thought I was hiding myself pretty well,” you mutter.

A louder laugh escapes Chengcheng’s lips. “Don’t worry, my friends are dumb, and my parents are too busy to pay attention to these things. I think Minghao is the only one that’s caught on.”

More silence. Then, you speak. “Are you going to tell?” The words are quiet, but even and calm.

“No,” Chengcheng says, shaking his head. “Why would I?”

. . . . .

Fan Chengcheng is too smart. He made the connection between your name and the Lin family and had me outed in a flash. Thankfully he said he wouldn’t tell.

I hope he’s telling the truth.

Get better. I’m still going to kick your ass when I get back, I promise. Just wait. I will.

~~~

Now that Fan Chengcheng shares your secret, you find yourself more relaxed around him. More often than not, you find him in his room when you come into clean, alone or with his friends. Instead of just leaving like he normally did before, he stays and talks to you if his friends aren’t there.

You talk about nothing and everything, topics ranging from favorite books to food and eventually to family. It’s a touchy subject for both you and him- both of you are separated from your siblings, and though his parents aren’t dead, neither are particularly close to him.

“Do you miss your sister?” you ask one day, pausing in putting his clothes away in the closet.

Chengcheng’s lying on his unkempt bed, reading a book. He sighs. “Yes.”

“What was she like?” you prompt, turning around to him.

A slight scowl comes over his face, replaced by an expression of annoyance and then a slight smile. You snicker. His expressiveness never fails to amuse you.

“You remind me of her,” he finally says. “She was brave-”

“Brave?” you ask, bemused.

“Yes, brave.” Chengcheng puts down the book, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “How many people would risk their lives to go to a new country with nothing just to support a rebellion back home?” He picks it back up, hiding his face behind the pages.

“Well, when you put it that way, it sounds a lot more heroic,” you mumble.

“Take credit for your actions, Liying. Anyway, Bingbing was also nice, annoying, and intelligent. I couldn’t hide anything from her.”

“Me? Annoying?” you ask in mock offense, placing a dramatic hand on your chest. “I’m offended.”

“Yes, annoying.” Chengcheng sticks his tongue out at you, and you roll your eyes, placing the last shirt back in its place. “What was your brother like?”

“A cocky bitch,” is the first thing that comes out of your mouth, making Chengcheng choke in laughter. “But smart. Expressive. A flirt, I guess, but not overly so. Annoying, just like you-” Chengcheng gasps dramatically, the book falling from his hand to the floor- “but loving.”

“Would I get along with him?” Chengcheng asks. You have to think on this one. “Probably, if you didn’t do anything stupid,” you say. “Why?”

“Curiosity.” He shrugs, picking the book back off the ground. You pick up the broom, ready to sweep. “What are you even reading?” you ask.

“The book you were reading when I caught you.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You don’t strike me as the type of person who likes to read,” you say.

Chengcheng looks over the book at you. “I don’t really, but you seem to like to read a lot so I figured I’d give it a try.”

You don’t know why but that sentence makes you blush pink. “Then what do you like to do?”

Chengcheng sighs. “Dance, talk with my friends. Play piano. Father says I’m going to have a hell of a time running this estate if I don’t find a sensible wife.”

You snicker. “Sensible wife?”

“I’m okay with numbers but apparently I spend too much time on music and I lack common sense,” Chengcheng grumbles.

You laugh harder, leaning against the broom. A brush comes flying at your head, and you duck. “Shut up!” Chengcheng whines.

It’s moments like these where you realize just how much you like and care for the young master. You’d be ecstatic if he felt the same way about you, but there’s no way to confirm it and no way you could act on these feelings in your current situation.

. . . . .

I’m hearing rumors that the dictatorship is about to collapse. Stay safe. Don’t be stupid. I’m waiting for news.

~~~

You have a dream one night. You’re walking in the gardens of your old estate back at home, but there’s someone with you. It isn’t your brother, and you’re pretty sure it’s Chengcheng. That dreamy thought is confirmed when he turns to you, and you can see his face.

He laughs at something you’ve said- you have no idea what- and you look down, and he’s holding your hand. In your dream though, it’s like this occurrence is normal. You’re not even blushing.

Just as you feel the morning waking you up, Chengcheng leans down and places his lips on yours in a fleeting kiss.

You sit up with a jolt, looking around wildly before you realize you’re in the servants’ quarters and that none of what you dreamed actually happened. You will your racing heart to calm down as you stumble to the washroom.

You’re in a daze as the hours pass, feet taking you everything you need and hands doing everything you’re assigned, but your thoughts wander near and far, blush rising in your cheeks every time you think of the young master.

It takes all of your willpower not to collapse in a squiggly mess when you talk to Chengcheng as you clean his room, though you’re pretty sure you haven’t managed to completely get rid of the pink tint on your face.

And you’re correct, you haven’t. Chengcheng notices, and he smiles a little to himself behind the thick book he’s reading.

. . . . .

It’s over, isn’t it? You won’t have to wait much longer.

~~~

There isn’t much to do today, so you, Xingjie, and Linkai get some free time before the sun goes down. You’re walking around the gardens, and Linkai nearly pushes you into one of the ponds before Xingjie manages to pull you away.

As you’re berating the grinning boy, you hear someone running along the path. He yells something that you can’t quite hear, then runs off elsewhere.

You look at your friends, totally confused. “Is he insane?” you ask.

“Dunno, but I want to know what he’s saying,” Linkai says. “Let’s follow him!” He runs off, and you have no choice but to follow him.

It takes you a little while to find the guy, but you finally catch a glimpse of him running past the library doors. He opens his mouth to yell something again.

“Alynthi’s dictatorship has been toppled!” he yells.

You stop short, his words paralyzing you. Xingjie looks at you, face worried.

“Is it true?” Your voice is hardly more than a whisper. “Is it true?”

Your feet unconsciously move, faster and faster, and soon you’re running to catch up to the man. “Is it true?” you ask, gasping. “The dictator is gone?”

“Yes, miss, it is true!” he replies, his eyes elated. “Now I must go to inform the rest of the household!” And he’s off, leaving you shell-shocked on the grass.

It’s over.

It’s over.

It’s over.

Those two words repeat themselves in your brain over and over and over, and your head feels light and you feel dizzy, and your legs are buckling and you’re not sure how long you can keep standing-

The last thing you remember before the consuming darkness is someone shouting your name.

. . . . .

I’m coming back, Yanjun. Wait for me.

~~~

You wake up later in a clean, white bed, sheets tucked neatly around you. Someone sits next to you, and with a start, you realize that it’s Chengcheng, sleeping.

You try to sit up, and your motion must startle him awake because he jolts up, eyes showing relief when he sees your eyes are open.

“Water,” you croak. He grabs a glass off a nearby table and hands it to you. You take a long drink. “Why are you here?” you ask.

“You collapsed when you heard the news, so Xingjie and I carried you here,” he says, playing with his fingers. There’s a long moment of silence.

“Are you going to leave now?” he asks quietly. You know he’s not referring to staying in the infirmary.

You shrug. “Maybe not now, but soon,” you reply. “When I do, please tell your parents for me.” Silence falls again.

Chengcheng suddenly encloses your hand in his. You gasp and instinctively try to pull your hand away, but he holds on. “Let me stay like this,” he whispers. “Just for now.” The playful Chengcheng you knew is gone for moment, replaced by a serious and sad face.

You relax into his hold, even leaning your head against his shoulder as the minutes pass.

When dawn comes, neither of you wants to let go.

. . . . .

Two days later, there’s an uproar in the Fan household when you simply disappear from servants’ quarters at night. Two other servants disappear that same night as well, without so much as a note.

Chengcheng knows where you’ve gone, of course. He suffers quietly, telling only his parents and friends. They look at him with concern as he goes through the days in silence, waiting for anything from you. Just a sign that you’re safe.

Then, a month later, a letter arrives for him, written on a strip of fine paper.

I’m safe, Cheng. Just wait for me. I’ll come back.

. . . . .

- A year later -

Fan Chengcheng is annoyed and pissed. He’s told his parents he doesn’t want this, but of course they go against his wishes and do it anyway. He glares at the mirror as a servant makes last minute adjustments to his outfit.

A year has gone by since you left his estate. A whole year, and you’ve only sent one letter to him. He pouts unconsciously at the thought. He’s waited so long.

And now, for his coming-of-age birthday, he’s required to choose a wife out of all the noble girls in attendance of his party. A nauseating feeling comes over him, and Zeren snickers from where he’s sitting on Chengcheng’s bed, talking with Quanzhe.

“You’ll be fine, Cheng,” Zhengting says soothingly. Chengcheng doesn’t deign to reply.

He doesn’t know how dense his parents are to not have noticed that he only cares about you. He doesn’t want to marry any of the other noble girls around. Just you. But no, they promised him that they’d only pick the best and allow them to the party. Like that even mattered to him.

In his eyes, you’re the best. No one else matters.

When he enters the party, he plasters on a small, polite smile to mask his confusion over the fact that all the girls are wearing masks. He can’t figure out who most of them are, though he does manage to identify Mei Xu and a couple of others who are known for their ostentatiousness.

Talking, drinking, eating. Chengcheng feels himself getting more and more miserable with every minute that passes, despite his friends’ best efforts to cheer him. He does his best to be polite to the girls, but it’s so hard. He can’t even bring himself to dance with more than a couple. Finally, the party is almost over, and he’s called to stand in the front of the room so that all the girls can reveal theirselves.

There are two lines of girls, and they are each escorted forward, one at a time, by a male family member before they curtsy and take off their mask so that he can see who they are. Polite smiles, polite smiles, he keeps telling himself each time another girl takes off her mask and it isn’t you.

Finally, there are only two girls left. He hasn’t spoken to either of them the entire night, but Chengcheng can feel the slight hope he had draining out of his body with each second that passes.

A girl with a rosy red dress and gold mask is escorted forward by her father and introduces herself as Lang Yujin, daughter of the Lang house. Chengcheng nods and smiles mechanically, trying to catch a glimpse of the last girl in line. She’s too far back, however, so he just gives up. He fiddles with the ring he was told to give to the girl he chose.

The last girl steps forward, an elegant but simple turquoise garment covering her body. Her mask is blue, ornamented with gold. Chengcheng feels like he sees your grace in her movements, but he dares not hope in case that hope is shattered.

A handsome young man that Chengcheng doesn’t recognize escorts her forward, introducing himself as her brother. Chengcheng remembers that your parents are both dead, so if you were here, your brother would be the one to escort you. However, he doesn’t say his name, so Chengcheng is left wondering.

The girl curtsies deeply, then raises her hands to pull off the mask. Chengcheng finds himself holding his breath, hoping, hoping for a miracle.

As though in slow motion, the girl removes the mask gracefully, then lifts her face to gaze at him.

Chengcheng can’t breathe.

“Good evening, young master Fan,” you say as smoothly as you can, a slight waver in your voice, a hint of a smile on your face. “I am Lin Liying, daughter of the Lin house of Alynthi.”

[openlockswhoeverknocks]

McKittrick May/June Highlights

Well then, I didn’t think I’d return to the Mckittrick so soon after my trip in April. I wasn’t meant to go back until late July for my birthday but every once in a while, fate has a different idea than yours and you have to change your plans. It’s taken me longer than usual to sit down and do my highlights but here they go in no particular order.  I have a feeling this is going to be long but enjoy!

- Being greeted with such warmth by Maximilian and Hazel on my first show back and feeling like I’d never left. 

- Wandering down to the high street at reset after spending the start of the show up on 5th and seeing Mallory’s wirlwind Hecate causing havoc. 

- The beautiful combination that is Molly’s Nurse and Virginia’s Matron. They feed off each other’s mood and energy so well. 

- Seeing Virginia’s Matron in the hut on my first show back and smiling from ear to ear because for a good while she would always be in the hut on my first day back. 

- Ryan’s sexy witch running and dancing around like the whole building is her playground and the huge contrast from that to her Rep Bar solo where she is in complete distress and broken.

- Erin’s cool and collected Hecate and her sly side looks and smiles to her accomplices. 

- EJB’s Porter and how hard he tries to keep his game face on but ultimately fails.

- Bickering with a couple of the Men in Bar all the time. All. The. Time.

- A certain Man in Bar doing his pre-lift speech saying “From now on, there will be no more talking... Though I know it will be difficult for some of you” and giving me a pointed look across the room. I gasped in complete and genuine outrage at that. 

- Ida’s Lady Macbeth and her cold ruthlessness. She exudes power and control more than any other Lady Macbeth I’ve seen. Oh and her dancing. INCREDIBLE.

- Ida’s Macbeth mad walk down the high street.  I could watch it every loop, every night. 

- Matron having no letters to fold down on third and having to somehow occupy her time while Nurse meticulously folded a single towel for ages. 

- Jenna’s sexy witch and her shameless flirting with everyone. So good. 

- My absolute dream pairing of Ida’s Nurse and Virginia’s Matron happening again and it being everything I ever wanted and expected. The dynamic between the two of them was brilliant. 

- Ida’s super efficient and professional Nurse only ever showing small signs of weakness when caught unawares. 

- Kacie’s calm and relatively collected Nurse and the way she seemed more aware of the white masks around her than other Nurses seem to be. 

- Virginia’s Hecate and the terrifying glares she gave people if they stepped on her dress.

- Virginia’s Hecate directing the rave with such glee and power that I wanted to be her for a minute or two.  - Matron looking genuinely worried at the blood on my hand during the 1:1 and eventually realising it wasn’t real blood. 

- Adam’s Taxi having the perfect combination of creepy, angry and sometimes even funny.

- Adam’s Taxi offering a sweet to one of the bird skeletons at the beginning of the loop and then moving the sweet to give it to the turkey later on since the bird didn’t eat it. 

- Adam’s Taxi taking drawing out a piece of skeleton or whatnot and then talking to said piece of skeleton and showing it its portrait before pinning it on the wall.

- Adam’s Taxi going to town destroying the third floor cemetery with such satisfaction and malice.

- And finally, in the Adam Taxi section, seeing the 5th floor solo for the first time ever!

- Tim’s neurotic Porter wanting to be things just so. He really did not like the dangly light switches on the green lamps moving around. 

- Tim Porter’s extreme sadness only really showing in the 1:1, making it that much more intense.

- The night when Boy Witch became Macduff, Porter became Boy Witch and a different Porter appeared. 

- The night when Banquo was pretty much AWOL and only ever appeared for the Ballroom and Banquet scenes. 

- Camara’s beautifully sad matron and how resigned she is to her fate. 

- Tina’s Matron being terrified of the thunder and being constantly in motion because of her anxiety. 

- Seeing Evelyn Grey as Woman in Bar for a show and forgetting how good she is at making everything sound dirty. 

- Delivering notes left, right and centre.

- Going up to 5th to check who was in the hut and seeing Mallory in there. Spending a whole hour with her and relishing every moment after not having seen her in the role for over a year. 

- the PIB being disappointed if I showed up in Manderley without a candy delivery. 

- Mallory’s Matron doing less 1:1s and constantly doing something interesting in the hut which made it super hard to leave her. 

- Getting grabbed on the stairs by Hecate for a walkdown after having spent a whole loop with her earlier on in the show. 

- Jenna’s Bald witch and her great combination of sheer power and charm. She’s added so many little touches that make the role unique to her. 

- Wanting to spend every minute of the show with Molly’s Bald but being sensible and just doing the standard loop.

- The Bald Witch Ballroom solo. I could genuinely watch that on repeat for a whole show. 

- Finally meeting and talking properly with Lola and having my cards read by her.

- Jenna’s wonderfully weird and intense Danvers. I’d missed her so much in that role.

- Lindsey’s gorgeous Lady Macduff. I haven’t been as touched by a Lady Macduff’s performance in a good while. She’s so sad and innocent and her dancing was out of this world. 

- Ryan’s Lady Macbeth making an appearance and seeing how much she’s improved and made the role her own. She has a constant vulnerability that makes her so much more human and easier to relate to. 

- The way Ryan just gives 1000% in everything she does and being constantly in awe of her and her talent. Her dancing as Lady Macbeth was incredible. Especially as she starts to become unhinged and she let her body do all the story telling. 

- Virginia’s Hecate raising eyebrows at audience during the rave as if saying “you got a problem with any of this?”

- Being whisked away to the 6th floor in the middle of a Nurse loop after I tried i be clever and take a shortcut.

- Molly’s Nurse getting up to so many wonderfully weird things up on 5th. I never knew what I’d find her doing when I got up there.

- Andrea’s childlike Nurse and finding her trying to pick up a peg with her foot and looking so very satisfied with herself when she managed it. 

- Ginger’s matron going from strange and playful to grave and sad in the space of a few minutes. 

- Kit and Calloway causing havoc in Manderley. 

- Finding out Calloway’s super power and him demonstrating it. 

- Somehow keeping up a conversation with Calloway and Hazel for a whole happy hour. 

- The way Ruth portrayed Agnes with a lovely innocence I haven’t seen in a while, and the way she seemed resigned to keep a game face on in public and not show any vulnerability if she could help it. 

- The way Ruth’s agnes puckered her nose when smelling the drink Speakeasy offered her and her reaction after drinking it. 

- Ruth’s Bald Witch Ballroom solo and the way the power built and built as the solo went on. 

- The way Virginia’s matron always plays off and matches the vibe of whoever her Nurse is and the way she always, ALWAYS changes things up slightly depending on her Matron’s mood, the audience and the general circumstances.

- The night we had Cordelia, Kit and Colette in Manderley. 

- Having my cards read by Kit and Colette joining in on the reading and then Cordelia joining in too because she felt left out. 

- Kacie’s seemingly more gentle and flirty Bald Witch showing her power through her dancing.

- Spending so long talking to the lovely Lola that I missed a whole chunk of the show and never made it back in on my last show but it was wonderful. 

- Evelyn Grey’s reactions to my really bad jokes. 

- Washing my hair and being quite happy with what it was doing despite the humidity only to have Lady Macbeth smear it with blood during the show. 

- Accepting the fact I cannot hide and will be recognised no matter where I stand. 

- Feeling overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness in the hotel and the way the McKittrick seems to know exactly what you need from a show before you know what you need. 

This is way too long now so I apologise and well done for getting this far if you read it all. As usual, feel free to ask for more specific details if you want to and chip in with opinions etc too. 

 I always enjoy writing these because they bring back so many vivid memories and I love sharing my love for this strange and wonderful show. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

[kovacissues]

There’s No Way I’m Falling (Dejan fic) Chapter 11

A/N: Honestly, I can write this fanfic the rest of my life so let me know if you want me to stop haha. I just remembered how much I loved reading longass fanfics that lasted like a year when I was younger haha. 

You can find my writing HERE! also feel free to ask me to write fanfics about other players. 

Chapter 11: You think you need makeup for that!?

Mimi woke up in a shock by her alarm clock and panicked when she realized Dejan had hit snooze in his sleep… 6 times! “Hijo de…” she said and slapped him lightly “The airport!” She screamed at him and he also woke up.

“What airport?” he said, clearly sleepy.

God she was so annoyed at him now “Anita is leaving today, and you have to be at the airport so the kids can say bye” she explained, almost as if he was a child. “Also, I have to go to work so If you want me to drive you have to get your sexy ass out of bed”.

She got up, got dressed (In jeans overalls and a cute top), and did her hair and makeup. “Why are you putting on makeup? You never do that before work…” Dejan said as he hugged her from behind. she loved the domestic sense of their relationship so much, and the hugs while she was doing stuff around the apartment was her drug.

“well I’m interviewing Moreno and damn I could need myself a Spanish man” she stated and watched him holding her way closer with his hands on her belly. “Oh look at my protective baby daddy”

“Be serious Mimi… me and Dejan number two and three don’t want to share you with anyone” he whispered in her ear and Mimi swore to God that if they hadn’t been late already she would have done so many things with him.

“I’m honestly just trying to look better than Anita” she eventually confessed, causing Dejan to fall to the floor laughing.

“You… you think… you… you think you need makeup for that!?” he managed to ask through his laughter. As a response to that Mimi kicked his shin and walked out to her car, having Dejan follow her, limping slightly.

When they had finally gotten to the car, she looked over at him “Why don’t you have a car right now? I forgot to ask” Her eyes glistened with amusement.

“Drunk driving… I wasn’t thinking straight” he explained and looked away from her.

“Everyone makes mistakes, also You didn’t get out of your own driveway, so you couldn’t have done much harm” she started to laugh as she drove

“How did you… Salah” he muttered and pouted.

*Dejan’s POV*

When they got to the airport, he looked over at Noémie and felt a smile over his face. “thank you for driving me here, have fun with your interview” he said and kissed her quickly “But not too much fun” he warned with a wink before he walked into the airport and Mimi left.

He had to stop before entering the airport, mostly because he needed to take a deep breath before seeing her again. His mind spun from how hard he had loved her once, how she was the light of his life, and how today he had no love for her. He felt that the only reason he wanted her in his life was because his kids needed their mom.

Upon walking into the airport he instantly saw her, mostly because in his mind sinister music started playing every time he was near her. He also felt as though she had a huge sign over her head stating that the devil incarnated was indeed her, and very much present. He shook of those thoughts and walked over to them hugging his children tight.

“Tata! I miss you” his son Josip said, and it pained Dejan that he had heard that one too many times lately. He picked up his son and gave him a lot of kisses all over his face before putting him down and doing the exact same with Elena.

“I missed you two too! I love you so much!” he told them and they both smiled so wide which warmed his heart. Then he turned to his ex-wife, who he swore had the evilest smile on earth. “Anita…” he simply said and nodded at her.

“Dejan…” she replied, her words full of venom. Dejan swore to God he liked her less by the second, he couldn’t even remember how he had ever loved this monster.

She eventually said bye to the kids and walked through security, leaving Dejan with the car keys and two bawling kids. He felt like the worst person on earth trying to soothe the kids before getting them out to the car, still crying.

The drive back to the house was torturous for him as the kids only took breaks from crying to scream about how they missed their mom already. Had they been the same towards Anita all those times he was gone? Wait, did he feel sorry for her? When they finally entered the house, he made them their favorite food to try to cheer them up.

“Who wants waffles?” he asked and they both came running to the kitchen, their crying completely disappearing as they dug in to the food. “You like it?” he asked and both of them nodded, with slight smiles on their faces.

---

After a couple of hours of watching movies and cuddling with the children, the doorbell rang and Dejan immediately remembered that he had forgotten to tell the kids Mimi was coming over. However he had no time explaining it now, so he just hurried to the door and opened it revealing Mimi standing in the rain, drenched.

“Can I come in?” she asked while stammering. “It’s hella cold here” she added before he took a step to the side to let her in.

“I forgot to tell them you were coming… but it will be okay” he told her before giving her a quick peck on the lips.

She looked at him and he couldn’t tell what she felt, he usually read her like an open book but not that day. “I hope so… also Alberto is an absolute love, he’s so sweet and made my job way easier than what you and Mo do” she finally said, adding a wink at the end. “Also, his birthday… finally I have a name to put on my calendar for July 5th” she stated and he actually felt jealous.

“You… you didn’t have a name there before?” he asked, feeling pathetic for being so insecure.  

“Wait… should I?” she asked with a grin, and Dejan realized she was teasing him. He just rolled his eyes and covered up everything with a laugh before showing her to the living room.

“Kids! I have someone here that I would like you two to meet” he introduced her, making their head shoot towards them and Josip’s eyes opened wide.

“Oh my fudging God! It bootifull woman!” he stated and ran towards her, hugging her tight. Watching this made his heart skip a beat and he felt a tear roll down his cheek. “Sorry for hitting you with ball” he said and Mimi said something to him but Dejan couldn’t hear it.

He looked over at Mimi and smiled “This is Noémie… or Mimi… you can say either” he told them and Elena stayed in her place, nodding slightly. “She’s my…” He struggled with what to say so he just looked at Mimi with help me written all over his face.

“I’m his girlfriend” she said with a warm smile that could melt any heart in the world. Also she said girlfriend, his heart was beating so fast and he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

“I want mama… not that” Elena eventually said, crushing his mood more effectively than a wrecking ball destroyed buildings.

As he was trying to realize what had happened, Elena had already started running towards her room in a crying fit. “Babe, can you watch Josip for a while? I really have to handle this” he asked Mimi and she looked up from her conversation with his son to nod enthusiastically.

He quickly walked over to Elena’s room and knocked on the door but got no answer, so he took his freedom as a dad and entered, finding her on her bed crying into a pillow. “Love… I get that you miss your mom” he tried, and she tossed one of her teddies after him.

“I don’t want new one!” she screamed and got back to the crying. He felt hopeless by now, he didn’t know what to tell the 6 years old. He just sat down at her bed and started playing with her hair, that used to calm her down when she was smaller.

“I’m not trying to replace your mom, not for you… Noémie doesn’t want to take you away from her… I really love her, Elena” He tried to explain it, unsure of where all the words came from. It seemed his explanation helped a little as the girl turned around and hugged him. “She is never gonna be your mom, but give her a chance okay? Let her at least be your extra mom” he said with a little smile and Elena looked up at him.

“I won’t like her… Josip will, but I no” she told her dad and pouted a little. “But I give her a chance, if that help you” she added and Dejan laughed a little.

“You’re so cute, you know that?” he asked and she nodded proudly. “I love you Elena, and you will like Mimi, trust me” he said with a smile which was met by a skeptical look from the little one.

“love you too tata” she replied and kissed his cheek. “can we have pizza today?” she asked after a while and he smiled and shrugged his shoulders as if to say maybe.

---

*Mimi’s POV*

Mimi followed Dejan into the living room with a little more hesitation in her steps than usual. “Kids! I have someone here that I would like you two to meet” he said, and instantly all eyes were on her, his son’s eyes even opened wide at the sight of her.

“Oh my fudging God! It bootifull woman!” he almost shouted and before she could think his little leg was carrying him towards her, hugging her tight. She instantly felt calmer about meeting them. “Sorry for hitting you with ball” he said, and she smiled at him.

“It’s okay, at least you didn’t tackle me” she said with a grin, causing Josip to laugh. Mimi swore to God that was the cutest and most sincere laughter she had ever heard, like a mini version of Dejan’s

She suddenly felt  Dejan’s eyes at her again before he introduced her for real. “This is Noémie… or Mimi… you can say either” He took a little break, his face looking like he was thinking hard about something. “She’s my…” Once again, he looked at her but this time their eyes met and he looked at her with a desperation to get help.

“I’m his girlfriend” she finally said, flashing a sincere smile at the kids. Maybe she defined them too fast? No, she had just met the kids, he means this is serious too… and they’re having twins together, doesn’t really get more serious than that.

“I want mama… not that” Elena eventually said, and Mimi’s heart dropped so fast it was almost audible. Her biggest fear was that the kids wouldn’t like her at all. She decided, however, to start a conversation with Josip about how cool his t-shirt was and he could proudly tell her it was his dad’s clothing line, Rock Filius.

She hardly noticed that Elena had run to her room crying, before Dejan snapped her out of her conversation. “Babe, can you watch Josip for a while? I really have to handle this” he asked her and she nodded, maybe a bit too enthusiastically, before she turned back to Josip.

“Don’t Worry, pretty woman… I luuuuv you already!” Josip stated and kissed her cheek, making Mimi smile wide and hug the boy.

They had probably talked for at least half an hour when Mimi felt something soft hitting her head “Dry clothes, Sorry I didn’t give you earlier” Dejan stated, while holding Elena in his arms. “we’re gonna go make pizza, want to help Josip? Mimi has to go change” he then asked his son and he ran to the kitchen, screaming in joy.

“Really? Rock Filius t-shirt… male… and a shorts… Dejan this is your size!” Mimi whined but he just winked at her “Can I at least get a hoodie?” she asked and he shrugged.

“My closet is your closet” he simply said before giving her directions to his room and she went to change.

[nickireadstfc]

The King’s Men, Chapter 8 – Baby, Now We Got Bad Blood

In which Neil’s birthday surprise bloody sucks, I have opinions about the Terrapins’ naming choices, Matt is too good for this world, and the Twinyard’s first attempt at Actual Human Interaction doesn’t quite go as planned.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

(This is a longass chapter and lots of shit happens, so this is a longass update. I’m sorry in advance.)

             Neil flipped his phone open to stare at the date. It was Friday, January 19th. “Neil Josten” was supposed to turn twenty on March 31st. Today Nathaniel Wesninski turned nineteen years old.

OH SHIT IT’S HIS BDAY!!! HAPPY BIRBDAY MY BOY!!!!!

And we almost made it in time as well! 12 days late, but still – happy late birthday, my dude.

Actual footage of my baking disaster ass making a cake for our birthday boy.

Sadly though, Neil doesn’t care much for his birthday, and because he tragically keeps his mouth shut about it for most of the chapter, neither can anyone else.

I love birthdays. How dare you deprive me of some good good festivity. This is a gosh darn shame, Josten.

             Neil knew he went to his classes, but he didn’t learn anything. He wrote down what his teachers said but didn’t absorb a single word.

In other news, when will Neil in uni stop being such a goddamn #MOOD.

Exam season is hitting me hard right now folks, and while I’m tryinfg to play catch-up on my notes this just feels like an unnecessary callout post to my lazy past self.

In other other news – it’s time for Orange Sportsball again!

Our Foxes are playing a home game against Belmonte which, if you’ll all kindly remember, resulted in The Most Epic Move Andrew Has Ever Pulled, Ever last time we played them.

So, you know, no pressure.

Before Neil can pop a boner about being on an actual game court again though, he has a little birthday surprise waiting for him, and it’s, well, how do I put this –

A bloody hell of a situation.

             It exploded in his locker, triggered by the door opening, and Neil recoiled as it cascaded over everything insde. (…) The bag looked big enough to hold at least two gallons; it was more than big enough to destroy every single piece of gear Neil owned.

WHAT THE FUCK.

For all y’all non-American folks, two gallons are about 7.5 litres. SEVEN POINT FIVE LITRES.

For further reference, that’s about as much as would fit in this bucket.

Yeah.

THAT’S A FUCKLOAD OF BLOOD.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

             Neil wrenched the broken bag off the hook. When he turned to throw it Andrew caught his wrist. Neil hadn’t even heard Andrew cross the room toward him. (…)

             “It’s ruined,” Neil said, voice ragged with an awful rage. “It’s all ruined.”

Yup – his entire gear, complete with helmet and shoes, now looks like it played a supporting role in the Red Wedding, and really took on some method-acting for it.

But we’re not done here, oh hot diggity shit no.

             Matt’s startled voice echoed off the bathroom walls. “What the hell?” (…)

             Written in blood across the tile was a bold message: “Happy 19th Birthday, Jr.”

OH SHIT.

OH SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

DAD’S HOME, FOLKS.

I am decidedly NOT FUCKING LIKING THIS.

I don’t even want to think about what this means.

If this is the Raven’s doing (which was what I thought about the blood), then that means they’re more in touch with Daddy Wesninski than we thought, which is super bad.

If this is Daddy Wesninski’s own doing, then he’s way more in touch with Getting Revenge On Neil than we thought, which is super super bad.

Either way –

(I also immediately regret calling Wesninski Senior ‘Daddy’. Please remind me to bleach my eyes at the next convenient time.)

             He grabbed the fledgling sense of panic and buried it deep, the same way he’d smothered his broken heart long enough to burn his mother’s body. He would have to react to this later, but if he did it now with all of the Foxes as his witnesses he was going to lose everything.

And bury it he does – Neil, that badass motherf*cker, just buries oh, y’know, the realization that his childhood abuser and indirect killer of his mother is figuratively right behind him,  somewhere in his brain and moves the fuck on.

What a dude.

             “Can you play?” Kevin asked.

             “I’m pissed off, not injured,” Neil snapped. “I’m not going to let this keep us from winning tonight. Are you?

GO GET EM, MY BOY.

WHAT A DUDE.

             “I will give you one chance tonight,” Wymack said. “If I think your head isn’t in the game, I will pull you so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

HSM basketball gifs will never not be appropriate for this team.

In the cleanup process of the Bloody Hell of a Situation, Matt steps out to grab some underwear for a half-naked Neil, and when he comes back he takes the opportunity to remind us all again what a genuinely great character he is – lest we forget.

             Neil opened the door just far enough to realize it was Matt in the hallway and was startled into saying, “You knocked?” (…)

             It wasn’t the first time the Foxes had gone out of their way to accommodate Neil#s privacy issues, but they usually had time to think it through. Matt was late for warm-ups because of Neil and shaken by Riko’s awful trick. Despite that he’d remembered not to barge in.

Matt, you sweet considerate spikey black Billie Joe Armstrong, LET ME LOVE YOU.

And now that Neil is all suited and booted (and had his anger horn tooted), let’s fucking go.

             The ghost of [the blood incident] egged him to go harder and faster. Kevin didn’t warn him to scale back, and they crashed into their backliner with an unusual aggression.

To the Foxes, what the fuck is unusual aggression?? Instantly fucking murdering a dude right there on the field?

“Unusual Agression” is pretty much those guys’ team motto, folks.

Unsurprisingly, our Foxy Sportsball Squad totally rules the following game, no biggie.

Nothing like a bit of blood, childhood trauma and accidental nudity to get fired up before a big game.

             Two minutes later, the Foxes got the chance they needed. A Terrapin striker got around Matt and raced at the goal. (…) Andrew was outside of his box in a heartbeat, and he body-checked the striker hard enough to floor him.

GET REKT.

Also, to remind y’all non-Native English speakers (like me) what a Terrapin is, it’s these cute lil fellas.

Not exactly a threatening opponent.

Not so much a fast one either. Who the fuck thought that naming choice was a good idea, like “yeah, sure, let’s call our skilled Sportsball team after fucking turtles”.

The Team of Poor Naming Choices gets what they deserve, in any case – the Foxes run right over them and celebrate an epic 8-5 victory.

             Wymack and Abby were waiting for them, Wymack with a toothy grin and Abby all smiles.

I love me some supportive Fox Parents.

However, the party is pretty much over instantly as the Foxes are back on their infighting bullshit.

             Allison (…) kept her eyes on Neil. “I’ve hit the limit of what bullshit I’ll tolerate this week, let alone this year. I need to know how much worse this pissing contest between you and Riko is going to get.”

Can we have literally….. 5 seconds of happy celebratory peace up in this bitch, thank you.

At least Wymack feels me.

             “I’m instigating a new rule where everyone is required to be happy after a win. You downers are going to suck the life out of me before my time.”

Thank you, my man.

Allison is kind of right, though – they do need to really fucking talk about this.

             “First off: the massacred elephant in the room. Massacred birds, rather. I called in a favour with the faculty and got Abby access to the microscopes in the science labs.”

Oh, that is morbid.

If that Bloody Hell of a Situation was the Ravens’ doing, then that is the most macabre symbolism I’ve seen in a while.

If it was Wesninski Sr’s – then I don’t want to think about the symbolism, quite frankly.

Which reminds me of an interesting point: Everyone is automatically assuming Riko did this. This makes sense considering almost no one knows of the existence of Neil’s dad, but Neil does not only seem to be playing along, but he seems to have the same opinion. The writing on the wall clearly said “Junior” – why isn’t he considering the fact that it could have just as well been his dad?

Obviously, don’t get me wrong here, knowing their power situation Riko/Tetsuji are still behind all of it and would know of what Neil’s dad is doing to Neil. But to me, this doesn’t sound like Riko’s style. Gallons of blood set up like a crude school prank and words written in blood – this sounds much more like a man who calls himself The Butcher than a rich sleek featherfucker.

Unsurprisingly, Neil isn’t exactly a fan of presenting his entire life story to his team. However, a certain someone who is still massively Salty™ at Neil for ratting him out to his girlfriend intervenes.

             “They’ll never find proof that Riko was involved in this,” Aaron said, “but they might find you, right? (…) Your looks, your languages, your lies – you’re running from something or someone.”

Ohhhhhhhhhh shit.

This is CALLOUT CULTURE.

While the team is busy collecting their jaws from the floor, Neil makes a weak attempt at sassing his way out of this situation.

             Keeping his voice calm took every ounce of energy he had left. “You know, I expected low blows and backstabbing from the Ravens. I thought Foxes were better than that.”

Don’t generalize, my dude.

Dan, Matt and Renee would never.

Neil then does worm his way out of this situation, though – by making a Bad Callout Situation a Worse Callout Situation, Like So Much Worse, Oh God.

             “I’m still waiting for a thank you,” Neil said. “From both of you, to each other. You’re even now, aren’t you? So why can’t you just wipe the slate clean and start over? (…) You don’t want me to be right, because if I am it’s your fault she’s dead.”

             Andrew finally joined the argument. “No. It’s always going to be her fault.”

Oh no, honey, please don–

             “I told her what would happen if she raised her hand again. She had no right to look so surprised.”

DID YOU JUST.

             Wymack pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled noisily. “Could you at least let us leave the room before you confess?”

Same, my dude.

Also hah, nose puns.

             It took Aaron a minute to find his voice again. He still sounded angry, but there was a muted edge to his, “You wouldn’t even look at me. You wouldn’t say a word to me unless I said something first. I’m not psychic. How was I supposed to know?”

             “Because I made you a promise,” Andrew said. “I did not forget it just because you chose not to believe me. I did what I said I would do, and fuck you for expecting anything else.”

And this paragraph right there, this is so, so important because it just sums up both their worldviews perfectly.

Aaron is still the more “normal” one of the twins – hard and bitter, but eventually the more grounded, the more realistic brother. But he also never really got to know Andrew, the real Andrew – whether out of fear of him or out of Andrew’s refusal. Andrew didn’t talk to him, and Aaron never learnt who exactly he was dealing with, so how was he supposed to know?

Andrew, on the other hand, makes promises and sticks to them, absolutely no matter what. He doesn’t care about the means to achieve his goals, he is colder and more ruthless than Aaron – or any sane person – ever could be. And in his world, this all makes sense – legit murder isn’t out of proportion, nothing can be, when it comes to keeping those he cares for safe (lizziedunbar99 made an excellent point on this the other day). When he protects someone, he protects them, all or nothing, and fuck anyone for expecting anyone else.

Yes, hello, I love these idiots.

             There it was again: a hint of that infinite anger at Andrew’s core. (…) He put his hand up between [the twins]. A heartbeat later Andrew’s expression went dead. Neil regretted his intervention immediately. No one could let go of that much rage that easily; Andrew had simply buried it where it could hurt only him.

And the moment that anger finally, healthily (!) breaks free will be the happiest day in this goddamn series.

Or, y’know, everything will go up in flames, but them’s the risks when you’re dealing with our favourite Murder Maniac.

In other news – in case you forgot (which I did), the other Foxes are still present, and they do kind of want answers at this point.

             “Is [your past] going to be a problem?” Dan asked.

             “No,” Neil said.

             Allison arched a brow at him (…) “Are you sure about that?”

I want Allison to please barge into conversations like this always, her head appearing over the scene John Cena-style.

This meme is long dead, but watch me give no shits.

             “Riko knows who I am because our families operate in similar circles, but he is a Moriyama in name only. He doesn’t have the resources to do more than threaten me.”

             “Damn, Neil,” Matt said. “Your parents must be something else if even Riko’s got to follow the rules.”

Oh hon, oh my sweet summer child, you have no idea.

And with that, the conversation is blissfully over, and we have only two tiny things to get to before this monster of a chapter is finally done.

First, Neil gets a text message:

             He didn’t recognize the number or the area code. He understood the message even less: “49”. Neil gave it a minute, but nothing else was forthcoming. He deleted the text and put his phone away.

Ah well, I’m sure this ominous and vaguely threating thing was merely a wrong number and is totally not going to come back to haunt our asses a few chapters from now.

And second, the Normal People Squad still has some opinions on the Murder Situation:

             “Just like that,” Matt said dubiously. “You’ve always known what he’s capable of, but you said he’s never given you a real reason to be afraid of him. What the hell are your parents into, if you can glide past murder like it’s no big deal and get in Riko’s face all the time?”

OH HON, OH MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD.

Also, me a few books ago.

Oh, how far we’ve come.

Unsurprisingly, yet to my great delight, Renee is not as shellshocked as Dan and Matt about Andrew’s confession, and offers some much-needed insight.

             “We cannot understand the situation entirely, Dan. We will never know Andrew’s frame of mind at the time or how bad life with her was for them. All we can do is make a choice: believe that he was protecting Aaron or condemn him for taking the most extreme path. I would rather go with the former.”

Mic drop, sweet smile, Renee out.

God, I love this girl.

If you like what I do here and you want me to continue writing fun things for you, why not buy me a coffee? Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!

[catboythorfinn]

I’m finally done, but this is my fatesona, Jerelyn!! or Jere, for short. I’m still working on her story and other details so her story may change over time but here’s some info about her that I currently have under the cut:

HER BIO HAS BEEN UPDATED AS OF 3/31/18 !!!

So some of her info, including age, birthday, height, appearance, and some personality traits are all based on me, so yes it is a coincidence that she shares her birthday with Siegbert lol

Name: Jerelyn (ジェレリン, Jererin)

Alias: Jeremy (before recruiting) (ジェレミー, Jeremii)

Age: 18

Gender: female, but disguises herself as male first

Pronouns: she/her (he/him when disguised)

Birthday: May 28th

Orientation: Bi/Pansexual

Class: Troubadour

Generation: First

Appearance: Jerelyn has fair skin, dark brown (almost black eyes), and has glasses. Her hair is black with red streaks (it’s not too out there considering Peri has blue/pink hair) and is a little on the short side. Her body type is short and slightly curvy, but due to her small bust, is able to easily disguise as a male. She is female, both biologically and her gender. Her outfit is the basic male troubadour outfit with different shades of red and black, and she wears glasses. Her left boot is a darker red than her right boot. (explained below)

Personality: Jerelyn is an introverted person and likes to keep to herself, and is assumed to be someone shy and quiet. It’s hard for her to open up people; and instead likes to insult, be mean, be rude, and push people away when someone shows an interest to her. Before joining Corrin’s army, Jerelyn was very close to someone, eventually dating them. Said person became abusive and toxic towards Jerelyn, completely destroying her confidence and self esteem, among many other issues. After said event happened, Jerelyn swore that she’d never get close to someone again and, having a low self esteem and a (now) raging inferiority complex, became someone she hates: someone rude with no respect for others, which in turn, caused her to not make any friends in Corrin’s army. Jerelyn has a short temper and gets irritated easily, which makes her snarky and sarcastic when she’s in a bad mood. She loves to play pranks on others for laughs, mostly to cheer herself up. She also swears. Like a lot. Her favorite hobby is drawing, she’ll draw landscapes, her horse, even people in Corrin’s army just to pass the time between battles. Jerelyn seems to focus on her tasks too much, such as her chores, her duties, her drawings, etc., which causes her to not be self aware of her surroundings and a generally clumsy person (not as bad as Felicia though), which explains why she’s always wearing a different colored boot (She explains how in her defense, one is barely darker than the other and no one would really notice it anyways). She’s practically blind without her glasses, so once she loses them or they break she can’t go out and battle or else she’ll get herself killed.

Relationships: Father: Mother: Siblings: Levi (younger brother) Relatives: Happy (family cat), Titania (horse), Rin and Emiko (children if she achieves an S Support)

Family Line Of Work: Her parents are teachers Family Background: Nohrian Best Friends: Fatesona Supports Friends: A+ Supports Love Interests: Corrin lmao, also she’s had a crush on every fatesona mentioned below

Extra Information:

>The reason why Jerelyn joined Corrin’s army in the first place was because Corrin wouldn’t stop pestering her to join, so Jerelyn reluctantly joined (but secretly was glad that she joined, as she’s always alone and thought a change of environment would help her overcome her heartbreak/broken trust). Corrin’s reasoning was because they saw the good in Jerelyn, how caring she is and how much she seemed to enjoy helping others. ((M!Corrin also just thinks she’s cute))

>Even though Jerelyn has a large distrust of others, her reasoning for joining the army is her want of helping others, which overrides her want to distrust others. Corrin reminded her of someone she was close to…

>Her reasoning for disguising as a male is she wanted to reinvent herself. After the heartbreak, she cut herself off from her ex and decided; she’s going to totally reinvent herself. She cuts her hair really short (her hair previously was a similar length to female!Corrin’s default hair) to symbolize a new beginning. She also dyes her hair red, to stand out and not be recognizable from her previous image. She chooses to crossdress specifically because she doesn’t like the female troubadour outfit; and decided to go the whole way with being male by also faking having a deeper voice, trying to seem taller (and failing), and trying to act “manly” and traditionally masculine. This act is put to a stop once she joins Corrin’s army, after they discover that she isn’t actually male.

>With the whole idea of reinventing herself; Jerelyn also vows from that day that she will never, ever, ever become close to someone again. She will refuse to trust any new person she encounters, thinking that they will take advantage of her when she’s most vulnerable and hurt her again. She insists that “they aren’t really being nice to me, they’re just pitying me. They’re just trying to be nice. They’re planning on taking advantage of me.” etc. She becomes less trusting, less optimistic, less nice. She instead turns into someone pessimistic, with a bleak outcome on life. She pushes people away (as shown when Corrin tries to recruit her), she becomes rude and insults others to get them away from her. She fears that she’ll be hurt again by someone she loves.

>Jerelyn has a scar on her right breast (two scratches) that come from the person who betrayed her (exact cause of scar is unknown). Aside from that, she has some scratches and scars due to her brother’s cat biting and attacking her.

>She’s really really picky and if the mess hall makes something she doesn't like, she probably won't eat that day. Her least favorite foods of all time are vegetables and tends to eat preferably sweets.

>A (main) reason for Jerelyn being a healer is because (metaphorically), she didn’t have anyone to heal her own wounds when she was going through a toxic/abusive relationship. She acts this way in the hopes that others will treat her the same.

>Jerelyn is NOT a morning person at all, she hates rising early and is a Night Owl. If she could she would stay in bed/sleep till 3 pm. It also explains why she’s always grumpy on early missions, she just wants to catch up on sleep.

>Jerelyn actually hates bathing in front of others and will often try to bathe when everyone is asleep (so ranging from anywhere between 11 pm and 3 am). She will sometimes sneak around the mess hall around these hours to eat or look for a snack. Because of these habits, Jerelyn has bags under her eyes and doesn’t have a proper sleeping schedule.

>Her horse’s name is Titania, she’s had her since Jerelyn was 11 years old.

>Jerelyn’s family consist of her parents and her younger brother, Levi (15 years old), as well as Titania and her brother’s cat, Happy.

>Jerelyn will sometimes have nightmares about her past relationship and the abuse, or of her family being disappointed in her/disappear when she arrives back home. Due to these nightmares she is unable to sleep most of the time, which is why she’s always napping on her free time.

>She has a short temper as mentioned before, and Jerelyn is the type of person to cry when she’s angry. She hates people seeing her in that kind of state so she either isolates herself in her tent or rides Titania to a “secret” spot where she cries and eventually tires herself out onto a nap or calms down and draws something (( cough cough Corrin cough cough ))

>In said “secret” spot, apart from crying Jerelyn goes there to draw, to just ride Titania, or to nap. There's an amazing view of mountains and skies and it helps her focus on her drawings.

Good Habits: She likes to help people and is one of the reasons she became a healer, she wants to help others and can’t stand seeing a person who is hurt or without help, despite how mean she acts. She is actually really caring for others in Corrin’s army despite her though exterior.

Bad Habits: She (was) a bit too trusting and the feeling still lingers on, gets irritated easily/has a bad temper (and thus begins to make snarky and sarcastic comments), her clumsiness can lead to bad situations sometimes, she swears a lot, she pushes everyone away, she has a inferiority complex and believes to be inferior to the other healers in her army, and just inferior to everyone in general. Jerelyn is also someone who gets jealous easily.

Likes: drawing, sweets (such as cakes, teas, and candies), playing pranks, the rain, cold weather

Dislikes: the heat, her height, rude people, coffee Hobbies: drawing/painting/art in general, watching the clouds, napping, playing pranks Fears: heights, insects/bugs, abandonment/loneliness, broken trust, heartbreak, being found by him again, death Favorite Food: Meat, Cakes (would love to try Hoshidan dishes given the chance), SWEETS!!!! Favorite Drink: Tea Favorite Animal: Cat Favorite Color: Red

Favorite Season: Autumn

Dreams:

>She honestly wishes she could spend the rest of her life with someone she loves, and that they’ll treasure her and won’t betray her

>If not a Significant Other, at the very least she’d like a best friend she can trust and tell anything to without them backstabbing her in the future.

>One day she wants to give up being this mean person and be back to someone more positive

>To be remembered as someone caring, someone who is extraordinary at healing/art, not someone who was rude/mean/uncaring

>Not necessarily a dream; but after the war if she ends up with a SO or a Best Friend, her distrust instinct slowly goes away and is able to willingly trust others now. She also grows out her hair the way it used to be and is much happier with who she is and the people she surrounds herself with. Origin: Jerelyn comes from a pretty normal family, nothing really wrong with it. Despite her very rocky relationship with her parents, her family has never had any problems. She had always been curious about healing and medicines, and decided from an early age that she was gonna be a healer, since she felt like she wasn’t a strong enough fighter. Jerelyn has always had an inferiority complex growing up, always feeling like she was never enough and that her best efforts weren’t good enough, which slightly skewed her perception of herself. Upon meeting a boy when she was around 16-17, she fell in love with him and they soon began dating. Their relationship however turned abusive and toxic, with her boyfriend abusing her mostly emotionally and mentally, sometimes physically (note her scars on her right breast). He made her feel worthless about herself, he made her feel as if no one would want her, he made her feel like he was the best she was ever gonna get. The relationship eventually made Jerelyn somewhat dependant on him, and was a very unhealthy relationship overall. This relationship, her first relationship, left her with an unbelievably low self esteem and no self confidence whatsoever, as well as boosted her inferiority complex and made her believe that she will never be good enough. By the time she was 18, after one instance where he attacked her physically (gaining her scars on her breast), she had decided that enough was enough, she wasn’t gonna take any more from him. She felt robbed of her first relationship, this isn’t what a normal and healthy relationship should look like. She ran away in hopes of cutting him off of her life for good, leaving her past behind her. She never told her family where she was heading, and the thought about her family’s reaction to her disappearance, and thoughts of her family in general still lingers on and keeps her up at night sometimes. Once she ran away, she reinvented herself as a brand new person, chopping off her long hair into a short boy-like hairstyle and dying red in her hair in hopes of never being found. She disguises herself as a male, going as far as crossdressing (male troubadour outfit) and deepening her voice to try and fool others. She even went as far as to give herself a new name for the time being, Jeremy, instead of Jerelyn. Something something about Corrin finding her and shit and then she joins the army.

Reason for joining Corrin’s Army: Corrin would not stop pestering her Husband/Wife/Significant Other: M!Corrin ((solely for indulgence purposes)) A+ Supports: Felicia, Peri, Beruka Setsuna, Kagero, Camilla, Elise S Supports: All Nohrian/Neutral Guys, Kaden, Hinata, Takumi Neutral Girls, Peri, Charlotte, Beruka, Selena, Camilla Setsuna, Kagero

Other Supports:

Alexei (@iavenjqasdf) (A+) Friendship Seal: Mercenary

Clarke ( @hexlockspear) (A+) Friendship Seal: Wyvern Rider

Felix Friendship Seal: n/a

Rosamund ( @news14 ) (A+ / S Support)

Friendship/Partner Seal: Knight

Mika Friendship Seal: Kinshi Knight

Nero ( @utsuges ) Friendship Seal: Spear Fighter Personal Skill: --- “Canon” Promotion: Strategist Master Seal: Strategist, Maid Heart Seal: Outlaw Route: Conquest/Revelations Child(ren): Rin and Emiko, Depends on Father

(( Kana + Rin and Emiko ))

Rin: Jerelyn’s son, younger twin brother of Emiko. An anxious and introverted troubadour who prefers to keep to himself. He’s awkward and has trouble making friends due to his shyness and anxiety. The complete opposite of his sister.

Emiko: Jerelyn’s daughter, older twin sister of Rin. A loud, extroverted dark mage who loves to prank people. She’s much more outgoing than her brother and has no problem making friends with the other kids of the army. The complete opposite of her brother.

Quotes

Critical Hit

"Don’t underestimate me!" "Let’s see what I can do!" "You're so annoying!" "I'm sorry to do this...!"

Jere crit quote: (muffled giggling as she places their hand in a bowl of warm water) - terk

Dual Support:

"Don't die on me" "I can heal you after this!" probably a sigh/annoyed sigh "Let's finish this"

And others to come

Classic Mode Death Quote:

“I’m… useless…”

Retreat Quote: “I gotta pull back… there’s enough healers [[Avatar]], just go on without me.”

Enemy Defeated:

"Weak" "That went better than expected" “Sorry…” “Hah!”

Bad level up: "What was I supposed to expect?" Okay level up: "I'll take what I can" Good level up: "Who's the weak one now?"

Class Change:

“I could pull this off.

Alternatively, when reclassed to maid: "WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS???"

Confession:

“I… I love you. I’d never thought I’d ever say those words again. Promise me you’ll hold me tight and never let go… Please?”

[veronicaosoria]

mercy pt 4

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader/Jimin

Length: 4.2k words

Summary: You knew the relationship was falling apart, you just couldn’t accept it. 

Part One Part Two Part Three

Even in the end if you’re with me, I’m okay..

When people say sometimes time is all you need, they're most likely right. I always ignored those who told me countless of times that all I needed to be happy again was time. But although I wasn't quite healed yet, I felt myself getting there. It had been almost two months since that night. Two months since it took everything in me to snap, to let out all the anger and desperation I had bottled up inside me. I went home that night crying, completely destroyed and for days after that I fought against answering their calls and no matter how badly I wanted to crawl back, I used up the tiny bit of strength I had in me to just ignore. Even when one of them would show up knocking on my door, I would quietly sit on the other side waiting until they would eventually leave. To my surprise however, it was Yoongi who constantly called and the one who showed up at my house more than I expected. Since I had blocked his number he would leave a note on my door letting me know he dropped by which always seemed to make my heart flutter but regardless I decided to delete all my social media pages wiping my phone from more chances of possibly giving in.

Yes, it was nice to finally have the guts to do everything in my power to avoid the constant mixed signals and pain I was putting myself through, but to say I was happy was clearly a lie. I found myself sleeping too much or sleeping too little, eating more than usual or eating just enough to make it through the day, and crying endlessly or not shedding a single tear. My moods constantly shifted and I had no idea how to control it, and my body was just exhausted. I lost count of the number of days I’ve spent with my back against the wall trying to figure out where exactly things went wrong. If I had just done things differently I wouldn’t be sitting alone in my apartment everyday wondering of what could've been.

But then even if things still fell apart with Yoongi, why can't I let go?

Why can't he let go?

Is it because deep down inside we both know there's still something there? Something that's keeping both of us from doing what we should've done months ago, and it gets me thinking that maybe just maybe our time isn't quite done yet.

And I'm tired of fighting it..

“How much did you pack Y/N?” Namjoon groaned struggling to put my overfilled luggage in the trunk, “I swear you put rocks in here or something.”

“I just wanted to make sure I packed enough!” I shot back rolling my eyes at him, “and you haven't even told me where we're going yet so I had no idea on what to pack.”

“After all these years you never learned how to be patient,” he mumbled dramatically wiping away the non apparent sweat from his face, “It’s a surprise.”

I sighed and began marching away, “it's just my birthday Joon I told you I didn't want to do anything crazy.”

“You deserve this Y/N, you actually deserve a lot more.”

“I really don't..” I whispered to myself getting in the car.

Although my birthday was only a day away, I wasn't necessarily excited. I was at a weird place in my life where I wasn't exactly happy, so “big” things like my birthday didn't seem to phase me as much as I thought. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Namjoon so much for taking me on some unknown adventure this weekend. But to say I was excited was a lie and it just sucks.

It sucks because I'm still at a point where I still blame myself for every bad thing that happened lately. Every choice that I made has led me to here- unhappy.

And I hate that I'm not happy. I hate that everyone else has the power to change my moods in an instant, and I hate the fact that I let myself get to the point where I cannot make myself happy.

And maybe that's where I fucked up.

“Earth to Y/N!” I heard Namjoon say as he playfully nudged me, “We’re here sleepyhead.”

I groaned ignoring him moving my body to the other side of the car. “Let me sleep a little more alright?”

As uncomfortable as the car was I was more tired to even care at this point. I shuffled my body trying to find a decent spot to relax my body in and continued to doze off, although I slept pretty much the whole car ride I was still really exhausted.

Right, that’s another thing. Even on the days where I spent my time doing literally nothing, I still felt like I worked an eight hour shift AND ran a marathon on top of it. Which honestly confused me, because I did the bare minimum lately.

“Don’t you at least want to see the how clear the water is?” Namjoon asked unbuckling my seat belt, “I don’t want you all down this weekend.”

I grunted finally opening my eyes, “YA I’m up, and by the way I am NOT acting down-”

And that’s when I saw where we were and to say that I was shocked was an understatement, because not only was I shocked, I was speechless. I was met with the sight of a two-story beach house that had balconies on every corner and windows covering every inch of the building, the house was painted a light blue almost camouflaging the sky and sitting behind it was what I consider the best place in the world- the beach.

“Ooh my gosh,” I whispered shutting the car door next to me. I glanced over at Namjoon who was grinning at me and I ran over to give him a hug. “This is amazing!”

“Do you know how bad I’ve been waiting to see that smile of yours?” He said leading the way to the front door, “I know how much you love the beach Y/N, that’s why I rented this house out.”

“What! You didn’t need to do that Joon even just a day at the beach would’ve been enough.” I hissed grabbing his arm, “Take it back!”

He chuckled rolling his eyes at me, “I can’t really pick the house up can I?”

I glared at him crossing my arms over my body and tapping my foot impatiently on the ground, he imitated me and soon enough we found ourselves in a unspoken staring contest.

“You never win at these Joon why are you even trying to battle me?” I confidently said with a smirk plastered on my face.

“Oh really?” He asked raising his brow at me, “We'll see about that.”

Long story short, I ended up losing the game I was so confident about and for the rest of the day Namjoon joked about it only to have me throw a childish fit leading him to “confess” he cheated. Although I knew he won fair and square, it made me really happy seeing how effortlessly he put others first even if it was something as simple as this.

Namjoon had something about him that made him so special. He had a natural way with words and seemed to always know the best things to say and it just makes me happy. It makes me happy because I knew how lucky I was that he was in my life and no matter how much I managed to make horrible decisions for myself, he still remained by side trying to put me back together. Now thinking back, I realized how much crap he put up with, and how often I’d take him for granted, and god it just kills me. It kills me because one day he can get up and decide he’s done being my friend, and I hate thinking that because I was absolutely terrified of losing him.

The sound of the waves crashing against the sand interrupted my thoughts and I was brought back to the view in front of me, the smell of wet sand and water instantly hit my face and the lack of people around me was soothing. If there was one thing I loved more than the beach, it definitely had to be an empty beach with my headphones plugged in. Namjoon was currently back at the house unpacking and I let him know I’d be out on a walk for no more than an hour in which he offered to tag along but then remembered how I preferred going on walks alone. I made a mental note to order some take out before I got back so he wouldn’t have to worry about dinner although I knew he’d scold me about how this supposed to be my birthday trip and I shouldn’t have. But why the hell not? How much has he done for me without a second thought? Namjoon was the person I looked up to for who knows how long, he was a selfless person with such a pure heart and I longed to be like him even though I knew I’d never be good enough. And to be honest, it’s about damn time I start appreciating him.

Before I knew it, it was the morning of my birthday. Which meant not only the weekend was coming to an end but also facing reality again came closer and closer. The trip however was amazing, Namjoon definitely did way more than he should’ve. Apart from renting out a beautiful house, he had our days planned out always making sure to leave time in between. We spent the day before staying in and watching cringey romantic movies all while stuffing our faces with more junk food than we should’ve, and even though he insisted on taking me out shopping at a nearby mall I kindly declined. However he made it clear that he had made dinner reservations to celebrate my birthday and that I had no excuse to refuse.

I grabbed my phone from the dresser checking the time and was surprised to see my phone had quite a bit of messages. My parents had each sent me a thoughtful birthday text letting me know they’ll give me a call later that day, I had a couple from my friends, and one from Yoongi.

My finger lingered over his name debating if I should open it or not then decided it would be best to ignore it for the time being. That however didn't last and I checked my phone around an hour later after I had finished getting washed up and ready for the day.

“Happy birthday babygirl.”

The feeling of my heart fluttering and sinking at the same time came over me and it took me quite a bit of time to process what I had just read. Those three simple yet taunting words repeated over and over again in my head. Exactly one year ago it would've been different, completely different and those three words would've had me over the moon.

But not today, because those three words had me anything but over the moon.

“Keep your eyes closed y/n.”

“Yoongi you know I don’t like surprises,” I mumbled reaching my hand out to find his arm, “And I hate being blindfolded.”

“Ahh now we both know that’s a lie sweetheart.” He chuckled and even though I couldn’t see his face I was almost certain he was smirking.

Mentally rolling my eyes I playfully shoved his shoulder, “You’re too much sometimes Yoongs.”

I felt the scarf around my eyes loosen and I was met with the sight of a table in the center of the rooftop covered in a white tablecloth and surrounded with newly lit candles. Two plates were neatly placed on both sides of the table along with silverware and wine glasses.

Y-Yoongi,” I gasped looking around in disbelief. I looked over at him and that’s when I noticed it.

Min Yoongi. He was standing inches away from me with his hands stuffed in his pockets glancing every now and then toward my direction.

Min Yoongi was all mine.

“Happy birthday babygirl.”

I let out a huge breath while stepping out of the car and Namjoon shut the car door behind me and we both walked up the stairs that led to the entrance of a rather fancy restaurant- too fancy for my liking. We made our way inside and while Namjoon began talking to the host about our dinner reservations, my mind began to wander off.

Although I knew Namjoon planned this trip for my birthday, it didn’t feel like it was only for that. Don’t get me wrong I appreciated everything he’s done for me and this did help me get my mind off of things. But I couldn’t help not look past the sympathetic looks Namjoon would shoot at me every now and then. Almost as if it was his mission to make sure I was having a good time, and to be honest it made me feel worse. It made me feel like I was fragile, like he was constantly walking on eggshells around me. It made me feel broken.

And I know it was far from his intention, and I know he’s only trying to help but I feel like I’m losing myself more and more each day. I’m scared if I don’t pull myself together soon, I’ll lose him too.

Just like I lost Yoongi.

And just like I lost Jimin.

“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be out this late crying.”

Park Jimin. He came into my life in the most unexpected way and damn sure made an impact on me. He was there during the lowest point of my life and he along with Namjoon comforted me through it all. Jimin was there when I needed him, and in return I took him for granted and shut him out. I checked my phone here and there hoping to see if maybe he had sent me text or gave me a call but neither of those came and I knew deep down I didn’t deserve either.

“Your server will be right with you.” The host cheerily said as we nodded and sat down. I threw my phone back in my purse a little harder than I meant too making Namjoon raise a brow at me, “you okay?”

Flustered I awkwardly laughed, “Yeah I’m fine.”

I looked away quickly and averted my eyes to the menu avoiding any further questions he was going to ask, “So anything catching your eye?” I ask referring to the menu, “I’m thinking of getting the chef’s special.”

“Oh really?” He questioned with a slight smile on his face, “The tomato and mushroom Mac and cheese?”

I felt my face burn up and my stomach grew queasy. Crap he’s on to me.

I didn’t even bother to check what exactly was the chef’s special and knowing my luck the main ingredient had to be something I was deathly allergic to- mushrooms. I knew at this point he was taunting me and knowing him he was planning on dragging this on until I gave up. I knew eventually he was going to ask what’s been on my mind, and I couldn’t fool him.

“E-Er right,” I mumbled barely audible turning the menu over. “Now thinking about it I might go for something else instead.”

“I heard the gourmet mushroom risotto was fantastic here,” He began, “Oh and the mushroom Florentine pasta-“

“Actually I’m not feeling anything with mushroom tonight, maybe I’ll go for something else.” I interrupted rolling my eyes.

Here we go.

“Yeah I figured you weren’t considering you can’t have mushrooms.” He teased without taking his eyes off the menu. I awkwardly laughed and was hoping he would drop it then and there but obviously he wasn’t gonna give up.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong?”

I let out a deep breath, “Nothi-“

“Please don’t say nothing”

Instead of finding the words to say I remained quiet and found myself chewing on my fingernails. The feeling of dread came over me and for the millionth time today I felt a sudden urge to disappear. I felt like the world was slowly closing in on me and all I could do was sit here and watch, and as much as I wanted to easily spill my heart out to him, I simply found it difficult to do so.

And I don’t know if it was the look on my face or the little I spoke, but Namjoon gave me a tight squeeze on my hand and didn’t ask anything more.

To my surprise dinner went on better than I expected, the conversation went on a brighter note and I was at ease again. The night was coming to an end and we both decided to head back to the house, I mentioned I wanted to go on a walk and Namjoon insisted on coming with me. It was the last night here and I wasn’t sure when I’d come back to the beach again so I wanted to take one last walk. We pulled into the driveway and once we were parked I walked up the to the front door to unlock it but just as I was about to put the keys in a bouquet of purple and coral tulips caught my attention.

“Ya you didn’t have too!” I squeaked putting the flowers up to my nose to smell them, “Thank you Joon.” I cheerily unlocked the front door and made my way straight to the kitchen to put them in a vase of water.

“Woah woah wait Y/N I didn’t get you those,” Namjoon muttered with a confused look on his face, “although I should’ve” I gave him a puzzled look almost as if I didn’t believe him but the bewildered look on his face proved otherwise.

“Then who was i-” I questioned putting my finger up to my chin. Namjoon swiftly walked up next to me putting his hand over my shoulder pulling out a card resting on the side of a flower and without saying a word he placed it in my hands.

“Happy birthday my Y/N- From J”

Jimin.

Later that night I found myself in a better mood, the stars seemed to shine brighter and the waves hitting the shore sounded more peaceful than I imagined. As we walked along the water, both Namjoon and I remained quiet. But it was a good kind of silence. The kind where neither of us needed to say anything because in that moment we knew that silence was comfortable, and to me that’s all I needed.

“Thank you Joon,” I spoke up looking over at him, “for everything.”

“Ahh we both know you shouldn’t have to thank me.”

“I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you.” I whispered with a slight frown on my face and I felt his body tense up next to me, “You’ve done a lot for me.”

He stayed quiet and I began to worry. I furrowed my brows, “Joon?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay? Did I do something wrong?” I blurted out. His eyes widened and he stopped walking, “No no of course not.” He assured pulling me in closer to him.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Again he was at lost for words and the longer he stayed silent the more my mind began to panic. “Namjoon..”

“I got a job offer,” His sudden words startled me and I pulled away from him giving him a weak shove. “YA you scared me,” I scolded, “Congratulations Joon, what kind of offer?”

“It’s producing contract.. High pay and I call the shots. Basically everything I can ask for. It was hard to say no.”

“Oh my goodness!” I shrieked, “Holy crap Nams you deserved this! Oh gosh we need to celebrate, why didn’t you tell me sooner-”

“It’s an amazing opportunity,” he muttered avoiding my eyes, “Just that.. It’s in Los Angeles.”

Oh.

Los Angeles as in thousands of miles away.

“That’s amazing Namjoon, I know you’ll do amazing things out there.” I felt a lump in the back of my throat and tears began to form.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

“I leave as soon as we get home.”

And with those words I crashed my body into his arms and held him tightly refusing to let go. My body grew weak and all I could think about in that moment were the endless memories we shared. From meeting in the school playground when we were seven years old, to riding our bikes through our old neighborhood, and to the greatest moment in our lives- our high school graduation. Growing up we never left each other's side and he vowed to always protect me no matter what. Although I knew he’d never break his promise, it felt horrible. He was my rock after all.

“You’re all I have left.” I choked out trying to control my never ending sobbing but it was no use once I heard the heartbreaking sobs coming from my best friend.

And in that moment all I wanted to do was disappear.

Fall soon came and the weather had turned chilly, I lit the candle in the center of my coffee table and threw my jacket over my sofa. I had gotten home from another draining day at work and was longing for a night of relaxing and catching up on TV shows I’ve missed. It had been a little over three weeks since Namjoon left and I was doing my best to get through his absence, although we always texted each other it was tough to know that I couldn’t be able to call him up to hang out. I knew deep down he felt guilty for leaving, but I constantly told him that I would never stop him from chasing his dreams. I assured him that I would visit him soon and that he didn’t have to worry too much about me, but we both knew he would anyway. Dropping him off at the airport was the hardest part though, because I found myself one step closer to begging him to stay and knowing his heart he would’ve. But I knew I couldn’t do that. Kim Namjoon was out living his dream and I couldn’t be more than proud of him.

It was around 11pm and I had just turned off the TV deciding to call it a night when I heard a knock on my door. I bit my lip and wondered if it was my neighbors coming over to complain about the TV being too loud- they were sensitive when it came to that so I wouldn’t be surprised. However much to my surprise it wasn’t any of the neighbors I was familiar with, it instead was someone who I least expected. He looked like he had barely slept and eyes bloodshot red, overall he was a complete mess.

“Y/N..”

Yoongi.

“Can you believe it’s been six months of being together?” I cheered giving him a small peck on the cheek. Yoongi smiled and returned the peck except this time on my lips.

“Imagine us in 20 years..” He trailed off, “Married, with kids, happy.”

“I want three kids babe, nothing more, nothing less.” I giggled as he rolled his eyes.

“I told you so many times y/n I want us to have 10 kids at least.”

“Oh no no no Yoongs no way!” I shrieked furiously shaking my head at him.

“I know one thing’s for sure..” He said cupping my face in his hands, “Hm and what is that?” I questioned.

“That I love you y/n.”

“I love you too Yoongi.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked trying to not to show any sign of emotion. I crossed my arms and patiently waited for his response, whatever the hell it was.

“Y/N.. I-I can’t eat, can’t sleep,” He stuttered running his hands through his pitch black hair, “holy fuck y/n I don’t know what the hell I did.”

“What do you mean?” I softly asked wondering what in the world possessed him to show up at my doorstep in this state.

“I thought I knew what I was doing y/n.. I thought that leaving you was the best choice. I fucked up… so bad. And I know I don’t deserve to even have you standing here listening to me but..” He grabbed my hands and held them tightly, “But I need you back.”

And I know I should’ve felt anger against him, I know I should’ve slammed the door in his face right then and there. But I didn’t.

“If you let me in I swear everything will be different this time.” I looked up at him and his face showed pure desperation and regret and I began to feel bad for him. Maybe because I’ve always known he didn’t want to hurt me as bad as he did, and when he saw how much he broke me it might’ve broke him too.

And in that moment I don’t know what came over me.

“Okay.”

And I let him in.

authors note: ahhhhh omg! Guys I am so incredibly sorry for disappearing for months, to be quite honest I needed a break and I was dealing with my own issues and it’s been difficult but I’m doing a lot better now. I hope you guys can understand :/ As of now I am back! I would also like to give a huge thank you to @jimin-of-bts for being there for me and giving me amazing and kind words during my break, thank you so much<3 

Part five of Mercy will be posted sometime next week due to exams and the never ending homework my professors love to give me :(

And also I hope you guys like it! :)