#everything from the information they choose to present to the way they phrase their sentences is written to make you think OP is correct

[professor-doc-emeritus]

There's a lot of reddit refugees/AI bot accounts here and on other websites that are spreading AITA posts around, but not sharing the required-reading post that's necessary if you want to engage with that content without becoming a goblin

[kestrel-of-herran]

congratulations on the 69k edited words!!! please let me know if you plan on publishing it, whether traditionally or online. I LOVE how vivid and different your descriptions are, and I'd love to read more.

until then, if it's okay, would you mind sharing your writing process? do you plot everything in advance? how do you write your scenes? what do you start with? (sorry if this is intrusive, I just like learning about people's way to write fiction 🌼)

hi! thank you sooo much!!! 💖 it means so much that you're excited to read more of my writing 🥺💗

yes, i'll try to publish it traditionally once it's finished!

and thanks for asking about my writing process! i'll try to answer your questions precisely, hope this isn't too long:

1. on a book level, not everything is planned in advance - i have a lot of major events down, but everything is considered flexible until it's edited and i see that it actually works at that moment in the story, so it's always alright to move scenes around or make a major change if i feel like it as i go along. on a scene level, i try to plan as much as possible, because the plan is like a draft zero of the scene and it helps me figure out the logistics of how things should happen so i can write them, but i love surprising myself in the drafting and editing process so there's lots of room for change there too

2. how do i write the scenes and what i start with:

let's say i already have the major plot points of the scenes down and i'm going to start writing

i always write in sequence by scene, so if i'm writing a scene there's edited text before it and malleable outlines after it. i do this to track character development and keep things interesting for me, as sometimes characters act in unexpected ways

the first thing i do is make a list of everything i know about the scene and everything that needs to happen, in sections, such as how the characters are feeling, what i want the atmosphere to be, what plot-relevant information or foreshadowing i need to integrate in the scene. at this stage it's alright if i still don't know how to weave these together, it's just important to keep all of it in mind and to think about it

i usually get a lot of ideas about the scene while getting these points sorted, i know how an emotion will manifest or how something will be foreshadowed, so these turn into smaller plot points for the scene

it's time to order the events now, so i write a draft zero, which is the whole scene written without paragraphs, with points separated by dashes, in the present tense, with the aim of just getting all my thoughts down into the event sequence and imagining the whole scene. it's alright if there are things i'm uncertain about here, and i often write several different ways for things to happen that i can choose from or completely discard and invent a new way later

once this is done, i write the first draft, which is when i start seeing the paragraphing of the scene, the general length of passages and of speech, and i get some good ideas for phrasing. i work from the draft zero but i'm also free to change things, i often write several possible versions of some lines or word choices, and i add notes for things i want to implement in the final draft

this step is not always present, but if any part of the first draft isn't feeling very "solid" (i call that writing that can stand on its two feet, that feels good and sensible to read), i make editorial notes on that part when i get to editing it, sometimes a new plan if i'm making a major change, and then i redraft, with the redraft sometimes needing its own draft zero first too

then comes the most time-consuming part of the process, doing the final/edited draft. the (solid) first draft acts as a guideline now, but i always look at all my previous notes for every section of the scene when i get to it, in case something important fell through between draft zero and draft one. i edit by sentence/paragraph, so i split the scene in sections, and work on them chronologically, editing or rewriting the passage as needed, adding or removing things, and thinking very carefully about word choice, sequence of information disclosure, tension, things like gaze-continuity (if a character is looking at one part of a room, bringing their attention to the other might need a stimuli, such as noise), factual accuracy, metaphor, emotional complexity... i spend a lot of time writing versions of the sentence, split in parts along the commas, with very subtle differences in word choice so i can compare their effect in context, before i finalize it and add it to the finished text above. i use a thesaurus to make sure i'm not forgetting some obviously better word choice, and i often look things up in that stage to make sure i have facts right. i reread everything tirelessly, within context, so i can spot repetition and parallel sentence structures that i want to avoid. i don't consider word count at all (i have some 100+ word sentences that really pack a punch), just the flow of the scene and the quality of the writing.

i hope this answers your questions, sorry it turned out so long! and thank you so much for your continued support! 💝

[burnedbyshoto]

temerity

― the perfect job for an overworked, tired, and romantic you is obviously a stressful, demanding, but oh so aesthetic coffeeshop. your job only becomes better when a handsome redhead appears through the door with a loud bang, and you can do nothing but fall for him. or the five times kirishima orders coffee and the one time he doesn’t.

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pairing: kirishima eijirou x fem!reader

warnings: cursing, fluff, light angst, pining, coffee shop!au, modern!au, college!au, happy ending, five times he did and one time he didn’t trope

word count: 9,394

a/n: happy birthday to my beautiful love @ikinabi​!!!! this was written for you based off of your favorite tropes including your favorite word, bet you saw this coming a mile away because my interrogation for this was absolute ass. also sorry for the angst, I couldn’t help myself! for the rest of you non-reds, this was a pretty damn fun piece to write. kirishima was modeled after how red sees him too, sorry. I haven’t typed that much in a single sitting in a long time, so it was p refreshing. like always, enjoy and leave a comment if you enjoyed ;-; (oh and thank you all for kiri coffee taste suggestions)

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O N E

Working in a small coffee shop isn’t exactly what you had once thought it to be.

For years you had been attending the small coffee shop just by your university. Most of your studying, homework, and late-night mental breakdowns had taken place in the corner of the shop, hidden from the sight of the patrons, which was conventionally the best spot for the strongest wifi.

You had been there so many times, having tried every single drink on their menu, and had gotten to know every worker there ― including the owners. So when the invitation to work there was brought up the one night you showed up in hysterics because you had lost your other job, it shouldn’t have taken you by surprise.

So now, in your final year of university, you stood at the counter. A textbook cracked open near the register light, the gentle coffee shop tunes playing merrily in the background. The intricate, familiar, and distinguished smell of both fresh and aging coffee beans with day-old pastries soaked deep into every centimeter of the room. 

The coffee shop was typically slow at this time at night, most people, thankfully, choosing to keep their caffeine addictions primarily in the mornings. Or, as a student had once confessed, didn’t want to make your job more demanding, so they made their own caffeinated drink this late at night. Regardless, it didn’t matter; the morning and afternoon crowds at this coffee shop were busy enough for you to be grateful for this downtime, especially as midterm season was beginning to approach. With this upcoming season, you knew you would be pouring liters of coffee down red-eyed, broken-spirited, college students' throats in the coming days.

Humming, you flipped the page of your biochem textbook, information on amino acids and protein structure twisting in your mind. At the same time, you tried to absorb the chaotic, overflowing amount of information presented on a single page. With a pen to your lip, you frowned at the sentence, rereading phrases over and over again as you struggled to figure out just why Hydrogen formation was so important. 

That didn’t last for too long, fortunately. 

For when you were about to scream to your coworker who was hiding away in the backroom about how amino acids could go fuck themselves, the front door slammed open. 

Despite the wooden door being extremely, almost stupidly heavy (to the point where there was a sign that clearly read: YES WE ARE OPEN, THE DOOR IS JUST REALLY HEAVY, outside), it crashed into the wall, causing a loud smack to rattle the shop. You, having been so absorbed in your studies, jumped at the sound. Your body flinched as a surprised shriek left your lips.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry! It said the door was heavy, but I didn’t think it would slam open like that!” came an apologetic and obviously embarrassed voice from the entrance.

Your heart was pounding with adrenaline. You focused your attention on the man who was frantically checking potential damages to both the door and the wall. All while he continued to apologize. 

Red hair and red eyes are the first things you noticed about him.

Red hair that obviously was dyed, red, warm eyes seemed smooth and seemed to melt into sugary brown, and a rather large scar over his right eye that stopped just at his eyebrow. His smile was broad, exceedingly bright, albeit stiff.

Despite your pumping blood and the way that your fingertips tingle with your fear, a smile and laugh pressed to your lips as he fumbled to close the door behind him (although it was nearly closed by the time he fumbled for the metal brass door handle). Pushing up off the counter from where you were lying, you shut the textbook you had, waving off the new customer.

“No worries! Most people either overcompensate or can’t open the door at all,” you explained with a pinching smile, the laughter in your tone so noticeable despite your intent to keep your humor hidden. Your smile and softly thudding heart only seemed to increase stupidly as the red-headed man approached the cash register.

He was dressed horribly.

He wore an orange gym shirt, most definitely worn with age, and a bit too small on his… physique, navy blue basketball shorts that had white stripes on the side of his thigh, and black athletic crew socks with bright red crocs. 

A living, walking fashion disaster.

“Um,” you stifled a teasing snort, “what can I get for ya?”

The man (was he a himbo? he seemed like he could be one through his appearance alone!) crossed his arms across his chest, lower lip jutting out as he read the menu under his breath with curious, wide eyes. His head tilted to the side, his gaze seemingly stuck on a single area of the menu, and with all the curiosity of the world weighing down on you at this one, very moment, you turned behind you.

“Anything catching your eye?”

“This is… uh, this is my first time in here,” he admitted, his gaze falling from the menu, catching your own eye when you turned back around to face him. His eyes were wide, clear as they were alarmingly honest; he paused for a bit before eventually adding, “actually.”

“Well,” you began, your own honest smile brightening on your face, “lucky for you, I’ve tried everything on this menu. Pick your poison, I can tell you what everything tastes like.”

His eyes widen in what you can only recognize as being overwhelmed, but you try to hide the way your smile is turning into a smirk when he begins to list out drinks.

Drink after drink he names, most of them being dark, black, bitter-tasting coffees, and you can see some hesitation in him with each name he lists.

“You don’t seem to know what kinda coffee you like, huh?” you eventually point out once he’s had you repeat the entire menu for the dark roasts the shop had.

“That would be embarrassing if it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve never had coffee in my life before,” he laughed partially in embarrassment, but much more in some underlying mirth and energy, he seemed to easily hold. Energy that seemed to warm your chest more than any cup of coffee on a cold morning. “I’m what you could call a coffee virgin.”

Now that got a snort out of you.

“Okay, coffee virgin,” you teased, immediately grabbing a kids' throwaway cup behind the counter. “You should’ve started with that!”

“I didn’t want to come off as uncultured! I mean, I’m down at the university, the uni down the street, I’m a university student myself! But being twenty-one and never having coffee before? It just seems… I don’t know so unmanly!”

All while he was confessing the reason as to why he had never in his life had a single cup of coffee, you had poured the simmering black coffee that he was most interested in into the cup. It was filled with only a small amount of the black, bitter liquid, just enough to give him a good taste of the drink. Placing the kids' cup in front of him with a satisfactory thunk, you grinned up at him.

His hand was pressed to the back of his neck, an almost shameful look on his face with just the smallest blush brightening his cheeks and ear tips.

“I think it’s cool you’re a uni student without a coffee addiction,” you smile earnestly, pressing the kids' cup closer to him. “Shows a different kind of man that you’re able to handle a workload without a caffeine drip.”

If you didn’t know better (and honestly, you didn’t, you were probably projecting the weird stranger crush you had seamlessly formed on him), you would have said he forgot how to speak. He clears his throat, his embarrassment fading into a small, soft smile, and he picks up the cup.

“Thank you for the sample.”

He takes a drink of the warm liquid, and immediately he seems to crush the paper cup in his hand, a suppressed hysteric of coughing spluttering past his fisted hand on his mouth, tears springing into his eyes. You yelped in surprise, hands fluttering out to smack him on the arm in a failed attempt to reach his back.

“O-Oh my god!” he eventually wheezed, his eyes staring down at the crushed cup as if it was some sort of vermin, a creature that had no use being alive but still pitied it. His other hand wiped at his lips as to rid of its taste. His head snapped back towards you, his eyes wet with betrayal from both his thoughts and taste buds. “Can you do something, not this at all?!”

You purse your lips for a second, thinking about just what could suit his apparent dislike for bitter, black coffee. With a single idea in your head, you leaned forward onto the counter, a smile back on your lips.

“Do you like cinnamon rolls?”

He blinked.

“Who doesn’t?”

“For here or to go?” you asked, head tilting to the side before you eventually remembered that the shop was closing in a few minutes. “Actually, it’ll be to go!”

“O-Oh, okay!”

“Can I get a name?” you asked, your hand grabbing the paper cup and a sharpie to write his name. There was no reason for you to write down his name; he was the only person in the shop right now.

“K-Kiripima,” he answers with wide eyes and red cheeks. Your eyebrows scrunch.

“Kiripima?”

“No! I’m, oh my god, this is so unmanly of me,” he bemoaned, his head shaking. “Kirishima Eijirou! I’m Kirishima Eijirou!”

The pealing laughter that erupted from your mouth stood no chance at being silenced. And so with an embarrassed nod of your own, you pressed off the counter, writing his name was the neatest writing you had, before setting off.

You worked fast behind the counter, making the specialized drink just for the blushing himbo of a man before you, well, at least until he interrupted your chain of thoughts and actions.

“Biochem, right?”

Placing the cup where the steamed milk machine was, you turned to look at Kiri(p)shima, who was pointing at your textbook with an all too familiar look on his face that told you he recognized it.

“Unfortunately,” you smiled at him, eventually shrugging. “I also go to the uni down the street.”

“Aw damn, sucks I’ve never seen you there before!” he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck when he glances up at you from the textbook before looking back down. “I took this class last semester!”

“Oh? Who’d you have?” you asked, continuing on with your work, your suspicion of him being a himbo slightly dwindling.

“Chaney!” he responded, and you looked over at him; you had him this semester, too. “It was the worst! I dropped out the first week! Didn’t help that I thought biochem was a split biology and chemistry course… teaches me not to listen to Kaminari and Mina… ah, I mean, my friends!”

Himbo indeed.

Laughing at his flux in judgment, you placed the steaming cup of sweet, sweet coffee in front of Kirishima, hands pressing onto your hips as you did so.

“How about this?”

You watch as the redhead grins at you, picking up the cup of coffee and drinking it despite your last second squeak that it was probably way too hot to be consumed.

“HOLY SHIT! This is so much better! It tastes just like cinnamon rolls! Bro, you have some serious talent!” Kirishima yelled, his eyes not quite as bright, but his smile definitely still as warm. “How much will it be?”

“On the house,” you admitted with a shrug, your cheeks warming with his look of disbelief. “I took your, uh, coffee virginity away and nearly killed ya, it’s the least I could do!”

Kirishima narrows his gaze on you, his smile softening in tandem while he looks over at the menu again, taking another stiff sip of the coffee.

You watch as he takes his wallet out of his pocket, and with a little effort, pulls out two thousand yen.

“For the next few customers then, yeah?” he smoothly states, already moving back towards the door long before you could demand that he come back and take his money with him.

“Hey!” Kirishima yells, his hand had opened the heavy ass door with no problem or strain. “What's your name?”

“Why?!” you yelled back despite your instincts screaming at you to tell him your name.

His grin stretches so widely you take notice of his glinting, almost abnormally sharp canines from the counter. 

“So, I know who to blame for my caffeine addiction!”

You laugh.

“Y/l/n y/n,” you smile, your stomach flipping at the way he seems to brighten with that information. “I promise that’s my real name too, no mess-ups.”

Kirishima laughs, red staining his face.

“Guess we can’t all be as amazing as you, huh?”

You didn’t get the chance to even scream in your fluster because he was already gone. The heavy wooden door closed by the time your coworker emerged from the back, an all too curious look on their face.

“What was that?”

You shrug, a smile stretching further on your face.

“Hopefully, a new regular.”

T W O

“Kiripima!”

If there was a way for you to not giggle at the way Kirishima nearly slammed the door through the wall in his shock embarrassment, you would have liked to know.

“My name is Kirishima, y/l/n!” he yelled back, his cheeks the same color as his spiked hair. “I mean, if you want to call me Kiripima, that’s okay! It’s just… my name is Kiri-shima!”

“Sorry, sorry, Kiripima was too cute to resist!” you admitted with a smirk, your body leaning forward, elbows pressed onto the counter, hands pressed against your cheeks. “What can I get for you so late at night, Kiri-shima?”

Kirishima smiles broadly, his hands sinking into his pockets as he walks over towards you and the counter. He’s dressed much more normally today, he wore black jeans that are slightly dirty with some sort of white powder, and his shirt is a crimson red. It’s tight against his biceps but fits him much better than the last shirt he wore, and on the fabric right above his heart, lays a simple print: FATGUM’S GRUB.

“Nightshift, unfortunately, finally caught me this week!” Kirishima sighs, his shoulder-shrugging but the smile remaining just as firmly on his face. “It’s no biggie, though; it’s for one of my bros who needed the night off!”

“Oh, so you’re an everyday hero?” you tease, enjoying the way that he grins wide enough to show off his sharp canines before it humbles into an embarrassed smile. “How manly of you.”

“Nothing anyone else wouldn’t do,” he mumbled, his gaze falling to your shoulder in his embarrassment.

“Alright, alright, if you say so,” you relent, sighing softly before straightening up and smiling up at the red-haired man who was busy taking in your menu once again with significant hesitation. “What can I get for you this time, Kirishima?”

Kirishima’s eyes glinted over, a laugh once again rumbling in his chest before he sighed, “What do you suggest for me, y/l/n?”

And so, at nearly ten p.m., you stood behind the cash register, Kirishima’s coffee long since given to him, and the two of you were intently talking, laughter and enthusiastic yelling being exchanged fervently.

You learned his name was Kirishima Eijirou; he was twenty-one years old, born and raised in Musutafu. You knew that while yes, he most definitely a himbo (something you confirmed with strategic questions, and not straight up asking him), he was an engineering major! He played a ton of sports but seemed to prefer heavy contact sports, rugby, and soccer being his top choice of sport. You even found out that this man (who often used the term manly in a way that meant ‘approved by Kirishima’) was the biggest fan of the old movies and comic book hero Crimson Riot. You figured this out when he pulled out his phone to show you a picture of his new goldfish and accidentally revealed his lock screen being him and the famous actor behind the superhero.

“You’re telling me you’ve NEVER seen an All Might movie, but you’ve seen ALL the Crimson Riot movies?!” Kirishima yelled, his arms shooting out past the counter to grab you by the shoulders, shaking you intensely with the biggest, goofiest smile on his face.

“Be careful with your coffee!” you squealed, trying to keep his elbow from knocking over his cup that had still gone untouched.

“Y/L/N!” he exasperated, pulling himself in closer to you, his eyes wide and bright, quickly drowning you with his radiant energy and overwhelming enthusiasm. “Answer!!!”

“Oh my god! Yes, Kirishima! I have never seen an All Might film but have seen every single Crimson Riot film!” you confess, your cheeks hurting from your laughter, and growing sense of embarrassment because everyone in the world has seen the All Might movies!

Hell, even people who weren’t from Japan had seen them all!

The movie superhero was a blockbuster smash with every movie they did!

“Why not?! How not?!”

“Because my dad never let me watch them growing up because the guide warnings,” you wheezed, your stomach cramping with your laughter, your hands grabbing onto his sturdy ― and holy fuck, were they sturdy ― biceps trying to ease his excited(???) shaking. “Besides, my dad is a hardcore Crimson Riot fan; he would have a heart attack and die if he heard that I went to go watch an All Might film.”

“Holy shit,” Kirishima breathed, a glazed over glee washing over his face in some euphoric bliss. “Your dad… is so manly, I think I could marry him.”

Your laughter only grew when Kirishima wiped tears from his eyes, and you patted his arm in your condolences.

“I think he would not take to someone claiming to be the biggest Crimson Riot fan!”

Kirishima grin only grew, “Bet he wouldn’t!”

You tilted your head, your smile becoming a bit lopsided, ready to take that bet right there, right now. You knew your dad was most definitely still awake at this time.

But the words never got to pass your mouth because as soon as you opened your mouth to speak, a loud ringtone interrupted you.

You also hated the fact that you recognized the ringtone to be the Crimson Riots theme song.

Kirishima’s warm hands pulled away from you, his overeagerness abandoned as he pulled out his phone and pressed it to his ear without checking who was calling.

“It’s Ei, talk to me.”

The nickname of his first name caused your stomach to flip, his smooth baritone voice easily sending shivers down your spine. Still, with the mention of such an intimate nickname… the chill crawling down your spine, teasing every nerve in your system, was inevitable.

You watched Kirishima’s face. The way that he easily took in the words of whoever was on the other side of the line. The smile on his face remained if only muted just a bit as he agreed left and right with whoever was on the other side.

“Nah, I can get there in a few! Don’t worry about it, Fat, I normally show up early to shifts regardless, I don’t blame ya! Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah! Yeah! See ya soon!”

Disappointment blossomed in your chest, the horrible feeling of having to say goodbye to a customer who had only come in twice! Twice! Most times, you never wanted to see any customers, even some regulars, more than once in your lifetime! But again, there had been no other customer in your life as a barista that had been as kind, friendly, and hot as Kirishima.

“Well, I gotta go now,” Kirishima softly sighed, his lips pressing into a half-smile, his eyebrows scrunched together in his (maybe) reluctance to leave. “Fat, er, my boss, got overloaded with the late-night munchies, so…”

“Time for the fanboy to leave?” you finished for him, your fingers looping into your apron, your eyes glancing at the clock that showed you that you should’ve been cleaning up five minutes ago.

“Yeah, sadly!” Kirishima laughed, his hand grabbing the coffee and pocketing his phone as he made his way to the front door. You followed after him, ready to lock the door after him in case some desperate customer tried to come in. “Well, thank you for the coffee again! I gotta see just how much you know about the greatest superhero ever the next time I drop by!”

You smiled.

“Next time?”

Kirishima paused for a bit, “Yeah, next time!” he pushed through the front door, and you watched as he exited the shop, his body turning so he was looking at you while he walked backward. “I told ya, y/l/n, it's pretty unmanly of you, but you got me hooked on caffeine!”

There was no time for you to argue otherwise because he turned on his heel just as quickly and began jogging off to his own job.

“You’ll close up by yourself?” your bitchy coworker asked, and you startled, seeing that she was also pushing past the door. “You kept us over way later because you can’t stop flirting with the customers, which by the way, is against protocol.”

You roll your eyes.

“Yeah, whatever, bye.”

T H R E E

“Next in line, please!”

It was busy.

As you had once thought many, many weeks ago, the midterm season had finally come with full force, and it was horrible. There were at least four crying college students found in any of the studying rooms the shop had from sun up to sundown. Some of the students were found soaking their tears onto the worn leather sofa, some moments from dying on the plenty of counters and tables.

On multiple days there had been students who stayed the entire day, drinking whole pots worth of black coffee when they were ordinarily sweet coffee drinkers. You had to give some freshmen girl a tight hug the other day who was seconds from taking a W on her transcripts because she absolutely could no longer handle her math class. You had the unfortunate time of giving a student the news that no, today was not Thursday, it’s Friday, so yes… they missed their midterm for a professor who would refuse to reschedule any missed exam.

But it wasn’t all too bad.

Kirishima had been showing up practically every day now; he would order a pastry every time, opting out of a drink by showing you his three-liter water bottle. It was nice to have someone like Kirishima around (partially because you usually worked with a younger coworker,) who was both strong and sweet. He wasn’t majorly concerned about his midterms, stating that he had study groups with his friends and had been on top of his game and only came to the coffee shop to do light personal studying. So, during your mad dashes to make the 2,783rd cup of coffee within your shift, you couldn’t help but glance over at Kirishima, who was comforting crying students. When they weren’t crying, and you weren’t desperately trying to appease the caffeine raged customers, he chatted with you, seated on the counter by the coffee counter.

Having him around so much was actually both making your day better and much, much worse. On the one hand, that meant that since you were paired up with coworkers you didn’t get along with, you had a fantastic company that literally made the nights go by so fast as you and he became closer and closer friends. But, on the other hand, it also made your once attraction to him, having been solely based on physical looks to bleed over to personal traits, and you wanted to cry with every poor attempt of flirting that flew over his head.

However, you did get to learn that 1. he did, in fact, dye his hair red because you had the privilege of seeing his black roots. And that 2. despite his phone being filled with the craziest metal and rock songs, he really only listened to a playlist buried in his phone that was filled with soft acoustic guitar and sweet bubblegum pop songs. It was great.

But it was no time to think about your tall, red-headed crush. You had much more pressing issues with the large coffee crowd in front of you. It was rush hour, and since you were scheduled for tonight's shift, they asked if you wanted more hours for today since they were training someone new.

Obviously, you had agreed.

You had forgotten the horrors of rush that included sleep-deprived, caffeine-infused insanity of students coupled with the ever-demanding adults with jobs that they very much needed to return too. It was always horrific.

But you for sure never expected to see your crush before you.

“Kiri!” you smiled, the smile on your face was one of pure exhaustion and joy of seeing your friend crush. Your gaze quickly dropped away from him, your eyes returning to the paper cups you held, writing in their orders and name as quickly as you could. “How can I help you?”

Kirishima visibly gulped, and you froze a bit before setting down the large order on the counter for your coworkers to eventually get to. You knew by the pile-up on orders you would be switched out with the new hire after Kirishima and the person behind him.

“I, uh, I need to ask you something!” Kirishima spoke sharply, his arms stiff at his side. His usual kind and gentle smile on his face is mechanic and dull. He was… he was sweating? Pity filled your stomach; maybe he had done terribly on a midterm.

“Do you need a new coffee rec?” you immediately ask your mind on the set menu behind you, trying to come up with a coffee just sweet enough for the charming man in front of you. “You haven’t had a drink in a while, I don’t remember what you had last, though.”

“No, not that! I have a… well, I have a confession!” Kirishima tries again, his body somehow becoming even stiffer as he nods his head in growing speeds. “Yup! A confession!”

“Would ya hurry it up, kid! Some of us got work to get to!” came a crabby voice from behind Kirishima, and you winced, looking past your crush to the eldering man who looked like he was eating and shitting stress every day for the past three years. 

“Sir, please calm down, it won’t take too long,” you frowned, not at all happy with the sheer impatience of the customer. You turned back to Kirishima, an apologetic look on your face. “But a confession? Okay, well, actually… I have one for you as well!” Maybe you could get yourself to confess you liked him?

But the old man’s interruption seemed to have calmed Kirishima down significantly, who snapped out of his haze.

“Sorry, sorry!” he apologized to the man behind him, bowing deeply for his troubles before facing you again and laughed. The palm of his hand hit his forehead as he groaned lowly. “Sorry, this is so unmanly of me, y/l/n! I mean, I shouldn’t even be doing this because you’re working, but I finally… I just…”

He trailed off, and you found it impossible to follow his train of thought, something you weren’t too bad at doing.

“Just what?”

It was with that the world seemed to still.

The noise of the busy coffee shop, the hustling of your coworkers, the chattering of the studying students, and business calls going mute as you stared up into Kirishima’s red, comprehensive, honest eyes.

“Well, it’s just that I, um, I--”

“Listen, kid,” the man behind Kirishima snapped at him. “I have twelve minutes to gather my drink and make it back to my meeting with my executive board. And you’re holding up the damn fucking line! Make up your mind on what coffee you want, because you’ve been in this line with me for almost ten minutes, order it and pay! Let’s get moving!”

“Sir!” you gasped, horrendously mortified a customer was acting like that! “That’s incredibly rude! He hasn’t even been here for a minute!”

“It’s actually been three!” he sneered.

You opened your mouth to retaliate, not at all positive if it had been three minutes because by god did you get lost in Kirishima’s eyes.

“No!” Kirishima interrupted you before you could begin, and you looked up at Kirishima, who looked like a kicked puppy, and that sent your heart into a whole series of palpitations you didn’t know would happen with him. “It’s fine, sorry, I got worked up… um… one of my best bros likes his coffee black, and well, I like it now too. A regular black coffee, to go…”

You didn’t even get a chance to say anything, Kirishima slipping the exact amount of money for the drink before disappearing into the crowd.

Your sight narrowed when it befell onto the old man who looked proud of himself, “Finally! Now, let me see what you guys have! I don’t know what I want!”

F O U R 

Kirishima was late.

So late, so very, very late.

He checked his phone for the time yet again, somehow praying that in the last time he had checked his phone (which had been three seconds ago), the time hadn’t shot forward by ten minutes, and by the spirit of god had maybe, possibly rewound by ten minutes. He only hoped that he wouldn’t show up too late today; he actually needed something with caffeine to keep him awake today.

But he saw the coffee shop straight ahead, the small white light by the front door still buzzing and bright with the illuminated: OPEN! sign. Kirishima barreled through the front door with now practiced and known strength, his forehead sweating profusely, and his heart hammering in his throat.

“I’m… here!” he panted, his eyes finding yours as you were cleaning up the counter with a disinfecting liquid and cloth.

He had seen you yesterday, but still, seeing you at the counter, your gaze on what you were doing was like an arrow to his lungs. He looked at you in his personal slowed downtime, the way that the halo of frizzy, curly, flyaways from your hair gleamed softly with the backlight, the warmth of your skin, the gentle flutter of your eyelashes as you looked up, and he was met with the depth pool of your warm eyes.

Beautiful.

His eyes fell onto your lips, and noticed they were moving ever so slightly, and he realized that he couldn’t hear what you were saying.

All the tables had been wiped down, the chairs by the table turned upside down, laying on the tabletops. The floor still streaked with what was definitely a mop, and guilt bubbled in his stomach. You were closing up, and by the looks of it, were nearly done as well. 

Kirishima paused, he was here one minute before closing, and he froze. The heavy wooden door closing behind him with an awkwardly loud thud that only seemed to thunder in his ears as the world finally caught up.

“―anything?”

Kirishima blinked, his cheeks exploding with heat.

“What?”

He hadn’t heard you utter a single word.

He watched the way your lips pulled into an endearing, yet slightly exasperated smile, your eyes rolling.

“Did you want anything?” you repeated, hands placed on your hips in a taunting, near commanding way. “Coffee’s still on the pot, so if you want anything, let me know!”

“Did you already clean up?” Kirishima asks, his eyes falling to the floor to find the different wet streaks on the tile and avoid them if his shoe was dirty. He stops when he sees the cleaned and cleared coffee counter, and guilt floods him. “It looks like you’re mostly cleaned up; I don’t want you to get things dirty again, it’s okay.”

“It’ll take me five minutes tops to clean back up!” you retort, hands already moving to grab a to-go cup for him to have.

“No, no!” Kirishima exclaims, moving back towards the door as fast as he could. He didn’t want to cause you more work, and if anything, he would just wait for you to leave the shop, and he would simply walk you back to your apartment! That seemed like the more manly thing to do, right? “It’s okay! I’m okay! I’ll live without a cup!”

You snorted, slamming the cup onto the counter with definitive intentions, “Don’t be ridiculous, coffee addict!” you pointed to the spot before the cash register, pen in hand as you readied to write down his order. “Come. Don’t be silly! Can you turn off the open sign for me, though! What do you want?”

“I feel bad,” Kirishima frowns, turning off the neon light per request before turning back towards you. His hands stuffed into his pockets. “You don’t have to do this.”

“No, I don’t have to,” you say with a grin and a roll of your eyes. “But since I’m the reason your addiction is a thing, I’m more than happy to deal with the consequences, Kiri.”

There’s a beat, and Kirishima walks to the counter, his lower lip jutted out in a small pout, but the energetic smile painted on your lips melts his pout into a smile immediately.

“What do you suggest?”

“Café de Olla.”

His face scrunches at the so, very not Japanese words that come from your mouth.

“Cafe de la what?”

He watches your smile brighten by a tenfold, enjoying the way your eyes easily glitter with your mirth as you turn away from him.

“Café de Olla,” you repeat again, and he can only assume it’s Spanish. “It’s a Mexican coffee, that one of the transfer students we hired from Mexico introduced us to!” Kirishima watched as you went to a small pot of coffee, put a cleaned ladle in, and eventually poured in a slightly steaming cup of dark coffee. “I can’t remember the ingredients, but the main one is cinnamon! I know you like cinnamon, and since you’re a big boy black coffee drinker now, I think you’ll like it!”

Kirishima missed the teasing look on your face when you placed the truly dark coffee in front of him.

“Um,” Kirishima nervously laughed, staring at the cup of dark liquid before him. He hated black coffee. “Are you… are you gonna put any sugar or milk in it?”

“Nope! Drink up, handsome!”

Kirishima whimpered at both the nickname you had been calling him as of late and the coffee before him. Eventually, he picked up the warm cup, not at all deceived by the warm, sweet aroma of the cup of coffee in his hand ― the black coffee had smelled sweet too. Not one to back down, especially as you were in the process of cleaning up for the day, he took a hesitant, gentle sip of the coffee and froze.

Despite the bitter, dark persona the steaming cup gave, the liquid was sweet.

Very sweet.

It was light in its spice, warming him gently, and giving him a world of flavors he hadn’t been aware of. He drank the rest of it eagerly.

“Good, right?!” you exclaimed excitedly, having caught onto what Kirishima already knew to be his unmistakable likeness. “I wasn’t too sure of it at first either! I mean, I don’t really dabble with straight black coffee, but this just hits differently!”

Kirishima placed his sample down, the back of his hand rubbing his wet lips, his smile wide and excited. He couldn’t believe he actually liked a cup of coffee! “That was SO good, fuck! I didn’t think I was going to like that! Can I have a cup of this?”

He watched as you nodded your head excitedly, more stray pieces of hair falling out of place, framing your face even more as you grabbed the cup and made due to filling it up. Kirishima watched you the entire time you filled his cup up, his fingers blindly holding his bills of cash to give to you.

‘I’m going to do it,’ he thought as you placed a lid on the cup.

‘You got this!’ he encouraged himself as you walked over, handing off the warm cup into his hands. He softly smiled at the feeling of your warm, soft fingers brushing familiarly against his own.

‘DO IT!’

“Y-Y/l/n―”

“Babycakes, are you done out here?!” a voice hollered, and Kirishima stilled when a face emerged from the back. “I’m exhausted and ready to go!”

He watched as a tall girl with green eyes and brown hair emerged from the back room, her arms stretched precariously over her head, stepped into the bar. And the world slowed when her arms quickly enveloped you.

It was then that he remembered what you had said yesterday. The way that your face morphed from apologetic to bashful, the fluster in your eyes, and the way you bit your lip nervously as you said you had something to confess to him… was she… your confession?

“Ami!” you spluttered, and Kirishima watched the way the girl who was draped over your body, much taller than you were, smile at you endearingly as you, in your fluster, failed to get her off. “Kirishima ― a customer is here!”

The word customer echoed like a bell in the world's deepest cave in Kirishima’s ear.

He was just…

He was just a customer, after all.

His smile faded from a genuine one to a phony one as he watched your coworker/girlfriend fight you on showing affection, and eventually, you won. 

“S-Sorry about that!” you stammered, trying to fix your outfit, your hair chaotically was undone. His throat nearly sealed off when your pristine eyes locked back up his; he felt light under your gaze, but oh, so, cold. “You were saying?”

“Just… um, thank you!” Kirishima mustered a feeble laugh, his hand grabbing the coffee in his hand, and without so much as a goodbye, he left the coffee shop. Your echoing salutation doing nothing but making him nauseous as heartbreak overtook him.

F I V E 

The last time you had seen Kirishima, you served him the café de olla during that night, which was weeks ago.

By weeks you meant nearly two months; finals season had just finished.

Despite your obvious disappointment in not seeing the one person you were enamored with, you reasoned with yourself with every disappointing redhead who would enter the coffeeshop that you had never asked for his phone number, and he was an engineering student. He had to be busy.

Even if he wasn’t busy, you tried to reason, your brow set in a knit position as you washed the ceramic cups in the sink, he had every reason to never show back up again. He wasn’t your boyfriend or anything…

Thankfully, you heard the all too familiar sound of the front door being opened, and now with new company policy, you called out in greetings.

“Welcome!”

You quickly patted your hands dry on your apron, knowing that your coworker was on break at the moment, and turned to the entrance of the shop, and froze.

It was an all too familiar head of bright red spikes.

“Kiri!” you exclaimed happily, rushing over to the register with a bright, wide smile as you restrained yourself from flinging over the counter and hugging him tightly. Of course, that would have been both unprofessional and probably pushing the boundaries of your friendship/one-sided affections. “It’s been so long, how are you?!”

Kirishima stood on the other side of the counter, his hands shoved into his blue hoodie pocket, his eyes for the first time ever almost empty, the smile you knew he wore almost religiously, nowhere to be seen. In lieu of the smile, were lips pressed into a stout line, his face puckered just slightly enough as if he had smelled something sour moments before.

What was going on?

“You okay?” you ask, your once outstretched arms retracting into yourself, seeing that he was not reciprocating your movements. Your head tilted. “Did something happen?”

“Yeah, Ei,” came a new voice. “Is something wrong?”

You almost startled when a girl with curly, pink hair seemed to appear from behind Kirishima. She had eyes of liquid gold, and a teasing smile on her face as she nudged Kirishima. “What’s going on?”

Your stomach flips in unwelcomed jealousy, your teeth biting the inside of your cheek in hopes that the girl wouldn’t catch on.

When the seconds felt like minutes of silence, the girl merely sighed, her attention focusing onto you with a look of slight mischief.

“Please excuse my friend―” you relax with the f word― “we’ve been friends since grade school, and he’s never been like that! Maybe he caught a bug during breakfast?”

“Mina…” Kirishima spoke softly, not quite a warning, not quite a whine.

“You must be the famous ‘y/l/n,’ I’ve heard so much about you!” the girl ― Mina ― exclaimed excitedly, her hands grabbing yours while nodding excitedly. “When I heard that Ei hadn’t gone for coffee in so long, I obviously had to force him to come! That and he totally made one of our friends throw away my coffee, and I need the coffee in my bloodstream to survive my dumb classes!”

The one-sided tension between you and Mina expelled quickly.

“Kiri hasn’t been here in a while, but I’m sure he’s got his reasons,” you defend your crush, your smile soft as you traded your locked gaze on Mina to look at Kirishima, who weakly, barely, horribly returned the smile. “But I can definitely help with the coffee! What can I get for you?”

“Good question…” Mina sighed, her eyes studying the menu with practiced skill.

Eventually, Mina ordered a chai tea latte with an oat milk substitution, a pump of caramel, and two shots of espresso. She squealed with delight when you placed her order in front of her, and maybe had you not been excited to get Kiri’s answer, you would have noticed the way his friend strategically walked towards the door to give you two your space.

“So, how can I help ya, handsome?” you ask, your smile back to full power, although a bit shy, unaffected by the brick wall of a man before you. “We’re out of the café de olla right now, but if you don’t mind waiting fifteen minutes, I can make you a fresh batch!”

That’s a lie, the pot of Mexican coffee is still completely filled, ready for Kirishima should he want it. But you were selfish; you were trying to get him to stay longer.

“Nah, that’s okay,” Kirishima shakes his head. “I don’t wanna bug ya. I’ll just take a caramel latte, no worries.”

Disappointment rams through you, but you try your best at hiding it.

“Oh, okay! I’ll get that started for you!” you try to chirp, grabbing a to-go cup and beginning the relatively short task. “How’ve you been?” you ask, trying to initiate old conversations.

“Good.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear! How were your finals? Mine was terrible! I had a professor who forgot what time section we were, so not only were we given only thirty minutes to finish the exam, but there was no compensation for his mistake!”

“Wow… that sucks. Mine were fine.”

“Nothing crazy happened?”

“No.”

“Um, okay… well, did you see that the animated Crimson Riot movie is out?!” you ask, pathetically hopeful that the biggest conversation card you held right now would give you something better than these simple, halfhearted responses. The movie had had no promos, just a message from the local theaters that it had been made and to come and watch it.

“Yup.”

…

“Oh, that’s cool! I just found out this morning when my dad called me! I’m not near home, so I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come and watch it with me?”

You froze. Was that a date you had asked him out on? It was, wasn’t it?! Your face exploded with heat, your fingers trembling as you poured the finished hot coffee into the cup. 

“...I’d rather not.”

Oh.

“T-That’s okay! I’m sure I can find a friend or something to go watch it with me… or I’ll just wait until a holiday to see it with my dad… if it’s still out.”

“Hopefully, it’s still out by then,” Kirishima muttered, his face refusing to look at you, his eyes buried into his wallet as he handed you the change for his drink. “Thanks.” he rushed, grabbing his cup and turning on his heel.

“What’s wrong with you?” you manage to ask before you can keep your mouth shut, but you can’t help it. Your chest aches with his dismissal, with every sentence he spoke that horribly and effectively shut you down before you even had a chance. In the end, it seemed that your hurt feelings won out your need to be polite. “Did something happen? A-Are you okay? Did I do something?”

Kirishima freezes in his path.

“No, nothing happened.”

That was not the answer you were hoping to get.

“Then why are you acting like this?” you ask, your voice bordering a desperate plea for an answer.

For the past many weeks, you had never once thought that he had been avoiding you, ignoring you. You thought that maybe he had just been busy with his personal life, too busy with school and work to spare his free time entertaining you at work. But even if you were disillusioned with your admiration and feelings for him, you knew the two of you were friends. You had to have been friends!

Silence.

“What’s going on?” you ask again, your voice feeling small and weak.

“Nothing,” Kirishima reiterates, his head turning so you both looked at each other through the corner of his eyes. “Nothing happened, I just… couldn’t show up.”

“Why?”

“I don’t like being around you, not anymore.”

Those words wash over you like freezing water; they’re harsh, cruel, and mean. His face twisting up as if he was some snarling, upset animal. He didn’t want to be here, his face screamed, he felt like some cornered, caged animal.

Muted anger and heartache wash over you, your head nodding numbly as you laugh humorlessly. You had been the problem.

“Sorry for… for making you feel obligated in showing up,” you whisper, your soul feeling as though it was leaving your body, your face twisted in the horribleness in his words.

I don’t like being around you, not anymore.

He wasn’t even apologizing… he’d meant it… didn’t he?

Kirishima moves to walk away, his eyes glazed over similarly to your own, but you’re not done. Not quite yet.

“You know,” you manage to speak out, your voice starting off paltrily, an almost chuckle tickling the back of your throat, humming deeply in your chest. He stops. “This entire time, you always boasted about being ‘manly’… about being chivalrous and a decent human being. For the most part, I’ve always agreed and thought that you were manly, chivalrous, and a more than decent human being but now… I can’t believe you. You really came all this way after two months of avoiding me to tell me that you would never be showing up again? That the reason for you not returning was because you’re sick of me?”

He’s silent for a bit, and it's then you notice the tears falling down your face, “Thought it was manlier to tell you I wasn’t coming back then to stop showing up without a reason.”

“You already did that!” you snapped, suddenly piercing, thundering anger running through every cell of your body, raising the hair on your body. “You’re being a complete fucking dick now, Kirishima! For what? At least before I thought it was because you’re busy, but no, you just had to tell me it was because of me! Oh my god?! To think I have a crush on you?! That I was ready to confess to you the next fucking time we had a moment together?!”

You felt hysterical, his reasoning jumbling and twisting in your mind, not at all feeling coherent, and your blazing feelings that were now biting you in the ass… you wanted to make him feel guilt most of all. With tears falling bitterly, angrily down your face, you stared at Kirishima. He was finally facing you, looking you dead on with emotion-filled eyes and a gaping fish mouth ― opening and closing pathetically.

“Get out,” you spoke with a serenity you were not quite feeling, your finger thrust toward the front door.

“Y-Y/l/n―”

“I don’t want to hear it,” you laugh bitterly, no longer wanting to have whatever it is that he wanted to say.

He was just a customer, not a friend, only a customer.

You didn’t need to be his friend anymore.

“Get. Out. Now.”

You didn’t wait for him to leave, turning on your heel, you walked to the backroom, not daring to return to the front until he left.

You’d forgotten how much rejection hurt.

O N E 

Whoever said heartbreak was healed with a wild night out, a pint of ice cream and crying had clearly been built differently from you.

One wild night out with your friends, two pints of ice cream, and thirty crying sessions later, you were still sulking as you simply existed. You weren’t even sure why you were overreacting either?! He had been a crush, not a boyfriend!

Lord save you for whenever an actual reciprocated lover dumped you, you were probably never going to recover. Still, you couldn’t let it affect you all that much; you were still going about your day as you usually would, just… sulking.

“You’re a blessing in my life,” your coworker sighed as she came out from the back, her hands moving to release her hair from her bun, her purse slung against her chest as she continued to thank you. “I promise you the next time we work together, I’ll clean up on my own!”

You shake your head, waving her off as you dried some of the dishes lying about. 

“We aren’t busy, and there’s no one here, I’ll clean up just fine!” you laugh, glancing over your shoulder to look at her. “Just buy me a pastry tomorrow or something. I’ve closed on my own many times, I’ll be fine! There's no coffee demand this late at night anyway!”

“Fine! I won’t forget! But don’t complain if there’s more than one pastry!”

“Oh my god, LEAVE!” you yell, blindly pointing at the door for her to leave, and you hear her resounding laughter as she finally does go.

“Oops, sorry, welcome and excuse me!” you hear her exclaim as she steps out, and you turn around, already knowing that it’s a customer.

Taking your coworkers' welcome as the company greeting, you merely shouted out that you’d be right with them as you finished washing ― you were almost done with them anyways. Finally done, you turned around, eyes on your thighs as you dried your hands on your apron.

“Alright, how can I help…” you froze when you caught sight of familiar, warm red eyes. “...you.”

Kirishima.

He looked at you with blushing, puffed cheeks, his eyes full of mixing, swirling emotions that you probably couldn’t handle to hear (especially if he had come to yell at you). You don’t know what to do, merely looking at him before sighing.

“The usual?” you ask, moving to get things as smoothly and effortlessly as you could (you had been yelled at for your emotional outburst by your boss).

“Uh, actually, no. I’m okay,” Kirishima spoke up as soon as you pulled out a paper cup, and you stopped, looking at him with your best attempt at dull, emotionless eyes.

“What can I get for you then?” you try again, hating the way that you want to smile at him, to pretend that nothing happened two weeks ago; that this was his first time back.

“I have to confess something,” Kirishima states, his fingers fisting into his ridiculous mismatched athleisure clothing. “I actually really, really, really hate coffee…”

You blinked.

You hadn’t expected that confession.

“Um, okay? Well, then can I make you some―”

“I’m not quite done, sorry,” Kirishima apologized, his hand rubbing the back of his neck in his embarrassment. “I hate coffee, and I don’t like being dishonest, but really, I feel like I’ve been lying to you this entire time.”

“...what?”

“I told you at some point that I had come into this shop by coincidence, but that’s not true! I’ve been passing by for months before stepping foot into here! I had always seen you working through the front window, and you just… you captivated me from that very moment, but I’ve been too weak, nervous, and totally unmanly and could never build up the courage to come in! It took me a year to build up the courage to come in ― which is why I nearly broke the front door that first day! I was so nervous about messing up; I just overexerted my strength!”

Kirishima laughed, his hands raking through his spiked hair, and you could only stare at him as the gelled hair began to fall under his ministrations.

“See, the truth is, I’ve liked you for a long time. Like a long time. And then, when I came in, and we became friends, I only fell for you even more, and I’ve been trying to work up the courage to confess to you! But every time I tried, something bad happened! Like the grouchy old man in the line, how you got sick and couldn’t work! But a true man doesn’t give up until it’s over… and I thought that girl who was hugging you and kissing your cheek that one day was your girlfriend, so I gave up! But the thing is, I was a coward, so fucking unmanly that I couldn’t be around you without you being mine! And so I left because it hurt… but it hurt not being around you, so Mina brought me here! But then you said… you said you liked me back, and unless you’re in a polyamorous relationship, there’s no way for you to have said feelings and confess them to me like that!”

He stopped, his breath frantic, panting, and you could only look up with him with a mirrored breathing pattern despite your quietness.

“I’m here because I’m tired of being weak and unmanly. I’m here because I have deep feelings for you, and I want to ask you out!”

You’re silent for a bit, the temerity of his words loud and clear in your ears, ringing with the need to be addressed. For the first time since he had walked out of your life for the first time, a warmth bubbled in your chest.

“You know,” you whisper, your eyes locked with his, the tears in your eyes freely showing. “This coffee shop does, in fact, have tea?”

“Wha―?”

He doesn’t have the chance to finish the curious ask, your hands grabbing his shirt and bringing him close, his nose brushing against yours but your lips hovering below his own.

“Can I kiss you?” you whisper, your eyes falling to his lips for a second before coming back to his eyes that shone brightly, vividly, excitedly.

“Please?”

Your lips found themselves pressed against his, and the two of you stood there, leaning against the counter by the cash register. Lips passionately, smoothly, deeply pressing against one another as electricity traveled slowly down your spine as his hands pressed against your ribcage. When you pulled away, his eyes fluttered open after yours, and he had the brightest, dumbest smile on his face.

“Would you like to go see the Crimson Riot movie with me?”

[ladyhindsight]

The incest gets worse because this time it is real.

There is such a ridiculous amount of em dashes used in this book and on this chapter alone. → “There was a buzzing in Simon’s ears. If he’d had a heartbeat, he...”

Showing in mint green, telling in pink. The sentence would do well without the telling, or: “Simon was fast on his feet and spinning around in the darkness of the cell.”

When I said that the only characters having true chemistry were Jace and Simon, the fact that the scenes with Simon bring Jace’s snarky self forth from the annoying, tormented, angsty mess he has been in this book really sells it.

To quote the wikipedia: 

“ All Shadowhunters who recognize the authority of their leaders and of the majority of their kind as a whole make up the Clave. When Shadowhunters reach adulthood at the age of eighteen, they declare their allegiance to the Clave and become full-fledged Clave members, with rights to contribute to any Clave issue under discussion. They continue to be members unless they choose to renounce their membership for some reason, or are dismissed.” (read 8/2021)

Yet the Clave is consistently throughout the series presented as this faceless entity and homogeneous group that is spearheaded by anyone in the lead at the moment. Clave is essentially everyone yet not everyone believes what Aldertree is trying to sell. The whole Clave includes also the Lightwoods who, by the way, are also held in high suspect. Clave is the idiot antagonist who believes everything the villain is lying about but at the same time many Good Guy characters we know are also part of the Clave. All I’m trying to say is that the representation of Clave is incoherent and confusing.

Simon doesn’t even like Jace and sees how tormented he is, see!  It’s a contrived move to use Simon’s character to win Jace sympathy points. 

This is finicky, but pebbles hitting a window wouldn’t make the sound like hailstones on a metal roof. Additionally, how many pebbles and how fast is Sebastian throwing them for it to be comparable to hailstones that really never come down just couple at a time?

Participle phrase indicates concurrency. Clary can’t do both at the same time.  → “She shut the window and hurried downstairs.”

Also no comma just because there is no reason to overuse em dashes. → “It was late morning. The light pouring in through the windows...”

Not in some surprise? Even a little surprised? 

Clary removed her eye and put it to the slats.

I’m bored with these parenthetical sentences that really serve more as a subtext than needing to be told outright. “To swing himself up onto the horse behind her” indicated that Clary is already on the horse. Whether Sebastian helped her or Clary got into the saddle on her own is irrelevant, though I know this shows how chivalrous Sebastian is. 

And again, concurrency. Wayfarer can’t take off and pound over the road at the same time. It has to take off first, then the pound over the road. → “Wayfarer took off like a shot and pounded over the graveled road with...”

This chapter includes many interrupting clauses to add more information but in most of the cases the problem is in the sentence structure rather than the clauses not fitting anywhere else in the sentence or paragraph.

→”Clusters of the same delicate flowers she’d seen in the necropolis with Luke starred the hills like occasional snowfall.”

→ “He gestured for her to dismount.”

No comma.

IRRELEVANT! More immediacy and less excuses for Clary knowing what she knows, i.e. less filtering.  → “”Sebastian?” she said again, but it was hopeless: He couldn’t see or hear her.”

There is no cohesion how people see the Lightwoods (which is realistic). Some think they are Valentine’s spies and others think the tattle everything to the Clave, both of which are pretty untrue, as it is seen later on. It’s just delightful that it’s always either or. So much doubt.

Aside from the fact that I despise this whole passage, the highlighted part really annoys me. I’ve discussed this before in length but it still stirs something in me that is solely on Alec to make grand gestures and right the wrongs when Magnus is being incredibly immature (especially for a man of his experience and age), rather talks shit about Alec to Clary, and refuses to communicate his issues to Alec which, funnily enough, is the very basis of a healthy relationship.

→ “A sharp smell of burning in the air.” → “A sharp burning-like smell in the air.”

Again, no comma before ‘and’. Also again, concurrency. → ““We’re going,” she insisted. She grabbed him by the arm and half-dragged him towards Wayfarer.”

Well, well, well. We meet again, ‘clearly’. 

→ “He knew what he was doing, she thought as he reached around her to take the reins. It was good that one of them did.” → “He knows what he’s doing, she thought as he reached around her to take the reins. At least one of us does.”

What kind of a hyper horse Wayfarer is that Sebastian needs to shout in Clary’s ear while riding? Also “by shouting in her ear” doesn’t need to be in parentheses.

Those are not extraordinary things. Just in the last book a boatload of Shadowhunters were ready to fight Valentine for the Mortal Instruments. Also Clary contributed very little to Simon’s rescue from Hotel Dumort. Jace did all the work.

And then the awkward part. To preface this, Jace and Clary’s scenes are easy to read because we know they are not related. It’s not really yucky rather than me wondering how was this alright in the first place and why should I empathize with characters who think they are related and pine for each other and are in incredible pain because of it? Why should I care that Jace is in complete torment for not being able to be with Clary and clearly caring so much about her? This scene, on the other hand, was full-on yucky. And cringy. I forgot how cringy, and I didn’t like to be reminded.

Oh, wait. This was the truly yuckiest part of them all. How do you reflexively lean into a kiss? It’s not a fucking reflex! (Also, no ‘sudden’, just a fierce longing.)

I realize I honestly have nothing constructive to say about this. The writing is terribly cringy, and the emotion the kissing scene and the way how Sebastian advances on Clary try to convey fills me with Great Aversion.

Clary’s leaps in intuition are truly the driving force in the series. It is also so ridiculously easy juxtaposition how Jace just feels right and Sebastian just feels wrong. In addition, I hate the repetition of the Fierce Longing That Surged here.  

No reason to use em dashes when good ol’ periods will do.

I love how convenient the hair dye that Sebastian used is to the plot. It’s not powdery because the dye is like ink, and also that would be stupid. But what hair dye comes off like that (like ink stains) from canoodling? NOTHING. 

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

Deleted Scenes: A Character Study (Part 1)

Longer title -- “Deleted Scenes: if the Criminal Minds writers had any idea how to incorporate dramatic back story into a working narrative, A Character Study”

Every once in a while I get impassioned about something that happens in the show, or more importantly that doesn’t happen in the show -- but should have. This will probably be one of at least a handful, but for now, enjoy the pinnacle of my rage. Fueled by all the OPENINGS for Hotch to talk about his past and the writers taking advantage of NONE OF THEM, but this was my breaking point.

Rating: General 

Warnings: mentions of past child abuse

Pairing: none

Characters: Hotch, JJ

Episode, and placement: Season 10, Episode 05, “Boxed In”; after the episode 

Word count: 2,404

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796501/chapters/73302726

--

A Prime Example

--

Very few things get to Aaron Hotchner. Especially things that are said with no relatable context to him or the details people don’t know about his life. His past, in particular. He pushes them back in compartmentalized little boxes, carefully labeled and sorted and set aside to be unpacked at a later date. They aren’t important when he’s on a case. When a twelve-year-old boy is missing and his life hangs in the balance. When time is of the essence. 

Which is why, on numerous occasions, he lets the things people say slide. 

Especially on the topic of Nature versus Nurture. 

He, himself, has written a handful of papers and reports on the very argument. There’s no doubt that Nature and Nurture have complicated roles in why ‘bad people do bad things’, in layman's terms. But the stigma surrounding it, cutting it into a black and white, all or nothing scenario will always rub him the wrong way. Not because he believes in it, one way or the other, but because he lives it. Day after day. 

It’s not his team’s fault that they don’t know that. Hotch keeps those parts of his life to himself. Lessons only he has learned, and has grown from, and keeps as careful guidelines. 

Until this case.

“I guess we all become our parents at some point.”

The way JJ had said this -- steady, with no hesitation, despite the choice in phrasing indicating it could be a right or wrong assumption -- gave the statement an air of inevitability. Creating a precedent in her mind that set Hotch's teeth on edge, though it had not been the appropriate moment to correct her on it. But it's not the first time JJ has said something along those lines. 

“Does the son of a sociopath even really have a chance?” 

Not a lot gets to Aaron Hotchner. Every other remark, observation, detail of an unsub’s correlation between their upbringing and their crimes he doesn’t let sting his exposition. It has never affected him before, and he vowed it never will. His father doesn’t get to take that away from him, too.

But the inevitability of her statement, indicating it was only a matter of time. No matter what he has done with his life or the person he has worked so hard to become and imbody, ultimately it wouldn’t matter in the end. That one day, Aaron Hotchner would be just like his father. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to live with himself, if that were to happen. 

That single, throw-away sentence, with a pedestrian phrasing he has heard over and over again, gets to Hotch. It buries itself in him like a tick and refuses to let go, not for tweezers or fire or smothering indifference. It is still there, echoing in his head as if shouted down a long tunnel, even after they get back to Quantico and are finishing up the closing paperwork later that week. He finds himself barely able to glance at JJ for longer than a moment without hearing her words once more, and Hotch berates himself for it. Over and over again. This is why he shuts it all down and doesn’t talk about it. This is why he keeps it buried, where it will never resurface. It interferes with the present, with his work and his friendships and his relationship with his son. 

His past needs to stay dead and buried in a plot in rural Virginia, where it belongs.

“I have those reports for you, Hotch,” JJ says, as if procured by his musings. He glances up for the briefest of moments, barely a blink, to acknowledge her and nod in thanks as she leaves the folders on his desk. Then he’s turning back to the SWAT team justification reports and expects that to be the last of it. Drowning himself in his work, where everything is strict codes and formal speech patterns and no emotional influence whatsoever.

Which is why he is surprised to hear JJ address him, again. Never having left his office. 

“Sir?” The formal term catches his attention even more. “Is everything alright? Did something happen after you missed Halloween night?”

“What?” The question genuinely throws him off, though it doesn’t show on his face. He had missed Halloween, the first time he had ever done so, but Jack understood. He was always much more accepting of the parameters of Hotch’s job than Haley ever was. It was all he’s ever known. “Oh, no -- Jack had a fun night. Slept on the couch so I could see him in his costume when he got home. How was Henry’s night?”

“He and Will had a great time,” JJ answers, her careful, worried expression not waning in the face of Hotch’s slightly more upbeat tone. It’s something he slips into subconsciously when speaking about Jack, or to Jack, or anywhere Jack might hear. Compartmentalization. “I just… noticed you seem off.”

Hotch nods once, in acknowledgement, because he knows he has. He’s working on it. There was no need for an intervention like this. He’s the Team Leader and Unit Chief, he wasn’t the one people were supposed to be checking on.

“Delayed reaction to the case,” he answers, looking back to the SWAT team report and signing off on another section for mobilization after hours. Overtime justifications. Bureaucracy needs the ‘i’s dotted and ‘t’s crossed. “Nothing to worry about.” 

JJ takes pause, and still doesn’t make for the door of his office. Like she needs to elaborate somehow, now that Hotch has left a small crack of an opening into his inner sanctum. 

“I know we all have cases that hit us too close to home,” she concedes, the start of a much longer speech. “Young boys, even the troublemakers --”

“No, JJ, I appreciate the concern,” Hotch interrupts, and does his best to appease her by keeping the hardness off his face. “But it’s nothing to do with Jack or facts we found. It’s a personal matter.” 

“Of course, it’s just --”

Years ago, that would have been that and JJ would have left his office. But time and history have blurred their relationship from boss and subordinate to friends and family. Personal matter no longer meant private, it meant a switch in barriers. It meant family. 

She steps closer to his desk.

“You are always there for us, for these kinds of cases.” Her blue eyes bore into his, a technique Hotch recognizes as a fellow parent, to get through and make sure the person they are speaking to is really listening. “But, do you ever allow anyone to be there for you?”

He sighs through his nose. She’s not going to let this go, he can see that. No profiling needed.

“Sit.” 

Closing the file, Hotch resigns himself to the fact that this was something inadvertently he’d been wanting to talk to JJ about, anyway. She had been a profiler for the team almost nearly as long as she’d been communications liaison, now, and although this could have waited for her performance review -- it tied into what was bothering him. The small smile of victory, and relief, slips from her lips as she sees the serious set to Hotch’s mouth. JJ is one hell of a profiler. The best ones did it without even knowing they were doing so.

“Wait… is this about me?” she looks mildly scandalized to even have to suggest it. Although really, it shouldn’t surprise her too much. Hotch knows he isn’t great about making things about himself, even when the conversation is supposed to be. So he gathers his thoughts, with such little prep time, and decides to start with where this whole debacle had begun. 

In the car. When JJ had made her off-handed comment.

“The events of our lives shape us, and bring us here. As they do for everyone. It’s a technique that also helps us narrow down our profiles. How we were raised, what he have gone through. Heredity factors.”

JJ is staring hard at him, now. Deciphering the point, attempting to look ten steps ahead when Hotch has barely revealed three.

“You’re talking about Nature versus Nurture.” 

“You could say that,” Hotch acquiesces. “In a lot of ways we are our parent’s lineage. Unless we choose not to be. I only became a prosecutor because my father was. But now, here I am.”

The parent’s lineage is a direct drop towards the conversation in the car. Both JJ and Hotch are intelligent adults, as is the entire team. Sometimes the most direct reference isn’t needed. Sometimes a key phrase is what links the mind back to the moment, replays it in the mind’s eye so it becomes fresh and there’s no confusion. Fewer words can connect more than a thousand, Hotch had learned that early on as well. 

“I was… I was speaking more toward behavior,” JJ elaborates, still unaware where the conversation is going. How this has correlated to Hotch’s odd mood. 

“I know you were. And my statement still stands,” Hotch answers plainly. “I’ve noticed that sometimes agents, myself included, let bias dictate their profiles. And we need to stray away from that kind of influence.” 

JJ’s slight frown becomes defensive. Confused, but not angry. She’s learning quickly, Hotch notices. 

“Nature and Nurture are a part of standard psychology practices. With a lot of information and testing to back it up. Spence could give you statistics for days, I’m sure. It’s proven.”

“Yes, as a theory. Not as a rule.” Hotch continues, giving her that steady, stern but gentle tone that borders on chastisement. 

“I have yet to see an exception to that rule, when it comes to children of violent offenders,” JJ buckles down. “If they are the target of that violence, it warps them, Hotch. Plain and simple. How do they recover from something like that?” She’s shaking her head, getting caught up in the emotional aspect of it all over again. The hopelessness of its appearance.

“Any way they can.” 

Now he has JJ’s attention, because she hears the shift as soon as it forms on his tongue. The air heavier, hazy like an old memory.

“Sometimes they leave home as soon as they graduate just to escape the situation, and spend their whole adult lives trying to eradicate it. By burying themselves in, say… Law School.” JJ’s stare goes vacant, and Hotch at least has the decency to look away from her as he continues. He has a point to make. “So they can put away people like their abuser. But when that’s not enough, prosecuting after the fact, they start to focus on ways to catch the offenders in the act. Save victims in the real world. Use what they know from experience, but in the field, so no one else slips through the cracks.”

“H-Hotch, I--”

“If there was a file on me as detailed as these on my desk, and there probably is somewhere in this building,” Hotch barrels on, not letting JJ get a word in edgewise. “Then the first seventeen years of my homelife would look nearly identical to John David Bidwell's childhood.” He didn’t need to go into further detail, though bullet points from the case all bust flash between them in neon. 

Strict, domineering father figure. Church every Sunday, as a control and appearance factor. At home: a constant deluge of beratements, fear, shouting and fists. Something was always wrong, someone always deserved a punishment. No one was safe. They did what they could, followed the rules to a tee, but that wasn't always enough.

They survived, because that's all that they could do.

And he had.

“If you really require a physical, living exception to the rule, I’d like to hope we know each other well enough that you would consider myself that exception.” It’s the closest he’s ever come to admitting what happened in his father’s household, and Hotch knows that’s as far as he will let it go. No elaboration needed. “Even if I can be ‘a bit of a bully’.” 

Stunned and shocked, the last part probably wasn’t needed. But, again, Hotch has a point he’s trying to get across -- and he wants it to make an impact.

“Hotch, I’m so sorry,” JJ croaks out, and he still can’t look right at her.

“Don’t be, you didn’t know,” he soothes her, swallowing a little hard. “No one on the team does, not even Dave.”

“--No one?”

“The only one who probably did was Gideon, but not because I told him. He was just that good of a profiler. You will be, too, one day -- I see that level of potential in you. Profilers are always learning, evolving, developing their skills.” Hotch finally turns his head, and catches sight of JJ with her eyes bright and her nose red. Her tell-tale physical signs that she’s been holding back tears. “Let this be one of those moments.” 

She nods, wipes at her eyes discreetly, and collects herself with more strength than Hotch or anyone else ever gives her credit for.

“Was he ever convicted? Your father?”

“No,” Hotch says, level. “He died of colon cancer ten years ago. He never even met Jack. Neither did my mother, though I am sorry for that.” 

Silence stretches in the wake of Hotch’s reveal, and JJ only breaks it when she can’t seem to keep it back any more.

“You’re… you’re not really a bully. You know.”

“Yes, I am,” Hotch tells her, the smallest traces of a smile smoothing the sharp edges of his face. “But only when I choose to be. When it matters.” 

JJ huffs out a watery laugh, scoots to the edge of her seat as if to stand, but hesitates once more.

“You didn’t have to tell me. But thank you. I’m… I’m glad you felt that you could.” 

The sentiment warms the inside of Hotch’s chest, ice cold from the memories he never dredged up if he could afford it. It helps ease them back under the floorboards of his mind, where they belong.

“Thank you for listening.” 

She was right. He didn’t confide in anyone, and he doesn’t know if this will help him -- more than likely, not -- but it helped JJ. And that’s what mattered. His team. His family. Growing, learning, becoming all the better for it. The best people he had ever known. 

The family he had chosen for himself.

“Goodnight, Hotch.”

“Night, JJ.”

-end scene-

[nanami-says]

Part IV (4/5): chapters 45~49

Chapter 45

[About talismans put on curses released for students to hunt during the group event]

“But even when exorcised with non-registered energy, it’ll burn red”

Not incorrect here, just pointing this bit out since it was mistranslated in the original explanation by Ichiji in ch. 40. (They kind of skipped the info about pre-registering cursed energy altogether.)

U:“It must be an outsider. Maybe an intruder?”

M:“Does that mean Master Tengen’s protective barrier isn’t working?”

G:“Intruder or not, this is an unexpected situation”

⇒ U:“Somewhere from the outside… Do you mean an intruder?”

[Mei Mei’s line]

G:“Whether it’s [someone] from the outside or from the inside, it doesn’t change that fact that those are unforeseen circumstances”.

Utahime was more asking and not actually stating anything here. Could go with “outsider” too but I wanted to capture the nuance of her still musing here better. As for Gakuganji, he wasn’t actually reiterating the line about “intruder” but “from the outside”! I.e. that it doesn’t matter if they came from the outside (of the barrier, I’m assuming), or from the inside. 

[Gojou talking about the curtain]

“We’ll just rip it apart once it’s complete”

⇒ “So all you have to do is just rip it apart after it’s gone down”

Not wrong but Gojou sounded cockier here haha.

“In exchange for denying Satoru Gojo entrance, it gives everyone else free access”

⇒ “This is a [protective] barrier that, in exchange for denying ‘Gojou Satoru’ entrance, allows ‘everyone else’ besides that to enter and leave freely”

The original included more technical information, like Gojou calling it a “barrier” (結界/kekkai) even though normally the term used is “curtain” (帳/tobari). I’m not really sure on the specifics but, for example, the Jujutsu High is protected by Master Tengen’s “barrier” and when sorcerers want to conceal their fights from civilians they use a “curtain”. 

Also, the original has “Gojou Satoru” and “everyone else” put in quotation marks so imo they should’ve signaled that somehow in the official English release as well.

“Why is there a cursed spirit here?”

Actually specifies “at Jujutsu High”.

“And whose curtain is that?”

“It’s probably coming from whomever is working with the cursed spirit”

Again, Megumi actually specifies that it’s “the curse user working(...)”.

[After Megumi interprets Inumaki’s riceball language with Kamo present]

“You can understand what he’s saying?”

“Does that matter right now? It might use expansion on us. We need to contact Gojo-sensei”

Megumi only says “domain” here (and it’s put in quotation marks again to show it’s a term) and not “domain expansion”. Also, he sounds more dismissive because the first line is closer to, “Something like that doesn’t matter right now, does it”.

[About Hanami’s speech] 

“What the-- I can understand the meaning behind the noises it makes”

⇒ “What’s that-- Even though I don’t get what it’s saying from the sound, I can still understand the meaning”

Not incorrect, just wanted to propose something closer to the original wording.

“The forest, the sea, the sky… They’re crying from the tragedies they’ve withstood. We can no longer live in peace with humans”

⇒ (...) They’re crying how they cannot bear any more. Continued coexistence with humans is no longer possible.”

Imo the “can no longer coexist” referred to the forest, sky etc. Also just a slightly different nuance for the whole line, I suppose.

“They know that there are humans who care for the planet. But how useful is mere compassion?”

Hanami doesn’t really call it “mere compassion”, just “that compassion”, or, literally, “kindness”, “affection”.

Chapter 46

“We’ll have Inumaki stop it so we can keep some distance between us after we attack. We gotta do this if we’re gonna have a chance of getting out of the curtain. We need to find the principals.”

⇒ “Have Inumaki stop it, then we attack, and gain distance. Through a repeat of this, we’ll aim to get outside of the curtain and regroup with the principals”

Not incorrect per se but it sounded more like Kamo just describing their strategy to me. 

Cont. on the next page.

“But how long can we keep this up. Inumaki’s cursed speech is losing effect. We can’t get in touch with the teachers either. It may even figure out a way to counter cursed speech.”

⇒ “But we don’t know when the current equilibrium will crumble. The effectiveness of cursed speech is bad as it is and we can’t even try and get in touch with the teachers. If he realises how to counter cursed speech, then it’s over.”

Lots of nuance lost here. First off, Kamo seems to have been talking about cursed speech’s low effectiveness in general, rather than referring to Inumaki getting weaker. And the line about the teachers actually said they “don’t even have a chance/space to contact” rather than that they’d already tried and failed.

“Finding Todo is a priority. Even Miwa would do at this point.”

⇒ “I’d like to join up with Todo, or at the very least Miwa, as soon as possible but....”

“Even Miwa” makes it sound like Kamo doesn’t really value her but he’s actually ranking her quite high, as she seems to be his next option after Toudou.

”The cursed speech he used wasn’t particularly strong, but his throat gave out. The enemy is that much stronger”

⇒ “Even though he wasn’t using a powerful spirit of language, Inumaki-senpai’s throat still got crushed. The difference in levels is just that huge”

When speaking about Inumaki here, Megumi actually didn’t refer to “cursed speech”, i.e. the technique, but “kotodama”, which’s what the technique uses, its main component, you could say. (“The spirit of language”, please refer to ch. 33 part IV (1/5). Also, as the phrase used in the last sentence is literally “higher rank”, imo it wasn’t so much about difference in pure strength by itself, as difference in levels (which will obviously also translate to difference in strength).

“You can’t cut me with such sword”

He literally calls it “this blunt sword” here. 

“Its eye branches are its weak point”

Closer to, “are more fragile/brittle than the rest [of him]”.

[Maki about the new weapon she just switched to]

“But using this doesn’t feel right”

Actually “is vexing” or even “disgusting”, “revolting” etc., as, you know, it’s a weapon that used to belong to Getou, who once almost killed her. (Vol. 0)

Chapter 47

[About Maki’s special grade weapon]

“Indeed, that is not bad”

Actually “this is a good one”, a different nuance.

“Jujutsu sorcerers are interesting. And so emotional too. Every time one of their allies gets hurt, they leave new openings.”

⇒ “[It seems] jujutsu sorcerers are exceptionally compassionate.(...)”

What they translated as “interesting” was actually a descriptor for “compassionate”, which too imo is different from just “emotional”. All the possible translations given by the dictionary I checked are adverbs (highly, extremely, outstandingly, unusually, remarkably, exceptionally etc.), so imo, despite of how it was spaced in the original, it was intended as a single sentence.

[After Hanami explains how the bud that’s gotten lodged in Megumi’s body works]

“How nice of you to explain! You’re planning on killing me anyway, right?”

“I hear it’s more effective once explained”

This bit is interesting because while it’d been stated before that explaining a technique can lend it more power, Hanami is actually talking about speed here. I guess you could argue regarding the actual differences between speed vs. effectiveness but he did only say that “it'll work faster” this way.

[Hanami praising Maki]

“You have some nice moves”

Actually just “you can move well”, which imo has a slightly different nuance.

“I need to use everything I’ve got! Even if I get ripped apart”

⇒ “{Got to] Muster all of my cursed energy, even if it means my stomach/guts will rip!”

“I get ripped apart” sounds more drastic than the original imo.

Cont. onto. 

“I choose who I save, unlike the others. I’m bearing the least burden. That’s why it’s inexcusable that I be the first to go down!”

⇒ “I’m not like the others. I choose the people to protect. I’m not [the one] bearing the most burden. That’s why (...)”

Again some of the nuance of the original seems to have been altered imo. I’m not 100% sure re the line about bearing burden but I think the meaning was probably closer to what I suggested. I am sure that he said “people to protect” and not “people to save” here, though. 

Chapter 48

[Nishimiya about Toudou]

“If nothing else, you’re strong”

The phrase used here actually means “redeeming feature”. So you know, in Nishimiya’s eyes Toudou may suck overall but being strong is his only saving grace.

[Toudou to Megumi about Yuuji seeming different]

“You see it too. He’s beginning to spread his wings. He must find his own way. That is where he stands now.”

⇒ “So you’ve realised it too. When a person is beginning to spread their wings, it’s unforgiven for others to interfere. Itadori is in such a state right now”

Toudou was speaking rather loftily here, so maybe that’s why they seem to have gotten it slightly wrong but imo phrasing it as “must find his own way” didn’t really capture the original nuance of “it’s unforgiven for anyone else to so much as touch them”, which is what the second part of the sentence literally says. So it’s less emphasis on what Yuuji himself must do and more on what others aren’t allowed to do.

[Hanami after judging Toudou as weaker than himself]

“But he’s got a strong presence.”

⇒ “But this mysterious brazenness…”

Could also go with “impudence”, “shamelessness”, “boldness” etc. here haha.

[Hanami about Yuuji]

“You’re smart to close the distance. [I’ll commend you for that]

⇒ "You don't rush in recklessly. (...)"

...Literally the opposite meaning for this one. Hanami was commenting on Yuuji having attacked from the distance first.

“More agile than the girl! But his strength is disappointing”

⇒ “His instantaneous force surpasses the girl from before! (...)”

The word also means “explosiveness”, “explosive power”, so imo it pointed to Yuuji being able to unleash a lot of power in a short amount of time (although the actual output still fell short in Hanami’s opinion). Idk why they made it “agile” instead...

“Anger is a valuable trigger for a jujutsu sorcerer. There’ve been instances where people have been put on their heels after provoking an inferior opponent. The opposite is not good either. Mishandling cursed energy when angered, wastes your skills, and the fight will end in defeat.”

⇒ “‘Anger’ is an important trigger for jujutsu sorcerers. There are times when you can be beaten by a lower rank just because you’ve angered your opponent. Of course, the opposite is true as well. There are also times when you lose, because you became unable to draw out your true strength, with your cursed energy disrupted by anger”

They seem to have conveyed the nuance of Toudou’s lines here being a broader explanation this time but a lot of nuance has been lost nevertheless. Most importantly: “there are times” and not “there have’ve been instances”, this would be a different grammatical construction if the latter was the case; “the opposite is not good either” is just off; “wastes your skills” was imo unclear, it was closer to “can’t unleash your true power”.

“Your friend Fushiguro is hurt. And worst of all, our bonding time as best friends got interrupted, so I understand better than anyone why you would lose your cool.”

⇒ “Your friend got hurt, and worst of all, the honeymoon with me, your best friend, got interrupted as well. So I can understand rea~~~~~lly well why you’d be boiling with rage”

Once again Toudou using a much more poetic/lofty language in the original was flattened down in the official English release. (“Are boiling with rage” becoming “lose control”, freaking “honeymoon” - and yes, he actually used that word lol - becoming “bonding time”.)

More importantly though, there have been several cases before, when I mentioned that something is written one way but read differently, but didn’t go into the details. (For example, Sukuna’s way of referring to Megumi and Nobara in chapter 7 (refer to part I), or Nobara speaking about the Kyoto principal in ch. 37 (part IV 2/5). This is where I finally explain this phenomenon a bit more in-depth, using Toudou, who’s probably the best example.

If you've ever studied Japanese, you're probably familiar with furigana used over/beside kanji characters to indicate pronunciation. For example, the word “shin’yuu” which means best friend, would be written in kanji 親友, and then have しんゆう written over it in hiragana. Here, the actual word and the way it’s read match.

But in manga it's a fairly common practice to use furigana to provide an alternate reading. So you have 1) the actual text and 2) the reading.

  1) can sometimes supply additional information as well (e.g. written as “technique” but pronounced as “talent”) but mostly it’s included to provide context and specify something to the reader that the characters would be naturally aware of, and 2) is what the character is actually saying out loud in the scene.

So in this scene Toudou doesn’t really say Fushiguro’s name out loud and only calls him “[your] friend/comrade", because it’d be obvious to Yuuji from the context whom he means here.

The same also applies most of the time when Toudou addresses Yuuji, like in the line that got translated as “Itadori, my friend”. In this case, the text is “Itadori” (to indicate to the reader that Toudou truly addresses him here) but what he is saying out loud here is “my friend”, which, btw, is actually said in English even in the original. So he’s literally calling him “mai furendo” here, haha. (In general, Toudou seems to opt for English equivalents quite frequently in the manga.)

Whelp, this ended up very long but basically, whenever I say that “it’s written like XX, but he actually says YY”, this is what I mean!

“But that anger is not for you. Suppress it for now”

⇒ “But that anger is too much for you. (...)”

Not 100% sure but this is probably closer to the original meaning. Also I just found the English translation really vague/unclear. 

“Any more distractions?” 

“Nope”

⇒ ”Did they disappear? Distractions"

“Yeah, not a single cloud [left]”

Aww, this isn’t incorrect but the wording in the original is just so lovely.

“Thank you so much. My best friend - Todo”

⇒ “(...), best friend!”

What I said for Toudou re text vs. pronounciation, except now it’s spreading, down to gratuitous English. 

“For those who have experienced black flash, as compared to those who have not, their understanding of the essence of cursed energy is immeasurable.

⇒ “(...) the gap between their distance to the core of cursed energy is like heaven and earth”

Not incorrect but I really like the ring and the descriptiveness of the original wording.

Chapter 49

“You got to taste a sample of your cursed energy”

⇒ “You’ve grasped the ‘taste’ of cursed energy”

Imo not Yuuji’s own but cursed energy as a whole, as in that Yuuji has glimpsed what cursed energy truly is.

Extended cooking metaphor cont. onto the next page

“Until now, it’s like you’ve been putting ingredients that you’re not familiar with into a pot and cooking haphazardly”

Not incorrect per se but the original wording for the line about ingredients is “ingredients you never tasted yourself” and imo there’s a distinction.

“But with black flash, you’ve gained the ingredient that is cursed energy. As a chef, or in this case, a jujutsu sorcerer, you’re on a different level than you were just three seconds ago”

⇒ “But now through ‘black flash’ you’ve grasped the ‘taste’ of the ingredient that is cursed energy. As a chef, you’re now standing in a completely different dimension than the you from 3 seconds ago”

It wasn’t the “ingredient” (cursed energy) itself that was emphasised here but the ingredient’s “taste” (essence of cursed energy). Also Toudou is actually extrapolating on what he said on the previous page and he even reiterates  his line from there (that mistakenly got translated as “you got to taste a sample of your cursed energy”). Overall, the text on those two pages just flowed better originally and wasn’t as disjointed. Also, this was another instance of text (jujutsu sorcerer) vs. pronunciation (chef)!

“Congratulations brother. You will be strong”

Closer to “you will be able to grow strong”. Also, re “brother” - it’s written as "super best/close friend” and spoken out loud as “brother” and again, it’s actually pronounced in English (“brazaa”). Heck, Toudou also actually says “congratulations” in English too haha.

[After Hanami has healed his own limb]

“It can heal itself?!”

“Cursed spirits are made from cursed energy”

Actually specifies that it’s the “bodies of cursed spirits” here.

“But its cursed energy is undoubtedly weakened. If we get its head, then it’s game over.”

⇒ “But it [healing] will infallibly/certainly shave its cursed energy. And if you crush its head, it’s game over”

Again, imo a more general explanation on how self-healing works for cursed spirits.

“I need to try a little harder”

⇒ “It seems it’ll be better to get serious to an extent”

Just to make sure that the nuance here is that Hanami had been holding back before. 

“What a heavy hit! It’s not quite as heavy as the black flash hit from earlier. However, individually they have enough power to hurt me”

⇒ “Heavy! Not to the extent of the previous black flash hit but each [hit] has enough power to deal damage to me with certainty”

Imo the official release was a bit unclear, so I tried to tweak the wording. Especially the “individually” bit - imo it was intended to mean “each”. In other words, the two’s attacks, while not as powerful as black flash, are still potent enough to actually hurt Hanami with each respective hit.

[After Hanami dissolves his technique and Yuuji and Toudou's footing disappears]

“Our footing! We underestimated it! With this amount of mass I thought it was manipulating physical branches with its cursed energy. But it’s the embodiment of cursed energy! It made the illusion real with just its cursed energy. That’s a special grade for you!”

⇒ ”(...) We let our guards down! (...) Everything was materialised and manifested just with his cursed energy!! (...)”

Like in the instance above, imo the way the official release translated it was really unclear, especially the line about “making illusion real”, which actually was just “manifest”. (Again, “materialisation” is actually “realisation” but I used the former to make it easier to understand.)

(jp)

“You should be more true to yourself, Hanami”

“I’m not trying to be anything else”

“I’m not saying you’re lying. I know why you fight. But as long as we’re fighting, why not try to enjoy it?”

⇒ ”Hanami, you know, you should be more honest”

“I don’t think I’m pretending”

“It’s not like I’m calling you a liar or anything and I know what’s the objective you fight for. But I think you should try to enjoy the process - the present called ‘fight’ - more”

The meaning was there but I wanted to propose something closer to the original wording because it’s interesting to me how Mahito switches between very simple phrases and more complicated thought processes (like here he explicitly compares “objective”/”goal” and “the process”).

[After Hanami asks whether Mahito enjoys fighting]

“The pleasure I feel while fighting didn’t motivate me much until recently”

⇒ “It’s not until recently that the joy, that the pleasure, I feel at the height of a fight have become my motive”

So it’s not like they didn’t motive him much but that they only recently became his motive/incentive to fight!! Quite a significant distinction imo.

“Before I realised, all the deceit, cheating and killing left me satiated. Just like humans eat, sleep and rape, curses manifest instinctive behaviors as well”

⇒ “When I realised - deceit, tricking, killing - I’ve already been filled/satisfied without being aware of it. The same way humans eat, sleep and transgress/violate - for curses those are probably their instincts”

Not 100% sure about the first sentence but it’s something similar. Emphasis mine for the second sentence. In other words, it’s precisely deceit, tricking and killing that Mahito sees as curses’ instincts. Also the word that they translated as “rape” does indeed mean that as well, but imo it could’ve just as well been pointing to one of its more broader meanings, like “to violate” or “commit [crimes]”.

“We might have gained reasoning, but that doesn’t mean we should deny our impulses”

Imo “reason” instead of “reasoning” and “fight against our instincts” (since the same word gets used) instead of “deny our impulses”. Especially since they translate it as “reason” in the next panel.

“A spirit is blend of impulse and reason”

⇒ “A soul is a blend of instinct and reason”

Emphasis mine. I genuinely have no clue why the official release suddenly translated it differently here... Everywhere else they’d also gone with  “soul” whenever the word appeared before, which, needless to say, happened in almost every other instance of Mahito talking about his technique and/or philosophy. 

“You all right, brother?”

“No problem!”

“There you go!” ⇒ “Splendid!”

Also means “excellent”, another example where in the original Toudou is using a lofty expression and which sadly got a cut in the official release. He’s so proud of everything that Yuuji does, okay. :”( The first two are fine. 

[to part iv (5/5)]

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi days! Since im currently under quarantine, I've been meaning to write my own Naruhina fanfic and i think this is the perfect opportunity to start! im just wondering if you have any tips with writing and also on using AO3 since I'm pretty new to the site :) Thank you so much and I hope ur doing well!

AHHHH HAVE FUN!!!!

I have so many tips???  For planning, editing, posting, and general thoughts.  I’m sorry, it got out of hand 🙈  Also, everything below the cut are just my own opinions (even if they’re phrased like laws lol).  Other writers will have differing opinions.

Planning Tips 🗒:

1. First to make absolutely clear, you don’t have to plan.  You can write whatever you want because it’s your story.

2. But it’s useful to have a detailed summary or general outline.

3. And it’s useful to choose your verb tense & POV before you start.

4. It’s easier for most people to write from just one perspective (limited 3rd Person).  An example of this would be “Nightdreams,” for which I only wrote Naruto’s thoughts.  Limited 3rd is useful to build angst because everyone can only guess at what the other character is thinking!

5. But if you want both POVs shown, that’s fun, too!!  I’ve done that in diff. ways.  “Undercover” and “Catskin” switches throughout.  “White Lilies” has half/half of the chapter.  “Inspo” switches each chapter.  Whatever you choose, do it deliberately for the amount of information you want to share with the reader!

6. Keep your verb tense consistent!  It’s easier to write in present tense, even though we were taught in school to write stories in past tense.  If your character is having a flashback, you can easily make that distinction between present and past by switching to past tense.

Editing Tips ✅:

1. Each new paragraph belongs to only 1 character’s thoughts, words, and actions.

2. Vary sentence length!  Short sentences and fragments are wonderful to indulge in.

3. Try to keep each paragraph short (no more than about 4 lines).  A bilingual reader told me it’s easier to process.

4. Try to open a chapter with a description of the environment (sounds, space, or feelings) rather than talking or conversation so that you can immerse the reader in the story right away.

5. If you want a beta, set clear parameters for what you want the beta to look for.  Be specific.  Examples: you want the beta to check your spelling and punctuation, you want the beta to check for clarity in a certain section, you want the beta to be like a soundboard for you to bounce ideas off of, you want the beta to check for sensitivity.  Btw, if you don’t want a beta, that’s absolutely fine.

6. If your story is set in a Japanese-influenced world, please don’t italicize Japanese words.  That just draws attention to a word that doesn’t need attention.  Italics should be used for emphasis, thoughts, maybe words in a letter or newspaper the character is reading.

7. If the characters all have Japanese names, like in Naruto, please find appropriate names for any OCs you make.  This is arguable for an alternate universe.

Posting to AO3 Tips 👊🏼:

1. Write your story on a Google Doc, then when you’re ready, copy&paste into AO3′s RICH TEXT (Not HTML) BOX. 

It’s always defaulted to HTML.  So make sure you click that Rich Text button before you paste the story in, otherwise your formatting’s gonna get all funky.

2. Before you Post, read through your story!  AO3 sometimes doesn’t “return” your paragraphs properly, so just make sure your spacing is all good.

3. Also check your words that are italicized.  AO3 sometimes adds extra spaces between italicized and normal words.

4. Look at similar stories to yours to see how they tagged ships, triggers, and genres.  The wall of tags is very important!  

5. Keep your story summary simple.  If your story follows a popular trope, you might want to highlight that in the summary.

Miscellaneous Tips 🌻:

1. Have no shame.

2. If you learn by following examples (like I do), study your favorite stories and take mental notes on what makes that story so good to you.  Is it the formatting?  Is it the subject?  Is it the characterization?  What did the writer do?  Turn an analytical eye on those stories.

For example, while I was writing Nightdreams, I studied the formatting (transitions, verb tense, point of view, etc.) in @katarinahime‘s “Serenity Prayer” and the use of description in @missa-chua‘s “Unless the World Were to End.”  I reread them several times.  I tried to emulate their styles in my own writing.

3. For the love of ramen, please don’t make ramen seem like some foreign food that Hinata has never tried before.  Please.

4. Follow @ao3commentoftheday to get a whole writing community’s tips!!  The moderator responds everyday to asks on a wide range of writing concerns.

5. YOU CAN FORGET EVERYTHING HERE IF YOU LIKE AND JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.  It’s your story!

You are your own #1 Reader.  Write what you want to read because literally no one’s going to read it as often as you do!  This is allllll about what YOU want!

If you have any questions about something I didn’t cover or you’d like me to expand on a tip, let me know :)  Thank you for asking!  And I am so excited!

I hope you love your fanfic!!!!!

[creacherkeeper]

how to study an author’s style

i hate when teachers will tell you to copy an author’s style for a project but DON’T TELL YOU HOW TO DO THAT! or maybe you just want to write more like your favorite author! trying on some new hats! there are plenty of reasons to want to look at style, so, some tips, & examples under the cut 

where do they put their dialogue tags? how often does their dialogue go without tags, and when? 

are there any words that are repeated throughout a section or text? how often do they use repetition of phrases or words? what is this for - tone, character, or something else? 

how elevated is their language? (you can always chuck a passage into a readability checker like this one to get a grade level for the text) 

how long are their sentences & how many clauses is that sentence broken into? does the length vary little or greatly? is there a pattern to their sentence length within each paragraph? 

long paragraphs or short? 

do they use humor, and when? what’s meant to be funny about the text? is it in the narration, the dialogue, or both? 

how often do they use figurative language, and which kinds? metaphors or similes? personification? synecdoche? 

do they alliterate for emphasis or write out sounds? 

how do they imply emphasis? italics? punctuation? sentence length?

when listing things, what number of things do they list? how do they use conjunctions? (syndeton is when conjunctions are used, “blank and blank and blank.” asyndeton is when no conjunctions are used, “blank, blank, blank.”) 

how is information delivered? at the end of the sentence, or beginning? do we always know something right when the character knows it? 

this is all great in theory, but how about we put it in practice? 

to use as an example, we’re going to look at several works of neil gaiman, author of the princess mononoke adaption and nothing else (besides many books and comics and whatnot, some of which we will look at here) 

under the cut: the graveyard book, the ocean at the end of the lane, & american gods

each text has had three sections, about a page in length, analyzed. i used the first page, as well as at least one page with heavy dialogue, and one page with little to no dialogue. besides these criteria, the pages were chosen randomly 

the graveyard book 

3rd person omniscient - past tense - children’s book 

sentences per paragraph: paragraphs had one sentence in them commonly (39% of the time), but went up to 7 sentences in a paragraph 

words per sentence: sentences had high variation in number of words. each page had sentences between 1 and 4 words long. however, some sentences were very lengthy, with the top sentences in each section being 43, 41, and 57 words long 

clauses: it was not uncommon for a long sentence to have up to 5 clauses, with one extraordinary sentence having 11 

dialogue: dialogue tags were put before the dialogue 2 times, in the middle of dialogue 8 times, and after the dialogue 3 times. a character’s dialogue tag or action being between two or three sections of dialogue was by far the most common, but did vary by character. sometimes dialogue tags were used multiple times per character speaking (such as one in the middle and another at the end)

emphasis: italics were used 3 times in the pages, and a character spoke in all caps once 

figurative language: 

synecdoche: “There was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife.” 

personification: “The knife had done almost everything it was brought to the house to do” / “The knife and the man who held it had slipped in” 

simile: “they looked like dark mirrors” 

metaphor: “smoke-tendril voice” 

in these passages, figurative language was used to bolster an atmosphere of dark aesthetics and light horror. figurative language was used the most in the passage with no dialogue 

syndeton: “His hair was dark and his eyes were dark and he wore black leather gloves” 

special notes: period-specific language was used, such as one character using the term “blast it”. while the book was easy to understand, elevated language was used on occasion, such as “expostulated” instead of “said”. the narrator gave us information about how the characters were feeling or what they were thinking, but also seemed to have opinions not shared by the characters, despite not being a ‘present/strong’ narrator. the narrator did imply some concept of an audience  

the ocean at the end of the lane

1st person POV - past tense - adult book with a child main character 

sentences per paragraph: paragraphs had one sentence in them 17% of the time, but went up to 11 sentences in a paragraph, with 4 to 5 being common

words per sentence: sentences had high variation in number of words. each page had sentences 3 or less words long. the top sentences in each section were 42, 41, and 28 words long

clauses: there were sentences with 5+ clauses in each section, with 7 clauses appearing twice 

dialogue: dialogue tags were put before the dialogue 4 times, in the middle of dialogue 7 times, and after the dialogue 1 time. no dialogue tag was used 4 times. mid-dialogue was still the most common, and sometimes there would be multiple tags or actions in each section of dialogue 

emphasis: italics were used 4 times in the pages

figurative language:

metaphor: “transformed her face to gold” 

synecdoche: “lettie’s voice was close to me, and it said” (this could also be interpreted as personification, since the voice is talking) 

figurative language was not used often in these passages, but was used to bolster the mood of scenes (the golden face introduced a mystical character, the voice was in a tense moment before a chase) 

asydeton: “squinted at it, sniffed it, rubbed at it, listened to it, then touched it” 

special notes: in this book, an adult narrator is telling the story of his childhood. the narration is very simple and to the point, and does not use flowery or figurative language often. though it is told in first person, in these passages, we don’t get very much interiority from the narrator. most of the mood-setting of scenes is in the actual content of them, which is meant to be magical or horrifying in parts 

american gods

3rd person close - past tense - adult book with adult main character 

sentences per paragraph: paragraphs had one sentence in them commonly (36% of the time), but went up to 7 sentences in a paragraph, with 3 being most common. overall, the trend was towards less sentences in a paragraph 

words per sentence: sentences had high variation in number of words. each page had sentences 1 or 2 words long. the top sentences in each section were 39, 41, and a whopping 92 words long (92 words? neil, dude.) 

clauses: the most clauses in a sentence was 12 clauses, with 4 or 5 clauses being common 

dialogue: dialogue tags were put before the dialogue 2 times, in the middle of dialogue 11 times, and after the dialogue 3 times. no dialogue tag was used 8 times, mostly if there were two people in a scene or we weren’t supposed to know who was talking. 

figurative language:

personification: “[snow] that kisses your face with its hesitant touch” 

metaphor: “twelve cotton-candy inches of snow” 

so shadow isn’t ... the most imaginative person when it comes to figurative language, but bless, he’s trying. figurative language is used when we’re inside the POV character’s head 

syndeton: “so he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.” 

special notes: this book uses more complex punctuation than the others did. we have em dashes and colons, sometimes in the same sentence, as well as ellipses and semicolons. though the narration follows shadow, we also get thoughts directly from him in italics. one time, italics is used for a piece of dialogue said in the past, while quotation marks are used for past dialogue in the same sentence. overall, this book has much more complicated sentence structure, though the overall diction isn’t necessarily of a higher grade level (though it does swear, like, a lot) 

conclusion

from this sort of analysis, this is what we can gather of neil gaiman’s style, that we can now use to copy him as we choose: 

he has high variation in paragraph length and sentence length. there are plenty of short, punchy sentences, both in narration and dialogue, but the long sentences are much longer than average, and use a high number of clauses. 4 or 5 clauses in a sentence was fairly common, not just for listing things. when a paragraph had only one sentence in it, most of the time it was used for emphasis of an idea or to switch the focus of a scene. interestingly, the paragraphs that took up the most space on a page usually had more words per sentence rather than more sentences than average 

word choice and diction was used to establish tone. the graveyard book, which is a children’s book, had more elevated diction than ocean at the end of the lane, which is an adult book. overall, the sentences tended to be fairly low-grade-level in word choice (besides the many curses in american gods, as mentioned), and the content set the age range more than word choice

if you want to write like neil gaiman, for the love of the gods, put your dialogue tags in the middle of your dialogue. this was by far the most common way the dialogue tags or character action was placed within the dialogue (49% of the time, out of four options). another thing that stands out about the dialogue tags, is that while in the middle they’re often used to emphasize the first word or phrase of the sentence (”who,” said shadow, “...” / “that,” said silas, “...” / “i think,” said silas, “...”). when not in the middle, the tag could be at the end of the sentence, or there would be no tag at all. the tag was very rarely at the beginning of the sentence 

he used both syndeton and asyndeton for lists of things or joining multiple clauses. this was present in every book, though i only looked at 3 pages per. another thing i noticed while reading the graveyard book separately (this was not present in the pages i analyzed) was listing things in twos with two and’s and one comma (blank and blank, blank and blank). 

emphasis tended to be through sentence length rather than italics. italics were used for specific words or thoughts more often than emphasis, and was not very present in these pages

the POV changed in each book, as well as narrational distance from the characters, but they were all written in past tense 

figurative language is used to set tone, abide by an aesthetic, and inform us of character. the presence of figurative language does change depending on the book, and was the most present in graveyard book, which had the most distant narrator. the figurative language used was tied to character. in the graveyard book, the man jack and his knife are described with synecdoche--when a part represents the whole. this is very interesting once you find out who the man jack is! 

and all this from just 9 pages! imagine what you could do with a chapter, or a short story 

i do recommend checking out the “bad gaiman challenge” on youtube, one because it’s very very funny, and two because you can then ask yourself, what about these make them read like neil gaiman stories, terrible though they are? some things you might notice - long sentences, syndeton, tone, and more! 

if anyone is still reading, thank you for sticking with that very long winded example. hopefully you learned something about how to analyze a writing style! try it with your own writing, too! do it for a story you might not like as much, and your favorite, and see how they differ. plug your stories into an analysis website. you might be surprised what you learn! 

[kkatot]

How to be a better writer, recommendations for students

People who write for a living, teach writing, or write on writing generally agree that it is hard work. We all have our moments of despair as writers and if we do not, it is quite likely that it is our readers, who despair. William Zinsser, author of “On Writing Well,” reminds us: “if you find that writing is hard, it’s because it is hard. (2012, 9).

I have collected advice from great writing books and resources, focusing on writing nonfiction, writing in academic settings, and most of all - writing clearly. I’ve combined all this advice into 7 big recommendations. (This is not advice on citing and referencing, if you need that, please look here).

The intended audience is MA students. I want to thank the students whose MA and PhD work I am currently supervising, who said “yes” enthusiastically, when I asked them if a set of recommendations on writing would be helpful. Collating this has been very educational and I hope will make me a better writer too.

Most of us write unclearly, because: - Our thinking is cluttered. To free our writing from clutter, we need to “clear our heads of clutter. Clear thinking becomes clear writing; one can’t exist without the other.” (Zinsser 2012, 8 ) - We read things into our own writing. “Our own writing always seems clearer to us than to our readers, because we read into it what we want them to get out of it. And so instead of revising our writing to meet their needs, we send it off the moment it meets ours.” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 7). - Very few people realize how badly they write (Zinsser 2012, 17)

1. OUR WRITING IS CLEARER, WHEN WE ARE CAREFUL WITH WORDS.  

As William Strunk (2011, np) says: “Omit needless words.  Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences.”

Zinsser (2012, 6) agrees, he urges us to get rid of words that serve “no function, every long word that could be a short word, every adverb that carries the same meaning that’s already in the verb, every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of who is doing what—these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken the strength of a sentence.

Examples of what to avoid: - long word that’s no better than the short word: “assistance” (help), “facilitate” (ease), “remainder” (rest), “implement” (do), “attempt” (try), “referred to as” (called) (Zinsser 2012, 15); - slippery new fad words and jargon (Zinsser 2012, 15); - word clusters with which we explain how we propose to go about our explaining: “I might add,” “It should be pointed out,” “It is interesting to note.” If you might add, add it. If it should be pointed out, point it out. If it is interesting to note, make it interesting. Don’t inflate what needs no inflating: “with the possible exception of” (except), “due to the fact that” (because), “he totally lacked the ability to” (he couldn’t), “until such time as” (until), “for the purpose of” (for). (Zinsser 2012, 15) - needlessly long formulations: “the question as to whether”  (whether), “there is no doubt but that” (no doubt (doubtless)), “used for X purposes” (used for X), “in a hasty manner” (hastily), #”this is a subject which” (this subject), “owing to the fact that” (since (because)), “in spite of the fact that” (though (although)) (Strunk 2011) - negative statements: ‘He was not very often on time” is weak, “he usually came late” is strong

Verbs

Use active verbs unless there is no comfortable way to get around using a passive verb. (…) “Joe saw him” is strong. “He was seen by Joe” is weak (Zinsser 2012).

When important actions are in verbs, the sentence will seem clear (Williams & Bizup 2014).

For example (from Williams & Bizup 2014, 32): - Bad: Our lack of data prevented evaluation of UN actions in targeting funds to areas most in need of assistance. - Good: Because we lacked data, we could not evaluate whether the UN had targeted funds to areas that most needed assistance.

Adverbs

Most adverbs are unnecessary and annoying. Do not choose a verb that has a specific meaning and then add an adverb that carries the same meaning. Don’t tell us that the radio blared loudly; “blare” connotes loudness. (Zinsser 2012)

Adjectives

Most adjectives are unnecessary, the concept is already in the chosen noun. Stop stating the obvious (yellow daffodils and brownish dirt). If you want to make a value judgment about daffodils, choose an adjective like “garish.” If you’re in a part of the country where the dirt is red, feel free to mention the red dirt. Those adjectives would do a job that the noun alone wouldn’t be doing (Zinsser 2012)

General advice on words from William Zinsser (2012):

1. Care about words. Select them carefully, know the nuances of their meaning. 2. Imitate good writing, figure out how good writers (but don't assume that everything that is in a good journal is automatically well written) accomplish writing well. What makes their writing good? (But also be realistic about your skills). 3. Use dictionaries 4. Master the small gradations between words that seem to be synonyms

2. OUR WRITING IS CLEARER, WHEN IT HAS UNITY

According to Zinsser (2012, 37) unity is the anchor of good writing. To keep the reader from straggling off in all directions; and to satisfy the readers’ subconscious need for order, we need to strive for:

• Unity of pronoun • Unity of tense • Unity of mood -  any tone is acceptable. But don’t mix two or three.

Ask yourself some basic questions before you start (Zinsser 2012, 38): • In what capacity am I going to address the reader? (Reporter? Provider of information? Teacher? Person with shared experience?) • Who am I writing for? (Zinsser says you are always writing for yourself, Terri Senft’s great advice has been to pick someone who is your fan or who believes in you, and to write for them). • What pronoun and tense am I going to use? (The general recommendation is to write from “I” and to use present tense apart from referring to something that clearly happened in the past “The first time I heard the term “affordances” …) • What style? (Impersonal reportorial? Personal but formal? Personal and casual?) • What attitude am I going to take toward the material? (Involved? Detached? Judgmental? Ironic? Amused?) • What one point do I want to make? “Every successful piece of nonfiction should leave the reader with one provocative thought that he or she didn’t have before. Not two thoughts, or five—just one.”

Think small. Decide what corner of your subject you’re going to bite off, and be content to cover it well and stop. This is also a matter of energy and morale. An unwieldy writing task is a drain on your enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the force that keeps you going and keeps the reader in your grip. (Zinsser 2012, 39)

3. OUR WRITING IS CLEARER, WHEN WE MAKE OUR ARGUMENTS IN CONVERSATION WITH WHAT HAS BEEN SAID BEFORE

Making arguments is hard. A good start is to ask ourselves “what am I trying to say?” and imagine how we would answer the reader, when they ask us “why are you telling me this?”

Surprisingly often we don’t know. We have to look at what we have written and ask: have I said it? Is it clear to someone encountering the subject for the first time? Has fuzz worked its way into the machinery? (Zinsser 2012, 9)

Graff, Birkenstein & Durst (2018, 3) suggest that academic writing is “argumentative”, and to argue well, we need to enter a conversation, summarizing others (“they say”) to set up one’s own argument (“I say”). They call this a “they say, I say” model. It is helpful for discovering what we want to say and then how to say it clearly.

Graff, Birkenstein & Durst (2018, 11 - 12) offer a MASTER TEMPLATE for setting up an argument using the “they say, I say” model, it goes like this:

In recent discussions of …. , a controversial issue has been whether …. . On the one hand, some argue that …… . From this perspective, …… . On the other hand, others argue that ……. In the words of ….. , one of this view’s main proponents, “…...”

According to this view, ……  In sum, then, the issue is whether …… or ………. My own view is that  ……... Though I concede that …….. I still maintain that ………  For example, ………. Although some might object that …….. I would reply that …….. . The issue is important because ……….

Taking it line by line, this master template first helps you open your text by identifying an issue in some ongoing conversation or debate (“In recent discussions of a controversial issue has been”), and then to map some of the voices in this controversy (by using the “on the one hand / on the other hand” structure). The template then helps you introduce a quotation (“In the words of”), to explain the quotation in your own words (“According to this view”), and—in a new paragraph—to state your own argument (“My own view is that”), to qualify your argument (“Though I concede that”), and then to support your argument with evidence (“For example”). In addition, the template helps you make one of the most crucial moves in argumentative writing, what we call “planting a naysayer in your text,” in which you summarize and then answer a likely objection to your own central claim (“Although it might be objected that, I reply ”). Finally, his template helps you shift between general, over-arching claims (“In sum, then”) and smaller-scale, supporting claims (“For example”). (Graff, Birkenstein & Durst 2018 12).

The template is a learning tools to get you started, not a structure set in stone.  

Find more “they say, I say” templates here, here.

Find an academic phrasebank of phrases that help make cautious, critical, classifying, comparing, defining, describing and explaining sentences here.

4. OUR WRITING IS CLEARER, WHEN IT HAS A GOOD INTRODUCTION

Your writing needs to pose “a problem that your readers want to see solved. That problem might, however, be one that your readers don’t yet care—or even know—about. If so, you face a challenge: you must overcome their inclination to ask, So what? And you get just one shot at answering that question: in your introduction. That’s where you must motivate readers to see your problem as theirs.” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 99).

A good introduction “has the three parts that appear in most introductions. Each part has a role in motivating a reader to read on. The parts are these:

Establish a shared context – “That shared context offers historical background, but it might have been a recent event, a common belief, or anything else that reminds readers of what they know, have experienced, or readily accept” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 100)

State the problem

“For readers to think that something is a problem, it must have two parts:

The first part is some condition or situation: terrorism, rising tuition, binge drinking, anything that has the potential to cause trouble.

The second part is the intolerable consequence of that condition, a cost that readers don’t want to pay.”

“You can identify the cost of a problem if you imagine someone asking So what? after you state its condition. Answer So what? and you have found the cost” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 102).

There are practical and conceptual problems, and each motivates readers in a different way.

“A practical problem concerns a condition or situation in the world and demands an action as its solution.” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 102). A practical problem is about what we should do.

“A conceptual problem concerns what we think about something and demands a change in understanding as a solution” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 102). Conceptual problems are about what we should think.”

“The condition of a conceptual problem is always something that we do not know or understand.

The cost of a conceptual problem is not the palpable unhappiness we feel from pain, suffering, and loss; it is the dissatisfaction we feel because we don’t understand something important to us.” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 103)

“Like your readers, you will usually be more motivated by large questions. But limited resources— time, funding, knowledge, skill, pages—may keep you from addressing a large question satisfactorily. So you have to find a question you can answer. When you plan your paper, look for a question that is small enough to answer but is also connected to another question large enough for you and your readers to care about.” (Williams & Bizup 2014, 104)

       3. State the solution

To solve a practical problem, you must propose that the reader (or someone) do something to change a condition in the world. To solve a conceptual problem, you must state something the writer wants readers to understand or believe. (Williams & Bizup 2014, 105-106)

5. OUR WRITING IS CLEARER, WHEN WE KEEP IN MIND HOW OUR TEXT SOUNDS

“Also bear in mind, when you’re choosing words and stringing them together, how they sound. This may seem absurd: readers read with their eyes. But in fact they hear what they are reading far more than you realize. Therefore such matters as rhythm and alliteration are vital to every sentence”. (Zinsser 2012, 27)

Basically, it is really useful to read your own writing out loud. It is particularly useful to do so once you have set it aside for a couple of days, so you no longer exactly remember what and how you wanted to say and can, instead, read what you ended up saying.

A simple rule to remember is to alternate between the length of sentences, Zinsser calls this switching up the “gait” at which the sentences move.

“An occasional short sentence can carry a tremendous punch. It stays in the reader’s ear.” (Zinsser 2012, 28)

6. OUR WRITING IS CLEARER, WHEN WE EDIT AND REWRITE. ALL FIRST DRAFTS ARE SHITTY

The best thing you can do for your writing is to give up the idea that anything is good enough after the first draft. It is not, nor should it be. As Anne Lamott writes in a chapter called “Shitty First Drafts” in her book “Bird by Bird” (1994, 21): “Writing is not rapturous. In fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts.” … “The first draft is a child’s draft, where you let it all pour out and then romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later.”

Thinking of the first draft like this helps overcome writers block, knowing it has the freedom to be bad, incoherent, childish, ridiculous will help you get out the beginnings of what you want to say, in conversation with whom, and why. Then you shape it into an argument and make it clear.

EDITING AND REWRITING

Learn to let go of what you have written. Yes, it was difficult. No it is not, therefore, pure gold. If it helps, psychologically, create a separate file called “leftovers” and paste all the takeouts there instead of deleting them. I used to do that for years.

“Surprisingly often a difficult problem in a sentence can be solved by simply getting rid of it. Unfortunately, this solution is usually the last one that occurs to writers in a jam.” (Zinsser 2012, 58).

“Rewriting is the essence of writing well: it’s where the game is won or lost. That idea is hard to accept. We all have an emotional equity in our first draft; we can’t believe that it wasn’t born perfect. But the odds are close to 100 percent that it wasn’t.” (Zinsser 2012, 59)

Please don’t send your first draft to your supervisor.

7. ARE YOU READY FOR STYLE?

Always prioritize clarity over style. In fact, it might be useful to ask yourself, as William Zinsser does: “Are you ready for style?” It’s fine if you are not.

“First, then, learn to hammer the nails, and if what you build is sturdy and serviceable, take satisfaction in its plain strength. But you will be impatient to find a “style”—to embellish the plain words so that readers will recognize you as someone special. You will reach for gaudy similes and tinseled adjectives, as if “style” were something you could buy at the style store and drape onto your words in bright decorator colors.” (Zinsser 2012, 16)

“Trying to add style is like adding a toupee. At first glance the formerly bald man looks young and even handsome. But at second glance— and with a toupee there’s always a second glance—he doesn’t look quite right. The problem is not that he doesn’t look well groomed; he does, and we can only admire the wigmaker’s skill. The point is that he doesn’t look like himself.” (Zinsser 2012, 17).

If you feel you are ready for style, here is how to do it:

- RELAX, BE YOURSELF

“Readers want the person who is talking to them to sound genuine. Therefore, a fundamental rule is: be yourself. No rule, however, is harder to follow. It requires writers to (…) relax, and (…) have confidence.” (Zinsser 2012, 17).

Because it is so hard to relax, because we feel responsible to make good, interesting arguments that offer solutions to important problems and do so clearly and with style, we tend to tense up when we start to write. Zinsser (ibid) describes what typically happens:

Paragraph 1 is a disaster—a tissue of generalities that seem to have come out of a machine. No person could have written them.

Paragraph 2 isn’t much better.

But Paragraph 3 begins to have a somewhat human quality, and by Paragraph 4 you begin to sound like yourself. You’ve started to relax. It’s amazing how often an editor can throw away the first three or four paragraphs of an article, or even the first few pages, and start with the paragraph where the writer begins to sound like himself or herself. Not only are those first paragraphs impersonal and ornate; they don’t say anything—they are a self-conscious attempt at a fancy prologue. What I’m always looking for as an editor is a sentence that says something like “I’ll never forget the day when I …” I think, “Aha! A person!”

So when you are writing, and when you are editing, stop to read, and see if you can find yourself in any of the prose.

- MOOD CHANGERS

“Learn to alert the reader as soon as possible to any change in mood from the previous sentence. At least a dozen words will do this job for you: “but,” “yet,” “however,” “nevertheless,” “still,” “instead,” “thus,” “therefore,” “meanwhile,” “now,” “later,” “today,” “subsequently” and several more. I can’t overstate how much easier it is for readers to process a sentence if you start with “but” when you’re shifting direction. Or, conversely, how much harder it is if they must wait until the end to realize that you have shifted.” (Zinsser 2012, 54).

And finally “you learn to write by writing. It’s a truism, but what makes it a truism is that it’s true. The only way to learn to write is to force yourself to produce a certain number of words on a regular basis.” (Zinsser 2012, 37)

References

Zinsser, W. (2012). On Writing Well, THE CLASSIC GUIDE TO WRITING NONFICTION 30th Anniversary Edition. Collins. Graff, G., Birkenstein, C., & Durst, R. (2018). “THEY SAY I SAY” The Moves That Matter in Academic Writing WITH READINGS, 4TH EDITION. New York, London: W.W. NORTON & Company. Lamott, A. (1994). Bird by Bird, Some Instructions On Writing and Life. New York: Pantheon Books Williams, J., & Bizup, J. (2014). Style, Lessons in Clarity and Grace, 11TH EDITION. Pearson Education

Further reading:

Becker, H.S. (2007). Writing for Social Scientists How to Start and Finish Your Thesis, Book, or Article, 2nd Ed, The Universty of Chicago Press Books. Tufte, V. (2006). Artful Sentences, Syntax as Style, Graphix Pr

[zachvillasource]

interview | zach villa - schonmagazine.com

As the infamous Night Stalker, Iowa-born actor Zach Villa is a chaotic evil in the latest series of American Horror Story. Entitled AHS: 1984, the show plays off the hopes and tropes of the 1980s, incorporating elements from films like Friday the 13th and Halloween into a spine-tingling thrill ride. The chief villain of the series is Villa’s Richard Ramirez, a reality-based serial killer set on making the lead characters’ lives a living hell — quite literally.

In real life, however, Villa is an obvious contrast. A multihyphenate with a strong career across a range of disciplines, he first caught the attention of the mainstream from his collaboration with Evan Rachel Wood in the project Rebel and a Basketcase. Now, as AHS: 1984 keeps audiences around the world thoroughly spooked, Villa opens up to Schön! about growing up in Iowa, his willingness to collaborate with Taylor Swift, and the unexpected call that announced his role on American Horror Story.

How did you get your start in acting?

Well, I’ve been on stage since I was two, so the whole shebang started quite early. Acting, oddly, was an afterthought when I first started. I had been dancing and singing on stage for years, idolising great song-and-dance performers like Gene Kelly, Donald O’ Connor, and Sammy Davis Jr. when it occurred to me that I should probably focus on learning the craft of acting if I wanted to continue pursuing that particular path in the entertainment industry. I had focused intensely on two out of the three “triple threat” disciplines, so I guessed it was time that I figured out the third part. It was an accessory to being able to perform musical theatre roles more effectively, and I guess that backfired in a sense and became a more central focus as I developed.

Iowa isn’t the most common birthplace for a big-time actor. What does your family — and presumably other Midwestern relatives — think of your journey into Hollywood?

They are both thrilled and confused. Don’t get me wrong — my family is very happy for me, and while we have had our spats over the years about whether or not I should be pursuing a highly volatile, financial unstable career, they have ultimately come through and rooted for me and my success.

That being said, I think pursuing a career in the mainstream entertainment industry is a very singular experience. Unless you’ve lived it and hit the pavement in NYC, L.A., etc., it’s very hard to understand the day-to-day struggles of a performing artist. I think that certain regions of the country are �� generally — a majority of media consumers as opposed to creators, and there is a disconnect between the public and those of us pursuing an arts career that propagates the fallacy of things being easy and breezy, since you don’t have to get up every day at 6 AM, go to the office, and then come home and make dinner. People see that lack of structure as undisciplined and fancy-free. Let me tell you, it’s anything but. Artists have to hit the pavement in a very different way that is highly varied from day to day, and that uncertainty introduces a unique kind of stress, in addition, to actually trying to be good at your job. I always say that booking work is my “job” as an actor, and when I actually book a gig, that’s where the job ends and the craft and career begins. Translating that to someone without firsthand experience can be infuriatingly difficult.

Where were you when you found out about landing AHS: 1984 and the scope of your role? What did you do?Who did you call first?

I was in the studio recording an audiobook — one of the many ways that this particular actor has been able to supplement their income, and it has been such a gift. I was waiting on the call, and I stopped narrating mid-sentence — much to the puzzlement of my audio engineer — and picked up. I got the news, opened the door of the vocal booth and leaned against the front wall, sliding down to a sitting fetal position, and started to tear up. I called a few close friends and family and walked around for the better part of an hour mildly freaking out. The studio staff secretly went and bought a bottle of champagne down the street, and after I finished my page quota for the day they surprised me with a toast. Then everything in my life became a blur.

Of course, without spoiling anything, what can you tell us about your role as Richard Ramirez in AHS: 1984?

Oh, that’s a very difficult question. Richard Ramirez was a real person. I am playing a character that shares his name and is informed by him and his history. Beyond that, you’ll just have to wait and see.

What was the most memorable moment from shooting the series?

I can’t say my absolute favourite without revealing secrets! But I’ll say that the encounter with the hiker in episode two was quite “fun” — if you can call pretending to murder someone “fun.” The makeup and FX team on the show is the best in the biz, and the blood rig that was used in that scene was just wild. It was messy and crazy, and [there was] high pressure to get it right in one take, and I loved it.

What’s your method for getting into character, both in the weeks and moments leading up to a shoot or performance?

I have to play these cards close to the chest. Some of it is instinct. I just feel as though I am inside the character’s head at some point after spending enough time with the material, but it’s different with each role.

Sometimes I need to know how they sound, sometimes it’s historical research. It’s ALWAYS spending an exorbitant amount of time with the script — that’s the golden rule for me. Whether its Shakespeare or the 200th episode of Friends, you have to start with the text as an actor, and the most minute differences in phrasing, punctuation, word choice, etc. are clues to how this person operates as a human being and in the world. I always come back to the text. Any other secret sauce that I do I’ll keep secret for now.

What’s been the most challenging part of playing a character like this?

I’ll modify the question to ask what’s the most important part of playing a character like this… and that, I think, is being able to let it go at the end of the day — which I don’t always succeed in doing. Sometimes after an intense shoot it takes me a minute to let go of the energy I was carrying around on set. I pride myself on being able to flip in and out, but that is challenging from time to time for me on this particular project.

If you could only watch one film and one television series for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

The Back to the Future Trilogy for movies and Battlestar Galactica for TV. Nerd alert.

Apart from acting (and dance) you’re also well-versed in music. How did you begin as a musician?

The same time that I started hearing it, so very, very early. Growing up with a dance studio attached to your house, you hear a lot of very diverse music over the years. That all seeped into my subconscious, and I was writing full-on symphonies in my head walking through the woods in Iowa when I was seven or eight years old. Mind you, I didn’t have the skills to put that into writing or notation — and still don’t, not for the symphonies anyway.

I learned how to read music by playing the violin in elementary school. I didn’t pick up a guitar or actually start producing original music in any tangible way until my junior year at Interlochen Arts Academy. There, my roommate Filip — a wildly talented self-taught metal guitarist and visual arts student from Macedonia — taught me things here and there, and I also taught myself by ear. The Internet, man.

Who are some other musicians with whom you’d like to collaborate?

St. Vincent. Top of the list. Blink 182 — a childhood dream. Jimmy Eat World. John Mayer but only if he lets me be in his next ridiculous green screen music video. Mac Ayers, Tears For Fears, Snail Mail, and oh, I dunno… Taylor Swift. Come at me.

Who are your biggest musical inspirations? And what have you been listening to lately?

Biggest? That’s tough because it changes with each project. Tower of Power is a huge influence for me. My first band was funk-based, and man, they are so groovy. If you don’t know, now you know go listen to them. St. Vincent. Jimmy Eat World. And, regardless of the drama surrounding this artist from time to time, John Mayer. He really is one of the great guitarists of our generation, and more importantly, the songwriting that he produces is top-notch. I’ve learned a lot from diving deep into his material over the years. Miles Davis, and jazz in general, is huge for me. Brain fuel. Listening lately to Sleater-Kinney’s new record, Knuckle Puck, and a lot of 2000s pop-punk.

What else can we look forward to from Zach Villa — be in 2019, 2020 or later?

World domination.

The track on the video content [for this shoot] is the first single — a tease if you will — of my new solo project. Go check it out. My band Sorry Kyle will be dropping a ton of music over the next few months if you’re into punk and emo.

And that’s just music. Acting-wise, post-AHS I’m waiting to see what comes down the pipe. I’m always creating. I want to be fluid in music, movement, film and TV, directing, etc. There’s no time like the present and the present is, well, now. So hang on tight.  

[wintersongstress]

Hello💜 I've come to you about writing before. I was the anon asking about how to not subconsciously steal others ideas and how to make it not sound cheesy when writing. So a update on this whole situation is: I'm seriously thinking about doing it!💜 Do you have any key tips for writing? For instance, things to remember, using proper punctuation, or just key tips that you feel is essential across the board?

The very first rule of writing is simple and well known.

Just write.

The second rule is that any other rule hence after the first can go out the window at any moment for the sake of creative intent. This is another way of saying that there are no concrete rules to writing—if you know what you’re doing.

In the grand scope of writing, there is a lot of ground to cover. I’ll do my best to go over some of the essentials, for I can go in depth about any of these tips if you want further explanations. But without further ado, here’s my crash course in creative writing and things you should know.

DISCLAIMER: Some of these are my personal opinion of what makes good writing. Every person who reads this has to option to agree or disagree, I am just doing my best to inform others based on my experiences and perceptions. I am not a published writer, merely someone who recognizes good works and what comprises them. 

If you’re just beginning to write there are a few tools you will need to get started properly. It is crucial to understand that writing is foremost about. You. Before you begin anything, you have to consider what you hope to accomplish and strive for that goal.

Along this journey, you need to identify your style: what you like to write and read, what you want to create and inspire in your reader’s imagination. The more you write, the more you develop your style and become more comfortable with it to produce more. Get to know it. Discover how you want your writing to be. The best way to accomplish this is through practice. No piece of writing should be regretted or deemed worthless, for every sentence you write improves your skill. I’m going to break up this post by the basics and some tips for improving/stuff to watch out for.

— POINT OF VIEW❧

When you have your idea for a story, you need to begin to think about whose voice you will need to tell it with and how. This is done through whatever point of view you decide is best, given each ones advantages and limitations. Think about the distance you want to have between the narrator and your reader, and which point of view will put your reader in the center of the protagonist’s experience. Point of view isn’t just about what pronouns you’re going to use, it’s also about how you want to convey scenes and the feelings of your characters. Here are the three types of POVs you should be familiar with: 

Limited — this view only includes details and information the main character would know. It is fixed inside one character’s head and shouldn’t hop out of it.

Objective — this one is less frequently used; it focuses solely on observing the story’s happenings, and the narrator isn’t involved. This leaves the reader to interpret what the main character is thinking, for there is no commentary and only reports on what is being seen and heard in the story.

Omniscient — the all-knowing point of view. Omniscient can report on all of the happenings of the story, past and present, and relative to any character in the story. With this point of view, the author has to decide which information to divulge and include about the characters, as well as the events of the story in order to proceed in their desired direction.

As you can see, point of view is a pivotal aspect to your writing that you should carefully consider in order to give your story the best-suiting voice.

— VOICE❧

I mentioned in Point of View how you use a certain voice when you write to convey your story. Going beyond the perspective you choose, voice is how you express ideas and feelings in your writing, as well. It is the mood that speaks to the reader and suggests what your words want to inspire in your reader’s mind. Voice helps to paint a picture. You accomplish voice through the style of your sentences, whether short and fast, to long and slow, and through the words you choose to use.

The other counterpart to voice is prose—prose is what you are communicating, and voice is how you are speaking. Consider what tone of voice you want in your writing. Every passage speaks to the reader in different ways.You can control what you want your reader to feel about what is happening in your story through voice. I’ll touch on how to do this more in my section on prose.

— PUNCTUATION❧

Punctuation is something we need to get down as soon as possible. It’s impassible. You have to know proper grammar. Rather than give you a boring grammar lesson, I’m going to provide a link to a very helpful website that will clear up all of your questions on punctuation. This stuff is need to know and surprisingly easy to get down.

— PARAGRAPH BREAKS❧

It is absolutely essential to know when to break up your writing. No one wants to read one long block of text. Start a new paragraph whenever the camera shifts focus, the setting changes, a new character shows up or speaks, a new idea is introduced, times moves forward/backward, or a new event occurs. You can also make new paragraphs to create a dramatic effect when you isolate a sentence or two. 

— SENTENCE VARIETY❧

As you’re writing, you might start to notice that your sentences may be beginning to look and sound alike. Don’t panic! That’s completely normal, and completely fixable. Everything can be fixed in editing and rewriting. However, you should be mindful of the types of sentences you compose. The variety of your sentences impacts the flow of your writing and how it moves. Too many long sentences will start to drone and tire your reader, while too many short sentences come off as percussive and rough. To get your passages to flow smoothly, you need a mix of both.

— SHOW, DON’T TELL & WRITING WITH DETAIL❧

Show, Don’t Tell is one of the most immersive techniques you can use in your writing to captivate your reader. It is the practice of describing the setting, characters, and actions in the story rather than blandly telling the reader, allowing them to interpret your writing with their own unique imagination. As a writer, it’s your job to imagine your story and write it as you see it in the hopes that your reader sees what you do. Certain details will stick out to you that you wish to embed in your reader’s mind. Pay attention to them. Sometimes, sentences have to do an efficient job at getting your story where it needs to go with little flourish and that’s fine. Other times, they have the job of luring your reader directly inside the protagonist’s experience.Show, Don’t Tell is how you absorb them into the story. It can make all the difference in the world. Let me show you a few examples of how to show, rather than tell so you can see what I mean. 

He was angry. — This is telling your reader that He is angry. Consider showing them instead by describing what anger looks like on the character.  

He clenched his jaw, veins throbbing in his neck as his hands curled into fists beside him. —This paints a better picture by showing that the character is angry through his body language.

The house at the end of the street was old. — Again, we’re telling the reader that the house is old. Describe the house in a way that shows the reader that it’s old.

Beneath the suffocating grasp of ivy, the house’s faded paint was peeling and cracked.The rotting wood of the front steps creaked beneath her feet ominously. — Notice how the words suffocating and ominously give off a distinct connotation in this description. The reader knows the house is old and now has a certain feeling about it because of the words used to describe it. 

Using details stimulates the imagination more than simplybeing told something, and when you begin to write with these kinds of details,you start to show rather than tell.

— PACING/WEAVING ❧

There are three discernible elements to writing:

Narrative — your main character’s thoughts and musings, as well as observations and descriptions that gives your story its depth and substance.

Dialogue — all of the words spoken by your characters and that which brings them to life.

Action — the movement of your story with your characters and events.

When you continually weave all three elements, your story keeps its momentum. To have good pacing, you should refrain from leaning too heavily on one element for an extended period of time. Your reader needs variety to keep them interested and involved. If you describe a setting for paragraphs and paragraphs on end, it will get boring. Weave in thoughts and dialogue, and keep things moving with action to keep your reader invested and your writing from slowing down.

— PROSE❧

There are a lot of ways to define prose, and I feel like prose is one of those words that people throw around without fully understanding what it means. 

Prose is more than just the words you use and the way you use them. Prose is the use of careful diction and select imagery to communicate a feeling or a concept in your writing. Voice is how your writing sounds. Prose is what you’re saying. Syntax also plays a huge role in your prose, which is the conscious way you order the words in your sentences. Let’s look at an example of one sentence written two different ways:

I wandered through a garden.

and

Through a garden, I wandered.

While these sentences are rather simple, you should note that there is a difference between them.

The first one is a passive statement of fact. It places the subject noun, I, first, and finishes with a prepositional phrase.

In the second sentence, you’ll notice that there is more of a flow to it. Contrary to the first one, this sentence leads the subject onto whatever sentence succeeds it because it echoes.The reason why it echoes in the reader’s mind is because it doesn’t end on that prepositional phrase! In some cases, that is the weakest way to end a sentence,and in prose you should always write each sentence in the strongest way possible. With that echo, that second sentence leads onto the next and carries on the prose that is being established, line by line. 

The imagery of a garden,and the diction of the word wandered crafted a prose and a voice that is wistful.  When editing,determine if each line is written in the strongest way possible by playing around with your diction and syntax. 

— DIALOGUE❧

I can tell you that the best way to write better dialogue is to study movies, tv shows, and plays and note how it moves a story forward.That’s dialogues primary job. 

You should avoid small talk that adds nothing to your characters and you should say things that are interesting. Act it out, recite it, and read it aloud to make sure it sounds realistic, because that’s important. Moreover, keep in mind that your dialogue should be an act of unraveling something. There should be a goal in mind for where each conversation eventually leads to that enhances your writing. Keep the dialogue tags minimal whenever possible and make sure you are punctuating correctly!

— ADVERBS ❧

Adverbs are fine, although sometimes I find myself using them as a crutch and a placeholder when I don’t know the proper word to use. They can be unnecessary(“he yelled loudly”), and sometimes they can switched out for one word instead(“she whispered”, instead of “she spoke quietly”). Whenever you use an adverb,briefly consider if there is another word you’re looking for that may be a better match. If not, leave them be, unless you’re using too many of them in a sentence! Keep in mind that the more concise your writing is, the clearer it will read. 

— UNNECESSARY DETAILS/SPECIFICITY ❧

Sometimes, you have to cut out pieces of your writing you don’t want to part with. It’s a tragedy, sacrificing a description or a scene that you love for the good of the story because it doesn’t add anything when it boils down to it. Trimming the fat, however, let’s your real writing shine through. You should focus on what’s important and not “overwrite”. Let’s say your character is sitting in restaurant waiting for someone. It’s not necessary to go into detail about what everyone is wearing and the color of their clothes if that’s not important information. It’s fine to describe the setting so the reader can imagine where they are, just don’t go into the minute details if they’re not truly essential to the story. It becomes distracting. Worse, it’ll show more of you, just writing for the sake of it, than the story.

Also, phrases like nodding your head, standing to your feet,squinting your eyes, thinking to yourself, and grabbing with your hands are overly specific. It can be understand that your head is what you nod with, your feet are what you stand on, and so on and so forth. You’re specifying the verb unnecessarily.

Anything that isn’t working for your story is working against it.

— FILTERING❧

This relates to Show, Don’t Tell and there’s a lot to be said here.

What I see too much and think should be avoided is something called filtering, which causes your writing to tell your reader rather than show.

I want it to be understood that these types of phrases—which I will get to in a second—aren’t completely bad. Sometimes they’re necessary.Sometimes your sentences need to be effective and have no flair and that is well and truly fine! You can use these lines to create distance, but if you want your reader to be as close as possible to the narrator I would consider dropping them.

When reading something, it can be understood that everything being perceived is being done so through the main character. They are who is seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling everything you describe.Therefore, it is unnecessary to announce what sense is about to be triggered.Here is an example so you know what I mean:

He heard the birds singing their cheerful song outside first. Feeling the warmth of the sunlight on his face, he turned over and buried his face in the pillow until he distinctly smelled the unmistakable aroma of pancakes floating up from the kitchen.

Here is a revised version without the filters:

The cheerful notes of the morning birds’ songs stirred him from his sleep. At the warmth of sunlight on his face, he turned over in his bed, burying his face in the pillow until the distinct aroma of pancakes floated up from the kitchen.

That reads much clearer and smoother, doesn’t it? The reader understands what is heard, felt, and smelled without being told because they are shown. Phrases like he heard, she felt, I watched, bog down your writing and make it murky. Consider avoiding phrases with: saw, heard, smelled, felt, tasted, watched, etc. Dismissing those filter words can do wonders for your writing.

In a third-person point of view, these kinds of phrases are commonplace. Understandably. That point of view requires a distance to be maintained. All I want you to notice is if it’s a tendency you have and consider if it’s essential to keep in your writing.

— BORING FIRST LINES❧

This is the most common mistake I come across. People seriously underestimate the power of the first line and they shouldn’t because I believe it’s the most important sentence you’ll write, followed by the last one. It has the most significant job: to grab the reader. The first line has to give the reader a reason to read the next one. Too often, I see bland opening lines that describe the weather or the setting in a broad capacity. While this isn’t inherently bad, it can be boring and uninteresting. You’re about to step into the world of your writing, think of the most important and unique detail that sticks out if you’re developing an opening scene. Zoom in right away and bring the reader into the heart of it. Don’t start at the edges. Setting the tone shouldn’t be neglected, but your first line has to slap and immerse your reader. Be creative; this is your opportunity to make your piece unique off the bat. It’s okay to contemplate what your opening line should be and come back to it so you can give your writing the best start. Sometimes, I find that I can’t write the best-fitting first line until the last is written.

— DON’T HATE YOUR BABY❧

The final thing I want to tell you about writing is the most important and hardest to remember.

Don’t Hate Your Baby.

Whatever you write, you made. It’s yours. That is your creation. That is your baby. It will have flaws, but that’s okay because it’s a baby. It can’t help it! You have to accept the flaws and nurture your baby, loving it regardless. That’s the only way it can grow into its full potential. You have to be patient and humble with yourself. Your writing is your responsibility and it has the potential for unique greatness, as any child does! Don’t compare your writing to others, because as I said before, your style is unique to you. 

I know that was really long but I hope at least some of it was helpful to you as a beginner. My inbox is always open to further questions! Thank you so much for sending this ask and looking to me for advice, I am more than happy to give it!

Take care, I wish you the best of luck on your writing journey

[houseofvans]

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | INTERVIEW WITH PEARL C. HSIUNG

LA based multimedia artist Pearl C. Hsiung explores the relationships between humans and nature through her various paintings, sculptures, videos and installations.  In a collaboration with the Borrego Boys & Girls Club as well as members of the public, Pearl recently created a site-specific sculpture using wood, plexiglass and non-recyclable plastic waste. She’s also unveiling a large-scale tile mosaic commission in 2022 at the new 2nd/Hope St Metro station in downtown, LA. We’re excited to find out more about Pearl’s artwork, collaborations, and what she’s got coming up for the rest of the year.

Take the Leap! 

Photographs courtesy of the artist. 

Could you introduce yourself to everybody? Hi I’m Pearl C Hsiung, I live and work in Los Angeles.  ‘Hsiung’ is pronounced ‘shung’ and means the animal bear in Chinese.  I have a pet mini-Rex named Rambo who lives free- range in my apartment.

How would you describe the art you create? How would you describe your particular technique? I’d say that my practice uses the landscape as a starting point for thinking through our connection to it and towards the idea that we are inseparable from the matter around us.  If all matter in the universe combusted out of the same material then our current, subjective reality, where we behave as if we’re defined apart from everything around us, is an illusion.  

In past painting, video and installation works this is performed through metamorphosing, flowing and eruptive forms bursting out of their geological, biological, technological, and cultural skins.  In works like Full Gorge (2017) and Original Face (2018), I was thinking about the interconnection of all that is natural, human, more-than-human and artificial through an experience of immersive presence in material space.  

For me, these free-standing paintings point to a certain moment of presence, not unlike the moment I experience sometimes after reading certain zen kõans or Daoist phrases; it is an instant moment, a moment of clarity where I understand it all.  But it is fleeting, it is a momentary experience that precedes, challenges or completely eludes language.  Maybe this is not unlike a moment experienced when in nature, during sex or laughter (during both?), plugged into VR or while coding.  

What are your favorite things to paint? What should folks take away from your works? I enjoy painting on canvas, paper, MDF, wood…  Actually I hope people bring to my works.  I encourage the exchange that I make the work and viewers bring their perceptions and interpretations.

What’s a typical day in the studio for you like? And what are you currently working on in the studio? My studio schedule is fluid depending on the season.  It also depends on how much I’m teaching, I may only get one full day and a couple half days a week for the studio, other times I’m 5-6 days a week.  Time spent in the studio varies a lot and can include research, reading, sketching, painting, writing, building, cleaning, organizing, accounting, correspondence, grant proposals, teaching applications, pacing, prepping for big work/big actions, paint experiments, materials tests, staring, repotting plants…

I’m starting on new work for a show at Visitor Welcome Center in Koreatown in November 2019.

When you’re working on and developing a new painting or piece, how does it begin - take us from sketchbook, to color choices, to finished painting?   New work is always a continuation of themes and ideas from previous works and research. The form changes as the focus shifts on those ideas or approaches.  The decisions on everything from composition, structure, color palette and presentation are informed by this new focus as well as the new context of making that work.  Personal, experiential, studio environment, cultural influences, topical events all seep into that.  The sketchbook is full of garbage, I let it sit there to compost and sometimes it sprouts a new bud…

What tools will someone always find you using at your studio? What are your preferred materials? Tools have changed through the years.  More recently you’ll see squeegees and plastic paint guides (that I use like a squeegee) rather than brushes for the paintings.  Consistently, I use white paper and tape as painting tools.  The computer, the internet and books are always studio necessities for research and admin tools.  I use paints and inks that comes tubes, tubs, tins, buckets, bottles, spray cans, jars, sets on canvas, cold-pressed paper, MDF, cardboard.  I’ve been experimenting with painting on non-recyclable plastic I’ve tried to make into it’s own substrate but it’s not yet working out.

How do you unplug yourself so to speak? What do you do to center or re-focus yourself if you find yourself stressed out about deadlines, art shows, and the sort? When the stress piles up it helps if I do yoga first thing in the morning in my living room, but the best way to deal with the stress is to work through it.  When I feel overwhelmed by anxiety relating to projects, teaching, or deadlines, it usually helps me to become more prepared, using research, preparation and experimentation to deal with the parts that can be addressed.  For short term refocusing, I step outside and stare at things:  the sky, the plants outside of my studio, the birds on the telephone lines, the clouds.  Or I’ll take a walk around the block, change my daily routine like driving a different route, take the bus, walk through the grocery or thrift store before getting to work.  

For longer term re-centering, if I can, I leave town or just go stare at the ocean.  Staring is like open-eyed meditation for me, I try to empty out my thoughts, blank out and spend unscheduled time.  Sleep well and spending time with family and friends are also priceless rechargers.

You recently worked with AIR Talks: Candlewood Arts Festival collaborated with folks you met at the Borrego Boys & Girls Club? Tells us about the festival, the project and about the various workshops you helped conduct? Why was this event so important to you? This was the inaugural Candlewood Arts Festival, a temporary public art event in the town of Borrego Springs located in the Anza Borrego State Park.  Tanya Aguiniga, Devon Tsuno, Kor Newkirk, Mario Ybarra Jr and I created different site- and community-specific sculptures and happenings during the last weekend of March 2019.  Most of our works were located out in Galleta Meadows, an open, outdoor lot amidst the expansive desert landscape.  

For my sculpture Holocene Screen, I collaborated with youth from the Borrego Boys & Girls Club as well as members of the public during a workshop at the Borrego Art Institute to create a sculpture using wood, plexiglass and non-recyclable plastic waste that considered the simultaneity of nature, human and artificial as a landscape within a landscape.  

As part of the Holocene Screen workshop process, the students had to brainstorm words that fell into three categories: nature, human and artificial.  Then they were asked to write a short story, poem or single sentence using one word from each category which they painted onto a plexiglass window in the sculpture.  It was interesting to learn how easy it was for them to identify elements from nature and human, yet struggle with artificial.  

We had discussions about what artificial is and what items from their everyday lives fall under that definition.  Their next step was to visualize and compose a singular picture or narrative that threaded all three.  I think that was a good example of how easily we can grasp, and even romanticize and/or idealize the relationship between nature and human, and the difficulty or resistance to imagining the artificial in our aesthetic compositions or picture of reality.  

My intention, for both workshop participants and myself, was to place these three elements in one view, one image in order to de-emphasize the space between natural and unnatural.  What does that look like and where does that lead us to.

What do you enjoy about collaborations? What would be your dream collaboration? The best aspect of collaboration is giving up control and the sharing of ideas and labor.  Working in the studio is so solitary that it can be a great relief to open up to working with someone else or others.

Earlier this year you also showed works and visited with the Paramo Galeria in Guadalajara! Tell us a bit about the overall experience and exhibition. I had paintings included in New Suns, a group exhibition curated by Kris Kuramitsu at Paramó, it was the first time I’ve been to Guadalajara.  It was thrilling to be showing with such a strong group of artists, Sherin Guirguis, Kenyatta A.C. Hinkle, Nasim Hantehzadeh and Gabriella Sánchez among them.  I went for the opening back in December and also spoke on a panel with Sherin, Kenyatta and Kris at the Guadalajara International Book Fair, which I learned is the largest book fair of the Americas and the second largest in the world.  

Another first was speaking to an audience while being translated sentence by sentence.  We had a really furtive conversation though regarding the themes that our practices share.  

Something else that was new for me, was having an experience that someone might call…spirit related.  Ghost or undead related?  I told you about it later and you also had a ghostly experience the same weekend but in Big Bear?  

All I will say is that it was a disturbance by very young thing that was too visceral to be a dream.

You’ve worked in various mediums from murals to sculpture to painting to video / animation. Is there a medium you’ve yet to try that you want to get into? I like an answer that Gertrude Stein gave during an interview from 1935.  It regards the forms that writing takes, i.e. the novel, the autobiography etc, so I’m taking it out of context a bit, but the interviewer asks her “What has passion got to do with choosing an art form?”  She answers “Everything.  There is nothing else that determines form.”  So I think I’ve let form, or choice of medium come from the initial impulses of the work I end up making.  Maybe there is a VR piece or mural in bronze in my future….

What’s the most challenging aspect of what you do? How do you overcome these obstacles? What keeps you going? Financial sustainability.  Keeping the studio open while also preserving time to work in it.  I live off a financial collage composed of hustling - teaching, selling work, artist lectures, panel discussions, grants, commissions - but the stress of keeping it together has taken years off my life!

Share with us some artists you’re really excited about as of late.  York Chang,The Signal and The Noiseat Vincent Price Art Museum, April-July 2019. What I like about York Chang’s works in this show is that he uses information, text, images and sound to magnify the chaotic and disorienting feeling that comes with checking your phone, radio or tv for news or information. Facts and truths are just atoms floating around in a giant cosmos of distorted narratives, info, and transmissions, you cannot locate the signal or its source amidst the noise. The show’s installation makes you feel swallowed up in this, it’s enveloping yetliberating to be lost in, setting you up to enjoy the weird connections that York makes.

Carolina Caycedo’s Apariciones / Apparitions, a video exhibited at the Huntington Library last summer (you can see it on view at the Vincent Price Art Museum this summer, June 15 - December 21, 2019.)  This video is gorgeous and powerful.  Female, black, brown and queer dancers twirl, flounce, throb and glide throughout the colonial-style and asian gardens and libraries of the Huntington.  Sometimes they are totally fluid bodies in motion and at others times quite still and making spellbinding eye-contact with the viewer. You are watching a conjuring of the bodies and spirits of those whose representations and histories are missing throughout the art, books and histories archived in the Huntington’s collections.

Christina Quarles But I Woke Jus’ Tha Same at Regen Projects, April-May 2019. I suggest people see her paintings in person, they are really engaging.  They are figurative, figures coupling, moving into and through each other, embracing beyond recognition by the brain and into recognition by the flesh.  Materially they are gymnastic, virtuosic but not stuffy and make me want to paint. York Chang, The Signal and The Noise at Vincent Price Art Museum, April-July 2019.  What I like about York Chang’s works in this show is that he uses information, text, images and sound to magnify the chaotic and disorienting feeling that comes with checking your phone, radio or tv for news or information. Facts and truths are just atoms floating around in a giant cosmos of distorted narratives, info, and transmissions, you cannot locate the signal or its source amidst the noise.

Dynasty Handbag (Jibz Cameron) is a performance, video artist who lives in LA right now.  She’s the sharpest, funniest, slipperiest, grotesque-adjacent comic performer in the universe.  When you see her live, she reads the room, the crowd and herself so spontaneously that you’re always on a mood-swinging rollercoaster. She’s so distortedly vulnerable, proud and charming that you’re not only laugh-crying with and at her, but you’re mostly dying over how culture makes us schizo and insane.  She hosts a monthly queer performance night called Weirdo Night here at Zebulon.

What are your favorite Vans? SK8-His that are all solid black w/ black soles.

What do you have coming up that you can share with us? I’ve got a show opening in November 2019 at Visitor Welcome Center in Koreatown, LA and a large-scale tile mosaic commission at the new 2nd/Hope St Metro station in downtown LA, opening in 2022!!

FOLLOW PEARL | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM 

[wealth4living]

Interview Questions and Answers! Interview Guide Reveals Word-For-Word Exactly What You Need To Say To Get Hired.

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[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #8

Here we are again folks, number 8! This time we’re continuing on from last week’s interview with a bit of role reversal, @ellis-hendricks posing questions to her friend and beta @geekmama, chatting about Brit-picking, bad writing habits, favourite authors, and, most importantly, which of Sherlock’s shirts does it for her. 

But starting off with a recap of last week’s intro...

We are, respectively, a Californian and a Geordie, and we got to know each other through reading and reviewing each other’s fics (geekmama’s ‘Time of the Season’ series was one of the first fics I read and loved). Geekmama has been writing in the fandom for around 3 years, and I’ve been doing the same for around 2 years, spurred on by the end of series 4 (and the ILY scene in particular). We started beta-reading each other’s work around a year ago, and are always discovering new and unexpected words and phrases that don’t translate across the pond! Although we’ve used the same set of questions for these interviews, we haven’t seen each other’s answers – so it does mean that if nobody else is interested, at least we will be!

Series

 ellis-hendricks: Was there a particular moment in the series that set the ship sailing for you?

geekmama: I think it was A Scandal in Belgravia, and specifically Sherlock’s unprecedented apology to Molly, that got me thinking that the possibility was there, that it wasn’t just Molly’s schoolgirl crush vs. Sherlock’s needs when the game was on. I have to say, even though the Sherlock/Molly ship is easy to board, Mofftiss, etc., were very clever about leaving the way open for other pairings throughout the series. Even the ILY scene and its fallout could be interpreted very differently, if one was so inclined. It is really thanks to all the amazing fanfic authors out there that I jumped on board and took up residence on the good ship Sherlolly.

ellis-hendricks: What's your favourite episode and why?

geekmama: I love bits and pieces of all of them, but the one that I’ve watched more than any other is The Sign of Three. It’s heartwarming, hilarious, and only mildly heartbreaking. Even the villain of the piece, as little as we see him, has a motive one can understand.

ellis-hendricks: If you could ask/tell the series writers one thing, what would it be?

geekmama: Killing off Mary was a mistake, and I don’t care if that event sets up the entire story arc of season four, you should have thought of something else. Come on! You are brilliant writers, you could have done it.

ellis-hendricks: Do you have a controversial opinion about the series? E.g. a character who everyone else hates, but who you love?

geekmama: Or everyone loves but you hate? I’d say Moriarty qualifies. Andrew Scott is very cute, but though he’s in a number of the episodes we’re never given much insight to his character’s motives. Moriarty is pretty much just murderously insane in canon, and I don’t understand how one gets around that to write Molly/Moriarty or any of the slash pairings.

ellis-hendricks: Have you ever, when watching an episode, cracked a case before Sherlock?

geekmama: Well, if the writers want us to, then we’re given the information to crack the case before Sherlock.  The series is about him, after all. The cases are secondary.

ellis-hendricks: With whom would you rather be stuck at a wedding table –

Janine or Irene?

geekmama: Janine, she is just fun and rather ordinary, whereas Irene has numerous ulterior motives under her veneer of smug vanity.    

ellis-hendricks: Donovan or Anderson?

geekmama: Anderson, since he actually felt remorse for what they did to Sherlock, and came to admire him, too. There might be more to Donovan than what we’re given, and certainly that’s what fanfic is for -- I’ve made her a sympathetic character in a couple of my own fics. And apparently she and Sherlock have some pretty interesting history between them.

ellis-hendricks: Who would you rather bring back in series 5 - Mary or Moriarty?

geekmama: Mary, of course -- she is a far more well-rounded (and loveable) character. One wants to know more about her.

ellis-hendricks: Whose house would you prefer to live in - Sherlock's, John & Mary's, Molly's or Mrs Hudson's?

geekmama: Probably Molly’s, though Sherlock’s would be tempting. Molly’s looks pretty state-of-the-art in the ILY scene, if rather bland -- I couldn’t imagine Molly living in a place that’s all granite gray. It doesn’t reflect her personality at all, and I didn’t even think it could be her home the first time I saw that episode.

ellis-hendricks: In your opinion, who has been the best series villain - Jim Moriarty, Charles Magnussen, Culverton Smith, or Eurus Holmes?

geekmama: Eurus. We’re at least given some idea of her motives, and one can feel some sympathy for her, even though she is as insanely murderous as the other three. The other three are pretty equally revolting.

 Your writing

 ellis-hendricks: What was your first fic? What prompted it, and how do you feel about it now?

geekmama: My first in the Sherlock fandom was Visiting Hours, written in March 2016. I first watched seasons 1-3 of Sherlock in October 2015 and I’d been reading other authors’ work for several months. There were ideas I wanted to explore, and I wanted to see if I could still write at all, lol! I hadn’t written anything since July of 2013, when I celebrated a decade of being in the Pirates of the Caribbean fandom with a series of ten 50 word drabbles. Visiting Hours is only 100 words, official drabble length, and it’s held up pretty well, I think. I don’t hate it, at least.

ellis-hendricks: Which fic are you most proud of/most attached to, and why?

geekmama: This is a really difficult question since I’ve written quite a few Sherlock fics. If I had to narrow it down, maybe Idiots in Love, which is part of the Aftermath series and from Greg Lestrade’s pov, which is always fun, and The Kensington House, kid!fic from my Time of the Season series. But then there are all  the holiday fics… and the historical AU’s…

ellis-hendricks: You write great AUs set in other historical periods - do you prefer this or present day?

geekmama: I’ve read, and written, a lot of historical fiction, and certainly writing it comes much more easily to me than writing something set in the present day -- particularly current culture in the UK. It’s a good thing my dear Ellis_Hendricks is willing to Brit-pick for me. I did my best, but I’m sure my early Sherlock fic has plenty of errors in that regard. That was the most difficult thing for me when I was beginning to write in this fandom. However, I have grown to enjoy writing fic set in the present almost as much as writing historical fic.

ellis-hendricks: What are your worst writing habits?/What are your most overused phrases, plotlines, etc?

geekmama: Wow. There are probably a LOT of bad habits (run-on sentences, excessive use of parentheses and ellipses, etc. etc.etc.), and overused phrases/words. As for plotlines, I find the (comparatively) reality-based canon of Sherlock to be somewhat limiting to begin with (which is why AU’s were invented, I suppose). I try not to repeat plotlines, but of course I’ve used post-ILY scenarios multiple times (and no doubt will again -- the anniversary is coming up on the 15th), and I tend to overdo the h/c as that’s one of my favorite things.

ellis-hendricks: Do you have a writing routine? Where and when? And is everything digital, or are things ever handwritten first?

geekmama: Laptop, ideally in the morning, alone in bed (except for a pile of snoozing dogs), with no distractions like music etc. I can write with the TV or music on, but it takes a lot longer to produce anything. I haven’t produced finished handwritten works since I was in high school, and when I first got back into writing in late 2003 it was on a laptop I borrowed from work -- and it was a revelation! I wouldn’t bother handwriting more than a drabble or the outline of a story, now. Computers FTW!!!

ellis-hendricks: Who do you enjoy writing the most?

geekmama: Sherlock (if I have to choose -- I love Molly, Mycroft, and Lestrade pov, too).

ellis-hendricks: Who do you find easiest/hardest doing first person POV? - Sherlock seems fairly easy a lot of the time (hopefully readers agree -- I may be way off base, who knows?), and maybe Molly for hardest. We see so little of Molly over the course of the series it’s sometimes difficult for me to get a handle on her.

ellis-hendricks: Which fic would you recommend to someone who has never read your stuff before? - Benefit of the Doubt, maybe. I like the way it came out. It was one of those that practically wrote itself.

ellis-hendricks: What do you value most when it comes to feedback?

geekmama: Any feedback is very much appreciated, from Kudos to brief comments, but it’s always nice when someone references a particular phrase or idea they liked. I know how difficult that is to do, sometimes, though.

ellis-hendricks: Would you ever go back and revise old fics - or do you consign them to history once they're published?

geekmama: If I discover (or someone points out) an error I will go back and correct it, but I don’t really revise my stories once they are posted.

ellis-hendricks: What's the nicest/weirdest bit of feedback you've ever had? And does feedback ever influence what you write next, either within a story or in terms of future fics?

geekmama: I have to say I’ve had a lot of great, encouraging comments over the years, and maybe a few negative ones, mostly on FF.net, which I pretty much ignore, though one or two brought up interesting points. I think mostly people leave a comment if they really like something, or just go away if they don’t. Feedback does influence what I write to an extent -- say if someone really wants more of a certain story, or aspect of a story, that gets me thinking how it could be done.

ellis-hendricks: Do you - or would you - write other pairings?

geekmama: Well, yes, I’ve written Mycroft/Lady Smallwood, and John/Mary, and I have a few fics that reference Lestrade/OFC. And of course there are other F/M possibilities. But mostly it’s Sherlock/Molly.

ellis-hendricks: How would you define your style? (E.g. mine was called 'fluffy realism’, which I quite liked!)

geekmama: I agree with that ‘fluffy realism’ definition, the sweetest stuff and easily related to. I would call mine “Romance” if I had to choose a word, the old definition of romance that entails fluff, angst, humor, adventure -- all the stuff that makes a story interesting and fun to read.

ellis-hendricks: What's your method in approaching a story? Do you plan methodically, or wing it?

geekmama: I am somewhere in between. With longer fic I sometimes use an outline, but more often I have a basic plot in mind, complete with ending, and think about it until I’m finally ready (and have the time) to write it.

ellis-hendricks: Who do you write for? Is it you, or are you thinking about trying to please your audience?

geekmama: Mostly me. I started writing fanfic in the Pirates of the Caribbean fandom because I wasn’t seeing fic that went where I wanted to go with that story. With Sherlock it was some of that, and the fact that I wanted to further explore these compelling characters, and writing fic was the best way to do that. But I do write for my audience, to an extent, and it is fun to accept a prompt or theme from someone and write to it. In the PotC fandom we had a weekly drabble challenge for years, and I really miss that sort of thing.

ellis-hendricks: Do you have any WIPs, and do you think new chapters will ever see the light of day?

geekmama: I do have a WIP, Souvenirs, for which I’ve written a couple of additional chapters, and hope to finish some day. But it sort of got waylaid by the whole post-ILY thing. I may finish it. You never know. I also hope to write some more of that Regency AU, Uncertain Terms.

ellis-hendricks: Are you working on anything at the moment?

geekmama: I’m going to try to write something for the ILY Anniversay (January 15th).

ellis-hendricks: What’s harder for you - writing the start of a fic, or coming up with a decent title?

geekmama: Writing the start, I guess. Titles are usually easy. It’s plot and particularly a good ending that take a lot of work.

 Reading other people's fics

 ellis-hendricks: What are your favourite tropes in the fandom?

geekmama: Post-ILY scenarios, for sure, h/c, kid!fic, Mary is still alive, Christmas stories. Etc.

ellis-hendricks: What things are likely to turn you off a fic?

geekmama: Bad characterizations (we read fanfic because we want more of the characters we love);  poor editing / grammar; too many crazy tags; Intro posts that have TMI (I don’t want to know that you’re bad at titles/summaries/etc.), or that solicit reviews too blatantly. Well, those things and just stuff I don’t want to read -- bad porn, excessive violence (torture in particular), stories focusing on characters I dislike. I’m kind of picky, actually. But we write and read in a particular fandom for personal pleasure, and I think authors have to expect that their work won’t please everybody (or maybe anybody - who knows?).

ellis-hendricks: Can you recommend 3 favourite fics that aren't your own?

geekmama: Only 3??? Well, I’ve printed out miabicicletta’s A fearful hope was all the world, and sunken_standard’s Fumbling Toward Ecstasy, so I guess that counts for something. It’s virtually impossible to choose one of  Ellis_Hendricks’ fic, they reference so many of my favorite tropes and are all of them deliciously  memorable. But then, how can I leave out Quarto’s Competition? Or Emma_Lynch’s Quarantine? Or so many others?

ellis-hendricks: What compels you to leave comments on top of kudos?

geekmama: If some idea or turn of phrase stands out for me, and if the fic is well-done in general.

 ellis-hendricks: Quick-fire questions!

 John's TEH moustache or his TAB moustache?

geekmama: TAB (I don’t think we are meant to like his TEH moustache, are we?).

Sherlock's purple shirt or white shirt?

geekmama: Gah! Why do I have to choose? Purple, then.

Molly's stripy jumper or cherry cardigan?

geekmama: Stripy jumper, I think, as their relationship is more fully developed at that point.

Mary's christening outfit or black-ops gear?

geekmama: Christening outfit, for sure.

 Submitted by OhAine: this is a joint question for Ellis and geekmama: Do you feel that working together as betas has changed the way you both write?

geekmama: Not really, my process is the same and any input from Ellis_Hendricks is given after the fact. I edit the story accordingly, but there are usually only minor changes involved. I am particularly grateful for her “Brit-picking” skill, which obviously makes her far more valuable to me than I am to her -- it’s surprising how many little differences there are between the UK’s culture and California’s. I was woefully ignorant about that when I became involved in this fandom, and I don’t feel I’m much better now, really.

Next week, Friday 12th April 2019, @thisisartbylexie interviews @writingwife-83

[haniyafaran-blog]

ARE YOU IGNORING YOUR CUSTOMERS ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

Let us rephrase this sentence, “Are your customers ignoring you?” If the answer is affirmative, then it is probably because you’re the one who ignored them first. You cannot expect your audience to like, comment or engage with you on social media if you are not there doing the same. Do not forget that any social media interaction is a two-way street.

Before the advent of the internet, businesses mostly operated in a geographical location or they had a presence in the local market. This resulted in face to face business interaction with customers. With the introduction of internet and social media, many businesses started operating without a physical presence in any specific location. Now the main interaction between consumers and brands has shifted online.  

Mushrooming of businesses at an unprecedented pace has made it quite a challenge for brands to capture and retain the interest of their customers. This is mostly because present day customers have a lot of options to choose from. With online competition so fierce, digital marketing agency strategies are constantly evolving with the foremost concern being how to captivate customers’ attention and retain them. Businesses are well aware that it requires less effort to sell to existing customers than to gain new prospects. But in an effort to attract new prospects to their brands, many companies make the mistake of losing their existing customers. Here is where customer care comes in.

Customer care is a vital part of marketing strategy of any successful business. According to the Best Practices for Enhancing the Post Purchase Experience, your customer’s most recent experience with your company affects their opinion about your brand which they share with friends, family and online viewers. The satisfaction level of post purchase experience has a direct impact on the customer’s decision to buy from your brand or not. Therefore, it is essential for you to:

Listen to Your Customer

Customer feedback is a must for any business. Voice of Customer (VOC) is a term commonly used for this process. VOC entails gathering information about your customer’s needs, concerns and expectations through interviews, reviews, and online surveys, and making sure that this feedback reaches the relevant department and is analyzed on a regular basis. The three important things in a customer’s feedback that you should not ignore are:

1. Problems

If your customer has taken time and effort to point out a problem that is affecting him/her and others as well, it is best in your interest to take it seriously and share it with relevant people in your organization. Quick response to complaints made by your customers gives them the good feeling of being cared for that can lead in most cases to brand loyalty.

2. Praise

A positive feedback from your customer is as important as a negative one. Just as a complaint helps identify where and what you are doing wrong, similarly a compliment highlights what you are doing right. This can help you understand your strong points and give insight into how to improve them further.

Close the Loop

In an attempt to expand, many businesses are so focused on gaining new customers that they neglect their existing ones. This negligence occurs when businesses deliver products or services without any follow-up.

It is essential to keep in mind that the process of follow-up starts as soon as your customer buys your product. Follow-up process includes:

Confirm the order.

Ensure your customers that they have made a good choice.

Make a courtesy check-in call to ensure that everything is fine with their purchase.

Remind your customers that your customer support is available to assist them.

Surprise your customers with the offer of a bonus or discount on their next purchase. This will ensure their loyalty to your brand.

Keep frequent and friendly communication open with your customers. This will build their close affinity to your brand and give them a sense that they are still “in the game!”.

The rationale behind the phrase ‘don’t ignore your customers’ goes a long way in the success of your business:

1. It boosts customer loyalty.

When a customer gets the feeling of being cared for, they are most likely to feel satisfied with your brand or service. This satisfying experience increases customer’s willingness to purchase again from your brand and recommend it to others.

2. It attracts new customers

Word-of-the-mouth is an age old powerful marketing tool and has the same effect on online prospects as it did in face-to-face interaction. When your customers receive positive experience from your company, they are most likely to share that experience online with other social media users. This results in more awareness of your brand or service and attracts new customers for your business.

3. It increases revenue

Positive customer experience increases the number of advocates. Brand advocates are free of cost ‘word-of-the-mouth’ advertisers for your brand and can be highly effective in the increase of your revenues.

4. It creates a competitive advantage

A happy customer is sure to return to your brand. In today’s highly competitive scenario, price no longer holds an upper hand in affecting customer’s buying decision. A survey made by Gartner reveals that 64% of people think customer experience is more important than price in their choice of brand. In simple words, this means that customers like doing business with brands with whom they had a good experience.

5. It transforms organisations

The interrelation between customer’s experience and brand’s success cannot be ignored. The realization of the importance of customer’s experience can bring positive change in an organisation’s methods of conducting business and help revamp their structure.

Therefore, it is important to digest the fact that caring for and nurturing your customers is vital for your company’s success and ignoring them will not only result in losing your valuable clients but will give your brand a bad reputation. Remember your customers are the backbone of your business!

[ysc004-blog]

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