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radioactiverats · 1 month ago

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Mentor Starscream x seeker!reader (18/?)

Centuries late, your trining instincts start to show... and it's a mess all around.

SORRY FOR THE LONG PAUSE the opps got me for this one... my brain exploded (in a good way) after being introduced to seekers trining and flocking by @quasarwake (this is for you! And here is their beautifully written headcanon post about trining and seeker culture pls check it out!!) and finally it's... finished not perfect... it is There. I'd love to branch out on it more so I suppose the trining/flocking arc is something new in itself haha. Pls forgive this one real life has been so busy and my writer's block is huge TvT

Final year in the Academy was when group maneuvers were introduced. This coincided quite nicely with a period of time in which the trining instincts of young seekers would begin to emerge.

Historically, there were plenty of successful trines whose members had met as part of the same Academy squadron. Final year was a crucial period of social development for most, and with no shortage of young, curious cadets about, there were plenty of opportunities to experiment.

To maintain the balance as a species, the number of bots naturally inclined to be trine leaders tended to be lower. Good thing, too, most instructors would groan good-naturedly, because budding trine leader instincts were, bluntly put, an absolute nightmare.

Group maneuvers, exams, and the cherry on top for about a third of the squadron was to be overwhelmed by volatile, overpowering flashes of need. The need to protect. To claim. To breed, even, although that one had been banned on threat of a shameful expulsion. If you can survive final year as an emerging trine leader, they used to joke, you can do anything.

The result was a subset of cadets who oscillated wildly from mood to mood, constantly on edge from overactive sensory nets, set off at the slightest provocation and a little too eager to challenge one another for possession of quite literally anything. These fights ranged famously from ownership over one inch of space on a shared berth, a poster, to asserting a claim over a potential amica or trinemate. However, as young seekers matured, youthful trial and error would ultimately hone these instincts into something more refined, something that could be kept under control. Something that could be tactically employed to lure in potential trinemates, or even other trines.

As it were, the experience was completely normal for seekers - simply a response to the social need embedded deep in your coding that both made sense and was embraced as a part of seeker culture.

Had you lived a normal life, you’d probably have gone through the same thing without incidence.

Unfortunately for you, being pulled into an all-out civil war immediately after your first year came with no shortage of consequences. For centuries, as you struggled to adapt to the war, the desperate need to survive had put everything else on hold. Coupled with an obvious lack of peers, your social development was, in a word, lacking. In two words, practically nonexistent.

After centuries of war, you’d grown relatively accustomed to your new normal. As accustomed as one could be, anyway, and it was largely due to Starscream that you’d survived this long. Your dependence on him was only natural, even as the fruits of his training began to show and your dependence shifted largely to a more emotional one. Neither of you could come close to claiming emotions as your forte, but centuries being by his side was enough to excuse some sentiment, surely?

The point being that suddenly, your frame had decided it felt safe enough in Starscream’s continued presence to catch up on delayed developmental processes. And apparently, trining instincts were first on the list - instincts that should have emerged centuries ago.

Thundercracker had been hovering worriedly for several days now. Either he wasn’t being sneaky about it, or you’d somehow grown optics at the back of your helm, because your EM field prickled in an uncomfortable flare - just enough to irritate you - every time he glanced over.

“What?” You finally snap, and immediately feel bad. Thundercracker shrinks back, despite being so much larger than you are. Panic mars his normally gentle features, and the startled spike of his EM field has you rushing to him immediately, unaware that your own field is desperately trying to soothe his.

“TC, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me…”

“It’s okay,” Thundercracker says. He just sounds worried. Brushing it off, forgiving as ever. You feel guilty as you try to ignore the hot, itchy prickle of your EM field.

Thundercracker’s a good trinemate. Receptive to his trine’s needs, and it seemed that had extended to you. No wonder Starscream had chosen him - wait.

Why are you thinking about that?

“Cadet?” Thundercracker looks really concerned now, and you cycle your optics as you physically try to shake the strange thoughts from your processor.

“It’s nothing,” You blurt. “I’m fine, TC.”

“You sure?”

You viciously tamp down the urge to snap at him again.

“Yes. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

---

Thundercracker, however, refuses to believe it’s nothing. Even if he doesn’t know that your irritability is down to emerging trining instincts, he knows something is wrong - and unfortunately for everyone involved, that’s enough for him to fly into a tizzy of worried fretting à la trinemate. Well, sort of, anyway.

‘Girls Night’ is Thundercracker’s idea - no doubt something he’d gotten from his Terran movies. After studiously watching a string of teen rom-coms, he’d deduced that ‘Girls Night’ was a special sort of gathering that one had with their amicas with the purpose of venting unpleasant emotions. And quite obviously decided that you needed one.

However, the idea actually makes it past fantasy and into the realm of reality because Skywarp had latched onto it gleefully, determined to have his claws painted as Terrans did with nail polish.

Satisfied with the drying coat of vibrant purple, Skywarp’s loud intake had steered the conversation in the direction of Girls Night’s one missing member.

“I invited him,” Thundercracker said sadly. “But he’s always too busy. He never comes to movie night, either.”

“He does,” Skywarp sniffs, sprawled out in Thundercracker’s lap. “But he just stands at the back like some creature of the Pit to watch it.”

“Really?”

“Yup. I heard him quote ‘Mean Girls’.”

“Maybe he was just busy tonight, then,” You say absently. You could probably find out if you went back to your shared habsuite. Probably find him cursing over a stack of datapads at his desk. Had he refueled yet? Your optic ridges furrow.

Thundercracker clearly wants to say something, having noticed your displeased frown - but Skywarp decides that direct action is the more effective option. He grabs your arm, tugging you towards him before you can get up.

“Stop worrying about Screamer for two kliks and just relax. He’s a grown bot, he’ll live without a cube for a couple of cycles.”

You open your intake, ready to protest, but Skywarp promptly shushes, you, fussily arranging you to sit in front of him with your wings spread.

“And when’s the last time you were preened? You’re gonna let Screamer see your wings when they’re looking like that?”

“My wings are fine, thank you -”

“You look like you flew through a tree,” Thundercracker says sympathetically.

You turn your wide, betrayed optics to him. “TC!”

“Oh, you totally did,” Skywarp cackles. He throws a handful of leaves over your shoulder, picked deftly from the seams in your wing plating. “What do you call this?”

“...I hate you guys.”

“No you don’t,” Skywarp says sweetly. “Now hold still.”

You sulk a bit, but relax slowly into the preening. Unexpectedly, Skywarp’s digits are extremely careful and meticulous as they work at the seams of your wings, ailerons, spoilers. Your EM fields lap lazily against each other like waves on a beach, dipping in and out of shallow merges, just enough to feel echoes of each other’s emotions.

“-Screamer was talking to that bot who used to serve under that Winglord from vorns ago? But I think it fell through.”

You’d been listening to Skywarp and TC talk idly for a while, but at this, you can’t help but voice your confusion. “Why would Starscream be talking to bots when he already has a trine?”

"He wants a flock," Skywarp says absently. "Has for some time now."

"What's a flock?"

They blink at you. Skywarp’s digits still on your back.

"How do you not know what a flock is?"

"In case you missed it,” you say irritably, “There is a war happening."

Behind you, they exchange a glance.

There you go again, being oddly irritable. You grimace.

"Like joining trines," Thundercracker explains carefully. "To form a larger group."

"Oh?"

“You missed out on a lot of stuff, huh?” Skywarp remarks. Blunt as always, but not cruel.

“Yeah… It’s fine. I’m just… a bit late, that’s all.”

You reset your vocaliser with a loud click.

At the very least, you tell yourself, you’re alive. That means you can catch up on what you’ve missed. No big deal.

Thundercracker and Skywarp watch you take a shuddering in-vent, but thankfully don’t comment on it. Probably because your EM field is spiking something awful, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

“So,” you ask, in an effort to move on, “how do trines join up?”

"Trine leaders do their own kind of bonding," Thundercracker says patiently. "I don't know what it entails, though."

"I know," Skywarp pipes up. "Copious amounts of fra-"

"'Warp, shut up!"

You swivel back around and TC's optics dart to you, half mortified, half apologetic. "Not all leadership bonds are like that."

“Uh-huh,” You mumble, only half listening. Your processor had fired on as soon as you heard about trine leaders bonding. That was possible? That was a thing? You thought it ended at trines, and everyone else was just… oh. That explained why the other seekers were so… open. Huh.

“It’s true,” Skywarp grumbles sulkily. “But there’s also the thrill of the chase and all that.”

“The what?”

“You gotta show off, duh. Like fly fast, do some real fancy stuff in the air that gets another leader’s attention. And if they’re interested, it’s their turn to show off. By catching you.”

Thundercracker has a soft, dreamy smile on his faceplate. “I remember when we caught you.”

Skywarp bristles. “Wipe that look off your faceplate! It wasn’t romantic at all! You practically shot me out of the sky!”

He seethes for another klik, but abruptly cycles his optics and shoots Thundercracker a look. A very flirtatious look. “…It was kinda hot, though.”

And that’s your sign to leave.

---

You can’t remember when touch was something that came with ease around Starscream. Early vorns were marked by firm adjustments to your posture during training, which evolved to hesitant but gentle strokes across your faceplate to wipe coolant away. You’d touched his wings not long after - under regrettable circumstances, which were to weld his injuries with trembling servos. He’d never spoken of it again until few nights later when you bolted awake, still shaking with the residual fears of a particularly vivid nightmare that involved torn wings. He’d wordlessly gathered you close, glowing red optics the only light in the darkness that ensconced you - sheltered you with a wing, and murmured to you that he was in safe and in one piece and it was because of you.

When had those embraces left the cover of darkness? To touch in the daylight was to admit you cared. You remember now, the incident that had unlocked the floodgates - to your own surprise, in hindsight, it hadn't been particularly poignant. You’d stomped back to your shared quarters after a particularly shitty day, found Starscream lounged lazily on the berth, reading reports - and you didn’t even think. You stomped over and faceplanted directly on top of him like a ragdoll, faceplate smooshed against his chassis. You were too angry at your stupid, shitty day to notice the way he froze up at first, but he didn’t say anything, nor did he make any attempt to move. You really only came back to yourself when you felt his servo pat your back, EM field spreading indulgently outward to temper your prickling rage.

“Who was it this time?”

If Starscream wasn’t going to think too hard about touch as a way to comfort, then neither were you.

So, you’d never really thought about it. But ever since Girls Night, you wonder if your and Starscream’s ease around touch speaks to something in your coding. Still, without knowledge of trining instincts, that’s about as far as you get for another period of time.

You’re sprawled on Starscream’s chassis one muggy afternoon, too hot to do anything but doze as he reads reports - one servo holding a datapad and the other at the base of your spinal strut. You’re halfway towards recharge, relaxed enough for random thoughts to float lazily to the forefront of your processor.

The smell of gunpowder and polished metal, smoky notes of that fancy wax he insists on using. You inhale deeply, indulging your olfactory sensors, and rub your faceplate against his chassis. Smooth, warm. The ticklish, staticky buzz of his EM field. He mutters something about energon mines, servo rubbing absently at the base of your wings, tracing the seams of your back plates. Mm. Nice. Instinctively, you open your intake. You just want to…

Above you, Starscream grunts in surprise.

“Did you just… bite me?”

You open your intake, an automatic apology on your glossa - but as you glance up guiltily, there’s something in his optics that makes you hesitant to apologise.

Apologising would be to move on, and something in your coding screams at you to bite it back.

Eventually, Starscream sighs.

“You’re not sorry, are you?”

“…No.”

He grunts and turns back to his datapad. Only pretending to read the mistake-riddled report, as he’s only too aware of the way your denta nip the edges of his plating, grazing soft mesh - only to soothe with small licks of your glossa. Your faceplate remains buried in his shoulder, as if guilty about what you’re doing but unable to stop all the same.

Unable to focus on the glyphs in front of him, his optics slide to the top of your helm. Considering.

After years of facing unruly cadets at the Academy, Starscream knows what’s happening - surprise washes over him before it’s replaced by a touch of guilt for... forgetting. It’s starting to make sense. Centuries late, your trining instincts are rearing their heads - and you’re showing signs of being naturally suited to the role of trine leader. You don’t see the way Starscream’s expression turns thoughtful.

Should he tell you what this is, or let you organically discover your instincts to trine?

Instincts as trine leader, no less?

Starscream’s servo tightens on your hip.

“…You don’t have to be so surreptitious about it, you know.”

You freeze mid-lick, tip of your glossa out.

“Just don’t leave marks,” Starscream says gruffly. “I’m not a chew toy, and I just got my paint touched up yesterday.”

You continue to look guilty for a second before what he says actually sinks in.

“You don’t mind?”

“Are your audials in need of repair?”

You bite him in response, and take satisfaction in the sharp hiss that escapes his vocaliser.

---

The other bot’s wings are big, and you see Starscream’s optics flick appraisingly to them before he cocks a hip to continue the conversation, posture lazy and inviting. Your optics narrow suspiciously before you realize with horror that he likes what he sees. Behind him, you watch the other bot take notice of Starscream’s approval. All at once, you remember Skywarp’s remarks about Starscream wanting a flock, and the scowl on your faceplate deepens as the other bot flares his wings, proudly showing off his wingspan. You’d punch that smirk off his face if this didn’t sound like a relatively important conversation, but the swirling interest of Starscream’s EM field only adds to your dismay.

You glare at the fluttering motions of the other bot’s wings - subconsciously flaring your own out.

…Your wings are also big.

Well, they’d belonged to someone much bigger than you, so of course they are.

But no matter. They’re yours now, and for once, a surge of something much, much stronger overpowers the vague sense of disconnect you feel from the weight on your back. These wings are yours, and by Primus, you’re going to show them off.

Glancing at Starscream, your engines rumble with displeasure when you realize he’s leaning against the wall, by all appearances not just fully absorbed in the conversation, but also enjoying it.

You can go wider.

Nearly matching the other bot wingtip to wingtip.

Wider.

A heady thrum of energon races through your fuel lines, fogging rational thought in your processor. All you care about is winning. Beating the other bot, because he’s not going to care about Starscream as much as you do, and -

“-Cadet! What in Primus’ name has gotten into you?”

You blink. And realize that your EM field is spiking erratically, hostile - you’d been glowering at the bot, wings spread intimidatingly to their full breadth.

“Uh,” You say intelligently.

“Nevermind,” The other bot says abruptly.

You and Starscream watch him leave in silence.

“Sorry,” You offer.

Starscream scrutinizes you for a long moment. “You’re not, are you?”

“...I’m not.”

You check your internal chronometer, ignoring the way Starscream stares at you. He usually takes a cube around this time.

“The usual flavourings?”

He studies you for another moment, contemplative. Eventually, he just sighs.

“Yes. Make it snappy. I’ve got a lot of work to do tonight.”

You smile smugly. Cadet, one. Other bot, zero.

Previous / Next (Part 18.5, an incredible piece by @quasarwake fleshing out the tumultuous history of Cadet’s wings in beautiful and emotional detail. Huge fan of the way he details the intricacies of Seeker bonds, and much love for letting me go wild with his Seeker headcanons!! Please give his writing some love :)))

Part 19

#transformers #maccadam #transformers x reader #starscream x reader #starscream #cadet au

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burningembers91 · 5 months ago

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Body Talk - Seong Gi-Hun x Fem!Reader (NSFW)

Follow up Piece to:

Back Alley Bar Help Wanted

Synopsis: A night celebrating turns to something more when your hidden feelings finally bubble to the surface.

It was quiet in the bar tonight, Mondays usually were. You were grateful for the respite; glad you could use the time to cram some more for your exam. You weren’t sure how you’d made it to the end of your first year of university, but somehow you were on track to come top of your class. You’d managed to juggle studies while working two jobs and had stayed semi-sane in the process. You knew Seong Gi-Hun was to thank for that, always there to help if you were struggling, always making sure you had a smile on your face. He was next to you now, quizzing you using the flash cards you’d spent hours making the night before. He’d become a different person in the last few months, had transformed before your eyes. Gone was the man who drank himself to death each night, who barely remembered to shower and eat. Gi-Hun now made sure his hair was always styled, made sure he was always wearing a nice shirt when he saw you. He’d been sober for nearly nine months, and had started going to the gym. A steady job at a warehouse meant he had money to pay rent, and he was saving up for a plane ticket to visit his daughter in America.

You’d been good for each other, pushing the other to be the best versions of themselves, always support one another when times got tough. You were looking forward to a break from university, looking forward to a summer free of deadlines and exams. Sure, you still had to work two jobs to afford your rent and schooling expenses, but you were looking forward to a little more free time. Gi-Hun had promised you a day trip to Busan, a chance for the two of you to get away, even for a short time. Your friendship had blossomed since that evening in your apartment, and you found that you spent most days with him. You felt his absence when he wasn’t around, feeling like something was missing. Gi-Hun had begun to feel the same. You’d saved him from himself, had thrown him a lifeline when he felt like giving up. you’d been good for him, and his feelings for you had grown over the last few months. Both of you were tiptoeing around the chemistry between you, too afraid to spoil the friendship in case the other didn’t feel the same.

“I think I need to stop,” you sighed, rubbing your tired eyes. “My brain is mush and if I study anymore my head might actually explode.” “Just remember to relax tomorrow,” he smiled, “you know all the answers.” He’d learned that you had a habit of getting in your own head, of doubting yourself when things got tough. You were the smartest person he knew, and he wished you’d give yourself more credit.

He helped you close up the bar, driving you home before saying goodnight. Every evening, he found it harder to leave you, harder to watch you climb the steps to your apartment. He wanted to pull you back into his arms; to kiss you and tell you how much you meant to him. he wanted to make love to you on the sofa you’d spent so many nights studying on, wanted to hear you moan his name. he hated leaving you, hated returning to his empty apartment. He still struggled to sleep most nights, and his thoughts were filled with you on the nights he lay awake.

Gi-Hun couldn’t stop checking his phone the next day, constantly stopping to see if you’d had your results back. You were sitting your exam at 9am and had been up texting him since 5am. He wanted to take you out tonight, wanted to buy you dinner and have a proper celebration. He had no doubt you’d pass, but he still couldn’t help but feel nervous for you. you’d worked so hard to get where you were, and the desperation in your face was evident. He was on break when you called him, your voice shrill. “I passed!” You squealed breathlessly. “I actually passed!” “Amazing!” Gi-Hun couldn’t hide the joy he felt, his smile spreading wide. “Let me take you out tonight. We’ll celebrate properly.” He wanted tonight to be special for you, he wanted you to let your hair down and celebrate the fact you were one year closer to your dream.

That night, Gi-Hun arrived to collect you from your apartment. He’d gone and bought a shirt especially, the crisp white material paired with his favourite jeans. He was speechless when you stepped outside, clad in a burgundy off the shoulder dress. He always thought you looked beautiful, but tonight you’d left him speechless. “What do you think?” you asked, giving him a twirl on the sidewalk as he stood open mouthed. “Very nice,” he finally managed to breath. “Just… wow.” You bit back a smile, enjoying the effect you were having on him. You’d picked this dress especially, knowing it showed off your figure.

You spent the evening in a cozy restaurant, feeling lighter than you had done in months. Gi-Hun couldn’t take his eyes off you, every moment he spent with you only affirming how much he cared for you. You were breathtaking in that dress, and his found his mind wandering, imagining how it would feel to kiss you, how it would feel to peel the dress from your body. You noticed him staring, noticed the way his eyes wondered your frame; the dress was having the desired effect.

You walked home slowly, neither of you wanting to part. Your hands brushed against each other a few times, sparks igniting deep within the pit of your stomach at the slightest of touches. “Do you want to come up?” you asked him when you arrived back your apartment. The chemistry between you was electric, the air almost crackling. You wondered if he could feel it too, wondered if his heart was racing as much as yours was. “Yes,” he answered, swallowing hard as you led him up the stairs. He’d been to your apartment dozens of times but tonight felt different. The tension was palpable, his heart beating so hard in his chest he was scared you might hear it.

Unlocking your door, you headed inside, the two of you standing in your hallway, neither one of you sure what to do next. Gi-Hun could see the steady rise and fall of your chest, could see the hunger in your eyes as looked up at him. “Kiss me,” you whispered, unable to resist him anymore. You needed a release, needed to feel his lips on yours, his hands on your body.

Gi-Hun kissed you gently, his hands caressing the contours of your waist, snaking up your back to the nape of your neck. He heard you moan appreciatively against him, felt your hands trail up his arms and across his shoulders. He allowed himself to be led to your bedroom, your fingers deftly unbuttoning his shirt as you went. He could feel his aching cock pressing against the tight fabric of his jeans, could feel the deep ache in the pit of his stomach as you guided his hands towards the zip of your dress. He was shaking as he helped you remove your clothes, the sight of your body setting his senses on fire. He pulled you into him, his hands exploring the delicate curve of your breasts, his fingers gently pinching your nipples as you moaned softly against his touch.

“I need to taste you,” he growled, pushing you down into your mattress as he slid your underwear down over your thighs. You were already soaking wet for him as his fingers explored you, his thumb tracing light circles over your clit. you bucked your hips, your eyes rolling back as his tongue replaced his fingers, tracing slow, delicious patterns against you. you had so much pent-up stress, and Gi-Hun was dying to release it. His tongue and fingers worked together, bringing you to the brink of ecstasy. You tasted like heaven, your tight wet walls gripping his digits as you came for him with a shuddering sob.

You were so desperate for him, so needy as you pulled his lips down to meet yours. You could taste yourself on his tongue, could feel his urgency for you in his kisses. You helped him remove his jeans, pushing him down against the mattress. You’d spent so many sleepless nights wondering what he would feel like to be with Gi-Hun, but nothing could match up to reality.

You cried out in unison as you lowered yourself onto him, his hands tightly gripping your hips as you moved against him. you were so wet for him, so tight and Gi-Hun found himself dangerously close to losing control already. You were so beautiful as you fucked him, your moans so loud and unabashed as your bodies moved in perfect sync. He directed your hand down to your clit, watching you pleasure yourself as you rode him. you were so confident, so sure of yourself and Gi-Hun was desperate to see more of this side of you. You could feel him getting close, could feel his thighs shaking as he neared the edge. His eyes were glued to you, to the way your index finger circled your clit, the way your head lolled back as you took every inch of him inside your tight core. He couldn’t hold anymore, a shuddering groan reverberating off the walls as he came, spilling every last drop of himself inside of you.

He stayed with you that night, tangled up in your sheets as you explored each other. There would be time to talk tomorrow, time to figure out what this was between you. In the morning, Gi-Hun would use words to tell you how you made him feel, but tonight, tonight he would let his body do all the talking.

#squid game #squid game 2 #squid game x reader #squid game fanfic #squid game x you #squid game season 2 #squid game smut #seong gi hun x reader #seong gi hun #seong gi hun smut #lee jung jae

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natalievoncatte · 6 months ago

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“What’s wrong with me, Alex?” Kara asked, swinging her feet in a childlike, nervous way as she sat on the exam table.

Kara watched her sister putter around the room. She’d activated the red lamps and taken blood samples, and the tubes were currently spinning away in centrifuges awaiting the various tests she would run. She’s listened to Kara’s lungs and checked her pulse and waved instruments about and taken her blood pressure.

Everything about her was well within Kryptonian norms. Her pulse was running around a hundred and ten at rest, which would be alarming for a human but was a tad slow for her, and her body temperature was at a perfect one-oh-one, again just right for the last daughter of Krypton. There was no issue with her processing of sunlight and no signs of radiation exposure, which had been her fear.

Specifically Kryptonite of the red variety.

Kara had been having intrusive thoughts. They’d started here and there months ago but she’d ignored them, writing them off as some odd byproduct of fatigue or stress.

“You can go for now, kiddo,” said Alex. “I’ll let you know when the results come in.”

Alex looked more bemused than anything- probably because Kara showed no signs of actual sickness and had been cagey and indirect about her symptoms. There was a reason for that.

It became unbearable for her yesterday when Lena dropped by her office. Lena had been dressed in Kara’s favorite work ensemble, a green sweater that bared deep cleavage, a pencil skirt, and sheer silk stockings. She’d had her hair up in a meticulous bun and wore a rich plum red lipstick and smoky eyes, looking more sexpot than CEO.

Kara had barely been able to keep a straight face and make conversation. The mere presence of the other woman in the room made her heart pound and created an unbearable tension in her belly and between her thighs. Her eyes kept falling back to the pale inviting column of her throat or the lush inner curves of her breasts. Kara couldn’t stop imagining a bead of sweat rolling down between them. She couldn’t stop thinking about pressing her tongue to the flesh there and catching it, tasting the pearly bead and following its slick trail up to Lena’s throat while her chest heaved against her.

That was a problem, because those were not normal Kara thoughts. Those were not normal Kryptonian thoughts. Kryptonians did not think about those things, especially with members of the same gender. It had come with that same aching feeling between her legs that Kara had been fighting since she arrived on Earth and was dealing with now, just thinking about thinking about Lena.

Worse, Lena would be there tonight at movie night. It was an all girl’s night so it would just be Alex and Nia watching movies with them; Brainy was busy and Kelly was out of town for an academic conference and they were really just keeping Alex company.

Kara’s mind was a train wreck. She couldn’t stop thinking about Casual Lena. When she dressed down in her big sweaters and leggings and let down her hair in soft waves, she was so tiny and cute and small and Kara just wanted to eat her all up and… feel her from the inside, listen to her cries of ecstasy as Kara got creative and *relieved that fucking pressure between her legs*.

Ack! Stop it!

She had to be sick, or infected with a transdimensional parasite, or under a magic spell, or microdosed with red Kryptonite because KRYPTONIANS DID NOT HAVE THESE THOUGHTS.

So, she went for a fly to clear her head.

She ended up going hypersonic and landing at the Fortress, where she picked up the fifty thousand ton key and let herself in. Thankfully, Clark wasn’t there, so she had the vast place to herself.

The Archive here had a simpler interface, she wouldn’t have to ask a holographic version of her mother why she wanted to know what Lena’s sweat tasted like and pin her down on the sofa in her office and do things to her.

“Greetings, Kara Zor-El. How may I assist you?”

Kara looked at the hovering holographic sphere and described her symptoms, holding nothing back. It hovered there all hovery for a moment.

“What you describe sounds similar in principle to afflictions that affected ancient Kryptonians, especially under a yellow sun. Our ancestors often embraced perverse and hedonistic lusts before embracing the perfection of logic and self-discipline. However, you cannot be experiencing these unnatural and incorrect attractions, as they had been bred out of our people by the breeding program. Attraction to members of the same sex and metamorphic reproductive capability have been deemed eradicated by the Science Guild.”

“Metamorphic capabilities?!”

“Some of the ancestors possessed the ability to adapt physically to their preferred partner with the aid of yellow solar wavelengths. This is no longer possible.”

Kara chewed her lip.

The words rang in her skull. Unnatural. Illogical. It made her sound like some… like some abomination, a monster from ancient times. A tightness formed in her chest tears welled in her eyes. Was she like this? Was she broken? An aberration? Some crude vile thing with the instincts and lusts of a Daxamite? Was she broken?

She left the Fortress in a tearful rush and again she flew, too fast. Her phone started going off in the hidden pocket on the flank of her suit and she lighted on a building in Seattle to answer.

“Kara, where the hell are you?” said Alex. “Lena showed up at your place and you weren’t there and we’ve both been panic calling you.”

“I’m sorry, I was at the Fortress, trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.”

Her voice was high and pained.

Alex’s reply was soft. “Come home, Kara. We need to talk.”

Kara nodded to no one. “I’m on my way.”

She made the trip back a bit slower, honing in on Alex’s heartbeat to find her at the DEO, still in the lab. When she walked in, Alex gestured to the exam table and Kara sat down.

“What is it?” Kara almost pleaded. “Alex, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Kara, listen to me,” said Alex, taking both of Kara’s hands. “Look at me, okay.”

Kara looked at her.

“There is nothing wrong with you. I shared the results of the test with Eliza and we went over it in detail. You’re completely fine.”

“I can’t be,” Kara protested. “There has to be a reason why I’m having these thoughts, Alex!”

Pulling her hands free, she jolted to her feet and began to pace.

“There has to be. I have to be sick or messed up somehow. Kryptonians don’t have feelings like this!”

Alex closed her eyes and sighed.

“Kara, listen to me, okay? You’re not sick. You’re not broken. Your best friend is a stunningly beautiful woman and adore each other. There’s nothing wrong with having a crush on her.”

“It’s not a crush!” Kara almost shouted. “It’s more than that and it’s scaring me. What if I can’t control myself? What if I hurt her? What if she sees me looking and she thinks I’m a monster that wants to prey on her?”

Alex’s expression softened. She took a few steps, arrested Kara’s pacing, and pulled her into a bear hug.

“I know how it feels, Kara. I promise you you’re not a predator and there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Kryptonians can’t be gay.”

“Says who?”

“Everybody! The computer! The rules! I don’t know,” The last words came as a broken whimper, and Kara sagged against her sister.

“What about this, Kara. You’re Supergirl. You can do anything.”

Kara pulled back in a daze, staring at nothing. Since she came to Earth, she’d embraced it with her whole self. As loath as she was to admit it, she loved it here. This world was so free, full of wonders and majesty for all its problems. Kara had never once questioned her love for her sister. If Alex could be gay, why not Kara? There was no science council here, no one to ordain who she must marry and breed with.

Why not?

She felt dizzy, and strangely relaxed, as if she’d just heaved a massive weight off her shoulders.

Alex offered her a tissue and she dried her tears.

“Go get the girl,” said Alex. “I’ll call Nia and tell her you need some alone time.”

Kara nodded, and felt half in a daze as she left the infirmary. She stepped out onto the balcony and texted Lena, can I come over?

Lena replied immediately, Yes.

Kara’s heart hammered her ribs as she landed on the balcony. Lena rushed to the door and threw it open, ushering her inside. Kara stepped into the living room of the penthouse and stumbled to a stop.

Lena was dressed down and so soft, from the mop of her wavy hair pulled into a low ponytail to her cashmere sweater down the length of her toned legs to her bare feet.

“What’s wrong?”

As Lena asked, she darted forward, offering a hug. Kara gingerly let herself be pulled into the embrace, hesitant at first. Lena dove into her, throwing herself into the hug as if she wanted to climb inside Kara. Kara wrapped her in her arms and drew her cape around them both. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lena’s feet being cold, about wanting to make her warm.

Before she answered, Kara buried her face in Lena’s hair and breathed deep. Lena’s scent hit her like a train. It was like swallowing a mouthful of alien rum, filling her chest with a spreading warmth and making her head swim.

“I’ve been trying to work some things out, and I was scared, so I ran off to the Fortress. I’m sorry.”

Lena pulled back gently and looked up at her. They were so close. Lena’s big, pretty blue-green eyes were full of worry but dark, her pupils blown.

“What’s bothering you? I’ll throw money at it until it goes away.”

Kara swallowed, hard. “I don’t want it to go away.”

Lena arched a brow. “Oh?”

Kara licked her lips and as she did, Lena’s eyes darted and followed the motion of her tongue. Kara was suddenly away of Lena’s hands resting just above her hips now, the way that her hugs and touches always seemed to trend lower, the casual way that Lena leaned into her as she looked up.

She bit her lip and Kara almost died.

“I think I like girls,” Kara blurted out.

“You certainly like my girls, Kara Danvers. You can’t stop looking.”

“You noticed?” Kara squeaked.

“Kara, darling, you’ve been staring at them for thirty seconds just now.”

Kara’s gaze snapped up.

“I’m sorry, I, oh Rao oh God, Lena.”

Lena curled her fingers around Kara’s chin and tilted her head back down.

“Did you really think I didn’t notice? The day we met you paid more attention to my boobs than my business card.”

“You gave me a business card?”

“See what I mean?”

Kara swallowed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Lena’s thumb grazed her jaw and Kara thought her heart might go off like a bomb in her chest. She shuddered and her toes curled in her boots.

“I’ve been teasing you for years,” she said, “I’d almost given up hope. I wouldn’t be the first disaster bisexual to nurse a futile crush on her best friend.”

Kara swallowed hard. “So should we like go on a date?”

Lena’s fingers traced down her neck, then along the ridge of her collarbone.

“I was thinking more Netflix and chill. I know and trust you, Kara. You’ve saved my life more times than I can count, I’m ready now if you are.”

“Ready?” Kara squeaked.

“So are you, I think,” said Lena.

She rolled her hips and Kara immediately realized what she meant and what the Archive meant by her body adapting.

“Ohshit,” Kara chirped. “Oh God Lena I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing, I didn’t mean to-“

Lena lunged and suddenly they were kissing. Lena’s lips were so soft and she was intoxicating. Kara pulled her into an embrace, almost lifted her off the floor as she kissed her back. Lena threw one leg up and hooked it wound her hip, and Kara instinctively scooped her up and felt a jolt through her body as Lena then wrapped both legs around her waist.

“Fuck, you’re strong,” Lena panted. “Oh God, Kara. Bedroom. Now. Please.”

“You want…”

“Yes! What are you fucking waiting for?”

Later, hours later, Kara lay in Lena’s bed, while Lena slept blissfully next to her, head resting on Kara’s shoulder, smiling contentedly. She looked over at her and tucked the sheets and blankets up close around her chin and smoothed stray strands of hair back from her eyes. Lena made a small sound, and curled around Kara’s side.

Kryptonians, it turned out, could be very good at being gay.

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banamine-bananime · 1 year ago

Note

Growing up I lived in an area with a lot of cattle farming and I was very scared of the cows. Do you have any cool facts that will make me either more or less afraid of cows?

oh hmm let me think on that!

facts related to how to interact with cows so all parties feel and stay safe:

they have a very prey herd animal mentality. they want to move with their herdmates. they want to watch any potential threats like people and move away from them. they don't like loud or unfamiliar noises (they're sensitive souls. sometimes if i visit a dairy wearing waterproof coveralls where the cows are only used to people wearing cotton coveralls, just the whisper of waterproof pants rubbing against each other can spook them) or abrupt movements or going into areas they can't see well (and they have difficulty with depth perception due to their wide-set eyes for 300 degree vision, and with high-contrast, so going from sun into shade or vice versa can look like stepping into a white or black void for them and they don't like it)

based on this, we know the keys to low-stress cattle handling are consistency in how you interact with them, calmness (small movements, quiet words to let them know you're there), moving cows in groups big enough to have friends but small enough you can control the whole group without them milling around or the ones in front stopping and causing a traffic jam, and slowly moving them by just barely getting in their "bubble" of "whoa, you're a little too close for comfort, i'm going to move in the other direction" without ever getting into their "YIKES RUN AWAY FROM THIS THING" bubble

the last point involves understanding pressure and flight zones and point of balance:

from Mississippi State University Extension:

from grandin.com (highly recommend as a source of information about animal behaviour and welfare!!! temple grandin my idol since i was like nine i love her so. and i tear up when i think about how much she's done for millions of animals ;_; she's a genius and no lie revolutionized low-stress handling):

pet cows that get doted on enough to bond with people may not see people as a threat so the normal ways we use pressure zones to iinteract with cows don't necessarily do anything for them. you would lead them more like a horse, using a halter. or lure them with treats.

beef cows typically have little contact with people, often just processing (vaccines, preg checks, quick exam for any health problems) a couple times a year, so they can be very wild. doesn't mean they're aggressive, the overwhelming majority are non-aggressive but they have very large flight zones, so if you don't recognize that and approach too quickly, getting deep in their flight zone, that can get you into a dangerous situation where they get aggressive as a last resort. that said, they do usually still choose flight unless their calf is with them. "never get between mom and baby" applies as it does with any species

dairy cows are in between beef cows and pet cows. they interact with people regularly, several times per day, and it's respectful but not doting. kind of a business relationship with their handlers. they're not terrified of people by any means, but they haven't been, like, hand-fed treats to get over their instinctive wariness of potential-predator-like animals, and they know sometimes handling results in unpleasant experiences like medical treatment or pregnancy checks, so they avoid touch and have a flight zone, though it's small (and sometimes they'll calmly let you walk right up to them unrestrained, or approach you and lick you out of curiosity). very very rare to have an aggressive dairy cow (as in, one that attacks you instead of moving away when you're bothering them a little. really bothering them and ignoring body language when they can't move away is much more likely to get you kicked)

bulls are not docile. not every bull will be aggressive, but you should assume that every bull has the capacity to become aggressive with little provocation, and always keep a respectful distance and know your escape route if you have to be in a pen or field with them

cows love exploring with their tongues. any time you're in a dairy barn there's gonna be at least one friendly girl mlem mlem mlemming who won't leave you alone

adding on to the above, there is a slight caveat that you still have to be a LITTLE wary of friendly cows. 99% of the time they're just friendly but sometimes cows in heat will try to mount people. you don't have to be scared of friendly cows but if they're right next to you just keep them in your line of sight so you can move away if they make like they're going to mount. again, not common, never happened to me, but something to be aware of

signs of a happy, relaxed cow: lying down, chewing cud or eating, tail hanging down relaxed, moving slowly with her herd

signs of a slightly wary cow (you have entered the "pressure zone"): standing still/stopping what she's doing, turning towards you, ears turning towards you (watching the ears is a very good way of knowing what she's paying attention to), tail swishing or raised a bit away from body

signs of a distressed cow: vocalizing (they also moo for other reasons though), tail swishing, fidgeting/pawing/looking like she wants to move but doesn't know where to, freezing up and intermittently making erratic movements (back away a little)

signs of an aggressive cow: head down with attention on you, pawing ground, turning to show you their broad side. (turn sideways and calmly but swiftly walk away diagonally)

#cattle #veterinary

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linkemon · 4 months ago

Text

Loathing (Riddle Rosehearts x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ, ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇ ᴅɪꜱᴄᴏᴠᴇʀꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ-ʏᴇᴀʀ ꜱᴛᴜᴅᴇɴᴛ ᴀᴛ ɴʀᴄ ɪɴ ᴛᴇʀᴍꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴀᴄᴀᴅᴇᴍɪᴄ ʀᴇꜱᴜʟᴛꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴘᴀʀᴋꜱ ᴀ ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀᴄᴀᴅᴇᴍɪᴄ ʀɪᴠᴀʟʀʏ, ᴅʀᴀɢɢɪɴɢ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛꜱʟᴀʙʏᴜʟ ɪɴᴛᴏ ɪᴛ, ᴡɪᴛʜ [ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ] — ʜɪꜱ ɴᴇᴡ ᴇɴ��ᴍʏ — ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴏʀᴇꜰʀᴏɴᴛ. ᴜɴᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅʟʏ ꜰᴏʀᴄᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴏɴ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏᴊᴇᴄᴛ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ ᴏꜰ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛꜱ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢʀɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇɴᴅᴜʀᴇ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ’ꜱ ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴄᴇ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ɪᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴄʟᴇᴀʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɴᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ʜᴀᴛʀᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɪꜱ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴛʜɪɴ…

— Don’t stare so high, you fool! You’ll end up at the bottom with me...— Deuce glanced at his friend and sighed. Reluctantly, he shifted his gaze to the lower parts of the test results board.

He had truly tried to be an exemplary student, especially after solemnly vowing to make up for his delinquent past. The promise he’d made to his mother was sacred. He had hoped to at least land in the middle of the list. After all, he’d worked hard and studied diligently for these exams. The silver lining was that he passed — and he wasn’t at the very bottom. Next time, he’d put in even more effort and study consistently — or so he hoped.

— Maybe you should study a bit yourself — he shot back, eyeing Ace, who seemed utterly indifferent to his own score.

— Oh, Deucy, Deucy. I passed, didn’t I? — Ace clasped his hands behind his head. — I think I’ll treat myself to some food. Are you coming with me?

— Wait a moment. — Deuce squeezed through the crowd of students pressing against the board.

— Staring at it won’t change your score. The sooner we leave, the better our chances of grabbing those double ham sandwiches...

— Look at this. — His friend pointed toward the very top of the giant sheet. But it wasn’t the first-year results.

— Wait, what... — Ace trailed off, his brain taking a moment to process the facts.

At the top was a name they didn't recognize. Their Prefect stood nearby, staring at the black letters on the white sheet as if it were some incomprehensible chess move. His face grew redder with each passing second, redder than the deepest roses of Heartslabyul.

Riddle Rosehearts had not taken first place among the second-years. Since they’d started attending Night Raven College, this had never happened. Considering his temperament — sharp as the beaks of flamingos — it could only mean one thing: someone was about to lose their head. Ace and Deuce had no intention of becoming the next victims of their Prefect’s infamous unique magic. So, they did exactly what the legendary soldiers of the Queen of Hearts would do — they bolted.

Riddle spent the entire class staring in disbelief as [Reader] assisted Professor Crewel in demonstrating how to properly weigh a new potion. His hand mechanically scribbled ornate cursive notes listing the ingredients but his thoughts were elsewhere. His mind kept circling back to that cursed list of exam results. He couldn’t believe it. Maybe she’d cheated? Or stolen the test questions? He wouldn’t be surprised. After all, she had transferred to NRC from Royal Sword Academy.

With that thought, he stirred the cauldron full of bubbling, shimmering liquid. He scooped a bit with the ladle — it was almost perfect. Almost. He’d have to try again in his free time. He sighed quietly as the teacher announced the end of the class. He was annoyed at himself — he’d wasted a valuable lesson on pointless musings.

At the door, Trey appeared. Apparently, the third-years had just finished their class as well. They sat together on a bench. Riddle pulled out his notebook; they had a few things to plan for the next unbirthday party.

The Prefect occasionally glanced toward the hallway. Trey, ever perceptive, didn’t miss it. Sometimes he regretted how sharp his friend was.

— So, [Reader], huh? — Trey interrupted their planning session about tart flavours.

Riddle’s pen paused for a fraction of a second before resuming at double speed.

— What about [Reader]? — he asked, panicked.

— You’ve been glancing at her since I got here. And certain little birds told me it’s the same during all your lessons. — Trey adjusted his glasses nonchalantly.

Riddle cursed all the second-years in Heartslabyul in his mind. Of course, he wouldn’t strip them of their magic. He was working on not doing that without a valid reason. Still, moments like this tested his patience.

— Those little birds should focus on studying and adhering to the Queen of Hearts’ rules instead of gossiping. They’re doing a terrible job at both so far — he finally said.

The sound of Trey’s fountain pen scratching against paper was the only thing breaking the silence. But not for long.

Riddle later regretted reaching for his water bottle. Maybe if he hadn’t, his uniform wouldn’t have ended up soaked.

— If you like her, you could just tell her. I say this as a friend — Trey blurted out.

To say the Prefect choked would be an understatement. Water splattered everywhere, soaking his crimson vest. The coughing fit caused by that one idiotic sentence lasted several minutes. Trey’s hand patting his back did little to help. Riddle could feel the stares of students loitering in the hallway and courtyard. He wasn’t sure if it was due to his sudden choking or if they’d overheard what Trey said. He deeply hoped it was the former.

His cheeks burned bright scarlet. He hated how easily his face betrayed him, especially when he was angry — and that happened often.

Just as he was about to say something, he noticed unexpected movement. The very person who was the topic of their conversation was heading straight toward him.

— Riddle Rosehearts, right? I’m [Reader]. The ‘new girl’ — she gestured air quotes — from RSA. You were staring at me all class. Got a problem? — she asked bluntly.

Riddle noted the strangely intimidating stance she’d adopted, like she’d come straight out of Savanaclaw’s rowdiest gang.

— You must've imagined it — he stated, clearing his throat.

Trey observed the exchange from the sidelines, clearly amused, his subtle smirk being the indication.

— Hmm, if you say so, then I must’ve imagined it. We should stick together, though, since we both love studying and all... Good luck on the next exam. — She flashed him a dazzling smile.

Or at least, it seemed dazzling until Trey looked away and she stuck her tongue out at Riddle as she left.

— I’ll win — she mouthed silently.

Before he could respond, she disappeared. He felt a growing fury. Was she challenging him? Fine. She had no idea what she’d signed up for. He wasn’t considered one of the best mages of his generation for nothing. He’d show her.

— Something tells me I was right... — Trey began.

— You weren’t. Quite the opposite. I don’t like her. In fact, I hate her...

— What do you mean by a different partner? — Professor Trein's gaze pierced into [Reader].

If looks could kill, she'd probably be dead by now. She was certain of that.

— What I wanted to say was...

She didn't get a chance to finish.

— I don’t know what customs were followed at your previous educational institution, Miss. I don’t care what happens in other classes. In my lectures, I expect absolute obedience, not questioning my choices. As far as I know, you and Mr. Rosehearts scored the highest marks on the previous test. I selected you based on that. The conversation is over. — The teacher returned to studying the musty tome on his mahogany desk.

She cursed the graying man in her mind. His fat cat stared at her with the same severity as its owner. A shiver ran down her spine. Was he reading her mind?

[Reader] turned on her heel. Riddle was heading toward the professor, probably with the same goal as hers.

— I wouldn't advise that. We have to do this together — she hissed warningly, grabbing his arm.

He didn’t listen to her. It was his own fault. With a slight sense of satisfaction, she watched him, moving away, receiving a scolding even worse than hers. She waited for him by the door. From what she had gathered, he wasn’t the type to easily accept criticism. Quite the opposite. That would explain his very red face.

— Ahem! — he cleared his throat loudly, making his presence known.

— Oh, I didn’t notice you. Have you finished questioning my good advice? — [Reader] asked, biting sarcastically.

— I admit, I could have... acted differently — Riddle mumbled. — But the fact remains, we need to take care of the project.

Ah yes. The source of the latest problem — history. Another thing on the long academic to-do list. The girl kept crossing out items but paradoxically, it felt like they were only multiplying.

— Got any ideas?

— If you think I'll do everything myself, you're sorely mistaken — Rosehearts declared, gripping the thick textbook tightly.

— Do you always have to assume the worst? — [Reader] headed toward the library.

— If I’m not mistaken, you challenged me not long ago. And in a very ungraceful way. — Riddle grimaced at the memory of her sticking out her tongue.

— I’m going to win against you. That hasn’t changed. But that doesn’t mean I’ll give that old man the satisfaction of failing me. — She could swear the Prefect inhaled sharply when he heard her call the professor that. — You’re stuck with me. — She grinned wickedly. — You've been in NRC longer than me, so I think it’s better if you choose which character we’ll write about.

The long essay, complete with footnotes and millions of dates, was supposed to be about a chosen figure from the Great Seven. Of course, it was hard not to hear about them. However, she knew they were especially important to this school. It was hard for her to know more than someone who had been here longer.

— The Queen of Hearts — Riddle replied without hesitation.

— I heard you two have a lot in common — the girl remarked.

— Oh... That’s... nice — Riddle said, giving her an uncertain look. He smelled an insult.

In her opinion, strictness and rigid rules didn’t equate to being “nice.” However, she decided not to correct him.

Riddle glanced around the garden one last time before gently spreading jam on the little dormouse’s nose. Everything seemed in order, so they could begin.

— Honestly? I didn’t expect non-birthday parties to be THIS big... — [Reader] watched everything she came across with interest.

She had helped repaint the roses because Rosehearts complained that she should contribute to the party. However, what she saw was very different from the state of the dormitory she had seen yesterday. Low tables were covered with snow-white tablecloths, on which colourful trays dominated, piled high with cakes, cookies, tarts, cupcakes, croissants, sandwiches... the list could go on. In the honoured place stood a huge tart with a shiny strawberry glaze. Crystalware glittered in the sunlight, brighter than the yellow-blue lanterns hanging above it. All of this was surrounded by an array of unrelated items, which looked as though someone had pulled them out of the bottom of a chest and placed them on the grass for fun. There were so many Heartslabyul students she didn’t even know, that just trying to remember their faces made her head spin.

— It has to be this size — Riddle said matter-of-factly, reaching for a teapot with a funny pattern and then elegantly poured the tea. — Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to feed everyone and we have a full dormitory. Heartslabyul prides itself on the fact that no one has left us or dropped out of class for a long time...

— It'd be off with their heads if they tried — [Reader] laughed.

— You’re not far from the truth — interjected Cater, who was sitting nearby. — Riddle doesn’t like to brag about it — he added in a conspiratorial whisper — but it’s because of him. He makes sure everyone passes their exams. Sometimes, he even helps others personally. — He winked.

— That’s nice of you. — The girl reached for her cup and drank the tea in one gulp.

— Is that all? — The prefect shifted uncomfortably in his red chair.

— What do you mean, “is that all”? — She raised an eyebrow.

— No wicked remark? — Riddle extended his pinky, delicately lifting his drink.

A few weeks had passed since they started working on their semester essay. They had a lot of rules and customs of the Queen of Hearts to go through. That didn’t mean, though, that he had completely gotten used to [Reader]. He felt that the longer he knew her, the less he understood her.

— Even I can appreciate helping others. I’m not that heartless. — The girl shoved an entire piece of tart into her mouth, scattering crumbs everywhere.

— We’ll need to dedicate a chapter to table manners — Riddle remarked, eyeing her pointedly.

They were in desperate need of some improvement — that much he was absolutely sure of.

— Who wants to play croquet? — someone from their table called out.

[Reader] couldn’t respond with her mouth full, so her hand shot up. Exactly at the same moment, Riddle elegantly gave a short and simple: “Me.”

Riddle patiently listened to the reminder of the rules, including the traditional check of the time. After five in the afternoon, this activity was strictly forbidden. Which most students, especially his new guest, probably didn’t know.

Soon, seven-coloured flamingos were handed out as mallets and a curled-up hedgehog was set up. Rosehearts took aim and hit his target. However, it quickly became clear that while [Reader] might not match him when it came to manners, it didn’t affect her croquet. She struck again and again with tremendous force. The hedgehogs didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, they made quite joyful sounds as they soared against the blue sky. The flamingos, however, were slow enough in their thinking that she struck them with their beaks before they had time to bend awkwardly on the bright green grass.

— Ha! Your turn! — she called out, leaning on her mallet.

Riddle wanted to add that croquet was also a team sport but when he looked around, he realized they were the only ones left on the field. The whole dormitory was watching as they had been exchanging blows for a long time. Someone even started chanting but was quickly silenced by older students.

The boy calculated the angles every time he hit the hedgehogs. He worked faster, his pace picking up. He felt like he had reached a higher level of focus. The adrenaline was pumping through his veins but his face didn’t flush. He didn’t remember the last time he got so immersed in something so seemingly simple. He wasn’t like those brutes from Savanaclaw. This game mainly served to fulfill a rule that had been set. Yet, he was having so much fun that when the referee blew the whistle to announce the end, he didn’t notice immediately.

— Watch out!

The voice came a bit too late. Unlike the straightened flamingo in [Reader]’s hand. It collided with the speeding hedgehog at the last moment. The momentum with which she swung it knocked Riddle to the ground. The world spun for a moment in a blur of white, blue and green, before finally settling to reveal [Reader]’s concerned face leaning over him.

— Are you okay? — The sun created a halo just behind her head and the boy blinked a few times.

— Yeah. — He accepted her outstretched hand.

In the distance, he heard a clicking sound. However, he decided it must have been the hungry flamingos.

— Aren’t you going to ask who won? — the girl asked, lifting the corner of her lips.

She was determinedly heading to the main table, ignoring the tense Heartslabyul students around them.

— Actually, I hadn’t thought about it — the prefect replied groggily.

— Who are you, and what have you done with my rival, Riddle? — she asked dramatically, placing a hand over her heart. — Have you finally had some fun?

— I guess so — he replied, contemplating his cooling tea cup and half-listening to the conversations swirling around them.

"My" — such a simple word, yet so shocking. Especially considering how many sentences had been said that day at the non-birthday party. Yet, for some reason, he found himself debating it in his head long after the teapot showed its snow-white bottom and the sugar cubes vanished into the hungry dormouse’s mouth.

[Reader] stared at the photo in disbelief. She had always considered social media to be a fun escape, especially when it came to mindlessly scrolling for random tidbits about her friends' lives. Now, however, she was the one becoming the subject of curiosity and the whole concept didn't sit so well with her anymore.

There, on the square, perfectly framed photo, was her and Riddle. In a rather ambiguous position. It didn’t matter that they weren’t the first in the set of ten photos Cater Diamond had taken. It was these pictures that were making the rounds. And from people at NRC, as she deduced from most of the usernames and bios. What had started as an innocent #cammable_pair had turned into #academic_rivals and #enemies_to_lovers. [Reader] promised herself she would strangle the third-year student next time she saw him, if Riddle hadn’t already cut his magic off. Now the whole school was coming up with wild theories about the two of them. Thankfully, the suggestive glances in the hallways were starting to die down.

— You're on the phone again? — Riddle huffed, carrying a stack of books.

He didn’t spend much time on the internet. Especially not on social media. He visited from time to time but didn’t post anything. Besides, Cater always summarized most of the things he found, so he didn’t feel the need.

— I wasn’t going to tell you but I guess I’m not that nice after all — [Reader] said, shoving the screen in front of his face.

— What am I looking at? — He asked, staring at the picture full of Magicam-filtered cookies.

— Not here. There — she pointed to another photo, scrolling through the comments.

She watched slowly as understanding spread across his face. She could easily track it by the reddening of his cheeks. He finally understood the looks he had been getting in the hallways all week.

— Umm... I’ll tell Cater to take this down as soon as possible...

— No! If we take it down, everyone will think there’s really something going on and the rumors will get even worse.

— If you say so — he sighed quietly.

He didn’t know what this feeling was, but something began gnawing at him from the inside. In his mind, the idea of them being together had been just a funny invention of Trey’s. But now, the whole school was doing the same? Why did it bother him so much? After all, there wasn’t a grain of truth in it.

— Time for the famous tarts today? — [Reader] picked up the first book she could reach, sinking deeper into the plush armchair.

— You don’t look too happy — Riddle noted, glancing at her sideways.

— More studying means more boredom — she replied, covering her face with the book.

— Funny you’d say that, considering your grades.

— Just because I study doesn’t mean I like it. My parents are really strict about my grades. That’s one of the reasons they transferred me to NRC — she sighed.

For a moment, they sat in silence, only broken by the rustling of pages. Riddle began to think maybe they weren’t so different after all, despite what he had initially thought.

— I know what it’s like. My mom was also adamant about good grades. Then I overbloat and things changed a bit...

— You had an overbloat?! — [Reader] nearly jumped out of her chair.

— It’s a long story. The point is, in the end, studying isn’t everything. — Riddle looked her straight in the face.

— I can't believe you're the one saying it — she chuckled quietly.

— You know what? Take the book and come with me. — He extended his hand, which she hesitantly took.

He led her down the hallways filled with red, black and white. At the end awaited the cozy kitchen of Heartslabyul.

— We should bake the tart before we start describing its meaning according to the Queen of Hearts. Learning can also be fun. — Riddle began flipping through the pages until he found the right recipe.

— How many times have you baked this? — she asked, peering over his shoulder.

— More than once — he replied.

By "more than once," he meant "twice." And only the second tart had been remotely edible but no one needed to know that.

Thus began the great pot adventure. Flour, eggs and piles of sugar were put to use. Riddle carefully measured the ingredients. Only for a moment later to see [Reader] adding another spoonful of sparkling crystals.

— It needs to be sweeter — she declared, sticking her finger into the forming foam.

— That’s unhygienic! — Riddle screamed in horror, trying to cut through the sounds of the whisk.

Reading the next step of the recipe, he already knew what would happen.

— Give that to me! — He reached for the bag of flour, which she swiped from under his nose.

— We’ll do it by eye and it’ll be fine! Otherwise, we’ll be here all afternoon, and I’m hungry!

— No way... — The flour hit his face, which shut him up immediately.

[Reader] burst out laughing. She couldn’t stop herself, looking at his white-coated red hair and eyelashes. Riddle looked like the unpainted roses from the Heartslabyul garden. The comparison made her laugh even harder. She grabbed her stomach, wiping a tear from her eye.

Riddle looked at his reflection in the kitchen cabinet.

— Oh, you... — He swung his portion of flour.

Now [Reader] joined the ranks of ghosts, covering herself in white. They were both forced to sweep the floor. Although they couldn’t agree on who should do it, so they eventually divided the room in half.

The final step was preparing the strawberries. Water and knives were used. Riddle complained that she was eating every other one instead of putting it in the tart. In the end, however, all the fruit rested beneath the pastry blanket, which glowed with a golden hue in the oven.

[Reader] was absolutely convinced that the residents of Heartslabyul had some kind of fifth sense. How else could you explain the fact that, moments after the tart came out of the oven, a crowd appeared in the kitchen?

— Riddle?

— Hmmm? — Riddle lifted his head from his small plate.

— Thanks.

He answered with a smile.

Vorpal impatiently and stubbornly searched for the carrot in Riddle’s hand. However, he didn’t find anything there. He gave a loud snort. He was saddled, ready to go, while his guardian was still waiting.

— I thought you’d fallen asleep in the haystack — Rosehearts commented as a greeting.

— Silver had to help me a little but it’s fine now. — She pulled the reins of the horse.

— Did you read all the rules and safety instructions… — He didn’t get to finish.

— Yes, yes. Can we go now? — [Reader] asked, jumping into the saddle.

At NRC, horseback riding was an activity for those who wanted it. Students signed up for the club and only they had access to recreational rides and the stables. At RSA, it was a much more popular activity. [Reader] sometimes wondered if it wasn’t because so many people at her old school resembled what she called “pretty princes.” The activity fit this concept quite well.

After a long day full of studying, she was already fed up with staring at letters. Reading felt like torture, so when Riddle asked her to study the rules, she just waved her hand. Silver wasn’t hovering over her as a Heartslabyul prefect would, so they waved goodbye to the thick stack of papers in the binder and the boy showed her around the stables. However, during the tour, he became incredibly sleepy, which made the whole process much longer. She had the impression he could nap while standing.

The ride itself really pleased her. It was connected to the Queen of Hearts in a very roundabout way. Though the ruler herself didn’t ride, her soldiers did. At a certain point in history, they were forced to escape from her and this was the method they chose. Besides, it was a perfect excuse not to have to finish another essay chapter too quickly, which sounded fantastic in itself. Not to mention that Coach Vargas promised to add an extra grade for her participation…

— Do you want to race? — Riddle pulled her from her thoughts as he rode next to her.

— First to that pine tree wins! — She urged her horse on without waiting for a response.

The trees blurred as they sped by. The world became endlessly green. She could hear the wind rushing in her ears. She had the impression that Rosehearts was shouting something but it was hard to make out the words. She sped up even more. She didn’t want to lose.

— Slow down! — Riddle’s voice came through indistinctly.

— No wa...

Only then did she realize what was going on.

Beyond the pine, there was a cliff. The tree had been a strange exception that tricked her. The path abruptly ended, revealing a drop of several meters, with a forest beyond.

[Reader]’s heart raced. She shifted her weight to the back of the saddle and squeezed with her calves. She pulled on the reins. The horse slowed but not enough. Cold sweat broke out on her. She had the impression that her mind switched off for a few seconds. She looked in horror at the approaching slope, until the landscape seemed to change in a kaleidoscope. It was Riddle who caught up to her in time and cast a spell. He twisted the reins. When she finally stopped, she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

— What were you thinking?! — the boy shouted. — The rules clearly said…— He suddenly understood what had happened. — You didn’t read them, did you?!

Vorpal nervously tapped his hoof, kicking up clouds of dust.

— I was tired and thought that…

— This isn’t something to think about! It’s for your safety! — His face turned a dark red.

[Reader] tried to dismount but her legs were shaking like jelly at a unbirthday party. They refused to cooperate the moment they touched the ground. She didn’t fall, though. Rosehearts caught her at the waist with surprising gentleness, a contrast to the booming voice he used to lecture her.

— Are you alright? — he asked quietly, inspecting her from head to toe.

— I think so — the girl replied, still shaken.

Without thinking, she threw her arms around his neck. He responded with a firm, confident embrace.

— I’d never forgive myself if you…— His unfinished thought hung in the air.

Riddle hugged her tighter. Strands of hair tickled his nose but he didn’t want to spoil the moment. The familiar scent wrapped around him, assuring him that everything was fine.

— I’m sorry — he heard her voice breaking right by his ear.

— It’s alright — he replied, stroking her head. — But you’ll still get punished — he added after a moment. — And I’ll make sure you read all of the rules...

— What’s going on between you and the Goldfishie? — Floyd’s figure appeared as if out of nowhere. He appeared between the library shelves before [Reader] could even blink.

— What? — The girl lifted her head from the books.

— You are enemies, lovers or whaaat? — he drawled. — It’s funny watching his reactions, so I wanted to check with the source if I’ve got a new reason to annoy him a bit.

There was something strange in the twin’s gaze. He looked like an eel, restlessly circling around his prey. His yellow eyes seemed to shine dangerously in the dim light, reflecting the faint glow of the magical lights.

— There are only rumors on Magicam. We’re doing a project together. We’re not a couple, if that’s what you’re asking. — [Reader] struggled to focus on reading the task content.

— Oh, really? Maybe it’s worth checking — Leech commented.

Floyd leaned right next to her chair, then tilted his head dangerously close. His face was moving at an alarming speed toward hers. She knew he wouldn’t harm her but it still annoyed her.

— Get away from me. — She pushed him to a safe distance.

— Meeeh. You’re no fun — he grinned. — But thanks for the confirmation!

She wanted to say something but the sight of Riddle’s murderous glare, who had just entered the library, made her change her mind. Whatever Floyd had told him as he was leaving must have really pissed him off.

— Is everything alright? — he asked, sitting down at the table.

— Yeah. It’s just Floyd being Floyd — she dismissed it weakly.

There was a moment of silence, broken only by the rustling of papers.

— Hard to believe we’re handing in the essay tomorrow, huh? Feels like the whole semester just flew by — [Reader] commented, seeing the boy putting the last dot.

The final, corrected version lay in front of them. A stack of papers summarizing the last few months. She felt like the pages couldn’t hold everything that had happened, so she could finally finish the project.

— True — Riddle agreed with a distant voice.

Red hair fell over his forehead. Instinctively, she brushed the stray strands away.

— It’s about something Floyd said, right? — [Reader] asked. — I’ll strangle him — she added.

The look on Rosehearts’ face told her she had hit the nail on the head. Especially since he didn’t comment on the fact that she had just threatened someone, which normally would have earned her a reprimand.

— Tomorrow, we won’t have any reason to meet anymore — he finally started uncertainly.

— That’s what you’re worried about? — She opened her eyes wide in surprise. — Of course, we’ll still meet. Who else would I compete with like I do with you? You’re like my… arch-nemesis! My most-hated school foe. I wouldn’t leave you — she laughed.

But Riddle didn’t respond with a smile. Quite the opposite. He became even more serious than usual, and she thought that was impossible.

— That’s exactly it! — He stood up abruptly. The scraping of his chair echoed through the library. — I don’t want you to hate me. I want you to… — He took a deep breath, seeing that [Reader] also stood up.

They were now face to face. Steel-gray eyes looked at her with hope. Their quick breaths mixed in the still silence. Riddle shifted his gaze to her lips. He felt his face flush. This time, however, the blush wasn’t caused by anger. It came from the unbearable feeling of his heart pounding in his chest.

— You want to what? — [Reader] whispered to encourage him.

— I want you to love me — he finished quietly.

He felt the taste of familiar lips and knew that [Reader] was smiling. Her hands tangled in his hair. Riddle felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He only pulled away to take a breath. He realized he was also smiling involuntarily.

— Check this out! — Ace waved a tray enthusiastically.

— What exactly am I looking at? — Deuce squinted.

— Lemonade — his friend sang with a mischievous grin.

— Please tell me there’s no honey in it...

Deuce only needed one good look to understand that yes, the drink definitely had honey in it. The sweet trap stared at him with its treacherously golden color. And it looked so good! The boy glanced at the clock in the common room. It was already well past 8 PM. That didn’t bode well.

However, an even greater horror struck him when he saw the burgers on the plate. A bunch of tiny buns stuffed to the brim with toppings. It was Tuesday! That already broke two of the Queen of Hearts’ rules.

— Hide that, or you’ll soon be saying goodbye to your head! — he whispered, looking around nervously.

— And you with me, Deucy. — Trappola shoved a burger straight into his mouth.

— You can’t… — he chewed and swallowed — …do that.

— Relax. Look over there. — He pointed Deuce’s head toward the window.

Deuce couldn’t believe his eyes. Their prefect was walking with [Reader] through the garden. And at a time when he usually spent studying in the common room. They were laughing about something, talking in hushed voices. And were they holding hands?

— Since they got together, Riddle’s toned down a bit. And that means tomorrow night I’m going to take a risk and drink coffee — he added.

— What do you mean they are together? Hey, Ace! Answer me!

#riddle rosehearts x reader #twisted wonderland x you #twst #oneshot x reader #ace trappola #deuce spade #trey clover #cater diamond #silver #floyd leech #academic rivals #enemies to lovers

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lokidokieokie · 1 year ago

Text

Change is Never Easy

Summary: The two of you called it quits a month or so ago...and then Y/n faints during a shift. Change is never easy.

Pairing: Surgeon!Strange x Fem!Nurse!Reader

Warning(s): ex-lovers, exes to lovers(?), fainting, unexpected pregnancy

The atmosphere at General-Metro had quickly become thick with tensions ever since the breakup. Dr Stephen Strange and Nurse Y/n L/n had officially called it quits a few weeks ago, and the lingering awkwardness between them was impossible to ignore.

Navigating the hallways was like tiptoeing through an emotional minefield.

Y/n, nursing her wounded heart, did her best to keep up appearances during her shifts. She tried to focus on her tasks and avoid any unnecessary encounters with Stephen.

The air of the hospital was constantly charged with unspoken words and unresolved emotions; and the slightest interaction left both of the medical professionals on edge.

On one fateful day, while Y/n was basking in her lunch-break, the build up of the emotional strain proved too much. In the break-room, surrounded by the hum of vending machines and the distant chatter of her coworkers, Y/n collapsed.

Panicked voices echoed through the room as her coworkers rushed to her aid.

---

The current events of Stephen Strange's ex did not reach him until later on in the day, courtesy of one Christine Palmer, who had intercepted him in the bustling hallway.

"Stephen, have you gone to check on Ella? Something happened to her during her shift, and I haven't had to opportunity to see her yet," Christine whispered urgently, concern etched into her voice.

Stephen's brow furrowed in confusion. "What? No, I haven't. Is she alright?"

Christine briefly briefed him on the situation before she got paged to another emergency, prompting Stephen to abandon his current path and seek out Y/n.

When he found her, lying down in a quiet corner of the hospital, seemingly alright, the relief on his face was undeniable.

Slowly walking over to her, he brushed a stray hair out of her face. "What happened to you?" Concern prominent in his voice as he dragged a chair over.

With a flutter of her eyes and a shaky smile, Y/n greeted him. "Hey, Stephen. I don't really know what happened. I just felt incredibly dizzy, and then everything went black for a moment. I'm probably just dehydrated, I'm sure everything is fine."

Stephen raised his eyebrows, and his professional instincts kicked in. "People don't just faint for no reason, Y/n. I'm going to order a few tests to make sure."

Before calling in others, Stephen quickly did an examination, asking her about her symptoms and taking note of her vitals.

As Stephen focused on the exam, Y/n couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia. Their interactions were once filled with warmth and familiarity. Now, they were tainted by the awkwardness that hung in the air like a heavy cloud.

She was broken from her thoughts by Stephen's sigh of relief. "Physically, you seem find. I'm still getting other tests done to be thorough."

Y/n nodded, appreciating the concern emanating from her ex-lover. "Thanks, Stephen. I appreciate it."

---

It was probably about fourty-five minutes later when Stephen was given Y/n's test results. His eyes scanned the report, his expression changing from professional concern to surprise. Y/n, being curious and anxious about what he had seen, couldn't help up speak up.

"Stephen, what is it? What's on the report? Am I okay?" she pressed, her eyes searching his chiseled face for answers.

Taking a moment to compose himself, Stephen finally spoke, his voice a mix of disbelief and realisation. "Y/n, you're...pregnant."

Time seemed to still as the revelation hung in the air. Y/n's eyes widened, mirroring Stephen's astonishment. The awkwardness of their recent breakup was momentarily forgotten as they processed this unexpected twist of fate.

"Pregnant?" Y/n repeated, the word feeling foreign on her lips. "But we were careful?"

Stephen's mind raced, still processing the news. "Well, it seems we have to blame the twisted mind of the universe for this."

~~~

A/N So...I'm back from the dead 🙃 Sorry for another hiatus, Uni sucks, but I'm on break now :) Hopefully I can write more...but I'm me sooooo, please don't get your hopes up. BUT, there will be a part two of this that I have already pre-written so...

taglist (lemme know if you want to be added or removed) @thewaithfuckingannoyme @evelyn-kingsley @moonlight-ee @fall-myriad @ironstrange1991 @asgards-princess-of-mischief

sorry if you weren't added and had asked to be, I lost my taglists :(

#stephen strange #doctor strange #dr strange #stephen strange fanfic #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange imagine #stephen strange fanfiction #dr stephen strange #dr strange x you #dr strange fanfiction #dr strange x reader #doctor strange x fem!reader #doctor strange fanfiction #benedict cumberbatch x reader #benedict cumberbatch #exes to lovers #pregnancy #unexpected pregnancy trope

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charmedreincarnation · 2 years ago

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Hello sweetie💌 I accomplished the void last night and I want to share my story with you. Well, first of all I did a few days of self concept (I didn't do anything special, I listened to subliminals and reminded myself that I already have it). In fact, when people said that the self-concept was something important to the void, I didn't take it very seriously, I thought it was a limiting belief. but such an idea came to my mind, I tried not to achieve the self concept void, but to make me realize that I already have what I want. In this process, I really achieved great results, I felt better now, family problems decreased as much as possible, and most importantly, I realized my unlimited power. and here is the day i entered void!!!

It was evening hours, I didn't specifically listen to a meditation or a frequency void subliminal. I lay down on my bed, closing my eyes and concentrating on my heartbeat, just with an idea that I was sure was going to enter a state of emptiness. I relaxed my body, then repeated the familiar affirmations inwardly (like I was in the void) After that, I got to the most important stage, my body started to take off, it was like I was floating in a vacuum. I suddenly realized that the sounds were gone, the flashes of light before my eyes and the darkness that followed were pulling me in. At that moment I realized that I was in void and said my wishes.

My manifests:

• I passed a university exam and it cannot be said that I was that successful. so i first manifest the result i want.

• I added the foods that I had been craving for a few days on a board I created on Pinterest, I wanted them to be in my closet when I woke up.

• 50 kg and my dream body type

• The most beautiful state of my own face, free of all my insecurities

• a pet cat

• Every time I want to just close my eyes and affirm, enter the void in seconds.

• Albums and magazines of all my favorite kpop groups

• some anime manga

• mastering the manifest, the instant reflection of my wishes on my reality

• have a perfect self concept

• that my mother is completely healthy and peaceful

• a laptop, a new tablet, the latest headphones and my dream phone

• large amount of money in my safe for myself

• My dream room and also a closet to put my snacks

I had manifested that all my wishes would come true the moment I woke up. The first thing I did when I woke up was to look at the phone and it was exactly what I wanted! then i got out of bed and looked around my room, it was exactly the same as in my dream! then i checked my new tech and money, they were in place too.everything was exactly how I wanted it! I literally felt like a dream, but it was all real. After I suppressed my excitement, I heard my mother's voice, she was saying that the exam results were announced. I entered the site from the phone and checked my result! I have quite enough and an excellent result for the university I want!

I just want to say, you can achieve anything, my dears! Just discover that limitless power and don't give up no matter what. You don't have a single thing missing from successful people, first realize that. You are in control of your reality and it is up to you to shape it according to your wishes. I will give an example from myself, I had so many problems that I was not even in good health. I overcame all this myself. And now I am very happy, living my dreams. take care of yourself, believe in yourself, believe that what you can do is limitless, respect your achievements. I believe in you.

I’ve gotten so many success stories lately. I won’t post all of them and still don’t plan on coming back but I promise I see them and I’m so happy for y’all even if I don’t post it 💓💖💖💖

#void state #void success #my asks

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fairyminnie444 · 4 months ago

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hii! so i manifested a 93% on two exams i had since it’s finals season for me and i just got my grade back, and both of them are below it (i got a B+ and an A- so it’s not that bad though!)

any idea what i did wrong?

First, congratulations on doing well! Even though it wasn’t exactly 93%, you’re still doing great!

Let’s see some possible reasons why it might not reflect exactly as you intended.

When manifesting something specific, like a grade, your inner state has to align with already having it.

• Were you fully confident?

Did you know you’d see 93%, or did you have lingering doubts like, What if it’s lower? Even subtle doubts can influence the outcome.

• Did you detach?

If you felt anxious about the result or kept checking 3D for confirmation, it might have signaled attachment rather than trust.

Assumption vs. Intention

Manifestation works through assumption, not just setting an intention. Ask yourself:

• Did you assume and feel the 93% as done?

• Or were you hoping or trying to force it?

If you were just wishing or relying on effort rather than being the version of yourself who already has that 93%, the reflection may not have fully conformed.

Were you focusing on the process (the exam, studying, etc.) or the outcome (seeing the grade)?

• Focus on the end state. Imagine seeing your final grade, feeling satisfied, and knowing you aced it. Forget about the “how.”

Revising the Grade

If you still feel strongly about seeing a 93%, you can revise:

1. Close your eyes and imagine logging into your grades.

2. See the grade as 93% and feel the excitement and pride of achieving it.

3. Persist in this new story until you feel at peace, knowing it’s already true.

Even if the grade doesn’t physically change, your belief will shift, and future results will reflect that.

Reframe the Situation

Instead of seeing this as a “mistake,” view it as feedback.

• It shows you’re close—your grades are excellent!

• Use this as proof that manifestation works and tweak your approach.

#law of assumption #loassumption #loa tumblr #manifesting #loa blog #neville goddard #loass #loa #manifestation #law of manifestation

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m3tr0n0m333 · 5 days ago

Text

So I DID actually end up writing a Huey centered fic while I was on the airplane and I think it is. bad. but I will post it anyways

I was supposed to start off with a oneshot but it's. um. probably gonna end up with multiple short chapters for the sake of organization + me getting used to the ao3 formatting?. Like 5, maybe. I've already written two. I think it is oneshot length, though, my writing isn't particularly descriptive or long (I am working on that)

Okay enough rambling here it is

Huey Duck Fails a Test and Freaks Out 👍(title pending)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65817286?view_full_work=true#main

Huey checks the clock on the wall again. Every single tick of the second hand moves closer to 3:15, where the bell will ring.

Huey knows how to manage his time on a test. He's learned to calculate how much time he has on each question just in case he spends too long on one. It's a smart strategy he picked up along the way, not only to make sure all questions are answered, but also for a little more control over his test taking experience.

He's running out of time.

He feels his mind buzz as he reads the question in front of him. It's vague, as if the answer he's supposed to get is shrouded in a confusing mist. Or maybe it's not vague. He just doesn't understand. Why doesn't he understand?

He spent the night yesterday studying for this test. The teacher had attested that this unit was a particularly difficult one for most, but Huey is not 'most'. He's better than 'most'. He's supposed to be better than 'most'.

Huey scrunches his face, pressing the palm of his hand in between his eyes. He bites back a sigh so he doesn't disrupt the testing environment. Even after re-reading the question a few additional times, he can not decipher it.

He, who has rewired the Gizmoduck armor, unscrambled complicated riddles or ancient puzzles with languages most do not even recognize. He can not figure out what this question on this science test is asking for. It's not even in a foreign language, so why is he having such a hard time with it? He's supposed to be the smart one.

He should not spend too much time thinking about what he's supposed to be. He has to prove it. Surely, this is what the question is asking for, and that is the process he needs to use to get to it. This variable, that method. This choice, that explanation.

He barely realizes he's chewing on the edge of the pencil, leaving dents into the wood and wearing it down— not unlike his deteriorating confidence. The hand not holding the pencil is scrunched in his head, tugging at the creamy white feathers as if he could pull the information out of his head that way.

Did he not study enough? He made sure he understood the concepts and memorized the material and the equations and the conversions— what is he not getting here?

Huey recalls, with a pit digging into his stomach, going to sleep after a half-hearted study session that only lasted till 10:00. They had gone on a quick family excursion moments before, so Huey believed that the exhaustion that resulted from it was a good excuse for him to sleep at a reasonable time. He told himself that this would be enough to get himself through the test with an appropriate score. He was wrong. Hubris is the downfall of man, and Huey realizes he's become a victim of it.

The bell rings. His heart spikes. Huey recognizes the adrenaline burst he would more commonly get on a life-threatening adventure. Tests are not life-threatening, but his breathing quickens and his vision tunnels because the body does not care.

The teacher announces giving them five— five more minutes to finish up the exam. He would be more grateful for the extension had he not realized he has five minutes to get through eight more questions he had failed to answer. He has never screwed up a test this badly before, and he feels the heat pounding in his head and heart make his eyes water and chest tighten.

He's not fragile. He cries the least out of all of his brothers. What would send Louie bawling when they were children, such as scraping up a knee, to more serious wounds on their recent adventures, like a sprained ankle, did not make Huey cry. Often, he would take care of the wounds himself, as that is what his circumstances had taught him. Emotionally, too, Huey has prided himself in keeping himself levelheaded in stressful situations where others have cracked. Looking at everything objectively has its perks, as he can avoid taking the wrong step in a path obscured by emotion.

But as he leaves the classroom, he feels a bubbling tightness in the back of his throat and sees his vision blur with unshed tears. These feelings, a result of his failure, are choking him, closing up his throat and creates a struggle to get the proper amount of air. He shuts his eyes and counts in his head, facing the wall so no one can witness this pathethic sight. He is not pathethic, and he surely shouldn't sob over feeling unsteady on a test. It's not even graded yet, so he can still hope for the best result and hope his doubts are a false alarm.

He wipes what humidity is left from his eyes with the back of his hand, making sure no evidence of his struggle to keep together is left, and trudges out to the front of the school.

#I don't remember what I tagged actual writing as #Also Huey probably wouldn't flunk a test in canon. that kid is too smart #text post #ducktales 2017 #ducktales #dt17 #ducktales reboot #huey duck #ducktales huey #dt17 huey #Just gonna tag Huey things but there are other characters 👍

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historicity-was-already-taken · 7 months ago

Note

Do you have any advice for vetting sources on I/P? I just got a book at a local bookstore and was wondering how I should go about determining any biases?

Great question. I addressed this in my I/P Reading List. I'm pasting below my section on the methodology and source vetting process I followed while compiling this list:

In compiling this list, my process and methodology were as follows: I first wrote down all the relevant works I could think of off the top of my head, all hailing from my fields of Biblical Studies and Modern Jewish History. I then reached out to my friends in Modern Middle Eastern History, Conflict Studies, Jewish History, etc for recommendations, lists, and insight; one of my friends, an ABD PhD candidate in Modern Middle Eastern History, was particularly helpful in helping me understand Israeli historiography, and pointing me towards the best works in the field of Arab Nationalism. After taking their recommendations, I conducted a series of google searches using “‘relevant search term’ site:.edu” to ensure that I received results from only academic domains. From there, I read syllabi for university courses, and examined comprehensive exam reading lists. After that, I searched the catalog of the New York Public Library using any and all relevant search terms, and I also conducted targeted searches on Amazon. By the time I finished, I had a 50 pages filled with book titles. My next step was to divide the list into categories, deleting irrelevant titles and repeats as I went along. After dividing the books into categories, I put each title through a rigorous fact checking process. I checked the publication material for each book to ensure that it was either a. published by an academic press with a built in peer review process, and/or b. written by an academic historian—either a faculty member, or someone with an MA or PhD in history. If I was still unsure after that step, I searched the title in the University of Maryland’s database system, and read the academic (meaning, peer reviewed) book reviews of the title. From there I either kept it on the list or removed it. As I approached the late-Ottoman period, I became extra-critical of relevant titles. At this point, I made sure to read book reviews from at least two academic journals in different fields/subfields to ensure not only the text’s legitimacy, but its ability to hold firm against the scrutiny of scholars in multiple fields. I tended to remove a work if the word “polemic” appeared in the reviews. This said, many of the works on this list, particularly, but not exclusively, in the Post-1948, Arab Nationalism and the Modern Middle East, Conflict Overviews, and Historiography Narratives, Memory and Theory categories will be slanted, or biased. Considering the topic at hand, this reality is both inevitable and perhaps necessary. I do advise you, however, to read any books you select from these categories critically. The vast majority of these books are academic histories (simply put, I don’t trust popular historians with this topic), so if you are not accustomed to that type of writing, be sure to read the Introduction of whichever books you select very carefully, and understand that you are reading to learn—not necessarily to enjoy. In terms of my categorization…it is imperfect and becomes admittedly fuzzy once we get into the late Ottoman Period. I’m not even 100% comfortable with some of these categories, but alas, if there is one thing I learned from Library Science it is that categories are both terrible and inevitable in the organization of information.

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love-and-deepspace-wiki · 6 months ago

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Hunter's Association: Recruitment Process

Details:

Throughout the game, we are given various pieces of information regarding the Hunter's Association's enlistment/recruitment process. From what has been mentioned in-game, the recruitment process follows the below progression. Each stage will be expanded upon in this post:

Candidate Stage

Exams

Selection Process

New Recruit Registration Center

Annual Badge Ceremony

First Mission

Sector Assignment

Training

Recruitment Stages:

Candidate stage:

All new recruits enter the process as candidates. Evidence of this can be seen during the badge ceremony. Prior to her officially becoming a hunter, the protaganist is called to the stage as "candidate 792350". On the podium display, her candidate number is shown in the upper left (see Annual Badge Ceremony).

Exams:

There are multiple hunter's exams that a Deepspace Hunter must pass. The protaganist mentions having had one exam after another, resulting in her pulling all-nighters. Here are the specific exams mentioned in-game:

First-Aid Exam

Hunter's Exam

Hunter's Association Licensure Exam (aka Hunter's License Exam)

Hunter's Qualification Exam

Theoretical Exam

"UNICORNS theory test for new hunters"

Selection Process:

Upon passing their exams, recruits then proceed to the selection process. During or after this stage, the rookie list is released to the public. It is at this point that team captains can pick rookies for their teams.

Deepspace Hunter Authentication:

At the beginning of the Main Story, the protaganist is shown entering an elevator (left). Once inside, authentication is conducted (top right) and her identity is verified (bottom right).

New Recruit Registration Center:

After the authentication checks are complete, the elevator takes her to the New Recruit Registration Center. What specifically occurs at this center is not mentioned in-game.

Annual Badge Ceremony:

The badge ceremony is an annual event where badges are handed out to new Deepspace Hunters. Since the rookies shown in the room are all wearing the black and purple hunter uniform, they must have been given to them prior to this stage. Interestingly, the protagonist is the only candidate wearing a basic hunter uniform.

The ceremony is held at Linkon City, Hunter's Association HQ (top). Once you are called to the podium, your personal information is verified and facial data is collected. Once complete, your candidate number, name, DOB, Evol, Evol level, and assigned sector are displayed (left).

You are then officially a Deepspace Hunter and are given your badge (right), Hunter's Watch, and Hunter's Firearm.

First Mission:

On the protaganist's first mission, Captain Jenna is her UNICORNS captain. At this stage, she is a member of the UNICORNS team, but has yet to be assigned to a specific sector.

After their first mission, their performance is recorded and used to assign them to the appropriate sector. The sector assignments are released via the Hunter's Watches, which they must report to at 8 AM the following morning.

Training:

Hunter Bootcamp:

Hunter Bootcamp is a stage available shortly after a new Deepspace Hunter enters the industry. In this boot camp, hunters are trained in basic combat techniques. These include Hunter Training, Dodge Training, Skill Training, Advanced Training, Shield Breaking Training, and Lock-On Training.

Weapons Boot Camp:

Weapons Boot Camp becomes available after Hunter Boot Camp is passed. In this stage, new hunters receive training on various weapons including Firearm Training, Sword Training, Claymore Training, and Wand Training.

Freestyle Training:

After Weapons Boot Camp is completed, new hunters then progress to freestyle training. This stage includes Attack Training and Shield Breaking Training. The final component of this training is a non-stop combat training ground.

Deepspace Trials:

Deepspace Trials are a holographic training simulation developed by the Hunter's Association and the World Evol Bureau of Technology. It is now available for every Deepspace Hunter. The advanced tech will simulate Wanderer of different types, levels, and the appropriate combat environment to help hunters grow. They provide a training ground tailored to the challenger's Evol. Open Orbit serves as a comprehensive training ground that all hunters can access. On the other hand, Directional Orbits are specifically designed to simulate Wanderers and battlefields based on certain Evols.

Hunter's Academy:

In Sylus' Myth story "Captivating Moment", the protaganist mentions the Hunter's Academy. When Sylus asks if she knows how to box, she says she learned the basics at the Hunter's Academy.

In Rafayel's Tender Moments story "Radiant Halo", the protaganist mentions running with heavy sandbags during training. Since the Academy is the only other training mentioned in-game, it is possible that she was also referring to this here.

#love and deepspace #lads #lads linkon city #linkon city #lads hunters association #love and deepspace hunters association #lads deepspace hunter #love and deepspace deepspace hunter #lads hunters exam #love and deepspace hunters exam #lads training #love and deepspace training #lads bootcamp #love and deepspace bootcamp #lads hunters academy #love and deepspace hunters academy

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spiffywon · 4 months ago

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DEAR DARLING GIRL 𐙚 ˙ ⋆ . ˚

synopsis. the cold student council president finds his girl with tears in her eyes after she gets falsely accused by her rival classmate.

pairings, genre & wc. studentcouncilprez!y.jw × secretgf!reader [ fluff , hurt , comfort ] ; 2.3k

soundtrack. daddy issues - the neighbourhood

reen says. hihi my loves, this is my first fic on tumblr, and i've crafted this idea for a considerably long time and am pretty proud of the result too yaayay so i hope my pretty readers will enjoy this oneshot 🧸 EN- masterlist

reblogs and notes are greatly appreciated 𓂃⋆ .˚ !

currently, the student council room was bustling with chaos as the members were preparing for the rehearsal of an important upcoming event. after decorating your assigned portion of the auditorium, you were now trying to open a plastic bag containing decor items, however, the airtight nature of the bag restricted you to do so.

when suddenly, you felt two strong arms slowly snaking between your arms and your waist, as their hands took hold of the bag of supplies from your hand. you turned your head, scared to be seen with your secret boyfriend by the council members. however, once you tried to do so, he gently pushed his head against yours to trun your head straight and pressed a quiet kiss to your check in the process. in the midst of all this, you couldn't catch when he had opened the airtight bag for you, only realising once you felt his warmth retracting from your rigid body.

alongside his well-known leadership, reliability, and academic skills, Yang Jungwon, a senior in high school and the president of the student council, was said to be decelis high's invincible pride. by nature, jungwon was quite nonchalant and extremely reserved. however, just as you, a junior, and his very much loved secret girlfriend comes into the equation, he becomes the most chalant man ever. secret glances, hidden smiles, and subtle acts of love were you guys's roman empire.

you had started to like jungwon just after a few months passed once you joined this school in your freshman year. well, what can you say? you've always had a thing for hot nerds. truth be told, you never thought jungwon would ever like you back. maybe it was your lack of self-esteem or whatever, but you were pretty sure about it. however, he proved your theories to be completely wrong when he confessed to you at the start of your junior year, after half a year of him being down bad for you, as he described.

your secret relationship was something you both agreed on to be as private as possible, as you both announced this arrangement to you guys's close friends only. they had teased you and him alike, muttering strings of 'see i told you' 'about time' and 'i knew it'. due to your similar personalities and goals in life, it wasn't a shock that many people of decelis high shipped you with him religiously.

after your duty at the council ended, you returned to your classroom to attend the last period of classes, not before sharing a subtle grin with jungwon. you were especially excited yet extremely nervous today since the results for the last subject of the first term exam of your junior year were to be announced today. you have always been a hardworking academic overachiever. though you weren't exactly a nerd, you forced yourself to dedicate your student life to your studies since childhood, as it was the only way you could receive a somewhat sense of validation from your unapologetically unloving mother and self-centered father who truly, didn't give a shit about you, as long as your mother was happy.

as you were about to enter the classroom, you could see the teacher already starting to distribute graded exam papers. as she saw you, an acknowledging smile crept onto her lips, "come in, y/n". you smiled back at her before coming inside and taking your seat. you were a student who was adored by almost every teacher in decelis high, your sweet and kind nature along with your intellect surely set a good impression on not only them, but also your seniors, juniors and peers.

not long after, you had gotten your answer paper back, the big red A+ and 98/100 with a star beside it automatically carved a smile on your face. the teacher returned to her desk at the front of the class and started to announce this term's first, second, and third place in junior year.

she started, "Im Jiah, third place. Do Gyuri, second place, and y/n, first place!" you really couldn't wait to tell jungwon about this. all those forehead kisses while he tells you how much he's proud of you, his sweet girl. however, amidst your quiet celebration, you couldn't miss the venomous glare being thrown at your back, making you involuntarily turn around and see none other than Do Gyuri.

gyuri was your academic rival since childhood. her parents had some kind of enmity with yours, and thus, their daughter, for no reason, always tried to tick you off. you never really had any problem with her until she embedded memories of being bullied, insulted, feeling abandoned, and left out in your adolescence, up until now.

much to your fortune, suddenly, the school bell rang, indicating the end of classes for that day. you happily stood up, gathered your belongings, and were about to walk out of the classroom when the teacher called your name and asked you to stay back. once everyone left, she showered you with sweet praises and words of acknowledgement, resulting in a grateful grin forming on your face. and after a few minutes, you were allowed to go as well.

once you and jungwon had started dating, he always insisted on walking you home after school, saying that he loved you way too much to let you do something or stay somewhere unsafe. and thus, a regular routine formed of you waiting for his classes and presidential duties to end, and him caressing your hair and kissing you afterwards before you both walked home together.

today was no exception, however, as you arrived in front of the student council room, you saw jungwon, the vice president, and the secretary having a meeting together. not wanting to disturb them, you decided to walk around the school for a while.

a very, very bad decision.

as you reached the end of the connecting hallway, secluded from the teachers' and janitor's offices, you were suddenly pulled by a strong force, the unannounced jerk making you confused and scared. as you looked at the source of the action, your eyes widened as you spot Do Jina, Gyuri's mother and the same woman who tried to suffocate you with a pillow once when she had sneaked into your family's house at night.

"how dare you, girl? how dare you steal my daughter's answer paper and submit it to the teacher as your own?!" do jina screamed at your face.

"w- what?" you muttered, unable to piece the collection of words coming out of her mouth.

"oh and now you have the audacity to take all the credit and praise from the teachers and look at me like some innocent child?" do jina took a hold of her hair and tugged on it harshly.

you looked past her shoulder, noticing gyuri looking at you with a sly grin plastered on her face. now it all made sense.

"i didn't. i didn't take anyone's exam paper. i didn't cheat- AHH!" you shrieked once she dug her nails into your arms, feeling your skin being torn apart. flashbacks of that time when you felt like you had reached the end of your life, your airways being blocked off by her appeared in your mind, your breath rising by the second.

now you weren't just scared. you were petrified. tears were already streaming down your face, as a hollow feeling buried itself into your chest.

"get your fucking hands off her!" a familiar voice reached your ears, a somewhat sense of relief downing over your currently fragile mind. soon after, you felt a gentle grip on your hand, separating it from the harsh hold of gyuri's mother.

as soon as you saw jungwon standing in front of you, your tears seemed to increase, choked sobs coming out of your mouth. "jungwon... they- they're being mean... i don't know what i did, but... she's going to kill me, jungwon, please don't trust them, i swear, i didn't-" your rambles were cut off as he pulled you to his chest. "calm down, angel. she won't do anything, i won't let them. you're safe,okay? take a few breaths for me, yeah?" at his comforting voice, your body seemed to calm down, the warmth of his body fighting against all the cruel possibilities your mind crafted.

"your issue will be solved at the principal's office. do not even think about getting your hands on her, or i'll make sure your daughter won't want to live enough to see tomorrow's daylight." jungwon turned back to throw a cold glare at gyuri's mother, the underlying threatening tone of his voice making her reconsider her actions. she knew yang jungwon was a student the school would fight to keep, and the clear indication that he wasn't going to entertain any favours for her daughter was enough to shut her up for now.

jungwon noticed the red straches blooming on his girlfriend's arms, the sight creating a strong feeling of wrath inside him. how dare someone tried to hurt his girl, his sweet little baby?

he rolled up his sleeves quickly before messily taking off his tie and wrapped the material around the wound on your arm. "i'll take care of it once this shitshow is over, okay, love? don't worry."

jungwon didn't care enough to look at or inform gyuri's mother as he cupped your reddened face, brushing off the tears before he muttered, "let's go to the principal's office?" and after a hesitant nod from you, he held your hand tightly and started walking, gyuri and her mother following behind.

jungwon knocked on the door before he was given permission to enter. the principal's face lit up at the sight of jungwon, but dimmed right after he saw your tear streaked one. he cleared his throat, "please, have a seat." at that, jungwon guided you inside the office first with a hand on your back, following right after you and shutting the door, resulting in the mother and daughter having to open the door for themselves.

jungwon led the whole thing, talking for you when you wanted him to, and encouraged you to take stand for yourself when he thought necessary. after the principal heard both the sides involved, jungwon put forward the suggestion to watch the tape of the hidden cameras inside the classroom of the day of the exam, resulting in gyuri's face contort in confusion. only the school authorities and jungwon knew about the hidden cameras planted all over the school. nobody ever really checked the cameras, unless an incident required an evidence. he had told you once about these cameras, when you were yapping to him about crimes occuring in the school and how the results would play out.

the principal followed his suggestion and searched the tape before watching it in front of everyone. gyuri's was easily proved to have lied, which led to her mother embarrassingly utter, "i- i'm sorry. i didn't know gyuri lied. i'll take her out of this school."

jungwon, however, wasn't too happy with her decision. "i truly believe people can change, and the environment is what really matters. i think it will be beneficial to her if she stays here, we all can help her reflect on her actions, especially me, as the president of the student council." you were stunned, not expecting to deal with gyuri so softly, and honestly, you didn't want him to either. she and her mother had made your childhood a living hell, as if your own parents weren't enough to make you feel suffocated. however, jungwon's tight yet reassuring hold on your hand compelled you to trust him. whatever, you weren't the type of person to be able to take revenge anyway, your heart always told you it was mean and unnecessary.

the principal smiled widely at jungwon and praised his open mindedness and soon everyone took his decision as the final one. you both went out followed by gyuri and her mother. jungwon asked gyuri for a talk with him and she agreed and followed him, when suddenly, jungwon's polite smile disappeared. instead, a cold glare plastered onto his face. "i hope you're not foolish enough to think i did this out of pity. both you and your mother should remember all the cruel things you put my precious girl through, and if not, i'll help you. every single night you've made me see her sob because you knew she wasn't emotionally capable to do all those horrible things back to you, i'll make sure you regret that. i don't like to see her sad, let alone cry, and you won't get away with doing things your way when i exist. i hope you've understood my favour towards you, because, god, you must know how much i refuse to tolerate idiotic people, especially if they are pathetic like you and your delusional mother."

soon after, you found yourself in the infirmary with jungwon, you seated on the desk as he stood in between your legs. he carefully unwrapped his tie around your wound, before applying some antiseptic over it, making you hiss and lean onto one of his broad shoulders. he shushed you, muttering sweet encouragements, with hopes of providing you comfort. as jungwon started bandaging it, you couldn't help but look up at him with your eyes widened and lips parted, "how did you know?" jungwon swore he saw an angel right in front of him, "it's quite easy to tell. you kind of wear your heart on your sleeve when you're with me, and i appreciate it."

"you didn't have to, though..." you muttered, "what if the other students start getting suspicious after seeing your different treatment towards her? i don't want to cause trouble." "angel, you think i care? i want you to stay happy, no matter what. that adorable smile you put on your lips as your cheeks turn the prettiest shade of pink is what keeps me alive and sane. and i'd do anything to ensure that i can see it as long as i live." jungwon spoke, caressing your red cheeks, as he gently took a hold of your bandaged wound and kissed it, before attaching his lips with your plump ones.

reblogs and notes are greatly appreciated 𓂃⋆ .˚ !

#kpop imagines #enhypen fic #enhypen imagines #jungwon #yang jungwon #jungwon x reader #yang jungwon x reader #yang jungwon x you #enhypen #enha imagines #enha fluff #enhypen fluff #enha #enha x reader #enhypen jungwon #jungwon x y/n #jungwon x female reader #enhypen fanfiction

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russenoire · 1 year ago

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i just finished fullmetal alchemist 2003...

and i have words about this.

while both series have lovely scores, courtesy of michiru ooshima here and akira senjuu for FMAB, FMAB's OPs and EPs are almost all far too good to skip, ever. (if i have to hear pornograffiti's 'melissa' one more time, i will scream.) both series rely pretty heavily on slapstick humor to leaven the surrounding darkness, and the massive chip on edward's shoulder about his height, grating in brotherhood, also wears on my patience here.

i liked this story's approach to alchemy and how it works. but the creators' vision of homunculi here, where each homunculus arises as a result of a single alchemist's hubris and becomes their sin to answer for? i prefer it a little more than the admittedly more cohesive explanation of a single being splitting off aspects of himself.

we get to spend more time with scar and maes hughes (my favorite character; i adore his hazel eyes in this adaptation and hearing the late keiji fujiwara's silky pipes voice him twice is a joy). i still can't decide which solf kimblee i like best.

both fullmetals are examples of satisfyingly meaty storytelling and full of awesome animation. i suspect a dislike of canon divergence behind a lot of the hate for the first series, and a preference for deeper character study and pathos behind hate for the second.

i'm usually wary of adaptations continuing after creators run out of source material myself, but the story shō aikawa and seiji mizushima constructed out of whole cloth offers up a feast of philosophy, character study, mindfuckery and intricate military-political intrigue. and for the most part, it holds up under its own weight.

here scieszka, winry and rose are more instrumental to the story's plot. dante the cursed shapeshifting genius alchemist is a brilliant addition to the story, as is archer (more on him below). lust becomes an almost sympathetic character, what with having loved and lost multiple times as she manipulates mankind into seeking knowledge while being only a tool herself. alphonse is a formidable alchemist and a prodigy in his own right. here that's not just hinted at; both boys could have passed the state alchemist exam with ease. i loved seeing the elric brothers use alchemy to squabble with each other, not just fists and limbs. and edward... he's a double amputee, but his prosthetic limbs work well enough to rid him of any real functional impairment (bless winry's fantastic engineering!). i'm not going to get into the fucked-up implications of that in this post, but i will say that FMA '03 makes his disability much clearer. we see how painful attaching his automail limbs is, repeatedly. a character pries them off of him at one point and he's almost helpless until he can get them back. it's now obvious why he wears gloves most of the time.

the brutality and pervasive racism of the military dictatorship running amestris is given far more focus here. (edward himself gets checked on his own racist assumptions quite a few times.) we see more of the armed forces in the act of genocide, not just flashbacks in haunted soldier memories. officers openly call people savages; kimblee is sent in as an exterminator because of his amorality and solipsism; shou tucker's sick research is allowed to continue, even though the military already has a more efficient method to make chimerae. while making the situation the elric brothers left behind in liore worse, the shady lt col archer sustains what would have been fatal wounds. he gets rebuilt into some sort of robocop hybrid sentient killing machine with no qualms about gunning down his own men. rose is traumatized to mutism raped by the military for having led a rebellion and still leads her people.

whether this feels heavy-handed to you may depend on your tolerance for darkness and cognitive dissonance; i'm still processing how i feel about it. both takes on arakawa-sensei's story present their main and supporting cast as capable of cruelty and kindness, but FMA '03 foregrounds that evil a bit more alongside the good. it made the kindness less palatable for me, in a good way.

also i spoiled myself a bit by watching the conqueror of shamballa before finishing this series. when i learned that mizushima-san is a huge fan of hideaki anno's work, FMA '03's 'inconclusive' ending made even more sense.

#fullmetal alchemist #musings #fma 03 #anime #fma meta #fma 03 spoilers #hagaren #always good to form your own opinions #i'm not sure which kimblee i like more tbh #two fine takes on an already good story #i really should read the manga at some point #i learned that arakawa sensei worked closely with aikawa san and mizushima san on their version of the story after i wrote this #making even less sense of the weird 'it's not canon!' hate #ymmv #there would be no FMAB without FMA '03‚ y'all. remember that.

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catboybiologist · 1 year ago

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Transition journal and documentation: Jan and Feb of 2024

Measurements for January are up, and February will be soon to follow! Tagging @whalesharkcat and @trans4hire here. If you want to be tagged when I post these, let me know! The advice for injections is in the journal below.

Some quick notes to clarify things:

I'm consolidating qualitative observations into my journal. Oftentimes these haven't been easy to cleanly classify into different categories of observation, so I'm not really gonna bother.

As I'm sure you've realized, the timing of these observations isn't consistent. I have a private document with exact date stamps for everything, and these are mostly right at the end of the month. But my levels checks don't match up to this cleanly, so I group them with the closest set of other measurements. Sometimes I don't have one that cleanly fits.

I can't trust myself to measure height anymore, to be blunt. I want to ask the doctor every time but chicken out about it easily.

But anyways.

And now, as a journal, a brief summary of my thoughts on the past two months:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*deep breathing*

fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkk

Okay. So. I'm not gonna list off everything that's happened since the year started. So many independent things started happening, one after the other, that I had to start formatting it as a bulleted list to tell people I know irl what's been going on. Each one has been a crisis on its own- massive emotional events, health problems, health problems in people close to me, transphobic drama with former "friends", academic&research problems, and a resulting mental health spiral. And all of this leading up to my qualifying exams at the end of February, for which I barely scraped by and passed.

But. With all of this. There's silver linings.

The biggest one is that the start of this year has been a stress test of my overall emotional state since starting HRT. I'm not gonna lie- if all of this had happened a year ago, I don't think I would be here now. I either would have completely snapped and done something I regret, or... yeah. But as it stands? I cried. A lot. I isolated a bit. I had mood swings and anxiety and anger and excitement and relief and highs and lows beyond my wildest dreams. It was intense. It was not pretty. But it was cathartic, and healthy. Before this, I would've processed all of this as a generic, stressful, anxiety-ridden malaise, that would've weighed down on me until a breaking point. As it stands, however, I made it. Not in a neat way, not even really in an emotionally stable way, but I made it. And there is no fucking way that would be true pre-HRT. I think I can genuinely say at this point that estrogen has been life saving for me.

In the middle of all this, I switched to injections, right at the start of February. A mistake? Maybe, but I'm too fed up with delaying my progress because "the time isn't right", so I stubbornly refused to delay that change any further. It's a goal I worked out with my provider ahead of time and I stuck to it. So how's that been?

It's been an incredible and WILD experience. I'm on estradiol valerate. For those that don't know, estradiol is conjugated with another compound, which is then cleaved over time in your body to release it. For injections, that results in a peak irculating levels about 1-3 days afer injections. Some people feel it more than others- and holy shit, do I feel it. This has given rise to "the Sundays", because on Sundays, I'm going fucking nuts. My senses are heightened, and I start craving and reacting to physical touch in intense ways. It's not always sexual- while arousal comes easier to me the closer I am to peak, mostly I just become a cuddleslut. It is WILD. I'm also more emotional and cry more easily. Some cis female friends I have confirmed that it mirrors the feelings they get at a certain point in their monthly cycle, so essentially the fluctuating levels are giving me the sensory and emotional effects of a period every week.

The flip side of this is that I feel like shit on Thursdays, like I missed a sublingual dose when I was on that. After the first two weeks, I started taking 2mg sublingual on Wednesday night and Thursday mornings to avoid this, which helped a lot. My provider specifically said this was a good idea, so if you're dealing with that yourself, consider trying it out. I might move to a 5-day injection interval instead, but we'll see.

I've only had one problem with injections so far, which I'm dealing with right now- on my fifth self injection ever, I had unsteady hands and hesitation before stabbing myself, causing a not-great needle stick. Currently, I have a nasty looking injection bruise. Not painful, and healing pretty well, but not fantastic to look at. Self injecting has been intimidating and scary, moreso than I thought it would be. But the actual physical pain is much, MUCH less than I thought it would be, its just that the lizard brain refuses to stab yourself.

If you're thinking of switching to injections, here's a bit of my advice:

keep as many oral/sublingual pills on hand as you can anyways. These will be helpful if you feel your injections aren't carrying you emotionally for the entire interval, or if you don't have an environment where you can inject regularly

If you have a provider, they should provide a nurse tutorial and consultation for you to inject properly. If they don't, try to insist on one. They'll give better advice than I can.

think less, do more. Ideally, the actual moment of the stab should be painless. Be quick and steady about it. The fluid entering feels like pressure and slight burning, but nothing more than that.

vary your injection sites. A doctor or nurse should explain this to you, but this reduces risk of doing what I did and bruising yourself.

be extremely sterile about things. All of the wiping down and sterile technique you'll hear? Don't fuck around with it. Infection is no joke, and absolutely can happen.

Purchase spare needles and syringes from a pharmacist or online. Several reasons for this- one, if you make a mistake and a needle is no longer sterile, you don't want to hesitate about throwing it away. And two... well, let's make a second point about this.

If you want to stock up on estradiol for the future (if you're worried about future access to HRT), this can be easier with injections- but you have to be careful, and you'll need extra needles (for the love of fuck, do not reuse needles). Vials will always have excess medication, because it allows standard volumes to fill and distribute, and it also ensures that needle draws will always be able to be fully submerged. Do NOT try to run your vial out. You WILL run into sterility and contamination issues. That said, vial expiration dates are typically measured from time of first puncture. This will vary, but for me, I was told that the vials are good for 4 weeks after the first puncture. This is overcautious, but not egregiously so. My recommendation would be to use each vial for 1-2 extra punctures, and open the next vial a bit later. Still get prescription refills as frequently as you can. That way, you can stock up on unpucntured vials in case anything happens to your supply. THIS SAID- if you notice ANYTHING wrong with the vial- if the seal isn't containing the fluid properly, if bits of the seal are falling into the medication, if you can see a noticable hole in the seal, DO NOT USE THAT VIAL. Look me in the fucking eye. Do. Fucking. NOT. get sepsis. Do not fuck around with this. The flexibility to be cautious about your vials is a great reason to stock up on a bit extra in the first place.

To anyone in the US, if you're comfortable with doing this to stock up, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend starting this now. Slowly start using your vials for 1-2 punctures extra, stock up unbroken vials. Just in case something bad happens after the elections.

Typically, your medication will come with two sizes of needles- a draw needle (puncture the seal and draw medication into the syringe) and an injection needle. You might want to consider going *slightly* smaller on one or both of those needles. Estradiol is dissolved in a viscous oil as medication, and can be difficult to draw and dispense as a result. But, if you're patient, a smaller gauge might help. For the draw needle, it can help do less damage to the seal and preserve it a bit longer. For the injection needle, if you have a bit more sensitive skin, it might be comforting. Don't deviate too much, though, ESPECIALLY without a medical professional involved.

Remember that I'm not a medical professional, please consult one whenever possible.

I'm still on spiro for now, and I'm continuing it until my next levels check comes back clean. I don't want to erase months of progress getting my levels up by dropping it too early.

Measurement-wise, there hasn't been much change. But I'm starting to realize that the measurements aren't really telling the full story. My breasts look so much larger and, for lack of a better word, breast-like than they did even a couple months ago, but that hasn't been coming through in the measurements very well. I think what's happening is that my fat around my sides is shrinking at the same time my breasts are growing. This is reflected a bit in terms of underbust and waist measurements, but it still seems more dramatic than those are letting on.

Face wise, I think I'm really seeing some changes now. It's hard to put into words, but I'm starting to look more and more androgynous or femme by default, especially if I shave. I'm estatic, honestly, and I hope the trend continues. My chin and nose continue to be problems, but as the structure of the face around them changes, that's becoming less and less true.

I've been getting laser, but so far it's done pretty much nothing. There's lag time, and some of my health issues meant that I had to delay a session and get both sessions at a much lower power than I would've like. I was really hoping to have visible hair removal by June or so, but it looks like that's not happening. That kinda stings, and is a huge blow to my ability to pass by the one-year mark, which has been my target.

I think my boymoding has been holding, for the most part, although its been harder. Even with my sports bras, small bumps are visible under a t shirt, and the face changes won't be unnoticable forever. I've def been more loudly bisexual, and I think most people just write it off as me being fruity. Cis people can also be pretty oblivious, especially when changes are gradual. That being said, I've been coming out slowly to people, giving my usual speech of "I'm still presenting as a man for now, but just so you know this is what's going on", which removes a lot of the pressure and anxiety from boymoding. Still, I haven't told everyone (notably, labmates and family), and my timeline of social transition between June and August seems to be holding steady.

So uh, yeah. If you're curious about anything specifically, I'm an open book, although I may move it to DMs if it gets too personal. Hope that my progress updates are helpful to at least someone!

#trans #transitioning #transgender #trans journal #trans progress #trans documentation #transfemme #trans HRT #trans woman

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