#except possibly on pain of imminent death

[messessentialist]

start by pulling him out of the fire

A Steddie fanfiction written by @messessentialist for the @steddiebang, with art by @hellfiredemon and @maikaartwork. 85k. Rated E.

Read it on AO3

Summary:

Eddie Munson died on March 27th, 1986. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. No, wait. That’s not right. That’s Hitchhiker's Guide. Or was it Restaurant at the End of the Universe? Whatever, not important. Eddie Munson died on March 27th, 1986. Except…he didn’t. He couldn’t have. Because Eddie Munson is currently arguing with himself in his fucking head about sci-fi quotes, which doesn’t feel especially like something that a dead person would have the capacity to do. The bats had killed him. There had been pain, and the sick sensation of tearing flesh. He’d had to swallow past a mouthful of his own blood to tell Henderson he loved him. Surely those were symptoms of imminent death. And yet. On April 1st, 1986, Eddie Munson opens his eyes in a dim hospital room. There’s a gasp from his left, and he tries to turn his head towards the source. “Easy there, kid. They’ve got you trussed up pretty good.” Eddie doesn’t need to see him. He’d know that voice anywhere, in any universe, hell dimension or otherwise. “Uncle Wayne?” A story about the families we find and the love that finds us.

Artwork by Hellfiredemon

Artwork by Maika

And of course I have to thank the rest of the team who helped to make this possible!

Beta by @flintandfuss and @wynnyfryd

Emotional support services by @wormdebut

It's finally time to start sharing this bad boy with the world!!! Project 070 for the Steddie Big Bang 2023. Writing this and getting to work with Conrad and Maika have been incredible joys, and I feel so very lucky. I hope you all love it as much as I do!

Chapter 1: In Which Wayne Acquires a Child

Chapter 2: In Which Wayne Becomes a Parent

Chapter 3: In Which the Munsons Become a Family

Chapter 4: In Which Eddie Lives, Bitch

Chapter 5: In Which Eddie Goes Home...Sort Of

Chapter 6: In Which Everyone's a Little Bit Gay

Chapter 7: In Which Eddie Sees Stars

Chapter 8: In Which There is Cause for Celebration

Chapter 9: In Which It Takes a Village

Chapter 10: In Which There is a Soft Epilogue

[aphroditelovesu]

The Lost Queen - IX

— summary: You woke up near a military camp without remembering how and why you got there, you didn’t understand why they were dressed like ancient Greeks, all you knew was that you weren’t safe and you needed to get out of that place as soon as possible. Too bad for you that you found yourself attracting unwanted attention from the Macedonian King and he won’t let you go so easily.

— genre: yandere, dark!au.

— warnings: time travel, obsessive and possessive behavior, murder, mention of torture, kidnapping, angst, fluffy (very rarely), dub-con, possibly smut.

— pairing: yandere!alexander the great x female!reader, yandere!generals x female!reader.

— word count: 1,600.

— tag list: @devils-blackrose, @faerykingdom, @hadesnewpersephone, @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 , @kadu-5607, @zoleea-exultant, @borntoexplore11-blog, @silmawensgarden

— the lost queen series masterlist.

Chapter 9

A few days passed and everything remained the same except for a few changes. The atmosphere in the camp was slowly improving and Alexander seemed to have recovered after your decision.

You still regretted your choice, but you knew it was the right thing to do.

Cleitus finally woke up, to everyone's surprise, and he was recovering slowly, but that was to be expected. It was almost a miracle that he had woken up and that was both a good and a bad thing.

You had prevented his death and changed history.

You sighed and looked around you. There was a lot to be done for the imminent wedding. Alexander wanted to get married fast because they would soon go to Sogdiana Rock and everything had to be done as quickly as possible. Knowing that he would soon meet Roxanna filled you with hope and fear. You hoped he would still marry her, as he was supposed to, but you were worried.

You knew Roxanna's story and you knew what she had done to Alexander's other wives. Honestly, you were more nervous about meeting her than marrying Alexander. And if there were children...

You shook your head, it was better not to think about it for now. There was no guarantee that you would get pregnant with him so quickly and you didn't even want to think about it, the idea of getting pregnant filled you with dread, not because having children was a bad thing, but rather the circumstances and who you would be getting pregnant by. It was all very stressful and you felt like you were going to throw up if you kept thinking about it, so it was better not to think about it, no matter how hard it was.

Nor was there a guarantee that he would marry her because history has already been changed and could change again.

Your head throbbed as you thought of the countless possibilities and chaos that your presence here could have caused in the future. But there was no point in thinking about it now, you would leave soon, you were sure, and you would find out for yourself. You just hoped it wasn't too serious.

''Ugh...'' You grumbled and massaged your temples, trying to ease your headache.

There was still a lot of work to be done. Alexander left you in charge of organizing the wedding, along with some servants and slaves, because according to him, it was something women would do better at. You were tempted to throw your shoe at his head, but you didn't.

Too bad.

Honestly, you never thought your marriage would be like this, that is, if you ever got married. You definitely never thought you would marry Alexander the Great.

And you always imagined that you would have your family and friends present at the occasion, that your mother and friends would help you organize everything, it would be with someone you really loved and it would be a happy occasion.

Instead, you were being forced to marry a man who was supposed to be dead a long time ago, in a place in the middle of nowhere? You weren't sure and it was a very sad atmosphere.

The reality was harsh and painful.

You looked at some colorful fabrics left on your cot and regarded them with apprehension and perhaps disgust. Your wedding dress wasn't what you wanted either, it wasn't white lace or those beautiful dresses you only saw in movies or magazines.

You should get married in black at once, to symbolize your mourning.

You took one that was deep red in your hand and stared at it, taking in its details. It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't what you had in mind. It had some gold features, which you knew was real gold, and a very discreet neckline. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

Sighing, you prepared to try it out.

Two days passed and everything was ready. It would be a simple but beautiful ceremony, everyone was eager and excited. The atmosphere in the camp changed radically and it was as if everyone had forgotten what had happened to Cleitus and were focused on the wedding and the fact that they would have a Queen and, if the gods permitted, an heir soon.

Alexander was being prepared for the wedding. He had already showered and was putting on the final adjustments, the red tunic he would wear and some jewelry that would complete his appearance. His hair was drying naturally, he wore some kohl on his eye, highlighting his beautiful eyes of different colors, and perfumed. A sweet, soft scent radiated from his clothing.

In general, he was attractive and well dressed. There were no longer any traces of the defeated and drunken man he had been a few days ago, but of a King and a conqueror. And his men were grateful for that.

Hephaestion entered Alexander's tent and smiled to see his friend looking happier and healthier. The image he had of Alexander would still haunt him for the rest of his days.

''You look good, Alexander.'' Hephaestion commented and sat down on a chair and took a jug of water and poured it into a cup, sipping it.

Alexander looked at Hephaestion and his gaze softened and he smiled, ''You look good as well.''

And indeed, Hephaestion was well groomed, as were all the guests. He was dressed in a dark blue tunic with a few ornaments, but enough to make him look more handsome than he already was. His long hair was braided and he also wore kohl, highlighting his blue eyes.

Hephaestion smiled but there was a sadness lurking in his eyes. Alexander noticed and went to his closest friend and placed his hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. He knew that today was a painful day for him.

Hephaestion touched Alexander's hand with his own and shook his head, ''I'm fine. I just... I still don't know how to deal with this properly, but I'm fine, I promise.''

''I know it can't be easy, but it's something I have to do. As a King and as a man.'' Alexander whispered the last parts, feeling sorry for his friend. It wasn't easy, neither for him nor for Hephaestion.

''You are the King. You must marry and have an heir, I know that.'' Hephaestion smiled and faced Alexander, ''I always knew that. From our days in Mieza to when you became King of Macedonia. I always knew that.''

''Hephaestion...'' Alexander sighed, suddenly feeling melancholy.

''Do not worry about me. I am fine. The wedding will start soon, don't be late for your own wedding.'' Hephaestion stood up and placed the cup on the table and walked towards the exit, ''I'll be fine.''

Alexander smiled sadly, ''I know you will, after all, you are also Alexander.''

Hephaestion's face lit up and his face looked a little red, but he smiled and waved at his friend and turned away. Alexander watched him with regret, feeling guilty for causing his friend pain, but he couldn't shirk his duties.

And his desires. He wanted to marry you, it was a necessity and he couldn't ignore it.

The sun was setting over the war camp, painting the sky with shades of orange and pink, while the gentle breeze blew through the olive trees and poplars that surrounded the camp.

There was music and dancing involved. Some musicians played instruments, such as the harp and lyre, and dancers danced and enchanted the audience who watched them.

The bride, (Y/N), looked beautiful. Her clothes highlighted her beauty even more, a heavy red and gold tunic draped over her body, with jewelry adorning her and a red veil hid her hair, her face was clean and her natural beauty was highlighted. Her soft, wistful eye was alluring, with the kohl highlighting her color.

The ceremony began with a colorful procession, led by flutists and dancers. (Y/N), draped in a magnificent red robe, gracefully paraded through the camp, crowned with jewels. Her radiant face and eyes sparkled with joy or sadness. Alexander, dressed in a deep red robe, waited anxiously on the table, surrounded by his generals and soldiers watching from a distance.

The priest, a man of great wisdom and a white beard, led the ceremony. With the blessing of the gods, they exchanged vows of eternal fidelity and deep love. As the flame of the eternal candle burned before them, symbolizing the eternity of their commitment, the couple exchanged gold rings, a promise of love that would never lose its luster.

The wedding celebration took place under a starry sky, with long tables filled with Greek delicacies - olives, feta cheese, bread and red wine. Everyone danced to traditional music, celebrating the union of (Y/N) and Alexander. It was a night of joy and communion, where generals, friends and soldiers shared stories, laughter and wishes for eternal happiness.

This was a time of great joy and promise. The promise of an heir and the joy of a marriage that would be talked about for centuries to come.

As the night came to an end, the most awaited hour would arrive. Finally, the consummation would be made and if the gods bless the newlyweds, a child would come from their union.

Only the gods, the children born and the bride would know how cursed this union would be.

— lady l: and that was it! The wedding night is coming and I promise drama in the next chapter, this one was calmer and based on the wedding. I'm not good at describing weddings, but I did my best! I hope you enjoyed it and wait for the next chapter because it, my readers, promises to be CHAOTIC!! 😈 Hope you have liked and feedbacks are always welcome! ❤️

[meluiloth]

WIP Wednesday!

I was tagged by @acornsandoaktrees to post a snippet of a WIP fic - and honestly, this couldn't have come at a more perfect time, since I was actually working on Misfit today! It's a fight, but I'm winning, so have this little scene:

Now that the threat of imminent death was lifted from him—quite literally—Culfin looked up at his rescuer. It was Legolas. Culfin scowled and struggled to his feet—ignoring the helping hand the Prince extended to him—a sharp yelp escaping his lips at the stab of pain that shot through his chest. He clamped his teeth shut and straightened, keeping silent and pretending that he was perfectly at ease, even though he knew that at least one of his ribs had cracked. “Are you all right?” Legolas asked, his expression completely neutral except for a slight crease in his brow. Culfin cleared his throat, taking shallow breaths to conceal the lie he fed through his teeth: “Fine, thank you." The Prince’s head tipped ever so slightly, and Culfin knew he was very aware of his lie, but he made no comment; he only sheathed his bow and reached past Culfin to yank his three arrows from the dead Spider. “We should get back to the barracks as soon as possible; your father will want to know you are safe.”

Man oh man do I love putting my guy into Situations.

Tagging (because it's still Wednesday): @dreambigdreamz, @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras, @konartiste, @glorf1ndel

[theheirofthesharingan]

It's heartbreaking that the day Itachi massacred his clan, he continued to blame himself and himself only despite the Leaf leaders putting him in those circumstances. He knew how horrible the whole Leaf leadership was. He TRIED to warn his clan about their impending failure, which was inevitable, and his words were immediately brushed off without the Uchiha even considering them. Because they saw him as a traitor.

He considered himself insignificant, yet hoped the Leaf leaders would make something out of the given time that they had after Shisui died. But no... Hiruzen didn't do a thing. Itachi saw that. He noticed how the whole government wanted the Uchiha dead. He knew Hiruzen's words of kindness were a farce.

The possibility of the 4th World War, the Uchiha failing and dying at the village's hands, and then eventually being labeled the traitors and criminals forever, despite being the founding members of the Hidden Leaf Village. The coup had no positive outcome whether they won or lost. Even then, he fully understood why the Uchiha really would do this. And he wanted to be the Hokage so that the village would stop seeing them with suspicion. He worked hard to be a strong and powerful ninja. He wanted to help his clan too. He saw all the darkness of the Hidden Leaf. And he wanted to change that without any bloodshed.

But the grownups around him failed him. His parents failed him. The Leaf Village failed him. Itachi was only 12-13. A lonely kid. And Shisui's death broke him to the extent he never found himself again. The anime shows him as a complete badass king that can't lose to anybody, but he was beyond broken and traumatized as a 4-5 year old itself. He was suffering and only found comfort in Sasuke's company.

When Obito told Sasuke that Itachi was callously used by the Shinobi system, he wasn't lying at all. Both the Uchiha and the Hidden Leaf used him as a tool, refused to see him as a human, let alone a child. There was a reason why he never shared his pain with anyone. Because he knew no one was willing to listen to him. The ones with absolute authority who could have done something, didn't do anything.

He took the blame and the burden of killing his clan not because he believed they deserved to die, but because their death was imminent (Danzo made that one clear to him), and after their deaths their honour would be stripped as well.

The rest of the characters are super lucky to never have been put in the situation Itachi was. We never know how it would have turned out for them, except for the main character (because the narrative is going to make the main character end up being the right one and the winner as well).

The Uchiha were the victims. Itachi was a victim. Sasuke was a victim. They all deserved better. But their lives were destroyed because of the weak leadership of Hiruzen, corrupted ideology of Danzo and the two Elders.

[wordycheeseblob]

Calamity

Warnings: This might not be for everyone, discretion is advised. Death of important characters, worst case scenario, overly dramatic, not a writer so my bad writing, and all that war entrails.

Fandom: Ikemen prince

Word Count: about 500

About: Everything is in place and Gilbert made a final decision; it's time for Rhodelite to fall.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ikemen Prince or any of its characters. The characters and all that, except the plot of this fic are the property of Cybird. Please do not repost.

Author's Note: Text apart, if you'd like to imagine the fall of Rhodelite, i'd pair it with Der Prinz Von Ägypten [Soundtrack German]- Die Plagen. Unfortunately the German version was not on Spotify.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

It was only a matter of time, peace was a fleeting dream shattered in the wake of violence.

With Blood Stained Rose day commemorative ceremony around the corner disquieting whispers began to spread. The winds of fate were changing, anyone who sensed it knew that this slight disturbance preluded imminent disaster but very few could tell just how severe it would become. At first, many were conflicted, national opinion split in two; those who supported the monarchy and those who were against it. The friction didn't burn, it simmered. In silent resentment It crept and spread until at last, it ignited. The fires of revolution. It's catalysts were many; an enemy prince staying at the palace, the discontent with the current system, grief of the past, fear of another possible war...

Everything was all too sudden when the ground shook, inaugurated by a deafening sound, the smell of smoke, the banging at the iron gates of the palace followed by cries and protests. Too inflamed to stop and too violent to reason with. only when Rhodelite began falling from within did it feel the full brunt of Obsidianite invasion.

Both factions dispatched troops to stop the advancement of the enemy empire while also trying to suppress their own uprising but no matter their fierce resolve, the fight back and all the courage in the world could not stand against facts. And the the facts were that Rhodelite was overwhelmed. All the series of wrong events and worst case scenarios unchained at the best possible moment. For him that is. The World's Calamity, first prince of Obsidian.

Faith is said to be the last thing to be lost, and lost it was, that damned day when Gilbert strode about nonchalantly to thank you personally for the push, for helping him make the decision to conquer and override Rhodelite, the final judgement.

The rest is history. The day judgement was imparted, more than ever people needed to be united. Jin had tried to calm the people in the city and de-escalate the situation, withstanding several grave injuries. Luke nearly defected and disappeared. On the front lines, Clavis, god he tried, presumably passed from a bullet wound and with him died Chevalier's humanity. Gilbert hounded and captured Yves, Nokto and Licht. Although instead of executing them himself, he graciously handed the princes to bloodthirsty revolutionaries, the people of Rhodelite, to decide their fate for themselves. Leon was the only one who could fetch help from their benitotian allies at the time. With no chance to grieve or look back while his homeland crumbled and shook withstanding the weight of the world.

By then it was already a point of no return. War invited famine and plague. Heartwretching pain and destruction, chaos and finally

silence.

[veliseraptor]

HI just wanted to comment on something i see frequently in your writing! A recurring motif ive noticed you like to use is like... xue yang waiting for something to hurt- expecting pain (usually physical) and either enduring it when it happens or being surprised when it doesnt. And i think that is just so chef kiss- i think xue yang as a character is on some level always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for things to start hurting, ready to cut and run or lash out when they do, and i think that recurring motif of yours is just Extremely him and its always stuck with me when i reread your work. 10/10 thank u for giving me xue yang brain worms

you're welcome for the xue yang brain worms, just sharing my own when I don't have any more room for them in my own head. it's how I cope

anyway though I love when people like...specifically mention recurring Motifs they notice me playing with with a character, because I both worry that it's too obvious and also unclear at all times. but yeah!! this is definitely one of those where...I've talked before about how I think Xue Yang is very used to existing in a constantly precarious state.

Nothing is certain, nothing is stable, and his expectations of the people around him are in the basement. He pretty much lives by the expectation that he can't trust anybody else to look out for him except for him, and when they do it's always contingent and going to end eventually. I don't think Xue Yang was surprised to get kicked out of Jinlintai, however it happened; there was always an expiration date on that arrangement, from his perspective, and it was just going to be a matter of how and when it happened, and how well he could land when it did. He is very much always waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it's just a matter of time and he has to be ready when it happens.

(He wasn't ready when he was a kid, he didn't see it coming, but he's never making that mistake again. He will, in fact, bite first if it looks like there's something anywhere nearby that might possibly hurt him. Caught off guard once, death on the entire Chang Clan, caught off guard twice, that's just embarrassing.)

I also think a lot about how Xue Yang simultaneously spends all the time in anticipation of his own imminent death and carries himself with a certain attitude of invincibility and total indifference toward consequences. Bad shit's going to happen and eventually it will kill him but in the meantime he's going to live life like it won't.

Basically: pain and suffering is not just a fact of life but the rule; anything else is the exception.

And this is what kills me about two specific moments in the Yi City arc. The first is the one where Song Lan first calls Xue Yang's name, and the second is during the argument with Xiao Xingchen where Xue Yang tips from trying to get Xiao Xingchen to understand to on the attack. They're moments where I think it shows how much Xue Yang did relax during that period of time, and how much he at least...stopped being quite so ready for the flip side, and that's part of why it hits so hard when it does arrive, and part of why he goes after Xiao Xingchen as viciously as he does.

(Like I said, caught off guard twice...stupid, stupid mistake, and look what happened. Nobody's supposed to be able to hurt Xue Yang anymore but somehow Xiao Xingchen is doing it, and he should have known this was coming, when did he forget to watch for it?)

There's something too, though maybe this is also me reading forward in the MXTX extended universe, that looks at the way Xue Yang treats Xiao Xingchen in particular and wonders if he is, at least in some way, testing his hypothesis. I definitely think the way he goes after Xiao Xingchen isn't just about personal revenge; the way it's tailored is very specifically making a point about how Xue Yang's worldview is right and Xiao Xingchen's is wrong. Xiao Xingchen thinks he can alleviate suffering and make the world better; Xue Yang is here saying that there's no such thing.

anyway see related texts: xue yang's relationship with his body, xue yang, candy, and the mug metaphor

[dragonflight203]

Mass effect 3, Normandy post Menae:

-What are the turian reinforcements even going to do on Earth?

Shepard keeps seeking reinforcements, but their purpose is unclear. This war will not be won by fighting the Reapers directly. The entire might of the galaxy could descend on Earth and that won’t save it.

I suppose the logic could be the same as the krogans on Palaven – evacuate as many people as possible until the Crucible is ready.

Kind of shitty to ask other species to abandon their people to save Earth’s though.

-In most backgrounds, Shepard has no reason to be attached to Earth. Or negative reason. So why does the game insist leaving was hard?

This would have been an excellent opportunity to let the player, you know, pick what Shepard says.

I’ll go with Shepard had a hard time abandoning civilians to die since I’m paragon. For renegades – hard time letting the Reapers have a victory?

-I’m fond of Victus. Seems like a good guy. He’d probably be an awful politician in peace, but he’s just what the Hierarchy needs in war.

-According to the email he sent, the spectre Jondum Bau is skeptical of Shepard’s ties with Cerberus.

I suspect many people feel that way, especially now that Cerberus is openly attacking so many people and places.

How much did working for Cerberus in ME2 hurt Shepard’s credibility? Many spectres apparently took Shepard’s claims about the Reapers seriously, but did others blow them off because of it?

(Also, the spectres taking Shepard’s Reapers claims seriously can be a hint that the Council did as well. The spectres work for them.)

-Aria sent me two emails to see her ASAP. One is from the base game, one for the Omega DLC.

That’s very poor execution on Bioware’s part. The DLC email should have been sent after the base game’s email. It could have come after meeting Aria the first time.

-First conversation with Garrus on the Normandy and he’s already mentioning “old times”. The writers love that phrase.

-If you go paragon, Shepard mentions the boy they watched die on Earth.

The writers really leaned on you caring about him. If only they had put some effort into giving the player a reason to.

Yes, yes, symbolism but you still have to earn your readers’ attachment. Don’t take it for granted.

-Garrus: It’s something I learned long ago in C-Sec: An imminent and painful death has a way of motivating people.

Garrus, would you care to explain how you learned that in C-Sec?

Garrus was a terrible C-Sec Officer, wasn’t he.

-Garrus’ father was a friend of the former primarch.

Garrus has lived a very privileged life. Probably why he takes crime so personally – he did not grow up expecting it.

-Garrus won’t say his current rank in the Hierarchy. Presumably he’s quite up there, to be advising the Palaven Primarch personally.

-The first meeting with Edi in her new body is a reversal of norms: Renegade is far more supportive of her than paragon. Usually it’s vice versa.

Renegade, you congratulate her on saving the data about the Crucible and will let her know when you’re ready to take her on a mission.

Paragon, you stress the dangers she risked acting on her own and want her to test the new body thoroughly before taking it out.

-I’ve seen people insist that Edi’s body is not intended to be sexy, but it blatantly is. Edi comments on it (Joker will want to see it), Chakwas comments on it, Dianna comments on it, and Joker won’t shut up about it.

(How fascinating, that it’s all women except for the love interest.)

I’m disappointed in it; I would have preferred for Edi to have an “ambiguous” or blatantly robot body and to still become Joker’s partner. That would have been a more powerful story about a man and an ai falling in love.

Still, compared to what Bioware did to Ashley in ME3 this is a minor quibble.

-That aside, in-universe I think it’s a terrible idea to take Edi on missions. If you go too far out of Normandy’s range she’ll lose control of the body. Why risk that when you can take an organic squad mate?

-Oddly enough, Adams has nothing to say about Edi gaining a body despite the fact he was there.

-Why is Ceberus incapable of successfully faking a turian signal?

Traynor says they made the same mistake they made in ME2. That’s just inexcusable. At least fail differently.

-If you go renegade with Edi, it’s rather amusing. Change the core programming that prevents you from harming humans? Nope, it’s perfect leave it be.

-Your next conversation with Edi emphasizes that she has personality traits. She’s curious, enjoys learning, has preferences, can lie…

This is so odd. We know Edi has a personality. We saw this throughout ME2. Why state it outright state it now like it’s something Shepard is just discovering?

I think ME3’s writers struggled with the concept that machine life can exist on its own terms. Hence why Edi got a body and the geth need to “evolve” into full AI in the Rannoch arc to be alive.

So even though EDI has been a person since ME2, they emphasize how she’s just like a human here because that’s the only way they can conceive personhood.

Disappointing, but that will be an ongoing theme throughout ME3. It has many good points, but on the whole the narrative does not work for me.

[noamuth]

Eye Color

Rebloggable version of art here. Thought I'd go into a bit more detail on a new post!

Like many Drow, Dalamus boasts crimson irises, although his black scleras are a bit more uncommon.

Also like many Drow, his eyes change in appearance according to mood and health.

A deep crimson indicates at least decent health and non-extreme mood.

A more pronounced, glowing red indicates significant anger, or the use of infravision. Dalamus does not use infravision on the Surface very often--its much warmer climate tends to muddle every heat signature together, making it fairly useless and painful except at night. Even then, it causes eyestrain with prolonged use.

A yellow color--which often appears gold against the normal red of his irises--creeps into his eyes when sick, poisoned, or under negative magical influence. The word "sick" is vague and could mean anything from sleep deprivation, a common cold, chronic pain, a severe wound (ie blood loss causing anemia), or a life-threatening disease.

Dalamus often has a small, faint ring of "gold" around his pupils from back pain if he has not had adequate rest in several days. Under Matron Mother Nedvyllanna, one would see his eyes golden just as often as they would be red, thanks to her liberal usage of enchantment magic--notably, charming spells.

A bright, sickly yellow color overtakes all red in his eyes when extremely ill, potentially fatally so. Death is imminent without help.

These color switches are not instantaneous; they take time to appear and the amount of color will depend on severity, hence the basic gradient provided above. Anything between the described "benchmarks" is possible, such as only a slight, almost imperceptible glow when angry but not enraged.

Dalamus has no control over this process, making it a helpful measurement of his health or mood for others (if they know what to look for or what it indicates at all)--either to his benefit, or his detriment.

[dreamofmourning]

“surviving your own death” is a contradictory phrase, because it’s obviously not possible, but i can’t find another way to describe how there are elements of personhood that can endure through the process of dying until the final moment, but other aspects that have to give out for a person to handle the the experience of knowing their death is unavoidably about to happen to them. it’s about what to do once you realize the process of your dying has begun in a way that can’t be stopped now (and this realization is the key thing, you have to see it coming, this is why i think living dead characters always seem to involve foreseeing your own death - their unique response to that IS what makes them living dead). it’s not so much that you can’t survive your dying (obvious), but that you can’t survive as the subject of your own death. which leaves the options of: 

1. becoming something other than yourself 2. becoming something other than a subject 

i like the first one, obv, the idea of a kind of transformation that produces something that only exists to die. it’s also sad in a strange way for me (suicide lover) because i think your death should belong to you, and in this way it doesn’t, it belongs to a transient fragment of yourself that dies with its death and can never be incorporated. at the same time, the lead up to it is a suicide in itself: there is an implicit consent to death when you realize it is going to happen and instead of trying to avoid it, your response is to prepare for it, in either of those two ways. prior is a really good example of this:

he leaves himself to be able to bear his dying, and because that version of him is not the protagonist, we don’t get access as the reader to his death anymore, because it’s happening to a different person, our prior is already gone 

but #2 is so much more painful to meee/of interest to all the things i care about. i think we absolutely see this in prior too... him ripping out the pages from the back of his journal to give to other soldiers is the moment i knew for certain that he was going to die at the end. but also the missing pages in laura’s diary and leland showing them to her during the scene of her death (see here), the 20 year gap from iphigenia in aulis to iphigenia among the taurians, my favorite yet extremely contentious and somewhat embarrassing clinging to the idea that some perspectives in a novel cannot be reconstituted (the jury is still out...). i think all of this is more interesting to me because it’s completely wrapped up with the manner of representing these stories, since the major way we can experience another’s subjectivity (or measure whether it is still there or not) is as a character - specifically protagonists/narrators. a narrator in a diary-form novel who’s ripping out the back pages of the very diary that we’re “reading”... how can you read that as anything but death, him trying to end the story faster to get his death over with

general point is that what we see as the living dead is the gap of time after a character has begun to give up their subjectivity but before they actually die, and that what’s special in these living dead characters is that they survive for so long in this in between period, when most people could not bear for this surrendering to happen except when death is extremely imminent

[gingersprites]

I'd love to hear about

Metal Bones and Wolves Teeth

never love an anchor

thing idk

yotp march

And I'd love to tell you about them!!!

"Metal Bones and Wolves Teeth"- the final chapter for a fic I haven't updated since 2019, to my great shame. My plan was to cover Gendry and Arya's reunion at Winterfell and Sansa and Theon meeting and taking in Theon's bastard; sort of a parallel to Jon's upbringing except with much healthier relationships all around. I hate to think of this fic as abandoned, but tbh I think I've grown a lot as a fic writer since then and just haven't been able to rekindle that same drive to finish it. Maybe I'll get back to it one day.

"never love an anchor"- the working title for my Sansa goes to Dragonstone in s7 au! Title comes from a song by the Crane Wives. This one is probably the most plotted-out project I've done yet (seriously, it's color coded) but aside from a few scenes here and there, I've yet to actually sit down and write the darn thing- that's life when you're a grad student. Here's a little snippet though!

Deep down, she had never expected to see Theon again, and she had done her best to make her peace with that. But the sight of him there, on that beach- it made a long-neglected part of her sing. She would have thought that after weeks at sea she would be sick of saltwater, but as she took him in her arms, the way the scent clung to his skin was a comfort.

thing idk- I genuinely have no idea what this was supposed to be, presumably the start of some sort of post-long night au?? this is literally all I have in the doc, with zero notes about what else was going on because of course not:

The moment he stepped foot into the godswood, Theon knew he was going to die. He had accepted that it was a possibility when he swore to protect Bran, but it was not until he actually stood there that he knew his death was imminent.

He went to his death bravely, surrounded by his fellow ironborn- they too knew they were about to die, far from the sea. They were there for Yara, not out of loyalty to him, but he appreciated their presence nonetheless. It was more than a turncloak like him deserved.

Theon never expected to wake up.

yotp march- my March fill for the year of the OTP challenge! The prompts for this month are fresh starts / road trip / getting back together/mutual pining / “make me” / acceptance / fairytale au; I'm taking the "road trip" angle, except it's Theon rescuing Sansa from King's Landing. Have some dialogue with a side helping of pain:

“The Freys butchered him, and where was I, off playing pirate? Maybe I should have died with him.”

“You should have,” she hissed, “you should have died rather than abandon him! He was your brother!”

[perahn]

Khem Tells A Story

There seemed to be no way out of Katy’s demand – at least, nothing that would not cause more difficulty later – and so Khemuret Xul wracked her brain. She could find, without difficulty, all the spells she had stored there, all of her dreams and memories, all of the facts she had taken such pains to learn, a good deal of history, and a vast quantity of stratagems, but could she find a story for the sorceress?

“A love story,” the half-elf elaborated further. “You know, star-crossed two people, or maybe more, who risk everything to be together, and there’s adventures and misunderstandings and maybe one of them thinks the other is dead but they’re not, then there’s a happy ending and they, you know, do it a lot.”

Of course. She should have guessed.

“Katy, I don’t think Khem wants to–“ Harper began.

“You must know lots of stories, Khem, you’re so smart. I bet you used to sit with your friends at wizard school and swap stories, right? Like ghost stories, everyone loves going ‘woooooooo’ in the middle of the night.”

“Wooooooo?” Shay repeated, presumably puzzled by this new addition to Katy’s vocabulary.

Khem just shook her head. There were so many things wrong with almost everything that came out of Katy’s mouth; sometimes the only thing to do was to give her what she wanted so that your head did not become too cluttered with her nonsense. “There is one story I could tell you. It’s not a love story, its ending is not entirely happy, but it fits most of the rest of your criteria.”

Katy nodded, her dark-smudged eyes growing wider.

Khem inwardly sighed, then looked over to the side of the fire where Jarnath sat - looking insufferably smug, as usual. One of the many people to whom she did not want to tell this story. “It will not be to your taste,” she warned him. “All the characters are female.”

The drow chuckled. “Oh, I think I can endure it. The sight of a Red Wizard telling bedtime stories should prove entertaining enough to make up for any narrative flaws. Besides, this is hardly likely to recur within my lifetime. It would be a shame to miss it.”

“As you will,” Khem said, and thought rapidly for a moment. How could she make this a little safer and easier to tell? “A final warning, then. I will tolerate two interruptions. No more.”

“Per person?” Katy asked.

“In total. If you want to hear all of the story, I suggest you exercise some self-control.”

“I can do that!” the sorceress said, beaming.

It was very unlikely that she would make it even to the middle. Khem closed her eyes, ordered her thoughts and memories, and began.

“There are many versions of this story,” she said, her words falling softly into the ring around the fire. “I believe every Red Wizard has their own, each a little different. Persuading one to tell you, of course, is another matter.” She shrugged, a little self-deprecatingly. “If I were speaking in Mulhorandi, I would tell you of two women, Reha and Nebastis. However, since Common is required, I will name them Ambition and Desire.”

Shay’s eyes met hers across the campfire. Her fellow Thayan knew perfectly well that while ‘Reha’ could be translated as ‘Ambition’ it was never used as a name, and conversely, that ‘Nebastis’ was indeed a name, but it did not mean ‘Desire’. The monk inclined her head slightly and said nothing, as Khem had known she would not. There were some matters in which Shay’s discretion was dependable.

“They had entered the Academy at the same time. Ambition specialised in Divination magic, wanting to uncover all the secrets of the world and use them to strengthen her position. Desire, however, favoured Illusion, so that she could make the world appear the way she wished it. As such, they had been at the Academy for several years before they really noticed each other.

“Both, you see, had chosen to position themselves in the eyes of their peers as quiet and reclusive, competent enough for occasional use, but not threatening enough to require removal. Ambition was very skilled at using this particular ploy to her advantage, and by the time she was fifteen, she had discreetly eliminated three students whom she considered dangerous. Desire, on the other hand, was more reactive in her politics; she had never been considered worth challenging, and she was content with that. Desire might, perhaps, have been the more intelligent of the two, but she was not as cunning as Ambition. She gave an answer, one day in a shared class, that made Ambition notice exactly what she was doing. And so Ambition chose to cultivate Desire, to draw her closer and into alliance.  

“Ambition… well, she was beautiful as all Thayans are, and of pure blood, naturally. But Desire was something more. She was…” Khem paused, tried to translate the phrases. She noticed that Jarnath was looking bored and supercilious, while Harper seemed poised to put his hand over Katy’s mouth and silence any potential interruptions. “She was like the Weave itself. She would lick her lips when she was thinking, and the room would fall quiet. I know no words in any language to describe the grace and precision of her hands, their long, slender fingers, how deft and sure they were in every movement. When she cast a spell, it was as though magic itself had been invented just as a backdrop for those hands. She was as near perfection as it is possible to imagine…or,” Khem added, in a slightly different tone, “so Ambition came to think.”

“These things took time, of course. Perhaps Desire was playing a passive stance, but she had nevertheless survived twelve years at the Academy; she was immediately suspicious of Ambition and her attempts to garner influence. But Ambition was patient and persistent, and so, eventually, the two became allies – in the Red Wizard fashion, which probably still resembles polite wariness to you outsiders. They would study together and occasionally share their insights. They would spend hours discussing the finer points of a spell. Desire requested that Ambition apply one of her scalp tattoos, and then returned the favour. Their alliance was noticed, as these things always are, and three students decided that eliminating Desire would prove a worthwhile blow to Ambition. Desire fought well, but she would have been slain if Ambition had not stepped in front of the Scorching Rays.”

“How… sentimental.” Much to Khem’s surprise, the first interruption came from the drow.

“Quite,” she agreed. “I did warn you the tale was unlikely to entertain you.”

“Does it count as an interruption if I ask something now?” Katy wondered.

Khem sighed. “I suppose not. And you just did.”

“What was that about the tattoos?”

Almost subconsciously, Khem rubbed a hand over her scalp. “It’s really quite basic, if you think for a moment. Attempting to tattoo one’s own head is unlikely to yield good results. The process is quite prolonged, and whether you choose to endure the pain or to make use of analgesia, you are certainly operating at a disadvantage while someone drills a needle into your head. For that reason, most students are tattooed by their instructors, who usually have no reason to harm them. Sometimes, however, there are exceptions. Someone who is overconfident might offer the task to a rival, hoping to provoke them into making a move.  Or, as in this tale, it might be done by an ally, to mark shared purpose and the balance of power.”

“You mean, as a gesture of trust.” Harper said.

“I really don’t,” Khem told him.

“Oh!” Katy nodded. “So, who did yours?”

“Mistress Kharzura,” Khem said, telling what was approximately seven-eighths of the truth. “One of the Divination instructors. Shall I continue with the story, or would you like to ask more irrelevant questions about my schooling?”

When nobody said anything more, Khem took a deep breath. “And so, late one night in the library, alone, invisible and nondetectable, and not long after Ambition had saved Desire’s life, Desire told Ambition two secrets. The first was that she wished for a time and place where they could be alone, and safe enough to… learn rather more of each other than they already knew. This was not… unanticipated. To tell the second secret, Desire leaned very close, so that her whisper was no more than warm breath against Ambition’s ear, and she said, “I trust you.”

Khem folded her hands tightly about each other, too much the Red Wizard to betray her discomfort with the words by any more obvious gesture. “As you can imagine, that is not something one hears often in a Red Wizard Academy, and the way Desire said it carried conviction. Ambition was struck silent for a time, and then she told Desire she would arrange some privacy for them.

“Desire understood very well that the words she had said to Ambition were not ones that she could say back to her – at least, not yet, and in her way she was quite as persistent as Ambition. She was willing to wait, and to see what would develop between them. So she smiled, and she kissed Ambition, and she left the matter there.

“Desire and Ambition were hardly the first Red Wizards who ever wanted some time together on neutral territory and free from interruptions; there are customary ways of arranging such trysts.” Khem looked around at her audience, and remembered – again – that possibly only the drow really understood what she meant. Well, that was not inconvenient; it would make it more like a story for them, and less like an inevitability. “So Ambition paid the doorkeeper, and notified Desire.

“When class had ended for the day, Ambition went straight to the room and made the usual sort of preparations. Desire met her there some hours later.” Khem let her eyes unfocus, staring at the cavern wall as though she could see the scene she described – partially to help her concentrate on what she was saying and what she was not, but mostly so she did not have to see whatever expressions her audience were wearing. “They were both Red Wizards, even when the red robes were discarded on the floor. They were, as I have said, patient, persistent, and adaptable. They possessed tongues agile in wrapping themselves around the intricate syllables of spellcasting, hands trained in delicate, precise gestures, and minds ever eager to learn. These assets may be turned to several uses – and were, before Desire was sated.”

There was a silence that mildly surprised Khem. She suppressed the urge to clear her throat. “Ambition looked down at Desire, asleep in her arms, and she thought. She remembered the tone in which Desire had spoken of her trust. She thought of Raelthi and Thazad – two legendary Red Wizards who had achieved extraordinary things, simply because they had trusted each other completely.

“But, then, Thazad had been slain defending Raelthi, and in her grief and fury, Raelthi had woken a volcano to bury them all. No. That did not appeal to Ambition at all.

“She thought of how quiet Desire had always been, and how clearly ill-suited for Red Wizard politics. If she were a sufficiently poor judge of character to trust Ambition, of all people, there was no way Desire would survive much longer at the Academy in any case. And perhaps it would be… kind. Desire had clearly tasted a happiness she had never expected. No other Red Wizard within the Academy walls would offer her anything but cruelty.

“That temptation, too, Ambition put aside. The one irrevocable mistake a Red Wizard can make is to start lying to herself. No. Ambition would act as Ambition always had, for Ambition’s sake and with a clear head.

“So as Desire lay smiling, Ambition did as she had intended to do from the first moment she had noticed the other Red Wizard. By the gentlest means in her power, Ambition slew Desire. She kissed the closed eyelids, rose, cleaned herself, dressed and went out into the Academy. There was so much more to do.”

“That’s so sad!” Katy exclaimed, then clapped her hand to her mouth.

“That’s the end,” Khem told her. “You need not fear to interrupt me.”

“Oh, well…” Katy went quiet.

The sorceress would flood her with questions soon, Khem was almost certain of it. Shay, on the other hand, would probably remain quiet. She knew Thay. Jarnath was chuckling – of course – and Harper… well, Khem wasn’t going to look at him to find out.

“Can I ask a question?”

It was mildly pleasant to be correct, even on an irritating subject. “As many as you like, Katy. However, I will only answer one.”

“In total?”

Well, she had exposed herself to an absurd degree by telling the sorry tale in the first place… “Per person.”

“Uh, Khem?” She looked over to see Shay with her journal open on her knee. “How exactly did Ambition kill Desire?”

The Long Death were not too interested in magic, despite their alliance with the Academy of Shifters and Seers; Khem doubted Shay would find the truthful answer satisfactory. “Cervical fracture, secondary to direct application of magic missiles to the vertebrae.”

“Huh,” Shay grunted, and began scribbling.

“So,” Katy said, “if Ambition was going to kill her girlfriend anyway, why save her from those other wizards? Was it about the sex? I bet it was about the sex.”

“Really?” Khem rubbed her eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh and glancing around the circle at the others. “Please tell me at least one of you understands this depressingly basic manoeuvre?”

Jarnath probably did, but he wasn’t saying anything, and the arrogant set of his features was no more informative than usual. Both Shay and Harper were shaking their heads.

“Katy. They were clearly identified as allies by that point. If you let your enemies kill your allies, your enemies conclude you’re weak. Nor will you be likely to contract another alliance, should you be interested in one. If, on the other hand, you kill an ally when they are no longer useful to you, you strengthen your position.” It was a ridiculously oversimplified way to explain the power dynamics involved, and she was not at all sure Katy understood it anyway. The sorceress was frowning to herself.

Khem sighed again. “I suppose you have a question as well, Jarnath?”

“Only one,” the drow said, his smirk widening. “Does telling this horribly crude little tale mark your intention to retrain as a bard?”

Khem thought, not for the first time, of how much she would enjoy killing him. “No.”

“Oh, that is a relief.” Jarnath yawned, an elaborately feline gesture of white teeth and curling tongue. “I would hate to see you throw away your adequate wizard career to become a mediocre bard.”

Adequate! Khem raised the corners of her mouth and bared her teeth in a grimace only the most careless would call a smile. “You need not add that to your stock of fears. I sing approximately as well as you sunbathe.”

“Indeed,” the drow said, and yawned again. “I believe I require something more entertaining before bed, or else I shall have the most dreary nightmares.”

“Oh, I have just the thing!” Katy picked up her cue immediately, and began digging in her bag for another of the trashy romance stories she had started lending to their guide. As she started extolling the plot – something about pirates and a runaway prince – Harper approached Khem.

“I suppose you have a question,” she said, resigned.

“As a matter of fact,” he said, and made himself comfortable beside her in a leisurely fashion, before leaning in and lowering his voice. “So, which of your tattoos did Neb- uh - Nestabis do?”

The angular pattern repeated – rather unconventionally – along her cervical, thoracic and lumbar vertebrae. The memory of those long, painful, candlelit hours flashed across her mind, surfacing only as a superior smile.

“Nebastis,” Khem corrected him, rolling her eyes. “Or Desire – I translated for a reason. The answer, of course, is none. You mustn’t read too deeply into allegories, Harper. Do I truly seem like someone who would allow desire that much power over me?” She bit her tongue on if so, please establish exactly which organ does your thinking for you.

“Well, you didn’t before you told that story.”

[spurgie-cousin]

What’s crazy to me is Esther saying they love living in the RV? The RV where you can’t go number 2 or move around in more than ten feet? Like really girl? Lol it would be fun for a little while or even a long trip but years? With a baby? Hilary tell me I’m wrong

I like camping, I like RVs and tents and even super primitive back country stuff, but to live? No thank you.

As much as I want to be the kind of person who could live like that, I know what I was like during the 3 days our air conditioner was broken and I'm not proud of that lady lol. RVs are such a pain in the ass too, it's like every car issue you could possibly have except make it 10x more likely to happen and throw in a sewage tank you have to empty all the time......a pregnancy on top of that and I might start plotting my husband's imminent death.

[nessinborderland]

Be Mine (04)

Pairing: Niragi x Reader / Chishiya x Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Omegaverse

Word Count: 3.5k

Summary: You were able to stay unbounded throughout your life. You didn’t want an Alpha; you didn’t need one. You would rather die than to give yourself to some random male. But the man that saved your life thinks differently.

Warnings: Alpha/Omega, Dubious Consent, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Finger fucking, Rough Sex, Rough Kissing, Unprotected Sex, Creampie, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Drama, Developing Relationship, Past Abuse, Scars, Death, Blood and Gore, Animal Death

Notes: Okay so, not much to say about this chapter. You'll find out why :) Please mind the new tags :) we don't want anyone getting triggered here. Fun fact: every time I write "x growled" I imagine Perry the platypus from Phineas and Ferb doing his signature growl lmao. Cracks me up every time :D

AO3 Link        Masterlist

Game, “Akazukin: Red Riding Hood.”

Everyone’s eyes are locked on the screen.

“Red Riding Hood has to run from the Big Bad Wolf while being protected by the Huntsman,” starts the robotic voice. “One person will be Red Riding Hood, while the others will be divided into two groups: the Big Bad Wolf and the Huntsman.”

“What the- “

“Clear conditions,” the voice continues, “Whoever manages to bring Red Riding Hood to the final checkpoint, wins. The time limit is thirty minutes. After thirty minutes, the losing group dies. If after thirty minutes no one is in possession of Red Riding Hood, both groups die. Is instant Game Over if Red Riding Hood dies or refuses to follow the rules.”

You were terrified of this tale as a child; you had nightmares of an actual wolf coming in the night and devouring you and your mom. Then you had grown up and realized how the tale could be interpreted as a warning to Omegas when it comes to Alphas and their manipulative nature. That hadn’t changed your opinion on the story.

The screen changes to white.

“Now for the groups,” says the voice once again, “Red Riding Hood- “

You gasp; it’s you. It’s a picture of you. You’re Red Riding Hood.

“Big Bad Wolf- “

Your eyes go wide again; Niragi and Chishiya.

“How unoriginal of them,” you hear Chishiya remark with a huff.

“The Huntsman-” and it shows the faces of everybody else in the game. There’s a pregnant pause where everyone just stares down at their phones as it dings.

“Rules,” reads the voice, “No outside weapons allowed. There are axes, as well as other useful weapons hidden throughout the area that are only to be used by the Huntsman. The Big Bad Wolf is not allowed to use any weapons besides the ones already in their possession.”

“What weapons?” you ask no one in specific as you look at Chishiya and Niragi.

They both raise their hands as Chishiya simply replies, “Claws.”

You make a surprised sound, “How are you supposed to protect yourselves like that!?”

They both look at you, and this time is Niragi that says, “I don’t know about this dog but I can do a lot with these.” You don’t fail to notice the threat in his voice as he looks down at Chishiya. The other man just huffs out a laugh.

“The game will commence in five minutes,” says the voice in a cheery tone, “Use that time wisely.”

A commotion erupts as everyone starts realizing what the game consists of. You can’t believe it yourself; you’re nothing more than a pawn in this game. Shouts of “We have to fight two Alphas to death?” and “We can do this, there’s a lot of us.” start all around you. Someone is crying. Some people just run into the dark. You ignore the loud voices around you and focus on your phone as it lights up.

If you stop running or hiding, it’s game over. If you show yourself to the Wolf, it’s game over. If you try to cheat in any way, game over. 

A hand on your shoulder makes you jump. Niragi is looking at you with that expression you hate; betrayal and pain. But now there's also serious determination.

"No matter what you do, you can't stop running," he says. "This seems way too easy for a Ten of Spades, so watch your back."

"What about you?" you ask, eager to cover his hand with yours.

"Oh, so now you worry about me?" he retorts with a bite to his words. You can't help but flinch when his hand drops to his side and his expression changes to a mean smirk. "I'll live so I can kill that motherfucker and make you regret the moment you fucked him." 

"Niragi I- " 

"Save it," he turns your back to you. "I don't wanna hear it." 

You see him walk away, approaching the two other militants that came with him. At least the imminent game made him pause his murder attempt. You take a glance at Chishiya, who is still focused on the screen. You wonder what is going through his head; if you know something about Chishiya is that he always catches details others don’t.

"You!" someone pushes you in the back, and you fall to your knees before you can balance yourself "Who the hell are you?”

Two different growls sound at the same time someone lunges themselves to whoever pushed you. You look up to see Chishiya in front of you in a protective stance. You take the hand he offers you and stand up to see Niragi, currently on the ground punching a man.

“Niragi stop!” you scream. He either ignores you or doesn’t hear you. No one else tries to stop it either; Chishiya simply because he doesn’t care, and everyone else out of fear. The man being beaten tries to fight back but is clearly at a disadvantage. You gasp when you see Niragi’s fingers take the shape of claws. You jump, grabbing his arm before he can slice the man right in the face. “Stop!”

Niragi looks back at you with yellow eyes, and you see as his hand takes a human form again. You pull him out of the crying and bleeding man on the ground. He doesn’t make any effort to stop you. His eyes are locked on you, still animal-like.

“You- you’re part of the game, aren’t you!?” coughs the man Niragi had punched. He sits down holding his nose, quickly dragging himself away from the other man. “You- you have to be!”

“E- Excuse me? you shakily ask in a confused tone. 

“You’re not even a player, you’re just part of the game!” the man continues, “Are you gonna tell me that is a coincidence that this game is the way it is?! All you have to do is follow some rules! You live either way!”

You shake your head, “I- I am not sure what you’re implying, but I have nothing to do with this!" you reply. You confess that yes, you think it’s a big coincidence you got the role you got, but you’re not involved. You had no idea.

The man takes a step in your direction, but Niragi puts himself in the way.

“Watch it,” he says in a commanding tone. “Remember who you’re talking to.” The man holds his stare for a moment, before looking down and taking a step back. Niragi turns to the rest of the group. “Whatever you shitheads are thinking, she’s not involved in any of this. So, unless you wanna die before the game even begins, I advise you to shut up and focus on the game.” The corner of his lips pull up in a smirk, and you see the glint of fangs. “May the best wolf win.”

He then turns to you and your eyes lock. You want to talk to him, explain how and why things happened the way they happened. But you can’t say anything, not when he steps closer with a look in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“You’re wasting time, go!” Niragi orders as he pushes you forward. You stumble a little as you start walking into the dark park. You look back at him and Chishiya, and you nod to each other; they will be able to find you. You’ll be alright. They will be alright.

You bolt into the night. You can barely see anything in the dark, except for the shadows that the moonlight helps casting. You just know you have to run, or you’re dead; they’re dead. The conversation from moments ago keeps playing in your head; could it be possible that this game was made specifically for you? But how would they know that the three of you would be in the same game? It sounded so far fetched; but also...possible.

Hunting horns blast through the air, making you jump and cover your ears at the awful sound. You know what it means.

Game Start.

You start hearing rustling and footsteps behind you as the other players soon follow in your steps; if to catch you or find a weapon, that you don't know. You keep running until you’re out of breath, stopping for just a few seconds behind a large tree. Your legs are shaking and your lungs are burning. The area around you is silent though, and that gives you some peace of mind. You close your eyes and sniff the air. Nothing. 

You’re about to start running again to look for an actual hiding place when a sound makes you freeze in your tracks.

A howl.

And not from a regular wolf. You recognize it instantly.

Never in your life had you heard a werewolf howl until now. After the war, an Alpha fully transforming very rarely happened. The ones that did only transformed in extreme situations, usually to protect a loved one. The regular individual would not transform not even once in his lifetime. And here you are, hearing two of them. It awakes something primitive in you, and every single hair on your body stands up in a shiver. You have an impulse to howl too, but control it at the last second; you’re not doing that. You’re not an animal, as much as the wolf inside you likes to prove you wrong.

You’re startled when a hand covers your mouth, something cold pressing against your neck. You try to move, but the blade nibs at your skin. So you stop, trying to control your breathing.

“Don’t you dare to make a sound.” whispers a male voice. “I’ll chop a finger for every sound you make.”

You give a trembling nod, letting yourself be dragged by the unknown man. He’s way taller and stronger than you, so you don’t even try to fight back. You notice he’s not alone. What seems to be two young girls walk behind you, whispering in agitated voices. 

“Kai, are you sure the checkpoint is this way?” asks one of the girls in a low tone.

The man grabbing you, Kai, shushes her and stops. You can hear him sniff the air, probably looking for signs of an Alpha close by. He suddenly pushes you against a nearby tree and locks eyes with you. You’re surprised to see that Kai is not much older than a highschool boy.

“Mira, press this against her neck,” he whispers to one of the girls. She approaches you, trembling hands holding the small ax against your skin. The boy stabilizes her grip before nodding, “Don’t let her move or make a sound,” he says looking into the girl’s eyes. “If you do and those Alphas hear us, we all die.”

If you’re honest with yourself, you would stay quiet either way; the last thing you want is the blood of those kids in your hands. You watch as Kai takes a map from his pocket, opening it and analyzing it for a few moments.

“If this map can be trusted I’m pretty sure the checkpoint is this house right here,” he points at a place on the map and then ahead on the path, “About three kilometers that way. We can do this.” he checks his phone. “C’mon, we only have about twenty minutes.”

You have been walking for a short moment when the smell hits you.

One of them is close; Niragi, you’re pretty sure. The others smell him too, and you notice in the dark as their eyes widen in a panic and they start running, pulling you with them. You can hear him as he gets closer, like a monster in the night. You try to ignore the exhilarating feeling that goes through you at being chased by him; it’s just like the first time you met.

One of the girls trips and falls right behind you. You flinch at hearing her screaming get louder until it abruptly stops. The other two kids hesitate before Kai stops, pushing you and the other girl to keep running. The girl, Mira, grabs your hand as you both run, and you can hear her crying.

A far away whimper of pain makes you stop in your tracks; one of the Alphas was injured.

“We have to go, please!” begs Mira as she pulls your hand, “Please, we have to-”

Mira’s words are cut short when she falls and you’re pulled down with her. You gasp in pain as you hit the ground, arm stretched into whatever hole the girl fell into. You hear a scream, then silence, as you hear a sound you can’t quite place. It’s dark and you’re not sure of your surroundings, but you could swear that hole on the ground wasn’t there seconds ago.

You’re about to ask if she is okay when the metallic smell of blood hits your nostrils. You squint in the dark, trying to see something in the black hole. The moonlight appears out of nowhere, and you can finally see. You gag when you notice the contorted body of the girl, now impaled in wood spikes. Her eyes are wide, mouth open in a permanent scream.

There are traps.

There are traps everywhere and you can’t see them.

You drag yourself away from the hole, feeling a panic attack start to form as you struggle to get air inside your lungs. You try to shake the image of the dead girl from your mind, shakily rising to your feet. Your phone gives an alarming beep, and you take a look at the screen to realize you have been in the same place for too long. You have to keep moving.

You shake the tears from your eyes and walk by the hole without a second look. 

A scream far behind you snaps you out of your stupor, and you immediately take off running again. You don’t want to think about what might be happening. Despite their numbers, you can’t imagine how Betas can ever win against two fully transformed Alphas.

You’re running through an open field now, surrounded by flowers that you can barely see. A noise to your left makes you look at the line of trees, but you can’t find the source of the sound. 

You’re so distracted that you don’t notice the open trap right in front of you.

You scream as the dented iron snaps around your ankle, pain sparking up your leg. You fall to the ground like a bag of potatoes, and immediately try to open the trap up. But you’re not strong enough, and the iron teeth just dig deeper into your skin. You control a sob as the pain and panic grow; you have to keep moving. You have to hide. A sound, now closer, makes you stop whimpering, and you hold your breath as you see them.

No, not Niragi and Chishiya.

No, not the Huntsman either.

Wolves. Real, wild, one hundred percent animal wolves. A pack of them. No more than twenty meters from you.

You stay still, hoping that they won’t take an interest in you.

But no. Of course that’s not what happens. 

You look around for something to defend yourself with, but you’re defenseless. Here you are, trapped, wounded, on the ground, and without any means of defending yourself. The wolves approach you slowly, like they know you have no means of escaping. They start surrounding you.

“Stay away!” you scream, shaking your arms in hope that the movement will scare them away. “Shoo!”

It does not.

One of the bigger wolves prepares himself to jump. You close your eyes with a sob, waiting for the moment they will tear you apart. 

He’s here.

You feel the air shift as a big dark form covers you. You’re now completely involved in his scent; cinnamon and wood. You keep your eyes closed and brace yourself. The air is filled with the sound of growls and whimpers and teeth ripping flesh. Something warm and wet splatters on you and you know it’s blood. A loud whimper of pain, a strange mix between a wolf and a human, makes you snap your eyes open.

In the moonlight, he’s huge. Terrifying. Beautiful. Bodies of wolves are on the ground. The survivors try to fight the much bigger werewolf. His fur is black as a raven’s feathers, thick and glossy and matted with blood. You can’t look away until he’s done.

Niragi is clearly tired and injured. Saliva drips from his open jaws as he takes labored breaths. He turns to you, and you notice one of his paws is practically mangled, a shine of white bone contrasting with the black fur. A big oozing laceration runs down one of his flanks, and you’re not sure if it was done by an axe or a wolf.

You snap out of your freezing state and make a move to go to him. You scream when the trap still around your ankle makes itself known. He’s on you in less than a second, hovering over you as his snout touches your leg lightly. You can’t resist the temptation to touch him, grabbing the fur of his neck and pressing your face against him.

You feel him when he suddenly changes back into a human, and your face is now pressed on his bare skin. You notice he’s naked, pale skin now almost fully covered in blood and dirt. A cut you haven’t noticed in his wolf form now clearly shows on his forehead, making blood run down his face like a waterfall.

“Niragi-” is all you manage to say. You want to cry, ask him if he’ll be okay. You panic again when you notice how much time you have left; probably not more than ten minutes. Niragi says nothing as he focuses on opening the trap with a grunt. You let out a cry of relief as the thing leaves your ankle. The wound bleeds profusely, so you take off your top, tying a makeshift bandage around the injury with the help of Niragi.

He finally looks you in the eyes as he helps you to your feet, supporting you against him.

“Y/N we-”

That’s all he manages to say.

The next moments happen so fast you can barely process it. 

An arrow comes flying out of nowhere, burying itself into Niragi’s chest. His eyes go wide as he looks at you, a surprised expression in his eyes. You watch him with an open mouth as his eyes turn to gold for a moment. Then he falls to the ground. Rough hands grab you and pull you. Someone is screaming; you realize later that it’s you. Other voices laugh and they sound...excited? Happy? You can’t understand why. You trash around in an effort to get free. Whoever grabbed you punches you right in the face. For a moment, all you see is black with sparks of white. You hear a faint, “We only have five minutes!”. No. Niragi and Chishiya have to find you. They promised. They can’t die. Then you’ll be alone again.

Someone screams again. Loud voices. People running all around you. You hit the ground with force enough to take the air out of your lungs. Someone tries to grab you again, but their grip disappears like they have been pulled away. Tears are streaming down your face, but you can’t open your eyes. You can’t stand up. You hear the familiar sound of a wolf growl.

Niragi? 

No; peppermint and rain. 

Then you feel something warm touching you. You feel soft fur under your skin. Then it’s like you’re flying. You grab onto whatever is moving under you out of instinct. You know you have to hold on tight. You try to focus, but it’s too much. 

Then nothing. Darkness. You’re not sure if you lost consciousness or not. A loud sound, similar to a siren, is what makes you open your eyes. You’re on the ground, stone cold under you as you try to sit up, covering your eyes from the sudden bright lights. 

A cheery tone comes from your pocket. You stare at the phone; Game clear.

You finally look around, and there he is.

A big white wolf. 

Not as big as Niragi, but still impressive. His white fur is covered in blood; if his or someone else’s, you can’t say. Your vision turves as you try to stand up and lose your balance. He catches you before you can fall, teeth gently grabbing your jacket. You stare at him in confusion; what the hell just happened? A spark of pain makes you look down at your ankle. Memories come rushing back.

You gasp. No. It can’t be.

“Chishiya, where’s Niragi?” you ask in a trembling voice. His cold eyes stare at you for a moment too long. You’re about to make a move to find Niragi yourself when the white wolf changes right in front of you. Like Niragi, the man is naked and mostly covered in blood. There’s a cut on his arm, still bleeding. A wave of concern runs over you, and you feel yourself panic even more. He sighs before his eyes lock on you.

“He’s dead.”

Next Chapter

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 24)

Hello, friends. The story is rapidly approaching an end. I imagine I'll only be posting for another couple weeks (maybe three at the most) before this essay draws to a close.

Last night we wrapped up the Time Travel Arc. Now we return to the larger parent arc, the Escape Arc. Mikan has made up her mind to escape the school with her mother, and although this breaks Natsume's heart, he'll do all he can to get her out safely without at all complaining. If she's leaving for good, then the only thing that matters to him for the next little bit is keeping her as safe as possible. After that, he's resigned himself to a lonely and imminent death... And then Mikan has an epiphany.

Chapter One Hundred Twenty-Four

They’re finally all back in the present. The room they left is now empty, and they wonder what happened. Undoubtedly the situation is more pressing than ever.

Mikan is concerned about everyone’s safety, but Natsume makes it clear that the priority is making sure she can make it out of the academy with her mother. If she’s going to leave, then he will do everything he can to make sure the process goes as smoothly and safely for her as possible. Her concerns about everyone else have no place here when everyone’s dreams and futures are threatened by the ESP if he ever gets his hands on Mikan’s alices. Besides, his happiness and safety always come dead last to him. He’d act and speak this way, even if it was only Mikan’s well-being on the line.

He will protect her no matter what happens, he says. That’s his priority. This is no different than the way he’s been living for the last year or so.

Yeah, there's the whole thing with the school and protecting the student body and stopping the ESP but Mikan is his priority always.

Everyone else agrees, and Mikan is outvoted. She comes first now.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Seven

Mikan and her friends run into a horde of students, either controlled by Luna’s alice or afraid that they’ll end up being controlled or punished. They all move to attack Mikan in particular, to capture her because maybe they’ll even be rewarded for it.

This is a mistake, because Natsume will not allow anything to happen to her. He uses his alice to fend off the students, but his fire takes a strange shape, unlike anything he’s ever made before. His ability to manipulate the shape better than ever is a result of the stone Mikan inserted into him, which Tsubasa theorizes is psychokinesis.

Ruka pleads with him to stop, concerned about Natsume’s health the more he uses his alice. He immediately stops on the behest of his best friend, but then he uses his new alice to pull everyone over closer to him. Mikan specifically flies into his arms, where he wanted her. He’s able to catch her, whereas the others land on their heads. Now that they’re safer, he tells her to teleport them.

Who cares where the rest of them land? They can deal with it on their own.

Tsubasa comments that this extra power makes Natsume feel like more of a man, more powerful. This isn’t a farfetched theory. We know how much Natsume wants to grow up, to have power. Now that he has this extra alice, he’s more useful than he already was, and that naturally translates into some extra confidence.

Another thing is that Natsume is putting his all into getting Mikan out safe. He’s willing to expend all his energy and alice in order to accomplish his goal. Adding on to that, he knows he won’t see her again after this. He can hold on for a little longer, but to survive the unknowable amount of years before he can see her again? Unlikely. He doubted he’d even be able to graduate, let alone be on standby for possibly a decade and maybe even more. He has no reason to believe he’ll make it. So he keeps her close now. He’ll be right by her side ‘til the very end, take advantage of every touch and interaction he can. So even if everyone else collapses onto the ground after he uses his extra alice, Mikan will land safely in his arms.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Nine

Natsume may have spared Nobara earlier, but he still doesn’t really trust her. She’s been acting weird this whole time and he’s suspicious. When they have a moment, he confronts her, warning her that if she sells them out to Persona, he won’t go easy on her. After all, to him, she’s still the girl who’s always been Persona’s little pet.

But Nobara doesn’t want to sell them out. She wants to stop Persona and her DA friends from hurting the cause and themselves. She wants to stop them so they don’t become a part of the fight.

She stands back so she doesn’t teleport again with the rest of them. She wants to do this for Mikan.

Mikan doesn’t understand. She’s concerned that she left Nobara behind, so she says she’ll go back to get her, but Natsume stops her. She needs to allow Nobara to make her own choice. Even if Mikan doesn’t get it, the only thing that matters is their original mission. Nothing will change that. He won’t be strayed from it, no matter what obstacles come their way. Nobara made the choice, and she’s the best person to confront the DA class. The rest of them should allow her to do as she wants.

They move forward, and Natsume keeps back when he feels his coughing fit coming on. Now that everything is dire, he definitely doesn’t want to slow things down by worrying people with his body. He worries that he won’t be able to properly protect Mikan, considering the shape he’s in, but he would never say that out loud.

Death creeps ever closer... Why isn't he ever concerned for himself?

Even more, Nobara stressed before she left that Natsume was the most important person to stay by Mikan's side, that he should protect her to the end. Though he wouldn't be so bold to say that about himself, he wants to stay 'til the end. But the fact that he might die at any moment doesn't reassure him. However, any insecurities or fears he has must stay in his mind. He wants to be strong for Mikan, to accomplish their goal and keep her safe. He’s pushed any and all feelings of his own out the window. All that matters is their goal.

He can die afterwards.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Four

Mikan needs to go to her mother. She and Ruka are to teleport to Yuka, since Ruka has the barrier alice and he can keep her safe. The rest of them are going to hold off the Fuukitai and other enemies. There’s really no time for heartfelt goodbyes. Natsume might never see Mikan again, but he turns away because there’s no time for anything else. He will fight off the enemies to keep her safe. That’s what he can do. Anything else will just waste precious time.

Except that Mikan has the telepathy alice now. She’s mostly kept it a secret, sharing it with Hotaru and nobody else.

Natsume can stay silent all he wants, but his heart and mind are racing with thoughts and feelings. She couldn’t ignore it if she wanted to. It’s not the time to be lollygagging. She has to get going, and everyone is urging her to move on and teleport with Ruka, but she’s hesitating.

And then Natsume hears it too. She’s saying it back, telepathically, that she loves him too.

Terrible timing, Mikan. You had all night to say it back! (joking)

It’s all he’s never allowed himself to want to hear. Something that would only happen in a delusional fantasy world. Mikan may care about him, to some degree, but he’d never expected she would love him back. She should love Ruka, who is kind and polite, or literally anybody else. He’s always had to push her away, and even if she saw through his insults to see what he really meant, he still wouldn’t be good enough. He can’t be with her, because his life is running out. He shouldn’t be with her, because all he will do is cause her more pain. He’ll never be with her, because he doesn’t deserve to be. He won’t be with her, because she’s running away with her mother and he’ll never see her again.

But she loves him too anyway.

Despite every insult and attempt to keep his distance. Despite their beginnings of mutual disdain. Despite how he’s said he hated everything about her, about how he wanted her out of his sight. Despite acting like she was a pest and nothing more than an annoyance. Despite everything he did, she somehow still loves him.

It’s the worst thing to ever happen to him, to stand there and hear her saying that in his mind and then watch her disappear forever.

He’s said it out loud only one time. He confessed with his kiss at Christmas, with his alice stone, with the borrowing race, with his speech to the ESP. He’s confessed with every time he got in front of her to protect her, with every cruel word forced out of him by the higher ups, with every smile he had just for her.

Now she finally said it back and it’s too late for anything. He can’t kiss her and show her how much he means it, how much it isn’t just hype over nothing. He can’t tell her he loves her to her face and with his whole chest. He can’t take her by the hand and run away with her. He can’t live happily ever after with her.

That was all okay before, when it was just him who was suffering. So his life would be lonely and short. Okay. Who cares? But now he knows she wants all that too.

He’s miserable. He calls out to her but it’s too late. She’s gone now and all he can do is fight the enemies who want to threaten her security.

Natsume has been left behind with Tono and Tsubasa to fight as hard as they can against the Fuukitai. When they finally get away for a moment, Tono tells them to fight for the girls they love. Tsubasa and Natsume both berate him for this, because who was he talking about? Tono argues it wasn’t about him; he was just trying to cheer the two up after they had to break apart from their girls.

Natsume is clearly in emotional turmoil, but he frequently is, so he doesn’t let it show a lot. He may threaten Tono with his alice or tease him with Tsubasa like all is normal, but it’s not. His current circumstances couldn’t be any worse unless Mikan were in danger, and he’s doing everything he can to keep that from happening.

Tono finally admits that he’s been nervous this whole time because Noda is probably the traitor among them, but Natsume realizes the truth: It’s Goshima.

Tsubasa and Tono are going to try and find Goshima, who has the key Yuka and Mikan need to escape. They also need someone to go and tell them that Goshima can’t be trusted, and Tono wants Natsume to do it.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Five

Tono is urging Natsume to go and tell Mikan about Goshima, to go protect her. Naturally, he doesn’t hesitate before taking off. Any excuse to see her again and keep her safe is enough for him.

Tsubasa doesn’t understand why Tono sent him off, though, since Natsume is in such bad shape. Having him run and exert himself further seems wrong.

I just want him to be happy. Is that really so much to ask?

Tono puts it all into perspective. It had to be Natsume. The kid was in a state of absolute misery, even knowing his love is requited and perhaps because of it. He can never see Mikan again. His life will end. The rest of them can talk about decades and decades into the future and still be sure that they will meet Mikan again, but it’s clear that Natsume won’t make it that far. As Tono puts it, it’s important that Natsume has a chance to see her for the last time, to say good-bye properly.

Natsume would go to her no matter what, too, and he does, running with all his might to find her, even though he’s coughing and his body is breaking.

He will use his alice and do anything he can to find her and tell her and keep her safe, and they finally meet again.

He’s standing over the bodies of enemies that he’s just defeated for her, and he finally has a chance to say the good-bye he thought he’d never get.

There are other things that need to be said, but he might not have a chance to say his feelings again if he doesn’t take the opportunity now. He’s sad, because no matter what, their story will end soon. But this is more than he could’ve asked for.

But all of the words that should come out of his mouth don’t. He doesn’t talk about the traitor. He doesn’t tell her he loves her to her face. He doesn’t say anything except her name. None of the feelings he has can be put into words. For the moment he’s speechless.

She is too. She rushes into his arms and they share a quick second of holding each other before they inevitably part forever. The fact that she hugs him might have reminded him that she loves him too. Then again, how could he forget? Either way, he finds the words that were lost to him before.

He’s going to stay with her until the very last second. He won’t leave her or part from her for even a moment again until they have to say good-bye for good.

No, they won't last. She'll leave and he'll die, but they have this moment, even if it's the only thing they'll ever have.

No, he doesn’t mention the traitor even though he was sent to. Natsume very rarely talks about his feelings, but they felt so important this time that he had to say them out loud.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Six

Even though Natsume didn’t say it to Mikan, Shiki got the information from him via telepathy and then conveyed the information to Yuka.

Now that Yuka and Mikan are reunited, they can all go to see them off, fighting Fuukitai and Luna along the way. Narumi and Mikan are trapped in an enemy’s ice alice for a moment, until Natsume melts the ice and takes Mikan’s hand. He wasn’t joking about staying by her side until the very end.

Until the very last moment.

Sure, she needed to reunite with her mother and Narumi, but they’ll be spending forever with her after this night. He only has these next few minutes. He’ll be the one to take her by the hand until he has no choice but to let go. Until then, he will stay by her side.

Lucky for them, Yuka’s plan to wait until the last moment for the key so they can leave with Naru panned out. “Tsubasa” arrives with the key and hands it off. There’s no time to waste; Yuka rushes to open the warp-hole but all that comes from it is an explosion.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Seven

Yuka and Narumi were caught in the blast. Yuka shielded Narumi with her body and took the brunt of the hit. She’s now in critical condition.

No hesitation. That's his only keepsake from his mother, his only reprieve from endless pain, but he'll give it Yuka because he can't not give it to her.

Natsume doesn’t hesitate, and he gives Mikan the healing alice stone that his mother got from Yuka. Yuka is Mikan’s mother. Her death would be crushing for Mikan, who’s already had to face so much trauma from watching her father die too. This all was about getting Mikan and Yuka out safely, and all that effort would be in vain if Yuka dies. And after Natsume has seen everything that happened in the past, he respects Yuka too. All Yuka has ever done is suffer, just like he has. To simply die after all that--he doesn’t want that either. Yuka gave his mother that alice stone, something that brought him a little reprieve whenever he had a coughing fit or felt ill. The least he can do now is give it back.

But it doesn’t work. It’s not enough. Yuka has enough time before her death to hug Mikan and apologize to Luna, but then her heart stops.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Eight

The ESP arrives to break the period of mourning. Luna can’t believe that he would orchestrate this, but it’s not much of a surprise to anyone else. The “Tsubasa” decoy reveals himself to be Goshima, who holds Mikan by the wrists. The ESP only needed one person with the stealing alice. Yuka had become extendable, so he eliminated her.

Goshima goes to surrender Mikan to the ESP, but she fights, and Natsume moves to fight too, because that’s his girlfriend and he promised he would keep her safe. But the ESP always has the barrier alice cast on him, always protected, even from Natsume’s strong alice. Even Natsume can’t help Mikan now.

But Shiki breaks the ESP’s barrier and Mikan rushes to her friends’ side.

Z is invading the school and threatening to take the students captive. The MSP needs her successor, Shiki to be appointed so that he can protect the school with his barrier alice. The ESP is in a bind. Shiki can either run away with Mikan as Yuka had intended to, or he will agree to stay and act as the MSP to protect the school.

Conclusion

God this arc is a mess when all you want are the NM moments. How dare they be so scattered! Anyways, Natsume now knows that Mikan loves him too, romantically, but everything has been upside down for a while, specifically tonight, so the future doesn't look bright. In the next part, we'll talk about how Natsume feels about being separated from Mikan when she's locked away.

Sorry this is late. I'm not in a fantastic mood today which affected my motivation. I shoved a bunch of content in here and it might be too much. I don't know. There wasn't a clear way I could cut it into multiple parts without them being choppy and short as hell. I just wanted to get to the next part because this arc was stressing me out.

In any case, I feel like crap right now emotionally, because this day was very draining. I'll try to post tomorrow at a reasonable time. Thank you for reading.

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[robininthelabyrinth]

Toxicity - ao3

- part 3 -

It was not too long after Lan Wangji’s visit – a month or two, no more, and in the timescale of war that was very short indeed – that Lan Xichen finally returned to his side.

Nie Mingjue gathered his courage. “Did you speak with your uncle?” he asked, reaching out to take Lan Xichen’s hand in his.

“I did,” Lan Xichen said, and his eyes were bright as stars. “You want to marry me, Mingjue-xiong? You haven’t even kissed me.”

“I do. I do want to marry you,” Nie Mingjue said, taking the question seriously even though it had been made in jest. “I am not asking for your agreement right now, but I would not begin the process of courting you without making clear my intentions.”

Lan Xichen softened, smiling. “Righteous and unyielding, straightforward and upright,” he murmured and reached out with his free hand to tuck some of Nie Mingjue’s hair that had fallen loose back behind his ear. Nie Mingjue might be sick and tired of that particular phrase, but he would hear it a thousand times from Lan Xichen’s lips. “Oh, da-ge, you really are always the same.”

Nie Mingjue shivered a little at the familiar, intimate term of address. “May I kiss you?” he asked, and watched as Lan Xichen’s smile grew wider still.

“You may,” Lan Xichen said. “If I may kiss you as well.”

Nie Mingjue tried to find a way to tell Lan Xichen about his upcoming fate, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, not when Lan Xichen smiled at him so happily. The most he could do was remind him that their love had an expiration date, that it was better to marry and be done with it.

Lan Xichen refused, though. He said that he enjoyed their courtship, that he wanted the entirety of the experience for them both: the memories made together, the anticipation, the joy, and that they would wed when the war was over, in full view of both their families.

Nie Mingjue wanted that more than anything, and so he agreed…although in some respects, in his heart, he considered them already wed.

He did not intentionally keep his new relationship with Xichen a secret from his men – if he had not been so determined to treat Lan Xichen as he ought to be treated, with respect and honor, and feared the threat of distraction in the midst of battle, he would have shouted out the news of their engagement in the middle of the war camp. And yet he was also by nature a private man, inclined to be possessive of the few joys he had, and so while he did not hide it, he also did not go out of his way to mention it. It was already common for him to spend time cloistered with his guests, no matter who they were; in that way, Lan Xichen’s visits were no different from the rest, except in that Nie Mingjue enjoyed them far more.

It was not until months later that his camp discovered that their leader was courting, and naturally they discovered it in the most awkward manner possible: news coming of an imminent surprise attack at dawn that required Nie Zonghui to rush over to alert his sect leader without warning and thus finding him curled up in his lover’s arms.

“Can I help?” Lan Xichen asked as Nie Mingjue prepared himself for war, glaring at Nie Zonghui’s wide grin – the man has a fondness for gossip, and there would be no stopping him. “With the battle?”

“You may do whatever you wish,” Nie Mingjue said, leaning down to steal a kiss. “I trust you completely in all things, and not least of all your excellent cultivation. The attack is two-pronged – would you go the western front, while I take the east? We can meet in the middle. Take as many of my Nie cultivators as you think you might need.”

“No need,” Lan Xichen said. “There are a number of Lan cultivators in your camp, and the western side of the camp is guarded by a mountain ridge – we can ambush them there with musical cultivation and drive them running straight into the camp without their swords.”

Nie Mingjue nodded. “Nie Zonghui, you take command of the camp and half our cultivators,” he instructed. “When the Wen sect comes running towards you in their confusion, cut them off.”

Nie Zonghui saluted, humor gone from his face – postponed, not forgotten – and the three of them left.

Nie Mingjue hoped only to repulse the attack, but it ended as a complete rout, total victory, through factors neither side could predict: it turned out that the western ridge was housing one of the dragons that sometimes passed through the cultivation world, a celestial dragon in blue and white, and it took offense to the Wen attack, demolishing their ranks with fang and claw and song-magic that deafened the ear.

(Nie Mingjue wondered briefly if it was the same celestial dragon that had cursed him all those years ago.)

In the end, there was very little more than clean-up left over, with Lan Xichen leading his Lan cultivators to drive the remaining Wen sect cultivators into the waiting arms of Nie Zonghui’s forces, and most of them surrendered at once rather than risk being sent back to face the dragon’s wrath. With that battle concluded and the western front secured, Nie Zonghui and Lan Xichen were able to rush to Nie Mingjue’s side, providing timely reinforcement, and the eastern front was won as well.

Lan Xichen was totally uninjured and barely even winded, but Nie Mingjue kissed him out of joy in seeing him well nonetheless, heedless of the blood and muck on him, and after that, of course, everyone knew.

“Go talk to Nie Huaisang,” Nie Mingjue told Lan Xichen after that, ignoring the way he raised his eyebrows. “There are things you need to know, things I’ve been dragging my feet about telling you…I’ve tried time and time again to say, and each time the words stick in my throat. But he knows. He knows, and he’ll be able to tell you.”

“I will go,” Lan Xichen said, although he looked a little puzzled. “Whatever it is, though, we’ll face it together.”

“We will,” Nie Mingjue agreed. “Now go, let my brother pester you about wedding plans. He has ideas.”

Laughing, Lan Xichen left, and Nie Mingjue turned back to the business of war: planning out battles, considering strategy, securing their supply lines, communicating with allies and spies alike.

The next missive he received from Meng Yao told him to go to Yangquan.

Meng Yao’s information had been excellent up to that point, and Nie Mingjue had no reason to doubt him. The maps he sent, along with information about the enemies’ movements, had helped Nie Mingjue win battles and minimize casualties, and he thought to himself that he would be forever indebted to his former deputy for the sacrifice he had made in going to obtain it, for surely Wen Ruohan would not be a kind master.

And yet, when he went to Yangquan with only a small party – any more, Meng Yao had warned, and he might be noticed, when the goal here was to strike quickly and retreat quicker – he found himself unexpectedly outnumbered, surrounded and overpowered: Wen Ruohan himself had come to inspect the site, and he had brought his strongest guards with him.

Nie Mingjue was taken prisoner.

Tied in chains and dragged to the Nightless City behind Wen Ruohan’s carriage, choking on dust and beaten like a dog by any Wen cultivator who passed by, Nie Mingjue’s only thought was that he would die before he went mad, and he found some small measure of relief in that.

He regretted it, of course – he regretted not marrying Lan Xichen, not insisting, though he knew war was no time for it; he regretted not having seen his brother more, though he knew the battlefield was no place for him. He regretted that his death was likely to be gruesome and painful, given Wen Ruohan’s usual proclivities, and that his loved ones would know that.

But at least, he comforted himself, he hadn’t gone insane, turning against all he held dear. That fate he had spent his whole life fearing, it seemed, would not be his.

With that thought in mind, he was able to go with some sense of peace to the throne room of the Nightless City, but when he got there everything seemed – not as he had expected.

Wen Ruohan was standing, for one thing, and he seemed almost nervous, looking Nie Mingjue over to confirm that he was still alive, muttering to himself that there weren’t too many marks, that he was still mostly intact, that he shouldn’t be too angry –

“He?” Nie Mingjue asked, entirely at a loss. He was chained and bound, on his knees in front of his enemy, the man who had killed his father and whose son he had killed in turn; the situation ought to be clear and yet he was more confused than ever. “Who are you talking about?”

“Me, I expect,” Meng Yao said, walking through the door arrogantly, as if the Fire Palace belonged to him instead of Wen Ruohan. “Ah, da-ge, as usual I seem to have underestimated you.”

Nie Mingjue blinked at him, surprised – Meng Yao had never used such an intimate term of address for him, though he would have permitted it if the other man had ever shown any interest.

Meng Yao saw his expression and laughed.

“Or perhaps not,” he said, and the smile on his face was pleasant as always, and yet there was cruelty in it. “So er-ge hasn’t told you yet, has he? No, of course, he wouldn’t; he’d think he was being noble, protecting you from your own past.”

“I don’t understand,” Nie Mingjue said, his eyes darting to Wen Ruohan – but that proud man was on his knees, willingly showing reverence, and to Meng Yao of all people. “Meng Yao –”

“Jin Guangyao, actually,” Meng Yao said. “‘Meng’ was my miserable mother’s surname, for all the good it did her…I did tell you that my bloodline was the Jin.”

“You were acknowledged? Jin Guangshan –”

Meng Yao laughed. “Oh, da-ge, da-ge, still so confused! You never did understand anything. I really don’t understand why er-ge was so desperate to bring you back – he slept for over a decade after putting your soul into your mother’s belly, did you know that? A decade! We may be ancient, but time is still precious, and he wasted so much of it on you...oh, you stupid fool. You still don’t understand, do you?”

Nie Mingjue didn’t understand anything.

“Perhaps a visual demonstration would be best,” Meng Yao – Jin Guangyao, apparently – said, and the air around him shimmered as if he were a mirage induced by heatstroke.

A moment later, there was no Meng Yao, no Jin Guangyao, no human standing there, but instead the massive coils of a yellow-bellied flood dragon draped themselves around the throne of the Wen sect.

Nie Mingjue stared up at him.

“Now do you see?” Jin Guangyao hissed at him, eyes glittering. “Do you know now, what you have cost me?”

“How – you’re…you’re a dragon!”

“And not just me,” Jin Guangyao said. “Your beloved Lan Xichen is, too: my beloved er-ge, my sworn brother, and yours, too.  It was the three of us together – we were all brothers once, long ago, before you died…I never understood. Why does er-ge love you so much that he would hurt himself to retrieve your soul and give you new life? Enough to lower himself into the filth of humanity, to forget his former self, to learn to love you from the beginning as if you were a brand-new person – why? What’s so interesting about you? You’re the most boring person I’ve ever met. A righteous prig, and a fool.”

“You – Lan Xichen –” Nie Mingjue stuttered, still staring, disbelieving. “My parents – the curse –”

Jin Guangyao laughed.

“I always planned to tell you before the end, you know, da-ge. I wanted you to know,” he said conversationally. “I wanted you to know it was your fault that your parents died. Lan Xichen, my er-ge…he kept your soul after it should have passed into the wheel of reincarnation, and when your human parents came to beg for a child, he gave you the body he thought you deserved, taking years off his own life to do it – and when he had slept, that was when I came in, gifting you with my poison, the only thing you ever deserved to get from me. I infused it in your mother and father both just to make sure it got to you; if it wasn’t for you, they might have lived long and happy lives. And they thanked me for it!”

Nie Mingjue felt numb. “You killed them to get to me? I wasn’t – I hadn’t even been born!”

“Your soul is still your soul, da-ge, no matter the quirks of personality you developed through your upbringing,” Jin Guangyao said dismissively. “If you weren’t, er-ge wouldn’t have fallen in love with you all over again, would he?”

Lan Xichen was the celestial dragon, Nie Mingjue thought, just as Jin Guangyao, who he had once thought was called Meng Yao, was the flood dragon. Except his parents had been deceived: there was no price for him to pay for his birth, for his strength and cultivation talent, for Lan Xichen had willingly shouldered that debt. Instead, the poison Jin Guangyao had claimed would help them minimize the cost, making him suffer only one year in eight, was actually the source of all his ills – without it, he might have not had to suffer at all.

“Your parents must have made your childhood a misery, training you up to be tough enough to live through your first tribulation,” Jin Guangyao said dreamily. “And then you must have lived the rest of your life in fear, fear and distance, allowing no one to be close to you – I knew you’d hate the idea of turning on everyone you loved most of all. You even tried to turn Xichen down! You’ll never know how much I laughed when he told me about it: he thought you meant that you expected your mortal life to be short, you know, or perhaps that it was an early death due to war that you feared.”

Anger came easily to Nie Mingjue, an old companion.

“Well, if your goal was to separate me from Xichen, you failed,” he said. “He’s agreed to marry me.”

Jin Guangyao’s smile turned into a scowl at once, and his tail lashed out, smashing the pillars and walls of the Fire Palace – no wonder Wen Ruohan was on his knees, shaking in terror; there was no way a human could fight a dragon of such strength.

“How dare you?” he hissed. “How dare you even think of tainting him once again?”

“How dare you?” Nie Mingjue shouted back, ignoring the look of panic on Wen Ruohan’s face. He had already accepted that his death would come to him here, today, a slow and gruesome demise before he’d ever reached thirty; Jin Guangyao could do nothing to him than he had not already anticipated happening at Wen Ruohan’s hands. “You claim to love Xichen, and yet by your own words you went behind his back to sabotage what he tried so hard to do! For all your talk about the filth of the human world, you’re the one who crawled through the muck, all lies and deceit, writhing in it like the pathetic worm that you are –”

Jin Guangyao smashed walls in his rage, and yet he calmed too quickly: that pleasant smile re-emerged on his face, and he reached out to catch Nie Mingjue’s head with his claws, the long, scaly claws sliding through his hair, closing around him to rest the tips on his face, pricking his flesh.

“Always so judgmental, da-ge,” he said. “Always so quick to look down on me for not living up to your expectations. Perhaps that’s the heart of you, the part of you that you keep in every life – you were just the same when you were the great azure dragon, the mightiest of us all even if er-ge was of nobler birth. And yet, even in that past life, your strength, your might, none of that helped you, did it?”

He brought his face close to Nie Mingjue’s, the dragon’s head the size of half his body, the longest of his fangs extending the length of his hand, from fingertip to the base of the palm, his long and serpentine tongue extending to lick at his cheek and lips in vile mockery of the kiss of brotherhood.

“Let me tell you a secret, da-ge,” he whispered into his ears, the latent poison on his breath making Nie Mingjue struggle to breathe even though Jin Guangyao wasn’t yet actively trying to hurt him. “In your last life? It was me who killed you then, too. I poured my poison into the song you got from er-ge, the one you so treasured. The more you played it, the more it would hurt you; the greater your love for him was, the quicker your death would come…you died within the year, da-ge, screaming in agony, blind and deaf, your powerful body rotting away beneath you, and you never knew why.”

“You’re disgusting,” Nie Mingjue said, and Jin Guangyao forced his head back, his sharp claws digging in enough to cause small rivulets of blood to start dripping down his face. “Are you jealous? Is that it? That he sees you as his brother and nothing more, even once I was dead? Or was it some other petty dispute that made you feel the need to smile to my face while stabbing me in the back, to persecute me not only in one lifetime, but the next?”

“Perhaps it’s only that I enjoy watching you suffer,” Jin Guangyao said, and his smile was as chillingly pleasant as it had been the entire time Nie Mingjue had known him, the same calm collected smile Meng Yao used to deal with everything. The same smile he’d given Nie Mingjue’s parents as he poisoned them, no doubt. “Did you think that you had escaped the fate I planned for you by coming here? It’s my poison that causes your agony, da-ge, your agony and your insanity, and I carry it with me everywhere – I’ll pour my poison into your belly until you lose your mind and turn into a mindless beast just like you’ve always feared.”

His smile widened.

“And then poor Meng Yao, who doesn’t know better, will rescue you and take you home. Home to your brother who will run to greet you, to your sect that will not want to fight back against you, to your lover who will have no choice but to put you down for your own good…I wonder how many of them you’ll take with you before er-ge has to eradicate you with his own hands? For good, this time.”

“Don’t pretend to care,” Nie Mingjue said, even as his heart froze in fear within his chest. His arms were chained to his side, the pressure of the massive claw around the back of his head irresistibly keeping him kneeling, keeping him from moving. “You miserable, pathetic little – son of a whore!”

It wasn’t one of the insults he generally favored, but for some reason it rose to his tongue now, and it seemed to strike true for Jin Guangyao in a way he wouldn’t have expected it to: he reared back his head a little, glaring down at him, but it was only another moment or two before his eyes narrowed and the pleasant smile returned.

“Good-bye, da-ge,” Jin Guangyao said. “Perhaps you’ll have better luck in your next life.”

And then he pressed his heavy head to Nie Mingjue’s, that long serpentine tongue forcing its way into Nie Mingjue’s mouth and down his throat, choking him on it, choking him on the fumes and acid that came with it, poisonous and searing the back of his throat, and then there was that familiar pain that he remembered from his eighth birthday, his sixteenth, his twenty fourth – the eight-year pain that he had feared ever since he knew what it meant, what it foretold.

Pointless pain. The grudge of another lifetime, carried over into this one, and for what?

For nothing.

[mcbride]

TWD S11 Predictions - Carol/Daryl focused

disclaimer: i don't know anything. i have no sources. just my predictions, thoughts and wishful thinking based on filming tracking, intuition, some theories, images from the teaser/promo trailers and more wishful thinking!

solely focused on Carol and Daryl's storylines, cause apparently that's all my heart cares about anymore! as a wise person once said (Espy, my positive fairy! if you're reading this, ilysm), our baes need to be dealing with their own issues and demons, separately, while getting some closure with other people, so they can finally move forward together.

so i don't expect many actual caryl scenes in part 1 of s11, but i fully expect them to keep each other in mind, and even make some decisions based on a future they wanna have together even before they resolve the awkward tension between them atm.

imo the perfect caryl arc in 11a would include a lot of emotional encounters, drama, disappearances, fake deaths, torture, tragedy, dog, closure and make up and make out... after the jump....

it appears that Carol and Daryl will be involved in different missions at the start of the season - he will head out with Maggie's group to search for food when they are caught up in a storm and have to hide out in the subway tunnels; while i presume she stays back to defend and help clean up ASZ or goes on her own mission with Kelly and Magna.

Carol, Kelly and Magna end up stumbling upon Connie's journal, a symbol of hope for all of them. they might even decide to search the area for any more signs of Connie. i really want Carol herself to find Connie and bring her back to Kelly. and not cause Carol is a hero who saved Connie, nooooooo cause Connie can save her own self. she is strong, not a damsel in distress. she went through hell but she made it back. i think we will see Connie and what she has been through, however, i don't believe she will reunite with anyone from team family before the MSF (11x08) or even MSP (11x09). no idea who she and Virgil are running from in the trailer - it could either be a whisperer, a stray reaper or just some crazy random motherf*cker they run into.

while Maggie's group are in the tunnels, dog runs off and Daryl goes to search for him, never making it back to the group for some reason. after the storm is over, Maggie and the group search for Daryl but not having been able to find him (?) they just assume he is gone, possibly dead? i don't know why Maggie would give up so easily searching for family, but it seems like her current MO to just leave people behind.

along the way, Carol and Magna will find common ground and actually become besties cause she desperately needs some female friends. please and thank you. they can bond over the hope to find Connie alive and well, or the fact, both of them are currently in a very awkward position with their boos while having no idea where the heck they are.

Daryl probably got separated from the group while escaping a small herd in the tunnels (cue to Daryl's face covered in blood in the woods) and when he finally finds dog, he comes face to face with a masked reaper formerly known to him as Leah. he is shocked to learn she's part of the group that targeted Maggie. Leah is probably bitter Daryl chose his family instead of her a few years ago cause she has no idea he came back for her... so she and her friends take (willingly or not!) Daryl prisoner... possibly torture him and play mind games to gather information on team family.

in the sdcc trailer, there are some very heartbreaking scenes with Carol (and Aaron?), i cannot wait for it. i know it's gonna make me cry so hard and i've been needing Carol/Aaron friendship for years. at the same time, i expect Carol to also have some badass fighting scenes with her daughter-in-law and new bestie, Lydia, and tia Rosita! YES girl power!! people need Carol and she's totally there for them.

Aaron seems to be in a bad place emotionally (possibly something happened to Gracie, or just the fact they lost a lot of people in the whisperers war!) and Carol will be there to urge him not to make the same mistakes she did. hopefully, these 2 can join forces and come up with a masterplan to defeat the reapers.

Daryl being Daryl who always wants to save people even from themselves, tries to convince Leah to change sides, join team family, or convince her own family to leave his family alone. he's unsuccessful and when Daryl tries to escape, setting the whole place on fire and killing a few men on his way out of the reapers compound, Leah threatens to harm dog. cause why not? she obvi loves nothing or no one! they take Daryl back to another cell, and dog manages to escape.

meanwhile, Maggie's group returns to ASZ, where they tell Carol they believe Daryl is lost or dead. please give me all the angst that comes with Carol thinking she may have lost Daryl forever! she has been pretty committed to the group and rebuilding their home, but i believe her first instinct will be to run, to leave... TO FIND DARYL!!! cause no way in hell would Carol just accept he's gone unless she sees it with her own eyes.

WELL in true 'if you can't beat them, then join them' fashion, after a few brainwashing sessions with Leah, Daryl tells her all about the note (FIND ME) he left for her at the cabin, how he knows he made the wrong decision then, declares his loyalty to her and joins the reapers...

dog arrives at ASZ just as Carol is about to leave to search for Daryl. good boy always comes back home to mama and together they will find and save dada. (bear with me! from now on i'll be totally running wild with my wishful thinking... it will pretty much read like some fanfic plot!)

Daryl keeps trying to fit in with the reapers group, but he's only taking a page from Carol's undercover book - fake it till you make it + destroy them from the inside. what he doesn't know is that Leah and her new/old bf (Pope!?) have been planning an attack on ASZ behind his back. they simply let him know, this is his chance to prove himself to the reapers. he has to go along with the plan (or DIE!), but he hopes to be Alexandrians' inside man, helping them protect their family at all costs (ironically, exactly what Negan did when he joined the whisperers and they attacked Hilltop... just not the same motivation! i guess Carol wasn't so wrong about Negan after all!)

at night, Daryl puts on his reaper costume and they head to ASZ. reapers learned the location of the place by tracking dog. the plan was much bigger and more explosive than Daryl expected, the reapers destroy a big part of ASZ brand new rebuilt wall and set fire to a bunch of houses and the mill before Daryl can even react.

Alexandrians and reapers fight as Daryl sneaks out to lead the kids to safety. he finds Maggie, asks for Carol, and is glad she is out there looking for him, relatively safe, rather than around to fight and watch ASZ fall.

while out looking for Daryl, Carol hears the explosions, sees the fire and she and dog return to ASZ as fast as they can. they are greeted by Leah at what used to be front gate...

i realize this is getting extremely long, so i'll just say that i absolutely don't want Carol to have anything to do with Leah's possible imminent death. i don't want that guilt on her conscience, and i don't want her to feel like Leah is just another person she took from Daryl (like Connie!). i don't even want Leah to die! unless she's trying to hurt or kill Daryl.

somehow i think it would be a good twist, if for a quick second Carol thought Daryl had betrayed them and joined the reapers for Leah. of course, Carol knows better. SHE KNOWS DARYL. he would never, but for a brief panicked moment, it would be good to see her react to that. i can only imagine the pain in her eyes. but she also trusts Daryl with her life.

we have no idea what Leah knows about Carol, but i'd like the pocketknife Daryl regifted to come back. how would Leah react? likely angry to see another woman with something that was hers. i want to believe Daryl would never tell Leah anything about Carol because she is just too important and too personal to share. but maybe Leah can tell there was someone else !? who knows.

i just want it to be completely clear Daryl is done with that part of his past. Daryl is not alone and lost in the woods anymore without his brother Rick and his bestie Carol. ever since Carol brought him back, Daryl has acted like he knows exactly what he wants and he's done playing games. and what he wants is not Leah or Connie. he wants for ALL his family to be safe and happy, and he wants to run away with Carol and see the world. AND i want both Carol and Daryl to feel free to be free and live freely.

as for the make up and make out part... (that's saved for 11b, hopefully!)

team family won, most of the reapers are dead, except for Leah. Daryl (with Carol's nod of approval!) decides to spare her, gives her some supplies and tells her to get lost. at the same time, Eugene arrives with the troopers from CommonWealth to help with the whisperer war. WHOOPS. 2 wars, 2 late, bruh! but the group leaves to join the good people at CW.

Carol and Daryl have a very long conversation about everything that happened and what they have been feeling. Daryl telling her exactly why he was so mad at her (she kept leaving, can't commit!), her actions (almost getting herself killed!) since Henry's death and how he needs her in his life. no matter how she sees herself or whether she thinks she's worthy or not, he just wants her to be there next to him for whatever is to come.

plus Carol realizing she needed to get closer and let people in without fear, not give up hope and actually fight for a better future for herself. and finally, admitting to Daryl that it was horrible to think he might've been gone forever, promising to never make him feel the way she felt. basically, a promise to never ever leave him again (cue to making out!)