#faced with losing the love of his life and becoming a single father was probably terrifying possibly just as much as if it'd happened fast

[the-suns-beloved]

sometimes I have thoughts about niccolo....

[bitter-panacea]

About Goultard's Dissociative Identity Disorder

This post is a collection of thoughts, analysis, wild extrapolating, reading too much into small details, and pure speculation. Please forgive how messy this is, this whole post might be uncomprehensible.

Some things Goultard says about the system

- he created it to make immortality bearable

I truly dont believe he means he consciously created his alters. He can hardly control them. They were a creation of his mind as a means of coping with / surviving the various traumas he faced throughout his life.

- it's a curse given by his father

Either the "curse" he speaks of is immortality itself, or he holds his father and god responsible for what he's had to go through (without him ever protecting or saving him)

The Alters

Goultard : Apparently Normal Part, Host. He's aware of the system. But sometimes partially forgets about it and how it functions.

I assume he has pretty unreliable memory. Sometimes forgets where he is, how he got there, what he was supposed to do, he can forget about things that happened or that he did etc...

Classic dissociation + can enter a kind of hibernation/complete dormancy and sleep for weeks, months, years, when needed or out of boredom.

Vlad : Emotional Part. Formerly unaware of the system, now aware of it (or at least aware of goultard being the host) embodies anger, exteriorizes unresolved rage and resentment by violently lashing out until the body has calmed down.

Somewhat naturally takes a protective role without really meaning to, taking control when certain emotions become too much to bear for the host, redirecting the violence outward instead of inwards.

First fronting triggered by Algathe's death.

Vald : Between Fragment and Apparently Normal Part. Not aware of the system. Too little experience and time fronting to pass as a fully formed individual (but people usually assume he's just stupid). In a way, his role IS to be too stupid to feel sadness, or anything much. But could develop into a real ANP if given the chance.

Born out of a desire for numbness. Possibly related to missing the crimson dofus after it was taken away from the system?? The whole system seems very attached to the crimson dofus, yearning for its warmth, letting its power consume them from the inside out.

How they form

Vlad and Vald didnt suddenly appear because of a single event each triggering them into existence. Rather they formed slowly and over extended periods of time from more or less specific needs, locked away in the confines of the mind before being awakened and forced to front by a triggering event causing a switch.

The underlying cause of the disorder being the hundreds of years spent inhabitated by a symbiotic shushu, manipulating his emotions and sense of self, slowly fracturing it over time.

Other Alters ?

There could potentially be more alters staying in hiding, unbeknownst to Goultard (and the rest of the system)

The differences between the way goultard acts in dofus and in wakfu, specifically emotionally, could imply a split happened between dofus and wakfu. A new identity that hasnt fronted yet would have taken these aspects that the host no longer has.

Most probably caused by losing arty, goultard's love for him was what freed him from the demon after all.

Goultard now hides in order to cry, when he used to feel no shame crying nuzzled in Arty's arms.

This would have been exacerbated by Goultard being put into a role of mentor and caregiver to Tristepin, worsening his emotional repression (that a new emotional part could have formed to embody instead).

Tristepin being the reincarnation of his father, whom he has conflicted feelings about, and having his children brutally murdered in the past, explain why he'd want/need to keep him at a distance, wanting him to not think of him as family, only as his mentor/master.

Edit : I forgot to mention his habit of self-isolation, just imagine I did

[tloubraininfection]

There is something about Joel, but especially about Pedro Pascal`s portrayal of Joel, that feels so fragile. Sure he`s a tough guy, we know he`s done horrible things, he knows how to survive and what a cost of survival is. Yet, there are those moments, when his face softens almost imperceptibly and you can see the pain of his loss clear and fresh as if it happened yesterday. He moves on quickly, but no matter how much posturing he does, there is no way to hide the fact that at his core he is a father, a protector and a deeply loving man.

There is a quote from Fleabag that has stuck with me for a long time (minor spoilers for Fleabag season 2, I guess?). In season 2 Fleabag talks about her late mom and she says to her friend: “I don’t know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don’t know where to put it now.” It makes me think about Joel. We know that he had Sarah when he was only 22, there are also clues that Sarah`s mom left their family picture pretty early on. Yet, I think he`s settled into parenting with ease, it came naturally to him and he was really good at it. Life must have been very difficult at the beginning, being a young single father, working to support himself and his tiny daughter, he must`ve struggled a lot! But being a dad? Loving Sarah? That was always the easy part.

Sarah was Joel`s whole world and he was ready to love his daughter thought 10 of her lifetimes. He wanted to love her though high school and college. He wanted to love her as she grew into a young women finding her place in life, love her as she got her first job and walked down the aisle. He was ready for that love to multiply as he became grandpa Joel. And one day in far future, when he was no longer there, he`d leave her with a legacy of that love, a gift that she could keep and share and build upon.

Instead that love became a shroud.

In that moment time stopped for Joel. He adapted and did whatever he had to do to survive, but he was no longer interested in anything else. Living was for that time from before, living was with Sarah. And I think he would`ve carried on like that until he met his fate one way or another. Instead, by a stupid twist of fate, he ended up with a kid in his care. And he hated it, he wanted no part of it, because he knew. Some part of him knew from the very beginning. So he did his best to treat her like cargo and keep his distance, but she got under his skin and fast. There was something about this loudmouth, swearing, pun-loving energetic kid, this singularity of a person. She could see right through him and that terrified him. He tried so hard not to care, to run away from that connection, but when she asked him to stay, becasue with him she felt safe, he couldn’t help it. It happened despite of himself, despite all the conflict, panic and fear. It was hard and they`ve struggled a lot, but loving Ellie? Taking care of Ellie? That was the easy part.

We can argue about morality of Joel`s decision until we are blue in the face, but one thing we can probably all agree on is the inevitability of it. That decision has been made long before they`d set foot in that hospital. Joel knows the pain of losing a daughter and he`d do anything to never to feel that pain again. And I really believe he wouldn’t have survived losing Ellie, it would, quite literally, break his heart. And that is the selfish part of his choice. But I understood recently, that there is also a selfless part to it. One that is all about Ellie. It was about ensuring her future, because he sees Ellie not as a potential savior for humanity, but as a full person. Person with dreams, planes, hobbies and aspirations. Troy Baker, once said in the podcast about Joel: “He saved the world, it’s just the world was that little girl.” His girl, his daughter, who wanted to become an astronaut, learn to swim, learn to play the guitar and read every Savage Starlight comic. And he believed this is worth saving, she`s worth saving. And he saves her, knowing full well he would have to live with the consequences of this choice, suffer through them. But he has no regrets, he would`ve done it all over again, because she got to live and that means everything.

In Fleabag (same warning applies) after Fleabag says: “I don’t know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don’t know where to put it now”, her friend responds: “I`ll take it. No, I`m serious, it sounds lovely. I`ll have it, you have to give it to me”.

[sunmoonjune]

Hello moonie !!

Idk if you're gonna see this, but a what if just popped into my head, and I needed to tell you it.

So you know the viral vid from Girl Humming and harmonising with her fan, this one:

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSY24rkWk/

This, to me, sounds like what bug's "mom"(sorry can't remember her name) would've hummed to bug when she would hummed this to bug one last time when she knew she couldn't protect any further from bug's father.

And what if WHAT IF she taught yunho how to hum this to bug so even when she's gone, there would still be at least a sense of security she would give to bug when yunho would hum it to bug when she would sleep.

And what if yunho also hummed this to bug when she had a fever, like picture how painfully beautiful that sight would be, yunho humming it to bug to make her feel safe while keeping her safe when he himself was far from it.

And when yunho was exiled and separated from bug, he clung to that hum like a life worried that he would forget it. And when he was in the ateez camp, he hum it every single night to the moon, hoping somehow it would reach bug and give her at least a sense of security even when he was far. Then seonghwa heard him and asked what song he was he was humming and asked if he could teach him it, and yunho only told that an old friend taught him to hum sparring all the details to keep the meaning just between him, bug's mom and bug

THEN BOOM seonghwa used the hum to soothe the other members when they had their episodes or nightmares.

And when him, bug and wooyoung got attacked in the forest in chap 6, when he hummed to her when she had her episode IT WAS THE SAME HUM THAT BUG'S MOM WOULD HUM TO HER that's why she slowly and slightly felt at ease when he heard him hum.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH THE MORE I PICTURE IT IN MY HEAD THE PAINFULLY BEAUTIFUL IT IS TO ME LIKE JUST THE MOTHER AND DAUGHTER PARALLEL WOULD HAPPEN THERE?!?! OH IT HURTS

But again this is just a what if from me and I'm sorry if you can't understand half of this English is not my first language so forgive me

love you and miss you moonie <333

oh.

the way this ask singlehandedly resurrected me from tumblr hiatus and then killed me again in the same blow D':

yes I do know the tt of the girl humming with her fan :')) but also consider the other rendition I heard: https://www.tiktok.com/@gabsadie/video/7363495019266837767

this one for some reason feels more maternal :')) and it sort of sounds like nostalgic and kind of like a memory?? in a way? and that's how I imagine Daia (bug's mom)

but the concept of yunho humming that over and over and over and clinging to it like a lifeline?? is SO devastating D': like he was probably terrified that if he forgot those notes, then he'd probably lose the memory of bug too :"(

ALSO the idea that seonghwa would probably learn it first and yunho would have to explain why he sung it so much even tho he'd try not to reveal too much about bug and her mum :')) and then seonghwa singing it to the others?? when theyre anxious or scared or having a nightmare?? that just shot me right in the heart DDD:

AND THEN SEONGHWA?? him humming that when he found bug and her hearing it like !!! she knows that song how does hwa know it?? and she just feels so safe with him because he does know it even if he doesn't know what it means :")) it's got me thinking of ateez just humming it beneath their breath all the time after they find out what it means to her and they want to help her preserve the memory of her mother and GOD I'm breaking my own heart rn

also thinking of all the instances atz could hum it to calm her down :')) like woo carrying her back to atz after she ran away?? or mingi when she's having nightmares and she wanders out of the caves to sit with him?? or sol when he's cleaning the blood from her face?? SAN SINGING IT TO WOO WHEN HE'S HAVING HIS OWN NIGHTMARES it becomes the ateez melody :"D

anon you're literally a genius and the anGST potential of this is unfathomable I love you so much :"DDD

and there is no need to apologize, your English is great! thank you so much for the ask <33 I think you just singlehandedly helped me revive my Tumblr ngl xD <3

[therealtsk]

What is the Brown family pre-Flashpoint characterization vs post-?

hoo boy. So, disclaimers, while I've read a LOT of comics, I have not in fact read all of the ones where a member of the Brown Family appears (mostly because I just don't have the heart to put myself through Batman and Robin Eternal, along with some of Dixon's notoriously sexist writing in his Robin run), but I think I've read enough to make a decently informative post on this. Let's go by characters.

Stephanie Brown.

Probably the one that most people noticed, Stephanie Brown in her pre-Flashpoint characterization is one that has (right up until a certain...event...) a lot of grit to her. While she's still the victim of Dixon's notorious attitudes towards women, she's still allowed to be competent, holding her own in a fight quite handily, especially in her own Batgirl run, where she's able to take on League of Assassin members without too much trouble at all.

Her major, I would argue defining characteristic, is that she does not give up. Ever. Her dad tells her to quit. Tim Drake tells her to quit. Fucking Batman tells her to quit. Multiple times!

Stephanie Brown does not give up. Ever. When the going gets tough, she shrugs, puts on her eggplant outfit, and kicks ass.

Post-Flashpoint? Stephanie is constantly made out to be unreliable, unable to handle herself, constantly needing other people to pull her out of trouble. She loses fights she simply wouldn't have before (although to be entirely fair, this is a problem literally every batfam member has from N52 onward but that's another post) But worse than that, post-Flashpoint Stephanie gives up. 

This scene is genuinely insulting- it's definitive proof that DC's writers from N52 onwards have never understood Stephanie Brown, and never plan to (yes, I know she does come back later, but the fact this happened at all is the point.) This is utterly antithetical to Stephanie Brown as a character, and spits in the face of everything she stands for.

Crystal Brown This is actually the main reason I decided to start writing sins of the father (working on chapter two in conjunction with this), because the treatment of Crystal Brown in Post-Flashpoint DC comics is just insulting- and a major disservice to Steph! Her relationship with her mom is essential to her arc. Crystal Brown starts out as a woman who's got a supervillain as a husband. She's struggling with him, with near-poverty, and with a drug addiction that seriously impedes her ability to be a good mom.

But like daughter, she doesn't give up. In fact, Crystal Brown kicks Arthur Brown out of her life and picks herself up, manages to quit her habits, and becomes a well-respected nurse at Gotham City West Mercy Hospital. Her defining characteristic is that she loves her daughter, even if it took some time for her to get her act together.

Post-Flashpoint Crystal Brown is not that. Hell, she's barely a character. When Steph calls her, desperate, afraid of her newly-learned-of criminal father, Crystal’s response is to lie to her daughter, and then call her husband and tell him Stephanie knows about his plan. 

Sure, she doesn't want him to kill her, but this is so wildly out of character for Crystal that this is basically an entirely different person. And it leaves Stephanie without a single parent who cares about her, since Bruce sure has hell hasn't stepped up in Rebirth. Steph doesn't have any positive role models in her life in Rebirth, leaving her bereft of really any consistent form of love and encouragement outside of maybe Cass, but even that relationship is a hollow shell of what it was previously. 

Arthur Brown. 

So Arthur’s the one who’s arguably changed the least, because abusive asshole is hard to get wrong, but he does feel like he’s lost all consistency in Rebirth. Before, he's a smug, arrogant asshole who doesn't give a damn about his family beyond how he can use them.

In Batman Eternal he’s…well, fine, but in Batgirls he’s…nearly unrecognizable, even from his characterization in the previous issues. 

Like seriously, what was going on here? Arthur's never given a single damn about Steph aside from literally using her as part of a plan to get rich. But anyway. TLDR; All three lost nuance, Steph used to be more competent and had an actual character arc, Crystal used to have an actual character and was an inspiring story of overcoming addiction, and Arthur used to feel like a consistent villain instead of a one-off whack job.

[good-beans]

You talked a little while ago about why you don't think Shidou would make a good father to Amane (agreed) and proposed the idea of Mahiru adopting Amane. That's cute but I want to tell you about my post-MILGRAM headcanon:

Amane joins the Kajiyamas

Not Fuuta specifically adopting her, but like him taking her back to his family's house. I'm sure they'd have a spare room

I think people don't think about Fuuta's homelife much, or if they do they take Fuuta's one interrogation question where he calls his dad an old fogey and assume its like, abusive

And don't get me wrong, I don't think the Kajiyama household are perfect. Fuuta' beautician sister surely hasn't helped when it comes to Fuuta's body image issues and I'm betting they're all a bunch of tsunderes too embarrassed to say they love each other

But in a series where most of the abused characters are still convinced their abuser loved them/acted out of love. Seeing a guy not be afraid to call his dad a loser is almost a green flag

I think it'd be good for Amane to not necessarily be adopted as the lone child to a single parent but get to be introduced to a very different style of family unit from her own One where its normal to express different opinions or disagreements or even have arguments and not have it be the end of the world

Amane already has a snarky side to her, I bet it'd flourish in a brash household like the Kajiyama's (or at least how I imagine them to be)

OOHHH wait I love that so much! >:O

I agree -- I never interpreted Fuuta's family as abusive or harmful, just not super close and struggling a bit after his mother left. (And yeah, all as openly emotional as him😭) They seem stable and very capable to taking in a extra, very well-behaved child. Assuming Fuuta is the way he is because of them, that atmosphere of being very honest and forward would work well for her. They say things as they are, little by little pointing out the harmful parts of her worldview. Like you said, none of them make excuses about harmful behavior stemming from love, so she'd get a really healthy dose of truth in that area. She never feels coddled or treated like a baby. They care for her while treating her very maturely.

I absolutely love how well she and Fuuta get along, with that snarky side to her that you mentioned. It would allow her to fit in well in the new household, getting the sense of belonging she'll lose after leaving the cult. Also, seeing how Fuuta and his sister let things slip and aren't perfect sons/daughters, she'll be able to relax about earning a parent's love through perfect behavior. She'll probably stay exactly the same, but her stress about it will fade <3

I doubt Fuuta's father can ever replace the hole she'll have from her own father, but the addition of an older sister will be huge. Amane will never get the feeling her mother is being replaced, but the woman will still fill the gap of the older, same-gender role model she needs. Her beautician job may throw Amane at first (being an indulgence in vanity), but it isn't as in-your-face as other careers. I think she could definitely ease Amane into accepting it, and over time, accepting her own personal "indulgence."

Plus, her moving in would also be really good for Fuuta! I think he'd recognize there's a ton of fun things she missed out on, and that heroic side of him outweighs the part that cringes: he gripes and groans about going to "kid places," but he's always the one to announce "I can't believe you've never been to __, we're going right now!!" This allows him to touch grass leave the house and experience his own life to the fullest. He's able to channel his desire to help society into a healthier outlet. Also, seeing her studying habits and plans for the future might even inspire him to do the same. (might.) He becomes the stereotypical good big brother, though of course he denies it viciously...

I have recently been going insane over their friendship so I'm completely taken with this idea OUGH thank you for telling me ;-----;

[tagthescullion]

Choices

Fandom(s): Trials of Apollo

Summary: Nico faces the grim reality of losing another sister to the Hunters of Artemis. He has convinced his father to change his mind and fight for their dysfunctional family, surely he can make Reyna change her mind, too.

Rating: T (swearing, people being bitchy)

Words: 1800

AO3 link

“Why?”

Reyna had been waiting for him to arrive. She had barely flinched when she felt that cold, bizarre feeling that meant somebody shadow-travelled nearby.

Nico saw her shoulders rise and fall as she sighed.

“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” she asked.

Nico scoffed.

Only then did she turn around.

“It’s not the same.” Reyna stated.

The same. No need to clarify. 

I’m not like your other sister who abandoned you at the first chance. I’m not like your other sister who died days later because death was better than dealing with an unwanted little brother. 

“Isn’t it?” Nico asked, his voice hard. “You’re not joining those fucking Hunters, then? All miscommunication. The rumour mill in Camp Jupiter is insane.”

Reyna’s expression became a stony cold wall. Emotionless. 

“Don’t be immature,” she chided him. “Yes, I’m joining the Hunters. No, it’s not the same, because I’m not a twelve-year-old girl who doesn’t know better. I made a founded decision.”

Nico crossed his arms. “Yeah, founded. Founded by all that marketing bullshit they use to convince people. First that condescending bitch Zoë, and now Thalia, the giant hypocrite. She hated them, and now she goes around replacing the ones who die.”

Reyna took a deep breath. With her face devoid of emotion, and Nico feeling too many emotions himself, it was hard for him to know if she was exasperated, tired, or about to stab him with a dagger.

But, to be frank, Nico didn’t give a shit. If he got stabbed, so be it. Reyna needed to understand this was a mistake. A huge, massive, regrettable mistake.

“I know how Thalia used to feel about them,” Reyna told him. She leaned back on what would become her former desk, half sitting on it, and mirrored his crossed arms. “She’s told me all about Zoë too. And her version of what happened to Bianca, Nico.”

“Her version?” Nico rolled his eyes. “There’s one version. Artemis convinced Bianca to join the Hunt, had no better idea than to be kidnapped a nanosecond later,” he ignored the rumbling of thunder in the background, “and then darling Zoë took her on a quest she wasn’t ready for where she was murdered because not a single one of those assholes in the quest had a second thought about a girl who didn’t know shit about demigod life joining them!”

Reyna opened her mouth to speak but Nico wasn’t finished.

He shook his head. “And all for what? Because Percy and Thalia wanted to get Annabeth back. All for infallible, perfect Annabeth Chase. My sister’s life wasn’t worth shit next to hers to any of the people in that quest. And neither does yours.” He sneered. “The moment somebody Thalia loves is in danger, you become disposable. She won’t hesitate to put you in the line of fire.”

Reyna put a hand on his forearm. “You’re being unfair.”

Nico pulled his arm out of her grasp. “I’m telling you the truth. You don’t believe me? Look at the facts. Any Hunter dies? Thalia has them replaced before she can even learn the former one’s names. There used to be a dozen when my sister joined. By the Battle of Manhattan Thalia had doubled that number.” He put his hands on his hips. “A bunch of them died then, and by the time you met them, Thalia had already got the numbers up again. She doesn’t care! They’re statistics to her!”

“That’s not true, Nico,” Reyna insisted. “Thalia cares a lot more than you think. Hell, she probably cares more than Zoë did. Most of the girls there have been rescued from tough situations; from abusive partners, sometimes their own families… Thalia’s only helping them have a better future.”

Nico snorted. “Oh, forgive me, I didn’t know she was doing a saint’s work. And here I was, thinking the best way out of a toxic relationship was therapy. Clearly, joining a group of eternal maidens who are taught to hate, mistrust, and shun out men is much better. With the addition of dangerous monster hunting. How fun!”

“If you’ll be a little shit about it, you can just leave,” Reyna snapped. Her façade broke and Nico saw she was both hurt and annoyed. “I do want to talk to you about my decision, but I won’t if you’ll just stand there and complain without listening to my side.”

“Fine,” Nico said. He grabbed a chair from next to the wall, and sat straddling it, leaning on its backrest, looking at Reyna. “Go ahead, explain your betrayal.”

Reyna rolled her eyes again. “You’re dramatic, patronising, and right now, publicity to Thalia’s cause against boys. Be a man, shut up, and listen.”

Nico frowned but stayed quiet. She wanted to talk, let her. There was nothing she could say that would make him change his mind. 

“Do you remember how you said you didn’t feel part of Camp Half-Blood?” She began. “How you never fit in, and you struggled to try because you felt whatever you did was never enough, so why bother?”

“You fit in perf— you’re a praetor!”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Reyna raised a hand to stop him. “Ahora me toca a mí. Yes, I was a praetor, so was Jason, and look how quickly he decided to join Camp Half-Blood, where he felt more comfortable. Having power isn’t the same as being happy in a place, you know? You’re powerful in your father’s domain, would you stay there forever?”

Nico first thought it was rhetoric, but she seemed to be waiting for some sort of reply, so he shook his head.

“I love Camp Jupiter,” she stated, and her voice shook with emotion. “But I also think I’ve done more than my fair share to keep it running. I’ve led them through two wars! I’ve given them years of my life.”

Nico swallowed a comment about how they would likely be the last years of her life, because, let’s face it, lately the Hunters, ironically, had a reduced life expectancy.

“Thalia’s offer is one of being able to have a life,” Reyna said. “I won’t have to lead, I won’t have to think for everybody else, shoulder that responsibility.”

“Will you be happy, though?” Nico asked. He tried to keep the venom in his voice to a minimum. “Is it really a life to be your age forever, and run around the wild without a care for the world?”

Reyna shrugged. “It’s better than this. Besides, what do you want my life to be? To grow up, get married, sprout out a couple of kiddies?”

Nico made a face. “Yes, that’s what I want you to do, have children. You know, Reyna, believe it or not, I’m aware it isn’t the 1940s anymore. I simply don’t think having no responsibilities will make you happy. And the Hunters they— they’re just not a good option.”

“Is there really any other reason than what happened to your sister to make you hate them?”

“Do I need any other reason?” He demanded, he felt his heartbeat quicken again. “Other than them letting my sister die? I’ll give you another reason: they take advantage of girls when they’re vulnerable. They’re like mythological mormons! They convince you to join their cult but they fail to give you other options.”

“Mythological mormons?” Reyna sighed. “Your issues with protestants aside—”

“Gods, it’s not about the protestants!” Nico waved his hands as if trying to grab an idea from the air. “You’ve always thought Hylla’s decision to join the Amazons was rushed. You’ve said it yourself, you think they only managed to convince her because she was in despair.”

Reyna’s face shone with anger. “She wasn’t in despair. She was broken. She’d been hurt time and time again by those brutes in Blackbeard’s crew. If you knew what they did to her, you’d understand why she joined some weird group who kept men in line. But the Amazons did sweep in when they saw somebody vulnerable, Thalia and the Hunters don’t do that.”

“You’ve told me they went for girls in abusive relationships, forgive me for assuming that puts you in a vulnerable situation,” Nico argued. “They offered my sister a life free of any burden when she felt overwhelmed, and they —coincidentally— asked you to join the immortal sorority of man-haters when they knew you felt weird and left out.”

“That doesn’t make me vulnerable,” she insisted. “And for your information, Thalia’s been asking me to join for ages, ever since the quest to get the statue back to New York.”

“When, of course, you weren’t vulnerable, it was a perfectly unstressful situation,” Nico deadpanned. He leaned on the back of the chair again. “If your issue is that you don’t want to have sex with people, then maybe go to a pride-parade dressed in purple, don’t abandon your whole life on a whim.”

“You know,” Reyna said. “I’m not sure if you’re worried I’ll abandon my life, or that I’ll abandon you.”

Nico hesitated for a second. “Both. I’ve already been abandoned once by a sister because of the Hunters. I’d rather it didn’t happen again. But you wouldn’t just be abandoning me. You’d be abandoning everybody.”

Reyna walked towards him, she knelt in front of his chair.

“I won’t abandon you,” she promised. “I’ll come back, I’ll see you as much as I can. It’ll be like going to university, that’s all.”

“Let’s, for a second, pretend you can keep that promise,” Nico suggested. “Let’s pretend you’re one of the lucky few who live for centuries. What happens when all the people you know are dead?”

Reyna swallowed. “I don’t know. I don’t see the future. I’ll have the girls.”

“The Hunters Thalia replaces every less than a decade?” He wondered. “Those girls?”

She shook her head. “It’s my decision. I’m making it, sound of mind, having considered the pros and cons —regardless of whether you believe me or not—, and not being led in a moment of vulnerability.” 

Nico huffed, shook his head, and stood up.

“All right,” he said. “I give up. You want to leave your friends and family, your life and responsibilities, off you go.”

“Thank you for understand—”

“I don’t,” Nico cut her off. “I don’t understand it. I’m mad as hell.”

“For somebody who didn’t grow up as an only child, you seem to love the word ‘I’.”

Nico scoffed. “Right, sorry, I keep making things about me. Let me make this about you. Remember when you said, in front of both camps, that you used to have a home, but now you had two? Well done, Reyna, by choosing the Hunters, now you have none.”

He turned and left the room, shutting the door with all the strength he could muster.

[faverna]

Ok it's loki season 2 finale rant time bitches

!¡ SPOILERS and crying ¡!

Ok so first, omfg its a tree

With fruit! Or sparkly whatever things. Doesn't matter. I could be thinking too much (I am) but I think it's kinda of cute to think about how loki takes all these lives and choices and worlds and helps them grow into a beautiful living force of nature. One that creates life and great things all on its own. This contrasts the whole loom idea. The loom takes all these lives and choices and worlds, chooses the ones it wants, and weaves them into a single, artificial, "perfect" thread. It's like nature vs. industry kind of.

Second, AAAAAAAA LOKIUS

The way mobius' ending line echoed and it zoomed in on loki's face is my new roman empire. Also the way mobius turned New York alien invasion loki into self-sacrificing, god of stories loki is crazy. Ship them or not that's amazing. They are besties and also definitely in love (imo) your honor. Back to the original train of thought. I would assume loki can see/hear into timelines to a certain degree. Which means he could be watching mobius from afar which is enough to make the tears start. And does mobius know this? Is that why he waits there a little longer? I can see him sitting in a room alone talking to loki and just hoping loki can hear him. And maybe loki responds despite knowing no one can hear him 😭 cryimg. Maybe they don't even speak they just sit there knowing the other is thinking about them. It's so tragically cruel that just as loki realizes that what he really wants is his friends back and to not be alone, he loses his friends and becomes alone forever. He finally gets his throne. Which is another thing. I might be wrong but I think I remember loki talking about how he never wanted the throne of asgard he just wanted his father's love and stuff like that (idr what movie) which is even more painful. He chased a throne he didn't want his whole life in an attempt to gain other things. When he realizes he has what he wants he loses it. Similar to how in ragnarok thor tells him he was always loved, loki just didn't realize. And how thor says loki could've been more if he just let himself be more. And mobius told loki (who didn't get to ragnarok) he could be someone good. Loki finally finds the truth in these things, he can be good, but he loses everything he really wanted in return.

We arrive at three, mobius leaves the TVA

This scene hurts too. Mobius says he belongs at the TVA and he likes it there. And honestly, I (because as not him I am oh so qualified here (sarcastic)) agree. I can't see him living the life he has on the timeline. I can see him settling down but idk something feels off (it's not with loki /hj). After loki leaves he looks absolutely miserable at the TVA though. Mobius lost his purpose when loki found his </3 and now the only thing he can do is try to live some semblance of a life. Loki lost his best friend but so did mobius. And now he has to leave his life's work and try to live like a normal person who hasn't had their world ripped away from them. Me personally, I would feel hopeless.

Oh and fourth, where the fUck is he

It was probably said at some point but I don't remember, I'm too lazy to look, and I don't actually need an answer. But what kind of messed up outer space dimension are they in? Where is the TVA? Can't be in space because then someone would conquer them. And where did loki go? He ripped open space and now he has a chair somewhere. Speaking of which. My man has a chair. Just a chair. A rock chair. Barely a throne. Ignoring all the awful stuff I just spent ages typing that's a pretty awful way to spend the rest of time. Speaking of which part 2. Is loki immortal now? Because last I checked he had a lifespan of 5000 which is not "for the rest of time" sooo?

I'll probably think of more I wanted to say but hopefully I got most of it. Just needed that out of my brain it was and still will take up too much space.

[phoenixradiant]

Cabbage and Lettuce for the ask game

"Ask and ye shall receive!"

CABBAGE - Do they deserve their fate? & LETTUCE - Do they deserve their past?

I'm gonna handle these in reverse order because it makes chronological sense to do so, and I'm just gonna use the protagonists since no one was specified.

Cellic:

Lettuce: Not a chance. Man had the perfect life growing up until he was about 10. Then in a single day he became a cripple and lost his father and baby sister. Around the time he'd finally accepted that he'd have to live without them, his mother died to the plague. Then his surrogate parents (who are Maiph's actual parents) die in a magical accident trying to cure the plague. Then his friend and older-brother figure gets gutted in front of him, so that when he finally gets healed all he feels is guilt for being so helpless so long. He becomes a soldier to protect others, but the stuff that happens to him there is almost as bad. The fact that this guy hasn't cracked by the time the plot starts is miraculous.

Cabbage: Yep. He deserves every bit of it. The story may be rough, but afterwards, he gets married, has like 6 kids, spends the next hundred years farming, and then when his wife dies (they were both magical enough to slow aging a lot) he wanders off into the mountains, becoming a legend.

Narra:

Lettuce: Also no. Cellic probably lost more than she did, but he had more to lose. The first twelve years of her life sucked, like, perpetually on the edge of starvation sucked. No big events to speak of, just constant suck. She gets found by one of her grandfather's knights and made a princess, and all she wants to do is help unfortunates like her, and it keeps not working. It's not her fault, but she almost loses hope.

Cabbage: (Very Spoilery) No. Plot happens and she dies not once, but twice. There are three characters in the book who cheat death, and all three of them are dead-for-realsies by the end, but Narra definitely deserved it the least. She had the optimism and moral purity of a literal child, and even after dying once tried to reconcile mercy and love with the reality of the battle she has to fight. The second time she didn't die quickly, either, but at least that time she was surrounded by friends.

Kar:

Lettuce: Maybe. Magrom always was brutal, tricksy, and possessed by a wicked sense of humor, but like with the other two, he was just a kid. Then half his family is assassinated in a night, and from then on, he decided he was going to earn his suffering. He started lying, stealing, and killing almost overnight (he wasn't even a teenager before he made his first body). The only vestiges of a personal code he has left are "Never betray your family" and "Never be ashamed of who you have become." Chronologically speaking, Magrom Karven didn't deserve what he got, but the sum total of his actions vs. his fortunes until the beginning of the story? He 100% deserves it.

Cabbage: Another maybe. Kar goes through a pretty drastic change kicked off by a quest for revenge, where he has to confront the fact that deep down, he'd be willing to die to avenge his brother and protect his niece. He has to face the purely selfish version of himself that he's constructed and admit that he's been lying to himself, ashamed of himself. Once he's accepted that, he can finish the plot, but he could've done that as his vindictive, power-hungry self too. He ends up as High King of Alador, but most of the redemption and reconciliation he does occurs after the plot ends, and isn't actually shown in the book. As a person, he's definitely changed enough to warrant some good fortune, but he hasn't proven it to the world yet.

Zix, this was long! Well, thanks for the ask, hope you enjoyed reading!

[ben-talks-art]

Why I like Ramses

"I will not be the weak link!"

I was very young when I first saw Dreamwork's Prince of Egypt, and I feel like that was probably my first time seeing an antagonist like Ramses.

If you're not aware of the Exodus story like I was, you get caught off-guard when you find out this guy is meant to be the villain considering how at the start of the movie he is the main lead's brother and best friend.

Ramses is yet again another example of a tragic character. Someone who is walking a path set up for him by his family legacy while completely ignoring the damage it causes to those around him.

The best way I can describe Ramses is that he is what Zuko could have turned into.

Zuko was a man on the wrong path that eventually changed because he started to question his ideals and goals, while Ramses was trained from birth to never question anything and just accept the way things are in order to bring pride to his father.

So even when he sees people getting tortured, killed, and enslaved, he feels no regret because in his mind that's just how it's meant to be. The same way his father operated, and probably many more before them.

A long line of powerful men spreading misery without a single drop of guilt or doubt, and that is just so terrifying and also what makes him so interesting to break down and analyze.

Ramses is the result of trying to pressure a kid into blindly following a path that they do not understand and should not question, and even more than that, to continue paving the way to make this path grow even further.

What's disturbing about it is that from his point of view he has no reason to even consider changing this path.

Zuko only changed because his ideals clashed with his father's and because he had his uncle to guide him towards the right direction, but Ramses was taught to never even have ideals and everyone around him pretty much just said "Yeah, keep at it!" He was just trained to listen to his dad like a good boy and in return he would suffer no consequences.

He was never taught to sympathize with the struggle of others so when Moses comes back asking him to free his people he just goes "Why would I?"

And when he does finally starts facing consequences for the life he's been living until now he simply doesn't know how to react to that because nothing bad ever happened to him before.

I just find it so interesting to see this guy that grew up with the mindset of "the problems of others are no problems of mine!" and when they do become problems for him he is at a total loss of what to do besides continuing to blindly follow the teachings of his father and his legacy in the hopes that things will turn out well in the end.

Ramses is the man that just refuses to believe he is in the wrong. In his head, he is the protagonist, he is the light that will guide people to a brighter future, and when reality comes knocking at his door he simply continues drowning in denial until he loses everything.

And what's sad about it is you can see how he could have been a nice guy, you see how much he loved his brother, you see he could have been a hero... But it just wasn't meant to be, and that's what makes it a great tragedy, and what makes him such an interesting character.

(Not really sure how accurate this version is to the Bible though...)

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[sapphiredhearts-a]

wanted plots by muse pt 2 . if you would like to explore a plot mentioned here please like this post and let me know which plot you would like to explore by the muse it is with . these are first come , first serve as I don't want to do the same plot multiple ways for now . please also stick to one different plot per muse of yours . this may change later but I want to give everyone I write with a fair chance for different stuff !

loosely based on the notebook . noah calhoun is a simple country boy . a good man with a big heart but without much else to his name . he is fine with his status in life and if all he can ever do is buy a house for his father to live in with him then he is fine . until he meets a girl one summer . she is visiting town with her family from new york - her very wealthy family who very obviously does not approve of a man like him . still , the two fall deep into love and spend the entire summer together . until one day he wakes up and goes to her house to find the place empty . someone in town says they simply left and if she didn't say goodbye she probably didn't care about him . as a hopeless romantic , noah writes letters - every day for a year - but nothing ever comes of it . instead , he moves on with his life going into the army and building the house he always wanted . he never marries but he's content enough - until he sees her again at his father's funeral .

jake jagielski has been a single father since his high school girlfriend got pregnant and abandoned him and his daughter , jenny . he has made ends meet pretty well and has just moved to a new town where he can attend college courses while working as a waiter . while there he meets a girl who he quickly becomes friends with . she is a natural with jenny and often babysits for him . slowly the two become closer than ever - but he still has scars from his past and isn't sure what exactly he wants - especially with nikki in and out of his life so often .

loosely based on the host - if you aren't familiar with the book we will need to discuss major plot points of the universe . jared howe has been on the run since the aliens came and took over human bodies . he is terrified of losing his mind and spirit and flits from town to town without ever really settling down . that is until he stumbles upon jed's caves - an underground settlement with more humans than jared knew still existed . he falls easily into his role there and works hard - even going on raids for supplies . but he is still very guarded and rough , not making friends . that is until he meets your muse .

loosely based on the host - if you aren't familiar with the book we will need to discuss major plot points of the universe . sunny has been living in jed's caves since she was brought here by the first soul ( alien ) to ever make it in a human settlement . her body's ex - fiancée had brought her here in hopes to remove her from the body and send her off into the universe while he got his love back . she was afraid at the time but willing to help - until they found out that the old mind would not come back with her gone . as unfortunate as it was the humans still accepted her for the most part and she spends her days quietly trying to earn her keep . until a new human joins the fold . they are rough and traumatized from things nobody knows about and weirdly - they seem to take to sunny , seeming to want to protect her . happy to have a new friend she begins to bond with them - but can the past horrors they have faced at the hands of the souls be erased ?

loosely based on the hunger games universe - but au . peeta mellark has lost everything . his sanity and the girl he did it all for . katniss everdeen was executed in front of everyone of panem on a live broadcast after district 13 was infiltrated and taken down before the revolution could begin . peeta had been tortured and brainwashed but without being needed any longer he was sent back to district twelve to await the next hunger games - sure to be a doozy . does he meet your muse as a fellow mentor ( he is the last one left in twelve - haymitch having died in the battle that followed as did a lot of the other victors who made it out and supported 13 ) ? or do they meet when your muse is a tribute ? we can expand on this as we go .

loosely based on the hunger games universe - but au . finnick odair is the capitol's golden boy . having won the games young he has enjoyed everything the capitol has to offer since . but nobody knows how much he truly suffers . I just want to write finnick - so perhaps he meets your muse in district four and we do an annie type thing ? or maybe your muse lives in district four and has never been in the games ? maybe they get reaped ? maybe they're old friends ? maybe they're from the capitol and meet there ? so many options . I'm down to explore this plot with more than one blog since there are so many different avenues .

[r0-boat]

Arthur breeding Kink head cannons / pregnant Emily

@smallestapplin doesn't like breeding or pregnancy so please send every single Arthur thirst about breeding to me.

Cw: it won't get into too much details but graze is upon some angsty stuff, like potentially losing a loved one to childbirth if you're insensitive to that then please click off( I don't know what it's called)

Breeding kink, pregnancy Kink

Nsfw

Arthur has the breeding/pregnancy Kink. And yes he is absolutely down atrocious. He is a family man he wants a family. He wants to see his wife swell with his child. With her permission of having a family with him, he practically fills her full every night.

Emily also has a slight breeding Kink. Arthur gets heart in his eyes when Emily locks her legs around him, he loves when his wife makes him fill her up.

Emily who also wants to have a family with him, is still on birth control because she doesn't know if Arthur wants children. Even though Arthur is extremely vocal about his breeding Kink. ( Emily isn't very good at reading the room)

Arthur probably taste great pride in how virile he is. that's probably went to the doctor at some point before asking Emily if she wants kids.( out of excitement)

It's like some sort of switch is flipped on inside his head when she's actually pregnant. he's very soft and attentive, at the same time very touchy and lustful. needing her milky tits, suckling them dry. watching her body get thicker and curvier for him, knowing that he did that to her.

Arthur does everything for her, and becomes extra protective of her and their unborn sons. don't touch her belly or else your ass is getting decked.

I think after Emily becomes pregnant and a few years after she gives birth Arthur goes back to work at GearStation. his heart swells every time he comes back home to see his wife holding his children.

If you ever ask him at his job about his wife and children, this normally silent man will go on for hours.

Emily has weird cravings, and they're always extremely specific, Arthur is eager to fill them no matter what horrible monstrosity food combinations they are.

Sadly Emily didn't really have the best time in the delivery room. they almost lost her during the delivery. they had to do an emergency C-section or else she wouldn't have lived. after witnessing and almost losing his wife from that moment on he no longer found breeding hot.

At that moment he has definitely thought about wanting more kids in the future. His ideal family was a huge one. He was ecstatic when he found out he was having twins.

Warning: pass this point is something darker, and not for people who are sensitive to losing loved ones during childbirth.

....

Emily passed out like immediately after the surgery.

Arthur seemed calm during the entire process but he wanted to puke he was so nervous, he wanted to hug his wife, crying after she woke up.

The first thing Emily says when she wakes up is asking for some McDonald's.

There werent many moments in his life that he genuinely cried, he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his face when holding his children for the first time.

As for Emily, she has little memory of the actual event, but she does recall being extremely hungry, and tired afterward.

Emily is a strong girl she's had plenty of near-death experiences when she was an active trainer traveling around Unova. no matter what she always gets through the hardest times with a smile.

Emily when she was on the verge of passing out after her procedure she cupped Arthur's face and told him to smile and everything will be okay.

However the thought that she almost left her beloved husband a single father makes her break down.

[lumincry]

𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲. nesrin almanza . 𝗮𝗸𝗮. nessie , the loch ness monster . 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵. july 19th , 2000 . 𝗮𝗴𝗲. twenty-three . 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗼𝘄𝗻. clifton , new jersey . 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿. cis woman . 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘀. she / her . 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆. bisexual . 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀. single . 𝗲𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.  currently a student at golden state university , pursuing a degree in journalism. 𝗼𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. secret podcast host of late night instability .

𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭. ⋆｡°✩ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬. ⋆｡°✩ 𝐰𝐜.

☆ 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄 / 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭

➟ aesthetics: a collection of CDs, thoughts scattered on pieces of paper, roaming empty streets at night, a scowl that seems permanent, the sound of a bong when you take a hit, wearing sunlasses after a rough night out, writing obscene messages on bathroom stalls, and an album of screenshots labeled "receipts". ➟ inspiration: gianna allister (the maddest obsession), emory scott (night fall), brooke davis (oth), emma (bodies bodies bodies), guinevere beck (you), elena abelli (the sweetest oblivion), natasha (life unexpected). ➟ likes: iced matcha, black coffee, the smell of freshly cut grass, swimming, roaming the 'tok, going biking at four in the morning, pretending she's asleep to avoid conversing with people, cherry rolling paper, and thunderstorms. ➟ dislikes: dogs, reading, denim, the word yolk, pandora music, the color yellow, tv series with over five seasons. ➟ habits: biting her cuticles, cracking her knuckles, pulling apart split ends, becoming overly infatuated with people.

☆ 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎 / 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥

➟ has a scar going through her right eyebrow, so hair no longer rows in small part of the area. face is scattered in light freckles and she also has a scar on her top lip that she ot from her cat when she was eleven. ➟ definitely wears a full face of makeup to cover up her acne. like most people, she for sure thinks it's worse than it actually is, so probably will not be caught dead without at least a tinted moisturizer on. ➟ wears a lot of long skirts and printed tank tops. closet is almost entirely thrifted. minus shoes, which she will normally splurge on.

☆ 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 / 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭

➟ on july 19th, 2000 at 9:08 pm valeria and isaac almanza welcomed nesrin into the world. the two never had the chance to give her another sibling. ➟ valeria was a full time stay at home mom while isaac would work 10 hour shifts at a car repair shop trying his best to make ends meet. they didn't have much but they were a happy family. ➟ at three, nesrin's not interacting properly with the other kids. she's not sharing or playing with others and she's aggressive. "she's just shy" her mother says ➟ at six she's top of her first-grade class, always getting the highest scores on their english exams. she's still not making many friends, but that's okay because she'll be more outgoing with time. ➟ a few months later her father passes away in his sleep. it's shocking and unexpected. her mother has a rough time grieving the loss of her first love and having to take over family finances. she joins a dating website where she meets an older man and the two quickly get hitched after nine months of dating. ➟ right before her 10th birthday nesrin meets her mother's new boyfriend. a man she met on a catholic dating site who has a daughter two years younger than her. the two get hitched not long after and now she's learning how to have a family again. ➟ nesrin starts attending church with the family at her mother's request, whose husband is very uptight and religious. she has a new set of rules to follow with her little sister. ➟ once high school starts nesrin does her best to break out of her shell and make new friends. hard to do when you're fifteen with an 8 pm curfew. ➟ at fifteen she sneaks out & goes to a high school party with the neighbor to meet new people. nesrin has her first kiss and loses her virginity in the same night to an older boy she has a crush on. not necessarily because she wants to but rather because it's what all the teens are doing. isn't it? nesrin soon learns that she likes the little bit of attention she can get from boys, and slowly begins to pursue them just to 'finally feel something'. ➟ i'm getting tired of typing so real quick she does her best to get good grades but she has mediocre grades at best. her best subject is english. she applies to all sorts of colleges across the country & obtains a spot as GSU with a swimming scholarship.

☆ 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 / 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭

➟ girlfriend, or former girlfriend of michael. when the relationship first started the two really did care about each other but somewhere down the line michael began to pull away and nesrin had to find affection elsewhere. at the point of michael's death they were barely together. ➟ as stated ahead nesrin became intuned with her sexuality earlier on in life. overtime she has learned how to weaponize that, using it to get her way. she is very secure with this and has no embarrassment from it either. period queen. ur stronger than me. ➟ literally moved across the country for some freedom. her freshman year consisted of blacking out every weekend but the fun is gone now that she's able to drink legally. ➟ nesrin has created a podcast under the alias melissa where she discusses the ongoing investigation of michael's death and what has lead up to it. don't judge her. it's practice for when she becomes a newscaster. maybe.

realizing halfway through that present became headcanons rather than an actual.. representation of whats happening in her life atm but SUE ME !!! i also physically cannot write here anymore ill add to it eventually im sorry.

[captainsleepy111]

Anyway, this is the first chapter of the story (well and the prologue) that I have yet to name, it’s written on a school computer so there isn’t anything too major to worry about, however if there is something that you think I should tag, let me know :)

Prologue: Plants are Pettifoggers

THE ABECEDARIAN

Anyone who tells you that nature is all peace, love, and getting along with each other, has clearly never actually spoken to a single plant. Allow me to remedy that.

Chapter 1: Boarding the Proud Geranium

ANDY

When I first learned that I would be spending the next several years of my life on a boat, my first thought was: OH COME ON! REALLY! ‘LETS PUT THE KID WHO CAN’T SWIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN!!!’ BECAUSE THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA! Granted I didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter, afterall Angie was definitely going; especially considering her father was going to be the Captain of the ship, and wherever she went, I went. Again, I don't necessarily have a choice on that one either considering I’m technically her servant, but really it just means I get to hang out with my best friend all the time. Despite my, very rational, fear about going on a mysterious voyage to find some treasure; it was hard not to feel excited for Angie, she had the kind of infectious joy that could turn even the grouchiest person into a somewhat tolerable person. Angie had always loved the sea, she had been trying to convince me to let her teach me how to swim for years now, and had practically memorized the library's entire section on all things sailing. It was rather comforting to know that, should we begin to sink, Angie would likely know either: exactly how to fix the problem or atleast how to get off the ship in a way that would allow for our continued survival. That being said, no matter how excited for Angie I was; there was nothing on this earth that would make me happy to go on a boat.

I am officially overjoyed to go on this death trap, the ship that is to be our home has been officially christened as the: Proud Geranium. Nothing in this life will ever be funnier than the great Anemone Caruso, pride of the royal navy, head of one of the wealthiest families in the world; becoming the Captain of a ship that is essentially called the “proud stupid”. The best part is: he commanded me to use my “flower knowledge” to tell him a flower that would symbolize his great journey for glory and honor; then never even bothered to look up what Geraniums were symbolic of, which is probably for the best considering Geraniums are symbolic of stupidity or folly and I doubt he would find it nearly as entertaining. Angie says that I’m being childish; but I know she finds it just as funny as I do. However, as the day of our departure grows nearer, I find myself losing my enthusiasm for my practical joke, and becoming steadily more nervous. Despite Angie’s offers to teach me how to swim, I can’t help but worry that I may not return home from this adventure; or if I do, I will never be the same person ever again.

The day of our departure began with a cold water bucket to the face, courtesy of Angie. Angie was unreasonably excited, especially when taking into consideration the fact that the sun hadn’t even risen yet.

“Wakey wakey sunshine! Time to get ready to go on our grand adventure!” was the very excited yelling of Angie. I tried to get her to leave me alone, by very maturely flipping her off and rolling away.

“Oh no you don’t! Get your grumpy butt over here!” she continued jovially, while stealing my measly blankets away from me, “We need to be at breakfast as soon as the sun rises!”

Finally, I gave in and opened my eyes to be greeted by her semi-deranged smile, and yet another bucket of water to the face.

“Alright! Alright! Fine, I’m awake, I guess.” I spluttered to life, “Do you have to try and drown me every morning?”

“Yeap! How else should I entertain myself in the morning.” she grinned back at me. Despite the fact that I was her servant, she was almost always the one who woke me up. Stupid morning people. Having gotten an impromptu shower, I got dressed and let Angie drag me down to the kitchens to get breakfast.

“G’morning little missy, finally got Andy out of bed I see” That would be the traitorous cook, Ms. Sage, “Oh don’t go glaring at me. Unless you want this nice chocolate muffin I made for you to go to Angie; I’m sure she would love a third”

“Have I ever mentioned that you're my favorite person?” I said, switching to grin at her as I quickly snatched the muffin, sticking my tongue out at Angie.

“Once or twice. Though it wouldn’t hurt to hear it again now that you two are leavin’ me.” She said, with a hint of sadness in her eyes. Angie and I paused and went back to hug her; she smelled like cinnamon and chocolate, and as always was warm and welcoming. Ms. Sage had always been the closest thing to a mother for both of us, and I was reminded of how much I would be leaving behind on our journey.

“Oh, don’t get all sad on account’s of me.” She hugged us, then pulled back to look at us, “And, Angie I know you’ve been dreaming of this day for the past year; so don’t let your nerves get in the way of you having fun. Alright?” She then looked at me, “As for you Andy, don’t worry so much about leaving, I’ll make sure to look after your garden. Right now! I believe you guys have a meetin’ down at the dock? It’s gettin’ jus’ past sunrise right now.”

Angie and I looked at each other, then out on the steadily brightening day; and sprinted out towards the docks, waving goodbye to Ms.Sage. We managed to get down to the docks and walked calmly over to where Angie’s father was; with me falling one step behind and to the left.

“Ah, Angelica, I was beginning to worry you would not make it on time for our departure” Captain Caruso said, dismissing the sailor he had been talking too “I do wonder why you refuse to allow me to procure a new servant for you, as this one constantly makes you late.”

“Because I like the-her, I like her. And it would be far too much trouble to find a new one.” Angie snapped back, bristling slightly. I winced and resisted the urge to hug her, or potentially hold her back; I settled for simply just putting my hand on her arm.

“Very well. It is your choice after all,” Captain Caruso responded flippantly “Anyway, we are about to set off on our glorious journey, so if you intend upon coming I would suggest that you get on the ship now.”

Angie smiled tightly, then paused as I bowed to him when we scurried past. The second we were out of his eyesight Angie fell back to walk next to me and wrapped an arm around me.

“Sorry Andy, you know how my Father is with ‘the proper way of things’ and all that.” She said apologetically

“I know, besides, it's kinda like having a secret identity” I grinned at her, and wrapped my arm around her in return. We continued down the deck of the ship to where our room would be; while technically it was just Angie’s room, no one would really notice where an insignificant servant such as myself was. So bunking with Angie it was. We had gone about two feet before we were stopped by one of the crew men:

“Now, What’re two little girls doin’ on this ‘ere ship?” He looked like we had personally offended him simply by existing “bad luck t’ ‘ave girls on board.”

“I am the daughter of Captain Anemone Caruso, and this is my servant,” Angie replied with a scowl, “And for the record, that is a myth, girls have no effect on sailing.”

“Well now Ms. Caruso, I didn’ mean no harm. I was jus’ askin’.” He backpedaled quickly upon being faced with Angie’s wrath. Angie scowled at him again for good measure and stalked past him to get to our cabin. When we got there, I shut the door as Angie flopped on the bed with a growl.

“What is it with people thinking that girls can’t be sailors! It's always: Oh you're too dainty, or oh isn’t that a man's job!?” She yelled into her pillow

“Don’t worry, I bet you’d be a better sailor than any of those guys up there,” I said as I sat down next to her. “Besides, are you sure you would want to work on a ship called the proud stupid?”

“I guess not.” Angie snorted, “Still annoys me though.”

“Yeah, I know, besides you’ll get your own ship one day” I assured her.

“ Yeah,” Angie grinned excitedly, “the Snapdragon.”

After a bit more of hanging out and setting up our room; Angie, and by proxy myself, was called onto the top deck. When we got there the deck was a swarm of action, people running around to do whatever last minute preparations were necessary to set off on the journey. Captain Caruso was standing at the wheel looking proud and haughty as ever, and also very clearly in the way of the helmsman.

“Come here Angelica, I want you by my side as we set off.” He commanded. Angelica and I walked over to where he was, making sure to not get in the way of the helmsman. It was impossible to deny the fact that the view from the wheel was spectacular, and despite its rather humorous name the Proud Geranium was really quite a beautiful sight. It was made with dark mahogany and the sail stood out as a brilliant white in the sunlight. The water was gently lapping against the shore, and you could see people bustling around on the docks getting ready for departure. Along the edges of the city, facing the ocean there were people lining up to send us off on our journey, I could barely make out the face of Ms. Sage smiling and waving at us. I poked Angie in the back as inconspicuous as I could and pointed her out. Then with all the fanfare that would be expected of a man of his status, we were officially set off into the water; with people cheering along the sides and horns blaring. We stayed where we were until Captain Caruso finally released us from his side by walking off to his cabin, with barely a glance in our direction. I was tempted to try and stay to watch the shore slowly disappear behind the horizon, but we were quickly ushered out of the way by the very disgruntled helmsman.

[rcjoice]

. 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 .

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚝

character’s full name: ashton bryan quincy

reason or meaning of name: "from ash tree/ash tree town", "strong, virtuous, honorable", "orchard of quince trees/fifth son of an estate"

character’s nickname: ash, quincy

reason for nickname: just shorter. last name thing just a typical man thing

birth date: february 13th 1997

𝚙𝚑𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎

age: verse dependent, 27 in main verse

how old do they appear: verse dependent, usually mid to late twenties, early 30s

weight: fluctuates, but usually around 165-170lbs

height: 5'10"

body build: a little broader, carries weight around his belly and his hips

shape of face: heart

eye color: soft honey brown, almost amber

glasses or contacts: contacts preferably, but he's sometimes got to bust out his old man eyes

skin tone: pale, cool

predominant features: obvi his tattoos are very prominent and noticeable , but the warmth of his eyes and smile stay with you.

hair color: dark brown, bleached blond usually

type of hair: wavy and thick

hairstyle: ideally buzzed to about an inch/2 inches, usually grown out roots and longer waves

voice: very similar to dob's voice in not okay, that stupid fuckboy timber

physical disabilities: has pins in his left ankle

usual fashion of dress: sneakers or work boots; wide legged jeans, baggy jeans, joggers; occasionally overalls; graphic tees, wife beaters, short sleeved button ups; track jackets, puffer vest, distressed jean jacket

favorite outfit: black cargo joggers, black graphic tee, work boots, distressed jean jacket

jewelry or accessories: a silver chain that sits just below his collar bone with his silver wedding band on it, small silver hoops in his ear, silver hoop in left nostril, silver eyebrow spike on the left, silver ring in labret piercing, silver nipple rings, silver tongue stud, wears a silver wallet chain

𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢

good personality traits: empathetic, loyal, charismatic, funny

bad personality traits: jealous, stubborn, moody, lacks self control

mood character is most often in: tired but alive

sense of humor: stupid, sometimes self deprecating

character’s greatest joy in life: loving someone, feeling loved

character’s greatest fear: the dark, his father, being alone

what single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?: losing anyone he loves. most likely sel or mikey, but anyone he loves would send him into a spiral

character is most at ease when: in a space he has control of/with his loved ones

most ill at ease when: alone or around people he thinks are better than him

enraged when: he gets mad so easily, hes got bpd rage but esp when someone insults people he loves

depressed or sad when: hes alive

priorities: getting high, taking care of his family, in that order

life philosophy: fuck it, we ball

if granted one wish, it would be: never to have met josh most likely

why? because he literally ruined his life, more so than his father

character’s soft spot: kids, his loved ones

is this soft spot obvious to others?: kids know hes soft for them immediately because he's just got this like, warmth to him when he interacts with kids. his loved ones also are very aware, because he will bend over backwards for his loved ones.

greatest strength: he's resilient as fuck, he can go through a lot and not be put down for good

greatest vulnerability or weakness: his heart :( he's so loving and forgiving it makes him easy to manipulate

biggest regret: either abandoning his sons for the first few years or starting drugs

minor regret: not doing more things he wants to do like going out to certain cons and whatnot

character’s darkest secret: it wouldnt be a secret if i told you

does anyone else know?: probably mikey or selene

𝚐𝚘𝚊𝚕𝚜

drives and motivations: his kids, not wanting to make sel go to another funeral, spiting josh

long term goals: get sober, become a tattoo artist fr, make art

how the character plans to accomplish these goals: he has no idea, he's just really trying to fund the right first step still

how other characters will be affected: he'll be a better person

𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝

hometown: detroit, michighan

type of childhood: unpleasant, abusive

pets: stray alley cat he called vader because he wheezed

earliest memory: group home with a play room, he's inside. it smell like crayons and plastic. he's got a space ship in his hand and he's running around. he falls and busts open his lip

most important childhood memory: if we're talking younger child, the day his mom left. if we're talking like any childhood memory, the day he ran away. his father had been extra cruel lately because he found out about ashton's drug use. he remembers everything about that day.

why: they were the two days everything in his life changed. whether it was being alone in that house with just his father, or it was being lured into a new hellscape with josh, he just can't stop going over those days in his head like he could've changed them.

childhood hero: luke skywalker

dream job: he always wanted to be an astronaut before an artist. he wanted to see the stars so bad.

education: high school drop out

finances: upper middle class with his father, working class/taken care of at least with josh

𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝

current location: detroit, michigan, verse dependent sometimes

currently living with: his kids are there every so often for a visit (his daughter stays the night once a week, his sons visit every other weekend and when their mom needs a babysitter), random friends sleeping on his couch here and there, his dog

pets: jar jar, black akita

religion: repressed catholic

occupation: gas station manager/drug dealer

finances: lower working class

𝚏𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚜

color: lilac, pastel purples

least favorite color: bright orange

music: 2000s alt rock/emo music & nu metal

food: apple fritters, pancakes, baked goods

literature: carrie by stephen king

form of entertainment: animated shows, movies, comics

mode of transportation: driving

𝚑𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚜

hobbies: drawing, reading comics, collecting figures, soap carving, doom scrolling tiktok and facebook, drinking, going to bars

plays a musical instrument? he can play piano and a little guitar here and there

plays a sport? absolutely not

how they would spend a rainy day: stay inside with a blanket, maybe make some irish coffee, watch a movie. mournfully long to smoke a cigarette on the roof but he hates being wet

spending habits: he doesn't spend recklessly per say, but he doesn spend money on a lot of like, nerd and kid shit he couldn't have as a kid. he likes doing things that make him feel like he's getting that back, and he's an impulsive spender. he makes sure he pays child support and has his fix before he spends tho, he's very lucky his ex helps w bills and rent (she pays most of it sometimes)

smokes: yes, he smokes half a pack to a full pack a day

drinks: yes, excessively

other drugs: yes, he's addicted to opioids & was a regular heroin user until he was 23. he's trying to cut back and smokes a lot of weed now

extremely skilled at: building legos & figures, soap carving, anything to do with little pieces and putting them together

extremely unskilled at: most things

usual body posture: hands in pockets, slouched shoulders, leaned back if sitting

𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚜

optimist or pessimist? optimist

introvert or extrovert? extrovert

daredevil or cautious? daredevil

logical or emotional? emotional

disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? disorderly & messy

prefers working or relaxing? anything that'll keep his mind busy

confident or unsure of themself? always unsure

animal lover? yes !

𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗

one word the character would use to describe self: broken LOL

what does the character consider their best personality trait? loyal. he knows what he'd do for his loved ones

what does the character consider their worst personality trait? he's moody & volatile. he can be prone to huge outbursts

what does the character consider their best physical characteristic? he doesnt think he has one LOL but if he had to pick, he thinks he has pretty eyes.

what does the character consider their worst physical characteristic? face or body. he was heavily heavily gaslit into thinking he was ugly and has super low self esteem

how does the character think others perceive them: a loser

what would the character most like to change about themselves: he wants to just be better. he wants to be smarter, kinder, cooler, happier. he thinks everything about him is a flaw, despite the confidence he puts out

𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜

opinion of other people in general: he thinks people in general are good, and he feels like people's misactions and cruelties come from a place he just doesn't understand yet so he tries to give benefit of the doubt

does the character hide their true opinions and emotions from others? not really, he has like 0 filter and cant keep things inside his mouth or head

person character most hates: his father, maybe josh sometimes

best friend(s): selene, mikey

love interest(s): mikey in main verse and then it's verse dependent but this mf always needs someone to love and pour his affections into

person character goes to for advice: selene

person character feels responsible for or takes care of: his children mostly, selene sometimes, mikey always

person character feels shy or awkward around: he doesn't tend to feel awkward or shy around people unless he's had an outburst recently around them

person character openly admires: selene

person character secretly admires: hes not a secret keeper

most important person in character’s life before story starts: mikey

after story starts: mikey

tagged by : no one just seen it <3

tagging : anyone who wants to do it !! just tag me <3

[documentwhatimbecoming]

5:25 AM

Apart of me still can’t accept that we just finished burying Abdirahim. I slept in Abdirahims bed, in his room and used his bathroom all while shuddering at the fact he is no longer with us. 24 hours ago though, he was in this exact same bathroom. I loved him very much. Little does he know wallahi nor was I ever able to share how much he’s helped me overcome the grief from losing abeh. It comforted me knowing how much he loved my dad as his own. It comforted me knowing that although he can’t come to Canada anymore, he still made an effort to teach my husband about the man my father was. These convos and these laughs will forever live in my heart. All the times we comforted each other thinking about the treatment of our uncles, it’ll live forever in my heart. I looked your mother in the eye along with your baby siblings and told them I got them, and for you Abdirahim, I will stay true to my promise.

I’m so sorry that the last time I was in Columbus was in 2016 and that was to bury your dad. The first burial I’ve ever been to in my life and the last one until we buried you. We gave salams to Adeero as we walked past your grave. You are meters away from each other. May Allah swt cool the aching of my heart when I think about you and turn it into rewards because of how much you’ve impacted me to want to become a better person. A sweet person like you Abdirahim. My sweet sweet beautiful cousin that never left me without a smile on my face. Even our last convo discusses how much we miss Abeh macaan.

Abeh died July 19th 2022. I always felt awful knowing it’s muses birthday. It’s your death that made me realize that abehs death anniversary isn’t only about Muse. It’s also about someone beloved in my heart that shares a birthday with muse. Someone that single handedly till this day has no idea she helped navigate me on wanting to be a better daughter to my dad because we were kids when we lost hers. They were the same type of dads. Old school, compassionate, but really strong on the daqaan. Growing up in the western world I didn’t appreciate the disconnect of ppl with daqaan. Now that they’re gone my heart yearns for the chance to let them know all the ways they’ve shaped me. Alhamdulilah for all the good and bad. I’m so happy to be at a place where I can talk about Abeh macaan with straight ease because I know I was beloved to him, despite all the stuff that was unclear around the time he died. Alhamdulilah for the clarity now. May I be the pious daughter that is your gateway to jannah, even though you probably don’t need my deeds. You died in salah abeh macaaan. You died the way you lived, and you always warned me as a child to be careful about how you live, bc the way you live is the way you died.

May Allah swt grant us all an honourable ending.