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#feels too damn much like home
jedi-lothwolf · 4 months
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Whump: The Musical master list! Firstly I had a great time coming up with ideas for these prompts! This is truly a very unique challenge! I look forward to next year's! Hopefully I'll post everything in time and finish it!
To make finding stories you may like easier, I have color coronated everything. Summaries and notes/warnings are with the stories! I hope you enjoy them!!
Fandoms: The Bad Batch, Star Wars, The Owl House,
Day 1: Cats (Second Chance)
Day 2: Wicked ("No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.")
Day 3: Jesus Christ Superstar (betrayed)
Day 4: Les Misérables (Survivors Guilt)
Day 5: Heathers (Reluctant Whumper)
Day 6: Newsies (Chronic Pain)
Day 7: The Last Five Years (I will not lose because you can not win.")
Day 8: Day 8: Hades Town (Deals)
Day 9: Sweeney Todd (Razers)
Day 10: Rent ("Feels Too Damn Much Like Home.")
Day 11: Bare: A Pop Opera (Outing/Religious Trauma)
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sorunort · 2 months
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i said in another post i was rping loop in a multifandom rp group and i'm having a lot of fun! so much fun that i made a giant doodle sheet of loop's glitch....that i haven't even gotten to rp yet but am so excited to im getting carried away. whoops
(in the context of the group, think of glitching like in spiderverse, they don't belong in this new world/dimension so their existence rejects it. we can do whatever we want for glitches so i just made loop's that they get their humanity back. yknow. for misery whenever they unglitch and go back to being a star [thumbs up])
i think my favorite here might just be the Go there Go Into the Dark catcrumb edit lmao
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such-a-daydreamer · 2 months
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I know you might get this often but the way you draw mystery man pleases my eyes so much
I actully don't, so thank you! Your compliment pleases my eyes so much ^^
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Have this complimentary art of the mystery man himself as a thanks!!
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fumifooms · 25 days
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Dungeon lord Chilchuck
What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.
When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.
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Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).
— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.
— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".
What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldlr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.
— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.
— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.
On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal w his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.
Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).
Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.
You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…
The actual headcanons finally
I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.
Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.
The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…
But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.
A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…
I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…
Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:
@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!
And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~
In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3
A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.
… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end
#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#Analysis#dungeon lord chilchuck#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Wish we could put just parts of a post under a ‘click to read more’ box that scrolls open and closes neatly#Bc 3/4th of the post is just extra explanation for ppl who don’t See The Vision already but like that’s not what i wanted most of the post#to be really gdbdg#Headcanons#You could say the family also represents something he’s built up with how own hands. If he has self-worth issues and thinks he’s a screw-up#in the virtue/honor and likability department especially— his family destroyed/killed also represents the one biggest good thing#he’s done/created crumbling also. Like his wife leaving without a word while he trusted their relationship this can hugely impact#one’s sense of identity and self-worth and what you’re living life for. In his case it’s not too surprising he turned to simple#physical pleasures for comfort and enjoyment. Like with tasting good food having moments feeling good keeps you going#He always focuses on the bad relationships bring and never the good aghhhh#The reverse of Marcille who often idealizes. They both ignore problems in their relationships in opposite ways.#What do you mean why do i bring up marcille. Okay yes this’ll get a marchil Fumiku short brainstorm reblog as well#Chilchuck is so… curse of having feelings and not realizing the extent of them. Underestimating how much you care#It’s either ‘i’m fine who cares’ or falling into the pits of despair and blaming himself n spilling his whole bag no inbetween#Dunmeshi succubus#Fumi rambles#boy that’s what this boils down to i suppose#Family angst “Hey I came back home from work and i’m tired so don’t talk to me about problems or anything k? I’m here to relax smh damn”#< unwilling to admit he has issues he should be working on or that some things are affecting others negatively#Chil you are so enneagram 6w7 <3
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harmonizewithechoes · 1 month
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My five year old has his very first day of kindergarten tomorrow 🥺🥺🥺 I didn’t expect to be hit with such a huge wave of emotions but I’ve been a WRECK all day
#personal#he’s so excited#we’ve been talking about school for so long and he’s so excited that it’s finally here!#and a little nervous too he said but he keeps asking about the other kids and if he gets to have lots of friends now#he really liked his teacher when he met her and he’s excited to see her#the only thing that tripped him up a little was when I told him that me and his daddy are bringing him to the school but we can’t go with#that he has to just listen to his teacher and we’ll see him after school 🥺#I’m mostly worried that he’s not going to get enough food at school because he doesn’t eat very fast at home#he doesn’t focus well on meals#I’m hoping that positive peer pressure helps him with that#if he sees the other kids eating he will hopefully follow their lead#he’s going to be taking the bus home as well and I’m nervous about that for him too#even though it’s silly because his bus will pick him up in the morning and bring him directly to the school and then drop him off first#after school#he’ll be on it for maybe 20 minutes each day#I just worry too much#i worry about how issues he might have that I can’t help with like what if it’s too cold in just one room#but I don’t know that and send him in shorts?#or what if he gets teased for things I can’t anticipate right now? how can I best set him up for success with his peers?#I only know what he likes not what other five year olds like#I don’t want him to feel like the odd one out#but maybe that’s inevitable at some point#I can’t protect him from the world if im not there 😔#that’s the hardest thing about it#obviously this is supposed to happen and school will be so good for him#but he was a tiny little baby just yesterday#at least that’s how it feels#they say it goes by fast but damn
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mylonelydreaming · 10 months
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Nintendo just released a new advertisement for tears of the kingdom a few days ago and it's so hateno house zelink coded 😭
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shima-draws · 5 months
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MANNNN my anxiety won’t QUIT. Send me some asks perhaps 🤲
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dutybcrne · 3 months
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Thinking abt these tidbits from Kaveh’s character stories,,,
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#☆ ┆ ( .haikaveh. );#//BC OFC OF ALL PEOPLE; HAITHAM WOULD BE THE ONE WHO WOULD FIND THAT WEAK POINT#//I wanna chew them like a gomita#//Nah but the fact that Haitham still went out of his way to bring Kaveh home and let him stay; to keep wanting him to stay#and keep buying him things; teasing him and actively looking out for Kaveh after Kaveh said THAT#//THAT gets me#//Bc I can’t imagine how much it would have hurt Haiyi to hear him SAY such a thing; esp if Kav was his only real friend at the time#//AND YET#//A N D Y E T#//Regardless of ship or not; Kav is SO cared for by he#//Perhaps that’s why it was so hard for Kaveh to see that#//Bc of guilt over what he’d said back then; only to be met with such kindness after his failures#//Bc he can’t BELIEVE Haitham ought to nor should genuinely WANT to after all that; their FIGHT#//Im realizing that’s prolly why Kavis so touchy abt Haitham teasing him#//Like it’s really hitting now#//I feel him tho#//If I had a dear friend I fought with to that degree and said such things to him to hurt him#//Lost touch with him save to bicker and argue on boards#//And then he showed up when I’m at my lowest; with a question abt my ideals and an offer to help me out#//I too would be wondering wtf his deal is and be Anxious the entire time#//The rent is deffo insurance so Haitham can’t say Kav never gave back anything#//in Kav’s eyes; meanwhile Haiyi damn well knew Kav would never accept his help so easily without giving smth in return#//Bc ofc he KNEW Kaveh would have never changed in all these years#//Haitham would know how stubborn and fixed Kav is more than anyone
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e77y · 1 month
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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chappellrroan · 7 months
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it's almost like if i dont let the whole world know about my new hyperfixtation i will burst into flames
#preacher's daughter both family tree songs#how she says in family tree “heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned and baby hell don't scare me i've been times before”#and western nights “i would hold the gun if you asked me to but if you love me like you say you do will you ask me to?”#the whole house in nebraska song UGH#the outro of hard times i am tired of you still tied to me bleeding whenever you want too tired to move to tired to leave#american teenager gracie's cover i love you so so so so much i do it for daddy and i do it for dale i am doing what i want DAMN i am doing#it well#ptolemaea that stop scream i am the face of love's rage blessed be the daughters of cain bound to suffering eternal through sins of their#fathers commited long before their conception that whole outro in general#i tried to be good am i no good? am i no good? am i no good?....i just wanted to be yours? am i yours? am i yours?...if i am turning in you#stomach and making you feel sick am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? is just SO AGH#also god loves you but not enough to save you I FORGIVE IT ALL AS IT COMES BACK TO ME#we know how it goes the more it hurts the less it shows but i feel like they all know and that's why i can never come back home and i spent#my life watching it go by from the sidelines and god i have tried but i think it's about time i put up a fight#and the instrumental songs their production is so so good#anyways yeah now i feel better if anyone is reading till here go listen to it thanks <3#it's great for people with family issues#v.txt
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jedi-lothwolf · 6 months
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Whump: The Musical Day 10: Rent ("Feels Too Damn Much Like Home.")
Fandom: The Clone Wars
Summary: while on Geonosis, Anakin feels too close to home. He never did like sand.
Some part of Anakin Skywalker never stopped calling Tatooine home. Even though he lived at the Jedi temple  on Coruscant, he had grown up on that sandy planet. It would take four days to travel just to get there.
    So being in Geonosis was strange. The planet had the same hellish feeling as his home world. Memories of who he had tended to linger in his mind.
    It seemed like yesterday the boy was pod rasing and trying to distract himself from the horrible things that happened in the desert planet of Tatooine. The nine year old would try to reassure his mother that he was okay, that the fights and spice dealing never bothered him.
    In truth it had. How could people be so ready to kill each other, he would wonder. While now he understood the willingness to kill now, the little boy he had been hadn't gotten there yet.
    Other than with Waldo, the stupid, slimy man who had kept him and his mother enslaved. Even when he was younger, if Anakin could have killed him, he would have. Maybe then his mother wouldn't be dead.
    Most of the time, when Anakin thought about his mother's death, he blamed himself. That did change.
    The sand that moved under the Jedi's feet, always made him think of home. It was never pleasant, but he would go where he was needed. The council would still ask from time to time, mindful of his trauma, if he was sure about taking the missions. Every time he would say yes.
    The sun's heat beat down on Anakin and Obi-wan. Another thing that bothered him. With his tolerance of the heat, Anakin never thought that it made sense for it to bother him so much. Maybe it wasn't the heat, but instead the memories.
    "You seem distracted" Obi-wan told him. The two walked side by side. At first Anakin didn't say anything. So Kenobi continued, "are you okay?"
    "Feels too damn much like home" Anakin scowled. "The sand and the heat, they just remind me of Tatooine."
    Thinking about what to say in response, Obi-wan nodded. "If you need anything-"
    "I'm fine" Anakin interrupted. Again, the older Jedi nodded.
    Anakin wasn't sure if he was actually okay. Still, what else was he going to say. 'Reminds me of my dead mother, of the first nine years of my life when I was a slave who had to win his freedom by winning a pod race?' Yeah he didn't think so. The sand kept moving under his feet and he knew that it would be everywhere later.
    Still, he couldn't afford to let his disdain of sand get in his way. The man has a mission to accomplish, a bunch of tiny rocks would not stop him. So, with the memories of his old home clouding his head, the two Jedi moved forward.
                          ………………
    After the mission, Anakin sat in his bed. He tossed his shoes off of his feet and ignored the sand that fell onto his floor. The thoughts of his mother's death always made him angry and unpredictable. Obi-wan knew this. It felt like his last master had been watching him excessively. It wasn't like he couldn't control it, at least that's what he liked to think.
    While the mission was a success, Anakin had no real sense of accomplishment. It was the same feeling he would get back in Tatooine. Laying down, the man tried not to think about it. No good would come from it. Hopefully he would get a break from the sand.
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coquelicoq · 1 year
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my ex, who lives alone, is apparently about to buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, 2-garage house. what. i'm getting stressed out just hearing about it. tf you gonna do with all that space, bro? how you gonna clean all those bathrooms???
#he's like well i want one room for my home office and one room for my hobby and one guest room#add in a bedroom for him and that's still only 4 bedrooms? you have an entire extra bedroom????#plus an extra garage???#damn he thinks he's lonely now but dude just you wait until you spend every day ALONE IN A FIVE-BEDROOM HOUSE#trying not to project too much onto him but i really think this is absurd outside of my own preferences#he's been stressed living in his 1b apt bc his hobby takes up a lot of space#but i think this is just another example of his general propensity to treat the symptoms and not the disease#the problem is he's overcommitting & extending himself too much & he never finishes anything#that's what actually stresses him out#so him in a 5b house is just going to be him filling all that space with stuff until he's stressed again#anyway i have NO IDEA how to react to this because i think it's such a bad idea#i'm really bad at faking things i don't feel but i feel like it's too late to say 'wyd bro???' because apparently his offer was accepted#i did ask him how he's going to clean 4 bathrooms and he said he's just not going to use them#also it feels weird morally for a single (rich) man to buy an entire 5b house only for him in the middle of the seattle housing crisis#not like if he didn't buy it someone else would buy it and make it into affordable housing units so maybe it doesn't matter#still feels weird though and contributes to me not knowing how to react#if you have any advice for me followers...i am all ears#i've been really floundering on how to be a supportive friend to him lately#just really struggling with how to engage with him when it feels like he's his own worst enemy#and like it's not that he needs to have the same priorities as me it's just that he comes to me all stressed out and idk how to react#bc 'no shit you're stressed out. have you tried making completely different choices?' isn't a great option lol
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rubiesintherough · 8 months
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#gonna try to do some writing today but motivation is real low.#i guess that's what happens when you get called stupid useless and lazy to your face by someone who then expects you#to bow and scrape and wait on them hand and foot#and also now im expected to pay the electric bill on top of doing all the housework. literally all of it. in a home of 3#fucking adults. and bow im also the one having to handle a lot of maintenance work around the place on top of keeping#it spotless bc no one else 'feels like doing it'#and the whole time i get to be insulted and told that im fat. stupid. lazy. while im cleajing up their messes. and fixing stuff for them.#and doing a bunch of cooking bc they get pissy if i dont also feed them on top of doing literally all the housework. and maintenance work.#and also now being expected to pay half the electric bill. again house of 3 people. and im not even allowed to take a hot shower when i need#to in order to get the pain spikes under control from yknow. flaring up my fibro from overworking myself CLEANING AND TAKING CARE OF THE#DAMN HOUSE FOR THEM#bc it takes too much electricity. the electricity i mostly paid for last month#sorry i needed to get that out#suicide tw#abuse tw#not me debating offing myself bc theres no end in sight and no way out and i cant keep going from one abusive situation to another#and just trying to survive. almost 30 yrs old and ive never once felt safe or at home anywhere ive ever lived. not once. in almost 30#years have i ever felt safe. or like im my own person. or that im valued. or wanted. or listened to. not once in almost 30 years#have i ever felt like im actually loved (wanted) beyond my usefullness.#shit sucks man. anyway sorry for the spam of negativity lately. im not trying to be a downer.#gonna go hang out in my inbox for a while and see if anything pops out that my muses wanna jump on 🤞
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moe-broey · 1 month
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It's not even that I believe I'll die young it's more like I just genuinely feel like I don't have a place in the world. Like. What now lmfao
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lesbiantrish · 5 months
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why can i never breathe lol
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professionaljester · 10 months
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love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how
#abc shut it#vent#i’m so lonely it’s not even funny#my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone#i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it#i’m so bored and lonely all the time#my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine#like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :)#like i know part of it is the depression but#idk i just don’t do anything when i get home#sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours—#after work are gone and i have to go to bed#like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket#like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server#like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected#to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life#and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone#i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol#like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone#and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say#and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like#i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t#that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting#or being too much
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