#fic: forgiveness (i would redo it all if i could)

[dkfile]

forgiveness (i would redo it all if i could)

❛ sure, the joy you exhibit is at his expense, but he can’t bring himself to care. jaemin would walk on burning hot coal if you asked him to. ❜

word count | 7.0k (7,009) genre | fluff with slight angst, humour, pining, idiots 2 lovers lol ━ fratboy!jaemin

the five times jaemin begs for forgiveness apologizes — and the one time you get a taste of your own medicine.

★ warnings | vomiting, humiliation (? not really but), alcohol consumption, and characters jumping to conclusions ★ author’s note | i wrote this instead of studying and it initially started as a drabble but the moment i finished the first part i realized i would just have to keep going. so i did. hope u enjoy this monster ❤️‍🩹

one.

The air reeks of hard liquor. You feel it stick to your skin the moment you step inside the frat house, trailing behind Lia as she zigzags her way through the crowd and into the kitchen. She’s a creature of habit, always following a routine, so it doesn’t surprise you when her first order of business is getting the both of you a drink.

Still, the vodka does nothing to contain your nerves. Bitterly, you eye Lia from the corner of your eye as she makes chit-chat with some friends from her Psychology class; she promised this party would put you out of your misery, but you have been here for all of three minutes and your misery has yet to be put out.

You had hoped — prayed — the trashy EDM and stench of sweat mixed with booze would have a quick effect on your aching heart, that it would snap you out of the wallowing you’ve been doing for the past two days, that it would make you forget about the 25 text messages and 10 missed calls you’ve left unanswered.

But, alas, here you are.

Lia makes quick movements out of the kitchen after spotting another friend of hers, gripping your wrists as if you’re a felon and her hands are the cuffs, and this frat, with its roaring partygoers and sticky floors, was your own personal prison. She casts a brief look over her shoulder, notices your expression has yet to change from the scowl you sported the moment you stepped outside, and eyes you with apologetic pity but does not loosen her grip on your limbs.

“Lia!”

She stops, quickly hides you behind her. You’re about to bite out a response before your face falls at the sound of the greeting that falls from Lia’s lips.

“Hi, Donghyuck.”

“Lia! How have you been?”

“Mm, great,” she replies, curt, but Donghyuck waves off her behaviour. He either doesn’t care about it or is too inebriated to do so — your guess is the former.

“How’d you do on that Psych test? Question three had me fucked up.”

“Kind of like how you are right now?”

Over Lia’s shoulder, you catch a glimpse of Donghyuck’s eye roll. “Ha ha, very funny,” he says before bringing a can of beer to his face. He gives it a shake, signifying that there’s still liquid in it. “I’m still on my first can.”

“That’s nice, Hyuck,” Lia sighs. “But I have to go, I’ll talk to you later? Chaewon needs me.”

“Oh, Chaewon! I haven’t seen her in forever. Where is she?”

Donghyuck begins to scan the room as Lia says, “Over by—” his eyes land on you peeking over Lia’s shoulder, “—the beer pong table.”

The excitement on his face falters, he blinks thrice, and as if snapped out of his reverie, his grin turns smug. Lia’s voice dies down as Donghyuck glances over to where a group of frat boys, rowdy and energetic (are they fighting for the title of life of the fucking party?) while he muses, “Haven’t seen you in a bit, Y/N.”

“I saw you last Friday,” you clear your throat when you hear the hoarse scratch in your voice. “Besides, I’ve been busy.”

Sarcastically, Donghyuck says, “Oh, I’m sure.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing in particular,” he smiles, looking at you for a brief moment before returning his attention to his frat brothers. He makes eye contact with a boy, fading pink hair appearing orange under the lights, heavy eyelids opening fully at the sight of you. “It’s just weird, isn’t it, that I haven’t seen you since Friday?”

“Not… really?” you furrow your eyebrows. “We don’t have any classes together.”

He gives you a look. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

At the sound of quick footsteps, Lia glances to her side. At the sight of the very reason you’ve been holed up in your room the entire weekend, she tugs your wrists.

“We should go,” she says.

“Wha— why—?”

“Y/N!”

You jump far enough to release Lia’s hold on you. Donghyuck’s laugh is silenced by a stomp on his foot; the expletives he grunts at Lia goes through one of your ears and out the other — as people’s words often do when Na Jaemin enters your vicinity and punctures your comfortable little bubble.

He’s a sight for sore eyes — so, so beautiful, with his shirt half-tucked into his baggy jeans and a bajillion rings adorning his fingers. He gives you a smile laced with careful excitement, as if you are something to be cautious about, a ticking time bomb.

And suddenly, you’re transported back to Friday night, sitting in a restaurant in the fanciest getup you’ve stolen from one of your friends. Everything buzzes around you. You swear your senses have been heightened — you catch every pitiful glance, hear every sympathetic whisper, smell the desperation radiating off your chest.

Despite all of this, despite all your prayers for any sign of fortune, your phone screen stays black. Void of any texts or calls or even Instagram notifications.

The waiter, ever patient and remorseful, takes slow steps to your table. You take this as your sign to leave.

You ignore the first apology Jaemin sends eight hours later, and all the following others.

Over the noise, he shouts, “Can we talk?”

Your hands find Lia’s. “We need to go.”

Jaemin’s hands find yours. “Y/N.” He lets a drop of pathetic desperation taint his voice. “Please?”

“We have nothing to talk about,” you say.

“I’ll take five minutes.”

You don’t know what it is that gets you to give in. Maybe there’s a small part of you that wants to believe him. There’s a sliver of hope you cling to — like a child begging his parents for a new trinket while he stands in the toy section of a store — and it’s the reason for your downfall. It’s why you even said yes to him in the first place, sitting in the atrium of one of the science buildings as you both waited for the rainfall to stop.

Before you two had split ways, Jaemin had promised, “You won’t regret it.”

And yet…

Still, despite these broken agreements, you nod, allow him to take you to the porch despite Lia’s wariness and every voice in your head shouting at you not to.

He slides the glass door closed, muffling the noisiness of the party in the process. You shiver at the sudden gust of wind.

“Do you want a jacket?”

“No, I’m okay.”

“Really? Mine’s only on the couch, it’s no trouble—��

“Jaemin, I’m fine,” you bite.

The venom is enough to get him to back off.

The silence that falls between the two of you only lasts a few moments. The alcohol has made Jaemin jittery and impatient, but he’s soft in the way he says, “I’m sorry.”

You huff, placing your cup of fruit punch on the porch. “What for?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Well... isn’t it obvious?”

You tilt your head, leaning over the railing as Jaemin centres his hip against it. He faces you, drenched in remorse, and you face away, engulfed in humiliation.

“I guess it is. But I want to hear you say it.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there on Friday,” he murmurs. In the corner of your eye, you see him inch closer, and your skin begins to tingle at the sensation — but then, with words sharpened with knives, he adds, “I’m sorry for standing you up.”

Shame washes over you like a pail of cold water on a hot summer’s day. This is what you wanted, you remind yourself, for him to admit it. But that doesn’t stop it from hurting any less.

“Okay.”

“Y/N,” he almost pleads. His hands twitch at his sides, begging to touch your shoulder, your face, your hands, anything. The vodka doesn’t mix well with his regret and he thinks he might vomit if he doesn’t find something to anchor himself back to Earth. The railing isn’t enough — he needs you.

But he has enough self-control to back off. He hurt you, he shouldn’t be allowed to touch you.

“You know, you flirted with me for four months,” you begin, voice wavering. “And I thought you were excited for the date. I mean, you looked excited.”

“I was.”

“Well, not enough to show up.”

“Y/N, come on—” he takes a step towards you, grips the railing a little harder. His stomach growls at him to stop moving. “Just let me explain. I just need a couple minutes, that’s all. And then you can decide whether you still want anything to do with me.”

You glare at him, though it’s not sharp enough to sting. “I’d rather not waste my time.”

“I’ll be quick. I promise.”

You stare, and while you do so, he uses the free time to try and decipher your expression. Futile.

“I think we should be having this conversation while you’re sober.”

“What are you talking about? I’m completely fine!”

A glance inside. Your eyes lock with Lia’s. “Sure. But you’re slurring your words, Jaem.”

Jaem. A nickname. That’s a good sign, right?

“I can make it through a conversation,” he promises. “Really. Just trust me.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk right now,” you tell him. “It’s— it’s just better for me if we do this when you’re in your right mind, okay? So can it wait?”

And then all fight leaves his body. He supposes he can wait another day for your forgiveness. 24 more hours can’t hurt.

“Okay,” he agrees softly.

You manage a smile and give him a nod before gesturing you’re going back inside. He murmurs that he’ll see you in a bit, despite the fact that he knows you and Lia will be making your way back to the dorms the moment the glass door slides open.

As you begin to walk away, Jaemin notices that you’ve left your cup on the railing. He grabs it, “Wait—” he says, lurching forward.

Oh. He definitely shouldn’t have done that.

A loud gasp falls from your lips. Jaemin stands to his full height, eyes wide with shock as he wipes the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.

You won’t look at him. You’re looking at your shoes and scrunching your nose at the rancid stench that begins to fill the night air.

Well. At least Jaemin’s stomach is feeling better.

two.

Flowers are fucking expensive.

Jaemin realizes this as soon as he leaves the flower shop Renjun works at (according to Renjun, Jaemin fucked up so bad he doesn’t even deserve a discount) but decides not to dwell on the dent in his bank account as he begins the trek to your dorm. He keeps an eye on the cloudy sky, murmuring pleas under his breath for it to not rain — the last thing he needs is for the bouquet he spent good money on to get soaked.

When he enters your building, his exhaustion replaced with nerves, he almost doesn’t notice the lively figure walking out of the elevator.

The way Liu Yangyang steps foot into the lobby, radiating all things bright and holy, is blinding. Jaemin resists the urge to flinch when Yangyang gives him a wide smile.

“Hey, Jaemin!” he greets, barely concealing his confusion at Jaemin’s suit and the big bouquet of flowers. “Do you have a date? At 10am on a Saturday?”

“Oh! No,” says Jaemin. “I’m apologizing.”

“Ah. I didn’t know you were dating someone.”

“Oh, I’m not!” Jaemin corrects, plastering an embarrassed smile. “But, uh, I fucked up, so… it’s the least I could do. And, well, I wanted to do this, so—”

“Still. A bouquet this big is expensive,” Yangyang quirks an eyebrow, plucking the card out of the large array of flowers. His eyes scan the paper. And then again. And again. Jaemin wonders if Renjun’s pulled a prank on him and wrote something ghastly on it.

When Yangyang finally looks up, glancing from the card to the elevator, Jaemin asks, “What? What’s wrong? What does the card say? Fuck, did Renjun do something? I’m gonna kill—”

“No, the card’s fine,” Yangyang snorts, placing it back where he found it. “It’s just... you’re the guy, huh?”

“Sorry?”

“The one that stood Y/N up? The one that they were complaining about when I dropped by this morning?”

There is so much to unpack here. However, Jaemin can only manage a flabbergasted, “Wait, what?”

Yangyang laughs, gives Jaemin a pat on the back, then bids him a goodbye. He’s left the building before Jaemin can even think of a follow-up question, leaving him standing alone in the lobby, dress shirt haphazardly tucked into his pants, hair swept up from the wind, and his right hand limply gripping the flowers — the perfect picture of disaster.

It takes him a while to finally move, and when he does, a new unpleasant feeling sinks in his chest.

But then you open the door, and momentarily, the feeling disappears.

“Hi,” he says with a gentle smile. With two hands, he presents you with the bouquet, which you carefully take, eyes sparkling in awe.

You absentmindedly step to the side to let him in while your fingers carefully brush the flowers. “Jaemin, you didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to.”

“But you didn’t have to.”

“Well, I did,” he argues with no malice. He slips off his shoes and follows you to your desk, watching as you place the flowers in a vase, “so you’re gonna have to deal with it.”

He sees you roll your eyes. Still, you say, “Thank you.”

He beams. “You’re welcome.”

You lean against the back of your chair, folding your arms over your chest. Jaemin tries not to let your sudden indifference affect him. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Sorry I threw up all over you last night,” he winces.

You wave him off. “It’s fine. Those shoes were worn out, anyway. I was looking for a reason to throw them out.”

“I’m sorry for Friday too.”

Jaemin notices you cave yourself in. Your gaze has hardened and the tension has made you stiff. Something much more painful than guilt sinks its claws into his beating heart.

He thinks, even if he were bleeding apologies, that it still wouldn’t be enough to deserve your forgiveness.

“It’s okay,” you shrug. “We’re fine now.”

“Okay… But are you sure?”

You blink.

Jaemin continues, “I really want to make it up to you.”

You move to lay against the headboard of your bed, playing with the controls of your alarm clock to avoid eye contact. “And you have.”

“I have?”

You take one long look at him, raise an eyebrow at the state of his outfit, before commenting — with your amusement thinly veiled behind the lingering hurt, “Oh, definitely.”

Everything in Jaemin malfunctions at the sound of your voice. The familiar mellow glee shakes him to his core. He leans against your desk chair, refusing to break eye contact despite your determination to not look at him for longer than five seconds.

He kicks the foot of your bed. Not hard enough to scare you, but enough to glance at him in annoyance. “I’m being serious,” he says. “I’ll humiliate myself if I have to. Do you want me to beg for forgiveness in front of everybody? I’ll do it. I can do it by the fountain at the centre of campus, or maybe the cafeteria. Or maybe at the next party—!”

“Jaemin.”

“I can do it at the coffee shop. Not the one near here, but the artsy one. I'm guaranteed to get a lot of judgemental stares there.”

“Jaemin,” you interrupt. You’re staring at him now, the alarm clock long forgotten. “You don’t need to do any of that. I mean, would it be funny? Yeah, definitely. But I want an explanation more than anything. That’s what you promised me last night, anyway — if you remember.”

Jaemin tries his best not to wince. He’d love to tell you the truth, really, but when he had relayed what happened to Renjun, he was met with a slap on the back of his head and different variations of “This is really embarrassing for you, man.” Last night, he was more than happy to explain the reason for his absence on Friday, but that was because there was alcohol in his system.

Could Jaemin humiliate himself in front of strangers and his friends? Sure, no problem. But you were a completely different story.

Every move he’s made, every decision he’s followed through, has been to impress you. He doesn’t know what he would do if he ever blew that up.

“Oh. Okay, well, you see…” Jaemin begins sheepishly, scratching the nape of his neck. “That’s a funny story.”

You frown. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine, Jaemin, but I don’t really wanna waste my time listening to excuses.” You turn to your side, taking interest in the alarm clock again as you grumble under your breath, “I’ve done enough of that already.”

The speed at which desperation consumes him is worrying. One minute he’s standing near your desk, the next he’s crouching to enter your field of vision. He’s next to your bedside table now, eyebrows furrowed and about two minutes away from begging.

“Okay, okay, no, you’re right,” he gulps. “Okay. It’s really embarrassing, though. It wasn’t my best moment.”

You don’t answer, instead giving him a look that urges him to continue.

“It’s dumb, alright, so don’t laugh,” he inhales. “A few hours before our date I went to the gym with Hyuck—” (Donghyuck had convinced him doing so would make him look so much better for the date) “—and I was exhausted. So, when we got back I… I fell asleep.”

“...What?”

“I took a nap,” he grumbles, more upset at himself than at your disbelief. “I was so tired and I didn’t want to go out with you if I was out of it, so I went to bed, and I thought I set an alarm for myself, but… I guess I didn’t. Next thing you know, I’m waking up at 1am, completely out of it, until Renjun barges into my room asking me how everything went.”

You stare blankly. “You… you fell asleep.”

He grimaces. He prepares himself for the brunt of your rage. It’s what he thinks he deserves — missing something he’s been wanting for months, looking forward to for days, all because he took a nap? He swears on heaven and Earth that he’s more mad at himself than you are at him.

But then you laugh.

It starts off as an incredulous snort before you start laughing in his face. And once he’s gotten over his initial shock at your reaction, Jaemin cracks a smile. Mostly because this is the first time he’s seen you happy since last week. He underestimated how much he missed all of this — sure, the joy you exhibit is at his expense, but he can’t bring himself to care. Jaemin would walk on burning hot coal if you asked him to.

Raindrops begin to land on your window as the sky becomes darker. Jaemin should be dreading the moment he has to step outside and walk back to the frat.

(But…)

“You’re not lying?” you guffaw. “You’re completely serious?”

“Unfortunately,” Jaemin deadpans.

You burst into another fit of giggles.

(He thinks the sight of your smile just made his entire week.)

(He says so to Donghyuck when he gets home and is asked why he’s soaking wet and giddy. To which Donghyuck replies with a roll of his eyes and, “Jaemin, you are so fucking whipped.”)

three.

There are many things Donghyuck has seen Jaemin do in the name of love.

But this? This is definitely going at the top of the list of the worst things he’s ever done.

The act itself is mild. If Donghyuck was told about this then he wouldn’t even consider putting this in the top 10. But he isn’t the recipient of a storytime. Instead, he’s with Jaemin, standing with him at a supermarket thirty minutes after closing in his Kuromi pajamas.

Tonight, Jaemin isn’t only embarrassing himself, but he’s dragging Donghyuck along with him.

“Please,” Jaemin begs the tired employee on the other side of the locked doors. “I just need one thing.”

The employee locks eyes with Donghyuck. Donghyuck wants to crawl into a hole and die.

The catalyst of this impromptu trip to the grocery store is you. More specifically, what you posted on your close friends story. You had been baking but realized you don’t have any more baking soda, so Jaemin took it upon himself to drive to the store and get some for you.

You didn’t even ask him to.

“Don’t we have baking soda at home?” Donghyuck hisses under his breath, grabbing Jaemin’s elbow while the 16-year-old employee explains for the nth time, “No, sir, I can’t unlock this door. Like, I literally can’t. I don’t have the code.”

“No,” Jaemin snatches his elbow back. Donghyuck wonders how they both look, standing in their matching Melody and Kuromi pajamas in the middle of the night. “Jeno and Mark used all of it up, remember? For some bake sale.”

“I think they were raising money for the frat, Jaemin.”

“Oh, fuck the frat.”

Donghyuck snorts. “Dude.”

“What?”

Donghyuck throws his arms up in defence before tugging Jaemin towards the parking lot. He waves apologetically to the employee, who only shakes her head in response, and ignores Jaemin’s whining and thrashing as they make their way to his car.

“Okay,” Donghyuck says firmly, crossing his arms. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. “Uh-huh, sure. It’s not like you’ve been moody for the past few days or anything.”

Jaemin throws him an irritated look. Then he runs a hand over his face and through his hair. “Sorry.”

Donghyuck waves a hand of dismissal. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I fucked up big time,” Jaemin sighs. “With Y/N.”

“Again?”

“What? No! Do you have no faith in me?” At Donghyuck’s silence, Jaemin kicks his shoe. “No, it’s just… I don’t know. I have no idea what it’s gonna take for them to give me another chance.”

“Didn’t they forgive you already?”

“Yeah, but… you know.”

He doesn’t. You and Donghyuck are more so acquaintances than friends, but even if that wasn’t the case, he thinks nobody in this world could ever know you as well as Jaemin does.

Plus, he’s pretty sure Jaemin’s just making excuses not to put himself out there again.

So, Donghyuck asks, “Have you asked them out again?”

“Well…”

“You can’t be serious.”

“You don’t understand!” Jaemin groans. “I’m scared!”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and starts typing a number into his phone. Jaemin is too busy listing off reasons on why you’d reject him to notice, and only stops his rambling when a groggy voice echoes off the speakerphone.

“Hello?”

Jaemin blinks, confused. “Y/N?”

“Jaemin?” you say, suddenly awake. Donghyuck places his phone in Jaemin’s hands and enters the car to give you two some privacy. “Why are you calling me from Hyuck’s phone?”

“Oh, I…” Jaemin starts, “My phone’s dead.”

“Oh,” you say. Jaemin presses the phone to his ear and closes his eyes as he leans against the hood of the car. “Why’d you call?”

“I, uh…” Jaemin murmurs, “I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

If he was being honest, Jaemin’s surprised you forgave him so quickly. He thought he would have to grovel a little more, suffer for a few more days, before you finally flashed him a smile and a murmur of “It’s okay.” He asked you about this last night, his curiosity peaking past midnight with the only source of light in his bedroom being the blue light from his phone.

From: Y/N

I mean, it’s not like you’ve ever lied to me?

Unless you did. If you did, you are so done for, Jaem.

To: Y/N

I didn’t! I swear to God I didn’t

From: Y/N

Yeah, I figured

I’m messing with you lol

I trust you

Maybe this means he has a chance. He considers shooting his shot right then and there, but then he glances at the sky, figures now is not the right time. You deserve so much more than a hesitant question whispered into his best friend’s phone, the stars hidden behind a large blanket of clouds.

“I… I couldn’t get you the baking soda.”

A pause. “Oh?”

“Yeah. The store’s closed.”

“Oh,” you whisper with a little more understanding. Softly, you reply, “That’s okay, Jaem.”

four.

For the past few days, Jaemin’s hands have been finding you.

It’s in gentle touches. He pats your shoulder before bidding goodbye, picks off a piece of lint in your hair before flicking it away, brushes your skin with his every time he gives you a gift. Every touch is accompanied with a smile — lambent albeit unsure — and every smile is accompanied with a soft call of your name.

The next time he touches you is when he hands you a bag. It isn’t heavy, but when you peek inside, you frown.

“What is this?” you ask.

He flashes you his signature grin. “What does it look like? They’re shoes.”

His retort is met with silence. Jaemin is left to listen to the bustling of the hallway as you stare at the relatively new sneakers he’s handed you. His grin wavers, ever so slightly, though it really shouldn’t matter because it goes unnoticed.

“I can see that,” you mutter. “But why?”

“Consider it an apology. It’s the least I could do after I… you know…”

“Threw up on me?”

Jaemin huffs. “Yeah.”

You clear your throat, pushing the shoes into his chest. “I don’t think I should take this.”

“What? Why not?”

You shrug, resting the handles of the grey plastic bag on his fingertips before walking around him to head to the exit. He’s quick to follow, barely dodging lingering professors and boisterous students that obscure his path. You don’t bother to slow down, eyeing the time on your wrist with a frown. Fuck, you were supposed to be at the mall five minutes ago.

You glance over your shoulder to see if Jaemin’s still lagging behind you. “It’s nice and all, but I don’t think you ruining my sneakers meant you had to buy me new ones as an apology.”

“I disagree. Besides, I didn’t even buy them! I stole them—!” You halt, causing Jaemin to crash into you. The both of you stagger, struggling to regain your composure. He coughs, muttering an apology before adding, “—from Renjun’s closet.”

“What the hell!” you exclaim. “Why didn’t you say that sooner! I thought you were a felon.”

Jaemin gasps incredulously, ignoring the odd gazes thrown in his direction. “How dare you. You know I don’t have the mental capacity to plan a successful heist. Too tiring,” he tilts his head, “You gotta admit, though, I’d look very good on a wanted poster.”

Silence. You continue walking to the student parking lot.

Another gasp, and then— “Hey, wait, don’t just walk away. Are you disagreeing with me?” An overdramatic whine falls from Jaemin’s lips. You are no match for your own mirth. It doesn’t waver, no matter how much you try to fight the smile that threatens to split your face apart. “Are you calling me ugly?”

“Way to jump to conclusions,” you quip.

His hand clasps around yours, stopping your movements. “You’re not denying it!”

A laugh, caged too long in your chest, escapes. It dances in the air, free. “You’re definitely not ugly, Jaemin. The very opposite, actually,” you pause, “But no matter how much you pout and whine, I will not be taking these shoes.”

“But I stole them just for you!”

(A passerby mutters a “What?” to her friend).

“Yes, it’s very Robin Hood of you to do this for me,” you agree, briefly placing two hands on his cheeks and ignoring the way his skin begins to warm. “But what if Renjun finds out? You know he scares me!”

“Pfft. Renjun would never hurt you.”

Your hands fall from his face and back to your sides. He immediately craves your touch again, even though he’s certain it’ll burn his skin. “I’m not taking these. But thank you,” you give him a smile, a much tamer one this time, but it makes his heart stutter all the same. “Really, Jaemin. I appreciate it.”

I appreciate you, you almost say. From the way Jaemin’s eyes flicker to your lips, you wonder if he knows you almost did.

“I—”

“Y/N! You slowpoke! Hurry up!”

Jaemin snaps his head to the direction of the voice. His lips part at the sight of Yangyang trudging across the quad, hands tucked into his pockets. Despite Yangyang’s impatient words, he’s grinning.

What’s worse, Jaemin thinks, is that you are, too.

You give Jaemin one last look before waving. Before you leave, you promise something. He isn’t quite sure what — maybe you’ll text him tonight, see him tomorrow, email him the answers to the Chemistry practice tests later. Nothing you say can sway Jaemin’s focus from Yangyang’s arm, resting on your shoulder as he drags you towards his car.

A hand reaches into Jaemin’s chest, squeezes his heart.

He tries not to think too much of it.

five.

There are three things needed to spark a wildfire. Oxygen, fuel, and ignition.

Jaemin finds himself in an unfamiliar apartment on Saturday night, glued to Renjun’s side, as his friend drifts across the space like a butterfly soaring through the sky. Tonight is supposed to be carefree, a distraction from looming final exams, but Jaemin can’t help but feel a heavy weight in his pockets. His texts, sent 12 hours ago, are yet to be met with a response, and he’s getting fidgety. So much so that it’s hindering his chance of a good time.

Renjun tries his best to ignore him but all attempts end up futile. Once an acquaintance excuses himself to go to the restroom, Renjun nudges Jaemin and hisses (although he does it in a way that comes off as benign), “Can you stop acting like you’ve got ants crawling up your ass? Y/N will get back to you soon enough. Maybe they’re busy.”

Jaemin sighs, clenches his fist, then nods. “Yeah. Right. Sorry.”

Renjun looks at him sympathetically. “It’s okay. Just don’t stress.”

He manages to distract himself for a couple more minutes, engaging in conversations despite his dying social battery, and plasters a smile that he hopes Renjun deems decent enough.

This get-together is far different from any of the parties the frat has thrown, but its unfamiliarity tames the waves of worry clouding Jaemin’s brain, if only for a moment.

Everything in him comes alive, though, when the door swings open and a call of your name hangs in the air.

He’s plunged into a pool of relief at the sight of you. It’s almost as if the air has been knocked out of his lungs.

Maybe tonight won’t be so bad after all.

Oxygen.

He lazily mutters an excuse to Renjun and another acquaintance before walking towards the door. This conversation is the least of his worries especially when you’re standing in the doorway, radiant as ever.

When you spot him, he swears your eyes light up.

“Hey!” you greet, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Renjun dragged me here,” Jaemin tries his best to appear nonchalant, though the only person he appears to be fooling is himself, “he said I needed a change of scenery.”

“Well, I’m glad he did.”

Something akin to hope settles in the pit of his stomach. “You are?”

You hum. “Yeah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love these get-togethers, but you make things a little more memorable.”

He grins. He can’t help it. “Just a little?”

“Alright,” you snort. “Don’t push it.”

A buzz. You take your phone out and, at the sight of the notification, your mood dampens — only slightly, but Jaemin notices nonetheless.

“Oh, by the way, did you get my texts?”

“Huh?” you glance up. “Oh. Maybe? Sorry, I’ve been so out of it. You would not believe the day I’ve had.”

“Ah. And here I thought you were ignoring me,” he says it in a way that’s insouciant, but you don’t miss the tension slowly easing out of his shoulders.

“I would never.”

“I mean, you did a few weeks ago.”

You hit his arm playfully. “Okay, well, you deserved that.” You tuck your phone back into your pocket. “I’m really sorry, though. I didn’t mean to screen you. What’d you send, anyway?”

“Nothing important,” he says. Really, it had just been a couple tweets he thought you would find funny. “How was your day?”

Before you can respond, someone enters, heaving. Yangyang, dressed head to toe in black, huffs out a breath as he slips off his dress shoes. He walks over to you, almost slipping when his socked feet meet tile, but he manages to save himself as he hands you a wallet.

Something feels off.

Fuel.

“Holy fuck,” Yangyang exhales tiredly. “You would not believe the kind of shit I had to go through to get that back. You owe me big time— oh! Hey, Jaemin!”

“Hi,” Jaemin replies, eyes flickering between you and Yangyang. It’s at that moment he clocks that the two of you are matching, both in flushed cheeks and attire. Suddenly, Jaemin feels underdressed in his grey hoodie and light-washed jeans. “Uh, you guys look nice.”

“Oh, thanks!” says Yangyang. Then he scans the other people in the apartment. “Wait, what the hell? I thought Lia said to dress formally!”

He gives neither you nor Jaemin time to reply. He’s already off, mingling with others as he hunts Lia down, presumably to question her about the dress code, leaving you and Jaemin in the dust.

You don’t say anything in Yangyang’s absence, so Jaemin decides he’ll bite.

“Why did he have your wallet?”

Your mood has changed. You scratch your neck nervously and give him a smile he can’t quite decipher. This one is different than the usual ones you give him. Is it— tinted with shame?

“Oh,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest. Slowly but surely, the tension that was once in Jaemin’s body enters yours. “Funny story.”

Jaemin tries his best to sound lighthearted. “From the way you look it doesn’t seem like a funny story.”

“Got me there,” you chuckle, devoid of hilarity. “It’s— well, I was on a date—”

Oh. That’s why you never responded to him.

Yangyang, always impeccable with his timing, appears in Jaemin’s line of sight again. He isn’t quite sure what Yangyang says — something about the dress code, he assumes. But what he is sure of is Yangyang’s hand around your wrist, dragging you deep into the crevices of the apartment, away from Jaemin.

It all makes sense now. Yangyang dropping by your apartment, Yangyang’s arm over your shoulder, Yangyang arriving the same time as you at a gathering Jaemin didn’t even want to be at.

Any and all hope flies out the window, dissolving in the acidity of his heartbreak.

He pulls out his phone, texts you again, only this one is more formal than the rest.

To: Y/N

Had to go. Sorry we couldn’t talk more. I’ll see you.

He waits a couple minutes but never receives a reply.

Ignition.

Everything in him begins to burn.

one.

It rains on Sunday.

Jaemin finds himself sitting just under the lip of the roof, watching as rainfall creates puddles in the miniature pits in the backyard. The humidity allows for sweat to adhere his clothes to his skin; it’s an unpleasant feeling, one he’s too lazy to fix by getting up and going back inside, so he’s grateful for the sudden breeze that causes him to shiver.

A jacket is suddenly draped over his shoulders. A figure takes a seat beside him.

“What are you doing out here?”

Your presence only adds to the warmth he’s already feeling.

“Oh, you know…” Jaemin murmurs as you make yourself comfortable on the porch, “wallowing.”

“Ah,” you hum. “As one does.”

“As one does,” he repeats.

You let a few raindrops land on your shoes before you ask, “Am I allowed to ask why?”

He kicks a pebble under his feet. “I don’t know. I just feel weird, I guess? I can’t explain it.”

Lie. He knows exactly why he feels under the weather, and from the way your eyes don’t leave his face, you know he’s lying, too.

“Do you feel better than you did yesterday?”

“Hm?”

“Renjun let me in,” you explain, “I asked him what happened to you last night and he said you just weren’t feeling it, so…”

He nods slowly. “Oh! Uh — yeah. Yeah.”

He clears his throat awkwardly. In the corner of his eye, he sees you raise an eyebrow and turn your head towards the backyard, watching as the rain becomes more aggressive, rapidly pattering against any surface it finds, staining the trees and the ground and the wood of the porch.

Inside, he can hear soft murmurs between his frat brothers. There is the occasional laugh and loud outburst, and it tugs on his heartstrings. It’s much happier inside than it is out here — here, Jaemin’s sulking and brokenhearted and you’re next to him, hiding under the blanket of his heartache.

“How’s Yangyang?” he questions before he can stop himself.

You try your best to hide your surprise. “Uh, he’s fine? I haven’t spoken to him at all today.”

“And your date?”

Your eyes light up. Game over, Jaemin thinks as you turn your body to face him, excitement making the rain falter. “Oh, yeah, I was gonna tell you about it last night!” Jaemin sucks in a breath, “It was awful.”

He blinks. “Huh?”

“Yeah, remind me to never listen to Yangyang ever again,” you snicker with a shake of your head. “He’d been bothering me for months about how I’m, apparently, chronically single. And he thought the only way to fix that was to set me up with a stranger from his Microbio class.”

Jaemin’s moved to look at you dead in the eye now, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed as he tries to process all the information you’ve just spewed out. “Wait, I’m sorry, what?”

You misinterpret his confusion for incredulity. “Right! But I went along with it, which I really shouldn’t have — I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you about it before I went, but it completely slipped my mind. I guess karma got me back, though, ‘cause the guy was terrible — he was so boring, Jaem. So I went to the bathroom to text Yangyang to pick me up, but I was stupid enough to leave my bag at the table. The guy stole my fucking wallet, so I had to—”

“Wait,” Jaemin interrupts, jaw slack. “So you weren’t on a date with Yangyang?”

You scrunch your nose up in disgust. “No. What?”

Jaemin doesn’t reply.

“Jaemin—”

“Never mind.”

You stare at him as he repositions himself to face the backyard again. The both of you hear more clamor in the kitchen, but it’s all drowned out by the laugh that escapes your mouth.

He lasts about ten seconds avoiding your eye contact — at the sound of your amusement, Jaemin whips his head to look at you.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize, covering your mouth with a hand. “I’m so sorry. That’s not — okay, well, it’s a little funny.”

“Alright, I get it,” Jaemin grumbles, though he softens when you lean on his shoulder for support.

“Why the hell would you think that?”

Jaemin shrugs the shoulder you’re not leaning against. “You two were always together, and then you guys showed up at the party at the same time wearing matching outfits, so my mind was like—”

“‘Yangyang and Y/N are dating. Only explanation,’” you finish for him with a snort. “That was just a coincidence. Yangyang and I are friends, Jaemin. I thought you, of all people, would assume that.”

He nudges you. “What’s that mean?”

You nudge him back. “I mean, I thought it was already established that I like you.”

At his silence, you click your tongue.

“I wouldn’t have said yes to a date with you if I didn’t like you, Jaemin.”

“Yeah, but…” he huffs, eyeing the clouds as the raindrops become infrequent and the sky turns a little brighter. “I thought you would’ve given up on me.”

You place a hand over your heart, frowning. “Wow. You think that low of me?”

“No, absolutely not—!”

You squeeze his shoulder with a gentle smile. “Jaemin, I was joking.”

Jaemin sighs in relief, leaning into your touch. “I’m gonna make up for that date, you know.”

Resting your chin on his shoulder, you assure him, “You already have.”

“No, not with flowers and stolen shoes — with dinner,” he pauses, turning his face to meet your eyes. As the sky grows lighter, the red on his cheeks becomes more evident, “if you’ll let me.”

“Will you actually show up this time?” you ask, teasing.

He laughs with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll be there before you even show up.”

When you leave the frat house that night, swollen lips and sweat prickling at your skin, you bump into Lia on her way to class. She asks suspiciously why you’re grinning like a madman — there is no reason for anybody to be smiling this much when it’s this humid outside.

At the mention of Jaemin’s name, Lia softens in understanding. She pats your cheek the same way a mother would nurture her child before saying, “I swear that boy is gonna be the death of you.”

You shrug. You can’t bring yourself to care.

© all rights reserved, dkfile 2023

[reidsconverse]

memories • spencer reid

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: none! just 4000 words of pure angst

This was an old fic reworked to be about around spencer so its taking a lottt of creative/artistic liberty with the character, so it kinda sucks im sorry! 😁

Every moment you had with him was one to be remembered and cherished for better or worse.

It had been a few weeks since Spencer had officially ended things, he had moved all of his stuff out of your apartment and now it seemed as if he had never even existed in the same place as you, as though you two were strangers. That is had it not been for the images of memories the two of you held. So, here you were sat alone in your room, your only company the half-empty bottle of wine and photographs of the two of you which sat strewn carelessly across your floor.

You picked up a picture and stared at it realising you both looked so happy. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder, a cup in his hand and his signature grin sitting across his face. Your head was leaning against his shoulder, the smile on your face reminding you of how free you had felt that night, you had never felt happier and you recognised that night as the night you realised...you were so in love.

"We should have a party," Spencer yelled despite there being no one else other than the two of you in the room.

"Right now?" You looked at him as if he was insane, not only was it completely out of character for your boyfriend but also, it was 1 am on a Wednesday and although your friends weren't those with a regular schedule you presumed most of them would decline a house party in the middle of the week.

"Yeah right now, c'mon doll I'll call Derek and some of the others and you call your friends." His hand was already on his phone texting Derek before you could protest so you followed his instructions and went ahead and invited your friends before getting up and preparing for this impromptu party.

It had only been 10 minutes when you heard Derek and some others open the door shouting for Spencer and you walked over with a grin on your face, "Hey D, Spencers being a diva and redoing his hair, he'll be right down." You said, rolling your eyes as Derek pulled you into a hug, he may have been Spencer's best friend but he thought of you as a sister and always treated you as such.

"Well I have look good for my girl," You heard Spencer say from behind you quickly placing a kiss on your cheek before doing his weird handshake with Derek, "Hey, thanks for coming'."

The three of you made your way to the kitchen to grab some drinks and greet some more guests who had congregated in that area and before you knew it, you were 4 shots in, feeling way past tipsy and in the mood to dance.

"Hey Spence," You said walking over to where he was now sat, a cup in his hand as he held a conversation with JJ and Emily about something that you didn't care too much about. You waved a quick hello to the girls so as not to be rude and then placed your head on his shoulder to let him know of your presence.

"Hey darling, you feeling good?" He turned his face and flashed you a wide grin before wrapping an arm around you to pull you close to him. He enjoyed being near you whenever he could, when he was away he would long for the days where all he did was sit and hold you close to him regardless of what the two of you were doing, so now whenever he had the chance he would hold you close.

"Feelin' great Spence.. wanna dance with you..."  You said pulling out of his hold and grabbing his hand leading him onto the 'dance floor', which was just the open space in your living room. He laughed and quickly finished his drink, discarding the cup somewhere in the room and held you as you both danced to the music playing through the speakers.

After a couple of songs, you both made your way to get another drink and get a break from the crowd, you sat at the kitchen island and passed him a drink."You know, considering you're a genius, I would've thought you'd be able to coordinate a bit better."  You said teasing him about his choice of moves which had essentially been him waving his arms in the air attempting to be in tune with the music.

He looked at you in fake shock and scoffed, "Yeah well it was still better than whatever you were trying to do." Referring to your horrendous attempt at trying to be sexy which in truth was never going to be anything but embarrassing. You stuck your tongue out in a childish manner causing him to laugh and quickly move to place his lips against yours giving you a soft kiss.

You jumped down from the counter after pulling back as a couple of your friends walked in and struck up a conversation about nothing interesting yet you made the effort to look engaged as Spencers's arm slipped over your shoulders and you placed your head against his shoulder.

"Hey guys, look here." You both turned to see your friend Harry, as always with a polaroid camera in his hand. You and Spencer gave each other a quick smile before grinning wide for the camera, both your faces full of love and happiness.

You sat there thinking about how quickly things can change, the people in the image you held so young and naive to the struggles the future would hold. Taking another sip of your wine you skimmed through some more pictures before stopping at one that held a bittersweet meaning. A picture that was taken a few days after what had been your worst fight, you both looked happy but all you could think about the events leading up to the image being taken.

It was your and Spencers 5th anniversary and he had promised he would make it to dinner. You hadn't seen each other in weeks because he was away on a case but he had promised he wouldn't miss this day, he had asked for permission from Hotch to leave for a couple of days so he would be there. "No excuses, No ifs and buts...I'll be there babe. I promise."

But there you were, alone at a table for two. The look on the waiters face held nothing but pity as he walked over for the fourth time to ask if someone would be joining you. Finally, you gave up and shook your head to let him know you would be leaving and would like the cheque. You had never felt so humiliated walking out of the restaurant head held high but tears building up in your eyes and so you cried. You felt so broken, almost as broken as all those promises Spencer had made you. The word promise and sorry had lost all meaning in the last 5 years, simply a courtesy rather than meaningful.

The minute you got home your phone began ringing, it was Spencer.

"Hey doll, I'm so sorry I couldn't make it, the team wanted to go out last night and I kind of missed my -." He began to explain causing you to scoff, 'no ifs or buts' my ass.

"How could you?" Your voice cracking as you tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill for the second time that night. "I waited for 2 fucking hours Spencer, I felt like a fucking idiot."  

"What? What are you talking about?" His voice was full of confusion. "Didn't you get my text?"

"No, I fucking didn't. I didn't get a fucking text. But that's not the fucking point, You should've been here, you promised you would be here."

"Babe, I'm so -," He began but you knew what he was gonna say. The only conversations you seemed to have were stuck on a loop like a broken record.

"Save it. Don't say you're sorry when you don't mean it, stop saying sorry and show it instead."

"Look, I'll get on the first flight out. I'll see you in a few hours, I'll make it up to you I prom-." You hung up the phone before he could continue, his promise worth nothing to you anymore. Walking over to the couch, you fell asleep the minute your head rested against one of the many cushions populating the seat.

You woke up to keys jingling in the door, yet you made no effort to move from where you were. The sound of his footsteps got louder as he approached.

"Babe? I know you're up." He said, kneeling beside you making you sigh and sit up. "Babe, I'm so sorry. I fucked up."

You just stared at him, it might have been petty but you didn't want to give in to his apologies just yet, he had to understand just how much he had hurt you first.

"I couldn't care less anymore, Spencer. I just need to remember that I'll always come second to work and that's fine, it's important to you and I understand that." You got up and walked over to the kitchen to gather yourself.

"Babe you are the most important thing to me, I'm sorry-."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "Here we go again, Spencer there's only so many times you can say you're sorry before it loses all meaning. I'm sick and tired of this, I don't know if I can do this anymore. You're never here, you make promises you can never keep and I'm pretty sure you've told me you're sorry more times than you've told me you love me."

"Please don't do this. I love you." His voice was shaking, breaking down at the thought of you leaving him. He moved over to you and turned you so you were facing him. "I know this means nothing to you but I am so sorry. I've been so shitty to you and I know it."

"Spencer, I deserve better than this and I'm sick of forgiving you and acting like I'm fine with how you treat me, you might not mean it but it fucking hurts. I love you so much and I know you love me but would it kill you to put me first for once in your fucking life."

This annoyed him, the lack of sleep and being overworked leaving him less patient and more irritable, "That's not fucking fair, you knew what you were signing up for when you started dating me, I'm doing my fucking best. I go to work for US, to support US. If I could devote all of my time to you if I could, but I can't and it fucking kills me. You can't understand how much I miss you when I'm not here."

Tears welled in your eyes seeing him breakdown, unable to keep up the unbothered facade you had on, "I just...Spence, I miss you too. It hurts not being able to be near you and so when you're not there when you promise you will be, it hurts it really fucking hurts not to mention it's terrifying, how am I supposed to know you're ok if you do shit like that."

He pulled you into his arms as you sobbed into his chest, all the emotions you'd kept bottled up during the argument letting go. "I know baby, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I promise, and I mean it this time, I won't let you down again. I love you." He mumbled into your hair, slowly kissing your forehead whilst consoling you and holding you like he never wanted to let go.

The two of you went to bed that night in silence, not a word was spoken until the next day wherein Spencer switched off his phone and dedicated the whole weekend to you and only you. He kept his word once he had to leave, always fulfiling his promises, never pushing you to the side and communicating with you always. The two of you felt strong again, you were happy.

You put your glass down and walked out of your room and began pacing around the living room, pictures of you and him still up on your walls, the walls that no longer belonged to the both of you. You thought back to when he asked you to move him, how nervous he was and how excited you were.

It was movie night at Spencers house. Each week he invited everyone over to watch a film, everyone taking it in turns to select a film. This week Emily had chosen Midsommar, a film you were yet to see so you were excited. You were sat beside Spencer on the loveseat, his arm around you and your face resting against his chest, a blanket covering you both for extra comfort. You looked up and saw Derek and Penelope lay spread across the floor whilst JJ and Emily sat on the sofa. Bowls of popcorn and sweets were scattered around the room and beer bottles were piling up. It was nights like this that you wanted to treasure forever, for the first time you felt like you had a family, people to call your own, people you could trust.

"Watcha thinking about?" Spencer asked, glancing at you and realising your mind wasn't directed at the movie anymore.

"Nothing, just really lucky to have you in my life," You reached your hand up to hold his face and gave him a soft kiss. "I love you."

He pulled you in closer if that was even possible, "I love you too."

"Ugh, get a room." Derek groaned making you both chuckle.

Spencer responded by throwing some popcorn at him, "Aw is someone jealous, don't worry you'll find someone soon enough."

Derek murmured a quiet, "Fuck off" before turning his attention back to the movie, making everyone laugh.

The movie ended shortly and everyone was discussing what to watch next, you were in the mood for a comedy but Derek wanted to watch Die Hard for the millionth time. After several minutes of slight arguing, you finally decided on rewatching Moana for the 12th time.

Everyone was pretty much settled, drinks refilled, popcorn replenished and everyone back in their positions. Emily was about to press play before JJ stopped her, "Wait before you start I'm kinda cold can I borrow a sweater?" She asked Spencer.

"Yeah sure, take one from our room." He said casually like it was normal but it made your breath hitch in your throat, did he just say our room? As in, yours and his. Unofficially he wasn't wrong, it was your room as much as his, you spent pretty much every night here making having your own apartment redundant, but he hadn't yet asked you to move in with him. You couldn't help the small blush on your face and the way your lips turned upwards at his words. It made you happy knowing he thought of it as something for both of you.

"What has you so happy?" Penelope asked in a teasing tone, she'd picked up on Spencer words and knew exactly why you were smiling.

You just stuck your tongue out at her and looked up at Spencer, "Our room huh?" You asked making him smile.

"Yeah I mean, you're here every day, maybe more than I am. You should just move in at this point." He let out a little laugh after he said leaving you confused as to whether he was being serious, so you just laughed along and waited for JJ to come back so you could start the movie.

A couple of hours later almost everyone was half asleep, everyone apart from you and Spencer. You began making your way to his room followed by him carrying the blanket he had taken from his bed. The two of you went about your night routine, Spencer had insisted on keeping at least half of your things at his place hence why you never had to leave. You quickly changed into one of his shirts which fit you just right and climbed into bed where he was already sitting, reading a book.

"Spence, were you being serious...earlier when you said I should move in?" You asked him, making him put down his book and look at you.

"Would you like that? You don't have to say yes but I would love it if you moved in. The mornings when I wake up and you're still next to me, are the best mornings. Honestly, knowing I'm going to wake up next to you makes falling asleep easier. Plus Tesla and Edison love you, maybe even more than they loves me." He asked, the mention of his fish making you laugh despite the fact your eyes were welling up, what had you done to deserve the sweetest man to walk the earth.

You shifted yourself so you were straddling him and held his face in your hands, "I would love to move in with you." You answered placing a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you so much," He said as you moved back to laying down next him. "You make me the happiest man alive and I'm so lucky to have you."

"God, Spence you gotta stop before I start crying, I love you too." You said, as he laughed and pulled you into a comfortable sleeping position.

"Goodnight love." He mumbled, already falling asleep.

"Goodnight Spence." You responded, closing your eyes and beginning to drift off but not before saying, "By the way, the fishies definitely love me more."

You hadn't realised you were crying until a tear fell onto the frame you were holding. The image just as blurred as the memories it held. You carefully placed the image face down onto the table rather than placing it back up. Making your way to the sofa, you got your phone out and glanced at the image that had left you in this state. A picture of him and her, his hands holding hers as tight as they once held yours, the grin on both of their faces wide. He was happy, only it wasn't because of you anymore. You closed your eyes again, remembering how it all ended.

He had been distant since he had come back from this last case, he had been away for almost two months trying to catch this unsub and you had thought he'd be more excited to come back to you and finally be home. But he hadn't spent more than 10 minutes with you, the only time the two of you were in the same room for longer than that was when you fell asleep. Recently that had also stopped, he spent more nights away from home and at clubs with Derek and Emily , only coming back once he knew you weren't there. It was killing you but every time you questioned it he shrugged you off, telling you he loved you.

You wanted to scream at him if he loved you why isn't he showing it, why does he refuse to acknowledge you. You knew he was lying to you, he didn't love you anymore, you could see it in his eyes, how he never looked at you as he used to, he never held you like he used to. It was killing you and you knew you should ask him but you also knew that would lead to conversation you didn't want to have, an ending you didn't want to happen. So you kept quiet, went about your day and didn't question his actions, you had decided you would rather have the worst of him than not have him at all.

But that didn't last long. A few weeks later something happened, something you could ignore. Spencer had barely been home, only coming back to grab new clothes and leaving again often returning at 4 am or not all. The nights you spent alone, his side of the bed going cold broke your heart bit by bit. But you weren't ready for it to completely shatter, the images Penelope sent you of him holding that girl, a little too close, a little too tight, a little too much, start to fill your screen causing a lump in your throat and tears threatening to spill. You walked to the kitchen, surprised to see him there, he was sat at the counter head in his hands and a coffee in front of him.

"Spencer, what fuck is going on?" You all but shouted.

"Shh, my heads killing me." He said, burying his head in his hands attempting to block you out.

"You fucking asshole." You screamed at him, the pain and hurt evident in your broken voice as you tried your best not to cry.

This made him look up, far quicker than he should've causing his head to fill with pain and throb, but he didn't care, the memories of last night were coming back he knew he had fucked up. "I-I'm sorry, I was drunk and she was just there, nothing happened.

"You're sorry? Are you fucking kidding me?" You said, moving away from him as he got up to come closer to you. "No, don't fucking touch me. I'm done."

"What? No look I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I love you." The words were said, but the tone held so much uncertainty you couldn't tell if he was trying to convince you or himself.

"No you don't Spencer, not anymore. I know you don't and I've been lying to myself, saying that I'm ok with it when I'm not. I love you so much but I can't keep hurting myself by pretending like we're fine, We're not fine, we haven't been for a long time. Yes that fucking hurts, I thought we were forever, I thought we were going to grow old together and have kids and show them that we were soulmates. I thought we were perfect but we aren't."

"I never wanted to hurt you, I love you so much but-" He started with a sigh.

"You're not in love with me anymore..." You finished for him

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different, I wish I could control how I felt. You were everything to me, I really did picture a future for us but things changed, I don't know why and I don't know how. You don't deserve this, I'm so sorry."

"I know Spence, I know." You moved closer to him and he held you like it was the last time... because it was. "I'm sorry too."

You pulled away from him."I'll grab some stuff and go stay at my mom's for a few days. I just need to find a new place to move my stuff to." You said, trying to brush some tears away but failing as they kept falling.

"No, it's fine. I'll go, this is just as much your home as it is mine. I'll stay with Derek for a bit, you take your time sorting stuff out ok?" He said, using his thumbs to attempt to wipe away your tears. You sighed but nodded knowing he wouldn't take no for an answer.

You sat down as he went to the room to gather some things, your mind reeling from the last half hour. How could so much change in such a short period of time, years spent together thrown away so quick.

"I'm done, I'll get going ok?" He said placing his duffel bag down beside by the door.

"So this is it huh?" You said, with a sigh. You felt him walk towards you and take a seat next to you.

"The last 10 years have been the most incredible time of my life, you put up with so much of my shit and loved me unconditionally and I can't thank you enough for giving the eager 25-year-old who wanted nothing more than to impress you a chance. I'm never going to stop loving you, you know that. I'm never gonna forget about you, my first love, the first woman to capture my heart. I'm so sorry things didn't work out like how we'd imagined them. If I could change how I feel I would, I wanted nothing more than for this to be a silly phase, for me to wake up one day and feel how I felt again. But it didn't happen and it fucking sucks."

"I get it, Spence, you have to do what makes you happy and I'm not gonna stop you. I'm just sorry it wasn't me that could give you want and need, but you're gonna make some girl out there very happy if you're even half the man you were when you were with me." You gave him a soft smile as he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.

He stood up and walked to the door. "Call me when you're ready ok? I love you." He turned and gave you a soft smile before picking up his bag and walking out the door.

You just broke down, you don't know how long you sat there sobbing your heart out but it felt like forever. Everything hurt so bad you didn't think you'd ever feel any emotion other than heartbreak for as long as you lived.

You took a deep breath as your hand hovered over the delete button on your phone, it was time to move on just as he had. As you released the breath you were holding, your finger pressed against the button, deleting all the pictures you had with him and you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders and the realisation sunk in.

You loved him so much, but he wasn't yours to love anymore.

He was just a memory.

-

tagged: @gcblers​ @187-reid​ @mgg-theprettiestboy​ @mggbler​ @snitchthewitch​

[bubsdolan]

Can we get the next part to clingy please? I’m obsessed with that fic :)

{clingy gray masterlist}

“YOU KISSED MY GIRLFRIEND!”

“ex girlfriend grayson, im your ex girlfriend!” 

grayon’s deadly grip on his brothers body was instantly released. ethans feet touching the ground with a sigh of relief as he rubs at the now tender skin of his neck, where an imprint of his brothers hand now sat. ethan swallowed the lump in his throat as he flashed you a small smile in gratitude, coming in at the right time and saving him from a bad temper ready to burst and could potentially do real damage. like you normally did, you were the calm grayson needed whenever he felt a storm brewing, yet as of right now, you are the storm.

grayson was in disbelief, pressing the palms of his hands roughly into his eyes and rubbing servel times to try and abrub the sight in front of him. he was frozen in place when he reopened his eyes, blinking a few times to get rid of the little white dots in his vision and make sure you were still there, not a figment of his imagination. you came back for him.

“y/n, baby i-” grayon reached out to try and grab you. his hands fighting a gravitational force to the one thing he needed more than anything in his life. he needed to hold you and feel your warm delicate skin agasint his fingers after so many horrible and earth shattering weeks apart. he longed for the moment you would run back into his arms, shower him with kisses and forget the drama in your relationship ever existed. 

however, when you retracted your steps, distancing yourself further from him as you shield your body from his ever so inviting hands, avoiding his gaze when you turned to look at ethan instead- something inside grayson switched for the second time that night. his head bouncing between you and his brother, who appeared to be making silent communication, he was not apart of, with your eyes. grayson’s fists clenching at his sides, vein protruding from his forehead as he let out an almost evil, vemuous laugh. 

“oh i see what's going on here-” grayons gestures towards the pair of you, chest puffing out as he tried to make himself look as intimidating as possible. needing to feel like he has all the control and power over the room even though he was by far the strongest.

“you’re not here for me,” grayson sends draggers in your direction, running his hands through his already matted hair as he chuckles in realisation. his heart dropping as he tried to convince himself what he thought was true- his mind playing cruel malicious tricks on him. 

“what are you talking about? i came back for you, grayson! to hopefully sort it and get back to the place we were before all this shit happened. when we were happy-“

“YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH MY OWN BROTHER!” in the months you had been dating, grayson had never once raised his voice at you, never once lost his temper or directed his anger towards you. but at the way his eyes pierced dangerously into yours, his red and angry face meters from your own as his body trapped you between his intimidating build and the wall of the place you once called home.

it was the first time you were scared of grayson, terrified even. this wasn’t your grayson, the man you feel in love with, who stole your heart and made you whole. this was a monster of a man, a villain you didn't recognise and one you wished to never encounter again.

normally you would fight your corner, like you had done the entire time you were seemly at war with the dolan brothers, but right now grayson made you feel weak. he left you speechless and unable to defend yourself at the wild accusations he had created for himself. the way his body pushed agasint your own, send shivers down your spine- and certainly not in a good way.

when he lifted his hand up to run this fingers through his disentangled hair, you flinched and curled yourself deeper into your body for protection. a reaction you instantly regretted when you saw grayson’s face drop, a deep set frown appear on his features as his eyes soften briefly. for a minute you through he was going to breakdown and cry, or even apologise for his outburst, comfort you and wash away your insecurities, but all he did was push himself off you and walk away. shoulder bumping agasin ethan in aggression as within seconds you hear the heavy slam on his bedroom door.

you felt paralysed, tears welling in your eyes, fingers shaking as you certainly didn’t expect your return to cause this much of a uproar. this much fear and sheer panic.

“i’ll talk to him,” you feel ethan’s somewhat calming presence on your shoulder, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance before sending you a warm smile he knew wouldn’t be enough to redo all the hurt and pain he caused. you nod your head, wrapping your arms around yourself as all you could do was stand there, staring down at your feet to prevent yourself from breaking down. no words could escape your lips, you were stunned into slience for the first time in forever. broken.

“bro,” ethan takes a steady, clausius approach when entering grayson’s room. making sure to knock first before bursting in like he normally would. in any normal circumstances he would slap him brother upside the head for treating you with such disrespect - but this was far from normal and he knew he was to blame for all of it.

“fuck off, e.” grayson growled. not even acknowledging ethan when he doesn’t look up from the floor, images of the fear in your eyes haunting him. he was sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as his knees shook with anger. he saw red, letting his anger out on you, scaring you, making you believe he would ever harm you. grayson would never forgive him.

“bro listen to me, please,” ethan pleads with his younger brother, not moving a muscle from his position by the foot of his bed, besides to close the door and give the bothers some privacy. you had gone through enough and ethan wasn’t sure how this conversation was going to go. this was to save you another heartbreak incase grayson wiped his hands with not only him, but you.

ethan watched as grayson slowly met his gaze with a hard darkened one, cracking his knuckles as he took a deep breath and gave his older brother the attention he wanted. if you couldn’t get through to grayson, ethan was the next best person, but when grayson opened his mouth, he should have senesed his outburst approaching and backed down immediately.

“no, you listen to me ethan, this is all your fault! if you never would have opened your big mouth- fuck i might have just lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you- you did this!” grayson pointed his finger aggressively at ethan, watching him shutter and gulp as he was overcome with guilt.

all ethan could do was look down in shame. everything grayson was saying was true. he caused your heartbreak, he caused his brother’s world to collapse around him, he caused the broken relationship he now shared with his twin- his once bestfriend and soulmate. he took hit after hit as grayson finally spilled every last ounce of emotion he has been bottling up.

“why bro, why? could you not stand to see me happy just this once! finally something good, something of my own and you go and fuck it up for me! why-“

“it should have been me! i thought i loved h-her,” ethan breaks down at the truth, stalling grayson from his rage as he was frozen in his position meters away, eyes glancing to the door in hopes you weren’t able to hear the words they were exchanging. the words out loud made him feel sick to his stomach. his brother ‘loved’ his girlfriend and wished you were his happily ever after- how did it all end up going so wrong.

grayson wanted to scream at ethan, punch him, even though him out the house and his life, but when he witnessed the sobs, the vicious shaking and breakdown from his bestfriend, he broke too. call it twin telepathy, but he felt his pain.

grayson had to be the bigger man if he ever wanted a normal relationship with his brother, or if he even had the chance to rekindle your relationship- one that without, life simply wasn’t worth living.

“do you still love her?” grayson’s voice broke. not wanting to know the answer to the question, yet needing to in order to push past this. ethan’s answer was make or break for the three of you.

“i did, no- i, i thought i did, grayson, but bro, believe me i don’t anymore. i watched how happy you are with her bro, i watch how she makes you laugh, makes you smile, makes you the best version of you and i was jealous-“

ethan gradually moved closer to the bed, hesitant to sit down next to grayson and continue what had been bubbling up since the day you walked out all those weeks ago. grayson didn’t budge, giving ethan the green light to make himself more comfortable in the bed and beg for his brother’s forgiveness.

“i was in love with the thought of being loved. all my past relationships never worked out, i always got used and walked all over, but with y/n, she felt different. she isn’t with you for the money, the fame, or your name. she’s with you because she loves you bro, more than ive ever seen a person love anybody.”

ethan is cut off by grayson cries, his head hitting ethans chest as he clutches onto his shirt and simply just shakes. the fact he brother had admitted to witnessing the love you and grayson shared, it made him hate himself even more for everything you had been through. all your fights, arguments and breakdowns weren’t worth it. you needed each other, more than you needed air to survive.

“she loves you bro, fight for her.” ethan hugs his brother close. a sense of relief watching over him at the somewhat feeling of normality coming back. it felt good to be this close to him, to hold him and be the big brother he always promised to be.

he lefts grayson cry into his body for what felt like hours, shushing him and reassuring him that you- the person losing her mind in the living room listening to grayson’s cries, wanting nothing more to run in there and kiss all his worries away- was his endgame.

“ethan, thank you.” grayson wipes his eyes, composing himself to face you and put right everything that went horribly wrong. ethan was right, he needed to fight for you, not with you.

ethan padded grayson’s back, sending him a real genuine smile and bringing him in for one last bone crushing hug he missed and would never take for granted again. happy to have his partner in crime back.

“go get your girl back, bro.”

[nootgi]

Hello it's me haha ehm, do you do imagines? I wanna request for Albedo; if it's ok, just a small fic of Klee catching her big brother kissing his S/O and Albebe is stumbling in his words trying to reason with Klee 😂 if it's ok-- *scurries awayy*

A little help please? - Albedo

A/N:// SORRY FOR THE WAIT, it was taking longer than expected to do other requests but, here ya go ^-^ one embarrassed and mortified Albedo comin your way

You couldn’t breathe. 

It was impossible, every intake seemed to be cut off with a harsh exhale. Your lungs began to burn, sides started to ache and tears rolled down your face. Albedo watched in dismay as you keeled over, laughing your ass off at him. He couldn’t believe you still had it in you to laugh for 20 MINUTES after what happened. Every moment you feel as though you calmed down you look at his flushed cheeks and it sends you back down into a flurry of giggles.

What happened 20 minutes earlier? Well it begins with Albedo sneaking into the library during his lunch break to visit you. He catches you off guard as he presses you between the bookshelf and his sturdy chest. He had you pinned between his two arms. The book you were holding falls out of your hand, landing on the floor with a thud but you two don’t pay any attention to it. Both of you are looking into each other’s eyes, one hand came down to intertwine his fingers in yours.

“What brings Mr Alchemist here?” You whisper, bringing up his hand to kiss it softly. 

“I missed seeing my precious dove.” The press of your lips against his hand bought that colour you loved seeing on his cheeks but that didn’t stop Albedo and that smoulder of his. It did turn your gears how easily he slipped into his flirt mode, how his body seemed more imposing with his relaxed posture. The small quirk of his lip brings it up into a barely visible smirk, only noticeable with how close he drew his face to yours. 

“Ah did you now? It didn’t seem like you did the way you left today.” You smile, playing along with his mood, leaning up to bump your foreheads together. Today morning when you awoke, Albedo was already leaving out of the door mumbling something to himself. He took his portion of breakfast along with your morning kiss.

“Forgive me dove.” His eyes slightly darkened at your words, as if taking offence to your doubt, you were his world and stars and he wouldn’t let you doubt that even as a joke. You raise your eyebrows at his change in mood, about to question what he is doing when the hand that was holding yours so delicately, came up to hold the back of your hair in a firm grip. The kiss started out soft, his lips parted to draw your tongue in and dance along with his. Gradually the passion increased, causing you to lose yourself in the kiss. You felt your balance leaving you so you wrapped your arms around his neck, his arm that rested on the bookshelf moved to band around your waist. You let out a whine when Albedo pulled back to move his head down your neck and move his wet lips to drag lightly over your collarbone.

“You see dove I had something,” between each word was a swipe of his tongue against your most sensitive spot, every puff of his hot breath sent tingles down your spine and goosebumps to flourish everywhere, “To attend to for-”

“ALBEDO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO (Y/N)!?”

“KLEE!?” 

Klee had escaped from solitary confinement with the secret help of Kaeya! She had a secret mission of infiltrating the library to recover her story book that Lisa confiscated from her. It was very important that she got it back, it had all her survival tips and treasure maps! She made sure that Miss Lisa was gone to lunch with Miss Jean before sneaking into the library, the knights that stood guard turned a blind eye to the small girl since they knew she had no explosives. Upon entering she heard a small thud, her active imagination put her on high alert so she ran over to see what was wrong. As she was about to rush over, she remembered that Kaeya said stealth was key in these types of situations. It took Klee a while and a few bumps to quietly sneak down the stairs and cross the squeaky floorboards in the library. When she turned the corner she wasn’t expecting to see big brother Albedo and (Y/N). The two of you instantly separated, you turning away from Klee to recompose yourself. Redoing the buttons that got undone in that rush and fixing your hair as Albedo was silent. Klee stared Albedo down with her arms crossed and an unusual angry look, Albedo just stared back. It was like that for a few seconds before you cleared your throat and turned back around, stifling a laugh at the scene in front of you.

“Albedo what were you doing to them!?” She stomped her little legs over to take your hand and drag you away from Albedo. Putting herself between the two of you as to protect you from him and his mouth. Albedo’s eyes, comically wide, glance to yours to plead for help but you just shrug with a face splitting smile. 

“Y-you’re misunderstanding Klee.” The confident Albedo you knew a few minutes ago was gone and in his place was his blubbering embarrassed self. It wasn’t often you saw this side with Albedo so you savoured every second of it. You knew you could help but why waste such a good opportunity. 

“You always told me seeing is believing! I should trust what I saw and not your words!” You swear you were gonna have jaws of steel with how hard you're clenching them right now. 

“Well- uh you see Klee, me and (Y/N) were…” Albedo never thought his science tips would bite him in the ass this hard. “Kissing.” Honesty is the best policy? 

“I saw kisses in my story books! That was not kissing!!” Right, Albedo forgot Klee had some picture story books about love stories and all kinds of fluff. You could see the blood draining from Albedo’s face as his hands flapped about trying to make up an excuse. And honestly…

“When two people love each other…” It became harder to listen to. 

“Big brother Albedo deserves to be in solitary confinement! Klee goes there when she hurts people so Albedo goes there too.” She reaches her final verdict, her hat bouncing as she does a satisfied nod. By this moment, Albedo’s puffy hair is flattened from how many times he nervously ran his fingers through it and you were holding onto a bookshelf for support to hold in your laughter. 

“How will you be getting Albedo in there Klee?” You ask after composing yourself a little with some deep breaths, ignoring Albedo’s betrayed look. 

“Miss Jean will after I tell her!” Albedo has never been more at loss in his life, he was so used to being able to find an answer to everything or at least be on the right path. But with this, where was he to go. Every route was a dead end and his precious dove, his lifeline, left him stranded. Well there was one thing he could do.

“A little help ple-” His voice cracked. As did the dam holding back your laughter.

You sent Klee off, reassuring her that you were okay and could punish Albedo yourself. The two of you stood in by the table, listening to her grab her book and leave the library before turning to each other. Albedo looked worse than he did after a long night in the lab, hair messy, eyes bloodshot and dry from how wide and unblinking they were moments before. He made sure to clear his throat before speaking to you however when he caught your eye, you were back into your fit of giggles. 

All he wanted was to get his missing morning kiss and instead got a lifetime of embarrassment and a suspicious pat on the back from Kaeya.

[shooting-starry]

Times when the hq boys wanted to turn back time

a/n: Depending on how I feel, I may write these as full fics later... but we shall see

Please reblog if you enjoy!

Warning: Angst, a lil’ bit of death (reader), miscarriage, fluff??, abuses (well not really but kinda)

Karasuno version

Daichi Sawamura:

He should have gone home last night instead of working overtime in the office. He should have walked  you home, and spent the night with you in his arms, but he didn’t. Now he is at the crime scene of a brutal murder. You weren’t at home watching the news, or making pancakes, you were dead here on the ground. There were ligature marks on both your wrists, and strangulation marks on your neck. How could he let this happen. He promised that he would always protect  you, yet your cold body still lies before him with a look of fear forever plastered on your face and in his heart. If only he could go back in time and fulfill his promise to you.

Koshi Sugawara:

He was doing parent teacher interviews with his first graders. The next student was his favourite, but he would never admit it out loud. She looked just like the girl who still held his heart. She even had the same look when she was focused on her school work as you do when you were concentrated. She was one of his best students, so he was excited to talk to the parents of this sweet little girl. That was until he saw his favorite pupil holding your hand while you were in the arms of another man. He wished it was him instead. He wished he could turn back time and be with you and your children for the rest of your lives. It only hurt more when you called him “Sugawara”. Not “Koshi” or “babe”. Just Sugawara.

Asahi Azumane:

You were the ever-so-famous model. He was a new designer. He never should have fallen for you. And you never should have fallen for him. But it happened, and the relationship was far from perfect. In the beginning, you were just innocently modeling his designs, but as you grew more infatuated with him, the more he just had to have you. Beginnings are always blissful. Now, you never model any of his designs. Now you hold no love for him. Now it was just pain as he watched your live stream wedding. You didn’t love him anymore, but he could never stop loving you.It caused him so much pain as he watched you happily say “I do.” to the man in front of you. The man who you loved. If he could turn back time, he would never meet you. Maybe then he wouldn’t be in pain. 

Nishinoya Yuu:

You were wrapped around him like a small koala bear as he cuddled you. You were securely placed in his arms. Your warmth made Nishinoya smile, but as he reached his arm towards you, he was met with nothing. No one was there. You weren’t there. It was all a dream because he couldn’t turn back time and bring you back, because you didn't love him. 

Tanaka Ryuunosuke:

It had been a good day at work, he saw a few of his favorite clients, and none of them create unnecessary drama. And on top of that, he got to go home early to see his pregnant wife. Today was good. Was good. As he ignorantly strolled through the door, he wasn’t greeted with your usual “Hey babe!” or “How was work today?”. He was met with eerie silence. He raced into action to find you. He ran through the kitchen and living room yelling your name, looking in every corner to find you. He couldn’t justify why you were out of the house. You were supposed to stay home and rest. So why couldn’t he find you? He race up and down the stairs, and flew through the hallways, until he heard your crying. He walked towards the sound of the weeping and found you in the bathroom, blood on the floor and all along your legs. You were crying on the floor, letting the tears stream down your face and hit the floor. He walked towards you, and picked you up. Holding you like a life line. He didn’t care if blood got on his cloths. All he cared about was you. He listened intently to your rapid breathing and your string of apologies as the whispered that none of it was your fault and reassuring you with sweet nothings. 

When you finally calmed down and were able to breathe steadily again, your eyes where red and puffy, and your skin was blotchy. The sadness that the two of you felt was incomprehensible. You avoided looking at him. You were scared of how he was looking at you. You were scared that if you looked at him all you would see was hate and anger. 

“I’m sorry Ryu.” you said softly, avoiding his gaze. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep our baby.”

“No dear, none of this is your fault. I don’t blame you at all.” he replied while tenderly grabbing your chin so you would look at him. “We can have another baby together.”

“Together?”

“Together.” he agreed. This moment was painful. If he could redo the months leading up to this day, he would. If it meant that you wouldn’t have felt all of the pain, then he wouldn’t even need to think twice about it.

Kageyama Tobio

How did they lose? Karasuno were supposed to go to nationals this year. So what went wrong? His serves were perfect, his sets were extremely precise. so how could they have lost.

“Kageyama, I think we should do a new type of attack.” stated the shorter orange haired boy. The team had arrived back to the school, you were in the gym watching the boys talk with the coach and doing their own practiving. You knew how hard they worked, especially Tobio. You had to drag him out of the gym during his many late night practices. Kageyama still had not replied to Hinata. “Kageyama?” he asked, trying to get his attention.

“WE DON’T NEED A NEW ATTACK! WE NEED YOU TO BE FASTER AND JUMP HIGHER!” he screamed angrily, holding Hinata up by the collar. Hinata had a look of pure fear and panic as he realized that his feet were no longer on the ground. The rest of the team was yelling at him to put Hinata down, and that it wasn’t his fault. You instinctively run towards him and place a careful hand on his shoulder, only to be pushed back with such speed and power that you were pushed to the ground. The entire gym was quiet in shock. Kageyama had never done anything to hurt you. He was always soft around you, making you were ok and were happy. This action made him realize what he had done. He dropped Hinata to the ground who was coughing, trying to get air into his lungs. He quickly walked towards you, only for you to move away from him. Were you scared of him? Tears had began to pool in your eyes.

“Who are you?” you ask him and you slowly get up and walk away. Out of the gym. 

You didn’t go to school for the rest of the week. When you did, you avoided him like the plague. It wasn’t until two weeks later that he finally got you to listen. He apologized and begged for you to forgive him. But you just looked at him. The look that told him that he wasn’t getting a second chance. You couldn’t look at him as you walk away. You couldn’t let yourself turn around and comfort him. So you just walked away. If the genius setter of Karasuno could redo anything in his life, it would be to get you back.

Hinata Shoyo

When he let you go, he had no idea how stupid he was. You were the light of his life, but he put volleyball before you. That day when you said that you were done in this relationship. You said that you loved him. You told him that he needed to love you as well for the relationship to work. But he was the one who said “I think I can love you.”. Those words which shattered your heart and tears began to pool in your eyes. He didn’t realize how stupid he was until he saw you years later, latched on to another man’s arm. You looked happy. But all he felt was the pain of letting you go. Maybe he could figure out how to go back in time and put in more effort and look into your eyes and say “I love you and I always will.”.

Tsukishima Kei:

Yamaguchi was about to become the happiest man on the planet. It was his wedding day after all. And he was his best man. Tsukishima should be happy for his best friend. Right? But no, he felt jealous. He had loved you since before time, but you loved his best friend, and you were happy loving him. To you Tsukishima was just a friend. But why should he be mad at Yamaguchi? He was the one to tell him to just ask you out. He help him plan at least 100 dates for you. All he wanted was to turn back the clock and ask you out before Yamaguchi did. Maybe then, he would be the groom, and you would be his beautiful bride who would walk down the aisle. But he was supposed to be happy for his best friend. Right?

Yamaguchi Tadashi

Your first kiss with him was magical. You knew it as soon as your lips touched that he was the one. When your lips first touched his, he knew that he just had to keep you.The first kiss was sweet and innocent, and he wouldn’t have it any other was.He could see every freckle and line on your face, and you were mesmerized by the little freckles that dotted his face. It was in that moment, that he fell in love with your littler imperfections with only added to your beauty.  If he could relive a moment of his live, it would be when the universe told him that you were the one.

[sunflowerstalks]

Maybe If Remus Had a Plan in the First Place This Fic Would Have Had a Name, Too

Remus is Remus, Roman is tired, and there’s a cat, too. Expected chaos ensues.

This is my gift for Pigeon, @the-pigeon, for @sanderssidesgiftxchange! I hope you enjoy your gift, and i hope your holidays were and continue to go well! Also, happy new year!! :D

word count: 2125

rating: teen and up (for slight language/innuendo)

content warnings: slight innuendo/language typical of remus, hair pulling as a stim, descriptions of bad things happening to animals (as an intrusive thought, it is dealt with accordingly), slight anxiety attack/sensory overload moment

relationships: platonic sides (all of em) with brotherly roman&remus focus, implied/background romantic roman/virgil and romantic patton/remus but it’s pretty subtle

characters: roman, remus, virgil, patton, logan, janus, c!thomas (meaning both character!thomas and cat!thomas asfhjakfh)

additional tags: high school au, punk au, heist fic, like slight conflict and then mostly fluff and comfort. also, side note, cain and abel are the twins’ cats sdhjgdskfh

“Remus.”

“Roman.”

A beat.

“Any chance you could explain… any of this?” Roman gestures wildly to the pile of metal scraps, receipts, the feral cat, and assorted other trinkets strewn across the sidewalk in front of Remus, before crossing his arms and impatiently awaiting an answer without his usual air of, well, put-together-ness.

“Well, I’d actually gotten around to finally cleaning my wallet, when—”

“The cat, Remus! Whose cat is this? Why do you have it? Why is it surrounded by trash?” Roman’s voice increased in both volume and shrillness as he went on, hands reaching unconsciously to tug at his hair.

“Hey, don’t do that shit,” Remus tugged at the cuffed jean at Roman’s ankle for emphasis, “Anyways, like I was saying, I was cleaning my wallet when I remembered that I was like, eighty assignments behind in anatomy, so I figured I could do some cool art or somethin’ with a cat! For… extra credit or something.” Remus faltered for a moment, “In all honesty, I didn’t think I’d get this far.” He had thought getting the cat would be the hard part, so now he was stuck in the swing of success without a direction to turn. Roman, however, was still stuck on the small details (in Remus’ humble opinion).

Roman took a deep breath, muttering something that sounded a lot like a prayer for forgiveness, before looking down at his brother yet again.

“Remus.”

“Yes, brother dearest?”

“Whose cat is this?”

“Do you want the honest answer?”

Roman looked moments away from manslaughter, yet managed to nod anyways. Remus’ face broke into a shit-eating grin;

“I have no fucking clue.”

---

“Let me get this straight—”

A chorus of ‘good luck with that’s and similar sentiments echoed Logan’s statement, much to his chagrin.

“Okay. Redo.”

“You can’t just say ‘redo’ IRL, Lo,” Virgil chuckled, not even bothering to look up from his phone—he had already checked out from the drama, but stayed for the simple pleasure of experiencing the familiar banter—and in fear of being called to the dean’s office for cutting class. Mostly the latter.

“And I would argue that you cannot say ‘IRL’ in a verbal conversation, yet here we are,” Logan paused for emphasis, adjusted his necklaces for the umpteenth time, and smoothed his hands over the table again before continuing, “Regardless. The situation that you—and I mean you two,” he gestured to the twins, “there is hardly a ‘we’ fault-wise here—have gotten into, is one of... feline larceny, without a known victim? Is that correct?” Remus nodded sheepishly—or as sheepish as his wolfish features could get, all teeth and eyes—while Roman just stewed in rage. Remus’ backpack laid halfway zipped on the lab table, and every once in a while a pink nose and whiskers would find its way into the light before being shoved back by a flurry of hands, aware of what yet another detention would mean for the twins. They couldn’t all just skip, though—they learned that the hard way from the last time one of Roman and Remus’ harebrained schemes had made its way from “a slight nuisance” to “an unignorable thorn in everyone’s side that also somehow ends with arson.” So, they had some past experience in handling the, well, experience that the twins brought along with their company—but they normally had at least a lead to work with.

“How,” Janus started, massaging his temples despite only just then contributing to the wreck of a conversation that their art class had devolved into, “do you steal a cat, and not know who from?” Remus just shrugged.

“It wasn’t intentional. I needed a cat, a guy had a cat, I didn’t ask questions. Was I supposed to?” Remus asked, eyebrows drawn together—normally, he’d be a sarcastic shit that would drive the group insane on (some level of) purpose, but now he just seemed genuinely afraid—of the consequences of his own actions, but, still—progress. Logan opened his mouth to offer his advice, but was silenced by the jarring ring of the bell. He sighed. This was going to be a long day of way more stress than he was qualified for—the twins were going to owe him another stick and poke if he had any say in the matter.

---

Remus must have been a wonderful, wonderful man in his past life. He had to have been. Because, somehow, by some good grace, he managed to make it through another two classes on his own, and to lunch in one piece, with a living cat by his side—well, in his backpack, but the merit stands. Logan could honestly say he was impressed—not that he would tell him that, though. Nevertheless, the six friends reconvened at lunch—still without a direction to turn.

“I could just put him back where I found him,” Remus started, attempting to break the icy silence at the table with a jackhammer as always.

“Do you even know where that is?” Roman scoffed, incredulous.

“Well, no, but I could get close.”

“This isn’t helping,” Logan interjected, “How about you bring it to a shelter? One nearby where you found it?” The table nodded in general agreement, but Remus only frowned.

“But that isn’t where I got it from. What if it has an owner? What if the closest shelter isn’t a no-kill shelter, and we go to all the trouble of saving the cat only for the fucks at the shelter to hurt it?” Remus’ pace picked up with his heart rate—despite only having this cat for maybe six hours, if anything happened to it, Remus had a pretty good idea of what he’d end up doing.

“We can check for that, can’t we, Lo?” Patton chimed in, placing a calming, steady hand on Remus’ shoulder, which sunk, relieved, at the touch.

“Possibly. But, regardless, it isn’t Remus’ cat. Our priority is to get it back to its original owner, if it has one,” Logan pointed out, “If that isn’t possible, then we need to reevaluate our plan, come up with another, and settle for a different goal.”

“Have we at any point today even actually had a plan?” Virgil snickered, ever the pessimist—it wasn’t like he was really helping as he was, once again, staring at his phone.

“Well, it’s not like you’ve done much besides stare at your phone today, edgelord,” Remus snarked, though it came out as more of a mumble—his face was pressed into the table, and his eyes were on the cat in the bag.

“You’re gonna have to get better nicknames, Dukey, we’re all edgelords here,” Janus deadpanned, smudging an unhealthy amount of eyeshadow around his eyes while Virgil and Remus argued over their respective contributions.

“Okay, can you, my brother,” Roman pointed to Remus, whose teeth clacked with how fast he shut up, ”and you, my boyfriend,” he pointed to Virgil, who could only look the smallest bit abashed,  “calm all the way down? Stop arguing, holy shit—” Roman took another breath, relishing the silence that had fallen over the table before pushing on, “—how about we all go, together, and fix this shit? I mean, what could go wrong?”

---

The answer was a lot. A fucking lot could go wrong when six seventeen-year-olds tried to coordinate anything, let alone an amateur heist.

Remus managed to get through the rest of the school day without much incident, but the rest of them were not so lucky, managing to receive a grand total of three detentions and six failed tests from lunch to the end of seventh period between the five of them. The teens recounted the horror stories of sixth period; Patton gesturing wildly from the driver's seat, Remus sat quietly (for maybe the second time in his life) in the passenger seat, and the remaining accomplices squished together in the back seat (which would fit three people at most for any group that wasn’t them). Also in the back seat was the cat, who had been dubbed “Thomas” for the time being—he was sat in Janus’ lap, curled up around an abandoned ball of yarn that had been left under one of the seats. The car ride across town would have been incredibly tense and unbearably long without the feline, and for that, Remus was grateful—even if he still had a sinking feeling of guilt swirling in his stomach.

---

           After a surprisingly uneventful car ride (except for the stop at a drive through for a morale boost (Patton’s words) of coffees and drinks which ended, after a rather nasty pothole, with a massive stain on the roof of the car), the party settled into the waiting room at the—no-kill, Remus triple checked—animal shelter. There weren’t enough chairs, so the group made more of a pile around Thomas, some of them standing, and the others sitting both on chairs and the floor. Juxtaposed with the sterile white of the walls, they stood out like the emo cousins that they basically were. Remus bounced his leg, up, down, up, down, over and over. He kept knocking his knee against Janus’, which jostled Thomas every time he did.

“Sorry,” Remus mumbled, trying to focus on holding still.  But it itched in the back of his brain, guilt and stress and fault and all the wonderful, terrible feelings churning, over and over. The clock behind the desk was too loud, and Remus couldn’t do anything about it because they wouldn’t even have to be here if not for him. So he kept his mouth shut and tried not to cry—for all of two minutes, because that was when Janus decided that he had had enough, and shoved a ball of fur into his arms. For a moment, Remus was terrified he was going to fuck it up, hurting Thomas or himself or causing some other inevitable disaster, but Thomas just pushed his warm face into Remus’ palm, and suddenly, somehow the only thing Remus could feel was loved. He choked out a wet laugh, unable to contain the bubbling build-up of emotions that had been brewing since he first saw Thomas that morning. His friends all looked at him, concerned at first, but all they could do was coo at Remus being the softest they had ever seen him. He sniffed, and gave them all a watery smile.

“Thanks, guys.”

“Sincerity? In my brother? It’s more likely than you think!” Roman teased, poking his brother in the arm. Remus stuck his tongue out at him, and the teens devolved into familiarity, playful taunts and sincere joy, waiting to be called back for Thomas’ check up.

---

While the veterinarian had been momentarily taken aback at the request for all six visitors to be in the room during the appointment, she also hadn’t seen a reason to say no at the time. Thus, once again, like the clowns they were, they piled into the room and crowded around the table, Thomas at the heart of it all—confoundingly calm given the situation, at least to the onlookers.

The veterinarian introduced herself to each of them, and began examining the cat for any injuries, microchips, or anything out of place.

“He seems to be healthy, no broken bones or infections…” The doctor said, reaching for a handheld device, “If he’s microchipped, and I’m able to reach the owner, you boys will be off the hook, okay?” Remus cringed, but nodded—he needed to remember that Thomas wasn’t his before he got hurt. She ran the scanner over Thomas’ back, and hummed.

“I’m… actually not finding anything. You said he was lost?”

“I don’t know for sure,” Remus confessed, “I found him on the street, so he could be a stray.”

“It seems he was a very lucky one, for sure. Most cats his age are incredibly susceptible to outside bacteria—finding you guys likely saved his life.” Remus’ eyes widened, and his hand reached for Thomas almost instinctively.

“You said that he doesn’t have an owner?”

“Not that I can determine, no. Did he have a collar, any sort of identification?”

Remus shook his head.

“Well, there are two options in the meantime; we can hold on to him, and put him up for adoption through our services, or you could adopt him. He needs to be immunized and neutered, first, but where he ends up is up to you guys.” Remus thought to himself for a moment.

“Hey, Roman. How mad do you think Mom would be if we brought Cain and Abel home a new friend?”

---

The answer? Not mad enough to outweigh her happiness at Remus’ smile with Thomas in his arms. And even though he didn’t end up getting the extra credit in anatomy, Remus’ circle of best friends grew by one, so he thinks he did alright in the end.

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Hi! It's me again 😅 So, I totally get if you won't feel comfortable writing this, but I'd like to request Dazai (and anyone else if you want) with a selfharming s/o (cutting and starving, if possible). I recently relapsed and haven't been doing well from the begining of the year actually and fics like that help me lots. Again, I totally get if that's something you don't wanna write. Thank you~

It's perfectly alright! I actually enjoy writing this kind of angst. I hope this helps you. And if you ever felt like that, feel free to chat with me, as well! This is going to be female S/O specifically, since that's how the game depicts it, so do tell me if you want me to redo this if you're not comfortable with this.

Also, forgive me if I was not able to portray Dazai all that well. I do like him as a character, but I can't really get a handle on him.

Also, Japanese speaking people, feel free to correct me if I used some phrases wrong! Google Translate isn't always accurate.

Trigger warning to anyone else reading this, this includes mentions of self harm and depressive thoughts, so please that keep this in mind.

--------------------------------------------------

NOT ALONE (DAZAI X READER)

Again.

Just when she thought she would be okay.

But this is the sort of thing that just refused to go away, wasn't it?

She dearly hoped no one noticed. She had been able to get away with not eating, ready with the excuse "I'll eat later." And the cuts were easily concealed with long sleeves.

"Toshiko-san, are you quite alright?"

Ah, the love of her life. What a wonderful man he was.

She remembers the gentle keenness in his eyes as he asked her. She remembers how she quelled the panic rising in her chest, and said, "I'm fine," With a fake smile. He didn't push it, and she was glad for it.

What a goddamn liar.

You really don't deserve him, you know?

This, these cuts, this empty-ness, this what you deserve.

Pathetic. Truly pathetic.

Many nights had passed with her doing this. Starve, cut, cry, sleep, repeat.

This was another such night.

(Y/N) twirled the knife absent-mindedly. She was sitting on her bed, back facing the window. She had already rolled up her sleeves. More cuts waited to be added to the galaxy of scars on her wrist. Her eyes blank as she brought down the blade onto her skin.

The sound of a window opening stopped her.

She whirled around, hiding the knife under her pillow, hastily rolling down her sleeves, standing up to face whatever was there.

Actually, whoever.

"Dazai?" Try as she might, she couldn't keep the astonishment out of her voice. "Why are you here? It's the middle of the night!" He shook his head. "Precisely why I'd like to ask you why you're still awake. May I come in?"

She hesitated for a moment. There was a chance that he would come to know if she let him in. But if she didn't, he'd get suspicious. "Sure."

He slipped in and closed the window behind him. (Y/N) sat down on the bed, her pillow to her left. Dazai sat down on her right.

"What brings you here?" (Y/N) asked, trying to not show her panic. "Why, can't I come see my love when I want to?" He questioned, golden eyes glimmering cheerfully. She forced a laugh. "In the middle of the night, Dazai?" You are such a liar, (Y/N). "I got desperate, shin'ainaru-kun e (my dear). I barely see you these days. We don't even get to talk during meal times."

Her heart froze.

Does he know?

He noticed the change in her expression. "... Did you really think I wouldn't realise, (Y/N)?"

The use of her name by him, especially without honorifics, caught her off-guard. "You haven't been eating well. I can tell, you're looking sicker and more exhausted by the day." He looked straight into her eyes.

"There's something wrong, isn't there?"

She couldn't lie to those eyes. Not to those beautiful, mesmerising golden irises. Not to the gentleness and care in those eyes.

Look away. Look away. Look away. Look away!

Her hand moved instead of her eyes, grasping the pillow on her bed with such force that a part of it lifted upwards, revealing the knife.

His eyes instantly flicked in the direction of her hand, and he saw it.

Before she could react, he had picked it up.

Oh no.

His eyes went from the knife to her, then from her to the knife, back and forth, back and forth as if trying to believe what he saw.

(Y/N) pursed her lips, expecting the worst.

He walked away from her, gently putting the knife on a table away from her, then came back to her and she closed her eyes instantly.

She felt strong, warm arms encircle her and she opened her eyes, shocked.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was so gentle, so warm, she didn't deserve this!

"I didn't- Want to." Was all she managed to mumble. "Why?" His tone was calm, but she could hear a tremor in his voice.

She bit her lip.

"I don't deserve this." She finally whispered.

She could feel him move to look at her. "What makes you think that?"

I can't take this anymore.

"It's the truth! I'm a waste of space and a mistake! I shouldn't even be here, alive, breathing, I- I don't deserve any of the good things happening to me, I- I don't deserve you, Dazai!"

She broke down. She sobbed, clinging to him, her long-repressed emotions finding a release.

Even then her mind wouldn't let her.

Why are you telling him? Shut up, just shut up!

But it felt nice, somehow, it felt nice to let it out, to cry, his arms felt so warm, his hands rubbing her back felt so comforting, he smelled so nice, it was just-

Good.

She felt loved.

He raised a hand, placing it on her cheek. "(Y/N), I don't know how long you've been thinking like this. But I promise you, it's not true. You-" He looked into her eyes, and she felt as if he was looking into her, all of her.

"You are a blessing to me. Not many have the patience to stick around and try to truly understand me, but you did. I'm a difficult man to love, but you did. You are exceptionally strong willed for making it this far in life while dealing with thoughts like these. Believe in yourself, ai (love) . There's so much more to you than you realise."

It felt nice to hear, but… "That's so hard to believe, and- I don't think I can make it."

His other hand rose to her cheek, and he cupped her face gently. "That's what I'm here for. I will help you believe. I'll be there for you when you need me, so don't push me away again, alright? I love you, (Y/N). All of you."

For the first time in days, she managed to smile. A weak one, but still a smile. "Thank you, Dazai." He shook his head. "Īe, īe (No, no), no need to thank me. It's the least I can do."

They embraced, the voice in her head quiet for now, and (Y/N) realised, that though this was going to be an uphill climb, it was going to be messy, it would take a long time, but she would not be alone. It was not impossible.

[ahhhhhhdonna]

 Little bitty teeny tiny sick fic.  Maybe more later, I don’t know.   :)

“You brought a healer here?”

Geralt looked fit to tear him apart.  All at once more wolf than man, his eyes narrow and flashing hot gold.  

“Well, no, of course not,” Jaskier retorted, hurt.  “Honestly, Geralt. I know you think I'm stupid, but I am not that stupid. I didn't even mention Ciri to her. I went to the healer as though for myself.  I figured anything she gave me would be safe enough to give to Ciri, if we dilute it.”

“For...yourself?”

At Geralt's apparent confusion, Jaskier lifted a hand and lightly tugged on the front of his chemise until Geralt could see the patch of red fever rash crawling up his chest.  

The witcher's hard face softened as quickly as snow in the sun.

“Jaskier...You..you have it, too.”

“Hazards of being a human, dear witcher, half the village is ill with it,” he responded, redoing the ties to his shirt with hands that were trembling, just a bit.  “Now, Gods, stop looking at me like that and get to work. The healer told me these herbs are best taken as a tea.  It will bring her fever down, if Ciri will take it.”

He began untying the small parcel of remedy when Geralt firmly gripped his arm, stilling him.  The shock of the touch on his fever-hot skin shot through him like a splash of cold water and he tried hard not to shiver, blinking under Geralt's ever intense gaze.

“I don't,” Geralt faltered, “...think you're stupid.”

“You do and I am, it’s true,” Jaskier said.  “But...not when it comes to her, alright?  I'd not put her in harm's way, if I can help it.”  

Geralt plainly did not know what to say, brow furrowed.  Jaskier huffed with fond exasperation and pressed his too-warm fingers to that large, scarred hand.  

“You can release me, you impossible brute,” he said, softly, “I forgive you.  Let loose.”

Reluctantly, Geralt did let go but his odd gaze did not.

“Lie down,” he said, at last, voice gruff.  He took the parcel from Jaskier's hands and gave the bard a push as gently as he could.

“I'll take care of it from here. I'll...take care of you both.”

[myherowritings]

The Pizza Delivery Guy

— overview: your roommate orders a pizza with the special instructions, “send your cutest delivery boy ;)” and you’re left in complete awe when it actually works. — pairing: kirishima eijirou x reader — word count: 1,597 — genre: pizza delivery au, college au, fluff — author’s note: this is my first kiri fic so hopefully i did him justice! he was super fun to write for and i loved this au omg hope you enjoy it as well xx sofia

“They’re talking about me.”

“Yeah, right. They obviously mean me!”

“Dude, do you need glasses or something? The instructions clearly say the cutest delivery guy. Not the delivery guy most likely to eat a slice of your pizza during the drive.”

Kaminari folded his arms across his chest with a snort. He took a freshly warmed pizza out of the oven and placed it in a box, adding yellow peppers and garlic sauce on the side.

“It was one time!” he defended under his breath. “Damn, with the way you and Toyomitsu-san reacted, you would’ve thought I caused the end of the world…”

Rolling his eyes, Kirishima took the box from his friend and placed in a black carrier bag. “It was three times--and you’re lucky that green-haired kid was so forgiving each time.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Now if you’re done being stubborn,” Eijirou said with a cheeky grin, “the cutest delivery guy is about to bring the lovely customer their pizza.”

- - - - -

“That is definitely not what the ‘special instructions’ box is meant for!” you said, mouth gaping open as you reviewed what Mina had ordered under your name while you were in the bathroom.

“What do you mean?” She pouted. “What other special instructions could one possibly give?”

“Enter through the back entrance? The side gate is the one that leads to the proper parking for the apartment complex?” you suggested. “Plenty of things other than ‘send your cutest delivery guy, winky face’!”

Ashido laughed at your frantic tone, bumping your shoulder with hers. She shook her head when she saw your anxious frown.

“Stop worrying, Y/N,” she said. “It’ll give you premature wrinkles. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen anyway?”

You narrowed your gaze at her. “What if they send us the short, creepy guy with the weird purple hair that we had to file a complaint against? Simply to spite our obnoxious request?!”

“Pfft. I’m sure they’ve fired him by now.” But she didn’t look very convinced herself.

“If you say so.”

With a huff, you glanced down at the delivery tracker map on your phone and got a message saying your pizza would be arriving shortly. And if you knew anything about delivery services, “shortly” could mean anything from 30 minutes up to 2 hours--nothing less.

But, apparently, you did not know as much about delivery services as you thought you did because in less than 10 minutes, the doorbell rang.

You and Ashido stared at each other.

“There’s no way that’s the pizza,” you said.

“Nope,” she deadpanned. “My stomach usually growls about three times, then feels like it’s going to cave in all before the food typically arrives.”

You tilted your head, slightly questioning her system of measurement.

There was an unsure knock at the door but neither of you made a notion to move.

“Aren’t you going to get the pizza you ordered?” you asked with a nudge.

She gave you a look, standing up to walk down the hallway. “I would, but I really have to pee! Can you get it?”

Without waiting for you to respond, Mina dashed to the bathroom. You stared at the place her back once was, speechless.

“You just don’t want to pay for it, huh?!” you called after her, grumbling as you fished your wallet out of your bag. “And they said living with a roommate would be cheaper...”

You swung the door open to face the pizza deliverer in front of you, expecting to find a short, slightly creepy looking dude akin to the purple-haired worker you saw about a month ago. But you could not be more wrong.

Instead of a creep, you found yourself staring into the startling red eyes of a handsome guy with a smile on his face.

His grin was so bright it could light up a room, you thought, utterly speechless for the second time this night.

“Hi,” you said breathlessly, internally cursing yourself for how idiotic you probably sounded.

He held back a noise of laughter. “Hi. I-- Ah… I have a large pizza for Y/L/N Y/N?”

“Yeah, that’s me!” you chirped, grimacing at the overly excited voice that came out of your mouth.

He smoothly unzipped the delivery bag and held the pizza with one hand, drawing attention to his tanned, muscular forearms.

“Damn, they really succeeded in following the special instructions,” you couldn’t help but mumbler under your breath, gaze trailing the subtle trace of veins on his arms, then glancing at the name tag on his chest. Kirishima.

The only signal that he heard you with the faint blush on his cheeks, but he made no comment.

“That’ll be ¥2,600,” Kirishima said as he handed you the pizza. “But be careful! The bottom is a bit hot still. I kind of got here faster than anticipated.”

You smiled at the sheepish look on his face as you pulled out some cash from your wallet. “You did get here rather quickly. Especially for a pizza delivery guy.”

“Hey! At Fatgum’s Pizzeria we take customer satisfaction very seriously,” he protested, a twinkle in his eye to let you know he wasn’t actually offended.

You thought of the note Mina added in the special instructions box and then glanced at the man in front of you. “You guys sure do a good job in that department.”

As you handed him the cash for the pizza, along with a couple extra yen for his tip, you heard your roommate running down the hallway.

“Did I miss him?!” she cried. “Was the pizza delivery guy cute?”

Both you and the worker stared at her with wide eyes.

“Um, Mina…” you hissed.

Her gazed snapped towards the direction of the door and her jaw dropped.

“You’re the cutest delivery guy they have?” Ashido deadpanned.

“Mina!”

“What?!”

“Nice to see you too, Ashido,” said Kirishima with a laugh.

She hummed. “I didn’t expect to see you here, but hi Kirishima.”

Looking back and forth between the two of them, you blinked slowly. “The two of you know each other?”

“We had the same physics class our second year of university,” he supplied, adjusting the cap on his head.

Mina hadn’t told you much about her physics class--other than how boring it was--but one thing you did remember her mentioning was the cute red-head she thought you would love. But there was no way this was the same guy…

“I’ve told you about him before, Y/N,” she said happily, skipping over to the door and taking the pizza from your hands, opening the box with a whiff before turning back to you. “He’s the one I tried setting you up with that one time, but you flaked!”

Well, apparently it was the same guy.

You only vaguely remembered that moment, but the thought was enough to cause the heat to rise to your cheeks. Even Kirishima stifled an awkward cough, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Did I?” you managed to choke out, money still resting on the palm of your hand.

“Yup!”

“Ah, so you’re the infamous roommate Ashido wouldn’t stop talking about,” he piped up, grinning despite his pinkened face. “Aw-- Now that I’ve seen you in person, I’m even more bummed you didn’t show.”

Though his tone was teasing, there was sincerity in his voice. You bit your lower lip sheepishly.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I definitely regretted flaking to study for some dumb test,” you said with a laugh. “I pretty much failed that exam anyway.”

“Karma for not showing up,” claimed Mina.

You stuck your tongue out at her.

“Well, if you regret not going out with me that first time, we could always have a redo,” Kirishima suggested with a cheeky grin on his face.

Unsure if you heard him correctly, you stared at him blankly and said the most coherence sentence you could muster. “W-What?”

“A redo date,” he repeated. “Say…tomorrow around six?”

“Are you asking me out?”

“I am. Are you rejecting me?”

“Of course not!” you blurted, eyes growing wide as you realized what you had said. More quietly this time, you continued, “I’d be an idiot not to go on a date with you.”

A look of surprise crossed Kirishima’s features--almost as if he didn’t expect you to actually agree. Oddly enough, as much as you liked his outgoing personality, you found the uncertain expression on his face to be rather cute. Your stomach flipped at the thought.

“Really?” he asked. You nodded in response and his cheek dimpled as he smiled. “Maybe this time, you won’t flake on me.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at his teasing. “I plan not to. Who in their right mind would miss their chance with the cutest delivery guy the pizzeria has to offer?”

“And no one would dare to miss their shot with the cutest person in the whole apartment building.”

From behind you, you heard Mina make an indignant noise of protest, but didn’t say anything. Instead, she continued munching on the crust of her pizza slice as she stared at the two of you intently.

Just then, Kirishima’s phone buzzed, signally another order was ready for delivery.

“I would love to stay and chat, but duty calls,” he said apologetically, placing the pizza carrier back on his shoulders. “Don’t forgot about our date, though, Y/L/N!”

“I won’t. I’ll see you tomorrow, Kirishima!” you called, peering out of the door and down the hall as you waved goodbye.

He gave you one last glance with a foolish grin on his face. “Looking forward to it, cutie!”

[dkfile]

i really enjoy reading "forgiveness"! i super love how you wrote the main character!!

AAAA thank you!! 💖🫂 i’m so happy to hear you love the mc, i really enjoyed writing them <33

[oboevallis]

Hii. ! I’m new on tumblr and I’ve been reading all your fics. Can you please please write one about Amelia having a phone call with her mother. In which Carolyn calls to ask how she’s doing and how’s motherhood and the baby and she tells her like all her experiences about the birth, breastfeeding sleepless nights and all of that? Thank u! I hope u have an amazing day❤️

advice

thank you so much for the prompt, and welcome to tumblr! not sure if this was quite what you wanted, but i can always redo it. have a good day and stay safe!

Amelia situated herself in bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had the opportunity to sleep without worrying about her baby. Her boyfriend had taken their baby for a walk, letting her sleep for a bit. As she closed her eyes she heard her phone ring. She was tempted to ignore it until she thought it could be Link and something was wrong. So she abruptly turned around to grab the phone on the nightstand.

“Hello? What’s wrong?” Amelia asked in a panic as she answered the phone.

“Just me kiddo.” Her mother’s voice chuckled through the phone. “Wanted to see how the baby and you two were doing. I haven’t heard from you since the night he was born.”

“Oh,sorry” Amelia relaxed back into the bed. “I thought you were Link. He took the baby on a walk.”

“Oh you must of been sleeping, I’m sorry about that. I’ll call you later.”

“No, stay, please.” She hesitated for a moment, she had been thinking a lot about her own mother since the birth of her son. “This is going to sound terrible, but I hope I wasn’t as terrible to you as my baby is to me. It just feels like he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you Amelia. I’ll tell you what by the time you came along I thought I had a general idea of what I was doing, but you. You were my kryptonite, the methods I found worked with my other kids just didn’t soothe you. I felt like I had to relearn babies when you came along, and then you proved to be even more difficult as a teenager.” Carolyn chuckled. “What’s challenging you the most?”

“I mean other than sleeping. I just feel like he’s upset all the time, and nothing I do makes him happy.” Amelia felt her composure breaking, but she didn’t want her mother to know motherhood was starting to push her limits.

“Upset how?”

“I dunno. He just cries all the time, and I know your going to say that’s normal. But I try everything and he just keeps crying.”

“Well, you said Link was on a walk with him. Does movement calm him down?” Carolyn asked trying to help her daughter find a solution. She knew from firsthand experience how stressful a inconsolable baby could be.

“Not really he can usually can go a whole walk crying for the duration, so Link has to go onto empty trails now. I think Link just wanted to get out of the house, and give me a break.” She smiled to herself, she was eternally grateful for the man she decided to have a child with.

“He may have colic.”

“What even is colic anyway? Like everyone talks about it but what is it. I mean I’m a doctor and don’t even know what that is.”

“You know I’ve never really figured that out it’s just basically where they cry a lot and are inconsolable, but Kathleen had it. I remember I was scared out of my mind because first off she was my first baby and secondly your father had dropped her, she already had colic before that, but I was furious because I thought it had made the situation worse, and that was the only time I ever made your father sleep on the couch.”

“So you just let her cry?”

“There’s nothing else you can do Amy.”

“I’m just supposed to watch as he screams his head off?”

“Well do you think something else is wrong?”

“No, I don’t think so at least.” Amelia bit nervously at her nail. “He has a doctors appointment in a week though. You don’t think there’s something wrong do you?”

“Amy, you and your boyfriend are both doctors. I think you’d know. No one said this was going to be easy.”

“Mom, obviously I know that. I-I just can’t help him, I just wanted him to be healthy and happy. And he’s been healthy, but he’s just so upset and I can’t do anything to help him. I just want him to be happy, and I just what if he hates me. He deserves so much better than me.”

“Now Amelia, I’m not going to sit here and let you talk about yourself like that. You are a very very talented neurosurgeon, who helps prevent a number of patients from forming an addiction.”

“A job title has nothing to do with good parenting.” Amelia cut her mother off.

“I wasn’t done yet Amy. Gosh, I feel sorry for Link he must get cut off every other sentence.” Amelia rolled her eyes, but allowed her mother to continue. “You’ve come along way. You’ve been through a lot. You’ve learned a lot. How I perceive motherhood, is you passing on the wisdom you’ve gained in your life to help your child navigate through their life. And you have a lot of wisdom to give your son. You love so freely and so deeply that, this boy is incredibly lucky. All you need to worry about is keeping up with your sobriety, that’s the only thing you could do that would have your son hate you. Not that you won’t make mistakes, because you’ll make hundreds that you’ll forever feel guilty for. But trust me this little boy deserves you.”

“Thank you.” Amelia managed to say as tears fell down her face. She didn’t realize how much it helps to hear validation from her mother to help her through this.

“You just need to be patient with your baby and yourself, it’s going to take time to identify the techniques that calm him and comfort him. And make sure you and Link are communicating. Now I have to get going, I have to get to the library for book club. But how about we make a plan for me to come stay with you guys for a week, so the two of you can have an extra pair of hands.”

“I’d really appreciate that.”

“Okay then. I’ll call you when I get home. I love you kiddo, you’ve got this.”

“Love you too.” Amelia smiled whilst the tears as she hung up. She wasn’t a crier, so she was blaming the hormones still coursing her body. She knew her and her mother had a lifetime of forgiving to do, but she was so grateful she lwas now able to go to her mother for advice.

part 2

[wangxianficrecs]

Hi! I appreciate what you're doing for the fandom and I really hope you can help find a missing fic- WWX is the moon god and wangxian met when LZ was young and he tended to WWX's injury cause he fell off the jingshi roof. They keep meeting every new moon as LZ grows and falls in love with WWX but content not telling him. Its not quite unrequited bc WWX being a deity cant love. It was a WIP but it ended where WWX gave up his divinity, put it in a lotus tassle(?) and asked LZ to keep it.Thank you❤

FOUND!  by @akinohikari AND @catholicjigglypuff who point us to  Lying on the Edge of a Star by Suspicious_Popsicle

***

@violet-fangirl15 (2) says:  Hi, can u help me find a fic? It's wangxian but in a modern setting where lan zhan runs a mafia with his brother and wei wuxian and Jiang Cheng are assasins. Somehow wei wuxian meets lan zhan and they get together, but then someone has a hit on lan zhan and wuxian takes it instead. I think its a series. Lotus pier is destroyed, somehow jin Ling is reincarnated and serves with lan shizhui as helpers? To the lan zhan. That's all I remember. Can u help me find it?

???  Could you be thinking of You & Me Baby, We'll Eclipse The Sun by  by 2501987?  I haven’t had the courage to dive into that one yet...

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Anon (3) says:  Hello, I am looking for a Wangxian fic that I read a little while ago but cannot find again. Its a smut, usually LWJ doms for WWX but LWJ really wants to relinquish control but doesn't want to tell WWX, WWX realises on a night hunt and then thats what the fic is about. I'm sorry this is not a fantastic description, if you don't know it please feel free to ignore

FOUND!  @mondengel says Fledgling by grimsgay.

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@pardonthelitany (4) says:  I’m looking for a wangxian fic where wwx gets a replacement golden core. Specifically, I think wen qing builds it for him out of other people’s spiritual energy (like even lan zixuan and madam yu donate)? I love stories where his golden core is recovered in some way! Thank you so much for everything you do! I always look forward to your recs!! ♥️♥️

Ah!  I’ve read and recced this one, but I can’t find it, dammit.  Like, I JUST re-read it.  Help me out, here, Followers....

FOUND! @quietellen and @inessencedevided agree that it’s please forgive my most passionate disruptions by pumpkinpaix (scribogenesis) if the anon is looking for a modern AU where they're still cultivators

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Anon (5) says:  hey! love your blog so much it’s amazing i love your comments and the images you make for each fic!!! [*thank you!*] i was wondering if you could help me find a fic. it was a modern!au and wwx finally gets lwx to sleep with him after a halloween party where he’s dressed in drag and he thinks lwj is straight and only wants to fuck him when he’s dressed like a girl and lwj thinks wwx is experimenting with gender and they end up fuck buddies until wwx breaks it off bc of a misunderstanding. thanks so much!

FOUND!  by @luckymoony AND @candicewright who agree that it’s  i'll be your girl by plonk

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Anon (6) says:  I’m looking for this fic that happens around the Sunshot Campaign/a little bit after that where LWJ helps WWX control his demonic cultivation when he gets angry by making out to distract him. Any help would be appreciated, thanks!

FOUND! last week!  We think it’s  Overcome by thunderwear

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Anon (7) says:

Hi! I’ve been trying to find an a/b/o fic that starts out with madam yu finding out wwx is an omega and wwx goes into heat in the cave at the burial mounds. Can’t remember much else. Sorry. Could you help me find it?

***

@thegirlwhosawdeath (8) says:  So this is a specific fic that I can't find anymore, could you help me? It is after canon LWJ & WWX are together. LWJ had kink with YP!WWX before WWX died, and he still do now. He feels guilt and WWX those not know what is going on, he dos some things to find out what is going on. He surprises LWJ and redos the 'come back too Gusu' scene, where LWJ kind of Dom's him

FOUND!  by @akinohikari who says it’s devil from heaven by incendir [which I actually have bookmarked here, derp.]

***

Help me out, darlings!  @cqlfic, @cloudreadcesses, @wujificrec, @wangxianfics

[ixalit]

If you don't want to, absolutely to pressure....but I saw hbalbat posted a list of all her projects and wips and I was wondering if you could do the same? I love your writing and it's so interesting to see writers' project lists. I know you talked about your WIPs some but you said you had headcanons and other prompts you were working on.... anyway like I said no pressure but I'd be interested :) Hope you have a good weekend!

(hope you have a good weekend too, nonnie!)

Oh jeez. Okay. I’ll try to list them all and I’ll put them under a cut since the list is ungodly long. Keep in mind some of these will undoubtedly take forever to complete and I might abandon them if I stop feeling them. Also keep in mind that I’m not actively writing all of these - some I only have a few paragraphs and some I’m still in the planning phase of. 

Ok. Let’s do this....

MultiChap and Longer-Than-A-Oneshot Projects:

shrunkyclunks you’ve got mail au

stucky bingo collab with K @howdoyousleep3

trouble with a capital T and tiny gold shorts (stucky, halloween)

stucky ghost au (tumblr prompt)

evanstan retirement fic (FINE @rainbowsandcoconut I’LL DO IT)

stucky 5+1+kids

evanstan + praise kink

stucky enemies and lovers fic inspired by Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog

Oneshot Projects:

grocery store grindr stucky meet-cute

goodbye - pre war angst

evanstan soft morning sleepy sex

steve/winter soldier whump

stucky, retired in the mountains 

evanstan, cockwarming, daddy!kink, that plaid suit

le christmas fluff - evanstan

seb’s mom is chris’s piano teacher evanstan au

evanstan choreography and smut

evanstan, cockwarming, daddy!kink, that plaid suit

evanstan choreography and smut

Tumblr Prompts:

horny thoughts about seb (headcanons)

who has a higher sex drive, seb or chris? (headcanons)

evanstan signature foreplay moves (headcanons)

evanstan first impressions of each other (headcanons)

have they ever made each other cry? for my meet-punch shrinkyclinks pairing (headcanon)

what’s something they’ve each had to forgive the other for? for my meet-punch shrinkyclinks pairing (headcanon)

exchange of dirty talk between my shrinkyclinks meet-punch pairing

what would be a dealbreaker for evanstan (headcanon)

“you wanna go back to my place” evanstan smut

“shh I think I hear something” evanstan

"you smell really nice” stucky smut, a/b/o

“I can’t remember the last time I was this happy” stucky fluff

“I got the call last night” stucky 

Other Things:

finish writing 🍓 compliment for K @howdoyousleep3

finish writing 🍓 compliment for Amanda @thegodswife

finish writing 🍓 compliment for Bec @darter-blue

finish writing 🍓 compliment for Ric @stuckys-hot-dogs

favorite evanstan moments (compilation post)

why i think seb is a sub (compilation post)

redo masterlist and pinned post

[theweekinarrowfic]

Completed Arrow Multichapters on AO3, September 6-12, 2020

NOTE: I’m now crossposting to https://theweekinarrowfic.dreamwidth.org Need more Arrow in your life? Why not try one of the multchapter fanfics recently completed by our talented fic writers?

Olicity

Have My Baby by LiteraLi (11/11, 08 Sep 2020) - Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen have been best friends since he walked into her office seven years ago with a latte-covered laptop. Felicity is a permanent fixture in Oliver and his son William’s lives. When Oliver gets baby fever and begins looking for a way to expand his family, there's only one person he’s willing to turn to…

It's the ones you love that can hurt you the most by kapiushon17 (13/13, 11 Sep 2020) - A different take on the scene in the Season 1 finale, in which Malcolm holds Oliver captive - a lot darker, heed the tags!

Other Ships/Characters

Crossing by Garcia_Allen (Roy Harper/Jackson Whittemore, 2/2, 11 Sep 2020) - 第二天早上，我在迷蒙中忽然想到，自从我认识他以来，我的噩梦消散了不少。

Oliver and Natasha by Buffyworldbuilder (lateVMlover) (Oliver/Natasha Romanov, 3/3, 10 Sep 2020) - This is the sequel to "The Wedding" and focuses mostly on Oliver and Natasha. They will find themselves both questioning and exploring the relationship that has developed between them as they balance their missions with the connection between them. Other characters, of course, are in it as it continues the Steve and Felicity love story, too. However, it will center around them instead of Felicity and Steve. You really should not read this one without reading "Because I'm Worth It" and all the others. I hope you enjoy the first chapter!; Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Marvel characters found in this story nor do I own Arrow or the DC universe.

I'll Follow You Into Heaven or Hell by backinthebox (Nyssa/Sara, 6/6, 12 Sep 2020) - It was easier to deal with the fact that Nyssa was out in the world when their lives weren't closely entwined, and the fact that Nyssa was the one taking care of Laurel was a constant reminder.; One problem Sara had was the knowledge that Nyssa was often caught up in situations that could never be classified as "normal," and if Laurel was with her, that meant Laurel would be caught up in it, and unlike Sara, Laurel hadn't spent years in the League.; (Protected by her status as the Heir's Beloved, but that's beside the point.)

I'm Okay Really by 3ls_fictions (Barry Allen/Oliver, 8/8, 06 Sep 2020) - Barry Allen had an issue. It was an accident, he knew it was. Then again, do you ever really develop an eating disorder on purpose?

Hurt and Confusion by 3ls_fictions (Barry Allen/Oliver, 10/10, 09 Sep 2020) - Barry is missing and only one person has the power to find him. When Oliver finds him it’s not what he expects. How will he handle the situation?

Just fucking let me love you by mizar24 (Dinah Drake/Earth-2 Laurel, 3/13, 10 Sep 2020) - okay i changed the name again but this is the last time I promise. the new title is from a song of the same name by the singer lowen; New Team Arrow from season 6 capture Laurel and but then she sort of joins the team and they all become friends and Laurel and Dinah fall in love

New World, New Us by wayhaughtforever (Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Sara listed as character, 22/22, 08 Sep 2020) - Post-Crisis and redo of season 5.; What if after Crisis, Kara saved a little girl from Eve and Lex only to find out that she has a special connection to the little green-eyed girl. Somehow this little girl is her daughter, a daughter that looks just like Lena. Will Lena be able to forgive Kara's betrayal for the child's sake?

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

Hi, ur fics are great, i like it! Um i see u're taking the request so can i request a fic about Jumin was actually having an illness that he had been dealing with almost a year but he never told to anyone including his wife until she found the fact about it? Thank you! I hope u have a good day :D

I like the idea of this, since even though I do not personally head canon Jumin as having a long standing illness, the potential is very much there.

To be more specific, I used epilepsy in this fic, since many aspects of having epilepsy correlate to Jumin however unintentionally. E.g. people with epilepsy cannot drive under certain circumstances, they are very often prone to headaches, some have nutritionists to monitor progress with keto or paleo, both of which are used in some cases as an alternative or complimentary treatment to medication. Don’t get me started on how beautifully this would intertwine with his reluctance to let people in.

She took her eyes off him for only a moment.

The party hall was packed to the rafters and at minimum chaotic; guests to please and introductions to make and a near constant stream of empty wineglasses.

MC dreaded to think how long she had needed to pee, only that she took the opportunity the second it came-kissing Jumin on the cheek with a whisper that she would be back soon.

She all but sprinted to the nearest bathroom, breathing a sigh of relief as she closed the door behind her. She wished she had time to fix her makeup and squinted at her reflection in the bathroom mirror as she washed her hands. Her lipstick needed redoing and her hair was starting to unravel. Even so, she dried her hands and rushed back out to the party with very little hesitation.

It had been busy when she left, filled with the roar of almost a hundred people chatting and laughing at once. It was silent when she got back, though, everyone deadly still and crowded in the center. Even the musicians had dropped their instruments and looked on in horror.

At first, somewhat naively, MC assumed one of the serving staff had dropped a plate or bottle and hurried through the crowds to see the problem.

Unfortunately, she never got that far. V had hold of her shoulders before she could break out of the crowd and make her way to the front. 

“MC,” he said, expression grave. “Don’t look.”

“Don’t look? At what?”

She craned her neck over his shoulder, wondering what on earth could have happened to leave him so visibly upset. 

“Where’s Jumin?”

Jumin would definitely know what had happened. V refused to answer, though, and immediately all kinds of terrible scenarios played out in her mind. Jumin taking down an armed gunman…Jumin taken hostage. She wrenched her arm away and ran back into the room, completely ignoring V’s calls for her to come back.

She didn’t know what she expected. Perhaps Jumin in a pool of blood; Jumin dead or worse. She didn’t know what to think when she actually got there. Jumin truly was on the ground, unconscious and surrounded by medics. 

“Step back, ma’am,” said one of them, ushering her away before she could crouch down beside him.

“B-but…I’m his wife.”

MC couldn’t shake how small she felt, unable to do anything but stare at the bloodied froth at his lips.

“I’m his wife. What’s-what happened?”

V caught up to her then and reached for her hand. This time, when he pulled her away, she didn’t argue.

“What’s wrong with him?”

She peered over her coffee and over at V.

They had left the party to follow Jumin to the hospital, leaving the rest of the RFA  to handle everything in their absence. She and V stayed silent in the car; MC afraid to ask what had happened and V too anxious about his friend to tell her. 

She had been gone for only a few minutes. He looked fine before. She wondered if she had missed something in her haste to get away; some subtle hint that something wasn’t right.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the bluish hue of his lips- the same lips that kissed her and whispered goodnight.

 “Is he going to be alright?”

V sighed, moving to take a sip of his coffee and changing his mind.

“There’s nothing wrong with him. He’ll be okay in a few days, all being well.”

MC knew there was more to it. There had to be. People didn’t pass out for no reason.

“I’m his wife,” she whispered. “If there’s anything I should know…”

She couldn’t help thinking that she should have known.

“MC,” said V, “there’s nothing you could have done.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

Jumin was always in good health, always conscious of the right diet and how long he should spend in his personal gym. It didn’t make sense for something like this to happen to him.

“It started when he was younger,” said V, the reluctance in his voice all too apparent. “I don’t know when exactly, but he took pills in pre-school.”

“Pills? What for?”

MC had only ever seen him take aspirin for his headaches. Had he been hiding it from her? Had there always been bottles of medication in his apartment that she simply had not seen?

“For seizures,” said V. “He hasn’t had any for a while…they weaned him off his meds in high school.”

“Why didn’t he tell me? Why did…”

She fell silent, wishing she could stop thinking of his lifeless body. Deep down, she understood and that was the worst part. If she had an illness like that, she doubted she would tell anyone. 

It did not ease her guilt, however. She hated herself even after the doctor reassured her he would be fine and let her into his room. He wasn’t pale anymore, but just as still. 

“We’ll need to monitor him,” said the doctor, “but right now he’s just sleeping.”

MC sat down at the side of his bed and took his hand in hers, wishing she had never left him. She was sure she would never forgive herself for considering her makeup while all of this happened. She should have been at his side. She should have known him better. She wanted to ask him why he had kept it from her; why he still felt the need to protect himself after their wedding. Didn’t he trust her? Did he think she would leave? She had so many questions and even more apologies and rested her head on the bed covers to feel the heat of his body and reassure herself that he was still alive.

She wasn’t sure how long she waited, only that the twitching of his body sent her springing into action. She expected the worst, only to breathe a sigh of relief when he opened his eyes and glanced around the room.

They were in a hospital with the country’s finest doctors, all of whom had told her it was a breakout seizure and he would recover, yet on some level she had still worried that he would never open his eyes again. 

“Darling,” she said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it in hers, “darling I’m here, you’re going to be alright.”

He squinted at the bright lights of the room, curling up his fingers at her touch.

“Darling,” she said again, “I know why you didn’t tell me. I’m not angry.”

He glanced across at her and her blood ran cold. There was no hint of recognition in his eyes; no smile; no warmth.

“J-Jumin?”

He grimaced,dragging his hand from hers and resting it across his forehead.

“Jumin?”

He didn’t respond, though, instead closing his eyes and falling still once again.

He woke again some time later, the stroke of his fingers through her hair jump starting her into action. She sat up, watching as he glanced around the room.

“Wh...”

His voice was raspy, but unmistakably aimed at her. She reached for his hand, squeezing it between hers in fear of what he might say next. She didn’t know what she would do if he asked who she was, but steeled herself for it anyway.

“Where am I? Is this a hospital?”

Her heart skipped a beat.

“Jumin,” she said. “Do...do you remember me?”

He raised an eyebrow, as if she had asked him something completely ridiculous.

“Of course,” he said. “How could I forget you?”

She knew he was probably sore, but she couldn’t stop herself from throwing her arms around him, burying her head in his chest and trying to hold back her tears.

“I’m so h-h-h-happy,” she said. “I thought...I thought I’d lost you forever.”

Later she would ask him why he hadn’t told her. Right then, though, it didn’t matter. She could hear his heartbeat and feel his fingers in her hair. He was okay, they were okay. 

Everything else could come later.

[deluminatorillustrator]

different anon but 8th year headcanons?

heads up anon. i love the idea of 8th year so a lot of this same stuff is going to be in my fic lol. personally i think they never should have gone on that stupid camping trip and had their 7th year at Hogwarts where they belonged!!! they totally could have just gone out to find the horcruxes like harry did in book six? whatever.

i think it probably took a year (or longer maybe!) to put Hogwarts back together. McGonagall somehow managed to convince all the 7th years to come back, because lets be real, i’m sure even the younger students had to redo their year too. having death eaters as teachers probably wasn’t a great learning environment, so Hogwarts would have more than it’s share of students that year. I do enjoy the “8th year dorm” idea, but I think realistically Hogwarts would just add some extra rooms to the house dorms that were already there. HOWEVER: if the 8th years were going to get their own dorm, i think it would be in hogsmeade, and they’d probably trek to class like college students and have their own entire building where all the houses could mesh and they can room with whoever. are harry and Draco roommates? yes. BY CHOICE ;) I bet being out of school for so long would force them to have to study a lot harder to pass their classes, too, so Harry may or may not be getting some private tutoring lessons from his boyfriend. on the other hand, with the walls of their houses rapidly breaking down in the new co-ed, co-house dorm, there would be non. stop. parties. I mean, they’re all legal drinking age and they live right down the street from a bar. let’s be honest, everyone has a hangover constantly, except Hermione.

i think it would probably take harry a little longer to warm up to the slytherins than it took Draco to warm up to the gryffindors. Draco Malfoy is desperate for friends and switched sides in the war, y’all. harry potter spoke at his hearing. if harry can forgive him so can everyone else. harry, though, is stubborn and he’s still probably got pansy’s plea to give him up rattling around in his head. but once it gets through to him that if they were death eaters, they wouldn’t have come back to school, harry is quick to forgive and ends up pretty close with Blaise (i like to think they have a similar sense of humor) he mostly only hangs out with the other slytherins when he’s with Draco (bad habit) but they all learn to get along even if its a bit awkward sometimes. i also like to think harry starts a new da (this time its an actual club, isn’t secret and has a better name) to teach self defense and general magic to anyone who felt a little under-prepared in the war.