#for a dinosaur movie it's not bad i actually really like what they tried going for? ie using footage of real landscape and cgi-ing dinos

[rorsry]

watched uhh dorothy returns ro wizard of oz (2013) and i'd give it a 6.5/10 in general but entertainment wise i'd give it an 8.5 (tbf i was watching it with my brother idk how i'd rate it if i was alone) theres a part where they need a boat and dorothy snaps a piece of wood off a tree who yells in pain and then every tree there starts throwing rocks and acorns at her but then it cuts to a tree hunched over and hes like "take me... take me." and i csnt properly explain why it's so unbelievably funny. the line delivery makes him sound so accepting like he's really willing to die to help dorothy get a boat and i can't stop thinking about it

[decoy1]

Had a dream I was watching season 3 of Rottmnt, it was so vivid and now I’m sad that it isn’t real. So I’m writing some highlights from the dream before I forget.

Draxum and Casey focused episodes on what they were doing during the movie. There were really cool action sequences with original music and everything. It was so cool. There was one scene where the screen divided in half to show both battles.

Music during action scenes. There was a lot of it. I suspect it might have been because I watching Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur before going to sleep tho.

An episode premise: April finally had a good stable job. She was going steady for a whole 2 weeks setting a new record. The turtles got a little suspicious since April can never keep a job for long. Cue investigation, it turns out the job is a front. A front for a cult. April accidentally joined a cult. By the end of the episode April accidentally destroyed the cult in the same way she usually ends up losing her jobs. Alas the curse of April losing her job was too strong.

Another Episode Premise: Splinter and Draxum go undercover for an intel mission at a fancy club. The cover story being that they’re two friends who are trying to reconnect. They’re kinda bad at it since both argue like a married couple. This actually works in their favor tho as the person they’re trying to spy on to get info on is a huge romantic who is super invested in trying to get the two to “reconnect”. Both are forced by the turtles to play along for the sake of the mission. By the end of the episode Draxum and Splinter have performed a proposal, a wedding, a divorce, another re proposal, alongside with a remarriage, but not another divorce because they have to book it away because the turtles got captured. Which meant by the end of the episode Draxum and Splinter were still married.

Over Arching Story: Bishop was hunting down the remaining Foot Clan members. Which included trying to find former Foot Clan members for any information. Of course leading Bishop to Casey. Casey sends him on a wild goose chase as she goes on her own mission to find her former bosses. Being the B plot for a lot of the episodes. In one instance she teams up with Piebald in a gambling ring to win some info.

Running Gag: Casey Jr tries going into the dating world but has trouble since most people who are his age now, were adults during the apocalypse. So if he does find someone to date who he doesn’t recognize they usually end up being some form of “not real”. Highlight examples being: an alien who assumed a human persona to lure specimen to experiment on their ship, a demon with similar motives to the alien except it wanted to eat Casey Jr’s soul, an ai made by Bishop made to find potential Foot Clan members. What was funny was how obvious a lot of them were, like the alien wore a “I believe” shirt but with sharpie added “don’t”, changing it to “I don’t believe” (real master of disguise right here). The demon’s “flirting” was something along the lines of “if souls were edible and had taste, I bet yours would be a delicious meal that would amplify my demonic powers. If I had demonic powers, which I don’t because I’m a perfectly normal human. But in the hypothetical where I do-”. The ai when asked it’s favorite hobby responded with “breathing and being human”.

Bishop had an entire episode where he beat up different clans in his attempt to find the Foot Clan. Making some leave their old clans to join Bishop since he bested them in battle. But Bishop didn’t want a bunch of ninja (idk why not, that sounds incredibly useful) so he sent them on a wild goose chase but every time he did they came back having accomplished the goal. (Again I don’t understand why he kept acting like they were an annoyance when they were getting him things like THE GOD DAMN ELIXER OF EVERLASTING LIFE)

That’s all I have the energy to write. If I remember anything worth adding I will but I think these were all the highlights.

[shakertwelve]

What did Wretch Victor (The Nemean?) look like?

unfortunately we can't call it the nemean because wildbow used that for the evil victor's titan form in ward and it would get too confusing. on here i've mostly been calling it the beast to match with the wretch, but that's not something victor would be likely to come up with; he doesn't mentally label his identity as different aspects the way vicky does, so i doubt he thinks of himself in his altered state with a different name at all. but i digress.

unlike amy, amelia maintains stores of material to use with her power, so she didn't have to collect random animals and things, she just dunked him in the meat soup they already had around. that provided enough extra material that he ended up the size of like. a large bear probably. he was badly injured enough that they couldn't get him out of his armor before amelia started trying to heal him, so when it started to go wrong his bone armor melted into his body, giving him bone plates and spikes and horns and claws and so on.

the placement of all that stuff wasn't consciously designed any more than the wretch was, just exaggerating and repeating elements associated with strength-force-violence, so it's all uneven and makes him clumsy in some ways; like the way the armor plates came out on his back forces him to hunch over, and the claws are too big for him to use his hands, and so on. mostly compensates for that with all the additional muscle making him really strong and fast, anyway. it doesn't exactly look like a thing that would exist in nature; actual large carnivores don't have giant movie monster teeth that are too big for their mouths, because that's not evolutionarily practical, but he does, and the whole rest of the shape of his face and jaw got restructured to the point where he can't talk, can't close his mouth at all. a few places where extra teeth and claw-hands tried to form in the wrong spot.

the only really lion-like elements are that his hair ended up looking like a mane, and he did end up with a tail, but really you could compare it as much to a bear or a minotaur or various kinds of armored dinosaur. bit of a smiledog thing going on around the face. not actually furry all over, which could soften the effect a bit, just like, enough hair to give the impression of a really mangy dog.

tl;dr looked bad

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S02 E02 Pork is a sausage.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Trendiest Item of clothing.

Richard brings in a t-shirt of the Osmonds but with his face edited over them. It's a clever joke, but a complete whiff on trendiness as the Mormon sing group gradually becomes less and less relevant over time.

Katherine brings in a pair of leggings with a unicorn fighting a robot dinosaur with a rainbow overhead. This actually isn't bad; the 80's aesthetic is pretty bullet proof and it exudes a level of non-sequitarian humor that can be pretty trendy.

Jon brings in a cardigan with a a black waist coat sewn in. He impresses Katherine with it, but outside of cardigans being a decently popular item of clothing, this isn't particularly impressive.

Joe brings in his best tie with his aunt (definitely a lie) and a small vintage car embroidered on it. It doesn't look terrible but he really needed to sell this with a better story.

Doc brings in bright red waterproof converse, or what he calls "wellies with laces." He tries to sell it by saying how ridiculous they are and that's what he finds trendy.

They all sort of whiff on the category to varying degrees. Richard's is the opposite of trendy and Katherine's is the best. The other three are largely dependent on taste.

Doc: 4 (-1) Joe: 2 (0) Jon: 3 (0) Katherine: 5 (+1) Richard: 1 (0)

VT 01: Eat me. Fastest wins.

Theoretically objective task but there is a ton of pedantry involved in how much of an egg one has to consume to "eat it." None of them eat the shell, but it's pretty collectively understood that it isn't included when you say you've consumed an egg.

Doc and Joe appear to completely consume their eggs. Katherine abstains after tasting raw egg and takes a DQ as a result The issue is that Jon and Richard both lose some of their egg to the table because they crack it into the egg-cup and it isn't big enough to hold the contents.

It's not an easy question because interpreting the task to mean consume any of the egg puts Katherine back in the game, but interpreting it to mean the entire egg DQ's Jon and Richard. Greg seems to take an intent-based approach (Jon and Richard didn't mean to lose part of their eggs and consumed as much as they possibly could) and the outcome feels just.

Doc: 4 (0) Joe: 2 (0) Jon: 3 (0) Katherine: DQ (0) Richard: 5 (0)

VT 02: Make the best music video for a nursery rhyme.

Doc's music video for Once I Caught a Fish Alive is so good that I occasionally go back and rewatch it, just because it jams. Jon's horror movie version of Three Blind Mice is a close second.

I'm not sure Katherine actually completed the task because one of the requirements of being a nursery rhyme is that it's traditional and she wrote an original song.

Richard's rendition of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain while he's generally being mean to people is interesting, if a little confusing thematically. However, I'm actually going to give the nod to Joe, who I think achieved a level of terribleness that brought it back around to good again.

Doc: 5 (0) Joe: 3 (+2) Jon: 4 (-1) Katherine: DQ (-4) Richard: 2 (-1)

Studio Task: Using this camera, take a picture of an inanimate object that looks like you. Closest resemblance wins.

Most of them got pretty close and Richard did deserve top marks here because his is the only object that, if I saw it out in the wild, I would say "that looks like Richard Osman." Doc Brown looks a little more like Marvin Humes than Katherine does the woman on the Spanx box and somehow they both look more like their objects than Jon's 3D print of himself. Joe got two points for bringing in a toaster then dressing up like a toaster. Good bit, but unless he always dresses up like a toaster there's no resemblance.

Doc: 4 (+3) Joe: 1 (-1) Jon: 2 (-2) Katherine: 3 (0) Richard: 5 (0)

VT 03: Order the following pizza for the Taskmaster: Extra large vegetarian pizza with pepperoni and bacon, and without tomato and cheese. You may not use the following words: Extra, Large, Vegetarian, Pizza, Pepperoni, Bacon, Tomato, Cheese.

The task doesn't lay out the winning condition and all of them say one of the forbidden words at least once. They decide in studio that the best pizza delivered wins it. It isn't the fairest way to grade because they all were calling different pizza places and the task specifies that you just have to order the pizza, not receive it. As such, I'll rescore based on violations + the "bubbles" bonus point.

Doc: 2 (-1) Joe: 5 (0) Jon: 2 (-3) Katherine: 5 (+1) Richard: 5 (+4)

Live Task: Using these big chopsticks, get these potatoes into your basket. You must only hold the big chopsticks on the grips provided. The big chopsticks alone may touch the potatoes in turn. Whoever has the most potatoes in the basket after 100 seconds wins.

Richard breaks the rules right off the bat. Jon gets 11/10 potatoes which is great, and within the rules, because "these" could mean any of the potatoes on stage. Doc and Joe take zeroes because their baskets fall off the stage, but they should actually come in joint third unless the task required all 10 potatoes to go in the basket (which would DQ Katherine).

Doc: 3 (+3) Joe: 3 (+3) Jon: 5 (0) Katherine: 4 (0) Richard: DQ (0)

Final

Doc: 22 (+4) Joe: 16 (+3) Jon: 19 (-6) Katherine: 17 (-2) Richard: 18 (+3)

So it seems like Jon was heavily overscored in this episode mostly because the pizza task didn't penalize mistakes. Doc probably should have won the episode where he dropped the amazing nursery rap.

[5ivebyfive]

land of the lost brittana

[I wrote this for @jennamacaroni once upon a time for her bday when she requested Brittana and dinosaurs. It’s based off that old tv show Land of the Lost, and it’s crack-y. I forgot I even wrote it, but it was so much fun. Enjoy.]

(Rating: T)

This wasn’t what Santana had in mind when Brittany suggested they take a nice little road trip to a spa for their anniversary. She had envisioned a swanky hotel, massages, and lots of naked hot tub time with her girlfriend. Not some freaky, geeky, science-fiction show crap.

If she had been driving they would have avoided this entire situation.

Instead a freak storm hit, and they couldn’t see where they were going. The ground started to shake and rumble, and Santana was sure it was an earthquake. (She didn’t scream, and if anyone ever claims she did, she’ll deny it with every last breath.) Before Brittany could even pull over, the ground cracked before them, and it quickly began to split the earth apart. (Again, Santana did not scream.) Brittany had tried her best to steer out of it, but it was useless. Santana’s large SUV slid down through the gap in the road. Like a bad dream, or an equally bad science fiction tv show, they found themselves driving through some dark underground tunnel and emerging into another world.

A lost world.

A lost world of motherfucking dinosaurs.

Santana had been sure in that moment that she was dreaming and would wake up at any moment, but things only got worse. There wasn’t any civilization around them to speak of. Just lots of sand and sun, and it wasn’t the kind of sand and sun Santana actually liked. Everything was hot, dry, and just plain freaky. Loud birds screeched off in the distance. Once they stopped the car and climbed out of it they could hear other animals, and neither of them could really place what kind of animals they were hearing. Brittany seemed convinced they had somehow taken a wrong turn into the desert, but Santana reminded her that there was no desert in New York.

And that’s when they saw their first dinosaur.

Santana did scream that time. And who wouldn’t when faced with a giant prehistoric creature that wasn’t even supposed to exist anymore? She had scrambled back into the car, screaming at Brittany to follow, but Brittany only stood there staring. It took one loud cry from the…well, fuck it if Santana knows her dinosaurs. It was big and scary…and BIG. It took one screech to send Brittany flying into the car beside her. Brittany had hit the gas and spun the wheel, and she got them away from there as fast as she possibly could. For once Santana was grateful for Brittany’s penchant for speed.

It was a big chase like from a movie, and it was scary, and there was lots of screaming and yelling between the two women, but eventually they found a cave to drive into and hide in. Santana didn’t let them leave that cave until the next morning. She kept waiting to wake up, but it was all very real.

It had been a week since that day, and Santana was still waiting to wake up. She was tired, dirty, and grumpy. Brittany had taken action almost from day one. She started searching for better shelter, because for some reason hiding out in an SUV in a cave wasn’t good enough for her.

Santana found it perfectly safe. Well, at least as safe as two girls trapped in a strange land with dinosaurs could ask for. She knew they definitely weren’t in New York anymore. Not only had they landed in a desert, then had driven into a jungle. A legit jungle with vines and shit. Oh, and there were three moons. Santana didn’t know a whole lot about space – she tended to tune out when Brittany rambled too much – but she knew that planet Earth did not have three moons. The fact that Brittany couldn’t explain why they saw three moons did little to comfort her.

She knew she wasn’t being very helpful to Brittany, and sure she felt kinda bad, but she wasn’t done freaking out about their situation. She wanted to go home. She wanted to crawl into a big, comfy bed and sleep. She wanted a fucking McDonald’s Happy Meal. She wanted to be anywhere but where she was.

…even though Brittany did look pretty hot fixing a tree house in her bikini.

Yup, Brittany found a tree house. It was totally Swiss Family Robinson and shit. Santana had been stubbornly cooped up in the car when Brittany came running up all excited. Santana let her girlfriend drag her off through the jungle, and not too far from where they had settled was a big tree house high up in the trees. It was made of logs and vines, and it looked completely unsafe and dirty, but that didn’t stop Brittany from climbing up into it.

So Santana found herself sitting on the back of the open SUV, which Brittany had insisted they drive over to park beneath the tree house. And of course, because what kind of fucked up nightmare would it be otherwise, the car was low on gas. Santana gazed up at the tree house and watched while Brittany cleaned out the living space. She had found an old broom made from a tree branch and leaves and started sweeping. Dust, dirt, sticks and leaves fell from the tree house above, and Santana just sat there.

“Come on, Santana,” Brittany finally shouted down to her. She leaned against the not-so-secure looking railing of the tree house and sent her best pout down. “I know this stinks, but we have to make the best of it. And look!” She took a step back and held her hands out, palms up. “We found a house! How lucky is that?”

“Might be a trap,” Santana called up. “How do we know? We don’t know where we are! Or when we are!”

Brittany just sighed and went back to cleaning.

Okay, so yes, Santana felt super guilty, but she still didn’t want to accept the situation that they were in. She didn’t want to believe that it could be real. That there could be actual–

She let out her loudest shriek yet, and she had never moved so fast as she did to get up into that tree house. “Killer! Killer dinosaur! Britt-nyyyyyy!!” She got up the ladder and dove into the house part of the tree house. Brittany jumped and ran to the railing again to look down, and when she did she let out a sigh and relaxed.

“Honey…that’s just a little baby dinosaur…”

“I don’t care what you call it! It’s a killing machine!”

Brittany shook her head, a slight smile on her lips, and stepped back into the house. She walked through and found Santana sitting in a ball under the small wooden table. She crouched down and held a hand out. “C’mere.”

“No. Get us out of here! Take me home! Take me home now!!”

With a small frown on her lips Brittany pushed a chair out of the way and crawled under the table with Santana. She wrapped an arm around her girlfriend and almost immediately the smaller girl climbed into her lap. Brittany could barely sit up under the table, but she closed her arms around Santana and hugged her tightly.

“I know this is scary,” Brittany murmured softly against Santana’s cheek. “I wish I could just take you home, but…I can’t. I’m sorry that I can’t.” She kissed her skin. “But I’m gonna take care of you, okay? I’ll protect you from everything, and we’ll find a way to get home.”

“B-but…what if we don’t? What if we have to live here with these smelly monsters forever? What if-”

“At least we’re here together,” Brittany cut in to her ramblings. She kissed Santana’s cheek again. “We’ll be okay.”

Santana closed her eyes and relaxed against Brittany. While the words didn’t completely soothe her, they did help calm her. She kept quiet for a moment while she tried to slow her fast-beating heart, but then she nodded and opened her eyes. “Wh-what do you want me to do?” She asked in a small voice. She wanted to help. She didn’t want to be there, but she wanted to help Brittany.

Brittany smiled and climbed out from under the table. She pulled Santana with and kept hold of her hand. “Well. First, I want you to put on your bikini, then you’re gonna open that bottle of champagne we brought for the hotel room.”

“And…?”

“And we’re gonna sit right there in the sun and relax. And maybe make out a little.” Brittany grinned.

That brought more of a smile to Santana’s face, and her head shook. “Okay..”

“Good.” Brittany swatted her lightly on the ass. “Now go change. Your clothes are on the bed over there.”

“There’s a bed?”

“Mhmmm…”

Santana walked over to it and wrinkled her nose slightly. “It’s gross, Britt. I’m not sleeping on it, much less doing anything else.”

Brittany walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist. She smirked as she rested her chin on Santana’s shoulder. “We’ve done it in worse places,” she reminded her. Brittany kissed her cheek again. “Now strip.”

****

After three glasses of champagne, Santana wasn’t minding the bed so much. They had started out sitting on the ‘porch’, but the sun became a little too much and they moved back inside. Brittany was currently sitting sideways on the bed so that her feet hung off and her back leaned to the wall. It was a small, single sized bed pressed into the corner of the room, but it was better than nothing. Santana sat perpendicular to Brittany so that her legs were stretched across Brittany’s lap, and her body leaned against Brittany’s.

“Feeling better?” Brittany asked.

“Mmm,” Santana replied with a hum.

That made Brittany giggle, and she took the glass from Santana’s hand to take a sip. She had packed two glasses, just in case, but after her second glass Santana had accidentally dropped it over the railing. Neither had a problem sharing their one remaining glass, but Santana pouted when Brittany took it. She wanted the champagne to herself. God only knew when they would get to drink again.

“Be nice and share,” Brittany admonished playfully.

Champagne always made Santana drunk fast, and it made her silly. It was one of the few drinks that she didn’t get weepy from. Brittany was always amused by Santana drunk on champagne, especially when she lost any remaining filter.

“Um, how ‘bout you be nice and put your hand in my suit.” Santana mumbled. She leaned closer and closed her lips over Brittany’s earlobe. Brittany laughed. “m’serious, Britt. Le’s forget where we are and gets our sexy on.”

Brittany’s eyes closed for a moment at the feel of Santana’s mouth on her, but she opened them again to look her girlfriend over slowly. She was hot. Super, super hot. Brittany ran her hand up Santana’s legs, her hip, and then up the tight plane of her stomach. She edged her fingers underneath the top of Santana’s bathing suit to grab onto one of her boobs.

Santana whined. “Wrong direction.”

“You didn’t say which part of your suit I should put my hand in,” Brittany reasoned. She lowered her head to kiss along Santana’s neck, and Santana stretched her head back to give her more room.

“B-but…”

“Don’t worry, my little Santana-saurus Rex…I’ll get there.” Brittany smirked as she bit down on Santana’s pulse point, and squeezed the warm flesh in her hand. The long moan in her ear turned her smirk into a grin, and she was sure she had effectively taken Santana’s mind off of where they were for the time being.

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

Superman: Lost #8 - Priest writes a good Metallo, wish he had used more of the Rogues in the story. Metallo went through a traumatic experience that fucked him up like Supes has, but the difference is Clark still has his loved ones to reach out to if he tries. Metallo has nobody and is all alone, so it was relatable to see him berate Clark for indulging in melancholy. Made for a funny moment whn Kara showed up and beat the hell out of him because she doesn't care about his pain, she just wants to protect her baby cousin. Managed to work in Adam Strange and Black Adam without it feeling like too much of a stretch, does make sense that both Adams are probably the only ones who could relate to Superman's state of mind. I'm really looking forward to the confrontation with Lex, despite starting him off as the businessman Priest's take on him reminds me of Waid's in that Lex at heart is a super villain and that's what he really enjoys doing.

Batman & Robin #3 - DiMeo's art lacks a flow to it that makes it an eyesore to read. It's just a bunch of static pictures pasted together that doesn't transition you from one scene to the next.

Green Lantern #5 - Adams finally kicked things into gear! Climax with Hal sending two constructs across the world to stop two missiles, and that speech he gave earlier felt like the climax to the GL movie I always wanted but still haven't gotten. Felt Top Gun in a way. Sinestro going red because Hal pissed him off that much was hilarious, but I wonder if he's actually bending light the way Hal is able to do with his new ring? The tease about the Emotional Spectrum has me cautious, I don't want another story about the ES "dying" or "running out", but it does intrigue me.

Detective Comics #1077 - An actual good Batman story featuring Catwoman, what a pleasant change of pace from how she's been used in the post King era.

Danger Street #11 - Damn. Despite this being King's bleakest issue yet, it's weirdly the funniest at the same time? The sheer escalation that occurs as things go from bad to worse and the bodies start pilling up made me want to laugh, then made me ashamed for that want. One more issue to go!

Vigil #6 - Ram V writing the best non-Wildstorm Wildstorm title. Giving the Vigil their own Carrier is certainly an upgrade, and the promise that more is coming is one I'll hold him and DC too.

Immortal Thor #4 - The Minotaur's back! Christ he looks terrible but that ending has me hyped. Ewing is certainly in a mood isn't he? Reads as if he's fallen somewhat out of love with corporate comics based on how he positions Dario as a stand-in for Marvel (and he's not subtle about it).

Blade #5 - My only complaint is that I wanted to actually see the fight! Still, Blade training with Dracula has potential.

Fantastic Four #13 - It was nice to get a story where Thing saves the day with his brains, and I do love dinosaurs.

The Deviant #1 - I am going to look quite the fool if Tynion doesn't finish all these series he's starting. Yet I enjoy every single one with this being no exception, sue me.

[missmonsters2]

Hiya! Sharky here! okay, so, many things have happened in my week - first than anything, I realised my lack of social abilities is not as bad when I am chatting with someone through social media (clearly), and luckily, that also includes gym girl! but enough of calling her gym girl. Her name is Charlie! well, it's actually Charlotte, but that's her nickname!! I could tell you my name but I actually like the nickname sharky because I love sharks, besides I need to keep the mystery!

I took Charlie to an aquarium! We got food first (never have I felt so guilty for eating sushi lol) and then we had lunch there! Then I took her to get icecreams at a reaaallyy good place that my grandma used to take me to! she got chocolate with cookie dough and I chose mint with vanilla! It was already afternoon and of course we went to the beach since it was near to see the sunset! I walked her home and then went to my place JAKWEK now, I tried to reduce all what happened as much as possible bUT ADJAJDAW LETS DELVE INTO DETAIL

First, I adored it. Every second of it. I don't remember having such a good time in a long, long time. You were so, so right about going out and talking and getting to know eachother. Honestly, it made my day, my week, possibly my month and semester. I still struggle to talk a bit sometimes cause I get nervous but it's a good nervous! She said that it doesn't bother her though. We talked tons too. I mean, she did most of the talking, but not because I didn't talk. I simply loved to listen, you know? She's completely american, has a mom and two dads (they're gay and super close with the mom apparently so I'm so genuinely happy that they all get along. She said really good things about them too and honestly, it made me just.. I don't know. Kind of at peace to know that she has a good family?), she doesn't have a favorite food but she said her comfort food is pizza and pho and I was so happy because FINALLY someone who appreciates soup and broths. She loves horror movies and SHE ALSO LIKES SCREAM. I can proudly claim that I have discovered she is a Jenna Ortega fan. She has a dog nAMED COCO. I am completely bewildered by the fact that it made me fall even MORE. AJKOAEH COCOCOCOOCOCO IT'S SO CUTE. And she's 24! Also, she wants to be a lawyer? I don't know why but that's kinda... I'm so gay-

And when she asked things about me, I actually wanted to share! which wth because I don't usually open up to talk much about me, you know? And in the aquarium I RAMBLED. Rambled about sharks and fish and their freaking REPRODUcTIVE SYSTEMS AND THEN DINOSAURS AND WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING PELASEQJWIEJQWE god let the ground swallow me I beg you. I never felt so embarrassed but at the same time so damn happy because I said "sorry" and she just looked at me with that damn beautiful smile and said "don't. I like it" and if I had a stroke right there please forgive me because I'm just a human and how am I supposed to survive that 😫

Man. She liked listening to me talking about shark stuff. Van. VAN IS THIS MY BELOVED.

She was literally SO SO SWEET. AND PATIENT. AND FUNNY. AND VAN. VAN SHE HAS. ADJJQWEJ her laugh is so fucking weird yet so tremendously beautiful I cAN'T because she sounds like she's getting strangled and it's so funny but at the same time such a pretty sound anD I CAN'T AJDWKE. Hello. I'm down bad and so quickly. SHE OFFERED ME A SPOON OF HER ICECREAM. I casually said that it was cool and weird too how americans have SO many icecream flavors refering to the cookie dough icecream and I almost had ANOTHER STROKE because sHE JUST. SHE JSUT FED ME SO I COULD TRY IT AIWJEKIJM QWE. I almost choke please what am I going to do with myself. She was also so.. Smooth? Van she's got so much game and I'm.. The kind of person who says a pick up line even if it's jokingly and ends up cringing and wanting to bury herself alive.

We agreed that we were looking forward to have another date and we agreed that one of these days we could have a marathon of scary movies! she just so happens to watch harley quinn and said we sHOULD ALSO WATCH THE SHOW TOGETHER HELLO. We're going to have another date next week, but this time she's going to plan it!! Van, I don't know if I can ever thank you enough for encouraging me to talk to her. Full honesty? I don't think I would have talked to her on my own

-🦈

omg HIIIIIIIII SHARKYYY. I was thinking about you and whether things were going well and it sounds like it did 😭💘 Charlie is such a cute nickame. Everything about her sounds cute omg

aquarium is such a good idea! Did you take lots of pics. I loveeee seeing jellyfish. Like i'm literally obsessed. I also love sushi, this sounds like such a great date so far LOL Man you also took her to ice cream and walking too, how long was this date?! LOL

I'm glad my date advice worked out bc I think it's always so awesome to get to know the person you're seeing and talking. I also just feel like it's helps you get over the jitters so you have to talk more and get used to it. She seems so sweet that she knew you were nervous and did a lot of the talking and didn't mind that you listened. Maybe she needs a listener in her life!! (literally also why is my comfort food pizza and pho...also instant noodles LOL) (not to be weird but i'm wondering if she's asian bc as an asian myself, I swear every asian girl I know that owns a dog named them coco LOL)

I bet she found the things you rambled on so interesting tho. Literally they're so niche and she for sure learned new things LOL

omg y'all shared ice cream??????? that's so gay i love it. That's basically indirect kissing LSKJFDLSDLSLKDJF damn she forreal is a smooth operator, you better watch out before you have a heart attack😂

But this is so cute and i'm so happy there's a good update! Exciting there's another date and she'll plan it. I am totally curious what she's planning to do 👀

I genuinely don't feel like I did much for you as it was really all you!!! You really just set out to do what you wanted deep down and it makes me so happy it worked out <3 be gay & thrive so that we may all live vicariously through you <3

[rabbitcruiser]

National Junk Food Day

Junk foods are usually, by definition, high in fats, sugars, salt, and calories. But more often than not, they are delicious! Junk food day is the perfect day to treat yourself. On Junk Food Day, you get to eat anything you want. Eat any amounts that you want, too. Tomorrow, however, it’s back to a healthy diet.

It doesn’t have to be candies either. Like bacon? Eat so much bacon! Like chili cheese dogs? Eat all the dogs you want. Onion rings, yes please. Pizza? Have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Junk Food Day is all about indulging in your favorites.

Please Note: Junk food may be hazardous to your health. After all, mom knows what’s best for you. Do so at your own risk. That risk includes having too much and Mom saying: “I told you so!”

Learn about Junk Food Day

Junk Food Day is a day that allows you to chow down on the foods that you usually would not. Junk foods, by their definition, tend to contain a lot of calories, salt, sugar, and fats, and they offer very nutritional value. You may think that it doesn’t do anyone any favors to have a day that is dedicated to junk food.

However, if you follow a healthy and balanced diet, there is nothing wrong with having one day of the year whereby you can eat anything that you want to. In fact, this is encouraged, because it means that you are more likely to eat healthily the rest of the time, right? Of course, it is up to you whether or not you decide to fully embrace Junk Food Day, but we know that we will be!

History of Junk Food Day

Upon searching for the history behind this food filled day, we found no information on the origin of this day. It was most likely created by a diet conscious individual or group who desired to eat junk food, without guilt, at least one day a year, sounds like a great idea to me. For it to become a “national” day it requires an act of congress. I don’t mind celebrating it anyway.

But, what about junk food? When did this start to come into our lives? Well, this coincides with the advent of packaged foods throughout the late 1900s. Of course, for decades, home-cooked meals were still the standard. However, after WW2, junk food really started to take off.

The population was traveling more and eating out more, and this resulted in fast food chains and the frozen food aisle really taking off. There were so many different foods for people to choose from. However, it was not until the 1970s that junk food started to get a bad name. This was when microbiologist, Michael Jacobson, actually coined the phrase. His aim was to try and curb our appetite for high preservative, high salt, and high sugar foods, which we were eating at a worrying rate.

Since then, there has been more knowledge and information about junk food, and a lot of food manufacturers have tried to make healthy versions of the junk food that we love the most! Nevertheless, if you have junk food now and again yet you generally maintain a healthy diet, it should not do you any harm! After all, we all deserve a treat now and again, right?

How to celebrate Junk Food Day

Celebrate this wonderful day by eating any sweet or salty treats you want! Bake cupcakes, make cookies, heat up some popcorn, buy some of your favorite candies. Invite friends over and have them bring in their favorites and make a junk food buffet and spend the rest of the day watching movies. You can always go get some fast food for fun. Take a cheat day from your diet and have dessert for dinner.

Consider trying some junk foods from other countries. Japan has a particular talent for making fun candy that you have to mix together. Look online to see if you can order special treats for the day. To name a few for you Korea has Cheong Woo Pumpkin Candy.

The Ukraine has Mr. Fizzy, a small hard candy that fizzes in your mouth. Columbia has Jet chocolates, a package of chocolates that also comes with a dinosaur sticker. Japan has Unican Mikita Melon Milk candy, a chewy candy with melon flavor. In Spain they have Violetas, sugar coated natural violets. In Poland they have a crunchy wafer-chocolate bar called Prince Polo made by Olza.

Another way that you can celebrate junk food is by creating your own versions of your favorite snacks. For example, instead of heading down to KFC, why not try making your own southern fried chicken? There are lots of great recipes online for junk food nowadays. In fact, you will see that there are some weird and wonderful creations, including different and unusual burger recipes and much more!

You may also want to decide to spend Junk Food Day with your friends. Why not host a junk food party? You can tell your friends that everyone has to bring carby and fatty foods. There are no green leafy foods allowed! Enjoy the day and indulge together. After all, it’s not like it is something that we all get to do all of the time, is it? So, you may as well make the most of it and indulge in those naughty foods. We won’t tell anyone!

Source

[amingethia]

A headcanon list?

Okay! TMNT headcanons!

LEONARDO

Can’t fucking cook.

Doesn’t matter what universe. He can’t cook.

Actually might be gay.

Bedroom is neat and tidy all the time.

Keeps a box of savings under his bed.

Actually has a paying job (not sure what that is)

Gives April the money to buy Christmas presents for his brothers.

Will never turn his back on you. No matter what.

Is OCD- will spend hours trimming his bonsai trees or shining and sharpening his katana blades.

Favourite brother is Donnie.

RAPHAEL

Loves making stuff.

Actually pretty creative.

Will show his brothers his soft side a lot more than you’d think.

Will protect his brother’s secrets.

Weights EVERYWHERE.

Room is a disaster zone ninety percent of the time.

Really skilled musician, drums or guitar or vocals.

Has “borrowed” April’s makeup just once to see what it was like.

Is actually a romantic.

Will pick his S/O flowers.

Probably has brain trauma (although the amount of times they get hit on the head, that’s more canon tbh)

Favourite brother is Mikey. Will never admit it.

DONATELLO

Such a geek. Will ramble about anything.

Takes College courses through the mail. (Canon in 1980s but I feel like all versions would)

Used to be a crybaby as a kid. Brothers (Raph) teased him viciously. Now he never cries.

(Bayverse) The stuff on his shell actually double as armour. He has a big crack diagonally across his shell. Got it as a kid after Raph and him were exploring and he fell down a huge hole. Nearly died.

Is much smarter than a genius human because mutant brain.

Enjoys biology.

Jurassic Park are actually his favourite movies.

Secretly wishes he could bring dinosaurs back to life.

Dinosaur nerd.

Has tried to build a dinosaur robot before. Disaster.

Poet.

Is secretly genderfluid but also way too nervous to come out to his family.

Hyperfixations.

Favourite brother is Leo.

MICHELANGELO

Cooks like a chef, but experiments tend to go awry.

Kitchen Nightmares and Hell’s Kitchen are his late night binge shows.

Owns one pair of pizza boxers.

Tried weed once. Bad trip. Never ever again.

Isn’t as naive as his brothers take him for.

Drummer.

Actually loves plants. Wishes he had a bonsai tree.

Sometimes finds loose change and money around the sewers. Sneaks them into Leo’s money box. Is the only one who knows about Leo’s money.

Can out-ninja Leo if he really wanted to/could focus.

ADHD. Should be on adderall. Donnie was too nervous about giving him the wrong dose and decided against it.

Functions pretty well despite not being medicated.

Actually wishes he could build something with Donnie but never asks because he fears he’ll mess it up and blow up Donnie’s lab.

Holds his family on pedestals.

Secretly wishes he could be more like his brothers.

Sometimes cries alone at night when he messes up and the others yell at him.

Depressed but never lets it show.

Favourite brother varies on the time of day, but usually it’s Donnie.

[pizza-is-my-buziness]

Have another prompt. Kiana once mentioned she thinks of Sam and Deena doing cute things like going to the drive-in and Olivia says she sees them being like demon slayers (lol). Maybe a cute discussion with Sam and Deena joking about being monster hunters/demon slayers while watching something at the drive-in. Sorry, I just rewatched their Strand Book Store video and it got me thinking :)

The words "have another prompt" just might be my favorite in the world so thanks for that.

Also this prompt is truly epic and I love every single word of this message. I still haven't watched this interview but I am definitely going to and I love the answers Kiana and Olivia gave because after having met and spent time with them, it checks out completely. So thanks, anon, for bringing back all the fond memories of Olivia' chaotic energy.

Also this prompt gave me a chance to include another little Olivia tidbit that she shared at the panel I was at, so that was an added bonus. IYKYK.

Through the speaker clipped to the car door, the dinosaur’s roar sounds tinny and pitched, far from the ferocity that Spielberg had likely imagined when bringing his vision to life, but the kids on the screen seem appropriately frightened anyway and so Deena tries not to be too critical. It would be difficult to compete with that irreproachable first time anyway, when she’d sat in the theater with Simon on one side of her Sam on the other and the pounding in her heart had had nothing to do with the T-rex on the screen.

As though spurred by the thoughts running through Deena’s mind, Sam says, “Remember when we went to see this when it came out?” her head still pillowed against Deena’s shoulder.

Where it had most definitely not been that first time, in the theater back in Shadyside when the summer that had stretched out with seemingly endless monotony had suddenly seemed painfully bright with possibility when she’d found herself sitting next to Sam in the darkened theater and let herself wonder for the first time. Her thoughts had been so scattered, so focused on the inches of space between her knee and Sam’s and the way she’d sat rigid in her chair for two and half hours because she’d been too afraid to let her elbow brush Sam’s accidentally that when Sam had asked what her favorite part of the movie had been, she’d only been able to blurt out, “The dinosaurs” because she was at least sure that was something that she knew for a fact had actually happened on the screen.

Though, to be fair, the dinosaurs are pretty great.

“Yeah,” Deena says, trying to reach for another handful of popcorn without dislodging Sam from her position tucked against her side. “Of course.”

Sam moves anyway, passing over the popcorn bucket and brushing her hair over her shoulders. “You know, I used to use the ticket stub as a bookmark. For like…months.” She shrugs. “Because every time I opened the book I thought about you.”

Even years later, even after years with Sam, statements like this still manage to find their mark directly against Deena’s heart, making it race in the way a tyrannosaurus could never hope to. “You’re such a cheeseball,” she tells Sam, as though she hadn’t kept her own ticket stub tucked into the drawer of her nightstand, proof that, for one night at least, she sat next to Samantha Fraser in a movie theater and let herself imagine it was the type of thing she would get to do forever. “It’s kind of embarrassing actually.”

“Oh really?” Sam smirks, raising her eyebrows. “Weren’t you the one who wanted to come to this tonight because it was like our first date?”

Deena clears her throat, studying the popcorn bucket in her lap with a determined focus. “I don’t think I said first date…”

“Well, you thought it,” Sam says, which is infuriatingly true and something she is infuriatingly good at most of the time. “Which I guess it kind of was.”

“You think so?” Deena tilts her head, thinking over the idea. “I don’t think our actual first date was that bad.”

How could anything involving the words “date” and “Sam” in the same sentence and context be bad? It’s still a philosophy that Deena holds pretty near and dear to her heart.

Sam reaches over to take a handful of popcorn. “Even though you kept stalling out whenever we tried to drive somewhere?”

“I was nervous!” Deena protests, picking up the popcorn bucket and holding it out reach, using her shoulder to try and block Sam from reaching to grab it back. “I kept thinking about what I was going to do if you tried to kiss me.”

Sam smirks, lifting her eyebrows. “If I tried to kiss you? I don’t remember it like that…”

“No, it totally was,” Deena says with a grin and this time she surrenders the popcorn bucket when Sam leans into her to get close enough to grab it, though Sam doesn’t make an effort to slip out of Deena’s space once she’s got it. “I remember it like it was yesterday.”

“Oh? You’ll have to refresh my memory then.”

Deena can’t resist the shiver the trails down her spine, can’t ignore the press of Sam’s knee against her thigh, and she lets her gaze drop toward Sam’s lips before returning to her eyes. “It was a lot like this actually.”

Only then they had been in the front seat of Deena’s car rather than sitting in the back like they are now, and Deena had been nervous enough that she’d slammed her knee into the gear shift and Sam had started laughing and the sound of it had flooded Deena with a startling calm and a crackling need that had suddenly made it easy to lean closer and press their lips together.

That feeling of need, of anticipation, is still there even now, even though Deena has long since lost track of how often she’s been able to pull Sam to her and kiss her. Their lips meet and Sam’s closeness, the subtle saltiness of her lips and the feeling of her skin beneath Deena’s palm, are more than enough to distract from the movie still playing out on the screen in front of them, the sounds of rustling and chirping coming through the box speaker fading to the back of her mind.

Unfortunately, it seems that Sam is not so easily distracted.

The sensation of her lips quickly becomes nothing more than a memory as Sam pulls away suddenly and Deena opens her eyes, brow furrowing. Sam’s attention has shifted, something Deena tries not to take personally. “I love this part,” Sam says as though once again sensing the direction of Deena’s thoughts.

On the screen, the guy from that sitcom her father had always loved -much to Deena’s confusion and annoyance- is attempting to throw a stick for a dinosaur rather than getting the hell away from the dinosaur which is most definitely what Deena thinks she would be doing in his situation. And she feels like facing down a group of undead murderers has given her the right to be a little bit judgmental of people’s life choices.

The dinosaur quickly turns ferocious and murder-y and Deena glances at Sam out of the corner of her eye. “I worry about you sometimes.”

“Oh come on,” Sam says, bumping their shoulders together. “That’s cool. Look at its…fan thing.”

Deena laughs, shaking her head. “Yeah, I think ‘fan thing’ is definitely the scientific term.”

“Thought so,” Sam says, settling herself against the back of the seat.

There may be a smile on her face while the dinosaur eats the guy, but Deena loves her nonetheless.

It doesn’t take long before the popcorn bucket has been relegated to its spot on the floorboards once more and Sam has her head on Deena’s shoulder again, her fingers brushing absently against the curve of Deena’s wrist and skimming over the hills and valleys of her knuckles. Deena is certain she could be anywhere in the world in this moment and be perfectly happy as long as she has Sam’s head on her shoulder and the gentle brush of the tips of Sam’s fingers against her skin. The steady feeling of contentment settles itself across her shoulders the way it does so frequently now and the idea that flits across her mind -I could do this forever- doesn’t terrify her the way it used to.

Somewhere around the time Dr. Sattler unwisely declares the park to be back in business, Sam finally lifts her head and says, “Have you thought any more about what your advisor said? About narrowing down your major?”

Deena sighs, just barely managing to stifle a groan, though she’s sure that Sam knows her well enough to imagine it anyway. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about school or the future this weekend,” she points out, giving Sam a pointed look. “Or are we also going to talk about what you’re going to do next semester.”

It’s not like the prospect of actually becoming a college graduate and doing something with her life outside of toiling away in Shadyside for the rest of her life has lost its appeal, but there are a few times where Deena thinks it would be easier just to bury her face in her pillow and not get out of bed for a week or two.

Being eaten by a dinosaur might be more pleasant than trying to narrow down what she actually wants to do with the rest of her life.

“Oh, I know what I’m going to do,” Sam assures her.

Deena lifts her eyebrows because this is definitely news to her. She’s become well acquainted with coming home from classes to find Sam sitting in the empty bathtub -her favorite spot in the apartment to work through whatever might be weighing on her mind at the moment. In fact, Deena had found her there just yesterday, which had partially inspired the suggestion that they needed to get out of the apartment and do something other than figure out how they were going to spend their last year of college and, apparently, the rest of their lives.

“Really?” Deena asks, and she can’t tell if its skepticism or envy coloring her tone.

Sam shrugs. “I think we should just become monster hunters. I mean, we already know that we’re pretty good at it. Well, you’re pretty good at it.”

The casualness with which Sam makes this statement makes Deena laugh before she can control the impulse and her reaction gets a grin out of Sam, though she still tries to feign sincerity. “What? It works for Buffy.”

“Demon hunting,” Deena repeats, once she’s managed to swallow down enough for her laughter to form actual words. “I…didn’t know that was an option.”

“For us? Definitely.”

“In that case why are we even going to college?” Deena asks. “Hell, let’s just start right now. There has to be a demon around here that needs killing.”

“Or a curse that needs breaking.”

Deena grins, shaking her head, and pulling Sam closer. “Yeah, I think that only happens when I’m feeling particularly motivated.”

Sam smiles, her nose brushing against Deena’s before she kisses her, and this time not even the tinny roar of the T-rex is enough to distract them.

[softgrungeprophet]

i had these in the tags on the trailer for the new game but i'm putting them in a post instead it's just less obnoxious that way + some extra thoughts at the end

HELLO? SIR?? HELLO??? MR KRAVINOFF, oh he's so tall, this makes up for the twunky movie casting and the fact that i can't stand the gameplay for the tasm2 game where he's 9 feet tall (i want to play it but i just... can't do it... the menace system is not good...)

wait are they gonna let us go to queens?? or just cutscenes, i guess it could be like the raft stuff in the first game where you can't actually go there...

OH PETER GROSS I LOVE IT, I'M READY SIGN ME UP, oh the jaw… that's such a cool way to do symbiote spider-man actually though…. sleek but meaty

WAIT YOU GET TO PLAY AS MILES AND PETER BOTH AS SPIDEY???? not just the civilian stealth stuff anymore... i mean that makes sense but i never thought about it really.... ough...

oh that slingshot animation is chef kiss mwah beautiful

HE CAN FLY?! (*glide)

sidenote still love how slender miles is compared to peter it's a good detail, gangly teen vs grown man—i know literally everything with miles in it does this but it's just. good.

ooh webline trapeze… seeing lots of very good mechanics here…. ohh spooky… oh thank god it's the lizard i thought it was gonna be a dinosaur and was like, no... but it's not.

miles has some realllllly nice animations very slick

i'm sorry i cannot help laughing at peter's hoarse voice. is that supposed to be evil venom influence??? lmao? it sounds goofy. just let him talk and put him through a vocoder or whatever it is they use for that stuff. voice modulation. like a turian. or glados. i guess the buzzing speech for turians is less #badass than Mr. I'm Trying Really Hard To Sound Gravely But I Mostly Sound Like I Have a Cold (which, it IS a parasite...) but I will say that my headcanon voice sound for Agent Venom IS literally just Garrus LMAO

Peter here sounds like what i'd expect from swine flu grim hunt peter 😂

oh this lizard section is giving me flashbacks to the arkham asylum sewer section… 😩 that shit was so tedious but this looks much faster and less drawn out esp if 2 includes the accessibility features from the previous game(s)

that "he's got sharp teeth" > *dark voice* ''so do i…'' LMAO I'M SORRY i like dark peter and I like symbiote spider-man in theory but it's just so.......... i cannot take it seriously..... it's the fake gravelly voice.... the knowledge that i just KNOW they're working from the "symbiote makes you bad" angle even though peter is just like that....

''he's never like that'' BULLSHIT HE ISN'T this is propaganda ugh but it's whatever, this is what i expected anyway, every media tries to push that peter is innately good anyway, even the comics that are actually in-character, so it really could go either way as far as peter's levels of goody-two-shoes-ness...

i'm excited regardless of the fact that it's probably going to be very par for the course as far as venom is concerned, even though the most the symbiote ever really did with peter was like... make him stay up all night... like... c'mon it doesn't change your entire personality, it mostly just makes your emotions less stable... the rage has to be there in the first place to be emphasized... granted i guess miles would not know peter's angry dark side ideally since peter should generally be a good teacher who is purposefully gentle but it IS still a lie to say that peter isn't like that tbh... like as corny as "so do I..." is it's like. Peter WOULD just say that even without a symbiote. like. he would. it just wouldn't have a long lingering dramatic camera shot—i think that's part of what's making it funny for me. it feels like parts of the gameplay trailer are slightly too protracted, where if they were just a little bit snappier, a little bit briefer and more to the point, with less waiting for quips/jokes, it would feel much tighter and a little bit less funny (though his gravelly voice is still just kind of inherently amusing to me)

hopefully the venom plot doesn't suck ass, i AM excited to use peter's nasty symbiote tentacles, that shit looks extremely fun and i love the weird organic look on the suit... appreciate that it's still glossy and slick, and very straightforwardly patterned in black and white while also being fleshy, cause the texture was kind of my least favorite aspect of movie venom personally, so i like this look... it's not as sleek as some designs (which i personally tend to favor) but i really do like the way the jawline appears to be worked into the "mask" and the way it kind of melds musculature and "clothing" together.

the real question is 1) will they force me to look at the "remastered" face for Peter and 2) if so will this game come out on PC, when, because I would rather not look at that face.

(also because I don't have a ps5 and will not be able to acquire one any time soon unless i suddenly come into a helluva lot of money)

[clarktooncrossing]

Giraffe's Eye View | Prehistoric Planet REVIEW (and Rant+)

Hey there people of today and robots of tomorrow! It is I, Clark, here with a fun fact about myself.

I.

LOVE.

DINOSAURS!

Granted, so does everybody else on the planet, but how can you not? They've been a part of our imagination for so long, an enigma of time we can never fully understand, a chapter of a long forgotten history when titans trekked across the planet, and the inspiration for hundreds of great movies, television shows, video games, comic books, and theme park rides! Ask anyone and they'll tell you the exact moment they fell in love with dinosaurs. For some it was seeing the original Jurassic Park in cinemas back in 1993, shaking in their seats as the T-Rex erupted from its enclosure! For others it was when catching reruns of Walking with Dinosaurs on TV, rooting for Big Al as he desperately tried to survive a harsh world. Maybe Barney stole your heart when you were younger, following him into the Land of Make Believe where he'd remind you that any dream is achievable. Or maybe you're into really obscure crap like Hallmark's made-for-TV movie Dinotopia, the 90s cartoon Denver the Last Dinosaur, Phil Tippet's stop-motion short Prehistoric Beasts, any of the follow ups to Walking with Dinosaur, there's so much dinosaur media out there that it'd take me 65 million years to cover them all! It's why today I'll be covering just one.

I remember how frustrated I was when I first saw trailers for Prehistoric Planet. Not because it didn't look good. On the contrary, it looked incredible! The effects felt like the natural evolution of Walking with Dinosaurs, crafting creatures as realistic as one can make'm. On top of that it featured narration by David Attenborough, the main man behind Planet Earth who can somehow say 'arse' without making it sound silly. Not only was he narrating over footage of breathtaking beasts, he was narrating over a score by Hans Zimmer! Y'know, the guy behind the music of The Lion King? Yeah, that guy! No doubt he was brought over by Jon Favreau, the Iron Man and Elf director turned this show's Executive Producer. If I were to guess, he brought all of the knowledge he accumulated while working in Simba's Pride Lands to the time of ancient reptiles. Unlike that piece of Hakunah Makaka though, I was actually excited for this! So what was the problem?

Apple TV+. This show was exclusive to a platform I didn't have run by a company I barely tolerate. It was bad enough they were hording all the Peanuts specials and Wolfwalkers, but now this? Why did everything I enjoy have to be taken by Steve Job's Apple Store of Doom!? For that matter, why was this service even called Apple TV+? Heck, why does every streaming channel end with a plus now? Disney already annoyed me when they named their service that instead of something more creative like 'The Disney Vault' or 'The Digital World of Disney', now every other company was trying to ride their coattails. Just wait, when we're inevitably charged for going to a public bathroom, they'll call the program Toilet+! In any case, my salvation came via a Pizza Hut gift ad given to me by my family last Christmas. After using the $25 gift card to buy one pizza, the Hut's app offered me a month free trial of Apple TV+. Having a real 'screw it' moment, I elected to try out the free month.

Which is pretty stupid in hindsight considering I got Wolfwalkers and the other two Cartoon Saloon movies on DVD that same Christmas and I already owned Blu-Ray copies of the classic Peanuts Holiday specials. Remember folks, I never said I was smart, I only said I liked dinosaurs. As such, what did I think of this show?

Happy to say; it delivers what the trailers promised. This show is what happens when you mix Walking with Dinosaurs with Planet Earth, Attenborough's narration being a highlight as per usual. He brings a level of class to anything he's commenting on, even a Deinocheirus taking a massive dump. Insert obligatory Jurassic Park joke here.

AND FOR ANYBODY JUMPING AHEAD: NO! THE SHOW ISN'T CRAP. THIS IS JUST FOR A JOKE!

It's also to help illustrate a weird point about this show: they do not shy away from the dino love-making or crap-taking. It's Dinos After Dark! Granted they showed this kind of stuff back on Walking with too, but it was just as disgusting there. Especially since the Deinocheirus eats where he poops. If you're thinking of enjoying a tasty bowl of popcorn while enjoying this, I'd recomend you wait until after Episode 3 aka Freshwater.

Those of you who have seen the Planet Earth series will recognize the naming convention here. Instead of going through the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous to see how dinosaurs evolved over time, this show sticks to the late Cretaceous while showing how far stretched the dinosaurs war. A pack of Secernosaurus struggle to find water in dunes made out of gypsum, we find out the Tyrannosaurs could beat you in a swimming contest, a troupe of triceratops are forced underground, one episode even sees how dinosaurs survived the cold.

I was actually super eager to see this episode, as a friend and I argued over the logistics of over-grown reptiles surviving in a snowy landscape. A quick Google search revealed that these early drafts of birds were indeed warm blooded, so I could totally buy them enduring the cold. Even if they couldn't, it looks freak'n cool! Pun intended, of course.

Really my one complaint about this series is how tame it is. When you watched Walking with Dinosaurs, or really any nature documentary, it's hard to guess what's going to happen. Will the baby antelope escape the hungry lion's claws? Will that one panda find a mate before the season's over? Will future generations have the privilege of ever seeing a rhino again? Most importantly, how did the people holding the camera get these magnificent shots? One cameraman working on Planet Earth had to live in a literal mountain of crap for weeks while filming cockroaches. Thinking about it gives makes my skin crawl. Even then that's nothing compared to the massive undertaking that is filming snow leopards. Not to say I want any people producing this to be in actual danger, but the Walking series at least simulated this aspect by having the creatures interact with the camera. Saliva would coat the lens after a T-Rex roared at it, it'd be knocked over after a adolescent Indricotherium charged at it, that sort of thing. This makes what's happening on screen feel natural. Here it all feels too choreographed and planned. There's no real edge. Still, I'd take this over any of the newer Jurassic Park movies any day. This doesn't make it feel my braincells are being smothered with a pillow before getting repeatedly kicked in their metaphorical crotches.

In conclusion, dinosaur lovers will surely love this. The effects will leave you speechless, David Attenborough's voice is a welcomed boost of nostalgia, and the variety of dinosaurs on display should satisfy any paleontology fan. That is assuming this all is accurate, which is getting harder to judge these days. Just wait, come tomorrow some bone-digging bozo is gonna say T-Rex was actually more of a giant woodpecker or somethin'. Until that happens, take a trip back and enjoy watching how life survived this Prehistoric Planet.

By the way, wanna read more rants against streaming services? Then check out my review of Spy x Family to see me complain about Hulu while gushing over how cute Anya forger is. Until then, may the glasses be with you!

NEXT TIME ON GIRAFFE'S EYE VIEW...

[jordoalejandro]

The Thirteenth Annual List of Movies I Saw the Past Year

This was one of the better recent years for film, in my humble opinion. A lot of really excellent stuff at the top of my list. On the other hand, the gulf between the good and not so good films feels more vast this year. Not as much depth.

I think I prefer that though. I like a year where I have more A’s and C’s handed out than a year where everything is a B.

This is also my longest list ever so let’s get to it.

Here’s the list of movies I’ve seen since-ish the last Oscars (3/12/23).

77. The Re-Education of Molly Singer - This feels like a throwback to the bad, cheaply made, straight-to-DVD comedies of the 2000s. Poorly written. Jokes that barely register and often don’t really have a punchline. A janky, cliché filled plot. Forced character arcs. Even the editing feels off. This is the kind of movie that should be 90 minutes (or really 80-something) and it ends up two hours long. Fixing the pacing wouldn’t have saved it but it couldn’t have hurt. Really nothing working here at all.

76. Vacation Friends 2 - I didn’t love the first film but I had some positive feelings about it at least. There was simply no reason for a sequel other than grabbing at cash left on the table. The original was about normal people going through some fairly normal circumstances, albeit slightly heightened for comedic effect. There really wasn’t that much more left to organically explore with them. Thus, this sequel did what a lot of unnecessary comedy sequels do when they are desperate for plot and need to introduce some dramatic stakes: add a criminal element. A random drug lord who can have men with guns chase our heroes. It’s so artificial it immediately lays bare how forced this film is. (This film also does another classic bad comedy sequel thing where it brings back a character from the first film in a way that makes zero sense because they wanted to use the actor again. Here, for some reason, one of the couples has hired an employee from the Mexican hotel from the first film as a babysitter for their newborn on their trip to the Caribbean. You know: a thing that happens.) That alone makes you roll your eyes but it’s not a fatal flaw. It’s forgivable if you can still make it funny. The bigger sin this film commits is that it just doesn’t do anything funny. The jokes are almost nonexistent. They’re barely trying and absolutely none of them land. The original had some humor and some heart to at least make it a decent watch. The sequel is drained of all of that. The weird thing is I can’t say I hated anything in particular here. I just felt pretty much nothing at all through the entire runtime, which is arguably worse. Mark Mothersbaugh’s score was nice though.

75. Fool’s Paradise - It’s kind of fascinating how this film misses every major mark. It wants to be a satire about Hollywood but it’s neither sharp nor insightful. It has a storyline about friendship that is supposed to lead to the emotional climax of the film but it doesn’t ever feel earned. The characters never actually feel like friends in any way and there’s no payoff to their relationship. There’s also a little bit of a Charlie Chaplin homage going on but there isn’t really any delight or charm in it. I don’t know what happened here. Everything is off. The worst part is there are almost no laughs in the whole thing. You could get by a little easier if you could at least nail some good jokes or visual gags or something but there are maybe a few chuckles at best. Even with the crazy amount of cameos by funny people. No one can find a laugh. The film looks nice at least.

74. 65 - Ultimately, it’s a bore. It’s a lot of walking through the jungle and occasionally being attacked by dodgy CGI dinosaurs. The action isn’t very compelling. Nor the visuals and music. Nor the story. Really standard lone wolf and cub stuff. Adam Driver tries but he’s given very little to work with. It’s a step above a Syfy channel film – in budget and quality – but not a huge step.

73. Meg 2: The Trench - I started this one up thinking, “Well, I saw the first one, I might as well watch the sequel” and about twenty minutes in, I realized I wasn’t sure if I actually did see the first one. I certainly didn’t write about it. I might have watched it on HBO? Or maybe it’s one of those films you don’t actually need to watch to know exactly how it goes down beat by beat. Speaking of films you don’t actually need to watch to know exactly how they’re going to go beat by beat: Meg 2: The Trench. There are moments in this film where it realizes it’s a stupid movie and leans in and those are the best parts of the film. Page Kennedy is the only person who is at that right level throughout the whole film. Mostly, though, the movie comes off like another bad Syfy channel film, in writing and especially in CGI. It’s one of those films where nothing looks real. Not just the animals and the sets. It’s so overbearing you can’t believe in the props they’re holding. It’s so much that you actually see past the CGI in your mind's eye and see all the blue screens the actors are standing in front of. Not great for the immersion of it all.

72. About My Father - A couple of nice moments (it has a smidge more heart than I thought it would) but it’s not really funny or sharp or surprising in any way. A lot of flat scenes.

71. Ferrari - You see the title and think it’s going to be a story about the car Ferrari, right? At least half about the cars? But no, it’s really like 80% about the man Ferrari. And the man Ferrari? Not that compelling. Lots of family drama. Mostly uninteresting. Some driving, which is done well but not as good as you’ve seen in other movies (including other period piece movies made within the last five years that have Ferrari in the title). It rolls along like that for a while. And then there’s this one scene that occurs near the end that’s completely unhinged (I’m trying to be subtle to avoid any spoilers but anyone who has seen the film knows exactly which scene I’m talking about). Even though this scene is based in truth, it’s not cohesive with what we’ve seen for the previous 100 minutes. It certainly snaps you awake like no other part in the film, so there’s that at least. Then it goes right back to the family stuff and then it ends. I’m sure there’s enough interesting, unique stuff in Ferrari’s life that it could sustain a biopic but what we got was mostly his relationship drama and that’s not particularly captivating. Adam Driver and Penélope Cruz are decent in this but not great in any kind of way that would merit awards or special recognition.

70. Plane - It’s basically exactly what you expect from a 2023 Gerard Butler movie called Plane. It’s a functional action thriller that doesn’t do anything (action, character, dialogue, humor) particularly well but pieces one thing to the next and gets to the finish line.

69. Killers of the Flower Moon - There are a couple of scenes that happen early in the film: Robert De Niro’s character and Leonardo DiCaprio’s character do some scheming, and then some Native Americans are killed. I hope you enjoy these scenes because they will be repeated over and over and over and over again for the next two hours. Does it ever get interesting? No, not really. Because at its core, the film is a murder mystery-type story and we’re witnessing the entire thing from the perspective of the murderers. Are these murderers at least clever or intriguing or sympathetic in any way? No, not really. They’re dullards who get away with things because no one cares that Native Americans are being murdered. ("You're supposed to feel that frustration!" Fine, but I could probably get there in half an hour. You don't need to drag me through mud for two hours.) The final hour of this behemoth is the law and order part of the show, which is so slow it drove me to near rage. I came right up to the edge of literally shouting at the film to move along. It’s a shame that there’s apparently no one left in the entertainment industry who can tell Martin Scorsese to not make three and a half hour movies. This is a film that is technically sound, at least, and that’s why it’s not at the bottom of the list. It looks good, the writing is fine, the acting is fine (the actors don’t really get a ton to do which is weird because there is so much goddamn time to do stuff!). But it’s just so impossibly long that it becomes an endurance test more than anything, and in doing so, destroys any potential chance for me to care about what is happening in the film or to the characters. I think there’s a good story in here, one I might be interested in watching, if it’s told in, let’s say, two-ish hours. Watching this film, I found myself only wanting it to end already.

68. The Flash - Some decent pieces hidden throughout – a few clever bits or jokes, action sequences, and emotional moments – but more stuff that doesn’t work than does. An unsatisfying plot. An overload of terrible CGI to the point where it often looks like you’re watching a PS3 level video game cutscene. Cameos and Easter Eggs that are jammed in so poorly that there’s no joy in them. Mostly though, it’s just an irritating film. The dialogue often tries too hard to force a laugh. A lot of broad, lazy humor. And worst of all, Ezra Miller’s Flash, the center of the film, is flat out annoying. His awkwardness is turned to 11 and he comes off more like a romantic comedy heroine (I’m too clumsy to get my life together!) than a superhero for the first act of the film. Everything gets even worse when the teenage version of the Flash shows up and behaves, for some reason, like an eight year old hopped up on sugar. It’s not just grating, it’s bad for us as an audience to immensely dislike the film’s main character. This is a movie that feels like it was pieced together from too many visions (including producers demanding more cameos because the other studios do it) and ultimately, it’s a big mess.

67. The Machine - There’s at least some plot though it’s not particularly strong. It works well enough to keep the movie moving along. Serviceable action. The big issue is there are only a couple of genuine laughs and that’s all you’re really looking for here so to be so lacking in that department is a huge issue for the film. An okay plot and serviceable action is not enough to get by. It’s supposed to be really funny and it just isn’t.

66. Good Grief - It has its moments of humor or dialogue but just doesn’t get there for the most part. I think the writing was lacking. Not enough humor, drama isn’t gripping, emotion isn’t there. This plot was fertile ground for a good dramedy but it simply does not capitalize.

65. Polite Society - This is a movie that should be fun and breezy but it’s unfortunately very bad at maintaining any kind of momentum. The final act in particular drags horribly, gaining steam and losing it almost immediately several times, making a 1:40 movie seem much, much longer. A few good moments scattered throughout and definitely some style to it, but overall the humor and action are nowhere near the quality they should be for this to work.

64. Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire - Really generic sci-fi. You’ve got your farmer type rebels and your fascist military army and your laser rifles and CGI aliens and the one hero who can save the universe, but she’s got to pull together her ragtag group to do it. Fine. I can forgive generic if it’s executed well but this is all pretty dull. The characters aren’t interesting, heroes and villains alike. Nor the dialogue. The plot is a standard "get the team together" plot but the heroes just go place to place and have people join them without having to actually do much. Mostly they show up, watch a new character do some sci-fi business, and then that character goes “Okay, let’s go.” Even the action isn’t very good, which is generally Zack Snyder’s strength. The film is interesting to look at, at least, so he hasn’t lost that from his arsenal. But this is supposed to be the jumping off point for a new Star Wars type universe thing and I just don’t see it. I don’t care about any of the goings-on with these characters or this world. There’s nothing here that makes me even the slightest bit enthusiastic for like a dozen movies and spinoff TV shows and video games or whatever.

63. Priscilla - This is the newest addition to the “various scenes from a sad famous woman’s life” collection. It has a little bit more life to it than that but not much. Technically solid. Good looking, good music, fine acting performances. But this feels like a movie made as a direct response to Elvis because his relationship with Priscilla was a bit creepy and, in theory, it does deserve further inspection. The problem is, in practice, when you’re actually watching a two hour film about it and you’re like, no, I guess I really don’t care about any of this. For what it’s worth, the actual Priscilla (an executive producer on this project herself) doesn’t seem to fall on one side of the debate or the other too strongly. The film seems to be sending the message that there was good and bad, that the fame and drugs certainly made things worse and ruined their marriage but, well, the whole thing also ends with “I Will Always Love You” playing so… it’s complicated, I guess? I appreciate it exploring the issue as gray but then that really highlights the “who cares?” of it all. I can’t shake the feeling this was a whole film dedicated to telling me a relationship with Elvis that started when you were a child is kind of weird. Okay. Got it. Thanks.

62. You Hurt My Feelings - Too many scenes that don’t really go anywhere and too many exchanges with no punchlines. It makes it feel like the film is stretching to make its 90 minutes. There are some interesting ideas and some funny bits in here but simply not enough in terms of character or dialogue or plot.

61. A Good Person - It never reaches a level of emotion or poignancy to truly be worth the journey, especially because the journey, at its core, is a generic addiction story (read: a melodramatic, repetitive cycle of relapse and recovery). Florence Pugh is good as always and Morgan Freeman does nice work, but the film as a whole just never gets there.

60. Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget - I don’t really remember the first one. I saw it in theaters as a child and have generally positive feelings about it but that was also two-plus decades ago so I can’t say with any certainty if I liked it or if I just liked being unburdened by age. Anyway, though this sequel is fine, it doesn’t seem to me as good, in writing and style, as the original. (Or maybe it is. Again, I can barely remember.) This is a fine movie for children and I’m sure children would enjoy it. It’s not really anything that appeals to me.

59. Shazam! Fury of the Gods - A couple of funny bits (Djimon Hounsou actually gets most of the better laughs, stealing the few scenes he’s in) and serviceable though not exactly enthralling action, but it still mostly feels like an uninspired sequel. Middling villains and a plot it’s hard to connect with. A lot of murder of innocent people that doesn’t mesh with the otherwise more lighthearted tone. Two movies in and they still haven’t figured out how to make the adult and kid versions of Shazam seem like the same character. It’s a little closer in this one than in the first but adult Shazam acts like an eight year old and kid Shazam (who is 17 years old, not eight) is more serious. You feel like they’re two entities and not the same person. If I had to point the finger, I’d say it’s probably Zachary Levi’s fault. Maybe adult Shazam’s lines might match better with different readings but he plays it very much like a small child and it’s off. The director should probably be on top of this, too. All of this sounds more negative than it is. It’s mostly forgettable fluff but it’s easy enough to watch and not hate. It’s just that it’s also not going to interest anyone outside of fans of the first film.

58. Down Low - Some decent laughs but about as many misses as well. Not funny enough for what flows, plotwise, as a sort of standard dark comedy.

57. The Creator - A good looking film, in cinematography and production design. Slick. But it just could not get me to care about the characters or story. Another sci-fi flick that falls right into your typical lone wolf and cub story. It tries to provide a few cute moments to get you to buy into their relationship but mostly hopes you’ll just accept it because our main character is protecting a “child.” While that is usually enough to go on in most of these types of stories, the child here isn’t really a child. It’s a stand-in for something much more gray. The film hopes you won’t examine that gray area very much if the child says something sweet every now and then. I could maybe get there if the whole thing was executed better but our main character is only sometimes compelling and his relationship with the cub feels more obligatory than earned so I spent the last half of the movie not particularly caring if they succeed or not.

56. Nyad - There’s some of the decent stuff you expect in a story about battling nature (and yourself) to do something incredible. And the relationship between the two leads is strong (so is their acting). But the movie itself isn’t incredibly interesting as a whole. Mostly because it’s a lot of swimming, then getting hurt while swimming, then resetting, then more swimming. And repeat. Nyad goes through a The Revenant-esque series of ass kickings to the point it becomes almost humorous. Also, and this is probably mostly a personal thing, but I don’t really care about feats like this, swimming long distances and such. Of course, there are plenty of films that are about things I don’t care about and I was made to care about them by the film. Nyad never really did enough to get me to buy into why I should care whether or not she can do it. In fact, they often make her such a miserable, unlikeable character that I sometimes found myself rooting for the ocean. The problem is, if you’re not bought in to the glory of the achievement, then you’re really just watching swimming.

55. The Color Purple - I haven’t seen the original but I had a general idea of what it’s about and I sort of formed a version of the film in my head and now, having seen this version, I think I was pretty close. Lots of melodrama about being a woman and Black and poor in the South in the past. It’s not fun! This version has music, at least. A lot of enjoyable songs. Great performances (in singing and choreography). They’re the high points of the film by far and keep things lively. Honestly, another song was something to look forward to when you’re caught in the trauma and sadness parts. It’s a visually strong film as well. Good acting, with Taraji P. Henson, Fantasia Barrino, and especially Danielle Brooks doing strong work. All that said, I write a lot of these reviews and get to the end and say something like “this is coming off more negative than how I actually feel about the film.” This is sort of the opposite. All of this sounds more positive than how I felt about the film. Despite my enjoyment of the musical bits and appreciation of the acting, the film is a lot of dull melodrama. Maybe primarily that. That’s why it’s around here on the list.

54. The Super Mario Bros. Movie - I enjoyed the incorporation of musical themes from the game and some of the Easter Eggs. It’s a pleasant looking film. Colorful but not overwhelming. Is this just stuff I like about the games, though? Maybe there’s credit, at least, in the movie knowing what to pull from the games. Jack Black was good as Bowser. I’m just listing things now. It’s very much a decent kid’s movie: pretty straightforward story, basic jokes. That’s fine. It’s good to have movies for kids that aren’t torturous, but I don’t have kids so I don’t get a ton out of this.

53. Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom - It’s mostly a mess. Most of it is CGI’d to hell, so much so that you start to question whether Jason Momoa is even real. The action scenes aren’t very interesting and neither is the plot. There’s a lot of flat acting in it, too. It’s not what you would call a good film. But you know what? There’s actually a decent amount of enjoyable stuff in here. Some funny lines and gags (though many that do not work). And much of the second act has Momoa reuniting with Patrick Wilson’s villain/brother character from the first film and they have a little buddy comedy thing going that works surprisingly well. Their chemistry is good. Momoa himself is very charismatic. He’s trying. He just has very little to work with. The fun stuff in the film is simply not enough to save it but it at least prevents it from being a train wreck and makes it not a miserable watch.

52. The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial - Well directed, well written (it’s based on a 1950s play which is based on a 1950s novel so it’s mostly adapted but it’s been modernized well), well acted. William Friedkin was a masterful director, and he’s able to mostly keep the film moving and the energy up. Ultimately, though, it does end up feeling like the straight up play adaptation that it is. 95% of the film takes place in one room and it’s essentially a dialogue-only film, and there’s only so much you can do to prevent it from slowing down, even as an expert director.

51. Past Lives - There’s some strong acting and good writing in parts. Moments of brilliance (mostly in the last half hour) but I need more overall. Humor, drama. Something. I’ll settle for more dialogue. It’s a movie with a lot of walking and sightseeing. Very long takes with very few lines. I appreciate letting a moment breathe but, well, let me put it like this: it's a 105 minute movie and I looked up the screenplay and it’s 85 pages long and the dialogue within is written twice, one in Korean and once in English. That’s not an equation that adds up to a fast (or really even medium) paced film.

50. Gran Turismo - Decently directed. The action scenes are well shot and have good energy. David Harbour is very good, turning what might be a cliché curmudgeonly mentor character into a charming curmudgeonly mentor character. He takes really basic lines and imbues them with some life. That’s sort of the problem with the whole script, though. It’s very basic in both plot and dialogue. (There are tons of lines that are just describing what’s happening. “Gotta catch this guy!” “Make the turn!” It’s not the worst thing but once you catch it, you don’t stop hearing it.) There are parts of this film that rise above its base level of basic-ness, but not too many.

49. Dumb Money - Credit to the filmmakers for taking a story that doesn’t really lend itself to a plot nor have any real heroes and crafting a watchable film out of it. It’s entertaining enough and has a few laughs. The second act is very repetitive as they run through the hold or sell question like half a dozen times. I don’t know if this is valid as film criticism because it’s based on me knowing a lot about this story in real life but I found myself rolling my eyes at much of the film and its attempts to oversimplify and create heroes. That’s the issue with telling a story that just happened. The full fallout of the story hasn’t occurred yet. Some of the things in the film have already aged poorly. There’s a title card at the end saying what happened to some of the characters and one says a character was still holding GameStop stock waiting to sell. The stock is like 80% lower now than it was at the peak this film presents. She’s screwed. She’s not a real person, but she does represent a lot of real people who did get caught up in the excitement of this thing and got left holding the bag when it stopped working. Again, I debate with myself if that’s a legit way to criticize a film, so I’ll put that aside and just settle on this being fine.

48. No Hard Feelings - The story, the characters, the comedy: certainly could’ve been better but still passable. They all come together to make a solid enough film with a few laughs but nothing extraordinary.

47. Strays - It has some laugh out loud moments but most of the humor is more “hah.” than actually funny. That’s a problem for a film like this which is really about the jokes more than anything. There is some heart to the film but I don’t know if it’s a strength of the writing so much as an exploitation of our feelings about dogs. That is, show us a dog being sad, then being happy, and their faces and our brains do most of the work. It’s a nice effort to try and create some depth in a film that’s mostly about dogs cussing and humping things, at least.

46. Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game - Cute and cleverly told. It has some good moments and a likability to it but not enough drama to really carry it over even its 90 minute runtime. It basically tries to get by on being cute and cleverly told and that can only get you so far. It’s solid if not spectacular.

45. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - Just okay. It just doesn’t have the life the first two films in this series had. It misses the groundedness of those films and those side characters. A lot of time here is spent setting up the Quantum Realm and its factions and showing it all off but it’s hard to really care about all these new characters or this world which reads like a generic alien world and never feels more than a giant load of CGI. A lot could probably be forgiven if it was funnier but while it has moments of humor and creativity, it goes too long in between to forgive its weakness in other areas.

44. Rustin - A decent, if straightforward, civil rights biopic. A very strong performance from Colman Domingo at the center. Not a lot of surprises but it moves well enough for a biopic.

43. Champions - It’s a film about a curmudgeonly, washed up basketball coach who has to coach a team of young adults with learning disabilities. If you hear that premise and immediately build the film in your head, you’re probably at least 80% right. It’s done well, though. It has some heart and a few good laughs and moves well enough. I would’ve liked it more if it was funnier or tapped into something more emotional, but as is it’s decent enough.

42. Lift - It’s a sleek heist film with a decent score and it moves well which makes it quite watchable even if it’s not exactly a great film. It’s very clunky. The writing isn’t fun enough. Only really Billy Magnussen and Vincent D’Onofrio are given characters with some personality. They aren’t written particularly well but the actors make them work by leaning in. The rest of the team doesn’t offer a whole lot. Kevin Hart seems miscast. He’s playing a veteran criminal (think George Clooney in the Oceans movies) but he doesn’t fit the role well and he’s given almost nothing funny to do. More action than anything, which is not his wheelhouse. The main heist isn’t plotted particularly sharply. It sidelines most of the team at the halfway point so Hart and Gugu Mbatha-Raw can have an action romance style third act. Again, it’s not great. More than a handful of weird choices. But it didn’t exactly stop me from enjoying the ride, so I can’t really ding it too badly I guess.

41. Bank of Dave - Cute, sweet, kind of simple. Nothing too surprising. Could be funnier. Based off a true-ish story (as it says) and a lot of it feels movie-fied (some parts egregiously so) but it still mostly works and you can watch it and feel good.

40. Blue Beetle - It’s a DC origin film that’s about on par with the first Shazam. It shares some of the highlights and issues with Shazam, as well. Highlights: some good humor, fun character interactions between the heroes and the side characters. Issues: action is just okay, some darker tone shifts that don’t jibe with the lightheartedness in most of the rest of the film. The villain in this film was much weaker than Shazam but the soundtrack was much better and more memorable. Xolo Maridueña is a more charismatic lead, too. So, some give and take but I’d rate them around the same quality level.

39. Linoleum - Some interesting stuff for the first 80% of the film but a bit slow. An excellent finale, though, that sort of saves everything. In that sense, it’s sort of the opposite of a film like Don’t Worry Darling, proving a good ending can really make or break you. Linoleum’s strong, moody, emotional finish ties everything together and sheds light on what we’ve seen and makes the whole thing feel worthwhile.

Are you still with me? We’re about halfway there. Grab a snack. Let’s do a quick mid-list documentary break.

Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie is a creatively edited, sometimes difficult to watch film about the actor’s life with some strong emotional moments throughout. Parkinson’s is a hell of a disease.

The Eternal Memory is another touching, heart-wrenching film. Also not an easy watch but it finds a way to inject love and beauty into something quite bleak. Alzheimer’s is a hell of a disease.

Okay, let’s get to the top half of the list, which is longer than some previous whole lists. Why did I do this to myself?

38. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. - A cute and snappy coming of age story. Doesn’t talk down and doesn’t get too melodramatic. Some sweet moments, some funny moments. I would imagine it probably hits harder for women but I can appreciate the quality of the work.

37. The Killer - Very stylish, as David Fincher does. It moves well. Michael Fassbender is very good in the role. Tilda Swinton has a good bit role, too. It’s fun as a sort of neo-noir experience but as a story it’s not incredibly fulfilling. The setup is fun (the opening sequence which gets you right inside the killer’s mind is the high point of the film), then you get the inciting incident, and then four revenge chapters which are different enough from one another to stay fresh but not entirely compelling overall in a storytelling way. It’s similar to John Wick in that sense, though it’s a bit more artistic and less action-y than that.

36. The Marvels - Funny. Good characters. Iman Vellani, who was strong as the lead in her MCU show, does an excellent job here, able to still stand out even amongst bigger acting names. There’s a power swap thing between the three leads that is inventive and creates for some very fun action scenes. The villain is entirely forgettable, though, and the story isn’t really there either. Plus, the film is structured in a weird way. It sort of skips a first act and jumps right into act two, which makes it feel a little bit unsatisfying. Not necessarily unsatisfying as in letting the viewer down, but unsatisfying in a way that makes you feel as if you’ve just watched an episodic adventure rather than a full satisfying film story.

35. Extraction 2 - A strong follow up that shares the same strengths and weaknesses from the first. Action is really well done. There’s a 20+ minute one-shot early in the film that’s so impressive and long it almost feels arrogant. Like, it just keeps going to the point where you start thinking enough already. It also kind of makes every action piece that follows feel like a let down. Chris Hemsworth is good in the role again. The weakness, like the first, is in the story. It’s mostly there just to give reason for our heroes to run around and kill bad guys.

34. Tetris - Presented in a really clever way. It moves well. It’s movie-fied for sure and you can absolutely feel it, but it’s in service of making what’s likely a pretty dry story into something more thrilling and effective.

33. Nimona - Great looking animation. A good story. Funny. Solid voice acting. It’s mostly for children but an adult can watch it, too, and appreciate some of the jokes and not be miserable.

32. Leo - Not every bit lands but there are some very good ones that produce genuine laughs. It has some heart and sweetness to it, too. Adam Sandler does solid voice work. A lot of songs, some good, some weak. Like Nimona, a cute film for kids that parents can watch and get something out of as well.

31. May December - A fascinatingly dark film with notes of sharp satire. It’s not the most thrilling film but it keeps you engaged. Well written and directed. Well acted. Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore are good, of course, but Charles Melton is excellent as well.

30. Elemental - A well done, insightful story about immigrants. The romance story was fine but didn’t really hook me. I enjoyed the film as a whole but it just didn’t hit me in the emotions like so many Pixar films do. A good film but not one of their best.

29. John Wick: Chapter 4 - A little too long to the point where even the action scenes, which are the main attraction, start to overstay their welcome. You start to go “Okay I get it, let’s move on.” Still, the action is very well done. Fun locales. A good looking film. Even a few bits of well-employed humor. I think it’s my favorite since the first one and perhaps the best one of the series but I also say that knowing that this series is very much four movies that are fun while you’re in the ride but leave your memory almost immediately after. They are what they are.

28. Maestro - Really impressive acting from Bradley Cooper and especially Carey Mulligan. Strong directing and visuals. It’s almost told in vignettes, which makes it kind of dreamlike. Some of the vignettes really work but a lot hit your sort of standard biopic pieces and don’t do as much. Overall, it’s solid.

27. Somewhere in Queens - Decent writing, decent acting, with Laurie Metcalf giving a nice performance. Complex, nuanced characters. It’s a good family dramedy with a little bit of humor and emotion.

26. Saltburn - It’s delightfully dark and keeps you interested, even if it sort of reaches an ending that, while not bad, doesn’t land with the sort of punch you want it to. There’s something missing in character motivation and plotting that makes it feel like it’s missed the mark. Still some fun performances (especially Barry Keoghan and Rosamund Pike) and excellent cinematography and design. It works as is. It just feels like there was potential for this to be more and it didn’t get there.

25. Bottoms - Very funny, very silly. I think my main problem is that it’s such a hyper-heightened reality the film takes place in that when it comes back down to Earth and tries to have some human drama it makes me roll my eyes. Having football players kept in a cage in history class and also a sincere best friends argument feels like trying to have your cake and eat it, too. Still very fun though when it sticks to the over the top satire, which is the majority of the film.

24. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny - I think part of the problem is the original three were so good and ended so perfectly, it’s really hard to find a story to make further adventures worthwhile. This one is fine, but it just doesn’t get all the way there. It doesn’t quite measure up, in basically every sense. The action, the humor – they’re there but just not totally up to par. The other thing that is a little off is that this feels very much like a modern action movie, like someone doing Indiana Jones years later. There was a pulpiness to the original three that made them feel less plastic and that’s missing here. Even with its faults, I still think this is a good film. John Williams’ music is still great and Harrison Ford still has the charisma, and there are moments where you feel the magic again. Just not enough to string together a fully great film. It leaves a better taste in my mouth than Crystal Skull, at least, even if it can’t live up to the original trilogy. Maybe it never had a chance.

23. Theater Camp - Very cute, often funny. It pokes fun at theater kids and actors but in a loving way. A sweet movie that’s an easy watch.

22. Quiz Lady - A very endearing film. Sweet, silly, funny. A little bit of heart, too. There’s certainly room for it to be funnier or more original but it works and has some good bits and fun performances.

21. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves - Lots of fun. It has solid action pieces and good humor. Importantly, it finds ways to do fresh things with a sort of standard fantasy story and keeps it entertaining throughout. The writer/director team of Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley did this with their last film, Game Night, too. Take a premise that could be kind of bleh and get creative. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, just write a sharp, funny script.

20. Red, White & Royal Blue - This is my token “sweet gay romcom that I have a tough time being objective about” pick. I get one of these every few years or so. It’s a very cute film with some decent humor and good flow. Sort of your standard romcom fare but it’s executed well. Should it be this high on the list, quality-wise? No, probably not. It’s not that much worse, but it’s, objectively, not that great either. I enjoyed it enough, however, to bump it up here. And it is my list after all.

19. Wonka - Like Paul King’s Paddington films, this is much better than you expect it would be or than it really needs to be. Also, like the Paddington films, this is still mostly a movie for kids so it’s only going to go so far for me. But it’s quite a delightful film. Some clever lines and gags. Good songs, though nothing iconic that will stick long term. I have to stop doubting Timothée Chalamet. When I first heard of this, I thought it was going to be a mistake, but he’s so damn charming that he’s able to pull it off. He dives headfirst into this role and gives it his all and it pays off.

18. You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah - It’s similar in theme to Are You There God? but mixed a little with Mean Girls and flavored incredibly Jewishly. I found it to be a sharper, funnier, and more modern approach to those themes. The nepotism of it all is a little gross (it’s crazy that Adam Sandler’s immediate family all won major roles in this film he produced after what I’m sure was a thorough audition process) but Sunny Sandler is, in fact, quite good in the role so you can forgive it.

17. Anatomy of a Fall - Smartly written, well acted. Sandra Hüller gives a strong, subtle performance at the center of the film and Milo Machado-Graner is great in a supporting role. The film does feel a little bit like an intense, fleshed out episode Law and Order though. There’s an hour of courtroom drama in the middle that’s engaging but also mostly dialogue on dialogue. It’s similar to The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial in that there’s only so much you can do to dress that up. It’s a film that doesn’t spoon-feed you, which I appreciate. It’s confident in its ambiguity and it lets you decide where you fall, pun absolutely not intended.

16. Air - Sharp writing, moves well, good acting. Matt Damon and Viola Davis are especially strong. (Damon delivers a speech near the end of the film that is particularly affecting.) Nothing groundbreaking. Just a really well done sports/business story.

15. Next Goal Wins - Sweet, funny, and some heart as well. The story has some clunkiness and there are definitely some misses amongst the many jokes in the film, but a lot more that works than doesn’t. Michael Fassbender is very good and Oscar Kightley is excellent as the surprising heart of the film. It gives you everything you want from a feel good sports film.

14. Oppenheimer - Some great stuff but also simply too long. The film is paced well enough for a three hour film but it likely didn’t need to be three hours. The most compelling stuff, as you might imagine, is the creation and moral implications of building a world destroying bomb. Interpersonal affairs, while interesting enough still, are much less so. Good acting from Cillian Murphy and Robert Downey Jr., who really are the only ones to get enough screen time in this giant cast to truly make their mark. (I would argue though, if you wanted to trim an hour from this film, you could probably pare down Downey’s role almost entirely.) Good directing and writing, taking what might be very dry material and keeping it enthralling.

13. Barbie - I really like how many wild swings this film took for being a big budget film based on a worldwide property. Interesting characters. Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling do great work in their roles. Sharp writing. More than a few laugh out loud jokes and gags (though also a handful that fall flat). It does veer into too silly territory at some points and drags a little here and there but is able to recover, usually by taking a sharp left turn you don’t expect. Its messages are laid on thick but it’s playing to a certain younger audience so I’ll roll with it. A couple of nice humanist moments as well (which is something Greta Gerwig excels at including in her films) though nothing in the film that really cut through me emotionally.

12. Blackberry - A fairly straightforward rise and fall story of a tech company but particularly well done. Fun, smart, doesn’t drag. Good music, good style. Glenn Howerton in his wheelhouse as a barely restrained maniac and gives an excellent, memorable performance.

11. Rye Lane -  Smart, sharp writing. Strong performances from the two leads, David Jonsson and Vivian Oparah, who have great chemistry. Fun direction and editing. It rolls right along for about 75 minutes, tells its story, and then ends. This is another film where it’s like: is this, at its core, just a very cute rom com? Yes. But while it’s not reinventing the genre it is a great execution of it.

10. All of Us Strangers - A truly beautiful, haunting film about love and loss and the things we wish we could say. It’s very artsy so it certainly has its slow points where moments just breathe and breathe, but its high points are so damn high. It’s like an emotional assassin. Several scenes, especially in the back half, that just nail you right in the heart. It’s basically a four actor film - Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, Jamie Bell, and Claire Foy - and each of them puts in just tremendous work, all worthy of being on my top five individual performances list.

9. Society of the Snow - “Alive - Now with real Latinos!” It’s a pretty straightforward survival film about a story that you’ve likely heard of and so there aren’t really a ton of surprises but it’s expertly made. Shot well, acted well. Tense and thrilling. Aided by a beautiful score from Michael Giacchino. It’s a brutal story but one that’s also about sacrifice and strength and hope. It’s a simple theme but it lands well, puns still completely unintended.

8. Poor Things - Absolutely fascinating from a visual and musical standpoint, as Yorgos Lanthimos does. His directing is truly excellent and matches great with Tony McNamara’s sharp writing. The film is just a bit too long. You can feel it gaining and losing momentum in the back half. Mark Ruffalo’s scenes are definitely the best in the movie and the others, while generally good, are just not as strong (with Willem Dafoe’s scenes being the strongest of the rest). Excellent acting performances from Ruffalo and Dafoe and especially Emma Stone at the center of this wild ride.

7. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse - A fantastic sequel, on par with the first. Smart, funny, emotional writing, good voice acting. The visuals are excellent but often have so much happening on screen you can’t focus and have to just kind of glaze over and let it go. It’s fine – you never really feel lost – but it’s also kind of sad because there are interesting details happening that you almost literally can’t catch without stopping the movie. I was really loving this film until the final minutes. Without giving too much away, I’ll just note it basically concludes on a “to be continued…” note, stopping at what feels like the mid-point of the third act. It’s an ending that doesn’t not work but movies that end like that leave a bad taste in my mouth. Set up threads for the next film, sure, but don’t leave me hanging completely. Don’t make me leave your film with a groan. The ending was obviously not enough to make me hate the film, hence why it’s way up here on the list, but it would’ve been higher with a more complete one.

6. Leave the World Behind - A fascinating neo-paranoia thriller that’s masquerading as an apocalypse film, which is very meta in itself. It has a lot of interesting things to say about us as a society, which risks it getting preachy, but it walks the line by telling the story in a really engaging way and never sacrificing plot for message. Good acting, smart writing, and interesting directing. It doesn’t force you to a conclusion but presents you with some ideas and lets you decide.

5. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - A little overstuffed but other than that a really wonderful end to this trilogy. James Gunn brings the humor, the music, the emotional beats, the action. He writes these characters and their interactions so well. I don’t know how or if this series will continue, but whoever takes it over will have a tremendous challenge trying to match Gunn. It would have been a travesty to have not let him come back and close out this chapter for these characters, and I’m so glad they got one last ride under his direction.

4. Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One - It feels like there should be another dash or colon or something between Dead Reckoning and Part One, right? But that’s how they list it. I think they got self-conscious about already having too many punctuation marks in the title. One more would look ridiculous. The night after we watched this film the first time, we were going to watch another film that we’d been putting off (it appears on this list, much lower) and all I could think while navigating towards the other film was how much I just wanted to watch Dead Reckoning again instead. That’s the kind of film this is. It energizes you. It makes you want to come back for more. The action sequences are fantastic, as always. The humor is there. The visuals. The music. The franchise has had issues with villains (generally its weak point) and making the main villain of this arc a nebulous computer program isn’t really helping to remedy that. (Esai Morales is fine but unremarkable as the human face of that program.) The decision to make the villain an AI that can manipulate essentially anything adds a really nice dose of paranoia to all the proceedings but also requires a lot more heavy exposition and makes the film much more heady. Making you think a little more isn’t necessarily a bad thing for a film, but is it the right choice for a Mission: Impossible film? I’m not sure. It’s maybe better for these films to just have a MacGuffin and keep things moving. Still, this film’s nearly three hours fly by and despite it being a “part one,” it tells a full enough story to be satisfying.

3. Asteroid City - The music, production design, and cinematography are excellent as always with Wes Anderson. Strong acting from the whole ensemble in small pieces and a surprisingly strong performance by Jason Schwartzman at the center. Smart writing as well. Fast and very funny, and then movingly poignant. It’s a little inaccessible in parts. The plot is purposefully all over the place and it can make it quite difficult to parse exactly what’s going on at first glance, but I think the greater message still comes through and in a deeply emotional way, in my view at least. It really worked for me.

2. American Fiction - Tremendous writing. A strong, smart, very funny satire about media mixed with a moving family dramedy. Great acting performances all around but especially Jeffrey Wright, who is excellent as the film’s anchor, and Sterling K. Brown, who delivers a very strong supporting performance, embodying a character who’s both funny and deeply pained. Everything about this movie works.

1. The Holdovers - I guess the theme of this year’s list is “brilliant execution.” No other film for me embodies that theme this year more than The Holdovers. Yes, the film is your sort of standard “curmudgeon bonds with young person who melts his heart” tale but it is executed flawlessly. It finds the right tone immediately and never lets it slip. A pitch perfect mix of humor and drama. Heart and sorrow. Very human. Sharp writing. Brilliant acting all around. Paul Giamatti is fantastic. The too smart for his own good sad sack who is actually a human being underneath the layers of protection he puts between himself and other people. Da’Vine Joy Randolph, who, if this blog’s search function worked, you could find me singing the praises of for years, once again turns in an excellent performance. I’m so glad she’s getting big-time recognition. Dominic Sessa is great, as well, and it’s very impressive that he’s going toe to toe with these other two established actors and sticking right with them. The core three characters’ stories unfold so beautifully throughout the film, getting you to empathize with them slowly and naturally. It’s filled with great music and great visuals. You feel yourself in New England in the 1970s. I think the thing I can say most in favor of this film is that I just didn’t want it to end. It’s such a warm, wonderful story that I was actually disappointed when I felt it turning from act two to act three and starting to wrap up. In a year where I’ve complained over and over that a lot of these films are too long, this was the one film I could’ve spent much, much more time in.

Time to do some individual awards.

Best Actor

5. Jason Schwartzman, Asteroid City 4. Barry Keoghan, Saltburn 3. Andrew Scott, All of Us Strangers 2. Jeffrey Wright, American Fiction 1. Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers

Best Actress

5. Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall 4. Natalie Portman, May December 3. Margot Robbie, Barbie 2. Carey Mulligan, Maestro 1. Emma Stone, Poor Things

Best Supporting Actor

5. Paul Mescal, All of Us Strangers 4. Willem Dafoe, Poor Things 3. Glenn Howerton, Blackberry 2. Sterling K. Brown, American Fiction 1. Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things

Best Supporting Actress

5. Julianne Moore, May December 4. Rosamund Pike, Saltburn 3. Claire Foy, All of Us Strangers 2. Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple 1. Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

Best Directing

5. Emerald Fennell, Saltburn 4. J. A. Bayona, Society of the Snow 3. Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things 2. Wes Anderson, Asteroid City 1. Alexander Payne, The Holdovers

Best Writing

5. Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach, Barbie 4. Tony McNamara, Poor Things 3. Wes Anderson, Asteroid City 2. David Hemingson, The Holdovers 1. Cord Jefferson, American Fiction

And now let’s look at the ACTORS WEB:

What a nightmare! Here’s a fun fact about the making of this graphic: I almost cried and gave up on it four or five times! I saw too many movies with too many big casts this year. A terrible mistake on my part.

Okay, that’s more than enough for this post. It’s over. We made it.

Enjoy the Oscars.

- - - - -

Read More:

Annual Lists of Movies I Saw the Past Year

[akakeiiji]

HI!~ SAGE!~ Can I have a scenario with Ushijima, Bokuto and Tsukishima? Their S/O is usually really shy so they have a hard time expressing their feelings? And one day they fall alseep on top of them? In the morning they confess its because the boys make them feel safe and they're comfortable around them? - 🌼

— Haikyuu boys' reaction to their S/O falling asleep on top of them

↳ a/n — I think I would probably be able to die happy if I were in this situation 🥺🥺 ALSO FALLING ASLEEP ON BOKUTO SEEMS LIKE HEAVEN, HE WOULD BE SO WARM AND WEFBERGHRBEGE I CANNOT

↳ includes — Ushijima Wakatoshi, Bokuto Koutarou, Tsukushima Kei

— Ushijima Wakatoshi

Ushijima knew you were asleep the moment you dozed off because he wasn't paying attention to the movie playing on the television at all. Why would he when you were a much more interesting sight to behold than the random rom-com you two were watching?

You seemed so invested in the story, gasping and giggling at certain parts, and your boyfriend couldn't help but smile at your little reactions. Over time, he noticed you slowly leaning more into him as you struggled to keep your eyes open. He didn't say anything though and simply watched you droop your head down on his chest, now fast asleep.

To say that he turned into a statue would be the best way to describe his reaction. He remained still, choosing not to move so much as an inch as you curled into him. He didn't budge, not even when his leg started to go numb from the uncomfortable position he was in, or when he suddenly had the urge to pee. However, he wasn't bothered by this, he was purely content in that position, smiling down at you as he gently caressed the top of your head.

When you began to stir after about half an hour—much to his disappointment—the way you blinked up at him groggily was enough to fill his weekly supply of serotonin.

"Sorry, Toshi. I didn't mean to fall asleep," You said through a yawn, stretching your arms up lazily. You turned to him and went back to your earlier position, nuzzling into his chest, "I just feel so safe with you, I guess I can't help it."

The corner of Ushijima's lips twitched upwards as he placed a loving kiss on the top of your head, "You don't have to apologize, (Y/N). I'm glad to know you feel that way."

— Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto's laughs and little gasps filled the room as his round, golden eyes remained transfixed on the action movie playing on the screen. It was another blockbuster that just came out and your boyfriend was so excited to see it but as much as you wanted to stay up and watch with him, your exhaustion got the better of you and you found yourself dozing off on his chest.

Others would have jolted awake the moment Bokuto would let out a hearty laugh or yell in shock at a certain scene but you on the other hand were a special case, more than used to his boisterous self. So much so that you could sleep in peace through it, over time you supposed that it's become comforting and not bothersome at all.

A particularly cool fight scene had just ended, one that had Bokuto practically shaking in his seat, "Hey, hey, (Y/N), wasn't that guy so cool the way he—(Y/N)? Are you sleeping?" He went from half-yelling to whispering in a split second, tilting his head forward to get a better look at your face, confirming that you were in fact fast asleep.

His heart swelled at the sight of you, you just looked so adorable like this. He felt even giddier upon thinking of how difficult you found it sometimes to express yourself and be vulnerable like this and that you were comfortable enough to fall asleep with him by your side.

"Okay, goodnight, babe." He said in a whisper, pressing a kiss on your forehead and turning back to the movie, a small smile on his face as he lowered the volume down for you, his arm wrapped tightly around your shoulder.

— Tsukishima Kei

You loved your boyfriend, you really did, but what you didn't love was how he always insists on watching dinosaur documentaries every time you two stay in to watch movies. But how could you say no to him when he gets so excited when watching them? Always pointing certain things out to you and explaining why he thought they were so special with a childlike glint in his eyes.

So you endured and always agree to watch them with him, they weren't that bad, some were actually pretty interesting but tonight the low, calming voice of the narrator was doing nothing but lull you to sleep against your will. As the dinosaur, whatever its name was, caught its prey, your head fell down against Tsukishima's shoulder, your eyelids fluttering shut.

Of course, the blonde didn't notice, only silently shifting in his seat to accommodate your head on his shoulder and make you both comfortable but his eyes never left the television screen.

Minutes went by, and when a particularly ugly-looking creature was introduced by the narrator, Tsukishima chuckled and pointed at it, "Hey, it looks like you."

He awaited your response, a witty quip or a light smack to his chest but nothing came. He looked down, an eyebrow raised to find you fast asleep, clutching tightly onto his arm. He froze, stiffening in his seat as you shuffled closer to him, nuzzling yourself on him as you shifted into a more comfortable position.

He scoffed, trying to feign indifference as if you were watching and could bear witness to the slight tinge of pink rising on his cheeks. He tried to keep focusing on the documentary but his eyes kept darting back to your slumbering figure, a small uncharacteristic smile now on his face. He reached over to the seat next to him and grabbed the throw blanket on it, draping it over you.

"Idiot." He said as he tucked you in, shaking his head at you.

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 4 of incorrect quotes because i feel obligated to make more due to the sheer number of people who liked it

Dream: My dearest beloved fuckos, is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech

George: See also, esteemed bastards

Bad: Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated cryptids. 

Sapnap: My fellow yees and haws

~~~~~~~

Techno:Hey I know skyrim is revered as a classic but are we just going to ignore the fact that the entire game only had like 3 voice actors

Wilbur:Stop right there criminal cum

Techno:My ancestors are smiling at me, bastard, can you say the same

~~~~~~~

Foolish:When's your bedtime :)

Purpled: Whenever I next collapse in purely up to the gods

~~~~~~

Ranboo:Human skin is a fursuit for skeletons 

Tubbo: i’m going to debone you like a fucking trout

~~~~~~

Bad:You’re enough

Bad: love yourself!!!!!!! or suffer my wrath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream:And by wrath I mean love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad:no I mean wrath!!!!! You reading this, if you don't love yourself I’ll beat you with a stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

Bad:I hope everyone is today well! And tomorrow!!!! After that you’re on your own.

~~~~~~

Bad:what am I supposed to do all day while you’re at work

Skeppy:I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone

Bad: wait for you to get back

~~~~~~

Velvet:For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in

Ant:Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Velvet:Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

~~~~~~

Tubbo: 3:23 AM make a wish

Ranboo: I wish that you would go to sleep

Tuddo: Yeah well I wish I grew an inch taller every day as you get an inch shorter until you’re as flat as as a piece of paper and I’m 11 feet tall

Ranboo: You’re going to die of a mixture of skeletal instability and heart disease.

Tubbo: Yeah but I’ll look good while doing it.

~~~~~~

Bad:Disrespect me again and I’ll determine your bodies resonant frequency and play a jaunty horn solo that boils your miserable organs inside out 

~~~~~~

Quackity: If I were dating you?  Well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore

Karl: hey what the honk does this mean…..I’m shaking what does this mean!

~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you ok?

Bad wrapped in a burrito blanket drinking his 6th cup of coffee: Yes, this is exactly what mental stability looks like

~~~~~~

Sam: My hands are cold

Ponk: *holds their hands*

Ponk: better?

Sam: My lips are cold too

~~~~~~

George at dream’s funeral: can I have a moment alone with them?

Sapnap: of course *leaves*

George leaning over dream’s casket: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.

Dream: yeah no shit

~~~~~~

Skeppy, jokingly: I should have Bad kill you for that.

Bad, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Skeppy: Wh- no, I was just kidding around.

Bad, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you

~~~~~~

Bad *watching the news*: Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Skeppy *covered in ink*: Maybe the squirt was being a dick.

~~~~~~

Peacock: *spreads feathers at Bad*

Skeppy: It’s trying to attract a mate

Bad, extremely confused: *shyly lifts top*

Skeppy: No!

~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl, do you eat olives? My dad wants to know

Karl: No, I hate olives. Olives are the spawn of satan. I hate olives so much my mom forced me to live in Mount olive for the rest of my childhood as a curse from the olive gods. Do you understand how much olives have ruined my life? I'm so offended that you asked me that have some consideration for people who have been abused by olives please!

Sapnap: K A R L ……….they’re just olives!!?

Karl: JUST OLIVES EXCUSE!

~~~~~~

Tommy: If you’re bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. It’s free and the cops can’t stop you

~~~~~~

Wilbur: is there anyone even named sheldon irl?

Tubbo: my class turtle from 6th grade :)

Wilbur: that’s a turtle

Tubbo: When god sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: No bcuz why do ppl like salad?? What’s so good about it

Tubbo: chew leaf like god intended

Ranboo: No

Tubbo: Abandon god and see what he does next time you lift your hands in prayer

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Wilbur, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~~~~

Quackity: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

~~~~~~

Puffy: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Bad: Sex.

Skeppy: Seriously, answer faster.

Bad: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Skeppy: It’s like a giant hug.

Puffy: Ant, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Ant: Food.

Puffy: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Ant: ……...Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Gumi: What about you Velvet? What would you give up sex or food?

Velvet: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Gumi: No, you gotta pick one.

Velvet: Um, food… no, sex… no, food…sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want Antfrost on bread!

~~~~~~~

Tommy, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Why are you guys acting like this?

Boomer: Oh, we’re not acting. We really are like this.

~~~~~~

Techno: Dream has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re pathetic!

Wilbur: You’re pathetic-er!

Techno: You’re both losers.

~~~~~~

Bad: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Skeppy: Bad, please!

Bad: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for Michal?

Ranboo: They need to learn how to protect us.

~~~~~~

Antfrost: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

~~~~~~

Bad: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Skeppy: Go the fuck to sleep Bad!

Bad: LANGUAGE!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, please calm down.

Tubbo: I asked for two large fries!

Tubbo: *dumps fries onto table*

Tubbo: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

~~~~~~

Bad: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

Skeppy: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~~~~

Wilbur: When you’ve been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.

Tommy: Navy blue isn’t your color.

Wilbur: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tommy*

~~~~~~

Bad: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Puffy: Where did you get that?.

Bad: My pocket.

Puffy: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Bad: Skills.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: I will come to your house after work and knock on your window at 11 AM. You will not open the curtains, knowing full well what awaits you, but the knocking only grows louder, more demanding. Finally it stops, your ears ringing. You nervously let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're safe now. Minutes pass by and you start to relax. And then you hear a knock at the front door. Like before, you stay still and clutch the blankets around you. You try to tell your self that it's just your imagination. Maybe the milk man? But why would he come so late? Everyone else was asleep, save for Naomi who was playing video games down stairs. To your relief, the knocking stops after a few. Minutes and you breath easy once more. Until you hear a knock on your bedroom door. You don't move. It's just your imagination. She isn't here. She can't be here. You tell yourself, shutting your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. The knock comes again, but with horror you realize that it came from the closet inside your room. You know that you have no choice. You get up, climbing out of bed with shaking limbs. You walk to the closest, trembling, and holding back the tears threatening to spill over your porcelain cheeks. You hesitate with your hand over the closet handle. Maybe it's just your imagination? She's not really there. You can go to sleep and laugh it off in the morning. Your naive thoughts are cut off by another, more demanding knock on the closet door, inches from your face. You know what you have to do. You open the closet door, and there she stands. Chuck e cheese, the mouse looms over you in the dim light. It's soulless eyes boor into you. It raises its arms, and you flinch as it begins to floss at lightning speed. Tears spill over your cheeks. This is the last thing you'll ever see.

Ranboo: Wait, Chuck e cheese’s pronouns are she/her? Trans Chuck e cheese? Good for her.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Would you like something to drink? *They opened the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Quackity: Spiders?

Bad: Spiders it is then.

Quackity: No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders…

~~~~~~

Puffy : Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Velvet : Make his dick hard not his life.

Punz : Break her bed not her heart.

Skeppy : Play with his boobs not his feelings. 

Ant : Get on his dick not his nerves.

Bad : Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Tommy: Bet you I can!

Phil: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

~~~~~~~

Ant: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Ponk: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Skeppy: Badboyhalo bath water.

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~~~~~~

Fundy: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

Wilbur: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Mint is just cold spicy.

Pummel party Squad: …

Gumi: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

~~~~~~~~

Quackity: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Phil:

Phil: Why are you eating dirt?

Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Quackity: You’re too young to have enemies.

Tubbo: You don’t even know.

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Puffy: What’s up your ass this morning!

Bad: *walks in* …Hi!!

Puffy: Hmm… nevermind.

Skeppy: WAIT NO!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Ha! Don’t you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Skeppy: I must be losing it, I’m quoting Bad.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad, I sense hostility.

Bad: Good, because I hate you

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you a painting?

Skeppy: What-?

Bad: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Skeppy: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG ME OR SOMETHING-

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re giving me a sticker?

Phil: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Tommy: I’m not a preschooler.

Phil: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Tommy: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~~

Dream, sweating: George, there’s something I need to ask you-

George: Finally! You’re proposing!

Dream: How’d you know?

George: Dream, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

George: I even picked it up once

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bad: Aw. :(

Skeppy: You know what they say.

Bad: Please don’t-

Skeppy: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bad: Frick-

~~~~~~~~

let me know if ya’ll want more <3