#for aforementioned reasons

[bookwyrminspiration]

I don't really have a final conclusion for this, I've just been thinking recently that I appreciate the effort Shannon made to say its okay to learn differently than others and have unique needs, however Exillium being the medium through which that message is conveyed in Unlocked falls short (at least for me) because...that's also the punishment school. Having different educational needs and being sent to a different school--not to mention one that's not even part of formal society and is literally in the wild--for poor behavior/choices are two very different things, but they've been lumped together.

Yes, it's entirely okay to learn differently and have unique needs, but that's not why kids get sent to Exillium. It's not a school to help accommodate their learning. Kids are, from what we've seen, sent almost always because they've caused problems and are deemed unfit for the typical schools. Disruptive, problematic, criminal, lesser, etc. So also having it be the alternative learning school kind of implies a correlation between having different needs and making poor choices/having problem behavior. Like none of these students "learn differently" (that we've been told at least) they caused problems (intentional or not) that people didn't want to deal with. Maybe this isn't representative of all Exillium students, but it's all we've seen so far that I can recall.

And yes Exillium is improving and did have a positive initial intention, but as it is right now I find myself (personally, these are my feelings) uncomfortable at it being used to say its okay to learn differently. Because it doesn't feel like it follows through on that message. Having the school where kids with criminal behavior are sent out of sight separate from the rest of society being the school for alternate learning styles just doesn't sit quite right.

And yes, some of the kids sent there were just labeled disruptive/problematic and they didn't actually do anything wrong but be themselves, but their being fucked over by the system doesn't change that that is how the system works.

I'm not really going anywhere with this and it's difficult to articulate (I'm sure I've missed a few clarifying points because I keep debating with myself back and forth) because I do think Shannon meant well, I'm not an expert, and there are always arguments to be made to the contrary (like I said, I've been debating with myself). It's just something I've been thinking about because I always feel icky reading that part of Linh's Exillium commentary, but maybe I'm making a problem out of nothing.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I actually think SSRIs may not be the best treatment route for me in general, tbh, because I'm not willing to risk weight loss or weight gain and some of the other temporary/potential side effects made me have an hour long anxiety attack just from thinking about experiencing them because they're triggers for my anxiety PLUS my brother did experience those particular trigger things (for me; he didn't care) when he went on the medication I was just prescribed, so there's a likely biological trigger involved in there too, plus my problems already with food and my body image and the high probability I'll lose or gain weight alongside the fact that bodily changes trigger my anxiety too plus I'll have heightened anxiety for the first few weeks when I'm already more anxious than I have ever been in my life ever... yeah. Maybe SSRIs aren't it.

Okay, back to the doctor's next Monday...

[rowanhoney]

Fr might just go full hermit mode

[valleysofdolls]

istg i’ve never seen a valid reason used by someone explained why they hate sasuke.

90% of the time it’s basically them saying he didn’t react to trauma the way they wanted him to (or doing trauma olympics using naruto, gaara, kakashi, etc as examples of “thEIr TrAUmA DiDN’t TUrN thEm iNtO aSSHOLes”)

5% is again, using very valid trauma from a 7 year old witnessing the death of their entire clan by their brother and being forced to relive it for 3 days, as a way to say he’s “too edgy and emo”

and the other 5% is used by shippers (mainly SS), shaming him for not reciprocating feelings he never felt for the other character

[moipale]

you can have it but only if you ask for it

[griffinkid]

I was gonna do a nice aesthetic picture of pacis and plushies and write a thoughtful caption about "regression looks like this sometimes" re: sad/trauma regressors deserving a valid place in agere spaces but I'm actually just too tired and sad to want to stage anything or take pictures or even get out of bed, so actually, regression looks like this sometimes

I will be fine. I didn't want to post this because I didn't want anyone to worry, or for me to look overdramatic, or anything like that. But then I realised that by continuing to not post when I feel like this, I'm adding to the stigma/perception that you can only ever show your regression when it's fun or cutesy or appealing, and I don't want to add to the very stigma I've spoken out against before, so here we are, this is the post

[dragons-hoard-of-fandoms]

I see y'all with your Quiet One Lloyd AUs and I raise you:

AU where Lloyd never met the Ninja again after their initial encounter in Jamanakai Village. He ran off before he could fall into the Hypnobrai tomb, so no one, least of all the Hypnobrai themselves, have any idea how or why it opened.

Couple years down the line, the Ninja (who still have no idea who the Green Ninja is) are getting their butts handed to them by a mysterious masked stranger, wielding an unknown element in the form of some sort of destructive, green-and-purple energy. An out-of-breath Kai angrily demands to know who this guy is, prompting the assailant to dramatically pull off his hood and mask and say,

"What, you've hung so many kids from roofs you can't even remember all of them?"

[woolying]

"she would not wear that" ok but she can look a little cute for her birthday

HAPPY PEKO DAY!!!@!

[emberglowfox]

being obsessed with an oc story is such a different experience than i understood before mine. ESPECIALLY if its a story you want to tell and therefore can't 'spoil'. it's much much different from a fandom fixation, in my opinion. like.

i have poured my heart and soul into this story and i am unbelievably proud of it. it's been over a year and it's still not finished and i feel like i've gotten nowhere. content of it brings me immeasurable joy. i have to make all of that content myself, or pay for it, or get incredibly lucky when people get interested enough to draw some themselves. i think about it for literal hours a day, almost every day. i can't think about anything else. people talking about it with me is one of the most joyful experiences i've had. i think i've fully exhausted the people close to me with it and i don't blame them. this is maybe the most dedicated i've ever been to something. i don't share interests with my friends anymore and i'm scared i'll fall out of relevance. i created these characters. i feel like they're real. i came up with this plot thread. the characters told me it would happen, and i had little say. they're me. they're not. i feel like it's controlling me. i let it. it lives in my head in the realest, most physical sense. i let it. i love it. i won't leave. i can't leave. i'm not sure anymore if i'm the spider, the web, or the fly

[fixing-bad-comic-art]

just like a quick heads up and bit of housekeeping, for "I was raised Catholic and by fucking God does that mess you up" and "over the years people have made exceptionay kind offers" reasons, going forward I'm going to try to be more active on this blog and with every edit I'm going to be including"like my stuff? support me here" links. Those links will always lead back to various charities helping folk in places like Sudan, the Congo, and Palestine. I'd Uber appreciate it if y'all lent them your kindness instead of directing it at me and preferably played along with the bit however best suits you.

[harmonicabisexuals]

so fucking funny that armand, an all-powerful 500 year old vampire who can fly, alter memories, and mind control managed to "i'm just a girlllll 🥺👉👈" his way out of any responsibility for the trial and claudia's death for 77 years and it WORKED

[bogkeep]

my luggage is delayed and i had a cute little breakdown about it which i attribute to having been on very long airplane travel from literally the opposite side of the earth,, the luggage service people were very kind about it and gave me a glass of water while gendering me correctly also. it's gonna get fixed. i have two hi-chews left i'm going to be okay

[americankimchi]

tcw is so good at introducing us to characters and bite-sized stories that capture our attention and so, SO bad at following even a modicum of logic when it comes to the consequences of actions under military law

[braceletofteeth]

When society is robbed of Khabkluen moments as a dentistry student... JoongDunk to the rescue!

[lorelune]

hey fellas and folks i have been meaning to write something up about this but haven't known where to start or where i'll end up. but i DO feel like it deserves addressing.

(having my joker moment joker moment)

i really love this niche. i found a home in it during a very difficult time in my life, and have found many friends and lasting irl connections from the writings shared and conversations had. this place is so incredibly, INCREDIBLY dear to me. despite going through many horrors (tm) while in this community, i continue to stay because there is a lot about it that i love.

however, in the last... i don't know, year or so? there has been such an abundance of discourse, gossip and drama both publicly and privately that has exhausted me to no end. these things have always existed, they always will, but in the past year they have felt so draining and despairing that it has made finding the same comfort and joy in this community is hard. a lot of times, impossible!

one of the things that genuinely makes me SO sad is the tags. i made most of my lasting friendships in this niche but seeing a writing in the tags that i enjoyed and dming the author and shouting together. i have found so many great writers in the tags, and i still crawl around them today looking for fic!! HOWEVER. i find it difficult, not just because of the abundance of vague smut-related comphet posts with a slew of character names underneath from unrelated fandoms (to each there own but it isn't a posting style i enjoy!) but moreso because of the INSANE number of posts by antis that get thrown into the tags. main tags, character tags, x reader tags. it is so deeply disheartening to be looking for fic to enjoy and get jump scared by a posts saying horrible things about those who enjoy dark content. respectfully if you're above the age of eighteen and looking for writing on tumblr dot gov, i HIIIIGHLYY recommend using your literacy to first read ANY article or study summary about human psychology and sexuality and why fantasy does not equal what someone actual desires! signed a sex-repulsed ace spec mf who writes and enjoys smut. hate to use myself as example, but i hate even more to see folks in the tags be puritanical and pro-censorship under the guise of progressive ideology.

i want to say that there are parties within this niche that are CONSISTENTLY at the center of drama and conflict. no matter what fandom, no matter the url changes and lurking, they are there and its the same mfs. this is a complete vague, as i'm sure the parties in involved in the targeted harassment and ensuing drama do not know who i am, nor know that i know. but i DO <3, and so do plenty of other writers in our niche who have politely blocked and left you alone. do us all a fucking favor and do the same, instead of instigating harassment and being hateful cunts.

in this vein, in my closer circle, i know that these events (especially in the last six months) have caused folks to become conspiratorial and assume bad faith. i understand this is a protective measure because folks have gone through the wringer. however it makes me so sad to see what is often folks who likely do not know any context or horrors of the community, be painted so poorly in casual conversations when most of the time, communication is made to create a connection, not to start a fight.

i find myself reflecting on WHY i have come to not feel comfortable in this community. why i don't enjoy writing the same way, why i don't feel the same security i once felt, why i get so damn nervous to post a silly thought or thirst on main, and i find myself coming back to these experiences and the subsequent fear that follows. perhaps i am a weak-hearted coward, but i find it hard to find joy when i feel surrounded by constant negativity and genuine cruelty. it is hard to want to share any of myself when i am so deeply aware that whether it is strangers or people i have become close to, what i enjoy and what i choose to express and share can be so easily twisted into something it is not.

i know it would be easier if i had a thicker skin, or felt secure enough that this didn't bother me, but part of the core problem is that this community has made me insecure. it's a loop. it is one that makes me genuinely sad, as this place once felt so much like home. i know it still can be, but it certainly won't be sitting here, starting at blank documents and text posts wondering to myself 'why can't i just put words on paper' while i have the cortisol levels of a prey animal.

i'm not sure if other folks have felt similarly, or find themselves in the same point. however if you do, or you find yourself resonating, here's to feeling seen 🥂

- papa salami (lore) 🌙

[volfoss]

i think honestly what irritates me about yoshidas work SO much is that people will tell you that banana fish is THE gay manga (ignoring the many things that came before it and were more groundbreaking, ie MW literally having on screen (or like. on panel but still.) gay sex in it and that came out like a decade before BF did) when there really isn't barely any gay rep outside of the pedophiles and the one time ash drops the f slur. like im sorry but somehow yasha, a work she wrote in 1996, has more gay rep in it but also has the same issues.

i truly do not get how people can enjoy banana fish with the rampant racism every 2 pages or the rampant sexual assault plotlines (on women and ash bc he is just... written like how yoshida writes women lmao) that are handled IMPOSSIBLY bad and sincerely i hoped yasha would be better because it had been like a decade or so between works. and then it proceeds to continue with the heres our blonde genius protagonist who everyone is weird as fuck to and will sexually harrass and everyone finds it a VERY funny joke to point out how feminine he is when theres barely any women in the work (if you exclude the ones that are being raped/killed/creepy to minors. which to be fair yasha has toned down the sa a LOT) and that its funny that hes kind of gay except not really!! and its just absurd to me how it just persists in all of her stuff because she is not an author that handles gay stuff well. like the scene in banana fish where ash is completely ok getting gang raped and did it solely to get into the hospital when its been SHOWN that he has a lot of trauma with that. and then right after his friend makes a joke at ash's expense about that. like sincerely and genuinely is this what we are hyping up as the old retro gay manga. go read some tezuka and stop reading shit that the most the main characters do is share a kiss in a nonromantic sense and is obsessed w making every gay person be evil!!