#for paying for my therapy lmao

[pendwelling]

save me from the fires of hell.

[esmes]

[shima-draws]

Me: Oh god. It's time for our company's yearly performance review. Where my boss will judge my performance over the past year and see how awful I am at my job and--

My boss: You're doing such a great job and I'm so happy you're here <3

Me:

[vibingforjudaism]

I need a therapist who I can argue with and who will give me jewish advice ....a rabbi. I need a rabbi

[eternallovers65]

Me needing to go to sleep because of uni

Tubbo, Jaiden, Tina and Foolish about to hit 8 hours straight streaming

[iscariotapologist]

hang on since i defeated the monster of driving myself somewhere maybe i can go to church or something for the first time in like five years.......

[dire-kumori]

I hope you don’t mind me responding to your tags in a new post, @lonelyfreddles​. I just really wanted to say something, but I was worried the post was getting a bit long.

I like to think it could be a bit of both: Evan has moments of lucidity where he’s not so bad and the bloodlust isn’t so intense, but even then he can’t help but enjoy wielding some of that same power over Michael that Michael once held over him. Maybe he feels some small amount of guilt over it but reasons that he’s not really doing anything so bad to Mikey, just playing with him and showing him the kind of brotherly relationship they could have had all along if Mikey had been just a bit nicer. But then at other times all the pain and the terror and the betrayal just come flooding back and as a spirit ruled almost entirely by the emotions he felt during his death he loses his sense of self to hatred for the source of those negative emotions.

And perhaps Michael believes if he lets Evan take those emotions out on him, take his revenge, he’ll finally be able to move on peacefully and rest like he deserves to. Or maybe Michael’s just telling himself that to make it easier to deal with the fact that he’s likely not going to get out of this situation alive...

[sappho-favourite-pupil]

Me: *prepares dinner for herself, chopping vegetables with a huge knife*

My intrusive thoughts: "now lick it, lick the damn knife, see if you can manage to cut your tongue"

[reki-rixt]

I feel like at this point I’m not even willingly watching Miraculous, I just randomly see edits on Instagram, check the comments, and go “there’s no fucking way that happened”

And then I have no choice but to watch the show to see if the nonsense is true (it always is)

[singedbutter]

.

[redrockbutch]

The Group Therapy Debacle:

This was not my first group therapy rodeo. If you look back on my tumblr archive, you'll notice the singular 6mo absence where I was in residential treatment for Troubled Youths. On the scale of Troubled Youth Industry, I would say it was pretty low. It still wasn't great and there's a lot of stuff I'm still unpacking from that, but we slept indoors and they fed us 3x a day, so. Could've been way worse there.

It continually blows my mind that this group therapy experience, The Group Therapy Experience, was less helpful to my mental health than the one that happened when I was living with teens who had been kidnapped in the night and didn't want to be there.

My living situation at the time was really, really bad. I didn't have any relief from my mental or physical symptoms, or my [redacted]. I was begging anyone I talked to for tools to help process and guide what I was going through. With that in mind, my therapist at the time (also bad) managed to get me a spot in a Group Therapy Telehealth To Learn Skills. It was a specific program but I'm not gonna name it (iykyk) because I'm fairly sure my experience was unusually bad. I know there are much worse things to have happened to people, but when I was literally begging every single mental health professional I talked to to please point me in the right direction because I was terrified I was going to hurt myself, it was genuinely and truly infuriating. So much for "asking for help" and all of that!! I might be alive out of spite about this bullshit tbqh.

When I called to be admitted to the program, I asked the person on the phone for confirmation: this is just like a normal class, right? I won't be expected to interact with anyone else there. I've been in group therapy like that (Troubled Teen Therapy) and I didn't want my therapy to be held up by someone who didn't want to be there, particularly when I was paying a lot of money for it. They confirmed that in no way would I be required to interact with anyone else there. This was a complete and total lie :) Most of the therapy was either interacting with strangers or dissociating while they went over the homework with the group leaders. Everyone hated this. It was so fucking uncomfortable and useless, and I doubt I was the only one who avoided talking about my real problems in front of 7 random strangers who didn't want to hear about them.

Everyone in the program talked a big game about how if someone isn't learning something, the program is the issue and not the patient. When I expressed this to my individual therapist, she gave me the silent treatment until I apologized, and then told me to try being less negative about wasting 3 hours of my life per week and a lot of money on something that was not helping me

If someone didn't do the homework, nobody cared, but in the weirdest and most specific way. The homework was required for understanding what they were teaching, but "understanding what they were teaching and applying it to life" seemed to be pretty low on the priorities, since we never got through lessons at all. Nobody made sure you understood what was going on or asked if there was anything that would make the homework easier. They just publicly shamed you and demanded to know which of Your Issues made the homework impossible and how you're going to make sure that never ever happens again, bc this is your healing on the line!!! They did not seem to be aware of the fact that I cannot use the coping skills I've learned to help make sure I finish the homework when they haven't fully taught any coping skills :)

The group leaders had clear and obvious favorites. They would spend much more time with them talking about anything, and scold the rest of us if we ever piped up. One time I typed a joke in chat to be less disruptive (after several Favorites had been joking aloud and holding up the lesson) and was immediately told to pay attention and stop being disrespectful

I was mocked for not being able to drive as a disabled person. Most of the group laughed. Group leaders did nothing.

Same person frequently made connections between intelligence and straight As and was never corrected. It's honestly very sad to me, because there were times this person was clearly and obviously crying out for help and to view themselves as more than a Strong Academic; their grades had suffered in the wake of a traumatic incident and they now felt worthless. The group leaders encouraged them to stick to their standards of only viewing good students as humans worthy of love bc that was Their Viewpoint uwu

Several people passed through the program and finished it, and during their goodbyes all of them said they felt like they didn't know enough and weren't ready to leave bc they didn't really understand the skills. The group leaders went, "awww!" as though this was cute, and not someone saying to their faces that they were terrible at their job

Every example they had to teach the skills was the most namby pamby little oopsie. "Ohhh I wanted to go to work but there was an icky spider in my car! I don't have a phobia but I think they're kinda gross teehee. What could I have done in this impossible situation???" was literally one of the example situations used. I could never see how their examples of how to apply the skills could possibly apply to my life where I was battling PTSD, chronic pain, and [redacted]. They seemed shocked to hear that their teaching methods didn't really scale to severe traumas

When I wanted to get in touch w the group leaders to talk privately about some of my concerns as opposed to in the middle of group with people who had been ableist directly to my fucking face, I was treated like I was stalking them and this was dangerous and scary. When I was given their emails, it was stressed like 8 times that THEY DON'T USUALLY DO THIS!!! Weird that you don't usually allow people to discuss issues privately !

When I was able to find someone who did skills training individually as opposed to in a group (which was actually helpful and I loved her), I informed The Group of this and they told me they were going to keep charging the card on file even if I didn't show up. They called this a compromise.

When I finally fucking left forever I told them that I felt I had been taken advantage of financially, that them refusing to stop charging my card had made my life genuinely dangerous, and their services were far, far from financially accessible. In response, one of the group leaders told me I'd be welcome to rejoin the program if I wanted

And to cap it all off, I was told several times that this specific program/form of therapy was "the only hope I had"

I have since learned that this type of therapy is useless/possibly extra harmful when you are actively experiencing trauma, and yet none of the mental health professionals involved saw a problem w the stuff I described in my life. I truly feel like they scammed me, and given that I had no source of income at the time and was getting kicked out of my housing, personally I find that Genuinely Evil :)

[rubiatinctorum]

i feel with all this talk about 'old money aesthetic' and 'quiet luxury' (the latter of which seems like a rebranding of what i was seeing being called 'classic' style these past few years before) there's a lot of things being said about logos and all that and there seems to be this idea now that "Logos On Clothing Are Bad Because It Shows You Don't Get Wealth From Your Sus Greatx6 Grandparents" but it is severely annoying because all of us bitches who developed an aversion to logo fashion from being unable to afford them while peers could during formative periods and therefore formed our fashion philosophy around their absence have to adapt improvise overcome lest someone see we don't like brand logo fashion and decide that we're like the manifestation of super classism or something

[chaotictomtom]

saw a total stranger on the streets and smth hit me like a rock and im kinda tiptoeing everything rn cos im scared it triggered an alter and. feels bad man!!!!

[jvzebel-x]

❄️☃️❄️

[goldpilot22]

yesterday I got 3 cavities filled and the sound of the dentist drill was very high pitched and painful (even though I had my headphones on and music going) and I thought it would worsen my tinnitus but it actually seems to have lessened it??? I don't know how that works but I've got another appointment in exactly a month to get more cavities fixed and I'm now really happy about that

[chamaleonsoul]