#for raph especially. it's something he still struggles to process

[qoldenskies]

#someone should e-turtle sunshine of the spotless mind him <3

PLEASE WRITE THAT?

listen ... im just thinking about the scenes in CL they DIDN'T get to see. how do you think raph would feel seeing donnie call for him on the laundry room floor

[emeraldtortoiseshell]

During Leo’s ptsd arc what if instead of splinter it was Raph Leo lost control with and stabbed? 👀

...

That's not something I'd ever thought about before, but it raises some interesting questions.

We've seen how distraught Raph was when he almost lost it and hurt Mikey with a metal pipe. To have it flipped to be Raph on the receiving end would be an interesting alternative.

I think, immediately after it happened, there would be a stunned silence in the lair. Leo just staring at Raph with huge, unbelieving eyes. Raph staring back, more surprised than hurt. Donnie, Mikey and Splinter staring at them both in shock.

Then chaos would erupt. The others would rush to Raph's side like they did for Splinter. Raph would probably be trying to wave them off and convince them he's fine, because, let's face it, he's Raph :)

Leo's reaction would be different, I think. Attacking and hurting his Sensei gave him a jolt of realisation that he'd become someone he never wanted to be. Whilst I'm not saying that wouldn't happen if he hurt Raph, I think the incident would have pushed him further into his dark spiral, rather than bringing him up short.

03 Leo and Raph spar. A lot. Maybe not as often as other interactions, or as often as fandom likes to suggest. But they still fight. So, I think if Leo hurt Raph while fighting him, it would just reinforce in Leo's mind how much he's failing, and push him under even more. He'd get even angrier, even more judgemental of himself and everyone around him. And he'd be even harder to reach than before.

Raph, on the other hand, I think would understand. Sure, he'd yell at Leo for being an idiot. But he'd see the same pain in Leo that he saw in himself when he almost seriously hurt Mike. He'd understand.

Raph would probably go out of his way to reach Leo (once his family has patched him up and stopped hovering over him anxiously). He finally has a grasp on what Leo's going through, and he wants to help before Leo burns himself to ashes.

But Leo would close off, especially to Raph. They really would become the "fights all the time" brothers, now. Leo would keep pushing Raph away, and Raph would refuse to take no for an answer.

I think Splinter would still send Leo away. He'd go through the same recognition that Leo needs help that his family is too close to him to provide. Everything else would play out much the same.

Except.

When Leo finally finds himself again, he'd struggle to process his grief and guilt at having stabbed his own brother. The Ancient One would help him, just as I believe he helped Leo cope with the guilt over wounding Splinter. But this might go deeper even than that.

Raph is his brother. As much as Leo adores his father, he has a special bond with his brothers that transcends all else. So for him to seriously injure one of them would be an unforgivable sin to Leo.

I can see Leo being really awkward around Raph when they finally settle down in their new lair. Maybe he even outright avoids Raph. But Raph, in his usual way, won't stand for that.

He tracks Leo down and confronts him. They have another argument, but instead of a screaming match, it's Raph yelling at an unusually subdued Leo. Finally, Leo breaks and, with his voice cracking, apologises for almost killing his brother.

That pulls Raph up short. The fire goes out. The two of them stand there in silence. Leo's guilt is drowning him. He thinks there's no way he can ever make up for what he did. But then Raph collides with him, pulling Leo into a crushing hug, and in a voice full of affection, calls his brother a "moron".

Slowly, surely, their relationship as brothers starts to get fixed, only this time, it's stronger than before.

[spoopyblues214]

IKEA

A ficlet about a dream I had where I went to ikea with the disaster twins. Second person, you decide if it's platonic or romantic I don't know lmao

Also to the ask I got, requests are open! Yours will be next and to anyone else who's interested just send an ask

Word count: 610

°•.•°

You walked through the entrance with the two turtles, only for Leo to take your hand and pull you along. Apparently, you hadn't been walking fast enough for the slider. In turn you grabbed onto Donnie's arm, making him fumble his phone before holding it with just his free hand and giving you the other one to hold. When Leo slowed, he swung your hands back and forth, which you gladly attributed to. Donnie rubbed circles and lines onto the back of your hand as the two of you walked, but he didn't look up from his phone.

Every now and then Leo would break away and come back to show a silly trinket or make a pun on the swedish name for an item, which had you smiling and rolling your eyes. Donnie didn't gain any interest until the displays turned into example rooms, which is where he began to split off and mumble to himself about the decor. You'd follow, stand next to him and rock on your heels unless you felt like picking up a smaller thing to inspect in the fake bedrooms. Once you got to the display kitchens, Donnie got this strange look in his eye, and you couldn't decipher it until he spoke.

"Shelldon's been struggling processing things lately, though I'm sure you wouldn't know anything about that."

I had to try very hard to keep from smiling, before replying, "I'm not the one keeping him from recharging his energy at night, working on hundreds of unfinished projects."

He failed at hiding his smirk about the fact that you were in on the joke, but still continued, "oh, I'M the one keeping him from recharging? Maybe if you didn't get him sucked in to all those video games-"

"You're upset with me for rewarding good behavior? Don, when I'm not around he's miserable," the argument had been started, and the fake anger providing entertainment from passersby was rewarding.

It was especially fun for the two of you to walk the tightrope that the little drone could be an actual kid. Leonardo had come by with wooden birds on metal wire legs only to almost drop them at the shouting match the two of you had gotten into. Though, after his jaw un-dropped, he was losing his shit, trying not to laugh and fighting an uphill battle whenever someone passed by and made faces at the two of you arguing. He made damn sure to take pictures to laugh at later. The two of you came to the conclusion that Donnie would stop keeping Shelldon operating even if he was still working on something after twelve am. You would have to stop pampering him for every little thing, even if you were the only one who did so for the little drone.

You took both your turtles hands and led them to the cafeteria, where Donnie had just the meatballs, you had yours with gravy, and Leo had his with the lingonberry sauce. When Leo was done he kept stealing your mashed potatoes, so Donnie gave you his after you ran out. After lunch you all made for the exit, Leo still appearing with random items that caught his interest, though he stopped with the puns. You were easily distracted as Donnie went and paid for something.

Once out the door, the slider teleported all of you back to the layer, where you were scooped up by Raph for a movie night. Later that night you found a stuffed turtle on you bed that looked a little derpy, the tag labeled "BLÅVINGAD." How the twins had managed to sneak it past you was a mystery.

[godless1999]

Joji - Nectar

Brothers and Dateables + Raphael

(i never finished this so im just posting it bc i can't look at it anymore. enjoy.)

Asmodeus: Modus

i cannot stop, i cannot cry

i will not fret, i will not die

i am machine, i stay alive

... i don't feel the way they programmed me to feel today

i feel like this song really fits asmodeus, and is extremely representative of his internal struggles. the position he's been forced into, the narcissism and pain and doubt he struggles with and has struggled with for so long. everyone expects him to be perfect, and he probably feels like god still tries to control him. he feels so controlled, so robotic. and it's killing him.

an interesting thing to note is the definition of the word modus and how close it is to his name.

the definition of the word modus is "the process by which a machine completes an automatic action" or, when used with operandi, "the way in which a criminal or individual completes their crimes or actions".

how that relates to asmodeus is so obvious and intricate. he is technically a criminal bc he is a demon, and so god views him as a criminal. and so do the angels. and he feels as if he is a machine bc of the way he has to portray himself as an idol. it's all too much to bear. and it's his constant struggle.

Satan: Run

i fell for your magic, i tasted your skin

and though this is tragic, at least i found the end

i witness your madness, you shed light on my sins

and if we share in this sadness, then where have you been?

this song i feel perfectly represents satan's anger and depression. why he comes off like a snuffed out candle, so quiet and mild. keeps to himself. i really see him as someone who has suffered a severely broken heart. and it's made him become reclusive and turn away from the world.

the way the music sounds also helped with my decision. that rock solo really nailed it in.

also the fact that sadness and anger are such close emotions to each other, and they can easily manifest as each other, especially in a mentally unstable individual. it could also represent panic in him.

Leviathan: Sanctuary

if you've been waiting for falling in love

babe you don't have to wait on me

cuz i've been aiming for heaven above

but an angel ain't what i need

... cuz what you want is what i want, sincerity

this song though. honestly a banger. and it fits levi so well.

just the way i feel like he'd react to falling in love with someone who genuinely loved him. after spending so long alone and lonely with no one to share his time with. it would be truly like heaven to him.

with how envious he is of happiness, it would be such a shock, and a beautiful one, for him to find someone who truly understands him and loves him.

Lucifer: Nitrous

guess i've been awake, thinking bout our fate

fighting two devils, blood in my toothpaste

spit into the night, thought it would be nice

you just made me nervous, you were cold as ice

won't go too in depth about this one but i definitely get lucifer's vibes from this. he seems like a hot and cold lover. someone who plays hard to get while secretly yearning for you so hard. down bad as fuck.

Raphael: Normal People

so tell me if i'm mad

there's something in your laugh

that makes me fear the way you smile

raph being understandably on his guard around both demons and his fellow angels bc of how psycho and fake all of them are, and how quickly all of them will turn on you. he knows it's at the drop of a hat. living in a den of snakes.

Belphegor: 777

Solomon: Reanimator

Mammon: Like You Do

Simeon: Tick Tock

Barbatos: Daylight

Diavolo: Upgrade

Beelzebub: Pretty Boy

[redstringraven]

found this while moving posts between blogs and wanted to do it for raphneth. a bit of self-indulgence, as a treat.

send me a pairing and I’ll tell you who:

falls asleep on the couch

they both do. gwyn has little to no "sleep structure/schedule", and she basically only sleeps when she decides she needs it. the turtles are usually active at night, whereas gwyn can only be human-passing during the day, so she might snag sleep according to how she intends to spend her time. by the time she and raph are dating she's comfortable sleeping around anyone who lives in the lair, so grabbing naps on the couch instead of on her cot (or eventual bed) is no issue. sometimes she even prefers it. raph has just slightly more structure to his sleep schedule due to regular training sessions, but he's not too much better. for the most part he prefers sleeping in his room/in his hammock, but if he happens across gwyn dozing on the couch, he'll flop down with her. there's also a period during gwyn/ash's story-arc where he severely struggles with sleep and tends to grab naps on the couch or in places around family members, so he doesn't wake up alone.

makes friends with the neighbors

surprisingly? i'd say raph. it's no secret raph's ran into a human or three and wound up befriending them in one way or another while he's out getting some air. raph's prickly, sure, but he's willing to take pause and help those who can't help themselves, sometimes forming relationships in the process. gwyn is sus of any and everyone by default, and this hesitation to 'make friends' sticks around for a good long while even after 'her story' winds down. if leo's the one usually willing to help any and everyone while raph searches for any strings attached, raph is the helper now and gwyn is the one scrutinizing potential ulterior motives. gwyn is more than aware of how genuinely kind the boys are (she has first-hand experience), and their sincere generosity and selflessness will NOT be taken advantage of; not on her watch. (she is especially protective of leo in this regard, as leo tends to extend compassion and an open hand toward those who don't deserve it). this, of course, isn't to say gwyn won't eventually grow to like said 'neighbors'. just, if raph's slow to 'open up', she tends to be much slower. with a handful of exceptions to the rule.

is the adventurous eater

they both are, but gwyn slightly more-so. i think both raph and gwyn have gone through periods of their life where they didn't have the privilege to be picky about what they ate. raph's was likely more in his youth/early years when splinter was the only one responsible for feeding them, and it faded out at least a little as the boys became more capable of finding and getting food for themselves--as well as meeting casey and april. gwyn's period of food insecurity was much more recent, and she sometimes still behaves as though access to food will be taken away from her. the reason i say gwyn might be the more adventurous eater is primarily because gwyn has more experience with food across the universe. raph might hesitate a bit if something foreign is put down in front of him, questioning if it's actually food (i'm sure he remembers mikey getting food and floor wax confused), whereas gwyn would go "yeah it's food" and shove it in her mouth without pause. i imagine raph would also struggle with bugs being common snacks in various cultures; gwyn wouldn't bat an eye.

hogs the covers at night

raph. gwyn's not only used to colder climates and environments, she prefers them. she doesn't mind raph cocooning himself in whatever blanket they have; she'll usually end up curling around him, too, so her body heat provides a bit more warmth.

forgets to do the dishes

neither of them 'forget'. raph will do the dishes when it's his turn in the family rotation, and gwyn will fill in for mikey when mikey """"forgets"""" to do the dishes (or argues that since he cooked, he doesn't have to do them).

tries to surprise their partner more often

neither? i don't think either of them really go out of their way to create a surprise, the surprise element comes more from that they, individually, just didn't expect certain gestures. like. gwyn bringing raph home a bouquet of flowers. to her this is an obvious gesture--the flowers reminded her of him, her culture values plant-life and she values him--but raph is kind of taken aback by it (in a very good way). outside of situations like that, neither of them are too fond of surprises nor enjoy being surprised. and they know this about each other, so... they simply do not try.

leaves dirty laundry on the floor

gwyn, mostly on account of being the only one who really has 'laundry' to leave on the floor. she's usually pretty good about at least keeping it to one place if it's not already where it's "supposed to be". raph doesn't like wearing clothes that much, but he has a punching bag he slings his biking jacket over when he's not using it.

stays up til 2 AM reading

neither of them are big enough readers for reading to be the reason they're up at 2am.

sings in the shower

raph. it's canon. this dumbass sings in the shower. while song is a huge aspect of liáfsian culture, gwyn tends to be utterly silent in the shower. it's a vulnerable position to be in, and she tends to be as 'small and quiet' as she can be when doing things like that, as well as doing it as quickly as she can. get in, get out. done. as the years pass, however, i can see her easing up enough to start humming or singing liáfsian songs while in the shower IF raph is nearby. him being in earshot/in the room provides an element of security, because nothing can sneak up on her. raph also starts learning aspects of liáfsian culture and language as the years pass, too, so he might even know a few songs. he's obviously not the stronger singer of the two, but. who cares? it's nice.

takes the selfies

i don't think either of them like having their picture taken, so they aren't a couple who takes selfies. if they're going to appear in photos, it's going to be because someone else is taking photos of them, like bree or april. during gwyn's story-arc, she hates having photos of her taken and will either hide the photos or destroy them outright. post-story, she's a bit more relaxed about it but might get twitchy if a camera comes out OR if she realizes someone took a photo of her without telling her first. raph can get grouchy about it, but the people who would be taking pictures of him in the first place are people he already trusts and loves.

plans date night

they rarely 'plan' dates. usually their dates are just like "hey, y'wanna hang?" "yeah, sure." and they head out on either foot or on the shell-cycle. every now and again one of them will have a loose 'plan' or maybe a sense of direction/something specific they want to introduce the other to, but for the most part they just kind of see where the wind takes them.

[los-ninos-tortugas]

Shooting this off real quick before I get back to schoolwork but it’s kinda fun to think of hypothetical scenarios where instead of Donnie, one of the other brothers ends up on Voyager. Donnie gets the Voyager treatment because to me it makes the most sense (i.e. I am constantly rotating him in my brain) but I still can’t stop myself from going through the what-if’s.

Raph is very interesting in this scenario because 1) if he starts out in the same place I put Donnie (i.e. random desert planet) then there is the chance that Voyager crew might find him while he’s Savage Raph and it would probably take a decent amount of convincing for him to come back to himself. But from there on you have Raph, a gentle giant getting used to life on a ship where probably for the first time in his life he feels a little too big. He would still find Voyager to be incredibly cool though, although more in the way that he’s a fan of Jupiter Jim and sci-fi than actually being super interested in the tech itself like Donnie is. I think Raph would probably idolize Janeway quite a bit in a way that, at first, might make it hard to form a genuine connection, but I think that as time goes on (and as perhaps the gravity of both his and Voyager’s predicament dawns on him) he’ll start to see and appreciate Janeway for who she really is. I also think Raph would make a somewhat unexpected connection with B’Elanna. I feel like these two would click very well on an emotional level you know? I feel like they would just get each other, because they're both characters who struggle with processing their emotions and so everything just kinda gets filtered into anger/aggression. I also think that it would be interesting if they got to explore their feelings on being diaspora together? Because they're both characters who have been severely disconnected from their culture/heritage in some way (B'Elanna with her rejection of everything Klingon in the face of her father's abandonment. And Raph with having his Hamato heritage kept from him by his father) and I always felt like B'Elanna never really got super healthy or satisfying way to explore the Klingon side of herself in the show so maybe getting to talk it through with someone who has literally no preconceived notions about her heritage, and Raph getting to talk through his probably very complicated feelings about the things his father hid from him could be something interesting for them to do together.

Then there's Leo (don't look out the window. don't look out the window. it's fine it's fine. you're in space and it's cool. you're not there.) He would definitely find Voyager to be very impressive, and I think very much like Raph he would idolize Janeway when he first meets her, though I think he would break out of that idolization a lot faster than Raph, and especially once he actually hears the story of how Voyager got stranded in the Delta quadrant. It would be incredibly conflicting for him to say the least, I think, to find out that there's something about Janeway that so closely mirrors probably the one thing he's most ashamed of. At least it would to his mind, and Janeway certainly has a guilt complex about the likes of which are usually given to Leo in most fanfics, but I still think he would see her as the kind of leader he would want to be, and he'd probably not so subtly try to probe her for advice, which I think would eventually lead them down the rabbit whole a very meaningful conversation about the choices/mistakes they've made. It would be really cathartic for them both. In the same vein of unexpected friendships/some misplaced idolization, I just know that Leo would be following Tom around like a duckling. A starship pilot who's funny, likes corny sci-fi and cartoons, and is the ship's secondary medic? It's like this guy was made for Leo to like him. Tom has the sort of "rebel without a cause" flair that Leo wishes he had. But at the same time Tom is sort of... rudderless? Before he and B'Elanna get married (and even a little bit after but less so) Tom struggles a lot with who he is vs. what his duties on Voyager need him to be (and if you know Tom's full backstory you know why this is). And now there's this kid around who just thinks he is like the coolest guy ever. And either Tom is gonna get the most annoying ego boost out of it or he's gonna think about this persona he's been projecting for the past 4.5 years for more than .02 seconds for once and have a whole ass identity crisis about it (and then Leo gets to have an identity crisis about it cuz, "wait? carefree attitude fake? he cares about everything so much all the goddamn time? oh no not again I have recognized myself in the other FUCK).

Mikey is straight chillin. (I'm sorry even in meta theory Mikey is hard for me to write I'm trying I swear T-T) Okay well, actually now that I've thought about it for a minute I realize that he probably super wouldn't be, because unlike with the rest of the boys, who kind of are surrendered to the fact that they have to wait for Voyager to find a scientific way to get them home, Mikey would probably feel a lot of (self imposed) pressure to get himself home and probably get continually frustrated the longer he can't do it on his own. It'd probably be straight up enraging for him if it got to a point where the Doctor medically forbids Mikey from attempting to make himself a portal home because he keeps injuring himself in the process. But still, ever the eternal optimist he'll still find ways to enjoy his time on Voyager even if he is frustrated about his circumstances. You just know that he's always down in the kitchen with Neelix cooking up alien recipes and loving it (and not for nothing, the crew does appreciate having someone who can accurately remake recipes from earth). I honestly think Neelix and Mikey would get along super well, and have a sort of laid back mentor & mentee relationship. I think more than anything Mikey would really enjoy the exploration aspect of Voyager, both for "whoa cool alien planets" but also I think it really gels with his own belief in finding the good in everything. Voyager is in a tough situation but the crew isn't giving up who they are in the process of getting home, and I think that's something Mikey would really admire.

hmm okay that's all I can think of on this right now.

[faetaiity]

Hallo, hate to bother ya but is it okay if I request poly turtles (dark au or normal) x y/n who like physical affection but is kinda selective about affection (don’t know how to describe it, kinda like Donnie I guess).

You don’t have to, just wondering!

Two posts within a week?? wow I might actually get back to a decent schedule, hopefully. I went with Normal! bc I have so much shit for Dark AU, I just wanna appreciate my original boys, y'know? (also, I'm fucking around with how my posts look, so, sorry abt that besties :'}) I left the cause of Reader's Selective Affection/Selective Touch up to interpretation but it's mainly written for those who get overstimulated (ASD)

✩ Poly! Rise! Turtles x GN! Selectively Affectionate! Reader ✩

Post Format: Headcanons

CW/TW: angst for Leo's areas and possible hints of Mikey guilt tripping you unintentionally at the end

✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

They actually take it pretty well once it's explained to them.

Donnie takes it the easiest, obviously, But Raph also takes it generally well, maybe not as well as Donnie but that's to be expected tbh, I can't decide who would take it the worst though, definitely Mikey or Leo, though.

Now that I think about it, Leo probably takes it worse but gets over it VERY quickly

Why?

Donnie. Donnie will actually beat his twin's ass over it, understanding how it feels to be touched when you don't want to be (even if your issues don't stem from overstimulation.)

But Mikey very rarely gets punished from it due to baby sibling privileges, it'll take him longer to respect that boundary, especially if you don't regularly enforce it with him.

Now that's not to say that he doesn't respect it, it's just, like Leo, he's a very touchy person affection-wise, his preferred choice of showing love is physical touch.

He'll end up stopping all-together until you tell him it's okay, until then? Surprise hugs from behind!

I'll get more into them now, that's just the things that came to mind immediately.

Raph respects it, he might mess up a little bit every once in a while, and he apologizes profusely once it happens

Because while he definitely respects your boundaries 1000%, his usual form of affection is physical touch, but he'll try to find other ways! It'll just take a bit :}

Donnie definitely respects it, scarily so, often avoiding even brushing against you if he can help it

As he has Overstimulation issues and hates being touched at times, he understands the feeling, often he struggles to understand if your selective touch doesn't stem from ASD/SPD (Autism Spectrum Disorder/Sensory Processing Disorder), but he treats it like it is so it's easier for him to relate to.

Leo is difficult about this, I consider Leo a boundary pusher when he doesn't understand or agree with something, for this, it's the former

He doesn't understand why you don't want him to touch you sometimes, if it goes on long enough, he might start to doubt you love him, as his insecurities kick in and overthink about it, he'll think you hate him and just can't find a way to break it to him that you don't love him as much as his brothers

His walls get wrecked and forcefully torn down during this, which is why he gets desperate for affection from you, leading to him getting his shit kicked in by Donnie, just treat him with patience and have a talk with him about it, okay? It'll make him feel a lot better

Mikey is also a Boundary pusher, but not intentionally! He's just.... super Physically affectionate..... he wants to cuddle his darling 24/7 and gets a little bummed during your No-Touch/Affection periods

He still tries to sneak in a hug or cuddle, leading to Donnie scolding him (Donnie is the only brother who calls him out on this behavior lmao), he slowly gets more and more respectful, especially if you call him out on it. He doesn't want to make you uncomfortable after all!

Unlike Leo, he doesn't get insecure about this, he knows you love him, you say it all the time! Why would you lie?

Once you get out of these moods or if this is a constant thing, warm up to the idea of being touched by them, they're ecstatic.

Raph loves cuddling and peppering you with kisses for hours and playing cutesy games like AC:NH on the switch, probably tickles you if you're okay with it.

Leo gets emotional and just clings to you, especially if his insecurities were really bad before you gave the go ahead, you're not allowed to pee or get up for ANYTHING for a couple hours lmao.

Donnie is a 50/50, mainly because if you are okay with touch again, he might be in an Overstimulated state, so sometimes you don't get to cuddle him, but when you do? He's clingy like Leo, understanding that he doesn't know when he'll get the chance to do this again.

Mikey lovebombs you, dragging you to the couch to hug and kiss, constantly complimenting you and whining about how hard it was to not hug you, because he loves you so much!!

All in all, just give them patience and communication and they'll try their best to make you comfortable

7/10, communication is key, boys, communication is key.

✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

Sorry if it's bad by the end, I'm super tired lmao, but I had the motivation to write and idk when I'll get more :'}

[lizzylucky]

Thoughts and Observations From the Movie, Part 4/4

Back again one last time for whatever this nonsense compilation is!

If it isn’t immediately recognizable, this is the scene when Leo goes “what you fail to understand is that I missed on purpose”, and he stabs the leg of the mech suit Krang one is in to ensure it goes with him when he teleports to the blade he threw to the other side of the portal. 

And I REALLY wanted to point out this particular shot because of the splatter. It’s kinda gory, but it further implies that the technology used by the Krang is not entirely inanimate; it’s got a biological nature entwined with the technological structure of everything. This is especially interesting to me for another sort-of theory I’ll explain later in the post.

Further content below the cut!

More angst! Delicious. Prepare yourselves, because I have a lot to say about this part of the movie.

Watching the way each brother reacts to what they believe to be Leo’s death sentence, effectively his death, really, given they don’t think he’ll ever exist within their reality again, is… so hard, but it shows a lot about their individual thought processes.

Mikey had his hands clasped over his mouth, fear, anxiety, and disbelief radiating off him. He’s watching that portal shut down in slow motion, already teary eyed and subconsciously trying to will away what just happened. As the portal blinks out of existence, his arms drop to his side and his posture drops and stiffens in tandem with his forefront emotions mixing and making him go numb. Now, he’s just trying to process it, pushing against the reality as it trudges through the gears of his mind, still in fight or flight mode. He’s frozen between his disbelief and the latent need to do something while grief takes the place of all that anxiety he was feeling before.

I think this actually leads pretty seamlessly into his attempts to rescue Leo. It’s established right near the beginning of the movie that Mikey holds so much faith in his family and in himself, believing that your own determination can be stronger than anything that gets in your way. It’s one of his defining character traits; such a fundamental part of who he is that they use it to help introduce him in the movie.

“According to my calculations, as long as you believe in yourself, you can do anything!”

While Mikey is stuck processing what just happened to Leo, stuck in disbelief, his emotions are warring with who he is at heart, and it’s why he goes numb until that desperation to change reality by sheer force of will comes in. Until that point, he seems to struggle a little with differentiating between what he believed should have been the outcome, and what reality was telling him.

Raph, similarly to Mikey, watched the moments before the portal closed with fear and anxiety gripping his heart. He knew and understood what Leo was doing probably better than any of them because that’s what he does. You have to consider that only ten minutes prior to this, Raph had been fighting Leo with intent to kill and no control over that. 

Raph has been fighting for the entire movie, first against some low level villains, then the Foot Clan, then the Krang, then the take over of that horrible Krang biogrowth and against its mind control, and all of it, all of it, was for his brothers. This horrible thing the Krang did to him happened because he chose to protect Leo, and we all know he wouldn’t take it back for anything because his family comes first. He knows that, and he only just overcame all of it only to watch his little brother do something necessary but heartbreaking. 

I think Raph felt it was his job to protect Leo. Forget who’s leader, Raph is Leo’s older brother, and none of them, being kids, should have had to do any of this, so, naturally, it’s Raph’s job to lighten the load for them as much as possible. He thinks it should have been him up there, making sure his siblings never had to bear this particular burden again. Watching someone else do what was normally his job probably leaves him feeling out of place, leaves it all feeling utterly surreal, and when it’s done and their connection to his younger brother is cut off forever, he breaks.

Everything about this is unreal, but watching Leo make a concrete decision and watching the portal close were real, and with all those thoughts about being a protector floating around suddenly having been shut down, it’s all Raph can do to fall to his knees and grieve. Beat the earth for making the worst things a reality, slam his fists for having failed to do their job, curling in on himself because his sense of self, his sense of purpose, is crumbling and he has no other way to hold the pieces together.

He will never even have the opportunity to protect Leo again.

Then, there’s Donnie. I’ve seen a lot of really good interpretations of his reaction to Leo’s sacrifice, and though it isn’t a common one I should admit I disagree with the one where the reason he’s apparently shocked by his own tears is that he doesn’t really cry. He maybe doesn’t cry super often, but Donnie is, despite appearances and behavior, actually a very emotional person, more sentimental than all his family, in some ways. 

Notice that Donnie, at first, is facing the portal, and, for me at least, the expression on his face seems to convey a stream of thought composed entirely of the word “no”, over and over again. Like he’s mentally demanding “what are you doing?” and refusing to acknowledge that he knows exactly what Leo is doing, exactly what’s about to happen, and exactly what it means the rest of life is going to look like for him. 

Donnie, with his highly observational and overworked thought process is analyzing every part of this situation, following the logic of Leo’s decision, looking for any other possible outcome and ruling all ideas out, one by one, as every one of Leo’s words and every element of their circumstances converge on the same result. He’s so busy focusing on the analytical perspective of all the emotion that he doesn’t realize he’s panicking, doesn’t realize it isn’t an effective method against having to feel those emotions.

So, when the portal implodes and destroys every possible future with Leo in it, changes everything about how Donnie thinks and perceives his own reality, it forces every train of thought to a stop and Donnie to confront these emotions with no logical anchor to his new reality. I think that’s why he turns around, because the longer he looks at the last remaining remnants of what took his brother, the more real that all becomes, and it’s overwhelming.

It also seems to be why he’s so shocked by his own tears. He went from being engaged with countless logical trails to follow to overwhelmingly empty in several ways-- none of which he could put words to. Finding the tears on his face and realizing that the emptiness and grief and pain were all he had in that moment, and that they were getting past every failsafe he had to keep them under control, seemed to go against the nature of his own mind and further confirmed that even looking away from what happened made it no less real. 

If he was grieving already, then he couldn’t have imagined what he saw, and that’s just one more piece of logic that clears from his mind and leaves him emotionally stunned.

Okay, that was a little intense, so. Let’s change tracks 😅

Supposedly even the shape of Raph’s and Donnie’s eyes here is a nod to the shape of Leo’s, and this is such a cool thought. Leo and Raph, earlier in the series, briefly had each other’s eyes when Ninja Mind Melding, which symbolized their intense connection to one another.

So the idea that something similar is happening here has me almost giddy. It was Mikey’s desperate attempt to save Leo that triggered the formation of the portal he creates, and Raph and Donnie are just as desperate once they realize all hope is not lost. What you see with their eyes here implies that the reason making this portal was possible is not just Mikey’s mystical prowess or his desire to open a portal to the prison dimension, but the brothers’ intense and deeply emotional attatchment to Leo. The portal worked because Mikey was looking for Leo, NOT the prison dimension. And I just think that’s neat

That little red-ish spot in the center of this screenshot is Krang One, still in his mech suit, which is huge in comparison to the boys. Now look at the figure behind him, and think about how massive and mech-suit-like that thing is.

I don’t have screenshots from the last episodes of the show, but remember that they found the skeleton of a Krang inside the head of the crying titan? Who happens to be ENORMOUS? Yeah, I have some thoughts and concerns alike.

And! A final, much fluffier note to end on! Subtitles don’t show it, and it was quiet enough that I missed it the first few times I watched the movie, but here on this ending scene, actually in the moment before it shows this particular image, you can hear Donnie shout, “all right, big Raphie, let’s do it!” and I just think that’s utterly adorable.

As I’m writing this I have no idea if anyone will read any of these four posts, but if you did, thank you! I like feeling heard :3 If you have any thoughts or add ons, or if you know, like, some super obscure, unknown cool/silly detail from the movie, I’d love to hear it! Additionally, if anyone wants me to expand on any of the things I said, or if you’re curious about my perspective on other theories around these things, my ask box is always open!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

[neonseperatedau]

Leo’s Log Entries 234 to 345

It seems you stumbled across a broken control pad. As it boosts up, the label reads ‘Property of Leo’. Most files are corrupted. You take a look at those remaining. (Cass, @somerandomdudelmao thank you so much for creating such an inspiring, wonderful and heart-breaking story. Like many others, I was deeply moved by the latest updates. I hope you don’t mind the few creative liberties I took to tell bits of the comic from Leo’s perspective.)

Log entry 234: Man, this feels weird. It’s been ages since the last time I did an entry. The previous one dates so far back that I had both of my arms still. Sweet innocent Leo with two arms, I want to slap that idiot as soon as we got time travel. Donnie told me I should make it a habit again. I guess I kept zoning out during dinner because it was sometimes difficult to process every single crazy thing that had happened within a day. So, here I am, talking to this log and letting it record me. And Dee, if you are eavesdropping, I ate our final package of froot loops, probably the last one that remained on Earth. I needed to stress-eat after you had turned me into a tangerine-sized turtle tod. I only thought it fair to be somehow compensated for that unwanted experience…

Log entry 255: Case is pacing around all night. He had returned from a mission with Donnie being seriously hurt. You would think we’ve been through stuff like this so often it doesn’t bother us anymore. Nope. Each time, I see one of my family injured, I share their pain. Not in any physical sense. More in the ‘I wish I could have done something to prevent that’ kind of hurt. I long gave up on ‘what-if’ scenarios. The present moment doesn’t give two fs about your guilt. Mikey once told me that he envies me for being so focused on the present and that he sometimes struggles to be really here with us and not be torn between the spiritual realm and the physical. I laughed like a crazy person, and I think he misunderstood me. To me, it was the other way around. I miss Dad so much and I had no means of reaching him. Kinda ironic if you ask me that his ‘least favorite’ son was the one to lose his Ninpo and because of that was forced to let him go forever. Log entry 283: I can’t believe this really happened. I always knew Casey was like a good luck charm but that he would be the one to find Raph and bring him home! Raph is back! He is really back! I haven’t realized it until that big machine picked us all up and pressed us tightly into a hug how much I had relied on him and missed his presence. It was like taking that first breath of fresh air after staying underwater for too long. Our family is whole again. Well, as whole as it can be. Log entry 284: Today’s moral of the story: Things cannot go back to how they used to be. Raph refused to take up his old position, especially with some of his programs malfunctioning and Donnie not able to repair him entirely, he told me he doesn’t want the resistance to rely on him and that I had done a great job in taking up this role as leader. I totes understand him and yet…some part of me hoped I could revert to second-in-command. Spend some more time with Case. Go on my own missions. In the end, duty calls, and there’s no easy way out of it. Log entry 294: My big brother’s return was a miracle and even so, Dee found a way to grant us another one. I don’t want to know what that grenade is made out of, and it doesn’t matter. It can REVERSE the effects of Mikey’s quick aging and that is all that counts! Seeing Mike running around, messing with his abilities, and full of energy…I’m so happy for him. Between an ageless robot and a renewed younger bro, I’m the one who’s doomed to feel like an old fart. Second chances are rare. I always regretted that Mikey had to give up so much of his life for our cause. Let’s hope Donnie can continue to produce these anti-aging bombs for a long time. Log entry 301: It’s raining with the lowest levels of sulphur dioxide in the last ten years. It’s not like it’s super safe. That hadn’t prevented Case from running around and enjoying himself within the rain simulation that Donnie had created afterward. He wrapped us all up in his shenanigans and forced us to stop what we were doing and enjoy the little things in life. That’s…not a bad thing. Log entry 303: We lost Boston. Casualties approximately 200. A ceremony for the fallen is scheduled for the day after. April had intended to inspect the Boston branch and I’m somehow glad she got delayed and hadn’t managed to reach it in time. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure, she wouldn’t have returned. She’s on her way home and I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she hears about Raph. Log entry 314: Our scouting teams record higher rates of kraangified humans and yokai. It’s commonly considered a worse fate than death and yeah sure, we had figured out a way to reverse the process. Even so, it was dangerous for everyone involved and I forbid Mikey at one point to ‘treat’ anyone further. My brother would have crumbled away like overcooked toast if he would’ve cured every kraangified being there was. The instant I realized Casey had gotten infected, I was ready to beg my brother on my knees. Everyone’s selfish in their own ways, huh? Log entry 315: Casey shows great signs of improvement. Dee switched to ‘casual’ surveillance, aka his dozens of cameras whose locations nobody knows for sure. I’m doing my best to make the boy feel less responsible for what happened. We cannot blame ourselves for these things or else we would have lost our sanity long ago. Log entry 322: Hey, Dad. I know I cannot talk to you, but I really wonder if you felt the same way whenever we called you that: Dad. Case used that word to refer to me today. Well, to be honest, he also meant Donnie and Mikey, and Raph. It was one of those stupid ‘my dad is better than yours’ competitions, which makes it even better in my personal opinion. Back when I had promised Cass to look after her son, my first thought had been that this human baby was going to be a burden and I would surely mess everything up. But look at him, look at us. I would do anything for him. Heh, you surely had something similar on your mind when you went ahead and protected us at the cost of your own life. Log entry 343: Things have been busy. With April joining our team, I can allow myself to make more ballsy plans and we sure as hell need those victories. The Kraang continually pushes us back. It’s time to return to favor. Log entry 356: Man, my twin is the smartest person on earth. How did he manage to accidentally spill some of the anti-aging serum on himself? And how can such a small creature be so angry? We all haven’t slept for over 30 hours, afraid that if we take our eyes off him, he either ends up killing someone or gets eaten and I’m not thrilled about both options. Log entry 357: Casey is a genius. He built Tiny Tello a pair of custom glasses. He seems to recognize Mikey and me. Raph is too…changed. That human boy has a heart of gold, to do something so kind for someone who shows him no gratitude whatsoever. He insists it’s payback for everything ‘Uncle Donatello’ built for him. Long story short, my twin’s living in my scarf and it’s only the third weirdest thing to ever happen to me. The way he sometimes pads me with his small hands is adorable (note to myself that I should never mention that to Dee) and it makes me nostalgic for days long gone. Log entry 359: I shouldn’t be surprised that the base can’t exist long without Donnie’s maintenance. Occasionally Mike and I liked to make fun of him for merging with the place and being a true shut-in. Jokes on us that we realized how MUCH we are dependent on him once he turned into a small vicious turtle ball. We need to find a solution fast. Log entry 361: Not sure if it was sheer luck and honestly who cares. Dee is back and we need him now more than ever. Raph sustained some grave damage that isn’t fixable. The same goes for yours truly. They can berate me on how I need to be more careful all they want, I will never regret prioritizing Casey’s life. The longer our resistance continues like this, the more I believe this isn’t about me. They could easily replace me, but everyone in my family is so damn special and irreplaceable. I’m going to hold on to them for as long as I can. Log entry 378: Mikey was such an airhead when he was a teen. What happened? Like for real? He had developed an almost uncanny ability to know when we need someone to talk to or hug or, in Dee’s case, rest. And with his mad abilities, he won’t take a ‘no’ for an answer. I think I need to tell him more often how proud I am. Log entry 379: Casey called me in the middle of a meeting, that was already suspicious. The fact that Dee has been sleeping longer than six hours? Also, unusual. We’re currently taking turns, waiting for him to wake up and explain what’s going on. I’m recording this during my shift. My brother looks smaller and frail. He sinks into his bed almost as if the mattress is about to absorb him. His health was bad when Dad died. He had grieved through overwork and constant exhaustion. I couldn’t see a reason he would fall back into this old pattern. Maybe our injuries had made things worse for him. I should take over most of his work and redistribute it for a while. He won’t like it, but I don’t like seeing him like this even more. Log entry 380: Donnie has been infected. Even he doesn’t know when or where exactly. One thing is for sure, it rendered him weak for a while now and he had refused to let us know. It’s worrying that it’s a variant we haven’t dealt with before. But it’s okay. We’re going to figure something out. We always have. Log entry 385: Mikey and I had sat down late to discuss our options. His hair had turned mostly grey again, a sign my younger brother had done everything he could. Nothing worked. Good thing, the mystic isn’t our only trump card. There’s science, too. Donnie must be close to finding a solution, he has been working non-stop. Log entry 386: I just can’t understand why he would make an excessive list of things we’re supposed to take care of instead of focusing on himself. He’s supposed to be the smart one. So, what if the means to cure himself don’t exist anymore? There must be alternatives. Something even he overlooked. For the time being, we try to let him rest as much as possible and survey him. April’s visiting other resistance groups in the hope of answers. I’ve been contacting Draxum and he assured me to let me know when he found anything. Log entry 389: Casey asked me if he could sleep at my place for the night. He’s upset because Donnie made no effort in hiding his calculations of his own death. He might not act that way, but it must bother him as much as it did Casey. Dee just never expresses his emotions the same way others do. I tried to explain this to Casey. He didn’t say anything in return and quietly sobbed against the back of my shell. Log entry 399: We’ve returned to some form of normalcy, though everyone stays at the base for longer periods to hang around Donnie. He notices and refrains from commenting. Denying makes it a bit more bearable. He’s right here and we’ll be fucking damned to let anything change that. Log entry 415: I had no other choice but to move out on a mission myself. We recently lost fights we should’ve won and there are rumors that it has to do with Donnie’s health and our absence. I blame it on my lack of sleep that I stumbled into one of the Kraang’s traps. One mistake might cost your life, that’s how it has been for the last 20 years, and I was ready to pay the price. Then from nowhere, Donnie appeared in his slabby pullover and summoned the greatest arsenal of mystic weaponry that I’ve ever seen. Casey had surely been with Dee as a crutch. Though, it appeared as if it was the other way around and the boy held on to his uncle while he pushed back the entire Kraang army. It's been…a while since Donnie had gone all out. Witnessing what he’s capable of reminded me of the time we had full access to our Ninpo and had gotten extremely cocky. Even then, my twin had been the rational voice of the team. Choosing to be flashy on special occasions and focusing on providing us with the necessary support and firepower. It had never been anything personal. This time, when rockets flew over our heads causing grand explosions, I could see it in his eyes. He was free at that moment. His mind was consumed with revenge for what the Kraang had done to him and enjoying their screams and demise without a thought wasted on efficiency or greater purpose. Fearing he would collapse from over-exerting himself I had to grab him, and we retreated. He seemed in good spirits afterward. I’m telling myself that if he’s strong enough to pull something like this off, he must be okay. He must be. Log entry 422: A week after Donnie’s all-out attack, his health worsened visibly. As he huddles through his lab to take care of business as usual, we cherish the small things. Drinking tea together. Throwing bad puns at each other. The four of us are often sitting down, reminiscing about the times before this whole mess started. Sometimes April or Casey join us. We would like to show our concern and ask Donnie how he’s feeling, if he needs anything, what we can do for him, but we don’t. Life continues on. Log entry 435: I’m tired. I haven’t slept in a few days. Can’t tell exactly how long it has been. I don’t want to miss anything. Every second is precious, even writing this feels like a waste of time. But I also can’t hover over Donnie, he wouldn’t want that. He’s already mad at me since I denied taking over some of his tasks as if he’s already gone. He’s been trying to explain a few of his inventions to me that keep our base up and running, but it’s been difficult to focus. My mind drifts off to repeat the same few sentences over and over again. Please don’t leave us. Please stay with me. Please. Don’t go.

[juukeboxx]

Hi, i was wondering if you could write a 2012 Raph story, very very angst heavy? Idm what rout you take, i just want good ol angst, maybe with older sib Leo to comfort at the end? Thank you!!

Hi there, and thanks for the request! I apologize that this has taken me a while to get to, but I greatly appreciate your patience. I’m always here for some good good angst, ESPECIALLY with comfort at the end. The route I decided to go down was a private conversation between Leo and Raph after Leo wakes up from his coma in season 3. I hope this is to your liking and please enjoy!

TCEST DO NOT INTERACT

Warnings: Themes of death and anxiety, a little bit of swearing on Raph's part (just one word), this is angst so if you're not a fan of it don't read

Word count: 1,052 words

We Still Need You

How long had it been? Three months or something?

To Raph it seemed like an eternity. After the Kraang had taken over New York the turtles and their allies had no choice but to leave the only home they had ever known and find some time to regroup. They had no idea what happened to master Splinter and if he was even alive, and Leo had sustained numerous grievous injuries that landed him in a coma.

They drove somewhere upstate to the farmhouse April used to live in when she was younger. They were still able to get food and supplies from the small town about 10 minutes away, but they really had to budget their money. It was tough, but they were getting by.

All Raph could focus on the past few months was his big brother. Leo was beaten, bloody, battered, and bruised and seeing him in such a state mand the red clad turtle's heart shatter. Of course there were times where the two of them didn't get along, that's what siblings do. But Leo has always been kind to him even when Raph would say something he didn't really mean and patient when his temper got out of control. Never once did Raph think he might have to live in a world without his big brother around.

He didn't know what time it was when Leo began to wake up. All the anxiety that had been weighing on Raph's mind and heart had dissipated in an instant. Blue eyes met green as Leo let out a raspy, "Hey."

It took Raph a second to process what had just happened. Honestly, he didn't think he would see the day his brother woke up from his coma. Even with knowing that Leo's body was probably stiff and sore Raph couldn't stop himself from bringing Leo into the tightest hug possible.

"I thought we lost you man..." Raph mumbled quietly. The older turtle embraced his younger brother in the hug, albeit not as tightly.

"It's good to be back," Leo replied. As relieved as he was, there was still a pit in Raph's stomach, an anxiety that hasn't gone away since they had to flee New York.

"Can I be honest with you about something?" the younger turtle asked with a bit of apprehension in his voice. His tone took Leo back for a second. His confident, feisty, hotheaded, proud younger brother had never sounded so... scared before.

"What's on your mind Raph?"

The anxiety began to swell in his stomach. Raph couldn't make eye contact with Leo, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. The roof of his mouth felt like it had gone numb, and he could feel his heart beating in his chest. Recounting the events that happened the night of the invasion was hard for the three younger turtles, April and Casey. Everyone and everything that they had loved had to be left behind so that they could fight another day. But the one thing that was etched so clearly into the back of Raph's mind was seeing Leo be thrown through that apartment window.

It was something that he had beaten himself up over for months: Not being there when leo needed him the most. He couldn't imagine the hell his brother must have gone through for his body to be as damaged as it was, and he couldn't stomach the struggles Leo will have to go through while he's recovering.

"I was scared. Scared out of my...." Raph let out a sigh. "Out of my fucking mind."

This admission caught Leo off guard, especially the fact that Raph had just cursed. Sure, the red clad turtle would use bad language under his breath or when his temper got the better of him, but never was he so honest about it.

"Splinter's missing, we've been crashing at April's old farmhouse for the past few months getting by with what we got, and you've... been in here. Sleeping. And with as bad as your injruies were I..." Raph trailed off. Red hot tears were starting to swell up and sting his eyes. It stung more than any chili pepper or hot sauce could've. A look of concern grew on Leo's face.

"Raph...?" he asked quietly.

"We need you. I need you, Leo. And I don't think I realized just how much until this whole mess went down..." Raph's voice became quiet as Leo's expression softened. The older turtle did his best to prop himself up and lean over the edge of the tub to pull Raph into as tight of an embrace as possible.

Their father had told them time and time again that at some point they will be all that each other have. They knew that very well. It was always hard to tell when Raph cared, he was never one to really tell people just what he was thinking or how he was feeling. But Leo knew that this was one of the rare moments where Raph simply needed his big brother to be there for him. He could feel Raph hug him back, holding onto him tightly as if he was going to disappear.

And then he felt the tears. Raph never cried. Well, that is mostly the truth, Leo's caught him crying while watching a Disney movie on occasion but he knew that Raph would rather walk on flaming hot coals than get caught crying. The sniffling and choked back sobs pulled at Leo's heart and he could see how vulnerable Raph was.

"Let it out Raph, I've got you," Leo said quietly. And so he did. It was as if every single emotion that Raph had built up over the past couple of months spilled forward like a typhoon. Every weight and every emotion had come crashing down on him wave after wave. And Leo was there for him.

The older turtle knew that words weren't what Raph needed at the moment. So he remained present, a physical form that his brother could lean on. He knew that Raph might not say anything about this moment a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, or even a few years from now. But Leo knew deep down that Raph appreciated him just being there.

And that was more than enough.

[the-city-kitty]

“Harbinger” AU

A ROTTMNT AU work in progress. I really wanted to introduce this AU with some cover art but that’s not happening anytime soon, and this is sort of just meant to be something I play around with at no regular intervals, even the title might be subject to change, it’s pretty much on the back burner compared to my other stuff especially since I mostly want to do illustrations for this rather than a fic. With that let’s begin this mess:

Out of context quote: “Is this my destiny? To always be the one who destroys the world, no matter how hard I try to be the hero?”- there’s a decent chance this will never actually be said in the AU proper, but this sort of encapsulates the basic driving idea behind this AU.

AU Summary: When Casey is sent through the Time Gate, rather than ending up in Times Square he actually does end up in the right time and place to stop the Foot Clan from getting the Key. The only problem is that with his interference in the chase, they end up driving away with Leo instead.

Out of context quote: “Well if we don’t have the Key, why don’t we simply pick the lock?” - Foot Lieutenant. The Foot Lieutenant realizes that they may have lucked out in getting Leo. He surmises that getting the Key back from the other turtles will be too difficult, so instead the Foot Clan plans to use Leo’s portal powers as a sort of “lock pick” into the Prison Dimension. Following some ancient dark magic, they paint a bunch of mystic runes on Leo to force his powers to open a gateway to the Prison Dimension.

The turtles (+April+Casey+Splinter) rush to Leo’s rescue but by the time they arrive the ceremony has already begun. As the portal opens they witness what appears to be Leo’s body disintegrating as the Foot Clan force activated his powers, forcing his body to become to portal itself. Fueled by grief and rage the Mad Dogz rush in to begin fighting the Foot Clan and the Kraang. They still find themselves quickly overwhelmed, so Raph orders Donnie and Mikey to retrieve Leo’s katana’s, which have not disintegrated and seem to be what’s maintaining to portal.

(Quick warning, some body horror up ahead, this is where the AU gets kinda dark) Leo’s katanas are firmly planted in a set of stone plinths, keeping the portal open. Donnie and Mikey rush up the dais to remove the swords from their plinths, only to find Leo’s seemingly disembodied arms also still firmly holding onto his swords. Swallowing down how much that freaks them out, Donnie and Mikey pull the swords from their plinths and close the gate…. And Leo suddenly reappears, but he’s….. different….. he’s floating and…… glowy and….. are his limbs detached but still floating where they ought to be?? Is this even Leo???

There’s no time to process this as as soon as Leo’s(?) body reconstitutes itself he takes stock of the situation and somehow teleports everyone back to the lair, from there things only get more chaotic.

Aaaaand that’s all I have properly written down for this. I absolutely have more ideas and plan to come back/develop this further but like I said, it’s mostly on the back burner and just something to toy around with for fun between my main projects and the general struggles of being a student. I will definitely get around to illustrating what Harbinger!Leo looks like at some point because the way I want him to look is honestly kinda hard to describe in words which is why I mostly want to do this AU through drawings (even though I’m only okay at art but this gives me a good excuse to practice) so yeah, thanks for coming to my TEDtalk about yet another goddamn Leo AU

[snailslovesketching]

Why I find Mikey from Rise of the TMNT relatable as a younger sibling

Greetings snails ;)

I’m a bit late to the party on this one, but I just recently finished Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and very much want to write about it, so here we are. I honestly love all four of the turtle brothers to bits, their brotherly chemistry and chaotic energy are lovely to watch, but one turtle who I feel has gone slightly underappreciated is Mikey. Maybe I just haven’t been searching for it enough in the fandom but I feel as though not much content has been released for his character, so in this post I shall make the tiniest dent to that by analysing his character as the youngest sibling and why I as a younger sibling find him relatable. Okay? Okay.

As basically everyone in the fandom knows: Raph is the eldest brother, Leo and Donnie are the middle disaster twins, and Mikey is the youngest. Being the youngest is possibly what gives Mikey some of his charm, since according to birth order the youngest child tends to be highly sociable, confident, creative and charming - which I feel fits Mikey perfectly since he is the artist and heart of the group. Being the youngest, however, sometimes comes with being coddled by overprotective family members (which I’ll discuss in more detail in a moment), being a risk taker and generally seeing the consequences of actions less effectively than other family members due to never being allowed to fail. These are all traits of Youngest Child Syndrome, which I actually learnt about through a youtube video analysing Mikey’s character (https://youtu.be/LU9cGgcv7gU), which I feel explains this quite well. To me, it seems likely that Mikey has something like Youngest Child Syndrome, and since the show focuses heavily on the relationships between the brothers this becomes crucial to Mikey's characterisation and how he’s treated.

As an example, while his brothers do clearly love Mikey, it is also clear that they tend to underestimate his abilities due to him being the youngest. An episode where this is made the focus is in Hot Soup: The Game, as it revolves around him insisting on doing a solo mission to prove to his brothers that he is capable of being independent. Raph is very against this mission and infantilises Mikey in the process. He tries to stop Mikey going on a solo mission despite Raph having gone on one when he was Mikey’s age, says Mikey won’t be ready for a solo mission in 7-10 years (which would make Mikey 20 years old at least, rip) and literally uses a baby voice to speak to him on multiple occasions. I can understand some of Raph’s concerns since Mikey has shown himself to be impulsive and reckless at times (like most 13-year-olds are), but I still believe Raph is being overprotective here. If Raph was going on solo missions at 13 years old, then there’s no good reason that Mikey shouldn’t go on one too. 

I do relate to this problem in my own way, though I’m not sure if it’s due to being the youngest sibling or being assigned female at birth (maybe both). I didn’t go out with friends or walk anywhere without my mum or older brother until I was around Mikey’s age, and even then my mum got very anxious when I even suggested it. This was despite my brother having done all of this when he was my age because it was apparently ‘safer’ for him to do so. I don’t want to get too deeply into the topic of AFAB people having less freedom to go outside for fear of a man hurting them, because that’s a can of worms for another day honestly, but what I’m getting at is that I relate to Mikey’s struggle. It’s incredibly frustrating to be denied freedoms, especially when you’ve seen that another person (especially when that person is your sibling) has been granted them. It’s a good sign when many people can relate to a character even when there are so many differences between them and the character, so I think this illustrates how well written Mikey is, which is why I’m writing about him in the first place :)

Another aspect of Mikey that I can definitely see is the traits of ADHD. The writer of rottmnt Ron Corcillo actually tweeted that he believes Mikey may be 'a little ADD’ (https://twitter.com/RonCorcillo/status/1554280734319206401), and as someone who may have ADHD and is currently going through the process of getting a diagnosis, I can definitely see that in Mikey too. From memory, some traits that come to mind are his impulsivity and risk-taking behaviour, being easily distracted, appearing to be restless, talking a lot and general chaotic energy. If I’m being honest, I feel like most if not all the brothers are neurodivergent in some way, since a good portion of these traits could be applied to any of them. Also, please don’t take what I’ve noted as a conclusive list, this is just from my memory of the show and the clips I’ve watched to jog my memory.  I would like to rewatch the show and note down every aspect of neurodivergency in the turtles I can find, but I’m not going through that much effort for a rant posted to Tumblr, so this is the best you’re getting.

Overall, Mikey is just a sweet, kind, charming, very loveable turtle who I find relatable - probably because we’re both younger sibling artists who probably have ADHD. He makes for a great heart of the group, who balances out characters like Donnie with his logical way of thinking and brings fun, emotional and affectionate moments to the team. I definitely want to look at the other brothers in the future and rant about why they’re amazing too, but that is a blog post for another day :) 

Thanks for reading :D

[infuriatedleprechaun]

OSTRACIZED

Chapters 1-16 here friends!

Bayverse tmnt fic

RECAP:

- "Project 1171 of TCRI, and project 5521 of Silver. If you're watching this, you can get the turtle back, but not for free. In exchange for yourselves. We are feeling generous enough to even let him out alive, too. But the longer you take to meet us at the rendezvous point? The more damage he will sustain" The last part was a voice over as the monitor showed the meet up point in the park.

-"You guys can plan something with Leo after we get him back" Vicky snapped.

- "Raph. They'll kill him." Vicky now had tears in her eyes as she looked back down at where the leader was being held.

"Look at him. They're beating the shit out of him" she swallowed, her body shaking. "They'll kill him but they wont kill us" Vicky told him.

 -I don't know how long it's been, at the very minimum a week, I was afraid of this, they must've had a secure lab that the boys were having trouble finding. The room I was locked in by myself was all white, no windows, harsh leds blasting on me constantly, making it difficult to sleep (obviously not the only reason for lack of sleep though).

-I have to say though, I would absolutely love to cuddle with Raph one last time before I finally left this world behind, but it's ok, I was so happy from all the memories we already made together. They kept me going through this whole mess, I got to tell him I loved him, too, so it's safe to say, I had no loose ends.    

drama~

trigger warnings: blood, blisters, rough handling, radiation sickness, assault. If you’re squeamish, just don’t read it. Also don’t read it if you’re under 18.... Still.... That rule still applies...

And now! the next chapter none of you have been asking for, drum roll please! naw but enjoy!

Light

Today was going to be rough, they started the day off with draining me of my blood, which was promptly followed by beatings. I had fresh bruises every where, even a split lip, a black eye (I was struggling in protecting my face at the moment.)

Typically they did one thing or another, but today, for whatever reason, they seemed more desperate to get me to change forms.

I was getting weaker and weaker, unable to hold myself up, all my body weight was on the chains and the wall. Which hurt pretty bad since my wrists were so raw. I had to choose between preserving what little energy I had left and holding myself up so I hurt just a little bit less.

Being electrocuted didn't help, I guess the metal they used for the cuffs was conductive because they got super hot and burned me. At least they cauterized my wrists, ankles and neck though.  

My healing factor was slowing down tremendously, lack of food, no blood to be ingested, and getting my blood drained on top of it was probably going to do that though. No longer could I heal from the wounds inflicted within an 8 hour span. Or at all for that matter, especially at the rate I was getting harmed.

I was completely bald by this point, my body didn't have the energy to stay warm anymore, so I was constantly cold and shivering, which, in turn made muscles like my lower back sore. I wasn't doing too hot, literally, so when they came in again I did my usual: tensed up, covered my head. I know I needed to preserve energy, but protecting my head was a lot more important, the constant head shots could be how I die if I wasn't careful.

I made a severe mistake in the process though: I peaked through my arms to see what was coming. This man was going to burn me, but they were getting more creative with it than just a small blowtorch. This guy had a branding iron.

I whimpered, why were they going at me so hard today?? He forced my arm to go straight, opened the velcro, I didn't have the strength to pull back. I cursed at myself for that one, because I left my face and head open.

Sure enough he went right for my neck, that part not covered in a cuff, causing me to cry out in pain. I'm surprised I even had a voice, I was screaming so much for what I assume has been at least a week. He broke open the velcro on my legs and went for that next.

"Transform into one of your forms!" He snarled. I did what I always did when he screamed that demand at me. I merely shook my head, tears in my eyes as I felt my neck and leg blister. The smell of burning flesh would've made me gag if I had the energy.

"Do it now or we are going to kill you!" I flinched when he took a step forward. I heard the cap to the syringe come off with a pop, and it hit the ground when he carelessly spit it out. I tried to cover my neck but I couldn't fight these guys at full strength let alone now.

He pried my hand away from covering my neck, and stabbed me, I still shuddered to this day and hour when I felt the dense fluid flow into my veins. Physically, yes it physically felt nasty, like peanut butter going into my veins, but I knew what it could do to me, to be able to do things to a psyche, stuff like that always terrified me.

I whimpered, and then went back to screaming when this next branding was on my lat. I watched him pull it away, hit a button, and it got red hot again.

Shudders ran through me, my breaths were uneven, my body has been at its tipping point. I didn't know when it would finally be pushed off the edge. How much more I could take, I am honestly surprised I wasn't dead a while ago, unless Vicky was right: They wouldn't kill us. Just make us wish we were dead. At the same time though, they got what they wanted from us. They just needed to use more obedient people.

He gave me one on my low lower back, I screamed until my voice cut out. My throat was feeling just like the rest of my body now. At least I was consistent I guess.

"Change NOW!" I shook my head again, he yelled at me louder, making the same demand. I couldn't speak, so I continued to settle for shaking my head vigorously.

He branded my cheek, a silent scream came out of me. As I curled in on myself. He didn't even bother clothing me, but at the same time, that was going to hurt SO badly if he got the servant to redress me and feed me.

He threw the iron to the ground, and yelled, I prepped my body for another assault, but I guess this guy was just throwing a fit. He waited a few minutes, presence unsettling me, I heard the scrape of the branding iron as he went and picked it up. And then, he stormed out the door, not before he let out a growl.

I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding, and my tired muscles finally relaxed. Not because I was relaxed, but because I didn't have the strength to keep my physical guard up.

I gave an airy moan, my skin felt terrible, like a sun burn on steroids. The blisters and raw wounds caused detrimental pain. I began to cry, it would be nothing short of a miracle if I lived past today, I could feel my body shutting down, I guess they had everything they needed from Vicky and I, courtesy of the blood farming. While I was ready to die, I was still scared, I was so scared. To do it alone.

But that was probably why they were getting desperate, was because I was dying. All these resources and they couldn't break me, and I knew they weren't breaking Vicky. Their first successful cases and they were about to kill them in the process of trying to finally use them.

I knew they had our blood, but I wondered how many successful transformations they were having? Probably another cause of anger, that they got to take out on Vicky and myself. I hope she was off better than I was, I hoped she would make it out of this, and her and Leo could have something, even start a family. Hopefully she'd be able to live for me, because things were looking pretty grim for me.

At the minimum I knew my sister was going to live for me, she'd keep my memory alive for them, hopefully help Raph through as well. She'd be and stay as an important part of the family, she'd fiercely take care of everyone, they'll be ok, I know they will.

The hot tears kept coming down my cheeks, feeling like acid when they got to the burn mark that stained my face, a broken smile adorned my features. As I kept painfully sobbing, I hadn't really done that since I was here, let it out, but I think I was also breaking mentally too, now.

The door burst open so hard it clanged against the wall, I damn near jumped out of my skin at the noise alone, and then a rush of thoughts hit me. He came back, he was mad, he was going to kill me this time, this was it, for whatever reason I stubbornly fought to live, though I knew I wasn't going to want to live through this.

I cried harder, covering my head and neck tightly, I wasn't going to make the mistake of looking again, I didn’t even want to think about what he had this time. My body was weakly shaking from the strain of bracing myself, along with my crying.

"No no no no no" I could only whisper that because my voice was still shot.

He did the most unsettling thing he could have possibly done, he stood by the doorway, I knew what this was, they were playing more mind games with me. I was balled up so tightly, my tears fell straight to my knees, I sniffled a bit, and just waited, at this rate, I just wanted to be done with it.

I finally heard them start to walk to me, the suspense was killing me, and putting me in further pain, my body wasn't liking me right now for it. I couldn't help but to listen to the footsteps, he wasn't wearing boots? Was it the guy that was supposed to feed and cloth me? Sounded a lot heavier though, that… That wasn't right either. I'm still not looking though.

Something touched my back, and I flinched so hard at that, expecting a lot more than what was given, the touch was actually, gentle? What? Who was this? And then the scent hit me. Honestly, I was surprised my sense of smell even worked.

"A-Abby?" Raph's voice sounded more broken than even mine when he said my name. I definitely didn't blame him though, I was probably unrecognizable right now. My crying stop, I lowered my arms slowly in case this was an elaborate mental warfare game that the high tech scientists cooked up. Because something like this would break me in less than a heart beat.

"Raph" I sounded like I lost my voice to a nasty cold, I couldn't even whisper his name. For the first time in literally I don't know how long. My body went lax, I moved to sit on my knees but my hands were still up near my face because of where they were chained into the wall.

"What…..What the fuck did they do to you?" His hand was so delicate in touching my face, moving it more towards him as he examined me, looking down every square inch of me. Every bruise, every burn, every needle poke, all of my radiation sickness.

He was trying to process it, and it was probably a lot for him to take in, so he'd need some time. I started to cry, tears of happiness this time, he really came for me, he was able to find me despite these guys throwing me into their most secure base!

"You're here" I smiled, tears moving down my face, it felt so good, all the hope in my eyes, in my body, I'll be ok! I felt so bad that he had to see me like this, but I'd heal up in no time with turtle care. For him. He was really here and he was going to break me out, I love him so much.

"Of course I'm here. I-I shouldn't have taken so long!" Raph was not sharing the same emotions. He was now angrily examining the chains, and I could see his eyes flash as the anger began to build, like he was starting to see red. I didn't know where that was going, I just didn't want him to hurt himself if he got blinded to his anger.

He was quickly growing more frustrated, if he tried to yank or break the shackles, he knew he'd risk hurting me, so he'd have to wait for a bit. Honestly, I lost so much weight, I'm surprised I couldn't slip my hands through them at this rate.

"Donnie! Hurry the fuck up!" He snarled loudly. As he knelt down in front of me, gently holding my face, careful of my fresh branding, and wiped my tears away. A gentle touch felt so unbelievably good right now, HIS gentle touch I couldn't begin to describe how good it felt, he was here! I can't believe he's here.

I couldn't help but to smell the air, I smelled Leo, Mikey, Donnie… And Vicky! She must be ok too?! Leo came through the door, looking already on the same tier of upset as Raph, he was already prepared to see me. But still froze in the doorway, doing to me what Raph was doing earlier: Observing every last inch of the injuries to my body, and my condition altogether.

He licked his lips, looking from me, to Vicky in his arms who looked just as bad as me, I assumed. Donnie very carefully squeezed past him, swallowing hard when he saw me, and began to get some tools out to pick the locks. I hardly noticed his grim expression, I was so excited my brothers found Vicky and found me!

I was worried about them all, their emotional state, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face that they found us, when Donnie saw my smile, his expression got more gentle, there was a smile in his eyes, but it was as if he couldn't make his mouth follow.

"You didn't give them what they wanted" Vicky smirked at me, she clung to Leo, hard, well, as hard as she could with our limited strength. I turned my smiling face to her and nodded, man we looked so bad right now, this will probably take quite some time and blood to get back to full strength.

My hand shackles came lose, Don was so careful with his work, not even budging me as he worked on my collar.

"What did they want from you?" Leo's look on Vicky was so intent, I think his voice was 2 octaves lower than it usually was. He was trying to be gentle and not lose himself to his emotions but I could see from his stiff posture that even the calm, collected leader was struggling.

"Other forms" Her rough voice explained. I saw her lean into the turtle, head gently resting against his plastron, and she sighed, looking relaxed and so relieved. Oh man, why did she say that though? Her and I both were too out of it, we shouldn't be talking, we were tattling on ourselves. I know neither of us wanted the boys to blame themselves.

"Why didn't you change?" Leo looked like he was about to scold Vicky and I.

"Spite" She said waaay to quickly. Donnie paused in the lock picking, looking at Vicky and I, very quickly was he putting things together on why we really didn't change. I couldn't help remnants of laughter, which hurt, but I hadn't smiled or laughed in who knows how long. Vicky was awesome, what a great answer.

"Leo, they need to save their strength, I can talk to you about this later" he assured

My collar fell to the ground, I let out a relieved exhale of air, Donnie was amazing, I missed him so much, I missed them all. If this was a dream and I was about to wake up from, it WILL ruin me, it feels insanely realistic so I'm going with: not a simulation.

"You guys are real" I said, just in case. It was halfway a question, and halfway me begging them not to just disappear into clouds, back into my mind.  

"We're real, baby" Raph looked so concerned for me when I said/asked that. I barely noticed, Like, how could I not be smiling right now. Don freed my ankles, oh that felt so much better.

"Thank you" came my relieved gratitude.

"Mike. You and Don take Abby and Vicky" Leo looked so calm but I knew he wasn't calm, and the result was kind of scary if I was being honest. The fact Raph stopped looking and talking to me and started thinking quietly to himself? Also made me nervous.

The largest was so careful and gentle as he picked me up and hugged me to him, I leaned into him, doing my best to show affection back. My eyes shot back open wide when I felt him shaking though, and an uneven exhale hit my oversensitive skin.

"Get them out of here, get them on the submarine, give them blood, take care of them" Leo's voice was so steady.

"What are you and Raph going to be doing?" Raph ever so carefully and gently, tilted my head to give me a peck on the lips, to which he moved to give me another on my forehead. As if he was trying to calm himself down a bit. It was at this point I saw Leo was in the same state as Raph, he was also shaking.

"We're going to be shutting down this operation. Permanently"

"Did you just say submarine?" Vicky's brows furrowed as she was very carefully passed off to Mikey.

"Sounds like a great plan to me, fearless" Raph said darkly, he tucked my head under his chin, and rocked me a bit, before delicately transferring me to Donnie. I was tensing again, NO, they couldn't take this entire place on alone! It was already dangerous for the four of them to come here to save us!  

@mysticboombox @thelaundrybitch @selfless1978 @katecupcakekate

[residentclown]

TMNT x Reader - ‘Coming Out’ Scenarios <3 pt. 1

/ To all us folk coming out as male/female and to those with the insecurity of it, and need a little fic to boost your confidence. You’re beautiful, handsome, lovely, you’re EVERYTHING. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. This post will be part 1 to the the 'female to male' scenario. I'll come out with a 'male to female' scnerio post part 1 & 2 soon! /

Intro: :

You were nervous to visit the lair today. Nervous, because today was the day you'd be confessing to your boyfriend that you were transitioning. You hadn't really been obvious about it -- quite the opposite in fact, but it began to bother you how the wrong terms would be thrown your way. Not that they knew...they didn't, and today that was going to change.

You being nervous didn't just stem from the reaction your mutant lover could give you; but you were nervous of the reactions from his ENTIRE family. So as you made your way through the sewers wearing a brace around your chest (sorry if I'm using this wrong, I'm still new to whats worn and whats not when transitioning qvq), you almost considered just making a beeline back to your apartment.

Unfortunately, the promise you'd made to come over kept you from doing that. Soon, you found yourself standing before the brothers, all of which sat about in the living room in preperation for the upcoming movie-thon you all were to have.

Leo

The soft patter of footsteps echoing from the entrance to the lair brought his attention to it, and it was instantanious for him to stand from his seat to go and greet you.

However, the nervous look on your face told him something was wrong -- and....you looked different. It was odd, cause nothing /seemed/ different; You were wearing the same clothing you normally did, hair was the same, face...regardless, he strolled up to you and brought you into a gentle hug.

" Something the matter? " he asks softly, face buried into your hair. He feels you nod and respond quietly. " Leo can -- can we go to your room? This is important.... "

Pulling away from the embrace, a feel of concern washes over him, but he swallows it down and guides you into the safety of his confines. Letting his brothers know you two would be a minute.

Once the door was shut, he turns back to see you sitting on the edge of his bed, fiddling with your fingers. (A nervous habit he found adorable) " What is it you wanted to tell me? Is everything alright, y/n? " he asks. Worry lacing the tone of his voice as he kneels before you, one large hand coming to rest upon your thigh, the other on your knee.

" Y-Yeah! Everything is fine its just -- .... " you were struggling to find the words. (e/c) eyes darting everywhere but the icy stare pointed at you. Then...you had an idea. Looking back to your boyfriend, you rest your hands firmly on his shoulders, tone serious as you stare him dead in the eyes.

" Leo, take off my shirt. " Blink. " What? " " Take of my shirt! Just - trust me. Please. " Swallowing the sudden lump forming in his throat, he regards you with a questioning look before eventually nodding and complying with your request. Raising your arms, you allow him to hook his fingers into the hem of your shirt and gently tug it up and over your head.

There, on your chest, was this odd contraption fit snug around your chest. He eyes it suspiciously, before looking to you for an answer. You, however, smiled bashfully and motioned to it.

" T-This is a um...a brace. Its to make it feel like I have no boobs, and a man's chest. I....Leo, I'm a man. I'm not a girl. I'm currently going through the process of transitioning -- I just... " You paused, the silence and sudden tension within the room causing emotion to well up in your throat. Tears pricking the corners of your eyes, you look at the blue-clad leader - who was currently staring you down with a face that bared no emotion to read.

' He doesn't like this. ' you thought. The damn threatening to break behind your eyes had all but shattered - causing small streams to spill down your cheeks. You choke back a sob, voice coming out broken. Completely unaware of the growing excitement coming from the turtle in front of you. " I-I'm sorry - I'm so sorry...if you don't want..../us/ anymore, I c-completely un- "

You were cut short when arms wrap around your waist and hoist you into the air. A yelp leaving you before you're crushed against Leo's plastoron. The grin plastered onto his face had you gaping -- you'd never seen him smile so big! " y/n, of course I still want us! This is great! " settling you onto your feet, he continues to hold you, his excited expression turning soft as he rests a hand on the side of your face. Which, instincitvely, you nuzzle into.

" I'm /proud/ of you, y/n. I don't care if you're a guy, girl, different species -- you're YOU. And I can't see myself without you. Now come on, handsome. We've got a family to inform. " He says, leaning in for a quick peck before guiding you hand in hand from his room.

Needless to say, the endless support you got not only from him, but from the others? You were lucky to have had them all.

/ / Leo may seem OOC in this compared to a LOT of fics out there - but tbh, he isn't the cold, collected leader he's often portrayed as. I can see him being giddy and excited knowing his SO took such a hard and big step in life - hell, he'd be very proud and it will show. While he may struggle a bit with emotions, I can see him expressing them fluently and with enthusiasm when he figures it out. / /

Raph

It didn't take long for Raph's eyes to fall upon you as you made your way into the living room. The unsure look on your face had him up on his feet, eyes regarding you with a look that was just as unsure. The brute wasn't always so good with emotions -- especially if it was coming from his partner.

" Hey girly, you uh..you doin' alright there? " he tries. Voice cautious. But when you visibly cringed, insecurities instalty began to flood his mind. Why did you cringe? You never cringed when he called you that -- were you mad at him? Here to break up with him? His mind began to reel and when you noticed the blank, wide-eyed stare, you knew he was beginning to jump to conclusions.

His brothers watched, worried but with a growing curiosity as you made your way over and gently touched his arm -- ushering him to sit back in the recliner. He did, eyes on you and mouth unmoving as you stood back a bit, biting your bottom lip before your gaze went to the others in the room.

" So um...I've got something to say. To all of you. I figured I'd let you all know at once cause..well, you're my family. You all deserve to know. " you start. Heart pounding in your chest. It was hard to look up at all the eyes pinned on you, so you opted for finding interest in the floor beneath your feet.

With a small chorus of 'Of course', 'go ahead' and 'we're listening' from the brothers, you finally looked up. (e/c) gaze moving from each turtle until they landed on the emerald green of your boyfriends. You stared long and hard into them, heart in your ears now as you took a deep breath -- exhaled, and finally found the courage to speak two words.

" I'm male. "

There was a deafening silence, the boys all staring at you with utter confusion written on their faces. Mikey was the first to speak up after a minute.

" Whaddya mean angelcakes? Were you not a girl this whole time? " then he gasps. " Then how did you hide it from Ra-- " there was a small 'whap' as the red-clad turtle smacked him upside the head. " No ya' idiot! It means she - ....it means y/n was a female.... " looking back at you, he finally stands up. Hand coming to your chest, he pats it a couple of times. It was then that everyone noticed how flat it was now. " But is on his way to becoming a man. " he finishes.

You look up at him, only to find him smirking down at you. It didn't take long for a smile to grow on your face. He accepted you.

" So wait -- does that mean you're gay now, Raph? " Mikey butts in again. This time, Leo pulls him back by the shell with a glare on his face, shaking his head at the younger turtle who then raises his hands in defense. " It was a genuine question! "

Now it was Donnie's turn to speak up. " A very invasive one, Mikey! I don't think they've got that figured out yet. "

Raph seemed to ponder over that question, though. Brow-ridges furrowed in concentration, before finally taking your hand in his.

" Yeah, Mikey, I guess it means I'm gay. But, only for y/n ~ "

/ Well, this concludes part 1 of the 'coming out, female to male' scanario! I do hope you guys like it so far - and don't be afraif to give me feedback! I'm definitely open to any constructive critisism for my future writings. I'll see you in the next part lovelies! ~ Arrow /

[all-that-tmnt-jazz]

sooo kind of a downer and if you wanna skip it i totally understand 💖 thank you for doing these !! but how do you think the bayverse turtles would react to their afab reader s/o not being able to get pregnant? like maybe they’ve been dating awhile and the boys keep mentioning how its gonna be when “they can finally start a family” and the reader has to break the news that they cant? i found out a few years back that i’ll never be able to give birth annnnd its been a process learning how to talk about it with anyone really. thank you again💙💜

Oo, this one will be interesting…

I’ve been off my posting game today- sorry fam

Warnings: Explicit mentions of infertility and diabetes

Incarnation: Bayverse.

Extra Info: Fem!Reader

Leo:

You two had been together for about six years, nearly seven

You were dating for about three years, then had an official/unofficial wedding officiated by Chief Vincent herself

You two had often talked about getting married, which led to that moment

But recently, Leo had been open about his want for children

You had held back the information that would prevent you from having children

You didn’t want to tell him

You were scared

You were still trying to wrap your head around accepting it, even though you’ve known for years

This night, Leo was thinking out loud as you two lay side-by-side in bed

“I just… Imagine it, y/n. A little creature that we would have created. I hope they’d have your personality, though. I can get a bit too aloof sometimes, and you’ve always been the one to point that out and stand up to it-”

“Leo…”

You looked at him as he quieted

He looked back at you, eyes full of love

It broke your heart

“What is it, Love?”

You looked back to the ceiling

“I’m infertile, Leo…”

You felt tension fill the room

You closed your eyes, not wanting to see what would happen

You felt him shift beside you

You felt an arm drape around your torso

“Y/n, look at me, please,” he whispered

You squeezed your eyes tighter

“Y/n, please…”

You released a long breath and opened your eyes

“How long have you known?”

You bit the inside of your cheek

“Since… Since we started dating. I was scared to tell you. I can’t even…”

You hated how you’re voice was starting to crack

“I’m struggling to accept it myself, and telling you…”

You closed your eyes again, letting out a small, pathetic whimper

Leo laid back down and pulled you to his plastron

“Me talking about it wasn’t helping, was it?”

You shook your head

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. I’m sorry…”

Raph:

You two have been dating for about four years

You had met him five years before, and finally started dating after months of fluttering around each other

And now, he kept talking about a future with you

You love it

You often talk about it while in his bed late at night

He always holds you close and thinks out loud

“Just picture it, Y/n. You and I… Married… I can’t believe I let myself think that sometimes, but I can’t help it when I’m lucky enough to be with you…”

You kiss him softly

“What else do you think of?” you ask

You were expecting something along the lines of ‘I can’t wait to call you my wife’

But that’s not what you got, not exactly

“I mean, I’ve always seen a future with you. You know, ‘husband and wife’ sorta deal. And like, y’know, one day maybe… Children. I’ve always imagined having our own one day…”

He seemed almost embarrassed by this, but you could sense how genuine he was being

The gentle tone in his voice gave you a pang in your chest

“Would you ever want to have children, Y/n?” he asked you

You couldn’t look at him

“I want to adopt.”

“What about having your own children, though?”

You closed your eyes

You remained silent for a while

Raph got up on his elbow and looked at you

“Y/n, what’s wrong? Did I say something wrong, or…?”

You shook your head, still unable to open your eyes to look at him

“Then, what’s wrong?”

“Raph, I…”

You took a deep breath.

“I can’t have my own children.”

There was a long pause

He was incredibly confused

“But, Y/n… What are you talking about?”

You opened your eyes and looked at him

“Raph, I’m trans.”

He became even more confused

“I fully transitioned before I met you, but… I was born a guy, Raph, and I don’t have a uterus.”

Raph looked away from you for a moment, then back at you

He smiled a bit

“So… You’re a woman?”

You beamed

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Y/n. Um… Can I kiss you?”

You pulled yourself up to him and pressed your lips against his

Once you two pulled away, he held you to his plastron

“You know, we could talk to Vincent about adopting if you want.”

Donnie:

He had always wanted children of his own

Especially after meeting

You two were newly weds after dating for two years when he brought it up

“I’ve never felt so lucky to have someone in my life. Now I get to spend it with the love of my life and our family…”

You tried to imagine your family as just you and him, and maybe a pet

But he always implied that he wanted children

It always hurt you to hear him talk about his hopes for how your children would look and act

He always hoped they would act like you because you were always honest with him

You felt guilty after hearing this

So, you sat him down

“Honey, what’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“I, um… Yeah.”

What a lie…

“You know I have diabetes.”

“Of course- I remember when you first told me and I made that whole meal plan to help balance your sugars.”

You smiled weakly at the memory

“Why do you bring it up? Is something getting worse?”

“No, no.”

You put your hands in your lap and looked at them for a moment

You took a deep breath

You looked at him

“I talked to my doctor.”

You saw the worry fill his expression

He was about to speak, but you stopped him

You blinked slowly, but kept eye contact

“Donnie… You keep saying you want children, and I get that, I just… It’ll kill me if I have children.”

You saw the gears click into place in his head

His expression filled with guilt

“Y/n… I… I’m sorry… I should’ve known…”

You hushed him and looked away

“You’re just excited-”

“But I know the risks, and yet I thought selfishly.”

“Donnie, listen to me. It’s not your fault I inherited diabetes. It’s not your fault I can’t have children.”

“But it’s my fault I kept bringing it up.”

You stood and held him close to you.

“It’s okay. We can figure this out.”

Mikey:

You had been dating for only a few months when the topic of becoming a family started conversations

He always lit up when he talked about Little Mikeys and Little Y/ns running around

And honestly, you did, too

Until you were having a conversation with your mother about your family tree

She told you that your aunts were all infertile, and that- out of her sisters- your mother was the only one who was able to have children

All of her sisters were infertile

She was afraid the gene skipped her and passed to you

You didn’t tell this to Mikey, of course

You didn’t want to worry him

But he, being a total empath, immediately noticed something was off

You just told him you were going to be going to the doctor to get some stuff checked out

Which wasn’t a lie

It was just… a half-truth.

So, a few days later, you found yourself in your doctor’s office explaining the situation

After you left, you went to your apartment instead of the Lair

You felt like you needed to be alone with a pint of ice cream

You felt bad for ignoring Mikey’s calls, but you didn’t have the emotional strength to face him right now

But what does he do? 

He comes to your apartment

“Angel! What happened?! You’ve had me worried sick!”

He engulfs you in a hug, careful not to smush your credit cream

When he lets go, he borrows your spoon and takes some ice cream 

You chuckle dryly

He sits next to you, suddenly much more serious than he usually is

“Talk to me, Y/n.”

You take a deep breath, wanting to disappear into your couch

“I’m…”

You can’t prevent tears from following

“Angel cakes, come here…”

He wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you next to him 

“I’m infertile, Mike…” you manage to whisper 

“What?”

“I’m infertile. I can’t get pregnant…”

He nods slowly, processing the information

It clicks, and he gasps slightly

Your cries turned into sobs

He moves the ice cream away and holds you impossibly closer

“I love you, Y/n. I’m not going anywhere…”

[remmushound]

Beyond the bay chapter 2: Uninvited Visitor

Back at the lair, Leo and Raph couldn’t help but be anxious. It was six. The sun was rising, the city was waking. The shadows that hid them in the night were fading fast, and still there were no signs of Donnie or Mikey. Leo had given them the hour to get their pictures and get back, but it had been almost twice that without word. Raph had suggested calling them but was quickly shut down by Leo; if their brothers happened to be in a position where stealth was mandatory, such an action could easily doom their brothers to being spotted. All they could do was wait.

Simply sitting around and waiting in the living room with his father and brother quickly proved too irksome for Raph to handle. He needed to be moving, doing something to keep his mind occupied and away from the infuriating worry of Donnie and, most importantly, Mikey. Without a word, he dismissed himself from his father and older brother in favor of busying himself with other matters— like getting himself ready for bed. 

The red toothbrush was his; the whole color-coding fiasco, as childish as it had grown to be, was useful in keeping his and his brothers’ stuff from getting mixed up. If they hadn’t had been marked with the distinctive bright colors, Raph was sure than one or all of his brothers would have absently selected the wrong toothbrush in their rush to get the nightly routine over with. 

Raph started to clean his teeth. Then he gave a curious growl as his arm was ticked with a faint breeze. Wind was very rare this deep in the sewer, and Raph doubted that the old rat or steadfast fearless leader would be rushing enough to be creating a breeze. What then…? 

Raph’s attention was drawn beside him, to the closed shower curtain; it seemed it too had caught the breeze, as it was swaying just barely, rings clanking together. Raph put one hand on his sai as he cleared the distance to the tub with a single, long stride. A flash of green had him slamming the curtains open to reveal an empty bathtub.

Raph huffed, his lips curling up to flash canines as he shook his head. There was a slam, and several solid thud-like footsteps that faded away faster than Raph could turn around. The door was closed now, and in the process of bouncing back open.

“Oh hell no!” Raph slammed the door open completely with his shoulder, both hands planted firmly on his sai as he ran back down the hall. “No demon getting my ass today! LEO!”

“What?” Leo’s tone was sharper than he had intended, irritation so strong that it leaked out into the very words he spoke. Then, like it was popped with a needle, the storm clouds of worry poofing away at the sight of Raph, suds overflowing his mouth and toothbrush still hanging out of his lips. “Hey, hey— what’s up?”

“There was a damn demon in the bathroom!”

“What?” Leo narrowed his eyes slowly.

Splinter left Leo’s side in favor of venturing to the second son, raising a hand to stroke the bowed Raph’s cheek with a gentle paw. 

The lair was then filled with an alarm of incoming. Leo swore under his breath so his father couldn’t hear as he backed up and prepared for a dash to the weapon room. The voice that came down the tunnel seconds later was one familiar to him.

“Leo!” Donnie came around the corner just as Leo registered his brother's voice. “Leo Leo Leo Leo Leo—“

Donnie shuffled down the tunnel as quickly as he dared risk with the precious cargo in his arms. Six hundred pounds of dead weight was never easy to carry, and several times his footing had started to slip as he descended the sloping entrance. Raph and Leo were there quickly to take the burden off of their brother, Raph taking on the brunt of Mikey’s weight while Leo split his attention between both Mikey and Donnie. The worried father followed quickly, whiskers tickling Mikey’s neck while he weaved to avoid getting under his sons’ feet.

“What happened?” Leo demanded; he was supporting Mikey’s head while the groggy younger turtle tried to swipe him away, muttering some incoherence.

“I don’t know. We were taking pictures and he just shut down. He’s— he’s conscious but— but I don’t know.”

But Donnie did know. At least, he was almost sure he knew. The muscle spasm, the slurred speech, dazed look. The way Mikey was staring and the way he slumped and almost fell off of the roof. Donnie had a theory that clutched him like a cold claw but he knew better than to voice it until it was no longer just a theory, but a proven reality. They made it to the needle room. With Leo’s gentle guidance, he and Raph put Mikey down on the bed while Donnie scrambled to grab all the supplies he needed.

“Mm…” Mikey winced as Donnie held his eyelids open to assess the pupils. Mikey tried to pull away, his arm tensing as he made an attempt to lift it and further resist the exam, but it refused to listen. “Heavy…”

“I know Mike…” Donnie soothed gently, then quickly leaned over to Raph, “Keep him still if you can.”

Raph nodded and put his hands gently on Mikey’s shoulders, leaning in just enough weight to keep Mikey still while Donnie examined the right arm, massaging deft fingers across it. Mikey yelled and tried to sit up, but Raph was there to correct the attempt. He shushed his baby brother gently and leaned his head down to press his forehead to Mikey’s. After a moment, Mikey pressed back and gave a cluck of gratitude. Donne finished up his exam.

“How is he?” Splinter asked, looking up to his purple-clad son. In the black of the rat's eyes reflected worry for his youngest; he took Mikey’s hand in his own and kissed it to let Mikey know he was there. Mikey giggled and squeezed his father's hand in turn.

“He’s awake— that, that’s good right?” Leo asked urgently.

Donnie took a sharp breath through his nose. He opened his mouth to say something, then shook his head and let out an exasperated breath.

“Raph— could you get Mikey some water? He’s probably really thirsty.”

“O-oh— yeah.” Despite his agreement, Raph didn't immediately move away. He kept his head pressed against Mikey’s for several seconds longer before a touch on his shoulder made him naturally look up to acknowledge the second presence.

No words were exchanged between Donnie or Raph, the details in their eyes telling the other brother everything they needed to know. Donnie gave a soft chuff, but that was all. Raph left without looking back, because he knew if he did look back, he wouldn’t be able to leave. Get to the kitchen, get lemon water, and get back. That was his task and he repeated it multiple times over in his head before he had even reached the kitchen.

Tap water would be just fine, right? He had already filled up the glass before he shook his head and dumped out the glass. No, his brother deserved better. The water filter was broken yet again as another example of the ‘machines hating Leo’ situation that was a constant in their life. First it was the toaster, and now it was like almost every kitchen appliance fearless touched rejected him. He was still adamant that Donnie must have programmed it to always happen. Raph laughed and shook his head as various examples of the struggle between turtle and machine came to his mind. A bottled water would do just fine. He poured half of it into a dense mug, then added ice because he knew how Mikey loved the crunch. He got the lemons last; this was his kitchen, his space, so he knew exactly where to find the fruit and the knife appropriate to cut with.

Raph added half of the slices; instead of just throwing the other half of the sour fruit away, he simply tossed it into his mouth and ate it whole. Bitter as it was, food was still food, and he refused to waste one bit of it. Another rush of wind tickled Raph’s carapace, but to the turtle it was like being hit with a brick. Especially when he saw the specter appear behind him, hurrying past the kitchen door with a steady clank clank clank of heavy footsteps. Raph swore loudly, rushing to place the water on the counter and free his hands up to grab his sai. Whatever that thing was, no way it could be left wandering the lair with his little brother hurt! Not if he had anything to say about it, and he did.

He pursued the distant steps, his strides long enough to close the distance in enough time to see the curtains that sectioned off Donnie’s lab flutter. 

“Got you now you little—” Raph yanked the curtains open, flashing his weapons in a threat against—!

Nothing. There was nothing there. There was no spot in Donnie’s lab that could hide anyone of any significant size, but maybe if the intruder was small…? That was the only explanation because Donnie’s lab was tucked into a corner and there would have been no way for the stranger to escape without Raph seeing him. Raph started to look in every nook and cranny that held the possibility of hiding someone. Under desks, behind machines, behind the monitors. Whatever it was had disappeared into thin air! Or maybe…

Raph found his eyes drifting to a particular artifact on Donnie’s shelf; an M-shaped medallion with a cross through the middle of it, glistening gold and orange. A fiberglass casing protected the special gift from their counterparts that they had yet to use. The past two years had been very eventful, and it was with a heavy sigh Raph realized that, with all the visits their counterparts had made to see them, they had yet to return the favor and visit the other world. Even after going so long without a visit from their other selves, Leo had still denied every request to visit them instead. Raph felt a weight in his throat. He missed his friends, and he hoped they were okay. It had been six months with no word from them…

“Raph?” Leo’s sharp words cut through Raph’s somber thoughts. Raph looked over his shoulder to see Leo come into the lab, nostrils flaring his frustration as he confronted his brother. “What are you doing in here?”

“I… I was just…” Raph didn't know how to explain it, so his words fell short. He half-motioned over to the pendant gift, and then around at the lab. 

Leo sighed and shook his head. “You were supposed to be getting water for Mikey. Come on.”

Raph wanted to think of a snarky remark, but nothing came to mind as he followed Leo out of the lab.