#for reasons too complicated to explain right now but she needs it. so i need it. so whatever i’m doing it

[livvyofthelake]

i mean i know there ARE other technically easy ways to get scenes for this video besides screen recording from youtube but screen recording from youtube is very easy. except for when i can’t find a high quality video of the one scene that i desperately need. ok fine time to resort to other measures

[fuxuannie]

❥﹒ken sato x gender neutral reader

✦. synopsis — romantic headcanons about our favourite baseball player!

✦. love mail — i finished the movie and i loved his character development, simply the sweetest thing <3

✦. tags — SPOILERS, fluff, dadgirl kenji, kenji sato x reader, i have not written in several months, i wrote this w my brain off ( ´͈ ᗨ `͈ ) aka i was just SPITTING whatever brain rot came to mind

I imagine Kenji to be the clingy, but doesn’t want to be type. He loves you, so much, so dearly. But affection isn’t his strong suit, especially not after what happened with his family. He shut out emotions for years, at least towards others. So this feeling of love, a nostalgic one, tends to clash with the walls he’s put up. He’ll hold you in his arms, burying his face in your shoulder, only for hours later to cringe at himself. He’s talked to you about it a thousand times, and he’s listened to you reassure him twice as many. He adores your patience with him, it's something he’s never really had.. especially with so much pressure on his shoulders.

Explaining his identity was surely no easy feat, you thought dating the most iconic and popular baseball players was the hardest thing? Imagine dating Ultraman, who came home to you every other week with some new injury. You always wondered why the reason was so simple for such a complicated wound, “I spilled boiling water on myself,” He explains with burn marks that are far more severe than expected. “I fell down the stairs”, he’ll say after landing in the hospital.. It didn’t make sense. And now that it does and you know the true reasons, your concern is far worse. Though he doesn’t mind the extra attention you give. ;)

Meeting his dad for the first time was.. nerve-wracking. You know how Kenji talks about him, and you weren’t sure what kind of impression you’ll make. But here you were, sitting on a couch and fiddling with your thumbs until you hear a doorbell. Before Kenji could even stand, you rushed to your feet and practically sprinted for the door, only to open it slowly and gently to reveal the kind old man standing outside. “Hello.” Cut to maybe an hour later, you’re laughing at old pictures of Kenji as he sits next to you and an arm wrapped around your shoulder. The two had a long path of forgiveness and understanding ahead, but Kenji appreciated that you brought him and his father together.

Thought the dad was scary? Imagine his daughter. As expected, the moment you walk into the room - distress. Emi’s starting to cry, an unfamiliar presence is in the room and it scares her. You’ve done a few babysitting jobs here and there, and she was really just like a child. Kenji apologized for her outburst and transforms to calm her down, opening the lid and picking her up under her arms. “No no, don’t cry.” His voice soothes her, and almost immediately - she’s okay again. It’ll take a few minutes, it really isn’t long until she trusts too you. Kenji found it adorable, how you played with her so casually.. many would be terrified, and rightfully so - but to him? It just displays your kind heart. My God did he love you.

Remember first headcanon? Right, to add to that, he’s not very good at vulnerability either. He’ll love to comfort you when you cry, or hold you when you need him. But if the roles were reversed? Absolutely not. He’s uncomfortable and you can see it, one look into his eyes and it’s like looking through glass.. he hates being open about his true feelings. Even if it’s with you.. the walls he’s built for 20 years aren’t easy to break, you know? But if you’re patient, and you take your time and say the right words – he’ll crack. And like a dam breaking, the water flows in an uncontrollable wave of sadness. He’ll sob, he’ll break, and he’ll need you more than anything. He doesn’t know how to feel about breaking down, but the way you hold him in your arms and whisper sweet nothings to comfort him, he could get used to it.

But on a lighthearted note, he loves dates! Most have to be in his home, because Emi can be clingy (got it from his dad), but you don’t mind. It’s sweet, he’ll have you play baseball with her or all you do is cuddle ontop of her, it’s the cutest little thing. But other times, when you go out– it’s just the two of you. And upon special request from Kenji for Mina to babysit her while you're there, you two get alone time. and it’s everything to him. The smallest affection has his heart racing like a teenage boy again, wrapping your arm around his, holding his hand, kissing him? Goodness, you’ve got him wrapped around your finger and you don’t even know it. You and Emi are his world, and he’ll do everything to protect it. Other days, you, him, and and his father go out to the home in the woods for some personal time. You get to talk about his childhood with him and you talk about yours. There’s such a tender and unforgettable atmosphere when you’re with them. And you truly feel like you belong.

Overotectiveness, he was full of it. He’s lost so much, and all he wanted was for you to not go either. Nothing, nothing could stop his rage at the idea of you being hurt. You, Emi, anyone else important to him. He’ll take on the world for his family, and by the will of his parents he has. The pain he’s endured, the scars you scold him for so much are for you. If one threat escapes the city, that’s one likely chance he loses you. So he does everything he can to handle it. You’ve never gotten hurt, but the idea of it is enough for him to strive to be stronger.

While recovering from the explosion, you never left his side. It pained you to see him so still, lack of life. He’d usually be pacing back and forth in the room, rambling about something, and when you’d call him a nerd or dork, he'd run to you and playfully attack you with kisses. His arms around you tightly as you two would laugh your worries away, you didn’t have that privilege. You’d either laugh alone or not at all, the pain all too much. When he wakes up, best believe you’re there, and you just cry at the sight of his arms opening. You know his body is far too unstable for a hug, so you squeeze his hand. How grateful you are to feel him squeeze back.

With Mina and Emi gone, the house feels a little more lonely.. but Kenji’s adjusting. Especially because you moved in! He’s able to spend more time with you in bed since he didn’t have to tend to Emi, which was a nice plus. He woke up earlier than you (force of habit.) and he’d just.. stare. Maybe it was a little creepy, but seeing you sound asleep in his arms gave him such joy. He loved the little domestic moments he shared with you, it had him appreciating all the smaller things in life. Like sharing a meal with you, or watching movies together. You made him love the simpler aspects of living.

[konniesreality]

smh y’all still over complicating the “void” state? Omg can we stooop. We are too old for this now 😭 can we please stop calling it the “void state”? that’s not even the OG name?? It’s the I AM STATE.

this isn’t some “void motivation 🥺” post or some shi like that it’s a wake up call, cuz oms y’all need it. Neville explained the “void” as a deep meditation that, in his exact words, is a “SURPRISINGLY EASY ACCOMPLISHMENT.” Tbh y’all saw it, when i had this blog up and running when it was at its peak I would post void challenges and everyone else was doing it too. I took a long hiatus bc I was focusing on my own life and the drama around the “vOiD sTaTe” was just too much for me lol

but now im preaching the right thing, the I AM state is literally you simply just:

1. Relaxing

2. Affirming I AM

…that’s literally it?

I feel like it be on y’all’s minds 24/7 like I wake up and I don’t even think ab the i am state I’m literally thinking about brushing my teeth and school and asking my mom if she can take me shopping and about the upcoming football game and what the theme is gonna be likeeee 😭

it’s not even hard to get into? You literally are just relaxing and AFFIRMING, like ya don’t need subliminals (if it helps then sure) ya don’t need a self concept or a “void concept” like wth is that?? Y’all creating your own fandom around a meditation like it literally has names and abbreviations for it?? Like HUUUH.

“I am a master voider” like hello? A baby can literally get into this meditation YALL stop plzzz. Yes you can manifest instantly with it. The reason you don’t hear about the I AM state is cuz not a lot of ppl now about it except tumblr if you think ab it. And I remember when y’all were going crazy about sammy ingram saying y’all were going nuts but NEWS FLASH she was right. like we not gonna keep sugarcoating this and acting all sweet like no.

Also you guys are always being like “But when I affirm and it doesn’t work 🥺” “I don’t feel symptoms” LIKE AHHH? Symptoms??? THE REASON YOU ARENT SO CALLED “ENTERING” is because YOURE FOCUSING TOO HARD!! Like when you’re playing a sport and you’re tryna get a goal or something and you’re saying “don’t mess up” over and over again and then you mess up. Yep you just let ya team down!! I did that in volleyball and figure skating and guess what I MESSED UP. LIKE?? Can we use logic plz?

it’s a meditation. It’s a meditative state. You don’t need subliminals. You don’t need challenges. You don’t need a 10k affirmation challenge. You don’t need ANYTHING. so please shut up and go meditate. You can do it right now, tomorrow, in a month, before you fall asleep bc your subconscious is open to suggestion, idc.

[tacticaldiary]

Frayed Stitches Don't Hold

A Fighting Chance Pt.2

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Genre: It's a surprise, wouldn't wanna spoil the ending

"I love you," She whispers when he sags against her, his shoulders hunching inwards. "I will always love you, "When she gently pushes him back with a hand to his chest he goes, levels eyes so pained with hers it nearly knocks her breath away.

"But I can't love you right now." She finishes anyway, her throat thick with tears. "And I think you can't love me the way you want either."

Part 1, Masterlist

The first few days are good.

They're so good, she feels her heart stitching together with every 'I love you', every bouquet of flowers, and every night spent together. He's determined to show her that he means it, that he can fix it all if it means he gets to stay. If it means she stays.

Mornings, afternoons and nights all spent together, it almost feels like when they first started dating.

But then there's a phonecall.

During one of their movie nights, Simon's phone rings that special ringtone they both know well. He loosens a sigh, kisses her forehead and excuses himself, assuring her he'd be back in a second.

And he is. He is back a few moments later but even as she's pressed against him, head on his chest, his mind is somewhere else. She can feel it, feel that he's thinking about what Price had said over the phone.

He's late to bed that day, claiming he needs to call Price back for a moment. "Just a second." He'd said, shutting the door behind him.

The stitching around her heart starts to fray, starts to pull and snap as he starts pulling away again, slipping into his office at randoms times, then coming back out a minute or an hour later like he forgot he's not supposed to be there.

On the 7th day, he doesn't come to bed at all.

                               · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·  

"It's not working." She says at the breakfast table the next day, eyes downcast at the pancakes she'd made the both of them.

The clink of Simon's fork stops, and when she looks up he's staring at her as if waiting for her to elabourate.

"You can't not have noticed." She prods at him, setting her cutlery down. "Simon...it's not working." Picking up her plate, she takes it to the kitchen counter to distract herself from his heavy gaze.

"Well it won't happen overnight." He tries to reason.

"It's been several overnights." She shakes her head, turns to face him. "You're here but you're not here. It doesn't matter what you do, doesn't matter what I do, because you're always going to be back at base."

"I'm right here." He says, frustration creeping into his voice. "I don't understand-"

"You stopped coming to bed. You stopped spending the day with me yesterday. You're in your office again, won't eat meals with me," She tries to get through with him, tries to explain as he gets up and strides over to her.

"Stop-" He says, but it's not with his usual easy confidence.

She shakes her head, keeps pushing on. "It's just like I said. It was good for a while but it'll never stay that way-" His arms wind around her, her back to the kitchen counter,

"It's not like that-"

"It is!" Her eyes sting with tears unshed now. "It is exactly like that, and you know it too! I see the way you look when you come out of your office like you've forgotten! I know you know, Simon, and ignoring it is only going to eat at the both of us!" Tears slip down her face now, and it cracks something deep inside Simon, seeing her so distraught because of him.

She's right. Because of course she is. Price had called with a complication to one of their previous op's and he'd just...he'd started to go back there. He knows, he knows.

"The sooner you accept it the easier it'll-" He kisses her mid-sentence, cutting her off and it's so sweet and filled with more feeling than he could ever articulate.

"It's not working." She whispers against his lips, salty with tears. "Please...please let me go."

His arms tighten around her, and he kisses her harder, tries to convey everything his tongue fails to put into words. How she's the only thing worth fighting for in a word so dreary, that she might be the only source of warmth he's ever felt in his heart since the day he walked into his family's massacre.

That she made him feel alive. She coaxed some of his humanity back, showed him not everything had to be cold and harsh and diciplined.

She brought him back.

But not enough of him.

"I love you," She whispers when he sags against her, his shoulders hunching inwards. "I will always love you, "When she gently pushes him back with a hand to his chest he goes, levels eyes so pained with hers it nearly knocks her breath away. "But I can't love you right now." She finishes anyway, her throat thick with tears. "And I think you can't love me the way you want either."

His eyes are glassy, his jaw tight, but his lips are sealed. No protest, no arguement.

Just miserable acceptance.

"Maybe we can try again if the time is right later." She says softly, runs a hand through his hair and tries to relish the feeling of it for the last time. "If there's nobody else then-"

"There won't be anyone else." Simon rasps, and he sounds so sure and honest, that it makes her heart flutter. "Nobody else, love. It'll always be you."

"I think you're it for me too." She admits. "But not like this." She watches the line of his throat as he swallows hard. "Not right now." Her lips press against his cheek and it's almost too much to bear.

"I love you." He mutters.

"I know." She assures.

"I love you." He repeats almost to himself.

Was this something he was destined for? To see anything and everyone he loved just...leave? Walk away, get murdered in front of him? Something inside him rages in indignation, anger at himself, at the worlds, and all he wants to do is spend a few hours in the base's shooting range-

Oh.

That was the problem, wasn't it?

His instincts were the problem. Most of what he knows is the cool metal of a gun, the blind loyalty of his team and the comfort of a structure he's known since he can remember. Every problem can be solved by a mix of indifference and a pistol, right?

It's the softer part of life he's not used to. The part that expects him to talk and communicate his anger instead of shooting at a cardboard target for an hour until he's cooled down. It wants him to weave a type of softness and understanding into his demeanor that he's not grown up knowing.

It's what she deserves.

And something he needs to teach himself.

With the thought settling like an ache in his bones, all Simon does is press his forehead to her shoulder, arms still around her waist. Her hand rubs soothing circles on his back, one tangled into his hair the way he likes. It's almost funny, isn't he the one who should be comforting her? Isn't she the one that went through the brunt of his ignorance?

But then again, she's always been the better person.

"I'm not stayin' away from you forever." It's Simon who pulls away first, fixes her with a grave but intense look. "I'll come back for you, yeah? Not letting you get away that easy, love."

"I'll count the days." She smiles, watery and flimsy but real.

They stand there in each other's space, breathing, existing for as long as they can, soaking in the second until they have to pull away and face their new reality.

Reblog, Like and Comment!

(9/11/2023)

[wosoamazing]

Birth

Baby x3 | Baby, Baby... Baby?

Summary: The triplets are born.

Warnings: Surgery, Hospitals

“You’re okay, bebé, just focus on me,” Alexia told you, causing your roaming eyes to focus on her, and she smiled at you from where she sat, just next to your head on a stool, you smiled back slightly, clearly nervous, you didn’t like surgery, it scared you, and truth be told neither did Alexia but she had to stay strong for you, “I love you, you’re doing amazing bebé, just try and relax for me,” you nodded before closing your eyes, willing yourself to be anywhere else. 

Alexia didn’t know if you would actually be able to last the whole time needed for the procedure, especially when a tear rolled down the side of your face, followed by a few more. She quickly wiped them away before squeezing your hand, and kissing your forehead, she couldn’t help but feel this was her fault, you opted out of having general anaesthesia for many reasons, but one of which was that Alexia couldn’t be there if you had chosen it, and it was only fair that she got to witness this too. 

Alexia watched as your midwife asked the doctor something quietly, to which he nodded before she went to the anesthesiologist and asked him too, and he nodded before starting to set up something else, whilst your midwife approached Alexia.

-

“Bebé, would you like to try some nitrous oxide? See if it helps? It’s okay if not but we just thought to offer. Maybe see if it will help you relax slightly?” Alexia asked you softly and you gave a hesitant nod.

Alexia was handed the mouthpiece from the anesthesiologist, and she then turned all her focus back on you “bebé, I’m just going to separate our hands for a moment, okay?” she did so and soon your hand was placed over hers. She gently brought the mouthpiece to your mouth and you took a few breaths before pulling it back, and after a few more breaths you felt yourself relax slightly more, enough so that you felt comfortable enough to open your eyes and look at her, giving her a small smile.

——————

“Okay, everyone ready, first baby will be out soon,” you looked at Alexia and she smiled and nodded, you both weren’t going to really get a view of the babies before they had to be taken away, being born at 33 weeks there was a large unknown as to how much support they would need and what complications would arise meaning each baby having a NICU team ready for them in the OR.

After what felt like forever the surgery was finally over and you were wheeled back to a private recovery room. Where Alexia sat by your side once again, watching you as you fought back sleep.

“Bebé, if you’re tired sleep, I’ll wake you up if the doctors come in, and I promise I won’t leave you, I love you so much, and I am incredibly proud of you,” you nodded your head at her, mumbling an “I love you too,” before falling asleep.

Your midwife walks in just minutes later and Alexia goes to wake you, “No need to wake her, I’m just checking her blood pressure and other vitals,” she says and Alexia nods, “Also the babies are good, they obviously still have to do all the tests and things could change especially within the next hour or so but so far everything is looking good,” Alexia nods once again, worried she might cry if she opened her mouth.

“Is it alright if I let a visitor in?” your perinatologist asks as he walks in, and Alexia nods hesitantly, “as we spoke about in your plan I’ve already explained everything that happened to her,” he continued as Eli walked in and over to her daughter.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” he said before he left, your midwife following him.

“You’re a Mami now,” Eli said softly, hyper aware that you were sleeping just beside her.

“Sí, I just hope it was the right decision,” 

“What do you mean?”

“She was so scared Mami, they gave her nitrous oxide to help her calm down and it did help slightly but not that much, it’s why she is sleeping now, she was on the verge of a panic attack the whole time, she’s exhausted, and I feel bad, it’s because of me, she stayed awake because of me,”

“From what I heard you were very very good to her though, and you both had many conversations about it, she’d even spoken to me about what to do and ultimately I think she wanted you there with her more than she didn’t want to be awake,” Alexia just nodded and hummed, before getting out of her chair.

“Sit,” she practically ordered her mother, before she moved to stand beside your bed, softly brushing some strands of hair out of your face, causing you to stir slightly.

“Ale,” you said groggily.

“Sorry bebé, you don’t need to be awake, are you feeling okay though?”

“Mm-hmm, lie with me?” you said, you were already positioned over to one side of the bed, and so Alexia carefully slipped into the bed beside you, before you placed your head on her shoulder, promptly falling back asleep.

“She is definitely not mad at you,” Eli laughed slightly, earning her a harsh glare from her eldest.

“They’re perfect,” you whispered as you held two of the babies against your chest, a blanket covering you and them, Alexia sat beside you, holding the other against her chest.

“You did an amazing job Bebé, thank you,” she replied, as soft tears fell down her cheeks

“I can’t believe we’re mami’s now,” you told her, and looked at her. 

“I love you bebé,” Alexia said before placing a soft kiss on your lips.

Mapi was sitting on the bus, with her headphones in as the team travelled up to Bunyol for their game against Levante when she received a message from you and Alexia with a photo. You both looked to be shirtless as you sat side by side on the small hospital bed, two small babies laid on your chest covered by a blanket, and beside you one baby laid on Alexia’s chest, also covered by a blanket. You and Alexia both looked absolutely exhausted, and at the bottom of the picture Mapi could see several wires coming out from under the blankets that were clearly connected to the babies. Yet you were still both beaming. 

Your god daughters are here. Meet Estella María Putellas, Mila María Putellas, and Livia María Putellas born 21 March 2020 at 11:00am.

As Mapi felt tears begin to fall from her eyes a collective gasp was heard from the rest of the team. Alexia had sent the exact same photo to the team group chat just minutes after the message to Mapi was sent.

[quin-ns]

Matchmaker (Joel Miller x Reader)

Word count: 1.8K

Summary: ellie knows joel has feelings for you and proceeds to annoy him relentlessly about it

Tags: basically just all fluff, humor, age gap, ellie being ellie and messing with joel, mutual pining, love confessions (more of a realization but whatever), friends to lovers implied, ellie is a great wingman

Request: anon: “It would be so cute to have Ellie basically shipping Joel and the reader, like her being a little matchmaker. If you chose to write this do with it what you want that’s all I got. Would love to see what you do!”

A/N: this was actually my first time writing for joel while having ellie play a part and I gotta say it was super fun! I really loved this idea <3

cross-posted to ao3 • tlou masterlist • writing masterlist

“You are so,” Ellie argued, a cocky grin on her face as she taunted Joel from his side.

“I’m not,” he grumbled back, not wanting to be on this topic with Ellie. 

The kid had gotten the idea in her head that Joel had feelings for you. Thing was—she wasn’t wrong. But Joel had yet to tell you and he didn’t need Ellie blabbing or pestering him about it.

But Ellie was Ellie, so the latter was exactly what she was doing. It had been a while now and he couldn’t get her to quit it. Denying it wasn't going to work it seemed.

“You’re definitely into her. I won’t say the L word again, but you’re not fooling anyone. You’ve got, like, heart eyes for her, dude,” Ellie pointed out. “God—how did I not notice before?”

“Drop it,” Joel told her. You were walking ahead of them, curiosity driving you to increase your pace. You weren’t that far because Joel could still see you—he would’ve been too worried if he couldn’t—but you were far enough ahead that thankfully you couldn’t hear Ellie clearly. Still, he didn’t want to risk it.

After everything that had happened, he couldn’t risk a strain being put on your relationship. Not when you and Ellie were all he had in the world right now. You all had bigger things to worry about, like the fact that the winter was growing harsher as you were heading north.

“She probably likes you too,” Ellie commented, sounding awfully sure of herself. “I mean, there’s gotta be a reason she’s put up with you this long.”

Joel let out a scoff. “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?” 

Ellie shrugged. “I will if you tell her.”

Joel shot her a confused look, a slight frown on his lips and his eyebrows furrowed. “Why do you care so much?” he asked accusingly. 

“Because I like you, and I like Y/N, and I think it’s nice you make each other happy,” Ellie explained easily. “Plus, you’re less grumpy with her and that’s pretty refreshing,” she threw in the slight jab at the last minute. It’s not like it was false.

Joel just made a sound, like a “hmph,” and looked back ahead. His eyes landed on you. As if you could sense it, you looked over your shoulder and threw him a reassuring smile. 

A smile of his own tugged at Joel’s lips. 

“See?” Ellie spoke up. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

The smile faded into an annoyed expression as he looked back at Ellie. She was just smirking to herself, like she’d busted him or something. 

She stared up at him for a moment, then looked back ahead. “You’re just grouchy because I’m right,” Ellie sassed. She didn’t need to look at Joel to see his eye roll. 

They walked in silence for about a minute. During that minute, Joel was relieved. He didn’t feel the need to discuss his inner thoughts and feelings about you with someone that wasn’t you. As far as he was concerned, his love for you was none of Ellie’s business and wouldn’t even be yours until the time was right.

He was going to tell you. Eventually. Maybe it was taking him longer than he thought because of how complicated things had gotten on the journey, but he’d find the time. Soon… if he could work up the nerve to.

There were moments where Joel saw a spark there, between the two of you. And apparently he wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he thought, so maybe on some level you knew and even reciprocated. If Ellie thought there was something there, than maybe—

“All I ask is that can you not do it near me if you guys want to have se—”

“Ellie!” Joel snapped, cutting her off. 

Because of the sudden loudness, you halted and turned around. “Everything okay?” you called back to Joel and Ellie, concern present in your voice.

“We’re fine!” Ellie shouted back and gave you a thumbs up. 

Joel didn’t say anything, still thrown off. He had not been expecting her to go there and really, really was in desperate need of a change of topic with the fourteen year old. He gave her a look, silently telling her to knock it off.

“What?” Ellie asked defensively, but also clearly very amused with herself. “It’s a valid request.”

“Knock it off,” Joel said out loud this time instead of just thinking it like before. 

“Fine,” Ellie feigned defeat. She fiddled with the straps on her backpack, gripping them in her gloved palms. Then, she took off in a light jog. 

“Where are you going?” Joel yelled after her.

“I’m gonna bother Y/N now!” she called, not looking back. Ellie caught up to you and slowed her pace. Joel didn’t know if he should be worried or not, but he hung back anyway. 

“Hi,” Ellie greeted you when you noticed her presence. She was kinda hard to miss.

“What’s up, Ellie?” you asked kindly, giving her a once over. “Everything okay?” you glanced back at Joel and found he was fine too. 

“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine,” Ellie assured. “Just thought I’d check on you.”

“You’re checking on me? I’m touched,” you told her with a hint of sarcasm overlaying your appreciation. Ellie didn’t do much without a reason and between her and Joel’s muffled argument behind you and the devious little smirk on her face, you suspected she was up to something. “Seriously, what’s up?”

“What do you think of Joel?” Ellie questioned vaguely.

You laughed a little. “That sounds like a loaded question,” you commented.

“Huh?” She furrowed her brows, not getting the term. “I mean like, do you like him?” she clarified. 

Another laugh from you. So you were right. “Of course I like Joel. What kind of question is that?” you wondered. “He’s my friend, has been for a long time.”

“Okay but, like, do you think he’s handsome?” Ellie pried bluntly, looking up at you for your reaction. You were a little taken aback, then amused.

“Where is this coming from?”

“Just… curious,” she lied. Ellie looked over her shoulder at Joel briefly. “So, do you?” 

Ellie looked up at you and found you glancing back at Joel yet again. A small smirk appeared on your face. You leaned down a little and whispered to her, “Of course I do. I’m not blind.”

Ellie laughed at that, enjoying the feeling of gossiping a little more than she realized. You were going along with it—you were always a good sport. 

“Do you think you’d date him?” Ellie pushed, seeing how much she could get away with in this ‘girl talk’ scenario.

Ellie considered you a close friend at this point, something she never had that many of. Sure Joel was a friend too, but he was also like a dad. And there was just something special about having a girl friend that she could talk to. While with Joel she usually had to annoy him into talking about life stuff (a few minutes ago being an example), you would be open to the conversations just because. You didn’t treat her like a kid despite being older—probably because you were closer to her age than Joel’s anyway.

That’s why if you liked Joel, Ellie wanted you to know that he did too. Even if she gave Joel a hard time and sometimes (but very rarely) did the same to you, you both deserved to be happy. 

“What do you think?” you turned the question. 

Ellie shrugged. “I know he’s kinda old and kinda grumpy, but he’s a good guy,” Ellie campaigned on Joel’s behalf. “He cares about you a lot.”

You smiled to yourself. “Yeah, I know,” you admitted. “I care about him too. A lot.”

“As more than just a friend?” Ellie needed to know, the anticipation was killing her. 

She didn’t know when she suddenly got so invested in your and Joel’s relationship status. Of course because she cared about you both, but she could also blame it on the months of boredom. Finally something interesting was happening. 

And what you said next was definitely interesting.

“Yeah,” you revealed with a little nod. “For a while now.”

There was a light smile on your face that made Ellie smile too.

Ellie looked over her shoulder at Joel once again and her gaze met his. She wondered what he’d say if he heard what you had just said. She didn’t think he did because he looked suspicious, silently asking her what she was doing. She looked back forward. Oh boy, if only he knew.

“That’s interesting,” Ellie mused. “Because I happen to have some information.”

You raised your brows at her, hearing the knowing tone laced heavy in her voice. “Oh?”

Joel couldn’t take not knowing anymore. You and Ellie had both kept looking back at him—definitely talking about him. He picked up the pace a little, not really jogging but more like speed walking. You and Ellie had slowed your pace a little before, caught up in conversation, so it didn’t take him long to place himself on your opposite side.

“How’s it goin’ up here?” Joel asked as casually as he could manage, drawing attention to himself. 

Ellie moved to walk backwards in front of you and Joel. She didn’t miss a step as she eyed you both. 

“Good news, Joel,” Ellie addressed him cheekily. “She likes you too.”

His eyes went wide. Ellie just bit back a laugh and left it at that, turning on her heel and picking up the pace to get ahead of you two. She stayed in line of sight, but out of the strangling zone (she wasn’t actually worried, but she knew she was being a menace so she kept a distance). Not a far enough distance to be out of earshot, though. 

She had to hear this after all her work.

“So,” Joel started flatly. He looked down at you just as you looked at him. Then you both turned your heads straight forward and kept walking in tandem. “I guess I should ask what she said?”

“Well, she was asking me a lot of questions about how I felt about you,” you recalled, sounding very entertained by the whole situation. “Kinda had a feeling for where it was going.” 

Joel heaved out a dramatic sigh. “Kid’s not subtle, is she?” he asked rhetorically. You both knew the answer to that.

You laughed. “Not at all.” 

The sound of you laughing and your words made Joel relax. He let a chuckle fall past his lips. 

Ellie looked back at you and Joel, the sound of you two laughing together making her smile. 

“Oh look, she’s staring at us,” you pointed out, nodding your head at her. Ellie whipped her head back around as if trying to pretend she hadn’t been watching you two. “Did we really just get set up by a fourteen year old?”

Joel scoffed out an amused sound. “Yeah, I think we did.” 

joel taglist: @the-ice-frozen-ground-red-rose @dontphunkwithmylove @cilliansangel @amethystwonders11 @frogsmuahh037 @andy-rocks @melllinaa @alitaar @melanie451 @b00kw0rmsworld @reverieisaway

if you would like to be added to the joel taglist just send me an ask or a message!

[yesimwriting]

Pulling Away

A/n did i write smut for once? yeah. also timeline wise is this perfectly accurate? it’s iffy,, but this fic isn’t about the plot too much so it’s okay

Summary: You’re not the only one that’s feeling a little territorial thanks to the influx of people you’re around in Jackson. 

warnings: 18+, implied age gap, no condom, a tiny bit manipulative if you squint, brief mention of losing virginity.

----

He’s not a force of nature, no matter how hard he might pretend to be for the sake of those around him. Joel can’t actually change anything. So the shift in temperature you feel as Joel stills has to be a byproduct of what’s in your head. 

The kind of burning cold that better fits a fever runs through you and you hate yourself for it. This isn’t the first time you’ve been delusional when it comes to him. 

You’re working off of a quarter of his face against low lighting. It doesn’t make sense for you to be able to feel so much from the little of him that you can see. It’s not anger. Or at least, not just that. There’s definitely a subdued rage radiating from him, but it’s undercut by something that punches you straight in the gut. 

Maybe you’re being a little unfair, but you have a right to it at this point. You can’t follow him around blindly like some kind of puppy forever. Especially now that you’re both settled enough to be able to think of things outside of pure survival.

“Ellie’s asleep.” A flat observation that you can’t explain. Maybe it’s the need to break the silence, or maybe it’s a genuine attempt at making things feel normal. You two should still be able to talk. You never wanted that to end. “Swore she wasn’t tired, but passed out as soon as her head touched the mattress.” 

Joel lets out a small sound from the back of his throat. It’s a spike in the atmosphere. “Think I’m gonna go to bed, too.” You don’t understand your awkwardness or the urge to create distance. It’s not like Joel would hurt you, but then again, the buzz of adrenaline doesn’t seem to be coming from a place of fear. It’s an uneasy burning that worsens when you raise your eyes enough to meet his. “Night.” 

The one word is a little better and somehow so much worse. Not aggressive or trying to make things better. It’s just there. Civil. 

When he says nothing, you take it as your sign to call it a night. Tomorrow could be better. Sure, your rocky dynamic might be going through growing pains while you set boundaries that should have been established long ago, but you’ll likely survive this. You’re all staying together in the same house in Jackson for the time being and you both care too much about Ellie to separate over something small. 

Even if Joel won’t directly admit to it, the part of your relationship that feels like co-parenting is sacred. That’s part of the reason why the feelings you’ve been fighting with yourself to dismantle are so complicated. He cares about Ellie more than he wants to admit and the last thing you need right now is to tear away the little stability she’s finally been given. Not over a few awkward conversations and stiff moments. 

The weird irony that vaguely reflects the issues of the world before isn’t lost on you. If someone were to squint at the situation, you’d seem like a wife trapped in a marriage for the sake of her children. Maybe if it was happening to someone else you’d have enough energy to find it funny. 

You turn carefully, like a too loud squeak of your shoes could be what snaps the thinning thread tying you two to a hint of casualness. You don’t need to pass him to get to where you’re sleeping. The three of you had been set up in a space that allowed for each person to have their own room. It’s like that in theory, but in practice it’s more like Ellie’s room, Joel’s room, and the spare. 

A comfortable enough bedroom that you’ve maybe spent the entire night alone in twice in the weeks you’ve been here. You can’t even pretend that you keep the few things you own in there either. Joel’s an even lighter traveler than you, so slowly your items made their way into the drawers in his room. Now, your room is basically just where you go to change into and out of sleepwear.

You’ll get used to it, used to the draft that originally led to you giving up on rocky sleep the first night you ended up sleeping next to Joel. Your dreams kept you up even more than the cold, but when Joel’s drowsy voice called out to you in the dark, asking why you were awake, you blamed the night’s chill. That’s how it first happened. 

It was a mistake you should have never let turn into habit. You’re correcting it now. Setting boundaries to prevent heartbreak. It’s only a matter of time considering the way the women here look at him.

“Since when do you sleep in there?”

His voice is so gruff it instinctually freezes you. Any sarcastic comment at the back of your throat vanishes immediately. The both of you are fully aware of how you end up each night, but it’s a boundary in itself not to mention it. You’re not sure if it’s more him or you, but what happens at night and early in the morning is never mentioned.

It’s a dip into another reality. A space where Joel’s a little lighter, almost more open. Sometimes he’ll drag your arm with him when he moves onto his side, a silent way of asking you to stay close. On the best nights, he’ll joke about it, letting your limbs meld together under a blanket and swear he’s just trying to keep you warm out of the kindness of his heart. 

His humor is the worst. The kind that some might justify as a result of years of it being at a stalemate for years considering the tragic state of the world, but you know better. They’re the kind of jokes that take a second to settle because of his general exterior, but are meant to be so dumb they force out a smile. In another life, the little comments are dad jokes.

The peace bleeds into the mornings now, he’ll keep the closeness and remind you that you don’t have to get up immediately by mumbling something about Ellie still being asleep. Like she’s the only thing significant enough to get you two to return to reality. 

You’re convinced that these moments exist because neither of you mention them. He’s crossing a line you didn’t realize meant so much to you and he’s being dramatic it, too. It’s not the rarest thing for you to ‘attempt’ to sleep in your own bed. Sure, you’re more likely to lay in that room for a few hours on nights where Ellie stays up a little later, but this isn’t the strangest thing you’ve done. 

He’s ripping any chance of returning to that separate world away from you. It stings more than it should. “Thought I’d give it a try,” you voice is too low, too defensive, “It’s not a big deal.” 

The defense sounds so weak in your own ears, you don’t even want to imagine what he took from it. “Bullshit.”

His voice comes out in such a low huff you feel it more than hear it. If the sound had felt any less dangerous, you would have pretended to mistake it for another wordless grunt. Your lips part slowly as your mind struggles to create any kind of logical response. 

Pretending is clearly getting you nowhere. The only reason you ever pretended it would was pure delusion. Joel has always been able to see through you, through any shift in mood. Even when your lies are better, his ability to sense them is uncanny. 

He turns with no warning. Joel crosses the space between you before you can even fully register his steps. Your body tenses as heat rushes to your face in result of an oddly charged parody of fight or flight. You almost step back, one heel shifting back, but then you meet his gaze and the determined glint behind his eye is enough to melt you into place. 

There’s something else there, too. A focus that pins you into place even further. Holds you there better than the barrel of a pistol could. 

The absurdity of the warmth rooted in your chest should be enough to make the feeling go away. It doesn’t, so you force your lips to part again. You need to say something. Anything. “Joel?” Not that. Not just his name in a voice that feels violently small. 

“You’re pullin’ away.” 

The accusation in his voice leaves no room for argument. You try anyways, “No.” The rest of your thoughts can’t come out while you’re looking at him at the same time. There’s shame in dropping your gaze to focus on your shoes and the little space between you. “It’s not like that.” 

Joel lets out a low sound. The creak of the floor as he steps forward again snaps you out of your trance. You step back in a desperate attempt to keep the space between the two of you equal. Your back hits the wall before you can come close to achieving your goal. It’s a knee jerk reaction that leaves your face feeling even warmer than before. A part of you expects Joel to laugh at the sound or at least comment on it. He doesn’t. He continues forward until his mouth is so close to your ear the warmth of his breath lingers when he exhales. 

He takes a second there, relishing in your stillness. “Don’t lie to me.” Joel pulls away just enough to look you in the eye. “You don’t want to talk to me, you’re talkin’ about leavin’.” The southern drawl of his voice is increasing with his frustration. It’s distracting in a way that feels too convenient. Like he’s doing this on purpose. 

You swallow once. “You found your brother. I have a sister out there, I’d--I think now that things are more settled with Ellie it wouldn’t be the worst thing for me to look for her.” 

“And you don’t want us goin’ with you, but you’re more than willing to let the guy that’s always lookin’ at you--” 

“Oh my god, is that what this is about?” You are insane. Of course his issue is who mentioned it. John knows travel, leaves Jackson and comes back in one piece when he needs to. He wouldn’t be the worst person to have with you if you did want to start a rudimentary search for your sister. “I didn’t make any plans with John, it just came up.” 

“You don’t want us goin’ with you.” 

Your throat feels dry. The thought of it makes you feel cold. You haven’t seen your sister in a few years and so much has changed. You’re no longer in the QZ and your sister has no way of knowing that. She can’t reach out if there’s trouble or good news and she has no reason to assume that you’re safe. You know where she lives, and if she’s not there, you know a few of her usual spots. She doesn’t typically stray too far from her bubble. It wouldn’t be a long trip, just long enough. 

Long enough to give you some space. Long enough to remember what it’s like to not be around Joel all the time. Long enough to feel less about him. 

And you’d come back. You wouldn’t just walk out of his life and Ellie’s forever. The little bit of space you’re trying to get would make it easier for you to stick around in the long run because it’s the only way you can think to get rid of the feelings that are trying to ruin everything. 

“We haven’t been here that long and Ellie’s finally starting to feel settled. I don’t want to drag her out of that yet and make her feel like her entire life is just going to be her being dragged around the country.” 

Your words are a jumble, rushed together in a way that makes the honesty of them less effective. It’s a good point. Ellie just called her room hers the other day and even asked about moving the bed against a different wall.

Joel lets out a low breath, eyes hardening. “You’re right. She’s settlin’ and she needs you.” He knows he’s hit his mark when you don’t respond. “How do you think she’s gonna take the news that you’re leaving?” 

“Leaving to visit my sister.” You struggle to swallow. “Temporarily. It’ll take less than two weeks.” 

His lips pull into a frown as his eyebrows together. Moody and brooding. The look you’ve openly referred to as his old man scowl. “With John.” 

Ugh. This again. Why does it matter? Yes, John will be there, but it’s not like it’s just you and John. Your sister isn’t that far and she has access to supplies that aren’t common, she has an understanding with people that have easy access to medical supplies. 

But even if it was just you and John, it doesn’t matter. There are a lot of areas in which you factor in Joel’s opinion, but this is definitely not one of them. You two aren’t together and with the way he does nothing to show any discontent when the girls here start to look at him, he definitely doesn’t need you keeping his bed warm at night. 

“If I go, he wouldn’t be the only one there.” The fact that you’re trying to justify John’s presence leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. You’re a grown woman, free to associate with whoever you want. You might jokingly call him your old man from time to time, but he has no right. “And if even if he was, what does it matter?” 

His jaw locks and the downwards tilt of his chin erases the little bit of confidence you’ve managed to build. “You’ve seen the way that boy looks at you.”

You have to bite your tongue to avoid from blurting out that he’s also seen the way majority of the women you see on a daily basis look at him. Joel’s also exaggerating. John does not have any feelings for you, and if he did, it wouldn’t matter. It’s not like you see John as anything more than a friend. But even if you did--it is not his business. At all. 

“He doesn’t.” There’s little point in saying that, Joel’s not one to have his mind so easily swayed and he’s been wary of John since the beginning. Sometimes it even feels like the more you insist that he’s a good friend, the more Joel seems to dislike him. “And if he did, it doesn’t matter.” 

Your words feel like a retreat they shouldn’t need to be. Small, the meaning of the sentence compacted and straining against the limited syllables. A part of you expects Joel to understand what you do mean. That it doesn’t matter because it takes two interested parties to form any kind of relationship. That your mind isn’t even there in terms of feeling safe...that the only person who has ever made you feel safe enough to imagine anything beyond friendship is right in front of you. 

For the first time, Joel doesn’t pick up on the relevance of what isn’t said. You can feel his lack of understanding in the way he moves, placing one hand on the wall, near your head. You blink, trying in vain to explain the motion, explain his proximity. He’s caging you in. 

The heat of his body is practically inescapable, amplified by the way he smells. Joel showered a little earlier, his natural scent combining pleasantly with that of plain soap. After so many nights next to him, you would think you would have developed a tolerance. You haven’t. And even if you did, you doubt it’d matter...this is different. Dizzying. 

“Doesn’t matter?” 

He’s somehow even closer and somehow not touching you. The realization that that’s the worst part of this leaves your stomach fluttering. You need the feeling gone, so you force out the first words that come to mind, “It matters as much as all the girls that look at you like that.” 

It feels more bitter than it comes out, leaving a metallic taste on your tongue. You need out. You need space. You need sleep. Joel’s silence feels like opportunity, so as subtly as you can you try to shift away from the wall. Your back is off the wall for less than a second before you’re pushed back against it. 

Your body hits the wall before you can realize that Joel’s hand is on your hip. There’s too much surprise for that fact to settle, so you look up at him almost bewildered. You expect him to let go or at least look somewhat apologetic. He does the opposite, moving the hand on the wall under your jaw and closing the distance between you in a motion so quick you can barely register it. 

His mouth is on yours before your mind can catch up. It makes no difference to him. He’s rabid in his patience, taking what he wants without forcing your lips to part. His hand squeezes your hip and all at once it connects. You gasp and Joel pins you to the wall even more securely, deepening the kiss with an expert’s ease. 

It lasts until you can’t breathe and ends with his teeth grazing against your bottom lip as he pulls away. “All of this,” the words are exhaled lowly, “’Cause you’re jealous.” 

The kiss left you so light headed your first instinct is to just agree. To not think and do or say whatever you need to in order to get him that close again. But his tone is too sure, too teasing, and the implication isn’t something he can just get away with. “Jealous?” His smugness is hard to take with him holding you against the wall like this. It’s too vulnerable, like this might be some kind of game to him. It makes you feel transparent. Hollow. “Fuck whoever you want, I don’t care.” 

It’s like you’ve said nothing until Joel has the audacity to squeeze your hip. “Whoever I want?” His hand shifts up your hip, your shirt moving with him. “Hm.” His hum settles beneath your skin, effectively silencing you as his eyes take their time raking over your face and down your body. “Those were some big words from you.” 

Heat rushes to your face. It’s ridiculous--you curse more than that on a regular basis. He’s playing into context, too aware of what he’s doing. The urge to push burns twice as hard as buzzing in your chest. “They’re true. We’re not--we’re not anything, so if I want to go with--” 

“I’m not losin’ you.” There’s a desperation in there that comes out so hard it circles back to vulnerable. “You wanna go see your sister, we go see your sister. That’s how we got through everything else.” The hand on your hip moves down, his fingers dipping beneath the elastic waistband of your shorts. You hate yourself a little for the way your breath audibly catches. “Understand?” 

His hand lowers even further, long fingers pressing against the fabric of your underwear. You’re not breathing right and you can’t bring yourself to care. The only thing you can think of is closer. “Y-yes.” 

“’Yes’ what?” No sympathy in his voice or anything that would give away that he has a hand shoed down your pants. 

His touch picks up pace, rubbing against you until a whimper escapes your lips. “Yes, sir.”

Joel moves his hand away with no warning. The whine that escapes your lips doesn’t feel like your own. He’s barely touched you and you’re already like this. “Barely touched you and you’re already listening.” He hooks two fingers in between the band of your underwear. “Should’ve done this awhile again, then.” 

You’re burning all over, the only thing you can manage is a quick, “Shut up.” It lacks any bite. 

He pulls at the band of our underwear, letting it snap back into place. If you didn’t know any better, you’d consider the flash of something softer across his face as amusement. “If you want me to stop, you’ve gotta tell me.” 

Your nod feels desperate. Your entire body feels desperate. For the way he kissed you, the way he touched you. “I-I’ll tell you.” He’s still not moving, not doing anything. It’s some sort of punishment. It has to be. “Joel...” 

“You going to say ‘please’?” 

You have half a mind to tell him to fuck off, but then his fingers hook around your underwear again. A promise. “Please, Joel.” This is all unfamiliar but you trust Joel to get what you want, what you need. “Need you.” 

With no warning, he yanks down your shorts and underwear. They fall down your legs and you blindly kick them to the side. “Need me?” He tilts his head down, pressing an open mouthed kiss against your cheek, then two to your jaw. “Need me where, sweetheart?” 

God. Anywhere. Everywhere. Your desperation reminds you of how incredibly unfair it is that you’re already down to just our t-shirt and Joel’s still fully dressed. You move your hand slowly, carefully tugging at whatever piece of clothing on him you can reach. 

He’s unimpressed. “C’mon, use your big girl words.” His hand is in between your thighs, his fingers teasing at your entrance in a way that makes it impossible to focus on anything else. “You were usin’ them just fine a second ago.” 

“Joel,” he kisses your jaw again, forcing away all train of thought. It has to be intentional. “Joel,” again, too soft. 

“I know,” he exhales the words against your neck, “I know, sweetheart. Need me to take care of you.” Joel doesn’t wait for a reaction, just pushes his fingers fully into you. You gasp too loudly, Joel moves his free hand over your mouth. “Be a good girl and be quiet. Can’t wake up Ellie.” 

Shit. How did you not think of that? “You’ll be good and quiet for me? Let me stretch you out a bit first?” There’s a knot in your stomach that’s slowly taking over all of your senses. As long as Joel keeps working at it, you could promise him anything. You nod against the palm of his hand. 

You bite your tongue to keep from whimpering too loudly. “Need you to relax,” he presses into you even more firmly, “Get you ready for me.” 

He slowly eases his hand off of your face. “Joel, please.” You’re not even sure what you’re asking for, you just know you need more. You want him to consume you entirely. Feel him until he’s all there is.

You hear the sound of a belt buckle and his jeans shifting. Instinctually, you move a hand towards him, wanting to help, wanting to feel him. “There’ll be time for that, right now it’s about you.” You’re about to argue when he skillfully adds another finger. Fuck. “You’re tight,” he breathes, “No one’s ever touched you here?” 

His fingers curl inside of you and you have to burry your face into the fabric of his shirt to keep from crying out. “Only you.” 

“Look who’s found her manners.” He’s picking up the pace and smoothing down your hair as you squirm against him. “Should’ve done this sooner.” Just as the coil in your lower stomach tightens, Joel takes his hand back. 

You push yourself off of him, staring at him with an expression you know he’ll consider pouting. “Why’d you--” 

“Because I want you to remember this.” He pushes you back to the wall, pressing his body against you. The head of his cock brushes against your entrance. With no warning, he pushes into you. Your sharp gasp overlaps with Joel’s low groan. “Y’need a man to fuck the attitude out of you.” He moves slowly, the friction unbelievably overwhelming and somehow not enough. “That boy wouldn’t know what to do with you.” 

Joel presses you further into the wall, sinking into you as deep as possible before pulling out just to sink back in. His pace is even until his breathing picks up. You’re a mess against him, hiding your face in his chest when he starts fucking you with full force.

“You’re squeezing me so good.” Joel practically pants the words into your skin. “Fuck, ‘m going to--you gonna finish with me, sweetheart?” 

Your mind is mush, you can barely nod against him as his thrusts start to lose their focus. You’re pushed over the edge as Joel’s teeth graze against your neck. He pulls at your orgasm, dragging it along until your legs are jelly and he’s pulling out in order to not finish inside you. 

The two of you stay holding onto each other for what feels like a long time and not enough. “You’re not goin’ anywhere, okay?”

You pull your head off of him enough to look him in the eye. “Not without you.” 

He smiles, lines that you can imagine kissing forever etching themselves into his skin. “That’s my girl.” Joel runs a hand up and down your back fondly. “Let’s go to bed,” he presses a kiss against your jaw, “Give me the space to properly appreciate you.”

The thought makes your body burn all over again. “You sure you aren’t tired out, old man?” 

Joel huffs out what’s almost a laugh, “We’ll see who’s tiring who out, sweetheart.” 

[dedalvs]

Hey! I'm David Peterson, and a few years ago, I wrote a book called Create Your Own Secret Language. It's a book that introduces middle grade readers to codes, ciphers, and elementary language creation. The age range is like 10-14, but skews a little bit older, as the work gets pretty complicated pretty quick. I think 12-13 is the best age range.

Anyway, I decided to look at the Amazon page for it a bit ago, and it's rated fairly well (4.5 at the moment), but there are some 1 star reviews, and I'm always curious about those. Usually they're way off, or thought the book was going to be something different (e.g. "This book doesn't teach you a thing about computer coding!"), but every so often there's some truth in there. (Oh, one not 1 star but lower rated review said they gave it to their 2nd grader, but they found it too complicated. I appreciate a review like that, because I am not at all surprised—I think it is too complicated for a 2nd grader—and I think a review like that is much more effective than a simple 10+ age range on the book.) The first 1 star rating I came to, though, was this:

Now calling a completely mild description of a teenage girl who has a crush on another girl controversial is something I take exception to, but I don't want to pile on this person. Instead I wanted to share how this section came to be in the book.

The book is essentially divided into four parts. The first three parts deal with different ciphers or codes that become more complicated, while the last part describes elementary language creation. The first three sections are each built around a message that the reader can decode, but with language creation, the possibilities are too numerous and too complicated, so there isn't an example to decode, or anything. It would've been too difficult.

For what the messages to decode are about, though, I could do, potentially, anything, so at first I thought to tie them into a world of anthropomorphic animals (an ongoing series of battles between cats and mice), with messages that are being intercepted and decoded. My editor rejected that. Then I redid it so that each section had an individual story that had to do with some famous work of literature. My editor rejected that as well. He explained that it needed to be something that was relevant to kids of the target age range. I was kind of at a loss, for a bit, but then I thought of a story of kids sending secret messages about their uncle who eats too many onions. I shared that, my editor loved it, and I was like, all right. I can do this.

The tough part for me in coming up with mini-stories to plan these coded messages around was coming up with a reason for them to be secret. That's the whole point of a code/cipher: A message you want to be sure no one else but the intended recipient can read in case the message is intercepted. With the first one, two kids are poking gentle fun at a family member, so they want to be sure no one else can read what they're writing. For the last one, a boy is confessing to a diary, because he feels bad that he allowed his cat to escape, but no one knows he did it (he does find the cat again). For the other, I was trying to think of plausible message-sending scenarios for a preteen/teen, and I thought of how we used to write notes in, honestly, 4th and 5th grade, but I aged it up a bit, and decided to have a story about a girl writing a note to her friend because she has a crush on another girl, and wants her friend's opinion/help.

Here's where the point of sharing this comes in. As I had originally written it, the girl's note to her friend was not just telling her friend about her crush, it was also a coming out note, and she was concerned what her parents would react poorly.

Anyway, I sent that off with the rest of my draft, and I got a bunch of comments back on the whole draft (as expected), but my editor also commented on that story, in particular. Specifically, he noted that not every LGBTQ+ story has to be a coming out story, the part about potential friction between her and her parents because of it was a little heavy for the book, and, in general, not every coming out story has to be traumatic.

That was all he said, but I immediately recognized the, in hindsight, obvious truth of all three points, and I was completely embarrassed. I changed it immediately, so that the story beats are that it's a crush, she's not sure if it'll be reciprocated, and she's also very busy with school and band and feels like this will be adding even more busy-ness to her daily life as a student/teen. Then I apologized for making such a blunder. My editor was very good about it—after all, that's what drafts and editors are for—and that was a relief, but I'm still embarrassed that I didn't think of it first.

But, of course, this is not my lived experience, not being a member of the LGBTQ+ community. This is the very reason why you have sensitivity readers—to provide a vantage point you're blind to. In this case, I was very fortunate to have an editor who was thinking ahead, and I'm very grateful that he was there to catch it. That editor, by the way, is Justin Krasner.

One reason I wanted to share this, though, is that while it always is a bit of a difficult thing to speak up, because there might be a negative reaction, sometimes there is no pushback at all. Indeed, sometimes the one being called out is grateful, because we all have blindspots due to our own lived experiences. You can't live every life. For that reason, your own experience will end up being valuable to someone at some point in time for no other reason than that you lived it and they didn't. And, by the by, this is also true for the present, because the lives we've lived cause us to see what's going on right before our eyes in different lights.

Anyway, this is a story that wouldn't have come out otherwise, so I wanted to be sure to let everyone know that Justin Krasner ensured that my book was a better book. An editor's job is often silent and thankless, so on Thanksgiving, I wanted to say thank you, Justin. <3

[livwritesstuff]

inspired by a reply @gregre369 left on yesterday’s post. this is why i love this site so much bc i had this idea floating aimlessly around my brain for such a long time and then someone says something that just connects all the dots for me so - much thanks <3

tw: brief reference to domestic violence

One of parenthood’s biggest surprises (in Eddie’s opinion, anyway) was how easy talking to his and Steve’s daughters about why his parents aren’t in his life was.

He’d figured it’d be hard to figure out exactly how to explain that his mother's death was due to domestic violence caused by his father, who had died in prison twenty years later – but…that about covers it, honestly. Sure, the exact rendition of the story the girls hear varies as they get older, but…it’s pretty straightforward, actually.

Explaining Steve’s situation turned out to be way more complicated for…well, for a lot of reasons, and the fact that his parents are still alive and breathing and choosing to not be around didn't help things at all.

It also didn't help that the girls totally saw Jim and Joyce as Steve’s parents, but it did lead to a conversation that Eddie doesn't think he'll ever forget:

It happened when he was passing through the kitchen to see that Steve was cooking with Moe.

"What're we up to in here?" he asked.

At four years old (she’s actually almost five), Moe has yet to outgrow a phase of picky eating that had started out right around her second birthday. Steve is trying out a new method where he involves Moe in the cooking process in the hopes that she then actually wants to eat the product of her hard work when it’s done. He's seeing varying levels of success.

“We're making burgers,” Moe said, “Poppy’s recipe.”

Eddie looked at Steve skeptically, “Poppy Jim or Poppy Joyce?”

Steve rolled his eyes, “I’m telling Joyce you said that.”

And then he added, “Jim.”

Satisfied, Eddie continued on his way.

“How come you call your dad Jim?” Moe asked.

And that had Eddie pausing in the hallway just out of their line of sight.

“Well, Poppy’s not my dad, sweet pea,” Steve replied.

“Did you not have a dad?”

“I did have a dad – I do. He lives in Indiana with my mom. We don't really talk to each other anymore though."

"Why?"

"When I was younger, I decided that they didn’t take care of me like I needed them too, and Jim and Joyce stepped in to be like my parents instead."

It's not completely accurate, Eddie knows (and he doesn't love the way Steve is shifting culpability away from his parents because that shit was fully on them, but whatever; it's his story and he can tell it however he want), but just like how they don't have a completely accurate picture of what happened to Eddie's mom either, they know what they need to know for now and they'll hear more down the line.

“But what did your mom and dad do?” Moe asked.

"Well, you know how Daddy and I read to you and play with you and put you to bed and make food for you – it was a little different because I was older and I needed different stuff than that, but…”

Eddie watched Steve look back at their oldest daughter, watched him see the look of confusion in her big brown eyes.

“They didn’t do that?” Moe asked, sounding perplexed.

Steve shook his head, and Moe continued to look at him as if he might suddenly tell her he was joking.

“That’s crazy,” Moe finally said, and Steve let out a laugh.

“It is kinda crazy, isn’t it?” he agreed, “That’s why I love being your dad so much, because it’s actually so easy to want to take care of you. Even though you sometimes like to make it hard on purpose, right?”

“Yeah,” she grinned proudly, “Like when I make you snuggle me more at bedtime and you fall asleep by accident and then the kitchen is messy in the morning."

"Uh-huh," Steve said, poking her in the side so she giggled, "Exactly like that."

"You're a good dad," Moe told him.

"You think?" Steve asked as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"The best dad."

“The best?” he repeated, “Can’t let Daddy hear that.”

“He can hear it.”

[smoochkooks]

—chapter twenty: this hope is treacherous

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, smut

word count: 2.4k words summary: it is not a sign of maturity, to cling to someone’s drunken words so much. but for a while, you did.

previous || next

Jungkook [Thursday, May 3rd, 05:32 pm]

How did it go? Soojin says everything’s fine between you

Want to grab bulgogi on Saturday? Same place as usual

Jungkook [Saturday, May 5th, 01:05 am]

Is everything alright? You haven’t been answering my texts

Jungkook [Saturday, may 5th, 03:45 pm]

Can I call you?

Two missed calls from: Jungkook

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th, 9:33 am]

Are you sick? Do you need something? I can drop by later today after work

I’m worried

Why are you not responding????

YN?

You [Wednesday, May 9th 06:15 pm]

Jungkook, sorry I have been MIA this past few days. I needed some time to think and I decided I want to keep some distance between us from now on.

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th  06:23 pm]

What are you talking about? I thought we were good.

Did Soojin say something to you?

You  [Wednesday, May 9th  06:25 pm]

No, nothing happened. Soojin accepted my apology and she decided to move on, as I think we all should.

It was solely my decision and I need you to respect it

One missed call from: Jungkook

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th  06:26 pm]

You won’t even answer my calls?

Come on YN, this is ridiculous

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th  08:15 pm]

Fine. I’ll respect your decision. Can I at least talk to you in person about it?

Please

“You’ve been staring at your phone for the past ten minutes, babe. Jungkook’s not going jump out of it, you can calm down for a sec.” Dahyun says from her place on your couch.

It’s Wednesday and Wednesdays for Dahyun are reserved for self-care, which often means trying out new face mask recipes she saw on TikTok. And since, as she stated a long time ago, “You’re my bestest friend, ever, ___” you are obligated to take part in it as well. If you refuse to participate, you should gear up for the Cheong Dahyun’s wrath.

That’s why you’re currently soaking your feet in a mixture of soap, bathing oils and a secret ingredient Dahyun doesn’t want to disclose, with a hydrating sheet mask on your face.

You lock your phone and throw it to the other side of the couch. “I should probably just ignore him completely.”

Dahyun rips off her sheet mask in a way too dramatic manner and turns to look at you. “And let that she-devil win? Fuck, no!” she blurts out.

You snort. “She-devil?”

“I would call her the b-word but I’m trying to cut down on derogatory terms when referring to women, even those who deserve to be called that,” she explains, massaging her neck with the sheet mask’s oily residue. “Anyway, I think you should tell Jungkook the truth. She’s manipulating both you and him!”

“If a say a word to Jungkook, she’s going to write a post on her social media and not only expose me, but also accuse of having an affair with him.” you reason.

“Just tell Jungkook she’s threatening you. He’s going to see right-through her bullshit, leave her alone and be with you,” Dahyun shrugs like your predicament isn’t complex at all, and motions for you to take your feet out of the water. She tosses you a white towel and hands an opaque container. “Now put that onto your feet. Girls on TikTok are saying they will feel like heaven. And smell like lavender too!”

You scoop the cream onto your nail and sigh. “It’s not that easy. She is his wife and he loves her, of course he will take her side. He might not even believe me,” you say. Your eyebrows involuntarily rise, inhaling the cream’s scent. “It does smell like lavender.”

Dahyun makes ‘I told you so’ face before replying, “You’ve got twenty years of friendship on her.”

 “And unrequited crush, and a whole book about it.” you point out.

“I forgot how complicated your life has become these days,” Dahyun says, shaking her head. “So what? You’re just going to give up? Ignore his messages, calls, don’t answer the door when he’s on the other side, hide in the bush when you’ll  randomly see him on the street and only contact him once a year for his birthday?” she asks.

Initially, your plan was to wait a few weeks after your confrontation with Soojin and eventually things would get back to normal, slowly and steadily. You’re used to being on stand-by, after all. But that was before you actually met up with her to talk. Before she’s threatened to reveal your biggest secret to the whole world. Variété would never grant you another book deal after such scandal. You would be ruined for good and blacklisted by every single publishing company in this country. You can’t risk your career like that. Not now, not when you’re already working on your new book and this time you decided to release it under your real name.

You think about your parents. What would they think about their daughter? Surely they would feel disappointed. Lastly, you think about Jungkook. If you let Soojin get away with her threats, you might lose Jungkook for good. And that would slowly kill you.

“Okay, fine. I will try to talk to him about it.” you finally decide.

Dahyun claps her hands. “I knew it! Gosh, You’re down bad for this man, aren’t you?” she asks, grinning.

“Stop teasing me or I’m going to cancel our next self-care Wednesday.”

She gasps. “You wouldn’t. I have gua-sha massages planned for that day.”

“Try me!”

You [Wednesday, May 9th 11:08 pm]

Okay. We can talk in person

Jungkook  [Wednesday, May 9th 11:09 pm]

I’m visiting Busan this weekend. Soojin has a business trip so I’ll be alone

Would you like to go with me?

You [Wednesday, May 9th 11:12 pm]

Busan is fine by me. I missed my parents

I will take the train though.

Jungkook [Wednesday, May 9th 11:13 pm]

See you there

“There she is! My lovely daughter!”

It’s the first thing you hear after getting off the train at the railway station in Busan. Your mum hugs you tight and plants a kiss on your cheek. “Your dad couldn’t leave work earlier today so I’m picking you up instead,” She puts her hands on your shoulders and eyes you carefully. The smile she was wearing just seconds ago leaves her face. “I can tell you haven’t been eating well! What have I told you? You need to eat or you won’t have any energy!”

There it is. The world could be on fire and your mom would still worry about you not eating enough. Twenty-something years have gone by, and she’s still relentlessly reminding you to do so.

You roll your eyes, as you always do. “What did you make for dinner, then?” you ask, opening the car’s trunk and putting your bag there.

Your mom’s mood instantly lights up. “Chicken soup and jajangmyeon, your favorite,” she answers and starts the engine. “By the way, Jungkookie is also at his parents’, he arrived yesterday. Why haven’t you come with him?”

“I had a meeting at the publishing company that I couldn’t postpone,” you lie. “I’m meeting him later today, though.”

“I can’t believe my daughter is going to be a published author so-hey, you idiot! Who gave you a driving license?!” she yells. The young driver raises his hand in apology and your mom huffs. “It’s always the young ones! Anyway, do you know that Jungkook never visits his parents with that wife of his? I’ve only seen her once, during their engagement party for the whole family. You know which one, they did a big barbecue in the backyard. She seemed nice then, but a bit too standoffish, don’t you think? She comes from money, right?”

“Yeah, her parents own a company in Seoul that distributes vegetables and fruits all over the country. They also export, I think.” you reply, staring at the busy streets of Busan. You would probably rather talk about sex with your mom than discuss Jungkook’s marriage life, but your mom is a busy-body and loves gossip too much to let that slide.

To say the last, Soojin’s father is a big name in the industry. Jungkook told you once that he had to attend a dinner with Soojin and her parents, hosted by the minister of agriculture. You remember how much Jungkook worried he might not fit in the family. Soojin grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth, attending private schools and going on vacations overseas. The summer after they officially had started dating, Jungkook worked two jobs so he could afford to go to Thailand with her. What was a standard for Soojin, was a hard-earned commodity for Jungkook.

Your mom whistles. “No wonder she doesn’t like coming here to Busan. Too posh for that, ha! And especially now, with two extra people in the house. Oh, ___, they are such cute babies! Everyone is head over heels for them.” she says, beaming.

You smile to yourself. Junghyun, Jungkook’s older brother, got married four years before him to his high school sweetheart and few months ago she got birth to twins. Knowing Jungkook, he’s probably spoiling them with presents every time he visits.

And speaking of the devil, you notice his car immediately as your mom pulls up to your driveway. With a heavy sigh, you brace yourself for what’s to come.

Four years ago, Junghyun’s wedding party

“So, my dear brother, when am I going to dance at your wedding?”

Junghyun was clearly drunk, his speech slurred as he wrapped his hands around Jungkook’s shoulders and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek. You giggled, positively buzzed yourself.

“I’m twenty-one and I just got back from the military. Let me live a little.” Jungkook grumbled and shoved his older brother away.

Really, it had been a little over two months now. His hair had grown into a nice length, the buzzcut long gone. He had gotten more buff, his dress shirt holding for dear life in some places. He’s matured, no longer a nineteen-year-old who had just finished high school but a grown adult.

Truth to be told, you missed him terribly.

Junghyun sat next to Jungkook, opened yet another soju bottle and poured a shot for each one of you. “To my beautiful wife Mina. I love you, honey!” he shouted and downed the alcohol. You could see Mina from across the room shaking her head with a soft smile playing on her lips. You grew up watching them fall for each other more and more with every passing day. If soulmates existed, Mina and Junghyun were definitely destined to be together.

“What about that birdie you’re dating now, huh? Sodam or something? Huh?” Junghyun asked, poking Jungkook in the ribs teasingly.

Jungkook’s already flushed cheeks, reddened ever more. “Her name’s Soojin and we are not dating. We went on one date,” he said sternly. “Besides, she’s out of my league. Her parents are super rich. Do you know she’s been to Paris this summer? She probably doesn’t know how cup noodles taste like!”

“She doesn’t know what she’s missing, then.” Junghyun shrugged his shoulders. He poured himself another shot of soju and looked at you, then at his younger brother, his face weirdly serious all of a sudden. “You know what I think?” he asked.

“I haven’t gained the ability to read your thoughts yet, hyung.”

Junghyun smacked Jungkook’s head. “Aish, who taught you to speak like that to your hyung?” You knew that, from the way Jungkook was biting his lips to refrain from laughing, that he wanted so badly to answer: “You did!”, but he decided to let Junghyun continue his drunken monologue. “I think that you and ___ will end up together one day.”

You tried to conceal your surprised expression with a chuckle. “Me and Jungkook? Please, I wouldn’t stand his ass.”

“Hey!”

Junghyun shook his head. “I’m serious. Best relationships, the ones that last years and years, are made out of friendship. Your partner should be your best friend! Look at our parents! Look at me and Mina! We’ve been friends throughout the whole middle school, tiptoeing around each other before one us decided to finally make a move. And now we’re married.” he said, his gaze longingly fixated on his wife. You dared to glance at Jungkook, thinking you’d find him amused by his brother’s drunken speech, but he was looking at Junghyun, not a hint of smile on his lips. “I think that it might take you a while to get there but eventually, I’ll dance at your wedding. And I’ll be really, really happy to do so.”

It is not a sign of maturity, to cling to someone’s drunken words so much. But for a while, you did. You replayed that moment over and over again in your head. You thought about Jungkook, his stoic expression while listening to his older brother. How he did not protest. How maybe, he could too imagine that happening. But then he went on another date with Soojin, and another. Started working extra hours to afford her lifestyle. Years gone by, and for some unknown reason, you still hold that memory close to your broken heart. 

[loggiepj]

YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE

Summary: Wanda mistakenly rejects you when you try to ask her out.

And now she regrets it because you're definitely, undeniably her type.

Seeing your ex-girlfriend kiss someone else in your workplace felt like hell.

It was as if love broke you. The ability to function hindered only by one organ in your body. And even if it was so tiny, once it was hurt, it would hurt you like a ton.

Through the first weeks, the breakup affected your work. Finding yourself stuttering through discussions or staring blankly in space during meetings, it was as if your life stopped and you began to question on your existence.

What is the meaning of life if not to love?

Your boss even requested for you to take a leave because he said you deserved it. And you wondered which thing you did deserve, the leave or the breakup.

Maybe both.

When your friends started to notice you being all depressed and mopey on your table while your ex from another department was smiling like crazy as she prepared herself for a date with the new guy, they immediately felt the need to console you with food, drinks and company.

That was why on your 7th week after the said awful breakup, your friends managed to pull you on your feet and dragged you with them into a bar owned by the sister of one of your  friends.

After gulping down your second shot of whatever drink your friends offered to you, you finally stood up and declared.

"Okay, I think that's enough for today-"

But Natasha, your somewhat close to bestfriend, stopped you. "Cmon Y/n, we barely even started."

"Yeah, Y/n," Steve, Nat's boyfriend, added as he made you sit back on your stool. "Plus, the reason why we're here is so you can find yourself a gal and move on from that stupid ex of yours."

"She's not stupid," you immediately argued, making Steve raise his hands in surrender. You didn't even know why you were still trying to defend her. She hurt you. "Sorry... She's just, complicated. That's all."

"Enough about your past," Pietro butted in. "Steve's kinda right, you know? You have to realize that there's still plenty of fish in the water and your ex was just a tiny plankton."

"That's not even a fish-"

He stopped you midsentence. "What I'm trying to say is that there's someone out there waiting for you to ask her out. And all you need is a one big push. Maybe you'll even thank your ex someday."

You only shook your head as he offered you another shot.

"Unless... you're scared," Pietro added.

"Oh... This is good," Tony meddled in. "Did you just call Y/n a scaredy cat?"

"I am not scared to flirt, okay?" You defended yourself, straightening the collar of your shirt. "I just... Well, I'm just not in the mood."

"Fine, if you're not scared as you say you are... I dare you... To ask that bartender out," Pietro suggested, pointing at the woman mixing and serving drinks at the bar. When you turned your head to glance towards her, as if on cue, Stand By Me by Ben E. King blared from the speakers in the background. The woman had brownish blonde hair tied up in a bun. Her emerald eyes glinting as she smiled at her customers. You could tell right away she wasn't the kind of bartender who'd sport a fake smile, she was a genuine one, like a beautiful flower in an open field of buckwheat.

You thought Pietro had good taste because the woman was so breathtakingly attractive. But you knew there was no way she'd say yes being asked out in a place like this. She had probably received a lot of offers, too. Looking like that, most people would just objectify her. While you would worship her.

You couldn't blame her if she'd say no though.

So you agreed to Pietro's dumb dare. "On one condition. If she'll say no, I am going home."

"That makes no sense. We're here to party for you.... And what makes you think she'd say no? I mean, you're beautiful, I'm not blind, Y/n, and she looks like an angel in hell," Pietro said, his arms flailing before you to explain.

"I just know she wouldn't, okay? She deserves to be asked out, but not in a place like this," you reasoned out.

"Deal, then!" He agreed after a moment of silence. "But please put a little effort, too."

"I'll try," you mustered up a bit of courage, as you stood and made your way to the bar. Her last customers just left with drinks in hand as you slowly approached, hands in your pocket.

"Hi!" You must have greeted her enthusiastically because it made her jump on her spot. You couldn't deny that she was more beautiful up close and it made you forget why you were there in the first place.

"Hey, what can I get you?" she asked, her voice so sweet and lovely.

"Just a can of coke, please," you replied, smiling.

She only giggled, not expecting you to order something nonalcoholic.

Once she placed a can, a glass full of ice and a napkin before you, you immediately added, "Oh, you forgot something."

Her brows furrowed in confusion, wondering if she served the wrong can.

Then you handed out a napkin to her and said, cringing internally, "Your number."

After five seconds of painful silence, she broke out into a loud laughter. And you smiled because she had a beautiful laugh.

"Sorry," she managed to say after trying not to laugh for a second, covering her mouth. "But you're not my type."

"So you're straight?"

"No, I'm bi..," she hesitantly admitted. "But just because I'm half gay doesn't mean you're my type."

And you released a soft chuckle, nodding back at her with understanding, because you were right all along. Internally, you were rejoicing because you won Pietro's dare and a soft warm bed awaited you at home.

"And you find rejection amusing too, first time," she went on, now with an awkward laugh.

You licked your lips as you said. "Sorry, turning serious now.. Okay, I'm hurt." You placed your hand dramatically on your chest. "Both physically and emotionally... What's your type then?"

She was now wiping a clean glass dry as she replied. "Someone who doesn't give corny pick up lines in a dingy bar like this."

You let out a laugh because your thoughts about her just matched and it intrigued you even more.

"Actually... I don't pick up girls from bars like this. I was just dared to by my friends," you explained.

"Ohh, and you know why I know you're not my type?" she asked with a smirk.

"Enlighten me, please."

"Because I knew you'd say that. Exactly those phrases. What are we? Highschoolers playing truth or dare?"

You only smiled, giving her credit for that. If you were in her shoes, you'd probably do the same thing too.

"My name's Y/n..," you introduced yourself. When she wasn't responding, you added. "And yours?"

She only chuckled at you. "And... I'm working."

"Hi, Working! That's a pretty cute name. For sure you hate your parents for that though."

Giving you one last laugh and a shake of head, the woman tended to another group of new customers and you decided to leave her in peace.

When you came back to your table, your friends laughing and awaiting for your return, you only punched your hand in the air in victory.

"I told you she'd say no," you said, as you grabbed your bag from your seat, slinging it on your shoulder.

"What?!" Pietro exclaimed.

"And because I won, I can go home now," you added, leaving a couple of tens on the table. "Thank you so much for the company guys."

Little did you notice that the bartender was staring at you, wondering why you were suddenly walking out the door with no one in hand even though you were undeniably attractive and literally could have anyone. Did you really just flirt with her and only her?

"Hey, Wanda! My lovely sis!"

When she saw her brother, Pietro, leaning in front of the counter, Wanda immediately shrugged him off, telling him he already had too much alcohol.

"Why did you say no to my friend, Y/n?" Pietro groaned like a kid as he took a seat.

And Wanda's eyes suddenly lit up.

"Oh, so you are the one who tried to set me up with your friend," she complained. "Sorry, Piet. She's just not my type, okay?"

And Pietro glared at her as if she had said the most offending thing ever.

"What? Y/n is definitely your type."

"You're unbelievable, you know that? I have standards and her asking me out like that in a bar like this is just a no-no for me." 

Pietro sighed as he leaned, resting his head on his folded arms. "Look... She's just not trying hard to ask you because I dared her to. And she didn't want to ask you really. Actually, she was opposed to the idea. She made a deal about it that if you'd reject her, she'd leave and go home, which made her happy to be honest."

Wanda grew confused as she placed the cleaned glasses back on the shelf.

"So you forced her to ask me out, even when she doesn't even want to?"

Pietro smiled apologetically. "Sort of... But I am telling you, sis, Y/n is your soulmate... She's just going through some stuff right now. And you rejecting her would definitely not boost her confidence."

Wanda only laughed. "Oh, from what I witnessed earlier, she didn't need that much help."

When Tony walked into the conversation just to order refills, Pietro immediately included him. Him and Pietro were childhood buddies and knew Wanda since little.

"Hey Tony, what about you? Do you think Y/n is Wanda's type?"

Then Tony's eyes widened in realization. "Oh my God, you are right! I've never thought of it before. I think they're soulmates."

Wanda only scoffed, ignoring the sudden churn she felt in her stomach. Did she make a mistake?

"See?" Pietro exclaimed, then she pulled Natasha when she happened to pass by along the bar. "Nat, you know my sister, Wanda, right?"

And both of the girls smiled and acknowledged each other.

"Wanda said that Y/n is not her type," Pietro went on.

Natasha only raised her eyebrows. Then she looked at Wanda in shock. "What? But Y/n is a hopeless romantic, Wanda. And a complete nerd if you ask me. She's definitely your type."

"She goes to musicals," Steve suddenly butted in, as if their table just teleported to the bar.

"Oh, and she likes to watch-"

"Interstellar!" Both Natasha and Tony screamed as they giggled.

"She must have watched that movie for the thousandth time," Pietro added. "More than Wanda had seen it... There were times I couldn't get the movie soundtrack to leave my head for weeks-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Wanda interrupted. "Y/n and I have common interests. But I just don't like to be asked out in a bar... and besides, if she's really that amazing as you tell, how come you just talk about her around me now?"

"Because she just got out of a 5-year relationship," Pietro slowly answered as they all grew silent. "And she's still hurting."

Upon the revelation, Wanda's heart ached for you. You were hurting and she was rude to you, she didn't even give you her name.

When the topics have changed, Wanda couldn't stop wondering what if she did say yes. Would you take her seriously?

She had previous relationships that she didn't even want to remember because of too much trauma and red flags. And she didn't want to relive those moments.

Pietro knew she had been single for almost a year now, not being able to find time to date, and when she did have time, it was either a no show up date or a bad first impression date. She wondered if you were her first mistake, the one who got away.

Even after her shift, Wanda's mind always drifted back to you. To the point when she saw Pietro help her arrange the tables after the bar closed, she relented.

"Do you have her number?" Wanda sheepishly asked.

And Pietro only smiled at her as he pulled out his phone.

But Wanda hadn't found the courage to text you until a week after. She was about to send out her drafted message, probably the 11th version, to you when you accidentally bumped into her on the streets.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there," you immediately apologized. Then upon recognizing her, you greeted. "Hi, Working! I haven't seen you in like what was it, a week now?"

Wanda bit her lower lip to suppress a laugh as she replied, her insides squirming. "Careful there, one might think you're counting."

You only chuckled back then you noticed the groceries she was carrying. "You need help with that?"

But without waiting for her reply, you grabbed the bags from her. "So where to?

Wanda must have blushed but she tried to hide her face by looking down the pavement. "Nice try, showoff... To the dingy bar, please..."

But you only smiled as you two walked along the streets, knowing the bar she was referring to was just two blocks away.

"What are you doing in the food market on a Sunday, anyway?" Wanda curiously asked, breaking the silence.

"Oh, I went there for the food," you answered honestly, smirking at her.

"Yeah, very smart, smartass," Wanda smirked back.

You continued. "There's actually this store that sells a variety of nuts-"

"-which you can choose the quantity of each type at the same rate!" Wanda finished, then she realized what she did, nerding out on nuts.

"You like nuts that much, huh?" You joked. You found her cute, though.

"Ha ha... very funny."

"Hey, I meant the food," you quickly explained.

Wanda couldn't stop the smile from widening on her face.

When you finally arrived at the bar Wanda was working at, you noticed how she pulled a big keychain from her bag, numerous keys dangling around.

"You own this bar?" You asked, slightly intending the question as a joke but curiosity killed you.

Wanda hesitantly nodded. She didn't see now why she needed to hide.

"Wait," you muttered, connecting the dots. "So your brother must be Pietro Maximoff, then. I'm one of his dear friends."

"Yeah, he's my twin brother, actually."

After entering the bar, you followed her to the kitchen where you placed the groceries on top of the table.

Wanda suddenly grew nervous, now that you're both alone in a small room. "Do you like something to drink, a refreshment of the sort maybe? As a thank you," Wanda asked, nerves started to kick in.

"Oh, no it's okay," you instantly replied, shaking your head. "I have to go home anyway and feed my cat."

You thought she looked disappointed at the moment but you could just be imagining it.

But Wanda was indeed disappointed.

Before you turned to leave, you added. "Sorry about that night, though... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable like that. If it was anyone to blame, you should blame Pietro. He was the one who dared me to ask you out."

Wanda only chuckled softly, her heartbeat racing.

"No, it's fine. That's just my brother. He's just silly and all."

You nodded and smiled. "Okay... I won't keep you long... Have a great day, then, Miss Working Maximoff."

It took Wanda to get the joke and when she laughed out loud, you were already gone. And she regretted not giving you her number. Because she still didn't have the courage to text you first.

The next time you saw each other was at a common friend's wedding two weeks after that short interaction. You didn't want to come but Tony would kill you if you didn't.

And then you saw Pietro's sister looking like an angel, a beautiful flower in a sea of grass.

She was dressed in a pretty white dress and her eyes never looked so greener than before. To be honest, you thought she looked more beautiful than the bride herself, no offense to Pepper, Tony's bride-to-be.

"Hi, Working!" You greeted behind her.

Wanda should be angry at being teased at but when she recognized the voice and the joke, she couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach.

"Hey, Y/n," she greeted back. Then she leaned forward to kiss your cheek in greeting, which made you jump and melt at the feeling of her lips on your skin. Wanda couldn't help but feel entranced by the way you look that day, she didn't even notice her brother was talking.

"Why is she calling you Working?" Pietro asked.

But the ceremony just started and he was immediately shushed out.

At the reception, you found yourself dancing to your favorite song when it came up. It was Wanda's favorite too.

When she saw you dancing, Wanda immediately went to ask her friends to the dance floor, needing an excuse to bump into you. But it was to no avail. Her friends were still full from the meal they had eaten.

Someone coughed behind her, making her abruptly turn. Then her lips curved into a smile as you looked at her, your hand held in front of you. "I heard you have troubles finding yourself a dance partner."

Wanda sheepishly took your hand, as she answered. "Well, now I don't."

And you both had the time of your lives as you and Wanda danced to the lively song followed by another pop one, then a rock song. When Lunar One by Seventeen Evergreen played on the speakers, you both tried to catch your breath as her arms slowly snaked  around your shoulders while yours wrapped around her waist.

"I have a question," you began as you swayed to the song, smiling at her.

"Yeah?"

"If you've finished working, does your name change into its past tense Worked?"

Wanda didn't even know why she was laughing at such a corny joke but she was, tears warning to get out from her eyes.

"What if you're in England," you added. "And someone calls you Job, would you acknowledge that person or correct him and say that's not your name?"

Chuckling so hard, she punched you lightly on your shoulder as she said, "Stop it. I believe now you know my real name."

"I... may have stalked your brother's social media."

"And what have you seen?"

"That you have a beautiful and a very unique name.... but not as unique as Working though."

Wanda shook her head in laughter, her eyes suddenly drifted to your lips, wondering what it felt like against hers. But the moment ended when Wanda was suddenly asked out to a dance by one of the guests. You happily, but deep inside disappointed, let her go.

What you didn't know was Wanda's eyes follow you after that.

When the night ended and everyone eventually started leaving, Wanda expected you to see her afterwards, knowing you both had a moment.

She knew you were feeling it too. And then she would just ask you out right there because you didn't seem to have the courage to.

But Pietro said you already left because you were catching a ride with your friends. And Wanda's wonder and insecurities started to rise.

It was almost winter when you got invited to Tony's manor for a very early Halloween party. Pre-party as what Tony would call them. He wanted to do it early because Pepper wanted a month-long honeymoon before the holidays.

You were not fond of parties but it was a great opportunity to lay out your small telescope and rusty camera in their wide backyard. The manor was near the countryside, away from the light pollution of the city.

You arrived at 1am, set up your devices for half an hour and you were preoccupied. Around 3am in the morning, you finally had a full glimpse of the Milky Way galaxy's core.

When Wanda found out you came, she immediately went looking for you. She was about to give up until she found you in the backyard, the last place she thought you were at.

"What are you doing out here?" Wanda called out to you, wrapping her cardigan tighter around her body as she approached you. "It's literally negative degrees."

And Wanda might have fallen in love when she saw you smile so wide from ear to ear as you saw her.

You then said, "Look above you."

Wanda craned her neck to see what you were talking about. And she didn't even realize how vast the night sky looked right now above them with thousands of twinkling specks of light.

"Wow! That's a lot of stars," Wanda said, her voice full of amazement, as she stood next to you.

When you gently grabbed her hand, her heart stopped beating and she did try her best to focus on your voice instead because she was sure she'd faint on the spot if she didn't.

You pointed her hand at the direction of the sky.

"Do you see that?" You traced the outline with her hand in yours. "That is the core of the Milky Way galaxy."

And when Wanda finally gathered her bearings, she saw what you were trying to say.

"Oh my! I thought I'd never see it in real life. Only in pictures," she blurted out, the skin around her eyes creasing as she smiled.

"I know, right?"

Then you looked at her and you thought about how beautiful she looked up close. And it felt like a moment, but you were sure the earth slowed down around you.

Shaking your head away from the thought, you decided to look back at the sky. You were not her type. Why do you keep forgetting that?

When you noticed her body tremble slightly, you worried.

"Are you cold?"

"I-"

But without waiting for a reply, you wrapped your extra jacket around her.

"Better?"

Wanda nodded as she breathe in your perfume, loving it and wishing that she could have you more than just your scent. She wanted everything about you.

You and Wanda must have talked about the stars, nebulae, galaxies and the new space telescope from NASA for too long, you didn't even notice that almost an hour has passed.

When Wanda was about to confess her feelings to you, someone called out from the house and disrupted the moment.

"What the hell are you doing out there?!" Tony shouted. "It's freezing cold!"

And Wanda didn't get a chance to.

The next time Wanda saw you, you were crying in the balcony of Pietro's house. He was hosting a small party to celebrate his promotion at work.

Knowing that you weren't alone, you immediately wiped the tears from your eyes. Turning, you saw Wanda and greeted, "Hi there!"

"Hey," Wanda cooed softly as she stood beside you, rubbing your back. "What's wrong?"

She couldn't help but feel protective around you. If someone made you cry, they would have to deal with her after.

"Nothing, just...," you answered in a small voice. "Something went into my eye, you know."

And Wanda softly chuckled as she continued to rub your back, soothing you calm. And you were because she was there with you.

"You're a terrible liar too, do you know that?"

"Oh I wouldn't know. I've only tried them on your brother."

"Well, you know he's an exception right? He literally believes everything. He is that gullible."

You laughed.

After a moment, you grew silent, just staring out at the horizon before you. You knew she was waiting for you to speak up, but not rushing you.

Then you suddenly muttered. "I wasn't crying because I was sad, you know."

"Why are you then?"

"I met up with my ex-girlfriend earlier... S-she said that she messed it up and she wa-wanted to get back with me."

Wanda wished so bad she couldn't hear you right now if she'd only hurt herself.

"Did you?" But Wanda still wanted to know.

You only shook your head. "No, that would be crazy... That's why I'm crying because I thought I'd never make it through the heartbreak. I was totally broken months ago. And now I can look at her and feel nothing. Absolutely nothing, Wanda... It's just amazing how time can heal you."

Releasing a breath she didn't realize she was holding, Wanda smiled.

"And those were just happy tears?"

You smiled at her. "Yeah, those were happy tears."

Wanda then hugged you, her arms slipping around your body, as she buried her face into your neck. You hugged her back, placing your head on top of hers.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

You whispered yes as you let her hug you like that and treasured the moment. As long as she was there, even just as a friend, it would be okay. You would be okay.

Trying to distract you, Wanda started when she pulled away. "Tell me about your favorite galaxy."

Then you began to tell her about Andromeda and how it was so near, it was always visible to the naked eye.

As Wanda listened to you, she realized you still needed a little time before getting overwhelmed by confessing her feelings. So Wanda gave you more time.

Three nights passed and Wanda still felt the same.

Wanda wasn't working that night at the bar when you and your friends decided to drop by. The night wasn't busy because it was a weekday and some stocks just needed some replenishing.

Going away for a small event the next day, Wanda could only sign the purchase orders provided by her staff on that night. That night you specifically dropped by.

Wanda thought that the feelings were mutual and that she was finally getting through to you but when you introduced your new officemate to her, eventually realizing you were setting her up with your officemate because said officemate was asking for her number, her heart broke into pieces. And you didn't even mean to. It wasn't your fault that you thought she wasn't interested in you.

You were in the comfort room that time washing off the ketchup that smudged your shirt when Wanda came bursting through the door.

"What the fucking hell is wrong with you?!" Wanda exclaimed.

You had never seen her look so terrifying before.

"Wanda-"

"What was that about, huh? You just set me up with someone!"

"I-I just thought I'd introduce you two because you're both single and-"

Wanda only sighed, stopping you. "God, how can you be so oblivious?"

"Wan-"

Her mouth crashed against yours, as she pinned you against the cold tiled wall. And as quickly as it happened, she immediately pulled away and cursed, leaving you dumbfounded.

"Shit I-I am sorry, I just thought you like me back-" Wanda stopped herself as she stepped away from you and exited the room.

You ran after her, surprising your friends, until you were outside the bar. The streets were now deserted as it was almost midnight. Wanda was already a step away to her car, having trouble in finding her keys.

"Wanda!" You called out to her.

Wanda looked at you as her body wracked up in sobs. You immediately wrapped your arms around her in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry... I know I ruined it, I ruined our friendship-"

"Stop, Wanda," you butted in, pulling away to rub each of her shoulders as you tried to calm her down. "You didn't, okay? Because I like you too. So much, Wanda. Even way before knowing I wasn't your type."

Softly chuckling, Wanda wiped her eyes as she softly said. "I regretted every single day why I said that... I really did. Because you are my type, Y/n. You are amazing and sweet and so beautiful and you make me laugh and giddy... I-"

She swallowed back a sob as you hugged her again, burying your face into her hair.

"You make me happy, too," you confessed. "I've never been happier before I met you, Wanda."

After a moment, she pulled away as you both looked into each other's eyes, yours sometimes drifting towards her lips. "And I don't think I can manage another day without knowing what your mouth feels like against mine."

Wanda's eyes smiled at you as she softly laughed.

"Why don't you find out?"

And you almost just did as you began to cup her face and leaned forward.

"I don't know... maybe if she'd agree to go out with me on a date tomorrow, I would," you quipped, making her chuckle.

Wanda sniffled as she licked her lips, leaning towards you as well. Her arms were now wrapped around your neck as yours around her waist. "Maybe I can fit her into my schedule."

Both of your noses were now merely touching, feeling each other's breath on your faces, her fingers caressing the baby hair at the back of your neck.

Nobody knew who closed the gap between the two of you, but you knew you didn't want to stop kissing her.

Follow me on my social media accounts. Thank you. ❤

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[miley1442111]

back to chicago-c.berzatto

a/n: i'm probably going to make this two parts (or more) because I really like this idea so this is part 1. i imagined a fem reader and it's mentioned quite a few times but as usual, imagine what you like. SET AFTER SEASON 2

summary: a double date with your boyfriend at the Bear can only go well, right?

pairings: carmenberzatto x femreader (complicated relationship), platonicthe bear x reader, romantic oc x reader

warnings: general angst, mentions of mikeys death

You and Carmen had grown up together, living across the street from one another. Your childhoods were wildly different, his filled with family drama and personal independence. Yours filled with absent parents and the necessity of independence. You went to school together, went to prom together (as ‘friends’), and you were each other's first kiss. Then, you went off to college for law and business and he went off to cook. You vowed to never go back to Chicago, but stayed in contact with Mikey until he died. Then you came back. You felt a debilitating need to see Mikey off. Watch him be put into the ground. You had hoped Carmen would show up. He didn’t. 

You had stayed in Chicago, you had the time and money. Being a successful lawyer in New York was a great gig. Straight out of college you’d gotten a job at a top law firm, and just last year you were made partner. Taking time off for personal reasons wasn’t questioned. Even if it had happened a year ago. Even though you were in Chicago purely for the reason of nostalgia. You’d gone last year for the funeral and this time it was just because something in you missed it. 

It felt good to breathe in the Chicago air again as you walked down the darkened streets, ready for a date at a new Chicago restaurant, The Bear. It was where The Beef had been. Devastating how someone just came in and wrecked all of Mikey’s work. You thought to yourself as you opened the door and searched for the man you were meeting. Adrian, an accountant you’d met at a jazz club, was a nice man. He was sweet and reliable, funny and kind and you both got along well. He was never too handsy and always on time… but you still feared full commitment. He waved you over and you sat beside him as he pressed a kiss to your lips, you smiled, greeting his friends. This ‘double date’ thing had been his idea. This restaurant had been his idea, and as you stared Richie Jerimovich in the face, a shocked dumb-founded look on his face, you remembered why you left Chicago in the first place You remembered Carmen always wanted to call his restaurant ‘The Bear’ and you remembered that there was no getting out of this. 

Shit. 

“Do you two know each other?” Adrian asked, a hand on your shoulder, pulling you back to reality. 

“Fuck yeah we do! Cousin, how are you?” Richie smiled, forgoing the formalities and pulling you out of your seat and into a hug. 

“Richie, how are you?” You mustered up your best fake smile, trying to keep the gaze of Adrian’s friends unsuspicious. 

“I’m great Bug, how are you?” he asked, using the wretched nickname you endured for all those years. 

“Bug?” Adrian smiled. 

“Childhood nickname,” you explained quickly. “I’m good, Rich, real good.”

“You're a fancy lawyer now huh? What was it, New York right?” 

“That’s right,” you smiled. You couldn’t ruin this dinner. Adrian had flown all the way from New York to see you. This was the first time in a month that he’d seen you. Adrian’s friends had to like you. You had to make them like you.

“Sugar’s going to freak out when she sees you,” Richie smiled. You followed Nat on instagram, but refused to like any of her pictures, not wanting her to reach out. You knew she was pregnant. “You won’t believe it, she’s pregnant!”

“Oh my god! I must congratulate her,” you smiled, not realising what that tiny statement would bring.

“I’ll take you to the back now! I’ll give the rest of you guys the tour after,” he smiled at the rest of the table and they seemed to be excited by the prospect of seeing the kitchen so you plastered on a smile, kissed Adrian’s cheek, and let Richie lead the way. 

As you edged closer to the kitchen, you could hear voices, but thankfully not Carmen’s. You turned a corner, pushed through the door behind Richie, and you were led to a small office. Inside sat Natalie ‘Sugar’ Berzatto, ‘Uncle Jimmy’, and Carmen fucking Berzatto. You let out a breath.

“Look who came in to say hi,” Richie announced, stepping to the side to stop covering you. Sugar and Jimmy’s eyes lit up and they immediately started to hug you, yet Carmen stayed frozen to his spot against the wall.

“My love, how’s New York?” Jimmy asked, his arms around you. 

“It’s great, everything I wanted,” you smiled. Your life was something you felt you could be proud of. You loved New York and you loved your job. You had great friends, friends that were practically family. You had Adrian, he was great and he loved you. Yet you still thought about the Berzattos daily. “Congratulations Natalie!” You turned to her, hugging her side due to her large bump. 

You exchanged small talk back and forth with Jimmy and Sugar as Richie and Carmen whispered in the corner. You couldn’t make out what they were saying but it worried you. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

carmen

There you were. Standing there, fucking glowing. And here I was, a stained white t-shirt on and a pair of fucking jeans on. You looked beautiful, the type of beautiful that would make me jealous of the guy you were going home to if I saw you walking down the street. What were you doing here? Why the fuck were you standing in my office, looking so damn beautiful, yet so unattainable?

“She’s here with a guy,” Richie whispered into my ear. 

“What?” I scoffed. 

“She’s here with a guy!” He whispered louder. I felt my blood boil. So you’re here, in my fucking restaurant, with some other fucking guy. Awesome. I searched your hands for an engagement ring, or worse, a wedding ring. I saw none and my ears refocused into the room. 

“So?” I sighed, feigning disinterest.

“ ‘So’? Your fucking girl is with another guy. In your restaurant!” Richie snapped. 

“She’s not my fucking girl anymore, stop talking outta your ass,” I shoved him, making him leave me alone. My words were deflections. Of course you were my fucking girl, you always would be. You were perfection personified in my eyes, even with any of your flaws. And I wanted you to be my girl, but I got so fucking in my head about it I couldn‘t ask, and then we left and went our separate ways. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You

“Look, I’d better get back to my table, my boyfriend’s waiting-”

“Boyfriend?” Jimmy cut you off. “I thought you and Carmy were dating?” 

“Yeah, when we were like 17-” You started but Carmen cut you off. 

“We never dated.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Your smile faltered, then faded entirely and it was all Carmen’s fault. 

“Look, I’m sure my table is waiting on me to order, it was great to see you guys,” you smiled and left the room, walking back to your table, a sigh leaving your lips. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carmen 

“You are such a fuckin’ asshole!” Richie shouted as Sugar and Jimmy sighed. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about ‘we never dated’? You’re still fuckin’ in love with her!” 

“Richie just fuck off ok! I don’t have to explain shit to you-” I started but I was cut off by Sugar. 

“That was such a shitty thing to say Bear! We haven’t seen that girl in fucking years and of course you had to fucking ruin it. We’ll probably never fucking see her again!” 

“I know that was shitty Sugar, I’mf fucking aware!” I started as I walked out of the office and into the kitchen. I wanted to make your food amazing. That was the only way you’d ever forgive me, right?

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You

You walked back to your table and answered any and all questions pertaining to your relationships with the Berzattos, leaving out that you had a crush on Carmen. You allowed yourself to peek into the kitchen window and you saw him furiously moving. He was mixing something? You couldn’t see. Adrian’s kissing your shoulder pulled you back to reality. Adrian was great. He knew how hard tonight was for you. He knew about what happened in your childhood. He knew about what happened with Carmen. Adrian’s friends, Emilia and John both got up to take a smoke break and he turned to you. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, squeezing your hand.

“Fine, it’s just… messy, I guess.”

“Well you’re doing great. John and Emilia love you,” he smiled and kissed your cheek. “I wouldn’t have picked this place if I knew, I just wanted to see you-”

“I know,” you smiled at him. “I wanted to see you too,” You pressed a soft kiss to his lips and he grinned. 

“You look so beautiful tonight,” he flirted. 

“So do you,” you simply said and he chuckled. 

“Such a flirt,” he joked and you laughed, a real laugh. He kissed you again, quick and sweet. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you said matter-of-factly and his face lit up. You truly had no idea if you actually loved him. Your commitment issues were constantly getting in the way of your relationships, so you had to do something, telling him you love him, I admit, might’ve been a crazy thing to start with but, you were running out of options.

He kissed you again, less quickly but still polite enough to not be seen as improper. John and Emilia started walking back in, so you pulled away to see him with a boyish grin on his face. 

That felt… good? Like it was right?

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carmen

I walked out into my own restaurant, nervous as I was when I was 17, asking you to the prom. All you have to do is explain the dishes. I thought to myself. I know my dishes. Richie walked behind me with the other two dishes in his hands, and I took a deep breath. There you were, radiant as ever, laughing along with what someone said. I would do fucking anything to just have your number so I could just text you sometimes. 

I walked up, standing beside you and your smile flattened, looking fake. 

“Hey Carmen,” you greeted. 

“And how do you know the owner?” John asked, excited about all of the attention your table was getting.

“We were-”

“We dated in highschool,”  I said before you could finish and John chuckled as your boyfriend put a protective arm around your shoulder. I explained all the dishes and placed them in front of each of your table. 

“Thanks Bear,” you mumbled and my heart practically stopped. 

“Well, thanks,” your boyfriend gritted out. I smirked. 

——————————————————————————————————-

(PART 2)

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

MLB Identity Reveal Idea

okay so my favourite idea for Marinette learning Adrien's secret identity is for him to tell Marinette that he's Chat Noir

but he only tells Marinette

like, post season 5, Ladybug and Chat Noir discover that someone is using the Butterfly miraculous to akumatise people. they decide not to tell each other their identities in order to keep each other safe, just like they've always done.

and one day, Adrien and Marinette are on a date when an akuma attacks. in the panic to keep everyone safe, they get locked in a room, alone, together. the only exit is a skylight that Adrien could reach if he was Chat Noir, but there's nowhere for him to hide and transform, and he can't wait it out because he has to stop the akuma.

so Adrien figures 'if there's anyone I can trust with this, its her' and just tells her. he looks his gf in the eye and says "Marinette I have a secret but you have to trust me" and he transforms right there and then.

she's staring at him in my-bf-is-my-crime-fighting-partner shock, which he misinterprets as my-bf-is-a-superhero shock. he promises to explain, kisses her cheek, and jumps through the window

Marinette transforms after him and they stop the akuma and she gets back before him so that he can let her out of the room and he won't realise that she ever left

but now Marinette knows and he knows that Marinette knows, but not that Ladybug knows

he starts taking her on Chat Noir dates (think dating spider-man style), not realising that she swings around Paris every other day. he confides in her about feeling weird that he still doesn't know who Hawkmoth was even though Ladybug knows she realises she can never tell Chat Noir. he asks her to cover for him when Akumas attack and he needs to duck away and transform. he tells Marinette about problems with Ladybug. he tells Ladybug about problems with Marinette.

at some point, Marinette asks him about his crush on Ladybug, because she's trying to understand how their love life ended up so ridiculously complicated. he immediately reassures her that he and Ladybug are "just friends now" and that "Ladybug has a bf" and that Marinette "shouldn't be jealous because she's way cooler and prettier than Ladybug anyway." Marinette is fighting to keep a straight face.

and she just has to deal with this just because he had a valid reason for telling her, but she can't just tell him because she wants too yes she can, and she can't tell Ayla either she totally could because that would unnecessarily compromise Chat Noir's identity no it wouldn't

so she's just. dealing. she does her best not to flirt with Chat Noir when she's Ladybug. she tries not to reference inside jokes that Ladybug has with Chat Noir. Tikki is going crazy

the reverse of this idea doesn't work because if Adrien discovered that Ladybug and his gf were the same person, he would not hesitate to reveal his identity

[purplecoffee13]

The Fake Girlfriend - pt. 3*

Summary: “Y/N finds out the complicated truth about the reason for her role as fake-girlfriend, and gets a bit possessive over Harry.”

Wc: 4.2k

Tropes: semi-enemies-to-lovers (she hates him)

Warnings: possessiveness (mostly from her), oral (m!receiving), cursing, dirty talk, sexual tension THROUGH THE ROOF, angst and insecurities

The next morning, I awake by the sunlight beaming through the window and right onto my face. I open my eyes, my body more relaxed than it has been in weeks, and my lips can't help but form into a lazy smile at thinking of the reason why.

However, the reason why isn't here.

A small frown creases my forehead, especially because I'm not hearing any noise from the bathroom. I lean towards Harry's side of the bed, and spot a note on his nightstand.

'Fulfilling groomsmen duties.

Breakfast is on the dresser.

Catch you later, H.'

Though it was sweet of him to leave a note, and to let me sleep in and leave me breakfast, my heart still churns at the idea that I won't see him until the afternoon. I had hoped we could talk about whatever the fuck happened yesterday, but I guess it will have to wait.

My heart flutters though, as I munch down my breakfast before hopping in the shower. Since I slept in, I have to hurry a little bit if I want to be ready in time.

Luckily I have my hair and make-up done in time, and I manage to strategically shimmy into my dress without ruining any of it. I send a silent prayer as I put on my heels, hoping the blisters will not form until after the ceremony.

After checking the itinerary, I start to make my way to the garden where the ceremony is to be held. Upon exiting our room, I run into a hard body which manages to catch before I fall onto the ground.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" Matthew spits out as he helps me balance myself out again. I nod at him, smoothing my dress and taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I should've watched where I was going." I awkwardly smile at him. He waves it off, and extends his arm to me.

"Need an escort to the garden?" He asks with a genuine smile. I hesitate for a moment, but from his body language, I gather that he got Harry's message from yesterday.

"That would be great."

We begin to walk and I immediately spot other people going the same way as us, easing my anxiety about getting there too early.

"Where is Harry?" Matthew brings me back into the moment after momentarily getting caught up in my thoughts.

"Uhm— groomsmen duties, he said." I answer, and Matthew hums. We walk down some stairs that are needed to take in order to reach the garden.

"You're not a groomsman?" Maybe it was a little too intrusive, but it was too late to take it back now. Matthew shook his head.

"Jimmy and Harry were in a football team together since they were little. It's how our Rosa met him. Jimmy and Rosa kind of see Harry as the reason why they got together, so even though they are not as close as they used to be, Jimmy made him a groomsmen." He explains, and I nod my head. That's an interesting part of his family history I did not yet know, and it makes me wonder. Maybe Matthew knows about the girl Harry's family wants to set him up with, the reason I’m here.

"What's with that frown?" Matthew goes to stand in front of me and lowers himself down to my height. I widen my eyes at him and force an exaggerated smile.

"Nothing, nothing..." I chuckle, shaking my head. He raises his eyebrows, not believing me one bit, but laughing along anyway.

"Let's go sit." He says, and leads us to the assigned seats, secretly rearranging them so we can sit next to each other. I laugh at his inability to be subtle, but he manages to pull it off nonetheless. We sit down, and I take in the garden and its beauty. Slowly, I spot the people who are here, and it dawns on me; everyone is very beautiful, especially the girls.

I spot a lengthy blonde in a baby pink dress, chatting with two brunettes whose dresses look like they were picked out from a runway. My brows crease at the sight of everyone's perfect hair, and I find myself smoothing out my own, which seems like a poor excuse for a head of hair now. My heart begins to beat faster and— oh my god I'm going crazy.

"Matthew." I say his name, sounding a bit more urging than I wanted to. His head shoots towards mine.

"Yeah?" He asks softly, a bit of concern evident on his face.

"Uhm… Harry– well, he told me about this girl–"

"Ophelia?"

Ophelia? That's her name?! If that is her actual name then I can't imagine what she looks like. Probably as ethereal as her name.

"I don't know, he never gave a name. But, he said she was going to be here." I tell him, and he hums. I wait to see if he's going to give me any information, but he doesn't say anything. "What– um, what do you know about her?"

My attempt at casualness falters with the stutter of my voice. Matthew lets out a breathy laugh at my nervous question, and is quick to stroke my arm.

"You have nothing to worry about, Y/N." He tries to assure me, and I give him a quick nod.

"I know, I know... I was just wondering, that's all." I turn my body away from Matthew, realizing how pathetic I was beginning to sound.

So what, Harry gave me an amazing orgasm and I think I'm developing a crush on him? I lost my best friend because of him. Well, I guess she was always a bit mean in hindsight, but still. Just because he was nice yesterday, doesn’t mean I should be acting like this.

"Ophelia's mom is good friends with Harry's mom, so they've known each other since middle school.” Matthew suddenly speaks up, and I can feel the blood rise to my cheeks. “They dated for about two years, went to prom together and everything, but they broke up when they graduated."

They dated..?

"Ophelia got a new boyfriend not long after the break-up. They got engaged and everything, but the guy cheated on her so they broke off the engagement like six months ago. Since then, Harry's mom has been forcing him to reconcile with Ophelia, but he was actively opposed to it. Sheila wouldn't let it go though, and usually Harry doesn't mind doing his mom a favor, but this time he was really against it. Now we know why." He smiles at me, like I should be glad with the end of this story.

He dated her for two whole years. They went to prom together, they've known each other since middle school, and his mom is a fan of hers. She wants her son to end up with that girl. I stand absolutely no chance. There is way too much history there. I could never stand above anything like that, ever. God, I hate that. Why do I hate that so much?

My eyes refuse to meet Matthew, but I give him a sad excuse for a smile anyway, to make it seem like he didn't just unintentionally put a serious damper on my mood.

Then, the music starts, and the ceremony begins. I didn't even notice the groom and his men standing by the altar already, but when I look, I catch Harry's eyes on me. He looks confused, or rather concerned. His brows are deeply creased.

I tear my eyes off of him when the bridesmaids walk in, and I immediate know, I immediately feel who Ophelia is.

Gorgeous, long blonde hair with sparkling green eyes and a smile that every Hollywood celebrity pays a good amount of money for. Her petite figure makes me feel immensely big and I hate myself for comparing myself to someone who could not look more different from me. She is stunning and I understand why everyone is so enamored with her. I'm sure she's very nice too.

I know my insecurities are not her fault, but damn do I feel vulnerable when I catch her staring at Harry. My gaze flies towards my fake boyfriend, but it seems that he is still looking at me. I throw him a smile and give a thumbs up, but I only receive a weak, half-smirk in return.

The ceremony seems to last forever, yet I don't catch everything of it. I'm met with a constant pit in my stomach that needs to be flushed away with a glass of wine. I need to get my shit together, and then put it aside, at least until this trip is over. I can figure out my intricate feelings when we're back on the campus, but until that time, I need to play the part and I need to play it well. If anything I should be lucky it isn't as difficult as it was a few weeks ago.

After the bride and groom have gone off to take pictures together, we are all given a glass of champagne. I gladly take one and clink my glass with that of Matthew as we talk about the ceremony and the wedding vows. Harry has disappeared once again, along with the other groomsmen and bridesmaids, so I guess I won't see him until dinner.

I chat a bit with Harry's parents, and Matthew introduces me to some friends of Jimmy's. They're all very nice, some them a bit too flirtatious, but it takes my mind off the Ophelia of it all.

About ten minutes have passed and we make it to the dining hall, where Matthew and I are separated, not before he escorts me to my table of course. My table is very close to that of Rosa and Jimmy, who have seated all of their bridesmaids and groomsmen together.

I sit down and am tapped on my shoulder by Quinten, one of Jimmy's friends who Matthew just introduced me to, and who is sitting at the table behind me. I turn around and begin to chat the time away with him. So much, that I don't notice someone standing besides us until he coughs awkwardly to get our attention.

When I look up at Harry, my mouth falls open a little bit. He looks criminally beautiful in his suit, and his jawline looks to prominent from this angle. I suck in a deep breath at the realization that I had temporarily stopped breathing altogether, and all of my insecurities and blues are washed away by the need to drag him to the nearest bathroom.

"Hi." I manage to let out, a sheepish smile on my face. Harry doesn't look very amused, hands still in his pockets, as his eyes dart from me to Quinten.

"Hey man." Quinten says, but he gets nothing more than a murmured 'hey' from Harry before he tugs on my arm, pulling me out of my chair and into his embrace, where his nose buries into my neck and I feel him taking in my scent. He leaves a couple of kisses there before pulling his head back to look at me.

"You... are breathtaking." He slowly says, staring into my eyes. My cheeks burn at the flattery, but it's impossible to look away from him. My mind is dizzy from his hands — one on the small on my back and the other one on my waist —, and I am feeling too many things at the same time.

I'm still frustrated with him for throwing me into the lion's den without properly telling me what I was getting myself into, I'm giddy because he is too pretty and his eyes glisten in this light, but most of all I'm horny and I want him right now. Ophelia may have him when all of this is over, but for the remainder of this trip he is still mine.

"And you are a shit excuse for a fake boyfriend." I tell him, and look to the side with my nose high up in the air. He raises his brows, clearly taken aback by my response. He doesn't lose his playfulness, though; a wide grin on his face as he lowers his head until the heat of his breath reaches my ear.

"Didn't you read my note?" He asks lowly, before planting a kiss on my ear.

"I did, but it didn't include you saying I wouldn't see you the entire day." I sputter, crossing my arms together. He pulls back with a wary smile.

"Did you miss me today, love?" He asks. I don't initially respond, because I did miss him and that reality is too terrifying to confess.

"So, you and Ophelia dated, huh?" I change the topic, deciding that I might as well throw it on the table. Just so he knows, that I know. "You know, you could've told me this is about making someone jealous."

I purposefully imply something there, solely to see if it's true. Harry's face falters for just a second, and I ask myself whether I even want him to answer this question.

"Y/N, it's–"

"I'm just saying," I cut him off and take a step closer to him, because I, in fact, do not want to know his answer. "If I would've known, I would've played my part better. But I'll be good for you tonight."

"Y/N..." he sounds almost whiny, and that sounds a bit too good to me to stop.

"I promise I'll be a good fake girlfriend, alright?" I smile at him, my arm snaking around his neck. He swallows, then gives me a firm nod.

***

Dinner is excruciating. Harry and I are leaned towards each other the entire time, trying to sit as close to each other as we can. He keeps his hand firmly on my thigh, and in between courses it sneaks to the back of my neck, doodling traces on my skin with his fingertips.

We exchange our so-called love story with everyone at the table and all of them assure me that they have never seen Harry so in love before. I laugh when I turn my head to him and he says it's true. Partly because I know it isn't, and partly because I find it hilarious how a part of me almost believe it to be true anyway.

After dinner, everyone scatters a bit around the room, and the dance floor gets cleared up for the first dance. I don't miss the perfect girl from the past that starts nearing our now empty table, and neither does Harry.

Ophelia awkwardly waves at the both of us; Harry waves back but I only give her a half-smile.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" She asks Harry hesitantly, and I can't help but fight the smile at the audacity of this girl. But then again, they've known each other for a long time, so technically I am just a temporary nuisance to her.

Harry's head shoots towards me. He doesn't want to be left alone with her, it seems, but I don't make a scene like he secretly wants me to. His green eyes bore into mine and I resent him for a moment just for how pretty he is. I really don't want his eyes on Ophelia, but it is inevitable. A bold thought enters my mind.

I kiss him, just a soft kiss that lasts no more than a few seconds. When I pull back, my mouth travels to his ear and I trace his jawline with my fingertip on the other side of his face as I whisper into his ear.

"I just want you to picture me on my knees in front of you, returning your favor from yesterday, while you talk to her. Something to look forward to after your little conversation with her, hmm?"

Harry doesn't have time to respond because I have already stood up and started walking towards the bar by the time I finished my sentence.

As I wait for the drinks I ordered, I run into two other guys Matthew introduced me to. Robert and Simon, if I remember correctly.

"Getting drinks?" Simon rhetorically asks, pushing some of his blonde hair away from his face, and I raise my glass at him to answer his question. The two chuckle at me.

"Yes, what about you guys?"

"We're just wondering why a woman like you is getting drinks for herself at the bar." Robert smirks, and I playfully roll my eyes. Just at that moment, the bartender sets down Harry's drink in front of me.

"For myself and my date." I correct them with a smile, but they don't seem intimidated by the fact that I am here with someone.

"Shitty date." Simon quips.

"Yeah, you deserve better than that." Robert says, brown eyes full with empty confidence. He earns a supportive nod from his friend.

"Are you guys implying that I can't get my own drinks?" I reiterate, catching them a bit off guard. I can tell they have no idea what to say, they're confused by the contradiction of my supposed sweet smile and my sneering words. As if it was meant to be, I feel a hand on the small of my back.

"Sorry gentlemen, I'm taking back my girlfriend for a minute." Harry's voice suddenly sounds from beside me, and his hand press against me more, urging me to walk with him. I wave goodbye to Robert and Simon and follow him along as he walks — rather fast — towards the exit of the dining hall.

He takes me to a door and opens it, revealing a pitch black room. I frown at it, but hurry in anyway when he grits 'get in' through his teeth. I flinch when he turns on the light and reveals the broom closet we are currently finding ourselves in.

I am about to criticize the harsh lighting of the room, when all of a sudden Harry grabs my waist, turns me around and plants his lips on mine with a need I thought only I was feeling.

I stumble back a bit but he snakes his entire arm around my waist and pulls me into him, turning us around and then backing me up against the door. After a while of making out, he begins to move his lips from jawline to my neck, and lower...

I pant as he assaults my skin by sucking, kissing and biting every part of it. I whimper at the sensation of his skin against mine and close my eyes to enjoy it most optimally.

"You drive me insane, do you know that?" He growls into my neck, and I moan when his hand grabs one of my breasts and starts massaging it.

"No, you do." I push him off of me, and he lets go very easily. I take the opportunity to turn us around, pushing him against the door with all my strength, a few of his curls land in front of his face as his back hits the surface. I go to unzip his pants, and sink down in front of him as I pull his trousers down.

"You disappear all day..." I slowly lower his underwear down his legs, and he hisses at the sensitivity his hardened cock feels from the restraint. I know Harry's big, my ex friend told me about it, and the tent in his underpants only confirmed it for me. "And I find out you spent the entire day around your ex-girlfriend."

His cock springs out of its confinements when I finally pull his underpants all the way down, and I try not to look intimidated by the actual sight of his size. Instead, I lean forward and let some saliva slowly trickle onto the top of his cock, and spread it out with my hand. The immediate groan at the touch of my hand makes me feel things I shouldn't, so I try to ignore it and focus on making Harry come.

"Fuck, baby... I–"

"Such a bad fake boyfriend today, weren't you?" I begin to pump him, and delight in the way his breathing becomes heavier with every stroke. When he doesn't respond right away, I tighten my grip around his dick a little bit, earning a moan from him.

"Yes baby. I'm sorry, baby." He mutters, and my stomach twists in every which way at the sound of the pet name he’s given me today.

I decide that enough is enough, I won't make him wait any longer — also because I can’t wait any longer — so I take him in my mouth. He is quite big, so I have to use my hand to make up for the parts my throat isn't able to take just yet. I take my time working his cock deeper and deeper into my throat.

Making sure to keep an eye out on him, I look up at him through my eyelashes, my panties pooling as I watch Harry falling apart above me. He’s clenching his jaw hard, head leaned back against the door.

"Jesus, fuck!" He curses, out of breath from the pleasure I am giving him. That notion alone gives me a dizzying rush of power. His hand finds it way to my hair and he softly plays with it as I keep sucking him off. "Such a g–good girl, fucking hell."

I take him out of my mouth for a moment and get back to rubbing him off, a devilish smirk on my face as he succumbs almost entirely to my touch. The moans that leave his throat almost make me orgasm myself. I can’t contain the moan I let out.

"Tell me Harry, did you think of me?" I pick up the pace just a little bit more. "When you talked to her, did you imagine me like this? Bruising my knees for you?"

"Fuck— yeah baby... Always think of you." His eyes are tightly shut as he rasps out a response. I take him back into my mouth, needing his release almost as much him.

"Oh... Y/N, if you keep doing that I'm gonna come." He says when I take him as deep as I can and his dick touches the back of my throat. I am too busy controlling my breathing, and besides, I want him to come right here, right now.

"Baby, baby, fucking... hell!” He groans out and I begin to feel spurts of his hot cum launch into my throat. I meal at the feeling and the idea of his cum in my mouth and I wait until he's ridden out his high to completely remove myself from his dick.

I get up and make sure he watches me as I swallow the load he just gave me. He stares at me with big eyes, completely out of breath.

“Was it just like you imagined?” I ask with a devious smile, wiping off the remains of him from the corner of my mouth. He lets out a chuckle of disbelief, and my heart is racing at the way he is standing there, entirely defeated, but a hand on my waist anyway.

“I don’t know what I did right to deserve that.” He mutters, a joking tone to his voice, but my cheeks still heat up at the compliment. I realize, I have never taken this much pleasure out of pleasuring someone else. I’d pay serious money to have him crumble for me like that again, and because that thought scared me to death, I push it far away into the back of my head.

“Put on your pants. You’re taking me to dance.” I order him around, and he raises his brows in surprise, and leans down to put on his trousers.

“You like being in control, don’t you?” He asks as he zips his pants. A few curls have fallen to the front of his face and I don’t think I have ever seen an image that screams ‘sex’ more than that one. I shrug.

“I like seeing you fall apart for me.” I confess, because it’s true. I’ve never explicitly liked being in control, I’m a bit more submissive in that sense. But seeing him in that state of euphoria, and knowing it’s because of me… that is what I enjoyed the most.

“Do you now?” He looks up at me with a soft half-smile, and he pushes some hair from the front of my face behind my ear while pulling me into him with his other hand. I nod at him.

He stares at my face a for a bit, analyzing every feature in the comfortable silence that overtakes us. My shoulders automatically tense when his gaze, and thereby the entire energy around us, shifts from soft to almost… sad?

He fixes his posture and plants a kiss to my forehead before moving away from the door, opening it, then turning back to me.

“Dance?” I ask him almost desperately, hoping his energy will shift back.

“Drink, first.” He gives me an awkward smile, and I know there’s no going back to how it was just a few seconds ago. He saw something when he looked at me just now. I don’t know what it was, but it’s almost like it scared him. This relationship is getting too complicated, and I don’t know what I should take as the truth while we are still here.

Maybe, whatever scared him, is something I should be scared of too. Perhaps, taking a step back is the best for both of us, even though it feels like the last thing I want want to do right now.

“Drink first.” I weakly lift the corner of my mouth, and walk past him out the door…

Part 4

Link to my masterlist

[raayllum]

Punishment VS Acceptance: The Silvergrove and Callum

5x01, 5x04, and 5x08 were probably my favourite episodes for Rayla and Callum’s dynamic this season, for obvious reasons, and rewatching the bulk of the season next day after (and for a nice meta segue) I wanted to tackle the downright beautiful parallels between 3x03 and 5x01 (and a little bit of 4x03). 

So let’s get into it.

As we all know, Rayla returns home in 3x03, and gets a... more brutal welcoming than she was expecting, partially due to her own perceived crimes, and due to the Silvergrove’s associative prejudices/inclinations.

It is extremely important to note that (at this time at least) Rayla is banished for something she didn’t even do: “But you didn’t run away from anything. They just don’t know what happened.” And although initially dejected, she remains hopeful and ‘confident’ that Ethari wouldn’t have done the spell.

Ethari, however, temporarily chooses his grief and village over his daughter, and shuts her out... in a way, framing wise, that’s not too dissimilar from Callum’s initial cold reaction in 4x01.

Which makes sense, as both Ethari (and later Amaya) state is quite similar:

Then, of course, while pursuing the exact opposite of abandoning her family, and trying to figure out what happened to them, Rayla is caught emerging from Viren’s old sealed off chambers in 5x01 and accordingly arrested. What I found particularly interesting is that in spite of being fully able to, Rayla doesn’t actually say a single word during her pseudo trial, Callum and Opeli doing all the talking for her (on both ends). 

She knew stealing the key wasn’t the right thing to do, but felt unable (or unwilling) to share the burden of the coins with Callum, probably because she hasn’t been able to rely on anyone in a long time (two years alone did not help) and that it’s always been something she’s struggled with. Runaan and Callum’s complicated personal history likely didn’t help either.

And just like the Silvergrove, Opeli is arresting her on the basis of association:

and unlike the Silvergrove, on account of crimes she actually committed. 

And I think there’s a lot of reasons Rayla doesn’t speak up in this scene - shame, the way she’s never been particularly good at advocating for herself, the general emotional difficulties present - but I think the main reason is that she left Callum an explanation in Through The Moon about why she left and he was still (understandably) angry with her, but more than that is that the Silvergrove flat out did not care about her intentions, and she knows it. 

E: I told Runaan you were too good hearted for the work of an assassin, so I know you did not betray them out of malice. 

Why would this time be any different, especially when as stated, she’s done all the things she’s being accused of?

But Callum isn’t the Silvergrove, so of course he’s different.

Where they stripped her of her home and literal identity, labelling her a Ghost, he reaffirms that her name - “She’s not ‘the elf’ - she’s Rayla” and that he knows exactly who she is. Where the Silvergrove robbed her of a chance to explain herself...

Callum says that she doesn’t need to even when it’s being demanded of her. Whereas before her intentions didn’t matter, they’re all that count here, enough that he is willing to disregard literally everything else (including his own complicated feelings about said murder bow). 

C: I know this. [To love is simply to know this:] The tides are true as the ocean is deep. O: What does that mean, Prince Callum? C: It means I trust her. Unconditionally. Let her go. Now. 

He doesn’t know ‘what happened’ as far as her intentions and motivations, only the worst presentation of her behaviour. But he refuses to punish her for doing something alone, for not asking for help, for keeping a secret. Instead he’s warm and compassionate and vouches for her, and if anything takes a certain amount of self-imposed responsibility on his own shoulders of realizing that if Rayla didn’t feel like she could come to him with something, he needs to be doing something different. 

All while also reaffirming his faith in her - that it’s nothing that would hurt him, that she wants to tell him, that she will tell him one day, that she will be ready, and that he hopes she knows she can trust him.

Because he loves her.

[gorchards]

Love Lines - Yuta Okkotsu x Reader pt.2

word count: 3,349

a/n: here's part two! super excited about this one actually :3 cannot believe it is a mere 3,349 words... I thought it would for sure beat part one, but I was wrong! also note that Y/N has a little thing with Choso but tis a mere flashback thing... I'm sorry to the Choso lovers because as much as I love him I had to pick someone...

You paced back and forth in your dorm as you waited for your phone to ding.

A text from Yuta was what you were waiting for, and was what you had been waiting for for the last 43 hours.

“Y/N, turn that thing off already.”

You looked up from your phone, to see your friend Nobara sitting on your bed, eating your chips. Of course, with an eyebrow raised in your direction.

“You know I’m right. You’ve basically jumped five feet into the air at every little noise that things made. Can’t be healthy for you.” She said between bites.

“You wouldn’t understand, Nobara…” You whined, dramatically leaning on your desk and pretending to feel faint.

“I’m not your mom! Don’t say it like that!!” She huffed, sticking her tongue out at you. “I just don’t get how you could get worked up over some boy.”

Yuji chimed into the conversation from his spot on your roomates' bean bag. “I mean, I know why you’re freaking out but… Y/N, it’s Yuta! You guys were friends for like, forever! And he was always pretty chill from what I remember… I’m sure it’s not gonna be weird or anything.” He said.

Nobara gave him a raised brow as well. 

“I’m not… I’m not worried it’s going to be weird.” You replied. 

“Then what is it?” He asked.

You bit your lip. You weren’t 100% sure why you were so nervous, but you tried your best to explain anyway. “… What if it’s… like… just not right? What if it just doesn’t make sense anymore, I mean… It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. He’s moved on with his life and so have I… I’m not sure it would make sense to try again… uhm, try and be friends again. I mean there’s a reason we separated the first time and-“

“This again.”

Megumi’s cool voice cut through the air. You looked up to see him closing the front door and locking it behind him completely silently. It would have been creepy, had you not been so used to it by now.

He began looking directly at you with his eternally judging eyes as he situated himself in your own beanbag chair.

“Megumi! They were sorting their feelings out!” Yuji scolded, poking his cheek.

“Yeah, Megumi!! Don’t interrupt them!” Nobara chided, sending him a little glare.

He fought against the urge to roll his eyes. (And failed.) “I just don’t understand why they must make it so complicated.”

“I’m not making it complicated, it just is complicated!” You argued.

Megumi pinched the bridge of his nose. “You want to see him again?”

“Yes…”

“And he wants to see you?”

“Well, yes, but-“

“But what? That’s all there is to it.” He said.

“No it’s not I- I don’t even know how he’s doing emotionally! What if… What if nothing has changed from before? I mean, our identities were so intertwined that when he-“

“Didn’t you just say that he had moved on with his life.” Megumi deadpanned.

“Well, yes…”

“Y/N. You are way overcomplicating this.”

“I am not!!”

“Are too. If you both want to be friends again, and you both have changed, why are you so scared? It’s worth a shot, right?”

“I…”

“That was rhetorical. You need to answer that for yourself, not me.”

For a brief moment, you found yourself falling silent.

Why were you so nervous? It was just Yuta after all.

Perhaps, because it had been so long? After all, you had very little idea of what he had been up to in your time apart. 

What if you had nothing in common anymore?

What if he changed more than you knew?

What if you had completely incompatible schedules?

What if his new friends didn’t like you, and drove you apart again?

… But then again, you already knew that you two could still keep up a fun conversation together thanks to your little encounter at the coffee shop. You had seen all the little things that hadn’t changed about him after all this time. You knew deep down that he would move heaven and earth to see you again. You knew he still considered you his best friend.

Those worries weren’t true at all. Just anxious thoughts that gnawed at you. Things you told yourself over the years to convince yourself that it wouldn’t be right to follow your heart right back to him in any capacity. Things that were louder than ever before.

… If you were being completely honest with yourself… Maybe it was because you knew you still had feelings for him. Even after all this time.

And if that was true there was a possibility that eventually, that could drive you two apart no matter how hard you tried to fight against it. These feelings you had ran deep. That care that you felt for him might breach, extend, and pressure your mental state and drive you apart… the same way it had the first time. 

You snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of Nobara breaking the silence.

“Megumi, you’re totally oversimplifying things.” She said, rolling her eyes. “It’s like you’ve got a heart of stone or something.” 

Megumi shrugged. “I’m just putting it into context. It’s not healthy for them to stew like that with their thoughts like that. I’m sure you agree.” He replied pointedly.

Yuji pondered for a minute on what he said. “I mean, he’s like… still their ex. It’s gonna feel weird because of that. Like it’s natural for them to want to think about it a little bit m-“

“Yuji, you said it wouldn’t be weird!!!” You whined, starting to pout a little bit.

He panicked slightly. “I meant weird, like complicated! Not weird like weird bad!”

“Yuji!” You groaned.

“Y/N!” He mimicked.

You glared at him.

“Oh. Uh. Sorry.” He scratched the back of his head. He lowered his head in apology, a guilty pout and eyes that looked at you like a four-week-old puppy who had just chewed up your nice shoes.

“You are forgiven.” You sighed. “But still. You guys aren’t helping at all! What am I supposed to say if he texts?”

“Tell him when you’re free.” Megumi stated.

You groaned, holding your head in your hands. “Megumi!”

He shook his head at you. “I’ve done all I can do for you. At least try to keep it down while I’m studying.” 

He started to move back across the room to his desk when the universe finally decided to answer your most secret prayer. Ding.

Immediately, all three of them turned to see you scrambling to pick up your phone. On bated breath, they waited to hear what it was.

“… It’s him!”

Yuji jumped up to read over your shoulder. “What’s it say? What’s it say?”

You began to read it aloud. “He said: ‘Hey Y/N, it’s Yuta, smiley face!”

Nobara looked puzzled. “Why did he do that? You obviously know it’s him. Couldn’t he have come up with a better opener?”

You bit your lip. “Well, actually, I only gave him my number…”

Nobara blinked in disbelief. “You can’t be serious right-”

Yuji shushed her. “He’s typing!”

Nobara and Megumi slowly inched their way over to have a look at your phone as well.

“I know it’s still finals season, but let me know when you have a little extra time. Mine is over this Friday, when is yours?”

“Why is he putting the ball in your court?” Nobara asked, nose scrunching up.

“I mean. What else is he supposed to say?” Yuji asked.

“According to Megumi?” Nobara then flattened her voice a comical amount. “Y/N, there’s a new coffee shop opening up this Saturday. We should go. ”

Yuji blinked. “But that’s not like him at all, from what I remember! And totally inconsiderate…”

Megumi hummed, causing Yuji to jump a little. “But it would get the point across in the simplest way.”

Yuji shook his head. “I think if he wants to ask them out he should be-“

“It’s NOT a date!” You interjected. You wished it could be, though. “I don’t even know what he wants to do!”

“Well, you should respond! Don’t leave him on delivered!” Yuji exclaimed.

Nobara shook her head. “I think they should wait. He made them wait two days for a response.

Megumi pinched his forehead. “Can you stop. Your mind games are going to give him the wrong idea.”

“Shuuut up Fushiguro! It’s not ‘mind games’- That’s just stupid! It’s just what would be fair!” She argued back.

Yuji ignored them, shaking your shoulder. “Oh, oh! Maybe you could put in a little smiley face? That might get him to loosen up!”

The three began to discuss what you should do with much enthusiasm- or, in Megumi’s case, a mild interest in your personal life, with a side of being completely convinced that he was right. Slowly you began to tune out the sound of their voices as they threw out suggestions.

Really, what should you do?

In truth, there would be no objectively right or wrong answer. You could respond now, or later, and the world would keep turning and time would keep passing just as it always had. You wished that for a moment it would, so you could sit and puzzle out your thoughts and feelings without interruption. But even when time felt most like it should have stopped, the day you had shut him out of your life, it still didn’t. It was overwhelming, the many possibilities of what you could do. 

The three chattered on in your ear as you repeatedly wrote up and deleted potential messages in your notes app.

You tried to think. It had been so long since you had asked yourself this. But if it had been Yuta here beside you, instead of your three beloved friends, what would he have said to ease you? How would he have suggested you respond in a situation like this?

You did remember one such instance.

~

You had dated people before Yuta. Quite a few, in fact. But in truth, you had always felt rather uncomfortable sharing when you were in a relationship with him. At the time you had believed that it had been because you weren’t that serious with them… but you had come to realize that it was because you felt very differently about Yuta than you did your other friends. Even, differently than these people you had dated.

A couple of years before you started dating, you had found yourself in a bit of a situation with Choso Itadori. A boy who was in the same grade as Yuta, and was Yuji’s older brother.

Subtly, he had been flirting with you. Not directly, which wasn’t your style. But he was cute, and he was nice… fiercely loyal, but a tad socially inept. He helped with your homework when you were studying with Yuji, and he engaged you in fun conversation despite the chaos of the Itadori household. You thought he could be a good match for you. It made sense, didn’t it?

Of course, you had gone to Yuji for advice! That was only right. It made the most sense. But ultimately, when Choso had texted you, and you alone, asking you out for ice cream… you found yourself texting Yuta in a panicked frenzy. And within a few minutes he showed up at your door with a bag of popcorn and a very concerned expression.

The two of you had sat down on the floor of your room as you verbally puzzled over what you could do. There were so many options. Leave him waiting, so as to appear a little cooler? You were just Yuji’s friend after all- what if Choso found you childish? Or maybe it would be better to respond now! But then again, what would you say, and how would you say it? Perhaps you throw a heart emoji in there?

Yuta had listened intently, with an uncharacteristically pensive expression. He looked like he wanted to say something, but would insist that you get out all your thoughts on the table before he would tell you what it was. And so on you ranted, tangled up in the many what-ifs of what Yuta perceived to be a fairly straightforward situation. 

After about thirty minutes, you let out a loud sigh. “... I don’t know, Yuu… What should I say? What do you think?”

Yuta bit his lip. “Y/N I…” He paused, biting his lip. Pensive, and very deep in thought.

Yuta had told you later on what he had wanted to say at that moment. That he had wanted to tell you how he really felt about you. Not just that, but about the situation you were in, and especially how he felt about Choso at that moment. 

He was so, so jealous of Choso. His thoughts had flashed to moments where Yuta felt he was too far close and far too comfortable around you. And you didn’t suspect anything until he had started flirting with you. But Yuta knew. Of course, he knew. And when Choso had doodled your name in his notebook or whispered gushy things to his deskmate about how cute you looked today, Yuta was in the chair behind him packing his jealousy into boxes and storing them away as far back in his mind as he could. 

But he also knew that before his feelings for you (and his jealousy around Choso), came your friendship. He cared more about the bond you two shared, and he wanted to remain in your life no matter what. He had never ever wanted to risk losing you. He wanted you to be comfortable and in love with life. If that meant you didn’t feel the same about him… he would stay by your side regardless. How he felt about you, to him, was deeper than romantic or platonic attractions. He loved you in every sense of the word. He would do anything if it meant you would be happy.

“Y/N, I think… Well, what do you want to do?” He asked.

You paused. “Well… I’m not sure. That’s why I’m asking you. What do you think should I do?” You explained.

It was very common for you two to have this discussion back then.

And, as always, he had responded: “Hmm… I think… you should do what you want to do.” You groaned in frustration. “Yuta!”

“Sorry, sorry… I just mean… well, do you like him? You know, like, enough to share ice cream?” He asked.

“Hm… I don’t know about share. But I wouldn’t mind going to get some with him.” 

Yuta nodded, tense. “I… see.” He cleared his throat. “Well… do you… I don’t know… Would you…” He struggled to get the words out. “Would you… want to go on a date with him? Like, a date, date. To get ice cream.”

You tilted your head slightly in amusement. “I guess?”

“Y/N! You guess??” He gasped. He grabbed your shoulders. “You shouldn’t go out with a guy you guess you like! You should be with someone who… who makes you feel loved. Like… you know how you feel about him.” He said, as he slowly and anxiously let go of your shoulders.

You chuckled a little, shaking your head. “I mean, yeah! Duh! But how will I know how I feel about them if I don’t go out with them first?”

“I think you can get some idea after a little while…” He grumbled.

You turned your attention back to your phone, pondering Yuta’s question. What did you want to do, really?

You liked Choso, you knew. But… you also knew that you were coming up with a million reasons to stall. Was that your subconscious way of saying no?

Then again, it was kind of this way with everything you did. For some reason, you were paralyzed at the thought of somehow making a wrong choice. Sometimes that prevented you from making any choice at all, and you would blow whatever way the wind would take you.

… But if you really like-liked him, wouldn’t you be jumping at the chance to go out with him? Wouldn’t this override the overwhelming thoughts? Wouldn’t this be exciting, rather than… a strange feeling of neutrality toward it all? He was cute, and he was nice… but you found that the thought of him taking you out, versus the thought that you would just stay home that weekend didn’t make you feel one way or another.

It was then that you had made your choice. As you looked up at Yuta, a new possibility popped into your brain.

“... Say, Yuta! My parents just bought a gallon of ice cream, and I heard there was this spooky movie that just came out! Maybe we can go watch it when it gets dark? And then we could make use of that popcorn too…  We could make a sleepover out of this!” You offered, suddenly finding yourself grinning ear to ear.

“Oh- Sure! Of course! But uhm… What about this Choso thing?” He had asked.

You shrugged, jumping to your feet. “Eh… it can wait.” You said with a chuckle, offering him your hand. “Right now I want to make use of my Yuta time!”

A warm smile washed over his face as he took your hand. “Alright. If that’s what you want.”

~

You snapped out of your memories very suddenly at the feeling of Yuji shaking you once more.

“Oh! Oh! I know! Y/N there’s this AWESOME amusement park that’s not too far from here! Megumi and I took Nobara and this girl she liked there and-”

“Absolutely not. That place is cursed!” Nobara proclaimed. 

“It isn’t cursed just because you dropped a corndog on her skirt. Really, you should have been more careful. I don’t think I would text you back either if you owed me dry-cleaning money.”

“Why you LITTLE-” Nobara was likely about to chew his head off, but your interruption saved him

“I know what I’m going to do.” A subtle softness laced your tone, and you found yourself smiling a little bit.

“Ohhhh what what what!” Yuji pestered, excitedly watching as you typed your response into your messenger app.

“My finals are over next week on Wednesday. There’s this ice cream spot near my campus that’s really cheap, and really good! Maybe we could both bring a friend? :)”

Megumi rolled his eyes. “If you want it to be a date why would you invite him to bring someone else.” He replied flatly.

“Have you ever considered, Fushiguro, that they’re trying to make him more comfortable?” He was about to reply, but Nobara stopped him completely. “NO, you haven’t! Don’t even try to lie!!” 

It was a little funny if you were honest. Nobara held a grudge like a vice, but when it came down to it, she cared deeply for all three of you. It seemed today though, you were her favorite, though.

While the two of them were distracted, Yuuji coyly poked your shoulder. “Sooooo… You’re bringing me, right? Besties for resties? Don’t you think I’ll be a good wingman for you?”

Of course, this immediately stopped Nobara from chastizing Megumi. She butted back in. “As if! You know nothing about romance anymore, you’re with Megumi now!”

Megumi shook his head. “You two would cause too many distractions. They’re obviously bringing me.

You let out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Just what had you gotten yourself into?

You supposed, though, that it was too late to turn back now. You suddenly felt incredibly grateful for Yuta’s patient nature.

Whoever you decided to bring, you would have to make sure they would keep you from flying off into your many what-ifs while you were with Yuta. You had to stay grounded as much as you possibly could.

Because you knew now, more than ever before, that you never wanted to leave Yuta Okkotsu behind ever again. 

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