#for the first time in. idk. a year. i want to fucking die
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my sitch sucks orz
#venting lmao - non-obligatory reading ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#i'm stuck between either living with my brother & his gf who are absolute dogshit communicators#or living with my mom in her nightmare of a house#it sucks!!!!!! it sucks. i hate this#for the first time in. idk. a year. i want to fucking die#i don't want this. i don't want to be in this situation. i don't want to be here.#if it didnt mean living on the streets i would choose Neither Of Them.#its moments like this that make me regret every single thing i've done.#orignaletti
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I miss old tumblr in the sense that i could complain about board exams and worrying about not getting enough to be eligible for my medical entrance test and i'd have summoned half the indian side of tumblr to sympathize
#im in sm stress#if i dont score above 75% im not eligible for my neet exam#which im planning to take a drop year for#and its gonne be both expensive and emotionally taxing#and i have to give THIS years neet exam too#for reasons#im not in the clear until may 20#adulthood is a scam#And that is well BEFORE i even start preparing for neet#well before i even have to consider the possibility that i might not get in#im pretty much using this post to vent in tags#its like 4 am#and im stressed. scared. everything#its really difficult just existing w adhd and mental illness#much less studying#and neet is like highly competetive#the cutoff goes so high#i want to get out of this city#and be safe and actually be alive for once#a big part of me will shrivel up and die if i stay#and this is the first time i've actually wanted smth for real#tentatively and doubtfully#but wanting still#and idk if i'll make a good doctor or if i'll fuck up and have it all blow up in my fsce#overthinking basically#im worried im not. capable of doing this#anyways desi tumblrinas where are you😭😭😭😭
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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crying again lol ok
#purrs#and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking#damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I#miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out#FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks#being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i#even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just#text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or#at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju#just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an#and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be#been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode#and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b#be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a#breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing#on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here#delete later#like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway#and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy.#retreat tag
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WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ITS OCTOBER TMRW
#TOMORROW AS IN THREE HOURS AS IN MY MUTUALS ARE ALREADY IN OCTOBER#I CANT#I CANNOT#why is this the first time in my life I’m actively trying to be present and I’ve never been more baffled about where the time went#(it’s a combination of the soul crushing depression and even with the ‘I literally want to die’ depression it’s still easier to get through#days than it ever has been before in my life. how fucking crazy is that. I’m spending my days ignoring the obnoxiously loud part of my brain#that’s like ‘you know you really want to be dead right?!’ and I’m still like. functioning better than I ever have in any school semester#ever before. ever. like. what. HUH.#the other day I was just thinking about myself and I just went ‘someone should really study me’ and I honestly don’t think I’m wrong#my friend used to joke that I was a medical mystery#and actually it was just a tmj thing and i didn’t sleep right for 21 years but like#ISNT THAT MORE FASCINATING#like idk if I’m just using my own small understanding of the thing to blow up the situation? but based on how drastically my life has#changed even while my mental health is still shit it’s just crazy to me
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Decided I would fix my sleep schedule the same day...I downloaded Baldurs Gate 3
seeing as it is right now 6am-yeah that hasn't worked now has it
#txts#always right before i gotta go back to work#super annoying#well...got like....half a sunday left#half bc...i do need to sleep sometime actually#my goal was 2am but then i was at the spider boss#and then i took care not to agitate or kill any goblns but guess i gotta anyway bc i dont want the tiefs or druids to die#couldnt shittalk my way out w/ the drow so i killed her which means its now slaughter time ig#they sadly all have names so it feels personal which ouch#also a bear killed a child#fucked up#i say a bear to stay spoiler free for a game that had early access for 2 years#idk how far that went tho#anyhow my brain is tired and seeing as in big red dudes room they got wardrums#i am planning out on how to free the spiders asap and just storm everything#gotta check out priestess first tho#or if i could avoid all this by freeing the imprisoned goblin#much to think about#my braincells....are....so low#a LOT has happened in game#so i'll nap and then go back t the last hours of joy till october...aka next vaction time
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Man I've been dead as fuck on here I miss posting stuff but idk what to post abt :/
#rat rambles#Ive mostly been thinking abd wc rp stuff and a lil bit of sploon and bndori but not enough that I feel motivayes to talk abt it#idk I might try doing an oc art ask game tomorrow maybe. like yall can give me two characters and Ill draw a scene between them#honestly if you wanna lock and load a pair ahead of time feel free to send it just know I might not get to it in a bit#I do have owed art Im working on still but Ive drawn more art than I have due total in one day before so Ill be fine#Im getting to draw monkeys for the first time so thats exciting!! Ive been wanting to for a while but havent had a good excuse to so Im#having fun with it :]#Im happy abt how flexible my artstyle is now if you asked me to draw a monkey like a year ago Id probably die djskhdjd#also Im soooo much better at poses now which also makes me rly happy#idk I just feel like my art is in a good place rn :]#I still have things I wanna improve on (mainly perspective) but all in all I think Ive made HUGE progress over the past year#I will say though I still feel like a lot of my stuff from abt a year ago still holds up (not all of it tho lol)#like in abt 2 months my beats animation will be a year old and thats fucking wild to me#but I will say I think in general my art is on average better quality noe#plus I will say the background in that animation was kinda shit Ive definitely improved on that frong djskysjs#I still have way more to go until Ill be happy with my ptoper backgrounds though#Im not bad at them per say but I dont rly know what Im doing with them either#I wanna be able to more easily get across the images I have in my head for backgrounds#Ill get there eventually tho#for now Im ok with where Im at Im sure Ill improve more as I draw as is always the case djsjhsks
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also. probably not a common hc, but its funny to me: i imagine that kid franziska (think like. toddler to early elementary/primary school) used to bite people and that's part of the reason she was given her whip
and not because her father wanted her to stop being needlessly violent, (obviously not) but because she might get a commoner disease </3
#yo it's d :)#this is going in the main tag only because i want y'all to see it. be blessed#aa#ace attorney#idk i feel like she definitely tried to bite miles the first time she met him#and not because she couldn't communicate or anything. she's just a little bit mean and that's okay <33#she definitely had several 'don't bite that' moments.#despite everything i do think manfred gave a little tiny bit of a fuck about her safety#you can't turn someone into a perfect prosecutor if they die from a preventable disease at four years old !!! (/hj)
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now some people may not like to hear it but even the worst people who exist are still people & there is no human being who has More right than others to decide whether others deserve to live or die (does not mean i personally condemn murder in self defense or anything of the sort or killing fascists or whatever i'm just saying as a baseline This Is How it Is) & this is why the death penalty is not a good thing no matter how good & trustworthy the people in any government might be. people on average also deserve the chance to learn to do better. & no, someone who's been forcefed propaganda their entire life will not let go of that deeply entrenched mindset so easily, it's not particularly unrealistic & it absolutely sucks to deal with but in the context of tangibly working toward world peace it's also not an issue to try & help such people both in material ways & in helping them learn better rather than cut them down or abandon them to a grim fate. all this to say that's why i don't think garlemald is written badly, as unpleasant as the experience might be. walks off the stage
#ffposting#also if you hate garlemald's writing THIS much but like emet-selch i think theres a disconnect there i just dont understand.#like he made it that way. you do understand this is all because of him right. maybe you should be more upset about that.#garlemald is very uncomfortable & the real life parallels it draws make it a very very touchy Thing to deal with#but i do not think it is handled badly.#their supremacy is entirely gone by the time of edw the people there have known nothing but propaganda#the populares are known to be a minority. people like cid or jenomis aren't that common. this is why they get along#the propaganda is such that even occupied domans like asahi fell for it & feel absolutely nothing for their kin#thats what propaganda does. there is absolutely a degree of responsibility regarding what they do & i would never say otherwise#however the idea that we should let them die & not get a chance to rebuild after theyve lost everything (again) is like. huh.#when you want to work toward world peace in a meaningful way you cant just abandon anyone like that.#like thats a whole people. they suck! but it is not immutable & they deserve the opportunity to do better like any other#id much rather they face retribution for their actions in meaningful ways including working toward reparations#wrt all the peoples the empire occupied than to round them up to kill them or worse let them die to the telophoroi#OR to becoming blasphemies. that would make things so extremely worse.#i just dont understand how you can have sympathy for jullus when he was just like everyone else at first#but you want to leave the rest of them to die. & i dont get how you can like emet & want them to die.#like he fucking did this its a pretty notable very fucking bad thing that he did. no doubt varis has made it worse#but varis was in power for like 2 years at best.#that emet was playing a role & did not actually believe in or care about what he was doing does not erase that he did it#& i personally find it hypocritical to like him if you balk at the idea of garlemald restoration. clears throat#i believe in killing fascists but i also dont believe in punitive justice#& by the time of edw garlean civilians do not hold the systemic power they once mightve#which i think is also important. their entire country is in shambles.#if anything its the ideal opportunity for them all to start anew & learn better. shed their preconceptions as one might say#that said i still skip garlemald cutscenes bc i dont need cunts calling me a savage ✋-_-#do not take any of this for garlean apologia i fucking hate dealing with them on an individual level as a xaela player lmfao#also as a jew. notably as a jew. the similarities w both nazi germany & israel have not escaped my notice believe me.#but yeah. if you can feel pity for livia who is a military general WHO HAS ACTIVELY KILLED YOUR FRIENDS#but not for the civilians whove never been exposed to anything other than propaganda. idk man. 30 tags. fly free my post
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congrats to everyone that is still following me after I saw I had way too many followers to not have at least one antisemitic person following me, the fact that you don't think I murder children for fun is truly a comfort
#I wish this was /s but no genuinely#Had 22 followers. Every time I reach past 20 at least one is antisemitic#I now have 15 followers#thanks for not hating me for being born in a country once btw#Like listen I don't mind if you mass reblog propal stuff. That's good#Just please make sure it's not the posts that talk about how israelis are all evil and want to murder everyone#And maybe reblog. One post about how there's a lot of antisemitism in propal spaces#And how you don't want to make the jews on your blog scared or uncomfortable over that#Just one post. It doesn't have to be praising israel bc fuck knows I hate our current government so much#But I see posts about how secular jews in israel are actually european colonizers roleplaying#And I think about how 100 years ago my great grandparents moved here#And how I'm genuinely scared for my sister who is visiting friends in the uk in a month#And how I'm scared for myself if I ever leave this country again#Because apparently me not wanting to die is controversial in all my political spaces#Except for pro israelis leftist spaces#And that's really sad#That I don't feel safe with yall anymore#Idk#I once joined a mcytblr discord server#The first day I'm there someone asks to “censor i/p” and gets the response “just don't look at the vent channel”#So. I looked.#Not a single person in that server cared enough to say “but it's not all israelis” at the people raving about i/p#Like people out there saying I on a personal level would be happy to murder people because of where I was born#I still get squirmy killing spiders that have rather painful bites. I could never hurt another human on purpose#And they just kept agreeing with each other in the most echo-chamber-y way#So. I left that server#And now I barely do mcyt fandom stuff because I'm scared of getting attention#I don't want attention on my blog or on me as a person#Because at least one in 20 followers will cheer if I get murdered#And that's fucking heartbreaking
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Gotta stop thinking “just once won’t hurt” cause it in fact will
#tw for. idk sh and drugs ig#but I distinctly remember the first few times I ever cut#with the thought that I had control I’d be able to stop#and now I struggle to make it a month clean and have been trying to get clean for years#and I went and started taking shit to be able to ‘cope’ with work and life#and realized too late it was taking over in the same way#and despite trying to stop sooner before it gets as bad as the cutting has#it’s still really fucking hard#it still gets to points where all I can think about is when can I next#and then someone will offer me something even stronger and I’m trying to not let it get bad#I even told them like hey I can see where this is leading me and I don’t want that#and the very next day they offer me fucking ketamine anyways and try to convince me like hey it’ll help with the mental shit I was dealing w#which you know what in short term yea maybe#but long term it always makes things worse#and I can’t keep living my life expecting to die#ghost rambles#anyways I’m so normal and sorry for over sharing on the internet again#if anyone irl sees this it’s all a joke I’m totally stable and have never done anything questionable
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i really should be studying and focusing on school more tbh
#my grades are Horrendous this year#i dont want to have to retake this year im gonna lose all my friends#imagine. imagine that. id rather die#sigh. i really should try getting. a study routine going#and pay more attention to class#and. do my assignments...#idk. focusing has been really hard lately#sometimes i feel like everything is too damn distracting and i cant put my mind to literally anything#sighs. my monthly tests are next week toooo aaughhhh#WOW i am a complete mess actually ok. hold on. whats the first step to fixing this up#probably turn in all the assignments im missing#and maybe not go out this weekend#yeah. yeah ok i can do this no problemo. WILL fuck my sleep schedule up a little bit though#<- went to sleep at 3am yesterday probably doing it again today but this time for a noble cause#after this i promy ill go sleep at 10:30pm
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The Locked Tomb Dashboard Simulator
💎 saintofawe ☑️ Follow
It always astounds me how dreadfully boring pre-resurrection media sounds.
💎 saintofawe ☑️ Follow
"And then he loved him but only in the Spanish dub" why is the dub only kind of span.
#our dear necrolord is reminiscing about his 'Favorite Johnlocks' again #duplicitous sluts please interact #i need a fucking break
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🦷 gleam_of_a_jewel Follow
"Don't transvestigate religious figures" Cyrus the First had a pussy and I will die on this hill.
#gem.txt #before tower dickrider anons infiltrate my asks #my great great aunt was a distant relative of his cavalier #also i'm right
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💉 se7en Follow
for important necromantic research 😇
🧠 scapulascissors Follow
half these people have not been heard from in thousands of years i don't know whether those dicks are really at their peaks anymore
👾 nyecromansea Follow
Where's my "Anyone-But-Two-Pump-Chump-Gaius" option?
🧟 graveyardshift Follow
LET ME PICK JOY'S FLESHMAGIC FOOTLONG YOU ABSOLUTE COWARD.
#they HATE to see a girlboss win #miss second saint to serve the emperor undying please girl just one chance #yes she's missing yes it's because she's in my bed every night #what about it
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💀 towerofficial ☑️
In response to any concerns about a contagious black goop spreading to The Houses, The Tower would like to emphasize that this is not currently something anyone in The Houses should worry about. It is under control, and remember that tomorrow is Resurrection Day!
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💀 towerofficial ☑️
S. Time is a flat fucking circle.
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🫀 chussy Follow
anyone else feel like the anti-nine-houses rhetoric on this site has skyrocketed since the princes were crowned? i don't want to say it's lesbophobia but.....
👤 antizombieactivism-deactivated-1947582
Are you fucking serious???? Not everything is about sexuality holy shit can you think critically for two seconds, The N*crolord literally has been fucking over planets for millennia.
🫀 chussy Follow
that legit does not account for the rise.... idk im just saying
#tell me you hate butches without telling me you hate butches #embarrassing!!!
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☠️ is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet Follow
still no
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#the locked tomb#tlt#dashboard simulator#dash simulator#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#ntn spoilers#ntn#gtn#htn#john gaius#ianthe tridentarius#ianthe naberius#kiriona gaia#gideon nav#beauposting#my post
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The covid finally got me
#the first time i ever go out for new years eve#and i have three appointments this week that i now have to cancel#one of which was ironically my second booster vaccine#i won't die but i haven’t been sick like this in a long time#and my friend's dad has cancer and she hasn't responded to my message about testing postive yet#i was with both her and her mom fuck#i chalked up my headache and the aches to the alcohol#one of my appointments is an initial adhd screening which I've wanted for so so long#and idk when I'll get another one
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lover ; LN4
pairing(s) ; lando norris x swiftie!reader
summary ; in which y/n just wants to post pictures of her boyfriend, not expecting people to get the wrong idea
warnings ; smau, lots of fluff
note ; its 3am and i didn’t want to sleep til i finished this so idk what mistakes there probably is lmao😭 also just pretend the twitter stuff says 2024 i cba changing it all
instagram ; yourusername
liked by nando4lorris, carlossainz55 and others
yourusername i saw the dimples first and then i heard the accent 💓☺️
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user1 who are you
carlossainz55 you tagged the wrong account silly
yourusername you replied with the wrong account moron
nando4lorris you two aren’t slick
yourusename yeah ok mr nando lorris
nando4lorris you’re supposed to be on my side wtf
user2 i’m so lost 😭😭
user3 i’m confused someone explain
user4 babe everyone’s confused
user5 wait so is this carlos’ gf or not
user6 idk who you are but you’re hot as fuck
user7 ok i swear i’ve seen carlos wear that top in the 4th pic before
user8 yeah i think i’ve seen lando wearing it too tho
user9 but lando isn’t in this girls likes and comments
nando4lorris yeah guys you’re right she’s gotta be carlos’ girlfriend
yourusername nando4lorris fuck off i hate you so much 😭😭😭😭😭
user10 ????????
instagram ; yourusername
liked by landonorris, nando4lorris and others
yourusername i’d like to hang out with you for my whole life 🤗🧡
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user1 crying because lando liked on his main AND his burner (confirmed)
yourusername p.s. the tag in these pics is for PHOTO CREDS 😁
user2 LMFAOOO HER COMMENT
user3 girl said my mans is NOT carlos sainz jr🙅♀️
user4 i have so much to say
user5 the taylor love lyrics, the orange heart emoji, the flowers, the ladybugs, THE CAT CARDIGAN
user6 i think i would die for her
nando4lorris 🧡🧡
yourusername 🥰
carlossainz55 i thought you guys were still trying to be sneaky
yourusername carlos you’re the one making it hard to be sneaky
user7 oh it’s so lando
carlossainz55 oh well it’s been 4 years everyone already knew
user8 ITS BEEN WHAT JEHFKSKKS ????????
instagram ; landonorris
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and others
landonorris i’ve loved you (five) summers now honey but i want them all 😁😁
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user1 oh my god
user2 FIVEEEEE SUMMERS????? EVEN MORE THAN CARLOS SAID !/?;&2!@:9(
carlossainz55 i’m sorry i just guessed how many years because i didn’t know exactly just that its been a long long time
yourusername it’s ok carlos you were close
user3 SHES BEEN TO RACES AND NO ONES EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER OH MY GOD
maxverstappen1 finally mate
oscarpiastri wooo secrets out 🥳
user4 he used a taylor lyric for the caption im gonna be sick
user5 if you zoom in on the second pic you can actually see me drowning myself in the background
ciscanorris1 💓💓
yourusername love you🥰
user6 wait i don’t have twitter can someone explain
user7 oh BABE you’ve got some catching up to do
yourusername my fav boy love you to saturn ☺️🧡
landonorris i love you more than you love taylor swift🥰
yourusername ok settle down babe don’t go too far
landonorris no sorry you’re right
user8 when he understands that ones love for taylor is never beaten >>>>>
user9 i need them biblically
user10 i still don’t understand how they hid her for 5 years lmfaoooo
user11 yourusername ok y/n but did he take you to the eras tour
yourusername he got us tickets for a uk show later this year 🥰🥰
user12 now, how’d that curly haired vroom vroom bitch pull HER
liked by landonorris!
my other works !
#lando norris#lando#lando norris fluff#smau#formula one imagine#lando x reader#lando norris x reader#lando x you#lando norris x you#carlos sainz#formula one#formula 1#f1 imagine#f1 fluff#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fluff#mclaren#taylor swift#lando norris imagine#lando imagine#Spotify
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Mine- Christopher Sturniolo
Summary: You’re on stream with the triplets and you come on the screen and the chat goes CRAZY, starts hitting on you, calling you beautiful, andChris gets a little jealous and decides to remind you of who you belong to…
Warnings: SMUTTTT, Dom!Chris,Sub!Reader, p in v, Unprotected sex (practice safe sex please), degradation, praising, oral (fem receiving), (idk what else i missed)
A/N: UMMM THIS WAS REQUESTED A LONG TIME AGO BUT TY FOR REQ THIS SO SORRY ITS TAKEN ME SO LONG, Chris is low-key like ROUGH in this.. Could u tell I'm ovulating
PSA: THIS IS MY WORK PLEASE AND THANK YOU DO NOT USE MY WORK AT ALL
Chris and I have been dating in the public eye for about 2 ish weeks now, but in private it's been 2 years, surprisingly the fans took it a lot better than he and I both expected. I've received more love than hate, occasionally I'll get a 14-year-old girl in my DMs or comment section talking about stealing her man or whatever.
Today was the first time the Triplets had streamed on their Twitch channel in a couple of months now, so obviously Chris invited me for our first actual Twitch stream since being out in the public eye.
“MATT YOU FUCKING SUCK, HOW DID YOU ALREADY DIE AFTER BEING IN A MATCH FOR 3 MINUTES” Chris yells through his headset.
“Hey, baby...” i slowly walk a little timid after trying to compose myself to join the stream.
Chris squeals softly excited to see me finally join the stream “Hi ma, glad to see you finally keeping me company” he pats his lap for me to sit, and I smile softly adjusting myself on his thigh.
I giggled softly looking through the chat. “Hey someone named Ellie just subscribed”
“SHES A PRO ALREADY” Nick yells.
Instead of focusing on the game, Chris was playing I found myself looking through their chat.
Sturnfan626: Y/N IF YOU AND CHRIS BREAK UP BE MINEE
The4thtriplet: Shes stunning oh my god
Crybaby19853: this is how I find out Chris has a girlfriend? But wait why is she like absolutely beautiful.
The chat was flooding with compliments about me and how Chris bagged me or them not understanding how Chris pulled me.
“Awe Chris your fans are so sweet look” I smiled at him as he glanced at the chat screen his eyes darkened watching 35k people hitting on me, and even a couple wanting me to start an Onlyfans which to protect my sanity and privacy I would never.
“Yeah I know I got a hot girlfriend” Chris sort of rolls his eyes before focusing his eyes back to the screen.
“Thank you, everyone,” I softly giggle as Chris’ hand snaked around my waist gripping it a little hard.
I was bombarded with comments in the chat, responding to questions about Chris and me while the boys kept playing Fortnite. Unbeknownst to me, it was disturbing Chris, as he began muttering curse words under his breath, a rare occurrence unless he's truly angry.
“I don't know about you guys but I'm super fucking tired,” Chris says while clicking out of the match, now using both of his hands and wrapping them around my waist.
“BYE EVERYONE WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR JOINING OUR STREAM TONIGHT” Nick yells kissing the camera.
“we’ll see you when we see you,” Matt says ending the stream
Chris groans as the stream ends leaning back in his chair and running his fingers through his hair. “Get on the bed”
“Hm?” I turn my head to face him furrowing my eyebrows.
“You fucking heard me Y/N, don’t be a fucking stubborn brat” Chris says coldly.
“O-okay” I obeyed hopping off his lap walking around to the bed and lying down resting myself on my elbows.
Chris walked over hovering over me between my legs and caressing my cheek with his thumb “Such a greedy fucking whore,” he chuckled softly “fishing for compliments from other people” he shook his head leaning down and colliding his lips with mine hungrily. He wrapped his hand around my throat applying just the right amount of pressure getting a soft moan out of me, sending an invitation to explore my mouth. While exploring my mouth his hand travels down my body yanking down the sleep shorts I walked around the house in all day making them bunch up around my ankles. He pulls away softly smirking down at me fully removing my underwear and the rest of my shorts throwing them across the room.
He settles between my legs using his finger and gliding it up and down my wet, aching pussy. “So fucking beautiful,” he says as his voice drops into a husk. He analyzes my face as he slowly glides his finger into me watching as my breath hitches. “And so fucking wet” he chuckled dipping his head down and kitty-licking my clit while pumping his finger in and out of me.
“O-oh s-s-shit Chris” i moan out “s-so fucking good”
He harshly sucks my clit taking it between his teeth while he adds a second finger into me curling his finger up and hitting that hard-to-reach spot.
My back arches off the mattress watching him enjoy every inch of me in his mouth. he began pumping faster into me making my moans turn into whimpers “S-So f-fucking close” I breath out.
Chris groans against the taste of my arousal all over his mouth “Cum” he mutters diving into my pussy like his last meal, pumping faster in and out of me.
“CHRIS” I squeal finally snapping that knot in my abdomen all over his mouth and fingers. I sit up balancing my weight against my elbows looking at him and wiping his mouth against his forearm and undressing himself.
“The first one was free, you’re working for the next few” he grins beginning to take off his boxers as his aching, red cock.
My eyes widened “W-what?” I stuttered.
“You didn't think I was done with you, did you?” he comes now laying between my legs, his face just inches away from mine, and rubbing his cock through my sensitive folds.
I softly nodded batting my eyelashes at him. “Oh? Don't be so naive baby” he coos, continuing to rub his tip against my folds. “I'm far from done with you” his chuckle was almost sadistic, I'd never seen him like this but holy mother of pearl it was turning me on so fucking fast.
He aligned his cock with my entrance pushing his tip in slowly then pulling back out a couple of times, teasing my entrance, making me whine from the loss of contact. “You want it?” he says grabbing my chin and making me look at him.
I nodded violently stuffing my bottom lip out for him. “You beg for what you want Y/N” his voice turned husk.
“P-please Chris” I whined as his tip continued to push in and out of me.
“Please what, princess?” he glides his thumb over my bottom lip while giving me a faux sympathy look on his face.
“P-please fuck me, Chris,” I stated confidently swallowing a lump in my throat.
He chuckles before pushing his length farther into me “Such a pretty mouth, begging so nicely” he smirks fully bottoming out in me, making my eyes touch my brain.
"God you don't know how bad I missed fucking this little pussy of yours," Chris smirked. "That's right, princess. I want you until you see fucking stars. I won't even fucking stop if someone sees or hears. You're mine, understand? You're my little fuck toy," he husked.
I whimpered at his words. I'd never been more aroused than I was right then. He began to regain his fast pace, as I cried out in pleasure.
"Fuck, Chris!" I shouted. This seemed to turn Chris on even more as he thrust into me even harder, making my tits bounce.
"Chris, Chris, Chris," I moaned.
Chris grunted, leaned his head towards my neck, and latched his lips onto my soft skin. He took my skin in between his teeth and sucked forcefully.
"That's gonna leave a mark, Chris, stop," I Whined.
He pulled away and smirked. "I know, that's the point, you dirty little slut, I want people to see you belong to ME” his thrusts maintained a brutal pace while attacking my cervix.
“F-Fu-Fuckk” I stuttered as my legs began to shake around his torso. “Cl-Close” I choked out.
“No” his voice husked in my ear as his hand made a fist next to my head to support his weight and his harsh movements. “Do you deserve to cum?” he hummed in my ear.
“Y-yes p-lease, Chris” I begged between my moans.
“You Cum with me or not at all got it?” he grunts out sitting up and wrapping his hand around my throat and squeezing the sides just enough to make the pleasure more intensifying.
“Mhm,” I moaned out looking at him and giving him doe-eyes that I knew he couldn't resist.
“Nu-uh, words, understand?” he squeezed my throat a little harder.
“Y-Yes s-Sir” i wept, the pleasure of him repeatedly pounding my cervix and the way his veins popped out of his forearm while wrapped around my throat became almost uncontrollable, the knot in my stomach could burst at any moment now.
He smirked at my response “My greedy girl, just so pitiful, begging for that release,” he grunted “Hold it for a couple of seconds okay, beautiful? Can you do that for me?” he bit his lip removing his hand from my throat to brush the hair on my face away, smiling down at me.
“C-Cant” I shook my head squeezing my eyes shut as tears of overstimulation began forming at the corners of my eyes.
“Yes, you can pretty girl, I'm almost there alright? Just keep squeezing me so good baby” he moves his hand down my body slowly and agonizing down to my clit and toying with it while maintaining his attack on my pussy.
“FUCK” I squeal arching my back off the bed. My moans became whimpers as my makeup began to run from the tears now streaming down my face “C-Cum-Cumming” I let out a scream of pleasure as my orgasm hit me like 14 busses and I squirted all over him and everything else in the way.
“That's it,” he coos “Keep cumming for me, let it all out” he continued as his thrusts became sloppier chasing after his own release. 
“Such a good fucking girl for me baby,” he smiles as his last couple of thrusts in me painted my once pink walls a nice shade of white. He slowly pulls out of me being careful not to hurt me. “Let me clean you up yeah?” his smile made me smile back at him as he left quickly to his bathroom to grab a lukewarm washrag. He slowly drags it down my legs and carefully wipes my cum covered pussy making me wince “I know ma, I know” he coos throwing the rag into the pile of clothes we left on the floor.
“You okay?” he chuckled admiring my fucked-out expression.
“Mhm, I'm good” I smiled moving my body to face his
“I wasn't too rough on you was I?” he smiles moving my hair behind my ears.
“Honestly, you were perfect” I smiled leaning into his touch.
“I'm sorry I got a little possessive, I'm trying to get used to the whole ‘the public relationship’ type thing, I'm still used to keeping you my little secret,” he says softly kissing my forehead and pulling my body closer to his.
A pound at the door quickly broke up this once peaceful pillow talk moment “HEY FREAKS!” Nick yells “SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP” he continued before walking away from the door and slamming his own door.
Chris and I chuckled as I nuzzled my head into his chest. “Do you wanna watch Sponge Bob? Or gossip girl?” he says running his fingers through my hair
“Whatever you want” I smiled before fastly falling asleep wrapped in his arms.
Chris looked at me falling asleep on him smiled down at me shook his head, admiring how peaceful and soundly I slept intertwined with his own body.
A/N PT2: GUYS IDK WHAT HORMONE MONSTER ATTACKED ME BUT LIKE I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS!! I love you all and i hope you all have a blessed and amazing day! 🩷
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