#(it’s a combination of the soul crushing depression and even with the ‘I literally want to die’ depression it’s still easier to get through

[boomerang109]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ITS OCTOBER TMRW

[tods-void]

!!! THIS POST CONTAINS DEPRESSION VENTING OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT'S CALLED, IF YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT RIGHT NOW DON'T READ IT !!!

imagine being 27, a closeted queer, having clinical depression and no good friends in IRL distance to be able to alleviate the combination of existential dread and despair, along with soul-crushing loneliness. I also happen to live in a shithole country classified as a developing nation on the ass end of Europe and my university degree was in art, which makes my chances of finding a fulfilling stable job the equivalent of a coin toss where the "you win" side is made of lead. moving abroad isn't an option for money reasons and also try managing anxiety in a place where nobody knows or gives a shit about you and where you don't even have a roof over your head.

my desire to put out something creative into the world is the literal only thing that has kept me going for the last 5 years. I have absolutely nothing else tethering me to this wretched plain of existence. sometimes I question if that sole desire of mine is even worth how horrible existing feels for me. I'm under no illusion that the thing I want to create is some magnum opus that would change the world, I just wanted to share the fantasy escapist world I have in my head with other people because it's the only part of me I consider valuable.

tonight is one of those nights. if anyone chooses to read this, thanks. it means I'm not howling into the void.

[sepublic]

Marcy’s Condition

           I’m scared for Marcy. Seeing her so wounded, I just-

           I really am afraid. Afraid that she’s going to need not just emotional and mental therapy, but physical therapy as well… Which, we don’t know how successful Andrias’ procedure is going to be, but still. It really sucks and haunts me how Sasha has that scar on her face, as a permanent reminder of what happened in Amphibia, of Reunion…

           But not to compare pain, but Marcy is somehow even worse- Because she might just have that ENTIRE gaping scar on her chest and back, and… Remembering how she almost died, how she THOUGHT she died. The pain, the unimaginable horror and agony at being impaled. The reminder of everything that happened in True Colors, the pain and desperation, the betrayal… I can legit seeing it become an actual, medical trigger for Marcy. Sasha at least managed to cope with the scar on her face, good for her…!

           But Marcy… I can easily see this breaking her. And it just leads to her always trying to cover up that scar and not look at it, which, is easy because she can accomplish that with any regular shirt, but still… It’s just the entire concept of bodily autonomy being violated, of being marked like that, and it worsens with the idea of Andrias turning Marcy into a cyborg, and/or his master possessing her. To already have her body so grievously hurt and wounded, to then be operated on like a test subject, to be controlled and puppeted with this entity inside her… It genuinely sickens me.

           This girl suffered, and there’s always that permanent, visual reminder of it. At least with Sasha, you can argue how she brought it on herself, as a reminder of how she tried to kill Anne’s surrogate father and why this mistake backfired; It’s a learning experience, although trauma is trauma of course, so that is to be said VERY lightly and carefully. It’s not like Anne MEANT to scar Sasha; But Marcy… Marcy didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be impaled by someone she trusted, who took advantage of and manipulated her… 

          She was afraid of confiding her fears in with Anne and Sasha, and she found that in Andrias; And now, she’s likely to be even MORE terrified of opening up because of this! Especially with how Andrias has the AUDACITY to literally gaslight Marcy in her final moments, as she realizes she’s going to die and is dead, by saying “Look what you’ve made me do.” As if he hasn’t emotionally manipulated her enough, to imply Marcy’s violent death is all her fault, and/or that of the friends she loves and didn’t want to lose, was so afraid of being rejected by. Because I guess her soul hadn’t been crushed enough!

           Not to mention… Getting impaled like that, having a burning blade through your spine… I’m just really afraid that when this is all over, IF Marcy gets to recover and heal; She might be paralyzed. She might be plagued with physical health issues for the rest of her life, because she’s missing an entire chunk of her spine; And, hopefully Andrias’ procedure can give Marcy’s body a full recovery… Ideal scenario, no scar, even! 

          But I can’t help but feel like being possessed by Andrias’ master, THAT could leave its own physical toll on Marcy’s poor body, and it just agonizes me to see this girl be violated like that, emotionally and physically. It’s depressing how Marcy briefly treats others more like NPCs in her game than people, because now SHE’s being objectified, losing her agency, in a way that is so much worse and totally undeserved.

           Marcy doesn’t deserve to have to live with physical health issues for the rest of her life, for what happened; She’s a kid. She doesn’t deserve to be plagued with echoes of pain and physical trauma that constantly remind her of what happened, even when she’s not directly looking at the visual mark it left behind. And I’m just scared that when this is all over… I can see Marcy being bedridden, being in ACTUAL medical therapy, because I have a hard time imagining her being able to function without that.

           What if she becomes physically sick and ill, still feeling the repercussions of her wound or possession or being modified against her will? I don’t want to imagine Marcy looking at prosthetics that Andriasgave her, for the rest of her life. There’s nothing wrong with needing physical aid, or medicine, or therapy to get by in life; But for Marcy, it could serve as a reminder of issues that came as a direct, unfair, result of her time in Amphibia; A loss of carefree health she once had… And she doesn’t deserve to be haunted like that.

          I don’t want Marcy to be plagued by health issues, she’s gone through ENOUGH already, having the rest of Marcy’s life be permanently riddled and restrained because of her wound, it just… It genuinely leaves me in anguish. I don’t want to see Marcy in a wheelchair, as a permanent, haunting reminder that is intertwined in every aspect of her life, of what happened… A reminder she literally can’t escape because it’s her own body, and it’ll affect just about every breathing moment for her.

           I don’t want to see Marcy struggle to breathe from damaged lungs. Or have her struggle with meds –I know that feeling- or constantly need a device for physical aid, something to be hooked up to often. I don’t want to imagine Marcy sometimes lying in bed at night, placing her hand over her chest, so she can feel her heart beating, to relieve and reassure herself that she’s still alive. Not after feeling her heart stop beating when she was first impaled… She’s so young, she has her whole life ahead of her, or should, and she had that violently ripped away from her, barely got to live with that kind of normal life before it was gone for good. She deserves to just breathe, carefree, and feel the sunlight on her face and enjoy life.

           As a disclaimer, I don’t want to patronize people with disabilities or injuries. I don’t want to turn physical conditions into some inescapable tragedy that can’t be moved past, can’t be healed from; There are so many people who have managed to adapt and continue living as always. I’m sorry if I did that… But Marcy’s whole condition could be a brutal reminder of what happened to her, of that horrible thing that wracked not just her heart but her entire body. She shouldn’t have to suffer for that, for the rest of her life…

           And I’m terrified for her mental health. Of her suffering from actual PTSD, being triggered by things that remind her of that moment. Of having nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing, as she reaches out for Anne or Sasha for comfort. I can’t handle that thought, the idea of a kid in that sort of pain… It’s so unfair and she doesn’t deserve it. I can genuinely, plausibly see Marcy becoming depressed, becoming somber and morose for a long while, before she can finally heal and become happy and excited and curious in things that open way she does; And GOD, I’d be inconsolable if she felt suicidal, because how do you move on from that? Thinking her life wasn’t worth it without Anne or Sasha, that she literally can’t handle it… Combined with the possibility of abuse in more ways than one from her parents, how THEY won’t help, if they’re even allowed near Marcy after all this.

           Does Marcy have anyone to even turn to when it all ends? I hope she does. I can only imagine her being constantly terrified of being alone, and needing company just to get by… She really deserves a therapy pet after all this, maybe Joe Sparrow could help. It just… It just sounds like Marcy’s whole life has been wracked with this kind of pain, and I don’t want to her pain get any worse, to see it get physically chronic. Any kind of physical pain could easily traumatize and push Marcy to her limits… And, there’s the possibility of good representation for physical disabilities, but also, I don’t want to patronize anyone, or speak over their voices, so again I apologize if I did.

           I guess this just stems from me wanting to see Marcy’s pain be acknowledged and addressed so she can properly heal from it, can be validated and told that it was terrible and should’ve never happened no matter what… But maybe I can find relief in the denial that it didn’thurt her this badly, that Marcy is fine and doesn’t have to deal with that to begin with, because wouldn’t that be better for her? I dunno.

           It’s undeniable that Marcy is going to be emotionally crushed after this… But does she have to stay, or become, physicallycrushed as well?

I just…

           SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL SOME LOVE AND CARE AND THERAPY ASAP FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND LET HER BE WELL AGAIN!!!!!

           I just want Marcy to be able to recover and heal… I genuinely hope and wish her emotional spirit will at least be able to move on after this, that she can still find joy and excitable fun, and get to be a kidagain, with her best friends like old times; Only better, because she’s at least grown. God, these girls and their trauma, and the inevitability of how it’ll haunt and hurt them… It leaves me inconsolable.

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

[requiem626k]

Hello my dear Req, I'm here again to ask for some classical music you could recommend me🤭 Usually I would ask for piano music, but I've been in the mood for one with a harp in it lately! And I know you're busy with school and all that so please take your time hehe. And take care🥰

Hello there, my dearest Kat ❤️! I’d be so delighted to recommend you more pieces, it makes my little heart so happy that you’re interested in them 🥺💕

I hope you’ll like my selection! I tried to include variety in terms of vibes, nationalities and eras this time (Austrian-Classical, Russian-Romantic and French-19th century), instead of sticking to a single man 🤭 I’ll try to keep it short and simple (no that’s a lie, I won’t be able to 😶)

And thank you so much for your consideration, things have been pretty busy for me indeed so I’m sorry for the extremely late post 😖 And I know that uni is soon starting for you, so likewise, please take your time to listen to the pieces <3

That being said, let’s start~

Mozart - Als Luise die Briefe ihres ungetreuen Liebhabers verbrannte

Of course, it wouldn’t be Req’s post if it didn’t start off with Mozart. This is a short lied like Das Veilchen (the one that I previously shared), the title is long haha and it means “As Luise Was Burning the Letters of Her Unfaithful Lover”. As you can guess from its name, this is really, REALLY dramatic. It’s in c minor, a tonality that Mozart doesn’t use so often (but when he does, oh boy, see his Great Mass in c minor 🤤) but which is perfect for its fierce mood. Also it’s fairly special for me because we used to sing this in our music theory classes haha, I would play the piano accompaniment while practicing with the classmates before every oral exam.

I truly adore this lied. The lyrics are once again taken from a poem, a poem of Gabriele von Baumberg, she apparently wrote it at a very young age (18 or so).

My heart melts at 00.34 omg, that soft “melancholie” and the silence that comes after 🥺… It’s truly one of those silences that make you agree with Mozart’s quote:

The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.

Then, it takes a cheerful turn (he just can’t refrain from putting happy sprinkles 🤭) until the strong chord at 00.49.

I think the section that starts at 01.00 is so worthy of being noted, I love love LOVE the suspense and tension that the piano accompaniment creates and that finishes with a strong build-up.

And the chord at 01.32… I leave my heart there. It just has me so soft. It’s so bittersweet, Mozart for some reason repeats the phrase “May smoulder long yet in my heart.” twice at the end and it’s just- 🥺

As always, he knows so well what word must be cited with what emotion, and chooses carefully his chords and functions. I just love it, and wanted to share since you had liked the previous lied 🤭

Rachmaninoff - Piano Concerto No. 2

*inhale* This one’s gonna be long, I can feel it.

I have literally SO MANY things to say about this one.

Rachmaninoff is a famous Russian composer that you might have heard of. He’s part of the Romantic Era which is, to simplify, about pouring your emotions and the turmoils in your life into your art and depicting feelings instead of trying to stick to certain rules and ‘holy’ virtues, of which we had already talked about a bit hehe.

And this piece… Oh my. You’ll see how different this concerto is compared to the Mozart ones we listened to previously. His second piano concerto corresponds to a depressive episode of his, due to his works not having a big success and being criticised so harshly. This beautiful piece is his comeback work, and you can just feel the inner conflicts, the emotional tornado he had at that period. With Mozart’s concertos, your soul is purified, they softly caress your insides and comfort you. But here, Rachmaninoff takes your emotions, and he proceeds to crush it. He plays with it, throws it, abuses it, you sob and sob and sob. At least I do 😭.

First movement

One can perfectly sense the dark pessimism in the first, silent, dangerous chord. As the 8 chords come one after another, every single one stronger than the previous, you’re on your toes and the tension increases until finally hearing the main theme through violins at 00.43. Listen to that theme very well. It’s so beautiful, so so moving, the piano section creates a fierce, dangerous background and I always get goosebumps when the violins come in.

Then, at 02.30, the second main theme is heard through the piano, pay attention to that! You will encounter it under various forms through the movement 🤭 It’s much softer compared to the first, ominous theme, it creates a beautiful contrast.

I want to note down the beautiful oboe-piano duet in 04.14 🥺. I adore oboes, it has a really beautiful and soft vibe, and here its melody is just so bittersweet when combined with the piano’s accompaniment. Then at 04.35, the piano starts playing a really soft phrase, the soft touch at that high note at 04.46, oh my God my heart. I have a feeling that you’ll adore that part 🥺 I want to note down literally every second omg

At 05.22, it turns once again really quiet and ominous, foreshadowing a big outburst through a build-up. The flutes play a big role in that aura through their short but dangerous phrases.

I especially adore the part at 06.17 in this pre-outburst section, it’s reminds me of a wave of emotions that keep hitting you and stepping back, only to strike even harder afterwards. The flutes in the background reinforce this vibe. The tension gets higher and higher at 06.36 (omg I’ll faint I love this part, I’m trembling while listening to it and trying to write this at the same time, I can’t keep up with my thoughts aaa) through the constant mutual escalation of both the piano and the orchestra. THE BEAUTY OF THE BUILD-UP PLEASE I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

And all this preparation was for the beautifully passionate part at 07.02. Rachmaninoff notes down “Alla Marcia”, meaning it should be played like a march, and its rhythmic features most certainly have that vibe. It’s just so majestic, so pompous, so raw, I love love LOVE it. It’s almost like you’re swooning in euphoria after having an emotional build-up and breakdown, it’s just- it’s something else that I can’t even describe. I just don’t have the right words for it.

I know that the piano’s melody is so alluring and enchanting there, but maybe in a second listen, I’ll want you to pay attention to the violin part during the march section 👀 Can you hear the very first theme that was introduced at the very beginning of the movement? Rachmaninoff was a total genius to put it in the background and make it fit so well. I always hesitate between paying attention to violins or piano, I end up rewinding it every single time 😖 It’s soo good.

After the euphoric section, the second theme comes again. A thing that’s worth noting down is the flute’s beautiful addition at 07.53, it’s in the background but it just makes my heart melt. I also always get goosebumps at the few ominous, sinister seconds that starts at 09.17 😳

Then it goes pretty quietly until the ending hehe, like a calmness after storm 😌 This piece is a total emotional rollercoaster, I swear. At 11.01, I love the playfulness of the piano section, it’s just so mischievous like a little naughty kitten. Then it picks up the pace, and ends with three strong beats.

Ugh. 🦋🦋🦋

Second movement

(meme credit goes to @/pianoomemes on Instagram)

This meme says it all. I don’t even need to add anything else. As you know by now, the second movements are meant to create a sharp contrast with the first one’s mood, and 🥺😭.

The main melody… It has my heart. The movement starts with a soft piano-flute introduction, and the ethereal main theme is heard at 12.56 through an oboe.

I don’t really any other commentary to do on this heavenly movement. Just let yourself in its embrace without any technical/guiding worries <3

(Though I feel obliged to add that the part that truly has me in this movement is 22.17 🥺. It’s just so moving and sweet ahh, it just takes you away, it almost has a sentiment of longing I feel, I always have a drop of tear forming in my eyes at that part.)

Third movement

The third movement is a usual, playful, jokester movement hehe. It’s a general pattern for final movements as you might have noticed, even though this one’s not written under a Rondo form. It’s rare that I say this, but I feel like this final movement is as charming as the second one for me 🤭 (No movement surpasses the first movement though, personally of course~)

The theme that starts at 25.51 through violins is so so charismatic, it almost always flusters me 😳✨.

Then he naughtily plays around with themes, modulations and instruments haha, I’ll leave the commentary at that and leave you once again alone with the movement itself 😌

(The majestic comeback of the charismatic theme at 34.09 though 😳! I’m *this* close to thirsting over a theme omg it’s MESMERISING I want to cry.)

Fauré - Cantique de Jean Racine, Op. 11

And finally, to fulfil your wish 💕, here’s a piece from Fauré where you can hear one of the most beautiful usages of harp in a work, in my opinion.

Even though it’s a religious work, its lyrics are in French. Fauré is a French composer from late 19th century, and even though he’s not that well-known among the media he’s a really unique composer that we can’t even classify in a certain movement. He’s from the same era as the French Impressionists such as Debussy or Ravel, but his style is much more different than theirs. He even has his own unique chord chain etc. that we use the term “fauréen” in harmony classes. But anyways, onto the piece 🤭

I really have no proper words to describe how heavenly, ethereal, poetic, incredible, awe-inspiring and soft this piece is. Like oh my God. I feel my heart melting into a puddle and tear up every time I listen to it. I just can’t bring myself to believe that he was only 19 when he composed this for a competition, if my memory doesn’t deceive me.

The beginning with the orchestra and harp is making a truly beautiful beginning, and the first moment that I want to talk about is 01.09, it always gives me goosebumps when the sopranos come in on the background that the basses and tenors had created.

At 02.00, there’s a soft oboe that comes in for a few seconds and only plays four notes, do you hear it? Those four notes can have my heart 🥺. It’s so beautiful omg. It’s crazy how the littlest touch could make such big of a difference. He could’ve easily not put it there, but he did and that’s what makes a good composer.

The “que tout l’enfer” at 02.24 is so fierce, so mad, “enfer” means “hell” and Fauré really accentuated its meaning, I love it.

And when the piece comes to the ending, at 04.14, a soft flute plays the beginning of the main theme for the first time I believe, which is a really enchanting change for the ear.

And the ending is just so, so soft like the whole piece, I truly can’t. The main melody is just so beautiful, and he truly did an impeccable job with mixing all the voices, the orchestra and the beautiful harp together. I just turn into a soft, soft bubble made out of cotton every time I listen to this.

~

Ahh this was a long ride, I truly hope you enjoyed the pieces, my beloved! I wasn’t sure which style or composers you would like the most, I guess we’ll try and see 😳❤️

Just for the sake of archiving them, I’ll also add the links of the beautiful pieces we discussed on Discord.

Fauré - Barcarolle no. 1 (Fauré brainrot is strong with me nowadays haha)

Mendelssohn - Etude no. 1 op. 104b (I feel like you’d love his A Midsummer Night’s Dream overture ngl, because Shakespeare 😳 I didn’t add it here though since it doesn’t contain piano or harp)

[toxicpineapple]

HI IM ANON THAT ASKED FOR HCS and i just wanted like hmm a general like hcs for the whole cast,, but i would gladly appreciate a ‘taro ramble too <33

okay, well, to begin with, i do have a post of drv3 character headcanons already, so you can go and check this post out for your outdated juice. i honestly made this post months ago though so a lot of the headcanons on there are. kind of wonky. i’m gonna go ahead and correct the ones that have changed real quick and then add on new ones.

- bi kaito and maki? LAME!!! kaito and maki are homoromantic asexuals and i don’t take constructive criticism. (bi kaito and maki headcanons are so valid i just prefer them as homosexual now LFKDSJFKJD anyway akamota rights)

- actually they’re all asexual? hehe. the love hotels aren’t real they can’t hurt me. i’m gonna list ace headcanons now

- shuichi: sex positive asexual

- kaede: sex indifferent asexual

- kaito: sex repulsed asexual

- maki: sex repulsed asexual

- miu: sex indifferent asexual (side note, if anyone comes at me for my ace miu headcanons i’m literally gonna commit a murder)

- kokichi: sex repulsed asexual (but good at repressing his sex repulsion)

- rantaro: sex repulsed asexual

- himiko: sex repulsed asexual

- tsumugi: sex repulsed asexual

- tenko: sex repulsed asexual

- angie: sex positive asexual

- kiyo: sex positive asexual (but experiences sex repulsion due to trauma)

- ryoma: sex repulsed asexual

- gonta: sex indifferent asexual

- kirumi: sex repulsed asexual

- kiibo: sex indifferent asexual

- um. i lost my train of thought. oh. okay. so i gave kokichi depression back when i made this post and i think that was a weird thing in particular to saddle him with. i don’t think kokichi is like, a-okay and all the time, but i think he tends more towards manic than depressive. which isn’t to say that he can’t be both, but there’s a vibe and kokichi doesn’t have it

- regardless i gave kaito depression. suffer bitchboy

- while we’re talking about kaito, HOO BOY, i am a kinnie. sorry about this, anon. kaito has asthma, which isn’t a kinnie thing, but he also plays the ukulele, which IS a kinnie thing. i mentioned that he can knit. that was true. he also bakes!!! and he has had a series of hyperfixations throughout his life in this order:

- disney movies (ongoing)

- pirates (elementary school)

- musical theatre (first year middle school)

- frogs (second year middle school)

- tennis (third year middle school)

- also kaito has a crush on ryoma! haha! did i mention i don’t take constructive criticism! anyway

- let’s talk about trans headcanons :)

- shuichi, kokichi, maki, kaede, himiko, and tenko are all binary trans no matter what work i’m writing them in. even if i don’t tag it and it doesn’t come up at all, assume they’re trans! because they are and i don’t take constructive criticism

- BIG fan of nb kiibo, rantaro, kiyo, angie, kirumi, and kaito. just, real big fan

- all trans headcanons are valid periodt!!! except transmasc tenko we don’t.... we don’t like that in this house. please take your transmasc tenko elsewhere

- while i do think that himiko’s master committing suicide was One Hell Of A Take on my part, i’m pretty sure he just left. he just ditched a child because she was better than him. that’s all. y’know that one oumeno fic where he dies and everything is nuanced? yeah. he was just, a shitty person, that’s all it was. i’m sorry himiko you deserved better

- ummmmmmm himiko autistic! himiko autistic. she cannot STAND the texture of denim or sweats, it is just. The Unhappy Texture

- delicately eyezooms. low empathy mugi? low empathy tsumugi? hewwo, low empa

- kokichii is very good with kids! just exceedingly good with children. it’s because he is one himself

- kaede has two dads :)

- himiko’s parents are divorced. she lives with a single mother. as one does from time to time

- rantaro, if he finds all his sisters, eventually settles down as either a teacher, a therapist, or a school counselor. so like the first two or a combination of them

- kaito knits under the bed. why does he do this? i don’t know. he doesn’t know. it’s a thing, just go with it.

- rantaro sees a lesbian and thinks, “hmmm. she could use an emotional support himbo” and then just does it. kaito does this too but he hyperfocuses on like. two or three lesbians at a time. rantaro spreads himself thin between the lesbians. amamota and lesbians guys get into it

- mwahahaha (pushes my amamota agenda onto you) they’re dating and in love!

- coffee headcanons :)

- shuichi: black. as black as his soul. which is to say very black. not because he’s emo he just likes the colour

- kaede: a bit of cream and sugar, nothing excessive. kaede stays up late on hyperfixation energy alone she doesn’t need no coffee

- kaito: a couple sugar cubes but no cream

- maki: ... a lot sweeter than she’ll admit

- rantaro: milk and sugar with a side of coffee

- gonta: gonta prefers tea! but he’ll take coffee when it’s offered, as gentlemen do. he likes it with a bit of cream, but no sugar

- kirumi: black.

- ryoma: black

- himiko: she prefers apple juice. himiko gets nauseous on coffee

- tenko: DOES NOT DRINK COFFEE!!! NO!!!! COFFEE IS AN ADDICTION IT’S BAD FOR YOU!!!!!!

- angie: angie doesn’t drink coffee either but when she does you have to fill the damn thing with mostly milk or she will be absolutely unbearable

- kokichi: you really wanna give this little adhd gremlin coffee? are you insane? (he’ll take it with an egregious amount of cream and sugar but he doesn’t mind it black)

- miu: black and like six or seven cups of it at a time

- tsumugi: a little bit of cream but no sugar!

- korekiyo: he really prefers tea but kiyo will take coffee either black or with a touch of cream

- kiibo: haha.... he’d like to know what coffee tastes like.......

- scent headcanons :))))

- shuichi: books, cinnamon, rose tea, coffee

- kaede: honeysuckle, morning dew

- kaito: axe body spray, banana bread, old spice

- maki: fresh snow, dry cleaners

- tsumugi: fabric stores, honey, lemons

- korekiyo: incense, perfume, old books

- kiibo: metal

- kokichi: linen, sugar

- rantaro: evergreen trees, fresh laundry, incense (finesses jim’s hcs)

- miu: coffee, machinery, rosemary shampoo

- kirumi: mild floral perfume, dark chocolate

- gonta: trees, camp fires, pine needles

- angie: paint, clay, daisies, salt water

- himiko: strawberries, clean laundry, hot chocolate

- tenko: cherry blossoms, tatami, maybe a little bit of sweat

- ryoma: mint, rubber

anon i probably have more but my spoon count just went down, i hope you appreciate this list, such as it is FLKSJDFKLSDJFj i’m!! really passionate about these guys. i’d also love to talk about rantaro’s specific relationship with each member of the v3 cast so like........ shoot me an ask if there’s interest i guess FLKDSJFLKDSJF

or if there’s interest in anything else!! i love answering these you guys are so sweet, tysm <3

[lemonadesoda]

Part 2 of the Hide and Seek meta

There’s a bunch I didn’t say in the first meta post because it would have been spoilers, but now the fic is done, so here you go, more random behind-the-scenes that no one asked for but you’re getting it anyway

every writer knows there’s at least one part of writing the story where you hate the story, and for this story, that was chapter 11, which very nearly got away from me. In the first go around, when MJ and Snatcher have their conversation, Snatcher had too explosive of a depressive breakdown and revealed too early that Hat Kid had died in one of the Death Wishes. MJ was pretty furious, considering how big of an asshole Snatcher had been to them like 2 days ago in chapter 9, it led to a big argument and I had to walk away for a few days and figure out whether I was taking the story in the right direction.

on that note, the second half of the story was easily twice as hard to write as the first, my increasingly busy schedule notwithstanding. In the first half, the characters are all pre-turning point, but after chapter 10, I had to work to keep them true to their personalities but this time With Character Development

certain events were planned from the beginning, while other things came up on the fly either as I wrote or in response to reader comments

for example: the lullaby was not in the original plan. A reader commented they wanted Snatcher to sing, and my brain didn’t let it go.

another example: while Snatcher’s anxiety attacks were planned, how it intertwined with his expended magic and lack of souls was spontaneous. I realized when writing his breakdown in ch 9 that as a ghost, his stress couldn’t express itself in almost any of the classic physical symptoms, so he ended up getting phantom pain, dissociative episodes, and extreme fatigue

the legal arguments in ch 17 were mostly planned, but the actual details of the argument, in terms of actual debate points, I came up with largely on the fly, and it is a lot of good fortune that everything worked out so well

part of why I wrote this story in the first place was because I wanted to explore the progression of character change especially in Snatcher, because in other fics I read, he either starts off nicer than I expect or stays meaner than I expect for way longer than I think Hat Kid really deserves to put up with. Moonjumper probably overtly changes the least, mostly because I needed one character who was neither a literal child nor an emotional basket case.

since a lot of people have commented that they like the characterization, I will attempt to elaborate on the methodology

o shit there are sub bullets hell yah

for each of the characters, there was always an underlying feeling that I kept in mind that would act as my compass for how I wrote them

it helps that they all have very strong pre-existing voices in my head, and I play all the dialogue through their vocal lines to make sure it sounds feasible

again, echoing the previous meta, Snatcher’s underlying waypoint feeling is shame. In the first half, he reacts with defensiveness or awkwardness and denial when confronted with that feeling. In the second half after his turning point, he acknowledges that his love for Hat Kid is stronger than the fear of vulnerability he has in expressing it and in fact he becomes kind of clingy and hovery toward her. Instead he channels his bad feelings into repression by hiding his struggles from her instead. It takes him a while to feel like he is allowed to be happy, but eventually love overcomes that too.

HK’s underlying feeling is loneliness. In the same turn, she both craves and distrusts affection. This is discussed in ch 5. Once she decides Snatcher has earned her trust, the loneliness translates into feelings of responsibility. Her choice to go after Vanessa in ch 13 was motivated by the fact that she felt like a burden because Snatcher was caught between her and protecting the forest and she assumed it was her job to go and fix it. It takes a lot of convincing for her to realize she doesn’t have to take charge of a situation, and ch 17 was a culmination of her arc in that she basically played no active role in saving her ship, and that was intentional. It was important for her arc to end in being saved by her parents in a situation where she felt helpless.

MJ’s underlying feeling is basically straight up just love. They’re motivated even early on by the fact that they care about HK and initially it fuels their frustration with Snatcher because they thought he was bound to hurt HK if he kept being such an ass and it allows them to stand up to him to some degree. Even after that though, they would frequently bow out initially to keep the peace, unless HK meddled to convince Snatcher to be nicer to them. However, they also fundamentally still cared about Snatcher too, and realizing he had an opportunity for happiness in front of him, was determined not to let him crush it. Eventually, their sense of love translated to their own existence, which they had always been kind of ambivalent about. MJ wasn’t sure how much ownership they had over their identity, but taking on a role as HK’s parent gave them a good enough sense of self that they were able to better embrace the idea of Themself as a concept. MJ was the hardest to write at all times because I needed to make sure they were getting enough chances to have their own struggles and anxieties as well as their own fulfillment. I put a lot of work into them, but if I were ever to revise this story, I would put even more work into them.

Of the 3 mains, I personally think MJ is actually the funniest. They have a very dry sense of humor.

I see everyone noticed the pet names, so yes, MJ prefers “my dear” and “little one” while Snatcher sticks with “kiddo” most of the time but will occasionally go for the one hit KO with “sweetie” when he’s feeling real mushy

the hardest part of writing ch 17 was balancing how I wanted to portray the Captain. While I very much didn’t want to give the sense that her caretakers were good people, I didn’t want to portray them as cruel evil monsters, to the point that they would have crushed any sense of joy HK could have. A lot of the backstory was excluded from the actual text, simply informing how I wrote her character, but basically her caretakers were largely just a combination of selfish, neglectful, and resentful of having to look after a child when they were more interested in their work. The Captain himself does recognize through the discussion that HK is genuinely really happy and well cared for on Earth, something he’s aware she could never be in his and the others’ care, and so that one bit in the end is a hint that he does genuinely acknowledge on some level that they were shitty caretakers, that he did fail her as a guardian and that she deserves better.

Okay that’s plenty long, so I’ll stop.

[wiltedeyesandtwistedlies]

What are the inattentive symptoms of ADHD?

Before I answer, it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone experiences ADHD the same way. I came up with this list through hours of extensive research, but I still explained each one based on how I experience them personally, because I wanted it to be an honest and accurate resource.

Now, I experience every inattentive symptom of ADHD severely. As well as most hyperactive type symptoms, but not nearly as severely. Hence why my explanations are on the severe side. So if you don’t experience every one of these, or you don’t experience them exactly like this, that doesn’t mean you don’t have ADHD.

Most Commonly Known Symptoms:

Inattentive ADHD is pretty much the same thing as hyperactive ADHD but with less hyperactive tendencies. So technically these symptoms apply to both, but ADHD has a few more that won’t be listed here.

• Inability to focus on disinteresting or unengaging tasks even if you need or even want to – As if your brain physically won’t let you. Because that’s exactly what’s happening. There is no, “Just do it because you have to.”

For real. Imagine a video came where you’ve reached the end of the map and there’s that invisible barrier to keep you from going any farther. But all the other players are passing it just fine. They look at you like you’re crazy and can’t believe that you can’t get through. But it’s literally IMPOSSIBLE.

Now apply that to easy individual movements or tasks like plugging in your charger right next to you or washing a few bowls.

• Focusing WAY too much on this single thing whether you like it or not. It’s called “hyperfixating” and it’s both the most exhilarating experience in the world and the most soul crushing. You can watch/do nothing else, consume nothing else, think of nothing else. It’s exciting and invigorating. But as soon as there is no more material/info about it to devour, existence is gray and meaningless. The adrenaline rush and laser focus are like nothing else, but the crash is just as intense.

• Inability to divert attention to something different when you're already focused on something else. (More of a product of the two above, really)

• Inability to organize or maintain a neat system. It’s not that we don’t have a system (because we do, and if it’s altered in the most miniscule way we will know and we will be furious) but that our systems tend to be more about ease of access. It looks messy, but everything is just easily reachable instead of tucked away in drawers or hidden in organizer bins.

“Out of sight, out of mind.” As soon as we can’t see it, or we get used to it and it becomes a background visual (like background noise but for your eyes), it no longer exists. Until we see it again we have never seen it before either.

• Emotions are forceful and kinda scary. Lacking the ability to regulate emotions means violently strong feelings. They can sweep you away and leave you stranded in an uncomfortable predicament. Major highs and lows as well as strong grudges and emotionally based actions.

• Distractability: There’s this stereotype that all people with ADHD are hyper airheads who cut off mid sentence to shout random shit like “SQUIRREL!” whenever they see something remotely interesting. They’re super excited about it and HAVE to let everyone know, no matter what they were doing before. It’s kind of the “cutesie” version that the media portrays a lot. Most ADHDers don’t actually fit this stereotype.

However, stereotypes are often based on true characteristics, even if they have been twisted into a sick joke or a cruel portrayal.

NOTE: There is nothing wrong with this form of ADHD. It just sucks that if you don’t match this stereotype, no one really believes you have ADHD. Also that so many people use it to insult and bully people with ADHD, even if that isn’t how they display their symptoms.

Lesser Known Symptoms:

Basically if these are #relateable, you probably have ADHD.

• Unable to conceptualize time in any way. Will this take two minutes? Three hours? No one knows! You thought this would take a half hour at most and it’s taken three! How?? This was a five-minute task and you’ve just realized you zoned out. It felt like two seconds but it was two hours!

• There is only Now and Not Now. Again, it’s a time thing. The future always seems so far away that it's almost like it doesn't exist. "Time is a construct" is something I often say because I have no sense of time passing, having past, or will pass. People describe me as "living in the present.” But that’s only because I forget that there is a future or that time is moving. I just don't think about it at all and when I try to it's impossible to understand and it feels made up.

• Sensitive to any form of rejection, actual or perceived. A friend texts you back, but they don’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as usual. You immediately tear your message apart to try to find what upset them and how you can make it up to them. Because surely that’s what that nontypical period means? You want to curl up in a hole and never come out, never face the horrible thing you’ve done to a treasured friend. Intense fear and sorrow mingle into all consuming guilt. The kind that makes you wish you’d never met them, just so they wouldn’t have to be hurt by you now. All because they added a period.

Everyone with some form of an anxiety disorder will recognize this. But it’s also a very common ADHD experience. This is in part because anxiety is SUPER likely to be comorbid with ADHD. But we also have Rejection Sensative Dysphoria. Which basically means we’re ridiculously sensitive to the slightest possibility of the barest chance that we maybe might receive a sliver of perceived ambiguous rejection. To the point where we cut off good relationships for seemingly no reason because we’re too afraid to even speak to them again, much less explain our emotions that we know are irrational but can’t help. The guilt and regret are too agonizing, the fear to face them too much.

• Reading is AWFUL. We’ve already established that attention is not your friend. Unfortunately, that makes it difficult to read blocks of boring text. The information could be good, it could be fun even. But if the format is too uniform and plain, it’s impossible to get past the first few sentences. You just keep rereading the same line over and over, realizing every time that you zoned out halfway across. It’s infuriating and very sad. It also makes studying an absolute nightmare.

Many people actually don’t have this experience. They hyperfocus on their reading or their schoolwork so it isn’t a problem. I was the same way until college and now I can’t even read a little recipe card without zoning out. But it’s a very common experience nevertheless so I listed it anyway.

• Ringing ears, hearing electricity. This is one I just heard about. I haven’t been able to actually research this one, but it’s interesting and every ADHDer I know has confirmed it so I’m adding it. ‘Cause I’ve had constant ringing since I was old enough to talk. And I’ve always been able to hear power lines, household appliances, wires inside the walls, all those varying vibrating hums and crackling pops. It’s one of the weird quirks that “run in the family.” Just like Tinnitus and all ADHD symptoms. Apparently, MANY people with ADHD have similar experiences.

• Negative stimming. Things that negatively stimulate your senses. After encountering a certain stim, you feel it physically. It causes a sensation that hurts, in a way. It shouldn’t, logically. But your body’s reaction is to pain. This includes foods you can’t eat because the texture is wrong. Clothing you can’t wear because you can easily breath but no you really can’t because the collar sits wrong against your throat. Sounds that make your spine stiffen or skin crawl. Bright lights or colors that don’t affect anyone else but make your head ache.

Stims and sensitivity can affect any and all senses. A certain smell, agitating fabrics, an unbelievably smooth stone, specific tastes and food textures, certain color combinations, particular sounds/pitches/volumes, et cetera.

• Positive stimming. The other side of the sensory coin. Things that are exceptionally pleasant to your senses/stimulate you positively. For example, the way light shines through a transparent bright blue gem. Watching the light catch and twist so fluidly when you move it takes your breath away. There’s a euphoric feeling to it, and you can’t look away. It’s too pleasing. It’s like a deep satisfaction you can physically feel throughout your whole body, emanating from deep within your chest. You never want to stop that feeling.

Personally, it feels like my chest is somehow much deeper than it actually is. And at the farthest, deepest part is where that satisfaction settles. Nothing else can ever reach that hidden, impossibly deep cavity. It’s so amazing, I never want it to stop. It can feel like that endless pit is starved, and the stim is the first sustenance it’s ever had so it never what’s to let it go.

• Forgetting supposedly unforgettable things. Like where the fuck I parked my car. Also what my car looks like. It’s blue right? It has a hatch. I accidently memorized the license plate (complicated story) but I can’t tell you what model it is?? Is it even in this parking lot? I’ve never parked anywhere else but my memory is obviously garbage so now I need to check every parking lot just in case.

End Note:

It’s important to know that ADHD has many symptoms that overlap with other nuerodivergencies such as autism or ASD. Executive dysfunction can be caused by a number of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Emotional regulation problems can look just like Bipolar disorder and vice versus.

My point is, every symptom could actually be something else. It’s really easy to be misdiagnosed because they all have such similar symptoms. I know someone who thought they had ADHD for years, but it was actually a mix of severe depression and anxiety that fucked with their working memory (as both depression and anxiety do). Someone else I know was diagnosed with manic depression and thought they might be bipolar, but it was undiagnosed ADD the whole time.

[adorabledonutunicorn]

New Eyes

CW: Some internalized homophobia

Warning: This is 15 pages on Google Docs so it’s long. This is a combination of poems I’ve written over the past year or so (if my timeline is correct) about realizing and processing through some of my past crushes. It took me til version 4 to shift my perspective and not be ashamed of how I felt about these people. It’s kind of depressing to think that it took me no less than 4 years to get rid of the shame surrounding my sexuality, and even still I have my days, but in this case it makes for a nice arc that comes to accept everything by the end. In case you’re interested here’s a brief background on each person. I’m gonna go off since it’s already the length of a chapter of a book lmao.

1. She is literally the reasons for all of this. She was someone who I’ve known since middle school because we were in the “accelerated math group” together. She was always popular, but something always struck me differently about her. During our sr year of high school I sent her a message on Facebook and we had a few conversations on there. We were the only girls in our math class by this time and tbh we had more conversations online than we ever did in-person...we even sat next to each other in class omfg.

2. This one is about a friend I met in college. She was pretty, full of joy, and has a nice smile so I’m a very simple person when it comes to being attracted to people lol. I forced myself to get over it quickly and I’m thankful we still talk sometimes despite never really hanging out outside of the Christian group we were in lol.

3. Damn, this one’s about the friend referenced in “To see her smile again”. She’s literally just too perfect and the day I realized I got butterflies when she walked into the room was the day I fully realized/accepted that okay there’s more to me than being straight. I still don’t know how or why she loved me so well.

4. This one is about a friend I met in college, literally on the first day I was there. We were both in the same orientation group and were both so awkward we somehow stuck around together all 4 years lmao. Idk if she’s just awkward around me only or everyone, but by the end I could feel some kind of unspoken tension between us, especially after we went to see a play for the theatre class we took that was about Stonewall lol. A part of me wanted to say something but another part of me thought that maybe she was in a different place in the same journey of discovering her sexuality. The funniest part is that on Valentine’s Day I think a year ago we DM’ed on Instagram for 5 hours str8 (gay).

5. Aah yes, just another one of my Twitter crushes. Jk the first Twitter crush oooh! It took me like a good 6 months to fully accept said crush and like another 6 months to fully get over it. Truly I wish her all the best and all the healing.

V1.0

Once upon a time, These eyes grazed the truth

They saw the surface They saw someone With so much purpose

A life with a heart Transcending barriers and A mind with the ability To achieve great things

A person so pure Hiding their true self within Yet solid and confident in Serving

It was this willingness Intelligence Freedom To get lost in music and dance Goodness Integrity That led me to believe You were one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen.

And this, Is the truth that these eyes Could see

Objectively, Honestly, Truthfully, As transparently as Any teacher Any observer Any friend Knew you to be.

Yet still, My mind seems To have forsaken me.

What I know now Is what I failed to admit then What I replay in my head Is what I am slowly learning To accept within

It brings me shame To let these emotions Finally come in

And it brings me pain, Because that's not how I want to remember How and why This was perhaps, the "best" end.

I want to remember The objective observations The person we all saw, Not just me

I want to remember Rightfully, The words you said to me

I want to remember How I tried to look inside you So deeply

And how you gracefully Eloquently Opened up to me.

All I hope Is that these memories mean At least half of what they do to you As they do to me.

Even if I Can now look in this mirror And see, Say these words to myself Breathe And let them be,

I will never forget What you meant To everyone You met.

But because I tried To look so deep Because I tried To love you as you were, As you are I ended up finding something Only these eyes now Could see.

I cannot say That I fell in love With a fantasy

Because love Is so vast and deep

But there was A new feeling inside of me An emotion I would hide Because I never wanted it to be Outside For anyone To see.

I look back at these moments That replay inside my mind From every bathroom anxious tear I cried Unknowingly Became the catalyst For this "why"

Why was I so anxious And afraid? But that won't explain Why did I even feel The way that I did?

I didn't want to I pushed it down So easily It took me almost 5 years To finally accept This story That lingered inside of me.

Once I see A heart, soul, human life To love, I jump in wholeheartedly

Because I guess That is just who I am, Who I was made to be.

But I didn't expect That I'd be here Confronting these Treacherous conflicting feelings That to the casual observer Make it seem like It was all for me, Self-motivated Self-intentioned Just to set my eyes on something I could not define At the time.

If not me If I can't believe it, I hope you know Remember And see That regardless of what I felt The words we never said Still give you more Than a thousand reasons To keep on breathing And to keep on being The beautiful person We all knew You'd grow to be.

V2.0

Imagine What this heart can do Imagine What this heart can feel What these eyes Can see inside Before the mind Redraws the lines.

Imagine God's truth Willfully entering the soul Revealing more

Than I could ever know But all that I feel Is beyond words.

Imagine That what is beyond words Is not beyond shame

In fact, Shame has now met these emotions And tainted this love, The love the Lord has given To this heart of mine

This love that was pure Of good intention Is now questioned, Because of the reality, My reality, The way my mind sees

I can only perceive What these eyes gaze upon And the brain processes, filters, Through its many recognized colors

I cannot see What was not meant for me And what is Beyond me.

With these eyes, Imperfect and perhaps blind, They let me look upon a face Labeling it within me as shame Instead of grace

I used to be able to see, What I thought so innocently, Now a darkened fiend Of what was made A friend

What has now surfaced Became lies What has harbored Is judgment Internally, And nocturnal I have become

This is merely Not what I wanted to see But rather A predator where it meets its prey Onlooking the target Ready to strip Its life away

But here, This life is dignity Of the soul across the room Once the prime and primitive Instincts and defense mechanisms activate, There is no more reason, No way That words will ever be able To explain.

This Feels lost Feels lonely Like no one but me Will understand clearly That I love Deeply Wholly I dare say beautifully Whether or not these feelings Are just my feelings Or beyond Only my reality.

Because reality Is subjective Different between both you and me But somehow still We may find common ground Where the images our minds outline Overlap and see the same

It is here, where more than I Can finally understand. It is here, Where words are no longer the enemy But the potion and antidote To this shame

For this shame Has met humility Vulnerability The courage To be me

Even if The whole world will never know I know the whole world Will never understand, I still stand With my heart tall Convicted with truth Rooted in the Lord's Truth That you are so beyond and Better than beautiful It fills me With awe.

V3.0

These new eyes that have seen Change unfolding Have also seen Love unraveling.

From all the sweetness And fondness Of pure untarnished memories, To what I don't know if I know How to see,

This is me Raw and untouched Naked and ashamed To have loved The friend who was Never meant For me.

Blessed was I To have found one So faithful and kind For once not out of reach But yet still Out of my league With all the riches Of intelligence to joy And of course A smile that was not For the faint of heart to see

I have loved before, For it was here I found love In the purest form First, foremost, Of friendship

It was here Where every good thing That resonated inside me Grew tenfold With this unknown blessing That I had fathomed to know Beyond blessings ever received.

Yet, Little did I know, It took courage To love this way. Selfless Never ill-intentioned I tried to be Until the end.

It was generously That she gave me And so kindly Yet humbly I tried to give back Never feeling like What I gave was enough, As she so gracefully Accepted everything Speaking to me without words It was more than enough.

There is not a single soul That I have met Who could ever be Her Anything like her, Who could also be Or will likely ever be My friend.

It was on the days We left, Where our presences departed Where I had no regrets

But it was then When I realized The sadness and grief Was yet the loss Of love, Including the Lord's Love.

It was she, Who lamentably taught me How butterflies felt Inside me All the way To fear and shame Of this very discovery

As well as The best hugs Any person may probably ever give me.

There is no one like her, And there is no one better for her Than her husband, And this I know, It is he who I know To be faithful, kind, Courageous, righteous, Steadfast and Unconditionally loving

But somehow, I ask the Holy Spirit Did you bring her Here To teach me About love, faithfulness, and joy? Did you bring her Here To show me light in the world Once more? Did you bring her here To have a friend for once, To give me courage to speak, To love a friend deeply? And did you bring her here So that I could love so deeply That I found this part of me?

I can still say To this day That I have No regrets About anything I Have written or said To this friend, The greatest gift, A catalyst For this journey, And the one who gives The best hugs With the sweetest smiles I’ll ever be blessed to receive.

V4.0

Once where A new era began, A seed was planted In the mere probability of our existence

We did not find each other We stumbled upon one another In a way where awkwardness Was the main contributor To our similarities

Yet you stayed And I of course, stayed Somehow we relished In a relieving familiarity

Perhaps, It brought us together For that reason.

But what we had And what we have Has grown from a seed,

Watered, waiting We are here Where I never thought we would be: Friends now far away, Yet still able to relate

But even then What does it mean? It may not mean much of anything.

For a fleeting feeling Lines the nerves of my being Extremities tense While the rest of me at peace

For this is the only awkwardness We have known to overcome, Time and time again, —I never know Where your thoughts go

There is so much to be learned So much we will never know But in each other, We have still grown.

Maybe this is the best feeling I would never have known If I were not able To express it freely

Maybe one day Our lives not our hearts Will collide Telling the same story Of who we were always meant to be.

V5.0

To Jade, A jewel of always Every color but green,

Your story is a wonderful epic, Tales of travels That never grow old

They write an unapologetic narrative Of every highest mountain top And every lowest valley

You have climbed as high Just as much as you Have fallen down and cried

And I, I so wished to see and to learn Of every broken piece to your life That you thought you needed to earn

But I, Even with good intentions Fell into a hole I could not climb

I embraced every part At the expense of my joy Only adding To my despair

But you taught me What strength and courage Could be

To say it is easy To wake up every day Without the one Who loved you most Is irreparable As much as he was irreplaceable

To say the scars it leaves behind Are mere wounds of the flesh to be tended to Would simply be a lie

But still I Fell in love with What it could look like To see you wake up every morning And choose life

For there is nothing more brave As the story you write And continue to write.

I still stand by And wish to look upon your life To see how far you've come

But at least I've passed beyond The emotions I feared would last forever

Back then I was confused Back then I was still learning And I thank you for helping me Find who I am

Even if I can never say I fell as deep for love's sake, If I ever find you Stumble upon Or see you I will find the reddest rose And gift it to you

For the honor and memory of your brother And for the honor and memory of you Because sometimes words Will never be enough To describe what will always Be blooming in you (And how you've allowed me To blossom too).

Conclusion / V1.5

Without what happened that night These essays would never have turned to poems

Without the words we never said I wouldn’t have these reasons why I write

You are still as beautiful as the day I met you And the day I left you when I accepted You will remain a memory, not a friend meant for forever Or even for a second

But still, I do not hesitate To smile and be embarrassed Knowing now all That I did not know then That brings clarity, closure, and an end.

I never loved you But I definitely liked you Enough to zone in on Every beat of your heart

Enough to make you see Who you were always made to be And how worthy you are To be you, To be everything you are.

And so here I remain, Content and at peace Knowing I am allowed To never-more be ashamed.

[schmope-is-dead]

ohoho you thought i was dead

6/27/53 - Digory and Steven had gone on a walk, Tom had decided not to go with them. Digory tried to admit his crush on Steven, but found his crush was possessed, and about to be sacrificed to the cult known as The Unknowns. Digory took his place, sort of dying. 

6/30/53 - Steven was found by Tom 

7/5/53 - The day Tom went looking for Digory, but instead found a knife in his own stomach, placed there by one of the members of the cult known as "Memento Mori." They left him there however, as they had heard footsteps. The footsteps were a distressed Steven, looking for his friends. Steven died, he literally just tripped on a rock and died. Their bodies were soon found later that night. 

7/7/53 - Tom's body was stolen by the cult "Memento Mori", of which Tom's mother, Mary, was wrongly accused of doing and put in custody. Tom later woke up in the hive, finding he had been abandoned by the cult there. He had been sacrificed wrong, and was resurrected and had his soul claimed by the voices instead of becoming a sacrifice. He found a bunch of notebooks in the pockets of other bodies in the hive, using them to make his first entry, which was later found by the reporters. 

7/12/53 - The local newspaper got a hold of the story. They wrongly assumed Tom had committed suicide, based on the stabs to the abdomen. Tom corrupted for the first time, leaving his body to be marked by Memento Mori with several sigils carved into him, which was later found by reporters. Tom's mother was brought out of custody from this development. 

7/13/53 - The article got temporarily moved to the front page, as many readers loved the story. The reporters finally got the okay from the police to show Tom’s diary entry. Digory's body had been moving quite a bit. Digory had little to no control of his body at times, as The Unknowns had gained control.

7/14/53 - The article was brought back to its original page, as parents complained about kids seeing its content. The article didn't have too much, just reporting on what it was able to say.

7/17/53 - Steven's funeral. Later that night, Digory's body went missing. His corpse was found laying by Steven's grave, though locals said he had earlier been sitting at the edge with his eyes glowing. Though the sitting part was true, the glowing eyes part wasn't. Tom found one of the papers and sent a letter to the paper, stating that they should stop immediately, as Tom thought it was inhumane to take pictures of corpses and use them for simple entertainment. He also made a few entries of why he thought the reporters should stop, some never found. 

7/19/53 - Tom's funeral. Tom watched this from the forest, he gave up hope of being found. He made a few entries. He also started growing his first set of horns, which came with fairly painful headaches. He thought he was dying and made a goodbye entry, which he later made a follow up one saying "The world hasn't seen the last of Thomas Jones, I can promise you that." 

7/20/53 - The article has a sponsor, as the police are starting to monitor what they show, and need some support to still be able to run. Tom burnt down the morgue, taking Digory's body with him. He thought Digory was still alive, and he had hope of everything being normal again. Unfortunately, that led to Digory's body finally dying from smoke inhalation, leaving The Unknowns unable to use it. He woke up in the middle of the night, he felt like he had to go to the hive. He found Digory, dead, and burns on the both of them. Tom assumed this meant he had murdered him and didn't remember, leaving him distraught. He didn't remember committing arson. Tom sent a letter to Digory's family, he was going to send something meaningful, but he could only find himself writing the simple phrase, "Diggy could've lived."

7/21/53 - Tom stole some bandages from the local corner store for his burns, nothing much.

 7/23/53 - The reporters turned to radio, as the police were monitoring what they put in the newspaper. They found some of Tom's entries. The reporters were starting to be less down to earth and think of supernatural possibilities of Tom being alive. Tom found a rat, he thought he should keep it, since Digory always liked rats. Of course, the rat was Digory, but Tom didn't know that. Memento Mori found Tom, they thought they should try to befriend him, as they had seen corrupt Tom, and thought they should take responsibility for what they had done. Tom has started leaving his entries in places hard for the reporters to find them, as he quite despised them. 

7/25/53 - The news station could only evade the police for so long. This was their last story on the situation, as their audience had been losing interest. Tom was now part of Memento Mori, and he had accepted that as his life from now on. 

1985-1989 - Tom tried to rejoin society, with the help of a girl named Roxy. He got a job at a diner, it was nice to be normal for a bit. He went under the alias "Timothy Johnson". He learned how to act like he was from this time, and soon adjusted. With Roxy’s unfortunate death, Tom was so distraught that he resigned from his “normal” life.

2005 -   The system starts breaking because Madison is now busy with her children and can't get too many sacrifices, leaving Tom to take care of the sacrifices for her and help the younger members get their sacrifices. This angers the voices, they used to get far more sacrifices. So, they decided to do something about it. They have a member of themselves who's still separate enough to possess someone on their own. The member is Steven, and he possesses Damien. At this point, Steven is aware that he's been tasked with possibly hurting Tom, but since he's only so separate from the voices, when he's not part of them, he starts almost combining with Damien, and grows hatred for Tom. Steven brings Damien back to the Conglour (the Memento Mori house) and pretends everything is normal. Of course, everyone is suspicious, but Steven is just close enough to acting like Damien that people only talk about them between themselves, and don't confront Damien. Madison, being Damien's wife, *was* able to tell however. Steven had been reporting back to the voices every night, how everything was going, how Memento Mori was just weak enough that the voices might be able to escape the hive safely. The only person in the way was Madison. Steven was tasked with murdering her, Damien pleaded with him not to hurt her. Steven ignored Damien's pleads, this was his job, even if it was to murder an innocent girl. Steven took Madison out for a walk into the forest, he brought her to the river. He drowned her. Now, Steven had only been tasked with keeping Tom at bay, to keep him from getting into trouble. After all, he was the voice's lab rat, he was special. But, with Steven's hatred for Tom, he took it too far. He took Tom to the hive and explained himself. Sure, it was a bit of a cartoon villain thing to do, but Steven wanted Tom to know exactly who was killing him. During this, Damien had been trying to separate himself from Steven, and had just enough control to stab himself in the chest. His last words were him telling Tom to tell his children he loved them.

2020 -  There were reports of people going missing in the forest. When they were found, their bodies would be mangled in horrible ways, or unconscious. Tom was now the primary caretaker of Ava and David, though he would also help take care of the other kids. Tom was wary of the missing people cases, were the people he cared about in danger? Tom investigated, all of the missing people cases lead to the same clearing in the forest. Tom got possessed. It was a strange kind of peaceful for a moment, it was Digory, he was able to see his best friend again. Digory was.. Confused. The other looked familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He looked over the boy for a few seconds more. Green eyes, a bit more bright than he remembered, but still.. Freckles.. Red hair.. That same smile.. Digory knew who this person was supposed to be, it was his old friend Tom, but they seemed so different. His friend always wore the same sweater, his friend’s hair was always neatly brushed, his friend would always wear brown slacks, Digory didn’t know this person. It must’ve been a weird thing to see a person talking with themselves as if they were two people in the same body, so you must understand when Ava snuck out of the Conglour to find Tom, she was very confused. After that, Digory let go of possessing Tom and instead possessed a rat. Tom brought Ava and Digory back to the Conglour. About a week later, Tom got the idea to bring Digory to the hive to get him his own body so that he wouldn’t have to possess a rat. The voices hate the unknowns, including Digory, so Digory’s body has scars on him and burn marks on his back. The scars were just to remind Digory what they thought of him, but the burn marks were to punish Tom for being friends with one of the unknowns, to remind him what led to all of this.

2021 - Just a break from all the depressing shit, just Tom and Digory being gay

and more to come, please kill me i have severe brainrot

[thefledglingdm]

12. Things you said when you thought I was asleep. and I have one thoughts. Leopika

aaaaaAAAAAA thank you for this ask!! it is definitely too long because of who i am as a person. i will likely cross-post this to ao3 as well. please enjoy!!

There were some immutable facts about the universe.

The inevitability of death and taxes was one. That whatever you were looking for was going to be in the literal last place you thought to search for it was a second. The great quid pro quo of something for something, be it time or money or knowledge, that kept the world going ‘round, was a third.

A fourth was the miserable, depressing, exhausting, blood-sucking, soul-crushing, existence-defining realities of medical school.

It would have been hard enough in the best of circumstances, Leorio figured. Because between classes, labs, practicums, homework, exams, and the endless marathon of studying for more, Leorio had to be a hunter. Had to take on jobs and learn nen and accidentally adopt two hellion teens and participate in stupid things like chairman elections. And then that led to the verifiable hell-in-a-handbasket that was almost being elected chairman for punching one adopted son’s dad on national television.

(It was probably the highlight of Leorio’s short, far-too-exciting life thus far, if he was honest. The way Ging had stared like a fool into the small vortex on the table, like Luke looking down the business end of a lightsaber, the satisfying crunch of his nose under Leorio’s fist, the way the man went flying –

Good times, truly.)

Except then that opened the Pandora’s Box of the aforementioned chairman elections. Which then led to the Zodiacs. The Black Whale expedition to the Dark Continent. The chance of a lifetime, to study and practice under the Dr. Cheadle Yorkshire.

Kurapika was back.

But that was all too much to take in, especially considering Leorio was running on six hours of sleep over the past two days. There was just so much to do – assemble supplies, arrange their resources across the ship, assist in the mindgames relating to the minefield that was Beyond Netero and the Kakin Empire, help create and administer a new Hunter Exam, finish his assignments, take three exams early, pack his bags, find someone to sublet his apartment –

Twenty minutes, Leorio thought as he collapsed down on the couch in the Zodiac’s break room. The place had such luxuries as a fancy coffee maker and a regular pot, a vending machine that served real food, and a couch made of buttery leather and cushions so soft Leorio felt like he was melting into the frame when he lay down. He was too tired to even grab at the throw blanket slung over the back of the couch. It was long enough he could kick up the three miles of stick legs he had going on. He grabbed the sleep mask he’d picked up from the dollar store that had saved his life more than Killua, Gon, Kurapika, and his own nen combined and slapped it over his eyes.

He was out in five breaths.

Some time later, however – Leorio was unsure how long he’d been out – he was awoken by the sound of the door opening and lights flicking on. His mask kept the worst of the burst of light at bay, fortunately. He had half a mind to ask whoever the hell else was up at three o’clock in the morning to kindly fuck off, please, but the familiar scent of mint and the even-more-familiar voice made him freeze.

“I do not care what Miss Neon thinks,” Kurapika was hissing into the phone. “I am telling you that the Black Whale is going to be an overcrowded security nightmare, not a pleasure cruise. I truly do not think we could even procure a ticket for her, and no, Basho, I am not going to try. I have my hands plenty full enough with trying to keep the Association from infiltration by outside influences.” There was a long pause. “Yes, that would be best. Thank you, Basho. I apologize for my tone. I will see you at the next meeting.” Another pause. “Yes, you should sleep. Good-night.”

A faint beep of the call ending. Leorio wondered if he was really awake or if he was just dreaming that he was the closest he had been to Kurapika in over a year. He wondered if he should reveal he was awake.

“Oh,” Kurapika said, and Leorio knew that was the first time Kurapika had even noticed he was there. The single word was surprise and confusion and borderline disappointment all at once. “Leorio?”

Light footsteps, like Kurapika was stepping closer to him. A beat.

“Still sleeping with your mouth open, I see. And you did not even notice me… it’s a wonder you’ve lived this long.”

It took every ounce of Leorio’s not-admirable self-control not to snap his mouth shut or bolt up and say that Kurapika had absolutely no legs to stand on when it came to handling the miracle of life after age eighteen. But then Kurapika huffed out a sound best described as the distant cousin of, or the echo of an echo of, a laugh.

It was exhausted. Heartbreaking. Fond. And the most Kurapika had sounded like himself since the Hunter Exam.

“Fool man.”

More footsteps and shuffling. Leorio heard the sounds of cabinets opening and closing softly as Kurapika did his best not to wake him. There was the sound of rustling plastic, of water running, of the coffee pot being put on to percolate.

More rustling. Leorio could picture Kurapika walking back to his spot eyeing Leorio’s prone body. Maybe he was thinking about putting him out of his misery. Maybe he was folding his arms, a droll smile on his lips Leorio hadn’t seen since Yorknew. Maybe he was leaning against the break room table or sitting on top of it.

“You probably think I hate you,” Kurapika mused. “Some days, I think I do, too.”

Okay, so Leorio was definitely not dreaming. The little prick. Took the chance to say whatever he needed to get off his chest the second he thought Leorio was in a position to not respond. Fine. Whatever. Leorio could play at that. And when Kurapika finished whatever the hell his little monologue was, Leorio would pop up and deck him and yell at him for being a self-isolating, melodramatic jackass.

“Except I don’t,” Kurapika said, and Leorio’s brain came to a screeching halt. “I don’t think I could if I tried. And I know because I did try. And we know how well that turned out.”

The Hunter Exam. The boat. The tower. The island. They tried to hate each other and wound up staunch allies and friends anyway. Leorio had thought that Kurapika had dropped them all for the sake of his revenge, vanishing into the criminal underworld the second he had his Hunter license in hand. Little as the act seemed to coincide with what he’d gleamed of Kurapika’s character. But if he wanted to be a lone wolf about the whole thing, fine. Leorio could pick his battles. Allegedly.

“I tried to reach out once,” Kurapika said. “I knew I needed help, that I wasn’t strong enough to take on the Phantom Troupe alone. But when I did…you know what happened.”

Leorio did know. The disaster that was everything about the Yorknew auction. Neon had her nen stolen. Gon and Killua were kidnapped. Hisoka was there.

All things that were not Kurapika’s fault, that he blamed himself for anyway.

“If anything had happened to Gon or Killua, or to you…” Kurapika trailed off. “It was too risky. I could give everything I had to my quest, but I could not drag you all down with me. I didn’t want any of you hurt, but you were anyway. I needed to be stronger on my own, so I became stronger.”

Leorio tallied that one to the list of ominous, dramatic things Kurapika has said that will be a headache later.

“I thought if I pulled away, you all would let me be. Killua and Gon did. I thought they were off traveling the world on their adventures, blissfully unaware of the husk of myself I was becoming. As I anticipated, their calls and emails tapered off eventually.”

Leorio heard Kurapika swallow. His voice was thicker when he went on. “But yours never did. You call often. Even when I don’t pick up. Even when I read your texts and I don’t answer, you keep reaching out. I wish I knew why. I wish I didn’t. Because I wonder to myself how someone like me could earn the affection and friendship of someone like you.”

Kurapika laughed humorlessly. “In my world, affection is weakness if you haven’t the strength to back it up. I don’t have that strength. I only have the will to stay away, because that’s the best way to protect you all. So I hole myself up with the eyes of my family and tell myself I will deal with the rest when my quest is over. Even if I have nothing planned after that. Even if I plan for nothing after that.”

Leorio picked up on Kurapika’s meaning, and something like an anvil dropped into his stomach. The emotion in Kurapika’s voice was palpable, raw and real in the way that only solitude at 3am and exhaustion and the confessional could inspire.

“And then there was Mizai,” Kurapika said softly. “Walking into my office. Telling me he knew how to find the last of the eyes. And it’s because of you.

“Every time I think I’ve hit a wall, I find you, and you smash through everything. Utterly graceless, utterly foolish, utterly clueless. Utterly perfect in your timing and delivery. I thought I had nothing to look forward to or turn to. And then there you were. How presumptive of me to think you might still be there for me, after all is said and done.”

The coffee maker beeped, announcing its job was complete. The room smelled of rich, expensive dark roast, the kind Leorio would have killed for back at school. Kurapika shuffled, like he was rising to his feet again.

“I wish things had been different,” Kurapika whispered. “I wish I had met you a less broken man. I wish my eyes changing when you call was a simple fact of my life and not a catastrophe. I wish our paths crossing was something more than a brief intersection of our lives, me on my downward swing and you on a forever upward trajectory.

“Anything you do, Leorio, you are amazing. You will be amazing. As a chairman or a doctor or both, you will be loved and respected. I know you can’t hear me, but just know…” Kurapika swallowed.

Kurapika shuffled, stepping towards Leorio’s slack-limbed form on the couch. Leorio sensed him reaching for something, and a moment later, the downy softness of the throw blanket was settled over his torso with the tenderness of a lover.

Kurapika’s fingers, light and cold, brushed at Leorio’s hairline. “Whatever you do, wherever you go, you will shine. I want you to know that you deserve it. I want you to know I’ll be watching from the shadows, immeasurably, unspeakably proud.”

With that he retreated, leaving that cloud of subtle mint behind. Leorio heard him sniffle softly as he poured himself a cup of coffee and prepared it however he liked. A splash of creamer and a single sugar packet, if Leorio’s memory was accurate.

The door shut quietly behind him. Leorio waited a few breaths to be sure he was alone, and then he tugged off his eye mask. He stared sightlessly up at the dark ceiling, his eyes, face, and neck damp.

[imacrowcawcaw]

@oblvions @shes-outta-sight @lazingonsunday @karrotkate @satans-helper thank you all for the tags 💗💕

A buttload of info about me:

Last thing I read: "Lovers" by @satans-helper 😍😍😍

Favorite Book: The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle

Favorite Movie: Beetlegeuse

Dream Date: Imagine this: a nice, plush couch, covered in down pillows and fluffy blankets. There is a fire in the brick fireplace, the wood smoke combines with the scent of Nag Champa incense and the homemade treats that cover the low table next to the couch. There are brownies, bread rolls, cheeses, bowls of fruit, dipping sauces, cakes, sandwiches - a whole feast of my favorite foods. My partner and I would cuddle up on that couch, listening to my favorite symphonies on the record player in the corner and talking for hours. This isn't really a first date thing, more like an established relationshil date, but god I'd love to just spend an afternoon surrounded with my favorite things and my favorite person.

Do I have a crush?: Not really. There are people I find very very attractive (a friend, Sam Kiszka, Duff Mckagan in his 20s, Lucy Lui) but nobody that I'm actually romantically and sexually into.

Hobbies: Swimming, observing nature, browsing Pinterest, daydreaming, writing, reading, making art, singing, listening to music, love to cook

My favorite time of day: late afternoon, right before the sun sets. I'm usually free to do what I like, the temperature starts to drop, I can watch the sun... it's nice

If I could choose what I looked like, anything, what would it be?: I want tattoos, and more piercings, I'd love to change my hair color again - it's been natural for awhile but I think I want either burgundy or bright blue. WINGS! I kind of want giant, strong fairy wings, and maybe glowing eyes, a forked tongue, and tattoos that move and change (kinda like Maui lol)

Am I romantic?: Yeah, I'd say I am. I love to treat people, friends and significant others, but I'd be especially affectionate and romantic for a partner. I'm constantly buying gifts and things that remind me of them, cooking for them, planning dates and buying tickets for things I know they like, quietly taking care of stuff I know they need to do, cuddling, complimenting... I love to shower my partner in affection 24/7

My favorite kind of weather: Late Autumn, generally. About 55ºF, cloudy but not raining, windy

What do I like to talk about?: Lol I talk a whole lot and I've probably talked about everything at some point. One of my close friends and I particularly love to debate religion, mythology, magic, history, and the intersections of those. We also regularly plan heists and crimes lmao

My turn-ons: Long eyelashes, pouty lips, dirty hands (motor oil, paint, flour, etc), sarcasm, seeing someone get excited about something, compassion, casual physical affection

My turn-offs: Nastiness without a reason, knees (I just think knees look weird idk), Trump supporters, 100% pessimism (I understand being depressed or doubtful or being generally a pessimist, but if you adamantly refuse to see anything in a good light and try to ruin it for others f u c k y o u)

If I got a tattoo, what would it be and where?: ohhh I want tattoos so bad but I'm saving up and I'm not certain about some yet.... but I know that I'm getting a tree of life matching with my mom, I want mushrooms, pine trees, lavender, wildflowers (all for personal reasons). I'd also like to make maybe a charm bracelet of sorts with little charms for my favorite bands, books, movies, and other peices of media. I know that interests change and I might not like something in 30 years, but I see my life in periods of interests and I want to catalogue the things that shaped me

My pets: I have 3 cats - Pumpkin Pie, Lady, and Sweetheart

My dream job: I just want to live a free life doing what I want. I want to grow my own food for the most part, and raise animals, and paint, and write, and play music, and go on random adventures, go antiquing, decorate my home from my travels, learn without expectations - I don't want to exchange a fulfilling life for financial security from some mundane modern job.

My dream place to live: Secluded, in the forests of Oregon (or maybe Pennsylvania idk) on the bottom third of a mountain, on my own little farm

My dream vacation: I just wanna go explore historical landmarks and buildings

My dream house: A beautiful historical house -- like an 1870s American farmhouse, or a craftsman cottage, or a Victorian painted Lady, or maybe a New York brownstone -- filled with antiques and records and books and artifacts that I've collected. I LOVE antiques so much, everything would be of fine craftsmanship, it would be lavish and inviting and packed with interesting items at every turn (I want my house to be a curios shop lol) I also want a big ass kitchen and nice woodwork, I literally get horny over original built ins

My piercings: Sadly, I only have my standard ear piercings right now, but I think I'll get more soon. A nose ring, eye brow bar (yes I know that's so 2000s but I like them), probably 4 more on each ear, navel, nipples

If I had kids, what would I name them?: I love older, interesting names, so - Euphemia, Hartford, Monroe, Malory, Louise (me lol), August, Fredrick

My worst traits: I'm incredibly stubborn; I love talking to people but I'm awkward; lazy and don't care; I'm a bit of a collector/hoarder; I bottle up any anger or sadness I feel so I don't inconvenience others

My best traits: I love to give and help; I try to make people comfortable around me/in my home; I have excellent taste; I appreciate quality, culture, and creativity; I have many interesting interests that I'm eager to share and learn more about; I'm very creative

My worst fear: a painful death - I'm not afraid of dying, even though I'd rather not, I just don't want it to hurt

What do I want to eat right now?: Well, considering that I just ate my first bit of solid food in 3 days and immediately had to run to the bathroom... nothing

My favorite vacation memory: *blushes* my first kiss AND nearly my first time (we went like halfway): making out with this dude, son of my mom's friend, at my family cabin

My favorite city: I really don't know. Timber, OR, let's say

My favorite social media platform: Tumblr or Pinterest (does that count?)

My favorite article of clothing: My leather motorcycle jacket. I can't actually ride a motorcycle (trying to remedy that because *sexy*) but I got it a few years ago and it makes me feel so fucking badass. It's heavy, about 15 pounds of good quality leather, has lots of secret pockets in the lining and some cool looking zippers and studs, but nothing crazy. It's hella warm and comfy, I wear it everyday it's cold enough to

Do I play any sports?: pfft no. I like to swim, and I'm interested in baseball and tennis, but I suck at them and also I just don't like team sports

My favorite meal: What I order when I go to Buffalo Bills - a pesto/feta/mozzarella/Italian sausage/basil/tomato/garlic pizza, with homemade potato chips and chunky blue cheese dressing for dipping. If I had room, I'd finish with Marionberry cheesecake pie from Sherri's (but I am incredibly sick and have no faith in getting better enough so I feel like I'll never be able to eat like this again)

What am I excited for?: The winter holidays! I'm atheist, so Christmas is all about the personal stuff and non religious family traditions for me. I love the decorations, the music, seeing my family, baking, giving and receiving presents, it's all just so fun

What am I not excited for?: Cleaning my room, it really really needs it though. Also just continuing to live like this. I'm not suicidal, I'm just in a lot of pain constantly and I don't know what to do

When was the last time I cried?: an hour or so ago, I'm in loads of pain right now

What is something I hate about the world?: There's too much to choose from

What is something I love about the world?: children and nature

My favorite scents: vanilla, lavender, pine, Nag Champa incense, BBQ meat, pizza with basil, rosemary, my Dad's cologne

Cats or dogs?: kitties 💗

What kind of sleeper am I?: A weird one lol. I can't lay on my stomach for more than 15 minutes without it making me incredibly nauseous for the rest of the day, but it's also my favorite way to sleep cause its comfy somehow... I can't lay on my back without a pillow either, 30 seconds in and the nerves pinch so bad I'm screaming. I snore, and I sleep deep, but it takes a long time to fall asleep and usually only beeping or banging noises wake me up??? Like I said, I sleep weird

How long would I survive in a zombie apocalypse?: I really don't know. I have some skills and the drive to learn to fight, but I am currently, as I'm sure y'all can tell, very sick and I don't think I'd be able to live with so much movement and so little medicine

Am I trusting?: Generally, I probably trust too much but I'm not gonna stop

What fictional characters do I identify with?: there are many I like but none I identify with

My most common labels: Mom friend, butch, that weird fat chick (doesn't bother me tho), the well behaved daughter, old soul

My life's anthem: I really am not sure if this is a good anthem song but I love it so so much... Take Me In Your Arms (Rock Me A Little While) by Kim Weston - you see where I get my love of long titles lol

Problems I'm dealing with: my health and whatever painful sickness is wrecking me, figuring out what to do with my life, saving money, getting my anxiety under control, getting the house to actually heat up because I'm cold as fuck

How can someone win me over?: let me express my interests and feelings, show kindness, be funny

What is something people don't know about me?: Idk

Not tagging anyone, this took over an hour

[lilpee-pee]

Hilda is even more obscure than I initially thought; a mythological masterpiece!

I’m not sure how many other people have noticed this, but here’s the list I’ve made from lots of research! This post will consist of no specific spoiler. But if you don’t want to know about anything yet, DO NOT READ THIS!!!

So after re watching the entire show, I noticed something rather interesting. Each episode features a creature or culture derived from ancient mythology. 

Episode 1;

The Elves: At first, I assumed this was about fairies. The tiny civilizations they must have. But after looking at the landscaping of the backgrounds, it hit me. These are based off of Iceland’s Huldufolk. This translates directly to hidden people. Said to be protectors of their good fortune, the government of Iceland made completely illegal any construction or interference with what is supposedly land that belongs to these small, invisible elves, who live in miniature houses called alfhols. Wait. Alf? Alfur? Coincidence? I think not. 

Episode 2;

Giants: The giants of Hilda are solely based off of Norse mythology. Legend tells of a tribe of beautiful giants, who once lived between the Sierra Nevada and the Rocky Mountains. There were hundreds of species, living in hundreds of habitats. The Great Spirit, however, grew tired of their aloof and mighty behaviors toward each other, so he allowed their enemies to conquer them; the humans. Only two giants survived: Paiute and his wife. Sounds about right. 

The Woodman: This monotone cryptic of Hilda’s assorted friends took me quite a bit of research to track down the origins to. But finally, I found him. Based on Greek culture, he’s actually a dryad, or “oak nymph”. These walking, wooden creatures exist to look after the oak tree they were forged from. So let’s suspend some disbelief and assume Hilda’s ancestor used the Woodman’s tree in order to build the cabin Hilda lives in. Why else would he have stuck around, since he’s always minorly annoyed and yet indubitably shows up in many of Hilda’s childhood crayon drawings? Just a thought.

Episode 3;

Thunderbird: These birds originate from Native American beliefs. By flapping its gigantic wings, it creates thunder and lightning, controlling the storm season and bringing excellent harvest. With storms, come rain, so the arrival of the thunderbird was always a promising sign. Present in their dances, tattoos, and carvings, he protected them from the great horned serpent and it’s destructive tendencies, bringing whoever favored him good luck and prosperity. Slides right in with Trolberg’s annual parade, don’t you think? And it brings a whole new connotation to the city’s “statue”, when the Great Raven explains how he had sat on top of it; his symbol was always present at the very top of a totem pole. 

Episode 4;

Vittra: These stinky little onions are more than they seem to be. From Northern Sweden, these underground dwelling nature spirits are very aggressive, territorial, and hated humans. They’re also known to have invisible cattle, which they milk for food and commonly steal from mortals who have wronged them. Really explains the cows, huh? They’re known to make humans’ lives miserable, especially when they meddle with their tunnels, lifestyle, or even cross their borders. Even in modern day, people have moved their homes away from any nearby “vittraställe”, or vittra way, just in case. 

Episode 5;

Trolls: Another Icelandic folktale, trolls are said to have been dim witted, man eating creatures that turned to stone upon contact with sunlight. Even in Lord of the Rings, they used these concepts. So why wouldn’t Hilda? If you visit the beaches of Iceland, it is said that the huge boulders scattered about the shores, and in the water, were once trolls. They were caught by the dawn as they attempted to crush the ships returning to their homes, carrying fishermen finding food for their families. These “troll rocks” are their bodies, reaching out to the sea, now forever entrapped in stone. 

Episode 6; 

Marra: Originally known as mare, which eventually attributes to the word “nightmare”, the Hungarian marra are malicious entities that possess humans with certain amounts of negative energy. Teenagers with depression, mostly, which also helped create the possessed, creepy kid trope in horror movies. While you sleep, they perch on your chest, and expose your mind to its deepest fear. Eventually, the marra evolved into the legend of the boogey man, so in retrospect, they never actually disappeared. 

Episode 7;

The Bragga: These outcasted group of elves, who made a failed contract with the Aldric family over “No Elf’s Land”, aren’t just coincidentally donning beard braids and helmets, obsessed with fighting physically, drinking ale, spitting, and riding rabbits like they’re jousting horses. They’re based off of Nordic Vikings, their separation from Scandinavia, and the culture that they eventually developed. Their tendencies to favor combat over reason is made evident, too, however stereotypical it may be. This is pretty much the only example the show has used so far to allude to a historical period of time. 

Episode 8;

Tide Mice: Taken from Mapuche mythology, these voodoo rodents are actually supposed to be colo colos. Evil, rat-like creatures, they hide in your house to feed on your saliva while you sleep, eventually bringing about comatose states and long term memory loss. Once all of your life juice has been depleted, your soul is completely sucked from your body and the colo colo consumes it in order to go on living. Despite their complete irrelevance with wicca, the way the show manages to assimilate the two is genius. 

Episode 9;

Ghosts: I feel like this speaks for itself. They’re very commonly used, but the show does a good, unique job of connecting a ghostly presence not with a negative haunting that needs to be handled or else everyone will die, but with a helpful spirit, just hanging around a house because it’s linked to a specific item or object. 

Episode 10;

Wind Spirits: The wind spirits, which were based off of Roman Anemoi, minor wind gods that each represented a cardinal direction, are shown in Hilda as debaters who couldn’t come to a conclusion. Their fighting is what makes gigantic natural disasters. This is mocking a bit of fun of Roman philosophers, who were known to sit around in their forums, arguing until the entire town couldn’t stand it. The irritated citizens would call these prolonged discussions, “storms of the intellect”. 

Episode 11;

Cursed Cottage: I have no clue where this myth derives from, and I couldn’t find much else except Into the Woods songs, but this is basically adopting the enchanted cottage trope. The gingerbread house that actually houses a wicked witch, the lone hut that holds everything Goldilocks longs for except for its occupants; so many fairy tales center their setting around a manipulative house that tries to snatch you up and never let you go. So this one is probably just a primal usage of that timeless idea, combined with a cool twist of inter dimensional neurotics. Pretty cool!

Episode 11;

Nisse: Also fondly known as house brownies, nisse are Norweigian dwarves, living inside of your home. Sometimes known to mischievously steal your things, like socks, car keys, old toys, jewelry, etc, they make nests in your walls or your abandoned, most frequently forgotten to check spots. If you are kind to them, leave them food, and treat them well, they will go out of their way to do good things for you, like wash your dishes, dust your desk, or, yknow, purge evil energies from your body. But if you anger them, they can be quite a hassle; breaking things is a usual reaction. Either way, if you ever catch them, you have the right to forcefully evict them from your home. 

Episode 12;

Black Hounds: Black hounds, throughout the history of mythology, are always seen as a dark, ominous omen, warning you of potential suffering, struggle, pain, turmoil, chaos and death. So pretty darn bad. Seeing a black hound, or even owning one, is still a superstition, today. They’re literally called the “accumulation of everything that is evil on this plane of existence.” But, if you haven’t already watched Hilda, keep Sirius Black in mind, and his patronus, which reminds us, “don’t read a book by it’s cover.” 

That’s all I’ve got to say, gamers! There are some that I skipped, like the lindworm, water spirits, stuff like that. But all in all, Hilda is a mythological masterpiece. Watch it whenever you can if you appreciate lore in any way, because it’s not just a beautiful, naturally diversified show about a socially anxious girl assimilating into a new culture. It’s taking incredibly interesting and obscure pieces of mythological history and braiding it into a perfectly constructed storyline. Whether or not it’s educational is up to you. Not even including here how breath takingly gorgeous the animation, use of color, and backgrounds are. Just... please. Don’t sleep on it! 

[my-proof-is-you]

Chasing Your Demons - Final Chapter

Summary: You thought you had left Dean Winchester behind you. After what he did, who could blame you?

But, when Dean is in trouble, his brother and your childhood best friend calls for help. You’re mad, but that doesn’t change that you care about them.

Soon you find yourself helping the younger Winchester and getting closer to him again. Dean has changed, but you want to help bring him back to who he was. If it works, though, what will the future hold for you and the brothers?

*I do not own and gifs or pics

Masterlist

You

You slammed the axe down into the wood as if it could take all your anger and confusion with it.

With every hit, though, all you could see was Dean’s face staring back at you; Sam’s worried eyes looking at you with pity.

I should just go back.

No. You couldn’t go back. You had promised that you wouldn’t come between the brothers.

You sat down the axe and looked at your hands. They were calloused and bleeding. You hadn’t realized how long you had been out cutting wood. Jody whistled at you from the front of the house, and you walked over to her.

“Want some lemonade? Geez, I’m gonna get you a first aid kit. You didn’t have to literally work your fingers to the bone, girl!” Jody said, looking at your bloodied hands as you approached.

She dragged you inside and tended to your hands. When she was done, she looked up at you with a serious ‘mom’ face.

“Your phone has been going off nearly non-stop,” she said.

“I’m sure it has,” you said with a sigh.

“Y/N, maybe you should at least hear them out.”

“Jody, if I do they are just going to find a way to get me to come back and the same thing will keep happening,” you said, shaking your head.

“But how do you know that unless you give them a chance?”

You sighed, not even sure you had a good answer for that. “Okay,” you said, closing your eyes. “I’ll give them a chance. But if my life is ruined, I’m blaming you,” you said sarcastically. Jody laughed and nudged into you with her shoulder.

Dean

Dean had lost count of the days since you’d left. He knew that in reality it hadn’t been more than a few, but it felt like more than he could count. How could he have been so stupid?

The mark was getting the best of him, and he knew it. He wished there was some way to just magically get rid of it, but obviously that idea had been worn out. Even if you did come back, what would Dean do? He knew he would be dangerous for you to be around.

Stop thinking like that, asshole. Thinking you know what’s best for Y/N is what got you into this mess in the first place.

Dean had been laying in his bed for hours, too depressed to get up. He kept his phone close just in case he heard anything from you, but he was starting to give up hope.

No sooner had he thought this than his phone chimed with a notification. Dean jumped so high he nearly fell out of his bed. He opened the text, and his heart set to racing.

Meet me.

The two words were accompanied by an address Dean knew was halfway between the bunker and Jody’s. He jumped up, ready to race to the Impala as fast as he could. Before he could even get to the door, Sam threw it open, holding his phone up. He had gotten the same message.

“She wants to meet!” He said excitedly.

Dean felt his smile grow. “I know. C’mon, Sammy. Let’s try not to fuck this up,” Dean said, patting Sam on the back as they walked toward the garage.

You

You sat in a dirty booth at the diner that was located in the middle of nowhere twiddling your thumbs nervously. You had no idea what you were going to say to the brothers when you saw them. They both meant so much to you, and you knew you could never choose one only to lose the other.

The slender red-headed waitress came over for what felt like the hundredth time to ask if you needed anything. You had been sipping on the same cup of coffee for an hour. It was cold now, but you didn’t want anything else for fear that you may throw it right back up.

“You sure he’s comin’, honey?” The waitress asked with a southern drawl. She had clearly assumed you were being stood up for a date.

“I’m not, actually,” you said sadly.

“Well, if he don’t show up, it looks like there’s a few good replacement candidates,” she said, staring out the large window next to the booth.

You turned your head to see Sam and Dean climbing out of the Impala, both of their eyes locked on you. You looked between them, your heart in your throat. They leaned against the car, waiting for you.

You sat still, unsure of what to do. It felt like hours passed before Sam lifted his hand and waved for you to come outside. The waitress did a double-take before realizing the boys were waving to you.

“I-I’ll be back,” you said as you shakily slid out of the booth.

You walked to the door and pushed it open, the little bell that hung over the door ringing as you did. You had walked maybe three paces when you felt yourself being swept up. Dean was crushing you into his chest and spinning you around. You felt your smile grow, and before your feet even touched the ground his mouth was on yours.

The kiss was desperate and wanting. Without saying a word Dean conveyed how much he missed you and if you weren’t mistaken, how much he loved you.

You returned the kiss threefold. Any worries you had about Sam were cast aside as you grabbed the back of Dean’s neck and ran your fingers into his hair.

When you finally pulled apart, you looked at Dean’s mossy eyes and saw nothing but affection and guilt. It was a strange combination, but one you had come to know as a regular look of his.

When you pulled your eyes away and looked at Sam, he was leaning against baby, still smiling from ear to ear. You took Dean’s hand and walked over to him.

“So?” You asked, not sure what he was thinking.

“So,” he said. He walked over to you and pulled you into a bear hug, nothing sexual about it. You knew immediately that the brothers had worked something out—and that you had your best friend back.

Without saying another word, the three of you walked into the diner and sat at your booth. You felt the eyes of all the other patrons on you and knew they had all seen the passionate kiss between you and Dean.

It didn’t matter. You were too happy to care.

THE END

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14

@divadinag

@lynne1993

@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce

@infj-slytherclaw

@onethirstyunicorn

@sammykb1994

Deanies:

@tftumblin

@deans-baby-momma

@akshi8278

@weepingwillowphoenix

@playingdeep17

This Fic:

@icequeen6666

@my-soul-is-the-moon

@teenwaywardasgardian

@lilulo-12

@heyyy-hey-babyyy

[milkshake-fries]

hey I love sayaka very much so if you want to shout at me about her story (by answering this ask or in my inbox) feel free

aaa… i am… touched… thank you…

first i love how shes inspired by the original little mermaid, where the titular mermaid gives away her voice for legs etc. to see the prince she fell in love with, but it turns out the prince was a real jerk and treats her horribly. And since he marries another princess, her heart breaks and she turns into sea foam. Because of Sayaka, that story is one of my favorites now.

Sayaka’s version of the story, is just as heartbreaking. How she turns into a magical girl so she could save Kyousuke, without realizing that she basically gave away her soul. And how he doesn’t even thank her for all the times she’s visited him or helped him. And after she learns tat her soul gem is literally her SOUL, she feels as if though shes a monster, and kyousuke could never love her. Thats one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen in a show or anything. She feels so ugly and hideous she can’t even get out of bed. And her reaction to learning that Hitomi also loves Kyousuke, and that she’ll only give Sayaka a day to confess before she does… makes me sob. She feels she CAN’T confess because Kyousuke will never love her, because she’s a “monster” now. She starts to feel so horrible about herself, and feels guilty about starting to hate Hitomi. I just want to hug her. She starts to hurt herself by fighting witches dangerously, and starts to go down a dark path in general. Right before she turns into a witch, she’s obviously so broken, and calls herself an idiot for ever thinking she could have been a hero. I just… want… to cuddle her… and tell her… shes not a monster… shes perfect….

And her witch is amazing because of how much symbolism you can see. How it looks like a mermaid, the violin motifs. How it’s wearing armor because of how Sayaka felt like she was a knight in shining armor.

another thing i noticed, is that Kyoko is a bit like the mermaids sisters in the original story. She tries to get Sayaka to beat up Kyousuke, but Sayaka declines. The mermaids sisters try to get her to kill the prince, but she doesn’t. I just found that interesting.

I love how she acts like a normal teen girl. She has flaws. And I hate how people hate on her for the whole hitomi and kyousuke thing. They really are just teens, and teens are naive usually. She acted just how a teen girl would react to her crush dating another girl. If you combine that with learning that you just gave your soul away, then of COURSE she’s gonna be so depressed and broken.

I think her story is one of the saddest ones ever, because she’s just a teen girl who wanted to be with her crush, and ends up in a horrifying and tragic situation with almost no way out. According to Gen Urobuchi, in timelines where she turns into a magical girl, she’s bound to either die or become a witch. She turns out fine if she doesn’t, but Kyousuke still has his hand broken. She really doesn’t deserve anything that happened to her. She really just wanted to be with Kyousuke and for him to be happy.

and also episode 9… godddd…. EVERYTHING ABOUT EPISODE 9 BREAKS ME

“and i’m home” makes me sob everytime i listen to it. I sob every time i watch episode 9. To me, the ending where Kyoko sacrifices herself just so Sayaka doesn’t have to die alone is the saddest and sweetest thing ever. When I finished watching the original series, i was so obsessed with them. I looked at all the fanart and speculation. I listened to “and i’m home” a thousand times. I still love them. I still sob over them.

And the fact that Kyoko’s witch is named “ophelia”, after the girl who drowned…. just… godddd. everything about kyoko and sayaka, the parralels, EVERYTHING BREAKS ME

thank you for letting me scream ^^

[disneydreamlights]

For the controversial ship meme - ALL symbols for Persona, Kingdom Hearts, and Hatoful Boyfriend.

You really out here wanting me to die tonight for my opinions.

Persona:

Ship that you have as an OTP: 🌹

SHUAKE FOR LIFE. God I love Shuake. Enemies to lovers in general just gives me life but the fact that Akechi and Akira were made to be foils to each other is just good shit.

Ship that you’re indifferent to: 😑

Honestly most Phantom Thief shipping I’m pretty ambivalent to, but if I had to pick the one I’m like...truly the embodiment of “meh” about I’d probably say Ann/Akira. I don’t love it or hate it, it just kinda exists.

Ship that makes you sad: 💔

God I’ve got two: Akiham and Fool Moon. You want depression? Great, take these ships and run with it. And if you thought the fact that Shinji dying made Fool Moon depressing, how about the fact that if you romance Aki you can’t save Shinji, so he’s lost his parents, his sister, his absolute best friend in the entire world, and now you too.

...Akihiko deserved better.

Ship that you find disgusting: 💩

KEN/MINAKO CAN GO DIE IN A HOLE BYE.

Ship that you find cute but don’t ship: ✌

I don’t really ship it but of the female confidants and Akira, ShuMako is definitely the cutest.

Ship that you secretly like: 💚

I will never own up to this again but Ann/Ryuji actually lowkey is kinda cute, and while I’m not super into it I’d definitely get behind it.

Ship that you used to have as an OTP: 💙

None really? For me to dump a ship at OTP status you gotta cataclysmically fail as bad as Lotura and have a fanbase worse than some KH ships.

Ship that you find most sexy:👅

I got held up on this for like ten minutes because I’ve never actually thought of this in regards to Persona...I guess probably Shuake? All my other ships I see as sexually incompetent to some degree. 

Ship that you can never see happening: 👎

Any of the kid/adult ships. Also Futaba/Akira, the two are practically like adoptive siblings and that’s just weird.

Ship that is canon but you don’t ship: 💤

n/a. The only canon ship in Persona is Junpei/Chidori and that’s...good.

Ship that is unpopular but you still like: 💘

...Honestly Ann/Ryuji I’m pretty sure is unpopular. Also anything P3 because the fandom is too quiet.

Ship that is taboo: 💦

Shuake? I can see this ship being classified as taboo given I had to leave a server over hate for it.

Ship that pisses you off: 💣

...Ken/Minako please fuck off.

Ship you’re curious about: 👀

I would love to see more of MakoHaru, it’s got a lot of potential but not a lot of attention and that’s a real shame.

Ship that needs more love: 💖

Every one of my P3 ships. Give Akiham more love, give Fool Moon more love, give Mitsuru/Yukari more love. Give Junpei/Chidori more love.

Ship that is most misunderstood: 💢

Shuake is misunderstood even by its fans because too many of its fans white knight Akechi and erase his wrong doings when half of the interesting things from the ship come from Akechi growing from everything he did wrong and that’s the tea.

Kingdom Hearts:

Ship that you have as an OTP: 🌹

I always crossfire my OTPs but I guess if I had to pick one to top all of them it would probably be RikuShi? Hard to say.

Ship that you’re indifferent to: 😑

Tequa. I want to like Tequa, I really do. I just can’t bring myself to care about it that much, and that saddens me.

Ship that makes you sad: 💔

Hey canon SoKai absolutely broke my heart, crushed my dreams, destroyed my soul, and I want to cry.

Ship that you find disgusting: 💩

I sat here for like an hour because I genuinely wanted to avoid naming the ship and in the end I decided I’m tied between Ak*R*ku and Ak*Shi. The age gap plus the fact that Axel feels more like their dad just makes me uncomfortable, that being said if the arts good I’m still gonna reblog.

Ship that you find cute but don’t ship: ✌

There are a lot of good high crack combinations out there like Sora/Ariel, Sora/Rapunzel. I also admire R*kuShi from a distance but the fanbase kinda turned me off pretty bad given the ship wars between them and RokuNami.

Ship that you secretly like: 💚

Terra/Cinderella is a ship I will never talk about shipping but it’s actually genuinely really cute and I blame Talia for making me ship it.

Ship that you used to have as an OTP: 💙

Once upon a time back in 2018 I was a huge S*RiK*i shipper. Then KH3 came out and well...

The behavior of some people has kinda turned me off big time from a specific third of the ship and if you don’t like all three parts then what’s the point of OT3ing.

Ship that you find most sexy:👅

Vanqua. Which I feel weird saying but you know what, that would one hundred percent be it. The rest of my ships completely lack sex appeal but Vanqua has Aqua in it and she’s literally the most attractive character in KH.

Ship that you can never see happening: 👎

Well of my own ships...Vanqua, but of the other ships...

You know what, for my own safety, I’d rather not say.

Ship that is canon but you don’t ship: 💤

Well I ship the canon and implicated canon ships so...

Ship that is unpopular but you still like: 💘

GULAVA HAS THREE SHIPPERS AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL PROUDLY BE ALL OF THEM.

Ship that is taboo: 💦

Vanqua. Big taboo here.

Ship that pisses you off: 💣

...

...

...

Look.

I don’t want to die Perla.

You already know my answer and why.

You know how much I hate that one theory and hate the fandom’s attitude and it’s made me legitimately angry over a ship.

I think you know the answer.

Ship you’re curious about: 👀

Aquarella looks real cute. So does NamiXi but not enough content.

Ship that needs more love: 💖

RokuNami needs more love, the ship’s fallen into quietness, but also my eternally rare pairs of GulAva and RikuShi and Vanqua and XehaEra need more content and deserve to be fed.

Ship that is most misunderstood: 💢

VANQUA

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GUYS THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH AN AGE GAP BETWEEN A SIXTEEN AND EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD STOP PORTRAYING IT AS GROSS THERE ARE UNDERSTANDABLE REASONS TO CALL VANQUA BAD AND A REASON I WOULD NEVER WANT IT CANON BUT THE AGE GAP DIFFERENCE IS NOT IT.

Hatoful Boyfriend:

Ship that you have as an OTP: 🌹

My oc x Yuuya because Zoe and I rped that and it’s one of my top ships period. Sakuya/Ryouta is honestly a very good ship and 10/10 would ship again.

Ship that you’re indifferent to: 😑

Honestly most ships? There’s just not a lot of birdie combinations I’m super into in general.

Ship that makes you sad: 💔

Hiyoko/Ryouta is particularly tragic, even if I’m not a shipper of it, once you take into account BBL.

Ship that you find disgusting: 💩

Yuuya/Sakuya

Fuck off with that incest.

Ship that you find cute but don’t ship: ✌

I’m not super big into Anghel/Nageki but it’s real cute anyways, just not enough canon substantiating it.

Ship that you secretly like: 💚

N/A. Don’t really had any of my Hatoful ships.

Ship that you used to have as an OTP: 💙

None? Same deal as P5 there was no fuckery in the fanbase to turn me off. It’s a nice chill fanbase over here.

Ship that you find most sexy:👅

...They’re birds.

Ship that you can never see happening: 👎

Shuu/Yuuya. I know there are people who ship it and no.

Ship that is canon but you don’t ship: 💤

N/A. No canon ships.

Ship that is unpopular but you still like: 💘

...I’m not involved in the fandom enough for this tbh.

Ship that is taboo: 💦

None I’m interested in tbh.

Ship that pisses you off: 💣

PEOPLE WHO SHIP EITHER SETS OF BROTHERS. JUST NO.

Ship you’re curious about: 👀

Anghel/Nageki. Let them interact more in the next game.

Ship that needs more love: 💖

...All of them. This fandom is tiny give the game more love before its ships.

Ship that is most misunderstood: 💢

None that I can think of?