#forgive me the brainrot is too strong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thisgirlnamedblusy · 2 months

Note

Holy moly, your last story had me feeling feelings.

The sentence about the unborn baby being jealous got me thinking tho, what if their kid inherited some of Donna's possessive traits, like always wanting to be by y/n's side, much to the chagrin of poor Donna, who hasn't been able to cuddle reader at night without a (sometimes two) little body wiggling into their bed. And as their daughter grows, she kinda sees Donna as a threat, someone who takes her moms attention away. Donna doesn't rightly know how to deal with the feeling of love for her child, and annoyance at not having reader for themselves.

UNTIL one day when reader and child is taking a walk through the forest, and a couple of men comes up and threatens them, only for mama Donna to turn up and rescue them. Both Donna and her daughter have a revelation that day: Donna from how scared she would be if anything happened to both her love and her child, and daughter from how she now sees Donna as her mama too, who would always protect and love her. And they make an unspoken pact about protecting reader always xD

You don't have to write this if you don't want to, I just got the mama Donna brainrot lol

Thanks for feeding us starving queers some quality Donna content

Yesss!!!! Thank you for your words, and for your request! I'm glad to read you enjoyed that one!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

A long road to motherhood

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: G!P Donna (implied), slightly dark themes, Donna's POV

Word count: 7,112

Summary: How I can be jealous of my own daughter?

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! This is a sequel to this one!!! I love you all!!! :))

As they say, time heals wounds.

After almost losing you, after seeing how life became more and more distant from your sight, I was able to get you back.

A miracle, the sign that my sins were forgiven, I couldn't say what exactly it was. I have always thought that coincidence doesn’t exist, even when I met you, a bad deed that was rewarded, a trip to hell of having you immobile in a bed. I could never forget the two weeks when I almost lost you, when my whole world almost collapsed, because of me.

But no, life stopped torturing me, you woke up, you woke up wanting to make me feel good, to forgive me, to continue loving me as I didn't think you did.

If I had to keep a memory in my mind, only one, I would choose the moment in which I turned my head and saw your eyes open, your sweet look from that stretcher, life shining in your eyes again, looking at me.

I made an effort not to torture myself, to not let the nightmares make my nights impossible. It could be because I was still mentally ill, I couldn't separate myself from what life had given me, but I had to be strong. It was no longer you and me. There was someone, someone much more important to care for, someone to fight day and night for with my demons, with my jealousy, with my stupid and sick way of being: our daughter, Giovanna.

Born from my mistakes, from my pathological possessiveness, that girl represented everything pure that was missing in my life. My family, our family had been formed thanks to the biggest mistake of my life, thanks to that horrible afternoon in which I took what I thought was mine.

Luckily, the girl kept me away from your screams of terror, from the way you resisted my actions. Little by little I began to forget it, especially when I saw that childish smile in the girl's eyes. She had no hard feelings. If her birth was a mistake, it would be the best one in my life.

Maybe not the way she was conceived, but I could feel proud of the change that little Giovanna Beneviento made in our lives. I almost lost you because of my selfishness, but I got you back because... Well, I couldn't say why exactly. Maybe you forgave me, maybe you never could. I didn't know, with you it was impossible to know.

The years passed, the girl grew up and with her everything we had formed by chance, because of me, settled into routine, like a new way of living, of caring, of loving...

“Asleep,” you said amused, entering the bedroom, closing the door, wearing that smile on your face, the one I didn't think I deserved.

Luck smiles on the wicked, it smiled on me, the luck of having you, of having you and our daughter. I was not worthy of such honor, such light that had appeared in the darkness of my life.

“She’s alright?” I asked, getting under the covers. You nodded, motioning with your thumb, joining me.

“Yes, she's with Angie,” you answered, kissing me quickly. I frowned, with an amused look.

“That doesn't answer my question,” I whispered, kissing her shoulder, thanking with my lips that you never left, that all my flaws seemed like just an illusion to you.

“Well, I told her the story of the princess and the eel, it is her favorite,” you said with an interesting look. I shook my head, laughing at that attitude you had, that attitude that didn't disappear even in your worst moments. I didn't deserve you.

“The princess and the frog,” I corrected, narrowing my eye, with a sinister smile. You laughed, disapproving of my correction with a wave of your hand and a tired sigh.

“No, no, Donna,” you whispered, with a mocking tone. “You heard me correctly. Eel.”

“What difference does it make?” I asked curiously, admiring your imagination, your ability to make Giovanna fall asleep every night with those made-up stories. Only you could do it.

“Oh, I'm glad you’ve asked me...” you whispered, darkening your voice, making me pay more attention to you. “Well, when the princess kisses the toad, it becomes a prince, right?”

I nodded, listening to you with curiosity, trying not to let my eye go to the scar on your arm, the one that showed the worst two weeks of my life, the ones in which I was on the verge of losing you, because of me.

“Well, in my story, when the princess kisses the eel, the prize is… an electric tickle attack!” you said loudly, attacking me mercilessly, running over my body with your restless hands, making me laugh involuntarily.

“(Y/N)...” I said, grabbing your wrists to end your torture.

“Do you like my story?” you asked, climbing onto my lap, with that shine in your eyes that made me tremble, get excited. You were so perfect, so sweet... So... Fiery.

“Is that the end?” I asked, hugging your body, keeping it close to mine, rocking it. You pretended to think about the answer, which came in the form of a tender, but hot kiss on my lips, one that made me sigh.

“Well, that's the all-audiences ending,” you purred in my ear, forcing my hands to scratch the fabric of your pajamas as a result of the subtle but perceptible movement of your hips against mine.

“Is there an alternative ending?” I asked with a low voice, impatiently putting my hand in your pants, keeping your gaze, which drifted to my lap while you nodded.

“Yes, but it can't be told,” you whispered, reacting to my touch with erratic movements of your body.

“Maybe you can show it to me,” I said, with a smile close to your lips, noticing your nervous breathing, your desire to love me once again, to let yourself be loved, this time for real, that time without arguments, without terrible ideas going through my head.

“Maybe I can,” you whispered, melting into me in a passionate, hot, wet kiss, dancing with my body, caressing my hair, my back, comically fighting with your pajamas so they would disappear from our path.

“Mom, mom!” a shrill voice sounded behind the door, causing you to move, to turn away from me with scared eyes.

Small steps approached the bed and with the strength that a 6 year old girl could have, Giovanna climbed up to meet us.

“Gio, what are you doing here?” you asked, your face blushing. “Why did you get up?”

“I've had a nightmare...” the girl murmured, looking at me out of the corner of her eye, with a strange feeling that made me raise my eyebrow.

“Oh, a nightmare?” you said, taking the girl in her arms. “You just fell asleep, darling.”

“Yes, but I had the nightmare,” she said, looking away. Was she lying?

“Oh, poor Gio, the evil monsters again?” you asked with a tender voice, placing the little girl between the two of us.

I couldn't help but sigh tiredly. It might seem like a tender moment, a moment when our daughter needed that coveted motherly love. Well, it could be like that, but I knew it wasn't.

When she was born, she was a good baby, who cried like a normal baby, who let herself be rocked, who fell asleep in my arms. That changed over the years. Somehow, as if she had noticed the absence of her mother in the first moments of her life, she could no longer live without her.

Always with you, the girl was always with you, she cooked with you, she bathed with you, and, of course, she slept with you.

The nights stopped being a small bastion of intimacy between us when Giovanna had enough capacity to reason. Sometimes I thought she did it on purpose, to annoy me. She couldn't think that way. I really was trying not to think that way.

“Yes, mom...” the little girl sighed, causing another hug from you and a look of helplessness that you gave me over your shoulder. “Can I sleep here?”

“No, tesoro,” I said, taking the girl in my arms, in a furious outburst at that interruption.

I wouldn't have acted like that if it hadn't been the countless times it happened. “Come on, let's put you to bed.”

“No! I want to stay with mom,” the girl protested, breaking free from my grip, crawling comically across the bed to reach your arms. You laughed, shaking your head.

“(Y/N), tell her something,” I said, showing clear displeasure at the situation. My patience grew as the girl did, but lately it was slowing down, maybe too fast.

You shrugged, hugging our daughter, who seemed to be having another of her usual tantrums.

“Oh, come on, Donna, poor thing. It's okay. She can sleep with us,” you said, giving in to the little girl's emotional blackmail, to those fake tears that ran down her cheek.

“It's okay if it were the first time, (Y/N)” I said, sitting on the bed. “She has to learn to face her fears.”

“Mamma mean... Mom, mamma is mean...” Giovanna said, hanging on to your pajamas, looking at me with eyes that I wished I had never seen. They seemed full of hatred, irrational hatred. Why did she remind me so much of me?

“No, don't say that, honey, mommy Donna isn't mean, she cares about you,” you sighed, cradling the little girl in your arms.

I laughed nervously and crossed my arms, shaking my head. Despised by my own daughter, was this the punishment that awaited me for my horrible acts?

“Well, then she has to let me sleep with you,” the girl said, without bothering to look at my face.

“She's going to do it, right, Donna?” you asked, looking at me. I couldn't do anything else. I had to nod in defeat, for my own daughter.

“Oh, okay,” I huffed, getting under the covers.

I looked at the girl, the girl looked at me and did something that made me sit up again. Her face radiated the sweet taste of victory, sticking her tongue out at me mockingly.

“Hey!” I protested, annoyed by that unpleasant gesture. “(Y/N), the girl stuck her tongue out at me.”

“Oh, come on, stop it and let's go to sleep,” you said tiredly, turning off the light on the table, enveloping the room in the deepest darkness.

I wanted to protest again, to punish Giovanna for treating me that way, but I did nothing, as always. I just crossed my arms again, pressed against the edge of the bed.

Silence finally reigned in my head, and in my ears. Frustrated and nervous, I thought about everything that was happening, about my daughter's unfair attitude towards me. You said that perhaps she had inherited that possessiveness.

I trembled to think that it could be that way.

Of all my flaws, that was the worst. Just thinking that my daughter could become someone like me... My entire body trembled with terror at that idea, my stomach clenched as I imagined it. Giovanna had inherited almost all of my looks, that wasn't a bad thing. But that her mind worked like mine, that she thought she had to have you to herself...

No, that was something that horrified me, something I tried to ignore in each and every one of her tantrums.

With my eye open, thinking about that possibility, I spent part of the night, well, until a small foot hit me in the face, snapping me out of my own personal torture.

“Mamma, move, I don't have room,” the girl protested, causing me to grunt, pushing her small leg away with an angry gasp.

“You have plenty of room, Giovanna,” I said with a serious voice, perhaps too serious for such a young girl. She didn't seem to care and she continued kicking my body until she forced me to fall off the bed with a thud.

“Mamma, you fell,” my daughter whispered, with a malicious tone, with a tone I hated hearing.

A mocking laugh reached my ears. It wasn't the girl. It was you, (Y/N).

Did you really find it funny that my daughter looked down on me like that? My dark mind lurked in my thoughts, but I was stronger, at that moment I could control my impulses, although I didn't know for how long.

“Do you find it funny? Your daughter kicked me out of bed,” I said furiously, suddenly getting up from the floor.

“No, no, not at all,” you said, not knowing how to hide the mockery that appeared in your words.

I sighed again, running a hand through my hair, shaking my head.

“You know what? You can stay there, I'm leaving,” I said furiously, grabbing one of the cushions from the bed, leaving the room, stopped by your mocking hand on my wrist.

“Come on, Donna, stop acting like a child and go back to bed,” you said, your voice tired. I opened my eyes wide, offended by that reproach.

“Do I behave like a child?” I asked, with my hands on my hips. “Tell your daughter, she hasn't stopped until she kicked me out of bed and...”

“Donna, stop it,” you scolded me, leaving me glued to the wooden floor. “I don't know which of the two is more childish, really...” you sighed, turning around, letting me go.

I opened my mouth to say something, but my insides were churning furiously. I knew I was right, but I couldn't help but feel that it was internal rage, an uncontrolled rage that clouded my disturbed mind was the reason for all your suffering. I would never hurt you again, (Y/N), ever again.

“Buoa notte,” I whispered before disappearing down the hallway, walking towards the office.

Lying back on that old sofa, I thought about whether all of that was really a punishment, if the happiness I felt from having you next to me, from having a family, was just the illusion of reward, instead of a macabre game of hell itself.

“Hello, hello, hello, exiled again?” a familiar, too familiar voice asked, Angie, who entered the office with an amused step.

“What do you think?” I asked, settling down on that horrible sofa, looking away from that annoying doll. “If you did your job well…”

“What job?” the doll asked, jumping into my stomach, with a maddening voice that I didn't need to hear.

“Giovanna has had nightmares again,” I commented in a low voice, forcing Angie to get off my body, turning around, trying not to stick the wood of that sofa that little by little was becoming my new bed.

“Oh, I didn't know,” she muttered, climbing up again, just to annoy me. Why would my own conscience want to annoy me? It seemed like everyone was against me, as always.

“You didn’t know? You sleep with her,” I said incredulously, suspecting something I already knew. Angie shrugged, shaking her head from side to side. “Piccola bugiarda…”

“Don't blame her. She wants to be with her mother,” the doll said, downplaying the fact that my daughter was a little liar, something admirable at her age, but equally irritating.

“I'm her mother too,” I protested, sitting up, saying out loud a truth that my own daughter seemed to deny from the moment she said her first word, from the moment she decided not to separate from you.

“That's quite obvious,” Angie murmured, making me roll my eye and cross my arms, pressing my nails into my skin.

“But it seems like I’m not... Giovanna doesn't see me as such,” I said with a lower voice. “Cazzo, Angie, I can't even spend a moment with (Y/N) alone...”

“Oh...” the puppet sighed, forcing me to look at her. “I don't think you're jealous of your own daughter, Donna.”

“What? Of course I’m not,” I said immediately, separating that possibility from my head, the possibility that had been tormenting me for some time.

“Well, it seems like it,” Angie rebuked, earning a strong push from me to took her off the couch.

“Don’t say nonsense. I'm sure it's a phase or something...” I muttered, grabbing the cushion to channel my anger into that piece of fabric instead of losing my nerve.

I hadn't lost my mind for too long, I wanted you to be proud of me.

“Well, well, what you want is to be alone with (Y/N) to make more babies to get on my nerves,” the irreverent puppet commented.

I huffed tiredly. Of course, Angie was part of me. She was just as possessive and jealous as me, as Giovanna...

“You don't understand,” I said in a dark tone, looking away from her. “I adore our daughter but I would like to have time for (Y/N) and me and… Besides, I'm afraid of…”

“Of what, Donna?”

“I’m afraid of Giovanna being like me”

That night I barely slept. The erratic thoughts in my head wandered freely thanks to the lack of your body hugging mine, your heat dissipating my demons. No, I couldn't be jealous of Giovanna, I couldn't feel hatred towards the person I loved most in the world. Or maybe I can, I didn't know, I was incapable of controlling everything that was going through my head, I was incapable of not seeing myself in my daughter's hateful glances.

“Good morning, darling...” your soft voice, your caresses on my hair woke me up from my recurring nightmares, some in which my old self took control of my actions, some in which I hurt you, again. “Have you been able to sleep?”

“Yes, well, I'm used to that horrible couch,” I murmured, yawning, sitting up to return those precious caresses, that kiss that I wanted to give you to calm my senses.

“Donna,” you sighed, with a sad look, lack of that fun that always guided your life. “Come on, don't be mad.”

“I'm not mad,” I said defensively, bringing my knees to my chest. “How did the little princess sleep?” I asked, unable to prevent irony from coating my words.

“Well, well, it seems like she doesn't have nightmares anymore,” you commented, oblivious to the mockery of my question, or rather, wanting to be oblivious to it.

“Yeah, sure,” I said, shaking my head, with a fake smile on my face.

“Don't be like that with Gio, she's a little girl, it's normal that she wants to be with her mother,” you explained, never ceasing in your attempt to calm me down with your caresses.

I wish it had been that easy from the beginning, I wish your love could have put an end to my jealousy.

“With you, of course,” I murmured angrily, squeezing my fist tightly, a fist you grabbed, undoing its shape before it hurt me, again.

“Don't have a hard time, my love. You know what Giovanna is like, she's like…”

“Like me,” I interrupted, making you sigh intensely and lower your gaze. That was what you were going to say, it doesn't matter if you denied it.

“Yes, but not in the way you're thinking,” you said, lying, I could see it in your eyes, you were lying.

Liar

“I need to take a shower,” you commented, leaving aside that interesting and dangerous topic of conversation. “Why don't you give the girl breakfast? So you spend some time together.”

“She’s going to to bite me,” I murmured, unintentionally earning another of your tender laughs, another of your quick kisses on the lips, caresses and kisses I never deserved.

“Stop protesting and act like a mother,” you said amused, leaving the office.

I growled, uncovering myself and going to look for that little monster.

“Come on, Giovanna, drink the milk...” I said, tired of the girl's obvious refusal.

Already dressed, I prepared to fulfill the task you gave me, bathing the little girl and giving her breakfast. To say it was easy was a dirty liar. It was not.

Giovanna's protests grated in my ears. She loved her mother, she loved you.

“I don't want to, where is mom?” Giovanna asked, in a childlike posture, crossing her arms and dodging each of my attempts to bring the glass to her mouth.

“Mom is taking a shower, come on, obey,” I said, already tired from that infernal bath, from the kicks and punches of protest from my daughter, from our daughter. If she didn't look so much like me, I'd think she was just yours.

“I don't want to,” the girl said, looking at me proudly. I snorted, getting angry.

“Giovanna...” I hissed threateningly, sternly. She shook her head. “Come on, don't make it more difficult for me.”

“What have you done to mom?” she asked, leaving me stunned, leaving me breathless because of that horrible accusation.

“What are you talking about, tesoro?” I asked incredulously at those words, at that question. Did she remember she existed because I forced you to? It didn't seem possible.

“Mom's not here, I'm sure it's your fault,” the girl repeated, without looking at my face, gracefully avoiding my attempts to get her to eat breakfast.

“Don't talk nonsense and have breakfast at once,” I said tiredly, ignoring that horrible accusation.

“I don't want to, I want mom to come,” Giovanna said, kicking in the chair, threatening with another tantrum.

“I told you... Mom is taking a shower,” I whispered, losing my patience. “Eat breakfast or I won't let you play with Angie.”

Apparently, the threat of punishment had an effect. The girl clumsily picked up the glass, drinking some milk. I sighed in relief, but not for long. With a mocking sound, the milk in her mouth shot into the worst possible place, into my face.

I blinked in shock at this evil act and tried to ignore the boisterous laughter of the Angie doll, who seemed to be writhing on the floor, amused at my expense.

“It's over, you're punished,” I said furiously, grabbing the little girl's arm, who protested with an exaggerated scream.

“Let me go! Mom!” the little girl yelled, disconsolately calling her mother, calling you, her savior.

“Stai zitto, Giovanna,” I said furiously with a dark voice, but maintaining my composure, wiping my face.

“Lasciami in pace!” she screeched in response, moving erratically.

“Io sono la tua mamma, ascoltami, Giovanna...” I whispered, stopping that protest as best I could, being totally incapable.

“Tu non sei la mia mamma, sei una stupida!” she screamed, insulting me, making it clear that she didn't love me, that she only loved you.

That was a hard blow for my fragile mind, too hard.

“Hey, hey...” your voice resonated to calm that bloody battle, appearing from the hallway with a gaze fixed on the girl, with a frown. “What's going on here? If you're going to fight, at least do it in my language, will you?”

“Your daughter, (Y/N), that's what's happening,” I said furiously, unable to get rid of the strong accent that anger made me have. You approached, shaking your head, running a hand through my hair.

“What happened to you? Has a cow fallen on your face?” you joked, making the girl laugh in amusement, being picked up by your protective arms.

I didn't know what to say, I simply tried to fight against my wounded heart, against the tears that threatened to slide down my cheek.

With a growl, I walked away from you, quickly, ignoring your calls.

“Donna! Hey, Donna! Come here,” you shouted, calling me. I turned to look at you, but I could only see the girl's triumphant eyes, ones that almost made me lose control.

I ignored your screams, going down to the basement, running quickly towards my room, containing the rage that was beginning to build up in my fists.

Furious, I kicked a chair, kicked the bed, and pulled my hair. The situation was unbearable but... No, I couldn't lose my mind in front of you, of our daughter. I couldn't go back to being that evil woman who ruined your life, the one who forced you through her deranged mind. I didn't want it to come back, but I couldn't stop it.

“Maledizione!” I shouted, releasing all my anger in a punch that hit the mirror of the old dresser. Blood flowed from my hand. The pain was intense, but not compared to the damage to my delicate, sensitive, sick heart...

How to deal with the love I felt for you, and for my daughter? How to handle those horrible feelings that haunted me? I loved Giovanna. I loved her more than my own life, even if she didn't feel the same way.

Jealousy, possessiveness, yes, there was no longer any doubt, it was my fault. Giovanna was born for that reason. She came into the world because of my pathetic and crazy obsession with keeping you by my side. Just as it happened with me, it happened with her. My desire not to lose you, to keep you close to me had passed to Giovanna, turning her into my reflection, into an adorable version of the monster that I considered myself to be.

The situation was getting out of control. I should never have been a mother, I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to have you by my side. Your words, the love you said you felt for me were no longer enough.

That was my punishment for keeping you. That was my punishment for all the harm I did to you, creating something wonderful, a beautiful daughter, only for me to be nothing to her, just a nuisance, a threat that stood between her mother and her.

I looked at the blood that flowed from my knuckles, that blood that reminded me that I was still a human being. I shook my head, I buried it in my arms and there, in the solitude of my room, far from my family, far from the most important things in the world for me, I cried inconsolably.

“Quando ci vuole, ci vuole, mm?” I repeated that phrase looking at myself in the broken mirror, demanding a bit of fortitude from myself, gaining enough strength to get up and return to your side.

No matter how hard the path was, my duty was to walk along it. That was my penance.

“You shouldn't treat mommy that way, honey... She loves you very much.” Your voice caught my attention, making me hide before revealing myself again.

“She doesn't love me, she just wants to take me away from you,” the girl said, sobbing. That made me squirm again, but I managed to stay calm.

“No, that's not true, darling. Donna would do anything for you, for us… Remember how she made you Mrs. Freckles? She's your favorite doll, right?” you asked, giving Giovanna that doll, one that I made her when she was three years old, when she didn't hate me.

“Yes...” Giovanna said, hugging the doll tightly. That was the closest I'd come to her to give me some love the last two years. I cried again thinking about it.

“Besides, you don't remember but... Thanks to your mom, you're healthy and strong now, I'm sure you didn't know that,” you commented, with a soft voice, cradling the girl, calming her tantrum.

Giovanna shook her head, curious.

“I don't remember,” she said, with her hand on her mouth, in an adorable way. Well, at least it made me smile.

“Of course not, you had just been born and I... Well, I got very, very sick... I couldn't take care of you, but do you know who did?” you asked, with a voice similar to the one you used when you told her a story.

The girl shook her head.

“Donna, your mommy, she took care of you until I got well again. She fed you, changed your diaper, sang lullabies to you to make you fall asleep...” You explained, making the knot in my stomach grow stronger. I didn't want to remember those two weeks, I didn't want to.

“Mamma Donna?” the girl asked, lowering her gaze.

“Yes, honey, she was very kind to you, you should be a good girl and return her favor, don't you think?” you said, with a softer voice.

The girl seemed to think about it, but finally, just as I suspected, she shook her head.

“Go to play with Angie, okay?” you said when you looked at me out of the corner of your eye, when you realized my presence. “Then we could take a walk in the forest, would you like to?”

“Yes, yes, a walk!” Giovanna said, excited about the idea, running around the room, passing by me without even looking at me.

“Donna, darling,” you sighed, walking slowly towards me, looking down at my wound, still bleeding. “Oh, my love… Have you hurt yourself again?”

I nodded, trying not to look at her, feeling ashamed, feeling that I was the monster you seemed to fall in love with once again.

“Gods, what have you done? Come, let's heal you,” you sighed, with that look you had when my mind went crazy, something that hadn't happened for too long.

Slowly, with a sad look, you bandaged my wound, not wanting to say anything, looking at me from time to time, with pity, thinking you had lost me again.

“Giovanna said I wasn't her mother,” I murmured while you worked on my wound. You looked at me, sighing, closing the bandage around my hand, holding it in yours.

“Don't pay attention to her, she's a little girl. You know that children say a lot of nonsense,” you commented, lifting my chin so you could see my face damaged by crying.

“It's not nonsense,” I said, furious again.

"Of course it is. Giovanna loves you, even if she doesn't tell you, I know,” you said in a soft tone, trying to convince me to abandon that shameful jealousy, that lack of your love that girl was forcing me to feel.

“You think so?” I said, turning around, looking on the coffee table for one of the many drawings my daughter made and showing it to you superbly. “Where am I here?”

“Oh, well...” you said, taking the sheet of paper, looking at the figures of Giovanna, Angie and you. “Oh, look, here you are,” you said smiling, pointing to a small black figure in the corner of the paper. I raised my eyebrows.

“There are lint in this house bigger than that black stain,” I said ironically, becoming defensive again.

“That black stain is you,” you joked, nudging me. I looked at you with a burning gaze, making you step back.

“Exactly, I'm just a black stain in our daughter's life, and in your life,” I murmured, looking away.

“No, that's not true, you know I love you very much Donna. You know that I...” you said, almost begging for me to listen to you, too late.

“I have to work on my dolls,” I said, getting up from the couch, rubbing the bandaged wound on my hand. “Thank you for healing me.”

“Donna, honey, wait...”

Nothing you said could be enough to calm the tide of my dark thoughts.

Just a black stain, a monster that wanted to separate my daughter from her mother, that was me in that family, nothing else.

“We'll be back before it gets dark,” you said, kissing me on the cheek as you said goodbye, heading out the door. “Come on, Gio, give mommy a kiss,” you ordered the girl, who was tugging impatiently at your dress.

“I don't want to,” the girl murmured, taking refuge between your legs. “Come on, mom, come on.”

You looked at me, apologizing for her, I shook my head. Not even Angie stayed with me.

With nothing better to do, I leaned on the porch railing, watching you walk away, letting my mind think that this might be the last time I saw you. In my hands, I held the black veil with which I used to cover my face, imagining a fleeting hope that would allow me to go with you.

I'm just stupid, like my daughter said. I didn't deserve the fantastic family I had. I never did it, it was all my fault.

“Look, Donna, what a kick... It's incredible...”

“Do you think we should paint the room? It's a bit dull for a girl, or a boy...”

“I want to see what it's like...”

As I looked somewhere I didn't notice, I remembered those moments, those horrible moments of your pregnancy, horrible, yes, but also tender, adorable. I was to blame for your suffering and your smiles. The harm that little Giovanna did to you was the first of my punishments.

I sighed, letting a tear fall onto the wooden floor, shaking my head, denying myself the truth of a terrible thought. You would be much better off without me.

“Donna, Donna!” A shrill voice derived that horrible thought from my head. My Angie doll appeared from the trees, clumsily running towards me.

“Angie? What's going on?” I asked, shaking my head as I ran to pick up the puppet, who was panting comically from that impromptu run.

“(Y/N), (Y/N) and Gio are in trouble, you have to help them, quickly!” the doll shouted, pulling the fabric of my dress. I, scared by that phrase, calmed the puppet by shaking it so it would stop babbling.

“What? In trouble?” I asked scared, with my body trembling with fear.

“Some bad men have trapped them in the forest, you have to do something, run, run!”

Frightened by that revelation, I put the black veil over my face, lowering the doll to the ground. My gaze darkened.

Nobody touches my family.

“Okay, take me there, Angie,” I whispered.

The doll nodded and led me by the hand into the depths of the forest.

“Do you want to stay still, you damn brat?” A deep voice reached my ears. This horrible vision appeared behind some bushes.

Two men, probably from the village, were holding my daughter, holding you in the same way while you kicked, trying unsuccessfully to get out of their grasp.

“Ah! Damn! She has bitten me!” The fatter one yelled, protesting against Giovanna's surprising attack against his hand.

“Let my mom go, you silly! Let her go!” the girl shouted, now in the arms of that evil man.

“Damn child!” the other man shouted, trying to keep you still.

“Gio!” you screamed, watching how the girl kicked tirelessly. My whole body burned with rage. “Let her go, you asshole, she's a child!”

“I will if you give me what I want, young lady,” the bandit murmured.

“I already told you that we don't have money!” you screamed again, growling, fighting with the hands that went to your neck.

“I think so, look at that girl's doll, it must be worth a lot of lei...”

“No, Mrs. Freckles!” Giovanna yelled, when that vermin snatched her doll.

“You're screwing up quite well... You don't know where you've gotten yourself,” you growled, your eyes burning with helplessness.

I couldn't take it anymore.

“Mamma!” Giovanna said when I, with a calm, threatening step, appeared from the shadows.

“Ah!” the fat man shouted, receiving a well-deserved kick in the crotch from my daughter, something that made me smile.

“Damn... What the hell...?” the man murmured, now moaning in pain, while I picked up my frightened daughter in my arms.

“Oliver, look who she is...” the man holding you said, pointing at me, who was trying to comfort the little girl's crying.

“Oh, shit...” the fat man sighed, eyes wide open, kneeling in the snow. “Lady Beneviento…”

I didn't say anything, I just sighed, cradling my daughter who, for once, clung to me disconsolately.

“Donna,” you whispered, with a triumphant smile.

“Greg, I think you should let the girl go,” the kneeling man said. His friend, unfortunately for him, didn’t seem to pay attention to him.

“Are you stupid? She can't hurt us, she's just a nutcase,” his partner said, with a crazy look, putting a knife to your neck. “Don’t, don't move or the girl dies.”

“Greg, no...” the fat man said, pulling on his partner's clothes.

“Are you a coward or what's wrong with you?” this Greg guy snapped, smiling in a horrible way, holding the sharp blade to your delicate neck. “One, one step back, you doll psychopath…”

Of course, I didn't obey.

“Don't insult her, dude... Don’t do it...” his partner lamented, closing his eyes and bowing his head.

“Get up, now we have the control. She won't do anything if she doesn't want the girl to get hurt,” that stupid man said, making me laugh. “Give us everything you have if you don't want us hurt her. I will do it, I swear...”

“No, you won't,” I whispered, extending my free hand toward them.

“Ah! Snakes!” the fat man shouted, rolling on the ground. “They are everywhere!”

The girl looked at me smiling curiously, just like you, who was no longer trembling.

“What do you say, Giovanna? What do you think can scare that stupid guy so much?” I asked amused, looking into the scared eyes of the man who was still holding you.

“Mmm,” the girl murmured, changing terror for amusement. “Coccodrilli!”

“I like it,” I said with a dark look, walking towards that man who was threatening you. His eyes changed to ones of terror, especially since his partner continued to struggle with his hallucinations.

“No, no, wait, wait,” he said, letting you go and putting his hands up. “It, it was a misunderstanding, I... Ah! It has torn off my arm!” He said horrified, when he finally succumbed to my powers.

You ran to my side, into my arms, with a smile of relief, the three of us watching that pitiful spectacle together.

“They’re everywhere!”

“It ripped off my leg! Help!”

I approached them slowly, putting a hand on your shoulder, holding little Giovanna in my arms.

“The next time you mess with my family I won't be pious,” I threatened, giving as much fear as I could, being that monster I hated so much being, to protect my family.

“That’s right!” the girl said “Fools!”

The rats fled at last, leaving a small moment of tension behind them.

“Gods, Donna, you showed up,” you whispered, removing the black cloth from my face, kissing me quickly and then our daughter. “Gio, are you okay?”

“Mrs. Freckles!” the girl screamed. I lowered her to the ground so she could run towards her doll, now with a broken arm.

“Don't worry, honey, Donna will fix it,” you said, you now being the one holding the girl, as expected. “Come on, let's go home…”

The way back was silent. Your hand in mine expressed gratitude, love, what I didn't think you felt for me. Even Giovanna's distrustful look seemed to change, looking at me embarrassedly over your shoulder, as if she were sad, or sorry for something.

The next day the routine continued, but not before talking at length about that incident. Miraculously, Giovanna didn’t seem to have nightmares that night and, surprisingly, according to you, excited by my bravery, you allowed me to make love to you, for the first time in many months.

That small release seemed to mark the beginning of a new stage, or maybe it was just that the girl was too sleepy to want to annoy me. I didn't know.

Like every day, I worked on my dolls, well, that time, on poor Mrs. Freckles, repairing her arm in silence, with the only sound of the workshop clock keeping me company.

A tug on my dress distracted me. I hadn't heard her, but my daughter had entered the workshop like a silent breeze. I assumed she wanted to check the state of Mrs. Freckles' injury.

“Mamma...” she murmured, with her head bowed. I sighed, smiling, pretending that I had no hard feelings, pretending I didn't care about her attitude toward me.

“What do you want, tesoro? She's almost fixed,” I murmured, looking at the doll again. The girl tugged at my dress again, now catching my attention.

Giovanna didn't say anything. She just moved her hands up, opening and closing her fists with a sad look, asking, surprisingly, to be held in my arms.

I, without hesitation, obeyed her silent request, sitting her on my lap while I fixed her favorite doll.

“Will she recover?” she asked, observing my work. I smiled sincerely, nodding.

“Of course,” I said, amused. “Mrs. Freckles is very brave, don't you think?”

Giovanna nodded profusely, with a hand on her mouth, a hand that I slowly withdrew, so I could see the precious daughter I conceived.

“You are also very brave,” she murmured, as if something was stopping her from saying that. I stopped sewing, looking at my daughter's sincere expression. “You saved us.”

“I only did what I had to do, tesoro, protect my family,” I said with a slightly serious tone, accommodating the girl in a more comfortable position.

“I have a gift for you...” Giovanna whispered, taking one of her little hands to the pocket of her dress and taking out a sheet of paper.

I picked it up slowly, frowning when I saw one of Giovanna's drawings. Mysteriously, I seemed to be the protagonist.

“Look, mamma, it's you, see?” she explained, pointing to my dark figure in the middle of the drawing, rising triumphantly over two evil bandits. “Look, that's mom and me, smiling because you saved us.”

“Giovanna, it's... Amazing...” I sighed, trying not to get too excited, looking over and over again at the surprising details of that drawing.

“You will always protect us, right?” she asked with a low voice, as if she was also about to cry.

“Of course, tesoro,” I said, wiping away a tear that finally ran down her cheek. “Mom and you are the most important things in my life.”

“And will we always be?” the girl asked, a little more worried.

“Always, my love,” I said, with a smile.

“Won't you let them hurt mom?” she asked again.

I shook my head.

“Never,” I said, with a more serious tone. Giovanna smiled and, with an unexpected gesture, jumped into my arms, hugging me tightly, with an affection that I could never imagine or deserve.

“I love you so much, mamma...” she whispered with a tender voice, finally making me emotional.

“I love you too, my beautiful girl...”

#donna beneviento #donna beneviento x reader #re8 donna #re8 village #oneshot #requests

63 notes · View notes

madreemeritus · 6 months

Text

A small analysis of Angel Dust's character (tw: SA, abusive relantionships, drug addiction, coping mechanism, also spoilers of the series)

Today is Angel Dust's birthday, he's my favorite Hazbin Hotel character and became one of my fave characters ever recently, he's being my new brainrot so I decided to write about his amazing character. Oh and English isn't my first language so forgive me for any mistake.

Ok now the first thing needed is to recognize Angel's (Anthony) situation. Anthony was born in the 1910s and died in 1947, with 30 years old, he was the son of a mafia leader and a homosexual man that needed to hide and opress his own sexuality, or else he'd be, at best, killed (if not worse). When he arrived Hell, he found to himself a taste of freedom that he could never experience in his life. I'm not sure about how many years he's been in the Val situation because Valentino died in the 1970s, but either way, he signed a soul contract with Valentino and now his soul belongs to him. The worst thing about his situation is that he was much probably in love with Val and was manipulated by him to sign the contract, it's really heartbreaking to think about it.

Although we don't know the exact circumstances that lead Angel to sign the contract (if he knew or not knew he was getting into porn, if Val lied to him, etc), we do know that he didn't expect to have the life he has at the moment. Angel is, in simple words, a sexual slave. Valentino abuses him mentally, physically, emotionally and mainly, sexually. He forces Angel to do uncomfortable, painful things in the studio, perform extra hours without any human condition or even a raise, and also demands sex and affection from him. Angel can't say no, he is coerced and afraid to go against Valentino's wishes. Valentino also uses a disturbing form of emotional abuse, lovebombing Angel after assaulting and abusing him, all to remain his control over Angel. Val tries to isolate Angel from everyone else and bursts in anger once Angel moves to the hotel, after all their deal says Val can do whatever he wants with Angel in the studio, outside of the studio, though, Angel is free. This is one of the reasons why he is desperate to keep Angel around. Which also indicates Val abuses him financially, if most (if not all) the money Angel earsn with HIS work goes to VAL, then Angel is even more vulnerable, powerless and dependent on his abuser. It explains why Angel agreed to live in the Hotel in the first place: he'd have a free room, away from Val, with the MINIMAL of privacy and safety.

Angel Dust, with this amount of abuse and trauma, obviously run into coping mechanism. Even if it's self destructive. Angel is addicted to drugs (his artistic name explains itself), apparently alcohol too, and most important, he masks his own feelings. He acts as Angel Dust, the perfect, unbothered pornstar that is not weak or vulnerable in any situation. Angel Dust is always confident, strong, wanted, and constantly does the only thing he was taught he was of: flirting. He agressively flirts with every men, he offers his own body to almost every men he sees, because if he surrender himself first, then he won't be hurted or coerced... right? Angel Dust hides his true feelings and pretends to not care about anything and anyone but himself. Angel is, most of the times, rude, and don't respect other people's boundaries (after all his own boundaries aren't respected).

Because, if Angel acts this way, he won't be harmed, he won't be hurted, he won't be abandoned. If he is emotionally distant from everyone, once they abandone him, it won't be so painful... right?

Anthony hides his true self as a cope mechanism. And he knows he isn't perfect. He isn't a perfect victim, he has flaws, he does wrong things and make people uncomfortable (specially Husk, the only man that rejects his flirting, which I will talk about later), and mainly, he blames himself for being abused. And this is why he is so afraid to be real and vulnerable, even next to his friends. He thinks he won't be accepted or treated with respect. He spent so many years being told that he is only worth for sex, that he ended up believing this is the true. He spent so many years being treated as a sexual object, that he began to think he really is. He spent so many years being abused, isolated and manipulated, that he is afraid of opening up. He spent so many years being blamed for other people's actions (mainly Valentino), that he believes it's all his fault.

You may argue that he is honest and vulnerable with Cherri Bomb, but that's the point: Cherri is in a similar situation, she had a traumatic experience in the past and has similar self-destructive behaviour. She is a good friend, she sees him as he is and understands him for personal experience. As for Charlie... well, don't get me wrong. I LOVE Charlie. She IS a good person, a good friend and clearly cares about her people more than anything in the world. She wants to help and save people, Angel being one of them. She nearly beated Valentino's ass for seeing him abusing Angel. BUT. Let's be honest: as a very privileged person (princess of hell) among wretched mortal souls, she has no social awareness. I mean, come on. She wrote an anti-drug, pro post-marrital sex play where she casted Angel (a drug addict and a non-married sex worker) as the "crackhead bad guy", and praised only Sir Pentious for doing exactly the same thing Angel did. She wants to help, but she doesn't know how. Angel doesn't feel safe enough to open up. Anyone in the Hotel appeared to be safe and trustworthy, Anthony/Angel was afraid of being judged. He is a victim of SA, gruesome things were done to his body without his consent and he is ashamed of it. His hypersexualization is a way to escape his shame (hypersexualization IS A REAL AND VALID COPING MECHANISM IN REAL LIFE).

It's only in his most vulnerable moment, when he is caught by surprise, that his real feelings appear. When Charlie invades Valentino's studio — putting, in Anthony's eyes, her safety in danger —, the real Anthony tries to protect her from Val. He knows how shitty Val is. A coward, evil, gruesome abuser that has desires to control everyone and everything, even the Princess of Hell herself. We all know Charlie is much more powerful and could easily beat Valentino's ass, but Anthony doesn't care about. He probably doesn't even think too much about it, he just wishes to protect his friend. This is one of the most beautiful character aspects that Anthony has: he cares for his friends, MORE than he fears Val.

For Anthony, it's easier to surrender his body and will to Valentino, anything to calm his whiny ass down and make things less painful. But when it comes to his friends... it's so, so much difficult. He pleads Val to not hurt Charlie. Later in E6-S1, he stands up against Valentino to protect Nifty. Angel pretends to be unbothered and relaxed most of the times in the Hotel, he acts like if he doesn't care, but he DOES. He cares for his friends more than he cares for himself. He puts his friends in the first place. For him, it can seem like nothing important, but it actually tells how caring and kind he actually is. He is protective. He doesn't want ANYONE to experience the same abuse he experiences. Every. Fucking. Day.

Angel's arc, in the first season, is realizing that there ARE people who love him and care for him, DESPITE HIS FLAWS. He is not an object, he is not a worthless sinner, he is a victim, he is a person, he is a FRIEND. Once he realizes that, he starts to be kind to himself, make better choices, set boundaries to himself and respecting other people's people boundaries. And speaking about boundaries...

Huskerdust is simply, aaah holy shit what a perfect dynamic, what a perfect shipp (and when I mean Huskerdust, I mean ONLY the romantic shipp).

Husk really got into Angel's nerves, because he was the only man who rejected his flirts. He didn't only rejected, he pushed Angel away many times and openly said that he could see that Angel was faking. To someone trying to hide his own feelings, afraid of being judged and ashamed of the consequences of his trauma, that probably hurted a lot. Angel was taught that his only worth is based on his physical beauty and if he is sexually desired. Seeing someone, not only rejecting his offers, but also seeing throught the act he puts on, must have terrified and hurted Angel in a way he never expected to feel. He wasn't upset because "Husk rejected him", he was feeling humiliated and confused because, for the first time in years, someone wanted to meet the real Anthony. Angel was gaslighted to think that he is only worth for sex, for being used.

So. "What do you mean Husk doesn't want to use me? He must hate me and I'm worthless!". It's obvious that he would have this reaction. During his breakdown after Husk called him "fake", he is saying those words to himself. He is reaffirming what he was told he was worth for: for being used. People would kill to have Angel in their beds, people would kill to afford Angel's services, people would kill to use Angel. "— Do you know how much I'm worth?" in fact, Angel himself doesn't know how much he is worth.

Husk was the person Angel NEEDED. He may have been harsh on him in some occasions, but Husk CARES for Angel. He is grumpy and won't say it out loud, but he does care. He protects Angel from being drugged and abused in a bar even after their argument. He offers to listen, he relates to Angel's situation and doesn't judge him. Angel NEEDED to have the reality shock throught Husk's words: no one cares if he's hot, famous, if he's a whore, if he has flaws, literally no one cares. His friends love him the way he IS. Husk wanted Angel to be truthful, that's all. Husk never forced any physical contact, in fact, he offers his hand first and waits until Angel accepts it — besides, his physical affection isn't based on sex or violence. Notice how Husk never actually said Angel's work is garbage or that he is a bad actor, because this would be a lie. Husk says the material that is given to Angel is garbage. After all, Angel's movies are written and directed by Valentino (if i'm not mistaken, one of his asshole clients Travis also help Val with the script), of course it's garbage. Husk sees that the situation Angel is in, is garbage. Is horrible. Angel felt offended at first because, again, he thought his worth was based on Val's bullshit, but NO. Angel, Anthony, is not Val's bullshit, he is absolutely different.

Husk sees him as a real person. After Angel overstepped boundaries many times, Husk could easily tell him to fuck off, let him be drugged and raped without giving a damn, mocking his trauma, which would be a total asshole attitude but no. Husk, even being mad at Angel, listens to him with an opened heart. This is what Angel needed. He needs love and affection from someone that sees him as he is, and this person is Husk. Their bonding is so sweet in the next episodes, and I'm really excited to see how their slow-burn is going to happen in next seasons.

"Loser, Baby" is such an amazing song, it's so cute and adorable and it's exactly the type of comfort that Angel needed. Husk is also on a leash. He sold his soul to Alastor, he is constantly mistreated and forced to do things he doesn't want to do by this powerful overlord, and if Husk says no, he might lose his life. He knows exactly how Angel is feeling. He doesn't have a solution for their problems, he can't do anything against neither Valentino nor Alastor, but what he can do is helping Angel. Comforting him, listening to him and offering him companion. Angel is living a horrible situation, but he ISN'T ALONE. Yes, Angel is a cocked-up dick sucking hoe, and IT'S OKAY.

Now listen: "Addict" is Angel's song that denies his suffering. He pretends to "don't give a damn" and to be fine with the life he's living. "Poison" is the realization that he needs help, he is being abused and is slowly destroying himself with his addictions. He aknowledges his suffering, but he is still hopeless. "Loser, Baby" is Angel letting hope in. He knows he's, well, a loser, a broken person that lives a terrible, suffered life, but he is NOT alone. He is loved, despite his flaws, because his friends aknowledge his qualities and worth, him as a person. Anthony, not Angel Dust.

What an amazingly well-written character, fuck my life. I love him so much 😭

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #angel dust #happy birthday angel dust #hazbin hotel anthony #huskerdust #hazbin hotel valentino

80 notes · View notes

m1d-45 · 1 year

Note

Literally a lurker on your blog since ur early days but too shy to slide into ur ask box, hiii!!! I keep seeing cryo anon and teddy anon's brainrots and asks,,,, and like, regarding post impostor AU hehe

imagine after the hunt when your fave character/vessel begs you for forgiveness the most, practically turning their voice hoarse from their pleas to share just a bit of your mercy....

(you never showed your face to them, even when they were your most favored. how selfish of them, wanting more than they could ever deserve. but they can't help it. if you wanted them to die a thousand times over to repent, they would. just please, look at them again.)

post imposter au always tickles an itch in my brain I've never known existed. angry creator? boiling hot rage creator for their acolytes killing them when they've shown nothing but love and kindness for this world?? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP LORD

I wanna see guilt. And I mean GUILT. it's probably cause I'm petty asf and if I would be killed over and over and over again only for them to realize I'm not the fake I would literally lock myself up in whatever tower they built for me and never talk again. Creator's trust? Shattered, irreparable. Followers? Wallowing in the despair.

Thank u and goodbye heh. If it's not too much, can I be called Marcotte anon? Hehe fontaine reference hhhh,, anyways have a good day ily and ur fics <3

post-hunt can be incredibly good, entirely agree

the love you felt for the world is so strong already, and it only grows as you finally get to teyvat. being here, feeling the elemental energy, feeling the world greet you as you return after your rest.. what hate is more powerful than a love turned rotten?

you hid behind your veil, uncertain if you’re protecting yourself or them. it hurts to see their eyes tearing up as they plead, but what else are you to do? your hands shake when they draw close, and you can’t erase your own memory.

(you’d know. you asked nahida about it, but she’d only shaken her head. all she could do was clear the memories of teyvat, but not yours. it hurt, but was probably for the best.)

(despite it being a failure, that day was the calmest you’d felt in weeks. she was easy to talk to, and made lovely tea. perhaps you should visit again, if only to take a break from… everything.)

your solitude is comfortable, most of the time. a few of the hunters are a bit too comfortable with their sin, and are the ones tasked with bringing you food and other necessities. it’s not much better, though, since you can still see the guilt sinking in their eyes.

it’s a lose-lose all around. you want to see them, you want to see the world, but every leaf and branch is stained with the memories of the past, what used to be your favorite retreat now something else to hide from.

part of you is angry. furious at how easily they were tricked. it’s hard to stay mad at those you love, though, so you end up sitting in your window and watching the wind blow safely behind glass. your tea is from inazuma, this time, the faint edge of bitterness keeping you from sinking too far into much of anything.

leaves dance in the breeze. you won’t be seen again until they’ve long turned brown.

#i am. so sorry i meant to post this like three days ago fuck-#i’m normal and have normal working memory i swear #m1d : [chats]#marcotte anon #fontaine :]#also i’ll #m1d : [sweethearts]#sorry if this isn’t what you wanted i just be sayin words #hmm i was gonna say i’m gonna write for fontaine again but i think that would be too repetitive—#(i have made over 80 formal posts. of course i’m gonna be slightly repetitive)#two cakes it’s two cakes it’s TWO CAKES #as a reader it’s ‘i want thirteen exactly like this’ but as an author it’s ‘this was vaguely similar to something i posted a year ago :(‘#not technically a year but WHATEVRR #anyway anyway anyway um. freminet <3 #he’s got that flavor #god he just like me fr #i will build him or so help me god #i will be PRODUCTIVE TODAY i will be PRODUCTIVE TODAY i WILL i WILL

149 notes · View notes

thatdeadaquarius · 2 years

Note

Was reading thru ur answered asks again (also hey lol i CAME BACK--) and like. Oh my god. It gave me The Most Idea.

So you get isekaied to Teyvat right? They hear your og language, they revere every single worf from your mouth, yadda yadda yadda. But like. How does SLANG AND THE OTHER ASPECTS OF UR OG LANGUAGE translate. I am having VERY heavy flashbacks to Pokemons "jelly filled donuts".

So like-- for example: (this is the first one that came to my head dont judge me i am tumblr trash) (lets also assume that traveler has perfect understanding of ur language and slang and all the nuances of it)

Lets say you and the traveler were hanging out with some of the Vision holders, and the traveler had some shenanigans and pranks or something planned. After they pull their shit, you say "i hate you so much (affectionate)". Which kind of throws the Vessels in for a loop because like-- their god literally just said they HATED someone. And hate is a PRETTY STRONG WORD. So they should DEFINITELY strike them down for catching their gods ire but-- AFFECTIONATE????? how does one hate someone affectionately???????? Does this mean their god hates the traveler but decided to recind their hate last second? Is it some form of Divine and Holy emotion that cannot be described by the mere words of their language????

Meanwhile youre just there vibin and having a blast with the traveler while you casually give them a philosophical crisis AHAHAHA

Another example is shortened words-- because i know teyvat doesnt have shit like "ily" or "omg" or "lmao" or "fyi" or "brb". Because honestly, without the cultural knowledge and background of the internet, these sets of letters are just fucking GIBBERISH.

And i know that like-- i know enough internet slang abbreviations that i can literally just talk in jumbles of letters, so how in the WORLD would the vessels interpret that? Because its very clear that their god is just using the letters of their language, HELL they might even use Teyvatian letters so what in the world are they saying????

So theyd just hear a convo between the traveler and reader thats like:

Reader: traveler, i gtg asap; tldr i forgot some stuff back in the cr brb

Traveler: wait fr?

Reader: yeah fr

Traveler: lol f

Reader: (sighs) ffs man-- anyways brb for real

Traveler: cya

And the vessels are just watching the exchange like "huh?? What????? What just happened here??????" And theyre just wondering if they used teyvatian to talk in the "divine language of the gods" but nah-- yall are just dickin around AHAHA

Hey, so it came to my attention some of this was AAVE, and while i am southern so things like "ya'll" got included w/o me thinking - thats not an excuse for me to use this as a white person.

so if you wouldnt mind letting me please know if i do this as we talk abt language more and more - i do not want to repeat shit like this again.

I'm genuinely sorry to any black readers out there.

I've personally seen and cringed with you when I see imagines/reader things that assume a white person as default,

All I can do in ur eyes is promise that I am actively putting a stop to my ignorance of things like AAVE, and ask for forgiveness (which you arent obligated to give, never feel that way).

So with that in mind, read the ask below with caution, although it has since been edited.

____

ITS YOU!! >:D

A treat for ur ask my liege 🤲🍪✨️

I think u were literally the first asker after my first SAGAU/Isekai language brainrot post!! Omg u came back with a banger LMAO

What in the public menace is this...

(Gif is traveler and u pranking bitches)

Traveler knowing our world + language + SLANG?? INTERNET?? is SUCH A CONCEPT

So much room for inside jokes

I absolutely love the first one u said about phrases these days/gen z ig? slang

Its like so dramatic now that i think about it

Hate / love / dead / die / just straight up threats towards ur friends as affection or if theyre annoying u 😭

So many explicitives that make it hit harder too "go fucking die, my love <3"

^^^Or yeah like contradictions lol

♤

I think it was @nexylaza (srry abt the tag!) who replied to one of my earlier asks about blunt language how that might sound like to Teyvatians like ur emotions sound more extreme than what u actually feeling (which makes sense ur literally using hate = mildly dislike LMAO)

Same situation here like what u said ^^^

♧

(Ok i did lovely Aether awhile back so we'll go w/ Lumine this time! <3 u Aether!!)

*idk at an event/party for your arrival or something, and ya hungry fucks r hoarding the buffet table lol 🍻

You: "Shut the fuck up Lumine-"

Lumine: "Why r u pouring ur drink like ur in a earthquake lmao? Shaky hands lol"

*The immediate area of people around you go dead silent

*Lumine laughs

💀💀!!

Lumine: "Your gonna miss our cups LMAO"

You: "Bitch!" (u grinnin too lol)

*the whole rooms now quiet 😭

Lumine: "Don't spill- 🤣"

You: "I fucking hate you u whore <3"

(And u give the most genuine like abt to laugh smile🥰 )

*...a confused and kinda scared tension fills the room lol

*So poor Noelle, is like, oh. my. god. Creator is that upset with Lumine?? I must try to see what happened, how I can help! I dont remember Lumine doing anything bad to them! Shes wonderful y u do this to her 🥲

Noelle: "Uh, um, e-excuse me? Is every-everything al-alright, Y-y-your Majesty?"

You: "Huh? Yeah why??"

Noelle: "...w-well..."

UR FACE LIKE "😗?" LMFAO

*The room is staring at Lumine, in a mix of like shock, fear, and a little admiration for taking ur hate?? mood swing??? so well,,

theyre just waiting on Noelle to get an answer from you as to why you hate someone u seemed to care so much about, esp since they were ur first vessel 💀

look what you did their poor hearts u gonna give them a heart attack soon

Noelle: "A-a-a-a-are y-y-you s-sure??"

SHE IS SWEATIN

You: "🤨🤨??"

*Lumine finally notices why theyre all quiet and kinda concerned looking, bc u sure as hell wouldnt 😭 (i mean it is normal speech for u)

And Lumine's like: "No Noelle we're all good! It's just how Your Grace's home world, er, speaks for slang? Its overexagerated purposely dont worry love"

...

*Im sure they dont all believe her (or even you if u tell them 😭) and are just like,, REALLY NERVOUS CHUCKLING WHILE LIKE SWEATING-

And it takes a good like 10 minutes for the conversations to start getting back to their volume again, and they all still are looking over their shoulder checking on you guys 😰

(U did pour drinks w/o spillin tho🍻)

♡

THE TEXTING SLANNGGG

Ok, but u and Lumine would fucking write letters to people, and being the little shits pranksters u are,

(Bc u kno Teyvat dont got nothing else bc we're in the medival ages, besides having cameras- 🙄 )

And u guys r constantly-

"oh yes yes, that sounds all well and good Keqing, please inform the Qixing that I'll be there ASAP"

AND THEN-

"oh haha, silly me, i forgot that only Lumine/you get that stuff, sorryyyy 😋!!!"

SOME PUBLIC MENACES LMFAO PLEASE

And it just spreads to ALLLL the official documents u write or literally any letters sent to anybody-

And everyone else is feeling like the friend that got sacrificed to walk in the grass instead of the sidewalk 💀💀

While also being like "??¿?¿??? 🥲🥲😀😀???"

Is this ancient code?? Why does Lumine get to know it??

Why dont the like??? really old deities understand it??!!

But then nerds like Tighnari, Albedo, Alhaitham, Zhongli, Sucrose, Ayaka, Kokomi, Xingqiu, Childe, Yanfei, Shenhe, Kazhua, Sara, Ayato, Heizou, Cyno, Kaeya

Try to "solve" the letters or slang, poor things and not a single one of them gets it (y did u do this to them lmao)

(God i finally looked at a character list so i wouldnt leave anyone out, but theres so many of these fucks by now help)

^^^But all these ppl try to solve it in different ways/for different reasons that im too lazy to type out individually, u can see it right??

Some see this as an ancient scholarly code thing, some of them think of it like a rlly hard puzzle, and some just rlly want to put the mental effort into knowing/not being left out 😭😭

And if anybody happens to see some letter exchanges w/ Lumine or like any written responses, you do not. stop. using. text slang. back to back.

(Like what u put in the ask💀)

And its so miserable for those characters mentioned especially, bc they look like scrambled letters 😭

Honestly them seeing u two talk to each other via letters just proves that the letters even mean anything at all to them, bc how did u understand each other, otherwise???!!

(No one would ever realize u guys were fucking around unless u told them 💀)

✨️Sorry✨️this✨️isnt✨️that✨️great✨️i✨️just✨️wanted✨️ to✨️ expand✨️ on✨️ what ✨️u ✨️already ✨️had ✨️nothing ✨️new✨️ 🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️

I felt feral and out of it when i wrote this, i literally dont remember a single word i typed on that bullet list..

SO i still have asks/requests im gonna answer but i will be posting my follower event poll!! CLICK ME :) ♡

Yall get to choose what i write about for some posts :D

(You can be a new follower!)

✨️

BTW

UR SO BIG BRAIN SMART 2ND RANDOM U EVEN THOUGHT ABT TEYVATIAN LETTERS GETTING INCLUDED ADHJSLALASLL

WHAT A GENIUS

I hope my shit writing was somewhat ok of a reply to read to pay u back for that great idea lol

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds

@karmawonders

#2nd random u just wanna be a public menace i stg #gen z slang/phrases r so dramatic #genshin impact #ask box open #my asks #genshin sagau #sagau #genshin imagines #genshin sagau ideas #gender neutral reader #please send asks #genshin scenarios #genshin god reader #genshin isekai #genshin noelle #noelle x reader

558 notes · View notes

berylcups · 2 months

Note

I feel bad because this is my 3rd ask in less than 24 hrs, lmao 😭 anyway... I think u said you had pt.3 brainrot rn? Me too lmaoo, could you do hcs of the crusaders with an s/o who's standing kinda works like Wanda's powers from Marvel? I think that would be dope asf, tyty!!! 🩵

Hey sorry for the long wait! I assumed you meant Wanda from the MCU cannon so that’s what I based readers power off of since her powers are kinda vagueish. (Telekinesis and mind control) I hope this is what you have had in mind-if not please forgive me 😭😭😭 (it’s been forever since I watched a marvel movie…I think Black Panther was the last one? Damn that’s a long time ago!)

SDC X Reader who has powers like Wanda

CW: poopoo mention? Idk nothing really! But be forewarned- I love toilet humor and so does Araki it seems lmao

Notes: I based this off of the MCU Wanda and her powers. I did some research just to make xtra sure since my Marvel knowledge is a lil rusty! But I hope everyone enjoys!

Joseph

“Next you’ll say—I’m going to take control of your body gramps! …wait hold on a minute.”

He’s amused by your abilities! He wants to see you take control of poor bystanders or his grandson and make them do harmless embarrassing things. Silly things like doing a stupid dance, picking their nose, farting loudly in public, just really crude juvenile behavior. You think with him being the oldest he would act the most mature!

Jotaro

“…Stay out of my head bitch/bastard.” He grumbled.

He acts all cool and collected, unaffected by the power of your stand. But internally he’s sweating buckets. The ability to mind control and move objects is a very valuable ability. He’s happy you’re an ally and not one of Dios minions…but if you are, he’s willing to take you on! But he’s going to have to think hard on how to find and exploit your weaknesses!

He really wants to see you in action. Taking control of Steely Dan would have taken a lot of stress out of the whole lovers debacle.

Kakyoin

He thinks your abilities are cool! He’s actually really excited but is too shy to show it. He likes how you can control minds, Hierophant green can control bodies like puppets too. 🙂 it makes him feel good to have something in common with someone.

He does wonder if you can use your telekinesis to play video games or if it takes more concentration to do so… it seems like a good experiment to test out for him! (And me too… I wanna play my switch without having to worry about joycon drift 🥲)

Avdol

Magical! He’s intrigued! He would love to test your limits and help you hone your skills.

He wonders how strong of will you can take control of and how much weight you can carry with your telekinesis.

“My will is strong and my mind is clear. Just try and take control of me!”

Polnareff

“Mind control and telekinesis?! Niiiice. There’s so many things I need you to do!”

He respects your powers and he means well but… he really wants to see you use your powers for shits and giggles.

He wants to see you manipulate objects in front of nonstand users and take control of others minds to make it seem like they are being haunted.

“Tell the madame she’s forever doomed if she doesn’t date the beautiful man with the perfectly styled hair!”

…Don’t do it. He needs to earn love the RIGHT way 😅

Iggy

“Im just a dog. What are you expecting from me???”

*farts*

If you use telekinesis to pick him up he’s gonna PANIC 😱 here we come—Flying Dog!!!

Please fly him above Polnareff so he can fulfill his dream of shitting on his head like a bird. And so he can get revenge on all the other birds that shit on him by shitting back.

He will be your best friend ever after that. No joke. You got yourself a new dog.

#jjba pt 3 #jojo sdc x reader #jjba sdc x reader #oldseph X reader #joseph joestar x reader #jotaro kujo x reader #noriaki kakyoin x reader #avdol x reader #polnareff x reader #jjba iggy

22 notes · View notes

myreygn · 2 months

Text

Hell's Paradise brainrot is strong and there are no tickle headcanons for the Yamada Asaemon so tadaa

disclaimer: anime only here, so this won't include Jikka, Shugen, Gagaimo or Tsumutsumu

forgive my audacity @giggly-squiggily but you're my hell's paradise friendo so i'm tagging you

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

Yamada Asaemon Eizen

Eizen mein löwe mein bär

doesn't often get involved in tickle shenanigans because he's above that childish nonsense

except when he's not

mostly a ler simply because no one dares to go after him, especially the younger Asaemon are terrified that he just. would not react.

when Eizen steps in it usually means an end to the tickle fight, he'll just grab the culprits and dig into their spots like "Are you gonna behave now?"

not much of a teaser, he'll just straight up go for the kill to 'get it over with'

might give some light cheer up tickles to his favorite students if they really really need it, Sagiri and Senta frequently fell victim to this when they were younger

Shion is the only one who tickles him in private to comfort him or calm him down, it's a rare occasion tho and happens less and less as time passes

he's not that ticklish overall but his ribs and armpits will definitely get a few good cackles out of him and rumor has it Shion even got him to snort once

Yamada Asaemon Shion

the man the myth the legend

you'd think he'd be just as reserved as Eizen but no. oh no.

an absolute tickle monster and a force to be reckoned with

he loves messing with the younger Asaemon by squeezing their sides as he walks by and then pretend like nothing happened and it never fails to make them lose it because it's always out of nowhere

definitely the type to give his students cheer up tickles when they're feeling down

also switches from "try landing a hit on me" to "try tickling me" when they're getting too frustrated about not landing a hit

they also never manage to tickle him but they don't get a chance to be frustrated about that because Shion gets them every time

literally impossible to sneak up on

he's always prepared when someone attacks him and thus everyone has yet to find out that his neck is rather sensitive

Tenza has made it his life's mission to successfully tickle Shion and Shion is thoroughly entertained by the increasingly ridiculous schemes Tenza comes up with to catch him off guard

Yamada Asaemon Senta

on his own Senta is fairly harmless and rather easy to take down compared to his comrades

he's ticklish pretty much anywhere on his upper body, his shoulder blades being his worst spot

the others like to drag him into tickle fights when they think he's distancing himself too much, they sneak up on him when he's spending his break sitting alone and reading instead of eating with them

Sagiri and Tenza are usually the instigators of this and sometimes Kisho joins in to 'show them how it's done'

Senta always squeaks and protests but he doesn't really mind the playful tickles and enjoys goofing off with the others like this

in a group tho? when he's not the one being ganged up on? run.

he's knows everyone's spots and he's keeping NOTES

even the people he's never seen get tickled before, he just straight up deduced their spots from simply observing them

willing to rat out absolutely everyone for a rice ball, this man has zero fucks to give

Eizen actively pays him in calligraphy utensils so Senta won't tell Genji about that awful spot on his lowest rib

Yamada Asaemon Genji

tries to act all stern and serious when a tickle fight breaks out but then someone dares to poke his side and bro is locked in

within the blink of an eye he turns into a pro tickle monster, he has these long arms that are perfect to grab those who are trying to run away

he easily pins down like three people at once and he knows absolutely no mercy, none

just like everything else he takes tickling way too seriously but he has a good sense for when it's enough and always makes sure he doesn't cross any lines

he completely abandons his stoic facade too while wrecking someone and when he's called out on it, he claims it was just to teach his victim a lesson and to strengthen their stamina

no matter how much fun he's having, he won't ever admit it

except when everybody gangs up on him the next day to get him back, then he might be convinced to give in

that's gonna take a lot of effort, despite being pretty ticklish, mainly on his stomach and hips, he can take a lot

also recovers within like three seconds, so whoever dares to tickle him doesn't get much of a headstart, which is why they only do it in a group - if they do, he'll usually go after Fuchi or Tenza and everyone else is safe for now

Yamada Asaemon Fuchi

an absolute menace

"Did you know that this spot tends to be especially sensitive since a lot of nerve endings run together there? Here, let me show you..."

used to have a purely scientific interest in tickle fights, he'd observe everyone's reactions and take notes, doing whole studies on what exactly causes the body to react to the sensation the way it does

after a while he decides he wants to test his own theories and the next time a tickle fight breaks out between Tenza, Sagiri and Genji, he just jumps in and voilà, all of his theories prove to be correct

with the surprise effect on his side and his surperior and super unfair knowledge of the human body, he's surprisingly dangerous despite his height disadvantage

also he's quick, he always wriggles out of grips and dodges all kinds of attacks

the worst part is that he came to find that on top of being very interesting, tickle fights are also fun and he'll just start them out of nowhere if he's bored

people are NOT save, however if they do actually manage to catch him he can easily be brought down by going for his feet

Genji likes holding him up by the ankle to tickle him there and sometimes Fuchi will even willingly surrender to test his theories on himself

Yamada Asaemon Tenza

if Fuchi is a menace, this guy is a nightmare

80% of tickle fights are started by Tenza and 95% of tickle fights are also lost by Tenza

which ofc does not stop Tenza from starting more tickle fights

they're just so much fun and whenever they take a break during training, he's so pumped up from all the adrenaline that he just has to put his energy somewhere

Sagiri is usually the first one he goes for and then it completely escalates as more and more people get involved

he also frequently goes after Genji when he thinks he's being too serious, or Senta and Fuchi when he thinks they're too wrapped up in their books

his favorite victim is Kisho tho, he likes 'turning that frown upside down' and Kisho can't even begin to describe how much he hates that phrase

the downside of all of this is that Tenza is probably the most ticklish out of all the Asaemon and to his great dismay everyone knows exactly where his weakest spots are (his knees kill him)

he always has to keep up his guard around Shion (not that it does anything at the end of the day) and he's a frequent victim of getting ganged up on because people want to take revenge on him

Eizen tickled him once to get him to back off and it spooked him so much that he stopped attacking people for a whole month

Yamada Asaemon Kisho

a shit stirrer, first and foremost

pretends to be annoyed and look down on his comrade's 'silly antics' but really he is probably the worst of them all

the guy to watch someone get tickled and then walk up to them like "Are you really gonna let them do that to you? Don't you wanna get revenge?"

he just loves to add fuel to the fire, he's always lurking around and whispering into people's ears like the little devil on their shoulder

however, he'll 100% get involved if anyone challenges him or claims that his tickling technique is uneffective

spoiler alert, it's extremely effective

unfortunately he's not as sneaky as he thinks he's being and when they're finally done with his bullshit, Senta rats out all of his spots for free

he's very susceptible to the "Don't!" - "Don't what?" and he hates how it really works every bloody time

Tenza tickles him the most and as soon as he's done, Kisho will walk up to Genji and tell him that Tenza made fun of him or smth and then watch from a dark corner how Tenza gets wrecked

don't be fooled by his high horse tho, one squeeze to his hips and he's toast

Yamada Asaemon Sagiri

Sagiri my sun and stars

really needs the tickle fights to loosen up every now and then, it especially helps her to calm down when she's overthinking

is secretly a little grateful to be included whenever Tenza randomly attacks her, she'd never admit that to him tho

used to be really shy about getting tickled in front of the older Asaemon but she learned to have fun no matter who's watching

that being said, she always apologizes for goofing around too much during the breaks in between practice

always gets irritated when the guys go easy on her, Genji especially will sometimes stop wrecking her because he 'can't treat a lady like this' and whenever that happens she strikes back immediately until the tickle fight continues properly

wishes Eizen would still tickle her because it was always just a nice moment between them but she's also too anxious to try and instigate it

likes tickling Senta the most because it's always fun and chill

her sides are her worst spot and Tenza always sneaks up behind her and squeezes which always makes her shriek

during tickle fights is probably the loudest she ever gets

always checks up on people while tickling them so she doesn't overstep any boundaries

#might be ooc #idc i'm on brainrot i need them #rey writes #headcanons #tickle hcs #tword hcs #hell's paradise #jigokuraku #yamada asaemon clan #yamada asaemon eizen #yamada asaemon shion #yamada asaemon senta #yamada asaemon genji #yamada asaemon fuchi #yamada asaemon tenza #yamada asaemon kisho #yamada asaemon sagiri #if i have to type yamada asaemon one more time i'm gonna burn down a house

21 notes · View notes

fatuismooches · 9 months

Note

I’ll give you a funny brainrot idea I had of mine.

wholesome omegaverse stuff(nothing nsfw, just casual), so hear me out okay.

Imagine Fragile!Reader being an alpha and Dottore an omega. And due to that, Fragile!Reader just sometimes argues and fights even though their body can’t handle it with their nature of being an alpha going against their illness and Dottore just grabbing and dragging them away for snuggles to calm their little sickly alpha down.. I’m confident it’s the last thing everyone expects, and Dottore either way is still the aggressive man he is. Except he actually acts like an omega with all the snuggles he does with Fragile!Reader.. It’s sort of a balance, and Fragile!Reader acts docile like an omega because of their illness on bad days.. imagine the segments getting involved, like some big snuggle pile HAHA—

Also another note: Dottore and [Name] doing a blanket burrito together. Bam.

Your thoughts on this??

AWW 😭😭 (I honestly don't know much about the omegaverse but this? I approve of IT'S SUPER CUTE!!) It's very funny to think of both roles... fragile reader naturally trying to be dominant but your illness (sometimes) stops you from doing so, Dottore being cocky and aggressive as usual but he can't help but fall into his submissive ways when you're around!! For all of his confidence at the end of the day, you're an Alpha, he's your Omega. Ahh you two are definitely an unusual pair, fulfilling where the other lacks depending on the situation!!

Perhaps some people don't even know he's an Omega due to his personality, he only shows that side of himself when he's around you. You're the only one who knows because he's on his knees for you in private and begging for attention (having to act differently in public is very annoying sometimes.) He still very much enjoys it when you're docile to him because, despite being an Omega it does wonders for his and the segments' ego. The snuggle pile 100% happens, you don't even need to order them, they'll cuddle you before you can even ask. Submissively burying their face into the soft parts of your body, begging for your attention and gentle strokes. :3 (please forgive me for any wrong info, I'm not very knowledgeable 💔)

AND THE BLANKET BURRITO!! RAHHH!! I imagine you definitely used to trap Dottore in them in the Akademiya... :) Because he would wake up at ungodly hours to continue working. Like no my love, you're going to stay here cuddling even if force has to be used. Zandik struggles in the beginning... but you and the blanket are too strong and warm... fine, he'll stay here for just a bit longer, he grumbles about how his whole day's schedule is put off now (but he can't deny how nice it feels to snuggle with you like this) (he still reprimands you but you keep doing it anyway and it gets him every time)

And doing a blanket burrito with the segments too!! One on each side of you holding you... ahh it'd be so warm and fuzzy!! :( You would literally sleep so soundly. Explosion in the lab? Nah you're sleeping peacefully in your blanket burrito with your bfs :3

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #ahhh i would love to have him wrapped in my blanket #love this also bc i love reader being having more power/control than dottore 😭 (even if they're still sick)#dottore gets even more attracted to u when ur do/minant byeee he loves seeing you put others in their place

57 notes · View notes

loving-delusions · 1 year

Text

SAMS Lunar headcannon <3

I'm putting it under the cut bc there's blood and talk of killing and murder and yadda yadda.. I got kind of carried away/descriptive with it at the end tho :(

also i made a lil drawing of it but it's pretty cartoonish, but still, blood <3

and a smidge of dynamic between the Blood twins and Lunar :)

Okay so! This little headcannon was just made in my lil brain moments ago so forgive me if i got some parts wrong but then again this is a headcannon and im just some random guy online brainrotting over a fictional character

As we all know, Eclipse made Lunar since Eclipse didn't like Bloodmoon very much. Bloody was too violent for him (apparently.) so he made Lunar (hooray for the creation of our lil guy yaayyy~)

But I've been thinking

What if Eclipse still gave Lunar some form of violent-ish tendencies that Bloody has? Sure, it's not very visible or maybe Lunar just has better control of this ability

But since Eclipse never really seemed to mention this to Lunar (maybe from fear that Lunar would end up like Bloody), Lunar never really got to use his ability or acknowledge this want to kill since he isn't made to be very violent, like how Bloody was

But timeskip somewhere to when Lunar and Bloody got pretty close, maybe when he was able to give Bloody their own body, he decided that:

Yeah sure, he could come with and watch what Bloody is really doing when they kill people or hobos in the street (like what Lunar said lmfao)

And that's when it would click, i think

The moments when he'd watch the twins kill and mutilate someone over and over and over again, he'd grow some sort of fascination with it.

There's, like, this sense of curiousity, as morbid as it is

But then again, I never thought Lunar as all goody two shoes or even lawful good.

He would then come along and just watch from the sidelines, never actually participating in Bloody's little activity, but he is thinking and is brewing some thoughts in that little head of his

But when Bloody says something when they don't actually like killing and is just driven by the unwanted need for it and wants to do it less even with how much it pains them, Lunar would respect that ofc

At the end of the day, Lunar still sees Bloody as family and still shows care and concern (or whatever other familial feelings) for the guy

But he couldn't help but think about killing people, and just rewind the lil recorded memories of him watching Bloody out in the street while he stood a few feet away

dark red splattered on the pavement

the humans just seeing him behind Bloody and yelling at him for help before getting dragged back to the red animatronic

the strong metallic smell of the blood

Lunar couldn't help but smile at the thought :)

#rambles #more sun and moon show rambles #sams lunar #lunar sams #the sun and moon show #sun and moon show lunar #sun and moon show #bloodmoon sams #sams bloodmoon #bloodmoon twins #sun and moon show bloodmoon #i was thinking particularly Violent Thoughts and thought to myself #you know what? im gonna project these into one of my kins #and here we are #Lunar is the equivalent of “Oh He's A Little Fucked Up Actually” meme to me

82 notes · View notes

maochira · 1 year

Note

Ughhh cannot stop thinking about big bro barouuuu and his teenage sibling who is lazyyy and hates cleaning their room so their somehow “encouraging” barou to clean their room and he ends up doing it and won’t stop bitching about it later so we bake cookies for him to shut upppppp

I WAS ABOUT TO WRITE ANOTHER REQUEST AND THEN SAW A NOTIFICATION TO THIS ASK I JUST HAD TO WRITE IT IMMEDIATELY. THE BIG BRO BAROU BRAINROT SO STRONG RN I SWEAR

Requests open! - current writing event - masterlist

Tags: gn!younger sibling!reader, a bit of swearing

"Oh my fucking god." Barou says as he enters your room. "What the actual fuck."

"It's not that bad." You roll your eyes at him and lie back down on your bed.

Your big brother groans in annoyance. "It's more than 'that bad'. How can you live like this? It's awful." He points at the pile of clothes on the floor. "Put it in the laundry basket right fucking now." He instructs in a strict voice.

"Huh? Those are clean clothes I haven't put into my closet yet."

"This can't be real." Barou gets more and more frustrated. He grabs your arm to pull you out of bed. "Clean your mess. Right now."

"But that's exhausting..." You whine like a child to tease your brother a little. "How about you help me?" You suggest, trying to hide your grin.

Barou takes another glance at your room. "Without my help, you wouldn't even be able to clean up anything anyways. Your room looks awful."

And that's how you got your brother to help you. From the moment you asked him to help, your intention has been to let him do everything. But you knew he wouldn't do that if you straight up asked him to do it on his own.

Although, you know how to get him to do it. You keep being too slow or doing things in the wrong ways, knowing they will frustrate Barou so he ends up doing those things.

And just when he throws the last piece of trash into the bin, he notices you sitting on your bed with your phone in your hand. And then he realizes he did pretty much all of the work.

In anger, he snatches the phone out of your hand and yells at you. "I can't believe you used me like this! Don't expect me to ever clean your messes again!"

Before you get the chance to answer, Barou throws your phone on your lap and storms out of the room. You call after him, but he ignores you.

That gets you thinking about the entire situation. Sure, your brother is the one who always complains about your messes, but they're your messes, so they're your responsibilities. You start feeling bad for using Barou like that, so you think about ways to apologize.

Apologizing with words doesn't feel enough. He put so much effort into cleaning your room, you feel a strong urge to put effort into something as well.

You don't know what to do, though. You try really hard to come up with something because even a day later the two of you can't be in the same room without him bitching about how you used him like a maid to clean your room.

You've had arguments a handful of times, but he's never been as resentful as he is now. Not only do you feel bad about it, but his complaining also starts getting on your nerves.

Another day later, while Barou is at soccer practice, you decide to bake his favourite cookies as an apology, hoping he will accept that.

He comes home earlier than you expected him to, so he walks in on you cleaning the kitchen from the mess you've made while baking.

"Look who can clean up their own mess,"" Barou says in a condescending tone. "If only you would have done that with your room."

"Listen, I'm sorry." You tell him.

"That doesn't make it better."

"Do cookies make it better?"

That catches Barou a bit off guard. "What?" For the first time since entering the kitchen, he takes a look at the oven.

"I made your favourite cookies. You know... as an apology."

Barou sighs and chuckles a little. "Alright, I forgive you." He ruffles your hair before he continues speaking. "I can't be mad at you for that long anyways. Even if you're an annoying little shit sometimes."

#bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock #blue lock x you #shouei barou #barou shouei #blue lock barou #bllk barou #shouei barou x reader #shouei barou x you #barou x you #barou x reader

114 notes · View notes

vertumnanaturalis · 1 month

Text

so uh. arts not been arting for me the last few months, lots of complicated issues at play with that, but my exo brainrot is unending and I've taken to designing npcs in the sims when I feel the design need but art is shrimply not happening. These ones are of varying degrees of canon-ness and importance, pretty frequently picked at random or because I previously made a family member or partner of theirs.

I tried to group them together by family or age or work relation but god does Tumblr not like large images so forgive me for the spam. I'll add names/pronouns/relevant ages under them; Strato-side kids closest to Sol's age will have 3 designs, each while Strato-side teenagers between Tammy and Kom's ages will have 2 each.

Under the cut if you dare (warning! Spoilers mentioned & extremely image heavy)

Also uh. you will notice that a few of these people aren't on the current npc list or don't match with it's info. Long story short its getting some refining and that included some new kids and other changes that required a lot of pulling things out from the roots. one of those things playing into why arts not been arting while.

Anywho;

Arroyo - he/him - ages 12 / 16 / 19 - The younger son of the Stratospheric's original Chief Steward, a future member of expeditions, a convienient and accidental scape goat for people to reason away Dys's crush on an unseen pretty boy, though they don't actually have any strong opinions on one another

Simplicity "Plic"/"Lis" - she/her - ages 12 / 16 / 19 - Lazy girl born and raised in the creche, supposedly she helps out in the depot, she might "date" Nomi down the line (but by date I mean "we say we're dating but I think we might just be hanging out because neither of us know what to want or expect from a romantic relationship", there's no hard feelings after it ends) if Nomi doesn't end up with Rex or Sol

Peregrine "Penny" - she/her - ages 11 / 15 / 18 - A perfectly nice girl, but fades away in the crowd, she likes to tease the other kids a little too much, one of the passionate romances referenced in the endings where Cal doesn't settle down with Sol Tammy or Anemone, it is not a pretty breakup

Evanescence "Evan" - he/him - ages 11 / 15 / 18 - The spoiled only child of two older parents, a prolific momma's boy in childhood but a heartthrob with a bad reputation later down the line, another one of those passionate romances mentioned in Cal's ending text, with his being the last before Cal settles down with the farmer from the Heliopause

Philosophy "Sully" - they/them - ages 10 / 14 / 17 - The only child of a single father who works in engineering, loves a good game of sportsball but has no interest in the rest of what the garrison offers, the middle of Cal's three passionate romances and the only one to end on good terms

Opulence "Opal" - she/her - ages 14 / 19 - Friendly and absentminded, she can never resist a good piece of gossip, she dreams of starting Vertumna's first offical news source, her oldest child is born about a year after Echinacea (and Sol might even deliver him!)

Vertex "Tex" - he/him - ages 14 / 19 - The older son of the ship's original Chief Steward, a punk who likes to get dangerous with the wildlife and a tendancy to take things too far

Tempest "Pem" - she/her & they/them - ages 13 / 18 - Rebellious older girl whos behaviors only gotten worse since losing a father during the Stratospheric's crash, rude and obnoxious to the adults but always has a soysweet on hand for the kids

Chrysocolla - they/them - ages 13 / 18 - creche-born kid and resident class clown, the smart kid who doesn't put in the effort after seeing the younger geniuses around them, takes a painfully long time to confess to their best friend

Coriander "Cory" - he/him - ages 13 / 18 - Quiet and plain-looking boy who helps out in the kitchens, he struggles to stand out next to his sisters, feeling like the lesser triplet for not being identical

Scallopini "Pina" - she/her - ages 13 / 18 - A cheerful girl who both has more energy than the rest of her family combined while still remaining total chillax, started dying her hair blue so people could tell her and her sister apart

Amaretto "Ame" - she/her - ages 13 / 18 - A meek but passionate girl, she feels like she was born in her sisters contrast, struggles to find her sense of self when the most unique thing about her is that she's got nothing unique at all

Falchion "Kion" - he/him - ages 13 / 18 - Teenager who seems desperate to find his place in life, often making dangerous mistakes in the process

[Left] Hyacinth "Cici" - she/her - age 17 - A young sniper from the Heliopause, the future Chief of Security in timelines where Sol and Anemone are not and Vace hasn't handled his issues yet

[Right] Lunation "Luna" - she/her - age 19 - Previously the Heliopause's current doctor-in-training, a catastrophic brain injury during the crash has drastically changed her life and put her on indefinate medical leave

[Far Left] Champagne "Champ" - he/him - age 9 - a young boy who starts out eager to grow up and become a soldier, but might find a different calling in life with help [Middle Left] Schnapps - he/him - age 40 - A cook from the Helio who takes the culture shock better than most, has a weekly card game with Nomi's dad [Middle] Crocus "Cro" - she/her - 38 - A cook from the Heliopause who prays in secret that her children do not die child soldiers [Middle right] Affogato "Affie" - she/her - age 13 - One of the teenage soldiers who follows Vace around, she's desperate to impress the older kids and will cruelly treat others like stepping stones to do so [Far Right] Meringue "Meri" - she/her - age 6 - The last child born on the Heliopause, she's destined to become a doctor when she grows up, she first gained an interest in medicine during gene therapy like Tangent

[Left] Harpsicord "Harrie" - They/them - 51 - An actual rocket scientist that ensured the rocketship got to Vertumna, Saga's doting wife and Evan's adoring Mada

[Right] Sagacious "Saga" - She/her - 46 - A sweet and loving auntie from geoponics who remains painfully oblivious to most well-known gossip, her casual tendancy to spoil and coddle her son drives Flulu up a wall

[Far left] Hibiscus "Hibi" - she/her - 35 - One of the surveyors in charge of rescues and it's acting emt, a control subject born from the same series of augment tests as Tonin, she's suited more to space than the planet the same way he is, Vertumna terrifies her daily and she fears for the futures of her teenage triplets

[Center left] Rumination "Rumi" - he/him - 46 - A talented guitar player who enjoys lying to children and is in a committed relationship with the bit, works in rescues with Hibi, holds the technical title of "Former Chief Surveyor" as he was the presumed next-in-line when Imbroglio abbruptly retired a decade prior, although he only held it long enough to laugh himself sick and walk out the door, he's the sole reason Utopia's accent is like that

[Center right] Paprika "Prika" - she/her - 37 - Mechanic in charge of expeditions equiptment and transports, has a hair trigger temper with certain subjects and a habit of spraying offending teenagers with the hose, the irony of her student/trainee Thicket being the biological-via-donation child of her partner and later her own biological-via-donation child joining expeditions are both frequent source of jokes for awhile

[Far right] Brassica "Braz" - she/her - 39 - One of the construction workers who had trained for that job specifically, has a lot of pratice mediating problems that her partner's anger issues cause, got on the ship by pretending to be in a relationship with a friend and convieniently "breaking up" once it was clear they were never going to form a family unit

[Far left] Revolutionary "Lulu" - she/her - age 28 - primarily a geoponics farmer, an on and off member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule, in a queer platonic relationship with Blip

[Middle left] Sorbet - she/her & they/them - age 27 - a steward who primarily works in the kitchens, another on and off member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule; she was the egg donor and surrogate for Benji (the young doggy boy npc)

[Center left] Habitation "Hab" - he/him - age 26 - one of the ships dedicated creche parents; part of a closed chain polycule of 4 people (no overlap with the greater geoponics area wlw polycule); loves his job but resents ship administration for passing him and his family unit over during the last round of children born in space, yet making him feel pressured into agreeing to surrogate one of the other children

[Center right] Oblivion "Blip" - he/him - age 26 - an engineer in space but shoved into more general work after landing; loves his best friend but her polycule stories scare him a little, you will never see his entire face, but if you did he could easily pass as Dys & Tang's relative despite not being related at all, the fourth youngest person to leave on the Stratospheric

[Middle right] Optimism "Tim" - he/him - age 26 - stuck to janitor duty in space but also shoved into other jobs after landing, one of the few people guaranteed to live to Sol's 20th birthday, the third youngest person to leave on the Stratospheric

[Far right] Jubilation "Jubee" - she/her - age 26 - same deal as Blip; she was the surrogate for the last child born in space (Enigma, the girl with the rainbow hair), and is still recovering physically and emotionally when the game starts; her twin sister Jamboree died before she left, but only one of them was ever going to be picked for the ship, she can't remember her sister's face anymore; the second youngest member of gen 2 after Utopia

[Far left] Coralline "Cora" - she/her - age 28 - the ships fourth dedicated creche parent on paper, she's frequently pulled to help on the farms after landing, a consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Center left] Pyromania "Sparky" - she/her & they/them - 29 - Originally just a part time security officer, her soldier duties quickly begin outweighing her cultivator ones, she started dying her hair like that when she found out the meaning of her name and keeps it another month every time someone calls it tacky, it's been 12 years; another consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Center right] Curarine "Curie" - she/her & they/them - 32 - A pharmacology researcher doomed by the narrative, the youngest person on the Stratospheric chosen for her skills rather than genetic diversity, she quickly disapointed Instance with her undriven personality, another consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Far right] Unity "Nita" - she/her - age 31 - The only one here who exclusively works in geoponics, she was four seperate farming wlw until the latest revamp forced me to compress her down into one, the last consistant member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule

[Left] Mangosteen "Maggie" - she/her - age 30 - Maggie's death when the Strato lands is unavoidable (as her infant twins Whimsy and Praline fill the role of "orphans from the wormhole crash" during babysitting), once a frequent member of the greater geoponics area wlw polycule but had been avoiding the dating scene after a really messy & very public breakup of her throuple with Yuzu and Cinnamon, she was a creche parent and a hydroponics farmer on the ship

[Right] Yuzu - any pronouns - age 31 - Yuzu doesn't 100% use the term wlw but does work in geoponics and either is currently or has previously been dating the same overlapping circle (though they've also been avoiding dating, but mostly because the rest of the polycule "doesn't want to pick sides"), they avoid Maggie's children like the plague

and that would be it for tonight lads, it is now night'o'clock and my hands are starting to hurt, I think I got all the right info down but if not I'll fix it tomorrow or whenever I notice theres a problem. If you've gotten this far I hope you've had fun looking at some of my little guys

#i was a teenage exocolonist #iwatex #npc catalog #rambling #technically. i guess.#recently made myself a sheet and out of 232ish characters over a third of them have some level of design now #which is insane to me. can't imagine how that number looks to other people #also no. these are not all of the sims designs I've done. but they are all the ones cropped and compiled nicely. so.#the last few days have been a sims binge fest #my family had to put down one of our cats a few days ago and its been hard even though it was the right thing to do and I knew it was comin #so mixing an ultra familiar game like sims and my hyperfixation story has been soothing #I'm gonna go to bed now I don't wanna think about how long I spent on this post

6 notes · View notes

saorling · 1 year

Text

Can a bird with clipped wings ever fly again?

Fandom: Blackstar Theater Starless

Characters: Rindou x f!Reader

Word count: 3400

Summary: These displays, harimise, were your primary, and sometimes only guide through the unfamiliar streets. That is, until you heard an all too familiar voice.

“You over there”, the moment you looked in the direction of the voice, you knew who he was talking to. “If you don’t mind, would you like to give me some of your time this evening?”

One moment you were frozen in your tracks, the other you flocked to harimise, walking as fast as you can to not appear impatient. It was him. It was Rindou, of that there was no doubt. But, at the same time, it was not him. It was Rindou the hokan.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50690797/chapters/128052910

Chapter: 1/??

Notes: Yoshiwara AU. The brainrot was too strong. The reader is assumed to be female or female-presenting because strict gender norms of the Edo period make writing for female and male reader very different due to various limitations and expectations.

It was supposed to be a simple, casual outing with your friends. A walk through the town filled with idle chatting while running errands for your families.

It was supposed to be another ordinary day. Then, how did it turn to this?

“— ah, by the way!” you knew this line all too well. Whenever your friend said it, it could mean only one thing. More gossip. Some people liked it way too much for your liking, and with her, it could not be anything good.

When you had heard the rest, you wish you were wrong this time.

“Did you hear?” dramatic pauses always were her trademark, “That green-eyed performer has been spotted in Yoshiwara!”

“Is that so?.. But aren’t performers a common occasion there?”

“Oh no”, you did not like the glint in her eyes, “it may be common for others, but not for him.”

You did not like where this was going. Still, you could not help but ask, cautiousness evident in your voice. She could not possibly mean him, right?

“What do you mean?”

“I’m glad you asked!” and, at this moment, you felt the opposite. “I saw him on display when I went there with my father. Rindou, was it? I must confess, he was certainly pleasing to the eye… ah, wait—!”

It couldn’t be. It simply was not possible. He was a famous, revered performer, right? He had dozens of patrons, including your father. He could not just be there. He could not. It had to be a mistake, right? It could be anyone but him, surely. Your friend did not see his performances, so she wouldn’t know…

You didn’t hear her calling your name. Thoughts rapidly racing in your head, you could only hurry home, errands forgotten, and all noises blocked out.

Your father— he would know for sure.

“… Father”, you opened the shoji quietly, as was taught to you countless times, but your breathless voice betrayed your hurried return, careful as you were to fix your disheveled appearance and stick to every unwritten rule.

Alas, your father knew you all too well.

“I see that something has hastened your return, daughter”, his voice was even, tone and every word measured, but you could see it in his eyes — concern and a hint of disapproval — ladies did not hasten, after all. Never. “What is it?”

You shifted and immediately sunk into a deep bow. Respect for the head of the family was a given, as was an apology for when he was displeased.

“Forgive me, Father”, you waited, you counted and took deep breaths. One, two, three… on ten you rose back into a sitting position, voice steady and calm, your posture as perfect as it could be. “My friend… Mr. Hokari’s — the painter’s — daughter, mentioned that she happened to see a certain green-eyed performer in…” you took a steadying breath. Mentioning Yoshiwara was not a taboo, per se, but it was not a place that should have been named by the lady easily. And, more than that, you felt a lump in your throat, as if your very body was against accepting the idea of him ending up there.

Your father sat there silently, watching. Waiting. Like he was checking if you dared to say it, and the act did nothing to ease your suspicions.

“Mr. Rindou… is it true that he became a part of Yoshiwara?”

There. You said it. There was a prickling sensation in your eyes, and you quickly blinked it away. You could not. Not now.

Your father hummed and closed his eyes in silent contemplation. He pretended to not notice the small gesture, and you were grateful. However, the fact that he did not deny your words outright could only mean one thing. After all, no patron would calmly listen to the word of defamation directed at their beneficiary.

“… you should refrain from mentioning his name freely now”, the father’s voice was low, but even. “He was accused of an affair with an official’s concubine. The mistress fell out of favor and sought consolation in the arms of a young performer. As a punishment, both were sent to the pleasure district.”

It was ridiculous.

“But Mr. Rindou—”

“The Heavens have spoken, child”, the father’s voice became louder, cutting yours mid-sentence. “He has been found guilty, and Heavens do not lie. A man can become weak in front of the prettiest of flowers. He was not an exception, and the price was paid for it.”

It was, of course, right. Father was not wrong about the last part. However, Rindou— the performer Rindou that you knew was gentle and polite, but distant. He would not sacrifice his career for a night of pleasure, of that you were sure.

There had to be more than what was said. And for that, you had to meet him.

“The Heavens may have spoken, Father”, your voice was quiet, but composed. It was not easy to win against the head of the house and to do so, you have to utilize every bit of your wit and knowledge, “but I would rather see a wilted plant than a pretty flower*.”

“Not seeing is a flower, huh?” your father looked at you, measuring your form with his steady, hardened gaze. You could not dare look him in the eye, but you met his silent judgment with grace and poise. You believed in your words, and you showed it in the only way that was possible.

Calm, but unwavering, like a strong tree that stands still against the strongest winds.

One minute turned into two, two into three… you’ve kept your posture, slightly bowing in a silent request as the wordless standoff with the father continued. His gaze was just as hard as it was moments ago, and you could only hope you were clever enough to avoid confrontation and nudge his thoughts in the right direction.

Hope you were loved just a bit too much by him to allow what you wished to accomplish.

“… very well”, he sighed, turning his head to one of the smaller doors. “Eijiro, you will accompany her to visit the performer. Watch them both so they don’t do anything… unbecoming.”

As if on cue, a young boy appeared, bowing to your father first, and then you.

“Yes, Master”, with quiet footsteps the boy reached your side and waited for your audience to be finished to complete his Master’s orders.

The judging, steely gaze has now softened, and you felt that you could rise now that the pressure lessened.

“Seeing as you are willing to listen to the voice of reason, I will allow you to visit him and see the truth for yourself”, your father paused and took a moment to write a note he then gave to a servant along with a money pouch. “You will be free to go in and out of the district with this. However—”

You waited with a bated breath.

“You are to take no longer than ten bu** at most.”

“I understand, Father”. It was a fair and just condition, you thought. And, perhaps, you would not even need ten bu. After all, you just needed to confirm. To know the truth.

“Then, you are free to go.”

“Thank you, Father”, bowing one more time, you rose and opened the door. Thankfully, the evening was near, and you did not have to wait for long.

As you walked out, the servant boy followed suit.

The great gates of Yoshiwara felt imposing to the newcomers. To men and women alike, it often felt like they were separating two different worlds.

To you, it was no different.

Where the regular patrons came flocking towards the bright-lit streets not unlike butterflies flew towards the flames, you stood still, frozen by the view in front of you — you’ve heard of Yoshiwara from your friend, sure, but hearing and seeing were two different things: you’ve never seen other women — and girls — dress this daringly, never seen this many performers gathered in one place. Although you’ve noticed, most people outside were men — patrons, surely — so the main activity had to be done on particular streets and inside the… establishments.

“Miss”, the servant boy called calmly, talking just loud enough to be heard amidst all the noise.

You turned to him, broken out of your reverie, and nodded, stepping toward the entrance. You waited patiently as the boy gave the father’s note as proof of your identity, and had you both written into the registry — yours was a fake name, you assumed, as Father would not want to risk tarnishing both his and your honor.

The boy returned with two tablets, giving one to you — proof that you were a client and not a rightless courtesan.

“Do you know where to go, Miss?” he asked in the same leveled voice, filled with just enough respect for you as the daughter of his Master.

“Yes,” your friend was kind enough to provide you with directions when you found her later with both the purpose of apologizing for running off and asking for the whereabouts of the performer.

“Curious, are we?” she asked in a teasing tone back then, but said nothing more except brushing off the apology and giving what she was asked for.

For that, you were grateful, even though you knew she always had more than enough to say, so very unlike most of the girls you knew.

The streets looked similar, tall buildings lining up and facing Yoshiwara’s guests with a display of courtesans: male, female, and some in between, younger and older than you, dressed in all manners of colorful clothing, some looking solemn and others inviting customers with elegantly lazy gestures, which must have had a meaning you were unaware of. These displays, harimise, were your primary, and sometimes only guide through the unfamiliar streets. You looked and averted your gaze, taking care not to see too much or stare for too long.

That is until you heard an all too familiar voice.

“You over there”, the moment you looked in the direction of the voice, you knew who he was talking to. “If you don’t mind, would you like to give me some of your time this evening?”

One moment you were frozen in your tracks, the other you flocked to harimise, walking as fast as you could to not appear impatient.

And, again, there was a lump in your throat as you took in his form: the back of his neck bared, patterns on kimono dyed in brazen colors, with nothing in his hands but a folded fan to cover his smile, to appear alluring.

It was him. It was Rindou, of that there was no doubt.

But, at the same time, it was not him. It was Rindou the hokan.

“… yes,” you breathed out quietly, voice slightly trembling. “I would,” it was louder, more resolute.

No. You had to do this. You had to see and to ask.

“Then”, his smile didn’t change a bit, but his eyes… his gaze seemed to change, the corners of his eyes crinkling ever so slightly, “let us meet in a parlor.”

With a simple gesture, he signaled the person outside, to get your payment and to guide you.

Moving through the corridors, you heard laughter and flirting, giggle and stifled sounds of surprise… and perhaps something else, that you would rather not stay oblivious to.

You did not need to be privy to all the matters of such an establishment. You had another goal, and that was the only thing that mattered.

"Ri—", the name got stuck in your throat as soon as you stepped into the doorway, your servant deciding to wait just outside of it.

Rindou was still every bit himself: gentle eyes, polite smile, elegant movements. He seemed unchanged, but you could not pretend to now have seen him at the harimise, to not have noticed the change in the demeanor that was meant to invite customers. Nor did you know if you could still call him the same name he chose for himself as a performer.

He seemed to notice your hesitation, and his smile softened as the man invited you to sit, mindful of the distance between you both.

"I was allowed to keep my stage name, so there is no need for you to worry, young lady", he sat in front of you, unmoving until you accepted his invitation. Then, and only then, he went ahead with preparing tea — a proper drink for a conversation that promised to be just as bitter.

"Rindou…" This time, his name rolled off your tongue with ease, honorifics forgotten, followed by all the words and questions you might have had, dying as soon as you tried to voice them.

‘Why were you here? What really happened to you? Why… why did you sell yourself? Was it also “the Heaven’s will”?’ your questions were plenty, but all fell apart just as quickly as they were formed in your head, and you could only watch him prepare tea in silence, every sound inside the room amplified by it tenfold.

It would be silly to ask how he was doing — falling from grace was not a pretty thing, and you have rarely heard good things about the life of those who found themselves to be the residents of Yoshiwara.

… it seemed the truth was too hard to try and learn, at times.

And so, you just sat and watched Rindou perform the steps of the ceremony, unbothered and humming a quiet tune, more to himself than to you, but loud enough for you to hear if you wished to listen.

He gave you time, but once the tea was finished and served, it was inevitable that someone would have to break the silence.

"If the young lady came because you were worried about me", he knew, you understood. Rindou knew of your inner turmoil and the purpose of your visit but chose to ignore it for the time being before, "please, do not be concerned. I simply do what I have to, and I still can sing just fine, as you heard."

Rindou's smile was ever present, but when you found the courage to look the man in the eyes, there was none. His gaze was still soft, but instead of subtle joy and airiness, there seemed to be tiredness and resignation — feelings you thought you would never see him have. And this gaze squeezed your heart and your throat as if aiming to get out the words that were stuck inside.

"... why?" you finally managed to ask, "The money from the patronage should have been enough to live a humble life in the countryside, surely… you might not be able to perform in the capital, but…" you trailed off again. There was no immediate answer, and you could not speculate about another’s situation without substance.

You hoped that he would tell you, as the daughter of his once-patron, but among the words he had uttered, there was none that would serve as an answer.

“Allow me to sing you a song,” Rindou moved further away and took a shamisen in his hands.

‘Ah’, you saw it now. He would not give you the truth. Not so easily, and not today.

A soft, wistful melody filled the room, the sounds of shamisen fighting to drown out your thoughts. The voice so sweet and familiar battling the conflicting waves in your heart.

Autumn season has come, and all the birds that could

Still… what were you hoping to achieve, even? After all, Rindou the performer was a gentle, but distant figure. To him, you were but a young lady, a daughter of his patron in love with his music.

In search of a new home, little birds flew away

Perhaps, you were asking for too much, blinded by your naivety. After all, not seeing *was* a flower. And yet, you needed to know. You thought you knew the performer in front of you, but, if that was not the case… his fall was all the more reason to learn.

But what of those, whose wings were clipped?

If he was indeed that black of heart, then how could his lyrics be so… heartfelt? So honest?

And then, it clicked. Rindou would not give you an answer, certainly not today. But his song… did it have another meaning besides the one that was on the surface? You’ve heard that courtesans could not leave until they finished their contract, but… was there another reason that he could not leave?..

‘Who clipped his wings?’

When he finished his song, you could not find it in yourself to applaud. Instead, you wanted to offer him some comfort — but you knew there was none, because your father cut his ties and support to the performer, as did everyone else. Otherwise, he wouldn't be here, would he?..

As no words of comfort, and no words of compliments came, the only thing you could utter was “I’m sorry”.

The worst kind of comment about anyone’s performance, really. Rindou did not deserve this. The song was beautiful, but how could she call it as such when the meaning behind the lyrics was anything but?

And, just as before, all you could do was sit and enjoy the tea in silence, your heart filled with bitterness and his feeling shut behind the door no one could see through.

“… I do not think the young lady is supposed to be here", he finally said, tone gentle as ever, as you finished the last of your tea. "You are far too good for this place. Too pure. You should live your life as you did. Young lady of your status should not concern yourself with a mere geisha."

At this, your heart was squeezed again, and all the bitterness came flowing out. You saw him once. You saw Rindou perform and talk with his patrons, and he was never “mere”. He stood proud, like a hardy flower, captivating everyone with his bright colors. Even a geisha, he was not someone to be called “mere”. Hearing him refer to himself as such made you want to cry. And cry you did, letting all of the squeezed feelings out.

Unsightly, unladylike, but, you heard, once — in Yoshiwara all feelings could be bared and kept secret behind the locked doors. And used this as a chance, perhaps for once in your life, to show how you truly felt.

“You are not a “mere”,” you muttered through the quiet, stifled sobs. “Rindou, you are not—”

You could not think of what to say at the moment, and Rindou did not seem to know what to do — like he did not expect you to cry. Not on his behalf, and not for him.

Still, he could not allow young miss to shed tears in a place that was meant for pleasure, and, with a heavy sigh, he shuffled closer.

“Excuse me, miss”, was all he said before embracing you carefully, as if he was handling a vase. He enveloped you in his light embrace, and he sang some more, this time of the beauty of seasons and simpler joy of the world.

And then he stepped away as soon as you calmed down like nothing ever happened there. For some reason, it hurt even more.

“… I will take my leave for today”, you said after a while, rising slowly to leave the room.

Rindou, the hokan Rindou followed suit to escort you to the door. But, before he could open it for you, you turned around and met his startled gaze with yours.

He did not deserve this. And Rindou should not have been the one to apologize. At least, not until it was proven to be otherwise.

“But I will come back. And I will know the truth,” you did not wait for his answer as you left the room and went down the hall with measured composed steps. Like you were taught to do.

What you saw today told that there had to be more to the story. If there was not, the man who you sat with would surely have taken advantage.

So, you definitely would get your answers. Not today, and not immediately. But you had to.

The birds with clipped wings are still birds, and they also deserve to find a new home. A better home.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

* This is a reference to the proverbs the father says: “Not seeing is a flower”, which basically means that reality is never is good as your imagination. So MC kinda says that she would prefer to see how low Rindou has fallen for herself than blindly believe in his innocence due to how she has been picturing him in her mind. ** 1 bu = 1/10th of an hour

#blackstar theater starless #rindou blackstar #blst rindou #yoshiwara au #character x reader #rindou x reader #yumejoshi

27 notes · View notes