#friendship analysis

[cevtoons]

Let’s talk more about MK & Mei’s friendship/dynamic.

Taken from This thread I made on Twitter.

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

[birdy-babe]

I’m 100% sure this is already general knowledge but it’s my first time thinking about it and I’m kinda obsessed-

Bc of S2 Ep3 Exs and Ohs we get a small glimpse into Moxxie and Blitzø’s backstory, where we find out that they meet RIGHT after Moxxie’s impromptu “break up” with Chaz

And then based on the trailer we got a glimpse of what is supposedly (and in my opinion, most likely) Blitzo and Millie’s first meeting, based on how young they look and the fact that Millie has long hair.

So…

Does that mean Blitzø introduced Moxxie and Millie?

I don’t know why but I’m obsessed with the idea that Blitzo introduced them. I think it’s such an adorable plot line <3 I love the idea of them both being friends individually with Blitzø before they became a couple.

It would also describe why he’s so obsessed with the two of them. Maybe because he’s so happy to see their love bloom, knowing he helped get it there <3

(But maybe it’s also because he had to sit back and watch them get the thing he’s always wanted most in life: unconditional love. He looks at them sometimes and just thinks “why not me? When will it be my turn?”)

[blayarka]

[fabuloustrash05]

2012 Leo didn’t have friends

Truly think about it, did Leo actually have friends that he could call his own? Yes, he’s close with April, gets along with Casey, and respects Slash along with many other characters, but does he actually have a true friend(s)? Someone he can banter with and have a true connection and mutual bond with. And no, his dad does not count.

Compare Leo’s social life to his brothers:

Mikey has Ice Cream Kitty, Leatherhead, Mondo Gecko, Renet, Napoleon, and Sal Commander.

Donnie has April, Fugitoid, Metalhead, Dr Cluckingsworth, and Timothy.

Raph has Casey, Slash, Mona Lisa, Chompy and I’ll even count the rooftop pigeons.

Who does Leo got as friends? His sister and her witch girlfriend. That seems about it for him.

Leo when hanging out with Karai & Shinigami:

Joking aside, I feel Leo not really having his own friends really shows a lot regarding his character and how the roll of being leader and later on Sensai has effected his social life. Not to mention how the fandom can easily identify who each of the other Turtles best friends are, but for Leo we usually draw a blank.

Yes, Leo does have people close to him, I never will disregard his relationship with his brothers or April and Casey, but overall he never got that true special friendship connection that the others got in the series.

The closest we ever got to him having that genuine friendship was Chloe, the little girl he had a tea party with in season 2, and (maybe) Usagi later in season 5. But again, these were short lived dynamics we never get to see again.

[mlpoutofcontext]

Overly dark My Little Pony fan works (eg. Cupcakes, Friendship is Witchcraft) and those Tumblr posts depicting Breaking Bad as a comedic slice of life about Jesse being trans or something, are the same joke, but in opposite directions

[imp-in-simp]

Blitz-Fizz Dance Analysis

I feel like this little moment was Fizz’s way of showing Blitz forgiveness after his apology!

At first, Blitz was only planning on throwing the confetti here. He turns away immediately.

They’re not partners anymore (the fire destroyed that, and it’s been 15 years)

But also… performance is Fizz’s thing and Blitz feels he’s only there to enhance his performance,

But then Fizz pulls him in to join him, in what I feel like is an implicit sign of forgiveness

He’s letting Blitz perform with him again, as a sign that the fire is now water under the bridge, they’re okay, they’re back to normal

At first, Blitz is too shocked to react

But then Fizz does this, and it’s like Blitz’s performing muscle memory kicks in (he does the tail thing too)

That’s when he smiles,

That’s when the joy and memory of joy performing with Fizz kicks in

Free of insecurity about his talent/pain surrounding the fire

As well as the understanding he’s truly been forgiven

Look at that smile

And it ends perfectly with this little flirty moment

(Love how he pulls him closer ^^)

I do believe they had a ‘homoerotic best friends’ type relationship - so this is yet another confirmation that it’s all forgiven and they’re back to normal <3

(Fizz then drops blitz, which is a gag I know, but it still feels like another return to their silly goofy ways!)

[leavemebetosleep]

Whenever I see someone say that Twilight or Pinkie or someone else should've reformed Discord, I feel like people are missing an important point:

Fluttershy had to be the one to reform him, because she represents something he lacks but needs to learn: kindness.

Discord has magic, maybe not friendship/harmony magic, but magic all the same. He knows how to be honest, even if he used it to twist honesty into painful truths. He didn't lie to Twilight about the riddle. He definitely does not need laughter, he knows how to have fun. He has no problem being generous, but what he shares isn't always nice. He does need to learn loyalty, true, but needs to learn to care about other people before he can learn to be loyal. Caring is an act of kindness.

So he needed to be reformed by kindness, because kindness is what he most need to learn.

Plus let's face it, no one else would've had the patience. Pinkie maybe, but she'd have encouraged him too much to really reform him imo.

[eudociacovert]

Headcanon that when he had 35 Portland Row to himself Lockwood didn't sleep in any of the bedrooms, he just crashed in the library or wherever he happened to be when he became physically incapable of staying awake any longer. When George moved in a combination of Lockwood's personal need to be seen as functional by his new friend employee and George's aggressive homemaking urges bullied him out of acting like he was squatting in his own home and into sleeping in an actual bed

[blueteller]

The Stages of Choi Han

So I decided to think over and analyze the progress of the relationship between Cale and Choi Han.

While we do occasionally get some Choi Han's POV, most of the story is still from either Cale's or general point of view, so we don't see his exact step-by-step thought process on what his views were regarding Cale.

So, here's my thoughts on what was going on inside Choi Han's head as the story went:

Stage 1: Confusion

Choi Han must have been pretty confused when he first met Cale. Still in major turmoil after the Harris Village massacre, here comes this drunk rich guy along, who offers him food and shelter for the night. Why? Random act of kindness? Something else? And things remain confusing the next day as well. Choi Han gets to wash up and rest a bit after his traumatic experience, giving him better clarity of thought, but definitely no better understanding of Cale, who apparently doesn't even want Choi Han to pay him back. Not to mention this creepy strong assassin butler he has and his son the chef... I picture Choi Han having three big bold question marks in his head at this point.

Stage 2: Respect

Things change after the interview. While Cale and the people surrounding him are confusing, the way he speaks to Choi Han make two things clear: one, Cale is a smart man. Two, Cale has a lot going on, but it doesn't seem to be anything sinister. The general vibe Cale is giving off at this moment is "possibly sketchy, yet mysterious and wise". He strikes right into the core of Choi Han's insecurity and helps him gather his resolve: he wants to avenge Harris Village, but he also wishes to protect. At this point, Choi Han switches from confusion to intrigue.

Stage 3: Loyalty

Cale has no idea when it happens, but it is clear: after they rescue Raon, Choi Han is definitely having thoughts about staying with Cale for good. Not only did Cale prove to him that he was a good person by helping a young creature escape a terrible fate for seemingly no reason... Cale also showcased just how thoughtful and competent he is. He is not only smart and knowledgeable, he is also a skilled leader. Even if Choi Han still has any left-over doubts, his question of "what will you do if the Dragon decides to follow you, Cale-nim?" makes it apparent; he's 100% talking about himself. At this point, he'd definitely be willing to follow Cale on a permanent basis as his knight.

Stage 4: Trust

So Choi Han already respects Cale, and has begun cultivating loyalty towards him during the trip to the capital. After they part ways, Choi Han follows Cale's instructions about finding Rosalyn and Lock. During this time unexpected issues arise, but Cale's information remained consistently useful and accurate. Choi Han also meets the "Secret Organization" again, confirming that following path set by Cale allowed him to find out more about Arm than he could manage by himself. He quickly grows attached to Rosalyn and Lock, faster than in "The Birth of a Hero", because through Cale's endorsement he isn't nearly as distrusting. And when Lock seems sick, Choi Han's first instinct is to go straight to Cale for help. And that trust gets rewarded. Then it becomes reinforced once again by the Vow of Death. Cale got upgraded from "sketchy but wise" to "definitely a good person with a lot of secrets".

Stage 5: Protectiveness

Choi Han was definitely protective before, but it got cranked up to 11 after the Plaza Terror Incident. Cale reinforces all previous impressions of respect, loyalty and trust through handling the attack almost flawlessly - except at the very end, Cale gets hurt for the very first time. Choi Han is furious. He threatens the guards to let him pass, showing how his number one priority is officially, Cale himself. His quest to avenge Harris Village still matters, of course, but Cale already swore an oath that he would help Choi Han with it (at least that's what Choi Han believes), so that's a non-issue. From now on, Choi Han's first, second and third priority is keeping Cale safe.

Stage 6: Familiarity

After the plaza, Choi Han heads off with Rosalyn and Lock to the Breck Kingdom. But while the bonds of friendship grow stronger between them, Choi Han still has every intention of returning straight to Cale after they're done. Cale isn't just a priority; he's home, the place Choi Han feels safest at. The way Cale treats him when the trio comes back proves to Choi Han that the feeling was not unfounded; in his absence, Cale helped rebuild Harris and made it home for Lock's siblings. As the next few months of "general relaxation" pass, Choi Han only settles more in his conviction. Everything he has now is thanks to Cale, who is a good person, trustworthy leader, and a good friend overall. Choi Han's feelings are no longer distant respect of an employee, and now he sees Cale as his new family.

Stage 7: Conviction

This stage is a little tricky. While Choi Han's feeling don't quite change through the next 2 years, they definitely grow in strength and intensity. Multiple instances of Cale getting hurt, as well as Choi Han witnessing the true extent of his recklessness, make him devote himself entirely to Cale and his cause. While fighting Clopeh, Choi Han expresses his determination to "create path for the real legend". Because Cale isn't just family: Cale is special. He is someone worthy of highest admiration in Choi Han's eyes. It's not fanatical obsession, not like Clopeh's later on, but something deep and profound that grows stronger with every single battle. The ultimate proof of it is Choi Han changing his attribute while Cale watches from the sidelines. Choi Han's goal itself now, is Cale's success. That is his conviction.

Stage 8: Understanding

Choi Han finally finds out the truth about Cale's transmigration thanks to the memories from Choi Jung Soo, sent by the God of Death. And while none of it fundamentally changes what Choi Han believes about Cale... it does give him a bit of a broader perspective on who Cale really is. Before, there was a lot of mystery regarding the extent of his knowledge, but Choi Han was fine with being kept in the dark. Now, enlightened about some of the mysteries surrounding Cale... Choi Han's conviction to help Cale succeed becomes stronger. Cale isn't just a person he chose to follow; they're actually countrymen, connected by his nephew. It deepens the bond they have, and from then on, Choi Han feels less like a follower of Cale, and more of a peer. They're truly friends, going on this journey side by side.

So there you go. The 8 stages of Choi Han's friendship with Cale.

Confusion

Respect

Loyalty

Trust

Protectiveness

Familiarity

Conviction

Understanding

I really love how their relationship plays out. Cale has many great relationships in the series, but there's something truly special about these two. No matter their differences or misunderstandings, they can relate to each other like no one else can. The mutual care and respect they have for one another is heartwarming. After all they lost, now they have someone who they can trust with their back. A real ride-or-die type of deal.

[strangerthanyou011]

will and mike when they first met: i’m not the only one who’s lonely

will and mike in season 1: i’m not the only freak

will and mike in season 2: i’m not the only one who feels crazy

will and mike in season 3: i’m not the only one struggling to survive puberty and figure out who i am if i’m not a kid anymore

will and mike in season 4: i’m not the only one who’s afraid to be honest with people about my feelings

will and mike in season 5: i’m not the only one who’s gay and in love with my best friend???!?

[orcelito]

ok, i cant resist the urge to make a post about it after all, especially since it's related to a post i made prior

one of my favorite moments in trimax is By Far this part in chapter 35

[ID: Two pages from Trigun. The first starts with Wolfwood thinking, "Now that I think 'bout it, it may be one of the major differences between our species." That deep rooted dear I felt on the ship…" He thinks of Vash crying blood and, swearing, wonders, "Is he the one who can save humankind? That monster?" Wolfwood is briefly shown in resolution before someone calls, "Hey, Wolfwood!" and he looks up with surprise.

Vash sits with a smile at the edge of a rooftop, backed by the Fifth Moon and its prominent crater. Vash asks with a smile, "Just coming back now? You're a bit of a night owl, huh?" Wolfwood looks taken aback and wary. End ID]

Right Here. Vash is just sitting there, smiling like normal, but he's got the backdrop of the damage he caused on the moon set Perfectly behind him. it's a glaring reminder to Wolfwood of who exactly he's dealing with here, and that TERRIFIES him.

& the fact that Wolfwood still remembers that moment of crying blood as a moment of true fear. because for all the cheer Vash shows in the average moment, Wolfwood just recently saw him nearly lose control Again (at the Dragon's Nest). the second time he witnessed it, & the third time he would know about.

Vash is a walking atomic bomb with multiple charges. even with how cheerful & kind he is, he's shown Multiple Times that he does not have full control. he is decidedly something different, something Hazardous to humans, and Wolfwood knows this very very painfully.

for all that Wolfwood loves Vash, he is also terrified of him. and at this point in the story, that terror is potent enough to nearly eclipse his affection for Vash.

leading to some of the next most iconic pages:

[ID: The next page starts with Wolfwood standing behind the sitting Vash, his expression hard and the moon bright behind him. Vash seems sad and has one eye open. A close-up focuses on Wolfwood looking down.

Wolfwood thinks, "So easy to pull the trigger. So easy to remove half the problem." Another close-up with bright lighting obscures his face but for one eye. Then Vash turns around curiously and asks, "What's up?" Wolfwood sits behind him and says "Nothin'. Come on. Let's go." Vash seems surprised as Wolfwood scolds, "Don't get yerself tangled up in every little skirmish ya see. It'll be pointless if ya get yerself killed before ya meet him." End ID]

the manga frames it like Vash doesn't know Wolfwood was pointing the gun at him, but I think he did know. he's freakishly perceptive over and over again throughout the story. he HAS to be in order to survive like he has. he'd hear the movement of the gun & sense Wolfwood behind him...

he'd know. i really think he knew.

but he doesn't do anything about it. there is zero fear in his face. he turns to look at Wolfwood curiously, a bit confused, but not afraid. he never once thought that Wolfwood would shoot him. there's full faith and trust there in that moment.

Wolfwood pretends that nothing happened, & Vash lets him. they both move on, not talking about it, because they never talk about Anything of substance like this (not until much, Much later).

overall, it's just such a great example of their relationship's development. Wolfwood's fear & Vash's trust that he won't act on it... it's just. Man.

(EDIT: people have made some good points about how Vash's expression when Wolfwood points the gun at him shows that he probably did know and YEAH that's a good point! & probably why I was so certain he knew lol, I just hadn't realized it myself)

[kelocitta]

In honor of the @rw-ship-showdown I wanted to write about Artihunter as someone who jokingly slapped them together pre-downpour and still thinks they are actually very compelling. Just not in the super soft love wins kinda way (Although I get why people like that more) And the only way I know how to do that is talking too much so heres a far too long slug essay-

Obviously the slugcats don't offer a ton of characterization but theres not nothing to work with. Their stories, whether by their roles in it or the overarching themes do provide a backbone to work with. Even gameplay itself can provide a bit. (for some more than others) Hunter, to me, is ultimately a story about selflessness. The goal is to revive Moon, which is very much an act of kindness from both Hunter and NSH. But the weight of that action is much more significant for Hunter- Hunter is deeply sick. They're on the clock, and for all their skill in combat none of that will ultimately help them to survive longer than their body can hold out. Moon is a close friend of NSH but that means little Hunter- Hunter really gets next to nothing out of helping them, and ultimately pays quiet a bit spending their limited time alive fighting to deliver that neuron so that someone else can live.

To spend ones limited days on helping another, in a game that very much stresses the unwavering cruelty of the world and nature- is pretty notable. (And you could even say that Hunter being the Hardmode of Rain World adds another layer to this)

And then we have Artificer. A storyline that very much stands out to people as more… villainous (so to speak) than the other slugcats. Artificer's story covers a lot of things. Trauma, violence, revenge, etc. Revenge is a bit of a selfish desire- That need to see someone hurt as they have hurt you. A punishment that ultimately does not fix whatever harm was done- but feels good to see because you were hurt and now those responsible share that pain.

Artificer's actions are founded in that need for revenge, their pups killed for overstepping boundaries they didn't know existed. Is it not fair for them to be angry at that, to punish the scavengers for their violence with their own? Why should the scavengers ever be forgiven when they and their pups were not? And that's how you get that loop- Harm for harm over and over.

The original action has been lost in a spiral of violence for violence. And here stands Artificer- their very spirit scarred. Not just because they sought revenge, but because they never ceased trying to scratch that itch for violence as an answer. Artificer only has two paths for their story- killing the scavenger king (Someone who, really, has little to do with the original 'crime' of the scavengers, but represents an important individual to them- as did the slugpups to Artificer), locking themselves as karma one for good and spending the rest of their life chasing creatures that no longer even fight back in a warped sense of closure- or to dissolve themselves in the acids of the void sea because they're too far gone to find any real peace.

They can't meaningfully recover from that state, not alone, twisting in on themselves. Even if they halt their actions, they've been using violence as a feeble defense against their own pain- violence that no longer has any real direction or basis. Artificer gets no real closure from killing the scavenger king. All they can do is continue the cycle, or try to scrub it away. No real peace in a prison of their own making. So you have a creature, who even with a strict timer on their life- a body that will crumble to disease, spends its last bit of time on saving another. And another who was so caught up in the pain of loss that were eaten alive by their own anger, poisoned their own soul on such a deep level even self-proclaimed gods have no solution for them. What peace can they offer each other? For Hunter, its only a fleeting moment of happiness- of selfish love, before their own body fails them. A bit of indulgence in something for themself. For Artificer, its a single, comforting thread to ground them again, something tangible to protect and care about again. But thats a thread that will ultimately be snapped under the cruel indifference of the world. Hunters timer will tick down regardless of if it takes another with it. Its a tragedy- its doomed to end badly. Whatever good it offers to either of them to find each other will only provide the fleeting comfort of a band-aid that will be ripped away too early. But all that can be worth indulging in anyway, if only for the moment. It doesn't change the ending, but the ending was never going to be happy. Its can so yuri

[christakisbang]

like yeah none of us really know our idols etc etc whatever but sometimes i see some of u say something and im like wow. u do not get them whatsoever. we have been stanning very different people.

[winters-rose-daughterofcain]

Fine I'll talk about Bridgerton

One thing this season made really clear to me is that Lady Whistledown is in a way a coping mechanism. It was stared by a lonely, neglected, unhappy seventeen year old girl who felt like she could scream until she collapsed to the ground and it would be into a void because no one would fucking listen to her.

Her mother constantly berates and criticises her, her father (while alive) barely speaks to her and is seen off to the side drinking when he's meant to be chaperoning her, her sisters are openly cruel to her and are still favoured by their mother. She has few friends, and the two relationships she holds closest both have significant blocks to them, with Colin it's her unrequited feelings and..... tbh her and Eloise's friendship is a whole different post and while they clearly mean the world to each other, there where fundamentally issues long before Lady Whistledown was so much as a drop of ink. I think they are both at fault for them and I love both of them, but Eloise's biggest issue comes from just not listening to her and in general as a person having a bad case of tunnel vision and hyper focusing on certain things while completely missing others.

Pen is outcast from society from the moment she steps foot in it, ridiculed and despised by those around her and bullied by girls her age for literally no fucking reason. She is seen as unattractive and undesirable, she believes the fundamentally human want to be loved a silly childish delusion because she is told from every angle that she is not worth it. She's not even worth listening to.

I think her resentment and hurt had been building for a while, she's never under any assumption that she will be treated or seen better. How could she be? When she is constantly reminded how much she fails to be what is wanted or respected or valued, primarily by her own damn family. Still, she's a kind girl. She's sweet and attentive and a good listener, she's patient and reliable and, before Whistledown started, probably extremely loyal, if how much guilt she felt whenever she genuinely betrayed someone says anything. She's someone who has never felt or had any power, who has so much hurt and resent and bitterness from years of this shit building and building.

But she's also smart and witty and funny and extremely intelligent. She has a talent for writing and words and clearly has the potential to be successful. I think being pushed into society a year earlier than she wanted (again, because her mother wouldn't listen) pushed her over the edge. She wrote her observations, the things she learnt from being pushed to the side for so long down, and published them. I don't think she ever intended for it to be as big as it was, and I think the bigger it got and still gets the more in over her head she is. Because for once people listened, for once people cared, for once what she thought and said and worked for mattered.

It is a young girl gaining her first glimpse at power and being deeply unprepared for the consequences. When things go wrong and she doesn't know what to do and no one will listen to her as Penelope, this is the only way she can make them. No matter how disastrous the affects, using Whiseldown gets results, it just also hurts people, pushing her further and further down this cycle where Whistledown is one of the only thing that makes her feel better and allows her to process the things in her life, while hurting the people around her and making her more dependent on it.

She truly meant to give up Whistledown after the disaster with Eloise, but on that night she had her connection or trust from the two people who she cared about and who cared about her the most broken. With the fight with Eloise and then overhearing Colin she lost both of them in the span of an hour, what else dose she have aside from her writing?

And again at the ball in episode one. Even after a complete upheaval of her entire look she still fails to talk to those guys, she still isn't enough, it's proof it is not her youth or her mother influence something fundamental in her can't do this. Then Cressida rips her dress with Eloise standing right there, then Colin comes and (even tho she is incorrect) confirms to her that he too, is embarrassed by her. So what dose she do? When she's miserable and powerless? She writes. She takes it all out in Whistledown and says the (admittedly true which is why it hurt so much tbh) cruel things about Colin, which she regrets literally a day later after actually talking to him. Adding more guilt and keeping her stuck in this cycle.

It's a business definitely, and there are many parts of Whistledown she genuinely enjoys, but I don't think it's good for her. It hurts the people around her and it hurts herself, she's in over her head and definitely knows she should stop, but I don't think she knows how. She doesn't let herself rely on others enough to be okay without this one thing that has allowed her to cope and be heard and respected and valued. That's also why I think she couldn't have stopped before this season, now she's finally getting that, she's finally being listened to and respected and valued and being told she is worth something. Not by many people, and it is still too new to change the fundamental thought patters about it she has, but it's a start.

Now she just has to grapple with that fact that this thing that has given her a voice and found her comfort might just be the dealbreaker for the real people in her life who can actually offer her the love and care and respect she deserves and craves and has been denied for so so long. It sucks and it's a cycle she can't get out of now, she's made her own trap without knowing how she did it.

That's what happens when a 17 year olds coping mechanism continues and grows and expands for years, when people unknowing pay to see more of it, and when she doesn't really know what else to do. Whistledown is Pens choice and all her actions for better or worse, but it would not exist without the context of her life. It would not exist if Portia was a better mother, if she had better sisters or a better family. It would not exist of other girls her age were kinder to her, if they excluded her a little less. It would not exist if she were not seen as a lost cause for love before she had the chance to try. Lady Whistledown would not exist if someone just fucking listened to her.

[mlpoutofcontext]

Given that the Apple family seem to use "apple" as an expletive, AJ's name basically translates to "Jackass"