#from an engineering perspective this is insane

[deliah-clarke]

Isaac Clarke x Apprentice (Platonic)- Insanity and family

Chapter 1 - Prologue BEFORE New Arrivals So I’m gonna change a few things in the Dead Space Remake storyline to better suit this story (such as Nicole is not gonna be a ‘hallucination’ and much more, it will be told in the perspective of 2nd perspective because the other perspectives didn’t fit her. And yea, I give my 2nd perspective characters not basic personalities.

warning: hallucination, death, gore, violence, normal Dead Space warning things, make us whole, insanity, mania, Yknow insane Unitologists bs (some warnings are for future chapters just so you know what you are getting into.)

UPDATE

USG KELLION en route to AEGIS SYSTEM

OBJECTIVES

DIRECTIVE A

LOCATE Mining Vessel USG ISHIMURA

DIRECTIVE B

DIAGNOSE AND REPAIR Communications Blackout

PRIMARY MISSION ASSETS

ISAAC CLARKE Engineering and Ship System Specialist

KENDRA DANIELS Computer Specialist

ZACH HAMMOND Chief Security Officer

CPL HAILEY JOHNSTON Security Personnel

CPL AIDEN CHEN Security Personnel

DELIAH [UNKNOWN] CEC Engineering Apprentice

“…Isaac….I wish I could talk to you, I’m sorry. I can’t believe what’s happening. Everything’s…falling apart here… It’s strange…such a little thing-” Pause.

“Is that her? Nicole?” One of Isaac Clarke’s crew members ask him, Kendra Danvers. As she walks up to the hologram of Isaac’s girlfriend, Dr. Nicole Brennan.

“Yeah, first I’ve heard from her in weeks.” Isaac says as he slightly turns his head toward Danvers.

“She looks…nice?” You say to Isaac, who was sitting down in front of you.

“That answer was really half-assed but knowing you I’ll take it.” He said in a slightly amused tone.

“Everything I do is half-assed.” You give an eyebrow raise and a smug grin. “That’s concerning considering your an apprentice to an engineer.”

”I’m concerning in general.” You blinked with a straight face.

The Kellion shook slightly as Chen interjected, “I would find your seat before you go flying put the front window, here we go—nice clean re-entry. Welcome to Aegis VII.”

You gave a slight eyeroll as you sat down on a seat next to Isaac’s. Crossing your legs a bit as you do so.

“Imagine six months staring at that chunk of rock.”

“To an independent miner, it’s paradise.”

“Hehehe minor”

Everyone gave a sharp but slightly confused glare at you. You gave a cheeky smile, “I-I don’t know why I found that funny.”

Sigh. “Alright Daniels, where is she?”

Daniels crossed her arms and leaned from one foot to another typing on the holographic screen in front of her, “There confirming visual contact with USG Ishimura.”

The Kellion drifted downward past debris most likely from the planet after the Ishimura had cracked it. To reveal not too far away the massive steely ship known as the infamous USG Ishimura.

“What a beauty, biggest planet cracker in her class y’know-”

You interrupted him with yet another snarky comment, “Hold on. I’m sorry but does he always say random meaningless shit no one really cares about or just when he fanboys over a ship?”

“You’re exhausting you know that?” Hammond glared.

“I’m not the one who can’t shut their mouth for four seconds.”

Chen cleared his throat aggressively to get the attention of the Chief Security Officer. “Sir, we’re in hailing range.” With a tap of his finger on the orangish hued panel he commend the Ishimura, “USG Ishimura, this is the emergency maintenance team of the USG Kellion responding to your distress call. Come in Ishimura.”

Silence

“Ishimura? Do you copy, this is the USG Kellion.”

“You ever heard of a full communications blackout on one of these things?”

With a glance toward Daniels he responded with a hint of a somber tone, “Never. Come on someone pick up the damn phone.”

Over comms a grueling guttural noise emerged into the Kellion’s transmission for a brief moment. Mixed with static and an unstable connection it was hard to tell exactly what that was.

“What the hell is that?” Daniels’ voice was quieter now, clearly unnerved about the audio.

“I-I’m sorry we’re going in that? Oh heeeeellllllll no.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Tch, yeah cause that tone sounded reassuring.”

“Well, it sounds like their communications array is busted… maybe a broken encoder. Deliah, Daniels and I can handle it in forty eight hours max.” He gave a quick gesture with his head toward Daniels.

“As long as one, I’m not left alone and two, it’s not dark I’ll be fine.” You scoffed.

“Alright Chen, take us in.”

Johnston spoke up, “Gravity tethers engaged, automated docking is a go.”

The Kellion began is descension as it was pulled in by a purplish-blue colored tether. The ship let out a slight creak and parked on the left side with a deafening clang, causing canary yellow sparks to burst out of the wall, causing both Isaac and you two flinch your head away, though his was more subtle. The alarms blared violently, electricity shooting all through the ship, emitting a grotesque, shrill cry. The vessel was rapidly thrusted inward to the Ishimura, pulling it forward at insane speeds. Sparks from the ship flew as metal screeched with a howling roar, splintering metal screeched at high frequencies. The crew was thrown and tossed maliciously in their seats as they attempted to steady themselves.

“Shit—Shit! We’re coming in too hot! It’s gonna smash us into the hull!” Chen exclaimed while veering the ship in a desperate attempt to avoid narrowly crashing into the Ishimura’s hull.

“There aim for the emergency stabilizer! There, that blue light. It might slow us down!” Isaac shouted frantically as he kept jolting in his chair.

“Drop the blast shields everyone brace yourself.” Hammond commanded urgently toward the crew, hoping this would be enough to keep the ship together.

With a deafening rumble the rammed shut, slightly muffling the horrifying outer hull of the ships. The whirring of the Kellion intensifies as the screen showing the outside of the ship only displayed the visible outside for seconds and went static. Leaving you and the crew completely blind. The ship vibrated, causing blurry vision and slight nausea from you.

As quickly as it began, the ship came to a decently quick halt, the ship giving up the last of its energy as it powered down. The lights dimmed until they went out completely.

“Everyone okay?”

”I’m good.”

“I’ll live, Johnston you alright?” Chen asked with a small amount of worry but did well at hiding it. The blast doors clicked and zoomed upward, leaving the glass with a greenish misty light and a worn-down “USG Ishimura” sign. A few of the letters flickered or weren’t even on all together.

“It’s my ankle. I think it’s broke,”

“Could be worse.” You uttered, still shaken.

“What the fuck is going on with flight control? That guidance systems a death trap.” Daniels barked harshly, annoyed and concerned considering they almost died.

“Better add it to the repair list. Chen what’s our damage?”

“Comms are down. Lost the port booster. We’ve got a fire on one of the stabilizers and the singularity cores a mess. Could be worse but not by much.”

“Then let’s get some help. Johnston stay with the Kellion, we’ll send a medic. Everyone else with me.” Hammond motioned a hand.

Daniels and Hammond gave a quick glance toward Isaac as they walked past him. Isaac bent down for his helmet and placed it over the top of his head, being his apprentice you also had the same helmet. Just slightly tweaked to help with the weight of it. As Isaac stepped out of the wirey, sparking mess which was now the Kellion, you followed suit closely. No one, you, your mentor or your crew knew what unspoken nightmares would be waiting for you in the USG Ishimura’s deathly cold embrace.

CHAPTER 1:

NEW ARRIVALS

Depending on how well this does I will write the next chapter. Might not I am not positive honestly. Btw this is the prologue not chapter one, that’s the upcoming chapter.

[ef-1]

Transcribed Excerpts from Christian Horner's hour long Interview that are batshit insane and so narratively dense you'd think they're lifted wholesale from a book, featuring:

The most in depth, behind the scenes view of what transpired in 2018

Fords CEO getting in touch with Dax to gush about how much he likes Daniel

Christian feeling vindictive towards Daniel

Christian comparing Sebastian and Max

Christian comparing Daniel to Roger Federer

How Christian had to mitigate Helmut's shitshow and personally asking Dietrich to give Daniel everything he wanted

Hilarious rapid fire in the end and his perspective on the failure of Ferrari

●●● <- indicates a time skip

Dax: In tennis you see guys when they lose steam, they break apart.

Christian Horner : you see that with checo.

●●●

[Dax mentions that in Christian's position, a lot of people would not have invited Daniel back into the family. "Because Daniel turned his back on the family." ]

Christian: Daniel's a great guy. Very badly advised in his early career. Everybody fucks up at some point. I think he recognizes that he made a mistake. He didn't have good advice around him at the point he left us. Having spent time outside the family he realized what he had here was actually good. It was horrible to see that it got worse and worse after us. It was actually this time last year in Mexico where I sat down with him in my hotel room, I told him you need a complete reset- take a year out. Come back to us.

Dax: He's such a win for you guys.

Christian: Totally.

Dax: you sent Daniel to Jim Farley [ CEO of Ford] and I know Jim Farley and he got in touch with me and told me "That Daniel Ricciardo guy is the greatest!" I'm like to him: he's the dream, send him anywhere.

●●●

Christian: He's [Daniel] a confidence driver, when he's got his mojo, he one of the fastest guys on the grid.

Dax: he's lethal.

Christian: yep.

Dax: he's got that magic thing that people either have or don't have in my opinion which is: there are winners and there are not winners

[you're not ready for this lol]

Christian: He came to us, he's one of our juniors, I remember going to watch him in formula 3, he really stood out. Very smooth. Just great. Naturally. Like a Roger Federer kind of style behind the wheel, very very classic. Light touch. Great, great skill. And then he came through the system [RB program] when we had Sebastian Vettel, 4 time world champion- Mark Webber retired. We chose Daniel as the Junior, with no expectation on him and he started beating Vettels ass. he won 3 races in 2014 when we had FAR from the best engine, Sebastian never won a race that year.

Dax: Even his time at Mclaren, it sucked for him but he's the only one who won a race.

Christian: He IS the only one who won a race.

Dax: and for a long time now.

Christian: and Renault he had great performances. [...] he's got to feel the love. He's got to feel comfortable in the environment that he's in. Some of his races for us were- absolutely outstanding.

●●●

[Christian about the 2018 negotiations]

Christian: I asked Dietrich to show Daniel love. Helmut was obviously pro Max, I said if you could just balance things out, let him [Daniel] know you want him. Dietrich said "no problem, I'll talk to him" so he took Daniel upstairs after the race in Austria to talk to him, and they were there for well over an hour.

Dax: To the point you were nervous?

Christian: I thought SHIT! But they reappear, and they're both smiling, I tell him: "Dietrich, how did it go?" He says,"No problem, don't worry about it. It's not even a question [that daniel would leave]"

Christian: Then we went to Germany, and his engine blew up. His engine kept letting him down, letting him down, letting him down. But from there, we went to Hungary, and we got his paperwork [Daniel's contract] for a TWO year deal all sorted out. Daniel's manager came to me and said 'listen Daniel is nervous about the engine' because we were going to switch to Honda so his manager said: 'he'll do ONE year' I thought wow. That's not really what we talked about, because in 6 months we'll be having the same conversation. So I remember I went back to Dietrich, and I said, "it's about relationships. It's NOT about contracts. If he wants a one year contract, give him a one year contract," so at this point: he's got everything he wants. Also, at that point, Daniel was doing a test for us after the Hungarian race, I thought Daniel will sign the paperwork on Monday, suddenly Monday goes and he's in the car on Tuesday. I'm starting to smell something because this is an enormous deal, you'd have thought he'd be in a rush to sign this contract. And he didn't sign the contract before he got in the car in the morning and I thought he'd sign by lunchtime but it didn't happen. He had to get out of the car and go straight to the airport because he's flying from here to LA and I thought he'll call me. I'm feeling something at this point.

Dax: you know you're about to be broken up with.

Christian: yeah.

Dax: if your girlfriend didn't show up to lunch then dinner-

Christian: exactly. So- he [daniel] rings me, I was in the car with Geri, he tells me "I just got off the plane, I arrived in LA, and I've been thinking on the flight, all the way here- I'm not going to sign the contract. I'm going to take another contract. [...] he tells me Renault? The engine that let him down for 2 years? I was convinced, I was CONVINCED- because Daniel has got a sense of humour- I thought- he's taking the piss. I thought come on. I told him: come on. There is no way. You're not going to Renault, stop fucking about, just sign the contract. After 10 minutes he finally persuaded me that he was going to Renault. It was disappointing.

Dax: I wanna applaude you, because a lot of people who go through that experience think: fuck you.

Christian: there was an element of that. I thought: go and suck on a lemon for a bit. But actually during the pandemic, I remember he called me and said "Christian I hate to say this to you but you were right"

•••

Christian thinks Max > Vettel

Christian about Alex and Pierre being teammates with Max: he broke them

[Very confused in this part because Christian like? Says the best thing for Checo to perform is to forget about Max, stop trying to compete with him, stop looking at his data? Girl you are NOT selling it rn]

•••

When Christian is asked to analyse Red Bull's champions, he thinks Sebastian and Max are diametrically opposed . Sebastian is your stereotypical German, he would be at the track until 11 to analyse data. Max is not interested in all the detail [devasting news for all the bitches who spent years trying to dunk on Daniel by calling him not technical, Christian seems to think that Daniel and Max share a natural ability that doesn't rely on data.] He [Max] Gives you just what he needs to go faster. Max hates testing, has no interest in it.

●●●

Christian confirms he has a lucky toilet.

●●●

Christian says in 2014-18 Red Bull came this 🤏 close to selling to Audi.

●●●

Christian: Drive to Survive is the Kardashians on wheel

●●●

Christian: You get characters like Gunther Steiner. How scary is he. He used to work for us, I had to be the one to fire him.

●●●

Christian on why he believes Ferrari have failed over the last 15 years: Ferrari is a national institution instead of a Team. It needs to become a racing team again. Too many people have input at the top.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Ketheric continues to be the member of the Chosen I struggle to get a grip on. Like the other three I can tell you the details of why (I think) they grew up to monsters:

Long post.

-

Let's start with Gortash: spent his childhood being told he was a selfish monster for his thoughts - apparently from birth - for the way he perceived the world, for *checks notes* wanting his parents attention as an undeveloped human being that relies on its parents to survive and thrive.

Then his parents send him to hell as part of a deal. Because that's where monsters go isn't it? They go to hell to suffer eternal damnation because they were monsters in life.

So you grow up in one of the literal cesspits of the universe, where the only people you meet are the literal scum of the universe, or those you're going to learn to see as weak fools who had to rely on others - and were ultimately willing to commit atrocities themselves - who were taken advantage of by the scum of the universe. You get to the Hells by committing atrocities, either because you want something so badly you'll fuck somebody over for it (out of greed, or because you couldn't fix it yourself (weak)) or because you did them of your own volition. And curiously, some of these people had their price tags wrapped in such subtle terms they don't even realise they did anything wrong! Lesson learned; anyone will willingly be a monster if you make the evil sound nice. Every single devil you meet has had the humanity flayed from their soul, and they got to where they are in their existences by fomenting (and committing) hate and rape and murder and everything evil under the sun as a regular Monday morning in the ultimate goal to make the universe an evil place. Devils are also 'self made men', everybody started from nothing as a lemure and clawed their way to where they are now. Every social interaction in the Hells is manipulation and abuse. Everyone there hurts everyone.

But you do have one example of a good person! There's Hope! Lovely lady, kind and sweet... Trapped in hell being abused forever going insane because of it because your ambitious sister fucked you over. That's where trust and love being a good person gets you.

And that was his entire social life. That was the people he had to look to for examples. All his early experiences were limited to a sample of the absolute worst it has to offer, and he has a very skewed view of the universe.

And the fact that he's apparently so damn good at sex a lady gave him a ring worth everything she owns after growing up around a pleasure devil whose role is harming and corrupting people with sex and has built in charm person at etc is not ringing alarm bells(!) I'm not side-eyeing the boudoir at all.

I wonder why having a child/teen spend their formative years in the evil factory literally designed to spit out monsters... spat out a monster? Kudos to Karlach, though: just how many layers of defence mechanisms has she got in her brain?

Gortash's thought processes are 50% through the lens of engineering and 50% through the lens of a devil's perspective to me. People will sell out others for their own gain, because they're too weak to do it themselves or because they're bastards. If you don't get with the programme you're the victim. You only get ahead by being ruthless. Everybody is untrustworthy, and relying on them will get you betrayed. The world is divided into the weak and the ruthlessly strong who take what they want. Yes, he's a monster. And so are his parents. And so is everyone. And then Bane saw this perfect example of his way of thinking and said 'that one.'

-

Orin: obviously we've got grooming. The fact that her formative memories include her mother trying to murder her, and the fact that she feels like the only person who has ever cared about her or supported her is her grandfather. Who is implied to have been raping her, or intending to. All she's permitted is to have her brain poisoned by her faith, which her life revolves around, and then her kin 'does it all wrong' and inherits everything she's been groomed to believe is hers. But no, 'they're not wrong,' says everybody around her 'you are!'

She's a Bhaalspawn, so her relationships with her kin are "kill or be killed," as Helena proved. You will please father by slaughtering your siblings, or you will die - or worse. You must be and stay favoured by Bhaal above all the others to be truly safe ("safe"), and Durge outranking her is a threat to her existence. Actually Durge existing is a threat to her well-being. She has no way to live a life outside the cult, never has and never will. Her life is insanely lonely and mostly consists of paranoia.

But the overlaying theme here is that she's a changeling. She's mirrorkin with no unique physical identity of her own, she can only reflect those of others. To be dnd canon accurate: she has no real facial features, no pigmentation. She's not permitted an identity of her own, and was punished for trying. She's a mirror born and raised to reflect the glory of Bhaal, the glory of her failed grandfather, the rise of Bhaal's favourite child. Never her own. Gee, I wonder why she literally wears people's skins.

Denied the ability to do anything but live according to what she's told, she does her best to live up to it because to fail is to become her parents and the countless aunts and uncles currently enjoying their damnation in the Throne of Blood. And then she's told she's doing it wrong. By everybody. She's a 'rabid dog'. She, despite having doctrine poured into her ears and probably carved into her flesh her entire life 'doesn't understand Bhaal.' And everybody is insanely patronising about it! You're never allowed to be anything but what we tell you to be, but you're still not good enough! Which is death. The Temple of Bhaal needs murder feminism.

-

The Dark Urge is my favourite little nightmare, and I've talked about them at length: much of Orin's trauma also applies to them, although where she's a mirror made to reflect the egos of others, Durge is only allowed one identity: Bhaal's. Where Orin can never seem to reach the standards forced on her, Durge is never allowed to fail to meet them, or else. Every outside connection they ever had was brutally sabotaged, and they've had 'you're a monster and only I (your abusive Father) can love you' drilled into their mind. They hate themself. We got the threat of sexual exploitation (assuming it didn't happen), there's a subtle undercurrent of incest to some interactions. The prayer for forgiveness kind of sums it all up: 'I'm sorry for forming an emotional connection that isn't blind love for you father, but don't fret, I'll destroy it with my own hands just like everything else and then finally get to kill myself just like I've always wanted.'

-

But Ketheric? Like villains don't need tragic backstories to be terrible people, but it does make them more interesting.

OK, so your bio family is fucked up and I definitely get the impression that they sucked (Malus is giving me vibes that say he'd have been a villain anyway, and might've been secretly Sharran to start with; Gerringothe seems to be drowning whatever her issues are in gold), and then the loving family you made for yourself broke: your wife died, and your daughter died, sure. But plenty of people on Toril probably have similar if not the same stories and didn't go evil overlord! Why are you doing this? What is informing these decisions? Why does your existence hinge so much on your dead daughter that your son is basically named after her and you seem to hate him for existing and not being her? Does Shar have something to do with it? Has Ketheric just carved out so much memory and emotion, so much of his own identity, that all that's left is the grief and the hunger for the pain to stop but, as per Shar's intent, it keeps coming back, with less and less positive memories to soften the pain. A wound that festers and never heals. Is the obsession with Isobel because she's the icon of everything that was good in his life, and her loss was the moment everything good was gone? Was he a rational man who turned to Shar to stop the pain in a moment of understandable grief and rage at her sister, and then was trapped in a cycle that destroyed everything that was good in that man until we get the General?

Just guess working my way through his entire backstory...

[rightshoeonleftfoot]

Marius "Jäger" Streicher headcanons, I may or may not be completely in love with him...

🥃 Jäger is a whisky drinker. It's his drink of choice, no ice needed. He still does drink beer but he'd rather have a glass of whisky than a bottle of beer. (His favourite whiskey is Yellowstone, yes it's absolutely self-indulgent)

🚗 He drives a shitbox. I'm talking like an old ass 80's Buick, or something similar. Though he's definitely partial to German cars (he's a patriot, what can I say), def has a Volkswagen or an Audi. He definitely knows which Audi models are the most reliable. (He drives a Volkswagen Scirocco Mk 2, it's his pride and joy, I don't make the rules)

🎶 Listens to mainly German rock/rock in general. Here's a playlist that I find accurate to my headcanon of his music taste: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/29N16n6eHU6P2hExqaa4xY?si=FFtI6gEKSqW9ZPF36OZINg

🪛 This is based off of canon, but he's 100% a workaholic. His work is his hobby. He literally mentions that spending his time off in the lab is like a dream vacation to him. He feels he needs to be productive all the time, he doesn't really like "relaxing" that much. His time to relax is when he's either learning something new or working.

🖌️ He is insanely good at drawing machinery. He doesn't consider himself to be an artist, but he is really really good at drawing anything mechanical. He draws cars and car engines for fun, he draws his own prototypes and inventions for his patents and blueprints. Expect him to have a notebook full of messy and clean drawings of cars, helicopters, random parts he just felt like drawing. He mainly draws to see things from a different perspective and to learn.

🌯 He doesn't cook for himself often, but when he does it's absolutely delicious. Jäger knows how to cook! He's a banger cook, too. He only has a solid few cookbooks at home that he uses, he always tries something different but it's always from those three books.

[spookuzm]

So uh I'm just gonna post my one shot from three months ago here

You can also read it on AO3

I'm kinda nervous for sharing this but I hope you guys will like this...

Tw: Brief mention of abuse, slightly suggestive (aka flirting)

—————

Summary:

You had been living with the skeletons for a while now. You get along with most of them, thankfully. Then one day, the skeletons decided that you were trustworthy enough to let you in a very big secret— all of them were the same two monsters; Sans and Papyrus!

And if that wasn’t shocking enough for you... They were also hiding their other alternates! The bigger versions of themselves!

Nervous to meet them was an understatement. Especially Red’s bigger alternate self. Just the thought of that made you terrified to your core. Red alone was scary enough for you, thank you very much.

—————

Read under the cut

“So wait,” you started, baffled by this. “The Multiverse Theory is true, and all of you are the same two monsters? Like, no joke?”

“yep,” Classic said, popping the ‘p’. “i may be a comedian, but there are some things even i won’t joke about. and this is one of them.” he gestured to himself and then to Blue and Red. Blue waved enthusiastically with a beaming smile as Red scoffed at the attention.

This was insane but the proof was literally right in front of you, and Classic himself even showed you the machine that pulled them into this timeline.

“But why..?” You muttered under your breath, gaining the trio’s attention. “Why trust me?”

“dats cause yer pathetic,” Red said harshly as you shrank from his words. Blue sent him a disappointed glare before turning to you with a gentle smile.

“WHAT RED MEANS, FRIEND, IS THAT YOU ARE A VERY TRUSTWORTHY AND NICE PERSON! AND YOU WOULD NEVER LET YOUR FRIENDS DOWN WITH BIG SECRETS!” Blue stated confidently.

You felt your heart warm up as you blushed slightly, giving him a soft smile. Blue has always been a positive guy, always spreading cheer to anyone around him. And the same goes to Creampuff. The three of you were the best of friends.

Red grumbled bad-temperedly as he left the room, Classic just shrugged at the interaction before teleporting away.

Blue lets out a ‘tsk’ before grabbing your hand as he begins to lead you to somewhere. “LET’S GO TO THAT RESTAURANT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT EARLIER, BEFORE THE WHOLE MULTIVERSE REVELATION THING.”

You arrived at where the skeletons parked their vehicles. Blue’s ride was a blue motorcycle, and he calls it ‘his precious’.

“Uh, sure,” you agreed, watching as Blue hopped on his motorcycle and put on a helmet.

“AND, FRIEND?” he said your name nervously as he gave you a helmet and you put it on, making sure it’s secured onto your head. You adjusted the straps, feeling the reassuring click of the buckle.

Blue inserted the key and brought the motorcycle to life, the roar of the engine echoing through the quiet lodge. “Yes?” you replied, hopping on the back.

“DID THAT— DID IT CHANGED YOUR PERSPECTIVE OF ME AND THE OTHERS?” he asked you nervously. “I MEAN— IT’S STRANGE, RIGHT? I’M LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AS CLASSIC, BLACK, AND RED.”

He looked at you in concern, frowning. You stared at him for a moment before chuckling as you pat his shoulder in reassurance. “Blue, it doesn’t change a thing at all. You guys are so different from each other despite being the same person. I still see you as the Magnificent Blue. Classic as his punny self, Black as his calm and collected self, and Red’s a jerk.”

Blue sighed in relief before smiling once more. “LOOKS LIKE MY WORRIES WERE FOR NOTHING THEN.” he said as he revved the engine, propelling the motorcycle forward with a confident twist of the throttle.

~~~~

It was now the next day since they revealed their shocking secret to you. Nothing really changed, it was still the same as ever. And you aren’t planning to tell anybody.

You made your way to the kitchen, wanting to get some coffee as you stretched a bit. You glanced around as you recalled when you first got invited to live in with the skeletons. Blue was the one who instigated that invitation when he witnessed you get kicked out from your abusive ex.

You bumped into Black along the way as you stammered out an apology. He scoffed indignantly at that before he spoke. “HUMAN, I SUPPOSED THAT THE INSUFFERABLE VANILLA FINALLY TOLD YOU THE TRUTH?”

You tilted your head in confusion. “Vanilla? Do you mean Classic?”

“YES, NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION, HUMAN.” he spat as he crossed his arms, waiting for your answer.

“If you mean all of you being the same two monsters, then yes, he did.” You replied.

He nodded solemnly. “GOOD. NOW, THAT’S ONE WEIGHT OFF OUR SHOULDERS.” he stated vaguely, looking thoughtful.

“Huh? What do you mean?” You asked him as he stared at you for a moment.

“WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID THAT THERE ARE OTHER SANSES AND PAPYRUSES WE’RE HIDING?” Black told you with a smug grin, which caught you off guard. This was the first time you saw him having a different expression other than a neutral scowl.

You stepped back from shock, feeling a migraine coming from this sudden revelation. “Oh for star’s sake, dude, really?” you asked exasperatedly as he laughed, amused from your reaction.

“I’M BEING TRUTHFUL HERE, HUMAN.”

You sighed tiredly, rubbing your temples. “Well, at least you told me now rather than later. I really don’t want to suddenly see a new skeleton and not expect it.”

You went past him, wanting to grab a coffee. He followed you to the kitchen, and requested for coffee as well. You gave him it and cooked breakfast with Black for everyone in the lodge.

You placed all of the pancakes on the dining table, knowing full well that the lazy or laidback skeletons will wake up soon.

“So, how many of them are there? And what are they like?” You questioned him curiously as you took a sip from your coffee, sighing contently.

Black looked at his coffee before looking up, his eye lights bore onto you. “THERE ARE THREE PAIRS OF SKELETONS, YOU HAVE YET TO MEET. AND THEY ALL LOOK THE EXACT SAME AS CLASSIC AND CREAMPUFF, BLUE AND ORANGE, AND RED AND EDGE.”

You hummed, nodding along. “They are pretty much clones.” you couldn't help but comment.

“INDEED,” Black nodded as he drank his coffee. “BUT OF COURSE, THERE ARE SOME DIFFERENCES…” he trailed off for dramatic effect, making you anxious.

“Like what?” You asked, sweating slightly.

“SIZE DIFFERENCE, FOR ONE; THE SANSES ARE ALL SIX FEET FIVE INCHES TALL, AND THE PAPYRUSES ARE SEVEN FEET SIX INCHES,” he informed you nonchalantly as your jaw dropped.

“Holy shi-” You backpedaled when he narrowed his eye sockets at you. “Schnitzel! That’s crazy!” You quickly said.

He snorted in amusement as you slumped in your chair, staring at the ceiling. You wondered what they are like. Are they the same as the skeletons you know in terms of personality? Then your thoughts eventually landed on Red— the guy who always seems to despise you, perpetually in a sour mood every time you see him. Even his brother, Edge, managed to be friendly with you, despite his backhanded speech.

What was the bigger version of Red like? Was he the same as Red? Just imagining Red, but so much larger, looking down at you with scorn… The thought of it terrifies you.

“HUMAN,” Black’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “I RECOMMEND MEETING THEM TODAY, RATHER THAN LATER. THAT WAY, YOU’LL HAVE GOTTEN USED TO THEIR LARGE PRESENCE THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET THEM.”

“I don’t know, Black.” you muttered, uncertain about meeting them today.

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAMING WHEN THEY SUDDENLY APPEAR HERE ONE DAY,” he deadpan.

You thought about it once more, once again terrified meeting a larger version of Red. But after a few moments, you eventually nodded. Black huffed as he finished his coffee as Rus walked in, yawning.

Rus was a very quiet guy, only speaking when Black addressed him. You watched as Black yelled at him to get his own coffee, and Rus complied.

Rus took Black’s empty plate and mug, and surprisingly, yours too. He usually doesn’t want to involve himself with you, always so distant. Maybe he’s just in a good mood, You deduced.

“BY THE WAY, HUMAN. I WILL NOT BE ACCOMPANYING YOU WITH MEETING THE OTHER SKELETONS. YOU WOULD HAVE TO GET EITHER CLASSIC, RED, OR BLUE, TO GO WITH YOU.” Black told you as he stood up, his back turned. “I HAVE WORK TODAY, AND SO DOES MY BROTHER.”

You shrank in your seat, disappointed yet understanding. “Alright, I’ll go do just that. Thanks, Blank, it was nice chatting with you.” You said sincerely. If Black didn’t have his back turned, you could’ve seen the purple blush on his face.

You heard him huff before he left the room, leaving you alone with Rus.

You tried to start a conversation with him, but he only ignored you. You supposed that it was okay, the silence was comfortable anyway. You eventually decided to find Classic or Blue, to take you to the other skeletons Black was talking about. You waved Rus goodbye before going on a search to find Classic or Blue.

~~~~

You couldn’t find Blue and Classic anywhere. You went to their rooms but nothing. You even go to their favorite spots in the lodge, also not finding them there. You were getting a bit frustrated trying to find them before you bumped into Red.

“so what got you all worked up, huh?” Red spat, looking at you in disdain, and you felt yourself getting irritated by his gaze.

You clenched your jaw, trying to maintain your composure. “I’ve been looking for Classic and Blue, but I can’t seem to find them anywhere.”

“they’re visiting their friends together,” He shrugged.

“Their friends?” You asked curiously, calming down a bit.

“yeah,” he said simply. “and what do you need them for?” Now it was his turn to ask.

“Black told me that I should go meet the other skeletons you guys are hiding.” you told him bluntly. “And he said that I should go ask Classic or Blue so I can meet them.”

Red scoffed, crossing his arms. “of course that fucker did.” he grumbled. “if ya want to find classic and blue, they’re actually with the others right now.”

You deflated. “Oh, okay then.”

Red stared at you, then groaned, running a hand over his face. “aight, stop making that dumb as fuck face, i’ll take you over there instead. i was gonna go there anyway.”

“Really!?” you beamed, grabbing his hands in your excitement.

“yes, now can you let go of my hands.” he scowled at you, sweating a bit.

You blushed slightly before letting go of his hands, embarrassed. Red sighed before walking to the door that leads outside.

“ya coming or not?” he called out as he opened the door.

You ran up to him.

~~~~

You and Red were walking deep into a forest, surrounded by the sublime sights of nature. You were starting to think anxiously— thinking that Red was planning to murder you or something, finally getting rid of the person he despised.

As you look around your surroundings, you couldn’t help but glance at Red every now and then. He was ignoring you as he walked forward, an awkward expression on his face, sweating.

Ok, maybe you’re overthinking things; maybe Red was really leading you to wherever the other skeletons were, and not planning to kill you. But it was extremely awkward— you couldn’t muster up the courage to start a conversation with him at all. It was just that awkward.

But this was so much better than his usual demeanor; completely standoffish around you.

Red suddenly stopped in his tracks, and you followed suit, albeit in confusion. Then he pulled out a futuristic-looking device, pressing a couple of buttons. You watched as the trees in front of you shifted into a large mansion, making you gape.

“WHAT?!?” you screamed, trying to process what had just transpired. If you were looking at Red at that moment, you could’ve seen him looking slightly amused at your reaction.

“a big house for big idiots,” Red stated as he walked towards the mansion. You stood there for a moment before catching up to him.

The two of you eventually reached the fancy-looking front door as Red rang the doorbell. You heard loud noises coming from the other side, making you nervous. You watched as the door swayed open, revealing Blue, but he was much larger, making you feel tiny.

“Oh, Red! And You Have Brought A Friend Along!” his voice boomed. He had the same volume as Blue, thankfully. Though you had a feeling that it wasn’t his real volume.

“fuck no, they ain’t my friend.” he scowled.

“So, Just Acquaintances?” Larger Blue questioned, tilting his head in confusion. Red nodded at that as you sighed.

“Yeah, we’re just acquaintances, uh-” You trailed off when you didn’t know his name.

“Oh! I Forgot To Introduce Myself, Silly Me!” He chuckled heartily as Red went past him, getting inside the mansion. Larger Blue ignored him as he beamed at you. “I Am The Grand And Dashing Azure, At Your Service, Maiden!”

Aww, that’s such a fitting name— Wait, Did he call you maiden?!?

You blushed slightly as you told him your name. He knelt down as he kissed your hand gently, making your face explode, flustered.

He chuckled as he gestured for you to come in, a warm and welcoming smile on his face. “Come In To Our Lovely Abode, Dear Maiden. No Need To Be Shy.” You snapped out of your daze as you stepped in.

“Uh, Azure, have you seen Classic and Blue anywhere?” You asked as you watched your steps, feeling unworthy of walking around in such a grand mansion.

“They’re In The Living Room, Informing Us About You, Actually.” Azure hummed. “They Have Told You About Us Being All The Same Two Monsters, Right? Sans And Papyrus?”

You nodded as you smiled up at him, he smiled back but with a faint blush in his cheekbones.

He led you to the living room. If he weren’t there to guide you, you definitely would’ve gotten lost. You looked around in awe, spinning around. You caught Azure looking at you with adoration; you swear you saw his blue eye lights become hearts for a second.

You then suddenly got tackled into a tight hug. You knew who was hugging you, after all, he was the only person to tackle someone into a hug.

“MY FRIEND! YOU’RE HERE!” Blue exclaimed happily, making you giggle.

“Indeed I am,” You said as you hugged back.

Then Classic and his bigger self approached you, curious about the commotion. The gaze of Classic’s larger self landed on you, eye lights dilating. You don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Blue stopped hugging you as you looked between Classic and bigger Classic.

“sup, kid. looks like you’re here.” Classic greeted you, his trademark grin on his face. Bigger Classic continued to stare at you, his eye lights wobbly, blushing slightly.

“Mhm. Red helped me get here, actually.” All of the skeletons present were genuinely surprised at that.

“MWEH HEH HEH! IT SEEMS RED IS FINALLY OPENING UP TO YOU!” Blue laughed as the others chuckled.

You blinked, recalling Red’s face as he led you earlier in your mind. “You really think so?”

“OF COURSE!”

You giggled at that, before looking up to the bigger Classic, who seemed to flinch at your gaze, his blue blush became brighter. The others were trying really hard not to laugh, they would feel very bad for him if they do. 

You watched as he started to sweat nervously, looking away from you. You feel bad for this sweetie, he was just really shy and anxious to meet strangers like you. You were like him once, but you got over your anxiety after you met Blue. He was very gentle with you, always soft spoken back then. 

You don't want to scare this guy.

“What’s up, big guy?” you greeted softly, smiling gently.

“um- uh, hi!” he squeaked before pulling his hood up, hiding his face from the world.

Classic nudged him gently, a smug grin on his face. “kid, we call this sweet guy ‘marsh’.” you heard Marsh groan in embarrassment at Classic’s statement.

“Aww, his name is cute! He’s really mallow out.” you giggled at your own joke. If he's anything like Classic then jokes would make him open up, right?

“oh stars- marry me.” he muttered under his breath, but you could hear him just fine, your face turned pink as you looked at him in shock.

He immediately backpedaled, his eye lights dilating in horror. “wait! i didn’t mean-!”

Classic burst out laughing, clutching his stomach, and the others followed suit. You hesitantly chuckled along when Marsh laughed awkwardly.

“ay, what’s all this ruckus about?” A deep and gruff voice interrupted, gaining your attention. You immediately shrank, already intimidated by this new large skeleton. Oh god, you dreaded this, but you need to be brave.

You were already sweating a lot, just his presence was enough to scare you. Big Red’s gaze landed on you before smiling, his red eye lights seemed to soften, which caught you off guard.

“heh,” his expression screams ‘I’ve been waiting for this moment’. “do you have a map of this place? i keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“What?” You said, dumbfounded.

He reached out to you, placing a gentle hand on your cheek, making your face explode in red. He chuckled as he spoke. “do you have sunburn in your face, or are you always this hot?”

You were stunned by the difference between him and Red.

He withdrew his hand, grinning wolfishly. “but damn, i wish i had a picture frame with me, ‘cause, sweetheart, yer picture-perfect.” He said, his voice low and suave.

The other skeletons were watching this unfold, some were amused, and some were jealous at the easy flirting.

You sent him a pointed look, pointing your finger at him. “Stop,” he chuckled as he raised his hand in surrender.

“the name's crimson. can i get yours or can i call you—”

“Oh my god, please stop.” You pleaded, groaning as you covered your face.

“aww, don’t hide your cute face, sweetheart.”

You glared at him, feeling extremely embarrassed. The skeletons in the background (except Blue, he just stood there in shock) were watching this like a romcom show, entertained, making you groan in exasperation.

Blue snapped out of whatever stupor he was in. “ALRIGHT! ENOUGH OF THIS, CRIMSON! YOU’RE MAKING THEM VERY UNCOMFORTABLE!”

But this was okay with you... You had expected the giant skeletons to be intimidating, but they weren't like that at all; they were charming, sweet, and giant softies.

~~~~

Red was watching this from the background, appalled and disgusted. He just couldn’t believe that this guy was a version of him! He’s just a complete idiot!

He was embarrassed to be in the same room as Crimson. He didn’t want to be compared to that idiot.

B̶u̶t̶ ̶C̶r̶i̶m̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶ia ̶l̶i̶t̶e̶r̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶was brave enough ̶to show h̶i̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶s̶e̶l̶f̶

H̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶C̶r̶i̶m̶s̶o̶n̶.̶

[raceweek]

Hey what happened in the 2020 season with Alex? (Sorry new fan and still learning)

omg you never need to apologise to me for not knowing things i literally know nothing

the 2020 season from the alexnation perspective was like being in a hamster ball being hurled around for 5 months straight basically but here’s the breakdown:

so for context 2019 was really really good for alex he was promoted as a rookie and he shunted a fair few times and most of the time wasn’t on maxs quali pace but red bull were the third quickest team so he wasn’t expected to win or anything. alex ultimately beat pierres points tally from his 12 races in the red bull within 7 as a rookie so like. whilst it was insane behaviour for red bull to promote him in the first place he did perform phenomenally

then we turn to 2020 pre season testing. mercedes was dominant as per (dreamy sigh) and the red bull was quick but looked. edgy. for both alex and max but ferrari were fucking nowhere so it was still like really positive for red bull bc it was basically two extra places gained and then. global pandemic. and then as a footnote to the whole you know. global pandemic. sebastian vettel was dumped from the love island villa (ferrari (everyone gasped))

and then! triple header one and the first race in austria had max running an upgraded front wing and none for alex and it was like understood i think like it wasn’t a big deal at the time

and then everything that could have possibly happened. happened. in the race and alex and lewis…yeah. but the world did in fact keep spinning!

and then alex got p4 in the second austria race (altho. significantly off of maxs pace in p3 for sureee) and everyone was like if only max had a rear gunner (wistful) which in my opinion is an insult to lewis and the w11 but whatever. nothing else really happened here other than horner and marko making kissy faces at seb during this time but that’s just contextfkdkd

so then the next race in hungary alex qualified p13 and even though max only qualified p7 and it was the third race of the season alex was getting eaten alive and george was on live tv like red bull are making him look like an idiot and he’s not an idiot and they need to fix it for him and it was like fucking hell what is going ONNN we haven’t even made it to the third race yet (like imagine anyone coming out and declaring this after australia quali this year like. wild scenes)

so then one week break and then triple header two started and during the races at silverstone they start talking in the media about when the best time to demote alex is even though the only times he’d finished outside the top six was brazil 2019 and austria 2020 which. pls consult youtube if you need further info here

they also changed alexs race engineer in silverstone so More turbulence altho completely welcome this time (simon rennie come back we love u, ur so sexc haha x)

then during the final triple header 2 race in barcelona he gets put on the most ass strategy known to man like with context this was criminal behaviour actually

and then one week break and then triple header 3 starts (do you feel like a hamster yet) at spa and unbeknownst to us all at the time but later confirmed by will buxton and dts horner is in the mf pitlane in spa propositioning seb like one more year and then you can come home which. have some decorum alex is behind you in the garage. but anyway in the general media everyone was gagging for pierre’s red bull return so there were bigger fish

anyway. SPA. they did this to my boy

and alex made the best out of it but as per the comeback kid episode of dts that everyone loves (🙃) alex was made out to be useless and it was like. wtf did you expect

THEN between spa and monza helmut marko was like oh btw alex hasn’t actually had the same parts as max for most races this year okay bye and alexnation was like…wtf. but then no one else really cared and it was like UMMM OKAY

and then monza happened and alex was in a first lap sandwich involving pierre and then second lap crashed into grosjean (alexs fault - live laugh love x) and had a huge chunk of his floor missing so finished p nowhere and then. pierre won and good for her i guess but then ex drivers were on live tv demanding alex step down for pierre which like no one has ever done this in the history of the sport as far as im aware so it was fucking savage especially when this was the first race alex had finished outside of the points for red bull in (with the exception of the two aforementioned events)

and then mugello wooooooooooooo!! alexs first podium!!!!!! i was gassed at the time but it was sort of sad looking back like if you listen to his team radio across the line from getting p7 in canada and then compare it to his first podium in mugello it’s. yeah! we were enduring it!!

and then sochi happened in its own weird bubble and alex was nowhere really got caught behind carlos hitting the wall at the first corner after a poor quali and that was that

then. triple header number four starts with horner giving alex an ultimatum of we’re backing you but we want results in the next three races or ur finished hunny which. okay

then first race of the triple header max ends up blocking alex in his quali run (live laugh love 2.0 x) and then:

YEAH

nurburgring was the they race me so hard incident. available to view elsewhere bc god knows im not reliving that!!

imola was again nightmarish. red bull media team said alex was working with a mental coach (patrick his trainer had got mental health qualifications basically) and was supporting him etc which. here comes paul di resta live on air laughing about how max wouldn’t need mental support. it was once again. brutal. especially bc he was getting a load of xenophobic abuse online already like fuck off

back on the track alex basically spun on his own but thought he had been hit and no one thought to tell him before he went into the media pen that he hadn’t actually been hit so it was fucking awkward and yeah twitter was brutal again

then istanbul happened. red bull looked promising but both max and alex finished well off so it was just whatever really lewis did a madness no one really cared about red bull

then final three races of the season started with the grosjean crash in bahrain which ended with alex on the podium and then checo won sakhir and alex wasn’t really there and then we were at the final race in abu dhabi where red bull officially signed checo (as confirmed by will buxtons analysis of the curtains. god i can’t believe this season was real)

but alex didn’t find out for like two weeks later when the season was well and truly over and was taking drinks to the factory for everyone and it was heartbreaking and then he didn’t have a seat and spent the next year saying it killed him so. yeah…TA-DA

[hotmessmaxpress]

Firstly, your writing is a gift from god.

Secondly, I am begging you for a Vale POV of Marc in the yellow shorts (OF au)!

I mean, firstly, he is a possessive mf and seeing that definitely gave him a heart attack, but secondly he couldn't really have known that Marc was a big fan, right?

Like yeah, Marc knew him/his tattoo, but like he's Valentino Rossi, if Marc is into motorbikes, he knows Vale, it doesn't mean he likes him. And he might have only showed up at that GP because of the situation or because he's a MotorGP fan. But the SHORTS?! Like damn, that boy loves you.

This is, dare I say, not good. But! It is words! It's words that I put together! It's something!

Thank you for sending in a prompt and for your support 🤍 I'm really hoping to get back in a better writing headspace soon! Until then, I hope this is okay.

Rosquez OnlyFans au, interlude: Vale's perspective of the Tiny Shorts

Vale is frustrated, nearly vibrating with pent-up energy despite winning the race over the weekend. He’s desperate for something to take the edge off, but nothing feels quite like what he had with Marc. 

He tries running, hoping to tire himself out enough to make his mind stop racing. When that doesn’t work he goes cycling, but he can’t stand to be on Tavullia roads without an engine between his legs. He goes to the ranch and putters around, lubing bike chains and checking oil and air filters. He can only check the tire pressure of so many tires though, before he feels like he’s going insane and he goes home.  

He finds Marc’s DM as he’s oscillating between laying on the couch and feeling restless, walking around the house and feeling restless, and walking around outside and feeling restless. 

It’s long: a wall of angry, betrayed text that feels like a knife to the gut. Vale knew that Marc wouldn’t exactly be happy about being blocked, especially considering the amount of financial support Vale provided, but he hadn’t expected it to take an emotional toll on the young creator. 

You didn’t have to kick me out of the paddock. 

Vale doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but with a sinking feeling he texts Uccio. He knows that Uccio is just being protective of him, but it’s frustrating to think that Marc could have been in the paddock, so close to seeing Vale, but apparently removed. 

Vale and Uccio argue and Vale follows Marc on Instagram. He tells himself it’s out of spite, but then he spends the next several hours looking through Marc’s substantial number of posts. Marc’s instagram is much different than his OnlyFans, for obvious reasons. He still posts a lot of pictures of his collection of bikes (something that Vale’s cock takes interest in), but he also includes photos of his home and his dogs. It’s surprisingly domestic, and Vale finds himself unexpectedly invested in Marc’s home life. 

The next post from Marc is… hot. He’s working out, sweaty and shirtless. Vale watches it more than once, taking in all the lines of Marc’s body. He’s seen them all before; he’s seen his abs flex as he rides a cock. He’s seen his strong thighs bounce him up and down. It feels like there’s no part of Marc that Vale hasn’t seen, but there’s something about seeing Marc like this that really does it for Vale. 

The posts continue, with Marc in various states of undress and various levels of sweatiness. Vale turns on post notifications and becomes bolder about liking Marc’s posts, not at all mindful of how quickly he likes them. He jerks off to some of the posts, feeling a little guilty about it, but he can’t help it. He’s caught in a limbo between not wanting to piss Uccio off (and possibly damage his reputation if someone were to notice his social media activity) and wanting to claim Marc’s attention for himself once again. 

One day Marc posts a workout video. It’s similar to the others, but Vale realizes immediately that the shorts Marc is wearing are his shade of neon yellow. They’re tiny, so tiny that Vale is surprised Instagram hasn’t flagged it as porn. 

Vale likes it immediately, and then as his mind spirals he opens his own merch website. The shorts are nowhere to be found, which means that Marc hasn’t bought them recently. 

Which means he must have already had them. 

The bikes, the recognition of the tattoo… Vale selfishly wonders how big of a fan Marc really is. He wonders if Marc found him sexy before they began their OnlyFans repartee. When did Marc buy those shorts? What has he worn them for?

Vale is hard, painfully. He pulls his own cock out unceremoniously, watching the video on loop while he fantasizes. He pictures Marc shirtless, with only the tiny shorts on, rubbing his cock through them. The shorts are tight enough that Vale knows he’d be able to see every vein, every detail of Marcs’ hard cock. He imagines Marc coming in them, soaking the front of them. Vale wants to press his face to the front of them and lick. He wants to taste Marc’s cum through the fabric of the merch that bears his name like a brand on the ass of them. 

He takes a shower when he’s done jerking off to Marc’s video and the embarrassment has passed. On impulse, he sends a message: I’m sorry you were removed from the paddock. He has no idea if Marc will want to speak to him, but it’s clear to Vale that he’s not going to be able to stay away. There’s just something about Marc that draws Vale to him. There’s no way Vale can go the rest of his life without Marc. He has to see this through.

[trashworldblog]

hi! I am currently writing 2 papers atm so this unfortunately has to be brief:

steven lim has had such a big impact in me, more then he will ever know. and i am going to try to articulate that now.

his choice to go from an Actual Engineer to his passion means a lot to me. in highschool i was one of those (assholes) who were just really fucking good at school. i really could have shot for a stable, high paying, grueling, passionless, sad career if i wanted it. but i didnt! im following my dreams to make videogame art and work in 3d modeling and animation, and i really love it. its genuinely a passion of mine, and ive met so many amazing friends and had insanely cool opportunities (i just finished a game for NASCAR! whaat??), and my future is looking so bright because of that choice to follow my passion. its so inspiring to see someone who is like you choose the path you chose, and see how it works out.

he has inspired me to explore different cultures from mine, and just learn what other peoples lives are like! im white, and i grew up in a small white suburb. i was (and am) ignorant on so much of the world. watching steven talk about his culture and bond with people over food has pushed me to reading books from others perspectives and cultures, learning languages, and generally just learning more from the people around me. love is stored in the kitchen, and im so grateful that he shares that love with all of us.

its no secret that watcher has had a huge impact on me (just Look at my blog lmaoo) they've comforted me when im at my lowest, ive made so many friends from this community, and everyday i get to log on and interact with you all, and that is a huge joy. without steven watcher wouldnt exist, and im so greatful that he stepped up and worked so hard for this all to exist. thank you so much steven, you deserve to be endlessly thanked for the priceless friendships youve given me.

ps: me and my good pal @shaniacsboogara have an elaborate inside joke that steven and her are sending birds to come and attack me and that has entertained us (and our poor mutuals who have to witness it) endlessly for over a year now. every time i hear or see a bird, i smile now thinking of steven, boog, and that silly silly joke.

[mecachrome]

very selfishly would love more of ur thoughts on oscar accommodating and mirroring lando.... as an insane landoheadTM ive been watching lando slowly match oscar's energy in the past year and its been driving me insane and ur SO right that oscars done the same thing!! kind of crazy kind of losing my mind would love to get more thoughts out of u

!!!!!!!!! hi kira i would LOVE 2 talk about this. also this answer may or may not be 2k words long

god there are so many Angles and Frameworks and Contexts through which it is possible to examine 814's dynamic that i constantly feel unhinged about it. and probably sound unhinged as well…… pls note that all of this is pure insanity from my insaneperson brain ⚠️ ;__; ok where to begin.

to me the thing about 814 mirroring each other is that in reality it's actually a metaphor for many different things ❗️ on one hand you can interpret it Literally as in a strictly physical sense—the idea of mirroring someone as running parallel and positioning yourself firmly opposite each other, as constructing intricate rituals in order to NOT touch the skin of other men, being so specifically magnetically repulsed that any contact is accidental and fleeting and causes you to spring away as quickly as you'd met. but then there is also the other sense of mirroring that is….. more amorphous and conceptual, e.g. how oscar has in many ways indirectly orbited lando his entire career and how although they've only been teammates for a year now lando has technically been a primary reference point of his throughout a majority of his teens. AND what i think is so interesting about that too is that if you look back at oscar's Evolution As A Person, you could argue that he's been purely Himself As He Is Now for a very long time... yes there've been minute fluctuations in maturity and just general cringeness and muscle growth and cheek fat etc. etc. but at least outwardly in how he communicates with other people and displays his mentality / innate habits / mannerisms he's basically been his fully realized adult self since he was like 17??? which obviously cannot be said of lando norris who has grown massively in appearance and perspective and assuredness and so on from the ages of 17 to 21 to 24. yet this constantly evolving & changing your_choice_of_lorde_album Growing Pains lando has always been a sort of distant static fixed point in the future of oscar's mind… hmmm. that's just part of it tho

basically 814 as they are now are sooo fascinating to me because again They Do Not (Consciously) Touch but they've still very gradually managed to build off the foundations of oscar's subconscious teenage mirroring by turning it into something… well perhaps not quite fully intentional (and isn't that almost better in the end!!!) but certainly more self-aware and generally conscious. basically: the Negative Space of landoscar's demonstrated "affection" is where their reciprocity lies! if that makes sense.

and i guess what i'm trying to get at is that… on surface level, it's easy to say that 1) Oscar has always only ever been himself (generally true) and that 2) As the guy who came into f1 at 19 and was continuously expected to meet his more extroverted teammates' energies lando is the one who's habituated to experiencing marked change (also fairly true), but this still obfuscates equally important facets of their personalities: i.e. that oscar may be the more ~intellectually~ inclined of the two (which also who Cares. completely totally off-topic LOL but personal pet peeve of mine is people acting like there is a discernible difference between a-level maths and whatever private tutoring lando did after dropping out when their job title is lichrally F1 Driver…?! both are negligible fractions of fractions of whatever postgrad coursework the team's Actual engineers have done!!! but anyway), my personal argument is that really oscar is so consistently himself BY having zero concept of himself. whereas lando….. actually does possess a very strong inner character and intense, at times destabilizing self-awareness but also boasts a higher eq that enables a very high capability for social camouflage.

……????????? this is like a 10-paragraph intro. What am i getting at.

so basically. Yes. mutual accommodation……. i think my main point is that despite lando's strong baseline character and idiosyncrasies and particularities and fussiness and general weirdness, He Can, when necessitated, (as long as it doesn't completely contradict his moral impulse etc. etc.) soften that edge and adapt to another person's expectations—Even if just to maintain bearable social rapport & conversation. whereas on the other hand oscar can sometimes actually be a lot more malleable because he doesn't really hold strong conviction in much outside the few non-negotiables in his life ??? (read: racing...) like yes he's still competitive in challenges and is pedantic as shit but also he kind of just Doesn't care……. so basically he's the perfect fit for lando. because he DOESN'T expect anything from lando and lando DOESN'T need to camouflage himself for oscar and because oscar interprets things straight-forwardly and at face value and reads lando's intentions in good faith and honestly probably like 30% of lando's overthinking is a result of people constantly assuming the worst of him so i think on some level it's like 👉 👈 when you're both a little weird and also weird in these little different ways but in the end those minute shifts are what make you compatible and fit you back together again ?!?!?!? as i said it's the negative space of it all.

so really landoscar are not totally "opposites attract" but they're also not identical "mctwins" or whatever because Nuance and Secret Third Thing and what's truly critical about their mirroring is basically that 1) they don't EXPECT the other person to do it 2) they don't INTENTIONALLY do it and 3) it only happens because they're intensely aware of the other person's personality and mannerisms and appearances... bref IT'S ABOUT THE CATALOGUING!! like lando saw oscar in 2023 for the first time and immediately went oh you've gotten taller? oh you have big arms now? and they can't help pointing out each other's hair and ALSO >portrait painting (gets ko'd) "do you like purple?" "...uhhhh i can do now" like WHO SAYS THAT? ANDDDDD this was after oscar had picked purple to begin with but lando was like Nooo you can't do that :/ so oscar changed even though he'd argued that he'd "already committed to it" literal moments prior. Many such cases (i'm not finding a chair anyone?). they make me feel insane.

right let me just finish up with a few more moments (if you're still reading i'm sorry) but Vocabgifset is kind of a rough overview of how, at the very beginning, i think oscar did come in with a very undefined approach to How To Be A Teammate ? and was ready to treat lando as he'd treated rob and logan and fred and whomever and maybe even reflecting the atmosphere as reserve at alpine a little bit idk—essentially more visibly abrasive and pedantic and generally annoying. Also (ahem) perhaps how he'd seen lando act around carlos and daniel before... Guy who has carlando tweets in his twitter likes. 😔

but of course lando REALLYYY doesn't like being unnecessarily corrected over ultimately inconsequential things and again his demeanor is far from bombastic when it hasn't been demanded of him, so i think oscar quickly recognized that in his character and learned to just play along with what lando liked and wanted—not because he was preoccupied with lando getting annoyed at him or thought that lando was sensitive or whatever and not because he himself is a pushover because of course there is a healthy & endearing amount of push/pull to their dynamic but just because he sincerely respects lando and with that respect understood that he didn't need to "force" their dynamic when it would prosper by just being himself and more importantly letting lando be himself……….. Or something.

which imo is basically the basis of their current communication style: a lot of wordless meaningful looks & expressions (because they're both entirely honest people in different ways) (SEE: VIRGIN RADIO UK) (the thing Is that lando has no verbal filter but oscar is the one with 0 control of his expressions and deeply revealing permablush), oscar always folding to whatever lando says in an interview, jumping into frame and following along lando's message in the british f4 anniversary video, listening to lando's music through the walls of their driver rooms, and of course any instance of their Soft Talking Voices such as → "yeahhh you're up there" "aww (genuinely a little pleased and flustered)" and CAT 5 behind the scenes smoothie convo and oscar patiently waiting for lando to finish speaking and not wanting to enforce his presence but always being there and ready to help him….. like the worst part 2 me of the "well-represented" video is that andrea turns to lando first and tries to help him but lando is Still processing and Not listening so THEN he looks at oscar to be like um i don't know the word and that's when andrea looks back at oscar expectantly 🥲😭😩!!!!!!!! what if i dyed. honestly. the category is truly just oscar being susceptible to Lando Norris…………… i could go on.

also >RANDOM MOMENT TOTALLY NOT IMPORTANT but the yes/no challenge is so devastating on every conceivable level and yet One thing that i do not think is discussed enough! is the way oscar physically leans into lando's space on the table every time it's his turn to answer the questions and Specifically how in round 1 the media people were trying to get his attention to tell him to put the mic pack into his pocket but he was soooooooooo focused and fixated on lando's face right up until lando turned to speak to the camera that he didn't notice for like 3 minutes. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. argh. the problem with oscar is that he's SINCERE. truly. "are you ready oscar piastri?" [zero hesitation whatsoever] "i am ready lando norris 🥰"

of course it's not like oscar doesn't introspect whatsoever because obviously he is very capable of self-assessing when something is important by an objective measure of success (aka recognizing deficits over a lap), but relative to lando's specific brand of overthinking & online lurking habits then oscar very much does.... basically underthink??? yes he overcomplicates simple ideas by being too literal but really as a person & conscious being he's great at living in the Present and filtering out excess noise. er... i won't delve too much into the ojp Learned Behaviors of it all and why he's so charming to older people specifically but basically Wwyd if an F1 driver microdosed autisticswag? joking. mostly. but i def agree re: your tags that oscar is never actually consciously trying to be a WELL AKSHUALLY guy because it's just fundamental expressive compulsion alkdsfhaldfh.

also specifically one of my favorite tiny little 814 things OAT is when lando says something unexpected or ridiculous and oscar parrots it back all high-pitched and breathily and disbelievingly like? Girl. this is super jank but perhaps you understand....... 😔

in the end it's getting asked >what have you picked up from lando and oscar saying Well everyone hmmms but not in the Special Multifaceted Uniquely Expressive way that Lando does ! whom I not only know well enough to intimately recognize this mannerism from but have also elected to mention multiple times in this interview. and at the end of the day...? maybe that's romanze

is this anything… idk. also i offer you the jankiest gif ever because i had to remove zbrown to fit them together (Which perhaps is also a metaphor for reaching each other Across The Distance NO PHYSICALITY REQUIRED!! ok i can't just keep saying see: [another random ass example] so i'll stop now but also see: eyebrow raise knowing smile at the end of the sim city video.) anyway why's this such another crasyinsane little moment of how they communicate with each other?! is it just me ?????????

alskfhsfd ok i'm so sorry. thank u for letting me ramble incessantly 🧡

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

What sort of jobs do you think the mercs would have if they weren't, y'know, mercs?

What Would The TF2 Mercs Jobs Be If They Weren't Mercenaries?

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Ough, I love this. It's a very cool suggestion, Anon. Thank you for asking! I've thought about this a couple of times, and I'm glad to get a chance to rant >:)

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Demo would get into pyrotechnics for a while, (shocker I know, but bare with me) he'd find himself setting up fireworks shows, making fireworks, teaching safety courses and all that fun stuff, but I don't think he'd be fulfilled in the same way being a merc would. He'd find himself being bored with the monotony of it all, only doing it for the money. After a while of this he'd finally just say fuck it, and try and look for other work opportunities, found an animal shelter in desperate need of new hires, submitted his application, and with in two weeks had become absolutely enthralled with his new job. He finds out he loves working with animals! He makes friends with every animal in the shelter right away, and gets a good chunk of them adopted each year or so.

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Engie would have most likely gone on to become a very successful engineer. Shocker, I know. He would have probably specialized in biomedical engineering. I think he'd go in with no particular job in mind, but then would be introduced into the idea of building prosthetics and become a prosthetist. He likes being able to help people with his creations. (MINI HEACANON / STORY) The first time he ever made a prosthetic was for a little kid who lost his leg due to a car crash. He was super traumatized from the accident and refused to let anyone near him, Engie spent about a year working with the kid to, one be able to measure and fit him for his prosthetic, and two, to just make the kid smile and make him less scared. When the job was done the kid was so happy, grinning ear to ear, he hugged Engie and was literally crying out of joy, that's when Engie knew he loved his job 😭

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Heavy has a doctorate in Russian literature, so I'd assume he'd go into the teaching field with that as his specialty. He'd find a university in need of a professor and work with students to help them better themselves. He just likes being able to share his experiences and perspective with those who want to learn. Very much a "Tuesday's With Morrie" type of teacher. Will literally do anything for his students by the way. He love each year he spends teaching, also loves hearing from his students after they graduate. Really just wants to make an impact on peoples lives anyway he can. He'd probably end up being a writer if he couldn't go into teaching for some reason. He'd write fiction mainly, maybe some life experiences too, for the same reasons above.

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Medic would have found a way to get his medical license back, legally or illegally (most likely the latter). And went on to continue practicing medicine, most likely in a country with more lax laws on human experimentation. If that failed, the local morgue is always hiring graveyard shifts, and when no one really cares too much about what happens to the corpses, Medic would find ways to keep himself very entertained. I also think he could be content working as a librarian! I don't know, like the gap between librarian and doctor is huge but I can just imagine him and Archimedes running a little library together, (Kind of like uh Blue and Linda from Rio, I'm really pulling out random media this prompt, 😭) I just feel like even though he's batshit insane nine times out of ten he can still enjoy a quiet, peaceful life if he wanted too. Probably still does a bit medical stuff on the side though, you just can't stop him.

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Scout is another case of me being unsurprising. He'd be a baseball star. It's really a toss-up on whether he gets super famous or just enjoys quiet success. If he's super famous you bet he's signing contracts for advertisements and other things you'd expect multimillionaires to be doing (He'd also be so thrilled to be a multimillionaire he'd be giving his mom her dream life) and just generally enjoying the fame. If he didn't make it into the big leagues, he'd still be successful in minor leagues. I'll even go as far as to say that even if he didn't make it big or even semi big, he'd become a coach little league/ high school /college and love it. Honestly, he would cry if one of the kids he coached went pro one day. (Maybe a Twitch streamer would also fit, but that's silly, right?)

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Sniper has always been into wildlife photography. He absolutely loves animals. He's naturally good at photography. I think him having good aim and a steady hand are a mix of a natural talent and years of training. His years of training would have just gone into photography instead of, you know. He gets very good very quickly, takes pictures you'd see hung up as decoration pieces, and definitely had a fair share of curious animals wandering up to him to check out his work. For a guy who loves animals, he's living the dream. Haz had a few less than steller run-ins during his time, but generally appreciates being able to enjoy nature and animals as part of his job.

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Spy being an actor would come naturally for him. He's great at switching his style, mood, character, etc. So he'd naturally be interested in a job where that skill would be valuable, then he finds out about how much money he can make off of acting and just goes straight in. I think he would end up being a really popular actor, people liking him in almost any role he plays, and would generally have little to no hater or bad press. He loves going over every new script and building up his character in his mind, then giving them a place off the page. He also loves going to fancy parties, so... Also, the first time he got a bad/negative review or comment on his acting, he cried lmao.

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Soldier would so be a historian. Like, hands down, only job I think he could have outside of being a merc. He can rant for hours about American history and knows so much about other countries too due to their involvement with America and a general curiosity, that he'd be a perfect to teach about history in museums, classrooms, or even just uploading videos online. Just put someone who needs to learn about history of any kind in front of him, and they'll learn more in the time with him than they ever have. Also! I'm not sure what these people are called, and I'm way too tired to look it up, but I think that Soldier would help new immigrants with leaning English and with getting their citizenship. Solider would also help refugees. Also also, he'd hold support groups for veterans.

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Pyro is normally headcanoned as a fire fighter or ex-fire fighter I'm pretty sure, but I think it's easy to forget that while Pyro likes fire, they like making firsvl, you know what else they like? Making art! So naturally, being a glassblower would be a great fit for Pyro. They love the job! The molten glass is mesmerizing to them. The artistic freedom is liberating. It's all just so great to them. They make a lot of flame themed pieces that and animal themed pieces. They mainly do pieces and sell them at markets instead of taking commissions for them. They're super happy with this life and have multiple pieces of their work displayed in their home. They sometimes get this feeling of missing something, like a vague memory, but they just continue to make new art to fix that, but oddly enough, they end up reminding them more of those distant memories. I wonder what that's about.

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I swore I'd get this out today, and I held myself to that, even though I almost passed out. (Not me posting this 5 minutes to midnight lmao) I only had three paragraphs left, and I was not giving up on them. I swear I'm trying to get better at consistency 😭

Anyways enough of that, I hope you enjoyed this! I had fun writing it. Trying to come up with different jobs for them is both really fun and oddly difficult. Anyways! The schedule for new posts will hopefully go as follows:

Mercs favorite books

Medic and Creepypasta

How the Mercs would react to a close teammates death

(Then any asks that come in would follow!)

So yeah! Busy weekend, but I'm not complaining:D

[kottkrig]

Love the variety of your character shapes! Sometimes from a character design perspective I get frustrated by how well (or not) that manifests in-game. I know all the model and rigging work for all the races would be insane but.. man, could I play a nelf boy that isn't built like a dorito? or a shredded human lady? It's hard to ponder a funny lil guy but all the options are "grizzled manman" or "cutesy wootsy femme"

Thank you!

Yeah it's one of those thing that shows the age of the game, though I'm aware that the engine probably has limitations because of it

I would love to be able to play a softer male character or a female who is built like a fridge, or a more androgynous look in general

[dilftesbiggestfan]

more dante pookie hcs plz its rare to see dante stans

on it bro I’m giving u mys and diaries hcs cuz why not we gotta be more annoying like laurence stans

Mystreet:

he gets Gene gifts every Father’s Day since from his perspective he was the one who raised him alongside his mom and was the only father figure he had :,)

Has like 12 guitars (this isn’t over-exaggerating)

started dyeing his hair blue after freshman year of HS, his natural hair color is black

he was a late bloomer so he looked more feminine while the others looked masculine and were developing quickly, Nana thought he was adorable which is why she dated him also at some point Zenix thought he was a girl 💀 after 16 he started developing quickly and becoming more masculine till he finished puberty at 20

grew up in Nashville before moving to the city pdh is located in then he went to college in Spain then he moved to wherever Mystreet is (still haven’t decided but its the USA).

has a masters degree in engineering, and has a great paying job which makes it easier for him to travel a lot, he always takes Gene and his friends/family with him though, he hatessss travelling alone

ages gracefully currently he’s 34 in my rewrite and he still looks 24 same goes to gene (but Mystreet seasons 1 - 3 takes place in their early 20’s and mid 20’s; which is the past I know it’s confusing but so is my head so yeah. If ur wondering seasons 4 - 6 don’t exist and never will be canon to me :))

pretty masculine but still uses makeup and “women’s” perfume / skin care doesn’t care tho

cooks really well but he’s not the best because Laurence is and no one else can compete

when he was dating nana he learned Japanese for her and can speak around 80% of it, basically he can hold up a long conversation he can also speak other languages:

English (obviously, American accent)

French 65% Spanish (Mexican dialect cuz he’s Mexican)

(Spain dialect, he learned the European dialect first then worked his way up to Mexican dialect, he can switch between dialects easily)

he can also understand some Portuguese :)

very picky with fast food, he prefers healthy food but he does like pizza

really calm and chill (unlike his canon version) opposite to Travis who’s extremely chaotic and messy

long hair and refuses to cut it

Eventually he does dye his hair back to black in his 30s after feeling like he damaged it (thankfully he didn’t and won’t be balding like dilfte 😇)

Favourite band is Metallica

nerd when it comes to astrophysics and astronomy

only ex he’s in good terms with is nana who he dated for a while in HS before they decided to mutually split up (no he never dated Nicole I hate that ship)

MCD:

Loves wolves and tames them he treats them like puppies even though they can rip apart peoples flesh :3

is 7’2… …. ..

insanely beefed up because bro ran a village all by himself for 15 years and trained hard everyday also he canonically beat both laurence and garroth in a fight after the timeskip he’s a beast

ambidextrous and can use both arms efficiently when it comes to combat and fighting

Dilfte rarely shows his face like how Garroth used to wear his helmet back in s1? it’s like that

Extremely gentle and cautious with his wife and kids because of his size

has 7 kids including Dmitri and naoki (so 5 other kids) yeah he been busy

in s2 he’s in his early/mid 30s but in s3 of MCD and afterwards he’s in his early/mid 40s

Still madly in love with his wife and still in that honeymoon stage

Unlike Nicole he let Dmitri pick who he wanted to live with and Dmitri chose Dilfte and Nana

Wraps injured people up in his cape and carries them in it

physically very strong slightly above garroth (if we’re counting physical strength and not magic)

as intimidating as he looks he’s super sweet and wouldn’t hurt a fly

likes to go on picnics with his kids and wife

Extremely supportive of his kids and very progressive (keep in mind this is the medieval ages so it was rare)

finds lizards intimidating

bisexual but he doesn’t know what it means all he knows is women and men are both hot

Moved on “quickly” from Nicole because they already were unhappy and distant before breaking up, for months he thought they’d break up the next day so he spent that time wallowing and grieving their relationship until she broke the news to him and left him alone, then he moved on with Nana 2 months later. Which isn’t even quick if we’re being historically accurate.

limits drinking and refuses drinking around any kids, not that he’d go crazy and hurt anyone but still he’s extremely cautious.

Dilfte is probably the only dad who wants his kids to surpass him in the series 💀 he’s very proud of them no matter what though

long hair he puts it up usually (balding and short haired dilfte/dante ur dead to me.)

beard

Still tried to talk to Gene using the amulet even after the incident, Gene would always listen but never respond.

thanks for fuelling the hyperfixation

[lloydfrontera]

weird i thought lloyd would be in textbooks for generations to the point students will curse his name for making their tests difficult/it's this guy again types of questions but nope he just vanished from history and only a handful knows him

speaking of does his summons, skeleton corps and yongyong still exists and with him?

weird i thought lloyd would be in textbooks for generations to the point students will curse his name for making their tests difficult/it's this guy again types of questions but nope he just vanished from history and only a handful knows him

i mean. do you remember the guy who revolutionized the history of civil engineering and architecture in your country?? the guy who changed the history of building construction and sewer systems a couple centuries ago??

like. personally i am not very informed about that topic cause it's not part of my daily life! i imagine it's different for, y'know, people who have to study the topic and will make a career out of it.

for all we know lloyd is still very known but just to the people the system told him he would be remembered by: engineering and architecture students and teachers.

[Hell's Top Talent] [Title Level: Hero's Journey] Okay, it's time to study the railway of the past. Open your History of Modern Civil Engineering Book to page 359. Yes. That's the famous Pantara Railway, which I'm sure every one of you knows. Student in the front row. Could you briefly walk us through how this railroad came to be? Excellent. That's correct. The Pantara Railway, just like what the student said, is a masterpiece built by Lloyd Frontera, who received an order from the Magentano House. Hahaha. Are you all bored? It's Lloyd Frontera again. Look at this section, and you'll find Lloyd Frontera. Move on to the next part and you still find him. I, too, am sick of him. Had it not been for him, we would only have one eight of what we will study this summer. But what else can we do? That son of a gun set the groundwork for the civil engineering of our empire. So, it would be unfair if we were the only ones to suffer, no? Let's hit the book. Come now. Let's study harder, create new theories and make it harder for the students who'll come after you all. All right, so the Pantara Railroad introduced the switchback system for the first time in the world...

again. does this sound like something the every day person would be studying?? yes, lloyd did leave a very big mark in history, one that will last for centuries, but it doesn't mean literally everyone will know about him. just... the people who are most involved in the field he worked in.

who's to say there aren't a bunch of students in the background of rakiel's shenanigans, cursing lloyd's name or making little altars in the back of their classrooms every time a test comes and they have to answer insanely complicated questions that only exist because lloyd did a bunch of stuff 300 hundred years earlier??

we just don't get to see it because it wasn't relevant to rakiel's journey </3

also. the sequel is mostly from rakiel's perspective. and rakiel is busy. he hasn't traveled to a lot of places where lloyd went. his field of work is extremely separated from lloyd's. he has no reason to really think about lloyd and yet he does! several times! he hasn't been forgotten he's just not relevant to rakiel's daily life.

just because you're famous in one field doesn't mean everyone will know of you! just to the people invested in that field and maybe a couple adjacent ones!

speaking of does his summons, skeleton corps and yongyong still exists and with him?

the summons yes! lloyd himself confirms that he has ppodong and the rest of the gang with him in heaven. i don't remember if he has mentioned the skeleton corps or yongyong yet, but lexi is working with javier so?? it's unclear.

[bloodgulchblog]

Forgot to mention that I finished 2001: A Space Odyssey.

I would say it shows some of the very best qualities of mid-century sf. While obviously very dated, it's actually pretty fun letting Arthur C Clarke write for you about what he thinks space flight will be in 2001 from his perspective very shortly before the first moon landing. The man loved describing procedures and sketching out the engineering, and was eyeball deep in everything at the time.

It's definitely on the harder end of scifi, at least if you let it get away with its premise that early hominids weren't developing tool use or eating meat on their own (insane, but critical to the premise) and you can tolerate the extremely trippy (and quintessentially 60s) ending.

Downside: It's 1960s about women (mostly omitting them or showing women in smiling service roles) and everyone is safe to assume white and American except like, one Russian guy. It's relatively nonpainful for 1960s sf as far as these things go, but it bears saying.

If you put me on the spot and ask me to say something that maybe sounds smart about it, the best I've got is that a mythos of humanity requiring a benevolent outer entity to intervene in order to develop higher intelligence and society? Pull the Halloween mask off and guess who: it's a narrative about "higher" societies and "lesser" ones inherited from the age of colonization again! (It really does just keep turning up like a bad penny once you start looking for it in your fiction?) But that's not like, the central thesis of 2001. It's what they're using to excuse the mystery and wonder they were going for, and.... Okay. I can roll with it in good faith.

If you've seen the movie, it really is the four major sections of the movie (monkey time, space plane, bowman and pals on discovery, insane endgame mindfuck) and even though there are some mildly different details, you can tell the two things were being written together. If you're like me and have no patience and can't stand a fucking mystery, the novel's willingness to spell everything out about what's going on is so soothing.

The most important thing of all is that Hal was just a little guy trying so hard to do a good job and ending up in an impossible situation. He was just a little baby. Not even Bowman can hate him.

[holygroundgone]

AND WHEN IT COMES TO CHU WANNING

His mental illness is very much a big part of his character!

His strong moral convictions and stoicism and asceticism are only compounded by his strong belief that he's an inherently insufficient person, that he's too stiff and harsh and ugly to be liked by other people.

You can point at his disciples and Xue Zhengyong and say that belief is misplaced, but is it really? His perception of the world and the way it reacts to him is incurably pessimistic, yes, but it's true that people avoid him. Chu Wanning's disciples might genuinely like him but all three have their reasons for avoiding him or acting aloof with him.

It isn't enough to break past his existing convictions. He is not going to act in a way not backed up by his own perception of how the world is and how it reacts to him.

If he believes he is unlovable and too old and ugly why on earth would he ever open up in the slightest about his feelings for Mo Ran? His sense of propriety as a shizun and in general is very strong. He wants to do things the right way because he feels like because it's himself, if he doesn't do it the right way it will be unforgivable.

His incredibly low self esteem is something he has come to terms with in his life and has accepted as a matter of course.

There's no point in apologizing or making excuses for himself when it'll only make him look like a hypocrite when he continues to act in the only way he has ever learned to be. There's no point in softening himself if it'll only result in him being thrown away. He's lived this way so long, wouldn't he look insane to change now? And if he did, what would it reveal about him to other people?

I also see a lot of people castigating Chu Wanning for his attachment to a young Mo Ran which I feel is unfair given:

1. He actively distances himself from Mo Ran and does his best to avoid showing him favor because of his infatuation (which ironically causes a lot of the mishaps in the book but i would say he tries to act responsibly in regards to this) and successfully shows no signs of this attachment that anyone and especially Mo Ran can recognize

2. He's aware that he's like this because Mo Ran is from his perspective the first person who chose him for him, is unyieldingly kind and affectionate despite Chu Wanning's instinctive hedgehog spikes. He's aware that it's his own pathetic failing for being such a lonely person.

3. It's explicitly stated that he never wanted anything to come of it, he never actually rationally wanted to be with Mo Ran beyond what his heart impulsively yearned for which he constantly got upset with himself for

The way that he punishes Mo Ran and uses physical violence on him especially impulsively when triggered by anger at Mo Ran's indecency or by his own jealousy is awful, a marked character flaw, but I think it's somewhat understandable when you consider the only example he had for a shizun in his life.

Huaizui is shown at the end of the memory scroll (and i would consider Huaizui's memory scroll to be incredibly (likely unconsciously) emotionally manipulative on his part, constructed in a very specific way that reveals Huaizui's flawed perspective) to react with impulsive anger and violence to Chu Wanning's disobedience. I really have to doubt that it was the first time he reacted in such a way.

I think through reverse engineering there have to be some of Chu Wanning's character flaws that must've come from Huaizui's upbringing- impulsive violence, the uselessness of apologies and excuses, hiding himself, an inability to do chores and basic self-care

Huaizui's few pieces of memories of a young Chu Wanning are interesting- in them Chu Wanning acts like a 'completely normal' and sweet child, but the Chu Wanning we know is naturally fussy, extremely stubborn with strong convictions and picky. In other words, he is autistic. But the child Chu Wanning in these memories shows very little sign of these traits. Did he change completely after what Huaizui put him through at the end there? Was every moment they shared exactly like those sweet and easy moments in the memories?

I really doubt it.

I think those memories were Huaizui's favorite moments with his undeserved disciple. His less favorite moments are easy to imagine, and so are his reactions to them. Chu Wanning was someone he always thought of with a dehumanizing and almost possessive sense of mind- "this piece of wood that I carved for the sake of absolving my sins". Any guilt he feels in thinking of a child in this way was clearly deserved and equally clearly not enough to stop him from locking him up in a cave and telling him to carve out his core.

Chu Wanning's self-dehumanization had to have come from somewhere, and I don't think it only started there at the end of their relationship.

Impulsive violence in reaction to disobedience is what Chu Wanning learns from a young age. And even then after whipping Mo Ran for plucking Madam Wang's rare flower he still questions himself and is questioning what he's done.

I do think that it's a flaw Chu Wanning still needs to learn and grow out of given that in postcanon after two years of living together he still whips Taxian-Jun- something the man is clearly terrified of.

In general I think ranwan have a lot to grow and develop from postcanon before they can be a genuinely healthy couple but given that from the bottom of their hearts they want the best for each other and for the other to be happy at any cost to their own person... I think they are going to make it.

[khaotunq]

trick or treat! 🦇🎃

Thank you!! ♥

I'm going to take this opportunity to be like HEY THESE ARE MY FICS~ on the off chance you haven't all gotten bored with me being a freak about it.

I've almost posted more fic in the past few months than I posted in the entire time I was in a previous fandom, which was over the course of 5 years or something. It makes me feel a little insane.

These are all Only Friends~ because I'm still being a freak about posting for other shows? (:

These first 7 are loosely arranged in a series but they can be read in any order/independently.

dare to try this love on for size - SandRay first time hook up fic. Written before episode 2 murdered me. Also my first time publishing an actual explicit sex scene, I think. So that definitely didn't have me hyperventilating in a corner or anything.

on my knees i think clearer - this is a very on-the-nose title. Nobody's making good choices here.

all that we intend - Sand's POV of the aftermath of on my knees...

most of what i remember - a follow-up to on my knees... wherein Ray's throwing himself a bit of a pity party, the darling.

how darling you've left your mark - idk apparently I went from never posting sex to posting plotless sex

for the days when i don't believe - canon divergent in the most. Ray wakes up in hospital after a drunken episode.

this version of you and i - Sand's POV of for the days…

And now the rest!

call me friend (but keep me closer) - a stream-of-consciousness internal-sometimes-external monologue from the perspective of a drunk Ray. This was the first fic I wrote and posted for the fandom so I'm inordinately fond of it even though it apparently confused that one bookmarker, lmaooo.

rearrange all the other working parts - pillow talk, but make it angsty?

until the engine turns off - Ray ruminating on leaving Sand to go pick Mew up, post Ep 3.

i can only give you (everything i've got) - Ray saves Sand, this time.

give that guy a trophy - wherein Ray finds out Sand was the one who punched Top that one time

a taste of poison paradise - BOSTONRAY bad decisions worse friendships <3

tomorrow could be kinder - SandRay bathtub scene after Ray's crash

the point - communication is sexy

like the coming dawn - Nick's POV from Ray turning up at the caravan

two parallel lines - the BostonRay friendship I desperately need