#from my story (not posted anywhere yet but maybe one day lol)

[beamsoflight]

Some doodles with my version of reader

[torusangel]

My love, mine all mine | Gojo Satoru

Description: A boy who has everything, and a girl who only has her love.

Warnings: fluff, mentions of abuse (not by Toru), maybe more but this is what I got right now

A/N: Inspired by Mitski of course. I wrote this all in one sitting and I’m just posting this preview of it to gauge interest right now to see if I should continue this or not! I kinda want to change it but I also think it’s charming so why not just put it out there and see how it goes? This isn’t edited or proof read at all either so might be a mess lol

People told you often that you wore your heart on your sleeve. Never one to shy away from how you really felt, you floated through life leaving your emotions to run free. You laughed, cried, hurt, and loved. Maybe loved too much, too strongly, too powerfully because the love you gave away would end up growing so strong that it hurt you too. There were people in your life who gave you love as well, but you soon realized that people could take that love away. Leave you with only your love to give, nothing else was ever yours, their hearts too easily taken back, promises broken without the bat of an eye, their whispers washed away by the wind.

You wanted to protect your love. After all, love was all you had left. As a little girl fairy tales and stories of princesses with their perfect prince gave you imagination. You dreamed of such devotion, for someone to sweep you off your feet and make you feel like the most precious girl in the world. You held love close to your heart. It’s what made you strong, and yet so fragile. Love fluctuated like that. Some days it’d have the power of a raging storm, able to tear down anything in its path, and some days it’d be so weak and meager that it would break with the flick of a finger. It was inconsistent.

Ever since you were a child your mother was the one who so adamantly taught you about love. She’d tell you how love was the most important thing in life, how you should never give up on your love and to hold onto it and never let it go. How love was what kept you alive. To live without love wasn’t living at all, and the importance of giving love. You saw her crumble and break under life’s trials and tribulations, the way she’d fall when your father hit her. You saw her dance in the living room all alone to music you couldn’t hear and the way her smile grew when you said you’d give your love to her. Your mother through all her hardships still had so much love to give. Sometimes you wondered if the reason your father was so angry was because he knew he didn’t have all of her.

Satoru grew up with everything. Born into a prestigious family, money bought him whatever he desired. He was the definition of spoiled through and through. He never found it strange that his father was always gone and his mother refused to look at him. Everyone around him said he was so lucky, so that’s how he always thought. People admired him, and as he grew up he realized he could make anyone love him. Satoru knew he was handsome, paired with his wealth he found that was the key to make anyone he wanted fall for his charms. Gojo Satoru always got everything he wanted except you.

When he first met you it was at the cafe on campus. Something about the way you carried yourself drew him in. He saw you and the confidence you held, the beauty in your stride, and he knew he had to have you.

When he first approached you that day you thought he was strange. He’d asked you out without a care if you rejected him or not, you later realized it wasn’t that he didn’t care he just never knew rejection in the first place. He said he’d take you anywhere you wanted.

“The moon, could you take me to the moon?” you asked him in earnest. For a split second you noticed his face change from flirty to confused but he easily bounced back.

“I’ll take you right now, how about it?”

Not one to say no to an interesting opportunity, you accepted.

[doraambrose]

saw ur batfam fanon takes - and question: can you even find fanfic that doesn’t have any of that?

i agree with 95% of ur post, but just on a personal level, I love a good dad bruce fic. bc i grew up reading comics and the good dad bruce panels were few and far between, I love fanon content of him fixing his relationship with his kids, it heals my inner child lol

anyways, back to my qs, do u have and strictly canon fic recs then?

Hello! This is my first ask ever so excuse my excitement lol. In terms of fics that are strictly Canon, I have not found one yet. There are some fics that have some of those elements, but theyre slight enough that it doesnt ruin the whole story. But to be fair, I haven't been reading a whole lot lately as I am very busy with work and school. I will admit that I do have some guilty pleasure fics that are definitely not Canon. @lightwing-s is writing a series called "baby steps" that I have been loving as a guilty pleasure. I'm also on this forum on the DC universe infinite website and a friend of mine who lives near my dad writes REALLY GOOD redhood stories and her dream is to write for him as a DC writer. That's invite only but maybe one day, I'll ask her if I can share some of her writing. I also dont read a whole lot of fics that don't center around Jason Todd. I'm also into sickfics and hurt fics, mental health, that kind of stuff (unfortunately thats where most of the bruce calling jason sweetheart comes from 🤢) There are some fics that I do like :

Pinstripedjackalope on AO3 has a couple good jason sickfics that show jason and Roy in a platonic friendship as well. The Curse of a Turkey Sandwich and Stick the Landing are really good

I just recently read this fic with jason and rose wilson that I kind of enjoyed, but I'll admit it's a little offbrand for Rose. It's also on AO3, it's Respite by Creatchure

There's a fic I have wanted to read but haven't gotten a chance yet called Nyx the destroyer from the shadows by killkid001

There's also this fic on AO3 that I loved a lot about Jason and Tyler and their first night together after jason adopted him. It was really great but I just can't find it anywhere now.

That's all off the top of my head because I have the memory of a goldfish but I'll post some fic recs as I find them :)

Thanks!

[caffeinewitchcraft]

How did you find the courage to start posting online?

Finding courage is actually why I started this blog!

I’ve always loved writing. The first book I wrote was in high school (and very rarely sees the light of day) back in 2010. I gave short stories to my family for Christmas in 2011 and I did write a little bit of fanfic back then.

But I never tried to query my work and I never posted anything online. I felt like my work wasn’t good enough for a multitude of reasons - too short, too long, choppy dialogue, not interesting, wrong punctuation, etc

Then I went to college and I studied English/psychology/writing for a little bit. One of my writing professors really pushed me to consider publishing (at that point I was on track to get a psychology degree) and I realized that that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be a published writer

But I was too scared!

I was frozen for years. I would write all these stories for fun and never had anywhere to put them. After I left the cult (lol) I ended up not having many friends to read my work either. I had my sister and my best friend from high school (both of whom I owe a lot) and they lived in a different city for most of that time.

College was a really bad time for me all around. I don’t talk about it that much because I very dearly want to be someone who can heal from trauma. But my writing at that time was viciously angry. I felt like I couldn’t share it because it would show everyone how awful I was. So I didn’t post online then either!

I left school and became an EMT with this idea that I was going to be a writer but I still couldn’t bring myself to query. “I need to experience more of life to write,” I thought. “I’m not good enough yet. The things I write are all too depressing or too escapist. One day I’ll write something amazing and I’ll know it and go from there.”

It was during that time (around 2016) that I honestly got sick of myself. I had a lot of insecurities and life was very difficult. It’s hard to explain exactly where my head was at. See, up until the creation of this blog, I was putting writing as a low priority in my life. I was going to keep driving an ambulance. I was going to go back to school. I was going to only engage In The practical side of writing (copy writing) and do other Meaningful Work like driving ambulances or maybe going to law school

But I wanted to write. And I knew I was scared. And I knew that part of what was holding me back were all these expectations from my family and from myself that I needed to focus on finding a career rather than in what made me so happy

So I made this blog! “No one I know will see this,” I thought. “I don’t have to tell them. I can write whatever I’d like without having to worry about hurting anyones feelings or making anyone upset.”

Well, I did make people upset! Hahahah, for some reason 22 yo me wrote a prompt fill of God trying to set up Satan with a guy. A looooot of people (like 6 which seemed like a lot at the time!) sent me messages about how awful I was for writing that and how I needed to take it down

Instead of taking it down or stopping writing, I looked at why I wrote what I did. I’m Pagan. Wby did I feel driven to write a story about God?

The prompt used language I disagreed with (I believe it called satan “a homosexual” like those old anti gay propaganda films) and I wanted to write something that was more positive and nuanced. The story accepted the idea that, at one point, being gay was a sin (I was just coming out at that point as well.) But I also wrote a God that was flawed, who recognized their flaws, and admitted that they made a mistake by trying to control love like that. God apologized to Satan for making him feel he was wrong and that he couldn’t love who he wanted. That story meant something to me who, despite being from an amazingly supportive family, still worried about people being jerks when I went out in public with my girlfriend.

And after looking at all that, I stood by my story. That’s important to why I keep posting online. I stand by what I write. Even if nobody enjoys a story, I like it. And so it stays up.

(Though I will admit that some aspects I’ve had to improve myself on. I had one person point out that I only used Anglo-Saxon names for all my characters. Meaning I only wrote white characters. So, after a lot of googling and reading, I set out to diversify my work! I wrote Firebreather after that, starring Nadezh and I am so obsessed with her.)

I kept the God prompt up and started receiving positive comments on it! I started writing more prompt fills. I’d write after hard 12 hour shifts. I’d write while in the ambulance. I wrote a very popular story from my phone!

I’m very, very lucky! I’ve always received very positive feedback on my stories here. There are people who won’t ever know it but they supported me through very difficult times.

Why have I written all of this? I definitely haven’t shared everything about my writing journey, or my life journey, but these are the highlights. Why share such a long answer to a very straightforward question?

Because I want you to have the context for when I say that the courage to post online comes from a deep and unending love for writing. For your own writing. For the magic that writing helps you create, for the excitement of finishing a story, for the thrill of understanding yourself a little better.

For me, the creation of this blog was an act of self love. I’ve said that on here before. I took an amazing gamble and I won! By posting online, I forced myself to confront my writing head on. People were seeing it and commenting on it, good and bad, and it forced me to interact with my work in a way I hadn’t before.

I started being able to look at my writing from a distance. There were some warts, for sure. But I looked at it and loved it all the same.

I stopped being so ashamed and fearful. My whole family knows about my writing now (that’s actually how I came out as bi to a few of them lmao) and I’ve self-published my own work.

I will say, that I’ve been very lucky on Tumblr. My experience doesn’t seem to be very typical and my blog is a bit more popular than I ever intended! I’m very grateful and blown away by it still.

Courage comes from confidence. Fake it til you make it! I used anonymity as a shield until I gained enough confidence to own my work proudly.

Thanks for the ask and thanks for bearing with my long response. I’ll most likely talk about how posting online affected my mental state and career more at a later date :)

Tl;dr: Love your writing unconditionally. Accept its flaws and know that you have the ability to improve it.

[cinamun]

Hey fren! I have a ton of questions. Lmk if I’m being too intrusive or nosey lol.

I love your story, I always have to give you your flowers when I write you!! All hail the Queen 🙌🏾🙌🏾💐💐💐

Ok my questions:

For starting out posting and editing, do you keep a schedule for yourself to stay organized? Rn I’m finally posting on my simblr after 3 years but I find myself just constantly taking screenies instead of posting and organizing the story. It feels chaotic lol the only organizing I’ve done just for game play in general is shopping for CC every other day (it’s an addiction)

A question I wanted to ask for a while is, if you are commissioning someone for poses what are the average prices you pay (or better yet, what do you think a good price is to pay for pose commission)? Sometimes I have these perfect poses in my head and when I’ve searched for hours I normally just end up giving up.

Lastly, I noticed your post from yesterday said you had 25 photos loaded in photoshop. Do you have all the art board (or images) side by side to edit them consistently and simultaneously?

Thank you if you answer!!

Good morning bestie!! Let me just go on ahead and adjust this crown right quick lol THANK YOU and I got you!

I'm chaotic and impulsive but I have a little bit of a routine. Follow me under the cut!

Okay, SO!! For the first question about posting and editing.... I usually have an idea for the next scene while working on the previous one. So when I go in-game for story updates, the idea is already there and I'm just setting up shots and making the scenes look good. I don't have a schedule other than my posting schedule, so when you mention last night, I was editing pics that I had taken earlier in the day or the day before. So my schedule is usually sitting in photoshop all night the day before I post.

For pose commissions, I've only done that twice. I've had real good luck over the years finding poses or animations for anything I've needed. I would say make an offer to donate to them if you know their shit is dope and move anywhere between $5 to $10 USD. For the poses I commissioned, they weren't released publically so that's extra special (tip them more!). Also keep in mind if you're asking for accessories to be used, how many sims are in the pose, etc. For pose searching, try to be as vague as you can. "ts4 cleaning poses" and then see what comes up is one example and don't shy away from animations! They work with pose player, most without WW and can make for some great screenshots.

I load up all the pictures in Photoshop plus whatever templates I'm using (like the texting one or the dust overlays), and edit in order of sequence. This is where all the dialogue happens so sometimes I edit out of order if I know the dialogue for one scene already and maybe not the others. I hope i'm making sense lol. I spend a lot of time on this part because the words might change given which picture I've decided on (some scenes I take multiple screenshots of and multiple angles and then decide later which one to use). I go pic by pic, doing editing and adding dialogue individually then saving them, closing them and moving on to the next one. Once I'm completely done then I flip through them a few times as if I were the reader to try and catch any typos, etc.

This got really long but let me know if that helps or if I can elaborate more!!

[killyertelevision]

@thecashandandrogyny hi here’s my little collection! i apologize in advance for how terrible the photo quality is and for how long this post is going to be

starting off with stereos👍👍

THIS asshole……i got it for 50 bucks at a garage sale & for breakfast it chewed on my copy of london calling on tape. the only part of it that hasn’t fucked up so far is the cd player which is pretty much all i’m using it for at the moment. wise advice from the guy who runs the local phys media music & records store: never buy a stereo/walkman/whatever if the brand is someone’s name. for the meantime it’s a shelf for my vinyls and hat collection

next is her. the cd player doesn’t work quite right (skips songs & butchers the quality iirc). when i was still using my mom’s old stereo as my main one i’d use this little sony to fast forward and rewind tapes, since those buttons didn’t work on my mom’s. it’s kind of just sitting there on my floor now !

to be honest i haven’t used this one yet but! she’s pretty & looks brand new. i think it was like $12 at a thrift store. score

the shitty ass photo doesn’t do this one justice it’s so cool looking in real life!!! it only plays tapes but it plays them well and it’s actually really small & very lightweight. i wish it ran on batteries too instead of cord only but oh well. i fucking love sanyo’s old music products

now my discmans…..

the two on the right i’ve had for a while and work beautifully. i usually only bring the sony out and about with me because it actually fits in most pockets and bags. the jvc is such an unfortunate shape that it’s pretty much impossible to bring anywhere. sad! & the one on the left i got last weekend at a garage sale. it works fine it’s just super fucking dirty and i gotta clean it still

e walkmans

the first one i ever got & my favourite & the oldest out of all of mine (1982). but i don’t think that even needs to be said because the sheer size of it gives away its age. compared to my hand it’s massive LOL my only gripe with her is the audio quality… it kind of sounds like you’re trying to listen to a stereo on middle volume while its like 30 feet away from you. there’s nothing wrong with it though its just wear and tear! i got it at a value village with the case and all + the leather straps attached to it are so you can carry it like a purse but i don’t dare try and hold it like that out of fear of the straps breaking

this one is somewhere in the mid 90s range + the second one i ever got + my second favourite! it’s waterproof and pretty much built for running with so it’s the one i usually bring with me out in public! like most of the walkmans i have it has a belt clip on the back (unlike the previous one where the belt loop is a part of the vinyl case) (i have to literally remove my belt to take that thing off which is a little embarrassing to do in heavily populated areas)

i originally got one of a very similar model at a thrift store but there was something wrong with it that made it so you could hear this clicking sound every time you’d play a tape. you could hear it even if the volume was way up so i passed it on to a friend of mine who liked the clicking sound and was in desperate need of a walkman. then i found this one on ebay for around the same price & it was in the box which was cool! nothing really special to say about it…….and i do have the headphones pictured on the box

and this is my most recent score!! ft dookie by green day. i got it at a local vintage shop. it’s old enough that it doesn’t have a rewind button which is kind of neat

now kind of miscellaneous stuff i have laying around!

radio headphones LOL. same story as that one sanyo up above: found og at a thrift store, and maybe might have broken it by accidentally leaving it in my bag for too long aand it got crushed by my books. it still worked, the plastic just broke so it didn’t quite sit right on your head & was uncomfortable to wear. a friend of mine willingly asked for them and then i found this pair (same exact model) on ebay and got it for like $15 cause i really liked the old one

these are kind of cool!!! if your car has a cassette player and you want to listen to a cd, you can put that tape into the player and connect the cord to a discman/cd player and it’ll play! vice versa for the other one: if your car has a cd player but you wanna listen to a tape, you plug that into the electric cigarette lighter and the cord into a walkman/tape player. these would be twice as awesome if i actually had a car. Lol

then this little portable radio! it’s kind of fun to walk around the house seeing where the signal cuts out & where it gets stronger. the metal antenna actually gets massive when you fully extend it

these are cool too!!! not pictured is the plastic piece that goes between them but i do have it (you can kind of see it behind the portable radio in the last pic). you put your walkman in the plastic piece and connect it to the speakers and it basically turns your walkman into a custom little stereo

and last but not least my dad’s walmart brand mp3 player he gave to me. it has a shit ton of faith no more, david bowie, and glenn danzig songs on it and it doesn’t stay alive for more than 30 seconds if it’s not plugged in

anyway that’s all i’ve got at the moment thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about them!!!!

[pastafossa]

Have you thought about printing copies of trt? I would buy it with zero hesitation lol

I have thought about it but uh.... Disney: *makes throat cutting gesture*

Basically, from what I understand, short of re-shaping TRT into something with completely original characters and a plot with all DD references cut, and then selling *that* book, I am unable to financially benefit from TRT in any way. This includes doing something like advertising a ko-fi anywhere near TRT. Or printing and selling copies, even just At Cost.

HOWEVER.

You are able to print at your own cost as long as you don't then sell it. I've gotten a fair amount of requests in my asks or messages about this, either someone who wanted to print or bookbind TRT for their own personal use. I haven't had a chance to answer all of them yet cause Holy Shit Moving Is Crazy and I know I've missed a few somewhere but I am totally fine with this. Anyone who wants to have TRT on their personal bookshelf is free to print or bind for their own use! Unfortunately, I just can't be the one to offer that to you unless I gave them away free. I might print a few when the story is finally all finished and do a giveaway but that's all I'd be able to do.

Rest assured, though, I am looking at eventually taking some of the general themes, Jane's character (along with Ciro and others), and a Matt doppleganger look it's Cat Purrdock definitely not Matt Murdock, and turning that into something completely original and maybe seeing if that can get published (this way I'd also be able to keep TRT posted online). So there may be some AU TRT adventures to buy one day! But for now, all I can do is give you permission to print or bind on your own. <3

[101flavoursofweird]

2022 Fanfic Meme Thanks to @samcybercat for tagging me in this!

Word count for the year: 112,950… More than last year, which is surprising! Maybe it was all those Owl House fics I wrote in a number of weeks lol

Number of stories posted to Ao3: Altogether, 151!

Pairings written for:

Claire/Hershel

Arianna/Luke

Luke/Marina

Randall/Angela

Brenda/Clark

Carmine/Zacharias

Katia/Dorothea

Flora/OC

Janice Quatlane/Melina Whistler

Willow/Hunter

Gus/Mattolomule

Mermista/Sea Hawk

Mirio/Tamaki

Fandoms I wrote for:  

Rhythm Thief

Professor Layton

The Owl House

She Ra

My Hero Academia

Most popular story: 

By Kudos, it’s What’s in a name? By hits, it’s Ready Now.

Story I’m most proud of: From Now On… A prequel to Ready Now, where Layton decides to look after the Barde kids. I find it hard to write from Layton’s perspective (because he’s much smarter than me), but I think I wrote him well here, with a lot of references to his past. (Randall, Claire, vague memories of his brother…) And I like the parallels between the Bronev brothers and the Barde siblings. I was kind of hoping it would get more attention, so if anyone fancies checking it out… The link is here. Please don’t be scared off Descole fans. I know it says ‘Descole isn’t portrayed in a good light’ but I only put that because I’m paranoid and it’s no worse than what’s seen in PL4, I swear 

Funniest: I Was a Blushing Teenage Abomination… Hunter doesn’t know how to process these feelings??? Isn’t embarrassment a bad thing??? Also, Gus using Hunter as a makeup model because he can 

Saddest: Probably Those Who Can’t, Teach, because it features Janice mourning for Melina (again). I actually put a possible depression warning at the start, that’s how sad it got.

Least Popular: It’s Where Your Heart Is but I posted that a few days ago and it’s for the tiny Rhythm Thief fandom, so makes sense… It’s there if anyone wants to read a short RT Christmas fic. 

Most Cringe-Worthy: I Was a Blushing Teenage Abomination but it’s meant to be like that. Hunter is cringe and he needs to accept that’s fine. 

Favorite Opening Line(s): Angela stands by, smiling, as Henry places his hand on Randall’s shoulder. 

(From Missing Conversation)

Favorite Closing Line(s):

“Never mind— you could always take my last name!” Gus finished signing the invitation as Matt spluttered.

Gus hummed. “We should ask Steve if he’s going, and see what he thinks of Mattholomule Noceda-Porter—“

“We will NOT!” 

(From “You can take my last name!”)

Top Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:  Willow saving Hunter from being possessed by Belos.

(A scene from an AU, Out of the Woods, but I’m sure there is fanart for something like this!)!

Story I haven’t yet written, but intend to: A fic with baby Willow and her dads, Harvey and Gilbert (Da and Appa)

Fic-writing goals for 2022: I so badly need to finish a long fic in general. I’m replaying Lost Future to finish the next part of Ready Now, but I also really want to write more of Clarity. Also, that other fic for Put Yourself Back in the narrative, featuring Clark and Brenda. I’m really sorry for anyone who is waiting for an update on one of my multi-chaptered fics. I just find it easier writing oneshots and I guess lots of oneshots is better than no writing at all. 

No pressure if you don’t want to do this, but I’ll tag…

[ninjadudettekira]

Happy American Thanksgiving, here’s art I did.  A few days ago was my birthday, got a new iPad been drawing and ended up with this.

Y'all know that post I did a few weeks ago about the Charmcaster, Darkstar, and Albedo team up? I'm writing a fic on that, it's not out yet because I'm trying to finish the damn thing before I post it so it's not stuck in editing hell like my other fic is.

Anyway at some point Sunny joins the group, and somehow I ended up with a new ship. (There isn't gonna be any Charmcaster x Michael in the fic btw.)

Full disclosure: The hands I had to trace from the reference I was using cause I couldn't get it right, and the background was from the show that I blurred and edited to make it fit the box. Maybe I’ll art dump on here or my DevaintArt (Kira-Sema) one of these days since I have drawn a lot from my phone, my sketch book, and my old iPad. I just haven’t posted any of them anywhere public cause it’s either traced from references/screenshots I used, traced of old drawings, or it just didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. (Or it’s for my Ben 10 AU that I haven’t made public and the drawings are spoilers for the story.) 

Under the cut I explain some of the story I’m writing and how this ship came about from it. (If y’all want to wait till I get to posting the story ignore the ‘keep reading’ cause it spoils the story.)

Aight so by the time I get to this point in the story, Charmcaster, Michael, and Albedo are more anti-hero than full on villain. They're more friendly with the Alien Force Trio, but not going out of their way to do anything "good". (Canon still kinda happens except that Enemy of My Frenemy happens before Girl Trouble.)  Michael has a better grasp with his powers and doesn’t have to feed on people to get mana, Charmcaster ended up helping with that by giving him tiny bits of her mana at a time till he turned back to normal. He still can accidentally absorb mana if he touches someone who has a lot of power so he refrains from having physical contact with Charmcaster and Gwen. (And if he does it’s for a short time or it’s channeled through someone else to channel back to the original person. Is that possible? Idk but I’m doing it lol.)  Albedo is able to use mana too, but it’s weaker. (The same level as Kid Gwen’s when she was just starting out, so his mana is blue over being pink/purple. He has to rely on using spell books over being able to channel mana by itself.) He’s been trying to use mana to try and get back to being a Galvan, but he can only be a Galvan for a short period of time. Instead of Sunny being taken back to Anodyne by Verdona, Gwen makes the suggestion that they take her to Hex’s mansion and have her be with Charmcaster, Michael, and Albedo to try and get Sunny to change her attitude a bit. Michael is smitten as soon as they meet, and for actual reasons not because of her being a more powerful Anodite.  In order for Michael to be able to touch Sunny without draining her, they use Albedo as a conductor since his mana is still weaker than theirs. During this time Albedo is working on refining Michael’s gloves so they can be an insulator so it limits him being able to absorb someone’s energy. At first it’s only so Michael can be able to safely have physical contact with Sunny, but after some time Albedo gets feelings for Sunny too. (She also constantly flirts with him as well.)  The way I’m writing this is that Michael and Albedo are both with Sunny, but the boys aren’t together. Could that change? Dunno, but I don’t think so cause before this point in the story I already established that they, along with Charmcaster, see each other as siblings. (Which is why Michael isn’t with Charmcaster, their relationship is platonic in here.) 

[myqueenmarceline]

2022 Fic Roundup Meme

Tagged by @bright-elen (I know you didn’t really tag me but I want to participate lol)

Word count for the year: 24704

Number of stories posted to Ao3: 6 (+4 longer term stories I updated a lot)

Pairings written for: Marceline/Princess Bubblegum, Root/Sameen Shaw, Asuka Ruo/Fudo Akira

Fandoms I wrote for: Adventure Time, Person of Interest, Devilman Crybaby

Most popular story: In terms of stories I had already started it’s Siren Song (bubbline) and in terms of stories I started this year it’s Human Maintenance (Shoot).

Story I'm most proud of: Outside of my multi-year bubbline sagas I’ve been working on for ages, I am pretty proud of Finding Pride. I’ve always loved some of the queer headcanons in the Adventure Time fandom, and I wanted to do my own story about it.

Funniest: Maybe Unfortunate Interruption? I don’t write a ton of humour/comedy.

Kinkiest: My Bubbline Kinktober is literally PWP with some hella kinky shit and switching.

Saddest: Wicked Stirrings is the most intense/angsty, but in terms of this year, it’s probably Human Maintenance.

Least popular: The Missing Scene, an extremely short Devilman fanfic I originally wrote ages ago and cleaned up/polished to post. I’m not mad about it TBH, it’s fairly short and angsty without much payoff.

Favorite opening line(s): Maybe this is cheating because it was written years ago, but I still like the opening line to Siren Song.

Favorite closing line(s): Finding Pride and Human Maintenance may have sappy and somewhat cliche closing lines, but I still love them.

Top scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated: I would love to have some scenes from Siren Song illustrated, like Bonnibel trying to observe Marceline scientifically but being distracted by how hot she is, Bonnibel meeting Hunson for the first (terrifying) time, Marceline calling Bonnibel her mate, etc. An illustration of Marceline, Princess Bubblegum, and Finn with their respective pride flags for Finding Pride would also be incredible.

Story I haven't yet written, but intend to: A Valentine’s day themed story for Marceline and Princess Bubblegum in my Open Eyes series, and an extra one shot for Mutual Pact of Non-Affection that is currently in Development Hell.

Fic-writing goals for 2023: Hmmm, I typically try to set word count goals for myself rather than specific fanfic-writing goals, since I have other projects I work on. But for this I will say that I want to actually finish one of my multi-chapter fanfics I have going. If I do succeed, it will probably either my Bubbline Kinktober (not a full 31 days, but the oneshots I intended to write) or Wicked Stirrings, which is already fully outlined and just has to be written and edited.

Tagging: @thethiefandtheairbender, @hermannsthumb (I really like your writing but if you aren’t interested I understand), @gaybybirth, and @sweetums0kitty

These tags are only if you want to do the thing, no pressure or anything :) If you message me, I can also remove your name from the tag list.

[the-bird-and-the-flute]

Ikeprince Leon Fic - Bday 2022

Warnings: maybe slightly NSFW, not for minors

Pairing: MC (Emma) x Leon (bday boy)

Word count: 1850

A/N: Today is a very special day for me. It’s my best ikeprince boy bday!!!!

I usually just write fics for myself, and honestly, I was not gonna post this either. But yesterday I was reading his 2022 bday story (I still need to read his pov today), and when I was reading it, I got shocked that some things I wrote in my fic were really similar to cybird’s story. Y’ALL I SWEAR I DID NOT COPY CYBIRD HAHAHA. Maybe I just know Leon a lot? LMAO

I understood that as a sign of Leon telling me to post my bday present to him. 

I could tell which part of the fic is similar to cybird’s, but I don’t think I’ll lol. Maybe some people didn't have the time to read his bday story yet.

I chose to user MC's default name here. But that's not the name I use in game or when I write just for myself.

I added a NSFW warning, but to be quite honest, there is nothing that explicit. But you know, better safe than sorry.

And Happy Bday Leon. I love you <3.

It's early in the morning in Rhodolite, but a certain prince is not that excited today.

Leon is supposed to do his daily chores, but the prince is slacking more than he usually does. He is reading and signing some official documents at a snail's pace.

Leon - (looks at the window from their faction's room) - Hmm, the weather looks nice, but I'm bored. Where is Emma, anyway?

Leon - She told me yesterday we would have some fun cuz it's my bday, but I didn't see her anywhere...

Meanwhile, Emma is busy setting up her surprise for her lover in an isolated basic cottage she rented so they could celebrate Leon's bday. 

Emma - Great! It looks like I bought everything from the shopping list.

Emma - I suppose Leon probably figured it out about the surprise, but I can't get disheartened. It WILL be a nice present for his bday. I'm sure of it!

Maid 1 - My Lady, is there anything else you need? We can clean the house for you or help you prepare the dishes.

Maid 2 - Indeed. You shouldn't waste your time on housework. You need to be spectacular for your prince. You must choose a fancy outfit for this special occasion!

Emma - Oh, thank you so much! But this is my birthday present to him. I would rather do this myself. I'm not an illustrious chef, but I'm confident I can make some delicious food for tonight.

Maid 1 - As you wish. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call us. We'll head back to the palace then.

Emma - Of course. Thank you again. And if by chance he tries to talk to you, be careful. He is such a smooth talker! He'll try to find out more details about today's event.

Maid 2 - Hahaha. That's indeed something prince Leon would do. We'll keep your secret, my Lady! 

The sun is going down on the horizon, and Leon is getting sulky. Where is his Lady, anyway? He waited all day, but no sign of her yet.

Leon - Ah, somehow I managed to finish all that paperwork, but where is my reward? I can't wait anymore!

Leon - *sign* I even tried to deceive the maids, but they didn't say a word. I know they were with Emma. But she is clearly not here.

Leon - Is she out of town? Or maybe she went to her former house to get something there? Hmmm

Leon - I wanna leave the palace to look out for her, but I don't wanna miss one another. She can't be that far. It wouldn't make sense. She is setting something up, so she must be close.

Leon is impatient and decides to look out a bit far from Rhodolite to find his girl. When he was setting up his horse, he notices someone spying on him.

Leon - You probably realized I'm not in a good mood today, so you better show yourself.

Emma - Hi, stranger! *chuckles*

Emma - Sorry I took so long. Are you ready for your surprise?

Leon gets speechless for a moment. Emma looks stunning, and he doesn't know what to do with himself.

Emma - Leon?

Leon - What?

Emma - hahaha what is wrong with you? You look petrified. Did I scare you?

Leon - Sorry, you look so gorgeous. I just didn't know how to react.

Emma - ah Leon...

Leon is just a few inches away from Emma. He seizes the opportunity and grabs her by the waist just to make sure she won't try to escape.

He kisses her passionately just like he always does. He missed her so much.

Emma is in such a trance that is hard for her to not get caught up in this moment, but she must be strong because the night is just getting started.

Emma - Ahhh Leon... wait a minute...

Leon - *chuckles* what? You didn't like it?

Emma - You're impossible! Stop teasing me. You see... I have a mission here! We need to get going now.

Leon - hmm. I think we can have lots of fun here... I don't wanna waste more time...

Emma - hehe me neither. I wanna be with you too. But first things first.

Emma - Here, let me put this on.

Leon - Huh?

Emma takes a blindfold from her purse and tries to cover Leon's eyes.

Leon - What is this? Are you playing games with me or?

Emma - hahaha maybe. You don't wanna try it on? I swear it will be fun. I just need you to be blindfolded cuz I don't want you to see yet where we are going.

Leon - Ohhh so that's why. It's part of your surprise then? Hmm. I won't say no to that.

Emma - Hehe I promise you won't regret it. Now be a good boy and let me put it on for you.

Emma - there, I think it's perfect. You are not seeing anything, are you?

Leon - Hehe am I?

Emma - Stop it! No cheating! Did you understand, Leon?

Leon - *chuckles* yes, ma'am. I won't do that.

Emma - Okay, I'll be your guide now. We are riding on my horse. I hope you don't mind.

Leon - Not at all. Do your thing.

A few minutes later, Emma and Leon were getting close to their final destination.

Emma - So like I was saying... Leon!!!!!! What are you doing?

Leon - What? I was just holding your waist so I wouldn't fall.

Emma - That's not what you were doing. Stop touching my breasts. I'm trying to focus here, you know?

Leon - What? I didn't touch your breasts.

Emma - You sure did. OMG, you are impossible!

Leon - Geez, I'm sorry, but I can't see here. Clearly not my fault.

Leon - This blindfold is making things hard for me. Are you punishing me for what?

Emma - I AM NOT... Stop with your antics. You are so sneaky!

Emma - If you could just wait for a few more... Ahhh

Leon - Hehehe what was that?

Emma - OMG LEON!

Leon - What now?

Emma - this is not the time for you to touch on my private parts. You are enjoying this situation too much!

Leon - since when I did that?

Emma - JUST NOW!

Leon - I did not. I'm here behaving myself just like you asked.

Leon - I thought you'd be happy to be so close to me. Didn't you miss me?

Emma - Sometimes I question myself why I date you.

Leon - Because I'm a lady killer? And charming? And strong? And...

Emma - Shut up, okay! We're almost there.

Emma - there! OMG finally! We're here. You just can't stay still for a few minutes, can you?

Leon - Of course, I can. See? *chuckles*

Emma - Humph... Let me just take this blindfold off before you eat me alive here.

Emma removes the blindfold while they are still on the horse. When Leon opens his eyes, he sees how pretty the setting is. 

They are in a village ruled by Rhodolite, but it's probably the first time he sees visits that particular area.

Emma chose a simple cottage a bit far away from the main village. There is a forest surrounding the house. Greenery and big trees everywhere.

Emma - So... What do you think?

Leon - Wow, it's amazing! First time I've seen this place, to be honest.

Emma - Wanna check it out?

Leon - Of course, I do. Let me get out of the horse first. I'll catch you.

Emma - Thanks.

Emma - So... let me show you around. I've been here a couple of times now ahaha.

Leon - So this is where you've been hiding from me?

Emma - Hiding? I don't do such things hehe

Emma - I just think we needed a change of pace for this special day.

Leon - I see. I'm not gonna lie that I liked your idea a lot.

Emma - I made dinner for us tonight. You work so hard. I just wanted to spoil you. But just a little bit. Don't get too used to it.

Leon - Don't make me fall in love even more with you.

Emma - That's your problem, not mine ahaha

Emma - So why don't you go take a shower while I set the table for us? The dinner is ready but I just need to warm up the food. But it won't take much.

Leon - And you're not coming? You just said I was tired. I need help. *chuckles*

Emma - hahaha no way. I know what you are planning. I'll wait for you here.

After taking a shower, Leon heads to the dining room and sees an exquisite table full of food.

He stands still next to the door just admiring how hard she worked to prepare all that.

Emma - Leon, come on! What are you doing standing there? The food is gonna get cold, you know.

Leon - Ah, I'm coming.

Emma - So, you want me to serve you? What would you like to try first?

Leon - I thought you were the main dish?

Emma - Leon!!

Leon - hahaha sorry, I can't help it. Anything really. I'm sure everything tastes delicious.

Leon - Hmm this really looks good. Thank you.

Emma - Hehe I'm glad you like it.

Emma - Leon...

Leon - What?

Emma - Happy birthday! Thank you for giving me the honor to celebrate it with you. And I'm sorry if I stole you away from your siblings today.

Leon gets speechless with Emma's cuteness. She is so spontaneous and adorable. Although he is a man who speaks his mind, she knows how to make him stumble over his own words.

Leon - There are so many things I wanna say to you right now. But none of them would exactly convey how much I really love you.

Leon, who is sitting next to Emma, gets up, pulls her chair, and carries her to their bed (which is decorated with a red silk quilt and printed with black lion paws at its ends).

Leon - Thank you for being the best partner I could ever ask for. I feel bad for being so grumpy all day when you were working so hard for my happiness.

Leon - I love you so much that I just can't not touch you anymore. Your generosity and your effort just make me desire you even more.

Leon - And I'm sorry I usually don't have enough time for you. You deserve more than that. But I'm too selfish to let you go.

Leon - So let me shower you with love. Like only a beast could do.

Leon kisses Emma over and over again to the point she can't think straight anymore. He will treat her well tonight because that's what a lioness deserves. Nothing less than that.

[transsexualunderground]

a ramble on my personal canon that turned into a ramble about the production and universe implications of the TVS and RWS

*cracks knuckles despite not being able to* today i shall talk about my personal canon for ttte/rws because i'm in the mood for an infodump :sunglasses:

you may be wondering, jade, what the hell is this supposed to mean? basically it's me trying to stitch a patchwork of the classic series canon, hit era, cgi, rws, and my own oc stuff to my liking.

...and i'll also admit i wrote this really tired, but I wanted to infodump so bad. putting the rest below the cut!

so far, my most simple summary of it so far is that it's mostly the RWS with the timeline of the model series. things from the RWS happen in the order they happened in the TVS (albeit not with the exact same execution as the RWS or the TVS all the time). Series 5's events happen, as do series 6's and maybe some of series 7's? But also, events that didn't get adapted to the model series happen, as to characters, such as Bear and two entire railways. I also wanted to take some characters from hit era and beyond, albeit I'm not sure I have a complete list yet.

I'm also including the UHR, aka the Ulfstead Heritage Railway, my original smaller railway that kinda... happened. Basically, a variation on Toby's Discovery happens, and the controllers of the railways, not quite sure what to do with it, end up with an offer from my oc, Tiffany Lancaster. She offers to run the track and perhaps then some as a heritage railway. Restoration ensues! It connects to the Skarloey, as seemingly shown in the show, and the NWR. I also decided it runs around inside Ulfstead itself and a bit further south to the Ulfstead Castle and The Mansion, which I'm using the RWS canon for and saying they're a preserved castle and mansion-turned-expensive-fancypants-hotel respectively. Sorry, no Estate Railway here... maybe, I haven't watched relevant CGI episodes yet, but something about a castle on top of a mine sounds horribly structurally unstable. But it's not like anyone lives at that castle anyways.

Other things I'm consolidating include: Toby's Branch Line and the Arlesdale Railway run near each other, like in the 2014 map of Sodor. I've elected to put Toby's Old Line on Sodor like in the TVS. James's red coat of paint comes after his accident, like in the RWS and CGI canons. Thomas just kinda Showed Up, like in the RWS. And Henry doesn't need the special coal post-rebuild like in the RWS, albeit he still might have some occasional problems.

honestly, i just wanted to write this because I was sorting out my OC event timeline for my fanbooks, realized I've been using the TVS timeline the entire time, remembered I had a personal canon, and then went wild assigning series to events and year estimates.

And, to be fair, in-universe, these stories were NOT written at the time they happened or anywhere near 'em until much later into my fanbooks, if at all. My stories are written in modern day both in-universe and out because of whatever the heck the Secondman got up to, so this is a bit loose! And setting them in more vague years, like the TVS did, might help me in the long run somehow. Toward the Christopher Awdry part of the RWS's run, more stories were written just so the TVS could have stories to base things off of, so I'm genuinely unsure if they're supposed to be records of a past year in the RWS canon or set closer to the year they were written or what. I may have worded that weird because I'm tired, but basically, if those stories were written to be scrambled in with the others in the early TVS, does that mean that they took place during different times rather than when one would think the books are set?

Despite being the guy who posted the links to RWS resources, I still don't know as much as I'd like to, LOL. And consolidating multiple canons, while fun, is tiring. So with this, I shall end this ramble. Goodnight. I leave you with MS Paint Wesley whom I drew with a mouse and also whilst very tired. I could not wrap my head around perspective tonight LOL

[eulbkrad]

Another year. Another year avoiding FB. It feels like hiding 😶‍🌫️ It maybe 🤔 un-admitted shame of not doing enough but just venting.

If you are reading this, I choose to share with you.

But I didn’t. I choose to share with void. With someone who just simply stumbles accidentally because of tags 🏷️, or g-d knows what else .

Today I no longer can separate acceptance from giving up. But I don’t want to leave room for any misinterpretations on what “giving up” means here. It is damn hard to explain it on paper with clarity when you’re out of practice. And yes - I don’t want silent 🤫 judgement or words of encouragement. So I’m back here, in my safe place, on tumblr.

I always hold high hopes that for M to succeed just enough awareness and acceptance needs to be in place with a slight addition of support; far from what he is getting at school. That I can’t give up.

Self-talk anywhere and everywhere for no reason and to self-soothe

No attempts to make friends or to keep the ones who reach out

* Recording subway 🚇 tunnels

* Watching 2hr long videos of subway tunnels

* K-5 level cartoons

* RTVi along but resistance to learn Russian

* Talking pretend Russian to people who don’t speak 🗣️ a word of the language

* Visits to Times sq to record trailers available on YouTube for months

I used to try to redirect or mask 😷 (big negative word in ASD community that seems to me extremely self-indulgent, coming from people who don’t deal with complexities of being adult on a lower end of the spectrum). I tried to tap into whatever inappropriate and give it a spin that would bring it closer into fitting into what in foreseeable future will be societal norms.

I accepted defeat and just let it be. Sometimes it backfires badly in public and otherwise; most of the times it’s ignored if noticed. Of course, I can’t ignore it. Sheer for the fact for needing to be alert 🚨 enough to step in when it hints danger ⚠️ levels or awkwardness overload. Like with the rest of this quirky and unpredictable life, the unpleasant reality became mundane and normal. Well… MY normal. I can’t ask anyone to subscribe to it because once in blue moon 🌖, I get a day of respite into the actual normalcy and it still hurts to return into the ASD routine. Not like a bleeding 🩸 hurt more like a paper 📄 scratch that takes annoyingly few days to heal.

I almost gave up on

* not having a conversation that hasn’t been played out gazillion times already

* having hard time between picking favorite, even when it is obvious (like picking cake 🍰 over sandwich 🥪)

* Mistaken pronouns (I am not MY mom but YOURS) and preposition (the cup NOT at the table; it is ON the table)

* And general silliness of your sentence structure and thought 💭 expression

* …

I started this post yesterday after a long day of brewing thoughts 💭 of what and where to write ✍️. It’s 5:30 am and M already woken up ⬆️ like he always does regardless whether it’s a school day or a weekend. I should’ve done soooo many things yesterday but I chose to write until I crashed into sleep 😴

it’s April 2. I write every year on Apr 2. It is silly as I don’t quite believe in traditions. But in a similar vein as I can’t forgo Christmas tree🎄for New Year, I can’t skip ⏭️ and not post today. On the eve of Apr 2 I’m reflecting more than any other day. Again I’m reflecting on acceptance: personal and general. Nobody forces me to write. And yet I hold some slight hope that this is something that someone needs / needed to read. Exactly as I wrote TODAY (which for all I know might not be even the day or month or year). I read so many encouraging posts and they helped. I read so many despot cries and they help. This one is neither. But, if you read thru the end and now feel a feather 🪶-bit lighter, I’m glad for both of us. Hugs 🫂

P.S. dedicated to the lack of regular emojis bank 🏦 -lol… I used to ace social stories with pictures. I thought 💭 that in 14 years the options for OOTB emojis would expand a lot, given the number of spectrum folks and their supporters in the industry. Oh well… here is to another ten 🔟 years 🥂

🔵🟦 🌀 🗣️ 🖌️ for Ⓜ️ 🩵🌐💙

(In all seriousness, social stories what helped a lot us with transition and training for public events. Do that. It’ll be the easiest thing today you’ve done ✅ to help yourself and your kid. )

[missamyshay]

‘I’m also planning a writing break once I finish my current WIPs so can’t see myself returning to it.’

The way I gasped when I read this. I mean, well deserved for all the wonderful fics you’ve shared with us these past few months. You are one of my favs, without a doubt and so selfishly thinking, “oh no, no more Miss Amy stories????”

As a phd student myself once upon a time, I applaud you for all efforts with school and this talent you share w us. It’s a lot to juggle, I’m sure. The school part is def worth it in the end!

Have a great day!

This is so lovely of you. At first I was wondering how you knew I was a PhD student then I realised this is probably the result of me over sharing on the innanet 🤣

Definitely a lot to juggle, but in a funny way writing fic actually helps to take some of the pressure off sometimes. So, don’t worry, I still love doing it!

Maybe I’ll call it a posting break. Writing is part of who I am as a person so I’ll still write (I don’t know how not to), but I’m gonna take a break from the pressure of Writing To Post.

I’m aiming to finish my WIPs and I’m still writing this One Day AU—which I’m putting my whole writeussy into, if I may say so myself lol. I’ll take a break after posting that so I’m not going anywhere soon. And also, having said all this, I’m subject to the whims, so I can’t say I won’t throw out a oneshot or two lmao

There’s so much great fic to read that I haven’t had a chance to yet and I’m very excited to do that too!

Thank you so much for reading what I put out, and I’m really, really happy that you appreciate my words so much.

Hope you’re also having a great day!

❤️

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Would I seem like less of a liar if I deleted the previous post? 💀💀💀

I'm doing a whooole lot better so ima explain myself

Notice in advance though it's not very related to my pills. It's just been a whole lot.. and seeing how I talk about all my personal shit here already it didn't feel too out of place. I've actually been relatively pill free for the last like month or so. Anyway I'll stop this intro here lol. Shits long enough as is

Well what pissed me off to make me want to go ghost was a combo of getting scammed plus R being on some bullshit..

The first bit I kinda walked into. That was that whole situation where I slowly gave out like $50 to this trans woman. I didn't even notice until a few days later but she blocked me soon after I said I couldn't help for a while. I don't know what brain cells evaporated from my brain but if I had noticed the signs earlier maybe I would be $50 richer rn..

The second bit uh. Let's just cut a long story short atp. R has been being a dick to me for a while now so I finally wasn't able to repress my annoyance and I said something slightly snippy. She got sad annd I got mad. Time skip, ghosted her and pretty much everyone else, fully expecting to never speak to her again. Nother time skip, we're back talking.

If I seem kinda over it, it's cause I am lmfao

I think seeing how she changed and reacted during that period where she was upset really changed things for me. Not to sound like that, but I have a lot of.. for lack of better wording "issues" around people switching up. And it's really important to me! Ive been weary of that shit since i was in elementary school. I used to get bullied and ostracized a lot as a kid. And after a combo of parential/friendship drama, I decided I never wanted to feel like I'm ever in a situation where I have to be useful to be loved. I don't want to be in position where anyone can dangle their affection over my head at a whim. Which is all I've felt towards everything since. Even when I was really there begging her to work things out, I did it anyway because I felt like I knew she'd do the same if it ever came down to it. But seeing just how much I've been trying to juggle in silence.. how much I've asked of her over and over again with little change.. it just didn't feel mutual anymore.

Well.. wrong wording. That's something I've had to accept for a while now. I meant our friendship in general atp. I've been the odd man out for so long now. I guess it's our history that does it tbh. You know how with newer friends you'll do a lot more with em? But with older friends youre much more comfortable saying no cause you know they arent going anywhere? It really shouldn't be this extreme tbh but like it ISS. Like I've asked to play 100x different things now, I've tried to watch series together, alllll types of shit. And she never agrees. We never talk or hangout for the fun of it anymore. Actually, I don't think we've actually any real hanging out doing something together purely because we wanted to hang in over 7 months. Everything else has just been us talking about one thing or another or something happening and it just being the after part. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to have an actual conversation way more than being able to play games with her. Though, when hanging out is something you plain out won't go out your way at all to do but you can hurriedly go back to do allll the time with your casual friends and acquaintances? Changed my mind so quick once i realized. I'm just holding onto memories now. Just like my ex and just like my ex best friend. The whole situation reminding me of those two made my emotions towards the thing feel a lot more cut and dry tbh

I started feeling this way when she played me at a moment that honestly.. was the most vulnerable I've ever been. It's a rule I've had since I was a child and have never broken before. Yet here I am, breaking it for no real reason. If anything, me doing that made her be even worse to me

I've been on and off talking with her now. She refriended me on one of our main platforms a little while back. I've only recently took her off mute. I think a day ago now. We talked talked today and it felt exactly like it did way back then. It was almost comical. She said so many cruel things to me and made me feel like an idiot for.. well shoot for nothing atp. Did all that to not even a full 3 months later move onto the next best thing. The complete 360 is what finally sealed it for me. I've been thinking on what my begging meant for days and weeks now slowly edging to this conclusion

Im done.

I got so much anger and nastiness spewed at me time and time again with not even an acknowledgement that it happened

Im just supposed to magically know this perfect fucking timing of how long i need to stay away without staying away for tooooo long to not scare you. And when I get it wrong? Oh don't worry! She'll make sure I know it :))

Its really my fault for letting it get this bad.. I knew it wasnt right for her to be a dick to everyone off of a breakup but i mean.. if the ex was that important to you, it makes sense. If it were still like that, I'd still be taking it now tbh. Why stress her out when she clearly has 1000 other things on her mind? But the cycle repeated right before my eyes it brings up so many questions..

Why cant i get the same courtesy you show to anyone else?

Where was that healing when just a month ago i was a pest for checking in?

God. It's not even like I'm asking for much! I continued doing what I do even when i wasn't getting that same care back. Ive gotten so messed up i can barely comprehend wth is going around me. Ive been on and off sleep for days at a time. I've watched my whole future crumble before my eyes. Ive wven thought about and attempted to kill myself. Alllll that.. yet ive never once used it as an excuse to treat you poorly. I have the common fucking courtesy to own up to ts and not act like any of that makes it okay to disrespect you

It honestly doesn't matter either way. All I know is I'm so tired of getting treated worse than any of her friends and I'm tired of all the fucking gymnastics that she still expects me to do with no complaint. That shits over. I'm not letting yet another person drop off and pick up wherever they feel like with not even a thought about how I'll feel

I feel really numb towards her now. I still have some of it leftover tbh so I wont say I'm OVER her. I still got hype talking to her again and it being not complicated for once. And i do still check her socials a lot. But I will say, I think I've fallen out of love at the very least

I still don't want her to suffer or anything because she is one of the kindest and most charming people you'll ever meet when she wants to be. She would bend over backwards to help out or make someone feel good. She just has to be in the right mood for it. I've seen her give shit away on this game she loves just to help a new player out. I've listened to her check on everyone in her house even when she felt like straight garbage purely cause she knew they all were expecting her to. Just incase one of em was waiting on that to vent or something. She really does have a good heart

Buuut when she doesn't want to/doesn't have to do all that? She's still cordial most of the time. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to paint her out to be some nasty person behind closed doors. She really isn't. Even when she's upset, she mostly is still kind, just a little short. But every once in a while, it'll be a big enough issue where she doesn't even feel like pretending to be in a good mood.. and that's her problem. She's so damn cruel once she's that upset. I get it ofc. Which is why I just put up with it for so long

When I was going through the slow realization that my days at my uni were numbered, I was a hugely bitter person. Huuuugely. But even with the mere joy of the other freshman was pissing me off, I never took that out on anyone but me. I was never rude or snarky to anyone there. Even when they were to me lmfao. It just made no sense to take it out on them

R doesn't consider that enough. She goes off tbe handle as soon as it's inconvenient for her not to. Though she's all smiles for people anyone that doesn't know her fr, she'll come back to all the people that love her and put then through the ringer

I cant take that shit anymore.

So now a little over a year after I started feeling something towards her in the first place and coming on a year after I realized what exactly I felt for her, I think I'm now throwing in the towel on all that. Just can't do it. I won't turn my life upside down for someone that can't even bother to keep my feelings in mind some days.

I dont hate her or anything at all. I'm still her friend. But until she learns how to better express herself, I don't want her any closer than a friend. Being close to her is painful dude. I'll never treat her any worse for that. I just have to keep my guard up now. I can't let her get that close to me again. Not with how she is now

I wrote that weeks ago if im being honest

And alots happened since then..

I feel like a hypocrite now. I blocked her without a peep. Even continued playing and talking with other friends and posted not thinking nothing of it. It's been a nice what.. I think coming up on 2 weeks now. I've missed her a lot. I still think of her everyday but at the same point it turned into a matter of principle. I won't even lie, if things went my way, she would either be coming to me through alllll the other methods she used to use when she actually cared to have my attention or she would be getting left in the past. But through my scattered thinking and talk with another good friend made me realize how selfish it was. Complained about her treating me worse than she would a complete random, and yet here I am damn near rubbing it in her face that I'm specifically not talking to her and her only. I feel awful for it now.

I tried to reach back out but she understandably is ignoring me too now. I think she blocked me on a few diff platforms, including my phone number.. I feel awful for doing that to her now. She's an ass at times but she's still been a really good friend to me and I hate that I lashed out without thinking of her feelings, even if it was justified ig. I'm just gonna give her space for now. Shit it took me damn near two weeks of radio silence and thinking for me to stop being angry with her

A few days later lol

We are.. in the clear? Not really honestly. We're still very distant feeling and I genuinely can't imagine ever trusting her the way I have in the past.. but it went over smoother than I thought. I know she's still upset with me, whether she wants to admit it or not. All those months of us spilling each and every thought to each other made it very easy to read her. I can't tell what exactly she's feeling, but she's hiding something.

It really kills me. I can see it plain and clear and I'd love to talk it over, but it's not really my place anymore is it? That's been the most difficult part of all this. I don't really understand how to keep a distance without coming off cold. I care about her and all but at the same point, it'd be extremely stupid to try to get her to open up while also tryna stay closed off myself. Recipe for disaster. Maybe someday she'll bring it up, but for now, I just have to pretend I don't see it

I'm very grateful to her still. She taught me a lot and she is a really good friend. I know if I ever seriously needed her she wouldn't flake on me and she's helped me so many times throughout our friendship. It's really the only reason I went back to us. It felt like a dick move to just ghost and act like her being mean sometimes completely overshadows all the good she brings. Plus I did promise I wouldn't. My feelings being hurt isn't a reason to break that promise imo. I'll stay in her life for as long as she allows it

Though that being said, she's not my best friend anymore. I don't even consider her a close friend atp. I aint gon play her or anything. Im still willing to talk about why I left and what I've been hiding for now. But once the dust settles.. she'll be treated like allllll my other friends. They don't get dogged out or anything but ya know ofc it's very different. I just don't trust her anymore

The thought of us talking through everything and finally hanging out just to hang out makes me paranoid. Will she drop me like she did when she got serious about her ex? Is she gonna be that mean everytime she has a breakup? Is she gone take my happiness the wrong way atp? Should I already preemptively be limiting my talking time with her?

Too many damn questions..

Which is why i think that's that saga done for now. I doubt she'll want to talk about it so I'm just gonna let it simmer out itself ig. I love her sm. I hate that I can't just slap the rose tinted glasses back on. She deserves someone like that. She's truly a gem once you get past all her walls. If I were stronger, I would still be chasing after her now. But after months of unsatisfying resolutions and unspoken tension, ive finally reach a point where I just can't take the hurt from it all 🤷‍♀️

Ah damn it's been tearing me up though. I've never experienced any of this bs before. I hope someday we can both get back to a place where I can consider letting her back in. I miss that time a lot. Dang ik I aint crying rn 🗿

[synthetickitsune]

HI hi, I hope you had a good day today. I've been really enjoying the kinktober so much. Even though I don't know or stan all the guys I've ended up being dragged into their respective group and it's been a lot so thank you for that or curse you for that I don't know XD. Also, you are a good writer and i think it's normal to improve and you improved really well. Oh, I forgot to say I'm the "new anon" who made the two in one Lee Soohyuk requests last week (you know the supernatural monster one). I just saw that you aren't doing anymore requests does this mean that you won't be receiving any request from this day on or won't be doing anymore requests in general? I also wanted to ask which of your writings is your favorite(s) or which of your own Fics would you recommend? I hope you are enjoying the spooky season have you done anything halloweeny yet or are doing anything in preparation for Halloween day, like costume, decoration or an event?

Hello, hi! Thank you, I hope you've had a good day as well! ♡ (Also just a heads up, I'm really talkative today and I didn't know? Lol, sorry for the long answer anyway!)

I'm happy to hear that! Honestly I didn't expect I'd actually manage to write all of the prompts (I mean I still have a couple more to write lol) so I'm really surprised. And you're welcome~ just fall deeper into the rabbit hole haha. There's no such thing as liking too many groups.

Aah!! You have no idea how glad I am to hear that!! Tbh I'm kind of getting to a point where I don't cringe that much when I'm sometimes re-reading some of my fics so I guess I must've improved a little lol. And as for the requests, it just means that I'm not really receiving new requests for now since I want to focus on writing those already in my inbox as well as some of my ideas that I'm working on. Somehow I have too many fics in various stages of being finished right now and it's starting to make me feel a little overwhelmed since I'm not used to working on more than one thing haha.

Oh! Interesting question, let's see... Well, now that I'm thinking about it, I guess my favorite writings that I've written are actually fics that are not currently posted anywhere lmao. They're two comfort fics, one with Dazai from the BSD anime and the other is with Michael Langdon from AHS season 8, and they're honestly about the only fics that I've written couple years ago that I'm not embarrassed by? I also wrote some Alice In Borderland fics that I really like I guess? And I'm also sort of proud of my Junhui fic I've recently written, and I enjoyed writing it so much, and the same goes for my Hwiyoung fic/drabble collection, so those I'd recommend probably.

Honestly, I'll probably just watch the Nightmare Before Christmas, maybe read some scary short stories, I'm not too good with scary stuff and have like two friends haha. What about you, anon? I hope you're enjoying the spooky scary season as well!

And if you've read this far, I feel like you deserve some compensation for dealing with my ramblings lol. Unfortunately, I have nothing to offer but a little teaser for one of the Lee Soohyuk requests, so yeah~

And thank you for messaging me again! I'm happy to hear from you ♡