#from now on i'll only post my new pieces on Twitter because it is too tiring to post them on other sites x))))

[hgejfmw-hgejhsf]

Thoughts from just another fandom writer

I am not a popular writer in my fandom. You may see that sentence and think, wow, what's about to come next, but just stay with me for a bit. I promise there's a point.

I am not a popular writer in my fandom. You won't see my name splashed across Twitter when a new update posts with the expectation that people are going to flock to my page. People don't recognize my fics by just a name. And none of my fics are ever going to be considered one of THE fics within the fandom.

Do I get sad about that sometimes? Sure. I'm only human. Do I write a fic and think that the amount of pride I have in it and in myself might mean that this is the one that people will recommend to all of their friends because they just HAVE to read it? Also yes. I think we all want that when we put a piece of ourselves out into the world in our art. And that certainly holds true for me, as someone whose huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart is on the outside of her body.

But I also have an incredible group of humans who do loyally read my works, all of them (despite the ridiculous number I've published in just 7 months' time) and leave incredibly kind and thoughtful comments that bring me to tears every time. My writing, from just July until now, when I published a fic for the first time in 10 years because I couldn't fathom going another day without allowing these characters into my mind and heart through the typing of my fingers, has grown immensely, and I want more than anything for it to continue to improve as time goes on.

Which is why I scroll through the feed every day, searching for new works to read by new and old authors alike. Just today, I read a work by someone who was publishing their very first fic, who set it as a New Year's resolution for themselves. And I left a comment for them to see the next time they're online.

It cost me absolutely nothing to hit the kudos button and make a comment. And I hope that, like me, a kind word will go a long way towards encouraging that author to keep writing. To keep sharing their soul with us as a fandom. To keep loving it the way that I love it.

I'm writing this to encourage all of you, regardless of the number of subscribers, hits, kudos, or comments you have, or how many rec lists you've made, or where you are in your writing journey, to always remember that there was once a time when you were a brand new writer, too, and I urge you to remember how much something like a comment meant to you in your journey. I'll leave y'all with one of my favorite song lyrics to further emphasize my point:

When you get where you're goin Don't forget turn back around And help the next one in line Always stay humble and kind

[fushiglow]

satosugu mailman au 💌

a very special delivery for @kymsys's birthday! how many days will it take for satoru to fall in love with his new mailman? let's find out!!

here's part one for my tumblr pals to enjoy! however, i'll be posting this work over quite a few days over on twitter/x, so please head over there if you want to follow along! if you don't have an account, i'll be uploading the entire thing to my ao3 when it's done — so don't fret ♥️ enjoy the fic!!

There were three things Gojō Satoru loved above all else: sweets, scale model kits, and sleep. He was a simple man in that sense — really, he asked for very little except a healthy supply of sugary treats, the occasional plastic mech, and an undisturbed lie-in seven days a week. So, when the shrill ring of his doorbell wrenched Satoru from a beautiful dream at exactly 8am on a Monday morning? Needless to say, he wasn’t pleased. Now, Satoru wasn’t an unreasonable person. He understood that the rest of the world started moving a little earlier than him — which is why Satoru had taken special measures to protect his precious rest without hindering anyone else. He’d chosen a job that allowed him to work from home, forgone the company of a housemate in favour of living alone, and — most importantly for a hobbyist like Satoru who ordered more kits, paints, and crafting tools than any one person needed — installed a secure parcel drop box outside his front door, preventing the need for anyone to pester him. That’s why Satoru didn’t bother getting out of bed after the first ring, assuming that the person who’d decided to disturb him would eventually figure it out for themselves. Perhaps they were a bit slow though — because less than thirty seconds later, the doorbell came screaming through the house again. Swearing into his pillow, Satoru pulled the duvet up to his ears. All he could do was hope they’d leave quickly so he could snatch at least some sleep in the 45 minutes left until his alarm went off. No such luck. Right when Satoru thought it was safe to relax, the doorbell started up again — and this time, it didn’t stop. With a stream of profanities falling from his lips, Satoru hauled himself out of bed, seeing red as he stomped down the stairs and marched across the hallway to the front door. He flung it open with a frustrated snarl, preparing to share some choice words with the impatient piece of shit on the other side — only for his insults to die on his tongue at the sight of the man standing before him. The broadest shoulders he’d ever laid eyes on; thick arms, tanned and toned; a muscular torso tapering down to a tiny waist — and all packaged in a uniform, for god’s sake. When Satoru finally managed to lift his jaw off the floor, he looked up at the man’s face and the damn thing unhinged from his skull all over again. He was all sharp cheekbones and sunkissed skin and the sweetest smile Satoru had ever seen. Perhaps a little too sweet now that he really looked at it. ‘I think your doorbell is broken.’

Sure, the guy was hot — easily the prettiest person Satoru had ever seen — but that didn’t stop his eye from twitching at the blatant passive aggression masked behind that sickly sweet smile. Satoru matched it with one of his own. ‘I assure you, it’s not.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry!’ Satoru didn't think he seemed sorry in the slightest — even if his voice did sound like melted chocolate. ‘I’ve got a parcel for Gojō Satoru?’ When hot mailman tilted his head to the right, a lock of glossy black hair fell into his face. Too short to secure in his bun and too short to tuck behind his ear, he simply brushed it away from warm eyes the colour of honey. Satoru wondered if every part of him was as gorgeous. ‘It needs a signature.’ Shocked out of his stupor, Satoru's gaze travelled to the box at the right of the door. ’The regular guy always puts them in there.’ Hot mailman simply beamed at him. ‘Do I look like the regular guy to you?’ No, Satoru thought. There’s nothing regular about you. As though he could read minds, hot mailman winked at him. ‘Then I’ll need a signature, please.’ And god — he was so effortlessly charming that, for the first time in his life, Satoru found himself speechless. For a long moment, he simply stood there, gawping like an idiot. When hot mailman eventually quirked an amused eyebrow in his direction, Satoru had no choice but to take the signature pad being waved at him, managing to make a hash of his name before wordlessly handing it back. Having completely and utterly embarrassed himself, Satoru had started to retreat into the safety of his home when a strong hand closed around the edge of the door. Hot mailman popped his head around the side. ‘You forgot your parcel.’ Satoru watched those amber eyes as they slid down the length of his body — and hot mailman's sickly sweet smile morphed into a devilish grin. ‘Your clothes, too.’ Glancing down at himself, Satoru’s heart stopped in his chest when he realised he’d answered the door in nothing but his boxers — and not fitted Calvin Kleins that emphasised what he was working with either. No, the ratty, stretched out Digimon boxers he’d owned since he was 17. With a mortified squeak, Satoru snatched the parcel from hot mailman’s hands and slammed the door in his face, uncaring of whether his stupid bangs got caught in the doorframe. Tossing the package onto the floor, Satoru brought his palms to his rapidly heating cheeks, taking a moment to stare into the silence of his hallway. Then, he summoned all the air in his lungs and let out the single loudest ‘fuck!’ he’d ever produced. Hot mailman’s beautiful laughter travelled down the entire length of the driveway.

[vandalyssm]

Theory: Merlin's Recent Publicity and its Correlation to a Possible Sequel/Revival/Reboot (+Eoin Macken's Pseudo Merlin Project)

'Ello. Fancied sharing my thoughts on recent developments regarding BBC's Merlin.

Fair, firm warning: I'm only sharing speculations and my personal opinions on the matter, and I do not advertise them as fact whatsoever. Consider them musings (or delusions, your choice). You can use this to further fuel your hope of the slim chance that this beloved show will see the light of day once again or maybe make theories of your own. Dispelling it is also an option, as I cannot assure my arguments would be free from flaws.

Right. Without further ado...

Revival of the Official Merlin Twitter Account

Let's put this into scenario.

Imagine a dated piece of media, previously well-known worldwide and had its own golden age for a time. This media launched the last of its contents over a decade ago, yet it gained a loyal, devoted following that persisted to grow and continued the legacy of the franchise over the years. Though there were highs and lows, the community remained alive for an impressive amount of time, steadily producing art, fiction, and creations dedicated to the media, despite not having anything new to work with. This devotion is acknowledged by those from an outsider's perspective, including the creators of this media (cast, staff, and distributors alike).

To put into context, the community was left unsatisfied with how the media ended, and many wished for the media to return. Articles were written, petitions were signed, comments left on the cast' social media accounts, and even questions were asked directly to them. Although different in wording, the inquired notion remained the same: Will there be a possibility of a sequel/revival/return/reboot? The answers range from a neutral, vague reply to a more resounding no.

This cycle persisted, but the people were immovable; they were visionaries and their dream lived on in their hearts. And this did not go unnoticed.

So it continued... until one of the media's social accounts made a sudden return. Out of nowhere, without a warning. They're back for good, the account announced. It sent the community into a frenzy. But if you took a step back from the excitement, you'd notice that it's strange. Why would a media ended over a decade ago suddenly be promoted again?

Now, I'm going to explore two possibilities; pragmatic and idealistic. The previous hypothetical scenario lays the general principal of Merlin's relevance (duh).

I'll make the pragmatic perspective brief. FremantleMedia saw the opportunity to make some bucks from Merlin because of the loyal fanbase, using a no-cost yet effective method to keep us tuned in; hoping. OMG, what does this mean? Does this mean they're going make a sequel?! Holy shit, they're teasing us, aren't they? I can't believe this is happening, it's a dream come true! And so on and so forth. Evidently, it works and numbers are growing. The official Merlin twitter account is racking up more followers and likes with each post. In this possibility, there's no such thing as a sequel/whatever it is the fanbase hopes for; just a reanimated corpse doing the same silly tap dance while we holler at it, dumbly hoping that they bust out new moves.

Now, the fun part. The idealistic version!

I'm going to use a real life example for my theory: the upcoming release of Dragon's Dogma 2. With a quick Google search, you can learn that Dragon's Dogma 2 is the highly awaited sequel for its well-liked predecessor, Dragon's Dogma.

For some time, Dragon's Dogma was on sale on Steam (with a decent cut too). This was done to gain the attention of...

1. those who haven't previously dived into the franchise. It's to make them think 'Wow! This game's so good. Oh, there's a sequel of it that's gonna be released soon? With even better graphics and gameplay? Sign me the fuck up!'. You liked Blueberry Cheesecake, so it'd make sense that you'd be more open to buying Double Blueberry Cheesecake, Premium Ingredients Addition, with 2 additional paid toppings.

2. Veterans and nostalgic fans. 'They're promoting the game I liked years ago... Oh, well, it won't hurt to play it again, just for the nostalgia. It never really left my mind anyway."

In other words: hype! hype! hype!

If using this principle, then the possibility of a sequel/revival/reboot/new content exists. It's either being processed (wishful thinking, not as likely) or being considered (more likely). If it's the latter, then they're testing the waters to see how much people still care/how much money they'll make. The more attention and hype it gets, the higher the likelihood.

Simplified:

P (old media pushed for publicity) -> Q (hype built)

Q (hype built) -> R (new content)

Eoin Macken's Pseudo Merlin Project

If I recall correctly, Eoin Macken first announced a pseudo Merlin project in late 2020. It's first teased to be released in 2021, but nothing came out of it so far (at the time of writing this) except if you count the small handful of times Macken hinted it over the ongoing four year period.

Now, I understand his position. First and foremost, he needs the legal rights to actually produce anything and it's no easy feat when you're dealing with a massive company. Then there's the issue of costumes, props, sets, and equipment. A lot to consider. To put it simply, he must offer the company something worth more than the show itself or contribute in their favor in some way. Macken seems like a charming and capable guy, so he can make it work. Probably.

I lean towards the spin-off theory because a cast reunion would not take four years. As far as I know, Macken is close with the knights and they could get together at any convenient time. If the project was a zoom call or a recorded get-together, it would've been released already. To compare, by using the average of 385,000 babies born each day during the last three years, we have 421,575,000 newborns before the Pseudo Merlin Project.

I want to tie this in with the previous theory, but eh. It can connect, but not really. I don't have any further explanation or evidence since Macken hasn't given any news.

---

Anyways. That's enough of this. I hope it made sense, at least it did to me. I'm entering my third year in the fandom, so I'm relatively new and still hopeful. (Though I try hard to keep my feet on the ground while I stare up at the clouds.)

To end this post, I'd like to say: keep hoping. Hope is such a stupidly beautiful thing, and it should be nurtured. Turn that feeling into art, into efforts.

There are franchises revived 2-3 decades after, and Merlin is no exception.

[valeriefauxnom]

Dev's (C)Leo Biases,

Or,

A Comprehensive History of How Leonidas Became Nearly Everyone's Object of Thirst

So, among the Dragalia Lost team, it was rather well known that they admitted to a strong Cleo bias.

It's pretty easy to see, in anything from Cleo's early spate of alts, like Dragonyule and Summer in quick succession, to the utterly random unique outfits they flaunted in ch.9 that you can just tell they drew for funsies but really liked them and wanted to put them in the game despite it serving no real purpose...

The dev team just really, really loved Cleo and drawing her. But after they apparently used up their Cleo allowance to make Gala Cleo probably the single strongest character in the game at the time, they cooled it down a bit.

However, as much as they were apparently thirsting over Cleo, I would joke that somewhere along the way, some part of the dev team, feeling desperate now that the yearly Cleo Allowance was running dry as they prepared to release Gala Cleo, decided to find a new fixation to quench their addiction.

And since Cleo was off-limits, they turned to the next best thing: crossing out the C in Cleo to find their newest substitute Dev Thirst character.

That's right, we're talking about the one and only Leonidas.

Leonidas had kinda just melded into the background with the rest of the siblings at this point to my observations. Sure, he was a campaign antagonist. People weren't particularly clamoring for him in particular over the other siblings, though. Honestly, I'd wager Emile was more popular at this stage, even in a 'love to hate' sense, just because we'd already seen him so much.

But then, it started. Whether it was art like this being posted on their twitter just a few scant months before G!Cleo's debut...

...They just seemed to have a certain edge in artworks featuring Mr. Curry in a way to make one squint and tilt your head sideways.

For instance:

It's one of those cases where you just kinda get a feeling the artist(s) found x attractive in a way that simultaneously still can give you a moment of self-doubt if that's not just you projecting because there's no blatantly obvious signs, you know? Whether it's something about the posing, or angles, whatever it is, I got this air increasingly whenever they put out any Leonidas art.

Thankfully, they decided to put me out of my misery and just flat out make what's likely the single most suggestive wyrmprint (or honestly art piece in general since Dragalia was thankfully very very very tame) starring none other than, you guessed it, Leonidas.

(Secret Cygames/Nintendo conversation, probably: "As you can see, it's vitally important that we draw this character in a speedo with sparkles around him." Nintendo: "...I'll allow it. This time.")

Even if he puts on some more clothes in the refined version, we're still back to that air I mentioned, as the shot focuses almost entirely on him instead of the wildly popular Chelle or his pet panther (which, yes, seemed to be an actual pet of his):

Even the Ilia-damned funny chibi comics got in on this thirst train as it went on and made quite possibly the raunchiest joke in the entire 400+ comic run featuring Leonidas, even if the exact same joke didn't make the translation overseas, however they tried. You can see a brief breakdown of that in THIS post.

Not content to restrict it to art and comics, Leonidas also dropped this line that is permanently engraved into my mind with just how shocking it was to see anything of this caliber in Dragalia, in his baby brother's story to boot!

At this point, I could no longer deny it: the devs and artists had collectively acquired a new fixation to satiate their once insatiable Cleo appetite in the form of Mr. Currymeister. (Don't worry about Emile there, he's just drowning, he does that all the time in waist-high water)

And this attitude even extends to in-universe, too! People increasingly fawned over the first prince, who very much was filling in the role of 'this prince you know vs. his hotter and more competent elder brother', as virtually represented by my expert skills in Microsoft Paint artistry as such:

Naturally, there was only so much time before the people IRL could succumb to Leonidas Fever (and no, this time we're not talking about all the people who were so devoted to this dude to effectively set themselves into a fatal, firey, steroid-filled death!) at this unrelenting onslaught.

It was hard not to see comments such as these that started pouring in (and yes, all of these were just about Leonidas exclusively):

(I'll attribute the misspelling to being overcome with Leonidas Fever, a grave illness indeed!)

(Another serious symptom: the decline of any self-preservation instinct around Leonidas, who is indeed Very Dangerous and Will Kill You!)

Ahem. You get the picture. Thus concludes the slow, insidious buildup from just another sibling for Euden to probably commit a whoopsie-daisy fratricide in the future to one of the fandom's favorite menaces, all carefully plotted-out by the collective efforts of devs who were the first to succumb to the sickness...Right?

This concludes my professional historical report on this very serious issue that I suspect lingers to this day. The Fever has but been put into remission; it has not faded yet.

Extra:

So a long time ago I commented that some of the royal family seemed to have pointier teeth than normal, which I speculated because they deliberated giving a bit more 'draconic' traits to define dragonblood, and I didn't realize how pervasive this was until I saw Emile's model there. Look at his fang!

...

...How did I forget the weapon skin of Leo's gun is additionally named "Royal Dominator"?

[btstulip]

Help! My brain is melting!

Okay... so first, I'll start with the wild ride that has been the BTS Monochrome pop up announcement:

The MNCRLogistics website was a super fun way to announce the popup (Shout out to all the smart people that figured this stuff out so I didn't have to!), but I am sure that is not all we are getting. This is building up to something bigger, and I am pretty sure it's related to HYYH and likely the K-drama releasing at the end of the month. I have my theories, but mostly they are fun guesses and I won't get into that now.

My big burning question and reason my brain is melting is over Exception @ 7fictionation on twitter.

Before I get into this, there is a lot of questions and hints and analysis out there over both the official content and what ever the Exception content is. It's looking like Bighit has been teasing this for years and even Tae has a picture on Instagram from 2021 of the same photoshoot released by Monochrome Logistics. I am not going to get into all of it because it's too much, but it's definitely fun if you feel like going down the rabbit hole.

Back to Exception @ 7fictionation. This account is definitely piggy backing off of the Monochrome Logistics content. They have been releasing videos, puzzles and streaming playlists as a countdown to something. The big controversy is over this is legit content. Exception @ 7fictionation follows only three accounts, 2 official BTS and 1 locked account that appears to be related to the @ 7fictionation. The official sites do not follow them back, this is one reason why people this this is a fan account and not legit and it is a good point. However, I am not convinced.

A couple of key things stand out to me that are feeding my delulu:

The account was created in December 2023 (with nothing posted until 4/16/24) and the locked @ 7fn_characters joined in April 2023. With Bighit obviously planning this stuff way back, it seems like any spin off twitter accounts would have been created in advance.

Their first post is a video that teases at HYYH content. Obviously the video and music hint at this, but the 8 25 25 8 is code for HYYH. You can see the video here: https://twitter.com/7fictionation/status/1780121445504319961?s=46

The biggest reason I think this is legit is because it's not pointing directly at the #MNCR_Logistics stuff, it's hinting at something else. If this were a fan account trying to piggyback on the official announcements, it doesn't make sense to be bringing in so much new content. It would make a stronger link to copy the messaging from MNCR_Logistics if this was a fan account trying to look legit.

Puzzles that decode to say: Eternal Dream (banner numbers, same code used in MNCR_Logistics barcode on shipping invoice), Eternal Journey (letter code post), and Monochromatic Future (international morse code post). These are similar to some of the codes from MNCR_Logistics, but seem to add to the messaging, not copy.

Seems to be an emphasis on new key words: "Exception" and "Improve". "Monochrome" is barely used outside reposting BTS_official posts.

And to me, one of the most suspicious pieces of the puzzle is the # use. If you are a fan account trying to piggyback off the popularity of official content, why on earth would you use a completely unheard of, unconnected # that isn't trending to promote your posts?!? #7FN_Excp is all over this account. It is the ONLY # used in their posts. They NEVER use #BTS #MONOCHROME #MNCR or #MNCR_Logistics (the obvious #s to use) in any of their posts, those only appear in posts they reposted from BTS_official. They are hinting at something else.

What do you think???? Personally, I am leaning towards Exception @ 7fictionation being a legit part of the new BTS promotion. I might be delulu and I'll gladly admit if I am wrong, but it feels connected, yet different to me. I think all of this, the Monochrome and this other account, are part of what ever "bundle" the members talked about releasing before Jin completed his service. My personal favorite theory is this is all part of HYYH and could be a song (or dare I hope, ALBUM!) for the new K-Drama releasing at the end of this month.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?! I have spent too much tine down this rabbit hole and my brain is mush!

[caffeinatedowlbear]

Unlikely Occupations for Handsome Jack

I played this on the soon-no-longer-twitter, and figured I like these too much to lose them when that site inevitably becomes an ex-parrot. This post will collect all the previous AUs I've made, and you can request new ones in the comments.

The rules are simple: name a job/occupation that would be very unlikely for Handsome Jack, and I'll try to come up with an IC(ish), (mostly) not crack explanation of how he ended up that way. All ideas generated from this exercise are free for the taking, as long as: 1) the prompt giver doesn't mind; 2) you let me know what you make of it.

Note: while any minimum wage job fits the 'unlikely' criteria, ideally I'm looking for suggestions of jobs/occupations that someone (but normally, not Jack) would conceivably WANT to do, and not just to survive. It's sad but true that people rarely end up in minimum wage jobs for interesting reasons. So please go easy on burger flipping, shelf restocking, call centers and the like.

Prompts filled so far: Janitor, DJ, Florist, Marine Biologist, Preschool Teacher, Pediatric Nurse (new!).

Outstanding prompts: cab driver; mortician; therapist/social worker (got ideas for this one); supermarket cashier (got half a plan)

Filled prompts below, starting with a fan favorite.

Janitor

Now, I know that ‘it’s just a front’ may sound like a cop-out because it can apply to any ‘Jack in a minimum-wage job’ scenario. So I tried to make it more interesting.

Setting: can be modern-day, can be sci-fi, but needs to be an AU in which Jack isn’t instantly recognizable by all and sundry. He is a rich and successful asshole, though. But there’s a certain shiny object he really, REALLY wants to get his hands on. Could be physical thing, could be information. Either way, something that money (of which he has plenty) can’t buy, because it’s held by another, even richer asshole.

Multiple attempts to infiltrate the guy’s home, where the shiny is kept, have failed. The mark is famously a recluse, his security systems are deadly, and all his staff are life-long friends and acquaintances. There’s only one tiny security hole: cleaning and maintenance. Now, most of it is automated, but once every few months, there’s a need for human labor. So every few months, a trusted and vetted housekeeping services agency dispatches some of its most trusted and vetted workers. And isn’t it lucky that Jack has a contact at said agency?

It goes off without a hitch at first. Agency Contact makes sure Jack’s fake identity passes all the background checks, and adds him to the next crew dispatched to Rich Asshole’s house. But then, Agency Contact is busted for an unrelated piece of shady business. Their latest acts in the company come under scrutiny. Jack’s employment status holds, but not his assignment. He is supposed to have at least six months of spotless (...sorry :p) record with the agency before he can get assigned to high-priority jobs like this.

So now Jack has two options. Say "fuck this shit, I'm out" and look for a different solution that might not even exist... or hold out for the sure-fire way in, even if it means spending six months pushing around a mop while toeing the company line. What’s it gonna be, Jack??

DJ

Going off the beaten track for this one, because I didn't want to do the obvious option of 'rich guy's hobby/vanity side gig'.

My take is, we're back on Tantalus and in Jack's (John's?) youth. It's a place full of poverty and violence, but also a colorful night life. Of course, many night clubs are fronts for drug and arms (and worse) trade. Getting in with the clubs is a solid strategy for a young guy with his head on his shoulders.

Jack tries to do different jobs that take him all over, to see the backstage stuff as much as possible. (He even has a brief stint as an unlikely bouncer: no-one expected the scrawny 20yo to throw some real good punches.)

His first DJ experience happens when he's a stage hand / gofer at a club, and the actual DJ goes off to screw someone, telling Jack to take over for half an hour. The music is cued up, just look like you're having fun, he's told. This is the first taste he gets of the kind of power he didn't think he wanted. Because the power that comes with money and access and control is one thing (and make no mistake, he wants that). But the power to stand in front of a room full of people and command their mood? To be cheered? To get them to chant your name, even? That hits something really, really deep inside young Jack. He knows that day that however he gets to the top, he won't just be the man behind the curtain. He will be the one whose name the crowd is chanting.

From there on, Jack's goal is clear. Not only is he going to get power and money and his slice of all the shady business, but he's also going to be a goddamn ✨celebrity✨ while at it. For bonus points, add a scar earned in a gang war ten years later and make Handsome Jack his crime name *and* stage name.

Florist

Setting: semi-historical or steampunk flavored Victorian. There is a war on, but it's pretty far away or a relatively cold one. So no immediate danger on the home front, but spycraft is in high demand. Jack is an era-appropriate Bond type who gets saddled with an assignment to...

"Make bouquets? Is this a joke?"

No, it's not. The flower shop Jack would be operating out of is a hub receiving intel from multiple covert informants. It will be Jack's job to pick out what's important, and pass it to the right people, encoded via flower bouquets. Sending messages via different flowers are already a thing in this society, as they were in our world's Victorian era, but obviously, the spy organization obviously has its own code book, so no harm done if a bouquet falls into the wrong hands.

"Except I'd have to bloody make it again, so, actually, plenty of harm done."

In order to maintain the cover, the flower shop also has to do legitimate business, so Jack gets to make plenty of "civilian" bouquets as well, and be all polite and gentlemanly with the customers.

There's only one silver lining to this dismal assignment. The assistant assigned to help Jack with sorting and aggregating the intel is pretty darn cute.

Marine Biologist

(Short write-up, but this is one of my personal faves!)

Canon-adjacent BL settings, but instead of Pandora, Jack is drawn to Aquator in his vault-hunting pursuits, searching for a vault rumored to be at the bottom of the ocean. Helios is a city-sized submarine!

For bonus points, add a Rhack plot featuring mercreature!Rhys, who has knowledge of the vault, but is reluctant to reveal its location, and whose trust Jack is desperately trying to win.

In a Preschool

Modern-day, Passable Dad AU. It's career day at Angel's school. Jack didn't want to come, what with being a currently unemployed head of a recently-failed startup. But he can't say no to Angel, so... sigh, here we go.

Jack is the last one to talk, his hope being that maybe they’ll run out of time and he won’t have to. Alas, his slot comes up. A few minutes in, the teacher gets an urgent phone call and steps out (don’t come after me about child safety protocols in this AU, okay :p).

Then the period is technically over, and the teacher isn’t back (guess the phone call was urgent enough to make them run out without telling people; they’re so fired). Other parents have left at some point during the period, because they have jobs / better things to do. Jack tries to send Angel to go find an adult, but she declares they’re not allowed to leave the classroom on their own (because she’s an ass). But, she continues, they can’t be left on their own, either (like I said, an ass).

So, Jack is stuck with a bunch of preschoolers for an hour. Once he runs out of failed startup stories, he just starts rubber-ducking new business ideas off of them. It’s surprisingly effective: kids are really good at poking holes in what seem like reasonable plans to adults.

And this is how, once a teacher finally comes to see what’s going on, Mr. Lawrence is offered a job as a substitute teacher at his daughter’s preschool. He will get fired once he deals with a bully by holding the offender up by the ankle until a believable apology is delivered.

Pediatric Nurse

(the prompt giver was very specific that it should be nurse, not doctor)

Setting: Tantalus, Jack is a single dad and dirt-poor. Angel is hospitalized with something that requires long-term inpatient care, and Jack literally doesn't have the money to pay for her treatment and rent, so he loses the apartment and starts low-key living at the hospital.

He's getting away with it pretty well. Angel shares a room with a few more kids, whose parents catch on pretty quickly, but don't mind that an extra parent is hanging around, because the hospital is permanently understaffed, and the kids like having company. (He gets more than an occasional meal from other kids' parents, too.)

When Jack's not doing gig work on his laptop, he's reading up everything about Angel's condition as well as all-purpose medical care so he can take care of her when she's finally allowed to leave the hospital. He's a fast learner, and soon ends up helping out the permanently overworked nurses with basic stuff like changing dressings, giving an extra hand with whatever, and even fixing up some medical equipment when something outdated inevitably breaks. It's not long before the kids in Angel's room (and the adjacent rooms) start calling him Nurse Jack.

The only one who's not thrilled about Jack's permanent presence on the ward is a young (and very attractive) doctor who's being a real stick in the mud about 'non-medical personnel outside of visiting hours'. The fact that, thanks to Jack's liberal use of nicknames, the kids start calling him Dr. Cupcake doesn't win Jack much love, either. Things between them getting more tense by the day, and Jack is this close to getting banned from the hospital outside of strict visiting hours.

That is, until one day, some Tantalus bandits barge in, demand that the whole floor is cleared so that their boss can get medical attention, and even take some medical personnel (including Dr. Cupcake) hostage to make their point. Little did they know that one of their hostages is: a) not a licensed medical professional, but b) real handy with a gun.

[tokyokookmin]

I'm so glad to hear you're back here in tumblr. Its been quite long since you took your break from this platform. Of course you are also a human and you need a break sometimes but I really missed seeing those notifications on my phone saying "tokyokoomin just posted a post". I'm excited to know that you'll be posting regularly now. After all, you are our jikook queen, one of those people who entertained us throughout the covid period and would share with us about your favourite jikook moments etc. You remained unproblematic and you love to chat with us and reply to comment..... Making us feel really welcomed. I have been here since 2021, anyone else? Besides that... I enjoyed to read your top 10 or fav moments and you never neglected our feelings. You would always reply back and you're extremely friendly! You always gave us true news and confirmed culture related asks, you would share with about bits and pieces of Asian (being one yourself) culture and therefore i love your content very much. Welcome back our jikook Queen 😍💜. Looking forward for more posts!

-🦋Anon

Omg this ask melted my heart 🦋 Anon 😭😭♥️ you're the sweetest!!

I briefly took a break from the community in the second quarter of 2022 (I think I hit 1000 followers that time) as I needed to focus on myself and sort all my things out. I barely opened tumblr. I did sometimes but I wouldn't post anything. The break I took in 2022 was really good and I enjoyed it very much. I was silently active in the bts community. Just because I didn't post anything, doesn't mean I didn't know what was going on 🤣. Well last year was a roller-coaster for the bts armys and my personal life as well. So much happened lol!

I will post regularly now. Yes anon, more jikook moments posts are coming. Actually I'm in the midst of editing one moment ask so that will be out really soon!

I tend to post content which will able to produce a positive impact without any harm or malice in any possible way. I hope whatever I posted throughout the years managed to carve a smile on your lips 🥰💜

I would like to continue my Asian culture segment too! Its really fun to explain regarding our culture and what similarities Korean culture has with SEA culture! Be it food or traditions or sports, we are united! 💗

I really like to reply to all of your comments as well. I'm a social butterfly, I love to interact and discourse with people. All of your comments are certainly not ignored by me. It's my duty as a responsible Blogger/admin to reply and give my take on your thoughts about the topic I mention in my posts. Be it an emoji or a few sentences, I'll make sure to reply to all of you 🥰

As for my jikook posts, I'm really happy to know that some armys have actually turned into jikookers/ they support jikook from reading my posts alongside with a few other blogger posts. It's always nice to hear that your posts gives a positive impact on people's thinking and perspective of relationships and body language. I poured my heart out creating every single jikook posts. So yes, I really appreciate it when people compliment my posts and blog. A little support won't hurt, aren't I right? I love every single one of yall 🥰💜

I vividly remember opening my tumblr app during the day for a few hours to respond to yall and complete my drafts in 2021 😭. I only intended to write a few posts but I never knew I would be that committed to a blog lol 🤣.I met some really cool people through this community and yall are really sweet people. My moots too! They're amazing people and I absolutely love their content 💗.

I met a lot people here, even Korean jkkrs that spoke to me in the DM's and some of us are mutuals in twitter haha 😂💜. I'm glad I was able to establish a better and safer community here where we are gushing over our faves without being judged or anything. I really appreciate this platform to be honest 🥰

Any changes I noticed throughout the break?

As for jikook? Things never changed, they're still the same, same old glances, same old interactions, same old behaviour and body language ♥️. Yall are most welcomed to ask me jikook asks and contact me for any post recommendations! Bora💜💜!

Bts? That same old band I knew in 2018 are still the same. Never changed and never will, they're our humble Kings 💜💜

I have actually seen a few misconceptions about me in a few asks that I received recently. FYI (to all my new followers) I have been here since 2021 and I'm a jikook and BTS based blog. I post both jikook and bts related content. Just because I'm more leaned towards jikook in this blog, doesn't mean I can't post bts content.. I am a 0T7! I love bts with my whole heart and I will post regularly about bts members. Be it group posts, dynamic posts or bts solo career posts. All 7 of them are precious.

I miss all them but I hope we will embark on this new journey called Chapter two together 💜

I hope to be more active this year. Yes anon, your hype blogger is back and is ready to rock and roll!

I'm here to entertain y'all with lots of content this year! Psst... Currently, I'm working on my masterlist. Basically compiling all my content together and separating them into their folders. I hope to work faster on that and obviously more moment posts are coming. More posts of my perception of jikook moments, like the old days. I'm not going to engage in any hate posts anymore. I'm looking forward to make more of jikook moments and dynamics posts😉. Stay tuned guys 🥰

This blog is a safe place for 0T7 stans and jikook stans. Nothing else than that.

Also! We're close to hitting 1.5k followers! Thank you everyone for supporting this blog and sticking here with me! Your support is kindly appreciated. I never thought this would be possible but y'all disproved this perception of mine. The jikook Tumblr community is huge! Even though I was on a hiatus, my blog was still active. I gained 500 followers and received lots of love from y'all. It's remarkable, it really is.

🦋 Anon, I truly appreciate your love, your the sweetest! I just want to wrap you into a hug 😭💜

This whole post is a mess but it's a heartfelt one. I hope y'all enjoyed this little update from me. Hoping to make more meaningful memories here 💜🥰

Sincerely, tokyokookmin (that one Asian girl that expresses her love for bts and kookmin, doesn't really type in a bombastic way. Just a simple girl which types in simple terms. A STEM enthusiast) 💜

[im-not-thinking-confetti-cannons]

tagged by @itookyoudown - thank you!!

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.

first fic I published: Three Gunshots and Two Chemical Defects. It was 2013. SuperWhoLock was in full-swing. I owned one sweatshirt that said "honey, you should see me in a crown" and another that said "Lucifer, you're my brother and I love you, but you're a great big bag of dicks." They were simpler times, really.

(This remains the only MCD fic I've written, and will probably ever write. It's too angsty for me now.)

last fic I published: a paradox of pain, my collection of Kinktober 2023 fills, all for Justified. So far, so good! I think I've got every iteration of Boyd/Jimmy/Raylan/Tim on the list.

fic for a fandom I only wrote for once: oh, this list is long. I fandom-hop like nobody's business. let's go with They Haven't Seen the Best of Us (Yet), my single contribution to the Suits fandom. Harvey called Mike "good boy" in canon and I still haven't recovered from that, though this fic was my attempt to.

favorite fic in the fandom with the most works: gossamer sweetheart. I've written 14 fics for The Sandman, but I ADORE this one. Boyd Holbrook wore a dress in a photoshoot (more than once, but I'm talking about the pink one) and it lives rent-free in my brain, and this is the fic that tumbled out solely because of that picture.

fic I wish more people read: and forgive us our trespasses. I've only written het-adjacent fics three times, and this is one of them. It's for Preacher, which is a relatively small fandom that I showed up late to, so - no surprise it's not popular. But I adore Cassidy/Jesse/Tulip.

fic I agonized over the most: most definitely with skin intact and altered souls. The premise was simple enough: a twitter post about picking up a hitchhiker and chances of both people being serial killers came across my dash, and I'd just started rewatching Hannibal. It was fate: hitchhiker Will was born. Now, the research I had to do for that fic - not just nailing down the classical art/literature references, but creating and altering Hannibal-worthy tableaus - I'm positive I put more work into that than my college capstone. It's still the longest cohesive piece I've ever written.

fic that sprang fully-formed to my mind: I'll Look After You is also inspired by a picture (this one of Aaron Taylor-Johnson sitting on top of a washing machine) - I am, in fact, a one-trick pony. I left the theater after watching Avengers: Age of Ultron highkey shipping Clint and Pietro, and when I looked up ATJ to see what else he'd done I stumbled across that Kick-Ass promo pic. And then 2k of D/s hawksilver just fell out of me.

fic that I am proud of: Pacific Rim is my one true fandom, for real. I've got a tattoo planned and everything. And Chuck/Raleigh is one of my favorite pairings to ever exist. Those Three Words is a super-necessary fix-it fic and my first for Pacific Rim, so it's always going to be special to me.

I'm new here so I think @moorishflower is the only person I've got to tag

[necromeowncy]

If I weren't so nervous, I'd write this on Twitter or AO3, but you don't know how many times I've read and re-read your works. Without the slightest idea of names and events because I've never played any FF game. That doesn't stop me from enjoying reading your fics and enjoying your character. If you ever wrote a novel, I'd likely read that too.

I don't know - I just felt like sharing this. If it's not too late, I'd love it if you'd answer this. Other than Aedric & his snacks. (Which is really, really sweet in itself.) 51: What’s a nonverbal way they say I love you?

Hello anon, please don't be nervous - because I promise you I am even more of a nervous wreck! :) That being said, this is perhaps the most wonderful message I've ever received; I had no idea my writing for this ship breached containment out of the wolgraha/ffxiv tag, let alone that people were reading them that had no idea who or what a G'raha Tia or elezen even was. I woke up this morning to this anon and I almost started sobbing because it made me so happy. Thank you, truly and deeply. I don't even have the words for what this means to me. But perhaps I'll find some; be prepared for a long post!

I am, surprisingly, currently writing an original fantasy novel, and it means the world to me that folks would actually be interested in reading it. I never know if I should mention anything here on my fandom Tumblr about it, as I understand the novelist world at large sometimes looks down on fanfiction authors. But this anon made me realize I probably shouldn't dice myself up into tiny, palatable pieces in order to find respect in the writing community. So I'll talk about it here:

I'm writing a queer fantasy novel that has the tentative title of This Gift Illuminated. It's still in its early stages, and I have been going back and forth on if I'm going to self-publish or just host the story on my own website for people to read for free. For the very first time publicly, I'll share the synopsis:

The world is losing its magic.  For centuries, the human Kingdom of Meyra had one rule: those born with mageblood, known as the Gifted, must submit to the royal palace to further their study in the arcane arts. These days, mageblood is rare. So when Farin shows signs of being touched by magic, he's sent away to study in the capitol along with any other Gifted, as rare as they may be. He'd welcome this opportunity with open arms, especially since it means corresponding letters with a mysterious magics expert named Elias. The nation that had long given up on magic now has a new hope.  In the elf kingdom of Rime, Elias remains the only person stubbornly dedicated to the study of the arcane. Having lost the last of their magic decades ago, the elves have built a thriving nation with the ingenuity of technological marvels. Elias's many letters to the aging human mages of Meyra have been met with silence and dismissal - until one day his letters are answered by a newly appointed Gifted. Perhaps this Farin is the key to unlocking why both of their peoples have been losing touch with the arcane - as well as save the human kingdom before they suffer the same magic-bereft fate.  This Gift Illuminated is a tale of love and learning in a changing world.

Two scholars in different nations fall in love after exchanging letters for years. They are nerds. There are elves and magic, as this seems to be my wheelhouse, so I'm going to stay aboard the "awkward elf nerd and excitable wizard" train as long as I can. I may post more about this on my personal Tumblr @thewizardtower ! I'm thinking of sharing some of the prose, but I'm unsure. Who knows, I might be brave and share the prologue!

And, at last - your wolgraha prompt! Thank you for this.

51. What’s a nonverbal way they say I love you?

Aedric and G'raha both share the love language of touch. Oftentimes, they'll both be reading side-by-side. Even if they're reading separate books entirely, they'll still manage to sit close enough that their knees will brush, or their shoulders will lean against one another, or their spare fingers will interlace - silent, save for the turning of the occasional page, or the flickering of a candle's flame. Sometimes, they'll sit in each others laps wordlessly. Or lazily comb fingers through the other's hair. Sometimes, too, G'raha's tail will wrap around Aedric, and that is perhaps Aedric's favorite. The comforting physical presence of being near each other does wonders on their healing hearts after their many trials and near-death experiences. Just knowing that the other is here within touching distance - alive, whole - is perhaps the greatest healing spell in all of Etheirys.

[llondonfog]

fic writer asks!!! 🌈 🎀 💝 🍭 💎 ☯️ (i got. a bit excited ahfbsjfn)

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

the upcoming zine fic my god i just wanted it to be so perfect because this was my first time committing to a word limit way above what i normally write, and it would be illustrated by someone i really admire— i really agonized over every word of that fic and kept deleting pages of it because i doubted it so much lol overall though, if i'm struggling with a prompt, i'll just delete large portions of it and rewrite entirely, if not from scratch until the flow finally kicks in and the words start to piece back together

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

there are quite a few that i wrote as throwaways that spiked in notes which left me thoroughly bemused, but i have to say it's the potion!au one!!! that was a completely isolated prompt that i didn't expect to touch again after the twstober writing event, and i STILL get asks on it today!! it blows my mind how that resonated with so many of you- it wasn't one i was intending to world-build or even write more about, so i'm really happy that i've had the chance to explore it with everyone<3

🍭why did you start writing?

this is so lame, but i honestly can't recall. i've just always loved stories and i've always enjoyed writing/essay prompts for school when i was younger- pretty much all of my english classes would have us free-write for about 10 min of the period starting from when i was in 3rd grade, and that definitely fostered my joy for exploring new prompts and ideas. i think i was around 13 yro when i discovered fanfics, and that opened an entire new world where i learned that if i didn't like a scene in a book or how characters interacted.....i could just rewrite it and that completely blew my mind lol

💎why is writing important to you?

funnily enough, most of my writing could be considered vent pieces. i write to purge my emotions (positive and negative), and to validate for myself that i can still weave a story after abandoning the practice for a few years. it's a way of expression, and i enjoy having a partner along for the ride to grow with and from as we explore ideas together

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

i personally think the positive engagement outweighs the negative- i love being able share work from the community and go wild with praise in the tags, i think that everyone deserves to hear how their artwork/story/post touched their audience. in that same way, it's how we all get to trade ideas and build off each other's premises that gets fed back into the community until they take on lives of their own. it's amazing to see what a thriving fandom can create when there's so much affection for the content and those creating, it's something i've not been a part of before when most of the fandoms i've joined have been dead ones lol

i can't say that i have social anxiety, but i am a highly forgetful person when it comes to engagement ; A ; i'll see that someone reblogged my stuff or left a message with a highly insightful and sweet comment, and i'll get all excited to respond to them later.......and then later turns into several days because it completely slipped my mind and it's too late to acknowledge it now ; A ; im really bad at that, i can only keep a conversation up with like two people online before i get completely overwhelmed and neglect everything else ailfjiafd

[flapjacs]

PSA - devianart and AI

deviantart has added an inhouse AI to their platform and you are by default opted in for AI services; you must manually opt out.

If you want to remain on deviantart but do not want your artwork used for AI training, start working now, it's been 6 hours since dA announced the implementation. They're making you do the work to opt out of this yourself.

As with anything, please do your own research into this news; but to summarize, this is what I understand from what dA has posted:

At this time you and all your posts are automatically opted in for usage - meaning you will have to manually opt out your posts from 3rd party AI and fill out a google form, that's right, a google form, to opt out your username/pseudonyms etc from use in prompts for dA's inhouse AI.

Straight from the G O O G L E FORM:

Once we have received your request, our staff will review it manually, and, if approved, you will receive an email within 10 business days.

Not only do you have to ask for them not to do what they've already allowed without your permission, they're telling you they don't even have to listen to your request.

Re: the per post opt-out: I'm not sure if this means they have a deal with 3rd parties or it's as much of a useless plea as we make ourselves for people not to steal our work. Reading further it looks like it automatically sends a notice to whomever is stealing your work to not do that™️ (dA apparently knows when an AI model downloads an image from dA).

They've stated multiple times in bold CAPS that they did not, do not, will not upload your work to AI models but they are automatically opting you in for it to be used. So what is the truth?

it's been 3 hours since dA made the tweet announcing it and despite immediate backlash, they've doubled down and not changed the default to opt out. This concerns not only everyone posting but deceased artists as well. Despite claiming they are giving agency to how you control AI connection to your account they're still supporting not only 3rd party AI which ignore copyright, but not protecting you from their own AI by default.

I was too scared to post on dA as a kid but this is where most of us got our start, if only by being introduced to the art world online. I made an account earlier this year but my god that UI is trash, the front page is nothing but porn, and no matter how many time I click "show less like this" none of what I try to block goes away. I thought maybe, just maybe I'll hold on and see if it's worth it. So many people recently went back to/joined dA, or were considering it, because social media sucks and this is what they get. Glad I hadn't posted anything yet.

There's no saying whether dA will undo this bullshit or keep on it but if you decide to delete your dA account, I suggest you make sure to delete your posts first, which is a good idea on any platform. If you want to keep your dA account and deviations, but do not support AI, do some hand exercises so you don't cramp your hand as you manually opt out on every piece of artwork you've uploaded to dA over the span of possibly two decades.

edit: I forgot to add, I do not know if deleting your posts and account on dA will remove your work completely from their servers/database. At least opt out your posts and tell deviantart off in some way or another.

Here are the links to the announcements on dA and twitter (linking the tweet inline bc the thumbnail was in light mode smh).

[abysscronica]

I hope it's ok to ask, I noticed you don't interact with many blogs or fandom discourse in general. Is there a reason?

Okay, I've received a couple of asks and DMs more or less revolving around this topic, so I'm going to address it here.

My blog's main goal is to interact with my existing readers, since all my stories are on AO3 and Wattpad (I've only posted a couple here). I use it to answer your questions on my writings, the characters, and whatever you guys want to ask me, and I love it. Of course I'm happy if I get some more readers from Tumblr, but that's not my primary aim here, at least for now.

It would be great to use this page to expand my followers, but I barely have time to actually write these days, so unfortunately, at the moment, I can't afford to spend any to curate this space... except for answering your asks. (on this regard, I know I'm months late for some, please don't lose hope, everything is there and will be worked on eventually!)

That said, even if I do get time to dedicate to my tumblr at some point, it'll probably be ordering my posts and posting my other stories, not much more. Before I go into more details on my thoughts on fandom discourse and fics/headcanons, let me repeat the usual disclaimer...

The ones below represent my very personal views. They are not right or wrong, and it absolutely does not mean I disapprove of different views. I encourage you all to enjoy the fandom experience and community in the way you see fit, as long as it's not damaging you or anyone else.

Fandom discourse. I... simply don't really care about it. I'm talking mainly about One Piece, but this can apply to any content I enjoy. Here's how my experience goes: I read the manga, the SBS, watch the anime, consume basically any content available. I follow a couple of OP youtubers talking about every little thing, from chapter reviews to any kind of news (Tekking101 and Sawyer7mage). Then I write fanfictions based on all the knowledge accumulated, of course expanding into my personal headcanons. This pretty much satiates my thirst for content and need for sources.

Obviously I enjoy talking about OP with other fans, especially like-minded ones such as Kid Pirates fans. Buuuut being an active part of the community can also be exhausting. I'm sure you know there's a lot of Kid dissing going on for example, and Kid fans are often caught in battles to defend him. I honestly don't want to take part into it, because I don't think other people's feelings about a character should influence my experience of the show anyway, so I don't care about changing their mind either. I just... wanna do my own thing and share it with my mutuals & readers.

Analyses, meta, theories. Honestly, the two OP youtubers I follow (plus Arthur's posts on Twitter) fulfill this need in a very comprehensive way. I've yet to see a single tumblr post that comes even close to their insights (but if you know some, feel free to point me in that direction, I'll be happy to check them out). They often even contain inaccurate information. I do reblog whatever I deem interesting though, and I'll gladly answer to anything if you wanna know about my thoughts.

Fics & headcanons. Once again, I'll always be super happy to share my content with you guys. I cannot accept fic requests but feel free to ask for any headcanon you may be interested in!

As for other people's stuff. I said this before, unfortunately I'm a terribly picky reader (this does not only apply to fics, but to literature in general). The slightest hint of "unjustified" OC, a Mary Sue trait on a MC, too many cliches, a writing style that does not catch me... I'll scroll ahead. I know many will roll their eyes at this, and they are right, but I just won't impose something I don't fully enjoy to myself, not with my limited spare time. But writers should write whatever they want and I'll never be unsupportive of that, even if it's not my jazz! The stuff I read and enjoyed, I reblog.

This should be all I have to say on the matter. If you have any further question, feel free to send and ask.

[femperials]

did dynasty elaborately use their last gay character standing being biphobic as an allegory for how demanding and ungrateful they believe their gay audience is? is this just another piece in a long-term pattern from dynasty to get back at their lgbt audience? am i giving them too much credit by thinking they’re smart enough to be that evil? let’s discuss. 

(this post will contain un-tagged talk about biphobia within the lgbt community as well as community infighting in online queer spaces. it’s pride month! if talking about those topics is going to (reasonably) bum you out, please skip this post at least for now!) 

this is the most negative thing i have ever written about dynasty and will likely be the ONLY post of its kind that i ever write. it’s impossible not to talk about the writing, cast, crew, etc of this show and be 100% just about the plots because there will often be overlap in terms of the how and the why of it. this will be the only post that i put here that focuses on critiquing the overall running of dynasty’s production and patterns of poor decision making over the course of the past five years. as i say on all of my fandom social media, often, i have overwhelmingly positive feelings about dynasty and find heavy comfort in it. if i want to write 4.1k words about something about it that has always felt a little ‘off’, im gna do that. :)

back during the final stretch of season 4, i distinctly remember talking with some friends about our feelings towards the show (as we often do) and while i'm possibly the least jaded in both my circle of friends and my online circles of other dynasty viewers, i do have some lines that i would absolutely drop the show like a hot pan for. 

they're SUPER distinct and clear lines that are less personally-triggering and moreso things that would feel distinctly like the writers either a) were intentionally trying to hurt certain demographics of their audience or, possibly just as bad, b) were genuinely too out of touch to realize the ramifications of. dynasty features plenty content that i find triggering on a personal level but as a general rule, i know that there is a separation between things that upset me individually and things that are related to doing more serious damage. sometimes these things overlap (an example, which i'll obviously be talking about liberally in this post, being homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc). so, while i have certain things that i wince away from every time dynasty shoves at us - looking at you, the beaten-to-death horse known as 'people being drugged against their will as a comedy trope' - i put up with it.  

as a sidenote, i think that the twitter timeline during episode 5.15 was a really great example of what sorts of buttons people won't allow others to push. the biphobic comment in the episode was hurtful enough for bisexual people to have to hear at all, but on top of that, the who - what - where of it all was even more insidious than it may have seemed on a surface level to people who saw their mutuals talking about it without being part of the dynasty sphere.

in 4.15, we were introduced to eva. she was cute, she was fun, she was there to be fallon's new assistant (funnily enough, the replacement for allison - the only canonically wlw character at the time since amanda wouldn't appear until the following episode), and then of course, to be a foil for falliam. the concept of there being any credible foil to falliam was ALREADY laughable at this point. i'm not even going to bother touching on how deeply predictable and boring the very concept of the writers thinking any of us truly believe they would do anything interesting or dangerous with them. i was bopping along in season 4, minding my business, discussing my theories with my friends and other people online and hehe-ing about how boring the eva-likes-liam thing was when i woke up in a cold sweat one night with a horrifying thought: what if the writers shake things up for fucking once in terms of falliam? what if this won't be their 500th predictable stupid storyline? what if eva is going to try to break up falliam because she likes fallon and not liam?

it turns out i was giving them too much credit in that department, so i lived to keep watching the show another day. that had been my own paranoid theory that i immediately jumped into the groupchat with to say ‘ok i found it, i found what i would stop watching dynasty for’. they were already pushing the stalking angle with eva and fallon’s previous stalker had been the only east asian representation on dynasty ever. if they said ‘ok lets do that storyline again but with a creepy predatory GIRL KISSER’ i think i would have had to tap out. 

another sidenote - i love hearing about people’s ‘what i would stop watching dynasty for’ moments. everyone’s different thoughts are so different and every time someone has told me one of theirs its usually something i didn’t even consider, but realized their fear of it happening was definitely still rooted in logic based on the way certain storylines go in this show.

dynasty's relationship with its lgbt audience has always been shaky at best and borderline emotional terrorism at its worst. from the outright refusal for a wlw character (which even then, was still a bit of a 'gotcha' at the audience) until its final stretch despite long ago having shifted from a series about the scandals of business with social and emotional stories woven in to a nearly sitcom-esque y.a. romance, or the fact that sammy jo is literally the last gay standing, the lgbt viewers have long resigned to a state of refusing to expect anything and shitposting about it for fun to keep things light. it's a cw show. plenty of the audience for dynasty - cishet AND lgbt - have experienced them before. for the lgbt audience, we're all seasoned veterans when it comes to navigating passive-aggressive feedback from the production teams and sometimes even cast members, not to mention the blatant and aggressive homophobia from other fans who don't fit into the same minority groups that a lot of us do and have no lived experience to draw any empathy from.

i think a lot of writers for television - a lot of which are specific to the cw though if i were to start naming examples from their recent catalogue, i would be here all day - learned fairly early on that blatant homophobia causes outrage which obviously causes buzz. this makes for great television writing because it very much gives the straight audience something to be surprised by and interested in. often the best of the self-proclaimed straight allies often for some reason love to see an act of homophobia and yell "i am NOT like that, by the way!" without doing much else, but it makes them feel good at the end of the day nonetheless. they get to think about the hardships that lgbt people face for a few minutes, go "oh jeez, how awful" which obviously makes them incredible people and there you have it. this is great news for television writers, as being the writer puts you in a position to 'make up a guy and then get mad at him' (for the record, this is bad when people do it random political discourse, not in television for the most part. 'make up a guy and ___' is sort of the basis of writing, that isn't the issue here). the thing is, those scenes where lgbt people face discrimination are not 'feel good' moments for the lgbt audience, usually. just like in real life, the other shoe dropping where the writers add in a little "and then the homophobe gets his just desserts" doesn't really heal the shock or hurt for anyone except their straight audience. when i get yelled at or threatened in public and a well-meaning ally steps up and tells the person harassing me to go fuck themselves, i still just experienced being harassed. i may be thankful to the person who used their power to help me, but i still was, for a moment, in a position where i needed help. 

homophobia exists, obviously, and shows set in the real world will obviously have moments where it is appropriate to weave it into the story. no one is arguing this much. the issue is that certain shows, and dynasty is not the only show that deserves this critique, will not have any real intention to dedicate time or care to this issue. i've spoken a lot about how i prefer that the newer seasons of dynasty stop trying when it comes to touching on serious issues because their track record of trying to do things tactfully hasn't been good since season 1. 

the other side of this blade is that we've now experienced two instances of anti-lgbt rhetoric from within canon, and both times it has been from lgbt characters.

in season 2, we had beto - cristal's brother who is aggressively homophobic specifically towards sam but plot twist! it was because he was into sam and was just shamefully closeted all along. audiences pushed back HARD against that across social media and explained why the rhetoric that lgbt people are really our own worst enemies was so dangerous - the cast or crew obviously didn't comment, which they generally don't so that wasn't strange - but the cishet audience did make sure to put on their best meat-gargling britches and let the lgbt audience know that if we were so unhappy with what we got, we could go watch something else and leave them alone.

in season 5, we got the pride party episode. i call it the pride party episode because while the actual pride party took up maybe about 8 total minutes of screen time, it was what the cast and crew posted the majority of their behind the scenes content from and it was obviously meant to be the draw as it did air during pride month.  for those who haven't watched yet or have been scouring for spoilers after seeing the tweets and different social media posts talking about it, here's your context:

sam begins to feel like he's an irrelevant gay in atlanta so he enlists the help of kirby and culhane to throw the biggest pride party of the weekend and get his status back. kirby and culhane put together a big party but same is unhappy with it (in their defense, his 'theme' was call me by your name / twink / leather daddy realness. with a drag performance. i think that since THAT was such a word salad of gay terminology that make no cohesive sense together, they just assumed he didn't know what he was talking about and was going to be cool with rainbow streamers and edm). he blows up and refers to culhane as a 'bad ally' and calls kirby 'just gay whenever it's convenient' - both comments he later apologizes for in the same breath because they were OBVIOUSLY on the same level of offensive (he also, at one earlier point, refers to them as allies together and while i don't know if it was intentional or not, it kind of felt more like a writers flub moreso than a dig at kirby but i could be wrong. kirby was sam's token straight for so long that it might just be muscle memory). he gets a quick pep talk from angeria paris vanmichaels and admits that he was actually just insecure about his gayness.

i've already said that it's harmful for straight people (though gay people also parrot this rhetoric too sometimes) to either make jokes about or outright seriously claim that people who perpetuate the most homophobia are insecure or closeted gay people. add on top of that that dynasty has now TWICE ‘addressed’ homo/bi/transphobia and both times have been by lgbt characters. i’m also in the conspiracy-theory camp of believing that fanworks for dynasty have, in the past, influenced the direction of the show or inspired plots and tropes used, and while kirby anders was always an icon for the wlw audience since before she was even introduced, fanworks that featured fan-interpretations of her as a wlw character often weren’t shy about talking about the implications that that would have if it were to fit into the canon of the show. some headcanons and fan-created works became common use among the wlw fandom and while they had no basis in canon they were considered ‘canon’ in the fan-verse where kirby was wlw - all of this pre-wlw-canon kirby, of course. a personal favorite in a lot of wlw fanworks for dynasty was the concept that alexis carrington, historically not a homophobe, would be perfectly okay with her daughter (either or, depending on your persuasion) dating another woman - but NEVER if it were kirby, turning the homophobic character trope on its head.  

what distinctly stood out to me once the smoke cleared from hearing the most wattpad-villain-esque overused line of biphobia from, again, the ONLY remaining gay man on the show, was exactly why sam saying it was so much more unsettling than just your run of the mill ‘homophobes are just mean gays’ tropery. earlier when i mentioned that the lgbt audience of dynasty tend to approach things in a sort of resigned way, i probably should have clarified that ‘expects nothing good’ comes in a wide range of flavours, spanning from ‘cautious but refusing to be hopeful’ (shoutout to kamanda nation) all the way to ‘blatantly giggling at all of the cw’s attempts to garner interest’. my dynasty twitter timeline and groupchats leading up to ‘the pride party episode’ since it was announced were a constant stream of shitposting and sarcastic claims that it would be a trainwreck that everyone was deeply excited to watch happen (“the cw is kicking the air right now demanding to know why they still aren’t allowed to say the f slur after putting a rainbow border on their page”).

there are plenty of common biphobic talking points. like every single group within the lgbt community, lack of understanding or empathy for one another who have different experiences than we do can cause ignorance and hurt. in my personal opinion, ‘queer discourse’, as its often all lumped together as, can do its part to help us educate one another on our own unique histories and experiences while it can also be a jumping-off point for hatred and circular, senseless arguing. also in my personal opinion, when it comes to queer discourse, or more often than not, community infighting, it should be entirely left up to those groups involved. i will listen to and value the opinion of someone that disagrees with me (to a reasonable extent, obviously) who i share a space with over the opinion of someone who agrees with me but has no idea what they’re talking about. for this reason, i obviously do not care about cishet opinions on queer issues. the internet evolves and expands incredibly quickly. online queer discourse used to be mainly reserved for deep tumblr: sideblogs and instant messages and google docs with links to talking points and sources in case one was ever backed into a corner in an argument. now, queer discourse has become such a massive part of the average twitter experience (not to mention tiktok) that its caught the attention of cishet people in a very strange way. not only have people with zero lived experience began to pay attention to what inter-community issues that the lgbt community are discussing, they’ve also pushed themselves into the discussions.  

it's not difficult at all, nowadays, for any straight television writer with a twitter account to not only a) find an lgbt issue to exploit clumsily for a quick plot or b) find an lgbt issue to exploit to have their audience do the fighting for them. a personal favorite example of mine is 7-season CW hatecrime The 100. their mistreatment of lesbian character lexa and wildly archaic use of the dead lesbian trope (which, while overlapping often, is not to be confused with the bury your gays trope) upset audiences on a catastrophic level. the interesting part, though, was that the bisexual female lead would go on to endgame with the male cishet lead in the wake of the death of her lesbian love interest. this was obviously upsetting to the lesbian audience for the obvious reasons that being brutally killed off (in a very specific way, too, which is worth looking up if you’re interested in queer fandom history) in order to make room for another m/f relationship. however, any lgbt person who has spent more than a few minutes in literally any queer discourse space online would be privy to the fact that lesbians and bisexual women can sometimes carry a certain tension when it comes to discussions about validity. this is not a queer discourse blog and i’m not going to delve into the talking points surrounding this, but it is important for me to point out that those talks DO take place in a lot of queer online spaces, and since online fandom is often a relatively queer space itself, the discussions do bleed together sometimes. that’s why it was so genius (in a sociopathic sort of way) for the cast, crew, and writer’s room of the 100 to listen to the lesbians crying about the representation being yanked out from under them and go “you hear that, bisexual audience? the lesbians are mad because YOU aren’t gay enough for them on this show.” 

i didn’t watch the 100. i was about to start it the week that they killed off lexa which i personally think was one of the top 10 bullets dodged in history. but EVERYONE in online fandom spaces, myself included, knows what happened and experienced it in some regard. the 100 became a piece of history for the resulting terrible pr that they got for the writing choice as well as their unprofessional and batshit insane handling of the aftermath. the cw to this day has never made a mistake so serious again but the lasting effects of pitting one’s lgbt audience against each other to avoid accountability has never left, and the cw specifically is famous for its use of audience infighting to avoid effort and quality when it comes to lgbt storylines. sam’s biphobic comment hit hard in that way, because the writers got to throw that in and step back and go “whoa now hey it wasn’t us! it was the gay guy. obviously!”

and his phrasing, “gay when its convenient” - while also not an uncommon biphobic soundbite - was hilariously something that dynasty’s lgbt audience have been saying for years. after steammy was wiped off the map as a couple and sam was written into a few forgettable guy of the month romances with minimal screentime to keep cashing in one being able to put SOMETHING in the ‘we promise we have diversity’ montages that the cw keeps getting fucking clowned for posting (seriously, why do they keep posting those ads? i have NEVER seen a healthy comment section under one of them) they finally seemed to find their footing to utilize rafael de la fuente’s talent in a meaningful way. his drama work is unreal. he manages to hit his comedy beats even when the writing is clearly below him and elevates it every time. this of course had to come at the cost of dropping a lot of the romance from his storyline which would be perfectly fine - perhaps even welcome especially in these later seasons - were he not the only opportunity for the mlm audience to have someone they can relate to.

dynasty’s cishet audience commenting about how the moment amanda was canonized as wlw that it was ‘too soon’ to start putting her into relationships was the usual level of tone-deaf and blatantly un-self-aware that lgbt audiences have been putting up with since the dawn of time. 

‘gay when its convenient’ has been something that the lgbt audiences have been accusing dynasty of since the first season came and went without a hint of fallon carrington looking twice at a girl, after liz gillies said that she could definitely see fallon as a bisexual woman. dynasty's answer to lgbt people asking for representation - PROPER representation - has always been met with either crumbs (rip allison!) or a sort of weird derisive 'here's what we have for you - YOU are actually VERY stupid for thinking we wouldn't give it to you and i think that says more about how miserable you all are than it does about us as a television show' vibe. fallon's offhanded comment about 'having always had a thing for princess frostine' in 2.12 was not a 'win' for bisexual representation, either. at the time, it almost felt like a smug little slap in the face to the people who were flooding online anonymous forums to scream and cry "STOP saying fallon likes girls" at the wlw audience. rewatching it even a day later felt like a slap in the face to the lgbt audience who claimed that the show didn't have enough queer characters. the line meant nothing and went no where - it was just a reminder that "she's right HERE you blind idiots, stop asking us for more gay women". 

pre-kamanda, dynasty consistently told us that we had all of the representation we needed. we have a gay guy who pops in to say random gay-isms (who was once a success story about an undocumented immigrant from an abusive household that struggled and cheated and did what he could to survive among billionaires) once or twice per episode, and we have fallon, who sometimes slaps women on the ass as they walk by, or whatever. the lgbt audience came up with our own ships and our own silly in-universe ideas to keep us busy while we sat through whatever new trope the writers wanted to half-ass with falliam for the majority of the episode. and, since we thought, only having historical patterns to base our expectations on, that we were never going to get anything, we let our own fan-canon and faux-theories get wilder and sillier despite the usual obstacles whether that was the writers making them moot with canon on accident or the literal cast of the show mocking us publicly based on their own misunderstanding of the concepts at hand (as an aside: cast and crew’s of shows and movies interacting with fanworks is not only their given right but also often very welcome. that being said, at the end of the day it was never for them, though that is a topic for another day).

kamanda was not only a breath of fresh air in terms of finally having something a little more lighthearted and fun without feeling like a waste of time to focus on, but it brought back audience that had long-since jumped ship (often around early to mid season 4).

even then, there was something sort of ‘off’ about the whole feeling. these aren’t my personal opinions because i didn’t see amanda’s introduction, kirby’s wlw canonization, or kamanda in general anything other than an (embarrassingly fucking late) agreement to finally give the wlw audience what we’ve been asking for for the last five years: real (fictional) women in a real (fictional) relationship, a privilege granted to literally everyone else on the show since the very beginning, in a show that had increasingly dropped most of its plotting to focus solely on romance and interpersonal relationships. i did however see static and enter discussions about the a) aggressive cancellation season last-ditch attempt to be relatable and b) a redirect of the wlw audience’s attention away from firby - arguably the most popular dynasty ship behind falliam, pre-kamanda. i’m literally still in the middle of a giant unhinged post about the history of firby fandom and its eventual replacement by kamanda so i’m not going to go into a lot of detail about it here. the main takeaway there is that the way in which dynasty hands us our representation often feels like we’re supposed to feel bad about it once we get it. not in the ‘here’s representation but they’re BAD’ way, but in a ‘how dare you have ever doubted us, why are you even here if you’re so angry with us’ sort of way. i would consider that my own paranoia and overthinking and just assuming that i’m feeling sorry for myself had i not realized across multiple platforms how widespread that weird ‘guilty’ feeling is when it comes to being lgbt in dynasty fandom. 

the biphobia is the core issue at hand - full stop. bisexual audiences did not need to hear something like that and especially not coming from a show that consistently backs out of touching on real-world issues by claiming that the show is meant to be an escape and therefore wouldn't be fair to the audience. the bisexual audience do not qualify for such escapism.

however what this obnoxiously long rant of a post is also poking at is that sam's biphobic comment not only shocked and hurt the bisexual audience but it added to an overarching message that the lgbt audience have been having yelled at us by dynasty for the past five years, usually RIGHT whenever we feel comfortable and safe, and that's that sure, this show is going to upset us sometimes but that's the real world, and symbolically, we really only have ourselves to blame.

[musesforamonday]

the conundrum of a liberal arts degree

Go ahead. Press play on the song I've included above. I promise it's not a mistake. I have included a recording of New Zealand baritone, Teddy Tahu Rhodes, singing the infamous Toreador song from Bizet's Carmen for your listening pleasure and to be the background music for the following blog post.

This is hopefully the first of many weekly Monday posts, my ADHD willing. I have returned to my 2014 One Direction obsessed roots and have come crawling back to the blogging platform of Tumblr to express my thoughts. Mostly because Twitter stresses me out and I have already scared away too many of my Instagram followers.

So why did you choose to make your readers (hopefully there are more of you than just my Mom) listen to opera as they read your chaotic and unorganized thoughts, Maryn? I'll tell you. I graduated with my bachelors degree in music where I focused my studies on opera and musical theatre performance. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm fairly good at what I do and was recognized for my hard work throughout my time as a liberal arts college student. I can sing in four languages, tap dance, analyze 18th century music, and explain to you how Wagnerian opera changed the world and the entertainment industry as we know it. So why the opera? Simply to be pretentious if we're being honest but mostly because I have to have a soundtrack to everything I do and that will now extend to me forcing my readers to live their lives as I do, fully believing that they are the main character and that Bizet orchestrated their lives.

As I laid out in the previous paragraph, I know what I'm talking about and was considered a respected student and performer among my community. Once I graduated I got an incredible performing job (which I still have. It's great, HOWEVER most performing jobs are not full time and do not offer benefits and are not stable. But that could just be on me for wanting to tap dance for a living.) but found myself working a 9 to 5 customer service job to pay the bills. I was terrible at it.

I had visions of working as a florist and being with plants all day (how main character of me) so I took a customer service job in a flower shop. I really loved the people I worked with and it was not a terrible job, but one thing I had failed to realize was that 90% of the work in the floral industry is working in funerals. Customer service for funeral work is not for the faint of heart and ESPECIALLY not for highly sensitive people like myself. I had to make a change when I found myself having to take a walk around the block sobbing my mascara into a dark pool on my cheeks that prompted a rather large and gruff-looking man to yell at me across the street "You okay? You're beautiful, don't let life get you down!"

I was frustrated with myself. I was once one of the most respected lyrical sopranos in my area and here I was, reduced to tears by some woman furious beyond belief over a single Gerber daisy. I voiced my feelings to my friends who are also in the same boat that I'm in, incredibly talented individuals working mundane jobs to pay for their performing careers that may or may not take off. I couldn't help but think of the astonishing vocalists and performers I work with and interact with on the daily and how they are teachers, engineers, and secretaries among many other things. Why do we spend so much of our time honing our craft only to barely use it because it isn't financially lucrative? How do you represent creative people on paper when what we do is emotional and lasts a fleeting two and half hours?

Creative people are problem solvers, empaths, and good at so much more than just singing and dancing, but the problem is we are confined to an 8.5x11 piece of paper that tells indeed.com that we are qualified for jack squat. So that is why I have revived my dormant tumblr blog. To find a creative way to represent myself on paper. (Or in this case, a shoddy html code that I taught myself how to create in high school.) I have a complicated and eccentric personality that takes many a while to get to know and appreciate. Hopefully a weekly post is going to expedite that process. XOXO, future employers. I promise I'm really funny and will find a point to this blog soon.

As we say in the opera world, Toi toi toi!

-Maryn

[emponies]

♙♔♛♣♛♚♙

♦Well uh, hi!! you can call me chob(she/her)! i love Empires SMP and ponies, so i made a blog for empires ponies. because yes here i will be posting art i create of emponies. enjoy but pls read this post first for some cautions and heads ups and warnings and all that. ty

♦Currently all drawings/desings will be from season 1 as i have not seen any episodes from season 2 yet. i probably will in the near future tho.

♦feel free to ask me something, or request a scene/character to draw

♦NOTE: As this blog first starts out, most of the art you see will be mere concepts of what I think each cc would look like, both cc wise and empires canon wise. but after i got a rough concept of everyone then the fun starts lol

♦NOTE 2: This is NOT AT ALL intended to be a daily doodles type thing. i draw/post when i feel like it. sometimes a bitch be artblocked asf.

♦NOTE 3: Not every drawing is going to be a completely finished full piece. sometimes i'll just post some doodles. i am dogshit at natural backgrounds. So dont expect much of that lol

♦NOTE 4: Smallishbeans , ldshadowlady, and mythical sausage are my all time favorites… so you'll probably see a lot of art of THEM especially. juuuuust a heads up. i am planning to have many art pieces of each member tho so uh dont worry abt ur fave being excluded

♦NOTE 5: check out the emponies twitter !! also follow ME on twitter!! bc i said so. i follow back btw. would like some more empires/afterlife mutuals

♦NOTE 6: i swear a lot lol

♦NOTE 7: warning for a mild amount of shipping. not much tho. may occasionally make a joke abt two characters dating or i'll draw something dumb or sum I am only intending to ship the empires characters, not the actual creators. Of course if a creator says they are uncomfortable with shipping i will not draw anything of that sort

this does not apply to joel and lizzie since ofc they are already a thing. you will probably see lots of joel+lizzie stuff.

And obviously this blog is going to be entirely SFW. even though i say fuck.

♦NOTE 8: I have also seen afterlife smp, so you may see some doodles from there too. i may also draw and post pony versions of ccs who aren't in empires but associate with their group(ex: afterlife ccs like oli, meghan, etc). I've also seen 3rdlife/lastlife(NOT doublelife atm) so you may see some art from there too. though it'll probably only be joel and lizzie lol

♦NOTE 9: currently this account is only ran by me, chob. if you want to mod with me, dm me on twitter (@hitmonchob) and we'll get things sorted out

♦NOTE 10: do not kill the part of you that is cringe. Kill the part that cringes.

♦NOTE 11: i am fairly new to tumblr. i have never owned a blog before. little to no clue how this stuff works. bare with me lol

i think that's it for now! Sorry for typing a whole ass novel lmao… i thank you for reading all of it Enjoy your stay at emponies ig !!

♙♔♛♣♛♚♙

[prismatoxic]

glancing on twitter for a post someone links to and finding that a bunch of your friends are using it almost exclusively is... a weird feeling?

i'm always going to be sour about the state of modern social media. i think some are worse than others, and i'm especially bitter about ones that try to replicate the tumblr format but maintain the restrictive NSFW content rules. but twitter...

i don't know. i knew i'd lose a lot of mutuals when i left it for good. it was the right move; twitter was stressful, and its algorithm makes it more of a cesspit than it might be otherwise. not even getting into the absolute piece of shit who currently owns it. i hope he gets hit by one of his fucking polygonal trucks.

maybe i'm still sensitive from 2018. when i got banned from tumblr around the nsfw purge, it stung to have a lot of people not... leave it. people who were my friends. i wanted solidarity, but you can't really ask that of people when it comes to social media, because they're all so different and fill such specific needs. but it did feel dismissive. maybe that's the bpd talking. a lot of times it's the bpd talking, in general.

when i got banned from twitter after that, i already had a second one to move to full-time. that time was absolutely mass-reporting, but i didn't want to fight it. i was tired. being on the forefront of discourse was exhausting.

but this time, i left twitter of my own volition. the "post rationing" was what broke me, but that being walked back didn't make me want to return, because i'd been gearing up to do it anyway. it felt like such a toxic place to be. people are still there, though. sometimes they're only there. or mostly. and why not? you can still post NSFW. all your friends are there. why wouldn't you stick around?

some part of me tries to chalk it up to a moral failing on their part, but. that's not it. i'm not better for still using tumblr. so what is it, really? well, it is the bpd: i feel left out. like i left a party to sit on the lawn but everyone else is still inside. it's a me thing, it's no one else's issue to deal with, but the nature of how bpd works means it twists me up inside nonetheless. do i compromise my personal morals to return to twitter? or do i stick it out and stay only here and on aethy? does it even fucking matter at this point?

i wish it was easier to move people to the fediverse. i really do. but if you've been on the 'net long enough, sites like twitter and tumblr and all their derivatives are some degree of intuitive. the fediverse isn't. you can sand down as many sharp edges as you like, but it's always going to look too complex for most people to even try. feditips can help, but only so much, and it's a lot of reading.

why trial and error a new thing when the old thing works fine? when all your friends are still there? i'd have jumped ship from discord ages ago, but all the competition kind of fucking sucks, and all my friends are still on discord, so genuinely, why bother?

i hate the modern internet. give me 2012 tumblr back. give me myspace back. let me use livejournal when livejournal was still good. sure, there's dreamwidth now, but no one's on it.

... it's loneliness, really. it always is. feeling left out, feeling unwanted; these are things my brain loves to force on me. no amount of rational thought can dispel them entirely. i try, but. it's hard.

i guess i'll think on it. my twitter still exists. i just feel like trying to go back would be making a mistake, or if nothing else, people whose opinions matter to me might be disappointed. maybe i'll get over this and not think about it again. i don't know.