#fuck my life fuck my brain FUCK THIS UNIVERSE FUCK THE PROFESSION WHY DID YOU MAKE ROTK SO PAINFUL

[meadowsofmay]

thanks to julia now i am thinking about thranduil seeing his son grieving his friends after the passing of gimli, the last mortal one, in undying lands. him sitting by his side on the shore, hugging his hunched shoulders, and legolas leaning onto him, hiding his tear-stained face in his chest as he mutters almost illegibly their names. one by one. starting with aragorn and finishing with the hobbits.

i grew accustomed to the thought that i would lose most of them in the battle, he says, clutching his father's bright green gentle robes, but why does it hurt so much more to lose them to the passing of time, father?

thranduil shuts his eyes tightly and kisses the crown of his son's golden hair, as he takes a deep breath to say the truth that he himself barely accepted,

the war is over, my love.

legolas stills in his embrace, only the rapid beating if his heart gives away his inner turmoil. thranduil is all the more aware of it as it is his guidance on how well of a job he does to console his son.

it might be hard to accept, but legolas, don't grieve those who left the world of living content and settled and loved. they won't want that of you. they would want you to remember, his hand softly finds its way on legolas' chest, and i know you will, you will keep them close for they were the most dear to you. so it's okay to cry, it's okay to hurt for goodbye is always the hardest part. but they deserved their peace after all the great deeds they dedicated themselves to. hold onto that because it is time for you to let yourself accept your well-deserved peace, too.

and he is left to only hope that legolas will listen. that he won't torture his gentle but all the more stoic heart with the memories of funerals. thranduil can only hope as his son fell into slumber in his hands to the sound of waves' lulling murmur.

[hotmessmaxpress]

What did Marc even expect to happen if he had met Vale at the race in front of the entire Yamaha team??? I get the desperation but... "Oh hello Valentino Rossi and crew, it's me Marc, you know that pornstar you've given thousands and thousands of euro to because you love jacking off to my hot body"

???? Marc????

Looking forward to the next installation!

One thing about marc in this au is that he has Main Character Syndrome!!! He really believes that everything is going to work out in the name of True Love™, and he doesn't really comprehend that like, life doesn't always work out that way. When alex was like 'do you really think he's going to see your face in the grandstand and stop his bike to profess his love for you,' or whatever, marc's brain was like 'actually yes that's going to happen!!!!'

He's sort of simplistic in his view of relationships in this au. In my head he's never really dated because he just assumes that people won't want to date someone who does OF, so his frame of reference for romance is like, movies and his parents. From his perspective it's not 'why the fuck would valentino rossi date a porn star' it's 'why WOULDN'T vale fall in love with me?? we're obviously soulmates and we are destined to have crazy nasty sex together forever'

It's also funny because (spoiler alert) everything IS going to work out in the name of True Love™ because I'm self-indulgent and I think they're soulmates in every universe!!!

[sidneypoindexter]

You know, you ever wonder where exactly the Smurfs actually come from? Papa Smurf just gets 100 kids outta nowhere??? Like, I know in universe a stork brings em but that implies that there are other smurf villages out there… AND THERE IS!! I mean, we see an all girl village in the 3rd movie! So like…. Did papa steal baby Smurfs from their own villages???? Maybe???

Or what about how Papa smurf named the rest of the Smurfs?? Baby smurf is still baby Smurf (implying that he doesn’t have a personality yet other than baby) and I get why he would name Brainy and Hefty that way (as it is their best attributes) but NOBODY SMURF? SCAREDY SMURF? LAZY SMURF?? Who the HECK names their kid that way??? That’s literally saying that your name is all that you are and all that you’ll ever be! I know Papa ain’t their real dad, but he is their guardian. Papa smurf really picking favorites out there…

Or what about how the Smurfs operate like a cult??? They all eat together, they don’t have proper names (I get that it could be their culture to name Smurfs after personalities… but Smurfwillow doesn’t DO that with the girl Smurfs, they are named after nature instead…), papa smurf is the ONLY one to wear red, the rest have to wear white (with few accessories and whatnot), not to mention that there is only ONE smurf to do each profession. Chef, Baker, Farmer…. They are feeding a hundred Smurfs every day BY THEMSELVES!! I get that they like doing their job and all but it’s incredibly inefficient to have one person do a big job!

Also, the Smurfs NEVER say anything bad about papa! Especially Brainy…. They follow Papas rules no matter what! He’s lived for 500+ years he definitely knows what he’s doing! They never question him and whoever does get some serious consequences. Idk about you but I feel some HEAVY cult leader vibes from papa.

Speaking of the poor Smurfs, THEY GOT SO MYCH TRAUMA WTH??? I’m watching the new Smurfs show with me lil’ sis and I might be overthinking it but here’s what I got:

Vanity: Poor lad has extreme body issues holy shit!! He has a constant need to feel perfect and view himself as perfect or else he ain’t! That why he constantly views himself in the mirror. There’s one episode in the new show where he turns into a lizard, poor lad was like 2 seconds away from a mental breakdown…. Geez those other Smurfs were mean to him….

Brainy: this guy has like the MOST trauma. I can’t even begin to describe how effed up he is. He constantly gets berated/ abuse by the other Smurfs (especially Hefty)! Even by Papa Smurf himself!! And he views Papa as a fucking SAINT! He’s so delusional and THATS LIKE NOT EVEN HALF OF EVERYTHING???

Lazy: IM PRETTY SURE HE HAS NARCOLEPSY??? He sleeps so much so often and he doesn’t get checked out?? Instead, the other Smurfs either laugh at him and don’t really do anything??

Grouchy: In the live action Christmas special (2011 I think) Papa LITERALLY gaslights Grouchy into becoming thankful that he has a hat!! Papa puts him through night terrors all because Grouchy didn’t want a stupid HAT for Christmas.

Welp, these are all my thoughts!!

Grouchy also has brain damage in the new show and in the comics!

Anyways if you think the new show is fucked up watch the 80s show. Featuring:

Papa literally beats up Lazy in one episode.

SO much fucked up stuff with Brainy holy shit. At one point Brainy questions Papa Smurf's decision, Papa throws him out of the village, and Brainy "corrects" himself to agree with Papa.

Papa drugs Dreamy and lies to him.

Lazy is suicidal in one episode. (Unrelated to Papa, but fucked up anyways)

Anyways. Fuck Papa Smurf, watch my AMVS.

Also watch this https://youtu.be/v-PacrragxA

[painterofhorizons]

A Year in Writing: 2022

Writing review for 2020 and 2021.

Since this year won’t magically change, I will wrap up the year in writing two weeks early and not pressure myself to get the number up in the few days off I have between the years.

Total wordcount as of Dec. 19th: roughly 91.500 words, compared to ~200k in the past years. Not even calculating an daily average here and not countings days I have not written because that was the majority. For the time I have tracked, it somewhat looked like this:

while March and May were only roughly estimated.

General review: Or the Good, Bad and Ugly. It wasn’t even writer’s block that hit me this year, but life. The year started okay-ish, but the first half was dominated by a crippling fear about one job ending and only getting the go for our next project’s funding literally only the week my last contract ended (I am so done with academic precariat. So done with that shit.). Then when I started a 7 month project in July to fill up time until our next big project starts, the same day the new job started my dad got in hospital with life threatening illness, so for the following months I was dealing with a new job in a completely different field on full time (from before that working only part time) while being in the hospital and running errands and worrying sick about my dad’s health the whole time (he’s better again now, thank the universe!). Add up the complete and utter madness the current job includes in terms of content (so. much. politics. so. much. absolute. frustration. i. hate. it. so. much. so. so. much.) and having to long distance commute again after 3 years of pandemic and home office, and serve with ADHD and general worldly madness, and my brain is in survival mode ever since. There’s just no brain capacity left for anything at the end of the day. So i basically gave up on writing, knowing my brain just can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being hard on myself, quite the contrary - I know why I can’t write or draw or whatever else I would want to do normally, and I know it will come back. I am giving myself permission to not even try to write. This ain’t writer’s block. This is just fucking life.

On the good end: I was surprised about the number of the yearly tracking being close to 100k nevertheless. And I did manage to treat myself to two or three saturday morning writing breakfasts in that fancy cafe closeby within the past few months nevertheless and did some writing by hand in a fancy notebook I bought AND started to use. So it’s not like NO writing happened. And with my current project being almost close to end (only until mid Feb and then I’m back on a 3 year project in my actual field of profession and on less hours again) I am very hopefull that my brain will be back soon(er or later).

On the very good end: My absolute highlight this year was meeting @comeoniwantacoolname​. It was this year, wasn’t it? Or was it last? When did you appear? Anyways, I am so so so grateful we met (thank you, Jeff Moreau fanfiction!), it has been a delight to meet you, to brainstorm fic with you and to read your wonderful writing. Thank you for migrating here and being a lighthouse of joy in this troubled year for me. I can’t wait to visit Venice with you and eat all the food.

Things posted: None on the edited end, but a few WIPs over here I think. Maybe. But that might also have been last year, because I have no sense of time anymore and no grip on the concept that is time. What is time. I don’t know.

Things I would like to do next year: Write. Literally. Anything. I want to be myself again, i want my hobbies back, I want my creativity back, I want my brain back, and while I know the legit reasons why this year sucked, I could cry just thinking about it. I want to be myself again, and I want to fucking write.

So in the end, this wasn’t my year writing wise, and it was fucking exhausting. But the circumstances will change again in a foreseable future and I am looking forward to get back to a more better normal again soon-ish.

With this year being rough-ish, I am especially grateful for each and every one of you here for making this place a safe space of escape and joy and creativity and for making me feel like I can still take part in this wonderful Mass Effect fandom even if I don’t create anything and have no spoons for reading your amazing stories rn (and with all you folks I met through different fandoms and have zero idea of what you’re into these days but very much still appreciate you being around <3). Thank you folks for being you and for making this place a safe haven in these troubled times.

May 2023 be gentle on all of us.

[matfinishfuckstheworld]

haven't done enough 'self care' today been just zoomin zoomin zoomin doing chores most of the day (and socialising which is Good but tiring). so. entire meme time.

s/i meme :D

give us a quick run down of your s/i!!

mat finish is basically just my Ideal Self. they are a sadomasochistic hedonist, they are shameless, they are an assassin. all of these are somehow intrinsic to my identity because i've always loved hitmen and to me violence and sex have always been the same thing.

post a meme that describes your s/i.

where does your s/i live? do they aspire to move or are they content with where they are?

mat tends to travel the world and occupy wherever they need to. sometimes they will settle and be a cool city assassin who is tied to a specific mob or similar.

but often they struggle with commitment, just like me, and the natural ebb and flow of attention on their activities leads them to drift around more. it's a necessity more than a choice.

often it's the f/o that makes them want to settle down anywhere.

what's a song that describes your s/i? even better if you have a playlist!

okay here is a random one from their playlist.

leather by tori amos is so good because it is so sexy and so tragic.

i think that sense of seeking sensation in a dizzying way but ultimately falling victim to wanting to be loved tender. it's the thing that is 'missing' for them (not for everyone! just for them).

thats their inherent contradiction.

what is your s/i's profession?

mat is an assassin, but as stated, it tends to be fairly random as to how and what subset. i put them everywhere because most of my fandoms are crime-themed or crime-adjacent, so it is easy to stick them just about anywhere.

what does your s/i have most in common with you? what's different about them?

we both want to fuck the same people lol. we are both desperate for affection.

as for differences... i do not murder people!!! but i am i would say a work in progress who is trying to learn to be less hurtful to the people in my life, and i feel a great amount of guilt for the way i have been in the past. perhaps thats why ive always had an affinity for villainous characters and why i take such a sick pleasure in punishing mat for their extreme and unambiguous crimes.

mat has a higher pain tolerance (and pain/arousal threshold) than i ever could. i'm the kind of person who it takes a few tries to get what i need done at the doctors and thats if i manage at all. i want tattoos someday but i am nervous about wasting my deposit if it's too much for me. so mat is wish fulfilment in that aspect. they are resilient in such a twisted way and i would much prefer that to what i am now. i am soooo drawn to violence and to the idea of having my mind and body made into a canvas for someone elses designs and abuse. but i can't actually do that. :(

as psychological masochists we are about equal, but there's only so much that mp3s can do to my addled brain whereas mat gets real horrible people who want to get inside their mind and do horrible and irreversible things to break them down.

if your s/i was an animal, what would they be?

tricky to say. i think they are dog-coded. this is counter to me as i think i'm pretty cat-coded lol. but call them a good boy and you can see the wagging tail in their eyes!!!

maybe they could be a wolf. (i think so too.) stereotyped as an independent and brutal predator, but actually dependent on the protection of those around them.

how did you get the idea for your s/i's backstory?

mat was originally a vbros oc because i wanted a venturesona who could fuck rusty and brock lol. and there are such sexually charged assassins in the vbros universe. so it was a natural fit for my interests. i decided that because herr trigger was just such a fun design and concept (he literally fucks his guns and i am SUCH a gunfucker.), he was an ideal mentor for them, but generally outside of vbros canon they have a similar figure - a dangerous mentor they are raised by and who is responsible for the death of their parents, someone who is unerringly confident, sexually perverted but without involving them ('daddy needs his alone time with his ak-47 ok why don't you go outside and play with the ice machine'), someone they are all mixed up about - they look up to them, they want to be with them, they want to be them.

mat was intended to be that kind of deconstructive, 'where are they now' look at a specific child hero subtype the way that rusty is that for johnny qu3st. specifically, they are the trained killer girl who is all grown up and had so much transmasc swag that they weren't a girl actually and has a MULTITUDE of intimacy problems that they try to pave over with sensation and sick thrills.

give us an example s/i outfit (or describe it).

mat's signature look is all black. turtleneck + bondage harness that serves no actual purpose except to signal their perversion. big coat that they look a little too small for only further emphasised by the skintight rest of their ensemble. boots! boots.

what are some of your s/i's major skills?

well you see. they are very good at killing people. also masochism-as-superpower allowing them to withstand torture. very silly. but sexy.

what is your s/i afraid of?

their few extreme sources of pleasure becoming dulled over time until the only thing left is to fucking die.

they envy their marks, a lot.

if you had to compare your s/i to an already existing fictional character, who would it be?

well, given their first name and backstory, obviously mat is strongly inspired by math1lda lando. i have... difficult feelings about the film she originates from. i watched it constantly as a child while daydreaming about escaping my own abusive situation some similar way. being swept off my feet by a killer with a heart of gold and granted the power to execute my own revenge against everyone who ever wronged me. and falling in love with my killer mentor too even though they will never love me back.

then i found out about the backstory of why besson wrote that film, and what happened to portman during/after filming, and also i mean i only ever watched the european cut, and it all left such a disgusting taste in my mouth. i felt lied to even though all of the subtext was right there, but i was a kid! i didn't know better! so i guess i was eager to reclaim the feelings i had for the movie as a kid and rewrite them in a way that didn't have a genuinely harmful context.

the roles portman has done as an adult contributed to mat too, at least unconsciously. bl4ck swan is queer psychosexual fodder and it doomed me. and i mean, lé0n is not her only intimate fucked up mentor-mentee movie. v 4 vendetta is too. regardless of how you feel about the changes from the comic, that movie was sooooo much for me as a kid. the mindgames, the transformation through torture, the violent subversion, trans energy of becoming v (even though it was actually the comic that followed through on that properly) it was so formative to everything i value today.

this is the first time i have actually addressed their original inspiration publicly. it's a can of worms i was hesitant to open. in the same sense that vbros played with the kid hero archetypes and made them all fucked up adults with weird proclivities, mat is an expression of just another kid archetype in media, grown up and fucked up. so, in the same sense that rusty is so much more than just grown-up johnny quest, i would ask that mat is not seen as literally mathilda, because... they're not, and i think if they were, that would only be perpetuating the harm of the movie.

mat takes some cues from mathilda, but she wasn't their only inspiration. mat is ultimately just... me. they are the me that looked upon dizzying adolescence (spending most of it as a 'teenage girl') and suddenly being seen as a sex object with decreasingly safe clothing and behaviour options and the victim blaming terror of sexual assault and pregnancy being drummed into me and having nothing but abusive relationships as a model for romance. as an adult, i tried to carve out my own sexuality and vulnerability in a way that wasn't so fucking uncomfortable. i wanted to accept objectification and assault but in a degendered form, in a form that could also be tough-guy masculinity as much as it could also be the penetrability we inexplicably (well, explicably but we would be here all night) read as feminine. mat is the culmination of all of that work and psychodrama and i am rather pleased with how they have turned out and transcended their initial inspiration.

has your s/i's story changed since you created them or has it stayed relatively the same?

the basic premise has stayed the same, but they have different versions for different universes. so, of course vbros has canon characters to take the roles of people in their backstory, and i've been building up their dc version, manikin, solely to selfship with hugo, and then there's their psychon4uts version in the grulovian mob, at odds with the titular organisation.

[divinefireangel]

They Just Don't Know You

Soft Yandere! Seo Moon-Jo x F! Reader

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. If this piece of fan fiction is offensive to any celebrity, fandom or culture please let me know so I can take it down. Also note that this is my version of a character or celeb, which will vary from person to person.

Author's Note: A 2nd longer fic for our lovely cannibalistic psychopath. I hate that I'm attracted to him. Someone please be my therapist. Or psychiatrist. Honestly doesn't matter. My brain is fucked anyway.

Copyright: Please note that this is my work and if you want to publish this on any other platform, take my permission before doing so. Taking an author's work and posting it somewhere else without any intimation is just disrespectful. I readily welcome suggestions and criticisms. That being said, Happy reading! 🤍

Warnings: 16+ and written for female reader, but all can read. (nothing specified with respect to appearance, etc of reader). Except that I've mentioned reader is short, cuz LDW is tall 🥰. There is a brief mention of sex, but no actual smut. Reader kinda highkey hates on her parents and younger sister. Read it to know. Age gap between reader and Moon-Jo. Slight obsessive thoughts. Manipulative words. I tried to put plot twist in the end, probably you won't notice it 💀. Please please tell me if I need to add more warnings. Do not read if you start to feel uncomfortable. I apologize in advance 🥺

❗❗PLEASE READ WARNINGS ❗❗

Pre-Requisite / Summary: Just a fic based on the song They Just Don't Know You by Little Mix. After watching Strangers from hell I related this song to him for some reason. Reader and Moon-Jo are in an established relationship. And reader's loved ones don't approve.

2.3k ish words My longest fic till date 🥳

" You know that he's too old for you. You can settle for younger, much younger guys for your age sweetheart. If you can't find anyone eligible enough, we will find one for you. And you don't even know if he has intentions of marrying you. What if all he wants is just a fling or some time pass relationship. Hmm? What are you going to do then? "

Sipping her tea silently, Y/N sat next to her dad on the porch swing, listening to all the criticisms he had about Moon-Jo. All his words did was boil her blood. But what could she do when they don't walk in her shoes? They don't know how safe and content she feels when he kisses her like she's the only girl for him in the entire universe. And no point in explaining that to her father anyway. She's tried. And failed. Multiple times.

"Are you done with your tea?" She asks her dad, in desperate attempt to try and get away from him and his words because she knows, and even he knows that it's going to end up in a fight if they continue to speak on the same topic.

Humming yes, he hands her his tea cup which she takes to the kitchen so she can help her mom with dinner. Placing them in the sink upon entering the kitchen, Y/N drags her palms down her face in frustration.

" I could hear what he said you know. Your dad. He's not wrong. Seo Moon-Jo seems like he'll break your heart in three. And we're only looking out for you Y/N. You don't have to go through heartbreak when you can very well avoid it." Her mom finished slowly.

" Why. Why is it so difficult for you to accept the fact that I'm actually in a happy relationship for once in my life. So what if he's much older than I am? He's a dentist. A doctor. A very good profession and he's known and well respected in his neighbourhood too. " Y/N said loud enough for her dad also to hear.

Huffing in annoyance she left the kitchen to go upstairs to her room. Or rather the room she shares with her sister. Of course the door is wide open. The younger rascal is always here for the drama.

Ever since Y/N came out to her family about her relationship with Moon-Jo, her sister has become the favourite child, for obvious reasons. And now eavesdropping with the door wide open? That's a new low. But what else can Y/N expect from such a low life who is literally thriving off her own sister's pain and suffering.

When entering the room, Y/N realizes how big a mistake it was to visit her family. And she did not need such snark from a younger, less experienced child.

"Are you that blinded by " Love " that you don't even see how weird his hair is? A man who isn't an idol or actor doesn't need such long hair. He's clearly a fuckboy. Or man whore. Whichever is right. " She said with disgust.

'She's just jealous. She's just a jealous bitch. They all are.' Y/N thinks to herself.

" At least one of us gets laid regularly. And just so you know, it's absolutely heavenly when he makes me cum over and over on his fingers and his dick-" Y/N said as her tone slowly got lower and darker and her emotion angrier.

Screaming and covering her ears, the younger girl ran downstairs to her mother, no doubt to tattle on her older sister. Rolling her eyes, Y/N started packing her things, all of them, in a bag she took down from the top shelf of the wardrobe.

It's really difficult to leave one's family, but it is clearly getting more and more tiresome to love them nowadays. If it's so wrong to date him, why does Y/N herself not see it? She's a logical and smart young lady. Does her family hate that man so much that they don't even want her to be happy? No matter who she's with. And is it so bad to date a man who's older? Richer? And cares more about her than all of her family members combined?

Wiping the fallen tear stains from her cheek, she just thinks to herself ' They just don't know him. They just don't know him like I do. '

Sending a text to her lover, saying that she misses him and that she's coming back home sooner than planned, Y/N carries her bag through the front door, her parents and sister ignoring her as she leaves and walks out that door one final time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once reaching their shared apartment, Y/N collapsed into her lover's arms the moment he opens the door, crying her eyes out. Seeing his lover in turmoil, shedding a tear or two of his own, Moon-Jo carries her to the living room couch to cradle her like a child who needs attention.

" They- They said -"

" Shh my darling. I know. " Moon-Jo said, shushing his girlfriend and giving her a shoulder to cry on. Once she's calmed a little, her sobs turning to sniffs, she lifts her head to meet his gaze.

Seeing her sad, tear stained eyes always upset him. More than anything in the world. Running his long slender fingers across her cheeks and jaw, he removes her hair from her ponytail with his free hand and rests it on her thigh.

" Tell me. Please tell me that you won't break my heart like them. That you won't try to tear my world apart like them. " Y/N looked desperately at him, wanting so badly to know that he's not just using her.

Those words, that slipped out her mouth, shocked Moon-Jo, to say the least. What did he do wrong? What did her family fill her head with?

Tilting his head to a little, he looks into her red eyes, trying to read her mind for a moment, all the while she just looked at him with the same desperate expression.

"Please tell me that you will be there when I need you the most. " Y/N whispered so softly, she herself barely heard it. But the end of the sentence, she started crying all over again.

Taking her head to his neck, he stroked her hair and her sides, trying to calm her down.

" Darling. I promise with my everything, that I will never leave you, I will never ever let you go. That I will do anything, anything necessary to prove my love to you. "

"No, oh dear no. That's not, you don't have- have to do anything at all to make me believe you love me. I'm sorry I asked such a stupid question. " She sobbed out.

Shushing her softly again, he rocks their bodies back and forth, till she's calmed and fallen asleep there, in his arms. Knowing that his arms are her only safe place for her from now on, he takes her delicate figure to the bedroom.

Placing her on her side of the bed, he lays down on his. Staring at her stunning face, he feather touches her face with his fingertips, memorizing every curve, every little detail on her, like a sculptor admiring his work and giving it the finishing touches.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

" So, I did a little digging on your sugar daddy. "

" Why?! And he's not my sugar daddy. " Y/N said in disbelief. No. Not her dear best friend too.

" I know you said not to and I'm sorry. But I am worried about you. He made you leave your family Y/N. " They stated with worry and sympathy.

" No. He didn't make me leave them. I left them by choice. They don't see him like I do. And clearly, they hate that I'm happy with him. " Y/N finished as they sat down at the lunch table.

" Y/N..... "

" What? Even you don't want me to be happy? " She questioned her friend in disbelief. Laughing sarcastically Y/N shook her head.

" I've heard rumours! Okay? He was in the orphanage that had that severe fire explosion. And most of the culprits from that incident are MIA. What if he's one of the people who caused it?! " They said in a whisper, worried that the neighbouring people can hear their conversation.

" Do you really think that? All of that is just a rumour. And he's told me about it. He's told me everything. Unlike my parents who so desperately tried to tie me down to an arranged marriage. "

" He's not good for you. I know you deserve better. Okay he may make happy and all but what if he leaves? What if he just uses you and drops you like you were nothing? We're just trying to make sure you don't get hurt Y/N. Physically and emotionally. " They finished.

" This, all what you said, is cheap talk. But it'll eventually wear down because when we get married and have kids and all that in the future, you're all going to look like fools. And I will proudly say ' I told you so '. "

" If that's the case then I am the happiest person for you. Hopefully I won't have to be the one to say ' I told you so'. "

" Wow. I, just- hah. Wow. Just wow. " She paused.

" You know, I really hoped you would be more supportive or at least tolerant enough to have patience and support me with my decision for my love. " Y/N said loud enough for eavesdroppers to hear audibly.

Of all the people she would have to drop, never even in her nightmares had she fathomed that her best friend would be one.

Getting up from the table, she picks up her bag and leaves without another word, and goes to the only place that has love for her and that accepts her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Reaching home, Y/N notices the place empty. Maybe he's at the clinic?

Shrugging off her bag and jacket she sits on the couch for a moment, before her restlessness takes over and she begins pacing in the living room.

Why are people being like this? Do they hate her so much? They barely know him. Why are they treating and accusing him to be such a criminal! He's not. He takes care of Y/N so much. He loves her so much. He provides for her. He's affectionate with her, more than he's told he thought capable. He's become her ride or die. And she, his.

They don't know him like I do. They will never love me like he does.

They don't know about the love they have. The just see what they want to see. Bloody society dictating whom to love and whom to not. Is it so hard to see the love they have for each other? Can't they just let it be. They don't know the turmoil she's gone through recently; they don't know how well he's taken care of her, kept her happy and same enough to not let her intrusive thoughts get the best of her.

Her thoughts interrupted by the door clicking open. Smiling, Moon-Jo enters with a box, surely containing sweets from her favourite bakery. How can you not love someone so considerate, who does things for you without even having to ask.

Seeing the sad look upon his lover's face, Moon-Jo's smile fades into a frown.

" What's wrong my dear? "

Smiling sadly Y/N just shakes her head, conveying that she doesn't want to talk about it.

Placing the box of sweets on the coffee table, the two hug each other, feeling of comfort taking over them both. She can just stay here, forever, in his arms till the world ends.

" Babe. What's wrong? You can tell me anything. Anything at all. I'll take care of the problem. " Delicately Moon-Jo cradles Y/N's head in his palms, making her face up to him, their height difference evident.

Sighing, she moves to sit on the couch, motioning him to do the same. " It's just people. And what they say. My family was one thing, but my best friend, the person I chose as my family " Pausing Y/N breathers the tears back in, " They were doubtful of you today. How can I live knowing that no one will approve of us? " Y/N questioned looking at him.

" Does their opinion really matter that much? So much so that you are skeptical of my affection to you? " Coldly, he moved back from his seat on the couch.

" No! No. Gosh that is not what I mean. Not at all. I love you and I know that you love me. So much. So much so I would die for you. But there are other people whom I care about. Who's opinions matter to me. And I don't want to let them go. As happy as I am with you, I need them too. They give me joy in a different way, that is important. "

" Do I not make you happy? Are you not content with the love I give you? Is it not enough? " He asks carefully.

" That's not what I meant! You love me more than anyone I've known. "

"Then what's the problem? You don't need those people who don't love you. You have me. You will have me forever and ever. I will never leave you. And you will never leave me either. We'll be with each other till the end of the world darling. "

Nodding with a small smile you looked down at your feet.

Unhappy with your action, Moon-Jo pulls your face up by your chin to look at him with such force, it scared you a little, making your heart skip a beat in fear.

" Do you not love me, babe? " He asked tilting his head to a side, his expression mildly offended.

" I do! I love you. So much. " You finished with a soft tone, cupping his face with your hands.

Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, Moon-Jo leaned down to capture your lips with his. Reacting immediately, you kissed him with as much energy and sincerity you could muster, as you head filled with thoughts of doubt.

Had your parents been right? Had for friend been right? Had they all been right all along and you too blind to see?

No. It can't be. He loves you. He's said that so many times. And you love him.

You love him.

You.

Love.

Him.

...

Do you love him, or have you been illusioned into loving him?

[babiesdreams]

Helloooo can i ask a ceo!lucas smut like you are his secretary and he always tries to get in your pants but you keep on avoiding him because he is a known playboy but he gets frustrated in the end by your rejections that's why he decided to profess to you and seduce you through wine in his condo. Also i was the one who requested a smut with jae and lucas in a poly relationship, can i be a regular anon? 🥺

I don't know if this is how it goes but can i be 💛 anon? Hehe

Of course you can be a regular anon babe, I love your request.

Lucas day post 1

Yes, boss +18 Wong Yuk-hei

Warnings: Deep description of sex (?, unprotected, agressive Lucas (Kinda)

Being a secretary has never been easy, but your boss didn’t even try to make it better. He was always forgetting about stuff, not completely doing his job or discussing with his father, the previous CEO. Nothing that he did helped the company nor you. 

And the worst part were his dating scandals. You promised his father that you would take care of him and try your best to teach him how to be a good CEO, but it was just so hard to keep ignoring his attempts to fuck you. He really tried hard for that.

“Today’s schedule is a little busy” You say looking at him and he raises a brow. “Come here and tell me” His hands tap his lap, wanting you to sit on it. You roll your eyes back and try your best not to lose it. “That’s not professional sir” You simply tell him, but he covers his ears in protest, not hearing a single thing of your words.

You throw him the Ipad on your hands and simply said “Read it yourself then” But his hand traps your wrist when you try to get out. His strong arm pulls you into the sofa he was in and skillfully he gets on top of you, trapping your body with his.

“You gotta stop pretending that you don’t want me, because it’s getting on my nerves lately” He whispers on your ear annd you push him off you. “You gotta start acting like a boss and not like a horny teenager” You simply say before leaving. 

-------------------------------------------

It was always like that, there was no day he didn’t try to get you, and therefore there was no day you didn’t reject him. So he started getting frustrated by your attitude.

It was 3:15 AM when he called you. You normally weren’t awake at those hours, but for some reason you couldn’t sleep that night. His voice really sounded desperate, sad, on the edge. That’s why you decided to go to his apartment, to figure out what the hell happened.

When you saw him, with a wine glass and a gun next to him, something gets into you, you never felt anything for your boss, but seeing him like that, made you think on things you would’ve never thought about otherwise. It’s that kind of feeling of appreciating something when you lose it, but having a chance to keep it. 

You walk closer to him and sit down on the couch he was on. You look at the gun, it looks so real, it had to be real for sure. “What happened?” Your voice sounds worried and scared at the same time. He looks at you with a dead serious glare. 

“You know, we always talk about business, but not about the real life. You don’t know how fucked my father is, or how he treats me, so you have no rights on telling me how to act” You gulp at his words and look at the gun. He laughs looking at your expression. “Don’t worry, it’s fake” He says grabbing the gusn and showing you how it had no bullets. “I wanted to see you, because I needed to look at something beautiful for a minute” He says getting your hair out of your face. 

“Are you drunk?” You ask him, rolling your eyes back. “Do I need to be?” He whispers on your ear before placing a kiss on your neck. Your eyes close for a split second, allowing your mind to travel away from your body, to forget about your responsabilities, about everything else in the planet apart from him. 

And that moment feels somehow like the feeling you’ve been crawling for since you can remember. His stupid yet perfect figure, made you feel like you were floating into some kind of universe where everything was calmed, where nothing wrong was happening, and the only sensation existing were his wet lips pressed on your neck.

“S-stop” You finally manage to say, coming back from the enchantment he had put you into. He stops, getting far from you as he stands up in front of you. He holds a wine glass, a full wine glass on his hand and drinks calmly from it. His hand throws the expensive looking glass to the white wall, leaving a red mess printed on it.

Your whole body shakes at the loud noise. “Calm down” You say looking to the floor. Almost as if you were saying it to yourself really. “Get here” He says pointing next to him, but you shake your head. “You have to control your anger” You say calmly but a smirk appears on his face. “I’m not angry” He says extending is arms before walking slowly towards you.

He kneels down in front of your sitting figure and he licks your thigh slowly whispering “Just horny” Your eyes look directly into his, feeling the lust inside of them, a lust that you had never seen in your life, not even inside the playboy’s eyes.

“You don’t know what stop means?” You say, completely unable to control a smile to form on your lips. “I can read you babygirl. I can read through your words” His fingertips caress the wet payhs his tongue left along your thighs, making you feel goosebumps with it.

You want to tell him he’s wrong, but you aren’t even sure if he is. And your thoughts completely get lost in the feeling of his fingers drawing patterns over your sensitive skin. 

“You really like playing hard to get, but I could feel how you felt during that kiss” He says, getting closer to your face. His lips repeat the said kiss, making your brain go through a beautiful dejavu. His hand holds your cheek firmly as he does. And before you can even notice, his lips are already pressed on yours.

There’s something about him, about the slowliness of his touch that makes you feel like a masterpiece on a musseum, getting finished by the artist. You feel his tender touch and don’t even recognize the boy you thought you knew. The roughness that he always wanted to give, it was pretty much non-existent. There was just pure love and care in his touch.

Even when his fingers got into you, curled inside you, pressed every spot you ever knew and more, and even when he got faster, there was nothing but love in his touch. But when his length got into you, something changed.

His thrusts were giving you the sensation of unrealness that filled the boy’s mind. You were feeling exactly every insecurity he had through the roughness of his dick stretching your walls like nobody ever did before. There was something comforting about it tho. The way he was exposed in front of you, just like you were to him. The connection that formed into the heavy air along with the moany sounds and the heavy breaths.

It was in his every move, and his every word. Although they might have sounded differently to someone else’s ears, for you, his words were so filled with that sensation, that feeling that you were thirsty of. That feeling that only sex could give yet not everyone could achieve it. 

And the way his hot cum brushed your walls, giving warmth to your shaking figure. His hands caressing your face, as both of your mouths were fully open, letting out lovely and loud sounds.

----------------------------------------------

I got to deep on this one... I mean... It’s another way to feel sex.

Masterlist –requests open– How to request?  Check out your score.

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 14

Ya'll, when I say, that the writer's block for this story practically parked it's 18 wheeler sized ass in front of me, like a boulder on a mountain road AND THERE WAS NO WAY AROUND IT, to the point that I didn't know if I ever would get to write it again and I had to take a break for...way too fucking long. Also- for the record, all of this still happens in my head in 2018, you know, when I started writing this story, because BY GOD, all these characters should have had their weddings and a small piece of happily ever after BEFORE COVID comes to fuck everyone over. But Hazel's dress, that's still 2022 Pnina Tornay, it's a fantasy story, I'm fudging the timeline, a little. Also Hazel's engagement ring? Chocolate diamond. She's a foodie. It made sense.

Also, Yes, I do realize that I am face casting Alex Pettyfer twice. The first was as modern Ravus Nox Flueret, and then...as Dash Parr in my modern Incredibles AU Why So Jaded. Look, I just adore the guy ok? He's...incredibly good looking and talented, and HOT. They don't happen in the same alternate universe, it's fine, it's fine.

Anyway, so back to the road block, sorry, detour, anyway, so then, tragedy struck in my personal life, ok several tragedies kind of piled up all at once it felt like and shook me to my core, and suddenly those earthquakes, knocked that boulder off the road and opened up the creative roadway to this story again, then I wrote something truly horrific for this particular story. AND IT'S AWESOME, like it's brutal, will reach inside and grab your heart, put it into a blender before handing it back to you as you cry and say thank you, kind of awesome, so angsty.

But, I couldn't just...post it and not keep wrapping up other character's story lines because this was still "everyone needs to find their happily ever after" foundations laid. So. What that did, was give me a "if you want this- angsty thing to happen, how do you get the story from here to there, now that you don't have this fucking boulder in the way." and my brain finally went "I got it! TREDD IS AN ASSHOLE" and boom, problem solved. See I had- most of the components to this particular chapter, already written and mentally mapped out and planned out but the "go juice" to write it was empty.

But Tredd, lovable, asshole Tredd, gave me what I needed. I don't even know if I should tag who I used to tag...however long ago I used to post chapters to this story or if they have all changed their usernames and stuff or if any of them are still interested. But you know what? I'm gonna post it anyway. So enjoy.

Also, @the-immortal-marshal, thanks for sticking with me and hanging in there, THE PAIN IS COMMING NEXT CHAP. ENJOY the last moment of "peace and happiness where everything is perfect and nothing hurts" while it lasts.

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND

Chapter 14

“Hello Behbehs!” Selena cooed when she came home from school to her dogs and Duchess who eagerly greeted her before she got all the packages from the little stylish boxes she built out of pallets to create a little place for packages to be stored on her front porch before she and Ravus could get home and get them in their apartment.

“Ah thank goodness.” Selena breathed in relief when a couple of them were those pre prepared meal kits. Because with both her and Ravus being in school and both of them working too, they rarely had a chance to go grocery shopping anymore and the meal kits were a healthy alternative to fast food and surprisingly less expensive than take out and right now they were still in their “try everything once to find our favorites” stage. But Selena barely had them all unpacked and put away by the time her phone chimed.

‘Hope you had a good day today Darling’ Ravus texted when his phone chimed that she had made it home.

‘It’s been fine, busy, how about yours?’ Selena texted back.

‘Not great, I’ll be happy to call it a day soon.’ Ravus texted back as Selena frowned at her phone before she got an idea and raced up the stairs to get dressed in more business formal attire that was clearly flirtatious that covered up some ridiculously sexy lingerie and some really good ‘fuck me’ heels and put on some makeup and put her hair up in a quick bun then quickly left their apartment to go to Miracles Hospital where she parked next to Ravus’ car and purposefully strutted into the offices, using the badge keycard Sylva had made for her to get in before she made a B-Line for Ravus’ temperoary office while his was under construction before she checked in with Kathryn to make sure he was alone in his office before she opened his office door and struck a pose in his door frame with a smoldering look and a mischevious smirk on her lips that had Ravus’ jaw dropping to the floor at the vision she was.

“Hey. What are you doing here? Is there a problem with…?” Ravus began to ask as she closed the door, locked it then sauntered up to him and straddled his lap before she kissed him passionately as he eagerly held her and pulled her to himself as he kissed her back with equal passion that had Ravus thanking God that he put such an amazing, wonderful and sexy as hell woman in his life that could give him the one thing he wanted that he knew money could never buy- her love, priceless and perfect as it was. And with her love came devotion, loyalty, honesty, faithfulness and right now- desire and it was his life’s goal to make himself as desirable to her as he could possibly be because being the object of her affection was all he could ever want and he wanted her to feel as lucky that she had him for a partner- that he felt about her.

“How’s your day now?” Selena purred when they broke for air.

“Ah-amazing, I can’t, can’t complain.” Ravus answered truthfully, his mind desperate in it’s grasping for coherent thought as he was completely blown away and delighted by her little surprise visit as his hands traveled down her body, appreciating every nuance and curve she had.

“Good, now do you want to fuck me here or in the sleep studies wing, in the car or at home?” Selena asked and watched as he swallowed thickly as his own eyes grew a dark stormy gray with lust.

“Is there an ‘all of them’ option?” Ravus returned which made Selena smile brighter as he quickly hiked up her skirt the rest of the way to reveal that she had not been wearing underwear but was wearing thigh highs attached to a matching green silk garter belt ,which were his favorite kind of stockings as his cock tried to break through his pants trying to get into her as he gasped and ‘oohed’ in surprise and delight as she made quick work of his pants and underwear before she managed to seat herself onto him as he let his chair lean back and rest on a filing cabinet so they wouldn’t crash backwards and also so that Selena could ride him as hard as she wanted to without hurting anything as she opened up his silk dress shirt so that his chest and neck were bared to her before he yanked down her shirt and undid her bra so that her breasts, which had been pushed up to show her amazing cleavage before- were now bared to him in turn as he suckled as his hands went to her hips to guide her over him and when his other hand reached down to stroke her clit with practiced ease as he whispered some absolutely filthy things to her in French which he had discovered could get Selena all riled up and to hear and see and feel that was like a drug to him.

Selena could feel her orgasm approaching as her body and mind were in absolute bliss and to hear Ravus whisper, moan and growl in her ear in between kissing and licking and playfully biting every inch of skin he could reach as he drove up into her as hard as he could and rub her clit just right. Not too hard, not too fast, but as if he was delicately conjuring her soul through her pussy was the greatest pleasure she had ever known and she didn’t care what he was saying to her in French, but the way he said it, the way it rolled off of his very gifted tongue and the way he could enrapture her mind, body and soul so easily, as easy as he breathed and leave her so desperate for him, desperate for more. Just one more touch, one more kiss, one more thrust, one more profession of love, of promise, of adoration, everything. How she was his everything and how he was going to love her and cherish her for as long as he lived and she had the utmost faith in every word. And she knew that she was going to love him for the rest of hers. She didn’t care if he lost his fortune or the hospital or anything. She would keep him and he would keep her. And that would be all that mattered.

In rapid succession Selena came, her shuddering cry of bliss was the most perfect sound in Ravus’ ears as he smiled victoriously that he was able to give her the greatest pleasure possible before Ravus’ own face scrunched up as he came himself, a grunting, hissing moan. His cock throbbing but since his injections, there were no loads, other than an extra load of precum before they both collapsed in the chair as they held each other as Selena let her head rest on his shoulder as they recovered.

Selena traced random designs on his skin around his chest hair that was starting to fill in nicely along with more muscle mass that had started to build just in the last few months since he graduated highschool and gotten back from the most epic summer vacation. It was as if he was a late bloomer. All the bulky muscle he had always wanted was finally filling in the way he wanted it to and he was having to buy new suits and shirts because his old ones no longer fit him the way he wanted them to, but thankfully that glorious cock of his stayed the same, much to Selena’s utter and complete delight.

The only thing that hadn’t grown was thankfully his feet so that meant the man didn’t need to buy new shoes. Which was his own guilty pleasure and obsession, especially dress shoes. While they had gone cross country all summer, he and Luche would hit up all the thrift stores and speciality shops looking for old shoes to restore and when they had been in L.A. They had hit the mother load. All these places that had all the shoes from the old stars of hollywood, whether they became famous or infamous or never even made it on the map. But their very expensive and very good quality shoes were left behind. One shop in particular was run by a couple of older gentlemen that were so happy to see some younger guys were into this kind of thing that they gave them the deals of a lifetime and even Tredd and of course Ignis came along and between Ravus and Ignis, Luche and Tredd got quite the crash course education on shoes, in particular old dress shoes as the four of them practically bought the store out and had to ship out most of them back home because they wouldn't fit with their former travel plans. Ravus and Ignis were the way about shoes the same way some women were about fashion and purses.

Of course that wasn't the only "obsession" Ravus and Ignis had shared with Luche and Tredd, Ravus' mother and of course his grandparents were avid fountain pen collectors and when Sylva's parents had passed, they went over her parent's very, very extensive fountain pen collection that was in the thousands of pens large, Ravus insisted that about two dozen of them go directly to Selena so she could "impress" her more "financially affluent" clients she was starting to get as Sylva happily let those precious few go to Selena, then the rest were picked through by Sylva, Lunafreya who was also an avid fountain pen enthusiast as well as Ravus and Ignis who then coached Luche and Tredd of all people who showed an interest in what he called "rich people shit", just like jewels, yahts, jets, shoes and the like, which amused Sylva who humored him enough to go through what made a good fountain pen and what made different pens valuable and what the more "famous" or well known "name brands" were and what inks were best for which pens and corralating inks to the pens themselves as Luna did the same thing with Selena so that Ravus could coach Luche through the same thing too as the rest were divided evenly and "put away" so that they could become an "inheritance" for the next generation.

Meanwhile Ravus wasn’t the only one who had gone through some changes over the course of the summer and now fall, Selena too seemed to fill in quite nicely, she had gained some weight over the summer, her hips had filled out and her derriere had plumped out and her breasts had grown, filled in and rounded out and while she had gone up a few dress sizes, Ravus couldn’t be happier about the developments. Like she had transformed from lithe teen to full blown woman and he was all too happy to replace every piece of clothing in her wardrobe so that she was comfortable and could embrace her current body.

And with Selena landing what in her opinion was the dream job at Fosters as a junior designer and was currently designing all her friend’s houses as Oak Creek Estates under the supervision of a woman named Samantha Leeds, who had taken Selena under her wing and was showing her the ropes and helping get all the classes at the local college. Selena had had the hardest time understanding CAD but when she finally figured it out. She quickly excelled.

“So what’s going on?” Selena asked after they seemed to recover but were in no need to change their positions or state of partial undress.

“Something stupid in office politics.” Ravus huffed.

“Ok…” Selena urged.

“Some of the board members are getting greedy, in particular Mr. Greed, they look at how much Project Recovery is making them and they’re seeing dollar signs at the other pharma we produce.” Ravus revealed.

“But I thought your mom had a pretty good stance that when it came to life saving drugs like insulin and other medications like it- that you put a cap on all those so they’re affordable to everyone.” Selena frowned.

“She did, but the other board members see Luche and I coming onto the board and think they can get to us and pit us against mother or pit us against each other- thinking their greed is going to be contagious or something or that we’re too young to know what we’re talking about and too inexperienced to have valid opinions.” Ravus grumped before he kissed her forehead sweetly, grateful he could bare his heart and soul like this to her so freely.

“Well that’s not going to work right?” Selena said as she raised her head to fix him with a look.

"No, it's just frustrating to deal with until they retire, although I can’t imagine dealing with Roman or Ainsley is going to get any better, all I hear is ‘chip off the old block’ when Rob talks about them." Ravus shook his head.

"Is there any way we can get Mr. Greed to retire early? Get some peace before Roman and Ainsley come on board or is it not just Mr. Greed that’s giving you all the headaches?" Selena hoped.

"I wish it was just him. But it’s not. It just...comes with the territory. Besides if there was a way to make Mr. Greed and the others to retire early, I'm pretty sure my mother would have done it already. They've been thorns in her sides most of her life and they’re proving to be thorns in ours as well." Ravus mused as Selena frowned deeper.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not your problem to fix, but thank you for listening.” Ravus thanked her gratefully as he held her comfortably in his arms. “And thank you for this, this was the best surprise.” He smiled appreciatively as he nuzzled her face with his.

“You’re welcome.” Selena smiled happily.

“Hey you wanna go out to dinner?” Ravus asked hopefully. “We could see if Lu and Ada wanted to join us?” He asked.

“Sure,” Selena nodded as she and Ravus worked on getting straightened up as Selena pulled her dress down a bit more so it was a bit more modest and pinned the top up to a much more modest height and by the time they got squared away and unlocked the door they saw Ada coming out of Luche’s office dressed similarly to Selena and Luche himself had the same love drunk smile Ravus was wearing.

“Hey,” Selena greeted as both Selena and Ada blushed before they looked pointedly at each other’s shoes then back up to each other before they both tried to stifle their giggles because they both knew exactly why the other was wearing those heels as they beamed knowingly at each other.

“Dinner?” Ravus asked as he self consciously smoothed his hair as Luche did the same as Luche gave Ada a questioning look and smiled when she eagerly nodded her head.

“Oh yeah.” Luche agreed before they all hopped into Ravus’ new Land Rover and drove to the restaurant that piqued their interest and hunger.

“So how’s the wedding planning going?” Ravus asked Luche while they looked at the menus.

“Good, still deciding on invitations, although we've narrowed it down to three different choices.” Luche answered.

“We did agree to use the same venue Sylva used when she got married.” Ada revealed.

“Yeah, that’s the same venue we decided on too.” Selena smiled happily.

“Do you have any ideas what dress you’d want?” Selena asked.

“Actually yeah.” Ada nodded as she scooted closer to Selena in the booth to show her the dresses she had found on Pintrist.

“Oooh, I like that one.” Selena agreed.

“It’s just going to be a challenge to find one that doesn’t drown me out. Because I’m so short and petite, but I don’t want to walk down the aisle in like 7 inch heels just to not trip over the dress.” Ada confessed as Ravus nearly lost it Luche’s grin as he had that ‘I wouldn’t mind’ kind of expression.

“Are you excited to go back to Kleinfelds?” Selena asked.

“Very much so, I’m already packed.” Ada confessed.

That weekend, the whole crew went back to Klinefelds for Ada to do her dress shopping. As Sylva made sure that Ada’s parents and Luche’s parents were in the middle couch while the boys made sure to keep Luche preoccupied while all the girls happily rallied around Ada as they all had their own ideas of what Ada should wear while Morgan got Sylva’s picks and other dresses into the room.

“Ok, this is Crowe’s pick.” Morgan said as she brought Ada out in the first dress.

“Aww,” they all awwed.

“You’re drowning in it though Love.” Ada’s mother noted as others kind of grimaced and nodded in agreement.

“So what do you love about this dress?”

“I love the bling, I love the tiered layers, it’s just a little too poofy.” Ada offered Morgan.

“Ok, so let’s try again, we’ll be right back.” Morgan offered the crew.

“Ok, so this is a mermaid, fit and flare,” Morgan announced as she brought Ada back out.

“It looks amazing, I just can’t really move because it’s so restrictive.” Ada realized as the rest of her family put in their 2 cents about it before she was back and tried even more, trying on her mom’s picks, Linda’s picks then finally getting to Sylva’s picks but Sylva made sure that Morgan didn’t tell Ada that they were her pick’s and instead urged Morgan to introduce them as her picks before sneaking one into Morgan’s hands that was brand new that had not been there when they had been there last.

Ada softly gasped when she saw it, it was perfect, it had the tiered layers but it also had lace and glitter and just a little bit of everything. It was perfect and when she put it on, she couldn’t help but cry. It was a soft, blushed ivory. It complemented her red hair and her skin tone gorgeously. She felt like a proper bride in this and she could see in her mind- so clearly- how Luche would probably cry tears of happiness if he saw her in this. This was it, this was the one.

“There’s that smile.” Morgan grinned victoriously as she looked at Ada in the mirror after she cinched the corset back closed and got it looking like Ada was born into this dress.

“This is it, even if all of them hate it, this is it.” Ada insisted.

“Well then let’s show them.” Morgan insisted.

Everyone could tell that Ada’s smile practically came from her toes, she was practically glowing with happiness as Sylva got choked up which caused Linda and Ada’s mom Amelia to start crying as all the girls started gasping and cooing before Morgan happily snagged an appropriate veil and put it on her and that’s when they were all practically sobbing.

“It’s perfect Love, absolutely perfect. It has those tiers that you love and the lace is so romantic.” Amelia cried as she squeezed her husband- Richard’s hand who was also getting choked up as they passed a box of tissues down the line.

“You look stunning Ada, really, just perfectly beautiful.” Linda praised as she had already made her peace with Ada being a daughter in law.

“And it still has enough sparkle and glitter to it, that even in low light, you’ll glitter like the jewel you are.” Sylva added.

“So, are you saying yes to the dress?” Morgan asked.

“Yes, I’m saying yes to this dress.” Ada confirmed happily before Amelia got up off the couch and hugged her daughter tightly before her dad hugged her tightly too along with her brother who had also been flown in for the event with his fiance.

A week later, Hazel and Sylva returned to Klinefelds as Sylva had flown out Hazel’s sister Mei and her mother Huan and her dad Tommy along with Titus' mother Helen and Titus’ sister Jenny in for the appointment. Helen and the rest of her family had been all too happy to welcome Hazel into the fold. Once Titus was thirty and then almost 40, Helen gave up on the idea that Titus would ever get married and settle down, especially when the rest of her children were giving her grandchildren at this point but it seemed she was too hasty when Titus finally met Hazel and seemed to get with the program and settle down “properly”.

Meanwhile Huan and Tommy were also over the moon that Hazel was finally settling down and even though Billy wasn’t wild about the age difference at first, the more he and Titus got to know each other, the better they got along, Tommy was happy that Titus made Hazel happy in addition to Titus’ character and stability and profession and Huan was so happy to learn that Titus was a good man, who had a house and was planning on building another with Hazel and when Titus and Hazel adopted Brutus who was Kona, Kahlua and Sasha’s sibling, while Tredd and Stella adopted Brutus’ brother King. To Huan- a grand-dog was close enough to a grandchild, for now. While she was always proud of Hazel for earning her own way though the world and earning enough to take care of them in their retirement, she had been on Hazel since she was in her twenties to have someone take care of her. And it seems Titus had finally come along and to do just that.

“So what are you looking for?” Meredith asked Hazel after everyone had been introduced.

“I’m looking for a very simple, not too many embellishments, comfortable, light weight wedding dress. Titus and I are getting married at the beach next May, right after school lets out, because he is highschool football coach. It’s going to be a very small, intimate wedding with just family and really close friends.” Hazel answered.

“Aww, that’s awesome, is there a price point we’re comfortable with?”

“Ten thousand.” Hazel answered.

“Ooh, more than enough to work with, well let’s go.” Meredith urged as she brought Hazel back into a dressing room to get changed before she went hunting for the perfect dress.

“Simple, light, comfortable.” Meredith echoed over and over again as she combed through the back room, her almost encyclopedic knowledge of the backroom to her aid as she went through all the dresses before she found several that would fit those criteria.

Charlotte came into the bridal shop, a giddy grin on her face as she came and “snuck up” on her family as Sylva turned her head and smiled at the newcomer.

“Surprise!” Charlotte announced to her family.

“Charlie?!” Tommy smiled happily as he got up and gathered up his daughter into his large arms. She may have been a wanted criminal and fugitive, but he was always happy to see her and to him, she would always be his "little Charlie".

“I thought you were overseas?” Tommy asked.

“And miss this? Nah, it’s Hazel’s first big day before the big big day, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” Charlotte happily murmured into her dad’s chest before Tommy put his arm around his daughter’s shoulders and introduced her to Titus’ family who were completely oblivious as to Charlotte’s true identity as Charlotte sat next to Sylva.

“It’s nice to see you again. Different kind of exciting this time,” Sylva offered with a mischievous grin that Charlotte mirrored.

“I take it you didn’t get any kind of trouble from the last time we were in each other’s company.” Charlotte offered.

“Nope, not a peep, thank you.” Sylva reassured her.

“You’re welcome, this was wonderful, thanks for letting me know, when you get to know their wedding arrangements, forward them to this number, I doubt the groom would be comfortable with Gil and I coming but I want to send them a proper wedding gift that won't be on any kind of gift registry, at least domestically.” Charlotte nodded as she handed Sylva a slip of paper written in Mandarin as Sylva read it quickly, nodded and put it into her billfold just as Hazel came out in her first dress and stopped when she saw Charlotte.

“Charlie?” Hazel gasped in excitement as she saw her sister.

“Hey you, don’t you look beautiful.” Charlie greeted as she set her large, heavy purse on the seat and came over and embraced her sister.

“I didn’t think I would see you again.” Hazel admitted as she hugged her sister tight.

“Sylva invited me, hope you don’t mind.” Charlotte explained.

“Nope, not at all.” Hazel readily assured her sister.

“Is Gil here too?” Hazel asked.

“He’s doing business, as usual, plus I don’t think Dad would be cool and I know your fiance wouldn't be cool if Gil and I showed up to the wedding itself, so this is the best I can do and this is exposed enough without making things difficult or uncomfortable or "unsafe".” Charlotte excused.

“I get it, I'm still really happy to see you and that you're here. It means a lot, especially to Mom and Dad, and of course me as well.” Hazel nodded as Charlotte nodded in unison.

“So is this your dress?” Charlotte asked, changing the subject.

“This is just the first one, you came just in time.” Hazel answered.

“Well then let’s get to it.” Charlotte insisted as she returned to her seat.

“So this is dress number one. What do we think?” Meredith asked.

“It’s nice, I’m not in love with it, but it’s nice.” Hazel answered honestly.

“It makes you look like you’re wearing a tent.” Huan criticized as Helen and Jenny nearly choked on their spit and looked at Huan in alarm as Charlotte akept her snickering quiet enough to pass it off as a cough as Mei just rolled her eyes and complained to her mom in Mandarin that she was being too harsh.

“You don’t look like you’re wearing a tent, but the cut isn’t quite right. You need a more flattering shape to the fabric.” Charlotte offered.

“Agreed.” Sylva nodded.

“Well, that’s what first dresses are all about, finding what elements can work and what elements won’t.” Meredith explained before they tried on a few different picks as Charlotte looked around as did Sylva at the other dresses on display at the other dresses in the store.

“That one,” Charlotte and Sylva said at the same time once they both locked eyes on it and pointed to it.

“Well go get it then, bring it to her, it will mean more to her if you do.” Sylva encouraged before Charlotte got up and strutted across the floor to get the dress in question before she asked to see which room her sister was in before she came to the appropriate dressing room, a security guard shadowing her.

“Try this one.” Charlotte suggested as she handed the dress over to her sister as Hazel gasped softly when she saw it before Charlotte saw her way out and went back to the group and waived the security guard back a little farther so his presence was not felt by everyone else.

“And?” Sylva prodded.

“She had the gasp and the smile.” Charlotte answered as she checked her phone.

“Please let this be the one, I’m running out of time.” Charlotte whispered as she looked at the time on her phone and read the messages her henchmen were sending her as they stood guard a short distance away as her driver himself was scanning the police channels as Gil’s other men were monitoring the area.

Hazel came out a short time later, wearing a smile that shamed the sun, moon and stars as everyone else gasped and oohed and awed.

“Now that’s the dress, you look exquisite Hazel.” Huan finally complimented as Charlotte and Sylva gave each other a meaningful smile as Hazel nearly burst into tears as Jenny and Helen were already crying too.

“It’s perfect, but still incomplete.” Hazel began as she stood up and pulled a special box from her bag and took out a set of jade jewelry and put it on Hazel as Huan and Mei cooed and practically giggled as they put it on her as Charlotte gave Hazel a special sachet as well before Charlotte’s phone chimed.

“Do you have to go?” Hazel asked as Charlotte’s eyes watered as she tried to put on a brave, happy smile but nodded yes.

“Thank you for coming and for all of this. Thank you for being my sister. I love you so much.” Hazel thanked her as the two hugged before Charlotte got to hug every member of her family as Sylva got to get a quick picture of them all together, both with Charlotte’s phone as well as other members of her family so that each one would have a picture of this moment to treasure forever before the Henchmen came over and cleared their throats to get Charlotte’s attention as Charlotte hugged her parents, specifically her dad one last time.

“I have to go, I love you.” Charlotte bid her family before she used her handkerchief to dry her eyes and left with the henchmen as her driver was already anxiously out front, waiting to take his Empress back to a safer, less ‘exposed’ space.

“How come she couldn’t stay?” Helen asked.

“She’s a very busy woman. She lives half a world away and she probably had to fly back pretty soon, and security at the airports is a nightmare.” Sylva delicately excused as she waived it off.

“But now that we found the dress and the veil and obviously the jewelry. Let’s get settled up and get dinner shall we?” Sylva encouraged with a bright happy smile.

When Sylva came back home from flying and taking care of all the other guests, she came home to see all of her kids and their fiances and their friends as they had made a really nice dinner for everyone as Pelna and Yasmine, Gladio and Pashmina, Prompto and Cindy, Luche and Ada, Libertus and Crowe and Craig and Iris were on their way as well as Luche’s family and Ada’s family.

“Hey! So how did it go?” Luna asked as she gave her mom a big hug.

“Good, Charlotte came and surprised Hazel and the family.” Sylva revealed which caused everyone to freeze and look at each other worriedly.

“Charlotte Stevens?” Luna asked, taken aback by the news.

“Oh don’t look so surprised, when Charlotte and Gil used the jet they left a single phone number for the pilot to give to me and said I get to use it once. And I knew Charlotte wouldn’t want to miss the milestone in Hazel’s life because Charlotte knows she probably won't be welcome at the wedding since Cor is one of Titus' groomsmen, so I used it and told Charlotte the plan and she was very grateful for the invitation since no one else in her family knew how to get a hold of her to tell her. Besides, Titus’ family was blissfully ignorant of who she really was and Hazel’s family got to have a nice little reunion within the realitive safety confine of a public space and Charlotte got to see Hazel in her wedding dress as a good sister should. It was fine, I mean she had to be carrying four guns on her and who knows how many knives on her person, she had to have two guns in her outfit and at least another two in her purse and her four henchmen were armed to the teeth as well and she could only stay for about an hour but Hazel found the dress and everyone gave it their stamp of approval and Charlotte gifted Hazel some really pretty jade jewelry which is customary for a Chinese bride to receive which honored that part of her heritage and traditions, which was really nice, it was a lovely time.” Sylva waived off as she got the picture and showed everyone the family picture she took.

“She has got to have the biggest balls in the world.” Tredd noted, impressed when he saw the picture.

“She’s got you beat, that’s for sure.” Stella teased.

“She’s got everyone beat.” Sylva laughed.

“So is this everyone or are more coming?” Sylva asked.

“More are coming.” Luna reported.

“How many more?” Sylva asked before her doorbell rang and slowly then all at once, everyone came as everyone started pulling all the components at the table, setting it up for a large extended friends and family meal before Luche and Ada came in last, both of them having anxious smiles on their faces.

“Is everything ok?” Sylva asked Luche as she tried to keep her knowing smile to a minimum.

“Yeah, yeah, everythings great.” Luche reassured her.

“You sure?” Sylva asked as she looked from Luche to Ada who had the same anxious smile on her face.

“Ok, so we have some news and we wanted everyone to be around to make the announcement and we don’t exactly know how it’s going to be received.” Luche hinted.

“If it’s what I think it is, I will do my best to lead the way in accepting the announcement with all the happiness and joy that such an announcement garners. But I also want to be the first to offer my congratulations.” Sylva reassured them both.

“Thank you.” Luche and Ada breathed in relief.

“Come on, dinner is getting cold.” Sylva encouraged them before they all came into the kitchen where everyone was getting something to drink with their dinner.

“So Luche and I chose wedding invitations!” Ada happily announced as she handed every couple an invitation as well as one to her parents and one to Luche’s parents as well.

“Wait, I thought we agreed on May 18th, this is in December..only three months, it’s the weekend before Nyx and Luna’s wedding?” Linda pointed out.

“Well that brings us to announcement number two. We’re pregnant, or rather Ada is.” Luche announced as there was just a hint of nervousness to his excitement as Sylva was the first to squeal, almost an excited scream in delight, only half a second before Crowe did which got everyone else to cheer joyfully as Sylva came over and hugged them both and offered her first “official” congratulations which got Linda and Ada’s mother Amelia and Linda to get over their initial shock and plaster on happy smiles and congratulate them before Ada was swarmed by the girls with hugs and congrats as the first ultrasound pictures were passed around that she had gotten the day before.

“So how far along are you?” Sylva asked.

“Ten weeks.” Ada announced as Tredd, Nyx and Ravus shared a rather knowing smile, but no money was passed between the three because Tredd and Ravus had “seen it” when Sylva had as well. Crowe especially was super happy because she wasn’t the only one pregnant anymore as her own little baby bump had seemed to pop out since her own wedding.

“Baby bump!” Crowe happily cheered as she gently bumped her little baby bump into Ada’s belly which got Ada to giggle as the two hugged tightly and couldn’t stop laughing.

“Congratulations man!” Libertus congratulated Luche as he hugged him super tightly.

“Thanks.” Luche laughed into the hug before he got more congratulations from everyone else as even Tredd was, for once, gracious.

“So what are you hoping for?” Tredd asked.

“A healthy baby and a non complicated delivery.” Luche answered honestly.

“Good. Ok, everyone listen up! Taking bets on due dates and gender, where’s a white board?” Tredd suddenly turned, raising his voice to shout over everyone as he received a mixture of laughter and groans from some of the adults as Sylva laughed the hardest as Tredd took the whiteboard off the fridge and the little marker and erased all the important reminders after taking a pic of what was on it so none of it would be lost.

“Ok so that technically puts Crowe five months ahead of Ada so if gestation is 40 weeks, that’s basically ten months and Ada is already ten of those 38-40 weeks in- that puts us at...holy shit you’re due on your original wedding date- May 18th. OK, So, taking bets on three day spreads May 18th, 19th and 20th? Any takers?” Tredd continued undeterred.

“You asshole, I announce my fiance is pregnant and you immediately turn it into a bet?” Luche laughed, not surprised by his friend’s behavior, but was hoping he would have at least five minutes before Tredd turned into “The Lovable Douche Asshole”, the lovable part was questionable though most of the time.

“May 12th through the 15th, and a boy and the winner gets bragging rights but all the money and proceeds go to Luche and Ada.” Sylva said as she fished several hundred dollar bills out of her wallet and handed them to Ada before discretely handing Tredd another one too.

“Sweet, first better, Sylva Caelum, May 12th through the 15th and a boy.” Tredd repeated as he wrote that down and put a note in his phone.

“Oh what the hell. Twenty quid on the 16th-19th and I want a granddaughter so I’m betting on a girl.” Amelia offered as she handed Luche and Ada the money with a laugh of her own.

“May 9th-12th, a boy.” Ignis said as he handed Luche a few hundred dollars as well.

“May 19 through the 21st and a boy as well.” Luna giggled as she handed the couple a few hundred dollars too.

“May 14th through the 17th, boy as well.” Ravus added as he gave Luche most of the money in his wallet.

“Amelia it looks like if it is a girl, you’re getting amazing odds, five to one, that’s pretty awesome.” Tredd grinned at Amelia.

“Oh hell, I say May 21st through the 24th, also a girl.” Linda added as she gave Luche and Ada some money too as soon Luche and Ada were holding wads of cash and laughing as their friends were giving them money as Tredd was taking “bets” from everyone as everyone joined in on this impromptu gamble.

“Ok, so this isn’t so bad.” Ada had to confess to Luche as they tried to organize their “winnings” into a “gift bag” that Sylva had on hand before they all sat down to eat dinner as Luche nodded his agreement to that. That had gone way better than he was fearing as Selena, Stella and Luna all looked at their fiances with thinly veiled suspicion as they were looking at each other knowingly as they also noticed that Sylva also seemed particularly smug as they all happily enjoyed a very nice friends and family dinner as they discussed baby shower ideas as well as when to plan all the bridal showers and such and made a new, accelerated timeline.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Remember Me ~ Worick Arcangelo x Reader

Disclaimer: This is going to have mentions of past abuse and supposedly illegal behaviour, but considering it’s Gangsta we’re talking about, I don’t think anyone should be surprised by darker themes addresses.

Birthdays...Have always been tedious. A drag. More work than they are worth...So, I wonder...Why do I actually bother doing a party at my home?

I mean, it’s true, I get it, I’m 21, I’m of age...Legally an adult, legally allowed to drink, legally everything whatever...The same as it has been for the past 3 years...

And MAYBE it’s fun to sometimes gather around with your friends and do the same things everyone always does at parties, loud music, alcohol, cigarettes and gossips...

But there is always that annoying anxiety feeling surging through my veins whenever I have to be around more than 3 of my friends, considering this is a party organised by me, and everything has to be done perfectly, everyone must feel good, and at home, not to be left out...

I can already envision myself being the only outcast, anyway, but that’s besides the point.

It’s already evening, the alcohol is sitting on the table, the pizza boxes are stacked up in a mountain on the floor, plastic cups everywhere, ash trays placed strategically, dim lights, coloured light projectors to make the room look like a disco...

And then there’s me. Sitting anxiously on the couch in the living room, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a long plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, along with some silver rings and a necklace. Casual, comfy, yet pretty elegant in its simplicity.

My friends arrived soon, very loudly congratulating me on aging one more year, fantastic...But they had a mischievous smirk on their faces...

And they brought in a tall, blond man who looked very macho, and I could only blink in confusion as everyone walked inside.

“Uhm...Who is he? One of yours boyfriend or something?” I asked, eyeing everyone attentively. “Nooo, silly! He’s our gift for you!” my best friend grabbed the man by his arm, shoving him towards me. “I’m...Not sure I follow.” I spoke with even more unease, not wanting to believe what I was hearing. “He’s Ergastulum’s most wanted Gigolo! And tonight, he’s all yours to do with as you please! C’mon, you deserve to let loose and have fun once in a while, y’know? Forget about all those jerks and enjoy pleasure like you’ve never felt before~!” my other best friend grabbed me by my shoulders from behind, putting her chin on top of one of her hands, slurring seductively. “...I see.” I muttered, looking away, trying to mask my displeasure at what I was hearing. “Anyway, let’s get you drunk! You won’t get to enjoy anything if you’re so cold and reserved with everyone, y’know? Maybe that’s why you’re always alone! Now c’mon, let’s have fun!” she dragged me to the drinks table, and we started playing drinking games like never have I ever...

Gotta say, Vodka and Bailey’s has always been a shot combination that I adore, and I’m grateful that it takes a long time to get me drunk, because these girls are wasted, while I’m not, so I can escape their grasp. Drunk dancing isn’t that fun, even to watch, and they were making fools of themselves, screeching, giggling...More or less sounding like pained donkeys.

Or maybe I’m just too judgemental and mean because I’ve been in a bad mood and spiraling since they got in my home. To be fair, I don’t even care what is the truth. These are my feelings and I’m not going to play them off as insignificant or non-existent.

Eyeing them carefully, I take a pack of cigarettes and make my way out of the house and sit on the stairs, taking a deep breath of the cold winter night air, I light up a cigarette, taking a drag and staring up at the sky, letting my endless train of toxic thoughts overwhelm me.

I was so long in my own mind that I didn’t notice the door opening until a shadow blocked my vision, and I noticed the platinum blond man sitting down on the stairs below me, resting his back on the wall on the side.

“Y’know...I haven’t been to many birthday parties before, but I’m pretty sure the birthday girl is supposed to be pampered and the center of attention, and yet, here you are, outside, alone and sad.” the man spoke seriously, with his usual light glint. “How much did they pay you?” I muttered, lighting another cigarette, realising that the other one burn without taking another drag of it. “Hmmm? What do you mean?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I’m tipsy, not stupid. You think I can’t think rationally after 8 shots? You’re dead wrong. Now, tell me, how much did they pay you and what exactly did they tell you to do?” I asked in a pressed tone, side-eyeing him. “You’re certainly perceptive, I give you that. T’was quite a lot of money to spend the night with you.” he tilted his head in a playful way. “Not only they have no faith in me to get someone to even remotely like me...They have to pay someone to do something that I dread with a burning passion. Do you even know my name? I don’t know yours.” I shrugged, hanging my head, gritting my teeth in annoyance. “I see your friends screwed up a bit. Name’s Worick, nice to meet you.” he extended his hand towards me. “...Y/N. Nice to meet you too...I think.” I sighed, staring reluctantly at his hand, before slowly shaking it. “Pretty name for a pretty girl. Wanna talk to a guy you’ll never see again? I heard that venting and letting out pent up emotions helps.” he offered, making me look at him with a weird face. “You know you’re not gonna get any action, so you try to do something for the money you earned, huh?” I snorted, raking my fingers through my hair. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. Contrary to my profession, I’m a pretty chill guy. What do you have to lose, talking to someone you’ll never see again? And besides, I have little room to judge you, so if that’s your worry, you can throw it away.” he lit up a cigarette, puffing up into the sky. “You’re...Not wrong here. Okay, fine, Pretty Boy. Imagine this. You’re not even of age, you get your first lover and you’re happy. You finally feel superior. Someone gives a fuck about you...That’s the definition of a lover, after all, I guess...But here’s the deal. Barely one month into the relationship, the person starts getting very pushy and pressures you, without you realising. Words and actions. It goes to the point that they force you to do things that you don’t want to and you’re not ready to, mentally or physically...And you can’t do anything except for denying, since they don’t listen and they overpower you. How is that, so far?” I spoke, taking a few breaks in between sentences to keep myself grounded and lucid. “Very suckish. Does any of your friends know that?” Worick asked in a gentle voice. “They do...My two best friends do. The ones who apparently paid you. I don’t know what’s in those tiny brains of theirs, but I don’t think a one night stand is going to somehow magically get me rid of all problems, traumas, self-issues and nightmares I’ve been having for the last years. Or maybe I’m just paranoid. I don’t know, and at this point, I can’t stay that I care.” I shrugged, leaning back on the stairs. “Maybe you have the wrongs friends. I heard words about you that I don’t think friends should speak like that about their so called best friend who trusted them enough with their bad experiences.” he pointed out nonchalantly, as I shifted my gaze towards him with a frown. “After today...I...Think the same. I...Just...Wasn’t expecting something like this. What more can I say. I am disappointed. And if that wasn’t enough, my second boyfriend, who was a virgin, saw my own virginity as a prize. And the third pity-dated me. Can it get any worse? Because, if yes, I honestly give up.” I sighed, ruffling my hair, obviously done with life. “Life sure sucks, huh? And most people don’t make it any better. All we can do is get stronger, carry on, and fight our nightmares.” he nodded in agreement, clearly sympathetic. “...I see you’re speaking from experience. I wonder what happened to your eye...It may sound insensitive, but after what I just told you, I don’t think there’s any more need for caution.” I smirked at him with a dark sort of self-deprecation that I could also sense in him. “Well, y’know...Sometimes parents aren’t the safe haven they ought to be.” he shrugged, extinguishing the finished cigarette on the stairs. “I see. Yeah, life sucks. I guess I can see why you become a Gigolo. An attractive guy selling his body for money...By what they said, you are the most popular. I can see why. I feel sorry for you.” I gave him a sympathetic smile that disappeared as fast as it came. “You have a pretty smile, y’know? I always thought that people who can smile despite all they’ve been through are the strongest.” he commented, smiling back. “Is that why you appear to be so cheerful? You’re strong, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too? Wish I was the same. Maybe people won’t find me such an easy target to take advantage of.” I snorted sarcastically, making him chuckle. “It’s a pity people are shit to the few remaining ones who don’t give in to society’s awfulness. But what is a sweet girl like you doing in a shithole like Ergastulum? Doesn’t quite add up.” he asked, getting in a better sitting position. “Life happened. Dad left us, and mum is abroad working to get me enough money to go to university by the end of this year. This place, despite how scary and dangerous it is, was the cheapest place I could afford.” I bit my lip, trying not to worry too much about the future. “I’m sure you’re gonna nail it, so don’t worry too much. You seem like a smart girl, so just study hard and don’t forget to enjoy life. By your standards, not others’.” he smirked, tilting his head towards the door. “You’re funny, Worick. I wish we met under different circumstances.” my voice became lower, only to get interrupted by the door slamming open and the girls leaving the place. “Well, look at you two, lovebirds! You look so cuuuuuuuute! Hey, Gigolo, better take good care of her, got it?! The night is still young for you two! Awesome birthday party, as usual, Y/N, see ya next time!” the girls left, making me blush from embarassment, looking away. “You’ve got very sensible friends.” he muttered ironically, shaking his head. “I’ll...Go tidy the apartment. Maybe I’ll be able to focus on something else. Come one, I’ll warm up some pizza.” I shrugged, getting inside the house. “I didn’t think you’d want me around in your home.” Worick pointed out, leaning on a wall. “You got paid to spend the night with me, correct? Then you’ll do what you got paid for. Keeping me company. You have no idea how refreshing it is talking to someone with some fucking brain in their head.” I plopped down on the couch, putting my feet on the table, turning on the TV to a rock music program and patting the seat next to me for him to join. “It’s an honour to spend time with you.” he chuckled, taking a slice of pizza, leaning back on the couch and mimicking my position.

For the rest of the night, he was gracious enough to help me tidy up and clean everything, and when we were finally done, I went to change in my nightgown, taking a book and getting in bed, only to see the man leaning on the frame of the door awkwardly.

“Ah, yes, how could I forget. Let me find some larger clothes for you to change into.” I put the book down, going to the wardrobe and finding some oversized clothes in which I sometimes sleep. “Are these yours?” he chuckled in amusement. “Yep.Gotta be comfy when you sleep, right?” I shrugged, getting back in bed. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s why I sleep naked.” his grin grew wider, making me frown in confusion. “Sleeping naked is comfy for you?” I put the book on my lap, looking at him for an answer. “Did you try?” he asked smugly. “Yeah. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and anxious the for hours and couldn’t sleep. At 4 AM I couldn’t stand it any longer and I put a nightgown on.” I scratched my cheek, looking away. “That’s adorable. What were you reading?” he asked, getting closer to me. “Get changed and you can come over. I’m not letting you sleep on the couch. You got paid, you deserve better.” I waved my hand at him dismissively, only for him to leave the room, get changed, take the book from my hand, flip through all the pages, and return it. “Ah, Picture of Dorian Gray. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while, thanks for the opportunity, I have to say, I rather appreciate his monologues.” he gave me a shit-eating grin, plopping in bed next to me. “I...You...Huh?! You can’t tell me you just read THIS book, right now, for the first time in your life, by just flipping rapidly through the pages!” my expression was that of pure shock and disbelief, which clearly amused him. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, sweet cheeks.” he smirked, laying his head down on the pillow. “You...You have an extraordinary visual memory?!” I asked in a voice that I wasn’t sure was heard. “You’ve got that right, darling.” he chuckled with a satisfied smile. “...WHY THE HELL ARE YOU A PROSTITUTE?! YOU ARE A GENIUS! YOU COULD DO SO MUCH MORE WITH YOUR LIFE! EARN AN UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY! DO YOU HAVE NO AMBITION AND SAFE-LOVE?!” I grab him by the shoulders, shaking him, until he stopped me. “Calm doooown, Y/N, calm down. Thanks for looking out for me, but life is life. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got all I need here. You, however, have the whole life ahead of you, so don’t waste it like I did.” he advised in a soft voice, making me look at him for a few seconds, before sighing, getting up, and picking another book. “We won’t be seeing each other again, will we? Well, if that’s the case, take this. It’s a thanks for being nice to me today...But promise me you will take your time reading it, unlike now. Rest, relax, drink a hot cup of tea, and read each page carefully. Enjoy it, live it, feel it. Can you promise me that?” I asked, handing him the book. “The Hobbit, huh? Pretty cover, intriguing summary on the back...Fine, Y/N. I can’t 100% promise you, but I will try. Are you really willing to part with this one? It seems special for you.” he asked, more serious this time. “...Maybe sometimes the stupid ideas that your heart gives you are better than the rational ones from your brain. Now go sleep, I want to read.” I looked away from him, opening my book and pretending to read, away from him.

Five minutes passed, then ten, and fifteen, all of them in a deadly silence, almost awkward, until a chuckle split the atmosphere, making me turn around, looking at the man with a confused look.

“Usually, when people read, they turn the page after five minutes. What’s on your mind?” he asked, taking a strand of my hair and loosely twirling it with his finger. “..Well...You’re a stranger. And...We’ve only talked for a few hours. I know it makes no sense to ask this of you, but...I won’t be seeing you tomorrow anyway, so...Uhm...Do you think...I'm...Cold and mean...And unapproachable?” I mutter, looking away from him. “Not at all. I find you very endearing. The quiet ones are always the ones who have the best surprises once you get to know them. People deal with problems differently, it just takes the right person to want to understand you.” he kissed the strand of hair, making me bite my lip and turn off the lap light so my possibly pink cheeks won’t be noticeable. “Great. Thanks for the info. Now...How about you earn the money you got paid? You can do that by holding me and playing with my hair until I fall asleep.” I try to keep my voice from wavering. “You don’t have to put that pretext as a front, I would do that even if I wasn’t paid.” he chuckled lightly, holding me close to his chest, his fingers masterfully soothing my senses as he caressed by hair. “...Thanks.” I muttered, hiding my flustered face in his chest. “I have insomnia and general sleeping problems, including sleep paralysis and nightmares...And the only thing that used to be able to put me to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night would be mum holding me and playing with my hair until I fell asleep.” I confessed, my voice becoming softer and more emotional. “Thank you for trusting me with this precious memory, Y/N. It’s going to be okay. Now close your eyes...Sweet dreams, Y/N.” his peaceful, velvety voice was the last thing I heard before falling into a restful and calm sleep, for the first time in ages.

When morning came and I woke up, the bed was empty on the side that Worick was and I almost feared I imagined the whole thing...Until I noticed a piece of paper on the pillow where he slept.

“You’re a beautiful person, don’t let the darkness take over you. I hope to hear from you again, in the future, under better circumstances. ~ Worick”

To that, a phone number was written, and the first thing that came into my mind was to get that it tattooed on my body so I won’t lose it.  Of course, that will never happen, so I’ll settle for writing it everywhere I can.

For some reason, I wanted to make him proud, and I still had no idea why, so I only called him once a year, on my birthday, and on that day, we would chat on the phone all night, in memory of that night.  Finally leaving Ergastulum to go to University and get a better life for myself was something revolutionary for me, but after over 6 years, I managed to do just that. However, there was something that never left my brain, and that was the platinum haired man that completely changed the way I viewed life and how to approach it.

And I returned to Ergastulum after almost a decade.

I was dressed in a cute dress, and this time, unlike last time, a confident smile was on my face. Even though it’s fake, I adopted the “Fake it till you make it” motto, and nobody has to know about my problems.

I vibe.

Asking around for Worick, I find out he works as the Benriya with another man called Nicolas, who’s a tag, and even better, I got his address, so I knew just where to go.

As I entered the shabby apartment that was, for some reason, unlocked, I see a meek looking woman sitting on the couch, looking down.

“Did Worick get a girlfriend?” I leaned on the wall, a playful smirk on my face. “Wh-What?! G-Girlfriend?! W-Wait, who are you?!” she shot up to her feet, looking at me with big, blue doe eyes, frightened, might I say. “You’re adorable. What’s your name? And can I ask where Worick is? I’ve been told this is where he lives.” I played with a strand of my hair, trying not to intimidate the girl...Too much. “U-Uhm...He...He’s in his room...Who are you, miss?” she asked, trying to get some courage. “A friend, I’d like to think. From about ten years ago. Now, if you’ll excuse me...” I was ready to go look for him, only for a door to open, and the man in cause to appear, wearing only black boxers, and stretching...He obviously just woke up. “Ally? What’s all the noise?” he yawned loudly, rubbing his eyes. “Do you have a cute nickname for me too, Worick?” I smirked at him, as he widened his single eye, his jaw dropping in shock. “Y/N...?” he muttered my name, making me grin widely. “Glad you remember me. It has been quite a while since we’ve seen each other...And you age like fine wine, I’m telling you...You’re a sight for sore eyes.” he chuckled softly, only for him to come and pick me up, spinning a bit, before putting me down, cupping my face and kissing my forehead, leaving me a surprised and flustered mess. “And look at you! Can you get prettier than this? I told ya, you have a beautiful smile!” he grinned childishly, pinching my cheeks, making me yelp in pain and slap his hands away. “Jerk! That hurts! Ahem...Anyway, dear Gigolo, how are you? I heard some stuff about you working with someone named Nicolas...But I doubt her name is Nicolas.” I chuckled, pushing him softly away. “Oh, yes! Y/N, this is Alex, our new friend. You can say she’s kinda...Our secretary? I guess? Anyway, come over, we have a lot to catch up on!” he guided me to his bedroom that was, unsurprisingly, messy. “Wonderful and clean, just as expected. Have you ever thought of opening the window?” I teased him, plopping on his bed that was unexpectedly soft. “You, lazy little vixen...Here. I bought it years ago, after finishing the book you gave me, and I wanted to find out more. Now, I’m giving it to you. Are we even?” he smirked, handing me a copy of Fellowship of the Ring book. “We’d be even if I’d spend the night over as well. And if you gave me drinks and pizza. Basically a date. That will do.” I told him, looking dearly at the book I got gifted, although I already read it before. “My God, since when are you so bold?” he asked, getting on the bed, resting his chin on my knees, looking at me like a happy puppy. “Did you miss me, Worick? I hope you did, otherwise that little piece of paper you left would be incredibly disappointing and misleading.” I pointed out, booping his nose. “I’ve been thinking about you since then. By the looks of it, so did you. Are you sure you want a date with someone like me? You are beautiful, you are brilliant, your attitude in endearing as hell...And I’m still a Gigolo and my life is here, in Ergastulum. Don’t regret it later on.” he asked with a more serious tone, only for me to scoff and pull on his hair playfully. “I wouldn’t be here otherwise. Besides...Unlike you, I don’t need to be paid to spend quality time with you, doing nothing but chilling and chatting.” I teased him, making him laugh, as he plopped next to me, poking my cheek. “Great, problem solved! You’ve got yourself a parasite latching on you. Good luck getting rid of him now.” he grinned cheekily, only for me to cup his face and pull him into a kiss. “Why would I wanna get rid of a parasite this cute? Now shut up and hold me, it’s been ten years and I’m touch starved.” I grinned, nuzzling in the crook of his neck. “Damn, how I missed you.” he held me tightly to his chest, occasionally peppering my face with kisses.

It was definitely worth coming back to this God Forsaken place, even if it is for only one person. There’s place for everyone in this world, and in others’ hearts, and I found my place, in Worick’s warm arms, where I feel safest and most loved.

[ch4nb4ng]

[2:48]

professer!changbin 

“Okay class, make sure you do the pre-reading for next week’s class. Meredith, y/n and Sam, please stay back. Class dismissed.”

The hustle and bustle of the students leaving the lecture room made you shit your pants. What on earth would professor Changbin want? Did you fail the last assignment? Was he noticing you drift off almost every class? Did he notice how, last night, you were scrolling through his instagram and liked a picture from 36 weeks ago? Can you even blame yourself, he’s the talk of the town. Everyone thought he was so attractive, not to mention, he had only completed his degree last year, making him the youngest member of staff on campus. You were lying to yourself if you said you hadn’t thought about him outside of the classroom. He even came to the parties every once in a while. He was the life of the university, everyone knew him: the student killer.

Your heart was beating fast from the endless possibilities that he had to make you stay back running around your head. Your palms began to sweat, patiently waiting for the other two students to finish with him. You tried to focus, racking your brain about what he could possibly want you for. You thought, hard, but your brain began to fault, noticing the way the button on his shirt was about to pop, his chest slightly gaping. You coughed, trying to clear your throat and your mind out of the gutter.

“Y/n?”

You quickly stood up, papers flying over the floor as he snapped you out of your very obvious gaze at his chest. You closed your eyes, feeling the heat creep to your cheeks. Avoiding his stare, you to the floor, quickly gathering your things together before walking up to his desk. You smiled awkwardly at him, but quickly changed it when you saw his very unimpressed face giving you absolutely nothing. ‘God, why does it turn me on?’ you thought to yourself. He took his glasses off, pressing his thumbs in between his eyes and the bridge of his nose.

“Look y/n, I don't know how else to tell you this,”

“Shit,” you mumbled, earning a wide eyes stare from Changbin.

“Yes shit,” he replied, “to be honest, I know you are getting perfect scores on everything,” He paused, loosening his tie and gently pacing around his desk. “But you attendance is terrible. You are either never here, or when you are, you’re drifting off to sleep.”

You continued to avoid his gaze, a pang of guilt washing over you. “I know professor I have just been very bus-”

“There’s no excuses,” he interrupted, sitting on the edge of his desk, “attendance is required to pass this course.”

His suit jacket was now off, your eyes drawn to the extremely sheer white shirt hugging his body, highlighting his very broad shoulders and chest. You felt the familiar heat creep back to your face, moving down your body and down to in between your legs. You speedily clenched them together, hoping the professor wouldn’t notice. He paused, looking down at your feet.

“Is this a joke to you?”

The skin on your arms raised. His voice had suddenly become so deep. He was serious. You looked up, lightly gasping at how close he had suddenly become to you. 

“Answer my question.”

“No,” you whispered, unable to control your voice.

“Why aren’t you looking at me then?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, suppressing the moan that wanted to escape your lips when he brought the outside of his index finger to your chin. A deep chuckle escaped his chest. Your heart dropped to your legs, the feeling at your core deepening. 

“Is there something I can do?”

“Excuse me?”

You grabbed his wrist, a sudden urge of adrenaline flushing your body as you stood up and took his hand off of you. Suddenly, you grabbed his tie, pulling him right up close, faces inches apart. You giggled, feeling his hot breath tickle your skin.

“I would do anything,” you paused, keeping a firm grip of his tie and you pushed him back onto the edge of his desk, “and I mean anything, to improve my attendance.”

His hands quickly found their way back to you, snaking around his waist. His legs spread open, allowing you to infiltrate him, lips icing closer to you, sloppily brushing against yours as he pulled you closer. He finally pushed them against yours, letting them melt into yours as he felt your body relax against him, hands leaving his tie and wrapping around his neck. You groaned into his mouth, feeling his tongue slip into your mouth, hands moving down south as he continued to make out with you. It was slow, making you a little frustrated, he was teasing you, but you couldn’t complain. The way his whole body felt, pressed up against, you, was intoxicating.He stood up, flipping you around and pushing your against his desk. You hissed, feeling the wooden coldness scatter across your back. 

“Then I’ll give you a reason,” he hissed, “a reason to make you want to come every week.”

Changbin’s body followed, letting himself hover over you as he smirked, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before they found your neck, sweetly nibbling until he found his way to your sweet spot. He drew a moan from your lips, enjoying the way he harshly began to suck on your skin, patches of red dancing across your collarbone. Changbin’s hands left your behind, travelling up to your chest. He bit down on his bottom lip as his fingertips slid underneath your shirt and into your bra, twirling around your hardened nipples.

“Fuck,” you groaned, tightly gripping his desk, “your fingers feel so good.”

“Well,” he cockily smirked, “I think they could be a lot more useful elsewhere.” 

His hands were like snakes, slowly slithering around your intricate frame. You mentally thanked yourself for wearing a skirt, interrupted in your thoughts as you felt his pads trace over your clothed core, a stifled moan leaving your lips.

“Wow,” Changbin hissed,” already so wet for me, you leaking through your panties huh?”

You shyly smiled, impatience growing as his fingers heavily teased you. Pulling your panties to the side, he chuckled, letting his fingers dip into your folds, sloppily beginning to play with your clit. Your hips jolted off the table, satisfaction jumping your bones as his eventual touch. You closed your eyes, a playful smile showing on your lips as the hundreds of fantasies you had about this exact moment played in your head. 

“Professor  I-”

“Please,” he interrupted, “call me Changbin.”

“Okay well, Changbin,” you groaned, sitting up, “I have another class soon so can you just, uhm, fuck me already?”

Changbin’s eyes widened for a moment but quickly went back to normal, preventing his eagerness from showing. He said nothing, instead nodding and began undoing his belt. Pulling his boxer’s down, you gasped. You expected him to be big, but boy, was he hung. You bit down on the bottom right corner on your lip. He began to stroke himself, a soft groan escaping his lips before moving back to you, letting his tip carelessly run through your folds.

“I love when you look at me like that,” he groaned, mouth slightly agape, “so innocent for me, aren’t you?”

Grabbing his tie once more, you loosened it completely, tossing it to the side, allowing you to fixate on his buttons, undoing one by one until it fell to the sides, exposing his out of this world muscular figure. Your hands spread across his body, earning a small moan from Changbin. Your fingers traced dangerously close to his nipples, a sharp inhale coming from Changbin’s throat.

“Like what you see?”

“Please,” you whined, “fuck me.”

Lining himself up with your entrance, he pushed his length in, a moan of relief escaping your lips as he stretched you out, giving you time to adjust. Changbin gritted his teeth, jaw clenched as he slowly began to move in and out of you. Your jaw dropped, mouth completely open in shock of how thick he was. He stood tall, looking down at how pathetic you looked, completely desperate and vulnerable for his cock. Your fingers began to dig into his arms, a deep chuckle left his chest.

“Such a good girl,” he grumbled, picking up his pace, “this is exactly what you pictured, didn’t you?”

“Yes it is,” you panted, desk beginning to rock with you, “i’ve wanted this for so long.”

Changbin threw his head back in ecstasy, loving the way you desperately clung onto him. Hovering over you, he groaned, pressing his forehead against yours, feeling the delicate beads of sweat tingling across your skin. Hands on either side of your head, he leaned down, attacking your lips once more. A hand left his arm and became entangled in his hair, causing Changbin to fall limp against it. You began to smirk; you found a weakness. Slightly tugging, you giggled, feeling him become putty in your hands. His lips found their way back to your neck, head nuzzled in the crook as his thrusts started to become sloppy.

“Changbin,” you moaned, making him hum against your neck, “god, changbin.”

“Tell me baby,” he growled, now looking at you, “tell me how you feel.”

“I feel so good,” you whine, muscle tension in your body on the rise, “I love the way your cock completely fills me up.”

“I love it when you talk back to me.”

An elongated moan escaped his lips. Licking a long stripe along his fingers, he sniggered, flipping your skirt up and vigorously rubbing your clit. Your breathing was becoming heavy, completely coming undone from Changbin’s touch. He was loving it.  Loving how he could manipulate you so easily with his touch.

“Y/n are you close?”

“I’m gonna cum right now,” you whined, feeling your stomach begin to knot, “please tell me you're close.”

“I'm so close baby, you want me to cum inside of you?”

“Yes please,” you groaned, clenching your jaw, “please cum inside of me.”

“You want that don’t you?”

“Yeah I do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes Changbin oh my god im gonna cum right now!”

Your eyes screwed shut as you felt changbin’s warm seed fill you up in spurts, tipping your over the edge. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kept your eyes shut, nothing but heavy breathing filling the room as you both came down from your high. Opening your eyes, you began to giggle, hiding your face from your professor. Your professor, oh shit! The heat creeped onto your cheeks once more. Changbin stood up, quickly pulling up his pants and redoing his belt. You quickly fixed yourself, rubbing the sweat of your face and tying your hair into a ponytail. Grabbing your bag, you smiled at him, quickly making your way out of the classroom.

“Wait, y/n!”

You paused, turning around to face him.

“Same time next week?”

“Sounds good to me!”

Hastily running out of the classroom, you sighed, stupidly smiling as you smacked yourself on the head. You knew you were in deep shit, but you began to question yourself; why weren’t you scared?

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Never

Prompt: "Clarke, you never wanted me."

Everything happened, and all at once. Lexa understood how the Big Bang must have felt, to be perfectly fine, sitting there quietly and minding one’s own business before getting the rush, the shadow of an impulse, and then BOOM-- the entire universe, instantly. 

Somehow she survived. Her brain didn’t quite know where it was or what it was doing. She didn’t fully grasp the enormity of the situation in the same way that even upon standing at the top of the Empire State Building, no one can fathom how absolute and tall it is. But she wasn’t left with a beautiful, wondrous view. No. She was left with the look of her own hands as she stared at them. 

In the midst of her personal implosion, Lexa came to coherence again, sitting on a bench in a small garden with a large statue of what she thought was an apostle, though she couldn’t be sure because she didn’t know what they looked like. It didn’t matter, she decided, looking back at her hands in the bright spring sunlight that made the sky nearly white with its brightness. 

None of it really mattered. All of it mattered. She was the Big Bang and she wasn’t sure what she entirely created, but she knew what she destroyed, and the delicate balance of her universe, her quiet, stoic universe-- it was ruined forever. 

As time passed she came to remember all of the facts that got her to this moment. She remembered sitting in the pew. She felt the heavy lead that remained in her belly, weighing down her entire being. And then she stood up despite all of history telling her not to do it. And the church grew quiet and waited for her to say words. And she did, much to her own chagrin. She said so many words she wasn’t sure she remembered them exactly. She said all of the words as the air was sucked from the room until it was quiet again. And no one moved, except Lexa. She held her breath and walked out without waiting to hear any other words. She’d said all of them and there were no more left ever again. 

She was an idiot. 

Lexa shook her head and thought that loudly as she rested her elbows on her knees and gripped her hair in her hands, clutching it and tearing at it in the stupidity she as feeling and unable to escape from. 

Only an idiot would confess their love to their best friend. 

Only an idiot would do it on their wedding day. 

Only an idiot would do it during the wedding. 

Only an idiot was Lexa. She was the only idiot. 

And still worse yet, worse than loosing her best friend, worse than the feeling of perpetual hunger, worse than the feeling of losing it was was the knowledge that now Clarke was married and gone. 

Lexa wondered if the universe felt so terrible after exploding. 

It took too long, but Lexa remained rooted, hiding out in the small garden in hopes of missing the entire wedding party. If she was going to go her entire life without Clarke, it seemed like a good time to start getting used to it. She couldn’t handle anything else, least of all her beautiful friend in that wedding dress with the pitiful blue eyes that would look at her like she needed fixed and then they’d try to fix. And Lexa sure a hell didn’t want that. 

She waited and waited, thinking of nothing else, torturing herself with all of the options she had and squandered, and how professing her love at a wedding was probably the worst time to do it. No, it was absolutely the worst time to do it. Without a single doubt. 

Lost somewhere in her coat pocket which was somewhere in the church, she was certain she’d have messages on it from friends and family making sure she was okay. For a second, as annoyed as she was that she couldn’t text her sister for a pick up, she was grateful to not have to deal with anything. 

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” a voice screeched as Lexa winced. “You can’t pick up your phone?” 

“I just realized I lost it.” 

“In your hasty exit,” Clarke supplied, somewhat accusatory.

Guilty and childlike, Lexa shrugged, knowing full well that she deserved so much yelling. She deserved and epic punishment. She deserved to never have to see--

“Do you want to tell me what the fuck that was?” 

She shook her head and continued to look at her hands. 

“Because I just called off my wedding for you, and I deserve more than a shrug.” 

“You did-- What do you-- How in--” Lexa sputtered, finally looking up. 

Still in her wedding dress, still as beautiful as Lexa swore she was just a few hours ago, still angry and fuming, Lexa looked away just as quickly, catching herself at the news. Maybe she’d triggered an entire end to the world and this wa just the readying of the apocalypse.  

“I need you to explain why you just stood up in my wedding and said that you loved me. You owe me that, Lexa. After everything we’ve been through? After--”

“I don’t know.” 

“Tell me the truth.” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Tell me the fucking truth!” Clarke yelled, her voice raising as she grew even more angry . “You have to tell me.” 

There was a bit of pain in her voice. A bit of knowledge. A bit of fear and grief and wrath and tied up into a messy present. 

“Clarke, you never wanted me-- I was always just… I was the person who loved you and you knew it and you needed that. I was an idiot to think that--”

“What?” 

“I’ve loved you since I was twelve, and you have to have known.” 

The look of mortified shock stained Clarke’s face as she thought about everything. She wasn’t sure she’d ever allowed herself to imagine a world in which Lexa loved her.

“You never said anything… you never… I didn’t…”

“You had to have known.” 

“You were with Costia for years off and on. And then there was a string of others-- you never. How could you never tell me?” 

The anger returned and Clarke felt the heat in her chest as Lexa pushed herself up from the bench, her body rigid as she clenched her jaw and glared, that infamous glower that made the interns at her work run. The same fire in her eyes when Clarke pushed her buttons about something when they were hanging out. The same look that was confused for anger was full of passion, reserved for nights of a few glasses of wine and waxing poetic about any of her favorite topics. 

“When?”

“When I made all of those hints that I liked you?”

“You never--”

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s shirt and kissed her anger. She kissed her lips and she clenched at her clothes, afraid to let go. Shocked, Lexa froze, unsure of what to do in the moment until her body remembered that this was her wildest dream and she surged forward, like a wave on the shore, completely overwhelming. She cupped Clarke’s cheeks and kissed her deeper. 

“I always wanted you,” Clarke whispered as she caught her breath.

[ironspiidey]

Starker Spofity Shuffle

So ive been struggling with severe writers block. After seeing some peeps do the song shuffle mini fic thing on tumblr I thought it might be a good way to curb said writers block. Fingers crossed guys.

Read on A03

Help Pour Out the Rain (Lacey’s Song)// Buddy Jewell (Parent!Peter, Innocent!Morgan )

Peter was just on his way back to the house after his and Morgan’s weekly ice cream date after much of both Pepper and Tony saying that he was her parent as Pep and Tony are and that she needed alone time with her Papa as much as her Mommy and Daddy. When Morgan piped up from the backseat

“Papa!”

“Yes peanut?”

“Will we ever visit Auntie Nat?”

Peter glanced back at her through the rear-view mirror “I wish we could but Nat is in heaven with the angels.”

“Can we go there? Like to visit or would we have to stay forever. Could god use another angel to poor out the rain?” Morgan kept questioning her papa while she kept looking out the window

“Sorry baby we can’t go visit or stay until its our time to do so sweetie.”

“Oh okay.” Morgan shrugs her shoulders, the 6-year-old was silent for a moment before asking about something else. Not noticed how her Papa’s eyes were misty.

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With it// Always Never (Teenage!Starker, Hidden Relationship!)

Peter doesn’t get it, one-minute Tony and he are on the same page than all of a sudden he’s ghosted hard.

Tony tells his buddies that him and Peter have a weird friendship. Which honestly is true. After the disaster that was Quentin Beck, Peter stopped putting his heart on his sleeve. He thought things would be kinda okay with him and Tony until Tony started hiding them like what the fuck is that. Especially since he was with guys openly it wasn’t a coming out thing. Maybe Tony is just scared because of how Peter told him to enjoy the ride and let it play out and not to worry about love.

Only reason Peter even said that was because he was A. Stoned as hell, B. Just getting over his ex and C. Knowing how much of a player Tony Stark was and didn’t want to lose this good vibe of a friendship thing they had. But now? Now Peter knows he’s in love with him and maybe next time they get high he’ll mention it. Tony is always 100% honest while high.

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Hymn For The Missing// Red ( Character Death, Grieving!Tony, Adult!Peter, )

Tony finds himself back on the rooftop of the tower once again still heartbroken 2 years later. He fucking lost Peter. Tony never forgave himself for it, staring at the sky he wonders what happens to those that were dusted. Are they alive but in an alternate universe? Or are they truly dead? Strange doesn’t say much about what could be and frankly Tony doesn’t really want to know. The thought of sweet Peter, his Babyboy truly dead forever or stuck in the galaxy drifting would be too much to bear. It’s bad enough as it is with the knowledge that he couldn’t save him in the first place. Tony takes a deep breath and downs the scotch in his hand. It helps numb helps the pain. But only a little.

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Difficult Love// City and Colour (Minor Cheating mentioned, Drug use Mentioned Tony fucked up a lot but Peter loves him)

Tony knows its not been easy for Peter to stick by him. All these years from his college days and the fights, the drugs, the ‘cheating’. Peter refuses to call what Tony did cheating, says they were on a break so he cant call it cheating, But Tony well he knows it was a dick move because they were only on a break because Peter felt Tony needed to deal with some of his issues on his own without having to worry about Peter too.

All that happened during that break was Tony getting high out of his tree on things much harsher than weed, sleeping with randos and 2 overdoses. One that nearly killed him.

At the same time, he knows he needed to go through all that to be the Tony Stark he is today. Maybe without the overdoses but he’s still breathing and that’s what counts, or that’s at least what Peter keeps drilling into his thick brain.

God Tony is so grateful Peter stuck by him through his difficult love all these years.

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Worst in Me// Julia Michaels (Jealous!Peter, they have issues, but Tony knows they can work through it)

Peter sighs out on the balcony of their home. THEIR home. Peter takes a deep breath. Tonight’s fight was bad real bad. Peter let his emotions get in the way, the bad ones. The ones where he can’t help but be jealous of the woman that try to hang of Tony, his husband. They worked through so much shit. From abusive exs and past traumas together to have something so stupid get in the way. Peter shakes his head. Why does the worst in him have to come out and ruin things? Things used to be so great with him and Tony. But of course, Tony pushes and Peter pushes back and then they end up like this. Peter swallows and heads back inside, headed for the lab where he knows his better half is bound to be.

Peter tries the door, but it won’t him which means Tony is very mad and Peter definitely crossed the invisible line of don’t go here.

“Friday? Can you open this door?”

“Sorry Peter, Boss said no visitors, especially Spiderhusband.”

Peter lets out a sad chuckle at the little nickname.  “Can you patch my voice through to the lab.”

“Of course.”

“Tony..”

“Peter please go away.”

“Just hear me out, I promise if you don’t want to hear from me. Ill go stay with May or Bucky or something. Just please” Peter swallows, his voice starting to break. “Just let me say my piece first.”

Tony doesn’t look up from his hologram, just motions with his hand for him to continue.

“Its like I’ve got this chain reaction to act like a total dick. That the worst in me just must make an appearance when things are just getting good. I bring out all your monsters and I’m so sorry Tony. I’m not perfect but I cant lose you.. We used to be so happy and I know we could fix these kinks and the bad parts may not want to fix this, us. But the best in me wants to love you until the end of every forever.”

By the end of Peter’s spiel, both of them are crying. Tony walks over to the door and unlocks it. Opening his arms “C’mere Petey Pie. We are never above fixing. I get bitter.” Tony wraps his arms tightly around his husband as he ran into his arms “But I didn’t exactly stop people from mauling over me and I’ll do my very best to not hurt you again baby, We can do this.”

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Until the Day I Die// Story Of The Year (Hurt!Tony, Peter professes his love )

“God Tony this is so scary.” Peter swallows looking at his boyfriend and mentor laying in this hospital bed . “I need you to be okay. I know we haven’t been together long and this is definitely NOT the way to profess my love to you but the Doctors say your brain activity is fine and your just not waking up. So here goes.”

Peter glances at the door to make sure nobody was within listening distance. “Tony I feel like I loved you my whole life and not in the hero obsession everyone thinks. You’ve become my best friend, rock and partner all in one and while we only started becoming a thing. I love you with all of me until the day I die. If you don’t wake up and pull through this, if you.” Peter swallows “If you die, you’ll be taking me with you because without you Im nothing. Please Baby come back to me.”

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Best of the Best | Part 1

Genre: Smut and Angst

Word Count: 4k

Summary: You promised yourself you’d never fall for another clingy, needy boy who demanded you gave him all your love, only to leave you after he has sucked you dry. Yet here you were, making that same mistake again. Alternatively: It wasn’t easy being perfect. Sometimes, Taeyong needed someone else to take control. Sometimes, he needed to be broken down completely in order to be put back together again, better and stronger. 

A/N: I tried to get as close as I can to ty’s actual personality in this one. This is largely inspired by his verse in Whiplash and some tidbits about his life that I learned from @nctforuandme she’s honestly single-handedly responsible for reigniting my obsession with ty so thank you a lot babe

Warnings: femdom, sub!taeyong, dom!reader, student/professor relationship, age-gap, dry humping, thigh riding, degradation, sexist remarks, breath play, semi-public sex, cheating, Miss kink (?), pwb professors with benefits, usage of the painfully cliche trope of “but you can’t fall in love with me”

“What is this?” You hear someone bark out. At first, you don’t think the wrathful inquiry is directed at you. After all, who would dare speak to you this way? But when you hear the same voice shout out again, much closer this time, you look up to find that the person, that poor fucker, was in fact talking to you. “Are you deaf? I asked you a question.” The students, who were just starting to file out of the room at the end of your lecture, freeze in their tracks and look over, varying degrees of shock and trepidation displayed on their faces. One of them, a tall bespectacled boy who you know you guess is a friend of the boy with the suicidal wish, Lee Taeyong, bravely steps forward to try and pull him back, muttering quietly to him, “Let’s go, man. It’s not worth it.” But the silver haired boy shakes him off, never taking his hateful gaze off of you. “No, this is bullshit. This paper is worth twenty-five percent of our final score and she gave me a D. A fucking D! This is gonna mess up my whole grade.” Gasps echo around the room as more students come into the room instead of getting out in order to watch the scene unfold. The boy’s friend pales and urgently whispers to him, “Dude, the man-eater is gonna have your balls for this. Apologize and let’s—“ You’ve heard enough.

“Everyone, get the hell out of my lecture room.” Your voice booms out, making students jump in fear and slip out hurriedly. When you see some still hesitate to leave, their curiosity getting the best of them, you threaten, “I’m going to count to five, and if I see anyone else in here after I’m done besides Mr. Lee, they can expect a zero on their next exam.” At that, everyone quickly rushes out. Even Lee’s friend backs away, his hands raised in the air as if to say he has nothing to do with his friends stupidity, and then he leaves too. When the room is empty sans you and Lee, you speak again. “What seems to be the problem, Mr. Lee?” “I want you to change my grade to an A.” He demands as if it was his right to get the grade he wanted, looking every bit the spoiled brat whose daddy always gave him everything he’s ever asked for. It wasn’t a look becoming of a young man studying at a prestigious university such as this, and the look you give him in response speaks volumes of how little you appreciated that.   “You don’t deserve an A. Your work wasn’t up to par.” You say dismissively. Your response seems to make him light up with pure fury. “Bullshit! I worked my ass off on this paper. I’ve been getting straight A’s eve since I set foot in this damn college. I’m not going to have my perfect score ruined by you.” “Well, you should’ve thought of that earlier. Maybe then you would’ve given me something better than the dismal excuse for a paper that you handed in. You’re lucky I even let you pass. Don’t make me rethink my decision.” You threaten him, hoping to dissuade him from his silly tantrum. Despite your reputation for being a merciless “man-eater”, you really didn’t derive any joy from making the lives of your students miserable, whether they were male or female. You cared about your students. You took pride in your work. That’s the whole reason you were so strict in the first place. You wanted to have a positive impact on their lives. You worked your ass off so that years from now, one of these students might look back on their college years and think ‘Man, I really learned something of value from Miss ___.’ That used to be the case anyway. Now, having endured years of indifferent students and spiteful colleagues, you’ve all but lost your passion for what used to be your dream job. But even so, you still cared about your students and you were still willing to let Lee’s little tantrum go if he backs down and apologizes, despite him having so brazenly disrespected you in front of the entire class.  But it seems he’s not too smart, that one. “I gave you my best work. I always give my best work! That’s why every other professor before you has given me straight A’s.” “Hmm, is that why? Funny. And here I thought all the others were just kissing your ass because your father is a major investor in this university and they’re just trying to save their own cowardly asses. Sorry, sweetheart, I’m just so dumb sometimes.” You smack your forehead with your palm, pretending to extrude the stupidity out. “Don’t you dare—“ He seethes, looking absolutely murderous, and you swear you can actually hear his teeth grinding together. “I got this far through my hard work and my hard work alone. I will not let you take that away from me.” “Let’s see that hard work in your next assignment then.” You try to end it there, feeling weary already, but still wanting to give him a second chance that he didn’t deserve to tuck his tail between his legs and run. Turning your back to him, you grab your folder off the desk, looking to gather your things and leave, but he promptly rips it from your hands and throws it to the side, your carefully collected and sorted papers flying out and scattering all over the floor. You don’t have any time to react as he backs you into the desk and looms over you with equal parts anger and desperation. “Look, just tell me what you want and you’ll have it. You want a Rolex? How about a nice Louis Vuitton bag, huh? Say what you want and it’s yours. Just… please, I need that A.” His sudden change in demeanor from lethal to excessively desperate was concerning and a little bit unsettling. Why did he need that A so bad? It’s not like it’s going to affect his overall score that much. He won’t get a perfect GPA but it wouldn’t be too far off. “Mr. Lee, look at me.” You sigh in exasperation and gesture towards your generic, economic outfit of a simple white blouse and a black skirt. “Don’t you think a watch or a bag that cost more than my entire wardrobe would look silly on me?” “I could buy you a whole new wardrobe then, to fit your new accessories. Is that what you want?” He hurries to say, a knowing glint in his eyes as if he’s onto you. “Are you even listening? What I want is for you to leave me alone.” You take a step to the side, trying to get out from under him but he slams his hands down on either side of you, trapping you against the desk. “So the rumors about you are true, huh? You really are a bitter bitch who takes pleasure in making the lives of her male students miserable in order to make up for her own sad and loveless life.” He snarls, looking down his nose at you. “You know, maybe if you weren’t such a frigid bitch, a man would actually want to touch your shriveled up pussy. Give me that A and I’ll give you that dicking I know you’re dying for, baby.” “Oh, but Mr. Lee…” You gasp, looking up at him demurely, lulling him into a false sense of security as you lightly trail a hand up his chest towards his neck. “I don’t fuck little whores.”   You circle your fingers around his neck and press down, cutting off the gasp that tried to fight its way out of his throat. As you lightly choke him, you monitor his reaction closely, ready to pull back at any sign of distress. But just like you had predicted, he stays rooted to the spot, looking at you like an animal caught in a trap, his eyes jumping around in alarm as he tries to catch his breath and make sense of what is happening. Smirking, you press down harder on his throat, slimming his breathing down to a wheeze. “What makes you think that you would even be allowed to put your dirty, little cock anywhere near my pussy? You’re just a stuck-up, spoiled little brat who needs to be reminded how to properly talk to his superiors. Do you know what you should be calling me, boy, or are you too dumb to even remember?” “Yes,” He grits out, getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen to his brain. He was glaring bloody murder at you but he never once attempts to pull back. You knew he wouldn’t. You had always been an excellent judge of character, a skill that’s came in handy quite often in your profession, and you knew just what this boy so desperately needed. “Yes, what, little slut?” “Yes, Miss.” He wheezes out and bucks his hips against you, making you snap at him and press down harder on his windpipe, blocking his airflow entirely. “Did I say you could do that? How are you going to ‘give me that dicking I’m dying for’ when just having my hand on your throat is making you hump me like a horny virgin?”     All at once, you take the pressure off his neck and he folds over, molding his body to yours as he sucks in deep, gasping breaths. Grabbing his jaw, you press your face close to his. “Look at you, so wrecked already. Are you that easy? I didn’t even need to touch your little dick. I bet you would cum if I so much as lay a finger on you, wouldn’t you?”   When he doesn’t reply, you clench your hand down on his jaw, your fingers digging into his cheeks, and ask again, “Wouldn’t you?” “Yes, Miss.”  “Would you like that?” “Yes, please, Miss.” “No.” You deadpan, “You don’t deserve it.” He slumps, looking positively crestfallen, but doesn’t protest. You’re quiet for a moment, your face a mask of cold disinterest as you stare him down, watching as he slowly unravels under the weight of your unimpressed gaze. He was trying so hard to hold onto his pride even as his eyes start to tear up and his hips move ever so slightly against you, timidly pleading you to give him something, anything. "You really want that A, huh?” Your face breaks out into a triumphant grin, “OK, I’ll give it to you.” Caught up in your game, he had forgotten what this was about in the first place, and so he starts, thrown off by the sudden reminder. “That’s what you wanted, right?” You taunt, smirking as you watch him gape and fumble. “Yes, b-but—“ “B-b-b-but,” You mock, laughing, and the boy’s face flushes crimson. He bites his lip and averts his eyes in embarrassment. You smile at him knowingly, stating state what you knew he wished to say, “But now you’re all wound up now and you want to cum too, don’t you, greedy little slut?” “I'll tell you what? I'll give you that A you’re whoring yourself out for, and I’ll not force you walk out of here with blue balls and a stiff cock. How does that sound?” The boy gives you what might possibly be the most innocent look you’ve ever seen on his face, or anyone’s face for that matter. He was wide eyed and slack jawed, fear and hope flitting over his face in alternating ripples as he tries to make out what your angle here was. You half-expect to see little restless ears sprout up from the top of his head for how much he resembled a frightened little kitty right now. He looked so unlike his normally cold and severe self. Right in front of your eyes, he seems to transform into someone else entirely; his white skin turning warm and tan, his demeanor tender and inviting, his sharp features broadening and a full, boxy smile replacing the thin-lipped pout on his face… But as soon as you blink, he’s Lee Taeyong again, and not the boy who broke your heart so many years ago. Pushing him away, he stumbles on unsteady feet as you walk around the desk and sit on the leather chair. You pat your thigh, flushing the intrusive thoughts away and ordering him tightly, “Come here.” He doesn’t protest, just walks up to you in a daze and sits down on your lap, straddling your thigh between his legs and looking at you expectantly. “What I’m offering you here is a chance to get everything you want. If you can get yourself off just by riding my thigh, I’ll give you that A you so desperately want." Taeyong looked positively terrified, his face paling as he tries to figure out if this was a trick or not. Taking pity on him, you cradle his face in your hands and gently ask, “Can you do that for me, Mr. Lee? Can you show me what a good, hard working boy you are?” He nods fervently, eager to believe you, his hands going to his pants to unbutton them, but you brush them away. "No. Keep them on. I want to see you make a mess for me." Sucking in a breath, he whispers harshly, “Yes, Miss.” When he starts moving on top of you, it’s a little uncomfortable. He is somehow both heavy and bony, but you don’t dwell on it for long, not when he almost immediately picks up his pace, grinding against you earnestly as if he just suddenly realized how badly he needed to get off.  You watch his frantic movements in amusement, remarking, “You know, if we had enough time, I would never have let you off this easily. I would’ve edged you on for so long that you’d cum on command.” He shivers at your words, his hips grinding down harder against your thighs as delicious little moans fall freely from his mouth. You support his head in your palm as it lolls to the side, “Then I’d make you cum again and again. I would make you cum so many times that by the end of the night you'll be crying and begging me to hurt you even more." “Yeah, yeah,” He moans encouragingly, clutching onto you and swiveling his hips around in circles, his cock driving into the flesh of your thigh hard. "Be quiet kitten or someone will hear your mewls." You laugh, slipping a hand under his shirt to softly caress his stomach. He was shuddering like a leaf above you, barely able to control his movements, and he doesn't calm down. He only gets louder. "Damn, you’re a loud little slut." You push the fingers of the hand that had been cradling his face into his mouth, muffling his moans, and he immediately goes to work licking and sucking on your fingers like a lollipop.  "I knew I was right about you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew that you were just begging for someone to strip you off of your abrasive and entitled attitude and whip you back into shape. But no one ever did, right? They all saw you acting cold and clawing at anyone who tries to come near, and they assumed you’re a lion trying eat them up. But you’re not a lion. You’re just a frightened little kitty looking for someone worthy enough to tame him.” You confidently, watching as the boy melts under your words, allowing you to gaze upon his true self.  You know it’s hard for him, exposing himself like this, so you try to be gentle with him. “Poor kitty, you must’ve been waiting for so long. I can’t imagine that your pretty little girlfriend ever took charge of you like you crave. I bet she just lets you do whatever you please with her. I bet she never once punished you for being so insolent or fucked you until you cried out for forgiveness. Isn’t that right, little kitty?” Taeyong’s legs clench around your thigh and he pulls his head back, your fingers slip out of his mouth and tracking strings of saliva behind them as he cries out, “I’m so close, Miss. Please, let me cum.” Since all of this must be so overwhelming for him and yet he was still well-behaved enough to ask before cumming without you needing to tell him to, you decide to take it easy on him. “Cum, little kitten, show me what a good boy you can be.” He gives a few last erratic thrusts before his body seizes up and he cries out, finally cumming. You quickly clamp a hand over his mouth to muffle his screams, feeling warmth coat the fabric of your skirt as he shudders above you. When he hunches over you, completely spent, you wraps your arms around him and rub his back soothingly, listening to him gasp for air and feeling his heart beat wildly through his frail rib-cage. "Hush little kitten. It’s OK. You’re OK. I’ve got you.” "Thank you, Miss." His reply is muffled as he buries his face in your shoulder. As his body slowly relaxes and his breathing settles down, you slowly become aware of what exactly you just did... You got yourself sexually involved with a student, a clearly troubled boy who craves affection and support and who probably now thinks you can give him that.  Why do you always go after the broken ones?  Technically, it wasn’t against school policy to hook up with a student but you could still get a lot of grief over this, and that’s just the administrative and interpersonal-relationships  aspects of it… You sigh, pushing the boy up so you can lock eyes with him. "You did well, Mr. Lee. You’ll be getting that A you were promised. You just need to keep what happened between us to yourself. After we leave this room, you have to promise to never talk about this again, not to me, not to anyone. Is that understood?" You hope he would gladly take your offer and leave. After all, he just got the grade he wanted and an orgasm to boot. But when he hesitates to answer you, you know you’re in trouble. “Mr. Lee, do we have a deal?” For another agonizing second, he remains quiet, throwing you into a vicious loop of worrying about all the improbable reasons behind his silence and how you’re going to deal with them and all the possible ways this could end badly for you.  Finally though, he breaks eye contact and answers you with a timid, “Okay.” As you watch him leave the lecture room, his gait funny because of the sticky mess in his pants, you pray to god that the feeling of dread washing over you is completely unjustified and that this wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass later. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• As always though, your gut feeling was correct. After your little encounter with Mr. Lee, it was like he became obsessed with you. He would openly stare at you during lectures then find any flimsy excuse to talk to you after, leaving his friends to scratch their heads and wonder why the boy who was just about to end you a week ago was now always following you around like a little duckling. It was all getting very suspicious and you found yourself forced to intervene quickly before anyone figured it out. Rounding him up in your office--a concerningly easy feat seeing as the boy was more than happy to be locked up in a room alone with you-- you turn on him, “Mr. Lee, what on earth are you doing?” “I—I am asking you about the assignment.” He gulps, trying not to give himself away and failing miserably. “I don’t understand the part where—“ “Cut the crap, Lee. You understand it perfectly. You’re not very smooth, you know? Now tell me, what is this about?” You demand. You weren’t slick either. You knew what he wanted but you were desperately hoping you were wrong, the sickening sense of déjà vu coursing through your brain so strong, it was nauseating. You couldn’t handle another needy, clingy boy who demands all your love then leaves you when he has run you dry. The boy scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, and stumbles through his words, "Can I... can we...do... it again? What happened last week, I mean. Not exactly the same though! I can make you feel good too I swear I—“ “Didn’t we agree to never talk about that again? You’re talking about it.” “I know but I just can’t stop thinking about it! That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had and you didn’t even touch me. Holy shit, I can’t wait to see what you can do if you actually touch me.” “Then I’m afraid you’ll be waiting for a long time. What I did was wrong and unprofessional and as your professor, I sincerely apologize to you for that. It can’t happen again." “Why?” He whines childishly.  "Because I’m your professor.” You say it like it’s matter-of-fact, because it is. “If the other professors find out I’m sexually involved with a student, they’ll ostracize me. It’s already hard enough with all the malicious rumors running around about me just because I’m a woman who dares to be assertive and not let men walk all over her. If they find out about this, it will just be more proof in their minds that I hate men and I’m taking it out on a poor student.” “They won’t find out. I’ll make sure of it. I'll keep pretending I hate you and no one will ever know. And even if they did, I can shut them up. You said it yourself; my father is the biggest investor in this college and they all want to stay on my good graces. Please, I need this.” “That’s not how it works, Mr. Lee. They’ll only shut up in front of you but they’ll still talk behind your back. Why don’t you just hire a dominatrix or something if you need this so bad?” "I don’t want a fucking dominatrix. I want you." There was that fire in his eyes again, the all-consuming passion to get what he wants at whatever cost that you’re so used to seeing from him. This Taeyong was completely different from your previous lover. He was rage and determination and cold, blue fire; nothing like the warm and soothing orange of the other, softer boy. You knew this Taeyong. You could handle this Taeyong. “I don’t want a strange woman whipping me around and telling me to lick her boots. I want you. You get me! You saw me in a way no one ever did before. I just... I’m so close to losing it. I have to put on this persona every minute of every day but it’s slipping off and I can’t keep it in place anymore. I need to let go for once and let someone else take charge or I’m going to snap. Please, help me.” The problem is that you believed him wholeheartedly; you sympathized with him wholeheartedly. Because beneath his hard exterior, there was a soft, mushy thing inside that frail rib-cage of his that mirrored your own. You couldn’t turn him away when you saw yourself in him. So you agree, under one condition. “You can’t fall in love with me. If you do then it’s over.” Taeyong laughs incredulously, taken aback by the weird condition, and his mood immediately lifts up, clearly not taking what you’re saying seriously. “Look, Miss, I’m just trying to get fucked. Nobody’s falling in love here, at least not me.” That arrogant smirk was back on his face again. He looked so damn confident. So why was your gut feeling telling you that this is all a huge mistake? “Good.” You say, squashing the feeling down and taking in the beautiful, broken boy. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• A/N: AHHHHHH I’m so excited for this series y’all. This was long overdue. Anticipate a lot of angst with this one. It’s gonna be dark but not in a criminal way, more like a slowly soul-crushing way like THERAPY. ahahahha as always I live off feedback and I’m anticipating your wonderful messages 

[b4kuch1n]

23° off-kilter on the carpet

Here’s the ported version of the Sleep Deprivation Fic (actually most of my fics are sleep deprivation fics because of who I am as a person, but that’s beside the point) just to follow the principle that all of my stuff should have a post on this blog. As of this moment, only mildly proofread because I spotted errors and typos while refreshing the AO3 page repeatedly for an extended period of time.

In which Todd walks in on Dirk laying on the office’s floor, and things go mild from there. 

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Read on AO3

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Dirk was on the floor when Todd arrived at the office. 

Okay, it was less frightening than it sounded. All three of the office’s employees end up on the floor semi-frequently because things just happen to them now apparently, and Todd can count on one hand the amount of times it was anything actually serious. More bad things happen to them while they’re just out walking than when they lay down on the office’s floor, if he’s counting correctly and not just blacking out the terrible parts. It’s refreshing that there’s one thing in their life now that’s not lethal.

Well, that’s not really fair; their life isn’t that bad. It’s just weird. Todd doesn’t mind weird, he’s just deeply branded with being a normal asshole, and now being a weird helper feels… weird. 

Anyway: yes, coming into the office to find one of your partners and friends on the floor would be alarming, if this weren’t Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, and the person on the floor weren’t Dirk, or he were in a more curled up position if it were still him. Dirk’s reactions to bad stimuli and pain, like his sense of style and his bounciness and anything good about him really, are hard-earned and curated, so he’s entitled to letting them run their course, so if he’s in physical pain Todd will get to know. They’ve had that worked out pretty early into their professional dealings. Dirk likes to have conversations, unless he doesn’t. 

Todd has always thought Dirk is a straightforward person once one knows him. People never share his opinion on this, which is weirder than weird, because c’mon: it’s gonna take a lot of actual trying to outdo Todd when it comes to being terrible at people. 

Anyway ; Dirk laying on the floor: not weird. Has happened before, in fact. 

Todd checked the ceiling with a glance just to make sure nothing was tacked on there again (the ceiling was the usual blank cream), and then went to throw his laptop bag onto the couch. “We haven’t swept the floor in, uh, a week,” he said, just to throw it out there. 

Dirk caught it. “Jackets can be dry cleaned.” 

That was more curt than Todd’s used to. 

He came to stand next to Dirk’s arm on the floor. “Sure, you do whatever with your clothes, but we should sweep the floor at least. It’s the,” he checked his phone, “17th.” 

Dirk looked up at him with bleary eyes. 

Todd sighed. “Look, I’m not— I couldn’t care less about dusty carpet, I’m not gonna lie to you, but I don’t wanna disappoint Farah. She’s gonna be tired when she comes back, and if we wanna make our celebration seems genuine we’re gonna have to take care of the minute details too.” 

“Like dusty carpets,” Dirk mumbled. 

“Yeah,” Todd confirmed, crossing his arms in a valiant effort to mimic even a corner of Farah’s authority. 

They stared at each other for a moment, before Dirk looked away and muttered, “Day’s still long.” 

Todd sat down on the floor. He made a face as he lifted the hand he used to support himself on the way down. “Wow— okay, it’s dustier than I thought. It’s like— did we even sweep up after the Buzzer? We didn’t. Of course we forgot. Yeah, so… that’s not just seven days of normal dust—” 

“Please just… give me a minute,” Dirk cut him off, with a noticeable effort to be louder this time, and Todd took a deep breath and looked at him, carefully. His limbs were spread out and stiff, like a straw figure’s. His jacket was slightly damp, and his tie seemed to have flopped into its current, crumpled position when he laid down. He didn’t even move his head when he talked to Todd just then. 

Todd laid down next to Dirk. 

They stayed like that for a minute, then Dirk asked, “Why are you on the floor?” 

“I’m giving you a minute,” Todd mumbled. “Why are you on the floor?”

“Feels like the right amount of impact on my senses,” Dirk replied. “Last time this happened I also laid on the floor, and afterwards the stupid thoughts went away, so I elected to repeat the conditions this time around. Science.” 

That didn’t sound entirely right, but Todd dropped out of college to play guitar for an alt band, so. “What’s the thoughts?” 

“Alright, on review, calling them ‘thoughts’ isn’t very correct, or useful to the conversation. They’re more… feelings. Multiple, numerous, of unidentified frequency, and not lending well to words and sentences.” 

“Okay,” Todd said, “that’s definitely a not-truth at some level.” 

Dirk blew a frustrated breath. “Can’t we let it be? I’m laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. This solution has no hole. The thoughts will go away in a few minutes.” 

Todd let the silence drop for a few seconds there, and then said, as calmly as he could ever be, “But they came back though.” 

They laid there on the ground for another minute as the silence covered them; Todd glued his eyes to the cream ceiling, resolute to not look at Dirk. He could feel Dirk move his arm, and the deep breaths Dirk took. He focused on regulating his own breathing as well; he tends to forget to inhale around Dirk. 

“I don’t feel like a man today,” Dirk said, after the silence was thick enough they could float up to its surface. 

Todd didn’t expect that; he whipped his head over to look at Dirk. Dirk had an arm over his eyes, but the rest of him was maybe even more still than before he spoke. He was expecting a reaction of some kind to his statement, which— okay, that’s how conversations happen, you say something and the other person reacts and you react to that. ‘Twas just that Dirk seemed to be gearing himself up to something negative, which Todd… didn’t know where to land himself with. He wasn’t sure if Dirk knew either. 

One of the conversations Dirk wasn’t thrilled about, then. 

Todd decided to start slow. “Okay, is that a… gender statement, a mood statement, or…?” 

“Mostly gender,” Dirk said immediately, as if he feared Todd would retract the buoy if he didn’t latch onto it fast enough. “I just… sometimes I will feel intensely not like a man. Not in the way that means I’m inadequate to be one, just that I’m not one? It is usually less intense than that, I can just ignore it, but every once in a while it will morph into almost an urge to… rewrite myself. To reshape everyone’s perception of me. Even if it means…” 

Todd cleared his throat when Dirk trailed off and didn’t seem to know how to pick the thread up again. “What’s it mean?” 

“I... “ Dirk swallowed. “Even if it means I’m not human.” 

Todd took a few seconds to process that. Once it was halfway swallowed and he had about two fingers of his brain under his control again, he pushed himself up into a sitting position to stare at Dirk. 

“Okay, that’s— I’m not--” He gestured like a halfway stringed marionette, and then dropped his arm uselessly down to his side when that didn’t clear anything up. “Can you— just. Walk me through it.” 

Dirk removed the arm he had on his eyes to squint at him. 

Todd brought both of his hands up again. “Dirk, you— that’s the least weird thing about you. Or anything. I can say that because this past year has been weird as all fuck, and I can say that because the thirty-two years before it were the exact opposite. Literally after all the shit that happened to us, that’s nothing. Well it’s not, it’s— it’s important to you, so it’s important to me too, and knowing it will change things, I’m sorry I said it’s nothing, it’s that it’s— not weird. ‘S just not.” 

“I’m a tiny bit hurt, thank you, apology accepted,” Dirk said, and his eyes were tracking Todd’s motions now, okay, “and that’s not. Well, it is a part of the point, but also I’m… not normal, am I.” 

“Uh,” Todd said. 

“On many levels. Most people don’t experience the things I do, and really, I haven’t met another person of my same profession. Which is because it is a unique position required by the Universe so as It could move Its pieces around, which I am fine with, I could get used to the excitement, but something… Maybe.” Dirk swallowed. “Can it be too much?” 

“I don’t— I don’t get it.” 

“I’m tailored to a purpose,” Dirk said, and once again he was staring at the ceiling. “A lot of the things I feel are already pumped into me by that. At some point it will dictate whether something about me is necessary or not, and I just… I’m not sure where that point is.” 

Todd could only do more staring while Dirk barreled on with his thoughts to where they were supposed to end up. 

“Maybe it’s already crossed that point,” Dirk said. “Maybe I’m just a tool to be used.” 

“That’s the Blackwing speaking,” Todd said, a bit too hastily, but he felt he needed to. Dirk just exhaled wearily. 

“I know. But they haven’t been wrong about everything…” 

“Dirk,” Todd said, more firmly this time. Dirk looked at him. “They don’t even understand how your thing works. They’re terrible at what they do. You don’t— you’ve lived that firsthand, I don’t even have to tell you all this.” 

It was his turn to take a deep breath now, as he looked at Dirk and Dirk looked back. 

“You showed me weird,” he continued. “The world is fucking weird. Time travel is real, soul is extractable, there’s an eighty-year-old child making whole dimensions with a wave of his hand, my sister’s a witch travelling with energy vampires, I’m sitting here on this dusty as fuck floor talking to you. A year ago I couldn’t even imagine doing that for anyone other than Amanda. We became friends, Dirk. All of that happened.” 

He grabbed Dirk’s hand. 

“You’re human. You’re both human and not-a-man, that’s about par-for-the-course with how weird this shit all is. Honestly, even a bit subpar.” 

“I cannot be spectacularly explosive and entertaining in all areas,” Dirk said. There was a wobbly smile on his lips. Todd let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. “There has to be some specialization happening somewhere.” 

He sat up, a bit shaky, and Todd tugged on his hand. He initiated the hug. Todd couldn’t say he didn’t lean into it; things had been tense for a moment. 

“Thanks for coming out to me, by the way,” he said, just to not be an asshole. “It’s really good to know.” 

“It’s about time for it to happen,” Dirk shrugged into the hug. “It’s been one year already.” 

Todd smiled. “Happy one year of doing this, huh.” 

“Happy one year of doing this.” 

“We should sweep the floor”.

[dave-mech]

A victory that feels like defeat

You know, the mech in my username is not actually because I love airplanes, cars, motorcycles, or even mechas (which you can obviously tell that I do), but because for twelve and a half of the past fourteen year, I have been a mechanical engineering student. Today, that is no longer the case.

From today, and until I breath my last breath, I am mechanical engineer.

Damn long time, I know. 47% of my entire life dedicated to get here. After failing miserably and being kicked out in my first try, pulling my self back together and try on another school, dealing my current school's clunky system, where I had to get first an Associates Degree and the reapply to finish the bachelors, waddling through a hell of bureaucracy to study one of those semesters in Spain, doing two graduation projects while working at least 55 hours a week, while my brain is literally shutting down from a nearly non existent social life, I succeeded. Apparently.

Few times in my life I've felt more defeated than today. Why is that? Because in my current situation, the piece of fancy cardboard that legally calls me an engineer is next to useless. The local job market is mind boggingly idiotic. Right now I have three years of experience as a machinist, and one year of experience supervising machinists. Try to find in any other country an engineer who just graduated and has that much experience unless they had industrial career first and decided to get the degree later to officialize their knowledge. But here in Colombia, I'm regarded as if I had not even finished elementary school. Since my "actual engineering" experience, the supervisor of machinist part, is only a year long, it's worth shit to any potential employer. If you don't have the at least two years of experience they demand in the super specific task they're hiring for, you're invisible. Let's say you have ten years of experience selling pumping equipment. Ah, but you don't have two years of experience selling cranes? get the fuck out of here, why are you even applying for this job?

There's only two ways into a company if you don't have said experience. 1) You know someone there with decision making power about who gets hired or 2)You go to this technical school, do an internship somewhere as a technician; after you graduate, they keep you there and once they kick out someone directly above you for whatever reason, they decide to help you continue your studies so you grow professionally within the company, but always keeping you employed above your current degree so they pay you less than they should for you work.

I think I should've study biology or archaeology, which I would've enjoyed even more than engineering (which I didn't hate) and have more chances of having a fulfilling job as a researcher, because there's actual research in those fields in Colombia, unlike with the underdeveloped industry we have. Who the fuck would've thought that a goddamn engineering was a poor career choice?

Then people from the first world tell me to look for a job abroad. Well that's just another catch 22. Nobody will hire me without a work visa, and I won't be given a work visa without a concrete job offer. I'm stuck in this shithole with its job market ruled by spoiled dumbasses who demand the most absurd requirements from applicants, because they know they can get away with never ever hiring someone who'd they have to give any real training to do the job, God forbid.

Look, I'm not standing still, just bitching, whining, and wallowing in self pity (I mean, I am doing that, but I'm doing more that that). I've already bought supplies, tools and spares to start a small/street based bicycle shop next to my university, since there's none remotely close to the place, and there are literally hundreds of students who commute in their bicycles, plus all the people in the neighbours around the school. A big unattended market and zero competence. But even if this venture is profitable, even so it feels like a defeat. I learned to repair bicycles on my own, after years of commuting on poorly paved roads. My estimations tell me to not expect to earn much beyond minimum wage, which would barely allow me to pay debts while not being a financial burden to my mother and my brother. But even if this is more profitable than expected (which I doubt), it still would feel like a defeat.

It makes me wonder why did I waste half of my life preparing for a profession I will never practice...

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

Blame It On Your Beats (7)

Chapter Content: Fluff, mushy song.

Summary: A brush with the underworld leads you on a run, away from what was supposedly your normal life, with Bucky Barnes. You two do not seem to be in sync as Bucky tries to keep you alive, trying your best not to kill each other. Or that’s what you think you are doing.

Series: contains smut, adult content in there somewhere in the future chapters so please look at the chapter content and warnings before you proceed.

Chapter Warnings: explicit mention of a sexual act.

A/N: This series is written for @littledarlinhavefaithinme ‘s MK Writing Challenge. Thank you so much for hosting. I am having a lot of fun with the prompts. But I am clearly behind schedule. Eep! Thanks for being so patient!

Tags for this fic are open

MASTERLIST

Man, I know that it's hard to digest

But maybe this story ain't so different from the rest

And I know it seems hard to accept

But you've got your demons, and she's got her regrets

Bucky could’ve sworn some part of the universe- or the speakers in the bar, probably- was speaking just for him through those words as he entered the soft space. His eyes took in Zemo the redhead, who now stood behind the bar with his phone unfazed as ever, while a blond man poured out drinks for a couple that sat on the bar. One of the two men who sat there, the tanned one, caught him looking in their direction, giving Bucky a casual nod before he turned his head towards the opposite corner where the booths were. Bucky followed his gaze and saw a familiar leg hanging out from below the corner table, the foot strapped in brown gladiators, the thin laces twisted intricately around it like its own form of art.

And I know that it's hard to digest

I really know this shit is as good as it gets

Looking back at the man, he nodded in gratitude before walking towards the last booth. Towards you.

And I know it seems hard to accept

But you've got your demons, and she's got her regrets

The afternoon sun was blazing through the window, lighting up the table with its invisible flames, making you glow under the purified reflecting rays. You didn’t see him coming, allowing him to catch you scribbling something on a notepad with a pencil- both, the hotel’s property kept at your disposal- while your phone and the earphones still connected to it remained on the table, a bit away from where you sat.

But you've got your demons, and she's got her regrets

Bucky slowed his pace to take in the warmth he watched emanate from you for the first time- even if it was just from the reflecting sun. But just then your burning Y/E/C peaked from under your lashes, making him saunter towards you at what he guessed would be his normal pace.

“Nice shirt,” you commented, pointing the head of your pencil at his sky blue Henley.

“Thanks,” he responded before sitting down to your right, thinking he wanted to keep a measured distance. But what he really wanted was not to block the light from the other side; keep watching you glow like this even though your face carried a sullen taste.

Driving his hands through his hair, he looked at the page you were working on.

“What’s that?”

Your eyes quickly shifted from the paper to him, catching the blue shine at you, making the back of your neck heat up a little. You straightened where you sat, you legs driven back to you as you kept your pencil down and turned the page towards him.

“It’s the symbols on the paper those men were after last night,” you stated, making Bucky turn towards the pad, giving you a window to watch his pale, just-came-out-of-the-shower features, forcing you to catch your breath before it gave away your idiotic musings.

How can someone be so beautiful? You heard your mind.

Didn’t you say that about a centuries-old paper? Your inner voice bounced around in your head.

Yeah, so? He’s a century old too.

Ah! You dirty girl. You do have a type!

Bucky scrunched his nose at the paper, making your heart play the harp with all its strings. “I...this looks more like poetry than symbols. Quite...quite literally.”

You smirked, more for your amusement than his curious eyes that registered the swollen red bags under yours, making a part of Bucky twist at the vivid thought of tears in your eyes.

“I wrote the symbols down as a description that only I can understand. Thought it would seem out of the ordinary if I would just lay it flat over the bar to study it or draw in the notebook,” you admitted, taking the pencil in your hands before the smirk disappeared and a distant look washed over your eyes as you looked at your phone. “You never know who might be watching.”

With an elongated sigh, you passed Bucky a smile before going scratching the back of your neck, paying attention to what was playing in the background.

“I’m sorry.”

Bucky’s coarse words had your full attention, making everything around you pause for the instant you let his words seep through your ears up to your brain.

“What?” you heard yourself whisper.

“I am sorry,” Bucky shifted a little towards you, his voice heavy, “for forcing you into doing something you were not comfortable with.”

Just like the tides outside were washing the shores, you felt something warm wash away a part of the heaviness you had been carrying inside you.

“I should not have lied to you,” he stressed, his eyes weighing the truth inside them, “because one wrong decision and you might have died and it would have been my fault.”

You finally let out all air caught inside you, pressing your lips together to prevent them from trembling.

“I’m sorry for being unnecessarily exhausting about you saving my life,” you professed, trying to meet his gaze but faltering eventually.

“It’s my fault, really,” you pointed out, shrugging as Bucky saw you twist your ring on your finger, “none of this would’ve happened if I never left my dorm, never ran into Lena, never let myself be talked into joining some fucked up brotherhood of the night of these underworld goons-”

Your words began to spill out broken as you continued to babble, making a string inside bucky tighten around his chest as he shifted closer to you.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he whispered as he brought his flesh hand forward to hold your cold one, “stop.”

“Did you know what you were entering into when...Lena introduced you to whatever it was?”

You looked at Bucky’s delicate blue holding your gaze through the haze building up inside your eyes.

You shook your head.

“Did you know it while you were doing their dirty work for them?”

You shook it again. “But I did do it, didn’t I? People are dead because of me, because of what I did. How am I any different from the ones who fire the bullet?”

And at that moment he realised what Steve must have felt when he had first tried to reason with Bucky how any action of the Winter Soldier was not his fault.

“Because you have a conscience,” he declared, never taking his eyes off you, “You knew the moment it all unravelled in front of you that it was wrong. You helped Scott make his security impenetrable. You stopped him from losing his job, his company, his credibility. You are really not the one at fault here, doll. Trust me.”

I think I'll borrow tomorrow's happiness for today

I lent on the cracks of all this love

And it went away

You took in a good lungful of breaths to calm down and let his words penetrate the wall that was building up inside you. His eyes didn’t leave you for a second, making sure you were actually taking his words seriously.

Why did he have to be such a sweetheart? Wasn’t the whole soldier thing enough to send flutters down my existence?

“Thanks, Barnes.” You blinked away your tears, wiping away whatever little fallout was there with your fingers.

Falling I'm falling I'm falling I'm falling down

Falling I'm falling I'm falling I'm falling down

Next to you

“Bucky,” he stated, easing back into the cushioned setting behind both of you.

“Hmm?”

“Well,” he decreed moving his shoulders in a casual shrug as his lips played with a smile that teased your eyes, “considering we are married for the week, I figured you should call me by the name I prefer.”

Pin a string in the middle and tie it to my chest

I'm spinning around your five-mile radius, don't look away

You arched your brows in wonder, a soft smile finding its way on your lips.

“Bucky.” The name came off your lips and tongue like a declaration of its own, making that tightened string inside Bucky’s chest tug a, but it a good way, producing a note of its own.

Falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling down

Falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling down

Next to you

The smile he gave you reached his eyes, crinkling the corners even, making the harp inside you haul repeatedly at that one string as if letting you know you were forgetting how to breathe.

“Here you go, wifey,” he gave you a perfect beam, bending a little towards to you, making you pause somewhat in shock at an unmistakable thought passing through your brain-sending quivers down your spine- before you saw him take out a card from his pant pocket and sit back straight, flushing your insides in embarrassment.

He brought forward a plastic card that had nothing but the name S.I. Black.

“Is that what I think it is?” you took the card in your hands to examine the etched chip on the back covered neatly inside the black matte with the glossy magnetic strip running over it.

“Believe it or not, Stark’s emergency kits come with a credit card.”

You laughed in pure amusement.

“Oh, this has Pepper written all over it,” you chortled.

“My thoughts exactly,” Bucky chimed in.

The next two hours passed in buying drinks and snacks at the bar to fill up your hungry stomachs as you explained to Bucky the significance and interpretation of the symbols and how Eton may have been trying to procure an ancient method of creating a new element for the old parchment or OWL as you, Stark and Banner had started calling it, was one of the many old fragments found from the earliest most stable civilisations of the world that had some really efficient methods of purifying metals, making weapons, chemicals and even new alloys from the most impure metals found inside earth.

All the interpretations you could make out, but what you were not able to work with was that there was no order in the information that was coming out in front of you; it was gibberish if not total chaos. You would have driven yourself down the pit of distress had Bucky not slammed the pad shut and told you to take a break.

He left the booth to get you something to relax your nerves, leaving you to stretch your arms and legs as you tried to settle with your glass of water till he came back, while also inviting a pair of bright and curious eyes to your corner.

The couple you’d seen taking pictures of the shore came towards you, their arms entangled in a casual but loving embrace, carrying beers in their free hands.

“Hi!” the girl with the purple hues in her black hair jumped as she waved at you, pure joy dripping from her form, making you reflect the same warmth she was radiating.

“Hi,” you exclaimed, bringing your hand forward for a shake, “I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Yukio,” she practically sang, “and this is my love, Sonic!”

“‘Sup,” Sonic gave you a nod, clearly not much of a greetings person.

You asked them to join you at your table, thinking it would be a good distraction from the all the riddled symbols your brain was seeing right now.

“Are you also on your honeymoon?” You couldn’t help but smile at Yukio’s unadulterated enthusiasm, making you think it had barely been a minute but you would die for this girl.

“Yeah,” you nodded, trying to control the heat building inside your cheeks, “he just went to the bar to get us some drinks.” You pointed your gaze at Bucky who- as if out of some telepathic connection- turned his head towards you at the same time, waving at the new company you had just found.

Sonic looked at Bucky with a calculated smirk on her dark tinted lips before flicking her eyes towards you.

“Huh,” was all she let out.

“What?” you didn’t want to but her expression was making it difficult for you to hold back the urge to ask her what she was thinking about your supposed man.

“Nice dude?” she asked rather than answering.

“Hells yeah,” you answered.

“Does the dishes?”

“Mm-hmm.” Technically, yes, he did his dishes. No lie there.

“Treats you good?”

“Yup.”

He sat down with me and heard me ramble about my work even though I am sure half of it went above his head, still nodding and listening with the same enthusiasm as he did when I first started. I’d say he’s treating me quite well.

You took your glass in your hand, happy with yourself, trying to hide your smile with the sip of water.

“Gives you head?”

The water gushed the wrong way, forcing out a cough as your nasal passage and lungs ached at the sensation.

Nothing in this world could have prepared you for this.

“Babe!” Yukio gasped as she started rambling something to her girl in Japanese.

Between your coughing fits and Sonic’s disgruntled moans followed by her eyeroll, you could tell she was being told not ask something so personal with someone they’d just met.

But she just stared at you as you tried to clear your throat and persuade Yukio you were fine. Fantastic, even, while your insides were on fire trying to get the image out of your head.

“She’s clearly tensed, babe,” Sonic stated to Yukio before turning back to you with a nonchalant stare, “You could really use some.”

That’s what I’ve been telling her for ages! Your inner voice grew two sizes at those words.

“She could use what?”

You could feel every cell in your body dry up at the sound of a familiar voice standing right behind you.

Bucky sat down beside you, keeping no distance between you two, letting you feel his cold metal right over your overheated arm, as he kept down his drinks and made acquaintances with the pair sitting opposite you.

“I was just telling her that you needed to go down-”

“DOWN to the shore to gather some sea shells!” you nearly shouted into the air around you. “Cheers!” you announced, clinking your drink to every glass on the table before gulping it down altogether.

Yukio pressed Sonic to leave you and Bucky alone but not before the latter gave you a fistbump before leaving.

The alcohol eased your nerves, letting you breathe in a swirl of colours for a second as you felt your accelerated heartbeat finally slow down.

“So…” Bucky eased himself beside you- gulping down his own drink- his arm still in contact with yours, taking away all the unnecessary heat from your flushed body, “what did she mean when she said if I gave you head?”

____________

A careful explanation of how his super hearing worked, a negation of his constant persuasion of telling him what Sonic had meant, his ultimatum of finding it out from someone else in the hotel, you doing a google search and showing him the specific results for the terminology he was intrigued about and a pair of flushed faces drowning in embarrassment later you two were sitting in the lawn at the back of the hotel lit by fairy lights and fire lamps all around you.

Two faces distinctively red, sitting next to each other on the dinner table, speaking nothing, just enjoying their drinks quietly amongst the mushy crowd seated all around you.

Yukio had especially dragged you away from the gathering to apologise for her partner’s straightforwardness, making you melt at her sweetness there and then. And when she did, you tried to find a way to not go back to your seat any time soon, trying to buy as much time as you could to compose yourself; to get that one specific, extremely crisp image of him in between your legs out of your head.

So you found yourself at the boutique where Louise had taken you in the morning, buying whatever decent clothing you could find for yourself that would help you get through the week. You also ended up buying a royal blue sheen shirt for Bucky for no particular reason except for the fact that you could clearly see him pulling it off.

The twenty minutes away from the all the social setup and keeping up the facade helped your nerves to ease up a bit, allowing you to take a mimosa with from the bar before heading outside and playing pretend again.

Everything seemed to have been going smoothly till the fireworks celebrating some local event started.

You had been standing with Louise and Jamal- the man who had been sitting at the bar with his husband this afternoon- talking about your top five most interesting pieces of history when a loud bang had caught you off guard, making you jump while the cocktail had slipped from your trembling hands. All the buried memories of last night resurfaced as another bang ripped the locks holding back the incident splintered at the sound and the vibration pricking at you violently. The eerie eyes with that unsettling smile came back and so did the sound of cracks developing on the glass as those dead grey orbs tried to hammer their way through the barrier keeping you away from his grasp.

You had felt your breathing falter. The heat turning cold with the ocean’s current brazing you, sending disconcerting shivers down your spine. You were trying to hold on to something in the midst of the unfamiliarity engulfing you in the darkness of the night, Louise and Jamal’s repeated worried words not being of much help.

“It’s just the fireworks, sweetie,” Louise persuaded your figure bent by the garden light.

“It’s alright, I got her.” The familiar husky voice found its way through the growing crowd; you waiting for it to hold you up above the surface of the sea of bad recollection that was trying to drown you.

And suddenly just like the first splash of a warm shower running down your aching skin, you felt the familiar hot and cold arms take you in their embrace. You wasted no time of your own to wrap your arms around the familiar frame you had held last night with every last drop of faith inside you.

“I got you. I got you,” Bucky whispered, his voice vibrating through him near your ear buried in his chest, “breathe. It’s okay. Just breathe. I’m here. You’re fine.”

Another firework went off, forcing you to flinch inside Bucky’s hold while he tightened his embrace around you.

“You want to go back upstairs, doll?” he whispered soothingly into your ears.

You nodded, not ready to face anything and anyone else.

“Okay. Alright. Let’s go,” he uttered, his flesh hand easing the goosebumps on the skin of your arm as he wrapped it around you while slowly moving inside the mansion, in the direction of the elevator.

He didn’t bother with the stares or the questions passing as murmurs in the small crowd watching you with keen interest. All he did was grab a bottle of water from the nearest table on his way in from his free arm, the metal files clinking with the glass as you two stepped inside the elevator.

The doors closed and for the first time, you felt the little golden square space to be so welcoming with its haunting silence.

“I-I...uh…” you tried to find words to conjure up a sensible statement to explain him your sudden dissolution in the midst of the dinner party, your mind trying to give him a reason for this precipitous need for his hold, “the um t-the explosion...fire from last night. It was all-”

“Relax,” he whispered near your ear as he rubbed his thumb on your arm, undoing the stretches of the stress right under his touch.

His hold only left you for the moment he had to open the door to the room as you walked inside the space you’d mentally made your own for the next few days and sat down at the edge of the bed.

“Here-” Bucky took out your phone- the earphones still dangling from it- and brought it forward for you to take- “Stark told me some good tunes help you calm down.”

You took the phone from his hands and brought it down in your lap, absent-mindedly pulling at the wire with your fingers.

Bucky stood there, watching you in some deep thought, surprised at the fact that he found himself more at the anguished edges of the cliffs he stood at right now than this morning- when he was sure he couldn’t bear watching you mumble whatever your first thought was, irritating him beyond what he was used to with the rest of the Avengers.

Now, a part of him ached at your silence, wanting to hear you tease him with anything related to deep waters, wishing that you would just charge at him out of the blue just so he could no know you are still here with him.

All he had had in his mind before last night was his image of you with your earphones in, dancing around Banner’s lab while the scientist tried to get your attention, twirling in some deep thought as you would move from one corner of the lab to another to search something, drag your chair, the wheels under it feeling your mood as you would vent out your frustrations on them. All he had known you as was the intern with the headphones, the one who would roam about the halls of the facility at night to go to the kitchen and find some food because- according to Banner- you would make your brain twice than the normal amount, for the research as well as the efforts to keep yourself in sync with the songs inside your head.

Now, you sat in front of him in the dark- the only thing lighting up your features being the yellow glow of the fairy lights gleaming beneath your floor outside the window. It pained Bucky to see you out of your element- and he hated every bit of it.

That’s when the realisation dawned upon him, making him shut his eyes close tightly as he ran his hands through his hair for not grasping it earlier.

He sat down on the edge of the bed beside you, his hands reaching for his pockets in his jeans, coming out, shifting in the dark before he took in a long breath for the things he was about to say.

“Do you know his name?”

The edge in Bucky’s words brought you back to the present, making you turn towards the blue that was dilated in the dark, reflecting the pale yellow at the rims of his pupils like rings of fire burning inside him.

“Did he tell you his name?”

Your hand went back to the tracker around your finger, turning it round and round, before visiting your memories to find what Bucky was looking for.

“His chatroom name was Dex790. I’m guessing it stood for Dexter but that probably would be his code name or something.”

“What did he look like?”

“Bucky, I don’t-”

“Please,” he begged, the fire inside his oceans burning darker, “just tell me.”

For a second you wanted to be scared by the latent rage you saw inside him, but no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t bring yourself to hate him.

“Blonde, Caucasian, square jaw but he had a small face and grey eyes. Like...like they were dead. He had these...perfect white teeth like way too white. Abnormally white. And a very light scar right here, in front of his left ear.”

He nodded in satisfaction at you before dipping his head in his lap.

That’s when you first noticed the light glowing from his phone in his fingers there.

“Did you get that?” he asked, looking at the phone.

“Got it,” Steve’s voice came over the speakers, “Friday’s already begun the search. We’ll get him, Y/N.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Natasha’s faint voice called from a distance, “don’t let the metal guy scare you, okay? He looks threatening but he’s just a fluffy bunny on the inside.”

Bucky snorted at the phone; you could clearly see his cheeks turn colour even in the dim lighting.

“Oh, I think I am the one who’s been scaring him for the last twenty-four hours, Natasha,” you quipped, stretching the corner of your lips before tucking your hair back behind your ear.

“Ooooh,” Sam howled from somewhere, “can I please take her out for coffee when she comes b-”

Bucky cut the call before you could hear how it ended, throwing the phone over to the couch before turning back to your hands still fiddling with your earphones.

“He won’t harm you, Y/N,” Bucky tried to reassure you.

“He was quite clear he wanted to kill me, Bucky,” you countered.

“You think I’d let him?” he retorted, shutting you up with the resolve in his eyes making an unprecedented spirit wash over you.

“Don’t let the fear he created inside your head stop you from doing what you love, Y/N,” he declared in a heavy whisper, making you turn your gaze towards your phone.

“Every time I think of putting on my headphones, all I can think about is him standing behind me, waiting in some corner before I catch him looking,” you croaked, your hands feeling a little tremble in your hands on speaking out your worst thoughts into the air.

“Then let me deal with half of it,” he declared, your eyes following his pale hands as he untangled the beautiful mess and gave you one while keeping the other with himself.

“Now, put on whatever it is that you hear,” he insisted as he secured it in his ear.

A chuckle left your lips, catching him off guard as he stilled his presence to finally breathe in your placid happiness.

“Nah, I don’t think you’ll like it,” you surmised as you opened your phone and then quickly closed it.

“Come on, try me,” he moaned, making you curse at the hum that vibrated down your core that made you bite down on your lips.

Taking one good gulp of air, you opened up your collection and put on your playlist titled I Wonder What The Winter Sun Looks Like.

A click echoing in the ear invites a soothing guitar solo for the two of you.

Alone in a crowded room

My eyes will search for you

You looked at Bucky’s eyes reflecting the waxing moon in the strings of his perfect blues, wondering what you were doing here in his company at this moment when a few weeks earlier you had been sitting at the other end alone with your dark thoughts never even thinking you could actually be in the company of a man who could put the Gods to shame, let alone be comforted by his warm embrace.

Abandoned by my company

I’ll search for what’s in front of me

And hope that I find something new

Bucky was having the same thoughts, wondering how a girl he barely knew a few days ago was becoming more than just a passing thought in his mess of a mind. But you were becoming a delicious heated mess, everything from your eyes to your lips- oh those beautiful lips parted in some wandering thought.

My heart is like the ocean searching

Searching for the shore I’m learning

There must be something more than dreaming

The ocean outside rebelling against the rocks no longer bothered the two of you as you were tired to understand these bizarre torrents building up inside your hearts.

This heart of mine is tired

But my feet will not retire

The alcohol will not suppress

The fear of death and loneliness

I know that I’m not alone

You felt your body let go of a rope inside you preventing you to loosen up in front of your company and found yourself leaning back on to the mattress, letting your body drop onto the feathery lump, ready for it to take away all your stress. You didn’t know what he would think of it, what he would make of it. You just lay there in your state, as you wanted to.

My heart is like the ocean searching

Searching for the shore I’m learning

There must be something more than dreaming

The bed dipped beside you, Bucky’s body coming down next to you, facing you like it was the most obvious thing to do. You too turned your body towards him, the words coming out of the song still intact inside your senses.

I’ve wrestled with the truth for quite some time

But I’ve been drowning in this restless mind

Bucky found himself loosening his own masks in your presence. Watching your fragile gaze searching for something he found riling up in his own stomach. A previously unobserved flutter.

I'm sick of being so unsatisfied

Tell me that the answer’s right

God are you awake at night?

'Cause I've been abandoned by my company

I’ll search for what’s in front of me

And hope that I find something new

You wondered if you were the only one feeling these sensations your voice had been teasing you about the entire time. Was this the thing you were concerned about when you first found yourself in this room with him this morning?

My heart is like the ocean searching

Searching for the shore I’m learning

There must be something more than dreaming

Abandoning all things that were sullen to your minds, both of you find the solace in the soothing songs cradling your hearts in their tunes, the sleep finally coming for both of you as your bodies let the sands of slumber work the magic twice as fast in each other’s company.

My heart is like the ocean searching

Searching for the shore I’m learning

There must be something more than dreaming

Continued Here