#fuck...i almost never shout into the void

[kindnessinmonsters]

what does having faith mean in a decentralized religion?

i was raised in a very high demand form of christianity. i had to relearn what 'having faith' even means.

i was raised to believe that having faith meant having blind obedience. kneeling, bowing, scraping, bending my head to a god who, at the end of the day, didn't know me. I was miserable. i obeyed my elders, i believed in their morality, i absorbed their stories and did my best to apply them to my life, and i was an anxious terrified mess of a child with a stick so far up my ass i could taste it in the back of my tongue. i was so scared of screwing up and ending up outcasted into outer darkness that i would have given the christian god everything i had in me.

never mind that my very skin was literally a curse, according to my church. never mind that my heart was capable of love they could never understand. never mind that i couldn't be daughter and wife and mother.

...until i couldn't ignore it any more. i looked the god of my youth and told him to his face that i deserved better than him. i could be more than what he planned for me.

when i left my church, i had to rebuild the ruins of myself from scratch. i had to dig down deep and ask myself what i wanted out of life. who was i without the church?

turns out, i'm a guy that talks to the moon when he can't sleep. turns out, i dream of devils and gods and lightning in the dark. turns out, i can search deep in my history and find gods lurking there.

i invited the gods to sit at the table of my life. i share my stories with them and they share theirs with me. my offerings are given like meals between friends. they proved themselves to me a long time ago, in dreams and in the world, but i think even without that i am a better person for being a pagan. understanding loki especially has made me braver, kinder, and so much more determined to chase what i want in life. i am so much more willing to embrace change (it's still not easy for me, but i put in the work)! would it be the same for you?

there's such a huge emphasis on having the gods prove themselves in pagan circles, and i get it! i did the work to do that too! but maybe the more important question is who are you with them in your life?

who do you want them to be to you?

for me, doubt was never a question of 'is god real' or 'is there a higher power?' i would pose a more relevant question: what would it mean for you if the gods weren't real? or wasn't there?

would you still feel like including them in your life was worth the time and effort and faith? who are you with them? who are you without them?

even if it turned out that none of it was real, even if there's nothing in death but darkness, i would still think it was worth it. i am better for having faith in my life. i can stand in the middle of a storm and call it by its name. i sit in the middle of a crowd of my friends and swap stories with the people i love and gods, those moments are holy.

Religion, spirituality, having faith, it's all living poetry and you are the subject. what themes are you going to explore?

[selfcarecap]

Insatiable [L.H.]

Pairing: Logan Howlett x female!reader

Summary: Down in the void, where you can find all sorts of dangerous things, you didn’t expect a flower that makes you horny to be your biggest problem. Luckily, Logan is there to fuck that overwhelming feeling out of you.

Warnings: smut 18+, unprotected piv sex, oral (f receiving), spitting and hair pulling (reader pulls Logan’s hair) but just for a split second </3, dub con because of sex pollen but they want each other either way, Logan calls reader baby and good girl during sex, mention of masturbation (f), Wade watches them fuck technically without consent but it’s not mentioned until the end and it’s more of a joke, set during Deadpool & Wolverine but no major spoilers I just used a different gif because Logan is annoyed at Wade in every single one from that film lmao, Wade being Wade, Logan is taller than the reader, age gap implied (well actually it’s not implied but I’m telling you Logan’s older lmao), all porn no plot

Word Count: 3.4k

first Logan fic 🤭 pls be nice <333 

˚✮*✧*˚☆˚*✧

It shouldn’t shock you that the void is full of weird things — you came here with a mutant and a … well, whatever the fuck Wade is, after all. Yet, you’re still surprised when, on your way back from finding some bushes to pee in, you end up tripping over something and getting addicted to the smell of some glowing plant. 

The flower is bright pink and smells like your favourite perfume. You’re on all fours at this point, your face buried in the bud as you inhale its sweet, sweet scent. 

“What is she doing?” Logan asks from afar, an eyebrow raised in confusion. 

“Yoga?” Wade offers. Logan throws him a look — not helpful. 

Logan makes his way to you; the closer he gets the brighter the plant glows. This can’t be good. He calls your name when he gets to you but you’re in a trance, you don’t even seem to hear Logan. You’re humming — no, moaning?— to yourself, arching your back and lowering yourself to your forearms. 

He pulls you up by your arm and almost flinches at your sudden outburst. “Let me go!” You shout, hitting his chest, and when you look up at him your pupils are so large Logan isn’t sure it’s really still you in there. 

You go to slap Logan so you can get back down but his hand slides down your arm to hold your wrist, his other hand at your waist to keep you in place. 

“Look at me,” Logan orders and, oh you’re looking at him. 

The smell the plant was giving off wasn’t your favourite perfume at all, you realise, it was the smell of Logan. A hint of his aftershave, a little bit of sweat, and all that manly musk. You realise you need him right now. 

You involuntarily arch your back to get closer to him, your chest against the hard of his suit. He’s looking down at you, a mixture of worry and confusion. You reach up to claw at Logan’s collar but he easily holds you off. 

“You okay, bub? What was that?” He looks down to kick at the plant and as it breaks off at the stem the plant gives off a last shake of glittery dust, grows grey, and then dies. You slowly turn your head from the floor to Logan’s face — he’s wearily awaiting your next move. 

“I’m not okay, Logan. I need you right now,” you pull at his collar once more but he has you in a tight grip at the waist — which does nothing but turn you on more. 

“Wade! Come here,” Logan calls, and you see a flicker of red in your periphery coming towards you, but you don’t take your eyes off the man in front of you. 

When you stand still for a few seconds, that’s when the ache really hits you. You clench around nothing and you’re suddenly aware of how wet you are. You’ve never needed to come so badly in your life, but Logan’s got you held firmly in place, no matter how much you squirm. 

Wade sees the plant immediately, even greyed out and dead, “What’s this?” He walks towards it. 

Logan grabs Wade’s arm. “Don’t,” he grits.

With only one of his arms on you, you take the chance to reach up at Logan’s face, try to kiss him, but his hand is back on you before you can even get on your tiptoes. You let out a pained moan and both their heads snap towards you. 

“She was smelling that flower. Now she’s..” Logan looks down at you, which intensifies your need, but he’s careful of what to say. You only met a few days ago and he doesn’t want to humiliate you, doesn’t know how deep down the real you is by now. 

“Horny?” Wade asks, looking at you, “Holy shit, girl, look at your eyes. See, a woman after my own heart. That’s exactly how I look at Logan too—“

“Wade!” Logan shouts, jaw clenching, “We need to get her somewhere safe.”

“Don’t need anywhere safe. Need you,” you mumble, attempting to free yourself from Logan’s grip. He’s so effortlessly strong it makes your mouth water and the place between your thighs even wetter. 

Wade bends down, careful not to get too close to the plant, assessing it. “Easy. It’s sex pollen.”

“What the fuck is that?” Logan half-shouts.

“Have you never read fanfiction? It makes you crazy horny until you’re fucked by the person you’re into the most,” Wade explains, then sighs, looking at you, “Sad that it’s not me, sugarcakes, I’ll be honest.” 

You ignore him, still attempting to get out of Logan’s grasp to climb him like a tree.

Logan groans at Wade, “Do you ever shut the fuck up?”

“No, have you met me?”

Suddenly you’re lifted off the ground and Logan slings you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing at all. His arm grips you just below your ass, and it makes you clench your thighs together, trying to get any type of friction. You attempt to get down but his arm only tightens around your legs and even though your entire upper body is free, hanging off the back of him, you’re helpless. 

-

You squirm and wriggle and moan but all to no avail. Logan’s ignoring you. You feel your underwear getting wetter with his every step and breath and movement, and you’re sure he must be able to smell you at this point. 

Your arousal has turned into nothing other than a pulsing pain and you feel tears springing to your eyes with your sexual frustration. You mumble Logan’s name but you’re too weak to really say anything, too weak to even try and get out of his grasp anymore.

A shadow is cast over you and you see the sand under you turn into a solid floor. Suddenly you’re being lifted back up and Logan sits you on top of a table. You’re in a… diner? You don’t really care, filled with a new energy as you see Logan towering over you, concern written on his face – concern you’re ready to turn into lust.

You sit up with force, ready to pounce on him, but he pins you back to the tabletop immediately, his big arms holding your wrists down.

“Don’t wanna do that, sweetheart,” – the nickname makes you moan right in his face, hips trying to arch up but he’s too far – “We’re gonna need you to calm down, okay? And we’re gonna wait it out.”

“No,” you begin to shake your head quickly, giving Logan your best puppy eyes, “I can’t wait. Need to cum. I’m so wet, Logan. Please.”

“As much as I wish it wasn’t, that’s my cue to leave,” Wade waves, whispering, “I hope you think of me when you come” (you’re not sure if he’s saying it to you or to Logan) and walks out the door.

Logan is distracted for a second, watching Wade leave, and you yank your hand out of his grasp to unzip the front of your suit and push a hand into your underwear. You cry out when you finally get to touch your clit, puffy and wet all over, and for a second Logan can’t keep his eyes off your panties. His gaze lands on your tits almost spilling out of your bra from all the movement and then he takes hold of your wrist once again.

“I’m gonna leave and then you can touch yourself all you want, hm? That sound like a plan?” Logan says, voice quiet and hoarse and all you can do is shake your head at him.

“‘S not gonna be enough. Need you. Please,” you moan again, and you see him clench his jaw in restraint.

“I can’t, you know I can’t. Don’t know if you’d want this otherwise. Wouldn’t be right of me.”

You somehow manage to yank his hand down with yours and shove it into your panties.

“Does this feel like I don’t want you, Logan? You’re all I want. Been making myself come every day since I met you wishing it was you instead.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, baby, don’t know what you’re asking for,” Logan’s voice is strained. His thumb starts rubbing your clit instinctively, as if he can’t control himself. He moves slightly to get a better angle and you see the bulge pressing against his pants. He’s so big you moan out his name loud enough to echo through the building.

“Know exactly what I’m asking for. Please, Logan. It’s not gonna stop until you make me come. I’m begging you.” He looks at you with uncertainty. Then he’s pulling your arms out of your suit and ripping the rest down your legs.

“I’m gonna make you come, okay? I’ll eat your pussy as many times as you need me to. That alright?” He kneels in front of you and pulls you to the edge of the table. 

You want to ask him to fuck you but all you can manage to say right now is to let out a whiny “Mhmmm.”

Logan wastes no time taking one of your thighs over his shoulder and pulling your soaked panties to the side. He looks ready to surrender and give you what you really need but he stays firmly in his place.

“Look what a mess you’ve made, baby. Such a pretty fucking pussy. I’ll make you feel better, okay? ‘M gonna make you come.” 

Without another word his tongue is on you, licking broadly over your clit and then sucking as much as he can into his mouth. You arch your back and press your hips into his face. His hands come to the top of your thighs to hold you down, palms hot against your skin. 

“Feel good?” He mumbles against your pussy and you sit up on your elbows. 

“So fucking good, Logan. Don’t stop. Please,” you whimper as you look at his face buried in your pussy. He licks into you, nose pressed against your clit and you can’t help but buck your hips. 

“Look how sweet you are, saying please every time. Such a good girl.” He’s inhaling you hungrily now, sloppy in his movements from how turned on he is but it’s not stopping you from feeling good. 

You just need friction. And he’s giving you that, but then he’s licking all the way up from your pussy over your clit, through your pubic hair and up to your belly button — just to tease you. He smirks up at you and you push his head back down; he happily obliges, but not before reaching out one of his big strong hands to settle on your breast, thumb hooking under the top of your bra to play with your nipple. 

“Taste so fucking good, baby. Can’t get enough,” he breathes as he begins to suck on your clit and starts moaning himself. 

It occurs to you then that the pollen in your arousal or in your sweat might be making him lose his mind too. With the way he’s almost painfully squeezing your thigh with one hand and your boob with the other, you’re sure.

Logan groans with a mouthful of you between his lips, your sensitive clit swollen against his tongue. He moans something into you that you can’t understand, but the vibration of his voice pushes you close to the edge.

“Fuck, gonna come,” you whimper loudly, your hips chasing his face.

You finally tip over the edge, your orgasm ripping through you with an intensity you’ve never experienced before.

But it’s over as fast as it started.

You push your hand between your legs to relieve the ache again but you know it won’t be enough. Logan stands up and wipes his mouth, glistening with your arousal. “Y’need me again?”

You shake your head as you squirm without his presence between your thighs. “Please fuck me, Logan. I can’t take it anymore, need you inside me.” As you say it you clench around nothing, the pulsing between your legs insatiable. You start fucking yourself with your fingers, but it’s not nearly enough – you need something bigger, much bigger, and you have a feeling he can provide that.

The pollen seems to take over for Logan as well, and he finally stops arguing. He pulls off his suit and you silently curse him for not doing that earlier. Seeing those muscles is providing more relief than your fingers inside you. You feel like you could come just from the sight of his big, hard cock alone. It’s exactly what you need.

You slip out of your bra that’s almost sticking to your skin with how hot you feel and Logan roughly rips your panties down your legs.

“You really want this?” He asks as he steps between your thighs, jerking off and rubbing the tip against your clit.

“Mmhm yesyes, need you so badly. Please Lo–” you both gasp when he fills your pussy at once. It’s a feeling that brings you close to orgasm immediately and makes you grab him to pull him closer. Logan momentarily slips out of you again to crawl onto the table, pull you across it and wrap your legs around his hips.

“So fucking hard for you,” he mumbles as he pushes back into your slick pussy. You’re both mesmerised by the sight of him starting to fuck into you, your pussy stretching around him with what is the best feeling you’ve ever had. It burns because he’s so big, but it’s a good type of pain.

You grab the hair at the back of his head for support, and he moans at your grip. It angles his face towards yours and you look into each other’s eyes for a split second before his mouth finds yours. You’re biting and licking at his lips and he growls back against you, holding your lower lip down to spit into your mouth, his animalistic nature taking over.

His hips rut against yours faster as your kiss gets more desperate. You lean your head back in pleasure, hitting the table, but you barely register the pain. Distracted by how good his big cock feels so deep in your pussy you don’t even notice his hand coming up under your head to cushion it.

“There you go,” he whispers, looking down at you. Your eyes meet and for a second you smile at his care. You tip your head right back down into his hand when he starts kissing down your neck, his free hand pushing up one of your tits to wrap his lips around the nipple. 

The way he runs his tongue over your nipple has you moaning and grabbing onto his hair once more. You need to feel the heat of his body so you wrap your arm around the back of his shoulders until he’s desperately fucking into you with your chests pressed together.

It should be too warm with the way your bodies are intertwined but Logan looks down to lick the sweat on your neck right up and sucks on the skin there right after. The added stimulation makes your hips buck up and Logan sneaks a hand back to your clit, messily rubbing until he has you coming again and you’re both moaning at how hard your pussy clenches around him.

You think for a second that Logan’s going to come with you but he manages to resist the temptation, biting into your shoulder instead. But that second in which it almost felt like he was coming was the calmest you’ve felt in hours at this point. You realise that maybe it’s him who needs to come for you to feel better. But you’re too horny to say any proper words to explain it to him.

Logan pushes himself up to look at your face but he doesn’t have to ask if you still need more. Your pupils are as wide as before.

“Pussy’s still so hungry for me, baby, hm? So fucking desperate,” he repositions your hips and starts fucking into you at a different angle, your wet pussy so loud against him. This time you feel his dick pushing against your g-spot and he has you gasping at the new sensation, pulling you by the hips to aid his thrusts.

“P-Please come inside me, Log– uh-Logan,” you manage to say.

Logan looks down at you and places a hand under your ass, squeezing you there, “Baby, I got stamina for the entire night. Not stopping til you’re satisfied.”

“Just do it, need you”, is all you can get out as he continues to rut his hips against yours.  

“Alright. I got you, baby, I got you,” he rasps, making sure to hit your g-spot over and over until you’re arching your back, biting into his bicep that’s propped next to your face, to deal with the amount of pleasure coursing through you.

A gasp turns into an orgasm and as soon as you clench around Logan he lets go too. “God, baby, so fucking tight for me. Such a good girl. Gonna come–”

You hold onto Logan tightly, your arms wrapped around his neck as he fucks into you, filling you with ropes and ropes of his cum as you keep clenching around his big cock. You can feel him so deeply in you that your most primal urges are finally starting to calm down and you feel the last waves of pleasure flow through you as he comes his final drops.

Logan drops onto his elbows that are positioned next to your head, and, instinctively, you take his face to kiss him. He kisses you back so intensely that you don’t even have to consider whether he still wanted to kiss you now that the sex is over.

“You okay?” He asks when you let go of his lips.

“Yeah,” you nod, noticing that the ache is finally, finally gone now that you’ve both come together, “thank you, Logan.”

“My pleasure,” he smirks and places a more innocent kiss on your mouth. You untangle yourselves from each other in slow movements, unsure what places you’re sweating from and need to clean up.

-

“Do you regret it?” Logan asks you a few minutes later, cleaned up and clothed, with his arm around your waist to support you – you can barely stand – as you go outside to look for Wade.

“No. But thanks for making sure so many times… Do you regret it?”

Logan’s smile tells you everything you need to know but he still tells you, “Not one bit.”

You smile but then become more serious. “Sorry that you had to experience that,” you mumble.

“What do you mean? You’re apologising for that?”

“Didn’t you feel the pain too? I thought the effect of the pollen might have somehow been contagious.”

He almost looks bashful when he looks down at you, “No, you just turn me on like fucking crazy.”

You smile down at the floor until you see a shadow. Wade comes around the corner of the diner. 

You draw your eyebrows together. “You’re telling me you actually left?”

“There’s no way you didn’t stay to watch us,” Logan adds.

“No, of course I stayed but I came ages ago. I was forced to be with my own thoughts while you kept going… and going.”

Logan rolls his eyes as Wade walks on, “What do you think, we–”

“And going…”

“Wade.” Logan warns, turning to you again, “How about we get this shit done with Wade and then go to your place and do this all over again?”

You giggle, “I like the sound of that.”

☆.｡.:*support a writer and reblog and comment if you enjoyed, I appreciate it a lot <333.｡.:*☆

[wiredelta]

my brain is constantly abuzz and the memories of feelings from when I first started experimenting are all flooding back

[iconchae]

SAY YES, yjw | 18+

PAIRING: bf ! yang jungwon × gf ! female reader. . . GENRE: angst, smut, slight fluff (?). . . SYNOPSIS: jungwon would never fully understand the depth of your pain or the weight of your struggles, but he can’t stand seeing you suffer alone. desperate to be close to you, he crosses all boundaries, his comforting words quickly turn into passionate actions as the two of you learn ‘things’ together and experience them. . . WARNING(S): kisses, nsfw, contains cuss words, mdni, smut, angst, too much plot lol, blowjob, handjob, pussy eating, cum eating, protected sex, inexperienced, mentions of abuse, shower sex, unprotected sex, slapping, mentions of suicide, lmk if I missed anything. . . WORD COUNT: 12k+

rina’s note: i wanted to make this a long fic so here I am, I hope i didn't bore y’all out by going into the depths of it all. I kind of changed the main plot so it is more of a ‘trying sex for the first time’ typa thing. there's too much plot, skip if you want straight up smut— ig so

Jungwon’s heart pounded in his chest as he stared at you, standing dangerously close to the edge of the cliff, the wind whipping your hair wildly around your face. His voice trembled as he called out, his throat dry with fear. "Are you crazy?" His eyes were wide, filled with both disbelief and panic as you stood on the precipice, one step away from a deadly drop.

You didn’t turn to look at him, your gaze fixed on the vast, open sky in front of you. The horizon blurred into a dull mix of oranges and reds, a sunset that should’ve been beautiful, but for you, was nothing more than a backdrop to your despair. “Yeah, say whatever you want. I’ll be gone soon,” you replied quietly, your voice hollow, void of any emotion.

Jungwon’s body tensed as you lifted your foot, hovering over the edge, contemplating the final step that would send you plummeting into the abyss. His heart raced even faster, his pulse pounding in his ears. "Come back here!" he yelled, panic lacing his words, but his plea went unheard as you teetered closer to the edge, ready to give up on everything. Time seemed to slow as he watched your figure leaning into the nothingness, and in that split second, his body moved on instinct.

He surged forward, grabbing your arm with a desperate force and yanking you back against him just as your toes grazed the empty air. The impact of your body colliding with his chest knocked the breath out of both of you, and you were pressed firmly against him, his arms wrapping around your waist in a fierce grip.

"Fucking stupid!" he shouted, his voice breaking as his breath came in ragged gasps. You could feel his chest heaving against your back, his grip on you so tight it was almost painful, but you didn’t struggle. Instead, you stood frozen in his arms, reality finally sinking in—what you had almost done, what he had just saved you from.

He pulled you further away from the cliff’s edge, his hands trembling slightly as he guided you back toward the safety of the school terrace. The sun had dipped lower, casting long shadows across the ground, but the warmth of the day still lingered in the air. It felt at odds with the cold, hollow feeling in your chest.

Once you were both far from the cliff’s edge, Jungwon spun you around to face him, his eyes searching yours, a mixture of anger, fear, and relief swirling in his dark gaze. "Why the hell did you even try to end your life?!" he demanded, his voice louder than usual, raw and broken.

You blinked, the weight of the moment crashing down on you like a wave. His question hung in the air, sharp and accusatory, and you realized just how close you had come to the edge—physically, mentally. A lump formed in your throat as you fumbled for words, guilt and shame suddenly overwhelming you. “But… everything is a mess…”

Jungwon’s expression softened for a fraction of a second before hardening again, his brows furrowed in frustration. “And you think a mess can’t be picked up and cleaned?” His words were harsh, almost biting, but there was something else underneath—a desperation to make you see reason, to pull you back from the darkness that had consumed you.

You gave a bitter laugh, shaking your head as your eyes dropped to the ground. "You’re saying it like it’s so simple. You’re saying it from a third-person point of view. You don’t know what it feels like. How could you possibly—"

"Just shut up." His voice cut through your words like a knife, his hands still gripping your arms, though his hold had loosened, his fingers less tense now. His lips were pressed into a thin line, and he looked like he was fighting back his own emotions, trying to stay strong for both of you.

The silence that followed was thick, the only sound being the faint rustling of leaves in the breeze. His jaw clenched as he stared at you, disbelief still etched into his features. How could his best friend—someone who had always seemed so strong, so put-together—be standing here, on the verge of throwing everything away? How could you even consider doing this?

You finally glanced up at him, your voice small. “You’re mad at me.”

"Damn right, I’m mad," Jungwon muttered, his fingers tightening just a little on your arms, but not enough to hurt. “I’m mad because you didn’t even talk to me. Because you tried to handle this on your own, and now—” He stopped, his throat constricting as his gaze softened. “I’m mad because I almost lost you."

Your breath hitched at the raw honesty in his words, and you suddenly felt a pang of regret. The depth of his feelings, the fear in his eyes—it hit you all at once. You had been selfish, you realized. Caught up in your own pain, you had forgotten that there were people who cared, people who would be devastated if you were gone.

“I’m sorry…” The words fell from your lips in a whisper, barely audible, but Jungwon heard them. He exhaled slowly, his shoulders relaxing just slightly, though his eyes never left yours.

“Just promise me you won’t do this again,” he said quietly, the desperation in his voice still lingering. His hand slid from your arm, his touch gentle now as if afraid you might break.

You nodded, the weight of everything still heavy on your chest. “I promise.”

For the first time since he pulled you back from the cliff, Jungwon’s lips curved into a small, relieved smile. “Good. Because I’m not letting you go that easily.”

But did that change anything? Not really. Even as your best friend, Jungwon, kept calling, you declined every single one of his attempts to reach out. His name would light up your phone screen, his calls persistent at first, but you couldn’t bring yourself to answer. The guilt gnawed at you, yet somehow, avoiding him felt easier than facing the weight of everything that had happened.

Days bled into weeks. You hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that day on the cliff. The school holidays provided a convenient escape, no awkward encounters in the hallways, no forced conversations during lunch. You didn’t have to see his concerned eyes or hear the questions you weren’t ready to answer.

But it also left you alone. And that isolation, once a refuge, slowly began to feel suffocating.

A sharp sting burned on your cheek, then another, each slap more painful than the last. You felt it deep in your bones—this was abuse. But how could you speak against your own father? The man who provided you a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes on your back. The man who was supposed to protect you but instead delivered blow after blow.

You lay curled up in your small room, the door locked behind you. The walls felt like they were closing in, suffocating you in this place that should’ve been a home but had turned into a prison. The muffled sounds of your mother’s cries filled the air from just outside your door, followed by the sickening thud of fists. You flinched, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself, as if it could block out the horrors on the other side of the door.

Then your phone buzzed, pulling you from the moment, an unknown number flashing across the screen. You hesitated but answered, desperate for a distraction, for anything to take you away from this nightmare, if only for a second.

“Don’t even think about declining this,” a familiar voice spoke through the line, low and firm. Jungwon.

Your breath hitched. How had he found out?

"Can I come over now?" His question was soft but edged with concern, and yet, your heart sank at the thought. You froze, your grip tightening around the phone as you glanced toward the door where the sounds of violence persisted. No, he couldn’t see this. You couldn’t let him witness the chaos behind these walls.

“No... I’m really fine, Jungwon.” The lie tasted bitter on your tongue.

There was silence on the other end, then a harsh sigh. “Stupid girl, I can hear you sobbing.”

His voice was gentle despite the harsh words, the contrast making your chest ache. The tears you had tried so hard to hold back fell freely now, soaking your pillow. You bit your lip, trying to muffle the sobs. The last thing you needed was for him to hear more of your weakness.

“Please,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “Just don’t bother me.”

And with that, you ended the call.

You buried your face deeper into the pillow, as if it could absorb the agony that threatened to spill over. You couldn’t drag him into this mess. Jungwon deserved better than the broken shards of your life. He didn’t need to see the shattered pieces of your family or the way you crumbled beneath the weight of it all. He couldn’t fix it. No one could.

Outside, the noise continued, your mother’s cries piercing through the air, but you pressed your hands over your ears, trying to block it out. You curled into yourself, wishing—praying—that somehow, you could disappear.

The days stretched into weeks, and soon enough, six months had passed. Six long months of silence, of unanswered calls and unread messages. You thought you could avoid the inevitable, thought you could lock yourself away from the world and from him. But luck has never been on your side.

It was just an ordinary evening. You were alone, waiting for a pizza delivery. The knock on the door came just as you expected, and without thinking, you rushed to answer, already imagining the cheesy comfort waiting inside the box.

"Pizza?" you murmured absentmindedly as you reached out, grabbing the box from the man standing there in a red cap. You didn’t even spare him a glance. After all, the bill had already been paid online. You were about to close the door when a foot wedged itself in, stopping it from shutting all the way.

Before you could even react, the man pushed the door open. Panic surged through your veins, your heartbeat quickening as you were about to scream—but then he ripped off the mask and cap.

“Jungwon?” His name left your lips in a confused whisper.

He stood in your apartment now, locking the door behind him, his face a mixture of frustration and exhaustion. “What the hell?” you muttered, still trying to make sense of what was happening.

“I should be the one saying that!” he snapped, his voice louder than you'd ever heard it. He took a step closer, and you instinctively backed away. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you block me? It’s been six fucking months!” His words echoed in the small space, anger laced with hurt.

You couldn’t meet his gaze. Guilt clawed at your insides as you stared at the floor, your voice small, barely audible. “I—”

“You what?” he interrupted, his voice softening only slightly. “You should’ve come to me instead of shutting me out. I care about you. Do you get that?” His words were raw, the emotion clear as he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. His breath was warm against your neck as he buried his face in your shoulder, holding you like he was afraid you’d slip away again.

That’s when it happened—the sob. It came out of nowhere, and before you could stop it, tears were streaming down your cheeks, your body trembling in his arms.

Jungwon froze. He hadn’t meant to make you cry. “Wait, did I... did I yell too much?” His voice cracked slightly, unsure and a little panicked. But then, as he pulled away to look at you, his eyes caught something else—a dark bruise peeking out from under the sleeve of your shirt. His expression shifted, concern and anger mixing together.

“Was it... your dad?” he asked quietly, his eyes searching yours for an answer.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the words, so you just nodded, tears still flowing as you pressed your face into his chest again, the sobs shaking your whole body. Jungwon stiffened, helpless in the face of your pain. It wasn’t the first time. He’d seen the marks before, felt the weight of your silence over the months.

He didn’t know what to do, not really. He wasn’t good at handling these things—feelings, emotions. So instead, he did what he always did when words failed him. He reached for the pizza box.

“Hey... let’s eat,” he mumbled, trying to sound lighthearted, though his voice was still thick with worry. “The pizza’s gonna get cold.”

You sniffled, wiping your eyes as you glanced at the box. He was right—who could say no to food, especially pizza? Jungwon sat you down on the couch, his hand resting gently on your shoulder as if afraid you might break. He wiped the last of your tears with the sleeve of his jacket, his touch careful, almost tender.

The box opened with a familiar squeak, and the smell of melted cheese and garlic filled the room, momentarily lifting the heavy atmosphere. He picked up a slice, the cheese stretching from the crust, and held it out to you.

“Come on,” he coaxed gently, holding the slice up to your lips. You hesitated, still sniffling, but eventually gave in, taking a small bite. He watched you closely, his eyes soft as he smiled, relieved when you didn’t pull away or retreat into your shell again.

You chewed quietly, the warmth of the pizza slowly easing the ache in your chest. Jungwon fed you another bite, then another, as if the simple act of sharing food could patch up the cracks in your world.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said suddenly, his voice steady but quiet. “Not until you stop shutting me out. You’re stuck with me.”

For the first time in months, a small, fragile smile tugged at the corners of your lips. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

As you wiped the tears from your cheeks and took another bite of the pizza, you finally worked up the courage to ask the question that had been nagging at you for months.

"Why do you care so much anyway?" Your voice was small, but it carried the weight of your confusion, your walls still up even though you sat here with him, sharing a meal like nothing had changed.

Jungwon didn’t hesitate. “Because I love you,” he said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He didn’t make a big show of it—he just said it while stuffing his mouth with another bite of pizza, crumbs falling onto his lap, completely unaware of the storm brewing inside you.

You froze mid-bite. The pizza in your hand suddenly felt heavier, like it was too much to hold. Love. That word had always felt dangerous, especially coming from someone who mattered. Your heart raced, but instead of joy or excitement, a chill of fear ran down your spine. Your eyes darted toward the door. What if your parents came home? What if they saw you like this, with a boy, alone in your apartment?

“You should leave,” you blurted, the words stumbling out of your mouth.

Jungwon frowned, his brows knitting together. “Why?”

“Because my dad—” you started, but then remembered the one small mercy of the day. “He’ll be back later.”

“You said he’s gone for the day,” Jungwon reminded you, still chewing on a slice of pizza. “Don’t worry. I’ll leave before he comes.”

Relief washed over you momentarily, and the tension in your shoulders relaxed. He was right. You had a little more time. So the two of you continued to eat, now with a second pizza box sitting on the coffee table—the actual delivery guy had come not long after Jungwon’s dramatic entrance, dropping off a few dumplings along with your order.

The two of you ate in comfortable silence, the sound of chewing filling the room as you stuffed your faces, the dumplings soft and savory, the pizza cheesy and still warm.

But Jungwon, ever the one to ruin the quiet moments, spoke up again. His voice was softer this time, cautious, like he was stepping into dangerous territory. “Why have you been avoiding me, though?”

You looked at him, blinking in confusion as you wiped crumbs off your lips. “Avoiding what?”

“I love you,” he repeated, slower this time, letting the words hang in the air between you. “Say it back.”

Your heart clenched. He was waiting for an answer, but the lump in your throat made it impossible to speak. “I— I’m afraid.”

Jungwon’s face softened, his eyes searching yours for an explanation. “Afraid of what?”

You bit your lip, staring down at the half-eaten pizza in your hand. The words were hard to say, but you forced them out. “Afraid of loving someone. What if they—”

“You think I’ll turn out like your father?” he cut you off, his voice laced with disbelief and hurt.

You froze. The air between you shifted, growing heavier with each passing second. His eyes bore into you, the hurt clear in his expression. You wanted to deny it, to take back the unspoken accusation, but you couldn’t. Instead, you just sat there, silent, your guilt wrapping around you like a suffocating blanket.

“I—” you started, but the words died in your throat.

“So you do.” His voice was low, filled with disappointment. His shoulders slumped, and he looked away, hurt written all over his face. The boy who had burst into your home with so much fire and determination was now quiet, deflated.

“I’m sorry, Jungwon,” you whispered, the apology sounding hollow, even to you.

“It’s fine,” he muttered, but the way he said it told you it wasn’t fine at all. His tone was distant, half-hearted, as if the words barely mattered now. He picked up another slice of pizza, though the enthusiasm from earlier was gone. He chewed slowly, not really tasting it anymore, his eyes focused on the floor.

You sat there, the silence between you heavy and oppressive, both of you nibbling on your food but no longer enjoying it. The pizza that once tasted so good now felt like ash in your mouth, and the room, once filled with warmth and comfort, now felt cold.

Jungwon wiped his hands on a napkin, the sound of the crumpling paper breaking the silence. He sighed, leaning back against the couch, his head tilted toward the ceiling as if he was trying to gather his thoughts. You wanted to say something, to fix the mess you had made, but the words wouldn’t come. All you could do was sit there, your hands trembling slightly as you held the half-eaten slice, unsure of what to do next.

The tension hung in the air like a cloud, neither of you knowing how to break it. The food sat on the table, forgotten, as you both struggled with your own emotions, neither ready to face the truth that had been laid bare between you.

And yet, despite the silence, despite the hurt, he didn’t leave. Jungwon stayed. Even when you didn’t deserve it. Even when you thought you were unlovable. He stayed.

Jungwon lingered by the door, his hesitation palpable. The quiet of the room was heavy with the weight of unspoken words and lingering doubts. He had finally agreed to leave, his resolve hardening as he prepared to step out of the apartment. But his hand rested on the doorknob, his gaze fixed on you with a mixture of frustration and hope.

"You won’t block me again, right?" he asked, his voice strained, the edges of his words betraying his fear of being shut out once more.

You felt a lump in your throat, sadness gripping you tightly. "I will try," you muttered, the admission hanging heavily in the air between you. His disappointment was clear, a visible ache in his eyes as he took in your response.

Jungwon’s expression softened slightly, though his skepticism remained. "I understand," he said, but the words lacked conviction. He was still waiting for something more, something that would reassure him of your sincerity.

Before he could leave, you found yourself reaching out, clutching his hand in a desperate bid to keep him there. "Jungwon, I’m sorry. I don’t believe you to be the same as my dad," you said, your voice trembling with emotion.

His eyes met yours, a flicker of surprise crossing his features. "I understand," he repeated, but his tone was guarded, as if he was trying to protect himself from further hurt. Yet, when you continued, your voice softer but firm, his expression shifted.

"I love you too, Jungwon," you pleaded, the words escaping in a rush of vulnerability. The confession was not just an apology but a revelation, a desperate plea for him to stay.

He looked at you, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You’re saying it for the sake of it," he accused, his voice tinged with skepticism.

The accusation stung, and your eyes welled up with tears. You tried to bridge the gap between your heart and his with honesty. "I’m being honest," you insisted, your voice breaking. "I do love you, Jungwon." But even as you said it, you felt a pang of uncertainty, a hesitation that made you question whether your feelings were as genuine as you wanted them to be.

Jungwon's gaze was intense, his eyes searching yours for the truth. "Say it while looking into my eyes," he demanded, his hands gripping your shoulders firmly, yet gently. The door was still closed, the world outside forgotten in the face of this emotional confrontation.

You hesitated, the weight of his demand pressing down on you. But as you looked into his eyes, you saw the earnestness and care that had been so evident in him all along. The vulnerability you had felt in those long months of silence, the yearning to connect with him, surged to the surface.

“I love you,” you said, the words coming from a place deep within your heart. The confession was more than just an acknowledgment of your feelings; it was a declaration of the truth you had been avoiding. The pain of the past six months, the longing to speak to him, the realization that he had been the only one who truly cared—it all culminated in those three words.

Jungwon’s eyes softened as he took in your declaration. He let go of your shoulders, his expression a mix of relief and continued uncertainty. He stepped closer, his presence a comforting warmth against the cold weight of your fears.

"How could I not love you?" you whispered, the question more to yourself than to him, but it was clear. The truth of your feelings, once hidden and doubted, now stood revealed. You had missed him, craved his presence, and needed him more than you had ever admitted.

Jungwon pulled you into a gentle embrace, his arms enveloping you in a protective cocoon. The tears on your cheeks were wiped away by his thumb, his touch tender despite the earlier conflict. "We’ll figure this out," he murmured, his voice soothing as he held you close. "We’ll take it one step at a time."

The world outside felt distant, the only reality that mattered was the one in his arms, where the past six months of silence and fear began to unravel. The pizza boxes and dumplings lay forgotten on the table, their warmth a reminder of the connection you had almost lost but had now found again.

As you stood there, wrapped in his embrace, the emotional turmoil slowly settled into a fragile sense of hope. Jungwon's presence was a beacon of reassurance, a reminder that even in the darkest moments, love had the power to heal and bridge the gaps of misunderstanding.

As the months have passed, the initial awkwardness of your relationship has given way to a comfortable familiarity. You and your best friend-turned-lover have grown accustomed to each other's presence, often finding yourselves curled up on the couch together, lost in conversation or simply enjoying each other's company.

His voice is low and patient, guiding you through the motions as his hand covers yours. Your fingers tentatively wrap around his cock, mirroring his movements. You can feel his heartbeat pulsing against your palm, his warm breath against your neck as he leans down to kiss you softly. "Like that,"

His voice is a husky whisper against your ear, sending shivers down your spine. His hand tightens over yours, guiding it slower, then faster, creating a rhythm that hitches your breath. You can feel him hardening further against your touch, his hips bucking gently into your grip.

"Feel that?" he murmurs, his voice barely audible as he guides your hand up and down his length. "That's you touching me." His breath hitches when you wrap your other hand around to cup him, your fingers brushing against sensitive skin. "Just like that,"

"You're... you're so warm," you whisper, your voice hitching as your thumbs brush against the velvety tip. You look up at him, your eyes meeting his intense gaze. "And so big..." He groans, his hips jerking forward, his hands squeezing yours tighter around him.

"I-I want to touch you too," he stammers, his cheeks flushing a soft shade of red. His hands hesitate, hovering over your thighs before slowly inching upward, his touch light and uncertain. "Is this... is this okay?"

"Mhm..." you breathe out, your head lolling back against his shoulder as his tentative fingers trace the hem of your skirt. His touch is like a spark against your skin, making you acutely aware of every inch of your body. "You can... you can go under..."

His fingers tremble slightly as he lifts the hem of your skirt, his gaze fixated on the soft fabric of your panties. He looks up at you, seeking permission, his heart pounding in his chest. You nod, and he lets out a shaky breath before slowly sliding his hand underneath your underwear.

"Oh..." you gasp, your back arching into him as he finds your center. His touch is exploratory, his fingers tracing your folds as if committing every detail to memory. "You're... you're wet," he breathes out, his voice laced with wonder and a hint of nervousness.

As he explores you, his own breath hitches in rhythm with your touches. His hips jerk forward, pushing into your fist as your hands continue to stroke him. "You... you feel so good," he pants, his voice strained, his fingers mirroring your rhythm against your core. "Like..."

"...like silk," he whispers, his fingers gliding through your wetness as he discovers your sensitive spots. "So smooth and warm." He looks up at you, his eyes glassy with desire, his face flushed. "Can I... can I put my finger inside you?"

"Yes," you whisper, your voice trembling with anticipation. "Please..." You guide his finger to your entrance, holding his gaze as he pushes it inside you. He lets out a soft gasp, his finger sinking deeper into your heat as he starts to curl it. "Oh god..."

He curls his finger inside you, feeling the tight, untouched walls of your vagina hug his finger tightly. He looks at you in awe, his eyes wide with wonder as he realizes he's the first person to ever be inside you. "You're so... so tight," he whispers, his voice shaking.

"And you're... so big," you pant, your hands squeezing him tighter as he withdraws slightly, only to push back in deeper. "I've never... never felt this way..." Your words trail off into a moan as he finds that spot inside you that makes your insides clench.

His face contorts in concentration, his brows furrowing as he tries to hold back. "You... you're gripping me so tightly," he hisses, his voice barely a whisper. "If you keep that up, I'm... I'm gonna... "

"...I'm gonna cum," he chokes out, his finger moving frantically inside you as he fights against the urge. But it's no use, the sensation of your tight, virgin hole is too much for him to handle.

His movements become erratic, his finger pistonning in and out of you as his breath hitches against your neck. His hips thrust into your grasp, his hot seed pulsing onto your fingers as he moans softly, burying his face against your shoulder. "I'm so... so sorry..."

Tears well up in your eyes as a mix of overwhelming sensations flood through you. Your insides feel deliciously sore from his finger, your body tensing as a few tears slip down your cheeks. "Ow..." you whimper, your voice muffled against his shoulder.

He stiffens behind you, his body tensing as he realizes the reason behind your tears. His finger stills inside you, his body shuddering as he looks at the tears on your cheeks. "Oh god, I'm so sorry..." He gently withdraws from you, cradling you against his chest.

"Don't... don't leave..." you hiccup, turning in his arms to face him. He pulls you into his lap, his arms wrapping protectively around you as he nuzzles his face into your neck, leaving soft, apologetic kisses on your skin.

"I'm not going anywhere," he murmurs, his voice hoarse. "I'm so sorry if I hurt you. That wasn't supposed to happen. Not like that. Not our first time..." His voice trails off, his face flushing with embarrassment.

You sniffle, nuzzling against his chest as you wrap your arms around his neck. "It's okay... it's just... it's new. It's... intense," you explain softly, your voice steadying. "But... it's not your fault. We're learning together..."

He sighs in relief, hugging you tightly against him. "Right. Learning together," he repeats, his voice filled with gratitude. "And I promise, next time will be better. I'll be more careful, more gentle..." He trails off, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

The silence between you two was suffocating. After what had happened, you both found yourselves drifting, not in your feelings for each other but in the inability to navigate the awkwardness that came after. There was no guidebook for this—everyone talked about sex, whispered secrets and stories of excitement, but no one ever mentioned the part that followed. The silence. The shy avoidance. The lingering discomfort.

You avoided talking to Jungwon for days, each time you crossed paths, your eyes darting elsewhere, your heart thudding in your chest. It wasn’t because you didn’t care for him; it was because the weight of what had happened—the intimacy, the vulnerability—felt too heavy to put into words. You weren’t sure how to approach him, how to continue like everything was the same. And maybe it wasn’t the same. Something had changed between you two, but no one had taught you how to deal with that change.

Jungwon’s home had become your escape, a sanctuary from the chaos that awaited you back in your own. His parents had always welcomed you with open arms, offering warmth and safety in a way your own home never did. It was easier to stay at his place, easier to smile and laugh with his family, easier to forget the gnawing ache of shame and fear that clung to you whenever you returned to your father’s house.

But you couldn’t stay away forever.

When you did finally go home, it was always late, always when you were too tired to think about anything but sleep. You would slip quietly into your room, locking the door behind you, hoping that tonight would be one of the quieter nights. But then, the inevitable happened. The sound of something shattering echoed through the walls, sharp and jagged, followed by the familiar sound of your father’s raised voice—angry, slurred, chaotic. Your body tensed immediately, heart pounding in your chest as you squeezed your eyes shut, wishing for the noise to stop.

Another crash. The sound of something breaking against the wall, and you knew—another plate, another bottle, another item sacrificed to your father’s rage. You curled up on your bed, knees pulled to your chest as the noise continued. You had learned to brace yourself, to keep the panic at bay, but it never got easier.

And then, a sound from your window startled you out of your thoughts. A soft knock, hesitant but insistent. You turned, your breath catching as you saw Jungwon’s familiar face peering through the glass. His eyes were wide with concern, his breath fogging up the window as he knocked again, mouthing your name.

Without thinking, you rushed to open it, quietly unlatching the window and sliding it up just enough for him to slip through. “What are you doing here?” you whispered, your voice a mixture of surprise and panic as you helped him inside. His hands were cold, and his body brushed against yours as he climbed into the room.

Jungwon gave you a sheepish smile, his eyes flickering to the door where the sounds of your father’s outburst still echoed faintly. “I wanted to talk to you… we haven’t, you know, talked in a while. And then I heard your dad...”

His words trailed off, the concern in his eyes clear. You could feel the lump in your throat forming, a mixture of embarrassment and helplessness that made you want to shrink away. “I’m sorry you had to hear that,” you muttered, dropping your gaze to the floor. “I didn’t want you to—”

Before you could finish, Jungwon pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in a warm, comforting embrace. His chin rested on top of your head, his hands gently rubbing your back in a soothing motion. The tension in your body melted slightly as he held you, his presence grounding you, making the chaos outside feel a little less suffocating.

“Why were you avoiding me?” he whispered into your hair, his voice soft and full of concern. “Was it something I did? Was I too rough or...?”

You swallowed, your throat tight with the weight of your own feelings. You shook your head, not able to meet his eyes. “No, it wasn’t that,” you mumbled, your fingers nervously fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “It’s just... it was awkward, you know? After everything.”

Jungwon pulled back slightly, his eyes searching your face for answers, but there was no accusation there, only understanding. He sighed softly, running a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t have to be awkward,” he said gently, his hand moving to rest on your shoulder. “We can talk about it. We’re figuring this out together, right?”

His words were meant to comfort, but the reality of it all still felt heavy. The awkwardness of crossing that line of intimacy, the weight of your father’s violence lingering in the background—it all felt too much to bear. But as Jungwon sat down on the edge of your bed, his familiar presence a reminder of everything good, you knew that avoiding him wouldn’t solve anything. He was here, and he cared. Maybe that was enough for now.

He reached over and flicked the switch, plunging the room into darkness. The only sound was the muffled argument coming from downstairs, their parents' voices rising and falling in a heated debate. He moved to the curtains, pulling them closed to block out the faint moonlight peeking through the gaps.

The dim light cast long, dancing shadows on the walls as he turned back to face you. His hands trembled slightly as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small, crinkled square - a condom. He hesitated, his cheeks flushing red, before finally blurting out, "Can we...?"

"Can we...?" he repeated softly, his voice barely audible over the distant quarrel. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes darting to meet yours then quickly flicking away, like a nervous bird. "Can we... have actual... you know...?"

Your heart pounded in your chest as you processed his words. Actual sex. With him. Here. Now. The thought sent a shiver down your spine, a mix of excitement and terror swirling in your stomach. You swallowed hard, trying to find your voice. "I... I don't know,"

He took a step closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, as if sharing a secret. "I can forget about it if you want. Pretend I never said anything." His hands fidgeted with the condom, crumpling the foil between his fingers. He was nervous too.

You reached out, your fingers brushing against his as you took the crumpled foil from him. His breath hitched at the contact, and he looked up at you with wide, hopeful eyes. You unfolded the condom, the quiet rustle of the package breaking the tense silence.

"No... I want this too," you admitted softly, your voice barely a whisper. You looked down, unable to meet his gaze, as you slowly began to unbutton your shirt. He watched, enraptured, his eyes following your fingers as they revealed more of your skin. "Really?"

You nodded, still focused on your task. You shrugged out of your shirt, letting it drop to the floor. As you began to get out of your shorts, he hesitantly reached out, his hands mirroring yours as he too started to undress.

Your hands froze mid-action, the unbuckled waistband of your jeans gaping open. The heated argument downstairs escalated, the sound of shattered glass punctuating your father's angry words. You bit your lip, uncertainty written all over your face. "What if... what if dad knows you're in?"

He paused, his own shirt halfway unbuttoned. His eyes flicked to the closed door, then back to you, concern etched on his face. He finished unbuttoning his shirt, the material rustling softly as he shrugged it off. "We'll be quiet," he promised, his voice low and steady.

He stepped closer, his bare chest inches from yours. The heat from his body radiated onto yours, his breath warm against your neck as he leaned in. "We can... take it slow," he murmured, his hands tentatively resting on your hips. "And if you want me to stop... just say it..."

You nodded, leaning back on the bed as he gently laid you down. The mattress dipped beneath his weight as he crawled onto the bed beside you. He propped himself up on one elbow, his other hand tracing patterns on your bare stomach, his touch feather-light. "We'll be quiet,"

He leaned down, his mouth finding your center through your shorts. He kissed and sucked through the fabric, his hands gently pushing your legs apart as he went down on you. The sound of his mouth on your pussy was muffled by the fabric, but the vibrations sent shivers through your body.

He looked up at you, his eyes locking with yours as he kissed through your shorts. "I've never... done this before," he admitted, his voice muffled. "But I want to make you feel good." You bit your lip, your heart racing as you were reminded that he was a virgin too.

"Show me what you like," he whispered, his hands gripping your thighs as he continued to kiss and suck through the fabric. You tentatively guided his head, showing him the pressure and rhythm that drove you wild. He followed your guidance eagerly, his own inexperience fueling his enthusiasm. "Like that?"

"Yes... just like that," you panted, your head falling back against the pillow. He doubled his efforts, his touch becoming more confident with each passing moment. The room filled with the sounds of your labored breaths and the soft, muffled noises of his mouth on you. "Please..."

His fingers deftly unbuttoned your shorts and slipped them down your legs, leaving you in just your soaked-through panties. He kissed the fabric, his warm breath sending shivers through your body. Then, with a gentle tug, he pulled your panties aside and buried his face between your folds.

His tongue was tentative at first, exploring your wet warmth with shy curiosity. It curled and licked, learning your folds, your ridges, your hole. You could feel his inexperience in every uncertain flick, but it only made the moment more precious. He was learning your body, mapping out your secrets with his tongue.

"Oh, God..." you whimpered, your fingers tangling in his hair as he found your most sensitive spot. He latched onto it, sucking gently as he swirled his tongue around it. Your legs trembled, your hips rising off the bed as you sought more of his mouth.

"Shh..." he hissed softly, lifting his head for a moment. His face was glistening, his chin shiny with your essence. "Your dad might hear..." He ducked his head back down, his hands gripping your hips to keep you from bucking too wildly.

He continued his ministrations, his tongue a blur as he ate at you like a starving man. Your quiet whimpers were muffled by his mouth, your legs shaking violently as the pressure built inside you. He didn't stop, didn't relent, even when you thought you couldn't take it anymore.

"I... I don't know if I can be quiet..." you panted, your voice barely audible. Your body tensed, your legs squeezing around his head as the first waves of release hit you. He looked up at you, his eyes wide and worried. "Try, okay? For me?"

"Okay... okay, I'll try..." you gasped, biting down hard on your fist to stifle your cries. His tongue slid inside you, pushing deep as the first wave crested. Your body clamped down on him, your insides pulsing around his intrusion.

He swallowed your sounds, his throat working as he fought to keep you quiet. Your pussy squeezed him tightly, rippling around his tongue as he lapped at your clit, trying to draw out your orgasm. Finally, you managed to choke back a cry, your hips jerking against his face as you came hard.

He lifted his head, his face a picture of smug satisfaction. His mouth and chin were shiny with your release, his hair disheveled from your desperate fingers. "Good job," he praised softly, kissing your inner thigh. He sat up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

"Can I... can we try...?" he asked, his voice trailing off as he looked down at his hardened length. He was tentatively stroking himself, his hand moving up and down his length with uncertainty. You nodded, your eyes wide as you looked at his manhood for the first time.

He positioned himself between your thighs, his hands shaking as he guided himself to your entrance. He pressed the head against your hole, his face contorting with concentration. "This might... it might hurt a little," he warned, his voice barely a whisper.

"Condom!" you hissed, your eyes flying wide open. He let out a nervous laugh, "Yeah, condom..." He fumbled in his pocket, pulling out a crinkly square. He tore it open with shaking hands and rolled it onto himself with a grimace.

He lined himself up again, his breathing growing heavier. He leaned down to kiss you, his mouth covering yours as he slowly pushed forward. You felt a brief, sharp pain as he broke through, your nails digging into his back. He froze, his face buried in your neck. "You okay?"

"Y-yes... keep going..." you whimpered, your voice barely a whisper. He nodded, his brow furrowing with concentration as he slowly eased the rest of the way in. You could feel every inch of him, your body stretching to accommodate his thickness.

He pushed forward, and you felt the sudden, sharp pain as your hymen gave way. You let out a soft cry, biting down on his shoulder to muffle the sound. He froze, his body stiff as he realized what had happened. "Oh God, I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

He held perfectly still, his heart pounding against your chest. After a moment, he carefully pulled back until just the head of his dick was inside you, then pushed back in gently. He repeated this process a few times, each push and pull sending small jolts of pain through your tender flesh.

You hissed softly through clenched teeth, your nails digging into his back as you tried to bear the discomfort. He kept his movements slow and gentle, his face contorted with effort as he tried to hold back. "You're so tight... it's so good..." he breathed, his voice hoarse with restraint.

After a few more slow thrusts, the pain began to ease, replaced by a strange, pleasurable pressure. You relaxed a little, your legs unwinding from around his waist. He took this as a sign to continue, his hips picking up a gentle rhythm as he slid in and out of your virgin hole.

He kissed you deeply, his tongue tangling with yours as his pace quickened. He was being as gentle as he could, but his body had a mind of its own. The sound of his flesh slapping against yours filled the room, mingling with your soft whimpers and his ragged breathing.

As he thrust into you, he felt a sudden wetness. He looked down between your bodies, his eyes widening as he saw the blood staining the condom. He let out a low groan, his hips stuttering as he realized that he was taking your virginity.

He leaned down to kiss you again, his mouth covering yours as he tried to distract you from the discomfort. He thrust deep, filling you completely as he groaned against your lips. He was trying so hard to be gentle, but your body was too much.

You bit your lip hard to muffle your cries, burying your face in his neck as he continued to move inside you. The headboard banged against the wall with each thrust, the sound echoing loudly through the house. You prayed that your dad's hearing aid was off, so he wouldn't hear.

Jungwon covered your mouth with his hand, muffling your noises as he increased his pace. He was so close, his body tensing with each snap of his hips. "I'm so sorry... I'm so close... I can't stop..." he panted, his eyes locked with yours.

You nodded, your eyes wide with trust. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he continued to thrust into you. The pressure was building inside you too, a heat spreading through your belly as he hit a spot deep inside.

With a choked cry, Jungwon buried his face in your neck, his hips stuttering as he came inside you. The condom strained against his shaft, the blood from your virginity leaking out around it. He held you tightly, his breath ragged against your skin as he tried to calm his racing heart.

He slowly lifted his head, his eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay?" he whispered, his voice barely audible. You nodded weakly, your body languid from the intense experience. He carefully pulled out, making a face as he saw the blood-stained condom. "I'm so sorry..."

He quickly cleaned you up, his touch gentle as he wiped away the evidence of your lost innocence. He disposed of the condom in the trash, flushing bright red as he realized that he had just taken your virginity in your house. "We should be more careful next time..."

He helped you off the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist as you leaned against him for support. "Come on, let's clean up," he murmured, his voice soft with embarrassment. You nodded weakly, your legs still shaky as he led you to the bathroom. "You can barely walk..."

He turned on the shower, helping you step inside before joining you himself. The warm water felt soothing against your skin, but you couldn't shake off the lingering awkwardness. Jungwon stood behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he held you against his chest. "We're such idiots,"

"We are," you agreed softly, letting out a nervous laugh. He rested his chin on your shoulder, his hands roaming up to cup your breasts. Your head fell back against his shoulder, your eyes closed as you let out a soft moan. "Jungwon... we can't... not again..."

"Shh, just relax," he whispered, his fingers gently squeezing your nipples. The water continued to pour down, washing away the evidence of your lovemaking. Jungwon's other hand reached between your legs, his fingers gently rubbing your sensitive folds. "You're so sore..."

"Mmm... It's okay, we won't do it again... just let me take care of you," he murmured, his fingers gently cleaning you up. He turned off the shower and helped you out, wrapping you in a fluffy towel. He gently dried you off, his touch tender and caring.

Jungwon carried you out of the bathroom and back to the bed, carefully laying you down before climbing in beside you. He pulled the covers over both of you, cuddling you close and wrapping his arms around your waist. "Just rest for now," he whispered, his lips pressing gentle kisses to your forehead.

You nuzzled against his chest, feeling content and sleepy. But then reality hit you, and you tensed up. "Jungwon... what if my dad comes in?" you whispered, your voice barely audible. He stiffened, realizing the gravity of the situation.

"You're right... I should go," he murmured, reluctance clear in his voice. He carefully untangled himself from you and got out of bed, quickly dressing. You sat up, pulling the covers around you as you watched him. "I'll call you later, okay?"

You bit your lip, nodding. "Okay... be careful," you whispered. He crossed the room and pressed a quick kiss to your lips before heading to the window. "I'll climb out the window. I don't want your dad to see me leaving," he explained in a low voice.

He pushed the window open and climbed out, waving at you before dropping down onto the lawn below. You watched as he straightened up and jogged away, disappearing into the darkness. You closed the window and locked it before climbing back into bed, your mind racing with thoughts of what had just happened.

The busy street buzzed with life, but all Jungwon could think about was shaking Mira off. She clung to his arm persistently, her grip tightening as she tilted her head with a coy smile, her words dripping with desperation.

"Jungwon, c'mon," she whined, batting her lashes in a way that might have worked on someone else. "It's just one date."

His face remained impassive, brushing her off with a subtle tug of his arm. "Mira, I'm taken." His voice was calm but firm, the words carrying a weight of finality that he hoped she would understand.

Mira, however, wasn’t one to give up so easily. She edged closer, her voice dropping to a low whisper. "You said she's in Canada, she won’t know."

Before Jungwon could even reply, a familiar voice rang out, light and full of warmth.

"Wonnie!"

His heart leapt at the sound of your voice, and he turned just in time to see you rushing toward him. Before he could process anything else, you threw yourself into his arms, and he caught you instantly, pulling you close as if it had been mere hours since he last saw you, not years. He held you like he had been waiting for this exact moment all his life.

"You're back?" His voice cracked slightly, a mixture of disbelief and excitement bubbling to the surface. He squeezed you tighter, as if to confirm you were really there, in his arms, tangible and warm. "Why didn’t you tell me? I would've picked you up from the airport."

You clung to him, burying your face in his chest, inhaling the scent of him that you had missed more than you could admit during those long years apart. It had been almost three years since graduation, and four since the start of your relationship. Three excruciating years of video calls, texts, and waiting, all because your mother had finally divorced your father and moved to Canada, taking you with her. Jungwon had promised you he'd wait, and wait he did—patiently, devotedly, even though the distance often felt unbearable.

Tears began to spill uncontrollably down your cheeks, soaking into his shirt as you sobbed into his chest. The emotions were overwhelming, the relief of being back in his arms after so long mixing with the sadness of having missed him so much.

"Why are you crying?" Jungwon asked softly, his voice filled with concern. His hands moved up to cradle the back of your head gently as he rocked you back and forth, trying to soothe you. The steady rhythm of his movements grounded you, pulling you out of the swirl of emotions that threatened to drown you.

"I'm happy, so happy," you mumbled into his chest, your voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt. You took a shaky breath, trying to regain your composure, and wiped your tear-streaked face with the back of your hand before looking up at him.

And then, out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Mira still standing there, watching the intimate moment unfold between you and Jungwon with barely concealed irritation.

"Who's she though?" You asked, gesturing toward the girl who now stood awkwardly a few feet away, her smile strained and forced.

Jungwon rolled his eyes dramatically, the exasperation clear on his face as he shifted his hold on you. "She's just a casual friend," he muttered under his breath, his tone leaving no room for interpretation.

Mira took that as her cue to awkwardly introduce herself, though it was clear she was far from pleased with the situation. "Hello. You must be his girlfriend," she mumbled, her eyes flicking between the two of you as she watched the embrace dissolve.

"Yeah," you replied simply, your tone firm but polite, unwilling to give her any satisfaction from this moment. Your grip on Jungwon tightened subtly, a quiet assertion that he was yours, and you weren’t going anywhere.

As you broke away from the hug, Jungwon leaned down to whisper into your ear, his breath warm against your skin. "She's annoying," he muttered with a slight chuckle. "She was trying to get me to date her without you knowing."

You turned your head slightly, hiding a grin as you whispered back teasingly, "You should’ve gone then."

Jungwon pulled back just enough to give you an incredulous look, his brows furrowing in playful annoyance. "How could I?" he whispered back, his voice full of mock indignation. "I love you."

Mira, sensing that she had no place in this moment, let out a soft huff and turned on her heel, walking away quickly with a flick of her hair, clearly defeated. Jungwon barely glanced her way, his attention solely focused on you, his arms still wrapped around you like a protective shield.

The two of you stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, oblivious to the world around you. After years of being apart, of missed touches and long-distance calls, nothing else mattered. The noise of the city faded away, and all that was left was the sound of your heartbeats, syncing up once again after so much time spent apart.

The warm water cascaded down on you both, the steam filling the bathroom and fogging up the mirror. Jungwon's arms were wrapped around your waist, pulling your back against his chest. His fingers gently traced patterns on your belly, sending shivers down your spine despite the heat of the water.

"It feels different, doesn't it?" Jungwon murmured, his voice low as he nuzzled his face into your wet hair, inhaling your scent. His lips found the curve of your shoulder, pressing a soft, sucking kiss there before trailing up your neck. "Being together again..."

"...not just talking on the phone or facetiming," you interjected, your voice barely a whisper, enjoying the gentle touches. His hands slowly washed your body, cleaning you with care. You leaned your head back onto his shoulder, giving him better access to your neck. "I missed this."

"Mmm, me too," Jungwon hummed against your skin, his hands gliding down to your thighs, gently massaging them. The suds of the body wash made his touch slick. "I missed being able to touch you like this..."

"...to feel your heart race when I kiss your neck," he continued, his hands slowly sliding back up, skimming over your hips, your ribs, before finally resting underneath your breasts. "To hear your breath hitch when I..." He paused, his touch becoming more gentle. "Hold you like this."

His large hands cupped your breasts tenderly, his thumbs caressing the hardened peaks. He rocked his hips forward slightly, pressing his hardened length against the small of your back. "Even this... feels different. Better."

"It's... intense," you breathed out, your voice hitching as his touch became more insistent. His touch was gentle yet firm, reverent yet demanding. Your hands gripped his wrists, not to push him away, but to anchor yourself, to ground yourself in the overwhelming sensations. "Like..."

"...like we're trying to remember every detail, every feeling," you continued, your voice trembling. "Like we're starving for each other and can't get enough." Your breath caught as he squeezed your breasts gently, his thumbs rolling over your nipples. "Jungwon..."

His name fell from your lips on a soft moan as he grinded against you slowly, his mouth finding yours. His tongue delved in, deepening the kiss as his hands continued their slow exploration. The water poured down on you both, washing away the suds, but not the heat building between you.

His touch grew bolder as he turned you to face him, his hands sliding down your slick body to wrap around your thighs and lift you up. Your legs wrapped around his waist, your heels digging into his lower back as he pressed you against the cool tiles. "Look at me," he rasped, his voice thick with desire.

Your breath hitched as you met his gaze, his eyes dark with need. His hardness prodded at your entrance, pausing there. "Remember how it was, before?" He flexed his hips forward slightly, filling you just a little. "Remember how we fit together?"

"Yes..." you whispered, your nails digging into his shoulders. He slowly pushed into you more, inch by inch, his face contorted with pleasure. "Just like that... we fit..." You threw your head back, gasping as he sheathed himself fully inside you. "Jungwon..."

His length was thick and long, stretching you to accommodate him. He pulled out slowly, his hips rolling forward again as he thrust back in, his pace measured and deliberate. His hands gripped your ass tightly, spreading your ass cheeks slightly to grant himself deeper access. "Your eyes... they get so big,"

He leaned forward, his mouth latching onto one of your hardened peaks, sucking hard as he continued his slow thrusts. He was taking his time, drawing out the pleasure for both of you. His length glided in and out of you easily, the water and the body wash acting as natural lubricant.

"Jungwon... it's... so good..." you moaned, your voice barely a whisper. Your hands clutched his shoulders tightly, your nails digging into his flesh. Your breaths came in short pants, mingling with his harsh breaths. "You're so deep... I can feel you..."

His pace quickened, his thrusts becoming more insistent. The sound of water splashing filled the bathroom, accompanied by your soft moans and his ragged breathing. His mouth found yours again, swallowing your cries. His thickness caressed every inch of you, his pelvis grinding against yours with each thrust.

"You're... so warm... so tight..." he groaned against your mouth. His hands tightened on your bottom, his fingers spreading you wider as he increased his pace. The sound of their bodies slapping against each other echoed in the bathroom, accompanied by their heavy breathing. "I can't... hold back..."

"Don't... don't hold back..." you whimpered, your body tensing as he nailed a particularly sensitive spot. "Harder... Jungwon... please..." Your head lolled to the side, your breath coming in short pants.

His thrusts became brutal, his hips slamming against yours with abandon. The water in the tub splashed wildly, nearly overflowing as he fucked you with reckless abandon. His mouth latched onto your neck, biting and sucking hard as he chased his climax. "Fuck... fuck... FUCK!"

"Jungwon... yes... yes!" You cried out, your body tensing as your release neared. His thickness rubbed against you perfectly, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Your body clenched around him, your inner muscles milking him as you shattered around him.

"Ahhh!!" He threw his head back, his body stiffening as he found his release. He slammed into you one last time, his body shuddering as he spilled into you. His arms wrapped around you tightly, pulling you flush against him as he rode out his release. "Ahh..."

Finally, he collapsed against you, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. You remained suspended in the water, his softening length still buried inside you. After a moment, he gently pulled out, his thick seed dripping from your stretched open hole.

You leaned back against the tub, your legs splayed wide open as you gazed at your dripping hole. A satisfied smile spread across your face as you felt the warmth of his seed coating your insides. You reached down, gently probing your stretched hole with your finger, feeling his thick load inside you.

Jungwon watched you with hooded eyes, his face flushed and his breathing still heavy. "You look so... satisfied," he commented, his voice lazy and content. He reached out, his hand mirroring yours as he gently touched your slick hole.

You looked at him, your eyes glinting mischievously. "Mmm... I am... but there's still some left..." you purred, pushing two fingers deep inside yourself and scooping out some of his seed. He watched as you brought your fingers to your mouth, sucking them clean.

His eyes widened, his pupils dilating as he watched you clean your fingers. "That's... so dirty..." he murmured, his voice laced with approval. He reached out, his own fingers mimicking yours as he gently pushed them into your stretched hole, scooping out more of his warm seed.

You moaned softly, your eyes rolling back as he fingered your hole, his fingers coated in his own seed. Jungwon brought his fingers to his mouth, licking and sucking them clean just like you had done. You watched him, your heart racing at the sight of him devouring his own essence.

"You're insatiable..." he groaned, his eyes glinting hungrily as he looked at you. His fingers delved back into your hole, pushing deep as he sought more of his release. "Let's get clean, hmm?" he suggested, his voice low and gruff.

You nodded eagerly, your body tingling with anticipation. He slowly cleaned you up, his touch gentle and caring as he washed his own essence off your body. Then, he lathered up a washcloth and began to clean himself, his face flushed and his breathing heavy. "Turn around..."

You turned around, your back pressing against his chest. His strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you close. The washcloth gently cleaned your back, your sides, your stomach... and then lower. You moaned softly as he cleaned between your legs, his touch gentle yet insistent.

"Spread your legs wider..." he whispered against your ear. You complied, your thighs parting to give him better access. The warm, soapy cloth cleaned your folds, your crease, your tight little hole.

He spent extra time cleaning your hole, his fingers gently spreading you open as he washed inside you. You felt so clean, so refreshed, as he finished up and set the washcloth aside. His arms remained wrapped around you, holding you close as he nuzzled his face against your neck.

"Let's dry off..." he murmured, helping you stand. He stepped out of the tub first, then helped you out. The bathroom was filled with steam, the mirrors fogged up. He grabbed a towel and began to dry you off, his hands roaming over your body reverently.

You stood there, letting him dry you off, feeling his warm breath on your skin as he worked. When he finished with you, he dried himself off as well, his eyes never leaving yours. Once he was dry, he picked you up in his arms and carried you out of the bathroom.

You didn't know when you fell asleep but the first thing in the morning you noticed was the warmth of Jungwon’s body pressing close against yours, his arm draped lazily around your waist. The soft morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow on the tangled sheets that barely covered the both of you.

Your mind was slow to piece together the events of the night before, the hazy memory of falling asleep together in each other’s arms, feeling completely safe and enveloped in warmth. The soft rise and fall of Jungwon’s chest against your back was a comforting rhythm, and you let yourself linger in the moment.

Then, a sharp knock on the door broke the serenity. You stirred, blinking sleepily as you felt Jungwon’s arm tighten around your waist, his head buried deeper into the crook of your neck.

"Jungwon, there's a knock," you mumbled, your voice heavy with sleep as you tried to shift his arm off you, your fingers brushing over his in a half-hearted attempt to wake him.

"They can wait..." he grumbled, barely audible, pulling you closer as his lips ghosted against your shoulder, the warmth of his breath sending a shiver down your spine. For a brief moment, you almost believed him—whoever it was could definitely wait. Until the sound of a familiar voice echoed from behind the door.

“Jungwon-ah, are you awake?”

You bolted upright, eyes wide, your heart immediately racing. His parents. You could barely register Jungwon’s groggy response as he rubbed his face with both hands, clearly still half-asleep, while you were already scrambling to find your clothes. You glanced over at him, eyes wide with panic as you whispered, "Are they here unannounced?"

Jungwon shot up from the bed, instantly awake at the realization. His eyes widened in disbelief, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. “Oh my god,” he muttered, quickly grabbing for his clothes. You hurriedly followed suit, pulling your shirt over your head as you glanced at the door nervously.

“I’m coming!” Jungwon called out, his voice slightly strained as he hopped around on one leg, trying to pull up his pants in a rush. His fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, and you could see the flush creeping up his neck as the reality of the situation dawned on him.

You sat back on the edge of the bed, pulling your knees up to your chest, watching as Jungwon took a deep breath and stepped out of the bedroom. The door closed softly behind him, and you could hear the muffled sounds of his conversation with his parents in the other room.

“Oh… hi mom, dad,” Jungwon greeted, his voice tinged with an awkwardness that was impossible to hide. You could picture him standing at the door, scratching the back of his neck, trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy. “You… you should’ve told me you were coming.”

His mom’s voice was lighthearted, as if nothing were amiss. “Do we really need to tell our son when we’re visiting?” she teased, stepping into the dorm uninvited. You could almost hear her footsteps as she walked around the room, probably inspecting every corner like mothers do.

His father’s voice came next, gruff but not unkind. “At least your dorm is clean,” he commented, as if his primary concern was whether or not the room was up to his standards. Jungwon let out a small, nervous laugh in response, clearly trying to keep the conversation light.

You could hear the subtle tension in his voice as he continued. “Uh… I’ll be right back, I just need to… shower,” he stammered, clearly struggling to act casual as he hastily excused himself. “Just… sit here for a bit, okay?”

The door to the bedroom opened again, and Jungwon slipped back inside, closing it quickly behind him as if that simple action could shield both of you from further embarrassment. His face was flushed, his ears a deep shade of pink as he leaned back against the door for a second, eyes shut.

“They’re really here,” he muttered, as if trying to process it himself.

You shook your head, laughing softly at the absurdity of the situation despite the tension swirling in the room. "Of course, they are. At least you got us out of that one... sort of."

Jungwon groaned quietly, moving towards the dresser to grab a towel, muttering under his breath about needing a miracle. You could only smile, watching him shuffle around with an awkward energy, knowing this was one morning neither of you would forget anytime soon.

After quickly showering and changing into something more comfortable—Jungwon in a loose sweatshirt that conveniently hid most of his neck, and you in one of his oversized tees—you both exchanged nervous glances before stepping out of the bedroom. The awkward tension still hung in the air as Jungwon reached for the door handle, the two of you silently hoping that his parents hadn't picked up on anything too obvious.

As the door swung open, the comforting smell of breakfast greeted you both. His mom was busy setting plates on the small dining table, her movements efficient yet graceful, while his dad sat at the table, scrolling through his phone. You noticed the slight pause in his mother’s actions when she caught sight of you, her brows raising in surprise before she quickly composed herself.

“Oh,” she said, the surprise melting into a knowing smile. “Is she your girlfriend? The one from Canada?”

Jungwon’s ears instantly turned red, his fingers tightening on the door handle as he gave a shy nod. “Y-Yeah,” he mumbled, glancing nervously at his father, who looked completely oblivious to the conversation until now.

His dad blinked, clearly confused by the sudden revelation. “Canada?” he repeated, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked between you and Jungwon, trying to piece things together.

Feeling the awkwardness settle around the table like an unwanted guest, Jungwon led you both to the dining area, where you carefully took your seat next to him. You made sure to sit up straight, shoulders relaxed but composed, not wanting to make any wrong impressions. After all, meeting your partner’s parents for the first time, especially under such unexpected circumstances, was nerve-wracking enough.

As you slid into the chair, you nudged Jungwon lightly with your elbow, your voice soft but filled with curiosity. “You told them about me?”

Jungwon let out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck—his fingers brushing dangerously close to the hickey he’d tried so hard to hide. “Well… kind of?” he replied, his voice rising slightly at the end, as if even he wasn’t sure of his own answer.

You barely had time to react when his mother appeared by the table, a warm smile on her face as she set down plates of egg toast in front of everyone. The golden, buttery aroma filled the room, momentarily easing the tension, but only for a moment. Just as you reached for your fork, his father’s voice cut through the silence.

“What’s that?” His dad’s eyes were narrowed in on Jungwon’s neck, specifically the faint purple mark peeking out from under his sweatshirt. The color drained from Jungwon’s face as he instinctively slapped a hand over the spot, clearly panicking.

“Oh, this?” Jungwon stammered, his voice suddenly an octave higher than usual. He swallowed hard before blurting out the first excuse that came to mind. “It’s, uh… a mosquito bite.”

You could practically feel the heat radiating from his embarrassment, and you had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing. His father, however, was far from convinced. He raised an eyebrow, his expression skeptical as he leaned back in his chair. “A mosquito bite that big?”

Jungwon’s fingers tightened around his fork, his face burning with mortification. He opened his mouth to say something—anything—but the words just wouldn’t come. Desperate to save him from any further embarrassment, you quickly jumped in, plastering on the brightest smile you could muster.

“Oh, aunty!” you said, your voice filled with enthusiasm as you turned to his mom, completely shifting the conversation. “Your hair looks gorgeous! Where did you get it done? It really suits you!”

Jungwon let out a silent breath of relief, his shoulders visibly relaxing as the attention shifted away from him. His mom, clearly flattered by the compliment, absentmindedly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her expression softening as she smiled at you.

“Oh, thank you!” she said, her tone warming with motherly pride. “I got it done at this little salon near our house. I wasn’t sure if the color would suit me, but I’m glad you like it.”

You nodded eagerly, leaning into the conversation as if you hadn’t just saved your boyfriend from one of the most awkward moments of his life. “It really brings out your eyes,” you added, feeling Jungwon’s hand under the table give your knee a grateful squeeze.

As his mom continued to talk about her favorite salon, the conversation flowed smoothly—albeit with a few nervous glances exchanged between you and Jungwon. But for now, at least, the hickeys and last night’s chaos were safely tucked away, hidden under layers of polite conversation and egg toast.

You quietly took a bite of your egg toast, nodding along as Jungwon's parents chatted animatedly at the table. Suddenly, a familiar warmth settled on your thigh, and you felt a gentle squeeze that sent a shiver down your spine. You darted a glance at Jungwon, who was casually munching on his breakfast, acting innocent despite his hand now resting firmly on your leg.

“What are you doing?” you whispered, leaning slightly toward him, your voice low but urgent.

“Just touching my girlfriend. I’m allowed to, right?” he murmured back, a playful grin tugging at his lips as he took another calm bite, his hand lingering where it shouldn’t.

“You can, but not here,” you hissed, your eyes flicking quickly toward his parents to make sure they were still oblivious.

Jungwon’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “Finish up quick then, I need you... but I can wait until Mom and Dad leave,” he murmured, his hand softly tracing patterns on your thigh.

“Wonnie,” you whisper-teased, trying to stifle a laugh, “you should wait.” You lightly slapped his hand away, giving him a pointed look.

He pouted, clearly enjoying the game, but kept quiet as you both continued breakfast, hoping his parents hadn't noticed the quiet exchange.

• september seventeen, 14:37

masterlist.

p.sh | upcoming.

© iconchae | tumblr

[thepeonysbackup]

"Just one round.."

Alastor x Human!Reader

Summary: You wanted to get out some frustration, thinking a roleplay scenario would help your needs. But you didn't expect the sigil to summon a deal maker.

Part two

Request: Yes/No

[Warning, pure horny. A rough idea that popped into my head.]

Slammed back first against a sudden pentagram on the floor of your apartment, disheveled comfy clothes shifted and ripped off by the thick black tentacles pooling out of the lines in the floor, you let a shriek out as the appendages curled and coiled around you. They slithered and slid across your skin, feeling hot, almost boiling as they worked your supple flesh, kneading, and groping with a desperate clutch as you writhed against them feverishly. You never thought the summoning spell would work, wondering how many weeks it had been since you'd tried to summon them. It had been nearly a month, but how you ended up walking right into them at the perfect moment in the middle of the night was a mystery.

Each appendage glowed a subtle green, wrapping tighter around your legs and thighs, closer, closer, and closer to your mound that was merely covered by a pair of loose cotton panties. Once noticed, they were torn to shreads, your heat now free to the open air which erupted a squeak of surprise from your lips. "W-woah! Woah, woah wa-wait, wait a minute! Slow down, time-out!" A voice, graced with static tickled your ear everso slightly, interrupting your protesting almost immediately. "Why struggle? Cause my dear isn't this what you wanted? Wanted to be taken? Like what you had so deliciously begged for when you started that ritual?" The voice was salivating, seething through their teeth it seemed, gasping out their words as if it were a game. How charming they sounded even so. "How all you wanted was to be enraptured by something your disgusting little mind couldn't even comprehend. Something so foul that all you'd need would be.. Only.. one.. round...~" You whimpered at his voice as it dipped in tone, eyes widening as you tugged at your restraints, pathetically really because you could barely move from the lewd position you were being pinned in. "I could.." He drawled, a thinner tentacle trailing over your breast tugged at the fabric covering them before it merely started to roll and envelope one of your plump peaks. "Provide that experience if...-"

You cut him off, "Fuck- Please, yes yes, whatever you want-" You shouted aloud, head lulling to the side on the floor as your back arched with need into the feeling, your eyes finally noticing a pair of reddened boots beside you as well as a cane. As your eyes blearily drug up the figure you noticed his red suit with its white trim, monocle adorning his right eye as an ever present grin was plastered on his face. He looked more then amused with this situation to your shock. Weren't demons suppose to enjoy this kind of thing?

"Anything?" He cheerily inquired to you while tapping his cane against your face, head turning so that you'd see him better as he leaned over to peer down at you like one would to a bug. "Anything! Anything, please!!" You begged harder, voice void of any shame, you were such a needy little thing.

His silence made you shudder, a sudden feeling between your thighs rubbing perfect circles against your lower lips that edged you to moan wantonly before jutting your hips forward as a rather long piece of paper appeared before you and a quill hovered about. Now, one of your hands were free to take hold of the pen and you didn't waste a single second before signing it. "It's a deal then."

[mimimarvelingmarvel]

time bound part eleven

pairing: worst wolverine!logan howlett x f!mutant!reader

Part Eleven - Masterlist

summary: Y/n’s life takes a dramatic turn when the Time Variance Authority intervenes, pulling her from a critical moment in her timeline. The TVA sends her to the void where she eventually meets with Deadpool and a very familiar face. With Deadpool's universe in the balance, alongside his reluctant would-be pal, Wolverine, and the enigmatic time-bending mutant known as the Veil, the trio must complete the mission and save Deadpool’s world from an existential threat.

overall warnings: 18+, Fem!Reader, AFAB Reader, Use of Y/N, Her X-Men name is Veil, She/her pronouns, Swearing, Angst, Heavy Violence, Character Death, Deadpool (he���s his own warning), Hurt, Fluff, Angst, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, TVA

word count: 2.7k

a/n: longest and saddest chapter x

After we unceremoniously crash-land on a guy named Pete’s KIA he was attempting to sell, the impact crumpling the hood like a tin can, the sound of screeching metal echoes through the air, drowning out the distant city noise. Pete looks delighted to see Wade, something I never thought I would see. Wade gives him a quick recap before we are on the run, following him as he takes us towards the TVA.

As we walk down the bustling street, the chaotic sounds of the city engulf us—honking cars, distant chatter, and the occasional siren blaring in the distance. The air is thick with the smell of street food, a mixture of hot dogs, pretzels, and something sweet like roasted nuts. The vibrant life around me feels surreal, almost too good to be true after months trapped in that nightmarish place, where the only sounds were the howling winds and the distant echoes of something monstrous.

I notice a man in a dishevelled suit barreling toward us, his tie askew, and his face a mask of desperation and fear. Sweat beads on his forehead and his wild eyes lock onto us with an intensity that sends a shiver down my spine. His nose is broken and I hear Wade giggle beside me, no doubt his doing.

His voice cracks as he shouts, "No, stop, piss off, you’re too late." His voice is tinged with both panic and resignation as if he knows he’s already lost but can’t help fighting against the inevitable.

Logan’s muscles tense, and his voice drops to a growl, deep and menacing like a wolf ready to pounce. His hands curl into fists, the veins in his forearms bulging. "You’re fucking done," he snarls, each word laced with venom.

I glance at the stranger, confusion and wariness gnawing at me. "Who the fuck is this?" I demand, my voice harsher than I intended. The man’s presence feels wrong, like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit.

His face pales further, his voice trembling with the weight of whatever horror he’s seen. “You brought another Veil to this world? She was supposed to stay in the Void.” His eyes dart around.

"Zip it. Why was Thor crying?" Wade cuts in, his tone is light, mocking, but there’s an edge to it.

Paradox’s fear transforms into righteous indignation, his voice rising in a feeble attempt to regain control. “How dare you? No one comes back from The Void.” His hands twitch at his sides, as if he’s debating whether to fight or flee.

Wolverine’s growl deepens, the sound rumbling in his chest like a storm about to break. His eyes narrow, the cold fury in them unmistakable. "Tell that to Cassandra Nolva."

A sudden whirl of light and energy erupts behind us, the air crackling with raw power. I whip around just in time to see Pyro step through a swirling portal, his expression grim, his eyes shadowed with the burden of bad news. “Paradox, we have a problem,” he says, his voice low and urgent, as if he’s trying to contain the disaster that’s about to unfold.

Before anyone can react, Paradox’s neck snaps violently to the side with a sickening crunch, the sound echoing in the still air like a death knell. His body drops like a marionette whose strings have been cut, crumpling to the ground in a lifeless heap, his eyes staring blankly at nothing as Cassandra steps out from the portal, a cold smirk on her lips. Her eyes gleam with a malevolent intelligence, as if she’s always two steps ahead of everyone else.

Cassandra’s voice drips with malice, each word carefully enunciated as if savoring the moment. "Paradox? You tried to kill me."

Paradox’s voice shakes, a pathetic whimper escaping his lips, his once confident demeanor shattered. “I literally have no idea…” His words trail off into a pitiful whisper, his fear tangible in the air. Her hand, pale and elegant, wraps around his brain beneath the skin. “You come for the king, you better kill the king,” she says, her voice a deadly whisper that sends chills down my spine.

Deadpool grins wickedly, his teeth flashing in the dim light. "Oh, welcome to the skull-fuck club, Paradox. You know she doesn’t wash that hand." His tone is mocking.

Cassandra tilts her head, examining the man with detached curiosity, as if he’s nothing more than a specimen under a microscope. "Oh, what’s this? A Time-Ripper, you naughty boy," she murmurs, her voice a mixture of amusement and disdain.

"Oh no, we’re on it. We’re gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. We got you, boo; you just keep playing those keys." Wade flashes a playful wink.

Cassandra’s eyes narrow, a dangerous gleam in them as she steps closer, her presence suffocating. "I don’t want to destroy it. I want to use it." Her voice is laced with greed, a hunger for power that sends a jolt of fear through me.

My heart clenches in my chest as Cassandra’s gaze locks onto me, her power reaching out, invisible but suffocating. I gasp as I’m yanked off my feet, the force of her magic slamming me back into Logan’s chest. The impact is brutal, knocking the air from my lungs and sending us both crashing through a bakery window. The glass shatters around us, sharp shards slicing through the air like deadly confetti. The scent of fresh bread and sugar mingles with the coppery tang of blood, creating a nauseating cocktail that makes my head spin.

The impact knocks the wind out of me, and I struggle to breathe, my lungs burning as I gasp for air. Dust and debris swirl around us, and I manage to whisper, "Fuck," as I roll off Logan, wincing at the pain radiating through my body. My skin stings where the glass has cut me, and I can feel warm blood trickling down my arms and face.

Wade shakes off the dust, standing up with a grimace, his usual cocky swagger subdued. "You okay, Pumpkin?" he asks, his tone surprisingly gentle, concern flickering in his eyes.

I grunt, forcing myself to stand on shaky legs, every muscle screaming in protest. "Never better." My voice is hoarse, and I can feel the weight of exhaustion pressing down on me, but I push it aside. My eyes scan the chaotic scene outside, where people are running in every direction, their screams of terror echoing off the buildings. "I’m going to go stop her."

Logan tries to grab me, his fingers grazing my arm, but Wade holds him back, a rare seriousness in his eyes. "We’ve got other problems to deal with, buddy. Pumpkin’s got this, our little time ripper." He glances at me, a knowing look crossing his face, his expression almost… proud? "Oops—spoilers." He says to some unknown thing in the distance.

I shrug him off, giving Logan one last look, a silent plea in my eyes, before jogging toward the subway entrance. The stairs are steep and narrow, the fluorescent lights flickering overhead, casting everything in a sickly yellow hue. The tunnel is dark, the air heavy with the scent of metal and something more sinister, something that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. As I descend deeper, the sounds of the city fade away, replaced by the ominous hum of the machines below.

Paradox sits in a chair in the control room, his hands gripping the armrests so tightly his knuckles are white. His face is a mask of terror, his eyes wide and unblinking as he watches the screens in front of him.

"You dumb shit," I seethe, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him to face me. His eyes are wide, filled with the kind of fear that only comes when you realize you’ve truly fucked up. "What have you done?" My voice

I look up at the machines, their screens flashing erratically as Cassandra wreaks havoc on the timelines. Each beep and whirr of the machinery seems to punctuate the gravity of the situation, the digital displays a chaotic dance of numbers and warnings. “She’s going to destroy the whole existence of timelines until just the Void remains,” He says, his face pale and trembling.

“Fuck,” I mutter, my voice barely above a breath.

“You can stop her.” I look to him, hopeful. “That’s what’s so dangerous about you, but if you do that, you’ll die.” The weight of his words hits me like a physical blow. My heart pounds in my chest, and I stare into his eyes, searching for some hint of hope or another solution.

“You idiots didn’t make a failsafe?” My voice is sharp with frustration and fear.

Paradox nods, his eyes wide with terror. “But she’s the closest one to it. This is the only way.”

I shiver as the realization sinks in. The thought of my own death is a cold, hard reality that shakes me to my core. If I do this, I’m gone. But if I don’t, everyone else dies. My mind races with the enormity of the choice before me.

“Tell me what I have to do.”

Paradox, trembling, presses a small button on a console. A video screen flickers to life, displaying a grainy, distorted image of the control systems. “You have to bridge the gap between the two feeds of matter and anti-matter. It will implode the time ripper, killing Cassandra… and you.”

My breath catches in my throat, a shaky exhale escaping my lips. “If you see Logan, tell him I’m sorry.” I step away, my legs feeling heavy and leaden. “Where is it?”

He points shakily toward the lower levels. I nod, turning toward the stairs, each step feeling like a mile as I make my way to the feeder room. The weight of the impending sacrifice presses down on me, and I try to steady my shaking hands. My heart races as I think of the life I’m leaving behind, the people I’m leaving behind.

As I descend, the cool, musty air of the stairwell wraps around me, each step echoing in the silence. I can feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, memories flashing before me. The joyous moments, the regrets, and the lingering fear of leaving Logan behind. The thought of not having a legacy, of leaving without making a mark, terrifies me.

At the bottom of the stairs, a long hallway stretches out before me, lit by flickering lights that cast eerie shadows on the walls. I pause at the end, my gaze fixed on the door ahead. The lights behind the glass window flicker and pulse, mirroring the turmoil within me. I take a step forward, but my knee buckles, and I hit the ground, a vision of blinding white light assaulting my eyes. The intensity of it nearly overwhelms me, but it fades as quickly as it came.

I try to sit up, my body trembling with fear. I need to do this. I force myself to stand, my hand reaching for the door. Just as I’m about to push it open, a voice echoes down the hallway, stopping me in my tracks.

I hear my name cut through the tension like a blade. “Y/N!”

My heart leaps into my throat, a jolt of adrenaline making me spin around. Logan is rushing toward me, his face a storm of fear and determination. His eyes, usually so controlled, are wide with panic and desperation. Behind him, Wade follows, his usual irreverent demeanor replaced by a rare, somber resolve.

“What are you doing?” Logan's voice is a mix of terror and disbelief, his eyes locking onto mine with an intensity that makes my resolve waver.

“It has to be me.” I tell him, standing my ground.

Logan’s expression morphs into one of resolute defiance. “No, I won’t let you die. I’ll do it.”

Deadpool’s voice slices through the tension, his usual levity gone, replaced by an uncharacteristic seriousness. “No can do, Peanut. It’s gotta be me.”

Logan’s confusion is immediate, his brow furrowing deeply. “What?”

Deadpool’s gaze drops, his face revealing a rare moment of vulnerability. “You didn’t ask for any of this. You were right. I lied. I lied right to your face. Just to get you to help me. You did.”

Logan’s eyes dart between Deadpool and me, filled with frantic desperation. “You didn’t lie. You made an educated wish. You got a whole world to go back to.”

His gaze settles back on me, filled with a raw, unspoken plea. “I would never let you leave me in a world without you again. I got nothing without you, so give me this.”

I shake my head slowly, tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. Logan’s movement toward the door is resolute, but the sight of his anguished expression tears at my heart. I cry harder, my sobs echoing down the narrow hallway.

Deadpool steps closer, his face lined with a rare gravity. “I waited a long time for this team-up. And you know something? You’re the best Wolverine.”

The sincerity in his voice is a stark contrast to his usual banter, and it shatters my resolve. I look at Wade, my vision blurring with tears.

Logan freezes, his body paralyzed by my powers, a look of helpless frustration etched deeply into his features. Wade stands still beside me, his eyes filled with unspoken sorrow, a silent acknowledgment of the inevitability of my choice.

“Y/N? What are you doing?”

I force myself to push down my tears, my voice trembling as I answer. “I’m doing the right thing.”

I walk past them, the effort to stop me almost tangible, their emotions reaching out like a desperate plea. I reach the door, the cold metal handle biting into my hand as I pull it open, stepping inside. The door slams shut behind me with a finality that reverberates through the hallway, their desperate shouts muffled by the thick, reinforced walls.

Logan’s roar of frustration is visceral, the impact of his body slamming into the door sending a shudder through the corridor.

“Open the door!” He screams.

“I can’t, Logan. You know it has to be me. I couldn’t save them, but I can save you.” I hold a hand up to the glass.

Logan’s voice cracks, the raw emotion evident. “Why are you fucking doing this?”

“Because I love you.” I finally admit, my heart cracking at the weight of my confession.

Logan’s response is a choked, pained cry, tears streaking down his cheeks as he pounds on the door again. His anguish is palpable, each strike against the door a testament to his heartbreak.

“You fucking idiot.”

Deadpool’s voice is strained, filled with uncharacteristic desperation. “Pumpkin? Don’t do this.”

“I love you.” I tell him again.

Logan’s voice softens, a heartbreaking admission. “I love you too.”

A sad smile tugs at my lips as I hear his final words, knowing they’re the last I’ll hear from him. “That’s all I needed to hear to know I’m doing the right thing.”

I turn away from the door, my resolve solidifying as I move toward the center of the bridge. The matter and anti-matter streams twist and writhe with chaotic energy, their raw power casting erratic shadows across the room. Cassandra stands above, the time ripper in her control, her silhouette a dark, menacing figure against the flickering lights.

I reach out, gripping the matter stream first. The metal is cold and unyielding, but as my hands close around it, blue lightning crackles up my arms. The strain is immense, and I grit my teeth as I pull the stream toward the anti-matter, the effort causing my body to shake violently. The raw power surges through me like a tempest, each pulse of energy a painful reminder of the cost of my choice.

I barely graze the anti-matter before finally getting a firm grip on it. The contact sends a jolt of searing agony through my body, and I cry out, the pain almost unbearable. The lights above flicker wildly, their erratic dance mirroring the tumultuous energy converging within me. The pounding on the door fades into a distant echo, Logan and Wade’s voices reduced to frantic, muffled pleas.

As the matter and anti-matter streams converge within me, a blinding white light envelops me, consuming everything in its intensity. My vision fades to a blur of white, the world dissolving around me, until finally—black.

Next Part

A/N: angst.

taglist: @oscarissac2099 @somiaw @100percentlazybonez @obsessedwthdilfs @sun7lowxr @corvid007

[liliannadelaphinehartifelt]

Alastor - [ DEVOTION Pt. 5 ]

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Back from the dead… Did you miss my loves? ;) Fair warning: this part is a bit tedious and emotional. Also, please go check out @lustylita. Their art is divine, and I'm addicted to seeing it! I bet you'll love their work, too!

WARNINGS; [ MDNI ] + [ MENTIONS & DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD & HORROR ] + [ PREGNANCY TROPE...I know but just deal with it for now... ] + [ANGST ] + [ CANNIBALISM ]

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There was so much blood; it was all you could see, painted over every surface you laid your eyes on.

It drenched your skin, trickling from your shaky hands to the void below your feet, filling the space drop by drop like an un-fillable pool.

A heavy smell of iron and decay engulfed your senses, pungent and nauseating. It was nothing like you'd imagined the color red to smell, far from the sweet scent of a blossoming spring rose or a freshly picked basket of crisp apples. The texture did nothing to offset the unsettling substance; it was lukewarm, thick, and seemingly unable to dissipate.

You tried wiping it away, smearing it on any other surface but your skin; however, more would congeal out of thin air. It was frightening, maddening even, and you became desperate to wipe it off with all your might.

Why wouldn't it just disappear?

Where was it coming from?!

Were you going to drown in it?!

An overwhelming shroud of dread consumed you, a scream of utter horror ripping from your chest as the blood beneath your feat rose rapidly, and all you could do was stumble in it: no doors, no openings, no light. Just an endless void produced a never-ending stream of horror that clung to you like glue. You'd never wanted to escape something so badly, falling to your knees as shock racked your minor form, "Let me out! Make it stop! Please, somebody, make it stop!"

Tears streamed down your face, disappearing into the sea of red, aiding nothing but your inner panic.

This had to be some nightmare. A terrible dream you'd awake from at any minute.

It had to be, or the distant screams that were emerging from the darkness would've taken shape into anything but the disfigured bodies floating around you. Each one more mangled the last, terror written over every corpse's face -what was left of it anyway- and you almost envied their deceased state. They'd long passed on, strangers to you, but ever present in these horrific nightmares that worsened the closer you got to giving birth. At least they were dead, fortunate enough to plague your nightmares and not endure this cycle of torture, but they were the sole reason you lost more and more sleep.

You knew this part of the nightmare well; those bodies would remain, but a familiar mix of voices would emerge. You recognized Alastor's sultry tone first, used to hearing it, but the childlike giggles that mingled after his words were newer to you.

"Curiouser and curiouser said little Alice…" he hummed in delight, earning another string of giggles and drawing your attention in their direction.

There he sat, an arm's length away from you, two small children nestled in his lap, their faces hidden behind the book in his hands.

"Alastor?.." you whispered, hoping to gain his attention, unsure if what you saw was real but desperate for a sense of safety. He didn't budge, continuing to read as if you'd never spoken, "The white rabbit scampered off faster and faster, leaving her to wonder and shout after him…"

The children in his lap swung their tiny feet excitedly, voices muffled as they inquired about the story, and Alastor chuckled at their enthusiasm.

What the fuck is happening?...

Anger and confusion consumed your thoughts, urging you to stand and stalk to where your husband sat. He still ignored you, eyes never leaving the book and his smile widening as you drew closer. It was then that you saw it: splatters of blood on his face, hands, and clothes.

Just the same as the night he went hunting, a memory you'd yet to forget, and it seemed your conscience refused to let it go. You tried again to gain his attention, stepping behind him to see the children he held, but he gave no answer, and their faces appeared to blur.

Two things were clear: their smiles mirrored Alastor's perfectly, and their white clothes were stained with blood. Your stomach twisted in knots at the sight, a deep unease settling over you as they reached for you, hands covered in red like Alastor's. Panic overtook you then, your horrified screams overlapping their cheery giggles and his constant reading.

It was all too much, too vivid, and scarring.

You needed to wake up, or you'd surely lose your mind.

So, you screamed, shutting your eyes tight to block out the sight and shrinking away from it in hopes of escape.

"Y/n!?.. Sweetheart, wake up. Open your eyes, come on now," Alastor sat up in your shared bed, gently shaking your shoulders and carefully shifting to hover above you. He awoke to the sounds of your sharp, frantic breathing, recently accustomed to the sounds that stemmed from vivid night terrors. This was your third nightmare of the week, a bad one from what he could gather out of your strained expression and the stray tears staining your cheeks; how he hated to see his darling wife in peril, harboring a deep resentment to whatever troubled your lovely mind but unable to console you completely.

Alastor did not care about many things, and seeing you frantic amid sleep was one of them. As beautiful as you were laying beside him, round with his children and ever so content to bear them, he knew the least he could do was soothe your troubles, even if they were his fault, to begin with.

"Ma chere, wake up. I'm right here…" Alastor tried again to rouse you, and this time, your eyes fluttered open at the sound of his voice. "A-alastor?…" you choked on a quiet sob, crying silently as his face came into focus, and though you wanted to feel comforted by his attentive nature, the only thing on your mind was the details of your nightmare coming to life.

Blood.

His, yours, a strangers?

It didn't matter where it came from, but the notion of how it stuck to your husband's skin and clothes that night he left your side as if he'd willingly bathed in it stuck with you far longer than anticipated.

Alastor studied your expressions carefully, not bothering to wear his glasses in the dead of night to see you when the pale moon gave enough light to do so, but oh, how it pained him to see you crying.

"My dear…shh, it's alright. You're safe and sound with me. No need to cry." He lay beside you again, sitting up just enough to caress your head into his chest. Though his words were sweet and loving, your tears only flowed faster hearing them.

It was as if you couldn't help yourself, wanting to feel secure in his arms but fearful of him simultaneously. Alastair had never treated you harshly, bad-mouthed you, or given any indication that he had anything negative to say about your character. So, why couldn't you let go of your anxiety around him, see him in your dreams as the lovely man you'd grown to love and marry, or scrub the image of that single night from your conscience?

He was hunting. He was hunting. He was hunting.

That's what you kept telling yourself, trying not to consider the other odd things that occurred that night, but it didn't prove easy. Night terrors became crying fits, and baseless doubts morphed into suspicions you weren't entirely ready to investigate.

You'd been with Alastor for too long and assumed you knew him like others since he was your husband and a soon-to-be father of your children. What kind of wife harbors unfounded fears toward their spouse? It broke your heart to consider such a fault in your character, adding to the ache in your chest as sobs dwindled into slowed buffs of breath, and after a moment of breathing steadily, you quieted down.

Alastor remained calm the whole time, humming a new tune he'd aired on his broadcast a few nights prior, but as your cries subsided, he resorted to muttering comforting words to you again.

"These nightmares won't last forever, darling." He kissed the top of your head, glancing down at your fully round stomach hidden under the covers. His shadows lurked closer as he stared at it, heightening his hearing range enough to act his habit of listening for any irregularities in the babies' or your heartbeat. Still, when he heard none, his focus returned to you entirely. "I know.." you mumble hoarsely, tired from crying and somewhat frustrated with your thoughts. The subtle flutters in your abdomen didn't help your predicament either, a prime signal that your restless dreaming had stirred a craving and, ultimately, another reason for you to be awake at an unusual hour.

So much for sleeping well while pregnant.

You thought bitterly, moving to sit up and gather your bearings before making any move to find a late-night snack in the kitchen. Alastor eyed you carefully, smiling softly at the sight of your small form emerging from the mass of covers, unable to stop admiring your delicate beauty that practically amplified itself as you got closer to giving birth. Your curves filled out the silk nightgown you wore nicely, your hair growing long enough to reach your back even while frazzled from sleep, and your skin seemed to always glow without blemishes.

What he favored admiring most was how you carried his children; small as you were, many thought twins would give you problems, but their assumptions couldn't be further from the truth. You, his darling wife, were more patient than most, and though you possessed a soft heart, your will was solid. That is why Alastor could not stand the thought of you being in turmoil. For eight months, he kept his regular life routine consistent, sparing any time he could to spend with you, but as of late, your terrors and mental state seemed unbalanced, which prompted the radio host to be home more often.

Alastor believed his constant presence was helping, comforting you in some way, but little did he know that your troubled behavior worsened because of it.

You finally sat up straight in bed with a bit of help from him, swiping away any tears left on your cheeks while catching your breath, but the latter task proved difficult as the movement in your belly doubled.

"Oh goodness…they never rest," you exhale sharply, trying to mask your annoyed tone with a flit of soft laughter, but Alastor picks up on your irritation immediately. It almost annoys you how fast he reads you, but you can't seem to tell he's the reason you've been acting off.

"Well, I'd be worried if they did, ma chere, but you seem rather fed up with it." he met your tired gaze, eyes alight with affectionate mischief, but you found nothing he said amusing at that moment.

Especially when the image of him covered in blood with the same look in his eyes crossed your mind.

"How could you say such a thing?!.." you snapped at Alastor, glaring his way before hurrying out of bed, snatching up your robe from the end of it as he tried to process your sudden outburst.

He'd never been one to be left dumbfounded, but you'd managed to leave him that way countless times in recent weeks. Unfortunately, it couldn't be prevented since the unruly nature of hormones made your gentle demeanor prickly.

He hated it, not knowing how to handle you and being very unsure of his ability to do so.

"A crude jokester you are, Al. I can not believe you!" you grumbled angrily, slipping on your robe and reaching for the door when it was secure around your body. He took a deep breath, standing out of bed, taking a moment to think. He reached for his glasses on the nightstand.

"My dear, wait-" Alastor called for you calmly, placing his glasses on with a heavy sigh, leaving his chest as you ignored him and left the room to trek downstairs.

Dramatic little thing, isn't she?

Hush up. It'll pass like all the other fits…

I wouldn't be so sure of that, my friend.

His shadows loomed in the darkest corners, embodying his hidden concerns but remaking still as he followed your path to the kitchen. He found you rummaging the cabinets, frustration peeking through your expression and flurry movements. You tried to keep from crying again as you searched for something to eat that would satisfy the lurking hunger pregnancy caused. Besides the medically recommended meals and traditional diets your doctor advised you to adhere to, you often opted for dishes Amgelique had told you to indulge in. Most included rarely done meats cooked by her, Alastor, or Rosie. She'd also given you specific fruits, herbs, and vegetables to ingest. All of which curves your appetite better than any doctor's diet.

Luckily, Rosie had stopped by earlier in the day with dishes shed prepared for you, and when the memory reoccurred, you rushed over to the fridge to find them.

There they sat, platters of food, some full of meat you couldn't quite figure out its origin, and others filled with various sweets and fruit. Alastor watched as a content smile adorned your face, returning your dark expression to its bright state. With a careful hand, you took a plate from the fridge, laying the other on your round belly while gently uncovering the platter. "One little bite, and it's back to bed," you whispered to no one in particular. Now, you were searching for a pan to reheat the food with, but your search halted, and you felt familiar hands rest on your hips.

You frowned, pouting stubbornly as his chest met your back.

Did he not understand you were angry with him at the moment?

"Al, please leave me be. Go back to bed and get some rest," you mumble dismissively, attempting to slip away from his embrace, but Alastor refuses to let you go. "No," he firmly states, peppering kisses along your shoulder and neck and stopping behind your ear, "I can't stand when you're upset with me, sweetheart. Let alone sleep when I know I've done or said something to offend you."

You try to hold a glare at the wall in front of you, swallowing an excited gasp as his lips find an overly sensitive spot on your neck, but it only takes a moment for you to cave. "Mmph..Al..," you whisper tentatively, relaxing into his taller frame as he passes a hand up and down your stomach. "Darling," he utters, voice smooth in your ear and breath cool against your neck. The endearing title makes your heart flutter, and your anger slowly dissipates hearing it. A light shiver racks your spine, bringing a coy smile to your face as you turn to face him head-on.

The dreamy look in his amber-brown eyes captivated you instantly, expressing the apology he was bound to give you -as ridiculous as the point of it was. Still, you accepted it, forgetting your hunger for a moment to hear what he had to say.

"It wasn't my intention to upset you, ma chere,"

You nodded, not avoiding the ginger kiss he placed on your forehead while running a hand through your hair.

"I shall be more careful with my words in the future. Will you forgive me this once?.." Alastor held your stare, letting the question linger before glancing at your swollen stomach. You followed his gaze, resolved to soften at the sight of his large hand lying atop yours, gently rising from the languid kicks produced by the children inside.

Your wedding rings glinted in the golden light of the kitchen chandelier, reminding you that Alastor was more than just a man who'd inadvertently hurt your feelings, but rather your husband who'd made an effort to apologize for his mistake.

Apologizing didn't come easy to him, nor did admitting his faults, so you forgave him despite feeling a twinge of unease about letting him off the hook.

"I forgive you, Al."

A tenderness enveloped your response, earning a soft smile that proceeded to a lingering kiss on your lips. Alastor leaned into your touch as your hands reached to cup his face; humming softly, you accepted his tongue into your warm mouth. You melted in his hold, trying to forget your nightmares, irrational anger, and suspicions as the kiss became intense.

His hands found your waist, keeping you close with cautious strength, trying his best to ignore the arousal he felt as your filled-out curves molded to his touch, but the sliver of restraint he had snapped when you moaned quietly into his mouth.

It was such a sweet sound, sending blood rushing to his cock faster than he cared to admit, and its effect didn't go unnoticed by you.

"I may have forgiven you, my love, but that doesn't mean you're completely out of the woods yet," you scold him playfully after pulling away from the kiss, giggling as he glares down at you, "And how, pray to tell, do I get 'completely out of the woods,' my dear?" You perk up, glancing at the plate on the counter, "Sharing a late-night dinner with me would be a good start."you suggest.

Alastor eyes the dish, immediately identifying the contents on it.

Rosie never failed to make the best meals for you, just like him and his mother, taking the time out to prepare prey he'd hunted down himself since he couldn't do it at home with you being there all the time, and trustworthy enough to not mention to you exactly what kind of meat you were being served.

After all, your children needed to be healthy, and Alastor was sure starting them off on a healthy diet similar to his would be beneficial in the long run.

He didn't mind a pair of miniature cannibals running around the house. If he played his cards right, you'd unknowingly continue to be one.

With all these factors in mind, your husband happily agreed to have a midnight meal with you,

"Well then, I have no choice but to join you, darling. I'll take care of the food, and you go lounge about in the parlor," he instructs, not leaving room for your assistance and being quick to get you comfortable until the meal is ready.

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The next day, Rosie stopped by with Mimzy, another good friend of Alastor's, but not a close one to you. After all, she had openly admitted to pining for your husband at your wedding reception. Although she was very drunk at the time, you couldn't bring yourself to get the whole ordeal. However, you were still cordial to each other most of the time, and it just so happened Rosie had run into her in town, which led to them deciding to visit.

"It's nice to see you again, Mimzy," you greet her with a tight smile, letting Rosie help you sit on the sofa next to her as the stout blonde sat on an adjacent armchair before curtly responding. "It's been a while, hasn't it, Y/n? It seems you and Al have been pretty busy," Mimzy eyes your stomach, a cheeky grin plastered on her face as she refers to your current state, but the smile drops when Rosie cuts into the exchange.

"Now, now, Mimzy, don't be bitter," she throws her a slightly playful glare, ignoring the eye roll Mimzy gives in return as she focuses on you. "How are you feeling, dear? You're only a few weeks away, right?! Oh, I can't wait to meet the little devils!" her excitement pours off in waves, and you contract it without much resistance. Smiling wide, you express your thoughts while picking up the bundle of yarn you were crocheting into a pair of matching white onesies right before their surprise arrival.

"Oh, I feel wonderful! It's hard to breathe sometimes, and they kick quite a lot, but I suppose that means they're healthy!… I'm two weeks from what the doctor told us, but Alastors mother thinks I'll have them much sooner." You laugh, nervous about the delivery process but more than ready to give birth. Rosie squealed happily, hands clasped before her chest as she gushed over the news. "That's just wonderful to hear, dear! However, I agree with Al's mother about the due date. You look as if you're going to pop any minute!" Mimzy followed her light-hearted comment with a stiff grunt, "How exciting. Don't tell me all you have for them is…that?." The blonde motions a hand at your crochet project, clearly judging your lack of baby items, but before you can give her a snarky response, Rosie perks up again.

"Oh, that reminds me! Come this weekend, I will be hosting your shower, dear. Al and I arranged it some time ago as a surprise since there's a good chance you'll have them in a week. I'm spoiling it." She clapped eagerly, giggling at your shocked reaction, "I… I don't know what to say, Rosie? Th-thank you so much!" you shifted to give her a tight hug; she accepted it but pulled away to look you in the eyes.

"Al doesn't want you worrying about a thing. This party was his suggestion. I'm merely fulfilling a favor to friends…" she paused, lightly caressing your stomach with one hand before finishing her explanation. "…and my soon-to-be god niece and nephew."

You nod in agreement but raise a brow as confusion floods your features.

"Neice and Nephew?" you ask Rosie, and she sits up straight with a knowing smile. "Well, that's just my guess, honey. We can't be certain until they're out in the world."

Something about her words sent a chill up your spine, a stray suspicion creeping back into you, and curiosity filling your head as you recounted Alasror and his mother making similar comments.

They were so sure of the twins' genders that they never explained how they knew, but they were adamant that their assumptions weren't wrong.

How strange…

You peered at the onesies in your hand, fiddling with needles wrapped in yarn, in deep thought as Rosie and Mimzy chatted about the shower. More so Roise since Minzy grumbled about the whole ordeal…

For a while, you tuned them out, murmuring a response whenever they sought your input but generally reserved as they continued. Your mind was elsewhere, considering the reality of being a mother relatively soon and contemplating if your waning sanity would rebuild itself.

It was expected that you would feel fed up with pregnancy at some point; the aches, pains, and anticipation of it all would come to an end. You were grateful for it, but some ailments wouldn't easily be shaken off, and each one stemmed from an uncertainty you felt towards Alastor.

The nightmares.

The suspicions.

The guilt of losing trust in him.

The grudges cultivated from being lied to shut out of your husband's truths and treated so fragile as if you aren't already sacrificing your strength to make him happy.

You'd do anything for him. You'd done everything for him, yet in nine months, the small voice of doubt you chose to ignore for so long was now blaring like a siren.

He's hiding something from me…and they all know it.

You eyed Rosie as the thought crossed your mind, careful not to show your anger as it swelled in your chest, nearly bubbling over as the memories of her and everyone else reasonably close to Alastor doting on you for the past several months. All those smiles, the tidbits of odd advice, the cover-ups for when he was out late at night, and the absurd amount of times they'd all so clearly lied to your face.

It infuriated you…

You weren't stupid, quick to trust, but hardly a brainless woman.

Being treated like a porcelain doll, emotionally and mentally, was something you learned to endure since childhood. Your father believed it was for your good, that he was doing you a favor by sheltering you from the world's cruelty, and you hated it with a passion. Alastor was one of the few who knew this, but he'd blatantly begun to treat you just the same.

You were his wife, his supposed 'darling doe', but weren't nearly cherished enough to be told the truth?

To be a aware of whatever secret he was keeping?

He could proclaim his devotion loud and clear but shut you out in the same breath…

It hurt.

Plain and simple.

But one way or another, you'd get him to understand, make him see you as a confidant rather than a show doll to be kept in a glass cabinet, and come what may, you'd made up your mind.

You weren't weak and certainly not fond of being lied to.

xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxx

Fun fact: I finished Chapter 8 of this fic, and it's officially reached Novel level. Like 40 000 words type shit. I am beyond surprised at myself but proud nonetheless. I hope you don't mind the heavy angst in the following few chapters (including this one), but I had a purpose for this plot -not just straight smut. That isn't to say part 8 won't have any ;)... Anyway, give me some feedback on this one. I want to know where you guys think this story is headed...

TAGS ❤️: @rapturenyx @michi-keinz @shealizxx @nissrinina @destinyisastar @bubblegumheartsy @sailorsmouth @aestheticgals-blog @rameisa @ellesette

[ BONUS CONTENT + ]

I'm never making it to heaven if I keep obsessing over this psychotic deer demon. Credits to creator ❤️

[nouvxllev]

the girl across your street || pt4

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader

Summary: You imagine telling Jenna it was her that made you pursue your dreams in becoming a director. Yet, you imagine telling her you carried your love for her as if it were a burden. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, now you weren't so sure who she was to you anymore. It was the day she came back, your soul could never be more disoriented.

Words: 3.3k

Warnings: slight angst, swearing, and probably (?) the longest chapter.

a/n: sneaked a taylor swift lyric in there

part 5 || masterlist

You feel nothing.

You feel like crying. 

You feel like shouting at her.

You feel you like want to tell her how much you went through because of her.

Yet, you feel nothing more than to kiss her.

You imagine telling Jenna it was her that made you pursue your dreams in becoming a director. Yet, you imagine telling her you carried your love for her as if it were a burden. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, now you weren't so sure who she was to you anymore. It was the day she came back, your soul could never be more disoriented.

You turned your heel, heading the way to who knows where. You just wanted to fill the consuming void of your heart with something, anything.

"Y/n! Y/n, wait, please!" Jenna's voice reached you, seeping into your heart. Yet, you blocked it out as if it were the last thing you desired, even if a part of you yearned to hear that symphony one last time.

You wanted to talk to her, you really do, but the years of pent-up anger made you hesitant. You fear you'll eventually mutter something you'll eventually regret.

"Y/n, can we talk please!? "Jenna's calls persisted, her voice trembling, and her footsteps growing louder with each plea. The ringing in your ears seemed relentless ever since she said your name.

For a moment, you stop, and for a moment, your world flickered.

"I'm surprised you even remembered my name." You turned to her, almost seeing her eyes flinch at your words.

Jenna straightened, and you couldn't help but notice the changes in her over the years. Yet, that familiar glint in her eyes remained unchanged. You don't know much about yours. "I never forgot you, Y/n."

"But you made me feel like I was."

"I didn't mean to. I—"

"What do you mean you didn't mean to, Jenna? You never told me you were moving away. You never shared anything. No texts, no calls, not even a note under my door saying you were leaving. Nothing," you began, your voice tapering off into a shaky breath, cracks surfacing.

"You called me special, one of the few you let inside your heart. Then you just went and left without a word." Tears streamed down your face as Jenna remained silent. Her lack of response told you everything. Maybe she did intend to leave, you thought, maybe she never cared about you in the first place.

"Don't you understand how much that killed me?"

Jenna's mouth opened and closed, as if she wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. You wanted her to say something, really anything, anything if it meant being given an explanation.

"I'm— I'm sorry, Y/n. I thought you wouldn't really care, I— I'm really sorry."

"Wouldn't care? Jenna, I fucking loved you."

Her eyes widened, and yours did the same. Complete silence hung heavy in the air as you try to get a word in, play it off as if you didn't mean it.

"You loved me?"

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

A voice in your head told you were too deep to crawl out, submerged in your own emotions and turmoil to even see the sunlight.

"I hate how it's impossible to hate you, Jenna. Even after all those years, I still love you so much," you confessed, tears welling in your eyes, regret consuming the moment. "I can't even pretend that I hate you."

"Y/n, I also—"

"I have to go, Jenna. Forget this ever happened."

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It had been months working with Jenna, and it's been months since the both of you last talked. In that time, you swore on yourself to keep everything beneath you, and the relationship you have with Jenna is only for professional matters. It hurt you deep inside, as much it pains you to admit it, but you wished you never told her you loved her.

Emma decided to take on guiding Jenna whenever she encountered a problem, which, she never really did. She was a skilled actress, you always knew that from the bottom of your heart, and seeing her act was like something out of a fantasy. You also sometimes helped her, but you always kept it brief for God knows what. You'd always think that you'll someday break out into tears yet again.

You stared at Jenna from afar at your own seat, seated at the corner where one could assume that you're busy with your own things. You had your headphones own, funny how you had them instead of Jenna, listening to the songs that Jenna once recommended for you. To maybe just feel a little something beyond sadness.

'…I've been broken-hearted

Blue since the day we parted

Why, why did I ever let you go?

Mamma mia, now I really know

My-my I could never let you go…'

It's ironic how this is the song she recommended a while back. Maybe this was her way of telling you she was going away, who knows?

Somebody tapped on your headphones, and before you looked up, you already knew who it was.

"You alright, y/n?" Emma asked, sitting down in front of you with a bottle of wine. Emma was always the one who was there for you at your lowest, she can almost sense whenever you are.

She poured it into your glass, and you drank without a single breath wasted. You continue to pour more until Emma stopped your arm.

"Okaaaay, I think that was the signal that you aren't fine."

"I’m…" Your gaze shifted to Jenna, a smile covering her entire face as she tries to drink a whole bottle of scotch dared by her co-stars. You could almost laugh at it if you weren’t drinking until your vision turns black. "I'm fine, Emma, don't worry."

Emma eyed you, concern etched on her face. "You've been drinking your sorrows away, y/n. And I'm not talking about the good kind of drinking your sorrows away. It's the type where you're attempting to kill yourself." She attempted to lighten the mood with a smile, but your attention remained fixed on Jenna.

Emma followed your gaze and then turned back to you. "You guys should talk."

Your eyes shot to her, "What do you mean?"

"You and Jenna. You think I haven’t seen you guys looking at each other from afar?" Her mouth curved into a smirk, taking her own glass and a sip of it.

You glanced back at your playlist, the cover being Jenna herself. "I don’t want to talk to her, Emma. I mean, what would I even say?"

"I don't know, y/n. Give her a chance to talk to you. You never really did since the last time you guys talked."

"How'd you know?" Regret flooded in as you realized you let your anger get the best of you that time. You were always the one to calm down before exploding, what happened to you?

"Jenna miiight've told me." Emma noticed your furrowed eyebrows and the slight of regret in your eyes. "Don't be mad at her, y/n. She doesn't really have anyone to talk to about you."

"I… I'm not mad. Just wished she talked to me." Fiddling with your phone, your voice faltered to a whisper.

Emma sighed, it's like she was talking to a toddler at this point. "She couldn't when you built walls over her, y/n. Every time she talks to you, you dismiss her."

"I'm—"

"You're too afraid to let her into your heart one last time, y/n, I know, but continuing to do that won't let anything progress between the two of you. If anything, it just makes you more scared. Take the risk, y/n, you always loved doing that before."

Your eyes met hers, and you were surprised by the seriousness in Emma's gaze. You never really expected Emma to give a heartfelt talk, everytime she comforts you, it always had a little fun in it, but this time it was different. "You're literally the last person I should be getting a tedtalk from." You finally smiled.

Emma returned the smile, grateful she had brought some lightness back into your expression after weeks of it gone. "What can I say? I'm versatile!" Both of you turned your attention back to Jenna, who looked your way before averting her gaze.

"Looks like she's also hoping you'd come to her." Emma stood up, ready to join the rest of the group. "You'll talk to her, right?"

"I'll try."

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It was already nearing midnight, and the store was about to close. You and Emma were settling the tab for the night's expenses while the rest of the group tidied up and exchanged goodbyes but Jenna stayed on the pool table poorly wasted and most likely unconscious to the bone.

After expressing gratitude to the bar owner, you and Emma exchanged glances, both sharing concern in your eyes while looking at Jenna.

"You take her home," Emma said, running to grab her jacket, keys, and already waving goodbye.

"Wait, what!?"

"Take care, love you always!" Emma dashed to the door and swiftly made her way to her car, leaving you alone with Jenna.

"Wait! Emma!—" you shouted before turning your attention back to Jenna. You sighed, picked up her bag, and draped her coat over her. Taking a deep breath, you lifted Jenna in your arms, her limbs wrapping around your neck as her head hung low.

After several minutes of struggling to open the door with one hand, managing different heavy bags, fiddling with your car keys, and taking care of Jenna, you finally got the car door open. Carefully, you seated Jenna inside, securing her seatbelt.

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You took her in your house just across from her old one. Oh how you've missed the feeling of being with her in this neighborhood.

You kicked off your shoes then walked to your bedroom where you carefully placed Jenna onto your bed.

Sitting down beside her, you immediately realized exhaustion took a toll on you. Your eyes were already falling heavy from the amount of work you exerted, though you knew you needed a shower.

You glanced at Jenna, wondering how she even knew you were filming a set. You were an upcoming director, sure, but you never really worked on big movies with a big budget or even working with big creators. But your name was definitely known somewhat.

Sighing, you stood up to fetch clean clothes and a towel, turning on the faucet for a much-needed shower.

In your time of organizing your things and fetching some clothes, you wonder why Jenna even did all of this. You knew Jenna wasn't the one for being pressured, especially in the entertainment network. She knew a lot of people who succumbed to the pressure of being in the spotlight, a walking billboard who has less control over their life as she would say. But you also knew acting is her passion, and she embraces it like a shooting star. You could only hope she wouldn't be burnt out by the increasing amount of workload she has.

With your eyes and brain already falling asleep, you turn the lights on at your bedroom with fresh clothes hanging by your arm. You close your eyes for a brief second, trying to not get the lights shined bright at you like you just walked by heavens gate.

"Wooahoh, holy shit— fuck!"

To your surprise, Jenna was awake, and staring you dead in the eyes with her iconic Kubrik stare. Damn, after all those years, she still has that flair for scaring the living shit out of somebody.

She was sitting on the ledge of the balcony, the cold wind of air in your street brought her a sense of nostalgia. She held the broken DSLR you owned, and you noticed the faint sound of your voices, distorted by glitches.

"You kept your DSLR?"

You went over to the bathroom then turned off the faucet, placing your clothes on a hanger placed on a wall. "Well, it's my first camera. Of course, I did." You called out.

You approached Jenna, sitting down with her on the ledge. You looked up at her, and you were suddenly reminded how you fell for her in the first place.

She fiddled with the camera, scrolling through the videos until she reached the last one.

"Aliyah! Aliyah, wait!"

"Y/n! Hey…"

"Where's—Where's Jenna? Is she going back to your house for her birthday?"

"Didn't she tell you? She's going across the country; she just got cast for a character in a film!"

You could only hear the faint sound of your camera crashing onto the ground and your glitchy 'what?' being muttered in the background before the battery on your camera dies. You look up to see Jenna's face, looking like she regrets everything she has done.

"I'm—I'm sorry for saying those things when we talked." You started, getting close to her until you were facing her and in arms reach. "I should've given you the time to say your side of the story."

She put the camera down on a table that was close to your window. "It's fine, I understand, I mean, I was a total shithead." Her voice was raspy, likely from recently waking up.

You laughed a bit, funny how she was the only one that made you laugh after the years she made you cry. "You never changed."

She looked up at you, a spark coming alive in her eyes as she tries to get comfortable in your space. "I could also say the same to you, dork."

"Hey, people say I've grown out of that phase."

"You're still that same dork to me. Always so eager to film a scene, going out of your way to do some idiotic shit on film, and that sparkle in your eyes stayed the same."

It was always something from Jenna that made you absolutely mad at her. Whether it was the sound of her voice, her laugh, the warmth of her touch, her aura, the beauty of her entire being, the words she'd say, it always made you so in love with her. But what you surrendered to is the beauty of her soul. And now, it feels as if you were now so deeply in love with her like never before.

At that moment, you could only hear the beat of your heart banging against your ears. You wanted to capture this moment in time and remember it forever.

Your eyes went over to Jenna's lips then looked back at her, her eyes speaking to you as if you both knew what you wanted from each other.

You leaned in ever so slightly, your breath ghosting on Jenna's lips before laying your lips onto Jenna's.

She pressed against your body, her arms wrapping around your waist while your hands cupped her cheeks.

You, in your life, could never describe the feeling to its utmost perfection. You just couldn't. If you ever did, you'd be lying. It was perfect, more than perfect. You couldn't describe it with only one, or even a million words. No sentence, no word, no phrase, no living or dying poet could ever write the moment you're feeling without having to find new words to describe it.

Her lips onto yours was like finally finding that one puzzle piece, her body leaning onto yours was like the tides crashing with the sea, your hand holding her face was like holding the whole world in your hands. You've completely lost yourself, you knew it in your soul, and your heart was now devoured by this girl, and you had no means in returning it.

Before the touch of her lips on yours, you were nothing. You never knew how starved you were, you never knew how much you longed for the touch of her lips onto yours, you never knew how insane you were up until this point, you never knew how love could burn this bright. Especially loving Jenna. Oh, especially loving her.

And then it was all gone, and realization settled in.

You kissed her.

Holy shit you kissed her.

You kissed her and it felt like heaven.

You looked at her in disbelief, how she even accepted your kiss was even more shocking than this. "I'm.. I'm so sorry, was that okay—"

And now, it was her turn to cup your cheeks and kiss you ever so passionately. You melted in her lips, the scent of her perfume consuming your heart entirely, making you go crazy. You sighed against her kiss, you feel her body going closer to you as she finally settled on your lap.

She pulled away, your eyes still closed as she laughs.

"I'd do anything and everything for you, y/n. Just, please, love me again." You opened your eyes to see the only girl you've loved in your entire life say something out of a romantic film.

You chuckle at her words, "I never fell out of it, Jenna. I always loved you."

"Does... does this mean we're, like, girlfriends?" You asked, a serious question by the way, as if kissing two times never really did the trick on you.

Jenna laughed, she laughed. The symphony to your ears came back, though you can finally listen to it forever.

"Oh my God, you really are such a dork."

"Seriously! I'm asking nicely!"

"Yes! Yes we are. You're my girlfriend now."

"And you're my girlfriend. Oh my god, I'm dating Jenna fucking Ortega everyone!" You shouted to the rooftops, couldn't really give a damn if you just woke the whole neighborhood up while Jenna just laughed with you.

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"You never told me why you had to move out." You questioned. The both of you were on your bed, Jenna being beside you and you were beside Jenna. You turned to your side, while Jenna turned to hers.

She looked at you up and down before saying her explanation. "Because I loved you. Too."—She added.

You immediately sat up, "What? What do you mean?"

Jenna stayed in bed, turning on her back. "It's stupid, so stupid. My mom's friends with different directors, right?"

"So she told me I needed to go across the country because she recommended me to one of the directors there and you know me, I wasn't that skilled at acting so I needed training."

"I reluctantly accepted the offer because... because I knew you liked the Scream Franchise. I thought maybe if I had accepted this job offer, you'd watch the full thing and you'd like me back in some way.

"But I didn't think it'd tear us apart. I was jammed-packed with schedules, I'm sorry, y/n. I tried calling and texting you after the film but I heard you changed your number and refused to give my parents your new one."

"When I heard you were an upcoming director, I knew I had to get on one of your movies, but my manager refrained from me taking several movies at once, you know, for my mental health. But when I finally got the chance to get on set with you, I was estatic." She explained her whole story, and you on the hand, felt guilty of ever ignoring her the past few months of filming .

"I didn't know. I'm so sorry I didn't let you speak when we met. I should've waited for your response, I never knew you... liked me back." You reached out for her hand, your thumb grazing over her palm

"I'm a great actor, y/n. I thought you knew that by now." She laughed, and then you laughed with her while going back down to bed.

"Will you go move in soon?" You asked, "well, not move in, but move back in this neighborhood."

"Maybe, someday."

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a/n: we're probablyyy nearing the end of this story. i just wanna thank you guys in advance for all the lovely comments! they make my day so much better and i always look forward to writing more chapters because of it. thank you all so much, i appreciate all of you!

taglist/s: @belatrixdragon , @mirage018 , @starstrzck

[jokeringcutio]

Art the Clown x Reader Drabble "Giving Birth to Art's Baby" [ EXPLICIT, Gore]

AN: Nobody asked for this. Summary: If Reader had Art’s baby. (or: You realize you're fucked, birthing a demon's child, but get a bright idea while doing so)

Warnings: Explicit content (Blood/Murder/Birth), Demon!Art, Demon!kid, Cannibalism/Placenta eating. Mentioned Forced Impregnation. Reader gives birth. Reader tries to survive. Reader lives by the end of this chapter. You have Art’s look-a-like baby (not just his head. An actual kid).

The sterile whiteness of the hospital room blurred into a canvas of dread as they told you to push. "You can do this," the nurse said, her voice a harsh command against the silence of your unborn child's heart—a silence that had been haunting you since labor began. The monitors sang no lullaby of life; instead, they hummed a dirge for the creature stirring inside, the one you knew bore no resemblance to a human babe.

"Push!" she insisted, but something primal within you recoiled. Your mind reeled, images of the ultrasounds flickering like a horror show behind your eyes—those glimpses of something otherworldly, something that twisted the midwives' faces into masks of confusion and fear. You felt it squirming, an alien presence in the sanctuary of your womb. Its head, too large, its limbs, too sharp—you remembered the cold gel on your belly and the screen showing a chest empty of a beating heart and a skull with teeth that no other baby ever had.

The images had filled you with nightmares.

"Push, damn it!"

With each word from her lips, you were torn further between the instinct to expel the abomination and the unnatural maternal pull towards the thing you carried. It looked slightly human, yes, but there was no pulse, no thrumming of life—just the void where a heartbeat should echo.

"Push, or we'll lose you both!"

Your muscles clenched, a symphony of pain rippling through you as you fought to obey, to be rid of the living death inside. You tried to calm the tempest in your chest, telling yourself over and over, "I can do this."

Then he invaded your thoughts—Art, the demon, the clown in black and white, a mockery of joy and laughter. His teeth, those sharp instruments of terror, flashed in your memory, evoking the night of unspeakable horror when he had claimed you. Should you have fought him harder? Should you have shouted or cried? His touch was a brand, his seed the poison that grew into the monstrosity within.

You had recognized the shape of the baby’s skull the instant the ultrasound had shown it. His teeth. His head. His heartless frame.

Mass murderer and psycho on the run. A clown who never spoke and was never caught. A criminal the police claimed to have killed time after time again, yet he kept returning. You weren’t stupid. You knew he was no ordinary man, had seen and felt him up close, had lived through carrying his offspring and felt its tiny hands like claws inside your womb.

"Push! I see the head!"

Your scream tore through the air, a battle cry against the violation that had led to this moment. With a guttural cry, you bore down, every fiber of your being straining to bring forth the offspring of darkness. The nurses leaned in, their faces etched with morbid curiosity and professional detachment.

"More! Now!"

And you did. You pushed past the fear, the revulsion, and the anguish. You pushed because surrender was not an option. The child of Art, the silent clown with the soulless bright eyes surrounded by circles of dark, was coming, and you would face it, even as it threatened to tear you apart.

"Head's out!"

The words cut through the fog of your agony, and for a brief, impossible moment, hope flickered. But it was a fool's hope, born of pain and desperation. For what lay between your thighs was neither dead nor alive, neither human nor wholly other. It was the unholy union of your flesh and Art's demonic whimsy, born into a world that would never understand its existence.

"Keep going, you're almost there!"

That nurse's voice, so insistent, so devoid of the horrors that awaited, spurred you on. And you pushed again, into the unknown, into the nightmare made flesh.

The sterile chill of the delivery room clawed at your senses, but nothing could compare to the icy grip of fear that seized your heart. The nurse's declaration was a death knell, ringing hollow in your ears.

"Oh no, look at that color,” she breathed out, her words a ghost lingering in the air. The child’s head was as white as the sheets you were birthing on.

Your gaze fixed on the writhing mass that now slipped free from your body, its skin as white as untouched snow, not a shade of life to be found. Terror danced in the nurse's eyes as she caught the creature you had birthed, fully convinced to hold a stillborn child.

But then it turned its head towards her, lips pulled back in a macabre grin, black and white painted across its face like a twisted replica of Art's mime visage.

It was as you had feared it would be. Any hope you had held that your baby might come out all rosy and normal faded like ice under the sun.

"God!" The nurse recoiled, hurling your offspring onto the bed as if it were a viper.

"Easy! Easy!" You cried out. This was your child, your blood. And there was the little voice inside your head that whispered that Art wouldn’t die. No matter how many shots had been fired at him. No matter how many limbs had been cut off. The man still walked the earth, spreading death in silent joy wherever he went.

What if your child was the same? Already its heart wasn’t beating yet it seemed very much alive. Would throwing it away like its life meant nothing be the solution?

Adrenaline fueled your limbs, and with a grunt, you crawled toward the tiny form cast aside on the cold hospital linen. No. This was your baby too. No matter how evil, you would nurse it.

"Shh, shh," you soothed, half-mad with pain and wonder as your arms closed around the little body. Your hands trembled, cradling him close, the resemblance uncanny—Art's spawn, his legacy. Something soft dangled between the baby’s legs.

"Boy..." you whispered, the realization dawning upon you as you held him against your breast. The baby’s head instinctively sought for your nipple, his already long-grown teeth snapping as he sought.

The sight of his head filled you with terror, and you felt slightly sick to see the baby’s lack of lips and already blackened teeth. Bright eyes stared up at you, black circles around him. The first touch of his mouth to your skin was tentative, searching, before a sharp pain made you hiss. "No biting!"

He seemed to understand or perhaps heeded the command instilled in his dark lineage. You were grateful he started to suck next and didn’t bite your entire nipple off. You wouldn’t put it past him – not with what you had seen his father do and what you had read and heard in the news articles about him.

There amidst the blood and the shadows, you were bound to this child, this extension of a demon's desire, by cords thicker than fear, stronger than revulsion. In the silence that hung heavy, only your harsh breaths and the soft, wet suckling sounds filled the void.

Your arms ached, but you clung to him—the fruit of your womb and a monster's seed. The room spun slightly, the stark white tiles of the hospital room blurring as you focused on the tiny creature at your breast. His lips, so unlike a human’s and too far pulled back, painted in an unseen artist's black and white, suckled with an instinctual hunger.

"Sweetheart,” you tested the word, reassuring yourself that you could do this. That you had to use affectionate terms around him especially because he was the way he was.

A new plan formed in your mind.

If you could bring such true evil to the world, could you perhaps dampen it? You were pretty certain you could not undo it. You could not change a devil into an angel. But if you could not turn evil into good, could you perhaps guide it? Guide it away from harming innocents?

"You're mine," you murmured, studying the little baby in your arms. If not for the head, the child would have looked rather normal.

“My son,” you proudly said, testing the words whilst the nurses and doctors around you stood and watched. You heard their muttering and were vaguely aware of how one of the nurses had pushed an emergency button and alerted someone else in the building about what was going on.

Would they come and take your baby away from you? Would they want to try and murder him?

A fierce protectiveness was swelling within you. “I’ll protect you, sweetheart,” you reaffirmed, determination lacing the single word. “You are my son.”

Some of the nurses took a step back from the bloodied bed, their eyes still wide with disbelief. Behind them, the door burst open with a violence that made every eye swing toward it.

Art stood there, his silhouette like a twisted shadow from a child's nightmare. The nurse at the entrance reached for him. “Sir,” she said, eyes upon the garbage gab he carried over his shoulder. “These are sterile surroundings.” Her concern was cut short by the gleam of steel—a deft flick of Art's wrist—and she crumpled, a scream caught in her throat, blood blossoming on her uniform like a grotesque flower.

The doctor next to her cried out when a blade hit his legs, slashing through the clean white fabric until his shins bled. Another nurse to his side crumpled when Art passed her by, pushed over with blood on her pristine white clothes.

"Stop!" Your voice was a command, even as you recoiled. "Don't."

Art’s head cocked, you could tell he had heard your voice, but he didn’t listen. Whatever knife he had brought with him was launched to land in the middle of a nurse’s forehead, pinching her to the wall. He smiled broadly while he stepped up to the doctor’s tools to get a scalpel from them, obviously pleased with all the sharp things that were within his reach. He threatened to step forth to the Doctor who had already wounded legs and who had fallen to the floor. The man looked up at the demonic clown fearfully, tears in his eyes as Art raised the scalpel.

“Art, please,” you begged, “Don’t hurt them.”

It wasn’t your pleading that stopped him. But something else entirely. A low groan as finally, the afterbirth followed - a final, visceral release that marked the end of your gruesome trial.

His head cocked, the mime's unnerving silence punctuating the chaos he had wrought. He approached, eyes fixed on the bundle in your arms. Between your legs, the heap of blood and tissue drained the sheets. The baby’s umbilical cord was still attached to the placenta that had finally come out.

Art studied it. First, the writhing baby in your arms. He looked at it like he had never seen a newborn child before. He probably hadn’t, you thought. At least, not one of his own. The wonder was visible in those bright light eyes of his. The demonic toothy smile had turned into a black hole of wonder.

Then, the brightly shining eyes traced the umbilical cord and came to rest on the placenta. Something in his eyes changed, and he looked up at you, almost hungrily. His gaze softened then at the sight of his son again, and dirt-covered fingers reached out a few times, indicating he wanted to hold him but was too shy to grab the babe.

Your son’s eyes opened, recognizing his father. But he wouldn’t leave his meal. The teeth nibbled on your nipple while milk kept flowing richly, then bit down a little harder when you moved your arm – an indication that he did not want to be moved.

With a spidery grace, Art extended a hand, his fingers stretching toward his progeny. You tightened your grasp, feeling the peculiar warmth of your son against your flesh.

"Art," you began, voice quivering with a cocktail of fear and resolve. "He's feeding." You met those abyssal eyes, searching for understanding. "We need them alive—the nurses, the doctors. We might need their help..." Whatever could you say to keep him from killing these people? You raked your mind, thought desperately. And then it came out. Unbidden. "For next time."

A pause, and then a different kind of hunger flashed across his face. Another offspring? The idea hadn't crossed his twisted mind until you seeded it there. The possibility of creating more beings like this one, beings that belonged to both of you—it ignited something within him.

"Next time," you whispered, coaxing.

Art's attention shifted, drawn away by the glistening afterbirth on the bed. A grotesque curiosity morphed into action as he reached down, snatching it up with an eager hand. He snapped the umbilical cord with his teeth, igniting gasps throughout the room of the nurses and the doctor – all either petrified or too wounded to leave. You gave them all an empathic stare, a silent ‘I’m sorry’ while you watched as Art descended on his own meal.

The room filled with the sound of his silent feasting, a tableau of horror that paralyzed the surviving staff. They could only watch, too terrified to move, too horrified to look away.

"Good," you breathed, holding your son closer. "Focus on that. Let us be."

Surrounded by trembling bodies and the scent of iron and fear, you rocked gently, whispering promises into the velvet softness atop your son's head, promises of a world where he would never be alone—where he'd have a sibling to share the darkness with. And more importantly, a mother who would guide evil in ways that would save those she cared about. Herself included. ~ AN: This could be a full story, but I was lazy and only wrote the birthing scene. Might upload other parts that can go along with this as I have an outline. If you like my (gross) writing (style), consider following me or browse my masterlists (psst, there's more).

~~ Support me on Ko-Fi - Masterlist - Request Box ~~ The Full Tale: Art saw the pale girl, another of his kind, and realized that he wanted to be less lonely. Someone of his own kind, now that sounded nice. A kid of his own to play patty cake with? So he started looking for a potential carrier for his kid. You were cute, didn't run as hard, didn't make a sound when he tried to harm you. A quiet little human, about the size of the clown kid he had seen. You were perfect. Instead of killing you, he made sure you got pregnant. During the pregnancy, you kept seeing traces of him, found little gifts from the stranger who featured in your nightmares ever since.

You weren't stupid. You found out quite quickly that your clown is in fact the much sought-after murderer who comits the most horrible crimes under the name of Art. You have seen what he is capable of and dive into the archives researching him and his crimes. He seems to survive everything.

When the ultrasounds show you a distorted baby with no heartbeat, you know that you carry true evil inside of you. But getting rid of it is no option, as you can't kill what already seems to be dead. With no other fate, you have no option but to birth the monster's child. How you will handle things after, however, that is something you can influence. You will do anything in your power to survive. ~~

[bad268]

Pezzy with a cuddly (almost to the point of being clingy) reader?? (Love your blog & your writing so much! Keep it up!!)

End the Stream (Pezzy X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Miscellaneous

Requested: Clearly (I love him and thank you so much <3)

Warnings: Language lol

POV: First Person (I/me)

W.C. 1193

Summary: No one ever said being clingy was a bad thing.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

I would never consider myself super clingy, but sometimes, I just wanted to be held. It was only natural, especially when my boyfriend was streaming for hours. I just wanted to hang out with him, and I felt like I had not seen him recently.

Yesterday, he was streaming all day. Granted, he just got a new computer, and he was preparing for Puffer’s season 2 of The Gauntlet. I remember back when he won the first week of season 1, and it took about 3 hours. Then, the finale took almost 9 hours! I was not prepared for this to happen again.

He had already been streaming for going on 5 hours, and watching the stream could only do so much to fill the void. I knew he was in the same house. Hell, he was just a room over, but I felt lonely without him. 

I decided enough was enough. If I wanted attention, I was gonna get it. Before I set my plan in motion, I opened up the chat and sent a quick message, just to see if he was watching the chat.

“Is your room unlocked?” The text-to-speech read, and Pezzy, at first, looked horrified. He paused the game to look at who sent that but smiled when he saw it was me.

“Oh, yeah, it’s open if you wanna come in here,” He let out a breath, “I thought that was a stalker or something.”

I chuckled as I got up from the bed. I wrapped my throw blanket around my shoulders before walking down the hall to Pezzy’s recording room. I dramatically pushed the door open, just standing in the door ominously until he turned around.  When he did, he almost jumped out of his seat.

“What the hell are you doing?” He shouted in shock as he put a hand on his heart as if to slow his rapid heart rate. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Just keeping you on your toes,” I chuckled lightly as I walked over to him. When I made it to his setup, I asked, “Is this seat taken?”

“What mine?” He asked, but he didn’t wait long as I just sat in his lap. He chuckled before wrapping his arms around me and setting his chin on my shoulder.  “Well, now it is. Is this comfortable for you?”

“Very,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his torso and leaned my head against his chest. I looked up at him and met his eyes. “Can I sleep here? I won’t bother you, I promise.”

“You could never bother me,” He whispered back, leaving a kiss on my forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally, my lips before moving one of his hands from my waist to the back of my head. “I’ll be here when you wake up, and I’ll try not to be too loud.”

“I don’t care,” I mumbled, rubbing my face into his chest, “I’ll sleep through anything.”

“I know you will,” He chuckled lightly, kissing the crown of my head before turning his attention to the screen again. The chat was flying by, clips were being made, and his friends and moderators were calling him a simp. A couple specifically caught his eye. “Call me a simp one more time, Puffer, and I’ll call Megan. Grizzy, Droid, shut the fuck up. At least I get some you virgin ass mother fuckers.”

I could not keep a straight face at that as I burst out laughing. I sat up a little, opting to just lean my head against his shoulder as I looked at the screen with him. I glanced over to Discord, and I saw Puffer, Grizzy, and Droid show as active in their chat, so I moved to unplug Pezzy’s headphones before they could join the voice channel.

“Who the fuck are you talking about? I have never once been a simp,” Puffer shouted immediately after joining the call. 

“I beg to differ, Puffer,” I dragged out with a smirk, “You forget that I talk with Megan all the time, and I get to hear all of the relationship gossip. I have the tea and blackmail. Don’t make me pull it out.”

“Bitch,” He muttered.

“I try,” I smirked again before turning my attention to the other two. “Okay, Grizzy, Droid, do you two have anything to comment?”

“After hearing that, no I’ll keep my comments to myself,” Grizzy chuckled nervously. 

“Good, don’t test them,” Pezzy chuckled as he held onto me tighter and kissed my shoulder. 

“On that note, I’m making Pezzy get off,” I said as I leaned forward and took the mouse in my hand going over to the end stream button. “5 hours is enough for you heathens. He’s not streaming tomorrow, and don’t be surprised if he doesn't stream the day after.”

“Why’s that?” Pezzy teased for clarification.

“I miss you, and I want attention sometimes,” I said immediately. “I deserve time with you too.  Is it bad to want to spend time with my boyfriend doing relationship things?” 

“Not really, I get it,” Pezzy relented, “I miss you too if that makes you feel better.”

“I’m sorry, y’all lonely bitches want Pezzy all the time, but I gotta put me first,” I joked, “I gotta put me first.”

“And just for that, I’ll end the stream,” Pezzy laughed loudly as he took the mouse from my hands and ended the stream. “Happy now?”

“Not yet,” I admitted as I turned in his lap to face him. “I just want to stay here in your arms. I’ve missed you, and I feel like you’ve been streaming nonstop.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” He comforted as he brushed some hair away from my face. “Tomorrow, we’re doing anything you want. Name it.”

“But I don't want to do anything,” I whined as I banged my head on his shoulder. “I just want to lay in bed and do nothing. Maybe we make cupcakes or something. Maybe we take a bath together. Maybe we can go for a short bike ride. I don’t know, but I know I don't want to plan anything. Then, I won’t want to do it.”

“Okay, we can play it by year, how about that?” Pezzy offered as he held back a laugh. “We can just see where the day takes us.”

“Now I only get a day? I want at least two days, nothing less,” I snapped my head up as I pointed a finger at him. 

“Deal, two days,” Pezzy settled as he moved his hands to be under your butt, lifting you up.

“Where are we going?” I asked quickly in shock as I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, not expecting to be lifted.

“Timbuktu,” Pezzy replied sarcastically, glaring at you, before lifting his expression, “Our bedroom. Where the fuck else?”

“Wow,” I dragged out as Pexxy walked out of his recording studio and into our room. He set me gently on our bed before leaning over me, giving me a kiss. I moved a hand to his chest as I gently pushed him away. “Take me to dinner first.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[costelloschoice]

Jealously, Jealously

-Mizu x fem! reader

-angsty, fluff at the end

-reblogs and comments are appreciated :]

She couldn’t stand the sound of his laughter with yours.

Was he really that funny? It doesn’t seem like it to her...What was he doing that was so funny anyways? Pathetic jokes? Purposefully bad techniques? He sees the way you looked at Mizu with such adoration and love, maybe he was trying to feel that to fill the void of missing Akemi.

Mizu kept you close, but Taigen closer. She didn't trust him one bit. Of course, she loved to see you happy. Mizu doesn't mind you joking around with Ringo. Maybe it was the past issues with the other samurai that was making her feel this way.

Mizu sighed, viewing the next city they have to travel to from a hill top distance. The winter air was harsh, yet she didn't mind. She knew she was being distant from you, but she couldn't help it. The blue eyed girl shut herself out time to time, making it hard to communicate with you. She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard snow crunching behind her. It was you.

"Mizu, are you okay? You've been distant lately..." You asked. She only nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine..." This only made you frown.

"You're lying...I can tell.." you huffed. This only made her more agitated with you. Mizu loves you, yes...but this all-knowing attitude is one she can't stand. The samurai rolled her eyes, snapping at you, "I said I'm fucking fine...Why don't you go flirt with Taigen some more, hm?" she snapped, making you go wide eyed before she stormed away.

As she stormed into the nearby forest, she instantly regretted what she said to you. She cursed herself for even raising her voice at you, something she swore to never do. God, Mizu felt pathetic, how could she just you leave you like this? You were her love, her pearl...And all of this animosity over Taigen? God, how could she be so stupid? Eiji would be so disappointed from how childish she was acting.

But stuck her on pride, she didn't apologize right away. She wanted to cool down before speaking to you.

It was dark by the time she decided to come find you. Ringo sat by the fire, trying to wash the dishes from dinner. "Hey Ringo...Do you know where-" she started but soon cut off.

"You were very rude...She doesn't wish to speak with you," he said firmly, a frown on his face. Mizu sighed, if Ringo was mad at her...She knows she was wrong. "Please...I want to apologize. I was out of line for what I said. Please understand..."

He sighed, shaking his head. Mizu was his master after all and should help her mend things with you. "She's in her tent..." Ringo said before continuing to wash the dishes. Mizu thanked him and went to your tent.

Mizu heard sniffling as she saw you laying on the floor of the tent, "Ringo, I told you I don't need anything" you sighed, sitting up. Once you do, your faced with your girlfriend.

"My pearl...Please, I'm so sorry for what I said and how I acted," Mizu started off, coming into the tent. You scoffed and folded your arms across your chest, almost like you were in defense mode. "I know I said hurtful things. I regret saying them to you. I-I was so upset from the attention you're getting from Taigen-"

"He's my friend! Why is that so bad?!"

"I get that but Taigen is not trustworthy! He constantly tries to flirt with you and threatens to kill me in a duel!"

"No he isn't, we're just friends!...Are you jealous?"

"Yes! Yes I am!" Mizu shouted, feeling angry at the outcome of this talk. You look at her with a confused look on your face. She was jealous?

"Mizu...Talk to me...Why don't you like Taigen. The real reason.." You said softly, taking her hands into yours. She sighed, breathe shaky. Mizu hated one thing and that was opening up and letting someone in, letting someone see the real her. Mizu looked into your eyes before starting.

"When I was a child, you know I was bullied by the neighborhood kids? Yeah, Taigen was their ringleader. He made sure to make my life hell when I was living on the streets. Like a dog that ate scraps in the alleyway...A part of me is thankful he isn't rude to you at all, but I can't help but still let that hurt child in me make my adult decisions..." Mizu admitted, looking at you with sad puppy dog eyes.

You sighed, "Mizu..I didn't know. I wish you would tell me. I need to know these things to understand," you said softly, a hand caressing Mizu's cheek. "I know...but it's hard," she mumbled feeling terrible.

"I know, but I'm your girlfriend now...You have to open up and tell me these things," You chuckled, moving to hug her. Mizu immediately accepted the hug, wanting to feel secure in your arms. "My love, I'll talk to talk Taigen... I don't want to continue hurting your feelings. Thank you for opening up.."

"Thank you for listening to me...I'm sorry I swore and raised my voice at you," Mizu mumbled, curling up in your lap. "Oh I'm still upset you swore at me...but some kisses will help," You giggled, making Mizu attack you with kisses all over your face.

[slashisms]

a mutual understanding

pairing: billy loomis x reader

rating: M. 18+, minors dni

warnings: possessive behavior, unhealthy relationship, violence mention, slight dom/sub dynamic

word count: 1.4k

summary: modern!au inspired by some tumblr post i saw.

a/n: i wrote this on mobile so if grammar gets you hard, skip!

billy loomis is possessiveness personified. not in a jealous or overbearing way, or because of any unspoken insecurity (so he says). it’s a character trait. if you’re with him, you have to belong to him. you accept those parts of him as easily as you accept his wit or charm or humor. he’s been upfront with you about it, what he expects and how he wants you to behave. honestly, it looks unpleasant from the outside, but the last thing on his mind is what anyone thinks. you wouldn’t be with him if you didn’t enjoy it and your opinion is the only one that has a hope of mattering.

he’s never more than a foot from you if he can help it and keeps a very close eye on you when he can’t. he dislikes when you’re out of his sight, touching you at all times. every second his arm is around your waist or shoulder, a hand on your arm or hip or thigh or ass. he wants you close, where no one else can look at or reach you without catching his eye and invoking his wrath.

he’s a firm believer that people around you shouldn’t be allowed to look at you too freely. the moment he took an interest in you, he made it his mission to prevent strangers from approaching you. he’s like a scary dog, glaring at them with dark eyes that promise violence. he made it clear to everyone you were his. walking with billy’s arm around your waist, his eyes constantly scanning the crowd and darting to you every so often with a tiny smirk is a common sight.

when he catches someone glance at you for too long, his dead eyes bore into theirs, face void of any expression, but with a clear message: fuck around and find out. very few have found out, quickly choosing to direct their attention elsewhere. the ones that have are surprised by the strength behind billy’s lithe form, the viper like quickness behind each movement and the unrelenting bloodlust in his attacks. he’s a sight to behold, a whirlwind of limbs and an unhinged grin on his face. he lives for bare knuckled violence done in your honor, like a prayer of one fucked up heretic. if he thought you’d let him kill for you, he would.

thankfully, you draw the line at beating up assholes who don’t know how to take no for an answer. it’s the closest to worshipping you he’s going to get, shoving the face of some prick into gravel until he coughs out an apology. he knows you’re truly made for him because your eyes sparkle, voice low and sultry as you smile up at him and murmur, ‘thank you, billy,’ afterwards. the two of you are shameless, eye fucking until you can find a place to be alone (your decision, not his. he’d tie the guy up and fuck you right there let’s be honest.)

as much as he wants to, billy can’t put his hands on everyone. particularly, losers in your DMs. he despises social media and the shallow, vapid people who gather on there like sycophants and no matter what he says, you don’t share the same burning hatred. it only takes one good picture of you— and they’re all beautiful, for the desperate creeps to come crawling in. it’s almost a ritual: you post, choosing to ignore any incoming notifications while he scrolls through them and soon after it’s not long before he’s discarding your phone for the rest of the night while he fucks you senseless.

if he’s feeling particularly cruel, he’ll record you on it, ignoring the way you stammer and protest. he works smoothly to cajole you into it, forcing you to show him who you belong to. the way you shout his name has his heart in a chokehold, he’ll never let you leave him. you’re quick to block all of them later, even if you are amused by how annoyed he gets.

billy feels it doesn’t send enough of a message, that you’d never think of entertaining them because you have everything you could possibly want and need from him. he’s painfully aware of how lucky he is to have you, you’re gorgeous and smart and compassionate. he satisfies you and they should know it.

speaking of, he’s laying in your bed on your phone when he sees a notification. it’s not even a real message, a pathetic attempt from a spineless coward that’s never gotten past ‘Hello’ with a woman and communicates like a child. that’s what the sad heart eyes emoji he’s sent conveys.

why does this guy think he could pull you with a fucking emoji? as far as compliments go, it’s laughable. you deserve to be exalted. it makes him angrier. if they’re going to ignore the clear signs of a happy relationship he insists you leave all over your page, they could at least be a viable alternative. as the equivalent to dog shit left on the sidewalk, their audacity was infuriating.

billy reaches for you where you’re curled into his side, occupied with the movie you’re watching until you’re distracted by his soft touches to your skin. you look up at him, raising your eyebrows. he’s able to slide his hand under your neck and a thrill runs through him at the way you tilt your head to give him better access, without question. your skin is warm and your pulse thrums softly under his fingers. “c’mere,” he orders, pulling you forward.

you melt under him as he kisses you, arching eagerly into his mouth. he squeezes the sides of your neck softy, a firm pressure that has you settling down obediently. he moves from your lips to your neck, placing gentle kisses on the hollow of your throat. your pleased sigh is followed by a squeak of surprise when he bites you, sucking and dragging his tongue against your skin until the blood vessels burst. bruising appears faint on your skin which billy has always taken as a challenge. his experienced mouth has your skin coloring in no time, ignoring the whimpers you let out beneath him.

you easily distract him from his original intentions, pupils blown wide, chest heaving and lips parted into an adorable pout. he can’t resist climbing on top of you, lording over you for a moment to gaze at your expression. no one else would ever see you like this. “billy, please,” you whine.

he bites back a smile. you’re so cute, not even sure what you’re asking for, content to let him decide what to give you and when. it feels as if he’s gonna burst into flames. “open your mouth, sweetheart,” he murmurs and you do.

fuck, he wants to ruin you. to see how much you’ll take, what you’ll let him do. he curls four fingers around your jaw and pushes his thumb into your mouth. your eyes flutter closed and you wrap your plush lips around the digit, lavishing attention onto it with your tongue. he’s painfully hard, all coherent thought rushing south with his blood. “good girl,” he praises just to watch you squirm, rubbing thighs he knows are soaked together.

as much as he wants to fuck you, he still has to address the matter at hand. when he pulls out your phone, your eyebrows furrow and your eyes move around his face. you don’t say anything, waiting for his direction or explanation. the power you give him over you makes his cock throb, he’s aching to be inside of you, to mark you inside and out. he leans forward and presses your foreheads together. “you’re mine.” he says darkly. “all these fuckers begging for your attention, but that’s mine too. all of you, every inch. isn’t it, baby?”

and you’re perfect, nodding along to his every word, eyes wide and desperate. he pulls back to take the picture, sending it without a second thought. it’s a close up, nothing visible besides his hand wrapped around your throat and the bruising on your skin but he’s committed the image you make to memory. the message ‘she’s not interested’ follows the picture and within seconds, the seen notification appears.

billy’s done with this nobody, he’s got an obedient little angel to take care of. he tosses your phone on the bed and focuses all his attention on you. the guy unsends the message. so does every one after him.

[angelsanarchy]

Fever Dreams: Mike x Y/N One Shot Series PRT 17

Tagging: @icarus-star @chainsawgvtsfvck @romanroyapoligist @liquidsmoothdomme @madamemaximoff06 @drazenka @blacksoul-27 @444rockstargf @kappasbbgirl @luzclarita57 @tempt-ress @starry-eyed-wild-child

Mike goes to the bar after all his drop offs are done but he doesn't approach Y/n. He watches her work from the corner of the bar, seeing how she flirts with customers and co-workers so easily. She's big on winking and putting a gentle hand on someone's arm. He obviously knew that was apart of working in a bar but he never really noticed it when they worked together.

Mike isn't a jealous person but he's absolutely a self conscious one and the little rundown he got from Leff and Sicky earlier made him feel some type of way. Sicky handed him a shot and Mike snapped out of his thoughts.

"You still with me kid or are you busy doing the lovesick puppy thing." Sicky teased before Mike snatched the shot and downed it.

"Oh it's that kind of night. This should be fun." Sicky chuckles as Mike keeps his eyes on the pool table. He manages to win about $500 before Y/n actually comes over and smiles at them.

"What are you heathens doing over here besides shaking down my customers?" She asked looking at Mike but he wouldn't acknowledge her. She glances at Sicky and he gives her a shrug.

"Ol' Mikey here is quite the billiard boy. Handles a stick pretty well, don't ya?" Sicky shoved Mike's shoulder and he gave him a jerk off gesture.

"Did someone have a bad day at the office?" Y/n tried to approach him again but he took another shot before finishing off his beer.

"You wanna get me another one of these?" He held the empty in front of her face and she snatched it.

"Just a temperature check here, are you drunk or being a fucking asshole because it's a day that ends in Y?" Y/n stepped towards him and he screwed up his face.

"I'm not drunk. I just want another drink. I thought I was in a bar and you were the bartender." Mike looked at her unimpressed. She tried to read his expression but she couldn't. He looked completely void of any emotion which she hadn't ever seen. Mike had a pretty terrible poker face.

"Sure...let me just go fetch that for you." She was giving him a pass for now but she pointed at Sicky.

"Check him or I will." She threatened. She tried to give him some space so he could play pool, blow off steam and workout whatever bullshit was making him act this way but the more he drank, the more belligerant he got.

"HEY! BEER WENCH! BRING US A ROUND OF SHOTS!" Mike's slurred speech and silly giggles made Y/n look up towards him. He now had acquired a few hang arounds, most of which Y/n knew were local call girls.

"You've been cut off. If there's money on this game, wrap it up so I can take you home." Y/n said collecting the empty glasses.

"What? It's only midnight! Don't be a buzz kill!" Mike whined as Y/n took his empty bottle.

"Wrap it up Mike. I mean it." She said sternly but he slid off the chair.

"Come on, what's a guy gotta do to get you to change your mind?" Mike smirked but Y/n ignored him.

"Come on! I'll fuck you if I need to. Maybe blow a load on your face. What does Leff like to do with you? Something tells me he's a back shots kinda guy." The mood in the room had shifted instantly. She turned with the tray of empty bottles and looked at him.

"Excuse me?" She seethed through gritted teeth.

"Don't listen to him love. He's just-" Sicky tried to interject.

"How about Sicky? He seems like a real sick fuck. What have you done for him?" Mike pressed and Y/n launched forward only to be stopped by Sicky's arm, knocking all the glass to the floor.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO!?" Y/n shouts as people started gathering their things to make a quick exit.

"Apparently the local hole according to Leff. How disappointing too." Mike's attitude started o shift almost into sadness but one of the girls ran her hands into his hair.

"Take off Mike." Sicky pressed and he threw his arm arond the girl.

"I'll get you home safe baby." The girl bit her lip as she practically carried Mike out of the bar, stumbling onto the sidewalk. Y/n pushed Sicky off of her and pointed at him so hard, she left a bruise on his chest.

"You either tell me what the fuck is going on or I'm going to burn down the whole fucking warehouse with Leff inside." Y/n threatened as the bar cleared out.

[bradshawssugarbaby]

I'd like to request "Are you hurt?" and "Don't touch me." with walter marshall. Thank you!

oooh this one was harder to write, but I hope I did it justice!

Walter furrowed his brows, giving you a disapproving stare. You didn't fight often, it was a rare occurrence when you did anything more than disagree politely. In fact, it was so rare for you to fight, that when you did, you were caught completely off guard. You'd gotten into an argument over Walter's attitude the past couple of days. He'd been withdrawn - more so than usual, and miserable. You knew he was never the most cheerful or bubbly person out there, but this was odd, even for him. He was normally very gentle with you - stoic and reserved, sure, but never temperamental with you. He often found comfort in you - your presence a calming beacon for him when his work as a homicide detective became too much to handle some days. "What is your problem, Walter? It's like I can't even fucking talk to you," you shouted, shaking your head.

"I don't have a problem, darling."

The way he said darling stung, dripping with condescending sarcasm, a cold hostility added to the nickname he so often used with deep affection towards you. Your eyes narrowed as you set the dish you were drying down on the counter, throwing the tea towel down beside it.

"Then will you please stop being such an asshole?"

Walter's blue eyes widened in disbelief at your boldness. He frowned further, eyes glaring at her. He refused to respond, instead stomping away, storming off to the living room in brooding silence. You sighed in frustration, shaking your head with an exasperated sigh. Walter's ignorance towards you was almost painful. You craved his touch, his attention, and being starved of it because of whatever had triggered his bad mood was making your night almost unbearable.

A couple of hours of not speaking to one another had passed by, the deafening silence beginning to choke out the room, making it harder and harder to avoid it. You tried watching tv in the bedroom, avoiding Walter entirely. You'd tried scrolling social media on your phone, praying some silly little animal video would drag a giggle out of you, you'd even attempted to listen to a podcast to try and fill the void with something, anything that distracted from the quiet. Finally, unable to find anything mind-numbing to distract you, you resorted to trying to take care of a few household tasks that were overdue, neglected because of your demanding careers.

As you stood on a step ladder, hammering a nail into the wall to hang a photo, you listened for footsteps to see if Walter would come to investigate what you were doing, curious about the sounds coming from the bedroom. Unfortunately for you, he couldn't seem to be less bothered. You took a swing at the nail again, but foolishly forgot to slide your thumb two millimeters to the left, bringing the face of the hammer down directly onto your unsuspecting finger. You let out a yelp along with a string of curse words. Stepping down off of the step ladder, you turned to head to the kitchen to fetch some ice but instead walked directly into Walter's broad shouldered frame.

"Are you hurt?" He said softly, frowning at her.

"I'm fine."

"You yelled."

"So?"

"So, are you hurt? Why are you holding your hand like that?"

His brows knit together in concern for you, shaking his head. He offered his hand out to you, reaching to take your injured hand in his to check it over, trying to gauge how badly you'd managed to hurt yourself. As his hand brushed against yours, you yanked it back, reacting to his touch as if you'd just stuck your hand into a fire, scorched from the heat.

"Don't touch me."

Walter frowned at your reaction, dropping his hand to his side. He shook his head as he walked off, disappearing once again. You were just about to start yelling at him, demanding to know why he refused to speak to you, when he returned holding a sandwich bag filled with ice cubes. He held it out to you, his eyes soft and pleading, as if he was making an offering of peace to you, waving his white flag of surrender.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his blue eyes looking down at your hand, watching as you placed the ice over your throbbing thumb, "I've had a rough few days and nights with work, this case is driving me mad, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"You really shouldn't have," you began before letting out a sigh, "I'm sorry. I should have probably been a little bit more compassionate towards you."

"It's fine, darling," he said softly, his chestnut brown curls shaking as he gave a nod of his head, "Am I forgiven?"

"I suppose. But only if you go finish hanging that picture I wanted in the bedroom. Clearly I can't wield hand tools when I'm upset."

"You can't wield hand tools when you're happy either, to be fair," he smirked, the first smirk you'd seen on his face in the last week.

[angellurgy2]

hi this is a story i dont think i ever posted here where i was fucking around with writing a relatable dissociated victim. its currently unnamed and its about someone having their place in their own head fucked with really bad by some kind of hypnotist esque person.

A void swirls around me. my eyes are blanketed in a deep, ephemeral grayscale sky. stars of red and green and blue scatter around me, mixing together, granting a small beauty through the null. its like space, if it was imagined by a kid with aphantasia who’s never looked into the sky before. i used to love space when i was younger. this wondrous, beautiful extremity of the world, with so much potential. so much to learn, to explore. its awe-inspiring. there is nothing like that to take from this soulful space,  though, for it is not a space in the sense of celestia, but a blank space. an empty fragment, visualized. is this supposed to be my ‘happy place’? i always wanted one of those.

i hear a piercing scream, echoing from the outside i cannot see. i recognize the voice, but i don’t know it. a shaking, grabbing at my form. who are you?  it shouts at me. no one. im sorry. why am i sorry? is that an emotion, if so it might be the first semblance of one ive felt. i think it was more instinctual. sorry, im rambling. rambling to myself? stop apologizing, body. i have a body, huh. i begin to feel, it takes me a while to figure out what, while the shaking continues. oh, those are my legs, i guess? i remember having those. not the tactile sensation, but the existence. i dont think i use them much, they’re worn with cuts and bruises and the whole body aches as it steps onto its feet. i can feel my eyelashes flutter as i peer into the behind of my lids. they well with tears. why am i feeling, stop it. stop it. i don’t want this. i can move my arms again. i don’t like this, put me back. please. please stop touching me. 

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.

not my voice. why does it sound like that. why do i sound like that. that’s not me. please stop? grabbing at me more, feverish touch, groping fingers, rotten. outside of existence.

the police are here. 

nononononono not again. who- why. why. maybe i can run. fuck. the screaming’s inside now. i left it, please dont bring me back. my feet move of their own volition, dragging my desecrated corpse through the halls, out of the depths it hibernates. creaky steps up the wooden stairs, a door unlatching, her faint instructive whispering in my ear, the sound of heavy boots on the porch, i see nothing but noises. 

words slip from my chapped lips, a routine carved into my instincts. “hello officer” i choke out.  “hi sir.” i twitch. take his gun take his gun take his gun take his gun. sigh. its the shame shpeal as always. blah blah we’ve gotten some reports worried for your safety blah blah blah. traitors. they always do this when i disappear. let me die. the lies slip from my tongue so easily. im fine. they’re worried for nothing. i totally ate today yes. the blood stains aren’t fresh. the scars are old. no i dont know who that woman i- wait what woman? some thoughts finally rush to my head, i dont remember having a porch. wasn’t i in a studio? it would’ve been easier to die there what’s going on- a hand reaches into my hair. makes it feel better. yes of course i know “her”. yes i’m happy, can’t you see my smile? :)

I dont know if any of the pigs believe it but they leave without a second thought. fucking cops. pathetic. the lady yells out something nice at them. makes me squirm for a second. something angry bubbles up in the body’s head. i close the eyes and shut it down quick. no use for emotions in a carcass. 

a hand tugs into the hem of my neck. my shirt. forgot i had one of those. forgot those were a thing, honestly. i hope its cute at least. my limp form is pulled backwards through the front door. i almost fall but something else picks us up. i start to lose myself in the greyscale again before the sanctity of my eyelids are forced open, gazing directly into the asynchronatic blue and hazel eyes of an unrecognizable being. i’d say her beauty startled me awake if i wasnt so unsure this is even real.

apparently she was talking the whole time, because now we’re in the living room. i think? i forgot what that’s supposed to look like. her voice now tuned to the ears, i jolt at the sudden audio input. she sees and tilts her head with a mock smile. i think. her eyes glare into me like she’s staring into my absent soul. “Mutt.” 

dizzy. body moving away from me, again. so far. i watch it fall to its knees. fading. i can’t look at myself. she’s just smiling. bark! i feel familiar body spasms but don't see any physical representation. i never thought id miss the bodily prison. bark. bark. tilting its head to the side. my nonexistent hands clench tight. the woman brings her left leg to rest on her right, twirls her finger and we- it rolls over, instantaneously. like its ingrained into its programming. short-circuiting mental wires twist and fray in the head i unassuredly inhabit. pulling, twisting at cords between me and the form, voices berating myself for wanting back in as i thoughtlessly climb. 

her eyes suddenly glare upwards, past my head, almost as if directly into the ‘me’ i can feel. another twisting grin, teethy and sharp. “are you alright, dear?” her voice is malevolence. staring into the sky, she lifts up her hand, causing the body to jump on its hind legs, twirling stupidly. another chuckle slips from her lips, reverberating all around me. “want back in?”  teasing. who does she think she is- who even is she? i growl. not as a dog. she smiles again, and with a snap of her fingers i am slingshotted back into physicality, gasping for air, breathing new air into new lungs. i come out twitching uncontrollably, trying to forget, need to forget, get out of place again. i shut my eyes tight and pretend nothing is real. nothing is real, it cant be. 

tsk tsk. “you’re not getting back out so easily, girl.” she growls, clicking her tongue. she does a quick pulling motion with her hand, and my body is suddenly flung forward with it. leashed. thrown into the armchair beneath her. i throw my hand at her face, without thinking, imprinting a bright red into her skin. i flinch. // add more here //

“who do you think you are, DOG.” she yells, my body wants to curl up into a ball. “i FIXED you, and you don’t even recognize who i am!” she presses and grinds the toe of her leather boot into my legs. into cuts i dont remember existing. i collapse the second pain courses through me. “you need me, girl.”

the air is choked out of me. ripped out exorbitantly. i trudge through the pain, look her in her perverse face and spit. bitch. she digs her boot harder into my leg. i squeal in a pitch i’ve never reached before.

“seems like someone needs some more time alone in her room-” she grins. the body shudders what does she even get from this? pleasure? what has she done to us? me. why is this so different. how can she make me be here? her hand pulling at the collar of my shirt jolts me out of thought. pinprick goosebumps run up my arm. body tics from the disembodied draft in the air. i am forced despite myself, dragged across dirty ceramic floors. i scream. i cry. i hit. i thrash. everything i can muster at once, leads to nothing. i remember the feeling of weight, yet she throws me from the floor into the back of the empty room with no effort. spine stings with anger. careless fucking-

“you’re gonna wish i had kept you disembodied. doll.” she leans against the doorway so non-chalantly. like im not quaking with pain. “i’ll make sure you dont forget this next time, at least.” and she pushes the door. 

i scramble on the floor fighting the pain surging through my joints, clawing at the floorboards to get to the door as it slowly closes. no use. closing, closing, closing, my ragged dirty fingernails almost reach it but fall just short. the last thing i see before the door closes and the darkness takes hold is her twisted, eldritch smile mocking me through the gap.

[olderthannetfic]

My experiences with DreamWidth fandom spaces are the same as my experiences with DreamWidth RP: a lot of people talk about wanting more people to post, missing the old days, and disliking fandom puritanism, but don't interact with others much and, when someone disagrees with them, decide that this is the end of the world. I've seen people in DWRP angry at other people for disagreements from up to 12 years ago. I've seen people in DW fandom spaces vaguepost about specific people they're mad at for disagreeing with them from up to 8 years ago. Neither reaction makes me go, "Ah, yes, this is where I want to hang out", because I just don't fucking care. When someone confronts me about traumatizing them because I said I didn't find X character as engaging as Y or I think it's possible Character A is bi and not gay/lesbian default and it's been 5 years, my first thought is almost always, "I'm sorry, who?" and not, "OMG I feel so bad let me apologize for this!" Not apologizing doesn't go over well, so it's off to gossip to their friends in DMs and on other sites about how someone else totally said this, that and the other thing too and it was super mean.

IDK, maybe I'm just old (I did just turn 30) but I look at this kind of drama and all I can think is, "I don't care and I don't have the energy to engage with this." It doesn't help that I meet people on DW who are self-identified fandom olds (usually that means they're 40-ish) who complain about yaoi fangirls/"fujoshits" and call female characters who've had multiple sexual partners "cockhops" and assume anyone writing f/f is a "neckbeard". This is still less sensitive than antis are, but there's still a lot of moralizing things you don't like and reading into what someone writes in order to judge them as a person.

Between that and the very low level of overall engagement it kind of feels not worth it? I'm not seeing what the benefit is. Making fandom friends is fairly difficult on DW and when you do, losing them is as easy as not having seen something, not liking a pairing or not caring about something (contentious canons, especially). I'm sure someone's having a great time but to me it's sort of like shouting into the void, except sometimes the void calls you a fujoshit neckbeard and never elaborates on how that'd work.

--

DW's moment as a potential community hub has come and gone, in my opinion. Now, it's just the people who can't hack it on other platforms plus some legacy uses that DW is good for that other sites aren't.

I did make more of an effort to make fetch happen in the past, but it became apparent that a lot of the people who are primarily on DW are not people I want to make that effort for. I've got a couple of old friends still hanging out there because they like very text-based internet stuff, and good for them, but overall... yeah... the vibe just isn't that great a lot of the time.

I used to advocate getting a DW just to have a place to link your other social media in case your tumblr is suddenly deleted due to mysterious tumblr enforcement shenanigans... but honestly, I could probably use my AO3 profile for that just as well.

I'm glad DW is still around, and I hope it continues to be. I don't regret my seed account. But it's just not something I use actively in the 2020s.