#fyi my name is nemesis

[retributive-justice]

NEMESIS

the inescapable agent of someone's or something's downfall.

[lyteupthelyfe]

girl help why are the relic combat arts like that

theory brain not go brrr atm but i was browsing the wiki and found it interesting that all of the heroes' relic combat arts are named like...actually really concerningly???

like we have Foudroyant Strike (devastating/calamitous strike), Beast Fang (which is honestly the tamest, how ironic), Ruptured Heaven, Heaven's Fall (the Dark Creator Sword's CA, makes sense, Nemesis killed Sothis/wants to kill Byleth), Ruined Sky, Atrocity, Burning Quake, Apocalyptic Flame, Dust, Raging Storm, Fallen Star, and Eviscerate.

~ analysis below the cut besties ~ (cw mentions of death + genocide)

The only one that isn't alluding to the literal end of the world is Sublime Heaven, which afaik basically means something along the lines of a...surreal heaven--heaven, the celestial vault, supposed realm of like, perfection or whatever, is broken--shattered--with Ruptured Heaven. well, more like a seam has burst open. with the sword of the creator, its horrific origin in the murder of sothis violates what was known, the status quo of nabatean (and fodlish) society--the world, even (lmao gotta throw in that arcana link). but fusing with sothis, knowing the truth of who she is (but with her "not having acted like a goddess", is like, the most important aspect--it made sothis relatable, a fun, enjoyable, human character, who also has all this responsability, past, and trauma) allows for, even if the sky is ruptured escaping from zahras, the ultimate repair of the world (regardless of route). and like. a sublime heaven is one that...is real. its magical, insane, world-saving, but real because not only does the sword realise its true power, not only does byleth accept the sothis within then, but they...allow for all this heady, large, grand plot of the nabateans and foldan's truth (whatever that might be in each route) to become close and real to both the player and the characters. becomes, well, sublime.

anyway, beyond that, on all the other combat arts, there's no real link to the arcana (or crest) (or dragon) (fyi in the order above its tower devil world world death strength chariot wheel of fortune empress high priestess (devil) moon and sun)--they all just seem rather morbid. like it's the end of the world. and, well, for the nabateans that were murdered and warped into each weapon, it was. like to go for a rather morbid theory, it's almost like each combat art is related to the way its dragon was murdered; i.e. "goneril" was burnt alive, "dominic" was made dust, Chevalier eviscerated, at least partially (given that he relatively survived to become an Apostle) (names in brackets, the dragons weren't actually named that obv, some were probably actually named Luca, Iris, Bernhard, Gajus, Wilhelm(?), Marcelle and Simone, but that's not for this post, rather a post on rhea's trauma coping) (wait no i just had a theory. but not for this post. another one.)

ANYWAY my essential point is that through the combat arts we have a continual remembrance and recreation of the red canyon tragedy--these are like, weapons used to kill people, were made through the killing of the nabateans, ofc the combat arts are named such they are living memories of the violent, unjustified and brutal end of a world. if we were able to meet the actual nabateans in-game, and similar things to the sothis fusion moment happened, then maybe we'd get happier ones, but they can't ever be sublime because the tragedy of their re-creation is the sad remembrance of each as victims of the tragedy and nothing more.

honestly this is probably a tremendous factor in rhea's own survivor's guilt, the only people in fodlan who probably actually knew the other nabateans are rhea, flayn, seteth, indech and macuil

now i don't want to get meta but something something the 1181-1185/6 war is built on the bones of the ""war of heroes"" and something something the past no matter how distant still affects fodlan in myriad ways, some more overt than others

something something ignorance of the truth leads to the repetition of history and condemns the fate of the word to a self-fulfilling prophecy carved in bone

oops ty for listening to my rambles, 'd love to hear your thoughts, g'night!

[bigskydreaming]

Doing some writing today off and on between errands and work, and jumping around various Kings of the Sky installments, specifically Dick, Jason and Cass stuff, so probably gonna post snippets from a bunch of them as I go. 

(Kings of the Sky is an AU that goes canon divergent from the point of Jason calling Dick for advice for dealing with Bruce after the Garzonas case and where things end up going dramatically different from that point on. Including Jason not dying, being part of his own lineup of Titans between Dick and Tim’s, Dick being adopted not long after the Church of Blood incident, Cass being the third Wayne kid to be taken in and adopted and with Tim and Duke being next and then Damian coming along later once they find out about him. This is basically my ‘the family’s alright’ AU with largely ‘Good Dad Bruce’ except for Dick and then Jason yelling some sense into him about the other, respectively, in the first two installments, just FYI).

Anyway, this bit is from a story called “In Their Shadows Grow Trees Of Good and Evil,” set about a year after Cass has been adopted, when she and Jason are both sixteen and Dick’s twenty-one. Also just FYI, because canon has never been specific about what ways Cass is neurodivergent due to the comic-book style ‘rewiring’ of her brain so that she could learn to speak later in life, I tend to go with her being dyslexic and having aphasia. She sticks exclusively to sign language and being a silent presence in her costumed personas, so that there’s no chance of people connecting the dots between Black Bat and Cassandra Wayne, as she mostly speaks verbally in her civilian persona and doesn’t hide her aphasia. The reason there’s not likely to be any obvious signs of aphasia in the snippets of her I post is because I wait until I complete something to choose words at random to replace with aphasia-born mixups, so its more realistic and I’m not gearing her dialogue towards deliberately placed moments. Just in case you were wondering.

In Their Shadows Grow Trees of Good and Evil

“Hey Todd,” sneered an exquisitely obnoxious voice. “Why’s your sister so fucking weird?”

Jason sighed the sigh of a soul a mere century into its eternity of damnation as he rose from the lunch table he’d been studying at and crammed the rest of his books into his backpack. Then he pasted a cheerfully bland smile on his face and turned around, geared for academia warfare (teenage prep school edition).

“Hey Craig,” he said brightly. “Why’d you come out of the womb so ugly your parents had to tie a piece of steak around your neck just to get the family dog to go near you? Mysteries abound.”

The advancing junior slowed a step, momentarily rocked by his truly impressive return volley. The grimace Craig’s already gargoyle-esque features twisted into made his face even more unpleasant to look at than usual, which was quite the feat. Jason would have applauded if just looking at it hadn’t already turned him to stone.

But the bargain basement basilisk kept on towards him rather than turn tail and skulk off to pop his emotional blisters, so Jason sighed a sequel to his first one. Looked like it was one of those days where Craig felt up to powering through. Guess someone had eaten their self-esteem Wheaties that morning. Joy.

“You think you’re pretty hot shit, don’t you, Todd?”

Jason shrugged. “I mean, to be honest I kinda have a one track mind, so right now I’m mostly just thinking about punching you in your mistake.”

“My what?”

“Your face,” Jason elaborated with exaggerated patience.

“Huh?”

“Oh my god, I’m saying your face is a mistake. See, its not as fun when I have to stop and explain it to you. Ugh, you ruin everything.”

He neatly sidestepped the older boy as R2-Dumbass stayed frozen, smoke coming off of his internal CPU while trying to catch up. For a second Jason thought he was home free, but then he remembered the universe fucking hated him so haha, sucks to suck. Also, a small crowd had gathered to witness the verbal jousting match, and nothing invigorated an asshole like Craig more than an audience of like-minded peers. So there was that too.

“Whatever. Laugh it up all you want, you little shit,” the junior rallied. “But just remember, mocking your betters will never change the fact that you were born street trash and you’ll be street trash until the day you die.”

Honestly? Not his best effort. Jason almost felt bad using any of his good material. Seemed like overkill at this point. But he did have a strict Scorched Earth policy to maintain, so.....

“Yeah but my dad could buy out and ruin your dad so that means I still win, right?”

He smirked as the barb landed and Craig’s face set into a sunset vista of strangled purple and furious red. Bam. Direct hit.

“Listen, you - “

“Oh for fuck’s sake, it was rhetorical,” Jason interrupted. “I don’t actually care what you think even a little bit. Nobody does. You don’t matter. Please go be irrelevant elsewhere, you’re fucking dismissed, you loser.”

“Speak for yourself, charity case.” Oh goodie, Craig’s backup singers had finally arrived. Now if only he could remember to care enough to learn their names in the first place. Seriously, who told the extras they could have lines? “All the jokes in the world can’t change who and what you are.”

Jason shrugged and continued nonchalantly up the hill to where his sister was standing with arms crossed, staring down at something on the other side.

“True genius is never appreciated in its own time,” he tossed back over his shoulder. “I’m sure I’ll be immortalized in song eventually.”

The mob of morons deigned to let him go without further incident. Though he suspected that had less to do with his scathing wit and more to do with him being headed towards Cass. She was immaculately presented as always, wearing the Gotham Academy uniform like she was born to it despite hating its uncomfortable stiffness every bit as much as he did. But that was just Cass for you. 

For all that she still struggled at times to engage verbally or speak up in social settings, her mastery of body language remained without peer. She could chameleon-camouflage her way into matching poise and posture with anyone - a skill that had allowed her to walk into school on her very first day with her head held high as though she owned everything in her sight. Exuding so much Queen Bee Intimidation Factor even the other hive queens were afraid to approach her  themselves. Sending forth their drones to try and woo her into an alliance, only to see her remain oh-so-casually above it all, a slightly contemptuous smile adorning her lips.

Basically, she scared the shit out of their classmates without them having anywhere close to a true understanding of why, and Jason was outrageously jealous. Rude. Unfair. Why did his siblings always get all the cool toys when all he had was his rakish charm, scintillating intellect and debonair.....nah, who was he kidding. He was fucking awesome. 

“Sup, sis,” he said, cresting the hill to stand beside Cass. “Just FYI, I just took a popularity bullet for you, which means you owe me your dessert tonight. Its a family rule that’s totally a real thing and definitely not something I just made up right now because Alf is making chocolate soufflé.”

She made no acknowledgment and remained stock still, a Colossus at Rhodes peering down into the shifting shadows of the parking lot below.

He peered down as well, though with absolutely no idea what they were looking at. Solidarity, yo.

“So are we staring fixedly at anything in particular, or should I just pick my own spot and commit?”

His humor was totally wasted on her as always. Instead of laughing and telling him what a lovable goof he was, she just inclined her head in the direction of a blonde girl where she was standing next to the driver’s side door of a Mercedes-Benz, dictating final commandments to her peons before departing. Well, probably. Jason was just guessing, based on his own body language reads, and like, general disdain for literally everyone at this school that wasn’t related to him.

He made a face. An extra special one reserved just for this classmate in particular. “Ugh, Madison Dunleavy? She’s the worst.”

Cass raised a cool eyebrow. “I thought Craig Hendricks was the worst.”

“He is. They’re both the worst. Its a hotly contested position here at Gotham Academy.”

She rolled her eyes and nodded back down at the Queen of Air and Darkness. “So. You know her?”

“Nope,” Jason said. “Come to think of it, I’ve actually never seen her in my life. No idea who that is. Can’t help you, sorry. Shall we go home?”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition speared him with clear intent. Who the fuck needed words when you could pack the Encyclopedia Britannica into a single facial expression?

Jason sighed gustily. 

“I had a slight altercation with her freshman year that led to her declaring her undying enmity for me until the end of time. The word nemesis may or may not have been thrown around once or twice. I can’t recall.”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition lowered nary an inch. Ugh, she wanted more? Why did everyone in his family hate privacy, with the obvious exclusion of himself when snooping through Cass and Dick’s rooms for blackmail material, which was actually intel-gathering and thus another matter entirely.

“Okay so basically what happened was my first week here I overheard her talking shit about me and not even twenty minutes later she was pretending to kiss my ass in homeroom, like probably because of Bruce, y’know? So I just busted out laughing and told her to fuck off and die and she has inexplicably loathed me ever since.”

Avoiding further Eyebrow Inquisition-ing, he made a show of peering around aimlessly. When the silence extended and it was clear Cass was absolutely not going to break first, Jason waved a hand in dismissal and took to peering oh so casually at his fingernails. "I suppose I was less tactful back in those days.”

He chanced a look up, finally, and saw his sister’s eyebrow had somehow managed to mighty morphin power ranger its way into a configuration evoking both judgment and disbelief, with the latter perhaps aimed at the idea he was significantly differing in the tact department these days either.

“I don’t love the implications your face is making right now,” he told her.

She ignored him, because of course she did. 

“Does she know Dick?” She asked instead. Jason shrugged.

“I mean, maybe? She’s probably seen him around at one of those stupid galas we have to go to, and actually I think maybe she has an older brother who was either in Dick’s grade or like, one above or below it? I don’t know.”

Now both eyebrows were doing the dance of disbelief. Okay, so maybe that was poor situational awareness on his part, since it wasn’t like Gotham Academy was a big school with a ton of other kids and also he’d only been in the same class as Madison for like over two whole years, but whatever. There were extingent circumstances.

“Look, she’s a total snob who’s always looked down on me and in return I willfully ignore both her existence and that of everyone and everything even tangentially related to her. Its called equality, Cass.”

She pursed her lips and went back to the peering, because of course in the mind of Cass it made total sense that the Grand Inquisition didn’t need to be followed up by any explanation on her part, what the hell. Like was he supposed to have inferred it?

“What’s this all about anyway?”

“I heard her talking about Dick earlier,” she said without peeling her eyes away from her personal recon mission. “I don’t know what she said though, I just heard her say Grayson, and then I was busy looking at what her body was saying. I know it was about Dick because she shut down when she saw me. And I didn’t like the way she....looked....before that happened. The way she was talking. It was.....”

Jason frowned but held back any follow-up questions while he waited - with total patience because he wasn’t an absolute cad, thank you very much - for his sister to find the word she was hunting for. It was a major source of frustration for her, that whatever neural map her brain followed put body language and spoken language in totally different regions of her brain, separated by a fairly great divide. Meaning she usually had to make a conscious choice to focus on body language or conventional languages - whether verbal or sign. But it tended to be one or the other; she’d yet to master taking in and comprehending both forms of ‘language’ at the same time. And none of them had quite figured out how to convince her that she wasn’t actually missing anything when she chose to focus on one specific form of communication - that she was still observing far more than most people ever would.

“Proprietary,” Cass settled on at last. She nodded her satisfaction with her choice of word, and Jason waited a whole two point five seconds before sticking  his whole foot in his mouth.

“Proprietary?” He asked with a scrunched nose as he weighed that for possible context and implications. “You sure?”

She glared. He winced. It was a whole thing.

“Yeah, I know, sorry, sorry, I heard it the second it was out of my mouth. We don’t actually have to experiment with the legitimacy of if looks could kill.”

Cass rolled her eyes, but eh. That could’ve gone worse.

Jason swiftly redirected attention anyway. Discretion is the better part of valor, after all.

“So. The Queen of Air and Darkness was talking about our big bro, and her mood was.....proprietary, huh?” He recapped while digesting the info like a boss. “Well. Definitely not loving that, I gotta say. Hold please.”

Pulling out his phone and pulling up his most recent texts, he began typing furiously.

“What are you doing?” Cass asked.

“Texting Tom,” he replied, because duh. Hah, now it was his chance to have the answers that should be patently obvious and thus make with the ‘are you kidding me’ when she asked obvious questions she should know the answer to! How do you like them apples, sis?

“Why are you texting your boyfriend right now?”

Jason rolled his eyes, because fair is fair, but never ceased texting for a moment. Time was of the essence here, probably. Well, maybe. Okay probably not. But it’d still been like half an hour since he and Tom had last texted and that’s a very fucking long time in teenage years.

“To be our getaway driver tonight, obviously.”

She stared at him. He didn’t look up, but he could feel it anyway. He was very intuitive like that.

“What?”

Jason heaved another sigh, one keyed to tones of ‘oh my god, do I really have to spell this out,” exasperation. He was just racking up the bonus points here. It was really too bad this wasn’t an actual competition he could actually win and this was all just pettiness taking place wholly in his own head. Lame. 

“Well, clearly we now have to go snoop in Madison’s house aka lair to see if its actually a house or a full on lair. Because she’s either a creeper or like, legit evil, and its important to know which one before we proceed, because obviously we can only bust her for being a weird creeper about our brother as Jason and Cass, whereas if she’s legit evil, that’s gotta go down as Robin and Black Bat. I’ll handle the snooping, you’ll take look-out, but we still need a wheelman and that’s why I’m texting Tom. This is all very mission-oriented, okay. I’m a professional.”

“Right,” she affirmed, while sounding anything but convinced. “Why don’t we just tell Bruce?”

Without looking up or breaking stride, he said: “I’m going to give you til I finish typing this sentence to figure out what was wrong with what you just said. Remember that we are talking about hypothetical danger to our brother, and also Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response to any of his children being in even hypothetical danger. And also our brother’s idea of a proportionate response to Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response. Look, you’re still new so I’m gonna need you to just trust me on this one. Its gonna be a no on telling Bruce without further intel.”

Cass said nothing in response to that, which meant that she was conceding the point and recognized the wisdom of his words. Or maybe that she was just gonna go ahead and do what she wanted anyway and just wasn’t bothering to fight about it, but it was probably that first thing.

“Well you better not just make out with your boyfriend all night,” is what she said at last, and that got his attention reeeeeal quick like.

“Umm. Wow. Okay. So, first off, you’re not the boss of me and who I make out with and when, so jot that down. And second, now I’m definitely going to make out with my boyfriend extra hard, with the exception of when we are actually on our recon mission because as previously established, I am a professional. And also, again, you’re not the boss of me.”

Jason ignored her Eye Roll With Extra Emphasis, and instead just held up his phone to Text With Extra Emphasis, as he read along with what he was typing.

“By the way babe, we have to make out extra hard tonight,” he said, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth while he dragged out his dictation with the kind of focus that usually led to Bruce asking why he couldn’t apply as much intensity to training as he did to pettiness. “Cass has suddenly decided she can dictate terms to me and I need to shut that shit down ASAP, so thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter. Smoochies and other gay stuff to the best boyfriend ever.”

Jason frowned as a response pinged back seconds later. 

TheCatsMeow: ....the things I put up with for the sake of your weird family dynamics.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah, yeah. You’re a saint among were-panthers. Must you mock? Why can’t you just tell me I’m pretty instead?

TheCatsMeow: Sorry. Let me try again. OMG you’re so pretty Jase how did I get so lucky xoxo.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: No. Its too late. It feels forced and unbelievable now. You’ve ruined it forever.

TheCatsMeow: Got it. From now on I will only tell you that you’re repulsive and hideous.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: I’m breaking up with you.

TheCatsMeow: But after I help you with your mission tonight.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Obvsly. I’m a professional. Why do people keep forgetting this?

TheCatsMeow: And also the making out to spite your sister.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah we should do that first too. I mean we already penciled it in.

[talesofstyles]

The Law of Attraction

buckle up my little ballsacks you’re in for a treat. this is pure lawyer harry filth. honestly i’ve got no excuse.

massive massive thank you to @smokeinherperfume​ for letting me ramble about lawyer harry 24/7 and @for-fucks-sake-h​ for allllll the knife emojis FGHSHSGSGH ILY 🥺💛

p.s. all of my fics about lawyer harry are standalones so you don’t have to read them in order. but just fyi technically this one happens after Quid Pro Quo. hope you like it! xx

An orgasm crashes through YN’s body, causing her back to arch in her chair and her fingers to tug hard at the hair of the man who’s working his tongue between her legs. It’s half three on a Wednesday, and instead of skimming through stacks of her clients’ contracts trying to find loopholes or go through the first set of Interrogatories once again before she sends it to the opposing counsel later today; she’s got her former-nemesis-turned-best-friend kneeling before her chair, her skirt hiked up around her waist and her knickers haphazardly pulled to the side. She lets out a groan, which only eggs him on, and he lashes his tongue against her even harder.

“Enough,” she mutters weakly, her voice barely audible and she’s not even sure if he even heard it. She pushes his head away from her, but the stubborn sod only swats her hands away while growling and doubles up on his efforts. She can feel him shaking his head as he licks and sucks away, slipping his finger deep inside her the second she closes her eyes and proceeds to bring her to another shattering orgasm in just under two minutes.

She slaps her hand over her mouth as she reaches her high again, and Harry looks at her with a satisfied smile, before licking his shiny wet lips without breaking eye contact. The sight alone is almost enough to make her want to shove his head back to where it was half a minute ago. “Feel better?”

“Mhm,” she hums happily and Harry’s lips quirk into a gentle smirk. “Thanks.”

“My pleasure,” he replies as he stands up, before leaning over to button their lips together in a quick kiss.

“I think the pleasure’s all mine, but let’s rectify that,” she mutters as she pulls away. “What do you want? You tell me and I’ll give it to you. Do you want me to get you off slowly or do you want to fuck my mouth?”

“Fuck,” he groans in frustration. “You’re gonna kill me here. I’ve got a deposition in- shit, two minutes. I’ve got to go now. Catch ya later doll.”

She shakes her head, chuckling as she watches him rushing out of her office. “Later, shithead.”

Isn’t it just funny how the universe works sometimes? Six months ago they couldn’t even be in the same room without having a scream-whisper match, but here they are half a year later, happily handing each other orgasms like sweets on Halloween. Harry didn’t even know exactly what was bothering her today. He just sensed that she was in a real mood when he swung by her office, so instead of splitting a packet of KitKats right on the dot at three o’clock like usual, he closed the door and switched on the panel by the door so the transparent glass wall turned translucent to give them privacy, and then he went down on her without saying another word.

The perks of being friends instead of foes with Harry is that she gets to find out that Harry’s oral skills are not limited to advocacy and sarcasm. And not to mention that he’s a very generous man. Sure, it’s not a trait particularly needed in a best friend and colleague, but fuck if that’s not something that is much appreciated. At first, obviously it wasn’t easy for YN to hang the white flag above her head. Her ego was badly bruised when the firm made Harry Senior Partner instead of her in the beginning of the year, making her feel that all the long hours and the all-nighters she’d pulled were all for nothing. She felt like she gave up her social life for nothing, basically put her life on hold for nothing and gave her all to her firm for nothing. She felt unappreciated, and the easiest target to channel all her anger and frustration was Harry. Because come on, who else was she supposed to be mad at? Her boss? It’d be like being mad at Gandhi.

It definitely got much easier when she finally let the resentment go, the fact that he was the one being promoted. Especially knowing well the reason was only because he came from a bigger law firm, and that he came bearing gifts—the gifts being five huge clients from his old firm—when he came into her firm earlier this year. She’s accepted the fact that him being promoted instead of her doesn’t mean that she’s not a damn good lawyer. Hell, she’s got a hundred percent win record to prove that. It was easier to hate him when she didn’t know him, but as they began working on cases together and she got the chance to get to know him more, she knew he deserved it. 

If you ask YN, she’d most likely tell you that having a work husband surely beats having an enemy in the office. She loves having Harry as her best friend, her most trusted legal confidant when she needs to strategise on a case and well, as an occasional lover on a bad day. He is her number one ally and advisor, the person she can laugh with and be stressed with, have politically incorrect conversations with, and give her bone-deep honest opinions to. He supports her and helps her with her cases—not that she needs help because again, she’s one hell of a lawyer, but it’s surely nice to have an extra brain in the case sometimes. 

Fuck, she really does owe Harry a good one tonight for giving her a nice distraction.

A ding sound from her phone brings her back to reality. She darts her eyes at her phone for a second, and she lets out a heavy sigh when she reads the name on the screen. It’s a text to confirm the dinner meeting tonight at The Berkeley, definitely one that she can’t avoid since he’s a huge client, but more importantly, one that she dreads to meet.

You see, there’s a large part of life that we call normalcy. Eat, sleep, take a shower. Wearing underwear inside our clothes instead of outside like Batman and Superman. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Most people drink coffee in the morning. Thirty minutes of cardio three times a week. 

As pathetic as this may sound, pining for Luke, that said client who also happens to be her ex-boyfriend has been YN’s normalcy for the past two years. Luckily, his company is her client and not the man himself so she got away with keeping contact to a  bare minimum. Meeting him only about two to three times a year and only when it’s absolutely necessary and cannot be handled by his General Counsel. But apparently, his step-father decided to retire and pass his hotel business to him—honestly, as if he’s not bloody minted already—and he needs her now more than ever because even though he knows his way around the business world, this whole thing is a new territory for him. 

This is the second time in a week that he’s arranged a meeting and only God knows how many more meetings with him she could take. Because, as always, his presence means the absence of her sanity. And she hates it.

Welcome to YN’s fucked up life.

***

“I still don’t know why you want me to go with you,” Harry says, turning to look at her when they stop at a red light. Even though it’s dark outside, the neon-blue lights from the interior electronics cast the angles of his face handsomely.

He’s driving both himself and YN to The Berkeley where they’ll be meeting Luke for a dinner meeting to discuss his new business and his plan to merge with another hotel group. Which is an absolutely terrible idea and YN plans to talk him out of it tonight. It’s probably easier said than done though, because she knows Luke and she’s definitely familiar with how stubborn he can be. 

There are a lot of things about Luke that she still remembers. He pretends to hate those mini chocolate muffins but he actually loves them. He drinks his coffee at six thirty sharp every morning, yes, even on the weekends. He loves jogging and sometimes he wishes he’s an athlete so that he can get paid just to run and play football all day long. Even though he’s rich as sin—and God, fit as fuck too—he’s humble and definitely not flashy, so if you see him without his suits, you’d probably never guess that he doesn’t actually need to work a day in his life because he comes from old money. But Luke is different. He never touched his trust fund and he was determined to create his own business from scratch.

He’d just started his business around the same time YN started working in her firm as an associate, so she saw it right before her eyes how hard he worked during those first few years as he nurtured his business. His company was one of the first clients that she’d been assigned to work on, and when she got promoted to Junior Partner, her mentor gave her The White Company as her first official client. The timing couldn’t be more brilliant since she and Luke just broke up two days prior, but she knew there was no way she could turn down such a big business.

Fuck, she’s thinking about him again. She immediately makes a mental note in her head to ask Harry for an extra orgasm tonight to keep him out of her mind. But now she can’t help snickering at the thought because she makes it sounds as if she’s asking for extra ketchup. 

“Cat got your tongue?” He asks and she turns to look at him. He gives her a tiny smirk before his eyes get back on the road, but he reaches his hand out to her bare knee to give her a squeeze. “Still haven’t answered me, doll.”

“Sorry- what did you ask?”

“Why did you want me to go with you?” He asks again. “He wants to merge, right? That’s totally your thing. You don’t need me.”

“You helped me with his crisis a few months ago,” she reminds him. “Just thought we could do his business together again. He’ll be happy he’s getting two partners, the firm will be happy because they can charge double. It’s a win-win, really.”

“Bollocks that,” Harry laughs. “Worst bullshit I’ve ever heard.”

“That’s all, honest,” she feigns innocence.

“Honey, I didn’t go through law school for nothing, did I?” He replies without moving his head, keeping his eyes on the road. “You’re using me as a human condom, aren’t you?”

“What the hell does that even mean?” She drops her jaw in shock at the fact that he calls her out on the carpet just like that.

“You’re afraid you’ll catch feelings again if you’re left alone with him, so you bring me as a shield. Am I right?” He asks her with an accusatory eyebrow raise. “You know what, no need to answer that. Of course I’m right.”

“I told you, he’s just a client now,” she insists, trying to ignore her heart pounding in her chest as Harry’s hand inches its way up her thigh. It’s incredibly arousing, but she also finds it a little disturbing since they’re having a conversation about a man she’s head over heels for. She almost want him to stop but fuck if she’s going to ask him.

“Look, I don’t know exactly what’s going on here,” he says, and it’s really hard for her to concentrate on what he’s saying since he’s squeezing her thigh. His fingers pressing deep into her muscles and she can only wish they’re a few inches higher. “But if in any way you want to get him back, just say the word and I’ll back away, yeah?”

“There’s nothing going on, Harry,” she reassures him. “You’ve got to trust me on this. He’s just a client now.” 

“You sure?” Harry asks again. Turning to look at her briefly before he pulls into a parking space and puts the car in park, but she can tell by the tone in his voice that he doesn’t buy a single thing she’s said.

“I’m sure,” she nods reassuringly.

Harry grins as he reaches up and tweaks her on the nose. “You’re cute when you lie.”

“Shut up, shithead,” she mutters as she pulls on the door handle. It opens and she steps out, taking a moment to smooth down her dress. Leaning back down, she looks inside the car to look at Harry and give him a wink. “Now let’s go. The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can reciprocate.”

***

“You have it bad for him, don’t you?” Harry cocks an eyebrow at her accusingly, not even bothering to wait until Luke disappears past the lift to take a call.

YN blinks in surprise at his accusation, but instead of denying it for the second time tonight, she finally concedes. “Is it that obvious?”

“Holy shit,” this time, it’s Harry’s turn to look at her in surprise. He definitely wasn’t expecting her to admit it, but fuck if he believed that bullshit she told him in the car. “No, it’s not obvious. But I know you better than anyone in this room.”

She chuckles, before taking a swig of her Chardonnay. “True.”

“I meant what I said earlier in the car,” Harry reminds her. “Just say the word and I’ll back away. He’s probably still into you too.”

She just stares at him for a second. She’s obviously contemplating something, he can tell. He braces, wondering if she’ll finally tell him to back away. He has to remind himself to be cool, to just nod and smile if she actually does say that. They’re not exclusive, and as amazing as this last six months has been, he knows all good things come to an end. He has no absolute reason to be upset, he knows that. And as her best friend he only wants the best for her. If she thinks Luke can make her happy, then so be it.

He’s ready for her to tell him to back away. He does. Not saying that he’ll be happy, but he’ll accept it. So imagine his surprise when she gives him a smirk and says, “let’s go all the way tonight.”

Harry’s head shoots up, and he narrows his eyes at her. “You fucking with me?”

“I was hoping you’d be the one doing all the fucking,” she murmurs, still smiling coyly at him and somehow has the audacity to dip her eyes in a completely fake showing of shyness.

Harry’s eight-inch piece of equipment that had been jumping and twitching like an excited puppy now goes to full mast, pushing hard against his zipper. He drains the rest of his drink in one big gulp, not wanting to waste any time. “Stay here and wait for him to finish that sodding call. Make up an excuse for me and distract him while I go and try to get us a room upstairs.”

“You do realise that my flat is literally ten minutes away from here right? And your place is like, what, twenty minutes tops?”

“Upstairs is closer,” he lowers his voice huskily. “They have beds too.”

Her eyes sparkle with excitement. “Beds, huh?”

“What? Don’t fancy shaggin’ on a bed?” He says with a smirk, sitting straighter as he smooths his tie. “I’ll see if they’ve got anything with a balcony then.”

“You’re a lawyer, aren’t you?” She mocks, rolling her eyes. “Does the word indecent exposure mean anything to you?”

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?”

“I did,” she challenges him with a spark of defiance in her eyes. “And what are you gonna do about it?”

“Do that again and you’ll get the palm of my hand,” he tells her ominously.

“You’re all mouth and no trousers, Styles,” she taunts him. 

“Good luck trying to sit tomorrow.”

***

In less than fifteen minutes, YN is standing in a lift with Harry’s lips roaming her neck and his finger sinking deep inside of her.

She didn’t have to make up an excuse when Luke went back to their table after taking the call. Apparently, there was some emergency and he needed to get back to his office as soon as possible for an emergency meeting with the boards. She assured him it was fine and that they could easily arrange another meeting to further talk about his plan to merge with another hotel group.

Harry doesn’t waste much time as he pushes the button to their floor and the doors close. He stalks towards her, cupping her head to bring her mouth to his, and his other hand going directly between her legs. She slips her tongue into his mouth and touches it against his, the vibe of the kiss turning a bit dirty. It’s a thrilling turn on, causing waves of pleasure to pulse through both of them. His tongue ends up dominating hers in the most searing, sexually explosive kiss she’d ever been given.

His hand softly fondles her for a moment, and then he’s inside of her, curling his finger in a way that has her knees buckling. He immediately saves the day by pushing one of his legs in between hers to hold her steady. He knows he doesn’t have time to get her off before they reach their floor, so he breaks the kiss and roams his lips along her neck lightly, moving his finger in and out of her leisurely but so very deeply. Her hips flex against him, trying to demand more, but she’s just going to have to wait.

When the lift starts to slow near their floor, he calmly removes his hand, smoothes her dress down, and gives her a light kiss on the nose.

He’s smiling at her as he closes the door behind them, in a completely relaxed, but thank fuck we’re finally doing this and I’m here to fuck you senseless kind of way, and it manages to show the two dimples he sports on either side of his full lips.

Their lips meet again as he leans in, softly at first, just a taste to whet the appetite. His arms tighten around her, and he increases the pressure, urging her to open up and let him in. He’s a force to be reckoned with in a courtroom, and fuck if she’s not thanking her lucky stars that he’s just the same in the bedroom. He moves his lips against hers, making delicious little thrusts and flicks with his tongue, teasing and tantalising, all while stroking her back in the most incredibly sensual way that makes her tingling from head to toe. 

He loves how she just melts against him when he rubs her back, and how adorably dazed she looks just from a kiss. Grinning at her, he reaches a finger out to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. The blood in his dick thumps, eagerly demanding to move things along, but he’s determined to take his time with her. 

Her mouth waters as her hands work at his belt buckle. His cock is thick and hard when she pulls him free of his boxer briefs, and she drops to her knees with her hand wrapped around his girth. It’s standing straight up before her after she releases it for a second, and she melts at the sight. There’s one perfectly thick vein running straight up the middle, but then it veers off at an angle. And although this is certainly not the first time she sees it, she can’t help but cock her head to the side just to see where it goes. 

He palms the side of her head with one hand and holds her hair in a ponytail at the back of her head with the other. Looking up at him, she can see his jaw is locked tight and his chest is rising and falling rapidly.

She squeezes him hard, just the way she knows how he likes, and strokes up and down a few times, making him groan. His head falls back, eyes squeezed shut. “Please, sweetheart.”

“Ssh,” she shushes him before she murmurs low in her throat. “I’ve got you.”

She finally opens her mouth, bares her teeth slightly, and then scrapes them lightly over the tip. A long, deep groan rumbles out of him, his eyes remain shut tight. Exhilaration and victory swells within her, knowing that just that one tiny touch reduced him to utter helplessness. 

He opens his eyes, gazing at her. His voice is thickened and gruff when he says, “you’ve got no idea how beautiful you look while on your knees before me.”

She responds to him by leaning in, and without hesitation taking the tip of him into her mouth, making him groan in relief. He grips her lightly, his fingers pressing into her scalp as a means of holding her steady and not to force action. She licks and sucks, squeezing and stroking him with her hand. He’s watching her from above with lust on his face, and she’s savouring every little groan she drags out of this normally stoic man. She flutters her tongue on the sensitive underside just below the head of his cock, her hand gently squeezing his balls as she works his shaft. 

“Been dying to get that cherry lipstick on my cock,” he mutters softly, she can barely hear him. He grits his teeth as he slowly pulls out of her mouth. “Knew that red lipstick would look good on me.”

Her eyes slide to his cock, and she has no clue what her mouth looks like, but she’s absolutely sure most of her lipstick is gone since it’s smeared beautifully along the length of his shaft. She tries to take it back into her mouth, determined to bring him into completion that way, but his hand immediately covers her, holding her still while his eyes pin her in place. “Wanna be inside you.”

He helps her stand on her feet, and the next thing she knows, her dress pools around her ankle. His hands come to the back of her bra, flicking it open and pulling it from her. Then he drops to his knees before her. Fingers going under her knickers, he pulls them down just enough to gain access and runs his tongue up her centre. 

He had fantasised about her naked before him more times than he could probably admit that he has to blink twice to convince himself that this time is real. And fuck if it isn’t much better than his dreams.

“Bed,” he commands, and she crawls on it with the intent to lay in a sexy pose as she turns over to face him, but he’s on the bed with her, quick as lightning, and flips her to her back.

Her eyes go up to find him staring at her tits, and she can’t help but joke. “They don’t bite, you know.”

His gaze comes up to meet hers, and his lips curve slightly. “But I do. It’s probably going to hurt a little.”

A shudder ripples through her, and her nipples harden. His eyes flick back down to her breasts. She swallows hard at the anticipation, the thought of him getting a little rough with them is thrilling, but there’s something else she wants more right now.

“I’m fucking dying to be inside you right now,” he whispers in her ear. His admission elicits a deep moan to escape from her lips. “Last chance to change your mind, doll.”

“Please just fuck me already,” she whimpers, her hands roaming his body. Every glide of her fingers over his skin fills him with a fullness he’s never experienced before. “I’m losing my mind.”

With one hand pressed into the mattress, Harry uses the other to take his cock in hand. He dips his hips, pressing the tip right into her entrance. Blowing out a breath, he brings his eyes to hers and holds her captive, finally thrusts deeply into her. She screams, not in pain but in pure fucking ecstasy, as he fills her up. Harry bottoms out, his pelvis pressed hard into hers. 

Baring his teeth, he mutters, “fuck… that feels good.”

“Would feel better if you move,” she suggests with a smirk.

Harry stays completely still inside of her. He breathes in deeply, closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them up again, he gives her a sheepish grin. “I’m afraid to move. Afraid I might embarrass myself and blow my load in about two nanoseconds.”

She lets out a giggle, pretty sure that’s the one and only time in her life she’s ever done something so girly. Harry laughs huskily and kisses her hard. He doesn’t move an inch from his waist down but just kisses her deeply with thorough possession. When he pulls away, he tentatively circles his hips, grinding into her.

“Fuck,” Harry mutters, and drops his forehead to hers. “Yeah… definitely not gonna last long.”

Her hands go into his hair and she massages his scalp, incredibly touched and turned on over his reaction to her. She tugs on his hair, pulling his face away from hers. “Harry?”

He moves reluctantly and looks down at her with that same abashed look. She tilts her hips, clenches her internal muscles around his cock, and then rubs her thumbs into his scalp.

“Let go,” she commands him softly. “Fuck me hard and come as fast as you want. We’ve got all night.”

***

Harry’s hand reaches out, tapping the screen on his phone to turn the alarm off, laying silently in the predawn gloom pondering about his situation at this very moment.

There’s a naked, beautiful woman on top of him, and fuck if he can remember when was the last time he woke up with someone else in his bed. It’s not that he’s averse to cuddles; if the woman wants a cuddle with him after sex, he’d give it to them. The act of intimacy like that doesn’t scare him whatsoever. But normally he’d be out of their hair long before the sun is up, leaving them to wake up alone and him to start his day as if the night before didn’t happen.

He always tells himself to forget whoever he shags the night before no matter how great of a fuck she was, although he’ll allow himself to bring forth the memories when he jerks off if needed. 

YN fell asleep a few hours prior, spread-eagled over his body right after she collapsed from the most recent fuck-fest. She came, he came, then she fell forwards onto his chest and was out like a light. And he left her right there all night. Letting her lie on top of him, calling it a day well completed and went to sleep himself.

His hand slides down from her stomach right between her legs, his fingers swiping through her folds which become slicker with desire the more he plays. She softly moans in her sleep and her lower body starts to squirm. Her breathing hitches, and the second she cracks her eyes open, she gives him that happy, sleepy, please fuck me again smile. 

He gently eases her down from the top of his chest to lay beside him, rolling her to the side so her back is facing him. Then he pushes her outer leg up, sliding his body down just a little bit, angling his cock to slip into her from behind. 

Harry moves slowly as he’s spooned around her and she moans in pure bliss as he fills her up. The arm that her head is resting on comes up to curve across her chest and hold her tight. His other hand grips the back of her thigh firmly to pin her in place.

“More,” she whispers on a forced exhalation. 

“Fuck me,” he mumbles against her hair. “My girl wants more.”

And he gives her more. Fucking her exquisitely and with no doubt that neither of them has ever had it that good. He takes her higher and higher, the sweet words that he’s whispering in her ear is the complete opposite of the kinky shit they did last night. 

“Balcony?”

YN didn’t hesitate, following right behind him as he pushed the doors open. A light breeze filters in but it’s still muggy outside. They’re on the seventh floor, and they can still hear the rumble of engines and the honking of horns below them. The quiet darkness of Belgravia stretches out beyond.

Harry walked up to the edge of the balcony, which was made of stone and concrete, sitting about three and a half feet high. He pulled her into his arms and gave her a searing kiss. She moaned, slipping her tongue in his mouth and gripped onto his shoulders. The kiss was deep and wet, and honestly, the best kind of kiss.

He pushed her up against the wall, laying a palm over one breast. Squeezing, plumping, testing the weight in his hand. He rubbed a thumbnail over her nipple, eliciting the softest sigh from her. 

He brought his other hand south. Straight shot, right to her centre. Her head dropped to his shoulder as his fingertips continued to circle and rub against her. Within minutes she had his fingers deep inside her and his thumb working her hard. He wanted nothing more than to just line up and push his way in, but he waited. He waited until he saw her trembling became a little fiercer, her body tensed, and when she sucked in a large gulp of air, he knew that was his cue.

He quickly removed his fingers, bracing his hands on her hips and slammed forward. She took him all the way in and he cursed under his breath as he felt her spasm all around him when she came. For a second he thought about hitting it hard, chasing another orgasm, but then he decided against it, wanting to relish the scenery and listen to the sounds of the city.

“Let’s just quit our jobs and fuck all day,” Harry jokes as he drops her leg back down into place.

“Sounds good to me,” she laughs as she reaches around him, grabbing the complimentary bottle of water on the nightstand, taking a sip before she hands it to him and he finishes it in a couple of long swallows. 

“Thirsty?”

“Starving too,” he replies in a way that doesn’t make her think he wants some bacon and eggs. 

Within seconds, he has her on her back again as he slides down her body, roughly pushing her legs apart. Her hands shoot out, grabbing the sides of his head before he gets the chance to descend even lower. “No.”

“What?”

“Let me get cleaned up first,” she says lamely, pretty sure she’s killed the mood. “I mean… I’m filled with-”

Harry ignores her, cutting her off by dropping his mouth right between her legs and begins sucking. She shrieks from the warm contact, surprised by how sensitive she is, and as he lifts his gaze to hers, he murmurs. “That’s you and me together, and we taste fucking delicious.”

Her body trembles from his words, and through a dry and parched throat she croaks, “then by all means.”

“Thank you,” he says with a wink, then proceeds to bring her to another shattering orgasm that totally wrecks her.

[bobby-lynnes-bra]

name a song for each letter of your username!

tagged by my nemesis @beca-mitchell 😡❤️ blinding lights by The Weeknd everybody wants to rule the world by Lorde you need to calm down by Taylor Swift ocean drive by Duke Dumont no tears left to cry by Ariana Grande drive by Jakle & Hide - born this way by Lady Gaga elastic heart - by Sia crazy youngsters by Ester Dean (that song is a fucking BOP) halo by Beyonce love on top by The Fucking Bellas (their official name fyi) oops!... I did it again by Britney Spears (bc it’s not quite as old as I am but it’s getting there) everybody knows by Sigrid

[noir-renard]

AU where Harry was told even less information upon arriving in the wizarding world. Like, he knows he's a wizard, but that's it.

So when Quirrell or h/e tf you spell it unravels his turban and turns around and Voldy is all aHA! It was me all along, the Dark Lord!

Harry just says uh, who? Because this strange two faced man is saying his name slash title like it should Mean Something To Harry. But it doesn't.

And Voldy just thinks Harry is being a little shit or something idk he hates kids for this very reason so he repeats, The Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort!

Harry shrugs and is all er, ok? Good for you, Mister Edgelord?

But Voldy continues, I've waited ten long years to meet you again, Harry Potter, ever since that fateful night, my one true nemesis--

And Harry interrupts like, my man, my dude, my good sir, I literally don't know who you are. Also. Why are you so obsessed with me?

I AM HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.

And Harry is all yeah, they sure didn't. Never heard of you, literally.

Which for Voldy is just not on because he's a narcissist and what's the point of starting war and nearly dying for all his power and glory if no one knows about him anymore? Maybe it was a bad call, making everyone stop saying his Super Original Do Not Steal OC name that he spent all that time coming up with, plus a neat little spell to rearrange the letters of his givennsme to spell out his New And Improved one?

No, it's the children who are wrong, obvs. SO. he's all, someone must have mentioned me. I killed your parents, after all.

Harry shakes his head at the poor delusional snake man. Maybe he and Quirrell have to share one brain cell? And today isn't his turn? Harry doesn't know, doesn't care. My parents died in a car crash, he explains. Only I survived.

No! It was me! I tried to kill you too! As a baby!

You tried to kill me when you were a baby?

NO!! When YOU were a baby!

Oh. And you failed? Um. Maybe that's why no one remembers you? Because you were defeated by a baby? Not very lordly of you.

And Voldy is just fuming at this point. Maybe literally? Idk. Whatever visuals tickle your fancy. Didn't you wonder how you got that scar?, he asks, (very derivative of Health Ledger, fyi, it's embarrassing really, because that's not even how the line goes, but w/e), didnt you wonder why they call you the boy who lived?

Uh, most people call me Harry? My arch nemesis calls me Potter. Pottah! Harry chuckles. That posh accent is something else--

I'M YOUR ARCH NEMESIS! The delusional two-face screams.

Sure you are, Harry says indulgently, but I got my scar in the car accident.

Voldy is speechless. This isn't happening, it can't be, except that it totally is.

Um, are you alright? Harry says, because he's polite to the mentally infirm, they can't help being the way they are. Maybe you need some professional help? He suggests.

And Voldy is just Done(TM) with this so he tries to strangle Harry or whatever because his Monkey (snake?) Brain made him forget he is a Wizard and can use magic to do damage after rolling a D20 for attack, but Harry's AC is too high AND he rolls a Nat 1, so Voldy gets burned by the Power of Love.

Harry leaves the whole affair none the wiser because Dumbles still doesn't tell him anything, because he's Dumbledore not Let's-share-important-info-with-Harry-ledore.

Anyway. Maybe once Harry learns who Voldemort really is he just keeps pretending he doesnt know just to fuck with old snake face.

Or! Equally funny: Harry never finds out who Voldemort is, because everyone assumes that Harry already knows, because he must know right? Someone definitely told him? (Spoiler alert they didn't) so yeah, they never tell him. AND because everyone is too scared to say the name Voldemort, Harry keeps forgetting it. It was something French, maybe? Pain Perdu? He calls him Dark Edgelord every time they meet, because for some reason he keeps coming back for more?

I just really like to imagine Voldemort saying I'm You Know Who, and Harry is all I Really Don't Know Who.

[bigsnzstanacct]

D/ream Da/ddy SnzFic D*mien 1

I wrote a DD sneeze fic. I wanted to do a date each with all the dads and I may yet get to it but idk, I feel like I’d have to replay the game to get the style down again.Anyway!

Fyi His name is Cary… because that’s as close to “character” as I could get with a real name. Actually he uses a first initial. P. Cary. (The P is for player.) (Maybe the name is why he has daddy issues?) (dream daddy issues *eyebrows*).

Also Amanda is the Player Character’s daughter. That’s probably the only info you need if you don’t watch the show.

— Damien 1

I awkwardly fidget with my clothes. That’s what you do right, before you walk into your weirdly hot neighbor’s giant Gothic house? Right? Before you talk to your neighbor who walks around every day in a cape and waistcoat, and yells at Dead, Bath, and Beyond employees for insufficiently Victorian clothing, and could probably out vampire Brad Pitt in that Brad-Pitt-is-a-Sexy-Vampire movie… before you walk into his house, you fidget, right? That’s definitely normal. I’m sure it’s normal. Positive. Even if you are well-dressed, even if for whatever reason you put on your navy suit, even combed your hair into something approaching presentable, and if you happen to have worn the tight suit pants that show off the results of your squats well, that didn’t make things weird, right? Just one Dad visiting another Dad’s house, no ulterior motives here, no matter how single and attractive the Dads are—or at least one of the Dads are, and—

And all of a sudden there’s a crash of thunder, which came out of nowhere I swear, and then he door is open and there he is…

“Oh, hello, Cary. Delighted to have you.”

It’s an imposing sight. Damien standing there, in front of his big, scary, weirdly beautiful house, tall, lithe, pale, right on the edge of gaunt. Tall black doorframe towering over him, that waistcoat accentuating his tight, grab-able waist, the cape emphasizing his broad shoulders… the hard ridge of his jaw, the cascade of his hair. And those eyes. Purple eyes. That must be color contacts, right?

“Uh, Cary?”

OH THAT’S RIGHT I HAVE TO TALK.

“H-hey Damien! I, uh, thanks for… is there always a clap of thunder when you open the door?”

My dumb mouth.

“Usually.” Damien responds. I almost say something but then… I see the twinkle in his eyes.

“You’re… messing with me!” I exclaim, exasperated.

“Of course I am, didn’t you read the weather forecast? There’s supposed to be sporadic storms all day today. Lucky you came in before…”

And then it’s as if the whole sky opened up, because there’s a downpour out of nowhere and I have to sprint up the stairs and into this house before I get drenched. “H-heh, missed it by an inch, huh?”

I take in the house. It’s large, imposing… yes, creepy for sure but… also… really impressive. Full of oil paintings that ought to be full on Scooby-Doo terrifying, but… nope. They’re weirdly inviting, below the thin veneer of terror they inspire. Sort of like Damien himself.

“Might I interest you in a tour of the premises?” Damien asks, shocking me out of my reverie. Amanda told me I had to talk, and here I am, in Damien’s house, staring and not talking. Great job, Cary. I nod, apparently under the desire to convince Damien that I’m mute. Luckily, he loves talking about his house, and fills the silence much better than I could. I like that in a man. Good at talking. Definitely on my top ten qualities. “I’d love to show you…” Damien says, “well… a bit of a surprise, but. You’ll just have to stay for tea, until the rain clears up, I simply must show you… well, first, my bedroom. Not um,” he pinks up. The blush looks good on his pale skin. Can he hide anything from people? “Not to be… forward in any… it’s just, the best painting’s there. And I thought you might want to see. It’s an authentic 19th century painting, based on a scene from Tennyson, one of his dialogues, and it seemed like you liked the other paintings. Nothing more, of course.”

I’m pretty sure he’s walking a little faster now, and I bet if I wasn’t behind him I’d see that adorable blush again. Too bad the cape blocks the view of his ass… Geez, I have sex on the brain. I need to get laid. Or maybe it’s just spending time with all these guys… how is it that every single dad on this block is hot? And most of them are single! It’s almost like somebody planned it.

Damien shows me the painting, which, yes, I love it. And somewhere between the painting, and the library, and the fanfiction—don’t lie to me Damien, I know a slashfic when I see one—and the butterflies and the tea… I start having fun. I start having a lot of fun actually. I finally regain the use of my mouth, so I can actually talk, and once I’m talking we’re having a great conversation! The whole Victorian thing isn’t Damien’s whole personality or anything, it’s just something he really likes. And there’s something really charming about having a hobby he’s so passionate about. I wish I had any hobbies I was passionate about, besides of course the niceties of lawncare. And puns. I am passionate about puns. I’m a Dad, after all.

“…and it’s finally cleared up so… I can show you the last thing!” Damien says, excitedly. “If you’d like? I haven’t taken up too much of your time? I of course have the greatest deference for the leisure time of my houseguests, I wouldn’t want you to think I’m expecting you to bestow your entire afternoon upon me.”

“Oh, Damien, I’d love to bestow my afternoon on you.” Why does that sound vaguely dirty? “Lead the way!”

And so lead the way he does, walking me out into… oh no.

Well, not just oh no. It is beautiful. It’s gorgeous, it’s a whole garden of what seems like every single kind of flower in the world, it’s absolutely incredible. It’s just my allergies, and more than my allergies it’s…

“Oh no, you don’t like it. I… usually this is the part they like best, but… we can go back in if you…”

“No, no!” I interrupt, my voice blessedly free of the taint of allergic urge… for the moment. “No, we don’t need to go back in, I really like it here this is… this is incredible, Damien! I was just…” I rub at my nose quickly, hoping against hope that it won’t betray me again but… my nose always betrays me. My nose is my nemesis. Or at least the nemesis of me looking cool. Or sounding like a human, instead of—what did ‘Manda call me?—a fifty-foot-tall moose monster slash air cannon with a side of a large lion-type animal purring, weirdly?—Oh. Damien’s staring. I’m doing that not-talking thing again. “I was just taking a moment to take it all in, that’s all.” I say, all in a rush. For a second doubt flickered in his eyes, but Damien seemed to buy my explanation for the moment so all’s clear on the western front. For now.

Things go surprisingly well. Damien’s telling me what all the different flowers mean, and how the Victorians used flowers to express the feelings they were too awkward to express with words, and honestly that sounds pretty excellent to me. I manage to pull out that knowledge of flowers I gained once from watching a history channel special while half asleep, which seems to impress Damien (3AM History Channel to the rescue once again!). And Damien’s telling me all about how he put together a bouquet to express “I feel slight regret at having mistaken you for a human being when you are in fact a rotting skunk carcass in a suit and an Edwardian monocle,” when I felt…

IT.

Oh no. Oh no. IT was coming. I felt it. It was already too late. I felt it taking me over, rooting itself in my toes, radiating out from the tips of my nostrils to send a shiver down my spine, taking control of every ounce of strength in my body, stretching my mouth like loading a cannon, shutting my eyes as I shook my head, faintly protesting against the all-consuming power taking hold of me. It was coming. It was inevitable. It was unstoppable.

I was about to Dad Sneeze.

I remembered the day it came over me. I had been on guard for it. I had been vigilant. I had declared: I wasn’t going to fall prey. I might not be a cool dad. I could embrace the finer details of tree-pruning. I could expertly attempt to fix sinks, call the plumber, and have the whole thing fixed before Amanda or her mom got home. I loved Dad puns. But I was not going to be a Dad Sneeze Dad. No way. No how. It wasn’t going to get me…

I was on a date with Amanda’s mom when it struck. I was’t event trying to be a Dad then! I was being a Cool Guy Who Happened To Be Married And Have A Kid. I was going to get laid that night. (I still did. *wink*) I was just getting into the precise details of the color my steak should be on the inside when an urge came over me like none I’d ever felt before, and urge that was utterly beyond my control. Before I even knew what was happening, my face was exploding with a sound that terrified even me, let alone how the roar terrified half of the patrons of the very swanky restaurant I was treating my wife to (that I also, purely incidentally, happened to have a coupon for.) I was worried in the aftermath that a) I no longer had a face because I’d blown it off in the sneeze, or b) we’d be kicked out of Chez Frenchtaliano Surf and Turf. (A) wasn’t the case, but (B) was a near thing.

My Dad Sneezes had gotten worse since then.

But there was nothing to do, and as long as I’d managed to forestall it, among all these flowers? It was going to be a Dad Sneeze for the ages. I hitched, I gasped, I wheezed. I caught Damien’s terrified expression through shutterclicks as my eyes fluttered, and my head tipped back, and the feeling reached it’s apex and…

“HHHAARRRRRRRRRSSCCHHHHHHHOOOPPPPPFFFAAAGRRLLL!!!”

A ridiculous, thunderous, earth-shaking, category 9 Dad Sneeze exploded from my face.

My eyes stayed closed a moment after the sneeze, as I enjoyed the wash of euphoria that came over me after every monstrous sneeze, the momentary afterglow before I had to face the crowd I’d terrified. I sheepishly opened my eyes, half-afraid I’d blown down half Damien’s garden to find…

Damien’s eyes closing, his eyebrows going up, up, up, mouth falling open, the architecture of his nostrils flaring and twitching towards a…

“WWWWHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAASSCCHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

Have you ever thought about what a vampire would sound like if it roared? That’s what Damien sneezing sounds like. Not a match for my own, it would probably only terrify three, four mallgoers on the outside (my record is roughly twenty-three; it had come on suddenly and I was in the middle of frantic Christmas Week Unprepared Single Dad Shopping), but a true Dad Sneeze nonetheless. I have to give the man his respect.

“Well! Excuse me!” Damien exclaims, giggling a bit. “I’m so sorry, I’ve just… did you know the Victorians were the first to identify the phenomenon of ‘sympathetic sneezing’?”

I can’t help but smile. There’s nothing to make you feel like you didn’t ruin a date neighborly hangout in a lovely Victorian garden with your galumphing sinuses than an equally (well, not quite equally) calamitous nasal eruption immediately following.

“Nice sneeze.” I say, raising my hand for a high five.

“Nice sneeze,” Damien responds, aiming for the elbow with flawless technique. Did the Victorians high-five? “Shall we… adjourn to the indoors, or…”

He seems almost hesitant to go inside, and to be honest so am I. As long as he’s cool with putting up with my…

“I mean, as long as you’re cool with putting up with my…” I say, miming the Sneeze of Doom I’d just unleashed.

“As long as you won’t mind my echoing call. We shall resound through the garden together! Now, have I explained to about the white crocus?”

“N-nuhh… you h-have… h-haveehhhhh… ehhHHH… EEEEHHHHTTTRRRRUUUSSSSCCCCHHHHHKKKKKKBBBBP!”

“WWWHHHHHEEEEYYYYYYYSSSHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!”

[thedivergingpaths]

The Diverging Paths: What Could Have Been

So in light of a post I reblogged recently (and also just other discussions elsewhere) I’ve decided to tackle my ideas and opinions about how Three Houses could have done a more solid job at diverging paths (hehe because of my blog name).

These opinions are both my own and my own as developed by reading stuff, some of which I have reblogged here and some of which I just read. Just a sort of disclaimer and FYI.

So here we go!

White Clouds

I think the differences should have been more prominent, not just in the occasional cut scenes, with changes in lord dialogue and group dynamics. Important, especially for the shared beats of the game, but each route should have had distinct beats and not just shuffled up dialogue for the same beats.

To clarify, what I mean by beats is story beats - i.e. like scenes and the content that goes with it.

I do think White Clouds should still have similar missions and objectives across all routes, because I think it would help demonstrate how divided Fódlan became following the war and five years during Byleth’s absence.

So there should have been more distinct missions, or even if they were the same, maybe shuffle what exactly happens. Like while leading the Black Eagles, maybe instead of confronting the church invades in the tomb, they are confronted elsewhere because of a failed diversion by Edelgard and Hubert.

And some of the missions that really should be Faerghus missions - Miklan and Lonato - should be Blue Lions exclusive. There are other rumblings going on in the grand politics of the three nations, as seen in paralogues. Maybe instead of Hilda’s being the main one to discuss the conflict with Almyra pre-timeskip, maybe there’s a mission because of civilians at the border during a skirmish and the Golden Deer are sent to deal with it. It would be a good way to plant the seeds of Claude’s dream of open borders by actually, you know, exposing us to the wider world and having to make opinions based on people and not boogey-men. For the Black Eagles, we could actually do things in the Empire and meet the main players there rather than them just being mentioned or randomly appearing once the war begins.

Certain things I feel would need to happen to keep the main plot of the Empire vs Everyone Else going, such as Flayn’s rescue, Monica’s reveal as Kronya, the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, etc., etc.

Verdant Wind

Verdant Wind should have been grander in what it achieved. Claude wants to open up the borders of the world and foster understanding, and while some of the insulation and the whole war isn’t really something he can control, the world should have felt bigger in the Golden Deer route.

The Almyrans become allies and Claude is their Prince Khalid and yet we get very little of them and only one Almyran character appears in the second half of the route. I think it would have been interesting, and fun, to have had a few diplomatic-ish (tho because it’s fire emblem, inevitably having some sort of battle) missions with other nations, like Almyra, but maybe even Dagda and Sreng and a few other close nations that we even no less about, like Albinea.

For the Fódlan war, I think that the confrontation with Edelgard should be a little different. The cutscene doesn’t really fit, so maybe a different one where Claude and Byleth get ready for the final death match, but then Byleth holds Claude back as Dedue appears to avenge Dimitri and Duscur, even though Edelgard didn’t cause the Tragedy of Duscur, Dedue doesn’t know that and she’s also working with those who caused it so. I just think that it’d be good closure for Dedue before he leaves to mourn. Also ~collaboration~ in toppling the war.

And so, after the war in the immediate fall-out, I think the confrontation with the Agarthans/Those Who Slither in the Dark should still happen, but not culminate in Nemesis’ resurrection. As great as that cutscene is, I think having more efforts to try and reconcile with the Agarthans would be more interesting. Let there be non-homicidal Agarthans who just want to live in their caves with the shiny tech in peace.

Azure Moon

I feel like the route should have started more in Faerghus. Part of that country was annexed to the Empire during the five years of Byleth’s absence, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for Edelgard to make appearances there.

And in some ways, that would be more heartbreaking because Dimitri is in his kingdom, and his friends and followers are trying to get him to save their nation, but all he sees is Edelgard. It would be more of a blow to what choice he makes. He’s choosing vengeance over salvation. Until, of course, he begins to recover and really looks at what has become of Faerghus and figure out what he must do to end the suffering.

Also Dedue should be more involved once he returns because not only is he Dimitri’s retainer, their bond is a lot deeper than Dimitri and Byleth’s so Dedue should have had a stronger hand in Dimitri’s recovery arc.

Crimson Flower

It would be interesting if the route split wasn’t decided whether to betray the Church or turn on the Empire, but how to handle the war once Byleth returns from their five-year absence.

Like, let us either embrace the villain route - and potentially show how our allies who have a very different sense of morals start cracking under the banner of the empire - or let us challenge Edelgard’s motives and morals and goals.

I’m pretty sure that a lot of Edelgard’s anti-church and crest stance is really just nonsense fed to her by the Agarthans - particularly Thales - so that she could set Fódlan on fire for them. There were possibly similar lies told to Nemesis, honestly. And I think that should affect the trajectory of the game.

Embracing the villain route entrenches the Agarthans deeper into Fódlan politics, even though Hubert and Edelgard says it leaves a bad taste in their mouth, but both groups are taking advantage of each other. And obviously this would culminate in the battle with Rhea and her death. Basically, keep the route more or less intact but really drive home that this maybe isn’t the good and moral choice.

On the flip side, a Byleth who challenges but still cares for Edelgard might succeed in Edelgard at least considering she’s on the wrong path. And here I think the main foes should be the Agarthans. Essentially, abandon the war for a more internal one. I feel that the Kingdom and the Church would still be thorns in the Black Eagles’ side - because they’ve been at war for five years and Rhea is very angry at Edelgard and Byleth’s actions - but they’re not the focus. I think this route would be interesting to find out more of the depth of the Agarthans’ manipulations throughout history, their experiments, and maybe have a moral crisis when Edelgard realizes she’s just been an attack dog all this time.

Silver Snow

Really two big things:

1) I think the catalyst should be for this route is a Byleth who would not choose a house back in the pre-timeskip era. They end up a sparring master (replacing Jeritza once he leaves, but is like, a supporting teacher with him prior to that) and so we can forms bonds across all of the houses.

yes, this is to make it more painful when the war happens and all those kids you knew are grown up and killing each other

2) Byleth’s background should also be revealed in this route, and the history of the Nabateans as a whole. There’d be something poetic about returning to Zanado and having at least some of the battles, if not the climatic one, there. A sort of closure.

I’m not sure whether Rhea’s dragonic feralness should still happen or not, depends on how things go with the whole “well, time to talk about genocide and a dead society” goes I guess.

A Final Thought

I  think it would be appropriate if Byleth, the avatar character, could decide whether they became the supreme ruler of Fódlan/the archbishop (since it varies what they are by route) because while I get why the characters would hoist this onto Byleth, it seems to be more following “remember the past games where people were fulfilling their divine destiny as king, guess we’ll keep going with that!!! :)”

I just think it’d be neat to go “nope” and be able to nope off into the woods or something haha.

And it wouldn’t change anything but the ending slides, so it would really just be an Aesthetic choice, but it could give even more variety to the ending slides since most are basically the same, just some phrases swapped out depending on the route and pairing. Some are outright different which is cool, but most aren’t.

[robotsandromance-blog]

(1)Pocket-sized asshole robobts Anon here!! So severely injured Megatron/Soundwave/Knockout/Predaking (so tiny they could fit in a coat pocket) found by a human and cared for until they're too big to even stay in the apartment (let's say human has a studio apartment). Communications don't work for the Con so they need the human to either get them parts to build something or force human to go on a wild adventure to Jasper, Nevada to try and find the others.

shit like this im okay with answering whatever because it’s an elaboration idea, just fyi 

Megatron is the one, if he becomes attached to his human partner over the course of his recovery, will bring them back to the base/Nemesis regardless of them being willing or not. Any human he considers an asset should be honored; he’s found use of you. But if I’m honest, it’s more like he’s balls-deep in love with you and would be heartbroken if you left.

I bet my ass he’s the kinda smol demon who bites your fingers and scratches you up; to a point you’re often left with bleeding soon-to-be-scars, and having to convince your coworkers you just “got a new cat”. Despite that, though, he seems rather inclined to sleep in the same room as you. Unbeknownst to you, the overprotective con mini is keeping watch until he just can’t NOT avoid recharge.

Soundwave… oh lord, Sounders is a fun one. If he becomes attached to his human caretaker(which, lets be honest, he PROBABLY will) he will definitely “convince” them to come with him to the nemesis. Megatron will be more than happy to keep you, as long as you stay far away from him; after all, you returned his third in command. 

Soundwave is surprisingly cuddly. He’s happy to find out the joys of having something warm to curl up to and sleep on; even when he’s the size of a full-grown adult he’s trying to bury his face in your soft skin. His tentacle-things ARE of use sometimes; catching things you drop before you hurt yourself with them, for one. And if Laserbeak is still attached, he becomes quite the help, too.

kNOCKOUT. OH MY GOD KNOCKOUT. AS SOON AS I SAW HIS NAME I INSTANTLY SAW IT. He’s such a vain little bitch, but fuck does he enjoy the perks that come with being tiny. For one, he doesn’t have to get his hands dirty; you take care of that for him in a snap. He never has to lift a finger while he’s tiny; so what if you treat him like a sparkling? You’re nice, cute, have a cute apartment, and share all your movies and books with him. He’s in heaven.

When he returns to the nemesis, he practically begs you to come with him. Knockout is the most likely out of them all to become attached to his temporary caretaker. Either he thinks of you as a lover, or a carrier, is only told with time. Knockout did leave a few scars with those tools of his; you won’t be forgetting this fucker anytime soon.

Predaking is definitely like a weird cat. He lays in the sun, climbs up on your shoulder even when you tell him to fuck off, sleeps at the bottom of your bed(or across your head), not to mention the “gifts” he brings you. It’s like when you were younger and always wanted a cat; but this time, your kitten is a fully-mature metal transforming abomination. One that has no problems taking you with him in his inevitable return to his creator and the Nemesis.

Because he does act like a cat, though, he can be sweet sometimes. Particularly when he hurts you without meaning it; then he’ll often give you apologetic predacon nuzzles. It’s rather sweet. 

[catherine-batty-author]

If Destiel was a M/F pairing they would have been canon years ago... or maybe not. The slow burn TV couples.

Following on from my post The Show Made Me Do it (https://thechroniclesofjudas.tumblr.com/post/166439114361/the-show-made-me-do-it), I felt the need to speak again on a topic that seems to bounce around Tumblr all the time re Destiel – if they were a M/F pairing they would have been canon years ago.

All fandoms have ships and Destiel is not only one of the biggest but one of the most passionate. As I’ve said before and many meta writer’s have said (in far more detail) before me – it is there embedded in the show. Sometimes blatant, sometimes in subtext. But it is there.

I disagree with the notion that it is guaranteed that if they were a hetro paring they would have been canon by now. There have been many hetro (canon) screen couples who have had their relationships drawn out and explored over many years. All too often in TV hetro couples are thrown together within a series or two and then torn apart before coming back together again a few series later. It is a fairly standard trope - one used time and time again by SPN - but of course, it’s not romantic (whatever!).

But sometimes writers make interesting choices and there are canon couple/ships out there that have not taken the standard path…and the Destiel parallels are everywhere. Here are a few I love:-

The Doctor and River Song/Doctor Who

This is a brilliantly written relationship because it is known by dedicated fans and GA alike that they were a couple until her death. They loved each other deeply. She was one of the few beings in the universe who knew The Doctor’s real name. He spent 1 night (on a planet where that lasted 25 years in Earth time) with her because he knew the following day she would die based on their weird timeline, and he needed a way and time to say goodbye. Then, following her death he uploaded her memory into a computer so it was there for all eternity – it’s a beautiful love story told in reverse. Following her death he has kept her photograph with him. He finds it hard to talk about her and shuts people down when they try. But their relationship was not shown in a traditional light on screen. She is known as The Doctor’s wife, they even are shown getting married – however each time their relationship is shown, it is in the guise of something else. Although River was shown “marrying” The Doctor it wasn’t actually him. This was the same when she “killed” him. This follows a general theme of their on-screen relationship. What you see is not always what happened. The Doctor and River Song is basically all subtext but even if you don’t ship them you are not told you are delusional, it is accepted because it is canon.

Donna Moss and Joshua Lynam/The West Wing

There are soooo many parallels between Josh/Donna and Dean/Cas it’s unbelievable. Seriously, if you’ve never seen the West Wing (why not, it’s awesome and some of the best screen writing, ever) do it just for this.

So in a nutshell, Donna was introduced in the pilot as the personal assistant of Josh Lyman, the duty chief of staff of the White House. She was only meant to be a minor recurring character (like all the other assistants) but her on screen chemistry (mostly snark) with Josh meant her role was stepped up in S1 and then made a main cast member for subsequent seasons. They are also a big ship from S1 ep1.

Despite their snark and sass with each other, they care for each other deeply and are a great team. Their professional and personal relationships bleed over as time goes on as well. Over the course of 7 seasons they are on the same side, opposing sides, they fall out, they support each other, they are jealous when one is a relationship with someone else. They are not a canon couple until late in the final 7th season, but before they finally get together, it is common for their other love interests to ask the other party if they are “treading on any toes”. Third parties are always assuming there is more them because of they way they are with each other. Donna is directly asked in one ep if she loves Josh – we never see/hear her answer as the ep ends but her face says it all. When Josh is shot at the end of S1 she is broken. She doesn’t leave his side. When he survives, after a brief moment of longing looks they return to their old ways.

Interestingly enough; the writers (who had no plans to make Donna into the character she was, it was fan driven) deliberately kept them apart until the last season. Once the ship was known they slowly wrote two interesting characters who gradually came together with their endgame to become canon.

This is just a TINY insight in TWW writing of Josh/Donna but even so… the Destiel parallels are everywhere.

William Riker and Deana Troi/Star Trek: TNG

This really shows my age! (FYI I was 7 when this series started, my mum was sooo excited Start Trek was coming back and wanted me to watch it too. I also loved it from the start.) This one is a little different in that in the pilot it is canon that Riker and Troi were ex’s who still had feelings for each other. Over the course of 7 seasons they were never “together” but they had this sub-textual under current. There was a lot of pining and long looks at each other with occasional kissing. Again there was a lot of jealousy if one party was involve with someone else.  When they comforted one another they refer as “Imzadi” meaning beloved. They continued in this fashion for the full 7 seasons and 2 films, only becoming canon again briefly in the 3rd film and following their marriage in the 4th film “Nemesis” -15 YEARS after the pilot.

Temperance “Bones” Brennan and Seeley Booth/Bones.

This is another couple that took 6 seasons to become canon – even then it was because the writer’s hand was forced. It was clear that the endgame was to make them a couple but their friendship was developed first. As such there were many of the traits mentioned above and shared with Dean and Cas. Their relationship was only made canon after Bones actress Emily Deschanel fell pregnant. They could have hidden it but the writer’s decided to bring their endgame forward. Writer’s are fluid like that – we can change the direction as and when required.

If in 4.01 Castiel had chosen a female vessel (and this was the ONLY) change to the narrative) no one would have an issue with believing this to be an epic love story. But because it’s two men, it’s dismissed. (Technically one man and one being of multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent without gender, but hey.)

As @tinkdw said in her post Cas and Dean could have been totally platonic, (https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/163833238972/cas-and-dean-could-have-been-totally-platonic) I would have loved this show even if Destiel was a “family don’t end with blood” story. The brother Dean chose. It would have been an epic love story of a platonic/familial kind and free will. But it has been MADE romantic. The actors, writers, directors, editors, set designers etc, they have MADE this a slow burn romance. It might not have initially been planned that way but that is how stories (and life) work – it’s all fluid.

Even if you take out the favourite argument for it never being canon which is “Dean is straight” (he’s not but I’m not here to dissect that, meta writers have done a much better job at that than I can ever do), you are basically saying “a person/character has no ability to change or have room for personal growth”. And let’s face it, even in canon Dean’s already subverted many of the character traits he’s known for – why not this one?

It’s not AS common to keep a couple from going canon for as long as Supernatural has Dean and Cas, but in the end, I believe they will make the wait worth it. There is precedence after all. This isn’t a long list of slow burn TV couples there are so many we all could list, but these are just some that strike me a good parallels and leaves me hopeful for the future of these two idiots.

[please-dont-hurt-me]

Mchanzo rec

The cooking cowboy by SadakoTetsuwan (wip at 30 chapters right now, 77046 words, and has a mature rating)

“It had started simple—he just needed a good recipe for matcha cake to surprise Genji on his birthday, and so he’d started clicking around for tutorials on YouTube. But now Hanzo is in deep, and is officially part of ‘The Chuckwagon’; the mostly middle-aged, mostly female fan following of YouTube cooking sensation Jesse McCree, the Cooking Cowboy.How had his life come to this?“

I think I should make it obvious that I love this. I love that Mccree cooks and is so good at it, I love how Hanzo picks up a hobby. I especially love that mishaps happen because of a lawyer email. Genji is both a little shit and a good brother, like a realistic sibling. Hanzo’s anxiety feels kind of similar to my own in a sense.  It’s got good and realistic pacing, having them learn of each other, making the interact, start to flirt, have them meet, have hesitations, meet eachother halfway, and follow through. The only thing I’m not particularily fond of was the Gency but it was minor and was mostly just side fluff which is all right by me. 

One of my favorite parts of this fic is that it has a recipe at the end of each chapter

Hanzo, Denial is Not a River in Egypt by SadakoTetsuwan (complete with 1/1 chapters, 5787 words, and has an explicit rating )

“Jesse likes Hanzo.

He's glad that Hanzo likes him back.

There's only one problem.

Hanzo doesn't think he's gay.”

I remeber one day I was scrolling through the Mchanzo tag when I remebered that this fic existed, for two scenes only. “It’s not gay if the dicks dont touch” from Hanzo and the last bit with Hanzo yelling out the window. I remebered these two scenes and I started franticly scrolling through the pics for that one comic that has a link to this fanfic. Its a good fic but you will have your hands in your palms for most of with how ridicously in denial Hanzo is. 

Just fyi, theres a lot of kinky shit so the explict tag is on there for a reason

A faithful companion by kaijuborn (complete with 1/1 chapters, 10195 words, and has a rating of teen-and-up)

“Hanzo is a wanderer, always on the move after leaving his home and his duties. However, when winter comes and he finds himself in an abandoned town, he decides to stay for a while. A large, three-legged wolf accompanies him, though the animal appears to be more than what first meets the eye.”

This fic is very beutiful. like the begging captures calmness and serenity, the second captures the feeling you have in a warm bed, late at night after drinking tea, and the final beat is the fluttery feeling of attraction and affection and it’s amazing.

Five Times Hanzo Shimada Lost His Composure by leoandlancer (complete with 6/6 chapters, 31856 words, and a Teen-and-up rating)

“When Hanzo first arrived at the Watchpoint, he wasn't expecting anything like Jesse McCree. Already shouldering the responsibility of pursuing his redemption, and trying to reconnect with Genji, Hanzo is determined to make his new arrangement a success. However, the gunslinger has an irritatingly thoughtless way of making Hanzo loose his composure. (Five Times + One fic of Hanzo increasingly loosing his cool over all the little things that come easily to McCree because help me I need more fluff.)”

Okay this is straight sugar and it’s great. Also in other news: Hanzo is super gay.

The 85th Annual King County Bake-Off by venvephe (wip that 4/5 chapters complete, 37995 words, and has a Mature rating)

“It’s October first, and it’s all come down to this.

The cake is perfect. He’s been waiting for this moment all year, since the previous baking competition. This is his chance at redemption, at reclaiming the crown of the best baker in the county. It’s a title only the winner of the county fair can hold. He’s waited a year and spent hours upon hours at work. Early mornings and late nights, scrapped ideas and tons of flour and sugar went into his masterpiece. It’s all led to him to standing here, awaiting the announcement of the winners.

This year, it’s going to be Hanzo. Last year’s winner - his rival, his nemesis - is going down. Hanzo’s not going to let his mortal enemy take the crown for a third year in a row.

What kind of name is Jesse McCree, anyways?”

Hanzo is a very bitter baker who is angry that a “soccer mom” beat him. Hot guy whose his type approaches him at the competions. Turns out “soccer mom” is the hot guy, he wins. Hanzo’s pride is seriously bruised and litterally broke the fucking eggs at the goddman supermarket.... hanzo wtf is wrong with you. I mean this is perfectly in character but god this is why i can relate to mccree more in social situations. He’s such a stubborn guy and this stupid prideful man makes so many mistakes aaaghhhh.

Willing to lie by Ilyen (wip with 6 chapters, 58434 words, and an explict rating)

"It's Thanksgiving. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how you're still single? About how your parents really want more grandchildren? Well, look no further!

I am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen's guitar. I can play between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if I shave. I'm a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you'd like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I'm game."

-Jesse McCree probably

A story 110% based on this craigslist ad - http://cdn.foodbeast.com/content/uploads/2014/11/craig.jpg

This is ridicouslous. It pulls no punches with its comedy and its tradgety. Its great in how despite being put in a fucking miserable situation because of the shimada’s, Mccree is still so sweet to them and I live for how all of them interact. I love how shimada family dinamic works (or doesnt) because it show how toxic their enviroment and how they cope in diffrent ways. 

The Hunter and the Demon by WinterOcelot 

This one is a series which is great and I’ve commented on each of the fics in that series. the lore is amazing and so is the relationships. its definately worth the read. 

Here’s the summerary of the first fic:

“A violent creature has been murdering people in the small Japanese village of Hanamura. When nothing is done about it for a whole month, veteran monster hunter Jesse McCree decides it's time for a professional to be called in.What he happens to stumble across is far from what he was anticipating.“

but my favorite of the series’s summary is:

“Jesse gets a call about a vampire coven in Australia. He agrees to investigate, which means another lengthy flight for Hanzo the grumpy (but snuggly) demon.“

Sweet as Honey by Batkatbrown (wip with 12 chapters, 37516 words, and mature rating)

“Maybe.” Jesse’s voice rasped at the end, rising sharply. “But … um… if you did want… you know… a bed would be nice.” Jesse lowered his eyes to the ground, the slightest tremor running down his body. “Mabel’s asleep and your car’s just outside…”

Hanzo’s heart plummeted into his stomach, revulsion coiling into his throat like a living thing. “Jesse.” He paused to draw in a calming breath, fighting to control the beast inside. It raged in his eyes, and he curled his hand into a fist in Jesse’s shirt. The room felt too small, the air sucked away.

“When I take your mouth, you will be begging for it,” Hanzo’s voice growled in his throat. “Not a cheap offer to buy affection or kindness from me,” he drew Jesse down and tilted his mouth to his ear. “But because you can’t stand being parted from me for a single second more.”

It’s a beautiful fic full of realistic veiws of America; assholes, poverty, shitty care of vetrans, ptsd, and unfourte situations. Mccree is scrapping by and the cake he got for his sister’s birthday is smashed by an asshole and Hanzo swoops in and not only buys him a fancy birthday cake but multiple toys.

it seems like a sugar daddy au but it isnt. They might be attracted to each other but it is an exchange of sex for money.

Happiness is a Warm Puppy by murgamurg (complete with 2/2 chapters, 5170 words, and gen rating)

“Hanzo finds a ball of fur that waddles to him immediately.It is -- a puppy. He doesn't know what to do with a puppy.“

Its as pure and sweet as it sounds. Its amazing and theres 101/10 chemistry and I love how deep they are in pining. The last scene is amazing and 100000/10.

[black-strike-otp]

part 87

♫♪ I am not your pet, not another thing you own. I was not born guilty of your crimes. Your riches and your influence can’t hold me anymore. I won’t be possessed. Burdened by your royal test. I will not surrender this life, is, mine~ ♫♪

More small tidbits. Since tonight’s Halloween, there won’t be another chap tonight, and only one posted tomorrow as well, just an FYI!

Music lifted through the air and carried a melancholy tune through the shipyard. There was only one small craft in the large room void of bots. With the topside landing strip and lower hatch, this area was obviously hardly used. A thin layer of dust covered the majority of the room though it appeared someone had made a genuine effort to clear the area of some of it at one point and gave up.

The soft sneeze caused Blackout to flinch. He looked down at Novastrike’s apologetic smile as she sheepishly lowered her audio receptors.

He gave a small shake of his helm. Offering a brief smile, Blackout casually strolled over to the Jaguar. This had been their first meeting at the seeker’s vessel while on the Nemesis. Meeting in their rooms was unquestionably stupid, and speaking too frequently in the med-bay was risky business. They couldn’t depend on the option of just flying off the Nemesis and relying on late meet ups anymore; such frequent jours spent off the ship for even brief interweaving amounts of time was bound to come to Megatron’s attention if it hadn’t already.

Infiltrator poked his helm out first. The beast’s red optics looked to Blackout, then to Novastrike, then to Scorponok who offered a click in greeting. He turned around, wishing his tail as he returned inside the ship.

Assuming that was the best indication they were going to have that it was okay to enter, Blackout followed the dragon slowly.

The Jaguar clearly wasn’t built to have someone as tall as himself on board. It didn’t surprise him; he was above even the average ‘tallest’ bots. Slumping his shoulders, Blackout bowed his helm as he grumbled and squeezed himself into the tight space.

It came to some surprise to see a sight he hadn’t witnessed in generations. With bow in servo, Nighthawk drew the thin cable hair along those strung up along the violin. He hadn’t even considered the melody to be more than a recorded backdrop to hide their words, but with dark light adding to the atmosphere and almost pained look upon the medic’s faceplate, he played on the harmony.

“Gosh,” Novastrike whispered as she revered the seeker with envy. “I didn’t know Nighthawk could play an instrument. That sounds absolutely enchanting. Who wrote that?”

Light flickered in Nighthawk’s optics as he glanced slightly to Novastrike with embarrassment. He dropped his equipment from his shoulder and placed it neatly in a lined box on the floor. After snapping the case shut, he leaned forward in his seat to tap a button. The recording began to fill the area from his playing outside of the ship; muffled within the Jaguar.

“It’s an original,” Nighthawk admitted sheepishly.

“You play so lovely,” Nova murmured, nervously scuffing her pedes on the floor. “The song really draws a lot of pain, though.”

“That’s because it was written in a fit of pain,” the medic stated as he pushed himself up to stand.

“I’m surprised you still have that,” Blackout grumbled, nodding his helm to the instruments case as Infiltrator wound around the chair to retrieve it. He disappeared further into the ship to place it back where it had been stored.

“My sire got it for me,” he grunted in answer somewhat angrily. “I would never get rid of Roi Têtu.”

Raising an optic ridge, the giant mech snorted softly. “‘The Stubborn King’? An interesting name.”

“‘The greatest slave in a kingdom is generally the king of it’,” Nighthawk quoted with a simple nod. “Roi Têtu has been a fine friend to me over the years, and has reminded me of my more humble beginnings. I would never simply sell off or trade a trusted confident.”

Flicking her audios, Novastrike peered sideways up to Blackout. He offered a slight shrug. The name made little sense to him as well. He had believed it to be some silly reference to how musicians felt as though they were slaves to their weapons whim.

“I didn’t call you here for your interpretation of my work,” the medic spoke up firmly, walking over to pick up a datapad from a stand.

Blackout shifted his pedes, feeling a slight throbbing ache in his neck already for keeping in this hunched position. He watched as Nighthawk’s projector on his pad flashed out a large map. For a moment, the obsidian giant was confused by the moving dots on the screen. Then he looked through the large holographic screen to meet the seeker’s smug expression.

“This is a live feed of the cavern system where the space bridge is kept, isn’t it?”

“It is indeed,” Nighthawk agreed.

“Isn’t it dangerous to have more than just a screenshot,” Novastrike offered quietly.

“Why do we have an active ledger of what’s going on in the mines?” Blackout mused.

“Most likely to keep an optic on the workers,” Nighthawk stated in a voice that suggested such a question was obvious. He glanced to Nova as he went on, “I would agree with you on this normally, but I have a secure network hidden in the ship transmitting the feed.”

Blackout scoffed. “Safe? Even from Soundwave’s detection?”

Wincing slightly, the medic resized the screen display smaller so that he could easily meet Blackout’s optics. “I believe so,” he murmured nervously. “I used a data transfer developed by Soundwave himself.”

“How in Primus name would you get a hold of something like that?” Blackout asked with wide optics. “How can you even be assured it’s something Soundwave made?”

“Because I was given that encryption stick eons ago when it was a prototype Megatron had ordered so that Decepticons could hack into Autobot databases,” the seeker growled. “No one is as clever or capable of hacking a system as fast as Soundwave; he’s been a walking computer server since purging much of his emotional core for more space in that helm of his. So he invented these transmitter data sticks. They’re meant to go undetected and change their method of discretely taking data to go undetected as long as possible. Since I programmed it only to the program with the map for the mine, it’s even less likely to be found out; not to mention it’s recognized coding on our ship.”

Narrowing his optics, Blackout let out a slight vent. “Soundwave does happen to be preoccupied with decoding the Iacon relic locations,” he mused in a deep voice.

“The Iacon relics?” Nighthawk echoed.

“Long story, and one that doesn’t matter much at the moment anyway,” Blackout stated, pressing his pointer and thumb digit in the space between his optics. “How soon will you be ready to depart? Novastrike, Scorponok and I have practically everything we need on us; and I’m not risking stealing anything from this blasted ship and having Megatron hunt me down and throw me around the ship like he did you.”

“Thank you for that reminder,” the medic badgered with a flick of his wings. “Infiltrator and I are more than ready to go. Everything not taken off the Jaguar by the Eradicon and Vehicon is still here. We didn’t bother bringing anything into our room.”

“Fair enough,” he grunted, crossing his arms. “Let’s watch the feed for a few days and determine our best course of action-”

“Already done,” the seeker confidently chorused, tapping a few keys on his datapad. A collection of areas were circled and lit up red.

“These clustered spots are recorded high activity areas I’ve noticed backtracking the data saved from these maps. They’re where the majority of the guards are stationed, where they trade off new sentries, and where most stand around. The higher the traffic area, the more marks there are.”

Humming thoughtfully, Blackout squinted at the screen. The seeker extended its size a few more ratios for him to examine better.

“It looks like our best route goes here,” Blackout muttered, ghosting a digit through the map.

“-leads us here,” Nighthawk stated, drawing his digit in as well.

“-goes through this area-”

“-and finally we’re lead here, which is a high concentration zone.”

“Well, that’s to be expected,” snorted the large mech.

“I’m not an idiot, Blackout,” the seeker retorted hotly. “Tthere’s no zone that is clear of high-risk areas. Anyway, as you can tell, it leads us in to this tunnel and down in this larger chamber is where the space bridge is kept, see?”

“I’m not blind, mech.”

“Good to know, then I guess you can see we’ll expect high resistance once we hit the space bridge.”

“If we make it that far, we need to be in and out as fast as possible,” Blackout stated quietly, his optics narrowed at the screen.

“Well, obviously,” vented the medic, looking down to Scorponok and Novastrike. “Scorponok, I assume you can help make us a more clear path ahead here?”

The bug nodded as he indicated at the chart, giving a chirp.

“Infiltrator and I are going to remain here to make sure the area stays clear while you two get the space bridge activated. Scorponok should join you when we’re sure the area had been cleared of anymore bots.”

Letting out a quiet breath, Novastrike looked up to Nighthawk as she exclaimed, “Why? Shouldn’t we all stick together? Or at least have Scorponok or I stay with you to help-”

Nighthawk gave a swift shake of his helm. “Two reasons why I suggest this: one, as medics, Infiltrator and I have a deceptive quality. We’re valuable assets, and bots are less likely to use lethal force on us upon sight. The ‘Cons may even be unaware of the breech and we might be able to fib through medical engineering in explaining that a radioactive energy is emitting from the space bridge and we’re on standby and can not allow any bots further in to the mine at the time until the workers are through, and then we’ll be called in to surveillance their injuries. That might buy us some time with some.”

“Secondly,” he continued, “Too many of us grouped together is going to give off a suspicious vibe. Blackout himself, or Scorponok and you, could most likely operate the bridge alone. If we require immediate assistance, we can always hail you to come while someone still ensures the bridge is active and protected for us to hurry through if we need to.”

“I still don’t like it,” Novastrike hissed, lowering her ears.

“Nighthawk’s the mech with a plan,” Blackout pointed out. “He’s been spending time staring at this map. I can respect his evaluation. He didn’t get the nickname of jaguar for nothing.”

Slightly confused, the little femme looked from Blackout to Nighthawk.

“I thought that was the name of his ship-”

Knocking Blackout in the shoulder with the back of his servo, the medic spoke loudly over Blackout’s snickering as he went on, “I believe this is our best course of action, and I think we should initiate it tonight.”

The snickering instantly stopped.

“Tonight?” the Decepticon Hound snorted. “What’s the rush, Nighthawk?”

“You’re telling me you’re not eager to leave this Pit anymore?” the medic jeered.

Shaking his helm, the shadowy mech spoke calmly: “Just seems a bit of a nervous rush.”

“Well I am nervous,” hissed the seeker. “You try sitting in that room all day, wandering the halls, bots staring at you and slipping you glances. They’re reporting on me Blackout; constantly keeping watch.”

“We risk the exposure of the data stick as well,” Infiltrator finally spoke up quietly. “Although it is hidden, it’s also Soundwave’s device of manufacture. He would recall exactly whom was aware of these sticks and who they were dispensed to. There were not many, and there is an active bot on this ship was knowingly had one of these.”

Giving a slow nod of his helm, Blackout looked down at Novastrike’s trusting optics. She gave a firm nod of her helm, optics blazing.

“Alright,” he agreed, offering his palms in a pleading motion as he shrugged. “But you had better come packing some serious weapons, Nighthawk. Don’t leave all the offlining to me.”

Scorponok gave a slight hiss in defense of the seeker, lightly jabbing Blackout’s pede with his pronged drills.

Offering a peacefully serene chuckle, Nighthawk flashed his fangs in the most grim smiles as he spoke gently, “I’m still more than capable of taking care of my share of bots, young mech, don’t you forget that for a nanoklik.”

~

Novastrike sat on the edge of the berth as she watched Blackout move about the room. Picking up the few tools things they had, the giant mech subspaced them in various compartments of his frame. It was like having what those humans referred to as cargo pants? Was that the term? She couldn’t remember exactly; the very idea of looking into the species on this ship seemed highly inappropriate and frowned upon.

Apparently humans were considered too stupid and ugly to be viewed or expressed in any other term than being stupid and ugly.

Behind him, Scorponok would scurry along on the floor to pick up the junk Blackout dropped to the floor carelessly. It brought a smile to Nova’s face to watch as he dumped the items down a chute that would lead to the small furnace on the ship to be melted down.

“Blackout, dear, could you sit and relax for just a moment?” she whispered. “You’ve double-checked the same cupboards at least a dozen times now.”

“I just don’t want to leave any of our supplies around,” he muttered, venting.

“You’re hovering. Are you... nervous?”

A stiff laugh escaped Blackout. He smiled at her with a boastful expression. It deflated somewhat as she placed her servos to her hips and raised an optic ridge.

“Only of throwing us into another mess,” he finally admitted uncomfortably.

“A mess?” she stated while looking to his haunted faceplate. “Geez- Blackout, dear, us coming here isn’t any fault of your own-”

“If it’s not my fault, than it is my own damnation come for me. Why else would we end up right in the servos of the mech I’ve spent my entire life following, bowing to, pleasing at every turn?”

“So, you’re blaming karma?”

Scraping his servo against his faceplate, Blackout let out a heavy growling sound in the back of his throat.

Placing a sympathetic smile on her faceplate, Nova tapped the berth beside her. With a relenting grumble, the big mech stalked over and sat down to join her.

“You know, Nighthawk and you are a lot alike,” she murmured, standing up so that she could lean into his side. “You both like to shoulder responsibility and blame, you both enjoy beating yourselves up, and you both are have some of the most burdened sparks I’ve ever met.”

Growling quietly, the ebony mech muttered as he looked away, “We’re hardly alike.”

“Yes, you are,” Nova assured him, caressing his armor with feather-light touches across his side and chassis. “Maybe stop searching for a reason to hate yourself, and start looking for the reason to love yourself.”

“You and your mercy and compassion,” Blackout growled quietly, reaching over to pick her up.

Squeaking, the small femme looked down the span of her significant others armor. The panels reflected such little light; dulled once. Even sitting the floor looked so far away from this height. She moved her optics to look at Blackout’s as he held her at optic level, curling his servos around her slightly.

“Must you be so loving and wise?” he taunted lightly with a smile.

“It’s just an obvious observation,” she disagreed with a small shake of her helm. “Maybe you should speak to Nighthawk some time about how he’s feeling? You know you two could probably do a little bonding-”

“Ugh, no thank you.”

“You’re the worst. Give him a chance. Look how well you two can get along when working for the same goal.”

“Our spitting and griping is getting along well to you hmm?” he questioned softly, grinning.

“Hush,” she scolded, reaching out to touch his cheek with her servo. “I just want you to be happy. You should love yourself, as much as I love you.”

“I’d say I’m pretty happy with what I’ve got here in this room with me,” he stated, turning his optics down to Scorponok as the bug chirped and then up to her.

Giggling softly, Novastrike leaned to press her lips against his mouth lightly.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Mmm?” Blackout grunted in the back of his throat, pressing a kiss against the top of her helm.

“Can you promise me that you two aren’t going to go at it once we arrive on Cybertron?”

“I hadn’t offlined him thus far. I think I can agree to those terms.”

“Then maybe you can try opening up a little more when we get back home?” she offered.

“To him?” Blackout scoffed, pressing his forehead against her lightly. “I doubt that.”

“We’re going to need all the help we can get if Cybertron is still in disarray,” she pointed out, stroking his cheek gently.

“That doesn’t mean he needs to know my sappy feelings, Novastrike,” he reminded her with a quiet, rumbling laugh. “I don’t need a psychiatrist.”

“No, you need a friend.”

“What do you call Scorponok and you, hmm?”

“I think it’d be good for you both,” she pouted, pressing a kiss to his forehead with an expressive ‘mwah’.

Grunting, the large mech lowered her from his faceplate with a vent. Gingerly he pressed her to his chassis, hugging her against his thick armor.

“We’ll see how it goes,” he admitted quietly. “I’d rather focus on the task at servo, for the time being.

“Just looking out for your well-being, darling,” Nova replied, innocently snuggling against his chassis as she dared to look up at him with her wide-eyes of wonder.

Letting out yet another vent from his systems, Blackout swiftly glanced away from her with a pout. A soft laugh escaped her as he glanced back, grinning from her intoxicating joy and the brimming smile on her faceplate.

Wrapping his servos a fraction tighter against her frame, the dark armored mech squeezed her closer as he hummed. The sound only matched by that of her own purr as she nuzzled securely into his own armor with a sigh. Very soon, they’d be free of this oppressive place, and everything would be fine again.

[zuzuhe]

the sonic archie comics are unreal

as an 8 year+ ‘sonic veteran’, I gotta tell you, young me has read some shit. I used to be way into sonic stuff for some reason, and one day I discovered the sonic comics. I’ve collected over 300 issues and many of its spin off stories, and I need you guys to sit down because sonic comics are one fucking wild ride that never stops.

fun fact: Sonic comics are the longest running comic based off a video game. (started like... 1990′s and continues today...nearly 20 years now)

here’s my top 16 weird ass facts about the sonic comics you guys might enjoy:

16. Knuckles' half brother Knee-cap

So Knuckles’ mother(Lara-le) divorces his father(Locke) and ends up marrying a guy named Wynmacher and has a child with him who they named “Knecapeon Mace” but called him Knee-Caps for short.

15. Knuckles becomes evil Thor at some point

So Knuckles has this arch-nemesis named Dr. Finitevus who looks pretty cool and all and Finitevus I guess curses Knuckles to become this weird evil god that wants to destroy technology or something... and Knux’s father Locke ended up sacrificing himself so Knuckles could go back to normal so Finitevus indirectly killed Knuckles’s father...

honorable mentions.... Knuckles has a great uncle that is a floating robotic head because he abandoned his body so he could live longer... also Rouge has flirted and kissed Knuckles’s dad more than once.......................................... just thought I should throw that out there...

14. Sonic is a fucking stud jfc

Sonic has dated or flirted with nearly ever girl in this fckin franchise I need to lie down... and this one girl he was dating... Fiona the fox:

So apparently there was this robot duplicate made of Fiona when she was Tails’ age and Tails was dating that robot on an island or some shit and then he realized Fiona was fake... but then the real Fiona appears one day and she’s a few years older than Tails (16 while Tails is like 12 or 13) and Tails is heart broken because she starts dating Sonic but then she starts fucking cheating on Sonic with Sonic’s anti-self Scourge from another dimension and if you haven’t pulled out your wine bottle yet, now is the time to because damn do we need a drink after all this shit ... there’s just a lot of romantic drama in Sonic’s life

13. The Mina the Mongoose situation

So Mina Mongoose is this popular pop-singer that dated Sonic at some point. They have this weird drama where Mina gets shot in the back to save Sally for Sonic… but she survives and then I guess she gets over Sonic and starts dating her gothic asshole manager named Ash?????? Mina I guess had some weird ties with Mammoth Mogul some weird psychic evil mammoth who somehow initiated control over Tails, Mighty, and Mina and threatens to kill them unless Sonic breaks him out of jail and gives him a chaos emerald… trust me this comic gets really fckin dark and confusing..

Speaking of dark, Sonic and Co. eventually lose their entire city to Eggman and Nicole, a robotic A.I. makes an artificial recreated city, but then she gets taken over by some techno bitch and Mina has reoccuring nightmare and tries to throw a rebellion against her or some shit idk

Mina’s life has always been about drama, to the point where in the future she fucking marries Tails?! and they have TWO children Melody and Skye like what the fuck is happening right now

12.Tails’ family

Tails’ father (Amadeus) was a general that lead the mobian army against the humans. His mother Rosemary had actually worked with her husband to fucking OVERTHROW THE KINGDOM OF ACORN TO TRY AND CREATE A DEMOCRACY….. …. also Tails’ uncle Merlin Prower is more or less a “jedi” wizard who is learning the way of chaos power…. so Tails’ family is all over the place they’ve been kidnapped by aliens, roboticized, thrown in jail, I mean damn this kid has been hanging out with Sonic because his family was just not around him most of their life they love him but they got shit to do… fuck shit up Prower family damn….

11. Sonic’s family

Sonic’s real name is Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog. I shit you not. Sonic was just a nickname. Can you fucking believe this I’m dead omg.... His mom is blonde by the way, her name is Bernadette. His father (jules) was turned into a robot by Eggman and they have yet to reverse this process, but his Uncle Chuck is fine...he’s still got his luscious mustache.

Sonic ends up marrying Sally in the main future timeline and they have two children named Sonia and Manic, which are names derived from the Sonic Underground series where Sonic has two siblings named Sonia and Manic and all three are royals who the queen hid within the city to protect them from the evil Robotnik or some shit…. I mean how deep does this get….look at those fucking parallels...

10. Shadow marries Sally / future situation  

Knuckles who somehow has become a cowboy with a robot eye… marries an echidna named Julie-su and they have a daughter named Laura-su. Bunnie and Antione have two children who for some reason are half metal, as mentioned Tails married Mina and their two kids Melody and Skye…. no idea what the fuck happened to Amy in this future, she’s just kinda gone…. ???? idk

Shadow went and fucked up the timeline and took over as the new king of Mobius… so he married Sally. Luckily they didn’t take it as far as to have children but damn is Shadow a mess in his intentions throughout this comic series. Sonic and Co. somehow regain control of timeline and everyone is happy again and there’s new freedom fighters... Oh fyi Shadow also reunites with Maria kind of… he sees her in a computer program along with his creator… so that’s nice

9. the antis

…..there’s a anti sonic dimension.. where everyone is a gothic-punk alter-ego….. and Anti Sonic turned green because of the master emerald for some reason and I think either Knuckles or Knuckles’ father game him that scar on his chest…. Anti Sonic names himself Scourge and was dating Fiona who was cheating on Sonic…. fucking look at Anti-Tails I cant with this I am deceased…..

his gang likes to jump dimensions and Zonic the Zonecop didn’t like that.

8. Zonic the Zone cop

Zonic the Zonecop…. works under Zobotnik….. they’re basically cops who monitor all Sonic dimensions and take in prisoners who leave their dimensions or threaten to destroy dimensions/zones… Zonic always has to hunt down Scourge and other trouble makers and lock them up…. so anyone who dreamed of Sonic in power ranger gear well congrats your dream has come true….

7. Bean is fucking related to Jet from Sonic Riders apparently?????

So remember Jet the Hawk from Sonic Riders… well somehow he might be related to Bean or something???… and Bean calls him “ jettison Q. Hawkington….”   don’t know why but I find that funny

6. Eggman fucking snaps

Eggman FUCKING SNAPS OK LIKE HOLY SHIT.. like out of no where he destroys Sonic’s entire city, beats the shit out of him, captures his family and friends, and then tries to turn Charmy bee into a robot but instead gives him brain damage…. Sonic kinda snaps too and would almost consider severely harming or killing Eggman… luckily Sally’s robotic A.I. Nicole had built them all a new city out of nanites …  but this whole plot was…. out of every possible plot I could see in a Sonic franchise, having such a grave one thrown at me out of no where was the biggest fuckign surprise 7 year old me has ever seen ok holy fuck

5. Amy’s situation and her cousin Rob’O who is a king..?????

Amy used to be like… 8 years old or some shit then she wished upon a magic ring that made her body grow older by like 4 years or something so she could be part of the freedom fighters and potentially date sonic or something… so Amy is way younger mentally than she looks…

She has a cousin named Rob’O who married some echidna lady and they had a son named Jon… apparently Amy’s uncle was a king and Rob’O is next in line to the throne so Amy is somehow technically royalty ?????????????????? slkfjdk????

4. Charmy bee is a fucking prince and has a girlfriend

oh Charmy Bee is also a fucking prince who has a girlfriend named Saffron… no idea who came up with this plot or why

3.  Sally’s weird love life

Sally has a weird love life too, she is princess of Mobius despite her brother and his wife and child being next in line for the throne…..??? She ended up dating this secret service agent Geoffrey the Skunk who had a wife named Hershey the cat who I guess maybe got killed during a mission or something… Geoffrey got into some weird corrupted scandals with villains too I don’t recall his allegiance but Sally was smart for dumping his ass.

She also has some weird ass thing going on with this embodiment of the monkey king………??????

and then she had this arranged marriage thrown together by her father to marry the royal guard Antoine who was actually anti-Antoine from the anti dimension who imprisoned the real Antoine….. Antione I guess finally escapes and then ends up marrying Bunnie instead?????? who the hell are these writers and where did they come from

Sally and Sonic end up together in the end and Sonic becomes king of Mobius and they have kids and all so happy ending for her I guess…. besides that one timeline where she had to marry Shadow…

2. SNIVELY’S...LOVE LIFE...

Um…. Snively is …. Eggman’s nephew…. and something happens to Eggman and Snively somehow ends up dating this one techno-magic chick named Regina the Iron Queen.. she tries to take over Nicole’s nanites…  I have no idea who the fuck is writing the romance in this series but I’d like them to sign all my comics

1.THE WAR

apparently the sonic mobians had this massive war against “Overlanders” basically somewhat de-evolved humans due to a mutation experiment / bombs that aliens called Xorda bombarded onto pre-Mobius aka Earth. So more or less Eggman and Snively and any other humans are basically the endangered human species trying to regain control over their planet through xenophobic / racist ideals against the evolved animal species that is the Mobians and Sonic……………………….. I’m not fucking joking

LAWSUITS AND THE WEIRD REBOOT

So apparently Sonic Archie comics went into this huge timeline-dimensional reboot because one of the former writers Ken Penders has thrown multiple lawsuits into Archie comic’s hands and this shit has been going on since 2009 until even now…

Some weird things going on in the reboots:

there’s this lady named Breezie who is … in love with Neo Metal Sonic……I think she’s based off a side character from the old show………and I really think that’s all I should tell you as you can probably see how she was first introduced…  

Honey the cheetah… a concept from an old Sonic game I guess returned????

No romance at this point…….

they gave Sally clothes for some reason…

But basically Ken Penders, a previously major archie sonic comic writer, was the creator of multiple if not all of the echidnas involved in the sonic comic storyline. So Finitevus, Julie-su, basically the entire Echidna brother hood, Knuckles’ younger brother, Charmy’s girlfriend Saffron, Mina Mongoose, Mammoth Mogul, and even Amy’s cousin Rob’O are now required to be out of the story. Ken wanted to use the sonic characters he made for his own original graphic novel but Archie wanted to maintain copyright on his characters and concepts… I mean most writers and artists are aware that the things they produce for a licensed company are usually OWNED by that company, so its weird he’d even attempt something like that. Archie claimed Penders signed a contract as evidence for it but failed to produce the contract so the lawsuit settled in 2013. Because of this, Sonic Archie comic and it’s spin off series of Sonic Universe had to completely rewrite their stories to get his characters out of the picture, or straight up just redesigned the characters… he’s also recently claimed in 2015 he’s got another law suit in mind…??? He’s actually ‘inspired’ Scott Fulop to also file lawsuits after he left archie comics too.

Here’s a chart someone made for Ken Pender’s logic in some of his lawsuit filings which you can obviously tell is quite a mess:

honorable mentions

I mean there’s a shit ton of stuff I’ve missed or haven’t even mentioned about this shit…..

thanks for stopping by and letting me explain the horrific treasure that is the sonic comic series because whAT thE FUCK

my god I love the sonic comics 

[driving-route-66]

Day 10 - 17th June 2017

The rain poured out of the  sky last night, the thunder roared and shook the building, the lightening lit up the sky, it didn't lower the temperature though, it was still sticky humid.

Thank goodness we were back in the Lodge warm and dry.

Decided to eat in at The Sweet Tea and Barley, the hotel bistro, and ordered the G&T to end all G&T’s, no tonic, orange bitters and Proscecco instead,it was beyond delicious, it was better than a Margarita and that's saying something for me.

Fell into the baseball pitch bed and fell into a deep slumber that lasted around five minutes and awoke to grey skies, the air still felt heavy and damp.

This morning we were on our way to Yorktown, the site of the last battle of the American War of Independance. 

We drove along the Colonial Parkway, as we were supposed to do according to the map,  enjoying the tranquility of an early drive, the fresh scent of morning, birds singing merrily away, our windows open to make the most of the cool breeze, then my nemesis, THE SATNAV, kicked in and we ended up on the Interstate, noisy, dusty, the speed limit reduced right down because of roadworks. 

Finally managed to get off the concrete slab and found the gates of the American Reveloution Museum in front of us.

I will admit there was a lot of reading, however it was in chronological order and there were plenty of short films to watch as well, the artefacts were genuine which added to the story. 

I thought the Museum was anti British and our Generals made out to be bumbling fools, I don't know, maybe they were bumbling fools. 

So Lord Cornwallis lost the Colony of America for the crown, I suppose mad King George was probably busy talking to trees as well, and forgot to appoint a decent General.

The great push for independence began with the Boston Maasacre, the gripe ? An unpaid barbers bill that escalated into a riot, so a bunch of Redcoats ( that's us ) decided that it was better to shoot at Colonists then talk them down. 

That was a massive no no, because it cheesed everyone off, so the Patriots ( as the yanks now called themselves ) started throwing tea into  Boston Harbour,  amassing armies and appointed General George Washington to be their leader. I guess the rest is history and we lost this big source of revenue.

The Patriots promised to free every slave that helped them win this independence from the mother country ( that's us again ),  but they lied and no slaves were freed, so actually the black population were also the losers.

We walked around an army camp of the time, it looked very clean, we heard a cannon and musket fire, talked to an army surgeon and discussed the best way to grow tabacco, the gold weed of Virginia, It's money spinning crop grown off the back of the enslaved.

We then went into Jamestown Settlement, a mock up of the real Jamestowne, the first English settlement.

Three ships, the Susan Constance, the Discovery and the Godspeed brought the first adventurers and settlers to the New World in 1607, in the reign of James I, all of this backed by the London based “Virginia Company “.

Needless to say, the Indians weren't that pleased about it, especially Powhaten ( Pocohontas dad )’ they tried to get along, a bit of trading here, a bit of bartering there but the English, under the leadership of Captain John Smith, werent really very nice to them, using unnecessary force to acquire what they wanted, oh the English also brought disease as a way of thanking the Native American for their hospitality.

We walked around the Museum and before we had a chance to go and visit the ships, the sky opened up again and it rained so hard, it felt Michael Flately was on the roof with Riverdance.

We hung around a bit, the rain slowed and we walked to the ships. 

All three 21st Century versions of the the ships were there, authentic replicas of the originals, we climbed aboard each one in turn and had a look around.

The ships were tiny and cramped, it must have been hard crossing the Ocean in them, the ships must have been tossed around like leaves in the harsh Atlantic weather, but finally the reached their destination.

A fort was built and called Jamestowne, at first there were only men, however women soon began to arrive, a Council was set up, the Indians were subdued slightly because Pocohontus, daughter of Powhaten married an English settler by the name of John Rolfe, tentative negotiations started, Pocohontos was a worthy emissary.

The rest really is history, the Indians were forced back, English Colonies sprang up everywhere and fifty years later there were more English settlements then Indian settlements .

FYI , Pocohontas came to England with John Rolfe and promptly died, she is buried in Gravesend.